#i remember actually venting to my friend about it for a whole free period | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thequiver · 8 months ago

Text

Part 2

A continuation of the above meta is under the cut!

So as we left off in the last section of the meta- Crystal was so happy and excited to be free of her husband who....as we saw was NOT doing well. We next see Pietro in West Coast Avengers (1985) # Annual 1, where he's gone off the deep end but at least he's sticking up for himself? And let's just say....that Crystal's cheating, his constant exclusion from the group, and Wanda's insistence that Pietro establishing boundaries with his cheating wife is hurting her somehow have.....done a number on him. But let's see how bad exactly things have gotten.

West Coast Avengers (1985) # Annual 1

Yeah, Pietro is mad enough and hurt enough that he's turned on everyone he's ever loved and cared about. He's now blaming the Avengers for Crystal cheating on him because if they hadn't left him during the Sentinel attack back in Avengers (1963) #104 he never would have met Crystal in the first place. And Wanda's betrayal of prioritizing Crystal over himself is especially taking a toll here (keep in mind too that Crystal and Wanda barely know each other due to Pietro and Wanda's periods of estrangement during his relationship with Crystal, as seen in the issues discussed in Part 1).

We also see that he's very much soured from his past romanticism. He's very much sworn off love, and has especially sworn off sex because "flesh is a runner's enemy." He's not doing well folks. He's not doing well.

West Coast Avengers (1985) # Annual 1

Pietro's scheme of destroying everyone is thwarted by Vision showing him his nephews for the first time. In a truly touching scene were he tells Pietro, "You claim you hate everyone on two worlds- your wife, your sister, your former team- but can you truly hate these two innocents, whose father and mother you will have to murder to establish your claim? Tommy and Billy need their uncle, Pietro- just as your own child needs her father! Whatever we adults have done to you-" ...so Vision might be the only person who's actually like acknowledging that perhaps in fact, the adults around Pietro have contributed to the myriad of issues in the young man's life.

But it's worth noting that while Pietro has a temper and we know he has a temper. We have NEVER seen him lash out like this. And we have never seen him turn his back on those he loves and has sworn loyalty to like this even when angry with them. The worst he's done is stop talking to them. Something is off with Pietro here, and it's more than just being angry that his wife is manipulative serial cheater who belongs to a racist monarchical institution that up until recently practiced slavery.

In Fantastic Four (1961) #304, Pietro kidnaps Johnny Storm's wife, Alicia (who y'all probably better know as Ben Grimm's wife) and takes her to the Bronx in yet another astonishingly racist Englehart story in order to punish Johnny Storm for not fighting harder to keep Crystal and thus allowing him to date Crystal. Pietro then vents to Alicia about what's ailing him- which is y'know the whole "My wife cheated on me because I was trying to prove myself to her and her family as being someone worthy of them- and this is also Johnny's fault...somehow."

Fantastic Four (1961) #304

Throughout this saga, Englehart determines that Pietro's hurt and pain and anger at the situation is "maniacal ego." And Englehart's entire narrative is designed around Crystal somehow being innocent and a victim in her decisions. Ben Grimm even says that he remembers Crystal as an innocent, despite being fully aware that Crystal's relationship with Pietro was started by her cheating on his friend Johnny Storm.

Fantastic Four (1961) #305

We can see here, that contrary to what some Crystal fans might insinuate, that up until this issue Pietro has never turned against her. But he turns against her here, because despite her actions being the cause of his upset, and the dissolution of their marriage, she is trying to speak to him self-righteously about the sanctity of marriage, and despite having been in a multi-year relationship with Johnny Storm, who she cheated on, she claims to have been an "innocent" when she started dating Pietro. Crystal has functionally taken Pietro's priority of the sanctity of marriage and his very real role as an innocent at the beginning of their relationship as she was the only one of the two of them with any experience, and claimed that his reality is hers.

And then when talking to Johnny and Alicia, Crystal avoids any responsibility at all for the situation playing out, and knows that she can get away with it, because the Fantastic Four are essentially going out of their way to ignore the fact that Crystal did anything by claiming that it is in fact Pietro's fault that his wife made a decision independent of him. Crystal literally says the year has been rough because she was sick (because she overdosed on anti-pollution poison in order to cheat on her husband) and because Pietro is attacking her friends (this one is actually his decision but we haven't seen Crystal to know how much she actually cares about it given how infrequently she talks to the Avengers at all).

And then the Fantastic Four invite Crystal to join their team. Ben, who has just been made leader of the FF in #304, and whose first plan of action is to make Reed and Sue pay more attention to their child- asks Crystal to join the team, knowing she lives on the moon and has a child. Make it make sense. Crystal accepts, and despite her earlier protests that Pietro's actions on the moon were causing him to spend too much time away from Luna- seemingly has no issues with herself being on a different planet from her daughter all the time.

In #306, Crystal is reunited with Luna and we learn that the Inhumans have granted Crystal and Luna permission to live on Earth and have sent along an Inhuman nanny whose powers allow her to recreate the environment of the moon to protect Luna from the Earth's pollution. Interestingly, we see in this issue, that not everyone seems to be as forgiving and convinced of Crystal's innocence. Her sister, Medusa, describes her as a "trial."

Fantastic Four (1961) #306

In this issue as well, we also see some pretty.....casual discussion about how what they're doing to Pietro is making him worse.

Fantastic Four (1961) #306

And the vast majority of the room is focusing on the fact that Quicksilver is "loony tunes" as Johnny Storm puts it. But one man, Ben Grimm (who just a few issues ago described Pietro as a "Fruitcake" and was asserting Crystal's innocence), seems to have developed some understanding of maybe why Pietro is like this.

Fantastic Four (1961) #306

The next time we see mention of Crystal, Pietro, and Luna is in X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2, where we get insight into Crystal's parenting the how the Inhumans are viewing her actions.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

We learn that Crystal has essentially just....left her daughter, leaving Luna to considered a "royal ward" to be raised by family rather than her mother, and that she traveled without a way back to the moon to rejoin her daughter. We are once again getting assertions that Pietro is selfish and "arrogant" which has some merit when it comes to his pride in his powers and when it comes to the fact that y'know he didn't cheat on his wife or try to convince someone else to just deal with a betrayal like that. But as we've seen previously, Pietro's interactions with the Inhumans have focused on proving himself worthy of being one of them and of trying to be useful to his adopted people and of prioritizing them as his family.

Within X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2, Pietro sees Luna again, presumably for the first time and it causes him physical pain. But never fear, Franklin Richards (who dreamed about this exact situation) is on the case.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

And Scott Summers, Cyclops of the X-Terminators (his team at this point in time), is making good points about how Pietro's behavior is baffling. Everyone is confused by these extreme out of character reactions. And Triton points out that Crystal was lured back to the FF by "the siren-call of an old lover."

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

We've also seen in this issue that it's not just Pietro acting odd, but Lockjaw as well. And it's in this issue that we discover that there is a reason that Pietro's behavior has been so out of character. And wouldn't you know it, it's because he's being mind controlled by Maximus, an Inhuman. We've seen Maximus before, several times, in fact he was the villain in Pietro and Crystal's very first appearance together, and we've seen over the years that Maximus is an Inhuman problem that they refuse to solve- he is the brother of their king and Black Bolt seems unwilling to do anything meaningful to stop this persistent thorn in their side.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

Even though Medusa among the Inhumans is willing to acknowledge that Crystal really did start this, in front of Pietro, she asserts that he abandoned his child after Crystal left to join the FF, which is just not what happened. Crystal cheated on Pietro, he left, and then Crystal left her baby. Crystal joining the FF happened after Pietro had already left.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

Maximus fully admits to mind controlling Pietro, Crystal*, and Lockjaw. I've put an asterisk next to Crystal because Maximus talks more about Crystal later.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

Pietro starts to break out of his mind control when Jean commands Medusa to go up against Black Bolt, his own sensibilities so tuned against spouses causing each other pain that it makes him cry and snaps him out of his mind control.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

And as SOON as he's back to his sense all of his attention is on Luna.

X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2

We then carry on with Crystal and the FF and see her regaling Johnny and Alicia with tales of romantic exploits.

Fantastic Four (1961) #309

And in this issue we see Crystal saying that the marriage fell apart because she wanted a life of action and he wanted to have his own hobby. Alicia tries to be diplomatic and point out the the incompatibility likely stemmed from the fact that to her knowledge, Crystal fell for Pietro while rebounding from her relationship with Johnny and then Crystal points out that in fact she left Johnny, and rather casually refers to her habit of cheating on people with a blithe "we all make mistakes." Johnny immediately calls for a time out after this and then he and Crystal have to go fight an enemy. During the fight Crystal references another one of Johnny's exes, and then following the fight, Johnny compares he and Crystal to Ben and Sharon, who are skirting around a relationship.

In the next issue, Alicia takes a very gentle approach to pointing out that Johnny is her husband and calls Crystal boring while bringing the two of them food. Johnny resolutely makes it clear that he'd choose his wife every time, and Crystal looks deeply upset and then pulls out a business card for Norm, the real estate agent (remember him?).

Fantastic Four (1961) #310

Norm has potentially developed a backbone and we LOVE that for him. He gives Crystal the call-out that she's so rightfully needed.

Fantastic Four (1961) #311

In Fantastic Four (1961) #312, Crystal says that she tries to avoid all X-people because of Pietro. Johnny rightfully points out that Pietro is not representative of all mutants, and it's worth noting that the only mutants Crystal has really met are Pietro and Wanda......who are not even involved in the mutant parade that the FF are looking to watch.

Crystal is continuing to position her joining the Fantastic Four as a way to leave Pietro, when Pietro left before she ever joined the team and as almost every character who's talked about him as said, he wasn't on the moon.

Fantastic Four (1961) #313

Fantastic Four (1961) #317 has Johnny give Crystal a pretty stern talking to in regard to some lingering desires between them. "I just can't get comfortable around you! We were together for so long!...one of the reasons Ben chose you was to get at me--and he succeeded! It's just too heavy having the first girl I ever loved around while I'm spending so much time away from 'Licia." He goes on to say that Crystal is still the most beautiful woman he's ever met but that he won't go back on the commitment he made to his wife even if he's still attracted to her. Johnny is basically telling Crystal that he's not going to do what she did. And good for him.

Fantastic Four (1961) #317

While Crystal is off getting messy with the Fantastic Four, Englehart seems to have forgotten or ignored the events of X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2, that show that Pietro broke free from his mind control and resumed his gentler nature. When we see him next in West Coast Avengers (1985) #34-36, he's still acting as he did while controlled by Maximus. This Pietro wants to achieve Magneto's dream of becoming the king of evil mutants. It's another one of those wildly out of character moves that leaves anyone who's read Pietro's earlier appearances scratching their heads. (Gee, I wonder what's changed since Englehart started writing Pietro this way, oh right, he was confirmed as Romani, interesting).

In an interesting turn of events, Vision (as inconsistent in his views on Pietro as ever), declares that the difference between Pietro and Wanda is that Wanda is capable of love and Pietro is not. Earlier when discussing Pietro, Vision had fully admitted that the issue at hand was in fact that Pietro did love Crystal.

Crystal is seen next in Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 21, where she discusses her parenting with Luna's nanny. And let's just say that Crystal sure is willing to allow for herself what she declared neglectful by Pietro.

Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 21

Shortly after this uh....touching? interaction between mother and daughter, Crystal is summoned back to Attilan by her sister Medusa and the rest of the Inhuman royal family because Pietro has decided to forgive her and is willing to take her back following the breaking of his mind control by Maximus. In delivering this message, Medusa says that Pietro claims that he was mind controlled by Maximus but she was literally physically present and awake when Maximus admitted to doing exactly that in X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2, so like... as per usual, the Inhumans are being as least generous to Pietro as possible.

Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 21

It's worth noting here that Pietro is not at all present for summoning Crystal back to the moon. It is entirely the Inhuman royal family that is responsible for forcing her back to Attilan, but where is he you might ask? Why he's on Attilan, defending the Terrigan mists from invaders despite having lost his superspeed because he still wants to be a force for good in his adopted home and for the people he is striving to find acceptance among.

Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 21

During this issue, Pietro wholly and fully forgives Crystal, wanting to make things work for his family and desperate to see his daughter again. He regains his speed, gives Crystal her space, doesn't fight her when she says she doesn't trust him. And is so happy to have his daughter back. We have a scene of him walking through Attilan while holding Luna where he tells her, "so glad you're with Daddy, princess."

Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 21

Crystal doesn't want Luna anywhere near her father, and absolutely glowers when Pietro holds Luna and tells his daughter that he loves her.

Throughout this all Pietro is entirely pleasant and civil to Crystal while she is as we can see not the same towards him, she even has to be threatened into pretending to be somewhat okay with her own decision to stay on Attilan. Despite Pietro's never having even been tempted to cheat on Crystal, she feels the need to tell him, "But do not forget, if it had been you who'd had an affair, you'd have been barred from this society forever!" Yeah Crystal...because he's the one who's been having issues staying faithful to his partner.....

Now Pietro absolutely 100% does make a blunder here, but it's not about his relationship with Crystal. While Crystal is requesting alone time, he makes a phone call to get revenge on the "pretender to the Latverian throne, that child, Kristoff." But that doesn't really have anything to do with his relationship.

I am out of images for this part, so I will stop here at their reconciliation and come back with a part 3!

Reading List, Part 2:

West Coast Avengers (1985) # Annual 1 Fantastic Four (1961) #304-306 X-Factor (1986) # Annual 2 West Coast Avengers (1985) #34-36 Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 21

So Let's Talk about Pietro and Crystal...

In this meta I am going through Pietro Maximoff's relationship with Crystalia Amaquelin. This meta is not just going to focus on their interactions with one another but also on the ways that they talk about one another and on the culture/societal structure of the Inhumans and Crystal's privilege which are both major factors in this relationship. This reading list is going to have to be in parts just due to how much there is to talk about in these issues and I want to be able to share images freely! The only edits to any panels have been to arrange them in such a way that they easily fit in a tumblr post and to condense panels from the same comic into one image. The content of any panels has been unchanged, and all panels within the same image are displayed in they order they are found within the original printed comic.

Meta below the cut! This one's a doozy.

Pietro and Crystal's first meeting and then subsequent early courtship happens entirely off page between the events of The Avengers (1963) #104 and The Fantastic Four (1961) #131-132. Within The Fantastic Four (1961) #131 we get like little flashbacks in a handful of pages telling us that this has happened and giving us vignettes into how, but it doesn't really provide us with any particular details- which means that going into Fantastic Four (1961) #131, we know about as much as Johnny Storm (The Human Torch), Crystal's boyfriend.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #131

Which is to say that we know that he's come back from a mission only to discover that his girlfriend has been getting cozy with another guy. To Johnny's credit here, he's first mad at Crystal and not at Pietro who as far as we the reader can tell, had no idea that Crystal was dating the Human Torch. Pietro however.....despite clearly realizing that he's the side-piece is still defending Crystal and it's only after his defense of Crystal's decision to be a messy cheater that Johnny decides the two men have beef.

Within #131 we learn that Crystal found Pietro following some intense injuries sustained in a battle with a Sentinel (during a period of comics in which the Maximoff twins keep miraculously losing access to their mutant abilities at the drop of a hat for plot reasons?) and had nursed him back to health and during the days she spends at his bedside helping him recover, in which Crystal apparently decides he's the one while he's unconscious as the other Inhumans (particularly Medusa) around her begin to call her out on her reasons for wanting to stay by Pietro's bedside.

Crystal and Johnny have a conversation where she begs him for more time, and he reminds her (not unfairly) that she's had years of their relationship to think it over and that "if you don't love me- and only me- by now, it's time for me to read the handwriting on the wall." I'm not saying Pietro didn't see the red flags, I'm just saying he might be colorblind.

Within this issue we also get a taste of the Inhuman practice of slavery, wherein they place "Alpha Primitives" beneath them and we get to see the beginnings of an uprising (yay!), the uprising is presented as a bad thing and we're supposed to sympathize with the slavers (boo!). Johnny is portrayed here as being pro-slavery while Pietro is significantly more sensitive to the whole reality of their being enslaved. This being said, Pietro is still upset that the Alpha Primitives have taken Crystal captive and plans to save her, calling her "the girl I love." Johnny pretty rightfully points out that it's been only a few weeks of Crystal and Pietro knowing one another and Pietro....well...by this point we know he rushes into things. Pietro and Johnny run accidentally headfirst into each other during the revolt and Crystal is only concerned about Pietro's wellbeing and almost makes a threat against Johnny, even though it was Pietro who ran into the Human Torch.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #132 ends with Crystal basically going "this massive enemy that we've been fighting is powered by our own inherent guilt over being greedy enslaving racists (a guilt which has not been shown on page at ALL)." Somehow calling this out and actually triggering guilt does not at all further power their enemy but instead leaves him as an immobile statue and a reminder of how fucking racist they are- and then the Alpha Primitives are sent back down into the caves they live in without any form of reparations: "While the Alphas, free men now, return to their nighted catacombs...their own world...dark, but theirs no less for that. One day, they'll come again into the light and take a proffered brother's hand. One day...but not today." It should be noted, that the Inhumans do absolutely NOTHING to "proffer a brother's hand" in this issue, they just walk away from the Alphas and the Alphas go into their dark caves. In fact, the only Inhuman who seems to have had any kind of fondness for the Alphas is known shit-stirrer, Maximus who is kept in a perpetual open-air prison because none of them trust him. And Maximus was the one who built the machine that's supposedly powering Omega (the big enemy) but it's implied up until Crystal's speech that it is actual physical acts of violence against the Alphas that powers Omega.

Pietro ends this first big Crystal saga, brooding and moping because Johnny Storm has friends and he doesn't (he does...sorta, they're just not with him right now) , and Crystal breaks up with Johnny. And Johnny...does a complete 180 from #131 and is like "oh yeah actually I'm not at all upset that you cheated on me and I was hoping you'd break up with me and actually I have a date with my ex girlfriend tonight." Johnny does cry when he sees Crystal with Pietro, but that's really all we get for the end of their relationship. And for whatever reason the narrative seems to wrap itself around Crystal to make her look good.

Literally one issue later in The Avengers (1963) #110- this happens:

The Avengers (1963) #110

Within this issue Steve Englehart makes the BOLD move to position Pietro as some domineering patriarch when for literally every other appearance he's had with Wanda he has never ONCE positioned himself as "the head of our family." Pietro has up until this point been firm that he and Wanda are equals and just a few issues prior had issued the statement that he would never again even jokingly refer to her as "little sister."

Then in The Avengers (1963) #127, Pietro fails to invite the Avengers to his wedding with Crystal because he's fighting with Wanda and is deemed an "arrogant, posturing fool" by the Inhumans, we're told that Gorgon has "endured a great deal from Quicksilver...for many months." There's only one problem with that, in the blink and you'll miss it Pietro appearances that happen between The Avengers (1963) #110 and the current issue- (Marvel Team-Up (1972) #11 and The Incredible Hulk (1968) #175) We have seen Pietro be nothing but helpful to the Inhumans. And we have seen his help and expertise ignored when it comes to enemies he has fought previously. We have no indications whatsoever that Pietro has been anything but loving and focused on Crystal. It should also be noted that when Gorgon finds out that Pietro didn't invite the Avengers he starts nearly destroying Avengers Tower.

At the wedding, we learn that CRYSTAL HAS INVITED HER EX-BOYFRIEND, JOHNNY STORM, TO HER AND PIETRO'S WEDDING. Johnny is very much a mature adult about things and tells Crystal that if she's happy, he's happy for her. Which is great and lovely and another tick on the box for why I'm a Johnny Storm fan BUT-

The Fantastic Four (1961) #150A-B

Crystal is about to get married and is now suddenly confused about if she's happy or not? That little vague anxiety is never resolved in this wedding arc and in Fantastic Four (1961) #150B, Pietro and Crystal are married. But even the comic is aware that readers might not be thinking this is a happy ending and have an entire panel dedicated to trying to convince you this is happy.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #150A-B

Regardless, these early Pietro/Crystal appearances offer us even more insight into the bigotry on New Attilan. At the beginning of The Avengers (1963) #127, we're told that Black Bolt (who cannot speak) has issued a number of reforms meant to create equality between ALL Inhumans. But upon our first looks at the Alphas, the former slaves of the Inhumans, we see that they're talking of genocide. The genocide mention isn't really resolved here either.

We find out in Fantastic Four (1961) #158 that Pietro marrying Crystal was not enough for him to gain acceptance among his wife's people but that he had to be made an Inhuman by special decree. And yet- Pietro is chained and is willing to die for the Inhumans. "I am an Inhuman since the day of my marriage. From that day until forever, I will live or die- an Inhuman!" This is a sharp contrast to Pietro's issues with the concept of mutant identity that have previously been expressed in: Avengers (1963) #16, Uncanny X-Men (1963) #27, Avengers (1963) #45-49, and Uncanny X-Men (1963) #43A-45A. It's safe to assume that part of Pietro's undying and unearned loyalty to the Inhumans is based around his rushed relationship with Crystal.

I've mentioned above that I don't think Pietro didn't see the red flags, but that he might be colorblind and I'm going to go a little further into that here. Pietro falls in love with Crystal because she is kind to him and nurses him back to health and he's obviously very attracted to her. Crystal falls in love with Pietro while he is unconscious and dependent on her. Even though Pietro is aware that he's essentially Crystal's side-piece in this whole relationship kerfuffle from Fantastic Four (1961) #131-132, he's emboldened by the fact that Crystal chose him. Pietro struggles with self-worth issues (we can see these manifested as well in those mutant identity issues listed above) despite his bluster and pride, and we can see some of that desire and craving to be picked, to be worthy, to be loved, come through in The Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #71. But we've also seen so far, how Pietro's loyalty and love for these people who "picked him" by virtue of their princess "falling in love" with him, is largely one-sided as the Inhumans do NOT share his sentiments.

Case in point for Pietro's feelings and attachment to Cyrstal.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #159

Pietro interacts with the Avengers again in Avengers (1963) #137 where he's informed of Wanda's marriage to Vision and is asked to return to the Avengers and leave Crystal because of that marriage. It doesn't go as planned for the Avengers and Pietro refuses. He's putting Crystal above his old friends and family, and we're seeing that he's been interacting more with Crystal's friends and family than his own since they've gotten together.

With the advent of Inhumans (1975) Pietro starts to vocally realize that maybe... just maybe...the Inhumans don't like him very much. And Crystal tries to convince him otherwise.

Inhumans (1975) #3

A few issues pass, Pietro and Crystal are held for ransom, Pietro barely talks at all, Black Bolt screams and destroys the Great Refuge- and then randomly and all of a sudden, Crystal and Pietro are placed as regents of New Attilan? But even with this regency, it's clear that the Inhumans don't like Pietro. Crystal thinks that Pietro is "beyond reason" for questioning Black Bolt and the way that the Inhumans interpret his silence as royal edict. When Pietro makes solid points about how Black Bolt doesn't talk so he can't say anything.

Inhumans (1975) #7

And then in Inhumans (1975) #12, Crystal asks Pietro why he doesn't trust their new leader, and he speaks of the man's lust for power and Crystal goes "well even if his motives suck, he's making progress." She doesn't really take the time to even think through Pietro's point of view, instead meeting him with a "hope you're wrong." Spoiler alert- Pietro was not wrong as we discover in The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12. And even in that issue, where Crystal is telling the FF about how Pietro was right and how valiantly he fought to ensure the safety of the Inhumans against one who only wanted power- she refers to him as "not a true Inhuman," and in the same breath refers to herself as "I, his loyal wife." And in this same issue Pietro even says, echoing Crystal's earlier wording (which he wasn't even around to hear), "I may not be a true Inhuman, but these people are now my family and no one gets away with killing them." He's continuing to position the Inhumans and particularly the Inhuman royal family as his family, while they continue to keep a distance between them, with his wife referring to him as not a true Inhuman, and others making it clear that he is merely tolerated due to his marriage to Crystal.

Crystal isn't completely without merit here though, her words definitely shine light on one part of her thoughts on her husband, but she also shows extreme care for him and prioritizes finding him over the rest of her family when he's captured in The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12. This does however fall into her growing pattern of caring for Pietro more when he's dependent on her than when he's able to make his own choices.

And then, at the end of The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12, we see Crystal grab Johnny Storm's face, look like she's about to kiss him (while giving him "fuck me" eyes), and tell him that she's never going to stop loving him. Pietro sees them, and Johnny is clearly uncomfortable with Crystal's actions (as he has been this entire issue), and he and Pietro make "peace" despite neither of them being the issue here when Pietro basically tells him that he's okay because he's a friend of Crystal's and hopefully a friend of his too.

The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12

With the dawn of Korvac Saga, we get further confirmation that Pietro is deeply, deeply committed to Crystal. We start The Avengers (1963) #170 with Pietro gazing over New Attilan in a way that's recognized as sad, and then the following exchange happens:

The Avengers (1963) #170

Crystal makes a really great observation about how Pietro's marriage to her has tied him down and changed his life dramatically since his days as an Avenger, but Pietro refutes her concerns saying that what matters to him is that he has her, that he can support her in her place among her people, and is about to say that he'd never leave her when he's teleported elsewhere by agents unknown (at this point in the story at least ;)). This is literally the healthiest their relationship has been to date.

At some point after the Korvac Saga, Pietro rejoins the Avengers, sort of- he's an Avenger again for like a single issue, the whole rejoining thing happens off page, and then come Avengers (1963) #181, he's been kicked off the team and then passes out. In reality we find out that Pietro's soul has been stolen by Django Maximoff who has imprisoned his and Wanda's souls in wooden puppets of themselves. Pietro and Wanda go on a soul-searching journey with Django to discover the truth about their childhoods, learn more about their parentage and then return to Attilan.

It's on Attilan in The Avengers (1963) #188, that Pietro finds out he is going to be a father.

The Avengers (1963) #188

Following the pregnancy announcement, in Marvel Two-in-One (1974) #71, is the first time we see an Inhuman who isn't Crystal be spontaneously kind/nice to Pietro when Gorgon and Karnak invite Pietro to play a game with them. Crystal is also heavily pregnant in this comic so it's safe to assume that some time has passed and that as the pregnancy has continued the Inhumans have warmed some to Pietro's presence among them. With the importance we've seen them place on blood ties and Inhuman genetics in particular, this makes a lot of sense as Pietro is now not just married-in to the family, but is the father of the new member of the royal family.

The next time we see Pietro and Crystal is during Fantastic Four (1961) #239-240, where Pietro has become the sole defender of Attilan in a time of war when all of the Inhumans have come down with a mystery illness. During this time, Pietro continues to be extremely devoted to Crystal and deeply concerned about her health and the safety of their unborn child.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #239

During this great conflict when it seems to be resolved in Fantastic Four (1961) #240, we get another glimpse into the racism in Attilan. The Inhumans freeing those they formerly enslaved is described here as a "mistake," a "failure," and a "noble experiment." The Alphas are still inherently described as being "mindless drones" and as "less-than-human."

The Fantastic Four (1961) #240

It is into this continued dehumanization of the non-Inhuman on Attilan that Luna Maximoff is born. And Luna, is fundamentally not Inhuman nor Mutant at the time of her birth. But for now, Pietro is just concerned with his wife and daughter's health. He looks like the Grinch, but he's happy and that's what matters.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #240

Pietro's bond with Wanda has been repaired and his anger against Vision for existing has dissipated by the events of Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4, where Pietro encourages Vision to hold his daughter. We get a really great moment of seeing that Crystal and Wanda have started to form a friendship and that Pietro's two families (the one with his sister, and the one with his wife) are becoming closer.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4

But this is where things start to get a little dicey. Magneto, having recently discovered that he is the father of Pietro and Wanda, has now sought them out on Attilan (now moved to the moon) and is determined to try to once again get his children to join his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (he's not picking up on the message they keep putting down smh). And throughout this fight, Wanda, Pietro, and Erik all make it clear that Erik has severely mistreated his children and that still, knowing he is their father, he is willing to harm and even kill them. Crystal is there- she is witness to this.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4

And what does Crystal do? But let Magneto hold the baby, before Magneto has even revealed himself to be Pietro's father.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4

Within the pages of Vision and the Scarlet Witch we don't really get to see Pietro's whole reaction to this incredibly traumatizing series of events, but never fear, Wanda recounts more of the story in Avengers (1963) #234 (TW- G slur).

Avengers (1963) #234

Again, all of this is happening in front of Crystal. There is absolutely no way she gets out of this conversation without the knowledge that Pietro and Wanda have been horribly abused by their father and that Pietro is on some level afraid of turning into Magneto and is aware of the temper he shares with the older man and has been actively combating it. It would be reasonable to think that Pietro might need time to process this information.

When we next see Pietro and Crystal it is during a battle on Attilan against the Avengers in Avengers (1963) # Annual 12, inspired by Maximus. Maximus is spared, as always, because Black Bolt loves him too much to actually do anything about the consistent and ever present threat the man poses to the safety and security of their people. (This is a surprise tool that will come back to bite them in the ass). And once again, this issue presents the Alphas as Maximus' allies, continuing to have the formerly enslaved be shown as enemies of the "good" Inhumans.

Pietro and Crystal's relationship goes from bad to worse in The Thing (1983) #3. In this comic, Pietro wishes to partake of his right as an Inhuman father and in the fashion of the Inhumans, his adopted people, expose Luna to the Terrigan mists to spark forth her Inhuman abilities- Crystal does not agree. Crystal brings in Ben Grimm (The Thing) to stop Pietro from following her people's customs in regard to their child, and sends her dog, Lockjaw (who is technically an Inhuman himself but that's never really explored?) to teleport the baby away from Pietro. Crystal's reasoning for not wanting to expose Luna to the mists? She's afraid her daughter will become ugly.

No seriously, that's the reason. Pietro is worried about his daughter's life as one who is both mutant and Inhuman, what her humanity will bring her among her two super-powered peoples. Crystal is worried about her looks. Pietro acquiesces to his wife's wishes following the testimony of their dog/friend(?) and Ben Grimm and is thoroughly painted in the wrong for wanting to raise his daughter as an Inhuman among Inhumans. At least the rest of the royal family was on his side this time?

Anyway, let's remember that Lockjaw is a person and has been a person this whole time and then think back on how Crystal has treated him. Based on Ben and Pietro's reactions to Lockjaw speaking it's also pretty clear that nobody who isn't an Inhuman was aware that Lockjaw was a person and not a dog......anyway....

The Thing (1983) #3

We get a completely different idea of Pietro's feelings towards the Inhumans in Marvel Fanfare (1982) #14B than what we've seen previously. In this issue, Pietro is openly critical of the bread and circus approach the Inhumans take with their ruling, and in a shocking turn of events from the last 20+ issues, explicitly says "I'm no Inhuman, and I give no obeisance to Black Bolt...or to your foolish traditions." Pietro is accused of stealing a royal scepter because he made a comment about not being a monarchist (based) and is lured into a trap by someone he thought was his friend who he has had to twice this issue turn down a proposition for sex from.

Marvel Fanfare (1982) #14B* *editorial says this issue takes place before Attilan is moved to the moon, however, Luna's birth occurred after the fateful move and she was named for the move which puts the actual chronology of this issue in question, but I'm keeping it here for an easy publication order chronology

We get a clear image, even clearer than it's been in the past that the Inhumans hate Pietro for...not being an Inhuman.

Do we all remember when Crystal literally brought in people who aren't even related to her child to stop Pietro from exposing Luna to the Terrigan mists because she might turn ugly? We all remember this? Okay great- because she's now adopted Pietro's anxieties in Avengers (1963) #243.

The Avengers (1963) #243

And though Crystal apparently doesn't trust Pietro's parenting choices she's come around to his same anxieties about Luna's human-ness. Pietro tries to support her and then she goes "well none of us have experience with a human baby, what if we just.... didn't deal with that and hired a nanny." And Pietro goes along with it, trying to track down Bova, his minotaur-esque nursemaid from his own childhood who he's only just learned about and has met but once.

We see Crystal and Pietro together again during the wedding of Black Bolt and Medusa, in Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 18. Where we see Pietro brooding over the wedding festivities. Here we learn that Pietro was given no role in his sister-in-law's wedding and that he is still continuously feeling like an outsider, despite all of the efforts we've seen him take in past appearances to be as much of an Inhuman as possible he is still kept at arms length even by these he considers family. Even Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) wonders at the differences between Pietro and Crystal's wedding and the wedding of Black Bolt and Medusa- and Reed wonders if the difference can't be attributed to the fact that Crystal chose to marry someone who was not an Inhuman. And it's a fair question. Pietro even asks Crystal if it's okay that he and their daughter stand beside her during the wedding.

The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 18

In Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #5, we see that Pietro has decided to introduce human traditions to the Inhumans with trick or treat, and that he plans to take Luna on her rounds, Crystal along with them of course.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #5

Then in Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #6 (that fateful Thanksgiving with the surprise Magneto appearance), we begin to see some strife between husband and wife. According to Crystal, she is "used to being alone." (She is literally a princess in a close-knit family who didn't even stop dating Johnny Storm to start dating her now-husband). And she adds that.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #6

The militia, being something Pietro had discussed with Wanda briefly in #5, is a new responsibility of his entrusted to him by the Inhumans. He is now responsible for training a militia intended for the protection of Attilan. It's the first real job he's had since getting with Crystal and the moment he has responsibilities and focuses outside of her, she's not happy. Also yes, Luna does look like a Renaissance baby in this panel.

A month later, in Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #7, we discover that Crystal, who started her relationship with Pietro by cheating on her then-boyfriend, is now cheating on her current husband.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #7

Now, I've shown you all the lead-up there is to her cheating. I've covered all of the Pietro and Crystal interactions, and touched base with every major Crystal appearance leading up to this. There isn't any rhyme or reason to this aside from, Pietro has a job and he's doing it. And beyond this, as we move into #8, we learn that Crystal is planning on spending more time on Earth, and from Pietro's perspective it's to spend time with Wanda, but really it's to cheat on him. Once again, the militia (Pietro's job) is very much cited as the reason for this.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #8

While Pietro runs off with Wanda, Vision, and Luke Cage to make sure that Wanda is safe for the duration of her pregnancy (it's a demon thing, Scarlet Witch stuff y'know?), we discover that Crystal is taking this opportunity to cheat on her husband again.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #8

Crystal's affair goes on for MONTHS, and even her boyfriend is more worried about what all this is doing to Pietro than she is. She overdoses on anti-pollution potion in order to continue to see her boyfriend, and Pietro spends the vast majority of his time at her bedside frantically trying to get someone to wake her up in deep concern for her wellbeing.

In #10, Crystal calls out her boyfriend's name in her sleep, confessing to the affair, and Pietro tries to kill him. He's stopped by Vision and the Inhumans, and then tries to rally his militia against Norm the real estate agent, the man who has stolen his wife's affections. Wanda confronts Norm and he gives her a sad speech about how Pietro is "neglectful" of his wife's needs and ends it with "I'm not making excuses for deceiving you, but you like your brother better than a lot of people do." Essentially saying "It's okay that she cheated on Pietro, because he's Pietro." Wanda then talks to Crystal's spirit and Crystal says "I cheated on Pietro! I'd do it again!"

Pietro and Vision talk and Pietro comments on how Crystal doesn't allow him to pursue any of his own interests, which tracks with what we've seen that now that Pietro is spending time with the militia she's determined him neglectful and is using it as justification to cheat on him. Throughout all of this too, the Inhumans confirm to Pietro that they think lesser of him because he isn't one of them.

Pietro decides that he can't take Crystal back after this betrayal of his trust (fair and reasonable) to which Crystal calls him a "self-righteous pig" and even Wanda insists that he must take her back because he loves her. And in issue #11, Vision claims that Pietro has "run out on his wife" and Wanda thinks poorly of him for establishing a boundary of not wanting to be around a woman who cheated on him. Meanwhile, Pietro is having a mental breakdown about the fact that nobody actually loves him and that the loyalty he shows to others is not reciprocated.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #11

And rounding us out in #12, Crystal tells Norm that she wants to keep seeing him and celebrates the fact that if Pietro stays away for a bit longer she'll be granted a divorce.

Here ends part 1 of the meta (stopping close to image limit at a good rest point) and I'll reblog this post with even more commentary at a later date!

Reading List so far:

The Fantastic Four (1961) #131-132 The Avengers (1963) #110 The Incredible Hulk (1968) #175 The Avengers (1963) #127 The Fantastic Four (1961) #150A-B <- Wedding Issue The Fantastic Four (1961) #158-159 The Avengers (1963) #137 Inhumans (1975) #3, 7, 12 The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12 Avengers (1963) #170, 188 The Fantastic Four (1961) #239-240 Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #2, 4 The Avengers (1963) #234, Annual 12 The Thing (1983) #3 Marvel Fanfare (1982) #14B Avengers (1963) #243 The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 18 Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #5-12

#pietro maximoff #quicksilver #crystalia amaquelin #crystal amaquelin #crystal #luna maximoff #meta #comic book meta #meta posts

91 notes · View notes

xxrat--punkxx · 4 years ago

Text

JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON

Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse

(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.

Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.

Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.

BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.

But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.

Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.

Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.

So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!

Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day

🥺💕

24 notes · View notes

liledgyacrobat · 3 years ago

Text

Don't mind me venting but I've been obsessed lately with how my relationships with some colours and colour in general changed over the years. Idk if there have been like psych studies about this or anything but. This is just me ranting about colours in my life idk this turned out waaay longer than I expected so yup all under the cut see you there.

(also please if you want to go on and on about your colours, feel free to add to this post I love to hear about people's colours)

Let's talk about red. So. My mom loves decorating and repainting rooms so even though we never moved, I've known 3 to 5 different versions of almost every room in our home. So I took that from here and I do like to repaint my room every now and then (yes that's relevant for the rest). So when I got into secondary school, wasn't a kid anymore, I wanted to redo my room and my mom offered to do it all over for my birthday (I wasn't allowed in my room for a week while she and my sister redecorated it all, big surprise and everything). The theme was basically black and white with specks of red and floral stickers on the walls. I loved it. Loved red. My favourite jacket was red, up until high school my favourite dress was red (and I didn't even wear dresses, I just had the one, that was red, and that I only wore on Christmas). I just couldn't wear and have and see enough red stuff.

Then I rejected red entirely. I didn't notice it at first, but thinking back, it's so obvious. I stopped wearing red. Sure when I got into high school and became that angsty teenager I wore fewer colours, more blacks and greys and browns, but red was still present from time to time. But at some point, I couldn't stand that colour anymore. When I moved out of my parents' house I visited a flat and when I got to the kitchen that was entirely painted red, even though the whole flat was great and in a good location, there was no way I could live there. But it hit me a couple months ago: I don't have many memories of high school, even less of secondary school, because I put it all away, 12-14 were the worst years of my (short) life and I hated almost every second of it. But I associated red so much with this period, that I couldn't stand the view of just a colour. High school was 6 years ago. I didn't have decorations or wear red clothes in 5 years.

In my first apartment, I decorated it in blues and green. My bedsheets were blue, I died my hair blue and green for almost a year. These two colours have followed me ever since. I started saying green was my favourite colour. I said I didn't like warm colours (fun fact: blue used to be considered a warm colour a few centuries ago). I used to say blue was the warmest colour before it was a thing. Blue felt safe, green felt like home, I needed those colours with me. Last year I painted my whole living room green with jungle décor.

But here's the thing: for the past couple of years, I've been obsessed with yellow. And not greeny kinds of yellow. I'm in love with deep warm ochres, mustard yellows and everything (and don't tell me about fashion and trend, I was into yellow before it was cool and six months later everything was yellow). Me??? Warm colours??? I didn't even notice it, at some point I must have bought a mustard sweatshirt and here I am now surrounding myself with yellow. Every time I see something yellow I'm like "ooh pretty" and then process that yeah it's yellow of course you think it's pretty. Sometimes I don't see it and my roommate has to tell me it's yellow and that's why you love it. I don't mind, I love loving yellow, that's a pretty colour. But it just happened... out of the blue? (see what I did there?) One day I wasn't like ugh warm colours and the next I was in love with yellow. Still didn't like red though. Well, sharp reds. I could do with dark, wine reds, purple reds. Not-so-warm reds. Orange was on thin fucking ice, had to be a very specific orange.

Remember my black and white and red room? I skipped a step there, in high school I repainted it in shades of brown, chocolate brown, taupe brown. Anyway. But last summer, I did it over again (that brown was so ugly omg I don't know how I put up with it for so long). With a dark blue wall. Because of course. But also yellow and orange decor. Yellow had been the main colour in my wardrobe for a year (so much so that I could go a whole week wearing yellow) (my friend called me Maya the Bee), but except for a plaid, yellow wasn't decoration material yet. But now yellow is starting to feel like me. Although I can't for the love of god imagine having a yellow wall. I don't know why, I just can't.

In the past few weeks, I've been thinking about redoing my room at my own place (yes I did the one at my parents' first but my place has a 4-meter tall ceiling so I can't just improvise, I need tools and a tall enough ladder) and I'm stuck with what colour scheme I want. Because do you know what colour I keep thinking about? Red and orange. Not like 4 red walls but. Red??? How am I even considering red??? And yet here I am. But a part of me is still like ugh no you don't like red and then the other part is trying to convince me that red is actually a pretty colour. And I'm just supposed to sit here and accept a colour that I rejected for almost a quarter of my life. That I've been rejecting for six (6) years. And it's so weird and I can't shake this feeling that red feels wrong.

But do you know what also happened in the last... 6 months maybe? I never talked this much about secondary school and high school and what I endured and lived during these years. Now that's just my two-bit psychology but. Maybe I've just started putting it all behind and liberating myself for the harassment and the pain and the self-hatred I suffered all those years ago. Maybe I'm healing a bit. And maybe red is starting to grow on me again.

#yes i'm supposed to be writing my thesis and not ranting about random thoughts on tumblr for 2 hours don't @ me #also still don't know what colour my room will be because i still feel kinda stuck rn and nothing seems obvious #i guess i'll figure it out when the wallpaper is down because this thing is u g l y #lil talk

5 notes · View notes

pretty-rad-arson-dad · 4 years ago

Text

Hey guys so, about the whole situation that had happened with me being fasley accused of being a pedo, I said I'd make a post telling our side of the story (cause this involves so much more than me and them) and involves about 10 other people.

Also, ahead of time, sorry if this is messy, I just really don't know how to make these kinds of posts to clear things up? Explaining things like this is not something I'm good at. I was also going to post this sooner, but stuff in my persona life happened, and I've also received threats from this person's friends if I tried to come forward with my side of the story (or more like made anymore posts about it, as there's already a whole call-out post about them on Instagram, which I'll be showing later). After some debate, I actually realized it would probably be best if I actually did, just to get a warning out, even though I know there's a chance this won't be recieved well cause this is fucking Tumblr... And again, I'm just trying to tell our side of the story and warn others so the same doesn't happen to them. Also because I do believe this guy might have a Tumblr account and might try to seek out more people to abuse. I sure as hell know one of his friends who helped stalk us have a Tumblr though.

So, the person making the accusations was someone who joined my discord server, and at the time of joining, he was saying that he was of age. Several members on the server can vouch for me when I say this. Of course, in regards to him telling us he was of age, this is apparently something he failed to mention when he decided to make that callout conveniently enough. I'm still unsure of what his actual age is, wether he actually lied to us about being an adult when he joined the server or if he was lying when he claimed to be a minor in his callout.

Anyways, sometime after he joined the server, he started to become a problem. Me, being an idiot and feeling bad for him, allowed his behavior to slide, though I didn't know the full extent of what he was doing til a bit later.

He would constantly talk about how he was being abused and we'd try and help him with advice, which he never really listened to, and if anyone on the server mentioned that they had done something fun or had a great time doing something that day, he'd go off and make us feel guilty for having fun, cause his at home life was shit and apparently if he wasn't happy, we couldn't be either. He actually tried to pull some shit while I was celebrating my birthday with my family. This kinda becomes a bit important later? Or at least the day becomes important later.

He's also known as kind of a pathological liar on the server, claiming that they one of the official FNAF artists (one who doesn't exist, btw), and start rumors about YouTubers and other people we liked, and whenever I'd ask for proof, they'd get all defensive. This itself isn't a big deal, except he also has the tendancy to start rumors that people are pedos if he gets into a heated argument with said person. It's actually happened when one of my friends said he didn't feel comfortable with people shipping things between adults and children. This caused a giant argument to erupt and I had to temporarily boot said friend from the server. At this time, my accuser then decided to make accusations that the friend of mine was a pedo because he... Didn't like people shipping adults and children.... Of course, we told him to cut the bullshit and stop causing rumors.

Now, keep in mind, they got upset over someone being grossed out by shipping adults and children.

This becomes a bit important later.

We ended up having a few other problems with them as time went on, them critizing other members AUs (well, more along the lines of bullying them for their AUs and projects), more guilt tripping and at one point, even bragging about pushing someone to suicide (at least that's what 2 of the other server members are telling me, I can't confirm this, as it seems it happened during a period I had no internet, and there's a good chance they might have deleted it, but do feel free to take this with a grain of salt).

Eventually, he actually ended up leaving the server for good because of Tupperbot. Adding the stupid bot was the second best decision I've ever made in regards to him, honesty.

However, for a lot of us, the main tipping point was the roleplays and private DMs.

He loved to roleplay some pretty fucked up shit with a lot of people on the server. We've actually had one member as young as 11 come forward and say he had tried to do shit with them too. Keep in mind, he told us he was an adult when he joined. He would love to roleplay all sorts of weird, incestous and pedophilic shit with us, and would force it on us out of the fucking blue. Another thing worth mentioning, me and a few others are victims of childhood sexual abuse and rape. He CONSTANTLY put this shit in most of the roleplays he did with no regard to how triggering it was for some of us. We never even got a warning or an ask if it was okay to have something like that put in a roleplay. Some members spoke to him about their discomfort involving the shit he was putting in the roleplays, but it was disregarded and he'd continue to do it. Some of us were even so scared to say anything about it, as we were afraid he'd lash out at us and threaten us, so we just put up with it.

Aside from the roleplays were the really weird direct messages he'd sometimes send. There were times someone would be venting (this would happen in the server as well) and he'd respond with that they had no reason to be upset and that he's been through much worse. There would also be times when someone would be feeling depressed, and he'd make these private little group chats to try and "intervene" by inviting a few of us in there with the said person. This would be fine on its own, but he always made it a point to invite one person that we've REPEATEDLY had to tell him not to invite. I'll call this person Wah, cause I don't want to cause them any more stress by exposing their account name. Wah was someone we've told him not to invite because she was, at the time, experiencing a lot of suicidal idealations and we were worried putting her in a situation like this where one of her friends was feeling like killing themselves and her having to help to talk them down would be the sort of thing to set her off into hurting herself. We obviously didn't want that, so we made it a rule not to ever get Wah involved. Accuser knew this and went and always invited Wah anyways. And would shrug it off whenever we'd go off and remind him of Wah's own mental health issues. There has also been at least one instance with them and another user, who was feeling suicidal. They mentioned they had been wanting to kill themselves and accuser went off about how if they killed themself, accuser would kill themself too. This obviously scared the shit out of this person and made them feel more awful.

And there of course, is the shit they did to me. They'd sometimes randomly flip out on me in my DMs out of literally fucking no where, and purposely trigger my PTSD.

There's more, but I can't remember all of it because just so much went on.

Anyways, sometime after they left the server, people began coming forward with their experiences with accuser, telling all that he'd been doing in DMs, and mentioning his prior behavior on the server. We started venting about the way he had been treating us in the vents chat because well, we figured if we couldn't try to talk to him about his behavior, at least we could vent amongst ourselves. Apparently he had actually made a few friends on the server and they let him know we were talking about him.

Fast forward to my birthday celebration and I'm getting DMs from him. They start our fine enough but eventually he suggests we start a thing where we mention one positive thing that's happened to us each day. Cool, a fine idea on it's own, but as I've mentioned above, he's had the tendancy to make us feel like shit for having anything cool and fun in our lives, so of course me, and a few other people who apparently had received the same message, were hesitant.

I left him on read to think about it and also because, again, I was celebrating my birthday and I was about to blow out the candles on my cake and open gifts.

I don't remember all of what went down, and I don't seem to have access to the Instagram DMs anymore since I have him blocked on there too, but eventually, I received a message of him flipping out because he knew about our vents. I believe I might have ended up calling him out and telling him exactly why we were doing it, but I can't remember. This happened back in May so the memory is a bit fuzzy and I don't have the DMs anymore.

All I know is that most of the members of the server decided to cut him off.

After that, he tried to tell Wah I wasn't who I seemed to be and attempted to ruin our friendship, made several accounts to stalk the Instagram accounts of serveral other of the server members and I, and then we ended up having to kick a few of their friends from the server cause they were starting to cause trouble.

Then there was silence for a bit.

And then there was the incident. They had gotten a (at the time former) friend of ours involved by lying and manipulating them into believing I was doing all sorts of nasty shit. The friend, who I'm going to call Pasta, ended up bringing that stuff over to Tumblr, unaware that they had been lied to. I'm not sure if it was Pasta who reached out to us, or if it was one of us who reached out to Pasta, but we ended up telling them what was going on, and somehow, accuser found out, and accused them of being a traitor and freaked out on them. They admitted that accuser was responsible and we ended up making up.

I've also since then had some of accusers former friends come to me and tell me about the call-out, further confirming that it was them who started all this as a way to try and get back at me.

And, since of course some obligatory proof is required, I shall provide these call-out posts with some screenshots. And you can even see in the comments we're far from the only ones who have dealt with them.

These aren't the only things from them, obviously, but considering the fact that we've all now got them blocked and some of us have even deleted the DMs (because tbh, most of us thought that cutting them off would be the last of it), this is what we currently have.

Anyways, thanks for reading this long ass mess. Hope y'all stay safe.

#drama #//pedophilia #//incest #//rape

53 notes · View notes

bizarrelovesquare · 4 years ago

Text

Hello, it’s Evie, and this is my new account!

brief explanation under the cut so I can get it off my chest, but it’s not required to read <3

I realized over the last several months that I did not like being perceived the way I was online, and that I have the power to just walk away and start over on a smaller scale and avoid anything I don’t want to be part of. In July, with no warning, I cleared out and abandoned/deactivated any accounts around the web that didn’t make me happy. All I have now are this, pinterest, ao3, and a new private twitter just for close friends.

Being online had come to feel like an expectation, no longer something for recreation, and most of it wasn’t fun. It honestly had been feeling that way for awhile, but I reached the last straw when I briefly got involved with a fandom on twitter (yuck) several months ago that was absolutely horrid. I realized what a mess it all really was, I finally snapped, and I got the hell away from everything and everyone.

It was easy to leave other sites because there was so much that I wanted to escape from--the hostility and toxicity, people’s dumbassery, the feeling of not being adequate enough as an artist, the pressure to get constant interaction, feeling like I was being watched all the time by hundreds to thousands of people who didn’t care about me as a person, etc. Social media was too much for my introvert self. However, I was on the fence about what I wanted to do with tumblr, so I sat on it for two months and mulled it over. I actually love this site because it’s mostly chill and has the best format, it’s creative, and it’s easy to avoid anything you don’t want to see, but I just didn’t love the baggage that I had on my old blog. I’d been on there since 2013 and had grown and changed a lot, particularly over the past year, and there was so much way back in there that didn’t represent who I’ve come to be, and it honestly made me feel stuck, even after I tried changing my url, giving that blog a makeover, and being more myself.

Several years ago, I spent an ungodly amount of time on this site trying to appeal to others, instead of letting myself just exist authentically and showcase all of my personality. I got fandom popular pretty early on, and for a long time, it made me feel like it was my duty to post about the things that got me popular and make original posts that my heart wasn’t even halfway into, worded in a way that would get notes. Keep in mind, I was younger and dumber when doing that and had nothing else going for me at that time (it was a low point in life). I definitely grew out of that mentality, but I couldn’t get away from all the posts I’d made that I no longer cared about that wouldn’t stop getting notes and the reputation I had developed for being known for a particular thing. I felt like there were too many followers who weren’t really there for me as a person or any other niche interests of mine, and it was really holding me back from just posting what I want and as much as I want, even after I quit caring and tried to just present as the real me. I knew it was my blog and it didn’t matter what others wanted, but I think the main thing was that I felt held back by my older ways of using tumblr, and I realized that I don’t want anything from that period of my life still attached to me. I didn’t know who I was back then, so I defined myself by an obsession. These days, I want people to see me as a whole person with a real life who just happens to also really like some things.

On top of that, again back when I was several years younger and at the lowest point of my life, I used to vent way too much about negative things in my personal life that don’t matter anymore, and even though I went through my archive and deleted them all, even though I know nobody else remembers them or is looking at them, I still knew that they happened, and I didn’t want that energy to keep following me. There was also evidence of ex-friendships and relationships I’m not proud of, ways I acted that I just don’t vibe with now, and just too much I remember that didn’t represent current-day me, and I want to actually break the connection to those memories. So with all of that, I decided I’d feel best to remake and start fresh. I got away from negative feelings everywhere else, so why not here, too? Any posts on the old blog that I love can eventually be reblogged over here. I’m going to curate a fresh new gallery of things I love, while feeling at peace about the whole thing.

My life is nothing like it was years ago. I’m actually happy with myself and my life and have been for nearly a year now. I know who I am now. I’ve healed/am healing from a lot of personal things. I have budding careers in everything I love and am working towards my dream life. I’m not ashamed of anything about myself. I still have bad days sometimes, but I don’t live in my misery. I like being positive and want to stay that way as much as possible.

I also never really let me show myself as a creator as much as I would have liked before, and I want to focus more on that from now on. As far as fan content goes, I’ve gotten back into writing fics and am no longer scared to share them. I’ve been working more on cosplay this year than I have in years. I also want to try to get into making gifs. Additionally, I am a writer (fiction and non), photographer, and aspiring designer in real life, so some original work might show up now and then, too, if it’s something I’m really proud of. I also want to post about mental health and recovery. My blog will still have plenty of fan content, but I want to sprinkle in some other things that are important to me as well.

I just want to be in a quiet peaceful corner among good people. Lately, I’ve realized that I want my life to be as lowkey as possible, both online and irl. I just want to vibe and do my thing for myself, surrounded by a few good friends. I learned way too late that fandoms are hell if you branch out too far, and that I also hate being in the spotlight, even in regards to things I create. I don’t exist for the consumption of others, and that’s such a freeing thing to realize. Anything I post/rb is solely because I want it on my blog; I don’t care what happens to it after I put it there. I post for me, I make my art for me (and sometimes my jobs), and if my friends enjoy it, and if I make new friends along the way, that’s awesome! But impressing everybody is just not a thing I can nor want to do anymore. You don’t have to run yourself ragged trying to spread yourself across the internet, whether as a fan or a creator. If a site was to disappear, what do all those likes and followers mean? Absolutely nothing. At the end of the day, all you have is you and how YOU feel about yourself, so spend your time on here (or anywhere, really) existing for you, first and foremost.

I’ve gone back to my very old internet days of not trying to impress anyone, while combining that mentality with the wisdom and sense of self that I’ve gained with age. Maybe you won’t be able to tell a difference, but I’m the one living in my head, and I definitely can tell that I’ve grown, a lot in my life has changed, and I am much more confident in myself, and I want to have a blog that 100% feels like me and has no bad associations attached. I’m not the first person to make a new account and won’t be the last. Things like this are supposed to mostly be FOR FUN, and too many people these days have gotten away from that. Don’t feel like you have to keep living up to some reputation that was built years ago, and don’t feel like you exist for others. Be yourself, embrace changes as you grow, do what’s comfortable and healthy for you and makes you happy, and the right people will like you for that. The most important of them being you. <3

#evie's diary

14 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''rise rebel resist'' by otep

2 notes · View notes

astrorising · 4 years ago

Text

i need to vent. a good and bad vent.

so i’ve always adored my MIL (mother in law). she’s that mom that calls her kids’ friends’ hers as well because she takes care of everyone. everyone is her baby under her eye. my mil is cool as shit....

until we worked together. she was unemployed for years but had lots of experience for a job in a certain field. my old job happened to be hiring and she got a job with me. not on the same shift, but i was happy she was finally accumulating money. shortly after, she started advancing because she was a good worker! she started her lead job and i was happy. she always fought for us co workers when something was wrong. she worked her ASS off and picked up ANY shift that wasn’t picked up. i admire her drive because at that time i was already burnt out. plus, overtime never shows up on my checks in america because it’s always taxed. fuck you, america! anyways, because i don’t work for free, i’ll admit i didn’t pick up open shifts too much. again, my overtime is taxed on my check and i wouldn’t see it, anyways. in this certain job field you burnout QUICKLY. by the work, low pay, drama, ALWAYS being short staffed.... i was TIRED.

at this time, a few of my co workers actually have told me my own mil was talking a lot of dirt on me. how i shouldn’t marry her son, i’m not right for him, i was lazy... which i’ll admit to the lazy at times, but not at work. especially not at work. for fuck sake, my capricorn sun, moon, and virgo rising would NEVER. but i ignored it because i thought, “she would never say that. she wanted us together from the beginning!” but sure shit, my co worker was so sick of all the bad talking about me. i don’t agree with what she did, but i know she did it with good intentions.

my co worker that worked with my mil recorded her conversation with another co worker that she was bffs with. let me tell you, it absolutely crushed me what she said about me. everything everyone was telling me was true, it was on the recording. i never thought i’d hear a grown woman say all these things about me, when she’s said the opposite to my face.

before the recording, we were all fairly distant and some of my co workers were super mean to the co worker that recorded. my mil manipulated all of us to complain about her to get her fired. granted this co worker i fully agree shouldn’t have been working at our job for other legal reasons, but the reason was for the recording. not because she was crossing actual lines at work.

the day she showed me the recordings was the day she got fired. even though we weren’t close, she wanted me to have a peace of mind and to know the truth.

i told my hubby about the recordings, but i didn’t tell him i actually heard them until last night. this happened over 2 years ago. i completely stopped talking to my mil and i don’t think we’ve even texted over the two years. i don’t associate with someone who doesn’t respect me, and that’s exactly what it is now. my husband had no idea that she said those things about me. hell, i kept this in for 2 years out of respect for him and my mil. there’s been events with my mil and his family that have shown him all these characteristics of my mil and he’s finally realizing his mom isn’t a saint. i told my husband what she said hurt me, but i’m not going to waste energy kissing someone’s ass, period. if they feel that way about me, then whatever. that’s their own issue.

what’s crazy is i still admire her. she’s changed my whole perspective on life, and was the one to open my mind about a lot of things. she’s taken in my brother for 6 years as her own, with no complaints. (my brother and my husband have been best friends for years, that’s how i met him.) she has very admirable qualities that i will respect until i hit the grave.

everytime i think of those recordings, i do get sad. i sucks to have your trust broken by someone who you respected so deeply and thought it was mutual. but, i’m that person to just distance myself. she’s shown how she feels about me, and i’m not one to try to change anyone’s mind. i won’t fight anyone to have them try to like me. in the end, my husband and i have the best relationship. for people our age, it’s pretty damn rare to have what we have. we rarely fight, but when we do, we always apologize and talk things through. even during a fight, my husband has NEVER called me any names. there’s never been any cuss words he’s slipped out at me, not even “bitch”. to be honest, i don’t even recall him telling me to shut up before. he is the best man i’ve ever been with, and i truly think he’s one of my soulmates (even the synastry charts point to it 😂).

the point of this is.. the dark always comes to light. it may take some time, but it always does. it sucks hearing all those nasty words come out of my mil’s mouth, but i know who i am. i know how i work. i see whats happening even when people don’t think i do. i’m not what she says i am. if i was, her son and i wouldn’t be doing as great as we are. i had so much respect for her and her son, i didn’t tell him any of this until the timing was right 2 years later. never said a bad thing about her, never degraded her. to me, that is strength. to be able to keep that in, make peace with it, and move on like it didn’t happen is strength. strength to not stoop so low and do it right back to her is strength. the strength to be able to move on in silence is my strength.

don’t ever kiss anyone’s ass to like you, my babies. even if it’s someone close. you know who you are, what you did, what you do... don’t let someone try to tell you otherwise. we will all come across people like this in our lifetimes. stand up for yourself when needed, but don’t let them know it affects you. that will make it known to those people, they’re pushing the right buttons to get what they want. some people function off toxic things, don’t ever feed into that fantasy. one day they will realize what they did in the moments they need someone the most. they will reflect on it deeply and regret it. trust me, i’ve made enough mistakes already to say this. i’m not an angel either, but i’m definitely not a lazy, dumb, entitled (??? wtf lmaooo), unworthy bitch. lots of peoples barks are louder than their actual bite. those people need attention and tlc the most. just remember that, my loves. 💕

#random rant #love u my babies ��

7 notes · View notes

fairycosmos · 4 years ago

Note

TRIGGER WARNING : I know you're not a psychiatrist tbh I just need to vent and I really like you so yea, I've come to the conclusion that I am what everyone thought I was which is a lazy little bitch using depression and suicidal thoughts as an excuse to be lazy I use to feel guilty but idc anymore it just shows there's no hope for me at all the only problem is I don't have the guts to shoot myself in the head and it's the last option I have Im sorry I just don't know who to turn to

hey dude. i’m sorry to hear you’re hurting so much right now. i know it’s a complex and personal issue that words alone can’t solve, but i still hope you’re open to some comfort, some alternative narratives to center your thoughts around. and idk just a few words from someone who can understand to an extent....i think first and foremost it’s a good idea to ask yourself, when you’re in the right state of mind to, where all of this self loathing is actually coming from. whether it’s grounded in anything substantial. it’s important to remember that a massive part of depression is feeling like you’re faking, over-exaggerating, using it as an excuse etc. i’ve heard a lot of people with mental illness echo the same sentiment. and the fact that you feel this way, so violently negatively towards yourself, indicates that you ARE struggling with a much deeper problem. but we’re taught to overlook it and to blame ourselves, partially due to society’s attitude regarding mental illness. in short we’re conditioned to feel like we’re lazy and worthless if we can’t produce labor and profit, or if something prevents us from doing so, but that’s merely a capitalist myth. those around you have internalized its message and are now projecting it onto you. but now that you recognize that fact, you can begin dismantling that belief system in your own head. cause in actuality, it’s got nothing to do with you or your value as a person. it’s the system that’s the issue, and the way it sees human life as nothing more than a means to an end, when people are so much more than that. you are so much more than that. you’re not here to constantly please everyone or to be some emotionless machine. so anyone who was judging you by that standard is fkn deluded and their opinion doesn’t hold much weight to begin with. then there’s also the stigma surrounding depression itself. people who’ve never experienced it don’t get how debilitating it is to live with. how it doesn’t just prevent people from working, how it prevents people from progressing in all areas of their lives when it’s left unacknowledged. which is why the answer isn’t to hurt yourself, it’s to admit to what hurts. this isn’t a matter of personal failure, or of laziness. it’s an illness, something that needs to be confronted head on with time, treatment, and self help in order to move beyond it. it’s just as serious as any physical ailment, but you don’t have to beg anyone to understand that. you’re going through so much just by getting through the day and the fact that you’re still here counts for so much. i promise, you are not your negative thoughts. your mind is just trying to get you to stay in the cycle of self hatred > self destruction > self hatred so that you feel more discouraged and less likely to seek the support you need, even though that could be the one thing that would break the repetitive pattern. idk who made you believe that you are this bad and unforgivable person but i hope you know that it is genuinely, truly possible to grow beyond that way of thinking. it may take time, and it may feel unreachable right now, but change is honestly constant especially if you seek it out. the way you see yourself in five years will not mirror the way you see yourself now, you know? this is all a process and as long as you’re getting through it, you’re doing so much better than you realize.

it’s ok to recognize all of that and to still feel like shit, to still feel like giving up sometimes. sadness, anger, pain - they’re exhausting and terrifying, but you don’t have to push those emotions away. though they don’t have to control all of your actions either. because they’re never as permanent as they feel. part of being suicidal is thinking in a black and white fashion, where everything has to be all or nothing. but it doesn’t. there’s a lot of nuance and a lot of different choices you can make, if you just breathe and keep yourself in a safe environment above all else. like i said, you’re living with an illness and bad days are a natural part of that. but having the tools to be able to cope with them in a healthy way could make all the difference. and that IS an option for you, even if you can’t see it right now. are you currently seeing a mental health professional? if not, i’d really really suggest looking into that before you make any permanent and heavy handed decisions about whether or not it’s worth it to stay alive. seriously, even if you’re unable to see a therapist at the moment - there are depression/suicide hotlines you can call who can help you with the next step, there may be support groups in your area, your doctor may be able to refer you to a counselor. you are capable of reaching out, as proven with this message, which is a really good sign. and building routines around personal self help and finding what works for you would be a step in the right direction, too. there is so much that can be done in terms of identifying what you feel the way you feel, relearning how to treat yourself, developing a support network over a period of time, opening up to make room to heal - it’s possible. i promise it is. it’s possible to live a full, stable life that you’re proud of despite having depression. if you have any trusted loved ones, now may also be a good time to talk to them about whats going on. i’m sure they want to have the chance to be there for you, and it’s alright to lean on them when you need it. you’re clearly in a very emotional state right now so i don’t blame you if you can’t bring yourself to believe me, but i hope it’s an idea you can keep revisiting. because really what my main point is, is that you deserve to stay alive regardless the fact that you’re dealing with a mental illness. i don’t want to sound cliche but it’s true that nothing would be the same without you, that you’re here for a reason (which you fulfill every day, just by being who you are) and that your presence is far more precious than you know. i’m sorry you were made to feel any different. you get this one life and i would really hate to see you do something you could regret over situations and feelings that can be helped. you are not beyond hope, you are not a lost cause. especially if you live your life as if you’re not. you still exist and that means there are a million different ways things could turn out, the future is ever changing. the present is all you need to worry about. it’s just another symptom of depression to catastrophize and picture everything ending in the worst case scenario, which is something that can also be helped with therapy/practicing mindfulness. anyway, i’m aware that this is getting super long and i’m going to leave some links that may be of some use to you in terms of follow up support, but i’m really begging you. no matter how awful you feel tonight, just allow yourself to breathe through it. cry through it. call someone if it all feels like too much. keep yourself away from anything you could use to harm yourself with. and then wake up tomorrow knowing you have the chance to try again, knowing that that is a good thing, knowing that this moment is not what your whole existence is going to look like. please, please call someone if you think you’re a danger to yourself. even if you have to pick up the phone on autopilot. you mean so much. im sending you a lot of love and hoping you find the self appreciation you deserve. if you ever need a friend please feel free to message me. you’re not on this alone.

https://faq.whatsapp.com/general/security-and-privacy/global-suicide-hotline-resources/

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm

https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/a-z/resource/50/suicide-coping-with-suicidal-thoughts

https://medium.com/@sameoldzen/finding-intrinsic-self-worth-in-a-capitalist-system-7069be072b5b

https://serenitymentalhealthcenters.com/31-coping-skills-for-depression/

#tw suicide #tw self harm #anon

12 notes · View notes

yesanotherimaneblog · 5 years ago

Text

Being Dustins sister headcanons: Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

You and Steve have been going strong for the whole year

Sadly even with your help he couldn’t get into any college

But you helped him get the job at Scoops

o You’re there everyday and Steve gives you free ice-cream

o And spends his lunch break making out with you at the back

At first you’re worried about Robin

o Steve seems to like her but you were in Mrs. Click’s class with them and remember Robin looking at him constantly

o Until one day you start noticing she likes talking to girls more than boys, and you see her checking out a girl one day

o That’s the end of your concerns

Robin keeps score of how many times Steve messes up because of you (its more than 6)

o Not that you do anything, Steve just tends to mess up when you smile at him

The kids no longer need babysitting but you see them often enough when they come to Scoops

You see El as well, though Mike is always there so it doesn’t allow you to teach her the things you want

o Like periods, and boys

You miss your brother too and can’t wait for him to come back

o He called a few times while he was at camp more often the first week and then less and less as time went on

Episode 1

You’re at Scoops waiting for Steve to finish up when the kids come

o Your mom decided (with a little persuasion from you) to sleep at the town near Dustins’ camp so they can leave first thing in the morning so you have the house all to yourself

o When the kids come you get up to greet them as Robin shouts for Steve

o Will and Max give you proper hugs, unlike Mike and Lucas who are “too old for that”

o You show them off with Steve, giving him a small kiss once they leave

You don’t give much thought to the power coming down, shaking your head at Steve and Robins exchange

You kick Steve out pretty early so the kids can come in and surprise Dustin, promising that you and Dustin will come see him at Scoops first thing the next day

o You find their whole idea sweet and help them plan it out

o Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned

o You tell Max how to help Lucas and hug your brother

o He shows you and the rest of the kids all his inventions and you cant help but feel proud

o When he mentions Suzie and the kid’s eyes go wide you smile

o Of course you knew about her as Dustin had told you all about her on the phone

You stay behind a little, letting Dustin catch up with his friends

o You roll your eyes at Mike and El but let them go

o Your brothers look and comment don’t go unnoticed by you

o Neither does Wills look so you put an arm around him and keep going

o He hesitates for a second and you see him reaching up to touch his neck

o You try to look thinking maybe something bit him but there’s nothing there so you ask if he’s ok

o He just nods and the two of you try to catch up to the others

o Neither of you notice the rats

You give Max and extra bottle of water you took just in case after seeing Lucas drink all their water

You help build Cerebro and are excited to talk to your brothers first girlfriend

o When she doesn’t answer you try to remain positive

o Maybe she was busy

o Maybe she wasn’t home

o Of course she’s real…

You feel even worse when the rest of the kids leave and try to hug your brother but he pushes you away

o You’re about to try and talk to him when a voice comes through

o You realize its Russian and exchange a look with Dustin

Episode 2

First thing the next day you drive Dustin to Starcourt and go straight to Scoops

o “Hey Robin, this is my brother Dusti”

o As you’re about to ask if Steve is here he comes out the back

o You step back and laugh as the two most important men in your life greet each other in the dorkiest way

o You let the two catch up for a while, helping Robin with costumers

o You’re there almost every day, so you’re like an unofficial employ by now

What you didn’t expect it to hear your brother almost scream about how he intercepted a Russian message

o You smile at the costumers and go to their table

o “Maybe we should have left that for when there are not hundreds of people around”

o They apologies and go hide in the back of the store

“Steve! Y/N!!”

o The three of you jump a little when Robin comes in

o You haven’t made any progress other than Steve recognizing the music in the background so Robins help is welcome to say the least

o Steve still hesitates but you kiss him and let him know it’s ok

o “You’re better with costumers anyway!”

o Robin looks offended at first but then she shrugs agreeing

You go out to tell Steve you translated the first sentence when you see El and Max

o You’re both happy and confused to see them together

o Most of all you’re worried about El being here

o You think about calling Hopper but decide against it, the girl needs to experience new things and hanging out with Max will surely help

o You hug them and see them off with a “Come find me if you need anything!”

o “I like the new look by the way!”

Steve takes your hand after locking up and the two of you walk behind Dustin and Robin

o “Y/N you’re buying into this?”

o “I mean… if it’s a Russian transmission it would make sense for it to be coded.”

o Suddenly he pulls you to a toy horse, letting go of your hand to look for quarters

o At first you don’t understand what he’s doing but then

o “It’s the same music!”

Steve offers to drive you and Dustin home but you came with your car and your mom will be pissed if you leave it at the mall

o You shoot Robin a pleading look

o She rolls her eyes but starts talking to Dustin about the code

o While they are talking you and Steve have a moment to say goodnight

Episode 3

While Steve and Dustin are off spying on people you once again help Robin at the store

o You wonder if they can make you an official employ

You hear yelling in the front while looking for some fruit at the back and go check it out

o Once Erica sees you she starts complaining

o “Erica, sweety, you can’t just come here every day and eat samples.”

o She again starts complaining and you try to bargain by offering her and her friends free ice cream if they promise no more samples for a month

o They refuse and ask for more sample

Later when the store gets a delivery Robin cracks the code and you go with her to the center of the Mall

o “Imperial Panda, right there!” You point out

o “Kaufman shoes,” she says and you turn to look at her

o Both of you turn to the clock in sink

o “When blue and yellow meet in the west”

The four of you stay behind after the mall closes to see what is going on

o You try to warn Dustin and Steve not to make noise but he Russians hear the bang

o You grab Steves’ hand and pull Dustin close to you

o Luckily they must have thought it was just thunder

Episode 4

You go with Dustin to scout the entrance the Russians are guarding while Steve and Robin open up the shop

o You try to talk to him about the party but he’s having none of it

o So you change the subject to Suzie who he happily talks about

“Babe, I’m sorry but have you ever actually won a fight?”

o “Okay that was one time!” He tries

o “Twice, Jonathan, year prior,” Dustin says and you nod

o “Listen, that doesn’t count.”

o “Why wouldn’t it count, cause it looks like he beat the shit out of you”

o You smile at that

o Listen you love Steve but he was an asshole back then

o And Jonathan is your childhood friend so of course you’re proud of him

Suddenly Robin stands up and goes to leave but you catch up to her

o “Where are you going?” Steve asks from behind you

o “To find us a way into that room. A safe way.”

o “I can drive you!” You offer

o Before she can turn you down you turn around at the boys

o “Behave!”

o You rush to your car and she explains her plan on the way to the county recorder’s office

You’re back in no time and explain to the boys

o “No collarbones remember?”

o “Uh, excuse me?”

o “He has ‘cleidocranial dysplasia’”

o “Yeah, he’s missing bones and stuff. He can bend like Gumbo”

o “You mean Gumby.”

o “I’m pretty sure it’s Gumbo.”

o Robin turns to you and you shrug whispering, “it’s Gumby”

o You hear the bell in the front and turn around only to see Erica

o Robin suddenly smiles and you realize what she’s thinking

o “Robin, no!”

o “Yes! Oh Erica, we have a proposition for you…”

You tap your foot the whole time Robin and Erica are talking

o “You know what this half-baked plan of yours sounds like to me? Child endangerment!”

o “You’re right! We don’t need you; we don’t need to put her in danger!”

o “Y/N” Dustin whisper yells

o “She’s right!”

o “Go help Steve!”

You pace back and forth while Erica is in the air vents

o Steve tries to calm you down but you can see he’s just as nervous as you are

o It isn’t until she’s opened the door that you relax a bit

“Um, maybe you guys should stand back.”

o You pull Dustin a little but he won’t move

o “No!”

o “Dustin, we don’t know what’s in there” you try to reason

o “No!”

o “Just step back, okay?” Steve also warns but Dustin still won’t move

o “No!”

o “Step back seriously!”

o “No! If you die, I die.”

o You gasp

o “Dustin…”

o Luckily neither of them dies

o But the room starts moving

....

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things headcanons #steve harrington #steve harrington headcanons #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x henderson #dustin henderson #henderson!reader #Headcanon

447 notes · View notes

spiffysixxsense · 5 years ago

Note

Hello annoying best friend here to fulfill my duty by asking you to answer all of the cute asks

angel; do you have a nickname?

not really. my name is already short and I don't have a prominent quality to nickname me after. The only person who refers to me as anything other than my name is my boyfriend, but I don't think “babe/baby” really counts as a nickname lol

awe; how old are you?

baby; favorite color?

dark teal (blue-green? I've never found a good name for my favorite color)

bloop; spirit animal?

so because I didn't have a good answer for this, I decided to google a quiz to find out, lol. My answer was a deer. here's why;

When you have the deer as spirit animal, you are highly sensitive and have a strong intuition. By affinity with this animal, you have the power to deal with challenges with grace. You master the art of being both determined and gentle in your approach.

The deer totem wisdom imparts those with a special connection with this animal with the ability to be vigilant, move quickly, and trust their instincts to get out the trickiest situations

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

i don't really have a favorite book, i don't read much outside of school (I wish i did)

movie: A Beautiful Mind

song: oh dear lord i cannot pick just one, but all-time favorite band of mine is Shinedown

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

a little stuffed dog that looked like Kipper from the TV show, I still have him :)

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

lmao what came to mind was when i pledged to never drink, smoke, or say bad words. two out of fucking three ain't bad i guess.

bright; mermaids or fairies?

(honestly neither but) fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

given the asker, i would say yes :) also i am lame and my boyfriend is also my best friend

buttercup; showers or baths?

S H O W E R S. hate baths!

butterfly; dream destination?

I've never had a huge desire to travel honestly. like sure i could say Italy or Greece look beautiful, but the actual act of traveling overseas really stresses me out lol. so i would have to say more like upper midwest, like Maine, in the fall time for all the pretty trees.

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

i am neither

calm; favorite scent?

anything fruity - pineapple, mango, berries, apples. at least in terms of what candles i like lol.

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i do not remember anything from last night - the last dream i remember involved my boyfriend, dad and i being lost up north lol

charming; have you ever been in love?

currently

cozy; eye/hair color?

hazel / brunette

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the 1970′s for the fashion

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

love me a good succulent

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

well this last birthday was amidst quarantine, so I got some candles and granola (my boyfriend knows me well lol)

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

i have no idea? what an odd question? probably some stuffed animal?

cutsie; what makes you happy?

picnics, alone time, my boyfriend, my cat choosing to cuddle with me.

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

I really cant think of a time I've ever felt truly free. maybe when i drove myself to school earlier this year & didn't have to wait for someone to pick me up?

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

as a light in others lives. happy, bubbly. things i currently am not

daylight; favorite album of all time?

gosh these dang music questions. well, Nickelback - All the Right Reasons was the first album i ever bought myself. then maybe Shinedown - The Sound of Madness (i cant pick one OKAY)

dear; zodiac sign?

Taurus

delightful; concerts or museums?

concerts

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes? this question makes me feel old, lol.

dobby; dream job?

criminologist. some way to be reducing the mass incarceration rate in the US.

doll; how do you like to dress?

comfy, v necks and leggings. As i have gotten older i have slowly wanted to be more feminine i think, because i really want some sundresses for summer lol

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

one! when i was 12ish, i swear i saw a reflection of a uniformed man (like old school soldier uniform - blue blazer with gold cufflinks) behind me in the glass of my snakes tank at the time. it was weird because the only reason i even looked that way was because my snake started shaking his tail against the glass, something that corn snakes do when they are scared, but also something that in his entire life had never done unprompted ever.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

want yes, have no

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

100%. no way we are alone in this universe

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

he makes my days so much better :)

fairy; do you have a pet?

I have one little old kitty :)

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

to vacation, ocean. to live, mountain

forever; where do you feel time stop?

the secretary of state? lol

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

I've never owned a plant lol

garden; how many languages do you know?

one :(

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

@cy-ne-fin

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

sepia photography/old books that have yellowed into sepia. or fresh greenery on white marble.

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

i don't really get any anymore, but as long as they are nice or just questions/venting, im down. don't be offended if i never answer though, for some reason i never get Tumblr notifications lol

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

im compassionate

im empathetic (which is similar but im struggling to get to 5 lol)

im goal-oriented

im determined (once i have said goal. again, related lol)

i guess i like my lips/lip shape

heart; silk or lace?

lace

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

tea. iced, black or green really, with sugar.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

bird watching because it means i am probably alone and in nature as opposed to somewhere in a crowd of people. and i wont feel creepy for watching the birds lol

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

white noise, a fan running. if that's not enough, i enjoy asmr. if i am really struggling/having anxiety, i will look up sleep stories from the headspace app on youtube (life hack to not have to pay for the app lol)

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

to be outside, i enjoy just warm enough to be comfy in pants and a t-shirt (so like 65F-ish) and sunny.To be inside, i love when it is cooler (like 50F?) and raining. I love the look, sound, and smell of rain but it is usually just inconvenient to be in.

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

well now all days are the same for me, #quarantine, so the same thing i do every day, just about nothing, lol

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i guess laugh loudly because i am a loud person in general. i have a deep voice

kinky; do you blush easily?

i don't think so, my embarrassment turns into sweat, not blush, lmao

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

i guess being proposed to someday? but i don't have a certain dream way of it happening, just the fact that its happening is enough for me lol. id enjoy if someone (cough Elle or also maybe Michael lol) were secretly filming and/or taking photos of it? I am not sure how you'd manage that though

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

late at night when everything is quiet

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

old school three days grace (one-x album in particular)

love; what is your favorite season and why?

i always gravitate to fall for the leaves and pumpkin patches. but honestly, i think my favorite season is spring. i love the newly budding trees and flowers, the feeling of renewal, the release from the horrible Michigan winter lol, but most importantly, spring time for my whole life as of yet has always meant that school is over for the semester! as opposed to the fall when the semester starts. this is very long winded but spring final answer lol

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

I've never had a macaron and blue moon ice cream

magic; what are five flaws you have?

ooooo boy

im short tempered/angry too much

im unmotivated (which is confusing maybe because i said i am determined earlier. you see, once i HAVE a goal i feel determined to finish it. but i am unmotivated to create said goals, lol)

im nonconfrontational to a fault where i always put others’ feelings before my own

i let fear of change stop me from ever taking risks/ am anxious

i am stubborn and sometimes have a hard time admitting i am wrong

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

this depends - screw pastels. warm neutrals for makeup purposes, but cool darks for aesthetic or decor purposes

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

someone who feels like home. I am not entirely sure how else to explain that. you just feel peace and content with them.

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

something that allows you to only be with your date - so like a picnic or hike or just a walk even. my boyfriend and i liked to walk around in the fall for me to take pictures of leaves while he played pokemon go (man i miss the pokemon go summer and i have never even PLAYED it, it was just so fun to be with him while he played)

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

on youtube usually

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. if your family is toxic for whatever reason, you do not owe them your time strictly because they are family.

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook, im not super into sweets & i want to enjoy the final product

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

normal? like its legible but its not pretty or cute

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

no:( wish i could play bass or drums

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

i don't :)

i really don't have an answer other than solving whatever is stressing me out, lol. i wish i had more mechanisms to calm me down but nothing i have tried has ever really worked

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

you know these favorites questions are hard for me lol. right now, i am loving watermelon, but i also love most fruits. kiwis! vegetable, i feel like i have to say potato lol

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

lol the last thing i read had to be some academic text, so that's boring

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

meeting Alex i guess, it changes my whole life path to have someone you want to do life with

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

quarantine? lol

shine; art or music?

music is art.

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

i think so. Elle’s dog griffin loves me for some reason lol

smitten; do you collect anything?

not really

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

jolly ranchers

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

nope

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

nope

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

headphones

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

Spongebob probably. unless we are talking like really tiny, toddler age, then Winnie the pooh

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

i live in a 2 bedroom apartment, there arent any spots. lol. my bed i guess

soothe; digital or vinyl?

i mean digital for convenience but vinyl for aesthetic

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

i mean the only person i really actively miss ever is Alex. @cy-ne-fin sometimes, but i have also grown used to living away from each other

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyalty, honesty, & humor

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

if i must pick, practical.

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

absolutely not. i feel like a burden with my feelings even though i shouldn't

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

honestly not really. am on the fence still about ever having any

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

not really

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

i am as average as they come man, nothing is unique about me lol

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

like a background friend? like i am not very social, so we do not have to talk every day to be friends. so like im here if you need me, but i enjoy alone time.

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

the way my boyfriend looks at me, & as i was working on this my cat came to cuddle, which i gave as an answer earlier before he jumped up here :)

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owlllllll

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

the power to heal those who are hurting (including myself)

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home home home home

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

not anymore, i did in high school/early college years. not I've stopped caring

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

messy? kinda in the middle really.

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

my state, sure. my city in particular is definitely pretty boring

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

I've never seen one :(

2 notes · View notes

slouchyslouch · 5 years ago

Text

My 2010s in Records.

10. My Bloody Valentine — mbv

Wrote about mbv on a separate piece.

9. Earl Sweatshirt — Some Rap Songs

Earl Sweatshirt’s Some Rap Songs is a record of mending and therapy. At the beginning of the decade, rap fans saw the 16 year old prodigy create the most technical and distinctive raps unheard of at that time. Yes, a lot of it was jarring and immature, but the potential was there. While debut mixtape EARL was a teaser and an introduction to his greatness, Doris was his reclamation to the rap game after a period of silence in Samoa. I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t Go Outside in turn spoke for itself. Its morose disposition then made its way onto Some Rap Songs; not quite his masterpiece, but an accomplished period piece nonetheless. As one of the most highly acclaimed rappers in the world today, Earl spills his guts out on this diaristic tape about his relationship with his father and the emotional exhaustion coming from trying to amend it. On “Red Water,” he repeats the same 8 bars on loop as if caught in a recurring dream. “Papa called me chief / gotta keep it brief / locked and loaded I can see you lyin’ through your teeth” he raps in a fugue state, as if coming to the realization that his father was only there for those momentary times of convenience. It’s always difficult to write something that includes family and loved ones. There’s a sense of vulnerability you have to divulge in as well as a catharsis that fulfills one’s desire to let go of one’s agony. The beats on Some Rap Songs run on loose kaleidoscopic loops, production that Earl has mastered rapping over as his idiosyncrasies in his bars do best when complementing them. Thanks to the influence of his buddies Mike and Medhane, he’s learned to channel his eccentric flows onto those beats. “Riot” closes the record with the sentimental instrumental sampling jazz legend, and uncle, Hugh Masekela. It’s feels like a proper ending to Earl’s chronicle, but the events that have transpired will always be apart of his life. At the end of it all, Some Rap Songs will remain forever a tombstone of his anguish.

8. The Spirit of the Beehive — Hypnic Jerks

There’s no other dream pop record this decade that could top this almost-perfect album. The hushed vocalizations of Zach Schwartz and Rivka Ravede offer a quiet intimacy in the dreamscape that is Hypnic Jerks. The title in itself lends to the idea of being half asleep and half awake — to be in an altered state where the real and surreal are just two sides of the same coin. Tracks like “poly swim” and “it’s gonna find you” entrance you into that state of unconscious, while tracks like “can i receive the contact?” and “hypnic jerks” make an effort to wake you up from the sublime. Field recordings filter in and out between tracks, as if you were hallucinating the whole time. It’s when “nail i couldn’t bite” and “(without you) in my pocket” play out that you realize it doesn’t matter what state you lie in. Their lucid pop constructions reward repeated listens to the point of obsession in a somnambulant state. The record’s lack of acclaim only makes it feel like you’re in on a hidden secret. To this day, I am completely spellbound to its sorcery and have yet to unlock its mysteries.

7. Iceage — New Brigade

Back in elementary school, I listened to a lot of pop punk; the kind that was rapturously melodic yet cheesily done and overproduced (Think Blink 182 or All Time Low). Until I listened to New Brigade, I didn’t even realize what true punk music actually sounded like. Iceage was just fucking cool to me. Sure, they had the aesthetic, depicting bloody mosh pits and macabre rune art, but it was truly the music that broke into my spirit, shattering what I thought punk sounded like back in the day. I’d read pieces about their notorious live shows where they would play rapid 15-minute sets in the sunless recesses of Denmark, which only added to the band’s mystique. Upon listening to their debut, I felt musically fulfilled like never before. No more of the whiny, drawn out vocals from pop punk bands. Frontman Elias Bender Rønnenfelt had the kind of angsty drawl similar to Nick Cave’s when he played with The Birthday Party which offered a kind of obscene yet confident instability to his performance. Johan Surrballe Wieth and Jakob Tvilling Pless’s guitars have just the right amount of filth in them — an abrasive attack on your soul while Dan Kjær Nielsen’s drums are played propulsively in classic hardcore fashion — never meant decelerate. The record didn’t offer the tightest instrumental, but that was the point. Iceage have gone on to release tighter and more spectacular punk records consistently over the decade but their debut broke the ceiling of what to me punk could, and should, sound like. From the cathartic breakdown of “White Rune” to the triumphant “You’re Blessed,” New Brigade was the record that gave me that spark, the one that carried me to rotting heights.

6. Frank Ocean — Channel Orange

Channel Orange will always be a classic to my generation. From Grammy-nominated “Thinking’ Bout You” to the sweet and charming “Forrest Gump,” we surf through Frank’s psyche in smooth and effortless RnB. Frank Ocean’s vivid universe is one of vibrant summers and distant getaways. Its colourful motifs paint a pretty picture for us — pink skies, monks in moshpits, peaches and mangos, roofs of mansions, palm trees and pools, Majin Buu. Most people I know around my age know the lyrics to most of its tracks. They’re as infectious as any classic from the past decade. I still remember listening to “Sweet Life” by the beach with a friend before attending his concert on his first tour. Everything felt right in the world when he sang “so why see the world when you got the beach” as the waves crashed over the sand and the summer heat glistened over the ocean. During its release, he opened up to the world to reveal his love for another man in an affectionate Tumblr post. It gave us an appreciation into an artist’s vulnerable identity while breaking the door open for other artists to come out in their own way. Frank later released his masterpiece in Blonde/Endless and a plethora of brilliant singles from his radio show, but the stories and music from Channel Orange will remain forever timeless.

5. Solange — A Seat at the Table

“Fall in your ways / so you can crumble / fall in your ways / so you can wake up and rise” sings Solange, on the introduction to her restorative album A Seat at the Table. They’re words I try to tell myself in times of darkness. Solange just has that ability to let anybody express themselves through her music, to meditate on life’s injustices and pitfalls. It’s okay to be mad; it’s okay to rest and take care of yourself as much as you need to. We just have to rely on each other to get back into the fight. It feels like a lot of my favourite records from the past decade are imbued with themes of darkness and isolation. Fortunately, I still have Solange to let myself vent out those frustrations. Whether it’s the strings on the beginning of “Cranes in the Sky” that remind me to slow down or the horns projected behind Master P’s stoic orations that fuel my determination to keep afloat, A Seat at the Table plays like an instruction manual for self-care, black empowerment, and righteous activism. It’s consoling to know that I’m not alone in distracting myself from everything that’s wrong with the world today. 2016 was such an appropriate time for this record to be released. Solange gave us hope, grace, stoicism, and the ability to heal and recharge. A Seat at the Table may be a personal record to Solange, but as she sings on “F.U.B.U.,” this shit is for us.

4. Chance the Rapper — Acid Rap

It’s odd to say that my favourite rap record of the decade comes in the form of pop rap album Acid Rap. In making this list, I thought about the obvious greats in My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy or Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City. In the end, Chance’s second mixtape brought me more joy than any of those records did. It gave me the cringiest but most pleasurable musical moments with the homies singing along to tracks like “Cocoa Butter Kisses” and “Pusha Man.” Releasing it independently and as a free download, Chance’s spoken-word idiosyncrasies reveal themselves as classic pop rap gems by the end of the decade. Chance’s whole thing was just about pure positivity and having fun. The era of albums I could compare to it was during the release of Kanye’s College Dropout and Late Registration, a time when Kanye (sort of) envisioned the anti-stereotype in rappers, countering the machismo and toxic masculinity found in a lot of hip-hop now and back then (RIP old Kanye). Chance didn’t care about getting bitches or getting money. He just wanted to do drugs with his friends — to trip out on acid and go on a spiritual journey with all of us. Hidden beneath the positivity, Chance still creeps in a dash of realism and humanity on tracks like “Paranoia,” illustrating the life of gang-banging in his hometown of Chicago. It’s the earnestness in his raps that always pulls me back, the flourishes of piano when he raps “I lean back then spark my shit / I turn up I talk my shit / hope you love all my shit / I hope you love all my shit / IGH.” It turns out, as he declares on the outro, Everything’s Good.

3. Alex G — DSU

On DSU, time stops. The cult of Alex G is now cemented in indie rock lore at the end of the decade with eight albums full of hooks, dreams, and shattered spirits. DSU was the first record I listened to by Alex G, and remains my favourite by his despite him going on to release better conceptual records in Rocket and House of Sugar. No track can be skipped or listened to passively. With most of them springing under the 2–3 minute mark, ideas flow in and out without direction but coalesce into an impressionistic and breathtaking work of art. Hints of Elliott Smith and Isaac Brock echo in the duality of harsh guitar distortion and melodious pop hooks. Guitar feedback never felt so comforting as it colours the magnificence of Alex G’s composition. There’s a kind of deep melancholy in each track despite the ambiguous surrealism lyrics, a perfect winter record to listen to alone in your room or walk through the piles of snow in the night. Its murky yet lush production somehow reaches out to you, helps you drown in its depths and remain there for its 37 minutes. Whether it’s “Skipper” fully attuning you to its hushed presence, or the entrancing opener of “After Ur Gone,” I just feel like I want to close my eyes and immerse myself in there for as long as it allows me to.

2. Frank Ocean — Blonde

Frank Ocean’s Blonde arrived as a gift from the heavens. For five years, my friends and I have joked and memed about when the new Frank was coming out — whether it was even ever going to come out. Years after its release, it has evolved into the masterpiece that I’ve always wanted him to create. When Endless came out, I felt somewhat disappointed at the material — although later served as the perfect complement to Blonde — because of its lack of sensual pieces similar to those on Channel Orange’s effortless RnB and the latter record’s penchant for easy sing-alongs. Blonde in turn revealed a similar mood: the spacious vapour that fogged up behind Ocean’s intimate croon, the volatility in his voice that permeated your soul — it felt like an emotional load that was difficult to bare, yet something necessary that had to be experienced. I was just getting into my first intimate relationship when Blonde came out, and it’s made me realize how much I wanted to make that person happy, and that I couldn’t take any relationship I had for granted. I felt heavy after listening to this record. The sadboi hours memes ring true to its emotional weight. I would flutter to the arpeggios of “Ivy” as Frank sings “I thought that I was dreamin’ when you said you love me,” bop to the duality of “Nights,” and shed a tear to the wistfulness of “Godspeed.” I wonder how much shit Frank had to go through to even get any of these songs on tape. It’s okay. I like to think think that by the end of it all, Blonde was the catharsis he needed to spill his heart out.

1. Tame Impala — Lonerism

At the end of the decade, seeing Kevin Parker as one of the most highly-touted producers and songwriters in pop music would be an observation if you had asked me a decade ago, when Tame Impala’s first record Innerspeaker — an expansive work of art that recalled 60’s guitar psychedelia — first came out. On Lonerism, Parker’s music evolved into something even more seismic and innovative in scope. As the name suggests, Lonerism is a product of disaffection, self-defeat, and isolation. I’d imagine it was as fulfilling to other music fans of a type to detach from the world and just get lost in another’s. There’s a part on “Keep on Lying” where an endless guitar solo is played in the midst of a dinner party being played out; that feeling of getting dragged to a party when you were just a kid but just wanted to pop your headphones on and refuse to interact with anybody. According to Parker, he put in the sample to make the listener feel even more alienated. It’s a powerful feeling that lets anyone listening to the record in on that vulnerable sensation. In spite of that, tracks like “Apocalypse Dreams” and “Elephant” still give us astonishing psych rock bangers while pop gems “Music to Walk Home By” and “Feels like We Only Go Backwards” demonstrate Parker’s guitar pedal gymnastics over vibrant hooks. Although Currents has skyrocketed him into the fame and acclaim that he undoubtedly deserves, this record will always be his opus in my heart. I’ve daydreamed enough times to the music where its world has settled into my subconscious. It’s a world that comes from genius, but it’s also a world that invites you in to escape from the idea of Lonerism itself, to have something shared with you in solitude.

#top 10 albums #tame impala #frank ocean #alex g #chance the rapper #solange #iceage #the spirit of the beehive #My Bloody Valentine #album review #lists #earl sweatshirt

11 notes · View notes

whats-the-story-tc · 5 years ago

Text

27th of February, 2020

"The One with a Pretty Wilde Walk"

I started Oscar Wilde's The Happy Prince and Other Tales this morning, having found it on my shelf, and decided to give it a try. I read The Happy Prince while I was outside in the corridor during first period, trying to time it so I'd finish it when V comes by. She ran late, and I read the story too early. Still, we met eyes a couple minutes later, her look being initially really sharp, but, if my eyes didn't fail me (which they might have), it softened a little when she saw me smile at her. Instant serotonin charge.

After second period, I had ten minutes to waste before rehearsal, and I just so happened to bump into her on the stairs again. I waited until she put her phone away to catch up to her, but then, a running little boy bumped into her as he was hurrying downstairs. And that was my que from the universe. I went for it.

"Kids these days..." I told her, finally catching up. Take this with a pinch of salt, as I might not have seen it correctly and I don't want to overthink it, but I saw her expression change when she saw it was me talking. She looked... relieved, in a way. Probably because she knew she didn't have to hold back with me, and she could say whatever complaint came to her mind.

And she did. She told me this story I don't really remember that well anymore, of this young kid jumping on a senior's back and kicking them in the head in the process, and also said something along the lines of school not being a playground to just run around in. Woah there, love, fed up much?

"Looking for anyone, babydoll?" she asks me, probably once she realises she shouldn't be venting to me so vehemently, and I felt very awkward. I didn't have class that way around, I wasn't gonna try and find anyone, I just came all the way so we didn't have to stop talking. I found it best to confess that to her right out, so I did.

My thoughts jumped back to The Happy Prince, pulling my uniform pocket down a little, and how I spent a whole class starting to flesh out the text and the characters and try to find the different metaphors and symbolism in it once I was done with it. "Am I a maniac for analysing texts in my free time?" I asked her as we reached the glass door, because I really wanted to know what she'd say.

"No." she responded immediately, stopping in her tracks. It was a bit of a surprise, as I didn't expect her to say this outright. "What are you reading?" I pulled out the book, and gave it to her, rambling about how I only just started it and how I analysed Onegin the same way, while she read my unfinished notes.

She was smiling the whole way through, this small, pleased smile, like she was proud of me. I like to think she is. And she has no idea just how much it means.

"Very good. I completely agree with you." she gave the book back, and, as she walked off, she turned back to me, giving me a smile and a thumbs up before she disappeared behind the glass door.

I met a friend of mine after, and only then, as we were walking back to the other wing, did I realise what she said to me. Looking for anyone, babydoll? This sentence echoed in my head over and over, and this instant surge of happiness and surprise overcame me. She always called me by my name up until now, never a nickname. And now she just goes ahead and says this? Christ.

I must admit — babydoll is not a direct translation, though I might have said this when I first used it in a post. I just use it so it makes sense in the context. The direct translation of the word is actually "my baby". I think now you get why I freaked out so much.

Again, I must point out: in the culture I come from, there is absolutely nothing weird or suggestive about this, so don't freak out. It's fine.

Now I'm home and thinking. Thinking about her strong, impulsive reactions lately, what with the Tuesday incident and today's complaints, I think I'm starting to see her for who she is, every side of her. Maybe, just maybe, I'm leaving the rose-coloured lenses behind, and the fog is rising. La vie en rose no more. And this is a good sign. If I can learn to see both the good and the bad and still love her, chances are good that this won't end like last time I've been in love. But I'm still scared that, however unintentionally, V will end up breaking my heart. We'll see how it goes.

I don't know if I'll post tomorrow, since I will be away and we won't meet, but there might just be a short story from last year that I could share. I'll see how I'll feel about it tomorrow.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

4 notes · View notes

machonachos · 6 years ago

Note

Tf happened between y'all???

Around September of last year, a few months after I had started talking to Sara, Jin began getting weirdly possessive of her. There’s more to it on Sara’s end, but I’m just gonna talk about what I personally saw and felt during this whole ordeal.

Before she had even moved here, she started hounding Sara about feeling “left out” and how she felt bad because Sara was spending more time with me. And that’s not a problem in and of itself. Sometimes when someone gets a new friend that you don’t know, you get a little insecure. I understand that. I reached out to her during that time, trying to be friends, trying to find any common ground so that we could talk too. Did it make a difference? Nope. Instead she started getting more and more demanding of Sara’s time. If Sara didn’t message her every day, multiple times a day, then Sara or I would receive a guilt-trippy message about how lonely she felt and how she had no one to talk to (which btw, was very untrue since she suddenly has all these friends coming out of the woodwork). It was incredibly stressful for us over here bc it seemed like no matter how much we tried to balance school/work/errands and talking to Jin, it was never enough for her. Even when we explained exactly what we were doing on the daily (ex: cleaning the garage, going the vet, exams and deadlines), she would still try and make us feel bad about not being able to message her. With Jin it’s always, “I understand, but–” And you wanna know what it always boiled down to? Her feelings being more important than ours.

We figured maybe it’d be better when she moved here because then it’d be easier to talk and we could actually go out and do things together. That was not the case. Up until now, she had been making vague posts about feeling sad and whatnot that we felt were related to the situation with us but we were ignoring them in favor of starting fresh. You wanna know what she did like the day after she got here? Another vague post. So obviously we knew she was writing about us. But it was early in the move, so an adjustment period is to be expected. She’d told Sara that she didn’t have a place to put her computer, so we wanted to do something nice for her and went halfies on a dresser/desk that we then hand-sanded and painted ourselves. Lotta money and weeks of effort went into making that gift for her. Did it make a difference? Nope. She was still complaining about us excluding her to other people.

We soon found out that it didn’t matter how hard we tried to make her feel welcome and included. I would try very hard to keep conversations going with the three of us but it was like pulling teeth. Jin always seemed disengaged and would give me very little to go off. Still, we tried. And yet, it was little more than a week after she had moved here when things got real bad. I remember the three of us were on the couch (she had this really bad habit of physically jamming herself between me and Sara whenever we were in the living room, would always end up partially sitting on my leg and forcing me to move away), just sitting and watching a vine compilation. No one was talking, Sara was working on a drawing and I was doing homework. And yet she still stormed off into her room because we weren’t talking to her like what??? We were busy! Like she could literally see with her own two eyes that we were busy but didn’t seem to matter, all that mattered was that we weren’t paying attention to her. She ended up sending me a message saying that she wanted to talk, so I went into the room and let her vent. I tried to comfort her, tried suggesting maybe we all do something with our characters together like an AU and that seemed to cheer her up. When we came out of the room to tell Sara, she was gone. After that, I didn’t see Sara for two entire days. She locked herself in her room for two whole days, because the whole atmosphere in the house with Jin was that bad. It’s not my place to talk about what Sara did in the time she was locked in her room, but understand this: when I say this situation caused people pain, I mean it. Y’all wanna know just how bad it was? Sara has mentioned to me that this whole thing with Jin was eerily similar to her relationship with her abusive mother. And you wanna know the real kicker? When confronted with this information, Jin literally admitted that she knew she was doing a lot of the same toxic things that Sara’s mom does!

This sort of emotional manipulation from Jin went on for months. Sara and I would try and talk to each other, only to have Jin sit there looking sad in an effort to make us feel bad. It got to the point that whenever she would come out of her room, Sara and I would just stop talking to each other altogether. And before anyone asks, “well why didn’t you tell her how you felt”, here’s the thing– WE DID. We had a series of house meeting where we would try to bring up all our concerns and issues but whenever we would tell Jin that something she was doing was hurting us, she would just blame it on depression (which Sara and I both struggle with and/or take medication for!) and then proceed to not change a single thing.

But because the wrongdoings here extend beyond just our personal relationship with her and are way too much for just one ask, I’m gonna summarize some of the many other things she did while she was here:

- Didn’t pay a single month of rent in the four months she lived here- Spent all her money on video games and con stuff in the first two weeks of living here so we ended up having to buy everything for her including groceries, meals when we went out, cat food, cat litter, etc.- Would use things like Sara’s makeup and my mugs without asking, take communal things into her room so we could never find them or use them- Continued to make “vague” posts that clearly alluded to living here with us and badmouth us to other people even while we tried to make her happy- Would pull Sara’s boyfriend aside just to complain about us while we were LITERALLY in the other room- Would constantly touch Sara and I even though we’d clearly stated that we didn’t like being touched- Only started looking for a job months after she had moved here and had been living for free and not contributing- Bailed on us during the con when she had promised that she was gonna help us run the booth- Since she only cared about characters, we tried to create a new story line that could include her but instead she just pulled Chris aside on Christmas to complain about us- Was never thankful for all the things we did for her, including: paying for housing and food, paying for her cat’s things, paying for her therapy, paying for bus rides and giving her rides to and from places, any gifts we got her, taking her to Disney Springs for something only she wanted to do. God, she didn’t even really look happy when Sara made those Sinner and Lucy body pillows. There was just no pleasing her. Nothing we did was ever good enough.

#the trash talks #jintaru

92 notes · View notes

sleepy-summoner · 5 years ago

Text

dirsteh (summoner)/silas supports c-s

here are the dirlas summoner supports! they continue off of the FB conversations :^)

i’ve also had the a and s supports done for a while, but all the new summoner content inspired me to finish the others!

(this is also self-indulgent as hell but w/e)

C Support

S: Did you need me for something, Dirsteh?

D: Yeah! Remember how I said I was going to help you find your strengths? Well, that starts today! I was going to introduce you to the squad, and then we’re going out for a little training. While you guys get your exercise, it should give me a feel for how you are in combat. Does that sound good to you?

S: Uh, wow... Y-yeah, that sounds great.

D: ...Is something the matter?

S: No, not at all! I’m surprised you have a plan so quickly.

D: Hah! Well, I’ve done the same kinda thing with most of the Heroes here, so you could say I’ve had some practice.

D: Anyway, lemme introduce you to the crew. First, we have Ephraim! He’s the prince of Renais from the continent of Magvel.

E: Nice to meet you. *grins* Hope I can get a good sparring match out of you!

D: Eph, you just met the guy and you already want to fight him? *sighes and shakes head as Ephraim shrugs*

D: Next, this is Reinhardt! He’s a general of Friege from the continent of Jugdral. He’s equally skilled with magic and swords...but I asked him to use his sword today to add some balance to the team.

R: *nods curtly* A pleasure, Sir Silas.

D: And lastly, we have Gunnthrá, the eldest princess of Nifl. She’ll be supporting us with her really cool magic! (Heh, “cool”...)

G: *smiles gently* It is very nice to meet you, Sir Silas. I look forward to working together with you.

S: *bows* It is my honor to meet all of you. I’m very eager to work with you all, and I hope I can pull my weight.

D: *pats Silas on the back* Oh, you don’t have to worry about that! I’m sure you’ll do fine.

D: With that out of the way, let’s saddle up and head out!

—

D: So...how’d the first day go?

S: Really well! It’s interesting to see how people of other worlds fight compared to what I’ve learned as a knight of Nohr. I’m definitely learning a lot!

S: That Prince Ephraim though... He’s amazing! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone take out so many people so quickly!

D: Yeah, Eph is pretty good! He’s one of the strongest we have in the Order, so I trust him to take care of a lot of things on the battlefield. I poked fun at him before, but I would definitely recommend that you take him up on his offer! You could absolutely learn a ton from sparring with him.

S: Will do. I’m excited to see how much I can improve from training with other Heroes!

D: I’m happy to hear that! As for me, from today’s training I think I’ve got a better idea of your abilities in combat. It might take me a bit longer to come up with a definite plan for you, but it shouldn’t take too long!

S: Sounds good to me. I can’t thank you enough for all your help, Dirsteh. At the very least, I promise to work my hardest to be a knight you can be proud to have in your service!

D: Oh, don’t sweat it too much! You’re doing a fine enough job as it is.

D: Anyway, good work today! I’ll call on you whenever I need you for some more training.

S: *salutes/bows* Of course.

[Dirsteh and Silas have reached support rank C.]

B Support

S: You wanted to see me, Dirsteh?

D: Oh! Hi Silas! Yes, I think I’ve figured out your role for this army!

S: Is that right? Well, lay it on me.

D: So I had a hunch the first few times we went out training and even back when went looking for tea leaves with Alfonse. I talked with the others and they pretty much confirmed my suspicions. Eph tells me that in your spars with him that while you may not exactly match him in physical strength, he has a hard time getting past your defenses. Rein and Gunn also note that you’re very protective, often taking hits meant for them. On the other hand, you seem to struggle with defending against magic-users and dragons, but I do have a few ideas on how we could improve on that.

D: In all, I think you could work really well as a protector to pull others out of danger, and maybe even draw out enemies with your good defensive capabilities!

D: ...Phew, that was a lot. So, what do you think?

S: *mouth agape* ...

D: Oh God, I broke Silas. Are you OK? I’m so sorry, I dumped all of that on you so quickly...

S: I’m fine! It’s just...you figured out all of that in such a short period of time? You’re incredible, Dirsteh, you know that?

D: *blushes* Oh! Well... *looks away bashfully* Like I said, I’ve done this before, so it’s nothing too special, but thank you...

D: You’re the one who’s been working so diligently this whole time, though! So if there’s anyone who’s incredible, it’s you.

S: Y-you really think so?

D: *smiles brightly* Yes! Ever since you were summoned, you’ve been one of the hardest workers in the Order of Heroes. I’m super proud of how far you’ve come.

S: *blushes and rubs back of neck* Goodness...that really means a lot coming from you. Thank you.

D: Of course! Also...there is something else. I’ve also...uh, been thinking of rewarding you for all your hard work.

S: A reward?

D: Yep! Anything you want from me! Like a new weapon or whatever, or anything you want to do.

S: Well... *ponders for a few seconds* How about we go on a picnic together? I’d love to see the scenery around Askr outside the context of a battlefield.

D: Huh? A picnic?

S: Is something wrong? I can try to think of something else if you want.

D: No, you’re fine! I just didn’t expect that as your answer. A picnic sounds great, actually! Next time I’m free, we can go. *grins* I call bringing dessert!

S: Haha, of course! Whatever you want to make.

D: *claps hands excitedly* It’s a da—uh, I mean... We have plans, then! This is going to be so much fun—I can’t wait!

[Dirsteh and Silas have reached support rank B.]

A Support

S: Dirsteh, you didn’t tell me you were a baker! These are amazing!

D: Oh! Well, thank you! I used to bake a lot for my family back in my world. But lately I haven’t had the time to bake, so I’m glad I haven’t lost my touch.

D: You’re a pretty good cook yourself! The food you made was delicious!

S: Really? *rubs back of neck sheepishly* Ah, well... I don’t consider myself a great chef by any means, but I’m happy you enjoyed it.

D: Maybe a little too much... *sprawls out on the blanket and groans* Ugh, I think I ate so much, I might get the itis.

S: *also lays down and faces Dirsteh* “Itis”? What’s that?

D: Oh, it’s a term from my world. It’s just that sleepy feeling you get after eating a big meal.

S: I see...

S: ...

S: Dirsteh, I’m curious. What’s your world like?

D: My world? Hmm... Where do I even start?

D: Well, first off, it’s way more advanced than Askr. Like...hundreds of years more advanced.

S: H-hundreds of years?

D: Yep! We have buildings that can be over a hundred floors tall, metal cars we can drive without the help of animals, water that flows with the turn of a knob...

S: Whoa... That sounds amazing!

D: Yeah, it’s pretty convenient! I definitely took it for granted before I was summoned to this world. Honestly, thinking about it now, I still miss some of that stuff from my world.

S: Oh. I’m sorry. It really must have been hard for you to adjust.

D: *waves hand dismissively* It’s OK. It was difficult at first, but I think I’ve gotten used to it for the most part.

D: Though...the thing that was the hardest for me to get used to was being constantly at war.

S: Are there no wars in your world?

D: There are, but they either happened in the past or they’re far away from where I live. I’ve only really known peace, so suddenly being summoned and thrust in the middle of a war was...a challenge for me, to say the least. I was just a nobody studying medicine, and now I command an entire army! All this responsibility stresses the hell out of me, and sometimes I still feel out of place here!

D: ...Oh! Sorry, you just wanted to hear about my world and I started venting...

S: No, no, it’s OK! I had no idea you were under this much stress...

D: Yeah, well... As the Order of Heroes’ tactician, I feel like I should be this confident, level-headed leader, so I try my best to hide it. I don’t really want anybody to worry themselves over me.

S: Dirsteh... Everybody here cares about you and your wellbeing, myself included. You may be our tactician, but you’re also a person. You shouldn’t feel like you have to bottle up your real feelings to be a strong leader.

S: In fact, if I may... I think you’re the strongest of us all. We come from worlds that are similar to this one, so there’s not too much that we had to adjust to. But you... You had to adjust the most out of all of us, and I think you’ve done an amazing job. You’ve led the Order to so many victories, you’ve saved entire kingdoms from ruin, and you’ve helped a lot of people here, even someone like me. So please don’t feel like you aren’t already a good leader.

D: *wipes corners of eyes and nods* ...Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thank you for that.

D: Heh... This is kinda a reversal from before, huh? It’s almost like the pep talk I gave you when we were looking for those tea leaves.

S: Speaking of, do you remember what I said around that time? I said that I wanted us to be the kind of friends that can talk about anything.

S: Now, would you consider us friends?

D: Wha... You’re so silly, Silas. Of course I do!

S: *holds up hands defensively* Just wanted to make sure! Anyways, I meant what I said. If you ever have any worries, feel free to vent them to me. Or if you ever need advice, ask, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.

D: That’s so sweet of you! But I can’t let you shoulder all of the burden! So the same goes for me.

S: Haha, of course. Now...is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

D: Hmm... Oh yeah! So my family...

[Dirsteh and Silas have reached support rank A.]

S Support

S: *sigh*

D: (Oh, there’s Silas. Though he seems a little worked up... I should make sure he’s all right before we head out.)

S: ...

D: Hey Silas!

S: GAAAH!

D: Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.

S: I-it’s OK, Dirsteh. What did you need?

D: I was just going to let you know that we’re about to head out in a little bit for a mission from Commander Anna. I’ve already let the others in the team know, so they should be at the stables getting ready right now. Though...are you OK? You seem a little jumpy.

S: Y-yes, I’m fine. I was just lost in my thoughts, that’s all.

D: You sure?

S: *wordlessly nods*

D: Um...OK. Well, lemme just walk you to the stables and I’ll explain our mission along the way.

—

D: ...Anyway, it’s just a simple scouting mission. Nothing too hard, I think.

S: Right...

D: Well, I’ll leave you to prepare. Meet me at the castle gate when all four of you are ready!

[Dirsteh leaves. Silas stares at her as she departs.]

S: *sigh*

G: So have you told her yet?

S: O-oh! Hello, Princess Gunnthrá. W-what do you mean?

G: Heehee, don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about.

S: ...Is it really that obvious?

G: Quite.

S: *sigh* Typical of me to fall in love at first sight and take weeks to realize it. Though I worry that she doesn’t have the same feelings for me...

G: You realize that she is not obligated to reciprocate, correct?

S: Of course she isn’t! If things don’t work out, I at least want us to stay friends. I’m just worried that it’ll make things awkward between us.

G: *smiles knowingly* ...Well, I would not fret too much over it.

S: Why do you say that?

G: Perhaps just as obvious as your feelings is her favoring of you. I believe it would be worth it to at least let your feelings out. It will be much better than letting those worries fester within you and cause even more problems.

S: ...Yeah, I think you’re right. How should I do it, then?

G: I think something private would be a good start.

S: Hmm... We did go on a picnic a little while back. It was pretty secluded and we talked a lot... I think I could ask her on another picnic and tell her my feelings there.

G: It seems you have a plan, then.

S: *sigh* I feel so much better about this. Thank you so much for talking this out with me, Princess Gunnthrá!

G: *smiles gently* It is my pleasure, Sir Silas. Remember that we’ll be here to support you.

—

D: Thanks again for inviting me out on another picnic! It’s nice to wind down a bit especially with all the crazy stuff going on right now.

D: Though you didn’t have to make everything by yourself, you know! I could have taken some of it off your hands.

S: It's all right! I figured you already had enough to worry about. Anything to make your life even a bit easier.

D: That's so sweet. Thank you.

S: Of course.

[The two sit in silence. The air is so thick that a blade could cut through it.]

S: ...Say, Dirsteh. Do you remember the first time we met?

D: Hmm... Oh yeah! You were with Princess Laegjarn when we stormed the temple to stop Surtr from performing the Rite of Flames. I wandered too close to the front lines, and you almost skewered me but Grima knocked you flat.

S: *grimaces* ...That sounds about right.

D: ...But before that you stopped yourself. Why? You had the perfect opportunity to take out the enemy tactician.

S: Well... As I was charging, I caught a glimpse of your face under your hood. And...you looked like Corrin.

D: What? Last I checked I didn't have silver hair or red eyes.

S: No, the Corrin from my world. She doesn't look like any of the Corrins you've summoned to Askr. She looks more like you.

D: Huh, that’s strange. But with so many worlds and timelines I suppose anything is possible.

S: *nods* In the end, I just couldn't bring myself to hurt someone who looked like my best friend.

D: Hmm... Interesting. So I guess that's also why you seem a bit awkward hanging around the Corrins here.

S: ...Y-yes, that too. I think it also made me want to get to know you better and become friends. I hadn't seen Corrin in years, and I thought it would be the closest thing to meeting her again. I’ll admit, I might have been...projecting a little.

D: I'll say! But still... I'm really grateful for our friendship.

S: Me too. Which is why I hope the next thing I say won't ruin it.

D: ...What do you mean?

S: Dirsteh, I...

[Silas takes a deep breath and takes one of Dirsteh's hands into his own.]

S: At first, I was drawn to you because you looked so much like my friend. But...the more I got to know you, the more I saw how kind and compassionate you are. You care so much about everyone in this army, even someone as plain as me. When we’re together, my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest, and when we’re apart, my mind only thinks about you. That’s why I...

D: ...

S: I think I'm in love with you.

D: What?! Y-you're...

[Blushing, Dirsteh falls silent and looks downward. After a while, Silas speaks.]

S: *gently* Dirsteh? It's all right if you don't feel the same. I know someone like you is way out of my league. I just wanted to get my feelings out before they started eating away at me.

D: N-no, it's not that. It's just... Are you sure this is how you really feel? This isn't the summoning contract speaking for you, right?

S: *nods earnestly* Yes, I’m sure. I've been in love with you since I first saw you, before you properly summoned me.

D: I-I see.

[Dirsteh absentmindedly rubs Silas's hand with her thumb.]

D: Sorry about that. I just, um...have a difficult time believing that anyone would actually be in love with me. In my world, when you look like me, you don't exactly have people lining up to date you. Even when I was younger, some people treated going out with me as a joke.

S: Dirsteh... I'm sorry you had to go through that.

D: *shakes head* It's OK. Over time, I kind of gave up on romance and just focused on my studies. I still would have crushes, but...I never acted on them because I thought that there was no way they would like me back.

D: But you... You said you love me?

D: Because I...I'm in love with you too.

S: Y-you are?

D: *nods* Ever since we went with Alfonse and the others to find those tea leaves. You were so sweet and earnest, I think I just...fell in love. You're also pretty cute, so that helped a bit. [Dirsteh laughs lightly as Silas blushes.] But you seemed so determined to be friends that I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of that.

S: Really? I was the same way. I knew I was projecting and I felt so guilty about my desire for something more.

D: I’m just glad you confessed when you did because it’s been eating away at me too.

S: *laughs incredulously* Well, how do you like that... Does this mean we can be a couple?

D: Heehee, you're so silly, Silas. Do you even have to ask?

[The two laugh as they embrace each other.]

[Dirsteh and Silas have reached support rank S.]

Confession Quote:

"To the Order of Heroes, you are the Summoner, wielder of the Breidablik and our revered tactician. But to me, you're so much more. I love you, and I am honored to be your partner in this life. On my honor, I promise to stay by your side for as long as you will have me."

#text #fire emblem heroes #silas #summoner oc #fe summoner #summoner dirsteh

5 notes · View notes