#i say as merlin throws himself into the line of danger to protect arthur for the millionth time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years ago

Text

Merlin Scar Reveal Part 2(final part)

Merlin tries to pretend nothing happened, Arthur says “that’s stupid.”

Part 1

Merlin’s nightmares last for the rest of the afternoon and extend well into the night.

The heat certainly doesn’t help, and it takes all of Gaius’ effort to keep his temperature low enough to not boil him from the inside out, but he manages with help from the knights. Mordred and Lancelot refuse to leave the servant’s side of course, but the others loiter in the corridor the entire time, and take turns sprinting to the cold store and kitchens for ice water and cloths.

It was difficult to stand there waiting, being given scraps of information on Merlin’s condition, especially when most of the scraps consist of something along the lines of “Hopefully he’ll snap out of it by the morning.”, which was certainly not helped when the occasional whimper floated out to them from the young servant’s room.

After a few hours, Leon was the one to draw the short straw to go and talk to Arthur. Whilst all of them were mildly miffed that Arthur had pushed Merlin so far, they knew that ultimately, it was all of their faults. All of them had pushed him, and none of them had protected him from being injured in the first place. None of them knew how much he had suffered, was still suffering. Considering Arthur’s... extra feelings for his servant, it was no wonder he’d reacted even worse than the others.

The First Knight agrees to go, knowing he had the best chance of talking some sense into The King, though he refuses to leave until he sees each of the others settle in their beds; it had been a long day, and would likely be an even longer day tomorrow. They all need as much sleep as they can get.

Arthur doesn’t answer when Leon knocks on his door, but the knight lets himself in after a few moment regardless, doing so quietly so as not to startle the man if he was asleep or, more likely, deep in thought.

The King was sat at his desk, chin resting on his hands, and Leon has to stamp down the surge of protective adrenaline in his lungs when he sees the dry tear tracks on the younger man’s face. He doesn’t notice Leon’s presence, not even when he very deliberately clears his throat, so the knight walks over to him slowly, rapping his knuckles harshly on the desk. That finally catches Arthur’s attention, and he looks up with a start, hands reaching for the sword that Leon knows he has hidden under the desk.

The King lets out a deep breath and relaxes back in his seat when he sees that it’s just Leon, hastily wiping his eyes before clearing his throat and looking up with a fake confidence:

“Sir Leon, what can I do for you?”

Leon just raises an eyebrow, but when Arthur holds strong and doesn’t react he lets out a deep sigh and collapses into the seat on the other side of the desk:

“Come on, Arthur. We need to talk about this.”

Arthur gulps, trying to keep his unaffected façade up, but failing and dropping it after only a few moments; something about the soft, overly concerned look Leon was giving him made him want to wrap himself in blankets and sob himself to sleep. He frowns and just about manages to keep the tears in:

“Why wouldn’t he tell me? If not about the physical scars, then about all the times he’s been hurt. Does he not think I would’ve given him time to recover? Or, God forbid, helped him?”

Leon purses his lips slightly in thought, still having to make a concerted effort not to gather The King up in a tight hug as he considers his questions:

“I don’t think it’s about you, Arthur. Merlin is... a private person by nature, and he doesn’t like worrying people. You heard Mordred, he and Lance found out by accident, and even then Merlin tried to keep them away from it as long as possible.”

Arthur stands, the guilt and sadness in his gut now frothing with anger as well. He paces around to the centre of the room and Leon stands to watch him carefully:

“He can say it’s not about me as much as he wants, but I’m The King, Leon,-”

He whirls on the knight, and Leon clenches his jaw, resisting the urge to raise a mocking eyebrow. He knew to expect anger at some point, but that doesn’t mean Arthur was entitled to it:

“-I have a right to know what’s going on in my Kingdom. I should’ve been informed of Nimueh and Morgause’s deaths, I should’ve been informed that Cenred was torturing people for information. How many other countless adventures has Merlin had that have put himself, Me, the Kingdom in danger, simply because he didn’t want people to know much about him?? None of that was his call to make.”

Leon does raise an eyebrow at that, but Arthur was too busy furiously pacing to feel scolded quite yet. The older man crosses his arms and huffs slightly, waiting for The King to calm before responding:

“Be that as it may, that’s not why you’re angry. You can lie to yourself, Arthur, but you can’t lie to me, and you certainly shouldn’t lie to Merlin. If you go to him pretending that you’re angry because he put the Kingdom at risk, and not because you’re heartbroken at him having suffered so much, then he’ll never forgive you. And when you realise that, you’ll never forgive yourself.”

Arthur looks to Leon sharply, but the anger drains from his face within seconds and his whole body sags slightly, the exhaustion of the day having caught up to him. A glance to the now dark window tells him that it’s well into the evening, but he can’t find it in himself to be annoyed at the unfinished paperwork on his desk or the hunger in his stomach from not having eaten since before noon, not when he knows Merlin is being tortured by nightmares and injuries that have long since healed. Injuries that he should never have had in the first place. Leon waits patiently for Arthur to respond:

“I don’t want him to be in pain. I just want to help him.”

His cracking admission has Leon give up on holding himself back, and he strides towards The King to pull him into a tight embrace. Arthur tenses at first, but quickly falls into the older man’s affection, accepting a hug for the first time since he was a child. Leon responds softly, aware that he only had a short time before Arthur pulled away and put his walls back up:

“Merlin’s already in pain, Arthur, but that doesn’t mean we can’t now help him.-”

He feels Arthur nod into his shoulder and squeezes the man tighter for a moment before pulling back, keeping a tight grip on The King’s shoulders:

“Come on, you need to get some sleep.”

Arthur’s tired, longing gaze moves to the paperwork spread haphazardly over his desk, and Leon shakes his head, tugging Arthur’s shoulders so he looks back at him:

“No, work isn’t an option, your mind is not in any sort of state to be productive right now. You’re exhausted, Arthur, a few hours of sleep will do you some good; I hate to say it but The Kingdom won’t stop needing attention whilst we... sort through this, and you’ll need the energy tomorrow.”

Arthur shakes his head, stepping back and rubbing his eyes tiredly as he takes a deep breath and straightens his back. Leon steps back as well, re-introducing the respectful distance that should be between a King and his Knight, waiting for Arthur’s no doubt stoic response:

“The councilmen will survive without me for a day or two, if not then that really should be something I’m made aware of so I can get to replacing them. Merlin and I need to...-”

He cuts himself off and clears his throat:

“-has there been any news? Any change?”

Leon shakes his head, but catches Arthur’s wrist when he begins walking towards the door:

“Arthur. I just about managed to convince everyone else to get some sleep and you need it more than them.-”

Arthur looks back indignantly, failing to portray his Kingly Anger in his exhaustion and looking more like a scolded child:

“-You know I’m right. Get some sleep, Gaius will inform you if anything changes.”

For a moment, it looks like Arthur wants to argue, but he quickly lets out a deep, bone weary sigh, nodding before moving sluggishly towards his bed. Leon nods approvingly, muttering a soft “Goodnight, My Lord” and smiling slightly at Arthur’s hummed response before quietly exiting the chambers.

Arthur can convince himself, for a few blissful seconds, that it was all a bad dream when he wakes up the next morning.

His curtains are thrown wide open; the sunlight streams in and forces The young King to groan and roll over, attempting to shield his eyes from the brightness. Merlin’s cheery voice echoes throughout the various chambers:

“Come on, Sire, up and at ‘em!”

Arthur just grumbles a slurred “Fuck off.” before his brain wakes up and he throws himself from the bed, thankfully wearing sleep clothes but only just managing to catch himself on the bedside table before he falls over:

“Merlin!! What the hell are you- are you ok?! Did Gaius say you could get up?!”

Merlin looks back at him with the same disapproving, mocking glare he usually uses in the morning; Arthur is taken aback at the darkness in his eyes. He can’t quite decide if it made it’s first appearance this morning, or if it had always been there and he just hadn’t noticed. He doesn’t know which idea he hates more:

“I’m fine, Arthur, no need to worry about me. And for your information, I’m a fully trained physician, I don’t need Gaius telling me what I can and can’t do.-”

He rolls his eyes and turns to The King’s desk with a huff, gesturing at the mess:

“-It’s flattering that you rely on me so much Arthur, but really, this is ridiculous.”

Arthur is finally broken out of his shocked stupor, shaking his head disbelievingly and taking a few short steps towards his manservant. He goes to yell but quickly backtracks, snapping his mouth shut and taking a deep breath before trying again, softly this time:

“Merlin... we have to talk about yesterday.”

Merlin’s reaction is immediate and harsh. The quill that he had picked up from Arthur’s desk snaps in his sudden tight grip and the tension in his shoulders is painful looking. He freezes for just a moment before forcing himself to relax, casually throwing the broken quill into a waste basket before continuing to organise the desk, refusing to look up at The King:

“No, we really don’t. I’m fine, My Lord.”

The lack of sarcasm or sass in Arthur’s title worries The King greatly, but the way Merlin regains more and more of the tension in his shoulders the closer Arthur walks to him is even more worrying:

“Merlin... look at me.-”

The servant gulps, biting his lip at he stares at the desk for a few more moments before forcing himself to look up. He recoils slightly at the tears in Arthur’s eyes, but doesn’t allow himself to look away. Arthur opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by the door to his chambers opening with a bang as Mordred and Lancelot rush in. They’re both red-faced and panting, speaking at the same time:

“I swear to the Gods if he snuck out of bed to work, I’ll-”

“I apologise My Lord, I don’t suppose you’ve seen-”

They both freeze as they see Merlin stood behind Arthur’s desk, paperwork crumpled in his tight grip and face fallen into a annoyed frown. Arthur throws his hands up, frustrated as he paces and mumbles:

"Just... come in why don’t you. No, don’t worry about knocking just run on in like you own the damn place.”

Lancelot spares him a quick glance but locks the door behind him and crosses his arms like an angry mother as he looks to the irate servant:

“Merlin, we’ve talked about this, you’re meant to take the morning off after a bad night, Gaius says-”

Merlin just rolls his eyes and turns away, interrupting Lancelot’s scolding as he continues to tidy around the room, his annoyance evident in his harsh tone and hurried movements:

“I’m a physician too, and I say I’m fine. I would like to just... get on with things, please.”

Arthur has to stop himself from recoiling at the way Lance and Mordred’s faces fall, the pain and grief sadder than anything he’s ever seen in their expressions before. He takes a moment to think before giving the two of them a pointed look and quietly asking:

“Can you give us a minute?”

Lancelot looks doubtful, but willing. Mordred plants his feet and crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s obvious he has no intention of leaving Merlin’s side; as much as Arthur finds that admirable on a personal level, as King it’s unacceptable. He’s normally not a fan of pulling rank among friends, but maybe that’s because he normally doesn’t need to. Perhaps this whole mess was his fault, Mordred obviously felt so, but Arthur could hardly fix it with them glaring over his shoulder. He raises himself to his full height, a good few inches above Mordred, and uses the tone of voice he normally reserves for particularly difficult councilmen:

“You forget whose presence you are in, Sir Mordred, you’d do well to remember again. You are both dismissed.”

Mordred’s eyes go wide and he takes in a sharp breath, but after a quick glance to Merlin’s turned back he dutifully bows and walks from the room stiffly. Lancelot’s postures straightens as well, and he follows Mordred after a confident:

“We’ll be in Gaius’ chambers should you require anything, My Lord.”

Merlin was oblivious to the conversation, though Arthur reckons he was deliberately ignoring it as opposed to being actually unaware, especially with the way the servant’s shoulders relax when the door shuts behind the second knight.

Arthur sighs as Merlin continues to putter around the room, refusing to look him in the eye; he leans against the edge of the desk and crosses his arms:

“Merlin,-”

His voice is soft, but the servant still doesn’t look at him, giving a non-committal hum as he clears out the hearth with shaking hands:

“-come here, please.”

Merlin freezes for just a moment, and if the problem wasn’t so glaringly the context of the situation, Arthur may have been able to fool himself into believing that Merlin was just shocked he said please. The younger man stands slowly, turning to walk towards Arthur with his gaze stuck to the floor. He stops with about five feet of space between them and Arthur sighs again, closing the gap until only a few inches separates them. The King ignores the tears gathering in both of their eyes as he lifts a hesitating hand, dropping it softly on Merlin’s shoulder only when the servant doesn’t flinch away:

“Merlin, I... you mean a great deal to me, and I know I don’t say that often enough, or at all, really. You... look after me, keep me alive and unhurt, evidently more than I had originally thought. You make me a good King, and a better man.-”

Merlin looks up at him sharply and Arthur can tell that he’s about to argue, so he squeezes his shoulder and quickly hurries on:

“-You’ve been hurt, you’ve suffered in your service to me, and that’s unacceptable but it’s also my fault; I should’ve made it clear that I would protect you from anything. These scars prove your strength, but I understand not wanting to acknowledge them, so I promise I will never ask again. You tell me when you’re ready, and if that’s never, then that’s completely fine.-”

Merlin seems surprised by the promise, and the tears slowly dripping from his wide eyes just make Arthur regret yesterday even more. After a second or two of shock, Merlin visibly relaxes, relieved with the knowledge that he doesn’t have to expect the conversation that he really doesn’t want to have. Arthur gives him a weak smile before continuing:

“-I’m sorry, but I’m also grateful. Thank you, Merlin. But...-”

Merlin re-tenses at the “but” and Arthur squeezes his shoulder again, giving him what he hopes is a reassuring smile:

“-please don’t keep doing this alone. I... I don’t expect you to ask me for help, though I would drop anything in a heartbeat to keep you safe. Even... even if it’s Gwaine, just... I don’t want you disappearing off to save the Kingdom only to never come back again because no one knows where you are.”

Merlin smiles weakly at the disdain in Arthur’s voice when he mentions Gwaine, but quickly frowns again and looks at the floor. He gaze stays lowered when he asks his one word question, his voice quiet and ragged:

“Anything?”

Arthur frowns for a second, confused about what Merlin was asking, but quickly realises, lifting the other man’s chin with his hand, his voice a whisper:

“Merlin, I would give up the Kingdom to rid you of the burden you’ve place upon yourself. I just want you safe and happy and by my side.”

Merlin once again looks like he wants to argue, but a quiet sob falls from his mouth instead and Arthur, damning the consequences and his stupid reputation, pulls the younger man into a tight hug, cradling his head into his shoulder and running a soft hand up and down his back. A few tears of his own slip free but he finds he doesn’t care that much as Merlin shakes in his arms; he presses a barely-there kiss to Merlin’s temple and begins swaying slightly on the spot, wanting more than anything to take away his servant’s pain.

Merlin’s cries slow to a stop after what feels like hours, but Arthur doesn’t let go quite yet, eyeing the unmade bed over Merlin’s shoulder with eagerness, knowing that neither he nor Merlin had slept well last night. He feels Merlin stifle yawn against his shoulder and that just strengthens his resolve; he squeezes the younger man to get his attention and then speaks quietly:

“Reckon the council can survive without me later?”

Merlin clears his throat and responds, but still doesn’t let go:

“Doubtful, but Leon and Morgana could probably whip them into shape. Why?”

Arthur nods and pulls back, frowning at the slight panic in Merlin’s eyes when he steps away but doesn’t mention it, letting his hand slide down from the servant’s shoulder to grip his hand. Merlin visibly relaxes, but still looks confused as Arthur tugs him towards the bed gently; he allows himself to be pushed to sit on the edge and looks up at Arthur questioningly. The blond stops himself from grinning widely at the trust in his expression, instead turning away to shut the curtains and lock the door as he says:

“Shoes and belt off, I fancy a nap, how about you?”

He was expecting an argument, so he's surprised when he turns back to the bed to see Merlin softly smiling as he sets his shoes and belt on the bedside table neatly. They both climb under the covers wordlessly, and Merlin doesn’t hesitate to curl into Arthur’s side when he holds his arms out to him.

The King holds his servant close, tucking his head against his chest and burying his chin in his soft hair, his arms wound around Merlin tightly. Merlin closes his eyes without issue, finding himself unafraid of the darkness or the nightmares or the firm touch against his back for the first time since his collection of scars began.

The warrior sleeps, plagued by nothing but pleasant dreams and the warmth of a protection he knows he can trust.

THE END!!

That took me FOREVER to write, writer’s block really does suck, but I’m glad I finally got it finished. I feel like it’s a little underwhelming, but I hope y‘all like it :)

@1stbonesfan asked to be tagged! <3

556 notes · View notes

lit-in-thy-heart · 4 years ago

Text

and the next instalment of the merlin gif analysis saga is...

gwaine realising he's in love with merlin

because i want to make myself cry

Glossing over the fact that the first gif actually makes something in my chest clench, this seems to be the episode where Gwaine realises that he might be a lot little in love with Merlin.

Elyan definitely seems to believe that Gwaine is in love with someone in 5×06 (thanks @sneakyboymerlin for reminding me of that) and you could argue that Gwaine's lack of interaction with Merlin in 5×05 proves that it's not Merlin he's in love with, but think about it.

Gwaine rarely reveals his true feelings when he's around other people, but Merlin seems to be the exception. He's put himself out on the line before (yes I'm thinking about the 'Not Arthur' scene, I'm always thinking about that scene) because he can't seem to help but lay himself bare in front of Merlin. So if he's realised that he cares for Merlin a bit more than he should, he is going to be terrified of revealing that fact, and avoids Merlin because that's the only way he is going to be able to process his feelings.

Because Gwaine has it bad.

He loves Merlin subtly, powerfully. In the first gif, he casts a glance over his shoulder to make sure that Percival is still behind him and has still got hold of Merlin (honestly I don't know what they'd do without Percival, he's essentially the assigned transportation knight) and what's really interesting is what Gwaine is doing with his hand. It's not quite gripped on his sword, but hovering above it, with the fingers splayed. And perhaps I'm projecting but that is a movement I usually associate with trying to calm yourself down when panicked. As if he's telling himself to take a breath and everything will be fine. And the way Gwaine takes Merlin from Percival is so painfully gentle. He lets Merlin's body fall into his arms, rather than actively manipulating his form with his hands. Gwaine seems very reluctant to disturb Merlin in any way at all, choosing to kneel behind his head and slow down the process of setting Merlin down, despite the situation being quite dire. He handles Merlin like he's a glass ornament, as if he's afraid of him shattering at any moment.

Merlin is relatively well-supported by the makeshift bed they've got going on, yet Gwaine chooses to leave his hand resting on Merlin's shoulder. In fact, it doesn't look just like it's resting, but he's moulded his whole hand to fit around Merlin's shoulder. His hand doesn't need to be there. Gwaine doesn't even need to be there. He could easily be stood with the other knights, yet his instinct is to be as close to Merlin as he can. The only way he could be closer is by having Merlin in his lap, but that would probably make it more difficult for Gaius to examine him.

Gwaine has never really been one to shy away from physical contact. In the season 3 episodes he consistently provides Merlin with hugs (mostly when Arthur has rejected him but we'll get onto that whole thing in a bit) despite not knowing each other for that long. Even later on in this episode, he drops all the firewood to give Merlin a hug when he recovers. There seems to be an instinctive urge to be close to Merlin. And the fact that Merlin's head is resting on Gwaine's forearm is making me want to curl up in a ball and scream. And maybe Gwaine has never questioned this eagerness for physical contact before. But by the second gif, I think he knows what his initial refusal to be away from an unconscious Merlin means.

And a key part to this analysis is something I never thought I'd be looking at in depth, as glorious as it is: Gwaine's hair.

The first image directly follows the first gif, and the second image precedes the second gif. You can see that Gwaine's hair in the first image is much flatter than it is in the second. By the time Arthur and Co have left and Merlin is still unconscious, Gwaine seems to have been running his hands consistently through his hair. It's significantly messier and, whilst it could be argued that the wind plays a part, Gaius's hair remains largely unaltered. And one way to try and deal with stress or panic is to run your fingers through your hair again and again. It's not difficult to believe that Gwaine has been pacing up and down doing exactly that because Merlin is still not waking up.

If he was panicked before, then he's feeling tormented now. His hair, pushed out of his face in the first gif and image, is falling unchecked into his face and Gwaine, who usually keeps his hair in a relatively immaculate condition, is doing nothing about it. Because Merlin is lying right in front of him, potentially dying, and he has no clue how to deal with that.

In the second gif, Gwaine partially turns away and looks up, seeming to take a quick breath. He's deliberately not looking at either Merlin or Gaius, and this reaction comes after Gaius implies that Merlin could have internal injuries. And if there's internal damage and Gaius doesn't know how to deal with it, then Merlin doesn't stand a chance. And it's quite possible that Gwaine is looking up like that to try and blink away tears or just to ground himself. Merlin has been seriously injured before (think of the writers using him as a bit of a punching bag in season 4) but that damage was always external and Merlin was healed rather quickly. If it's internal, then nothing can be done by Gwaine. And it is when Gwaine is faced with the thought of being without Merlin that he realises just how much he needs him.

And when there's the slimmest chance that Gwaine might be able to help, he launches himself into it. When Gaius tells him to get firewood, he starts off in a manner that is almost a sprint, before seeming to realise that being in that much of a rush would expose his feelings, and he hesitates before electing for a fast walk instead. Because the only way he can keep himself from falling apart is to focus on helping Merlin and the possibility that he might be alright after all.

Look at his face here. He is stunned, then ecstatic, then confused. And the way that he moves towards Merlin makes it clear that he is not going to give him the trademark one-armed hug, but a full-on embrace. And Merlin brushes Gwaine off, because he doesn't have the time because Arthur is in danger and Gwaine probably should be paying more attention to what Merlin is saying but he's not. He's giving Gaius a tender smile as if to thank him for helping Merlin.

Gwaine hasn't made any mention of Arthur or the knights, even though it is a dangerous mission with or without knowing it's a trap, and his preoccupation with Merlin shows just how deeply he cares for him. The fact that his first instinct is once again to make physical contact with him, even though there was the prospect of internal damage and hugging Merlin might not have been the best thing to do, just says that Gwaine has got it tremendously bad for Merlin.

It took the thought of Merlin dying for Gwaine to realise that he was in love with him, and Gwaine spends the rest of the series struggling to deal with that.

He distances himself from Merlin for two episodes, not engaging in any conversations with just the two of them, until--

THE SUBTEXT.

Merlin's glance down in the first gif, demonstrating that he'd also do anything to protect his mother, is one thing, but Gwaine's reaction? The subtle sag of his body, the eyes darting down away from Merlin, the gentle swallow. In that moment, he's thinking how he would do anything to protect Merlin. Gwaine's gaze lingers on Merlin for a moment before he looks away, realising that Merlin has no idea how he feels about him. There's so much tenderness in that one look, especially after the slight annoyance that there seemed to be when Merlin kept talking about Arthur.

Gwaine was Merlin's friend before he was a knight. But Merlin only seems to see him as a knight these days, and Gwaine seems to decide that the only way he can indicate any of the love he has for Merlin is by being what Merlin wants him to be: a soldier to protect Arthur.

You have my word on it, Merlin.

You have my word that I will protect the one you care about the most. You have my word that I will keep him safe for you, so you don't have to feel the same pain I did. You have my word that I will put my life on the line for him, because he means more to you than I ever will.

Because this is when Gwaine realises that though he may love Merlin, Merlin will not love him back.

The way Gwaine falls back in his chair is incredibly interesting. There seems to be a bit of an impact with his shoulders, suggesting that he's hitting it with some force, but his limbs seem pretty tense. He's not slumping back in it from fatigue, he seems to be subtly throwing himself back in it. Because when Merlin was injured, Gwaine was thinking only about him and worrying about his welfare. But when Gwaine himself is injured (or has faced a threat of injury), Merlin spends the whole time talking about Arthur. And Gwaine can never measure up to Arthur. Gwaine only received hugs from Merlin when he'd been rejected by Arthur; a part of him believes that he's second best to Arthur in Merlin's eyes. And Gwaine is resigned to that, to never being able to measure up to Arthur, but is not happy about it. But he clings on to Merlin in whatever ways he can. By protecting Arthur. By greeting him when he's released from the cells and being one of the first faces he sees.

And just before their final interaction in the finale, Gwaine doesn't give Merlin a hug after Merlin has faced injury, but a touch on the arm. A touch that is incredibly similar to the one Arthur has given Merlin many times.

Because maybe, just maybe, if Gwaine can prove that he's similar to Arthur, then Merlin might look at him in the same way he looks at Arthur. Might prioritise Gwaine for once. Might even return a fraction of the love that Gwaine hasn't known what to do with for most of the season.

Gwaine would do anything for Merlin, but, by the final season, Merlin only sees him as a shield for Arthur.

#good morning everyone #maybe i am just projecting my behaviours and reactions onto gwaine but i think the point does stand #i feel like this does very much link to merlin's lack of self-worth and how he feels arthur is more important than him #gwaine could prove him wrong but gwaine doesn’t want to face rejection #so he drops subtle hints everywhere but never comes straight out with it #but in conclusion gwaine loves merlin and eira is a rebound and merlin is too preoccupied with keeping arthur alive to notice anything #so gwaine never reveals his feelings #and everyone ends up unhappy #so yay to that #merlin #gwaine #merwaine #merlin meta #merlin gif thoughts #bbc merlin #my gifs #merlin spoilers #bbc merlin spoilers #merlin season 5 spoilers

396 notes · View notes

rohanrider3 · 4 years ago

Text

Brace Yourselves, I have THOUGHTS on this guy

Okay so I just watched Wizards (Tales of Arcadia) and I, along with many other folks, adore one (1) wizard in particular--Hisirdoux Casperan, better known as Douxie. I’m sure you’ve seen the art, the posts, and, well, the internet lately.

BUT HERE’S THE THING. One of the (many) reasons I love this guy. He’s not what one typically gets in a main character, AND he’s very different than other protagonists we’ve met in Arcadia.

TLDR: Protective, kind-as-summer, ultimate “good older brother vibes” wizard who simultaneously 1) doesn’t think much of himself, 2) tries his hardest, and 3) is actually SUPER FREAKING POWERFUL is unique and I love him for all those reasons and more!! (Details (and spoilers) below the cut)

1: He’s young, yes, but he’s extremely experienced. He looks 19, but is 919. As the first episode shows, he’s been doing his best to live a good life and master magic for NINE CENTURIES. All the while looking like a kid! Douxie lived through the fall of Camelot, has seen technology blossom and evolve, AND has seen countless people come and go, all the while completely on his own except for Archie.

2: He’s extremely humble. He’s apparently been working odd jobs FOR ALMOST A MILENNIUM--so he can work from the shadows to protect people from terrors they don’t even know about--and works hard AT ALL OF IT. Menial jobs AND demon-fighting. First episode, he clearly WANTS to use magic to clean up the cafe (and as a former customer service worker I would have sold my wisdom teeth for magic, LET ALONE magic clean-up help!) but he refrains from doing so, because he really took Merlin’s advice to heart.

(Side note: IMO, Merlin’s an ASS. But the advice he gives in the beginning of “Wizards”--along the lines of “Relying on magic alone isn’t enough, first you have to master how to live well and THEN you can master magic, hard work is extremely important and not to be skipped”--is good. AND DOUXIE STICKS WITH IT FOR OVER 900 YEARS. OF HIS OWN VOLITION. Merlin’s in a tomb, he hasn’t been glaring over Douxie’s shoulder all this time!) Which brings me to-

3) Douxie, although a hard worker, sincerely good guy, and all around badass wizard, doubts himself a LOT (thanks Merlin’s endless snarking and yelling.) BUT, instead of always fighting/planning to get Merlin to approve of him, Douxie instead focuses on doing the right thing. But it isn’t easy and Merlin’s dismissal of him/his ideas/Merlin’s constant disparaging put-downs hurts him. But he doesn’t let it stop him.

4) Douxie CARES. A LOT. He’s patient, kind, eager to help, works hard, and has protected humanity from horrors it didn’t even know about for CENTURIES. While he was still an apprentice, with no master, and no other magic users (that we’ve really seen) that could teach him more about his own magic or how to use it. The hedge wizards are cool, but we don’t get to see much of them and it looks like they’re more of a side society in Arcadia than something Douxie’s strictly a part of.

5) Douxie protects whoever he can whenever he can. To him, all life is precious, and he gives off major “is anyone else protecting this person or trying to make things better okay cool cool cool, I’m gonna try to do that as much as I can for as many as I can right now!” attitude. Which gives off major older sibling vibes to me.

(To emphasize, he cares about EVERYONE. He’s distraught at the thought of Arthur’s death, HE’S the one who uses his magic to remind--not enchant, REMIND--Arthur and Morgana of their old love of the forest and of Gwen (apparently the glue that held their trio together) and how, each in their own way, they miss her and still love each other. HE’S the one who’s constantly checking the time continuum, and keeps trying to tell Merlin that it doesn’t have to be Arthur vs. Morgana. But Merlin outright pushes him aside/ignores him, and events take their course. Interesting note: Right during the big fight scene in the past with Arthur vs. Morgana, just before Arthur cuts off Morgana’s hand with Excaliber and she falls to her death, you’ll notice the time continuum is blue. Which means it’s fine. The future is good. Douxie could go back to his future no problem. BUT WHEN HE SEES MORGANA’S DEAD FORM as part of the repaired timeline, HE SHOUTS AND RUNS TOWARD THEM TO TRY AND STOP IT. Morgana being DEAD didn’t mess up the timeline. Excaliber being broken did. But Douxie was still trying to save Morgana AND Arthur, and only the blast of magic from their fight knocked him back. And he still grieves her death as one of the parts of his failure, even while Merlin pushes him aside and focuses on Arthur and Excaliber in the aftermath of the battle.

6) Does anyone else think Douxie has a major guilt complex/super messed up self esteem? Because Douxie tearfully shouting “I’m so sorry! This is all my fault!” to Merlin, AS DOUXIE’S OWN LIFE IS IN DANGER AFTER HE TRIED TO SAVE HIS FRIENDS and keep the Arcane Order from destroying the world...that hit hard. His life is on the line and (most likely) his last words are a plea for forgiveness to the Master that routinely dismissed him as an incompetent idiot and was more than happy to leave teenagers (!TEENAGERS!) who’d fought and risked everything to protect the world to die horribly at the hands of his enemies. Douxie--caring, kind-hearted, I-get-my-ass-rountinely-handed-to-me-but-always-get-up-again DOUXIE was the one who ran back to get Jim and Claire. Not Merlin. Merlin was *this close* to leaving to protect Nari for the greater good, and only reconsidered because Douxie had thrown himself into the fray (and despite his best efforts got thrown hard into a rock wall by The Green Knight. And then volleyball spiked into the (equally hard rock) floor and crushed by MindControlledTrollJim.

7) Douxie DOES NOT GIVE UP. Merlin writes Jim’s injuries off as hopeless and him as a lost cause, but Douxie relentlessly tries to figure out ways to fix things. Arthur and Morgana’s relationship, Jim’s injury/worsening curse, all the scenarios where they (it looks like) have to choose between saving their friends AND the world. He doesn’t just shrug and write off losses the way Merlin does. Douxie keeps throwing himself at problems and putting himself at risk to solve them.

8) He’s honest. (Certain Lad of Fortune bowl games aside ;) ) Merlin only told Jim the problem with the wound and left it at that. Douxie makes sure that Claire knows the reality of the situation and promises he’ll find a way to fix it. He knows their situation isn’t ideal, but he refuses to just shrug and leave things as they are. He’s more than willing to throw himself wholeheartedly into finding a way to fix things and refuses to let defeat stop him. Which leads me to, finally--

9) Douxie willingly, without flinching or making a big deal about it, walks into the jaws of death for his friends and the world. For Pete’s sake, he does it with a SMILE. He KNOWS getting his friends back is a long shot. He KNOWS the Arcane Order cannot get Nari AND the Seals, or else the world is doomed--AND he could easily have chosen to go on the run, with the Seals, for the rest of his life. His friends would have died (or worse), Nari would have been trapped with the Order for the rest of time, but the world (and Douxie) would have been safe. Why? The Order doesn’t know he has the seals. Merlin said they could be FOUND if his staff was destroyed, he didn’t say they were STORED there. (And yeah, I wanted Douxie to trick the Order with fake Seals too, but after some thought I’d argue that they’re ancient and powerful enough where they probably wouldn’t have been fooled by or chased after a fake.) Also, going on the run with inanimate objects your hunters don’t know you have and having the kind of magic Douxie does--he could have had a niiiiiice life. Maybe a little mobile, but arguably MUCH easier than constantly making sure a small forest spirit doesn’t get snatched up by her angry brethren. In any case--

Douxie’s plan included--and even hinged on--his willingness to die buying his friends and Nari time to escape. He BUILT IT INTO HIS PLAN. And that bravery, courage, and matter of fact heroism--along with that defiant smirk he gives the Order when they threaten to kill him--is why I love this guy so much.

#douxie #wizards #tales of arcadia #toa spoilers #wizards spoilers #long post #but its about DOUXIE you guys #heroism #protectiveness

286 notes · View notes

hiimsociallyawkward · 4 years ago

Text

the darkest hour pt 1

the destiny and chicken podcast is finally back so I finally started rewatching merlin season 4. so basically i'm just going to make a list of things that I thought about while watching

'rests on the shoulders of a young man'??? PLS BBC

the opening scene in camelot. i just love it so much. tbh i'm kind of in love with all the "inner working" stuff of working in the castle

ok also, is this the first appearance of merlin and his purple shirt????? i love it

HIM IN THE KITCHEN?? GWAINE AND PERCIVAL?? I LOVE THIS.

BRO. LANCELOT. FRICK THIS. I LOVE LANCELOT BUT ALSO JUST SANTIAGO IN GENERAL. I LOVE HIM. I'M GONNA BE SAD IN THE NEXT EPISODE

literally. merlin and arthur are so domestic. can they please no. bro bro bro i'm crying. AS;FDLKJF;ASLKD THERE'S A GIF THAT I'VE BEEN SEEING ON TUMBLR OF ARTHUR LOOKING BASHFUL ESQUE AND HE THROWS HIS QUILL DOWN AND I LOVE IT WHAT THE HECK PLS STOP I'M CRYING

gwen is absolutely perfect. how is angel coulby so pretty. also, her serving the king after everything she'd done to him. wow

morgana and morgause going to the isle of the bless 💀💀

FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE. I. D E S P I S E. YOU. PLS. DIE. ALREADY

omg the feast back in camelot. when merlin falls and lancelot is the one who runs after him??? and arthur ?? Idek what kind of reaction that's suppose to be. right off the bat it looks annoyed?? but it could also be 'oh i'm the prince, but also i'm worried that's merlin, jeez keep your composure man. come on now, overcompensate so no one knows how you're actually feeling'

again, it's only lancelot and gaius with merlin after he passes out.

merlin wrapped in a blanket like a little burrito is just 🥰 he's talking about the dorocha but still

also they mentioned samhain and i want to talk about but not here. anyways, i'll get back you to guys on this note.

MERLIN WAKING ARTHUR UP. stop that was so homely and i loved it.

when arthur is comforting the girl who came to camelot because her village was raided?? idk if raided is the right word but that's what i'm going with rn

oh haha when the gang rode out to the girl's village and we get jump scared by the chicken?? yes, yes i did get jump scared by the chicken

gwaine and his apples?? yes pls

i just kept on thinking that the dorocha kept reminding me of dementors. idk it's not exactly the same because dementors sort of suck your happiness and merlin couldn't use magic against the dorocha, but still idk i just felt connection vibes

literally angel is so pretty. and then gwen goes to check on the soldier despite SO MUCh danger?? i love her.

omg when gaius goes "no mortal has ever survived their touch" and i'm just thinking. MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN. anyways

alskfjalsjfa;sdlkfa when merlin and arthur are in arthur's chambers and the candle rolls away and they're pals. they're actually PALS. like they have some quips here and there but they're honest to god pals and not even arthur can deny that

'definitely not humorless' 'that's because you're not funny' PLS

when pervical saves those children and elyan saves them?? i love them all

ofc arthur is gonna sacrifice himself. freaking savior's complex. 'i love him though' to pieces.

UGHHH 'MY LADY' 'MY LORD' PLS. I ASDJFALSDJFALSDFJ

omg. i hate uther with everything that i am, but still arthur taking to his father and giving him a forehead kiss before he goes off to die?? and uther saying 'don't leave me" "please"??? come on. i'm crying

SLAK;FJSLAJF. idc if you ship merthur i sure as hell do but still. these moments between arthur and gwen and just *golden*. just this whole scene. i love them so much. i love arthur so much.

god this show. having the gang walk in slow mo?? pls spare me

FRICK MY LIFE. when arthur gave agravaine the seal it reminded me of the deleted scene where arthur gives merlin the seal and i just get MAD again that they cut it out. PLS

merlin's whole speech about dying for arthur. i mean, we all knew it was coming but still. and gaius. gaius sucks but still, merlin is practically his son at this point, and gaius just has to let him go and i'm crying

fricken hell the knights in their capes?? i can't handle that they look so noble omg

AHH GWEN AND LANCELOT. FIRST SANTIAGO LOOKS SO GOOD BUT LANCELOT'S SMILE WHEN HE SAYS HER NAME.

until the line where gwen goes 'will you grant me a favor' i completely forgot about this heart wrenching fic that I read. Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic ?? dude your fic absolutely ripped me to SHREDS and i completely forgot about it until the one line and i PHYSICALLY screamed. good on you you're the best.

anyways. i'm dying at this. when lancelots says he'll protect arthur with his life and that gwen has his promise?? pls.

literally, any scene of just lance and merlin reminds of that fic now. whenever i see lancelot looking at merlin i just think he's pining and i'm crying.

god some of the scene are actually beautiful.

LITERALLY

the knights all working together?? bros being bros

merlin using magic and then doing that little lip quirk half-smile at lancelot is just UGH

aw when merlin insists on getting firewood with arthur and arthur asking if merlin is the right person and merlin saying as if arthur knows what he's talking about when it coming to collecting firewood and the knights LAUGHING?? i love them

just the whole scene of merlin and arthur together

i would parse out individual pieces but tbh just the whole thing

i love it

i love them

the callback line where they think they might've 'gotten on' if things were different?? pls

TOGETHER?? STOP RN

oh god you knew this was coming

merlin throwing himself at the dorocha instead of arthur.

all of them running towards merlin

merlin's FACE

anyways. i'll be back tomorrow to rant more about the darkest hr pt 2 so i'll see you then!

39 notes · View notes

panharmonium · 4 years ago

Text

...and damn the consequences

These are just some thinky-thoughts that I suppose could be an addendum to this old piece about Morgana, since I saw a couple of different discussion threads in that general vein in the tag a while back, and you know reading about this show always gets my brain going. :)

Most of what I ran into was written with the intention of shifting the blame for Morgana's issues away from Merlin, which is something I appreciate, personally - I've talked plenty myself about the myriad reasons why Merlin does not owe Morgana his secret and does not deserve "blame" for the things she does.

But when the blame is shifted (rightly) away from Merlin, it does sometimes end up getting pushed onto others. And while I do understand where that impulse comes from, I actually tend to approach this from a slightly different perspective, so since I don't think I've ever typed up anything about this particular subject before, I figured I might as well set down a few potential things to consider about a) Morgana (in relation to Gaius, specifically), and b) the more general question of "the blame" (and whether it's really a productive line of discussion, given that the question only has one legitimate answer, for me, at least).

disclaimer, as always: these are just my own thoughts, and nobody is obligated to share them! If my particular perspective isn't interesting to you, don't worry about it - I'm just hanging out talking to myself on my own blog, so feel free to scroll past and continue interpreting the show in whatever way is most enjoyable for you!

i. my favourite patient is always welcome

So, first of all - some thoughts about Gaius.

I was really surprised at how infrequently Gaius appeared, when I first started poking around in the fandom. For such a major character, and for someone who is such a huge part of Merlin's life, I definitely thought he would be more prominent, but essentially the sorts of posts I've seen about him are mostly restricted to two things: 1) memes, and 2) call-outs (he's in a very similar position to Kilgharrah, in that way).

I don't necessarily think those things do him justice, and there’s a lot more we could talk about when it comes to his character, but for now, the only thing I'm really interested in working on is maybe adding some nuance to the perpetual question of Gaius, Morgana, Merlin, and "the blame."

(For clarity’s sake: nothing that follows necessarily means that Gaius makes the “right” decisions. The entire point of his character's history is in fact his failure to always do the right thing - see: Kilgharrah's line where he tells Gaius to “do nothing," because “that is, after all, your talent." What I’m saying in the section that follows is just that there's more to consider about the choices Gaius makes than “he's a coward.")

So - some things to consider, when we think about Gaius and Morgana:

1) One thing I'm not always sure people realize about this show is that neither Gaius nor Merlin knows that Morgana has magic until 2.03.

And I definitely can see why people don’t necessarily realize it, because as we all know this show can be a little haphazard/loosey-goosey with its worldbuilding, but just to help clarify: until 2.03, Gaius does not know that Morgana has magic. He knows that "some of the things she dreamt" have indicated certain future events (NOT all of them, importantly - more on that later), but her dream-visions are also specifically stated to be a separate gift from sorcery - dream-visions and magic are clearly established to be different things in this show, and prior to 2.03, Morgana has only ever demonstrated one of these abilities.

At the end of 1.07, Merlin asks, "Is she like me? Does she have the gift?" and Gaius's response is, "I hope not, for her sake." Earlier, he also says, "The gift of prophecy is too close to the work of magic," indicating that the two things are, in fact, different abilities (if equally dangerous ones, in Uther's eyes). “It's said to be an innate ability. Those who have it are born that way.” Whereas magic, in the Merlin-verse, is a learned skill. We spend so much time around Merlin that we tend to transfer his experience to all other magic-users, but we have to remember that Merlin, in this world, is directly stated to be unique. He uses magic without spells, without study; he tells Gaius he was born doing it. But when Gaius hears Merlin say this, his response is, "That's impossible." It's not something that happens.

In the Merlin BBC-verse, people can be born with the "gift" - the ability to use magic - but their magic doesn't just manifest on its own. What happens to Merlin (being able to use magic "before he could talk," with no training and no spells) and Morgana (starting a fire accidentally) is NOT something that is indicated to ever happen to other magic-possessors. We aren't being introduced to a world where magical children will automatically start manifesting their magic in dangerous ways unless they're trained to use their abilities (ie, the X-Men model, or the Force-sensitive child model, where choosing not to teach someone is automatically irresponsible ). Magic, as presented to us in this show, is something that cannot be used without training or specific spells/power-amplifying artifacts. Merlin (and, later, Morgana) are exceptions to a universal rule.

And this is just something to keep in mind, because it does provide some context for Gaius's decisions. It doesn't mean people have to agree with the choices he makes - it doesn't even mean *I* always agree with the choices he makes, to be honest - but I do think it's worthwhile to at least remember that Gaius doesn't make his decisions thoughtlessly. As far as Gaius knows, even if Morgana did have magic, there is no way that it could ever manifest and become an issue for her without her being trained. If she doesn't learn how to use magic, she can't use it, period. And if she can't use it, no one will ever know she has it. And if no one ever knows she has it, no one can ever kill her for it.

(Once we hit 2.03, the conversation changes, obviously. It becomes clear that Morgana is some kind of anomaly as well, and at that point, the only appropriate path forward is to tell her she has magic.)

(Which is, of course, precisely what Merlin does.)

2) According to the show, only "some of" Morgana's dreams have actually played out in real life; others have just been regular nightmares (and we see later on that even some of her prophetic dreams are vague to the point of incomprehensibility - eg, she dreams about a raven in 2.01, but how would she ever know what that meant, or if it meant anything at all, barring external context?) Some of the risk/benefit analysis on Gaius's part has to take this problem into account - what if he did tell her that some of her dreams might be prophecies? There would be no way for anyone to sort out which ones were real and which ones were just nightmares. And Gaius has known Morgana all her life - he knows what she's like; he knows how headstrong she is. She would assume all of her dreams were real, and she would act on all of them, because what if the one time she ignored a dream, something bad happened to someone she cares about?

Gaius is familiar enough with Morgana to know with absolute certainty that this is what she would do. And he knows that this could SO easily end up getting her killed, either by Uther, who would quickly figure out that something was going on, or by the sheer dangers associated with Morgana throwing herself into confrontations based only on uncertain visions (or worse, regular old dreams).

3) We also have to think about what this show tells us about prophecy in general. Trying to act on prophetic information, in this world, is firmly established as a dangerous game, one which, more often than not, ends up directly causing the outcomes one was trying to prevent. Trying to change the future, in the BBC Merlin universe, backfires on people every single time. In 2.10, the Crystal of Neahtid is framed as holding "a terrible power," and Merlin knows instinctively that "no good [will] come of it," even as he feels compelled to look into it. In 3.05, Gaius himself says of the Crystal Cave that "the crystals are treacherous," and Kilgharrah says that "to change the future is no simple matter, Merlin. To do so is fraught with danger." In Season 5, of course, we all know what happens with Merlin's attempts to prevent Mordred from killing Arthur - it ensures Arthur's death! And that's not even mentioning all the collateral damage it causes - Kara's execution, Mordred and Morgana’s eventual deaths, etc.

I thought I could alter the future, but instead, I caused it. I made it happen.

What you did was dangerous, even for someone as gifted as you.

These are truths about the universe in the BBC Merlin world, not Gaius's personal opinions. Gaius had been brought up steeped in the rules of the Old Religion; he knows how that world works. The risk posed by Morgana interpreting all of her dreams as prophecies (and the absolute certainty that she would constantly attempt to alter their outcomes) is not a trivial concern or something he should ignore. It is real, significant, and extremely dangerous, for both Morgana and the people around her.

So in general, I do think there's a broader context to what Gaius does than we typically look at. I'm not saying that it isn't a sticky situation, and I'm not even saying that Gaius makes the right calls. All I'm saying is that I think it's worth acknowledging that the decisions he makes are a) always sincerely intended to protect Morgana from a number of very real dangers, not just Uther, and b) founded on more than simple cowardice or carelessness.

ii. of course what really matters is the blame / someone you can blame

More generally -

Whenever I see discussion circulating about Morgana’s descent into villainy, occasionally the conversation can start to feel to me a little bit like that scene in Into the Woods where all the characters start going "so it's HER fault/HIS fault/YOUR fault" as they backtrack further and further along the chain of events and tear apart every single character's innocuous decisions (the consequences of which could not possibly have been foreseen) in order to escape any scrap of personal responsibility, until the Witch interrupts their bickering and rips them a new one for worrying so much about who to blame when they have a real problem to solve.

These blame-placing conversations about Morgana, much like this scene, are interesting and enjoyable to think about in their own ways, but they rarely get quite where I want them to go. I definitely love seeing people articulate the "we shouldn't blame Merlin for what Morgana does" angle, but things often then slide into "we should blame X person instead", where X person is Kilgharrah or Morgause or Gaius or Uther or whoever.

And for me, that analysis doesn’t quite hit the mark. The correct endpoint of "we shouldn't hold Merlin responsible for Morgana's actions" isn't "we should hold X person responsible instead." The correct endpoint is "the only person responsible for Morgana's actions is Morgana."

The last time I wrote about Morgana like this, I mentioned that ultimately, the difference between Merlin and Morgana for me is that Merlin owns his choices. He feels guilt, he expresses regret, he apologizes for his mistakes, and he blames himself for his missteps (as well as for other things that aren't remotely his fault). Morgana, on the other hand, never apologizes for anything (despite the fact that she's made plenty of mistakes worth regretting), and sometimes it feels like in fandom we don't necessarily expect her to do so, as if it's a benchmark we don't need her to meet.

So because I really do have strong feelings about the double standard we use when it comes to Merlin and Morgana, I want to talk for a minute here about Merlin and Gaius’s relationship, to provide a comparison.

Morgana isn't the only person who's had important information about her parentage and potential abilities withheld from her. Gaius hides both Merlin's dragonlord heritage and the identity of Merlin's father all the way until the end of Season 2, when necessity forces him to reveal the information. Merlin's mother, for her own part, has been hiding this information from Merlin all his life - out of valid fears for Merlin's own safety, of course, the same way Gaius is trying to protect Morgana. But still, from Merlin's point of view, in the moment when the information is revealed to him, the justification offered by his guardians is unacceptable. He is angry and upset, and he feels cheated out of knowledge he deserved to have, the absence of which has negatively affected him all his life. “I had a right to know,” he keeps saying, on the verge of tears.

Has Merlin been harmed by the choices his guardians made for him, even if said choices were made to protect him? Yes. Does he have a right to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry? Yes. Is he entitled to every ounce of his righteous rage? Absolutely.

Is he also responsible for how he reacts, now that the information has been revealed? YES.

Merlin has no say in what his parental figures do to him in the name of protecting him, and he has no choice about how it makes him feel. He does, however, have a choice about what actions he will now take in response. He can react in a way that hurts others, or he can choose a path of lesser harm. And there's plenty we can say to justify both options, certainly, but either way, the decision he makes is on him.

What that means, in short, is this: Merlin is not responsible for what was done to him. But he is responsible for what he himself does next.

The same goes for Morgana. In absolutely no universe would we classify Merlin's behavior as acceptable if he'd reacted to the revelation of his Dragonlord heritage by assassinating Uther, claiming the throne for himself in the name of his murdered kin, and then shooting innocent civilians in the street when the knights refused to recognize his legitimacy. We would never say that was okay. And we definitely wouldn't then blame Merlin's downfall on Gaius, saying it was Gaius's fault for withholding information about Merlin's powers for so long. The choice to act in a harmful way would still be Merlin's, in that situation.

The same standard holds true for Morgana - particularly when she has access to resources that Merlin can't even dream about. She is rich, beyond his wildest fantasies. One of her dresses costs more than everything Merlin has ever owned in his life - his house, his land, his livestock, every bushel of wheat he's ever harvested. She isn't the 1% in comparison to Merlin; she's the 0.0000001% - a princess in all but but name, and one who would presumably be heir to her father's entire estate in addition to everything she already has in Camelot.

Morgana has the wealth to go anywhere she wants, including places where magic is practiced freely (see Helva, as mentioned in S5). She has the prestige to affiliate herself with powerful people outside of Camelot, if she chooses to do so. Any person in her position would have a broad, high-status network of friends and allies, and indeed we do see that Morgana has political ties outside Uther's court (see: how easily she's able to go to Cenred, Agravaine, Annis in Seasons 3/4 and be admitted, recognized, and trusted, as well as her repeated ability to recruit and/or take command of external armies).

She could leave Camelot if she wanted, learn about her abilities, and build a life for herself elsewhere. She could stay in Camelot and use her considerable resources to work toward her people's liberation, without indiscriminately murdering and enslaving the innocent poor. She could seek out other magic-users like Alator in the spirit of true solidarity, as opposed to just using them as tools to get what she wants and then turning on them when they decide that they don’t want to use her sort of tactics to achieve their liberation. She has hundreds of options, none of which necessarily even require her to forgive or reconcile with the people who harmed her, and none of which are even remotely open to Merlin, who (like Morgana) is still learning about his own abilities, and who (unlike Morgana) has no money, no social power, and no connections that he can leverage or lean upon, besides a tiny village of dirt-poor peasant farmers on the other side of the border with Cenred's kingdom.

Morgana has options. The choices she makes are hers. Gaius's decision not to tell her about her dreams is not equivalent to her receiving a blank check for harmful behavior. She has so many resources. She has so much power. She could have chosen so many other paths - like Merlin tries to plead with her, in the crypt, after he tells her that he does not believe she deserves to be executed, despite what she's done: “We can find another way.”

She's the one who says, “There is no other way.” She makes that decision. She chooses to dismiss the thousand other paths available to her.

That's on her. That is always going to be on her.

iii. i'm going to give you one more chance

This last section...it’s more just a muddle of feels-riddled musing as opposed to a real opinion. It's not something that has a right answer or a solution; it's just something I ponder sometimes.

When we talk about harm being done in the real world, we talk about how intentions don't matter. And that is absolutely true, in terms of both the impact of harmful actions and the harm-doer's responsibility to own what they did/make restitution. If someone knocks you down, and you break your arm, the impact of that event doesn't change depending on whether the person in question did it on purpose or not. Your arm's still broken, either way. Intent doesn't matter, in terms of impact and responsibility - the actual harm done is the same, and the person who knocked you down should still be apologizing and making amends, regardless of whether they intended for you to fall or not.

However - intent does matter when you're considering the future of your relationship with the person who knocked you down. It affects how you react to what they did. It changes how you respond to their actions. If someone threw you to the ground on purpose, you'd (probably) feel differently about that than if a friend knocked you down because they were trying to pull you out of the way of an oncoming vehicle, or because they were carrying too many things in their arms and didn't see you turn the corner.

I think about this sometimes when it comes to Morgana and Merlin.

I don't want to frame this as "Morgana should have forgiven everybody who hurt her," because I don't think that's the case. I've written before about how I fully understand her reasons for ultimately rejecting Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Gaius, etc. She's not required to reconcile with anybody if she doesn't want to.

At the same time, though, I do wonder sometimes about intent. And sometimes I ask myself how things might have been different if Morgana had considered intent, before things went completely to hell, and whether the story’s ultimate outcome might have changed, if she had given even just one of these people a chance.

Morgana has plenty of reasons extend some degree of understanding to the people who caused her pain. The vast majority of the people who caused Morgana harm did so either a) out of love, in a sincere attempt to protect her from being killed, b) without any knowledge of the fact that she needed help, or c) after they thought she was attempting to kill everybody in the city. Everything Gaius ever conceals from her is concealed with the intention of keeping her safe. Arthur knows absolutely nothing about Morgana's parentage until after Morgana has already violently invaded Camelot, and he knows nothing about her prophecies/magic, either. Gwen, too, is never told anything about Morgana's parentage or her magic, even though Gwen supports Morgana when Morgana thinks her dreams might be sorcery. And Morgana never comes to Merlin for help, despite his demonstrated support in 2.03 - what he does later, in 2.11, is a response to him legitimately thinking that she is actively trying to kill everyone in Camelot. When she comes back a year later, he forgives her for it immediately, and when he realizes she has turned against them again, he STILL tries to talk her around, to offer his hand.

So I think about that sometimes. And I wonder what would have happened if Morgana had chosen to recognize things like this. Merlin, for his own part, always chooses to recognize things like this when it comes to the people who've done him wrong (and by this I do not mean to say that his response is always the best one - I'm not talking about him consistently allowing Arthur to continue oppressing him and his community, here. I'm talking about him, on an interpersonal level, being able to recognize when the people who've harmed him did so in an attempt to keep him safe, or without fully understanding the potential consequences of their actions.)

Merlin understands that his mother lied about Balinor and the dragonlords in an attempt to protect him, and he continues to love her in spite of the fact that the deception legitimately hurt him. He understands when Gaius gives Finna up to Arthur, because he know that Gaius sincerely believed her to be a trap laid by Morgana. He understands many of the things Morgana does, too, and he gives her all kinds of chances - he knows why she tries to kill Uther in 1.11, and he holds no grudge. He knows she tried to steal the Crystal of Neahtid in 2.10, and again he holds no grudge - he doesn't even suspect her, at the beginning of the next episode, when the entire city falls asleep. He forgives her in 3.01 after she (as far as he knows) tried to kill the entire city at the end of the previous season, and even after she reveals herself to be a traitor in 3.02, he tells her he doesn't believe she deserves to be executed for who she is. He still feels for her. He still understands. He wants to connect with her.

And, admittedly, neither Morgana nor Merlin are obligated to extend this kind of understanding to the people who've harmed them. The impact of the harmful actions is the same, and Morgana doesn't have to give her friends a chance if she doesn’t want to. She doesn't have to consider their intentions.

But she could have. And I think that in some of these situations, there are compelling reasons why she should have.

It's important to me to recognize that Morgana's choice not to ever consider her friends' intentions, particularly when it comes to people like Gwen, who didn't even understand what was going on and who were given no chance to prove their willingness to help Morgana before Morgana attacked first - completely obstructs the possibility of making amends, working things out together, making a connection, or seeking a more positive outcome. Morgana’s actions come out of nowhere, for most of the people who know her. She starts trying to kill them before they ever even know anything is wrong. She doesn’t give them a chance to help her.

And she doesn’t have to, certainly. But I wonder sometimes what things would have looked like if she had.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #sometimes you've got to do what you think is right

54 notes · View notes

duckie-baby · 4 years ago

Text

let's talk about s02e08: the sins of the father.

let's talk about how this could've been a pivotal point in arthur's character arc, if the writers of this show weren't fucking cowards.

let's talk about how it was completely unfair on merlin's part to lie to arthur, because arthur deserved the truth goddamnit and it wasn't merlin's place to take that away from him.

of course, this is later justified by merlin saying that he knows arthur and that he wouldn't be able to live with himself or the guilt of it if he had gone ahead and killed his father. and of course, like every other potentially life-changing event, all of this is never mentioned by the show again.

magic is damned even further in arthur's eyes, uth*r threatens everyone who knows the truth into silence, vaguely implies that he's totally chill with his son fucking his manservant as long as they're all of the same anti-magic ideals, the episode ends in all smiles.

but whew! at least arthur's been protected from the harsher sides of reality, once again! god forbid this character gains any sense of self-awareness!

my point is, if all of this was to keep arthur from killing daddykins bc it would weigh on his delicate conscience, to preserve the Goodness Of His Character As A Man And King, why the fuck should merlin have to lie to him about it?

consider, instead of:

Morgause is lying! She's an enchantress. She tricked you. That was not your mother you saw. That was an illusion. Everything...everything your mother said to you...those were Morgause's words.

we could have had something along the lines of:

What your father did was wrong, Arthur, but is this man the man you want to be? The king you want to be? Would you be able to ascend the throne even as your father's blood glistens, still fresh, on your sword? Would you be able to live with yourself if you made this decision?

if he kills his darling father anyway, honestly, Good For Him. he has every right to. uth*r went through with a dangerous spell despite knowing the risks, then commited genocide in its name whilst lying about his reason as to why.

uth*r has commited genocide.

he is not a good king or father either, as proven several times throughout the show. he deserves no mercy, no pity.

but the choice should've been arthur's to make. this scene should've been a testament to arthur's character.

if he kills daddy dearest anyways but then feels Super Guilty about it later, we know he wouldn't have made a good king. you can't head a country when you're prone to making drastic decisions without thinking them through bc you were throwing pissy fit at the time.

so if he still goes through with it, he must not been shown to regret it.

but say he does let uth*r live. maybe for whatever love remains for the man who raised him. but he renounces him as his king, as his father.

arthur starts publicly going against his policies and decisions. bc if uth*r could have been so wrong about this alone, what else is he wrong about? arthur refuses to carry out his orders if he believes it’s against the interests of the people.

raising taxes? how about No. oh, he can’t knight commoners? just Try and stop him. he learns to trust in the counsel of merlin, gwen, morgana, people who we know interact direct directly with the citizens of camelot and want what’s best for them; builds his own circle. he routinely breaks out prisoners from the dungeons he believe have been punished unjustly.

especially the people who use magic. he openly speaks out against his father and his persecution of it.

uth*r can try and stop him, alright. but there is a clear rift in the kingdom now, two distinct factions. those who believe in the king that arthur will be, and those who believe their loyalty is still to the current monarch.

and look at these people, from the execution scene from s01e01:

look at their faces (and also hnfvbdjh colin morgan and his obscene fucking cheekbones jesus christ). they don't seem to appreciate uth*r saving them from the evils of magic much. how many of them have lost their friends and family to his crusade? how many of them remember a time when magic was still allowed in camelot and the kingdom flourished?

these people will stand with arthur pendragon.

yeah. the ones who still believe in uth*r’s authority are few and far in between. and they know where they can shove it.

arthur learns. about magic, about its history, the old religion. merlin finally reveals his magic to him, so does morgana. he goes to the druids and he falls to his knees and he begs for their forgiveness. morgause begrudgingly allies herself with him, seeing his determination to right his father’s mistakes. he still struggles with the little boy within him who just wants his only parent’s approval, sometimes. but he is slowly but surely becoming his own man.

arthur becomes king long before he takes the throne. uth*r is forced to watch, a meaningless figurehead, as everything he worked to achieve comes undone at the hands of his own son. no attempts to make the viewers sympathise with him. he is angry and miserable and wasting away and there is nothing he can do about it; and it’s exactly what he fucking deserves.

and merlin? merlin finally realises kilgharrah’s word isn’t gospel. morgana is redeemed before she ever loses herself. but they must learn to trust each other again, bc merlin left her to face her fear and self-loathing alone when she needed someone more than ever (you might be cute, merlin, but not enough to get away with THAT). he finds himself taking young sorcerers who don’t know how to control their power under his wing (gilli, daegal, oh god the endless opportunities here), including mordred. MORGAUSE TEACHING MERLIN AND MORGANA MAGIC.

he and arthur are equals now, partners in destiny; the world is theirs.

and for the love of god, give me villains whose entire personality and motivations don’t boil down to I Hate Uth*r Pendragon And Also His Son.

give me kings who are afraid of camelot’s growing power, give me bandits and slave traders who realise they have no place in arthur and merlin’s albion. give me uth*r apologists scrambling to maintain their position in court, hell, give me anarchist organisations if that’s what it takes to spice things up a little.

give me the golden age of albion we were promised.

of course, all of this requires characters acknowledging and growing from their mistakes, and making their actions have lasting consequences — so i suppose it really is a bit too much to ask of the writers.

79 notes · View notes

min-sugar-7 · 4 years ago

Text

DAY 5: “Any other lies to tell me?” + Angst

Read it on AO3 Here!

Merlin slumped against his bed, covering his eyes and willing them not to spill. It felt stupid, really. But he was told for so long that Arthur is the other side to his coin, his other half, his soulmate. He should have known better than to think that destiny would ever favor him.

It probably would hurt less if Kilgharrah did not feed Merlin pointless lies. If he had clearly stated that there would be nothing romantic between them. Because Merlin went ahead and caught feelings, those pesky little things. At least he never got a chance to make a fool of himself.

What was he thinking? Golden Prince, Arthur Pendragon, falling for him? Of course, his true love was a 'she.' At least he never acted on his feelings. At least the only one that knows about them was himself. But it is fine. It’s not like he loves Arthur. He hates him half the time anyway.

A lie.

He is just a little bit heartbroken. Maybe a bit more than little. But he should have known better than to think that there could be anything between them. It is a miracle they are even friends, considering the number of lies Merlin has told him.

That, sadly, did not mean that Merlin got over his feelings. It hurt, seeing Arthur with someone else, but at least it was Gwen. Sweet, kind, strong, and caring Gwen. He couldn’t have chosen anyone better. She’s the best in the world.

So Merlin made sure his two favorite people were happy, even if it meant that he would be pining from a distance. He is glad that Arthur’s happy and smiling, even if those were directed to someone else. It’s fine. Destiny was a stupid thing anyway.

Well, it was fine right up until he was getting crushed under the weight of destiny. If one more person reminded him of his destiny, Merlin would scream. Merlin doubts if he can keep going, carrying the weight of the expectations of sorcerers alive and dead. Not to mention the fact that he’s considered some sort of leader to the magical community. Merlin was not trained for this, will never be trained for this, and cannot possibly live up to their expectations.

Everyone expects Emrys to be some sort of divine leader- fearless and ruthless, a guardian and protector of the magical community. Merlin isn’t Emrys. He doesn’t want to be Emrys. But every single Druid he meets bows and pays their respects and tells him how he’s such a great warlock.

Merlin might as well scream.

They treat him like a God, which is not as great as you would think. Merlin is the one to carry their dreams and expectations. Their hopes and dreams followed him around like dead weight, refusing to leave. He is required to fulfill it. It is either that or let every magical being suffer.

And he is the only one to carry the burden of fate.

He doesn’t have anyone to share it with, not even Gaius. Gaius doesn’t get it either, and never will. He treats Merlin like a son, and for that, he is very grateful. Some days he is sure he would be dead in a ditch if it weren’t for Gaius. But with Gaius, it is a bit different. For him, having Merlin is like having a God for a son, which isn’t that far from the truth. He knows that Gaius worries for him and cares for him. But Gaius also has expectations for Merlin. Expectations he’s afraid he can’t fulfill.

With each passing day, the threat to Arthur’s life grows stronger and more dangerous. Merlin cannot keep up.

Everyone who knows about Merlin’s magic also knows about his destiny. There are people that Merlin does not know that know about Merlin’s destiny. Merlin wants to yell that they are entrusting their freedom to the hands of the wrong person. That he is not the one they should be laying down their lives for. That there must be another sorcerer, one who deserves to be called Emrys.

He feels laced with guilt and regret for the lives of Alator and Finna, along with every other sorcerer's life lost for a cause that is impossible to fulfill. They have laid it all down so Merlin could hear, in painful detail, just how his King is going to die.

Merlin did scream then, in the relative privacy of the forest. Arthur’s going to die, and if Merlin doesn't prevent it, it is all on him. Arthur's death would be on him. It is going to be his fault that there will be no Albion. It is going to be his fault that magic will forever be lost to these lands. It is going to be his fault that Arthur's going to die, and he doesn't want that. He wants Arthur to live a happy and long life.

Somewhere along the line, 'Albion' sounded like 'Arthur.' If given a choice between the two, Merlin would no doubt chose Arthur. He would pick Arthur over and over again. Always Arthur. Because Arthur has become his priority, and he won't be able to live with himself if he let Arthur die. It will all be his fault.

It was his fault anyway. It was his fault Morgana turned. It was his fault that Mordred lived. It was his fault that he didn’t let Morgana die when he had the chance. It was his fault that while trying to show Arthur how good magic can be, he did the complete opposite. For Arthur, magic is something that took his mother, his father, his sister, and his wife. Merlin doubts that saving Gwen made Arthur’s opinion on magic any different.

Everything he does, everything he tries, only brings him closer to the inevitable. Arthur is going into battle at dawn, and Merlin won’t even be there.

Merlin promised Arthur that he would always protect him or die trying. A lie. He failed at both. Now Arthur’s saddled up with a piece of a sword forged in a dragon’s breath inside him, the very same dragon he should have looked after.

Aithusa, Light of the Sun, the very same dragon Kilgharrah said would bode well for Albion, for him and Arthur, and for the land they would build together.

A lie.

It is the sword drenched in her breath that brought Arthur down. Merlin did not have the heart to blame her. Merlin was the one that abandoned her, sent her straight to Morgana.

Gaius trusted him, told him that only he could save Arthur. Said that he would have a bowl of his favorite soup waiting for him, for when he would come back. He said that Arthur would be fine, that the Shide would heal him.

Another lie.

Merlin clutched the wheezing body of his love tighter as if he could will him to stay. It is all his deepest nightmares playing out. Arthur- dying in his arms- practically resenting Merlin’s magic. For all his magic and he still could not save his love.

Nothing, nothing ever could be worse than this.

Until it was.

In any other situation, anything but this, Merlin would have cherished Arthur’s last words. He despised them. He despised his final words, the last whisper of something he has never said before. He despised the way they were told- as if a confession of his deepest darkest secret.

But that is what they were. Arthur had a wife, a loving, doting wife, and yet-

And yet, his last words to Merlin had been a choked whisper of, “I love you.”

Merlin has dreamt of those words, thought about every single way Arthur would tell him. Never like this, though. But those were just that- dreams and fantasies. But Destiny was never easy, was it?

Was it all a lie? Could, heaven forbid, Arthur really love him? Or was it just words spoken out of desperation, just another lie?

Just like how his destiny was a lie? Like how Albion was a lie? Like how the Kingdom they were supposed to build, together, was a lie?

Like how everything Kilgharrah said was a lie. Like how his hopes and dreams were lies. Like how every Druid lied. Like how everything was a lie, a half-baked truth, a stupid fantasy.

“There is nothing you can do, Merlin, for all that you have dreamt has come to pass,” Kilgharrah said.

Lies.

He had failed. He’d failed Arthur. He’d failed Morgana. He’d failed Gwen. He'd failed Gaius. He’d failed Mordred, Isidir, and Freya. He’d failed Finna, Alator, and Gili. He’d failed Daegel, Balinor, and Hunith. He’d failed all the sorcerers that died during and after the Purge. He’d failed all the sorcerers living in fear. He’d failed all that sorcerers that are yet to be born.

Merlin stayed long after he sent Arthur away, no doubt his bowl of soup growing cold. He learned that Gwaine, too, had passed in a last attempt to run Morgana through. It was not supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be the three of them, Courage, Strength, and Magic, standing side-by-side, ready to face whatever destiny throws at them.

Another Lie.

He made it as far as Camelot’s gates, listening to the echoes of “Long Live the Queen,” before deciding that Camelot would prosper under Gwen’s rule. He could never, ever face her again. Not after his failure, not after the lies. Not after being the keeper of his King’s last words, which no doubt should have belonged to Gwen.

He only scried for Gaius when he felt the old man’s life slipping away. Gaius saw him and heard him, telling him that they missed him there. No doubt another lie. Merlin watched as the light behind Gaius’s eyes dimmed, saying one last goodbye to the closest thing he had to a father.

Soon it was Kilgharrah, and then Geoffrey, then Gwen, then Leon, then Percival, then Audrey, Queen Annis, Queen Mithian, Queen Vivian, Queen Elena, Isidir, Gili, Sefa…

He should have guessed that he would be punished in some way. The Gods made him immortal, forever waiting for Arthur to return. Forever waiting near the lake, never allowed to be away from Albion for long.

Excalibur might have been his only way out, but he had disposed of it into the lake soon after Arthur died. Again, that could have been a lie too.

The world changed. Green and magic got replaced by iron and steel. Aithusa passed peacefully in her sleep, never once forgiving Merlin for slaying Morgana. Magic slipped away from the land slowly, until the last tendril of magic died along with the last wizard, leaving Merlin to be the only source of magic left.

All of it seeped deep into the Earth’s core, locked away and to never be accessed, leaving the Earth barren.

Wars broke out, along with famine, storms and disasters, and death. The Lake of Avalon remained still and timeless, forever preserved by the Gods, like Merlin.

Merlin looked up at the sky, where he believed the Gods to be, long forgotten like the legend of his love and his legacy. The Gods were never merciful. They had disappeared too, the last of them forgotten like Merlin. But Merlin was forced to keep living, forever traveling the Earth, never straying too far from the lake.

“Any other lies left to tell me?” Merlin said, resigned and pitiful, as he felt the world falling apart around him. Arthur never once returned, dooming Merlin to watch as humans ripped apart from each other, unable to help. They tear themselves apart, rebuilding and rehabilitating soon after. They, too, had been cursed to keep going, destroying and restoring. And for all Merlin knew, that also could have been a lie.

#merthurweek2020 #day5 #angst #fic #prompt fill #unrequited love #requited unrequited love #immortal merlin #major character deaths #minor character deaths #lots and lots of angst #pining!merlin #bbc merlin

20 notes · View notes

hall-of-merlin2 · 4 years ago

Text

Magic, Monsters and Merthur - 1x02 - (Merthur)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right! This turned out way longer than both of the other posts. I’m sure you Merthur shippers will appreciate this.

I know I do.

The Merthur content in here is incredible!

No more rambling!

<_><_><_>

03:31

*snicker*

Cutie.

<_><_><_>

03:41

CASE IN POINT.

<_><_><_>

04:55

GWEN TOO. SHE’S AN ADORABLE CUTIE FOR HELPING MERLIN WITH THIS DUMB SHIT.

This particularly <3

And, as a bonus, she’s cute.

<_><_><_>

05:39

Hmm...

You sure about that sweetie?

(Also, yes, I am purposefully making the screencaps as awful as I can. I want my eyes bleeding out of my sockets by the end of season 1.)

<_><_><_>

10:08

Ah, the infamous line. What does it mean??? Does Arthur like Merlin now??? Arthur is still mean after laughing at Merlin’s joke!!!

Means nothing, I think. Merlin probably spoke what Arthur was thinking, or it was just so unexpected that Arthur could only reply with a chuckle, basically saying “Did you really just say that?” with a quirked eyebrow, raised in disbelief.

I mean, how many people do you think could openly say something “negative” about a knight? Not a knight, that’s for sure, let alone a servant, a peasant. And Arthur is still trying to adjust to having this… This curious thing as his personal servant, just as much as Merlin is trying to get adjusted to being pressed under a boot for the first time in his life.

And I think, judging by their conversation that I will mention later, that they both feel something similar for each other.

A certain trust.

And… Yeah, trying to keep the “I want to kill him” thoughts to a minimum.

<_><_><_>

19:10

First, it was “Good Luck”.

Then, it was a pat on the shoulder.

And it’s all only happening because Merlin realizes that Arthur gets extremely nervous before every fight.

That is someone who is stressed. Very much. On the brink of breaking down.

Merlin can’t address that, and he doesn’t. He just does these little gestures in hopes that Arthur will just take a deep breath when he remembers them and focuses on the fight with a calm mind.

And that’s just… That’s just so sweet.

Merlin was handling Arthur’s stress before the pratty prince even realized he was stressed.

<_><_><_>

21:40

Gaius acting surprised that just after he mentioned that if they had the antidote, they could have a chance of proving Valiant’s guilt, Merlin immediately got up and nearly ran out of the room – Gaius. Do you seriously not understand that Merlin loves getting into trouble?

<_><_><_>

“I don’t like the guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s cheating.”

“Gaius is preparing an antidote to the snake venom, when Ewan’s conscious, he’ll tell you what happened.

“If you fight Valiant in the final, he’ll use the shield, it’s the only way he can beat you.

“Look at it! Have you ever seen snakes like this in Camelot?”

***

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

...

“I want you to swear to me what you’re telling me is true.”

“I swear it’s true.”

...

“Then I believe you.”

24:43

This is the convo I was referencing earlier. Just the fact that Arthur doesn’t deny the obvious proof Merlin has with him, but still is in denial because a knight using magic is unheard of, and just impossible in his mind, since knights are… valiant, but then Arthur asks Merlin to swear, like an equal to him knight would, to prove that they are not lying, he thinks of Merlin as honorable enough to understand the importance of swearing, even though he probably wouldn’t expect any other servant to. From the second episode Merlin is different from others in Arthur’s eyes.

And that’s not even taking into account the implications of this scene. Merlin comes to Arthur because he trusts that Arthur won’t dismiss him and throw him into the dungeons for badmouthing a knight, and will hear him out before giving a final verdict. None of the other knights would have even listened to him beyond “Valiant is using magic!”, they would have shut him down then and there. Arthur is different from others in Merlin’s eyes.

It’s episode 2 guys. It’s episode 2 and already we have scene like this!

How the hell can it go up from here?

It can go up and beyond what we know as gay.

I mean bisexual.

Or demisexual? I kind of liked that theory…

What we know as Merthur! There.

<_><_><_>

27:01

Like here!

Merlin whispers an important thing – not getting close to the shield – but Arthur hadn’t thought of that, so he lets himself be reminded of that by Merlin, when he could have told him to shut up instead.

IT’S EPISODE 2.

<_><_><_>

30:50

I know I’m missing the point of this scene, but…

This time?

Is he talking about…

I think Arthur’s talking about his armor.

Like… Yeah, it actually is quite important. If the armor’s not tightened properly, or it’s rusty, or if it’s not fixed/cleaned since the last day, then it’s a pretty big deal in a fight. It can cost one’s life, and Arthur’s putting his in Merlin’s hands with all of his duties.

This is why this episode breaks my heart – because Arthur truly had no reason to distrust Merlin or not believe what he’s saying, and Merlin had no reason not to share what’s going on with Arthur when they’re going on a dangerous journey. After this whole mess Arthur is far more dismissive of what Merlin says, especially since the boy doesn’t have nearly as much proof as he had this time. Yes, Valiant did prove to be using magic, and what Merlin said did come true, but I think Merlin himself is less keen on sharing his suspicions with Arthur or anyone else other than Gaius, if not to avoid this whole emotional mess, then to avoid the difficulty of explaining how he knows things and their legitimacy. No more just… walking up to Arthur and saying what’s happening, no more Arthur believing him.

It’s just… agh.

<_><_><_>

“[Valiant] will use the shield against you.”

“I know.”

“Then withdraw. You have to withdraw-”

“Don’t you understand? I can’t withdraw.”

***

“Valiant will kill you. If you fight, you die.”

“Then I die.”

36:01

God… Damn.

This is how every knight is, isn’t it? It’s better to die with honor than to live in shame.

A perfect tenant to live by to die before you’re 20.

Unless you have a secret warlock to protect you, then you’ll make it.

To 30.

<_><_><_>

36:38

Some people say that Merthur became canon in the second episode.

I just want to do my part and point out that this is how Arthur reacts when Merlin leaves after the prince shouted at him.

First time was right after that god-awful court session, the second after Arthur sadly admits that he can’t withdraw, and he must die before he disappoints his father.

<_><_><_>

44:19

I don’t think he is. I think he’s just repeating what Uther has ingrained into him – to only care about himself, and his own accomplishments, to never take the help of other people, because he doesn’t need other people, he alone can and will take on the world.

That’s not talk of someone who’s ashamed of being saved by a girl, but someone who thinks that they were capable of doing whatever it is by themselves. And because they didn’t, it turns to denying facts and just propping themselves up, focusing on what they did rather than what the their helper did.

He will never know that it wasn’t just Morgana who saved him that day, but also Merlin, Gaius too and even Gwen, but acknowledging that getting help from other people is a thing he did and understanding that without them he would be nothing is something he still struggles with until season 4 and a bit beyond, so let’s just…

Let’s just hate Uther for making Arthur so hard to deal with in the beginning.

And let’s praise the people around him for having the patience to live with him and the gall to call him out on his bullshit from time to time. Those people deserve a holiday, several of them.

<_><_><_>

44:37

Arthur approached Merlin to sneer about Morgana! Out of all the people in the ballroom, Arthur felt that he couldn’t talk about Morgana behind her back with anyone, except for Merlin.

How would a knight react? How about another noble? A servant?

Neither of them would either agree with him or tease him about it, which Merlin would do if only he didn’t feel slightly awkward that THE PRINCE FUCKING ARTHUR JUST WALKED UP TO HIM AND STARTED TALKING LIKE THEY WERE FRIENDS.

Heh…

Yeah.

Merthur was canon by episode 2.

AND THEN HE APOLOGIZES FOR TREATING MERLIN HARSHLY ONCE HE NOTICES THAT THE POOR BOY IS CONFUSED ABOUT WHY HE’S TALKING TO HIM.

SJGNOIUDRHNGIUJSRGUJNRDOIUNGVJKJNGRNIUERJNGUIHNJHBK

PRECIOUS BOYS.

<_><_><_>

45:25

I think Arthur just enjoys putting that look on Merlin’s face.

Don’t take that out of context.

<_><_><_>

The episode starts with Valiant getting his snakey shield, and murdering a guy. It ends with a feast in Arthur’s honor! Even though all he did was stab his sword into Valiant. Quite heroic. Uther approves.

<_><_><_>

The Magic

The Monsters

18 notes · View notes

madasthesea · 7 years ago

Note

You used to watch Merlin, right? What about a Merlin fic? Congrats on the followers.

Thank you! And yes, I love and am forever angry at Merlin, as all true fans are. I’ve had this story sitting in my drafts for ages, so I hope you don’t mind me breaking it out here. (I’m like 99.5% sure I’ve never posted it anywhere, but sorry if I have)

The chimera falls, the lion’s mouth hanging open, the goat’shead lolling grotesquely, the remains of the snake body writhing for a momentin the fallen leaves before going still. There’s a moment of silent relief, andthen—

“What. The. Devil. Was. That!” Merlin shouts just as Arthuryells

“What were you thinking, you idiot?” They round on eachother, storming forward until they’re practically nose to nose, continuingtheir tirades, loudly, in the other’s face.

The Knights of Camelot watch on, surprised. Arthur andMerlin don’t fight. They bicker and insult and Arthur throws punches andgoblets and Merlin rolls his eyes and, occasionally, they storm off in oppositedirections and don’t speak for a while. But they don’t argue, not like this,not shouting at the top of their lungs, their anger ringing like explosionsaround the clearing.

“Should we stop them?” Leon asks, warily.

“—You could have been killed! Because Prince-freaking-Arthurneeds to show off—“

“—You were just standing there, you didn’t even have asword—“

“Nah,” Gwaine says, making shooing motions until the knightsturn away and begin to deal with the remains of the monster. “Better they haveit out here than at the castle.”

Arthur and Merlin, totally oblivious to their audience,probably would have gone on like that for quite some time, if Merlin didn’twince in pain when he moved his arm.

“You’re hurt,” Arthur remarks, his voice tight and stillsimmering with anger, but no longer shouting. Merlin looks down at his leftsleeve, dark with blood and torn to shreds. He scowls at it, then Arthur, thengoes and sits at the base of a tree, pulling medical supplies out of hissaddlebags on the way. Arthur’s face goes white, then red, when he sees thegashes marring Merlin’s upper arm.

“Why, Merlin, do you alwaysfeel the need to throw yourself in the path of the most dangerous thing around?Are you that much of an idiot that you don’t realize that you’re supposed toget out of the way of giant magicalbeasts?” Arthur rants, still loud but on the softer side of yelling, pacingback and forth in the small space not occupied by trees, horses, or a largechimera corpse. He’s dirty, sweaty, and red-faced in fury, but whole andunharmed. The fact that Merlin is not, that he is currently wrapping foot afterfoot of bandages around his arm and still not stopping the blood flow, seems tofuel his anger.

“You’re one to talk. And I was trying to prevent it from killing you, in case you didn’t notice!”Merlin matches him for volume, pausing in his sloppy ministrations to look atArthur incredulously.

“All I saw was you clamoring to be a chimera’s dinner! And Iknow you have delusions of grandeur, Merlin, but why on earth would you thinkit’s your job to protect me?”

“Cause you’re my best friend, and you bloody well know it!”Merlin shouts, irate. “And my plan was working perfectly, you didn’t need tojump in,” he adds, looking back down to his poorly done bandaging.

Arthur has stopped his pacing and is staring at his manservant,blinking repeatedly. It takes him a moment to notice that Merlin is trying totie off the linens with one hand and his teeth. He rolls his eyes, then stridesforward and crouches next to him, brushing Merlin’s attempts away.

“I didn’t,” Arthur says softly, as he undoes the shoddybandaging job and starts over.

“You didn’t step in front of a charging chimera and almostget killed? Because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what happened,” Merlinseethes, and it’s not that he’s angry at Arthur, really. But Merlin had seen, withaid of his magic, the snake’s fangs come within inches of tearing out Arthur’sthroat. The terror of thinking that he wouldn’t be fast enough to save himlingers in Merlin’s mouth like a bitter tonic, and his muscles are tense as hesits, watching as Arthur winds the red-stained linen around his bicep.

“No, I didn’t know… that.” He ties off the bandagescarefully and then seems unsure of what to do with his hands. “That I’m… Ididn’t know,” he trails off, then steels himself before glancing up and meetingMerlin’s wide eyes.

“Arthur,” Merlin breathes, but Arthur just looks back toMerlin’s injured arm and begins to clean the blood from his skin with a ragdampened with water from his own wineskin.

“I thought… Gwaine. Or Gwen even.” He doesn’t look upagain, but he knows Merlin’s shaking his head a little.

“No. Don’t get me wrong, they’re amazing and I love them.But they’re not you,” Merlin says, shrugging with one shoulder and Arthurcarefully keeps his head bent over Merlin’s blood crusted hand so his smallsmile isn’t visible.

“You never said.” Is all Arthur replies with and Merlin feelscontrite for a moment.

“Arthur, why do you think I follow you everywhere? I go onpatrols with you, and on quests, and to battle…. I wouldn’t do that justbecause you’re my master,” Merlin confesses, almost whispering, and he wants totug Arthur’s chin up so he’ll look him in the eyes, but he’s fixated on cleaningaway the blood that has settled in the lines of Merlin’s palm.

“No, but… as the prince…” he trails off, dropping Merlin’sleft hand and moving to his right, and he appears to be grateful for thedistraction. It means he doesn’t have to look Merlin in the eye.

“Arthur, it’s true that if you die, Camelot loses its heir. Andthat I want to see your reign more than anything.” Arthur’s hands lose theirrhythm for a moment, before resuming steadily. “But, Arthur,” he continues, andhe finally gives in to the desire to tilt Arthur’s chin up until he can’t lookaway. “If you died, I would…. I don’t.” He stops and drops his hand fromArthur’s face, but it doesn’t matter, because Arthur’s attention is riveted onthe way Merlin’s breath hitches and the desolated fear that washes over hisfeatures. “I don’t know if I would ever recover.”

Arthur watches him until he quirks the corner of his mouthto assure him that he wasn’t about to fall apart. Then he gently returns tocleaning the last of the blood from Merlin’s hand.

“You’re mine, as well. Just so you know,” Arthur finallymurmurs as he releases his hold on Merlin’s wrist. Merlin’s heart lurchesgiddily and his cheeks flush with pleasure at the assurance of Arthur’saffections. He wants to pledge to him that, even though Arthur had only meanthis best friend, he is Arthur’s—his magic,his service, and his life. But as Arthur rinses out the rag and straightens hishunched shoulders, he has a feeling that Arthur has reached his “feelingsquota” for the month.

“That’s good,” Merlin says instead of the oaths and promisesthat are burning in his throat. “This would have been a bit awkward, if not.”

Arthur throws back his head and laughs, breaking the bubblethey had been in. He stands, and offers his hand to help Merlin up. Since oneof his arms is laying rather uselessly against his chest, he reaches up andtakes it gladly. Once he’s standing, Arthur throws his arm around Merlin’sshoulders and leads him to where the knights are saddling up their horses.

Merlin needs help getting into his own saddle, and Arthurrolls his eyes and calls him a girl and Merlin accidently-on-purpose kicks himin the face. They’re going to be just fine.

#Merlin #brotp: everything I do is for him #yeesh this is sappy #my writing #fic #200 follower celebration #kittyorleans

6 notes · View notes