#i really want to transfer the whole thing to ao3 but i | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

messrmoonyy · 9 months ago

Text

- you sunshine, you temptress

Tess Servopoulos x Female reader

Request- already in like Jackson, and so Ellie and Joel live together but Tess doesn’t. They’re new in town so they’re still not used to the whole nice civilized thing, but the reader is her nice neighbor who wears her down. She plants stuff and even like cooks for tess. But she’s not a wimp either, very skilled with guns and stuff. Just a fic where they meet and like reader takes care of Tess. Smut too if you want

A/N- I took this request and ran with it. It took me a long ass time I apologise but I do really like how this turned out. It became far more angsty than I’m sure you wanted it to be but. Here we are. I wanted to explore an idea that Tess didn’t like Jackson and took time to adjust, didn’t really like reader as well. Tess leaning to adjust and love and be loved. Also in transferring this over none of my italics saved and I could’nt be fucked to go back through this again and add them back lmao

Warnings- 18+ | tess is quite low for the majority of this, canon compliant discussions of death and violence, vague/ implied smut (wc- 13.2k )

Tess masterlist | AO3 - Tess requests are open but not currently top priority

SPRING

Tess didn’t like Jackson. Not at first. The drastic change from Boston to the nomadic lifestyle she had been living with Ellie and Joel as they crossed the country had been difficult enough. But to then transfer to something so wildly different from both of those things? Yeah. It took some getting used to.

She didn’t quite know what she had been expecting really. Maybe something like Boston but without the soldiers. Small pockets of people doing their own things to get by, together for safety but nothing much else. Not the working, thriving town she had walked into. Not the cleanliness, the stores, the diner, the hot water- that apparently was only a little temperamental in the colder months compared to year round like Boston- and clean clothes. Jobs. Families. Farming. She felt like she was in an alternate dimension.

She didn’t like the way everyone was so… cheerful. Which was a weird thing to say, but it was true. Because it threw her off.

She had developed her own bubble of happiness with Joel and Ellie over the months. They laughed together at Ellie’s shitty jokes, shared in her joy when she found a can of ravioli she liked. But would be stoney faced in an instant to protect each other. Joel and Ellie she loved like family, they were her family. She was used to warm smiles from them, a desire to be near her and talk to her. She wasn’t used to it from others.

Other people were scared of her. They moved out of her way and they did as she asked. They kept their heads down in case they upset her and they didn’t cross her path. But not in Jackson. No.

They smiled at her in the street, asked her how she was, said good morning.

And it spooked her. She didn’t like it. And she hated that she didn’t. That she had become so hardened that genuine kindness scared her. Because no one was kind anymore. No one showed care unless they wanted something else in return.

So she didn’t know how to take it. She wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the new found trust people had in her, their ease at having her around. To her surprise Joel didn’t seem to be struggling as much. He had Tommy back after all and that seemed to be easing his discomfort. Ellie was fitting in… kinda. Her colourful vocabulary and brashness had put some of the kids off at first. But they seemed to be warming to her now.

So it was just her. Trapped in some odd isolated headspace where she didn’t quite know what to do. She didn’t mention it to Joel, didn’t want to interfere with him and Tommy as they rebuilt their relationship again. Maria had tried to pull Tess into things more, and Tess liked her. Maria didn’t take shit, she had power and was in charge. People respected her. And she didn’t let Tess mope around for too long either.

But even Maria couldn’t quite pull her out of that disconnected state completely.

Part of her felt she was being ungrateful. She was alive and as safe as anyone could possibly hope to be in the current climate. Joel was alive. Ellie was alive. She was alive. But there was just… something.

Maybe a sick part of her missed it. Missed Boston. But then again maybe it wasn’t so sick. She hadn’t liked Boston really. But spending so long in one place would always make it hard to leave behind. Even the things she had so often complained about. She found she couldn’t even sleep on her new bed, Jackson having been looked after for so long that the mattress was actually still soft. She was too used to the lumpy one in the zone, and sleeping on the ground for months.

She’d been sleeping on the couch since she’d arrived. If she even managed to sleep at all, unable to fall asleep on the soft sheets and bed.

She missed her power too. Got tetchy when she thought about who was running operations back in the zone now. Who was living in her and Joel’s apartment, had they found their stash? Who was selling her shit and walking around like she had? She had to remind herself she shouldn’t care. That wasn’t her life anymore. It never would be again. Boston was a distant memory she needed to put to rest.

But it was difficult.

The new house felt too big. The town too clean. The people too nice. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with herself. She mildly regretted living separately from Joel. Just out of… familiarity. She wasn’t used to such an open space to herself. Even before the outbreak the house she had shared with her husband and son hadn’t been so big. And she had had two other bodies to fill the space.

In Boston that tiny apartment she had had Joel to fill the gaps.

But she knew she couldn’t impose on him any longer. Joel was handsome and mellowing. He would no doubt find someone in town… and she couldn’t be the one to stand in the way of that. Especially seeing as she herself had no desire to go there. Their relationship had always been purely platonic and she had no intention of changing that.

So when Maria had asked, she had taken her own place. Ellie had taken the garage. They all had their own space. But those two seemed far better at living in it than she was.

It had taken that stark shift though for her to realise that maybe she simply wasn’t made for being alone. She had met her husband in college. They had moved in together immediately after, and had their son young. Then she’d fallen into the group heading for Boston, met Joel… she’d never really been alone.

Though she also wasn’t particularly doing anything to change that either. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. Back in Boston she��d get lonely from time to time, would go out and pick someone up with ease. Now? She didn’t know where that confidence had gone.

She felt people looking at her when she ventured out. She knew she wasn’t exactly unattractive, she knew people liked to look. But she had no desire to pursue. She didn’t even entertain them for a second. And they all grew bored of trying and moved on.

Everyone was friendly enough, but some kept their distance when they realised she wasn’t the… happiest of people. But one person didn’t let the permanent frown glued to Tess’ face deter them.

You.

You lived across the street from her, would wave hello every morning when Tess ventured out to find out what tasks Maria had to keep her busy for the day. You’d smile. You’d say hello. You even left her things on the porch.

And you liked flowers.

She gathered that pretty quickly. The window boxes were full, potted bushes and blooms littered your porch and edge of the dirt path street. It made her own place look incredibly dull. But maybe that was fitting.

She’d never been one for flowers. So expensive for them to just sit and wilt away in a vase, to be left with nothing but some crisped petals and dead stems within a week. So amongst the sandwiches and pies left at her door, the odd flowering embellishments she knew came from you.

A lot of people in town left stuff for her and Joel, to welcome them. To give them things they needed. She didn’t like accepting any of it. She didn’t like the feeling of… owing people. Feeling like they would have a hold over her, that they had given her a new jacket so now she owed them something. That you had left her a pie so now you were owed something too.

So she left the majority of it exactly where it was placed on the porch, Maria being the one to bring them inside for her.

“ You are gonna attract every damn animal in town if you keep leaving this stuff on your porch Tess “ Maria used as a greeting when Tess opened the door one morning, seeing the woman standing there with what seemed to be a loaf in her hands “ and wasting food? Really? Especially this? Now this looks delicious. Still warm too “ Tess scoffed but before she could speak she heard your voice.

“ Good morning Maria! Good morning Tess! “ she looked over Maria’s shoulder to see you jogging down your porch steps and waving, thankfully turning to walk into town rather than try and start a conversation

“ morning hun “ Maria responded with a smile, glancing over to Tess when she ignored you as she always did.

“ what? “ Maria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in the way she so often did when she was at her wits end. Usually with Ellie and Joel’s bickering.

“ I’ve told you a million times. We all get along here. It’s a small town Tess, you can’t have grudges. Or.. at least public ones. I have a few secret ones myself “ Tess sighed and stepped back to let Maria inside, who only sighed too when she eyed the blanket on the couch “ you’re still sleeping on the couch? “

Tess brushed her off and grabbed her boots from by the door, sitting down to pull them on. She could already sense another of Maria’s lectures brewing, and the headache pulsing behind her temples made her hope she’d hold off on it.

“ I just fell asleep there I was… reading “ Maria did not seem even remotely convinced and walked through to place the bread down in the kitchen.

“ And what’s with the silent treatment with the doll across the street? “

“ she’s too… happy “ Maria laughed and shook her head

“ She's harmless. She’s kind “

“ she’s fuckin annoying “ Maria’s eyebrows flew up and she gave a small laugh again

“ Theresa “ it sounded almost scolding. Tess scoffed at that “ you sound like Ellie “ Tess scoffed again. Fucking Ellie?

“ calling me a kid now Maria? “

“ yeah. Cause you’re acting like one “ she sighed and stood with her hands on her hips, the way that told anyone nearby that she meant business. To shut the fuck up and listen to her “ you’re here now. And you need to stop isolating yourself “ she walked over to her and placed a hand to her arm, a gentle comforting squeeze “ I know it’s hard. I do. But you have to try “

She knew she did. She was just stubborn and stuck in her ways. And you really were… peppy. One of those people that seemed constantly in a good mood, seeing the world through rose tinted glasses and trying to spread your joy.

Tess’ own glasses had smashed a long long time ago. And she saw no reason for the amount of joy you seemed to hold.

“ I’m trying “

“ Try harder then “ Maria said before folding her arms and tilting her head a little as she watched her “ what’s going on with you? “ Tess stood up again and ran a hand through her hair, wishing she knew. Wishing she had the words to explain.

But how could she? How could she tell Maria that she wanted to go home? She wanted Boston back. That she felt out of place in Jackson and had never felt as lonely as she did in her entire life.

“ I’m fine. I’m just tired. Shall we go? “ Maria didn’t seem convinced but nodded, following her outside.

It was a nice day. Spring was in full swing now, in the weeks between Salt Lake City and settling into town the chill of winter had finally disappeared. She could see daffodils sprouting in the window boxes of your house. Her own were barron.

“ I’ve put you on farming rotation today. Sounds good? “ she nodded “ okay. It’s easy enough. Pot things, label things, pull things. It’s quite therapeutic “ she’d be the judge of that one.

She followed Maria around to the greenhouses, watching how people greeted her and smiled when they saw her. She didn’t know whether she was jealous or annoyed.

“ okay. Greenhouse 4, shouldn’t take more than a couple hours. When you’ve finished in there come find me if you want to help out some more. Okay? "She followed where Maria was pointing and stopped when she spotted someone already inside greenhouse 4.

“ are you fuckin kidding me Maria“

You.

Maria smiled and squeezed her shoulders, leaning close to her ear

“ Be nice “ Tess scoffed and turned to try and beg her to assign her anywhere else but there, but Maria was already walking off.

“ Maria- “

“ be. Nice! “

“ fuck “ she gave a frustrated huff and headed into the greenhouse, you turned around at the sound with that usual beaming smile on your face. She didn’t have the energy for this today. Didn’t have the energy for you.

“ Oh hi. I didn’t know I was paired with you today “ she stood not really knowing what she was supposed to do, annoyance practically steaming out of her ears “ you wanna get that side and I’ll continue with this side? Seeds are in that bag there, compost and soil is there, tools in the crate under the table. Okay? “

She gave a small nod and headed for the crate of tools, pulling out a small trowel and grabbing a pot. But she found her hands refusing to move. Simply staring down at the equipment in her hands. It felt like a weight was pushing down on her shoulders, crushing her chest, turning all of her muscles to lead.

“ I thought Maria would’ve had you trained up for patrols by now “ you said lightly, the sound of your trowel filling another pot “ from what I’ve heard your pretty handy with a gun “

What had you heard?

“ yeah “ she said, almost having to force herself to reply “ soon… they don’t like new people straight on patrol “ her hands still wouldn’t move.

“ figures. You could always ask her to put you on my regular route at first if you like. It’s one of the busier ones, you seem a little stressed. And well blowing the head off a clicker might be beneficial “ you laughed as you said it but quite frankly she felt you were right.

She didn’t like being unarmed. Adults in town were allowed to own their own weapons but weren’t to bring them out of their house unless they were heading on patrol. Her back pocket felt too empty without her gun there. Her fingers itched to hold it, if only for the familiarity of the metal on her fingers.

“ or why don’t you see if she’ll assign you on the hunting crew? Shooting rabbits isn’t exactly as fun as putting down clickers but. You know it’s something “ you seemed fully convinced that the answer to Tess’ supposed stress was killing something one way or another.

What had you heard about her? Who had been talking?

“ right “ she still hadn’t potted a single seed, some unmoving crushing sense of dread still heavy on her shoulders.

She didn’t know why the weight of her problems was weighing her down so heavily in the last few days. She didn’t know why she couldn’t just adjust to Jackson. Why was she feeling more anxious and depressed in the safest possible place she could be, than when she had been living under the looming threat of being murdered everyday?

No normal person's mind worked that way. No normal decent person craved the life she had once had. The familiarity back at least. She felt sick.

You were humming a song to yourself now. It felt irrationally loud in her ears. She could hear Maria’s voice in her head too. Telling her to try. To try be nice. Try to mingle.

“ thank you. For the bread “ she said in an attempt at conversation. She’d known it was you that had left it. Had seen the sprig of some kind of flower tucked into the cloth it was wrapped in. Obviously you “ but I don’t need charity “

“ it’s not charity “ you said, the sound of your tools stilling “ it’s a gift. I don’t know… welcome to town gesture that’s all “

“ Whatever it was. I don’t need it “ maybe this wasn’t exactly nice. But it needed to be said “ you can take it back if you want. I haven’t touched it “

“ alright “ she didn’t have to look at you to know your face would be reminiscent of a kicked puppy “ keep the lavender though. It’s calming… it’ll help you sleep” she turned around to look at you then. How did you know she wasn’t sleeping?

“ how- “

“ I came from a QZ myself, I spent years after that roaming. I know it takes time to adjust Tess. I barely slept a wink when I first got here… paranoid an infected was gonna jump me in my sleep or FEDRA was gonna come arrest me cause they suspected me of rebel activity… silly I know but. Our brains are hardwired into survival mode and it takes some time to shake it off “

It sounded genuinely sincere. Caring. She barely knew you and yet you seemed as though you actually wanted to help her. It made her skin prickle.

“ yeah. Well. I’m not you “ she turned back around as if to resume her previous activity. Though she had still not potted a single seed.

“ That's very clear “ even annoyed you sounded remotely cheerful still. Like no malice truly laced your words.

What was she doing here? The world was a hell hole, it was full of shitty people all doing shitty things. And there she was planting fucking carrots. In some odd altercation with you about her behaviour.

“ Tess? Everything okay? "Your hand falling on her shoulder shocked her into reality. She stepped away from your touch, moving so quickly it was as if you’d burnt her, heading for the door. She felt like she was suffocating she needed to get out “ Tess? “

“ I- I have to go “ you hurried out after her and she took a deep breath of the fresh air trying to calm herself. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t skittish and scared. She didn’t get anxious and erratic. She didn’t recognise herself anymore.

“ Can I do anything? I can get Maria or-“

“ look. I know you mean well. But I don’t need… any of this. I don’t need you thinking you’re helping all of the time “ her words were harsh and as much as you annoyed her, it was like looking at a kicked puppy “ just. Stop “

She turned away from you and headed straight for home. Home. Home that felt nothing like the word.

She felt ungrateful. People were sleeping out in the woods or in derelict buildings basically waiting to be attacked by infected. And she had a house. Warmth. Safety. But she couldn’t shake the feelings and she hated it.

She closed the town out behind her, closing the door and leaning against it to catch her breath. Why was this all so difficult for her? Why was she so incapable of adjusting to some kind of regular society again?

She debated talking to Joel. If anyone in town understood her it was him. Joel knew her inside out, could talk to her with just a look, knew what she was going to do before she did it. But he was settling in fine. He wasn’t struggling like she was. She didn’t want to weigh him down with that when he finally seemed so light.

She hid away for the rest of the day, almost expecting Maria to come and drag her back out again. But she didn’t to her relief. She had her peace and quiet to mope. To wallow in her own stupid sadness and isolation.

Until the evening.

She sighed when there was a knock on the door, probably Ellie ready to go charging around the room rambling off every piece of information about her day with an amused Joel in tow. Though she actually wouldn’t mind that.

But it wasn’t Ellie. Or Joel.

“ hey “

“ I thought- “

“ I know. Look. I just wanted to come and tell you I was sorry if I offended you or something. You just… you seemed like you needed a friend and I wanted to help “ she could tell you genuinely meant it. That you truly were one of those people that was just… nice. Good. Even after the past two decades that had twisted and warped so many others, herself included, you had somehow remained what she assumed was the same.

“ well I don’t… need any help “ you gave a small nod but didn’t immediately leave, shuffling a little awkwardly on the spot “ anything else? “

“ I noticed. I noticed you don’t have anything in the window boxes. I have some spare seeds… flowers can really help brighten the place up. I find that on sad days it’s always a little bit nicer to look at a flower than an empty box “ she opened her mouth to decline, to tell you she didn’t want you in her way. But you seemed to anticipate it “ you won’t even have to see me. Or talk to me. I can do it when you’re not home or if you are I can… I can just knock so you know I’m there. So you can wait for me to leave or- it’s just an idea “

She figured that in the long run giving you something to do that you might take as being helpful, might actually make you leave her alone a little more. And so, ever so slightly reluctantly, she sighed and nodded.

“ fine “ the smile on your face after that almost made her want to smile too. Almost. So kind. So genuine. So… bright.

“ yeah? Okay. Do you have any preferences? Or allergies? Colours maybe- “ she lifted a hand in a silent request for you to shut up.

Be nice.

She closed her eyes for a moment and gave a steady sigh, forcing some attempt at a smile onto her face.

“ anything. Anything is fine “ you gave a nod and turned slightly before pausing. You seemed to debate something for a moment before delving into your pocket and pulling out a small jar of something that looked like jam.

“ I know… I know you said you didn’t want- it goes real nice with the bread “ she waited a second before taking it from your hands. You said nothing else, just gave her a small nod of a goodbye and headed down the steps and across the street.

That evening she ate bread with the jam. It was annoyingly good.

———————————

You’d appeared the next morning to plant the seeds. And then you tended to them everyday. Watering them and doing god knows what to the soil. You would let her know you were there each time, a small knock on the door that you didn’t even mind if she didn’t answer. Just letting her know you were out there. Just as you’d said.

And as time passed she found herself answering it from time to time. Just poking her head around the door to see what you were doing, always there with your small watering can and a smile.

And that was okay. You were okay. Nothing else in her life felt right at that moment. But having a new constant did. And she had to admit that even when she woke up on the couch, rubbing at her sore neck, seeing the sprouts through the window almost made her crack a smile. Almost.

SUMMER

As the cold completely shifted from Jackson’s air she found that not even the warmth could truly raise her mood completely. Everyone in town seemed far more cheery, like the sun had some odd healing ability to make everyone more joyful after the bitter winter and the final week of spring which had been nothing but solid rain fall.

Though Tess, begrudgingly enough, found that her own joys still only stemmed from her family. But also from you. As much as she refused to admit it, she’d found herself looking forward to your small knocks on her door each morning, or on mornings where she left early for patrol she found herself almost hoping you’d be on the porch with your watering can and your smile.

Which she didn’t exactly understand or care to understand either. In fact she blatantly ignored the voices in her head warning that she was going soft. That she was beginning to almost look at you as some kind of friend.

She opened the door more often than not now, even made attempts to ask you about the flowers or ask about your day. You never probed her about herself which she liked. You didn’t pry. You let her be. You let her keep her walls fiercely guarded without so much as a complaint. And she kind of hated the fact that made her like you a little more.

And that morning was no different to the rest now, you had knocked and she had gone out to say hello. Had offered you tea and you had accepted as you so often did.

Her night had been filled with bad dreams. And she had feared that it would send her into another one of those days. Where she wanted to do nothing but hide and mope. But she had forced herself to go outside. At least to say hello.

Annoyingly to her, Maria had been right. And she lived there now. And that meant she had to try. She had to try adjust. Fit in. Be… nice.

She still felt wary around you. Maybe even more so because of how she was beginning to sort of like you. Or maybe tolerate was the better word. She told herself it was anyway. But she had been in Jackson a few months at this point. And after a few months your joy and happiness was bound to wear her down. Even if she was reluctant about it.

“ you know if you take good enough care of these they’ll bloom next spring too “ you said as she hovered by the door watching you “ it takes time and care though. Pretty things but strong enough to survive the winter if they’re tended too correctly “ your eyes flitted up to her for a moment as you said it and she felt the statement were a little more loaded than just being about the flowers.

“ I’ll leave that up to you “ you smiled warmly and looked back down at the plants.

“ here’s hoping “

Tess watched you carefully, still unsure exactly how to pinpoint what she was feeling. She was beginning to like having you around. But also your joy drove her insane. You were annoying. So unbelievably annoying with your bright smile and desire to care.

And yet… you had managed to be the one to coax her out of the house. Yes it was only to her porch but it was still out. You had given her something to almost look forward to each day.

She didn’t like it.

“ oh shit “ she blinked a couple of times to drag herself out of her head to see blood in her peripheral, dripping between your fingers and between the floorboards of the porch.

“ what did you- “

“ fucking sheers they slipped I. Look, it's fine it’s just a cut… You got a bandage or something? “ Tess nodded and glanced towards her door. She realised how bad it would seem to keep you out on the porch. To just leave you there whilst she went looking. But also the thought of you in her home…

“ yeah. Do you wanna… come in? Wanna wash it or something “ part of her almost wished you’d say no, but the relief on your face made her regret the thought instantly

“ thanks Tess “ she headed straight for the kitchen. Not even looking to see if you were behind her, rummaging around in a cupboard for her box of medical supplies.

“ wash it. The sink “ she murmured, watching you carefully from the corner of her eye as you headed for the sink beside her, cupping your hand in some attempt to not drip blood onto the tiles. She looked at your bloody hands, ignoring the guilt rising in her chest at the fact you had injured yourself doing something for her, and reached out for you. She held your cut hand in her palm, leading it carefully under the water. She could feel you watching her, eyes almost burning into her skin as she gently washed away the blood and the soil.

She focussed on the pink swirls twisting down the drain rather than looking at you.

She didn’t like it. Didn’t like how you put her on edge. She didn’t want to go delving into why exactly that was either. Why in the space of 6 months she had gone from despising your very existence, to having you in her home because you’d hurt yourself tending to her flowers. It was a lot to try and process all in one go.

“ Marias always laughing at me “ you said as she turned off the water “ says I’m one of the best snipers in town yet I’m clumsy as shit with anything else. Can shoot a clicker miles off but can’t handle a pair of gardening shears? Idiot “

Maria had told her all about your impressive skills out on patrols. She was yet to see them for herself though, Maria hadn’t paired you together yet. Thankfully. Though she couldn’t lie that curiosity on the matter was strong. She’d always had some morbid fascination with the nicest of people that were able to kill like it was second nature.

A silent chaos raging behind a gentle smile.

“ guns more important than sheers “

“ well that depends on the situation don’t you think? Gun won’t help clip the weeds “

She bandaged your hand silently with the care and tenderness that few saw from her, wrapping it up and admiring her work for a second.

She stood back when she was done not exactly knowing what to say anymore. And she hated it. Despised it. Tess always knew what to say. She was always one step ahead of everyone in the room, but she faltered when it came to you. And she didn’t know why. Or what power you seemed to hold over her as of late. Was it your kindness? Was it the simple fact that you had never shown her nothing but care and respect since day one and she just didn’t know how to accept it? Maybe.

She wandered if you noticed how she looked out of place in her own home. Surrounded by so many things that she had no connection to. Objects that weren’t hers, placed into a house that had once been lived in by others. Loved by others.

Like so many others she had gotten used to not getting attached to materialistic things. She could see you glancing around, how you could probably see that from the way the place looked so… bare. Unloved by her. Un- lived in by her. That you probably figured it out pretty quickly.

You were watching her intently as you wandered the kitchen and she didn’t like it, she didn’t like the way you made her feel like a prey animal ready to dart any moment. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t prey. She wasn’t the hunted. She was the hunter. She was the one with the upper hand.

But not with you. Not with you and your unyielding kindness and desire to know her.

So she turned around and started packing away the medical box slowly and carefully. Just to give her hands something to do.

“ why are you so afraid of me? “ you asked suddenly and she turned around with a confused look on her face. Afraid of you? Why would she possibly be afraid of someone like you.

“ what are you talking about? “

“ you’re afraid. You won’t let me in. You barely even let me be your friend. You keep trying to scare me away with being so… miserable. You have to let people in Tess… and I think it’s because you’re scared yourself I- “

“ I’m not afraid of you “ She said immediately. Her heckles raised at the intrusion. And at the confusion for your sudden lack of ability to not interfere “ are you afraid of me? “ she asked, her voice calm. And low and steady. Intimidating. The way she spoke to people in Boston who were pissing her off and she needed to remind them who she was. Her eyes had not left you for even a second. They were burning into you. Calculated. Smart. Intense.

Some desperate attempt and desire to keep you out. To make you back off. Even if it meant missing those morning knocks and tea on the porch. She couldn’t let you in. She wouldn’t.

But you weren’t afraid of her. You never had been. She could tell. You were stubborn. So unbearably kind but stubborn. Stubborn in the way you had kept up your daily visits even when she wouldn’t answer her door, in the way you still waved at her before she even spoke to you. So stubborn in the way you were standing your ground before her.

“ no. I know I should be. I know what you did. But I’m not “ she folded her arms across her chest, quirking a brow. Who had you been talking to? What could you possibly know. So you hadn’t been refraining from asking her questions all along, you’d been getting your information else where. She was almost impressed. It was smart. Calculated even.

At this point she wouldn’t be surprised if you’d cut yourself on purpose to get inside and make her talk.

“ oh? Oh you know what I did? “

“ someone in town… was gossiping I- everyone’s done bad things “ you said with a shrug.

“ what do you know? “ she advanced on you then. Slowly. Crossing the room to where you stood by the wall. You didn’t move. You held your ground.

“ a lot “

“ tell me “ she wanted to hear you say it. To confirm if what you knew was true. But also because maybe some sick part of her needed reminding what she had once been capable of. Of what she had been before she had become that misery of a human whose only joys came from her pseudo kid and the woman who planted flowers for her.

“ all the people you killed. Tortured “ your voice had dropped to almost a whisper as she stood in front of you. But you still didn’t look scared. And she couldn’t decide how that made her feel. Annoyed? Because she clearly didn’t hold the fear inducing powers she once had. Or… relieved? That she had finally come across someone that took what she had done and dusted it under the rug. Accepted it and moved on.

“ and it doesn’t scare you? “

“ you must’ve had your reasons “ there was a heavy tension hanging in the air, she could feel it thickly between you. Soon enough one of you would choke “ I know what you did. I don’t care. You can’t scare me away Tess “ at this point she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to.

No one had challenged her like that. No one like you anyway. No one so… sweet.

Her old self would’ve laughed. Would’ve laughed in your face and thrown you out. But then again. Her old self would’ve laughed at what she had become too.

Things had changed. And she needed to accept it.

“ stop trying to scare me off “ to her surprise you reached up, your hand gentle on her face. She recoiled at first. As if your fingers were steeped in acid and you’d blistered her skin with your touch. But you waited a moment and did it again. And she froze, unsure of what you were doing or how she was supposed to react to it “ I want to be your friend. Let me. You don’t have to scare every single person that wants to care for you away. If anything you damn well need it “

She didn’t know what to say. Stood there like she was made of stone with your gentle hand on her cheek, your face full of nothing but warmth and affection for her. She felt like a deer in headlights.

“ you don’t know what I need “ she finally spoke, taking a single step back so that your hand fell away. Though she was certain she could still feel it. A kind touch was so unfamiliar to her, so rare that it lingered in her skin “ you know nothing about me “

“ I know enough “ so stubborn. So unwilling to take no for an answer or let yourself be pushed away. She kind of liked it. Liked the challenge “ you have to let people in. Let me in. I know how you feel- “

“ how could you possibly know how I feel “ she almost spat “ you’ve lived here. Comfortable and safe “ you gave a small laugh at that

“ not always “ she didn’t know why she had assumed you had been there so long, maybe because you were so… settled. Adapted “ spent two years captured by a bunch of slavers before I even set foot in Jackson. I’m not some sheltered little girl born into comfort Tess “ she took a step back, eyes narrowing as she tried to asses the new information presented to her.

She knew about slavers. Had been taken by them herself at one point. But two years? She had been there two days, in a tiny camp as they prepared to move her to their main base before she’d managed to get away. Those two days had been hell. She couldn’t imagine two years.

Maybe she had underestimated you after all.

But before she could answer you properly there was another knock to her door.

“ only me! “ Maria’s voice sounded as she entered the house, opening her mouth to say something else but stopping when she saw you stood there. She looked violently overjoyed “ oh! I’m sorry. Didn’t know you had company “ it must have been an odd sight to walk into. Tess as stoney faced as ever and you practically gazing at her.

“ sorry I- “

“ did you need something? “ Tess asked

“ lunch, the whole family. Good haul from the hunting crew today “ family. Her family. As dysfunctional as it was she very much wanted to escape the current situation and see them “ but if you’re busy- “

“ no. I’m not. She was just leaving “ she glanced over at you as you gave a small nod and a smile, quietly excusing yourself and heading for the door.

“ just. Think about what I said Tess? I’ll see you tomorrow “

She didn’t hear the end of that for the entirety of lunch. Maria not usually one to pry. But knowing very much that Ellie and Tommy would. Casually mentioning it and… that was that.

Ellie seemed particularly delighted. Looking at her in a way that she recognised from her own childhood when she realised liking girls wasn’t just a her thing. That she wasn’t the only one. But Tess didn’t probe. Though she was happy in the knowledge Ellie would come to her if she needed.

“ y’know I think it’s real nice “ Joel said to her when she stepped outside stating she needed a little air “ she’s softenin you “ Tess scoffed and folded her arms across her chest

“ you have no idea what you’re talking about. She’s a neighbour. And she looks after the flowers. She’s a pain in my ass”

“ baby steps Tess “ she glanced over at him and he was giving her that look that said he knew something was going on inside her head “ you leave the house more now “

“ to my porch and back “ she mumbled not entirely wanting to get into that conversation. She was not in the mood to discuss her long hours trapped inside her house. And her head.

“ baby. Steps “ she sighed and ran a hand over her face. She was tired.

“ she wants to be my friend “ it sounded so unbelievably juvenile to say out loud. She almost regretted saying it

“ and… you don’t want that? “

“ no “ she said maybe a little too quickly

“ right “ she could feel him watching her, trying to read her as he so often did. The way only two people who had been together for so long could do “ I don’t think I believe that “

“ I’m not asking you to “ he sighed again, used to her stubbornness. Her bad moods.

“ you are allowed to have friends Tess. And… more than that. I don’t know what that girls intentions are, I don’t pretend to know how your mind works either. But if you really didn’t like her then why are you still lettin her around? Tess I know would’ve told her to fuck off and threatened her for good measure for even tryna talk to you if you didn’t like her “

“ you’re talking shit “ he laughed and shrugged

“ you’re proving my point. Tess. Just do something. If you want her? Go get her. Tess I know would. And if not? Tell her to leave you be. Cause this mood you’re in… it’s not nice to see “

“ ‘ the Tess you know’ “ she muttered under breath. She didn’t feel like that Tess anymore.

By the time she walked home she couldn’t tell if she was more annoyed by the entire situation or relieved by it because somehow Joel of all people had begun to put things into perspective for her.

Maybe it was both.

Though the annoyance was slightly winning out. She wasn’t soft. She didn’t like the implications that you were softening her. She was stronger than that. Stronger than you. She hadn’t pushed you away because Maria said she needed to be nice. That’s why.

It was.

Wasn’t it?

She felt a sudden desperate need to prove to herself that what she was thinking was correct. And not Joel.

She was not soft. She was in control.

She didn’t quite know what it was that compelled her feet to head up your porch steps rather than her own. Knocking on the door before she’d even fully come to a halt.

Waiting impatiently for you to answer, looking a little surprised to see her when you did appear.

She pushed past the threshold, watching you take a step back in mild confusion at her sudden intrusion, cupping your face in both her hands and kissing you. You stumbled for barely half a second, kissing her back with a muffled moan and your fingers wrapping around her wrists.

The confidence she was used to felt far more present in your space, in the four walls of your home rather than her own.

She pressed you up against the closest wall, kissing you like her life depended on it. Far more in control than she was a few hours earlier. Than she had been in a while.

And this was it. This was the familiarity she had craved wasn’t it? This was the power she had been missing, the ability to take what she wanted when she wanted it. Even when she wasn’t entirely sure it was what she wanted.

So why didn’t it feel the same. Why did it not even slightly fill the void in her chest.

You were breathing heavily as she pulled away to catch her own breath, a joyful almost dopey smile on your face. You looked so incredibly beautiful. Sweet.

She’d break you. She would. She knew she would. It was a vicious awful cycle. Anyone she got close to got hurt. Friend or… more. It would all end the same way.

“ this won’t end well “ she said quietly, not entirely meaning to say it out loud. The words escaping her as she watched you, someone so beautiful and kind didn’t belong with someone like her.

Someone who had not let the awful things that happened to them twist them into something unrecognisable. In the way that Tess had.

It would be a mess.

“ maybe not “ you answered, voice just as quiet “ but did you ever stop to think that maybe it will be okay? “

“ no “ you laughed softly, head leaning back against the wall and your eyes falling closed for a moment. She wished she could have such a carefree look. She didn’t think her face even knew how to relax into such an expression.

“ have a little faith “

AUTUMN

It had been over 20 years since her life had completely fallen apart. And a lot could happen in 20 years. A lot had happened. Tess was good at having bad shit happen and then burying it so deep down that she didn’t have to think about it. She was good at having a blank face when inside she was screaming. But in the end, one person could only hide so much stuff for so long. Eventually it would spill. And every now and again it did.

And when it did? It was suffocating.

It struck her out of no where. She never saw it coming.

Sometimes it almost scared her. Scared her that the stuff she had done wasn’t even the worst of what kept her up at night. She had no remorse for the people she had killed. Tortured. Those bodies and those sounds. They didn’t haunt her. The stuff that had come before that had damaged her beyond repair.

The first few years had been the worst. Before FEDRA had full control, before any rules were in full effect. When everyone ran rampant, when people looted and murdered because they felt like it. When groups formed and did whatever they wanted. To who they wanted. When Tess had been alone. Had left her home with nothing but the clothes on her back and ran. And ran. And by some miracle survived.

That time before Joel. Before the entirety of the group making their way up to Boston.

Tess didn’t get scared. She wasn’t afraid of things. But she had been back then. She had been so afraid.

So utterly powerless and out of control.

She tried to see the positives as ridiculous as it sounded. Tried to twist the shitty things that had happened. The shitty things that she had done. She had done them to survive. And maybe that scared her even more. That she felt justified in her actions.

That she could think back to certain people she had tortured. Killed. Ambushed. And justify it. Not feel as though she had done the wrong thing at all.

And that she would do it all again if she needed to.

She would throw herself in front of trucks feigning an injury. Just a poor, defenceless woman. Beg for help only for Joel and the others to spring from the bushes and take everything they had. She’d kill every man and woman that got in the way of her rise in the smuggling ring. She’d tortured ever last piece of information out of those fuckers who had taken Ellie. Murdered every. Last. Firefly. In that hospital.

All again. A million times over.

But her humanity was still in her somewhere. Buried deep down but there. And when it reared its head it was ugly. Filled with words to make her feel like the worst person alive. Fill her ears with the strangled cries of her son. The sickening sound of the blood that pooled in her husband’s throat.

It made her feel numb. Like she was floating. No longer in her body and desperately trying to claw her way back down to it.

“ Tess? “ she was too lost to react. Too deep inside her own head to even turn around and look at you. But she knew that voice. The voice that had become as familiar as Maria’s. Ellie’s. Joels “ Tess what are you doing it’s freezing out here “ your voice was soft compared to the voices that were screeching inside her head, soothing. Gentle. Quieter yet somehow speaking over the screaming ones.

Your hands fell onto her arm and she flinched, shifting away from your touch.

“ hey. Sorry “ you said softly, hands raised in some kind of surrender “ won’t touch you again “ the voices were still shouting at her, but a little further off now. Like she was on one side of the room and they were on the other. And wasn’t that interesting. Where in the past only Joel had been able to coax her back to reality. Ground her. Now you had. And she had known you far less “ can I sit? “ she gave a small nod and you sat down, leaving a small gap between you both.

Things between the two of you had been a little different as of late.

You hadn’t kissed since that day she’d barged through your front door and re established that she was very much the one holding the reins. But she was letting herself be lighter. Trying her hardest to open up to you. To go into town more. Smile back at people. And it was hard. And slow going. But she was getting there.

Baby steps. Like Joel had said.

“ I’m gonna go get a blanket okay? It’s so cold “ she listened as you went inside, returning a few moments later.

“ why are you here? “ she asked as you sat down beside her again, wrapping the blanket around you both.

“ I was out on late patrol. I saw the light on… was gonna come see why you were still up. Have a chat or something… you didn’t answer so I just poked my head inside and I saw the back door was open“

She gave a small nod and continued staring out at the backyard. She hadn’t really done much to it. But there was a rope swinging attached to the large tree at the bottom now. Ellie loved it.

“ do you need to talk? About anything? “ you asked quietly “ it’s what friends are for you know. Talking “

“ I’ve never been very good at friends “ you gave a small laugh and nodded

“ yeah. I figured that one out myself “ you shuffled a little closer to her, nudging her leg with yours “ you must’ve had friends at some point “

The ones that truly stuck in her mind were Bill and Frank. Frank would’ve loved you she realised very quickly. You were so alike. So happy. Made to see the positive in absolutely every single thing. Yet becoming friends with Frank had been far easier than becoming friends with you.

She’d been different back then.

“ I had. I had friends “ she started, realising in that moment that she had never actually spoken about Bill and Frank since they’d died. Her and Joel had done as they always had and refused to talk about it. Let it settle and weigh heavy until it began to dissipate on its own “ they lived a few miles out of Boston. Met them over the radio “

“ they weren’t in a zone? “

“ no. Bill… fuckin crazy been planning for doomsday his whole life. Had the whole town mapped out and wired up “ she actually cracked a small smile thinking about it “ Frank though. I think. I think he’s the closest thing to a friend I really had “

She missed him. She missed them both. And missing Bill was something she never thought she’d feel, even if he was more open to her company than Joel’s.

You listened diligently as she spoke about Lincoln. Dinners in the garden and Bills stash of supplies, the awkwardness that always lingered between Bill and Joel. The bi monthly drop offs that had started increasing in distance as Frank got sicker and Bill got older. And then finding them with Ellie. The silent moment she had taken in the garden to cry for her lost friends whilst Ellie showered and Joel fixed the car.

“ they sound like amazing people “ she shrugged and glanced over at you for a moment. And maybe it was silly of her to take so long to realise it. But maybe she had a friend in you, maybe more than that. Maybe she had done all along and had been too blinded by her own self loathing and moping around to truly notice it.

It was the early hours of the morning and there you were, sat on her porch steps in the dark. Listening to her talk. Comforting her. And she realised that you were exactly what she needed. In that moment and every other moment to follow. Your compassion and your calming force of a personality. The way you cared…. Loved even. Your stubbornness. Your loyalty.

“ thank you “ she said quietly “ for being here “ you looked up at her and smiled. That warm, sweet smile that made even the coldest of days feel mild. Tess was all sharp edges and bitter words, someone so soft should be keeping a safe distance to ensure they didn’t get cut. But you weren’t afraid. You never had been “ for everything “ she didn’t want to elaborate and you didnt make her.

She reached forward to cup your face in her hand, thumb tracing over your cheekbone. You understood her in a way it had taken Joel 20 years to. Some odd force of nature that wiggled your way through the cracks in her heavily guarded walls.

Her eyes drifted down to your lips. Remembering the hard, forceful kiss you had shared that one time before. The kind she was used to. The kind she was good at. She wasn’t very good at being tender and caring. Kissing and all that lead from it had long since been something she did out of care and love. It was a means to an end. A release. A way to remind herself she was human.

But it didn’t have to be that way anymore.

“ you gonna kiss me or not? “ you whispered. And it made her lips twitch into a smile.

Tess had kissed a lot of people in her time. And if she was perfectly honest she wasn’t entirely a fan. Kisses were not like how the movies or books portrayed them most of the time. Uncoordinated or clumsy, too much teeth or tongue. She didn’t care much for kissing.

But kissing you was different. Kissing you was like a shot of adrenaline straight into her veins. It was the closest she felt she could come to understanding why Joel had been so hooked on pills before Ellie. It was addictive.

But something had changed now. Some locked gate inside of her had finally clicked open and you had seized the opportunity to slip your way inside. And she surprised herself with the realisation that it actually didn’t seem all that terrifying now, having you there. Having those feelings and thoughts.

Of course there was still… something. But it was less so.

Holding your face in her hand, your willingness to let her lead and melt into her. With every soft and gentle movement of her lips against yours she felt herself slipping. Like when the winter storms would hit Boston and her worn down boots couldn’t find grip on the icy paths.

But this slip wouldn’t end with her falling flat on her ass and nursing a bruised leg. You were keeping her tethered. Your fingers that were looped around her wrist, your hair that was tickling her face.

It made her feel startlingly real. Alive. Present. Present in a moment in a way she hadn’t done all day, she’d spent the day drifting. Some far off place in her head where her demons scrambled over her and suffocated the air out of her lungs. But she was breathing fine now, breathing in air that was yours, breathing as if you were her air.

She kissed you until her jaw started to ache, not sure how long it had been or how many quick seconds apart to catch her breath there had been. But when she finally did let you go the fog that had been blinding her all day seemed to have disappeared. Everything felt as though she were looking through glasses that had just had the lenses cleaned.

Sharper. Clearer.

“ it’s really fuckin cold “ she murmured, causing a giggle to bubble past your lips.

“ yeah. It’s freezing “ you didn’t seem even mildly pissed that that had been her first words after practically kissing your face off. Instead you both silently seemed to agree to go inside, collapsing onto her couch and kissing some more.

Something had shifted after that. Had changed after she’d woken up the following morning on the couch with you.

She actively chose to be around you, even more so than she had been. Spent enough time with you that people began to murmur about it. But she found she no longer cared.

There was still an odd weight looming in her chest, one she was certain may never actually go away. But it was far lighter than it had been.

WINTER

Tess had always preferred winter to summer. Especially after Boston. She hated those sticky summer days. Especially in that apartment that was freezing in winter but a sauna in the summer, no comfortable in between. Days when she felt like the heat was suffocating her and every drop of water she drank sweated its way out of her within the minute.

Winter felt so much… fresher. She liked the snow and the opportunities to wrap up and be warm on her own terms.

Some people found it bleak. But she rather enjoyed it.

You seemed to like it too. Because you could use the cold weather as an excuse to be close to her. And it felt nice. To have you there, to have you wanting to be near her. Even if she was beginning to believe you were forgetting your gloves on purpose now so she would hold your hand.

The arrival of the winter months had brought along the silent confirmation that you two were… something now. Dating didn’t feel right. That word didn’t feel like it belonged in the world anymore. And there had been no real discussions of the matter, mostly due to her own refusal to mention it. And ‘girlfriend’… it felt a little juvenile. Even if was Ellie teasing her every fucking day that you were in fact her girlfriend now.

Jackson was starting to feel more like somewhere she could begin to call home. Riding back through the gates with Joel, watching them close behind her but not feeling that feeling of imprisonment anymore. Not feeling as trapped as the walls in Boston, but finally feeling safe.

She walked into the Bison, happy to find it slightly less crowded than it could be. She walked over to the bar, smiling at the guy stood drying off a glass

“ hey… she here? “ something in her still prickled with an odd sense of anxiety that she didn’t need to ask for you by name now. That they all knew who she meant. That Tess would not venture into the bison alone for anyone else, and that you would never be leaving with anyone else but her.

But she pushed it aside.

“ yeah she’s out the back. I’ll grab her “ she waited patiently as he disappeared through the door, glancing around with some still deep rooted fear that someone was watching her. She didn’t think she’d ever shake that. But she had to remind herself that no one there was after her. No one there was watching her to find her weakness and abuse it.

“ hey you “ you appeared through the door a few moments later and you greeted with that beaming smile of yours, looking at her as if she were the singular source of joy in your life. You leant over the bar and she met you half way, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. It was the kind of kiss that was… familiar. The kind two people in love shared without thought, something as simple and regular as breathing.

“ having fun? “

“ oh yeah. Making sandwiches, riveting stuff “ she watched you wipe your hands off on a towel before slipping your way out from behind the bar “ but I’d really like to go home now “ Tess nodded and offered you her arm without needing to be asked, your hands slipping into their usual place and huddling close against her.

It was getting chillier out, the sky had taken on that odd yellowy state that signalled impending snow. The kind of day that back in Boston would’ve been some forewarning of an impending low ration season. But there was no such thing in Jackson.

You spoke about your shift in the bison as you walked and Tess listened diligently, all the while silently musing over you asking to go home. And very much heading with Tess towards hers.

But. You stayed over more often than not now. Your things were starting to intermingle with her own, the space that had previously felt so barren and so disconnected from herself… now felt almost like a home.

There were some of Ellie’s drawings tacked to the fridge, her talent alone making the space seem a little more lived in. A few pictures had been framed now too and dotted about the place. Tess, Joel and Ellie over for dinner at Tommy and Maria’s. Another of Ellie pulling a stupid face with Joel looking slightly amused at her side. One of you and her, you beaming at the camera as she looked at you. Maria had taken that one much to Tess’ original dismay. But she was quite thankful for it now.

That was the first piece of you that had made its way into her home.

You had a toothbrush in her bathroom now. A spare jacket on the hooks by the door. A small box of gardening tools by the front door. A hand knitted blanket across the back of her couch.

You were in the air even. The air wafted of the flowers you adored wherever you went, you filled the place she had only ever referred to as a house into home.

And sometimes it almost made her want to laugh. Laugh at herself for what she had become. Tess didn’t take things slow like this. Tess didn’t let her space be invaded by someone else. Tess didn’t have feelings or let herself… love.

Which was exactly what she was feeling more and more these days. Which was completely and utterly terrifying but she found she was just letting it happen. Because she could. And because she was allowed to.

She wasn’t old Tess anymore. If anything she was beginning to feel as though she was slowly becoming more and more like the version of herself that had existed before an apocalypse had destroyed the world. The kind of woman that did date and did take things slow. That had girlfriends or boyfriends and wasn’t scared. Was care free and happy.

And maybe that was more scary than the fear she had felt at losing the version of herself that had developed over 20 years of hell.

She was beginning to think that nothing would ever be without fear these days. But she was working on it. And it was lessening.

And you becoming a permanent fixture in her house was part of that.

Quite often the nights ended exactly as they currently were too. With you walking home together, cuddling up together on the couch to escape the chill of winter.

And making out until she forgot how to breathe.

It had not been more than that. She hadn’t allowed herself to let it be. Had happily let you sit in her lap or let you pull her down over you and sink into the couch cushions. But she never let it progress.

She didn’t truly think about why and you had never asked it of her either. Until tonight.

“ why are you holding back? “ you whispered, pulling back from her slightly. Still close enough that she could feel your breath against her lips.

Why was she holding back?

Because you weren’t some random girl she picked up in the zone because she was bored and lonely. Because until you, sex had become something with little feeling. Something to do because she needed some human contact that wasn’t Joel stitching up a stab wound.

And it was funny, really, when she thought about why she was holding back. Why as much as she may have wanted to, as much as the old her would’ve gone and gotten what she wanted months ago… she hadn’t.

Because it hadn’t felt right. Hadn’t been the time. You deserved more than that. You deserved more than a quick, meaningless fuck off somewhere secluded because she wanted to feel like a human being again. No, you deserved more.

Maybe you still did. She couldn’t figure it out yet.

But what she did know, was if now was not the time then she would wait. She would wait a million and one lifetimes. As much as she knew the short serotonin boost would breathe some life into her for a few hours again… she would endure. Because when she really thought about it, that wasn’t what she wanted really.

She wanted you. Of course she did. Needed you. In every single sense of the phrase. You had been a shiny little light in her darkness, you had prevailed and endured her bitterness to discover something sweet hiding beneath.

And so you deserved the best. Deserved every ounce of love and compassion Tess could find deep within herself.

“ where’d you go? Hm? “ you whispered softly, fingers trailing along the side of her face and tucking an unruly strand of her greying hair behind her ear “ you seem… else where “

“ just thinkin “ your touch was gentle, fingertips somehow still smooth and soft. So different to hers, calloused from years of fighting and doing shitty jobs in the QZ. She felt too rough for you. Too sharp around the edges. Like her hold on you alone could shatter you.

She knew in reality you weren’t delicate. She had watched you shoot like a trained marksmen. Had seen you jump on clickers and stab them until you face was splattered in blood. Chop firewood for town like it was nothing. You were strong. Capable. And yet she felt like she could bruise you like a peach just by looking at you wrong. She was no stranger to your strengths, your capabilities. Yet to her? She felt she could always see you as breakable.

Fine China. Soft fruit. The petals of the flowers you cared so much about.

Soft and pure and delicate. Not made to be touched by the rough and ready hands of the likes of her

And yet…

“ thinking about me? “ you said it with a small laugh, half joking. Half hoping. She gave you a small smile, a small nod.

“ of course “ it came out so quiet she wasn’t even sure she’d really said it right away. But your warm smile told her she had. And you’d heard. And even now, even in that moment, she still took a moment to be amazed at that smile. Amazed that it was because of her. You were smiling because she was thinking of you. You were on her mind. And you liked that.

Her hands twitched slightly at their place on your waist. Almost involuntarily. Like they were trying to make her move, go ahead. Do… something.

You looked down for a second before letting go of your gentle hold of her face, sliding your hands along her arms and trailing your fingers over her wrists.

“ I’m not going to break “ you picked up her hands, moving them down to brush over your ass, your thighs “ you can touch me “ she was afraid she’d do something stupid like blush. So she kissed you again, gently tugging you close by her soft hold on your thighs.

Your hands slid back up her arms, over her shoulders, up to hold the back of her neck, your fingertips slipping under the collar of her shirt. Everything about you was soft. Precise and purposeful. She could practically feel the desire radiating out of your fingers. But also the care.

She hadnt been touched like that in… a while. Touched in a way that conveyed love. A way that was gentle. Caring. Deliberate and slow. Like you wanted to take your time, in a way akin to how you had behaved since you had met her. You wanted to know her. To understand her. To peel back the layers she kept pulling on to keep you out.

And maybe a part of her would always want to keep you out, deep down. Fear of the unknown. Fear of a vulnerability she was still learning to adjust to.

But she was adjusting. Had been. And it felt right now. Felt right having the soft weight of you on her thighs, having your gentle fingers rid her of her sweater. Felt the shame of her equally as raging desire dissipate.

It was okay. She was okay.

She watched your deft fingers carefully unbutton your plaid shirt, one that now she thought about it looked remarkably like one of hers. When had you taken that she wondered.

She let her hands slip over the bare skin of your waist, disappearing under the soft worn cotton of your- her? - shirt. There was a scar along your ribs, the kind that had been there a while. No longer angry and red but faded and soft. She ran her thumb across it.

“ chains “ you said, answering her unasked question.

“ the slavers? “ she murmured, still tracing her thumb over the long stretch of scarred skin. You hummed a reply, your eyes watching her intently

“ plenty of permanent reminders of those fuckers on me “ it still baffled her how you had endured such cruelty and appeared on the other side as gentle as you were. She wanted to track those fuckers down. Torture every single last one that had even looked at you wrong. And reserve a special place in hell for the ones who had left their permanent marks.

She leant forward, dipping her head and pressing her lips to the scar. Your chest deflated in a soft sigh as she did, ghosting her lips over the skin in some feeble attempt to replace the pain with care. Your fingers laced into her hair, silently urging her to kiss you some more. And she did. She kissed up your chest, breath stuttering embarrassingly as her cheek brushed against the cotton covered swell of your chest as she pressed kisses to your sternum.

Everything about you was soft.

She inhaled deeply, your skin smelt of that familiar scent of being outdoors. As if winter air had been bottled and sprayed across your skin like perfume. Something so usually mundane and common place, yet intoxicating on you.

She kissed up your neck, skin in flames with every single soft sigh it caused you to let out.

“ can… can I.. “ you said in between kisses, hands now fumbling with the button of her jeans.

“ not here “ she murmured, pulling away from your lips slightly reluctantly “ you deserve better than the fuckin couch “ that made you smile, head titling to the side inquisitively.

“ well aren’t you just a lady “ Tess scoffed, patting your leg gently to urge you to stand up

“ lady? You must be thinkin of someone else “ you seemed reluctant to stop kissing her, grabbing her multiple times on the way out of the lounge. Including a long pause on the stairs where she almost regretted suggesting you move. And seriously debated just letting the entire thing play out right there on the staircase.

She’d never really been one for kissing. But with you she couldn’t stop. She was obsessed. A woman possessed. And she was taking her time.

But she remained on track. Leading you into her bedroom and the bed she had barely slept in.

She sat down on the edge, watching you as you closed the door before turning to her. Leaning back against it for a moment.

You were truly something. Stood there in your jeans and your bra. Your mismatched socks and your ruffled hair. Lips kiss swollen and eyes watching her intently.

“ c’mere “ she said quietly, gesturing you over with a tilt of her head. You wandered over, coming to a stop in front of her and reaching out to cup her face gently “ you’re so fuckin beautiful you know “ she said, not entirely intending to say it out loud and rather just think it. But the blush that crept across your cheeks made her glad she had said it.

“ you think? “ she hummed a reply, her fingers trailing up and down the backs of your thighs.

She didn’t know what it was about having you there in that room. Her room. Alone. It felt so incredibly intimate. In fact the entire night had. She’d never taken such… time. Time to explore and to appreciate, to admire. And now to have you in bedroom, a room she had barely been able to step foot in alone since arriving in town. But felt almost at ease with you there.

It was a lot to attempt to process all at once. And so she decided not to. That it wasn’t the time to send herself spiralling into yet another pit of despair and dread, she focussed all her attention back to you.

“ you’re sweet “

“ I’m not sweet I’m honest “ you smiled again at that. In reality she was not an honest person. She was deceitful and not to be trusted by anyone but Joel. But you trusted her. And she was honest with you.

She was. You truly were beautiful. And she felt a fool that it had taken her as long as it had to stop and really look at you. Had spent so long despising your presence rather than admiring you from day one.

She slipped her hands further up your legs, cupping the denim clad flesh of your ass and pushing you forward slightly. You took the hint, stepping over her legs and placing yourself back in her lap. Your arms looped loosely around her neck.

She couldn’t resist diving forward, lips against your neck and teeth grazing your soft skin in a way that made the most delicious sounds leave your lips.

“ oh, Tess “ your fingers tugged lightly at her hair as she continued her gentle assault, hands wandering and desperate to touch as much of you as she could. “ I can’t take much more of this teasing “ you whispered after a few moments, tugging at her hair to make her raise her head.

Her fingers ghosted over the blooming marks on your skin. Blossoming spots of red and purple, marks of a gentle cruelty that had sent the most beautiful look of bliss to overcome your face. Yet another mark of possession on your skin, but not of chains and binds this time…. Of hatred. But of teeth. Of lips. Of desire.

Possession through the deep rooted need to keep you as her own, but simply to hold. To protect. To love.

“ Tess “ she wouldn’t make you wait any longer. She wanted to keep touching, to commit every single inch of you to memory. But she figured that she’d have plenty of opportunities to do so.

And she would give you anything you asked of her. So she would not make you wait.

Through a desire blurred haze she manoeuvred you to lay down, a blur of clothing making its way to the floor and soft moans as her hands ventured downwards.

“ no no keep looking at me “ she said, her voice as quiet as it had been since you’d lead her up those stairs, coaxing your head up from where you were hiding with her free hand “ that’s it I wanna see you “ you slipped a hand to the nape of her neck, pulling her down to press your forehead against hers with a small nod, lips parted slightly as she moved her fingers in soft circles.

She lost track of time. Of all straight forward thinking. The seconds and the minutes all blurring into a moonlit haze of body parts in her mind. She took her time, breaking you down and unwinding every single knot under your skin.

Nothing else existed outside the four walls of that room, just you and her. The soft lewd sounds of her fingers between your legs, your quiet whimpers and gasps into her mouth, the rustle of the sheets beneath you as you arched and writhed beneath her.

There was something incredible about having you there, foreheads pressed together as she hovered over you, something so… romantic. How your hands held onto her, fingertips warm like they were branding her skin. Isolated in that room in a newer way than she had been used to.

And when she finally brought you to your long awaited climax, she watched you intently. Admiring the beautiful way your face moved and contorted in pleasure, watching your lips part and your legs tremble.

You returned the favour once you’d regained your regular breathing pattern. Pushing her onto her back and leading a trail of soft kisses down her chest and her stomach, settling between her legs and sending her eyes falling into the back of her head.

Her back arching off the mattress and her hand twisting into your hair, relishing in a bliss she hadn’t felt in an incredibly long time.

And then you lay there together. A comfortable silence enveloping the room, only disturbed by the occasional kiss or soft sigh.

Tess’ fingers played gently with your hair, inevitably lulling you into sleep. And she took the time to think.

She realised that in the time she had lived there it was her first night actually sleeping in her bed. She glanced down at where you were sound asleep on her chest, the weight and warmth of you pressed against her keeping away any anxious thoughts that wanted to creep into her mind.

And she didn’t want to escape downstairs, didn’t want to run. To push you away and tell you to leave. That sleeping together was far more intimate to her than any form of sex act could be.

The thoughts didn’t come.

It had taken her meeting you to finally come to terms with what her life was now. And the things that she had done. That in the current climate there were really no good or bad people. Just human beings trying to survive. Do whatever it took to live to see another day. Doing unspeakable things to get by and trying to convince themselves afterwards that they had done the right thing. That they had had no choice.

And that was okay. She was coming to peace with that. She would never fully forget, but neither would anyone else. But that was okay. Because as long as she had you by her side, she was quite content in the knowledge that she could handle it.

That then come spring those flowers you had planted would bloom again and she would let her fears die with the frost.

Everything would be okay.

#I post this reluctantly #because you read anons have been so rude to me lately #unnecessary #tess servopoulos #tess servopoulos x reader #the last of us #tlou #tess tlou #tess x reader #Joel miller #ellie williams #x you #x reader #tlou fanfiction #Anna torv #tlou hbo

125 notes · View notes

kinardsboy · 6 months ago

Text

Not sure if I’m going to write anything more than this, but heres a quick BT thing i made :) if i end up writing more it’ll be posted on ao3!

——————

It happened at the firehouse, a quick self-deprecating joke had slipped out of Buck’s mouth during dinner; stopping Tommy right in his tracks.

“What did you say?” Tommy asked, leaning into Buck’s personal space. Anyone who didn’t know Tommy would probably assume he was mad.. but everyone at the table could tell he was concerned.

“I- um.” Buck stammered, clearing his throat “I said that no other department would want spare parts.. um, defective ones.. so I definitely won’t be transferring anytime soon.” He almost leaned back as Tommy continued to invade his personal space. Usually he didn’t mind it when Tommy got close, he was his boyfriend after all but… this was different.

“And why would you say such a thing Evan?” He asked, gaze softening slightly. “What- who makes you think like that?”

Buck hadn’t told Tommy about Daniel, or what it was like growing up yet.. he honestly forgot that the joke would be alarming to anyone who didn’t know.

“We um, should talk on the couch.” Evan stood up, Tommy following quickly after as they made their way to the seating area , looking over the station.

Bobby, Hen and Chimney knew they shouldn’t stare. They knew this.. but couldn’t help stealing glances.

As Buck began to explain everything he went through, not knowing he had a brother until a while ago, growing up feeling different and unwanted, being made for parts that didn’t even work; Tommy stood there, cool and collected as ever..just listening to his boyfriend pour his heart out.

Until suddenly Buck looked away from Tommy to take a deep breath and collect himself; and then just for a split second.. Tommy’s composure broke. Something the three at the table had never seen. Tommy looked angrier than he had ever been in his whole fucking life. The aura and air around him completely changed, and he looked as if he was planning the murder of Buck’s parents in his head.

“Have.. have you ever seen him…” Hen trailed off, staring at the man

“No. Uh.. no.” Chimney shook his head “I’ve never really seen him angry- not like this.”

The second Buck looked back at Tommy, the older firefighters' composure was instantly regained, returning to the collected man they all knew him to be.

It happened so fast it left the three watching a little dazed.

“That was..” Hen looked over at Chim, then Bobby.

“Terrifying? Yep. Remind me to never make Tommy angry, or better yet remind me to never make Buck upset.” Chim shook his head and went back to his dinner.

#911 abc #evan buckley #bucktommy #tommy kinard #buck 911 #evan buck buckely #tevan #chimney han #kinkley #hen wilson

62 notes · View notes

2chopsticks2eyes · 2 years ago

Text

What You Deserve: Part 1

This is part 1 of a three part series, please be sure to start from part one!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Fem Reader

Themes: Smut, Angst, Fluff

Word Count: All parts are ~67k | AO3

Warnings: Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, mentions of non-con, PTSD, Anxiety, Alcohol, Cussing, Come Eating, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Vaginal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Loss of Virginity, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, References to Drugs, Drug Dealing, Alternate Universe - College/University, Eating Disorders, Childhood Trauma, Vaginal Sex, Protected Sex, Unprotected Sex

Summary: After unfortunate circumstances, you pack up and move to Korea with your best friend Bang Chan to attend college. After falling into Chan's group of friends he had established, you find yourself getting a little too close to the mild tempered and snarky Lee Minho.

Author's Note: I am probably spoiling the whole story with the warnings, but I like to be safe. I originally was only on AO3, but I wanted to link platforms with Tumblr and Twitter too. Hope you enjoy!

________________________________________

Part One: Moving On

None of them had ever treated you any differently than the rest of the group. Even though you’re a girl, to them, you were always considered ‘one of the guys’ and you were grateful that being the only girl among a group of 8 boys never made things stupidly awkward. Picture fucking perfect, really. Although, this was mostly thanks to Bang Chan, your best friend and self proclaimed little brother.

You had met Chan in primary school and grew up with him all the way to Newtown High School of the Performing Arts way back when he still lived in Australia. You two were extremely close, you were even considered as a sister to him within his family with how much time you spent hanging out with him. Everyone always called him Christopher or Chris, but with as much time you spent around his family, you got accustomed to calling him Chan. After all, you were closer to his family than you ever were to your own due to your hapless home situation. If you had one choice in life, it would be to jet the hell straight out to anywhere but there, but reality isn’t that kind.

Your mom and dad fought round the clock, no matter what time or day, you couldn’t remember a day where they hadn’t fought. It didn’t help that they were constantly shooting cocaine and getting blackout drunk any chance they got, making it virtually impossible for them to hold a job. This kept them in constant poverty and living in a shitty one bedroom apartment, making you have to crash on the couch or Chan's place. All the money they made from dealing was used to either buy even more drugs and alcohol or to gamble. You consider yourself lucky that you didn’t have any siblings that would have to subject themselves to that shit lifestyle.

They used you mostly to transfer drugs and collect money, subjecting you to the most seedy situations that a teenager should never have to deal with. You had to learn major self defense tactics in case things had gone awry, which happened to be often. You didn’t have a choice though. It was mostly your father that had threatened to subject you to unspeakable scenarios - that you’d rather not think of - if you didn’t cooperate.

Chan never once judged you, even when he first found out, even when you confided in him, even when you begged for him not to tell anyone, he was always there for you. Whether you were kicked out of the house for a day or your dad had beat you again, he was always there to help you get through it. He definitely worried about you though, especially when he saw that you had to skip out on school lunch again due to lack of money or he discovered you had even more bruises. He didn’t realize that you had caught him staring at your protruding ribs on the days you went swimming at his house.

His family was fairly wealthy. Actually, disgustingly wealthy. How someone so popular and loaded chose you to be his best friend would forever be an unknown mystery. But you always refused his help when he offered, you hated feeling like you owed anyone anything despite his insistence that you didn’t have to pay back. You were raised to believe there is no such thing as free help.

The only time you had involuntarily accepted his help was when you had passed out in class from lack of energy. He had dragged your tiny, malnourished ass to the nurse and bought you more food than you had eaten in days. He chewed you out for weeks for letting yourself get to that state.

He really was too good for this world. He was the only beacon of light in your life.

However, your entire sense of happiness was demolished when he had decided to go up to Korea for college to grow in music production. He wanted to stay because he knew you weren’t safe, but - even though it tore you to pieces - you insisted he follow his dreams.

You were studying dance at the time, however you had given up hope for any chance of going to college due to lack of funds. You were a year older than Chan, so once you graduated, you at least still got to hold on to your best friend for a moment longer before he moved. Even if that year was filled with you working three jobs only to pay for ‘your share of the living expenses’ to your parents and to save up enough money to get the hell out of there.

The farewell with Chan was the hardest thing you had done up to that point. Harder than being beaten to a pulp by your dad. Harder than being told by your parents that you should go kill yourself. Even harder than not eating for three days.

You talked and video chatted almost every day, but that still didn’t fill the ache of missing him. Before he left you rarely cried, numb to your whole fucked up situation. But after, you had cried yourself to sleep almost every night, trying to escape the nightmare that had made its home in your life. This continued for four whole years. On the nights you were kicked out of the house again, Chan's family would still welcome you with open arms. Most friends would have drifted apart and lost connection, but not you and Chan, nor his parents. You were family.

One night, when everyone was asleep, your dad had walked into the living room and woke you up from the couch. To say you were surprised to see him pointing a gun at you would be quite the fucking understatement. He smelt like piss and enough alcohol to make him at least 80 proof.

“If you make a single fucking noise, I will shoot that worthless, ugly cumdump of a mouth of yours.”

You were frozen from his words, and in your half-asleep daze, you were extremely muddled. That was until he made his intentions painfully clear when he straddled you and took the hand that wasn’t holding the gun and started to desperately pull off your sleep shorts. Your skin turned to ice and your gut felt like a ton of bricks dropped through your ass. You started to squirm in attempts to get him to stop, but he just painfully pinned your hands under his knees on each side of your hips and held the cold metal barrel of the gun to your temple.

“Don’t fucking move you stupid slut.” He spat his venom on your face and you had to restrain yourself from vomiting on the spot.

At this point, the tears were streaming down your face and you felt like a complete dumbass in distress disorder. “Dad, please s-stop…” You sob in the quietest voice you could muster. He promptly backhanded the side of the barrel over your right cheek with a blinding amount of force and your vision was momentarily clouded with white hot searing pain. He returned the gun to your head and you could feel the warm, sticky substance of blood drip from your cheekbone. He gave you a final warning look that sent a crippling sense of fear down your spine and then continued what he was doing.

Your eyes kept scanning your surroundings looking for anything that could help you escape. The only opportunity you saw was when your demon of a father had pulled your shorts and panties down to your knees and started shoving his hand into your bone dry pussy painfully . You felt humiliated and violated, but you used his distracted state to promptly knee him as hard as you could in his dirty, perverted balls.

The man shrieked like a fucking banchee as he dropped the gun to cup the rattled testicles in his hands. You quickly retrieved the firearm and ran to the front door, yanking your bottoms up in the meantime. You had always kept your backpack fully stocked by the front door in preparation of the days that you were briefly thrown out. You were silently praising God that you had kept that habit as you grabbed it and bolted out of the apartment, your father screaming limping after you. You heard the sound of his quickly fading stomping as you rounded the corner and hauled ass out of sight, ensuring to leave no trace of your whereabouts.

You ran faster than you had ever run in your life, not even stopping to look back. You didn’t know where you were running to, you just ran where your feet took you. It wasn’t much of a shocker that your feet took you to the only place you ever knew as a safe haven. You had apparently run five miles at one in the morning to find yourself standing at the door of the Bang residence.

You had probably rang the doorbell around twenty times before the exhaustion hit you and you dropped to your knees on the pavement, the gun laying at your side on the ground. It took a few minutes, probably due to waking them up, but the door finally opened to a very bewildered Mr. and Mrs. Bang. You instantly threw yourself into their arms and let out loud, choked sobs, clinging onto them for dear life. You were finally home.

- - - - - - - - - -

After explaining everything to them, not only about that night, but every grizzly detail of your entire family situation, they refused to let you go back home, fearing for your safety. You tried to refuse, but they eventually forced you to tell Chan.

Tell Chan? The man already had a full fledged death wish for your father! And they expected you to tell him as if you were giving an update on the crisp Australian weather? Well this should be fun...

It would take all but the convincing of God to keep him from reporting him. You could already tell a shit storm was waiting on the other end of that dial tone.

It was probably the most emotional phone call you had ever had with him and he was so damn ballistic that he was about to hop on a flight home to come ‘kill that motherfucker’. It took some desperate convincing and ass kissing to change his mind.

You stayed with the Bangs for about a week - staying in Chan’s old room - before Chan’s mom and dad sat down to have a serious talk with you. This is it. You thought. They are going to tell me to find somewhere else to live. You hadn’t saved enough money from your jobs yet to find a place because just about everything you had earned went directly to your parents. You were hardly prepared to start sleeping in cardboard boxes and panhandling.

Mrs. Bang let out a big sigh and rested her hand on your knee. “Dear, you already know that we have always considered you a part of this family. We love you and we want to keep you safe.” The tears started welling up in your eyes and you looked down at your restless hands to hide your face. Fucking why emotions? “And to keep you safe, you can’t stay here any longer.” You couldn’t help the uncontrollable shakiness that came over you, wrecking your body with silent sobs.

“That is why…” Chan’s father held your hand. “...we are going to send you to go to school with Chan in Korea. If anyone can protect you and be there for you, it’s him.” You craned your head up with wide eyes.

“W-what��?” You just sat there looking at them with a frozen, gobsmacked look. Nowhere in your mind had you expected that. It was certifiably insane.

“Well, we know how much you wanted to go with him and how distraught you were when he left. Only now, we know just how deeply that fear was grounded. We had no idea you were going through all of that, sweetie…” Chan’s mom held your other hand and you saw that she, too, had tears rolling down her graceful features.

“N-no… no no no! I can’t do that! I can’t afford it! Please I–” You couldn’t hold back the hyperventilation that was formed by your tits-for-brain emotions.

Mr. Bang cut you off. “You don’t need to worry about that, we just need to do what’s best for you Y/N. And there is no use arguing with us, we have discussed this thoroughly and our decision is final.” His voice was stern and his expression set in stone.

You were gasping back your sobs. “I-I-I c-can’t–” One hundred percent ugly crying, no doubt about it.

Chan’s mom enveloped you in a tight hug. “Please Y/N! We wouldn't be able to live with ourselves if we let you stay anywhere near that hellhole. You deserve a better life than this, sweet girl, and we love you as our own. Please do this for us.” You hugged her back and sobbed into her shoulder violently.

“If it makes you feel better…” Chan’s dad said from the side of your vision. “...you can pay us back with monthly payments. Would that make you feel better about this?” Chan’s mom sat up and lightly slapped his arm.

“Honey! I don’t want her to have to worry about th–”

“Yes! That would make me feel much better.” You interjected her protest eagerly. “If this is something I have to do, I would much prefer not to do it for free.” You had been backed into a sticky, bittersweet corner and you needed to make rational decisions.

They smiled at you. “And you won’t even have to worry about that until you find a job, or if you can’t pay at any point in time, please don’t worry about it.”

You meekly nodded and looked down at the frayed edges of Chan’s sweatshirt that enveloped you, stretching the worn out fabric and releasing it to watch the way the fibers scrunched together again. “I really don’t know what I can do to thank you guys… I really don’t deserve you two…”

“Oh enough of that!” You received another hug from Mrs. Bang. “You deserve every wonderful thing in this world and more.” You sat back and looked at your newly self proclaimed parents and smiled, tears never once stopping as you were overwhelmed with how surreal everything felt. You would finally be free.

- - - - - - - - - -

You were extremely grateful that you grew up learning Korean from Chan and his family because if you hadn’t, you would look like an utter dinktwat in this country. You weren’t perfect, but you figured you would learn fairly quickly from constant exposure.

You squinted your eyes as you tried to see past the hustle and bustle of the busy airport, looking for the right face. Finally, you saw a hand raise up to wave at you across the sea of faces. You looked down to the owner of the hand and there he was, your dirty blonde haired beacon of light, smiling brilliantly at you with his deep-dimpled grin. You instinctively pushed past the barrier of bodies and threw yourself into his arms, burying your face into his warm, familiar scent. You could hear him lightly chuckle at you as you were squeezed tightly.

“Hey my little Kiyomi. I’ve missed you so much” You teared up as you smiled into the crook of his neck. You had always loved the nickname him and his family gave you. They had told you it basically meant cutie or a cute person in Korean and, at first, you laughed at the name, but now it was as natural as saying your actual name.

“I’ve missed you too Channie… so much.” He held you tighter momentarily before letting you go. He stared at you with a sad smile on his face, caressing his thumb over the large, scabbed gash on your cheekbone. He gave it a small peck and smiled down at you.

“You ready to go home?” The words sounded weird coming from Chan’s mouth, but you nodded earnestly in reply. He grabbed your luggage from you and slung you over his other shoulder, ignoring your protests and turning to push past the onlooking travelers while you laughed and covered your face in embarrassment.

- - - - - - - - - -

When Chan opened the door to the three bedroom condo, you took in the surroundings of the area that already looked three or four times the size of your previous apartment. It had a narrow entryway with a coat closet on your left with an area to leave your shoes. You saw a pair of white fluffy slippers with a sticker bow placed haphazardly on top like a present and you smirked back at your new roommate. “Housewarming gift?” Chan said with an awkward smile. You just chuckled at him and plucked the bow off to stick on the middle of his forehead, making him scoff, and you slipped on your comfy new slippers.

You took a step inside and saw a wall on your left with three doors lined along it, slightly ajar, to show a couple of bedrooms and a bathroom in between. To your right, there was the living room adorned with a couch, a loveseat, and a lounge chair surrounding a coffee table. An unnecessarily large TV sat atop a table scattered with various video game consoles and anime figurines in front of it all. Walking further in, the living room was attached to an open-floor planned kitchen lined across the back wall with a large, granite counter island separating the rooms diagonally with a small dining table pressed to the wall on the right.

The floors were completely dark hardwood minus the kitchen, bathrooms, and bedrooms. The bedrooms with plush, off white carpet and the bathrooms and kitchen with sleek, stone tile. You walked in a little further to peer into the open doors and, at the end of the wall that held the bedrooms, there was a door holding a huge utility room with a washer, dryer, and wash basin for the laundry. The condo was fucking unbelievable. Sure as hell too nice for your impoverished ass.

There was a single closed door on the wall to the left of the TV, between the living room and dining area. “Now, don’t argue with me, because I already know that you will. But Felix and I already decided that you deserve the master bedroom because you need your own bathroom. He said something like ‘A lady needs her own space’. If only he knew how un-ladylike you really are, he might have rephrased that.” Chan rolled his eyes, using air quotes for effect.

You scoffed at him and shoved his shoulder with a fond smile. I mean he wasn’t wrong per-se. “Chan… Chan. You do realize I’ve never needed my own room, right? As far as I’m concerned, you could make me sleep on the washroom floor and I’d be down-right giddy.”

He threw his head back and let out a hardy laugh. “Maybe if you’re in one of your bitchy moods, I will. But no, that’s just even more reason you need that bedroom. You need to be able to have some sense of normalcy. Plus, since you don’t exactly have many belongings, I already decked out your room with all of your favorite things.” He raised his head slightly to the ceiling with a smug face and his fists on his hips, looking like the proud little brother he was.

“Damnit Chan! I told you not to spend money on me!” Another harsh punch to his shoulder.

“Ow! Get over it! If I want to give my best friend a present, I’m going to do what I want! And stop hitting me, you fucking ogre!”

Much to your dismay, your eyes got watery again. You honestly didn’t know what you did in your past life to deserve this man. “Damnit Chan, stop making me be an emotional bitch baby…” You quickly wiped away an escaped tear. He didn’t say anything, he just wrapped you in one of his big bear hugs.

When he let you go, he wiped away your tears and grabbed your luggage again. “C’mon, let me show you your new room!”

When you walked in, the edge of the ceiling was lined with fairy lights, bathing the room in a soft glow. This was punctuated with a large salt rock lamp sitting atop a beautiful antique nightstand. Thankfully not everything was super grand or expensive looking, just a simple wooden desk with a chair and bed frame with an ornately carved headboard, both painted white.

It was only when you walked into the master bathroom that your jaw dropped. There was a large vanity stretching all the way down the length of the wall with two sinks attached to the left of the room and a separate jet tub and standing shower. There was a partition wall hiding the toilet and the far wall had the most massive closet you had ever seen.

The closet was filled with all sorts of women’s clothing. Ranging anywhere from formal attire to loungewear. You turned to Chan with a bone-chilling glare. “Chan, what the actual fuck is this?”

He hid behind the luggage he was still holding as if to protect himself. “That’s part two to your gift. Trust me, I know your tastes.” You looked inside one of the drawers and pulled out a pair of black lace panties and held them between two fingers to show them to Chan with an incredulous look on your face. “Okay okay that was NOT me! That was Lix! He supposedly wears that kind of stuff for Hyunjin all the time so he volunteered to shop for the… um… delicates?”

You rolled your eyes and covered your face with your hands. As you moved on, your eyes continued to roam the area as you made your way back to the living room, claiming the lounge chair. “By the way, where is Felix? I want to meet this other Aussie boy.”

“Ah.” The brunette rubbed the back of his neck. ”He said that you would probably be overwhelmed once you got in so he went to hang out with the guys until a little later tonight so you could get accustomed.”

Ah, yes. The notorious group of boys that Chan had befriended over the years that he has been gone. He had talked about each and every one of them several times and you really already felt like you already knew them, despite actually meeting them. “Oh yeah, the guys, yours and Felix’s friends from Uni right?”

“Yeah, but Jisung and Changbin also work with me at Eunsincheo.” You vaguely recalled Chan mentioning this. The word meant ‘The Hideaway’. It was a music and reading lounge where he spent his days serving shitty coffee and organizing small performances for up-and-coming artists. It really was a cool gig, and he absolutely loved it. He said he could get you on the team, but you wanted to find your own job without all the help that he was already giving you.

“Nice. When will I be introduced? I want to meet the guys that are competing for my best friend spot.”

Chan scoffed from his spot on the couch. “Psh, as if there is any competition. I’m afraid you, Kiyomi, are stuck with me.”

“Awww little baby Channie. You’re so sweet!” You leaned over and gave him an annoying pinch on the cheek.

“Okay okay, that’s enough of that! As for meeting the boys, we didn’t think it was a good idea for you to meet them on your first day here. They can be a little… overwhelming…”

“Well that just makes me want to meet them more! I need to start my socializing skills to get used to the language. Can’t we all go out for dinner or something? I want some authentic Korean food and see if it rivals your mom’s cooking.”

“Okay, first of all, nothing rivals her cooking. And secondly, I’ll have to message them and see if they are all up for it.”

“Great! While you do that, I’m going to go shower and see how much of a trainwreck you made of my wardrobe.” You heard a small ‘hey!’ as you wormed your way into your room. You laughed behind your closed doors and let out a big sigh, looking at your own room and feeling as if you were dreaming. After 23 years of your life living in hell, all of it was really too good to be true.

- - - - - - - - - -

You decided, since you were just going to a simple bar and hot pot place, you opted for some ripped blue jeans, a Totoro t-shirt, and some checkered Vans. You pulled your hair up into a half ponytail and just lightly brushed on a natural shade of eyeshadow and mascara to the corners of your eyes as best as you could since you weren't accustomed to wearing makeup. You tried desperately to hide the wound on your cheek with concealer, failing gloriously and inadvertently huffing in frustration.

As you and Chan neared the restaurant, you could hear a rambunctious bunch from the front of a small, humble building. “Ah, sounds like the band of misfits are already here.” Chan said before you could even see the patio. For some reason, you could feel the nerves bubble up inside you. Partly because your Korean was extremely rusty, but also because you desperately wanted Chan’s friends to accept you like the insecure chicken-shit you were.

“Do you all always have to disturb the peace wherever we go?” Chan spoke loudly over the loud group of boys once the two of you stepped onto the small patio that the men invaded. The group went silent and turned their attention toward you, making your heart fall out of your ass.

You gave a deep bow and pulled out the most confident Korean words you could muster. “Hello everyone, I’m Y/N. Lovely to meet you all.” You cringed at yourself and Chan sputtered out a laugh, immediately slapping his hand over his mouth when you glared daggers back at him. You could feel your cheeks warm up in embarrassment, but then several of the men stood up with smiles on their faces to come and greet you.

The first one was skinny with a shaggy, but surprisingly stylish bleached mullet and cute freckles that scattered across his cheeks and nose like stardust. He had a grin that spread across his entire face, making his eyes disappear behind his blinding, sunshine smile. He unexpectedly enveloped you in a hug. “OHMYGOD HI! I’m Felix! I've been SO FUCKING EXCITED to meet you! You will probably hear some of the guys call me Lee Yongbok, but that's just my Korean name. You can call me whatever you like!”

“Good to finally meet you!” You hugged him back and released with a warm smile. You instantly felt warm in his presence and you already knew you would be fast friends.

“I’m so glad you wanted to meet everyone today! I’m going to bake some cookies in the morning to welcome you as our new roommate. I know we will be best friends in no time!” He had a thick Australian accent as he spoke in English and you couldn’t help but smile in his presence.

“Hey!” Chan shoved the smaller boy away from you. “The best friend position is already taken! Find your own!”

“Jealous much?” You smirked up at Chan who just rolled his eyes at you petulantly.

The next boy walked up to wrap his arm around Felix. He was slightly taller than the rest and he was also fairly lean, but his arms were very toned. He had long black hair that he had tied in a half ponytail. His face was incredibly beautiful with plump lips and a beauty mark underneath his left eye, surely making even the coldest hearts swoon. He slightly bowed his head and squeezed Felix to his side. He started to speak in very broken English. “Hello, my name is Hwang Hyunjin. It is nice to meet you. I am Felix’s boyfriend. My uhhhmm… my English is not… too good?” He said it as if it were a question, as if he didn’t know if what he said was correct or not. Cute.

You decided that you should start to try and speak Korean to the group so they would feel more comfortable. Confidence is key right? “Nice to meet you as well, Hyunjin. I suspect I will be seeing a lot more of you now that I live with your boyfriend.” You waggled your eyebrows at Felix and that seemed to lighten the tension in the air as everyone started chortling.

The two headed back to their seats as a short, muscular (more like completely ripped) man with black hair walked up to offer a handshake. “Nice to finally meet you, I’m Seo Changbin. Chan-hyung talks about you non-stop, he’s been giddy like a school-girl for the past week waiting for you to get here.” The two of you turned and smirked at the dirty blonde Aussie, his ears slowly reddening.

“Shut it, bada kokkili.” Your confused look indicated you had no clue what the fuck that meant. Chan smirked at you knowingly. “Walrus. He hates it when we call him that.” You giggled behind your hand and Changbin punched Chan’s arm.

“Please tell me you’re nothing like this asshole?” Changbin said to you as he kept glaring at Chan.

“No, he wishes he was as badass as me.” You shrugged with a matter-of-fact look on your face.

“Have I subjected myself to a life full of verbal attacks by introducing you guys?”

“Hmmmm, yes. But you still love me.” You smiled smugly up at Chan and he poked his tongue out at you like a child.

You heard someone clear their throat next to you and you turned to see a doe eyed boy with round cheeks and a sharp jaw bone. His frame consisted of a broad chest that tapered down to a teeny tiny waist. “Oh! You must be Han Jisung!” He looked at you with an astounded expression and you realized it was probably weird how you came to that conclusion. You nervously scratched behind your ear. “Oh, sorry. Chan had told me that you looked like a quokka so I kind of assumed…”

“Hah! I can’t believe you got it right with that description!” Changbin guffawed from where he had left to sit at the table.

“Well unfortunately your assumption was correct. I had just hoped he would have described me by my stunning good looks instead.” He gave you a huge, cheesy grin and stood proudly, his mousy brown hair swaying slightly. You giggled at him and accepted his offer for a hug. He was so fucking adorable that you wanted to stuff him in your pocket and keep him.

“Okay okay, out of the way.” The quokka was pushed aside by another animal looking man. This one, for some reason, looked incredibly like a puppy. You almost cooed at how adorable the boy was. He had fluffy brown hair like Jisung's and he was fairly tall as well. “I’m Kim Seungmin, I would run now before you subject yourself to this awful group of human beings.” He spoke in fairly good English and you laughed at his statement.

“Did you say that in English so they wouldn’t protest?” You said amusedly.

“Maybe, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He shrugged and retreated back to his seat.

The next one was obviously younger than the rest, even if he stood taller than Chan. He had eyes like a fox and dimples deep enough to swim in. He was a bit timid as he shook his black hair out of his eyes. “I’m Yang Jeongin–”

“Baby Bread!” Hyunjin yelled across the table.

Jeongin glared back at him. “Anyway, nice to meet you.” He bowed and went to sit down.

That just left the man still sitting at the opposite end of the table.

“Min, come meet Y/N.”

The man looked up from his phone and you could feel his eyes pierce through your soul. He sighed dejectedly and stood up, walking slowly over to you like a cat stalking its prey. He was fairly tall and his movements flowed like water. He had intimidating cat-like eyes and cheekbones you could cut yourself on. His fiery, orange-red hair glowed warmly in the dim outside lighting, black leather jacket complimenting his entire look. He offered a muscular, veiny hand out to shake, which you timidly shook. This beautiful man’s presence intimidated you without reason.

You only marginally started to relax when he offered a small halfass smile and when he spoke, it punctuated his cute overbite. But as quick as it came, it left, leaving him with a bored face. “I’m Lee Minho. Hopefully you will adjust soon enough.” You watched as his eyes flit to the cut on your cheek and you slightly lowered your head in embarrassment. Without another word, he headed back to his seat. You wondered what you had done to put his panties in a twist until Chan threw an arm over your shoulder.

“Don’t worry about him. He only cares about eating, sleeping, and Han Jisung.” The boys laughed at the redhead while you and Chan took your seats as well.

“Oh, are you two also a couple?” You genuinely asked the two boys at the other end of the long table who just stared at you with dumbfounded looks. They looked at each other momentarily, then burst out laughing, clutching their stomachs while cackling, the rest of the group following in the laughter. You just sat in the chaos, wondering if you missed some sort of joke. Your eyes scanned over to Minho’s laugh and smile which was stupidly mesmerizing, probably because of the contrast to his previous behavior.

Minho started making kissy faces at Jisung as the younger pushed him away with a jokingly disgusted face. He had to wait until he stopped laughing, but Jisung finally spoke up. “No no no, we like to think we are soulmates, but only in a best friend type of way. No, the only happy couple here is Hyunlixie over there.”

Felix hid his smile and flushed cheeks behind his hands and Hyunjin flung his arm around his shoulder with a proud grin. Your subconscious wished you could experience that kind of feeling.

“So… Chan-hyung said that you are a year his senior, does that mean we should call you noona?” Jeongin spoke up from next to where you were sitting.

“Oh god.” You chuckled nervously. “That is very sweet Jeongin, but not necessary. Please speak casually. 'Noona' makes me feel like an old lady.”

“Well you’re not far off…” Chan muttered which earned him a flick on the ear. “Just call her Kiyomi! That’s what me and my family always call her!”

“Cutie, huh?” Seungmin said in English with a cute grin.

You exaggerated a sigh. “Much to my dismay, but yes. I’ve gotten used to it.” You said with a bemused face and the rest of the boys nodded with understanding.

“I like it!” Felix raised his glass. “To Kiyomi and her new life!”

The rest started to raise their glasses until Jisung halted them. “Oh shit, you two need drinks! We need to get you wasted ASAP.”

“Oh no no no, you do not want to see me drunk.” You waved your hands in front of your face in protest. Getting plastered would definitely not make a good first impression.

“Yeah, she is an absolute mess. Last time we got sloshed, I had to carry her ass three miles back to her house while she was singing the Macarena nonstop.” Chan rubbed over his eyes with one of his hands, overemphasizing his mortification.

“Shut it Chan!” You whisper-yelled at him.

“Oh-ho-ho now we HAVE to get you drunk. Get her a bottle of soju, stat!” Hyunjin slapped Minho on the back and the cat-like man glared at him as he stood up to go to the bar.

“I’m only doing this because I may or may not be interested in seeing this for myself.” He grumbled as he walked away.

“I’ll go help him carry the other drinks!” Jisung jumped out of his chair to chase after Minho. As the rest of the boys chatted, your eyes naturally gravitated to the window of the restaurant, revealing the two boys inside at the bar. You watched as Jisung threw his arm over the shoulder of the statue of a man next to him and yelled for the bartender. Minho slapped Jisung’s ass and the younger whispered something to Minho and they both cracked up laughing, showing glistening white teeth and bright smiles from the pair. You felt your stupid stomach flip upside-down in your gut.

Throughout the night, you looked around at the group of gorgeous men, Changbin and Minho screaming loudly across the table at each other as Hyunjin and Seungmin stirred the pot. Felix and Jisung laughing about something completely unrelated and Jeongin watching it all with an amused smile. You felt a weight lifting off your shoulders you didn’t know was there. They all seemed to welcome you with open arms and you felt your heart swell with warmth as your sights swiveled across the table and landed on Chan who was smiling brightly at you. You felt like you were finally home.

- - - - - - - - - -

Fucking lightweight. Two bottles of soju in and you already started to feel bubbly and light as if you were floating. The rest of the group wasn’t in much better shape though.

“Okay okay! What about this? Chan-hyung, have you two ever done the dirty deed?” Changbin shouted from the seat next to him, waggling his eyebrows at you two.

Jisung drunkenly elbowed him. “Binnie *hiccup* hyung! Too far! Tooooo far!”

You and Chan made gagging noises and disgusted faces. “What the fuck Bin? No! She’s like a sister to me! That’s disgusting!”

“OKAY I agree with Channie, but don’t call me disgusting you asshole!” You shoved his head to the side and he rolled his eyes.

“Ssshe is a bootiful woman you monster! Kiyomi, f’you efer needa real maaan, just cm’to me!” Jisung slurred heavily and pointed at you with a winky face.

“She could do so much better than any of your lame asses.” Chan laughed and slapped you on the shoulder, making your body wobble.

“Okay enough enough! My turn! Noona, if you could describe all of us as a type of animal, what would you pick?” Sweet Jeongin, of course, had such a humble question.

“Booooring!” Hyunjin rolled his head back in dramatic annoyance.

You poked your tongue out at him and turned back to the maknae next to you. “I would definitely say that you look like a fox. Seungmin looked like a puppy when I first laid eyes on him. Changbin looks like a mix between a rabbit and a… pig?”

“Yah!” Changbin looked at you with an offended frown, the whole group cackling in the background.

“Not in a bad way! I mean like one of those cute little teacup pigs!” He smiled in content, making an aegyo-like bashful face and poking his cheek. “Jisung obviously looks like a quokka. Hyunjin… hmmmm… a llama maybe… or a ferret? Felix looks like a baby chick and I always thought Channie looked like a wolf.” You turned your sights to the man at the end of the table. “Minho looks like… bunny? No no no, a cat! He definitely seems to have the mannerisms of one.”

The man looked up at you with wide eyes. “A cat?”

“Yeah! You are stand-offish, but I feel like if someone were to pet you, you would purr and pass out.” Everyone started laughing but the man looked stunned. Maybe you did have a little too much to drink. You just met this man and you were talking about petting him. “It’s a good thing! I promise!”

“Mhm, sure. Maybe I should call you a mouse to make it known that you shouldn’t fuck with me.” He gave a crooked smile with a glint in his eye. You internally shivered. Well… hot damn.

“Oh give it up, hyung. *hiccup* Y’ve got nooo claws! Anyway, it’s funny y’say that, noona ‘cause Minnie-hyung owns 3 *hiccup* cats himself!” Jisung slapped him on the back and chuckled at his grumpy friend.

“I don’t own them, they own me. They are my babies.” Minho grumbled.

Your eyes lit up and you leaned in closer. “Oh my god I looove cats! You have to let me meet them!”

“U-uh s-sure…?” The fiery haired man turned his face away and you couldn’t tell if his red cheeks were from your comment or from the alcohol. Where the hell did that reaction come from?

“Noona, you are going to go to Uni with us, right? When will you start?” You brushed off the use of honorifics Seungmin and Jeongin kept using, accepting that they all are just trying to be polite and it was probably second nature to them.

“Two weeks from now, I still need to settle in, get registered, and find a job.”

“Ooo! Work with us! I’m sure the *hiccup* boss would hire you f’we asked!” Jisung raised his hand to get your attention.

Chan interjected before you could respond. “Yeah good luck with that one, Han-ah. I have been trying to convince her of that ever since I found out she was moving here and she isn’t budging. Something about ‘I need to do this on my own’ or whatever bullshit she said.” The air quotes he made came with an annoying mimicking voice.

“Hey shut your gob, dumbass. So what if I want to be independent?”

“Ahhh an independent woman *hiccup* I like it!” Jisung winked at you and you giggled at his drunken flirtiness.

Minho grabbed onto his ear like a mother would to scold her child. “Cut it out, she is going to get tired of you before the night is even over.”

“Okay okay! I get it! M'sorry!”

“It’s okay Jisung, I think it’s cute.” You exaggerated the statement by saying it in baby talk and cooing at him. He blushed at your words and chuckled nervously as the rest of the group laughed at his flustered fumbling.

“Okay my turn!” Seungmin announced…

- - - - - - - - - -

You decided it was time to stop drinking when you could feel your emotional side take the reins of your brain, the feeling of the welcoming new friends overwhelming you. You, Chan, and Felix parted from the group and Chan had to help you walk down the street to get home with you yelling your farewells to the giggling group retreating behind you. Once you got home, Felix immediately went to his room and slumped down, only halfway on his bed, completely wiped out from the alcohol.

Chan took you to your room and sat you down on the bed. “Chaaaannie!” You held onto him with tears building in your eyes as he removed your makeup for you. “Channie *hiccup* I love you so fucking much Channie! I’m so happy to be here and meet your *hiccup* frieeeeends.” He chuckled at your idiocy and handed you a glass of water.

“If you're happy, then why are you crying, you big baby?” You threw a tiny fist at him.

“I am just sooo happy, I don’t deserve you! I don’t deserve this life! It doesn’t even feel real to be here right now….” He froze as you crossed your eyes to focus on sipping your water and bent down to level his face to yours.

“Y/N, don’t you ever say that again. You deserve all of the happiness in the world and more and I wouldn’t give you up for a goddamned thing, alright? I want to hear you say that you deserve happiness.” You just whined and shoved your alcohol-flushed face in his chest. “Say it Kiyomi…”

All you could think about was the huge fucking piece of your heart this man had claimed. “I… I deserve happiness.”

“There we go, girl. Now let's get you into bed.” He pulled back the puffy white comforter and tucked you into the softest sheets you have ever felt. “G’night sis, love you.” He kissed your forehead and you were out like a light.

- - - - - - - - - -

The first month of getting used to university was hard, you were older, but you started behind the rest of your group of new friends. But thank God that dumb luck got you to join some of their classes.

Chan was in your music theory class, Jeongin and Minho were in your fine arts class, and Hyunjin, Felix, and Minho were in your dance class. You managed to find a job at a local café as a barista close to Eunsincheo where Chan worked. Things were falling into place for you remarkably fast and you threw yourself into your studies, not wanting to squander the opportunities that were gifted to you.

“Do you ever stop studying?” Seungmin leaned in close to where you were sitting on the ground next to the coffee table to examine what you were noting down from your second-hand textbook. Chan and Changbin were at work, but the rest of the boys decided to come hang out at the Aussie flat for movies and snacks.

“Well, not only does my Korean suck ass, but I also have to make up for all the lost time these past years. I need to work extra hard if I want to get past basic courses so I can become a choreographer.” You were, in fact, currently brushing up on your Hangul at the moment.

“Hey, that’s Minho-hyung’s major too! Maybe you guys can study together!” Jisung looked at Minho next to him on the loveseat expectantly. He just stared at you with a blank face.

“Depends, can the mouse keep up with me?” He smirked at you and leaned forward as if he was challenging you.

“Well now there’s no way I can back down. Bring it on MeanHoe!” You sat up straight, proudly, as you reached out your arm to shake hands as if you were making a business agreement. His grip was strong, but softened as it lingered there.

“Hyung’s in advanced courses, aside from the dance class we all have together, he has two or three intermediate and advanced classes too.” Hyunjin blankly stated as his focus was directed at picking at a hangnail, long limbs sprawled across the couch and on Seungmin’s lap.

The feline grew a smug grin. “I won’t go easy on you noona, get ready for an ass beating.”

“Ooo kinky!” Oh god, please don’t conjure images, brain! You could feel your ears getting red at Jisung’s statement. Minho was quick to slap him over the back of the head. “Ow!”

“Han Jisung! Can you stop being dirty minded for two goddamned seconds?” Minho crossed his arms, obviously embarrassed too as he looked away.

“I’m sorry hyung, I’m afraid that’s impossible. He is utterly helpless.” Jeongin sighed from his spot on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

“He’s just like a child, just start up a video game for him and he’ll shut up real quick.” Felix yelled from the kitchen where he was pulling the delectable smelling brownies out of the oven that he had made for everyone.

“That’s not… entirely true…” Jisung meekly mumbled as he scratched the back of his head.

“Minho-hyung really helped me with my Korean when I moved here, maybe he can help you too?” Felix looked at Minho who just hummed in response.

He lifted himself off the loveseat and sat next to you on the floor, examining your work. “Your handwriting is shit.”

You just scoffed and narrowed your eyes at him. “Thanks, Min. Very insightful.” You turned back to your work and kept writing in chicken scratch font. “Do I really want your help? I’d rather not have my pride filed down more than it already is.”

He just shrugged and plucked the pen from your hand, mid-character. He wrote down what looked like a pangram with his left hand and erased and re-wrote a mistake with his right hand. That threw you for a hot loop. “Repeat writing this until your writing is actually legible.” You glared at him and shoved him slightly, making him chuckle. “Don’t worry, even if you have an extremely thick accent, you seem to have an easier time talking than you used to.”

“Yeah, your accent is even thicker than mine when you speak Korean, and that’s saying something.” Felix said while he placed the neatly arranged plate of brownies and napkins on the coffee table. The boys crowded around to grab their treats and Minho placed the yummy, gooey, center piece on a napkin and handed it to you. Well that is suspiciously out of character.

“Awww but I wanted that piece!” Minho flipped off the whiny Jisung.

“Maybe you should’ve been quicker, then, Sungie.” Minho turned back to grab himself a brownie.

“Thanks, Min. What is it that you want from me to deserve this kindness?” You smiled to yourself as Minho narrowed his eyes at you.

“Would you like me to take it back?” You hid your chocolaty treat from his field of vision followed by an attempt of an intimidating expression. You felt a modicum of success when he turned to hide his suppression of a laugh.

Once Felix finished his duties of serving brownies and popcorn to everyone, he turned the TV on for everyone to watch Howl’s Moving Castle upon Jisung’s repetitive insistence. You turned your head to see that Minho was still sitting in his spot he took next to you on the floor. Stupid stomach for its stupid flippity flops.

You contemplated your actions for a minute, but then decided to go for it. “Hey Min.” You leaned in with a hushed tone so you wouldn’t interrupt the movie. He leaned his ear closer to hear you better. “You really want to help me study? I really am kind of at the ass-end of the curve when it comes to my studies.”

He shrugged. “Sure, why not? Do Tuesdays and Thursdays after art class work for you?” You eagerly nodded your head and he gave you a crooked smile.

“Thanks Minnie! I owe you!”

“Yes you do.” He chuckled and leaned away, indicating the end of the conversation. Well shit.

- - - - - - - - - -

You aren’t sure when it happened, but apparently you had fallen asleep because the next thing you knew, you were waking up in a dark room - lit only by the TV that had some random YouTube video on - with Chan shaking you awake. You were still on the floor in the living room, but everyone was gone save for Chan and Minho which you had evidently fallen asleep on. Not just on, in his fucking lap . Head fully rested on fully-jacked, muscular thighs. God, kill me now.

You had never sat up so fast in your life. “Ah shit!” You rubbed your eyes and tried to shake off the lightheadedness you felt from getting up too fast. “Shit, Min, I’m so sorry! Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?!”

He shrugged his shoulders as the two of you stood up. He slightly stretched his back and his neck and you felt mortified that he had stayed behind just because of your lazy ass. “It’s whatever, I was just entertained by watching videos and hearing you blab about something in your sleep.” He said nonchalantly.

“WHAT? Oh no. No no no, what did I say?” You hid your face in your hands as the two boys laughed at you. This is hell.

“I couldn’t really figure it out, it was in English.”

“Oh thank god.”

“Tell it to me, I’m sure I can translate!” Chan said with a chipper voice.

You grabbed onto your best friend’s shirt collar. “Do you want to die tonight, pup?” He sheepishly laughed and held his hands up in surrender.

“I sounded like you were having a nightmare, but don’t worry little mouse, I’m sure I’ll figure it out one way or another.” You looked back at Minho’s winking face with terror in your eyes. You side-eyed Chan and saw he was looking at you with worry. You knew what he was thinking and silently prayed he wouldn’t say anything, but you just huffed and marched off to your room like a petulant child.

“Good night!” The two shouted after you in unison as you slammed your door.

Behind the cover of your bedroom door, you ran your hands over your tired face and prayed that you didn’t say anything too embarrassing. You didn’t know how long he had stayed there after everyone had left, but the thought of him staying behind so he wouldn’t disturb you made your core throb. That’s stupid, he probably just wanted to wait until Chan got home. You convinced yourself to stop having a weird imagination, and with that, you showered off to rid you of your thoughts.

- - - - - - - - - -

The next Thursday afternoon around four in the afternoon , you were lounging on the couch scrolling through your phone when you heard someone knocking at your front door. When Chan opened it, the both of you were surprised to see Minho standing in the doorway with that damned stereotypical leather jacket on.

“Uh, hey Min, what’s up?” Chan looked confused as he gestured for Minho to come inside.

“Study sessions, remember? Tuesdays and Thursdays? Please don’t tell me your memory really is that bad or else this is a lost cause.” He said pointedly at you in response to Chan’s question.

You sat up quickly with a sheepish grin. “I didn’t forget! It just may have… slipped my mind…” Shit memory strikes again.

He rolled his eyes and threw his backpack down on the dining table and shucked off his jacket, flinging it over the back of the chair. “Well are you coming or not?” You quickly realized what he was indicating and you hastily grabbed your textbooks and papers from your room and sat down next to him.

“Well I guess I will leave you two to it, I’m going to go to the gym.” Chan walked out without another word. And you suddenly found yourself in an empty apartment with only your studies and Lee Minho to keep you company. Fuck, I should have thought this through.

“Okay, so where should we start?”

- - - - - - - - - -

It was probably around 8pm and studying was completely forgotten about about an hour and a half after you two started. You had asked to see a picture of his cats and it all went downhill from there. The two of you discussed anything from favorite foods to childhood memories. However, you elected to opt out of mentioning your family situation in favor of reminiscing your time with Chan. No one wants to hear about that shit show.

This was until Minho verbally backed you into a corner. “So what do your parents do for a living?” You could feel your blood turn ice cold. What should I tell him? ‘Oh yeah, they sell and smuggle drugs for a living. What about yours?’

Yeah, fuck that. “Oh, they just get odd jobs here and there.” You tried to be as vague as possible.

“Oh okay cool, did you live near Chan-hyung?”

“Nah, I lived about 5 miles from him. But I basically lived with him half the time.” You said with a nervous chuckle. He leaned his elbow on the table, laying his cheek on his fist as he was fully facing you in his seat.

“Your parents didn’t mind? My mom would worry herself to an early grave any time I spent the night at a friend’s house for more than a night. She definitely used to baby me.” He chuckled, not breaking eye contact with you, making you extremely flustered and intimidated. Stupid cat man. Your eyes couldn’t meet his for more than a couple seconds before they looked elsewhere in attempts to escape the inexplicable nervousness.

“No they didn’t mind… They weren’t those kinds of parents.” You looked down and played with the hem of your shorts. It was silent for a second and you were afraid you had maybe said too much. But as you looked back up into his eyes, you think it was possible that he realized that it was a sore subject by the way he was searching your eyes.

“Well that’s cool, no wonder you and Chan-hyung have so many experiences together.” He suddenly decided to stand up and make his way toward the kitchen. “I’m making dinner, any requests?”

You breathed a sigh of relief with the end of the previous conversation. “It’s our kitchen, Min. How do you know we even have the stuff to make what you want?”

He turned his head over his shoulder from where he is standing in front of the pantry and gave you a crooked smile. “I told Yongbok and Chan-hyung that they need to be adults and actually keep their kitchen stocked, even if it only gets used when I come cook for them.” He turned back to look in the walk-in pantry, speaking a little louder so you could hear. “I probably screwed myself by saying that, though, because now I cook for them all the time. ”

You moved from your position at the dining table, abandoning your schoolwork, and sat on the barstool at the island. “Am I really going to get the great Chef Lee Minho to cook for me? I am honored, but I'm not really a big eater.” You were used to eating nothing for days so your appetite wasn’t huge. Even if you were accommodated with three meals a day now, you were always painfully full before you finished your serving.

He walked out with a deadpan face and a few items in his hands. “Well if we are going to be friends, that is going to change. No arguments. How does chicken fettuccine alfredo sound?”

Your mouth starts watering at the mention of it. “My lord, that sounds amazing. You’re my hero .” You said the last part wistfully as if you were a damsel in distress and dramatically leaned your head back with the back of your hand draped on your forehead.

He scoffed at you and pulled a small bowl out of the fridge after he put on a pot of water to boil for the noodles. Once he placed the bowl in front of you, you looked at him with a confused face. “Kimchi for a starter.” He looked at you expectantly.

You looked warily at the delicious looking snack. “Min, if I eat this, I won’t be able to finish my pasta.”

He didn’t respond, instead, he pulled out a pair of chopsticks and raised a bite of kimchi to your mouth. “Say ‘ahhh’ little mouse!” He waved the food around and made airplane noises as if you were a child. You couldn’t help but laugh loudly at his antics and he used that opportunity to lightly press the tip of the food to your lips. You gave in and wrapped your lips around the chopsticks, cleaning it of the kimchi juices.

You were a little surprised to see him use those same chopsticks to pop a bite into his mouth for himself. You figured it was a perfectly normal thing to do between friends. Hell, you and Chan have shared almost everything, but something about the action coming from Minho made you feel different.

Once he tried to feed you another bite, you spoke before he could shove it in your face. “Aren’t you supposed to be cooking?”

He shook his head and continued his movements toward your mouth. “Water Isn't boiling yet. Open up.”

You couldn’t help but huff at the stubborn little shit. “Do you not want me to eat your alfredo? Because if I eat a starter, I’ll be too full for dinner!”

“That’s just the first step to get you to eat more!” As the food got closer, you had planned to just slightly push his hand away. However, as you realized that life still hated you, you accidentally whacked the chopsticks out of his hand and the kimchi flew directly onto Minho’s white shirt, trickling the red juices down the length of it. Of fucking course.

The two of you were silent for a moment, processing what just happened. He looked down at his shirt and then back up at you with an indistinguishable expression. “Oh shit. Oh fuck. I’m sorry, Min! I’ll go get you a new one! Just give me one sec!” You stood up to go grab one of Chan’s shirts but Minho stopped you in your tracks, standing right in front of you and looking down menacingly. You instinctively took a couple of steps back because you, of course, were a piece of chicken shit.

“Mouse. Come here.” He started stepping forward and, for some reason, you felt fear and excitement jolt up your spine. You continued to step backward as he grabbed the small bowl and chopsticks in one hand.

“Minnie. Min-min. Buddy-ole-pal, listen, I really am sorry! Lemme just–” You were cut off when you felt your back hit the wall next to the kitchen. He kept prowling toward you and you froze in place. He stepped until there was about a foot of distance between your faces.

“I said. Open. Up.” His voice was colored with intimidation and a touch of dominance that made you quiver. You meekly opened your mouth and he gently placed the kimchi on your tongue, slowly pulling back the chopsticks once your lips were wrapped around it. He smirked at you, mockingly.

You decided that if he wants to play games, you will too, you already ruined his shirt after all. As Minho was still holding up the bowl, you decide to throw caution to the wind as you dipped your hand straight into the bowl, pulling out a long string of kimchi and promptly rubbing it over the side of his face and mouth and letting the remaining cabbage leaf fall to the ground, splattering on the tile.

He looked at you, utterly gobsmacked while you cackled, using his momentary shock to escape the spot where you were caged in. Once you were out of reach, he spun around with a bone chilling smile on his face. “So that’s how you want to play? Fine.” He started to walk toward you swiftly, bowl in hand, and determination in his eyes. You were still chuckling as you ran on the other side of the island, making the two of you dance around it (ironically) like cat and mouse.

He then did something you hadn’t expected him to do, he grabbed some kimchi with his own hand and flung the dripping, red snack across the island. And of course, the fat, juicy piece landed directly on your chest, slithering from your collarbone right down to your cleavage and under your shirt.

You shrieked at the cold contact as Minho cracked up on the other side of the bar. As you squirmed your hand under your shirt and bra, Minho had found an opportunity to set the bowl down and lunge at you, only to tackle you to the ground with more kimchi in his palm. “Caught you, you neanderthal!” You couldn’t control your laughter as you hopelessly tried to push off the man hovering over you, bracketing you to the ground with his limbs. “Now, little mouse, open up.”

He dangled the piece of kimchi over your mouth between his two fingers. You giggled, but sucked your lips into your mouth, sealing off the entrance. You shook your head in defiance, letting him know full well that you weren’t giving up that easy. Not chicken shit anymore, huh?

“Gonna be a brat? Okay, fine.” He then took his free hand and started poking your side, making you flail in ticklishness. Your hands immediately flew to the hand trying to tickle you to push them off, but to no avail.

“Ack! Min– *heh* Minho! *haha!* S–stop! *gasp* I– *heh* I give up!” you almost had tears running down your face in laughter as he finally relented. Once you felt the relief from him halting his assault, your arms fell to the ground to the sides of your head. Your eyes locked onto the feline above you. His smirk was full of playfulness, but something else showed in his eyes that you couldn’t quite place, making your useless heart skip.

“That’s what I thought.” He held the piece up to your mouth once more and you kept eye contact as you licked your lips and slowly opened your mouth. You waited as he slid the kimchi into your mouth slowly, releasing it, and briefly catching his thumb on your lower lip. You felt your brain short circuit momentarily until you realized you needed to start chewing. “Yummy, yeah?” You nodded your head slowly. “There’s a good girl.”

He stood up and it took your frozen limbs a moment to clamber up to accept his offered hand, pulling you up and onto your feet. Once you stood, the cold, sticky feeling running down your chest made itself known again. As if on cue, the two of you look down at your ruined shirts and back at each other, bursting out laughing and clutching your stomachs.

You dug the remaining piece of kimchi out of your shirt as he politely looked away. “Let me go get you a new shirt.” You chuckled out after you could catch your breath.

“Bet. I’ll clean up our mess once I put the noodles on to boil.”

You started to wonder where Chan was once you entered his room to grab Minho a new shirt. He said he was going to the gym, like what? Three hours ago? Surely he’d be done by now. As you walked back into the kitchen to give Minho the shirt, you were frozen solid, dropping the shirt at the sight in front of you. Good LORD.

Standing in the middle of your kitchen was a completely shirtless human statue. Minho had stripped himself of the soiled cloth, leaving him clothed only from the waist down. You tried to get ahold of your bearings, but the man’s back was turned away facing the sink to clean his clothing, leaving your subconscious to stand and gawk over the expanse of skin.

You had seen Chan shirtless countless times, so why did this particular moment affect you so much? Minho wasn’t as jacked up as Chan was, but you could clearly see the bands of toned, lean muscle just beneath the surface of his milk and honey skin. Your eyes skimmed the muscles of his arms and drifted down to his deliciously veiny forearms and hands. If your eyes hadn’t had enough of a feast on his back, it was absolutely gorged when he turned to face you. Two toned pecs and a lean stomach that adorned a small scar. Your attention was snapped back to reality when your gaze lingered on the hem of his pants. Wait, shit, fuck, he turned around!

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Your eyes flew up to his face to show that same annoying smug grin.

You huffed and quickly grabbed the shirt off the floor and threw it at his face. “No need. I was only thinking of how gross it was to be half naked in a room where we EAT, let alone cleaning your nasty shirt in my kitchen sink.” You snatched his shirt from the sink and started to head to the laundry room.

“Yah! I’m not gross! And where the hell do you think you’re taking my shirt?” He grabbed your arm before you could get too far and spun you around to, once again, face his shirtless body. You refused to look anywhere in his general direction as you could feel your cheeks warm up. He must have picked up on your demeanor, because you could hear him lightly chuckle, forcing you to glance at his amused face. “Do I make you uncomfortable little mouse?”

“No… I just–”

“Juuust what?”

If you weren’t already being tortured by the current situation enough, life decided to rear it’s ugly head again. Before either of you two could react, the front door swung open and in stepped a suspiciously well dressed Chan. “What the FUCK?”

Now, you wouldn’t necessarily call Chan an irrational or violent person, but with Minho’s grip on your arm, his shirtless body, and an undistinguishable wet spot down the front of your shirt, you could definitely see cause for misinterpretation. “You motherfucker.” Chan started to march toward the two of you and you could see terror morph in the, typically unwavering, eyes of Minho.

“Hyung I can expla—“ You watched in horror as you saw Chan’s fist fly through the air. You expected to see the innocent man get pile driven into the ground, but thankfully, Minho was quick enough to dodge the blow. You bolted over to Chan, jumping on the man and grabbing his arm to hold him back. Unfortunately, your tiny body failed to make him even budge. You might as well have thrown a teddy bear at him for how little it affected him.

“Chan stop! It’s just a misunderstanding! Please!” He looked down at your pleading eyes and back at Minho suspiciously.

“Explain. Now.”

- - - - - - - - - -

After Minho put a shirt on and Chan calmed down, you briefly explained the situation. You excused yourself to shower off the kimchi juice as the boys talked it out. You felt awful that Minho had been subjected to that because of your own childish fuckary.

“God, why am I such an idiot?” You groaned at yourself as you pulled sweats and a tank top on, dampening the cloth with your wet hair. You stepped out into the living room and, to your amazement, Minho was still there. The two boys looked up at you in tandem with smiles on their faces and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I was afraid I was about to walk out into a bloodbath.”

“Not today, Kiyomi. But you really need to stop being such a lunatic. You almost made me kill a man today.” Chan stood up from his spot on the couch next to Minho to come hug you.

“You almost committed murder and I’m the lunatic?”

“Yes.” The two boys said at the same time. You glared at the pair when the embrace was broken.

“You–!” You accusingly pointed a finger at the smirking redhead on the couch. “--aren’t any less guilty, mister!” You glared each other down, neither backing down for an instant. Little shit.

Chan let out a heavy sigh. “Well I’m utterly wrecked from the gym so I’m going to go shower. Goodnight guys.” The color of the tone in his voice sounded somewhat off.

“G’night!” You and Minho both said, still staring each other down.

After a moment of awkward silence, you cleared your throat in preparation to say something, but Minho beat you to it. “Pepperoni or cheese?”

“Uhm... wha—?” You were completely thrown. You searched your brain to think of what the hell he was talking about.

“Or supreme? If you’re into that. Just no pineapple or we can’t be friends anymore.”

“Did I miss something? Should I leave and come back? Because I have no clue what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Pizza.” He said with his gaze down, simply scrolling through his phone. “The pasta got overcooked so I’m ordering pizza, now what do you want?”

Ah, yes. The dish that started this whole tiff. “Ummm I guess meatlovers?” You said as you slid over next to him on the couch.

“Hell yeah, a woman after my own heart.” Sir, don’t even. He tapped away at a few things on his phone and sat it down. “Placed, should be here soon.”

“Sorry I ruined dinner, Min. If it’s any consolation, I really was looking forward to trying your cooking. I guess that’s why I was so determined to save my appetite…” You looked down at your hands in embarrassment. All I can fucking do is cause trouble for people.

“Hey.” You felt a gentle hand being placed on your shoulder and you looked up to lock eyes with the redhead. “It’s no problem to me, it just means I’ll get to cook for us on Thursday.” His eyes are soft and he was sporting a gentle smile that you had never seen before.

You unattractively snorted at the comment. “You mean you’re still going to help me study after the trainwreck I led you to?”

“Of course, as long as you keep your dog at bay.” The two of you shared a lighthearted laugh and you silently thanked God that things aren’t awkward now. I mean, as long as you didn’t fuck shit up again.

- - - - - - - - - -

That following Saturday you had to go to work. You had already worked a few shifts before so you were almost getting the hang of it. Since you weren’t one hundred percent confident in your Korean, you didn’t take orders, you only made the coffee and handed it to the customers. You were fine with this because you didn’t have to talk to people (because the general populous of all humans suck ass), but you would still get to make tasty drinks and listen in enough to advance your Korean.

It was around 7:50pm, about ten minutes away from the end of your shift when you heard the entry of a large group ringing the bell of the front doors that announced their arrival. You internally groaned at the sound, (not looking so you could focus on the current task at hand of making a vanilla latte that had WAY too many modifications asked for by a particularly picky customer) knowing how you were about to have to stay late to make all of those people's plethora of drinks. You didn’t completely mind though, more work meant more money.

You turned around to hand off the last customer’s latte and once it was handed off, you froze as you looked on at the rowdy group of men. Eight, gloriously bright smiling faces were all directed at you, you could feel yourself flush as you walked up to them in a hushed tone. “What the hell are all of you doing here?”

“What? We can’t come see our favorite barista?” Changbin pouted, most of the rest following in mimicking his exact expression. You rolled your eyes at the group. You felt like a damn adolescent being picked up from school early.

“How do you know I’m your favorite? You haven’t tasted my coffee yet, it could taste like shit.”

“Then shitty coffee will be my new favorite!” Felix replied cheerily. What a sweet little lying son of a bitch.

“Speak for yourself.” Seungmin smirked at you and left to find the large group a couple of tables.

The order was easy enough, seven iced americanos and a caramel macchiato for Felix. After that, your shift was already done and you accompanied your rambunctious friends, all gulping down their delicious drinks.

“You down to go for some karaoke tonight? We are all planning on getting trashed because there’s no school or work tomorrow.” Hyunjin said with a dramatic blissed out expression at the end of his sentence.

“Except for boring ass Chan-hyung that is about as interesting as a wet sponge. For some reason, he needs to go meet up with a person from a group in his class to study.” Changbin shot a disappointed grimace at Chan.

“Yah! I already had that planned! You guys sprung this on me last minute!” Chan crossed his arms defensively. Interesting, you didn’t recall him saying anything about that…

“Whatever you say, hyung.” Minho spoke up for once. He looked at Chan with feigned belief, then his sights automatically locked onto yours. “What do you say? Coming or not?”

You internally pondered to yourself. Would I rather go home and get an early sleep after work? Or would I rather hang out and go get sloshed with my friends? One hundred percent the latter. “I am in desperate need of a drink, let’s go.”

As you followed the boys out, Minho grabbed your arm. “You’re riding with me, Felix’s car is full.” You hesitantly let him pull you around the side of the café and your heart stopped beating. The man sat down on a fucking crotch rocket. As he straddled the motorcycle, he patted the seat behind him. “Well, are you coming or not?”

You realized that your eyes were still bulged out of your head as you shook yourself out of your stupor. “No no no, no fucking way am I going to get on that death trap! I’d rather walk there barefoot on hot stones before I subject myself to that contraption.”

He rolled his eyes into the back of his head and groaned. “Oh come on, I’ve been riding this thing forever. I’m a really good driver I swear.” He picked up the helmet behind him and got off the bike. When he walked toward you, he promptly lifted the hard shell of safety over your head and stuffed your head in it, gently fastening it tightly under your chin.

“M-Min… I don’t know about this…”

“Would you rather walk alone? It’s getting dark out and the place is pretty far. I’m sure we will be done and gone by the time you get there.” He grew that stupid smirk that you could see through the eye socket of the full-faced helmet.

“Fine, but my ghost will haunt you for eternity if you kill me.”

“I think I’ll take my chances.” He went to straddle the bike again and you hesitantly hopped on behind him. “Hold me tight.” You are flabbergasted when he daringly grabbed your hands and wrapped them around his waist. His leather jacket felt cold around your arms and your body pressed up against his back.

When you heard the motor start, you looped your fingers together to squeezed onto him for dear life and you felt him squirm in your grasp. “Geez, don’t fucking crush me!” He yelled over the sound of the motor, but you only let up a miniscule amount.

Your breathing accelerated as he kicked off and drove out of the lot. It was stupid really. You had experienced a lot more dangerous things than this. Maybe it was because you weren’t in control of the circumstances here. You were putting your full trust in this man and trust is something you were not accustomed to.

The ride was terrifying and exhilarating all the same. The wind whipping around your body and through your hair was an experience you have never felt before. Adrenaline ran through your veins and - it was hard to explain - but you felt... free. You couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled up in your chest and you saw Minho slightly turn his head with a smile on his face. You threw your head back and let your mind ease itself of it's worries.

- - - - - - - - - -

It was about 11pm and you were currently singing ‘DDU-DU DDU-DU’ by Blackpink with Jeongin and Jisung, mostly laughing and stumbling into each other in attempts to dance. Normally you danced phenomenally, but at that moment, you were hammered enough to just let loose and flail your body in whichever direction fate had decided for you. The group was all laughing and taking videos of you three, but you didn’t care, you were lost in the moment.

When the next song came on, you slumped back onto your seat next to Minho on the long booth, circling around the small room to accommodate everyone around a couple tables. You felt hot from all of the dancing and laughter as your limbs and head laid limp against the seat. “Have fun?” Minho turned his gaze to you from where he was sitting by your side.

You let your head fall to the side from where it was leaned back against the head of the booth. The colorful and flashing lights flickered across his face, creating little dancing sparkles in his already gorgeous eyes. “Hell yeah, w’should do dis more offen.” Your drunken body leaned towards him and glared at the man. “Why didn’t y’look like y’were hav’n fun when I was *hiccup* singin’ and dancin’?” You bumped a tiny fist against his chest that somehow looked like it was getting closer. “You just sat there ‘n stared like y’hated me!” Your lower lip moved to jut out in a deep pout. You felt like you were sitting on a boat, waves rocking and wavering your movements.

He stared at you with a cheeky smile on his face for a moment. “Psh, I don’t hate anything, too much effort. I just wanted to watch you from behind.”

Now you weren’t sure if that phrase was misinterpreted in translation, or if you were just too drunk, but that definitely sounded pretty damn flirty. “You’re a teeease Minnie! Why’re all of y’guys sooo handsome? I feel like a nasty wart in th’group!” You twisted your eyebrows in confusion, already forgetting what just came out of your mouth.

He belted out a melodic laugh that made you swoon from your inebriation. “That’s sweet, but I wouldn’t say you’re quite like a wart. Maybe more of a mole.” He cackled when you shoved him over. “What?! A mole is more permanent!” You refused to let up your glower. Cheeky little asshole. “Kidding! Kidding! You’re gorgeous, little mouse.” His gaze was a little cloudy as well and you could see the indication of the five shots of soju everyone took on his red cheeks.

“Nooo y’r jus drunk ” You slurred out, poking your tongue out at him.

“Oh I’m the one who’s drunk?” He fully faced your staggering body in the booth to challenge you.

“Yeah!” You leaned forward, puffing your chest out to attempt intimidation. He let out a small chuckle and the both of you realized just how close you were as your eyes met each other. However, for some reason, neither of you moved away. Is the alcohol making us abandon all reason? You could've swore that his eyes had flit down to your lips, but you could’ve also imagined it. After all, you were a stupidly high level of plastered.

“Do... do you think you would wa–” Minho’s statement was cut off by a drunken Jisung sprawling his body over both of your laps.

“I looove y’guys sooo mush!” He was clinging onto Minho’s waist. “Wan’it t’always be like this…”

The two of you giggled. “Me too, Ji…” You smiled down at the quokka, but you refused to turn your attention back to Minho for the rest of the night.

- - - - - - - - - -

After a few months of you working and getting used to study sessions with Minho, the two of you had gotten extremely close. That also meant that you got extremely close with Jisung too, because those two men were just about attached at the hip. Minho was even comfortable enough now to hang out with you aside from classes and study sessions. However, the topic of the karaoke night was never brought up.

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays were your days scheduled for your dance class, and Tuesdays and Thursdays were scheduled for your art class right before tutoring. This meant that, unless you spent the weekend holed up doing shit-all, you would see Minho every day. You didn’t necessarily mind it, but it did absolutely no help to quell the germinating feeling in your gut of pure tension any time the two of you were alone.

Dance classes were the hardest. Not the dancing of course, you loved the dancing, feeling your inhibitions fly out the window as you moved to the beat of the music. You revered the art of it. No, the burdensomeness of it came from your fiery-haired classmate that was a dance god .

Hyunjin wasn’t kidding when he said Minho was well ahead of the curve when it came to dance. During your long, late-night talks with Minho, he had said he had been dancing ever since the start of middle school and never stopped. Any chance he could - unless he was working at his job assisting the local performing art’s center as an intern, or hanging out with friends - he was dancing.

You could never fully focus in class as you watched his stupid graceful movements with his stupid unholy physique like he’s a fucking stupid dance statue from hell. The worst part is, when you had decided to be taken under his wing before all the tutoring crap was decided, he had taken to assisting you with your technique in dance on top of helping with your other classes.

First it was simple instruction, a little ‘higher’ here and a ‘more powerful’ there, no problem at all. Welcome even. That’s until he started physically guiding you. Small touches to fix your posture which then turned into lingering hands that were full-on spotting your moves. You didn’t protest. How could you? When his hands felt like god’s fucking homemade buttermilk and melted you down to the faux-wooden padded flooring.

“It needs to be more angular with your posture, but not stiff.” You had taken a day from your tutoring to go to the round-the-clock student accessible practice rooms. You thought it was a good idea to get ahead in your class in order to achieve your choreography dreams sooner. It all made sense on paper, but your fatal mistake was your choice of instructor.

Minho gently placed his hands on your shoulders - while you were frozen in your previous dance pose - and pushed them down to relax them (as if you could possibly relax). This was followed by him gently placing his solid hands lower. One on the lower dip of your back and the other on your abdomen as he straightened your posture.

“You need to be able to feel the tension in your core.” He said, squeezing your abdominal muscles for emphasis. Trust me, I’m feeling the tension, you ungodly son of a bitch. You wondered if he knew what he’s doing to you. If he thought was fun making your breath hitch any time he touched you. Well two can play at that game, asshole.

You grabbed his forearm and held it in the proper position for the score, trying to look as unaffected as possible. “Should I roll my arm like this?” Your hand slowly glided up to rest on his shoulder. “Or should I just roll my shoulder back?” His mind looked staggered at your sudden boldness and a light pink dusted over his cheekbones. Your expression stayed utterly neutral. Pro move.

You looked at his lips twitch in an attempt to hold back a smile. “I think you should focus more on moving this.” He abruptly stood behind you and put a hand on your shoulder blade, pushing forward while holding your upper arm to roll back. The small stretch you felt from the pull brought a sensation of euphoria through your muscles. Embarrassingly, your mouth let out a small sigh of relief without warning.

“Feel good?” You heard him say in a low, husky voice, suspensefully closer to your ear. You felt stirring heat shoot straight to your lower abdomen. You could smell the pure sweat and testosterone oozing from his body and you felt like you could get high off of it with how lightheaded it was making you.

“Heh, yeah. Maybe I should have stretched more.” You found yourself leaning into the touch, not realizing the intimacy of it all. He started rubbing small circles with his thumb on your bare arm, still looming behind you like a predator. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

“Maybe we should call it quits for today.” You could feel his hands leave you and you wanted to cry from the loss of the delicious sensation. “Let’s go eat.” You internally fumed at the feline, feeling like he was just playing with his food. Stupid cat.

- - - - - - - - - -

On Saturday after your shift, it was around eight at night and you were more than happy to get home and get in an early sleep. However, when you gently opened the door to your flat, your eyes were scarred beyond repair. Chan and some random girl - as naked as the day they were born - were sucking face on the couch. They obviously hadn’t heard you enter because the chick was still riding Chan’s dick like her life depended on it. Your cheeks flushed with unparalleled embarrassment and you immediately turned around and gently shut the door behind you. You would rather sleep anywhere else than interrupt that mess.

You shivered slightly from the cooling weather (and partly from what you just witnessed) and thought of where you could go. Jisung and Jeongin shared a room in the university dorms as well as Changbin and Hyunjin. Seungmin still lived with his parents so that only left Minho. Of fucking course. Why does it have to be Minho? You groaned as you pulled out your phone.

“What's up?” Minho mumbled on the other line sounding like he’s eating something.

“Hey, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“If it involves heights, it's a hard pass.”

“No I nee– wait, you’re afraid of heights? Awww what an adorable little kitty.” You mockingly cooed at him.

“Yeah yeah, I’m a scaredy cat, I get it, I get it. What’s the favor?” You heard him take another bite.

“Well, I just witnessed the most horrifying scene I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t think I’ll be able to burn it out of my memory for as long as I live.” You knew you were being dramatic, but this particular occasion called for it.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Worry colored his voice and your heart swelled. Damn you, don’t be sweet to me.

You lightly chuckled. “It depends on what you classify as being ‘okay’. I just found Chan and some chick butt-ass naked on our couch fucking their brains out.”

“Awh nasty, not cool, hyung.” There was the faded voice of Jisung in the background saying ‘hell yeah, get it hyung!’

Your heart sank. “Oh shoot, you have Ji over, sorry! I’ll just ask someone else.”

“Wait–” He halted you, slightly choking on the food he was swallowing. “What did you need?”

You sighed dejectedly. “I was trying to find a different place to sleep tonight and you’re the only person who has a couch I can crash on.”

“Well Ji was just about to leave, actually.” You could hear a faint ‘No I was n–’ and a thud, followed by an ‘ow!’. For your own sanity, you pretended you didn’t notice the background exchange so your brain wouldn’t break from over processing.

“I don’t want to impose.” You said politely, only half meaning it because, let’s be real, you were really desperate.

“No imposition at all, come on over. I even have a spare toothbrush if you want it.”

Before you knew it you had already started walking. “You’re a fucking saint, I owe you Min. Just text me the address.”

Luckily, the bus stop next to your condo was a direct line to Minho’s apartment. You knew you had the right building when you saw his bike parked in the lot next to the complex. You knocked on the door tentatively, hoping it was the right flat and you heard rustling on the other side. Once the door swung open, you were met with a disheveled and panting Jisung.

“Do I want to know why you look utterly fucked out?”

Minho blushed as he walked up, looking the same as Jisung. “I just had Ji help me clean up real quick, my flat was a landfill.”

“Dude, I’m the one that’s barging in at nine at night. I already feel bad enough springing this on you, let alone subjecting you two to last minute spring cleaning.” You stepped inside as they gestured for you to come in.

“Like I said before, it’s no problem.” Minho looked down at you with a contagious smile.

“Well I really need to get home and do… things? Dishes? Yeah, dishes. See you guys later!” And with that, Jisung was out the door and it was just you and Minho. Shit this was a bad idea. Your stomach turned with nervousness. You’d been alone with him before, but you felt a lot more tense when you were alone with him in his private living space.

“Want something to drink? I have… water and… water? *heh* Oh! And gin.” He started walking toward the kitchen.

“Ew, who the fuck drinks gin?”

He shrugged. “No one, but I have it nonetheless.”

You sauntered inside behind him and took in your surroundings. One bedroom and one bathroom on the wall on your right, and the space that stretched out on your left first held a kitchen. Small, but big enough to have counter space and an island. The far wall had two small windows with a TV setting between them, sitting atop a simple, long coffee table. The couch stood a few feet from the island behind it, leaving just enough room between the TV and the couch and couch to the island to squeeze through comfortably.

Overall, it was probably only slightly larger than your apartment in Australia. “Why the hell not, I need my mind to escape Chan’s fucked out image from my head anyway.”

“A well deserved reason.”

“By the way, where are your cats? I wanted to meet them!” You walked over and took a seat on the couch, searching for them as Minho brought over two glasses of ice and a large bottle of Tanqueray.

“Back at home in Gimpo, I can't afford a place big enough for them yet.” You silently nodded your head, slightly sad you wouldn’t get to meet them. “Maybe I can take you there some time to meet them, mom’s a really good cook.” Your mind went haywire and as you looked over, his expression is extremely blasé. Calm the fuck down, your just like any of the rest of the guys in the group, no need to make it weird.

After the drinks started flowing and you two conversated about shit-all on the couch, you started to get less tense. “Uhk this stuff is disgusting, but I think I’m starting to get used to it.” You took another gulp of gin with a disgusted face.

“No shit Sherlock, that’s your third– no, fourth glass tonight.” There was that melodic laugh again that made warmth shoot up your spine.

“Well you’re not any better, you thirsty little kitty!” You coo at him and pinched his cheek that was reddening to match his ears. He didn’t protest like you thought he would though, he just froze and stared into your eyes with a fond expression. Your heart started beating fast and the nice, air conditioned apartment started feeling extremely hot.

The moment of silence made you clear your throat before speaking. “So, um, your apartment… it’s really nice.”

“Heh, yeah right, this place is a shithole. I’m just living here so I can save money.”

“No really!” You flushed from your suddenly loud outburst. “This place is ten times better than the flat I lived in back in Australia, and that was a one bed, one bath too.”

“One bedroom? Did you share the room with your parents?” He looked dumbfounded.

“Ew, GOD NO. I slept on the couch most nights. Some nights I would just go to Chan’s when my parents needed me gone for a day or two.”

“Needed you gone?” His expression turned from dumbfounded, to outright bewildered. This was when you realized that the alcohol had gotten to the point again where your mouth would blab out words without allowing you think about them first.

“Oh… yeah… But that’s why I don’t mind a night away from my flat, sleeping on the couch is no stranger to me.” You chuckled and tried to sound lighthearted to relieve the tension in the air, to no avail. His face fell. Shit, you let too much slip again.

He stared at you with two black pools of eyes, holding galaxies in each one. His expression was indiscernible. The air was knocked from your lungs while looking at his gorgeous face, flushed with alcohol. His eyes sank down to your lips just like last time during karaoke, but this time, they lingered there. Your eyes flit to his too, taking in his plump bottom lip, overlapped with the steep incline of his upper lip that tapered up to two round peaks at the center.

You wanted to blame the alcohol, the lack of sleep, the hard day’s work, anything. But really you just wanted to see what he tasted like, felt like. Apparently he had the same thoughts as your lips gently collided with one another with just a whisper of a kiss. It was sweet, humble really. Until it wasn’t.

Once his hand reached up to cup your face, you tilted your head to deepen the kiss. You flung your arms around his neck, one hand running through his fiery hair, and the other caressing his back. You could feel the hand on your cheek slide its way down to your neck as his other hand took purchase on your waist. His tongue sneaked out to gently seek out your bottom lip and you eagerly allowed its entrance, exploring and tasting each other’s mouths freely. He tasted like alcohol and something sweet that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. He smelt like heaven with his earthy and citrus scent as you felt fire run down your abdomen and both of your breaths started to get heavy.

You pressed closer to him, chests touching and bodies turned to face each other on the couch, knees interlocking. The kiss started to get hungrier as you ran your fingers through his hair, giving soft little tugs. His hands traveled from your waist to your hips, feeling his fingers on your skin where your shirt was riding up. His hands felt like fire and you relished in the intoxicating sensation.

You had abandoned all better judgment when you sat up to straddle Minho, lips never breaking contact. Your kisses began to get sloppy and he groaned as he moved from your lips to your jaw, to your ear, and to your neck. Oh god, yes. You gasped at the light sucking you felt on your pulse point. You instinctively pulled yourself closer, wanting more, needing more, moving from his lap to being flush against him. Also flush against… something else…

You were probably soaking in your panties as you felt the bulge beneath his jeans. Against all reason, your body naturally grinded against it. Both of you moaned in tandem and your head flew back in ecstasy, giving him better access to your neck. His gentle sucking turned into wet, open-mouthed kisses that trailed further and further down.

You knew that you should probably stop, but it all felt too delectable to even consider that. Your nerves were vibrating from the feeling of his tongue and hands against you. You wanted to feel him everywhere. You couldn’t find the will to stop grinding your sensitive clit over his erection, making you ever wetter and the bulge ever harder. The both of you were a panting mess and the sounds of obscene moans filled the room as you grinded faster. “M-Min–” You could start to feel the warmth of his hands travel up your back under your shirt and you keened . “M-more…” You could feel his shaky hands act upon your whispered words as he started to fumble with the clasp of your bra…

The loud sound of the vibration of your phone on the table made the both of you jump and look at each other in realization of your current position. You flew off of his lap as if he were made of fire and looked at your phone. Chan .

“Oh fuck, he’s probably wondering where I’m at.” You ran your hand through your disheveled hair.

“O-oh y-yeah… go ahead, I’ll, um… I’ll go get some things together for you...” Minho stumbled into his room and closed the door in a rush.

You took a shaky breath and pressed your palm to the beading sweat on your forehead. It took a second for you to collect yourself and answer. “H-hey Channie.”

“Where the fuck are you? I’ve been worried sick!” He sounded mad, but you knew it was just because he had been overthinking your safety again.

“I’m at Min’s place, I… um… saw that you had someone over so I’m staying with him for tonight.” Silence followed.

Followed by more silence.

“Hello–?” You’d wondered if you lost connection.

“What did you… *ahem* see exactly?” He sounded terrified.

“Oh nothing much…” A sigh of relief from the other end. “Just your disgusting naked ass on our couch with some chick riding your dick like she was late on her rent.” You stated matter-of-factly, knowing he was probably dying on the inside.

“Noooo, fuck! Shit, Kiyomi, I’m so sorr–”

“Please, Chan, it’s fine. Having roommates doesn’t mean you have to hold back on getting your dick wet.”

“Ew.”

“Don’t ‘ew’ me! Your not the one who had to see your best friend fucking on your damn sofa! Which, by the way, gross . I expect you to disinfect that thing immediately.”

“I know hun, I’m sorry… I didn’t mea–” He sounded absolutely ashamed of himself.

“I know, I know. It’s done with, just fuck on your own bed in the future please?” You rolled your eyes even though you knew he couldn’t see it.

“Of course, Kiyomi. I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“Damn straight you will.”

“So are you coming home now or staying there?” He sounded apprehensive and the previous actions between you and Minho flit through your mind.

“Chan, it’s like, what, eleven at night? No way I’m going home at this hour.” You said as you looked at the time on your phone.

“Yeah, you do sound pretty exhausted.”

“Work and drinking a fifth a bottle of gin will do that to you. Gross, I know.” You obviously hadn’t completely sobered up yet either because you had no idea why you said that.

“Wait, the two of you are drinking?” He started to sound like a riled up father-figure. Why were you not surprised?

“Calm down Chan. It’s Min we’re talking about here, he’s fine.” More than fine. Wait. Stop thinking these things stupid fucking brain!

“Yeah I guess you’re right, just make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep okay?”

“Okay.”

“And don’t forget to drink plenty of water and brush your teeth.”

“Okay! Okay! I get it mom .” You muttered at him with a condescending tone.

“Good… Well… love you sis. I’ll see you tomorrow, kay?”

“Kay, love you too. G’night Channie.”

“Good night little Kiyomi.” You smiled to yourself as the call ended, heart warmed with affection for your best friend.

You were dragged back down to reality as you heard a small clearing of a throat behind you. You braced yourself for the worst as you turned around to face him. He was holding a towel, some clothes, and a toothbrush stacked in a neat pile.

“Everything cool?” He mustered up the courage to talk.

“Yeah, I told him to clean up whatever…” You shivered in disgust.”... mess they made and now he owes me.” You said with a smug smile. You walked up and grabbed the stack of items in his hands. “Thanks.” You tried to make a beeline for the shower but he stopped you with a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, um, sorry about… earlier… I think we both just had too much to drink.” He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck. “I really hope things won’t be weird between us now.” Your heart ached with these words, wanting to erase any uncertain feelings.

“Of course it’ll be weird. But we are always weird so it comes with the territory right?” You joked to try and ease the tension. He still locked eyes with you with a nervous expression. You sighed and put a friendly hand on his own that was still placed on your shoulder, making him go rigid. “Don’t worry Min. We’re friends, no drunken mistake is going to change that.” Mistake, that’s all it was, a mistake. You internally tried to drill that into your brain. “It’s only weird if we make it weird, right?”

You felt him physically relax under your hand. “Right…”

“Cool, I'm go gonna get ready for bed and use all of your hot water. Good night!” You said with a convincing lilt of your voice.

“Heh, good night little mouse.” You could feel your face flush and you quickly turned to lock yourself in the bathroom before he saw.

You took an almost painfully hot shower and attempt to overpower the heat in between your legs as your mind unintentionally floated back on yours and Minho’s… encounter earlier. You tried to escape the thoughts as you got changed into Minho’s clothes. You tried to escape the thoughts as you brushed your teeth. You tried to escape them as you walked out to fall asleep on the couch. It was almost working, until you rounded the back of the couch to be met with the beautiful, fiery haired man that had been plaguing your mind, clad in nothing but some tattered sweatpants and sprawled along the length of the sofa.

You, once again, stared in awe at his beautiful naked and sculpted torso and had to shake yourself back to reality. “What’re you doing, Minnie? I want to go to sleeeeep.” You whined and nudged the arm that was holding his phone up to his face.

His eyes flicked over to his clothes that you’re wearing and then back at his phone as he responded. “You’re not sleeping on any damn couch ever again. Take the bed, the sheets are clean.”

You got slightly annoyed. “Damnit Minho, I told you that I’m perfectly fine with the couch. Now move your ass!”

He glared back at you. “Make me.”

Make him? God, he was being such a child. You played his little game and grabbed him by his ankles to swing them off the couch, but he didn’t budge an inch. You could see his thigh muscles clench beneath his pants so he could plant himself into the cushions. “Ugh! Minho!” You sat on top of him and tried to squeeze your butt in between Minho and the back of the couch, attempting to roll him off of it. He started laughing heartily at your struggling attempts.

“Tsk, you’re so stubborn.” You heard him mutter before he rolled out from under you and grabbed your wrists. Before you knew it, he was hiking you up over his shoulder like a ragdoll and carried you to the bedroom.

“Minho! What the hell?!” You threw tiny fists at his back but couldn’t stop the giggles that were bubbling up in your chest. You suddenly felt that same warmth in between your legs at the prospect of being manhandled as he pulled back the covers and threw you on the bed, wrapping you tightly into the sheets.

“Stay.” He pointed at you like an owner training his dog. You glared and poked your tongue out at him. Seeing as you weren’t trying to get up, he smiled. “Good girl.” A shiver wrecked your body from hearing the words. Go straight to hell, Lee Minho . He proudly walked out the door and gently shut it behind him, leaving you alone in the darkness, buried in his scent.

- - - - - - - - - -

Fortunately, things weren’t super awkward between the two of you after that. Yes there were times where physical contact was followed by blushing faces and study sessions where the two of you were alone seemed a bit... tense. But other than that, everything was completely fine. More than fine actually. And it seemed Chan had noticed as well.

“What’s going on between you and Minho?” The two of you were snuggled up under the blankets on the couch one Monday before bed, watching a classic anime you both loved when Chan questioned you out of the blue.

“W-what do you mean?” You nervously chuckled, being thrown completely off guard.

“I mean that you two seem to be getting pretty close lately.” He eyed you suspiciously.

“Channie.” You laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’ve already told you, you don’t have to be jealous, hun. You will forever be the top spot amongst my friends.” You exaggerated your consolation.

He rolled his eyes at you and shrugged off your hand. “That’s not what I mean, Kiyomi. You two just…” You looked at him more intensely, scanning his features for a hint at what was going through his mind. “...I mean, okay. For example, he told me he was worried about you and your family situation. He obviously means something more to you if you are telling him about that shit.”

Your eyes widened in disbelief. “He said that?” He nodded in a demeanor that screamed ‘well duh’. “You didn’t tell him anything did you?”

“No, he didn’t ask.”

“Good.” You replied immediately. “I might have told him about my ‘couch’ situation growing up due to idle chatter and a dizzying amount of alcohol, but that’s it. I don’t ever want our friends to know more than that. I’d rather that life be dead and gone.” He sighed and held your hand.

“I know, hun. I know. I just want to protect you. I trust all of our friends unconditionally, so when it comes to anyone else, I don’t think you are quite ready for any… commitments yet. I don’t want you to feel backed into a corner ever again.”

You pulled your hand from his grasp. “What do you mean commitments?”

He looked at you like you had taken away his puppy. “I- I just mean I don’t think you’re ready for any kind of relationshi–”

“Channie, please. I know what I am and am not ready for. Are you seriously telling me not to date?” You huffed and looked away with a disbelieving smile.

He glowered at you and his voice became more stern. “No, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t tread in unknown waters. People are dangerous–”

“Oh please, drop the whole ‘father figure’ act, Chan. I can protect myself.” You started to feel hot steam rise up in your ears, ready to burst.

“Y/N, you are defenseless when I’m not with you and are nowhere near experienced enough to make that judgme–” His harsh voice popped your self control like a bubble.

“Oh, inexperienced because I’m a virgin? Or defenseless because I was almost raped? Which one is it Chan? Because as I see it, I am still older than you. My ‘defense’ comes from my willingness to attack a fully grown drug dealer and my ‘experience’ comes from years of hard work and intuition. Not just from getting someone's dick shoved in me, not Minho’s or whoever the fuck else’s you think I’m slutting around for.” You felt hot tears run down your face that you quickly wiped away. “Stop trying to baby me, Chan. If I want to date, I’m going to date. If I want to fuck around, I will fuck around. Whatever it is, it’s none of your goddamn business!”

You stood up and marched to your room. “Y/N, get back h–!” You slammed your door behind you before he could get in another word. You were fuming. Why did he always have to act like he was the big brother? Why in the world should your love life be dictated by what your past experiences were? And why the fuck did he have to bring Minho into that conclusion?

An image flashed through your mind as if to answer that last question. An image that was completely unwelcome while you were this heated and riled up. An image consisting of you and said redhead drunkenly grinding on his couch in your sploosh-drenched panties. All other thought processes flew out of your mind like dandelion seeds as more obscene images continued to invade your thoughts. You shook your head to try and get rid of them, although they were definitely more welcome than the encounter you just had with Chan.

You decided to start up a hot bath in hopes of relaxing all of the tension buzzing around in your body. However, as you sunk into the much needed seamy pool of water, your mind drifted back to Minho. Why was he so infuriating? It’s my mind, I should at least have control over that. He had no right to make himself a home there, rent free even! You huffed in annoyance and closed your eyes, trying to think of the sudsy water surrounding you.

You tried to meditate on your slow, controlled breaths. Listening to the foam of the bubbles dissipating in little crackling noises. Feel the warmth of the water encasing your legs, thighs, hips. Hips . His hands were even hotter than the water you were currently soaking in. The hands that ran over your neck, your waist, your hips, and under your shirt up your back.

Fucking Chan. If only Chan hadn’t called, you would finally find out what Minho felt like in other areas. You subconsciously dipped your hand down to your aching core, flicking the pad of your thumb over the sensitive bead of your clit. You let yourself be swallowed by pleasure as you felt your mind wander. Fuck it.

Could he have been thinking of going further too? He had been working on your bra, so you had a pretty good guess as to where it was leading. Your unoccupied hand snaked up your torso to rest on your breast, tweaking the red bud at the tip and rolling it between your fingers. You let out a long sigh. His hands would have held them so much better than you could. The rubbing on your clit took you back to the feeling of you grinding it against his rock-hard bulge. You added a bit more pressure to your efforts and let your imagination run rampant.

You envisioned yourself being pressed against his silky sheets and imagined being touched where you most wanted him. You let the finger that was circling your clit glide down in between your folds. You moaned as you entered yourself, imagining all the while that it was him entering you, curving right up into your sweet spot. Staring down at you with that intimidating gaze and those long, dark eyelashes that fanned over his cheeks. Drinking in your moans as if to quench his undying thirst. Ramming hard into you faster and faster and faster until you were cumming. And you were cumming.

Your body went rigid through your orgasm, then completely limped overall as you came down from your high. You could call it ‘post-nut clarity’ or whatever, but you wanted Minho. You wanted one of your close friends more than you’ve ever wanted anyone. And that scared the shit out of you.

- - - - - - - - - -

It was a few days after your’s and Chan’s fight and you still refused to discuss it with him. You knew it was childish, but you were too proud to say anything until he apologized. So here you sat, completely devoid of all emotions in your art class next to Lee Minho, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

It was Thursday and the two of you had finished your individual assignments, yours being a self portrait and his being an abomination of a drawing of a cat. Or as he liked to call it ‘Lee-caso’s latest and greatest masterpiece’. The professor bathed the room in darkness as she projected a film of some sort of historical piece of art or whatever, and you could see Minho lean into you from your peripheral vision.

“Hey little mouse.” A shiver ran down your spine as you felt the blow of the warm whisper coming from his lips.

You leaned in closer as well, keeping your head facing forward so as to not arouse suspicion from the professor (and so you wouldn’t have to face him at this proximity). “You know you sound extremely creepy when you say that? Especially while whispering?”

He chuckled and you could swear you could hear a darkness behind it. You stiffened as he leaned in even closer. “Would you rather me whisper something else, Kiyomi?” Fuck… Shut the fucking fuck up… fucker.

White hot pumping started to feel painfully evident in your veins and you felt your ears burning bright red, hoping he, and Jeongin across the table, wouldn't notice. You jabbed your elbow at him in annoyance. “What do you want, Min?”

“I just wondered if you were going to Seungmin’s new place tomorrow night? I know you’re not working and he wanted us all to stay the night and get shit-faced to celebrate the liberation from his parents.”

You tore your gaze from the front of the room to face him, suffocatingly close. “A-all of us are going?”

He flashed a crooked smile at you. “Yeah, you in?”

For some stupid ass reason your stomach was doing somersaults and you wanted to dunk your head in an ice bath from how heated you were. Why the fuck did this infuriating, beautiful piece of meat affect you so much? Stupid piece of meat.

You knew it wasn't not his fault, not really. He was only being himself, even if it wasn't at all fair that his natural self looked like a goddamn masterpiece every time you saw him. “For sure, I could definitely go for a little inebriation right now.” More than a little really.

“Cool, I’ll let him know. Oh, and you won’t see me for tutoring today or in class tomorrow ‘cause I have plans and an appointment during those times.”

“Oh, okay cool, what appointme–” You were cut off by the flickering of the lights being switched on and the professor announcing the dismissal of class.

“See you at Seungmin’s, Kiyomi.” Minho pinched your cheek briefly and jet straight out of class without another word. You cursed at yourself when even that tiniest touch affected you.

“You okay, noona? You’re looking kind of red.” You had an internal breakdown from Jeongin’s observation.

“Nah I’m fine, Innie. Just kind of hot in here.” Thankfully he just nodded his head and walked with you out of class. Whew, dodged that bullet.

That tutorless night was filled with you locking yourself in your room, away from Chan.

_________________________________________

Click here for Part Two

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

#lee know smut #lee know x reader #lee know fanfic #minho smut #kpop smut #stray kids smut #kpop imagines #skz smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz imagines #stray kids fanfic #skz scenarios #lee know x female reader

391 notes · View notes

thetokentrans · 6 months ago

Text

Bobby Nash is a Good Man

(I wrote a new fic! It's an alternate take on the scene between Eddie and Bobby in S5E18)

AO3

Eddie fought against the urge to fidget as he waited for Bobby to open the door. The last time he had shown up unannounced, they had really gotten into it. This time was different, but still could potentially end similarly. Eddie let out a sigh, putting his hands behind his back and channeling his military training, to give his brain something to focus on. His posture righted itself. He shifted his gaze to the floor for a moment before the door opened and Eddie snapped his attention to the face of the man behind it.

"Eddie!" Bobby said, voice surprised but warm, though also slightly guarded.

"Bobby." He smiled and raised his hands in the air in a sign of surrender. "Promise I don't have any transfer requests in my hand."

Bobby chuckles and responds, "Alright, then you can come in." He moves to the side to let the other man into the house.

"Can't stay long, I need to pick up Christopher." He says as he walks into the living room of the Grant-Nash home. He paused, turning to look at his Captain - rather, former captain - before continuing.

"But um, I wanted to say… Jonah wasn't your fault." Eddie stared Bobby down, trying to hold his eyeline, his brown eyes serious.

Bobby's face was grave and his voice had a bit of an edge to it when he responded, "Eddie."

"No, look. I spent the last few months trying to put away a lot of things from the past and move on." Eddie interrupted Bobby, wanting to say his whole piece before he lost his nerve. "What I've learned is, you can't carry someone else's weight. It'll take you under."

Bobby stared at him, a shine to his eyes. "I'm the Captain. My responsibility -"

"Is your team."

Bobby sighs, but Eddie continues, prepared to talk over his captain - former captain, Eddie mentally corrects himself yet again - if he tries to speak again.

"But he was on the 118 for what… a few weeks?" Eddie's gaze never wavers from Bobby's eyes as he speaks, determined to make the words sure the words stick. "You barely knew him. You think you missed something? All of those other cities, those other houses. Everybody missed something." His voice was soft but determined.

Bobby shook his head and gazed at Eddie with glassy, red-rimmed eyes. "This happened on my watch. He killed Claudette, and who knows how many others...."

"Because he thought he was a god. But he's not." He paused for a moment, before adding, "Neither are you. You're not all knowing and all seeing, Bobby. You're just a good man."

This last line makes Bobby break eye contact with Eddie, shaking his head as he looks away for a second.

"I'm not. I am not." His voice is strained as he says this, and the pain in it makes Eddie's heart hurt.

"You saved my life. And my son's."

And it's the truth. If Bobby hadn't hired him, he wouldn't have met the 118 - his chosen family. He wouldn't have met Carla, who have him the tools to improve his son's life. He wouldn't have met Buck, who would do nearly anything for Eddie and Chris. Who felt like home.

"So… whatever responsibility you take for Jonah, make sure you take some credit for me. You earned it."

Eddie looked at his watch and realized he was running late. He hadn't intended to leave Carla alone with Chris and his gaggle of friends for too long.

"I've gotta go." He walks past Bobby and starts up the stairs toward the door.

Of course the thoughts of the 118 brought him to thoughts of Buck - it never really took much for Eddie's thoughts to drift to his best friend. But he thinks about how far Buck has come even in just the short time Eddie has known him, and how much of that is thanks to Bobby having confidence in his abilities and giving him space to just be. Buck really is even more a testament to how good of a man Bobby is than Eddie, he realizes. Does Bobby know that?

"You also saved Buck, too, you know. I don't know if he'd ever admit it." He turns around as he speaks. "But…You've raised and cared for him more in the years he's been in the 118 than his parents ever did. You helped him break through his need to put on a façade, and really become himself. So take some credit for that too, Bobby. I think, really, if you look at the whole of the crew at the 118, they, we, outweigh the whole Jonah thing."

Eddie can't help the tears that start streaming down his cheeks, can't help how strained with emotions his has become. Part of it is the pain of realizing that one of the best men he's ever met can't admit that he's a good man. But the other part is just. Buck. And he doesn’t allow himself the space to think about that for too long.

"You provide this space for all of us to shine together, and separately, you know? To try to be better, constantly. That little family unit makes running into those scary situations a lot easier." He takes a deep breath before adding, "That's one of the things I miss most, really."

An image of Buck and himself in their turnout gear flashes in his head, Buck's hand on his shoulder and - though he can't see it, he's sure it's there - megawatt smile on display, pointed in Eddie's direction.

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have one of the most important people in my life, Bobby." This part was almost a whisper, meant to be more for himself than Bobby, but he can see the small, teary smile on Bobby's face in his peripheral vision.

Eddie shakes his head, wiping away the tears and clearing his throat before continuing. "So try to remember that, the next time you feel the need to count your sins. You saved me, in more ways than one, when you took me on. When you pushed Buck and I together." Eddie takes a deep sigh before turning back toward the door. "Now I really need to go."

Bobby had turned to face Eddie when he walked toward the door initially, but at some point when Eddie hadn't noticed, Bobby had also walked closer to where Eddie was perched at the top of stairs.

Bobby enveloped him in a tight, but brief hug, murmuring a "Thank you" before releasing him and slapping him on the shoulder.

"Alright, now get outta here." Bobby joked, his eyes still red rimmed but less glassy.

Eddie nodded once before letting himself out.

#911 abc #eddie diaz #911 #911 fanfiction #911 fanfic #911 fandom #bobby nash

21 notes · View notes

honeybewrites · 6 months ago

Text

OC Origins Name Tag

Thank you @the-golden-comet for the tag!! This seems like a fun one!!

Rules: I want to know how you came up with your original character’s names and personalities. Are they based on people in your real life? Are they straight from your brain? Are they a mix of several people?

My names really... vary on how I come up with them. A lot of times, especially for side characters, it's just 'what letters can I throw together that sound cool and look pleasing?' or 'I like this word so let's turn it into a name!' I've actually got a whole note on my phone dedicated just to random names I come up with lol

Asset 703

So um, technically, she does have a name haha. I just haven't shared it yet because I've got this whole name reveal scene planned out that I'm basically debating on whether I should share it or make you guys wait for the finished product. I created her name when I was in middle school and it's stayed the same since then. The inspiring word was 'Chalcanthite' which is a toxic vibrant blue mineral found in copper mines (I had a geology phase). The number 703 was just a random number I threw together that looked good to me.

Fres

Fres has had a couple name changes over the years, along with some sex and gender switches, but this seems to be the one I've finally landed on. Honestly, I don't even remember how I came up with it. It was probably just a throw letters together situation. They've always had short names though.

Ronan "Rage" Airvix

Rage has also never had a name change. His inspiration for the name 'Rage' was actually the clones from Star Wars. I liked how their names weren't really things you would name somebody and were more off their personality or defining traits and I wanted to kind of follow that idea. Rage just kind of clicked. I also liked how it was the opposite of his personality, until you pissed him off. The name 'Airvix' came because he used to be a different species. An Aveei, which come from Realm Aveilu. Lots of As I know. I wanted a last name that kind of played off of air, aviation, or astro. The name just transferred over when he changed species.

Master Gerd

Once again, I don’t really recall how his name came about. He semi-recently had a character makeover, or downgrade I guess, because he's a dick. He's been in and out of the WIP in various forms since middle school and I can't really recall.

Healer Asurr

I threw some letter together and called it a day. They've had a couple variations with the word 'sure' being the starting point. Threw in some letters, dropped some, fiddled with a couple different spellings, and eventually decided on Asurr.

I'm tagging EVERYONE for this game because it was super fun and I wanna know how y'all came up with names! SO! *takes deep breath*

@fractured-shield @leahnardo-da-veggie @themboty @ink-enchanted @minamaybe

@halfbakedspuds @diabolical-blue @charlesjosephwrites @kaylinalexanderbooks @bookish-karina

@illarian-rambling @anaisbebe @aalinaaaaaa @katenewmanwrites @nczaversnick

@wyked-ao3 @yourpenpaldee

If I missed anyone, I apologize and consider yourself tagged! Seriously, please hop on this game it's so fun!

Also, open tag if anyone else wants to hop on!!

#echoes of war chronicles #eowc #writers tag game #writerscommunity #writeblr #writers on tumblr #my ocs

24 notes · View notes

mbavholidayexchange · 3 days ago

Text

to: @the-rorster from: @vampwitchcoven

title: he’s the girl next door (just for me) | word count: 2,136 | summary: Benny is now out as genderfluid, but Rory is Rory, so he doesn’t know about it. Without knowing they’re the same person, Rory falls in love with both Benny and Betty at the same time and goes to Ethan for some advice. | AO3 Link

Betty may have left the cheerleading team, but she was just as beautiful as ever in her skinny jeans and strawberry sweater when Rory saw her hanging by the hallways at school.

“So you didn’t move!”

Betty turned to him and her face immediately turned into a frown. “Huh?”

“You said in your letter that you moved away. But you’re here!”

Betty widened her eyes, trying to process the situation she was in.

“Wait, I know.”

“Okay, good, because I was so confused like how could you not know—”

“You came to see me!”

Betty blinked again, face blank. Then, she smiled weakly. “Yeah! Just, I actually transferred back. Didn’t adjust in my old school.”

“Wait, really? That’s great! I mean, I’m sorry about your old school. But at least now we’re together!”

“Yeah, for sure…”

“Well, what do you have next for classes?”

“Um, actually I have bio right now…”

“Aw, I have math. But walk you to your class?”

“Oh, Rory, you don’t need to,” she said, her cheeks slightly red.

“But I want to.”

“Okay.”

As they walked side by side, Rory took in Betty, all of her. He couldn’t believe he was so lucky to date such a cute girl like her.

“Alright, we’re here.”

“Oh.” Rory was a bit disappointed to have to leave her, but he supposed boyfriends couldn’t be with their girlfriends all of the time. “Well, kiss goodbye?”

Betty widened her eyes again, then turned to the classroom. “Oh, wow, the teacher is already here, I’m so late! Bye, Rorykins!”

Rory pouted as he watched her run away, until he remembered he was late himself. If the school didn’t have cameras in the hallways, he would’ve just flown away.

Benny never meant to make a big deal out of it. Some days he felt more like Benny, some days more like Betty, some others like either. It took her a long time to get it, but, at the end of the day, it was how it was.

So he never really came out officially to anyone other than Ethan. Sarah seemed to figure it out when the cheerleading thing happened, Erica would fully spread it around the school like the hottest gossip and Rory was… Rory.

So it was really just about him being comfortable being who she was.

But, of course, at some point things had to crumble.

“Do you guys wanna get some pizza after class?”

“Rory, you can’t eat garlic.”

Rory shrugs. “I can just ask for no garlic. Pizza is still pizza, garlic or not.”

“Glad to know vampires still like pizza even if they don’t eat to survive anymore.”

Rory didn’t reply, instead busying himself up with opening his locker. Suddenly, he spoke again. “Hm, maybe we can invite Betty.”

The thing is: Rory didn’t know. Benny had no idea how that happened, since the whole school ended up knowing about it by now. Maybe it’s that Rory doesn’t pay attention to some things, or maybe it’s the fact that he didn’t talk to that many people at school, but nonetheless, he was completely unaware. And the cheerleading incident — which, mind you, was Benny’s genderfluid awakening in the first place — sure didn’t help, since now Rory thought Betty was this hot cheerleader girl who totally dated him then moved away. It was a whole mess, honestly.

Ethan and Benny looked at each other. “Uhhh, actually… Betty is sick.”

Rory frowned. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, she can’t make it. For that reason.”

“Oh.” He pouted, then perked up. “Wait, why do you guys always know what’s up with Betty before I do?”

Benny and Ethan widened their eyes. Benny tried to come up with an excuse, although he couldn’t find one. “Well, it’s because… because…”

“They’re cousins! Is why.” Ethan explained, and Benny tried not to make his relief show on his face.

“Wait, what? How did I not know that?”

“I don’t know how either!” Benny laughed awkwardly, fighting the frustration. Rory had always been… well, Rory, but why did he have to be so clueless sometimes?

“Well, since you’re her cousin, does she talk about me?”

Benny flushed. “We don’t talk that much, okay? But, yeah… she does.”

Ethan eyed him weirdly, and Benny avoided the eye contact like a plague.

“Nice!” Rory said with a little jump, and Benny was just relieved he didn’t start floating.

The bell rang and Rory just waved excitedly at both of them before leaving for his next class.

“Remind me why we’re keeping this from him again?” Ethan asked the minute he was gone.

Benny sighed. “Look, Ethan, he’s like… in love with Betty, or whatever. I don’t wanna ruin this for him.”

“Yeah, but then you’re just leading him on.”

“No! No, I would never… want to do that.” Benny didn’t really feel like that’s what he was doing, but he might’ve been. No matter how cute he was sometimes, Rory didn’t know the truth, so he couldn’t be in love with Betty for who she really was — which was also Benny.

“Well, I just think… I don’t know, you know maybe I wouldn’t have the courage to say it either, but, if you’re asking me, you either tell him the truth or go back into the closet every time you run into him. Which is probably not very good for you. Or him, honestly.”

“You’re right. It’s just…”

“Scary?”

“Yeah.”

Ethan sighed. “I get why it could be. But just remember it’s Rory. He loves you.” Benny’s heart almost leapt out of his chest at that. “He’ll be fine with it, trust me.”

“I’m not sure. I hope so.” Benny’s thoughts wandered off. How would Rory react? “But thanks, Ethan. I’ll try to mention it soon.”

Betty didn’t show up the next day. Or the next week.

Rory wanted to check up on her, but Benny told him it’d be better not to. She was in a ‘crampy mood’ as he said. He doesn’t really want to know what that would mean for his sweet Betty.

It was a stressful week, though. He didn’t know why vampires still had to sit through finals and everything. It felt pointless when, theoretically, he’d have eternity to do whatever he wanted.

Either way, the whole week would have to be spent suffering through school and hanging out with Benny and Ethan — which was always fun, but not too much when he missed the girl of his dreams everyday.

It was during one of those hangouts when something weird happened.

The three of them were on Ethan’s couch playing video games as they always do, until Ethan announced he had to go to the bathroom, leaving Benny and Rory all alone.

Benny took a deep breath, leg shaking and all, and turned to Rory. “Hey, Rory, I gotta tell you something.”

Rory frowned. “Yeah? What is it?”

Rory took in Benny’s face. He had magical blue eyes quite similar to Betty’s, and a nose just as boopable. He had a frown on his face, which made him look all the more cute. His eyes were on their way to looking at Benny’s lips when he realized Benny just said something he definitely didn’t hear.

“Huh?”

Benny looked even more nervous. “I asked you if you really liked Betty that much.”

Rory frowned. “Yeah, of course I do. Why?”

Benny bit his lip, and Rory looked down to it once again. They were pretty and looked kissable, just like Betty’s.

Ethan suddenly walked in again, sitting down in the middle of the two on the couch. “Okay, let’s get back to me kicking your asses.”

He took another glance at Benny, who looked almost ashamed. He wondered what could have happened to make him feel this way.

And then he remembered the last thought he had before Ethan walked in, and frowned at his own mind.

He was dating a total hot babe, so why did his heart — maybe not literally; he was a vampire, after all — start skipping a beat for Benny too?

“Ethan, I have a question.” Rory announced when he saw Ethan by the lockers the next day. He’d gotten to school earlier just so he could talk to Ethan without Benny being there.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Can you be in love with two people at the same time?”

Ethan raised his eyebrows at that, and stared at Rory for a moment. “Uhhhh… I mean, sure? Rory, look, you know I’ve never dated anyone. Maybe you should ask Sarah or Erica or Benny—”

“Definitely not Benny.”

Ethan laughed. “I mean, yeah, he’s not the most experienced either.”

Rory resisted the overwhelming urge to expose himself, but he couldn’t fight the curiosity inside of him. “But, uh, Benny’s not dating anyone, right?”

Ethan shaked his head. “Nope.”

Rory laughed unconvincingly, pushing his bangs away from his face. “Yeah, he’d give no good advice then.”

“Benny, Benny.” Ethan ran to him as lunch had just begun. “I think I have huge news.”

“Huh? What is it?”

“Rory recently asked me if he could be in love with more than one person at the same time. Which means he might be moving on from Betty. Or, I mean, you!”

Benny stood frozen for a second, not knowing how to react as his heart sank. But Ethan didn’t know. Should Ethan know, or would it make it even more complicated?

“Why are you doing that face? Isn’t this a good thing?” He tried to smile to encourage Benny to do the same, but it didn’t work. “Wait… you don’t want Rory to stop liking you, don’t you?”

Benny sighed, defeated. “Yeah, I… I guess not.” He thinks of Rory, all sparkly eyes and cute smiles, and he decides that, no matter how embarrassing Ethan might think he is, there’s no point in lying anymore. “Look, I know it might be weird ‘cause we’ve been friends forever but… I really like him, E.”

“It’s okay, B. Look, he said he still likes Betty anyway. Maybe…” Ethan put a hand on his shoulder, before widening his eyes and almost falling back. Holy shit, Benny thought, he’s having a vision.

Benny waited until Ethan could come back to the present. “Did you just have a vision?”

Ethan smiled at him. “Benny. The other person Rory likes is you.”

Benny frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He said he’s in love with two people at the same time, right? Well, the ‘two people’ are Betty AND Benny. Which are, you know. Both you.”

Benny opened and closed his mouth, unsure on what to say, or think.

Ethan pat him on the back and pushed him forward. “Go tell him right now!”

Benny walked forward, before he realized— “Wait, where is he?”

Ethan laughed. “He’s just headed to English. Now go!”

Benny ran, although he wasn’t really sure why. It wasn’t like Rory was going to get away from him or anything. Maybe it were the nerves, the way his hands were already clammy and he was all jittery inside. He caught a glimpse of blond hair, and froze.

Okay, it’s now or never.

“Rory!”

Rory turned, surprise written on his face. “Benny?”

Benny panted, a mix of nervousness and just general exhaustion from running. “Rory. Hi. Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah, I mean, I have class but I don’t care.”

Benny laughed a little at that, then stopped when he remembered what he was here for. “Okay. So. You like Betty.”

Rory blinked. “Yeah?”

“And you like… me?”

Rory flushed, then attempted to scoff. “Who told you that?”

Benny raised his eyebrows. “Well, do you?”

Rory sighed. “Yeah… but look, I’m dating Betty, okay? I wouldn’t cheat on her or anything.”

Benny smiled. “You don’t have to.”

“Okay, good, because—”

Benny surprised him with a small kiss, and he stumbled back. “I’m Betty, doofus.”

Rory frowned. “Wait.” Then— “How?”

“I came out as genderfluid like a week ago. I genuinely have no clue how you didn’t know about it.”

“Oh?” Rory looked to the side, looking deep in thought. “Ohhhhh.”

“Yeah.”

“Wait.” He looked at Benny again. “So I don’t like two different people.”

Benny shaked his head.

“And Betty wasn’t sick last week. It was just you.”

Benny pinched his cheek. “Now you’re getting it.”

“Oh.” He looked sheepish all of a sudden. “So I can kiss you?”

“Yes, Rory. You can.”

Rory leaned in, a little cautious, until he felt Benny reciprocate and finally relaxed. Benny pulled away and grabbed Rory’s arm as soon as he felt him start floating again. “Woah.”

“Okay, okay, now get to class.” Benny smiled, and Rory reluctantly started heading towards the classroom.

That is, until he turned to look back again. “Does this mean I have a girlfriend-boyfriend now?”

Benny smiled. “Yeah, Rory. You do.”

#submission #mbav #my babysitters a vampire #my babysitter's a vampire #mbav holiday exchange #mbavholidayexchange #benny weir #rory keaner

12 notes · View notes

eliteseven · 21 days ago

Note

The drabble was fantastic - never apologise for writing more and feeding us. Just wondering, is it on AO3? I want to bookmark this crack fic for when I need to feel better 😭 (absolutely no pressure, though, if you don’t want to post it on there)

And wanted to second the other anon. I’ve always found it weird how immediate the getting together is. In my mind, it actually goes weirdly like this crack fic? Halsin usually ends up crushing on my Tav and he’s so sweet about understanding if you don’t reciprocate, but in my first playthrough he was lowkey baffled my Tav didn’t feel the same way. So, I’ve always pictured the Tav and Shadowheart getting together moment as one that comes from Shads (couldn’t helping herself but) overhearing the whole camp sharing about how they’ve individually had crushes on Tav too to cheer Halsin up.

Babbling now but I thought you might this coincidence fun.

Thank you so much!!! 🥰 I’m so happy you enjoyed it, I had fun writing all the drabbles!

I didn’t put it on AO3 bc they’re kinda…I don’t want to say “half-assed” lol bc it still took a lot of effort and care, but they lack a lot of exposition, descriptive flavoring, additional scenes for context, etc.

(for instance, the last drabble should’ve had a full blown conversation where Tav and Shads talk about their relationship, but I didn’t include it bc it was clashing with the humorous vibes and it would’ve been like 8k after 😅)

But I don’t mind uploading them in like a series of oneshots/drabbles? These are meant to be supplemental to NLS series main works. I just didn’t know if it was easier to access here or on Ao3! So if there’s interest, I can def transfer them to the archive! No worries 🥰

——————

As for your other point- yesss, it felt abrupt!! I think the crack fic idea sort of works bc of the game dynamic of everyone potentially being Tav’s LI, especially at the beginning!

Haha that’s a sweet idea! Halsin will bounce back, I’m sure 😅 for Serena it was Wyll!!! Like they were VERY close to being a thing if Shadowheart didn’t exist.

I think Shadowheart’s relationship to jealousy is also really interesting, given that she’s new to it (I feel like cloister life did not breed romantic jealousy in the way one might imagine). So her not knowing what to do with her feelings and just sort of letting Tav know how badly she wants them is…sweet, in a way.

I like Shadowheart being the one to ask for the relationship to progress to the next level, given that she’s the one harboring all these doubts for so long! 🥹 she deserves the world.

#nls series #oc: serena tavyndír #shadowheart #nobleheart #ask #anonymous

7 notes · View notes

spontaneousglitterbees · 11 months ago

Text

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

The paper has it spelled out like sunrise over a lake; she can’t help but look at it until she has to make herself look away. Her first ‘client’, the fellow student she’s meant to be shadowing for the week, the person she is tasked with protecting if she wants to pass this class after transferring in partway through the semester is none other than–

“Ooh, bad luck.”

(Part of the TAPP AU, also on Ao3)

Ouma’s voice squeaks out from beside her upper arm so suddenly she flinches.

“Oh please, Harukawa, don’t tell me I caught you off guard. That’s like, your entire thing, now!” he sounds so jovial, without a care in the world, but his chest heaves as though he also just shuddered down to the core.

“You did this.” She states it without room for uncertainty.

“Why the hell would I do that?” he flicks his hand toward the sheet of printer paper pinned to the corkboard, the one that has condemned them for the next one-hundred-sixty-eight hours. It’s up there for the whole school to see. “It’s not even my MO to hack this school’s ancient copy machine, or whatever, I’m out for a good time. Besides, I’d like to live, thanks much.”

Maki is entirely unimpressed. “It is precisely your MO to stomp on my nerves in every way you can,” she enunciates with each step forward.

His grip tightens around the handle of his cane, still smiling. His knuckles threaten to rip themselves to shreds.

“Actually,” a voice chimes in, stern but not unkind. “It makes perfect sense, does it not? You are both in Class 79, which ought to alleviate some of the initial awkwardness.”

Silver hair catching the artificial overhead light, teaching assistant and upperclassman Peko Pekoyama overshadows the pair from behind. “Besides, as the Ultimate…” her eyes narrow, incredulous. “... Supreme Leader, Ouma is going to need a security detail someday.”

Maki glares up at her for all of a split second before dutifully lowering her gaze. It's less that the Ultimate Swordsman is intimidating than that she's so... coldly supportive. The kind of person whose praise is lined with mist and whose fury is a downpour. It'd be a shame to disappoint her, especially over Kokichi, of all people.

"Oh, but Peko-peko-chan, don't you know? Maki and I have been sworn enemies since we were kids! You'd really let that mean ol' teacher pair me up with my nemesis?! That's so cruel!" Kokichi leans in on his cane for leverage, arms crossed in front of him as he acts out the phrase in big, encompassing gestures. That's a lie. But...

Unfortunately for both of them, it only seems to reassure Peko that the path forward is clear. "It'll be a fine challenge for the both of you, then. You’ll be able to focus on two objectives at once: gaining experience staying alert, and equal experience working with difficult clients.”

Kokichi scoffs in the background, of course, but it's hardly worth arguing. He tries to get in your head and stay there, after all. If anything, being ‘difficult’ is a point of pride for him. His eye still seems to twitch a little at the admission. It’s probably just the dry autumn air.

Maki, inventing new curses in her head and keeping them there, nods sagely. "Of course, Ms. Pekoyama. I won't let you down."

She looks over to her current mark.

It's going to be a long week.

------------------

The week starts off innocuous enough. The worst of it comes at the beginning of each day as Kokichi pulls his books out of his locker. Literature, World History, ... Calculus II? Each slams into the floor with a resounding thud, one after another. Some of them won't even see use until near the end of the school day, but he insists she carry them now. Spiteful little shit.

Many of their general education classes are shared to begin with, fortunately, meaning the two of them simply have to walk between classes together for a while. It isn’t quite embarrassing as much as it is frustrating for Maki. Does he even really need a cane, or is it just a ploy to get the teacher’s sympathy? They saunter down the hallway in either case, uncaring of the actual time they arrive. Five minutes late, ten minutes, even; neither incurs a penalty, a bit of an affront to her own persistent punctuality. ‘This school is his’ indeed.

No. The real trouble starts brewing during their free periods.

"The autumn leaves are home to a variety of bug species," lectures Gonta, sitting cross-legged in the courtyard. Kokichi sits beside him, dredging through a pile of leaves; pick up, flip, sort, over and over. Maki remains stock-still and focused on defense. Peko could be hiding around any given corner, assisting a teacher lying in wait for an ambush just to make a point about vigilance.

But it’s a bit hard to stay on edge when things are so… unremarkable. So normal.

"As an example, early-emerging populations of Actias luna in North America lay eggs on the undersides of leaves to keep larvae and pupas safe during winter until the adults appear in March." Despite Gonta’s better efforts choosing a more palatable bug for discussion, neither Kokichi nor Maki seems to be paying actual attention.

"Which has to be why the leaf piles make such a good crunch when you jump in'em, riiiiight?" Kokichi teases, crushing the pile of leaves he's sorted beneath the base of his palm. He throws his back into the motion with a sadistic smile. It breaks into the same mischievous laugh as usual soon after, nishishi~!

Gonta, however, seems unalarmed; perhaps he sees the un-smashed pile, the ones with even just the potential to have 'stuff on'em'. Instead, he smiles. "That might be the beetles, they love hiding in leaves."

"Ewwww!" Kokichi wipes his hand on his pants, despite the distinct lack of bug entrails on them. "Great! Gonta, you can't just ruin fall like that! Now I'm gonna be thinking about nasty beetles when I just wanted to have some fun..." he makes a point to frown, but seeing no real reaction the expression disappears as quickly as it came.

"I not– I'm not ruining fall, it's too hot out to be real fall. It's messing with the bugs’ hibernation cycles...."

Maki finds she's won a fourth consecutive mental game of tic-tac-toe with herself before she finally sighs. Would it be out of line to suggest going inside? Perhaps a more enclosed space will help her readjust to the objective.

Before she can suggest such a thing, Kokichi beats her to it.

“Yeah, it’s waaaay too hot out for September, I’m beat. Harukawa-chan, can we go back inside now?” he doesn’t bother to pout, eyes going from half-lidded to three-quarters wide seeing the barely-contained irritation on Maki’s face.

“Gladly.” She stands without hesitation, turning to Gonta. “Thank you for having us.”

“Of course, is only polite thing to do,” smiles Gonta. Kokichi is a touch intrigued.

“What are you thanking him for, I bet you weren’t even listening! You haven’t taken that scowl off your face all day.” He leans a bit to his left, accentuating the roll of his eyes.

“I knew that you wouldn’t.” Maki says simply, opening the cold glass door.

Kokichi is shocked, appalled he’d tell you, with a loud gasp! Then he shrugs a little. “Eh. I wasn’t bored, anyway.”

Gonta waves, cheerful as ever, as the door swings shut.

The foot of his cane practically skids across the terrazzo tile as Kokichi takes off down the hall.

“What’s got you in such a hurry?” Maki asks before she can think better of it; Ouma is still faster than she’d given him credit for.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Ultimate Assassin.” The reply comes quick and sharp, bitterness rising in his voice that hasn’t seen the light of day since well before the game ended.

Before she can ask ‘why now?’ or some such thing, as though there’s any logic behind what Ouma does in the first place, he’s looking at her expectantly from his perch just at the threshold of the main library doorway.

“Dunno about you, but I, for one, have homework. I’m looking for a book, silly, don’t you guys use those?” he shakes his head lightly, keeping the door open by leaning on it and waiting for her to go through. It takes a moment of the two staring at one another to determine who is going to relent; Maki walks a step inside as Kokichi beelines for the reading chairs.

Ah, the reading chairs. Only marginally more acceptable than the stiff, borderline crunchy upholstery of most of the furniture on campus. At least there’s no punishment for sitting on these. Surrounded by deep forest green carpets and a dim, subdued atmosphere one risks sinking into should they stay still for too long, the library is quiet. Starkly quiet. The sound of breathing itself seems to echo, not at all damped by the depth of archways and sub-sections of books and books upon books.

Kokichi looks idly up at the rafters, looking for something he must not find.

“What’s wrong?” Maki reluctantly asks, curiosity overpowering her better sense.

“It’s hot in here,” Ouma replies, his voice… uncharacteristically soft. It’s impossible to tell what emotion comes attached, if there is one at all.

“The air conditioning has been broken in this building all day, I hear.”

There is an awkward silence between them, an absolute vacuum of small-talk.

He takes a deep breath, only to look back over at Maki. “Welp. This place is huge, so. Might as well get crackin’, book’s not gonna find itself!” He smiles a little too wide for his face as he launches upright, looking over his shoulder and taking off into the canopy of books. “Be back in a bit!”

“Alright,” says Maki, striding over to meet him. “Where are we going first?”

Kokichi shakes his head. He’s sorely mistaken if he thinks it’ll be that easy to get rid of you. “Hmm, iunno. I’ll know it when I see it,” he chirps as he changes directions, taking a few dizzying turns before coming to a brief pause.

What is his problem? What does he get out of making this difficult for the both of you? Surely boredom can’t overtake the selfish want to do less work… yet, sure enough, he’s speed-walking away again.

Maki doesn’t need to look up to explain the sudden chill down her spine.

“Kiyo-chan! Fancy meetin’ you here,” Ouma laughs, stepping to the shelf opposite Korekiyo as Maki walks up to the two of them.

“Not exactly, Ouma, you know quite well I’ve been tasked with the maintenance of some of the anthropology department’s rarer books,” Kiyo shakes his head, adjusting his mask. “... No, I won’t be taking you to them. I was actually looking for a project on Minoan mythos in relation to pre-Hellenic…” he cuts himself off.

Really, Maki thinks to herself, it’s hard to believe this awkward kid could have been the monster he once was. That’s the thing about monsters, though, isn’t it? In real life they don’t have horns or tails like the minotaur….

“Say. What are you visiting the library for? Your field is not precisely predicated on a large literary basis, is it?”

“Kiyo-chaaaaan! No fair! Are you telling me I don’t look like I read? ‘Cuz I can read plenty, as long as it’s not BORING me to death!!” Kokichi leans on his cane, slightly swaying. “I like libraries. They’re like obstacle courses, and half the time nobody is even in them to get in the way!” he smiles. “But that’s a lie.”

“He’s looking for a book,” Maki chimes in, startling both Korekiyo and Kokichi back a few steps.

“Oh, is that all? What kind of book are you looking for, Ouma? Certainly I could be of assistance.” Kiyo nods, possibly(?) smiling, and at the very least visibly trying to maintain a less standoffish posture.

“That won’t be–”

“Binary star formation,” the two phrases come in at the same time. Kokichi continues, “and the history of their discovery.”

Kiyo stares at Kokichi for a moment, in (confusion? Disbelief? It’s difficult to tell, with so much of his face obscured and those piercing eyes ready to strike at any time…) before nodding. “Of course. I believe I recall where that one is, it was returned quite recently.”

Ouma stares idly into the distance for a split-second, an automaton re-calibrating on the fly. “Right. Duh, but I need it now, so.”

Sure enough, Korekiyo is only away for a matter of minutes before returning with a single large tome. The book seems more focused on general astronomical phenomena, but must have a chapter or two dedicated to binary stars. Should have picked something more obscure, Maki huffs at the thought, if you really just wanted to cause trouble. Let me guess, that isn’t–

“That’s exactly it!” says Kokichi, who excitedly starts flipping through the pages. Korekiyo looks like he wants to scold him, be more careful, but restrains himself from doing so. Nonetheless, the two share a look; Kokichi suddenly feels like maybe he should slow down, lest unsavory things happen to his nerves.

Just a feeling.

Things look, for once, to be going well again. Ouma is reading (or, at least, glaring at a page), freeing up Maki’s attention to better scope out the area.

… At least, until “Kiyo-chan? The text is so small, I can barely read a thing!”

Don’t get involved, don’t worry about it, Maki, you have a mission!

“Then why don’t you take it back to one of the reading areas? It’s certain to be brighter there.” Korekiyo shrugs, back to looking at the shelf ahead.

“Can’t you read it to me, Kiyo-chan? Pleeeease, you have such a nice reading voice!”

Korekiyo stops, for a moment, glaring at Kokichi. “And that’s a lie, certainly.”

“What! You’re calling me a liar! Kiyo-chan, that’s so, s-so,,” the tears start to well up, if only slightly. Is he losing his touch with the waterworks? “Accurate, yeah, but not this time! If I didn’t tell the truth some of the time, it’d make the lies too obvious! And that’s no fun at all.”

“... Ah,” says Kiyo, uncertain of how to take a compliment.

“So?”

“Oh yes, right. Hmm. It can’t be that large of a diversion, surely…”

Such is how Korekiyo winds up over by the reading chairs, telling a dubiously-interested Kokichi about disk and turbulent fragmentations. “Where the instability and arbitrary motion cause a core to split off into multiple masses of gas and dust that collapse into independent protostars,” so the reading goes, “that are close enough to one another they become entangled in mutual orbit.”

Maki can hardly say she’s particularly invested, even if it would be nice to have a better idea of what Kaito’s blathering on about half the time now that classes are in full swing. Still, something in her can’t help but hang on to this itch of unease, as though at any moment something will go wrong. She’s supposed to be watching Kokichi, but finds herself looking more at Kiyo than the surroundings. There is no danger there, anymore, though you’d have been more likely to get hurt than Ouma. But this feeling you can’t… no. That you refuse to name, this resentment, it takes residence in your bones and won’t let go. Is it because he’s been programmed as having been a killer? Aren’t you the very same? And when it really mattered, didn’t both of you decide to k–

The slightest sound makes Maki jump into action, fists at the ready to block an incoming blow, only. Huh. It seems it was just the weight of the book closing.

Kokichi sits up a little straighter, speaking a little louder (before, begrudgingly, quieting down, because this is a library). “Thank you, Kiyo-chan~ That would’ve been soooo boring to get through alone, you know? Nishishi, I’ll still be expecting your application for DICE one of these days! Best not disappoint,” he leans back in the chair, only to swing up to standing.

Korekiyo simply rolls his eyes, but there’s something undoubtedly fond in the gesture. If there weren’t, the fact would make itself known near-immediately; instead, Kiyo simply picks up the book to put it back on the shelf. “Is that all you needed, then?”

Kokichi exaggerates a sigh. “Not by a longshot, but I think I left the rest in Miu’s lab,” he rolls his head back, momentarily looking at the spot where Maki has planted herself, arms crossed. “So I gotta run. Laters!”

As Kokichi is picking his cane back up (and staring at the foot for a moment, making sure he’s placed it on the correct side for now. Working on making the ruse more realistic, perhaps, Maki posits, though she dares not say such a thing aloud), Maki nods in acknowledgement of Kiyo.

After an awkward pause, Kiyo nods back. “Miss Harukawa.”

But the pair are off again, out of the library and en-route to Miu’s lab.

The silence between the two of them is thick. Neither is perturbed by the light traffic traveling in either direction down the hall, staying steps apart but not quite identifiable as a ‘group’. Much remains unsaid between the two. Neither dares disrupt the precarious balance maintaining a stoic facade, and the awkward silence stays.

At least, while only in the company of one another.

“Hey!” Kokichi yells, swinging open the door to Miu’s lab with reckless abandon, startling a very focused Chihiro and Kazuichi sitting at the far end of a long table. “Where’s that boisterous blonde–”

“That is the best most bodacious boisterous blonde bitch to you, ‘ya shitstain.” Miu looks up from her workbench, approaching the opposite side of the long table with a haughty laugh.

“Mm, nope. Too wordy. Might mistake you for a nerd,” he teases, pointing up and down at a Miu dressed in her lab coat and covered from goggles to toe in smears of motor oil.

“Oh please, haven’t you figured out yet that I’m beauty and a brain?”

“And a nerd, yeah, I got that.”

The pair bicker like old friends, though it’s only recently they’ve had a chance to talk over their time in the killing game. Perhaps it’s easier for them to act like it never happened; it’d be hypocritical of Maki to judge.

Although…

“So you’ll concede she’s beautiful?” Maki tugs on her hair, wrapping it around her finger with a smirk. One sentence sparks a good five minutes of playful arguing, nuh-uh yuh-uh, and mild shoulder-punching. In terms of the assignment, it’s permissible, but on thin ice.

The perimeter seems clear in here, anyway, only the five of them. Chihiro and Kazuichi seem too engrossed in whatever project they’re working on to bat an eye at the two’s banter, and there’s no good angle for an ambush. Besides, it’d be irresponsible to initiate a confrontation with so many metal scraps and machines around. Still, she has to remain on alert.

… Though she can’t help but listen when she hears Miu launch into a small tirade: “What I’m always working on, dumbass, and a couple things besides. Picture this: you’re me, and you’re ‘getting a regular checkup’ because you’re ‘recovering from a traumatic experience’ and all that junk. And I’m sitting there, wasting valuable workable time between classes, just for them to call me up to do, like, the same three tests they always do? And I think to myself, man, wouldn’t it be genius if you could just step into a booth, or a pod, or something like that when you get there, and it does all of that preliminary stuff on you at once so you can just be done with it already? And this was like, two? Days ago? So you know I have a prototype.”

Kokichi looks nonplussed, to say the least.

“Haven’t you been working on anything less… totally mundane, than that? Maybe like a shrink ray, or a portal device or a body-swapper, or something exciting?”

“Well, you know I’m building an android, but we all know how you feel about that.”

“I do not need the list of features you’re giving that thing. Nobody, needs the list of features you’re giving that thing.”

“W-W, h-hey! I’m not gonna be weird about it,” Miu pouts, voice getting soft for a moment. “That’s like, totally crossing a line…” only to pick back up. “Nah, I’m not gonna load in any kinky shit until I can ask him about it!”

“Is that finally an answer to the question I’ve been asking for like three months now? We’re going with ‘robots only have dicks upon request?’”

Maybe it’s better to stop listening, actually. Not that Maki is given the choice.

“Point is, I still need a test subject! Why not you, while you’re right here? Every experiment we’ve run so far has been demonstrably fine, quit your worry-warting already ‘ya buzzkill.” Miu scoffs, rolling out a wardrobe-sized booth on a dolly.

“But Iruma-channnn,” Kokichi whines. His eye twitches, scanning the new device up and down, only more resolute that “there’s no way I’m gonna go in there unless it’s got AC!”

“That can be arranged,” says Miu, writing at the bottom of a spare paper. “Now, get over here so we can get this show on the road!”

“Nnnnn can’t make me.”

“Come on.”

“Nah.”

“It’ll be fine!”

“For you, maybe.”

“You know what? Fine. Hey Maki!” Miu calls, waving to where Maki is stationed around the corner. “C’mon, this’ll only take, like, two minutes, you in?”

Great. You’ve been Acknowledged.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Maki starts to stammer, but Kokichi has suddenly lit up.

“Ooh! Do it, do it Maki!”

“I really don’t think I should distract from–”

Suddenly, both Miu and Kokichi are peering over the table, all but pounding their fists against the wood as they chant “Do it, do it!”

If anything, their exuberance makes her want to give in less, but the coast is clear, for now… Chihiro gives Maki a withering look. Doesn’t seem like they’ll run out of steam any time soon.

“... Fine.”

Kokichi and Miu turn to one another and high-five, cheering in unison.

“Great,” Miu breezes by, opening an entrance to the box. “Come on in.”

Maki is immediately enveloped in what at first looks like a photo booth but, upon examination, has too many blinking lights and moving parts to be one. In lieu of a screen, a plexiglass barrier shows off the dim reflections of the moving mechanics, leaving the subject to back up into position. A thermometer pops out of the front panel at the same time as a blood pressure cuff restrains her left arm, a bar descending to the top of her head to record her height. Every metric is recorded on a tiny screen on the outside of the chamber.

Experiment: success. The device certainly does its job. Whether it’s been done well is questionable, but it certainly has been done.

Meanwhile, Kokichi has been lounging in quite possibly the single Good Chair in the entirety of Hope’s Peak, talking to Miu about something indistinct. By the time Maki walks out of the machine a matter of minutes has passed.

It feels like it’s been hours.

And Maki is not happy.

“Ouma? I need to talk to you.”

“Can’t it wait? I sorta–”

“Now. Ouma.”

Kokichi keeps his head down, but follows Maki’s footsteps.

“We’re leaving. Goodbye, Miu. Hope you got your data.” Maki states, perfectly deadpan. She turns, practically dragging Ouma by the wrist.

“Harukawa, I’m sorry i–”

“That’s a lie,” Maki helpfully completes the thought, marching out into the hallway. “You’ve been lying all day, making up any excuse you can to be as distracting as possible just waiting for me to screw up. But it isn’t going to work. We are going, to your room, and you will stay there, and it will be quiet. Do you understand?”

Kokichi stops walking. He does not pull away from her hand any further than the natural distance that comes as he stops, glaring up at her with an oddly-canted eye.

“You think you can ground me, Child-Caregiver? All I want is to hang out with my friends, and get to do it at a decent goddamn hour, and that’s SO bad? Aww, am I inconveniencing you? What would you rather be out doing. Huh? Would you rather be hunting me down for sport–”

Maki snaps out of her shock, shaking her head. “UGH! Not everything is always about YOU, you know!” She storms a few steps ahead.

“Well excuse me if you aren’t exactly open about your hobbies,” Kokichi scoffs, jogging up a few more stumbling steps to meet her. “If you insist on making our little forced-bonding-time absolutely miserable, I guess, be my fucking guest.”

“It’s not about fun, it’s about salvaging the entirety of this semester! Out of all of us, you should understand that!”

“Oh, so there is an ‘us’! I thought it a mere myth on the breeze, oh please, Harukawa, regale me with tales of how our miserable myriad of troubled teens that calls itself a class constitutes any kind of Unit,” he coughs on the end, running out of breath. A bit of spit drips from the corner of his mouth, hastily wiped away by a hand before he makes a big swinging gesture with his cane.

This, it turns out, is a mistake.

First, his cane clatters to the floor. In and of itself, this isn’t surprising; at least it didn’t go through a window or otherwise launch across the hall, instead dropping down at Kokichi’s side.

Then Kokichi falls down with it.

He nearly faceplants, the only buffer coming in the form of outstretched arms in front of him that immediately buckle.

Maki stifles half of a laugh. That’s what your overly-theatrical-ass gets when you try to act larger than life itself. She holds out a hand to help him back up. Frustrated as she may be, she isn’t cruel.

… But he doesn’t take it.

In fact, Kokichi doesn’t seem to be moving much at all.

Thinking fast, she immediately turns him onto his side in a recovery position. Still breathing– heavily, at that, as it’s taking up the majority of his focus just to do that much. It’s a full minute before he starts trying to talk.

“Mmaki’alls sumiki,” is about all he can say, saliva rolling down his face, eyes glassy. One eye moves slower than the other as he tries to look up at her in that disturbingly blank way of his.

He says it again.

She doesn’t know what to do.

In for four, hold for four, out for four.

You can’t react this way to a little surprise. Cool heads prevail, Maki, you know this.

She feels a hand on her shoulder.

“Maki? Thank goodness I was following you. Listen, both of you, I’ve called my classmate Mikan. She is a nurse. What I need you to do, Maki, is help me pick him up. Ouma, just keep breathing…” Peko Pekoyama commands, picking up the cane to carry with her bag as she prepares to pick up Kokichi.

There’s an upset indignant note from him, an ‘uh, no shit,’ that pierces through the existential terror. That’s a good sign. That means not every scrap of consciousness needs to be dedicated just to staying alive. “I ‘ust, ‘eed’an ninit,” he tries to speak again, getting steadily more exasperated with himself. Even so, he does not cry.

No matter how he may want to, he does not cry.

------------------

Kokichi Ouma finds himself in a hospital room yet again. Maki Harukawa, however, finally finds herself at liberty to have him out of sight as she leans against the closed door.

Now you can panic.

“Maki?” Peko asks, tilting Maki’s chin up to meet her gaze.

Nevermind.

“You did the right thing, initially. Okay? You put him in a position where he could breathe, which is probably the most important thing you could have done.”

Maki stammers, tugging on her hair with an iron grip. “I did not do the right thing, initially. That’s the problem,” she admits, shaking her head. It’s difficult to stifle the ghost of tears blocking out her vision.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Peko asks, guiding Maki over to sit in a pair of chairs beside one of the many windows on this floor.

No matter how hard she tries to stop them, once they start the words won’t stop flowing. “I mean that it’s my fault he’s like this!”

“... Maki, I saw it, it was an accide–”

“In the game, I shot him. Twice. With laced bolts, he. He just took Kaito, and was planning, s-something, and we were all so scared and I thought he was going to kill him so I covered them in strike-nine, and I shot him. Twice! And I went for a third…”

Peko is taken aback for a moment. Class 79 tends not to talk about their experiences in the simulation, so to hear things like shot and kill only confirm every terrible rumor she’s heard about the entire debacle. She blinks, once, then twice.

“Maki, I. I had no idea.”

Maki pulls on her hair, looping it around her whole hand and it still isn’t enough. “I know, I know, I’m an assassin, Ms. Pekoyama, and he’s the only mark I’ve ever actually killed myself.”

Peko is loath to let the silence spread between the two of them, yet she isn’t sure of what to say. Still, she says anyway: “I am. So sorry, that happened between you two. I assure you, I did not have an understanding of this. History, before I suggested you be paired together.”

“A-and now, now it’s my fault he collapsed, because whatever is wrong with him started because I poisoned him, because I’m a heartless, murder machine a-and,,” Maki hiccups, a hand over her face. She hasn’t even gotten this far into the story with her therapist, yet she sees enough of herself in Peko to entrust her with this secret.

“... I know what it is like to live with regret.” Peko offers. “It is never easy to choose one life over another. I don’t think that it should be, either. You should never have had to make that choice, but you did, and you made it as well as anyone could. You wanted to defend your friends, Maki, and you did. You cannot agonize about how things might have been after the fact if you want to move forward.”

Maki just stares at her hands, and cannot scrub away the illusion they are bright, bold magenta.

“... Maki?”

But Maki is far down the hall, watching Kaito close the door to that damn hospital room, because he’s betrayed me, again.

“... I hated him.” She takes a deep breath, and lets the words swish around in her mouth for a moment before spitting them back out: “I hated him. I wanted him to suffer. He was irritating, and a threat, and I didn’t– I don’t understand him, and I wanted him to get away from me and everyone I care about.” Deep breath in. “So I shot him, with a crossbow, and I laced the bolts with the slowest-acting poison I could find, so he wouldn’t know peace the same way the rest of us hadn’t.”

“Ah,” says Peko, surprised but without any tone of judgment. After all, it is Peko’s turn to think, wouldn’t that be hypocritical? “Multiple things can be true at once, you know. Just because some part of you wanted vengeance does not overwrite your intentions to defend. I’ve only ever known you to want to protect the innocent, Maki, and even if you haven’t always been that person, that is the kind of person you are becoming. Every last one of you was in significant distress at that time, and that includes you. You shouldn’t let self-hatred cloud your perception.”

Maki nods ever-so-slightly.

“What you did was. Excessive, yes, and you should not have done it. But it is in the past now, Maki. The fact that you feel remorse for it proves you aren’t ‘heartless’. You made a poor decision, with a high price. All that can be done for it now is to atone in ways you can. Sometimes, remembrance is all you can offer. But you,” Peko points at the flower on Maki’s uniform, “have a unique gift in all of this. Ouma is still alive now. In this life, you can still make amends.”

Maki sniffs, then holds her breath. In for three, hold for five, hold for four, hold forever… the tears just won’t slow. “It was cruel. I, was cruel, I don’t. I don’t want to be that way, not even to him. I-I want to. Amends, I want to,”

Peko smiles. She takes both of Maki’s hands into her own. “Then you will. You’ve already started, after all.”

The more Maki thinks of it, this whole shadowing experience has shown off facets of Ouma’s personality she hadn’t seen before. He does not like bugs, but still tolerates them out of care for his friendship with Gonta. He could have been cruel and smashed all the leaves, but he picked out any that even may have had eggs on them. Kokichi could have been legitimately cruel, yet he wasn’t. Kiyo, quiet as he is these days, is willing to accept him because Kokichi has accepted him in return. Even Miu, after she tried to bash in his skull with a hammer, has come around to not just tolerating his presence, but coming to enjoy it. Enough to make a machine for the medical wing since he, her friend, is in and out of the hospital so often… so he’s claimed.

Maki can only reconcile now that at least some, possibly all of those claims of chronic pain and complications are very real. Part of her knew this all along, but didn’t want to believe it; it’s easier, after all, to lie to yourself. Hadn’t Kokichi said something to that effect, so long ago?

Despite how irritating he is, despite his best attempts to get under her skin, despite being Kokichi Ouma, he’s… admittedly, a decent friend when it counts. And, perhaps, someday they can be friends as well.

“I still. It. It’s so stupid,” she shakes her head. “I-I better not…”

“But you want to say it, right?” Peko nods.

“I still feel. Jealous? Kaito can do what he wants, of course, but ever since the simulation it’s felt like our trio with Shuichi is… different. Like he’s choosing Kokichi over us.” Over me, she does not say. Peko can see it in her watery eyes.

“That, I’ve certainly understood,” Peko laughs. “Sometimes the person you admire can be… short-sighted, maybe. But your admiration is your own, you know. You have to own it, and, if they don’t ultimately feel the same way…” She looks off into the distance. Imagining someone, no doubt.

“... Right. Right, thank you Ms. Pekoyama.”

“Just Peko is fine, Maki.”

“Thank you, Peko.”

“Of course.”

“... But maybe they do feel the same way. You. Never know until you ask, right?”

Peko snaps back to attention. “I… suppose.”

“It’s just a matter of gathering the inner strength to ask, whether you like the answer or not. … I think you should,” Maki shrugs, drying her tears. “And maybe I should too.”

“Perhaps,” says Peko, unshaken as ever, until… she smiles, conspiratorially. “I will if you will.”

“Alright,” laughs Maki. “Deal. But I have someone I have to address first.”

------------------

Meanwhile, Kaito slowly closes the door to the hospital room. The cool air hits him almost immediately upon entering; the air conditioning must be turned up significantly higher than in the rest of the building. It’s a different room, this time; the slightly different decor is disorienting for a moment, while he allows it to be. There’s something far more important than misplaced flowers and chairs and abstract paintings at its center, though.

“Kokichi?”

There’s a disgruntled sigh from the hospital bed, and an equally disgruntled Kokichi hooked up to not-even-a-fourth-of the equipment he was last time, to Kaito’s knowledge, he actually had to stay here.

“‘eah. Yeah, ‘s me.” He even sounds tired, still slurring words together a touch at this point.

Kaito takes his left hand, the dominant side. The uninjured one.

Kokichi can barely curl his fingers around Kaito’s, for now.

“Like the worst case’a TMJ you ever had,” he tries to smile, but finds the effort fruitless to try. Out of everyone, Kaito won’t mind if you don’t pretend for him. He already knows what you are. “‘Cept it’s everywhere. Mostly.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be talking so much–”

“Tsumiki-chan said, as long as I focus on breathing, I can do what I want. Mostly wanna not-do-things, though. Boring. What’d you do today?”

“You’re asking me?” Kaito laughs, but humors the thought. “Class, mostly. Went out to train with Shuichi, he’s actually coming along pretty well. Still has trouble keeping up with me in the real world, though, lung capacity and all. Been missing Maki, though. She’s really trying her hardest for this class, you know, she’s even talking to that Peko girl right now.”

Kokichi looks away, both eyes now in-sync as he tries to look to the tile floor. “Yeah. She’s still Harukawa, alright.”

Probably not a great time to talk about it, it dawns on Kaito just a little too late.

“What even happened, man, can I ask that? Figure I may as well instead’a dancing around it,” Kaito says, just to banish the thought. To get it out of the way.

Kokichi laughs a little under his breath. It hurts, but there’s a degree to which he can’t help it. “Ask’er yourself.”

Kaito is confused for all of a moment before looking around the–

“Ah! I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you! I-I just thought I could answer any q-questions, so Ouma doesn’t have to-o…” Mikan Tsumiki, Ultimate Nervous Wreck, holds her clipboard to her chest.

Kaito is beside himself, unsure of how to get her to calm back down. Kokichi’s hand squeezes his a little tighter. Give her a moment.

“R-Right, sorry, you were wondering about his condition, right? Ouma’s, I mean. T-There’s good news! And. Bad news, which we’ve already talked about before you arrived, or. I did most of the talking because he’s having a hard time at the moment, but you knew that– Bad news we’ve already talked about, and good news.” Mikan looks up at Kaito expectantly, straining a smile.

“... Do you want me to pick one? Because I’m sure whatever the bad news is won’t look so bad compared to the good,” Kaito nods, resolute.

“Oh yeah, s-s. Sorry. Yeah. SO the good news is this is just a flare-up, probably caused by a mix of stress and the heat outside. He’s been doing a lot better in this building since we have a backup generator for our climate control,” she continues. “But the bad news is that if he doesn’t take care of his condition, he could end up in a full-blown crisis, mister,” a darkness casts over her eyes “and if you do you won’t be able to breathe on your own, then it’s back on a ventilator for up to weeks at a time, and I know how much you hate that.” She picks her head up. “But, hopefully it won’t come to that!”

… It’s a lot to take in at once.

“What. Exactly, is his condition? How could he deteriorate so suddenly?” Kaito asks despite Kokichi’s half-hearted protest.

“It wasn’t sudden. I’ve been feeling it all day… it just got too bad to deal with. That’s all.” Mikan looks over to Kokichi before he relents and nods. “Someone else should know.”

“It seems to be an autoimmune disorder caused by the program. Not one that we’ve seen before, but one that’s kind of unique because of how it happened. The device ‘taught’ his immune system to attack danger that wasn’t physically there, so it started attacking what was there instead. It seems to include some of the signals sent between muscle groups to get them to move, leading to muscle weakness that varies in severity. This would be a moderate exacerbation, I think, so it really could be much worse!”

Mikan is still working on her bedside manner. Kokichi huffs a little, amused, while Kaito is still processing.

“Is. Is it ever going to stop?”

“I think you know the answer to that,” Mikan sighs, a little shake of her head. The same thing Kaito had been told about his lungs. “It’s impossible for us to know, but don’t count on it.”

“So… So what can we do? There has to be some kind of training we can do to make it a little less severe, right?” The impossible is always possible, is it not?

“Well. Physical therapy might help as part of the treatment, but it’s most important he’s taking his meds regularly and getting enough sleep,” she says. “But it’s pretty near impossible to enforce.”

Kaito looks over at Kokichi for a moment, then back to Mikan.

“Maybe, on his own. What if he had a roommate? Then we’d share responsibility.”

“You’re kidding me,” Ouma says, doing his best to sit up a little. It’s more effort than it’s worth, but that does not stop him from trying.

“It’s that, or have you check in even more regularly than you already do. Even if I have to fish you out of the dorms,” Mikan shakes her head, tsk-tsk-tsk. “It’s not a bad idea. I’ll take it up with Administration. Unless you’d rather have an aide following you around…?”

“NO. ‘m good. It’s good. Could be way worse…”

“And I’ll see if I can get you an air conditioner in your room? It is very literally medically necessary.”

“Yessss,” Ouma seems happy enough, and settles down. It’s distinctly possible he’s too tired to put up much more protest, and takes the opportunity to start to nod off.

Kaito smiles fondly, and shakes his head.

------------------

Several hours later, Kokichi wakes up to the creaking of his door. He tenses, finding that he can, even if it’d be too much to disengage himself from ensnaring wires and monitors. He doesn’t bother. A moment later, it’s clear enough who it is.

“... Hello, Ouma.”

“Harukawa.”

Kokichi stares upward, idly counting holes in the ceiling tile.

The silence is deafening.

“I’m sorry,” Maki starts, a meandering sentence unto itself that unravels slowly from her tongue.

Too slowly, for Kokichi. “Yeah, alright. For what?”

“Take your pick.” The courage she’s built up is thrown to the wind as she strives to just say it, or at least say something.

“Sure. Forgiven. Whatever. Now, what’s it you want?”

“... That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Ooh, she catches on! Maki Harukawa, how do you do it,” he laughs. It’s a strangled sound.

“Cut it out, Kokichi, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about what happened today. I’m sorry about pushing you too far–”

“You didn’t push me too far.” he says, but it sounds… hollow. Sincere, insincere, it doesn’t seem to matter; there’s no substance to it, but it’s also packed with double-triple meanings and spite.

“I’m sorry anyway,” Maki says.

This appears to appease him, if just for a minute.

“I’m sorry about pushing you around, and for blaming you for my own inability to properly focus.” she sighs. “… In my defense, you don’t make it easy, but. That’s not the point. The point is, I should not have done that. I got angry, and when I get angry sometimes I act rashly. So I’m sorry.”

There’s something bigger to that statement, of course. Something he cannot help but respond to with a brutal truth:

“I don’t know if I can forgive you. I want to stop being scared of you, but it’s not. Suddenly okay again.” He turns his head, half-muttering. “I’m not sure I’ll ever really be ‘okay’ again….”

The silence returns.

“... That’s. That’s okay. I mean, if you don’t. You don’t, have to. Respect is earned, and so… so is forgiveness, I think. I hope I can earn that in your eyes.”

“... Alright,” says Kokichi. “Fair enough.”

“See you around,” Maki shrugs, halfway to closing the door.

“And Maki?”

“Yeah?” she pauses.

“Thanks.”

48 notes · View notes