#i saw a blazed post asking ppl about what they want to see

[spitblaze]

I am once again encouraging you to play Psychonauts

[emmyrosee]

hiya emmy! im sky and i rlly liked ur writing! i saw ur post and wanted to request smth :) uh.. so i kinda feel like i cant show my true self to anyone, like the people around me, even my family only see parts of my real personality. for example, my parents see my goofy and studious side, but dont see my side where i rlly like anime, and my friend group see my studious bright side but dont see the side where im a fangirl by heart. so, i wanted to request a bakusquad and reader, mostly kaminari x reader (hes my comfort character) where the reader has different personalities around ppl, like being quiet and shy around others and adults, being nice and caring around most ppl, and kaminari notices this? and he tries to make the reader comfortable and as the reader grows closer to the bakusqaud aka. kaminari’s friends, the reader becomes more open with them, showing them their real self. tysm for writing rlly good stuff that make my day!! have a good day and stay healthy!! :D -sky

Hey hey hey sky!! Glad to have you here!! You should definitely feel free to be your true self bc you sound awesome!! Don’t feel like you need to keep what makes you happy hidden, because who cares if they don’t like it? Enjoyment is free baby, and as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others, go off and do your thing!! 🥹❤️

On to the piece!

-

You were…. Different, to say the least.

Not in a “mysterious” kind of way, or at least not that Kaminari could see; you just seemed to chameleon with whoever you came into contact with.

And that’s fine, he’s seen Shinsou do it nearly every day they hang out together. He knows better than to press or question it, but he does think it’s an interesting way to go about it.

With Shinsou, it’s very consistent- he’s stoic and snappy when he’s with others, snorty and great at video games with his friends.

That doesn’t seem to be quite the case for you.

Instead, since you’re new to the group, you seem to code with everyone; with Kaminari himself, you’re bubbly, giggling at everything he says and loud in the best ways, extremely affectionate and always nudging him for attention. Kirishima has you at your most reassuring, validating each other and never letting one be defeated. Sero has you going on adventures to the gas station at ungodly hours of the night. Mina gets to see the more reactive side of you, be it from online window shopping or whatever you’re watching, and Bakugou seems to have the part of you that loves silence and anime and his island in animal crossing, and the few times Kaminari has interrupted said hangout, you’ve been so far from the bubbliness he’s used to seeing from you and in a new wash of calm.

Teachers have you at your most studious, always so quick to offer help and an answer to questions, never short to volunteer yourself.

It’s definitely not bad, far from it! He admires it about you… but he does wonder who you really are, what part of you is the most present when you let it be known.

He wants to think it’s the bubbly, loving one you’ve given him the privilege of dating, but lately he’s not so sure. You’ve been mixing up the codes, and while he doesn’t mind at all, you seem to.

You’ve distanced yourself from it, from the group and from him; and after months of Kaminari working up every last nerve and pickup line to have you on his arm, he’s not about to let that slip.

And by the graces of whatever gods’ watch from above, it’s not just him that notices either; almost everyone in the squad asks him where you run off to (save for Bakugou, though Kaminari sees the way his head turns quickly when your whereabouts are questioned.)

It’s comforting to know they want you present just as bad as he does.

It’s also comforting that Sero knows your dorm code- look, Denki tried to remember, but he forgets, okay, he’s not a bad guy for that, Mina- and has no shame in blazing into your room like a man on a mission.

Good thing you weren’t sleeping. Or naked, Kaminari thinks in relief.

“Friend meeting,” Sero announces, barging into your room with no other warning. It makes you jump up in bed with a scream, but once you realize it’s just the squad, you scoff and hide under the covers.

“I’m not in the mood.”

“It’ll be quick.”

With a whimper, you burrow deeper under the sheets, and Kaminari gently rests on the bed, hand gently easing over your back to calm you. “We just wanted to check in on you... I... like, we haven’t seen you in a while.”

When you poke your eyes out from the sheets, they quickly scan over the hurt expressions of the group, and the absolutely heart broken one of Kaminari, his golden pools curling up in worry.

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” you grumble, sitting up and scooting towards the corner of your bed. You do reach for Kaminari’s hand to hold, fiddling with his fingers softly. “Is it impossible to imagine I could want some space?”

“You’ve ditched me like, three times,” Bakugou snaps. “The last time we hung out, you got all nervous and dipped. Nice try, though.”

You shift softly in the sheets, “you clearly didn’t want me there-”

“Don’t assume shit I don’t say, dumbass!”

“As much as it pains me to side with bombshell hair,” Sero sighs, promptly shushing Bakugou’s offended snarling, “you’ve been distant with me too. At first I just thought you didn’t want to chill with me anymore, but then everyone kind felt like something was up.”

“Even when we were hanging out,” Mina says softly, crossing her arms almost protectively. “You made a joke I didn’t hear, then you apologized and snuck out of the room.” She shakes her head gently, “and I don’t ever want you to feel unwelcome in my room but you don’t have to feel pressured to hang out with us, we just-”

“You just don’t get it!” You snap, making everyone flinch back in surprise. “You’re just being dramatic! I haven’t been ignoring anyone, or distant, or-”

“We didn’t mean to make you upset,” Kaminari says softly, cutting off your ranting. He looks sad, like you’ve kicked him, and it puts you in even more of a crisis. “I was... we were just worried about you. It came from a good place, but ‘m sorry we made you upset.”

You give him a shaky sigh, “you didn’t, I just...” you gnaw at your lip while concerned eyes glaze your face. “There’s nothing wrong with me acting one way or another when I spend time with you all.”

A chorus of ‘totally!’’s and ‘of course!’’s fill the air, and your waterline swells with stabbing tears because their eyes still bore into yours for answers because they clearly still don’t get it-

“I just don’t feel the need to be 100% myself all the time when you clearly already like the company I give.”

“But why do you feel the need to hide any percent of yourself?”

“Because!”

“Because why?”

“Because what if you don’t like the real me all the time!”

This, now, has the whole room quiet, Kaminari’s heart aching for putting you on the spot. You look like you want to cry in embarrassment, but your hands stay clenched and bottom lip wobbling.

“Oh, sweetie,” Mina whispers, standing up and quickly making her way next to you. Her head rests on your shoulder lovingly, and you sniffle and lean your own head against hers.

“Of course we’ll like the real you,” Kirishima assures.

“I mean, we adore the you that you show each of us,” Sero adds, smiling encouragingly. “The only thing better is knowing that you’re giving us all of you.”

“You know I’m gonna adore you,” Kaminari promises, creeping next to you and gently knocking his head against yours. You offer him a choked laugh before threading your fingers through his hair, letting him nuzzle against you fondly. “The only one who might not is Bakugou.”

“You leave me out of this,” he grumbles. “I deal with the rest of you idiots, one more ain’t gonna kill me.”

A Bakugou Katsuki way of saying “I’ll still want to hangout with you; no matter what.”

You give them all a shaky sigh before curling closer to Denki, tucking your face in his neck. He quickly wraps his arms around you, as if protecting you from your own worst judgements.

“You’re just saying that,” you whimper. His nose nuzzles into the crown of your head, gently rocking you both back and forth.

“We’re not,” Kirishima promises, kneeling down in a hopes to get into your eye line. “There’s a side of you we’re all used to, sure… but there’s so many other parts to you we’d kill to see.”

“And who cares if we don’t?” Bakugou scoffs; it causes everyone in the group to glare at him briefly, and he rolls his eyes, “don’t give me that look! Do you know how freeing that shit will be? That you don’t have to worry about what others “want” to see from you? You ain’t gonna lose us, so you may as well just be the person you want to be, whenever you want to be.”

Slowly, you sit up, letting his words sink in and settle inside your sinking heart. It does make a small spark of hope become alight, and with a small smile, you nod at him. 

“Surprisingly, that was probably the most reassuring thing I’ve heard,” you chuckle.

Denki plants a kiss to your pounding head, the action soothing the ache briefly. “Who coulda guessed Kacchan would be the most comforting of us?” He teases, and you watch with a string of laughter as Bakugou’s shoulders hike defensively.

“Watch your mouth,” he snaps. “Don’t make me regret the whole ‘kindness’ shit.”

“Might think you’re growing soft on me, Bakugou,” you tease.

“Not soft for any one of you assholes! This is why I’m never nice to you dickheads!”

“You liiiiike me.”

“I DO NOT!”

It was obvious to everyone, however, that with all the thoughts laid out and Katsuki being the one to read right through you, there has to be even a little bit of affection in that head of his.

Affection for all sides of you- from all of them.

[mellointheory]

I posted 23,594 times in 2021

4298 posts created (18%)

19296 posts reblogged (82%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.5 posts.

I added 3,886 tags in 2021

#mello asks - 1287 posts

#punz - 745 posts

#mello liveblogs - 553 posts

#awesamdude - 302 posts

#antfrost - 272 posts

#ponk - 183 posts

#foolish gamers - 174 posts

#vgumiho - 143 posts

#velvetiscake - 135 posts

#badboyhalo - 92 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#also it's so funny to me the idea that sapnap and quackity literally had no idea that they were soulmates because they both have black hair

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

ppl be like "i need to watch a based streamer who calls out their chat whenever theyre dumb and doesnt have an audience of eleven year olds" like sneegsnag isnt right there

2433 notes • Posted 2021-07-26 21:47:50 GMT

#4

I think one of the most interesting things about Arcane was that, for an action tv show, it surprisingly managed to go without glorifying that violence.

There's a tendency of action media to lean into the fight scenes, to let us glorify in the violence. Look what they can do, look what they can be. And Arcane had those moments, of course, but it never let us dwell on them. Even in the first episode, every single time a blow was struck it told us that was inherently a tragedy. The first fight takes place and we cheer for our heroes until we take a look from Jinx's eyes and see she's horrified by the violence. That's why all the blood and bruises and broken teeth in the show mean so much, because the camera stops and makes us look.

The only fight that managed to stay calm and smooth all the way through was the Firelight's first attack on the blimp, before Jinx came out with guns blazing. And they were, notably, not there to fight. They came in fast, immobilized the hostiles without trying to harm them, and focused on the Shimmer. That wasn't a fight, it was a prevention. And it was the only one that managed not to carry that taint of tragedy.

The Jinx and Ekko fight was a battle between two champions with amazing abilities and an upbeat soundtrack. We were hyped for it, we adored it. And then it shows us the two of them as children, different shots juxtaposing the man and woman each of them became with the round-faced child that they used to be. When Ekko has Jinx on the ground at his mercy, face bleeding and eyes panicked, we can't glory in it. Because he stops to realize that this used to be his friend, and so do we. There was no triumph in that fight. He won, he faltered, and she blew them both up.

Jayce and Vi's fight was what we'd always been waiting for: the final use of Hextech in a battle. And it broke his heart. He killed a child there. When Vi announced she was keeping the gauntlets any lesser show would have had them fight, just to have the demonstration. Look at them, they're powerful, look at what they can do against each other. Instead Arcane had him walk away.

Even in the final moments of the episode, we never got the Vi vs. Jinx fight. Because that was her sister and there was no violence there, only grief. It was about love and family and being able to heal something that was broken and finding out that no, she couldn't fix it. Violence wasn't what either of them wanted and of course it's not what we got.

For an action series to demonstrate over and over that once it comes to blows, no one wins...it's shocking to me how they managed to do that. But time and time again we saw characters come to blows and our hearts broke every time.

2546 notes • Posted 2021-11-24 15:53:34 GMT

#3

We now have solid confirmation of c!Ant's motivations for joining the Eggpire. I think I might cry.

Red "exists or existed"

If there is a backstory where Red is fucking dead and Antfrost joined the Egg because it promised to bring back his boyfriend, I'm going to fucking lose my shit.

Transcript below the cut.

I donoed asking if c!Ant was canonically single, or if some version of Red existed in dsmp canon.

Antfrost: I don't know quite what's happening with lore--I've tried to hint--I've tried to do some hints. I will say, I've tried to do some hints, lore-wise, that Red exists in some way, either exists or existed, but I don't really know because he's not on the SMP and I don't know if he's getting added or not because that's up to Dream entirely and, you know, who knows. I've tried to hint at it, I've tried to hint at it. I don't know if anybody saw, at the banquet I, um, I added a little cake. Um...basically what I was trying to do there--I'm just gonna explain the character--I was going to try to hint that that like, the Egg's promise to me and the reason that I was following it was because the Egg was promising me Red. Uhm...which obviously...

*dono noise*

That was why I added the cake. I don't know how many people picked up on that, that was why I added the cake. I mean, it was pretty obvious, but you know.

2902 notes • Posted 2021-06-08 05:21:12 GMT

#2

people who think techno broke dream out of prison because they're friends are so fucking funny. dream was in prison for ten months and techno gave zero shits. ranboo goes to prison and techno leads a jailbreak literally the next day. that shit's hilarious.

2975 notes • Posted 2021-11-29 19:47:14 GMT

#1

Actually there's no way the egg is Velvet because according to Tommy the egg said "MMMMMM EGG LIKE PUSSY" but on the other hand. That sounds like something Velvet would actually say.

4433 notes • Posted 2021-04-04 13:30:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[queer-starling]

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?  

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert 

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u  

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? 

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao. 

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today. 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT 

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal   

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.  

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink 

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better  

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her 

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there. 

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH) 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? 

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters 

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess? 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up 

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

:/

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

[superleeleehipster]

I haven’t said much in regards to recent spoilers and what will happen tonight during the finale b/c, if I’m honest, everybody has basically said exactly what I think about this new development and what it could possibly mean about our favorite couple.

But before the episode airs (I know it was leaked but I’m just going to wait until it airs tonight to watch it b/c my wifi sucks), I just figured I’d throw in my two cents into this already blazing inferno that is now the Caryl fandom once again.

Spoilers and thoughts on thangs below the cut...

From what I’ve heard both from TSDF as well as the folks who’ve already watched it, I’m actually very excited about this episode and what it’ll mean for Caryl. I know I wouldn’t be the only one to admit that, when the Carzekiel spoilers first came out, I was pissed off and much of my hope for Angela K to bring my favorite show back was shot down (not all of it, but quite a bit of it). Now with what is going to happen in the finale, I see now that it was supposed to be written this way because it was supposed to come full circle.

And I will humbly admit, that it seems to be one of the best written arcs/circles between two characters I’ve ever seen in this show...

Now in regards to the Carzekiel relationship, after recent spoilers, it pretty much confirmed to me all of the arguments that we have been saying all this time. That relationship was safe, it was convenient, it was normal, things that Carol had wanted for a while. But the catalyst of that relationship has always been Henry. Henry helped Carol through her self torture from the last few seasons by showing her that she can keep him safe and that he is worth trying to save. That she shouldn’t turn a blind eye and push him away. She couldn’t help but fall in love with that kid, so she moved to the Kingdom after Henry had asked if she could move there. And with the motherly bond she had made with Henry, it was a no brainer to allow a relationship to form between her and Ezekiel b/c he’s Henry’s adopted father.

In the early part of this season, we saw how Carol wasn’t really into the idea of marrying Zeke. But it is only when, after she glances at Henry, that she decides to put the ring on her finger. She doesn’t do it for herself and Ezekiel, she does it for Henry more than anything. She wanted to give Henry what she couldn’t give Sophia, and that was a loving family with a good life. She did what she sought to do with Tobin, which was create as normal of a life as you could in the zombie apocalypse by playing house and raising a child with a loving husband and father. That was the dream she had that I’m sure she had wanted for Sophia but her biological father was nothing more than a sperm donor who abused her mother. With Henry, she was able to live that dream for the both of them. 

Was she ever in love with Ezekiel? I’m sure she was in some way, but I don’t think it was a soulmate kind of love, especially with what will happen in 9x16. I think she wanted to fulfill that dream within herself of wanting the normal life she never had, and give it to Henry b/c Sophia never got it. I also think she in some ways became secondary to Ezekiel b/c she just wanted to make him happy. The Carol we knew wouldn’t waste time, energy, or ppl over a lightbulb for a movie, but she did it b/c she knew it was Ezekiel’s positivity and dream that was at stake. She changed some of herself to accommodate his dreams, and she settled as well. So that’s why it’s not so much of a shocker that the moment Henry was killed, it popped their blissfully ignorant bubble that Carzekiel had created for themselves. It was an extremely heavy dose of reality, and because of the loss of that catalyst, their marriage crumbled very quickly. 

Now keep in mind I’m not saying that the death of the child equals the death of the marriage, far from it. I personally know real life couples who’ve lost kids via miscarriages, stillbirths, or accidents past the womb, and every single one of them had held each other up and became stronger with each other. In Carzekiel’s case, however, we can see partially why their relationship in particular had disintegrated. 

Carol wasn’t confiding in Ezekiel, and instead, confiding in the man whom she would deem as her best friend. Some could argue it was b/c she didn’t want to put even more pain on Ezekiel b/c he was the coparent in all this, and some could say it’s because she didn’t feel comfortable enough talking to him about it. We may never know for certain. But considering how jealous Ezekiel seems to be about Carol confiding in Daryl instead of him makes me question why she wouldn’t go to Ezekiel in the first place. Obviously the man wants her to talk to him but she’s not, so it does make you wonder if she trusts him or feels comfortable enough to do so. Which brings a whole new list of questions as to how strong their relationship was IN GENERAL b/c you would think she would feel confident enough to talk to him after being together with the man for 7 years, but hey, I’m no relationship expert...

Anyways, I find it interesting that Carol would rather speak to Daryl about her woes, and I find it very interesting the differences in how both men interact/react in regards to Carol. Ezekiel has always been a bit forceful when it comes to Carol. Not in a horrible abusive/Ed kind of way, just more of a manipulative way. He never let her be in S7 even when she asked him not to come, and kept hounding her to marry him even when she said no initially. In 9x16, he apparently speaks for her as he’s telling Daryl that he shouldn’t stay in Hilltop, that he’d rather spend some alone time with Carol. That manipulative tendency comes out full force when he tries to use Daryl’s own emotions against him to try and convince him to not stay at Hilltop.

Daryl on the other hand, questioned him immediately and asked “is that what Carol wants?”. Same situation when Daryl and Carol spoke at the Sanctuary, where Daryl (that amazingly selfless and precious man) wants whatever Carol wants to happen, happen. Her happiness is above his, first and foremost. If she tells him she wants to stay in Hilltop and he needs to leave ASZ so she could work on her marriage, you bet your ass Daryl would swallow his pride and do it because that’s what kind of man he is. He loves her unconditionally, which means he will do anything for her in spite of his own personal pain. That’s the amazing difference between the two men that Carol could see right away. Daryl will do anything for her happiness, and Ezekiel will do anything for his own happiness. 

So Carol decides to end things with Ezekiel because 1) he was being an ass to her best friend, and 2) she knew that she needed to do some healing and she couldn’t do it with Ezekiel. That latter reason is very significant to me b/c of that conversation she had with Zeke in S8. How she credited the ppl she was with for saving her after Sophia died and that she could come back again and again if she had to. But her decision to end things with Ezekiel tells me she knows she might not come back if she stays with him. All the same that she knows that she could heal and recuperate from this recent trauma by staying with Daryl and TF. She chose Daryl over Ezekiel b/c she knows that it will help her in the end. They may not be canon yet but holy jesus that speaks for itself how strong the Carzekiel ship itself actually was. 

I know someone else had mentioned this before (I think it was you @silversundown2) that it is more powerful that Carol had ended the relationship instead of finding Ezekiel’s head on the pike b/c she ended that relationship willingly instead of a death, and I have to agree. What happens in 9x16 feels like both Daryl and Carol come to a full circle. The beginning of the season you find Carol living in her fairytale with Ezekiel, describing it as “really nice” comparatively to her relationship with Ed. Yet she was still hesitant to marry him. It wasn’t until she decided for Henry’s sake to say yes. On the other hand, Daryl was still reeling over the effects of what happened with the Saviors. He didn’t trust them at all, and just wanted to get away and go back to how it was before. Daryl and Carol even had a conversation at the Sanctuary about their woes. 

Fast track to 9x16, and Caryl has another conversation at the Sanctuary, where Carol realizes that what’s best for her is to stay with Daryl and TF at Alexandria, not Ezekiel. And Daryl is going to stay with Lydia b/c he’s taken it upon himself to make sure that she’s okay and to take care of her by going to ASZ w/ TF. Both Daryl and Carol are wanting to take care of Lydia b/c they recognize themselves in her from their own past, and of course she reminds at least Carol of Sophia. Instead of running away from their demons (Carol) or taking out their anger on everything else in a vengeful irrationality (Daryl), we see them decide to go back to where they believe is the best place for both of them to heal, and to help Lydia heal from her traumas as well... 

A FULL CIRCLE

I can go on and on about how this development has basically destroyed all other paths like Miley Cyrus’s wrecking ball and left only one way to go from here, but I think I’ll save that for another post b/c this one is already long enough. 

Caryl on my loves, and enjoy tonight’s episode!!

Gif credit to @lapicesypantones. If you don’t follow her PLEASE DO BECAUSE HER ARTWORK IS BALLS TO THE WALLS AMAZING!!

[ts-indonesia]

Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol? 

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon,  Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!" 

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN!  How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners.  I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top?  There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!!  What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED?  Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!?  how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question.  Alright so first real general confessional of the game here.  I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text.   So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees.  So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community.  Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone.  So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me.  Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection.  Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!!  Chris is such a chill dude.  we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap.  But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont).  So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him.  Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there.  But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care.  But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me.  Not because I know him, or know of him.  But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel?  We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor.   So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked.  which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot.  But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here.   The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me.  My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches.  so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.  

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened.  Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work.  I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei.  Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of.  I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident.  Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now.  I like the number of options I have so far. 

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs.  The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice.  Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids.  Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt.  i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points.  so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight.  Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there.  I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine.  I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same?  even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more.   after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results.  We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority.  Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”.  and then disappears.  We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go.  BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no.  Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go.  that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit.   I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people.  After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember).  But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond.  Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game.  Same goes for Michael and Chris.  I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well.  I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually.  i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them.  I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now.  My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen.  Those are the people i feel most good about.  Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them.  Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot.  and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

[tonyglowheart]

1, 5, 19, 22 for the salty fandom asks

hey, anon, thanks for playing! (….I only realized now just what a can of worms I may be opening, but hashtag yolo, I go down, I go down in a blaze of salty glory I guess)

under a read-more because this…..got long………why am I even so salty why can’t I Chill,,,,,, :’)

[send me more numbers if you want to see more of me being a messy salty windbag lmao :’)]

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Honestly I don’t even consider this an OTP bc I’m so ??? but like….phl/int?? I just. Do not understand. And to this day. Still do not. And yet it’s sUCH a huge one in the fandom???? somehow??????

Honestly I kind of have an idea of some of the impetus but that is something I don’t even want to get into right now lmao.

5.Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

oH BOY, has it 8) 8). e.g. I literally Cannot with st*cky bc of the shit some of the nastier ppl put us (st/ony/tony fans through) back in the day. Like…..I literally had to blacklist bc I cannot even look at them 8) and every time I wanted to find Steve meta it was all st*cky stuff somehow. Plus, there was a time when the prevailing characterization (or at least that I saw) was really REALLY like……codependent and stuff? Like honestly I didn’t even hate/dislike any other ships at first, I even watched Kings just for Seb Stan?? Who I thought was great in it, he’s got a real way of angsting wordlessly that’s really effective. And also benefited him as the Winter Soldier. But like……I have him blacklisted now because I just 8) 8) when I see that/stucky stuff. 

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

the fact that canon is just so *massages temples* like all the time? Like honestly, on one hand I get the whole “ignore canon and enjoy it anyway” dealio, but on the other hand, I actually AM really resentful that I was trying to get into comics RIGHT as there was just…so much shit going on? Like I think one big moment I remember was during AXIS, which is…yikes. and then SIM, which we don’t talk about, which is more yikes? And then idk some other stuff, and incursions and prevailing grimdark culture (like it was all “hah, you thought superheroes would save you? Think again, NO ONE can save ANYONE!” like. c’mon, guys. You still WANT to make money, right?), and then whatever the heck secret wars/battleworld was. And then CWII???? and then Neo-Nazis Everywhere now. So like. y i kes.

and I wasn’t even really around during the first CW, and I’m already incredibly tired of it everywhere, including in MCU. Plus, I feel like Steve has been REALLY getting the short end of the stick with regards to everything. He’s sort of been at the mercy of whoever’s writing, and I kind of get the feeling ppl have just been sublimating their own vision of who the Captain America ideal should be (or subverting it for grimdark ~gritty~ ~realism~) and then extrapolating Steve from that, even though they COULD have done interesting stuff with juxtaposing those standards, Steve’s own moral standards, and maybe the conflict between him being a symbol for people but having his own views and stuff. I only just now in CW feel like I REALLY got a sense of who Steve is as a character, but unfortunately what coalesced is hardly flattering to the character :/

And like……honestly there’s a lot of stuff fandom-side, too. Off hand, I don’t think there’s much I hate about the Stevetony fandom? but I guess in terms of who I think about for that, it’s a specific subset of people I’ve seen around and interacted with or have followed for a bit. Like I haven’t really followed anyone new for a while now. but the marvel fandom at large….like….yike…………..the MCU fandom…… so much yike there. That specific subset of shippers who still think shipping is a great expression of LGBT allyship, who are the ones going “who do people even ship xxx??”, or just like….hating on people lmao.

Another thing I lowkey hate that isn’t necessarily directed at individual ppl is like….when non-Stevetony/tony fans are like “wow why are stevetony/tony fans so hateful/mean, they keep calling Steve a snake” or w.e Like….I get it bc they’re part of, e.g. the stucky fandom, and they’ve had the blessing of only coming into contact with nice ppl and never was on the receiving end of attacks or bullshit. But boy howdy, have Stevetony/Tony fans Been Through Some Shit. There’s a lot of, honestly, hurt there, and part of it is we spent so much time like mild about it and apologetic and we want some turnabout. It’s like that one tumblr post that’s like “fuck anyone who says forgive them ‘for my sake’ I’ve worked hard to hate them,” like for a LONG time, we were like “yes we love Tony, yes we know he’s not perfect, yes we acknowledge his flaws,” like we couldn’t just straight-up say we loved him as a character, we had to caveat it, and it was seen as a perfectly normalized part of the experience, to expect someone to come like “okay but also he’s evil because xxx” and have to be like “yeah okay we acknowledge xxxx but xxx.” Honestly I will fight for the right of ppl to their salt and try to contextualize as much as I can when I see stuff like that. bc you may not know but we haven’t forgotten :’)

There’s also a thing where I can’t tell if they’re in the stevetony fandom or they just….make posts, but those like …. “relatable” shipping posts that I sometimes will see bc mobile will rec it? Like I honestly hate those lmao. I find them cringey and painful to see. (those ones that are like “people think I’m so sweet and innocent but really I’m thinking of my gay ship fucking” or w.e like. maybe at some point I was like “omg same!” but now I’m like “please get this away from my face.” Or those ones where it’s like chat format like “isn’t xx sad?” “yeah isn’t it sad my ship isn’t canon?” or whatever like. D: D: that just makes me nnnoOOOOooooOOOOOooo inside. If you search a smattering of tumblr popular ships in tumb search You Will See Them. like, if you search johnlock destiel sterek or something like that. bc these ppl tag them with a million ship tags)

on that vein, really anyone tagging stuff with like character/ship tags that, imo, really....aren’t so much abt the ship but about themselves? Like, someone tagged their salt ask answer post with the character tags and I had to see someone say they don’t like stevetony and think comics Tony is a dick. Can You Think Before You Goddamn Tag pls and just Not. like ppl who bARELY mention Tony and still tag him in the tags........you realize it’s all going in a page right? it’s not just for your own blog? (but even then, what use is it to your blog when you mostly say “yeah I’ll be talking about him a lot!” but don’t.....actually say much about him.....in your post.............

There is still a lot of tony hating but honestly I’ve got so many ppl blocked now that I see more ppl referencing the antis in the tags (ugh) than I do actually antis anywhere. which honestly also kind of annoys me bc like. I am going into the Tony tag for content on my fave not content on the antis. 

I am just now realizing the original question said “one thing” and I went on about Many Things, so I am cutting myself off now lmao whoops

22.Popular character you hate?

I think honestly the closest is probably Coulson lmao. Like. I just. Don’t see the appeal in him as a character at all. And recently I was watching a bunch of vid compilations for Iron Man and EVERY TIME there was like “and there’s someone else you pissed off. his name is phil” i”m like “:/ :/ but did that part REALLY have to be there??” like sure I get it it’s their vid compilation. But just. What Is The Appeal.

And honestly……I’m kind of :/ about MCU Clint, too? Like, Fraction’s Hawkeye is awesome, but somehow that doesn’t really register as Clint to me. AA’s Clint is fine, but for some reason my mind tends to default to MCU Clint unless there’s further elaboration, and I just :/ :/ >:( re: him.

I also hate Howard but idk if he’s “popular” lol. I seriously hope not 8)

[nekopri]

slbp introduction

@shige-haru and @amigoingbananas tagged me, but tumblr is being a poot and not notifying me ??? Thank youuuu (‘∀’●)♡ Okiii, here we go then..

All are welcome to fill this out!!! You don’t need to be tagged to do it!!!!! @ing your friends helps get it going, but regardless please tag it #helloslbp so it’s easy to find.

1. WHAT GOT YOU INTO SLBP, AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THROWING MONEY AT VOLTAGE?

Twas a blazing hot day in August 2k16 and I was thirsty for some new otome games to successfully ignore my academic duties. So, I just got on some site and they were recommending the game and I was like, yeah sure why not?? (*also me while selling my soul to the Devil* Yeah, sure, why not??) I knew Voltage before from some gree games, and the art seemed nice, so… I actually got fully addicted about a month later, in September haha

Haven’t actually spent any money, because my mama would smack me across the head if she found out I was spending my money on games. And u know, I am broke.

2. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER, AND WHY? WHAT FIRST DREW YOU TO THEM?

 I am in love with Date Masamune??????? Don’t ask me how it happened it just did and here I am???? Actually, I am a liar™, I know how it happened. I was playing the dumb secret tryst and the picture from his MS popped out and I was like “???? I want to kiss him????” basically I’m a shallow bitch lmao, but then I got over myself there but also I got curious, and apparently that’s how I fall for ppl/fictional characters bc the same thing happened with Okita from Destined to love??? I logged into tumblr and started browsing and went to posts +five months ago and somewhere between 1 am and blushing while looking at yet another post I fell in love?? The ES did the job before the MS though.

He’s so sweet??? and kind and gentle??? And he notices the small things and really cares about MC and her well-being?? He made her a lucky charm ffs can u imagine this really powerful person making u a good luck charm bc he doesn’t want you to feel lonely and worried??? I mean, sure, things were kinda awkward at the beginning, but they do get better. The whole romance thing is slow-burn, but that’s why I love it; it feels more natural. The character development!! You can actually feel the difference between the start of the route and the end. I think their relationship is a nice example of just how much can one person make you grow regardless of your relationship with them being platonic or romantic. And he values MC’s opinions!! Even on the things like war/clan despite her coming from a totally different place.

And and and those small intimacies like holding hands and cute kisses and touching foreheads? I am made of soft&cute this is my breathing substrate. And that blush is adorable and his eyes are beautiful and the story broke my heart he didn’t deserve all of that just let him be happy pls. I just, I love him so so much

3. ARE YOU STILL PLAYING THE GAME ITSELF, OR ARE YOU JUST ACTIVE IN FANDOM?

*whispers* Voltage, would you like my organs??? I’ve been playing since the moment I’ve joined and I’ve been sinking deeper and deeper. I wanted to be a casual player, but I have no chill and I’m already too attached to characters? Oops 

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE VOLTAGE FANDOM?

Idk about others, bc I’m active only in the slbp department, but I like how active and open ppl here are. I haven’t seen a otome fandom this active in a long while? Everyone adds something, whether it’s a fic/hc or a drawing, a summary, a discussion or bunch of screenshots god bless u all

5. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU’D SEE MORE OF IN SAMURAI LOVE BALLAD PARTY?

I want MC to learn how to fight!! With actual weapons!! And brain!! Diplomacy!! Let her grow and adapt to her surroundings!! Let her fight and defend!! I get the whole pacifist thing, but self-defense is like basics  when ur bf owns a province??? I’m getting tired of seeing her being left behind when her lover goes to war. I want to fite!! Or she could be a field medic, that’s a+++ too.

And like, if we could have some Masamune’s sprites where we can see both of his eyes… Or like… repeat the events so I can play everything I missed…. I can’t give u my money, but I have a pair of functioning kidneys…

6. END WITH A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF

Hello, my name is Jovana I just really like cats. I usually use Ana, bc my name is generic. Currently studying veterinary medicine in the University of Belgrade and crying over fictional characters. I’m super awkward with these, but I swear I’m a friendly young cat lady who likes baking and platonic relationships. Tbh, lately I’ve been only active here and in Haikyuu fandom? and I really need to read the latest chapter bc I saw some cats there thank you Furudate. U should befriend me bc u get good benefits I just have to think of some trust me

tagging: guys, I have no idea who to tag, everyone had already done this?? if u haven’t then do it pls