#i remember i had to stop for like
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That one room in shaded
#SH_C05 my beloathed#that room scared me so fucking bad in my first playthrough#didnt know what a monster kelp was and the few times i managed to go through there without dying it was always empty#then BOOM#MONSTER KELP JUMPSCARE#i remember i had to stop for like#5?? 10?? minutes just bc i got jumpscared so fucking hard#anyways now i never go through that room#rwartmonth#rain world#tamyart#rwartmonth2024 day 18#monster kelp
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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flowers blooming in such heft and numbers they bend the plant over and plants bearing fruit so hard they shower everything under it in fruits or make the very branches bend…. creatures are just experiencing vast bounty and good fortune out there fr fr
#this is a vague post about some hydrangeas I saw and also about our neighbor’s blackberry bush just going ham#blackberries all over the hostas in the grass in the wood chips no sign of stopping#thinking about those trees that experience superfruiting events en masse on purpose to such numbers#that it just satiates all predators / threats to the seeds being sewn. so much that it is literally impossible for none to be successful#we watched a video about it in a bio lecture once in college and I cannot remember which species it was#but it was so much that the squirrel population had like. circular boom/bust years where way too many squirrels would be born#but the trees wouldn’t do another superfruit for years. which then created squirrel bust years#creatures just experiencing stuff I guess
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one small step for. kitties
#mine#cats#i was gna share th process vid of this but its just 90% drawing little dots not thrilling#anyway i had a Day today but we live we go forth !!#i am going to try a new journal thing bc th hobonichi hasnt been slaying ngl . i might b a filofax girlie#ive bought a 2nd hand one off ebay for 12£ which will Do For Now to see if actually like it#i need to figure out th sizing of my pages im gna make my own....brain is so so small#i was gna do mini pages for daily journaling but i think ive excepted i am not. gna journal everyday like thats not happening#n then what happens when im then using dated journals is i fall behind n then i hve such an atrocious memory i cant remember what i did#like 3 days prior to back fill so its lots of empty pages and AAAA#ironic that i am journaling to help my symptoms but my symptoms r stopping me from journaling. can i win once#anyway i think this system will be better yes yes
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It’s my Stargate and I’ll make it pink if I want to
#cannae remember the last time i posted art? dont know if i ever had a tag for it?#ill start a new one & we'll see if it ever gets used again lmao#juno.png#stargate#sga#stargate atlantis#so yeah this is clearly based on the pegasus gates but who is going to stop me from tagging the other shows?#sg1#sgu#im a fraud who has never watched sgu and only started sg1 like. last month i think? BUT im up to s6 of sg1#& ill watch sgu as part of my binge of the whole franchise I'm doing atm#PLUS ive watched sga like at least a half dozen times so surely that counts for something lmao
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oh okay heres one:
"sleepaway camp"= you go there for at least a few days, a week, sometimes several weeks, and sleep there, as opposed to a """camp""" where you go for the day and your parents or whoever picks you up afterward (those arent really camps, but like. idk when i went to "space camp" it was a weeklong but not sleepaway). in the U.S. at least, the typical image of a sleepaway camp involves staying in cabins, dunno how common it is/what it looks like in other countries.
for the first few i just mean like. not necessarily a stealth church camp, just like. idk, a camp where theres also an Assumption Of Christianity and just general vibes without being actually church camp. So, there might not be daily services and jesusy dedicatwd activities, but maybe theres still a prayer said over meals and shit. Which i assume might exist...
(oh and @reblogforsamplesize if u wanna)
#buzzy#poll#polls#personally: yes i went several times#and i enjoyed it bc. camp!!! yay!!!#but the Church part of it. complicated feelings on that matter#mine were all weeklong camps#went every year for a few years i hink#it was fun bc again YAY CAMP!!! and the ones i went to were like huge things#they had cool water stuff like The Blob and waterslides and some fun games and shit#you could do paintball#and i wasnt like. NOT christian at the time. but i also Wasnt Really Feeling It#i was mostly into it bc. camp.#...maybe i should have asked my parents if i could just go to one of the normal summer camps instead lmao#like the 6 week ones or st#that coulda been fun ....#so my answer is Its Complicated#i did like. participate in the jesus side of things. but i was also kinda knowingly faking it u kno?#i remember one time during a service i started having a bit of a panic attack (mostly bc of the MASSVE crowd. this was a huge ass camp)#but i still had to like. stay. still do everything. my pastor was being nice about it but still was like :( well you cant leave#i remember that was the day we did some shit outside w torches#like. carrying torches in a big procession like some sorta ritual thing ig. fuck if i know.#and i was like crying while following the procession and trying to stop#(the crying STARTED un the megachurch extremely loud giaant speaker GET PUMPED UP!!! area and continued to the torches)#thars my stringest memory from church camp aside from when i fcking DEMOLISHED the frozen t shirt game#(they gave a few ppl on stage frozen t balled up shirts and it was like 'okay first one to unball it and put it on wins!!!')#(and while the two boys i was up against started trying to tear it open with their hands i just#(in my cute lil butterfly shirt and pretty skirt started SMASHING IT AGAINST THE GROUND FULL BODY AAAUUGGHH and broke that shit)#(i was sooo proud of mysekf and my oastors wife thiught it was Unladylike of me but i fucjing won. the boys copied me after a sec)#(but it was too late i won :) anyway yeah like i said mixed feelings u kno. anyway go blue beetles woooo!!!!!
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I've seen a lot of posts in the wake of tsc calling out how the Foxes mistreated Kevin and never really gave him the same degree of compassion and patience that they gave Neil (and like, fair enough, there's definitely a disparity in how the two are treated by the broader team) but I think it's important to remember that it's very likely most of the Foxes didn't know just how bad things in the Nest were, especially when Kevin first came to Palmetto.
Like, they knew he'd been hurt badly, but were they ever told the full extent of the abuse in thr Nest? Probably not, because unlike Jean, Kevin was media trained. It was ingrained habit for him to conceal the true conditions inside the Nest to all outsiders, and that's not a habit he'd have been able to break easily. The only people who knew the full extent of what he'd been through were probably Wymack, Bee and Andrew.
Add to that Kevin's abrasive personality and his tendency towards nitpicking and perfectionism, and it's no wonder that the Foxes' patience with him ran thin after a while.
#i get where people are coming from with these posts bc kevin absolutely deserved the same level of support neil got#but we've gotta remember that the Foxes probably didnt have the full picture of what he'd endured#and that lack of context makes kevin's more irritating behaviors seem like inherent personality flaws#rather than the trauma responses that they actually are#also like#consider being the worst team in the league#then the best player in the league shows up one day and wont stop telling you how much you suck#and like#you KNOW you suck#so it just feels like hes piling on instead of being helpful#neil got a warmer reception by the foxes bc he didnt swoop in and heap a mountain of criticism on the team#sure he caused trouble later but he had a good stretch of just being the quiet new kid before he revealed himself to be a problem child#anyway this got rambly i just have a lot of thoughts about this
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Wu trained Morro at the same time that Garmadon was training with Chen which MEANS that Misako was around to see what the pressure of wanting and training to be the Green Ninja could lead to.
So later when she had Lloyd and KNEW that he would be the legendary Green Ninja, do you think she thought of the child Wu had once trained? The kid who became so obsessed with proving himself that he put himself in danger time and time again? The little boy who ran off into the night and never came back?
After seeing that, is it any wonder why she didn't want to leave her son-- the actual Green Ninja-- to be trained by Wu at such a young age?
Maybe a boarding school for bad boys would never make him want to be a hero. Maybe it would keep him safe from the destructive power of destiny. Maybe Darkley's was the only way to save her beloved son, Lloyd Garmadon, from himself.
Maybe Misako remembered Morro. And maybe, just maybe, she knew it would be best if her son never turned into someone like that.
#misako haters say “why didn't she just leave lloyd with wu where he'd be safe?!” as if morro didn't literally die trying to prove himself#no hate to wu either though#morro was his first student and also naturally ambitious so it's not entirely Wu's fault that he turned out Like That#also there is the thought that wu had like just barely banished Garmadon to the underworld and Misako was maybe kinda bitter about that#or at least she knew her son woild either find out and hate wu or he would grow to hate his father#and remember Misako left because she didn't want her son and husband to have to fight. she was searching for a solution#so of course she left lloyd in a place that would make him want to be on the same side as his father. even if he was trained to be good in#the future he still grew up with the love and respect for his dad in his heart#look i know Misako isn't perfect but y'all have to stop hating on her#she did her best when all she was given was absolutely terrible options#cookie crumbs#my writing#ninjago#ninjago misako#ninjago morro#ninjago garmadon#ninjago wu
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Something I can't stop thinking about is that Snape began the series being perfectly okay
He was actually at his best. He'd spent ten whole years in Hogwarts without the Marauders and before Harry Potter walked in.
Of course it wouldn't have been easy for him to adjust, but he did. And I just can't help but think of those first months where the other teachers got to know him, and got to realise that this boy needed them, needed their help, and took care of him. I can't help but think of how they promised him that it's okay, it's over, everyone's safe and he's not what he thinks he is. He's okay.
Like, for ten years he would have been happy. He had friends. He had a job. He had a home. Hogwarts was his home.
And then Harry Potter came and everything went wrong.
Can you imagine, him seeing Harry's face for the first time? After so many years of actually being content and happy, suddenly he sees James Potter's face, Lily Evans' eyes. Suddenly he's reminded of Voldemort who will return now, and now he's got a ticking clock, a countdown warning him that that's it, time's up, everything you've built in these ten years are soon going to break. And then come the events of the first and second year. Okay, so they're chaotic and stressful, but it's fine, they're all stressed, they're all in this together.
Then it's Harry's third year.
And that's when everything falls apart.
Remus Lupin, one of his abusers and a serious gaslight, is here in the job he wanted, and acting like everything's fine between them while simultaneously disrespecting him and forgetting to take the potion and being a huge risk to them all. Sirius Black, one of the two main abusers, is on the loose. And no one is ever gonna believe him about Lupin, are they? Suddenly it's Lupin's home. Lupin's safe space. But what about Snape? Do the past 13 years mean nothing? It seems so. And in the end, he has a complete breakdown because it's all coming down.
Then comes the goblet of fire. Okay, normal, right? But then there's moody. And there's the visiting schools. And then there's Kararoff who will not leave him alone! And then...
And then Harry Potter comes with the dead body of a teenage boy, crying and screaming that Voldemort's back.
And now Snape knows that time is up and things only get worse. Everything happens after that, from spying to dealing with that wretched Umbridge who's trying to destroy the school.
And then...
And then he has to kill Dumbledore.
And that when it all ends.
All he built in the past 16 years....
All the promises that they'd never leave him...
That they'd always look after him...
That they know he's not that person he used to be...
That everything will be okay because he has them to look after him...
They mean nothing now.
He's not okay anymore.
#severus snape#pro snape#professor snape#i had this thought and cant stop thinking it#like snape must have actually been happy before the events of the book#like this was his home and they were his friends#they'd looked after him#but then as the series goes on all that slowly crumbles away until its all gone and he's alone and hated again#and like shit got serious for Harry after cedric died thats when it really hit the fan#but for snape? it ended after book TWO#and I'm just imagining that he'd managed to forget about it all#by the time Harry arrived Snape had even forgotten about voldemort lily harry james everything#like blanked it out because this was his life now#but harry walked in and suddenly he remembers and he's back to the past again
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Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)
Bonus:
He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain#I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha#It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling#Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out#Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling#Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment!#Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha#But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha#I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥#And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe#They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol#I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨#''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol#Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute!#Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol#Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done#Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude#Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl#To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™#I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3
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Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives
Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy
Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it
#Moon posting#Feeling emotional about Madoka Magica all out of the blue and I'm making it your problem#IDK I saw a video in my YT reccs ranking Doremi toys and I really enjoyed it (sadly can't remember who it was)#So I went to check what other content the person had made and they had recently-ish done a blind reaction to Madoka#Didn't watch the whole thing just The Good Shit at like double speed (it was completely uncut and I wasn't in the mood for a full rewatch)#And god. The way the fucking ending to this series still makes me fucking sob like a baby EVEN WHEN WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED#I dunno what to tell you I really like that series. Like I just do. Madoka is Good Actually#IDK I feel like everyone has a lot of Opinions about the series and all I can say is that y'all are wrong and don't understand it#MADOKA ISN'T ABOUT BEING EDGY GRIMDARK TORTURE PORN!!! IT'S ABOUT HOPE!! AND DREAMS!! AND NOT GIVING UP!!#Y'all remember that post about how sometimes if you need to imagine Naruto encouraging you to help you get out of bed and brush your teeth#Then you imagine that dattebayo#And that is literally what Madoka is.#Except instead of self-care Madoka is there to stop you from being a toxic little dickweed and be nice to others#Sometimes you need to stop and ask: Would Madoka do that? Would Madoka say that? Would she be proud of me right now?#Don't ask me why I'm posting this it is 5 am I should be in bed man
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When you hold me, it holds me together.
#rwrb#rwrbedit#red white and royal blue#firstprince#alex x henry#alex claremont diaz#henry fox mountchristen windsor#userninz#userveronika#usersteen#usernuria#chrissiewatts#userclara#usermaloune#mine*#been thinking about this line for like a solid three days now#and i had to get it out my system#this kiss really changed the trajectory of alex's life#brings me back to that one line where its like 'he kisses him like he never has to stop / which he remembers / he doesn't'#bc yeah...............its forever
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I stg once you're in the Sonic fandom you just see them EVERYWHERE. Went into a store this morning and a 4 year old comes zooming down my aisle wearing a matching Sonic hoodie and sweatpants. Not even an hour later I'm mindlessly scrolling on Facebook watching tattoo artists and THERE HE IS :)) BRO IS NOT BLENDING IN AT ALL LMAO
#seldomspeaks#Its just so goofy to me#went to a metal festival this summer and found out A Day To Remember had Sonic & Tails shirts for their merch#I stopped the people wearing them and was like W H E R E 👀👀#It was from another show (big sad) but all I could think was “holy shit if I went up to a booth and saw that I would've passed out”#sth#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#miles tails prower
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#church#leonard church#mmmmmmmm church#sorry king ill stop rn#i had a joke in mind when i drew this like 3 yrs ago idk what it was tho#damnit! what was the joke???#sometimes i truly feel like wash#red vs blue#rvb church#yeah i still dont remember. there is a joke tho
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hi been noodling with designs for block guys have some sandy boys
#mcyt#grian#goodtimeswithscar#gtwscar#scar goodtimes#desert duo#3rd life#third life#trafficblr#what are. the fandom tags (ekplodes)#dragon doodles#id in alt#remembered I wanted to let myself post more messy things here so here's! design passes I got carried away with#rly liked the idea of scar's palette being dark colors and green and grian's pale color's and red but scar's a red life and grian's a green#complimentary character design when I remember to do you my beloved <3#scar's wheelchair is powered and has treads + a front stabilizing wheel for sand purposes (also I referenced minecart wheels hence. cube)#not something I have much practice in but AM wanting to experiment more with wheelchair designs had lots of fun with this one :]#meant to be making these for a bigger piece but I'm actually procrastinating rn so Not saving these for then I Aim to stop procrastinating
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To all the people in the fandom who forgot: Buck grown ass man who has no problems with asking people call him Buck not Evan if he wants them. He told 118 when he was super anxious about first day and they pranked him right before it, he told Maddie, he told HIS PARENTS. If I'm not mistaken he corrected A*by too. So you really think if he would be not ok with being called Evan by Tommy he would say nothing? He would ask to be called Buck. But he DIDN'T. Because he LOVES Tommy calling him Evan
Tommy is not toxic or transphobic to call Buck by his given name and not choosen name as he never was corrected
#And let's not forget we HAD NEVER SEEN WHO TOLD TOMMY BUCK'S REAL NAME#I really doubt it was Chim. More likely Buck himself introduced himself as Evan#and not said to Tommy *call me Buck* and Tommy had a reason to believe it's *Buck* that he uses as special name only for 118#bc remember begins episodes and taht nickname is given only to people inside firehouse who proved themselves?#Tommy sees nicknames differently#and he called Buck 'Evan' and Buck was ok#so stop making Tommy toxic#evan buckley#911#evan buck buckley#bucktommy#911 abc#tommy kinard#that*#tevan#kinley
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