#i rlly do love to describe scenes of just. nature

[sunlitmcgee]

i love writing pretty nature environments

[kimakento]

tired

synopsis: your overworking habit does not go unnoticed by your group leader. and masaya knows he has to interfere, even if it ruins your guys’ relationship in the process. ⌙ 3.0k

pairing(s): kimura masaya x 12th member!fem!reader

genre(s): angst (with comfort), general

warnings: overworking, low self-esteem (more of that nature), swearing, emotional instability, scenes of lashing out/anger, can be seen as platonic (?)

author’s note: i kinda love and hate this i’m not sure. i rlly need to write more for ini tho…. ily masaya (even tho im a nishi oshi)

kimura masaya was aware of the ‘extra practice’ sessions you held at night in seclusion; he also understood that this was just your way of overworking, and didn’t like it one bit. it certainly didn’t help that your younger members were becoming more skeptical with each time.

“one, two, three, four.” masaya clapped, signalling you and nishi to start your dance segment together. “i think you need to take a step farther to avoid bumping into him.” he finished.

in serious thought, you nodded and complied. but you couldn’t stop the overbearing thoughts as throughout the practice you’d noticed that masaya had picked out several mistakes which only made your expression fall.

observing his watch, he clicked his teeth, grabbing both you and nishi’s attention before speaking.

“we probably should head back now. let’s finish this tomorrow?”

masaya met the other man’s gaze as nishi yawned and nodded. when his eyes raked to yours, you shook your head which made the dance leader shoot you a quizzical look.

“i’ll stay behind to work on this.”

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words couldn’t describe the fatigue that overtook your body. nor could it describe the bubbling feeling of frustration that swelled in your chest.

you didn’t understand. why were you never good enough?

“fuck.” hands cover your face as you sigh loudly when you collapse onto the cold, marble floor. “why can’t i get this down?” heaving yourself up, you did what you do best.

you tried again.

sweat dripping down your face, your head pounded as you repeated the steps over; one leg out, the other in and, and…and?

shit, you’ve already forgotten it. confusion etched your face as you squeezed your eyes shut, temporarily tuning out your overwhelming and intrusive thoughts. frankly, you didn’t know how long you’ve been at this, it was half past midnight and here you were; dancing your ass off.

no matter how many times you went through the moves; you just couldn’t seem to get them down. exhaustion consumed your body and your legs felt as if they were going to give out any second; but you mustn’t stop, you scolded yourself. memories of all the comments that your dance instructor spewed carelessly at you about your dance abilities.

‘that’s the wrong leg.’

‘how were you able to even debut with an inability to perfect a simple two step?’

the harsh commands remained ever the fresh in your mind like they were actively taunting you knowingly each time they’d echo on your conscious.

it never helped that it wasn’t just a one-off. to say the least, it hurt to hear that every single day. tears welled up in your eyes as you breathed raggedly from all the repeated steps.

with newfound motivation, you trudged your feet towards the remote and restarted the music and tried again.

when thirty minutes had passed, your phone buzzed. making your way towards the bench you observed that you had a message.

leader :< (masa!) where are you? answer, i’m getting worried. sent 1:03am

hastily, you texted a quick response and turned your phone off in hopes of finding solace and concentration. as you took a seat on the bench, you felt a random urge of frustration; you wanted to scream, to cry. the anxiety clawed at your throat and consumed your entire being.

you just weren’t good enough. you never were.

were you really going to disappoint your fans with a lousy performance? that question remained on your mind as you heaved yourself up and practised again. this went on until you felt on the verge of passing out fifteen minutes later, and had quite literally collapsed on the floor. as much as you tried to get up, your legs had failed you. heaving loudly, you placed an arm over your face while eying the kaleidoscopic lights of your group’s practice room.

just a few minutes of rest. you thought before your eyes slowly fluttered shut; the fatigue catching up to you.

back at the dorms, masaya had his finger caught between his teeth as he watched his phone anxiously. there had been no sign of any other response from you leading him to become visibly antsy; even getting up to pace around the room.

he had to go and get you.

wrapping a scarf around his neck, he grabbed his jacket and walked out; making his way over to the company practice rooms.

falling asleep in the practice room wasn’t something you had planned but masaya barging in wasn’t either resulting in you recoiling from the loud noise and shooting up.

the man wore an expression of worry as his voice expressed a firm tone.

“get up. we’re leaving.”

shock took to your face as you scrambled up and shook your head.

a stern answer, “i’m not done with practice yet, masaya.”

two fingers pinches his bridge as he breathed in loudly and sighed.

“it’s one in the morning. how on earth are you practicing? i was worried sick, anything could’ve happened to you.”

a glint of regret flashed in your eyes but was quickly replaced with determination as you reminded yourself of all the negative comments you’ve had to endure about your dancing.

as you looked at him, you couldn’t help the frustration that had seeped into your chest slowly build up.

raising your voice, you chided him, “well, i have to be perfect. i won’t be able to achieve that if i just sit idly.”

“you’ve been acting weird.” masaya cringed internally at your tone, it made him feel uneasy. “why are you suddenly so obsessed with practice? you can do it tomorrow. this is unorthodox.”

your face conveyed your sense of disbelief.

“unorthodox? you wouldn’t know anything about that since you’re amazing at dancing, you’re literally our dance leader. what the hell would you know about this?” you scoffed in reply.

it wasn’t like you to blow up on anyone, you’d always been the one who’d take everything quietly. masaya was genuinely confused, he didn’t know what had led you become so annoyed.

“i understand you need to practice, but you also need to sleep and rest. it’s not right on me or the others and especially you.” he tried to reason, but that only seemed to escalate the situation.

you covered your face with your hands. “no you don’t.” your voice was small and inaudible — almost fragile, mimicking your sense of state at that current moment.

“huh?”

taking a step closer, it really felt like this was your last straw. “no, you don’t understand what it’s like to be constantly insulted everyday under the guise of it being constructive criticism. you don’t understand what it’s like to feel constrained and suffocated every single day because you feel like you can’t perfect one simple move.” you noticed the look in his eyes as he processed every word of your rant.

another deep sigh escaped your mouth as you parted your lips to continue. “so tell me. but i bet it feels amazing to have everyone praise you as the oh-so-great and naturally-talented dance leader that is kimura masaya, with his exceptional dance skills and all-rounder qualities too. you’re just so perfect, i doubt you can understand anything.”

you felt frantic. thoughts raced around in your mind and scattered your brain, your heart thumped as you tried to ground yourself.

a feeling of hurt flashed on masaya’s expression and guilt wracked your body.

“just listen to me.”

“look, if i don’t practice i’ll fall behind—” you debate.

“no, you won’t.” he cut you off.

“—but if i do practice, you and the others get worried and tell me to stop practicing so much.” you continued, ignoring the older boy’s interruption. “so what am i supposed to do, masaya?”

“i can’t—“

just as he was about to answer, your heads snap to the sound of the door opening and hiroto emerging from behind it. his head alternates between looking at you and masaya; noticing the energy being off. he couldn’t help but feel like he had interrupted something.

“i can’t believe i had to trek here at two in the morning just to collect you. i don’t know what’s going on right now but i’m sure you can sort it out in the morning.” hiroto sighed. “you both are apart of the eldest, i would expect you to be more responsible.”

animosity radiated off the room, and also off of you too. armed with frustration, you huffed in agreement and began to collect your things. in your peripheral, you noticed masaya grumbling incoherently, annoyed at the interruption. for you, it was the opposite; you didn’t know what else your frustration would’ve caused you to say to the older man that would’ve hurt his feelings.

a part of you wanted to resolve the situation and hug it out — but the other was just blind with emotion, it sucked that one of your best friends couldn’t understand what you were going through right now and was refusing to meet you in the middle.

not looking back, you walked out of the almost-suffocating room alongside hiroto with your belongings.

the blonde cleared his throat, and pointed a finger to the room you both just left. “what happened?”

“oh, it was nothing. just a little disagreement. that’s all!” a small smile made its way to your face, trying to convince him; yourself too.

hiroto turned to you while giving a look showing that he was was definitely not convinced but still left the matter alone, not wanting to push boundaries.

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‘a little disagreement.’ you had said. bullshit.

perhaps you had fooled yourself in the process of lying to the eldest member. what happened between you and masaya was definitely not ‘little’ or just a ‘disagreement’ — quite far from it.

a yawn escaped your mouth as you greeted the five boys at the breakfast table, three of whom were rowdy—when were taji, takumi and jin not?—one peacefully eating his food—this was quite and a new side to hiroto—and masaya.

taji had been laughing at his phone for a quite a while, grabbing the attention of takumi and jin. they both gathered around taji’s phone, snickering in the process. hiroto had been peacefully eating as you raked your hazy gaze along the table, you observed masaya picking at his food; refusing to even look up.

“g’morning.” the second your light voice disturbed the busy air, the dance leader perked his head up. groggily rubbing your eyes, you walked over to sit next to hiroto.

weird. you’d always sit next to masaya during breakfast. hiroto sighed internally, recognising that what happened between you and the dance leader last night was definitely still going on.

the argument from last night replayed in your head as you bitterly pick at your food as well. losing your appetite, you get up from your seat at the table — making a little more noise than you should’ve — which caught the attention of masaya. confusedly, he looked down at your plate and back at you; observing that you hadn’t even touched the pancakes that they had prepared.

“finish your food.”

in surprise, you snap your head towards the man.

“i’m not hungry.” a bitter taste took over your mouth.

it didn’t help that the other members had coincidentally become immersed in the show-off you both were having. the tension was so thick in the room, you could cut it with a knife. his gaze never left yours as he remarked.

“all i ask is for you to take care of yourself. why do you make everything a big deal? you know, i don’t get you.”

“and all i ask is for you to mind your own, i can take care of myself. i’m not a child, stop treating me like one for once.” it was like he was trying his hardest to not understand you.

while thinking, you feel someone nudge your elbow; it was nishi. after catching your attention, he nodded over to jin, who had a worried expression on his face. shooting a sorry look to the man, an exasperated sigh left your mouth.

“whatever. i’m out.” pushing your chair out, you got up and returned to your room in isolation.

masaya ran his hands through his hair and huffed.

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practice was even worser. the air crackled with tension as all other eleven members were red-faced and tried to catch their breaths. this session had been extra exhausting and had drained all their energy. as they all conversed lightly, you could be found on the other side of the room still walking through the steps.

takeru spoke up, disturbing all the other members’ hushed conversations.

“guys, let’s go out to eat this time.” typical, takeru would seize any chance to go out. you giggled to yourself. “chinese, maybe?”

everyone nodded and agreed as they looked to each other. a certain man with a playful but adorable look sneaked up behind you and tapped your shoulder, making you jump out of your skin.

“mj, you scared the shit out of me.” with a hand over your heart, you scolded him.

he snickered in response, “we’re going to get chinese. wanna come?”

shaking your head, he only nodded in frustration. jin only wondered when you were going to stop this. he could see it consuming you.

the bags under your eyes, your restlessness, the burden that weighed heavy on your shoulders; they were all proof of it. and jin despised it; he only wished it would get better—you deserved solace as much as he did (much more than he did). as he walked away, he only cursed his incompetence.

a few minutes later, your group-mates had scurried outside after packing up and left you to your own devices. unknown to you, your dance leader had offered to stay and talk to you.

the music boomed in your ears as it replayed over as you repeated the choreography you’d had just been taught for a new comeback. there’d been a specific move that you couldn’t execute perfectly so you went through it again and again.

“enough, please.” the voice sounded weak.

turning around, you were met with the pleading eyes of your leader.

fatigue flashed in your eyes, “i have to get this down, masaya. i really have no time, we’ve only got weeks before we perform live.”

kimura masaya knew this wasn’t what you wanted.

“do you know how this has been breaking us apart? did you even see the look on jin’s face when you had declined his offer? this ‘habit’ is not simply that; this is an actual problem.” emotion spilled through his speech. he so desperately wanted to get through to you. “this hasn’t only been consuming you, it’s been eating away at me...”

“i appreciate the concern but—“

“before you bring out another excuse, i encourage you to think about how this affects everyone else.”

as your comeback edged closer, you’d become more antsier. the group had been tasked with five new songs to learn with all choreography as well. this wasn’t like any other of your albums or singles; it was more songs that you had usually.

so naturally your ‘habit’ of asking your performance director to stay behind had been a rare occurrence. but rarely became sometimes and sometimes became every time.

“i’m not incapable of thinking for myself.”

the exasperation that took over your mind made you completely irritable and unreasonable. yet you couldn’t deny the anxiety that clawed at your throat or the sob that you wanted to let out in frustration.

the taller man walked closer to you and wrapped his arms around your body, providing warmth. a direct contrast.

“i really want to help you. just tell me everything.”

perhaps his soothing voice cracked at your cold exterior. you melted in his embrace and buried your face in his neck.

“i’m tired.” you couldn’t push back the sobs that threatened to escape now. “i’m just so tired, masaya.” you repeated again, voice muffled by his shirt.

a gentle hand ran up and down your back in comfort, encouraging you to speak your heart out until you’re content. pulling away from you, he weaved a hand through yours.

“i know.” he whispered softly to you. “i know.”

the thoughts that consumed your head and tainted your heart terrified you, “i can’t rid myself of this feeling, it’s tearing me apart. it’s like i can’t even breathe. everywhere i go, everything i do; no matter what it’s with me.”

“you should’ve told me. i didn’t know it was this bad.” masaya couldn’t help but feeling it was his fault. he was the leader, and still you were always the one who would listen to everyone else’s problems; including his. but he never made an effort to return the favour.

“i so badly did, but i didn’t want to burden you.”

“burden me? oh, you could never.” placing a hand on your cheek, he used a finger to wipe away the tears that ran down. “you’re supposed to come to me about anything like this. it’s partly my fault; i should’ve never let you go through this alone.”

with a hand still placed on your back, masaya walked you towards the bench against the wall and tried to calm you down. amidst your sharp intakes of air while passing you a bottle of water, the leader broke the silence and interrupted your incoherent train of thought.

“i think our first step is leaving this room. you need to break away from this pressure-filled atmosphere. let’s join the others?”

you weakly nodded your head at the thought of being reunited with your other members.

that’s how you found yourself surrounded with laughs filled with genuine joy. the group had been waiting for their order to be served and your nerves seemed to slowly seep away with more of the jokes told to lighten the atmosphere. you still had a long way to go but for the first time in a while, ease filled your mind as well as smiles adorned your expression. unbeknownst to you, a certain dance leader sat next to you on the restaurant table observed you with a hand under his chin and a grin.

kimura masaya thought believed you looked prettiest when you had that signature smile on your face.

likes and reblogs are heavily appreciated :D

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[thetonethetollandthethunder]

Scythe chapter 11-15

You know the drill!! Cmon!!!

—

Chapter 11!!

-I always forget the conclave’s have names,,,

-The thing is, you can never blame these people for fighting back, it’s human nature, but OUGH the consequences of human nature are so devastating

-But just imagine the guilt you’d feel, your husband got killed and you get immune from the same fate for a whole year. That’s just prime for survivors guilt

-Also the fact that Faraday told the family the man didn’t resist is just testament to his kindness and compassion

-“The sanctity of the law…And the wisdom to know when it must be broken.” *Stares at Goddard*

-MILK SCENE, I unironically love this scene even tho I think it’s really funny

-Also I genuinely don’t know how ppl drink milk b4 bed, is that even a real thing? How does that make you sleepy??

-Also good on Faraday!! Don’t waste shit!!!

-Apparently all the Scythe Rings are white but I refuse to acknowledge that, they’re all multicolored and each color relates to the scythe in some way <3

-That ring security system Faraday has going on is sick as fuck tho ngl

-“Now let’s see how long it takes Rowan to go for the ring.” I love himmmm, he’s fun!!! He can be fun!!

-Tonist mention!! I love the Tonists <33

-Nice chapter!! Gives more depth to Faraday!!

—

Chapter 12!!

-Rowan and Citra’s test are approaching!!!

-The idea of having to hold yourself back in life because you’re afraid of being killed is actually terrifying—

-Also same Rowan, I hate studying too

-“Rowan concluded that not knowing was more terrifying than knowing.” If I remember correctly what the consequence is then that is CERTAIN true

-I LOVE Citra and Rowan’s banter here!! You can see their chemistry early on!!

-UGH I WONT LIST OUT ALL THE MOMENT BUT THEYRE SO CUTE!!!

-Cute chapter! Lots of Citran moments!

—

Chapter 13!!

-“I’m a human being, not a mole.” Faraday is soooo fun sometimes like so fun and endearing???

-“Destroyed back in the age of mortality by something called ‘terrorism’.” OKAY SO YES THIS DOES GIVE US A LOT TO THINK ABOUT IN TERMS OF WHAT PEOPLE HERE KNOW ABOUT THE AGE OF MORTALITY BUT ALSO THAT IS RLLY FUCKING FUNNY SOOO

-I too hate walking at 6:30 am (I go to public school in America)

-“I have found that with the Scythedom, it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission,” He is iconic yall

-“What’s the worst they could do?” Things said before disasters—

-“Running the gauntlet” Like walking the red carpet!

-“Scythes wished to be seen as the many faces of light, not of darkness.” And soon they will be! Yk, just right after the plague—

-SCYTHE CURIE OMG OMG!!

-OO now they’re seeing scythe goddard ohoho I LOVE HAVING FORESIGHT

-Citra would cringe at the fact she at one point dazzled by goddard

-Rowan don’t be fatphobic /j

-I like that the conclave’s are pretty boring for the most part, makes it feel more realistic

-I love how only when Citra becomes a Scythe does she begin to understand these rituals, shows how much she grows

-OHOHO we got goddards fuckin note bullshit! Citra is gonna hear allll about that when she becomes a scythe

-Love how Chomsky is basically described as “as white as anyone could be” lmaoo token white man

-also gun lobby, nothing to say about it just…Gun lobby

-Rowan starting to talk like faraday is GOLD

-Again I love Citra and Rowan’s banter

-SCYTHE CURIE

-The idea of the weaponsmaster being a infomercial salesman is SOO funny i need to use that in my scythe oc shit

-Also that digital poison sounds fucking TERRIFYING

-The Scythes not liking the term ‘victim’ is rlly interesting to me, shows they really think of themselves as these faces of light

-Neal I don’t think you know what feminine hygiene products sound like—

-Hand of midas shit but even MORE horrifying!!

-I am terrible with names I saw Scythe Mandela and thought he was Scythe Possuelo and I have no idea why

-Who names their child Ransom??

-VERY good and long chapter!! Two more to go!!

—

Chapter 14!!

-OOO the test scene!! One of my favorites!!

-SCYTHE CURIE

-Again what is with the shit names??? Jacory??

-OHH you do NOT interrupt scythe curie girl you are FUCKED

-Oh Citra you’re gonna revisit the worst thing you’ve ever done REALLL soon

-ROWAN LOSING ON PURPOSE FOR CITRA IS SOOOO!!!

-GODDAMN IT RAND I LOVE YOU BUT STOP

-AND THE TENSION THICKENS WITH THE ADDED RULE OF THEM HAVING TO KILL THE OTHER OH MY GOD ITS STILL GOOD MAN!!

-We all want a relationship with the thunderhead Curie

-Very good chapter that adds to the stakes of the story!! One more to go!!!

—

Chapter 15!!!

-God the shock and confusion and how upset they all are really captivates this conversation

-And you see that eventually Rowan is very willing to die at the hands of Citra, that’s how much he loves her like UGHH

-“Scythes were supposed to be above the petty,” oh citra you have no idea bby girl,,

-Hash pales!!!

-THE KISS SCENE

-Ive already went in depth about why I love this scene in my Citran analysis post but UGH I LOVE ITT

-Liar!! You are totally in love rowan!!

-GODDARD THE BASTARD

-God he is such a fucking dick i hate himmm

-Very good chapter :)

—

AND THATS THE NEXT 5!!! Next time we’ll do chapters 16-20!

[actualbird]

Once again I have just woken up and saw a new fic from you and read it and I am going to Scream

God the basement incident. Reading about it in the game felt like getting hit by a ton of bricks and reading your interpretation of the events that led up to it feels worse. I hate how well you conveyed the slowly growing tension and worry as Giann realises Marius is missing and can't find him anywhere. God, the kids who did it were so young too. At most 10 years old and already having nearly killed one of their cousins. I never realised how horrifying the implications were until now.

I really like the ice and cold theme that's present throughout the fic. While Marius was hit with the physical sensation of the coldness of the basement, it manifests in Giann as his mental state. It's such a good way to show how that incident impacted them both and tie Giann's feelings back to that incident in a more tangible way. The chill of that basement never really left him, even though it's been long enough for the seasons to change and to be outwardly warm.

Giann shouldering all of this on his own bevause of how busy his father is...Man

Bringing in Giann and Marius' mom too oh my god the way he feels like he failed her because he failed to protect and take care of Marius in that incident and now needs to make up for it...

That last paragraph hurts so much knowing that Giann is missing now. How must he be feeling, knowing that he once again can't be there for his brother when he needs him?

God this fic hurt so much, I think this might be the most angst I've read from your work since "and I feel my past regrets slipping into present tense". Excellent fic, I love your portrayal of Giann so much and I love the way you wrote about how the basement incident impacted him. Honestly, this might be one of my favourite fics you've written.

🌌

wAAHHH good morning milkyway, thank you for reading "growing pains"!!! for a balanced breakfast, get a healthy heap of....angst.

JHVJSDHVFKHSDF

but gosh thank u so much for this ask, im so glad the pain managed to hit hard since it’s been quite a while since i last stretched my angst writing muscle (and my fic writing muscle in general OTL) so im rlly relieved to be seeing the emotionally devastated comments cuz phew thank god….ive still got it….. ;w;

hashing out the more specific details of how i imagined The Basement Incident was really interesting for me to do! all marius says in canon is along the lines of “a few older kids trapped me there as a prank” and “they were probably tired of seeing how everyone paid attention to me like planets orbiting the sun” and like. how much older is older. it cant be that old, because unthinking jealousy like that is such childish playground bully behavior. they were kids too, not really understanding the consequences of their actions

i actually cut a scene that was in my outline where like, those three kids who trapped marius in there were crying in the commotion once the ambulance came and once the Gravity of what happened set in. i cut it out for pacing reasons and for “giann, in that moment, would not care or notice them at all” reasons.

…..funfact: this is actually the fic where i think i did the most ever cutting of scenes and lines i first put down.

i wanted to be a little bit more restrained in how i wrote this? like, before i sent it to my girlfriend for editing, there were way more lines in the flashbacks further describing the “cold” of the setting and marius’ hypothermia, more paragraphs detailing giann’s experience of guilt, etc. i took em out. not rlly for the express benefit of the fic exactly, but i just wanted to try a “less is more” approach for once to see how it’d feel.

my verdict there is it’s super fun, results in a “muted” kind of reading experience that fit well here. the connections make themselves. it doesnt come to me as naturally as my more ramble internal monolog heavy shtick (i needed to look at my first draft for a whole afternoon just wondering what i wanted to axe JHKJHFSD) but it’s definitely a kind of technique i wanna try practicing more

writing process rambles aside, oh my gosh. “I think this might be the most angst I've read from your work since "and i feel my past regrets slipping into present tense” ” this is high praise to me since that fic is still one that i consider my most miserable piece in this fandom jvkJVJHFVKSDH

thank you so much for the lovely comment, milkyway!!! it’s always such a delight to see your thoughts and im so happy you liked this fic :’D

[somewhereinthepines]

Happy New Year! I hope it has been treating you well so far. I come to you with another ask, possibly the first of the year? Lol.

In an old ask, you said that Chris in GP is more of a creeper (vouyer, etc), and that after what Ryan is gonna do next, what Chris does that is already creepy will no longer be harmless. And it's had me thinking for a long time, like, dang, that is ominous, and what does it mean. I know you're busy with things and invested in other fandoms, which is why I appreciate you still answering my asks about GP. So, ik you don't wanna give it away, so without spoiling what's to come, how is Chris's creepy habits/behaviours gonna evolve?

It's just really interesting to me how you write him, as he's really complex, and us not seeing his perspective this time makes him even more interesting. So it got me wondering how he's gonna be when the jig (well, part of it) is up. I know you said before that he wouldn't feel so threatened by Dylan anymore, and they couldn't be an open/normal couple for reasons. But like...I've just been thinking here, about how different things might be between them once they are both on the same page. How Chris will evolve and Ryan too. Like you said, he isn't rlly as 'good' as he lets Chris believe. I remembered that one au idea you mentioned one time, about Ryan being jealous of Dyan/others that he thinks are Chris's new faves. It got me thinking that maybe Ryan will maybe get comfy admitting a thing or two to Chris. Something tells me he isn't gonna be as shy as he was in ASB, haha.

It got me imagining a scene of them in bed, maybe just waking up, maybe both just laying there, and Ryan could be curled around Chris and just quietly admits that he gets jealous thinking of non-existant competition, lol. Like, the thought of Chris being pursued or shown interest by someone else makes Ryan jealous, and he doesn't like it. GP Chris seems the more likely to accept that info, and maybe feel satisfaction with it? Bcs as you'd said, once Ryan shows him proof that he wants Chris not Dyan, then he's secure bcs Ryan chose him. So it's maybe a lil treat for him, yk since he's been so bothered by Dylan before. It's just a small silly imagine, kinda like one of Ryan's first awkward attempts at pillow talk, haha.

He just puts it out there after a bit, his hand on Chris's chest and all. This is random, but I love that you described Ryan in chap 1 sneaking a look at his chest hair peeking out his shirt. And just admiring him as a whole, knowing that he's being kinda weird about it in his head. Our guy is down bad for real, I love that detail, tho. Man's is obsessed. And I love that even with Chris's hidden nature just under the surface, Ryan is still like 'Yeah, I'm still on board...he's kinda being weird, and it's bothering me a bit...but that's still my man." I'm looking forward to seeing what Ryan does and how that's gonna go down with Chris. I know he's gotta be having a midlife crisis in his office after Ryan's snooping. I'm also loving the wolf patterns peeking through. It's both interesting, thrilling, and creepy to see from him.

I'd say sorry for the long ramble ask, but I think we're past that, lmao. In 2024, I accept my fate of long-winded rambles just being a thing I'll always do, haha.

heya! and a happy new year to you too! i also hope, that it treats you well! as for me, i’m fine! kinda working on things between the jobs and such, haha. and yeah, your ask is the first one! i will take this as a good omen. i love your asks! i honestly think that a detailed review or question is the highest praise and treat an author can get! 

and oh don’t worry, i do love asks about supermassive! and i do love asks about chris/ryan, even if i’m currently invested in other pairs/fandoms. like, how do i say it? i guess, that i mostly just collect all my fav things into one big mental basket, so technically i don’t lose love or interest for them, merely letting them lie there for time being, while i’m playing with some other characters and setups. i guess, i’m kind of person, who if they fall in love with some narratives or elements of certain characters/ships, i just sorta keep returning to them, when i feel a flicker of interest beckoning me back to them. 

but anyways! i’d say, that GP not only explores the darker underbelly of chris’s nature, but it also applies to ryan as well. they’re a perfect match in my head for a reason, haha. i suppose, that everything that i ever shipped can be broken down to the notion of how they can make one another better, but how they also can make one another worse. in GP, chris and ryan are pretty much about to do the latter, haha. but as for chris, specifically, well, he’s still trying to be somewhat decent, but he’s also kind of a man, who's at the end of his rope, so to speak. things don’t go all that great for him, and that one good thing, that he has is just endlessly tempting and ‘messing’ with him (from his perspective). it’s hard for him to not see this as an ‘invitation’ to continue his inappropriate behavior, even if he himself knows that it’s just an excuse. but it’s all the excuse that he needs at this point, really. just not be met with disgust or downright fear. and naturally, since ryan knows no better, he doesn’t view chris’s behavior as smth, that is absolutely hideous and dangerous. nope. ryan just being ryan, so he’s confused and kinda annoyed at worst. it’s basically the same as dangling a piece of fresh meat in front of a hungry wolf, and be surprised, when it snaps its jaw, not even around the piece of meat, but the wrist of a person, who holds it. it doesn’t want the meat, it wants the one who brought the meat, bc they’re a tease. what i’m trying to say, is that while in ASB chris was somewhat alright with taking things slow, and he wanted them slow for ryan’s sake, in GP, he can no longer be satisfied with just some rutting and a kiss or two. considering this, he also won’t be alright with just looking either. and you expect this kind of aggressive pushiness from emma or whoever else, when they were on the verge of becoming a werewolf, but it’s mostly bc of idk, they’re young, i guess. no one there had an esp fucked up backstory or whatever. well, maybe laura, bc she was kept hostage by a man, who was weird toward her, and she got her eye clawed out, but it’s also all low-key her own fault in a way lol. in comparison to all those examples, chris is a man with messed up childhood, messy adulthood, and bunch of uncatered needs (considering we follow my fanon, where he’s pretty much a closeted dude and was this for years). it is scary to picture what his aggression will look like lol. like in private. toward a person he loves and pins for. but who for a change pins back. 

and yeah, part of why GP is ryan-centric, bc it is so much more tense and confusing to not know what chris thinking. he’s a ‘weird’, predatory dude in this, and it surely would have put one more in ease, if they knew what he’s really thinking and why he does what he does. but since the reader shares experience with ryan in this one, there is a lot of that confusion. sure, we know things that ryan doesn’t, but concerning chris himself….well, it’s still a dark spot for everyone. but then again, if we flip the tables, just like in ASB, chris might be just as unsure about wtf ryan is doing or why. and as things progress, i think that he will find himself taken aback by certain stuff, that ryan capable of, bc he’d never suspected him to be anything, but that awkward shy boy, that kinda relies on him for advice. 

considering, the admission of jealousy, i can see chris being surprised by it, bc it never occurred to him, that ryan can even be worried about such a thing. i suppose, inside chris’s own head, ryan being his only ever favorite is just so cemented and natural, that he never pictured anyone else in his place. so if anything, ryan prob be the one more satisfied here, haha. tho if chris admitted, that he was jealous of dylan, ryan would also be like ‘lol why’. he never saw dylan in that light. then yeah, chris be like ‘oh, okay’ and smile, bc it’s nice to know that they’re on the same page. so stupidly committed to one another, that they both wouldn't even notice, if other people showed interest in them. also i picture, that ryan’s pillow talk won’t be much better, than his flirting skills. like, he was that pushy in ASB bc he literally have no idea how to be ‘sneaky’ or graceful about showing someone, that he fancies them. honestly, when i write characters attempting to be seductive, they either got it or they do not. i mean, some people know how to throw a rock at the water and make it do that bouncy thingy, which is pretty smooth and elegant. others would just throw that rock into the water, and create a splash, and that’s pretty much it, haha. maybe, not as impressive, but perhaps, at times more effective. ryan is kinda the latter type. he just does a thing, and chris has to stand there and deal with it. but to be fair, out of all characters who i ever written, ryan doesn’t have the worst flirting skills. or even the worst ways to get attention / get his feelings to be known. in fact, compared to some, he prob a freaking guru at this, haha. 

oh, i’m glad that you liked that lusty bit, haha. i kinda wanted to show right away, that i imagine ryan to be generally into older males, not boys of his own age. like compared to that hairy chest, mainly build and muscle, dylan has nothing to show with his baby features. but considering how ryan is in GP, dylan should count it his blessing, that ryan not interested in him for a few reasons. one of which would have prob gotten him killed. and yeah, ryan is canonically obsessed with chris tbh, i just took it to a new level, haha. if ryan wasn’t all that shaken up by piling up corpses, somehow still insisting, that mister h have nothing to do with it…..well, that guy was already a lost case! now, he’s just like well, yeah, intuitively knows that smth is a ref flag, but still digs it. as for chris, his life just gets harder and harder by day lmao. 

and ah, no problem, honestly! in a way, i always feel better, when someone talks as much as i do, bc i know that it won’t bother them as much. i know some folks be like ‘wow, wall of text, nope’. but i love wall of text! i talk in walls of text and it’s kinda a mystery to me how someone would not do that, esp if they’re passionate or interested in subject. 

[enevera]

E F H U :-)

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

u ask this like ive completed a fic ever in my life hsabjdl

but yeah none of the fics ive completed are all that worthy of a sequel in my eyes ig, but i did have an idea for a sequel for aootd where quentin and eliot get back to their own timeline and have to just like figure out if the whole thing they just experienced happened at all. also is quentin alive? who knows, great question to ask someone not me hbjdfs

(dont watch the magicians dont do it if anyone looks at that fic summary and goes oh that looks interesting but i'll have to watch the show first stop right there dont do it its not worth it the suffering is not worth it literally DO NOT)

the rest is under the cut bc this got soooo long asbhjkd

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

jsdbnlkf okee taking this as a sign to talk abt my satoshouko convo thank u for enabling meee hehe >:D

“Stop that,” she says, frowning. “Don’t lie like that to me, it’s creepy.” “And you know all about creepy, huh?” he teases and feels the ground under his feet come a little closer. Unimportant conversation is an old comfort and he clings to the offer presented to him. “More than you,” she returns cooly. “Now get up. You’re coming back to my place.” She begins walking around the morgue collecting her own things. “I— What?” He stutters, all of him at once, fingers twitching and eyesight shaking. He’s still too many feet above the ground for this, it seems. “Why?” “You’re a mess,” Shouko explains, throwing a packet of cigarettes in her work purse; she has a nicer one that she brings out shopping and to cafés, he knows, that Utahime bought for her when they first started dating. The one she has for work is heavily worn and a dull brown; she’s had it since high school and they both pretend to forget where she’d gotten it from. “I don’t trust you by yourself and I don’t think you want to worry your kids, so you’re coming home with me.” “I’m fine, Shouko,” he tries to protest, but she shoots him a sternly unimpressed glare and walks back over to get in his face. “No you’re fucking not, don’t even try that right now. It won’t work. Besides…” she straightens up and turns away from him, tugging her bag’s strap up her shoulder. “You’re not the only one who needs some company tonight.”

okay on top of the brainrot writing this sparked in me my favorite favorite thing to write is characters with differing goals and they have very differing goals. i like when a character has already made a decision and i like writing characters disagreeing a bit. i just loveee when i get to write different motivations and i love them i love this convo and i like writing shouko mhm

H: How would you describe your style?

uhhh thats difficult lol but like i know i lean pretty hard into being very descriptive and i like a lottt of metaphors and imagery, but my main goal is always to get my mental picture across as much as i can, so i guess thats why. i like to keep dialogue on the sparser side, though. most of the time people dont monologue, so i try not to let the characters do it and i spent a lot of time rlly figuring out how ppl naturally speak so that i could do that ljsfdhb <33

U: Share three FOUR !! of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

djhbsvjhdfbjv uhhhhhh shit lolol i dont usually read all that much by the same fic authors bc i jump fandoms p often (before jjk anyway, usually hyperfixations only last like 3-4 months for me, this has been like. eight or so; not counting dr who i come back to that a lot sbhjkd), but i will try my bestttt

yukiiiiii <33 obvi obvi echo's writing is so good that i read their bsd fic and i know like nothing abt bsd sfjbhd

biscaaniii!!! admittedly ive only read their jjk works but theyre so so so good highly recommend!!

krissssssss!!!! hi hi hi kris writes naruto stuff but u should read it everyone should read it her writing is soooo gooddddd!!!!!!!

also u habibi bc though i admittedly havent read all ur fics the ones i have read have been sooo good i love them v much i need to finish the miminana fic and read the rest dbjhf <333

ask game!!

[justaz]

Saw your posy about your fic with the aliens that sound too similar to minions. I think you just gotta add details that pull it away from the first gut instinct to visualize a minion.

Like, are they humanoid or are they more reptile/bird like? Or a different mammal? Do they have sharp teeth? Do they have hair, fur, feathers, scales, something else or a combination? Are they a prey or predator species? This will affect things like the placement of the eyes at the front or sides of the head. These details add physical additions that minions don't have and help distance the race from those little guys.

We can also describe more of how their colouring is different as well to change our mental image. For example, are they varying shades of yellow? Are they yellow because it's a natural camouflage for the planet? Are they completely yellow or do they have a gradient from the limbs inward or a completely different coloured stomach? Are they yellow mainly due to mating reasons as yellow was the most attractive colour of this species causing most of the population to end up a shade of yellow over time. I mean so long as they aren't literally entirely one shade of yellow all over then it's less likely to be a minion.

Finally the additional clothes, technology, and societal norms will change our perception again. Like are they highly advanced or in the beginning stages of their technology. If its just figuring things out the clothes will likely be more hand made and simple if not simply woven together directly from the planet itself or taken off the back of an animal. If it's advanced go nuts, who knows what people wear in the future. And is it a highly modest society covering everything up or more accepting of their bodies with skimpy clothes or even none at all? Is it a cold planet, moderate, or a hot planet because that will also affect the styles of dress the aliens have. Literally so long as they aren't all wearing goggles and Jean overalls and sometimes lab coats (this is all I really remember the minions wearing) you'll once again make these aliens seem unique.

Anyways, point is you don't have to redesign your aliens for your fic, you just need to ask yourself a whole bunch of questions as to why they look the way they do and then describe them in your fic to the point that we get a better mental image of what your aliens look like to the point that we won't even think of anything else they could resemble. You don't need to go overboard and write 5 paragraphs in one go as soon as they show up in your story but you can add at least one of each of these categories to your initial description to start off and then as the story progresses you can weave in more details about the alien's world and specific characteristics of specific alien characters your main cast meet with to eventually add more depth tk your species overall.

In any case, sorry to dump literally all of this on you over a quick funny blurb about your situation, but I hope this helps. I just really love world building and character species creation and figured that you shouldn't have to give up the ones you have right now due to a tiny bit of common description. I hope to read your story soon, anyway, and wish you good luck with your writing!

omg HAHA thank you, i appreciate this and will definitely consult this on any world building i have to do in future writing but in the context of what i was writing, it was a short passage of the characters passing a few aliens that rlly didn’t play a role in the scene AND the character i was focusing on was kinda panicked and didn’t rlly give a shit about who was around so it was a super vague description

i am kinda proud of myself bc i DID think of a few of these questions on my own. they live in the desert part of the planet so their coloring was for camouflage (and i edited it to add that they vary in shade, from dark brown to pale yellow) and i did give them lightweight robes, not unlike what you see people wearing in like the middle east. i did add extra arms and modified their noses to a kind of flap that opens and closes on command over just a couple holes in their face so their “noses” don’t protrude and solid black eyes

hopefully that gets rid of the minion visual LMAO

[wh6res]

dreams come true | yuta

"soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks." — ny

[ part of the my bloody valentine collection ]

tw. gore, blood, murder, death, killings, mentions of illegal organ trafficking, violence, mentions of stalking, minor character deaths, weapons (a knife and a gun), almost (??) suggestive content but nothing happened

disc. this is rlly fucked up and yuta is unredeemable. i dont condone such acts. this is all a work of fiction and meant to entertain.

wc. 5k

every time you sleep, the void is sickening. it was all you could see, lightyears and lightyears away of pitch black that made your head dizzy and your stomach dry heave. you've always wondered when you'll start dreaming about your soulmate's memories. they were like little secrets, another way for two people to be intimate without even being together. their days were flashing before their soulmate's eyes in the form of a dream. it's as if you spent the day with them!

you loved it, the whole concept of it. it sounded so wholesome and sweet and jesus fucking christ, you've always been such a hopeless romantic.

it was sweet until it turned sour. you loved it until you hated it. it was romantic until it turned downright terrifying.

you wake up covered in cold sweat, panting and gasping as if you've run a whole marathon.

moonlight seeps through your glass window, slightly left ajar for the midnight breeze to pass through – you walk up to it, pull it shut, and draw your thick curtains together. you exhaled, breath shaking as you tried to anchor yourself back to the ground.

with the only source of your light disappearing, darkness envelops you whole. for once, you craved the void. you want that void back if it meant never seeing something like that again – something straight out of your worst nightmare.

"119, what's your emergency?"

"uhm, i think… i think i just witnessed a massacre."

you reiterate everything you saw in the dream – the mahogany door, paint chipping off the drywalls. the doorknob was rusty, so were the hinges, and it made an ominous creak when pushed open. the light switches on, the first you see was a bunch of dirty ice coolers in what should've been the living room, it wasn't even the slightest bit organized. they were everywhere, and the floor looked grimy and disgusting, like there's a stain they can't seem to scrub off. only when your soulmate has stalked closer did you see the labels haphazardly taped on top of the ice coolers.

kidneys. livers. lungs. pancreas. intestines – you nearly vomited on the floor, trying to relay everything you saw to the operator on the other end of the call.

then came the gruesome parts.

their deaths.

they were five people in total. men clad in cheap t-shirts and pants, wearing all these similar leather jackets. some were well-built, ripped in the arms and thighs, but some were skinny, the jackets hanging on their small frames.

they never stood a chance against him.

your soulmate is agile, quick on his feet with outstanding eye-hand coordination. only equipped with a butcher's knife, but it was all he needed to take them down and send them knocking on inferno's gates. he was skilled, knowing when to pounce and where to slash his knife to maim but never to kill. by the time your soulmate was through with them, everything is bloody red. all the victims' eyes widened as they sputtered and choked on their blood – not dead, but dying...

because your soulmate wasn't done yet.

a killer should have a modus operandi, should they not? so he took out a desert eagle, stood before the bleeding bodies, and shot two bullets straight into their eyes. the finishing touch? carving a frown on their faces with his butcher's knife.

the operator only told you one thing after she's made you describe the place for them to track the crime scene down.

"double-check all your windows and doors."

because you couldn't be too sure, not when you have been granted a front seat to the sad face slayer's most recent endeavors.

the detective eyes you with a certain pity. maybe that's why you don't bother meeting his eyes. you sit still on a chair, camera blinking red behind him, the interrogation room is freezing even with the thick jacket you're wearing.

seven billion people in the world and you're soulmate's a ruthless serial killer who took it upon himself to purge the world of evildoers – he was playing god, no wonder the detective is looking at you like that.

"uhh…" he's awkward, fidgeting in his seat. "and you saw this all in a dream?"

"yes."

you've known him only minutes ago. mark lee was his name and he seems to be a subordinate of a higher, more experienced detective named kim doyoung. you don't know whether to feel offended or not for having a doe-eyed newbie taking care of the case, but you pushed it at the back of your mind, knowing his superior is watching on the other side of the two-way mirror.

"did you have, like, other past instances where you dreamt of him? of what he…" mark looked like he was going to throw up. "what he does to his other victims?"

you shook your head. no. "i've mostly just heard of him on the news. i don't think i have the stomach to find out in-depth what the killer does."

mark takes out a folder, features walking the fine white line between looking apologetic or wanting to say me too. "i'm, uhh, really sorry to hear that."

there's a sudden pregnant silence encapsulating the interrogation room. it felt like you were mourning for something, the chains of dread dragging your heart to the ground as it pounded against your ribcage. mark looked like he wanted to say something, but you swore his eyes darted towards the camera in the corner and decided otherwise.

"anyway…" he trails. flipping the folder open in one swift motion. "past sightings have given us the sad face slayer's name."

he slaps down a picture of a man, his hair raven and a permanent scowl etched on his face. the quality was shitty. it looked like it was a screenshot taken from zoomed-in cctv footage.

"nakamoto yuta, twenty-five, japanese, and has slipped one too many times past authorities that at this point, it's practically a talent."

and just like that, it made sense why you're here.

your lips pursed in contemplation, palms quaking as your fingers reach forward to inspect your soulmate's picture. "and… you want to use my soulmate connection –" you glowered. never had a sentence sounded so fucking cursed and utterly wrong. "– to catch him?"

mark can't look you in the eye. "yes. he's very elusive. his killings have been happening cross-country and, as you can see, have garnered national media attention. the police are hanging by a thread here. a month in his case and all we got is his MO, name, and that he has this weird god complex on him. if we can't catch him by the end of next month…" he shrugs. "the feds are going to interfere, sooner or later."

"so…" you trail, urging him to continue.

"so, we need as much information about him as we can get and your dreams about him will be able to provide that."

fucking great.

the much newer revelations of precisely who it was on the other end of the soulmate connection put a significant damper on your mood. you'd like to think your new little cop buddy who follows you around gives you the least bit sense of security, but alas, it doesn't. not when you've seen first hand how yuta took down five men all at once without breaking a fucking sweat – you absolutely refuse to call him your soulmate, you'd never accept a person with his nature as a soulmate.

you try to hide the bracelet mark handed you last two weeks ago, during your time spent in the precinct's interrogation room.

"please have this on you at all times until we catch him, okay? this is for extra measures, just in case something happens to the cop assigned to guard you. just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?"

considering you're now probably being hunted alive for snitching on a serial killer? mark lee, that was not funny at all.

"do you have to get inside the lecture with me?" you whine, shielding your face with your hair when you notice people shooting glances at the rather handsome cop they assigned to you. "it's not like he'll attack in broad daylight! and in a fucking classroom, for that matter."

jaehyun looks just about ready to hurl you out the window. "lower down your voice," he scolds. "serial killers don't pick a time and place, sweetheart. he kills when necessary and if it's fucking necessary to murder everyone in that classroom to get to you? he'll do it in a fucking heartbeat."

you sigh when the chair next to you screeches against the floor, the aforementioned male taking his seat right next to you. jaehyun felt more like a babysitter than a cop, who seems to have a habit of constantly inputting his not-even-needed opinions on the most superficial things.

are witness protection protocols like this?

it was a good thing that overgrown bat doesn't come hanging around in your apartment, but he does have the police car parked right across the building's entrance. judging by how meticulous and thorough he seems to be, he won't miss any face that comes in and out of the building.

you didn't forget exactly why you're under witness protection. for the cops to waste one good officer to follow you around, you needed to be valuable and being valuable meant sleeping through nightmare-induced dreams of what your soulmate does for a living. the scenes are so gruesome, so graphic and utterly gory, that you dart towards the bathroom first thing after waking up in cold sweat, draining all of dinner down the toilet bowl.

after dreaming of him in action a few times, you've now completely understood what detective lee had said regarding yuta's god complex. it was unsightly, yet there was a twisted sense of heroism to it. if there's one thing, he only gutted the bad guys – but that didn't make nakamoto yuta any less of a bad guy, himself.

i need to ask you a favor [sent 2:05am]

JJH: what? [received 2:10am]

often the nightmares were too much. too much that you thought of escaping its horrors by never getting a wink of sleep ever again – until you realized you're a witness and is probably the only chance for the seoul police department to catch that bastard.

buy me sleeping pills? [read 2:08am]

when you peep out of the window, you find an empty spot across the road where jaehyun usually parks the police car. twenty minutes later, you answer the knocking on your door. he used that little "code" he did for you to know it was him. jaehyun was glowering and muttering about how he wasn't some errand boy when he shoved the plastic bottle in your hand yet, you still thanked him nonetheless.

the pills worked like a charm. you managed to stay asleep throughout the whole night, ceasing those episodes of yours where you jolt awake in the middle of dreaming about the sad face slayer's memories.

life continued for you. it became a little bearable, but that didn't mean the horrific murders you see in your dreams are something you can get used to – you don't think you'll ever get used to the sight of him slashing his victims, the blood trickling like a goddamned waterfall.

today the dreams were different. anticlimactic, per se, if you compare it to the violence so utterly present in his memories.

the first you see were black gates, then it shifted to him ordering coffee in a café (amazing what a simple black mask can hide). it switched to him walking on a sidewalk, then he arrives at his destination, an apartment building – it wasn't too rundown, nor was it extravagant.

the serial killer takes the elevator and walks up to a mahogany door –

your room number is a blaring sight.

you couldn't be wrong, not when the 506 with the missing zero in the middle was a sight you saw every day, going and coming home from university.

that was your front door.

he was at your front door.

you jolt awake, ignoring the icky feel of sweat making your clothes cling onto your skin. ice creeps up your spine and freezes you over when you notice with a sinking realization.

those black gates are from the university you attended. that café is your favorite study nook. and that sidewalk is a route you take every day.

you clamp your hands on your mouth as tears roll down your cheeks in rivulets. you pull the comforters up above your head, fear gripping onto you with a vice-like grip as you sob.

it was in the dead of night, moonlight grazing the confines of your room and hours away from dusk. you finally utter those three words in a frightened whisper.

"he's stalking me."

as if having the overgrown bat jaehyun following and annoying you around wasn't enough, you now have another person keeping watch over you. mark lee, unlike jaehyun, may not be as ripped with muscle, but you heard from your cop buddy that the young detective has a few black belts under him. people at the precinct said that if they have to choose one person who can ever come close to the sad face slayer's agility, mark lee's your guy.

"you gotta be shitting me," you mutter, leaning close to jaehyun to whisper like high school girls talking about gossip. "he doesn't look the type!"

jaehyun, in turn, plays along and copies you. "yeah, true. he gets that a lot, i think,"

"guys, i'm literally in the back seat. i can hear everything."

the change hadn't been too drastic. at least mark was there when jaehyun proved to be difficult, pulling him towards the other way when the older male tried waltzing into your class again. "you don't need to sit next to her in her class! are you serious? there's one exit and entrance and we're on the fifth floor. breaking into that classroom will be the end of nakamoto's serial killer career!"

you shoot mark an appreciative smile, one he quickly returned before hauling jaehyun around the hallway. "we'll just be at the canteen, okay? press the 'lil button on your bracelet and we'll be right there!"

shaking your head with a slight smile on your face, you entered the classroom, sat in your usual spot, and did some of your readings from our other class to kill time. you hardly hear the screech of the chair next to you as it was pulled back. not like you cared much for whoever sat down next to you, but you can't deny there's that feeling of missing jaehyun when he used to force his way into the lecture.

"settle down! settle down, people!"

the professor enters and the class begins.

you were meticulous with your note-taking system. it's thorough, leaving no room for information to slip you. having already printed hard copies of the powerpoint presentation and simply jotting down some extra key points mentioned by your professor.

you were just about to raise your hand for a question when you feel something warm graze past your arm. you absentmindedly look down.

the breath is sucked right out of your lungs.

hi, soulmate

there, scribbled with an ominous red crayon on a small piece of paper. it was almost laughable how innocent it looked but when you follow the ring-clad hand, up the black hoodie he's wearing, and finally to his face—

"hi! i'm yuta."

his cheshire smile spikes up your heartbeat. it makes you want to throw up, makes you want to slam your head against the desk. the fight or flight hormone you have is making you restless, eyes pinned on the serial killer sitting next to you, scared that if you avert your gaze, he's going to take out that desert eagle and shoot you until your skull caves in and the bullets in his magazine empties.

"but judging by your reaction, i don't think introductions are needed, hm?" his tone is easy, conversational even and it shoots a freezing jolt of fear right up your spine. it makes you sweat profusely because you don't fucking know what to do, your thoughts in complete and utter disarray.

"just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?" you swallow, sneakily pressing the button without breaking eye contact with the serial killer sitting in front of you.

"look upfront. now." yuta orders and you nearly snap your neck as you turn your head with lightning speed.

"i thought i was above the soulmate rules, but here we are. my soul is either too tainted or too great to be tied to such trivial things, but oh well, we learn to work with what we have. surprisingly, i learned to like dreaming about how your day went."

you feel something sharp poking at your thigh and when you look down, he has a silver butterfly knife pointed against you. the precision of the angle he held it with doesn't slip your notice. one slice of that knife, no matter how small, and he'll be spilling your guts in this classroom.

a fat tear rolls down your face.

"can you imagine how much my heart broke when i learned you were spying on me? leaking information to that snobby detective? to those incompetent cops? bad baby, that was very bad of you."

"yuta—"

"you think the cops can save you from me?"

his other hand comes in contact with the nape of your neck, holding your head in place as he leaned down to invade your space. he scoffs, and you can picture that terrifying cheshire grin you've seen one too many times in your dreams.

the knife digs through your coat, the tip hardly poking your skin only because he doesn't want to drive it into you yet. how did he even manage to get inside the university? not to mention the weapons he possessed? shouldn't anyone be suspicious when they see a man dressed in all black, clad in jeans and a hoodie, into a university—

he even dressed the part. with that hood drawn up and carrying that one notebook, he looked fairly normal. someone who can easily blend in with the crowd.

you eye your professor, willing him to look at you but your soulmate is having none of that. you squirm when he drives the knife further, at the base of your stomach. with his other hand, he twirls a lock of hair around his finger. "now, now, soulmate. you don't want half the people here to get hurt, do you? unless... that can easily be arranged—"

"no!" you whisper, head jerking to the side to look at him humming in satisfaction. damn. out of all the faces he's seen contorted with fear, yours is his absolute favorite. with those pleading, glassy eyes and parted lips, yuta is tenting in his sweats.

"thought so," he chuckles. "let's get up. we're leaving. that old crook doesn't care if students just up and went in the middle of his lecture."

you don't want to think about how he even knew that because it implied attending the lectures a good amount of times. it's with sinking realization that jaehyun was right. if it weren't for him insisting to sit next to you, nakamoto yuta would've long gotten you in his claws.

you tried gathering your things until he purred into your ear.

"ah, ah, ah. you wouldn't be needing those with where we're going."

the hallways were empty, not that you had much time to scream for help when he had a knife pointed up your back, shoving you into the fire escape stairs. within the tranquil confines of the staircases, the sad face slayer couldn't fucking care less for your personal space.

he disgusts you greatly, he needn't do anything but stand there in front of you but you can already smell the long blood trail from his path. it reeks of rotting flesh and that infuriating god complex he had left a sour aftertaste.

"you know, i genuinely wanted to get to know you," yuta pouts, shaking the hoodie off his head. his hair raven, it's ends kissing the nape of his neck. he looked like he came right out of a shounen manga but the bloodlust in his eyes is something that can never be masked. "i detested the soulmate connection at first, i thought i should just kill you off because you could be my loose end."

his humorless smile is enough to give you nightmares.

"but seeing how sweetly normal and untainted you are made me hold back," the butterfly knife appears before your line of sight, yuta teasingly dragging the tip right down your cheek to trace your tears. "so, why did you snitch, baby?"

you shiver when he noses the side of your neck, inhaling your scent as his other hand hooks underneath your top, freezing fingers making you jolt. when you don't reply, his patience starts to dwindle. then again, he was never a patient man.

"answer me, you bitch. why did you rat me out?" gone is the playful lilt in his voice. the vibrations surge through you as his deep, demanding voice scares you shitless.

you feel, hear, and smell him everywhere. this wasn't like any nightmare. this is real, and you won't magically wake up on your bed, sighing in relief, knowing he isn't there, that it was all just in your head. no, this was very much real and there's absolutely no escape.

"i didn't," your voice cracks. "i didn't mean to—"

"bullshit!" he yells. you wail in pain when he slams you against the wall, head aching as it came in contact with concrete. "because of you betraying me, i nearly fucking got caught, and i never get caught!"

you were full out sobbing at this point, noisy and unsightly as the snot mixes with your tears. your only hope now is he gives you a quick, painless death and that he doesn't carve and mutilate your face like what he always does to his other poor victims. "i'm sorry! please... i'm so sorry. i was scared—"

he coos mockingly, tilting his head to the side as he inched his face closer. "aw, scared? my sweet little soulmate was scared?" he places the blade flat against your neck. as humiliating and degrading as it was, you almost peed on your clothes. "how about now? i'm sure as hell that you're fucking terrified for your useless life right now."

you cringe when his hand abandons the expanse of your stomach, no longer inching higher, finding its purchase on the hair sitting at the crown of your head. he holds you in place like that, forcing your head parallel against the wall, with his whole body pressing up to you that it's nearly suffocating.

"just one quick little slice," he taunts. you hiccuped when you feel the feathery light scrape of the blade moving against your skin. "you won't even have time to scream… but i'm sure we don't want that, do we?"

you forgot how to speak. forgot how to breathe. whenever your mind wanders, you've always thought about how you'll give this killer a piece of your mind, with the amount of fear and sorrow he inflicts upon other people. but you guess realities were a lot more different than expectations. the yuta you dreamed of meeting is in handcuffs, but fate is a fickle little thing.

"do we?" he repeats, slicing ever so slightly at your skin. enough to draw blood in droplets, never a waterfall.

"n – no."

he smiles. "you can make it up to me. do you want to make it up to me?"

the butterfly knife digs even further. a warning. and if you value your useless life, you should be smart enough to know what to answer. drawing a shaky breath, you tried forcing the ends of your lips up to a smile. "of course, yuta."

your voice breaks as your sobbing grips your body whole. the fear consuming your entire being like a parasite consuming the host. you would've shut down altogether if it weren't for the calloused hands gently gripping your face. "i know, i know. i see how regretful you are, baby. don't worry, i won't hurt you. you'll make it up to me."

anyone would be fucking stupid if you believe those words coming from a serial killer.

in your wrecked state, you barely register that he's pushing you down to your knees. skin coming in contact with the freezing linoleum floor as you refuse to look at what his hands are doing. yuta has pocketed his knife. the sound of a belt unbuckling in itself added insult to injury.

you stare blankly at his shoes as he shoves his bottoms down enough for his cock to show. if you squint hard enough, you'll see tiny splatters of blood in the shoelaces. whether or not he feels you're unresponsive, he doesn't show. maybe he doesn't care entirely. he takes one of your hands and used it to wrap around himself. he gasps, sharp, followed by a hiss.

you feel it throbbing and it strengthens the disgust you feel. no way you're going to give him the satisfaction of eye contact when you're already forced to blow this psycho.

"eyes up."

you sniffled, vulnerability present in the tone you speak. "i don't want to. please, don't make me."

if words alone aren't enough for you to follow orders, maybe you'll feel more motivated if held at gunpoint. it's unmistakable, the infamous desert eagle you've only seen in your nightmares. the last thing you ever expected is to be on the side where the bullet comes out.

the barrel is freezing as he digs it into the crown of your head. "soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks."

your eyes looked up then. glaring as the tears rolled down your face. "you're a monster," you mutter under your breath. where you got the confidence to fight back is unknown.

"i've heard that before, be more creative next time," he holds your hair tight in one grip, shoving you forward, eye-level to his throbbing dick. "now… suck, baby."

"freeze!"

you knew that voice, you've been hearing it for the last two weeks. "jaehyun–!"

yuta cuts you off, shoving the gun into your mouth. the safety clicking off resonating in the tranquil room. it's deafening, and it makes you immobile.

"hands up. step away from the civilian." whether or not mark is nervous as he points the gun at the serial killer, he's doing a damn good job of hiding it.

yuta sighs, exasperated as he throws his head back. his raised arms came down to tuck himself back in his jeans, and the action made jaehyun's calm exterior crack. "i said, hands up, asshole!"

"chill out, motherfucker. i'm just trying to wear my pants." the serial killer hisses, glaring at jaehyun over his shoulder.

"mark, call back up already. what are you doing?" jaehyun mutters, side-eyeing the young detective whose gun shakes as he holds it up. the taller cop takes a step forward, eyes never leaving the notorious killer as he addresses you curtly. "(name), come here."

just as you plant your palms to the ground to push yourself up, one of yuta's hands shoves you down quick as lightning. "no. she stays here, with me."

jaehyun scowls, takes another step forward. "and what makes you think i'm going to let that happen?"

"i don't think. i know."

there's a constant ring in your ear as the gunshot temporarily renders you deaf. you've shut your eyes in utter fright, hands shooting up to cover your ears but it was too late. you refuse to open your eyes, you didn't want to see a dead body lying before you, even if it belonged to a heartless serial killer.

but when your eyes fluttered open, it's not yuta bleeding out on the ground.

"no, this can't be – jaehyun!"

it was a bullet straight to the head, no one could've survived a shot like that. his eyes are empty as he stares at you, unblinking, stoic. the color is yet to drown away from his milky complexion. but you can't even manipulate yourself into thinking that jaehyun's still alive. not when his eyes are empty, not when he just looks so lifeless.

it couldn't have been yuta who pulled the trigger.

his weapons were on the ground and the shot rang too fast. the sad face slayer couldn't have crouched down for his gun to shoot the cop, it would've taken too much time. and among the three men, there's only another person holding a weapon, and that was –

"great shot, mark."

the detective smiles, but with the blood splattered on his face, it looked cold. "told ya i've been practicing."

yuta hauls you up by the arms, addicted to how frail your body feels as it collapses against him. he's finally got his little soulmate in his arms. and he will never, ever let you go.

the cops lost – you've lost.

yuta, with a sense of victory coursing through his veins, took the liberty of trailing little pecks down your neck as he mutters, "mine, mine, mine!" but you couldn't care less about his display of mocked affection. not when the other person meant to protect you, turned out to be everything you think he wasn't.

mark must've felt the gravity of your stare as he crouches before jaehyun's bleeding body. grabbing the fallen cop's gun, he took it upon himself to empty the magazine. the lopsided grin he sends you broke your resolve more than yuta ever could.

"i'm sorry. it's nothing personal."

jenoluck (c) all rights reserved

[sparklelight3]

Hypothesis idea thingy for how Ash and Gou could get together (quickly dissolves into a poorly written fanfic because I’m a disaster)

So, I had a mental image of like a 2-3 ep. mini arc thing that ends with the two getting together. I apologize in advance for the fact that this gets progressively more and more detailed and eventually just becomes a semi fanfic. This is unedited btw, so enjoy that as well. 

Episode 1: Starts off with the two out on a mission like usual. Then we have another scene like in ep 3 where Ash just does something that completely astonishes Gou. They resolve the issue like they always do, but Gou is overall very flustered, even more so then usual. Ash could have like a dense Ash moment where he asks if Gou feels sick or something, Gou quickly denying it. Since it’s post ep 36, Ash takes note and dawns a concerned expression. Skip ahead a day or two, and Ash needs to go on a solo trip to Pallet Town for his mom’s birthday. This leaves Gou alone with his feelings for the first time in months. He has time to think about what happened on the last trip, and a couple other moments from past episodes might come up in his head as well. In this time, he fully realize that he’s in love. Koharu, who I image figured this out after her comment in ep 40 about Gou “becoming more and more like Ash”, notices that Gou’s been off. Prof. Sakuragi suddenly receives a big mission and informs Gou on it. Gou at first declines it since Ash isn’t here, but Koharu pipes in and volunteers to take Ash’s place. Gou’s thrown off by this, but accepts her request anyway. When asked, Koharu states that this mission interests her. The two have some small talk on the way there, leading up to Koharu asking Gou if he wants to talk about something, in which he denies. Koharu drops it for now, but picks it up later once they arrive. She eventually drives it out of him, and encourages Gou to tell Ash how he feels. After a bit more back and forth she comes up with a plan: once they get home, she’d have her dad find a local mission for him and Ash to go on alone. When Ash gets back, they go on said mission and Gou confesses to him. Flustered and annoyed, Gou agrees. They take care of the mission and head back. Ash hasn’t returned yet, giving them plenty of time to prepare. 

Ep 2 (technically optional, but not rlly fdgfdh): We get Ash’s side of the story. He heads out to Pallet Town solo to visit his mom for a few days for her birthday. Prof. Oak picks him up, and they drive through the country side. Ash looks longingly back as the city skyline vanishes behind the hilltops. Pikachu comes in for a nuzzle, which cheers him up. Oak drops him off at his house, in which Ash is greeted warmly by Delia. He hands her the gift he bought her. A flashback/ mental image could play of Gou leading him through a shopping mall said gift, making sure he doesn’t get lost or distracted. Pans back to Ash letting out a small giggle, dawning the same longing expression as before. Delia asks him what’s wrong, in which Ash breaks out of his gay daze and goes back to his chipper self. He enters the house exclaiming something along the lines of his mom’s cooking, or being excited about sleeping in his own bed again. Delia is still in the doorway, shooting a concerned/curious glance at her son. The entire episode contains moments like this where Ash recalls a moment with Gou, or expresses how his wishes Gou was there, and just thinking about him in general a lot.

Side note: I believe this is the same mindset that he had when he and Gou split up in the Darkest Day Arc. The difference here being that he’s in no immediate danger, distracting him from these thoughts. Anyway, I will now continue with my rambling esdtgdf.

Ash then goes around the town, heading up to Prof. Oak’s lab. He passes by some neighbors, waving hello here and there, possibly running into Gary as well. Gary might pick up on the gayness Ash is unknowingly producing, but says nothing on the matter; maybe a chuckle before heading off. Ash reunites with all his Pokemon. Once again, he starts to think about Gou and how much he’d enjoy meeting his Pokemon. At dinner that night, Delia asks him about his recent adventures. As Ash describes them, Delia picks up on how much he’s talking about Gou. She asks how Gou’s doing, in which Ash starts going off about how many Pokemon he’s caught and how much he has improved in battling. He possibly mentions the events in ep 40, once again dawning a face of longing. Delia notices and points out how much Ash cares about him, leading into a mom-tangent about how she hopes Gou’s keeping up his promise to look after him and that Ash better be taking care of himself and not getting into too much trouble, etc. The next couple days Ash spends more time with his Pokemon; battling with them, introducing his new ones to them, and telling them stories. Prof. Oak comes out to tell him that he’s getting a call from Prof. Kukui. The Alola gang give their greetings as they chat for a bit. Kiawe brings up Gou, asking if he’s stayed true to the claims he made during their battle. Ash once again goes off about Gou, expressing stuff like how Gou technically caught Eternatus, along with the whole Zacian and Zamazenta thing. The ep ends with Ash saying goodbye to his mom and heading back to the city. On the car ride, he makes claims of excitement over going back to the lab. They arrive at the bottom of the lab near the steps. Prof. Oak drops Ash off and says goodbye before heading back to Pallet. Ash enthusiastically runs up the stairs and slams open the door to the main lab area. He’s greeted by Prof. Sakuragi along with the lab staff.

Ep 3: Ep 3 picks up right off from the last ep. After saying hello to the Prof. and the staff, Ash quickly asks where Gou is. The Prof. informs him that Gou’s with the Pokemon, then proceeds to stop Ash as he instantly tries to run off. The Prof. explains to Ash the mission that Koharu had him find, stating that it’s heavily preferred if they could address it as soon as possible. THEN Ash runs off. We cut to Gou and Koharu in the Pokemon garden area (idk what that place is technically called). Koharu is reassuring Gou while they feed the Pokemon their morning meal. Ash soon comes running in, spots them, and waves them down. He mentions the mission and the two just about leave before Koharu stops them and goes inside to get something. She comes back out with a picnic basket, stating that they’ll be gone most of the day and they need to eat. She gives Gou a smug look. He blushes in both an embarrassed and flustered manner. We then get a couple scenes of them traveling out of the city and into the hillside. These would be similar scenes as in ep 46 where they’re traveling on the island, creating silly and gay moments in the process. Gou would naturally be very nervous and easily flustered. This catches Ash’s attention, harboring some concern on his end. Ash therefore becomes visibly more protective. The two eventually reach a clearing, an area they instantly recognize. They find themselves standing in a field of vibrant flowers, the same area that Lugia had dropped them off when they first met. Ash takes the picnic basket from Gou, stating that this was good a place as any for lunch. They setup the picnic that Koharu had put together, or at least, the best that these two idiots could manage on their own. Ash starts going in on the sandwiches that were packed. A flashback plays of Koharu suggesting that Gou should confess when they stopped for lunch. They release their Pokemon to wonder about as they eat; Lucario and Cinderace join them at the picnic. Cinderace (who’s in on this) notices how nervous Gou is and goes in for a hug to reassure him. He returns the hug and whispers a very quiet “thank you”. After letting go, Cinderace would motion for Lucario to follow. The two Pokemon walk out into the forest, leaving Ash and Gou alone. Gou asks him about his trip to try and ease into a conversation. Ash would briefly tell him about it, and ends stating that he’ll take Gou along with him next time. At that, he stares caringly into Gou’s eyes, dawning a smile. Gou then starts the beginning of a sentence, starting to heavily blush similarly to how he did at the end of ep 3. His words begin to stutter and his hands start to stim nervously. He finally gets it out, confessing his feelings. Ash is clearly taken aback, but not in a bad way. Then a wave of realization washes over him. He laughs softly under his breath, having a similar reaction as THAT scene in ep.40 where the clouds clear away from behind Gou, you know what I mean. Still paralleling that scene, Ash makes a similar statement along the lines of, “I really am an idiot, aren’t I? I mean, it took you telling me that for me to even realize that I have feelings for you,”. Something like that. Gou, who has been a mess this whole time, freezes at this and looks up at Ash. After a few moments of eye contact, they both burst into laughter over how big of a dumbass they each are. They calm down, Gou gently grabs onto Ash’s hand, and goes in for a quick and nervous pec on the lips. Ash doesn’t expect this, but accepts it happily; he gives Gou a big, caring smile of reassurance. Cinderace comes bolting in, tackling Gou to the ground in a big, prideful hug. Lucario walks in from behind them, giving Ash a sly little grin. A montage plays of them finishing up the mission, displaying their new habit of frequently holding hands and overall being very adorable. We then cut to the lab. It’s going on to twilight, and Koharu’s just getting home from school. She walks in and puts her stuff down before exclaiming how Ash and Gou aren’t back yet. Not having the chance to do so until now, Prof. Sakuragi asks her what this whole arranged mission thing was about anyways. Shortly after a quick explanation, Wanpachi/Yamper is heard barking outside the front door. Koharu jolts up, telling everyone to stay calm and to be supportive. The two boys walk through the door with a noisy Wanpachi barking and running around their legs. The first thing Koharu notices is the fact that their hands are intertwined. Glancing up, she’s met with a grinning Ash and a very exhausted but very happy Gou; he looks as if he could burst out crying at any moment. She lets out a sigh of relief, stating that she had told him he had nothing to worry about. The staff and Prof. start clapping and cheering in congratulations. The narrator starts talking, stating something along the lines of “they became boyfriends” as the show freezeframes on Ash giving Gou a kiss on the cheek.  AND THERE THAT IS. I apologize once again for the poorly written fanfic this became.  

[rotworld]

A Levine Post

an anon asked:

hi! just wanted to say i rlly loved levine too lol i think he’s super interesting! do you think you’ll write more for him one day 👀? and if it’s not too much of a bother, could we have some fun facts about him since he’s your favorite!

i will write about the pariahs (and levine) again sometime, they’re blog originals and favorites so i have a lot of ideas. but in the meantime, i think it’d be fun to talk about him. here’s an introduction to levine for those who haven’t met him, and some trivia for those who have.

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have you ever known someone that you didn’t really know at all? he’s hard to describe. you think back and it’s like there was a hole in the shape of a person at that party. a featureless place where someone might’ve been standing. the eyes, though--you remember his eyes. they remind you of awful things; black glass. stagnant water. some rubbery, formaldehyde-stinking thing you dissected in a science class. eyes just like that.

levine is from we pariahs, an original series about a reader character entangled in a complex relationship with three very different guys. known by acquaintances and associates as “that creepy motherfucker,” he has an unsettling demeanor and is the subject of many rumors. it’s difficult to say where the outlandish stories end and the facts begin with levine, but here are a few things that seem likely:

he’s mostly nocturnal. it’s unclear what he does for a living, but whatever it is, he must be used to the night shift.

allegedly, he doesn’t live alone and in fact shares the apartment with his mother. no one in the group has ever seen her.

he’s not a people person, but he knows how to read people frighteningly well.

if jay, rex and levine all got in a fight, there are a number of factors that could determine who wins. in a contest of pragmatism, levine comes out on top.

levine is actually his last name. he prefers it.

levine and the cast of we pariahs were first introduced in sore loser, a piece set in the future where the group have a lively reunion after splitting up years before. although some things never changed, the characters and their dynamic are a bit different in some ways. in sore loser:

levine is a psychologist. despite having a regular day job, he still keeps terrible hours and is often up late at night.

he’s even better at reading people. if you end up in a room alone with him, you won’t have any secrets left.

he owns more than one property and is doing very well for himself. so well, in fact, that jay and rex are suspicious he’s got something else going on the side.

due to the loose nature of the series and the character dynamics, we pariahs has spawned a lot of alternate scenarios and universes behind the scenes. one that’s featured on the blog is the inhuman au, in which each of the guys isn’t human and their intentions towards the reader and one another are different. in the inhuman au:

levine is a blend of an incubus and sleep paralysis demon.

it doesn’t appear that he grew up around humans or spends much time with them aside from feeding. because of this, he knows very little about human behavior and comes across as immediately, instinctively wrong to most people.

the apartment complex where he lives has recurring electrical problems due to his presence.

and to wrap things up, here’s levine’s playlist. it’s called “three in the morning” but it could also be called “concentrated depression.”

->madraykin - queen adreena

->spin spin sugar - sneaker pimps

->gravel - bones feat. fifty grand

->exxus - glass animals

->happy - mother mother

->stripped - shiny toy guns

->running up that hill - placebo

->into your heart - trevor something

->a little death - the neighbourhood

->severed arm - fifty grand

->post blue - placebo

[holyjareau]

imo, the show was often unilaterally focused on Piper, but only on what she could do for others (Piper the wife and Piper the mother) rather than who she was as a person. Piper's individual characterization was lost sometime around s5 as soon as she got pregnant, and being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series. I would be very interested to hear what you define as Piper's mental issues/trauma, bc as you say it doesn't get said enough

this has been in my inbox forever and i’m just getting around to it so my apologies.

but okay. so. yes. i think a lot of tv shows fall into this weird place where like. all of their characters begin with these kinda vague personalities because you’re just getting to know them. and as the show goes on, you pick up more pieces and stuff . and that’s great. that’s interesting and entertaining and it takes you on a journey and all. but often what happens is many shows fall into this pit where writers either get lazy, they change, or whatever, and the actors are tired of playing the part or whatever . and like. the characters become like. caricatures of themselves. and it just gets exhausting to watch because they’re not like. real people anymore.

Piper's individual characterization

so now for the charmed thing. so from the beginning. i have loved piper. like she’s the middle sister, overlooked, quiet, reserved, pessimistic but also realistic, gentle, thoughtful, all that. we see right away that she loves to cook .. she’s so happy her family is back together. she kept in touch with phoebe behind prue’s back. but she’s loyal to the both of them. her first idea was to have a reunion dinner when phoebe came home. she’s literally so cute n she deserves a hug. but no like. as we go on, we see that she wants to be good, she wants a stable life with no more loss, she Loves Love !! like. she wants to just be happy , open her own restaurant n just cook. she’s also so shy .. definitely panicky and anxious. and she doesn’t trust herself. she’s skeptical of everything, and she’s very thoughtful when it comes to big situations. even in the early days with leo and into season 2, she mentioned a few things about like “i’ve been thinking a lot about this...” and you can see she’s good at communicating with people. she’s also got these other dimensions to her like . she is interested in lots of cuisine types, she loves to read (and is a camus fan !!) , she drives a jeep (which i wanna know how she got bc i have questions), when she found out she was a witch her first thought was just . i need to go and see if i am still a good person . and she went to church. prue was surprised to learn that piper enjoys knitting. in the early seasons (especially mid-late season 3) we saw her with her plants and all. she’s just this natural peacekeeper. but like. we literally got a crying scene in the second episode because she was so conflicted about this. and she’s such a deep and complex character that i fell in love with so fast . and like . literally my favourite fictional character to exist . genuinely holly breathed so much life into piper . anyway . so. here’s the thing.

being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series

like. piper was who i described above. and like . i kinda think . a bit. that like . the writers . especially in s4 . were like . hmm well  . she’s just lost prue, she’s gonna be grieving . and like we need more for her. so. she’s been married to leo for the better part of a year, been with him for like . 3 years. so. let’s maybe consider giving them a kid but not just yet . just Content kinda stuff. so anyway they drop little hints in here and there starting in like . 4x07 i think? which . brain drain really paid the rent . fully just. holly did so well. but like. that ep was just. a neat way of looking into her mind and seeing the horrors of manipulation and gaslighting and everything . and of course holly knocked it out of the park. but at that point, they were kinda like . hmm . kids ? and they started toying with the idea, having piper and leo consider it, talk about it, they had paige and phoebe ask about it , all of that good stuff. as you do. made for some funny tv at some points. and like . i really, really Get It . when piper’s like . ahh the baby wouldn’t be safe around here !!!! like. Girl, Valid . your sister just died and like . you went on forever about how she was The Most Powerful One . The Strongest One . and yet she still died . so she’s like ??? am i next ?? and like obv it doesn’t make sense for her to jump on this train of like . i’m gonna have a kid !!!! so she’s really valid in her thought process there. and like. after having wyatt . i think the writers really . idk. couldn’t do waaay too much with her character anymore because i feel like . to an extent, anything she does will be scrutinized bc i’m not just . saying this . i rlly feel like sometimes piper’s the easiest to hate. like idk why but i loved her. but anyway. if she stays at home with wyatt and doesn’t wanna fight demons n all . then she’s selfish towards her sisters n she’s awful n prue wouldn’t have let her do that !!!! etc . but if she fought demons it’s like . uh sweetie you have a child . really ??? why put yourself in a situation that might have you ending up like patty 2.0 ... bc i could do a Whole post on how patty’s situation messed piper up the most. but anyway.

it’s the way i’m fully rambling so if you’re reading this . i love you . anyway okay . so . i think in a tv show you’ve gotta kinda check boxes. the best tv shows have characters you see yourself in . you relate to them. you hear them and understand their decisions and actions and thoughts. the things they do just makes sense 2 you. so like. with prue, anyone married to their job could relate to her. any oldest sibling could see themselves in her, you know ? she was hard-working, committed, logical, protective. and with phoebe, anyone who couldn’t “settle down” in their early 20s related 2 her, anyone who felt like the outcast of the family, the “screw-up” .. right. makes sense. she was so kind, caring, had-your-back kinda girl. we all love those. paige was like . the new kid, trying to fit in, creative, curious, and definitely a lifelong learner. and then there’s piper who was shy, resistant, really just wanted to be normal. and loved. and i think everyone could kinda identify with at least one of the sisters regardless of where you stood in your own family. so as the show went on, it’s like . they still want you to keep watching and keep being able to identify with them because it’s not like they’re humans with normal lives so they’ve already kinda lowkey got that going against them . so their more “human” and normal lives... we’ve gotta be able to identify with them to be able to invest time. so they had prue always working, having trouble balancing love and work, looking out for her family. we had phoebe kinda living her life, getting her career going, then kinda wanting a family. we had paige learning magic and being super interested and involved and then getting married. and we had piper who had her career pretty early on, got married, and had kids. like. i think the big thing is the marriage and kids. and when you’re a mother . the only mother really in the show, the show lowkey centres around you . like. for starters, the show usually is in the manor, and if you’re a mother, you’re very likely at home, esp with young kids. so i think that alone kinda was like . huh yeah . won’t see piper out waaay too much anymore i guess !!! but no like . there’s That. that’s kinda. the thing that really can’t change with the show . like. piper’s got kids now and a husband and very, very likely . her life will be centred around her home. which. listen she’s wanted that i think - the stability . she’s wanted that forever. and this is the form it came in. but i should stop rambling here and cut to the point .

Piper's mental issues/trauma

disclaimer: i’m not diagnosing her, i’m just speculating based off of my own experiences with mental health

so. okay. very early on. we saw that anxiety. like. yes . she was nervous about like a whole new life experience . or whatever we’re gonna call it when you figure out you’re a witch . but like she was Anxious . like. crying in the attic over being a bad person . needing phoebe to talk her down by telling her she’s such a caring person, she’s always doing things for other people . and then there’s the whole anxiety that comes with. my family’s falling apart because my sisters are fighting so i use really awkward methods of getting out of things . like using humour as a coping mechanism !!! which. gave us some iconic one-liners. but that’s beside the point . anyway. point is. early on, that anxiety was there. there’s an ep in season 1 where she’s literally entering a panic attack in her kitchen and phoebe’s using a menu to cool her down. like. Yikes! and then she’s just. her awkward self around everyone but that’s endearing and is just part of her personality . and i think a lot of the anxiety stemmed from childhood. we heard a few times about how prue and phoebe had boyfriends growing up, were always pretty and popular and all. phoebe was popular, too, just, in the other crowd. but nonetheless, piper faded into the background, doing well in math - well enough to go off and be a banker . and like. she sacrificed a lot for grams. she stayed in san francisco ... we all know the girl had the marks for stanford or something . like. though . still, i think she liked the stability of home and prob would’ve stayed . but in 3x17 she’s all !!! grams !!! the doctor said no caffeine !!! and when grams was taking the pic of them outside and she had an episode , piper was all !!!! shallow breaths !!! like. it was clear piper was the one taking her to the appointments and footing the bill. like. she literally became a banker just bc it had benefits n stuff. like. poor girl really thought . anyway that’s a whole spiral. but no. like she really sacrificed The Most for her family and everyone still thought she was selfish for wanting to move out . when like back then grams was literally ... sick ... and prue was out here moving out and phoebe was nowhere to be found . so. that . definitely would have added to her anxiety about even wanting to do anything for herself because she’ll be perceived as selfish in a heartbeat. even if it’s not Mean . it’s just. she’d never risk it. but there’s the anxiety. there are a few lil things here n there about how she gets nervous n stuff, she represses things (3x07 i think was where phoebe said piper represses her anger n just sucks it up n does whatever) . she literally cancelled her doctor’s appointment Twice . anyway. it still angers me. then in season 7 . patty and victor were like . oh she had night terrors that were so bad we took her to the doctor ! and i just ... honey . baby. she thought she caused the divorce. at 4? 5? she watched victor leave on her 5th birthday, watched a demon attack her, grams, and victor. prue said she didn’t cry at patty’s funeral and i’ll make a safe bet that piper did. and i think growing up without patty was strange for sure. prue had more memories and phoebe had none. and piper had fragments of this person everyone loved . and she was stuck between knowing her and not knowing her. and when patty was sent to her for her wedding day, (as well as in 1x17) . both times when patty hugged them . prue and phoebe hugged her, eyes closed n all. while piper was on the outside, eyes open . looking numb as all hell . and you know. i rlly think she was Giving Them That because phoebe didn’t get her and prue kinda . in a way. lost more of her . if that makes sense ?? and i just. patty really was like . they sent me to You. and 5 seconds later . piper’s like . they sent mom to Us !!! and it’s that idea of sacrifice and never having anything for yourself because she was never just . given anything for herself . everything in her life has been a sacrifice and as a mother, that’s perpetuated. she can assume that role with more of a purpose . like. people won’t really feel sorry for her now as the “forgotten” sister, they won’t try and coddle her or anything. and another thing. control. piper craved stability and control. i think while cooking was something she loved, it also gave her a lot of control . she could control her whole kitchen . even in season 8 .. maybe vaya con leos actually . leo mentioned how much piper craves control. and the control motif makes sense with her powers too. like. piper craved control so much that her powers allowed her to control things down to the atom. so there’s the whole anxiety and needing to control things to ease her anxiety and all. there’s That whole thing.

and then we get to the infamous season 5 fearless spell . ms girl really sat in the attic just writing everything on the wall and it’s the way i screenshotted it and like . zoomed in and tried deciphering it . and like . there’s words like “stop” and i think “sister” is in there a few times, so is “loss” or “lost”. when i watch it next i’ll grab a cap because it’s . disturbing. girl was so scared . literally was writing a spell to get rid of her fears . she also writes Fear . as in. capital F . and like. yeah that’s deep but i do it too like i emphasize words with a capital letter . and like holly marie combs might just have quirky n fun writing but like ... capital F . for Fear. for real . that’s . trauma !!! and she also was having panic attacks at the beginning of season 5. let’s not forget those. which ... we should’ve gotten more of an explanation for . i hope that girl is getting help bc she was Going Through It . and in season 7 when zankou reads her diary . firstly. we Knew this girl kept a diary like . for Sure . she did. and just that little excerpt of when prue died . oops. i’d pay big money to see the rest because again i just think she’s got such a complex mind and like. i’d be so interested to read that. and i think everything re: prue is just Awful for her. like . idk if this is just something quirky i noticed but obv we know prue died in may 2001 . but at the end of 4x03, when piper goes 2 paige’s work 2 bring her muffins !! soft !!! the calendar on one of the desks reads july 2001 ... and i really just. ms girl. i Know they prob just filmed the ep in july but it honestly tracks that she’d be so awfully upset about everything and just . barely able to do anything but cook . for 2 months. like. honey. baby. i wanted 2 just cuddle her bc she was so sad. and like. she tells paige she’s having “good hours” and “not so good hours” . she’s going by the Hour . by the Hour . just. need i say more . i’m so . but no like. if anything like i could see her having like . depression where she’s high-functioning and like just . walking depression i guess ?? like . not even after prue. i think in general. like . she definitely has a melancholic temperament and a type 6 enneagram (the skeptic). that’s For Sure . but i think. just. she’s always just had time to think bc she’s always alone, reading, knitting, cooking, tending to her plants, all that. and i just . think. she has issues. and i think prue knew that. of all people. and i think her knowing that . and then dying. destroyed piper. she lost the last person that was truly a constant in her life . like they shared a roof over their heads forever. and then she was just . gone . and piper was suddenly left to pick up the pieces . and become the oldest sister . and i’m So glad she didn’t fully assume her personality. i’m glad she stayed as piper . just. she’s more cynical and snarky and defensive and cold and that’s okay. she’s hurting. she’s always gonna hurt . and i think it makes her human . she’s pessimistic and sad and has a short fuse at times . but just. again. i love her to bits and i think those issues make her more relatable for me. because while many like to say she became selfish and a negative person and just . awful to be around . i’d say the opposite . i won’t sit and apologize or justify things. also i don’t think piper’s done anything wrong . i just think she’s hurt. she’s been wronged so many times. and she’s .... scared. i think she’s scared . and in season 5 “sympathy for the demon” we learn her true biggest fear is her happiness being stolen away. and like . it’s not that she’s scared she won’t be happy. she’s scared all of the good she’s got will be taken from her . and that’s . terrifying . so . i see why she’s so snarky and bitter and tired and all . she’s terrified of things being taken from her like they have been her whole life. and as i watch the show i really like to just keep that in mind as i get further and further in because yes. she did become a mother and a wife and we saw her arguing with leo a lot and their marriage falling apart and That Whole Era . we saw how it kind of took over her life but i think it happens . i think she even said at one point . i’ve been so many things to so many people, i don’t know who i am anymore . and i think it sums her up perfectly. she doesn’t know who she is because she’s someone to everyone . she’s just. nobody to herself except this scared little girl who just wants Something . Anything . to make sense . some Stability . and her babies, her husband, and her sisters . are all she has for that idea of stability to make sense in her mind. and it was an easy hole to fall into - the Mother - but i think she jumped in. because at the Very Least . nobody could take that title away from her . regardless of how hard they tried .

[kats-kradle]

Hi hello yes I actually found your blog while I was looking for Ronon Dex whump, something there is not nearly enough of, and I just wanted to say that should you ever want to share your thoughts about him, whump-related or otherwise, I'm around to hear them,,, I care him very much (which is why I like to see him hurt... funny how that works).

OHOHOHOHOHO DID SOMEONE SAY THE MAGIC WORDS “RONON WHUMP”????? And yes there is not NEARLY enough Ronon whump!!! Buckle up I don’t think you know what you’ve unleashed by offering to let me talk about this XD i have 43 (i counted thats not an exaggeration) unfinished fics where i whump this man so i have A Lot of Thoughts on this so i’ll try to keep my headcanons and general thoughts from getting mixed up so here we go (also I haven’t actually seen past season 3ish but I know like everything)

Just general thoughts

I just love the team dynamic in general the actors had great chemistry with each other

They don’t whump Ronon enough and that is A Crime.    

But when they do whump him OH BOY ITS GOOD

Just off the top of my head I can think of     the episode where John and Elizabeth were possessed by those people who     wanted to kill each other and ronon got SHOT that was dope especially when     it showed the surgery but I was so mad there was no aftercare

Also just the fact that after Ronon was shot the guy possessing John said (about John) something like “if only you could hear him right now he is screaming so loud” or something to that effect and I’m not really a John whumper but oh boy the thought of John fighting as hard as he could to try and get control back because he wants to help Ronon rlly adds to the experience

After atlantis flies and John is going around checking the damage and he finds Ronon with the shard of glass in his shoulder juts the way he kneels down next to him is so soft and his voice goes soft too its great

I haven’t gotten there yet but ohoho the enzyme episode where Ronon gets drugged and then has to go through withdrawal ohooho I may have watched that scene a few hundred times

I just love also how fiercely loyal Ronon is and how much he trusts them

That ep where those villagers were going to give them to the wraith and Ronon literally would rather die than let his friends be taken to the wraith I love how John and Teyla go through like  45 heart attacks that’s one of the ones I haven’t gotten to yet but ive  seen gifs and oh boy oh boy does it look good

The way I generally describe Ronon is he’s     like a bug fluffy dog. Like he’s kind of silly sometimes and he’s very     loyal and will kill without hesitation if it means keeping his friends     safe

Also just that whole scene when Ronon arrives     when John is asking Elizabeth if he can stay is just like a kid asking his     mom if he can keep a dog he found

And Ronon has such a sweet smile also I love it when hes happy (but also I love it when hes in pain)

Stargate Atlantis was very well directed because for most definitions of “good acting” you can see “oh this character is sad. Now they are happy” which I do understand that many people prefer  this because they have difficulty interpreting facial expressions but I absolutely adore how subtly expressive the actors are because to me it’s fascinating to decode what the character is feeling. They act like real people and talk in the way real people would and it seems super natural and not scripted, and you can just tell in their interactions that the characters care for each other a lot and its beautiful

Now that I’ve said something vaguely scholarly-like its time to move on to the mess of headcanons

Headcanons

So when rewatching season 2 with my sister I realized the amazing potential for angst involving Kell (his old commander who he killed) so in my mind even though he’s very loyal to John at first it was more of a “you saved my life now I’ll watch your back because I owe you” and he had difficulty trusting any of them but especially John this changes over time ofc but he can’t help being wary of command 

I also hc that Kell  would punish the soldiers in his division for being “unfit” for battle so like if they broke a leg or something they would be punished  (this is mostly just for my guilty pleasure of ANGST) so that way they     would “be more aware” of their surroundings and whatnot 

Also disobey direct  orders was a big no no and you know how laid back John usually is with  orders so the first time Teyla disobeyed a direct order after Ronon joined the team John was grumbling about it in a way Teyla knew wasn’t serious but Ronon just kind of panicked and started lying his ass off and saying he threatened her into doing it and he should take the punishment which led to an awkward conversation (awkward for Ronon, it left his teammates ready for some murdering)

He hides injuries  because he was alone for so long and never had anyone to take care of him so he just forgets that he has to mention it and in his mind some injuries might not be that bad 

Beckett is constantly  chasing him around after missions desperately trying to get him to hold  still for long enough to do a check

Ronon hates pain medicine because it tends to dull his senses so in his mind all the more  reason to avoid Beckett

He is really good friends with Beckett but just not when he’s hurt

Usually he wanders into the medbay after bad nightmares if Beckett is on night shift and will just sit there

One time he hesitantly asked if Beckett could check to make sure that the tracker was actually gone for good

Ronon was expecting to get laughed at but Beckett took the request with the upmost seriousness and ran all the tests he could think of to calm Ronon’s fear

One time Ronon stumbled into the medbay and he obviously hadn’t slept in a while and was flinching at every noise so Beckett made up an excuse to “take some blood to test and see if it would be compatible with vaccines for the common sicknesses  humans get” and just like. Sedated him. Ronon felt betrayed at first but quickly realized that Beckett only did it because he cared about him and wasworried. He did try to get more sleep after that tho

Oh and you can bet Beckett goes off at him if he ever ends up in the medbay which he does to everyone but  especially Ronon because usually he’s either dragged there or he’ll come  in like “yeah so three days ago for the last mission I got hit in the side and now I’m coughing up blood so…” and then will just like pass out

While he was a runner he trained himself to be a light sleeper so adjusting to Atlantis was difficult because the ocean would wake him up every night at first

Also thunderstorms are The Worst to him because 1. It gives him PTSD for when he was a soldier and the wraith were attacking and 2. When he was a runner thunderstorms were almost a death sentence because the wraith could track him but he couldn’t hide he couldn’t hear and he couldn’t see so yeah thunderstorms are real bad for him

He has a constant fear of leading the Wraith to his new home and his new family oh also I decided that he doesn’t know if his mother died or not so every place they go he’s hopeful he’ll see her

This is a hc I had before I knew it was basically canon but he and the team hang out in the cafeteria a lot especially after nightmares they just all gravitate there

Also I haven’t gotten here yet so I’m just going off of what I know but he kind of tried to leave after Beckett died because he managed to find a way to blame himself also one of my hcs is that Beckett would tell him  about Scotland all the time and had decided that if they ever got the opportunity to go to Earth then Ronon was coming to Scotland with him sooo     ehehhe the angst of Ronon going to earth for Beckett’s funeral and going     to Scotland with Beckett but not in the way either of them wanted

On to softer hcs just cuz

He loves hugs. 7 years of being alone would  make anyone want a hug.

Children gravitate to him for some reason. Logically it doesn’t make sense because he’s so big and a bit intimidating but children just adore him

He carries extra snacks for Rodney

He can’t swim. Somehow he went his entire life without knowing how to swim which Rodney is astounded by and goes on about it for a minute or so

John took it upon himself to give him swimming lessons. John was a terrible teacher but Ronon managed to get the idea

He loves cocoa, specifically loaded with marshmallows. Teyla jokes he likes the marshmallows more than the cocoa

Wow this has gone on so much longer than I thought it would

So that’s it! you unleashed the beast. I now demand to hear your thoughts on ronon because boy oh boy hes a great whumpee and im not sure ive met many if anyone who likes to whumpe him so im super excited!!

[everyday-is-brighter-with-you]

CRYING IN THE (WINTER)CLUB

Before starting the ID I want to say there are some OC characters in this, and I’ve described their general appearance in this google doc for ref!

[ ID: Wide front view colored art drawn traditionally and colored digitally. Every character is in fullbody except Dr Habit whos drawn till above legs. In the scene many people are gathered out in the winter snow at a backyard. Snow falls everywhere. Overall pic is light blue toned. There is slight pale vignette around it.

Dr.Habit is looking away and wiping a tear, smiling. In the artists interpretation he has yellow fur, pink hair, stitches on hands, deep red nails.He wears long brown fur coat, big white knitted scarf, black fingerless gloves, black fur ushanka with orange fruits and green leaves design. Wears hair in a long plait. A dark grey maine coon leans into him.

Putunia is laying down, hands on cheeks making a ''ooo'' face in anticipation and glee. In the artists interpretation she has long dark brown curly hair. She wears a purple petunia shaped dress, blue pants, short brim straw hat with fake purple flowers,  thick yellow socks. Wears hair in big pigtails tied with pink bobble ties. She is looking at Lil Habby( the puppet) holding a fire gun to a melting chocolate bar, melting into a cup for making a drink. He wears the usual with a pink flower in hair. He has long thin simple shadow arms and legs here.

Marigold is sitting idle on the grass, looks curiously at snow on his petal hair, maybe even irritated. Near him on a pink cushy sofa with green highlights and little yellow flower designs sits Rose playing his flute eyes closed and legs kicking casually. In this picture his hair is longer. His hair tie rests on a sofa arm.

Behind him the Carlas are making a Snow Carla. Fortune Teller Carla is smiling and keeping a camellia on the snow figure. A red sleeveless dress and red gloves are drawn on her, wears hair in double buns with sparkling grey flower bands encircling buns, green eyeshadow. Another Carla laughs heartily, adding more snow.  A green buttoned dress with yellow ''fluff''  and striped brown cap with same fluff is drawn on her. The third Carla's face is away from viewer, she too is adding snow. A blue dress like Elsa's icy dress and a purple flower crown is drawn on her, though the cape is actually worn. The Snow Carla has one swirly eye dug in, a button eye with leaf lashes and branch eyebrow, carrot nose, red wax lips stuck on. From the camellia tree behind the red-clothed one, a pair of green cat eyes with thick brown brows stare.

Farther away on the other side Kamal is walking in, holding a half eaten pitha in hand while approaching. He holds a bag with a box saying ''To Kamal, with love''. In the artists interpretation his face is acne scarred. He wears a blue-black sweater, purple scarf, blue pants, brown winter shoes with white fluff at the top, one gold earring, frog shape chew necklace, hair is in a bun.

At the center Trevor is reaching up  with a stool and fiddling with a giant vibrating hot chocolate machine. He wears his usual coat with added blue jeans, red scarf with yellow and black stripes, leopard print heels, green goggles, mask for mouth, silver ear piercings. Hair is in a mullet and nails are sharp and black. The machine has a funnel streaming black smoke, and many bright devices on it. In the center of it is a radioactive symbol. On one side to its bottom is a part reading ''DEVIL MODE'' in allcaps with fire graphics, a big red button in a glass case is above it with a note that reads ''Never(underlined) touch'', stuck with a smiley face pin. There is a mounted fish figurine on one handle. The hot chocolate is fizzling over the brim.

Behind him a long table laiden with food is seen. There are swirl designs on the wood's sides. There are red and green apples, borscht, three colored drinks, yorsh, glintvein , 3 tier chocolate cake, shchi, cut open peaches, cut round bread, bowl with sweet bread cakes, three small buns, full breasted chicken in aluminium foil. Lily is looking over the table edge, grinning with the aim of stealing the cake.

There are plants around, a winter garden. In some places a green color overtakes the snow with grass growing. All over the yellow fence, to the left side, are huge clumps of winter jasmine.

To the horizon trees in blue-green shades with snow coverings are seen, closer and then farther and farther away. In that distance the silhouettes of Jimothan smiling and waving to Trencil, while dragging Parsley through the snow behind him are seen. Trencil stands and smiles, a little of his towering purple castle with red highlights, many turrets, visible.

end ID]

DESC UNDER CUT 

yisssss MFERS I made a winter piece before winter was FUCKING OVER sobsob

heres my yearly tribute to the season of nosebleeds cracked lips and flies aND SNOW!!!!!!!!(NOT WHERE I LIVE ;W;)

Also my birthdays really soon. Like next week soon

Ermmm ahffjd to talk a little about what I drew...hmmhfhg...well idk if the perspective( god i tried) makes this look different so ill just throw it out there thats Habits not looking at my sonaJDJVNJ hes looking away and crying due to found family feelings. Carlas doing some gay shit. Pabit+Putunia about to start a small localized natural disaster. I mean how else do u make hot choco without setting chocolate on fire tbh. Hotted chocolate. aNd YeS mY fAmIlY SeLf iNsErTs ArE ThErE tOo >:3. The machine will explode tommorow but its OK. They can make bath bombs from the carnage. Hrhggh I had a different idea but then my sis changed my HC so Im just gonna say Habit built it but with Trevors help hence the flashiness nd DEVIL MODE. Now that ive watched hlvrai i cant stop dropping references this series is so quotable .   Sawww those guys in the back? Honestly Trencils probably a winter person with the low light, fog and blocked sun.

---

EDIT: WELL MY BIRTHDAY GOT OVER AND JANUARY ALMOST TOO DAMN..GETTING OVER MY HEAPING ANXIETY AND POSTING

I dont Expect a lot of notes or anything but I suppose its alright, one of the important things to me is just archiving my art somewhere.

I know the IDs long but I’d recommend reading through if u also wanna like know the specifics of what I drew, OVER 15 PLANTS I THINK   I’d be flattered,

If you reblog with tags i’ll be happy though!!

[ID: The same drawing but with no editing- no vignette, snow overlay, blue overtone or color correction. end ID]

EDIT: Shortened the rlly long ID, but if someone wants to know the plants i drew under ‘winter garden’;  The flowers and plants visible at front are virginia rose, red chokeberry, snowdrops, a single frost covered rose, piers japonica in pots. To the middle inkberry, more snowdrops, colored hellebores patch,  glory of snow, black hellebores patch, pansies, cyclamens, yellow aconite, some more snowdrops. A little farther are two winterberry plants, a camellia tree, witch hazel, english primroses, staghorn sumac. 

[jadedadultritsu]

(hope am not bothering) So like I looked up Birth flowers for January and October (wangxian's bday months) and idk if mxtx did it on purpose but the symbolisms of their birth flowers describes their personalities v accurately and if mxtx did assigned their birthday months like that on purpose they are an absolute genius (sorry if my words don't make sense I'm not very articulate but I need to infodump on some1 so am sorry)

You're not bothering me at all! Why would you think that. 😟😖😭

If anything, this is an opportunity for me to put my research skills into practice and I’m gonna go grab whatever. Also, this is actually an interesting question! :O I will do my best to answer this. So first off, I’ve consulted google if there is a similar ask from before bc 1) we don’t want a duplicate work 2) in case there’s already an existing ask, cross-referencing would be pretty nice :D 3) my memory fails me if I did see interpretations of WangXian birth flowers before, I think I did but I guess it got lost in the v. depths of the internet lmao. So if we looked up at the same site, there isn’t much to interpret actually. But I can def connect it to some events all across adaptions with a few takes haha. 

Ok ok, so here it goes:

For Lan Wangji: January - Carnations & Snowdrops

DUDE, both flowers can bloom in the cold winter months?! And this characteristic is RARE? HELL YES! These flowers are insane, they are to be envied by other flowers they should start shedding off their own petals by now lol (lemme at least personify them). You know who else could withstand such unbearable cold weather?

Him and HIM.

Carnations are also easy to spot bc of its bright color (pretty pretty boy Hanguang-jun in the crowd isn’t smth you see everyday).

Snowdrops symbolizes hope and rebirth. LWJ had hoped countless times already for different things but it’s not like it’s all directed solely for himself. LWJ isn’t a one-dimensional character who exists just to complement (or contrast) WWX’s chara. Remember the line Hanguang-jun being “wherever the chaos is”. I believe some ppl rlly wondered why LWJ didn’t take his own life if he truly loved WWX? (wtf is that even). Who wants another vers. of Romeo and Juliet? He wished to carry on bc of their oaths (paper lantern scene in CQL) and to ward off evil. Plus, WWX’s promise aligns to that of LWJ’s moral values so he HOPED to get them fulfilled as much as possible, prolly 'til his last breath. Ppl keep forgetting that LWJ is an individual too, while I could understand and relate when ppl see them as a single unit mostly. Song Lan still carried on with night-hunting with XXC and AQ’s souls HOPING he could mend them along the way. I'd say that "if he dies, I die too" death trope is so boring now, I could dieeee myself, sir. JC didn't dismiss the possibility of WWX reincarnating. So LWJ must've his fair share of hope that WWX would reincarnate anytime in his lifetime. He's not gonna pursue love anywhere else. It can only be WWX. LWJ's rule-abiding nature loosened significantly during the Nightless City incident. Post-burial mounds siege, he didn't completely cut himself off from the sect affairs, but he did engage with them minimally. That, my friend, is his own vers. of rebirth (a.k.a. character dev't)

Snowdrops are well-known for being droopy-shaped flowers. I interpret this as, although esteemed and ppl have high regards for him, HGJ could still humble himself inspite of the facts.

For Wei Wuxian: October - Marigold & Cosmos

Marigolds’ vibrant color says a lot abt October babies huh. Marigolds symbolize fierce love, passion and creativity. Fierce love for family? Burning passion for knowledge? Need I say more? Creativity idk why but the first thing that popped up in my mind is paper man Wuxian since he’s the only one shown to use that ability. WWX also strives to think outside of the box by thinking of a fourth method in LQR’s quest abt dealing with the resentful executioner’s ghost. I recall a tumblr user saying how WWX is a nerd locking himself up in the Demon-Slaughtering Cave performing experiments, inventing demonic tools, and whatnot. So he wasn’t merely a mischief-maker all along lmao. "Marigolds also have a long tradition of being used medicinally to heal inflammation and skin problems” - sure, if transferring the cursed mark from JL’s leg to your own leg would count lol.

Cosmos flowers represent peace and tranquility. Although loud most of the time, he can read and sense any f up situation and can appreciate peace at times and as needed. “They also attract bees, so are a great flower to grow to draw pollinators to your garden!” dkdnfkdnfdk LWJ is the bee. <3

So you’ve finally reached the end, I applaud you. Congrats and thank you for keeping up with me this far. Now let’s get to the real quest, did MXTX assign the birth months to her chara’s on purpose with that basis in mind? Was it purely coincidence? I vote for the latter. If I were a Danmei author and I wanted to assign a birth month for the stoic-faced and icy personality chara, I’d conveniently assign a winter month. Same goes for WWX. Since WWX shifted to the heretic and wicked path, I, too, would conveniently assign him a birthday near Halloween. Surely, the birth flowers interpreters have also given this a lot of thought associating the corresponding flowers accordingly to the seasons while meticulously considering the characteristics of these flowers.

[tyonfs]

🤧: did you ever feel embarrassed the first time you posted smut? Cause meeee rn lmaoo

I posted a oneshot of smut and I’m like going through the aftereffects of feeling awkward like sis I really did that haha

I’m impressed you can continuously write smut cause like how do you get over that embarrassed phase? loll

Hope you are well ❤️

HELLOOO i’m doing well !! just nervous bc final tomorrow AHHH but hopefully it’ll go good 😳 how about you? i hope things are good 💖

AND PLS 💀💀 I WAS NERVOUS AS HELL THE FIRST TIME I POSTED SMUT

tbh i created this blog to practice smut bc i want my main blog to just be horror/angst fics, and i didn’t expect it to get a big response here 👁 and tbh it taught me that smut is HARD, like horror always came naturally to me bc the ideas are so fresh in my head but smut is like 🧎‍♀️ okay how do i describe intercourse differently this time than how i described it in my last fic

and i’ll have to read your smut soon !! after my final tmrw i’m def getting to it 😽

and pls i still get embarrassed over my smut 💀💀 that’s a big part of why i don’t take nsfw asks on this site bc it makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed to read/answer them LMFAO i’d rather just post my own nsfw content and run away

like requests are cool w me 👍 but if you ask me to imagine jaemin fingering me or someone else then i’m gonna have to pretend i never saw it 🏃‍♂️ plus idk if anons are adults or minors so i’m not gonna answer with a “imagine jaehyun doing this and that to you”

but trust the buildup to getting to write and publish smut was a courageous decision ✊ i was VERY hesitant LOL i think i started with a suggestive fic and built up to an actual smut and even then i was still wary about how it was 😭

but honestly smut isn’t my go-to all the time HAHAH like i love to self indulge sometimes 💆‍♀️ but sometimes i prefer the story so i do post fics without smut on other blogs so it’s not all i have to show for my writing

also my fic “that’s rich” could’ve worked just as well without the smut now that i look back on it LMFAO when i was plotting it, i made it super smut heavy and it was pure self indulgence but as i wrote it, i suddenly wanted to incorporate all these little things and tbh i like it a lot better !! it was pretty much a big projection of my commitment issues LMFAO but my intention was for people to be able to relate to the characters and i’m glad it conveyed that

tbh i was super scared about publishing it because when i wrote on wattpad, people tore down my ocs a lot 😭 that was the one thing that kinda scarred me about writing about topics close to heart bc i tend to give my mcs flaws that some readers don’t want, and on wattpad my mcs would be dragged through the dirt

like i had this fic based on russian roulette, so like seven girls playing a game of russian roulette and the winner gets the guy they all like. so obviously most of them were toxic and hating them is understandable bc they were bitches LMFAO but when ppl started to slut shame them i was like 😭 wait outta pocket that’s too far

and then my other characters would breathe and get hated on for no reason. like there was this scene where jimin opened a letter and the comments were like “NO JIMIN YOURE SO DUMB” and then in the next chapter taehyung throws his letter instead of opening it like jimin and the comments were like “TAEHYUNG WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT”

so i eventually felt exhausted and felt like i couldn’t make my characters do anything without them getting hated on so i scrapped that book and lost motivation to write it 😀 i even wanted to rewrite for nct it the other day but i took a look at the comments and went 👨‍🦯 okay nvm

and i’m SORRY this went on such a LONG tangent but basically i think i rlly prefer writing smut on this website bc the community is much more accepting of character flaws and gives them the chance to see them develop !! and i hope you can apply that mentality to your smut fics and realize that we’re all here to support you 💕