#i really want this arc to dial it to 100 on the pain

[faultyvessel]

Thinking back to that line in Go To The Mirror? when Cecil’s mom says “why are you crying when you don’t even exist?” and how it plays into the current arc in the way that things are being explained away to seem like they never existed in the first place and how she was supposedly Prophetic and-

[the-haunted-office]

What sort of arcs would you like to explore most, individually or overall, for your muses after the Retcon?

Ask anything you'd like about my characterization or how I play my character.

Well, first I want to continue with the arc of Stanley leaving the Office and going out on his own into Post-Apocalyptic Fictional Earth. That one kind of stems off from the whole piano plot, which I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but basically Doomsday accidentally dropped a piano on him, killed him, and then in order to try to save him, Thursday and Cyrus put his body in a freezer since Stanley Johnson doesn't respawn the same way the folks in the Haunted Office do (SJ is from a different Office, as it turns out). SJ's ghost felt that this violated his autonomy and became angry at Thursday, but he didn't realize Cyrus was involved too, so he took it all out on her. SJ's original Narrator, Arthur, eventually showed up and brought him back via cloning, which really messed up his body, and now SJ suffers chronic pain in addition to memory loss and the loss of the ability to speak. Thursday couldn't take SJ being mad at her any longer and spilled the beans on Cyrus being involved, so now SJ is mad at Cyrus too, and that brings us up to speed, where SJ has stormed out of the Office.

That was a wall of text, but yeah! I want to continue with that first, see where that goes. I really think that will provide some interesting character development for Stanley, not for him as an individual muse but also between him and Cyrus (who are kindasorta halfway shipped, they're interested in each other but it's definitely a slowburn situation) and him and Thursday too, who are friends and I'd like to see their friendship healed. Thursday needs to learn to be able to let go of people, and Stanley needs to learn to let go of his biases too, because he sort of held his own bias against his Narrator against her (she sort of reminds him of his Narrator, Arthur, who he despises).

I'd really like to do some arcs expanding my muses' world outwards and possible introduce some new muses. I have loose plans in mind for this. I'd like them to explore more of Post-Apocalyptic Fictional Earth and implement more of that into potential plots and into threads, if others are interested.

I'd really love to be able for them to forms connections with others outside of the Office, too! That was a big driving force behind the whole Retcon plot. I felt that my muses were too difficult to get along with up front and it was inhibiting them from forming bonds with other muses, and because it was inhibiting bonds from forming, it was making it difficult for other people to care about my muses, and because of that, it was just... inhibiting interactions in general. I don't know for a fact if this was the case, but it seemed to be to me, so I thought I'd adjust the dials on some personality traits here and there and see how it went. All in all, my muses are absolutely still themselves, they haven't really changed in who they are, it's just certain aspects of their personalities have been adjusted to make it so they aren't as peevish in threads, if that makes sense.

Like, Doomsday will no longer be going out of her way to antagonize people, especially in response to OOC post, like she would before - unless I know for absolute certain you are okay with it. And she also won't just be picking fights left, right, and center over everything. While I enjoyed this aspect of her personality, I don't believe everyone else enjoyed it. I think it was exhausting to others to have her always coming at their muses and antagonizing them all the time, so I wanted to dial that back a bit and see how that helped with interactions with her. She's still absolutely going to be a pain in the ass at times and difficult to get close to because that's just who she is, but I've dialed it down from like 100 to maybe 75 or something like that haha.

And with Thursday, she had a lot of unprocessed trauma that was making it virtually impossible for her to trust anybody. She just couldn't trust anybody and couldn't open up to anybody in any capacity. I sort of forgot that, hey, I have all these other muses right here in my own arsenal that she can talk to to process her grief and trauma, and that might help make it easier for her to connect with others outside of the Office. So that's what the Retcon has done for her. It's reinforced her connections with the other people in the Office, so now she doesn't feel so alone and disconnected from everybody, and now it's ideally going to be easier for her to open up to others and trust other muses. It doesn't, by any means, she's going to immediately open up and going to take down all of her boundaries, but I do think it will make first interactions with her a lot more pleasant.

That's the idea, anyway! That's what the aim is. If nothing comes of any of it, then that's all right. It's not a huge deal. Ultimately their characterizations are still the same. The Retcon all in all is just minor adjustments behind the scenes that you won't really notice, most likely, and that's all for the best, I think. If the changes were too big, then they'd be totally different characters and that's not what I want.

So, with all that in mind, going forward, what I'd really like for them outside of internal interactions, is to be able to forge better connections with other people's muses. I really would. It's been like pulling teeth for me to find people to rp with, and then it's been even harder than that finding people who want to stick around and who care about my muses enough to plot with me and everything. I know I can't make people want to do that, but I hope that by making the adjustments I've made and taking out some of the things that have been making threads too unpleasant for some people, I can find some kind of a happy medium.

Sorry, I know that was long, and if you stuck around to read all that, then you're real cool! And of course, if you have any follow-up questions, do feel free to send them in, I'd be happy to answer them. :)

[dragonfoxgirl]

It's been years.

Naruto was the anime that marked my childhood.

Bleach marked my teens.

I can't deny how invested I was at one point. Speculating like crazy because of the interactions, chemistry and overall bond that Ichigo and Rukia shared.

For years I watched their relationship be depicted closer. The way Tite would draw their eyes fixated on one another with so much emotion. Always in each other's immediate mind. Always drawn together in spreads and promotional covers.

For years, I thought I was blessed to watch their constant evolution as their relationship grew larger and more intricate. I thought, that they for sure would end up together. Because no friendship with that level of love for one another ends in just a simple "friendship" At a certain point, their interactions stopped being overly silly and comedic and the serious, emotional dial was cranked up to 100.

But obviously it didn't end that way.

Seriously, no hate towards Orihime. I think the character is very sweet. Same with Renji. But, looking back, their characters were always the ones with the unrequited love.

There was a point in the story in wich Renji let go of his feelings and moved on and same with Orihime. I don't remember with every exact detail when but I do remember I sensed the shift.

After that, I don't remember any important interaction between Renji and Rukia or Ichigo and Orijime that would make me think those feelings where still there. Or that they where even reciprocated.

Onwards from there, the road had seemed cleared for IchiRuki and that's why the ending of Bleach hit me so hard in the brain.

It felt so.... off.

There's no years worth of content. No countless interactions filled with trust and support. No several looks filled with warmth and longing. No teasing, gentle smiles or overwhelming emotions between the couples who ended up being Canon, atleast in my opinion.

Not when you compare between them and Ichigo and Rukia.

I remember from time to time, the scene where they both think they will never see each other again. That Ichigo would no longer be able to percieve her at all. How much pain, longing and just... love was contained in their eyes. When she started to fade and jerked her head upwards to meet his eyes in such a way.... It's like she wanted to reach out to him, say something but couldn't. Because she is ultimately bound by Tite's limits.

I wonder now.... if that's when he changed his mind, for whatever reason that I, to this day can't seem to sense from the rest of the story.

I wonder if that was his way of saying goodbye. I wonder if that was his way to close that possibility off in an emotional and respectful manner.

Bleach is getting its final arc animated and it's supposed to come out later this year. I'm not... sure if I want to watch it.

Thing is, if Tite really meant that scene as his own private goodbye, then maybe he shouldn't have kept pairing them up afterwards in the very same way as before.

Even to this day, promotional materials and special illustrations are still depicting them together. Even knowing the outcome.

Some people may think not watching a show because your ship didint end up Canon is immature and that why the heck would I care so much about characters being together in a Shonen.

But Bleach is different. Because A LOT of its plot, subject and story rides on Ichigo's and Rukia's relationship. It's not a side story thing and it's not a background filler. It's very much ingrained in the main storyline. Over and over again.

That's why the ending feels so unfaithful. Offbeat.

I chose not to regard it too much. Rather, I prefer to reminisce on the slowly building bond between them. Because that's not erased by the ending.

I guess, I will forever be sour on the fact they work so good together and that for me, it's just a bummer that they can never officially give fruit to years of blooming relationship and chemistry.

Truly an example of something just "meant to be" but will never get to.

Right now, for my life, I prefer to focus on things that can be.

[winterscaptain]

and the last one for now (till we get more of the 100 arc) - we kinda need a director's cut on enough? 🥺 (BECAUSE YOU SPOIL US WITH SHOWING HIS RECOVERY).

anything for you my love! (i have a LOT of these coming, so i’ll queue them up through the rest of the week :))

commentary in bold italics because i cant figure out how to do the fancy colors

You knock on his door, takeout in your hand. “It’s me!”

After a minute of silence on the other side of the door, you take your keys out of your pocket and start to open the door. “Don’t shoot me. I’m using my keys.” You move to open it, and the chain is in place. 

Okay I just love the fact that they have a key to his apartment?? After everything he’s been through and how unsafe he feels in his home? I’m soft. 

Damn it, Aaron. 

Then - 

Is he okay?

The transition to light panic here was really important to me - I wanted to establish right away that the threat and the fear was still there, and the last time they couldn’t find Aaron, he was stabbed nine (!!) times.

“Aaron?” You call through the gap in the door. You leave the keys in the door and pull your phone out of your pocket, hitting the first number on your speed dial. 

You hear his phone ring, a smack, and both from down the hallway and through the speaker (with an echo): “Hotchner.” 

“I’m here with dinner. Open the door.” 

His voice is thick with sleep. “You have a key, right?”

“The chain is on. I’m surprised I didn’t trip the alarm.” 

He makes a little dissatisfied noise and hangs up. I love him. You can hear him plant his feet and walk down the hallway. You smile a little at him as he approaches the door, almost looking inconvenienced as he shuts it, removes the chain lock, and opens it again. 

“Are you seriously upset that I brought you food?” 

No, dear, that’s just his face. 

He shakes his head and steps back, letting you in before closing it.  “No, sorry. I just didn’t mean to fall asleep.” 

You take stock of him as he turns his back on you and sits on the couch, settling with a slowness that looks painful. You set the food down and then return to lock the door. It’s easier for him to answer your question when you’re not looking at him. 

I love how well they know him. Like...he refuses to be vulnerable with the rest of the team, and even with them, he only feels safe when he can’t be seen. 

“How are you feeling?”

A sigh. “Alright.” 

And yet...

You look over your shoulder as you slide the chain lock back into place. “Don’t lie to me. It won’t work.” 

His head is in the takeout bag as he answers, still avoiding your eyes. “I’m sore and I can’t sleep at night and everything is healing slower than I want.”

There we go. There we go, indeed. 

You sit beside him. “Do your dressings need to be changed?” 

“I got most of them earlier, and Jess came over to help me yesterday, but there are a few that need to wrap around and I can’t -” He stops with a huff. “I can’t reach without -”

You put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I got it.” 

His jaw is tight, shaky. “Thanks.” 

Hotch and them just communicate with each other so well. They can understand what he needs and how he needs it presented to him. 

“First,” you say, grabbing one of the boxes, “food.” 

There’s a grateful little pull of his lips as you dig in. The news is on, but you pick up the remote and change it to some ridiculous reality TV program. 

“I was watching that.” 

“No you weren’t.” 

He wasn’t. 

This made me LAUGH like you wouldn’t believe. My parents do this all the time and it always makes me smile. 

You avoid his exasperated eyes as you set the remote on your side of the couch - farther than he can reach without stretching. 

You eat together in silence, the trainwreck on the television only marginally holding your attention. When you glance at him, you catch the side of his face twinge when he reaches for his glass of water.

“You know, not taking your pain meds doesn’t make you Captain America. It just makes you stupid, and in pain.” 

This is the piece of dialogue that got me started on this little fic. I was like “wait a minute - this fucker won’t take his meds and he’ll need someone to take care of him and the writers DEPRIVED us of joy so maybe i’ll just give myself a little joy, as a treat.

He levels you with a glare. 

+++

“Stop squirming.” 

“Sorry.” 

We love starting in the middle of a conversation/activity. I really hate writing build-up to stuff if it’s not actually relevant, so I’ve kind of worked on making scene starts feel active without being too abrupt. I’ve been known to write full on scenes and then just chop the shit out of them for pacing and structure. 

My outtakes document is like 25 pages long because I never really get rid of anything. 

With gentle fingers, you tape and tuck gauze around one of the wounds on his ribs. He flinches, a little pained noise leaving his throat. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Your fingers flutter for a second before setting back to work. Reaching blindly behind you, you grab the roll of gauze wrapping. “Hang on for just a second - this isn’t going to feel good.” 

He takes a deep breath (as deep as he can, anyway, considering his injuries), and you begin wrapping the dressing around his ribs, passing the roll from one hand to the other. He grits his teeth whenever it pulls the right amount, and your lower lip disappears between your teeth. 

I probably watched Aaron being in pain in carious episodes for close to an hour while putting this together. It sucked. 

“I’m going to tuck it in front so you can reach it, okay?”

He nods, his eyes closed. 

You’re sitting on his desk while he’s perched on the edge of his chair, his arm resting along the back - up and out of the way. This is the only place in the apartment he’s comfortable removing his shirt. 

Every other room has a mirror or a big window. 

ALRIGHT we’re gonna touch on Aaron’s insecurities here - we see his growth and confidence shift by the time we see him and Reader in mean it, where he feels comfortable when they take his shirt off and see his scars. 

“Okay, one more.”

You’ve saved the hardest one for last, but it has to go in that order. It’s the one just above his collarbone, right off the hollow of his throat, that needs the most attention and frequent changes. 

I noticed this dressing - the one right below his neck - on my final rewatch of Faceless, Nameless. I was scanning for things I missed, not looking at anything I’d seen before, and that just stood out to me. Thus, we got the extension of this scene that was originally going to end with “Every other room...window.” 

You tip his chin with the tip of your finger, giving you more space to work. 

Okay I didn’t even touch on the touching in this one. I think this is the most contact they’ve ever had, and I think something shifts in their friendship after this. 

Gingerly pulling at the tape, you remove the soiled dressing. Aaron’s breath comes as deep as he can through his teeth. When it quickens, you stop. 

You readjust so he can keep his head where it is and you can sit in his eye line. He meets your eyes with a tight jaw. 

Yes, we are mirroring the shaving scene in mean it here! There are a lot of mirror moments between that fic and this one - a kind of breakthrough of intimacy in both cases. 

“What can I do, Aaron?”

He closes his eyes again and tilts his head further to the side. “Just keep going.” 

The tears come unbidden into your eyes as you continue your work, but your hands and breath are steady. They are so moved to his pain it literally made me cry. I just thought of the way their hands must have shook and like...the sight of the wound itself. My best friend was hospitalized two years ago, and even seeing her in any pain just brought me straight to tears. For these two, where that’s so part of their everyday, I can’t even fathom it. You can hear him match his breath to yours and you’re thankful for your relative composure.  

The wound still looks wretched - angry and red and black and blue and weeping - but it’s not infected. 

You hold a towel up and he gingerly presses it to his chest while you reach for the wound wash, hiding your face from him. This is as much about protecting themself as it is about protecting Aaron. 

“Thirty seconds, thirty seconds,” you assure him. “Do you want me to count?”

I like the implication that they’ve counted the thirty seconds for him before, so I left it there. 

He shakes his head. “Just do it.” 

You shoot a gentle stream of the solution across the open tissue, held together by more stitches than you want to count, both internal and external. There are SO many delicate little ligaments and muscle fibers in the neck and upper chest - I asked my dad about it (reminder: he’s a former paramedic from Alameda county where paramedics can make an execute medical decisions lmao) and he said neck and clavicle injuries were a nightmare. Apparently, it’s like a minefield in there. The other arteries and delicate tissues of the body dont have so many key items, but the neck (obviously) does, with lots of room to damage upper and lower respiratory tracks. Thus...Lots of stitches. Anguished noises leave his chest through his teeth and you know he’s trying to suppress them with unsteady breath. His eyes are shut impossibly tight, and you can see unauthorized tears gathering in the corners. 

Unauthorized tears came to me while I was searching in vain for an appropriate adjective here. I didn’t want to just say that he was crying - it wasn’t good enough. I wanted to demonstrate that he didn’t want to cry, that neither one of them wanted to make the other feel badly for their own anguish. 

This is always the hardest part, and you’ve never gotten through it without crying. You hate how much he hurts. It’s like you can feel it yourself, the sting, the bone-deep ache, the throbbing. 

Tears fall down your cheeks, some landing on your shirt and others wandering down your throat. 

Even then, he knows you don’t pity him. 

If he thought that, he wouldn’t let you anywhere near him.

You wash and dab, wash and dab, until the wound is clean and fluid-free, apologizing the whole time. You throw both the wash and gauze to the side and reach for fresh wrapping while swiping at your eyes. 

Fuck. 

“Just a second.” 

You’ve touched your face, so now you have to wash your hands. Again. We love good hygiene practice! You leave him and go into the kitchen, wash and dry your hands, and return to him. 

He catches your eyes before you settle back down. There’s something behind his eyes you can’t name, and it sends something flying around your body. 

That’s love, babey!! Haley smacked sense into him since last we talked and Reader has NO clue! Wild! I love dramatic irony!

You always feel a little guilty for your tears, but he understands. He thought for a moment, in the beginning, about what he would do if the situation was reversed. 

I can just see Aaron thinking of this, almost getting stuck on it. He’s so sensory-oriented, so grounded in sensation and memory, that he would force himself to feel the full brunt of a hypothetical scenario where Reader is seriously injured. 

He doesn’t have to imagine too hard because of course he remembers the gunshot wound in through and through, but it would be different if they were hospitalized or something. 

After scant seconds of consideration, he had decided he could never be as composed as you, as vulnerable and open as you. He could never offer to clean and dress your wounds - the thought of causing you pain of any sort, even helpful pain, was unbearable. 

Besides that, he would be so angry that you were hurt at all and wouldn’t be able to keep his hands steady. 

Nothing like the barely-contained rage of cis white men born in the 1960′s! (Or maybe I’m just projecting my father here....anyways.....)

At the very least, he would probably scare you with the intensity of his fury. Anyone who ever laid a hand on you would be subject to a wrath comparable to that of God. 

And Aaron’s mom is Catholic, so he would know. 

I can’t wait to have more Mama Hotch! (For those of you who haven’t gotten to the reality check trilogy, I’ve named her Evelyn because a. it was popular when she was born and b. I needed Aaron’s mom to have a soft and elegant name) 

There is not a moment where he takes your execution of this particular task for granted. He knows how difficult it is. He thinks, perhaps, that this is the bravest act of love he’s ever seen. 

I love the way Aaron shows love. He’s adoring in kind of a different way, brave in a different way. There’s so much hiding beneath him if you know where and how to look. I don’t think people, either in the show or in the fandom or in general, really look critically at him that way. 

But could you love him?

Love?

No. 

Too old. Too broken. Too divorced. Too married to work. Too poor a father. Too many other things that make me wholly undeserving. 

He couldn’t, wouldn’t, subject you to himself. 

God I mean there is SO MUCH in him that internalizes EVERYTHING. He thinks everything is his fault and I just????? Ugh.

He’s satisfied loving you in silence. He’d done it for a while now, he realized, after his conversation with Haley. 

It would have to be enough.

It would have to be enough to watch you carry on with your joyful, vibrant life. 

It would have to be enough to watch your face light up for someone who loves you, who puts a ring on your finger and makes you happy. 

It would have to be enough to spoil your children if and when you became a parent, to hold the title ‘Uncle Aaron’ instead of ‘Dad.’

I added this last bit as almost an afterthought, and it was the one everyone seemed to love the most. Looking back, it’s my favorite too. 

It would have to be enough to know you would outlive him and die loved. 

It would have to be enough. 

You pick up your tools again, using three fingertips this time to tip his head to the side at the temple. He almost smiles. 

Here, I think its the juxtaposition between the direction of his thoughts and their gentle touch that makes him smile. It’s not a happy one, but I think its one of acceptance. He’s in a place, in this moment, where he actually trusts that they’ll be there. 

“What?”

He shakes his head the barest amount and raises his eyebrows. “Nothing.” 

I think they would have told them, if there was some way to explain it. But there wasn’t. 

With a roll of your still-watery eyes, you get back to work, folding and pressing the gauze to the wound with a light, even pressure. You try to ignore Aaron’s hiss as the smile dissolves off his face, replaced by restraint and pain. 

Holding the pad in place with one hand, you take the tape, hanging the roll on your thumb while you pull with your other hand. You tape all around the perimeter of it, gently warming the adhesive against his skin. 

“Alright. Almost done.” 

You have him hold the end right under the wound while you stand to better get around him. Once, like a sash, around his shoulder and across his back and under his other arm, once around his ribs, repeat. 

Again, you tear and tuck it in front so he can reach, and gently pat it into place. 

When it’s low-profile enough to disappear under his shirt -

“Finished.” 

You turn and gather everything into the little bin that lives under his bathroom counter before he can say anything. And this is their way of hiding from him. I purposefully focused in on Hotch’s inner monologue during this part, instead of Reader’s. We already know how they feel and how much they love him and yet deny it from here to next year. I thought it was much more interesting to examine Aaron’s acceptance of his feelings in this moment. He watches you, and you can feel his eyes at your back. 

The first time you came to visit after he got home, he was worried you’d look at him differently, was worried you’d pity him. 

This was originally up where the first mention of pity is, but I needed that inner moment with Aaron before I went back to a recollection. 

He shouldn’t have.

You showed up at the door looking at him just the same way you always did. He wasn’t sure quite what way that was, exactly, but it was the same. 

The first time you offered to help him with his dressings, he refused outright. It was only when you saw that a wound on his left side had ripped a little and bled through his shirt that you wrestled him down and took care of it. 

Harder still than exposing his pain? Taking off his shirt. You’d reached for the top button the first time and he flinched like he’d been burned. 

He refused to meet your eyes. 

This little memory was SUCH a clear image in my head - it was such a struggle to figure out where and how to include it. I was happy that I found a way to do it in a way that wasn’t jarring and didn’t detract.

“What on earth are you so afraid of?”

He opened his mouth as if he was going to raise his voice at you, but then snapped it shut, his jaw working. His eyes were trained on the carpet. 

“Hey.” 

He looked at you somewhat reluctantly. 

“It’s just me.”

I know, he thought, that’s the problem. 

“This,” you gesture to his general torso area, “is not going to scare me or freak me out. What does freak me out, however -” You point at him with a packet of sterile gauze. “- is the thought of you trying to do this on your own, ripping your stitches, you not going back to the hospital, getting infected, going septic, and having a generally bad time.”

He finally speaks, the barest bit of sarcasm in his tone. “That’s quite a reach, isn’t it?”

You shoot him a withering look. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me you’d willingly go back to get your stitches fixed every time you ripped them, I’ll leave you alone.” 

He won't meet your eyes again, looking like a guilty child as his eyes wander to the corner of the room with a bit of a squint. 

You made your point rather elegantly. 

You pass him his shirt over your shoulder and he takes it, slipping his arms into the sleeves. 

BECAUSE IT’S NORMAL. Reader simply doesn’t acknowledge his vulnerability because they don’t need to. They just accept it in him and make it safe. 

His ridiculous number of button ups were coming in handy, especially considering the increased risk of stains. You’ve soaked more shirts in peroxide in the last week than you care to count. 

Occupational hazard, I guess. 

Getting blood out of dress shirts is an ART and Reader has MASTERED it.

You pick up the little bin and take it back into the bathroom, your fingers tracing over the framed photos of Haley and Jack in the hall as you pass. 

There’s one of you and Haley, too, at some sort of summer function where you were all together. If you aren’t mistaken, Jess took the photo as you and Haley lounged in lawn chairs, laughing.

I love these little scenes that are captured in pictures. Most of the pictures I write in are not only for implicit characterization, but to capture little images and scenes I can’t find context for, or aren’t something I can put into a fic in any kind of neat and orderly way. 

So, just like in my head, they live in still or just-moving-a-little images. 

Another one of the two of you sits on the dresser in Aaron’s bedroom. You’ve never seen it. 

It’s another Jess-capture. Haley has Jack in her arms, kissing him on one cheek with a smile while you press a kiss to the other, eyes shut tight. One of your hands rests lightly on Haley’s arm, the other makes bunny ears over Jack’s head. The boy’s face is all crinkled like he hates it, but Aaron knows that photo was bookended by a screech of laughter and many, many giggles. 

It’s times like this where I wish I could draw Reader, so I could take this and paint it. I still might try with a vague impression of them....But I’m not sure. 

+++

You bounce into the office in the morning, looking no worse for wear even after spending the night on Aaron’s couch. 

Hey, it’s a comfortable couch.

The pair of you stayed out on the couch watching bad movies far later than you meant to, but it’s alright. 

I just LOVE this image. 

Not the first time that’s happened. 

You could neither confirm nor deny that Aaron slept, but you saw, through his open bedroom door, that he was still and quiet for most of the night. 

The open door was an important detail here. Naturally, Aaron would want to close himself off to as much of a threat as possible, but I think he actually feels safer with the door open when Reader is there just outside of it, rather than the alternative. 

“You look chipper this morning,” Penelope notes. 

You shrug. “I slept well last night.” 

“How’s Hotch?” Emily asks. 

Oh, gals you have no idea how related those questions are. 

That’s another mirror moment to mean it, by the way. 

You make a little wavering noise. “About how you’d expect, but alright.” 

It’s later in the day when Dave pulls you aside and thanks you, wrapping you in his arms. 

You lean into him and you’re almost frustrated, but not surprised, when tears press at your eyes again. It seems you’re made of them, these days. 

“We’re so lucky to have you.”

You shake your head, burrowing into his shoulder. “Other way around.” 

He pulls back and kisses you on the cheek, patting your other one affectionately before offering his hand to you. “Agree to disagree?”

You roll your eyes and shake on it. 

“Sure, Dave. Sure.” 

This reminds me of that little scene in redamancy when Dave and Mom are talking about how much he deserves to have one of the babies named after him. 

And thus concludes director’s commentary for enough!! I’m always happy to answer process questions if y’all have any!!

[popculturebuffet]

Animation Reviews: OK KO: Red Action 3: Grudgement Day

Whelp I said i’d do all three in one day and I MEANT IT. And I may do it again just to stay on schedule in the future, but for now i’m just proud and exausted to have gotten this done. And after a rather “eh it has some things but it’s mostly just there” episode” we’ve come to our last episode and my personal faviorite, Red Action 3: Grudgment day. Also as a quick note I forgot red was actually a major part of “I hope this thing flies” back in my first review, but I probably would’ve left it out as while the plot is her racing with Rad, it’s entirely a rad episode, and like plaza prom which I had to realize wasn’t important, isn’t really necessary.  One last where we are in the series thing. We’re in season 3 and as I mentioned last time, RIGHT before the final episodes and one episode before the three part final arc and unrelated but beautiful epilogue that closes out the series. I didn’t go into my throughts on season 2 but it was good, the ending was just a  really sloppy end to an otherwise good arc that i’ll get to. Season 3 is somehow even better, using it’s shorter run time to tie up loose ends and character arcs left and right and , after trying all series to do it, crossing over with Sonic the hedgehog, another thing for another time, and the final episodes, both the wrap up to the story arc “Let’s fight ot the end” and the wonderful where are they now epilouge “Thank you for watching the show”, are absolutley amazing and how you end a show.. and thankfully endings of this calibur became the trend this year given that same year star vs ended terribly and the bad taste is still in my mouth over that one but that’s a story for another bunch of reviews. The point is as I said the crew used the time wisely and wrapped up most ongoing character and story arcs that needed resolution. And given they spent two episodes on it the team decided to pull the pin on red and enid getting together, and solve one dangling issue the fans likely had all in one go. IT’s grudgment day under the cut. 

We open with Rad and Red arguging and KO looking at them in a way that just screams:”Third mom, Rad, please stop fighting”  Enid comes in and wonders why one of her two best friends and her girlfriend are fighting. She dosen’t use the term but given the kiss at the end of the episode, more on that when we get to it, the general way Enid acts about this and the way Red acts around her this ep.. their a couple at this point.  I do wish they had an episode of them becoming offical, adressing Enid and Elodie.. bucnhes of other things but I concede that the crew was blindsighted by having a smaller season and had they you know NOT BEEN CANCELED FOR NO GOOD GOODAMN RESAON, we might have gotten more renid and more stories and a full on steven universe crossover with both sides. But I digress.. CN’s managment is terrible right now... but that’s not the reason for this article so we’re moving on.  Anyways Enid wants to know why their so pissy when she arrives, and Red .. is in the right this time. Showing her growth while she still got heated with rad.

Rad did at least start it, as she simply came in to take enid jelly surfing and was kind enough to ask him to come along.. and KO implictly given he’s there and their buds now and all that. But when rad insults her again she quits the explaning and goes right back to arguing with him while Enid and KO look on awkwardly. Then Red decides to go into a mocking impression of rad, which is not NEARLY as mean as it could’ve been given the guy has canocially, had a super virus get worse because he refused to get rest something the villian that gave it to him was COUNTING on as part of his evil scheme, was left on the floor in pain over his cocoa being too hot, and once confused his 6-11 year old friend for a doppleganger despite having GIVEN said friend his nametag, though to be fair red’s own best friend also thought he was rad and gave him her number, so everyone was kind of dumb that day but still, the point is she has a LOT of ammo. In contrast Rad STARTS light saying she says words like Cowabunga (she only does once at the end of this ep and has not at any time).. before saying Enid deserves someone better and flinging her surfboard... which Crinkly Wrinkly jumps on and crashes into a wall because of course he does.  Anyways Enid is offended at this and reveals rad’s been acting like a raving dickhead to Red anytime she shows up, which were this season 1 would be on brand but after 3 seasons of becoming a better person and an episode earlier this season where he rejected his dudebro friends once and for all, who by the way: Beefer and Mega Football Baby are the worst and I hate them and i’m greatful that their final apperance is rad realizing what a bad influence they’ve been and telling their asses off for their toxic masculinity. But I will however give OK KO credit as their SUPPOSED to be obnoxious, and the crew still dialed back hteir apperances to almost nothing when they realized it went horribly right, versus Rusty whose still mildly to massively annoying, but has yet to be fixed or removed from LIncoln’s crew, despite the show having a good track record for taking problematic characters and fixing them. And i’ve gotten entirely offf topic because all three of them piss me off so much, so let’s move on.  Where were we.. ah yes, since Rad being a dickhead this consisently is now an exception not the rule, Enid rightfully demands to know why and Rad.. makes up two very petty, weak and obviously pulled out of his butt to try and cover the real reason up reasons for his actions: Red didn’t follow him back on Social Media, which is both a website and what the website is in this universe apparently which Is brilliant, and that she took the last bit of cake at prom... you know after he realized he was screwing it up and fixed it all with a homoerotic dance fight. Plaza Prom is amazing. When pressed because Rad fired his stupid friends, Rad hastily challenges red to a power battle, which I haven’t had to cover yet: Basically a hero can challenge another hero to a fight, usually for respect, to settle a grudge or who took the last bagle, and it’s a socially accepted thing called a power batttle. Really given it seems like KO’s world has not had a hero civil war, and the one time we’ve seen heroes on heroes outside of these things has been when POINT was acting shady as fuck and thus needed to be stopped, it seems like a resonable mesure, especially since most heroes just.. shrug off damage from battles and stuff after a bit.  Unable to convince her girlfriend not to punch her best friend in the face, however much he deserves it, Red gives enid her belt with her time capusles inside, so they don’t go off mid fight and gives her an air kiss. Awww. Enid bemoans the fact this is happening for such dumb reasons when KO relaizes they can just use the belt to fix what once went wrong and end this petty fight before rad dies.  First stop, the Bodega a few months ago, which KO proves both by the fact they have mean beans, which theys topped selling months ago and is one of the single best refrences this show did and it’s done a LOT, and the social media feed being from months and months ago, with Beefer bragging elodie beat him up. Ewwwwww.... I don’t wnat to kjnow what he’s into. Gah gotta scrub my brain. ONe brain scrub later Rad needs only one more follower to 100. I hear when you get 100 this happens. 

Rad asks for a follow for follow from Red, who says she dosen’t have her phone. Enid is sure she’s lying, which she is, and follows Rad for her. Also I love rad’s file photo

Seriously they use this any time they need a picture of him. It’s one of the series best runners and is only topped by homer simpsons various terrible ones and this gravity falls masterpiece as being the best stock photo used for a character.

I will use this any time I have an excuse to and I have no shame about that. Anyways they go back but

As things have only gotten more heated at the power battle, so they try the prom to see if that’ll help.  Cue PROM. Seriously why they never did a second Plaza Prom episode is really beyond me. Lot of potetinal with that concept.. plus I like episodes that put tons of cast, main and supporting, in one event together, ever since venture bros. It’s always a fun time. Anyways, Enid wants to stop a paradox but KO has already interacted with his past self.. which is the KO enid’s talking to and a great gag.  So the two seeing Rad and Red both about to go for the cake decide to pull a destraction: Enid goes over and talks to Red to hold her off and get the cake to rad, while KO does what any sane person would do: Jumps onto Rad’s face while yelling rad I love you, and Rad is clearly more annoyed he’s on his face and this has very obviously happened before. .... I miss this show.  Anyway after giving the explination that she’s a shadow clone to explain why her past self is still up there DJing, she offers to dance and the two have a good cute time until enid gets the cake into rad’s mouth and bolts.. and now we get the thing I hinted at earlier. Red talks to the other Alley Teens about it, and notes that while she dosen’t know Enid she kinda likes her.. then backpedals as the teens make faces but are clearly not fooled by they all look really creepy especially Gregg. 

WHelp I have ny nightamres for tonight. But yeah this is implied to be what got Red to ask her out in the first place. Time travel is weird and inconsietent. This does give me a chance to adress the fact that the alley teens.. sorta stopped beiing a thing eventually. I mean their stillf riends as of the season 2 openoer but red and drupe show up for their own eps or supportingroles while Gregg just kinda vanishes, poor person. That being said given this interaction and how close they were I DO think their still friends; I mean gregg and drupe was confirmed by the flash forward as they visit rad’s cafe, but Red would still be their friend, they just all likely have more stuff to do as they grow older: by the end of season 2 Drupe has a buisness and gregg is probably in college. But I expect Drupe would be Red’s best woman at her wedding. I mean gregg would probably be her best person but still. Anyways they return to the present again and.

Yeah that. Their now battling in cars and Enid decides to cut the bullshit and just ask Rad why he’s pissed at Red, asking Red to pause the fight, which she agrees to.  KO and Enid throw rad int he back of his van tied up and ask him to be honest about why he’s so pissed off. After some dithering he says he lo.. lo.. and instead of saying he loves enid, thank god i’m so sick of love triangles, may they die in a fire, like the episode hinted at it’s a swerve. and unlike a vince russo swerve which ends in A “Buff Bagwell’s mother on a forklift match”.. no really

This is actually a great one: Rad’s fully moved on and I like that, evne if the finale does leave it vauge if those bodegamen at the end are theirs or not, given Rad’s her best friend by the end and she and red would need a surrogate, it’s not a huge stretch to say Rad sperm donored for them and is still a beloved uncle and figure in their lives. Anyways the point is Rad’s real beef is.. suprisingly sweet. Turns out Rad’s still pissed at the whole “Teens humilating, burning and spanking” ko thing and Red posting it online. Which is likely to adress the fact they.. never adressed that and was a good call and a good way to show rad’s growth: he’s not jealous , he’s not mad she’s taking up enid’s time, he’s mad that his best friend is dating someone who beat up his other best friend for just trying to help them then put it online for a cruel laugh. Granted Drupe did the same thing and he not only danced with her but is on good terms with her to this day, but odds are given they see her more and she’s in fact the designer for their mission outfits in season 3, she probably apologized off screen while Red figured KO forgiving her was good enough and just wanted to forget it, running away from things as usual. IT speaks to the diffrence in their personality: Red runs hot is stubborn and takes time to admit she’s wrong, Drupe is very chill and as the series goes on very nice, and probably wanted to get it out of the way asap given she frequents the bodega more often, either in the background or foreground.  Anyways after KO reveals he actually enjoys the video as a treasured memory of when he first met the alley teens, disturbing his friends, seriously this kid needed to remerge with his edgelord side yikes, Enid gives rad a headpat and kudos for being normal and Enid decides to take all of them to go fix this.  Back in the past we’re back at the bullying and before past red can post, present red explains she should stop and after clarfying this isn’t an end of the world situation, not an unfair assumption given you know time traveler, she reveals it’s for someone unimportant.. but whose important to someone they care about, and that what they were doing was a terrible thing they’ll be ashamed of anyway. It’s a good scene that shows how far red’s come: from pushing everyone but two people awaya nd treating most like garbage in a vain attempt to avoid being who she used to be, to accepting it, finding love, and becoming friends with someone she hurt and accepting she hurt him. Rad is also clearly moved seeing that Enid did indeed choose wisely. Back in the present. 

... NO not this time. No instead red and rad are pals, talking about how shredded they are and what not, and while Enid finds it annoying, understandably, she’s glad their not trying to kill each other and dosen’t have to buy Rad’s gravestone or visit her girlfriend in prison. In the alterted timeline, which their also aware of by rad’s comment, time travel just go with it, they were already planning on going jelly surfing and invite enid, and implictly ko along. 

So we end on our main trio and Red jelly surfing, Enid and Red sharing a board before wiping out, laughing about it and then, as if you hadn’t already seen the header but fuck it. 

Yup. The subtext just became.. text. Awww. In case you were wondering, I do like them as a couple, especially after this quintology, as it’s made me realize just hwo much they click and how much chemistry they have, and by this point their just adorable, their drama gone and they can just be happy and gay together. And that’s something cartoons are doing more of and tha’ts wonderful and it’s wonderful that, with all else he had to wrap up, Ian felt confirming the gay couples lasted was extremley important, as two others are shown married in the finale. And we’ll get to the finale more in a bit, but first Rad floats by with an “I support this”, to approving smiles, and enid thinking he’s a weirdo. Also I love the meta text of having a character voiced by the shows creator say that.  KO however is sad that the video is gone but ENid says the memories will last. Rad is understandably not sad about it suggests they make new ones and we end on our quintent taking a selfie together. THE END. Before final thoughts, this wouldn’t however be the last we saw of them. The finale has a bit more as it flashes forwards a bit: the relevant part is one shows Enid take over KO’s mom Carol’s dojo. with red, the two kissing again and alllooking over some supsciously familiar kids who look supsciously like the hue troop, but are probably there great grandparents. While Red dosent’ show up again after that, and could’ve gone back to the future eventuallyf or all we know, I like to think she stayed, and that as noted above, she and enid had kids together with Rad’s help given the similar looking kids we see running the bodega... which admitely was kept vauge by Ian on purpose so fans could draw their own inclusion so that’s the one i’m drawing; rad is still there for them aand still family to them, but isn’t with Enid in a romantic sense, if you think diffrently that’s fine. But My ending is these two crazy kids worked it out and are now happy ever after. and that ain’t bad.  Final Thoughts: A fantastic episode with TONS of great jokes, call backs and a great resolution , showing off Rad and Red’s character development greatly,f ixing a possible plot hole and giving fans the kiss that many of them had wanted for some time. ONe of the series best I can’t gush enough about it but I shall stop for your benifit. If you liked this review, subscribe for more, check out the backlog via the convient pages on my blog, and shoot me an ask, wether it’s to suggst an episode or just to ask me about my opinons or yell about them or ask what I think about certain shows or what i’ll cover. And until next time, later days. 

[ru-hx]

Thinking outloud about plot dev

Whilst I’ve not been drawing I’ve been tackling other stuff like plot dev/outlining and research for historical plots. I’m nearly finished with WW1 and WW2 research (as in 3 items left between them to research) and I’m getting close to a point where I can start thinking about beginning research for my Age of Sail story and starting a new project based on Battle of the Jutland that’s been sitting around in the back of my mind for a while. I’ve not yet acted on the latter for wanting to get established plots researched and decently developed first before I pick at blank slate ideas.

Part of the process has involved outlining and getting a solid plot down and I was thinking a lot about that recently—about how intuitive my planning system is because I cannot for the life of me use traditional plot structure worksheets as part of development. Because at the moment the WW2 RAF plot has enough scenes outlined for a 50,000 word story (though I’d really like to hit 80,000 because that seems to be about average for a historical fiction), I just need to break it into more coherent plot structure beats. But that’s the thing—even though I’ve taken actual screenwriting and TV & Film classes before I sold my soul to the sea and realized I wanted to be a career sailor plot structures like The Hero’s Journey do not make sense to me. At all. I’ve read so many workshops dealing with it and I’m still at the equivalent stage of early 2000′s dial-up computer trying but failing to connect to the internet. 

My outline system is a very fluid bullet point system that doesn’t really follow a rigid structure that I slowly expand on until I have a very loose scene breakdown that tells me in vague terms what happens and how characters/dynamics are developing at that point in the story, which admittedly does need a tiny bit more order to it. But I can look at the outline, even if it may seem like barely controlled chaos and and think, ah we’re working on the year 1942. That means so much development has happened so far, these beats have happened and have had X effect on the characters and lead to this much development. I’m building the plot up to Y thing which has Z impact and leads on to this development. Or I look at it and think, ah this is still A Mess[tm] I need to figure what goes where and how things join together and add to the plot/character development of the story. Time to loose the next 4 hours to daydreaming out how those sequences develop out and connect. But I just can’t for the life of me get that thinking into actual words or even into a beat sheet template to develop from there. My brain blanks out when I try. Bluescreens even. Smoothbrain o’clock.

Now I think about it I’m seriously wondering if it’s because I do 90% of plot & character development via daydreaming because seeing the scenes play out like a film helps me to figure out how stuff connects I can see all the beats happening visually. My outline and headcanon notes (scene breakdowns usually in very simple bullet point form of an idea I want to write into canon but I’m too tired to do anything with in more depth at that point in time) really exists to act as a reminder for what I figured out by daydreaming ideas. That may be why I can’t get my story structures into words and tend to feel backed into a corner when using more detailed scene breakdowns/plot structure worksheets? I have always been a more visual/practical person. Either way it’s really interesting to think about.

Edit: I half figured it out barely 15 mins after posting as is the way. I think it’s because it’s a mix of me working intuitively which likely comes from me being a former pantser who’d write until they got burnt out to a planner who’s learnt the value of planning longer projects, especially when there’s multiple projects on the go. I’m currently trying to find the middle ground of what works and what’s way too detailed that I end up holed in to a place I can’t write myself out which is no better than starting with no plan and giving up after the first 3 chapters because I ran out of steam and don’t know where to take the story next. At most I know what my character wants, the steaks, what’s in their way and how they change (or not) then revise this at the end of every major arc/plot event. I also know how the events within the story affect the characters at any given point. I’m still learning, I’m still trying to refine the planning method that’s most effective for me right now. I’ll get there.

I still need to think about the exact medium I want to present the story in but that’s a thought dump for another day when I have enough of an outline down to consider how I present these stories. The tl;dr version of how I’m gonna handle these stories is: illustrated novel (most practical option), long-running interactive novel (because I like pain enough to consider this an option for an 80k word story) or a somewhat interactive story that has the option to read alternate versions of some scenes.

I’m more thinking outloud than asking for advice but I am 100% open to advice if anyone has any tips to give.

Tiny footnote: Sci-fi plot is still there I’m just focusing more actively on historical plots first since the sci-fi plot requires next to no research. Now I have a uni start date I want all of my prep work—research and plot dev done or at least up to a point where I can focus on actually writing before I go. If it came to it I’d rather outline the sci-fi plot at uni since it doesn’t require intensive research before I can get started with writing.