#i really want this scene to be done correctly in terms of this being a channel for eddie to finally face the truth

[bisexualbuckl-y]

so, the desire thing and confession... IF they do the whole confession scene right, I can absolutely see hot priest asking for specifics on what eddie and kim actually did, like confession isn't therapy, a priest when actually focused on helping you through confession will ask and will pry until you can actually name "the sin" that's causing you to need confession... so I do see a possibility of the priest digging deep enough until eddie gets to the root of the whole situation

[yumeka-sxf]

According to this tweet from Endo, today's new chapter will be the final installment of the "Henry x Martha backstory" arc...and it definitely went out on a high note! The part where Martha meets Henry's wife was absolutely heartbreaking...in particular the below page, starting with an upside down view of the scene, showing how the world is literally warping for Martha, followed by shards and shreds of her various memories with Henry, all the while the "throb, throb" of her heart is overlaying all the panels. Definitely one of Endo's best portrayals of a truly shocking moment.

It's also interesting that we never see Lucia's face, despite her having a big panel when she first appears.

Endo has done this before with other characters, Loid's parents being the other big example. We also never see their faces, despite them appearing several times during his flashback arc.

With the few examples we've had, to me it seems like Endo hides the faces of characters who 1) appear as flashbacks only and 2) who have had a significant emotional impact on the character whose memories they appear in, but at the same time, that character has since done their best to get over the painful memories associated with them. So they basically represent some past trauma for the character (even if they don't necessarily dislike them) but in the current time, they've more or less left that part of their past behind. Hence why their faces are obscured in the character's memories. This is also why I think we'll never see Loid's parents or Lucia's faces outside of flashbacks. This is just my interpretation of course, and I'm curious if there will be more examples in other characters' flashback arcs.

But back to Henry and Martha, I also liked the fact that, despite her broken heart, Martha still saw Lucia as a good person and became friends with her. Henry seems to love her as well. This actually ties back very well to what Martha tells Becky at the end of her story about how dangerous it is to latch onto preconceptions and prejudices without knowing the truth.

In Becky's simple world, she would see Lucia as the "evil seductress who stole Henry away" and Martha has to get him back. But as Martha said, things aren't always that simple and don't always adhere to our preconceived notions. Sometimes things can't end up exactly how you want or expect, so you have to be grateful for what you have and see things as they truly are, despite living with lingering regrets. In fact, this whole speech from Martha at the conclusion of her flashback was extremely deep and profound. Not many people can write both comedy and drama so well, but Endo is certainly one of them.

Also, is this Wiesel's first appearance? Still waiting for the doggy play date chapter with Wiesel, Bond, Max, and Aaron! 🐶

Since it's been so long since I read the first chapter of this arc, I couldn't remember if Martha had actually revealed the identity of her lover in her story, but makes sense that she didn't. I can imagine Becky storming into school yelling at Henderson and causing total embarrassment for all 😅 Funny that she almost guessed correctly though.

I'm surprised we never found out how Martha started working for the Blackbells, but that's an easy enough mystery to solve - she needed work after the wars were over, and being a bodyguard suited an ex-soldier. Also seems like she never told Henry her true feelings either...maybe by the time Lucia died, it was too late and they had both grown somewhat apart by then, and/or they had some additional falling outs about Martha joining the other wars, etc. It just wasn't meant to be and the message of the story was Martha coming to terms with that and being wiser for it.

In conclusion, this was a great arc that really shows Endo's range as a writer who can do both comedy and drama very well. Despite Henry and Martha being side characters, I have a feeling that the struggles they experienced will have relevance later in the series. But for now, I look forward to seeing the Forgers and other characters again (and getting back to the last major uproar of Anya telling Damian about her powers...seems like ages ago, lol). Endo will be taking a well deserved break, so the next new chapter will be on August 19th!

I also have some new posts planned in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those as well 😀

[conditioned-to-obey]

Hi i have a question please

In day to day life i am very dominant very hard on people i dont like disrespect i dont like being told what to do even tho i love manly man and i love man who s dominant but for example i dont like giving full control to the guy to tell me what to do how to act or like when the guy be like bring me that or do that for me or you know with full subs like they cant eat with their doms or you may eat after i finish you know very acting like she s beneath you it feels very patriarchy to me

However i am very submissive in bed and i like to be spanked and roughed around but the shame afterwards is a lot like i feel like if my dom spanks me as punishment and he tells me what to do i dont really have control and cant fight you know

Idk if this makes sense and sorry for the long explanation lol but i just want to make peace with how i am in bed and in real life and how to do so

What you are describing is about 3 different things at once.

Firstly, "Full subs" doesn't label what you're describing correctly. Eating after/separate of a Dom or that level of control and protocol falls more in line with subs who practice master/slave sub dynamics. Usually seen in scenes or during events. High protocol such as this is not sustainable for most in the long run. As which, shouldn't be looked at as a base line for kink. Or seen as what it means to be a full sub. It's just one type of sub. One you don't resonate with, which is totally fine. It's not for everyone.

For example sake, the practice of eating from a bowl on the floor or separate can be done without misogynistic or patriarchal undertones. I have seen it in pet play a lot. You aren't treated as lesser, it doesn't have to be degrading or humiliation if you don't wish it to bed. It can be being taken care of, fed and pamper. A lot of subs can find it fun to play and eat out of a cute dish while someone pets their head and smiles. It depends on the angle in which it's played.

Second, yes, the themes you are uncomfortable with seems to be the idea of not being in control or feeling lesser or feeling scolded/corrected. Easily fixed by not giving him that control—outside of the bedroom or otherwise. You do not have to be a sub who gets punishments. You have control to fully take that off the table.

From what you describe your enjoyment falls under masochism and roughness. These do not have to be achieved through punishment. You can do it because you enjoy it, no scolding or framing it as corrective action. In fact it can even be a reward. This may alleviate some of that shame you feel by not being treated as lesser. Rather just as a sub who enjoys roughness in a controlled way.

There is no right or wrong way to be a sub. You can simply just be a bottom who is a masochist as well. Don't put yourself in a box. Submission is on your terms. I'm sure plenty of partners would be happy to be dominating in the bedroom and on totally equal footing outside the bedroom. People who carry a lot of responsibility in day to day life find being submissive or giving temporary control to be very freeing and a release for them. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

It's called a Power Exchange, not a Power Loss.

If it feels like you don't have a choice or are have lost your autonomy, free will or ability to speak up then you need to advocate for yourself and be an active participant in articulating why it isn't working. You have more power than you think. Your Dom either agrees and is satisfied with the arrangement of power exchange and when, or they are not. Either way it's a conversation to be had.

Best of luck.

[thedawningofthehour]

I don't know how you do the hurt/comfort so well in the book even though it is really messed up.

One example is the chapter 5 in the botanist portion. Specifically the eating the orange section and the “you know what my fathers work is.” hopefully I quote that correctly.

But when I am writing I can hurt but comfort is difficult. Like I feel like I do good with hurt no comfort fics. But I don't usually like those fics.

Ironically, that scene was supposed to have minimal angst lol, they were there so I could show Gale infodumping about plants and let Raph have a swim. Which is why I have Gale cut away when the conversation gets too heavy-that's not the purpose of the passage.

I think something a lot of people get hung up on is trying to do EVERYTHING. They want to acknowledge every injustice, represent every kind of person, explore the entirety of someone's character and trauma or whatever in one scene. (I could write a paper on the new trend of having eight-episode shows and allowing every plot point and character exactly two seconds of exposition because that's all the screentime they can get when the studio wants an epic told in the length of a novella and how this is affecting people's expectations for how storytelling should be done, but my oven timer just went off and I'm gonna eat soon) The thing you have to remember, nothing can be everything. You have to specialize at least a little bit or your ocean of storytelling becomes a wide puddle of meh.

One thing I ask myself is what is the goal here? What are the themes that I want to get across in this scene? Do they work with each other or is it jarring for the reader? What do you want the reader to take away from this? The scene in the first chapter where Draxum and Gale are doing Raph's intake exam, part of it's just exposition and me dumping background information and psuedo-science on the audience. But it's also meant to show how Draxum interacts with Raphael now that he's an ally, and show Raph how Draxum and Gale typically interact with each other. The scene with Gale taking out the explosive charge in Raph's collar is meant to highlight how very much Donnie Gale still is, how he isn't entirely obedient to Draxum and does what he does because he genuinely believes in what he's doing-and likewise, he doesn't believe Raph should be here if he doesn't believe in their goals.

The greenery scene is meant to show Raph's pre-conceived notions of who Draxum is being challenged. He sees Draxum as wholly evil, whose only goal is to do bad, like the villain of a cheap 80s Saturday morning cartoon. So far he's rejected every suggestion that Draxum has genuinely positive intentions and goals besides destruction, that might have a point even if he's going about it the wrong way. Seeing that Draxum grows fruit, that a major area of study for him is agriculture cultivation-food has traditionally been a symbol of life, peace, support, so the fact that Draxum is a horticulturist challenges the image of heartless, evil Draxum that Raph has built up in his head.

But at the same time, in the same place where he grows oranges lovingly cultivated to provide nutrition for the people who will consume them, there's poison meant to kill. It shows the depth of Draxum's intentions and the full breadth of his actions, that he wants to help life thrive but will not hesitate to take life if necessary. And Raph is also coming to terms with what he was created for, what his purpose in life was supposed to be and how he's playing into it now. He wasn't just a weapon, he was a sword meant to be wielded along with a shield. He was made to kill, and Raph doesn't agree with that-but he doesn't wholly disagree with the logic that led Draxum there. And he's very unnerved by that.

Another thing, the actual storytelling is definitely important but don't forget-it's secondary. Your real priority is manipulating the reader into feeling things against their will. You can have a completely shit story and get by if it's told entertainingly or if it made people cry. The most interesting plotline will still be a slog to get through if it's boring. You're trying to write like Donnie, but you gotta be a Leo first and foremost.

[hawkogurl]

Ok, I know I get on insomniac a lot because I think a lot of their writing is deeply flawed and I'll no doubt eventually end up critiquing this one scene that singlehandedly made Insom Harry go from "good!" to "fine" in terms of writing quality for me, but! I would like to sing the praises of one scene I think is genuinely really well executed to me.

Coney Island.

I know a lot of people see it in largely a ship lense, which is fine and valid, but there are so many aspects of it that I think make it go from good to great that I never see talked about. And "If nobody else is going to do it, I will" is basically my ecological niche in the harry community. So here I am.

As a general plot beat, it is perfectly timed as an early game moment before much of the main plot begins. I don't think it could work anywhere but there. Part of the reason it functions so well to me is because it is the calm before the storm: It is a very well done moment of quaint existence before the plot of the game, which, if done the best it could be, would leave this moment as a piece of normalcy the characters cannot ever truly return to.

I think what I mean by this will be more clear when I get into it more, but I also think the fact that it is specifically Coney Island. I don't think any other location in New York would work so damn well. Coney Island is pretty much a theme park, but it's also a theme park specifically made to draw off of the motifs and vibes of a carnival. Carnivals are normally brief events, most local ordinary carnivals will only last a couple weeks at absolute most. Coney Island is basically a permanent carnival, an indefinite version of an event normally designed to be brief by nature. I hope I don't need to get all flowery about how carnivals sort of cannot last by nature while Coney Island has made itself a permanent version of a normally ephemeral concept for my point to get across.

That's not the only reason I think the setting is so vital here. While Coney Island is itself the sort of thing kids and adults are both allowed to enjoy, the concept of amusement parks and carnivals as sources of entertainment are things that, especially in the modern age, are connected more heavily with kids as a demographic. It's the sort of thing that many people are going to consider childish or see as more of a nostalgic memento of their childhood. Connecting it with youth, nostalgia, and easier, more innocent parts of life experienced before adulthood is also pretty vital here. This is a point in the story very soon after Harry re-enters Peter's life. Harry, a person in his life who he was connected to most in his youth, particularly his high school and college years. While college itself is normally very much a part of adulthood, it is often still sort of viewed more closely with youth. If I recall correctly, Harry also disappeared from Peter's life at a point very close to Peter's more "official" transition to adulthood: leaving college and entering the workforce. Especially because Peter's arc in insomniac is in a lot of ways connected to adulthood and learning how to be an adult, I find that in this regard Harry can be a very effective symbol for youth and parts of Peter's life he might be nostalgic for before the constant stress that being a self sufficient adult brings.

I could probably get a lot into how a lot of my favorite moments of Insom Harry's writing as a character are moments where he functions as a symbol. I swear to god its a good thing.

Getting back on point, while their emotions are very much a lot more complex than that, the moment of nostalgia and normalcy that this story beat provides something very useful. If Harry gets to symbolize youth and Peter's (and MJ, I have a lot to say about her) want for a more normal, quaint life his responsibilities as Spider-Man--and as an adult--mean he can't have, you're having a moment where the personification of Peter's nostalgia for simpler times brings him and MJ to a location that represents childhood and youth to experience the sort of normal, stress free life they will never be able to live. But I think on a mental level, MJ and Peter engage with this moment in a very different way than Harry.

MJ had a more chaotic childhood than Peter or Harry did. In the sort of spectrum between the three I am about to try and express, I think that fact is important to remember. Part of the reason she can handle Peter well as a romantic partner is because she has been used to instability and chaos since she was a kid, her father and the numerous issues that plagued her household basically training her to be able to handle the instability that Peter will always bring to her life. Even if I don't doubt that for her, Peter is very representative of freedom from that and the sense of peace and power that adulthood has given her, being away from her unstable childhood and having the power adulthood brings to choose what chaos she's going to allow in her life, Spider-Man still causes instability in her life. Her complicated feelings on this aren't really something I have time for in this post but... *motions to Scream*. With that being said, if it isn't already super clear I have a lot of love for what Harry symbolizes here, Harry still is very much connected to the parts of her childhood that WERE good. Being her friend and disconnected from her family, for her there's no doubt a massive connection between him and the pieces of that time that were peaceful and that she can look back fondly on. She isn't immune here. But she's also got a much lighter tint on her rose-colored glasses: I think she does want normalcy and that she does wish for simpler times like that, but I also think that how many painful times were associated with her youth have done a lot to make sure her nostalgia can't overcome her. She is the person here best equipped to know that things were not as great as the three of them want to think they were before they became fully realized adults. And I don't think she'd be willing to give up the life she's built if it meant she could have something peaceful. She knows that things weren't as great as nostalgia paints them and she made her choices as to what she wants in adulthood, as rough as they might often be. I don't think she'd give that up for the world.

It should be obvious Peter is the middle point here. Much of his arc is symbolic of coming of age, adulthood, and maturing. His character beats often include things that either draw on the imagery of or are metaphors for various aspects of maturing and becoming an independent adult. But this is only the second game out of what seems like will be three, and very early on at that. Peter has experienced the disillusionment of realizing idols and mentors will often fail him and the loss of innocence that comes with losing May, his parent, something that I like to see as symbolic of becoming truly independent as an adult--especially because he had to make that choice himself, out of maturity rather than the childishness of trying to cling to her. But many of those beats are very painful: becoming an adult is in a lot of ways, it can feel like losing a lot of yourself to let go of childhood. He's on the path there, but he's at a point where a lot of him resents that. Spider-Man is responsibility, is maturity, is adulthood. He has matured enough to know he can't reject it, to know the consequences it would bring, but he would yearn to live a normal life--feel that nostalgia for simpler and more peaceful times--much more than MJ does. When he looks back on times without Spider-Man, on his youth, most of the painful and hard times are going to be connected with Spider-Man, our metaphor for adulthood here, rather than his youth itself while MJ's painful memories are far more connected to childhood itself. MJ feels pain towards childhood and sees being an adult as freedom from that. Peter sees adulthood as painful and sees youth and nostalgia as his potential freedom from that

As I have no doubt nailed into your heads, Harry and Coney Island are both heavily symbolic of just that. Harry comes back into his life when the weights of Spider-Man are at their worst and when he would be wishing he could have normalcy more than anything. Peter knows that he can't have it. He's much more resentful of that fact than MJ is, but he does know. And as much as he knows that, he is repeatedly and constantly attracted to parts of his life he feels like will give him that. MJ seems to see this moment as a briefer indulgence, much like most people would see any sort of weekend lapse from the stresses of life. She is happy to have those on occasion, as a treat if you will, to bring her joy. Peter knows he cannot have it forever, but he hasn't accepted that he can't ever go back to that place, so much of the early game, especially moments with Harry, shows Peter seeming to chase after moments of nostalgia and normalcy as a method of running from the fact he can't go back. I think if it was best executed, the plot would have resolved with something relating to that very idea: It's hard, it's painful, it's never going to be easy, but you can't go back, and maybe the things you yearn for aren't as perfect as you remember them.

So MJ has accepted and come to terms with her metaphorical adulthood, Peter is on the path to accepting it but still yearns for and chases it, so what is Harry? Well, where is he in this moment in a narrative sense? Prior to his time in stasis waiting for a cure, assuming my memory serves me correctly, Harry hadn't actually experienced all that much independent adulthood. And what adulthood he had experienced was, when not plagued by the stressors of his terminal illness, also tethered to his rich father. I think enough people have dissected the weird writing of billionaires in insomniac games, but I think there's still an argument I could make about the fact that having the amount of money the Osborn's do can serve as a sort of barrier from the earliest, most stressful, and most rapidly maturing aspects of early adulthood. I don't intend to discredit the stress of chronic illness whatsoever, but a lot of aspects of Harry's life would delay much of the development that happens in a person emotionally in early adulthood without even getting into the two years he lost. I do think we need to remember Harry is a grown, adult man, considering that my least favorite moment in the game is a sudden moment in which they write Harry to not behave like an adult man when he was not established to behave like that, but that is off topic. Harry has been deprived of a lot of the normal experiences of youth and early adulthood by chronic illness, his father's sheltering, etc, but has had the experiences of early adulthood diluted enough that he can't entirely see that the way he thinks of things is unrealistic and overly idealized. While he very much behaves like an adult, a lot of his optimistic view of things can read as somewhat childish in a way.

All that to say that in the sliding scale of MJ-Peter-Harry, Harry has lost so much of his chance to experience a normal life and has lacked the normal maturing experiences most people have enough that he wants the normalcy and nostalgia ridden ideals of life that MJ and Peter yearn for, seeing regular life with the same rose colored glasses Peter does, but unlike Peter, still thinking he can achieve that. Peter and MJ are, at least in some capacity, aware of the fact they can't ever go to the place they yearn for and it would be hopeless to try--but Harry doesn't think like that. And alongside that, MJ and Peter all will, by nature, have a better relationship with that ideal because they both, in some regard, got to choose the parts of their lives that are chaotic and painful. Harry lost a lot of his youth to chronic illness in many regards and then lost more of it to Norman's hollow, desperate promise he could cure him if he was willing to give even more time up. MJ and Peter chose the chaos of Spider-Man, each in different ways, while Harry doesn't get to choose the chaos that terminal illness brings. The combination of that barrier from maturing experiences, idealism, and the fact he never got to choose result in the fact that Harry will pursue his ideal and is willing to give up so much more than MJ or Peter to achieve it, to "heal the world" and achieve that existence because he never got to choose that. And hell, because it's terminal illness, it would cut his life short if he wasn't willing. MJ and Peter will always have the reassurance of the existence of the rest of their lives being waiting. For them, normalcy gets to be an indulgence, something they only get to partake in on occasion, while Harry wants that to be their norm and is willing to pursue that with his everything. They are, even if it's more complicated than that, willing to let it be the exception and not the rule, while Harry wants it to be the rule and assumes they want the same.

As I referred to prior, this moment gets to be the calm before the storm, a moment symbolic of those mentalities and how the characters interact with that theme in the other moments I think are best executed. Peter slowly walks the path to accepting that he can't go back and reconciles his adulthood, while Harry consistently clings to it. Hell, a lot of my favorite uses of Harry are uses where I really get to see the value he brings narratively as a symbol. I think, if they couldn't commit more fully to his character in relation to chronic illness and venom and let go of the pieces of his character they've already written out, they should have committed to this idea. Hell, in an ideal world I would get both. And I know it conceptually sounds off putting, but I swear that Harry functioning as largely a symbol more than a character is actually a really good thing and really good for his character as it stands, that's not an insult. I am genuinely enthusiastic about that idea.

[lady-morrigen]

Why do they keep infantilizing Helaena because she is autistic coded and also the magical element of being a dreamer? It's like she's stupid and has no agency because of the mystical and autism stuff. Helaena is a dreamer etc in the book but she knows what's going on and is not this helpless female who is not present mentally. I can't phrase this correctly but like that's how I feel. It's like it's bad and less to be different and people have to be gentle and patient and infantalize her. In the book b and c Helaena offered up her life etc she fought back in her way. Phia did a great job with the shit scenes they gave her but it's a huge insult to Helaena to think she refers to her children as the boy or offering a necklace. Book Helaena knew people were going to die in that room that night and she tried to prevent it with her own life as she is queen and high value, not a fucking necklace as if they would care about that. She did it to make the b and c pause because it would be the equivalent but it came back to a son for a son and she was forced to make terrible decisions that she tried to think strategically. Also Alicent was there and their staff were killed including a guard I think. Suddenly there's no guards in the TV version when tensions of assassination are at an all time high especially around Aegon's heirs. They're all gone or fucking Alicent all of a sudden. Also Aegon suddenly showing interest in his kids... Unless it's because he's king he sees the kids in a new light as his responsibility and heirs. That was badly handled. Helaena is intelligent and has agency etc but Condal totally dumbed her down

i let this sit for a bit, because i wasn't sure that i was the person to give an opinion on it. i am not really a Helaena-focused blogger and i, admittedly, haven't read the book. but i do agree.

as someone who only knows her from what Condal has shown us, i do tend to feel that sense of "must protect the sweet baby" because that's how she's portrayed. like you said, phia has done a phenomenal job with the material she was given.

as a show-only viewer (for now), i have to say that i was still very tense during b&c, and i did cry a lot after the episode was over. (i still blame @vampire-exgirlfriend for this because she made me feel endeared to Jaehaerys more than the show could have.)

in terms of Aegon, i think it's beautiful to see him show interest in his children. his father was a shitty king and an even shittier father who never showed more than a surface-level interest in his children, especially Aegon. i don't blame him for wanting to be better and do better for his children than his parents did for him. please remember, he was forced to marry his own sister and have children with her. he's already set up to fail.

anyway, i feel like i've lost the plot here... one thing i want to point out is that referring to Helaena as "dumb" is a bit of a stretch and lowkey pretty offensive, ngl. i can see both sides of the argument in terms of how she responded to being held at knife point. however, disassociation is a thing and a lot of neurodivergent people revert to similar behavior in moments of high stress.

tldr; the way b&c was handled by Condal et al. has been insanely polarizing and, as someone willfully ignorant of how it's handled in the text, i am not sure i can offer much insight. all in all, i enjoyed the episode and wasn't watching it to find little details to nit pick until i hated it. idk.

[isolarya]

cameron

watch me try to puzzle out cameron because I refuse to believe he did that for no reason

he's very school focused, but it seems to be for the sake of achievement/recognition?

not afraid of doing something wrong, more afraid that he'll get caught (therefore when he has a way to get out of having done something wrong, he takes it, as seen when he betrays keating), but that's similar enough to being scared to break rules it doesn't make much difference

I think the “scared of getting caught” thing is pretty well illustrated when he gets mad at charlie for the article, because then they'll get investigated and potentially caught

when he wants/doesn't want to do something because of this though, he seems to make excuses for why (probably so he'll be listened to and not have to be laughed at for being a rule follower, which is probably fair)

he seems very focused on what those who have more authority think of him (most obviously the school, but like I think also his parents), but also is just self-conscious of what other people think of him too

therefore, i don't think he says bad things because he genuinely believes them, but because he's trying to make himself look better (that doesn't make it right, of course)

I think this quote from keating (during the marching scene) sums up his thought process pretty well:

he always wants to do the right thing (to clarify: not the morally right thing, what those around him have decided is right), to follow instructions correctly

(on a separate note, keating is a master at analysing his students for no reason)

in the end, I think at his core he just really wants the approval of others (those in authority above all) and acts accordingly to get it (including making himself agreeable to others)

I think that's why he still tries to justify his actions to the poets in the end: the approval of authority matters to him, but so does the approval of his friends (because I don't think he realised losing them would be a consequence, even a short-term one, of his actions)

feel free to add more or correct me!

[guppygiggles]

Like Real People Do, Part 3! ♡ (Casper x Avery)

☁️ Summary: Avery explains where he's from and why he lives in the lighthouse. Casper takes Avery to the fair. Things get a bit more interesting between them.

☁️ Warnings: Very mild suggestive language, mild emotional scene, Real Actual Tickling™ This is a series now!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 *you are here

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

If you just got here and want to know more about my characters, you can read my comic starting right here!

"Wait, what? If you can do that, why didn't you do it when we met? Weren't you afraid I'd freak out?"

"Well... it takes a lot of energy, and it's not something I can do at the drop of a hat, either. It takes time to spin up. It also wears off after about an hour," he explained, pausing for a moment to take a sip of his drink, "and, yes... I was afraid you would freak out, but I also didn't know how long you would be unconscious. You were out for about twelve hours... I can't hold it for that long."

Avery shifted pensively on the couch, his eyes not meeting mine. My heart sank. He'd only been in my apartment for half an hour, and I had already upset him.

"Look, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. Please don't feel pressured to agree, okay? I won't be upset. We can do something else."

"Please don't misunderstand. I really want to go! I've admired the Ferris wheel from my lighthouse many nights; I've always wanted to see it up close. It's just that, I've never been around that many humans at once before. I'm concerned I won't... behave correctly. Casper, I... I don't want to get you in trouble, or embarrass you."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. I had to admit, it did make sense for a man whose only social interactions were Internet-based to be concerned about his first social outing. I just couldn't believe he was worried about embarrassing me. I shook my head, snorting.

"Dude, there's nothing you could do that would embarrass me, I am so cringe already on my own. As far as getting me in trouble, eh. I've been in trouble before," I said, smirking coolly. That was a lie. I was a total goody-goody who'd never gotten so much as a speeding ticket, but I was willing to risk it for him.

Avery chuckled uncomfortably. He still would not look at me. "So have I."

My eyes widened.

"Holy shit, like, with the law? Avery, you? What did you do?" It was hard to imagine this straight-laced man, in his neat little button-down and slacks, had done anything wrong in his life, much less run into legal trouble.

Avery looked down at his hands, then inhaled deeply. "To answer that, I think it would be appropriate to first explain why I'm here, living in that abandoned lighthouse, in the first place.

"I am from a place called Cirropa, way up in the mesosphere: The highest level of the atmosphere where clouds can still form. Your scientists think that noctilucent clouds are the only type that form there -- that isn't true. Above that layer is where sentient variants, like myself, are born. We just aren't detectable by human technology at that altitude. When you see noctilucent clouds, you are really just seeing the "floor" of Cirropa," he explained.

"Though clouds can't die of illness, pollution can still make us sick, just like it makes you sick. It also prevents new clouds from being born; sentient and mundane alike. A little is tolerable, but too much has a major impact on clouds as a whole. Your industrial revolution in the 1700s had such a deleterious effect on our population that we are now on the verge of extinction: That is why I'm here. I research weather patterns and pollution relief strategies, and collect data that your scientists don't have the technology to obtain, then anonymously provide it to organizations that are trying to enact change. I wanted to ensure that currency would never be a barrier for entry in terms of obtaining my services, because for me, the situation is quite literally life-and-death. So, I do it for free.

I don't often have need for physical things, but when I do, I steal them. Books, clothes, parts to maintain the devices I use to collect data, et cetera. I never take anything I don't need, including food -- I only know that I can eat food because I have occasionally found wild berries and such while conducting research, and, well... I'm a curious fellow."

He brightened a bit, to my great relief, then continued, "Despite the pollution and damage you cause, I still find humans endearing and fascinating. I know you are not all the same, and I feel true sorrow for those who are suffering like we are. The work I do is for them, too. But yes, I have been caught stealing before; I've even been chased by your authorities once or twice! I try not to steal from local businesses when I can avoid it, though. I don't want to hurt small shop-owners with families to feed. Robbing big-box stores is more dangerous, since it's easier to get cau- Casper, are you okay?"

When Avery finally looked at me, my eyes were glassy with tears that I was fighting to prevent from rolling down my cheeks. I hated crying in front of other people, but when I got emotional, it was impossible to hide -- my face flushed when I cried, too. Quickly, I turned into my shoulder and rubbed my tears on my sleeve. He was just so compassionate. My species was destroying his, yet he still held such tender curiosity and empathy for us; he still wanted to be there in my apartment, spending time with me. What could I say to that?

"Avery... whatever you need, just ask me, okay? I'll give you my phone number."

"Casper, I couldn't possibly-"

"Yes, you could. I'm not rich, obviously... but I make enough money. The work you are doing is so important, more important than anything I've ever done. I can't bear the thought of you putting yourself at risk when I can do something about it... especially since I literally owe you my life. I would have drowned yesterday if not for you. Please?" I implored from across the coffee table, my hands fidgeting in my lap.

Avery fidgeted a bit, himself, looking out the window for a moment.

"Alright, dewdrop. If you insist," he relented, smiling a little now.

"Yesss! Here's my number." He typed it into his phone, then gave me his. "So... we got a little off track. Do you still want to go to the fair? Like I said, no hard feelings if not."

He perked up again, his big smile a salve for my aching heart. "Yes!"

"Cool, let's do this transformation thing."

+++

"Erm. Could you turn around? I've never had someone watch me do this before," Avery asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, yeah, of course."

I spun around, facing the kitchen. From behind me, he took a deep breath.

"Remember, once I'm transformed, we have one hour. Okay?"

"Got it, no problem. The fairgrounds are a short walk away, and I'll set a timer on my phone."

"Okay."

First, there was silence. Then, a sound like crackling fireworks, which grew progressively louder until it was so loud, I was concerned my neighbor might hear it. In the blurry microwave window, I could see flashes of light, followed by the faint chlorine-like scent of ozone. The microwave clock informed me that this went on for three minutes, during which time the urge to peek was nigh-unbearable, but I stayed put. Then, there was silence again. After what felt like ages, Avery spoke, "Okay, you can turn around now."

I whirled, instantly catching my breath.

His face was essentially the same, but his puffy head shape had been compacted into that of a human skull, the top of which erupted in a cloud of fluffy, curly white hair. Peeking out from his curls I spied two delicate ears, and his previously white irises were now a playful cerulean, glimmering above his round, cherub-like cheeks. It took me a moment to realize my mouth was open, and close it.

"Do I look human?" He asked.

Avery didn't look human at all, he looked like an archangel, perhaps even a god in this form. 'Celestial' was the only word that seemed appropriate to describe his beauty, and yet... I felt a pang of regret. Though I was excited to take him to the fair, and I accepted this as the only way he could attend... I already missed his cloud form, and the soft, elegant curves of his real head.

So distracted was I, that I forgot to temper my response.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen," I said, and in my heart I knew that I wasn't just talking about his face.

Avery flushed, and despite his human countenance, his blush was still blue.

+++

The glowing arc of the Ferris wheel grew larger as we approached, LED lights illuminating it in a rainbow of colors. It was a Monday night, and I noticed approvingly that the crowd had thinned considerably from the mass of patrons I had seen on weekends prior. As we walked under the colorful welcome awning, the aroma of popcorn, frying oil, and spun sugar engulfed us. The night was warm, and as I looked at Avery, his blue eyes reflecting the many lights looked like a sea of stars.

"What would you like to do, first? If you don't know, I'm happy to lead on," I offered.

"Oh, I'm so excited to ride the Ferris wheel, aren't you?"

I had been on Ferris wheels plenty of times in the past, but I had never been so excited to ride one as I was right then.

There was a short line for the attraction. I bought our tickets and we climbed into the colorful metal cart, which I noticed with delight was painted with a cheeful cloud motif. Unlike other Ferris wheels I had been on, this one had old-fashioned style carts with a single seat and an open top. I climbed in, and as Avery sat beside me, my heart fluttered nervously as his hip pressed against mine. The gate closed and we were off.

Though the night was warm, a gentle breeze caressed us as we ascended to the top of the wheel. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply the heady bouquet of food, sea and ride machinery. After a moment, I turned to Avery.

"Aren't you able to fly much higher than this thing can go?" I joked.

"Well, yes, but... it's nice to rest and take it all in, you know? Flying is fun, and freeing, true enough... but it can be tiring as well," he said, alabaster curls spilling over his shoulders as he looked up at the stars. Recalling how it felt to ride my skateboard, I could relate.

An unexpected sound broke my reverie.

"Hehe, stop it!" a female voice cried from below us.

I looked down, where two women were cuddled together in the next cart, seemingly on a date. Like Avery and I, they were pressed together in the confined space of the cart, and it seemed one of them was taking advantage of the other's immobility. I watched with a cocktail of elation and horror as she squeezed her partner's sides and scribbled fingertips on her kneecaps, making her squeal with laughter.

"Whatever they're doing down there sounds like fun," said Avery, elbowing me playfully. His nudge to my sensitive ribs sent a shockwave through my whole body, and it was all I could do to endure it without jumping, petrified to tip him off.

"I am going to DIE. How does this keep happening?!" I thought, feeling in that moment as though I were a character in the story of a tickle-obsessed blogger.

"H-haha, yeah, I think they're on a date," I choked.

"Are we on a date, too?" asked Avery, his innocent eyes now trained on me.

Sweat broke out along my hairline, my palms slick as I gripped the lap bar, my heart pumping like an engine piston. In my panic, my internal monologue rang out.

"Say something, quick! If you take too long to answer, it might make things awkward!"

"What do I say! What if I say it's a date and it makes him uncomfortable!"

"What if you say it isn't and he's crushed because he feels the same way you do!"

"BOTH OF THESE OPTIONS SUCK!"

"Do you want us to be?" I asked, summoning all of my courage to look him in the face. Even with his altered visage, behind those eyes, it was still him. There was no going back, now. Whatever he said was going to mean something for our relationship... whatever kind of relationship it was going to be.

"Hehe, well, I... I'll admit, I'm... I'm quite fond of you. But, I've never done this before, especially not with a human. I want to keep going, but, do you think we can take it slow? Isn't that... what real people do?"

"Avery, we can take this at whatever pace you want. I've got nothing but time, and I'm not going anywhere. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for," I replied, trying to hide my breathlessness. "And, for the record... I'm quite fond of you, too, cloudboy."

Avery flashed me his signature grin, making me melt like a snowcone in July.

"Then, it's a date."

He shifted a bit. Then he gently leaned his body against mine, and as he did, my heart soared like a kite off its string.

[starlightbelle]

Fic Writer Interview

Wow thanks so much for tagging me @whileyoureinschoolidothisallday ! This looked like fun!!

-- How many works do you have on AO3?

9 currently

-- What's your total AO3 word count?

6,734! I’m still just getting started lol 😅

-- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Here’s to Not Being in Love (92)

Smile (38)

Mime (18)

Family (15)

Calico Road (15)

(Smile, Mime, and Family are all from my Corazon Week submissions 😊)

-- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I appreciate anyone taking the time to read my work and leaving a comment??? Bless 🙏🏼 Sometimes I’m a little late replying but I always make an effort to reply whenever possible!

-- What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

All of my Corazon Week fics are pretty angsty. They’re canon-compliant so the angst comes with the territory 😢

-- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

A Kyros/Scarlett anniversary fic I’ve had written for months but haven’t shared yet. That’s probably the fluffiest ending I’ve written to a fic that’s actually completed

-- Do you write crossovers?

I haven’t…but I’m not opposed

-- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no 😅

-- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. Not my thing.

-- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

-- Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but if anyone wanted to and asked that would be such an honor!

-- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not exactly. But my sister and I have collaborated on brainstorming a couple ideas

-- What’s your all-time favorite ship?

✨ me x my fave ✨

Lol jk but I’m not sure… I’ll go with a classic Belle/Adam from Beauty and the Beast.

-- What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I had a Loki/Sigyn fic I was writing years ago with my own concept for Sigyn’s characterization. It was fun but I don’t have much prolonged interest in the MCU anymore so I don’t know if I’ll get back in the mindset to continue it. Who knows, though? Maybe someday 😅

-- What are your writing strengths?

All aspects of a scene need to be balanced in order to craft a good story, in my personal opinion. I work very hard to write realistic dialogue and in-character actions. I really think I have a knack for characterization.

-- What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing lengthier WIPs, despite all the best intentions 😅

-- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Nuanced. It can be done correctly or incorrectly imo. I think it can be a wonderful way to express a more about a character, like using terms of endearment in the character’s native tongue, for example.

-- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

To my recollection either Kim Possible or The Incredibles when I was little. I didn’t really refer to it as “fanfic” back in the day, though

-- What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

For My Hero, I really want to write a dynamic between Toshinori and Moko Tamashi (the last woman All Might saved) not necessarily romantic; I haven’t decided on a direction for that one, only that I want them to interact.

For One Piece, I also want to write something for Sanji and Osome (the woman from Wano with the little mouse friend) — they were so cute and I liked her a lot!

Both of these are self-indulgent bc it’s one of my favorite characters and an underrated background character lol

-- What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I honestly don’t think I can choose a favorite, because all my fics are very special to me. Each one contains a piece of my soul so it makes it very difficult to pick just one. 😅

This was so fun! I'll tag a few other writers!

@balsee @gendervapor14 @forgedobsidian @plusultraetc @captainportgasdace @shaanks @dark-elf-writes @misslovasstuff and anyone else who wants to!! No pressure if you don't feel like participating! :D

[justajsworkshop]

i think a topic i'd love to hear more about is something you wrote about before - the concept of not forcing yourself to imagine. why do you think people force themselves? i think it may be the pressure to change the 3d. have you ever been in that position? what do you think is the remedy to it?

oh, yeah. for sure! so, by the nature of existence, we can't really say what other people's experiences are like—only how we individually experience reality. this is something i'm working on curbing myself because i tend to veer into "we" territory since i was used to using that in my old coaching space.

so while i can't speak for what other people's experiencing of themselves and reality is like, i can definitely speak to my own! and if what i say resonates for you (whoever is reading this), then feel free to take this for a bit of your own self-reflection.

for the sake of simplicity and clarity, i'm going to use the term "to imagine" as a blanket term for affirming, visualizing, or any other use of awareness to experience yourself differently.

whenever i forced myself to imagine, the forcefulness was stemming from two main causes:

(1) because i saw the "use" of imagination as a means to an end. i thought i "had" to imagine in order to receive my desire. imagination was the process/requirement to fulfill, and my fulfillment was conditional upon it. this perspective inherently implies separation between me and my desire because imagination is what "fills in the gap."

as a result, i often imagined from a place of "i am not that which i desire to be, and i have to do this to get what i want." so, i was pushing myself to do this thing, with an underlying fear of nonfulfillment as the foundation for this imaginal act. so, even if i was exhausting myself to death affirming or visualizing, i was convicted of being a self who was not what i desired to be. so, you can guess what manifested: nonfulfillment. it was a perfect manifestation of who i said i was: a person who doesn't have what they want.

(2) i trusted my "efforting" more than my being. this is understandable because of all our conditioning and blah, blah, blah. but i don't want to give that too much credit or it gets easy to use as a crutch. i thought that success (i.e., fulfillment) was dependent on how hard i tried. so, i would be obsessing over every detail in an imaginal scene or getting it just right and perfecting the fuck out of it, which, of course, was not fun whatsoever.

i was caught up in my ego around my performance because i saw my fulfillment conditional upon how well i executed this imaginal act (the detail of visualization, how much i affirmed, the hours of saturation, etc.). when you perceive fulfillment as conditional upon your doing/efforting, then you set yourself up to be, well, really tired. lbr. because you're always going to be asking yourself "was it enough? did i try hard enough? did i work hard enough? did i affirm enough? saturate long enough? do it right?"

so, once again, i created a gap between fulfillment and nonfulfillment, and imagination, specifically the "correct" use of it according to an authority other than myself, was what i needed to be fulfilled. then, i'd look to the physical world (seeing it as separate from me) to validate that i had "done it right" by showing me the evidence of my fulfillment (i.e., did i get my shit yet in the 3D????). and this just created a never-ending loop of trying harder and harder to imagine "correctly", then not getting my desired external result because i was still convicted of being a person who was unfulfilled. cue: serious burnout.

and this is why i'm always talking about unity and understanding yourself as god/being in perfect unity with ALL things, including your desired experience. because seeing that fulfillment just is and that i'm already one with it, all it takes is me choosing it, has brought so much fun, ecstasy, and joy back to the experience of being again.

when i imagine, i'm not doing it from an assumption of nonfulfillment. i'm choosing my desired end and giving it to myself. every affirmation/visualization is me giving myself what i want. it's me saying yes to the perfect and total fulfillment i already am.

tom's video yesterday mentioned the distinction between a desire and desiring. there's nothing wrong with having a desire because if you have a desire, you just fulfill it by choosing it. they're one in the same. but if you're desiring, you're perceiving yourself as separate from that which you want, so ofc you're gonna push yourself to do all these processes and techniques thinking you have to in order to be fulfilled.

so, again, people can come into my inbox all they want and say "i know i am god, but—" and i know instantly that you don't actually understand what that means. because if you did, there's no "but" after that statement since god is literally EVERYTHING. how can there be a "but" to everything? to all that is?? to the absolute?? god just IS; god is all of existence itself. there's no "exception" that can ever be applicable here, so you're just quoting scripture back at me to justify your limitations. weird flex, but ok??

and this is why i'm always saying the first principle of manifestation is "be still, and know that i am god." and if it just sounds like WORDS to you or an intellectual concept, then you need to reflecting inwardly and ask yourself "who am i?" get curious until you see for yourself. set the intention to have your "aha" moment or to receive the explanation in a way that resonates with you if that phrasing doesn't do it.

otherwise, your fulfillment is always going to be/feel conditional upon a technique, method, process, or performance, and you're forcing yourself to do all this shit fearing you're not going to get what you want the whole time... and as edward art said, fear is just the misuse of imagination. guess what manifests!! because we're god all the time, whether we're conscious of it or not. so you being convicted of being someone who isn't fulfilled is just going to give you more nonfulfillment because you are reality; there is no separation.

[thesoulesscollection]

(Request) Keep Me Stable

Request: I have a request, could you do one with Reg & Carol right after Rhm was defeated and then a timeskip to after he's even given his cybernetics. CopperRight

Maybe not my best work but I enjoyed writing it and I hope you feel the same while reading it. 

Blood. So much. It fills his vision. Reginald felt sick to his stomach. 

"... Oh, shit…" When he hears another voice, familiar, though he could barely hear it as he struggled to breath. "... Regi-?" 

Everything is stained with blood. The floor, walls, even the ceiling up above. Reginald didn't want to think where else it laid as he stumbled back. 

He was shell shocked by the entire ordeal. How can he not be?

His long-term partner, his soulmate, is left in critical condition. A man he loved dear to his heart, he can't be left alone like this, was left for dead, torn apart at the seams, and is now clinging onto life. 

"Reginald" Again he hears her elegant voice, more clearer than the last, deeply soothing, able to command the room, it puts him at ease. "Please, stay with me" 

A firm hand grips his shoulder, she jerks him from the horrible scene into a separate room so he can only focus on her. Throughout he can barely hear her voice coming in one ear out the other, as his vision is a dizzying blur, mind left in an unfocused mush. Until a very concerned Carol is in view. 

"He. H-he's… Rig-" That's when Reginald breaks, speaking incoherently. 

"I know. I know" She whispers so no one else can hear them. "We got him. They're taking good care of him as we speak" 

When attempting to turn his head to look if they were indeed doing what she says, Carol tenderly cups his head he instinctively leans in. 

"He's going to be fine. I know it and so do you" She went to reassure, wiping the tears away. Buried in the back of his mind, he's embarrassed for showing weakness. For being such a coward. He can't even do his title as a leader correctly without almost killing his right hand. 

"H-how. How can you be so sure?" 

Reginald heaves, broken sobs choked back, hunched over, palpitations in his chest, any moment it could either sway in or out of their favor. Death like always would be around that corner now, eager, ready to steal his love from him in an underhanded swoop. 

"I know so. He's tough" Hesitant to believe her is a severe understatement, Reginald fought to not cry. "He won't dare leave your side" 

***

They've been close friends, considering one another as family for years Carol could tell something was up. When she entered his office she saw the man, exhausted, heavy bags under his eyes, and laying his head, messy hair askew, down on the dark oak desk. 

"He's going to be alright, Reginald" She said in a low, calming tone as if she read his mind.  

"I know he will, Carol... He's in stable enough condition after the surgery" As she moves to sit next to him, he shrugs his shoulders. "But I worry" 

"You're allowed to. We didn't think he'll make it but the doctor did her work well" 

Reginald sat up in his seat, nowhere close to reassured, thin fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, "She did. Forever grateful for her work. Nonetheless I regret my choice"

"Why though? He's alive. Doing better then he's done before"

"I know, Carol, dear, I know. What will he say when he wakes up and sees how much he'd changed. I can't bear the idea. Everything will be different" 

"Do you think he would be mad at you? For me, I think he'll be more than grateful" 

They sat in silence together where Reginald balls then unclenched his fists on his lap. "I really hope so. I only want to do what's best for him" 

"You are. He's going to be fine" 

[iniziare]

✵ blade for kafka ofc ;)

Prompt: Send ✵ and my muse will answer // @daybreakrising

Their first impression of your muse: I firmly believe that there was an element of empathy, one for an equal. And the reason I say this, is because of what always stuck out to me with these two 'meeting' for the first time: the fact that she didn't just stick to trying to calm him down with her Spirit Whisper in a more general sense (which she does twice), but she later on and not immediately, targets his mara directly when she says "Listen, don't think about anything at all." That to me, is the first time that she speaks to 'the monster inside' (as thoughts and memories are actively and intricately tied to the resurgence of the mara), without, I don't think, particularly needing to do so as of yet. Nothing seems to inherently indicate that Blade was violent in that moment or on the verge of madness (it seems as though the mara was at bay still as he just woke up), so I think that this is a sign of Kafka's own choice towards him. It's one of soothing, it's one that gives him peace— which isn't a thing done for one you don't have a semblance of 'I feel bad for', towards. But it's not just that, either. It's the fact that she uses words like 'I don't want to' before she tries to still him, the fact that she walks to his side afterwards and not in front of him, and the fact that he bears witness, on some level, to an authentic moment of herself, despite being a very controlled individual. The fact that all occurred around Blade, tells me that one of her first impressions of him was of a man who'd suffered, and suffered still, and she offered him peace. Ergo, empathy.

Current impression: I spoke of trust and faith in terms of Elio, but there is one person that defies those levels, and that's Blade. They've been side by side for much too long for that to be anything less or even anything different, and this is a hill I will quite frankly die on, revive, only to die on it again. And all I need to prove my point (I know that you know what I'll link to), is this moment, even if that's far from the only one. Kafka may lack fear, but she is not a reckless woman, nor does she lack any level of intelligence, she wouldn't throw herself off anything if she didn't know whether she would live. In this scene, Kafka lets herself fall off the side of the building, because she knows someone will catch her. Because she knows Blade will catch her, because guess who can't die? Blade. And the reason this is most evident to me, is because she spreads her arms as to catch the most wind so her fall is slowed, so that he has time to dive (as we see him do), breaking through the air as to reach her. Kafka knows that he'll succeed, and that is rooted in an incredibly deep sense of trust, I'd go as far as to say it's unparalleled, and I think that speaks magnitudes to the level of understanding that they have. Outside of that, at some point, Blade became more than just her partner in work, Blade became a partner in... life, in all aspects of it, to a point where any endeavor without him feels ill-fitting.

Are they attracted to your muse? Yes, and I don't just think in our little belief system, either. I think that Blade plays perfectly into what draws a woman like Kafka in (madness aside for a moment), through sheer disposition and physicality. But I think that's not really surprising or much of a revelation. But that attraction could just exist without getting enriched by any level of longing or affection. But, well, that line definitely got crossed, so I can add a bit more to this: but yes she is. There are numerous traits that she gets to see in ways that others don't, such as his dominance, that all-encompassing nature rooted in passion of Yingxing (do I remember correctly?) that seems to persist avidly in Blade when caught within that infinitely more intimate dynamic, the manners, the restraint that is so difficult to keep lodged within the palm of a hand, and so it's just little touches— all of these things play into such attraction. She is like a moth drawn to a flame that never burns her, but serves to warm her each time that she draws near; he's almost addicting and yet he's not an addiction. Also yes, I fully realize I went entirely off-topic but she took the reigns and absolutely went with it, I don't cross her.

Something they find frightening about your muse: I don't need to elaborate on how 'frightening' isn't quite fitting, but something she actively looks at with anguish in some way? His goal within the Stellaron Hunters: his wish to die, to find peace. It's something that she's... I don't know if 'come to understand' is quite fitting, but she hears it, she knows it, she'll stroke her fingers through his hair in the morning, knowing that she might not be able to do it until the end of her days. That's what she anticipates, as much as she's... able to anticipate such a thing.

Something they find adorable about your muse: The way he seems to humor her in all things mundane and seemingly trivial. The way he'll try sweets that she'll bring or would have asked SW to bring back for her from Penacony or wherever else, the way he might join her to the cinema and watch a film that might even be so corny, that his eyes could roll all the way back into his skull. Just, the fact he seems to do things because she asks him to; don't think she doesn't notice, Bladie.

Would my muse sacrifice themselves for yours? Correct me if wrong, but I think he wouldn't allow her to in his current state. And to be fair, I also don't think she, practically, would as things stand now. Not because she wouldn't want to, but because it would be stupid to, for her death would be permanent while his wouldn't be. But if the tides were even? Yes, she would.

Would my muse go on a date with yours (platonic/romantic)? She already has, and on multiple occasions (both platonically and romantically). Although, the latter only as of much more recently— even if maybe on a rare occasion, a past platonic outing might have touched on something a little more intimate.

One word my muse would use to describe yours: All-encompassing.

Would my muse slap yours if they could? A lady who harbors some level of romantic feelings for a man would absolutely never do such a thing.

Would my muse hug/kiss yours? Yes to both, but especially the latter. But when it comes to the former, it's not really much of her thing, and it's really mostly in a receptive manner. With which I mean she enjoys the lingering sort of 'embrace', whether it's an arm around her while walking, or an arm around her in the morning, but she's not exactly one to wrap her arms around his neck if he were to lean down and embrace her, not even during a kiss. It's not a lack of interest in physical intimacy of any kind, not at all, it's just not her... style.

[blues-valentine]

Agree with all ur shadow and bone thoughts, im honestly so disappointed.. they just forgot to add the sankta alina followers in the show which was always so interesting and important to me, like wth was the mal reveal it was terrible, like wheres the angst? Wheres alinas hunger for power that starts to scare her? Like it all felt so hollow.

Yeah, honestly the Sankta Alina plot was always interesting to me and I think it not only added so many layers to Alina’s character but it also provided a change of dynamic instead of the same Alina’s powers vs Darkling situation that was frankly a bit repetitive. The Apparant if done right could’ve been an great antagonist and they literally introduced him on Season 1 and planted the seeds for this plot only to just blatantly ignore it because they desperately wanted the spin off which I get but I still believe is a disregard to Alina Starkov and a disrespect to Jessie and everyone from the S&B cast.

This religious symbol that Alina represents beyond the Sun Summoner plus her big following was another aspect to Alina’s conflict that gave her layers they just didn’t want to explore. It was truly disappointing and as you just mentioned, hollow. Tolya and Tamar had a really particular devotion and loyalty to Alina, similar to Inej’s because of what she represents in their belief and this was not added on. The twins were basically more involved for Nikolai and the crows’s plot than what they were supposed to mean for Alina’s story line, which was allowing her to understand that side of her and give us a different perspective of her role not just as a savior or queen, but as a whole. Also, the whole Apparat plot gave us really cool moments with all the characters that we’ll probably never going to get such as them in the church ruins. Mal training the Grisha for the upcoming war and all of those cool scenes. It would’ve made sense why they would want Mal as leader of the guards too because he basically takes that role throughout the books. Like, all of these issues is what convinced Alina that she needed to become a queen. Something she did not want. Mal being a great military strategist was never mentioned or brought into the show. Alina didn’t want to be a queen, she wasn’t compelled by the “glamorous” vibe of it all and that’s precisely what they made her up to be.

The thing about Alina’s power is that she’s slowly losing it to the point it scares her and everyone around her. Mal was starting to be afraid too of her hurting herself. It’s what pull him on high alert throughout the whole thing. It’s why Darkling’s visitations become more present, because she’s battling into letting herself be consumed by power. The mental tool it took taking the second amplifier was not explored as it should have been because that changed Alina in a lot of ways. The moment I got into episode 4 and saw that they were already doing the R&R plot I was like, uhm, anyways. It was just so anticlimactic and it sadly was because there was not build up to it.

Like, I am glad I have the books but yeah, it would’ve been great to watch it display on the show correctly because I believe Jessie really stepped up this season in terms of delivery. But I believe maybe this is why they changed that Season 2 ending, like they are clearly going for Alina being corrupted by power — which might simulate Siege and Storm but there was not need to change it this much and it was clear that their priority wasn’t on Alina which is why many other characters ended up having more screen time than the female heroine of color they’ve spent season 1 patting themselves on the back for and the one female they’ve build the whole grishaverse upon – and it’s truly sad.

[ben-j-erickson]

RWRB: Thoughts on the movie

SO a while back, i let the entire internet(like 2 people) know my thoughts on the RWRB trailer. i watched the movie last night. and i have so many, SO SO many thoughts about it. Buckle in kiddos, this is gonna be one long fucking post.

In honor of Mr. Alex Claremont-Diaz and his endless lists, here are some lists including but not limited to what i liked and what i didn't like.

What i liked:

Uma Thurman. Slayed as per usual. I did think they could've done more with her bc she's so much more mom-president in the books. Still, though, Uma Thurman is always amazing and it's amazing to see her.

The way they did the texts and calls? Phenomenal! Did they technically only do that once? yes but we ignore that for a minute

The way that they addressed being queer and the coming-out experience. Everyone deserves to be able to figure out their sexuality/gender in their own time and to be able to tell the world at their time and pace. And they made sure to put that in the movie. [Quick tangent: two of the biggest queer projects of the year(so far), Heartstopper and RWRB both have themes about coming out and how it should be. ]

The sex scenes were actually not bad. The "let's make love" scene never happened in the book and their first time having sex together was way more low-key in the book but I liked that gay intimacy was shown in a very unflinching sort of way. The book certainly doesn't shy away from-for lack of a better word- smut and I'm glad that the movie took a less fade-to-black approach. (and yes, reader, it did make me want to get dicked down. No, I will not elaborate, take from that what you will)

Phillip. I never thought that I'd say this but Phillip in his little 2hr condensed form is actually really accurate. he pisses me off and he's condescending and a real prick. good job writers

Okay. That's some stuff i liked. Apologies readers, my dislike list might be longer than my like list but its coming from a place of love, I promise

What I didn't like:

June. WHERE WAS JUNE???? i get that its a 2-ish hr amazon movie but still. You're gonna have Nora(more on her in just a sec) but not June?? June was a very big part of the book who is a big support for Alex and is just generally cool. Making Alex an only child did not feel right y'all.

If you're gonna have Nora in the movie or like combine Nora and June or whatever the writers/directors/producers had in mind, then DO IT RIGHT. Nora in the books is firmly queer and cool and like probably austistic and a hacker(?). She's got her own sideplot with the whole Richards leak(again, more on that later). She helps Alex come to terms with his bisexuality. And you're just gonna make her a little side character that gives Alex advice and is maybe working on the Claremont campaign. like c'mon. Nora and June are Alex's support system, they're the people he relies on, the people who have seen him before being first-son and after becoming first-son.

Speaking of Alex being the first son, i wasn't happy that they sort of just glossed over Alex's insecurities. we get a little of them in the emails but part of what makes Alex so relatable is that he is confident and he is smart and he does want to help people but he also understands and feels the difference between himself and Henry. Henry is white and British and privileged and has a myriad of insecurities too but Henry will never understand being judged solely on your skin. On being compared to someone else but understanding the double-standards that come along with it. i honestly don't know if i put it correctly but that is why i loved alex so much.

FUCKING MIGUEL RAMOS. WHO MADE THAT FUCKING DECISION????? first off, for those who have yet to read the book, Miguel Ramos is not in the book. Rafael Luna is. Liam is. Both men are very important for Alex(and Henry)'s story. Liam is a key component in Alex's journey in bisexuality. Rafael Luna's involvement in the Richards Campaign is also very important plot-wise. Luna is also one of the guys who Alex realises he thought was hot btw.

The Richards Campaign!?!?!?!! felt very non-important. like i just don't really feel the need to root for the Claremont Campaign or root against the Richards Campaign when they sort of take a backseat. in the book the Richards campaign is the one to leak the emails and its a more malicious strike against the Claremont Campaign vs a jealous reporter who the Alex hooked up with once leaking the story.

WHILE we're on the emails, i know that you can only fit so much in here but COME ON MAN. the emails are sort of the foundation of Henry and Alex's romance. they text(AFTER ALEX GIVES HENRY HIS NUMBER BTW) and then they email each other and its so gay/bi and so happy and so romantic and the quotes man the FUCKING quotes and i didn't get that and can you tell that the emails mean a lot to me

the "history,huh?" moment did not feel as impactful to me. fight me on that , i don't care.

Bea. Said it before, not how i pictured. But boy did they really reduce Bea. Mind you, she's got a very big role in Henry's life an they do try but the powder princess stuff is kind of important.

Princess Catherine. Where is she? Who knows? Again, cut for time but my gosh people, she's the reason Queen Mary turns around on Henry and Alex.

Speaking of Queen Mary, they switched her around for a king?!?!?! LISTEN i get not wanting to make real-world comparisons yadayadayada but Stephen Fry?!?!?! im so sorry that man is too nice for you to try to convince me that he's a racist and homophobic ruler.

Alex's parents. They're together, i guess? minor thing so that's why its here idk.

SO that was a lot of complaints and some good stuff.

You may be thinking "THANK GOODNESS, it's over"

WRONG.

I have more thoughts, dear reader.

Look, was it a perfect adaptation? no. adaptations rarely are.

Was it a good movie? yes. it was.

This movie made my little gay POC heart very VERY happy. it made me happy to see something that I treasure be put out into the world in a movie that I will be watching over and over and over. I'm obviously not pleased with the multiple liberties they took but I'm taking what I can. We need more queer everything out in the world. More queer books, more queer movies, more queer photography, more queer tv shows, more queer museum exhibits, you name it. Given the current state of the world and attitudes about queer people, it is essential to make and consume queer media in all its forms. Queer media makes sure that everyone knows that we're here and queer and we're not going anywhere. This is an important story to tell. And it doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to tell OUR stories.

Henry, Alex (and also Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring) have made me want a love like theirs. A love that is genuine and real and honest and full of hope. A love who understands me and who I understand. To quote Dr. Taylor Alison Swift: "A love that was really something, not just the idea of something."

[that-1-url]

my thoughts on the pjo tv show (spoilers for episode 8) pt 2

6. speaking of VFX, why. They took the time to animate Grover's legs (something mostly unnecessary due to the fact that he wears jeans, fake feet and a hat to hide his goat-ness) in favor of other small things such as Ares' eyes, or Zeus' "flashy" exit from the throne room, or the throne room in general, or the size of the gods (something that could be done with practical effects). 7. Percy's ADHD. It just simply wasn't there. I don't have the authority to speak on the dyslexia side of things, but it felt like they replaced Percy's ADHD with some sort of hallucination-like thing that everyone around him gaslit him into thinking he had. It felt very odd and jarring at times, and while similar events happen in the books, all of the adults around him seemed very determined to like, hospitalize him or something. (This is no hate towards anyone who has visual hallucinations, it just felt like a very weird and slightly ableist (?) approach to the matter that really didn't do either ADHD nor hallucinations any real justice in terms of how it was) [i can't word this correctly i'm sorry] 8. The timeline. They had Grover throw Percy under the bus (for literally no reason) and then immediately whisk him off to montauk in the middle of the school year. (in the books it feels more natural because its at the end of the school term. which apparently it's the summer in the show? but the whole thing is really confusing). It was even more confusing when they show Sally returning because first he goes to montauk in his dream and then she's suddenly there when he wakes up and it begins at the end of the summer i guess?? Not to mention the whole weird portal thing with Luke. He didn't even mention his quest or why he felt personally betrayed by the gods. Just that he hated them because he hated feeling weak? Also Hermes and Hephaestus' appearances didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I feel like the way they escape the casino didn't need to be changed, and in changing it they took away some of Percy's insecurity because in the book he's like "wow I'm having fun with annabeth and grover to find-? who? my mom! how could i forget my mom? something's up". Another quick thing I'm taking on the end is Annabeth getting left behind in the Fields of Asphodel didn't make any sense to me. 9. Annabeth and Grover randomly giving Percy their stuff? It didn't make a lot of sense and was never explained. 10. Percy's main focus at CHB being less of "I want my mom back and I want my dad to pay child support" and more of "so if i do something cool my dad will notice? hmm" felt very odd and out of character. 11. This is less of a critique and more of just a whiny complaint but the series could've been set in 2005 and wasn't. 12. I understand that the show was never going to be a shot-by-shot retelling of the books and i never expected that, but the way they cut out/added scenes felt very erratic and was heavily dependent on the audience already being familiar with the material that I guess we were supposed to fill in the gaps ourselves? and a lot of people have been like "Rick's improving on the story!" and while there were some add-ins I enjoyed, I feel like they cut or changed too many important scenes to really keep the main idea of both the plot and characters. Time for stuff I liked! 1. Dionysus tricking Percy so he would get him a drink was fucking hilarious. 2. Luke's voiceover before Percy fighting Ares being a parallel with Percy's "Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood"? Poetic cinema. 3. Percy pushing Grover and Annabeth through the door at the Arch. Excessive personal loyalty anyone?

4. Grover and Annabeth dunking Percy in the fountain to heal his shoulder was really funny. Truely teenage dumbassery at its finest 5. I didn't like how there wasn't the lightning bolt that threw them off the road at the beginning, but I will give the scene points for looking scarily similar to how I pictured it in my head. 6. The raw quote from Poseidon in the throne room "Obedience does not come naturally to you, does it?" "No...sir." 7. AGE ACCURATE CASTING! This is something we all have been saying from the beginning, but I like acknowledging it again. :) 8. The layout of CHB. You can see just about everything from Half-Blood hill in the books and in the show it's all nice and spread out (as opposed to the Peter Johnson movies where you couldn't even see the next cabin over).

There's more things I have on both sides that I might think of and post about later, but for now that's all I've got. I really did try to approach the TV series with an open mind, but as a show altogether I didn't like it that much, and I really don't think it did The Lightning Thief justice. It's hard to adapt books to TV, but it is possible. I believe that if they had more than eight episodes it could've played out more smoothly, but there were just too many things that changed that didn't have to, and there was too many holes that were left because they cut out the wrong scenes. Kudos to everyone who worked hard on the show and I'm glad that other people enjoyed it. But please respect my opinion and if you have any point of discussion I'd be happy to talk about them with you in a polite, constructive way. Welcome new fans and hello again to old ones, go out and enjoy Percy Jackson and The Olympians, it's a great series (books and TV alike, even if i personally don't like the show)

[essektheylyss]

im going a little crazy but huuuuuuge respect gained for you (and all writers, really) im taking a short story class and im fighting for my life out here. deadlines today so it probably won’t matter that much but how do you not despise what youre writing while writing. drawing’s like ok yea ok this is fine but writing. oh my god. :(

Hello! Deadlines are the worst, so sending some solidarity. (Also huge respect for you as an artist! I tend to feel the opposite—I can usually find some reason to keep a piece of writing but the number of times I want to kick a drawing to the curb entirely is HIGH.)

This is a really hard hurdle to get past though, and I don't think there's really a point where any writer always clears it. I recall, if I remember correctly, a pretty prolific writer (possibly Neil Gaiman but don't quote me on that) telling a story about how they had gotten like 60% done on a draft, called up their editor, and went, "This is crap, I'm giving up and moving onto something else, or better yet I'm never writing again," and the editor with utter chill went, "Oh, you're at that point in the writing process. It's fine, keep going." And the writer was gobsmacked to discover this had happened frequently enough that the editor recognized it.

In any case, I do actually have one trick for this, which helps me a lot! This got long and possibly overly extrapolated, so I'm putting it under a cut:

A lot of writing advice focuses on the timeless but, imo, useless mantra of, "Write the bad first draft because you can't edit a blank page." This is useless because it does nothing to tell you how to live with the shit draft, which is hard and discouraging for continuing with the draft, and also, if you're taking one writing course among many courses, you don't have time to labor over a piece in editing for months. Plus, especially with shorter pieces, I don't find laborious editing useful, especially if you're a perfectionist or worried about whether it's good. (Nothing kills my productivity like long-term editing; hence my current suffering, but sometimes it can't be helped.)

HOWEVER, my trick is this: do not focus on quality at all. "Good" is so subjective, and you can drive yourself crazy trying to achieve it. This is of course easier said than done, but what is easier is replacing it with something. I approach everything (whole pieces, individual scenes, bits of dialogue that I want to burn with fire) by asking myself what I am setting out to accomplish with that bit of writing, and then I evaluate or write it by deciding how that could be accomplished.

This could just be what your assignment is (though I find that a bit broad), or what theme or message you want to convey by the end (though I find that getting this specific is kind of stifling and often a bit too nebulous for me, which negates the point of the exercise). What I've found most helpful especially in writing short stories is to decide what emotion I want a piece to make people feel. That way, if I feel like it's crap partway through, I have a really specific way to evaluate it when I read it back; I can go look at other books or stories that make me feel the way I'm trying to make other people feel; and it's a much easier target for both large and small edits than, "Is it good?"

This also really helps my perfectionism, because it doesn't require it to be the best possible way to accomplish the goal—it just has to accomplish the goal itself. There's a lot less qualitative value being placed on it. Some of my writing that other people have liked the most have been things I thought weren't great, but I read it back and decided it accomplished what I wanted it to do regardless of my feelings about its quality, so I posted or submitted it, and it got the reaction I wanted it to.

And being able to hit those targets consistently is definitely a product of years of practice—which brings me to the one other goal that I find useless: having specific publication or posting goals. I spent basically all of my teenage/college years going, "This is Not Good but it's just practice." (My screenwriting professor did think I was crazy for writing so much as practice when I couldn't use the products as samples for various reasons, but good god am I a better writer for it.) I have written short stories for specific themed anthology calls and the worst thing I can do when I'm writing those is to put my goal down as getting accepted to the anthology, because I do the same thing that you're describing and freeze up while I'm writing it.

And your goal might not be a specific emotion—if you like writing to theme or message, do that! If all of that's too limiting to your creativity, focus on the point of the assignment and write to that! And if you don't know what goal to set at all on projects you're doing for practice, you can think of a piece of writing that makes you feel or think something that you thought was great, and evaluate it for why it achieved that, then try to hit that benchmark. Kind of the writing equivalent of artists practicing a specific artist's style while developing their own. (Needless to say, but since I'm saying this publicly, don't try to copy style too closely, and definitely don't plagiarize, both because it's shitty and also because your teacher's plagiarism checker is likely to catch it even if the teacher doesn't.)

Also, obligatory "your mileage may vary"—I am sure this will not work for all writers, and plenty of pantsers will be scandalized by the suggestion of thinking about an end goal before starting, but I really like having the benchmark and find focusing on that the most useful thing I can do when I'm stuck or discouraged, and find that it genuinely improves my writing because it means it's more cohesive in the end.