#i rmr immediately liking it and loving both the opening and ending and recording them and rerecording until they sounded good enough | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asakurahaos · 5 years ago

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Ive been watching b/leach today and at some point i just thought, why do i have such positive feelings whenever i watch it?

Like, even tho it has some lighter and comedic moments, the show is basically one bad thing happening, then another, and another and.... Its not a happy show at all, so why am i feeling so happy when i watch it?

And now it hit me that it was the last show i got into and loved before depression really took hold of me

But then i thought, hey but why dont i feel the same for n/aruto then? And after thinking abt it for a bit i figured out n/aruto doesnt bring back the same happiness as bleach (and s/haman k/ing and hp) bc n/aruto was my main fandom during my (then) worst depression

I did get into all of these before it got bad, and they were my main focus when i was happy. I did read/watch all of these when it got bad too, but n/aruto was my main focus at that point . So i guess my brain is now like, b/leach, hp, sk = happy times, good memories, childhood and n/aruto = a coping mechanism, bad days and a bunch of problems

#my first memory of sk is *gasp* i just got a new haircut and it matches my fave character and a month later finding a bracelet w stars which #were a signature symbol of my fave #of hp it was my aunt & uncle gifting and writing me a note in the books for my bday #of b/leach it was me reading an article abt it in the newspaper and that it was going to air soon and then watching it for the first time #(yes i actually rmr my first time watching it! 😭 i cant say that for many shows)#i rmr immediately liking it and loving both the opening and ending and recording them and rerecording until they sounded good enough #i still have those recordings saved somewhere #and of n/aruto. i rmr it started airing when i was with mom and dad in a rehab centre/spa 2 months after my moms heart attack #i mean you can see the difference in my experiences w the shows right from the start #i do think my 1st memories of the shows heavily influence my feelings abt them now but i feel like the most important part was when/why/how #into the fandom i was that have the most influence tho #same thing happened later w k/nb hq and free #i watched them all at the same time but my main focus when my depression got bad was free #then i switched to hq until a mutual/friend died and i still cant get back into hq without thinking of her #and k/nb i watched again when i was slightly better #and i still (very obviously) love k/nb more than like 95% of shows i ever watched #idk if thats why i feel k/nb and b/leach give off similar vibes to me or theres genuinely sth in them thats similar #i know that my o/tps from both of these are pretty much exactly the same tho i know im not just imagining that lmao #ignore me im feeling kinda emotional #its probably the hormones

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