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cupoftaae · 2 years ago

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Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ fondness (chapter 16)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5-6k

warnings- swearing, mentions of miscarriage, tae is sad sad, kaito is back, drinking, um i think thats all? lmk if not!

a/n- Lovies!! hi i hope ur all doing good. Im trying to write a lot more because i literally just quit my current job (they treated me like shit) after 2 months. Im applying to so many places rn but in the meantime im having fun giving my tumblr a little luv <3 also apologies for any mispellings, I had read over my previous chapters and cringed at some of the words I spelled wrong. I have been learning english for years now but apparently its still not to a 100, oh well! Anyways, please enjoy! -Nini <3

"I had my suspicions"

You blushed, eyes down on your water bottle as you sat in your childhood bed again, your mother sat comfortable at the end of it as you both talked.

You arrived back home around 2am yesterday, and to say that you already felt a little better was an understatement.

"you did?" you mumbled as your mother nodded, smiling.

"when you came to visit a while ago, I saw a lot of touchiness" she giggled "but I minded my business"

"ah this is embarrassing" your hands flew to cover your face, now knowing your own mother knew about your relationship before you could say anything.

"no, I dont think so" she hummed, looking at the carpet. "I just know when a boy is in love, i remember your father-"

you inhaled sharply at her words, biting your lip and looking away.

"-...he would always look at me like I was the center of the universe"

You stayed quite for a moment before speaking up softly, "what happened?"

She smiled sadly, "he chose a different life, and I resented him for so long, but I accept it for what it was, and now that I have..I feel like im free to live again. And thats what you need to do, accept it, accept whats happened." she whispered, calming voice infiltrating the bedroom at such a late hour of the night.

Your eyes met hers, a glimmer of love was bright enough to see through her dark brown orbs. You nodded as she began to speak again,

"Taehyung and you.....I always knew it would happen" she giggled, "I remember once you guys hit middle school, and the moment I caught you sneaking into my closet for makeup before he came over to play video games-"

"oh god, stop" you blush, shaking your head

"it was cute even if you wouldnt admit it" your mother waved her arm at you.

You hummed, crossing your arms over your chest as you got lost in thought.

"so, how is he taking everything?"

"taehyung?"

she nods, eyes burning a laser into yours.

"well...i dont know" your answer was honest as she sat up.

"what do you mean?"

You sighed once more before speaking, "he and I kinda argued before I left paris...im an asshole mom" you offered a sad laugh, looking down. "im an asshole...because, I got mad at him for trying to help"

She tilted her head, listening, "Im sure he just wanted to be there for you, he was hurting as much as you"

"i know, and thats the thing mama...but I just needed to be alone and away....and he got mad when I expressed it...its not like we are married" you roll your eyes

she giggles, "I understand my dove, but listen" she grabbed your hands, "things like this happen all the time, we cant run away from our loved ones when life gets bad. What happened between you both was terrible, and im so sorry sweetheart" she whispered, your own eyes getting a bit misty, "but running back home isnt gonna do anything"

You nodded before smiling, "I came here because its comforting, you're comforting.....now you're scolding me?" your voice had humor.

She laughed, "you are a 23 year old woman, I cant control your actions, like whether you stayed with Taehyung or came back to me, however I can tell you my opinion, and if your decision was right or wrong, not trying to guilt you, just being a mom"

You nod slowly, fidgeting with the heating pad sitting on your stomach to help ease the lasting cramps that only served as a painful reminder.

"you make your own choices hun, but...let me ask you this, do you love him?" she whispered

Your eyes shot up at her, your heart singing with sadness yet love.

"....yeah.." you whispered so quietly it was barley heard. "yeah I do" you couldnt help but begin to cry as she wrapped you into her arms.

A mothers loving embrace.

It could heal all, and this is exactly why you came back.

"You find comfort here, but as you get older, you need to find comfort in new things." your mother began, " life is scary, but its all about changing. Without change, life would be rather boring, huh?" her hands ran up and down your back as your face rested on her shoulder. "Taehyung has been here forever, youve grown together, but these new feelings? they offer new experiences,...amazing ones too. Im sure he loves you just as much, thats why he let you go..." she whispered, "but my dear, you have to fight through the darkness to find the prize, to find why you had the connection at all"

You were full on Niagara falls into your mothers sweater. Her words provided insight, but as well as pain. You shouldnt have left him behind, it was wrong, and you hoped he understood.

you realized that you were your fathers daughter, and not just in DNA. Your first instinct was to run away from your loved ones, run away from family when they would give you everything.

You were becoming your father.

And you hated how much you still loved that man even if he left you. and you hate that you take after him in such painful ways.

But most of all...you hate how you didn't even see it happening.

"shh" your mother cooed, holding you as she rocked back and forth slowly. "my child, life will settle, but you need to find your way, and if thats with him, you need to tell him"

"i know" you whispered, wiping your eyes as you clutched the tiny bear you packed.

The bear.

Fuck, you wish you didnt bring it in your suitecase.

It was the teddy bear taehyung bought the day after finding out you were pregnant, The perfectly placed initial on the middle that always made you remember he thought of you as a Kim, as well, even if you werent married.

It was a reminder he wanted you in any way he could grasp you.

As a girlfriend, a mother to his child, eventually a wife, but always....always his best friend in life.

Your mother looked down at the bear, smiling. "y/n..."

"hm?" you mumbled, leaning back as she put your hair behind your ears.

"im so sorry this happened to you" her voice was quiet again, "you would have been a beautiful mother....and if you decide to have kids in the future, thats exactly what youll be"

You nod sadly, "thank you...."

It was quiet for a moment before she spoke up again, "when I was in my twenties, your father and I decided to try and have another child..we saw how you clung to your pre-school friends and called them your sisters" she chuckled "so we thought maybe another baby would be good. Well- I got pregnant right before your 4th birthday" her voice choked softly as you watched, this being news to you.

"unfortunately I, too, had lost it" she teared up explaining the situation. "it was one of the most painful things I ever went through....but looking back at it" she smiled at you gently, rubbing your back, "im so greatful"

"grateful?" you whispered, in shock

"I had you, my little best friend whos always stuck by me even in the worse situations...you never had to fight for my attention, we were always together"

You wiped her tears as you smiled sadly, agreeing.

"and you have always been more than enough." she mumbled, "so my love, I guess the lesson here is...that once you learn to accept it and know the situation for what it is.....you'll heal"

You hugged her tightly as her words struck your chest with a great force.

She was right, whether you liked her advice or not, shes been through exactly what you have, and if she can make it out and be such a wise, resilient woman today, than you can too.

But you'll be damned if its in the steps of your father.

Later after she went to bed, you were left alone, the covers up to your neck as the tv played some old school tv show that only got airtime in the late hours of the night.

You found your hand resting on top of your stomach as you laid calmly. You had to acknowledge it to get past it. "im not pregnant anymore..." you whispered, feeling an overwhelming sadness fulfill you. Your eyes drew down to your hand as you rubbed your stomach, feeling a bit stupid at what you were doing.

taking a few deep breathes, you opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling, "its okay to be sad....its okay to cry" you remind yourself aloud, voice quiet and shaky, "but I can heal....its not my fault" you nod, tears falling for the millionth time within the past few days.

You were exhausted, mentally and physically, but after tonight you feel like perhaps you made a breakthrough, you were proud of yourself even if it was just a baby step.

You turned over in bed to look at your phone, the time was 3:55 am, yikes.

You barley had time to register it before the lock screen caught your attention, now all you could think about is how Taehyung was feeling.

"why are you already back?"

"dude just give me my fish and dog so I can go" Taehyung mumbled, standing at the front of his friend Jin's apartment.

He laughed and turned away for a moment before returning with Hae swimming around in his tiny tank, the packet of food wedged underneath jins chin. "here"

Taehyung took the bowl and the food, nodding "thanks..."

"mhm" he smiled, "so wheres Y/N? The last thing you posted was a photo of her standing on the edge of some fountain, did you push her into it?" he snorted, trying to be light hearted with his friend.

"no shes just, busy I guess" he shrugged, trying to leave quickly, "wheres yeontan?"

Jin looked behind him and picked up the small dog, putting the leash on him securely before handing it to taehyung, who took it with his free hand.

"thanks for not killing my pets and taking care of them, even if it was probably Stephanie who did everything" taehyung referred to Jin's wife, who stood behind him with a wide grin of acknowledgment. "i'll see ya" he nodded before turning down the hall to leave, Yeontan leading the way on his leash.

Taehyung walked on the sidewalk, his feet finding the familiar path to his own apartment.

He left Paris a day and half after you did, only communicating with you through occasional texts that left much to the imagination when it came to how you were doing.

He unlocked the door and walked in, wincing at how messy you two left it before leaving. His hands gently put Hae down on the kitchen counter as he began to pick laundry up, tossing them into a ball and making a mental note to do a washing load this weekend.

Tae checked his phone for any sign of you, frowning when he was met with 0 notifications.

Would it be wrong to call you? he didnt know anymore, things felt awkward...you left with no closure or definitive answer on what was okay or what crossed the boundaries.

It definitely felt uneasy being alone in the apartment, he missed your loud laughing, and the good food you always made for him.

He even missed when you would force him to watch shitty reality shows with you because it meant he got to cuddle with you on the couch for a few hours.

The rumbling sound of his stomach knocked him out of his head as he turned to the kitchen. There wasnt much, other than a few now rotten bananas sitting on the counter.

His hand gripped the fridge handle as his eyes were met with an ultrasound photo hung up by a hello kitty magnet, it felt like salt was poured into his wound...his hand slid off the handle. he wasnt hungry anymore.

Beside the photo was doctors reports hung up for upcoming appointments and reminders.

This upcoming weekend was supposed to be the gender reveal. Deep down Taehyung didnt care if it was a boy or girl, but not that he'd be having neither, it felt more upsetting.

It was a reminder of something that he might never get to experience with you.

He found his way to the kitchen counter, sitting in the quiet room as yeontans tiny pitter-patter paws echoed through the apartment wood flooring.

Taehyungs eyes were drawn to hae, the tiny yellow fish swimming around in his spongebob tank, a toy pineapple placed perfectly in the center for him. For some reason he teared up.

suddenly he felt the urge to hear from you, but he felt selfish for doing so. You should be the one to reach out, right?

He didnt know anymore.

"oh hae....I miss mama" he sighed, leaning down to rest his head in his crossed arms over the table.

"are you gonna just sit in bed?" your mothers voice echoed into your room, the lights were off and the curtains were closed as two large blankets covered your body....it was noon.

"I'll get out soon"

She shook her head, leaning against the door frame "Hun, I need to go shopping, I need to know you are up and alive before I leave you here alone"

Reluctantly you sat up, wiping your sleepy eyes as nostalgia from high school mornings hit you.

"there she is!" your mom cheered, directing her cat to follow over to you as she turned to leave.

You smiled at it as you stretch, "hi baby" your voice cooed before turning over and unhooking your phone from the charger

2 notifications

"oh" you mumbled, quickly unlocking it and going to your texts. You wish it was Taehyung, unfortunately it wasnt...

Kaito: hey, I know this is sort of inappropriate to text you like this, I get it, but I cannot stop thinking about you. I cant stop thinking about the baby. Can we please talk about maybe getting a paternity test?

you frowned, petting the cat as she climbed into your lap

kaito: and I know btw that you dont want me to be the father figure, which is fine. Ive taken time to understand that...however i need to know if its mine, I cant live without knowing y/n. please call or text.

Oh thats just great, another person you had to break the news to.

Your mother came back down the hall, knocking on the door frame "so are you coming or not? im leaving" she smiled

"I'll stay here, thanks though mama, hows your back?"

She waved her hand in dismissal "oh im fine honey, I got my brace"

You smiled sympathetically as she turned to leave, knowing she was probably lying about the pain.

Shes always been stubborn, thats where you get it from.

After getting cleaned up a bit, you made your way outside to sit on the front deck, propping your phone up as you sit in the rocking chair. Were you really about to facetime Kaito?

....guess so...

After a few rings, you began to feel the tightness in your chest...the anticipation...the nervousness...

"hello?" his voice echoed through your ears, for some odd reason you felt like crying already.

"hey....are you at work?"

"on break" he smiled softly, eyes looking into yours through the phone screen. It felt odd to sit here on call with him, you havent done it since you both had been dating.

"so..."

He sat down, propping the phone up against a wall as he watched you, making it clear he was ready to talk. "listen, please understand this isnt me trying to make my way back into your life"

You nod, picking at the skin around your fingernails.

"I just want to know if its mine is all, I mean, I figured theres a chance it is, no? so this is warranted right? i dont want to seem pushy...."

You sigh, looking at him, "um, well I called you because I wanted to discuss everything"

"what do you mean?" his head tilted softly

"kaito, I uh, I lost the baby" you said aloud, nodding as you did so. In some way, the words left your mouth a lot easier than just a few days prior.

You were knee-deep in the healing process

"oh." was all he responded, his face appearing confused and unsure, "you lost the...baby?"

"miscarriage" you add, "it happened a few days ago, I never had the chance to tell whether it was yours or taehyungs"

He frowned, "y/n, im sorry"

"dont apologize its fine, im fine"

"god...."he ran his hands over his face, obviously deeply upset by the news.

"its okay" you assured again as he watched you for a moment,

"do you think it was mine? genuinely?" he whispered

You shrugged, eyes dragging away from the screen to look at the cars driving past the house "I dont know"

You did, you were 90% sure it was taehyungs, this was decided last night as you carefully calculated the dates between periods, and the breakup vs when you and taehyung got together.

If it was kaitos, that would have meant you were close to being 5-6 months pregnant, and at the time of the miscarriage, you were about 3-4.

regardless, it was still upsetting, and in hindsight, it didnt matter anymore especially when you had to sit and break everything down to your ex.

He sighed again, "how are you managing?" he whispered

"im good, im at my moms house right now"

"wheres taehyung?"

you scoffed slightly, even after telling him the situation he only cared about you and taehyung. "Kaito I called to inform you about the baby and the baby alone, we dont need to discuss my personal life, you dont get to know information that no longer involves you"

He sat watching you for a moment before nodding "okay....sorry?"

"thank you for being understanding during this, and all I ask is that you continue to be respectful to not only me, but taehyung"

He rolled his eyes slightly "okay"

"okay" you repeated, sitting near the phone, "well...thats all I suppose, text me if you have more to discuss on the topic, have a good shift"

with that, you hung up and couldnt help the slight smile that popped up on your face, you finally stuck up for yourself, and taehyung

It felt good.

so good that you almost called taehyung out of instinct.

would he be okay with that?

you decided against it, putting your phone away as you sat back and swayed in the rocking chair.

Taehyung gently creaked open the door of what used to be his bedroom, but was now reserved in the space of a future nursery.

He hadnt been in here in a while, and now as he sets his eyes on it all, he wishes he didnt walk in.

There were boxes of items you ordered online piled up in the corner, he smiled sadly and looked through them.

The crib you bought, he promised he would put it together for you, you were never good at building things, instructions or not.

The thought made him giggle softly as he looked at the other things, the vanity and picture frames. The familiar grief found its way into his chest as he went over and laid on the rug in the center of the room.

It was a lilac purple rug, you picked it out and decided the nursery will be just that color scheme, regardless if it was a girl or not. His fingers weaved through it as he began to cry, eyes scanning over the room that will forever be empty, items put to waste. The small bundle of baby toys that never get to be played with.

He never realized just how much he was hurting, but he had to say not having you at his side made it sting even more.

Yeontan nudged his way into the room and grabbed one of the stuffies, making his skilled exit quickly as taehyung got up

"hey! thats not yours!" he frowned and chased out of the room after the small dog, following him around the living room before running into your room. He gave up and dropped the giraffe by your desk, his tiny legs leading him away to hide.

Taehyung kneeled to pick it up, unable to help the way his eyes scanned over the items on top of your desk.

Unorganized homework for school, binders left open and messy, he smiled a bit at it as he walked over, his arm accidentally pushing some of the books off the side.

"shit" he sighed, leaning down to pick them up.

There was a smaller brown notebook that caught his attention, he didnt want to snoop around your things, but when the front of it says "to my love", its pretty hard to ignore.

He carefully sat on the ground and opened it, feeling wrong for doing so but unable to stop.

The first page was full of your handwriting.

May 11th

so...today I just found out the biggest news of my life. im pregnant, its weird to even write. I just bought this notebook at the flea market because I need to tell someone. Im really scared, and im unsure of what you will think of me. I love you a lot, and I hope I get the chance to gift this to you after all is said and done

suddenly he felt like he was doing something wrong, reading something forbidden.

He scanned over the next page quickly, seeing how you spoke about dedicating this as a future love note for him, a chance to let him see inside your mind.

He tossed it back on top of your desk and sighed softly, he missed you so much and it seems like every second only let that feeling grow.

He wasnt sure what position you two were in, but he loved you dearly, probably a lot more than a person should love another human being.

He hoped you felt the same deep and burning desire.

Thoughts passed into his brain, he realized he was grateful you went through the crazy process of the past few years, in which referred to the friends with benefits situation.

If it never happened, you would have never been this close now.

Little does he know, that miles away from Busan, you laid on the floor of your room too, looking over older texts between the two of you and giggling

even if it was about groceries, or a small message asking him to pick you up from class, it made you smile.

Taehyung and your mom have been the only ones that you can say have never left you, the only ones who are there when you need them.

were you going to let him go over something that can be talked over and fixed?

you looked out the window and silently spoke,

"i'll see you soon”

Going back to your old doctor in Gwangju was an odd experience, you had too have been no older than 18 the last time you visited her.

“It seems that everything is going smoothly, and you said you’ve stopped bleeding?”

You nod, fidgeting with the gown you put on as the doctor wrote down everything.

“Your tests seem good, i would say you are coming along healthily after this, which is a good thing, right?” She smiles cheerfully, “do you have any questions for me?”

You shrug, looking up at her “I don’t really know”

She sighed and sat down “y/n, what you went through would be hard on anyone. You are so young and you already are stressed with work and college, and this being thrown on top had to have been difficult right?”

You nod, resting your head in your palm.

“Do you think seeing a therapist would be helpful to you?” She asked sweetly

You quickly sat up “well…im going back to Busan eventually and-”

“I can contact your doctor in Busan and have them find you a therapist”

You sighed deeply, therapy was something you never really considered. Would it help? Maybe. But bottom line was that you never liked discussing your problems, you have always been closed off and the thought of being vulnerable with some stranger is terrifying.

“Look y/n, I’ll send your doctor a note and you can discuss it with her once you go back, how about that?”

You nod reluctantly “okay….”

Once you arrived back with your mother at the house, she began to cook something up for lunch as you laid on the couch, cuddling the cat.

She purred in your lap, making you smile.

"how was the appointment?" your mom spoke from the kitchen, peaking over to you as her hands chopped veggies up on a cutting board.

"well...It was fine I suppose"

"just fine?" she smiled, adjusting her glasses, "did she say anything bad?"

"no, no, nothing bad, but just...she wants me to do this therapy thing and I just-"

"oh that sounds like a good plan...I think therapy would be beneficial"

You sigh, looking down at the cat, "well I probably wont be doing it so..yeah"

She stopped cutting, looking over at you "and why is that?"

You simply shrug in reply

"you know theres nothing wrong in getting help...right?"

"yeah but im not sure im ready to go talk to someone yet"

She laughed softly, "thats when you should talk to someone, when you are unsure, get it out before its all locked up"

sitting up a bit, you look back at her, "I guess, I dont know, we will see...."

Your eyes returned back to the tv in front of you as your mother continued to create a meal for the two of you. As a mom, she felt defeated, she knew the other alternative here but knowing you, the reaction may be less than ideal.

The last thing she wants to do is interfere with your current situation, but hey.....

what is a mom if she isn't nosey?

taglist!-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

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urmumsstuff · 2 years ago

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readers role on ffm

so yes she becomes Wukongs wife after her coma and her soul and body line back up he drags her back. it takes several months for her end of it and years for him but everything lines back up.

so she gets dragged to ffm. thankfully the monkeys remember the human that was ready to fist fight the fake king. nearly getting their arm ripped off when doing so.

reader is immortal, as she isnt from there her book isn't in the book of death. and she comes down with a nasty ass cold and gets a peach fed to her when the fever half in half out hit the worst. Wukong was not about to chance it.

her role later becomes the self-appointed archivist and tracking family trees and historical events, from battles to famines and the like .she just keeps track of it each year getting one scroll dedicated to it. sometimes two if a lot happens. really using that history degree for once in her life. it also helps in arguments her and wukong have vastly different handwriting so he can't change the records.

9 times out of 10 she doesn't bother arguing leaving that to his court when he decides to listen at least.

most of her time is just recording births, making sure inbreeding doesn't happen, and if another troop joins the mountain recording their history in their own section of the archive.

it helps a lot in case of arguments and growing pains. lol.

a lot of "Oh damn it go check the archives I bet she has notes on that argument that happened last week" She ends up keeping track of it because people keep ASKING for it.

Do you want to gossip? you aren't getting it. it does lead to her getting information however that would make some blush.

Wukong and her relationship are still weird and while they are husband and wife she sees him more as her boss and she as the long-suffering historian.

she needs a shirt that says "I went on a journey to the West as a normal human and all I got was a bitchy husband and a shitty job"

when tech becomes a thing and when Wukong finally gets interested in it she digitalizes as much of the archive as she can. some of the scrolls can't be and are just put in storage.

her and wukong don't have kids. she just rather help out with baby monkeys and if not that then working. again she sees this as more of a career thing with cuddles every night.

#for writing #putting a label on what ever the fuck they are is so hard #reader hesitates at the husband wife thing and it was only him stating it she uses it #long suffering historian #long post

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tsbluvr · 1 year ago

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REVIEW THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT: LIVE FROMT HE HAUNTED CANDLE SHOP EDITION

sorry

Hydroelectric Viking: 6/10

Yeah, you already know how I feel about instrumentals. Side note, this song would go hard as a beat saber level.

The Saga of You, Confused Destroyer of Planets: 8/10

While this song used to be my favorite on the album, it recently became overshadowed by others. Also, I heard this one cover called The Saga of Ballsack Joe, Confused Destroyer of Bitches by The Ballsacks that is mostly the original lyrics with dirty words stuffed in and the original instrumental playing distorted in the background. When I heard it, I thought it was immature and got all pissed off and couldn't stop ranting in my head about it every time I heard the original song. Moral of the story, I'm a stupid buzzkill and should learn to lighten up a little.

Mr. Wolfgang: 6.75/10

This song was one of the few songs I liked upon first listen to the album, along with TSoY,CDoP and Boat. However, it shortly became overplayed in my head. This song DOES have a slight touch of edginess, but it knows what it's doing and doesn't take itself more seriously than it should. Also, BANG BANG, HE JUST SHOT HIS BOSS. BANG BANG HE JUST SHOT HIS BOSS'S BOSS!

Boat: 8/10

Before I actually liked this album, this song was my favorite from it. While I do like it less than I used to, it's definitely in my album top 3. One of my favorite lyrics in the album is "AEIOU sometimes Y, Why not!" It's a dumb piece of wordplay just kinds stuffed in the song, but it doesn't take itself too seriously, and works in my opinion.

Destructo!: 8/10

NO WAY THEY SAID THE THING! THEY SAID THE THING! THAT'S THE NAME OF THE ALBUM!!!!!

good song

Fiberglass Monkey: 7/10

Don't really have anything to say. Good song. I liked when there was the fiberglass monkey. Classic example of the hero's journey. Kid is haunted by fiberglass monkey. Kid gets bat. Kit hits fiberglass monkey with said bat. Fiberglass monkey dies. What's not to love?

Fly Straight or Drop the Oar and Wreck: 7/10

I like most of the song. I really like the background vocals when he says "plate right now." Also, It's really satisfying when he finally "Fly straight or drop the oar and wreck." The violin at the end of the song is a little drawn out, though.

Oz Explodes 7.5/10

Took me embarrassingly long to realize the song's lyrics were taken directly from the wizard of oz. Iconic kazoo cover, every time I remember I have a kazoo I immediately pull it out and play this song. Also, this song is how I remembered the Pythagorean Theorem when I was taking my standardized test. So thanks, Neil! If you can't tell, I'm not writing this review while extremely tired at 10 P.M. (unlike yesterday's)

Booja Jabooja: 7/10

Don't really LOVE this one, but It's a good song. Also, WHEN DID NEIL TRANSLATE THE CHORUS?? ISNT THE WHOLE THING THAT IT'S GIBBERISH THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE? anyways yeah 7/10

Dance Like an Idiot: 8/10

Very catchy song, with it's own dance too! This sone is the cupid's shuffle for weird losers (me!) Also, I love the synth solo in the middle.

Chu Chu Rocket: 7.5/10

Okay embarrasing story, it took me like two months to realize that

A. This song is a cover and

B. and more embarrassingly, this song is in Japanese

okay, so the first time I heard this song it played right after Booja Jabooja so naturally, I assumed it was another made up language that just so happened to sound a lot like Japanese and English. Actually never mind, there's no defending myself. That was stupid of me.

Switzerland: 9/10

Good song, one of my album favorites. The story does lead me to wonder, though, did the protagonist ever make it to Switzerland? Why couldn't this story have any closure like Fiberglass Monkey did? Oh why, Neil 20 years ago, did you do this???

Party on the Moon: 8/10

8/10 good. Who the hell is Mr. Kenji Akita?

Without My Tonsils: 7/10

this song was my ringtone for, like, a really long time. I like this song, but it radiates with edginess. THAT ENDING WAS GREAT. IT WAS A PERFECTLY FINE, NOT AT ALL DISSAPOINTING ENDING UNTIL HE STARTED REPEATING THE LYRICS "DISSAPOINTING ENDING", THEREFORE MAKING THE ENDING DISSAPOINTING. SCREW YOU NEIL (I don't actually care that much)

Birdhouse In Your Soul: 7.5/10

I don't think that before hearing this version, I had ever listened to the TMBG version. Strangely enough, the song felt very familiar, and when I did eventually listen to the original version it felt very familiar. Side note, if anybody reading this is a TMBG fan, how do you feel about this cover (especially if you listen to they might be giants but haven't listened to the cover yet, listen and tell me how you feel!)

Anyways, good song, both referring to the original and Neil's version

Mold en Mono: 9/10

Love this song, easily my favorite. If you listen close enough, you'll hear the cuica sounds that Neil used before it was even cool (cough cough Baldi's Basics cough cough). Anyway, I love the layering of the lyrics in the outro, and it's very funny to me the origin of the song's title (search it up, I don't feel like typing). Classic Live From The Haunted Candle Shop song.

Movie Night: 6.5/10

It's not a bad song, but it's too slow for my liking. I remember the first couple times I listened to it I would wait for it to get faster and more exciting, and it never happened. Back then, I'd have probably given it a 4/10 but it's since grown on me

OVERALL: 7.5/10

FAVORITE/ LEAST FAVORIE SONGS

Mold en Mono, Hydroelectric viking (dishonorary mention to Movie Night)

I feel like this review was better written than the last one, but not interesting/funny enough for that to make up for it. This one's just boring and bad.

#lemon demon album review #neil cicierega #lemon demon #live from the haunted candle shop #ines's album review

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dingleberry-art · 5 months ago

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just remembered i have free will and can post about whatever i want so here's a little bit about living with adhd i guess (and funny/ annoying stuff i hear from people who don't have it) btw this is only my experience, and i can ASSURE you this isnt all of the adhd experience. warning, kinda sad lol (and now ive finished typing, long asf!!)

a big issue is motivation, like HUGE. My adhd causes me to have MASSIVE instant gratification problems, and several years in a row this has impacted my school. If a task doesn't give me satisfaction immediately it genuinely is painful to try and start it. I have so many art projects, sewing things, crochet, etc that almost feel like doing schoolwork if im struggling that week. I have been known to doomscroll for 7-9 hours IN FRONT OF MY ASSIGNMENT AT MY DESK because it feels like asking my body to hurt itself just to start work.

cont of the last one sort of: Wasted time (AGHGJSHGHGJA). I lowkey believe I could have done so much more with my life if I could just sit down and focus. Luckily ive gotten into the mindset of "keep pushing forward, you cant change the past" but holy shit its a killer. Assignments that take 5-10 minutes take 5-11 hours to START, and in these hours of procrastination i am NAWT enjoying myself at alllll. Its 5-10 mins of scrolling, almost start crying because i CANT JUST START, then back to scrolling, repeat. Plus what hurts more is that once i do start, it really only does take those 5 minutes

Now one that i dont really see! negative talk that comes with not getting diagnosed (oh brother this guy stinks!!). I'm gonna be short and sweet with this one because when I used to say this stuff to myself I lowkey believed it. A lot of stuff I repeated at my worst was "why can't I just do stuff like everyone else, what is wrong with me, why can't I just focus, Everyone can do this why can't I, etc" and what PISSES ME OFF!! is that SOOOO much of this is repeated/ planted by outside sources!! but i digress...

Hyperfixations! either amazing or atrocious!! Mine have never been terribleeee but they def get extreme! (for those that don't know a hyperfixation is a interest that DOMINATES UR LIFE for a few weeks, to a few months. Happens in autism too i think? and special interests are specifically autism and last yearsssss)

Fixations can be really fun and a lot of people i know say that it makes them feel like themselves, and gives them a purpose! but there is also a really not-fun side to them, some wild stuff ive experienced while hyperfixated: -can't go to the restroom/do anything embarrassing because of a feeling of the characters watching/judging you. -Stomach hurts if you see something from the hyperfix, or some sort of painful physical reaction. -Only work you are able to do is related to/correlates to hyperfix (I finished a project where I got to draw gravity falls the day I was assigned it, and I also got given a project from the same class 3 weeks ago and haven't started) -getting physically angry at slander/hate even tho it isnt that serious fr -internal monologue changes to a characters voice/a certain accent. You UNWILLINGLY imitate a characters little mannerisms without trying. -this one is funny but during my anime phase i watched so much subbed that I heard a commercial playing and thought they were speaking utter gibberish for 3 minutes then realized it was english and i had just gotten so used to Japanese w/ subtitles

Some stuff i heard other people go through (tw for sh on the last one) -Neglecting hygiene

-loss of friends because they can only talk about it -Failing entire courses or becoming severely sleep deprived -hyperfixating on problematic people or topics (you can't really control what you hyperfixate on, that's actually why I haven't watched shit like hasbin hotel or even skibidi toilet as a joke) -even in very EXTREME AND RARE cases, cutting because of the media, carving characters names, etc. and to stress this again, hyperfixations can literally give people purpose in life!! they aren't always bad! but i really don't see people talk about the downsides, and coming out of one feels like losing a part of yourself, the reason to be motivated in the first place (and this is also why I do think its important that non-neurodivergent people don't use the word to describe their interests)

other random stuff i guess

coffee/caffeine makes me tired asf, adhd meds and caffeine are both stimulants! thats why a lot of undiagnosed people actually use it as a makeshift medicator without knowing

for me personally, getting diagnosed SAVED MY LIFE but ill talk abt that in a sec

I will want to respond to your text SO BAD but it feels scary to me, like another thing on the to-do list even tho you could be the loml it would still take me 2 hrs of distracting myself to respond

ive seen a few people say that having untreated adhd feels like/goes hand in hand with depression, and while i dont think this is factually true, thats what it feels like lol

Adhd also gives you rejection sensitivity (not the official term but who cares), basically getting criticized or ridiculed feels like a straight insult at your character. felt definitely more as a little kid but can confirm BIG TIME!

another note to the sensitivity: it is very valid and real, before being medicated id cry once a month at school over small shit. I mean i still do occasionally, but i think EVERYONE i knew as a kid has seen me cry at LEAST like 7 times. also like every time i see someone describe the adhd experience well i start BAWLING. plus as a kid my youtube recommended was FULL of "how to stop being so sensitive, how to stop crying when told ur wrong, stop crying at school so often" videos

I never realized how much I cut people off when talking till someone pointed it out and I looked it up, yup its adhd

I was wondering why it got quiet a second ago but i actually never had any music playing, I just kept repeating the same song in the background of my head whilst typing this (peewee's playhouse intro btw) dunno if its an adhd thing but i see a lot of people talk abt hearing multiple dialogues at once.

meds can also be annoying asf but that can go for every mental illness. When i started mine i slept through the bell in 2 of my classes lol. (Plus i definitely need to up my dosage because it just isn't working as well as it used to.)

**btw dont be reading this with adhd by the way and think your like, doomed. Genuinely THE MOST bubbly, kind, and just downright creative people I know have adhd. i know it feels like a curse a lot of the time but please push through**

ALRIGHT!! now on to some stuff ive been told by people!!

this first heartbreaking quote was from my best friend. We were talking about our least favorite teacher (who had adhd, but my fav teacher also had it lol) and she goes "yeah i think all people with adhd are just annoying" the funny thing was that this was ALSO the day I had to tell her I was going to get checked for it so thats fun! pair that with good ol rejection sensitivity and we have a phrase that repeats in my mind once a day lmao. (dw shes been informed a lot more now and i dont think she remembers it but i corrected her on it)

second one! much more recent, my father was getting checked for autism (alr has adhd diagnosis). To prove to my step mom that him getting officially diagnosed wasn't a huge deal, he asks me "getting diagnosed really didn't help you haha right?" i just responded "lmao no it changed everything" because i don't think an appropriate response at the time would be "it literally prevented me from kms :))"

INFAMOUS ONE from my teacher! He was filling out my adhd referral form but he literally didn't pay enough attention to me in class so he just had me come up there and fill it out with him instead. The questions were "on a scale of 1-5....." and he would SAY THE QUESTION AT NORMAL VOLUME IN THE SILENT CLASSROOM "Does this student struggle with depression!! Does this student have violent tendencies!!" (not to mention a lot the questions were all geared to 10 yr old boys) then i would give him my full and honest answer, and he would say "well everyone has that!" and put THE NUMBER BELOW THE ONE I GAVE HIM. i swear bro he either needs to understand the questions arent for him, or go get diagnosed lmao.

*BUT ANYWAYS* thank you for reading this thing holy moly. I probably forgot so much and its 1am oops! hopefully this made someone feel seen or made someone semi-understand the struggle. Its just a lot of the time I see it downplayed as "ooh squirrel!!" while it has legit destroyed my life at points, and isn't any less serious as other well talked about conditions (obvs not as bad as other stuff but yk what i mean)

alright thanks again, bye!!!

I need someone to invent a machine to give anyone adhd for a month because if I hear “no I get it! I get distracted sometimes too!” one more time I might go batshit insane.

#adhd #neurodivergent #executive dysfunction #neurodiversity #adhd problems #adhd things #neurodivergence #neurotypical #rejection sensitive dysphoria

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feliix · 4 years ago

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Perfect Score ↠ Han Jisung

↠ Jisung x Reader (feat. Felix)

↠ Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Fake Dating!AU, Childhood Friends to Lovers

↠ Rating: M (18+)

↠ Word Count: 14.9k

↠ Summary: As you return home to work at your local coffee shop, you’re swarmed with couples coming in on lovey-dovey on dates. You’ve always hated the idea of love, but it’s Jisung’s mission to make you change your mind in just two weeks time.

↠ Warnings: idiots 2 lovers, mutual pining, unprotected sex, fingering, soft sex, language, light mentions of marking, mentions of bad past relationships

“That's disgusting.”

You grimace in the most subtle way as you watch the man across the shop press a gentle kiss on the cheek of the woman next to him. For some reason your shop is packed with couples this evening. Not that you’ve been counting, but they’re probably the 50th overly lovey-dovey pair that you’ve seen this just this shift alone.

To say ‘love’ isn’t really your thing isn’t too far from the truth. Every time you’ve been burned by someone in the past has only made your hope about love deteriorate. Relationships suck. Already been there, done that, and you don’t plan on doing it again.

You’ve always stuck by the same theory; relationships either lead to heartbreak or marriage. And even still, marriage may still end in heartbreak, so what’s the point?

“Stop being so dramatic,” Jisung laughs, pulling you out of your thoughts as he rounds the corner. He’s just in time to catch your snide remark, surely it won’t be the last one you’ll make tonight though. He had just run to the back to get you a fresh package of cups after using up all the stock in the front.

Tonight is busy to say the least. The sun has already set, and it’s the afternoon rush when everyone comes in for their second daily dose of caffeine. And it’s definitely necessary – especially on a day as hot and exhausting as this one. It’s the third day that its been over 100º in a row and the humidity is doing a real number to your hair.

“It’s not dramatic,” you sigh, leaning on the counter behind you as Jisung maneuvers around you, placing the cups on the shelf underneath. In your mind it absolutely isnt. Its a mystery why all these people need to publicly display their affection in a coffee shop anyway...

It’s just the two of you on the schedule tonight. Your boss has always been kind of an asshole, just leaving 2 kids in their early twenties to run the shop by themselves while he went off to do god knows what. There's always been an aching suspicion that he just goes to the bar across the street, since his car is still parked behind the shop but he’s always nowhere to be found. That’s okay though, it's better than him looming over your shoulder and criticizing your technique the whole shift.

“Yeah, whatever you say,” Jisung shakes his head.

In stark contrast to yourself, Han Jisung is quite the hopeless romantic. So much so that he tends to search for love in all the wrong places. Maybe a better way to describe it is that Jisung has a series of flings. He’s not shy to test the waters of any girl he comes across – and there are many, many waters that he’s tested. Lucky you gets to hear all about each one, being his friend and all.

But to your good friend’s demise, his ‘relationships’ never end up working out for very long. Theres always some kind of fatal flaw that’s a means to an end. Whether it was Jisung’s fault or the girls, it’s always confused you why he could never hold onto something longer than a couple months. Jisung is a great guy, it didn’t make sense.

So great that you have been best friends with him for as long as you could remember. It all started that time in pre-k, where you poured a shovel of sand on his head in the sandbox. Initially, it did make him cry, but he got over it eventually. Ever since, he’s been right by your side, sandy hair and all.

“How much longer,” your eyes roll back in your head, neglecting to look at the watch on your wrist in fear that your shift has a significant amount of time left. The night has been dragging on since you stepped foot in the door and heard the little jingle as it opened. You wouldn’t be surprised if you’d only made it through half your shift thus far.

“Just under an hour. Want to start the closing checklist so we can get outta here?” Jisung offers, reaching for the rag and sanitation bucket at the end of the counter.

Nodding your head, you follow his plan – beginning your mission to clean like a speed demon so you can leave no later than at 8 o’clock on the dot.

Luckily, closing tonight goes as smoothly as it possibly can. You and Jisung are ready to get out of there at 8 on the dot, thanks to your determination to mop like a mad woman and stock the front as fast as humanly possible.

The air outside feels crisper than usual. Maybe its because you’ve been locked up in a small room that smells like coffee beans for 10 hours, but you’ll never get enough of the night air.

“So what are we doing tonight?”Jisung asks, his fingers adjusting the headband that sits just above his forehead.

“I was planning on going home and getting some rest…” you trail off, avoiding eye contact with him. Jisung always goes out after your weekend shifts and never lets up on convincing you to tag along. So you can’t look at him, his eyes are much too convincing make contact with, and you are beyond exhausted from working a double today.

“Gah you’re so boring,” he teases, stopping in his tracks in the center of the parking lot to ruffle the hair on top of your head, “it was an early night we should do something.”

With a deep sigh, you stop as well, smoothing down your hair as a pout forms on your lips. The suggestive smirk settling across Jisung’s face is telling; he knows he’s about to get his way before you have the chance to turn him down or fish for another excuse. So you tilt your head, subtly rolling your eyes as you wait for him to explain what his big plans for tonight are.

“I’ll be at your house by 9.”

Accepting defeat, you shoot him a thumbs up before turning to get into your car. Asking any more questions would take away any time you had to wash up – and smelling like coffee beans any longer is going to drive you up a wall since it hasn't already.

It doesn’t take much time for you to rush home and get ready, and before you know it Jisung is there to pick you up. Only a few minutes late, but that’s just par for the course and right on time in Jisung terms.

The car ride to your destination feels like a blur with how exhausted you are. So when you end up at your favorite boba spot, you immediately perk up. Those tapioca pearls always manage to give you a second wind.

But when Jisung decides to take a seat at one of the round tables just outside the shop instead of getting back in the car you know somethings up. You were expecting to hop back in the passenger seat of his car, maybe listen to some music for a while and drive around to kill time.

Initially he doesn’t say much. His legs just bounce hyperactively while he fidgits with the straw of his drink. It’s almost like he’s waiting for you to speak up; his eyes staring down at the cup in front of him instead of sipping from it, lip caught between his teeth.

The energy is off. Not only did you expect to hang out and do something adventurous like Jisung normally would, but now you’re watching his cheeks grow red while avoiding conversation.

Awkward silence becoming too much to bear, you take matters into your own hands. “So how are things going with that girl?”

“Oh yeah,” he sighs, his fingertips drumming along the surface of the table, “she didn’t really work out.”

Unsurprised by his response, you just nod along. Its always to expect since he’s the pickiest person you’ve ever met. His last relationship ended because he thought the girl breathed too loudly. The girl before that had an annoying laugh, and then the one before that didn’t like cheesecake. There always seems to be a laundry list of deal-breakers tied along to each one of Jisung’s relationships, and that is something you’ll always expect.

“You’re probably better off.”

You don’t think much of the words before they leave your lips. Relationships are a ton of work, and you’ve never understood the point of to putting all your effort into something like that. There is a way to just be happy on your own, you know.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” his eyebrows furrowing in response, hands gripping his thighs in anticipation

“You know what I think,” you tilt your heat matter-of-factly, “relationships are kind of just a waste of time.”

“What is with you and all this ‘anti-love’ stuff anyway, Y/N?”

Now thats a response that you are not prepared for. The question catches you off guard, a boba bubble almost catching in your throat leaving you a coughing mess. Jisung chuckles at your discomfort, waiting patiently for you to get it all out and just answer his question, as uncomfortable as it is.

“I’ve wasted too much time with too many dead-beat guys to even think about love,” you sigh again, your coughing fit subsiding as you reach for your cup once again.

“Not every guy is a dead-beat.”

His words carry a harsh bite to them, almost as if he finds you’ve said offensive. It burns his ego a bit, assuming that you’re grouping him in with all the guys you’ve been with in the past. Which is strange, Jisung should know that he’s different. For one, you’ve never dated him before and two, if he was such a dead-beat you wouldn’t have kept him around for so long.

You aren’t able to talk to guys, or most people for that matter, in the same way that you talk to Jisung. He’s the one you rant about all the assholes to. He knows all the shit that you don’t tell anyone else, he’s like your own personal human diary. Secrets are always safe with him, it's not like he has anyone who would listen to the gossip even if he wanted to tell.

After a minute of silence his expression changes, Jisung’s eyes squinting at you in that ‘I have a crazy idea’ type of way. It’s a look that you haven’t seen very often, and you can’t say that you’ll ever get used to it.

“Okay then I’ll make you a deal,” he proposes, a glimmering look in his eye that made you somewhat nervous. You never know what you are getting with Jisung, but most of the time his ‘deals’ are on the crazier side.

“What is it?” You still ask although you’re a bit nervous to hear his answer. If his plan is to set you up with one of his delinquent friends or something–

“Be my girlfriend.”

Your eyes widen as the words fall from his tongue, confusion taking over your expression as a small chuckle slips past his lips. Instinctively your stomach tightens, the air around you now feeling a bit heaver each second time ticks on. He can't be serious…

“Your what?”

“Two weeks is all I’m asking for. Be my girlfriend for just two weeks, and I’ll show you that love isn’t as shitty as you think it is.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me” you shake your head, a disbelieving smile stretching wide across your face.

“C’mon Y/N,” he challenges, “it’s two weeks of your life, what else do you have to do? I think it could be fun.”

The quirk of his eyebrow and quick squint of his eyes grabs your attention. He’s serious about this, scarily serious, and you aren’t quite sure how to react to that.

“What’s in it for you?” Your chin falls into your palm as you stare at him, waiting for his response.

“Well for one,” he starts, a sigh leaving his lips, “if it works then I won’t have to listen to you complain about how much relationships suck anymore.”

Just when you don't think you can roll your eyes any further into the back of your head, your own actions surprise you. If looks could kill, the one you’re giving him right now would surely take him out. He doesn’t pay much mind to it though, he’s used to your sass and just shrugs it off.

“This is an awful idea,” you glare at him as if it will change his mind. You’re certain this experiment of his would not change your own. Love sucked, and that was that.

“Two weeks,” his voice carries a taunting tone, his eyebrows wiggling to entice you into his plan. He isn’t going to give up on this easily, you know Jisung. And Jisung always gets his way.

“Fine,” you huff, “two weeks and that’s it. And if my mind isn’t changed you owe me 3 more of these,” you say, picking up your boba from the table and shaking it at eye-level for emphasis.

His bottom lip catches between his teeth, satisfied with your response. He isn’t exactly sure how he’ll manage to pull this off, but he’s definitely up for the challenge.

“We start tomorrow at 8, I’ll pick you up after work.”

Crossing your arms over the table, you bury your head in your arms. This is going to be the most interesting two weeks of your entire life.

“Wait, you're like dating dating the Han Jisung?” Felix’s jaw drops, excitement prevalent on his face as you spill about your night with Jisung.

Felix is the only person in your life that understood your hatred for relationships, other than Jisung of course. Not that he shares the hatred himself, he’s just heard enough about how much you despise being in one to know just how you felt. He’s only heard about it every day for the past several summers.

Felix is your best friend, other than Jisung of course. He’s also the only person in this world that you could bear to work with on a Saturday morning.

“That's the plan,” you sigh fiddling with the containers on the counter. It’s pretty slow for a Saturday morning, only a handful of customers have come in so far and it's already 11 am.

That’s the thing about working at a coffee shop – and it sucks when it's busy, and it sucks even more when it's slow. At least it isn't a terrible job, you at least have Jisung and Felix to keep you company and that's always worthwhile.

“And for the record,” you turn to look at Felix, a grin still evident on his face, “I don’t think this is gonna change my mind about the love stuff.”

“You know how Jisung is,” his eyebrow lifts, “so you never know. Maybe something could happen.”

If anyone was surprised that you were dating someone, fake relationship or not, it would be Felix. On top of that, you’re dating Han Jisung. As in, the same Jisung that ended a 3-month relationship last year because the girl ‘smelled too much like peaches’ and it was ‘too good to be true.’ And now that you’re the one stuck with him for the next 14 days, it is only a matter of time until he finds the deal-breaking trait that turns him away from you.

“Okay no, that's exactly why this is only two weeks. If I know Jisung, he’ll be over it before the 2 weeks even ends.”

“Whatever you say,” the pitch of his voice is raised teasingly. You can tell he doesn’t believe this will be just a ‘two-week thing’ by the funny little look on his face. You hate that look, and you hate how Felix always seems to be right.

Subsequently Felix sees a lot of things that you aren’t able to see for yourself. You’ve grown up with Jisung, grown accustomed to his unique mannerisms and behaviors without even noticing. Felix, on the other hand, has a different point of view.

He’s not in it like you are, so gets to see the way Jisung looks at you; the way he hangs on each and every word that leaves your mouth with a sparkle in his eye. He notices that Jisung longs to make you laugh. And he watches the toothy grin each that grows on your face each time a chuckle breaks through your lips. Felix notices every behavior that you see as nothing more than ‘friendly.’ But who is he to say? So, for now, the information remains tucked away and stored in his mind for a later date.

Your fingers drum on the clean marble countertop beside you, leaning against it as you wait for a customer to come in. All this time with nothing to do is really doing wonders for your imagination; thinking about what Jisung has planned for the two of you to do tonight. Nothing special, you hope, he really doesn’t need to go all out for this.

The lack of customers and silence that's fallen among the shop is just making it easier for your mind to wander off. It was beginning to make you sick how much you were thinking about Jisung and nothing has even happened yet. It's not like you have any reason to be nervous, but keeping all these thoughts trapped in your thick skull is starting to give you a headache

“He’s picking me up after work.” You blurt it out without thinking much about it. No one is here, you might as well lay it all out there for Felix to know since there's nothing better to do.

“He’s picking you up? Like you’re going on a date?”

“Shut upppp,” your eyes roll at his teasing nature, growing slightly embarrassed by how giddy the thought of this ‘date’ is making him, and you for that matter. It’s just Jisung. And you are just hanging out like you do every other night. There's nothing different about tonight and you’ll be able to prove that to yourself and Felix by the next time you see him.

The rest of you shift flies by – it always does when you work with Felix. Before you know it, the closing checklist is coming to an end, only a few steps left before you can finally get out of here. The clock had just turned to 7:55 pm, but Jisung still isn’t here. Not that you’re expecting him to be on time or anything, this is still the same Jisung you have always known.

What you aren’t familiar with is the nervous butterflies fluttering around in your tummy as the clock approaches 8 pm. What are you even nervous about? It isn’t a blind date, other than the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing. And it isn’t even a date. It’s Jisung for crying out loud.

Speaking of the devil, the chimes in the front of the shop ring as Jisung passes through the doorway. You don’t see who it is at first, your back turns to the door as you sweep behind the counter. The chimes ringing at this time of night do trigger your fight or flight instincts though, ready to turn to whoever is approaching and give them a dirty look for coming in this close to closing time.

But once you turn around and see Jisung standing in the doorway with a bouquet of sunflowers, your tension quickly subsides. You swear that you can feel your heart skip a beat, heat rising to your cheeks as you try your hardest to form a coherent sentence. It's okay that you aren’t able to, though, the surprised look on your face is enough for his smile to light up the room.

“I’m here to pick up the pretty girl with the espresso stain on her shirt,” he chuckles, his bottom lip catching between his teeth nervously.

Tonight he’s dressed a lot nicer than usual comfy attire; a nice shirt with a pair of dark jeans that hug his slim figure. His hair is a lot lighter too – a vast change from the midnight black strands that normally frame his face. He’s really going all out for this thing – and right now all that you’re wearing a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt with coffee stains down the front.

When you look to your right, Felix is just as stunned as you are. Frozen in his spot as his jaw practically sweeps the floor, he looks at you with wide eyes, his eyebrows raised as a smug expression crosses his face. For a second you contemplate asking him if he’s all set to finish the closing checklist on his own, but before you’re able to speak up he’s already shooing the two of you out the door.

With a goofy grin displayed across his face, Jisung hands you the bundle of flowers, tied together with a delicate white ribbon. You mumble a thank you, still stunned that he showed up here looking like that to take you out tonight. So he is the romantic type, note taken.

“You like nice,” you gulp nervously. It already feels like a date and you haven’t even left the parking lot yet. If this is how things are going to start you had an exciting 13 more days ahead of you...

“So do you,” he smirks, his eyes wandering down to the small brown stains littering your shirt. Eyes narrowing, you read the expression crossing his face – of course, he’s joking. “I brought you some fresh clothes to change into don’t worry.”

Relief rushes through your body as the words leave his lips, followed by a slight pull on your heart strings. Knowing he took the time to think about bringing you something else to wear so you didn’t have to sit in your coffee scented clothes all night made you feel warm in the strangest way. He’s thoughtful, and it's weirding you out – but in a good way.

“So, where are we even going?”

“You’ll see.”

A vague yet interesting, and very on-brand response from Jisung. He’s always been a fan of surprises – as long as he’s not on the receiving end.

The drive to your destination drags on forever. You aren’t quite sure how long you’ve been on your way; between your agile back seat changing of clothes, which you are surprisingly skilled at, and the anticipation coursing through your veins, you’ve lost track of time. All you know is that you’ve been driving along the backroads of your area for at least 15 minutes, and there is nothing around you to indicate that your destination is near.

“This is it.” The car pulls into a small dirt parking lot, dimly lit by some dingy street lights that aren’t doing a very good job at their primary function. It's pretty hard to see what’s around you, no matter how hard you squint and press your forehead to the window to get a better look.

“Where are we?” The question leaves your lips in a worried fashion. Trees surround the parking lot on all three-sides, while the road you've pulled in from occupies the fourth-side. You’re hesitant to get out of the car, but as Jisung rounds the front and opens the door for you, you’re on your way out. He motions for you to hold on as he pops the trunk – returning with a blanket and a reusable shopping bag filled with god knows what.

He still hasn’t given an answer to your question though, and you still aren’t quite sure where you are. If It was lighter out you assume it would be beautiful here, all the greenery dark and shadows hovering over you from the trees.

The bright light from his cell phone flashlight lights up the way, a path on your right

“Hell no,” your arms cross over your chest as you stand still in your place. He’s out of his mind if he thinks you’re going into the woods this late at night. You’ve seen enough horror films, stuff like this never ends well.

“C’mon, it’s not as bad as it looks,” Jisung laughs at your pouting manner, amusement filling his system as you glue your feet to the ground of the parking lot. His puppy dog eyes plead for you to follow him, a hand outreaching in your direction for the taking. You contemplate it for a moment, your eyes narrowing as you ponder the possible outcomes of the situation before you.

“Fine,” you huff as you take his hand in yours.

His hand feels different in yours this time. His long fingers lacing between your smaller ones in the perfect fit that you’ve neglected to notice before. You’ve held his hand before, platonically though. This time it’s platonic too though, right? It’s just a date. A platonic date between two friends. Two friends who are dating on a two week trial period. So yes, it is strictly platonic. Right?

The dirt path doesn’t drag on for too long, but the sounds of bugs ticking and twigs breaking beneath your feet is enough to startle you. Every scared and breathy gasp that leaves your mouth is followed by a small fit of laughter from Jisung. At least one of you is amused.

But the dirt path soon turns rocky, a clearing becoming more and more noticeable as Jisung’s flashlight brightens the way ahead of you. The rows of trees come to an end as the ground flattens, a giant slab of rock lying beneath your feet. Out ahead of you is completely dark, and until you approach the darkness you don’t notice that you’re just a few yards away from the edge of a cliff. A river lies below the edge, the sound of water rushing fills your ears and calms your nerves. It is quiet out here, peaceful and without distraction.

Jisung stands back as you admire the scenery around you – your own phone flashlight now out and panning around to look at the view. It’s beautiful out here, nothing to worry about but the sounds of the water and whatever Jisung is doing behind you…

You couldn’t have zoned out for more than 2 minutes, but once you turn back around to face him a picnic blanket lies on the ground before you. Snacks scatter the extent of the fabric, a few candles placed in the center

“You really went all out for this, huh?” A nervous laugh leaves your lips before you swallow harshly. Never in your life has a guy ever gone all out like this for you. A late-night picnic at a secret location, fixed with all of your favorite snacks and some candles for ambiance.

“Had to,” he smiles, “it’s our first date.”

You join him on the blanket, grabbing for a bag of popcorn as you sit down. Maybe relationships wouldn’t suck so much if all men treated you like this…

But it’s just Jisung. Jisung who already knows all your favorite things to eat. He’s just trying to be convincing – to prove to you that men take you on dates, do nice things. But stuff like this never lasts. Two weeks from now you’ll be going back to the same old Jisung and Y/N friendship that you’ve always had.

The conversation goes on as normal tonight, he doesn’t make any moves (as expected, it’s Jisung) and you enjoy the view and calm atmosphere with your fake but not so fake boyfriend. You stay out on the cliff for a few more hours before he takes you home. Jisung put a lot of effort into making tonight special, and you appreciate him for that. But even after all his effort, you know that real relationships aren’t like this.

Every guy you’ve dated would try to woo you over in the beginning too. They call it the honeymoon stage for a reason. Things are always great in the beginning, lavish gifts and dates, loving gestures. That kind of thing never lasts. Soon the effort runs out, the guy gets bored of putting the work in, and they end up sleeping with your freshman year roommate. Well, at least that's how it is for you.

The bundle of sunflowers Jisung gave to you earlier on in the night sits on the end table next to your bed. Each time you look at them all you can picture is the goofy grin he sported as he stood at the entrance of the coffee shop. It replays in your mind like a movie. How he dressed up all spiffy just to take you out. How he took you to a spot only he knew about, somewhere so off-site and serene that he knew you’d remain uninterrupted. You can’t help but wonder if he’s using the same old tricks on you that he does to other girls though. If he only knew about that place because he’s taken someone there before.

Not that it matters though, you aren’t his real girlfriend. You’re just on a trial period. But for some reason the thought that he might have brought another girl to the same spot before doesn’t sit well with you.

“Sooooo,” Felix teases, letting his chin fall into his palm as he leans on the counter before him, “how was your date with Y/N?”

Jisung chuckles at his nosiness, he’s sure you’ve already told Felix all about it. There are no secrets left between you two. Even sometimes Jisung felt like the odd man out when you’re all together.

“It was good.”

Jisung keeps his answer short, leaving the rest up to his imagination. He isn’t one to kiss and tell – or to not kiss and tell. Keeping his private life all to himself is something he takes pride in, things are just better that way.

“Just good?” Felix challenges, knowing there is much more that he’s leaving out. His eyes narrow as he waits for his response. You haven’t told him anything about last night, not even where you went after he picked you up. Things are radio silent on your end, which left Felix dying to know what actually happened on your ‘date that wasn't a real date.’

Jisung glances back at him, contemplating whether or not he should spill the beans. It would be kind of nice to have someone else to confide in. Especially since it's always you on the receiving end of his secrets; however, this may be the one secret that you don’t know of.

He chews on his bottom lip pensively, if anyone knows what’s on your mind, it would be Felix. Not that Jisung would ever want to pry, there's just no indication of how you feel about last night, or about him. Before Jisung can even open his mouth to speak, a knowing smirk is spread wide across Felix’s face. It’s that kind of look that makes him nervous – he knows something.

“You like her don’t you,” he muses, rubbing his hands together smooths as the words catch in the air. It’s out there now – and it’s obvious. Well, maybe not obvious, but it's clear as day to Felix – and that is more than enough to make Jisung worry.

“I don’t,” Jisung denies the other boy’s claim, his willpower too strong to give in.

“Oh yeah? So why do you self sabotage every one of your relationships then?”

The words catch Jisung off guard; his jaw clenching harshly as an annoyed breath is forced out of his nostrils. He wants to deny the claim once again, but he can’t bring himself to keep brushing off these feelings that have had a grip on him ever since he was young.

Felix is right too. He does sabotage each relationship that comes his way. Jisung goes out of his way to find something wrong with each girl he dates. He can never admit it to himself, but in the back of his mind, he knows that it's the fact that none of those girls are you. None of the girls he’s ever met could ever match up to all that you are. In his mind, you held the perfect score, and no one else had ever come close.

“It’s written all over your face every time you look at her you know.”

There's no way he’s that obvious... Did his feelings show that much whenever he was around you?

“What do you mean?” Jisung clarifies, the small once of hope bearing weight in his chest that Felix will follow up with a ‘just kidding’ or change the subject. Only the silence that falls on the room is enough of a response for Jisung to get the clue.

“Just please don’t tell her,” he avoids eye contact with the other boy, hand gripping harshly on the countertop as he stares down at the black and white checkered tile. “I just wanted to see if I could change her mind – about the love stuff, you know?”

The second you find out about Jisung’s feelings all bets would be off. There’s no way you’d let your little arrangement continue, not if either of you could end up hurt. And he knows you only agreed to this because there is nothing between you romantically, it was a deal between two friends. The second feelings get involved, everything gets all mushy and confusing, and Jisung can’t lose you.

Felix bears his weight on the counter behind him, leaning comfortably on the cool glass. “Believe me, I want her to be done with that ‘I hate love thing’ just as much as you do,” he sighs, looking around momentarily before he clears his throat. “Want me to be honest?”

“Please.”

“I think you might be the only one who can change her mind.”

Jisung’s heart skips a beat once the words leave Felix’s mouth. Blood rushes to his ears, pumping like a snare drum as he considers his thoughts. His stomach begins to twist as he considers it, almost confused about what Felix means, but not willing to accept it. You only agreed to fake-date him, you still hate love.

A comfortable silence fills the air, Felix watching him as his lips roll between his teeth, deep in thought. Change your mind. The words repeat in Jisungs head like a broken record. That’s what he’s trying to do, all for the right reasons of course. So that you don’t have to be so miserable about it anymore.

But behind those selfless reasons are several smaller, selfish ones. He gets to be with you as more than a friend now, and although it’s nothing more than some kind of test run, he can’t help but feel like this can be something more too. It’d be crazy to ignore the feeling he has deep in his chest, and maybe it's a sign not to.

“Like you think…” Jisung gulps, clearing his throat as the words stutter out of his mouth, “I could get her to fall for me?”

The lack of response that Felix gives is ominous, but the raise of his eyebrows and toothy grin forming on his face needs no words to tell.

If anyone is to change your mind, it’ll be Jisung.

That night Jisung took you to the drive-in movies. To be quite honest, you couldn’t really recall what was playing, some Pixar film with bugs as the main character if you could remember it correctly. You were far too distracted laughing with Jisung, watching as young kids played around on a grassy patch near his car. The giggles that left his lips each time the little girl waved to him were music to your ears. You never noticed how much he loved kids, how good he was with them.

The image of his hands clasped together as he fawned over the little girl, picking dandelions in the grass and racing to place them by your feet was burned into your memory. The boxy grin that graced his face all night long. The way his eyes squinted from his cheeks, pushing up as he smiled so big. The whispers of the word ‘cute’ each time her pigtails bounced while she toddled away.

Missing the movie doesn't disappoint you. If anything, the memories you've saved from tonight are more than enough.

The next night you were unable to go out, the shop was so busy that you were not able to leave until an hour and a half after your shift was supposed to end. Some punk kid dropped a cup of iced coffee on the floor on his way out and decided it would be best to leave it there without cleaning anything up or letting you know. Maybe if it hadn’t been so busy then you would have noticed the spill before it dried up and there were coffee stains stuck to the tile floors.

Naturally, you spent a good 15 minutes trying to mop up all the stickiness on the floor. But to your luck, Jisung is working with you that night. Once all the customers left the shop he hooked his phone up to the speakers, grabbed your hands, and danced you around the shop. Well, it was supposed to be dancing but it probably looked more like Jisung swinging your arms as you attempted to not trip over your own feet.

It makes up for not getting to go out though, and you’d take a night like that over a fancy dinner any chance you got.

It’s been 12 days since you became Jisung‘s girlfriend, and as the remaining days decreased, so did your hatred for love. Each night he planned something special. The real kicker was the texts that you get once he makes it home from dropping you off every night. A simple ‘I had a great time tonight’ was enough to make your heart swell and heat rise to your cheeks.

And as you notice your hatred for love and relationships leaving you, you notice another feeling enter your system. Or several feelings…

Things are getting just as sticky as the night when two frappuccinos splattered all over the shop floor, whipped cream and all. Spending time with Jisung like this is bringing some things to the surface you didn’t know were buried in the first place.

Every night that you spent with Jisung over the past 12 days allowed you to see him in a new light. You got to see him on a different level than just friends. You got to see what every girl that fawns over Jisung experiences.

Something about your friendship never let you jump past that barrier. You only see him as a dear friend of yours. Nothing more and nothing less. And now the issue is that...you aren’t sure how you’ll ever go back to see him as such.

You like Jisung as more than a friend, that's for sure. And you know because of that things will never be able to go back to the way they once were.

Maybe you're reading too much into it, but your gut is telling you that you aren't the only one feeling this way.

The feeling of butterflies that pound in your stomach each time you meet eyes with him has to be reciprocated. There is just no way you can be feeling this way and he isn’t.

This isn’t like the feelings you’ve caught for any guy before, this is something else. Every night when you go home you lay in bed, staring at your ceiling with a dumb grin on your face as you think about your time together, about him. About the way his black curly hair falls in front of his eyes each time he looks down and how his smile lights up every room he was in.

These things that you were so blind to before can’t escape your thoughts, and it makes you wonder how many times or things you’ve looked over that make you melt, just like you are right now.

But in just 2 days, this trial-boyfriend period will be over, and you’ll have to go back to being just friends. Each day, each hour, each minute that approaches feels heavier and heavier. Anxiety floods your system each time you think about things being over, or that this arrangement you have isn’t even real.

When you think about the growing feelings you have for him, you honestly can't imagine what your life will be like any other way. What it would be like going back to just hanging out here and there. And what it would be like

You can’t even fathom thinking about what it would be like hearing him talk about another girl again. It makes you sick thinking that there's going to be someone after you, because in just 5 days this will be all over, and you’ll go back to being the girl best friend, nothing more.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking that Jisung has more feelings for you too. But the glimmer in his eyes as his bangs brush out of his eyes and they land on you tells a different story. When he looks at you it feels like you are the only two people on earth. He sees nothing else but you, and the way your eyes sparkle back at him.

Each day you spend with Jisung after that feels like a wrench tightening the screws of your heart. 14 days is just not enough.

“Earth to Y/N,” Felix says waving a hand in your face.

You must have zoned out, for god knows how long.

“Thinking about Jisung?”

“What?” you immediately straighten your posture and brush yourself off before responding, “N-no…I’m just thinking.”

“Right,” the sarcasm drips from his lips, not sparing you any time to save yourself as he turns away, beginning to wipe off the tables in the front.

For personal reasons, you’ve kept Felix out of the loop during this whole “fake-boyfriend Jisung” thing. It’s better if you keep your feelings to yourself until you figure them out. And although it feels really really strange not giving Felix the intel on what’s going on in your life, you know it’s for your own good.

Once you put what is in your head out into the world, you can’t take it back. And what if all these things that you’re feeling is just a part of the honeymoon-phase. If that even existed anyway… But if all these feelings for Jisung are due to him trying to woo you and change your mind, everything will just fade away as things return back to normal. And then you’ll be left loving him in silence while you watch him blow through relationships like a leaf blows through the wind.

Something in you tells you that this isn't the case, but the small shadow of doubt in the back of your mind keeps you from talking to your best friend about it anyway.

The thing is, you don't have to tell Felix for him to know. Every time Jisung picks you up from work to take you out you shine. Your smile spreads so wide he’s afraid your cheeks will tear. The nervous shake of your fingers as you grab for your belongings as you head out the door doesn’t go unnoticed in Felix’s eyes. He knows you too well to look over things like this, he just wanted to wait for you to say something first.

But now that you aren’t, Felix has decided to take matters into his own hands, asking you about it himself.

“Felix,” you start, waiting for his attention before you pull out a stool, sitting down and motioning for him to follow suit. Quickly he does, a questioning but knowing look evident on his face as the stool squeaks under him. “You know how this thing between Jisung and I is just an experiment or whatever?”

He nods in response, his hand quickly falling into his palm as he listens intently to your words.

“I think I messed up.” Your head is buried in your arms, laid over the tabletop in embarrassment.

“What do you mean?”

His question is more for clarification, he wants to hear you say it yourself. Felix knows that you’re gonna tell him that you’ve already caught feelings. He sees it coming from a mile away, you confirming it is just the icing on the cake.

“Don’t make me say it,” you whine, neglecting to pick your head up and look at him. You can feel the grin on his face. You know he's smirking at you right now, doing his best to hold back a laugh. Finally, you over the ‘I hate love and relationships suck’ thing.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” he sings, quite obviously teasing you while another deep sigh echoes from your chest. You manage to pick your head up, leaning onto your elbows with your chin caught between your palms as you face him.

“I like him.”

It comes out as a whisper, but Felix hears it loud and clear. If you didn’t know better, you’d assume that the smile on his face can't grow any larger, but it does. He jumps up from his chair in victory, doing a funny dance with his arms whooping in the air to celebrate. You’re confused as to why, but you’re too far in your own thoughts to pay it any mind; your head just sinks back into your arms as your forehead presses against the cold metal table beneath you.

“I knew it,” Felix smiles, his happy dance subsiding as he positions himself back down across from you. “I knew this fake dating thing was gonna work.

“Yeah well it really worked, because now I have feelings for a guy that’s never gonna reciprocate them for me.” Your tone is laced with sarcasm, a disappointing ring sounding off on each of your words. You’re too embarrassed to look at the boy sitting before you, worried that if you do all the emotions you’ve been holding onto for so long will spill over and stain your stone-cold image; one you’ve maintained for far too long.

But Felix is your best friend. The only one that you should be comfortable being vulnerable about your feelings for Jisung with; for some reason all you can’t bring yourself to be. Before you can get a grip on your emotions tears are streaming down your face and falling onto the cold metal surface under you in small puddles.

A sympathetic sigh leaves Felix’s lips as he tries to gain your attention, “Hey.”

Inhaling deeply, you face him – mascara strewn across your face in black streaks and eyes nearly bloodshot. You’ve held this in for far too long. Only a double would tire you out and exhaust you enough to cry on the clock. Thank god it’s a rainy day, no customers ever come in on rainy days.

Or at least, no customers usually come in on rainy days. It's not until you hear the bells on the front door ring that you’re wiping your eyes, whipping around to greet whoever was entering.

And then you see him, standing there as he shakes out his umbrella, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand.

And he sees you; mascara running down your face and tears staining your cheeks. He’s early. Your stomach turns at the sight of him, emotions not stable enough to handle carry a normal conversation like

“Y/N,” his voice is quiet, worry dripping in his tone as your name leaves his lips. But you can’t face him right now, not like this.

Your feet move faster than you mind, standing up and rushing to the back to avoid him. Jisung doesn’t follow you, just stands there and watches you walk away, solemn and worried that he’s done something.

It’s not until Felix is rising from his seat and pacing over to him that he’s brought back to reality.

“Jisung...” he starts, hands coming up slowly to console him, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be here right now.”

“Wh-what’s wrong?” His lip worries between his teeth, eyes glossy as he stares at the door you just closed behind you. He’s looking at it intently, mind flooding with worry, wishing so badly that the door will just fly open, and you’ll tell him what was going on. In the back of his mind, he knows that you won’t, at least not for now. Talking about emotions has never been your strong suit, and chances of that changing at this moment are at an all-time low.

Felix is unsure how to answer him, caught in between not wanting to lie and keeping your feelings private. He can’t speak for you; but he’s scared that saying nothing could just make this whole situation worse.

His mouth gapes as he searches for a response to his question, lips opening and closing while he hums to himself.

The umbrella hanging from Jisung’s hand drops with a crash, starling Felix as he jumps at the sudden sound. But before he is even able to speak, the bell to the front door is ringing again, and Jisung is walking away into the pouring rain.

The next day you wake up feeling numb. You’ve received several texts from Jisung the night before, none of which you have the energy to reply to or even look at for that matter.

The guilt riddling your body has become too much for you to handle. You left work last night without even saying goodbye to Felix. He’s a good enough friend and coworker to know that what you’re going through is more important than working the counter at an coffee shop.

After Jisung left, Felix came back and let you know; he almost had to break down the door to the backroom in order for you to let him in. He told you to go home, get some rest and that you’d talk tomorrow.

But after waking up the last thing you want to do is talk about Jisung, it hurts enough just thinking about him.

Every time you thought about how your arrangement was supposed to end in just a few days you felt sick. You have worked so hard to open up just to build your walls back up again. And now you’re back at square one.

When you agreed to be Jisung’s girlfriend you did not expect to fall for him like this. He’s Jisung for god’s sake. He’s your personal diary, he’s the one who knows all the shit that nobody else does. And he’s the only one that listens to all the dumb shit you have to say that no one else cares about.

Feelings ruin everything. Love sucks, and you knew this before you agreed. You agreed under the circumstances that Jisung could show you that relationships could be fun; not under the circumstances that he would make you fall in love with him,

And the more that you think about it, maybe you were always in love with him. Maybe you always had these feelings for him, but they were trapped in the tight bonds of friendship that your subconscious never let you out.

But none of that even mattered now. The deal had to be off, and you need to distance yourself from Jisung before you are hurt any worse. The longer this goes on the worse that you are going to feel when it's all over.

How are you supposed to go back to normal after this? Like is Jisung thinking that showing you how amazing relationships are, you won't fall for him or something? Or does his true plan consist of making you fall in love with him, just to string you along like every other girl he's dated?

You’re trapped in the never-ending spiraling thoughts, soiling your image of Jisung with each new theory that crosses your mind. None of them are good. All of them paint him as a player, as someone who just used you.

But the little thump in your heart when you notice the sunflowers placed on your bedside table wants your mind to change. Your heart wants you to believe that Jisung feels something too, that throughout this arrangement he has seen a different side to you too – that he’s fallen for you just like you have for him.

It's a knock at your door that guides you out of your thoughts. The repetitive tapping at your front door that drags you out of bed. And when you check your peephole and it's no one else, but your small blonde best friend standing on your doorstep that has relief rushing through your system.

The door cracks open, Felix standing there with an umbrella in his hand – even though it was nearly 100º with clear skies.

“Why are you still in your pajamas? It's noon.”

Suddenly, he pushes past you and invites himself into to your living room. Plopping down on your couch, Felix makes himself comfortable as he waits for you to join. You spin on your heels, an exhausted breath leaving your mouth as you pace over to him, plopping down on the next cushion over.

“Why the umbrella?” Your brow furrows as he hands it over. You take it though, still confused behind the meaning of the object that you're holding and where it came from.

“It’s Jisung’s.”

You nearly drop it as his name leaves his lips. The name causes your stomach to tighten, mouth-drying instantly as emotions well behind your eyes.

“Why?” Is all you can mutter out. Why was he giving it to you, why is he here, and why did he have it?

“You need to bring it back to him.” He says sternly, his eyes locked on you as he waits for you to look back at him. But you’re too focused on the umbrella placed gently in your hands, tracing your finger over every wire and the soft rubber handle.

“I can’t.” Your words come out in a whisper, breath light and airy as you sigh, sinking your body back into the couch cushions. Giving the umbrella back to Jisung will mean that you have to go see him. And if you see him, he’s going to want to talk to you about last night, then question you about why you haven’t been returning his texts. No. You will not be giving Jisung his umbrella back.

“Y/N,” your name leaves his mouth gently, a sigh following it before he reaches for you, rubbing your arm comfortingly before continuing, “I think you need to talk to him.”

“Felix you know I can’t do that.”

You’re serious in your words. Not that you don’t want to talk to Jisung. You most definitely want to – and if you could, you would. But you can’t. There are too many emotions involved. The wound is fresh and seeing him would be rubbing salt right into it.

“Y/N,” he sighs, this time more forceful, like he’s trying to get something across to you but it's going right over your head. “Talk to him. Please.”

“You know I’m going to end up hurt if I do.” Tears well in your eyes as the words croak from your throat. It's dry and scratchy, full of fear and anxiety.

“I think you’d be surprised,” he mumbles, his eyes instantly widening on realizing the words that just escaped. Eyes wide with confusion, you’re begging him to go on, but if he does then Jisung won’t be the only one in deep shit right now. It's not up to Felix to tell you what he knows this time.

“What do you mean I’ll be surprised?”

“I have to go,” he stands instantly, motioning to the umbrella, “and you need to bring this back.”

With a slight ruffle to your hair, Felix is giving you a supporting smile and waving goodbye. And you’re left alone once again – just you and Jisung’s blue umbrella.

It takes a lot of courage to get ready today. You make sure to take your sweet time rummaging through your closet, flipping through articles of clothing for the better half of an hour. At the end, you opt to go with a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. There isn't enough energy in your body to put on anything else, and you know you’ll just want to curl back up in bed once you get home. Sweatpants are safe, and safe is just what you need.

No makeup today either. If things are anything like you’re expecting, your makeup will just end up ruined anyway. It's your better judgment to shower though, you’ve neglected to take one after work last night; opting to just bury yourself under your covers as soon as you got back. But today is a new day. And with a fresh shower and your comfiest pair of sweatpants, you are about as ready as you’ll ever be to get your heart broken into a billion pieces.

Umbrella in hand, you step out onto your front steps, relishing in your last few moments of ignorant bliss before making your way to Jisung’s. You immediately regret your wardrobe decision as the sun beats down on your frame, the humidity making you feel sticky and gross – your favorite pants are no match for this heat.

But you’re on your way to your destination anyway, the drive feeling longer and more drawn out than normal. Jisung didn’t live that far away from you, but the ride there still felt like an eternity with each theoretical scenario passing your mind.

Dragging your feet, you make your way to the front steps of his house. You’ve been here a million times, but today is different. From now on, every time you drive past this place all you’ll know is heartache.

You brush yourself off, taking a deep breath before bringing your hand up and pushing the doorbell. The sudden ringing sound startles you, even though you have every indication that it’s coming – you’re just too nervous and jumpy for your own good.

Footsteps approach the door, your stomach tightening more and more with the muffled pitter-patter of footsteps. You’re praying to God that it’s his mom, hoping that Jisung just so happens to be out – even though his car is in plain sight parked just a few meters away from you. Wishful thinking, you suppose.

When the door to his house opens, you struggle to maintain your composure. He’s dressed similarly to you; a pair of sweats and an old sports t-shirt that has definitely seen better days.

“Hi.”

His eyes are sunken in, dark circles dragging underneath his eyes and his lips pulled downwards. He looks like a sad puppy, his dark hair all scruffy and sticking up in each direction – probably from him running his hands through it so many times.

“I came to give you this,” you extend the umbrella out before you. He nods before taking hold of it, his hand far at the opposite end making sure not to keep his distance. The more you look at him, the more sorry you feel for dodging his texts. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink, and you’re afraid it’s all because of you.

“Oh...uh, thanks,” he struggles to make eye contact with you, looking down at the object in his hand.

It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and you can’t seem to find the words to say to break this strange tension between the two of you. He’s acting weird, shifting his weight back and forth but not moving away to close the door. His mind is racing once again – contemplating whether or not to just invite you in or leave it at that.

But with every aching bone in his body, he musters up the courage to lift his head, looking you directly in the eyes. Their dark like his, definitely from the lack of sleep you had the night before. Your mouth is turned downward too; hands fiddling together to try and distract yourself.

“D-Do you wanna come in?” He stutters, stepping aside slowly as he gestures towards his house. He suddenly worries when you don’t respond right away, taking a second to contemplate if this is a good idea or not. Ripping off the band-aid is never easy, but it needs to be done.

“Sure,” is the word that you decide on – hoping that it doesn’t make you seem disinterested or too desperate to talk. Maybe he’s just being kind though. Maybe it’s an empty offer, something that you say when you’re trying to be nice, but subconsciously hope that they won’t take you up on it. Like when you offer to share your food with someone, but you’re really hungry. You do it to be nice, not because you actually want to split the delicious looking burger and fries on your plate.

He leads you inside and to his bedroom. It looks the same as always, but it feels different. It still smells like him though, the comforting woodsy scent of pine and mahogany that he always reaches for. But that comforting scent is anything but comfortable. You’re frozen in place, unsure if you should sit on his bed and make yourself at home, much like every other time in the past. For now you just stand in the doorframe, waiting for him to tell you to take a seat, just like any polite guest would. A guest. You have never felt like a guest in his home before, or around Jisung in general. But that imaginary wall between the two of you is standing tall and sturdy, and suddenly the two of you are reverted back to being strangers.

You watch as he toys with something on his desk, his fingers dancing from object to object and sifting through papers to look busy. The point of it – unknown to you but to him, he’s buying time. Trying to think of the first thing to say, what to ask, or if you even wanted to talk. Maybe you only agreed to come inside to be nice. Maybe you were too worried about hurting his feelings if you said no. But alas, here you are, standing awkwardly in his doorway as he shuffles around his room, his brain flooding with thoughts – but his mouth can not form them into audible words.

“I’m sorry for ignoring your texts.”

Your voice catches his attention, dropping whatever paper he’s looking at now and turning his gaze to you. You’re sunken into yourself, your chest thumping with anxiety as his eyes begin to wander your frame. Not in a ‘I’m checking you out’ manner though; more of a ‘you look so sad and I don’t know what to say to you right now’ kind of way.

It’s true though, he doesn’t know what to say – which is why he’s staring at you, hoping the right words would just pop up and he didn’t have to use any brain-power at all. He doesn’t want to say ‘it's okay,’ because it's not. You never ignore his texts, and that alone tells him enough about what's going on. You are upset at him.

“What did I do wrong, Y/N?”

His words sound accusatory but his tone is soft, gentle and full of worry. Eyes swollen and looking like they are about to fill to the brim with tears, his sight is focused on you; now not able to look away.

“I-I don’t know…”

Your answer is honest. You don’t know if his intentions are dirty. Yeah, that’s what you thought initially, but looking at him with such hurt written all over his face tells a different story.

Jisung is silent, unsure of what more he can do or say to make you talk to him. He can’t force you to open up, he never has and he never will – that’s always been his rule. Everything you’ve shared with him has been on your own terms and conditions. Jisung has always been here to be your listening ear, but he never prys.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His voice is soft, eyes full of sympathy as he holds himself together. Those were the words he has been looking for. Now the ball is in your court and you’ll have to be the one leading the conversation. It’s just what he needed to figure this shit out.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he sighs as he drops himself down onto the mattress, “I shouldn’t have to say this for you to know it, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You do know that. You really, really do. But this time things are different. Is he expecting you to just come out and speak your truth like there won’t be consequences? No, he won’t push you to tell him anything you don’t want to. But the worry in his eyes and clammy hands are begging for you to just let it out so he can stop being in the dark.

You sigh out an ‘okay’ before sitting down beside him.

Rip the band-aid off Y/N. Quick and painless.

His eyes narrow, almost to a squint, staring right through you in hopes of reading your thoughts. Your expression is nothing but blank as you try your best to gain some sort of composure. Do you just speak up and spill your guts? The words replay in your mind over and over until your thoughts are beat down and misshapen.

You can picture his face when you say it; disgusted with a trace of disappointment and some confusion spread into the mix. Or maybe he’ll laugh at how pathetic you were, catching feelings for your fake boyfriend.

That’s it. There’s no way you can tell him. It would be much easier to just get up and leave. Tell him to pretend like none of this ever happened and that you needed some time to cool off. A few months maybe, or maybe you could just ghost him entirely.

“Y/N?”

The sound of his voice breaks you out of your toxic thoughts, and his chocolate brown eyes bring you back down to earth. You can’t just leave him in the dust. He’s looking at you like you’re the only thing that exists. Things will be okay, right?

“Sorry, sorry,” you exhale deeply as you calm your thoughts; shifting the nasty scenarios out and accepting that whatever happens after this conversation is your fate.

“Jisung, I-I guess I wasn’t expecting this boyfriend-girlfriend thing we’re doing to go like this.”

His brow quirks at your words, confusion riddling his expression as his eyes narrow. With a tilt of his head, he’s pushing you to continue, visibly riddled with your choice of words.

“Swear you’ll be honest when I ask you this?” You question him, your hand moving closer to his as you lean in slightly. He’s like a magnet, you can’t help yourself from moving closer; even though the proximity of the two of you is clouding your thoughts and you can feel your heart beginning to swell.

He nods in response to your question, his eyes full of concern as he waits for you to continue, “Why did you ask me to do this thing?”

He knows that a question like this was coming, only if he could have prepared for it. But he didn’t, so his throat is left dry and scratchy as his mouth opens, only to stutter a bit before closing it back up. No coherent thoughts or words are able to escape his lips, just nonsense mumbling that caught himself off guard.

With a deep breath, he closes his eyes, regaining his composure before he can face you again. He agreed to be honest, and if honesty is what you want, honesty is that you’ll get.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all that he can say.

Oh no. This is exactly what you were expecting before you came here. He’s gonna tell you that he didn’t mean to mess with your emotions, that he felt you catching feelings and got carried away. That he’s sorry that he ruined your friendship and played you like a violin all at once.

“Me too.”

You don’t know why you’re apologizing, but you are. It feels wrong. Absolutely utterly, and undoubtedly wrong. Apologizing for your own feelings is not something that you are okay with. Especially when he made you fall for him like this. Okay so maybe thinking that is giving him too much power, but who the hell takes you out on dates for nearly 2 weeks straight just to laugh about it later. How can he expect you to not catch feelings for him? With his deep voice and fluffy hair that always hangs in front of his eyes, that little giggle he has when he finds something amusing. Everything about him was attractive. And you’ve fallen for it all. Hard.

“Wait, why are you sorry?”

A scoff escapes your mouth unintentionally, but it’s well deserved. “For being the idiot to fall for a guy that was playing her, I guess.”

You can’t look at him any longer, so your eyes fall to your lap, staring at your chipped nail polish and dirty fingernails instead of reading whatever dumb expression he has now. But if you just took a second to look up, you’d notice the widening of his eyes, how his fingers are beginning to shake and his mouth gape.

“Wh-What?”

“Don’t make me say it again Jisung, I don’t feel like sounding stupid one more time.”

“No no I heard you, it's just,” his eyes slam shut, angry at himself that he let things get this far without keeping you in the loop.

You’ve been telling him that you hate love for years now. After hearing it so many times, he’d just given up on the thought of you. Maybe if he said something before you went through all those shitty guys things could have been different. But he’s let this go on for far too long, and now you’re the one that was paying the price.

“Y/N I have feelings for you.”

Your neck nearly breaks with how fast your head snaps up. He’s the one looking away now, his cheeks a bit rosy as he tries to hide himself. He isn’t doing a very good job though, his hair is only shadowing his eyes and you can clearly see the way he’s nervously chewing on his lip; a cute habit you have grown fond of these past couple of weeks.

If he didn’t look like he does right now, you’d assume he was messing around. But you know Jisung. You know his small little gestures and what they mean by now. You know when he’s being serious and when he’s telling a lie. He can look someone dead in the eye and lie to them, but when he tells the truth, he becomes shy and worried that he’s said the wrong thing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask softly, gently reaching for his hand. The subtle contact makes him flinch, reacting by pulling your hand away. But his eyes meet your sympathetic ones, sparkling just like they always do, and he knows what he wants.

Jisung’s hand reaches back for yours, lacing his fingers through yours before giving your hand a light squeeze. “You hate relationships,” he chuckles lightly, the mood of the room instantly shifting as the laughter leaves his lips.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you,” you correct him, but your voice comes across as just a whisper. He’s close enough to hear though, a blushing grin forming on his face as you shyly look away. His heart flutters when he hears it, a million butterflies erupting in his tummy all at once.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you too,” he coos, his eyes wide and sparkling as he looks at you with such adoration.

Time moves in slow motion as his hand meets your cheek, your eyes look deeply into his chocolate ones as he moves in closer. As your eyelids flutter shut his tongue runs across his bottom lip, wetting the surface before closing the distance between you. Finally.

And in that moment you’re at peace. Everything you thought you’ve ever hated, love, relationships, and maybe Jisung for a hot second, are the only things that you long for. The 14 days don’t have to be over, and your days no longer have to be counted. When you’re with Jisung you’re happy, you’re comfortable, and you're confident that he can give you what you have always deserved – but have never gotten.

His lips move against yours in slow, languid motions, his large hands holding you close like he’s holding on for dear life. But you won’t leave even if you want to, not now, not after all this.

Slowly, Jisung shifts his weight and you move in succession. He’s laying you down on his bed, gently climbing over you without breaking the kiss. Things are becoming more heated now, you can feel it as his hungry lips devour your own. Your chest heaves up to meet his, your back arching off the mattress as his hands begin to scour your body. The heat pooling in between your legs is growing, an aching sensation overwhelming your core as your own hands reach up to rake through his long, fluffy hair. And you can tell he wants you too, the thin fabric of his sweatpants doing little to conceal the growing erection pressing against your thigh.

You can’t help but let out a steep moan as his hips begin to grind into yours. Needy groans fall past his lips and onto yours as you roll your hips upwards to meet his small ruts.

In a leisurely motion, Jisung’s body is moving upwards, his knee finding a place between your legs as he brings himself up to a kneeling position. You chase his lips the entire way there, sitting up straight to be sure the contact doesn’t vanish, too consumed by your need for him to leave his lips.

And then his needy hands are running along the waistband of your sweats, fiddling with the tie before breaking your heated kiss. “Is this okay?” His words come out in a whisper, his eyes searching yours for any signs of doubt, but all he sees is lust.

“Yes,” you confirm, out of breath from making-out for so long without coming up for air. The lightheaded feeling taking over you goes unnoticed though, and quite frankly you’re too caught up in Jisung to care.

Quickly, he rids you of your pants, looking back up at you for confirmation about your underwear. With an affirmative nod he’s removing those too, leaving you completely bare from the waist down as he stands over you fully clothed.

But soon he’s ridding himself of his own clothing, his shirt being pulled at the nape of his neck as he discards it across the room. He’s leaning back down to you, hungry for the feeling of your lips. He misses it, even though it's been less than a minute since he’s last felt your smooth lips on his.

You won’t open your eyes to see, but with the shuffling movements and shaky connection between your mouths you can tell Jisung is stripping himself of any remaining clothing he has on. He’s needy, unable to wait any longer to get down to business, he’s already waited long enough.

You’re the one who breaks the kiss this time, too curious to see what he’s sporting down below for your own good. But you are not disappointed once you see it – he’s long and girthy; the pigment a shade or two darker from his skin tone than the rest of his body. Your thoughts are wandering, wondering what it's like to have him inside of you; dreaming about what he feels like. Arousal pools at your core, mouth salivating as your daydreams linger.

“Like what you see?” Jisung chuckles. You barely notice that you’ve been staring, eyes wide and focused on the hardened dick before you, which is probably a bit uncomfortable for him.

“Sorry!” You cringe at yourself lightly, covering your eyes in embarrassment in fear that you just ruined the mood you’ve worked too hard to create.

“Don’t apologise,” he smiles as he grabs your wrists, moving them away from your round eyes. Scrunching your nose in displeasure, you catch your lip in between your teeth, mentally face palming at how weird you’re being.

He couldn’t blame you though, it was taking everything in him not to gawk at you. It was the first time you’ve seen eachother naked. Bathing suits did little for your imagination, not that you had even thought about Jisung this way before.

But he eases your nerves by coming down face level with you, reaching for your shirt and pulling it up over your head. You look at him with wide eyes, taking in each part of him as he caresses your body gently. He’s in awe of you like this. So relieved that you’re finally his, that he has you like this.

Nimble fingers dance down your body, landing at your core as he runs one up your slit, collecting your arousal on his fingertip. An impressed smirk grows slowly on his face, “I can’t believe you’re this wet already,” he hums. “All for me.”

His eyes remain focused on your center, devouring it with his eyes as his hands hold steady on your thighs. You can’t help but grow slightly embarrassed, dripping with arousal so early on though he’s barely touched you. A lump forms in your throat causing you to swallow thickly – this doesn’t go unnoticed by Jisung.

A concerned expression crosses his face, brow furrowing as he moves his hands upward to settle on your waist. “Hey,” his voice is soft, gentle and full of worry, “everything okay?”

“Just nervous,” you answer, a fake smile showing on your face to try and combat your own emotions.

It is no secret that Jisung is a bit more experienced than you are in bed. He knows that, you know that, and that is enough to turn you into a nervous wreck. Leave it to your own thoughts to ruin the moment.

“We don’t have to…”

“No!” Your voice comes out a little too eager, a bit loud, shocking Jisung. His eyes widen in response, body jolting from the impact of your tone. “No,” you say more gently this time, “I want to.”

You did want to – you just have to get over your own nerves first. Lucily, Jisung didn’t mind and was willing to guide you through it.

With a reassuring smile plastered across his face, he laces his fingers through yours. As you lock eyes, you nod him onward, giving him the go-ahead to continue. He moves languidly, his fingers moving back down to trace your slit once more. The sensation makes you tense, the nerves tingling through your body making it difficult for you to calm down.

But with a reassuring squeeze of his hand to yours, you’re taking a deep breath. Closing your eyes as you lie your head backwards onto his pillowcase. The smell of him consumes you, relaxing you effectively as his fingers meet the entrance of your core.

Shivers run through your body as he dips one finger inside. Your arousal acts as a natural lube, letting his finger glide gracefully into you. You gasp at the sensation, eyes rolling back into your head as he begins caressing your walls. His finger moves swiftly in and out of your core, his other hand still locked with yours to guide you through.

With your body finally relaxing, Jisung is able to add another finger into the mix. The extra pressure makes you shudder for a moment, taking a little to adjust to the greater size inside of you. Thankfully the mild discomfort subsides, and he’s able to pump his fingers in and out once more.

He’s making sure to watch each of your expressions, growing harder and harder just from watching your face contort in bliss. With each of his movements you bite down harder onto your lip, focusing on him and him only.

“You’re doing so well,” he praises as his thumb rubs circles over your hand soothing you. You can feel your heart swell at his words, heat beginning to rise to your cheeks.

In one swift motion, Jisung begins to separate his fingers, stretching your walls as his digits move in scissor-like motions inside you. “Fuck,” you mumble, hips jutting forward in reaction.

A steep moan leaving your lips as he brings his fingers back together, just to extend them once more. Your body is quickly getting used to the pressure, begging for more as you roll your hips.

He can sense that you’re eager from your movements alone. With one final squeeze, his hand is leaving yours. The empty feeling in your palm is unpleasant. But once you open your eyes and notice he’s using it to palm himself, his fingers groping around his length and beginning to pump slowly, that empty feeling is replaced with something else.

Your mouth salivates with desire, hungry for the feeling of him inside of you. He’s aroused you enough, and you’re too eager to feel him for your own good.

“Jisung,” you moan, “fuck me please.”

His cock jumps in reaction to your words, his chest heaving as his breath catches in his throat. Never in his life did he expect to hear those words come out of your mouth – but he wouldn't mind hearing it again.

“Hmm?” He hums, knowing damn well what you said but being greedy enough to pretend that he didn’t. You whine in response, your legs shaking on the bed in a mini temper-tantrum.

“Please,” you drag out, “please fuck me.”

Your words are music to his ears. He removes his fingers from your dripping cunt, grabbing the backs of your knees to pull you closer to him and hike your legs up over his hips.

“Anything for you.”

Complying to your wish, he lines the tip of his cock up with your entrance. The feeling of his smooth head against your core is enough to make you moan, your head thrown back to expose the soft skin of your neck.

Jisung takes this as an opportunity to leave his own mark behind, leaning down to attach his lips to your skin. You gasp as his teeth graze your skin, his plump lips sucking harshly before his tongue is swiping over the area to soothe it.

But your eyes open once he’s beginning to pull away to look at you. His eyes are dark, full of lust mixed with adoration, a sigh of relief leaving his chest as he gazes down at you under him. There’s a lot going on in his head right now. Of all the emotions swirling around, the thing he’s most focused on is how lucky he is to have you.

And before you know it, he’s leaning down. Pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, making you smile. One more kiss is left on your forehead before he's pulling back, securing the position of your legs on his hips.

And then he’s realigning himself with your core, pushing past your entrance and slowly descending into the depths of your pussy. He’s moving slowly, taking his time as he thrusts into you. The delicious stretch is unfamiliar, but it's not uncomfortable – like you were made just for him. A simultaneous groan leaves your lips as he bottoms out, the tip of his cock pressing deep into you on a spot that’s gone untouched.

He hums a sigh of contempt before pulling back, only to rock his hips into you once again. Your velvety walls welcome him delightedly, soft whimpers leaving your lips once he bottoms out again.

“Y/N,” your name leaves his lips in a low grunt, the bones of his pelvis driving into your skin as he begins to pick up his pace. In reaction you clench down on him, orgasm beginning to loom overhead with each movement of his hips.

Desire fills your senses as you roll your hips over to meet his thrusts. His movements are slow and intentional, making sure to bottom out each time to watch you squirm over his dick. He loves how your jaw drops each time his tip presses against your g-spot, knowing just when he hits it each time.

Jisung’s teeth are barred, sweat gathering at his brow as his dark fluffy hair sticks to his face. He’s trying to hold himself back, the overwhelming urge to finish just in reach, but he doesn’t want to stop. So his hands roam your body to try and distract him, his palms caressing up the sides of your torso as your back bridges into him. The feeling of hot breath fans over your face with each sigh he lets out.

But the tightening knot in your stomach is threatening to snap with every movement of his hips. It's getting harder and harder to hold on with the power of his thrusts growing stronger.

“Jisung,” you whine, “so close” your hands find his back, fingernails dragging down his spine in attempts to ground yourself. Jisung’s face contorts as your nails pierce his skin, leaving lines of red scratches down the length of his posterior.

The stretch from his length and his rhythmic motions sends your senses into overdrive. Squeezing your eyes shut and grasping onto the sheets underneath you, you can taste the brink of your orgasm. Jisung is focused; his grip on your thighs strong and his face contorted with bliss. But all you can think about is how stupid you could have been if you had decided to just cut him out. What matters is that you’re here with him now, and the thought of that is enough to push you over the edge.

Your breath hitches in your throat, stomach twisting and turning as your pussy throbs repeatedly around his member. Emotions running high, three words almost slip past your lips, but with the small amount of strength you can muster up, you hold them back. Another time, some time that isn't so lust filled like this one.

Jisung’s thrusts are growing sloppy. His grip on your legs tightening as his lip is caught between his teeth. And with just a few quick thrusts, he’s coming undone inside of you. White, hot spurts of cum paint your walls, filling you up and making you feel so unbelievably full.

You’ve always felt close to Jisung – he knew everything about you and vice versa; but this time was different. The way his hands settled on your legs, bringing them down gently after finishing. How his eyes are becoming so soft as he looks at you, a lazy grin pulling at his lips. You’ve never felt closer to Jisung as you do in the moment. As his body collapses next to yours, pulling you in and holding you close as you recover from your highs, you’re completely at peace.

“Sorry I got carried away, I guess I should have asked if you’re on birth control still,” he laughs, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Don’t worry, I am,” you chuckle alongside him.

Your naked bodies tangle together, his leg weaving its way through yours to be as close to you as possible. He’s intoxicated by you, closing his eyes as he rests against your body in complete bliss. Now that he has you this close he never wants to let go; and neither do you.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice is soft, whisper like but still holding confidence; his tone never falters.

“Anything.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

Butterflies erupt in your tummy, your heart thudding in your chest as heat rises to your cheeks. He loves you. It's not that friendship kind of love anymore; it's the relationship kind. The same kind that makes your heart skip a beat and body riddle with every emotion in the book. The kind that keeps you up all night thinking about – but also helps you fall asleep, knowing he’ll be there in the morning.

And all of a sudden it seems so stupid that you were fighting those words back in the heat of the moment just a few minutes ago. He felt it too, you always knew that.

“I love you, Jisung.”

Being in love is a dumb concept. All guys suck, relationships are stupid and love is a social construct that you didn’t feel like conforming to. There was absolutely no one that you would waste your time on, until Jisung came around. What you had been looking for your entire life has always been right infront of your eyes – you were just too dumb to see it.

Maybe love is alright, after all.

↠ A/N this fic has been rewritten/reconcepted from my previous BTS fic Crush Culture.

#stray kids smut #han jisung smut #kdiner #kwritersworldnet #stayracha #kafenetwork #skz x reader #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #han jisung #jisung x reader #jisung smut #jisung fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #han jisung x reader #skz jisung fanfic #jisung fanfic

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alfredolover119 · 4 years ago

Note

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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xgryffinwhore · 4 years ago

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mama i’m in love with a hitman

summary: two years with barry what could go wrong? oh yeah hes a murderer-

warnings: some angst, marriage proprosal oop-

you had originally begun acting because it was the only affordable option to get you some time away from your family. ya, you still lived with your family.

anyways, acting became kind of like a release for you. you had been going for about 4 months now, you loved everyone you worked with, they were such great people.

then one day, barry berkman showed up,

and basically changed your life.

the first day you saw him, your heart basically feel out of your ass. holy shit was this guy hot; tall, mysterious, and awkward as hell. perfect.

you took him under your wing, immediately engaging with him and bugging him about his person endeavors and whatnot. you two became inseparable, youre bascially the only reason he even uses his messaging app.

you showed him the ropes of LA, giving him tours of sketchy venues, shitty Chinese restaurants. you always felt so awful for him, dragging him around to every place.

"I'm sorry, barry, im just trying to give you the full LA experience"

"its ok, being seen with the prettiest girl in LA isnt so bad"

yeah, one thing led to another, and you had moved into barry's apartment a year after. your relationship was strong; you cuddle, argue, fuck, all of that modern day romance contraband.

everything was exceptional, other than the fact that he was dragging his feet on marrying you...

yeah, you had dropped some major hints. wedding magazines everywhere, leaving honeymoon deals up on the desktop, evening face timing your friend and talking obnoxiously loud about the idea of getting hitched.

tomorrow was your two year anniversary, and you two had been buzzing about it all week, all the lovey dovey language and such.

"babe, tomorrows the day" he squeezed your shoulders from behind you. you were sitting at the coffee table, and he had just served you toast. "i know old man, didnt think we'd last did ya?" "first of all, im only like four years older than you, second" he kissed you on your temple "i knew you were the one."

in the midst of sipping your coffee and passing back and forth news papers, barry’s phone begins to vibrate; the name “Fuches” catches your eye. who was fuches and why did barry have to step out of the room to answer it?

when he came back he looked ghostly, his complexion pale and his lips quivering slightly. “all ok?” you ask, trying to sound lowkey; “uh um- yep. just have to head out for a bit, they need me at work.”

he left abruptly after, grabbing a hat and his black coat. weird. it was the middle june.

you hadn’t heard from him all day, except for a text at lunch that said

barry: Won’t be home tonight, dont forget to lock up.

your heart sunk, the day before your two year. i mean really what was his damage? you didn’t realize how hard it was to fall asleep without him, you tossed and turned until you eventually caved in and called.

ring...... ring.....

ring..........ring......

‘hey! it’s barry berk-uh um block! leave a message if you want to i guess um ok bye howthefuck do i turnthisthing off-OHH!’

oh how you missed that dorky man, true, it had only been a few hours but his touch was your saving grace. the line beeped and you decided to leave him something

“aha hey bar, y/n here. beds cold without you. miss you. be safe.”

the night way cold and long, you were drifting to sleep. but you heard the front door jangle. you sleepily run down the hall way and run straight into barry. you hugged him, his bosy was stiff and he was trying to inch away from you. "bar!" you whined looking up at him, his nose was bloody and he had a black eye.

“bar?” you wiped his cupid’s bow, the sleepy haze quickly wearing off. he pushes past you “just fell, please just wait for me in bed.” by the time you caught up with him at the bathroom, the door was already shut.

you heard the shower turn on, and you could hear him faintly hiss in pain. he was in there for a while, by the time he got back you could hear the birds chirp, which means it must have been close to 5 am. the sun was still down, and you watch his dark figure slip into bed next you to.

“i love you.” he whispered

“i love you too.” you turned to face him, you knew something was up, you knew he had been hiding something.

“you always leave in the night, when i’m sleeping you always leave barry. is it another women?” barry’s face contorts into a confused scribble. “y/n what? you’re the only one.”

“then why don’t you tell me what you’re really up to. go’s we’ve been dating for two years and you can’t even tell me why you sneak away in the night?!”

barry grabs your hands and puts them close to his face “god y/n i’m sorry happy two years” he gushed and kisses your fingers. a tear trailed down his stubbly cheek. “there are just things i can’t tell you because i don’t want to lose you.”

this hurt you, barry knew all of your deepest secrets, the things you never told anyone other then him. all of this had you worked up, how could he speak to you this way the day of your two year mark? despite his protests, you packed a tooth brush and drove to your friends to stay the night. this was just too much for 3am, you needed space. to clear your head.

you didnt sleep at all that night, you nodded off from 8am to 10, your friend waking you up. "girl i know you dont want to hear this... but barry is outside, hes been parked here since 9" she threw your jeans at you "now go outside and work this shit out, im not prepared to deal with your heart boken ass."

so you put on jeans, and headed for disaster.

you came outside, 'sleepy always looks so good on her' barry thought to himself. you loved him so much, it was so hard to fight with him.

"listen bar, im sorry im just sensitive you know th-"

"y/n"

barry never interrupted you. for as long as you remember there has never once been a time where barry talked over you, or interrupted what you were saying. its something you loved about him, he always seemed so interested in what you had to say, he thought your words where so important.

"yes?"

he pulled a rolled up magazine out of his pack pocket, it was yours, it had faded circles on what cakes and dresses you wanted. he unrolled it and scurried to the 5th page. he pointed at the big raise ranch that you put exclamation points next to.

"this house, i want this house."

he went to the 8th page.

"and this car, we could have that if i stop going to wendys so much"

he giggled to himself and mumbled something about how he knows a guy that can re pair a cooling system.

'uh-um ok barry, what does this have to do with anything? house, car, is this what you drove over here to tell me? you want a better car? you need a bigger house."

he shook his head and trialed to the second page with that beautiful sheath wedding dress, you remembered that.

"youll wear this yeah? some time in the early fall. wouldnt that be nice, still warm, and the leaves-oh the leaves- orange and yellow bring out your eyes so i just figured."

he pulled out the rock, and shit, it didn’t disappoint. you’re not materialistic but what the FUCK?! how did he even afford that-

he slipped it on your finger and you both embraced. messy kisses all over whatever skin you two could find. it was bliss, it was happiness.

you hugged for a while. just sat there reflecting on how far you two had come, and how happy he was going to make you feel for the res rod your life. it’s crazy, you thought marriage wasn’t in the cards for you. but with barry, you can see 5 kids, a dog, and a stupid picket fence.

you were so captured in this moment, you didn’t notice barry’s demeanor change. you looked up and him, he was pale white, staring behind his shoulder at the street. you leaned over his forearm and saw a beat up mom car.

in it was a shaggy dude, didn’t look too much older then barry. he was plump in the face, and his face was aged.

“fuches!?” barry exclaimed.

“come on. we have a hit, i habe your sniper in the back. now.”

another WHAT?

#bill hader #bill hader imagine #bill hader fluff #barry #barry berkman #barry block #barry bergman imagine #barry berkman fluff #fluff #angst #barry x reader #barry x you #barry fluff #marriage

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nonbinary-sticks-the-badger · 9 months ago

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heres my epiphany about being an evil sicko heterophobe who wants to disrupt the status quo and make your kids gay /j

over the past few months ive noticed ive been becoming increasingly more averse to straight/heteronormative ships. ik it isnt the end of the world and like. straight people arent oppressed for anything queer people arent also oppressed for. but its been bugging me because while heterophobia is such a non-problem that i was hesitant to even type out the word, simply reversing the roles doesnt really make it any better unless its for a hypothetical scenario. whatever you have to say about it, an aversion to a perfectly fine relationship just because its straight isn't necessarily the worst evil in the world but at the same time thats still a bad thing

and i mean for a little bit i was able to shut that part of me up! when done right, i honestly love sonamy. its just such a pleasant little ship. and also now ive got the tag blocked and consider myself a sonamy anti. ik it sounds really silly. "oh boo hoo, you don't ship the cartoon hedgehogs, whatever." and it is really silly. but its not just that. literally every other straight ship i like is either because the characters look good together/have interesting aesthetic combos (eg shadamy) OR i actually like the relationship but i cant bring myself to love it like other ships

again, not liking a straight ship isn't the be all and end all of everything, but i think back to this sonamy comic i saw months ago that i HATED. this morning i pictured amy as one of the guys in sonic and it was fine. i pictured sonic as one of the girls and it was fine. like i dont care if its not a serious problem, i dont wanna be like that.

and then i think about other ships im a fan of. i like a lot of straight mario ships, for example, so long as its not rosalina with a guy or waluigi with a woman. but then i remember WHY i like those ships. my favourite straight ship of all time is probably luaisy. theyre a really cute couple and i love them to bits!!! and then i remember i h/c them both as bi and trans, specifically t4t as well. this extends to other ships too. in fact, i love LOADS of straight pairings, so long as theyre actually not romantic and queerplatonic instead. put simply, i feel a need for some hint of queerness in EVERY ship.

and so i wondered why. why do i care? why do i have irrational hatred for a fictional boy and girl kissing if it isnt exactly how i like it? and then i thought back to when i didnt even slightly have that hatred and connected any two characters who i thought might possibly have something appealing out of a relationship. it was probably year 9, a few years ago. so what was the difference?

my friends.

back in year 9, i was surrounded by queer people, offline, online, real and fictional. now, however, a lot of them have realised theyre straight or drifted apart. its not their fault, thats just who they are and im glad theyre happy. as for the friends who drifted apart, theres not much i can do. but the only close queer friends i have who i have actually met in person are 1) my cousin who lives on the other side of the country and 2) the people who i see in summer school. summer school is 1 week a year btw.

obviously i dont lack queer friends. ive got loads online. but people arent kidding when they say your life will be vastly improved by being in physical queer spaces. my town's too small to organise any real pride events, so i cant really find new queer friends NEARBY very easily. i love my online friends, i really do, but even if we video called every day, it can never quite get on the same level as being in the same room as your friend. in other words, i feel slightly isolated when it comes to being queer. i guess thats why im looking forward to sixth form so much: i DESPERATELY want to meet someone more like me. not just in being queer, but being queer is a great place to start

so, if that does happen, maybe ill stop being like this and calm the hell down. i really hope i do because its genuinely annoying when you have an irrational aversion to something completely fine

im really tired but i literally just had an epiphany hold on

#not sonic

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antiloreolympus · 4 years ago

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12 Anti LO Asks

1. STOP why are those two panels of her trying to not be a bringer of death literally two obviously different pink hues???? hello??? does this comic not have quality control??

2.Alrighty, read the recent chapter (not the fast pass but the one before) and I have questions

So like, All the side characters are back now I guess? (Also I totally forgot that Artemis went to visit Hermes - how many chapters ago was that even?)

Did... Thanatos and Daphne get together / move in together off screen?? Why is there random narration all of a sudden when LO has Never had it before? (At least that I can remember) - and who's narrating?? Why does one of the side characters need to die? Am I supposed to be invested after RS ignored them for like 20 chapters? (At least its a break from the super slow burn of HxP)

Is this going to effect the overarching plot at all? Do you think RS is gonna try and flip the myths again? (Eros + Psyche, Echo + Narcissus, Apollo + Daphne, etc. Thanatos?)

Also, yeah whats been going on with Hera since she had that Kronos premonition? Why does Daphne sound so happy / smug about Demeters probable heart attack when she eventually finds out about Persephone being in the underworld with Hades? (Whenever RS gets to that).

And what happened to Zeus being all pissy with Persephone and the Trial?

Why are there so many unconnected plot threads? I cant keep up with them all! (It also doesn't help that RS just expects readers to remember all this info after ignoring it - like Artemis going to visit Hermes).

3. If we're being completely blunt and honest here... There's no happy ending for LO. Even if RS ends it on LO Hades and Persephone being "happily" married, you can tell by his past actions that LO Hades will just keep "switching out" for "newer models", so to speak. He'll keep getting mistresses. He'll keep financially manipulating women until they get away from him (one way or another).

4. ok but as a character designer? red and pink are KNOWN CLASHERS. there's a reason ariel's marketing is all in a green/teal/purple gown now instead of the pink one she wears in the movie. pink + red, especially a very saturated, blue-undertoned pink like persephone is, are a HUGE ARTISTIC NO-NO. she needs to get a refund from whatever color theory teacher she had because they l i e d to her.

5. ok but. how cool would it have been if it was trans persephone, and kore was her stand-in (similar to a deadname, but not quite the same) until she decided on her official new name, persephone? if smythe wanted a name-change so bad she could have done so much cooler, better stuff. mtf persephone would make 'becoming a queen/princess' SO much more significant. girl you were already an heiress to begin with stfu.

6. i say this as a transgender man: sometimes smythe's art legit looks like rcdart's stuff. the weird racial features, the huge hips and tits, the dorito-men? she's cis rcdart.

7. when its the korean imported stuff the webtoons team has to market it themselves and do as best as they can, off the translations, but western made stuff like LO has the creators all input on the marketing (duh, they made the images and banners) so the "Hell" connection is very much Rachel's doing, which kinda implies she doesn't exactly know the Hades mythology or even seems to care if Hell seems more "spicy" and "sexy".

8. no more persephone x hades. if the antis hate us making OCs so much, someone should design cyane! you know. the nymph who literally died trying to protect her?

9. To that one anon - about Apollo needing to drive the sun chariot - Helios is still up there. He could perform the duty of leading the sun across the sky.

10. oh lo apollo is pretty clearly based off someone rachel knew and was harmed by IRL, which like if that's so then go to therapy? get help? dont take out your issues on a real god from a real place and pretend you're the second coming for homer for the bastardization of a real country's mythology and culture.

11. So you guys know that famous statue "the rape of Persephone"? I think RS took it a little too literally. While the title states 'rape' its more of an allusion to kidnapping than anything else.

Or perhaps it's titled like that to draw a comparison between the violation of Persephone's personhood, her identity and her lack of agency in the situation.

I mean, when people hear the name Persephone they tend to think of Hades wife and the story of how she was kidnapped against her will.

I think perhaps RS saw the statue and confused rape with kidnapping - or decided to conflate the two. She wanted persephone to be kidnapped And raped (for plot reasons), and thus, further stripped away Persephone's agency regarding the situation (because in some versions of the myth after Persephone is kidnapped she finds she is actually ok with the underworld so long as Hades treats her with respect - which he does).

But because RS wants Hades to be the MVP she decided (for some reason) the villify Apollo (who yes, Demeter mythologically does have beef with, but Not for that reason).

12. Alright hold on a moment - in some versions of the myth Persephone Did wander down to the underworld by herself (because, if I recall, she heard the sorrow filled voices of the dead and wanted to help them) - and in some versions of the myth Hades isnt even present - its just Persephone ruling the underworld by herself like the badass queen she is.

Also, yes - Demeter was a loving mother who grieved for her daughter and she had every right too - but I wouldn't say Persephones kidnapping was entirely Hades' fault (as the comic points out Zeus "gifted" Persephone to Hades *real Dad of the year there*).

Also also in some versions of the myth of the Kidnapping of Persephone - Hades is noted as a pretty mild mannered God - he is respectful of Persephone and seems to love her (and yes, depending on the myth Persephone either ate the pomegranate seeds on purpose or because Hades tricked her) - there are many different variations of the myth. There isnt really a "agreed upon narrative" by everyone - as far as I know.

I think most versions of the story state that neither Hades nor Demeter were pleased with Zeus decision to have Persephone stay 6 months with each of them, but because she ate the pomegranate seeds it was a kind of rule that she had to stay for each seed she ate, hence the 6 months.

If you guys want to get some more broad details of the myth I suggest OSP's "Hades and Persephone" video - which goes a bit more into the canon.

So overall I would say, yes Demeter was a loving mother who grieved her daughter (who was stolen - in most versions) AND Hades was comparatively a decent husband, despite his flaws. Both these statements can coexist - I promise.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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thelesbianlegacy-swtor · 4 years ago

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OC list of the MMO LESBIAN

SarapAlexandria Duvel <3 Vette

Sith Warrior

Human, brown short hair, 1,78, D cups, she likes dressin on armor that is bulkier than a tank or in a tank top and leggings. Dark eyes and light skin

Lesbian. LOVES toys in bed

Headcannons

Has a personal Dreagnough that she uses as a colliseum. She has taken into training new sith in combat. More than her apprentices they are more of gladiators for her to fight.

Kinda crazy. Likes to bounce around and do Tons of damage. She is feroucios about defending the Empire and believes that the republic is doomed. Has archived the impossible more than a dozen times so no plan is to crazy or stupid for her. Gratefully, her wife knows what is too stupid or too crazy and so she fixes those plans so her big sith girl can go fight monsters and other people.

Married Vette. Only she can make her laught so much that she forgets she is angry. The tiny girl is so adorable and so cute and jsut so horny for Alexandria that the two of them spend 3 months on a horny induced honeymoon. Even now after the war with zakuul they keep having more honeymoons whenever they get the chance.

She wasnt all that hurt by Quinns betratal. Like, hey man fatman told you to kill me so no biggie- But from now on you are my bitch and i will bully you over all this k?

Jaesa kinda bugs her. She is Dark side but not SO crazy but still she is kinda...tiny. Alexandria likes to challenge her to crazy stuff and she always gets on trouble with her, but Jaesa is so young and sometimes weak that

Pierce is her best freind. A total madman when it comes to battle, a blootthirsty man that will not doubt in choosing violence but also super trusthworthy and she knows he will stop her from getting killed in stupid ways

For her Broonmark is her fluffy monster! Just point release and watch blood by spilled. She makes him shower after every bottle and use proucts on his hair cause she likes how soft he gets.

She remains a free agent causing chaos everywhere. She is not quick to kill always tho. If she got a good fight with someone she will usually let them live so they can fight again.

She is the most sexually proactive girl around. She will get every pair of cute or hot tiddies on a bed along side Vette. She is a bit dom and doesnt like playing sub, but she will play passive.

Master of Shien and Juyo, she likes to go crazy with a lightsaber and destroying the place but doesnt really like dual wielding

Seraphine <3 Temple

Sith Agent. New code name: Specter

Cyborg, mostly internal components on her eye, brain and bones. 1,96M, Long hair, usually red but she likes dying it. C cups, She wishses to get more tits but she has to be stealthy. She likes using loose clothes with lots of cleavege. She isnt a fan of bras.

Lesbian Switch. Likes bondage and public stuff. She can and will play any part on roleplay. From the scared virgin to the cruel dominatrix

Headcannons

A master of hidding on plain sight. Seraphine is the kind of woman who blends everywhere. She likes attention from the spotlight just to let it go 5 minutes later. She has the talent of being so likeable that any girl that gets close to her on bed, never gets mad with her for leaving or just going for another girl. She also has a perfect memory and will remember how you like to be touch, how much you moan or what kind of cnadies you like when you are on your days. She is as soft as she is Ruthless. She has never regret killing anyone for more than an hour. Unless she kils someone she has slept with she will pull the triger no matter what. This includes civilians, wounded and allies. After Chapter 3 she left the identity of Cypher 9 and became a shadow agent for the Empire. Her new code name: Specter.

After the War with Zakuul she was left on charge ofthe Alliance by Darth Nox. Both the Ex Imperial Wrath and the Supreme Huntress stayed behind with her.

She doesnt like Kaliyo. No. She is no fun. She likes to hurt and doesnt look after girls. She was particulary angry at her at the start because she would try to get on the way of her time with other girls. So Seraphine got Kaliyo a cute chasity belt and allowed her to focus on chaos outside the bedroom. That way they both can get what they want. Chaos and attention.

Vector is her special little guy. Confident. Trusthworthy. But really fun to mess up with. Seraphine tells him to do weird stuff just to get a laught at weird situation. She also helps him send money for Killik Joiners. She likes that he is simple

Lokin is a weird guy for Seraphine.He could do a lot of stuff with the ragkghoul virus but she likes that he is quiet and calm. She likes trying tea with him

Ensign Temple is the only girl that has kept Seraphine attention span for more than 1 night. She likes her a lot because she cant read her as well as other people and so she makes her angry just to learn more about her. She forgot how it felt to get to know someone through time and so she likes to keep her around. She also likes Temple is super organized and loyal

Seraphine can never choose fast between either a big rifle or a tiny blade under her dress. She likes how chaos erupts after a person gets shots down but she also likes to be close when her target takes their last breath

FUCK SCORPIO UwU

Arthemys Delos <3 Mako

Huntress

Built like a tank, She likes lifting Mako to train her big guns. She is a cyborg with lots of internal components and a cybernetic leg (left) She isnt the tallest girl, she is 169 (nice) but she has the biggest tiddies. She carries two E cups that she loves to put on Mako’s face. She has black short hair

Lesbian

Total top but wont say no to being topped every know and then

Headcannons

Money,gambling, explosions and pretty girls, Arthemis cares for little more than that. As long as she can fire guns, gamble money and have a bed with a pretty girl on it she will do an job. She loves hunting animals and will almost never reject a bounty. What she wont do, is just say yes to any quest or mission. She can get money as easy as she can waste it and so throwin credits at her doesnt work. Only if the work isnt something she dislikes or too easy or boring she will do it. She has a few internal implants after playing with grenades when she was young.

Mako is hers. Hers alone. She wont let her go beyon her sight and will actually get restless for being away from her too long. Arthemis is possesive which Mako kinda likes.

The two of them likes being on top of eachother as much as possible but a extra pair of hands or tiddies make them both pretty happy. Most of the time, is actually Mako who gets the girl.

Gault is jsut too fun not to keep around. Arthemis wouldnt call him his best friend becuase she suspects the guys can be bought but he is fun either way. She like getting a lot of money with him and then wasting it all or just not taking the pay,just to mess up with him.

Torian is fun. Sometimes. He is a mandalorian and she likes fighting strong people. But Torian is a bit more serious that she would like. She doesnt like people dying because then she cant fight them again and so she doesnt like some decisions of the mandalorian. But at the end of the day the trust that the two share is one of a brotherhood.

Blizz. God Damm Blizz. When Arthemis got Mako on her bed and then into her family she thought she coulnt be happier. She was wrong. The little jawa makes everything better. As chaotic as her and even weirder than Gault, Arthemis just cant stop keeping the jawa around

YOU READ MY COMMENT ABOUT SCORPIO? WELL THAT X2

Selendis likes using two big guns to shot down her enemies. She doesnt really enjoy going around in huge armor so she keeps herself kinda light. But her armor is still a bit big. Why you ask? Cause she loves the feeling of having not only a flamethrower but also grenades, missiles, hooks and electric weapons all stuffed in her body.

Selendis <3 Lana and Senya

Sith Inquisitor

Sith girl with piercing orange eus and long amazing black hair. She is 182 and as sith that focus on range combat, she took the luxury of enhancing her breasts to a nice DD cups. She doesnt like jewelry but she has a few tattoos.

Sorcerer

Lesbian. The one to dom them all.

No amount of girls is too much when it comes to Selendys

A proud, stylish and master manipulator Selendis believes that the empire can be improved but even in its current state is better than the republic. She is patient and ruthless and wont stop until the galaxy is back on order. She left the alliance and took overthe sith empire after letting Acina step down. Seriously, no killing her just “Try and stop me from getting the throne”

Khem Val is her personal monster. A warrior of another time which she swears wont ever be forgotten. She has taken into redacting whatever information the dashade gives her. She has task him ith protecting everyone she deems worthy of her interest

Andronikos is a fun and interesting man. He is a pirate with experience and a code. Hard things to find. Selendis enjoys him being slipery and smartass. She also enjoys the acces to the underworld the man provides. Over all she likes that the betrayed man has once more put his trust on someone. She wont abuse it but she prides herself of it

Ashara. The little puppy. She has learn about the dark side and the sith and yet she keeps herself on a reaching point from the jedi order. Still she has a point of view that is useful and welcome. She has teached her everything useful that she could learnt.

Talos. Oh Talos. A men of science and interest. Selendis has swear to protect the smart man just so he can see for once history being made instead of being discovered. Most of the time she has free, she will spent researching stuff with Talos and discussing history

Xalek. Selendis attack dog. A simple desire of the young Kaleesh allowed Selendis to craft a magnificent Student. Xalek belived that she was a god. And so Selendis tasked Xalek to forget about being a kaleesh god, and instead become a sith god. Strength, power, and victory.

Lana Beniko. From the first time Selendis met Lana she was intrigue. A sith that kept her rage and hate deep withing her, so she could serve the empire better. Selendis wasted no time in seducing the sith and keeping her under her control. But soon Selendis lost control and ended up loving her. Lana became her source of power. She would burn the galaxy for her. She also fancid her cute ass and the way she lost control.

Senya Tirall. Selendis doesnt do well with betrayal. And so after defeating Arcann, she was left quite angry when Senya saved him. So, after the war with Zakuul, Selendis threw Senya into a prison and slowly made her crumble. Telling her that both Arcann and Vaylin were death, Offering herself as the only ally, and then leaving her alone. Selendis broke Senya and put her back together in a way that she would enjoy. Despite being more of a pet than a lover, Selendis does love her in her wn special way, and wont let her be hurt.

REPUBLIC OCS

Cassandra (Cassie) Jedi Knight <3 kIRA She tiny! She is 165, amber eyes,C cups she likes to hide on a sport bra and to fight, she has a few scars over her back and shoulder (horny origin) She specialies on Djem So but likes using two lightsbaers instead of one Lesbian Total Bottom girl. Tsundere (will be all agressive but you pet her once and she will melt on your arms)

T7-01 The crimemaster, Teseven will always be there to push Cassie towards any female individual just so Cassie can stop winning about not having a girlfriend. Each time it works, but Cassie ends up lossing the contact or getting pulled out from plannet by the council

Kira. Or like Cassie likes to call her, babe! Cassie was sweap of her feat by how chaotic her padawan was an how incredible persistent she was on taking baths together, giving eachother massages and just being close. Cassie lasted 2.6 seconds the first time she gave her a kiss and fron that day on, she is either fighting or on her girlfriend’s arms. Kira likes to tease Cassie and on nights she makes sure to give her all of her love

Doc. The best partner. Doc is always there for Cassie, wherever she is doing good or bad. Or doing ilegal or legal stuff. He knows Cassie will jump towards danger and he will be there to help her make the galaxy a better place Rusk. There are few things that Rusk hates more than the empire and one of them is how Cassie jumps on top of his back because she is to tiny to get food by herself. Even then, he will die for his little sister becuase he knows she will defeat the empire some day

Scourge. The big old sith might have forgotten what means love, pain or feelings, but he respects Cassie. He knows that despite her size the little jedi is more than capable of busting whatever walls appear on her way, even if it means tapping on the dark side.

Bella Jedi consular <3 NADIA

She is a curvy girl. D cps on a tallish girl, 178, with a dump track ass. She is thick and she is SHY about it. She likes baggy clothes so her body doesnt show too much. She feels that healing people with her skills is the best call for her but she also agrees that sometimes throwin a massive bould to minnies is good

Qyzen. Qyzen and Bella are good frends. Mostly, because Qyzen will gladly shoot anyone who calls Bella on her fat ass, and Bella will drop a boulder on anyone who calls him green skin or lizard. The two of them are the type of people who fixate on stuff and they enjoy their hobbies

Tharan. To be honest. Bella didnt think it thorugh when she got Tharan to come with. She was doing it mosly out of pity and because she needed some help. But mostly she just liked Holiday and would be more interested on keeping her rather than him.

Zenith. Oh dear Zenith. Bella enjoys Zenith attiude. There is little more than that. She isnt as extremist as he is, but she knows that he will do everything on his power to defeat the empire and protect the inocent

Iresso. Oh Ireso is fun. Bella likes to bully him in little wyas. Sometimes she will just pick something ilegal to do to get on his nerves. Thats alls. Well he is all good and good for fights but Bella likes how correct he is and that she can make him mad

Nadia: Her love. Her mistress. Her everything. Everyone has thirsted for her body, and so Bella usually isnt ready to believe most words of love and affection, but Nadia persisted for months, being almost addicted to her body. And so one day Bella let her padawan into her bedroom and cried over her love. Nadia is the type of girl who will devote her heart and soul to her love. She CANT keep her hands off Bella’s body tho, which makes it hard for her to keep clean underwear around

NEW OCS FROM THE NOT PC OCS GAME.

PRESENTING. THE ARTIST

Sarah Novadust

The lead singer and dancer of the Imperial Idol group “Royal Novas”

A tallish girl (175cm) a bit petite looking but upclose you notice she has a good pair of thighs and some nice ass. She has GOLDEN hair. Not blonde. Golden. She keeps it on a long ponytail that reaches all the way back to her ass. She is a human girl of 22 years old with Purple eyes due to some alien grandparents

She leads the Royal Nova an Idol Group originated on the Empire. The group is formed by her, 3 back up singers, 5 back up dancers, 2 guitars, piano, drums, violin, and 1 trumpet. The 15 girls are all REAL close to Sarah.. More on that later

Sarah was born on Sarapin. She worked on being an artist since she was young, but when she was around 15 she was blacklisted from most musical firms on the republic over a incident with a manager that wanted to taste her body. Sarah left to spent some times with friends back on Balmorra when the empire attacked. FOr a couple of years she layed low working on some cantinas singing to earn a living. It was there when some sith lady saw her and brought her to Kaas City. Sarah would keep singing for more and more excentic public until she had the favour of enough people that she could stay safe and solo. Then after saving up for some time, she went and convinved a few sith lords and sith officers to put some credits on for a full on idol group. She invited friends and scouted for talent all over the galaxy

As an artist, Sarah likes mixing her young excitement with imperial overconfidense. She knows that playing it safe wont work and so she makes every song and perfomance into a way to improve herself more and more. With a big group of girls to help her she has managed to perform or even Dark council members and Senators from the republic.

As a young woman, Sarah attracts a lot of people. She isnt the most strong willed person, nor she is particulary aggresive. That is excaclty the reason why each and every member of the Royal Novas is madly in love with her. Each girl looks over their leader as a little kitten to be protected. Of course, Sarah doesnt mind the attention and as long everyone plays nice, she will open her heart to the entire group. With 22 years old, a massive fallowing, more credits that she can count and a polyamourous relationship with 14 girls, Sarah's life is just the best

#swtor #swtor oc #star wars oc #starwars oc #Star Wars The Old Republic #star wars: the old republic

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evaunit-00 · 1 year ago

Text

ok so turns out big brother is on at 9 tonight and not 5 minutes after i wrote this

adding this in the beginning after i wrote all of this but im just prefacing this with jacob isnt home rn and my phone been dry af lately as they say so im just saying words

anyways. im stuck in a place rn where i feel like i have no time to do anything i enjoy , but when i do have the like physical time to spend doing things i like . i sit on my fucking goddamn phone and think “man i should be doing something else rn this is making my brain feel bad” and then just dont 😭 and its like this has been going on since long before this job and this living situation but its just like amplified now and it causes me so much distress but like bro!!! just put the phone down and do ANYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will say since deleting every social media except tumblr its been so so much better and tumblr doomscrolling i feel like is something my brain does need daily, like my job is so so mentally and physically draining like i cant turn off unless im in the bathroom or kids are sleeping. which. once again. i do love! it makes work not drag on and on and on like the days just keep moving along

ok i hit the pen and now im just rambling and rambling but i dont journal anymore so this is feeling awesome

so. i really love my job for the like daily routine of it (except its not even that routine bc im in different rooms all the time i never truly know what my day will hold but i like that aspect too? audhd everybody), and i love feeling like im doing something thats not only helping me become a better person but also helping these kids become better people!!!!! but boy it is hard stuff and i dont think im built for it longterm like i kind of need to quit 😭

oh my connection to my job and scrolling tumblr is that i do value time to just turn my brain off everyday and with tumblr i am really good about managing how long that time is!

anyways back to rambling abojt my jobbb!!

i told myself im staying for a year so im freaking sticking to that at the very least! i dont even remember what i was talking about weed is so awesome !!!!! that brings me to another point actually

I need to get my ass to a fucking psych dude …….ive been saying this to myself for *checks watch* 8 years. Like i got a random spurt of confidence in scheduling appointments in 2021 and got diagnosed with adhd officially and then that was it for like . Ever 😭 i have a long long list of disorders that i know i have and the literal only thing ive ever briefly spoken to my dr about is adhd and anxiety 😭 idk how to segue this im not a writer man

this paragraph is the start of my point. i just need to talk about this i like literally have PMDD and its so ridiculous because . every month on the fucking dot. i get randomly so fucking depressed like so horribly depressed . for a few days. and i KNOW its only for a few days once i realize im in it and it always is only just a few days but oh my god is it the worst thing !!!!!!!! until i smoke weed about it 😎 then im just hving fun !!!!!!! i do self medicate with weed and usually its awesome but of course sometimes it backfires but thats just the game i play baby

if u actually read this thats hilarious to me i think me even posting this is the funniest bit ever except its not a bit except it is because im awesome

dumb rant

having this problem where I genuinely love my job and actually find purpose in what i do like peace and love i am literally shaping the future and lives of children like its fucking awesome and swagged out but also holy fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!! i am dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it also doesnt help that i live 40 minutes away from my work (and fucking everything else in the world its actually making me rot from the inside but thats a problem for another post) but i spend every night after work sitting and staring at my phone or loterally a fucking wall or HOOY SHIT BIG BROTHER IS ON TONIGHT I FORGOT OHHHH MY GOD NEVERMIND EVERYTHING IS FINE LIFE HAS MEANING ILL COME BACK TO THIS WHEN I DONT HAVE A STUPID THING TO LOOK FORWARD TOO AND AM EXISTENTIALLY SAD AGAIN !!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#hehe #txt

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disaster-bay-leaf · 4 years ago

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Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

#smadhuman being pure af #bay answers #long post #very long post #ask #asks

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backtobackbakubabe · 5 years ago

Text

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 2)

Bakugo x Reader

Bakugo has feelings

*Angst *Fluff *Smutish *All the feelings

Words: 1894

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

Ever since that fateful day a month ago that you forgot your jacket, you and Bakugo had been all over each other. You basically lived at his place. Waking up every morning to a fresh cup of coffee just the way you like it and if you were lucky, maybe even some shower sex before you went off to work.

He loved having you over all the time, and if he didn't think it was too soon he'd probably ask you to move in. Hell you had known each other for over five years now. Just because you only now started dating doesn't mean he hadn’t thought about this for a while. He loved making you dinner and taking care of you. He found it adorable how you could never reach anything in his kitchen. You begged him to move some stuff down to a lower shelf but he refused. Saying it was more fun to watch you climb on the counters. In reality he just liked that you always needed him to reach things.

You were always popping back and forth between your apartment and his. He had learned that if he listened really hard he could hear the telling sound of whooshing air that signaled your coming and going. It was subtle but he grew accustomed to it and could now pick it out anywhere. Subconsciously smiling every time he heard it. He still acted surprised whenever you tired to sneak up on him. You were always so cute when you thought you had actually scared him.

You were nervous work would be weird now that you two were together. But it was the opposite. Your chemistry was through the roof, and you were kicking ass. I mean there was the one incident were you chased down a thief and totally kicked his ass before Bakugo could get there. First he was yelling about how you were reckless and should have waited for back-up and then the next thing you knew you were being pushed into a side closet and being fucked senseless.

Today had been a long day. Bakugo had the day off and spent the whole day with Kirishima doing whatever it is those two do. You had to be paired up with some random hero you had never heard of for patrol today and he bored you to death. You wanted your spicy nugget back.

You could hear Bakugo banging around upstairs so you knew he was home. Excitedly you teleported into his apartment which was something that had become quite the habit the last few weeks. You quietly snuck over to him as he cooked in the kitchen. You didn't know what it was, but it smelled really fucking good.

You slipped your hands around his waist as you hugged him from behind, “mmm smells good baby.”

“Keep making noises like that and I just might have to bend you over the kitchen table and take you right here.”

You playfully swatted at his stomach, “Such a caveman”

He continued to stir whatever it was he was cooking, “But I’m your caveman.”

You slowly pushed past the waistband of his pants and palmed him through his boxers, “And I’m all yours...”

And that's how Bakugo, for the first time ever....burnt dinner.

*****

You were walking around the apartment wearing one of his t-shirts looking for take out menus. You two had worked up quite the appetite. You returned to his bed, phone in one hand and a ramen menu in the other.

Bakugo put his hand on your thigh and rubbed soothing circles, “Hey I think we need to talk.”

You froze as panic started to seize you. No good conversation ever started that way.

He gently took the things from your hands and pulled you into his lap. Brushing his thumbs over your cheeks, “I think we need to tell our boss we’re dating. It's kind of unprofessional for us to be partnered on patrol if we’re romantically involved.”

You let our a huge sigh of relief, “I thought you were about to break up with me. I was seriously about to start crying.”

He brushed a stray lock of hair away from your face, “Oh no! Dont be fucking dramatic. Of course not you idiot. You think I’d wait five years to make a move just to toss you to the curb. No you’re unfortunately stuck with me.”

You gave him a soft smile and leaned forward snuggling into his neck, “Is that why you want a new patrol partner? Because you’re stuck with me.”

You were just teasing him and he knew that but he still rolled his eyes. “No I love working with you. Honestly, I know I complained at first, but I love getting to see you in action. If anything it turns me on.”

You thumped him on the forehead, “We’re having a serious conversation here reel it in horn dog.”

He frowned, “I went to get some drinks with Kirishima and we got to talking about how scary it is to have significant others also in the hero business. Y/n if something were to happen to you I don't know what I’d do.” His grip on you tightened. “If it were to come down between saving you or catching a villain or hell even saving you or saving a civilian... I would choose you every time. Hero’s aren’t supposed to selfish, but how can I not be when my first priority is always going to be standing right next to me.”

He started to run his hands through his hair out of frustration, “And honestly I don't think changing partners would even help at all. Because I don't know if I could trust anyone on this earth to watch your back while your out there the way I do. I would be worried sick every day. And I know I can’t ask you to quit, that’s not even an option... I’m just freaking out!”

You cradled his head against your chest and you ran your fingers through his hair. You felt a single tear run down your cheek. You knew he cared, but you didn't know he cared this much. That was practically a declaration of love, especially coming from Bakugo. You two had known each other since UA, and you have never seen him show so much emotion that wasn’t rage.

“Oh honey nothing’s going to happen to me. When push comes to shove I can always teleport away. It may only be 50 yards right now but that's farther than I could at the begging of UA! Remember you used to make fun of me because I could only go about 20 feet. You pushed me every day to be better and look where I am now. That’s because of you! Who knows, maybe soon I’ll be able to go miles!”

He got very serious as he took your head in his hands, “Promise me y/n. Promise me that if it’s ever you or me you will always pick yourself. I need to know that if we ever get in a sticky situation you’ll teleport away.”

You could see the desperation in his eyes. He really needed to hear you say it. But you couldn't. It would be a lie. There’s no way you could ever leave him behind. Even before you two were together you still would have fought till the end with him.

“Katsu... you have to understand how impossible that is to ask of me. Could you do it? Leave me behind and run off to safety?” His eyes watered up but no tears spilled out. “I know you couldn't. We’re heroes... it’s in our job description to put others before oursleves.”

His hands left your face and settled in his lap holding on to yours. His eyes couldn't meet yours. You had never seen him so vulnerable. “Please y/n. For my sanity. Just promise me.” His eyes snapped up to yours and they looked so sad but so serious. “I tried so hard to not have feelings for you. For years I teased you and pushed you away because I had convinced myself being a hero would be easier if I did it alone. No matter what I did though I could never get rid of those nagging feelings. You don’t even know how many times I’ve lost my shit over you.”

He took a deep breath, “Once at UA, Mineta somehow had acquired a picture of you while you were changing and I beat the little shit to a pulp.” Oh Shit he really was opening the flood gates now. “All those times I pushed you harder in training was because I knew I wasn’t going to be there with you out in the real world and I wanted to know you could take care of yourself.”

He ran a hand over his reddening face“Shit just last month when we were on patrol! When that villain had you pinned I saw red. I fucking blew his face off. All those times I bitched about you holding me back when really I was just a nervous wreck on high alert all the time!”

He was really on a rant now. His face was flushed as he just continued to get himself worked up. It would have been cute if it wasn’t such a serious topic.

“Babe, I cant even begin to tell you how much I appreciate how much you care about my well being. I really and truly do. But like you said you pushed me so hard in training to make sure I was ready. And thanks to you I am...” You gave his shoulder a playful punch, “Besides you’re Ground Zero! Soon to be the number one hero. There isn’t a villain alive who compares to your power.”

You were just stroking his ego now but he did seem to calm down a bit. “I may not be able to promise I’ll always pick my myself over you. But I can promise that starting now I’ll try and be more careful with the risks I take. I promise I won’t intentionally put myself in danger, how does that sound?”

He groaned and started playing with your hair, “You fucking stuburn women! You never do what I ask and I mean never! If you were anyone else I’d pound some sense into you!”

You wagged your eyebrows, “I mean I’m always down for you to ah... pound... some sense into me.”

“Nope! NO! I will NOT be tempted by pelvic sorcery! You will not distract me...” You could feel his hands sliding up and down your thighs, “Like the biggest brat in the world once said, ‘reel it in horn dog.’”

You moved your hips to grind against him, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m just casually sitting in my incredibly hot boyfriends lap minding my own business...”

“Damnit women!... okay FINE! BUT THIS CONVERSATION ISNT OVER!”

He grabbed your ass with a hard squeeze as he pushed you harder into his growing erection. “Shit what are you doing to me. All you have to do it bat those fucking eyes and I lose my fucking train of thought.” You yelped as he flipped you over and pined you to the mattress. “Now for once just be a good girl and let me take care of you...”

#bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo #bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugō #bakugo imagine #bhna #bhna bakugou #bhna imagine #bhna x reader #mha bakugou #mha #mha imagines #mha x reader #baby its cold outside #my hero academia

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katsukikitten · 5 years ago

Text

Princess 9

You wake in a cold sweat from what feels like a dreamless sleep. It worries you, a dream you can still feel the fear from but not remember makes your skin crawl.

You scent copper in the air and a flash of your Mother's eyes cloud your vision. You sit up slowly fisting your hair before you realize what this dream means.

And what the pull of power in the sea headed in this direction means. You look over the King's sleeping form and scoff softly as you rise dressing in your black outfit with the white fur.

You head down the hill by the mouth of the market intending to take a sharp left when a voice calls out in the quiet.

"Ah my queen" Reo is up before the sun has a chance to rise above the hills, setting out offerings for the King. He gives you his shadowed back as he rummages through his trunks.

"I am not his wife." More bite in your voice than usual as you think of Katsuki's scarlet eyes.

Thinking of them clouded with emotion when you misted that man.

Fear, disgust.

"I never said you were. You do not need to be wed for me to accept you as one of my sovereigns." His voice is like ointment, "I have something for you. Something I think will please you greatly."

He produces a circlet crown of teeth and pearls, you stare down at the item.

At the teeth and you swallow the small lump in your throat.

"I...." You hesitate as he motions for to bow so he may place it on your head.

"Power and confidence, emotions gifted by your people." Reo adjusts it a final time and when you stay bowed he gives you an odd look.

"Thank you." You bow deeper, having wished to have anything close to a person like Reo in your life before.

You wanted to keep him safe.

You will keep him safe.

Especially from what is coming. Even if it means misting every person you lay eyes on.

You will bloody your hands again and again to keep Reo and what is slowly becoming your people, safe.

He places his wrinkled hand onto your shoulder pulling you from war.

"I should be thanking you. His majesty has matured greatly in the short time you've been here. We hardly saw him before you came." He makes quick work of setting up his stall, "I believe you're going to be late for that meeting."

You rush towards the call of power.

To the pull of familar blood.

Reo is right, you are late as the sun gleams over the figure painting him in a golden light as he comes into view.

Making him seem Godly further fueling your urge to make him fall from his pedistol.

Sink the ship even abandoning him here, maimed and having to fight for his own survival much we you both have done to any other scout sent to threaten the High Kingdom.

But you could also use talking to your advantage.

"Ah my sweet sister! How long has it been?" Ares says cooly as you stand before him.

Having to look up at him, as you always have in life.

But he never seemed to look down on you before. Not until now.

You would be a fucking liar if you said your heart wasn't hurting as you stared into his face, teeth grinding as you think.

But somethings never change as you notice that he does not have a single weapon using his same old tactic of seeming harmless when you two would first make land fall on a nation you were to declare war.

All the while he would lie in wait and use his opponent's own weapons against them. No one lived to tell the tale that he could control any weapon. Most thought he at least had to touch it.

Which is exactly why you brought just yourself.

You were a weapon but one Ares nor your Father could ever wish to control.

"Pity about your pretty face. It's scarring quite badly." He grabs onto your chin gently tilting it this way and that. You jerk away and he smiles.

"Do you know why I began training you?" Ares asks but you do not answer as you stare at him with steeled eyes.

"I did it because I knew your beautiful face was going to be prized and I knew of your, what I thought then, inescapable fate." His eyes linger on the jagged scar, only the middle still struggling to heal, "I couldn't stand the thought of you being wed and some man taking...stealing from you to sire some wretched seed. Taking advantage of your tender heart. I wanted you to be able to fight. To be worthy to choose your own man in Father's eyes. But it seems I've hardened your heart too much."

"You are naive to have ever thought I would have a choice." You snarl and he laughs.

"You seem to have one now. Was I to get an invitation to the wedding?" Ares laughs again as you grit your teeth.

"Before you speak you must see it through my eyes. You are adorned in artic fox fur, dragon's teeth and mother pearls that are reserved only for queens here." He smiles again, fingering a dangling tooth, his eyes never waivering as he continues, "You were smart only to bring the Prince."

Your head snaps to look over your shoulder to see Bakugou Katsuki standing on the tall hill, watching. He makes no move to join the two of you.

"Judging by your expression he came uninvited?" You glare at the blonde as Ares relishes the exchange.

You turn your ire onto your brother, eyes narrowing trying hard not to take his bait.

"Heh. Only my sister would be furious with the man who loves her. Any other woman would be furious had their lover not shown an inkling of worry for them." He brushes a stray strang of hair behind your ear, "You should be thankful that of all the people to tail you it was him. He is one of the few who is confident enough in his quirk to not carry a single blade."

"He doesnt love me. He doesn't even trust me." You grab onto Ares' wrist staring him into his golden eyes, "Enough toying with me."

He is silent for a long moment, reading into your eyes and body language as if he were rereading his favorite book.

"He isnt underestimating you if that's what you think. He clearly has some sort of affinity to you. What other man would watch a woman carve her face in front of thousands and *smile* about it." He removes his wrist from your grip, "Not to mention you've been here for what? Months? I hear you share the same bed but what is more shocking is you two share the same bath. An act more intamite than sex, more deep of a bond than marriage. To leave oneself so vulnerable in front if another in this warrior culture."

"How would you know anything about this fucking place?" You snarl so darkly that Ares' eye brows raise

"I have the same eyes and ears you do. Except you already took out one informant, a little late in the game though." He smiles waving for a figure to come from the dunes behind him, shock paints your features, "But I always had a back up. Did you?"

He shoves the hand maid you two once shared, you two once called friend, to the ground. She is seemingly unharmed until Ares pries her mouth open to reveal shortened flesh cauterized deep in her mouth.

"You..." You stare in horror and she cries, clutching onto the black fabric of your pants leg.

"So how did you kill him? The usual? Drowning him? Making him whither?" Ares goes on. You cannot believe he could be so cruel to what was his lover.

You stopped using her for information on Ares when he confessed to her and he...he maimed her. You let your palm pass over the curative of her skull as you bite back rage, tears.

"Hello? I need to know the details of his demise. I was kind enough to show you what happened to yours." He smiles cruelly and when you cannot meet his eyes he knows. He pulls Asui to her feet by the crook of her arm placing her small frame behind him. You can do nothing to protect her right now.

"Oh, you must have done it *that* way? Turned him to nothing but a pile of clothes and mist. And by the guilt on your face you must have done it in front of," He tilts his head to see your turned away face your eyes ever so slightly go over your shoulder, "someone you love. Must have been the prince then."

Rage pulls your muscles into action as you hold his blood, lifting him from his feet as you near closer.

"Predictable." He laughs, "My hot headed sister like my hot headed Father."

You squeeze tighter as you fight the pull of his blood and the urging of your wrath.

Screaming to be freely wielded outside of this mortal body. You give in just a touch, his eyes bulge as his laugh turns into a gasp.

Still he finds air to taunt.

"When you last commanded my blood I could barely think to breathe. Yet you hold me here with barely any force at all. Why is that?" His voice just above a rasp.

"You better choose the right side of this war brother." A growl so dark that you see his eyes cloud with an emotion you do not see often.

"I believe I already have." He struggles against your grip.

You fight the urge to smile until suddenly something tugs on your conscious in the bushes. Their power no longer shielded by sheer will power.

You hear the familiar sound of a sharpened metal tip singing through the air finding perfect purchase in your always tender calf. Slicing straight through muscled flesh, grazing the back of your fiba.

"PRINCESS!" A roar so raw that it pulls at your stomach and causes Ares's muscles to twitch as you drop him.

"Oh tell me again how he does not have an inkling of care for you." He rubs his throat from the invisible grip.

"You and the fucking legs!" You scream as you lift your right hand to handle the rest of the now rapidly THROWN arrows headed in your direction. But before you can change the direction with the persuasion of moved moisture heated explosions obliterate the arrows.

All but one that was thrown in the opposite direction moments before your arrival, one that Ares had slowed before this moment allowing it to return to it's full momentum. The metal bites deeply into your side with such precision that it flies past boned ribs with ease settling centimeters from puncturing your left lung.

You steel yourself and do not allow the pain to consume your thoughts as you dull your senses. Katsuki rushes to your side with murderous intent ready to RIP them limb from fucking limb with his own striked ire.

But you pull the two men by their blood unknowingly saving them from an early demise.

Bringing them before you in panting breaths that both know are not from exertion or the pain of your wound.

No they know from their boiling blood that you're moments away from making them a mist on the sea air.

"Tell Father that I'm not playing around. I will end this war swiftly and I *will* crown myself High Queen even if I must do it with one foot in the grave." You seethe, power whipping around like water whips, the ocean tearing up the sides of the mountains to answer your call, "Punctuate my promise with the bodies of those who do not survive."

You toss them both over the cliff towards their slowly sinking boat, they both sink deep into the thrashing ocean as Katsuki pulls you to him by your waist.

"I'm fine!" Water whips all around him but he is untouched. You wheeze from the deafening wails of power gushing through your veins, pulling on your bones begging to be used further.

"Says the woman with two arrows protruding from her sunkissed flesh." He bites, pulling you by your forearm damning you for not swallowing your pride for a moment for him to carry you to your shared chambers.

You hobble behind his much too fast pace, spitting blood, once twice as the old stinging feeling of your cheek returns. You growl aloud when you hear voices of Mina and Momo mixed with the laughter of a male.

"You called for them again?" You snap pausing outside of the yurt. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before he looks over his shoulder.

"Yes to see if you needed those two stitches replaced." His eyes blister over the wound and you snarl.

Baring your teeth with such animosity one would think you beast. Still he waits for your approach and when you do not follow he makes way to grab onto your arm.

"You are truly wretched." He hisses as he pulls you past the heavy fabric. The room silences and eyes widen at the blood oozing into the polished hardwood floor in alarmingly fat drops.. Their lingering doe like stares doing nothing but bringing the burning pain of your side and leg to the forefront of your mind.

"Princess!" Kirishima calls, his own wrapped and bruised skin poking at the veil of memories you are already trying to suppress.

You breathe in needles, your patience thinning with every throb around the foreign metal in your body. You hobble to the bath trying so fucking hard to control your rapid breathing from your rising irritation. You wrap small fingers around smooth wood before you pull the first arrow from screaming flesh. Unbothered by the fact that pulling it this way would cause more damage.

You fight hesitation that no one can see as you use deft hands to pull the one from your side, throwing it so hard it buries itself inches into the thick hardwood. No one goes to move as you face in the direction of the village as the flicking your wrist locking onto someone unknown.

Pulling a man from his curtent job to assist you as his broad shoulders come flying into the yurt like a rigid doll thrown carelessly into the play house.

You flick your wrist, fingers dancing and suddenly his movements were fluid as if he were moving on his own. Doing his normal ritual to pull the purest moisture from the air before heating it between his palms.

Had no one seen your hand at work, they would all think he was filling a bath of his own accord. Especially with how gingerly he opens the large glass jars beside the tub, pouring in certain herbs for medical purposes. Everyone in the room blanches feeling their throats tighten with unfamiliar fear, everyone one but a certain hot head.

No, he does not whiten like bone in the sun, his anger colors his cheeks red as a fall apple.

"I'm sure he knows how to use his own fucking quirk!" He snarls darkly in his mother tongue. You hold his burning eyes with your own, guilt fills your throat with each passing second and finally you snap.

You scream your frustration flicking your wrists as you do and sending everyone from the yurt to land at the foot of the market.

Everyone but the ash blonde that your body refuses to control in spite of the power, of your own will, begging you to use him.

To use all of them to get what you want.

You pant heavily, your rage having raised your blood pressure in turn causing a thicker pool of crimson at your feet. It is making you dizzy which is making you angrier. Your rage organ pumping out unnecessarily hot wrath into your thick capable frame causing it to shake.

"Get. Out." You bite, venom soaking every syllable before turning so softly as your eyes prick with welled up ire, "Now."

Katuski notices the change in demeanor quickly, stepping slowly to you, until his hands hovered over your shoulders. Still cautious to touch.

"If you truly wanted me to you would have sent me away as you did with them." His voice is soft for once, his hands finally landing on your shoulders gently, "Let me help you."

When you do not respond he goes for a carved bone knife by the tub to better access your wound and your raw emotions have you snapping again as you think of out stretched gnarled hands.

"THIS IS MY FUCKING FAVORITE ONE!" You yell franticly in his mother tongue and he places the knife down slowly. Careful to avoid sudden movements as he slides the fur of the jumper off of your shoulders a bit before folding it over careful to guide it furthest away from you wound as he slips you out of the black fabric.

"Ki can fix it just as she made it." He reassures you of Reo's wife's skill as he lays it gently over a low arm chair. He notices your crown, fingering the dragons teeth softly before removing it with slow fluid motions. He damned Reo when he saw it placed atop your brilliant crown, the old man knew full well it would have his heart racing to see what Reo, what his people already saw.

A Queen.

He sets it on your side table, careful to straighten the strings of pearls and teeth before returning to his work. He lifts you princess style as he eases you into the bath, undressing himself only after he's settled you. Stepping in with an almost sluggish manner as if any movement of water would disturb you.

"You should heal your wounds while they are submerged. Start with your side." An order that you for once obey, feeling too numb from the rush of fading emotion to notice the worry in his tone. He turns you away from him slowly as nimble fingers unweave your braided hair, disentangling any knots along the way before pouring deliciously hot water over your scalp.

Fat tears fall over red rimmed eyes as he tenderly cares for you, his hand massaging in shampoo while you're reminded of your improbable behavior all the while your brother's words echo in your head.

"Only my sister would be furious with the man who loves her."

"Oh tell me again how he does not have an inkling of care for you."

It is true that he must feel something for you. He had not harmed you, barely touched you in your sleep, he was sure you were clothed and fed. And when you shook the cage of his ire he restrained himself, a feat others had later told you was unheard of. Hell he even saved you from certain death within a few hours of meeting him after such a display of spiteful behavior and what do you do in return of his favor? Your mind flashes images of the times you thought to kill him, how many times did you talk yourself out of using his very own bath water to silence him forever.

You try to swallow the sob that threatens your frame but to no avail, it causes you to shake breaking the dam on your tears once more.

The second time in years you were truly and uselessly crying.

Katsuki takes immediate notice, he gives you a moment and when you continue to cry openly he speaks.

"What plagues your thoughts princess?" His voice is like ointment on your burning cheek.

"Nothing." Your voice comes out normal, having long ago learned to control your pitch and tones.

"Then why are you shaking? It is not a shiver from cold as the bath is steaming and I know it is not a shiver of pleasure." He chuckles darkly at his own joke before rinsing away the conditioner, "Face me if nothing is wrong."

You do not move and he sighs.

"I need to clean your cheek..." He bites back his impatient growl as a broad hand turns you to face him. He watches you swipe at your eyes quickly with angry hands.

"It is okay to show me your tears." He says as he drinks in the sight of you, even in sadness you're breath taking, "I will help carry the burden of them."

"No, it's an ugly display of vulnerability that I wish to never share." You bite back another sob.

"Do you know why my people respect women so much?" He asks and when you cannot offer an answer he continues, "We respect women because they are so in tune with their emotions. Because they are strong enough to allow them to happen, brave enough to show their tears, their rage, their love to another. Women are far from weak, tears are far from weak."

The dam somehow bursts again and your body is rocked with emotion.

Over too many things and possibilities.

Over the blood you will soon have on your hands and true to his word Katsuki takes some of your burden as he pulls you to him, both of you uncaring of the proximity of your naked bodies. He wraps powerful arms around you as his palm glides over your wet hair. Your tears collect in the crook of his spiced neck as the steam begins to die away from the bath. Slowly you return to your normal state and slowly he gathers things to clean your wound. He stops for a moment and stares.

Crimson eyes gliding over a scared bottom lip, he traces it for a moment and you shudder. The scar tingles from the ghost of his calloused skin as he sighs, stare fixated on the wound he reopened. The remorse in his eyes has your own stinging, silence stretches between the two of you as time seems to slow.

"I'm sorry, Mo chuisle." He breathes so softly, breaking the spell, as the pad of his thumb wipes away a stray tear, hand squeezing the rag in his other hand.

"My pulse?" You ask softly, letting your hand slide down his forearm to caress the softened skin of the crook of his elbow.

"That is what you're becoming." He admits as he returns to dabbing at your cheek, "As much as I do not want it to be. You urge my heart to beat, to drum on."

You stare at the man before you, his glistening skin shining in small scars from battles unknown, a man that has been hardened by time and tragic loss yet still he sits before you. As raw and vulnerable as you, softened by nothing other than your own thorny exterior. His blood beats in time with your own, his power thrumming beneath toned muscles calling out to you as yours calls to his. You close the distance between you two again, he gives you his full attention as your scared lips move in perfect motions under his watchful eye.

"Thank you....mo chuisle." You say softly watching his cheeks dust with blush. You lean ever closer, daring to press your lips to his if only for a moment. Katsuki fights every muscle in his body not to hold your mouth to his letting you lean away as his heart yearns for more.

#bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha katsuki #bnha kacchan #bnha bakugou #bnha #bnha au #bakugo katuski #katuski bakugou #katsuki bakugo #katuski au #princess

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