#i respect you but i hope ur brain lets up a lil so u can fully enjoy stuff should u accidentally get spoiled 😭

[wannaeatramyeon]

HIII how are u doing girlie😍🤞🤞 Anyways can u pls write a scenario where ur classmates (htf characters?) find out ur dating seong taehoon and their reactions?? You dont need to if u dont want to ofc<333

Hey Anon! Thanks for the ask <3 I'm doing great!! Brain rotting away as expected but HAPPY FRIDAY! Hope you're doing well too and having a good start to the month :)

Don't you agree that there's a disappointingly small amount of writing for our lil nutjob?

Please enjoy the whiplash of my change in tone!

HTF discovering You & Taehoon dating!

Things were tentative between you and Taehoon. You've only been dating for a couple months, and you're still getting to know this side of him. Well. You say this side but it's still the same old Taehoon that you've come to grow very fond of.

The one that tells everyone to piss off but comes running, no, sprinting when one of his friends need his help. Who threatens to beat everyone up, but will come to your defence with no hesitation. This prickly, insufferable little shit.

Sometimes you worry about your own sanity for liking someone like Taehoon, but then he gives you a look in the middle of the company meetings and your feel your entire body flush and your heart palpitate. And you think about just being alone with him, the way that he looks at you like he wants to devour you, the way his hand runs all over your body and god bless his pale skin because it's so obvious how crazy you're driving him despite how cool he plays it- "Huh? Sorry Rumi, I missed that question. What did you ask?"

You know already this guy has no respect for other people's personal space, but since you've gotten together, a complete and utter lack of personal space has become the norm. At least when no one else is around.

Taehoon corners you in the company house.

"You got 500 won?" He's leaning casually on the wall, blocking your path of exit. He wears a smug smirk as his face moves closer to yours.

You roll your eyes, "Get your own 500 won, I'm not lending you any more money you bastard."

He glances down at your lips, "How about a kiss then?"

Bastard indeed. You blush, but with him so close by, with his lidded gaze and goddamn pretty pink lips slightly parted... you couldn't say no if you tried.

You lean forward to kiss him, and Taehoon deepens it before you have a chance to move away. His arm circles around your waist, pressing your entire body against him. You put your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer and his hands start to roam your body. Perhaps you and Taehoon should move this somewhere more private-

A glass shatters. "OH MY GOD!!"

You both turn and see the entirety of Hobin Yu company frozen in shock.

Fuck. This was why you shouldn't be making out in the living room.

Hobin: Very happy for you! Congrats Y/N!!! But then after a moment... wait. Hold on. The reality of the situation sinks in. What?! That psycho Taehoon managed to bag you???

Yeah Taehoon has a nice face but his personality STINKS. How can anyone stand him? AND MOST important of all: how did you guys beat him and Bomi getting together?! Life is so unfair!

Snapper: similiar reaction as Hobin. Who tf can put up with that nutjob. Side eyes you a bit cos surely you must have a few screws loose too. But... the opportunities for a newtube channel! Couple dates, couple vlogging! Ok, maybe this isn't such a bad development.

Gaeul: completely clueless. Even Gyeoul has commented on you two getting closer. This innocent little chick just thought... well, she didn't know what she thought - maybe you guys were just close friends? "You fellas, I'm so happy for you. Now don't you young whippersnappers get up to no good!"

Rumi: Oh Y/N I'm so happy for you! Hold on- let me just text Wangguk to set up a double date. What you doing this Saturday?

Mangi: another cinnamon roll. Gives you and Taehoon the biggest hug, squeezing the life out of you whilst Taehoon is just glaring, gearing up to give him a kick. So so happy for you, wishes you guys a lifetime of happiness (woah, steady on Mangi we've just gotten together!!) and that you are as happy as him and his girlfriend <3

Yeonwoo: You've always been nice and sweet to him. So you and Taehoon? Together? You're making this lil genius's brain hurt. Of course he'll congratulate the both of you, he's too polite to do otherwise. But his protective side flares up to make sure Taehoon treats you right.

Gyeoul: Who fucking cares

Taehoon finding out about everyone finding out: Headaches all around. What the fuck is wrong with these losers? Gets inundated with questions about you and their relationship. "Bastard that's none of your business", "Ask more questions if you want to die".

Temporarily wonders if this is worth it, but then looks at you and ok. Maybe it is. "Fuck, I'm so cringe I'm going to kick my own ass"

[monstress]

hii. if u dont mind, could u please share that "change of attitude" towards journaling? i feel like i really need that.. since i myself changed my attitude towards drawing and have been much more productive and happy doing it this last year. however Writing About Myself its another beast completely.. hope u r having a nice day! 🍃

hope you're having a lovely day as well! anyways as i was typing this up, what starts as a small tidbit has gone off the rails so i suppose this is my blanket advice as a newbie in journaling:

the materials!

choosing the titular journal aka notebook:

soft vs hard cover - i didn't realize this is SUCH a deciding factor until much later. most people prefer soft covers since journals can get massive with use but it's very subjective. be tactile - if it just don't feel right in ur hands, it's not gonna be something u reach out for when u have free time.

size - the most common sizes are A5, A6 or regular aka travelers notebook. you have to think abt who you are as a writer. do u have a large handwriting that takes up pages and pages? do you like space or are you overwhelmed by a blank page? do you travel a lot and do u want something unobtrusive in your bag? choose something that will reasonable work as a part of your daily life.

paper texture - paper that is smooth to write in are a great source of pleasure. notebooks with 100gsm paper is a good benchmark.

price - pleaseeee do not break the bank to purchase a fancy notebook. an expensive notebook can become an unloved one. you'd be too stressed to ensure every entry is perfect and pretty enough and the notebook eventually becomes too intimidating for you to fill in. check out your local hypermarket or online stores for quality notebooks. moleskins are overrated--in my country, they are v v expensive so don't feel pressure to buy a certain stationary just bc you see them often on ig/tiktok like my journal cost me approximately RM10 (USD2.34) and my new one w 100gsm paper cost me RM17 (USD4) like affordable options are out there!

build a connection with your notebook - listen...this sounds strange but having an attachment with your journal and making it inviting as possible is a great source of motivation. personalize it: add stickers, doodle or paint the cover. get a fabric/pvc cover to keep it clean if you'd like (you can add lil papers/stickers on ur actual notebook cover before putting on the pvc cover! very cute and easy)

and your pens:

again: less is more! use any relatively cheap pens you like - be it for the ink or smoothness. if you want to journal a lot, expect to lose a few pens during traveling or just around the house lmao

for fans of darker inks like me, i use Uni-ball Signo Broad, M&G R3 retractable gel pen and my favorite: Faber Castell RX Gel Pen 0.38mm - which cost like RM1.49 (i dont wanna convert - it's change money in america)

final note: i don't use fountain pens so i'm afraid i'm not well-versed enough to advise in that department but i deeply respect (and a little in awe) of journallers who use them 🫡

the tenet!

purpose: what do u plan to use the notebook for? daily journal? art journal? planner? all three? it's your life! live deliciously! since i have a 9-5 job, i know i can't keep up with more than one journal so i've been using mines as a diary and i dump my daily activities/thoughts/reviews of all kinds of media i'm currently obsessed with and it fills up quick!

don't be too hard on yourself: if you missed a day or two of journalling, it's fine - take it back up. write down anything memorable you'd like in the past few days. if you come across a certain blank page your brain is blanking to fill, perhaps after a previous dark entry, skip the page. skip two pages if needed. don't be scared of blank pages. if it needs to be blank, let it be.

it doesn't have to only be words! add stickers, dried flowers, receipts, ticket stubs, other ephemera you collected in the day. be artful! go crazy on page decoration!!

if there's anything you take away from this post, it's this: if you truly want a journal that is used up quickly, do not have plans to share it on social media. personally, i find once you are in the mindset of sharing your journal for an audience's consumption, you get worried whether it's "aesthetic" enough or is it too boring or too ugly or too dark or that you don't upload regularly enough. social media can be inhibiting your creativity or motivation to journal like let your animal brain ruminate in private! stay free from the shackles of responsibility!

[slamminslamminmcgill]

hiiiiiiiiiii :) do u have any soft lalo HCs? like do u think he ever says i love you? does he even believe in romantic love?? would he cry in front of u or let you help him with wounds or when he's too fucked up to function?? this man is so hard but like ugh baby boy...

(ps i've said this before but god i can't get enough of ur work ur massive brain kills me)

HIIIII im so glad you like my stuff!!!! i got some lalito thoughts for u but they're kinda sad 🥺 hope u like it

the elusive sfw post on SSM 😳 limited release imma sell this as an NFT

warning: homophobia, violence/blood, intoxication

does he say "i love you"?: yes

does he believe in romantic love?: absolutely

would he ever cry in front of you?: no! :) not a chance in hell. you would have to be mortally wounded for him to let a single teardrop out and even then he wouldn't want you to see it.

^ the reason for that is what we call trauma 😌 tío hector fucked his brain up immensely.

lalo is gay. im not even remotely sorry but look at him. he has no interest in women and he never did. that was probably a real blow to hector's ego. he was raising lalo (and the other cousins later on) to take over the business, to be strong, to be a man. and in his eyes, lalo's sexuality was a weakness, a weakness that had to be beaten.

and in the spirit of helping him beat his weakness, lalo probably got the shit beat out of him throughout his childhood anytime he did something fruity. it was to show him what strength is, what he was supposed to be.

obviously, his sexual orientation wasn't changing. you cannot beat the gay out of someone. but he changed in other ways.

if his sexuality was a flaw, a weakness, then he would have to compensate for it. he could not show weakness in any other aspect of his life. ever. he could not let anything hurt him. he trained himself not to cry. if someone called him a faggot, he'd say "damn right!" and laugh it off. anytime he felt fear or sadness, he'd mold it into anger instead.

i'd imagine that he spent most of his adolescence/young adulthood trying to prove he could be strong in spite of his orientation. and in the salamanca family, strong means ruthless, brutal. there was probably some incident where he proved himself to be just as vicious as anyone else, and that earned him his uncle's respect. he still wasn't thrilled that his nephew was gay, but he didn't resent him for it anymore. he accepted that was just how he was.

as lalo grew up, he grew more comfortable being soft in certain aspects. he would still never cry, but he let himself enjoy moments of vulnerability.

i think his love language would be acts of service. cooking for you, giving you gifts, little things he can do to show you how much he cares. he tends to be more of a giver, but he likes to get spoiled on occasion :3 he may be a brat about it first tho

him getting too fucked up to function? anon your MIND. mans hits the tequila too hard at a party and you have to be the one to take him home. he swears up and down that he's fine, but he can't even walk straight. lalo gimme your keys i'm driving you back.

he blows a raspberry at you and whines "whaaaaat?! nooo, you don't... you don't gotta do that for me. i can drive just fine." he fishes his keys out of his pocket and immediately drops them on the ground.

alright that's it get in the damn passenger seat you dummy. he's too sauced to buckle himself in so you have to do it for him. when you lean over him he pulls you in for a kiss and giggles to himself.

tending to his wounds. anon your big juicy throbbing pulsating MIND. definitely a case where he's forced to show some weakness. lil homie gay ass comes home with a gunshot wound in his arm and he's like "oh this? yeah, work today got a little heated. i'm okay, though. :)"

lalo there is a hole in your arm. you are not fine.

"no really, i am! see?" mans holds up the BULLET HE FISHED OUT OF HIS ARM AND SHOWS IT TO YOU 💀💀💀 "i got it out! :D"

okay, cool. there is still a hole in your arm. please let me stitch it up.

you take him into the bathroom and have him sit on the edge of the bathtub while you stitch him up. you weren't an expert, but the fifth or sixth time he tried to sleep off a stab wound had given you some decent practice.

he winces and sharply inhales when the needle goes in, but he's quick to cover his tracks with a joke. "carajo (damn), do you have to pull so hard? just shoot me again, why don't you!"

yes lalo i do there is a gaping fucking hole in your body let me fix it you freak

"okay, okay, do what you gotta. you're so good to me, baby. gonna fix me up and make me look nice and pretty, eh?"

in conclusion! this man needs so much therapy 🖤

[fatuismooches]

Your Harbinger Christmas fic made me melt like an ice cream, especially when i read Capitano's section 😭💓🛐 the way u write him in the fic had me in tears, i love him so much 😭💞💞

I just love the thought of Capitano being this "A dangerous and powerful man who leads an entire army to a war, a man who is feared but also respected by many people and all of his foes calling him a monster in battlefield". But when he is alone with reader, he suddenly became a man that wants to be loved 😭 its funny but also really cute and sweet 🥺💓.

I can't stop thinking about "before" both Capitano and reader being together, i believe that someone like him never celebrate holiday.. He probably spend it for training himself, strategizing war tactics, etc. So of course he had no idea of how being festive. But now that they are together, seeing him finally can relax and reader teaching him few things about holidays is just makes my heart flutter (he deserves everything good 🙏😭)

About that part where reader gave him that "ugly" Christmas sweater as a joke.. It may look ugly to them, but for him its beautiful bcs its literally A GIFT from HIS S/O and i think he will cherish it forever ❤ (idk why, but i think reader will starts to feel bad and decided to give him a good one 😅).

And also, shopping with him is probably a bit funny to think of bcs its the only time both Capitano and reader argue with each other. Capitano keep insisting of carrying all of the items they bought while reader trying to tell him to give some of it to them. Also imagine him raising his hands up with all of the items effortlessly while reader trying to reach to grab one of the items from him is just funny and cute (other people are watching them too btw).

Anyways, thank you so much for always making my and everyones day better with ur fic smooches 🛐🛐🙏 i hope you have a great holiday with ur families and friends! Remember to take care yourself! And happy new year! 🎉🎊

(Before i go, remember ur fic about fragile!reader but they already dead? I can't stop imagining the angst about the Harbingers spending holidays without their s/o 🙃 okay that's all, see you!)

-🥝

I'm so glad you liked my Christmas ramblings 🥝 anon!💓💓 (When I was writing Capitano's part I was thinking of u ngl, I was like what will🥝 anon think?) AND YEWWWW I love thinking about Capitano the same way🛐 Very tough and deadly but when he's in the comfort of his lover's arms he just wants to let his guard down and succumb to them :3 And yea, he never cared for the holidays, though he always lets his soldiers go spend time with their families if they want (he's a good captain, otherwise he wouldn't be respected!) So soldiers who stay in the headquarters are used to seeing him working, but when one Christmas comes around they don't see him and they're like ??? huh?? Until later they find out he got himself a cute lil partner to finally spend time with😭💞😭💞😭💞

AND YESSS CAPITANO CHERISHES EVERY SINGLE THING READER GIVES HIM. Literally could give this man a rock with a smiley face and he'd take It so seriously. (And yes reader def gives him a nicer sweater bc they cant take him seriously in the older one😭💞) And shopping with him is so funny - he NEVER lets you carry anything, which is very gentlemanly, but you're also like!! Hey let me do something!! But he never lets you, he wants to treat you like royalty and also is slightly scared of its being too heavy🛐 I can just imagine him holding everything up high while having your grocery list in the other hand as he's trying to figure out with aisle has the item, and you're trying to tackle his arm to let the stuff down😭

Thank you 🥝 anon for your delicious brain rot I enjoyed it very much 😌 I hope you had a wonderful holidays and a great new year!! Take care of yourself too nonnie <333

(You just had to make it sad at the end...😢😢 Idek what to say... the holiday spirit would be completely dead. The only wish they had was an impossible one - for you to come back into their arms😭😭 STOPPP IM SAD NOW- unless you come to visit them in their dreams🥺 they would be so happy until they wake up and realize they were just dreaming...)

[3416]

Dude, I hate spoilers AND have major fomo at the same time it's horrible 😂. Sometimes if it's something I'm really into (including Marvel ;)) I save people's reactions to like set pictures or trailers, and look at them after I've watched the real thing. I just want to see things things fresh without wondering when what I saw is going to happen, if it will match my expectations etc. It seriously ruins my experience, even if it's not something that has shock value. It's challenging lol.

but in that case, i'd assume you're one of the first people in line to see that kind of stuff, right? like if you're a big fan,,,,, the way some people get genuinely mad you're not using 'spoiler' in your posts or tweets or whatever 2 weeks after something comes out is like.. come on flkdsfkdls. in my opinion, it kinda falls to the individual to do the best they can to keep away from it, which seems pretty easy on socials with blacklist options nowadays, and in my case, i'll never not tag something on purpose to spoil you or talk to someone who doesn't want to hear it, like i'm not trying to be an ass 😭 but it's the expectation and entitlement after sustained periods of time that pisses me off more than anything. or the need to approach every piece of art with an entirely blank slate.

[fuwushiguro]

hey love!! i hope you’ve had a good day, i fell in love with your page and wanted to request a bimbo one shot with maybe eren or megumi:)))

xo anon

Notes: Omg I haven't written Megumi in a while so I'll write u a lil somethin somethin 🤪 hope ur having a nice day stay safe my love <3

Warnings: Cockwarming, Degradation, Praise, Dumbification, Slight Choking.

Megumi Fushiguro x f!Reader

"Megumi I- I can't. I really c-can't!"

"Shut up. Shut up and read, tryna help you get some sense in that dumb little head of yours."

It would be hard enough to read in normal circumstances. Moby Dick of all things, what was he thinking? Talk about going from 0 to 100. You're a girl who wasn't read anything but Magazines since you turned nine years old, he's really throwing you in at the deep end. And while admittedly only a few words of a page are resonating in your mind, you don't think you've ever read anything so boring.

But as well as being bored beyond all comprehension, you're sitting pretty on your best friends cock. His hands are burried firmly into your hips to keep you still, forbidden to cum until he's satisfied with your knowledge intake.

"Wanna cum... M-Megumi- please make me cum!"

"Little whore. This book's a classic, y'know? Got no respect for you if you can't read somethin' so simple. Are you really that dumb?" he taunts. He's being mean on purpose, of course, getting off on your squirms and innocent little cries. And your desperation for him to offer you an ounce of pleasure is forcing his cock to twinge inside of you. Megumi hasn't read the book either. He can only imagine what a snore fest it is, over two hundred thousand words of a man hunting a whale, he assumes, anyway.

He doesn't think he can imagine anything more boring.

But it sure is fun seeing you try your best to wrap your stupid little brain around it all.

Your hips buck wildly as he mercilessly taps his fingers on your ever swelling clit. Spills of his name drip into his ears, forcing a menacing snarl to linger on his features.

"Haven't turned the page in a while, princess. Never gonna let you cum if you can't even get past the fourth page."

"Megumi pleaaaaaseeee!!! I'll read if you let me cum! I- I promise! I'll read it all if you fuck me, I'll focus better!"

"No no. But, baby," he tells you, beginning to rub little circles slowly into your cunt. "You go more stupid when I fuck you, remember? Or is the big smart book emptyin' that pretty head of yours even more?"

"Megumiiiiii!! Megumi now!" you demand. You no longer care for his wants or instructions, beginning to rut and hump against his filling length.

He thinks he's teased you enough, picking up the book and throwing it to the other side of the room. He has no use for it now that his little torment has worn off. One hand remains on your hip, while the other wraps tightly around your neck.

He starts to fuck up into you with a passionate vengeance, taking delight in how your lolled out tongue forces you to dribble on yourself like a pretty little whore. Your eyes roll over white and you scream in pleasure. Finally satisfied now that each pummel of his hips into yours results in your g-spot being stimulated by his thick cockhead.

"There she is," he speaks, moving your hair behind your ear to get a better look of you. "There's my pretty dumb girl."

© 2021 fuwushiguro

[profoundpidgeon]

✨Haikyu Headcanon(s) of the Evening! ✨

Author's Note: These are just lil' roomate headcanons I came up with cause I just wanted some so I decided to make some! Anyways this is a part 1 out of 2 (I think and hopefully) and as always I hope y'all enjoy! 😊 ~Pidge

Miya Atsumu:

• God this chaotic bastard where do I even start

• Well let's just say you were looking for a roomate and stuff and welp he took the opportunity and idk why but you accepted him (I guess he checked all the boxes for you congrats🎉🎉🎉)

• Now actually LIVING with him can either be a pain in the ass or quite enjoyable

• He gets up at a decent time, early for volleyball (maybe 7-8am) but SLEEPS IN when he doesn't have to go. (I believe like 2-3pm at times) one time you thought he was dead and almost called the hospital, he almost smacked you for that 🤣

• I see him as not being the apartment that often cause of volleyball but he'll be in the apartment just to chill or just to annoy ur ass if he's bored.

• HE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE DESINGNATED MOVIE NIGHTS!!! he also might invite ya know bo, hinata and sakusa but there's sometimes where he just wants to chill with u~

• I believe he's not really a good cook and you would have to make most of the meals or at least remind him to have a decent meal once in a while (if your not a good cook welp... y'all will suffer together I guess)

• He'd be snacking CONSTANTLY I👏SWEAR👏 (This is why ya gotta remind him to have decent meals all the time). I mean there will be nothing in your pantry. It's a literal compition that he wins most of the time to who gets the last packet of pocky. Smh 😑

• I feel like his room would be half messy and half not? Like there would be clothes on the floor but he would make sure to make his bed and his dresser would be a bit messy but not too messy. (Ya know? I hope you get it cause I'm not changing it)

• Please give this man the head pats before volleyball practices (he'll find it cute and if you look close enough you might see him ~blushing~)

Bokuto Koutorou:

• YES ITS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE HIMBO!!! god I LOVE him

• Such a caring man AND WITH SO MUCH RESPECT WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE HIMMM

• anyways

• I hope y'all were friends before you decided to move in together PLEASE SAY YOU WERE (well too bad, I'm the writer, you got no choice in the matter)

• He takes afternoon naps... end of headcanons (no but really when u come back from school or work and he's home before you, you can sometimes hear a soft snore from the couch and you just decide to put a blanket on top of himmm)

• On the contrary of Atsumu, I think he'll be a great cook! I think he'll know how to make 3-4 meals very VERY well and present them to you and be so proud of them. He'll puff out his chest and everything (gosh he's making me so proud just writing this)

• He might once in a while ask you politely if his friends can come over and might borrow the apartment for a while (you'll be out till they leave but hopefully you don't mind)

• If he comes home and he's in his emo mode, you either 1. Call Akaashi or 2. Make him soup and build a blanket fort (it will either be chicken noodle or just some comforting soup... anything to get this baby happy again 😊😊😊)

• This may or might catch you off guard (depending on how close y'all get) but he may ask for random hugs. Just for the sake of it and because I believe he's touch starved and craves physical affection.

• Even tho I said before that he might politely kick you out if he wants to have the home/apartment for the bois, at least PLEASE have some games of chaotic Jenga with them like COME ON (I play chaotic Jenga with my friends all the time and hoooo boi)

• Like Atsumu, he deserves the head pats too! I believe there will be a lot of physical touch/affection in your relationship and it's just so sweet! GAH Y'ALL ARE ADORABLE!

• Anyway, Bokuto Koturou would make a great roomate... MOVING ON

EDIT: Damn I forgot to add that he'll probably join in if you decide to paint your nails. Alright now let's continue!

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

• ngl idk how you became roomates with him but congrats 👌👌👌(I guess by pure chance I guess??? ) anyways...

• Y'all would have assigned cleaning chores of course. If you're having a bad day or not feeling good, he wouldn't mind doing your chores for you and taking care of you.

• Ya know I feel like just doing a puzzle with him so y'all might have some puzzle nights and try to challenge yourselfs after each one you complete.

• LOVES TEA. Will recommend tea and different types of tea to you. Will bring different types of authentic teas into ur apartment and y'all can rate teas together! 🍵🍵🍵

• Not that affectionate but will accept words of affirmation. Really does appreciate a 'thank you' and a genuine compliment once in a while.

• Will remind you to wear a mask outside ALWAYS, he doesn't want you to get sick what can I say?

• Even if it might not look like it, Sakusa does care about you. He will give you those gentle reminders to drink water and eat everyday, say lil' thank yous' here and there and genuinely respects as a person.

ANOTHER EDIT CAUSE I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF APPARENTLY: But ALL of them would in some way sing in the shower:

Atsumu and Bokuto just BELTING without any care or regret (especially bokuto, some of you've seen tiktoks)

And I feel like for Sakusa he would either silently hum or either have a mini conversation with himself (like a lil' podcast or somethin' 😂) ALRIGHT IM DONE IM DONE

Another author's note: This already seems romantic but I meant it in a platonic way. When I make both parts keep in mind the the relationship is platonic! (Don't worry I might make a part where they go from roomates to lovers if I can gather the brain power 😂)

ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE! :

https://profoundpidgeon.tumblr.com/post/642970351801958400/haikyuu-headcannons-of-the-evening

HEY LOOK! I MADE A PART 2! I hope y'all enjoy! 💖💕💖

[hello-yue-here]

Yuetara, zukka, and maiko

yuetara

ship

1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.

2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.

3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.

zukka:

SHIPPP

1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic

2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.

3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))

maiko

ship

1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.

2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.

3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.

again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)

[getofy]

matchup: #1 - hq boy w/ an extroverted fem reader!

—a/n: wow im genuinely so sorry for taking so long. literally school is ruining my life and i also um,, haven’t been doing the best this past month. i really hope this makes up for it !! it’s kinda long so my bad...also this is NOT proofread lol i apologize if it sucks aaaa.

DISCLAIMER: while this is a personalized matchup, they’re still headcanons, so basically anyone can enjoy them! :]

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hello @/meremoomoo ! you are so cute and tysm for being patient about ur request. i debated who you would go well with for a while, but in the end i came up with...

SUGAWARA KŌSHI!

-

#SUGA: “YOU’RE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!”

#Y/N: “THANK YOU KŌSHI :].”

-

☆ SUGA IS PERFECT FOR YOU, AND HERE IS WHY—

PERSONALITY TYPE:

suga has a personality type of INFJ, which compliments your ENFP personality type well.

“...you may benefit from perseverance in this relationship. your sensitive, sympathetic nature may at times overtake you, leading you to make decisions that feel right but are not really the wisest option. this person, whose approach seems so cold at times, can help you to tune into your powers of objective reasoning and ensure that you are not letting emotions rule your life.” —some website i found

while INFJs are not the most compatible with ESFPs, your other personality type, wonderful things can still come out of INFJ/ESFP dynamics! 

“your differences mean that you actually have a lot to offer one another. your counterpart may inspire you to slow down and think more deeply about the meaning of things, rather than just doing what feels right in the moment. in turn, you can help them to get out of their heads and enjoy life for what it is.” —some website i found

HOW YOU GUYS MET:

sugawara and you did not start off on the right foot at first...

the two of you were in the same class and sat very close to each other so he decided that he really wanted to get to know you.

he also just really likes becoming friends w/ people lol

since you were always laughing loudly with your friends during break time, he deduced that you had a good sense of humor.

he decided that jokes seemed like the right way to get to your heart win you over!

easy enough, right?

wrong.

apparently, he had caught you on a bad day because his attempts to be friendly were not received well. at all.

poor suga.

he does his best to be kind to everybody, but at the same time, he does love to poke fun at others. he probably took one of his jokes too far or something?

or maybe you really were just having a bad day?

who knows.

anyways, after that awkward encounter, he did his best to avoid you.

it’s not that he hated you, it’s just that he thought you hated him. it sort of bummed him out because you seemed cool, but he wanted to be respectful of your feelings!

*sorry it’s not enemies to lovers, but it’s close enough i hope ?

HOW HE DISCOVERED HE LIKED YOU:

the class had finished testing early, so the teacher decided to put on a movie.

AND FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON THE MOVIE WAS OLD YELLER?!!?!?

(basically it’s just an incredibly depressing dog movie. like, if you’ve never seen it then just imagine the saddest movie you’ve ever seen 10x)

anyways, you ended up crying. very loudly.

sugawara was incredibly concerned for you, since you seemed to be genuinely distraught, but he didn’t say anything

eventually, the teacher caught on to your disarray and excused you from the room so you could go calm yourself down.

after some time, the teacher tells suga to go check up on you to make sure ur not dead or whatever lol (you were taking a while).

he was hesitant to do this since he knew you weren’t too fond of him, but suga decides to do it anyways since he didn’t want to be a disobedient student.

he finds you sitting on a bench with tears streaming down your face

and MAN!!

all at once, suga gets this overwhelming urge to make you feel better. but like, as in, he-never-wants-to-see-you-in-this-kind-of-state again-otherwise-he-might-breakdown kind of urse.

despite not being super close to you, he had gotten so used to your large smiles and extroverted demeanor, that watching you cry felt foreign to him.

he missed your smile.

he soon realizes that seeing you upset hurts him because he genuinely cares about your well-being.

so he decides to make it his personal mission to make you smile again.

suga takes the spot next to you voicelesslyand tries his best to talk you through your dismay.

you don’t seem to mind the company, and to his delight you don’t seem to hate him as much as he thought you did!!

suga is very grateful for this

anyways, he manages to cheer you up, and the tips of your lips turn up into a small grin—just like he wanted them to.

AND BOY OH BOY WHEN THEY DO!!

whew this man’s heart skips a BEAT baby and he is lowkey spiraling lol he’s so confused like why is this girl’s smile making me feel some type of way

he had been so focused on what you thought about him, but he had never once stopped to consider what he thought about you (until this very moment, of course).

turns out suga was incredibly fond of you

yeah, that’s how he knew.

suga brain go brr 4 pretti girl

HOW HE CONFESSES:

you two had been hanging out more frequently as of late

and getting to know you was only making suga‘s crush grow EXPONENTIALLY

after many nights spent in long contemplation, he came to the conclusion that it was time to ‘man-up’ and just rip off the band-aid that was being honest about his feelings.

he buys a single flower (tanaka’s advice) and waits by your locker

very very simple and sweet confession typa beat :(

literally SO nervous pls help . he’s scratching the back of his neck and holding the flower out to you with a slight twinge in his cheeks.

“y/n...i know you weren’t too fond of me at first, but i...i don’t know i think we’re great together! and now that we hang out and stuff i was thinking that maybe we could-“

yeah you cut the poor boy off and said yes to put him out of his misery.

literally verbally celebrates when you accept his flower. does a lil victory dance and everything.

ugh yall r so cute.

AFTER HE CONFESSES:

YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER INSTANTLY WOOOOOO

somehow the most wholesome and chaotic couple to ever exist???

you guys spend like every waking moment together it’s adorable

noya and tanaka would jokingly hit on you and suga would pretend to be actually jealous.

i hc him as being a somewhat possessive-y boyfriend so do w that what you will

total best friend kind of lover but he’s also a sweetheart and rlly romantic + respectful abt ur needs:(

y’all r super comfy w each other !!

WHAT HE LOVES ABOUT YOU:

sugawara is usually the kind of person that’s always there for other people so he appreciates the fact that you’re the same way! you guys bond over your shared therapist/mom-friend tendencies, and quickly become the support systems you so desperately needed prior to getting together.

he’s there to listen to you about your problems and vice versa.

he adores how you can meet and sometimes even exceed his energy. it’s a nice change of pace since he usually gets scolded by daichi. </3

thinks it’s cute how much you care for animals! you’ll often find him staring at you in wonder as you pet a random dog on the street lol.

MISC HEADCANONS:

will spend hours on end watching you play video games on FaceTime. after a while, he ended up buying his own console and now you guys play together!

he’s fairly competitive, and will whine whenever you destroy beat him in a game!

he’s so cute pls

one of his favorite things to do after a long day is sit and play slower paced games such as minecraft and animal crossing with you.

whether it’s about your fav historical monument or about a new show you saw, suga will listen to you talk for hours and never get bored. usually he’s always got something to add to the convo though. sometimes you guys get overly excited together and end up speaking over each other in the same way.!

is INCREDIBLE at getting you to calm down?? like, if you ever need to be put in your place, suga knows exactly what to say to do it. does this make sense? lol. you guys have big ying and yang energy sometimes i feel.

you’re his BIGGEST supporter. whenever he’s put into games, you’re always the LOUDEST one cheering him one.

it really touches him to know that you’ll always be there to root for him!! even mr.refreshing gets down sometimes, so it’s incredible to have someone as positive as you by his side constantly reassuring him.

he’s a big animal person as well so you guys like going to volunteer at shelters together!

this was actually your second date HAHA.

if a dog is within a 40 ft radius from y’all, it is almost guaranteed that you guys will sprint to go pet them.

since you’re both athletic, you guys help each other practice sports together! suga’ll throw u soft toss and help you run drills and hype u up before games. & you’ll help him work on his technique and such <33.

y’all totally gossip together wow. you said you were a bit on the meaner side of the spectrum and lowkey he doesn’t mind AT ALL. he lives for it HAHAHAHA.

he literally thinks you’re stunning so it upsets him whenever you get insecure, but he’s always got the right thing to say to cheer you up! genuinely just,,,, so good with his words. if you’re having a bad night, he’s ready to come to your rescue with a gentle smile and funny one-liner and maybe a documentary if you’re lucky enough.

in his eyes, everything about you is beautiful. your hair. your freckles. your body. your laugh. your smile. everything!! he’s going to do whatever it takes for you to love yourself in the same way he loves you.

this man so whipped smh 🙄🙄

tl;dr: suga thinks you hate him. you don’t. you start hanging out. he confesses to you by the lockers. you start dating. you are infinitely better at gaming than he is and will never let him forget it.

YOUR ANTHEMS (in no particular order):

darling by christian leave

pleasantries (with your lover) by mustard service

upside down by jack johnson

sunflower, vol.6 by harry styles

what do you like in me? by nasty cherry

MOODBOARD:

pic 1 | pic 2 | pic 3 | pic 4

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—CONGRATS! YOU’VE WON THE HEART OF ONE OF THE PRETTIEST SETTERS ON THE BLOCK. TREAT HIM WELL! ☆

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit premission

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[gummyvitamin]

𝑸𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 + 𝑾𝒂𝒚𝑽 𝑺𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔: 𝑳𝒖𝒄𝒂𝒔

♡ 𝒌𝒖𝒏 𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒘𝒊𝒏 𝒙𝒊𝒂𝒐𝒋𝒖𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒈

next door neighbor!lucas x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff; college au; neighbor au

words: 981 

*disclaimer: this post is not at all meant to undermine the severity of the pandemic; this is meant to help cheer up those who are bored or in low spirits because of quarantine. it is so so important to be mindful and do what we can to stop the spread. stay safe, please please wash your hands frequently, and help protect others by avoiding public spaces, wearing a mask and maintaining social distancing :)

so ur university had officially announced they were shutting down all in-person classes for the rest of the semester

and this meant u were stuck in ur apartment, continuing ur classes online

and tbh online lectures were just not ideal

like nothing was stopping u from skipping today’s zoom lecture and just watching the recorded version later even tho u definitely wont watch it

and so u were going to do just that

u figured u deserved some time to rest anyways

i mean u were very exhausted from staying up last night trying to complete ur essay on time

and so u decided to get some food delivered to the apartment

and u were fully prepared to just crash on the couch and do some snacking & anime binging

but as soon as u sat down and made urself comfy there was this horrendously loud *banging* noise coming from out in the hall

and ur like >:((( how dare someone interrupt u trying to peacefully ignore all of ur academic responsibilities

so u get up to go get a look thru the peephole, fully ready to yell at whoever was being so loud

and ur met with the sight of several boxes splayed across the floor in front of the unit across from u

and picking up one of those boxes is the most fine and delectable gentleman u had ever seen

like this guy was tall, had icy silver hair, and his skin was literally *glowing*

and ur brain is just like *ERROR 404* bc that unit has been vacant for a while now

which means this full course meal was about to be ur new neighbor omgomgomg

u thought about sticking ur head out and saying hi but then u remembered that a) ur not wearing pants and b) You Are Not Wearing Pants

and so u just flop back onto the couch, only getting up to grab the bag of food u got delivered (but w pants on lol)

and after u had finished eating u decided to go take out the trash

so u put on ur mask bc #wearadamnmask and headed out to the trash bin

and u just FREEZE bc what the hecK why is that guy there too 

ur about to turn around and book it back to ur place bc u were looking far from presentable 

but he sees u before u get the chance

and he just smiles real big in ur direction and waves excitedly at u like some giant puppy aw

and he’s like “hi !! do u live here?? i just moved into suite 306 :D”

and ur just like “oH i ThiNk uR my nEighBor aHa” as if u werent literally staring at him thru ur peephole earlier today fdsfjkd

he introduces himself as Lucas and explains that he had just transferred to the university nearby and was going to be a student there next semester

which ur like “thats where i go too!” and hes just like “:D !!!”

and u two start having some small talk and he’s asking u about ur classes and what the apartments here are like

and u tell him that uve enjoyed living here so far but ur air conditioning unit broke and wont turn off so its always super cold in ur room ;(

and then u two start talking about ur interests and u find out that u both have the same music taste and like the same shows !! and overall yall just vibe rly well :’)) 

and yea hes cute but u realize that he’s also got such a wonderful personality

like he looks super intimidating and tall but he’s actually really softhearted and just a lil bit clumsy 

hes just got this puppy-like aura about him 🥺

eventually u both decide its probably time to go back but before u shut ur door Lucas is like “I hope that I’ll be able to see u again :))”

and ur just like “YES PLEASE me too :D !!”

u sleep rly well that night because wow u finally had some human interaction after weeks of isolation 

and Lucas seems like such a great person to be around like his positive energy is so contagious and talking to him made u feel so much better despite the current stressful situation

the next morning u start ur day by gathering up ur clothes to go do ur laundry in the machines downstairs

but when u step outside u see a paper bag sat in front of ur door with a sticky note taped to it

so u pick it up and take a closer look at the note

and it’s got ur name written on it along with a message that says “hey its Lucas! i remember u saying ur room was always cold sooo i thought this might help! dont worry about having to return it,,but do give me a call sometime okay?:))”

and at the bottom of the note is his phone number ahhhhh

and then u peek inside the bag and its deadass one of his freaking hoodies

ur honestly a bit overwhelmed like how is he so hot AND respectful fdhsjfk

u immediately put it on and it goes all the way down to ur knees (bc goddamn this dude is tall) and then make ur way to the laundry room

ur about to go inside but then u see Lucas about to head out with a basket in his hands

and he glances in ur direction and notices that u had put on his hoodie 

and ur standing there blushing like CRazy bc omg thats so embarrassinggg 😔

but he just smiles at u and lets out the most adorable lil giggle as he makes his way back out into the hall

and ur like wow maybe quarantine won’t be so bad after all :’))

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

[mercuriial]

oh my god this is so EXCITING ok here we go !! hello ,, i’m jin — eighteen, she/her pronouns, from vancouver, luvs cats, a cancer ( .. virgo moon cap rising <3 ). i am SO ecstatic to be here ?? like this group literally sprouted from me n kelly joking abt making an rp goin’ “jk... unless 😳” to THIS !! anywaaaaays ,, this is my luv rosie ! of course i would love to plot so just like this & i will message u or feel free to hit me up first here or on discord !! pls be my friend !!

TW: MENTAL ILLNESS & SUICIDE ! 

✎⌠diana silvers. cisfemale. she/her⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only rosemary adler. though, around here they’re known as the quiescent. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the twenty-three year old librarian / musician kinda has a reputation of being reticent and scatter-brained. but y’know, they can be perceptive and sanguine too. typical cancer. anyways, welcome home and stay safe rosie ! ❞

BACKGROUND

ok ok ok SO rosie ( yes as u might guess . most call her rosie ) grew up here as the youngest with three older brothers !!

her parents separated when she was like seven n so a lot of her childhood was spent goin’ back and forth between her parents houses, but eventually her dad moved away because he remarried n started a whole new family. she has a couple half-sisters but tells people she only has brothers !

her mum, who she’s primarily grown up with & loves dearly, was a musician , albeit a struggling one but rosie always looked up to her. naturally she also started playing instruments when she was super young n has not looked back ever since !! can play the piano, guitar, but also like … the accordion, flute n banjo hah

yea so !! due to her mum’s profession & her dad kinda peacing out eventually, they were always a lil strapped for cash but still, they were happy. as individuals maybe not but still, a good n tight-knit family dynamic. however rosie, on her own, has struggled a lot w/ her mental health !! like at a young age, she was diagnosed w/ anxiety n then eventually depression as well & she basically can’t remember a point where her life wasn’t affected by these things

she had her first suicide attempt at fifteen which as you can imagine really fucked her up long-term. like. she stopped going to school for a while, social circle dwindled in size, just stayed home really

altho rosie was pretty behind in school by the time she returned, she managed to catch up and went to university outside of misty hollow ! she majored in creative writing but after her first year, she dropped out bc it just … wasn’t for her

after that she moved back home n was kind of back at square one, spending the next year just working part-time n making music, doing the occasional gig at a local bar. as much as university wasn’t for her, this state of her life was still really tough on her as she felt like there wasn’t much to do or work for. this time in her life was when her second suicide attempt happened

afterwards, rosie decided she couldn’t stay at home anymore n moved to new york at the age of twenty to try to pursue a career as a musician ! obviously moving wasn’t a quick fix to her struggles with depression but a change of scenery definitely made her feel more hopeful n purposeful

she joined a band as a lead guitarist n was so so desperate to “make it” somehow . this band treated her like shit n the band members were super toxic to each other & her ! just overall a really bad environment to be in but rosie put up with it because she was so attached to the idea of being a successful musician. she lived w/ these people n worked with them too so … it was rly not pleasant … but eventually she left after two hellish years because there was a big scandal abt one of their band members n it all fell apart

and uh ... she was kind of broke at this point and moved back a year later !! since then, she’s been back at misty hollow working as a librarian at the town’s public library & doin’ her music thing on the side. it’s kind of like before, doing small gigs n whatnot. the town’s pretty small so her band is known around town but outside of it, not really !! 

note: i understand that mental illness is a heavy topic n can be hard to read / write about for some people ! i will definitely be respectful n obviously not take anything too far but if anything u see from me ever makes u uncomfy, please let me know !

PERSONALITY

BASICALLY u can picture her bein like… not outgoing but also not shy ? like she rarely shares personal things abt herself (unless it’s thru her ~music~) & is a rly private person - she’ll often just disappear for like a week or somethin’ and then come back into everybody’s life like nothing happened

she’s independent but also so painfully sensitive !! she is a closeted softie !! if you are her friend or she ( very very secretly ) wants to be your friend , she will think about u literally 24/7 !! puts a lot a lot of effort into her relationships but also . doesn’t expect / want anybody to do that for her ??

RLY scatter-brained n messy hah. her room is just stacks of books, cups everywhere, sticky notes on the walls, unmade bed, can literally never find where anything is. she is late to everything !! leaves dishes out for daaaays !! you get the picture. she is both physically n mentally messy

she has a love-hate relationship with misty hollow ?? like some days she wants to rip her hair out and can’t stand the thought of spending another day here because it’s just so awful but other days ,, she appreciates the small town aspect n luvs everyone here. 

u can check out the playlist & pinterest board i have for her if ur curious !

WANTED CONNECTIONS

lich rally anything luv ... <3

but some ideas !! a ride or die, best friend, sister she never had, life-partner, etc etc... just give this gal a best friend she would absolutely die 4. i want them 2 platonically cuddle and kiss each other on the cheeks and cry on the phone together . 

a former flame !! could be recent, old, angsty, funny, i want it ALL !! 

a regular at the library who has gotten to know rosie thru subtle compliments they give each other on their book choices ... they give each other book recs ( obviously ), gossip abt seniors who frequent the library ,,

an ex-friend maybe ?? rosie is . uh very non-confrontational ,, maybe they were super good childhood friends n then lost touch somehow & now it’s just not the same ... so many things left unspoken 

friends who smoke n complain abt how dumb misty hollow is together at two in the morning .. this could be literally anybody because who doesn’t hate misty hollow ?

ANYTHING . give me ur ideas <3 

[piecesintoplaces]

guys!!!!! it's rachel @gdnightngo's birthday!!!!!! im :') emo that she's made it another trip around the sun with me by her side (only in factories otherwise im just in her dms) and i know MOST of u will not read this bc u think we are literally the same person and u dont think our libra asses are writing to each other but i LOVE THIS BITCH SO MUCH i know she wrote out 7 things for me but imma write her ariana loving ass 7 rings aka the 7 rings she deserves in her life :))

1. ppl to be there for u n embrace u for who u are!! i hope i give u a little taste of this bc im always open to listening whenever u need to talk but u deserve ppl u can be open n honest with and who will listen and appreciate u for all that u are. u been thru it and people need to acknowledge how strong u are!!

2. LOVE N AFFECTION u are seriously the best friend i could ever ask for and i frickin love u w my whole heart there is no one i can be more open and honest with even about the tmi stuff u would rather not hear and u put up w me and take it in stride and truly you are the best listener, the best cheerleader, the best ride or die, the best trolley partner, the best hype man, truly just everything and more and u deserve it right back at u

3. a large cake. i know we discussed this. i would make u the frickin biggest cake. then 3 more. then i would force all the swifties on my dash to watch u eat it like that kid in matilda

4. a better person to write u things like this more eloquently than me :) also so u dont have to hear me talk about having gas or puking

5. for ppl to put some RESPECT ON UR NAME ur the most talented person i know especially w editing and its about TIME the ariana fandom came online more than 2 seconds to recognize ur work

6. a bossbot hq factory win with full laff u knew this was coming

7. TO BE MY FRIEND FOREVER AND EVER not to hype up my friendship im not all that but i know i will be there for u (*cue friends theme song*) and share our one (1) brain cell *THE CELL* and never ever ever let there be a moment u feel a smidge below the absolute queen that u are imma gas u up for ur talent ur HUMOR holy shit ur love and passion for so many people and things ur BRAIN (frickin rock hard) ur tolerance of me talking about my Bodily Functions ur cuteness (ur frickin Soft ok) ur personality just U!!!!! ok!!!!!

i love u i know this doesnt make sense bc i just took like a 3 hour burrito induced nap but i hope u have the absolute best day u deserve all that n more i love u so frickin much im not good with words but i hope this conveys a lil taste of how much i love u!!

[eggoreviews]

Until Dawn Characters RANKED

I honestly love this game to death. When it came out a few years ago and I kind of bought it as a last minute game to speed through on new year’s eve, I didn’t realise how cool of a game it was going to be and how much fun you can get out of multiple playthroughs. Now that I know basically everything about the game, I really wish I could wipe that knowledge from my brain and play it fresh u feel. Anyway, the characters, despite their sometimes awkward, cringey dialogue, are one of the driving factors of the game so in this list, I’ll be ranking these strange teenagers in order of personal preference. Hope u don’t hate me for potentially roasting your fave!

Just to say, I genuinely think all these characters are well-written n everything, this list is literally who I like and who I don’t. Also, I won’t be including Hannah, Beth or the Stranger bc they get like 5 minutes of screentime and it wouldn’t be fair to compare them to the main eight.

Until Dawn spoilers under the cut!

8. Emily

I’m sorry, I literally cannot stand Emily. She spends pretty much the whole game being horrible to everyone (deliberately starting beef with Jess, literally cheating on my boi Matt), while only being truly nice to Matt when it serves her own interests. She strikes me as a very manipulative, bordering on abusive personality (making Matt feel like he’s in the wrong for questioning why she had to go back and talk to Sam at the start of the game and don’t even get me started on the whole ‘Emily is always right’ thing). So yeah, she’s an intelligent character and a capable survivor, but she’s pretty much just a downright terrible person and it took all of my willpower not to get her killed on purpose.

7. Jess

Just so you know, beyond this point, I actually like all of the characters. The thing about Jess is she isn’t an especially bad person and in a way I feel bad for her more than I do the others because she has no clue that Mike is cheating on her like at all. It’s just that she’s absent for a huge chunk of the game and you never truly get to know her, other than a very brief, heavy-handed look at her insecurities because, by the end of the game, you’ve either killed her in chapter 4 or she’s so weak from her massive fall at the end of the game that her character is completely gone because she’s like, half dead. So yeah, I don’t mind Jess, we just don’t spend enough time with her in game to form a connection.

6. Mike

Mike is probably the character you spend the most time playing as in total and is also pretty much the hardest to kill (even though I still managed to in my first playthrough). What I’m about to say kind of contradicts my immediate dislike for Mike over his asshole personality and the fact that he’s cheating on Jess, but he’s the only character in the whole game who I genuinely think has some character development. By the end of the game, you can tell he’s kind of a changed guy after going through all the shit that happened in the game. What kept him from climbing higher on this list was, despite the development, he still almost kills/actually does kill Emily later in the game. Like, I don’t like her either, but it was a lil rash to immediately threaten to kill her for not leaving the room.

5. Josh

This is a bit of a complex one for a lot of reasons and I wasn’t sure where to put him, so he’s been slapped in the middle. Personally, I don’t blame Josh for the events of the game. Sure, it was pretty messed up to even set that prank up in the first place, but by the end of the game, you know that Josh has a lot of psychological issues that were around even way before he lost both of his sisters and had just come off of his meds without taking the full course before everyone came back to the lodge. By the time everyone is aware of the Wendigos, Josh is a guilty, distraught shell of the guy he was when the game starts. The fact that the only two canon endings for his character were either death or getting Wendigo’d feels bitter to me, he deserved better than that. I’m not saying he’s innocent in this, but there’s a lot of factors that came with him orchestrating the prank, not to mention that he obviously had no idea his friends would actually die from a threat he didn’t know about at the time.

4. Ashley

Overall, I like Ashley. Throughout most of the game, she’s a helpful asset to the group who has good chemistry with most of the other characters, most notably Chris because they spend the most time together (even though I was way more banking on Chris and Josh being a thing, this game is very straight). But Ashley ranks higher than some others purely because she has an intriguing darker side to her character that you don’t quite expect at first, but almost makes her seem cruel. The fact that she immediately wants to kill Emily upon discovering her bite, as well as the fact that she can even passively kill Chris if you choose to ‘shoot’ her earlier in the game on her request, gives her character a more vengeful edge. With a game full of characters you’re already kind of aware aren’t the soft beans you want them to be, Ashley is a slow burner who makes the game much more interesting later on.

3. Chris

Chris strikes me as someone who is desperately trying to be funny to get the attention he craves from his friends. He’s a little insensitive at times and doesn’t seem to listen to people on occasion if they contradict what he already thinks to be true (basically any scene that mentions a ghost), but it’s easy to forget that Chris wasn’t even a part of the prank that got Hannah killed. He was passed out drunk with Josh (in fact, the game even forgets this at one point during his lil talk with Ashley in the old hotel). But overall, Chris tries his best to be a good friend to Josh and everyone else, even when they’re all going through a lot of trauma, and I respect him for that.

2. Sam

When I say that Mike is the only character who properly gets a development arc, I mean that in two ways; that the good people stay good and the bad people stay bad. Sam is one of the good ones. Throughout the whole game, start to finish, Sam is a resourceful, well-rounded character with a strong moral compass that seems absent among most of her friends. I don’t really have a hell of a lot more to say about Sam. She’s just great.

Honorable mentions:

Doggo

Dr. Hill (gonna be honest I totally forgot about him until I wrote this sentence but he’s a cool n weird character I guess)

1. Matt

Literally nothing can change my opinion that Matt is a soft perfect boi who takes a lot of shit from people (Emily especially). Okay he’s not literally perfect, he took part in the prank after all, but this guy is so relatable and down to earth and he’s the one I most want to whisk away from Until Dawn like no you don’t belong here, you don’t deserve this trauma u sweet boi. It annoys me how easy it is to kill him. (Also, special mention to that convo between him and Emily where he’s like ‘I’m trying to be all like, you know... sexy’ just reinforced in my mind how pure this boi is)

Thanks for readin my shitty list. Send in ur fave UD character if u got one. Also, if you feel like I got anything wrong about any of these characters, feel free to let me know.

Have a fun ol day.

[chocosvt]

||↠11 questions tag 🖋

tagged by: @mansaeboysbe and @sunnysidewrites! thnk u my lovs.

tagging: @whatsoodo , @bfwooz , @jishua , @teeyongs + anyone else who wants to answer the questions. ill leave my own 11 for u to answer at the bottom of the post.

it’s been awhile since ive last done a tag game. i know tht im still behind on quite a few erfhnerf but ill try my best to take more initiative w/ these things. also disclaimer; sorry if my answers are kilometers long, it should be fairly obvious at this point i never shut the fuck up.

anyways, here are the q’s im answering in case u wanna see a specific answer :^)

01: weirdest present you have recieved? 02: coloured pencils, markers, or crayons? 03: what colour would you dye your hair? 04: which concept would you pick for which group? 05: sweet or sour candy? 06: favourite quirk on an idol? 07: would you rename a fandom? 08: something you want to tell your bias? 09: kpop MV you would want and not want to get stuck in? 10: an AU you’ve always wanted to write? 11: use memes to describe 2017 and how you want 2018 to go.

[01]. weirdest present you’ve ever received?

my pals and i always exchange weird presents for one another’s birthdays! it’s pretty much a tradition at this point, tho im not sure when or how it began? im pretty sure my last birthday card had caillou on it or something lol, and at one point we got our pal a can of peaches, a container of straws, tissue packages n a remote control, all with lil puns on them.

but the weirdest gift ive ever recieved? uhh, it was probably this miniature cotton candy machine tht my friends spent way too much on, primarily bc we only used it the day i opened it. u took hard candies and put them in the machine and eventually they would be spun into the actual floss tht makes cotton candy. it was cool but my mom threw it out eventually lol.

[02]. coloured pencils, markers, or crayons?

definitely coloured pencils. markers and crayons don’t rly have an exact tip. well, unless ure using a fine-tip marker. and there’s something rly satiating abt having sharp, clean writing or outlining. i was the kid who outlined all my fucking drawings and shaded them in with coloured pencils. miss me w/ tht crayon, marker shit. also, the sound wood makes when its being sharpened? tht was my favourite part.

[03]. if you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?

honestly ive never thought of dying my hair. i like the colour how it is, which is sort of a darker blonde/slightly goldish shade. im not sure what would fit my face? i can only see myself going beach blonde. i feel like any other colour would be a disaster on my hair and i already damage it enough bc i straighten it every few days.

[04]. which concept would you pick for which group?

i know clc just did a badass concept with their “crystyle” album (which is one of the best albums of 2017 so jot tht the fuck down) and i absolutely adore their cute concepts as well bc we got bops like “pepe” n “high heels” BUT GOD I WANT THEM TO DO ANOTHER BADASS CONCEPT I BECAME ADDICTED TO IT. IT K*LLED ME TO SEE SEUNGHEE IN ALL BLACK WEARING THOSE THIGH-HIGH BOOTS I DI*ED THEN RESURRECTED IN THE SAME BREATH. i find them to be super versatile, they can go either way and ill support them no matter the concept. their quality of music never decreases. but yep, id pick another badass concept for the ladies.

[05]. sweet or sour candy?

sweet sweet sweet!! to be fair i luv pretty much all candies, minus jolly ranchers bc ive consumed so many of them tht if i see another fucking jolly rancher i will strap myself to a rocket. ANYWAYS, definitely sweet. my favourite candies (not keeping chocolate in mind bc chocolate overrules everything) would be swedish berries and werther’s caramel. for sour candies i would choose sour patch kids and sour keys!! obviously i would d*e for candy so let’s just get tht out of the mf’ way.

[06]. favourite quirk of an idol?

oh gosh. imma have 2 think for this one. the image tht comes to me exactly is junhui’s tendency to curl into whoever is next to him! most likely when he does something embarrassing, he retreats into a tiny mass of stuffy giggling and sis, it’s the best thing on the face of this planet. he’s rly such a shy flower. also, joshua’s habit of covering his mouth when he laughs is v v endearing to me. i believe it goes to show his politeness, though it can also be a characteristic of someone who’s timid, to which i think both reasons apply here. i wish i could think of more bc im certain there are a ton belonging 2 my favourite idols, but im highkey drawing a blank.

[07]. would you rename a fandom? what would the name be?

hmm. im not someone who pays close attention to fandom names. hoshi could have very well kept us as mounteens and i wouldnt give a single cherry n a half, though at this point carats is a lot more fitting and we’ve all grown attached to it. honestly, im not tht keen on red velvet and fx’s fandom names? i know tht in red velvet’s case the option “cupcakes” was up for grabs so when in comparison to reveluv’s i’m pretty thankful the latter was chosen. im not entirely sure what i would name the fandom, so respect to whoever is in charge of the titling. as for fx, they deserved to get their fanclub name much sooner. again im not someone who cares a whole lot abt fandom names, but it would have been cool if the fandom was some mathematical formula lol.

[08]. something you want to tell your bias?

BITCH. THE PRESSURE. if i were 2 meet junhui in person i would be such a nervous wreck i wouldnt even trust myself to speak. boi, if i even spotted him on the street i’d beeline in opposite direction so fast i would just be a fucking blur of light and potential tears. there would be many things i’d want to relay to him, honestly if we were just to hang out at a café or some location like tht with the time to talk and understand one another, i’d be like “hold tht thought, gerald” n drop a whole fucking novel on the table with reasons i appreciate him. i guess i’d want junhui to know how his efforts have certainly been acknowledged and that each quirk in his personality brings a lot of comfort/inner happiness to those who are still unsure abt themselves.

i’d also like for him to know tht whilst his visual is amazing, tht is not the only remarkable thing tht makes junhui, junhui. it’s his kindness, gentle heart, and optimism. essentially i’d want him to know tht his hard work is being noticed, how much delight he brings by being himself, and tht he has many qualities he should be confident in.

[09]. which kpop M/V would you want, and not want, to get stuck in?

i’ve already answered the first half 2 this question in a previous ask, but red velvet’s ice cream cake! it has to be one of my all-time favourite music videos solely bc i luv the usage of soft colours. not to mention they’re having hella fun with their fuzzy glow-coats and dancing around a parlour eating cake? like what the fuck, i don’t know what kind of cult this is but i want in! also tht means i would get to be joy’s lesbian luver and nothing else brings me greater elation.

a kpop music video i would not want to get stuck in is exo - wolf. there doesnt need to be an explanation. we already know the answer.

[10]. which AU have you always wanted to write but haven’t?

okay, first of all, bitch. there are abt one million au’s i wanna explore so inexplicably bad but i just havent gotten the time or the energy to compile the research/plan the plot. for starters, since opening this blog over two years ago, ive always wanted to write something with a serial killer. which sounds a bit scary and fucked but i absolutely lov thriller/horror movies. ive watched pretty much all of them. i find the suspension and how the scenes manipulate your body to be something unique in tht moment and to build the talent to be able to write such an AU would be my mf’ goal. it would most likely be very long and graphic, but my descriptive brain would chew tht up.

more au’s bordering along the dark line would be ghosts, vampires and demons. those are most fascinating to me. if a softer light, i’d like to write a surfer!au (specifically for joshua) and an android!au.

[11]. use a meme to describe how your 2017 went and how you want your 2018 to go.

my 2017 was somethin like this:

and i’d like my 2018 to be a lil like this:

[MY QUESTIONS]

01: would you rather explore outer space or the ocean? 02: do you wear any makeup? 03: two idol groups you’d like to collab? 04: if you could only listen to three svt songs, what would they be? 05: dusk or dawn? 06: show a picture of your handwriting? 07: what is your favourite word that’s in another language? 08: the countryside or the city? 09: what’s better in a muse, humour or kindness? 10: choose three idols. one to be your best friend, bro/sis, and spouse. 11: something you didnt do in 2017 that you want to do in 2018?

don’t feel tht this tag is mandatory! i hope everyone has been staying healthy n well n i wish for u all 2 experience good things in the new year! <3

[avpdnoisearchive]

just a lil avpd.. story? idk. it’s nearly 2am and i’m not tired at all and my brain is bein a lil bitch so i’m just gonna talk about this bc it’s pertinent to this blog. thank u

so i reached out to a friend who i literally have not seen since last october and we’re gonna catch up next week :-) she’s one of my closest friends & i love her so much and me avoiding her has been such a huge source of sadness + stress + self loathing. 

i started to avoid her because while i was on my way to see her back in october i had a really really scary incident while driving and she saw me at my most vulnerable (like sobbing and anxious and scared and awful) and it was just. the most embarrassing thing ever. i felt so ashamed and i wanted desperately not to think about the incident so the Lite Avoiding started (aka the kind i can easily fix with a text like ‘hey sorry i was MIA for two weeks what’s up’). but then i went into a HORRIBLE depressive episode. it dipped in and out from extremely severe (like thinking about suicide constantly) to pretty bad (like not thinking about suicide but then also not thinking about Anything except sleep). this lasted until the beginning of february. i barely saw anyone around that time. i left the house like 3 or 4 times because of christmas things. i saw my sp a couple times, but that was it.

and then by the time i got into a phd program and came out of my depressive episode so much time had passed.. i still felt (and feel) so ashamed that she saw me in that state. i straight up wanna die every time i think about it lmao. so i kept putting it off and putting it off and it was making me feel worse and worse

anyway i finally, finally messaged her. i am nervous to see her because i feel so bad about avoiding and our friendship means so much to me so like a lot is riding on this??

ugh this all makes me sound so lame but honestly up until that point in october i only had my best friend and her. i have one other friend who is basically just a few notches up from an acquaintance (and i’ve also been avoiding her this year because of similar reasons). and that’s literally it. i obviously have a bunch of acquaintances from school and i have some family members and ofc my internet pals but literally no other irl friends. just two good friends. and my stupid brain was making me lose one of them.

i just love her and respect her so much.. we think so alike and i love talking to her and we’ve been friends since high school. if i lost her i’d be completely devastated tbh. i know she’s probably better off without me bc i’m a terrible friend but i just can’t leave toronto without seeing her and letting her know how much she means to me and how sorry i am

this got a lot more emo and long than i thought it would lol.. i kinda wanted this to be like.. an avpd success story or?? that sounds dumb but like. even if you’ve avoided someone for months and you think u can never talk to them again and you feel like the worst most terrible person ever, i am proof that u can reach a point where ur love for that person & ur need for that friendship overcomes your terrible, terrible symptoms

i really hope it goes well and she doesn’t hate me. but at the very least i’m proud of myself for not letting my avpd & depression ruin this friendship without a fight