#i reread it last week and it’s not half as bad as i was expecting

[gaysforbyler]

Is something going on today because I’ve gotten like 11 comments on my fics and the majority weren’t even because of the new chapter I posted

I maybe get a couple a month on average for my old works. Is it a Christmas eve eve tradition to read gay fan fiction?

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things aren’t going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when it’s happy. Maybe I’ll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But I’m thinking about the way I’m thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.

In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasn’t even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations I’d had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didn’t supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. That’s a real job you can do for almost five years. I didn’t have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.

Those days weren’t bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.

On 2016’s Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night before—not just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope I’d had in human nature because now I didn’t feel it anymore. It’s almost silly when I think about it—so many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didn’t think I was naive to that—but something clicked into place that morning.

It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, I’d tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. I’d written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: “Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.”

I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldn’t be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didn’t work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.

That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.

It doesn’t feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if that’s the grade it actually deserved. We hadn’t been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Grace’s murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.

Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasn’t interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.

I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trump’s election in 2016 felt like that.

After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldn’t kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, “what if I got into politics.” Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trump’s inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.

Now it’s election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, there’s Palestine. Meanwhile there’s Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.

I don’t think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in November— how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.

I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I don’t know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naïveté to the world—not to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. It’s not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynic’s pleasant surprise.

Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a person’s life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.

I’m lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what I’ll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimist’s optimism: to a degree the election doesn’t matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.

But please god please, why can’t it be just a little easier to do it?

[jack-kellys]

OOUGHGHHHH CAN U MAYBE DO ,, WHO DID THIS TO YOU ,,,, W JAVEY ,,, PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC WHATEVER FITS THE VIBE IDK ,,,,

also unrelated sidenote i accidentally misread "soup for the sick" and thought it said "soup for the dick" and i was like yknow what? yeah sure. before i reread it and realized what it actually said LMFAO

soup for the dick as a bad things happen event.. hmm

ao3 series is here, and u can request a trope from these. let's get into it.

David isn’t one to stay over at the lodge. It’s not a simple thing to head all the way to his family’s small apartment, give them the news, and head all the way back afterward. Usually it’s rather late when he gets the chance to, and consequently hard to prove to his parents why he should stay out instead.

So this time, he doesn’t tell his parents.

Today marks the last day of Jack’s first week as an artist at the World. Sometimes he gets out early enough to sell the evening, or sometimes he goes in late enough to sell the morning. Today was a morning sell day, so David hasn’t seen the boy all day, and he should be seeing him… about thirty minutes ago, approximately. 

David sits on the lodge’s steps inside, feeling like an overgrown weed as other kids tumble up and down past him as they come down for or finish up their suppers. Maybe it’s childish to wait up for the other, and Jack could have easily gotten caught up with something at a place like that with all these fancy people. Maybe Katherine is simply introducing him to some people, or something. 

“I ain’t like it either,” snaps David from his thoughts, and he glances up and behind him at the stairs’ landing. Crutchie’s pulling himself out of the window there, so he must have been up on the roof. He gives David a small smile. “You’re waiting for him, right?”

“Yeah,” David half-grumbles. At this point he and Jack’s…tendencies toward each other were quite apparent with the Lower Manhattan newsies, so he supposes he shouldn’t be too embarrassed about being obvious. “He’s not usually this late, not after office stuff.”

Crutchie bends down with a balance and strength David can only wish he had, pushing his crutch toward David. David crawls up a stair or to and takes it leaving Crutchie free to hop down with the railing. 

“I know,” Crutchie agrees. “And, I mean. He knows this’s the one time to see you today?”

David bites lip, giving a slight nod.

“Then I really ain’t like it,” Crutchie chuckles, though his eyebrows furrow. David smiles his nervous appreciation at the other. “Look, Dave, I’m sure he’ll be here soon. He’s probably thinkin’ all about how you’re sitting here sighin’ to yourself as you stare out the front window.”

“Crutchie,” David mumbles, feeling his face heat up. He’s not as much sighing and batting his eyes as he is gripping the fabric of his slacks and trying to slow his mind down from the top speed it wants to run at. “I’m worried.” 

“Me too,” C assures, tossing an arm over David’s shoulders once he sits himself down. David leans into the other, frowning to himself but glad to no longer wait alone.  

‘Alone’ quickly becomes a luxury as another twenty minutes slips by. The volume in the building has reached its exponential climax upstairs- most of the kids have washed up after dinner and plenty of them will be heading downstairs to the supper tables again to play cards and other games before lights out. 

“Move, Davey!” is demanded of him by 14-year-old JoJo, and David looks up to see her hands on her hips, expectant. Crutchie remains seated, also giving David an expectant look. David does as told. 

Children bounce down the stairs, followed up by Racer, Specs, and Albert, who pause when they see David and Crutchie. 

“Jack ain’t show?” Albert sighs, shaking his head. “Jeez.” 

“I haven’t heard anything from anybody, either,” Specs supplies. “No one’s seen him since the morning edition- not enough to know where he’s at now.” 

So a longer length of time than David had thought. His mind starts running at the speed it wanted to, gaze sliding to Racer’s. They had to start searching.

Racer nods, thankfully reading David’s mind as he heads down the rest of the stairs. “Let’s go, come on.” 

David jumps up instantly, feet wanting to move by now after far too much waiting, but movement outside of the front door stops both of them. 

“Great timing as always, Jackie,” Racer mutters to himself, but the door opens, and it’s Katherine, eyes shockingly wide, door still concealing most of her body.

“Kath?” David says, coming up to the door to open it for her. “You okay? Where’s-”

And then he opens it all the way. 

Jack Kelly is pressed desperately into her side, his arm slung over Katherine’s shoulder as she clearly holds most of his weight. Both his eyes are half closed, one clearly by someone’s hard fist as the bruise around it purples part of his wide nose, smearing half the boy’s face in the color. His lip’s busted, blood only starting to congeal as past drippings of it still line his chin. His cheek’s split, the knuckles David can see are bruised and open, who knows what’s under his shirt, someone's touched his hair. 

David’s stiffened, he realizes, as he knows everyone’s gaze on him. His eyes are only on Jack, blindingly on Jack, edges turning red, especially when Jack grins. 

“Davey…” he says, smiley, too smiley for David’s liking, “you’re still here, ‘s good, good. Wanted to see you, so Kath- Kath go’me here.” 

“Kath,” David says, steely, softly.

“Yep,” she replies, and David takes Jack’s other side, the both of them carrying Jack through the door together in silence, save for Jack’s sharp intakes of air every few steps. 

The thing about the main floor is that it is small and filled with tables. The thing about nearly every bed in the building is that they’re up a flight of stairs. Long ago, David figures, this problem was recognized and a couple mattresses were tossed down the stairs to live in the back of the main floor. This also means David and Katherine are forced to drag Jack’s corpse-looking figure to said mattress, and the last person to occupy it had been Splasher after the strikebreaking.

Every single kid in the building watches as David and Katherine move Jack to the back, eyes huge. Race, Specs, and Albert speed ahead to start pulling tables back and out of the way, and Crutchie follows, speaking softly to a few more vocal newsies to calm them down. It’s more quiet than David’s ever experienced in the usual madhouse of noise the lodge is. 

Slowly, he and Katherine lay Jack down on his back, and Kath immediately turns to him. 

“I just found him like this, right outside the main building,” she says, words hurried and brows crumpled into a deep crease. “I don’t know if someone tossed him there or- or if it happened right out in the open and I had no idea- I- I was working late and I’m- his ribs are busted up too, I checked. I didn’t know how else to- where else to go.”

“Right place,” Race says with a curt nod. “I’m gonna grab Mush, this’s… a whole operation.” 

He zips off, leaving still too many bodies around David and Jack when Jack is hurt and David’s chest is about to fucking burst with the fact. 

“Uh,” he lets out quickly, suddenly, his mouth motoring without his permission. Crutchie, Kath, Albert, Specs, everyone in the room looks at him. “Can you-” David stops himself. He won’t get anywhere if he asks. “Move, guys. Move, for a minute.”

It’s callous, he knows, and demanding, and maybe even unfair. They’re all worried, just like David.

They move. Katherine squeezes his shoulder, and Crutchie gives himself one last look at Jack, but they all move. It’s just Davey and Jack. 

David looks down at the other again, gaze withering. Carefully, his fingers touch the safest parts of Jack’s face, and Jack just barely turns toward him. 

“Who did this to you,” David demands, clear, enunciated, burning.

Jack watches him as much as he’s able, but he deliberately looks away after a few moments, delirious smile dimmed.

“Y’know those’m, those… friends I said I made? At the World?” he mumbles out. His lip quirks, since he’s about to admit something, and David finds a kerchief in his pocket to wipe the boy’s lip quickly. “They.. ain’t my friends, ‘s f’sure, Davey.”

“No they would not be,” David tries to agree softly, but it comes out of his mouth argumentative, maybe. Jack gives him a smile, covering a wince- David catches his hand trying to find his ribs. 

“You look like you’re gonna do something stupid,” Jack hums. 

“I don’t- have.. a look that indicates that,” David spits out. 

“If you’re gonna do it,” Jack continues, and there’s this look in his eye that tells David that Jack is just as angry as he is, “bring someone.”

David brings Race. 

He gets a general description from Jack as the night goes on, Mush having peeled back Jack’s shirt to ice his ribs and stitch up the cut in Jack’s cheek, and Kath points the two boys out to Race and David the next day. It’s kind of a team effort, sure, but to David the effort isn’t done until his fist is in someone’s gut. 

Things have made him feel ugly inside before, it isn’t that unusual for him, but this ugliness is hot and flaming and demanding action. And in the name of the boy David thinks he loves, he’ll let it the hell out. Race’s dark smirk only encourages it. 

He and Race surprise the boys, catching them on their way home. David hasn’t been in many fights since the strike, in all honesty, but he’s had to fend for himself at school as the new resident working boy in his classes. 

David doesn’t let himself think. If he thinks, he’ll stop, and that’s probably the better option, so David has to ignore it. He’s doing the stupid thing, he brought someone, and they screwed up one of Jack’s braids and beat his face in and–

He forgot how much it hurt to hit someone…

David shoves one of the guys into the alley as Race does, and his knuckles find his guy’s nose- once, twice. He earns one to his jaw, and he tries not to reel in surprise, because Race isn’t- Race takes his punch to the ribs he receives and hits back two times quicker as if to erase the action as a whole. 

David isn’t fast in that way, but he’s damn tall, and he takes his target’s shoulders and drives him against the wall, nailing him in the gut while he holds him there. The boy tries to rip David’s grip away, but David practically slams him back as a knee-jerk reaction. His eyes widen at himself, but it’s fine, it’s an opening. He runs his fist into the boy’s cheek. 

“David,” Race hisses after what must be a while, and David’s attention snaps up and over at the other. He nods, and they both drop what they’re doing and scram.

They slow to a quick walk after a few blocks, and Race grins, slapping David’s chest. The boy’s sporting a bruise by his temple, and David thinks he remembers Racer’s head hitting the brick wall.

“You gotta tell Jack! Davey, I never seen you fight like that,” Racer says, beaming at David- proud of him. David can’t help sending a tiny smile back.

“I know that was- uh- well, very reckless, and unbelievably stupid, so,” David sighs out, “thank you.” 

“Yeah, man, I got you,” Race nods. “For Jack, yeah?”

David finds himself nodding, vigorously, not thinking. Not needing to think.

“For Jack,” he echoes. 

The lodge welcomes them back heartily, and David can see Jack sitting up on the mattress in the back, which he should not be fucking doing. He ignores the cheers and rushes over to him.

“What are you doing?” he hisses. “Didn’t Mush say you shouldn’t sit up on your-”

Dark, cherry-colored lips press to his, sudden and silencing. David can feel the cut on Jack’s bottom one with his tongue when he pulls away. 

“You’re nose’s bleedin’” Jack whispers, smirking. David wipes it quickly.

“Uh, sorry,” he lets out, blinking at the other. 

“Did you get ‘em good?” Jack asks, looking up at him, a little differently. Jack’s gaze keeps slipping downward just a tick. David nods slowly.

“I think we did, yeah,” he confirms. “Race was a great help.”

He sits himself next to Jack, even though the boy should really lay down. Instead, Jack shifts himself against David, making himself comfortable. David’s arm slips around his waist.

“You really…care, about me,” Jack says softly. 

“Of course I do,” David nearly scoffs. “Jack. I-”

“This’s something else, Davey, yeah? Somethin’ new?”

David thinks about the burning, and the ugliness- how Jack’s pain had made him feel ugly inside, not just Jack. How he didn’t even think.

“Yeah,” David says. “You okay with it?”

Jack gazes at him again. One of his eyes is officially swollen shut, but the other is wide open, burning with something beautiful.

“Yeah,” Jack smiles. David returns it, without a thought. 

[nomsfaultau]

thank you so much for writing mandatory family reunion. i just reread it for the eighth time. i think im going to dedicate my life to life to reading your other sbi fics until you update again. also; do you have any tips for committing to fics and not leaving them half-finished?

ahhhh that’s so sweet glad you enjoyed! As for writing fics, having it be your special interest really helps. But for more general advice on finishing:

-Don’t stick to just one story. Which seems counter intuitive! But inevitably you’re going to hit a snag in one story. So instead of stopping writing at all, switch projects. Writing involves a whole bunch of thinking, and stuff needs time to percolate in the back of your head. But having a small project to work on in the mean time keeps you engaged in the writing process, gives you practice, makes you feel like you’re making progress, and allows time to work out the other story. I personally have 1-2 main projects, Fault and MFR, and then rotate a couple back burner stories that I work on whenever I get inspiration and fully expect to have very slow progress and possibly never finish. Short stories, one shots, hell even just writing little one off scenes that don’t go anywhere. It’s a way to keep writing fun and thus you’re more likely to continue working on the stuff you’re trying to complete. Don’t feel bad if there’s breaks between working on your main project. Writing involves a lot of thinking and it takes time to do that.

-Devoting time to do that thinking also significantly helps. When you’re falling asleep can be a good time to rotate stories in your head. Could also be if you’re walking from place to place, or brushing your teeth, or other little gaps in the day. Even if you’re not physically writing, it’s still part of the process and can make it easier when you actually sit down to write because you know what scene you’re most excited to work on. Also, talking over your story idea with a friend is a great way to stay motivated if you can get over the mortifying ordeal of being known. You can bounce ideas off them, and other people’s investment in a project can be a great motivator to finish. Like legit a single ao3 comment once stopped me from my plan to abandon a fic. Reminding yourself why you (and other people) like the story makes it easier to want to continue.

-Keeping a rough outline of what you envision for the story can give you a road map to how close to done you are and where to go next. Just like you can hop between projects, I find jumping around the plot time line to write what scene I’m most interested in atm keeps me going instead of writing everything in order. Though, all writers have different degrees of plot planning, so that depends on your style.

-Art! I’m an artist, and while writing definitely fuels what I draw, I find doodling cool scenes I want to write really inspires me to keep going. This sorta falls under the same category of continuing to think about the story and motivating you to finish. -I found keeping a writing journal has improved how I view my writing. Basically, I’ll jot down a bullet point list of scenes worked on that week/month. Writing is a very slow process, so seeing a timeline of actual progression on a story makes it feel like I’m actually getting more out of my head and onto paper. I also jot down what ideas for scenes I came up with since that’s also part of writing, and might include a chill no stakes writing goal for that period, like work on X or Y project, or a particular scene. Sometimes my goal is just ‘write at least one sentence’. I give it lots of leeway, and accept that the muse may just be somewhere else that week. And if the goal isn’t met, no sweat! Life can get busy at times and it’s more important that you aren’t beating yourself up if it’s been awhile since you last touched a project. Forcing yourself to write a scene that isn’t ready won’t result in a good scene or an happy writer. Switch projects, give yourself time to think about it, take care of yourself, etc.

And, legitimately, don’t be afraid to abandon a piece. Maybe you’ll come back to it, maybe you won’t. It can feel disheartening to feel like you can’t seem to finish a project, but unfinished pieces also do a lot for you: they hone your craft, allow you a creative outlet, give you scenes that could potentially be reworked for later pieces, and most importantly were hopefully fun to write! Story crafting is a hobby that should bring you joy, not frustration and shame.

Like, I have stories that will never see the light of day and are just so I can have fun and poke it with a stick occasionally. I’m 100% confident in saying that every author will have tenfold the number of unfinished wips compared to complete works. That’s just part of the creative process: exploring different worlds to find the one you want to write.

Perhaps a fic might never get finished, but in the wise words of Technoblade: “if you enjoy it, it’s not time wasted, no?”

(Now, I think he was talking about murdering people, but the point still stands.)

[ninja-muse]

2023 Reading Wrap-up

I feel like this year was pretty average in terms of my reading. Some great books, some awful books, a lot of books in the middle. And while I feel as if I kept hitting slumps, I don’t think my stats really reflect that. I kept reading and even though I didn’t hit my goal of 140 books, that’s more because I read more thick and dense books, spent more time writing, and am one year further from the direness of 2020 and 2021.

This also seems to have been the year of T. Kingfisher for me (and also Ursula Vernon). I read several of her horror novels, as well as Digger and a bunch of the ebooks she makes free for patrons, which are really easy go-tos when you want something light and right now. I was kind of surprised when I realized she was my top author because usually that’s Seanan McGuire.

And I read more ebooks in general, because why should I wait for two months for the library to get a physical book in circulation when I can wait two weeks for it to come in on Libby? I’m still trying to reserve Libby use for lighter, faster, less involved books, because I tend to end up skimming a little more and there’s something about physical paper that helps me retain info better when the text is dense.

Now, stats! Yearly total: 128, excluding rereads and picture books Queer books: 44 (34%) Authors of colour: 15 (11.7%) Books by women: 74.5 (58%) Authors outside the binary: 7.5 (5.8%) Canadian authors: 14 (10.9%) Off the TBR shelves: 39 (30.4%) Books hauled: 41 ARCs acquired: 57 ARCs unhauled: 60 DNFs: 9 Rereads: 3 Picture Books: 6

If you look at last year’s stats and the year before’s, I’m pretty much holding steady in terms of my diverse reading—a little more than a third queer, about 60% female and 10% Canadian, around 6% gender-diverse authors. I’m way down on authors of colour though, and I didn’t hit my stretch goal of 20 Canadians, so those are things I’ll have to pay attention to in the year to come. It would be nice if I could manage more queer books too, but that’s not something I’m going to try for quite as much.

Two of my reading goals for the year were to read more books from my TBR than I acquired, and to keep my ARC levels about even. Seems like I pretty much hit them! I expect that 2024 will see fewer book acquisitions because a lot of my 2023 haul was bookstore visits with my dad and we’ve now hit pretty much every store in the city. I was honestly kind of surprised that my ARC problem stands where it does. I was so sure that I was going to have at least 10 more incoming books than outgoing. Go me! My spring ARC purge really, really helped.

I did all right on the rest of my reading goals. All but one book read (The Great Cat Massacre), which was the real point of the list! I only managed to finish one StoryGraph challenge, if you don’t count my pages goal, and as always I failed to read as many classics as I wanted. I’m starting to suspect I’m not a classics person, despite my interest in history and historical fiction. If anyone has classics recs for me, let me know?

To be completely honest, though, I'm not sure I'm going to continue posting to Tumblr. I pretty much stopped updating my feed in the summer and I've felt more relaxed, both in terms of Things To Do Each Day but also in terms of my reading. When I was more active on here, I felt pressured to read diversely at all times and though I try to have a healthy spread of perspectives, I know that I generally don't and am therefore a bad person by Tumblr standards. I am curious what my mutuals have been getting up to this year so please, sound off! And let me know if you do want to see reviews and wrap-ups continue here.

(Friendly reminder that I'm ninjamuse on Storygraph and LibraryThing, if you'd like to follow me there.)

And if anyone’s interested, here are the rest of my year’s highlights:

Top Five Fiction (not ranked)

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher

Menewood - Nicola Griffith

Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi - Shannon Chakraborty

Top Five Non-Fiction (not ranked)

Magisteria - Nicholas Spencer

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, editor

Lay Them to Rest - Laurah Norton

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

Most Impressed By:

Shubeik Lubeik - Deena Mohamed

Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

Most Disappointing:

Tortilla Flat - John Steinbeck

British Columbiana - Josie Teed

A Killing in Costumes - Zac Bissonette

Tauhou - Kōtuku Titihuia Nuttall

Longest Book: The Hands of the Emperor - Victoria Goddard

Best queer book: Diary of a Misfit - Casey Parks

Did I beat 2022? No. Did I beat my Best Year Ever? No. That would be 2021. Did I read more classics? Not even close. Did I read more Canadians? No. I held about steady. Did I whittle my TBR shelves down any? No. Was it a good reading year? Probably about average?

Breakdowns by month:

January February March April May June July August September October November December

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!! i know you’re focusing on the thanksgiving stuff rn and slay yes go off but this is me begging you to torture wendy sometime soon <3333 i know you know i love her and i’m trying SO hard not to be annoying about requesting her too much but ,,,, the type of dopamine i get whenever i read one of *those* fics (wen as sickie) is truly unreal and i’ve been craving it sm lately (and i’ve already reread all your old ones *almost* too many times LMAO) 🤭 also PLS DONT TAKE THIS AS ME PRESSURING YOU OR EXPECTING THINGS FROM YOU‼️‼️‼️ THATS THE LAST THING I WANT‼️‼️ THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO‼️‼️‼️ im just putting this out there to gently suggest that you torture her whenever you have the time and energy to lolll <3

the trope can be literally anything you want but i’m really feeling a migraine fic 👀 like a bad one!!! but having her kind of hide it until she can’t anymore? and then vin maybe feeling all guilty about not noticing it sooner + him being all soft and adorable and worried? smiling and blushing just thinking about this ahhhh

thank u sm i love u

🦦

And 🧷 asked:

HI Just jumping on board the girly request train (To add this to your hoard for if you have the time/will). Consider, if you will: Wendy sick at work with Jonah as a not-so-great caretaker having to call Vince like "Come get your girl." (Wendy does deserve belly rubs and also just... hugs. Lots of them. And a gentle smooch on the forehead) (And you know I love bitchy Jonah and I can't think of a shittier caretaker /pos /aff /very affectionate /I love him okay?) -🧷

----

Jonah was in a bad mood. Which he knew wasn't saying much, because these days he was always in a bad mood, but whatever. He was in a shitty fucking mood.

Graduation was closer than ever, happening in a little less than two weeks. Meaning he had exactly 4 days to finish all the documentation and essays and double check his hours and also pick an outfit and send the bloody invitation to his mother and stepfather and his father, fuck, he had forgotten about-

"Switch with me," Wendy interrupted his stream of thoughts, entering the office area. Jonah let out a scoff, rolling his eyes.

"Absolutely not," he said, turning back to the paperwork he had been filling in. He had already done his hours in the ER, there was no way he was gonna do Wen's too.

"Please," Wendy said, although she didn't sound like she was asking, "switch with me, I'll take your hours tomorrow-"

"Nope," Jonah shook his head, not bothering to look up from where he was filing up the report of each patient he had had all day, "you're distracting me, Wendy."

"Jonah, I really can't do the ER right now-"

"No one likes the ER," Jonah shrugged, signing his name with a little too much force. He really wanted to go home. It was almost 10 PM and he still hadn't had dinner and although he didn't have classes tomorrow, he had so many things to hand in. Did he revise his residency application?

"Jon, please I..." Wendy whined and Jonah's head snapped up, pissed off.

"Wendy no," he glared at her, "I'm not switching, give up."

She pressed her hands to her face, before letting out a sigh and turning around, wordlessly leaving the office.

Jon's stomach sunk and he felt a pang to his chest, but he stood his ground. He had worked his hours today and he really needed to go home and Wendy was not going to puppy eye her way into getting him to do a double ER shift, not when he was this exhausted, even if it was just the remaining one hour and half.

He got back to the task at hand and by the time he glanced up again, it was time to get going. 11:30 PM, Leo would probably be asleep, Jonah thought sourly, locking all the documents inside of his designated drawer and getting up.

Claire was just getting in as Jonah walked to the doctor's staff to strip his white doctor coat and grab his bag as well as his scarf. She waved at him as he unlocked his locker, "hi, Jon."

"Hi Claire," he yawned, folding his coat.

"Uh..." Claire frowned as she unlocked her own locker. She shared with Wendy, but Wen's clothes were still inside, "that's odd, I didn't see her in the ER..."

Jonah felt a weird sense of unease wash over him. He draped the scarf around his neck, "here, take mine. Just let Todd know when he clocks in..." he said, "I'm gonna check if she's still clocked in."

Jonah hated the guy who had been doing the last round with Wendy. Chris wasn't just annoying as hell, he was also a careless idiot who messed up constantly. Jon had lost count the amount of times he had gone toe to toe with the guy.

"Chris," Jonah said, managing to get him alone just as he turned the hallways, Chris probably going to clock out too, "did you see Wendy?"

"No," Chris scoffed, glaring at him, "not since she bailed on me. If you find her, let her know that she's fucked. I made a complaint with our supervisor."

"What...?" Jonah frowned. Wendy didn't bail, Jon could count in one hand the amount of times she had taken time out of her clinic hours. She often covered for others. She would never just quit and up and leave.

"Yeah," Chris rolled his eyes, "said she was gonna get water and I haven't seen her since. I had to go through all of her fucking patients. Peters is gonna chew her up tomorrow."

"How long ago was that?" Jonah asked, feeling anxiety prickling all over him. This was widely out of characters.

"An hour ago? I don't know," Chris shrugged, before stepping around Jonah, "excuse me."

Jon didn't acknowledge him at all, already fishing his phone out of his pocket and pressing the 3, Wendy's speed dial digit. It rang and rang and no one picked up.

Her car was in the parking lot still, getting covered with snow. Shit.

"Wendy, it's me. Please pick up your phone, I'm worried," Jonah send her a voice message, before immediately trying to call again. If the car was still there, then she was still in the hospital.

The question was where? Their university hospital was a big place, since they were the reference not just for their town but for other five around them. It had four floors and was almost as large as a whole block.

"Shit, shit, shit," Jonah chanted, heading to the main nurse station near the ER. The head nurse from Wendy's shift probably had clocked out already, the new one wouldn't know where she was...

"Marjorie! Nurse Marjorie!" Jonah ran down the hall, catching her just as she was about to walk to walk out of the door to the parking lot. She paused, looking confused and spooked.

"Dr. Banks-"

"Hi," Jonah panted, catching up with her, "sorry, I didn't mean to startle you- Did you see Wendy?"

"Wendy?" she frowned and Jonah nodded.

"Dr. Marshall?"

Marjorie's frown twisted into a grimace, "oh yeah, downstairs," she nodded, "about twenty minutes ago? She was in a bad shape, poor thing."

"A bad shape?" Jonah's heart squeezed and he looked around as if he'd somehow spot Wendy in the crowd that was coming and going, "where was she exactly?"

"Well, I entered the ladies room and she wasn't looking so hot, but she said she'd go home, so..." Nurse Marjorie shrugged, "she's probably left by now."

"Which side?"

"West wing-"

"Thank you," Jonah shook her hand awkwardly, before turning around and running back towards the stairs. He just wished no supervisor saw him running around like that, he'd for sure get called out.

There were two bathrooms down in the west wing, where they got the x-rays exams done. One was gender neutral, then two gendered ones down the long hallway. Jonah made a silent prayer before entering the female bathroom.

It was empty.

Or rather, it seemed empty, but a small sob cued him to the fact that it wasn't so. Jonah power walked across the room, before knocking on the last stall, "Wendy? Wen, is that you?" please let it be her.

There was a small groan from inside, a voice he recognized and he spotted her white shoes peeking out, with the lilac details.

"Wendy, it's me," Jonah knocked again, "can you unlock the door, please?"

"Uhm..." she grumbled from inside and he heard the sound of fingers drumming on the door, as she clumsily attempted to unlock it. It took a minute before she managed to do so and then Jonah pushed it in, regretting it as Wendy let out a whine as the door hit her thigh.

He waited until she moved out of the way to push the door again and Jonah frowned. Wendy was sitting on the ground, one arm draped over the toilet, her head resting on her hand. The little he could see of her face, Jon could tell was extremely pale.

"Goddammit, Wendy..." he crouched down next to her, "Wen? Hey, look at me, sweetheart-"

"Hurss...hurts..." she slurred instead of answering him, her voice barely above a whisper. The toilet was empty, but Jonah could tell she had already thrown up at least once, if the wet spot in front of her baby green scrubs were anything to go by.

"What hurts, Wendy?" he leaned in, planting a hand on her shoulder. She was freezing, even though she was wearing a long sleeved shirt under the short sleeved hospital clothes.

"Head..." Wendy whimpered, curling up even more, sounding dangerously close to tears. She hugged her knees, pressing her forehead to them and rocked back and forth, "I don't feel well, Jon..."

"I know, Dee," Jonah whispered, moving even closer and ignoring the smell of vomit, so he could cup her chin and force her to lift her head, "let me see your eyes, Wendy."

They were filled with tears, squinting from the pain. The minute he raised her face, she flinched from the overhead white light, and gulped nervously, shoving his hand off her face.

"I'm... I'm gonna be sick..." she groaned, leaning over the toilet again. Jonah scrambled forward to grab her hair, immediately gagging as he felt one of the front pieces was already wet and sticky.

He buried his nose in his shoulder, gagging fruitlessly. There was nothing for him to puke and clearly, nothing for Wendy to bring up either, because after a little more retching, she let out a sob and resorted to resting her forehead to the porcelain, sobbing.

"No, darling, don't do that, this is disgusting..." Jonah cooed, sliding his hand between her forehead and the toilet and wrapping his other arm around her waist, pulling her up.

Although she was unstable as a newborn fawn, she didn't immediately collapse, clinging to his coat with all her force. Jonah pushed the stall door open, slowly guiding her to the sinks and Wendy slumped over the granite with her whole body, letting out a whine as he ran his hands under the tap to turn on the motion sensor and then ran his now wet, cold hands on her face, washing her mouth and chin, as well as the sick covered piece of hair.

"Shhh, you're okay, I got you," Jonah whispered, more for his benefit than hers, as Wendy's whole face scrunched up in pain, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes.

"I don't... I don't want you," she groaned and Jonah's stomach turned for a different reason, simple and plain guilt.

"I know, I'm gonna get you to Vin," he answered instead, "I'm really sorry, Wen, I didn't know you weren't feeling well..."

She let out another groan, ignoring his apology and Jonah bit his tongue to stop the string of words he wanted to say. He wanted to apologize again, he wanted to grill her about her symptoms, why she hadn't started off by saying she was sick previously when requesting he switched with her, why she hadn't told him...

She shuddered, hugging herself and Jonah stripped his coat, wrapping Wendy in it and closing the first button on the front. It was far too big for her, it reached the middle of Jon's thighs, but on Wendy the coat was brushing the floor.

Wordlessly she slumped forward, pressing her forehead to his chest and Jonah wrapped an arm around her, guiding her out of the bathroom.

As soon as they reached the ground level floor, she let out a loud whine. The place was much more crowded, so much more noisy, and Wendy let out a sob, pressing her face to his chest with even more force.

"Hurts..." She said, grabbing at the roots of her hair and pulling, to try and escape the pain inside her skull.

He left her planted on the couch in the waiting room, as he sped back to the staff quarters to retrieve her purse, as well as her other belongings. Wendy was rocking back and forth when he got back to her, much to the unnerving of the other patients, who kept glancing at her nervously as it looks like she was going to throw up.

"Okay, let's get you out of here," Jon whispered, wrapping his arms around her and guiding Wendy to the car. She shivered violently once they walked out of the hospital, the drastic temperature change hitting them both. Jon's teeth started to chatter and he forced Wendy to keep moving, pushing her inside her car.

"No, don't do that, Dee," Jonah whispered, holding her head as Wendy tried banging it against the window to stop the pain inside, "shhh, lie back down, lie down..." he lowered her seat a little bit, smoothing the hair out of her face.

Wendy let out a pitiful sniffle, curling up on herself, his coat serving as a blanket on top of her. She turned her head, away from his touch and Jonah's stomach sunk a little more.

He parked inside her building, in her designated spot and then scrolled through his contacts. Wendy seemed to be asleep and he didn't want to wake her up unneededly so.

"Hello?" Vince sounded half asleep and Jonah glanced quickly at the clock. It was almost midnight, no wonder, "Jon?"

"Hey," he whispered, "I have Wendy with me, can you unlock the door, please?"

"Wen... Why? What's wrong with her? Are you outside-" there was rustling around, "I don't see you outside."

Jonah rolled his eyes, "I'm downstairs in the parking lot, she-"

"Is she okay? Let me talk with her."

"She's asleep," Jonah started to say, but Wendy stirred and groaned, turning to blindly grab his phone.

"Is that Vin?" she whined, not bothering to open her eyes and, in Jonah's ear, Vince exclaimed.

"Wendy!"

Jonah let out a scoff, "just unlock the door," then hung up, turning to Wendy, "can you walk?"

"Yes," she said, sounding annoyed. She pushed the door open and stumbled out, bracing against the car and taking deep breaths, "my head is exploding."

"You sound better than before," Jonah said hopefully, circling the car to hold her arm, "c'mon, Dee."

"Uhm..." Wendy slumped against him, letting him guide her the rest of the way and Jonah chewed on the inside of his cheek, pressing the elevator button.

"I'm really sorry about before, Wendy. I had no idea you were sick, if I knew I'd have switched."

"It's fine," she said sourly, crossing her arms, "it's fine."

"Wanna say that one more time?" Jonah said, "doesn't sound fine."

"Shut up, Jonah," Wendy groaned, pressing her forehead to his bicep with all her force, "I don't have the energy for this, just shut up."

As soon as the elevator came to a stop, Vince was already there. In the middle of the hallway, wearing just sweatpants, socks and a huge orange hoodie that made Jonah cringe in distaste. His curls were a messy mane around his head and he had been clearly about to fall asleep.

"Hey, hey..." he crossed the hallway in two steps, cupping Wendy's face, "what's wrong, honey?"

She let out a groan, that quickly morphed into a whimper, "my head..."

"Migraine?" he guessed, glancing up worriedly to Jonah, who flinched as if he was somehow guilty for Wendy's migraine.

"Yes, she threw up earlier-"

"It's not as bad anymore," Wendy scoffed, glaring at his direction, before snuggling up with Vince, wrapping her arms around his middle, "I just wanna lie down."

"Thank you for bringing her home," Vince whispered, offering Jonah a big, relieved smile, which only made him feel ten times more guilty. Vin was unaware to his little conundrum, hugging Wendy to him and bringing her inside the house.

Jonah followed them in, planting Wendy's keys and her purse on the little living room table that was littered with books and notecards, where Vince clearly had been studying.

A minute later Vince emerged from the room, having tucked Wendy into bed, Jon's coat draped over his arm, "here. Thank you Jon..."

"Please don't say that," Jonah cringed, taking the coat back, "tell Wendy to call me when she feels better."

Vince frowned, confused, but he nodded, "yeah, of course. Are you calling a taxi?"

"Yes-"

"You can wait in here," Vince said hopefully, "or just crash the couch, it's no problem-"

"No," Jonah shook his head. He was feeling terrible, he really didn't want to stay and witness anymore of Wendy in pain, "no, I have to go home. Leo's probably having a heart attack, I should've been home two hours ago."

It was a little lie. Yes, Leo would be stressing if he was aware, but more probably he was simply asleep by now.

"Okay," Vince crossed the room and then pulled Jon into a hug, causing the man to let out a startled yelp.

"Let go of me."

"Thanks again, man."

"Yeah, let me go..." Jonah shoved him off, "and tell Wendy not to worry about tomorrow, I'll explain to her supervisor what happened."

"Thank you," Vince nodded, although he wasn't sure what he was nodding along with, "you're a great friend."

Jonah grimaced, "yeah, bye."

[door]

Hello! How about 17, 41, and 44 for the book asks? 📚

hi hi! ty for asking. (link to asks)

17. Favorite finished book series.

oh god this is TOUGH. ok i can't do favourites, i'm very bad at favourites. i will list for you some that i love very much and which i revisit often.

the will darling adventures by kj charles (truly a triumph of a trilogy, i reread huge chunks of it after finishing death in the spires last weekend)

the sword dance trilogy by aj demas (another fantastic queer romance/mystery trilogy, set in a fictional ancient mediterraneanish world)

chrestomanci by diana wynne jones (lovelovelovelovelove)

edit to add: i knew there were manga i wanted to include!! CROSS GAME by Mitsuru Adachi and PLANETES by makoto yukimura

41. When you get ready for a week long trip to somewhere how many books do you download/pack inside the suitcase?

entirely depends on the kind of trip! when i go to beach with my family, i fill a tote bag with books + my kindle, because i will be reading interspersed with swimming nearly the entire time. i regularly read a book a day on those trips. if i'm expecting to be doing a lot of sight-seeing or socializing, i'll usually bring one book and/or my kindle. (the caveat to both of these is that i will always manage to bring home more books somehow.)

44. The book(s) whose stories have become part of your very makeup.

neverwhere, for obvious reasons lol. but there are so many. some things i read while very young, some that resonated with me due to place or setting.

i was talking about crooked house by agatha christie with a coworker yesterday because i read it when i was a kid and the twist so shocked me that it stayed with me, until i'd half convinced myself that i'd imagined it. many years later i mentioned this to a friend, who confirmed that yes, it existed, and what it was, and sometime after that someone sold a very cool paperback of it to the bookshop where i worked so i took it home and reread it. turns out i was right to remember it: it's very, very good.

[ao3screenshotss]

if it's possible could you please rec your favourite bungou stray dogs fics??

OH MY GOD YES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ABSOLUTELY I WILL

update now that i've finally finished compiling them: this was so fun to do but a nightmare to choose (there are too many good fics) - thank you so much anon for asking it was so nice to go through my bookmarks again!!! but these are only a few of some of my favourite bsd fics.

i've got 25 here (i'll need to put them underneath a read more it's so so long omg) but if you'd like anymore, my primary blog is the same as my ao3 username and i have a lot of bookmarks there!!! they're all wonderful and i'd recommend all of them. anyways, i hope you enjoy!!

(side note: i tried to post this before the latest and last bsd episode came out and i hope i made it just in time)

And if I'm blinded, will my eyes become the planets? by Yui_Kuromori (5k) - not rated

- I need to leave for a few weeks.

He tells the president in a particularly sunny afternoon. There, with the sunlight filtering through the window, the man’s hair seems to glow golden, and the lines on his face are even more pronounced. Atsushi swallows nervously and does his best not to back off. He looks up, and meets Fukuzawa’s somber eyes and feels a bit of sweat trickle down his neck.

The president sighs and closes his eyes for a second. Runs his hands through his hair, and Atsushi already feels bad about all the problems he’s causing the man. He’s about to apologize, really, when Fukuzawa pronounces tiredly.

- I understand.

They leave to get to know themselves.

( the soft whimsical road trip AU no one asked for)

I am genuinely so in love with this fic you don’t even understand - i find it really quiet and comforting. DEFINITELY underrated - it’s one of the fics i’ll always recommend

TIP: read in the middle of the night before you go to bed!! i’ve read it so many times and this personally was my favourite time to read it

yokohama bay hotel by spirallings (9k) - teen

Ryuunosuke started his channel, originally, as a means to make his sister smile and laugh when they lived in that oppressive house. It grew far beyond that and allowed them to escape, and now it's his means of income: but he has always kept a tight lid on his privacy, separating his personal life from the persona he puts on YouTube and social media accounts.

While struggling to come up with ideas, he clicks on a video on his recommended feed and it leads him to the work of a reclusive musician under the penname Byakko Chain. All Ryuunosuke knows about him at first is his singing voice, his hands, and his guitar.

And those walls come tumbling down.

this fic i think is one i didn't expect to love as much as i did - i actually just reread it, but the comment i wrote before was that i didn't remember what happened in the fic, i just clearly remember how much i loved it - the first half was amazing but it's definitely the second half that ties it altogether

also i think the way the author writes makes it so easy to imagine - like,, the imagery isn't overdone but you can kinda see what it's like and it's so sweet (it actually reminds me of one of my favourite study with me's set in yokohama - also a rec!!)

TIP: id just say somewhere quiet where you can listen to music - i could easily read it during the day but i just prefer comforting fics late at night cause they make me feel like when i wake up i can actually live out what happens in the fic (obviously i can't but it's nice to dream)

An Awkward Encounter by SapphireSunstone (4k) - teen

Imagine you're trying to leave your secret boyfriend's place only to be met with your co-worker who is also trying to leave his secret boyfriend's place and in the middle of arguing you see your secret boyfriend's co-worker and you see a glimpse of his secret-boyfriend.

OR

Chuuya and Akutagawa's walks of shame seem to follow a similar path.

fluff and crack, what else could you ask for? side note: it also reminded me of a post i saw a while back by @hoshiumiumi (please look at their latest poe art it’s so pretty!!)

TIP: no tip, read whenever!!! might smile though so don’t read in front of your parents/friends if they’re the type of people who ask ‘oh what are you smiling at? are you texting someone?’and you don’t wanna tell them that you read fanfic

Into Your World by leedonghyucks (110k) - teen

A case gone wrong had caused Atsushi and Akutagawa to be transported to an unknown universe set 200 years into the future, where Abilities (now known as Quirks) were as rampant as ever. The renowned new Double Black have faced many fearsome enemies but can they survive the trials and tribulations of hero high school?

Spoiler alert: Barely.

a bsd and bnha crossover!! i actually remember a few of my screenshots from this - it’s a bit long compared to my other recs so far but very good

TIP: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE HOMEWORK YOU WILL NOT STOP READING THIS

Plate :( by forest_raccoon (4k) - teen

It's an accident, for once. He was actually following the Official Household Chore Schedule and doing the dishes while Chuuya was out getting groceries. But one of the plates was slipperier than he expected, and as he attempted to dry it, it fumbled just enough out of his grip to crack against the countertop, chipping a bit off the edge.

It isn’t one of Chuuya’s fancy plates. Dazai is fairly certain that Chuuya has no particular attachment to this dish at all, actually. It’s plain white and utilitarian, part of a larger set.

So Dazai can’t explain why he’s frozen in place, rooted to the floor by some welling emotion he can’t quite pinpoint.

(Alternatively: local brilliant strategist has a slight meltdown over small uncontrollable part of everyday life)

by @sensitiveheartless!! a wonderful artist and author - definitely recommend reading other fics of theirs. this one hurt me but it was so good - they also made a comic/drawing for this!!

Interest Check by featherx (12k) - teen

“I read your work in the school paper!”

“O-Oh?” Poe fixes his posture a little, and resists the urge to straighten his ribbon. He knew he should’ve tied it a little tighter than he usually does this morning. “Er… W-What did you think?” If there’s anything he takes pride in, it’s his writing; most people are turned off easily by the horror themes he likes to use so much, but on the occasion someone does appreciate them, it gives him a feeling not unlike butterflies in his stomach. If Ranpo, of all people, is the latter…

“I figured out who the murderer was in two paragraphs,” Ranpo says, holding up two fingers, like he really needs to drive the nail in deeper.

—Or, Poe writes a whole musical in an effort to impress Ranpo.

this one i recently read and fell in love with it was so adorable!!! they're both ridiculous and i love them for it <333

life's like an hourglass, glued to the table by ephemerality (2k) - teen

Outside, there are sirens.

"I called the police," the helpful cashier announces from the storage room.

very hilarious - imagining what is going on in this fic may or may not make you wheeze - it definitely made me wheeze

playing the hero by FallenNiji (118k) - teen

“How’s U.A.? Does it live up to the general public’s expectations?” Ranpo, walking with his hands crossed behind his head, wondered.

“I literally witnessed an attempted murder, discrimination, bullying and experienced a Villain attack in the first month here, Ranpo-senpai,” Kyouka deadpanned.

“Is that a yes?”

(or: izumi kyouka, reformed assassin turned detective, infiltrates u.a. and more or less willingly surrounds herself with well-known pro-heroes and other such law-abiding citizens. what could possibly go wrong?)

i will admit that i can't remember much about this fic apart from i love the character interactions as well as the characterisations and i'm always looking forward to reading the new chapter - i've also posted a lot of screenshots from this fic if yall want like a taste or something

I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio by ElectricSplatter (256k) - mature

“Four months from now will be the seven year anniversary of when you and Osamu Dazai released your hugely successful first and only album Double Black and its diamond single Corruption. After performing with Dazai earlier this year, are you planning anything special to celebrate?”

“Corruption is insanely overrated, and I would prefer to never hear Dazai’s voice for the rest of my fucking life.”

i don't think i can bring myself to go through the pain this fic put me in again but it's really really popular for a very good reason - you definitely have to read it at least once

O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! by aptlydapper (20k) - teen

Apparently, Chuuya has a signature(s).

Apparently, removing that signature(s) renders Chuuya basically unrecognizable.

Apparently, this works on everyone.

Chuuya would have liked to know this before getting accidentally recruited.

this one is WONDERFUL - i love the story in general it's such a cool concept and it's such a cool ada chuuya au - please read it at least once

love at first sight: coffee shop edition by setosdarkness (2k) - teen

Dazai and Chuuya get stuck in the rain, and end up sharing the only available table at a busy coffee shop.

[or, plot twists in my meet-cute coffee shop AU? it’s more likely than you think]

literally anything by setosdarkness is good - they're a complete icon - one of the backbones of the bsd fandom. i won't spoil it but it was very good - also recommend all 951 (!!!!!) fics of theirs

S(he) Came In Through the Bathroom Window by PocketsizedDinosaur (2k) - teen

Atsushi deals with Akutagawa's unusual (and inconvenient) habit of not using the door.

i don't really remember what happens in this fic but i remember loving it very much and that it also hurt me very much - double hit but perfect

360 degrees by setosdarkness (11k) - teen

Chuuya gets cursed by an Ability that forces him to eternally live out his biggest regret. Unlike the other victims who end up killing themselves or hurting others, Chuuya goes into a coma.

For his biggest regret is—

[groundhog day AU with a twist, where Chuuya relives the day Dazai leaves the Port Mafia over and over and over and over—]

OH MY GOD I LOVED THIS SO SO MUCH I READ IT LIKE A YEAR AGO BUT IT WAS SO GOOD

The Next Day by psychodaog (10k) - general

Atsushi wakes up in filthy rags and dried blood. He remembers the cage so vividly and it feels real.

It looks like the place he used to call "home".

(Atsushi travels back in time AU)

a WONDERFUL atsushi travels back in time au - i need to read more of these!! if anyone has some recs please send them in!!!

Striped by AliceinHyruleBastion (8k) - teen

Atsushi found his soulmate. No big deal. Until he comes into work one day with soulmarks on his face and the office demands an explanation.

SSKK soulmate AU shenanigans with a dash of battle, sass, and angst on the side!

sskk soulmate au!! so so wonderful - i also loved part 2

pull the trigger tighter and watch our distances explode by niwakaame (oolongteas) (8k) - teen

The world looks like a big spider's web, colorful, and bright and full of light.

In which Nakajima Atsushi sees the strings of fate, and beyond that.

i forgot to bookmark this and looked for it for AGES it was absolutely amazing i loved it

You're All I ever Wanted by iheartryuu (2k) - teen

“Chuuya,” Dazai mumbles, nudging the side of his face into his partner's neck. The redhead doesn’t move, doesn’t talk. He doesn’t make a single sound. He just needs this moment to last. He doesn’t want to face what will happen when he lets go and is forced to look into Dazai’s face.

“Chuuya.” Dazai speaks with a gentle voice. “Break my chains.” Chuuya shakes his head. He rests his forehead against Dazai’s shoulder. The brunette sighs, taking a gulp. His next words almost come out as a desperate whisper. “Break my chains so I can hug you back.”

Chuuya feels his throat tighten. He didn’t expect his partner to say that. So he shakes his head once again. His voice fans against Daza’s ear, sounding smooth. “If I let you hug me back, I don’t think I’d ever be able to let go.”

— aka, what should've happened when they met again for the first time in four years.

i think this nearly made me cry - or actually did - it was so so good

The Weretiger's New Houseguest by xxSoliusxx (31k) - teen

After a misunderstanding and surveillance tape proof, Akutagawa is faced with the daunting threat of the Port Mafia. He finds himself wounded in the pouring rain, standing on Atsushi's doorstep.

i only remember some parts of this very clearly but i remember it was all wonderful!!!

Dazai Undercover by Bibliophile109 (6k) - teen

“I thought the new employee was recommended by the Special Abilities Department,” Kunikida says weakly.

The man waves his hand carelessly. “Yes, yes, Father knows someone there, it’s all very convenient. Say, would you happen to know when the lunch break is?”

-

Dazai puts a bit more effort into hiding his Mafia background from the ADA, and ends up pretending to be a spoiled rich kid.

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS - I JUST REALISED I FORGOT TO SUBSCRIBE AND IT HAS NEW CHAPTERS IM GONNA READ IT THE SECOND I FINISH THIS LIST

to build a home by lonelydoctors (5k) - general

”You have got to stop looking so shocked every time I visit, Poe-kun,” Ranpo says with a grin.

“N–no, but…I thought–I guess I just–“ Poe takes a deep breath and starts again, “I thought the Agency is supposed to be on a work trip in Shinagawa today. How did you even get here by yourself?”

Ranpo straightens his posture and shrugs casually, “Why, I took the train of course, Poe-kun.”

“You what?”

this one was SO adorable - according to my bookmarks i wrote "my GOD they own MY ENTIRE HEART"

This Color Ain't It by justcallmedude (108k) - not rated

“President, I understand Tanizaki, but Kenji?” Kunikida looked about ready to snap his pen in half as he, along with most of the people in the room, stared at their head. “Kenji’s methods are anything but ideal for an undercover mission! Please reconsider!”

“It is true that Kenji’s way of handling cases is unusual,” Fukuzawa agreed. “However, it is because of his ability to talk to people that I feel comfortable assigning him as our undercover agent with Tanizaki.”

- - -

Kenji Miyazawa is the ADA's naive detective given his possibly most difficult task to date: infiltrate UA and find the student spy before the heroes become aware that there is a traitor amongst them.

earlier in this post i included a kyouka goes to ua au, this one's a kenji goes to ua au and i loved them both very much!! i love kenji's characterisation in this it's so cool

Kiss My Wounds by bloodyinspiring (62k) - teen

The mafioso inhaled deeply, chewing the inside of his lip as he formulated his thoughts together before speaking, and looked the detective in the eyes. Gin told him to go for it, and when push comes to shove, bribe the guy. But money might not fix this if he mortified himself for eternity to come when he uttered the words...

“Marry me.” ~

A lot can happen within the three months of summer... Some people get the dream job they wanted, some graduate from school, and maybe others take on a new hobby with all the excess downtime they received (or thrown in jail like Dazai).

In Atsushi's case, he didn't expect to be proposed into a fake marriage with the one and only: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

(Occasionally on hiatus due to university but ongoing!)

THIS WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY BUT IT'S DEFINITELY ONE OF MY FAVOURITES

pull out your pen and write down your memory by Seito (75k) - teen

Instantly three things occurred to Shirusu.

First, fuck, this was the world of Bungou Stray Dogs. Second, given the appearance of Dazai Osamu standing in front of her, she had landed some time relatively close to the Dark Era. And third, these words slipped out before she could stop them.

“You’re asking me out on a date?! But you don’t even like women?!” Shirusu blurted out.

And Dazai blinked back at her in surprise.

Ah fuck.

im a sucker for isekai sometimes and this is one of my favourite ones

ataraxis by lurochu (46k) - teen

For the first time in his life, Chuuya wished Dazai was there. With one touch, he could quiet Arahabaki and give Chuuya peace of mind, peace of mind that Chuuya desperately craved. But that bastard never was there when he needed him anyways.

Chuuya's slowly killing himself and Dazai's half to blame. (discontinued)

as you can see in the summary this one's unfortunately discontinued but i remember reading and loving this so much

All hail our lord and savior Chuuya Nakahara by BlowingYourMind

a series with just a lot of chuuya fics and they're all wonderful! my personal favourites are Let me help you - His dark eyes got a little lighter - Baby Executive - The worth of a subordinate in Chuuya Nakahara's eyes - Yokohama public High School- almost as crazy as their pep rallies - Learning experiences - Chuuya Nakahara's issue with Black Coffee - "You stole my wisdom?!", and Don't break the honeycomb. although these are just the ones that i've read recently or remember really well!! i think all of the fics in this series are worth reading

[bidoofenergy]

This is me humbly requesting some Jimmy and Joel/Grian interactions from your dance floor au🙏

Additionally I would kill for a d&d au that genuinely sounds so fun as someone who played dnd years ago (unf the group was not fun to play with, I feel bad for our dm)

hungry busy people

also on AO3 sequel to let's ditch the dance floor (4048 words)

“Friday night,” Joel sarcastically cheers, under his breath. “Living the dream," Jimmy refuses to pay attention to him. He’s got his planner, his Google Calendar, and all his course websites open in front of him, but he still feels like he’s forgetting something. He goes down this weekend's to do list for the third time, comparing it to upcoming deadlines.

“Class signup starts next week right?” he asks, whipping up to look at Joel, across the table. Joel pauses his lamenting on missing on date night with Lizzie.

“Registration isn’t for another two weeks.” Joel says slowly. Jimmy flips to two weeks out and, sure enough, there it is on Thursday in capital letters: “CLASS SIGNUP 8 AM!!” Jimmy groans.

“Are you forgetting something?” Joel asks, barely hiding his amusement.

“Tell me you know what I’m forgetting.” Jimmy leans over his open notebooks and half the table to beg properly.

Joel leans away from Jimmy’s hands and smirks. “How should I know what you’ve forgotten?” He reaches for his phone as he speaks and starts typing without breaking eye contact.

“If you’re texting Grian to make fun of me—” Jimmy starts, in his best attempt at threatening. It isn’t very good, given how Joel’s smirk just grows.

“Do your homework Jim.” Joel pats the top of his hand. “It’ll come to you; probably when you least expect it.” Joel sounds too happy about this for Jimmy’s taste. He sighs and sits back. Joel has decided to be unhelpful and there’s no changing his mind. Jimmy hates him a little.

“I hate you a lot.” He tells Joel. Joel is not bothered by this.

Truthfully, Jimmy can only hate Joel a little today. Joel agreed to go to the vet school library with him on a Friday night, even though it’s a good 15 minute bus ride from their dorm, because Jimmy focuses better here than at the library on main campus. Jimmy needs to be at the library on a Friday night because, at some point this semester, his workload went from substantial to overwhelming. And on top of that, there’s… something else. Something is happening this weekend and that means Jimmy has to get as much work done today as possible.

To start: this godforsaken discussion post that’s due at midnight. He switches windows back to the week’s reading and continues skimming it, hoping for something to jump out at him. He just needs to find something vaguely interesting to write 150 words about and then he can tell two random classmates they “brought up some very intriguing points, I hadn't considered that” and be done with the class—at least until next Friday’s discussion post.

It’s on his fourth reread of the same sentence (so much for skimming) that Jimmy feels a presence behind him. He freezes and considers. Joel is still in front of him, intently focused on his laptop screen. There’s only one other person Jimmy knows who would stand behind him and silently wait like this, but he’s an hour drive—this is the thing Jimmy forgot!

Jimmy whirls around, his suspicions immediately confirmed when he nearly smacks Grian in the stomach in his excitement. “Grian!” he exclaims and immediately winces at his volume.

“Hey Tim,” Grian grins. “Took you long enough to notice.” He ruffles Jimmy’s hair before sitting down.

“He’s been here for seven minutes.” Joel says as he reaches across the table to bump fists in greeting. “I timed it.”

“You’re getting sloppy Tim.” Grian shakes his head.

“Shut up.” Jimmy whines. “Where’s your stuff man?” He cannot believe he forgot Grian was staying the weekend; it’s not like their plans were what got him through the last few weeks.

“In my car, which is by your dorm, because that’s where you told me you’d be.” Grian pokes Jimmy in the chest. “Joel had to coach me through your bus system by text!”

Joel smirks at Grian’s annoyance. “Sorry, not all of us have the cutting-edge infrastructure of HCU.”

“A functional, easy-to-understand bus system is not cutting-edge—”Grian starts, voice rising, before Joel and Jimmy shush him.

“Yes, yes, HCU rules, ESU drools.” Joel says mockingly, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t give us Scar’s public transportation rant, I have homework I need to finish.” Jimmy pleads. Grian splutters like he can’t decide what to be offended by first.

“It’s not a rant—It’s not Scar’s—” he squawks. Jimmy and Joel glance at each other and laugh.

“Hush, both of you,” Grian folds his arms. “You’re doing homework? I drove all the way here, rode your horrible bus, to watch you do homework?”

Jimmy can't help but laugh. He’s missed Grian so much.

“Don’t laugh!” Grian exclaims and Joel shushes him again, still laughing as he does.

“The grind doesn’t stop.” Jimmy shrugs. “Gotta finish this today so I’m free tomorrow.” At the mention of tomorrow, Grian brightens.

“Yes! I’m looking forward to your gym.” he enthuses and Joel groans. “You guys actually have more climbing space than HCU does.” Grian continues and Joel groans louder.

“You’re obsessed.” Joel complains.

“Alright, Mr. Thought of Baby Names Three Months in.” Grian scoffs.

“I did not—not three months—” Joel fumbles to defend himself, flushing. “I would never—I was totally cool and normal about Lizzie.” His flush deepens at the mention of his girlfriend, which doesn’t really help his case.

“So, we’re just lying now?” Jimmy asks Grian in a stage whisper and they grin at each other.

“Shut up,” Joel groans, head in his hands. “Do your homework Tim.”

Jimmy frowns, but before he can say anything, Grian pokes his arm. “Yeah Timmy,” he says teasingly, switching sides easily. “Finish your homework so we can get out of here.”

“Boo,” Jimmy mumbles and he and Joel start working again.

Grian leaves them alone for about ten minutes, entertaining himself with his phone, before getting bored and scooting his chair closer to Jimmy. He rests his chin on Jimmy’s shoulder and starts reading along. Jimmy, used to this, lets his shoulder drop a little so Grian is more comfortable.

“Jim,” Grian says after a moment.

“Hmm?”

“If you don’t pick a random quote and start writing—” Grian starts and Jimmy just laughs. Joel looks up at the two of them, an eyebrow raised. “He’s overthinking this.” Grian huffs, sounding personally offended.

“I’d never accuse Jimmy of thinking too much.” Joel smirks.

“Hey!” Jimmy exclaims. “I wasn’t sure where to start and—” Grian cuts him off.

“That doesn’t sound like ‘Thank you for the advice, Grian, I’ll get right to it!’”

Jimmy rolls his eyes. “Thank you for the advice, Grian, I’ll get right to it.” he parrots. Grian pats him on the head and sits back, looking smug.

The worst part is: Grian is right. Jimmy finds the sentence he had to read four times and starts writing, “A quote that I found particularly interesting…”

Grian watches him type for a few minutes before getting bored again and rolling over to watch Joel. “That doesn’t look like homework.” He remarks dryly. Jimmy looks up to see the familiar expression of Joel caught texting Lizzie something gross and cheesy and quickly looks back to his own laptop screen, happy to let Grian take care of that.

- - -

They’re at the library for a few more hours, until it’s almost 12:30. Jimmy finished his discussion post and the two replies and starts on his math homework (Grian immediately teases him for “taking a finance class, that’s not even real math!”). Joel, eventually, probably because she fell asleep, stops texting Lizzie and starts reading. It’s a lot of highlighting, mumbling to himself, and looking like the book in front of him insulted his mother. Grian steals Jimmy’s phone, gets the passcode right on the first try because Jimmy hasn’t bothered to change it since Grian first learned it in high school, and starts playing Angry Birds. Jimmy doesn’t even remember having Angry Birds on his phone.

Eventually, Jimmy’s mind feels like a thick soup and Grian has given up on Angry Birds in favor of spinning his chair worryingly fast. Joel, seeing the state of the two of them, snaps his book closed and says, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Finally!” Grian exclaims, jumping up to his feet. He sways and stumbles and Jimmy laughs as he packs up his stuff.

Grian is buzzing with energy as they leave the library and head to the bus stop. The night air is warm and heavy with humidity. The sidewalk is lit a hazy orange-yellow from the streetlights. There’s no one else at the bus stop. Jimmy stands by the sign and bounces on his toes. Grian squints at the bus stop bench, like he's grading it. For a moment, it’s quiet—only the sounds of distant traffic and bugs.

“I’m hungry.” Joel announces to the night air, startling Jimmy a little.

“Nothing’s open right now.” Jimmy frowns.

“Do you not have food in your room?” Grian asks. Neither Jimmy nor Joel dignify his question with a response.

“There’s gotta be something open.” Joel pulls out his phone and opens his map app, pinching and panning and zooming in on nearby streets. Both Jimmy and Grian crowd around, bumping their heads together.

“I really cannot believe ESU doesn’t have stuff nearby open past midnight.” Grian mumbles. Jimmy can’t believe HCU would.

“There’s a Waffle House not far from our dorm, which is good because this is the last bus.” Joel announces, zooming in on the Waffle House in question. He looks a little too excited about this. Jimmy glances at Grian, who looks more caught up on the idea that the buses are stopping now.

“I could eat,” Jimmy offers and, just like that, their plans have been made.

“Waffle House!” Joel cheers and switches over to stare at the bus tracker app.

- - -

The Waffle House isn’t very busy, unsurprising for it being nearly 1 am, only another group of five college students crammed in a booth and only two people working. The blond, middle-aged cook yells at them to “sit wherever!” when they enter and Grian picks a booth for them. Joel slides in next to Grian and drops his backpack on the opposite bench right as Jimmy’s about to sit. Jimmy rolls his eyes, pushes the bag further in, and accidentally kicks Joel as he’s getting settled. Joel, of course, immediately kicks him back, and things devolve from there.

“Boys!” Grian admonishes as the waiter comes up to the table, menus in hand. “Can’t take them anywhere.” he jokes, like he didn’t just kick Jimmy in the shins. The waiter, a tall, lanky guy about their age with a yellow sweater on underneath his Waffle House shirt, looks unimpressed and drops the menus on the table. Joel, noticing the waiter, straightens up.

The waiter says, “Yell for me when you're ready.” and leaves.

“Christ that dude is tall.” Joel remarks as soon as he’s gone.

“You’re just short.” Grian rolls his eyes and pulls the menu Jimmy was reaching for towards himself.

“Taller than you!” Joel says indignantly.

“Don't start,” Jimmy begs, head in his hands. Joel takes this as an opportunity to the remaining menu. Jimmy doesn’t react. They all know what they want anyway.

He twists around to wave the server over. He’s talking to the cook, who looks a little more stressed than Jimmy would like the person making his food to look, especially if they work at Waffle House. When the tall man notices, he pushes off the counter and heds over.

“What can I get you guys?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets. Jimmy catches his nametag: Wilbur.

“Double hashbrown, scattered and covered please.” Jimmy says, ignoring Grain’s responding gag. The server nods and turns to Joel, who’s puffing out his chest. Jimmy has to stare really hard at poor Wilbur’s beanie (red, a little dirty, definitely not in-uniform) to avoid Grian’s eye.

“All star breakfast, with bacon.” Joel replies and at least he’s not dropping his voice like he used to do in front of Lizzie all the time.

“Double waffles,” Grian says. “And we’ll all have orange juice.” Jimmy hates orange juice.

“It’s gonna be a while on those waffles.” Wilbur informs them. “We’ve only got one iron working at the moment and they”—he gestures behind him lazily to the other table— “all ordered waffles. That explains the cook’s expression. All three of them wince sympathetically.

“That’s fine.” Grian reassures him. Wilbur nods and leaves before Jimmy can remember he doesn’t like orange juice.

- - -

Their food comes fairly quickly, except for Grian and Joel’s waffles of course. “Yeah it’s gonna be about an hour.” the server tells them, faintly apologetic.

“Holy moly,” Jimmy breathes and Joel and Grian grimace in unison.

“We’ll wait,” Grian tells him.

“Waffle House welcomes you 24 hours a day.” Wilbur replies flatly before leaving, clearly quoting something from his training. Joel snorts into his food.

Jimmy slides his orange juice across the table to Grian. “Timmy, you've got to get your Vitamin C.” Grian says, taking a massive gulp of Jimmy’s orange juice. “What if you get scurvy or something?”

“I’m not getting scurvy.” Jimmy says and starts eating.

“You’re eating potatoes and cheese; that’s not exactly a balanced diet.”

“He does have a point.” Joel agrees, mouth full.

“You’re not any better!” Jimmy doesn’t exactly yell, and Joel and Grian both shush him.

- - -

Thirty minutes later, hashbrowns long gone, Jimmy has his head on the table, pillowed under his arms, half-asleep. Grian and Joel have been talking about this ghost-hunting video game for at least twenty minutes. While Jimmy plays it all the time with them, he barely knows the rules, nevermind the intricate strategies they’re discussing. Instead he lets their voices wash over him and, between them and the rain. He’s almost—

Jimmy sits bolt upright and blurts, “It’s raining?”

Grian and Joel pause to exaggeratedly glance between him, the window, and each other.

“Indeed it is, Timmy,” Grian claps mockingly. “Well done.” Jimmy groans.

“No, walking back is gonna be a pain.”

“Neither of you have an umbrella?” Grian asks, somehow surprised.

“I’m sure it’ll clear up soon.” Joel tells Jimmy. They both leave Grian's question unanswered.

- - -

Twenty minutes later, the rain hasn’t cleared up and, in fact, has gotten much worse. The water’s coming down in sheets angled by the wind. Jimmy was woken up by a loud crack of thunder and nearly jumped out of his seat, much to Joel and Grian’s amusement.

A little while later, Wilbur comes by with their waffles. “Sorry for the wait,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. “I’ll bring your bill in a moment, you guys paying separately or together?”

“Seperate,” Jimmy mumbles distractedly staring out the window at the storm. He can’t even see the streetlight by the bus stop.

The server pauses and adds, a little more sincerely this time, “You really are welcome to stay as long as you gotta.”

“Thanks,” Joel grins around a mouthful of waffle.

“Gross,” Grian groans around his own mouthful of waffle. Wilbur leaves, somehow looking both disgusted and disinterested.

Jimmy’s startled out of his storm-induced daze when every phone in the building goes off in quick succession. He scrambles to silence his, not even reading the warning displayed on the screen.

“Flood warning,” Joel reads. “No shit.” Flooding does indeed seem like a given as water streams down the sidewalk and starts to puddle over the one visible storm drain.

Jimmy drums his fingers on the table. His backpack is water resistant, but that doesnt mean much in a storm like this. None of them even have an umbrella or even jackets; it had been so warm that evening.

“I think we should wait.” He says.

“I’m not getting my laptop wet.” Joel agrees.

“Fine,” Grian sighs. It’s almost 2 am.

- - -

By 2:15, they’ve paid and their dishes sit in a neat stack next to a not insignificant cash tip that the three of them pooled together.

“For you and the poor man with only one waffle iron.” Grian tells Wilbur when he comes to collect their plates and raises an eyebrow at the bills. He actually laughs as he tucks it apron pocket.

When he leaves their table, they hear him yell, “Hey old man, tip for you!” and fall over each other trying not to laugh too loudly.

- - -

By 2:30, the rain has slowed enough that Jimmy can actually see through it. A couple, two college-aged women, had emerged suddenly into the yellow-white light of the Waffle House sign. Now, they stand by the counter, dripping.

“You can, like, walk but it sucked.” Jimmy hears one of them tell the cook, a little too casually for someone who was just out in the middle of a flood warning. The other apologizes profusely to Wilbur who’s brought over a mop.

Grian’s entertaining himself on Jimmy’s phone, so Jimmy looks over to Joel, who said he restarted his reading but is actually on his phone. Joel, as if sensing Jimmy’s gaze, looks up. “I don't wanna be stuck here all night with no sleep—we’re supposed to meet Lizzie for breakfast before work” he says a little sadly. Grian looks up from Angry Birds to glance between them.

Jimmy weighs his options. On the one hand, his laptop is out of warranty and he can’t afford to get it or his notes wet. On the other hand, Lizzie’s busy all weekend and the only chance she has to see Grian is at some cafe 20 minutes away tomorrow morning. At 8 am.

“It’s still pouring.” Grian complains. “Give it a bit.” They give it a bit.

- - -

By 2:45, the rain has barely slowed while Jimmy definitely has. He and Grian started stacking creamer pods and every so often Jimmy knocks them over and just stares, blinking, while Grian cackles.

He sets down the creamer he was about to stack and whines, “We can’t stay here any longer.”

Joel snaps his book closed and jumps up. “Right, let’s get going then so we can sleep and then wake up on time because I refuse to be late to meeting Lizzie.” He leans across the table, reaching for his bag, as he says this.

“Wait, wait, hang on a minute,” Grian says, still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “Can we be smart about this please?”

Joel, practically laying on the table to reach his bag tucked against the window with one hand while balancing off Jimmy’s shoulder with the other, says, “I’m always smart.”

“Uh-huh,” Grian says, unconvinced, and slides out past Joel's legs to talk to the cook, who’s leaning against the counter looking half-asleep. Jimmy manages to escape from Joel to stand and laughs as Joel flounders, trying not to fall off the table.

Joel’s upright by the time Grian returns with a small trashbag. Jimmy squints at the trashbag, trying to understand. “Wha’s that for?” he asks after Grian fails to explain, clearly more amused by Jimmy’s sleepy confusion.

“Well if you put something in here, you can keep it dry.” Grian starts, condescending. Jimmy blinks, still catching up. “Gosh, Tim, you really need to sleep.” Grian laughs, breaking character. “Put your laptops in here and then in Tim’s bag.” He instructs Joel. Jimmy just moves away and lets Joel handle things, swaying where he stands.

“Jesus Tim, you big baby,” Grian complains, propping him up a little with his shoulder.

Joel straightens up from where he was rearranging their stuff and hands Jimmy his bag. “Let’s get this show on the road!” He says, clapping his hands together once they’re free.

“Thank you, have a good night!” Grian calls to the Waffle House employees as he none-too-gently herds Jimmy out the door.

“Stay dry!” Wilbur calls after them from where he’s leaned next to the grill, blowing vape smoke up the exhaust.

“Complete dumbasses,” Jimmy hears the cook laugh as the door closes behind them.

He’s immediately soaked, barely three steps out the door and much more awake. The wind has died down considerably, which Jimmy is grateful for. “Lucky it’s not as windy,” he remarks, though he’s practically yelling to be heard over the rainfall and water rushing down the street gutters.

“Lucky?” Joel repeats, indignant.

“Oh yeah, let’s talk about how lucky this weather is!” Grian yells. He’s leading them across the parking lot like he knows where he’s going. Water sluices across their shoes as they push uphill, flooding Jimmy’s sneakers.

“It absolutely could be worse!” Jimmy argues. As if on cue: a distant rumble of thunder.

“Shut it.” Joel says, pointing at Jimmy threateningly. “If we get struck by lighting and miss breakfast, Lizzie’ll kill me.” This is, of course, not the threat he wants it to be and Grian and Jimmy fall over each other with laughter. When they finally straighten up, Joel is ahead of them and they rush—Jimmy slipping and nearly falling—to catch up.

“Do you guys remember that episode of Mythbusters?” Jimmy asks, once he’s caught his footing—and his breath—a bit.

“Which episode?” Joel asks, not kindly. “They made a lot.”

“About running versus walking in the rain?” Grian asks.

“Yeah!” Jimmy exclaims. “You remember the conclusion? I don’t.”

“No,” Grian admits and Joel groans.

“Why’d you bring it up if you don't remember the conclusion?” he asks the sky, throwing his head back.

“I thought Grian might!” Jimmy protests but he’s drowned out by Joel making choking noises. They all stop immediately.

“I just swallowed so much rainwater.” Joel croaks, looking a little red but fine, and Jimmy has to laugh.

“Why would you look up when it’s raining?” Grian admonishes, but he’s rubbing the part of Joel’s back that isn’t covered by his bag.

“I wasn’t thinking.” Joel straightens up and Jimmy doubles over, laughing harder. “C’mon let’s keep moving.” He tugs Jimmy’s arm.

“He’s delirious.” Grian says, pushing Jimmy from behind.

Together, they push-pull Jimmy to the intersection before the campus entrance and, with barely a glance, decide to cross without waiting for the crosswalk light. There’s no traffic anyway and, unsurprisingly, no one else out as they make their way to Jimmy and Joel’s dorm.

They make one last turn and, as if on cue, the rain slows to a steady drizzle. Jimmy, too tired to be mad, tilts his head back to feel the rain across his face.

“This is fucking bullshit.” Joel gripes.

“You’re the one who wanted to leave right then.” Grian points out, his own tiredness removing the usual sharpness of his teasing edge.

“Oh I’m Grian and I can perfectly predict the weather.” Joel says mockingly, never too tired to be insulted.

Grian, of course, has to respond. “Oh, I’m Joel and I’m so worried my girlfriend’s gonna be mad at me I make my friends walk half a mile in the middle of a flood warning.”

Before Joel can reply, Jimmy steps between them and slings an arm over each of their shoulders. “I’m glad you’re here this weekend.” He says. He’s sleepy and a little too earnest and probably putting a little too much weight on his friends but he’s ridiculously happy to have his two best friends with him.

“Gross Tim,” Grian and Joel complain in unison, but neither of them move away.

By the time they’re squelching up the stairs and entering the dorm the rain has stopped completely. Joel and Jimmy’s room is illuminated by moonlight streaming in through the permanently broken blinds. Joel immediately starts spreading his notes out on the air conditioning unit to dry. Jimmy finds a pair of shorts and a t-shirt (that was probably Grian's to begin with) to give Grian to sleep in. He grabs his towel and slimy shower caddy and heads to the hall’s bathrooms.

When he gets back, there’s wet stuff everywhere and the room is starting to smell like wet dog and sweaty boys and old pennies. Whatever, that’s a problem for Monday Jimmy.

Jimmy pulls on the shorts and t-shirt he uses as pajamas and clambers onto his slightly too-tall bed. Grian’s already made himself comfortable and he squints, half-asleep, at Jimmy. “That’s my t-shirt,” he grumbles.

“Shush,” Jimmy replies, nudging Grian to the side so he can fully fit on his own bed. Grian, begrudgingly, accommodates him. Jimmy falls asleep tucked against Grian’s familiar frame, tired and happy and finally dry.

[deepbutdazzlingdarkness]

I think @kennyomegasweave tagged me in this OTP meme like...months ago? And I just found it half-finished in my drafts and decided to actually get it done.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore? 20s, not my teens, but I used to be utterly obsessed with Jack/Kent from Check Please and now, IDEK what happened. I still love them, but I have old fic I saved and never read and can't bring myself to care anymore. IDK it makes me sad.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? Hmm probably Betsy/Joe from the Betsy Tacy series or Anne/Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables? My first ships when I actually got into fandom were Sawyer/Kate and Sara/Grissom from CSI.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple? Magnus/Alec!!! I never thought I would write fic and then I watched season 1 of Shadowhunters and banged out (lol) 7 fics and almost 30k of porn in less than 2 months in 2016. They all have an insane number of hits (like. the highest has 54,878 hits and the lowest has 15,836 hits.........) and I still get kudos on them almost every day, it's wild.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over? Genuinely no idea, but the first one in my fan art tag is Katniss/Peeta from 2012 <3

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse? My first instinct whenever I see someone talk about something I don't like is to mute/block, so perhaps not actively, but I'm sure I have at some point.

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently? LOL. Yes. I still fucking HATE Jack/Kate from Lost and always will. Also Dan/Blair from Gossip Girl. Lately...I'm such a multi-shipper but I gotta say Kate/Anthony from Bridgerton bc I've genuinely had to restrain myself from bitching about how much I hate them SO many times since s3 came out lol.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? I finished a rewatch of Beyond Evil last night so I've been rereading some of my old bookmarks bc I've read almost everything that's out there 😔. Shout out to the masterpiece simple & clean by whir.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? So many!!! Taemin/Kai is still my #1, but also Juwon/Dongsik from Beyond Evil, PatPran from Bad Buddy (it took me several episodes to actually get into the show but once I did I cried...so much over them and how much they love each other LOL), KunTen from WayV, Louis/Lestat...I feel kinda bad that I don't have a major current f/f OTP but I'm literally checking my kpop tags multiple times a week for rule 63 fic and most of my current WIPs are rule 63 f/f so there's that. (Two KunTen including what hopefully is gonna be a long one, plus a Jigyu I started yesterday for a fest that I'm hoping I'll be able to get done - not because of the length, but because I've never written Seventeen before)

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? So many??? I feel like I have to say Dean/Cas.......Lee/Kara never really got together so them for sure. Sawyer/Kate from Lost even though I 100% choose to believe they got together post-canon pre-flash-sideways. Oh my god I'm looking through my "forever bitter" tag and it's a lot of Cooper/Audrey from Twin Peaks as I expected, but I forgot about Mini/Franky from Skins. and ABSOLUTELY THEM. Everything about series 5 was terrible but that especially.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? IDK I feel like I don't usually change my mind like that. I wouldn't go as far as saying "kind of interesting" but I guess I don't hate Bree/Roger from Outlander AS much on the show as I did in the books lol.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Hmm...Cesare/Lucrezia maybe? If not them almost definitely Norma/Dylan from Bates Motel LOL.

12. What was your favorite crack ship? I was gonna say I couldn't remember any that truly fit this definition, but then I remembered the Kent Parson/Claude Giroux series #dirtbags and that was great. Actually no my real answer is Syd/Richie from The Bear. Now *I* don't think it's a crackship but they have that vibe.

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of? Here's a side by side view of my most bookmarked ships vs the tags I have saved rn on my front page. Unfortunately you can only have 20 but I think it's a pretty good representation. (Other than the ENHA ship, where I legit don't know anything about them or frankly even what they look like, but that tag produces so much incredible unhinged porn that I read canon-blind.)

14. What most of your ships usually have in common? I feel like I have several different ~types, but: friends to lovers, I LOVE bicker-y couples, age gap relationships, especially when one of them is a mentor-ish figure, and power dynamics in general.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship? Nice Guy characters, whether they're a guy or a girl. The OG example is Xander (duh) and Chloe from Smallville but you also see it with characters like Sol on My Stand In...there's def more things I hate but that's one of most major ones for me.

[farfromdaylight]

2023 writing meme

i don't usually do the fic writer meme because i don't usually write a lot of fic other than longfic. but this year was an outlier, so, here we are!

Number of fics written (posted) in 2023: 23. seriously, who am i? plus 3 finished and 2 unfinished, both unposted.

Total word count of posted fic: 57,515

Total word count of unposted fic: 66,701

Total word count overall: 124,216

Worth noting that some of my posted fic this year was written during Nanowrimo last year, so the numbers are a bit skewed.

Fandoms: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake, Final Fantasy XII, Final Fantasy XIV. I did write one FFXIV/Pacific Rim crossover.

all of my fic is on AO3.

Best title: I'm really biased towards heaven can wait (WoL/Exarch), my big bang fic. I also quite like before you're burned, become the sun (Alisaie) but that's just because I've always liked that lyric.

Worst title: to believe in you (i'll try) (Cloud/Tifa). I was going for a theme across all of my Cloti week fics but I don't like that title at all...

Best first line: From before you're burned, become the sun:

The sun never sets, because there is no sun.

Worst first line: From to believe in you (i'll try):

Cloud is so different.

Best last line: From heaven can wait:

"Welcome to the First, Warrior of Darkness," he says, lifting up his brother. "Let's get you inside. We've got a world to save."

Worst last line: From to believe in you (i'll try) (seriously, I am not happy with this fic LOL):

For now, they have a reactor to take down.

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Less than I was supposed to, yet more than I expected. I had various health issues throughout the year that prevented me from writing a lot (have you ever tried to write when you can't sleep more than 3 hours at a time? Yeah) but also I managed to write for two fandom weeks and completed Nanowrimo. So, not bad!

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I didn't think I'd write so many Cloti fics! I've loved the pairing for a long time but I really didn't think I would write so much. Really glad I did though. Also, I had no plans to write the Alisaie or Ashe fics and I'm glad I stretched myself and wrote them.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

heaven can wait, no contest. I still go back and reread it sometimes and just have a blast. It's a story I very much wrote for myself, and I'm really glad it's gotten a good reception.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

By kudos: amber embrace (WoL/G'raha)

By hits: love grows (WoL/G'raha)

By comments and bookmarks: heaven can wait

Deeply funny to me that the NSFW fic is the most popular. The people want what they want.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

If we ignore the fic I posted an hour ago that has literally 1 hit so far: for you, i walk on (Tifa), which I wrote for the second volume of the Tifa zine. But that's only by hits and kudos; it got very lovely comments and I had a great time with the zine.

By comments, I have 5 fics without comments at all. :( One of them has 30 kudos! Please comment on fics, folks.

Story that could have been better?

Not to beat the dead horse, but to believe in you (i'll try). It's meant to be a Remake fic, but I haven't finished replaying Remake and I only half-remember the Cloti scenes. I'm working on replaying it now, so hopefully I can add to it soon.

Sexiest story?

I mean, according to the numbers, it's either amber embrace or love grows. But actually it's one of the fics I didn't post this year. I wrote a 16,000-word fic about my WoL's honeymoon with G'raha. It is very spicy and it will not be seeing the light of day because it belongs to a non-canon AU.

Saddest story?

I don't know that I have a good answer to this one. I mean, heaven can wait is angsty, but that's different.

Most fun?

Most silly is definitely shuffle or boogie (WoL/G'raha), which was just an excuse to write a fic about Triple Triad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

PROBABLY THE WEDDING FIC, LOL. Or the denouement of heaven can wait. Or the holiday fic I just posted.

Most fucked-up story?

I wrote some vanilla-ass fic this year, I ain't got nothing for this.

Hardest story to write?

Honestly, a lot of the Cloti fics were tough. I'm not really rusty on the canon (FFVII lives rent free in my brain) but I hadn't written the characters in a pairing for some years. The Ashe fic was also tough for similar reasons: I've never written FFXII fic before. The Endwalker fic (WIP) has been really hard because it's some tough content and I've been struggling with how much of the canon to cover and how much to make up whole cloth.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

heaven can wait, which I really just had a blast with. This was last year's Nanowrimo, though, so... Maybe the holiday fic? I wrote it in a couple hours last weekend.

Did any stories shift your perception of the characters?

Not really. I don't tend to write fics about characters I don't have a firm grasp of.

Most overdue story?

Beyond the Vault, the eternal albatross around my neck. Also the Endwalker fic, because it's taken me two years to even have a WIP...

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

This year was good at helping me fight off the perfectionist tendency! I posted a lot of the fandom week fics within a week (or shorter) of writing them, and it let me chill out considerably about polish. Sometimes you can just write a fic and you don't have to go over it with a fine-tooth comb, you can just post it.

[radios-universe]

some random questions:

do you have a favourite scent?

do you prefer short ankle socks or crew socks?

what’s the last book you read?

what’s a book you really didn’t like?

do you prefer to sleep with white noise or silence?

do you have a favourite food?

who’s a band/artist you’ve liked for a long time? (you can define “long” however you want)

bonus round:

what’s philosophy school like? like what kinds of classes and assignments do you have and just your general thoughts on it

you are a BLESSING this is so fun!

favourite scent has gotta be either a freshly blown out candle or drying paint. yeah.

short ankle socks all the way!!! idk what it is but if socks are coming any further up my ankle than trainers socks do i am naauuut having it.

last book i read in full was radio silence...!!! while i was annotating it for my friend. currently rereading solitaire though :]

oooo... if i don't like a book, then i will never actually make myself read it, especially because i can have quite a hard time reading in the first place anyway, nevermind if it's something i'm not enjoying. so i don't know, actually. i can't even think of any books i read in school which i didn't like... they weren't THAT bad i suppose..!

definitely sleep in silence. i need complete silence and minimal light. not complete darkness, no, i'm actually scared of the dark. but at least like a lamp in the corner of the room or something. too bright and i can't sleep and too loud and i can't sleep. i actually am really picky about sleeping conditions and find it quite tough to fall asleep in places that aren't my bedroom T-T

my favourite food, at least for now, is definitely pasta. not any specific type or dish... just because it can be used for so many things and has so many different types that i feel like i could eat it everyday and never really complain.

bonus answer: garlic bread (i am a walking asexual stereotype, and proud of it)

well i can take the music artist question and half jokingly answer one direction really... ok they haven't been about for... almost a decade but i was in fact a directioner...!

as for right now, i've been a really big fan of the band lovejoy and have been for a long time, the same way that a lot of their fans have been around for a long time - the lead singer of the band is also a twitch streamer/youtuber...!!

i've been keeping up with his solo music before he formed lovejoy with his bandmates and its been amazing to see how not only the lead singer has grown with his music, but the band overall..!! they're very very cool and i really like their sound. they're awesome in concert too.

blehhh well i do philosophy (and religious studies too, actually! joint degree) at a UK university so.... really um. yeah.

it's not the most riveting experience ever. sure, it's pretty interesting but really you're just sitting watching a lecturer talk in front of a powerpoint a few times a week and then you're made to actually read all the other information by yourself. for way too long.

as someone who (as previously mentioned) sucks at reading for the most part... yeah...!! it's an experience.

it's not like i didn't expect it. the grades are based on a typical UK idea of half being essay and half being an exam, for the most part.

it's definitely an experience...!!! trust me, i am only doing this so that i can teach the subject (RMPS to be specific, meaning 'religious, moral, philosophical studies) at high schools. if i was doing this without a career choice in mind i would be going craaazy

[thebookdragonshoard]

August Reading Recap

I read 8 books this month, here they are in order and with ratings + short thoughts. ✨

No Longer Human - Osamu Dazai

5/5 ⭐️ - A long, beautifully written suicide note and introspection to the human condition. I originally picked this book up because of Bungou Stray Dogs and now I’m so glad I did. This book sucker punched me, stole my glasses, and called me a little bitch. Yozo Oba’s struggles with his own humanity, or his believed lack thereof, rang a little too true in my heart. I loved the cynicism Dazai was able to write with while also keeping this poignant. After researching Dazai’s past a bit after finishing this book. I cried. Will definitely be rereading this book again, it’s one of my all-time favorites.

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

4.5/5⭐️ - This was my first time reading The Hunger Games, despite being 20yo and this book being a staple in the lives of many in my generation. I only wish I read it sooner. Panem being based on the American Government, the muttations at the very end of the games (seriously wtf), Peeta’s leg. My jaw was on the floor.

The Nature of Witches - Rachel Griffin

4/5⭐️ - I read this in one sitting. I was falling into a reading slump and this book dragged me right out of it. I enjoyed how the main character’s personality and outlook would change with each season as her powers shifted. A very good fall read, in my opinion. I also enjoyed how this book was a commentary on climate change and the effect humans are having on the world.

The Setting Sun - Osamu Dazai

5/5⭐️ - Another five star read for the month. courtesy of Osamu Dazai. once again. He is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. The snake analogy in this book. I am STILL thinking about it a week and a half later. I again love the cynical despair Dazai is capable of portraying while also making this a book that can speak to people of multiple backgrounds, regardless of class. age, gender, or even era. It’s a book that had an impact nearly 80 years ago, and it’s a book that still has an impact now.

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

4/5⭐️ - The fig tree analogy kidnapped me, threw me in the trunk of its car, ran over said car with a monster truck, and then tossed the wreckage into the Mariana Trench. Great read that gives insight into the uncertainty of life, especially as a young woman, and the distorted views of the world that can lead to. One girl’s struggle with her place in the world and what she’ll do with her life accompanied by her experience in an asylum and receiving electroshock therapy. However, the ending did leave me a bit unsatisfied with how abrupt and open-ended it was. I have more thoughts on the fig tree analogy posted on my feed, if you’re interested.

Rashomon and Other Stories - Ryunoske Akutagwa

3.5/5⭐️ - Not going to lie. this was a bit of a let down. I’m not usually a short stories kind of girl, but I picked this up because of Bungou Stray Dogs. For the most part, this collection of short stories didn’t have much that stood out to me, but the stories inside are still enjoyable. I found them enjoyable, relatively easy-to-digest short stories and while I admittedly didn’t understand the underlying concept for some of them, I enjoyed them nonetheless. I particularly liked In A Grove and The Martyr (poor Lorenzo.)

Good Girl, Bad Blood - Holly Jackson

3.5/5⭐️ - If you’ve seen my previous posts, it should come as no shocker that I’m not a huge fan of this series. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it’s bad! I found it to be an enjoyable read, but I only really started getting into when the plot twist rolled around in the last 50 pages or so. I think all the hype for this series, and this book, gave me such high expectations that the reality didn’t quite compare. However, I did read the American version. We love Stanley Forbes though and that was certainly a tear-jerker.

Seraphina - Rachel Hartman

5/5⭐️ -Once again, another five star read! I love dragons, hence the blog name. And this book was such a unique take on dragons in fantasy that I found it quite refreshing! This book quickly sucked me in and had me falling for the characters in less than 400 pages. Court politics, forbidden love, music, and draconian governments. Plus, a look into the complexities, intricacies, and maladies of emotions. And just how human are they?

✨bonus review✨

I couldn’t finish this post without also including a review for the sequel to Seraphina, which I started the first day of September and finished tonight.

Shadow Scale - Rachel Hartman

5/5⭐️ - Are we surprised by this rating? Well, we shouldn’t be. Once again: dragon lover. With the sequel go Seraphina, we get to dive further into the world of draconian politics and explore the world this wonderful duology is set in. Another thing this book does well is the representation and diversity amongst the characters. SPOILER: There’s even a dash of polyamory sprinkled in with the main character, and as a fellow polyam, this made my heart SOAR. This duology has thoroughly enamoured me and I will never regret spending the $4 at the thrift store to purchase them both. By far my favorite thrifted books to date.

[atticoratticus]

Hello it's been a while, time for a rant about Tokyo Revengers because I binged the entire thing in the span of like 2 days a couple weeks ago and I'm literally obsessed (slight manga spoilers below)

So after I got caught up to jjk I just decided to pick up TR for the sake of reading something. I tried the anime a bit before that because a lot of my online friends loved it, but the anime just didn't do it for me. I especially wasn't fond of Takemichi because of how much secondhand embarrassment I got from him.

For me the manga was so much easier to work through, even though in the first half there were still a lot of moments where I was bordering on throwing my phone across the room (not an issue with the story itself, just me being dramatic).

I feel like for me personally TR was a relatively slow starting series in the sense that it took a while to fully hook me on the story, which was kinda frustrating at times. The writing is kinda inconsistent at times and a lot of the plot points get sort of jumbled, especially towards the end, but in a weird way it works??? Idk man.

It's very much a story where you read for the characters first and plot second (at least in my experience, idk if anyone else feels the same there), which personally is something that works very well with my taste in manga. Some of the characters are pretty flat and only really have one or two defining traits, but all of the major characters are well developed and fleshed out.

I am a raging Mitsuya and Draken simp. I'm not gonna sugar coat it shhfbbdbs

Like I am SO down bad for both of them it's actually insane, they're just... omg. And it's weird because I went into the series fully expecting for Mikey to be my favorite, when after finishing he's not even in my top 5 characters.

Takemichi is a character I'm relatively conflicted on. He has a hell of a lot of development throughout the series which I loved to see, but it always felt like there was something lacking in a way? But then again, that does work pretty well because he's meant to be an underdog character who no one really expects much of at first

I will say that Taiju is hands down my least favorite character. Just for personal reasons I can't bring myself to like him, though I do appreciate how his character wasn't watered down to make it more digestible. Honestly I think part of the reason why I like Mitsuya so much is how he dealt with Taiju during the Christmas battle, I absolutely cried reading that.

SPEAKING OF CRYING. oh my god, I have not cried this much while reading any series in actual YEARS. the ending had me bawling like an absolute baby, it just hit so hard. Even rereading the ending still has the same impact on me, it's actually insane. The rereadability factor is through the roof.

The last 70~ chapters were both extremely necessary and unnecessary at the same time. Going back and getting a happy ending for everyone was such an overwhelming moment for me, but I feel like it definitely could have been cut down a fair amount just to keep things from dragging on. It would have been cool to see an ending that still had some level of loss, because while everyone surviving and being happy was super nice to see, it didnt really fit with the themes of the rest of the series. But hey, we also got to see Mitsuya with long hair so thats why it was so necessary (/hj. Maybe. Idk he's just overwhelmingly attractive to me)

I promise I don't only have criticisms I promise, bear with me-

The twists were genuinely so well done most of the time, like I was clutching my pillow with an iron grip for most of the series. I think the only ones that didn't really land well for me was that Mucho (the 5th division captain) was a traitor, and that's mainly because we never knew who he was prior. It sorta felt like it came out of no where? But then again we got to see way more of Sanzu so it's all good akfjjdjs

Pretty much every character was made well enough where you genuinely cared about what happened to them, and for a good amount of the antagonists you could at least understand why they acted the way the did (even if that takes a fair bit of mental gymnastics, but yk). Whenever a chatacter died, even if they weren't immensely important to the plot, you felt their death in your soul because of how heartwrenching those scenes were as well as how others characters reacted to it. If you say you didn't cry at least once during the series, I simply don't believe you.

I have a lot more thoughts on the series because I barely covered most of it, and the characters too I feel like I can talk a lot more about, but I don't feel like writing a whole other character analysis essay like I did for jjk, so I'll leave it here for now.

Overall the story was a huge surprise for me, because I didn't expect something to immediately rocket to becoming one of my top two series in general. Jjk has better writing in my opinion, but I enjoyed reading TR way more. I already have reread the series once, and I'm on the verge of reading it again for a third time already sjdjfn

I love this series flaws and all, because it doesn't need to be perfectly written to have such a great impact

[midnightliar]

mid-year book freakout 2023

tagged by @violaeade! i definitely have not read ten books this year so i might pull from last year also lol

1. Best book you’ve read so far this year / 2. Best sequel you’ve read so far this year / 9. Book that made you cry

the thousand eyes by ak larkwood!!!!!! obviously i love the unspoked name so so much and i was really excited to get to the sequel. it is such a fun continuation of the story and characters in ways that i never would have expected and it really made me sooo engaged when i was reading it!! i like it when authors take weird chances and do wild dramatic things with their fantasy. it was so fun and intense and satisfying. will def reread at some point

3. New release you haven’t read yet

not that new but i requested care of by ivan coyote at my library and it just finally came in last week! so i am looking forward to that

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

😬 i am really not paying attention like that these days oops

5. Biggest disappointment

this was the end of last year but five moons rising by lise mactague. it was a horny lesbian werewolf book so you'd think i'd be all over that but it just wasn't my style with the like. alpha wolf politics. it wasn't even awful it just wasn't for me. (disclaimer that i did not finish it)

6. Biggest surprise

doubled and redoubled by malcolm jameson! this one is a very very very short short story, and credited with being the first time loop story! it's from 1941 and not very long so i wasn't expecting much, but it was very fun and i enjoyed it as something of a time loop scholar myself

7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

just started tomboy survival guide by ivan coyote!! it has been on my radar for a million years but i am just getting around to it now and i am just two chapters in but already enjoying their prose a lot (also the gender is sooo relatable)

8. Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character

this is new from the last like 24 hours but i just started reading mob psycho 100 and i already love every single character in it so far. i'm only halfway thru volume one but i'm obsessed with tome... nothing better than a weird girl who wants to meet aliens so bad that she's devoted to awakening her latent psychic powers

10. Book that made you happy

again this is very new and i'm still reading it but mob psycho is sooo delightful so far and SO much funnier than i expected. i haven't even really gotten to any plot yet so anything could happen but i'm really loving and enjoying it so far!!!

i neglect this blog so bad idek who my mutuals are anymore so if u see this i'm tagging you :)

[qtsickchiq]

FAVOURITE CRIME

with Rindou Haitani

You swirl the strawberry flavoured lollipop in your mouth as you stares unimpressed on the fight that is happening in front of you. You let out a sigh, getting bored already when suddenly there’s a man coming forward you trying to hit you in the face but another hand quickly come and pulls you aside.

“Y/n, I told you to not come here!” Rindou yells as he kicks the man earlier in the stomach making the man stumbles backward and lands straight on the hard concrete. You froze for a second, heart pounding furiously in your chest. Ran watches you both amusingly.

“Are you okay?” Ran asked, his lips slowly curving up into a smile as he keeps his metal rode back to its place and walks toward both of you.

“Yes, I’m fine. Anyway are you guys done yet? I’m hungry.” You huff your cheeks and lips forming a pout. A scowl appeared on Rindou’s face as he watches you.

“Hey, I said don’t follow us anymore right?”

You scoff, “Yea, yea whatever Rin, I can do whatever I want.”

Ran arched a brown in amusement and let out chuckles as he watches the conversation going on between his brother and you. “Yeah, we’re done over here. What would you like for dinner y/n?” Ran continues as he leads the way to their motorcycles.

Rindou hops on his own bike, “Katsudon!” You cheer out loudly as you also hop on his bike with no hesitation and hugging him from behind tightly making him to turn his head around to face you with a frown on his face.

“Hey, why are you riding with me, go with Ran.”

“No, I like you, I want to be with you always” You giggles only making Rindou rolled his eyes with your playful behaviour. He looked back to the front, hiding the light shade of pink tinted on both his cheeks. A loud laugh erupted from the older Haitani brother before he rode away on his own bike with Rindou following him from behind.

Yes, it’s true. It has been months of you sticking with them since the day they both randomly save you from a creepy man at the train station. From that day onward, the younger brother of the Haitani, has catch your heart making you fall over heels to him. You love spending your time with them even when you know that they are indeed the dangerous pairs that are well known in the Roppongi. As for Rindou, he starts admiring you the moment he laid his eyes on you, you’re really beautiful to him but surely, he would deny his feeling towards you.

Until the day after the Kantou incident which is resulting the Tenjiku’s executives arrestment. You are surprised when you heard about the news. You knew something would happen in that fight but this exceeds your expectations. Nevertheless, you still make time to visit the Haitani brothers at the Juvenile Centre.  

“What have you done?” You asked with a serious tone looking at Rindou.

Rindou has his usual bored expression on his face. “It’s none of your business y/n.”

“I was worried…” You mumbled under your breath, gaze trailing down to the man in front of you.

He gave you a half-hearted glare. “I told you it’s none of your business and you can stop following us already.”

“Are you stupid? I like you. I like you so bad that it’s hurting me for not being able to see you.” You wail as the tears start rolling down your cheeks.

“I don’t see you the same way. Just stop coming here again.”

You huff, “I don’t fucking care, Rindou. I’ll wait for you.” Your teary eyes stare up to him.

“I said stop bothering me again.” He slammed both of his hands on the table making you flinch. He gets up and leaves you alone there.  

And ever since that day, you are not able to see him as he keeps on avoiding you whenever you come to visit him. Instead, you start writing letters by letters to him. Rindou only read those letters and not bothering himself to reply your letters not even once.

It has been four months and you never stop sending him letters updating him on every details of your life, talking about the things you’re planning to do when both of them are finally out.

“Hello there! How are you guys doing? I’m feeling a bit sad today because I miss you so much :(. Anyway, there’s this new bakery near to my house that just open yesterday! They sells your favourite bread there, let’s go there together when you are out okay? P/s: I love you!”

You will write to him frequently. Ran lets out an amused chuckle reading all the letters from you, “She’s a nice girl aight?” Sighing, Rindou runs his fingers through his hair as he ignores his brother.  

Until one day, there is no more letters coming from you. Rindou waited and waited until a month has passed and there is still no letter from you. It’s like you suddenly disappeared. “Maybe she had enough of waiting for your dumb ass” Ran let out his thought to his anxious little brother. A frown appeared on Rindou’s face.

Few weeks before their release day and there’s still no single update from you. Rindou has decided to write you a letter informing you about their release day hoping that you’ll be there to greet them. But sadly, even on the day of their release, you are not there.

He has tried contacting you only to be greeted by your voicemails over and over again. He spammed your number nonstop days by days. He also tried visiting your house and school frequently but he just couldn’t see you anywhere. It’s like you just suddenly disappeared? He still waits for you.  

One day, he received a letter from an unknown address. But, he can recognise you handwriting so he hurriedly open the letter.

“Hi Rindou, I have read your letters. I’m so glad that both of you are finally out now. I wish I can meet you guys, I miss both of you so much especially you.” Rindou can feel the tears in his eyes as he keep on reading the content inside the letter. Damn, he can hear your cheerful voice through your writing. He misses you too, he misses you so bad.

His grips on the letter tighten, “I’m so sorry for not being able to visit you guys anymore. Last two months, I got involved in an accident and I was almost paralyzed as the impact from the accident. It’s making it harder for me to walk. Oh and please don’t worry (even though I know you’re not hehe).I was doing just fine now. See I can write you a letter again even though my handwriting is bad now.” He let out chuckles reading the last sentence. He can imagine the playful smirk on your face writing this.

“I have also decided to not meet you guys anymore considering my current condition. I mean I did bother you guys enough before. Let’s not meet up again yea? I’m very sorry if you think I’m annoying before because I didn’t mean it. And more thing, all the things I did before just so I could call you mine. And the things you did, well I hope I was your favourite crime hehe. Well then goodbye :).”

“P/s: Please don’t look for me anymore.”

Tears running down on his cheeks as he is still holding your letters rereading everything over and over again. What the hell? You decided to cut off everything with him?

Ran walks through the hallway looking for his brother “Hey Rindou, do you see any-” His sentence is being cut off when he looks at his little brother kneeling on the floor crying while reading a random letter. He snatches the letter away from Rindou’s hand and read it.

“Do you want to see her?”

Rindou place his palm on his forehead. “She said to not look for her anymore.”

“I asked you, do you want to see her?”

“Of course I do, fuck I miss her.”

Ran gives his brother a wide smile “Then what are you waiting for? Let’s go.”

You are giggling as you are watching the children in front of you playing with bubbles. You are sitting on a wheelchair looking straight into the beautiful scenery at the park in the hospital you are staying at the moment. You rest your chin in your palm smiling all by yourself. It’s better this way.

“Y/n” You turn your head fast to the voice that you have been missing so much the past months. Your eyes fall to the tall man that is standing behind you with his brother.

“Rindou?” You tried standing from your wheelchair but you can feel both your legs are losing the balance and making you almost bump your head to the ground “EEEP!!” you yelped getting ready to feel the impact as you shut both of your eyes. Instead you feel a hand grabbing your waist gently. You opened your eyes just to face the lazy eyes man. He’s holding you tightly in both of his arms with you sitting in between his legs. You both are staring at each other.

“What the hell are you doing now?”

“Ah Rindou, Ran! What are both of you doing here?” Ran waves his hands to you with a smile on his face before leaving you both alone to give some space.

A scowl appeared on Rindou’s face, “To visit your dumb ass duh”

“But- but I told you to not come looking for me” You mumbled under your breath.

“I can do whatever I want” He replied sarcastically.

You can feel the tears in your eyes “I’m so pitiful now. I don’t want to see you in this shape. I’ll just be a bother to you”

He startled, “Now what the fuck are you saying now? Who said you’re a bother?”

“You did before.”

He slammed his hand on his forehead remembering his word. “I’m sorry. Look, I miss you.”

You glance at him with a surprise look. He leans his forehead to yours. “I won’t let you go again. Don’t you ever dare think of leaving me again.” He smiles as one of his arm trailing down to wrap around your waist to bring you closer to him. The other hand of his is gently brushing your cheek. “I too, want to stay by your sides forever. You’re indeed my favourite crime.”

yours truly @qtsickchiq​