#i really wish they put more care into the morality system

[veganineden]

On the Evolution of “Happily Ever After” and Why “Nothing Lasts Forever”

A reflection inspired by Good Omens 2

One of my favorite Tumblr posts on the second season of Good Omens 2 was actually not about the series at all, but our reaction to it, primarily the ending. @zehwulf wrote, “I think a lot of us—myself included—got a little too comfortable with assuming [Aziraphale and Crowley would] work on their issues right away post-Armageddon.” We did the work for them through meta, fanfiction, fanart, and building a plethora of headcanons. Who among us AO3-surfing fans didn’t read and love Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm?

In the 4 long years since season one was released, we did more than seek to understand and repair rifts between two fictional beings: we were forced to reckon with ourselves too. We faced a global pandemic, suffered traumatizing losses and isolation, and were forced to really and truly look into the face of our atrocities-ridden and capitalistic world. The mainstream rise of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Justice work, and our participation in this work, showed us that the systems in place were built to oppress and harm most of us, and they are. 

So, what does this have to do with the evolution of “happily ever after”? 

My friend put it best in a conversation we had following the season finale, when she pointed out a shift in media focus. The “happy end” in old stories about wars and kingdoms used to be “we killed the evil old king and put a noble young king in his place and now citizens can live in peace” and we’re transitioning into a period of “we tore down the whole fucking monarchy.” 

If we look at season one, written to follow the beats of a love story, it comforted us by offering a pretty traditional happy ending pattern: you get your fancy dinner with your special someone, the romantic music plays, and you have a place to call your own. Season one’s finale provided a temporary freedom for Aziraphale and Crowley, the “breathing room,” but it didn't solve the problem that was Heaven and Hell, or the agendas belonging to those systems of oppression. 

Is it good enough to keep our heads down, pretend the bad stuff isn’t happening, and live our own personal happy endings until we die? Moral quandaries aside, if you don't die (or if you care about the generations after you), then, like Aziraphale said, it “can’t last forever.” There’s a clear unpleasant end to the “happily ever after” that’s based on ignoring our problems– it’s the destruction of our relationships, and humanity. 

Ineffable Bureaucracy can go off into the stars because they do not care about humanity. 

You know who does?

Aziraphale. 

And Aziraphale knows that Crowley cares about humanity too. (He knows because Crowley was the one who proposed sabotaging Armageddon in the first place, who only invited him to the stars when he thought all was lost, because Crowley would save humanity if he thought it was possible, and Aziraphale knows Crowley has survived losing Everything before, and he will do all in his power so that Crowley does not need to experience that again.) 

In season one and two, we see how much they care about humanity, beyond their orders, to the point The Systems begin to frown at them. Aziraphale hears Crowley’s offer to run away together in the final episode of season two, to leave Earth behind, and just like the first time that offer was made in season one, he declines. He knows choosing only “us” is not a choice either of them can live with for the rest of eternity.

I believe season 3 will provide an opportunity to “dismantle the system,” but I don’t know how it will play out. I worry that Aziraphale has put himself in the now-dead trope of the “young noble king.” (I wish Crowley had told him why Gabriel was dismissed from his duties.) I worry that he would martyr himself as a sole agent for change. I worry that he doesn’t actually know how to dismantle anything by himself: because you can’t. He needs Crowley. He DOES. He needs Crowley, and Muriel, and other angels and demons and humans without fixed mindsets to help him. Only by learning to listen and making room at the table for all can they (and we) move past personal satisfaction to collective liberation. 

Crowley was right when he said that Aziraphale had discovered his “civic obligations.”

So, I think we will get our modern-day happy ending– and it’s going to involve a lot of pain and discomfort, communication, healing and teamwork– and in the end, it’ll all be okay. There will be a time for rest and a time for “us.” 

And most likely a cottage. 

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

 - Maya Angelou

Support the SAG-AFTRA strike and other unions. Trust @neil-gaiman. Register to vote if you haven’t yet. Hold yourself and others accountable with compassion. Read books. Keep doing the work. Rest. Then watch Good Omens 2 again.  

[skeletoninthemelonland]

Hi Starbs, sorry to hear about your situation, I am a bit younger than you and a couple of years ago I was put into a similar spot, even right now as I'm finishing up high-school my housing isn't very stable. I'll give you some tips if it's something that could help you. (I am from the USA so things are probably different over there) also apologies I am not good with English!!

SAVE. SAVE. SAVE. Budgeting and being frugal when it comes to money is extremely important!!

Do keep a bit of spending money as treats and keeping morality in check will do you good in the long run.

My storage unit costs me 66$ USD a month it's the size of a walk in closet. Whatever isn't essential or you can't carry in a backpack it's best you have a safe place to store it. Some will ask you to buy your own lock so keep that in mind.

Reach out to youth shelters! The one I'm staying at lets us stay 60 days but makes us leave at least 7 until we can come back. We can keep coming back as many times needed for us to find housing (as long as we don't have a record with causing problems at the shelter)

Learn your bus routes if you can, it saves more money than using a car.

Let trustworthy people know about your situation, friends, teachers, whoever, let them know as community and building a support system is essential.

Communicate with your college, perhaps they have dorms or programs that may be of assistance.

Eat!! Drink water!!! Take care of your hygiene!!!

Some gyms have showers so you can get a membership just to go shower if you need!

Cars can be very useful as you can sleep in them, there are camping spots rangers won't look through sometimes you could sleep at, 24 hour opened store parking lots, or in my case outside the gym you have a membership for that's open 24 hours!

Keep distance from your parents. I don't know your situation but from my experience, KEEP A DISTANCE AND HAVE FIRM BOUNDARIES!!! You don't owe them anything, not your location, who you're with, you're schedule, they don’t need to know that.

Apartments usually want you to make 2-3 times the rent. Example: rent is 600 a month? Then you need to make around 1200-1800 a month.

If you have a job communicate with your boss about your situation, they can be very flexible and understanding.

Don't burn bridges in the professional field!

Social networking is a life saver, if you make the right impressions with the right people it can come in clutch later on.

I'm repeating this again but building community and a support system is essential. Maybe a friend you get along well with also wants to move in, you could be roommates. Or an older woman who is fond of you learns about your situation and is willing the rent you a room in her home.

Pay attention to red flags!

Red flags in apartments can be how well maintain it is (mold underneath the sink) and how you’re landlord approaches it.

Red flags in people, like they could know you're desperate and will try to use that against you.

Do your laundry at friend's homes or in public laundromats.

Red flags in environments, maybe you end up in a bad part of town, get out ASAP!!

Share and update someone trustworthy often, you never know what could happen.

I wish I could offer you more but I'm currently still figuring out my situation as well. Stay safe!! Remember someone out there really loves you and wants you to be okay!! And you deserve to be okay!!

.

[onepieceusername]

Egghead Manga Spoilers Ahead

// I enjoy the art and fics, but I didn’t realize some people genuinely believe Sanji is going to actually turn “emotionless” and therefore become evil and have Zoro kill him.

tl;dr: The Emotionless Germa Killing Machine is a myth and that is why nothing about him changed after Sanji put on the suit.

Something I think about a lot when I think about Sanji and his backstory is this book by Lundy Bancroft called Why Does He Do That? where a therapist details his research into of treating with convicted domestic abusers and trying to understand how they operate. One of the essential findings (Chapter: The Mythology of Abuse) is not about emotional regulation skills, tortured pasts, or genetic predispositions to violence. The answer to “Why Does He Do That?” Is simply because the abuser’s moral code allows for abuse.

“The Abuser would like us to accept this simple but erroneous formula: FEELINGS CAUSE BEHAVIOR. […] Wrong. Although our feelings can influence how we wish to act, our choices of how to behave are typically governed by our attitudes and habits.

“An abuser almost never does something he morally disagrees with. […] An abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong. […] Their value system is what’s unhealthy, not their psychology.”

So first, we have to separate out a person’s emotions from their value system. If he became an “emotionless” Germa soldier, he would still have his moral compass, his will, just fine. SO MUCH of One Piece is about moral codes and value systems, individuals deciding for themselves what is and isn’t right, and how that decided value system persists even when you are out of your mind, genetically engineered, and at your worst. In Thriller Bark, the shadows still behave with the same values and ideals as their original owners. When separated from his memories, Sanji’s shadow still won’t even bring himself to kick a woman. (Egghead Spoilers start here) Kuma is maybe the most recent example of this, with his values to protect and care for his daughter overriding all the mechanical changes to his body and brain and bringing him essentially back to life. This value system is even described as his “will.” And the smartest scientist in all the world couldn’t remove “the will” from someone no matter how he tried, so why are we supposed to think 21 years ago it was perfected?

But more than that, I don’t think Ichiji, Niji, and Yanji are actually without emotions. If they had no emotions, they would never laugh, they wouldn’t express contempt or disgust, and Yanji would not have reacted how he did when he saw Nami for the first time.

Now, that said, sometimes people interpret the fact that Sanji’s brothers have displayed human emotion to mean that only one emotion has been removed: the feeling of empathy. I could get behind that interpretation, but from studies of sociopaths and autistic people, having naturally dulled empathetic feelings doesn’t actually force you to be a bad person. It doesn’t take your sense of morality from you. Feeling empathy is even a skill that be taught and practiced and improved on over time! It’s often part of therapeutic treatment with sociopaths. You can still use the logical part of your brain to think “they would feel sad if I….” even if you don’t feel that same instinctive heartbreak. In fact, the profession that has the highest concentration of sociopaths is not, like, bankers or CEOs or hitmen. It’s surgeons. Many of them still want to do good, to save people, and be useful, and their dulled empathy is actually an advantage to their value system because they don’t instinctively shudder at the idea of cutting someone open.

And thinking about Law, that fact really makes me think Oda knows about these psychological findings and is doing this on purpose. Because, when I think about brothers who approach human empathy wildly differently, the first thing that comes to mind is Corazón and Doflamingo. Both of them were born celestial dragons, both of them grew up with a kind and gentle father, both of them were tortured. They had equal opportunities to choose whether they valued cruelty and power or community and empathy. One picked one value system and became an abuser and the other picked a different value system and became a hero. There was no genetic explanation for it. Doflamingo chose to be a warlord and Cora chose to work with the Marines. No one had to be poisoned or genetically engineered for that to happen.

Reiju is the person who explained to the audience and Sanji about the poison. She is an abused child who stayed behind in the Germa kingdom and grew up under Judge, rationalizing his actions. Abusers like Judge want you to think the only thing that can influence their behavior is their feelings. I am sure she truly believes that the only reason Sanji has any sense of empathy is the poison, and she believes her brothers’ emotions and morality were removed. But given what we know about Kuma and Vegapunk now, I think it is much more likely to be that Reiju and Sanji were the only kids who visited their mom and subsequently chose to value the same things she did, developing a will that includes protecting the innocent. Sanji is not losing that will in any circumstances and he can’t lose his emotions because his brothers still have them.

The suit actually modifying his sense of empathy would look like this: Something bad happens to something he cares about. He thinks, “it’s weird that this isn’t stressing me out as much.” He then does the right thing anyway according to his will and value system. He stresses about it. He keeps doing that. The feeling comes back over time. It’s really, really boring!

And if he ever brought it up to Zoro, Zoro would be the first guy to say something like “So… you did the right thing regardless of how you felt? You want me to kill you for that? Dumbass.”

[littleemptyattik]

This week I finished reading this book— The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard

For a book that's entirely nonfiction and written with only the solid facts as the main focus, I can honestly say I felt more emotions reading this than any other book in a long time.

Despite my instinctive love for the world and concept of classic pirates, when I picked up this book I was preparing to be disappointed in some ways; I wanted to know the truth about them, but I was afraid the truth was dismal and that I was going to find a book full of men not to be admired, motivated by their own greed and violence.

In the history of piracy there is certainly greed and violence, but it's not the pirates that I found myself despising. Maybe I'm still a little biased by my idealized view of them, but after reading this book I can't help but feel more love for that league of pirate kings and queens. These were people whose governments—mainly the British, but also the French and others, including the blooming Americas—had not only neglected, but also abused and exploited and even tortured. More than once in the early chapters I had to put the book down because I felt overwhelmed reading about some of the accounts of navy and merchant ships, whose captains and owners had manipulated or even straight-up kidnapped men and boys to put to work as practical slaves. Hundreds of thousands of innocent lives were lost to the sea with no proper respect, sometimes even through deliberate murder by their superiors, and no one did anything about it because these men and boys (and the women and children who were left behind) were poor and had no power, existing as nothing but a workforce for politicians and businessmen to use until they broke.

I'm not going to pretend the pirates weren't sometimes just as vile; of course they were, at times. But these men had decided that enough was enough, that their lives were worth more than having their bodies dumped overboard so some old man could count his riches in his mansion back on land. I feel like many of us can still relate to this in our world today.

These men and women weren't saints, but I don't know what choice they had. Mutinying, thievery, fear tactics—these were all the resources they had, and it was either that or continue to be exploited by a system that gave them no benefit. And in the end, even the most vicious pirate in this book was not as corrupt as most of the high-class thieves and murderers who got away with their corruption because it was legal. The pirates stole to survive and try to thrive in a world not made for them. They married women of other cultures and had beautiful mixed children in a time when that was rare and would be for three more centuries. They often freed slaves from the cargo holds and invited them to join their crews, not caring about their skin color or even if they didn't speak the same language. I found myself laughing more than once at how the many of them would board a ship and then send the crew on their way with an apology and well wishes to get home safely, sometimes even paying the captain for his trouble and the goods they took. Though they did harm some people and earned their reputation in some ways, these men weren't a stereotype of cruelty and lust. They were human.

I held myself back because I was in public at the time, but when I read the last few pages detailing the fall of the pirate leaders, I felt somehow like I was losing friends. They certainly weren't perfect, but I also can't agree that they deserved their fates. The propaganda and political corruption of the times had ensured pirates like "Blackbeard" would be remembered with hatred and terror even to this day, when in reality, the brilliant Edward Teach was known in his circles for his mercy and moral standards toward his men and his victims. In a world where violence was utilized like a tool, forced upon men like him who didn't actually want violence, did he really deserve to die so brutally? Did Calico Jack and Stede Bonnet and Mary Read, and that 20-something-year-old who called the audience cowards for not standing up against their oppressors just before he was hanged with seven others? In a republic (because it was exactly that, a system of fair election based on merit), did the pirate leaders deserve to have their society torn apart so that the old system of exploitation could continue?

After I finished the book, I ate dinner and just wondered...What if? What if some of the pirates' political plans, like Charles Vane's desire to depose the royal family, had actually happened? (That's the same royal family that still rules Britain today, by the way.) What if they had been united with more educated people to enhance their society, providing more structure to it? What if they'd kept Nassau as their capital, creating a trade system that might help fund their goals and dreams? What if their knowledge about other lands and peoples had become the norm? Would we be more intermixed in color and culture today, more advanced in our treatment of other people groups as equals? What if the ideologies hadn't been suppressed, but had been allowed to spread around cities and towns in Britain, Europe, and the Americas, ideologies of freedom for individuals and curiosity about the world and motivation to challenge injustice? What if they'd been given the chance to rule for longer than just the handful of years they'd had?

I didn't mean to write all of this, honestly. I was just going to give a little summary and post the photo. But it's been repeating in my head for days now...What if?

(And just to be clear, I would have married Blackbeard if he'd asked.)

[chaotic-clouds]

Another theme I really love in little nightmares 2 is how all the beings affected by the Signal Tower can be interpreted as representations of the different kinds of abuse children face throughout their life.

(Now bc of the recent LN podcast that came out giving some insight on how the LN universe works, we know kids that end up there are usually there because they’ve experienced severe trauma and/or abuse throughout their lives. What we also know now is that adults can also end up there, but instead these adults are usually the abusers, which is what makes this world 10x more nightmarish for the kids that inhabit it.)

But I’m not gonna get too into the logistics of the podcast for now though because I’ve not watched it entirely, and I still think this interpretation can be applied with or without the podcast context so I’ll just give my personal thoughts on the main antagonists in general for now!

Starting off with The Bullies I think their symbolism is most obvious, abuse from peers. In typical bully fashion the way they attack you is usually in hoards, killing you with their bare hands instead of a special ability. They even set out traps or what could be seen as a deadly prank, to kill anyone that is unfortunate to set it off. And while yes you are their main target because you are an outsider and “not one of them”, they also seem to regularly harass each other as well, emphasizing the cruel and vindictive nature they internalize (like when mono and six come across a solitary room with a chair in it, implying that the bullies regularly tied some people up and left them there for days, weeks even). But my favorite part is despite how cruel and aggressive they act, the form that the signal tower has turned them into is a porcelain doll, one that while keeping the appearance of a child is instead hollow and just as easy to kill (if not more than a regular kid). The bullies are the closest thing to the regular survivors of LN, but because of their cruel actions in defense of deeply buried insecurities, the Signal Tower has turned the bullies into fragile hollow husks of hate that will forever showcase the damage done to them outwardly, without any chance of concealing the cracks and pieces missing.

When it comes to The Teacher I’m not as sure, but I think she is meant to represent the abuse that individuals in power (specifically the education system) can commit to those underneath their rank. She’s extremely strict and cruel in her punishments, and has stricken fear into even the rowdiest of bullies, her class being dead silent as she teaches nonsense for however long she wishes. Adding onto this, she seems to be the sole person in power to the entire school, setting the schedule however she pleases. With her extensive neck I think this also can be seen as another act of dominance on her part, being able to literally be above whoever crosses her.

The Doctor is less direct, but I think he represents how those put in more knowledgeable and trusted positions can easily take advantage of those they’re supposed to protect. In this case towards his patients that he has taken advantage of and turned into his own experiments, but what confuses me is to why he’s on the ceiling? I mean it could just be as a way to be disturbing but I think it could be conveying how the doctor’s moral views have been so warped that he is literally viewing the world upside down.

The Hunter to me is also a little more confusing. I’m not sure what abuse he would embody but again he is farther from the pale city, so perhaps he’s not as in line with the Signal Towers influence/theme.

The Viewers in my opinion, represent neglect and addiction. While technically passive until provoked, they are designed to make you feel as though you’re walking on eggshells around them whenever you have to walk through the room they’re in. But because of them not caring about you whatsoever, you can pretty much just do whatever you want around them and they won’t even blink an eye until is directly disrupting the connection between them and the signal tower, in which case they get extremely violent, making a sound akin to screaming as they get up in your face to suck the life out of you. Their appearance also has a lot to say about their condition; The way their faces have been distorted and how uniform they all look, the Signal Tower has pretty much sucked the life out of them and made them forget who they ever were, possibly also representing how the relationship between them and whatever children they had would be so distant, that the kid wouldn’t see them as any different than a stranger they walked past on the street.

Aaaand because this post is now way too long maybe I’ll rant about how this applies to Mono and Six’s transformation via the Signal Tower another day. (Also this is just a silly interpretation!! So take this with a grain of salt, I’m sure someone else has explained this like 10x more literate than I could but I just love talking about this game 💔)

[syncrovoid-presents]

Hazbin Hotel thoughts (with a splash of vague theories) (Alastor edition)

Something that is super fascinating about how Alastor's character has been left highly up to interpretation is that, before these next episodes at least, it's not entirely clear what his motives are.

We know he is a skilled manipulator, a master of wording things in his favour to get the deals he wants. We know he's a serial killer that puts the laughter in slaughter, yet still has a variation of a moral code. We know he has ties, likely to lilith (though personally I really hope it ends up that he made a deal before he died for power, which now haunts him in hell).

We know that he partly protects the hotel because it's where he has a new radio broadcaster, but his protection of it could be protection for him, for what demon would mess with a friend (father figure?) of the princess of hell? Even Lucifer can't actually hurt him without hurting Charlie, regardless of how authentic Alastor is towards her.

Is his song purely to manipulate Charlie into feeling safer around him? Is he slowly wearing down her defenses so she may accidentally (or even purposefully) make a deal with him? It's clear from the dialogue and interactions that he's not incorporating himself much into the group, and we still don't know what's up with his radio broadcasting system being up once more.

There's so many ways it can be interpreted, but it's fun to have a character that is both mysterious but also bound to a set of morals he doesn't care to explain. He is the master of his own life, and (likely) sees others as lesser because they're weaker/manipulatable/"stupid". Yet his morals are just present enough that he could find it dishonorable to destroy demons that have, perhaps in his eyes, given up power for a chance at redemption.

There's also other questions around his character too, my biggest one being whether he has 1 power source or two? Many times we see his power/magic manifest as red hues (symbols specifically), similar to how he wears all red. Other times it is green, which may or may not be tied to his "neon" colours. Is it because red and green are complimentary but conflicting? Is it to show that one power is fully his and the other is not? Does the neon represent a lack of truthfulness or him acting outside of his true wishes? Because the only time we've really seen it is when he is saying (somewhat) nice things in very specific situations.

Does Alastor know Vaggie is/was an angel? He didn't like her in the pilot, and its unclear whether their strained dynamic is because Vaggie wants to protect Charlie and it is one sided, or if Alastor knows and is waiting for the perfect moment to use that against her, perhaps for a deal?

Also his only songs so far have been him just taking over someone else's song. How petty and silly of him. Can't wait to see what he has planned next!

Who knows! Either way Hazbin Hotel is a very fun show and I'm so excited for the next episodes!!

[littleshysheep-at-da]

Hello, I hope you are well. Can you please share some headcanons and canon reflections about Karnatia and Schlain? I really loved the ones that you did for Wrath. Thank you so much!

Thank you so much for the well wishes! I’m still VERY ill but have a support system trying to get me help ☺️ so we keep chugging! Still won’t be super active here but I LOVE answering these asks 💕

And THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE VALIDATION ❤️?! Like I am so incredibly happy people enjoy my ranting and want to hear/value my opinion, it’s wild and super enjoyable.

Still considering just posting my whole current Kumoko Headcanon (I have expanded some points from previous Kyouya/Wrath one too haha) but it’s suuuper long and I am CONSTANTLY adding too it. Let me know if anyone is interested.

Kyouya is def my fav so I have waaay more for him but I do have some for Katia and Shun (probably more on Shun just cause we get more from his perspective in the Novel)! As a massive Shipper again most of them revolve around my OT3 (I have no shame there haha).

Heads up for Spoiler Warning (I think I give mostly vague Spoiler for the entire series but except the Kumoko/Wakaba thing is directly said).

(Again I’m ripping this from my KumoDesu Fanfic ideas Doc so if some of the wording is wonky that’s why because it’s older and I write this just to get my thoughts down).

Trans Katia: Update: 16 novels we get two chapters from Katia’s perspective but I think there is one or two more shorts from her perspective in the Ex-Ex2. Okay so far in all 12 novels we get one (1) chapter from Katia’s perspective so there’s not a lot to go off but Katia was definitely closeted/uncracked egg Trans Girl in her past life fight me. Cracking the egg/getting outed via isekai lol. Out of roughly 30 reincarnations Katia is is the only one that switched gender and it’s explained (aside from Oka which D did just to cause trouble) the system puts them in bodies that best fit their soul this being why some characters reincarnated as not humans and why Katia is a girl. So the only characters who changed gender or race are Katia, Fei, Sophia, Kyouya, and Oka who doesn’t count in this. Shiro was always a spider thus why she is a spider. Kyouya deeply agreed with the Goblin’s mentalities and morals. We see later that Fei’s personality and morals really fits with the dragon's code of conduct. Sophia being a vampire isn’t super explained and more how people viewed her. So like failing in line Katia must be a Trans Woman basically.

Katia Anxiety: I think Katia is very protective of her boys. It’s kinda obvious when she meets Shun again and then when they get in dangerous situations. She’s so scared of losing the people she cares about (I think she’s often the most aware of how different and how dangerous the fantasy world is compared to their previous lives). I think the realization Kyouya probably isn’t on their side (because of how Oka kept avoiding the topic) probably hurt her a lot, because she doesn’t want to abandon him but also is too scared about losing Shun as it is (and I feel like when she puts everything together after the fact she feels super guilty for not pressing more). It kinda seemed she really didn’t have many people she was close to in her past life and the fact that Shun (and I’m gonna Headcanon here later Kyouya) still accept her despite everything that’s “different” (cough cough eye cracked) is huge to her. I’m glad in the Novel Shun always does a very good job conveying how much he appreciates, relays on, and trusts her because god she needs it.

Shun and Julius: The fun part about Shun as a Character is he is painfully aware how much of an NPC he is and that he doesn’t fit the role of Hero. Which is why I think he looks up to Julius so much and later on tries to emulate him. He quite frankly knows he has NO IDEA what he is doing and wants to be as level headed and smart as Julius. I think that his idol-like obsession with Julius comes from his own insecurities.

Shun, Katia, and Kyouya are Weird (aka Poly):“They're weird about each other” is one of my favorite Shipping reasons because it’s so true. I mean Shun and Katia are pretty solid in Canon and I would say I’m just adding Kyouya to it to make it an OT3 but also once I see it I can’t unsee it. Just the fact that all 3 of them single out their “Friendship” as something special. I don’t think Katia super had other friends in her past life (being an uncracked egg will make that hard) but Shun and Kyouya did and they never really mention it. Shun was peak NPC and was not super close but friendly to most of the guys but he NEVER mentions it until running into them again (apparently he was on a soccer team and just, never thought it was important or that big a deal). And it’s Shiro who mentions it seems like Kyouya and Shinobu were friends in their past life, Kyouya barely mentions it even after seeing him again. Just the “you're weird about each other” being a way of saying “that’s a little more than a friendship I think” basically.

Polyamorous not having Legal Marriage: So at the end of Volume 16 they mention that nothing is know about Shun’s love life, which might mean he never legally married. Now I like think Shun and Katia legally married and then Kyouya is their lover (they have a non-legal marriage for the 3 of them in private). But I am just saying this can support my Ship because Polyamory isn’t really that accepted publicly so they keep it secret (open secret among their friends though). It’s sort of an AU but I’m just saying.

Shun Salaryman: So it says at the end of Vol 16 Shun goes back to help his Brother and all I can think is he’s finally becomes a Salaryman. Imagine he helps with all the paperwork instead of decision making. And he’s really good at it to the point of everyone’s surprise. He finally realized JUST how lost he was trying to be a Hero (he always sort of knew but now that he’s found his calling it’s super obvious to everyone else as well).

Shun’s Accidental Rizz: So we see that Shun is always ridiculous earnest about his feelings and has no qualms expressing his appreciation (we see this most to Katia early on where he always thanks her for helping him). So I like to think for my OT3 he accidentally says the most romantic shit to Katia and Kyouya all the time unprompted because he’s just being honest about it (Kyouya Bluescreens because he’s so unused to verbal affection (he likes it he’s just used to the Demon Army’s brand of nonverbal love) and Katia goes Tsundere Mode when flustered).

Shun Perception Check: Shun is both really perceptive and an idiot at the same time. So he is able to perceive all sorts of little subtle tells that others can’t but at the same time has no idea how to process what they actually mean.

Shun: Shun is an Emotional Support Dumbass. And anyone who hates him (usually people who only saw his botched Anime version) can meet me in the pit. I also think his general easy going-ness probably helped both Katia and Kyouya a lot in their past lives (because it seemed like neither of them had the easiest home life’s and then they have it rough again after being reincarnated rip).

And that’s all I have at the moment! I’m always adding more though haha. Feel free to keep sending KumoDesu Asks I love them!

[lucky-clover-gazette]

fandom/feelings vent i just really wanted out of my system, seriously not targeted at any one person or thing:

there are few things that make me more uncomfortably aware of my attachment issues than seeing multishipping or polyshipping of fictional pairings i really care about. i think because i put so much of myself into writing about fictional relationships, and one of my greatest fears in a relationship would be my partner wanting to be open, it’s an understandable but not *valid* emotional response. but still, i live in my head, and have to manage it. it sucks.

like, i’ve drafted this post several times. i love fandom culture and shipping communities, and it sucks that a very present thing in those spaces is such a ridiculous sore spot for me. i feel like i’m less able to support people making cool things, who enjoy the same stories i enjoy.

i never want to degrade the comfort and importance stories and relationships like these have in people’s lives. i love creating things that are close to my heart, and the reasons i care about these characters and ships are roughly the same as anyone else’s.

but it’s really bad, man, the way this stuff gets to me. like, i’m sorry to overshare, but the idea of a ship i really care about being open legitimately makes me feel like a cornered prey animal. trouble breathing, tearing up, can’t focus on anything else, heart beating fast. i understand that this is not a normal response to such an inconsequential and somewhat avoidable stimulus. while i’m not about to share the reasons why i have this trigger, i can assure you they make sense as a source of trauma. the problem is that my irrational trauma response is not a valid equivalent to moral disgust or discomfort, and it’s really frustrating that i can’t just be neutral.

rationally, i know it’s all projection, and has nothing to do with these fictional characters or stories, or the people making fan content. but i also can’t deny the very real way my body physically reacts to even the notion of non-monogamy in relationships i care about.

and i’m not just talking fandom stuff here, i live in a city where more than half of the queer people my age seem to self-identify as ethically non-monogamous or poly. both in fandom and real life queer spaces, it’s almost like i’m missing out on the party because the way a lot of people like to party makes me feel profoundly trapped, powerless, betrayed, insulted, and abandoned, which are all feelings i do not handle well.

more than anything, i just wish i could be normal about this very present facet of fandom/shipping culture and even enjoy it on occasion. when it’s not like my “otp” or whatever i really don’t mind at all. i guess i just see so much almost aggressive positivity about like “character has two hands” memes and stuff like that, where it almost makes me feel like a bad person for needing monogamy for a fictional or real-life relationship to feel safe. and while i do believe open-mindedness should be a core tenant of social spaces, i also feel alone with these rotten feelings, and i can’t really channel them creatively in a way that wouldn’t just upset me or make other people feel bad.

there is no point to this post really, just kind of wondering if anyone has felt this way/has advice beyond the obvious and very valid basics like “only interact with content you want to see,” and “what works for some people does not have to work for you, and vice versa.” i seriously have no judgment of fandom friends multishipping or polyshipping, or the idea of those relationships themselves. mostly, the presence of those ideas just cause me an irrational amount of discomfort because of past experiences, and i wish i could fix that part of myself. not saying i ever want to be poly or write those kinds of stories, but not being embarrassingly triggered would be a great first step. and i guess ultimately it would just be nice to feel a little less alone about having this problem.

[shartingan]

apologies if this is kinda out of left field but what is your current opinion on ao3? me personally i do like to read and write fic on it due to the tagging system and other aspects but the amount of whack shit makes me uncomfortable and I do wish you could report harmful content easily (I think you can now but it's a bit of a process)

sorry this took so long to answer! i had to finish graduating college 😔 i tend not to think about ao3 too much or too in depth, and i don't really get involved in the discourse on this site about it. please take everything i say with a grain of salt because im uninformed and not really looking to involve myself more in this discourse! but i will gladly answer this ask with the information i do have because i think youre starting an interesting conversation and i like to talk ( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧! feel free to hmu i dms, anon.

under read more because i started to ramble a bit. tldr please stop donating to ao3 and donate to one of these vetted palestinian fundraisers instead, especially for eid

personally i agree with all that youve said about ao3 in your ask already. i wont get on a soapbox and moralize about fanfiction and stuff like that because, again, i really dont care, but also i think it is really neat to have these spaces where people can safely interact with IPs in a transformative way and share their works with others without the threat of legal action. that's not ao3s doing, but it does provide a hub for people to publish without ever running into the treat of legal action. and, like you said, the tagging system makes it really easy to sort through fics and find what you like vs. dislike.

my main problems with ao3 come from its mismanagement, and the fact that it really has no competitors. ive been on ao3 since 2015, and i think the only significant change i can remember in the 9 years ive used it was the fact that they added the ability to filter out tags along with filtering in some. that's literally it. there could definitely have been some significant behind the scenes additions im unaware of, but from a users point of view, there has only been 1 update in 9 years that has majorly impacted the way i use the site. that seems like extreme mismanagement to me, especially since ao3 manages to meet and then significantly past all of their donation goals that they run pretty frequently. it seems like ao3 is making a lot of money which isn't being put into improving the site in any significant way. ao3 has been a site since 2008, its making a lot of money, and has a huge base of donors and volunteers, but it's still in beta? that seems like major mismanagement to me. again, this is just me speaking as a layperson not involved in the site itself.

also, it's pretty much become the only site that you can read fanfic on. there are sparse communities on tumblr, ff.net, and wattpad, but they're definitely a lot smaller and spread out. ao3 is the biggest and most centralized place for posting and reading fanfiction on the internet, meaning it virtually has no competition, and there's no alternatives that offer the same scale or quality. despite all that, it has almost no internal user moderation, and ao3 has actively been resistant to implementing those kinds of changes. that has resulted primarily in users of color getting targeted and attacked by racists. harassment is easy on ao3, and people can easily abuse the tagging system to do whatever they like. there's not even a perma-block tag feature, which is the first thing i would've implemented with the filter out feature. like you said, anon, if they're even implementing these changes, they're implementing them slowly, and behind a convoluted multi-step process. there's still little to no internal moderation or blocking system, which is just incredibly irresponsible.

ao3 almost has a monopoly on fanfiction on the internet, which means that it can kind of just do whatever, and no matter the gripes it knows people will keep coming back if they want fanfic because there's no alternative. and people keep chucking money at it because, again, its a hub for people to post and read fanfic without ever running into the threat of legal action because the website provides a safe, transformative works shield for authors. it's just insane how mismanaged the site is, but people keep giving it money despite that, so there's no real incentive for OTW to change anything or put in any effort. HOW IS IT STILL IN BETA. ITS BEEN 16 YEARS AND THEY'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. MINECRAFT CLASSIC WAS LAUNCHED IN 2009 AND THEY MOVED THROUGH BETA TO ALPHA TO A FULL LAUNCH AND THEN HUNDREDS OF UPDATES IN THE SAME TIME FRAME AND WITH A SMALLER TEAM AND FUNDS, INITIALLY😭😭😭 that's just insane to me, there's definitely something weird behind the scenes, how can they be this bad at site management, it's gotta be deliberate or something.

anyway, please stop donating to ao3 and donate to one of these vetted palestinian fundraisers instead, especially for eid

[petefromarma]

thank you this is a safe space for communist fall out boy fans. i love em but hate them and thats okay. i do wish they were better. i think one reason why people act like that in the fandom is they spent a lot of time associating with it and spending money and making it part of their identity which i am guilty of and still do, its almost an attack on them. to rethink what they consume. i think a lot of people just dont want to ever think of letting them go. and i get it it can suck. ofc i am not saying people should let go of them entirely or whatever but realize your faves may not be as progressive as you think they are and to acknowledge that flaw. i think one thing that sort of helped me “grow apart” from fall out boy is deadass making ocs. sure they don’t have a whole fandom or actual media but its honestly helped me a lot with just being able to put in my creative energy into something else besides fob. i still like to dabble in the fob fandom but its nice to have something else beyond fall out boy and sort of a “safety net” if things truly go south if fob gets actually “canceled” if they do something that i truly can’t really be all fandomy over if that makes sense hahaha

i think you're probably right tbh re fans feeling guilty abt spending money on them; a fair amount of western activism revolves around consumerism, which makes sense for a capitalistic society but like i really do wish these people would just get real and own up to the fact that their enjoyment of fob has nothing to do with their politics for better or for worse and if they actually believed that it did they would stop spending money on concert tickets and stop spending money on merch, not as a form of boycott or anything like that (imo most forms of western modern day boycott are ineffective in terms of constituting material change bc they focus on conglomerates; we should boycott bc it is the right thing to do to not pay in to companies that are supporting genocide, not bc we are expecting large scale change to come of it) but because it would be in line with the ideological/moral boundaries they have set for themselves

imo engaging with art/celebrity in a capitalistic society is a net neutral, for the most part; simply saying this among the most radical of accelerationist twitter grifters would get my head chopped off for paying attention to a band instead of the glorious revolution that's supposedly forming amongst russian soldiers doing genocide in the donbas or whatever but unless leftists want to actually get serious about global suffrage then idk what to say lol people are going to look to art as a coping mechanism and continue to pay in to these systems bc it helps them survive mentally/emotionally. now that being said that's why i think it's hypocritical and grotesque to participate in faux outrage against a band that you like by doing pretend activism bc none of these people actually give a shit that fob do business with/are friends with zionists, they just want to look good in front of their friends for caring about the right thing at the right time. if their disgust was genuine they would quietly drop them and move on but they're more invested in their own comfort than doing what they perceive as being right. so i guess to clarify i don't think spending money on and paying attention to a band with milquetoast lib politics is inherently materially harmful; what i do believe is actively harmful to the cause you claim to serve is when you put on a performance for a few days because the band you like fucked up in a way that can't be ignored and then never talk about it again and go back to pretending that pw is a radical leftist and not a run of the mill democrat. like if you're just going to stop talking about it eventually don't even bother bringing it up in the first place lol

i support you tho i do think OCs are a good idea esp if you want to pull away from engaging with IP tbh and i think just a good thing for enhancing your writing/creativity in general

[kitkats-and-kittens]

Does anyone else find the trope in media where Humans find either an extra terrestrial race, or a god, or any other being that is physically, or mentally superior to humanity and we teach them empathy, super annoying?

Maybe it’s a niche pet peeve but It always feels like we’re shoving are own sense of morality on beings that it doesn’t or shouldn’t apply to.

Like I get how in shows you wanna teach people good and bad and that being empathetic is a good thing but can’t they do that with actual humans?

The best example I can think of on the fly is Dream of the Endless from Sandman. Spoilers if you haven’t watched the show.

I can’t remember the exact episode number, but I know it was in season 1. He met Johanna Constantine and went to go get some sand from where she’d left it at her ex girlfriend’s house. Long story short her gf turned out to be dying because of the sand and Dream ends up taking it back and leaving at which point Johanna gets upset and basically berates him for leaving her ex girlfriend to die in pain.

In the end he decides to listen to her and puts the girl to rest in a peaceful way and I don’t know why but I’ve always hated how that scene was resolved.

Like obviously it’s nice and he’s doing a good thing but I also don’t like how eldritch beings who’ve been alive for thousands upon thousands of years are framed badly because they don’t care for human lives. Its not as though they have a reason to care and honestly I think humanity as a whole overestimates is actual importance in the grand scheme of the universe.

(but that’s another conversation)

Still I just think it seems kind of arrogant to present our own kind of black and white morality system as the basis and expect beings that simply don’t operate the same way as us to abide by it.

It’s also something I noticed in Pjo. Like yea the Gods are assholes but that’s by a human comparison which we can’t judge them by, because they aren’t human.

If I’m being honest the Gods are a lot nicer than they should be all things considered. Like if you have the power to absolutely obliterate anyone who you deemed even slightly annoying then yea that would probs go to your head but it’s not as though they can help that.

And sure neglecting your children isn’t great, but considering that for Gods like Zeus their frame of reference for bad parenting is having their dad literally swallow them alive the moment they were born in their eyes they probably think they’re doing pretty well for themselves.

And sure they live amongst humanity, in a detached of way, but when we’re the equivalent of annoying insects that buzz around there bedroom it makes a lot of sense why they don’t care and I honestly don’t understand why we should force them to. They operate under their own sense of morals and justice as weird and twisted they may be to us and I really wish shows and media would explore that idea more.

[nekrophoria]

Fruity Asks! 🍉🥭 for Serena and 🍌🍇  for Mabon

Thank you so much for the asks! And I'm sorry it took me half an eternity to answer them >_<

Serena

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why?  

Definitely Summer.

a) She was born in Summer

b) It sorta fits her personality best imo, since summers can be harsh but are usually warm and welcoming and carry a sense of liveliness

and c) She's the kind of person who thrives in warm and sunny weather, plus she loves going swimming which is infinitely more fun in summer

--------------------------------------------------

🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero?  did they move away,  or do they wish to?

Already answered here!

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Mabon

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  

How Mabon would describe his childhood? Simple. "None of your business."

Mabon would never disclose anything he remembers about his childhood to someone he doesn't trust 200%. And even then he really wouldn't see any good reason to talk about it with anyone.

He's an Alter of a Dissociative Identity Disorder System. Dissociative Identity Disorder is caused by prolonged early childhood trauma. Based on that alone one could say that his childhood is the reason for him existing the way he does and that it had a huge impact on him.

Although he doesn't have an emotional attachment to his childhood and perceives it more as Mel's childhood than his own for the most part, he holds a lot of negative and traumatic memories of that time, and his outlook on the world, other people, Mel, and himself was shaped by it.

Whether or when he matured through that is hard to say . For the most part I think he was forced to mature way too early in life. In other aspects (especially the more emotional and interpersonal ones) his upbringing stunted his natural process of maturing quite a bit.

--------------------------------------------------

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?

That one was more difficult to answer than I initially thought.

Generally...he wouldn't be inclined to help, not really.

Mabon's number one priority is himself and his or the body's well being. He's got a bit of a tunnel vision when it comes to anything beyond that.

Based on the context and situation if he benefits from it however he is more than willing to help someone, although for pragmatic reasons.

There are other alters in the system who are more prone to be triggered and front when Mel finds himself in situations where people rely on him or need support, which (so far) has kept Mabon from many scenarios where he could've been put in front of the moral dilemma "Do I turn a blind eye to someone who obviously needs help?"

I think if Mabon would for whatever reasons find himself in a situation like that and he could somewhat safely assess that the person in need is truly helpless/harmless or wouldn't screw him over in the process, or if lo and behold he actually cared for the person he'd have more trouble turning a blind eye than he'd like or might be aware of at this point in time

[loving-n0t-heyting]

"These “boycotts” are unorganised, unfocused, and indistinguishable from amoral consumer trends."

"I wish cfa served more non-meat options so I could eat there"

Genuine question. How is refusing to eat meat any more organised, focused and distinguishable from amoral consumer trends that refusing to eat at chick-fil-a at all?

Fair question!

I think approaching vegetarianism or veganism as consumer activism in fact doesn’t make much sense. How effective it can be varies a lot from animal to animal (cows very little, chickens much more), but in any event the effects seem small and diffuse enough to have trouble competing with other more direct forms of animal cruelty prevention. So “carnism as murder” has always seemed strange as a slogan to me. Nor does it really track with most vegs’ actual behaviour, i think; aside from some rationalist vegans I’ve known, most vegs seem to put little effort into minimising incentives for animal abuse thru consumer choices

My actual reason, I think, and most other vegetarians’ reasons even if they don’t admit it to themselves, has more to do with respect for the animals killed. Eating their dead bodies is an act of violation, desecration, disrespect—the same reasons soldiers are known to shoot at the corpses of enemy soldiers even when it serves no clear strategic or tactical goal. This has little to do with market incentives, which is why i still would not want to eat dead bodies even if this were not leading to their purchase. (I think this is also why ppl (reasonably) treat consuming beef as a more basic offence than consuming eggs, even as purchasing eggs has a more plausible market effect on meat production: the one is a more intimate violation than the other)

Ofc to some extent this sort of violation is inevitable when wage labour runs the world, but there are degrees of badness and all of us must (and do!) draw the line somewhere. This seems like one of the more defensible such lines to draw.

I also do not believe for a minute that the ppl squealing in outrage about chik fil a or naughty video games are actually motivated by market reasoning either, even if they delude themselves otherwise. What they care about is the cultural significance imputed to these brands, and are objecting to ppl signifying what the brands are newly made to signify. But these systems of signification and respect are considerably more conventional/arbitrary, fragile, and uncertain than those involved in making feasting on corpses desecratory, and the shriekers are as much trying to erect them as interpret ppl in accord with them, so i think you should give much less of a fuck about it. Plus the “queer political culture” of which they are trying to turn CFA/Hp or whatever into an anti-symbol doesn’t really merit that much respect in the first place

Sorry this is all kind of hazy (and even worse: “””deontological”””), but it’s my honest answer

(If you want an even more vivid illustration of the compulsive need to reduce the badness of consumption habits to their imagined market effects, consider csem possession/viewing. I have never encountered any remotely compelling evidence that most ppl to possess such material, let alone to simply view it, are actually paying the manufacturers for the product. And yet, you will routinely encounter ppl explaining the evil here in terms of the market incentives they fantasise the consumers are providing to the producers! Now there is an obvious and perfectly good reason to object to consuming or distributing it, namely that it is an invasion of the victims’ privacy, which is presumably the true reason at which these ppl are blindly groping. But the perceived need to cast all moral questions re: consumption in terms of the democracy of the dollar—that common language of rational creatures, the sovereign congress of we the legislators of the universal Kingdom of Means—is simply too strong to resist. Pure ideology!)

[crystalelemental]

Now for the other half: story stuff. Now that I've gotten all the venom of today's failure to find Tyrants out of my system, I can talk about the good stuff.

Nexomon Extinction has a legitimately good story. This was really strong. I left off last time after the Drake Isles, but we're now through the full story. I kinda backed out of talking spoilers the first time, but this time it's completely unavoidable.

Omnicron's Tomb is probably the best segment in the game. That whole segment is so funny, it's incredible. The introduction of your character actually using your elemental powers is also a nice bit, especially with the surprised "No one told me you could do that." It's gold. But there's also a lot of setup as far as what's going on there, too.

The real fun is right after. The entire plot has been about how the Nexomon are at war to find a new king, and that several Tyrants are vying for power. A while back, humans created dragons to fight Tyrants and protect humanity, and created an artificial Tyrant to serve as the king of monsters that the dragons would obey. That was Euros. Fifteen years ago, everything went berserk, and the catalyst to this was, it turns out, your birth. Your player character is the last descendant of Omnicron, and child of Nara. Turns out, Deena's been putting a whole plan in motion to set you up as the new Sovereign of Monsters, getting her siblings to help develop your powers so you're ready to ascend the throne as the Tyrant of Light. The whole setup of machinations is really good, but what we particularly love is that this means all of the other children of Omnicron are your aunts and uncles. And there is just something about the concept of wine aunt Nadine that tickles me. We were joking about the babysitting priority order, and we're pretty confident Luxa's at the bottom.

One complaint I did develop, and still hold, for this game, is that the Tyrant War is kinda just background noise. Like...we don't know anything about the Tyrants in play. We know their masters, but Mulcimer doesn't speak until you revive him, and says very little. Even the one that does give the most hints of personality, Tikala, has to have Deena fill in that no, he did care about becoming king, he just hid to try and wait out the war part. Comparatively, they lack for depth, and having reached the postgame where I can acquire all these legendary creatures, I find myself wondering...why would I run anyone but the children of Omnicron? Like no, really. I don't particularly like Luxa, but I at least know about him as a character. If they all were non-entities, I could run with what looks cool or functions well. But in what world am I going to swap out Ventra for Euros? There isn't one. It would never happen. Partially because I can't fucking find him, postgame Tyrant hunting sucks ass, but mostly because Ventra is super cool and has a lot of relevance and Euros is just kinda there.

Vados is the exception. Vados does start speaking, and is a fairly noble and pragmatic creature. When aiming to destroy the desert Tyrant, the Laterians refuse to not fight, and when Amelie talks about how they chose their course, Vados is the one to admonish "I won't hurt humans, Amelie." Vados and Amelie are both pretty interesting, believing that their course is correct. I do think the ultimate aim is a bit...well, extreme. As pointed out by your mentor, Vados cannot be the king of monsters, because it's not a Nexomon, therefore more Tyrants will be born and more will attempt to ascend. It will fight until the literal end of the world, caused by its own hand. Vados, and by extension, Amelie, seem to work on the same moral framework as Xanders: Nexomon are intrinsically evil, and if they're going to keep rising up, then yes, the solution is genocide. We will take them all out for humanity's sake.

The story is still overall very comedic, but I still feel like at times I wish they'd cut the fourth-wall-breaking jokes. This may be more personal preference than anything they're strictly doing wrong, but I do think I don't love it. It does have some absolutely immaculate jokes, though. I think on the whole this game is funnier than the first. While small, one of my favorite bits is Nadine, having use the last of her powers to throw Xanders off a cliff, saying she used all her powers and won't get to see your rise to glory...only to stop, then call to Atlas saying she can't hurt him and to come close, implying reconciliation. Then smacks his ass to the ground and starts to call him a little shit, fading before she can curse at him. That's great. I love Nadine. Though the absolute funniest is still the Yellow Ranger guy trying to jump you from on high, landing wrong and just screaming "MY BONES!" then vanishing. Absolutely hilarious.

As a whole experience, I liked this game a lot more than the first. Which is saying something considering the general vibe I have on being salty about postgame legend hunting. The story is just a lot stronger, reminiscent more of the underworld segment but sustained throughout. The new cast is generally excellent, though I do wish the Tyrants got a little more development. It's just a really good game. With a really unfortunate approach to the postgame legends. No, I will not shut up about this, I'm so mad.

[pupintransit]

It's month 9 of The Wait ™️ and everything is fine and I am being cool and normal about being a month away from a life changing reconstructive surgery.*

*Very obviously a lie.

So, everything that I have to buy is bought at this point. I even have a couple things I might not even need. The cane is probably gonna end up being a wash, for example. GRS Montréal uses a regional anesthestic and some knock-out meds rather than a general anesthestic for the surgery, specifically because it helps to regain mobility faster. Worst case I'll put on Craigslist or something for free, that way someone who actually needs it can just have it.

I know about the anesthesia thing because of the surgical consultation i had earlier this month. I wrote about that earlier but it went really well! I feel a lot more informed about the surgery than i did previously, and i'm pretty confident about my ability to take care of myself afterward. I mainly just wish I could have that confidence with undergoing the surgery itself! I ebb and flow a lot more with how i feel about my genitals. It's never more positive than feeling adequate about them, but that seems to be enough to have me second guess myself. Sure, now that i'm sitting on my train I can feel my buldge and it's incredibly distracting, but sometimes i can lay down and not mind it too much! Call my secretary, surgery's canceled!

Ugh.

If I go through with this and regret my choice I want it laid out for the record that I was not sped through the system. I did everything properly, my doctors did everything properly, and my therapists did everything properly. There were enough checks and balances to properly inform me about what i was going to do and make sure it was right for me. Heck i had to do a readiness assessment for TRT and my only goal for testosterone post-op is not getting osteoporosis. If I start spouting nonsense about gender affirming care, please smack me and show me this blog post.

I see a lot of people who regret their surgeries go off about grooming or trans folks manipulating people, and i want to say flatly how gross that is. For me to engage in that kind of behavior would be a fundamental betrayal of a community that has shown me nothing but support and kindness, and which went out of it's way not to romanticize or sugar coat the realities of this procedure. It'd be a particularly nasty betrayal to my husband too, who is not only transgender himself but has been a complete angel throughout this journey of mine. I can't guarantee i won't regret this, but i do guarantee that i won't do harm to the community that held me up when i was struggling. To do otherwise is morally repulsive.

Anyway. Last thing on the checklist is the medical EI application. The federal government doesn't let you file it early so i gotta wait until my last day of work. It is what it is 🤷 I'll be working on getting the paperwork together next week and all throughout February before the big day.

32 days to go....

[lillyosaurus]

unhinged character bingo thorn and smolder

OKAY FOR THORN

She’s one of our favorite characters I love her SO MUCH. Her dynamic with the scorpion den is incredibly interesting and how she basically went from “oh I’m the big boss poster child of it” to now running the whole kingdom and begrudgingly leaving vulture to deal with it. Thorn and vultures dynamic is really interesting to me aswell with how well they play off each other I personally imagine them both as morally grey but on opposite ends of the spectrum, thorn being the “cares about people but only certain people/kingdom and will do what she thinks is best for them despite maybe hurting others in the process but it’s okay it’s best for them” similar to how I imagine qibli that’s where he got it from and vulture heavily leaning towards the morally grey of “oh I’m doing what’s best for me and me only sorry 😂😂😂” I do wish however when thorn became queen Tui kept the more morally ehhhhh parts of thorn she kind of gets toned down when she becomes queen even though a whole thing of her character is that. She ran part of the scorpion den your moral compass is going to be iffy after that yknow???? I wish she didn’t try to make her just silly she’s silly AND fucked up. Morally grey thorn my beloved and it just fits her character as a whole more!!! Her being queen felt like a convenient way to put an end to book 5 but honestly I don’t mind it that much? I liked her character more in Sunny’s book but her being queen is an okay move not the best but it could’ve gone alot worse. Id think that she was BY FAR not the best option to be queen if she was actually kept like book 5 her but the eye of onyx was like “well. everyone sucks.” I also think about her and stone mover a lot not as partners but T4t then they got divorced and now they’re buddies and thorn visits stonemover sometimes to tell him all the weird stuff that’s happened in the sand kingdom and also to talk about qibli and sunny. Even though thorn and morrowseer had only one interaction over stonemover I find their quick conversation very… interesting? It’s street-smarts vs people smarts and kinda wish we got a little bit more of that. I don’t particularly like thorn x smolder, mainly because headcanon thorn as a lesbian, iffy age gap and also don’t really like the pairing with thorn because that also goes against thorn not being royalty and standing against the royals but then dating a prince. I think of them as just buddies who got thrown into the limelight of royalty either being born into it or gaining it and bonding over the fact that they have way too much spotlight on them!! Smolder also shows thorn all of the weird little hidden areas of the stronghold (like those bookshelf’s that rotate and then bam there’s a whole other room back there) and thorn helps smolder with coming back into society after the Sandwing war of succession because it literally just happened

FOR SMOLDER

Smolder doesn’t really hold that much space in my brain? I REALLY like his design and honestly headcanon him to look very similar to char I do actually really enjoy him as a character minus the thorn stuff, specifically I really like him in deserters where he’s the cowardly prince and continues to stay that way. I do enjoy how he builds around oasis as this all powerful dragon if a PRINCE has to act this way in order to survive hell what’s the queen like??? His relationship with palm also is a bit sad and again goes to show oasis as this all controlling the queen was to where he feared himself and his girlfriend would be put to death for just existing together. He’s like those princes in fairy tales where “oh I’m the big strong knight here to save the princess oh!! Dragon scary AHHH” and he runs off and I think that’s a really funny contrast to thorn who is exactly the opposite, I’d also think he’d kinda act as a mediator to thorn when she gets too pissed and also helps her navigate the political system of pyrriha because hell she knows nothing about it and he’s been a prince all his life. I think they’re buddies, and as it stands smolder in canon for me is eehhh story-roll wise. Love him personality wise but he just really doesn’t have enough on him to call him my favorite, neutral about him canonically love the one in my head though.