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ellieluvr420 · 9 months ago

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Friends? Never. Pt.1 (Ellie Williams x reader)

SYNOPSIS: You and Ellie had been bitter enemies for years now but before that you were best friends. You had always planned to be roommates one day but when that becomes a reality the situation isn't exactly how you both imagined it.

New fic alert? Can you tell I've got a thing for the enemies to lovers trope? Sorryyyyyy. I have loads of ideas for so many stories but this one made me too excited :D I can’t tell if the writing in this is ass but i’m just setting things up hold out hope for me people…

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Ellie opens the door of her new home only to see you, her least favourite person in Jackson, standing at her door with your suitcase in hand.

"No no no no no no no." You say as you immediately start walking away from her. You keep walking until you see Maria walking towards you.

"Don't even start-" She already knows what you're going to say.

"I am not fucking living with her Maria."

"Didn't I tell you not to start? You're wasting your breath anyway, this is the only way we can accommodate all the new arrivals."

"Why do you hate me?" You groan and she spins you around immediately marching you back to your new home.

"I don't, but you and Ellie are a pain in my ass, maybe make the most of it and try and get along hm?" She keeps you held firmly at the front door as she knocks three times.

"Back for more alrea-" Ellie pauses as she sees Maria standing there with a stern look on her face, she pushes you through the door and smiles.

"Enjoy setting up!" She calls over her shoulder and you're sure you hear her laugh.

"Fuck my life." You push past Ellie, bumping her hard enough that she stumbles slightly. You storm off upstairs to find your room huffing at your new reality.

You're unpacking all your belongings when you notice her standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you just gonna keep staring at me like a creep?"

"Are you gay?"

"Pardon?" You scoff at her bluntness but your heart was beating a mile a minute, you knew it wasn't a big deal, she's a lesbian herself, but for some reason you still found coming out to people so difficult. Your parents hadn't taken it well which is how you found yourself living on your own... well, with Ellie. You breathe in and regain your composure, turning to her and flashing a coy smirk. "Why do you want to know Williams? Got a little crush on me?"

"Ha! You wish. Just wondered seeing as you're nineteen and have never once even held a guys hand."

"Didn't realise you paid so much attention to me, should I be worried I have a stalker?" She rolls her eyes at you obviously avoiding her question. "Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't, just trying to figure out if I should be worried about you getting a crush on me and going all crazy."

You walk over to her until there's only inches between you. "You're so arrogant." You bump her in the shoulder and she stumbles as you walk past her towards the kitchen. "You're also not my type... at all." You call over her shoulder missing the look of bewilderment on her face.

"Wait... so you are?" Ellie calls as she follows you to the kitchen. She's close behind you as you march away until you stop dead in your tracks causing her to bump into you.

"If you must know Ellie, yes I am."

"Oh." Ellie felt her heart clench a little for you as she knows how unaccepting your parents are, that's why you stopped being friends all those years ago after all.

You had met Ellie on the first day she arrived in Jackson, she looked tired and a little gaunt but you still felt butterflies in your stomach when you laid eyes on her for the first time. You remember seeing her walk in and hand a gun she kept in the back of her jeans to Maria, you were gobsmacked because she looked the same age as you and you couldn't imagine holding, let alone using, a gun. You had been born in Jackson, only ever leaving to go on patrol in the last couple years so 14 year old you found the girl all the more intriguing. You had watched her from a distance as Joel spoke to your dad, you still remember the feeling of your stomach dropping when she looked up to see you spying on her. You hadn't spoken to her until later that evening when Joel and her had come to yours for dinner. It was awkward at first but when she saw your record player and limited vinyl collection, the ice thawed quickly, you became inseparable until your parents started taking an issue with your friendship with her, you never understood why they stopped you seeing her and stopped seeing Joel until two years ago when you told them you were a lesbian. Ellie had always known that they were homophobic but it still hurt when they stopped you seeing her, she saw red any time she was near you because she was so hurt that you could cut her out of your life just like that and within a couple months you were bitter rivals that couldn't share a nice word with the other. Her hatred for you was so overwhelming that it forced her to stop being so awkward around people because she was so focused on throwing as many insults your way as possible that her nerves when speaking to others dissipated.

Now, as you stand in the kitchen staring at her leaning on the doorframe you felt a pang of guilt for how you had treated her although it quickly disappeared the second she opened her beautiful mouth.

"Well er... you're not my type either so don't get any ideas." You laugh at the awkwardness of her statement knowing why she suddenly lost confidence in herself.

"Thanks for the clarification." You roll your eyes before busying yourself getting a glass of water, it was the middle of summer so all the moving and unpacking was making you feel severely dehydrated. Ellie watched as you gulped down the water, noting how a couple drops fall down onto your white tank top. She dragged her eyes away from you and cleared her throat.

"Well now we've established the feelings mutual we can go back to never speaking again. Or are you going to bother me constantly with small talk?"

"Oh believe me you have nothing to worry about on my end." You refill the glass again and walk over to her. "And if I'm remembering correctly you're the one that came and spoke to me, so I could ask you the same thing, no?" You jab a finger into her chest as you speak emphasising your point. "Now if you'll excuse me I need to go wash this finger of your germs and finish unpacking." You push past her once again and she scoffs as you walk away back upstairs without looking back at her.

You continue unpacking methodically until everything is put away neatly and your decorations are in their new designated homes. As you collapse onto the bed picking up the book you were reading at the moment from your bedside table you breathe a sigh of relief at the breeze making its way through your open window. Your shared cabin was right on the outskirts of Jackson so your view was the beautiful woods that lined the north west section of the wall, as you looked at the greenery that was reflecting glittering spots of sunlight you reminisced on the times you and Ellie had spent in the woods when you were friends. You're interrupted from your thoughts by the growling of your stomach that prompts you to sneak back to the kitchen.

"Fuck's sake." You mutter under your breath as you walk into the kitchen only to be greeted by Ellie leaning on the counter savaging a bowl of cereal.

"You know you're spilling more of that down your shirt than you're getting in your mouth right?" Ellie looks down at her t-shirt only to see that you were correct when you said she was spilling milk down herself, she huffs and continues eating, this time being more careful as she brings the bowl right to her mouth.

"I thought I made it clear I didn't want to talk to you and yet... here you are talking to me." She mumbles through a mouthful of cereal. You roll your eyes and open the fridge only to see the leftovers you had put in there earlier were gone. You take a deep breath before spinning to give Ellie the dirtiest of looks.

"Are you fucking kidding me? That's the only food I had until I go out tomorrow. Why would you eat it?"

"Oh was that yours? My bad I got hungry earlier, it was really good though you gotta make me some more of that sometime." She smiles sweetly and your face twists into a scowl as you feel the rage boiling inside of you.

"Only we live here Ellie, if you're going to steal my food you could at least own it." You walk away and just before you leave the kitchen empty handed you turn back slightly. "Pussy." You go to walk away until you feel a hand enclose around your arm yanking you backwards. She pushes you up against the wall and leans her body weight on you so you can't move, relishing in your struggle.

"Say that again bitch, I dare you." Her eyes are dark and cold only mirroring yours, a devilish grin appears on your face as you lean in closer to her.

"You're a pussy Williams... and you don't scare me." You push her off with all your strength and rush away from her before slamming your door so hard you're shocked it doesn't come off the hinges. You pace around your room muttering and cursing Ellie before you stop, realising you actually have to live with her for the foreseeable future, every time you looked at her all you could think of is the screaming matches you endured with your parents when they banned you from seeing her and the look of defeat on her face as you ignored her for the first time when she came over to you while you were out with your parents, the nausea you were feeling only grew as the memory of when you came out to your parents flashes through your mind as it does multiple times throughout the day. You grab your book and begin reading once again trying to rid yourself of all these memories that Ellie was bringing up. As you finally feel the nausea calming there are three forceful knocks on your door that you ignore reflexively.

"You gonna open the door or what?" Ellie's voice is muffled but clear enough to make out what she's saying.

"No. Fuck off Ellie!" Ellie rolls her eyes before knocking harder this time and she doesn't stop, she continuously bangs on your door until you throw your book down in frustration to storm over to the source of your irritation. As you yank the door open you're greeted by a smirking Ellie. "WHAT? What could you possibly want? You eat my food, you piss me off, you pin me against a fucking wall, what do you want now Ellie?"

Ellie is taken aback by your harsh tone, typically it had a hint of playfulness to it but now you just sounded angry. She gulped before regaining her standoffish demeanour. "Calm down sweetie."

You scoff and go to slam the door in her face but her hand stops you and pushes the door back so hard you stumble backwards with it, you huff and walk away dropping down onto your bed once again.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure whatever. You're gonna do what you want anyway." She stuffs her hands into her front pockets and walks in as she looks at all the decorations in your room before plopping down on your bed sitting directly on your feet. You snatch them away with a huff as you grit your teeth and curl up to put as much distance between you two.

"What... do you want Williams?"

"Nothing really. Just wanted to see your room. It's very... you."

"Mm and I'm sure yours looks like a squatters pit." You smile smugly at her as she rolls her eyes, your face drops as she turns and eyes the book on your bedside table with a smirk.

"You read romance?" She stifles a laugh poorly.

"Yes and what? Can you even read?" She chuckles and you mumble under your breath "idiot"

"Wow you really are a virgin aren't you?" You eyes flash up at her as your eyebrows knit together and your face turns to a grimace.

"Why do you assume I'm a virgin because I read romance? Maybe I just enjoy it."

"Ha! Right. I'm assuming you're a virgin because only virgins read romance books." You kick at her and she grabs your sock-covered foot stopping you in your tracks.

"Oh my god Ellie can you go away!"

"No no, not just yet. My curiosity is piqued about this book now." Before you can stop her she's reaching for the book and standing up while flicking through some pages.

"Wait, No Ellie don't." She holds it above your head as you stand, you try and snatch it from her once but it's too far out of your reach, panic takes over as she opens it above her head and begins reading aloud. "Ellie fucking stop!"

"Why? It's just a romance book right? Nothing too... inappropriate." Your cheeks heat and the familiar rage comes back in full force, you look down at her feet and stomp on the left one as hard as you can, she yelps and drops her arms which allows you to grab the book from her grasp and you immediately rush out of your room and into the bathroom, locking the door behind you with a triumphant smile.

"Ow you bitch!" You hear Ellie call after you. As you eye the bathtub you decide now is the perfect time to relax in the tub so you can escape Ellie for awhile and read your book in peace.

You stay in the bath until the sun has completely set and the room is bathed in a silvery glow from the moonlight, you guess you were in there for at least an hour but as you start to shiver from the cooling water you decide to finally leave your refuge. As you climb out of the bath you're horrified when you realise your towel is still in your room.

"Fuck fuck fuck." You had to walk past Ellie's room to get to yours but ultimately you decide you'd have to risk it, you unlock the door and peak out into the hallway to see its empty, you edge the door open and begin quickly creeping to your room, you're almost there but as you go to walk past Ellie's room she walks out at the exact same time walking straight into your naked form.

"AGH OH MY GOD!" Your hands immediately attempt to cover your dignity but its an almost failed attempt as you notice her looking you up and down. "DON'T FUCKING LOOK!" You scream as you run past her to your room so quickly your feet slip a little. You hear her cackling in the hallway as you lean with your back against the door in utter disbelief. "No no noooo that did not just happen." You mumble to yourself as you run a hand over your face.

You try to put the embarrassment past you as you settle into bed before passing out from the sheer exhaustion of the day.

#ellie x reader #tlou ellie #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #ellie

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earlgreytea68 · 1 year ago

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LOOK AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT SO MUCH FOR (TOUR) DUST SPOILERS, OKAY?

~~~

Set list:

(1) That Pink Seashell spoken word thing actually opens the show

(2) Love from the Other Side: I assumed they'd play this first, and they did, and they looked very happy with the reception that it got

(3) The Phoenix

(4) Sugar, We're Goin Down: I overheard two guys when I was leaving saying, "I only came to this show for that Sugar song, and it was the third song they played," whatever to those two guys lol

(5) Uma Thurman

(6) A Litttle Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me

(7) Chicago Is So Two Years Ago: I know they always play this song when they play Chicago but the way the show is set up, there's this spoken intro that references a light being left on in Chicago, and then they launch into this song, and so I feel like maybe it's permanently in the set list for this tour, we'll see.

(8) Grand Theft Autumn: Patrick told the story again of how he wrote the lyrics while jogging with Pete. Here is exactly what he said, because I recorded it, hahaha: "I wrote this song out here, jogging, trying to figure out the words. This was back when I wrote a lot of the words. And Pete was jogging with me and he was like, 'Eh, maybe change this, maybe change this.' Before we knew it he was writing all the lyrics." And then Pete said, "Imagine us jogging" lolololol

(9) Calm Before the Storm

(10) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race: They added a little Peterick-y moment in here? I don't remember them playing at each other during this song in previous performances? It was cute, it was during the instrumental part before Patrick leads the singalong, maybe I've just always missed it? They played it each other and kind of did some kind of kick thing with their legs??

(11) Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes: Honestly, always a delight to hear this song, this is one of my favorites <3

(12) Heaven, Iowa: THIS SONG LIVE, I SWEAR

(13) "The Take Over, the Breaks Over": OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG AND I TOTALLY DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO PLAY IT, I WAS SO HAPPY

(14) Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet: <3 Guess they got over being scared of playing this one lol

(15) Fake Out: I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I WAS THAT THEY PLAYED THIS ONE OMGGGGGGG. Also, there was some plan I wasn't aware of to, like, hold up cell phones with pink paper over the lights so the crowd lit up pink???? I have no idea who engineered that but it was CHARMING and at the end of the song Pete said, "Thanks for that, guys, that was beautiful," and the stage was on darkness so it seemed absolutely spontaneous on his part and I think they really did like the effect, so, Idk, future shows, keep doing it????

(16) Patrick did some kind of piano interlude where he played "Don't Stop Believin'"????? It was random but he was super charming, I think the rest of the band used it as a break, it was just SO GREAT. Part of his intro was: "Pete was putting together this show and he said to me, 'Hey, you should play piano.' And I was like, 'I kinda only play songs I wrote. I don't really play piano. I don't know how to play piano.' And he's like, 'Eh, you'll figure it out.'" And then Patrick sat down and played gorgeous piano ugh THANKS, PETE.

(17) Last of the Real Ones: I am glad Mania got some love.

(18) Save Rock and Roll

(19) PETE RECITED BABY ANNIHILATION WHAT. I SWEAR TO GOD. I SO DID NOT EXPECT THIS AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT HAPPENED. If you're going to the show, pay attention, because I looked away and apparently there's, like, a magic trick at the end of the monologue where he disappears behind a piece of black silk?????

(20) Crazy Train cover: I...don't know what to say about this randomness hahaha but it happened??

(21) Dance Dance

(22) Hold Me Like a Grudge: I think Patrick adores singing this song, I really do.

(23) G.I.N.A.S.F.S.: I KNOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, EITHER.

(24) My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)

(25) Thnks fr th Mmrs

(26) Centuries

(27) Saturday <3

The show ends with a little piano version of So Much (for) Stardust played over the sound system, so pay attention for that.

The set is super Alice in Wonderland-y and I adored it, it's playful and fantastical and has all these whimsical touches and interludes and I just thought it was delightful and at one point there were bubbles, and I heard some people complaining after the concert that the fantasy thing didn't suit their style of music and really, I was surrounded by downers after the concert, I thought they were perfect hahaha. Like, ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. They looked so, so, so tangibly happy, all of them. Patrick sounded fantastic and he looked like he was having a blast, he smiled the whole time.

I have a lot of videos but they seem like they're all pretty terrible, but I'll see how I feel in the morning lol

#fall out boy #fob #bandom

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davinashifts333 · 9 months ago

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THE SECRET AFFAIR (Jason DiLaurentis x Liar!Reader):

⚫️summary; one year after Alison’s disappearance everything in Rosewood went haywire. Y/n, Aria’s maternal cousin & now 1/5 of the remaining Liars, who had either an equal amount or possibly even more secrets than her childhood friends, had been dating her now presumed dead best friend’s brother. That’s right, since before the summer of Alison’s disappearance Y/n & Jason had secretly been hooking up & began officially dating due to her helping him sober up & help him through his toughest nights that now gloomed over his past. She was his main alibi for the night everything happened with Alison but, obviously couldn’t tell anyone why she was with him. So why now, that they’re finally putting Alison to rest does it all go to shit? Because the whole town believes one of the liars did it.

⚠️warnings; swearing, age gap relationship (Y/n is the same age as the girls but one of the oldest, so 5-6 years younger than Jason), adult themes, murder, gore-ish?, PLL shit dude, it’s crazy, 18+ ONLY!

•

Y/N’s POV (the night of Ali’s disappearance)

I woke up with a blazing headache to my phone ringing a very specific tone that had become all too familiar. Jason. Thunder rolled in as lightning flashed the barn awake. The text from Jason saying to meet him at our spot which was a small bench in the woods behind his house. I head over, carefully leaving the barn door ajar so the girls won’t wake up when I come back but, I notice i’m not the only one who had planned to escape. Ali was gone and so was Spencer. I brushed the thought from my mind as I remember Jason’s text,

‘Garrett and Ian brought over some weed and I have the shakes now, meet up? I’m freaking out. Be safe. xx’

Jason had been trying to get clean, key word, trying. His friend group wasn’t as lenient as I was though, every now and then I had to help clean him up and sleep through the high or drunken daze. He wasn’t the best at being drunk believe it or not, he got drowsier than me after smelling the fumes when filling my car up with gas. Regardless, Jason was there for me when my dad left to hunt down my mom’s murderer. Yeah, Aria is my cousin, our moms are sisters.. Well.. Were.. That was until one night in the winter of 1998. I woke up after hearing glass shatter and walked down stairs, all I remember seeing was a shadow of a tall man standing over my mother’s body. Since then, I’ve lived with my aunt Ella and her family. Jason was our neighbor from down the street and Aria knew Alison, so obviously I knew them too. He always told me that death brought new life and my new life I had to live in honor of my mom. We clicked from then on. Of course being older he always taunted us girls and would do the typical big brother things to Ali. But one night when I was 14, I kissed him. He was shocked at first but then admitted he always liked me best out of Ali’s friends. The only bad thing was, Alison saw us kiss. She held it over my head like a looming sword on the thinnest of threads, threatening to tell her parents that Jason tried to force himself on me. Which obviously was a lie but who would they believe. Little did she know, I had secrets of hers to shoot back with so, we bonded in that way. A battle for dominance as one might call it. But nonetheless we were best friends, and secrets so keep us together.

I walk up to the bench hearing the crunching of leaves coming from the opposite direction, they staggered a bit and I saw Jason stumbling towards me, tripping on a rock and landing right on top of me.

‘Shit, sorry babe. I guess drunk me has two left feet.’ I giggled at his comment as we sat up, backs against the trunk of the tree that stood tall above our bench.

‘Who bought it this time?’ I asked, changing the subject back to the issue at hand. Jason then took position on my lap, my hands running through his hair. He sighed.

‘Ian. As always. But Garrett also brought booze. You know I can’t resist a nice cold beer. Those two idiots are probably still up in my room thinking I passed out somewhere. How was your sleepover?’ I rubbed his temples, knowing he got headaches when he drank.

‘It was okay, had some drinks too, courtesy of your sister. Hanna and Emily knocked out first and well you kno-.’ Suddenly the sound of someone walking by caught our attention. Jason shot up and stumbled a bit before helping me up. I held his waist to help him gain balance and he whispered to me to head back to the barn. That we’d talk the next day. With a swift kiss goodbye we went our separate ways. But, just as I got back to the door of the barn I heard a scream. I quickly made my way inside to see Emily, Hanna and Aria still asleep. Gladly I didn’t get caught by Spencer or Ali. I went back to my place on the large ottoman and curled up, hoping for Jason to have gotten back in one piece. He wasn’t as drunk or high as other times but, he still could continue through the night or worse, be pressured by Ian. God, I hated his “friends”. They only enabled him to fail at sobriety and I knew the truth behind their little club. Ian started it all with Jason when Ian took a photo of the girls and I in Emily’s bedroom. Creep.

An hour or so went by and I couldn’t sleep with all the thoughts running in my mind but, I kept my eyes shut. Spencer had come back but seemed a bit off, her breathing was ragged and stuffy. Like she had been crying or running. I wondered if Ali had gone back home or if she was coming back but, my question was answered when a loud crack of thunder woke us all up. Emily and Hanna huddled together while Aria “woke” me up.

‘Damn Y/n/n. You sure can sleep through anything.’ Spencer joked trying to lighten the mood and we all slightly laughed.

‘Where’s Alison?’ I finally asked and Spencer spoke up.

‘I think I heard a scream.’

That night marked a huge change in our lives and seeing how things were, my Uncle Byron and Aunt Ella decided it would be best to move to Iceland for a while, to get away. But now that we were back, things seemed way different. I hadn’t heard from Jason much after Ali’s disappearance. We kept in tough but after I was forced to move across the world, we decided it was best to be apart. I hoped he stayed sober but, I also knew the loss of his sister was taking a toll on him.

Aria and I had begun to unpack when Mike announced he was hungry. So Aria and I took my car that my mom had when she was my age, to a little dive bar/restaurant near Hollis College to get some burgers. When I waited for our order, Aria snuck off with this really cute guy who was apparently studying to be an English teacher. I let her have some fun while I contemplated texting Jason. Low and behold I folded.

‘Hey, I know it’s been a while since we last spoke but I figured a check in from our old spot in Rosewood could be cool? I just got back today and could sneak away from Aria for a few. If you’re up for it. Hope you’re doing well. xx.’

He read it almost instantly as if he had known I was thinking of texting him.

‘Welcome back to hell. I can meet you there in 10?’ I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought of seeing Jason after a whole year and quickly shot Aria a text letting her know what I was doing. During our time in Iceland I confessed to her about Jason and I secretly dating to which she was impressed but mainly saddened by and even wrote a modern day Romeo and Juliet based off of us. It was sweet, Jason had even liked it when I read it to him on one of our phone calls early on. He also felt proud that I was able to trust someone enough to talk about him with.

I drove the 10 minutes to the last secluded park where we had to start meeting after our bench had been compromised by the investigation and waited. A few minutes went by and I heard a knock on my car window. I shut it off and climbed out. He looked good, way better than he did when I left. Healthier, a bit more put together and like his face was hurting from smiling so much.

‘I don’t remember you being this bubbly. Are you sure you’re Jason DiLaurentis?’ I joked and he pulled me in for a hug. His signature cologne engulfed me in the most comforting way.

‘No more red streaks in your hair, you’ve grown up. You sure you’re Y/N Y/L/N?’ He responded and I playfully punch his arm. We walked over to the picnic table and sat down. We talked for what felt like hours but in reality was about half an hour until Aria texted me saying she had the food and was getting dropped off at home. I responded with an excuse she could give her parents and she said she’d have my back. I came back to the conversation at hand and decided to ask the big question.

‘Sorry about that, Aria was just letting me know she’d cover for me back at home. So, truth. How are you?’ I asked, his eyes saddening a bit knowing what I meant.

‘Well, i’m sober. A whole 9 months now. Still dealing with the whole Ali missing thing and just graduated from College. You?’ I felt his hand playing with my rings on mine and sighed.

‘Well, about to start Junior year of High School, still dealing with the whole Ali missing thing and now very proud of this guy I used to date. He was a bit of a mess when I left our hometown so, you know. Surviving.’ He chuckled nodding as I ended my response.

‘He was very broken up. I mean come on, not being able to see your gorgeous face for that long? It was criminal. Poor guy was torn up enough already. You just added to the mix.’ I took notice of how true his comment was, I had left him in a vulnerable moment.

‘Well, I tried to keep in contact with him but, didn’t know how else to help, I was grieving too. Just grieving in a different way and grieving him as well.’ He lifted my chin to meet my gaze.

‘You don’t have to grieve anymore love. He’s never given up that one day you’d make your way back to him. Believe me. He even thought about how if you didn’t come back soon, he’d have to go to Iceland to find you.’ His hand now cupping my cheek as my eyes glazed over with tears. Alison always did tell me she loved how I helped Jason become more human in her eyes. She had seen a change in him from when we started dating.

‘Well, I thought he would hate me for leaving. I know I had no choice but, I still wished I could’ve been there to help him, like always.’

‘Baby, listen to yourself. You were always there helping me. Even when you had to go. You called every day, texted all day long, checked in when you could. You did your part, it was just time for me to do mine and let you move on. I just hoped that if we really were meant to keep going, you’d eventually come back to me.’ At this point I was fully crying and listening to his grief and love pour out of him.

‘I did hound my Aunt Ella everyday in hopes of us coming back sooner. And look at us now. I don’t want to move on, I want us, I want to grow in life with you Jason. I wanna see you be the person you always dreamt of becoming and to let the past stay in the past, all the mistakes were just bumps in the road. You took control of your life, focused on yourself and I couldn’t be happier for you. You deserved to be free from those assholes you called friends.’ He placed his forehead to mine and pulled me into his lap.

‘Can I kiss you now? I’m dying over here.’ He whispered and I laughed nodding. At that moment, we were in bliss. Not knowing what was yet to come and how insanely twisted our lives would soon become. After our reunion we agreed on meeting up as much as we could and even heading to Philly for date nights. However until I turned 18, we had to stay under the radar for a bit. It was all rose colored glasses until the first text from -A. It was a picture of me in Jason’s lap and a whole album of pictures of us before Ali went missing. Who could’ve possibly gotten these?

•

A/N: HIIII! IM BACK ON MY DELULU SHIT & HAVE FALLEN BACK INTO MY CHILDHOOD COMFORT SHOW PLL. LMK IF I SHOULD MAKE THIS A SERIES OR NOT, ALSO LMK WHAT ELSE YOU’D WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT! LOVE YOU GUYS & HAPPY 2024!! 🩷🩷🩷

#davinashifts333 #jason dilaurentis #pretty little liars #pll #pll girls #plledit #pll rewatch #pretty little liars x reader #spencer hastings #aria montgomery #emily fields #alison dilaurentis #hanna marin #jason dilaurentis x reader #jason dilaurentis x y/n #pll aesthetic #plldaily #pll cast #pll icons

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holylulusworld · 2 months ago

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Every breath you take (15)

Summary: There is a shadow following you. He doesn’t know what he got himself into.

Pairing: Stalker!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: a man out of time, secret admirer trope, "crazy" reader, fluff, “moving in together the crazy way”

A/N: You all made me do it! Here’s the series to this random idea: Stalker Bucky & Crazy Reader

Catch up here: Every breath you take (14)

Every Breath You Take Masterlist

“Doll, you should get settled in. Moving into a new place is always exhausting and maybe a little scary too. I was scared when I had my first apartment after.” His voice cracks, and you immediately sit up to check on Bucky.

You know about his past with Hydra, the brainwashing, and that these awful people controlled him for centuries. The sweet man sending you flowers and gifts is so unlike the killer they wanted him to be.

“I’m not scared of moving in with you and Alpine,” you peck his cheek. “It’s all I ever wanted. I couldn’t wait for you to take me away from my life. It was so…” You bite your tongue and stop yourself from babbling. Here you are, complaining about your life while Bucky went through hell.

“We should talk about a few rules, doll.” Bucky sits up and shakes the doubts creeping into his mind. “I know you came with me willingly, but you must remember that you are mine now.

You smile wildly and sigh. Bucky wants you to be his, and his alone. Looking Bucky in the eyes, you feel your heart flutter. He clears his throat, trying to find the right words.

“I like rules,” you giggle, and grab his metal hand to place it on your thigh. “It’s even funnier to break some.”

“Doll, Y/N…” His features harden for a second before he squeezes your thigh. “You can’t leave this place. Not alone, at least. The world out there is dangerous, and I must keep you safe. We can go for walks and enjoy nature together, though.”

“Hmm…” You nod thoughtfully. “Can I have my scrapbook from my bag? I want to take notes.” You smile while moving Bucky’s hand a little higher and under the shirt you stole from him. “I don’t want to forget a rule, Bucky.”

“Y/N,” he splutters. Bucky wants to take things slow and ease you into the new situation of being his sweet fiancé, but you’re rather bold. “I want you to listen to me. That’s one of the rules.”

You sweetly batt your eyelashes and move his hand between your legs. He darts his tongue out, licking his lower lip. The tip of his index finger grazes your cotton panties. He can feel the wetness of the fabric and smell your arousal.

“We need to talk, Y/N. I won’t do that,” he removes his hand but sniffs at it for a second. “I’m an old-fashioned man. We had only one date, and I…”

“But I want you,” you whine and scoot closer to place your hand on his thigh. “I know you want me to. I felt you watching me when I touched myself.”

“I did, but it was wrong.” His voice is a little rougher now. “It won’t happen again.” You whine at his words. “We will get to know each other better before…”

“…you claim your bride.” You move even closer to run your hand over his chest. “I thought you’d claim me the first night we will spend at our home.”

Our home. Bucky likes hearing the words come out of your mouth. If only you weren’t so forward.

He shakes his head and remembers his plan. Ease you into the new situation and tell you about the rules you must follow.

“Back to the rules, doll,” he sternly says. You sigh but stop touching Bucky. It’s frustrating to have him so close but not be allowed to touch him.

“Okay, Bucky.”

Bucky’s features soften when you pat the bed to get Alpine’s attention. The furball jumps onto the bed to curl on your side.

“You will listen to me and not leave the house without me. I’ll keep you safe and provide for you. You don’t have to work. I can pay for everything.

“I don’t want to leave,” you giggle and slap his thigh. “I would only get lost. I’m bad at orienting myself. Especially in new places. I like this house too.” You sigh happily. “It’s like the one in my scrapbook. WAIT!”

You get off the bed to look for one of your duffle bags. You open it and get a pink and fluffy scrapbook out.

“What’s this?” Bucky watches you place the scrapbook on the bed.

“Look!” you open the book, showing Bucky the pictures of a house that looks a little like the one he bought for you. “It’s like ours, right?” You flip through the scrapbook to show him your fantasies and dreams. “I never showed someone the book before.”

Bucky looks at all the things you wanted to accomplish and the dreams you wanted to come true. You never had the chance, though. Just like him, you were trapped in a life you didn’t want to live.

“Are there more rules?” You bring Bucky out of his thoughts. “Bucky?”

“I think that’s enough for tonight. I brought takeout and cake,” he says and closes the scrapbook. “You must be hungry.”

“Oh, yes!” You clap your hands. “I could eat a horse.” You smirk, looking at Alpine. “Or a fluffy cat.”

Alpine hisses and jumps off the bed as if he understood what you said. Bucky follows his cat to scoop Alpine up. “Good. Let me prepare the food. Give me a few minutes.”

“Of course, Buck,” you coo while watching him leave the bedroom. Everything is going to be fine; you’re sure about it. You and Bucky, forever together. Just like you imagined…

Part 16

Tags in reblog.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #Every breath you take (15)#tw: stalking

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dailycass-cain · 3 months ago

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It's been A LONG TIME, but I feel I am so gonna have to catch up on my thoughts with Birds of Prey. So tonight I'm gonna do a three-parter.

Tonight, part 1 will cover #9-10. So let's start with my thoughts on the two issues.

Starting off, this issue means a bit to me three-fold as #1 it occurred during the character's anniversary month.

#2 Artist Jonathan Case once again draws the character (having gone to town with the character in Batgirls #14).

#3 said GORGEOUS AAPI variant cover by Phillip Tan and Elmer Santos. I remember seeing Tan's Cass at a C2E2 a few years ago and nabbing the print (for myself and a friend). He always drew a nice Cass, and I'm glad AT LAST he drew an official one.

As for the issue itself, it's a nice beginning piece to the new arc as the Birds are basically lost trying to find Babs, along with figuring out their new surroundings.

For the special costume given to Cass this issue. I saw an article via Screenrant going into detail on how edgy this suit gives off.

I agree it does, but also to a degree of how maybe she views herself internally. Though of all the unique designs, I'm quite curious on how the artists throughout this arc corresponded with writer Kelly Thompson on the unique looks to each Bird.

Regardless the "Victorian Era" Birds as I view this issue give a very Gothic style and lend to the twists and turns this issue has.

Which, leads into one of the major moments Cass gets in the issue.

The first is a move hyped on the covers during the first arc: Barda launching Cass via a fastball special.

The moment had me squeeing as we get our first tag team move of the two and I hope there is MOAR from them besides the old classic (which you can't go wrong with).

The Birds rescue Babs, and for the briefest of moments everything "seems" right, but well Thompson remembers something OTHER writers kind of neglect with Cass.

In that, she can tell when someone is not truly themselves and is a walking lie detector.

It's a brief, but if "you're in the know" of the character, yeah Cass would easily see via a few steps of body language and behavior that Babs wasn't really Babs.

It's a character quirk that a lot of writers usually overlook coughs some Batman writers coughs.

Again, Dinah trusts Cass 100% with her insight (as the series has already established) and attacks "Babs" and we get out fight in the issue: the Birds vs. this mangled Bat Babs creature.

This issue also feels like the closest meta Thompson has regarding the whole Babs as Batgirl in the issue too. If you take in the fact that her costume has a rather "classic" look to it. And well...

And that leads me to the only downer of the issue because like the Birds themselves, as the reader we are left clueless as they are as to whom or what is behind all of this.

However, for this "one and done" different look. I'll give it being something totally different and again this series trying something new (akin to what we've gotten in the first arc).

Case's art is still stunning, and though more minimalist (compared to his Batgirls issues) still packs a punch. The costumes and crazy demon she-bat Babs still pops in my head.

I just wish we got more information other than the teases for the issue, but this is an unfolding story and like the Birds I'm here for the ride.

Birds of Prey #10 continues this wacky out-of-this-world adventure this time with a 50s twist that has the same dark edge of the prior issue. So what about the Cass within? Well...

Again, another artist of Batgirls helps with the issue as we get Robbi Rodriguez (who's been drawing A LOT of Cass granting 2016 me a wish) and Gavin Guidry on art duties.

Their art compliments the setting within the issue with this 50s to 60s style with a dark undertone (like the prior issue).

So the issue begins with the newest suits we get a '66 version of Cass. The suit itself uses a bit of what we got with the '66 bat costumes but we get Cass bits to it. The bat symbol. The belt. Oh hey! A domino mask! How Black Bat of this suit!

I do love the look, and for a "66' Batgirl" look for Cass checks all the boxes making it different from Babs' look.

Though I have to admit it's weird that Babs herself looks a lot more like her short-lived Sean Murphy bat ears look than something more to her '66.

We also get A LOT of exposition in the issue of what's going on, why someone is targeting Babs, and HOW this is happening.

And it works for me given well we need that info dump and this does feel like the part where we NEEDED this. Even if it does feel like a slight retread of Megaera from the first arc.

However, with one tiny bat twist…

The big fight for this issue is the Birds vs. a corrupted Barda. And oh dear me she is utterly terrifying. But like I said we get a twist, and it is SOOOOO Cass-characterization perfection.

Instead of a brutal fight between the two new friends we get Cass trying to reason to Barda, knowing the New God can beat this on her own.

The moment between the two is just SOOO Cass. Akin to so many stuff with the character in the past. Thompson just GETS Cassandra Cain as a character.🥺

If there's any really nitpick of this issue I have is this issue felt so quick. Like we get so much info, Possessed-Barda, Cass does Cass thing, and that's it. I kind of wish we got more but I get we're sprinkling the Sin and Vixen stuff for later.

But man, Barda/Cass are just the anchor of this series period. Their friendship is something I always wanted and this series hasn't disappointed. I can't wait when Thompson repays this with Barda coming to Cass's aide or does this.

I KNOW THIS IS COMING.

I just wonder WHEN and if I'll have tissues for this moment when Barda unleashes hell or shows this compassion to free Cass from whatever bind.

But yeah Birds of Prey has been my favorite book of the early half of the month, with Tec always complimenting it for the back half.

#cassandra cain #dc comics #my thoughts

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loving-family-poll · 10 months ago

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Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 2

Propaganda under the cut:

Hikaru/Kaoru:

notable for actually leaning into the incest thing because twincest was their entire schtick while working at the host club

the twincest ship that defined a generation. taking the bait seems obvious when their performance gimmick for club guests is to fawn over each other and play up the affection tenfold, but it just gets better when you learn that for most of their lives they didnt have other friends and really only had each other until joining becoming members of the host club. so on top of being willing to flirt in public for attention, they're also codependent as hell <333

They're twins. They sleep in the same bed. They pretend to be in forbidden love to bait fujoshis but are maybe also in forbidden love for real. They were in high school before they met a single person who could tell them apart. They were devastating to my middle school psyche

Rick/Morty:

INCEST ICONS!! They've somehow got a MAJORITY of their fans on one of the most popular shows on TV to root for a guy who is CLEARLY sexually abusing his grandson ~subtextually~, but also sometimes ON SCREEN, and it's hilarious and fucked up, and Morty would kill anyone who tried to take his grandpa away <3

they're codependent in so many universes, they've gotta be fucking in a few

They get married!!!!! It's right there!! I wish I had more coherent thoughts about them but just. They. It's awful. It's abusive. It's twisted and cruel. It's a comedy duo. It's the best thing either have going for them. Rick will never fully respect Morty. Morty will never fully respect Rick. I want them to run away together. They're Something

the power dynamic is crazy! Morty's deeply lonely at the start and his grandfather takes advantage of that, rick pulls the kid out of bed, out of school, whenever he wants and gets him to do whatever he wants, covers up their activities, threatens and endangers and inflicts pain upon morty with intent and cruelty. he shapes morty according to his needs, the entire show is about the space adventures of an old man and his 14 year old grandson and you just gotta wonder, isn't it fucked up that this guy's sidekick and best friend and life partner is a kid? and it is!

Since morty is traumatized on the daily rick sometimes takes his memories, he controls what morty can remember (and therefore who he gets to be), the memory gun is just sci-fi gaslighting i say. and there's transdimensional travel and at one point it's revealed that ricks from different dimensions work together to "breed" mortys, ensure they're born (clone a bunch of them too) because a morty by nature is loyal and forgiving and makes the perfect partner that's easy to manipulate, easy to use. i will forever think of the "bred for forgiveness" line as perverted horrifying incest bait<3

Also one time they were hosts for alien parasites and they fell in love and made out and in the Very First episode rick gets morty to stick giant seeds (that rick needs for an experiment or smth) up his ass to smuggle them through security. they had some kind of dragon soul bond orgasm together. my point is it's borderline incestuous abuse and it's crazy that they imply these characters are tied together cosmically.. if they are it's rick holding their red string of fate like a leash

they are together (sometimes romantically/sexually, sometimes not explicitly so) in EVERY universe there is canonically a club on the citadel called The Creepy Morty. Miami Morty has an R tattooed on his asscheek they love each other they hate each other they cant stand being together they cannot be separated Rick loves grooming Morty. like. he has literally pushed Morty into comitting genocides and conditioned him into becoming desensitized to all kinds of sexual and violent things. Rick keeps a memory vial of Morty's entitled "virginity" Rick C137 (the main one in the show) has sacrificed his life to save Morty

#tumblr polls #tournament polls #incest poll #hikaru/kaoru #ouran high school host club #rick/morty #rick and morty #incest tw #round 2

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i8h0on · 7 months ago

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is it over now? — yang jungwon

synopsis: after being gone for a year, y/n returns to her hometown, seoul. with the aim of recovering her lover, jungwon, she takes the risk of going to a party with her best friend. is her love lost forever?

genre: angst, literally

warnings: lots of swearing. mentions of alcohol, sex & smoking.

word count: 7.5k

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒�� ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵

I COMBED MY HAIR for the twentieth time that night, trying to disguise the frizz starting to build up in my long, black hair.

the big white clock on the glittery wall of my small room read 8:30 p.m, and nari, my best friend, hadn't made an appearance at the front door, lacking even her usual honk – a playful annoyance i had come to expect. that only meant one thing: she was too busy swallowing heeseung's mouth to remember to pick me up.

gazing into the mirror, i observed my precarious false eyelashes, a skill i'd mastered over time, now unstable, poised to detach. the subtle pink gloss on my lips was barely distinguishable from the natural color of them, and my blush made me look like i'd been slapped in the face. god, when did i get so bad at makeup?

reminiscing, i once held the title of sephora's most loyal customer, just as i dominated every store that tested my mom's credit card limits. however, that was all before she whisked me across the country. precisely one year ago, i hastily packed everything, boarding the first train to busan – akin to a real refugee. was it foolish? perspectives vary. the optimal choice? perhaps not. regret? not in the slightest.

my mother took me to a small village in the hills, where people didn't live so much with materialistic things and the atmosphere was more conservative. my appearance, in turn, was much lighter and more natural while i lived there. that’s probably why now i couldn’t even use a bronzer without looking stupid. it seemed that all the beauty tricks i had learned from vogue had gone down the drain.

i was too focused on correcting my dark circles with concealer when a sharp, deafening horn blared through the house, causing me to shake completely at the sudden sound and nearly go blind from the concealer that had stuck to my eye. nari, that bastard. she knew what she was doing.

— tell her i'm coming! — i shouted downstairs with no response.

i hurriedly grabbed my bag, put everything i thought i needed into it, put on my coat, took one more look in the mirror and flew out the door.

when i got to the living room, i saw my younger sister, iseul, propped up on the big mint-colored sofa munching on chips and watching "the penthouse" for the twenty-fourth time. this 14-year-old brat never did anything at home.

— could you, hum, for the first time in your life, be useful for something other than finishing off my chips? — i warned her. the youngest just gave me a debauched, childish look.

— you've been back for less than 24 hours and you already want to be the housewife?! relax, sis. — the audacity!

— when mom sees this greasy sofa, i want to see who's going to relax. — i hastily closed the door. i knew very well that my mother would go crazy when she saw it. the chips weren't even hers, dammit.

iseul had always been a cheeky child, but i never thought that a year away would make her any worse. she was impossible to live with, and i hadn't even spent that much time with her since i arrived, but it was enough to find her unbearable.

i ran over to nari's car, the black hyundai was still exactly the same, although it had a few more scratches than usual. nari loved to go on adventures, she was crazy.

i opened the car door and the familiar smell of vanilla filled my nostrils. so many memories in this car, my god. it seems like yesterday that my first drink ended in vomit on these very seats, there's still a little brown stain on them. and that time we ran afoul of the police for attempted trespassing? that was definitely the best, don't ask me why. we were very angry and annoying teenagers, at least under the influence of alcohol.

— y/n, my love, how i've missed you! — nari practically swallowed me up in a tight, cozy hug, and i don't know how she didn't break her back the way she squirmed all over the front seat. i hugged her even tighter, i missed her so much. we talked every day by facetime during the time i was away, but nothing matched having my best friend in the flesh by my side. i had been looking forward to this moment for months.

i met jeong nari in the first year of elementary school, when before she was the best-known girl in the school, she was still the girl that wore glitter elastics and bottle-bottom glasses. she helped me rebuild my sandcastle when a stupid older boy destroyed it with his footsteps, and we've been inseparable ever since. nari was the funniest girl i knew, it was impossible not to burst out laughing when i was next to her. even in the worst, most inconvenient situations, i would piss myself laughing whenever she opened her mouth.

she was the kind of girl who didn't need to make an effort for people to like her, who attracted attention even without any intentions. unlike most of the snobbish girls at my school, who tried to make it to the top by being cheap copies of regina george, nari stood out for being the most generous, fun person ever. she could go to school in a sweatshirt and bobsponge pants and easily still be the prettiest girl there. when you needed her, she was just there. always there. that's why she was so well-known, so loved. she was a ray of sunshine in such a dark city. there wasn't a single day that i didn't admire her, she was the best person ever. the spotlight was always on her face, her gorgeous face. not only was she popular, she was also extremely intelligent, her place at seoul university was already guaranteed. she really had it all, she was everything.

and i... well, you could say i was just... there. unlike jeong, i was the most sociably awkward girl seoul high had. not that i was an 80-year-old who spent her free time reading books in the living room in front of the chimney, not at all. i was just...me. although most of my senior year knew who y/n was, i was mostly known "nari's friend". not that it bothered me at all! i loved going unnoticed, living my life quietly and not having my name on everyone's lips every weekend. that is, with the exception of this one, for obvious reasons. "nari's friend is back in busan after 1 year completely missing" will be in the local papers, if you doubt it.

— i missed you too, girl. — i kissed her on the cheek as i undid the hug, not even remembering that heeseung was watching the intimate moment. — hi to you too, man. — i smiled slightly while we shaked our hands.

— it's good to see you again, y/n. — he said, smiling. lee heeseung was the classic heartthrob from every cliché movie, easily having all the girls in the world at his feet with a wink. the perfect match for nari, literally. i'm not sure how the two of them met, i've only been told that another friend of ours introduced them and since then they've been stuck together with permanent glue. cute. too cute.

i snuggled into the seat, preparing myself for the short journey. we were going to my supposed welcome party, according to nari herself. but in reality, i knew it was just another of jay's weekend parties at his luxurious mansion, and they'd taken the opportunity to stick me there. seriously, there weren't even enough people who knew me to fill a party in a house that size. but i was grateful for the attempt.

i spent the whole trip gossiping with my best friend, and surprisingly heeseung, about my boring and uninteresting life in busan for the whole year. unlike normal teenagers, who used to have the best experiences of their lives when they went to another city or abroad, i had nothing. as always, my life was so boring. the most exciting story i had was when i had to chase a flock of sheep down a mountain and almost died. wow. they couldn't even hide how sorry they were that my year had been so bad, even though nari made hilarious jokes about my misfortune. they also gave me all the updates about our (un)loved classmates, and no chance that yerim from english class was pregnant?! and that miyeong had cheated on her boyfriend with her neighbor?! i swear, my school was definitely not normal. about three hundred rich, snobbish teenagers together in one place, who even thought that would be a good idea? every week there was a new scandal, it was pure chaos.

another ten minutes or so and we arrived at the park house, music blaring from inside. i was always impressed by jay's ability to convince his neighbors, all of whom were just old men who surely went to bed at eight o'clock at night, not to call the police. when i was little, even using my little ukulele in the garage at four in the afternoon caused problems. having money has its advantages, i guess. we all got out of the car after nari parked.

— now, let me look at you properly, girl. — nari picked me up and spun me around like a doll, making me dizzy with so many pirouettes. — oh god, you look so gorgeous!

and look at that ass! have you been exercising, like… mountain climbing? — she joked, making me turn redder than i already was with that ridiculous blush. while she thought i was hot, i thought i was a bit fat, but i would never confess that out loud.

she looked at me like a proud mother, as if i were her baby who had just taken her first steps or said her first word. she was just like that, more dramatic than usual. — seriously y/n, you look more beautiful than ever. — the girl repeated, and if i didn't know better, i'd swear that her teary eyes were real. i didn't understand what all the compliments were about, after all, i didn't look very stunning. i wasn't wearing anything extravagant or attention-grabbing. i was wearing a black mini skirt, which was almost not mini at all, a white corset that was almost crushing my bones, and a black leather jacket. the most basic outfit you could wear for a night out. there must have been at least ten girls in the same outfit as me in there. probably more attractive, but still.

i even tried to dress up a bit more and try to look more attractive, but the sequined dress made me look like a mirrorball, not to mention all the other dresses i tried on and they all made me look like what i did best: pathetic. i just gave up on the idea, preferring to go in a more comfortable way. well, apart from the fact that i wasn't very comfortable. but if i really came the way i wanted, i'd be laughed at. who would wear a minnie sweatshirt to a party? one way or another, as soon as i stepped inside that mansion, i was going to seriously regret my fashion decisions by comparing myself to the other girls, it was something habitual already. i didn't even have to go in, because the dress nari was wearing, which made her look like a real angel, made me regret ever coming. i was just...me, again. at least my clothes were good, but they weren't outstanding, like always.

i breathed heavily as we headed for the door, nervousness taking over my body once again. y/n, it was just a fucking party. a party that, by the way, didn't even focus on me. all i needed to do for the next few hours was smile and pretend that my months away had actually been interesting. as i was the most awkward girl ever, it certainly wasn't going to end well.

heeseung opened the big door, and the music that was already blaring throughout the condominium just blared in my ears, making me almost deaf. i walked down the long corridor with great difficulty, having to apologize every time i took a step for accidentally bumping into someone. for god's sake, there were at least a thousand people there. how could a place full of hormonal teenagers, dripping with sweat and with disgusting alcohol breath, attract anyone? well, i couldn't answer, because i only knew the answer when i was already under the influence of shots of vodka. while the alcohol wasn't injecting itself into my veins, which was when i become a completely different person, i just sat on the sofa, waiting for someone to talk to. i only became sociable under the influence of alcohol, something i started using to try not to be so introverted. needless to say, it went horribly wrong; i even had my stomach pumped. my parents still won't talk about it. fair enough.

i sighed heavily for the thirtieth time inside that house, when we passed the death row and saw someone we knew. it was none other than park sunghoon, one of heeseung's best friends and also one of the best ice skaters in high school. as well as being talented, he was also very attractive, although his jokes were never funny. we hardly ever exchanged a word, only in biology lessons from time to time, when he didn't know what page was in the book. apart from these interactions, i rarely spoke to him, but we had many friends in common.

— nari, heeseung. — the tall boy announced, greeting the two as if they were great partners. i mean, they really were, i just wasn't aware of his sudden closeness to my best friend. he looked at me, as if i were some kind of exotic animal he'd never seen before, and smiled after a while. — y/n, i see you're back. did you like boston?! — he said in a calm voice, barely able to understand his words in all the noise.

— busan, i went to busan. — i said out loud. boston?! for heaven's sake. he looked at me, his pupils more dilated than the milky way. well, at least he hadn't changed one bit. even though i wasn't his friend, all the students at seoul high knew about sunghoon's love for weed. and it was clear to see. he started laughing at himself. — yes, that's it, busan... did you like it?

i forced a smile, trying not to look unpleasant. — you have no idea. — he nodded, even though i was sure he hadn't heard a word i'd said. but it was okay, he seemed too drugged to understand, or drunk. i felt sorry for his stomach. and for him too, the next day he was going to wake up with a head heavier than a stone.

he exchanged a few more words with lee and disappeared like dust into the crowd, leaving the three of us alone again. nari approached me.

— hee and i are going to talk to the basketball team, do you want to come? — i tried my best to understand, the seoul accent not helping my thinking. the basketball team, although good at what they did, were too noisy for my liking. when they weren't disturbing everyone's class with the noise of their balls on the court, they were making a complete mess of the school corridors.

— no thanks sweetie, i'll be fine here. — i lied. no, i wouldn't be fine over there. i hardly knew anyone, not well enough to hang out at a party for a while. i wasn't even planning on drinking that night.

— are you sure?

— yes, don't worry, i'll call you. — i reassured her. did i even have a battery in my phone? i didn't even bother to check it before i left the house, what a responsible daughter i was.

she just smiled at me, probably tired of screaming in my ear, and the couple disappeared. i was completely alone now. i looked around. rihanna's "don't stop the music" was blasting everywhere, while all i could see was people rubbing up against each other. gross. i preferred to leave that pornographic scene and headed for the kitchen. well, at least the kitchen i remembered being in the house. i'd be pretty screwed if he'd changed the rooms.

i was hoping that the situation would ease up a bit in the kitchen, but it was the same, if not worse. people making out, kegs of beer in every corner, drinking games, some questionable attitudes, just another normal night in this house. i headed for the sink, where i hoped to find fresh water, which was all i needed at the moment. i don't know if i needed a glass or a whole barrel of it, but i definitely needed it. i filled a plastic cup, which was certainly covered in sexually transmitted diseases or questionable fluids, with water. i drank it in two seconds, not even realizing how thirsty i was.

i was about to put the second glass in my mouth when someone spoke up next to me.

— y/n. — someone spoke, and i immediately recognized that voice as more annoying than my algebra teacher. it was nishimura ri-ki, my seatmate. the most annoying person on this planet, universe if you ask me.

— in flesh and blood. — i tried to sound as nonchalant as possible with my answer, certainly failing. ri-ki was not only the most annoying person in the world, but also the most chatty. his soul was like that of a gossipy old lady, always talking. if she even said anything at all, it was only to pick on me.

— i can see my daily rest is over. — he said in a tone that was too sarcastic for my liking. i raised an eyebrow.

— i beg your pardon? who spends all their lessons talking about their lego cars instead of paying attention? — i asked, intrigued. he just laughed, something that wasn't very common in our regular conversations.

— that never happened. — he said resolutely. of course, it never happened. just as it never happened that he almost got kicked out of class for painting his fingernails. it definitely never happened.

— yes, ri-ki, that never happened. — he looked at me strangely, i probably looked crazy. his expression softened, and he quickly walked away with a slight smile.

— enjoy the party.

did nishimura ri-ki just smile at me? not to make fun of me, or laugh at my misfortune? boy, things were different around here. very different. i decided not to make a big deal out of it, i just assumed he was drunk too. i leaned against the bar and looked around, anxious for the time to leave.

i was bored, trying to recognize the faces around me, which by the way were all the same, despite slight changes, like how wonyoung was blonde or how jeno had stopped wearing his glasses. strange. i analyzed every corner of the room, remembering everyone who was there. i knew all the details of their lives, but they didn't even know my surname if they were lucky. if i hadn't become friends with nari, i probably wouldn't even be allowed in here…but god must have blessed me, he knew i'd been through enough humiliation. but it was still a bit of a shame. sitting on a balcony completely alone while everyone else seemed to be having the time of their lives wasn't much fun, nor was it new. it happened almost all the time, especially when i didn't have nari to distract me.

i was about to fall asleep leaning against the fridge when something caught my attention. in a far corner was a large group of boys, probably athletes due to the width of their shoulders. just like everyone else in there, they were getting drunk and definitely laughing out loud at something that shouldn't even be funny. it was a huge group, about 15 guys. i watched each one, fully remembering everyone. they were almost all part of jay, sunghoon and heeseung's group, which, by the way, was the most popular in high school. surprise? i don't think so. it was too clichéd, it felt like i was in a cheap version of high school musical. i'd like to believe that i was gabriella, but deep down i know that i was just an extra in other people's lives.

jesus, even that boy who barely opened his mouth, lee sohee, seemed to be integrating very well into that circle of friends. and soobin... hadn't he been transferred? i needed to catch up on the gossip urgently.

nothing was catching my eye apart from the large hickey on one of their necks, which didn't shock me at all, until i laid eyes on one of them.

suddenly, it felt like an electric charge all over my body, every hair standing on end. my heart, which was already heavy, accelerated to its maximum, bringing me close to a heart attack. it was like losing all the strength in my muscles at once, only not collapsing thanks to the support of the wall behind me. my lungs were deprived of air, causing me to gasp within seconds. it wasn't just any teenager, it was him.

his eyes met mine, and i could have sworn that for the tiniest second, the whole house fell silent. as if all the walls had shrunk and were crushing both my body and my soul. it was really him.

yang jungwon.

even in that dark crowd, i could see his features perfectly. my god, he looked exactly the same. perhaps a little darker, but it was still him. completely him. not an evil twin or a trick of my own mind, it was him. beautiful as always. my heart almost leapt out of my mouth when his smile fell as soon as he noticed me, as if i had sucked up all the happiness. well, i technically did. not at that moment, perhaps, but definitely a year ago, when i disappeared without a trace. when i left him hanging outside my house for hours, while i was already in another city. when i didn't answer any more of his messages. when i literally took his pure heart and shattered it into a thousand pieces.

the eye contact, which made me sick, only lasted a few seconds, as he immediately turned to his friends. but it was enough to make my emotions run wild. the regret of being there only tripled, i was about to throw up. all the memories of my actions were turning my stomach, it felt like i'd drunk a whole barrel of beer.

the world was about to collapse, i needed to get out of there urgently. i rushed outside, disoriented by the huge halls. i didn't even care about bumping into people anymore, i wanted them to fuck off. i just needed some fresh air to free my lungs, which were about to explode. i didn't have asthma, but i was faithfully considering a diagnosis. i ran in as clumsily as possible, narrowly escaping a glass of drink falling on me. don't these people have any manners?

when i finally reached a large balcony, it was as if a weight had been lifted off me. fortunately, i was alone. perfect. i sat down on the small purple sofa, crossed my legs and let myself sink into my thoughts. i was about to have a psychotic break.

yang jungwon, literally the love of my life, had pretended that my existence was null and void after a year without any contact. i mean, morally correct, he did more than he should have. if i had been in his position, i wouldn't even have bothered to look at myself. what was i expecting? a kiss and a bunch of flowers? after all the shit i've done? boy, i was really a fool. fool to believe that he would forgive me, if i didn't even believe it. i just talked myself out of it all year so that the guilt would subside. deep down, i knew i was more guilty than a murderer. and for a year, it was really the only thing i felt. something that consumed me every day in an exhausting way, eating me alive. just thinking about every call denied, every message ignored... my heart shrunk like a helpless animal.

i remember that day for the twentieth time.

it was early in the morning and i was clearly upset and fed up with my life. all i wanted to do was disappear, and so i did. no advance warning, nothing... i just vanished like magic into thin air. i tried to make excuses in my head, but there simply weren't any. i was just an idiot.

i was trapped inside my own head when i felt a hand on my shoulder. i flinched, startled by the sudden movement. i was about to punch person when i realized it was nari, great relief bursting from my lips.

— you’re here! i have been looking for you everywhere!

her face, which until then had been laughing, quickly turned into a sad expression when her eyes met mine. damn, was i that ugly for everyone to change their mood when they looked at me?

she sat down on the sofa next to mine, remaining silent for a few moments, with only the muffled sound of pitbull's "she doesn't mind" echoing in the background. i didn’t knew what to say.

— you saw him, didn't you? — those words came out almost as a whisper, as if she was afraid of my answer. i took a long pause.

— yes, i did.

— are you okay? — she asked calmly.

— i’m fine. — i said harshly. i didn't want to talk about it, because i knew i'd end up in tears. i didn’t want to be seen crying all over school on the first day back. actually, i didn't want to expose my feelings, because i knew that once i started, i'd never stop.

she came closer, enveloping me in a warm hug. god, i loved her hugs.

— you know i'm here for you, don't you? for everything. — she said firmly. i admired her so much.

— i know, nari, and i love you for it. but i'm fine, seriously. — she looked at me again. i knew that look. she felt sorry for me, as if i were someone without any hope. well, maybe i was. the hug lasted a few more seconds before i pulled away from her. the warmth of the hug quickly turned cold, the gentle wind giving me goosebumps. i was so focused on the situation that i didn't even notice it was freezing outside.

— he's in the garden. i saw him a few minutes ago. — and with that comment, she stood up and disappeared back into the crowd.

she knew perfectly well what she was doing, torturing me psychologically. she knew how much i wanted to talk to him, and how much i would fight against my will. if my impulses were faster than my neurons, i'd be out of here by now. but i couldn't, i just couldn't. i wanted it, oh god, i wanted it more than anything. but i couldn't. i just sat there, my ass already sore from sitting there for so long.

time passed and passed, and that thought didn't leave me for a second. i tried everything. i tried creating random couples on the dance floor, i tried counting how many blue plastic cups there were in that house... i really did. but it was swallowing me up.

i couldn't stand it any longer and got up.

fuck this shit.

i passed through the disgusting crowd once again, this time like a real hurricane. i was getting used to it. i ran as if my life depended on it, until i reached the garden.

just as my best friend said, there he was. on his back, leaning against one of the pillars of the house's white façade, watching the sky, which was full of stars. he was obsessed with astronomy. even from the back he was handsome. was that even possible?

once again, my heart began to beat excessively. my hands were shaking more and more with every step i took, my legs were weak. the desire to stay and the desire to flee were fighting each other in a brutal way. i needed to do that. i needed to find an end point. seeing my life flash before me, i leaned against his side.

— hi.

my voice came out trembling. i didn't dare look at him, but i could feel his eyes watching me, burning my face like lasers. i waited for an answer, but nothing came out of his mouth, as expected.

he took a packet out of his jeans pocket and took out a cigarette, lighting it in front of me. the act surprised me a little, as the jungwon i knew was the biggest hater of smokers. he was acting as if i wasn't even there. childish, but i couldn't judge him.

— ignorance game, got it. — i said it without thinking twice.

he let the air out of his lungs with extreme ease. the disgusting smell quickly reached my nostrils, making my nose twitch.

— i thought you liked that game. — ouch. the ease with which those words came out of his mouth hit me like a sharp knife. who was that and what had happened to my jungwon?

— i don’t.

— well…— he paused. —…i guess i was wrong.

— you are wrong about many things. — i attacked.

i was expecting a reaction, but all i heard was his laughter. even though i wasn't looking at him, i could picture his dimples perfectly.

— thank god that’s something that we both agree. — i didn't understand his metaphor.

silence quickly filled the garden again.

various things were going through my head, but no words seemed good enough to say out loud. i just wanted to end it once and for all. i turned to him, finally seeing his handsome figure, and then, at the speed of light, i let words slip out. i spoke so fast at that moment that i could easily be considered eminem's daughter.

— look, jungwon im sorry. i never meant to hurt y….

— stop. — his rough voice echoed at a higher volume, cutting off my speech in a harsh manner.

i tried again.

— no, let me apologize, i’m really sorr….

— i don’t need your apology for shit. — oh. he used a curse word. yang rarely used cuss words like that, it was a warning. he was pissed. i was fucked.

— i can explain, please…

— your explanation date has expired. — he just kept cutting off my hopes, one by one.

— please, just hear me! — the desperation was noticeable in my tone.

i was sure that if someone were watching this scene, they'd laugh at me. i was making a fool of myself. i looked like i'd gone back to the age of 5 and was asking my mother for ice cream in the supermarket. how pathetic.

— i’d rather be deaf than listen to your voice again. get the fuck out of here. — he was definitely losing patience. but i couldn't give up. each insult hurt me more.

— no jungwon, please, listen to me just for a second. — i was ready to kneel in front of him and kiss his feet. maybe i'd be stoned in a public square for my sins. i just needed him to listen to me, just once.

— if you dont go i will. — he gave me an ultimatum.

i wasn't going anywhere.

i stood there, about a meter away from him, static. i wasn't going to leave, not again.

realizing that i wasn't going to disappear from his sight, he just shook his head, turned on his heels and headed into the house. the roles were reversed. it would be comical if it weren't tragic.

my blood boiled. why the fuck was he being like this? i could feel the anxiety and fear being filled with anger. i was getting sick of it.

— so, its that? you just run from your problems? — i screamed with all my will, hoping it would reach his ears in the middle of all the noise.

he instantly stopped. it definitely hit him.

i saw his silhouette turn. he approached me slowly, without saying anything. i trembled completely. he seemed to be struggling with his own thoughts.

— who the fuck do you think you are? — it came out almost as a whisper. a gentle breeze that reached me like a hurricane.

i felt my insides squirm.

— excuse me? — i said, not believing it. i felt so tiny next to him.

— you heard what i said. — if looks could kill, i'd already be decomposing.

— who the actual fuck you think you are? do you think you are that important to come to this party wich, by the way, you werent even invited, and just decide that i exist again?

— you always existed to me.

— stop. im sick of your bullshit. — the only one who was sick there was me. i wanted to throw up.

— it’s not bullshit, i swear.

— oh really? thats not what it looked like in the last 12 months. — it was as if i had ripped the entire vocabulary out of my mind with that sentence. i didn't know what to say. i only could utter apologies.

— look, i’m so sorry, i didn’t meant to. i’m so sorry, i shouldn't have done that.

— no, you did the right thing. it made me realize who you really were. they only thing you shouldn’t had did was come back here.

i could feel the tears threatening to come out.

— i was very unhappy with myself, you can't imagine. i had family and addiction problems, all i wanted to do was get away from this place...i was losing my mind.

he laughed evilly.

— and you still have the nerve to accuse me of running away from my problems? i've realized what you are.

— what am i….?

— a fucking psycho. what did you think, hm? that you would come back and i would see you and your pretty face and run away to your arms? no y/n, im sorry to break your little fantasy, but that is not happening. im not doing this again. — he raised his voice, practically screaming at me. i could see how angry he was.

— you have to believe me, i never had the intentions….

— imagine if you had. — he laughed at his own joke. it was driving me crazy.

— i’m being serious jungwon, i never meant to hurt y…

— gosh you are so annoying! — he finally exploded. — for god’s sake! can’t you just take responsability for your actions and stop acting like a twelve years old for a moment in your life? stop trying to find excuses to it, just stop!

— i was stressed, okay?! my life was falling apart, i needed to go! — i was screaming too without even realizing it.

— right, how convenient of you.

fucker.

— you know what? it's not because your life is perfect that others have it too. it's not my fault that i wasn't born into the same world as spoiled rich people like you.

— my life is not perfect. — he shot back.

— oh really? i'm sorry, your life must be really bad for your only concern to be which car you're going to choose for your 18th birthday. i’m really sorry, it must be really hard for you, poor jungwon.

i vividly remember all the moments when i realized that yang and i were from different realities. like when he went to school by private car while i had to wake up every day at 5am to catch the bus, or when his bedroom was twice the size of my entire house. i always felt bad about it, even though he said it wouldn't change anything in our relationship. and it was true. but still, i felt bad everytime i stepped into that house. that seemed to move him. he briefly paused the discussion.

— yea, my life is fucking perfect. my mother died in a car accident three months ago and my family's company is close to bankruptcy. but you're right, my life is perfect.

i froze. i could feel his voice trembling. my god, poor jungwon. he loved his mother more than anything. mrs. yang was the sweetest person i knew, not counting her son. how come i didn't get this news? oh my god.

— i’m so sorry, i didn’t kn….

— that’s exactly your fucking problem! you didn’t knew! you didn’t even care to know! — he was in pain. he had every right to.

— don’t say that, i always cared about you!

— no the fuck you don’t, you only care about yourself. when things don't go your way, you cry like a baby. this is not a fairy tale, y/n!

my fist itched to punch him. he was being so cruel. but was he lying? no. i really was childish. there was nothing i hated more than not having my plans the way i wanted them to be, i lose a neuron every time something goes backfired.

— i’m telling you, i was in trouble. how many times do i have to repeat? — i was getting tired of screaming. my voice was already getting hoarse.

— and that’s how you deal with your shit?! you just run away without thinking about others? wow — he started clapping at me. — how empathetic of you.

— you wouldn’t understand me, i was afraid of telling you…— no i wasn’t. i just simply didn’t want to. i didn’t wanted to bother.

— i was your fucking boyfriend! that’s what we are supposed to do, be there for each other no matter what!

he couldn't get enough.

— i know it, i know you were! — i approached him, hoping to find some forgiveness in his eyes. but nothing, nothing but hatred.

— you’re right, i was there for everything. and if i wasn’t, was because you didn’t wanted me to. now let me ask, y/n. — he paused. — when was the last time that you were there for me?

he asked me the rhetorical question, remaining silent for a few seconds. — ‘cause if i can remember, you left me at my worst.

i had a lump in my throat. i could think of nothing. i couldn't do this for much longer. i was as fragile as a glass vase, about to break at any moment.

— i am so, so sorry. there hasn't been a day when i haven't thought about the shit i've done. please, i'm so sorry…— i grabbed his hand, hoping to find some sign of life in that dead love, some hope. but nothing, absolutely nothing. it was empty.

he stared at me for a few seconds, as if he were studying me. god... those eyes. they were the death of me. i kept stroking his hand, seeking warmth in the midst of his coldness.

for a moment, i could have sworn that something inside him changed, as if he had softened.

i was beginning to believe that his next move would be a kiss because of the way he approached me. i could hear my heart beating as loudly as the jbl speakers at the party. had i succeeded? had this story come to an end?

he let go of my hand.

— well, i hope that haunts you for the rest of your life. i hope it's on your mind every second, minute, hour, month, year, decade. i hope it torments you so much that it drives you insane. i hope you never forgive yourself, just as i don't. ever.

as always, all my expectations were violently snatched away from me by fate.

i was about to fall off the cliff, i mean, to be thrown off it.

— jungwon, it is not that deep. — the words came out of my mouth faster than my mind would let them. like a bucket of cold water, they fell on him like sharp knives.

his eyes filled with tears. i had hit rock bottom.

— not that deep, you said. — his voice broke. — y/n, i i loved you. did you even realize that? — he paused again. i was fighting back tears.

— i loved you with every bone, muscle and cell in my heart. i loved you with all my strength. i loved all your traits, both physical and psychological, even the ones you hated. i loved your fucking sensitive and stubborn personality. i loved your laugh and also the hilarious way you cry. i loved the way you tie your cords and the way you eat cereal in the morning. i loved you drunk, drugged, crying, sleepy and sick. i loved you from the moment i first saw you in the library. i loved you with my whole soul. and all you managed to do was kill that love.

tears rolled down his face like a real ocean, his face was red. even in that state he was the most beautiful boy i had ever seen. i didn't look any different, i had surrendered to my sadness from the moment he said the first three words. it was hurting me so much, more than any physical pain i've ever felt. not even breaking my leg in fourth grade made me cry so much.

— i loved you too, i loved you so much. — i confesed. i used to love him so much.

i still did.

he was the first and only boy i truly loved, with all my heart. he was the first boy i trusted with my body, my trust, my soul. he was the love of my life, but perhaps not the love for my life.

— no, you didn’t. because when you love someone, you don't do shit that hurts them. ever. and that's the only thing you knew how to do. — he was totally sobbing. we were like two children fighting over a toy.

— please, i know i hurted you, let me reward you. we can fix this, we can if we want…— i was so desperate. i couldn't let him go, i just couldn't.

he took a step back. shit.

— that’s the thing, i don’t want to. i never want to have anything to do with you again. i don't want to be near you, to breathe, to talk. i don't even want to exist in the same place as you never again in my life. do you hear me? i will ensure that your existence is as significant as an ant.

i felt like i'd just been hit in the back of the head with a brick. my vision was blurred, i was dizzy, helpless. my make-up was smeared and my hair was tangled.

it felt like my whole life had been sucked out of me.

it wasn't happening, it wasn't. it couldn't be happening. it had to be some kind of prank. the tears came out of me automatically, i almost drowned in them.

— now, do me and everyone in this town a favor and disappear. again.

and with that, he turned his back on me and went into the mansion.

— but i still love you. — i yelled one last time.

he stopped, and turned his head.

— that is your problem.

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via-the-cryptid · 1 year ago

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one of you, I don’t remember who but if it was you then here you go, mentioned Ellie befriending Ace. it took me a minute to realise that you probably meant the psychic little girl and not the pirate, but… now that I think about it, that’s actually a really good idea.

first off, I’m going to start by saying that I barely remember anything about Ace except hat she was super psychic, scared the Joker shitless once (good for her), and I think ended up dying as a result of her powers overloading her brain. I also remember Batman stayed with her until she died, but past that, nothing! so if my interpretation of her is off, well, that ain’t Via’s problem.

picture this: Ellie, approximately 14 in physical terms, only been alive for like a year or two. it’s post-Portal Incident II: The Reckoning, so her body is stabilized but her powers are going bat-crazy. she’s alone in an unfamiliar city with far too many restless spirits, being chased by actual supervillains, and she’s scared. maybe she ducks into an alley or hides in an abandoned building, and maybe one of those spirits was watching.

it’s been a long time since anything has caught Ace’s attention in the mortal realm. she likes to check in from time to time, see what’s happening as the world moves on without her, but it’s useless to linger over what she can’t affect. in the end, it only ever makes her miserable.

but sometimes, she can’t help but watch. sometimes, like today, she sees another little girl in trouble. she thinks, ‘she’s like me’, and she needs to know that this girl makes it through the night. even if she doesn’t, Ace still has enough power in death to show her a good dream before another ghost is added to Gotham’s countless number of lost souls. she follows the girl into the building, watches as she curls up in the corner, out of sight and barely there.

and then she looks straight at Ace.

“Did you want something?” Ellie asks, and she doesn’t break eye contact with the spirit floating in the doorway, even as her eyes go wide. “If you have unfinished business, I might be able to help, y’know, so long as you’re not trying to cause trouble.”

“You can see me.”

“Sure can. Kinda hard not to, your outfit’s pretty distinct.”

It’s the outfit she died in. Ace doesn’t really want to wear it anymore, not when she’s so far removed from that era of her life, but it isn’t like she knows how to.

“So,” Ellie says, “what’s your deal? Are you just here to watch it are you picking a fight? ‘Cause I’ll warn you, I don’t know how to play poker and everyone else so far has refused to reach me.”

Ace blinks. “I’m not here to fight with you.”

“Okay, cool. Are you… here to fight someone else?”

“No. I was watching you.”

“Well, that’s a bit unsettling.”

“You were alone, and you looked cold. I had to make sure you weren’t going to die in here.”

“Again?” Mutters Ellie, and Ace’s expression snaps from intrigued to guarded in less than a second.

“What does that mean?” She asks, glaring right at Ellie, and the other girl grimaces.

“Did not mean to say that one out loud. Okay, so hi, I’m Ellie, and basically I’m dead—”

“What? No, you’re not. I would be able to tell if you were dead.”

“Half-dead, then. I was a clone OFA guy who was half human and half ghost, ‘cept I was falling apart, so I decided to fix it by doing the same thing he did to become half-ghost, and I ended up standing inside a portal to the Ghost Zone while it was opening. Make sense so far?”

Ace’s jaw is dropping, but she can’t seem to find it in herself to care. “Half-dead.”

“Oh, we’re still stuck on that, then. Basically, if you— actually never mind, I don’t really know how it works. I can turn from ghost to human, if that helps.”

“How?” Ace whispers. “You said you were… falling apart. And a clone. And half-dead.”

“Well, now I’ve got two out of those three, since I fixed the first problem. Do you want to maybe sit down or something? This is gonna be a long story if you want the whole thing.”

Yes, she absolutely does. Ace float across the room and settles in next to Ellie, folding her knees up to copy the other girl’s pose. “My name is Ace.”

“Nice to meet you, Ace. I’m Ellie. Wait, I think I said that already.”

Somewhere on the other side of Crime Alley, unknowing of the two girls hidden away in a long-forgotten corner, Edward Nygma slams his head down on the desk as he once again fails to pinpoint the location of the mysterious white-haired girl.

#dani phantom #danielle phantom #danny phantom #dc comics #ellie phantom #ace batman #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #edward nygma #the riddler #Gotham Ghost AU

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crazycurly-77 · 3 months ago

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Memory Loss - Chapter 14

Back at home after work you thought like going crazy. You should trigger Gibbs’ memories and you would be very glad, if he remembered again. But how will he react to all that happened between you?

If he didn't want to see you and work with you anymore. What should you do without him and without your job?

How should you be able to go back to normal without hugging and kissing him? Without sleeping comfortably in his arms?

Without simply being with him?

You had no idea, but it will be torture and that was sure.

You dreaded the day when his memory will return. How will he react to you and to all of this? How will things go further?

Only one thing was sure, all had changed and never will be the same again.

And when his memories were back the burden of the drama was over. But was it a play? In the beginning, yes. Until it became reality.

You didn't know what to do and just wanted to talk to someone, so you phoned Ducky.

Crying all the time you poured your heart out with the conclusion “I can't do this anymore!”

He talked to you calmingly and made you hope that all will be well in the end so that you were able to proceed further to help Gibbs as best as possible.

You just said goodbye as Gibbs came and put his arms lovingly around you.

“You seem to be upset. Just come inside and let's cuddle and talk. You'll see everything will work out in the end.”

Just as you wanted to answer Gibbs’ phone rang. He sighed, let go of you and went to get the call, stating “Gibbs”.

Whoever it was, he talked his ear off and he was not amused.

This would surely take a while, so you walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

You turned on your favorite music and startet to cook while dancing around.

You didn't notice that you were being watched.

Gibbs had ended the phone call, walked to the kitchen too and now stood there and watched you absolutely fascinated.

Slowly he moved to you, pulled you into his arms and began to sway to the music.

You danced with your arms tightly wrapped around each other. Engrossed in your own little world you kissed. Your kisses were cautious at first, but became more and more passionate.

His hands slowly wandered under your shirt over the soft skin of your belly to the base of your breasts and finally, his hands cupped your breasts longingly.

Suddenly, you teared yourself away from him, ran crying into the bathroom and slammed the door behind you.

You were shocked, aroused and totally despaired at the same time and you cried and cried and cried.

Gibbs however stood in the kitchen, completely confused by what had just happened. He couldn't understand and shake away the image of your tear-stained face in front of him, and he no longer understood the world.

Assuming that you needed time for yourself and to sort yourself out from whatever, he went into the basement and spent the whole night building his boat, trying to understand you and shake the feeling that you kept secrets from him.

He fell asleep while building the boat and was already at work when you woke up. This time there was no message for you anywhere.

You saw each other at work, but apart from a few brief instructions he ignored you.

You wondered what's going on. Did he hear you talking to Ducky on the phone yesterday?

Something was definitely wrong, because he was pulling away from you.

After work he ate on the way home and when he got home he changed, went straight to the basement and worked on the boat.

You came to him, snuggled up to him and tried to convince him to watch a movie with you because you missed him and you wanted to tell him a few little facts, but he snapped.

He pulled you to him, kissed you hard and pushed you back so that you were trapped between the boat and him.

He kissed along your neck and pushed your shirt up and over your head. Then he took off his own shirt and kissed you full of lust and passion. You couldn't help but tremble and moan under his skilled hands and fiery kisses. Satisfied with your reaction, he smiled as he kissed the top of your breasts and whispered "I love you. I love you so much."

This teared you out of the fog of passion and you pushed him away, panting heavily.

He stood in front of you, just as breathless, trying to understand what's going on.

"Jethro..." you whispered, trembling.

"No. Let it be," he said slightly angry, huffed out and tried to compose himself.

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, then went upstairs, changed his clothes and took his keys. Just before he leaved the house, he looked at you coldly and hurt and said "don't wait for me."

(To be continued...only 2 chapters remaining)

--------------------------------------------

Tags: @ilovemark1951, @hobby27

#ncis #jethro gibbs x reader #gibbs #leroy jethro gibbs #gibbs x reader #leroy jethro gibbs x reader

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jackalopetrope · 9 months ago

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I'm experiencing The Locked Tomb again, and the Second Reading (or listening in my case, I'm doing audio books this time), is absolutely DELICIOUS. It's like, a whole different book. Littered with details that couldn't possibly be enjoyed without having read the subsequent story beforehand!!

I've had to pause and jot some things down just because they make me feel ways (this is obviously full of spoilers):

In Chapter 6:

1) Aiglamene is teaching Gideon how to wield a rapier and tells her, her hands "Shouldn't be twins, but sisters", that they have different roles, but should be aware and support each other or something. And I was, Tamsyn are you sending me secret messages about the Third?

2) Harrow is speaking to the congregation and Gideon is thinking about how full of shit she is, but then Harrow says something like how no one will ever love the Ninth like she does, that "her heart is interred here", and Gideon is like well actually that bit sounded sincere. Oh boy. It sure is Harrow. Sounds like Ninth Poetic Gothic Nonsense, but in Hindsight, really quite literal. Well done Muir.

3) This one is a little less direct but when Gideon realizes she may never return to the Ninth and thinking that that somehow makes it seem fragile, that by turning her back on it, not looking at it, it might fall apart. Likes she's destroying it... Omg 😰 Just sort of rang like a precursor to how she felt about Harrow "turning her back on her" with the lobotomy y'know?

4) So Harrow and Gideon are getting on to the shuttle to Canaan and tension is high, they are not happy with each other and Harrow says "I want to watch you die", and Gideon, just super hyped to finally be escaping, smugly saying "Well you won't do it here." (Here being the ninth) 😭 Tamsynnn

Chapter 9:

When Ianthe catches Gideon hiding in dark, listening in on the third, she refers to "the necromancer of the third house", necromancer SINGULAR. Nice little drop there.

Chapter 14:

Harrow says "I'm not equipped to deal with a spirit attached to a live nervous system, you're so noisy!", implying Harrow is equipped to deal with spirits NOT attached to live nervous systems, like say, a bunch of dead kids haunting you???

Chapter 15:

Harrow says "She never liked that cursed thing anyway" in regards to Gideons longsword, said she always felt it was "judging her". Which is a weird thing to say about a sword Harrow

Also my current crazy theories that may debunked during this book or the next two because I don't remember all the lore:

1) Teacher is John? The colorful belts and the bracelets mentioned on Ianthe and Kiriona are like... Control belts or something. John needed a way to "be" on that planet without going to the system. John got hyper paranoid after all his Lyctors betrayed him, and wanted security measures on his Princes?? Like clearly he isn't aware of what they doing all the time, but maybe he can, remote in? Idk. Crazy theory.

2) Cytherea is the only reason Gideon made it through the aversion trial. Or Harrow rather, because I'm not convinced Gideons body didn't die. (Or do her escape death trick). During that sequence Gideon starts throwing up blood and seems like it's going to end very quickly then Dulcinea is like No! And the blood dries up, and the soul sucking pain is described as moving around Gideons body... I don't think Harrow would be experienced enough to adjust her siphoning like that. Also Dulcinea was clearly very intent on that key. At first I thought in half memory of the scene that maybe she was just interested in seeing if Gideon COULD survive the trial. But I don't think she cared who got her that key really.

Idk! I'm only on Chapter 20 of Gideon. I've gone completely nuts about these books.

#the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #the locked tomb spoilers

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imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese · 22 days ago

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Destinytober24: Day 14 - Grief

Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there

A different perspective? The fuck she on about? I am the absolute last person you wanna talk to about that. Only thing I know about dealin' with grief is what not to do.

That three-eyed witch has done more to help me in the last few years of talkin' to her than I was able to deal with on my own in almost nine centuries. The hell she think I'm gonna give you that you can't get from her? All I know is all the ways it goes wrong.

Grief will make you go crazy, Brother. Absolutely batshit-crazy.

Go without eating for long enough your stomach starts to digest itself tryin' to chew on something. You find a starving man out in the wild and serve him a full three course meal and you know what happens? He pukes it right up. Stomach can't handle it. He needs to eat. He's literally starving. And he can't keep it down. His body gets so used to not eating and chewin' on itself from the inside out, it don't know what real food even is any more.

Grief gnaws a hole in who you are. It takes everything you used to love and twists it. It takes everything you think used to make you happy and taints it till you don't know what happiness even is any more. You don't even remember what it's like.

You find a man eaten alive by grief and you show him love and kindness and what does he do? He can't handle it. Might turn on you, use it to hurt you, use it to benefit himself and leave ya high and dry. Maybe he'll kill you and take everything you got before you can do the same to him. Maybe he'll just watch you die with cold dead eyes because he don't feel nothin' and nothin' matters any more.

Best case scenario? He runs the fuck away. Takes a new name. Becomes someone else. And you know what else he does? He don't want anyone to be nice to him again. Sure as fuck don't want anyone to love him. So he stops lookin' after himself. Doesn't clean up after himself. Doesn't wash. Practices being an asshole till he's real good at it. Trains himself to lie and cheat and be the most untrustworthy fucker to ever walk around on two legs. Does his level best to make sure if anyone tries to get close that they regret it.

Grief will turn you into something else, Brother. Grief will make you a monster. You gotta figure out how to deal with it or it will deal with you. Trust.

I got no idea why she told you to talk to me. I am not the person to talk to about this shit unless you wanna know why you have to figure out how to deal with it healthy before it deals with you unhealthy and turns you into… Just don't go there, Brother. Find a better way.

Find yourself an Eris Morn. Someone who gets you. Who understands. Someone you can't lie to. Someone who… when you're with them you feel that sliver of something that reminds you of what hope is supposed to be like. Someone who makes you feel like… like maybe you want to feel again. Someone you can't walk away from. Someone you can't leave behind. Someone who makes the noise in your head stop and your mind calm and lets you feel like you can breathe again.

All the alcohol in the world won't do it. Trust me, I've tried. And desensitizing yourself to pain don't do it, because I tried that too. Distraction seems like it helps a little at first, but after a while you're just chasing one high after another because it never works as well as it used to, and it's never quite enough.

You gotta fix that shit before it gets to ya. Make friends while you still can. Keep 'em even if they ain't perfect. Even if they piss you off. Don't drive 'em away. It's so much harder to find a friend once you've gone too long without and turned yourself into something no one wants to be a friend to.

I guess, there is one thing I can tell ya about grief, Brother. Nine centuries of experience talkin' here: You can't do it alone.

You'll think you can. You'll think you can tough it out or suck it up or whatever bullshit you try and tell yourself. But you can't. If there was a way of dealin' with it on my own I'd have found it by now. It don't exist.

Ya gotta reach out. Find at least one person. I'm not talking about finding someone to fuck, although… it can be, and that's nice, but what you need is to find someone you can trust. Even if you don't trust 'em yet. Find someone you can trust eventually, and then work on it and build a relationship until you're at the point where you can.

More than one is better. But you need at least one. Someone you can talk to and not hide anything. Someone who helps you listen to yourself. Someone who can hold your tears and cherish them for what they are, not what they ain't. Someone who won't turn away no matter how shitty it gets.

And if you don't have it, because I sure as hell didn't… The thing I didn't know, the thing I didn't get for so long, was you need to build it: piece by piece. Real careful. Real slow. You need to find someone and build that thing with them. And if they ain't right, cuz first time's often aren't, then you find someone else.

Worst thing you can do for grief is be alone. You think you need to get away but that's not what you need.

You ever freeze to death, Brother? It's like that. When you start not bein' able to feel anything it seems like a good thing because then you don't feel as cold, but that's actually the warning signs. When you get numb and don't feel your fingers any more it's not too far off before they freeze solid and snap right off. Whole parts of who you are just… shatter. And you don't even notice. You can't feel 'em any more. You don't even remember what it's like to even have toes, never mind wiggle 'em. You're so grateful not to deal with the pain you don't even notice you snapped your whole foot off a while back and can't walk any more. Tryin' to deal with grief on your own is like that.

You need someone who will sit with you when you can't speak and just be there. Someone who tells you that what you do now matters more than who you were. Someone who you can care about more than yourself.

Without it you're fucked. And I don't mean give up if you don't have it. I mean get off your ass and go build it. Like right fuckin' now.

Moondust knows all this shit. I dunno why she told you to talk to me about it. Fuck, I should call her. See how she's doing. Maybe piss her off a little.

Nah. I'll just go see her right now. I miss that three-eyed grumpy face. I'll bring her dinner. She always forgets to eat.

And that's another thing: Care for someone. If you don't care emotionally - or you can't, cuz I've been there, Brother, sometimes you just can't - then just start doing shit that helps people even if you don't feel it. Way better distraction than sex or the best drugs you can find - not that those aren't fun, mind you. Just… find someone that needs a win, and do what you can to get them there.

Now I don't mean you need to go around bein' a white knight saving drowning War Beast puppies or whatever. (Although if you do see War Beast puppies drowning you should help 'em. When they grow up they're good as a backup food source in a pinch.) No one needs to know what you done and it's fine if it helps you too. In fact, helping yourself is helping someone. But, when you're really into it, it's easier to help someone else.

Grief will overwhelm you. And it'll do it when you least expect it. If you can't stop hurting, find someone else and help them hurt less. Sometimes it helps take your own pain down a notch. Sometimes it doesn't. But even if it doesn't, then at least you done something that wasn't shitty. Helps to balance out the universe a little, ya know?

Moondust told me that too. I'm… I need to go see her.

Come by later if you want. Gambit's goin' late tonight. Got a full roster. Should be one hell of a firefight. You can join in or just sit and watch the show. Guardians are always welcome aboard the Derelict, even if you just wanna chill or vent or whatever, but right now I… I gotta go.

Link to the entire month's worth of prompts on Ao3, posted daily.

#destinytober24 #destinytober #destinytober 2024 #destiny 2 #drifteris #eris morn #the drifter #the drifter/eris morn #drifter/eris #ao3 #fanfiction #writing #grief #sad drifter is sad #imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese #cs member writing

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steveinscarlet · 25 days ago

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I tried to scan the main ol' crazy eyes Joe picture but he was too big to properly fit in the scanner so this is the best I could do

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BRINGING UP BABY

Joe Elliott doesn't want children - he's got enough on his hands nursing a billion dollar baby called Def Leppard. Mat Snow hears why arguably the world's most successful rock 'n' roll band can still stroll down the street without being recognised. Pictures by Peter Anderson

BY THE time you read this, you'll know something that was on the cards a couple of weeks ago but by no means a dead cert.

That is whether the British Phonographic Institute, in all its majesty and wisdom, opened an envelope at the black tie, gala dinner and announced that the award for Rockin' Pneumonia, Boogie-Woogie Flu And All-Round Fabness goes not to Brother Beyond, Yazz, nor even Bros, but to a bunch of blokes who won't see 25 again and who play guitars, drums and stuff often quite loud.

Yes, you will know now what Def Leppard's Joe Elliott and I didn't know then whether there will be a BPI BRITS Award for Best British Band decorating his parents' mantelpiece.

"Def Leppard winning anything is hilarious," he chuckles. "It's nice to be nominated, but we're never going to win anything. We're a stick-in-the- mud heavy metal band - Long 'air and jeans: we can't vote for them, can we?"

JOE ELLIOTT is in mellow mood. After nearly three months off, following the highly lucrative but tiring 14-month Hysteria tour, he at last has time to chew the fat back home in a beautiful bay just outside Dublin, where he is spending his 'year out' of the UK for tax reasons.

Unlike the other four Leps, who get itchy after only three weeks off the road, Joe needs the time to lounge around, catch up with his listening and watch a few videos.

"I've been revelling in the fact that I've been able to get a sore throat and it doesn't matter!"

A week in the sun apart, Joe has not been neglecting his career as the mouthpiece of arguably the most commercially successful rock 'n' roll band in the world today.

There will be rehearsals for the new album. (Robert 'Mutt' Lange, the so-called 'sixth Lep', will not be producing). Hopes are high that it might be in the shops sooner than 1991, given that their two previous albums, 'Pyromania' and 'Hysteria', have been beaten only by Michael Jackson in terms of how long we've had to wait between releases - and how many copies we've gone out and bought. But, right now, Joe has the luxury of reflecting on his place in the scheme of things.

It seems that what he ultimately craves is to be recognised as one of the true rock greats, on a par with the people who turned him on in the first place, back when he was a soccer- crazy, only child growing up in Sheffield, when he was a bored youth maintaining stocks of grinding wheels and oil rags for Osborne Mushet Tools.

Back then, people like Alice Cooper, Jethro Tull, T Rex and, especially, Mott The Hoople kept him sane. Def Leppard's record company, Phonogram, have signed Ian Hunter and it's the best news Joe's had all year.

His list of heroes includes just about everybody who made a raucous noise in the '70s his years of yearning to escape the humdrum world of work and home. That need is still Joe's guiding force so he won't be taking a cue from his friend Jon Bon Jovi's 'New Jersey' and calling his next album 'South Yorkshire'. "Can you imagine it?" he guffaws.

"Ian Hunter summed it up brilliantly in his book Diary Of A Rock 'N' Roll Star - 'I left my heart in Watford?' How can you sing about Scunthorpe or Huddersfield?

"Let's face it, everybody would say, Fair play for doing it - but they'd laugh at it whether they were fans, journalists or friends. I remember when Saxon had this song called 'Northern Lady', and it just stank. Leave it out! Jesus Christ! Flat caps and Yorkshire pudding is the impression people get, even though we all know it's not like that. "They don't all keep pigeons, which is what a lot of people south of Nottingham seem to think. There's no romance, no beaches in Sheffield. A car chase in San Francisco is always going to look better than one through Hackney. But then they could never have Sherlock Holmes in America. It's a different world.

"I'd sooner go for the British approach, which is totally ambiguous: it doesn't say anything, it doesn't mean anything," Joe goes on. "I can't even describe what half the bloody songs are about; they just sound alright. You are what you listen to. You explain what T Rex's lyrics are about. If you can figure his out, then you can figure mine out. 'Hub-cap diamond star halo' means more to me than 'I went down to the river', I'm afraid. People can relate to that Springsteeny thing but, to me, T Rex made your imagination work harder.

"If I wrote from experience, I don't think it would sound very good me singing about the last five-a-side soccer game I had.

"Whenever I sing about women, it's always invented," says Joe, rebutting the charge of sexism which, in fact, I hadn't levelled at him.

"Who's to say that the honkytonk woman ever existed? It could have been a complete figment of Jagger's imagination. I used to write from personal experience don't think I never have.

"On the second album, we wrote about all sorts of stories; Steve (Clark) once hijacked a taxi in Paris and tried to write a song about it. But it just sounded like a piece of shit, so we scrapped it, rewrote the lyrics, made them up, and it was a lot better."

SO, IF not 'South Yorkshire', S perhaps 'Catatonia'? 'Schizophrenia' (a double- album)? Or (Bob Geldof's suggestion) 'Paranoia'? Another psychological disorder, surely?

"Probably," reckons Joe. "It was a complete coincidence, the last two. 'Hysteria' was an idea Rick (Allen) came up with. It was after all the stuff with his accident. The first time we ever seriously experienced it was on the '83 tour, and it got pretty close to it two days after his accident - the reception area of the hospital was teeming with newspaper reporters and kids. And, because we weren't all that popular in England at the time, it made it appear more massive. Rick was on the front page of the Daily Star - and there were all these journalists, like Rick was The Queen or lan Botham. We had to be snuck in through the f***in' laundry chute to go and see him! "I always imagine that Fish - and I'm not knocking the guy - has everything worked out in advance: This is the album title, here's the sleeve - now let's go write the music. The last thing we have is the album title; we panic so much. "Hysteria' was going to be called 'Animal Instincts' at one stage: then we thought that sounded really stupid. We had the sleeve ready, so that was four grand down the drain. It just wasn't right - so we used it for the book instead."

Having repeated, even exceeded, the success of the hard-to-match 'Pyromania' album with 'Hysteria', Joe has found that the way to cope with sky-high expectations is to ignore them.

"I have no doubts about the next album," he declares. "I'm not 100 per cent sure that it'll be as big as the last one, though it may be a better record. Much of it is down to timing. I don't believe success should be based on sales. But everywhere you look it's figures, figures, figures.

"Success should be judged on the sound of the bloody thing. I'm not worried about it. We'll make a record and put it out, and it'll do whatever it does."

What about the live act? "We've had a few approaches from the States to go back and do some shows this summer. Believe it or not, 'Hysteria"s gone back up in America the album's doing better now than when we were out there. It's been 'Top Five in three different years - '87, 88 and now '89.

"Anyway, I was talking to Adam Clayton about it the other day, and he said, You've got to be careful because where do you go from stadiums? What do you do go back to clubs? "That's why we have managers. We have opinions, but we don't have our finger on the pulse like they do. We're too busy trying to sing in tune, play the songs and look cool like a pop band is supposed to do and still keep an eye open so you don't get ripped off. But you can't be a master of all trades.

"When does a spectacle become untoppable? It doesn't. You do a gig on the moon and put the PA on Pluto... Satellite gigs? Hologram gigs? Put the audience in the middle and us outside!"

ON TOUR, the Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses and Love And Rockets albums never left cassette deck. Back home, the Irish magazine Fresh has asked Joe for a fan's-eye view of the new releases.

"I played the Lou Reed album ten times and, in my opinion, it ain't 'Transformer', it ain't 'Sally Can't Dance', it's not 'Coney Island Baby' and it's definitely not 'Berlin'. Every song's about f***ing New York! All about some guy with needles in his arms! "But I grew up with 'Transformer', which came out when I was 12. And 'Berlin' was really depressing but great to listen to in the bath. The new one sounds like demos, which has a sort of charm, but some of it's a bit weird. That song, 'Last Great American Whale' I can't make my mind up whether it's a piece of shit or it's genius. He just talks it he makes Mark Knopfler sound like the guy out of Foreigner. Very strange."

Fine Young Cannibals' "The Raw And The Cooked' gets short shrift from Joe: "I'll never forgive them for slaughtering the Buzzcocks". As for Blondie's remix album, 'Once More Into The Bleach', it's "awful".

The new Supremes compilation is another matter: "F***ing brilliant," Joe raves. "To hear 'Nathan Jones' the way I remember it, not the way f***ing Bananarama slaughtered it. I got my first snog to that song, under the stairs at the Top Rank in Sheffield in 1971, Saturday morning youth club."

Joe advises me to check out The Hooters and The Quireboys; I recommend The Replacements - right up his street. But Joe (29) is of an age to get his real kicks from the stars of yesteryear.

"I've met Jagger at the studio. He was great he kept stealing our f***ing newspapers! Have you got the Daily Mirror? I want to do the crossword.

"Robert Plant came to see us in Chicago. He was great. When we played in the round we used to go on in laundry baskets. His tour manager bet him ten dollars he wouldn't push one out. So he put a hat on, pair of shades, stuffed his tour jacket full of jumpers to make him look fat, and pushed it out to the middle of the stage, right through the audience! "It's funny because he's a Leo as well, and Jagger. All frontmen are Leos," Joe muses. "Those detailed analyses of your star sign tell you things you often don't like to hear. 'Capable of being childish' - I suppose I am. 'Always has to be the centre of attention' well, when it suits me. "Sometimes I just like to bury myself, but that's what my gig is, that's what everybody wants: a big, loud, bloody... you know. "But Jagger's the best; he's got the lips of an elephant on the body of a dwarf. Brilliant. The ultimate frontmen are those you can caricature in cartoons - Jagger, Steve Tyler, Rod Stewart, Bowie, Townshend, Meat Loaf, Alice Cooper... You couldn't really draw me but it doesn't seem to have hindered our success.

"To be honest, once you're as big as we are and you don't have those sort of features, it's nice. I don't have to send the maid out to buy the News Of The World. I can walk down Oxford Street."

So what is the secret of Def Leppard's success?

"Most people in bands have got families, and maybe that's the reason we have the success we have: nobody's married or got kids," reasons Joe.

"I can't see Phil (Collen) starting a family when he hasn't even got a home. And I definitely have no desire to be a father.

"The only times I've ever thought about it have been provoked by TV documentaries like World In Action. I seriously think I would rather adopt an eight-year-old Brazilian kid and give it a real good start in life.

"There's enough kids without me bringing another one into the world. And to be quite honest, after my mumps I don't know if I can!

"I can miss out the nappy stage, which I'd detest. And I don't like the idea of a nanny bringing the kid up because you might as well not bother; you might as well buy one. "I don't want a kid; the band's too much of a bloody baby!"

#def leppard #joe elliott #sounds magazine #my scans

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