#i really want this scene to be done correctly in terms of this being a channel for eddie to finally face the truth

[bisexualbuckl-y]

so, the desire thing and confession... IF they do the whole confession scene right, I can absolutely see hot priest asking for specifics on what eddie and kim actually did, like confession isn't therapy, a priest when actually focused on helping you through confession will ask and will pry until you can actually name "the sin" that's causing you to need confession... so I do see a possibility of the priest digging deep enough until eddie gets to the root of the whole situation

[yumeka-sxf]

According to this tweet from Endo, today's new chapter will be the final installment of the "Henry x Martha backstory" arc...and it definitely went out on a high note! The part where Martha meets Henry's wife was absolutely heartbreaking...in particular the below page, starting with an upside down view of the scene, showing how the world is literally warping for Martha, followed by shards and shreds of her various memories with Henry, all the while the "throb, throb" of her heart is overlaying all the panels. Definitely one of Endo's best portrayals of a truly shocking moment.

It's also interesting that we never see Lucia's face, despite her having a big panel when she first appears.

Endo has done this before with other characters, Loid's parents being the other big example. We also never see their faces, despite them appearing several times during his flashback arc.

With the few examples we've had, to me it seems like Endo hides the faces of characters who 1) appear as flashbacks only and 2) who have had a significant emotional impact on the character whose memories they appear in, but at the same time, that character has since done their best to get over the painful memories associated with them. So they basically represent some past trauma for the character (even if they don't necessarily dislike them) but in the current time, they've more or less left that part of their past behind. Hence why their faces are obscured in the character's memories. This is also why I think we'll never see Loid's parents or Lucia's faces outside of flashbacks. This is just my interpretation of course, and I'm curious if there will be more examples in other characters' flashback arcs.

But back to Henry and Martha, I also liked the fact that, despite her broken heart, Martha still saw Lucia as a good person and became friends with her. Henry seems to love her as well. This actually ties back very well to what Martha tells Becky at the end of her story about how dangerous it is to latch onto preconceptions and prejudices without knowing the truth.

In Becky's simple world, she would see Lucia as the "evil seductress who stole Henry away" and Martha has to get him back. But as Martha said, things aren't always that simple and don't always adhere to our preconceived notions. Sometimes things can't end up exactly how you want or expect, so you have to be grateful for what you have and see things as they truly are, despite living with lingering regrets. In fact, this whole speech from Martha at the conclusion of her flashback was extremely deep and profound. Not many people can write both comedy and drama so well, but Endo is certainly one of them.

Also, is this Wiesel's first appearance? Still waiting for the doggy play date chapter with Wiesel, Bond, Max, and Aaron! 🐶

Since it's been so long since I read the first chapter of this arc, I couldn't remember if Martha had actually revealed the identity of her lover in her story, but makes sense that she didn't. I can imagine Becky storming into school yelling at Henderson and causing total embarrassment for all 😅 Funny that she almost guessed correctly though.

I'm surprised we never found out how Martha started working for the Blackbells, but that's an easy enough mystery to solve - she needed work after the wars were over, and being a bodyguard suited an ex-soldier. Also seems like she never told Henry her true feelings either...maybe by the time Lucia died, it was too late and they had both grown somewhat apart by then, and/or they had some additional falling outs about Martha joining the other wars, etc. It just wasn't meant to be and the message of the story was Martha coming to terms with that and being wiser for it.

In conclusion, this was a great arc that really shows Endo's range as a writer who can do both comedy and drama very well. Despite Henry and Martha being side characters, I have a feeling that the struggles they experienced will have relevance later in the series. But for now, I look forward to seeing the Forgers and other characters again (and getting back to the last major uproar of Anya telling Damian about her powers...seems like ages ago, lol). Endo will be taking a well deserved break, so the next new chapter will be on August 19th!

I also have some new posts planned in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those as well 😀

[neunhofferart]

Howdy, Heidi! You said that some fans picked up things that were done on accident… Were there more scenes like that? Also, were there scenes that you guys made on purpose but fans didn’t pick up / were aware of them? In shipping terms (hihi) and in general terms. Thanks!

I think in every type of media you will inevitably see versions of 'authorial' intent vs audience interpretation that overlap and differ from each other in many ways. (Authorial intent in quotes because in collaborative mediums like film and animation every single person on the pipeline who touches the work probably has a slightly different personal interpretation they're contributing to the final work, even under someone like a showrunner or a director).

Humans are smart and it's in our nature to look for connections and find explainations to questions, so most of the time if someone is putting something down, someone is going to pick it up, so to speak, and a lot of things ARE on purpose.

But this same phenomenon can also lead to us seeing connections in places that even the 'authors' might not have originally thought of while creating the work, and I think that can be pretty neat actually! I don't necessarily think reading alternate interpretations of works is wrong-- it can be very healthy to explore multiple reads of a narrative or a character/character dynamic. On Chaos Theory there were definitely times when we were like 'fans are probably gonna ship this even if it's not the text' haha. Sometimes fans latch onto headcanons you really have no control over. Sometimes things were animated slightly differently from how they were conceived (which is also a natural part of things).

But yes, sometimes I have seen a few other things that were interpreted in slightly different ways from how they were directed or written verbally, but I'm personally of the opinion that it's more fun to leave some things visual and open to a little interpretation rather than beating the words over the audience's head and having the characters constantly announcing 'I'm feeling this because of this!' And going 'this is the only way to interpret the show and the characters and if you don't you're wrong!'

It's usually not a huge deal. I think even as we were working sometimes I'd make connections to myself that weren't necessarily spelled out to us and go 'oh, this is a throughline for this character actually!'

Like for example- if I remember correctly, the original direction behind how Kenji reacted to Ben's apparent death was that it was supposed to the first time he'd ever seen someone he really KNEW seemingly die right front of him, and being unable to do anything about it deeply affected him. Ben is a very important turning point in his character development regardless of which way you read it.

And I think this is actually something that just continued to stack onto his character throughout both shows whenever any of his friends lives are seriously in danger. In Camp when he's still unable to do anything but comfort Sammy while she's poisoned, to deciding it's too dangerous not to trade Wu's laptop for Brooklynn, to eventually throwing himself between the spinosaurus his dad is about to kill Darius with and choosing his friends over his own father and being willing to die with/for them... and then in Chaos Theory it kind of reboots all over again with Brooklynn dying and then his dad dying right in front of him, and his complex of not wanting to be useless and trying to do whatever he can at the expense of even himself to keep the loved ones he has left safe is kicked into overdrive.

I think there are a lot of things like that where the intent is not always verbally spelled out, but the more important thing is that it's still (hopefully) making you feel something.

[conditioned-to-obey]

Hi i have a question please

In day to day life i am very dominant very hard on people i dont like disrespect i dont like being told what to do even tho i love manly man and i love man who s dominant but for example i dont like giving full control to the guy to tell me what to do how to act or like when the guy be like bring me that or do that for me or you know with full subs like they cant eat with their doms or you may eat after i finish you know very acting like she s beneath you it feels very patriarchy to me

However i am very submissive in bed and i like to be spanked and roughed around but the shame afterwards is a lot like i feel like if my dom spanks me as punishment and he tells me what to do i dont really have control and cant fight you know

Idk if this makes sense and sorry for the long explanation lol but i just want to make peace with how i am in bed and in real life and how to do so

What you are describing is about 3 different things at once.

Firstly, "Full subs" doesn't label what you're describing correctly. Eating after/separate of a Dom or that level of control and protocol falls more in line with subs who practice master/slave sub dynamics. Usually seen in scenes or during events. High protocol such as this is not sustainable for most in the long run. As which, shouldn't be looked at as a base line for kink. Or seen as what it means to be a full sub. It's just one type of sub. One you don't resonate with, which is totally fine. It's not for everyone.

For example sake, the practice of eating from a bowl on the floor or separate can be done without misogynistic or patriarchal undertones. I have seen it in pet play a lot. You aren't treated as lesser, it doesn't have to be degrading or humiliation if you don't wish it to bed. It can be being taken care of, fed and pamper. A lot of subs can find it fun to play and eat out of a cute dish while someone pets their head and smiles. It depends on the angle in which it's played.

Second, yes, the themes you are uncomfortable with seems to be the idea of not being in control or feeling lesser or feeling scolded/corrected. Easily fixed by not giving him that control—outside of the bedroom or otherwise. You do not have to be a sub who gets punishments. You have control to fully take that off the table.

From what you describe your enjoyment falls under masochism and roughness. These do not have to be achieved through punishment. You can do it because you enjoy it, no scolding or framing it as corrective action. In fact it can even be a reward. This may alleviate some of that shame you feel by not being treated as lesser. Rather just as a sub who enjoys roughness in a controlled way.

There is no right or wrong way to be a sub. You can simply just be a bottom who is a masochist as well. Don't put yourself in a box. Submission is on your terms. I'm sure plenty of partners would be happy to be dominating in the bedroom and on totally equal footing outside the bedroom. People who carry a lot of responsibility in day to day life find being submissive or giving temporary control to be very freeing and a release for them. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

It's called a Power Exchange, not a Power Loss.

If it feels like you don't have a choice or are have lost your autonomy, free will or ability to speak up then you need to advocate for yourself and be an active participant in articulating why it isn't working. You have more power than you think. Your Dom either agrees and is satisfied with the arrangement of power exchange and when, or they are not. Either way it's a conversation to be had.

Best of luck.

[isolarya]

cameron

watch me try to puzzle out cameron because I refuse to believe he did that for no reason

he's very school focused, but it seems to be for the sake of achievement/recognition?

not afraid of doing something wrong, more afraid that he'll get caught (therefore when he has a way to get out of having done something wrong, he takes it, as seen when he betrays keating), but that's similar enough to being scared to break rules it doesn't make much difference

I think the “scared of getting caught” thing is pretty well illustrated when he gets mad at charlie for the article, because then they'll get investigated and potentially caught

when he wants/doesn't want to do something because of this though, he seems to make excuses for why (probably so he'll be listened to and not have to be laughed at for being a rule follower, which is probably fair)

he seems very focused on what those who have more authority think of him (most obviously the school, but like I think also his parents), but also is just self-conscious of what other people think of him too

therefore, i don't think he says bad things because he genuinely believes them, but because he's trying to make himself look better (that doesn't make it right, of course)

I think this quote from keating (during the marching scene) sums up his thought process pretty well:

he always wants to do the right thing (to clarify: not the morally right thing, what those around him have decided is right), to follow instructions correctly

(on a separate note, keating is a master at analysing his students for no reason)

in the end, I think at his core he just really wants the approval of others (those in authority above all) and acts accordingly to get it (including making himself agreeable to others)

I think that's why he still tries to justify his actions to the poets in the end: the approval of authority matters to him, but so does the approval of his friends (because I don't think he realised losing them would be a consequence, even a short-term one, of his actions)

feel free to add more or correct me!

[thedawningofthehour]

I don't know how you do the hurt/comfort so well in the book even though it is really messed up.

One example is the chapter 5 in the botanist portion. Specifically the eating the orange section and the “you know what my fathers work is.” hopefully I quote that correctly.

But when I am writing I can hurt but comfort is difficult. Like I feel like I do good with hurt no comfort fics. But I don't usually like those fics.

Ironically, that scene was supposed to have minimal angst lol, they were there so I could show Gale infodumping about plants and let Raph have a swim. Which is why I have Gale cut away when the conversation gets too heavy-that's not the purpose of the passage.

I think something a lot of people get hung up on is trying to do EVERYTHING. They want to acknowledge every injustice, represent every kind of person, explore the entirety of someone's character and trauma or whatever in one scene. (I could write a paper on the new trend of having eight-episode shows and allowing every plot point and character exactly two seconds of exposition because that's all the screentime they can get when the studio wants an epic told in the length of a novella and how this is affecting people's expectations for how storytelling should be done, but my oven timer just went off and I'm gonna eat soon) The thing you have to remember, nothing can be everything. You have to specialize at least a little bit or your ocean of storytelling becomes a wide puddle of meh.

One thing I ask myself is what is the goal here? What are the themes that I want to get across in this scene? Do they work with each other or is it jarring for the reader? What do you want the reader to take away from this? The scene in the first chapter where Draxum and Gale are doing Raph's intake exam, part of it's just exposition and me dumping background information and psuedo-science on the audience. But it's also meant to show how Draxum interacts with Raphael now that he's an ally, and show Raph how Draxum and Gale typically interact with each other. The scene with Gale taking out the explosive charge in Raph's collar is meant to highlight how very much Donnie Gale still is, how he isn't entirely obedient to Draxum and does what he does because he genuinely believes in what he's doing-and likewise, he doesn't believe Raph should be here if he doesn't believe in their goals.

The greenery scene is meant to show Raph's pre-conceived notions of who Draxum is being challenged. He sees Draxum as wholly evil, whose only goal is to do bad, like the villain of a cheap 80s Saturday morning cartoon. So far he's rejected every suggestion that Draxum has genuinely positive intentions and goals besides destruction, that might have a point even if he's going about it the wrong way. Seeing that Draxum grows fruit, that a major area of study for him is agriculture cultivation-food has traditionally been a symbol of life, peace, support, so the fact that Draxum is a horticulturist challenges the image of heartless, evil Draxum that Raph has built up in his head.

But at the same time, in the same place where he grows oranges lovingly cultivated to provide nutrition for the people who will consume them, there's poison meant to kill. It shows the depth of Draxum's intentions and the full breadth of his actions, that he wants to help life thrive but will not hesitate to take life if necessary. And Raph is also coming to terms with what he was created for, what his purpose in life was supposed to be and how he's playing into it now. He wasn't just a weapon, he was a sword meant to be wielded along with a shield. He was made to kill, and Raph doesn't agree with that-but he doesn't wholly disagree with the logic that led Draxum there. And he's very unnerved by that.

Another thing, the actual storytelling is definitely important but don't forget-it's secondary. Your real priority is manipulating the reader into feeling things against their will. You can have a completely shit story and get by if it's told entertainingly or if it made people cry. The most interesting plotline will still be a slog to get through if it's boring. You're trying to write like Donnie, but you gotta be a Leo first and foremost.

[hawkogurl]

Ok, I know I get on insomniac a lot because I think a lot of their writing is deeply flawed and I'll no doubt eventually end up critiquing this one scene that singlehandedly made Insom Harry go from "good!" to "fine" in terms of writing quality for me, but! I would like to sing the praises of one scene I think is genuinely really well executed to me.

Coney Island.

I know a lot of people see it in largely a ship lense, which is fine and valid, but there are so many aspects of it that I think make it go from good to great that I never see talked about. And "If nobody else is going to do it, I will" is basically my ecological niche in the harry community. So here I am.

As a general plot beat, it is perfectly timed as an early game moment before much of the main plot begins. I don't think it could work anywhere but there. Part of the reason it functions so well to me is because it is the calm before the storm: It is a very well done moment of quaint existence before the plot of the game, which, if done the best it could be, would leave this moment as a piece of normalcy the characters cannot ever truly return to.

I think what I mean by this will be more clear when I get into it more, but I also think the fact that it is specifically Coney Island. I don't think any other location in New York would work so damn well. Coney Island is pretty much a theme park, but it's also a theme park specifically made to draw off of the motifs and vibes of a carnival. Carnivals are normally brief events, most local ordinary carnivals will only last a couple weeks at absolute most. Coney Island is basically a permanent carnival, an indefinite version of an event normally designed to be brief by nature. I hope I don't need to get all flowery about how carnivals sort of cannot last by nature while Coney Island has made itself a permanent version of a normally ephemeral concept for my point to get across.

That's not the only reason I think the setting is so vital here. While Coney Island is itself the sort of thing kids and adults are both allowed to enjoy, the concept of amusement parks and carnivals as sources of entertainment are things that, especially in the modern age, are connected more heavily with kids as a demographic. It's the sort of thing that many people are going to consider childish or see as more of a nostalgic memento of their childhood. Connecting it with youth, nostalgia, and easier, more innocent parts of life experienced before adulthood is also pretty vital here. This is a point in the story very soon after Harry re-enters Peter's life. Harry, a person in his life who he was connected to most in his youth, particularly his high school and college years. While college itself is normally very much a part of adulthood, it is often still sort of viewed more closely with youth. If I recall correctly, Harry also disappeared from Peter's life at a point very close to Peter's more "official" transition to adulthood: leaving college and entering the workforce. Especially because Peter's arc in insomniac is in a lot of ways connected to adulthood and learning how to be an adult, I find that in this regard Harry can be a very effective symbol for youth and parts of Peter's life he might be nostalgic for before the constant stress that being a self sufficient adult brings.

I could probably get a lot into how a lot of my favorite moments of Insom Harry's writing as a character are moments where he functions as a symbol. I swear to god its a good thing.

Getting back on point, while their emotions are very much a lot more complex than that, the moment of nostalgia and normalcy that this story beat provides something very useful. If Harry gets to symbolize youth and Peter's (and MJ, I have a lot to say about her) want for a more normal, quaint life his responsibilities as Spider-Man--and as an adult--mean he can't have, you're having a moment where the personification of Peter's nostalgia for simpler times brings him and MJ to a location that represents childhood and youth to experience the sort of normal, stress free life they will never be able to live. But I think on a mental level, MJ and Peter engage with this moment in a very different way than Harry.

MJ had a more chaotic childhood than Peter or Harry did. In the sort of spectrum between the three I am about to try and express, I think that fact is important to remember. Part of the reason she can handle Peter well as a romantic partner is because she has been used to instability and chaos since she was a kid, her father and the numerous issues that plagued her household basically training her to be able to handle the instability that Peter will always bring to her life. Even if I don't doubt that for her, Peter is very representative of freedom from that and the sense of peace and power that adulthood has given her, being away from her unstable childhood and having the power adulthood brings to choose what chaos she's going to allow in her life, Spider-Man still causes instability in her life. Her complicated feelings on this aren't really something I have time for in this post but... *motions to Scream*. With that being said, if it isn't already super clear I have a lot of love for what Harry symbolizes here, Harry still is very much connected to the parts of her childhood that WERE good. Being her friend and disconnected from her family, for her there's no doubt a massive connection between him and the pieces of that time that were peaceful and that she can look back fondly on. She isn't immune here. But she's also got a much lighter tint on her rose-colored glasses: I think she does want normalcy and that she does wish for simpler times like that, but I also think that how many painful times were associated with her youth have done a lot to make sure her nostalgia can't overcome her. She is the person here best equipped to know that things were not as great as the three of them want to think they were before they became fully realized adults. And I don't think she'd be willing to give up the life she's built if it meant she could have something peaceful. She knows that things weren't as great as nostalgia paints them and she made her choices as to what she wants in adulthood, as rough as they might often be. I don't think she'd give that up for the world.

It should be obvious Peter is the middle point here. Much of his arc is symbolic of coming of age, adulthood, and maturing. His character beats often include things that either draw on the imagery of or are metaphors for various aspects of maturing and becoming an independent adult. But this is only the second game out of what seems like will be three, and very early on at that. Peter has experienced the disillusionment of realizing idols and mentors will often fail him and the loss of innocence that comes with losing May, his parent, something that I like to see as symbolic of becoming truly independent as an adult--especially because he had to make that choice himself, out of maturity rather than the childishness of trying to cling to her. But many of those beats are very painful: becoming an adult is in a lot of ways, it can feel like losing a lot of yourself to let go of childhood. He's on the path there, but he's at a point where a lot of him resents that. Spider-Man is responsibility, is maturity, is adulthood. He has matured enough to know he can't reject it, to know the consequences it would bring, but he would yearn to live a normal life--feel that nostalgia for simpler and more peaceful times--much more than MJ does. When he looks back on times without Spider-Man, on his youth, most of the painful and hard times are going to be connected with Spider-Man, our metaphor for adulthood here, rather than his youth itself while MJ's painful memories are far more connected to childhood itself. MJ feels pain towards childhood and sees being an adult as freedom from that. Peter sees adulthood as painful and sees youth and nostalgia as his potential freedom from that

As I have no doubt nailed into your heads, Harry and Coney Island are both heavily symbolic of just that. Harry comes back into his life when the weights of Spider-Man are at their worst and when he would be wishing he could have normalcy more than anything. Peter knows that he can't have it. He's much more resentful of that fact than MJ is, but he does know. And as much as he knows that, he is repeatedly and constantly attracted to parts of his life he feels like will give him that. MJ seems to see this moment as a briefer indulgence, much like most people would see any sort of weekend lapse from the stresses of life. She is happy to have those on occasion, as a treat if you will, to bring her joy. Peter knows he cannot have it forever, but he hasn't accepted that he can't ever go back to that place, so much of the early game, especially moments with Harry, shows Peter seeming to chase after moments of nostalgia and normalcy as a method of running from the fact he can't go back. I think if it was best executed, the plot would have resolved with something relating to that very idea: It's hard, it's painful, it's never going to be easy, but you can't go back, and maybe the things you yearn for aren't as perfect as you remember them.

So MJ has accepted and come to terms with her metaphorical adulthood, Peter is on the path to accepting it but still yearns for and chases it, so what is Harry? Well, where is he in this moment in a narrative sense? Prior to his time in stasis waiting for a cure, assuming my memory serves me correctly, Harry hadn't actually experienced all that much independent adulthood. And what adulthood he had experienced was, when not plagued by the stressors of his terminal illness, also tethered to his rich father. I think enough people have dissected the weird writing of billionaires in insomniac games, but I think there's still an argument I could make about the fact that having the amount of money the Osborn's do can serve as a sort of barrier from the earliest, most stressful, and most rapidly maturing aspects of early adulthood. I don't intend to discredit the stress of chronic illness whatsoever, but a lot of aspects of Harry's life would delay much of the development that happens in a person emotionally in early adulthood without even getting into the two years he lost. I do think we need to remember Harry is a grown, adult man, considering that my least favorite moment in the game is a sudden moment in which they write Harry to not behave like an adult man when he was not established to behave like that, but that is off topic. Harry has been deprived of a lot of the normal experiences of youth and early adulthood by chronic illness, his father's sheltering, etc, but has had the experiences of early adulthood diluted enough that he can't entirely see that the way he thinks of things is unrealistic and overly idealized. While he very much behaves like an adult, a lot of his optimistic view of things can read as somewhat childish in a way.

All that to say that in the sliding scale of MJ-Peter-Harry, Harry has lost so much of his chance to experience a normal life and has lacked the normal maturing experiences most people have enough that he wants the normalcy and nostalgia ridden ideals of life that MJ and Peter yearn for, seeing regular life with the same rose colored glasses Peter does, but unlike Peter, still thinking he can achieve that. Peter and MJ are, at least in some capacity, aware of the fact they can't ever go to the place they yearn for and it would be hopeless to try--but Harry doesn't think like that. And alongside that, MJ and Peter all will, by nature, have a better relationship with that ideal because they both, in some regard, got to choose the parts of their lives that are chaotic and painful. Harry lost a lot of his youth to chronic illness in many regards and then lost more of it to Norman's hollow, desperate promise he could cure him if he was willing to give even more time up. MJ and Peter chose the chaos of Spider-Man, each in different ways, while Harry doesn't get to choose the chaos that terminal illness brings. The combination of that barrier from maturing experiences, idealism, and the fact he never got to choose result in the fact that Harry will pursue his ideal and is willing to give up so much more than MJ or Peter to achieve it, to "heal the world" and achieve that existence because he never got to choose that. And hell, because it's terminal illness, it would cut his life short if he wasn't willing. MJ and Peter will always have the reassurance of the existence of the rest of their lives being waiting. For them, normalcy gets to be an indulgence, something they only get to partake in on occasion, while Harry wants that to be their norm and is willing to pursue that with his everything. They are, even if it's more complicated than that, willing to let it be the exception and not the rule, while Harry wants it to be the rule and assumes they want the same.

As I referred to prior, this moment gets to be the calm before the storm, a moment symbolic of those mentalities and how the characters interact with that theme in the other moments I think are best executed. Peter slowly walks the path to accepting that he can't go back and reconciles his adulthood, while Harry consistently clings to it. Hell, a lot of my favorite uses of Harry are uses where I really get to see the value he brings narratively as a symbol. I think, if they couldn't commit more fully to his character in relation to chronic illness and venom and let go of the pieces of his character they've already written out, they should have committed to this idea. Hell, in an ideal world I would get both. And I know it conceptually sounds off putting, but I swear that Harry functioning as largely a symbol more than a character is actually a really good thing and really good for his character as it stands, that's not an insult. I am genuinely enthusiastic about that idea.

[guppygiggles]

Like Real People Do, Part 3! ♡ (Casper x Avery)

☁️ Summary: Avery explains where he's from and why he lives in the lighthouse. Casper takes Avery to the fair. Things get a bit more interesting between them.

☁️ Warnings: Very mild suggestive language, mild emotional scene, Real Actual Tickling™ This is a series now!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 *you are here

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

If you just got here and want to know more about my characters, you can read my comic starting right here!

"Wait, what? If you can do that, why didn't you do it when we met? Weren't you afraid I'd freak out?"

"Well... it takes a lot of energy, and it's not something I can do at the drop of a hat, either. It takes time to spin up. It also wears off after about an hour," he explained, pausing for a moment to take a sip of his drink, "and, yes... I was afraid you would freak out, but I also didn't know how long you would be unconscious. You were out for about twelve hours... I can't hold it for that long."

Avery shifted pensively on the couch, his eyes not meeting mine. My heart sank. He'd only been in my apartment for half an hour, and I had already upset him.

"Look, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. Please don't feel pressured to agree, okay? I won't be upset. We can do something else."

"Please don't misunderstand. I really want to go! I've admired the Ferris wheel from my lighthouse many nights; I've always wanted to see it up close. It's just that, I've never been around that many humans at once before. I'm concerned I won't... behave correctly. Casper, I... I don't want to get you in trouble, or embarrass you."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. I had to admit, it did make sense for a man whose only social interactions were Internet-based to be concerned about his first social outing. I just couldn't believe he was worried about embarrassing me. I shook my head, snorting.

"Dude, there's nothing you could do that would embarrass me, I am so cringe already on my own. As far as getting me in trouble, eh. I've been in trouble before," I said, smirking coolly. That was a lie. I was a total goody-goody who'd never gotten so much as a speeding ticket, but I was willing to risk it for him.

Avery chuckled uncomfortably. He still would not look at me. "So have I."

My eyes widened.

"Holy shit, like, with the law? Avery, you? What did you do?" It was hard to imagine this straight-laced man, in his neat little button-down and slacks, had done anything wrong in his life, much less run into legal trouble.

Avery looked down at his hands, then inhaled deeply. "To answer that, I think it would be appropriate to first explain why I'm here, living in that abandoned lighthouse, in the first place.

"I am from a place called Cirropa, way up in the mesosphere: The highest level of the atmosphere where clouds can still form. Your scientists think that noctilucent clouds are the only type that form there -- that isn't true. Above that layer is where sentient variants, like myself, are born. We just aren't detectable by human technology at that altitude. When you see noctilucent clouds, you are really just seeing the "floor" of Cirropa," he explained.

"Though clouds can't die of illness, pollution can still make us sick, just like it makes you sick. It also prevents new clouds from being born; sentient and mundane alike. A little is tolerable, but too much has a major impact on clouds as a whole. Your industrial revolution in the 1700s had such a deleterious effect on our population that we are now on the verge of extinction: That is why I'm here. I research weather patterns and pollution relief strategies, and collect data that your scientists don't have the technology to obtain, then anonymously provide it to organizations that are trying to enact change. I wanted to ensure that currency would never be a barrier for entry in terms of obtaining my services, because for me, the situation is quite literally life-and-death. So, I do it for free.

I don't often have need for physical things, but when I do, I steal them. Books, clothes, parts to maintain the devices I use to collect data, et cetera. I never take anything I don't need, including food -- I only know that I can eat food because I have occasionally found wild berries and such while conducting research, and, well... I'm a curious fellow."

He brightened a bit, to my great relief, then continued, "Despite the pollution and damage you cause, I still find humans endearing and fascinating. I know you are not all the same, and I feel true sorrow for those who are suffering like we are. The work I do is for them, too. But yes, I have been caught stealing before; I've even been chased by your authorities once or twice! I try not to steal from local businesses when I can avoid it, though. I don't want to hurt small shop-owners with families to feed. Robbing big-box stores is more dangerous, since it's easier to get cau- Casper, are you okay?"

When Avery finally looked at me, my eyes were glassy with tears that I was fighting to prevent from rolling down my cheeks. I hated crying in front of other people, but when I got emotional, it was impossible to hide -- my face flushed when I cried, too. Quickly, I turned into my shoulder and rubbed my tears on my sleeve. He was just so compassionate. My species was destroying his, yet he still held such tender curiosity and empathy for us; he still wanted to be there in my apartment, spending time with me. What could I say to that?

"Avery... whatever you need, just ask me, okay? I'll give you my phone number."

"Casper, I couldn't possibly-"

"Yes, you could. I'm not rich, obviously... but I make enough money. The work you are doing is so important, more important than anything I've ever done. I can't bear the thought of you putting yourself at risk when I can do something about it... especially since I literally owe you my life. I would have drowned yesterday if not for you. Please?" I implored from across the coffee table, my hands fidgeting in my lap.

Avery fidgeted a bit, himself, looking out the window for a moment.

"Alright, dewdrop. If you insist," he relented, smiling a little now.

"Yesss! Here's my number." He typed it into his phone, then gave me his. "So... we got a little off track. Do you still want to go to the fair? Like I said, no hard feelings if not."

He perked up again, his big smile a salve for my aching heart. "Yes!"

"Cool, let's do this transformation thing."

+++

"Erm. Could you turn around? I've never had someone watch me do this before," Avery asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, yeah, of course."

I spun around, facing the kitchen. From behind me, he took a deep breath.

"Remember, once I'm transformed, we have one hour. Okay?"

"Got it, no problem. The fairgrounds are a short walk away, and I'll set a timer on my phone."

"Okay."

First, there was silence. Then, a sound like crackling fireworks, which grew progressively louder until it was so loud, I was concerned my neighbor might hear it. In the blurry microwave window, I could see flashes of light, followed by the faint chlorine-like scent of ozone. The microwave clock informed me that this went on for three minutes, during which time the urge to peek was nigh-unbearable, but I stayed put. Then, there was silence again. After what felt like ages, Avery spoke, "Okay, you can turn around now."

I whirled, instantly catching my breath.

His face was essentially the same, but his puffy head shape had been compacted into that of a human skull, the top of which erupted in a cloud of fluffy, curly white hair. Peeking out from his curls I spied two delicate ears, and his previously white irises were now a playful cerulean, glimmering above his round, cherub-like cheeks. It took me a moment to realize my mouth was open, and close it.

"Do I look human?" He asked.

Avery didn't look human at all, he looked like an archangel, perhaps even a god in this form. 'Celestial' was the only word that seemed appropriate to describe his beauty, and yet... I felt a pang of regret. Though I was excited to take him to the fair, and I accepted this as the only way he could attend... I already missed his cloud form, and the soft, elegant curves of his real head.

So distracted was I, that I forgot to temper my response.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen," I said, and in my heart I knew that I wasn't just talking about his face.

Avery flushed, and despite his human countenance, his blush was still blue.

+++

The glowing arc of the Ferris wheel grew larger as we approached, LED lights illuminating it in a rainbow of colors. It was a Monday night, and I noticed approvingly that the crowd had thinned considerably from the mass of patrons I had seen on weekends prior. As we walked under the colorful welcome awning, the aroma of popcorn, frying oil, and spun sugar engulfed us. The night was warm, and as I looked at Avery, his blue eyes reflecting the many lights looked like a sea of stars.

"What would you like to do, first? If you don't know, I'm happy to lead on," I offered.

"Oh, I'm so excited to ride the Ferris wheel, aren't you?"

I had been on Ferris wheels plenty of times in the past, but I had never been so excited to ride one as I was right then.

There was a short line for the attraction. I bought our tickets and we climbed into the colorful metal cart, which I noticed with delight was painted with a cheeful cloud motif. Unlike other Ferris wheels I had been on, this one had old-fashioned style carts with a single seat and an open top. I climbed in, and as Avery sat beside me, my heart fluttered nervously as his hip pressed against mine. The gate closed and we were off.

Though the night was warm, a gentle breeze caressed us as we ascended to the top of the wheel. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply the heady bouquet of food, sea and ride machinery. After a moment, I turned to Avery.

"Aren't you able to fly much higher than this thing can go?" I joked.

"Well, yes, but... it's nice to rest and take it all in, you know? Flying is fun, and freeing, true enough... but it can be tiring as well," he said, alabaster curls spilling over his shoulders as he looked up at the stars. Recalling how it felt to ride my skateboard, I could relate.

An unexpected sound broke my reverie.

"Hehe, stop it!" a female voice cried from below us.

I looked down, where two women were cuddled together in the next cart, seemingly on a date. Like Avery and I, they were pressed together in the confined space of the cart, and it seemed one of them was taking advantage of the other's immobility. I watched with a cocktail of elation and horror as she squeezed her partner's sides and scribbled fingertips on her kneecaps, making her squeal with laughter.

"Whatever they're doing down there sounds like fun," said Avery, elbowing me playfully. His nudge to my sensitive ribs sent a shockwave through my whole body, and it was all I could do to endure it without jumping, petrified to tip him off.

"I am going to DIE. How does this keep happening?!" I thought, feeling in that moment as though I were a character in the story of a tickle-obsessed blogger.

"H-haha, yeah, I think they're on a date," I choked.

"Are we on a date, too?" asked Avery, his innocent eyes now trained on me.

Sweat broke out along my hairline, my palms slick as I gripped the lap bar, my heart pumping like an engine piston. In my panic, my internal monologue rang out.

"Say something, quick! If you take too long to answer, it might make things awkward!"

"What do I say! What if I say it's a date and it makes him uncomfortable!"

"What if you say it isn't and he's crushed because he feels the same way you do!"

"BOTH OF THESE OPTIONS SUCK!"

"Do you want us to be?" I asked, summoning all of my courage to look him in the face. Even with his altered visage, behind those eyes, it was still him. There was no going back, now. Whatever he said was going to mean something for our relationship... whatever kind of relationship it was going to be.

"Hehe, well, I... I'll admit, I'm... I'm quite fond of you. But, I've never done this before, especially not with a human. I want to keep going, but, do you think we can take it slow? Isn't that... what real people do?"

"Avery, we can take this at whatever pace you want. I've got nothing but time, and I'm not going anywhere. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for," I replied, trying to hide my breathlessness. "And, for the record... I'm quite fond of you, too, cloudboy."

Avery flashed me his signature grin, making me melt like a snowcone in July.

"Then, it's a date."

He shifted a bit. Then he gently leaned his body against mine, and as he did, my heart soared like a kite off its string.

[starlightbelle]

Fic Writer Interview

Wow thanks so much for tagging me @whileyoureinschoolidothisallday ! This looked like fun!!

-- How many works do you have on AO3?

9 currently

-- What's your total AO3 word count?

6,734! I’m still just getting started lol 😅

-- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Here’s to Not Being in Love (92)

Smile (38)

Mime (18)

Family (15)

Calico Road (15)

(Smile, Mime, and Family are all from my Corazon Week submissions 😊)

-- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I appreciate anyone taking the time to read my work and leaving a comment??? Bless 🙏🏼 Sometimes I’m a little late replying but I always make an effort to reply whenever possible!

-- What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

All of my Corazon Week fics are pretty angsty. They’re canon-compliant so the angst comes with the territory 😢

-- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

A Kyros/Scarlett anniversary fic I’ve had written for months but haven’t shared yet. That’s probably the fluffiest ending I’ve written to a fic that’s actually completed

-- Do you write crossovers?

I haven’t…but I’m not opposed

-- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no 😅

-- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. Not my thing.

-- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

-- Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but if anyone wanted to and asked that would be such an honor!

-- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not exactly. But my sister and I have collaborated on brainstorming a couple ideas

-- What’s your all-time favorite ship?

✨ me x my fave ✨

Lol jk but I’m not sure… I’ll go with a classic Belle/Adam from Beauty and the Beast.

-- What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I had a Loki/Sigyn fic I was writing years ago with my own concept for Sigyn’s characterization. It was fun but I don’t have much prolonged interest in the MCU anymore so I don’t know if I’ll get back in the mindset to continue it. Who knows, though? Maybe someday 😅

-- What are your writing strengths?

All aspects of a scene need to be balanced in order to craft a good story, in my personal opinion. I work very hard to write realistic dialogue and in-character actions. I really think I have a knack for characterization.

-- What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing lengthier WIPs, despite all the best intentions 😅

-- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Nuanced. It can be done correctly or incorrectly imo. I think it can be a wonderful way to express a more about a character, like using terms of endearment in the character’s native tongue, for example.

-- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

To my recollection either Kim Possible or The Incredibles when I was little. I didn’t really refer to it as “fanfic” back in the day, though

-- What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

For My Hero, I really want to write a dynamic between Toshinori and Moko Tamashi (the last woman All Might saved) not necessarily romantic; I haven’t decided on a direction for that one, only that I want them to interact.

For One Piece, I also want to write something for Sanji and Osome (the woman from Wano with the little mouse friend) — they were so cute and I liked her a lot!

Both of these are self-indulgent bc it’s one of my favorite characters and an underrated background character lol

-- What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I honestly don’t think I can choose a favorite, because all my fics are very special to me. Each one contains a piece of my soul so it makes it very difficult to pick just one. 😅

This was so fun! I'll tag a few other writers!

@balsee @gendervapor14 @forgedobsidian @plusultraetc @captainportgasdace @shaanks @dark-elf-writes @misslovasstuff and anyone else who wants to!! No pressure if you don't feel like participating! :D

[justajsworkshop]

i think a topic i'd love to hear more about is something you wrote about before - the concept of not forcing yourself to imagine. why do you think people force themselves? i think it may be the pressure to change the 3d. have you ever been in that position? what do you think is the remedy to it?

oh, yeah. for sure! so, by the nature of existence, we can't really say what other people's experiences are like—only how we individually experience reality. this is something i'm working on curbing myself because i tend to veer into "we" territory since i was used to using that in my old coaching space.

so while i can't speak for what other people's experiencing of themselves and reality is like, i can definitely speak to my own! and if what i say resonates for you (whoever is reading this), then feel free to take this for a bit of your own self-reflection.

for the sake of simplicity and clarity, i'm going to use the term "to imagine" as a blanket term for affirming, visualizing, or any other use of awareness to experience yourself differently.

whenever i forced myself to imagine, the forcefulness was stemming from two main causes:

(1) because i saw the "use" of imagination as a means to an end. i thought i "had" to imagine in order to receive my desire. imagination was the process/requirement to fulfill, and my fulfillment was conditional upon it. this perspective inherently implies separation between me and my desire because imagination is what "fills in the gap."

as a result, i often imagined from a place of "i am not that which i desire to be, and i have to do this to get what i want." so, i was pushing myself to do this thing, with an underlying fear of nonfulfillment as the foundation for this imaginal act. so, even if i was exhausting myself to death affirming or visualizing, i was convicted of being a self who was not what i desired to be. so, you can guess what manifested: nonfulfillment. it was a perfect manifestation of who i said i was: a person who doesn't have what they want.

(2) i trusted my "efforting" more than my being. this is understandable because of all our conditioning and blah, blah, blah. but i don't want to give that too much credit or it gets easy to use as a crutch. i thought that success (i.e., fulfillment) was dependent on how hard i tried. so, i would be obsessing over every detail in an imaginal scene or getting it just right and perfecting the fuck out of it, which, of course, was not fun whatsoever.

i was caught up in my ego around my performance because i saw my fulfillment conditional upon how well i executed this imaginal act (the detail of visualization, how much i affirmed, the hours of saturation, etc.). when you perceive fulfillment as conditional upon your doing/efforting, then you set yourself up to be, well, really tired. lbr. because you're always going to be asking yourself "was it enough? did i try hard enough? did i work hard enough? did i affirm enough? saturate long enough? do it right?"

so, once again, i created a gap between fulfillment and nonfulfillment, and imagination, specifically the "correct" use of it according to an authority other than myself, was what i needed to be fulfilled. then, i'd look to the physical world (seeing it as separate from me) to validate that i had "done it right" by showing me the evidence of my fulfillment (i.e., did i get my shit yet in the 3D????). and this just created a never-ending loop of trying harder and harder to imagine "correctly", then not getting my desired external result because i was still convicted of being a person who was unfulfilled. cue: serious burnout.

and this is why i'm always talking about unity and understanding yourself as god/being in perfect unity with ALL things, including your desired experience. because seeing that fulfillment just is and that i'm already one with it, all it takes is me choosing it, has brought so much fun, ecstasy, and joy back to the experience of being again.

when i imagine, i'm not doing it from an assumption of nonfulfillment. i'm choosing my desired end and giving it to myself. every affirmation/visualization is me giving myself what i want. it's me saying yes to the perfect and total fulfillment i already am.

tom's video yesterday mentioned the distinction between a desire and desiring. there's nothing wrong with having a desire because if you have a desire, you just fulfill it by choosing it. they're one in the same. but if you're desiring, you're perceiving yourself as separate from that which you want, so ofc you're gonna push yourself to do all these processes and techniques thinking you have to in order to be fulfilled.

so, again, people can come into my inbox all they want and say "i know i am god, but—" and i know instantly that you don't actually understand what that means. because if you did, there's no "but" after that statement since god is literally EVERYTHING. how can there be a "but" to everything? to all that is?? to the absolute?? god just IS; god is all of existence itself. there's no "exception" that can ever be applicable here, so you're just quoting scripture back at me to justify your limitations. weird flex, but ok??

and this is why i'm always saying the first principle of manifestation is "be still, and know that i am god." and if it just sounds like WORDS to you or an intellectual concept, then you need to reflecting inwardly and ask yourself "who am i?" get curious until you see for yourself. set the intention to have your "aha" moment or to receive the explanation in a way that resonates with you if that phrasing doesn't do it.

otherwise, your fulfillment is always going to be/feel conditional upon a technique, method, process, or performance, and you're forcing yourself to do all this shit fearing you're not going to get what you want the whole time... and as edward art said, fear is just the misuse of imagination. guess what manifests!! because we're god all the time, whether we're conscious of it or not. so you being convicted of being someone who isn't fulfilled is just going to give you more nonfulfillment because you are reality; there is no separation.

[calamitaswrath]

Lucia plays Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn: Chapter 10

So, we're already at the endgame of this first part. I think I mentioned it before, but on the one hand, I found it really interesting how in terms of both setup and general structure, this part really strongly mirrors the story of Path of Radiance - evil kingdom(/empire) invades, plucky small hero group fights against them and all odds, and they help the hidden, long-lost heir to the throne get into power. They even have a chapter where they attack a prison to bolster their ranks! But the fact that this is all just setup for the rest of the game really feels like it kind of hurts this new cast, who I feel were really rather rushed through their story without really being given the chance to be properly developed. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. . .

To leave that tangent somewhat relevant, though: Jarod really is no Ashnard, even if he is the final boss of this arc. I guess if you wanna read into this a bit deeper, you could say that this parallel wants to show that Ashnard and everything he did is just a petty squabble compared to what else is to come in this game?

. . .Huh, Izuka actually making a good point for once. Micaiah really has been getting far more renown from everything she has done, leaving Pelleas a bit on the wayside. Speaking of him - I'm still not quite sure what his deal is. Like, with him as a person. He recognized Micaiah being a branded, but what does that mean for him and did he even really recognize her?

Pelleas is even having some trouble with his speech like Elincia did in the last game. Parallels are strong in this one.

Base conversations! . . .God, I still feel bad for not really using Fiona. By all rights, she should be an important and strong character, but. . . yeah. And she's even giving me a Thani, when my current one's not even close to breaking yet. . .

Volug can talk?! . . .But only the ancient language, lol. But he's giving me money (or, well, a blue gem, but same thing) so that's neat.

You know, if nothing else, then I have to admire Jarod for sticking to what he believes in, and having a realistic outlook of his position. Dude's a shithead, but at least one who's honest in his own twisted way.

Ha, a proper coronation scene for Pelleas in-engine. That's neat. And if I see this correctly, then Almedha has an overworld model? Inch resting. . .

Micaiah's getting a promotion from the rightful heir to the throne that she has been helping all this time. The parallels sure are paralleling here.

But ahhh, her Light Sage outfit is super cute and pretty!

Aaand I knew this was coming, but it's still sad to see - our farewells to Muarim, Tormod, Nailah, Rafiel, and last but absolutely not least, Vika. The interactions between Sothe and Tormod, though. . . man, I really do need to read up on whether or not those two had any supports in PoR. They have chemistry.

But yeah, Laguz racism is still a thing. No wonder there, considering that Gallia played a big role in Daein's defeat.

Hm. You know, between it being a thing that's intrinsic to who you are, but also something that you wouldn't be able to tell at a glance of somebody and being something that makes you fit in with neither Laguz nor Beorc - being a Branded really does work as a stand-in for being queer, no? Anyway, trans Micaiah headcanon I'd say.

Speaking of her, that branded sign is absolutely sick. Depending on how much I like her and the game overall, that might be worth an idea for a tatoo one day. . . idk, just throwing random thoughts out. Who knows if I ever really want that.

Also speaking of Micaiah - I have already been wondering about her heritage! I sadly did already get spoiled and heard that she is Sanaki's half-sister, but I know literally no context on that. Which parent does she share with Sanaki, and what kind of Laguz her Laguz parent was. . . I really have no idea.

MICAIAH INSISTING THAT SHE'LL VISIT VIKA IN THE DESERT!! I was fully prepared to have their base conversation being the only interaction the two of them have, but AHHH THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO SEE

Oh, Volug's staying with Micaiah and the others after all! That's nice.

lol @ Sothe getting pecked by Yune. These games are really not for people who do not like birds.

I didn't actually deploy the Black Knight on this chapter because I figured he'd just steal experience from units who need it more. But I'll also read up on the conversations that I missed on this map, because I am Curious™.

Oh, Jarod's conversation with the Black Knight is gold. "What inspired you to slooooowly clank your way up out of your grave?" - yeah that's just how armoured units are in this game. But also, Jarod actually wanting to avenge Alder's death. . .

Not much there in the other conversations with the Black Knight. Him talking about how Micaiah reminds him of someone. . . did he know her mother, by chance? Or. . . nah, that probably can't be, since Micaiah is apparently far older than she seems. Sanaki then?

[thesoulesscollection]

(Request) Keep Me Stable

Request: I have a request, could you do one with Reg & Carol right after Rhm was defeated and then a timeskip to after he's even given his cybernetics. CopperRight

Maybe not my best work but I enjoyed writing it and I hope you feel the same while reading it. 

Blood. So much. It fills his vision. Reginald felt sick to his stomach. 

"... Oh, shit…" When he hears another voice, familiar, though he could barely hear it as he struggled to breath. "... Regi-?" 

Everything is stained with blood. The floor, walls, even the ceiling up above. Reginald didn't want to think where else it laid as he stumbled back. 

He was shell shocked by the entire ordeal. How can he not be?

His long-term partner, his soulmate, is left in critical condition. A man he loved dear to his heart, he can't be left alone like this, was left for dead, torn apart at the seams, and is now clinging onto life. 

"Reginald" Again he hears her elegant voice, more clearer than the last, deeply soothing, able to command the room, it puts him at ease. "Please, stay with me" 

A firm hand grips his shoulder, she jerks him from the horrible scene into a separate room so he can only focus on her. Throughout he can barely hear her voice coming in one ear out the other, as his vision is a dizzying blur, mind left in an unfocused mush. Until a very concerned Carol is in view. 

"He. H-he's�� Rig-" That's when Reginald breaks, speaking incoherently. 

"I know. I know" She whispers so no one else can hear them. "We got him. They're taking good care of him as we speak" 

When attempting to turn his head to look if they were indeed doing what she says, Carol tenderly cups his head he instinctively leans in. 

"He's going to be fine. I know it and so do you" She went to reassure, wiping the tears away. Buried in the back of his mind, he's embarrassed for showing weakness. For being such a coward. He can't even do his title as a leader correctly without almost killing his right hand. 

"H-how. How can you be so sure?" 

Reginald heaves, broken sobs choked back, hunched over, palpitations in his chest, any moment it could either sway in or out of their favor. Death like always would be around that corner now, eager, ready to steal his love from him in an underhanded swoop. 

"I know so. He's tough" Hesitant to believe her is a severe understatement, Reginald fought to not cry. "He won't dare leave your side" 

***

They've been close friends, considering one another as family for years Carol could tell something was up. When she entered his office she saw the man, exhausted, heavy bags under his eyes, and laying his head, messy hair askew, down on the dark oak desk. 

"He's going to be alright, Reginald" She said in a low, calming tone as if she read his mind.  

"I know he will, Carol... He's in stable enough condition after the surgery" As she moves to sit next to him, he shrugs his shoulders. "But I worry" 

"You're allowed to. We didn't think he'll make it but the doctor did her work well" 

Reginald sat up in his seat, nowhere close to reassured, thin fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, "She did. Forever grateful for her work. Nonetheless I regret my choice"

"Why though? He's alive. Doing better then he's done before"

"I know, Carol, dear, I know. What will he say when he wakes up and sees how much he'd changed. I can't bear the idea. Everything will be different" 

"Do you think he would be mad at you? For me, I think he'll be more than grateful" 

They sat in silence together where Reginald balls then unclenched his fists on his lap. "I really hope so. I only want to do what's best for him" 

"You are. He's going to be fine" 

[iniziare]

✵ blade for kafka ofc ;)

Prompt: Send ✵ and my muse will answer // @daybreakrising

Their first impression of your muse: I firmly believe that there was an element of empathy, one for an equal. And the reason I say this, is because of what always stuck out to me with these two 'meeting' for the first time: the fact that she didn't just stick to trying to calm him down with her Spirit Whisper in a more general sense (which she does twice), but she later on and not immediately, targets his mara directly when she says "Listen, don't think about anything at all." That to me, is the first time that she speaks to 'the monster inside' (as thoughts and memories are actively and intricately tied to the resurgence of the mara), without, I don't think, particularly needing to do so as of yet. Nothing seems to inherently indicate that Blade was violent in that moment or on the verge of madness (it seems as though the mara was at bay still as he just woke up), so I think that this is a sign of Kafka's own choice towards him. It's one of soothing, it's one that gives him peace— which isn't a thing done for one you don't have a semblance of 'I feel bad for', towards. But it's not just that, either. It's the fact that she uses words like 'I don't want to' before she tries to still him, the fact that she walks to his side afterwards and not in front of him, and the fact that he bears witness, on some level, to an authentic moment of herself, despite being a very controlled individual. The fact that all occurred around Blade, tells me that one of her first impressions of him was of a man who'd suffered, and suffered still, and she offered him peace. Ergo, empathy.

Current impression: I spoke of trust and faith in terms of Elio, but there is one person that defies those levels, and that's Blade. They've been side by side for much too long for that to be anything less or even anything different, and this is a hill I will quite frankly die on, revive, only to die on it again. And all I need to prove my point (I know that you know what I'll link to), is this moment, even if that's far from the only one. Kafka may lack fear, but she is not a reckless woman, nor does she lack any level of intelligence, she wouldn't throw herself off anything if she didn't know whether she would live. In this scene, Kafka lets herself fall off the side of the building, because she knows someone will catch her. Because she knows Blade will catch her, because guess who can't die? Blade. And the reason this is most evident to me, is because she spreads her arms as to catch the most wind so her fall is slowed, so that he has time to dive (as we see him do), breaking through the air as to reach her. Kafka knows that he'll succeed, and that is rooted in an incredibly deep sense of trust, I'd go as far as to say it's unparalleled, and I think that speaks magnitudes to the level of understanding that they have. Outside of that, at some point, Blade became more than just her partner in work, Blade became a partner in... life, in all aspects of it, to a point where any endeavor without him feels ill-fitting.

Are they attracted to your muse? Yes, and I don't just think in our little belief system, either. I think that Blade plays perfectly into what draws a woman like Kafka in (madness aside for a moment), through sheer disposition and physicality. But I think that's not really surprising or much of a revelation. But that attraction could just exist without getting enriched by any level of longing or affection. But, well, that line definitely got crossed, so I can add a bit more to this: but yes she is. There are numerous traits that she gets to see in ways that others don't, such as his dominance, that all-encompassing nature rooted in passion of Yingxing (do I remember correctly?) that seems to persist avidly in Blade when caught within that infinitely more intimate dynamic, the manners, the restraint that is so difficult to keep lodged within the palm of a hand, and so it's just little touches— all of these things play into such attraction. She is like a moth drawn to a flame that never burns her, but serves to warm her each time that she draws near; he's almost addicting and yet he's not an addiction. Also yes, I fully realize I went entirely off-topic but she took the reigns and absolutely went with it, I don't cross her.

Something they find frightening about your muse: I don't need to elaborate on how 'frightening' isn't quite fitting, but something she actively looks at with anguish in some way? His goal within the Stellaron Hunters: his wish to die, to find peace. It's something that she's... I don't know if 'come to understand' is quite fitting, but she hears it, she knows it, she'll stroke her fingers through his hair in the morning, knowing that she might not be able to do it until the end of her days. That's what she anticipates, as much as she's... able to anticipate such a thing.

Something they find adorable about your muse: The way he seems to humor her in all things mundane and seemingly trivial. The way he'll try sweets that she'll bring or would have asked SW to bring back for her from Penacony or wherever else, the way he might join her to the cinema and watch a film that might even be so corny, that his eyes could roll all the way back into his skull. Just, the fact he seems to do things because she asks him to; don't think she doesn't notice, Bladie.

Would my muse sacrifice themselves for yours? Correct me if wrong, but I think he wouldn't allow her to in his current state. And to be fair, I also don't think she, practically, would as things stand now. Not because she wouldn't want to, but because it would be stupid to, for her death would be permanent while his wouldn't be. But if the tides were even? Yes, she would.

Would my muse go on a date with yours (platonic/romantic)? She already has, and on multiple occasions (both platonically and romantically). Although, the latter only as of much more recently— even if maybe on a rare occasion, a past platonic outing might have touched on something a little more intimate.

One word my muse would use to describe yours: All-encompassing.

Would my muse slap yours if they could? A lady who harbors some level of romantic feelings for a man would absolutely never do such a thing.

Would my muse hug/kiss yours? Yes to both, but especially the latter. But when it comes to the former, it's not really much of her thing, and it's really mostly in a receptive manner. With which I mean she enjoys the lingering sort of 'embrace', whether it's an arm around her while walking, or an arm around her in the morning, but she's not exactly one to wrap her arms around his neck if he were to lean down and embrace her, not even during a kiss. It's not a lack of interest in physical intimacy of any kind, not at all, it's just not her... style.

[honeyed-and-mumbled-hymns]

"art isn't art until someone says it is." "IT'S ART!" - Mona Lisa Smile, 2003

This is my first little post on here so, take it easy on me. please.

A couple months ago I was watching Mona Lisa Smile (I'm an educator and got bit by the School Film Bug and this is one of my favorites) when I suddenly thought, "Gosh, I wish someone would have added in a little gay sub plot."

And it hit me. Maybe someone did!

I cannot be the only person on this earth that looked at Betty and Giselle and went, "yea, that would make a KILLER enemies to lover story!"

And, dear reader, I was not alone!

I logged onto AO3 and BAM! There it was... well there were only 6 but there they were! Real, written and (as far as I am aware) completed works on my favorite little pairing in my favorite little teacher film.

And I read them all in one sitting. I have no self restraint.

And I told my partner, "You know what, I will make a tumblr and I will review these 6 fics as my first real post!" That was months ago and today felt like a good day to make that happen!

Disclaimer to all: I am not someone who considers themself a "great writer/reviewer" but I will say that I enjoy consuming media, especially movies. And I enjoy thinking about how to make things gayer SOOooo, here we are!

Let's do this thing!

I do not want to rank these as I review. I did at first but in doing so I felt like I was doing these all a disservice? It would feel like I was pitting them against one another and these is so little wlw things in media that to rate fanfic against one another feels... bad? haha so here we go.

!!SPOILERS FOR THESE FICS UP AHEAD!! (you've been warned)

In order of links as they pop up in the search:

#1 - Future Homemakers of America (100 Words)

This fic is 100 words and it BROKE me yall... I was devastated by the last little paragraph. I mean even the summary kills me. I did think a lot about the movie, The Hours, when reading this for some reason... (I know the reason, I'm just going to get sad and will not elaborate ha!) Overall, great for 100 words!

#2 - Not All Who Wander Are Aimless (3,478 Words)

This is 7 chapters of Betty coming to terms with who she is and it is done... SO artfully! I love reading about her being imperfect and trying to change despite how her mother raised her. Powerful and beautiful! This one has spicy scenes, nothing too smutty if I remember correctly! The comp het is also so real ah. The way it is written/formatted, is also very well done. It feels more like you're reading a poem than a fic and I really enjoyed that. The voice in it draws you in, ah!

#3 - The Spark of Enduring Flame (2,584 Words)

Oh this one is a little steamy, haha. I enjoyed this one more for the setting and pace of it all! Having them get cold during a snow storm is a classic little rom-com moment and I was all here for it! The smut is small but it is there and it is gentle. Also, the opening line and then the candles being done after their night, p o e t r y.

#4 - Repentance (1,065 words)

A very different twist here. Betty taking on Spencer in court is just what I needed after those credits rolled! No relationship for Betty and Giselle BUT we do have Giselle getting a partner and still being a steady friend for Betty, and that's still solid! The mention of Amanda Armstrong (first but not last in our list of fics) was exciting and then got real sad. Having Betty go to apologize at her grave for what she did to her feels like a good step for Betty.

#5 - The Girls in No. 8 (3,377 Words)

OKAY, this one charmed me so much haha. The author has a series where they are telling stories in this apartment building and (if I remember correctly) have some OCs they add in. In this one, Betty and Giselle move in across this apartment of Nurses and they all think the two girls are dating. Anyways, Amanda Armstrong shows up at one point and it just ties everything together in a way I never expected?! I was so charmed and pleasantly surprised by the setting and the back and forth between the apartments. A genuinely fun read! (Also, the author has another smaller fic about Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada, being the lady that hires Angel, from RENT, to play until the dog jumps and that was silly and a crossover I didn't expect but made sense aha!)

#6 - Calico Girl (5,401 Words)

This one threw me a bit, I wont lie, but it led to a whole new ship for me haha. The premise is really interesting and follows Giselle getting a crush on an OC the author made. Now, this I will admit is my own bias, but if I was putting an OC into a fic, I would have her fall in love with the character I had picked from the show. I was a bit thrown when all the build up between Giselle and the OC ended sour. The build up of community and realization is still really good and worth the read because then we get Giselle and Connie?! And, honestly, I'm upset I didn't consider it until I read this one... cuz now, like what if I find more fics under that pair?! ah, it is still gorgeously written and broken up into small sections that keep drawing you in. So worth the read. Also, the kiss Connie gets is the best ha!

AND THAT DOES IT, I think...

I really just wanted to share some thoughts. And I did, so I'm done? I might do this again if I find another pair with less then 10 fics to their name haha.

Please give the movie a watch if you haven't seen it! It really is one of my favorite teacher movies. I watch it at least once a year and can't get enough of it. The soundtrack is also so good! Tori Amos is on it, iconic.

Anyways, thanks for reading this, if you read the fics, let me know what you think!

[blues-valentine]

Agree with all ur shadow and bone thoughts, im honestly so disappointed.. they just forgot to add the sankta alina followers in the show which was always so interesting and important to me, like wth was the mal reveal it was terrible, like wheres the angst? Wheres alinas hunger for power that starts to scare her? Like it all felt so hollow.

Yeah, honestly the Sankta Alina plot was always interesting to me and I think it not only added so many layers to Alina’s character but it also provided a change of dynamic instead of the same Alina’s powers vs Darkling situation that was frankly a bit repetitive. The Apparant if done right could’ve been an great antagonist and they literally introduced him on Season 1 and planted the seeds for this plot only to just blatantly ignore it because they desperately wanted the spin off which I get but I still believe is a disregard to Alina Starkov and a disrespect to Jessie and everyone from the S&B cast.

This religious symbol that Alina represents beyond the Sun Summoner plus her big following was another aspect to Alina’s conflict that gave her layers they just didn’t want to explore. It was truly disappointing and as you just mentioned, hollow. Tolya and Tamar had a really particular devotion and loyalty to Alina, similar to Inej’s because of what she represents in their belief and this was not added on. The twins were basically more involved for Nikolai and the crows’s plot than what they were supposed to mean for Alina’s story line, which was allowing her to understand that side of her and give us a different perspective of her role not just as a savior or queen, but as a whole. Also, the whole Apparat plot gave us really cool moments with all the characters that we’ll probably never going to get such as them in the church ruins. Mal training the Grisha for the upcoming war and all of those cool scenes. It would’ve made sense why they would want Mal as leader of the guards too because he basically takes that role throughout the books. Like, all of these issues is what convinced Alina that she needed to become a queen. Something she did not want. Mal being a great military strategist was never mentioned or brought into the show. Alina didn’t want to be a queen, she wasn’t compelled by the “glamorous” vibe of it all and that’s precisely what they made her up to be.

The thing about Alina’s power is that she’s slowly losing it to the point it scares her and everyone around her. Mal was starting to be afraid too of her hurting herself. It’s what pull him on high alert throughout the whole thing. It’s why Darkling’s visitations become more present, because she’s battling into letting herself be consumed by power. The mental tool it took taking the second amplifier was not explored as it should have been because that changed Alina in a lot of ways. The moment I got into episode 4 and saw that they were already doing the R&R plot I was like, uhm, anyways. It was just so anticlimactic and it sadly was because there was not build up to it.

Like, I am glad I have the books but yeah, it would’ve been great to watch it display on the show correctly because I believe Jessie really stepped up this season in terms of delivery. But I believe maybe this is why they changed that Season 2 ending, like they are clearly going for Alina being corrupted by power — which might simulate Siege and Storm but there was not need to change it this much and it was clear that their priority wasn’t on Alina which is why many other characters ended up having more screen time than the female heroine of color they’ve spent season 1 patting themselves on the back for and the one female they’ve build the whole grishaverse upon – and it’s truly sad.

[ben-j-erickson]

RWRB: Thoughts on the movie

SO a while back, i let the entire internet(like 2 people) know my thoughts on the RWRB trailer. i watched the movie last night. and i have so many, SO SO many thoughts about it. Buckle in kiddos, this is gonna be one long fucking post.

In honor of Mr. Alex Claremont-Diaz and his endless lists, here are some lists including but not limited to what i liked and what i didn't like.

What i liked:

Uma Thurman. Slayed as per usual. I did think they could've done more with her bc she's so much more mom-president in the books. Still, though, Uma Thurman is always amazing and it's amazing to see her.

The way they did the texts and calls? Phenomenal! Did they technically only do that once? yes but we ignore that for a minute

The way that they addressed being queer and the coming-out experience. Everyone deserves to be able to figure out their sexuality/gender in their own time and to be able to tell the world at their time and pace. And they made sure to put that in the movie. [Quick tangent: two of the biggest queer projects of the year(so far), Heartstopper and RWRB both have themes about coming out and how it should be. ]

The sex scenes were actually not bad. The "let's make love" scene never happened in the book and their first time having sex together was way more low-key in the book but I liked that gay intimacy was shown in a very unflinching sort of way. The book certainly doesn't shy away from-for lack of a better word- smut and I'm glad that the movie took a less fade-to-black approach. (and yes, reader, it did make me want to get dicked down. No, I will not elaborate, take from that what you will)

Phillip. I never thought that I'd say this but Phillip in his little 2hr condensed form is actually really accurate. he pisses me off and he's condescending and a real prick. good job writers

Okay. That's some stuff i liked. Apologies readers, my dislike list might be longer than my like list but its coming from a place of love, I promise

What I didn't like:

June. WHERE WAS JUNE???? i get that its a 2-ish hr amazon movie but still. You're gonna have Nora(more on her in just a sec) but not June?? June was a very big part of the book who is a big support for Alex and is just generally cool. Making Alex an only child did not feel right y'all.

If you're gonna have Nora in the movie or like combine Nora and June or whatever the writers/directors/producers had in mind, then DO IT RIGHT. Nora in the books is firmly queer and cool and like probably austistic and a hacker(?). She's got her own sideplot with the whole Richards leak(again, more on that later). She helps Alex come to terms with his bisexuality. And you're just gonna make her a little side character that gives Alex advice and is maybe working on the Claremont campaign. like c'mon. Nora and June are Alex's support system, they're the people he relies on, the people who have seen him before being first-son and after becoming first-son.

Speaking of Alex being the first son, i wasn't happy that they sort of just glossed over Alex's insecurities. we get a little of them in the emails but part of what makes Alex so relatable is that he is confident and he is smart and he does want to help people but he also understands and feels the difference between himself and Henry. Henry is white and British and privileged and has a myriad of insecurities too but Henry will never understand being judged solely on your skin. On being compared to someone else but understanding the double-standards that come along with it. i honestly don't know if i put it correctly but that is why i loved alex so much.

FUCKING MIGUEL RAMOS. WHO MADE THAT FUCKING DECISION????? first off, for those who have yet to read the book, Miguel Ramos is not in the book. Rafael Luna is. Liam is. Both men are very important for Alex(and Henry)'s story. Liam is a key component in Alex's journey in bisexuality. Rafael Luna's involvement in the Richards Campaign is also very important plot-wise. Luna is also one of the guys who Alex realises he thought was hot btw.

The Richards Campaign!?!?!?!! felt very non-important. like i just don't really feel the need to root for the Claremont Campaign or root against the Richards Campaign when they sort of take a backseat. in the book the Richards campaign is the one to leak the emails and its a more malicious strike against the Claremont Campaign vs a jealous reporter who the Alex hooked up with once leaking the story.

WHILE we're on the emails, i know that you can only fit so much in here but COME ON MAN. the emails are sort of the foundation of Henry and Alex's romance. they text(AFTER ALEX GIVES HENRY HIS NUMBER BTW) and then they email each other and its so gay/bi and so happy and so romantic and the quotes man the FUCKING quotes and i didn't get that and can you tell that the emails mean a lot to me

the "history,huh?" moment did not feel as impactful to me. fight me on that , i don't care.

Bea. Said it before, not how i pictured. But boy did they really reduce Bea. Mind you, she's got a very big role in Henry's life an they do try but the powder princess stuff is kind of important.

Princess Catherine. Where is she? Who knows? Again, cut for time but my gosh people, she's the reason Queen Mary turns around on Henry and Alex.

Speaking of Queen Mary, they switched her around for a king?!?!?! LISTEN i get not wanting to make real-world comparisons yadayadayada but Stephen Fry?!?!?! im so sorry that man is too nice for you to try to convince me that he's a racist and homophobic ruler.

Alex's parents. They're together, i guess? minor thing so that's why its here idk.

SO that was a lot of complaints and some good stuff.

You may be thinking "THANK GOODNESS, it's over"

WRONG.

I have more thoughts, dear reader.

Look, was it a perfect adaptation? no. adaptations rarely are.

Was it a good movie? yes. it was.

This movie made my little gay POC heart very VERY happy. it made me happy to see something that I treasure be put out into the world in a movie that I will be watching over and over and over. I'm obviously not pleased with the multiple liberties they took but I'm taking what I can. We need more queer everything out in the world. More queer books, more queer movies, more queer photography, more queer tv shows, more queer museum exhibits, you name it. Given the current state of the world and attitudes about queer people, it is essential to make and consume queer media in all its forms. Queer media makes sure that everyone knows that we're here and queer and we're not going anywhere. This is an important story to tell. And it doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs to tell OUR stories.

Henry, Alex (and also Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring) have made me want a love like theirs. A love that is genuine and real and honest and full of hope. A love who understands me and who I understand. To quote Dr. Taylor Alison Swift: "A love that was really something, not just the idea of something."