#i really think i might be miserable.

[vworry]

i miss my friends. i miss TALKING to people. i dont knovw vwhy i forgot hovw to do it.

[nevertheless-moving]

Stormlight AU 17B Part Two

Continued from Here

Kaladin takes the honorblade because Syl insists it’s too dangerous to leave, collapses on the way back because holy shit exhaustion and injuries and also it's draining his stormlight a bit.

(There’s some interference between Syl Bond/ Honorblade Bond that takes time to sort out.)

When the storm starts dying, Kaladin and Szeth are found laid out like a Rosharan Renaissance painting.

Kaladin’s sprawled on the palace steps, still clutching the blade. There’s probably a single beam of light streaming down from a break in the clouds, illuminating Kaladin’s artistically devastated and storm soaked body with golden light, because of course there is.

The Assassin in White has dagger wounds in his heart and throat. Wounds from a darkeyes weapon. A LOT of witnesses to that messy aftermath because people are too freaked out to move either of them until Dalinar comes downstairs

When Kaladin wakes up he's injured. Syl isn’t answering. He’s surrounded by lighteyes and a handful of his men. The shardblade is on a pedestal.

Unfortunately this hits right in the incredibly specific trauma.

Adolin wasn't exactly sure what he imagined would happen when the bridgeman woke. No, that wasn't true. Over the last two days vigil, he had had plenty of time to think.

A haughty sneer, maybe. Or maybe a victorious smile, gloryspren, stormfather knew he deserved glory. More likely shock, surprise at even being alive — his body must have been devastated, he couldn't have expected the blade to heal him after he won, could he? A suspicious part of him had considered the idea of an attack, some form of betrayal, but not...

Whatever this was.

Prince Adolin Kholin stood in full shardplate watching bridgeboy — bridgeman — the Captain who killed the Kingkiller, face him down. Kaladin stood in a corner, one hand outstretched towards Adolin, wielding a scalpel like a dagger.

That arm was the only part of him that wasn’t shaking.

His eyes were feral, terrified. Storms, he had seen the man tackle the Assassin in White out a fifty foot drop with less fear. Shudders wracked his body. His other arm was gripping the one armed Hardashian that had been tending him, pushing him behind, protecting him.

Protecting him from Adolin.

Adolin took a hesitant step forward, hands held placatingly in front of him, feeling abnormally overly large and clumsy in his shardplate, like a chull, or a chasmfiend.

Captain Stormblessed finally spoke. "No," he said.

No, he didn't just say it, he begged. Adolins jaw dropped with shock. Before that moment, he would have laughed at anyone who claimed that the proud man could lower himself to plead like that. It felt...wrong.

"No," he said again, and almighty, were those tears in his eyes?

"Just let my men go. They won't say anything. I won't say anything. I don't want it. You can have it. I don't want it. Don't hurt my men. Please."

He was babbling. The proudest, most taciturn man on Roshar was babbling, pleading. Fearspren writhed sickly around his chest.

Adolin felt sick. He...must have been wounded in the head. That would be the most singularly cruel injury he could imagine. Worse than rotspren taking a hale warrior.

He glanced helplessly at his father, but he looked just as disturbed as Adolin felt.

Or — could the blade be doing this? It was impossible to miss the way it glowed, pulsing in time with the bridgemans gasps for air. Could it be cursed? Granting power, somehow healing a shardtaken arm, a body shattered from falling, but stealing the mind of the man who bore it?

"It's alright gancho," the hardassian said softly. "The fights over, eh? You can put it down, see, we're all friends here?"

"You have to run Hab," Stormblessed whispered, audible in the too still room. "It's a trap. They're going to..." he was barely able to stay on his feet, but he pushed at the smaller man, making sure to stay in between the Kholins and the uncertain bridge four guards.

More fearspren choked the air. Stone faces too — almighty above agonyspren too? Those hadn't even shone up when light had flooded to his shardtaken feet, and that couldn't have been comfortable.

The hardassian frowned. "Gancho, I'm getting the feeling you ain't completely with me. Surely you remember the Lopen? One armed hardassian? Irresistible to women? Your favorite wall decor?"

The Captain didn't seem to hear him, eyes glassy and unfocused. "No," he whimpered, looking at Adolin and Dalinar. "They're not a threat." He pushed the Herdassian further back. "I don't want the blade."

Adolin was glad his helmet was off, because he was pretty sure he was going to puke. This wasn't...he had tried sometimes, to put the darkeyed Captain in his place but storms...it wasn't right. The memory of his own behavior made him sick. Did the Captain really think so badly of him? That he would kill to steal the blade? Or was it just the delirium?

"It's alright Kaladin," one of the guards — Moash said, stepping forward. "It's not going to happen again. Bridge four is guarding the hall, just a shout away."

He glared at Adolin. Storms. Their entire guard thought that little of them?

Kaladin shook his head in Moash's direction, tears falling freely now. "We cant take them all, Coreb," he rasped. "We — you — you have to run."

His father finally spoke. "It's alright Soldier. I'm not Amaram. You're not there. You're safe. You're a hero."

Adolin and Kaladin stared in confusion.

Amaram? What in Damnation?

"I —" Stormblessed's voice cracked.

Father looked... hollowed out. He took a deep breath, then stepped toward the pedestal that held the sword. Moash, incredibly, lowered his spear at him.

Kelek's breath, Adolin knew that his men were loyal to their captain, but...stormfather.

Dalinar ignored him, lifting the sword, cloth wrapping the hilt, stepping forward.

Stormblessed's whole body was shaking now, scalpel barely staying in his grip. Still, Adolin barely restrained himself from stepping up to protect his father. On one hand, he could hardly imagine Stormblessed in a less threatening state. On the other hand, the Assassin in White might have thought the same.

Kaladin pushed Moash back, eyes fixed on Dalinar's approach.

"I am not Amaram," he repeated. "You know that soldier. Do you remember our conversation, after I exchanged the shardblade for you and your men?"

The captain blinked, scalpel still brandished in warning.

“What is a man’s life worth?” Dalinar asked, calmly stepping forward.

“The slavemasters say one is worth about two emerald broams,” Kaladin mumbled, frowning.

 “And what do you say?”

“A life is priceless,” he said immediately, blinking hard.

Dalinar smiled, then knelt down holding the blade in front of him, still not touching the hilt directly. Moash sucked in a shocked breath, and Adolin couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment.

“Coincidentally,” his father said. “That is the exact value of a Shardblade. Two days ago, you saved the four lives I hold most precious in this world, not to mention countless other priceless lives across Roshar. There is no treasure great enough to serve as payment for such a deed. If, as a start, you would be willing to accept what you have already earned, I would consider it a bargain.” He extended the sword, holding it perpendicular to them both.

“I…” Stormblessed blinked down at Dalinar in confusion. “Sir…?” 

The scalpel slipped through his fingers and landed on the floor with a clatter. Adolin exhaled in relief. I mean, the man could probably  do unreasonable amounts of damage with his bare hands but — still. One less thing to worry about.

The man blinked harder, eventually turning away from the blade to look at Moash.

"Syl," he said fervently. "Something's happened to Syl."

The lieutenant's eyes widened — he clearly recognized the name. Did bridgeboy have a girlfriend?

"It's alright Kal," he said soothingly. "Syl's tough, right? She always comes back."

"She always comes back," bridgeboy said, squeezing his eyes shut and swaying on his feet. Moash and the little Herdasian both moved quickly to steady him. "She has to come back," he whispered.

Dalinar rose smoothly, stepping back. "Perhaps it would be wise to allow the Captain more time to rest before discussing anything further."

"Of course brightlord," Moash said, nodding respectfully, as if he hadn't leveled a storming spear at his Highprince minutes ago. "Come on Kal." The three started moving slowly back to the bed.

Perhaps they were all going to pretend the last ten minutes hadn't happened. That seemed like a good plan to Adolin right now.

Upside of all this, Dalinar is pretty convinced about the Amaram accusation.

Funny conversation with Zahel because yeah fair enough you didn't need shardblade training but also because of that you definitely need shardblade training

REALLY funny conversation with Shallan because the boot stealing incident already happened, Kaladin's getting feasts and parades, and she's like oh. oh i done goofed.

Don't worry Syl's fine, it's just a tight fit until Kaladin's soul adjusts. She maybe even gets a nebulously defined sick power boost (ability to hold honorblade in physical realm perhaps?!?)

Kaladin gets ordered to go master his new powers and is just like. Ok. But i'm doing it because i want to, not because you told me to.

comes back a day later like Ok I can stick rocks together wahoo.

Comes back three days later like "I CAN FLY!! GUYS, GUYS I CAN STORMING FLY!!" it is the first time any lighteyes in camp have seen him smile and might cause several minor sexual crises

Learning to fly and getting to joyfully share it with bridge four right away because why not :)

Happily swapping the blade around bridge four giving a bunch of lighteyes aneurysms, though Syl insists on always taking it back after a bit because she's maybe sort of also bonded with it and its uncomfortable for it to go too far for too long

Incredibly resistant of new titles/lands. It becomes a thing.

Whitespine Uncaged except its like, 20 guys because it's a desperate trap for Kaladin specifically, trying to get him before he masters the honorblade and becomes the Blackthorn's unbeatable champion and the rest of the world get washed away in a river of blood.

...People are kindof freaking out about the blackthorn having a personal magic assassin

Adolin gets a little more beat to shit but they still manage to wreck everyone. I think Renarin also gets the honorblade for a hot minute and gets to go to town since this one doesn't scream. Possibly more of bridge four gets involved.

Absolute epic clusterfuck of a duel. 'Duel' is really the wrong word for 20 shardbarers trying desperately to kill a minor demigod and two pissed off kholins.

Dalinar and the King actually end up giving back a bunch of the shardblades and plate after the Kholin win because keeping all of them would be it's own political nightmare

i mean the 'duel' was already a painfully obvious metaphor. it's Kholins v Everyone Else time and the odds are not looking good for the everyone else side.

Kaladin gets his boon and duel with Amaram but of course it doesn't go how he wanted. Was there ever even a best case scenario here?

(Amaram desperately wants to become a radiant)

(Amaram has also accurately judged his likelihood of victory against the OP darkeye who has gotten even more OP since the last time he saw him to be approximately zero)

(Amaram sees the writing on the wall for house Sadeas now that Kholin is on the rise)

Amaram surrenders completely, throwing himself at Kaladin's feet, swearing over his lands and all that he owns, swearing eternal service to Kaladin in repayment for his sins. Kaladin really really really wants to kill him in cold blood but FUCK he's got morals that's like his whole thing

Kaladin: oh god does this mean i have to deal with Amaram all the time now

Dalinar: i mean he's yours to do with what you want. you could lock him away forever without trial.

Kaladin: oh god why is that even an option

Dalinar: ...the more politically expedient thing to do would be to keep him on as an advisor, at least until you get a better grip on his lands

Kaladin: oh GOD

Adolin kills Sadeas so now the other highprinces are REALLY freaking out

Actual radiant status gets hidden by glowing sword clearly giving Magic powers.

Like. The crabcat is out of the bag on the magic and flying but the sword is VERY CLEARLY GLOWING so. Fun sideways reveal.

TREMENDOUS number of assassination attempts because i can not stress this enough — this sword makes you unkillable and also gives you the power to fucking fly.

Oh! Forgot to mention: Shortly after waking up/bonding the blade he attends the meeting with Stormform!Eshonai, still dissociating slightly, because Syl is high on honorblade and extremely attuned to cognitive realm. Ends up helping Eshonai get rid of stormspren and bond her own light spren. End result for plot is this:

Rumors filter out that one of his powers is making people Radiant, so that's definitely adding to people going wild over him/The Blade/Dalinar's weird religious midlife crisis

new uneasy partial detante with Parshendi because at least one of them has superpowers now (thanks for that)

the desolation gets pushed back another year (tbh mostly because I want more time to explore plot device/political fallout of Kaladin being an absolutely overpowered freak amongst normies)

Stormlight AU Masterlist

[weisbrot]

I'll never say

That i'll never love

Oh, but I don't say a lot of things

- "the chain" by ingrid michaelson

[waitineedaname]

I love that the best emotional acting when it comes to facial expressions comes from Lan Wangji (microexpressions) and Jiang Cheng (macroexpressions). Lan Wangji doesn't emote much but when you're keyed in, the tiny little changes in his facial expression are Devastating. Meanwhile Jiang Cheng is feeling Every Emotion, All The Time, and you are going to see it on every inch of his face. He'll go through twenty different expressions in the same amount of seconds and that face journey will be but a brief glimpse into the awful emotional rollercoaster that is Jiang Cheng's life

[marimbles]

i miss carpisuns sometimes </3

[justskyla-art]

really rough chainsaw devil sketch i made in ms paint last night

[aro-culture-is]

Not an Aro-culture-is thing but I do have a question you might be able to answer? Is there an aromantic/asexual term for this: AroAce but if I wasn’t I would be gay? It might just be homoplatonic or homoaesthetic but idk if there was a term for it that relates to being AroAce. Thanks! <3

possibly you might vibe with oriented aroace labels, like gay aroace? i'll put this out there for other folks to consider as well, but I feel like oriented terminology sounds the most applicable from my POV.

[apple-spider-vinegar]

Not a Norman Osborn Apologist or a Norman Osborn Hater but a secret third thing

[bobsaname]

snow miser (a year without a santa claus) stim board

❄️🧊❄️|🧊❄️🧊|❄️🧊❄️

[icewindandboringhorror]

currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....

[annyankers]

I literally have fics I need to finish after years and ideas and half started things in the wings but now that I'm thinking about this concept I am bewitched.

I think a really fun idea for a "similar but different" rewrite/telling of the show is just "Buffy but her issues and anxieties present much differently"

Like here's Buffy's damage as I see/understand it, both the root and canon symptoms/examples when I have them:

Low self-esteem/relies immensely on external validation (makes decisions based on the scoobies opinions, like... all of season one, homecoming etc.) Obfuscates/undermines her own intelligence (she's obviously very smart and it's shown when she's in a supportive environment she does really well in academics so I truly think she doesn't always get how smart she is/doesn't try so she can't be let down/berated) Catastrophic abandonment issues (Merrick, Pike, her dad, Angel, Riley etc) Handles everything with avoidance/denial/repression/etc (see: her everything) Looming existential crisis and horror of her own short doomed life as a slayer (see: also her everything but especially her emotional ties and such as well as life planning or the noticeable lack of) Feeling out of control bc of said fate (her whole control freak thing is a response to this) Lack of communication skills (tied to low self-esteem, abandonment fears, being judged etc, also they're just hard) deep seated trust issues (the abandonments, being committed by her parents, all the various backstabs etc)

All of which are very good and compelling but like.... what if those things presented or where dealt with differently? here are my thoughts/notes on that:

Low self-esteem/relies immensely on external validation : constantly preforming a false identity, lying, like lowkey kinda two faced, actively keeping at a certain distance from others to mitigate how much their opinion matters to her, leaning on being the slayer for self-worth (taking it more seriously at first, caring more about the academic end, being a bit too much of a watcher's pet sometimes, saving people just for the "thank you" etc.) Obfuscates/undermines her own intelligence : actively tries to learn a lot of stuff and do her best in school/slayer studies to try and prove she's not stupid. like forcing herself to the point of meltdown to study because she doesn't want to look dumb, which only makes it harder for her to actually learn anything. Catastrophic abandonment issues : tug-o-war rollercoaster relationships, she desperately wants people in her life but she's also terrified of people leaving her so she tries to keep them at bay or cut them off completely when her anxiety peaks. Handles everything with avoidance/denial/repression/etc : comes off as totally unflappable and like a total cool girl when in reality she's having dry heaving panic attacks in the school bathroom because she simply cannot express or process a single emotion. Any she does emote are usually calculated and performed. Looming existential crisis and horror of her own short doomed life as a slayer : see above panic attacks but also fuels her constant whiplashing and inconsistencies, she wants to live her likely very short life to the fullest and experience as much as she can but there's so many things and the clock is ticking, so she bounces from trying to do everything to being paralyzed with choice anxiety which tends to lead to disaster. Feeling out of control bc of said fate : the panic attacks, also her trying to know sooooo much slayer stuff, as if becoming a phd in slayerness will unlock the power to control it. Also her eventually snapping at the council and trying to domineer them way earlier, also likely going WAY farther into bad girl behavior with faith (like drinking and a tattoo, the classics) Lack of communication skills : better communication skills on like, a technical level, but it's all anxiety fueled, she's just trying to make her case so accurately and so well she can't be punished for having a possibly unpopular opinion, also WAY more lying, like not just covering for slayerage or w/e but just full blown lying about herself and what she's doing and what she wants. Deep seated trust issues : would rather eat a gun than admit to a feeling, micromanages people, endless trust tests that just make people disgusted with her, relationship dysfunctions like not dating people she likes only people she doesn't feel threatened by, finds emotional release by having a biweekly meltdown instead of talking to anyone about anything

I will also put it here just for the sake of clarity since this whole post is a fucking mess structurally but when I mean Buffy takes being the slayer more seriously I don't mean she goes the full Kendra, just that her starting point is more like where she is around season 5 or 7 tho with way less self confidence. Like she's walking in with iffy self-esteem and being told she's Special and the world is bigger and more magical than she thought and she's important to it. So she tries to do a good job and be curious about her lineage at first, to Be A Hero as a means of making herself feel better about who she is. After Merrick dies and everything in LA is Bad and her parents commit her and divorce because of her tho... she absolutely back slides to the refusal of the call we see in S1. Prophecy Girl is still important for her accepting her destiny but the energy is more like getting back to where she was from a more healthy and genuine place. So there's more of that like.... action hero who retired after a Mission Gone Bad trying to forgive themselves and get back into the good fight vibe.

Here's some ways I can see these changes in how her issues present could change the narrative:

Giles and Buffy becoming extremely close starting in mid-late S1 because he found her having one of her many meltdowns at the very back of library and she wordvomitted her many existential crises at him and he's just you know, a decent human being. This feeds into her trying to be the Bestest Little Slayer and his protectiveness come prophecy girl and infinitely increases his conflict come helpless. Like when you know your slayer is paralyzed by the looming knowledge of their death, how they may never do all these things they really wanted to do or never be able to accurately express to their loved ones their feelings before they die a horrific death it because they feel so inherently transient as a person it makes it VERY HARD to then betray that fragile trust and possibly get them killed.

Actually looks into Angel(us) herself WAY WAY WAY EARLIER, like immediately on knowing he's a vamp, both to because she wants to be the Bestest Little Slayer and because she's looking for excuses/reasons to shut down a possible friendship.

Platonic and not romantic bangel. I'll admit I'm not a bangel shipper of the bat which is a factor, but this is actually me kinda looking out for the bangel and angel girlies (gender neutral) in my own way. One of my biggest beefs with the fandom and writers of both shows is how they tend to fixate on the sex changing angel when it's explicitly stated a few times it's the emotional connection that made him lose his soul. If Buffy is too much of a disaster to even date someone when serious emotions are involved, let alone have sex with someone bc Trust Issues, then we can focus on their connection. If Angel loses his soul after say, sharing a meaningful moment with Buffy where they feel like they've found the only other person who could understand them and they're friends then just hammers in that it's the contentment that understanding brings which is the trigger. We're validating the connection here at the core of bangel just from a different angle which imo is always fun with any ship.

Related to her friendship with Angel, Buffy has a much more nuanced view on demons in part because she's just more curious about the world she was dropped into and what the slayer even is. This allowance for nuances and grace for demons is also a manifestation of her own anxieties about herself. She's clearly not a normal human, even if she doesn't learn about the origins of the slayer until Season 7 if you're someone who sits and thinks about it all, it's not hard to see the similarities between her and demons before then. And she does think (too much) so she does see it and it does make her anxious. So you know.... leave a little gap for good demons... and things... because what if.... you know...

Willow and Xander (and to be fair everyone, even Buffy) get called out on their bullshit way way way more. Since Buffy ping-pongs between desperately wanting connection while trying to maintain emotional space and full blown trying to burn bridges so they can't hurt her in some nebulous negative future she says a LOT of shit without filter and the explicit intent to hurt with plenty of actual canonical evidence to use for ammo. To keep the Scoobies actually together through all that there's a lot of maturing and owning up that has to happen much faster than it does in canon. Like it'd be a miracle for Xander to still be her friend just after asking her out because of her issues with trust/attachment/emotion etc without some very serious work done and Willow would get wrung the fuck out for Something Blue because of how out of control it made her feel/what it exposed about her issues.

More prominent Oz-Buffy friendship which later becomes immensely important and a tension with her and Willow come Something Blue. It starts just as like, Oz is so relaxed and seemingly aloof it makes her feel safer than everyone else, like she doesn't need to talk or act as much so there's less threat. Given his overall zen this later becomes a really important friendship and crutch for her and she's nearly as upset as Willow when he leaves. The fact she's the other person who was deeply hurt by this and Willow was all Like That and diminishing her pain in Something Blue is a blow out for them.

Knows who Spike is by reputation tho not by face or anything, this is again part the Bestest Little Slayer complex. Which can lead to interesting dynamics down the road. I personally like to think of it starting as a morbid kind of celebrity/professional fixation thing since he killed two slayers and she's lowkey anxious about her expiration date. Like yes she fought Lothos, who depending on how you wanna handle the pre-series lore, killed some amount of slayers, his method was to swoop in when they were very fresh, hypnotize them and then kill them. Dangerous yes but it's similar to Angelus' whole MO and implies an unwillingness to get into real combat with a slayer. Spike however, has actually beaten slayers at their own game which is a whole different kettle of fish. I think it also likely means she cares about his opinion more than in canon, again as being the Bestest Little Slayer, like if Spike of all people says "wow Buffy you sure are the swellest slayer I've ever met" it would mean more because he's met and fought other slayers.

The stuff with Faith is Even Messier because Buffy is a messier person and for all her attempts to push people away when she meets someone who she thinks will truly Get her she fixates. Hard. Basically we're moving some of the messy relationship energy of bangel onto fuffy to 1. give that emotional growth/damage somewhere to go while highlighting the hold Faith has on her 2. confirm Buffy as a bisexual disaster queen.

Buffy being closer with Cordy and Anya because they're so aggressively straight forward. It soothes her relationship based anxieties to have only aggressive and no passive lol. Related to that she's much closer with Tara too, for reasons more in line with the Oz Thing. Buffy might lowkey like Willow's partners more than Willow sometimes oops sdkjfghdlsfk.

Buffy in Helpless not just telling the Council to eat shit but like actively threatening unhinged targeted anti-council violence if they don't meet her demands (basically a lil fucking respect and employee status since she's already fully in her "what do i do for food money when I graduate" spiral). This is a Buffy who snaps between wanting approval and wanting to viciously protect what little life, and the quality of it, she has left.

Sees the Initiative immediately as a threat because she's a catastrophizer, has trust issues, and paradoxically trusts Spike's judgment about work related calls.

100% doesn't date Riley lol absolutely sticks to her guns on that, at least as like, a serious boyfriend. If she does anything like date him it's for information on the Initiative. This is a Buffy who is slower to get into truly meaningful relationships with people she has actual feelings for, so she absolutely wouldn't date him genuinely. Like genuinely I think her longest official relationship was Scott Hope for context. She's also shitty enough that she would date him as a manipulation and not feel to bad about it -- again Bestest Little Slayer™ complex is a hell of a drug.

Instead of being all dopey and happily engaged in Something Blue Buffy is an anxious wretch dry heaving in Giles' bathroom convinced their marriage is doomed before it started because Spike will realize she's not worth the trouble or her silently cuddled into Spike while he tries to soothe her. This full blown display of how genuinely messed up her mental/emotional state is in front of all their friends and a dude who could actively use this info against her almost completely destroys her friendship with Willow (and everyone because she's too Ashamed to be seen after that) and she even lives at home for a bit. That life choice turns out to be good because she gets Good Mom Advice and after some meaningful talks her friendship with Willow is way stronger, her other friendships are more open and Giles helps her navigate some things.

Bonus comedy coming from Buffy's progress in being more open with her friends and such coming in the context of her just straight up having a panic attack in the middle of Scooby meetings and shit. Like after a bit of getting used to it it's just them all patiently waiting or continuing to talk while Buffy paces, hyperventilates, dry heaves, hunches over, goes thru all 5 stages of grief, laughs maniacally, etc for 10 minutes before bouncing back like "Okay :D I feel better now!!! :D!!!!!". like it's genuinely fully to think of Xander eating a donut and timing how long this one is gonna take and being like "hey congrats, you only cursed god for 5 minutes this time! Progress!"

This also is a good way to allow for more openings to let Xander Not Suck and do more heart themed good stuff. Like he may not be a superhero but he comprehends constantly fucking mclosing it because he too, is constantly fucking mclosing it. So we get more chances to see him being a good friend which I'm always for.

Literally all of Spuffy is just weirder and wilder in a completely different direction. Buffy getting the "you're the most specialist little slayer ever" validation from Spike is something she did want but not in this context, it is sadly however, still doing happy things in her brain to her horror. Also in cold pragmatic way, it's very much a relief to know he's not interested in killing her anymore, but then again him loving her is infinitely more scary because to her love is scarier than death. So this is like.... a mental-emotional/psychosexual saw trap built just for her by Pinhead lol. Ironically we're playing way more into Spike's strengths as a old timey romantic and a predator with it being more of a chase than whatever the fuck you'd call canon. Also because he's tenacious it forces exploration of the issues around her refusals to be emotionally intimate and honest. Because he's so sensitive and she does respect his work as a bloodthirsty killer that she's like "look, it's NOT about you this is A ME ISSUE" and he... is Spike.... so lksdjfghkjlsfd he's a SAP he's gonna try to teach her how to looooooveeee it'll be fineeeeeeeee [cue a series of disasters]

Buffy probably shipping everyone out of Sunnydale the second she realizes Glory is a god tbhhhhh. Even Joyce like sorry mom you're gonna live in a hospital in Switzerland or something for a few months rip. Like I feel like that's the realistic move for this Buffy but it's likely possible to come up with a reason why she can't do that for the plot lol.

Buffy dropping everyone who was involved in bringing her back to life like a hot potato and being way more visibly unhinged about what happened to her. Her emotionally stability was rockier to start, she's less of a constant people pleaser, and she's just kinda more prone to being actively cruel so it just kinda tracks. Fences do eventually get mended over time, likely spearheaded by someone like Tara who mainly just wanted to properly apologize, not get back in her good graces (which is why it even happens).

Spuffy this season is probably it's own weird mix of healthier and toxic in a different way sdkljfghdfjk like more co-dependent with her hiding behind Spike and making him do all the emotional labor she can't stomach doing and him encouraging it because he needs the validation it gives him. Also she backslides on any progress she made towards improved emotional intimacy. the pro of becoming emotionally dependent on Spike tho is that he's the consummate caretaker and a sap, so she gets a lot of the quiet and softness and patience she needs. Like it could've been worse dfkljghds

THERE'S LIKELY MORE THINGS but I'm starting to run out of what was already kinda in my brain or occurred to me while writing this and this is ALREADY SO FUCKING LONG.

I JUST HAVE THOUGHTS AND THINK IT WOULD BE INTERESTING IF SHE HAD ROUGHLY THE SAME BAGGAGE BUT IT PRESENTED DIFFERENTLY

[luck-of-the-drawings]

when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

[arundolyn]

ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode

[dayurno]

i like the fact that everyone sees jeremy as this heart of gold boy who's going to be good for kevin or jean (and i do rly believe that's true) but i'm so glad you're also seeing the potential of him being an awful tease like just pushing at ppl for the fun of it because it's fine since he's there to catch them also. he'd annoy kevin to no end and relish in watching the self-disappointment on kevin's face as he realizes he wants to fuck jeremy despite all of it

LISTEN me and the fandom have had very different ideas of what a sunny personality entails for a long time now, and i (personally!) think there is nothing more boring than a jeremy with no grit of his own. he does not need to be fox material, but he desperately needs a personality that goes beyond smiling and supporting jean. this is not just from a personal fancy; in any story worth telling he needs to be as much of a powerhouse as kevin and jean for it to work

that's what's making him so hard (but so fun!) to write for me. yesterday me and my beta went over the first chapter of my fic and added a bunch of changes to jeremy's voice, and i'm expecting to have to add a lot more in further chapters. it is REALLY fun though to imagine a jeremy that gets to have all these flaws: takes things too far, is an incorrigible tease, is neurotic and vain and vapid and can talk to you for hours without saying a single thing about himself. writing him and jean clash has been some of the most fun i've had in weeks with writing and i'm loving my new dolls to smush together. i love men who are dogs

but yes. re: kevin, i think he really makes jeremy worse :=) he likes running kevin in circles with words and flirting with him and flustering him and he specially loves competing with him. they're adoring rivals after all.... what's a girl gonna do. i will stop handing out snippets because i have to actually finish and post this eventually but heres a part that had me smiling for hours on end

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

you absolutely already know this, but i adore your work. i think it's hard to avoid the pressure of being surrounded by people we might consider "true artists," but the fact is that, frankly, everyone who makes art is an artist.

before this year, i hadn't drawn a complete piece in nearly three years. the line work i did produce felt abysmal and i was tempted to give up. then, i saw your comic and i thought, "wow, that's really cute, and it looks like a fun style to emulate."

i drew you, pondering me, eating grass. and it WAS fun. i forgot how fun it could be. i can draw lesbian horses, or pony!WWX throwing a chicken, or me eating grass. i can even make shitty memes! and all of it, no matter how good or how bad, is fun again.

you bring a lot of fun to people here. that's something equally as important as people who cultivate fancy line work or expert level digital painting. i'm sure that's something you know, but i hope it never hurts to hear it.

happy first season, friend! i can't wait to see the rest.

As a chronic perfectionist, it's been a long journey for me to accept that 'done is better than nothing' and that the worst critical voice is my own. Sure there's people who've gone to professional art schools, and those with a more than a decade of experience on me, but honestly? Would I tell a child their sonic drawing isn't art? Just because they have no 'experience' or 'technique'? Absolutely not. So I'm no longer saying my efforts should not count as art.

At the end of the day, art is what we choose to make it. We have the power to create whatever we want. And we are going to use it to have fun! We never lost the love and fun for creation we all had as children, we just told ourselves it wasn't enough. But it really is B*)