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weasleydream · 5 years ago

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Their girl

Here it is!! I have to admit I’m proud of this one (that’s why I even made a teaser) and I really hope you will love it too!

Just for information, a part is based on HBP movie and I’ve used a citation from Dr. Seuss (Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)

I really hope you enjoyed as much as I did, and don’t hesitate to give me feedbacks and to comment, like or reblog!

Masterlist

(gif not mine)

Teaser

The trail was narrow, so narrow that the brambles growing on each side hurt my legs through the torn fabric of my jeans. I held my wand as tight as possible with my right hand while I constantly wiped my sweat from my forehead with my left one. My breath was jerky and my lungs were burning, along with my legs, but I couldn’t take the risk to stop now. I had to reach the cavern as soon as possible; I had to tell Sirius he was caught. The screams were getting louder and louder behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to see they were catching up with me. Suddenly, the somber entrance of the cavern appeared in front of me.

Something was wrong. When I had left, the ivy was arranged so that it could hide the cavern, but now it was on the ground. Fearing that Sirius had already been found, I used my last strengths and ran in the cavern. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, but George was here. He was standing a few meters away from me, looking at me with the same look full of hatred than my pursuers.

“You lied to me.”

His voice was hoarse, and I heard all the venom he probably wished he could have spit. His hands were clenched in fists and he took a few steps forward. I feared him. What if he hit me? The George I knew would have never done it, but the boy in front of me wasn’t really him. It was a copy, just a copy whose goal was to destroy me at all costs.

Absorbed by George, I hadn’t realized the screams were louder than ever. I suddenly felt their presence behind me and I slowly turned around, deciding giving my back to George was less dangerous than ignoring what was behind. When I saw their bodies, I gasped loudly and my weak knees stopped supporting me. They were both dead, their faces covered in blood as it seemed like they had been severely beaten. Crimson drops fell regularly from a strand of Sirius’ hair. Remus’ scars were completely invisible underneath the bruises. My loud cry echoed in the stone and I clasped my hands on my mouth.

The crowd in front of me opened, people stepping backward with a sort of silent respect emanating from them. He walked slowly toward me, his snake eyes fixed on mine and his smile more terrifying than anything else.

“They are dead because of you, Y/N. You are the responsible of their death. They are dead because of you.”

Lord Voldemort took his wand and pointed it on me. In a last attempt to stay alive, I jumped on my feet even though I was too desperate to find a way to escape. It was useless, though, because George’s arms were maintaining me firmly in front of my death.

“They are dead because of you, Y/N. They are dead because of you. Because of you. Because of you..”

I suddenly woke up, tangled in the sheets that were now soaked with my sweat. I sat and pushed furiously with my legs until the wet fabric fell on the floor and I threw my pillow against the wall, for good measure. I had felt my tears on it, and the salty drops were still rolling on my cheeks. I tried my best to calm my breath, but the terror that had taken over me was too strong. I abruptly got up and hit the nearest wall. Once, twice. I only stopped when my breath became less shaky and I felt the blood flooding from my knuckles. I decided I didn’t care and sat on the floor, the back resting against the wall, and like absolutely every night since I had to stay with Sirius, I thought about both my life and my nightmares.

I was an orphan. I had spent all my childhood in a muggle orphanage, not understanding why strange things happened around me and not around the others. One day, I had received Professor Dumbledore’s visit and he had explained me everything. The magical world, Hogwarts, he had even given me some informations about the first wizarding war that had killed both my parents. A few weeks later, I had sat on a stool with the Sorting Hat on the head and ended in Gryffindor. During my first years, I had made a lot of friends, I had played Quidditch… I wasn’t in the team, but my two best friends, Fred and George Weasley, had taught me everything about their favourite sport and whenever they invited me to their house, we would play during hours. Everything had changed during my sixth year, when I had met Sirius Black, who had escaped Azkaban the previous year. It was the very first breakout, and he was known as a dangerous murderer. But one day, as I was walking alone in Hogsmeade, three older men had attacked me and dragged me behind an empty shop. I didn’t know what would have happened if a huge black dog hadn’t showed up at this moment. Saying I was surprised when I saw the dog turning into Sirius Black and when I had understood he had saved me would be an understatement. However, I hadn’t been afraid. Something in his eyes, the desperation he showed me was enough for me to trust everything he had said. The following weeks, I had brought him food and blankets to make sure he would survive, even if I was obviously not the only one. I had always been careful not to be seen, but one day, two kids had followed me and seen Sirius. We had both seen them, and we knew they would denounce me. From this day, I hid with Sirius and no one never had any new of me, except Remus Lupin who was the only one to know where we were along with Dumbledore. The only thing I truly regretted was my bond with the twins, and even a bit more with George, who I liked very very much.

From this day, the nightmares haunted my nights, and I always had one solution. I eventually decided to get my ass up and left my room in the 12, Grimmauld Place. I came downstairs, hoping I would find Sirius in the living-room. A fire was burning in the chimney, which obviously wasn’t for the temperature, because since the beginning of the summer, London was a burning hell. No, I knew the cracklings of the fire were something quite reassuring for Sirius when he was woken up by his own nightmares. I found him lying on the couch. His eyes were closed but there was no snore escaping from his mouth.

“Sirius,” I whispered. “Please, groan if you’re awake.”

Indeed, he groaned loudly and opened his eyes after an ostensible yawn intended to make me understand how he wanted to sleep.

“Come on, make me some room.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and sat, letting me enough space to sit next to him.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked with a hoarse voice.

I knew he was looking at me, probably as worried as each night. And like every night, I shook my head, he sighed, passed an arm around my shoulders and recalled a funny story of his Hogwarts years. And as usual, I thought of how lucky I was to be with him, and how he and Remus were the closest things to a family I had ever had.

Remus arrived soon in the next morning to announce us we would have some visit. It was quite unexpected: in fact, since the end of June, Sirius, Remus and I had been the only ones in this scary house. When I recognized Dumbledore’s half-moon spectacles, my mouth fell wide open.

“I’m glad to see you too, miss Y/L/N.” He said with a smile. “I have to admit I would have been curious to see the results you would have obtained with your NEWTs but, what do you want, I guess it wasn’t meant for you.”

I shrugged, not really knowing what to answer. Even if I wasn’t an Hogwarts student anymore - and this thought always made my heart sting a bit - Albus Dumbledore was the kind of person who was intimidating, the kind you didn’t want to say stupid stuff in front of.

“But I’m not here to embarrass you with school problems. According to the situation we are facing, I want to inform the three of you that from now, the Order of the Phoenix rises from the ashes.”

I knew perfectly well what the Order of the Phoenix was. Dumbledore himself had told me about it a few years ago, back in the orphanage, and Sirius and Remus had also told me plenty of stories about it. But that wasn’t really a shock; after all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was back and someone had to stop him. What shocked me was what Dumbledore told us after, with his piercing eyes fixed on me as if he knew how affected I would be.

“The Order has already found new members. Before the end of the week, the Weasleys will install here and help with the meetings. Molly and Arthur want to participate, and they will bring five of their children.”

After that, I was too taken aback to listen to their discussion. I caught a glimpse of Remus’ eyes on me before I stormed out of the kitchen where we had been and joined my room. Although I desperately wanted it to be a joke, a voice in my head whispered viciously I would have to face the twins in less than a week. My best friends, my first crush, whose several letters had always been ignored because I couldn’t take the risk to answer them… In the last one I had received, they had written they thought maybe I was dead. Maybe someone had kidnapped me, and when they had looked for me, they were too late. It was painful to read that, to know how pained they had been whereas I was alive, just unable to give them any information.

And they were going to live in this house for an entire summer.

“Bloody hell!” I shouted.

The door opened and Remus’ head appeared. He had obviously understood what was going in my mind as he sat next to me and ruffled softly my hair. I had noticed it was his way to show me some affection, because he was way more timid than Sirius who never hesitated to hug me if he wanted to.

“I know it will be difficult for you, Y/N, but it will be okay.” He said.

Something in his voice was reassuring, it was a true gift he had. No wonder why he had been every Hogwarts student’s favourite professor, me included. Despite his terrible condition, this guy had the biggest heart I had even seen.

“What if they hate me?” I whispered, looking up to him with teary eyes. “I haven’t shown any sign of life, they think I’m dead. What if they hate me for lying to them?”

“Technically, you didn’t lie, you just hid a part of the truth.” It was Sirius, whose shoulder was resting against the doorframe.

“Thank you, Sirius.” I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned. Without even looking, I knew Remus had rolled his eyes.

“But Remus is right. Don’t worry, it will be okay. And if it isn’t, this house is big enough for you to avoid them.”

Sirius quickly dodged the pillow I had thrown to him and left with a laugh. Remus patted my shoulder and followed him, letting me alone with my thoughts.

I thought I was prepared. Hell, I had learned a speech to explain my situation, and to apologize. I should have known I would froze as soon as I would see them. And Merlin, it didn’t miss. The first ones to enter the house were Molly and Arthur. I recognized their voices, unable to see them because I was hidden in the kitchen. They had been like my parents, they had welcomed me in their house, and all of sudden, I felt the urge to jump in Molly’s comforting embrace. I had to remind myself I wanted to see the twins first. They immediately followed their parents and my heart skipped a beat when I heard them for the first time in months.

“I didn’t think I could visit a place dirtier than Filch’s office.”

I was pretty sure it was Fred. I couldn’t help but smile genuinely. George said something I couldn’t understand, and I heard Sirius describing them the way to the kitchen, asking them to grab something for him. Apparently, one of them wanted to use his wand - I suddenly remember they were now allowed to use magic outside school - but Sirius dissuaded them by showing the lovely portrait of his mother. A few seconds later, the door opened, and the twins stepped in the kitchen.

The only noise was the one of the door closing as Fred and George looked at me with round eyes and wide open mouth. I stood in front of them with what was probably the dumbest look ever seen on my face but unable to remember a bloody word of my speech. The first one to react was George, and before I could even process the fact that he had blinked, he was engulfing me in a bone crushing hug. Fred soon followed and I found myself in the middle of a Weasley sandwich in no time. I had imagined plenty of scenarios for this moment, but me bawling my eyes out in their arms wasn’t really what I expected. If anything, I would have thought the contrary would happen.

I would be unable to say how long we stayed like this, but no one interrupted us. I supposed Sirius and Remus had explained the situation to everyone by now, and they wanted us to sort things out.

“Why?” That was Fred’s first words for me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What the hell even happened?” continued George. “Y/N, we thought you were dead. Dead! You just disappeared, like this and... “

“And we’ve felt so fucking guilty!” exclaimed Fred. “We thought it was our fault, that we shouldn’t have let you alone and -”

“Stop.” I had murmured but they both shut up, obviously waiting for an explanation.

And I gave it to them, without omitting any detail (except my crush on George), I told them everything from the day Sirius had saved me until the previous week when I had freaked out when learning they would come. I told them about my nightmares and how badly I had wanted to send them an owl, how guilty I had felt when I had read their last letter. They listened to me without saying anything, the same look in the eyes. I was unable to read them right now, their faces were closed and they weren’t even looking at me. When I finally finished, a heavy silent took place.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I felt something like anger boiling in my veins, even though I knew I shouldn’t be the angry one.

“It’s a lot to process.” Fred said quietly.

“Y/N, I don’t think you understand…” If I didn’t know him better, I would have thought George was on the verge of crying. “We’ve hoped you were alive, somewhere… They have told us you were probably gone on your own, but we knew better than that. Then they have told us maybe you had been kidnapped, and you were probably dead. They… They wanted us to let go of you, to forget you, and we have.” I felt my heart stinging. “We have because it was too painful to think you had given up on us, and it was even worse to think you were dead. You can’t blame us for not knowing what to think. You just can’t.”

With that, he turned the heels and left, followed by Fred. None of them even looked at me, and if they had done so, they would have seen the most broken expression I had even shown. I knew it would be difficult but I had hoped they could understand they weren’t the only ones suffering in this. I had been forced to give up on my life, on the only place that had been home for me. I had lost my first real family.

I decided to avoid everyone and hid in my room for the rest of the day. When the diner approached, my stomach started to rumble but I refused to go downstairs and risk to run into Fred and George. I wanted to see Molly and Arthur along with Ron and Ginny and the mysterious fifth sibling accompanying them. However, I feared the same reaction than the twins, and I didn’t think I could handle that.

A soft knock on the door interrupted my thought. I ignored it, hoping that whoever was here would understand and leave me alone.

“Hey, groan if you’re awake.”

I chuckled despite myself and dragged my tired body to the door to let Sirius in. I immediately came back to my bed and dramatically threw myself on it.

“I guess it didn’t happen like you wanted.”

I shook my head, my face still hidden in the pillow. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“I understand it’s hard but it will be okay, Y/N. Remus and I have explained everything to Molly and Arthur. Molly told us she would talk to Fred and George but only if you bring your ass downstairs. I think she wants to know if we feed you correctly.” I laughed.

“We’re lucky she wasn’t with us in this cavern then.”

Sirius faked an horrified expression.

“Merlin, you’re right. She would have killed me and fed you with more mashed potatoes than a normal human being could ever eat.”

“Or killed you too for scaring her like that.” Remus passed his head through the door and smiled at me. “The dinner is ready, prepared by no one else than Molly. Come on Y/N, you can’t miss that.” He added when I shook my head.

I gave up and followed Remus and Sirius downstairs. They went directly in the kitchen and I timidly followed them. The conversations suddenly stopped and a loud noise echoed. Molly had dropped the dish she was holding and rushed toward me, her arms wide open. Without thinking about it, I threw mine around her neck.

“Y/N, I’m so happy to see you! Oh, dear, you have no idea how worried we’ve been!” She lowered her voice and murmured in my ear: “Don’t worry for Fred and George. They are quite surprised, but they have missed you so much…”

I smiled weakly and Molly returned to her dish. I saw Arthur conversing with Remus, but the twins were nowhere to be seen. On the other hand, Bill’s presence was a pleasant surprise. I had always gotten along with all the Weasley family, even Percy who would always want to play chess with me, even if he always lost. I also saw Ron and Ginny, the latter sending be a broad smile before hugging me. I suddenly realized how much I had missed them and I felt my heart swelling with joy. It would have been a perfect dinner if the twins had been there.

Later that night, another nightmare woke me up. I straightened in my bed, my shoulders shaking in the rhythm of my sobs. The look of hatred the Fred of my nightmare had thrown me was engraved in my memory, and the voice of his brother saying he hated me echoed in my ears. A shiver ran down my spine, and I caught myself fearing the dark around me. Suddenly unable to stay here, I rushed out of my room, not really bothering to be silent as I ran downstairs. I needed more than ever to see Sirius, to hear one of his stories or literally anything that would make me forget my nightmare. According to the crackling of the flames I heard, he was there. I found him sitting on the usual couch with a wooden box on the knees. His shaky hands were holding a letter. I stopped, fearing he wouldn’t accept my presence tonight, but Sirius looked up to me and a sad smile appeared on his face.

“Another nightmare?”

I just nodded, a huge lump in my throat preventing me from saying anything. I sat next to him and waited patiently for him to tell me what he was reading.

“It’s one of the last letters Lily Potter has sent to me. This,” he said while handing me a photo, “is the photo she has sent with the letter. It’s Harry, it was his first birthday.” He pointed at baby Harry, whose forehead was still free from any scar. “And this is James.” Sirius stifled a sad laugh while looking at his friend’s legs. It was the only part of his body we could see, and I could tell he was running behind Harry. “I wish I could have been here…” murmured Sirius.

I didn’t know what to say. Quite fortunately for me, Sirius sighed and put the letter and the photo back in the box. He delicately carried the latter to the table and came back next to me.

During the following days, I spent a lot of time with Ginny and Ron. They told me everything that had happened in my absence, carefully omitting all twins-related subjects. I also talked a lot with Molly, mostly about futile things as cooking and Charlie’s work in Romania. Arthur and Bill weren’t here often. We also received Nymphadora Tonks’ visit a few times, along with Alastor Moody’s one. However, despite the several persons surveying the corridors of this house, I felt more alone than ever.

My second proper conversation with Fred and George happened almost a week after the first one. I had done my best to avoid the cleaning of the house. When Sirius and I were alone here, the dust and the spiders weren’t a problem, but Molly wanted the place to be as livable as possible. I had pretended I was sick, which had earned me narrowed eyes from Remus, and I was now alone in my room. I was curled up on the threadbare seat in front of the window, looking at those who had the chance to be able to walk in the street. The door opened so slowly it didn’t make any noise. What warned me was the squeak of the floor and I turned vividly the head to see George closing the door.

“I heard you were sick.” His voice was quiet and it was the first time in a week he actually looked at me in the eyes. A little smile appeared on his face. “You don’t seem at death’s door, though.”

“I just didn’t feel like cleaning all day… I swear if I see one more dead rat I’m gonna explode.”

We both laugh, two shy laughters that filled my heart with something I had missed a lot: the bliss of being with one of my best friends. George walked toward me and raised an eyebrow, asking me silently if he was allowed to sit. In response, I made him some room. He sat in front of me, in the same position and his gaze drifted for awhile.

“It’s kind of funny, when you think about it.”

George looked at me, probably alarmed by my nostalgic tone. I hadn’t realized I had spoken, but when I caught his look, I continued.

“Everyone blames everyone for what happened but in the end… It’s no one’s fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“Fred and you blame me for disappearing, and probably Sirius for showing me who he was.” He didn’t deny. “You also blame yourselves because I was alone this day. I blame myself because I was the one deciding to help Sirius, and he blames himself for involving me in this. But in fact, none of us is really responsible, you know? We couldn’t know how this would turn out…”

“You’re right, we couldn’t.” It was Fred, who had obviously succeeded in avoiding his mother too. I hadn’t heard him arrive either. “And we don’t really blame you. You shouldn’t think that, Y/N.”

“Do you think one day you’ll stop hating me?”

I sounded so pathetic but it was maybe my worst fear. If they couldn’t forgive me…

“We don’t hate you, Y/N. We have never hated you.”

George had stood up and grabbed my hand. He pulled me toward him, tightening me against his chest.

“We don’t hate you…” he repeated.

At this very moment, my heart could have stopped beating and it wouldn’t have mattered. I was happier than I had ever been, knowing that my two best friends were here with me. And my laughters were more genuine than it had been in a long time when Fred exclaimed:

“You’re adorable, but I’m starving. I’m sure it’s time for a snack.”

From this point, what was going to be a living hell became the best summer I ever had. I spent my days cleaning with Fred, George, Ron, Ginny and when they arrived, Harry and Hermione and my nights talking with the twins. Sometimes, Molly caught us three still awake at unholy hours and sent me in my room, but it was quite rare. I was pretty sure most of the time, she let me with her sons on purpose. These nights, my nightmares were worse than usual.

Fred and George’s absence during the school year worsened considerably my state. By June, I was barely able to close my eyes more than three or four hours per night and I had to admit I was a pitiful sight to see.

“Y/N, have you seen the bags under your eyes?” exclaimed Remus one evening in the middle of June.

He and Sirius had called me in the living-room and were lecturing me.

“You need to tell us what’s happening.” Whereas Remus was getting angry, which was very unusual and quite worrying, Sirius’ voice was softer and his eyes were fixing me. “You worry us Y/N. You don’t sleep enough anymore and… It seems to be worse.”

“We thought maybe you need some fresh air.” Added Remus. “We have asked Molly if you can stay at the Burrow a few days. Would you like it?”

“I don’t want to disturb.” I mumbled.

“You won’t, don’t worry. Plus, she’s asked for weeks to see you.” said softly Sirius.

No sooner said than done, I was immediately sent to pack my things in my room while Remus warned Molly I would arrive the next day. And it didn’t fail: a few hours later, I was desperately trying to escape her hug. Plus, I hadn’t eaten anything since the previous evening and a delicious smell was arriving in my nostrils from the kitchen. My stomach started to rumble and I was quite surprised I wasn’t drooling yet. Molly dragged me toward the table and put in front of me a plate with an unknown meat covered in sauce. It took the best of myself for me not to swallow everything in one bite. Molly was somewhere outside, she had warned me she was going to get some vegetables in the garden. The silence here was different from the one in Grimmauld Place. Back in there, it was heavy, charged with all the awful things said and done in this house when Sirius was younger. His constant melancholy seemed to impregnate the walls. But at the Burrow, the walls weren’t blank, they were covered in pictures and drawings. Everything in the house, from the chess board that was on the chimney to the blanket always laying on the couch during the coldest days of winter, everything here sent whoever stepped in this fabulous house a pleasant feeling of being home. Maybe Remus and Sirius weren’t wrong after all, maybe things would get better for me after staying here.

The following day was the most normal one I had in years. I woke up in Bill’s old room, joined Molly in the kitchen for the breakfast - Arthur was already at work - and spent the morning helping her with different chores. The sun being high in the sky, we decided the garden could use a bit of weeding and after the lunch, Molly handed me a pair of gloves. Taking a well deserved break, two hours or so later, I sat on a bench.

“Oh, I have forgotten to tell you!” Molly stopped in her tracks and turned toward me, smiling at me. “I’ve sent an owl to Fred and George. They are very busy with their shop but they’ll come to say hello, probably tomorrow.”

I grinned excitedly, already eager to see my best friends. I couldn’t visit them, still wanted for helping Sirius, and that was bothering me a much as them. I couldn’t help but notice Molly’s smile faltering when she mentioned the shop, and according to the look she was arbouring, I knew I was in for an entire discussion about it.

“I can’t believe they left school!” Molly exploded, making me jump. I got up and approached her. “I mean I knew they thought it was a waste of time but what if their shop doesn’t work? What are they going to do?”

“Molly, they are smart. If they left, that’s because they are confident. From what I know, they already have a lot of fans, and even if it doesn’t work as expected - which I highly doubt, everything seems always fine with these two! - they’ll find something else. Don’t worry for them.”

My answer obviously wasn’t what Molly wanted to hear, but that was what I thought. I had seen a few inventions, had barely avoided testing some others, and I knew the boys were motivated.

We gardened in silence another hour and when the heat became too much to bear, we retreated in the welcome freshness of the house. I let myself fall on a chair, completely exhausted.

“I would never have thought gardening was that physical!”

Molly laughed and replied something, but a loud noise from the chimney covered the sound of her voice. We both rushed in the living-room to see Remus barely standing on his feet. His face showed more tiredness than I had ever seen on him, more desperation too. The tears flooding from his eyes created shining trails on his cheeks.

I froze, simply unable to make my brain work long enough to ask him what was happening. Unconsciously, I kept glancing at the chimney to see Sirius appear.

Little did I know what Remus had to tell me.

“Remus, Remus tell me what’s happening!”

Molly was fussing around him, checking some injuries I hadn’t even noticed. His eyes were fixed on his knees and mine on him, and the more time passed, the more the fear crept on me. Slowly, I was understanding what had happened but when Remus finally told it, his shaky voice so different from his usual calm one, it didn’t prevent my heart from almost stopping after a few painful beats.

“Sirius is dead.”

Honestly, I didn’t think three words could be that painful. No nightmare, no I hate you from anyone could hurt that much. I never thought one day, I would feel my heart slowly cracking before exploding under the weight of my loss. He’s gone. Dead. He’s not here anymore.

I felt like I was drowning, but in the same time, I became more aware of the two pairs of eyes on me. Molly’s mouth was opened in shock, her hand was stopped in the air, as if she had wanted to put it on my shoulder, and Remus was looking at me like he was trying his best not to break down. He had just lost his best friend, one of the only people who had ever understood him, and I knew how distraught he was, but the hole in my heart was filling with anger and I found myself clenching my fists to contain it. Remus choked out a few words, trying his best to explain what had happened. It took all my will to stay calm, but when I understood Sirius had left the house to fight a stupid battle, I lost it.

“Why did he leave the house?”

My voice was quiet, muffled by the lump of pain in my throat. I was trembling as a wave of rage hit me.

“He should have never left! It was Dumbledore’s order! Why did he leave? WHY DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE?”

I was screaming non senses the loudest possible. Without realizing it, I found myself in the kitchen, enveloped in Molly’s embrace. But I wasn’t done, I needed to get whatever I was feeling out, I couldn’t let it suffocate me. I was still yelling, struggling to make Molly let go of me. She finally loosened her grip, but her eyes were still worried when she saw Remus entering in the kitchen. Understanding the silent message of his pleading eyes, she left in the living-room, letting us alone.

“Y/N, please, let me -”

“Explain? Are you gonna tell me how he’s- how he’s dead, or are you gonna find an excuse on why he left this bloody house?”

Ignoring my provocation, Remus forced himself to adopt a calmer attitude and explained everything. The Ministry, the arch. A deafening silence took place as soon as he finished, a silence I couldn’t bring myself to break because I feared I would explode once more. But hell, I couldn’t clench my fists harder, blood was already straining my skin as my nails were deep on my flesh, and I was trembling more and more. Without any warning sign, I screamed and hit abruptly the table. I didn’t even see Remus flinching when I grabbed a bowl containing fruits and threw it toward him. I missed him and frantically looked for something else. My tears were blinding me and my throat sore from screaming that much, and the floor was littered with broken glasses and scattered food.

From what I was able to see through the veil of tears covering my eyes, Remus was standing in front of me, trembling with all his being and not doing anything to stop me. He was accepting all my unfair accusations, all my hurtful words spat with venom. He didn’t say anything, obviously beating himself up with his guilt. Among my screams and my tears, I didn’t even notice Molly sneaking in the kitchen, followed by Fred and George. I only realized they were here when a pair of arms gripped me tightly and dragged me outside.

The air had considerably freshened, contrasting with the emotions boiling inside me. I found myself being hugged once more, and the feeling of two bodies pressed against mine finally got me out of the abyss. I just stayed here, my face hidden in George’s neck, sobbing and repeating I didn’t want him gone.

“My parents and now… Am I not enough? Why does no one stay?”

Fred’s arms tightened around my waist and George tensed, and I sobbed with renewed vigour. I couldn’t tell how much time passed while I was wrapped in this comforting embrace, but when I finally lifted my head, I noticed Fred was gone. George was looking at me, an hand on my lower back and the other cupping my cheek. When another tear rolled down on my face, he gently wiped it with his thumb and pressed me against his chest. He didn’t say he was sorry, he didn’t say it would be okay, he just showed me he was with me.

The sun was on the verge of going down when I considered the thought of getting inside. George’s arm was still around me, acting like a protective blanket against the cold air of the evening and the pain threatening to drown me. The sound of steps behind us made me jump, and I turned my head to see Fred watching us with a sad smile. He sat next to me and put his hand on my back.

“The kitchen was a mess, I don’t think Peeves could have done better.” He laughed softly when I let out a watery chuckle. “Don’t worry though, Mum, R- and I have fixed it.”

“You don’t need to be careful of what you’re saying around me. I need you both to be… To be just you, or else I won’t been able to do it.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be as annoying as usual.” assured George with a smirk.

“You’ll want to get rid of us in an hour.” added Fred.

“Never.” I murmured before being engulfed in another Weasley sandwich.

What got me to bring my ass in the living-room was a loud sob echoing in the house. I knew who it was, and my unfair anger immediately vanished when I heard for the very first time Remus crying. I rushed in the room and jumped on him, throwing my arms around his neck and tightening him like my life depended on it. Remus was doing the same thing, and this hug was painful, both physically and mentally. We didn’t say anything, but we both knew what it meant.

Now, it was just the both of us.

I didn’t sleep this night, nor did I even close my eyes the following one. I had to hear everyone arguing around me about what they would do with me. Molly wanted me to stay at the Burrow, Remus refused and said he would take care of me while Fred and George thought I should live with them, their main point being that I had to see their shop.

“She could help us!” had proposed George.

Only at this moment did I realize I was now free to go wherever I wanted. And it seemed like the others had understood it as well because Molly came up with the idea of sending me back to Hogwarts.

“No. I stay with Remus.”

I didn’t really recognize my voice. It was hoarse, my throat being sore from the hours I had spent crying the last two days. I felt plenty of worried eyes on me and suddenly felt oppressed. I turned the heels and escaped the overcrowded kitchen of the Burrow, preferring the silence in the garden.

I immediately recognized the hand on my shoulder, and didn’t hesitate before resting my head on his shoulder.

“I promise I’ll come to your shop soon.” I murmured. “I just don’t feel like it right now.”

“I know, love.” answered George. “Don’t worry.”

My heart fluttered when I heard the nickname he had always given me, remembering me the pain wasn’t the only thing I was allowed to feel. I caught myself hoping he would kiss me for the first time in months before mentally scolding my stupid feelings. Sirius was dead and I thought of kissing George? What was wrong with me?

I had decided to stick with Remus without thinking about what it implied. I had to go back to Grimmauld Place. Remus had been reluctant to tell me, fearing I would freak out or throw him another bowl in the face, but also because he knew how painful it would be for the both of us. “I don’t want you to suffer more than you already are.” he had told me. I knew he wanted badly to find another solution, but Dumbledore had ordered him to stay there until he figured out what to do with the house.

So here I was, unable to push this stupid door and enter this stupid house. Remus was patiently waiting behind me, but I suspected him to have a hard time too. Finally, the hand I had put on the handle five minutes ago pushed the door and I took a few steps in the dark hall. I thought I would break down and scream, the pain and the anger taking over me, but I certainly didn’t expect the numbness I was currently feeling. It was like I wasn’t controlling my own body as I climbed the stairs to reach my room, not really paying attention to what Remus had told me or to Kreacher looking down on me.

The main reason I hadn’t slept since Sirius’ death was the fear. I knew what would come as soon as my eyes would close: the nightmares would be more terrifying than ever.

“You can’t stay awake forever, Y/N.” had said George when I had confessed him my fear.

And I knew he was right, of course he was, but that didn’t prevent me from freaking out each time my eyelids closed against my will. However, in the middle of this night, as I was lulled by the crickets chirpings, I fell asleep.

The cavern was empty. I was curled up in a corner, hidden in the shadows as people kept walking in front of the entrance without coming in. I couldn’t understand their whispers, but I was pretty sure they were talking about me. Some were hissing my name with venom while metallic noises echoed against the stone. Weapons. My breath was shaky, and my arms, which were wrapped around my knees, kept trembling. Suddenly, something happened outside.

The people at the entrance seemed to panic as someone shouted among them. Rushed steps noises blurred the voices for a moment, and soon the shadow of a man appeared on the floor. His voice hadn’t this reassuring tone it used to have.

“Y/N, where are you? Come say hello… Y/N, I know you miss me. Why don’t you show yourself?”

Sirius’ voice was creepy. He seemed totally insane, yet I was so desperate to see him that I looked up. I was still hidden in the shadows and he couldn’t see me, but I could see perfectly well his knotted hair surrounding his gaunt face. He had a faint smile, but the most terrifying about him was the gleam of insanity in his eyes. I let out a gasp and Sirius pointed directly his wand on me.

“Here you are, Y/N. Come say hello, come say hello to me…”

Without realizing it, I had jumped out of bed as soon as I had opened my eyes and slammed the door open. My bare feets made no noise on the dusty floor as I rushed in the living-room.

“Sirius where are you?”

Only after my desperate call did I realize I was alone here. No cracklings from the fire, no bottle of wine on the table, no story to tell, no one to comfort me. Sirius was gone. Despite these last two days of mourning, it was the first time I completely understood what death meant, and the pain brought by this realization was too painful. I was barely aware of the screams escaping my mouth, of the tears covering my cheeks, of the blood on my knuckles as I hit the wall. I didn’t hear Remus arriving, didn’t feel his arms around me or processed the words he was saying to me. The only thing I knew was that Sirius was really gone, and he would never come back.

I opened my eyes in a room I had never seen before. I gasped loudly and practically jumped off the bed. It took me a few seconds to recognize Remus, uncomfortably sleeping on a chair on a corner of the room. His face should have been relaxed, yet I still could see little wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead. While looking at him, I also remembered the previous night. The nightmare, the living-room, Sirius. Just thinking of him was incredibly painful and I let out a sob. Remus immediately woke up and was next to me in a split second. He engulfed me in a hug, pressing my shaking body against his chest.

“You were screaming.” he murmured. “And crying. Just before passing out in exhaustion, you said you didn’t want to see this place… I thought I could bring you here. We’re at my house.”

“Thank you.” My voice was so muffled by his neck, where I had hidden my face, that I wasn’t even sure he could hear me. “But Dumbledore -”

“It doesn’t matter.” Remus interrupted me with a very soft voice. “You matter.”

“How did he die?”

My question seemed to shock him as I felt him tensing. He slowly pushed me away to look at me in the eyes, probably expecting to see tears. And he was totally right: my sight was blurry and my cheeks wet, but I needed to know how it had happened, or else I knew I wouldn’t find peace. Remus understood that and told me everything, from Harry’s connexion with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to the fight in front of the ark. When he finished, the silence seemed to last for hours before I eventually found something to say.

“He was laughing… He was in the middle of a fight with Death Eaters and he was laughing…”

“Yeah, we know how he is…” answered Remus with a nostalgic tone.

None of us bothered to correct what he had said. Maybe because deep down, we knew Sirius would always be there.

I was so drown in my own grief that I hadn’t really realized I wouldn’t be the only one suffering. There was Remus, of course, even though he was always hiding his feelings in front of me so that I could focus on mine, but there was also Harry.

Remus had told me a few members of the Order would accompany the Weasleys to welcome Harry and Ron back at King’s Cross. He had insisted that I should go with them, that it would be nice to get out of the house, which I hadn’t done once. When the day of their return arrived, Remus and I met Tonks, Mad-Eye, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George. The twins both hugged me but they didn’t say anything about Sirius, which I appreciated. I didn’t want to talk about it, about my pain and my sadness, but when I saw Harry appearing after walking through the barrier and the look he sent me, I realized I had to tell him something. Anything. Sirius had been his godfather, after all.

Once Harry and Ron were done with the traditional welcoming, our group moved toward the Dursley family and I took this opportunity to grab Harry’s arm. He immediately stopped, letting everyone take a short advance before turning toward me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered before scolding myself.

He had probably heard that a thousand timed and that was certainly not what he needed to hear now. However, much to my surprise, he nodded and put an hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry too… It’s my fault.” My heart ached when I heard the desperation in his voice.

“No.” He looked at me, obviously surprised to hear my harsh tone. “It’s not your fault Harry, it has never been.”

He choose to ignore what I had just said.

“You’re the only one who understands me.” He murmured. “They are all saying they are sorry, that he was someone good, but no one didn’t really know him, you know? We’re the only ones and I… I appreciate what you did, Y/N.”

He left without explaining what he meant and joined the Dursleys. After one last hug, Fred and George left too, saying they were busy and their family and Mad-Eye followed them. Tonks decided to stay with us a bit longer, and Remus invited her for the tea. I caught them exchanging a knowing glance, but I knew I would find out about what it was. Indeed, half an hour later all three of us were sitting in the living-room, drinking our tea in a comfortable silence. Remus suddenly stood up and patted my shoulder, announcing he had something to do, and left me alone with Tonks. She immediately moved next to me.

“I won’t say I’m sorry because I feel like that’s not what you want to hear.” She said. I nodded gratefully. “But I wanted to give you that.”

She handed me a photography she had taken a few months ago, when she had insisted she wanted to have photos of all the Order members. On this one, I was sitting between Remus and Sirius, the latter holding high a glass of wine and ruffling my hair. Remus looked like he was trying to disappear, but his smile was genuine as he was glancing on us. My arms were wrapped around their shoulders, and my grin was so large that anyone could feel their cheeks hurt just by looking at it.

Seeing it reminded me of how happy I had been with them, and it made the unfairness of Sirius’ death more painful, if it was possible. But a little voice in my head whispered something I had heard a few years ago, back in the muggle orphanage. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. And that’s what I did: I forced my lips in a smile, first weak then genuine, and I felt a weight getting off my shoulders.

“Thank you Tonks. Thank you.”

From this day, tears stopped being a daily thing. Slowly but surely, I learned how to keep my pain under control and, most importantly, I learned to open myself. Remus had always known when I was feeling down but, during the following months, it happened more and more often when he would ask me if I was okay and I would answer no instead of lying. The only thing I hadn’t really told him was this part of shadow hidden in me, the one still causing nightmares every night and remembering me Sirius was gone. I had made progresses on ignoring it, but sometimes, it was too strong for me and I broke down. That’s what happened on Christmas, six months after Sirius’ death.

All this time, I had stayed with Remus, visiting occasionally Molly at the Burrow. I had only seen the twins once, their shop occupying them to the point that they didn’t have a free day. That’s why Molly had thought she could reunite us at Christmas, and she had invited Remus and I.

It wasn’t the first time I stayed there for Christmas, and I had always loved the festive atmosphere that reigned in the house. This year wasn’t an exception, and laughters and good food filled our night. I was now sitting between Fred and George, telling Ginny funny stories about Hogwarts. I had taken off my jacket an hour ago and it was on the table in front of me, the corner of the photo Tonks had given me sticking out of the pocket. I always had it with me, it was the most precious thing I had.

We were all so caught in the peaceful ambience that none of us heard the first alarming noise. Molly was the only one to hear the second as she suddenly froze in the middle of the living-room, her eyes fixed on the outside. Our conversations stopped and we all looked at Molly.

“Mum, what’s happening?” asked Ron while he approached the window.

“Nothing.” She mumbled. “I thought I heard -”

All of sudden, Ron jumped backward to move away from the window, his skin strangely pale. Only a second later, we understood why.

I had never heard a laughter as psychotic as this one. It was high pitched, and the insanity it revealed was simply terrifying. We were all shocked, as hypnotised by the woman outside. We only reacted when two more people apparated in the garden. Without saying anything, I saw Arthur and Remus jumping on their feet and rushing outside, followed by everyone else, me included. The freezing air hit me and the tears suddenly brought in my eyes prevented me from seeing the three Death Eaters. I quickly blinked them away only to see Harry rushing behind Bellatrix Lestrange - she had killed Sirius. The shadow in me, the one I was always trying to hide, took over me and I jumped after Harry. However, someone behind me had anticipated my actions as they firmly wrapped their arms around my waist. I screamed, trying to get rid of George and hitting his face in the process, and my anger increased when Remus followed Harry.

“Let me go! GEORGE LET ME GO!”

But he didn’t. Instead, he pulled me against him and murmured in my ear Remus and Harry would be okay.

“No you don’t understand, I need to -”

Suddenly, a wave of almost unbearable heat hit us all. The Burrow was burning. A sob died in Molly’s throat as she witnessed her home disappearing in front of her. My heart stung when I thought of all the memories everyone had here, Molly’s kitchen, Fred and George’s prototypes. I felt like another person was in my body when I thought that my jacket was still in there -

My jacket. With the photo inside. Maybe I was totally crazy, maybe the shadow I feared was real, in fact I didn’t know why I did this, but I suddenly escaped George’s embrace and ran in the burning house. I immediately felt the pain in my lungs as my mouth and my throat were dried with the heat. The smoke made my eyes sting with hot tears. A part of the kitchen ceiling was slowly consuming itself. I desperately reached for my jacket and as soon as it was clenched in my hands, I threw myself on the floor, hoping I could breath. The air was more breathable down there, and my sight stopped being blurred because of the tears.

I could vaguely hear people calling for me, but the cracklings of the fire were way too loud for me to hear correctly or simply answer, as I didn’t trust my voice on this very moment. Instead, I closed my eyes, I curled up in a tight ball, and listened the sounds around me, remembering the nights spent with Sirius near the chimney. I fell asleep.

After this day, Remus became more reluctant than ever when it came to letting me alone, even for five minutes. At first, he had been quite angry, every occasion being perfect for remembering me how reckless I had been and how he had thought he could trust me. I was too proud to tell him why I had done this, and to tell George and Fred too, but one day, Remus had thrown in my face Sirius would have been disappointed and I had lost it.

I had literally exploded, my loud voice echoing in all the house as I tried to tell him how important this simple photo was. At some point, my angry monologue had given way to a sob festival, the only coherent sentence I had been able to form being “I know you’re disappointed too but I love you both too much… I couldn’t let it disappear.” or something like that. From this day, Remus had stopped being angry and became more protective than he had ever been.

The twins had needed less time to forgive me, even though they just couldn’t understand why a photo seemed more important than my own life. They had been so afraid that the first thing George had told me when I had woken up at St-Mungo’s was that the next time I tried to disappear, he would tie me to a chair and keep me there for the rest of my life. Fred had added that I would never be alone anymore, them keeping an eye on me even when I would shower. Unfortunately for me, a nurse had arrived at this moment and I couldn’t hide my burning cheeks, no pun intended.

I had to admit this constant protectiveness was annoying, but it reached its peak a few months later when Remus received a letter from Dumbledore, asking him to come to Hogwarts as soon as possible, for he had to leave and wanted the school to be protected. Remus hurriedly grabbed his wand and turned toward me. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me right behind him, my wand firmly held in my hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked me suspiciously.

“Coming with you. What do you think I’m doing?” I replied. I wouldn’t miss this perfect occasion to go back to Hogwarts.

“You’re staying here. It’s too dangerous.” Remus had used his autoritary father’s voice.

“No way. Where are the I’m not letting you alone and You stay right next to me? I come with you.”

Remus was obviously torn between the urgency of the situation and the fact he wanted to convince me to stay here. But he knew how stubborn I could be and he sighed.

“You better stay safe, Y/N.”

The true happiness I had felt when I had seen the castle had disappeared for a long time as I was running near the Astronomy tower on Bill’s tail. Dumbledore wasn’t here, gone Merlin knew where, leaving three members of the Order, a few professors and a bunch of kids, me included, to protect the school against the Death Eaters. In the fire of the battle, I had been separated from Remus but Bill had made sure I was always next to him.

We had just passed the tower and were ready to turn on the next corridor when we both stopped. A Death Eater was waiting right in front of us, an evil grin revealing sharp fangs. Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf.

“Be careful Y/N, he’s dangerous!” shouted Bill.

An instant later, Greyback was literally jumping on us. Bill quickly dodged him while I threw myself on the floor. I immediately stood up only to see him savagely hitting Bill. The impact made the latter dropping his wand, and as I felt the danger arriving and lifted my wand, Greyback attacked. I was too late. Bill’s face was covered in a sea of blood and he fell unconscious. I screamed his name, barely aware that it wouldn’t help. Ensued a few attacks I barely countered, only managing to cast protective spells around Bill and I. He still didn’t move, and I was sure he was dead. This thought was what distracted me for a second, just a second, but it was a second too much. George’s face when he would see his brother dead because of me was the last thing I imagined before feeling my skin being torn apart.

I woke up in a room I had never seen before. This impression of being lost was familiar, and I turned my head, expecting to see Remus asleep on a chair next to the bed, probably waiting for me to wake up before scolding me, but he was nowhere to be seen. I put my head back on the pillow before it hit me. He’s dead. They are dead. Even with my eyelids closed, I still could see Bill lying lifeless on the floor, a pool of blood slowly growing around him. And Remus… If he wasn’t there, it had to mean that…

Suddenly, I heard a laughter coming from where I thought was downstairs. The confusion soon became relief as I thought If people are laughing, then everyone is okay. Remus is still alive, along with Bill, and I can see everyone. It’s okay. A true happiness invaded me as I quickly stood up. I wiggled my toes against the soft carpet when the feeling that something was not right hit me. I wasn’t in any kind of pain, yet I perfectly remembered feeling Greyback’s claws in my flesh, I remembered the sensation that my body was being torn apart. I hesitantly lifted my shirt - had I really put on this one the previous morning? - and saw my skin as good as new. No injury, nothing. The feeling of discomfort became more persistent and I heard new laughters. I decided to head downstairs.

The room I was in was at the end of a corridor. The walls were naked, painted in a soft beige tone. The same white carpet gave it a cosy aspect. I made my way toward the wooden stairs, passing in front of a plant and a teddy bear thrown on the floor. Once downstairs, I caught a glimpse of the sun high in the blue sky behind a big window. Other toys were strewing the floor. I followed the sound of a man’s voice I didn’t recognized and entered in a little living-room.

It’s impossible.

I was seeing him from the side and he was younger, but it was him. I had seen enough photos to recognize his curly hair and mischievous smile. Sirius was in front of me.

He turned his head, maybe because he had felt my presence, and his smile froze. His face dropped and he slowly got up, still looking at me.

“Y/N…”

His voice was still the same, hoarse and reassuring. Hearing it convinced me it was real enough for me and I ran straight in his arms. I hid my face in his neck and tightened him as much as I could, afraid to let him go and lose him once more.

“Sirius… Sirius you’re here…”

I was unable to say something else but it didn’t really matter. Maybe it was a dream, I mean it was obviously a dream, it was impossible, but it felt so good to see him. After a while, Sirius gently pushed me and looked at me.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

I had never seen such a sadness in his eyes, except maybe that night when he had read Lily’s letter.

“Glad to see you too.” I mumbled.

His hand reached my hair and he ruffled it, remembering me of Remus’ habit. He smiled, but it was a bitter smile, and I had the impression he wanted me to understand something because he couldn’t tell me.

“Of course I’m glad to see you Y/N. I’ve missed you so much… So much.” He repeated while grabbing my hands. “But you shouldn’t be here. You can’t be here. It would mean that you’re -”

“Dead.” I interrupted him with a blank voice.

I was dead. Greyback had killed me. Now, Remus was alone. Well, he had Tonks, she really liked him and he really liked her, but still. Then I thought about George, about Fred, about Molly and I felt like crying. However, nothing came. No tears, nothing.

“Crying here is impossible.” murmured Sirius. “We’ve suffered enough in our lives, don’t you think?”

“But it hurts…” I whispered.

“I know.”

And he engulfed me in another hug. I breathed his scent, trying my best not to succumb to the panic I felt invading me. Sirius’ hand was gently stroking my back and we stayed like this for a while before the presence of two other persons hit me. I lifted my head just enough for me to see above Sirius’ shoulder.

“You… You look like Harry.”

The man smiled. He was young, maybe four or five years older than me, but I understood why everyone said to Harry he looked like his father. James Potter seemed to be the man I had always imagined, the cool guy of the school, the Quidditch star, always up for some pranks in the school.

“I know,” he replied. “Harry’s lucky, he took the good genes if you want my opinion.”

Lily Potter hit playfully his shoulder as Sirius chuckled. She was a beautiful woman, her fiery hair bringing out her eyes. She was as pretty as everyone said.

“Sirius has talked about you a lot.” she said. “Said you’ve helped him whereas everyone thought he was a criminal. You’re brave, Y/N.”

I didn’t know what to say and choose to smile. The situation was just so surreal… I was talking with Lily and James Potter, next to Sirius who was dead a year ago, and I was dead too.

“I think you’d like to sit.” offered kindly James.

I nodded and sat next to Sirius on the comfortable couch, removing a fluffy pillow to make myself some room.

“Where are we?”

My eyes were wandering around the living-room. It was almost as comfy as the Burrow’s. Thinking about this house I would never see again was particularly painful and I pushed the thought aside when Lily spoke up.

“You’re in our house. I guess you’re here because of Sirius.” Seeing my interrogative look, she continued. “When we died, James and I woke up here, probably because it was the happiest days of our lives…” Her voice was nostalgic, but she smiled.

“I came here because the best period of my life was when James and Lily were still here.” said Sirius. “And you came here because I did.”

A silence took place as the three old friends were looking at me. Maybe they were expecting anger, or panic, or amazement, but all I could think about was how unfair all of this was. I didn’t want to die, Sirius, James and Lily shouldn’t have died, I shouldn’t be with them whereas Harry was so desperate to have his family around him.

“Your son is a hero.”

I saw James flexing his muscles and Lily flipping her hair above her shoulder, both exaggerating in their reactions, but I could tell they were really proud.

“Yeah, and involved in Dumbledore’s personal stuff, this kid is really awesome.” said James.

“How do you know this?” I asked curiously.

All of sudden, the atmosphere was no longer relaxed but tense as ever. James’ face dropped, Lily glared at him and Sirius was fixing his knees.

“No way…” he mumbled. “You can’t… No. No way.”

“No way what?” I eyed him suspiciously. “What are you hiding from me?”

“You’re still stubborn as hell, aren’t you?” Sirius was annoyed but, from the look in his eyes, I knew I had won. “Listen, I’ll tell you but there’s no way you’ll do it. Got it?” I nodded. Sirius sent a harsh look to James before sighing. “You can go back and see your loved ones but -”

“I want to go.” I had jumped on my feet and grabbed Sirius’ hand to force him standing up. “Bring me to Hogwarts. I want to see Remus and George and -”

“I said no. You won’t go see them, not right now anyway.” Sirius’ voice was firm but he looked sad.

“Why?” My voice was high-pitched as I was getting angry. “I want to see Remus! I need to tell him -”

“That’s the point! You can’t talk to them. In fact, they won’t even see you and trust me, it’s more painful than not seeing them at all.”

“You came…” I murmured. “You came to see Remus and I…”

“As soon as I woke up here. I was here when Remus told you. Molly’s kitchen hadn’t done anything to you, you know.” He added with a sad chuckle.

I stayed silent. I wanted to see Remus, to see the twins, to see Molly and Arthur but… Would I be able to just see them? To witness their pain as they wouldn’t know I’m next to them? How would it feel if I saw Remus losing it, like when he had told me Sirius was gone?

“I want to go.” I said.

Sirius sighed and extended an hand.

“Then follow me.”

Just a split second later I found myself in front of the infirmary door. It was open and, from what I could see, only one bed was occupied. I rushed toward it only to see the damages on Bill’s face. He was totally unrecognizable, as if he was wearing grotesque Halloween mask like the muggles like. The blood had been cleaned, and each wound was perfectly visible. Madam Pomfrey was busy next to the bed, manipulating deftly three vials. She was mumbling to herself while pouring the potions in a big recipe, sometimes waving her wand and pronouncing a complex formula.

“He’s okay.” said Sirius.

I jumped, having completely forgotten his presence. I was more than relieved to know that Bill was alive, that he would be okay, even if a small voice in my head whispered it wouldn’t be completely true. He had been hurt by a werewolf, and he was the one who survived the battle. He would probably feel awfully guilty, and maybe even feel like a monster if he became a werewolf.

Hurried steps echoed in the infirmary and I turned my eyes from Bill the very same moment Remus entered the room. Madam Pomfrey’s reaction was immediate. She almost dropped her vials, mumbling she never thought she would have to do this one day, and made her way to Remus. The latter was looking frantically in the room, and I knew he was looking for me.

“Remus, I’m sorry.” said the nurse.

If Sirius hadn’t grabbed my shoulder, I would have run to Remus. His face had dropped and his eyes were fixing blankly the hidden bed Madam Pomfrey had spotted. I looked powerlessly as Remus took hesitant steps, fearing whatever he would see. None of us was aware that the infirmary was slowly filling with friends of mine and members of the Order. As soon as Remus passed in front of us, Sirius followed him behind the curtain hiding the bed where my body was lying. However, I felt strangely disconnected, like unable to process the situation. I wanted nothing more than to hug Remus, tell him I would be okay because I wasn’t alone, I wanted to describe him James and Lily’s house and I wanted him to know we would wait for him all together…

My name had never sounded like a cry of agony before, and it was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever heard. Slowly, the shocked gasps escaping Remus’ mouth became screams more and more loud and painful. I took the last steps separating me from him.

The first thing I saw was Remus’ back. He was leaned over my body - it was so strange to think this - gently stroking my cheek. Only my face was visible, the rest of my body being hidden by a thick blanket. My skin was white.

“I’m sorry… Y/N I’m so sorry…” Remus voice came shaky. His hand was cupping my cheek and he lightly kissed my forehead. “It’s all my fault… I’ve lost you because I was an idiot… First Sirius then you… I love you Y/N… I love you like you were my own daughter… I’m sorry…”

He started crying and grabbed my shoulders to pull me against him. The blanket slipped in the process, showing my wounds. If Remus hadn’t seen it, Sirius had certainly and he was looking at my stomach. The bleeding had stopped for a while, but my shirt was still soaked in blood. The wound was extended from just above my brim to my ribs. The five traces of the claws were so deep that on a dozen of centimeters, the flesh was visible. No wonder why I died on the spot, I thought bitterly.

I would have done anything in my power to be able to remove the blanket so that Remus wouldn’t see the wound, but I was obviously not powerful enough. When he put my body back in its initial position with an infinite delicacy, the blanket was still on my legs, and he saw everything.

The most heart-wrenching cry I had ever heard echoed in the silent infirmary, and knowing I was the cause of his pain, he who was one of the two men I would always love like my fathers, millions of tears would have rolled on my cheeks if I could have cried.

After what felt like hours, Sirius and I were still next to my body. None of us could stop looking at it, at this awful wound and at my blood. Someone had dragged Remus away, probably back at Bill’s bed to know if he would become a werewolf, but from what I could hear his voice was distant. I knew him, and I knew how he would deal with this: by making as if nothing had ever happened, as if he wasn’t suffering, and by throwing himself in the battle to come. Suddenly, I heard the noise of several persons arriving in the infirmary and my heart almost hurt when I recognized Molly’s terrified scream. I would have definitely broken down when I heard George asking where I was. An heavy silence took place during which someone probably showed the bed still hidden by the curtain and a few seconds later, George discovered my body, soon followed by Fred. I had always thought they were tough guys, and I would have thought losing me after all that had happened wouldn’t be as hard as the first time, but when I saw George falling on his knees, I understood I was wrong. Fred froze behind him, and their eyes were both fixed on my face. I was going to make my way toward them when I felt Sirius grabbing my wrist.

“I think it’s time to go.” he murmured.

I nodded weakly and threw one last glance to George. He had gotten up and was next to me, my hand firmly tightened in his own. For a second, I wished I could feel his warm touch, I wished I could hug him and Fred, but the hand I felt enveloping mine wasn’t George’s and in a blink of the eyes I was back at the Potter’s.

James and Lily weren’t in the living-room anymore. The laughters I had heard here were long gone, the atmosphere being now tense as I fixed a glass on the table.

“I shouldn’t have let you see this.” said Sirius. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to. I needed to see them… Even if it was more painful than I thought.”

Sirius nodded, probably having felt the same thing when he had died.

“You’re back?”

James had passed his head through the opening of a door and his face immediately softened.

“I’ll ask Lily to make some tea.”

The couple came back five minutes later, Lily holding a tray with four cups and some biscuits on it. I was shocked to realize I was no longer sad, even though Remus and the twins’ faces were still engraved in my mind. I remembered what Sirius had told me earlier: Crying here is impossible. We’ve suffered enough in our lives, don’t you think? As selfish as it sounded, I agreed with this. I wanted to live a peaceful life (if we could call whatever I was experiencing a life) and to feel only happiness. Lily interrupted my thought when she handed me a cup of tea and the plate with the biscuits. I took one of them, ate it and exclaimed:

“That’s delicious!”

She laughed at my surprised tone.

“Why do you seem so surprised?”

“I didn’t think the afterlife was like living in a pretty house and drinking tea with who we want.” I said.

“You know,” said Sirius, “even if sometimes it can get boring, being here is pretty cool. The only thing you miss is your family but one day, they’ll be with you.”

“Let’s hope it won’t be before many years…” I sighed.

Slowly but surely, I understood what Sirius meant when he said it could get boring. Our days were always the same, drinking tea, watching the TV, sometimes walking outside, but there were no such things as places to work or school. Idleness was probably the goal of whoever had created this place. Some days, I was so bored that I wanted nothing more than to clean the house and storing Harry’s old toys. However, I had never done so as Sirius had told me Harry’s absence was more easy to bear for James and Lily this way.

If it wasn’t for my several visits to the ones I loved, namely mainly Remus, George and Fred, I would totally lose the sense of time, and very probably my mind too. In a way, it was always as painful as it had been the first time. That was how I found out about what George had kept secret from me all these years.

It was a few weeks after Bill’s wedding - which I had been to, of course. At the time, George had seemed a bit off to me and I was worried. I wanted to stay more with him, helplessly hoping that he would eventually see me, but Sirius didn’t agree. He was afraid I would become totally crazy. That’s why I had came to the apartment he shared with his brother as soon as Sirius had allowed me and after paying a visit to Remus. I arrived while Fred was comforting George, obviously really upset.

“Listen mate, you need to tell me whatever you won’t let me know.” said Fred. “I’m worried for you Georgie, and Mum is too. Pretty much everyone is, in fact. Come on, what’s wrong?”

“You know perfectly what’s wrong.” mumbled George.

Fred stayed silent and looked at his brother. He had probably never seen him as sad and it was really worrying. I took a few steps, wanting to be sure I could hear what would come.

“You loved her.” whispered Fred.

George lifted his head, his watery eyes fixed on the ceiling. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he didn’t bother to wipe it away. He didn’t bother to answer either, Fred already knew he was right. And I was there, looking at George who had just admitted he loved me, unable to think correctly.

How many hours had I spent alone with him while Fred was gone for pranking someone with Lee? How many times one of us had fallen asleep with their head resting on the other’s lap? How many nights had I dreamt of what I had just heard? But it was too late. We weren’t brave enough to face our feelings, and now I was dead. George couldn’t see me and I couldn’t talk to him. We would be apart for dozens of years and there was nothing we could do about it. It was too late.

After that, several months defiled without me going back in the world of the livings. I didn’t really know if it was because of what I had heard about George or because of this weight in my stomach every time I had to look away from him, Fred, Remus or Molly. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to face this. But I knew for a fact that Sirius went regularly down there to see Harry and Remus, and I still remembered the day he came back with the largest smile I had ever seen on his face.

“The last time you made this face was when we told you Lily was pregnant.” had said James with a small grin. I had admired his bond with Sirius since day one, and at the moment I could tell he was happy to see his friend like this.

“That’s the point, my dear Prongs.”

Lily had furrowed her eyebrows.

“Well, spill the beans Sirius.”

“Moony is gonna have a baby!” he had exclaimed.

Sirius hadn’t even let us time to react before he had begun explaining everything he had heard. I was genuinely happy for Remus, knowing that he would never be alone. However, I didn’t feel like going back to the living world. In fact, the only thing that changed my mind was when Sirius arrived one day way sooner than usual announcing us the new.

“The baby is arriving!”

In no time, Sirius, James, Lily and I were outside the room where Tonks was giving birth. It appeared that we had arrived when Teddy Lupin was almost here because roughly five minutes later, a baby cry echoed in the house. We followed the sound and found ourselves in front of the most emotional sight we could witness. Tonks was lying in her bed, obviously exhausted but amazed. Teddy was in Remus’ arms, and the father was looking at his son with an almost childish fascination.

“He’s so tiny…” he whispered.

Teddy was wrapped in a blanket as blue as his hair, and only his chubby little face was visible. Remus was holding him carefully yet tenderly against him. His eyes were filled with joyful tears and he was arbouring the most genuine smile I had ever seen on him.

“I’m so proud of him.”

I turned to see James grinning and looking at his friend. His arm was wrapped around Lily’s waist and his other hand was on Sirius’ shoulder.

“He’s gonna be okay.” added the latter. “Maybe we should let them some privacy.”

James and Lily nodded and disappeared a split second later.

“Go, I follow you.” I said.

As Sirius disappeared too, I made my way to Remus and put my hand on his shoulder. I saw him slightly tensing and I could have sworn he had felt my touch.

“You’ll be an incredible father to him, Remus.” I murmured. “You’ve always been.”

All these months, we had been aware of the war preparing against Voldemort and not being able to help was really frustrating. We had decided, all four of us, that we wouldn’t try to have informations about it as we couldn’t do anything to help our friends. We didn’t know that the fight was more imminent than ever. We didn’t know that soon we wouldn’t be four anymore.

It was the very beginning of May. As every friday, we had organized a movie night and James had been a true child, insisting he absolutely wanted to watch a movie with cars in it. After a quite ridiculous argument about it, I finally gave up my idea of horror movie. Lily came back a few minutes later with popcorn and we installed on the couch. We were a bit tight but I found a very comfortable position snuggled against Sirius with my head resting on his shoulder.

The TV was playing an awfully sexist scene where a half-naked girl was washing the car of the main character - what kind of movie is it? I wondered while eyeing James - when a noise echoed from upstairs. Immediately, James and Sirius jumped on their feets and Lily grabbed my hand. I knew we all had thought the same thing - the war made another victim. According to what I could hear, two persons were upstairs. However, I didn’t perceived any hesitations in their steps and I was slowly coming to the conclusion that at least one of them knew the house when they appeared in the door frame.

“Remus!”

My mouth had been more rapid than my brain and in no time I had jumped in his arms. I felt him hugging me tightly, and his chest began to rise with a more steady pace.

“Y/N… Y/N I thought I’d never see you again…”

Then he slowly pulled me to look at me and I met his eyes.

“I missed you so much Remus…”

I saw the exact moment Remus realized we weren’t alone and who was here. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He had compulsively tightened his grip around my arms and he was now looking frantically alternately Lily, James and Sirius. He seemed to be unable to say something or even to move, and I gently pushed him toward his friends. It seemed to be all he needed and he rushed toward them, engulfing all three of them in a desperately needed hug.

“I’m sorry for Teddy…”

I had turned toward Tonks who was looking at her husband with a bright smile.

“I am too,” she answered. “But I know he’s in good hands and, as much as I would have wanted to live with him, I’m glad we’ve helped offering him a better world to live in.” I nodded, showing her I understood. “Wait a minute!” she exclaimed. “You know about Teddy?”

Remus froze.

“How is it possible? How do you know about him?”

In a few words, Sirius explained how we could travel from this world to the livings’ one. He warned them too, telling them it was really hard to see your loved ones without them knowing it. However, just looking at Sirius indicated me he knew Remus wouldn’t care and would go back to his son as soon as possible. And he was right: five minutes later, Remus and Tonks had disappeared.

After their departure, a short silence took place before being broken by James saying he wondered how Tonks had reacted when she had learnt about Remus’ furry little problem. Sirius answered her hair had standed on end and the two friends began an hilarious competition based on the jokes about hairs. I was laughing so hard that I didn’t hear the noises from upstairs, and only Lily’s interrogative face warned me.

“Who are you?” she asked gently.

I turned around and my wide opened mouth matched Fred’s one. I instinctively began to look for George because Fred without George was just impossible but… He was alone. I was so shocked that I just couldn’t react and this time, it was Fred who didn’t give a second thought and wrapped me in a strong embrace. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t either. I felt his reluctance to let go of me and I pulled him just enough to see his face.

“He’ll be alone…” he murmured.

I didn’t say anything. No word could have eased his pain, nothing I could say would make it all better or fairer. Instead, I decided to offer him the best goodbye I could give him, and grabbed his hand. A split second later, he was kneeled next to George, who was crying on his twin’s body, Fred’s hand suspended in the air, as if he was afraid to disturb his family. When he decided he couldn’t bear it anymore, he finally found the courage to put his hand on George’s shoulder.

“Don’t cry,” he murmured, “and carry on. You have to carry on for me, Georgie.”

He got up, murmured I love you Mum in Molly’s ear, passed his hand in Ginny’s hair like he used to when they were younger and joined me.

“Ready to support me? Can’t wait to discover the kind of pranks the afterlife offers!”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Move James, we’ll be late!”

“Wait a minute, I’m hungry!”

“Fuck Prongs, we’ll miss him! I don’t care, we’ll go without -”

“Calm down Moony, I’m here!”

The animation in the house was at its peak. It had been the only subject of conversation Remus had had the last few months, and he couldn’t help but show how proud he was. Tonks was running everywhere, trying to gather everyone for she wanted us all to be there. Lily was nowhere to be found, and Fred, Sirius and I were patiently waiting in the living-room.

“Remus is going to explode!” I exclaimed when he crossed the room fuming against his bloody idiotic and blind friend and threatening to shove his antlers where the sun didn’t shine if he didn’t speed up.

“I’d like to see him try!” laughed Sirius.

“Sirius, it’s Teddy! This is so important!”

“Yeah I know but… He should know nothing happens like it should when Prongs is involved.”

Eventually, after a few threats who even scared me but only made James laugh, all our little blended family appeared on Platform 9 ¾.

“Where is he?”

Tonks was tip toeing in an attempt to spot her son in the crowd. She was holding tight Remus’ hand and she seemed so excited it even was a bit painful to see. Suddenly her face lit up and she literally dragged Remus through the various groups of parents and students. Just behind them, James had his hand resting on Lily’s back as they walked quite happily too and I was following Sirius and Fred who were busy walking through every single person they could.

We finally joined them and I glanced at Remus who was looking at his son with the same childish fascination he had always had.

“He’s a big boy now…” Remus’ voice was melancholic as Teddy was waving goodbye at Harry and Ginny.

The boy eventually went in the Hogwarts Express, finding quickly an empty compartment. A hissing warned us the train would go and he waved more excitedly to Harry and Ginny, completely unaware of the fact that his parents were here too, waving and thanking the skies they could stay by his side, always.

Living wasn’t easy. I lost my friends, I lost Sirius, I lost my life. I suffered, I cried, I hated and I loved more than I could have imagined.

But when, many years later, another ginger boy woke up at the Potter’s, when he found his twin running after me, when he hugged us, when he kissed me, I knew.

I knew that, despite the darkness, I had found happiness.

Tags: @summer-writes @coffee-wihtout-caffeine

#Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #angst #my writing #george weasley #george x reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x you #fred weasley #Remus Lupin #sirius black

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rufousnmacska · 5 years ago

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Submersion

Back in 2018, I wrote a short nessian scene set right before the teaser at the end of acofas - Awakening (trigger warning - self harm, depression). Recently, it showed up in my notes. Then today we got the announcement of the title and release date for the nessian book. I went searching through my drafts and found the companion Cassian pov that I’d written for the scene. It’s been sitting there for two years. 😔

So, in anticipation of A Court of Silver Flames, and for the revived nessian fandom, I’m posting it here. I recommend reading Awakening first.

***Trigger warning - self harm, depression

Cassian had nowhere to go.

The townhouse had been taken over by Mor when Rhys and Feyre moved into the River House. The House of Wind was often overflowing due to the audiences now held each week. Velaris was a bustling city with no place for him to escape prying eyes.

He longed for the mountains, the crisp air, towering evergreens, the entire landscape sure to be frosted over with the change of season. The solitude, the lack of concerned stares and quiet pity … He so desperately wanted to fly home. But he couldn’t.

She was here. And despite everything, he couldn’t leave her. Wouldn’t leave her. No matter how much he wanted to go, no matter how hard she pushed everyone away, he knew Nesta needed help. He just didn’t know how to give it.

A group of children, some high fae, some not, ran past him as he trudged onto a small bridge over the river. The giggles and gentle taunts to continue their race home made him smile. But it was short lived. The scene stood in stark relief to anything he’d see in Illyria, where outsiders were shunned, and the boys and girls rarely played together.

Following in the wake of their joy did nothing to improve his listless steps across the bridge. His mood had been declining for some time and he wondered how much of it was due to Nesta, and how much was due to the problems at the camps. The ever growing discord among the war bands added to his itch to return to the mountains. Cassian found a secluded spot on the bank and sat down heavily, propping himself on bent knees.

It was late afternoon and he wondered where Nesta would be spending her night. How much longer could she continue like this?

How much longer can I, he thought bleakly, only to quickly chastise himself for wallowing. He’d been through worse, succumbed to his own demons and fought them off. How similar those demons were to Nesta’s, he could only speculate. But something told him they were. At least, closer than she could imagine.

How could he convince her that he understood? She wouldn’t speak to him, let alone allow him to speak to her.

Cassian cursed and stood up. Enough. Nesta was beyond him. He was going to fly home before nightfall. With a ferocious flap of his wings, he shot into the air.

Of course his route over Velaris took him directly above her apartment building. Cassian cringed at the shabby appearance. Even from the air, it looked dirty and ill-kept. While he respected Nesta’s desire for independence, admired it even, he couldn’t see the place as anything more than a sign of a troubled soul. As a human, Nesta had been impeccable, never a hair out of place. Being made into a high fae had not changed that. Despite being forced to live as her worst nightmare, she’d maintained that air of propriety, that harsh need for control.

All of that was gone now.

He found himself circling above the building, like some pathetic-

Out of nowhere a sharp pain flared inside him, jerking him from the air. Cassian landed on her roof and spun around, looking for the source of the attack.

But no. He slowly realized no one had shot him. This was Velaris. Its shields were intact, nothing was amiss.

The pain struck again and this time, some basic understanding flickered in the core of his chest. He ignored it, taking to the air and flying down to the street. Within seconds he was at her door, pounding his fist against it.

“Nesta?”

He heard a muffled curse and something clang onto a tile floor.

After a too long silence, he called out, “I know you’re here. I heard you swear.” He was struggling to keep the fear from his voice, trying to force levity into it to hide the shaking.

Cassian continued pounding on the door until he heard the locks begin to turn. His racing heart eased, thanking the mother that he was being let in. He didn’t mean to burst through the entry and when he saw Nesta forced backwards, he lunged to catch her.

But she steadied herself and immediately seemed to catch fire. As she berated him, Cassian glanced down at her arm. The pale skin was marred only by a fading pink arc. Searching her bare skin for signs of other wounds, he realized he’d find none. Her fae nature meant something small like a cut would heal rapidly.

Small, he thought, his insides turning to lead, threatening to pull him through the floor. A small cut. How many others had there been?

His eyes moved slowly to her bathing room, where a nasty looking knife lay on the floor. In a small pool of blood.

It had just happened. Is that why he’d been drawn here?

A small cut. A small pool of blood.

How long before small becomes big?

The thought rang in his ears louder than Nesta’s yelling. His body numb, he barely registered the impact when she shoved him against the door. For a split second, he saw pure terror wash across her face. It vanished as quickly as it had appeared and before he could speak, she’d turned and left him alone. The slam of her bedroom door vibrated through him.

Cassian blinked as if waking from a stupor, the feeling coursing back through every nerve of his body. He thought he might be sick.

That leaden weight within him longed to pull him down and away and ignore it, ignore her, give her space, leave her venomous tongue for some other fool...

Fly home and forget.

She would never ask, never say the word ‘help’.

But the knife, this filthy apartment, the drinking, the males...

It was all part of a scream that they had not heard. Or worse, ignored.

Fly home and forget.

Fly home…

He had to do something. He’d failed her so many times.

With an ache in his heart, he knew if he failed her here and now, it would be the last time. She was destroying herself and was so very close to succeeding.

Cassian strode into the bathing room and grabbed the knife. He made no sound as he left but his mind was roaring. Planning, turning over options, scenarios, phrasing that might compel her.

Unable to bear touching it for long, he threw the knife away as soon as he could, then flew to the River House. He would need Feyre for this, maybe Elain, possibly Amren. It would be difficult, and she’d fight them every step of the way, but he needed to get her out of here. Away from Velaris, away from their judging eyes and the dark vices in which she was trying to drown herself.

The moment Cassian decided to take Nesta with him to Illyria, his siphons had blazed, the lead weight constricting his heart had melted.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door to the study and found Feyre reading.

“I need your help.” His voice gave him away. Hell, his face must have too.

She sat up, eyes wide. “Nesta? What happened?”

“Nothing yet. But…” Cassian paused, thinking for the first time how this plan might seem ridiculous. “I want to get her out of here. Take her to the mountains. I think…” He paused, closing his eyes. “If I can get her away from all this, it might help.”

He didn’t elaborate on what he meant, letting Feyre think whatever she wanted. She was his friend and high lady. He loved her like a sister. But despite the cruel words and disdain Nesta used to build her defenses, they’d all failed her. They’d all left her alone to fester in her grief and misery. He was ashamed to admit it, but it had been easier than trying to wrestle with a hellcat in pain.

“What do you need me to do?” Feyre was standing in front of him, eyes full of worry. But also, trust.

“I need you to kick her out of Velaris.”

*****

Thanks for reading!

My fanfic master list (includes links to ao3)

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #a court of silver flames #feyre archeron #acofas #acotar #acomaf #acowar #sarah j maas #my writing

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queensgaybeach1d · 6 years ago

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Hiya love, how are you? Lately I've been thinking a lot about Larry and all the other 1D ships. I know it's very possible that Larry is real, there are so many facts that hint to it being real, but 1D doesn't really exist anymore and the boys moved on. We haven't seen H and L in the same room since Lou's X Factor performance in 2016. I don't know if they really could sneak around without being seen considering how famous they are. [1] tbc

[2] And as much as I love the idea of Larry being a thing I still have my doubts. Babygate has been going on for 4 years now, it’s hard to believe that Louis would fake paternity for so long. Maybe he just fucked up and drunkenly hooked up with Briana, resulting in her getting pregnant? And the older Freddie gets the more he looks like Louis (I know you don’t believe this, trust me I don’t want to believe it either). tbc

[3] This whole thing just messes with my head. I miss fetus Larry when they openly joked around with each other and randomly hugged each other. But as the years went on they interacted with each other less. Harry went out with beautiful women, Louis has been in longterm relationships (fake or not doesn’t matter) and they don’t even acknowledge each other anymore. How can I still believe in them after everything that happened since 1D went on hiatus? tbc

[4] Ugh I’m just so frustrated. Sorry for spamming your inbox, I hope you don’t mind. I just needed to get this off my chest. Have a nice day! xoxo

——————————————————————————————————

Hi my rose,

How are you? I am doing fine. My apologies for not answering your question as soon as possible. I just saw it in my inbox. ;)

My heart just broke in two pieces when you wrote that 1D have moved on and are not together, they are, love. I definitely think they will reunite within the next two/three years and not for a final performance, but as the gorgeous band they are.

I do not think you (and many more people) understand how sly the media actually is. So If you are okay with it I will give you a few examples. When Louis travels to visit his sisters in Doncaster, where are our pictures? Nowhere to be seen. When Louis travels with is beard, where are the pictures? Everywhere, plus a double doses of headlines the next day. Louis went to an animal sanatorium with his sisters. Tons of people go there, why did the paparazzi not picture him there? Back in 2012 Louis and Eleano were ‘visiting’ (stunting) Disneyland. There was even a video of some bodyguards telling girls to stop taking pictures. Still, we got tons of hq paparazzi pics from them in Disneyland. Where is the privacy then? They try to make them look all private, but they ruin it on the other side again. Lots of people go to the animal sanatorium too, but no fan gave their location, no fan took a picture and no paparazzi was there.

People call paparazzi, because of money. They want to show off a certain brand or they want to be seen in public with someone else to get relationship rumors spread about them. All of this happens. There was even this one paparazzi picture in which Louis looked so cute and next to him there was a huge sign. On the sign was written that paps were not allowed in that area. I can not find the picture, right now but I will add it to the post if I find it. (I found it)

Moving on, there is something you also need to know. The celebrity does not hire the paparazzi in 1D’s case. The label does that, the boys told us themselves about their ‘freedom’. They could not dye their hair, be chubby and grow their facial hair. Think about this, do you genuinely think that the boys could and would call the paparazzi on themselves? They complain day and night about them and rightly so. The only celebrities who would do such a thing are The Kardashians.

So in short: they can move around in private without paparazzi following them. It happens daily. Where has Niall been this week? Did he not go outside? Yes he did, but no paparazzi was called on him. Imagine that in some different universe paparazzi would actually follow them everywhere, how about private doors, they could dress up as different people. There are endless possibilities, but still they get papped. That is not right.

Babygate is indeed going on for a long long time. People start to doubt it, something I indeed do not understand. I have made a post about it too. I do not think you should think something is real because it lasts so long, when there is proof that her bump is fake. That has been proven, multiple times. Why would she actually steal Amberfillerups pictures? If someone could please give me a solid answer to those question and more. Look love, Brianas whole pregnancy could have been real, but I would still not believe the kid is Louis’. I am not believing a man like Louis compared him to a dog, said he was not really excited with the baby etc.

Also love, it is not that I do not want to believe that Freddie ‘looks like him’. I just do not believe it, nor do I see it at all. It feels like you think that I am lying to myself, and believe me I am way to old to fool myself like that. Like, even if someone would point a gun to my head and tell me to believe it, I would still say ‘’No NO NO NO’’ it is just a big NO to me. I have not thought for a second that it was Louis’ baby, but I think it is difficult for you to understand it if you think these things are not possible. The kind of fear they put into you. You could check out my tag #pr industry or #music industry. Not to mention Louis not cooperating with the stunt at all.

Honey, stuff like this do not exist because he was joking. It exists because he is trying to tell them something. Everyone can literally see that this is a fake doll. Everyone. Remember that in 2012 a doll was also tossed on stage with ‘’Larry’s love child’’ on it and Louis did NOT toss it away. He put it next to him without reassuring it was a fake doll, everyone can see that. He also wore a MJ shirt for a teaser. The shirt has something to do with Billy Jean.

I miss 2011/2012 1D more and more each day. They were pure and real. It is unfortunate and weird that they can not do that stuff in public anymore. That can never ever happen because of the Larry rumors. I do think you know how I debunk those fake relationships that is why I did not go to much into it.

The answer to your question is quite easy, my love. Look between the lines. There have been gorgeous 2019 Larry moments. If you would like to check it out: https://queensgaybeach1d.tumblr.com/post/185227803529/a-lot-of-people-have-been-saying-larry-broke-up

We indeed do not see them in public anymore, but patience is the key to all you want right? Just have patience and everything will be fine. That we do not see something does not mean that it is not there. We just see the part they (the label) want us to see.

It is okay, love. There is no need to worry. It is totally okay to ask me stuff like this. I love answering your questions. I hope you will have a nice week, my love. Thank you so much for the question, love. ;)

Little gift: If you know the history behind this picture, you are a blessed soul. If you do not know it you are still a blessed soul. (I would never want to wish someone a bad thing).

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wolfgabe · 6 years ago

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Nintendo E3 2019 Thoughts Part 1The Direct

ce Okay so with yesterday behind us I felt I might as well offer my own opinions on the main event of the day the Nintendo Direct.

To start off I like how rapid fire a lot of Nintendo’s Directs have become. While it’s not as flashy as a full blown conference it pretty much cuts out most of the padding and helps make things arguably more focused. I wasn’t expecting them to cram so much in within 40 minutes and I admit I thought at times they would do a Smash Ultimate and spend a bunch of time on one title which of course never happened now then onto the games themselves

Dragon Quest Hero or should I say Dragon Quest Gang for Smash. Pretty much something most of us expected. Personally I have nothing against Erdrick and Pals and it was inevtiable really that we got Dragon Quest representation in Smash considering how in Japan DQ is pretty much on the same level as Call of Duty, Fortnite, and Minecraft here in the States. As easy as it is to complain about more anime sword boys when you look at it DQ was pretty much one of our only options for an additional SE rep considering how stingy SE is with Final Fantasy as well as the fact that Sora is pretty much a massive legal minefield for obvious reasons. I kinda find it clever really that rather than just represent 1 game they instead use the Hero as a means to represent the entire Dragon Quest series as whole.

Following that up fittingly is another trailer for Dragon Quest 11

Doug Bowser makes his E3/Direct debut and already the memes are out in full force

H̶o̶t̶e̶l̶ ̶M̶a̶r̶i̶o̶ ̶2̶/Luigis Mansion 3 is looking great. Seriously I just love how clean everything looks. It’s almost like the Luigis Mansion Dark Moon Artwork come to life/ Too bad we didn’t an actual release date but really for a game like this I would be surprised if they don’t go for an October release.

A Dark Crystal Game That was unexpected

Link’s Awakening now with Dungeon Maker. Seriously I can’t help but keep imagining a Zelda spinoff that’s basically a Zelda themed Dungeon Keeper

Trials of Mana and Collection of Mana Not exactly my cup of tea but it’s cool seeing The Mana Collection available on Switch right away

Witcher III for Switch. Another rumor that turned out true. Bring on all the oerformance jokes and PC master race trolls. Panic Button doesn’t appear to be handling this one but I can’t help but wonder what sorcery they used to get this game running on Switch

Fire Emblem Three Houses Not really big on FE myself. I get why some people are complaining they basically spoiled the big twist but I figure that Nintendo may have did it on purpose to show fans that it’s not just Harry Potter with a Fire Emblem Skin

More Resident Evil love for Switch which is nice although I can’t help but wonder why they chose a port of RE6 over the remake of RE2

No More Heroes III another bit of a surprise. I admit for a second I thought I was looking at some new Power Rangers mech game. Great to see after Travis Strikes Again

That new Contra game looks eggghhhh but its cool we are getting the Contra collection too

Daemon x Machina. I actually did get some enjoyment out of the demo and what I saw with the mech customization looks interesting but I seriously hope they fixed the framerate in the final release.

Panzer Dragoon Another one that came out of nowhere. Switch has been seeing quite the amount of Sega love. Now if only we could get a Sega Ages port of Daytona USA

Pokemon Sword and Shield get a brief shoutout. Figured they wouldn’t spend too much time on it considering how it just got a direct last week. And like that the R34 crowd has already abandoned Sonia for Nessa go figure.

Astral Chain got a new trailer. Pretty interesting game and no doubt it will probably have an insanely over the top final boss as with fine Platinum tradition

Empire of Sin pretty interesting management/strategy game looks like it might be worth a shot when it comes out.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 Not a big Marvel person but personally I think its a bit funny really that UA3 has better models than the SE Avengers game.

Cadence of Hyrule Finally have a release date and its right at the end of E3 which is cool

Mario and Sonic at the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games. Figured they would give a shoutout to this game. Eggman looks surprisingly hot in shorts. Why is nobody talking about the majesty of Barefoot Wario?

Animal Crossing New Horizons Finally the game pretty much everybody was waiting for. So it would appear Animal Crossing has now transformed into Minecraft. Jokes aside I can’t help but love the idea that you are pretty much now building the town yourself and populating the island from scratch. Okay actual path creation tools and the ability to place furniture outside this is too much. It’s kind of a bummer the game won’t be out till next March but its understandable really considering how packed Switches release schedule looks for the rest of 2019. Also Tom Nook being a greedy little shit as usual and where is Isabelle please don’t tell me Nintendo you forgot our precious doggo girl.

The obligatory switch game/port sizzle reel. Nice recap of things to come. Another MS game confirmed with Super Lucky’s Tale. Also the Spyro Reignited Trilogy has finally been confirmed for Switch and PC which is great. Alien Isolation? didn’t expect to see that game get ported. Still no release date for A Hat in Time Switch though

Now for what is arguably the two biggest bombshells to come out of this presentation

First off, Banjo Kazooie in Smash. I cannot freaking believe it a character where the Grinch Leak actually ended up turning out to be right!!! I admit even I had my doubts that we would actually see this come to fruition since I never thought MS would be that chill about letting Banjo show up in a game hosted by one of their own competitors. Of course competitor may not be the right word here considering how surprisingly chummy MS and Nintendo have gotten with each other as of late. I can’t help but find a sense of inner happiness and satisfaction when my own theories and hunches end up being proven correct. I just knew there had to be a reason why Blast Corps and Jet Force Gemini spirits were found in the game files for Smash Ultimate never mind the fact that MS in their E3 schedule clearly suggested we should watch Nintendo’s own E3 presentation. I admit when I first saw that Jiggy bounce by I kinda started to lose my collective shit. The whole reveal was just so brilliant from the way they basically parodied their own trailer to how happy the DK crew was to see Banjo again. Its almost like Sakurai and Nintendo were reading everyone’s mind. I am really liking Banjo’s Smash design and how they basically went for more updated version of his classic look rather than just settle for the Nuts and Bolts design. A perfect way really to drive home the point that Banjo has pretty much come home. And I cannot believe it they actually got Grant Kirkhope himself on board to compose new music for Smash. I admit I am loving that Spiral Mountain remix and you can even make out bits and pieces from other Banjo levels too. I can’t wait to hear what else there is with Banjo. While I am mainly a Nintendo person I would just like to give thanks to Phil Spencer for helping make so many Nintendo and Smash fans wildest dreams finally come true. Now perhaps see if you get the original Banjo games as well as maybe a Nintendofied version of Rare Replay perhaps on Switch

And finally capping off the direct was the reveal that an actual follow up to The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild is now in development. When we will see this title in full I am not sure but the brief teaser looks like they are hinting that Ganondorf himself could be back from the grave. Now I am hearing how the devs say they were inspired by Red Dead Redemption 2 does that mean more detailed horse mechanics?

All in all I would rate Nintendo’s E3 Direct an 8/out of 10. A few points were docked from the Animal Crossing delay but there was still a lot of games that I am interested in due out in the near future as well as some wonderful surprises to boot. I would personally say Nintendo was probably the best part of E3 this year and they made me a very happy gamer

#nintendo #e3 #e3 2019 #nintendo e3 2019 #Nintendo Direct #thoughts #review #impressions #it was a good direct

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smengus · 7 years ago

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favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM) there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more.

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk) ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8) ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU) to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by.

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months.

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ. 왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y) this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about.

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!

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wannawrite · 8 years ago

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Baby, Is That You?

Yuehua Ent trainees ( more like Justin X Reader tho )

Fluff

Word count: 4516

• my Yuehua babies

• their gfs are debuting in a girl group bUT thEY DON’T KNOW SO SHUSH ;)

• for the wonderful @hahasungqwoomz and her friend Katy 💓

• ft. WannaWrite Ent’s created girl group, MAUVE ( don’t ask abt the name i went through three different name generators ) consisting of, @hahasungqwoons , Katy, Kang Sanghee, Ryon Hyejin and Ri Minseo

PAIRINGS

Justin & @hahasungqwoons ( requested )

Seunghyuk & Katy ( requested )

Euiwoong & Sanghee

Zheng Ting ( Jung Jung ) & Hyejin

Hyungseob & Minseo

MAUVE

@hahasungqwoons ( main vocalist, lead dancer )

Katy ( lead vocalist, main dancer )

Hyejin ( rapper, visual )

Sanghee ( lead rapper, maknae )

Minseo ( sub vocalist, leader, centre ) this was done at random don’t @ me pls

ASFJSKAHKSXHKS MY YUEHUA SONS i call every trainee that even though i’m younger than them all omg i need to stop. This was a little bit hard for me but I really liked this concept iTS SO CUTE AW I WANT TO BE IN A GIRL GROUP and i loved creating my own group of girls God bless ya’ll Mauve is debuting under WannaWrite Entertainment ™. Hope you guys don’t mind I changed dance group in ‘girl group’ sorry !! It just seemed more understandable for me this way 😬

__________

It was never supposed to be a routinely thing.

Yuehua Entertainment’s branch in Korea was nowhere near the small yet popular cafe you and your best friends hung out at during the one hour break you had between training sessions. All of you knew you had struck gold when the handsome and unreal Yuehua trainees stopped by for a drink. The whole cafe - which was crowded with students and young adults - whispered softly among theirselves at the arrival of the popular Produce 101 trainees.

“Didn’t manager unnie say they were coming to train with Jumin oppa?” Kang Sanghee muttered, talking about one of WannaWrite Entertainment’s solo artists.

“Lia unnie was going to evaluate their practice. It was some partnership between Yuehua and WannaWrite,” Ryon Hyejin replied, looking up shyly from her waffle to glance at the boys. At that moment, Zhu Zheng Ting, or Jung Jung, decided to look her way too. The pair locked gazes and Zheng Ting waved timidly, causing Hyejin to gasp and blush. It appeared that the Chinese boy found it incredibly adorable, he beamed widely.

You knew exactly how cute and deceiving Hyejin could be, when you first met her, you babied her and never guessed she would be Mauve’s rapper. Everyone assumed she was the sheepish maknae but being the maknae was Sanghee’s job. On a daily, Hyejin would be so shy she could barely utter two words to other trainees or managers in the building but she could spit fire and roast people when she opened up to them. It was entertaining to watch.

“Awww! Jinnie! Your face is like a tomato!” Katy commented, giggling away.

“We should introduce ourselves,” courageous and shameless Ri Minseo said, standing up.

You grabbed her arm. “No way. We aren’t Mauve yet. We haven’t debuted, there’s no way they would know about us. It’ll be creepy,” you insisted.

Minseo pouted and nodded sulkily, slumping in her seat. However, that wasn’t enough to stop her. You found your leader walking up to the table where the boys were and introducing herself, she was so outgoing it nearly landed her in trouble. Eventually, she returned to your own table, wearing Hyungseob’s baseball hat. You and your best friend Katy, locked eyes and blushed in second-hand embarrassment for your leader. The redness remained when Minseo pointed out that Justin Huang was shamelessly checking you out. You brushed it off.

It was quite disappointing when your hour break ended and had to leave the presence of the good looking, almost celebrities. You sighed, tossing away the tray of rubbish into the bin and sneakily taking one last look at Justin’s beautiful face.

The boys exited a minute after the few of you did, their sleek black car arrived at the doorstep and you assumed they were headed back to Yuehua’s building.

Admiring the Yuehua trainees was a memory that would last forever.

And Hyungseob’s hat would remain on Minseo’s head forever.

…

It came as a complete shock when Katy nudged you in the ribs, mumbling about how Euiwoong had stepped into the cafe again. You looked up from the pile of homework the two of you were currently swamped in, a reason why the rest of the group decided to rest in the practice room instead.

Your gaze met a familiar blonde boy’s one, his cheeks tinted pink and he pulled his black face mask higher up to hide them. You found it insanely adorable and your heart thudded unnecessarily fast.

But… why were they back? There were plenty of good and well-known cafes around Yuehua’s studio. They literally drove halfway across Korea for this place.

One side of you wanted to believe that they hoped to see you again but the other, more realistic and rational half believed they had business with WannaWrite Entertainment again. Why wouldn’t Yuehua work with WannaWrite? Both companies were well to do and provided ample opportunities for artists. You thought about all the special classes that were provided for the trainees, ranging from sex education, mental health and extra schooling support. All trainees could only enter with a high school diploma or working towards one and the managers tracked your school work.

It was stressful managing school and trainee life but hadn’t the CEOs then insisted on giving trainees Sundays off? And you even had a travel pass that lasted a week to escape reality.

Once, CEO N had paid for every staff to venture on a weekend relaxation trip to a beach resort in Phuket.

Where did all this money come from?

Sanghee swore that CEO L and N ran around robbing banks in broad daylight.

Or it could be that they represented some of Kpop’s most popular artists and made millions out of them but the artist gained billions more because 'it’s their money they worked hard for and therefore the company will only take 15%’ ( its q little but a lot at the same time i did my math im bad at math tho ) Why wouldn’t Yuehua join forces?

“Excuse me,” a voice interrupted your train of thought.

JUSTIN HUANG OR HUANG MINGHAO WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU.

Where was Katy?

Oh, she had to 'go to the ladies’.

“Um, yeah?” You replied and nearly smacked yourself on the head for how lame that sounded.

“Uhhh, my friend… Hyungseob had his hat taken from him by one of your friends?” His eyes kept shifting from your face to the wall behind you and then to your math textbook. “Oh! I know how to do this sum. Do you need help?”

Truthfully, you didn’t. But a cute guy was offering to help you so… you nodded eagerly. “Oh! Sorry about that, I can call her to return it to him. And wow, you must be really smart! I’m struggling with these. Ugh!"

Ew, you cringed internally at what you said. He’s most likely freaked out by that.

To your surprise, Justin didn’t shrink back and escape to his table but pulled a chair out and sat down, chuckling. "I’m Justin by the way, but I suppose you know me… I mean, I’m a Yuehua trainee, I was on Produce-” he stopped short when he saw you giggling away. “Ahh, so you do know me. Please see me as a potential friend instead of a celebrity!"

You nodded, understanding how he felt being a fellow nearly debuted trainee. You had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from introducing as "Hi, I’m Mauve’s Y/N” or “Hello, I’m WannaWrite Entertainment’s trainee, Y/N”.

No, introduce yourself like a friend would.

“My name’s Y/N,” you finally said, regaining your voice.

“Y/N,” Justin tested out your name and it rolled perfectly off his tongue. “Such a pretty name."

"Yah! You’re supposed to be helping her not flirting with her.” You didn’t even realise that Seunghyuk had walked over, Zheng Ting by his side. They flashed cover worthy smiles at you.

“Hello Y/N, I’m Seunghyuk and-”

“I’m Zheng Ting! Or… Jung Jung."

Katy returned to her seat and smiled meekly at the boys, taking a sip of her drink. Seunghyuk slid into the seat across her. "Hi! I’m Seunghyuk."

Oh no! Manager unnie is going to be so angry with all the controversies after pictures are uploaded onto fancafes!

But it was hard to ignore their advances so you let it slip and enjoyed Justin’s company.

…

To cut the long story short, Minseo asked Hyungseob out after a month of being his friend. That was Minseo for you.

All of you grew close to the Yuehua trainees and manager unnie couldn’t care less because the companies were working closely but the thing was that… none of the boys figured out that you guys were trainees!

Crazy right?

Then again, WannaWrite hadn’t released much information about their new girl group. They publicly announced that a new group was in the making but any news of the final lineup had yet to be released. So, your new friends had no idea who you actually were. Mauve members couldn’t speak about anything until teasers had been published.

You figured they hadn’t had much time to do any snooping either. It was three months to debut anyways. The album was nearly finished after all the endless nights spent recording. Manager unnie had already finalised the schedule for all the publicity events and the final contract signing with the CEOs would be next week. The five of you had trained until you were bone-tired for debut stage. All the hard work would pay off. You and Katy were working super hard on the choreography and you longed to ask Justin for help but… but they couldn’t know.

You stared at Minseo and Hyungseob, the couple cuddled in a booth in that cafe they met in, laughing and engaging in playful banter. Minseo forked a cut piece of waffle and fed Hyungseob.

How affectionate.

You just hoped that their relationship wouldn’t be destroyed when he knew the truth. Katy and Seunghyuk were also growing close. There were times she left the dorm on Sunday alone, updating later with pictures of her and him at the movies, skating and eating lunch. It was really sweet to see your friends getting into relationships yet they never lost focus on the big debut.

Sanghee tapped into her more quiet and shy side whenever she was around the bubbly Euiwoong. She was slightly more outgoing than Hyejin but she couldn’t show much of that side. Regardless, you saw the way Euiwoong looked at her.

He was falling hard.

Let’s hope the truth wouldn’t crush him.

You rested your head on Justin’s shoulder. Lately, he had been getting extremely affectionate and caring towards you. Skin ship was a given every time you met. He just had to find a way to hug you or entwine his fingers with your own. It was clear he liked you more than a friend but you weren’t sure if you could deal with the pressure of being an idol and date one at the same time. You liked him too, you really did.

"Jung Jung’s trailer is coming out next week,” Justin said. “It’ll be good. I hope you anticipate mine."

You smiled at his cheekiness, but that was one of the things you adored about him. "Of course! I expect your debut to go well, you’ll be successful, I’m sure of it,” you convinced. I hope you look forward to mine too, you almost added but you couldn’t go behind the rest of your friends’ backs. Everyone agreed not to say a word and it was even in the contract.

Justin had been texting you almost every day and your group chat with the Yuehua boys was never inactive but teaser shooting was going to begin soon and you would never have time for your phone then. Two weeks from now, another short introduction video and the second experimental song would be published.

Let’s hope they’ll be busy with their own debut. They haven’t discovered our first experimental song and video yet but those have been getting pretty popular. It’s the world’s first look at the highly anticipated 'Mauve’.

You sighed, lacing your hand with Justin’s.

…

The concept of the teaser photos for the album was simple. You actually liked your outfit and felt every bit of a team. Everyone wore white and one item would be of a shade of mauve. The location was somewhere in the suburbs.

Katy, who was sitting next to you in her makeup chair was practically glowing even without her highlight. You knew something was up, so you smacked her thigh.

“Ouch! Y/N! Bruises show up on camera!” She shrieked.

You rolled your eyes. “It wasn’t that hard. What’s up with you? You’re so… happy?” She was one of your closest friends, you never kept secrets from each other.

“Spill!"

"Okay, okay! Oh my god, um. Okay. Seunghyuk asked me to be his girlfriend!”

“WHAT?”

That wasn’t just from you, but the rest of the members and maybe even the staff.

“HOW?"

"He texted me to meet him at the park and then when I reached, he gave me a bouquet of flowers and asked me! I said yes! And then he treated me to ice cream, it wasn’t convenience store ones but from an actual parlour. I don’t mind convenience store cones though,” she explained in detail.

'Ooohs’ and 'ahhs’ filled the makeup tent.

Then, Sanghee admitted that she had asked Euiwoong to be her boyfriend too. It was a daring move.

3/5 of Mauve was attached to 3/5 of Yuehua boys.

No matter what, they agreed to stay as friends even if they broke up.

“Guys, we can’t hide forever. We have one song out and a few introduction videos but we’re going to be Mauve. We’re going to debut. They just haven’t seen our videos and they don’t know what they’re in for. We should tell them,” Minseo suddenly spoke up. “They won’t be dating normal high school students but idols like them. I really want to avoid all the controversy and scandals, we need to talk with them."

Hyejin nodded, "Why haven’t they figured it out? I mean, we’re like number 5 on Naver search. Everyone has been waiting for a confirmation of the lineup, now they have it.”

“A step ahead of you girls, to avoid them knowing, their manager has limited their contact with the internet but they’re also working hard on their own debut. We’ll make sure to sort things out with their managers before your debut, rest assured, they don’t know anything. Focus on today’s shoot.” Your manager informed.

Shifting in your seat, you adjusted the light mauve coloured beret on your head and shuffled your black ankle boots together. Nerves were getting to you and it didn’t help that you felt guilty for not letting your good friend’s in on this.

Katy played with her purple fishnet tights which were tucked into black combat boots. Her pocket tee and tennis skirt were white in colour, like your shirt and ripped jean shorts.

Hyejin wore a huge oversized purple button down which was tucked into a sleek white skirt with a huge silver ring at the zip. Her eyelids were dusted with a soft lilac eyeshadow. Like the group, she too had black shoes.

Minseo had a really cool closet. Her body was shown off with the white sleeveless body con but she wrapped a shirt similar to Hyejin’s around her waist and pulled on knee high boots.

Sanghee’s look was more playful. Her top was rather professional, the classic long sleeved white blouse but it was half tucked into tapered mauve booty shorts. She also had a lilac tie that hung neatly around her neck, a strong contrast from Hyejin’s velvet choker.

“Minseo! It’s time!"

You would be up next after your leader, your hands shook and palms began to sweat.

Breathe, you can do this. Justin’s going through the exact same thing, you can do this too.

Your haze fell to the floor. If only he knew…….

…

YUEHUA BOYS

5.34pm

Seunghyuk: guys, katy isn’t answering my calls

Justin: me too! Y/N’s phone seems to be turned off.

Hyungseob: relax, Minseo told me she had a whole day school trip that’s why

Justin: Y/N and Minseo aren’t in the same level! Do you think she’s okay?

Euiwoong: she should be, don’t worry about them. they can hold their own

Zheng Ting: Hyejin is also MIA. Maybe we should go visit them?

Hyungseob: we don’t even know where they live…..

Seunghyuk: isn’t it weird that they’re always together? Wouldn’t their parents want them to come home?

Zheng Ting: i think Hyejin and Sanghee share a dorm because they traveled for school so yeah

Euiwoong: they’re probably busy too, has anyone talked to manager hyung about our relationships?

Hyungseob: he told me it’s okay as long as we don’t go public until well after debut promotions have ended

Seunghyuk: I wonder if they’ll even let us date…..like…you know

Justin: whatever, let’s just hope for the best and focus on our debut now

Justin: but I miss Y/N so much!

…

"Hello?” you answered your phone, not even bothering to hide the exhaustion in your voice. Filming the teasers had just wrapped up, it was late at night and you struggled to clamber back into the limousine.

“Babe? Is that you?"

Omg what?

Justin?

He called you 'babe’!

"Justin?"

There was a long pause.

"Uh, yeah. Hi Y/N, oh! You sound tired? Are you okay? You should sleep!"

"Uhh, yes! I’m fine, just tired…um, Katy and I were working on a school project…and I think… t-that I feel asleep on the table,” you lied, feeling guilty. Katy and Sanghee shot you suspicious stares, Hyejin and Minseo were cuddled up, already asleep.

“Ahh, don’t work yourself too much. Get some rest,” Justin said, his voice was calm and soothing, you smiled brightly despite the fatigue.

“Shouldn’t I be saying that, you’re an idol. You are too hard on yourself, rest well okay? I’ll buy you lunch after your debut stage."

Sanghee wanted to remind you it would be dinner and that Mauve would also be debuting then but she clamped her mouth shut and texted Euiwoong instead.

"Okay! Looking forward to it. Thank you Y/N, goodnight!"

You sighed and leaned your head against the comfortable headrest, closing your eyes and shutting the world out. But all you could think about was how happy you were when you heard Justin’s voice and how he had called you 'babe’. He seemed just as tired as you were but still reminded you to take care of yourself. He was so kind and caring, what more could you ask for?

…

One month to both debuts.

Only one more month.

The last of the teaser photos and videos had been uploaded to the official website, Twitter and Instagram. The response had been positive, everyone seemed to love the group.

Manager unnie was in the process of preparing the VLive channel as she handed you your new schedule.

"Wow…."

Every single day was packed with activities, be it promotions, interviews, talk shows….it was crazy.

“If the album does well, we might even secure a deal with Moonshot. Keep pushing on girls!” She cheered.

You knew not all rookies had such amazing opportunities, it had to be the work of the managers and CEOs, you were forever grateful. Mauve was going to be popular and successful. You just wondered how your boyfriend hadn’t figured a single thing out.

It was shocking. Justin often called late at night and apologised for not texting you throughout the day. You found it sweet but really didn’t have any time to check your phone or text back. When Euiwoong invited you girls to their first debut stage, Sanghee and Minseo were unsure of how to pull it off but Katy and Hyejin persuaded them and they replied.

“How can we not support our boyfriends in a special time like this?” Hyejin had scoffed, combing through her newly dyed platinum blonde hair.

Minseo wasn’t extremely satisfied with her new bangs but she kept her mouth shut and insisted that the stylist unnie would style it prettily for her. She left her hair in a mess usually but it naturally became unruly after every practice.

Drenched in sweat, you collapsed on the dance studio’s floor, Katy pushed a water bottle into your reach. You took a huge gulp from it.

“We aren’t done yet, this is just the beginning.” You nodded with vigour, agreeing with Minseo.

This was the final stage, you had to give it your all.

…

The debut album was dropping today. The whole internet was talking about it. You felt a bit bad, the Yuehua boys had just debuted a few days ago yet all netizens were anticipating was Mauve’s debut. Also, it was leaked that members of Mauve were close with the Yuehua boys and people had starting the shipping. It wasn’t like you minded too much.

It became some sort of inside joke that everyone except your own boyfriend knew about your debut. Their manager had gone to great lengths to keep the news on the low. They’d find out in a day’s time, when it was time for MNET Countdown.

You ran a hand through your hair nervously, sitting on the plush sofa seat together with the rest of your group. The album had been released. Manager unnie went through multiple details about your new schedule but all you focussed on was the numbers flipping every second as someone bought the album.

“Y/N!"

You nearly jumped out of your seat. Hyejin reached over and squeezed your hand. "Concentrate a bit more. I know you’re nervous,” she whispered.

“Okay…and, that should be about it. Remember, be ready for hair and makeup by 8am tomorrow before we drive to the venue, okay? You girls can go.” All you caught was the last bit, you rubbed your temples and huffed.

At least you’d finally see Justin and the rest of your friends tomorrow, and you’d be able to watch their performance.

“We have the day off. Where should we go? Uh, with security of course,” Minseo asked, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Let’s go shopping at Gangnam!"

"I want ice cream!"

"Let’s just go back to the dorms and sleep.”

“Sanghee, no. I want to go to a hedgehog cafe!"

All of you started bickering about what you should do as a team. It would be fun to go out and have a break and breathe the air of freedom once again. Katy practically shoved you up the stairs to the dorms.

"Change! We’re going out!”

…

You admired the shiny black leather jacket you bought for Justin as a congratulatory gift and the glimmering pendant that hung around your neck. You tried to avoid the cameras as much as possible but of course, there was bound to be pictures uploaded somewhere.

So far, your Yuehua friends hadn’t talked about anything related to it. You sent a text congratulating them on a good start, they replied late with tons of thanks. Justin even sent you a selca to make up for his absence. But you’d see him tomorrow.

Today.

Debut stage.

Sanghee tugged on your skirt, insisting that it was too short and was showing too much of your black dancing shorts. She was so frantic, her fishnet tights had nearly ripped twice. “Euiwoong might never look at me again!” She wailed, pulling at her shirt.

Minseo - who was the most calm - rolled her eyes. “Please! He won’t, we never lied to any of them. Some things just aren’t meant to be told… yet. Relax."

Katy shot you a small and nervous smile as the two of you were being outfitted with the microphones. It was a rush, running to watch your friends perform and then back because there was only one other group before yours.

Hyejin warmed up her tongue as you stretched, making sure you could do a proper split for the choreography. It had been modified to push you to test your limits as a dancer.

"Yuehua is on!” Katy hissed and signalled for the rest of you to come quickly.

They squeezed all of you into the sound booth.

As Justin awoke from his beginning pose, you saw a flash of confusion in his eyes as he scanned the crowd for you. His eyes found yours and his jaw fell slightly, luckily, the choreography called for a spin and change of position so he couldn’t afford to divert his focus.

“I think Seunghyuk saw me,” Katy muttered. “He looked so… shocked and…I don’t know."

Minseo nearly waved her hands up in the air and screamed 'Hyungseob’. She settled for a more subtle and cheeky wave.

Their performance came to an end and the group was rushed backstage before any questions could be asked. You ran in heels to your spot in the wings as the other group proceeded out to take their places. There wasn’t any sign of Justin or any of them.

"Don’t worry. They’re sure to watch you guys. I think they finally put the pieces together. Just go out there and give it your best!” Manager unnie encouraged, patting all of you on the shoulder comfortingly.

You inhaled a deep breath.

Debut stage was here.

…

“I swear! I swear it was her! It-it was- was them!” Zheng Ting stuttered out, his face flushing red.

“Yes! It has to be! Minseo even waved to me! Oh my god, my girlfriend is an idol too!” Hyungseob exclaimed in disbelief.

“That’s ridiculous! But hey, that new group that everyone’s been talking about is coming out next. I haven’t actually watched anything of theirs though,” Euiwoong admitted.

“Let’s go and watch them."

Seunghyuk lead the way to their seats, he nestled into one of them, anticipating the performance.

"Mauve? Don’t they have a reality show or something? Like a debut battle? In the early stages without the final lineup? Something like that,” Justin gossiped, he sat at the edge of his seat and nearly fell out of it when the spotlights flashed on.

“OH MY GOD I TOLD YOU!"

Minseo.

Hyejin.

Sanghee.

Katy.

You.

You tried to find them in the sea of faces but couldn’t and decided to focus on your stage instead, that could come later.

"No way, my-my girlfriend is a Mauve member!” Justin shouted.

Hyungseob’s jaw touched the floor, he gazed in amazement. “My girlfriend is the leader of Mauve!"

"Hyejin’s a rapper? Oh my goodness! What?”

“Woah! Y/N and Katy are killing the dance!"

They had never been more starstruck.

"Wait, did everyone but us know?”

“…Yes.”

“I feel like an idiot,” Justin groaned and covered his face.

“But for Y/N, I’ll be anything."

…

"I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SANG SO WELL!” Minseo praised Sanghee, embracing the maknae.

Sweat was trickling down your face but you felt so energised and powered up. So the second you spotted Justin approaching, you ran and launched yourself into his arms, laughing.

“You did so well babe! I’m so proud!"

"You were incredible! I really loved your stage!"

"When were you going to tell us?” Seunghyuk interrupted.

Minseo blushed guiltily.

“We thought you guys knew and it was in our contract that we couldn’t speak much about it anyways,” Hyejin said smoothly.

Euiwoong dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “Whatever, I’m just so happy for all of us! Let’s go for pizza!"

No one objected.

So, hand in hand, you walked out of the venue with your boyfriend, surrounded by your good friends… and some security.

Justin held you close to his side. "You know I’m proud and happy for you right? You’re amazing and you’ll be stealing everyone’s hearts soon!” You commented.

He laughed and caressed your face. “The only heart I’d ever want is yours.”

“Wait…was that a reference to our song…that Sanghee wrote?"

”….maybe.“

"Justin!”

#produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #yuehua #yuehua trainees #justin huang #zhu zheng ting #lee euiwoong #ahn hyungseob #choi seunghyuk #yuehua entertainment #jung jung

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melpomenecokr · 6 years ago

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﹟ ♡ THIS MONTH IN MUSIC : MAY 2019.

♡♡♡

May was a month that happened and I guess we need to talk about it.

As barren as the month seemed for impressive releases, there were a few diamonds in the rough, thank God, and as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, it’s my job to bring them to light, and talk about why these hits stood out among the many (many) misses this month of May had to offer. All complaints aside, I present to you my top five musical recommendations for the month of May.

Just as they always are, links for purchase and streaming services will be provided at the end of each segment for their respective release. Please remember to support these artists and their music so we can hear more from them in the future.

#005. “DDU-DDU ddu-ddu (뚜두뚜두)” - SINGLE BY ETUDE♡ (습작) RELEASE DATE: 03 MAY 2019

You all often like to joke with me that I am, for the most part, boy group illiterate, so it may not come with much shock when I say I’ve only knowingly heard a few songs from this group in the past. I tend to listen to almost anything and everything that drifts into my recommended or that I stumble across while browsing MelOn and the like, and I believe that’s how I discovered ETUDE♡ existed in the first place. In the case of “DDU-DDU ddu-ddu” (like the professionals we are on this blog, we’re going to shorten that to just “DDU-DDU” from now on, thank you), however, I actually sought this release out after seeing the video teaser the day prior, because it seemed very intriguing -- and for once, I wasn’t deceived.

(Just to preface, we’re only going to be talking about the title of this release since this is not an in-depth review, but I would definitely recommend listening to the other two songs, if you’ve got the time.)

“DDU-DDU” is a pop-rap song heavily influenced by trap and EDM with its heavy bass and almost peculiar-sounding beat. Right from when the song starts and the group screams their name into your ear on the first beat drop, you get the sense this is going to be a power anthem about how great and capable they are and how they’re better than everyone else; and as eye-roll worthy as that sounds, that’s actually what makes the title track of this single so great. It knows exactly what it is and it accomplishes its goal perfectly with gutsy raps and surprisingly solid vocals.

The aforementioned raps are really where this song finds its footing because the chorus isn’t much, but that’s perfectly fine, because with a song like this, the chorus doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. The first rap is delivered by member Yejun, with a slow and suavé kind of flow to it; the kind of rap you would expect to play while the final boss of a video game or the big bad of an action movie makes their first appearance. The punchlines are a little weak, but I think the way this rap flows in itself makes up for that in earnest, it just sounds so good, you don’t really care much about what he’s actually saying. Then, the second rap, delivered by member Saint, follows the chorus and it’s the antithesis of what the preceding rap was; it’s fast-paced, hard-hitting, and really drives home the point of the whole song. I still don’t know that ‘that ddu-du ddu-du du’ is but I fully believe I was hit with it.

Not to undermine the vocalists, though, because they really did an outstanding job, despite this type of beat and vibe being more fitting for rappers. The main vocalist, Seongwoo, stood out to me because of the way he sang his lines. It’s hard for a lot of k-pop vocalists to portray bravado and confidence with their voices because they are trained to sing in very distinct ways, but he captured that vibe perfectly while still managing to sound stable and light. “DDU-DDU” is the kind of song you play when you need a confidence boost, no doubt about it, and it’s definitely made its way onto my playlist.

Listen to “ DDU-DDU ddu-ddu (뚜두뚜두)” here and stream the music video here.

#004. “BLAME IT ON YOUR LOVE” - SINGLE BY CHARLI XCX AND LIZZO RELEASE DATE: 15 MAY 2019

These two getting together was completely unexpected on my part, but it was the match made in Heaven that I never saw coming. A snippet of this song actually leaked sometime last year, which had many living in the XCX-verse on the edge of their seats waiting for the project to come back ‘round, and Charli and Lizzo made quite a wave on Twitter when they announced they were doing this piece together. Though I was definitely thrown, I was excited; both artists have a way of being so wonderfully simple and straightforward with their lyrics, but combine that with complex arrangements and composition and messages that it leaves you trapped between two different feelings, and it’s great when music can evoke that strong of a response.

“Blame It On Your Love” is no exception to this formula these two ladies employ in completely different ways, and their radically different styles come together with a harmony that makes this such a good, and unique song. I wouldn’t be against them forming a duo or doing a collaboration album, to be honest.

Anyway, “Blame It On Your Love” is an eccentric pop song about nervous jitters and different wavelengths making a relationship difficult -- the feelings seem unrequited but it’s hard for Charli to tell because she can’t get close enough to the object of her affections without turning into a nervous wreck, and sabotaging herself when it comes to opening up. Charli’s vocals are broken and slow and create a sense of nervousness and tension that the listener can resonate with, while Lizzo is confident and straightforward (as always) while delivering her short verse near the end of the song. She seems to be giving a completely opposite message than Charli, but because her high-energy rhymes are so different from Charli’s cautious vocals, it works. It’s not detached, either -- it doesn’t seem like it comes out of nowhere, as the production sets the dong up perfectly to have Lizzo give Charli this reality check. Her banter-like ad-libs really make this song so fun and enjoyable, too; despite Lizzo’s contributions seeming relatively small on the surface, she really did her part to make this song the summer-night anthem that it is.

Overall, I really enjoyed this release, as I knew it was going to be great the moment they announced via social media that they were working together, even if I didn’t immediately know what to expect. I hope these ladies collaborate again in the future; I think when wildly different artists come together and vibe the right way, it can make a memorable spectacle. We need more of that. Some artists are way too full of themselves these days.

Listen to “Blame It On Your Love” here.

#003. “DEDICATED” - STUDIO ALBUM BY CARLY RAE JEPSEN RELEASE DATE: 17 MAY 2019

If I could only recommend you one underrated artist to stan this year, it would be Carly Rae Jepsen. This is the first time I’ve discussed her on my blog for a while because she sort of fell off the radar after “Call Me Maybe” had the whole world singing in 5-syllable sentences for the better portion of 2012, however she came back onto my life on a better note when “Cut To The Feeling” was pretty much the Pride Anthem of last year. I went back and listened to pretty much everything I had missed from her and when I tell you this girl is not only talented, but pretty much dedicates her career to true retro-esque pop music, I mean it, and I couldn’t mean it more. While I’m sure none of us were as excited to hear “Dedicated” as my best friend’s boyfriend, there was a lot of anticipation surrounding Jepsen’s fourth studio album via her cult following. Now that it’s here, I can verify it was not only worth the wait, but that it didn’t disappoint in the slightest.

Carly (I’m going to call her by first name for the rest of this segment because I feel foolishly close to her) has the energy and ambition of a pop star with the innocence and modesty of the girl-next-door, and I absolutely love that about her. As much as I need to hear a good, old-fashioned pop song about having sex with a stranger in the back of a stolen SUV every now and then, there’s something so refreshing about Carly’s innate curiosity about love and how desperately she wants to experience it as a young (33 is young, shut up) woman with a big heart. I believe “Dedicated” is the clearest glimpse into her world she’s ever given, and with that, the songs I would like to highlight from this 13-track (not counting the bonus tracks) wonderland of an album are “Now That I Found You”, “Right Words Wrong Time”, and “Real Love.”

If you haven’t heard “Now That I Found You” by now, I want you to know that I am deeply disappointed in you. This song is everything you’d expect from CRJ and more -- the retro vibes, the high-energy, the stellar vocals and the addictive lyrics blend together to make this not only the song of the summer, but the song of every summer. The delivery of the lovesick lyrics is so earnest and bright that it not only puts you in a great mood, but makes you want to go outside and dance in the rain, regardless of who’s watching, or your high chances of catching a cold. This is exactly the kind of pure, unadulterated pop that Carly delivers consistently without getting stale; it’s so easy to get lost in her world that you won’t even realize 3 minutes and 20 seconds has gone by and you’ll want to replay it 20 times on your drive to work or while sniffing melons at the supermarket. I know this sounds oddly specific, and that’s because it is. I listen to every piece I review 3 times over at least, and this was one of the easiest songs to follow that rule with to date.

“Right Words Wrong Time” is the second-to-last song on this album, and I think that was done with a concerning degree of intention. It’s a slow, melancholic track about a relationship that just isn’t working because the two lovers are on two different wavelengths. It rings consistent with Carly’s desire for passionate and confident love, as she’s frustrated with her lover for not prioritizing her enough to know what she really seeks in their relationship until its too late. I was considerably surprised by this track, but I think it works so perfectly for this album’s overarching layout and themes because it teaches the listener that you should never settle in a relationship, and you should know when you’ve given enough chances. It’s not a song you could break out in a full-choreographed dance to at any given time, but it doesn’t need to be for the message it’s trying to convey. Carly’s soft vocals and the simple, tastefully-repetitive beat amplify what she’s saying in a way that really resonates with the listener, which is exactly what the lyrics of this song demand. It works perfectly.

Remember that point about “Right Words Wrong Time” intentionally being toward the end for a reason? Well, “Real Love” ends this album and that same concept must have been employed here, too, because this song ties this album together so perfectly, it could honestly work as a formal outro. It sums up what Carly has always been about, wanting “real, real love” in a cold and unforgiving world when she doesn’t know who to trust or who is telling the truth. It’s such a wholesome desire that I think most people can relate to in one way or another, because at the end of the day, a lot of humans just want real, honest relationships that give them a reason to get out of bed on a particularly tough day, or to reassure them that they’re worth something when the world gets them down. This energetic pop song and earnest ballad hybrid showcases just how much CRJ makes music for normal, everyday people who aren’t glamourous rich pop stars constantly feeling like they’re the best. It’s so honest and I can feel how naked she must have felt writing and putting out a song like this, and it shouldn’t go without appreciation.

Listen to “Dedicated” here and stream the music video for “Now That I Found You” here.

#002. “90s BXTCH” - SINGLE BY KKUMA (꿈아) RELEASE DATE: 26 MAY 2019

If I had been on top of my game this month, this song almost certainly would have missed the cutoff date to be included in this list -- so I guess my turmoil was a blessing in disguise (though it could have always been included in next month’s, I know, but I like to be optimistic sometimes).

Kkuma is one of those artists that, even if by some tragedy you don’t like her, you have to respect her because of how iconic her style is, what she stands for, and the fact that she’s probably produced some of your favourite Korean artists’ biggest hits. She’s really been outdoing herself this year by releasing so much music after leaving her fans with very little the last year and a half, and nothing she’s put out has been bad. Period.

(The reason I haven’t been reviewing them all individually is because I’m nearly certain that she’s gearing up to release an album this year, by the way. I’m not a fake stan, I promise).

“90s BXTCH” stood out to me this month because of how utterly Kkuma it is -- she’s basically pioneered the 90′s aesthetic in the Korean music industry and she knows that with a song like this, from the descriptions of classic 90′s aesthetics and imagery to the way this song sounds like it could have been ahead of its time during its release in 1996. The chorus references “Sade,” though I’m not entirely sure if it’s referring to the solo artist or the band she was in that was named after her -- either way, Sade is a 90′s icon known for her soulful vocals and unique style, and Kkuma mirrors that in 2019 in a way that is indescribable. It’s a perfect allusion.

As the single description states, the track is an ambitious mix of 90′s R&B and contemporary hip-hop, and it works so beautifully, showing that old trends really never die because they always come back in one way or another. Kkuma makes it clear through this song that while she’s a simple woman, she isn’t basic; she enjoys the finer things in life but they’re not all she cares about. The song has an underlying message about being true to yourself no matter what everyone else is doing, and also that it’s a beautiful life when you mind your own business and do things your own way. The seamless blend of vocals and rap is done so well that it’s nearly undetectable when she’s switching from one to another, and I love that this woman literally has no rules when she puts out a song -- that she can do whatever she wants and still make something incredible.

The beat of the song is just as relaxed and confident as the lyrics, and given that Kkuma writes and produces her own music, I’m not surprised by this, though I am impressed by how in-tune she is with her own aesthetic and her own music. Kkuma prioritizes aesthetics a lot in both her visuals and sound, and “90s BXTCH” is like the final boss as all of that culminates and she shows you exactly who she is and what she’s about in just one song. It takes strength, confidence, and self-awareness for an artist to do that, and Kkuma’s got all of that and more. I really hope to see this included on a future album of the same caliber.

Listen to “90s BXTCH” here and stream the music video here.

#001. “DUSK V. DAWN (황혼 대 새벽)” - REISSUE ALBUM BY NINEBANG (나인뱅) RELEASE DATE: 03 MAY 2019

If you’ve spent more than five minutes on my blog at any given time after NINEBANG’s debut in May of last year, this probably is no surprise to you. Especially when his age bracket and status as a rookie is considered, NINEBANG is one of the best artists out there right now, and the best male vocalist in the industry, by far. I was elated to see that his second mini-album “Eclipse” was being repackaged into a full-length album, and boy am I satisfied with the new material sprinkled into an already-great work.

Whenever K-pop artists do repackage albums, I get a bit nervous that they’re either going to add bland remixes or re-hash the same song structure they had in the initial release, or completely destroy the synergy of the original release, if it had any to begin with. As much as I admire NINEBANG, I couldn’t evade those worries with him, and I was pleasantly proven wrong as the new material fits like a glove among the original material in terms of themes and structure. Whoever arranged this tracklist deserves a gold medal, as I especially appreciated how the new songs weren’t just tacked onto the end like an afterthought.

So, that considered I want to exclusively focus on the new material, as I reviewed “Eclipse” in the past. The songs I have selected to pitch to you are, of course “WANT”, “Artistic Groove”, and “Nightdrive.”

Starting with the title track, “WANT” is perhaps the best of this dark, sultry image NINEBANG is exploring with both this album and it’s initial release. It’s a contemporary R&B and Pop hybrid, drawing the listener into NINEBANG’s sultry charms and powerful yet versatile voice. The lyrics are actually pretty simple and somewhat repetitive, but the way they are delivered makes this song the great listen that it is. I actually recommend you watch live performances of this song, too, because they are really something. I’ve never been a good dancer but watching someone not only outsing the industry but move so fluidly while doing so is beyond my realm of understanding. Anyway, “WANT” does its job to make you horny but it also incites this sense of curiosity in the listener, too; like the feeling you get when you know you’re about to indulge in a sinful pleasure but you wonder what the consequences will actually be, and if they’ll even be worth worrying over in comparison to the pleasure itself. This song spells out temptation with bold letters between NINEBANG’s seductive vocals and the spell-like lyrics. It’s not a listen for the faint of heart, but it’s a great song by a great artist, and that’s always worth your time.

Next is “Artistic Groove,” and if you thought “WANT” was a little dirty, we’re just getting started. This song is packed with innuendos and suggestive tones, to the point where my eyebrows were almost flying off my face the entire time I was listening to it. It’s so good, though; the way he lays out his sexuality and sensuality for the listener to explore. It, in turn, can make the listener feel confident and sexy, on top of being the kind of song you just have to move to. It makes a fleeting attraction feel like something deep and profound, like the excuses you make in your head before a hookup, and while that can be a little dangerous for the weak-willed (like me), it’s the kind of unapologetic self-expression and view into the artist’s mind that I like to see in music. I like to know that I’m listening to a person sometimes, and not some untouchable god, as much life as that can give me, too.

Finally, let’s end this segment right by talking about Nightdrive. I actually wasn’t sure how I felt about this song the first time I listened to it, but it grew on me by the second time, and by the third, I was belting out the chorus to my neighbours’ dismay. This track features another great vocalist, June of GEMINI, who you may remember from last months’ TMIM post. I can tell these two are friends because they work together really well; their singing styles are pretty different and wouldn’t work together in even a slightly different setting, but they made them work in this suave R&B track about a blossoming attraction in the confined space of a car. The way the verses and bridge build up to the loud and funky chorus via both the lyrical structure and the arrangement of the song itself is so smooth and easy on the ears, while it simultaneously builds anticipation in your chest, and I really enjoy getting invested in a song like that. Their chemistry is really what makes this listen so enjoyable, because I honestly feel as though if anyone else released this song, it wouldn’t have been that great. It just goes to show how specific music can be.

Listen to “Dusk V. Dawn (황혼 대 새벽)” here and stream its music videos here and here.

This concludes May’s installment of “This Month in Music”! I hope you found something new or learned to appreciate something you may not have before through these recommendations. Please remember to support the artists by visiting their respective links, and enjoy their music legally. Also, be sure to tell me about your own recommendations from this month in the comments, and feel free to respectfully discuss any of the points I’ve made here, whether you agreed or disagreed.

Love always, see you next month! ♡

#r: multi #s: tmim #a: etude♡#a: charli xcx #a: lizzo #a: carly rae jepsen #a: kkuma #a: ninebang

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 8 years ago

Text

Hunting Ground (Part 5)

Summary: Things come to a head as reader finds out if Dean is her killer or not...

Teaser Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Pairing: suspect!Dean x cop!reader

Word Count: 2,800ish

Warnings: language, murder

A/N: Oh, so much in this part. Enjoy!...

The local police were off to go confiscate your files back from Dean the next morning while you went out to explore a hunch. You thought the first victim being killed at the motel was because the killer couldn’t contain themselves. A map of the area gave a different answer. The pinpricks of the the cabins were very suspiciously starting to spell out something. Whether it was Dean being cocky or someone else setting him up, you had an idea at the very least of what area the next cabin would be in.

“Oh, how I missed you piece of crap,” you said after getting your car back with new tires. You hadn’t minded the walking but having a fast means of escape was always a plus. The local police were aware of your plan for the day but even so, you were on your own out there.

It was around two by the time you’d gotten to the last cabin to check. The others were a bust, nothing out of the ordinary there. When you saw Dean’s truck by the side of the road you smiled sadly.

You'd really been hoping he wasn’t going to be the bad guy.

You didn’t even get up the path to the cabin before you heard someone behind you. One arm wrapped around you as the other came over your mouth, your gun cut off from your grasp.

“Y/N, quiet!” Dean whispered in your ear. “Listen to-”

He fell over when you kicked him in the groin. Even in his pain he reached out for your ankle. You shook him off and hit him again, reaching for your phone to call for backup but finding it missing. You spun around and saw it lying on the ground, cracked and broken.

“Shit,” you said as it wouldn’t turn on. Dean started to get up but you gave him a solid hit to the face, giving you enough time to take off and run back to your car.

You were so focused on getting out of there it never occurred to you that you should have tied Dean up. A pair of strong hands grabbed at you again, forceful and painful this time. You felt one move away and smack your head against the side of the tree, making you slump down. You tried to go for your gun but you felt it be ripped away, just as you received another impact that put you down for good.

“Ow,” you groaned, waking up in a chair. You glanced around, trying to get your bearings when you saw a man in front of you.

“Hello Y/N,” he said, smiling at you. “I bet you’re surprised to see me here.”

“Well I guess Dean can tell me ‘I told you so’ the next time I see him,” you said, shifting in your seat. You could get out of the ropes around your wrists with some time but you were going to have to wait to be alone for that. “Any chance you want to let me go and tell me who you are?”

“You know, all those other women asked me to let them go too. Why do you think you’re any different?” he said, leaning against a wall, looking over you in a way you’d have nightmares about for a long time.

“My charming personality?” you asked, tilting your head, giving him a cocky smile he enjoyed.

“You’ve been hanging out with Dean. I’m pretty sure he likes you,” said the man, taking a step over to you. “I think you like him too, am I right?”

“Oh yeah, me and Dean are besties,” you said, recalling how you’d beaten him up when he’d only been trying to protect you.

“I did this because, Dean and I, we’re one in the same. Both lonely, both just looking for someone. But none of you stupid women ever go for me. I’m not handsome like him. I get it. But Dean, he has potential. I’m just trying to get him to understand that. I thought for sure he would have seen it after Jo but-”

“Hold up. You’re saying you want Dean to be your serial killer prodigy?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“If you want to put it that way, yes, that’s what I want. But he’s testing my patience. I mean, I found him after all those months, all the way out here. I even made the one at the motel the girl he’d been with that night. He’s just not getting it and I’m getting sick of his shit,” said the man, kneeling down in front of you.

“Wow. You are a whole other level of nutjob buddy,” you said, earning a glare from him. “I might not know Dean that well but he is not like you at all.”

“I’m scared that you’re right about that. I thought maybe if I took you...he likes you. He doesn’t need you though, he needs me-”

“And you need a trip to the looney bin,” you said. “How about you make this simple. Let me go, I take you in and you can have all the imaginary friends you want in your cell.”

“You’re sassy. I haven’t had a sassy one yet,” he said, standing up. He patted your head and you winced as he hit the cut there. He turned and walked away out the door before popping back a second later. He sat the water bottle down and you growled. “I’m going to guess you already know what’s in there then. I’ll be back soon.”

He shut the door and you heard him lock up, leaving you alone in the empty room. About ten minutes and some rope burn later you were free, walking around, inspecting the door. No way in Hell would you ever drink out of that bottle. The door was solid. Maybe if you had an axe you could cut it down but that wasn’t happening. You spun around to inspect the boarded up window. If it’d been on the inside, you could have dug the nails out possibly but you had no access to the exterior. The ceiling wasn’t sheetrock like you’d hoped but instead was solid wood planks.

“Fuck,” you said, sitting down in your chair. Maybe you didn’t have a way out but you did have something to fight back with. You stood and picked up the solid chair, doing your best to raise it overhead and slam it against the ground. It took a few tries but eventually it splintered and you had a nice, sharp stick to go at him when he got back.

All you had to do now was wait.

Waiting as it turned out though was fucking boring. You started mentally examining the room, figuring out what to put in your report, imagining that the layout of this cabin was likely similar to the others. You’d want to go left down the hall and not right as that’d be a dead end. It was unlikely that he’d been stupid enough to take you into the cabin you’d been heading up to but if you were lucky you’d only be a half mile from the road.

The sound of footsteps outside the door made you duck to the side. You hadn’t expected him back this fast. The lock was undone and clicked into place, the door handle turning and slowly opening. The second you saw a hand step into view you pounced.

You drove your arm forward, hoping to plunge it into your killer. A hand caught your wrist when you were in an inch away from hitting your mark. But they were too focused on not being stabbed that they stumbled back with you right on top. You had enough leverage now to push down and do the job but the wide green eyes staring back made you hesitate.

“Don’t stab me ya little...” said Dean. Your pants mixed with his as he released you. You moved off him and he sat up, digging behind his back and pulling out a gun. You recognized it as he handed it over. “It was on the counter in the kitchen. Figured you wanted it back.”

“Are you working with him?” you asked, getting to your feet. Dean ran his hands over his face as he gave you probably the best bitch face of his life. “Just one more question. Why’d you steal-”

“I wanted to know the progress on the case. I came to the same conclusion as you about the cabins after looking at the files. Arrest me for stealing them if you want. I don’t know how many times I have to say it, Y/N,” said Dean, standing up. “I-”

“You’re not my guy,” you said. “A little bit of a law skirter but not a psychopath.”

“You don’t have any idea how it feels to have someone believe me after all this time,” he said, walking towards the exit.

“Leave first, talk later,” you said, brushing past him. “The one with the gun is in front too babe.”

“After you sweetheart,” said Dean, hot on your tail as you quickly left. Dean’s hand was on the small of your back once outside, guiding you down a path you wouldn’t have chosen on your own but realizing there was a lot of cover to get away unseen. Dean started pushing you in another direction and you followed, eventually finding his dark colored truck hidden away. In a minute’s time you were on the road, releasing a deep breath. “You alright? You’re hurt.”

“Sorry for beating the shit out of you,” you said, spotting the red raw scrape on Dean’s cheek. He shrugged but smiled.

“We’re good. Please don’t do it again though. Not sure I could survive another one of your ass kickings,” he said, reaching over a hand and wiping away a piece of hair. “You got a first aid kit at your motel? We should really clean that up.”

“Let’s stop there so I can write up a report of what this guy looks like,” you said. Dean nodded and sped back to town, coming with you in your room as you you went to the bathroom to look yourself over.

“Your files are in my truck. Want me to bring them in?” he asked from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, I’m going to clean this up,” you said, dabbing a towel and wiping some dried blood from your cheek. “I’ll clean up your cheek in a minute.”

“I’m a big boy, I can do it,” he said, a smile in his voice.

“Dean...” you said.

“Alright, you win,” he said. “I’ll be out here.”

You winced as your fingers ran over the fresh gash, listening to Dean move the boxes inside before it went quiet. Maybe he’d see something you didn’t about where this guy would be hiding out. You washed your hands and put some alcohol over the cut, sticking a bandaid over it for the time being. Your cheek was a little red but you couldn’t do much about that.

“Dean, maybe we should...” you said, stepping out to the room to see him nowhere in sight. You opened the door and walked outside, Dean’s truck still parked out front. You wandered around the back, no sign of him apart from a broken taillight you didn’t remember being there and a tiny drop of blood on the back door. “Shit.”

You pulled out your phone to call the locals but no one answered. You tried again but nothing. You went to Officer Barnes’ cell, getting an answer that time thankfully.

“Where the Hell are you guys!” you yelled, opening Dean’s driver side door, fishing around until you found a spare key in the overhead visor.

“There was a fifth victim, way up north. We’re about seventy, eighty miles out. Is there a situation?” he asked.

“Yeah there’s a fucking situation. The killer is in town and I’m pretty sure he just kidnapped Dean Winchester after I got away from him earlier. We need backup here. Now,” you said. You heard him shout at the other officers. This was exactly what he’d wanted. Everyone out of town so there was no one to stop him.

“Officer Y/L/N, do not-”

“I’m going to Dean Winchester’s and praying to God he isn’t dead yet,” you said. “Tell my boss he can reprimand me later.”

You hung up before he tried to talk you out of it and climbed into Dean’s truck, gunning it back onto the road. You didn’t care about being subtle or quiet or that shit was about to go down. You weren’t going to abandon Dean, not after everyone else had.

It took no time at all to pull up to his house and approach the open front door, gun drawn. Dean was in full view in what looked like one of his kitchen chairs, a little out of it and sporting another swollen cheek but otherwise okay. He spotted you and shook his head, mouthing for you to go.

You shook yours back and gave him a fast smile. Dean glanced to the side and you heard footsteps as the killer came into view. You stepped inside, surprised to see the man looking rather pleased with the situation.

“Told you your incentive would be along any minute,” said the man, patting Dean’s head. Dean snapped at him as you barked at them both.

“On your knees asshole,” you said. He simply smiled and looked over to the clock on Dean’s wall. “Knees. Now.”

“Oh, someone’s getting on their knees but it ain’t me, Y/N,” he said. You took a step forward and glanced quickly to Dean who didn’t understand either. “I’m thinking the excitement is keeping you from feeling it but why don’t you take a second to collect yourself for my sake.”

“I said...” you said, shaking your head. Oh fuck no. You tried to keep your arms up but the gun in your hands suddenly felt too heavy and sitting down was a much better option. Dean’s eyes went wide as you tried to stay on your feet, the gun taken from your grasp with barely any effort at all.

“Sorry for the drugging. Figured you’d get out and lead me right to Dean. Couldn’t risk you being a little firecracker and saving the day,” he said, pulling your arms behind your back.

“Let him go,” you said, holding up your head, looking to Dean to see if he had a plan. He only looked on in horror, probably thinking this was his fault.

“Alright,” said the killer when you were restrained, even if running or even walking weren’t options for you at the moment. “It’s simple guys. Dean, you’re going to confess and come with me,” he said. “Y/N, you’re going to come with me if Dean doesn’t.”

“You’re going to kill her either way,” said Dean, giving him a dark smile. “You could work on your incentives dickhead.”

“You need to stop being such a...why couldn’t you see your potential Dean? We could have been such a good team, be there for each other,” he said, putting his hands on Dean’s shoulders.

“You are really fucking nuts, you know that?” said Dean, earning himself a blow to the face.

“I wanted a friend. If you won’t be it, then she’ll do,” he said, looking down at you.

“You’re out of your damn mind if you ever think-”

“I’m not asking. One of you is leaving here with me and the other goes free. Well free in the sense that you’ll be confessing. Now who is it going to be?” he said, looking between the two of you.

“I know he’s innocent you scumbag,” you said. “We aren’t doing-”

You jumped when you heard the gun go off, Dean groaning and dropping his head.

“That looks nasty. Probably want to apply some pressure to that Dean,” said the killer, walking over and grabbing your arm.

“No! Put me down!” you shouted as he picked you up, nothing under his strong grip. Dean shouted again and you saw just how bad he was. He needed a hospital and fast.

“Y/N,” he grunted. “Don’t let this guy get away. Just do that for me, okay?”

“Bye Dean. Maybe Y/N will be a little more willing than you ever were,” said the killer, pulling you out the front door and over to Dean’s truck.

“I will never hurt people like that,” you said, finding yourself tossed in the back.

“Everyone has a breaking point, Y/N. Everyone,” he said, throwing a blanket over you and shutting the trunk.

You could only hope that he would screw up and you’d find a chance to get away. Or at the very least the police would find Dean before it was too late.

A/N: Read Part 6 here!

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