#i relapsed this year but I've been clean for like 4 months i think

[treemice]

I know teen girls are stereotyped to self diagnose with all kinds of personality disorders ("OMG I'm so bipolar" kind of vibe) but do they actually do that? And when they do do they actually believe that they have it? I'm asking this AS a teen kind-of-girl

Because on one hand if they actually believe it I'd understand because idk estrogen makes me gen feel like I'm going fucking insane sometimes. I'm not really a mentally healthy person, I'm prone to depressive episodes and I've been passively suicidal for most of my life, I've had OCD since I was like 7 and I've struggled with SH, so maybe it's just my autism brain thinking that everyone's being literal about that. But idk I've felt like... like a danger to myself before just on the basis of "I'm not normally in this good of a mood, my blood feels like it's dancing, if I jumped off the school balcony i bet I'd survive" and while I know that that's not true and I'd DIE i feel like i have 2 brains, the irrational emotional one, and the logical "you will die don't be a dumbass"/"you're being paranoid relax" one. And when I'm feeling irrational I get scared because I dont feel like i can trust myself to not do something dangerous.

But on the other if they don't mean it its caused me to think a lot of "phases" is normal. Like I was actively suicidal when I was 12 and when i watched a movie about a 12 year old girl that was depressed and a doctor said "being 12 is just one of those ages" I assumed it meant that being suicidal was a normal part of growing up and it'd go away in time.

[olive-wines-thin-vines]

2024-2025 round up for me so far

Gained a bunch of weight around Christmas and felt horrible spent months dieting on and off from January to July when I cut myself and became obsessed with losing weight again and moved in with my boyfriend because CPS got called on my mom I was subjected to complete isolation for two months I was left alone all day everyday and I was cleaning and cooking while no one spoke to me or cared for me I was all alone I lived in my boyfriend's house and he still jerked off instead of asking me because I'm so revolting to look at. I lost a few lbs then gained it back and left school to be with my boyfriend I lost my college opportunity and had to get my first job I got my first job and moved out of my boyfriend's house back home with my parents and got screwed over by my first job got offered a new job and got excited and then I work two shifts a week at a job I barely make enough money to buy toiletries and I have to pay for my boyfriend's date night biweekly which comes to about 3/4 of my paychecks. I got accepted into school to finish my highschool so I'm now going back to school to finish it while working a late night shift crappy job my boyfriend started smoking weed in July and is now obsessed with it and has to do it very often and I hate it so I picked up a bad habit of smoking I now am addicted to smoking cigarettes I'm more depressed than I've been in two years and not a single person knows I was almost fired from my job and left alone the entire time to deal with it while I screamed into the phone begging my boyfriend to come to my house to help me but he was playing video games on his couch and didn't wanna move so I hung up after apologizing and sat alone and relapsed in self harm I'm starving myself again to feel something and I want my best friend back who left in May of 2024 I lost the best friend I'd ever had and I don't know how to cope I have no friends at all like litterally none my phone is empty all i have is my boyfriend and he cant handle me every friend ive made has left because of some reason with my boyfriend and im all aline most of the days and the days im not im taking care of him I don't want to live anymore i see girls i went to school with studying in univsersity and a few are singers now really good ones ive always wanted to be a singer since i was a kid i will never have that and I dont think this world is worth the pain it takes to enjoy any of it.

[dear3st-dead-diary]

Dearest dead diary

Its 8:15 am as of this line, today I woke up at 4:55 a.m. I had a beautiful dream, we built a ship for space that looked like something from star wars, it was kind of like halo 2 in terms of plot, we made contact with the elite, the ship we made clipped perfectly onto their ship and then transformed to a new landing pad. I also dreamped of wheeling my sister around in a wagon through the snow when she was 9. She's turning 22 this year.

I drive a camper with a new friend I'd made, away from a campsite, the last thing I remember was crying, wondering how we were ever going to see our friends again.

I woke up and my immediate thought was "Oh no I cannot start this day off with grief" but here we are. I am grieving, I had a memory of a windmill, one in hadn't seen in 20 years, I don't know if it's even still standing, I candles remember. A few tornados rolled over the property when I was young and I can't remember if that windmill still stood afterwards. I feel like it did but someone might have torn it down decades ago.

I haven't been to that property since i was seven. The last time I was there was to retrieve my mother's cat. My dad's father screamed at him for "stealing his cat" and was always abusive to me and my mother. He's done a 180 And in 2025 he's become a sincerely decent person. I never hated the guy, I always kind of looked up to him (that's an understatement) so much so I never recognized the signs of abuse.

I still think foundly of him.

Im also grieving the first house my parents ever lived in with me, after the two years of my grandparents raising me, my parents took my in again. That house, and the neighboring house which have been in our family for atleast 3 generations no longer stand due to wild fires and extreme vandalism.

I grieve for a home that no longer stands full of people who no longer live.

My friends from high-school have gone on to either move to Japan or become Rockstars. My ex is now a famous drag star touring the world.

I don't want to be famous, I just want to perform.

I've attempted suicide 4 times the first week of January. I decided to sober up after the psychward was full and I got tired of waiting. My boyfriend left me alone for a week while I had to detox by myself; to be honest I didn't know if he was comming back.

We celebrated our 3 year anniversary last week with the best sex he's had in weeks.

We've been together for 3 years now officially, however.. I still feel that someday we won't love each other anymore. I will always love him.

I have been cutting back my use of prescribed benzos, it's been seven days that I've cut my daily dose in half, the effects of withdrawal suck but they worsen after ten days, especially in cases of long term use, with mine being Eight Years.

After all the drugs I've relapsed on last year and had to come down from; the withdrawal of benzos feels like nothing. I have had to detox myself at home from Cocaine, MDMA, other random substances i can't remember.

I did shrooms every weekend alone for a month, honestly the experience was really healing in terms of body positively and self image.

I've gone through alcohol detox and alcohol induced psychosis 30 times from December 2023 till January of this year, by this point i can clean a house while detoxing like nothings wrong. That scares me. The level of insanity that happens when someone detoxes the first time alone is enough to keep them sober, but not me.

Im trying to see if I can go 30 or 31 days sober, and if there's cravings don't kill me then... perhaps I will be able to hold this addiction by the neck. Ironically I hate being drunk, I hate the effects of liqour. But I love drinking, and I love the burn.

It takes roughly 19-20 shots of rum for me to get drunk, even while on medication that increases the effects of liqour. And that's concerning.

My tolerance for substances is concerning because that's how people die of overdoses, eventually you take too much to feel it's effects and.. thats it. Thats your last breath.

I've been slowly cleaning my house again, from top to bottom. After a year of battling addiction and finally staying sober for three weeks, it's fitting that I finally pick up where I left off in 2023.

I gained 60 pounds, I feel mixed feeling about it; but I'd rather not be as skinny as I was before, wasting away to be thin at me height and bone density? It's terrifying to he honest. I looked so cunt being skinny but holy smokes was that ever unhealthy. Plus I have a huge ass now and I love it.

Once work picks up again I'll probably slim down a but, mostly tone and shape from the labor but that's to be expected.

I also broke the nose of the man who slept with me while I was under the influence and gave him a HUGE lecture on Consent.

He's been very well behaved since then and he knows I'll do it again if he hadn't learned his lesson.

This gs are weird between me and him. For obvious reasons. But I actually taught him a lesson in the most literal sense. I hate how common this happens where I live. Even more that the people who do it are often the ones signing our checks and providing shelter and resources.

I don't fuck with the court systems and prisons should be abolished. The worse thing to do imo is to let the person live with what they've done. Thats a hard lesson I learned young when my childhood abuser died and hundreds of people showed up to his wake.

The same person who violates your heart can be the same person who mends the broken lives of a thousand others.

Atleast now I get a choice. I'm strong, and i can fight off anyone.

So I broke his nose and in tern he socked me but I didn't feel it, it felt kind of good to be honest.

The people who've abused me are now scared of my capabilities.

And its not as good of a feeling as you'd think it is. There truly is no justice, not even revenge. A mirror is forever fractured. But you can grow accustomed to its angles, and avoid its shards. You can wear gloves and shoes so you don't get stabbed by its pieces. I'm doing myself justice, I hate that I'm advocating for my own abusers but honestly.. as I watch these people add value to the lives of others, and even are willing and wanting to never repeat what mistakes they've made.. I realize they're only bad to me, if I so choice to view them that way. To the ones who love them they're angels.

I hate that I might be alone in this but if I can lecture them into change and it has actually worked; I'll take the abuse if need be but they will by my hands learn their lesson.

I never thought I'd be the ones in the corner having their backs.

Im not perfect and I've made grave mistakes in my life, but I have to live with myself. So be it.

If I can forgive them, maybe never forget, then perhaps it will save them from a dark path I've seen repeatedly through those who've hurt me. Those who in turn, took their own lives. I don't blame them, it's hard to live after that experience, I'm not a victim, just afflicted. But I'll wield those afflictions to bring change.

Some people never change but I wield power over them as I'm living proof of thier guilt and shame. And one moment of my own torment does not define their entire being. The sooner I let go of that view the sooner we all can move on; and I don't have to let the pain define me.

I live in the scars and open wounds; where healing always takes place, where I have the choice to let it fade, or base my existence on dreadful experience. And I choose to move on. Especially since a broken nose is pretty impactful for persuasion. And even as hard it may be to face, these people are human, and even they deserve someone in their corner. Even if it's the victim.

With that being said I've grown closer with alot more people, and if after what they've did; are able to make the 180 change. Thay does show character.

No one where I live is okay, no one here is stable, not one single person. I've lived all over this place. The Psychiopaths I've met just need some guidance, the psychopaths I've met just need direction. I've earned to an extent their respect in the psychwards. And I don't use those words lightly I mean clinically diagnosed people; fuck pop psychology I'm talking about the real shit.

I've removed my presence from most socails and won't return. I need to heal and thats what I'm doing.

Lockdown changed the people of this place and their addictions for the worse. This is the worse its been here since the 1940s. I'm living in the substance abuse Capitol of the the country, so imagine how bad it was before lockdown. Multiply that by 3 or 5 and.. here we are.

This place doesn't let you leave se easily either. Run by drugs, violence, bigotry. And yet some of the kindest most genuine people I've ever met are from here. I strive to be like them. We've taking in so many refugees and they're just trying to navigate this broken system like the rest of us.

I wish more people would realize that. Atleast I have enough self defense I should be fine if I get jumped. Knowing these people play dirty around these parts.

Regardless, I'm gonna die my hair again, go hang out with some friends and try to keep myself alive and striving forward.

Here's to poverty and hopefully to an escape from this part of the country, there's kindness everywhere, and i myself will stay kind.

Your mentally ill blogger,

-н

[rorys-letters]

Entry 1 !!

I wanted to start making a Digital diary so this is it!!! it was supposed to be a daily thing but whateverr

This is rly long so sorry abt that </3

cw: talk of sh, depression, su1cidal thoughts

i though i would do these entries like daily and its the tenth so i guess not but even so i thin its better this way, its less pressure yk. Anyways it has been ROUGH out here it rly is a struggle but whateverrr.I don't really know how i'm supposed to do this but i gues ill figure it out eventually. okay so i've been trying to get clean for like at least four-ish months i think, and its been so hard and ive always known it was a problem but yk with addiction yo always think you have it under control, even when you don't and I think i realised it was a genuine problem not bc it was sh but bc i couldnt stop for a day and i think that like woke me up kinda, and two weeks ago i was on winter break right and it was so lonley and i hated it soo much bc it was busy and i felt useless as if i hadn't been in an episode since decemeber, and on new years it was like as bed as it gets usually, and i felt like that until like the 3rd or 4th, and obviously i sh bc how else am i gonna cope if i wasn't getting clean, then on the 5th i guess things were really put into perspective and i tried to get clean like properly, and every single time i try to do that its always hardest in the first 3 days-ish, then it gets easier, then harder again depending on period, naturally i relapsed on the 7th, and since then its been hard again, bc im trying so hard not to and it makes me feel ugly and i hate it when people see them because it always gets so awkward, esp worse if don't know them bc the last thing i need is for another person to know, i think i've only told like 4 people about it and i only talk to two of them regularly, not even about sh, or anything abt my depression which isn't healthy ik but what's a girl to do if she's emotionally avoidant. Anyway i had a close call on the 9th and I'm really scared she saw the c*ts bc thats not fun even though i'd been trying to minimise scarring which worked pretty well since they're quite faint for 1 week but at the time they were still scabbed. And now that they're faint I can't help byt want to cut again. and it feels so useless staying clean bc I'm almost always reliant on something to self-medicated, sometimes I stop eating, sometimes i sh, and sometimes i drink rly obscene amounts of caffeine, and if im not doing any of those consistently im stuck in an episode which i am in one anyway but they make it easier yk. I think recently I've been really sensitive, more so than usual, my mom told me to wake up and i started crying about how badly i wanted to sleep, even though I know that she means well, and my english teacher said something about how relying on something to help you feel better (it was like shopping addictions an whatnot) makes the person week, which only made me feel worse because I'm trying SO HARD just to be normal, and not do something so basic and its so hard and saying something alot less worse than sh is weak then what is sh to her, obviously i wouldn't confind in her but knowing that someone could see me as weak is like gut-wrenching in a sense and i'm not quite sure why.

i started hating talking to ppl and week-ends make me feel worse about everything, my grades are fine but i know they could be better, and it reminds me of how i've had people tell me i have so much potential (around december while i was in an episode) and i was doing so bad mentally at the time it only made me feel worse, because i don't need you telling me i've got so much potential if you don't even know how hard everything feels, let alone know how much I want to die but 'm still dong work, and passing classes. I think at the time I would always think about how much I needed to be dead, and by the week before the break i didn't think i'd reach the end of it, by the beginning of the break I was convinced I wouldn't make it to new-years, then I didn't think i'd make it to attend school, and i felt so ashamed when i came back because how am i supposed to tell my teachers that i was so su1cidal i didn't think it would matter if i did my homeworks, and i sometimes wish i told them that, it would make so many things easier, I wouldn't have to tell my mom that i want to die because that's just cruel, i wouldn't have to tell my friends bout it, and maybe school work would get easier.

When it gets bad like this. i always watch "It's Kind of a Funny Story" because I feel i need to be locked-up, like the thoughts are so consuming I can't take it, even if i'm not institutionalised i need to be medicated i don't care about side-effects, i don't care about reliance, sh is sm worse than controlled meds, and the worst part is my psychiatrist might have been genuinely considering giving me anti-depressants, but my mom is worried about the side-effects. I stopped going to her because i dreaded it so much, it only made me feel worse because we never really talked how i wanted, i was scared yes, but i think it could've gone so much better if she focused on the depression side, bc she said i had mdd (clinical depression) and gad (anxiety), but she only focused on the gad part of it, and she had me see why my thoughts are irrational, but i knew that they were, i knew that they weren't true my problem is that i wanted to k1ill myself. whatever

I think something that scares me a lot is the effects of prolonged depression on the brain, i think knowing what happens chemically helps me understand better but i only end up feeling worse, i know that memory is heavily impacted, and i've been so scared of forgetting, but i already did, i couldn't tell you what happened most of my life, i just can't remember a lot, and i don't remember well anymore, it takes so much longer and it makes it so much harder to keep up.

I also read that it impacts neural connections, like how neurons work to connect to each other in the brain, which is essentially like critical thinking and making connections to new ideas, and i find that really scary, like r u seriously telling me i'm so depressed i physically can't think right? what the hell!

Also I think i feel really guilty for being depressed because i don't know why i am, i know i have no reason to be and i'm so thankful for the life i have, i guess i just don't know why i'm not dead, like this isn't me but i'm alive and i feel like i'm useless, i'm not helping anyone by being here and i don';t want to be here either so why can't i go?

A lot of the time when i feel like this i listen to Part of the Band by the 1975 and i don't know why but it helps me feel something, sometimes i feel worse and other times better, but i just watched it and its a mix of both, sometimes i wish i wasn't so messed up for no reason. I feel like i'm rotting from the inside out, im decaying infornt of my own eyes and no one can do anything about it, not even myself, especially not myself. It feels futile trying to get better because i have nothing to live for, i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. I', just so tired all the time, and im so pissy its frustrating and unfair of me because people only want to help and i hate taht i won't let them, even when it's what i want most. I'm so like lethargic at this point and it can't be normal. I think what i hate most is people not taking me seriously, or misunderstanding me, it makes it harder for me to reach out. and i feel like i lost all of my communication skills because i feel so much and i just can't articulate it, i don't know if it's me deteriorating or if these feelings are indescribable. I really hope writing this make it easier, i just might but i don't know anymore.

jan 10 2025

-rory

[mosspapi]

Vent post feel free to ignore me lmao (TW for long discussion of sh, blood mention)

Honestly I'm so upset with myself rn. Like. I knew I was being unrealistic by telling myself I'd be able to stay clean for the entire summer immediately after I was doing it every single day for 8 months straight. That just wasn't gonna happen and I knew that when I set the goal. But it felt like I needed to as a safety concern bcuz idk what will happen if I'm found out right. But once I did it here the first time and didn't immediately get caught and locked up my brain has decided to completely throw even Pretending to try to stay clean out the window and I know I can't keep getting away with this. And I don't Want to. I don't Like feeling like I'm lying and hiding things. I didn't care when I was away for uni, where nobody would ever know and I could do whatever I wanted without feeling guilty for it. And I'm pretty good with harm reduction, I know how to manage myself with it, and it didn't really feel out of control until March or April so I wasn't having much of a Real problem with it, at least for myself. I know I have a problem lmao but it wasn't Effecting me. But I can't do any of that here and I don't like how that feels. I already have several bloody tissues shoved into my backpack bcuz I can't get rid of them without getting caught and worrying people or getting sent away. And I know my family already has enough on their plates, they don't need to add this back into it all again. And what's worse is I think I'm worrying my dog, every morning after I do it she comes up to me and gets really fucking affectionate and she looks so concerned and it just makes me fucking sick. Like she doesn't know what's going on, all she knows is she can smell blood on me and that's a bad thing so I need help and since no one else is she's trying to help me. Even if it maybe isn't that deep in reality, that's how it feels. And it makes me sick that I'm doing that to her yknow. So I seriously need to get it the fuck together and at least make a fucking attempt at stopping. You'd think after being clean* for almost 6 years it wouldn't be hard to go back to being clean but my brain hasn't been right since the most recent strep I had, getting strep always makes me relapse bcuz of my stupid autoimmune disorder, but it never fucking went away after this time and I've never had this big of a sh problem before, even when I was at my worst. I've done it 10x as much in the last 8 months as I did in my entire life before then. Yes. I counted. And sure I've probably not done it nearly as much as other ppl, people who 'really' struggle with it, but if I were left on my own I know I'd hit those really high numbers within the year. And it's already 10x as much as what they were willing to institutionalize me for, so clearly it's not insignificant. Like I'm proud of myself for lasting as long as I have been in between sessions, I've consistently gone 4+ days without doing it and I'm proud of that, and I'm not even necessarily upset with myself for Doing it because I know that's not gonna help and I wasn't expecting to never do it, I'm just upset with myself for completely giving up on being clean for the summer entirely and am just doing it anyways. I'm upset that I've given up. That's really all it boils down to. And I'm not Trying to give up, but when my brain is given an inch it'll take a mile. But I'm not in a position to NOT give it that inch right now. Idk man it's just so fucking hard and I'm trying my best but I can't seem to fuckjng figure it out. Idk where I was going with any of this I'm just upset and frustrated and I need to start at least Trying again. Because I can't keep doing this. Not while I'm in this house.

[fruitvendor]

tbh! i survived 3 suicide attempts this year alone and so like,,,, i'm actually genuinely happy to have a birthday for once

[clusterfuck0fteenagemelodrama]

TW:SH/BLOOD/RELAPSES/BLADES/FUCKING NASTY SHIT

Yesterday I was cleaning (for like 4 hours then I got burnt out and its worse lmao) and I found an old blade that I never got to properly use because I lost it in a pile of my shit or smth. Since my local shop stopped selling my favourite thingigsitsits I've been really struggling bc nothing I can find is sharp enough and once I got to a certain level I just couldn't go back, so I was stuck without my best coping mech for months. You can see where this is going. I finally get to have it properly again and in a fucking second I remembered how addicting it is because those first actual releases in months were so fucking therapeutic. I kept going deeper than I think I normally would just bc I finally could and I just Idk. I'm going to be honest and say while I fully support recovery for others I am a self destructive idiot so I don't let myself recover, half the time I'm wanting to get even worse and that's definitely not great. I'm almost kinda disappointed with myself because I knew, I fucking knew that not throwing that thing away was going to recharge a two odd year old problem and make things worse and I still kept it. I still did it I gave up so easily I wasn't even trying. Idrk how to feel abt that. Other than like how I have missed actual blood. I also don't really know where I was originally going with thus but there ig. Please don't do what I did, I'm an absolute fucking hypocrite but at least consider recovery or at least not getting inspired by me:/

[needstostopbinging]

Tw: sh (no pics or anything, just venting about urges)

This is such bullshit. I was cutting myself for MAYBE half a year (but I think it was more like 4 months? Honestly can't remember) and I've been clean since fucking December. I've been clean for longer then I was doing it so why is it still so much of a problem?

All I want, all I've wanted on and off for months and for the last like 3 weeks straight, is to relapse. I bought stuff to take care of wounds and sterilize a blade but no blades. I thought it'd be good as harm reduction so I wouldn't get an Infection but it's all going to shit.

I found a pencil sharpener from when I bought big packs of them for the blades. I thought I got rid of them all but I guess I kept a few. I now have everything I need to relapse and it's so hard not to.

I don't want to lie about it to my parents and my psychologist but I know I wouldn't be able to bring myself to tell them if I did. Hell, I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to talk about just wanting to do it.

I just want to be held. Why do I have to be so tall and big and fat and disgusting I'd do anything to be small and frail enough to be held and comforted like a child.

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

'KUWTK': Scott Disick Goes on Rampage After Hearing Kourtney Kardashian Is Dating: 'I've Been Really Present'

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian's tumultuous relationship took center stage on Sunday's new Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Despite Scott's best efforts to walk the straight and narrow path of sobriety in his attempt to win back his ex-girlfriend and the mother of his children, things still managed to go south, quickly.

As the episode opened, Scott was sitting down with Kourtney's sisters, Kim Kardashian West and Khloe Kardashian, and the trio talked about what their recent family trip to Aspen, Colorado, meant when it came to Scott's attempts to get back together with Kourtney.

"Kourtney and I have been spending a lot more time together, so I decided to take her and the kids to Aspen, and she agreed to go. So for me that's a big thing," Scott said in a solo interview with the KUWTK camera.

WATCH: Scott Disick Says He Proposed to Kourtney Kardashian, But They 'Got Scared' and 'Never Spoke About It Again'

Scott also explained to Kim and Khloe that their Aspen getaway was the "first trip in a long time where we actually were a family, and it got to feel like the old days."

Scott went on to explain that he's been trying to stay health and be an attentive father to their three kids -- Mason, 7, Penelope, 4, and Reign, 2.

"I've been really present and I haven't been drinking," Scott said. "A year or so ago, I feel like there was a point where we didn't even speak or see each other, so this is good."

As the episode progressed, Scott joined Kim for a trip to Dubai, where the 36-year-old mother of two attended a makeup conference, while Scott made a publicity appearance at the grand opening of the city's Sugar Factory.

The night before his appearance, Scott heard through a friend of a friend that Kourtney was out on a date with a guy back in Los Angeles, which caused him to go on a tailspin.

WATCH: Scott Disick Admits Kourtney Kardashian Still Turns Him On, Says He'll 'Never Be Over Her'

Speaking with her friends at lunch, Kim opened up about Scott's battle to stay sober and healthy in an attempt to be a better person, and how that battle is made much harder when he hears about Kourtney moving on with her love life.

"The thing is, he's trying to win her back…. He's been doing amazing for months," Kim said, referring to Scott's successful stint in rehab and his subsequent clean living. "He said to me, 'I'm not even doing this for her. I'm doing this for me. I'm going to stay the course.' He fully has said that to me three times."

However, it becomes clear that the news has hit Scott harder than anyone would have guessed.

"This is probably the worst thing I could ever hear, ever," Scott said in a solo interview after trying and failing to keep a smile on his face as he shook hands with fans at the Sugar Factor opening.

"I don't think she realized a friend of my saw her. Of course I called her and asked, and she blatantly lied to me. It was somewhat heartbreaking," Scott continued. " I just didn't see things going this direction. I feel like everything I've been working so hard for is kind of done now."

WATCH: Kourtney Kardashian Rides Roller Coaster With Ex Scott Disick While Celebrating 38th Birthday

After the event, one of his friends invited him out for a night of partying, which the clearly distraught Scott accepted with enthusiasm.

The next day, Kim got a text from the hotel security that Scott had gotten drunk, and was still tipsy by midday. Kim quickly texted Kourtney the news of Scott's relapse.

Speaking with Khloe later that day, Kourtney said she doesn't get why Scott is so hung up on her and her love life, since they've been broken up for nearly two years.

"For years I was trying to be supportive, but letting him know in the meantime -- while he's showing his consistency -- that I have to live my life and make myself happy," Kourtney explained. "He has to take responsibility for his own actions."

When Kim and her entourage stopped by Scott's place in the morning, one of her friends discovered a woman's purse in his living room, and Kim became obsessed with the chance to catch him with a woman in his room.

WATCH: Kim Kardashian Looks for a 'Tramp' in Scott Disick's Hotel Room in Drama-Filled 'KUWTK'

"Something came over me, I was like, 'He has a girl hiding somewhere and we're gonna find her,'" Kim said in a solo interview.

Quietly, as Kim and her crew stormed around Scott's large suite, he admitted to a producer that there was, in fact, a girl hiding in his place, adding "This is going to be really awkward."

As Scott and his crew tried to convince Kim that they should all just head out, she loudly shouted, "Or do you think we should go bang down the bathroom door and see if some f**king whore is in there?"

Kim slammed on the bathroom door and demanded the woman inside open the door. When she finally did, Kim had nothing but vitriol for her.

"What the f**k are you doing here? You're such a whore! You're such a tramp. Get your s**t and get the f**k out of here... security will escort you the f**k out of here," Kim yelled at the girl as she walked out.

But before more on the situation could be revealed, the infamous KUWTK "To Be Continued" title card came up, leaving fans to find out how Scott deals with this new development when the next episode of KUWTK airs next Sunday at 9 p.m. ET/PT on E!

WATCH: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick Are 'Back At It Again With the Co-Parenting Skills' in Hawaii

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

'KUWTK': Scott Disick Goes on Rampage After Hearing Kourtney Kardashian Is Dating: 'I've Been Really Present'

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian's tumultuous relationship took center stage on Sunday's new Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Despite Scott's best efforts to walk the straight and narrow path of sobriety in his attempt to win back his ex-girlfriend and the mother of his children, things still managed to go south, quickly.

As the episode opened, Scott was sitting down with Kourtney's sisters, Kim Kardashian West and Khloe Kardashian, and the trio talked about what their recent family trip to Aspen, Colorado, meant when it came to Scott's attempts to get back together with Kourtney.

"Kourtney and I have been spending a lot more time together, so I decided to take her and the kids to Aspen, and she agreed to go. So for me that's a big thing," Scott said in a solo interview with the KUWTK camera.

WATCH: Scott Disick Says He Proposed to Kourtney Kardashian, But They 'Got Scared' and 'Never Spoke About It Again'

Scott also explained to Kim and Khloe that their Aspen getaway was the "first trip in a long time where we actually were a family, and it got to feel like the old days."

Scott went on to explain that he's been trying to stay health and be an attentive father to their three kids -- Mason, 7, Penelope, 4, and Reign, 2.

"I've been really present and I haven't been drinking," Scott said. "A year or so ago, I feel like there was a point where we didn't even speak or see each other, so this is good."

As the episode progressed, Scott joined Kim for a trip to Dubai, where the 36-year-old mother of two attended a makeup conference, while Scott made a publicity appearance at the grand opening of the city's Sugar Factory.

The night before his appearance, Scott heard through a friend of a friend that Kourtney was out on a date with a guy back in Los Angeles, which caused him to go on a tailspin.

WATCH: Scott Disick Admits Kourtney Kardashian Still Turns Him On, Says He'll 'Never Be Over Her'

Speaking with her friends at lunch, Kim opened up about Scott's battle to stay sober and healthy in an attempt to be a better person, and how that battle is made much harder when he hears about Kourtney moving on with her love life.

"The thing is, he's trying to win her back…. He's been doing amazing for months," Kim said, referring to Scott's successful stint in rehab and his subsequent clean living. "He said to me, 'I'm not even doing this for her. I'm doing this for me. I'm going to stay the course.' He fully has said that to me three times."

However, it becomes clear that the news has hit Scott harder than anyone would have guessed.

"This is probably the worst thing I could ever hear, ever," Scott said in a solo interview after trying and failing to keep a smile on his face as he shook hands with fans at the Sugar Factor opening.

"I don't think she realized a friend of my saw her. Of course I called her and asked, and she blatantly lied to me. It was somewhat heartbreaking," Scott continued. " I just didn't see things going this direction. I feel like everything I've been working so hard for is kind of done now."

WATCH: Kourtney Kardashian Rides Roller Coaster With Ex Scott Disick While Celebrating 38th Birthday

After the event, one of his friends invited him out for a night of partying, which the clearly distraught Scott accepted with enthusiasm.

The next day, Kim got a text from the hotel security that Scott had gotten drunk, and was still tipsy by midday. Kim quickly texted Kourtney the news of Scott's relapse.

Speaking with Khloe later that day, Kourtney said she doesn't get why Scott is so hung up on her and her love life, since they've been broken up for nearly two years.

"For years I was trying to be supportive, but letting him know in the meantime -- while he's showing his consistency -- that I have to live my life and make myself happy," Kourtney explained. "He has to take responsibility for his own actions."

When Kim and her entourage stopped by Scott's place in the morning, one of her friends discovered a woman's purse in his living room, and Kim became obsessed with the chance to catch him with a woman in his room.

WATCH: Kim Kardashian Looks for a 'Tramp' in Scott Disick's Hotel Room in Drama-Filled 'KUWTK'

"Something came over me, I was like, 'He has a girl hiding somewhere and we're gonna find her,'" Kim said in a solo interview.

Quietly, as Kim and her crew stormed around Scott's large suite, he admitted to a producer that there was, in fact, a girl hiding in his place, adding "This is going to be really awkward."

As Scott and his crew tried to convince Kim that they should all just head out, she loudly shouted, "Or do you think we should go bang down the bathroom door and see if some f**king whore is in there?"

Kim slammed on the bathroom door and demanded the woman inside open the door. When she finally did, Kim had nothing but vitriol for her.

"What the f**k are you doing here? You're such a whore! You're such a tramp. Get your s**t and get the f**k out of here... security will escort you the f**k out of here," Kim yelled at the girl as she walked out.

But before more on the situation could be revealed, the infamous KUWTK "To Be Continued" title card came up, leaving fans to find out how Scott deals with this new development when the next episode of KUWTK airs next Sunday at 9 p.m. ET/PT on E!

WATCH: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick Are 'Back At It Again With the Co-Parenting Skills' in Hawaii