#i remember at first i thought it was clever because i was like 12

[chongoblog]

Me: “I’m not multi-lingual, but I one sentence I’ve learned in every language is ‘I can speak your language, and I don’t appreciate what you’re saying about me’”

My Chinese co-workers who were talking about their nature hike last week:

[fellthemarvelous]

Invisible scars

(TW: religious trauma)

Looking at me, you wouldn't know that I've survived religious trauma. The marks of religious trauma are seldom visible. In fact, I had no idea for the longest time that I had religious trauma (I thought it was a thing that happened to other people). I simply spent decades questioning the reasons I felt like I was so broken on in the inside. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and why I never felt happy or like I was never able to connect to anyone. I had no idea that my experience with the church as a small child is what shaped me into the anxiety-ridden, majorly depressed disaster creature I am today.

I spent 12 years learning inside of Catholic schools. It has taken me more than 20 years to process and deconstruct, and I am always going to be a work in progress. I was brainwashed into believing the very worst about myself, and I was always just beyond saving because I had the misfortune of being a woman in a church that taught us that women experience pain during childbirth as a natural consequence of Eve eating the apple, which is why they enjoy making us suffer in the first place. They taught us that Adam ate the apple because Eve seduced him, so even though Adam also ate the apple, his sin still wasn't as bad as Eve's because she did it first and used sex to get him to do the same. They placed the blame for Original Sin squarely on Eve and thus onto every single girl who entered the church. If a boy did something to me that I didn't like, it's probably because I did something to provoke him first.

Do you know what I learned to do at a very young age just to be able to cope with that?

I learned to use humor to deflect when I was struggling. I smile when I don't want people to know I'm sad. I laugh at inappropriate times, especially when I'm uncomfortable. I learned to bottle up all of my emotions because expressing anything other than happiness is bad. I learned to compartmentalize. I taught myself how to pull out the right emotion for the right occasion because I was always striving to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. It was exhausting.

In the midst of all of this, I'm trying to figure out which parts of me are really me and which parts of me are things that were put into my head. If you've experienced indoctrination, you know what I'm talking about. They pulled us apart as small children and placed us in specific boxes and told us that deviating from the norm was bad.

Crowley is a fallen angel. His change from angel to demon is drastic on the outside.

You know he fell and that his wings turned black and he ended up in a pool of boiling sulfur. It's the reason Crowley is so easy to sympathize with. He suffered unfairly because of arbitrary rules that deemed him unforgivable. He's accepted that part of himself. He's clever and creative and it has helped him find ways to get out of doing his job for centuries. Hell doesn't care how jobs get done just as long as someone does them, and at this point humanity is doing more to damn themselves than the demons are able to keep up with. They're tired and overworked. Hell is overpopulated even though it should be infinite in size. Crowley wants no part of that system because he sees it for what it is, just as he sees Heaven for what it is. He has the marks to prove that he is one of the damned, but that has given him all the perspective he needs to see that both sides are fucked up and toxic and "irredeemable" (just like him). He has yet to fully let go of the hold Heaven has over him because of how badly he got hurt.

Aziraphale is still an angel.

He never fell, and he doesn't know why. He has lied to God. He has lied to Gabriel repeatedly. He lies to protect Crowley. He lies to protect humanity.

Remember, Crowley and Aziraphale started off in the same place.

They both started off as angels who were created to do God's bidding. Aziraphale is the one who told Crowley what he'd heard about everything shutting down in 6,000 years. He was simply trying to make conversation. He didn't think it was something Crowley would object to. Angels were just supposed to go along with God's plans, but Crowley had a different opinion and was vocal about it. Where did Aziraphale get his information in the first place? Why does nobody ever ask this question?

Aziraphale knows Heaven is toxic. He's not blind. We need to move past this idea that because he still has love for God that he doesn't know Heaven is fucked up. He never fell, and it's something he still fears because who the hell doesn't fear the thought of eternal torment, especially if you know it's real? God has never cast him out of Heaven though and he doesn't know why. It's probably something that hangs over his head like the Sword of Damocles.

Letting go is not an easy task. Aziraphale has always been an angel. He didn't have his identity ripped from him the same way that Crowley did. Crowley had to adapt to a brand new way of existing because he was cast out of Heaven.

Crowley's trauma is evident on the outside. Aziraphale's trauma is hidden on the inside. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Crowley was an angel and then he was a demon, but he doesn't want to be labeled as either.

Aziraphale has only ever known how to be an angel. He's only ever known the ways of Heaven.

I'm only in my early 40s. It has taken me 20+ years to undo 12 years of religious abuse. Aziraphale is immortal. He and Crowley have abandoned their jobs, but four years in the space of millions isn't a lot. No one overcomes indoctrination in four years. Especially when you had millions of years of blind obedience indoctrinated into you. It simply does not work that way no matter how much you want to believe it can.

It has taken me more than two decades to learn how to stop hating myself. I still have no idea how to love myself, but it's something I'm trying to learn.

My entire identity was wrapped up in what the church told me it would be. Once I fully denounced it and all organized religion, I found out I had no idea who I was. No one had prepared me for a life outside of this one very specific identity and role that I was expected to fill based on a very specific box I was placed into.

I still struggle with black and white concepts. It's hard to unlearn when you have no other basis for comparison, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It means that these changes do not and will not ever happen overnight.

The fall didn't just affect the demons though. It affected the angels as well. Look at how tightly wound the angels are. They're always trying to do the good thing, but they have no idea what that actually means, and you realize this when Uriel asks The Metatron if they had done something wrong. They are scared of making mistakes, but none of them know what they are supposed to be doing since Gabriel disrupted the status quo. You can see they are unsure of themselves and of each other. The concept of free will is so foreign to them, but Aziraphale showed all of them that it was in their grasp when he allowed Gabriel and Beelzebub to decide where to go so they could be together.

It takes a lot of audacity (and sheer ignorance) to dismiss Aziraphale as power-hungry and abusive.

Aziraphale did nothing to punish Gabriel and Beelzebub. He allowed them to leave because they were in love with each other, and he knows what that feels like. He thought he was about to get the same fate with Crowley until The Metatron showed up and refused to take no for an answer.

He doesn't want to fix Heaven because he thinks it's perfect. If he thought it was perfect he wouldn't want to fix it.

Aziraphale is going back into the Lion's Den. He knows what he's going up against. He's been humiliated and belittled and abused by Heaven for thousands of years.

His scars are there even though you can't see them, and he hides his pain with humor and silliness.

When I see people advocating for Aziraphale to suffer even more because they don't think he has suffered enough, I find myself sitting back in one of those classrooms in Catholic school being told that I deserve the bad things that happen to me because I somehow failed to measure up to some impossible metric. The cruelty of that mindset aimed at Aziraphale is kinda the reason Crowley hates Heaven in the first place because he's been there too.

And as someone who is processing religious trauma, it's disheartening to see people say that because Aziraphale has yet to fully let go of Heaven that he deserves harsher treatment. Crowley would definitely not agree with that sentiment.

[regency-monster-love]

Monstertober day 12: devilish charm

Male cambion/tiefling x female human | Regency era | SFW

“How glad I am that you did not come to Bath with your parents,” the captain told his dance partner as he took her hand and moved in a circle around her.

“Why should you be glad of that?” she asked.

“Because not many human parents would approve of their pretty little daughter dancing with a cambion male,” he replied, a slow smile stretching across his face to reveal the tips of his sharp teeth.

“Oh!” She glanced back over to where her friend and chaperone stood, who had brought her on this trip, but the woman was looking away. Surely it wasn’t improper for her to be dancing with a cambion if her chaperone had not objected when he asked for her hand. 

Even though cambion were wicked in the frightening novels she liked to read, she was fairly certain the authors had invented their darkest qualities. “But aren’t those simply myths that cambion are descended from demons and drink blood and whatnot?” she asked him. (She would not admit to herself that she would not terribly mind if the myths were actually true.)

Rich laughter rolled from his lips at her having the confidence to come right out and ask him such a thing! He found her candor amusing, but more than that, it was refreshing and quite charming. 

But she colored, so he checked his laughter. “Yes, those are myths. I am no demon,” he told her sincerely, with no mockery in his voice.

He leaned his head down close to hers as their bodies came together on the next step of the dance. “But I am devilishly charming, don’t you think?” he murmured with an arch smile.

His boast made her forget her embarrassment over what she had asked him, and a delighted smile bloomed on her face unbidden. She couldn’t deny that he was. It was precisely because he was a monster that she had been excited to first meet him, but once she had started to speak to him, she’d found she quite enjoyed his playfulness that skirted the edge of being improper but never quite crossed it.

His physical attractiveness added to his charm for her. She had always been partial to a smart red coat on an officer, and this officer not only had the coat but the dusky red skin, dark red horns, and rich red-black hair to match. And oh! he was so much taller than her! She had to tilt her head back quite far to be able to look into his violet eyes when they stood chest to chest, as they were now, in the dance. Something about him towering over her was very alluring.

She suddenly remembered he had called her “little.” And “pretty.” She’d forgotten it in her momentary distress over whether it was improper for her to dance with him. Now, recalling the compliment made her blush.

He noticed it. Oh, he did so like seeing that pale pink flush on her cheeks. “Mm, should I be impertinent and ask what it is that is making you blush?” he mused. The pink deepened and spread at that, and he smiled broadly at her.

He couldn’t help but think of what he could do to provoke an even deeper blush on even more of her skin.

“Don’t be afraid,” he assured her. “I’ll let you keep your secrets. It allows me to imagine the most pleasing option of what may be going through your mind, no matter how unlikely it is to be true—and I have a very good imagination.”

“That sounds like a trick to get me to correct your assumptions and reveal what I was actually thinking of,” she countered.

He laughed again. “Aren’t you a clever one! But I did not actually mean it as a trick. I’d much rather you not tell me, so I may keep the incorrect but pleasing thought in my head.”

“What if the truth is even better than whatever you are imagining?”

He gave her a wolfish smile. “I think it’s impossible that you’re thinking of something more pleasing than what I’m imagining right now.”

“You might be surprised. I read very shocking novels,” she admitted.

He arched an eyebrow at her. “Do you?” She was indeed proving to be a surprising girl, even more intriguing than he’d originally presumed. Yes, he was very glad to have taken this opportunity to dance with her, and he hoped to have the pleasure repeated.

His violet eyes gleamed, and he fixed her with a look dripping with his devilish charm. “Then I think we will have many interesting things to converse about, you and I.”

~ 😈🎩 ~

Inspired by Northanger Abbey, of course! I’ll be posting more Regency monster ficlets and snippets like this with the tag “my writing.”

[liquidorcard]

Lily can't keep her own "Sympathetic" Villains rules Straight: Anthony Gramuglia edition

See Crim's edition for the rules and outlines. Here we go.

Lily's Response to Ant:

Lily's probably going to get a significantly worse score on this one because me and Ant I think have similar media diets. We begin:

1. In the book, 100% he is THE villain. The movie not as much. Still though, I think movie Hammond more than fit's Lily's criteria. -1 life found a way

2. We already went over this (yes I am still writing p.3 of my Magneto post.) -1 Anthro cow delivering your children

3. Kyubey's keeping the universe from ending Lily. How could you get closer to having a point than that? -1 timeline

4. See Crim's post. He does fail #2. Again though, by Lily's original parameters this was a valid entry. But I have to give her the point. +1 spider gets it's legs ripped off

5. I bet she thought this was clever. -1 gate keeper.

6.N/A

7. I don't even know what she's talking about here. -1

8. Del Toro sends his regards. -1 Nerdy fish man.

9. LILY HASN'T SEEN THE BROADWAY SMASH HIT PLANET OF THE APES THE MUSICAL, STARRING TROY MCCLURE!? For shame! -1 (has anyone else watched that movie recently? I'm not saying it's aged poorly, but like, it is profoundly unintentionally hilarious, watching it in the modern day. I know this was like, the whole thing back then-- leading men who were too cool for school, but Taylor is such a fucking asshole. Cornelius is the real hero of the film, and everyone bullies him for not matching their lunatic energy. #justiceforCornelius #GeorgeTaylorisoverparty)

10. N/A (Trekkies don't try me.)

11. N/a

12. N/A (I mean I feel like I've probably seen the whole Mummy franchise just through memes at this point but. Lily's reasoning here is fucking asinine though-- as per usually Ant us uniquely getting her goat.)

13. This is actually the first example that breaks rule #3. Sorry fam I love Elfen Lied too, but it's a bit of a hot mess. +1 dead puppy

14. Scar is a dead ringer to Lily's criteria. She straight up just didn't have a pot to piss in, so she just wrote "no." -1 Dwarf in a flask

15. For the record, my boomer mom has seen Ghost in the Shell. The movie anyway. -1 body on loan

16. I watched this as a kid but can't really remember anything about it, so, I gotta put it as N/A.

17. This might actually be the first time I've seen anyone else memtion this movie . . . But still. -1 burnt wheelchair

18. Not plus ultra. -1 for all

19. Oh fuck off Lily. Glass houses. -1 jutsu

20. Sai, Crim and Ant spoke pretty extensively about this one. -1 angry hair raise

21. This one too. -1 demon pig

22. Yes she is. -1 dad

23. See Crim's list. -1 Prisoner 24601

24. N/A

25. Read ANY book, Lily. -1 absent godly parent.

26. I've only read the first one. N/A

27. Lily's reason here is bullshit but I haven't seen Columbo either. N/A

28. Why not Lily? -1 Jimbo

29. YES SHE FUCKING IS LILY. Just because in a modern context her story is a lot more tragic doesn't mean she isn't intended to be a villain. Lily made up the rule "has a point," but if they have an iron clad one she just declares them not a villain. -1 head

30. OBJECTION! NOW YOU REMEMBER VILLAIN AND ANTAGONIST ARENT TRUE SYNONYMS FOR EACH OTHER!? -1 Lily if you could just ONCE try to engage with a media discussion honestly.

31. N/A. I'll get around to watching it.

32. Not in Dracula Untold. -1 Damn Luke Evans looks like he was cloned from Orlando Bloom. I can't tell those two apart.

33. DIFFERENT DRACULAS. HOLY SHIT. -1 Lily this rational is so piss poor it's embarrassing. Even for you.

34. N/A

35. Isn't he in Kingdom Hearts? -1 Ah Ha Ha Ha

36. Another non-surprise. -1 traveler on his way home.

37. I haven't played enough Kurby to know why Meta Knight is a sympathetic villain. N/A

38. I've played enough to know Lily's right on this one. +1 Deddeddeedeeededededeeedede

39. A) several characters on both Crim and Ants' lists have been protagonists. B) IT'S FUCKING COMMON POPCULTURE KNOWLEDGE DONKEY KONG WAS THE ANTAGONIST IN THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF BOTH MARIO AND DK. -1 Lily I'm fucking shocked you don't know this. Genuinely. That's saying something, considering it's you.

40. Solid Lily continues to be the worst one. -1 LIQUIDDDDDDDD

41. Yes she is. Her point is the magic is what keeps her fucking family safe. -1 gift

42. You'd probably like this movie actually, Lily. Not the book, but. Or maybe not, there's no incest lesbians I guess. -1 sexy tree

43. I'm going to give Lily the point to maintain consistency that mind-manipulation doesn't count as "a point." Before he put on the crown he's not really even an antagonist, so. He IS an example of a sympathetic villain, however. +1

44. THERE ARE OTHER ANIMALS ON THIS LIST. Another one who's spot on, so she can't figure out how to even pretend to argue against it. -1 Beauty who killed the beast

45. GODZILLA ISN'T LITERALLY A NUKE. -1 pop culture jokes don't substitute proper media analysis

46. The Kaiju Lily. Her name is the title of the film. It's not Ant's fault You're too lazy to Google shit. -1 Viking Relic

(Biollante would have been my personal pick for sympathetic Kaiju. And her dad. She would have broken Lily's first rule since she's probably not aware of exactly what's happened to her, but. Her father at least fits Lily's criteria. A lot of the Kaiju are sympathetic though.)

47. This is a perfect example as to why Lily's rules are ridiculous. John Kramer is, in my opinion, outrageously unjustified in what he does. He follows her rules though. Having a bad point is still having a point. How "well written" he is wildly different depending on the movie, but because he's at least well written sometimes I'm counting him. -1 foot

48. You haven't read Paradise Lost Lily. I know you haven't. -1 Satan crying for everything he's lost

49. God Lily I wish you'd actually read something for once because this is an even better example as to why your rules are a joke. -1 Facist Worm King

50. This is a specific example. -1 tears, it's a waist of good suffering.

LILY'S FINAL SCORE: 19/50

38% - F

Got wrong: 24

Got right: 2

Removing the ones I haven't seen:

19/39

48% - F

Removing the ones Lily hasn't seen:

15/37

40% - F

Removing the ones we both haven't seen:

2/26

7% - F

[lisharchivez]

Hello I noticed you shared the ss of affinity for requirement and iirc for Sylus we jumped from lvl 1 to 5 right? Do you know if it's the same with other LI?

And I recently saw someone shared a quote from the affinity but sadly they don't specify which one and I don't remember if I already passed it. I thought we can check it at the affinity level on the LI profile so I only ss a few. If you don't mind, is it okay if you shared the affinity ss for Zayne? Only if you feel it's not a burden and if you have records of it of course. Thank you for everything 🩵

Hi

Whoever anon is I hope you get the response you wanted .

Please read the whole thing where I will try to explain the whole affinity quote thing based on my experiences..I have been meaning to talk about this

Let's talk about affinity first -

Let's start with latest man of the hour ,Sylus

Yes if u unlock sylus in main story you immediately jump from 1-4/5+ (depending whether u did the chat and then replied to his posts) immediately.

Reasons being - fighting with him ,getting cards so unlocking companion , chatting with him and interacting in posts.

I did all that as they designed a player to do and Got to 1-5

if you skip socials then it will be 1-4 jump.

For Zayne

He is the 3rd LI we meet in game ,And 2nd companion we unlock in destiny cafe after chapter 1

Mind you you can take a break after Chapter 1 with no one to rush you .

There's a [story] we get from him .

AND the BOND tutorial makes you do HIS bond as tutorials.

so with all that thing ,his affinity jump is very High overall in your first day of playing . But since everything happens After he is unlocked as companion you might be lucky to see the 💓1-> 💓2/3 and gradual progress if u don't do alotta stuff together because then the jump would be 2->6 ,8->13 due to catching up in affinity level .

but you can get 10-12+ affinity overnight if u are new player and you main him .

Same goes for Xavier .

You can unlock him BEFORE zayne in fact u can stop story midway where u didn't meet zayne and interact with Xavier .

Although he doesn't have the bond tutorial buff .

He is the face for the rest of tutorials ,name it Touching in destiny cafe ,Trial stages ,very first card u ever level up or equip Protocore to .

And you what comes with it? Affinity level up!!

Add choosing him in beginner standard banner.

Yeah..

you can get 10-12+ affinity overnight as a new player if u are new player and you main him .

For Rafayel

He is locked in Chapter 2.. a lot of new players makes the mistake of not finishing chapter 2 but pulling for him .resulting the delay of his affinity level up

When we unlock him in story we use our very first Burst with him .and then there are two Text back to back that helps his affinity.

But for rest you have to be clever and him focused .Because with all the tutorials ,Zayne & Xavier's status has higher advantage of boost without you even trying ..

Just like how everyone has advantage in terms of affinity level against Sylus but you can still see Some fans hitting affinity 70 with him .

About quotes-

When you unlock sylus

his first quote is always

💓1->5/1->4

"You are the one who walked in "

In fact he goes on and on

But in my second alt I didn't respond to the chat .

So I had💓 1->4 jump

Then I got new and interesting quotes due to Cycle being different (4->5 & 6->8 for example)

Then you might think "oh it's the unique cycles that gives the unique quotes"

True BUT

They are just early access & not locked in that particular affinity change.

LIs has chances of saying one single Quotes in a row .

Zayne once went "you are like a dessert" "you are like a dessert " "you are like a dessert " "you are like a dessert" from 22->23->25->26->27->28->29->31 affinity IN A ROW . I think he thinks of mc as dessert idk guys what do you think?

Likewise sylus sometimes he goes on tangent on one singular quote

But it doesn't guarantee he will say same thing for you..he didn't do for me

But one thing stays consistent is the affinity where moment post / chat / phone call unlocks .

for those affinities you will get quotes that stays consistent for most part .

that's why I try include the screenshot of them because chances are they are same for you .

unless you are odd one out-

But 100% consistency?? Are they though??

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

another example ,same quote but entirely different stage of affinities .

So yeah it's hard to tell "exact" affinity you will get your quotes .

when the new companion unlocks

The very first affinity quote from every LI will and should be same for everyone

then as you progress ,When everything is new about them ,that's where it's same quotes for affinities for every player .

For zayne

his first quote for me was always

💓1->2

"it's a wonderful thing to see you again"

then these following quotes will come through (this is based on last encounter SS)

💓 2->3

" it's a wonderful thing to see you again"

💓4->5

" it's a wonderful thing to see you again"

💓5->6

" it's a wonderful thing to see you again"

💓 6->7

" for a long time ,my gaze has always been yours "[text unlock:waiting room]

💓 7->8

" we have been meeting each other a lot as of late"[moment post :rabbit]

💓 8->9

" it's a wonderful thing to see you again"

💓 9->10

" I am more than just your doctor"[gift for room]

💓 10->11

" I am more than just your doctor"

💓10->11

" contact me even if for no particular reason"

💓 11->12

" contact me even if it's for no particular reason"

💓 11->12

" you are the best medicine I have"

💓11->14

" contact me even if it's for no particular reason"

💓19->20

"your destination is where I want to go "

💓20->21

"you are like a dessert "

For Rafayel

First quote was

💓 1->4

"let's look at the sea together next time "

then these following quotes will come through (this is based on last encounters SS)

💓5->6

"let me see if there are new requests"

💓5->6

"we meet again ,miss bodyguard"

💓6->7

"we meet again miss body guard"

💓5->7

"let's look at the sea together next time"

💓7->8

"let's look at the sea together next time"

💓8->9

"let's look at the sea together next time"

💓 8->9

""we meet again ,miss bodyguard"

💓 9->10

"you seem to always appear with the sun"

💓 9->11

"you always bring refreshing inspiration"

💓10->11

"you always bring refreshing inspiration"

💓11->12

"you always bring refreshing inspiration"

💓11->12

"you seem to always appear with the sun"

💓 11->13

"you seem to always appear with the sun"

💓13->14

"everyday is worth commemorating"

💓 13->14, 16->17, 17->19

"you seem to always appear with the sun"

💓14->15

"you always bring refreshing inspiration"

💓15->17

"everyday is worth commemorating"

💓19->21

"you are my only choice "

💓21->22

"all my weekends are for you to use"

For Xavier

First quote last time was

💓1->3

" lets meet at a safer place next time "

then these following quotes will come through (this is based on last encounters SS)

💓3->4

" lets meet at a safer place next time "

💓4->5

"companionship sounds like a good idea"

💓5->7

"companionship sounds like a good idea"

💓9->10

"I should leave my oven to you"

💓11->12

"I won't be a player short in two-player game anymore "

💓11->12

" now I have someone I can share food with"

💓12->13

"I won't be a player short in two-player game anymore "

💓13->14

" now I have someone I can share food with"

💓14->15

" now I have someone I can share food with"

💓16->17

"I won't be a player short in two-player game anymore "

💓16->17

" now I have someone I can share food with"

💓 17->19

" now I have someone I can share food with"

💓18->19

"I won't be a player short in two-player game anymore "

💓18->19

" now I have someone I can share food with"

💓19->20--20->21--21->23->

"every promise to see each other will be kept "

A lot repeating and eventually new stuffs comes as you get into new double digits ig . But the line up-

that isn't 100% same for everyone.

Personally I pick the one I get the most times for all 3 options combined ,but I could be wrong too ,there is a chance.

But in the end you will get the quotes sooner or later [it's only a matter of time].

So now we know even though there's serial of when the news quote arrives ,there also isn't.

So what we need is a list of all existing quotes possible,because some players can get stuck with getting one repeatedly ,correct .

There's an awesome player who has been archiving the Affinity quotes for all the LI Boyz @its-de

Check their threads out here's a link of sylus .you can click around and see them as there are also zayne ,rafayel & Xavier's threads.

❄️🖤🐚⭐💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

[kaledya]

You deserve everything. You. Not me. Your art is everything, I think everyone can agree !*give a bouquet of flowers* 🌸🌸🌸 _

Its great that you thoughts about Cain and Abel because I haven't think at all ! I think if I talk about them it will be in season 3 or 4 ? But its great another follower of yours is writing about them !

Not the twilight ptsd (I can't ahah)

I didn't see Supernatural (too many episodess), I'm more Vampire Diaries/Originals but...

Wait a minute. So Cain is the father of murder who written so... technically he is in Hell as Sinner ? In SSAU ? Just curious ! Where is he ? _

Very intelligent and nice character.. hum... I found one!! After some reflexion. Sam in Game of Thrones ? Does it works ? He is very intelligent in comparison of others!

Yeah the harem in my head is wild. But its fine. The boys are fine. And Jack is very clever in a... foxy way. I have James Bond too somewhere, I'm sure they get along. And Raphael will have very interesting chat !

Hannibal : Hello. *scylla song epic the musical begin* You : son ! Raphael ! Run(row) for your life ! Raphael : what– Me : don't worry you will regenerate! See you later ! Don't be traumatised please. Thanks.

This is chaos ahah.

_

The next gifts are sent !🌸 I kinda thinking making Verdelet in maid outfit for 200 kudos achieved ? Good idea ? I don't know. Is it a good gift for everyone ? Its funny !

Fun fact : i draw a first version of Hürrem late at night and when I woke up on the morning I was like "what is THIS ?!" so I draw her again.

Thank you for accepting Hürrem as partner with Giovanni !!

Have a nice day too, as always !

NOO!! (ಠ⁠ ⁠೧⁠ ⁠ಠ YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING TOO!!!

I love your writing and it's seriously one of the things that gives me the most morale during the days I'm having right now! seriously reading your ideas. And see your writing It makes meso happy. Even though when I'm unhappy, I'm become happier because I'm thinking Marquisev will published a new episode soon .Seriously, don't underestimate yourself, you deserve everything too.

Also, you draw beautifully too.If you do not have a tablet, I recommend IbisPaintX. You can take the drawings you have drawn on paper with your phone, convert them into lineart format and use them as digital drawings.You are seriously a very talented person, you really deserve everything.

And I really want to shower you with gifts, but I can't draw many art these days, and I would like to thank you very much for the drawing gifts you gave me. Every time ı see them ıll be like Do I really deserve these?

So in short, you are truly someone who deserves everything and thank you for everything!!!

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

----

I don't think much of it, but after the fanfic written by Void-maker, I was inspired and started to think that the two of them would be interesting characters, especially Cain.

Yes, the best idea is to have them at 3 or 4. You already have a lot of characters that need to be processed!

Yes, the fanfic written by Void-maker is really fun to read and I love the dialogue writing!!

--

Yeah twilight PTSD *crying*Every time I see a half-naked werewolf, I say:

"Put a t-shirt on! your nipples are staring at my soul!!"

--

Yes, it's long, but technically, if you watch up to 5 or 12, the rest is bad. A seriously entertaining series with lots of creatures, demons and angels. Also, the main characters are interesting types.

I watched the originals but then stopped, I don't remember exactly why?I was thinking of watching Vampire Diaries, do you rec that is it good?

--

Cain is not a sinner. According to my research, God cursed him with immortality after he committed the first murder.In fact, I think it was mentioned as "the man who wants to die more than anything else and cannot die"He can go to hell if he wants, but he is not a sinner and has been wandering around the world for thousands of years.And I guess that makes him an interesting character because I don't think the human mind is designed to live that long.That's why Cain's experiences and personality are interesting.

--

Sam can be considered I think ,he was both smart and cinnamon roll.

AND lmao the dialogues you wrote were great, probably dialogues will ne like This if we were there!

FANFIC LAST WHEN I LOOKED IT WAS 199 PLEASE DRAW HIM WİTH THAT

Öhm.. I mekan I think that's a very good idea my good Man*with british Accent* I'm quite sure The reader will Love to see him in that maid outfit.

WHAT??? The first version was great but you made her even more awesome!!! SHOW MEEEEEEEE!!!

Of course I will accept it, I really thank you for creating Hürrem!!!

I hope you have a good day, take care of yourself!!🫂🫂🫂

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.) 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?) 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested. 

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword...  My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. * 

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) 12 eps - Spies reported that it's a real mess and not a hot one.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me. 

In case you missed it

BL Express reviewed The Egoest. Oh boy am I never going to watch that. 

One in a Hundred - Gaga dropped all 12 episodes (c.10 min ea) at once. This is a 2020 Chinese show. It’s not BL. And it has a laugh track. I watched the first & final eps and won’t bother with the rest. DNF

I finally watched the 2022 thing I should have. 

To Sir, With Love - REVIEW

This is a true lakorn with scenery chewing performances from an ensemble cast focused on family obligation and past sins, especially from the mother characters. It is a Thai tellenovella + Gone With the Wind but gay. That said? I loved it: A glorious central brother relationship (the best, made me cry), het romances, class divide + gay *gasp* main romance, the camp of it all! It’s like it was invented by drag queens. Arranged marriage, rebellion, cut sleeves, dramatic death with curses and regrets, beautiful if inaccurate costumes, secrets unraveling, cover ups, sparkle murder, sex herbs, coils within coils including snakes and death by glitter (is anything gayer on this earth?). It’s a WILD ride. It’s not BL. It’s not a romance, it’s a family drama Thorn Birds style but it does end happy for our gay boys. Like Manner of Death I’m struggling to rate something on a BL scale when it patently isn’t a BL. I think I have to give it exactly what I gave that show, 7/10 

I loved it, but not as a BL. 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS (over its BLness) 

Zenra Meshi - REVIEW

AKA Naked Dinner 

I have to be honest, I didn’t really like much about this show. The central premise was too odd and the main character too clumsy & slow on the uptake. I like the food, but there have been food-set BLs before that failed to meet expectations. Too many of them. This one joined that throng. Good ending tho. 7/10 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Love Tractor - REVIEW

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that. 

But (and you knew there was a “but” coming) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different & too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest. 

I did dither a lot though, it’s not an 8 but not a 9 either. Better than Love Mate (8/10) not as good as The New Employee (9/10) but in the end I’m value adding up for the premise and the cast, giving it a 9/10. 

RECOMMENDED 

(Gotta say, because this is rare for me, that this had a great OST. Not the credit music but the refrain, Rainbow.) 

Next Week Looks Like This:

July 2023 Supposedly... 

7/3 Be Mine SuperStar (Thai Mon Viki) 12 eps - JaFirst whipping boy/spoiled prince, obsession, celebrity/mundane. Third-year film student Punn (Ja) gets an internship on the set of a drama. He’s come to learn, but "what lights his passion even more than the work" is leading man Achi, Thailand's sweetheart. Adapted from the novel “The Superstar and the Puppy on Set” (พี่พระเอกกับเด็กหมาในกอง) by Orpheus, cast includes Benjamin Brasier (2moons2), Bosston Suphadach (UWMA), Jo Kavinpat (War of Y), Kokliang (TharnType). Directed by David Bigander (Bite Me) which makes me nervous. Maybe he'll do better with an adaptation?

7/6 Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu ????) 12 eps - The story is a continuation of Minato & Shin's love story, and it picks up 10 years after the events of season 1 but the characters don't seemed to have grown at all. Very Japan of you, Japan.

7/7 Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 10 eps -  Gu Bu-Xia has the ability to hear ghosts, except when he is around his new roommate Jiang Chi. So he starts to find ways to approach Jiang Chi. But is it  the ghosts or Jiang Chi’s charm?

7/8 Low Frequency (Thai Sat YouTube?) 8 eps - ghost boyfriend, celebrity/mundane - Mon's life as a spirit-seeing interior decorator is full of headaches. On good days, he helps settle problems for his relative, who is a star manager. But then he gets involved with the spirit of Thames, a famous young actor who is in a coma.

7/9 Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - JoonDunk are back. Zo, a college freshman whose never been in love, decides to change it by making the college’s star Nita as his gf. He approaches Joke, Nita’s ex, for dating advice. What he fails to realize is that Joke has had his eyes on him for a long time and uses this opportunity to approach Zo. TMS 2.0.

7/15 Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat ????)  Stars the pair from To Sir With Love and with the same production team, cryptic description, but it seems to be Manner of Death esk.

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not... that is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts.

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 (TutorYim rumored to cameo) this office romance features 2, yes 2! Bls. Seme looks aggressive, we in classic yaoi territory. There is an idol involved. Past failed flirts. I am very excited about this one.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To Sir With Love

Best execution of the piggyback trope ever? I think so. 

Fucking GENIUS piece of acting. Bruce we LOVE you! 

All Step By Step 

It was stupid funny, okay? (Stupid Genius) 

Ridiculous man, you don’t have to eye fuck THAT hard. But we all appreciate it. (Vian) 

Dangerous thing to say in a show about identity in relationships. 

Brave boy.

I said this show was deep, not that I was. Although Patts seems to be going there. 

I’ll stop now.

All La Pluie. 

(Last week.)

[amazingmsme]

(Elpenor anon)

If you got this already, I’m sorry but when I put this in an ask, Tumblr was breaking because of the sheer quantity of the fic, although that may have been like that because it was my phone.

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown

  Empty, is what all Elpenor knows at that moment. How empty his mind is, how empty his heart is, how empty his stomach is, how empty his eyes were, but the wet spot of the deck was especially empty, where Eurylochus of Same, his mentor, his friend, the second-in-command turned captain, used to be.

  What happened or the event that caused it should’ve been seen or at least thought about earlier, but everyone was too busy trying to survive, to get home, to eat; that any circumstances for what they did slipped from their mind. 

  What pushed the boulder down the steep hill, was the death of 14 men at the club of a cyclops (Polyphemus, a part of his mind reminded him), one of those men being Polites of Ithaca- a soldier, a kind man, and the closest friend of King Odysseus of Ithaca, the captain of their vast fleet. The cyclops, a shepherd of the sheep that the men killed, would’ve taken more men’s lives in blood-curling rage, would’ve taken their lives as revenge for taking his sheep’s lives- if his consciousness didn’t fade from the lotus Odysseus put in the wine he gifted to him (the irony is that Odysseus gave him the wine as an gift so his sheep was a gift to him, meaning that Odysseus used a gift as a way to deceive him, like how the cyclops deceived them into thinking he’s letting them go.)

   They were so close to leaving unscathed, without any circumstances; the cyclops was blinded by the same club that killed their friend by Odysseus’ command, the cyclops was unable to tell the cyclopes who blinded due to Odysseus’ cunning mind, they got to their ships without notice or loss. They were practically ready to sail away, but something happened to Odysseus. Something snapped inside him, there must’ve have been; what else would explain why he didn’t board the ship and instead ran towards the cyclops, with sharp sword in hand and sharper grief-filled anger in heart.

  Elpenor watched as Odysseus slashed the cyclops; stabbed, cut, sliced, anything that could’ve possibly killed the Cyclops and avenge the men lost. But he didn’t succeed in his attempt , instead, he angered the cyclops, beyond words. Elpenor remembered his last words, as he was held helpless in the blinded cyclops’ fist, lift above his gaping maw, ready to bite and chew and swallow to add the King of Ithaca to his stomach. His last words before that creature dropped him into his mouth, before the crew heard that sickening crunch and the agonized screams that lasted only for a few moments as he was eaten. His last words before Eurylochus commanded the ships to row and sail away from the island.

   His last words were “Eurylochus of Same, as your captain and friend, I am entrusting you with bringing the fleets home and taking care of my family until my son is of age to become king!”. The words were panicked and rushed, but that never stopped Odysseus, who was famous for his cunning and strategies, from being eloquent and clever with his words. That was the last time Elpenor saw the king of Ithaca alive and breathing, and the first time he saw Odysseus dead and still. But as the 12 ships rowed away as fast as they can, Elpenor swore the cyclops tilted his head towards the ships, just a little bit, as if he was almost contemplating. And whatever he was contemplating, he acted upon it, and in doing that, unleashes a tragedy upon the men that will take months or years to overcome and pass by. 

  The ships had to go through a terrible storm- a storm that could’ve ended more lives if Eurylochus didn’t command them properly. They rowed and sailed where the new captain demanded, and they were getting closer and closer to Ithaca, despite the storm. They were so close to home (or everyone else’s), so close, before all their effort was all for nothing, because of the actions and ruthlessness of a deity. Poseidon, the God of the sea, storms, earthquakes and horses, one of 12 Olympians, and the most horrifically important, the father of the cyclops Polyphemus.   The father of the cyclops they took from, the cyclops they drugged, and the cyclops they permanently crippled. It should’ve been obvious at the start, a cyclops would’ve never been created unless they have a divine deity as a parent. And whatever kindness the deity had for them, left as soon as his son told him who had a part of his mortal injury, a man that goes by Eurylochus of Same. 

   Poseidon threw the storms at them, made it hard to get to Ithaca, and when that didn’t work, decided to see them face-to-face. The actions and mannerisms made it abundantly clear that he’s pissed, pissed by the fact they caused permanently injury to his son and didn’t have the decency to put him out of his misery, and instead left him forever blind. His words held a sense of irony, because if they did kill the cyclops, not only would his son be put out of his misery, in which he wouldn’t go after them, but if they killed him, the cyclops would’ve never told his father who killed and blinded him. It was tragic and ironic that an act that some people would’ve thought as merciful, is actually seen as cruel. And the deity, in his anger, wanted them to teach that ruthlessness is mercy to yourself. A lesson taught in the cruelest way possible.

  Eurylochus tried to explain to him that they did try to kill his son, that their captain lost his life trying to end his life, but the deity made his decision, his cruel and cold decision. Not only would the god of the seas not allowed them to return home to Ithaca anytime soon, but he, as if it was taking a toy away from a child, drowned 6 ships filled with men; to show that by drowning the 294 men, he took mercy upon them from suffering the heartbreak of never returning home, leaving 291 men to suffer the consequences. It must’ve been poetic justice to him, how killing half of their men and left the rest to suffer parallels how they blinded his son and left him to suffer. It must’ve been satisfying to him. It must’ve been so satisfying that he changed his mind and planned to drown the other 6 ships; he would’ve, if Eurylochus didn’t speak up and made a big sacrifice for the remaining crew to live, and left Elpenor with big shoes to fill and a bigger hole in his heart.

  He made a deal with Poseidon, that for the safety and survival of his men and a possibility of getting home, he would give his life to him and he can do whatever he wants with him. Eurylochus was always loyal to the crew and was willing to sacrifice his life just for a chance that the rest of the crew survived and gets home. And Poseidon, possibly touched by his loyalty, accepted the deal. But told him that doesn’t mean that he’ll grant the crew easy access home, that they have to work for it. But Eurylochus still agreed, because a deal where all of them were alive and had a chance to go home was worth the sacrifice.

  What happened 5 minutes ago, but Elpenor feels like he could never accept what happened, could never wrap his head around it, could never even move from that position where Eurylochus was right in front of him, smiling at him with tearfilled eyes, with his big hands placed on Elpenor’s smaller shoulders, with his claymore on the floor besides him, a claymore bigger than Elpenor himself. He had to bend down to look Elpenor in the eyes, an action he did many times to help him sword fight. But this is different, this is his last goodbye to his mentee and his friends, his possible last words, and his last decision as captain. What he told Elpenor was heard by most of the crew, but he was looking him in the eyes, as if to tell him this was a final decision and it’s permanent, no matter what Elpenor says.

  “As my last decision as captain, I, Eurylochus of Same, am passing the title to you, Elpenor.” was what he said. The decision was made to further the chances of them getting home; after all, Elpenor was the heart of the crew after Polites- he kept the crew’s spirits and motivation up- he was a formidable opponent-taught by Eurylochus who made him an excellent swordsman- and knew what to do and what to say and where to go -due to Odysseus teaching him on those long stretches where Odysseus misses his son and Elpenor misses a father. The decision was made with the best intentions in mind, but hearing that, was like a funeral bell to the Elpenor’s ears. And then a few moments laters, Eurylochus was gone, swept away by the sea.

   And there, Elpenor stood, dead still and silent as if he was the one who died at that very moment. His eyes didn’t stray from the spot where his mentor stood, where the last person that felt like family stood. He didn’t move, hoping this was a nightmare, where he’ll wake up and find everyone okay, where all his friends were alive, where the 3 fucking people who practically raised him and took care of him were alive and breathing and they’ll be there to comfort him. But it’s not, this is reality, where he’s awake and alone and in charge of 290 men’s lives.

  How can he accepted what happened? How can he even accepted it? He was there. Eurylochus was right there. And now, he’s gone. He’s gone forever. His mentor was gone forever. The last person that treated him like family was gone forever. He couldn’t just, move on, can he? The last of the three people that gave them hope in going home was gone. He faintly heard someone call ‘captain’ as he stood there, motionless. His dark eyes were frozen on that wet spot where Eurylochus last stood. Was he even breathing, or was his lungs frozen with the same shock and pain as the rest of him? Someone was still calling the captain, but who’s the captain now? The captain is gone, eaten by a cyclops and drowned by the sea. 

   There was no captain, yet someone was still calling for one. Who’s going to respond? There’s no captain anymore. But someone is still calling for one. Through the daze, he vaguely felt a hand touch his shoulder, and the word ‘captain’ was repeated. He didn’t respond, he wasn’t the captain, he was Elpenor; the most unimportant and unimpressive of the crew of Odysseus. There’s no captain. They died, both trying to protect and avenge the rest of their crew. But still, someone was calling for the captain. How is there not a captain anymore?

(Elpenor Anon)

Also I accidentally (accidentally) gave Elpenor abandonment issues.

I don’t know how,

So sorry I didn’t get to this til now, but life has been crazy let me tell you! It did go the This is absolutely heart wrenchingly beautiful & so well written! I believe in Captain Elpenor even if he doesn’t believe in himself!

[asongofstarkandtargaryen]

JON SNOW DAY 12: HOUSE TARGARYEN 🐉🏰

For Targaryen day on Jon’s fortnight I wanted to examine the parallels of the character with his great ancestor, Good Queen Alysanne.

In terms of appearance neither favors the traditional Targaryen beauty of the silver hair and purple eyes. Alysanne takes after her grandmother’s family looks and Jon’s after his mother’s Stark look:

Her eyes were blue rather than purple, her hair a mass of honey-colored curls.  

Fire & Blood, The year of the three brides

The boy absorbed that all in silence. He had the Stark face if not the name: long, solemn, guarded, a face that gave nothing away.  

AGOT, TYRION II

Both are described as very clever:

No man ever questioned her wits.

Fire & Blood, The year of the three brides  

Maester Aemon closed his eyes, and for a brief moment Jon was afraid that he had gone to sleep. Finally he said, "Maester Luwin taught you well, Jon Snow. Your mind is as deft as your blade, it would seem."  

AGOT, JON V

Alysanne and Jon are both charming and natural leaders. Alysanne was beloved by her subjects both the noble ones and the lowborn. Similarly, Jon is able to win over not only of noble lords/kings such as: Maester Aemon, Jeor Mormont, Stannis Baratheon but also lowborn people like his black brothers who elect him Lord Commander and the free folk who at the end of ADWD are following him as if he were their king.

The reason behind the large following of those two is that both care about other people and genuinelly want to improve the conditions of their subjects.

Beloved by the common people of Westeros, she loved them in return, and was renowned for her charities.  

So spake Martin

[...]Your heart is noble, Jon, but learn a lesson here. We cannot set the world to rights. That is not our purpose. The Night's Watch has other wars to fight."  

ACOK, JON III

Unlike many other characters who agree with westerosi sexist views on women, both Alysanne and Jon don’t support these views. What is more, both try to empower them. Alysanne not only convinced her husband to forbide the right of First Night, but also supported her granddaughter Rhaenys’ claim over her grandson Viserys’. Jon gave his little sister a weapon because he thought that she deserved to be able to protect herself as much as any man.

Alysanne saw no reason why a man should be favored over a woman...  

AWOIAF, JAEHAERYS I

The women are the strong ones.  

ADWD, JON III

Any comparison between Good Queen Alysanne and Jon Snow would be incomplete without mentioning the Wall and how both play a crucial role in helping the Night’s Watch. Alysanne donated her own jewels, including her crown, in order for Deep Lake to be built. Despite the fact that the castle was eventually abandoned, the Night’s Watch still fondly  remembers the Queen for her generosity. When Jon Snow becomes Lord Commander he also uses his wit to help the Night’s Watch. He quickly realized that the orderw was undermanned and underfunded, and made alliances with Stannis and the Iron Bank to remedy those facts. He also reopens some of the Night’s Watch abandoned castles. One of them is the one his ancestor Alysanne built, Deep Lake.

[wackus-bonkus-maximus]

20 questions for fic writers

i'm very late but thank you so much for the tags @chocoluckchipz, @kasienda, @ladyofthenoodle, @lesbitorte, @rosie-b, and @bittersweetresilience (and if i missed anybody who did tag me i'm sorry! this post is dedicated to you in spirit <3)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

somehow it's up to 26

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

somehow it's up to 307,102

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug right now, but i've had some lockwood & co ideas spinning ever since i finished the show and books!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

one does not love breathing

what makes a monster

this is how you lose him

keys to the kingdom

like smoke from a furnace

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes i try to respond to all! and i think this might be why odnlb and lies of attrition have more comments than kudos now... or it's just my wackus touch :3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think it's rest your head (upon my shoulder) - but only because i know what happens after! i might write a follow up someday to fix that...

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i had to think about this because i tried really hard to make the ending for odnlb worth all the angst and the happiest of all. but i think the truest happy ending goes to like smoke from a furnace 💛

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i've gotten some salt, some mean bookmarks, and exactly ONE hate comment on don't be a stranger (which i keep there as a badge of honor 🤩). but other than that people have been really respectful to me and supportive of my writing. it makes me really happy to be part of this community!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no, it's not for me. i stay off nsfw tags/ channels too.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

ooh i distinctly remember writing a sonny with a chance/ wizards of waverly place crossover when i was a middle schooler on ff.net and thinking i was very clever.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YES. back on ff.net 😔

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had a request for odnlb to be translated, but idk what happened with that!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!

ephialtes/reverie with @bittersweetresilience, @ninadove, @paracosmicat, @trishacollins, and @ultear-tigra.

atm i have lies of attrition in-progress with @ladyofthenoodle!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

ahhh i have to pick?? i'm still very weak for raven x beast boy from teen titans 💜💚

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

quitting is for quitters.

16. What are your writing strengths?

plotting and action scenes. i get a lot of compliments on those!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

poetry, stream of consciousness. i feel like my dialogue could be better a lot of the time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

if it serves a narrative purpose, keep it! best examples i can think of is the spanish in blood meridian by joseph conrad, and the soldiers speaking czech in saving private ryan.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

👻 danny phantom! 💚

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

oh it's definitely odnlb. that was my practice fic for writing a novel - my own private test to see if i could do it. turns out i could.

tagging @sizzleissues, @erisluna35, and @narukoibito - no pressure ofc!

[cyandreamsinwords]

Cut and Run — Pt 1 (BoaWT AU)

Is it weird to have AU's of your own fanfic AU...possibly, but after seeing another create post their own for their fic, I decided it might be fun to do so myself.

None of this is cannon to Burning of a Withered Tree, obviously, but because I plan to put them through the ringer with the main fic and drag it out, I'm going to indulge in a happier story line for a bit. it's like a treat, just for me! (1.4K)

Link to the main fic here

Pt 2

----------------------------------------------------

Sirius didn’t allow himself a moment to celebrate. Not when he felt the wind on his face for the first time in years, or experienced the vastness of the open forest he'd ran to around him. He could commiserate in all of that later. There wasn't time now.

It had been said in passing, the singular sentence that spurred him to action: “Perhaps your mother will do better with your daughter then she did you.”

Scoffed by one of the guards, the rare ones they allowed to walk the halls between the dementors, just to check to make sure everything was in order and in its place. And to taunt, apparently. He'd known Sirius from their mother's having been friends, though they themselves never got on. He couldn't even recall his name, but he was positive it'd been something ridiculous. Stupid-name-forgettable-loser, having found his current predicament humorous, thought he'd rub a bit of salt in the wound.

"Perhaps your mother will do better with your daughter then she did you. Or maybe she'll screw her up too, who knows."

All he managed to do was force Sirius' hand. The visceral and instantaneous feeling of panic at the thought that Lyra was there, in that house, with his mother — there was no choice, he had to get to her. Before any damage could be done, and she was forced to go through the years of pain he'd gone through.

He didn't remember much of how he got back to 12 Grimmauld Place, but somehow, he'd managed to get there without being stopped or spotted. It was just past one in the morning when he arrived. The street was empty, and all the lights in the place were off. At some point he acquired a wand and used it to get inside.

He was silent, knowing that while he could fight his mother and Kreature off, if need be, he wanted to make this as smooth as possible. In and out with Lyra before anyone was the wiser.

He checked his old room first. That's where his mother would no doubt put her. And sure enough, the signs of a small child were evident here. His once teenage bedroom had been transformed with softer, frillier decor, but only enough to cover the immovable evidence of him (the large portraits of respectable ladies hung over his girls on motorcycle posters had been a clever touch).

But there was no little girl in the bed.

Sirius was confused. It was night, and she obviously did live here. So where was she?

Just as carefully as when he entered, he scanned the house up and down. And no sign of his daughter. He nearly woke Kreature at one point, sleeping in his little nook, but was quick to sedate him.

She wasn't here. He looked everywhere, becoming more and more desperate with every second, but there was no sign of her. Had the guard just said that to get a ruse out of him? Had his eyes been playing tricks on him upstairs? 

It was nearly two now, and by this point, he knew his daughter wasn't in the house. Where she'd gone, his mind could only imagine horrible things.

He let himself out the back this time, resisting the urge to slam the door shut in frustration. He cursed wildly in frustration for having come so far and still found nothing. He was losing precious time, time he needed to take his daughter and find somewhere safe to hide where the dementors couldn't find him.

Coming down off the back step, he tripped on something, landing in the grass with a thud.

And when he looked up, it was into big grey eyes just like his own.

For a good long minute, the two of them just sat there, staring at one another. Him in disbelief and her in shock and fear.

"...Lyra?"

The little girl, with long dark curls and wide eyes gave him no indication, but he hardly needed one. He knew his little girl. So different than when he'd left that night, now three years old, and so so the same.

He began to stand and started to walk toward her. "Lyra!"

She scrambled back, frightened. His heart dropped, and try as he might, he couldn't stop the disappointment at her reaction. He understood it — a strange man still dressed in his jail rags showing up in the middle of the night, calling her by name — but it was just a reminder of the years he'd missed.

"Hey, it's okay," he soothed her, holding himself back from scooping her up into his arms and running for the hills. He lowered himself back down to his knees, to look smaller, less threatening. "I know you don't know me, but—"

"I know you."

A voice. When he last saw her, she hadn't been speaking yet, just babbling, learning from him how to form words. She'd been just getting da-da down. Now she could speak real words, knew how to string sentences together.

"You do?" His heart was racing.

"You're my father." Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself. The way her little voice formed the word father was awkward and stilted, and he recalled having referred to his own the same, as the man was opposed to any other informal title.

"I am," he confirmed, feeling a tremble in his lip. "What are you doing out here Lyra? You should be inside in bed."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Grandmother said I had to learn a lesson, and I'm not allowed back in until I do." Lyra stumbled over that title as well, the name grandmother even longer and more complex than father.

Sirius had spent most of his life hating his mother, but in that moment, he could go back in and strangle her in her as she slept. She'd been bad when he was growing up, but to lock a three-year-old outside, overnight no less — it was unforgivable.

"Is that why you're here?" her voice shook. "Because I've been bad? Are you here to take me to where you went?"

"No," he whispered softly, shaking his head, not wanting to imagine Lyra there in that place. "No, you've been perfect, Lyra. I'm sure of it."

"Why are you here? Grandmother says you were bad, that's why they took you and locked you away. Because you didn't listen."

Sirius snorted. "Well, have you met your grandmother? She's pretty bad herself. Wouldn't you agree?"

Lyra said nothing, just shyly wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

He held his arms out, ignoring the nervous shake in them. "Come here. You must be freezing."

There was some hesitation, a long terrifying moment that she simply eyed him up, like she thought he'd suddenly turn on her, before she began to inch closer, coming just far enough within reach to allow him to wrap his arms around her.

For the first time in over two years, he got to hold his daughter in his arms. This was the moment he waited for, when he finally allowed himself to acknowledge the fact that he was out, he'd escaped. He didn't want to spook her with his sudden sobs, just buried his face into her long, tangled hair. When she relaxed into his arms, resting her head against his shoulder, the way she used to when she was small and fresh to the world, a choked sob escaped him, and he began to cry in earnest.

"Why are you crying?" she asked him, pulling back.

"I just missed you so much, Mini Moon," he sniffled, trying to put on a brave smile. "So, so much."

One of her little hands wiped at the track of tears along his cheek. "And that's why you're crying?"

He wiped the other side away. "Yeah. But it's okay, because we're together again." He brushed the curls from her face. "I'm going to take you with me, okay? We're going to go live together somewhere safe, far from here. Does that sound good to you?"

"Kreature is going to let me inside in the morning though."

"I'll send him an owl letting him know what's going on," he lied to put her mind at ease. "He'll understand. You're supposed to be with me, not her. I'm your dad."

She frowned worriedly. "But are they going to take you away again? The people who did the first time?"

He shook his head, a sense of determination coming down on him. "No, never again. There's nothing that's ever going to take me away from you again. It'll be just me and you, Mini Moon."

Looking back toward the house, she thought for just a moment. "...okay. We can go."

He stood, his little girl wrapped in his weak and malnourished arms. "Let's go then. We're going to go somewhere safe, and then I've got to go and pick up your godbrother, okay?"

[lunarmote]

Revisiting Suicide Room (2011)

Watch the same movie at age 12, 19, 25 - you'll react to it differently.

Two nights ago I watched a Polish movie with my art school friend S called the Suicide Room (Sala Samobójców). I’d seen this movie before about 5 times. The movie is about a gay high schooler called Dominik who gets "outed" by his former friend in an embarrassing public accident, is made the laughingstock of his class, and spirals into a depression. He seeks refuge in an online VR game where he meets a depressed girl who seems to understand him... As the movie goes on, he gets more sucked into the virtual world and loses touch with the outside world.

It's a film that seems to have gained a bit of a following in certain circles. It's criticized for the same drama that its followers praise it for -- depicting what it's like to have teenage depression. And all at once I am puzzled by this supposed "charge" against the movie: that it's melodramatic. The fact that there seems to be such a clean divide between older people calling it over-the-top and funny, an exercise in teens taking themselves so seriously, and teenagers idolizing the characters for being true-to-life, indicates to me this movie IS effective at highlighting some kind of bridge in preferences or empathy.

What does it mean for a film to be overdramatic?

I mean, this isn't the first teen movie to be called sentimental, melodramatic. As for myself, the film has lost the poignancy it once had but I am still incredibly fond of it.

This was my favorite movie as a teenager. At age 14, I begged my mom to be homeschooled. My overworked single mom panicked - a straight-A student threatening not to go to school was unheard of. The school administration freaked, set up "counseling" sessions where all they could do was talk glibly, soullessly, about the importance of education.

I remember watching Suicide Room that night and telling my mom I was perfectly willing to write a 5-page essay on my own on how the film was so beautiful and truthful and that if all English assignments were like this I would have no problems with school. I learned so much more through empathizing with the characters of Dominik and Sylwia than I learned through any school assignment. (It's interesting how this film works - it distracts you from your own pain by convincing you to, for an hour and 30 minutes, sympathize with another person. You come into the film wanting vindication, but you come away from it feeling like you lost a friend. I wanted to save Dominik.)

The fact that teenage angst seems to be near-universal, and the fact that adults eventually overcome it (I'd argue they don't actually, as many adults seem to be living in some kind of low-grade feelinglessness) doesn't suggest to me at all that the pain teens face is out of proportion, or that teens lack "perspective." It suggests rather, that perhaps adults have lost the memories of what it's like as a teenager, or they have lost sympathy towards that time of their life, since many people seem so embarrassed by their high school selves they try to scrub clean any memories of them.

I guess I can talk a little more about the main character in the film, Dominik. He is an entitled, condescending, sheltered kid. He nonetheless has a deep desire to connect with another human being. In the depths of his pain he turns to Sylwia who at first seems to be the provider of psychological support (and this time around, I picked up on this more strongly) - Dominik's redemption lies in the fact that he was willing to sacrifice himself to alleviate the pain of someone he thought had it worse than him. But his deepest flaw was not realizing that he had it worse.

Isn't that what happens? Your immediate environment fails you so you turn to the Internet. You find a community. You're led there by your own pain but you stay because you empathize with others' pain. But to break free of the pain means to break free of community.

A very clever scene exists in the movie. Sylwia is using Dominik to get herself pills so she can overdose. Torn between the threat of her hate and his fear of losing her to suicide, he talks to his psychiatrist through the closed door of his room while being in a voice call with Sylwia. The psychiatrist doesn't realize his answers have the double intention of showing Sylwia that ultimately, he will do as she wishes (get the pills), but not without stating his piece. He says he doesn't want to die. He doesn't understand suicide. His voice strains and he starts tearing up as he speaks to both - he doesn't understand how people who commit suicide could do that to their loved ones.

I've always wanted to stay up all night with Dominik. As a teen I wished I could pause the movie and jump in-universe and get through to him somehow, before the fatal incident. I told him I would stay up all night with him and we could just talk about, you know, life and death and beauty and our willingness to live, because sometimes you just need a friend.

So the film is dramatic. That’s what it takes to save a life.

[slytherinqueenrose]

Total bastard |Percy Hynes White|

Pairings: Percy Hynes White x Polish!F!Reader

Warnings: bit of cursing, stereotypes about cars, mentions of Harry Potter, let me know if I missed something. It’s shitty by the way.

Additionally: Y/N - Your name, Y/L/N - your last name, Y/F/N - your friend’s name, Y/C/B - Your car brand/car of your choosing

A/N: Hello! That’s my third writing here on Tumblr and I must apologise for the grammar! I’m Polish so English is not my first language and don’t feel too comfortable using it. I’d be very grateful for any feedback about it because I truly don’t know if it’s even comfortable for you to read 😩

———————————————————

You may be wondering how does working on Wednesday set look like and the only word that comes to my mind and describes it perfectly is MAGICAL.

That was my first - let me call it - serious job. I took part in few other productions as an intern mostly and I played a background character only once before getting the role of Wednesday’s cousin. Coming back to the topic - even though I have some experience in films and I know exactly how everything looks behind the scenes, the set of Wednesday was something totally different and new.

Maybe it’s because most of the cast was young and not too popular (not counting Jenna and some other actors of course). That was the first place where I felt like I belong there.

But I also met somebody who desperately tried to break my heart or so I understood it.

Let’s start with a quick introduction. My name is Y/N, I was born in 2000, in Poland which makes me different from my movie character all the way. I was kind of stressed about joining the cast mostly fearing that I won’t be accepted. I mean, they all have became really good friends and what if I they treat me as an intruder ?

The trip to Romania was excellent even though some turbulences happened during my flight. Firstly I was wondering about driving a car (which would take about 12 hours but I thought of taking some stops in Slovakia and Hungary). I love travelling to new places but I decided that buying flight tickets and rent a car while in Romania definitely will be a better option. I needed some way of transport and I truly hated the public communication.

I did as I said, I rented a car and was heading straight to the hotel. The atmosphere of Romanian forests was just wonderful. So mysterious yet so beautiful. I couldn’t get enough of looking at the surroundings and I took few stops on the way to take pictures of as many views as I could.

After an hour or maybe a little bit longer I finally arrived at the hotel. It was just a simple building, not too pretty nor ugly. Cozy actually. It’s totally fine though. I don’t feel too comfortable in luxury places.

“Shitty drivers.” I muttered while trying to park my car on a parking lot. I have to mention that I’m a pain in the arse if it comes to driving. I always stick to the rules and rarely try to break any which often makes other people go insane. I remember my very first time in the US. I rented a car with my friend and she was laughing her arse off almost every time I drove. The only text a remembered after coming back home was “we’re driving with a very sick Jaguar. Almost dead”. And to make it even funnier, I have been overtaken by a bicycle.

Minute of silence, please.

But coming back to my thoughts.

After seeing this one black BMW parked totally wrong, I got a clever idea. What to do to piss off its driver? I parked my car correctly so there was no option for whoever owned that black car, to get inside. Sorry not sorry. I left the car and took my luggage and just when I was heading to the building, someone called after me.

“What do you think you doing? I can’t get into my car, you daughter of the devil!”

I quickly turned around to see a young man opening the black vehicle with his automatic pilot.

“Fly then.” I said with a grin.

“May you move your shitty Y/C/B so I can leave the parking lot?” He added visibility furious.

“Shitty Y/C/B you say. Well, does your BMW have working indicators or they are to cause a huge explosion if you use them?” I asked and raised my brows at him.

Before you’ll start hating me for this I must explain something. Polish people truly hate BMW drivers. It’s not like we don’t buy those cars - we actually do and they are very popular. However seeing a BMW using indicators is something worth celebrating. Does not happen too often, tho. If you happen to see a BMW with working blinkers, you can be sure it’s police driving it.

I didn’t even wait for his response, expecting it to be rude, and just turned around again and that’s when I noticed a certain boy that was portraying Ajax in the show. He was laughing his arse off while leaning against the hotel entrance.

“Well done, whoever you are. Jake is a total shit and makes everyone go crazy with his behaviour.” He said while extending his hand to me which I gladly accepted. “Georgie Farmer, Ajax Petropolus, call me whatever you want.”

“Nice to meet you, Georgie. I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I’m going to portray Wednesday’s cousin, Verity.” I replied with a smile.

“You have a funny accent. You’re not American for sure, aren’t you? I didn’t mean to offend you, of course.” He added.

“Don’t worry about that. English is not my first language so I’m not a mistress of speaking it. The truth is I usually fail doing so.“

„Stop saying so. You speak very well. I like the Brit or Australian sounding. But what’s your nationality then?”

“I come from Poland. Not too far away from here actually which I’m pretty glad about. At least my flight wasn’t tiring.”

“Woah, is that the country which is famous from pierogis?” He gasped visibly amazed and just when I nodded, he grabbed my hand and pulled me after him inside the hotel. I started giggling like crazy. I was totally over the moon because someone seemed to like me and that felt incredible.

“So I suppose you’re pretty stressed now before meeting the rest of the cast but there’s no need to worry. We are all very friendly and really excited to meet new cast members. Some of us are also pretty insane like Percy for example or Oliver but I’m sure that you’re gonna feel comfortable around them.” He said with a pure excitement, opening one of the doors for me. ”I believe that Emma dreams about giving newbies a hotel tour just like Enid would but what about me being your guide today? She’s rambling too much while showing people around.” He said. Well, isn’t it like he was rambling too?

“As long as you keep smiling and being all excited.” I replied winking at him.

And honestly that was the best beginning of a new friendship in my whole life. We spent around an hour running around the building while he was trying to show me everything. And I mean totally EVERYTHING. He even showed me a secret underground room where he, Percy and Oliver meet from time to time to gossip about what had happened during their day. Boys.

“And so this is the last room of ours. We call it a freak day room because we spend most of our free period here. A lot is happening here everyday so don’t be scared seeing whatever is going on there right now.” He said less enthusiastically.

“I’m prepared to see the worst.” I replied giving him a reassuring nod. I could already hear laughter coming from there and I felt sick from fear. I’ve never used to be too confident, not even mentioning popular. I was just a plain, grey, unknown and the least liked person in my school years. I’ve never had real friends. All of my “friendships” usually come to an end after few months.

“Guys, guys, guys, attention please.” Georgie spoke while entering the room. All the laughter stoped and everyone looked at him at once. “Percy, may you please stop this ungodly singing?” He added. “So I want to introduce a new person to all of you and-“

“You met someone new and didn’t tell us sooner?”

“I’m sorry, Emma but I needed to give her a quick tour and talk a little bit. Whatever. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Y/N, Polish miracle with a funny accent.” Georgie chuckled pulling me into the room. I almost fell noticing all those glances.

“Hiya, nice to meet you!”

Let’s say that the very first day with the whole cast was just amazing. Everyone had a lot of questions, some simple, some weirder. We had a lot to discuss and considering the fact that the boys opened a champagne and then another and another, it resulted in a killer headache on the next day.

But it doesn’t matter.

Percy does.

Since the very first time we laid our eyes on each other, there was a sort of a weird tension between us. I felt pretty shy for no reason and he seemed to judge me. Or so I understood because I usually think that people are gossiping about me which never happens actually.

The thing is that he was acting different in my presence. For example this one time when he was listening to music and singing in a tent, he stopped immediately after I joined him and few other cast members. His face expression made me feel sorry for interrupting their fun time however was it my fault that I was just being curious about what was going on in there? Oh, ok. I’m a bit nosy but IT WAS OUR TENT and I had a full right to go in there.

The second time I felt bad was the Halloween day. Emma and I were simply preparing our costumes in our “freak day room” when Percy came. He just leaned on the doorframe with his arms crossed on his chest and was looking at what the both of us were doing. Then, he chuckled and raised his eyebrows.

“What?” I asked confused.

“Well, don’t get me wrong but wouldn’t it be just enough if you would have gone to the festival right after waking up? You know, all sleepy and messy.” He said with his characteristic grin. What was that supposed to mean?

“I was thinking about that actually.” I replied a bit upset forcing a small smile. Yeah.. He basically thought I was ugly. I can’t say I wasn’t though. At the age of 23 I had a lot of insecurities which may seem to be odd for many people.

“What are you planning to wear, Percy?” Emma asked.

“A beautiful smile and my fave hat. Enough to make all ladies gasp.” He chuckled and then left.

“He’s unbearable.”

That definitely was true. The way he laughed at me made me go insane every time. When I couldn’t hold the arrow properly, there he was, laughing his arse off. Same after all my bloopers. We also had a pretty heated argument scene one day and he couldn’t hold his laughter. I didn’t know what was going on. Was I truly this bad at acting? Not even mentioning the way he used to mock my accent and made me feel sorry that it was more British than American. Well, it’s not my fault! Polish schools ONLY teach British vocabulary and accent. It’s more familiar to all of us and additionally I used to grow up only having British or Irish idols. Who doesn’t remember One Direction for example? I was a number one fan and honestly I wouldn’t make it with my English without them. Before I met Percy I thought that the way I spoke didn’t matter but it clearly did. I truly started to have enough.

I can’t not mention the fact of being a Potterhead which was for some reason too funny for him. He used to walk around pointing at me with his fingers and go with “expelliarmus” or “abra cadabra” which wasn’t even a Harry Potter spell (and he knew that but wanted to see me explaining it to him and getting embarrassed). At this point I was truly frustrated.

“I’m so glad I have a bit more free time today. I was thinking about visiting the nearby shopping centre. What about you, Joy?” I said while eating lunch. That was the first day after a month of shooting when I was needless on the set. The most of my scenes have been recorded already and now it was only Jenna and her serie family time.

“I was there loads of times and I never get bored of going there. I will for sure keep you a company. I need to buy some stuff especially after Georgie ate almost all of my candy!” She laughed with pure happiness on her beautiful face.

“What are we doing today ladies?” Percy asked, putting his hands on Joy’s shoulders.

“We plan on escaping and doing some illegal stuff. Wanna join?” She replied with a smirk knowing just well that he definitely would accompany us if it really meant something illegal. He was overly confident and usually into rebelling.

“Does it mean few hours of shopping in cosmetic stuff which I ain’t understand? Then thanks.”

“We’re definitely planning on robbing a jewellery shop.” I said winking at him.

“Would be such a reward to have some new shiny necklaces, wouldn’t it? I bet it could ease your embarrassment after yesterdays fails on set. I really think you’re shitty sometimes.” He chuckled and made my heart shatter.

“Yeah. You’re right. So what about leaving soon, Joy? I think I’ll go to take my phone and car keys now.” I added not looking at him.

“I need to take a shower before we leave. Give me at least an hour, is that fine?” She asked smiling friendly.

“Sure. Take your time.”

As I said I went to my room and just sat there, looking at the wall. I’m shitty. That’s what he thought. How cool is that?

But no. It wasn’t what made me sob. Just not yet. The real reason of my future tears was much worse.

About a week later, just few days before Christmas, we all decided to have a lovely, friendly free period after work without caring about the job, without rehearsing, basically it was supposed to be just a chill out. Eating, doing nothing, maybe dancing a little, you know just a normal evening with friends. I was heading straight to our day room when I heard something what broke my heart into millions of pieces.

“What about you and your screen lover, artist?” Georgie laughed. Gossiping about me then. Fine. I just stood there behind the door to hear more and that was a mistake I wouldn’t make twice if I could turn back time.

“Y/N is… well, let’s say that I really couldn’t get more fantastic partner.” Percy scoffed, purest sarcasm in his voice. “I thought they’re going to hire a hot Latino chick for this role but then she came and I’m… huh. Can’t get over this. It’s a simple misunderstanding. You see, someone like her and someone like me. Not to mention that she’s one or two years above, isn’t she? Like a mama.”

“Oh yeah, I can totally agree, mate.” Olivier replied chuckling.

With that I didn’t even bother to listen to them anymore. I headed back to my room where I decided to call my bestie via FaceTime to let all of my negative emotions out. I sobbed hard for another half an hour and she was just there, looking at me and simply not talking. She was wonderful. She had no idea what happened but was waiting until my cries died, giving me some time before finally listening to the story and starting comforting me.

„Naprawdę nie wiem, co takiego mu zrobiłam.” („I literally have no clue what I’ve done to him to deserve it.”) I said, wiping the tears out of my face.

„Moje biedactwo. A przedstawiają go jako aniołka. Posłuchaj, siostra. Może i traktuje cię w taki a nie inny sposób, ale czemu to ma dla ciebie takie znaczenie?”

(„Poor little thing. Can’t believe he’s portrayed as such an angelic person. Listen to me, sis. He may be treating you like this but why does it actually matter to you?”) Y/F/N replied but just after that we heard my door being opened. I didn’t turn myself in the sound’s direction because I could clearly see in my phone screen who entered my room.

Percy himself.

But what the fuck did he want? I decided to stay unbothered and show no emotions at all. At last I didn’t want him to know that I was eavesdropping. Happily he does not know my mother language so it wasn’t too difficult to continue my conversation without his suspiciousness.

“Wiesz… Podłapałam małego crusha na tym dzieciaku. Nie wiem czemu. Zazwyczaj zachowuje się jakby się naćpał, ale jest dość uroczy i…”

(„You know… I might have fallen for him a bit. I know it’s ridiculous but he’s usually acting high like shit but he’s cute at the same time…”) I replied and saw a clear disbelief in my bestie’s face expression.

“On ci rujnuje samopoczucie z dnia na dzień coraz mocniej, a ty się w nim zakochujesz. Powinnaś się przebadać.”

(„Can’t believe it. He’s making your self confidence fall more and more everyday and you’re just casually falling in love. You should go and see the doctor real quick.”) She added visibly angry.

As we continued discussing this and that, I felt a movement on my bed. Percy sat cross legged behind me with a faint smile on his face which made me truly uncomfortable.

“Jak on w ogóle może tak o, wparować do twojego pokoju i gościć się w nim jak u siebie? Zwłaszcza po tym co powiedział.”

(„It’s so bold that he’s able just come to your room like nothing happened and simply feel like he’s being at his own place. Especially after what he said.”) Y/F/N said looking him straight in the eye. “Wydaje mi się, czy zaraz rzuci na mnie klątwę? Może Avada Kedavra?” (“Is he trying to hex me right now? Or maybe he’s planning on using Avada Kedavra?”)

„Możemy zmienić temat?”

(“May we stop talking about him?”) I asked with a forced smile.

But then I felt a very delicate tapping on my shoulder so I finally turned around to face Percy.

“You didn’t join us. Something’s wrong?

Yes, Percy. Yes. You happened.

“Powiedz mu co o nim myślisz i daj znać jak poszło.”

(“Tell him what you think about him and let me know how it went.”) My bestie added before ending the call.

“I don’t feel too well today so I just decided to stay here and spend some time alone.”

“Come on, sweet things, I know you’re lying.”

What did you call me?

“No idea what you’re talking about. I have a right to feel bad”.

“Something is clearly bothering you”.

How come that he was able to read my mind?

“Well maybe you wouldn’t need to worry about such a shitty thing if I was a hot Latino chick.” I retorted not daring to look him in the eyes. It took him off guard immediately.

“Wait, what?” He asked confused and then his face dropped. “Y/N, have you heard what I said down there in our day room?”

“Obviously. Look, I’m sorry that I got the role and you have to look at my Polish shitty face. I wish I looked different but I can’t. Also sorry for being shitty on set. And additionally I’m sorry for talking the way I do and I’m extremely sorry for liking what I like. I-“ I was cut.

“It’s a misunderstanding, sweet things. Let me explain, please.” He pleaded taking my hand into his and I just nodded. “I didn’t mean anything bad by saying all that stuff earlier. It might have sounded bad or so but I am very happy to have an honour of working with you. What I said about your acting was just a way to tease you. I like when you get flustered. I’m not laughing at the way you sound. I find it extremely attractive. I have a weakness for girls speaking languages and changing accents. Harry Potter is absolutely fine and I like it too. I mean, I like it a lot and even have a Dark Wand somewhere at my house. And what I said today… Sweet things, it was all positive. You see, I truly couldn’t get any better person to portray my lover. You’re just perfect doing your job. I also didn’t mean anything - I swear - anything bad talking about you and I feel like I wouldn’t be enough for you. So that’s why I told that someone like me couldn’t be with someone like you. You’re just much more mesmerising and too good to ever be mine. I’m so sorry about making you feel bad all this time.” He added with a pure sadness in his eyes.

This time I was taken aback.

“Wait, does it mean that-“

“I like you and truly wish we could start all over again. If you want of course. I get it if you don’t feel like being with someone younger.”

“You know that the age doesn’t really matter?”

“So is that a yes?”

“It doesn’t hurt to try though. But don’t you dare calling me “mama”. Like ever again.”

“Of course not. Never.”

Yeah, he was absolutely going to call me that. Seeing his little grin made me realise he’s not the one to trust at all.

To: Bestie 😈

Percy and I got together.

That might piss her off.

From: Bestie 😈

HAVE YOU GONE NUTS!

_____________________________________

A/N: I really am going to shit myself not knowing your opinion 🥲.

[dark-night-star-light]

Spirit Animals: Tales of the Fallen Beasts (Reread pt. 13)

DISCLAIMER: WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THIS BOOK, THE ENTIRE FIRST SERIES AND BOOKS ONE THROUGH FOUR IN SECOND SERIES.

Masterpost

Halawir

“He was a Great Beast, and the king of these skies” (4). I think Halawir and Essix should’ve had a rivalry similar to Uraza and Cabaro’s.

“‘Cordalles, you did it! You’ve summoned a spirit animal!’” (5). It’s hilarious that people are so prideful of their kids summoning spirit animals, as if it’s something anyone has any control over.

“‘The betrayer’” (5). Yeah, I assume we’re gonna get the backstory on that in this chapter?

“It was absurd to be kept trapped by a bunch of seafaring nobodies who probably couldn’t even spot a fish flashing beneath the waves from three hundred meters away” (6). Yeah, those losers with their terrible eyesight. I’m liking Halawir already.

“He knew what it was to make people tremble” (6). Um. Okay. No mention of the Wyrm or any motive other than power. That’s fun.

“But he didn’t like this weak spot in himself. She was holding him prisoner. That could not be forgiven” (7). Can a spirit animal even “lose” their human partner? Well, there’s Lord MacDonnell’s hare . . . but it was always in close proximity to him . . . 

“It yanked back on his leg, hard, and he boomeranged down in a tumble of feathers and fury onto the deck” (8). I imagine him doing a few unwilling air somersaults.

“ . . . brushing off the memory of Meilin, Abeke, Rollan and Conor” (9). Why does he know their names??? I’d expect something more like “brushing off the memory of Jhi, Uraza, Essix, and Briggan’s sniveling pets” or something.

“Then he loosened his bowels and pooped on her head” (10). HOLY SHI- (DID I MAKE A PUN. NO.)

“‘I didn’t know Great Beasts had such great senses of humor,’ Cordalles said, not laughing” (10). This one does. 

“‘Well, it’s unheard of to summon a Great Beast, except for the four heroes who stopped the Conquerors . . . ’” (12). I wonder what the average person knows of their trials.

“‘ . . . but he was once so huge that the Devourer rode through the skies on his back . . . ’” (13). So the average person knows about Shane’s escape???

“He would finally have a chance for revenge” (14). He’s a normal-sized eagle. What’s he gonna do, exactly?

“So she’d been lying, too” (15). This mom acts in an understandable manner, but I don’t like her . . . even though what she’s saying makes sense.

“After so many days in isolation, he had to admit that he was the slightest bit pleased to see her” (17). Halawir’s reluctance to like Cordalles is so interesting.

“He couldn’t believe she was even debating the question. Of course he would fly away the second he was let free” (20). Can he do that??? I want to know.

“ . . . Halawir never joked” (21). Maybe not intentionally.

“ . . . rules were the way the clever gained power - by breaking them” (22). He’s not wrong.

“‘Imagine the look on their faces when I show up with a new green cloak, and you on my arm, as calm as can be’” (25). Cordalles’s need to impress could’ve been explored further in the main series, but it wasn’t.

“He felt almost as though someone was watching them” (25). Can the Great Beasts sense the Wyrm the same way it can sense them?

“But when her lips curled into a smile, she looked a little like a hungry cat” (27). Oh, Raisha, I think. I remember her.

“The girl seemed to remember the reason for their conversation” (28). That is such a red flag.

“‘I don’t understand why Mother and Father are always so scared for me’” (29). I mean, there’s always bad people, but yeah. Why are they so scared? Is it because of the Second Devourer War?

“Halawir felt for the girl . . . ” (30). Aw.

“He gave Cordalles a touch of his keen eyesight and quick reflexes, making it simple for her to dodge the crowds and easily follow in Raisha’s footsteps” (30). Wait, so the spirit animal chooses to give their powers??? I did not know that. I thought it just happened when the bond was strong.

“Zerif should have felt like a friend . . . ” (30). Bruh. For real??? The man is such a snake.

“What was that thing squirming on Zerif’s brow?” (31). Does Halawir know nothing about the Wyrm??? So he genuinely just wanted power when he helped Kovo. Bruh. What about Gerathon??? Did she know?

“He had a vague memory of Kovo rambling during his years of imprisonment, talking about some sort of evil associated with this symbol . . . ” (32). Wow, he really didn’t know anything at all.

“But he had been the one they wanted, not Cordalles. Surely, he reasoned, they would let her go, now that she no longer had the thing they desired . . . Save himself, and render her useless” (33). Does he actually. Think that. I can’t tell. Also, would he have stayed if Zerif and Raisha hadn’t come?

“She had freed him. Cordalles had let him go” (34). She did indeed.

“Cordalles immediately took off at a sprint, and Halawir gave her every last ounce of agility and fleetness than he could” (34). What an icon. In this moment. Not in general.

“‘Quit your crying,’ he hissed at Raisha . . . ” (35). Why did Raisha work with Zerif, even after Zerif degraded and insulted her?

Aw, Halawir got infected giving Cordalles a chance to escape! 

“ . . . Zerif grabbed Cordalles by the neck. He took another dark vial out from his tunic . . . ” (36). Well, this proves what I said in my The Burning Tide reread. Zerif would’ve just infected Kirat if he had handed over Cabaro.

“ . . . a figure in a crimson cloak and an odd white mask had appeared and was trying to get between Zerif and Cordalles” (36). I do not remember a Redcloak in this chapter??? Wow.

“The last thing he saw before the fog overcame him was Raisha giving the masked man a shove, and the look of horror on Cordalles’s face as Zerif closed in” (37). This makes it sound like Cordalles and Shane(?) were losing. But we know they escaped uninfected. So maybe the look of horror was Cordalles realizing her bond had been cut?

Rumfuss

“He’d sold his belt buckle to a shopkeeper in Samis” (41). How did he end up in Samis??? Wasn’t he in Lord MacDonnell’s prison?

“‘You’re just another worthless urchin bothering the decent and hardworking folk of Eura . . . ’” (43). I hate this innkeeper. But Devin deserved to hear that.

“‘This sword is the workmanship of the finest craftsman in Eura - the queen’s own blacksmith’” (43). How did it end up with the Trunswicks, then?

“He had a new trick: Every time he felt his cheeks grow hot, he would clamp his jaw shut and count slowly to ten before saying or doing anything” (44). At least he’s trying. Also does he have anger issues?

“In the aftermath of the rain, however, Devin knew true misery” (45). He had that coming for him.

“‘Are all Greencloaks so impatient?’ The cat meowed in response to Devin’s favorite joke” (46). He uses one joke every single time? That’s so pathetic . . . 

“But they had moved on, and the cat had struck out on her own . . . ” (46). I thought Kunaya was with Finn and Donn??? Am I remembering wrong?

“Devin’s mouth watered at the mere mention of bacon, but he tried not to let his excitement show” (47). LOL.

“ . . . her riding clothes were a little too fashionable to be comfortable” (48). Is this symbolism for Raisha’s naivete?

“‘Just like . . . just like Conor’” (49). The fact that that’s the first thing he thinks is just. Splendid.

I love how they’re eating bacon while talking about how Dawson summoned Rumfuss. Not that Devin knows it’s Rumfuss.

“It sounded to Devin’s ears like the same hawk or eagle he had heard throughout the day . . . ” (50). Halawir???

“He smiled smugly as he passed the same carriages that had overtaken him hours before” (51). I imagine him being like, “HA. Losers.”

“He chortled at his own joke” (52). Oh, there’s the Devin we all know and hate.

“He had seen this room every day for years. But today, for the first time, it took his breath away” (54). Devin realizing he’s privileged is hilarious.

The Earl of Trunswick is definitely an abusive parent. I don’t remember what happens to him, but he deserves to die.

“‘I’m not sure you’ll be happy with it, Lord Trunswick,’ Devin said. ‘Since it’s not perfect’” (56). Symbolism . . . I think??? His father should love him unconditionally, but Devin’s not perfect.

“‘Do you realize we had to abduct some ridiculous sheep woman . . . ’” (56). Well. He didn’t have to.

“Uncertainty flickered across Dawson’s face” (56). Oh no . . . here’s the thing. Since Dawson is a noble, he should’ve learned to mask his emotions, right? So this means that Devin really got to him or that Dawson trusts Devin enough to not mask his emotions around him. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

“‘The great bore.’ He cackled. ‘Get it? Bore?’” (57). This guy still cannot make a single good joke. I’m reminded of that time in Hunted when they came to Trunswick and Devin’s jokes were just. So unfunny.

“His brother had recalled his spirit animal . . . ” (57). Okay. I talked about this in my Immortal Guardians reread, but Rumfuss died after Tellun. That means Dawson summoned Rumfuss after Tellun. So if Dawson had enough time to get Rumfuss to go passive, then Anda should have, as well. So why hadn’t Tellun gone into passive at all?

“With dark humor he realized he couldn’t afford the earl’s taxes” (58). Wow. The irony. Is just. Astounding.

“Then he turned around, and Karmo was standing there, blocking Devin’s exit from the alleyway” (58). This is so dramatic . . . and for what.

“‘My dad bailed me out,’ Devin said. ‘And threw me right back into the war . . . ’” (59). Wait, he continued to fight in the war??? It’s a miracle he didn’t cross paths with the four heroes after that.

“‘I had to listen to MacDonnell coo at his rabbit for months, Devin . . . ’” (60). That’s fucking hilarious. Also, I’m still salty that the harpist never got any justice.

“‘Your dad would like to think so. But the hurt runs too deep . . . ’” (61). This man is fucking stupid.

I love how Devin admits he was a bully. He knows he was wrong, and the narrative doesn’t do anything to justify it. 

“‘But I know a thing or two about anger, and I think it’ll work’” (62). Devin full circle arc?

Devin’s plan is actually so smart. I remember thinking it was completely stupid that he hadn’t won at least a single battle off of wits alone during his time with the Conquerors.

“‘I helped them. I helped them take her . . . ’” (67). I don’t remember this . . . also the degree to which Dawson helped kind of matters, too. Like, how exactly does a ten-year-old child help abduct a woman in a way that two grown men find useful?

“‘Thank goodness you’re here. I’m so lost!’” (68). Raisha clearly knows who Devin is. Or else why would she ask him for directions in the Trunswick family manor?

If Devin’s father is broke, then how can he afford the guards? Like I get he’s raised taxes but . . . 

“ . . . the lynx hissed softly at his approach. His father signed, retracting his hand” (71). Is the lynx mad at the Earl of Trunswick???

“They were well matched” (72). This concerns me to no end . . . like on one hand you have Devin, who has the senses and dexterity of a wildcat, has seen real battles and was literally in a war, and then on the other hand you have Raisha, who has no spirit animal (yet . . . ), is just a random noble girl, is younger than Devin, and has never seen a war, and these two are “well matched”. 

“Devin had never won a fight” (72). Ever???

“‘It’s probably obvious to you by now that you’re not worthy . . . ’” (73). I know in one of my previous rereads I headcanoned that Shane was the reason for Devin’s Redcloak codename, but I would like to say I do like the canon explanation just as much.

“‘ . . . I wanted you to know that I knew that’” (73). Zerif tends to do this thing where he comes back to someone he knew from the first arc and tells them they are worth nothing even after he’s already defeated them (Shane, Abeke, Rollan, etc.), which almost reads like he’s unsure of his victory and wants to rub it in to make it seem real to himself?

“‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered to the boar” (74). I like to think there’s a double meaning to this: not only is he apologizing for mocking Rumfuss as the least great of the Great Beasts, he’s also apologizing for his actions in Hunted.

“Fire was engulfing Trunswick Manor” (75). Wait, I thought Devin started that fire as a distraction??? How did the fire happen???

Okay, so it’s implied that the mob started the fire. I quite like that, actually.

“‘ . . . where we’re going is more important than where we came from’” (76). Devin Trunswick arc in a nutshell. 

Suka and Arax

I think this is interesting because this takes place after the spirit animals get taken, which is a new take. 

“It wasn’t just strangers who gave sorrow and broken promises” (80). Anuqi’s parents selling Suka is just . . . wow. Like, they really don’t give a shit about her, do they???

Wait, so by the time that Anuqi went to warn the village elders, the stranger had already found and reached Anuqi’s tent??? How???

“ . . . it was exactly like them to not even consider what she thought. Just like last time” (83). Well, to be fair, they are her parents . . . but selling her spirit animal is still such an abusive thing to do???

“The man had made the village an offer: Let him take Suka, in exchange for a hefty bag of coins. Her parents had refused, of course” (83). Then why is Anuqi mad at them . . . ? Her parents refused, didn’t they?

“The last thing Anuqi had seen before blacking out from the pain was her mother accepting the bag of coins that the sneering girl offered her” (84). Is that why she’s mad??? But they fought . . . and if they’d won, they wouldn’t’ve handed over Suka??? And accepting the coins is better than not accepting the coins, right??? It wouldn’t have changed anything if they hadn’t taken the bag . . . 

“‘Well, you’re obviously not going to Eura,’ her mother said with a laugh” (85). To be clear, I don’t think Anuqi’s parents are good. But the Suka example was a terrible example. This is a better one. 

“ . . . when she let it envelop her, Anuqi could sense that, somewhere, Suka was still out there” (87). I know this is probably just a metaphor, but taken literally, could it mean that even after having the bond ripped apart, the natural spirit animal bond still prevails over the Wyrm?

“Anuqi had suffered through their snoring . . . for all her life. Now, whatever else happened, at least she would have a break from that” (87). Anuqi is so petty, it’s honestly a bit funny.

“This outsider might be another liar, but she was determined” (88). I mean . . . shouldn’t she have been given just a bit more information???

“She glared at him . . . feeling the color rise in her face at having to admit that” (91). The juxtaposition is hilarious.

“The boy scowled at first, then grinned. He hopped down from the bed and performed a mock bow” (92). This guy is giving major theater kid energy.

“‘But the girl who helped Zerif steal her from you is [here]. And she has other spirit animals, stolen from others like you’” (93). How does Raisha have the stolen spirit animals??? They belong to Zerif, right???

“‘I never even got to touch him’” (94). Oh my god . . . wow, that’s just. That’s just sad.

“‘I’ll never force someone to serve against their will. Those days are in my past’” (95). Okay, obviously Talon was a Conqueror, but like. I need to know her story??? What exactly did she do?

“‘I just needed to know if you would actually let me go. If you were telling the truth’” (96). Honestly, fair. At least she’s not stupid.

“‘Shouldn’t those cursed Greencloaks be taking care of this?’” (96). She has a point . . . why don’t the Greencloaks know about Raisha and Zerif yet???

“‘The Keeper and a whole party of them are headed toward Brecksbury, a day’s journey from here . . . ’” (96). The mysterious Keeper strikes again. Who is this guy???

I like Anuqi’s views on the Greencloaks. The writers did a good job of making sure they didn’t make the Greencloaks seem like the most perfect organization to ever exist, ever.

“If nothing else, Talon and Grif had given her the chance to fight back” (99). I like that Anuqi doesn’t get all emotional and charge Raisha the second she sees her, ruining the plan. I hate it when characters ruin a perfectly good plan. 

“ . . . Talon emerged from under the stage, grabbing the first boy and girl and their spirit animals and pulling them with her” (100). She just grabbed a yak???

Why did they sabotage the guards??? I thought they were after the mercenaries?

“‘We’ll see who the predators are . . . and who are the prey,’ Grif said darkly” (105). Cringy-ass line, and made even funnier by the fact that he’s completely serious.

“‘You may not be a fighter, but you’ve a cunning to you’” (105). I like that they didn’t immediately make her a ridiculously good fighter for plot convenience the first moment it was needed. 

“If she went down fighting, at least she wouldn’t have to worry about the emptiness inside her where Suka had been” (107). Wow, she’s lowkey suicidal??? 

“There, over to the right, just a stone’s throw from their tracks, was another set in parallel” (107). How did they not notice it, then? Maybe they were tired . . . 

The fact that if they had just blown the horn this could’ve been avoided is just. So sad.

“Raisha was behind Talon. A sharp dirk gleaming at Talon’s throat” (107). That was weirdly grammatically inaccurate. Strange . . .

“Was she really going to let herself be captured for someone she’d only just met?” (108). I like how she actually tried to run. Most protagonists would’ve done the “noble” thing.

How did Grif and Anuqi not notice anything weird about Talon’s appearance? Shouldn’t she have merged with a bird of some sort?

Anuqi feeling remorse is very. Protagonist of her.

“Talon appeared to be making friends with a robin in a nearby cage . . . ” (109). Can Talon speak bird???

Anuqi has so much character development and trust-building . . . wow.

“A few blows to the floorboards . . . revealed the dark ground passing by below” (111). Why didn’t Grif just use the ax to jump Anuqi and Talon out?

“Anuqi would have expected her to sound more pleased that they were being rescued” (112). Talon’s fear of the Greencloaks makes sense . . . but what specifically happened?

“‘Tell them you were captured separately. It will go easier for you that way’” (112). So the Greencloaks appear to know Talon personally??? How?

“‘That’s the Keeper,’ Talon said, pointing to a young figure resplendent in tellunum armor . . . ” (113). I need to know more about this guy.

“‘And over there - that one is Keith’ . . . ‘Looks like he finally learned how to fight’” (113). Which implies that Talon knows Keith. Did they ever fight? Did Talon defeat Keith?

“Let Zerif, Raisha, and the Greencloaks take care of each other, leaving their usual trail of destruction. Anuqi had all the friends she needed” (114). I like how she still doesn’t like the Greencloaks, like it’s really realistic.

Kovo

“Takoda couldn’t honestly remember what Sodu had even said” (118). What is it with Sodu and being a piece of shit, anyway? Why is he constantly the bad guy? What’s his backstory?

“Willing to go into battle against the Conquerors for their family” (118). Takoda’s rage at his parents’ deaths should have been explored more in the main story, in my opinion.

“‘Takoda, meet Nambi. Nambi, meet Takoda. I think you’ll be friends’” (120). This implies Nambi can hear her in passive state, so I might be right about the whole spirit-animals-in-passive-state-are-still-aware-of-what’s-going-on theory.

“At first, it made Takoda angry, that what was once Sodu’s punishment was now his own” (121). Is Sodu not going to be punished for insulting Takoda???

“ . . . the same red eyes stared wildly at him from the top of the dark stairs” (124). I interpreted the “wildly” to mean that Kovo was also taken by surprise. Like he probably didn’t expect this either???

“The gorilla pinched the rim with its hairy knuckles, muffling the sound” (125). That’s hilarious. He just decided the bell was annoying and stopped it.

“Suddenly, Takoda didn’t want to run. He wanted to fight” (125). Since you’re supposed to feel like your spirit animal for a second after bonding, does this mean that Kovo just . . . constantly wants to fight?

Takoda and Kovo screaming at each other is so funny. 

Why did the monks lock Takoda in a silo???

“What kind of spirit did Takoda have to be bonded with such a creature? Kovo was the most villainous, conniving wretch in the history of Erdas” (127). Yeah, how exactly are spirit animals “assigned”? 

I like that they explore what happens if you don’t touch your spirit animal.

“The stories of the ape had always said he was very clever - if Kovo was trying to knock the wall down, he should have pounded the same few stones until they cracked” (129). Is he trying to use the blood to paint the picture of the Wyrm?

“Instead, he noticed one image repeated again and again” (131). So I was right. Slay. 

“Some inner strength he thought had died with his mother had found its way back to him” (131). Another theory could be that people who need the support a spirit animal provides are the only ones that get one?

“Takoda reached out and pressed his smaller fist to Kovo’s” (132). And . . . they bonded by fist-bumping,

“Takoda tried again to engage the ape with questions, but he was almost entirely unresponsive” (133). That’s funny considering he was the one who pushed for the touch-and-bond thing.

“Then Kovo turned and continued watching out the far window of the bell tower . . . ” (134). Maybe he’s watching for the Wyrm?

“Walking on, Takoda was nearly certain he noticed a brief smile appear on Kovo’s menacing face” (135). Can Kovo feel Takoda’s hatred for Sodu? Because otherwise, Sodu’s just a random monk, right?

“‘You have a spirit animal now,’ she said. ‘You should dress accordingly’” (136). There’s a dress code for spirit animal summoners???

“He gaped at the heroic duo, then flushed when the boy nodded at him” (136). The Heroes’ fame never fails to make me laugh.

“And yet the young Greencloak seemed to be wrestling with his anger . . . ” (137). Angry Conor is the best kind of Conor.

“[Conor’s] blue eyes met Takoda’s . . . ” (137). I know I’m still hung up over that one time Conor’s eyes were described as green compared to the other five or six times they’re described as blue, but that time was the first time.

“Takoda had nothing but questions for Conor” (138). This reminds me of that time in the main series where Abeke doesn’t know what to think of all of Tasha’s questions for her and Rollan.

“‘Now you get to run’” (139). Something something the symbolism doesn’t really hit the mark because running in a free way is different from running in a trapped way something something.

Also, I need Takoda and Abeke to bond over their shared love of running???

“Behind him, Takoda heard Kovo’s chains jangling as he knuckled along” (141). Okay, why didn’t they remove Kovo’s chain entirely???

“Whatever Kovo’s reasons, Takoda was grateful” (144). I wonder if the spirit animal bond can force a level of protectiveness???

“‘Kalani! Get the boat ready for launch!’” (144). EYYYY, Kalani’s here??? I don’t remember that.

“His dark tunic was open at his chest . . . ” (145). I know Zerif has a reason and whatnot, but he still gives bad-boy-who-thinks-he’s-too-cool-for-school energy.

“He grabbed the wolf by the scruff of his neck and managed to lift the massive animal off the ground as he stood” (147). How??? All his animals are in passive state . . . 

“He’s wondering if I’m worth it, Takdoa realized bleakly” (149). I love this line so much. It shows that Conor isn’t the perfect, gentle person everyone thinks he is, and I honestly feel annoyed that this wasn’t further explored in the main series. Conor’s feelings about Takoda and whether he feels Kovo was worth it were just. Never talked about.

Gerathon

“Urban’s precious mule might have to pitch in” (154). Yes, Raisha is an objectively bad person, but her thoughts are hilarious.

“ . . . the Mire, a Greencloak prison built on an island of much in the midst of a tropical swamp” (154). Honestly, it’s a missed opportunity that Dante, the Greencloak that Rollan and Abeke meet up with in The Return, never makes an appearance. It would be so much cooler to see his personality go against Raisha’s because we know that he is more violence-happy. He’s also canonically worked at the Mire before, so it kind of works.

“‘I’m twelve,’ . . . ‘I was used’” (155). I like that Raisha’s smart enough to milk her age for all it’s worth. Not that it got her that far.

“‘You helped to separate people from their spirit animals,’ Urban accused. ‘Is any crime more despicable?’ ‘It’s a favor if your spirit animal is a mule,’ Raisha said, panting” (155). Again, Raisha is cruel, but hilarious.

“Who needed to scale walls if the guards took you on a walk through the jungle every other day?” (156). Yeah, I get that the guards are secure in their ability to keep prisoners in line, but that just seems dumb. Why don’t they just build another wall around the place where the water is, so escape is impossible?

“Anonymity no longer protected her” (159). The fact that nobody saw Raisha coming is just. Honestly a bit weird?

“The vines had collapsed around her like a dozen constrictors. No. It was netting - a trap concealed in the vines” (160). Okay, so there are precautions, even if they aren’t as foolproof as a wall.

“Working for Zerif had been a glorious, empowering game. Before Zerif entered her life, Raisha had always felt ignored” (162). Is that her reason??? She felt invisible? Wow, that’s just. That’s so . . . I don’t even know. Like, I thought she’d have a backstory of hating the Greencloaks or something, but apparently not.

“Was there any chance he would come for her now? No. With her cover blown, she would be of little use to him” (162). So she’s not stupid, yet she still partnered with him knowing this?

“Creatures of legend, taken as easily as if they’d been dogs in the street” (162). I wonder if Raisha was one of those people that didn’t believe in the Great Beasts before the Second Devourer War. 

“Without that secret, who would she have been? Nobody” (163). This is so ironic in hindsight. But honestly, her motivations are halfway to understandable.

“‘This smells fishy.’ ‘It’s mildew,’ Raisha corrected” (167). Raisha is winning me over through humor alone, honestly.

“Was his look meant to convey sympathy? Did he want her to trust him? Was he out of his mind?” (168). Honestly, Raisha should’ve taken Urban’s offer of working together, if only to have a chance at escape.

“No, there was no need. Raisha had served him well. She would still serve him. Why separate her from the snake? But would he see it that way?” (169). Raisha literally admitted to herself that Zerif wouldn’t come for her, and now she’s trying to convince herself that Zerif won’t steal Gerathon???

“It seemed like Gerathon wanted to go. That was good enough for Raisha, who felt no path was clearly better than the others” (172). Raisha at least learned to trust her spirit animal quickly.

“Raisha asked for no elaboration about the guard. She assumed Dorell had killed him and dumped the body in the swamp” (174). Why does she just immediately assume that? Because it’s what Zerif would do?

“‘Go ahead and kill me. See how far you two get in the swamp alone at night. No? Then get down.’ The cobra loosed her hold of him and dropped to the bottom of the skiff” (176). Why didn’t Gerathon just stay on him without killing him?

“Raisha wondered if Gerathon could still use her venom to control people, like the stories of the Great Serpent had said” (176). By “venom” . . . she means the Bile, right??? Is the Bile just Gerathon’s venom?

“‘Why?’ he asked. ‘I trust the cobra,’ Raisha said” (179). Yeah, Gerathon definitely knew he was working for Zerif.

“The voice filled her with a sickly mixture of excitement and dread” (180). Oof.

“‘Though Dorell did work for me’” (181). How did Zerif even recruit Dorell?

“‘But whenever possible, I prefer a sure bet. This will leave no room for error’” (181). Why didn’t Zerif turn Raisha before? Maybe turned individuals are incapable of calling a spirit animal and Zerif wanted Raisha to call Gerathon before turning her?

“‘This isn’t right! I called her. Gerathon! Gerathon, where are you?’” (181). Well. Here we are. Honestly, no words for this. I wish that, after the war, the other Great Beast summoners would come to learn of what happened to Raisha and celebrate it and rub it in her face, but that never happens in canon, sadly.

“‘I’m sorry!’ Raisha called to the cobra” (182). Sorry for the just the cobra, or for other people, too?

“Was this what she had been doing to people? Faces flashed through her mind. The hopeful, seafaring Cordalles and goofy Dawson Trunswick. Spritely Grif and stern Anuqi” (183). Wow, I’m surprised she remembers their names. Also, all these kids get taken by the Redcloaks, so I feel like they should all become friends, united in their hatred of Raisha. Also, does she actually experience remorse???

“It was too late to be sorry, but that didn’t stop her” (183). I want to know what happened to Raisha after the war. She got back Gerathon, right? Would the Greencloaks have re-arrested her? Did she go willingly? Did they instead send her to Greenhaven to train, once they realized she was truly remorseful? What about Urban??? So many questions . . . 

Final thoughts and rating (longer than usual, sorry):

Alright, in terms of ranking the stories, my favorite was definitely Devin’s chapter. Not only do we follow an established character, the story is also surprisingly good at developing Devin from his mean old self to his new Redcloak self. Devin’s anger problems coming full circle and becoming the basis for his plan is just. Ingenious writing and character development. The way Devin uses his weaknesses and makes it his strength is such an impeccable way of demonstrating his development. I also like that it comes full circle, because Devin as a Conqueror fought Great Beast Rumfuss. Then, newly redeemed Devin saves Rumfuss. Him realizing he used to be a bully is done so well, and I found the dynamic between Karmo and Devin to be entertaining, as well. My next favorite is Halawir’s chapter. I wish that all of the chapters, aside from Devin’s and Anuqi’s, had been told from the spirit animal’s perspective, and Halawir’s is the only chapter that delivered. Halawir was such a joy to follow, from his comedic thoughts, to his development, and despite that, we still understand Cordalles as well (her issues involving her parents’ trust). I feel like Cordalles would have trust issues as a result of this chapter, seeing as the first new person she meets (Raisha) turned out to be a traitor (but that’s something to explore later). I like Halawir’s recognition of Zerif and how it’s confirmed that it’s the spirit animal’s choice to give their powers over to the human partner. Overall, a very good chapter. My next favorite was Raisha’s. Despite the fact that it does follow the tired formula of person-with-a-spirit-animal-goes-on-an-adventure, Raisha’s vileness makes a difference, because it’s not an adventure for the good of society, but for the good of herself. This story being at the end also was a perfect full-circle moment because the whole story, we’ve been seeing Raisha through other characters’ eyes. I liked that Raisha wasn’t (that) stupid and she ended up (kind of) feeling remorse in the end. I do wish this story had followed Gerathon’s perspective, instead. It would’ve made the story much better, in my opinion. 

My second-to-least favorite was Anuqi’s chapter. It was called “Suka and Arax”, so I expected it to be dual perspective. I feel like it should’ve been. We could’ve seen what happened after Grif escaped the wagon. We also could’ve felt Grif’s pain and seen him cause chaos during the ceremony. This story would’ve been better in a dual perspective format, but they didn’t go that route, so it felt empty. Grif’s an interesting character, so it would’ve been good to explore that. I also wish the story would have shown Talon trusting Grif and Anuqi with her story. She seems particularly interesting, and this would’ve been a prime time to let her show vulnerability and trust toward the kids to build a connection. Several clues and hints are dropped about her, but we never get her full story and that frustrated me. It did stray from the beaten-down path by not having Grif and Anuqi have spirit animals, but I still feel it could’ve done a bit better. And my least favorite of the stories. Takoda’s. I don’t have a particular problem with it except that the entire story could’ve been covered in the main series. Takoda’s anger and then coming to terms with it was a big part of the main story. Conor’s frustration toward Takoda is hinted at, but never expanded in the main story, so it was a waste of potential. Everything covered in this short story could’ve been covered in the main story. It took away from what could’ve been an interesting arc for Conor in the main story (coming to terms with the frustration of becoming the Wyrm’s slave because of Kovo). Instead of this story, we could’ve instead had a longer version of the Suka and Arax chapter told in multiple perspectives, including Talon’s backstory. Sacrificing that for a story which should’ve instead been a part of the main story is my biggest gripe with the Kovo chapter. The entire chapter is pretty much pointless. 

Rating: 8/10

[pearwaldorf]

20 questions for fic writers

sorta tagged by @antivanruffles

How many works do you have on ao3?

130 excluding the the podfics I'm listed as a co-author on

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

230,000. I'm a very succinct writer!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently OFMD. I have written a lot of (in descending order) Star Wars sequel trilogy, Good Omens, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Critical Role, and MCU.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

we wore the jacket for the longest time (Star Wars ST, Finn/Poe/Rey, 3200)

well you laughed baby it's okay (it's buzzcut season anyways) (nsfw; Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley, 1100)

human sacrifice and mass hysteria (nsfw, DA:I, Cullen/Dorian, 1080) This one has a weirdly long tail. I still get bursts of kudos on it every now and then.

balance theory (The Old Guard, Joe/Nicky foe yay, 660)

taste the stardust in my mouth (Star Wars ST, Finn/Poe/Rey, 560)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do not. I don't have enough energy to write and respond to comments, so I'm sure people would rather I write. They are all appreciated though <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

a knife on the things that held us together for sure. It sets up the rift between Han and Leia after Ben's attack on the Praxeum and it's the last time Leia sees her brother. I was so emotionally wiped by it I couldn't even think about writing for two weeks hahaha

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, or at least hopeful ones.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

If I do nobody has ever told me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I'm not sure what "what kind" means.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written exactly one, the Will Graham/Aziraphale one (I swear it makes sense in context). ngl it's pretty weird. Plenty of AUs set in different universes though!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have. Somebody plagiarized "but you laughed baby" beat for beat. When I confronted them about it they said they must have subconsciously regurgitated it. Binch, I had to reread my own fic to compare, don't give me that shit. (They deleted their entire account afterwards. I'm not sad.)

12. What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

Shortest is drabbles, and those take anywhere from 15-30 minutes. Longest? I still have a Mass Effect fic that I've been picking at on and off since 2012. I should just finish it up.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I refuse to pick.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Good Omens While You Were Sleeping AU is my only actual posted WIP. There are Reasons I tend not to post unfinished stuff.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm really good at nailing character voices and dialogue. I think I'm decent at striking a balance between pretty language and making sure it still moves things along. I have been told I'm very good at intimate character interaction.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

What the fuck is a plot?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Unless you're going for the half-remembered vocabulary because diaspora kid vibe (which I did in my Shang-Chi fic), get somebody fluent to translate for you. The amount of horrific Spanish I've seen in OFMD fic is... not good.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X2! I thought I was very clever making puns on "le petit mort" in a Rogue fic

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I have a series! I love the extremely weird ones I wrote just for myself that nobody else seems to like, although the Ed/Blackbeard/Stede one is an exception.

I am where memes go to die, so if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged.

[heavensbeehall]

"Mockingjay", Chapter 16

Part 2: The Assault

Chapter 16: Katniss comes back to consciousness (again!) after being shot and remembers the "Stay with me"/"Always" exchange with Peeta from the second book. Johanna Mason--what a queen--shows up to steal some drugs from Katniss. Johanna is addicted to "morphling" now, but in a fun way. Katniss and Gale fight about killing people but District 2 is now in Rebellion hands. Even though she lost a spleen, Katniss is made to return to work. Plutarch talks about "Panem et Circenses" for all the English teachers in the audience. Annie and Finnick are getting married! Katniss is stunned when the cake is wheeled out and it was obviously made by Peeta, who has been getting better after his first breakthrough. At midnight she goes to talk to him (and I have questions about why the staff at 13 is all around at midnight but they are not addressed. Perhaps they wanted a good Hanging Tree reference for this uncomfortable encounter). Peeta is pissy which I will allow since she was tortured for weeks. He sees Katniss through a new lens. She thinks it's "the truth" because she hates herself and is depressed and clearly needs medication--not to the responsibility of a rebellion. But it's more like he sees her through Snow's eyes now. (That women are not to be trusted and love makes you weak.)

Thoughts:

-- This book depresses me a bit and my own mental health hasn't been great lately. I should remind myself there is more Johanna. Because I really do like the part where they are roommates.

-- When Johanna calls Gale "gorgeous" and then laughs, it makes me think she is messing with him the way she did with Katniss in book 2. But I don't know if she is messing with Katniss or Gale, actually.

Quotes:

"You should have been the Mockingjay. No one would've had to feed you lines," I say. "True. But no one likes me," she tells me.

Given that Suzanne Collins has said they have tried to use previous victors (she particularly cited Finnick) as a rallying point for rebellion, I wonder if she says this from experience. The way Johanna won--by pretending for the camers--is actually quite smart. She used the game against the Gamemakers. Her "act" would be mostly in things we know Snow added to the Hunger Games--the interviews, the betting odds etc. If they had just thrown her into an arena, like 1-10th, then this would not be possible to do. Nor do I think crying or being sad to fight to the death is abnormal. We have seen Lamina (also a female tribute from 7) portrayed as somewhat weak during her Games but be mentally tough. I imagine it was easy to dismiss Johanna. But then when she won, it seems (as with many reality shows) she was not lauded for her cleverness but instead portrayed as a liar and a bitch.

Does anyone have strong headcanons about Johanna? For some reason, I assume she had siblings that were killed. Possibly because of how she interacts with Katniss and Finnick, like she is used to having someone close to her who is her age. But that person or persons is gone now.

Somehow staging some perverse wedding between Peeta and me. I haven't been able to face that one-way glass since I've been back and, at my own request, only get updates about Peeta's condition from Haymitch. He speaks very little about it. Different techniques are being tried. There will never truly be a way to cure him.And now they want me to marry Peeta for a propo?

I read a fanfic about this once. Anyway, you will note that Katniss instinctively assumes Plutarch will use her the same way Snow did which doesn't reassure me much about Plutarch's vibes.

... the music is provided by a choir of children accompanied by the lone fiddler who made it out of 12 with his instrument...

We think this is Clerk Carmine's fiddle, yes? I don't know where you would buy a new instrument in 12.

Sure enough, Greasy Sae grabs Gale by the hand and pulls him into the center of the floor and faces off with him

Get it, Greasy Sae! (I do not necessarily hold to the theory that Lucy Gray is Greasy Sae, but I do think--since she sells her wares at the Hob and has been around awhile, she would probably know the most about the Covey. I'd love to interview her for my fictional documentary about the history of the Hunger Games.)

"I must have loved you a lot."

I would like to think that Peeta need not be "in love" with Katniss to give her some bread. It's very "Snow-like" to assume that he would only do that if he was in love with her, and the love was like tricking him into something (which I think is how he comes to see everything he did for Lucy Gray, as some grand manipulation) when it's just normal to not like seeing someone else suffer.