#i really really want to participate. incredibly meaningful event to me

[starflungwaddledee]

REALLY want to do some kirbytober but trying to decide exactly how to participate, sorry to be running a little late!

what do we most want to see? no bald/combo option because i want to know the actual preference for something like this!

[simpxxstan]

550 followers!!!

cannot believe that so many of you visited, liked and decided to stay on my blog! thank you for being here!! do know that i am grateful to each and every one of you <333 tumblr is a wonderful community space and i am so glad to be a part of it.

i've seen many other blogs i follow do this, and i've taken part in such games too, so here's my attempt at it to celebrate my small, but incredibly meaningful and precious milestone:

550 followers milestone celebration event!

masterlist of this event can be found here!

to celebrate this milestone, i really want to do a request event using your asks. i'll be so happy if you participate in this, and i know i'm a little free now so i promise to answer as many of your requests as i can.

please do note that you can request me anything under the following guidelines:

please be 18+ and have your age mentioned on your blog to request a smut content. if you're requesting as anonymous, i would really ask minors to NOT request or interact with smut content on this blog (or any, for that matter).

i will not write requests involving dead dove content, sexual content for minors, incest, gore, extreme kinks. please also be mindful that this list is not exhaustive and if i feel uncomfortable, i will not be fulfilling your request.

please do not expect request fulfilling content to be very long. they'll likely be headcanons/drabbles/bulleted fics, all less than 3k words.

i will fulfil requests assuming female reader pairing, but should you like gender neutral reader or male reader, please specify that too!

i generally write for bts and svt. but you can request for the following groups as well: skz, riize, monsta x.

requests can be using the following ideas:

option 1: a member + a song lyric/title

option 2: a member + a trope

option 3: a member + a concept

option 4: a member + the first line of the fic

option 5: a member + the last line of the fic

option 6: headcanons of any form

in addition to this, in honour of this celebration, i'm also going to complete the boys over flowers series, a surprise headcanon series, and finish two more wips i have been working on, by the end of this month! (sorry to everyone who's been waiting for me to keep my promises and finish my wips UGH)

my ask box and dms are open for requests till the END OF JULY, post which REQUESTS WILL BE CLOSED! looking forward to hearing from you <3

[haejjoon]

wait hifumi was originally planned to be a phantom thief??? that makes SO much sense

i don’t necessarily hate makoto but hifumi would have made a lot more sense as a strategist. makoto’s only put into that role bc she’s apparently smarter than everyone else for some reason.

also i really love ex machina. you’re actually setting up characters before they become a part of the PT and having them actually act like friends. a lot of the confidants in game feel like you’re just using them to better yourself in the meta verse instead of actually trying to make a meaningful connection, and i think you fix that

alright im about to say smth thats gna make mako lovers HATE me

i dont think .... makoto's ... necessarily. smart.

idk i just never saw her do any... critical thinking? the only instances of her wowing the thieves with her Massive Brain is when she shows off her incredible memory—recognizing kaneshiro's palace lock, remembering the rotary lock for his treasure, etc etc ...

but like... this girl walked up to a mafia thug and straight up went "hey are you guys smuggling drugs". ???????

and she wants to be?? a cop????? because she thinks that she can change the system from the inside by participating in it?????? like any rational person would tbink that being a government official or politician would be more effective, right? SHE STILL WANTS TO BE A COP DESPITE AKIREN'S EXPERIENCES WITH THE SYSTEM. ???

i dont think shes smart at all i just think she remembers things rly well ... we only know she's "smart" because the thieves constantly take turns on her dick and praise her for every word she says im oughrhrjrnrjejhrbdbUGHC.

(if you couldnt tell. im not her biggest fan.)

ahem. anyway

thank you so much for the compliment :] i wish persona games were more involved with its cast. none of the confidant ranks play an active role in the plot and if they do they're locked behind a story event, which sets of massive alarms for any first timers playing (cough akechi cough). im glad you like it!

alright bracing myself for the mako stans to rip out my throat

[void-chara]

ok i already said in replies that im just arguing for fun here, but i wanna repeat it again, if this stops being fun or if im wording things in a way that upsets you, please lmk

With that being said! I have some disagreements with this post, especially with what you have stated to be the core of Lifesteal, your perception of certain new players adaptions to it, and your claims about past seasons.

Because lifesteal has the reputation of being the lying and betraying and killing people server.  But it is just Not That. Like obviously those things have happened on the server, fine.  But lifesteal is far far far more about teammates. Believing that they will have your back. Working together to do cool shit. Trusting each other. 

Personally, I see no reason these things cannot coexist? Lifesteal is called The Deadliest SMP for a reason. It started as a PVP server, not a lore server or building server, and player conflict is still a large part of its focus. I do get what you mean about the close bonds of some teams, and certain players intense loyalty and dedication to each other, being a huge part of the draw of the server. But I would not say that the team bonds are the focus more than the conflict is. The team bonds are only so strong because of the way the constant conflict and stress of the server drives people to depend on each other. The loyalty is only so impactful because this is the lying and betrayal server, and because of that constant risk and expectation of betrayal. If Lifesteal wasn't as full as it is of betrayals and violence, the Lifestealers would have no need to form such strong bonds, and so the teams and the violence cannot be separated when talking about what is so special about Lifesteal. Lifesteal cannot be more about the teams than about the conflict, because the conflict is what makes those teams so compelling in the first place. They are linked.

Also, there are many compelling moments of trust in Lifesteal, but there are just as many incredibly memorable moments of distrust and paranoia. The Rekrap Paranoia is iconic for a reason. Lifesteal is a server where you have to constantly be watching your back, and this need to be constantly on guard is a huge part of what makes it so compelling. Branzy talked in his quitting video about how with Lifesteal, even outside the server, any conversation you have with any of the members could be part of someones plot to kill you, or trap you, or any number of things. This lack of ability to trust someones intentions, the constant paranoia even outside the game, is such an iconic part of the server. Once again, the rare moments of trust would not be so compelling and special if betrayal and trickery were not so prevalent.

Lifesteal is the "lying and betraying and killing people server", and it has that reputation for very good reason. If it weren't for that well deserved reputation, the teams and trust you say are the true meaning would not be nearly so important, and so betrayal and trickery and violence cannot be separated from the true or core meaning of Lifesteal.

It’s about commitment and honor and respect and working together on an interesting goal. 

If I've interpreted your point here correctly, I don't actually disagree with this in any meaningful way. I just want to point out that saying Lifesteal is about honor is really fucking funny to me. This is the s1 admin abuse server. This is the anything is legal if the admin doesn't know about it server.

To respond in a more serious way, I absolutely agree that Lifesteal is about commitment and dedication and teamwork to pull off wildly impressive projects in terms of scale, imagination, difficulty, etc.

By honor, I assume you mean regarding the creation of videos and other content? If so, I generally agree here too(with some exceptions, that I won't get into in this reblog). Showing up to events they know are likely traps, agreeing to in-game meetings instead of insisting on discord calls, participating in things even if not planning to make a video out of it, all of this and many other things they do are about helping each other to make better content.

I assume that by honor you don't mean any type of honesty or sportsmanship though. Lifestealers will stoop to any tactic for an advantage, as long as itll be good in a video(or as long as it can be edited out of a viedo). Claiming you need someones footage for a video and then using it to find and trap their spawn, duping and hacking and exploiting, backdooring the plugin, claiming youll give someone gear back after a death and then killing them, what, three times? while theyre naked and keep coming back out of trust that surely this time you'll be merciful, taking a 1v1 and secretly planning to go invis and swap out with other teammates to get around the no restocking rule, straight up breaking the no restocking rule, teaming with someone with the sole goal of betraying them later for your own gain, using meetups to log onto peoples accounts and steal their hearts, shutting down other peoples computers, using lag machines to rig a fight in your favor, just straight up refusing to play by the rules of a puzzle, refusing to play by the server rules, all this has been around since the start of the server, even with only the "og" Lifestealers. I mean, even s1 had heart duping and admin abuse. Lifestealers have no concept of in-game honor, only honor with regards to what would make good content. And even that has always been occasionally lacking. i love them i love how shitty they all can be <3

They sacrifice for each other. They protect each other. They pick each other up when they get killed by their enemies. They encourage them when they’re down. Help them be strong against their fears. Get each other gear and hearts and make sure they’re safe. Spend hours on each other’s arc together in vc all night. 

I do agree with this a lot, I love how dedicated some teams can be to each other. When players encourage each other after losses, watching them comfort each other, the progression as they get each other from moping back into strategizing ways to turn this in their favor, that's one of my favorite type of stream to watch.

They lie to OTHERS for their team. They protect the wormhole for months even when they don’t want to or believe in it at all.

Saying they lie to other people for the sake of their team(possibly implying, that they don't lie to teammates?), and then bringing up the wormhole next sentence, is incredibly funny. All the biggest lies around the wormhole were told to teammates. The wormhole project started with Vitalasy lying (by omission, iirc) to Spoke and Ash about his purpose for the project, not telling them this was all to get the glitch patched(which Spoke was upset about!). Later in the season, while Vitalasy was more honest with Zam about his motives for being part of the wormhole team, he repeatedly lied directly to Zam, his teammate, about Vitalasy's involvement in the wormhole, and what it was. The wormhole wouldn't have even been possible without Spoke lying to Parrot on an incredibly large scale, multiple times, social engineering his way into operator by exploiting Parrot's trust in him, trust earned from all the time they'd spent teamed. There are plenty of other lies surrounding the wormhole, but all the biggest ones are told between teammates. You could have picked any other example. This isnt even a serious criticism it's just really funny and i want to point it out. "Lifestealers lie to other people for their teams sake. There was this time where a bunch of Lifestealers all lied to their own teammates for months." Its a pretty funny set of sentences.

It makes me so fucking mad that you could boil down this beautiful server into lying and killing and go on it and be like, I heard princezam betrays every team he’s on obviously we should betray everyone and be on the lookout for every single person being a betrayer. 

Who is it you think is doing that? Of the players I can think of who would have the context of having watched or heard about Zams past seasons, and to bother with lore and storytelling, I have faith in them to care about trying to tell their stories compellingly and passionately, and not just try to copy whatever is popular or worked for someone else. As for being on guard for betrayal constantly, I think its reasonable to be suspicious of other players on Lifesteal, and be on the lookout for potential betrayal. Especially if this person has already been betrayed, and is not wanting to repeat that experience.

I can’t even think of any notable betrayals from before s5. Most of the server does not betray ever. Most of the server never lies.  They only lie and betray when it’s for the benefit of the content. 

...I think I'm misunderstanding what you are trying to say here. Are you talking about specific types of betrayals? Because there are so many betrayals from earlier seasons. Everyone on the server lies and betrays, with incredible frequency. s4 was full of it, obviously, with all the wormhole lies zam probably setting some sort of betrayal related record. But back in s3 they were present too, Branzy attempts to lull Rek into a false sense of security in order to trap him, Branzy betraying Vitalasy to Clownpierce not once but twice, whatever Parrot and Rek had going on has to count for something, Team Chaos betraying The Dirties, and surely so many other examples I'm forgetting. s2 and s1 almost certainly also had plenty of betrayal and backstabbing, though I'd have to rewatch some videos to refresh my memory.

So, you must mean some specific type of betrayal, right? But then, you specify they only lie and betray when it's for the benefit of content, which means that the specific type they don't do would be anything that isn't for those purposes? But all lying and betraying benefits content, in my opinion, in that it gives more plot points for videos, lying especially is utilized by many Lifestealers for more consistent videos, and all betrayal no matter the motive gives other players things to react against. I fail to see how any betrayal could be not good for content, though if you'd like to provide examples I am open to reconsidering.

But the new members just do not understand what “for content” means. They just kill randomly. They don’t defend each other. They don’t tell the other teammate to give the heart back bc it’s been proven enough that they’re innocent. They’re constantly suspicious and will only meet if there are no enemies online. 

I disagree strongly with basically everything said here. How would the new members not understand doing things for content? They are all creators already, successful ones, clearly they know about making good videos and/or streams already. They are familiar with creating good content, doing things for videos and views and entertainment. There has always been random killing on Lifesteal. People have always been hunted down and killed for little to no reason, since the first seasons. Back in s2, when new people joined, they would be killed several times before finally managing to escape spawn and gear up. Spawnkilling motivated solely by want for hearts or even boredom is not new.

As for not giving hearts back, Lifesteal is an anarchy PVP server. Shit isnt fair sometimes. It is nice when players return hearts after misunderstandings, but it is not a requirement, a rule or guarantee. This isnt Hermitcraft, there is no gentlemen's rules here, this is a server full mainly of teenage boys who don't give a shit about pissing each other off. Sometimes people will be mean or rude. it is a server where the majority of the players are PVP sweats who tend to get a bit toxic.

Also, just because new players do things differently, doesn't mean they do them bad. If everyone all acted the same, it'd be pretty boring. I think its fine for the new players to be a bit different, it makes their clashes with the players who've been there longer way more interesting because of their differences in attitude.

Lastly, if someone has already been hunted down and killed that day, by a player who logs on to kill them whenever they appear at any public location, and the player trying to meet with them is someone they suspect of selling them out to the player hunting them, I think it is entirely reasonable to be paranoid about in-game meetings and not want to meet up with someone. I dont like it, I prefer when people take risks for content, but I don't think its unreasonable at all.

of course, these are all my opinions!! ive been watching lifesteal since s2 started, and have watched many streams and almost every video posted(just a few from s1 and s2 i havent gotten around to yet), but this doesnt make me some sort of authority on whats true of the server! in fact, sometimes having watched so much actually makes it harder to remember specific events, and things that did happen once or twice can warp into larger more frequent occurrences in my memory. if you or anyone else wants to argue back against any of the points i made here, please go for it, i love hearing new perspectives, and having to really think deeply about what i think about the server and why i believe it!! ty for letting me argue with your post, this was really fun

Ok just caught up and like. What the fuck man. 

I literally all can do is just sit here and hope and pray that the old members stick it out and help the new members understand what lifesteal is actually about.

Because lifesteal has the reputation of being the lying and betraying and killing people server. 

But it is just Not That. Like obviously those things have happened on the server, fine. 

But lifesteal is far far far more about teammates. Believing that they will have your back. Working together to do cool shit. Trusting each other. 

It’s about commitment and honor and respect and working together on an interesting goal. 

It’s about not screwing over your teammates for a cheap moment that ruins the rest of your relationship on the server. (Mapicc showed this perfectly this week too! He ended the experiments because he’d rather have a teammate than execute a crazy emotional manipulation arc on Zam and really push him over the edge.) 

They sacrifice for each other. They protect each other. They pick each other up when they get killed by their enemies. They encourage them when they’re down. Help them be strong against their fears. Get each other gear and hearts and make sure they’re safe. Spend hours on each other’s arc together in vc all night. 

They lie to OTHERS for their team. They protect the wormhole for months even when they don’t want to or believe in it at all.

They do tiny little things that they know the other person will like just so they know they love them and appreciate them being on the team. They say it too, to each other’s faces. 

It’s about loving each other bro. There’s a massive fucking reason why there’s so much shipping fanart man. They fucking love each other platonically so damn much and so damn perfectly that you can make it romantic and it’s like not even like all that weird.

It makes me so fucking mad that you could boil down this beautiful server into lying and killing and go on it and be like, I heard princezam betrays every team he’s on obviously we should betray everyone and be on the lookout for every single person being a betrayer. 

Zam fucking lost his mind over betraying team awesome and eclipse. He AGONIZED for MONTHS before pulling the trigger for eclipse and he didn’t betray team awesome until after their massive arc together that he was completely loyal to, finished it out as a team, and only when they looked like they weren’t going to give up their unfair advantage did he seek to leave them. And he fought them and left.

The fucking respect he has for a team is insane.

And same goes for Bacon and Mapicc. 

as for others:

Ro only betrays if he gets a better offer (from mapicc) 

Leo betrays when it’s interesting for the story to have a juggernaut.

Spoke betrays only when he has his own bigger plan to execute that will create something interesting for the whole server to encounter. 

Clown only betrays when you go against his morals of creating content by chaos. 

I can’t even think of any notable betrayals from before s5. Most of the server does not betray ever. Most of the server never lies. 

They only lie and betray when it’s for the benefit of the content. 

And that’s what fucking makes me so upset about this. Bacon is doing this arc for the BETTERMENT of the server. He literally says he’s doing it to make other people’s lives on the sever more interesting. It ain’t even about him. He’s not even making a video about this. He just likes to do cool shit on the server because it’s fun to craft an overarching story for everyone to play into.

It’s never been about hearts man. 

The most valuable resource on the server is content. 

And Bacon understands this. In a way that quite possibly could make him a worldender like spoke and clown. He’s really getting into the role of strategizing fun things for the server to do for no other reason than someone has to do it and that it’s good for the server. 

But the new members just do not understand what “for content” means. They just kill randomly. They don’t defend each other. They don’t tell the other teammate to give the heart back bc it’s been proven enough that they’re innocent. They’re constantly suspicious and will only meet if there are no enemies online. 

It’s not about the hearts man. 

It’s about the team.

[lalazentangleart]

Exploring Art Worlds: From ARTBO to MoMA

As I talked about in this blog before, I have been fortunate enough to be exposed to art my entire life. I came from a family with a lot of artists and I was little they has taken me along with them on their artistic journey. One of our favorite annual activities as a family is attending ARTBO - Bogotá International Art Fair every year.

We look forward to this event all year long! When we arrive at the fair, it's like entering another world filled with creativity and inspiration from artists around the globe. We spend hours walking through each exhibition booth admiring different styles of artwork ranging from traditional paintings and sculptures, to digital photography and multimedia installations. I'm especially excited when my dad gets involved in some way; whether that means helping out with setting up exhibitions or participating by showcasing some of his own work from him alongside other talented creators.

At ARTBO - Bogotá International Art Fair, you get lost among incredible works created by people who share your passion: art lovers who want their creations admired but also shared beyond their walls. This unique opportunity allows you to not only appreciate what others have made but also learn about new techniques that will help inspire your own work too. As someone who grew up surrounded by art, these types of events are essential parts in fulfilling my creative curiosity!

At 2021, my family and I went to NYC for a long-awaited trip. We had been planning it for months, but due to the pandemic we weren't able to go to the MOMA because it was sold out at forum restriction. However, a few weeks ago I found out that I was going to return to NYC along with my university, so I decided to find out as much as I could to visit the museum. I came across a video of a one hour guided tour of some of his most important works that was very helpful (https://youtu.be/beS9LIsLJ9w) and with the applications Google Arts & Culture and SmARTify where you can scan each work get general feedback about them - including photos comments – which is incredibly helpful when visiting museums like this one!. In this way I was able to share my experience with my family and friends in more detail. I really enjoyed the visit to the museum, it seemed crazy to me to have such well-known works just a few steps from me. it seemed like a dream

My favorite work of art from the (MoMA) was Fulang-Chang and I by Frida Kahlo. This painting was completed in 1937, depicting two figures: a small monkey wearing an earring on its left ear de ella and Kahlo herself with her de ella signature unibrow de ella, dressed in traditional Mexican clothing. The background consists of lush foliage that appears to be set somewhere outdoors with a bright blue sky overhead.

I find this piece incredibly captivating due to the symbolism it conveys through its vibrant colors and surrealistic imagery. The monkey symbolizes loyalty while Kahlo's outfit de ella represents her cultural identity de ella as a Mexican woman living during a time when women were not given many rights or freedoms; both elements come together to create an empowering message about self-expression despite societal norms at the time. Additionally, there are various other symbols hidden within the painting such as birds which represent freedom while butterflies signify transformation – all adding up to make for quite an engaging artwork!

The advice this work gives artists today is simple yet powerful: don't be afraid to express yourself no matter what others may think or say about you! As more people become aware of their own identities - whether they identify as part of marginalized communities or simply just individuals who want their voices heard - it's important for us all take inspiration from works like Fulang-Chang and I so we can continue telling our stories without fear or shame attached to them. In doing so, we can create meaningful works that will inspire generations after us too!

[jahayla-parker]

Hi congratulations 🎉 your writing is amazing as always putting a smile on people faces, including mine! 💜 I would like to make a request for your event, please.

Tom Holland x reader, where Tom is a gentleman decides to treat his girl, his Queen! To a posh private restaurant, in New York City. Even buying her a fancy comfortable dress because Tom is something extra! They have a good time, Tom and you having flirty, banter with sweet pet names such as Darling.. (my fave) 😂

I fall to my knees at Darling, it’s my weakness but shh 🤫 it’s a secret 😁

Back to the request, they ofc can’t go somewhere without having people taking photos of them sadly, but you are use to it! Tom being such a sweet boyfriend protects you from the paparazzi. You go back to a cozy hotel, it’s so comfortable cuddling up in bed!

The next day you see Photos of you in the media with sweet comments about how Tom is such a gentleman, protecting and treating you! 🥺 you share with Tom smiling, as he is proud that you are his, and he is yours!

Also, can you please include them kissing too such as a make out session because Tom can’t keep his hands or lips off you.. just loving you for you all the time.

Thank you so much, i really appreciate all you write, say because you so sweet! I hope it isn’t too much 😅

Hi thank you for this request and congratulating me! Sorry it took so long!

The event is now closed, thank you everyone for participating!

Join my taglist here!

My Darling Queen: Tom Holland x Reader + SMAU

Summary: Tom take his girlfriend out for a fancy date night, going out of his way to ensure she has a great night.

Warnings: Suggestive, implied smut, making out, curse words. 18+ please given material

.

Y/n smiles as she applies her highlighter, still really excited for tonight.

Tom and y/n have been together for roughly two years now.

So they’ve gone on plenty of dates, both casual and posh.

However, Tom had been in New York for the last month filming and y/n finally now had the ability to fly out to join him.

Tonight was their first night back together in a month.

Most of the time their schedules would align really well to where they’d be able to travel with the other whenever needed for their jobs.

This time, Tom had to move up his start date and y/n’s work got in the way for a few weeks and they were missing each other as a result.

It was clear Tom was putting a lot of effort into this date tonight.

He always loved to spoil her, gift giving being a part of his love language.

This dress though was a big gift.

Well, their temporary NY apartment now that she made it out here.

Well, their temporary NY apartment now that she made it out here.

She hummed to herself as she did the next part of her makeup routine, daydreaming about seeing Tom tonight.

She couldn’t wait to see him, hug him, hold him, kiss him, etc.

Meanwhile, Tom buttoned his jacket and fixed his hair once more.

Nodding eagerly to himself, he had Harry and his body guard help him out to the car.

Harry offered to pick up the flowers Tom preordered for y/n so that he didn’t have to get out.

But Tom wanted to handle it himself, it felt more meaningful that way.

Tom put on a face mask to cover the lower half of his face and then tilted his head down to the ground as he walked to the florist.

“Good evening sir, may I help you?” The florist greeted.

“‘ello, yes I placed an order. It should be under Tom, no last name “ he says, recalling how during the conversation earlier this week with the store they offered to just use his generic first name.

“Ah, yes one moment” the florist nods, heading to the back.

Tom bites his lip and checks his phone, ensuring he’s not missed anything from y/n.

He can’t wait to see her tonight.

Let alone in the dress he knew she would love and look incredible in.

“Sir, these are a beautiful bouquet. I see you’ve prepaid, enjoy your night” the man says, handing Tom the flowers.

Thanking him, Tom double checks the flowers, ensuring y/N’s favorite flower looks health.

Pleased with how it turned out, he all but skips to the car.

“Alright mate, you said the limo would take you guys yes?” Harry asks as they arrive to the apartment.

“Yes, and we’ll be staying at the hotel tonight so you can come back whenever” Tom says, handing his driver a tip as he slides out of the car.

“Have fun, but not too much fun!” Harry teases as the door shuts behind Tom.

Tom laughs and rolls his eyes before making his way to the unit he’s staying in.

After knocking politely before unlocking the door, Tom smiles upon seeing y/n suitcase in the living room space.

“Darling? You here?” Tom calls out, fluffing the bouquet in his hands as he walks to the bathroom.

“Tommy?!” Y/n cheers, appearing in the hallway.

Tom’s lips part as he sees her appearance.

She hasn’t changed into the dress yet, so instead she was in his favorite skirt of her’s and a deep v neck blouse.

“I missed you!” She giggles, rushing to Tom.

Tom sets the bouquet down on the console table in the hall.

He opens his arms and locks his hand under her armpits, his thumbs resting on her collar bones, as he lifts her into the air above him.

Y/n keeps giggling and smiling down at Tom, making his heart swell.

Setting her down, he says “ I missed you too love, I didn't expect myself to miss you as much as l did for only a month”.

Y/n nods and pulls him closer to her.

Tom wraps his arms around her, “don’t ever stay away from me for so long again”.

"T, no matter where you are, where you go, where they take you...I will always find my way back to you. I promise” she says, her head on his shoulder.

“Can I kiss you?” Tom whispers, his grip on her desperate.

“Please” She responds, lifting her head off his shoulder.

Tom smirks and lowers his arms to the small of her back, tugging her to him until she’s pressed against him.

He tucks his chin to his chest to kiss her nose and get her to look up at him.

When she does he gives her a sultry wink before closing his eyes and hungrily presses his lips against her soft ones.

Y/n wraps her arms around his neck and Tom pulls her waist closer as his licks her bottom lip.

As her lips part, he slides his tongue in her mouth letting it tangle with her’s.

Tom moans tenderly as he grips her hips.

Y/n smiles as they reluctantly pull apart for air.

Not ready to let go of her body, Tom rests his forehead against her’s as he stares into her eyes.

“I’m so glad you’re back” Tom sighs.

“Me too” y/n smiles, “but I need to finish getting ready”.

Tom nods, unsurprised as he was about thirty minutes earlier than planned.

He may have rushed through his tasks for the day in order to see her.

“Need any help?” Tom asks, his hand trailing down her jaw.

“You’ll probably need to zip me when I’m done. I’ll have to retouch my makeup first though” she blushes.

Tom smirks as she turns around to finish getting ready.

Tom walks to the living room to wait, pausing when he sees the flowers.

He looks between the bathroom door and the flowers several times in consideration.

He decides just to hold them and wait in the hall.

Securing the dress over her shoulders and zipping it as much as she can, she fastens her heels and checks her lipstick once more.

Y/n smiles confidently to herself, he picked a very flattering dress for her.

“Okay, so, can you-” y/n says, stopping when she sees her boyfriend standing before her in a daze with her favorite flowers in his hands.

“Aaawe, Tommy! They’re beautiful!” She gushes, approaching him.

“Huh? What? Oh, uh, yeah” Tom laughs nervously, his eyes still trailing over her body.

“I know they’re not in season but I found a place that has them” he says, forcing himself to focus on her eyes like the gentleman he wants to be tonight.

She smiles brightly, “they’re stunning, I’m such a lucky girl you’ve always remembered my favorite flowers”.

“Anything for my queen” Tom says, handing them to her.

She lifts them to her nose to cover her blushing cheeks as she pretends to smell them.

Noticing her boyfriend still standing before her slack jawed, she smirks, “You're staring. I take it you like what you see?”.

“You…” Tom clears his throat, “you look…”.

Tom shakes his head and laughs at himself still getting flustered over her after two years, “You’re as beautiful as always darling”.

She blushes and sets the flowers on the counter, grateful Tom thought ahead and ordered them with a vase so they didn’t wilt while they went to dinner.

“Can you zip me?” Y/n laughs, the dress straps sliding down her arms.

Tom nods and gently grabs her waist to spin her around.

Tom reaches his hand down to where y/n left the zipper, just above her lower back.

He lets his fingers graze her skin as he pinches the zipper, causing a visible shiver to take over her body.

He smiles to himself, pleased at how responsive she still is to him.

He pulls the zipper up to her middle back, pausing to place a tender loving kiss on her bare shoulder.

“Tooomm” She whines, shaking her head.

Tom laughs and finishes zipping her dress and steps back.

Y/n spins in a circle one and Tom reaches out to steady her once she faces him again.

“You ready to go babe? Don’t want to be late” Tom asks, lifting her hand to his lips as he kisses her knuckles.

Y/n lets Tom’s lips linger for a moment before agreeing and letting him lead her outside.

“How was set?” Y/n asks, swinging their intertwined hands between them.

“It was good but no more work talk tonight” Tom says, squeezing her hand.

“Why not?” She asks as Tom props the door open for her with his free hand.

“Tonight is all about making you feel like the queen you are darling” Tom says, his cheeks flushing pink.

Y/n grins and tugs Tom to her as she passes through the apartment building door, “god I love you”.

“I love you too y/n y/m/n y/l/n” he responds.

“Are we taking the Honda?” Y/n asks, looking around for their car.

“Not tonight. Did you not just hear you’re getting treated like royalty tonight?” He teases.

“So-“ she pauses, seeing a gorgeous limousine pull in front of them.

“Tom, you didn’t” she whispers in shock.

“Mmm but I did dear” he chuckles, lifting her hand as he helps her step into the limo.

Tom laughs at y/N’s story about Tessa’s behavior after he left.

“Where are we eating? I’m starving” Y/n admits, changing the subject.

“Did you eat before your flight?” Tom asks worriedly.

Pressing her lips into a fine line, she shakes her head no, “I was running late”.

Tom sighs her smiles sweetly at her, “you still need to make time to eat”.

Y/n shrugs but laughs, signaling to him she knows.

“Le Bernardin, we should be there in only a few minutes” Tom promises, reaching forward towards the mini bar in the limo.

“But, these should hold you over darling” Tom smiles, bringing a tray of gourmet chocolate covered strawberries back to them.

“Oh my gosh these are amazing” She praises, covering her mouth as she finishes her first bite.

Tom laughs and presses a delicate kiss to her cheek.

“Anything for my queen” he muses.

"Mmm, you always smell amazing!" Y/n compliments, breathing in deeply as she leans into the right side of his body while his arm is over the back of her seat.

“Now, now, I’m not on the menu” Tom jokes, poking her nose.

Y/n blushes but hangs her head and pouts, “you’re not?”.

Tom has to look away as she flutters her eyelashes and stares up at him from her slouched position.

Composing himself, he leans over and leaves an open mouthed kiss on her neck, “you’re going to be the death of me darling”.

———Le Bernardin———

Y/n freezes part of the way out of the limo, one leg out, causing Tom to raise his left eyebrow as he keeps a hold of her hand in his palm.

Her eyes dance over his toned shoulders and the way his suit jacket is button making his chest more pronounced.

The lights from the outside of the restaurant causing a cascade of light on his devine facial features causing her to to lose her breath momentarily.

"I know you said you didn't want to be late, but you look amazing, and I'm trying not to kiss you senseless right now” she blurts, finally stepping out of the limo.

Tom lowers his head shyly and laughs softly.

He hooks his middle and ring finger under her chin, the ring on his pointer finger brush against her lower jaw.

She stills herself despite the iciness of his ring due to the crisp New York air around them.

Tom then clemently tilts her head up so he can see her glowing y/e/c eyes.

Y/n and Tom hold their lingering eye contact for what feels like eternity as she resists the urge to close the distance between them and kiss him.

Once Tom is finished scanning the details of her eyes, he runs his thumb across her bottom lip teasingly as his other fingers remain where they are.

His eyes flicker to her’s to ensure he has her attention before he turns his hand towards himself and presses a taunting kiss to his thumb that had been on her lip.

Tom hides his smirk as her eyes widen before glaring at him.

“Fine, be that way” y/n scoffs, abruptly stepping away and through the restaurant’s entrance.

Wordlessly, Tom uses his foot to prop the door open as he hastily reaches towards her.

He catches her wrist, breaking her stride and ending her departure.

He tenderly rubs his thumb from her wrist to her forearm and outwards in a sweeping motion.

Y/n turns towards him only once he tugs pleadingly on her wrist as his thumb returned to it’s starting place.

"You know you shouldn't tease me" she whispers, her voice wispier than normal.

Tom’s breath catches in his throat and y/n seems to notice as smirks.

"Somebody forgot their kiss” Tom remarks as he catches his breath.

“Someone lost their chance” y/n shrugs, stepping out of his grip on her wrist and closer to the reservation desk.

Tom sighs loudly and approaches the desk to ask for their table.

——— At their table at Le Bernardin———

"No, no, I’ve got it. I'll do it." Tom says, eagerly stepping in front of y/n as she attempts to pull out her chair.

“But, T-” she argues, her hand resting over his on the back of the chair.

“I said I'll do it." He smiles, sliding the chair out for her and helping her sit.

“Tom, did you reserve this whole place?” Y/n asks, noticing the glamorous restaurant is lit up but empty apart from their decorated table.

Tom bites his lip and nods, reaching across the table for her hand.

Before she can respond, their server approaches to take their drink order.

Tom orders their highest end champagne, asking for two glasses and then the remainder of the bottle brought out with it.

Y/n gasps as she finds the item on the menu and sees the price, “Tom, w-”

“Shh, a queen wants for nothing” he smiles, squeezing her hand.

Blushing, she shakes her head and mumbles “except a kiss”.

Tom laughs loudly and rolls his eyes, “I thought I missed my chance?”

“You did, but tonight’s about me” she teases, quoting him from earlier.

“That it is,” he agrees, standing up before kneeling beside her chair.

She tilts her head to the side as she watches him closely.

He signals her to lean down towards him, pleased as she complies.

When she’s close enough, Tom hooks his hand back under her chin and pulls her closer as he gives in and kisses her.

As she kisses him back, his hand slides up her jaw until his palm is pressed against her neck.

When they part for air, instead of giving Tom the pleasure of her gratitude, she decides to toy with him.

“You were choking me!"She scolds quietly.

“I thought you were into that” Tom blurts before loudly slapping his hand over his own mouth as his eyes widen.

Y/n’s face flashes red as she quietly laughs.

Scampering back to his seat, Tom bites his lip and lowers his hand; allowing her to see his face is even more red than her’s.

“I-I’m so sorry! I… whew okay, no more of that. Back to only behaving properly” Tom laughs nervously.

Smirking, she shakes her head, “Tom relax, you know I don’t mind you’re suggestive flirting”.

“I do. But-“ he pauses, letting the server finish their return to the table.

Once the glasses have been poured and they’ve ordered, the server leaves.

“But?” Y/n asks, lifting her glass slowly.

“But, a queen only dates a gentleman” Tom finishes.

“Mmm, not this queen” y/n winks, taking a sip of her champagne.

Tom runs a hand through the hair on the back of his upper neck, tonight’s going to be a long hard rough night for him.

"You're cute when you blush" y/n smiles, setting her glass back down.

———

"I notice when you stare at my lips, you know. You can just kiss me and get this awkward part out of the way." Y/n laughs, setting her napkin down.

Tom’s eyes flash to her’s and he shakes his head, “you’re too far away”.

Y/n hums and suddenly stands.

Tom watches in confusion as she moves her chair until it is pressed against his.

“Better?” She asks.

“Much” Tom smirks, pulling her in for a kiss, his hands cupping her face.

When they pull back, Tom cautiously grabs her plate and sets it down in front her.

Thanking him, she places her hand on his thigh as she resumes eating.

"I've never seen you squirm so much" y/n says, squeezing his twitching thigh under the table.

“I… can’t help it. I’m trying to but… I've been thinking about you all day" Tom mumbles, flexing his leg in hopes the muscles will block the tingling sensation of her hand.

"What’s the matter, love? You get nervous when I look at you like this?" Y/n asks, Tom resisting the urge to crumble at the bedroom eyes she’s giving him.

Tom gives himself a mental pep talk, reminding himself:

We’re in public.

This night is for her.

If she wants to tease you relentlessly, suck it up.

Just breathe.

"Stop looking at me seductively." He says, biting his lip aggressively.

“Tom that was my normal look, don’t be so paranoid” she laughs, but Tom swears he sees a mocking glint in her eyes.

"I love seeing you like this" she says casually, somehow managing to seductively take a bite of her dinner.

Tom’s insides are flipping unwaveringly as he makes a fist at his side in hopes it’ll clear his head.

"You're making it so hard to concentrate right now." He admits as she mindlessly drags her acrylic manicured fingernails up and down his thigh.

“Good, pay attention to me” she smirks.

"You're so dumb." He laughs, shaking his head at her comment.

“You love me” she giggles, shrugging.

Tom nods and kisses her cheek, “always my queen”.

———

"I want to kiss every inch of you” y/n says, her lips against his neck.

"Shut your mouth" he groans, his head tilted to the ceiling.

“I thought you liked it wide open Tommy?” she whispers, her hand roaming closer to his bulge.

Tom coughs and scoots back abruptly, his face a brighter red than her dress; prompting the wait staff to make their way to come check on them.

“Oops” y/n giggles, hiding her face in her hands at his outburst.

"Just play along, damn it. Please.” Tom begs, sitting back down as the staff approach.

“Hmm, please? Tom, you sound desperate love. What’s making you that way?” She whispers.

Tom fights a grin and playfully glares at her, “you know damn well that it’s you, darling”.

------

“I could stare at you forever” Tom blushes, grabbing y/N’s hand from his thigh to break the friction of her hand as she teasingly moves her hand to the more inner part of his thigh causing tightness in his dress pants. 

“Creep” y/n laughs, her cheeks betraying how cute she finds his compliment. 

Tom smiles, “did you have a good night my love?” 

She nods, “one thing could make it better though…”

Tom furrows his brows as he waits for her to express her desire. 

Instead of explaining herself verbally, she brings her free hand to his lap and her lips to his neck. 

Tom clenches his jaw in an attempt to stay silent as his eyes flutter shut at the sudden pleasurable contact. 

“Darling, you have got to stop being a tease. I can hardly resist you as is” Tom says breathlessly. 

“Who’s going to stop me?” She asks in between pressing open mouth kisses to his neck and jaw. 

“… that-… would… be me… actually” he shakingly responds, prying his eyes open. 

“Mmm, really?” She asks, her swollen lips smirking against his clean shaven jawline. 

“…no” Tom whimpers, a forceful tingle running course through his body. 

“No? You don’t want me to stop?” Y/n teases, flattening her palm and removing her lips. 

“God no” Tom blurts before he slaps a hand over his mouth. 

So much for being a gentleman. 

Y/n smirks, sitting up straight as she begins to raise the leg furthest from him. 

“I thought you were going to be a gentleman?” She smirks, her raised leg getting closer to him. 

“I can no longer be a gentleman if you keep this up” Tom whispers. 

“Mmm” she smiles, placing her far leg over his lap, sliding until she’s straddling his hips. 

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to” She jokes, Tom’s hands seizing her waist as she sways slightly at her movement. 

As she begins to bring her face closer to Tom’s, a sudden realization hits him causing him to gently press her away from him. 

Y/n frowns and Tom stifles a laugh before he focuses his attention on her eyes. 

“My queen, I believe you’ve had too much to drink” Tom says as he sees the glassy appearance of her normally shimmering eyes. 

“No” She argues, leaning back in his lap as she crosses her arms. 

Tom gasps and clasps his hands on her sides as she tilts backwards more than she intended. 

“You’re not dizzy?” Tom laughs. 

Shaking her head minimally, she sways in his grip. 

“Mmm clearly” he smirks. “Let’s get you home” 

“Finally” She says, kissing his lips. 

“Not for that my darling queen. Not tonight anyways” he argues. 

After some resistance, Tom manages to get y/n off his lap and get himself situated so he can stand. 

As he helps her stand up, he notices her wince. 

“My feet hurt” she whines before he has the chance to ask. 

Tom looks down at her heels and nods in understanding. 

He helps her sit back down and removes her heels. 

“Alright, that should be better. Our ride should be right outside “ Tom assures her, carrying her shoes as he helps her stand again. 

Y/n silently clutches onto Tom’s body as he guides them to the door. 

“Mr. Holland, Sir. We’re sorry, it seems some how people found out you were here “ the greeter says as he pays. 

Tom groans and instantly looks down at y/n before sighing. 

“Understood, thank you for the warning” He nods, his grip tightening on his girlfriend. 

Frowning, he presses his lips to the top of her hair, “alright love, just stay close okay? I’ll get you to the car safely”. 

She nods lazily, her eyes widening as she looks through the glass doors and sees the group of people waiting for them. 

Tom sighs in annoyance and holds her heels in one hand and her waist with the other as he leads them to the door. 

As they step through the first set of double doors, exposing them ever so slightly to the crisp New York air, y/n shivers. 

Tom promptly removes his arm and sets her shoes down before shrugging off his suit jacket. 

Due to her state, he helps her get her arms into the sleeves and buttons one of the buttons over her torso, “this way it doesn’t slip off”.

She grins at him appreciatively and kisses him as she forgets that people are watching. 

Tom smiles and blushes as he grabs her heels and pulls her to his side for her safety before opening the last set of doors. 

The moment the couple steps outside, the crowd surges and presses closer to them. 

Tom’s jaw clenches in anger this time and squeezes her hip tenderly to reassure her. 

“Change of plans, please stay behind me my darling queen” he whispers in her ear as he throws himself between her and the crowd of fans and paparazzi swarming them. 

Tom sighs as he notices the vans of the paparazzi blocked the limo from returning to the agreed upon location. 

He worked with the restaurant to ensure they called the driver (who had to park elsewhere upon dropping them off) when they were finishing so y/n wouldn’t need to wait. 

However, the limo is much farther away than he preferred. 

Tom glances back at her, smiling softly when she makes eye contact with him and tries to signal she’s okay. 

He turns and focuses back on getting her to the limousine safely. 

Tom was now regretting his decision to not bring security with them tonight. 

He wanted it to be just the two of them and be as normal as possible. 

But now he was the only one standing between the love of his life and the group of aggressive paparazzi and excessively eager fans. 

Tom grips her hand with his empty hand, his arm twisted behind him to ensure he doesn’t lose her.

His body becomes more rigid as the crowd gets louder and closer. 

“Please back up” Tom pleads. 

The group ignores him and begin to yell various things at them to get their attention. 

Tom knows better than to respond but can’t help his brain from responding internally. 

“Y/n!” Leave her alone. 

“Tom!” Not right now. 

“Over here” No

“Just one picture!” If we wanted to have our picture taken, we would’ve. 

“How was the date?” Seriously, you can tell it’s a date and yet you’re here hounding us?!

“Tom what’s wrong with your hair?” What?

“Y/n! Are you pregnant?” Excuse me?!

Tom fights the urge to respond but caves upon noticing y/n flinch behind him in response to the implication.

“It is none of your business” Tom growls, tugging her closer. 

“Omg!!! That sounds like a yes” the girl screams. 

“I knew she looked like it!” Another replies, making y/N’s steps falter. 

Tom freezes and looks at her only to see her staring down at her stomach in shock. 

Glaring back to the group, Tom raises his voice in a firm manner “no she does not. It isn’t your business, but no she’s not pregnant”.

“How you could even think she looks pregnant is beyond me. She looks just as drop dead gorgeous as she always does!” He growls. 

“Now, please let us part” he pleads, pressing through the huddle to get closer to their car. 

The group continues to shout at them and take photos but no one is idiotic enough to make another pregnancy comment or comment on her appearance. 

Tom sighs in relief as he slides he heels to his pinky and ring fingers while his pointer finger and thumb tug the limo door open. 

“Come here dear” he whispers, helping her step into the limousine and get seated. 

Once he is certain she’s in securely, he leans down to kiss her forehead before shutting the door. 

The limousine driver apologizes profusely once Tom has entered through the other door. 

Tom expresses he is aware it’s not the man’s fault before sliding the divider between them. 

He lets out a deep breath of air he was holding and smiles sadly over at her. 

“‘ey darling it’s alright, they're gone now... are you alright?” He asks, holding her to his chest. 

She nods against him slowly. 

Feeling something is off, he guides her head off his chest, “my girl, look at me; are you hurt at all?"

"No, I’m okay... are you okay?" She asks, stroking his face. 

He nods tightly, “are you sure you’re okay?”.

“It just hurts a bit is all, but-“ she whispers. 

“Where?!” He panics, pressing his back against the leather seats to see her better. 

“Where are you hurt? Please, show me where it hurts” he begs, his normally soft eyes now chaotic as they race over her body looking for harm. 

“Jus’ my head T, it’s a headache ‘s all” she slurs slightly, resting back on his chest. 

Tom deflates, glad she’s not injured but hating the fact the lights and yelling made her head hurt. 

“I'm so Sorry darling” Tom sighs, rubbing his head in irritation. 

“Not your fault Tommy” she says, snuggling closer. 

“Still. I promised a nice private night you could enjoy. I know how scary it can be dealing with such large groups. I should’ve had security for us, I’m sorry” he admits. 

"I knew you'd feel guilty but when I am near you, I finally know how it feels to breathe without worry, without caution. I just feel safe with you, I’m okay T. I promise” she says into his chest. 

“I'm so glad I just wanted to go have the night you deserved, cheesy as it may be, you're my queen and you deserved to have a good night” he frowns, stroking her head. 

“Tommy! You need to know every day I spend with you is the best day of my life” she says, squeezing his waist. 

Tom blushes and kisses the top of her hair in response. 

“Seriously. My only hope is that one day I can love myself as much as I love you and that you can love yourself as much as you love me” she adds, smiling and tilting her head to look at him. 

“Thank god because I forget every beautiful thing in the universe, the moment you smile” he blushes, holding her close. 

———

“Good evening Mr. Holland and Ms. Y/l/n, we are pleased to have you staying with us” the hotel receptionist greets as Tom helps y/n sit down on the extravagant lounge chair in the lobby. 

Tom smiles politely as he approaches the desk to check them in and offers a friendly greeting. 

“Here are your suite’s keys, and as discussed, there is a private elevator that will lead you straight to the Royal suite” the man explains, handing Tom a gold card. 

“Do you need help with any bags?” The bellman asks, pausing to stand by Tom. 

“No thank you, they should’ve already arrived” He says, knowing the arrangement be had with Harry to drop off y/N’s bag and Tom’s pre packed bag while they were at dinner. 

“He is correct Mr. Hughes, they were brought up prior to your shift. Is there anything else we can help you with tonight Mr. Holland?” The receptionist questions. 

Tom looks over at y/n who is patiently waiting and watching but looks tired. 

Tom smiles and shakes his head no, “thank you mates but I’ve got it from here”.

“OhmygoshTomitissopretty” y/n mumbles when they reach the top floor. 

“What?” He laughs, having no idea what she said. 

“It is so pretty” she says, slurring less and spacing her words more carefully. 

“You really like it?” Tom asks, guiding her inside more so the elevator can close and lock. 

“I love it Tommy! Thank you, you didn’t need-“ She begins but Tom kisses her to cut her off. 

“I’m glad you love it darling, it’s my pleasure” he whispers, unbuttoning his jacket she has on. 

“It looks like… like something out of a movie… or like a castle! look at the chandelier!” She gasps, staring at the blinding Diamond and gold chandelier hanging from the foyer of their suite. 

“I don’t know about a movie… but some royals have stayed here before” Tom laughs, a proud grin on his face. 

“What?! I’m standing where royalty was standing?!” Y/n squeaks, suddenly dropping to the floor in a kneeling position as she places her palm on the floor. 

Tom shakes his head and forces himself not to laugh, “yes darling, but you do know you yourself are royalty, so I don’t get the fuss”.

In all honesty, it was part of the reason Tom chose this particular hotel and this particular suite. 

“I’m not Royal, Tom, but oh my gosh does this make me feel like it” She giggles gleefully, standing up and skipping to the next room. 

Tom smiles to himself as he watches her sprint around the suite, the elegant red dress he bought her flowing endlessly as she does. 

Once she’s completed all but the bedroom, she rushes to where Tom was watching from the corner of the room.  

“Thank you T!” She smiles, kissing him softly. 

“Anything for you darling” Tom promises, kissing the back of her hand. 

“I’m not royalty Tommy” She laughs. 

“You are to me” He blushes, squeezing her hand. 

She bites her lip and grins at him, “there’s one more room!”

Her jaw drops as her gaze focuses on the enormous bed in the store Royal suite’s glamorous bedroom. 

“This is so pretty, I really feel like a queen!” She sighs blissfully. 

Tom grins widely and wraps his arms around her waist. 

“You know…” she whispers, turning to face him with her eyes seductively looking him over. 

“Hmm?” He asks, watching her eyes closely as his breath hitches. 

Before she can respond, she yawns and giggles at herself, bringing Tom’s focus back to her current state. 

He smiles and laughs, “let’s get you into some pajamas darling”.

“If you wanted to get me out of my pants, there are several ways to do that” y/n smirks as she lets Tom lead her to the bathroom. 

The night before last Tom picked up some silky satin pajamas for them he purchased and asked Harry to leave them out for him. 

Harry had joked about them not needing them, but Tom hoped he listened because if he hadn’t, it left them with nothing to wear to bed. 

Tom was already having a difficult night trying to behave himself around her, he certainly didn’t need any more temptations. 

Normally, he’d have no problem spending the night tangled in the sheets and each other’s arms. 

But he knew she was exhausted and at a minimum decently tipsy from the champagne tonight. 

“You’re not even wearing pants” tom teases, trying to change the direction of conversation. 

“Oh! You’re right” y/n chuckles, “so you have to get me into pants first to get me out of them”.

Tom laughs at her rambling but agrees so he can have an easier time getting her dressed. 

“Thank you T” y/n says while his fingers graze her low back as they finish undoing her zipper. 

As she turns to face him, she lets the dress slide down her to the floor. 

Tom struggles to maintain his composure as his eyes trace over her flawless body, realizing she was now bare before him. 

“Like what you see?” She flirts.

“You know I always do” Tom admits, trying to focus his eyes on her beautiful facial features instead of anywhere below her neck. 

Y/n smirks as she reaches for his dress shirt waistband, intentionally hovering her fingers a mere centimeter over his toned torso. 

Tom digs his fingers into the palm of his hand as he tries not to quiver under her amorous touch, the desire for more contact fighting against him. 

“God I missed you” she whispers, her lips against his neck after she’s pulled his shirt off. 

“N-not tonight love” Tom says, trying to be firm. 

“Oh…” she steps back, her eyes darting to the ground that is now between them. 

“Sorry” she mumbles, grabbing her suitcase from the corner so she can get dressed. 

“No, darling, you do not need to be sorry, not for that, ever” Tom rushes, trailing after her. 

“I just… I thought you’d miss me like that too” she whispers, stepping into a pair of y/f/c panties before him. 

Tom forces a swallow as he watches her toned arse bounce slightly at her abnormally unbalanced stance and shifts his eyes to the wall, “believe me… I do. But love you’re not sober enough right now”.

“I’m sober Tom” she pouts, swaying as she spins to face him. 

Tom laughs, “proving my point darling”. 

He reaches for her personalized pajama top on the counter and secures it on her as he tries not to stare at her exposed breasts. 

“There,” Tom smiles, grabbing his set of pajamas. 

“I’m sorry” y/n says, sitting down on the bathtub rim. 

“What? Love, I told you-“ Tom argues, facing her as he throws his shirt on quickly. 

“No.., for drinking too much” she corrects, frowning at her long legs stretched out before her. 

“Mmm, you don’t need to be sorry for that either. You don’t over do it love, I just want to be on the safe side” he responds, lowering his dress pants. 

Y/n smiles softly and nods, her tired gaze still on her lap. 

“Okay. Thank you for always looking out for me Tommy and treating me so well” she says, in awe at how protective he’s being even regards to himself after they’ve been together for so long already. 

“Always, you’re my queen and you’re going to be treated as such” he blushes, feeling proud of himself. 

After Tom helps her into the oversized bed, he gets in next to her, his arm reaching over to ensure she is tucked in. 

“We can still cuddle right?” Y/n asks, giving Tom a pleading look. 

Tom chuckles, “yes darling, we can always cuddle”.

She grins widely and promptly squishes herself against him. 

When y/n yawns for the third time in less than five minutes, Tom turns the already dimmed light off completely. 

“Rest my dear, we can finish catching up tomorrow” he promises, kissing her forehead. 

Y/n smiles against his collarbone and nods, “thank you again for tonight Tom. Seriously, so immensely thankful”.

“You’re very welcome my queen, now close your eyes” Tom says, adamantly watching in the dark  to ensure her eyelids close. 

Once he feels she’s actually asleep, he kisses the top of her head once more before letting himself drift off to sleep. 

———— 

“This is ungodly good” y/n praises, continuing to eat the breakfast room service delivered this morning. 

Tom nods his head in agreement, pleased the hotel’s kitchen did such a great job making her favorite breakfast food. 

“And you,” she says, reaching across the table to him, “are ungodly sweet and so cute”.

Tom blushes and hides behind his napkin. 

“Mmmnmm no, I need to see those dimples” she scolds, tearing the napkin from his hands. 

———

“I’m going to shower love” Tom says, standing up once she’s finished her story. 

“They have a spa that I made us some reservations for” he adds. 

“Oh?” Y/n smiles. 

“I’ll be fast, then we can go. I just really need to fix this hair” Tom says, pulling at his messy head. 

Y/n giggles and nods, smiling to himself as she watches him slink to the giant bathroom. 

After taking countless photos of the incredible suite Tom booked for them for her memories, she decides to check Twitter. 

Her eyes widen as she notices fans started posting about her evening last night. 

Of course there are some talking about the pregnancy comment that was made. 

Rolling her eyes, she keeps scrolling only to see someone asking why she and Tom are trending. 

Not realizing this and not understanding herself, she looks at the thread. 

A huge smile takes over her confused expression as she reads the fans raving about Tom and how he treated her. 

She screenshots her favorite thread and walks to the bathroom to find Tom. 

“Tommy?” She calls out, stepping into the foggy bathroom. 

“Darling, everything alright?” He questions, barely having wrapped a towel around his lower half. 

“Did you tell the fans to call me a queen?” She asks, pressing her hands on his chiseled and damp chest. 

“No” He says, his confusion causes it to come out as a question. 

“Look” She smiles proudly at her boyfriend, handing him her phone with the screenshot loaded. 

Tom blushes as he reads the comments and then glances back up at y/n. 

“I’m sorry they interrupted us, but at least they know you’re my queen” he smirks. 

Y/n laughs, “and you’re my king Mr. Holland”.

“Is it bad to say that someday I want to call you Mrs. Holland?” Tom blurts, his hands on her waist. 

Eyes wide, she grins and shakes her head, “no, I love the sound of that, even more than being your queen”.

“Mmm you’d still be my queen though” He smiles, hungrily kissing her jaw. 

“I really did miss you” he admits, his lips still on her skin. 

“Prove it” she jokes, playing with his wet hair. 

“You’re going to be the death of me” Tom sighs, his tongue dragging across her sweet spot causing her to moan quietly. 

“You can be louder than that” Tom scolds, pursing his lips to create suction in the same spot on her neck as his cold hands lower to her waist. 

“You have… to earn… it” she says breathlessly, her chest shaking. 

Up for the challenge, Tom snakes his fingertips under her top and teasingly up her stomach. 

Once she arches slightly at his touch, Tom removes his hands and scoops her up in his arms. 

“Fuuck I love your arms” she compliments, her soft fingers running up his biceps as he carries her to the nearest room. 

Tom lays her down on the sofa, straddling her as he brings his hands back to her supple body. 

“Tom, I can’t feel your arms when you do that” y/n whines causing Tom to laugh against her as his lips move lower on her shoulder. 

Giving in, she dips her head and begins peppering needy kisses along his arms instead now that they’re in a position that pinning her’s down. 

Y/N’s eyes squeeze shut as he tilts her head back over the arm of the couch, his hand supporting it. 

“Don’t ever” Tom gasps, only needing one hand as he begins ripping the buttons off her pajama top in a fiery rush to get it out of his way. 

“Ever” he continues, his crooked nose sliding down the space between her exposed breasts.

“Let me be without you for that long again” his touseled hair running over her chest as he presses a delicate kiss to her ribs. 

His other hand wraps under her body, pulling her to him by her waist. 

The intensity of the situation and the warmth created by the presence of his pouted lips kissing anywhere but her lips leaves y/n limp in his arms as she clears her mind of anything but this moment. 

Tom grips her firmly, more than pleased to have her back in his arms and no longer forcing himself to keep his hands off her. 

Y/n forces a nod in agreement, unable to speak. 

“Promise?” Tom pleads, his breath warm against her. 

She composes herself, tugging on Tom’s hair to get him to lean back. 

Tom lets out a craving whine at the sensation, his ebony brown eyes meeting her’s as they reopen. 

Noticing the aching behind his intense gaze, she smirks, bringing her face closer to his in a tauntingly slow manner. 

“Promise” She whispers, her plump lips just out of reach of his.

Tom’s eyes flicker a darker shade of brown as closes the gap between their lips eagerly. 

Tom’s lips are not acting in his usual loving and gentle way. 

Instead, y/n feels this longing desire, a desperation, behind them as if he was practically starving without her touch. 

She attempts to exhibit just as much intensity behind her kiss as she slides her fingers down his athletic torso. 

It’s only when her long fingers reach the towel that has loosened around his hips that he parts his lips from her’s as he gasps. 

“How interested in the spa are you?” He asks, his British accent thickening the air around them. 

“Now? Not at all” She responds, flirtatiously slipping a finger under his towel at the edge of his defined v-line. 

“Good” he chokes out, his lips once again diving for her neck.  

“Because I’m going to worship you and your body until you see yourself as the queen you are” He smirks, one hand lowering to squeeze her arse as she arches off the couch below them when he begins sucking on her throat. 

“I hope you’re up for a long night my darling” he whispers, a clear infatuation behind his deep tone. 

———

Tag list: @galaxyholland @spideysbae  @mcushvft @fishingirl12 @raajali3 @justapurrcat @users09

Shoutout to: @creativepromptsforwriting for some of the prompts used

[heloflor]

Cartters and why it grew on me as the show went on

Aka “A recap/analysis of the evolution of Cartman and Butters’ friendship, mostly seen from Cartman’s angle, and why it eventually led me to ship Cartters despite their incredibly rocky beginning,” but that’s too long of a title.

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BEFORE “STREAMING WARS” CAME OUT. AS OF YET, I HAVEN’T WATCHED THOSE SPECIALS SO NO MENTION OF THEIR EVENTS WILL OCCUR. Let’s see how well this post aged in the span of one special, shall we ?

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Tl;Dr : Like every Cartman relationship, his friendship with Butters is a very interesting relationship to explore, especially on Cartman’s side given how much he grew to appreciate the blond and let him get close to him, on top of slowly learning how to be a “decent” friend to him, leading to them becoming best friends starting with S17.

Though, the relationship still has tons of baggage from all the trauma Cartman subjected Butters to. And while Cartman has been shown to become a better friend towards Butters, it does leave the question of how much is Cartman capable of changing for a friend and, as a result, how healthy can their friendship become.

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First things first, as said in this post, I’ve known South Park for years, watched the full show almost two years ago and recently got back into the fandom as a lurker, looking up meta.

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So, when I got back into South Park two years ago, I found myself starting to ship St//yle and Cartters (and for some reason I really like those relationships as one-sided, or as I like to call it “Stan and Cartman pining after straight guys” but that’s not the topic here).

While the former didn’t surprise me since I love the “best friends to lovers” trope, the latter really did. I mean, I don’t like Ky//man due to how abusive it is, and yet here am I shipping Cartman with the kid he had tortured the most throughout the show.

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Although, I actually don’t want Cartters to be canon, or at least not now. I’d much rather see them focus on growing a healthy friendship, or at least as healthy as someone like Cartman is capable of, before even considering the idea of a romance.

Fun fact about that actually : when I got into SP back then, I didn’t look up Cartters stuff because I felt weird about shipping it. But back in February, when the interest for the show came back, I jumped right into that ship.

And after seeing many posts about this relationship + thinking about it a bit, I realized that they do have a meaningful relationship (that has no right being this wholesome for someone like Cartman but I digress). That’s what we’re going to talk about here.

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Btw, I hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes with this post since I don’t intend to actively participate in the fandom…

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This post will be cut in three main parts :

Firstly, the evolution of their relationship throughout the show, specifically how Cartman grew fond of Butters, with a few precisions on some episodes. This part is the longest and literally makes for about half the post

Secondly, a few words about what I interpret their sexualities to be, in particular talking about Cartman and his obsessive behavior.

Finally, what the two currently think of each other with a few ideas on how their friendship can develop + one last part about my opinion on other Cartman and Butters ships in case people are curious.

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Oh yeah and because I don’t want to make too many SP posts, some stuff won’t be that related to the topic but it’s still stuff I wanted to infodump about. So expect this post to be a bit off-topic at times.

Btw, a lot of stuff here was already said by other blogs before, but I still wanted to “compile” all I learned about these two and their relationship, on top of adding my own views on it.

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Have a Google Doc version since it’s probably much easier to read

VERY, VERY LONG POST AHEAD ! I’m talking close to 20k words !

(Oh and for those asking, the dots in-between paragraphs are due to my blog theme doing weird shit with spaces. Since this post would be way too bothersome to read without spaces, I’m not taking chances.)

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1. The evolution of their friendship

  Alright so, despite being a show that prides itself on comedy and satire first and foremost, South Park has quite some character development there and there (Stan and Kyle’s friendship, the 4th grade going from the whole class being bullies to only two of them, stuff like that). And one of the things that evolved is the relationship between Cartman and Butters, which was also impacted by Butters’ own character development.

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Speaking of which, a quick side-note about Butters’ character development to make it shorter afterwards (yes we’re starting off with something off-topic, that’s how much this post derails 😓) :

- In seasons 1-3, Butters was a non character. He was just prop that could be used there and there. Sometimes he was a bully, sometimes a victim. His name wasn’t even Butters back then.

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- Season 4 and especially season 5 is when Butters’ personality started to take form, with him being at the bottom of the social ladder, being viewed as the lamest kid in class and being bullied by everyone else.

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- Seasons 6-11 are basically the “Butters torture” seasons, with Butters being the punching bag of the show and always getting in trouble or suffering due to others. We could see him try to stand his ground there and there, but he always immediately fell back to being compliant. A good example of that is the phone call in “Majo//rine”.

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- Seasons 12-15 is when Butters starts standing up to himself, with the best examples being “Butters Bottom Bitch” and “Super Fun Time”. He’s still a victim that gets taken advantage of by the others, but he’s slowly growing. He’s also starting to be more of a douche/bully like in “The List”.

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- Season 16, more specifically “Butterballs” and “Going Native” is when Butters became the kid we now know him to be. A gentle and sweet kid who’s also an unhinged piece of shit that can go apeshit at any point. He’s also the only bully the grade has left along with Cartman, and grew to be quite the corrupted businessman. Like, compare him trying to do telemarketing in “Kenny Dies” (S5) to his ability to copy Cartman’s tone perfectly in “Go Fund Yourself” (S18).

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Now, onto the relationship between the two :

So, when the show started, their relationship was absolutely horrendous, there’s no denying that. Cartman was constantly messing with Butters for shit and giggles and got the kid tortured and almost killed quite a handful of times. Seriously, if I were to make a “top 10 worst things Cartman has ever done”, most spots would absolutely be stuff related to Butters (not the first 3-4 spots tho. Stuff like using Cthulhu, the Tenorman incident or the therapist’s wife murder are in my eyes much worse, especially the Cthulhu stuff).

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At that time though, there are already three notable things about Cartman :

1. The way he’s constantly thinking about messing with Butters specifically, plus the way he always seeks his help despite having kids like Clyde who’s just as easy to manipulate, does show that Cartman already had an unhealthy obsession with the kid. Yeah, Kyle isn’t the only one Cartman’s obsessed with.

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2. While I don’t consider “Awesome-O” to be a Cartters episode per say (Cartman was only being nice out of desperation for the tape, Butters had no idea it was Cartman and expressed anger towards the kid at the beginning), it is worth noting that Cartman never tries to get back at Butters for showing the tape to everyone.

And yes, the show doesn’t have that big of a continuity, but Cartman doesn’t even threaten Butters about it at the end of the episode. He just accepts defeat, as if capable of feeling some sort of “respect” when someone is doing something vengeful and clever, at least enough respect not to get revenge for it.

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3. In “Douche and Turd”, there’s that moment when the kids are in the gymnasium and Cartman insults Kyle, with Butters quickly parroting Cartman’s words before the two share a glance. In that scene, Cartman raises an eyebrow while smiling, as if thinking “I can use this”.

Makes me wonder if this is the moment Cartman realized Butters would always help him with his schemes, hence why he started latching onto that kid instead of asking any other gullible kid.

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Then, a few seasons later, we get to “The Death of Eric Cartman”, the episode with the ending that made me go “sigh…I’m going to start shipping these two, aren’t I…?” (although, despite seeing potential, I was barely into the ship at that point)

In this episode, Cartman thinks he’s dead because everyone is ignoring him, but Butters didn’t get the memo. As a result, the two spend the whole day together with Butters helping Cartman “move on”.

By the end of it, there’s that speech Cartman gives Butters about how the two of them became friends. And while Cartman immediately takes it back upon realizing he’s alive, it doesn’t change the fact that he seemed sincere when he gave that speech.

As a result, it really feels like this episode was the key moment when Cartman realized Butters isn’t that bad and can be kind of fun to be around. It feels like it’s past that point that Cartman starts softening up, at least a little bit.

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Following on this, you have “Smug Alert”, in which Cartman ends up trusting Butters with his life…sorta. Cartman goes into San Francisco with Butters being his only contact and way out, trusting Butters to pull him back once he reaches Kyle.

Btw, about that, can we take a second to appreciate Butters in this episode ? No because we always talk about Cartman saving Kyle, but not only did Butters help as well, he was just as much in danger as the two when the storm hit ! And Butters didn’t even particularly like or care for either of them at that point. He could’ve easily left them both to die, but he didn’t !

But yeah, long story short, between Cartman trusting Butters with something so important + him asking Butters to keep secret at the end, it seems that this episode really cemented Butters as Cartman’s sidekick/second-in-command, with Cartman not only going to him for any task moving forward but also letting him know the important details of his schemes, growing his trust for the kid.

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Then you have “Tonsil Trouble”. It’s not that big of a moment but it is worth mentioning how Cartman doesn’t immediately kill Butters right after the boy kisses him on the cheek in public. And on top of that, later on, Cartman asks Butters’ help to get inside Kyle’s room despite Cartman himself admitting he’s done it many times, meaning he doesn’t actually need help.

Tbh, I could definitely see Cartman feeling lonely at times during his schemes, and since Butters is quick to agree to help, he’s probably using it as an excuse to have some company. “Jewpacabra” is another good example that further fuels this headcanon.

Oh and after that, when Kyle says that Butters told him about sneaking into his room, Cartman gets mildly annoyed about it and doesn’t try to get back at Butters for it.

Again, not really big moments but it does seem like Cartman is at the very least seeing Butters as useful enough to tolerate and keep around, even if he gets annoyed with the kid.

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After that, you have “Super Fun Time”, another episode that’s pretty big when it comes to their relationship. This episode is the first time Butters really stands up for himself against Cartman, tho it’s a bit sad he’s only doing it in fear of punishment.

In this episode, there’s one moment I especially like : when they arrive at the “Phun Time” place, Cartman tries yet again to pry Butters off in fear of people calling them gay. After some struggle, Cartman lets out a “Jesus Christ” while having an expression showing that he’s actually understanding that he’s not getting out of there. And after that, he stops arguing about the hand and even tries to include Butters in his activities.

Basically, Butters sets a boundary in this episode and sticks to it, forcing Cartman to work around it instead of blasting his way through it like he usually does. That’s why I like this scene so much, it’s the moment we see Cartman realizing he has to compromise this time around if he wants to have his fun. In other words, Butters holds a bit of power over Cartman, as little as it might be, and it’s great to see it.

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There’s also the moment when they get back and see the police. Butters starts crying about how much trouble they’re about to be in while Cartman tries to calm him down so that they can sneak back in. What’s interesting here is that Cartman seems to feel genuine guilt about making Butters cry. Or at the very least he seems to be aware that he’s responsible for Butters’ tears and isn’t happy about it.

In any case, we see Cartman being capable of feeling some sort of regret after hurting another person.

For those asking : what makes me say Cartman shows regret is the sad expression he has after Butters “punches” him + after Butters explains why he’s not letting go of his hand.

Hell, while you could say that the first face is out of surprise from Butters punching him, Cartman was arguing about the hand in the second moment but immediately stops and caves to Butters’ demands, really making it seem like he feels guilty.

(Btw, it’s off-topic but Butters is the absolute MVP of this episode. Him throwing Cartman at the armed guy in frustration was especially delightful to see ! Stan showing off his dorky side was great too !)

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Last thing about this episode : I’ve seen people make jokes about how Cartman spends the entire episode bitching about holding Butters’ hand, but then the very next episode is “The China Problem” which has Cartman holding Butters’ hand while the kid is taking a bath. And joke aside, I do find it interesting that Cartman went so quickly to Butters and even trusted him with a gun.

Basically, despite SP not being about character arcs, if you view it from a “character development” point of view anyways, the fact that those two episodes are back-to-back really makes it seem like Butters’ badass actions in “Super Fun Time” left an impact on Cartman, hence why he would trust the kid with a deadly weapon or why he’s so disappointed about him shooting guys in the dick.

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Following this, in seasons 12-14, you have a few moments that aren’t particularly big but show Cartman being more chill. For example, you have his reaction to the “hickey” in “The Ungroundable”, which was pretty tame coming from Cartman. There’s also him being the one holding the gift in “Eat, Pray, Queef” when the 4th grade boys visit Butters, or Cartman being more sad than angry in “The Tale of Scrotie Mcboogerballs” when Butters tells the main 4 off.

Along with that, you have Butters growing more confident but also becoming more of a bully, which likely brought the duo closer by making Butters not be at the bottom of the social ladder anymore, all the while getting on Cartman’s good side (obviously him always being present in Cartman’s schemes helps as well).

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Then you have another important episode : “Poor and Stupid”.

Thing is, while Cartman can be very pathetic at times in front of the other kids, he’s also a very prideful person. But in this episode, there’s that scene where Cartman ends up in the hospital due to his own stupidity. And while he’s here, Butters is by his side, still encouraging him and comforting him, not once showing any negative judgment for what happened.

As a result, it feels like this episode is when Cartman realized that he can open up emotionally to Butters, which is seen later on in “Cartman finds Love”.

On top of that, there’s the fact that Cartman got rid of his plushies in “1%”, and said episode cemented that the plushies were Cartman’s emotional support. So once they’re gone, he needs another way to get support.

And yes, I know in “The Return of Chef” we see Butters at Cartman’s house to comfort him, but he barely approached the guy + Cartman didn’t confide much in him that time around.

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And finally, starting with seasons 16-17, especially 17, Cartman and Butters became best friends, with Cartman especially showing a lot more appreciation for the kid than you’d expect from him.

Btw I say especially S17 because, while Cartman is nicer in S16 as well, this season also ends with “Obama Wins”, in which Cartman tries to kill Butters for betraying him so that’s a big yikes. The fact that it was the last time he tried killing him doesn’t make it any less ok.

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Now, since their relationship hasn’t evolved that much since S17, let me give a compilation of moments from post-S16 episodes in which we see Cartman being a softie for this kid :

- Informative Murder Porn : The kids learn about their parents playing Minecraft through Butters explaining how his dad killed his mom. As he’s talking, he’s crying on the ground, with both Kenny and Cartman by his side putting a comforting hand on his shoulders. So we get to see Cartman trying to comfort Butters, aka trying to be there emotionally for him.

What’s also interesting here is the facial expressions. While Kenny is looking at Butters with a saddened expression, Cartman has an eyebrow raised. My interpretation of this, especially compared to the crying scene in “Super Fun Time”, is that the reason why Cartman is raising an eyebrow is because he doesn’t feel bad for Butters.

After all, Cartman is either a narcissist or a sociopath. Either way, it means he has incredibly limited empathy/sympathy/compassion. In “Informative Murder Porn”, Butters is crying due to something his parents did, aka something that has nothing to do with Cartman. So Cartman is physically incapable of feeling bad for Butters. Hence the mention of “Super Fun Time” since Cartman was responsible in this case and felt guilty.

But despite not feeling bad, Cartman still cares about Butters, so he puts a comforting hand on his shoulder nonetheless because he wants the kid to feel better.

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Another thing about this episode I’ve seen people point out is the fact that Cartman only takes the lead after seeing Stephen losing it, making it seem like he’s doing it for Butters (and possibly Stan since we see Randy messing around as well). But tbh it feels like a bit of a stretch ?

Idk, Cartman’s a bit weird being so helpful in such a situation in which he has nothing to gain from (the kids are worried about their parents killing each other. Cartman only has one parent, and as protective as he can be, I don’t think he views the men his mom sleeps with as any more threatening than usual in this scenario). Maybe he just likes the feeling of being in charge, especially since in this case he’s taking the leadership away from Kyle ?

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- The Magic Bush : While from an “episode” standpoint, I’m neutral on this one, I absolutely adore it from a “Cartters” standpoint. The entire episode is just Butters getting angry at Cartman, shoving him against a bathroom stall twice and in general yelling at him, and not only does Cartman let him get away with it, he also keeps helping Butters up until the end !

Hell, throughout the entire episode, Cartman tries to get himself out of trouble. But at the very end, Butters is still unsatisfied. And Cartman, who just spent days trying to wash his hands off, is willing to put himself right back into trouble just to make Butters happy.

And, again, Butters spent the whole episode yelling at Cartman and getting violent ! So this ending shows how Cartman’s “this is the last time I’m helping you” lines were all empty threats.

All-in-all, this episode is just Butters being the one taking the reins of this relationship for once and it is incredibly satisfying to see him able to get away with being so angry at Cartman !

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Another thing I find very interesting about this episode is the fact that, on a regular “Cartman and Butters” episode, Cartman gives orders and Butters follows without much questioning. But this time, Butters actually gets angry at Cartman’s scheme and starts doubting him.

That’s another fact about this episode I love : Cartman doesn’t just keep his scheme going to protect himself, he also has to prove that he’s trustworthy.

Sure, Cartman does his thing and when Butters questions it, he explains himself and tells Butters to trust him. But the important part is that Cartman does make things better for Butters. He tells Butters to trust him and then has to deliver on that trust. I really, really like that this episode took that direction.

In a way, I feel like this episode could be a step leading Butters to trust Cartman a little more when things go wrong in their schemes.

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Btw, it’s worth noting that at any point Cartman could’ve thrown Butters under the bus like he did so many times before. But he didn’t. And I think that’s also why him proving himself trustworthy works so well here. Instead of trying to screw over Butters, he’s trying to keep the kid by his side and help him, even if it means getting his hands dirty again right after getting away with his dumb idea.

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Oh and something very important I almost forgot : around the beginning of the “third act”, when Butters shows up at Cartman’s house to make demands, he points out how miserable the whole thing is making him (probably as a way to scold Cartman since, again, Butters’ here to make demands).

And when he does, Cartman asks Butters what’s wrong and listens when Butters starts ranting, quickly caving in to his demands. Cartman actually tries to be there for Butters on an emotional level, despite Cartman himself being terrible when it comes to emotions on a non-manipulative level.

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- Grounded Vindaloop : While there aren’t that many interactions between them as it’s more of a “main 4” episode, we do have quite a handful of moments in which Cartman shows actual concern.

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First of all, there’s the prank itself. Cartman in the past has been absolutely horrendous towards Butters and used to have a kick out of torturing the kid in the worst ways. As a result, the prank he pulls in this episode is very tame in comparison (hell even Stan points it out).

All Cartman does is make Butters believe he’s in virtual reality to have a laugh and make him do a few chores. And yet, Cartman refers to this prank as “the height of Butters torture”. To say Cartman toned it down with his pranks would be an understatement.

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Then, you have the scene when Butters goes apeshit.

Side note : A funny thing I noticed about Butters being unhinged is how the main 4 realize it one after the other. Stan finds out in “Butterballs”, Kenny in “Going Native”, Kyle in S20 and, in this episode, we learn in the cafeteria scene that Cartman has known for a while now given how he says the prank is a way to put Butters back in his place.

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So when Butters punches his dad, Cartman doesn’t find it hilarious or laughingly thinks about how much trouble Butters will be in. Instead, he understands that Butters is about to go apeshit and immediately tries to calm him down and bring him back to his place.

Also, while Cartman is obviously worried about getting himself in trouble, there is some concern for Butters as well :

When Butters says he hit a lamppost, Cartman tenses up in fear, only calming down when Butters says he’s back up. Same when Butters screams, which also has Cartman calling Butters’ name twice with the second time being in a very small voice.

Then, the next scene is in the hospital. But since Butters was in “the bad part of town” and only Cartman knew about it, it gives off the impression that Cartman was the one to call an ambulance.

On top of that, when Cartman shows up to scare Butters into silence, literally the first thing that comes out of his mouth when he appears is “are you okay ?”, showing concern for Butters’ well-being.

Then, a few minutes later in the episode, you have Cartman being pissed off at Butters by thinking he’s an AI messing with him. And yet Cartman still talks about helping Butters out.

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But more importantly, there’s that scene near the end of the episode. Stan, Kyle and Cartman are in Butters’ room with Stephen being furious about their presence. Stephen then proceeds to take his belt off, implying he’s going to hit his son with it.

When this happens, the other three look for a sec before Stan goes back to his phone call and Kyle follows suit immediately. But Cartman doesn’t. For a few more seconds, Cartman looks at the Stotches with worry before finally getting back to the phone call.

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Compare that last scene to that one episode in S6 in which Cartman prank calls the Stotches parents to get Butters beaten up for shit and giggles.

In the span of 12 seasons, Cartman went from making Butters suffer for fun to showing genuine worry seeing the very same action he once happily caused.

That, right here, is growth. Cartman at some point stopped seeing Butters’ suffering as funny and even starts showing concern at the thought of Butters living in an abusive home.

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- You’re Not Yelping : There are only two moments in this one but the first is pretty big.

Basically, we see Cartman abuse his power as a yelp reviewer to get free food. And early in the episode, we see him give food to Butters.

But the thing is, in their dialogue, there’s no indication that Cartman is asking for any money or service in exchange. Cartman here is straight up being a good friend to Butters for the sake of being a good friend, going through the trouble of going to a restaurant to get food Butters genuinely likes without asking the kid anything in return. It might be a small moment, but coming from Cartman, this is big.

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As for the second scene, you have the fact that he goes to Butters for emotional support and listens to the kid’s advice, which in a way shows that he values Butters’ opinion on top of seeing him as someone he can confide in.

(And it makes me realize I didn’t mention in “The Magic Bush” how, at the very beginning, Cartman insulted Butters’ bird video but was still able to catch the “drone” part, showing that, to a certain degree, he was listening)

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- Safe Space : There’s just a small moment at the beginning I want to talk about. When the episode starts, we have Cartman playing victim and asking PC principal to get a kid to filter the comment section of his social media. Cartman probably knows it’s a very mentally draining task to do.

At first, you have Kyle, Cartman’s worst enemy, who is asked to do it. Then, you have Wendy, who Cartman also butts heads with quite a lot. Finally, you have Butters, who can’t refuse due to his trauma with punishment.

Two things worth noticing here : 1. When Kyle shows up, Cartman tells him he thought about him first. When Wendy shows up, PC Principal says Cartman mentioned her quickly. When Butters shows up, there’s no indication on who called him here.

2. When Butters is asked to do the task, Cartman continues to cry and protests, saying he wanted a smart kid to do it. Now, Cartman did mention with Kyle and possibly Wendy that he knows they’re both organized people who as a result are fit for the job. But at the same time, this is Cartman we’re talking about. He’ll take any opportunity he can to get someone to filter his comments. So him protesting at first about Butters definitely feels a bit odd.

So with both those info in mind, it makes me wonder : who asked for Butters to be in the room ? Did they go through a conga-line of students who said no ? Did PC Principal just go “alright since two refused let’s go with your best friend, see if he agrees” ?

No because the fact that Cartman protests with crocodile tears still in his eyes shows that he’s unhappy about the choice. And given the task at hand + his first two choices being people he despites, it looks like Cartman is trying to defend Butters, to protect him from the task. Coming from Cartman, this is definitely big.

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And yes, I know Butters ends up doing the task and Cartman acts shitty towards him. Though, as weak of an argument as it is, Cartman isn’t as bad towards Butters here as he used to be in former episodes. His biggest flaw here is being too self-absorbed to notice Butters’ distress. On top of this, PC Principal being the worst to this poor kid makes Cartman look better in comparison in this specific scenario.

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- Tegrity Farms : The last time we’ve seen Cartman and Butters do a “get rich quick” scheme together so far, which gets me very curious as to how their dynamic will be in future schemes (“City People” doesn’t really count since Cartman wanted to do it alone and was more focused on one-upping Liane).

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Thing is, aside from the punch at the beginning, Cartman and Butters are the closest we’ve ever seen them to being equals here. Throughout the whole episode, they work in tandem, with Kyle awkwardly following them while trying to stop Cartman. Hell, when Butters confronts Cartman after the punch, he outright says that Cartman referred to the two of them as partners !

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Another interesting point is the context behind how Cartman acts here. A while ago, I remember seeing a few people point out how Cartman was the one who told Kyle about Ike smoking, giving off the impression he wanted Kyle to be involved.

Another person pointed out how Cartman relies on Kyle at the end to come up with a plan. So it’s likely he did half-blackmailed half-manipulated Kyle into helping them because Kyle’s a smart cookie.

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With that in mind, think of the context we’re given in the episode. Cartman and Butters are apparently in debt. Cartman is the head of the operation, meaning that he’s the one trying to think of a way out of this. And when you think about it, there’s three ways he can go :

1. Continue the same direction, which is risky. Cartman doesn’t like risk if he doesn’t have a way out.

2. Bail and let Butters take the fall.

3. Have a third person in the team, preferably someone smart to help, who could take the fall if it came down to this.

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Cartman could’ve gone either solution 2 or 3. But from the looks of it, the beginning of the episode explains why solution 2 isn’t an option unlike in previous episodes. Because, when Cartman throws Butters under the bus here, the kid gets absolutely furious and, were it not for Cartman taking a dumb, he probably would’ve punched him.

And it looks like Cartman realizes it. By that point, Cartman seemingly stopped taking his relationship with Butters for granted and clearly values his help. He also realized that Butters isn’t going to let himself be walked all over anymore, meaning Cartman could lose his friendship if he messes up too much.

So when Cartman finds himself in the situation we see here, instead of dumping every issue on Butters, he takes a third person to throw under the bus, making sure both himself and Butters have a way out.

(This kinda makes me think of how someone also pointed out that, when Kyle confronts the duo at Mackey’s house, Butters admits how Cartman told the 6th graders that Kyle was around. And as he’s talking, Butters is smiling. I’ve seen people question why he’s smiling and all I can imagine is Butters thinking “I’m not the scapegoat this time around !”)

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Honestly, this really makes me question how Cartman will act next time the two of them work together to get rich. Is he going to throw Butters under the bus when things get too complicated ? Or is he going to find a third party to use as scapegoat in order to keep Butters happy ?

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- Shots : There’s just one very small moment that I still want to point out : after we see the issue of Cartman refusing his shots and how it’s going to cost him public school, we get a scene in the cafeteria with Butters telling the other boys about the first third of the episode.

Basically, Cartman gets homeschooled, hates his new teacher and the first thing he does once the teacher’s gone is calling Butters to bitch about it.

(Which reminds me of S20 with him disliking the GhostBusters movie and warning Butters about it, but in that case it felt like the only reason he texted Butters was due to Butters’ importance this season with the whole “Weiners out” movement. He probably would’ve texted Kenny otherwise)

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I guess another thing worth mentioning here is how, within the adults, Stephen is the one taking the lead when it comes to vaccinating Cartman. While surprising to see him step up, it does make sense in the context of the parents being worried that Cartman carrying a disease could affect their own children. Since Cartman and Butters are best friends, Butters is the most at risk.

Although Stephen can go fuck himself with his “no parent wants to see their child hurting” line, given how horrible he is as a parent. And on that note, Liane’s punch was absolutely fantastic (and the only good thing she did in this episode).

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- Let Them Eat Goo : Probably the second-best episode from a Cartters POV only, behind Magic Bush. The whole episode just has Cartman being “Butters :D” the whole way through. Seriously.

(Fun fact : I actually saw some random scenes there and there before watching the whole show, one of which being from this episode. So when I stumbled across a clip of the two singing about Sloppy Joe’s, with my only show experience being the first 8 seasons, my first thought was like “So…when did Cartman and Butters become best friends exactly ? How’d that happen ?!”. But then I watched the whole show and yeah, it made more sense.)

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The kids’ plot opens with the two of them happily singing about lunch together, which also shows that they don’t just hang out for schemes, they’re actual friends.

Then, when Cartman has his heart attacks, Butters is the only kid who shows genuine concern about it, especially the second time (I’d say it’s pretty sad that only one person cares but at the same time it’s Cartman so fuck him). He’s also the one taking care of Cartman, with Cartman never protesting about it.

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In general, Cartman directs all his anger towards the girls and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t insult Butters once here. All he does is wanting to have lunch with the kid and sing about food together.

Even after learning from Butters that the whole school lied to him, he never gets angry at him directly, despite Butters clearly being terrified at the thought of Cartman screaming betrayal at him, which makes sense considering the last time he betrayed Cartman was in “Obama Wins” with Cartman trying to kill him for it.

I could say more about Butters’ fear in this episode but I’m keeping Butters’ POV for the third part of this post.

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Lastly, this episode has the third scene of “Cartman trying to be there for Butters emotionally”, and I’d say this one is even bigger than the previous two.

While in the first one (“Informative Murder Porn”), Butters was crying on the ground so it was evident he was suffering, and in the second one (“The Magic Bush”) he explicitly tells Cartman he’s miserable, here, in “Let Them Eat Goo”, Butters doesn’t say a thing. He’s just less enthusiastic than usual.

So not only does Cartman notice, showing he’s been paying attention to Butters and how the kid expresses himself, Cartman also asks by himself if something is bothering Butters !

Cartman, Eric fucking Theodore Cartman, was capable of noticing that something was off about another person, realizing it could be emotional distress and asking the other person about it, very much willing to listen to that person’s problems and see if there’s something he could do about it. Eric Cartman !

Imagine being someone Cartman tries to comfort and being there to listen vent. Let’s just say you gotta be pretty special for this kid to be like that.

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And another thing about it, though it could just be due to the camera moving from one character to the other at each line : everytime Butters is done talking, Cartman seems to take a second before replying, as if making sure Butters said everything he wanted to say/trying to avoid interrupting Butters. But again, it could also just be due to the camera shifting from one to the other.

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In any case, we get to see Cartman noticing emotional distress and being willing to lend an ear without being judgmental/mocking or using it as future blackmail. Coming from Cartman, this is really big.

And when you think about it, Cartman actually hasn’t ripped on Butters in quite a while, or at least not to the same extent he used to.

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- City People : Not a lot to say here aside from the fact that, while their interactions are short, they’re pretty wholesome (way too wholesome from someone like Cartman).

First off, Cartman shows up at Butters’ house with a saddened expression, telling Butters he needs his help as if asking “do you have time right now ?”, or at least it can be read that way.

Also, compare that to the Christian band episode or “Go God Go”. In both those instances, Cartman shows up with a serious expression, tells Butters “I need you for X right now so do Y” without giving him the choice and then expects the kid to do the task without question. In “City People”, he’s being a lot softer and opens up very easily.

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Then, Cartman doesn’t mind the physical contact as comfort (until Butters says something that bothers Cartman) and is quick to tell Butters everything, trusting him to keep it secret.

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He also compliments Butters’ photography skills, which is a pretty big compliment coming from someone who sees photography as an art (as we see mostly in “Cartman Sucks”. Yeah I know, not the best episode to talk about in a Cartters post but you gotta do what you gotta do).

Btw Cartman had literally no reason to compliment Butters, the kid was already willing to help him. He just gave out a sincere compliment because he felt like it.

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Finally, you have the commercial filming scene. When Cartman enters Clyde’s house, he comments on the size and asks Butters’ opinion on it. Thing is, I feel like, was this episode made in an earlier season, Cartman wouldn’t have asked Butters’ opinion or would’ve told him to shut it had he spoken. But here, Cartman wants Butters’ opinion in the video. He wants to include Butters.

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- Credigree Weed St Patrick’s Day Special : Not a lot here either aside from two small moments.

First, you have that scene with Butters being the only kid giving a shit about the holiday. But despite visibly not caring, Cartman still says something positive about it to Butters, possibly to make the kid happy instead of ruining his enthusiasm.

In a way, it reminds me of “Nightmare on Face Time”, with Kenny and Cartman stumbling across Butters and Jimmy, Cartman taking interest in Butters’ clothing and, despite clearly finding the costume shitty, Cartman still says something positive about it. And when he says something sarcastic to Kenny about it, it doesn’t come off as mean spirited or mocking, like he's not saying it and then laughing about it. He’s playing nice to Butters, just like in the St Patrick’s Day episode.

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The second moment is the prison scene with the main 4 using the opportunity to visit Butters. Here, Cartman’s the first one to talk, asking Butters how the holiday’s treating him (I guess Cartman doesn’t want to ask “are you okay ?” in public out of pride or something) and lets out an unconvinced “cool” after Butters answers him.

Also, it might be just due to them being closer to the bars but Stan and Cartman take a second longer to turn around in comparison to Kyle and Kenny. Also also, Cartman spends the whole episode sounding dead inside, and him asking Butters how he’s doing is the only time there’s some emotion in his voice.

(Side note : I kinda love how Cartman clearly doesn’t care about the holiday but still dresses up for the occasion. He’s just that extra)

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On top of this evolution with Cartman softening up over time, I’ve seen people point out how Cartman is a lot more patient towards Butters than towards any other kid.

There are many instances in the show, I think mostly starting around S12-13, where Butters says something and Cartman reacts with mild annoyance, sighing and rolling his eyes before moving on

Examples include the deleted scene of “The Tale of Scrotie Mcboogerballs” (or at least I think it’s from this episode. It’s the thing with the main 5 + Jimmy and Ike making a sentence with random gross words), the garden of betrayal scene in the Black Friday trilogy or their exchange around the middle of “Dead Kids”, to name a few. Were it any other kid, Cartman would be yelling in those scenes.

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Along with that, Cartman lets Butters get away with a lot.

The best examples are the kiss from “Tonsil Trouble” or literally everything about “The Magic Bush”, the latter also showing that, whereas Cartman tends to yell back when someone angry is confronting him (unless the person is visibly stronger/more dangerous in which case he knows to be careful), when it comes to Butters specifically, all he does is gently repeat Butters’ name until the kid calms down.

We see him do it in “A Song of Ass and Fire” and “Where my Country Gone” as well. Btw in that last episode, during the whole scene of Cartman trying to find a Canadian girl for Butters, Cartman acts in a very gentle manner and it’s pretty sweet.

In that last episode, it’s also pretty funny how Cartman, who has been shown to be quite the romantic (“Cartman Finds Love”, “Tweek X Craig”) suddenly doesn’t have time for a slow romance when Butters is involved in it.

Oh yeah and fun fact, in “Let Them Eat Goo”, we see Butters trying to calm down Cartman by gently repeating his name, copying what Cartman does with him.

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Another good episode showing Cartman being a softie is the beginning of “Going Native”, which is honestly very funny.

First off, you have Cartman seeing Butters beat the shit out of Scott before locking himself in the bathroom, and Cartman goes on to tell the other boys about it, as if asking them for help.

Then Butters goes home and has a talk with his parents and, when we go back to the kids after school, they’re all playing outside until Cartman shows up, yet again talking about Butters. This implies that, when school ended, the first thing Cartman did was check on the kid (I mean they were next-door neighbors back then so I guess it wasn’t that big of a trip). And again, he seems to be asking the others for help.

It’s also worth noting that Butters apparently called him fat, which is something that not only usually makes Cartman go berserk (Tenorman, the therapist, that one kid he locked to a pole etc) but is also something Butters almost never says, unlike for example the “fatass” insult Stan and Kyle used often enough for Cartman to now let it slide. After all, we know from early seasons that he clearly hates the “fatass” nickname. He only lets it slide because he’s used to it despite hating it.

But yeah, despite the “fat” insult, Cartman still wants to help Butters.

And the funniest part of this : when Kyle tells Kenny to go help Butters, Cartman gets all passive-aggressive about Kenny’s help, calling him “mister perfect” and telling him to “rescue Butters”. It makes Cartman sound so jealous ! And even Kyle then raises a curious eyebrow, as if wondering what the hell just went through Cartman’s head ! I love this moment and how dumb it is !

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Yet another random thing I didn’t mention in the episodes list is “Sarcastaball”, with Cartman being supportive of Butters and going to him for advice.

And no I’m not including the cum joke as proof of them being close. Sure, it’s a sex joke between the two, which are kinda starting to pile up when you think about it, but in context neither of them knew what it was. Also the other kids drink it as well so…

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To finish up with this part, here’s some of my thoughts on Post-Covid Cartman + a few interesting things about his interactions with Butters/Vic :

First off all, know that I have no pity for Cartman. I know he’s a child raised in a bad environment and whose mental illnesses make him highly struggle with empathy/sympathy/compassion.

But at the same time, literally one of the main jokes about SP is the kids being the smart ones, especially compared to the adults. When Cartman commits a crime, he knows what he’s doing, he just doesn’t care. Hell, why do you think he’s always making sure to have a way to escape consequences ?

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Ultimately, the only thing I feel bad about when it comes to Cartman is the one thing he has no control over : His family life.

Him being raised by a single mom who should have never been a parent to begin with, on top of not only having an absent father but also losing the only father figure he ever had (Chef). After watching “City People” (and being disappointed by Liane’s final choice), I actually wanted to make a post about the Cartmans. Not sure if I’ll ever write it but in any case I’d rather wait until I watch “Streaming Wars” anyways in order to have more to talk about.

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With that in mind, regarding Cartman’s fate in Post-Covid, I don’t feel bad about him being homeless. Sure, I was surprised that someone like him wasn’t able to become successful since Cartman’s the kind of person who will succeed, no matter how little he deserves it (we sure live in a society), but still, I don’t feel bad.

It’s actually pretty interesting tho how a show that usually goes with the “realistic approach” in how characters are handled suddenly decided to give Cartman what he deserves, not what someone so corrupted would realistically have.

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Oh and don’t go telling me Cartman redeemed himself, because he sure as hell didn’t ! If he was reformed, he would’ve acknowledged all the horrible shit he did as a kid, especially to Kyle, and then apologize for it. But instead, he swept it all under the rug and acted like a victim when he was rightfully called out on it.

And he kept that victim mentality throughout the entire special, changing the narrative to make Kyle look bad, and some people actually bought into this act and talked shit about Kyle after the special aired ! Like guys ! This is Cartman we’re talking about here !

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And let’s not forget how he spent the entirety of the first special messing with Kyle by bringing up his Judaism at any chance. Also, while his family do seem to be good people, it’s obvious that they’re not that great.

I mean, first off Yentl seems to have a bad impression of Kyle right off the bat, showing that Cartman lied to her about his childhood to make the guy look bad.

Then, when they show up at Kyle’s doorstep, Yentl tells the kids that everything’s going to be alright before Kyle agrees to house them (btw Cartman using his family to make Kyle feel bad and house them).

The kids are also shown to have a victim mentality, likely spread by Cartman, and are all shown to swear, including the baby. And sure, all the kids in SP swear, but still.

Plus, one of the kids is overweight which, most of the time, is a sign of negligence, especially for a kid that young (he seems to be around 7-8).

Again, I do believe that Cartman’s wife and kids are good people. But they’re definitely not perfect and we can see Cartman’s influence on them.

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Oh and another thing I’d like to point out because it bothers me a bit : no, Cartman technically did not sacrifice his family. Cartman’s family sacrificed themselves.

Cartman was still arguing about saving them and killing Kyle, and it’s Yentl and the kids who convinced him to give up on this plan.

They’re the one who told Cartman it was okay, they’re the ones who promised that there was still a chance for them to meet in another timeline. It wasn’t all Cartman’s idea to sacrifice them, it was Yentl and the kids who stepped up and told Cartman that things were going to be alright, no matter what changes could be brought to the past. Had they not convinced Cartman to agree with Stan and Kyle, Cartman would’ve gone ahead with his original plan.

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Long story short : Adult Cartman is still the same monster he was as a kid, he’s just better at hiding it.

Ultimately, the only genuine thing about him is his love for his family. It’s the only part where he seemed truly honest. Everything else, he was just using people.

Heck I’ve seen people point out how his conversion to Judaism could be due to his former views on Kyle that might have led him to fetishize the religion or use it as a way to cope after “losing Kyle”, things like that.

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Now, with the “Cartman is the worst” rant out of the way, here’s a few interesting things about how Cartman and Butters/Vic interact in the bathroom scene :

1. The fact that Cartman was able to find Vic more easily than Stan and Kyle despite searching for a shorter time actually makes a lot of sense. Stan and Kyle just went where the destruction happened and tried to follow the general direction of where Vic was last seen.

Cartman on the other hand is a con artist, just like Vic. So he probably asked himself “If I wanted to scam people easily, where would I go ?” and immediately knew where Vic was.

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2. I’ve seen people point out in a youtube comments section how Cartman is the only one who was able to “break” the persona Vic created of himself and bring back the old Butters, shown by the “Oh Hamburgers”.

I think the explanation suggested was that Cartman was able to see through Vic’s mask due to being a liar with a fake personality himself.

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3. Kind of a side note really but looking at this scene, I feel like this is the moment Vic recognized Stan and Kyle. Like, earlier in the asylum, he went over their names very quickly and probably wasn’t much interested in them to begin with anyways.

But in this scene, he very much recognized Cartman, and there’s only one Kyle that Cartman is obsessed with. So I feel like Cartman mentioning Kyle is when Vic made the connection between the “Stand and Kyle” guys who knew his child nickname and the Kyle Cartman hates so much and wants to kill.

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4. Something pretty funny : the fact that Cartman at the very least knows that Vic was in an asylum, meaning he’s dangerous to a certain degree, and yet Cartman has no issue immediately telling him about how he’s trying to save his wife and kids.

Like, Cartman, buddy, the guy in front of you is incredibly dangerous and possibly holds a huge against you from all the shit you did to him as a kid. Why are you telling him your weak point you absolute moron ?

Idk, it just amuses me that Cartman still confides in Vic so easily despite how long it’s been since the last time they saw each other.

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5. Throughout both specials, we see three sides of Cartman : his “love my family” side, his “nice rabbi persona” side that he uses to manipulate others, and his “true selfish” side, which is when he acts like he did as a kid.

For most scenes, he plays nice until pushed to a point where his true side comes out, the best example being his fight with Kyle in the church. But in that bathroom scene, Cartman doesn’t hide behind any persona.

When he confronts Vic, he talks exactly the same way he did when they were kids. It’s the only time in the whole episode where he doesn’t even try to pretend to be anyone else but himself. And sure, it can be seen as a scare tactic, bringing back Vic’s trauma to scare him into helping. But at the same time, it is pretty interesting how the only time Cartman acts without a mask is when alone with Vic.

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Alright, that was all I had to say about the evolution of their friendship and whatnot. If you’re still here and reading, I promise the other two parts aren’t as long and I’m sorry this turned out to be so big. I like rambling and get too passionate about stuff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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2. The duo’s sexualities and genders (and how Cartman is obsessive)

  So, let’s start off by talking about Cartman’s sexuality.

Basically, I’m pretty convinced that he’s bi/pan, and I’m pretty sure it’s canon at that point ?

Like, you had several instances throughout the show of him showing attraction to both guys and gals, with my favorite example being “Le Petite Tourette” due to him admitting in the same scene that he has a crush on a girl and touched dicks with one of his cousins (though the latter does raise the question of how old was the other cousin and as a result how consensual the action was…).

And then you have “Tweek X Craig” with a whole side plot of him denying his attraction to guys, only to cave in at the end. So doesn’t that mean he’s canon queer ?

(btw I’d like to point out that in this episode you also have Stan being pretty focused on Tweek and Craig’s relationship. While the other boys were just surprised but then moved on, Stan spends the whole episode asking questions like “what make people gay ?” and “if it happened to them, can it happen to me ?” Due to that, I tend to believe that Stan’s canon sexuality is questioning)

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Something else worth pointing out in this episode : in general, Cartman is a huge bigot. We all know that (and looking at the episodes he shares with Tolkien, I sometimes wonder if he even views Tolkien as a human being. That’s how much of a bigot he is).

But in “The Hobbit”, we see him partly defending Lisa Burger after the boys made fun of her for her weight, though he follows by insulting her looks. So from this, we can assume that Cartman is a bigot towards everyone but fat people, because he himself is fat.

Well guess what about “Tweek X Craig” : After the first montage, we see Cartman think about their relationship, with Cupid him showing up, and Cartman proceeds to say something along the lines of “Just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean I have to be against it”. Carmtan. Eric fucking Cartman said that !

So the fact that Cartman isn’t intolerant towards gay couples, the same way he isn’t intolerant towards fat people, does raise questions as to how he feels towards guys.

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Although, to me, the biggest proof of Cartman’s bisexuality/pansexuality is his obsession with both Kyle and Butters. But I’m going to develop it a few lines down.

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Ultimately, I feel like Cartman is either bi or pan.

He’s aware that he’s attracted to guys, though he tries to deny it. At the same time, I don’t think he realizes that the way he acts towards Kyle and Butters could be due to some form of attraction, though I can’t really bring myself to see his current “attraction” to Kyle and Butters as romantic. But it’s still a form of attraction nonetheless.

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As for Cartman’s gender, I do think he’s cis, though he absolutely enjoys women clothes. But thing is, whenever he cross-dresses, it’s for show (the “insufferable teenage girl” thing in S6, the clip in “Butterballs”, a persona in “W.T.F”, him singing and dancing in “Awesome-O”). So I’d say he’s more of a drag queen rather than genderfluid, tho I do like the genderfluid headcanon.

Furthermore, in “The Cissy”, Cartman pretends to be a trans girl for bathroom privileges. And in that one occasion where he has to pretend to be a girl on a daily basis, he only does the bare minimum, putting a bow on while continuing to show his masculinity.

The fact that this instance in particular is the one time he doesn’t put any effort in his appearance is what leads me to believe that he’s cis, though gender non-conforming for sure.

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Now, for Cartman’s obsessions with Kyle and Butters, because this is honestly something I find incredibly interesting but I don’t want to make too many posts so you’ll have to suffer through reading about it here. I’m going to try keeping this as short as possible by just explaining how Cartman expresses those obsessions and some differences I find interesting.

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- Cartman’s obsession with Kyle is mostly shown through him being a stalker.

He once said he sneaks into Kyle’s room on the regular (tbh “kid shows up uninvited into another kid’s bedroom” is pretty common in SP), in a deleted scene of “Naughty Ninjas” he admits to having recorded every discussion he has had with Kyle for a whole year in case he gets blackmail material, and there are three scenes in which we see him being able to predict what Kyle is going to say (“Kenny Dies” I think when he sends Butters to talk to Stan and Kyle, I think “Obama Wins” with Cartman calling Kyle while he’s talking to Ike and guessing what Kyle was talking about, and a deleted scene from “Grounded Vindaloop” with a phone call between Kyle and Butters)

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A result of that which we often see is Cartman’s ability to manipulate Kyle. If Cartman wants Kyle to do something, he will get Kyle to do it. Cartman knows exactly which buttons to press to get Kyle to act a certain way and is capable of using this on the regular.

I could say more about this but this post is already way too long so I’m putting it in the Ky//man part of the “my opinion on other ships” bonus at the very end. Expect negativity though.

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- When it comes to Butters, there are three things that could be related to Cartman being obsessed with him. From least creepy to most creepy :

1. Butters easily comes to Cartman’s mind. Like in “Fishsticks” when he keeps imagining new scenarios in his head and, whenever someone who wasn’t on the scene shows up, it’s always Butters first. Or how in early seasons he was already often asking Butters for help despite kids like Clyde being around.

(btw, just wanted to say I’m always surprised when I see people say that Butters is the kid who acts the most like a kid when Clyde is right there. I mean come on ! Clyde is the definition of “awkward, impressionable and kind of a loser” kid. Especially in newer seasons in which Butters is a lot more unhinged and corrupted)

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2. Sort of a continuation but in early seasons, Cartman was very focused on pranking Butters specifically. Compare that to Scott Malkinson, who some people call “the new Butters” due to his status as bottom of the social ladder. Cartman doesn’t give a shit about Scott and never goes out of his way to prank him.

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3. Cartman has a huge fixation on Butters’ body, in particular his dick. We can see it through not only his tendency to have Butters either naked or cross-dressing during his schemes, but also a few instances of him trying to take a peek of Butters’ dick like in “Proper Condom Use” or even more recently with “Return of Covid” with how he interrupts Vic mid-piss. Another good example is “T.M.I”.

Then you also have some creepy behavior like him smelling Butters’ underwear in “Stunning and Brave” (btw last time I watched this scene I noticed that Cartman bites his lip while sniffing. Like, please don’t ever do that again kid) or “Cartman Sucks” in which, while I agree that Cartman was doing what he did to humiliate Butters, given his track record, I’d argue it says something that the first thing that came to his mind was putting Butters’ dick in his mouth of all things.

On that same note, when talking about how privacy is gone in “The Magic Bush”, he mentions “your wiener, my balls”. And given how often he talks about his balls (especially when negotiating) + his track record with Butters’ dick, it does make me wonder if the choice of words here was deliberate.

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I’ve also seen a post half-jokingly theorize that Cartman might find Butters’ body attractive, and honestly it does hold water.

The idea is due to the episodes “Douch and Turd” and “Canada on Strike”, both of which have a scene with Cartman using Butters’ body as a way to attract people to his cause. I’d say “Canada on Strike” especially due to some naked shots in the “What What in The Butt” clip + the fact that at some point during the clip we see Stan and later on Cartman sitting on a chair in front of the computer. Compared to Stan, Cartman is really leaning towards the screen.

And yeah, between those two instances and the way Cartman in general tries to get Butters naked or look at his dick, it does give the impression that he finds Butters attractive.

And in the case of the two episodes mentioned, maybe he assumes that everyone finds Butters attractive since Cartman is still struggling with his sexuality. Basically, he may not realize that he’s physically attracted to Butters so he simply believes that Butters is good-looking.

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Btw, I insist on the “physically attracted”. I’m not calling it romantic love in any way. If anything, it’s Cartman liking Butters body but being too much of a mess to know how to express this attraction in a healthy way. All he knows is that he likes looking at Butters’ body, so he tries to do it as often as possible.

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(And I have to be honest, for a while I thought he had calmed down on that aspect. But looking at the Covid special, he really didn’t. It’s just that now that he and Butters are friends, he can’t go around asking the boy to strip. Hell, Butters has enough confidence now to say no and even maybe tell him to fuck off.)

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- On top of those, both kids were victim of sexual harassment and sexual abuse from Cartman, showing how far those obsessions can get. And while you do have instances like “Cartman Sucks” and “Imaginationland” in which Cartman doesn’t seem to realize he’s doing something sexual or at the very least isn’t doing it with sexual intent in mind, it doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s sexually harassing and assaulting those kids.

Then there’s also for example Cartman’s journal in “Fractured But Whole”. From what I remember, there are four sexual drawings and every single of contains either Kyle or Butters in it. I think one of them also depicts Butters with a large dick but I’m not sure and I don’t really want to check that detail, for obvious reasons.

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Another thing he possibly does with both is physical contact. Like, in general Cartman is a pretty touchy person, but he kinda feels extra touchy towards Kyle and Butters specifically I think ?

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As a result of all that, I tend to interpret Cartman’s views on them as some sort of non-sexual lust, if that’s even a thing that exists.

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- Finally, I find it very interesting how, despite both being kids Cartman obsesses over, the way he views them and acts towards them is incredibly different.

To keep it short : when Cartman wants someone to mess with or to blame for his issues/be paranoid about, he goes to Kyle. When Cartman seeks emotional support and someone he can trust and confide into but also work on good terms with, he seeks Butters. Basically, he thrives off of Kyle’s negative attention and Butters’ positive attention. Idk, I just find this interesting.

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Oh and one last thing that I’ve seen being mentioned for Butters in a few fics and it’s incredibly fucked up but at the same time very much in character coming from Cartman : the fact that Cartman is a n*zi, Kyle is Jewish and Butters is blond with possibly blue eyes, aka what a n*zi would call an “aryan”.

So the two kids that Cartman is obsessed over are what he considers to be the worst in humanity and the best in humanity. I both hate this info and find it really interesting from a characters’ POV.

And on a side note, this could also explain his fixation on Butters’ body, in a very, very messed up way.

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Now, a few words about Butters’ sexuality because we’re here to talk about a relationship after all : Tbh, I’m not really sure if Butters is straight or bi/pan ? Like, he absolutely finds women attractive, that’s not even a question.

But when it comes to guys, I see people say that he has bi tendencies but they don’t bring up any examples and the only thing I can think of are the “bi-curious” jokes, in which I’m not even sure Butters knows what he’s talking about ?

Does anybody remember any instances of Butters showing a liking for guys, aside from calling himself bi-curious/bike-curious or looking gay due to Cartman being obsessed with him ? I’m genuinely curious here.

And no, the other characters calling him gay as an insult doesn’t count. That’s not even something I’ll use to justify Stan’s sexuality despite thinking he’s questioning it.

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(For those who are likely confused as to how I can ship Cartters if I don’t see Butters as bi/pan : basically I’m the type to stick with canon, probably a little too much, so I like when my headcanons are backed up by canon. But if Butters turns out to be straight in the show, it won’t stop me from seeing him as bi in fanon even if it’s not canon-compliant)

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As for Butters’ gender, I believe he’s cis.

Speaking of which, because I feel the need to talk about it : my biggest pet peeve about the fandom has to be how popular the “character” of Ma//jorine is.

Now don’t get me wrong, I get it. Butters is a popular character and people project their own gender euphoria on him because they have a golden opportunity to do so. Trust me, I’ve been there (*cough* trans Vin//nie Dako//ta *cough*). On top of that, I’m sure many people simply enjoy her design.

And even without all that in mind, in terms of trans headcanons, I absolutely love the idea of Princess Kenny being a trans woman in a SOT AU. So I’m really not one to talk and can’t blame people for simply having headcanons.

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But it doesn’t change the fact that there are things about Ma//jorine that bother me and even make me uncomfortable, though that’s very much a “me” problem.

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Let me explain (this whole part is going to be in italics so it’s easy to skip if you don’t want to listen to a negative rant about her. And yeah I know this could’ve been its own thing but I’m not making a post just to talk shit about a harmless headcanon) :

- Starting with the biggest problem and the one thing that makes me genuinely uncomfortable : Cartman.

To put it simply, Butters has cross-dressed on three occasions in the show. In “Douche and Turd” with Cartman making him dance the hula, in “Ma//jorine” with the boys sending a spy amongst the girls due to Cartman thinking they have a future-telling device, and the Superheroes trilogy with Cartman forcing Butters to dress up as Courtney Love and take suggestive pictures with a naked homeless man.

You might notice a pattern.

Every single time Butters cross-dressed, it had to do with one of Cartman’s schemes. Worse, the last one (Courtney Love) had Butters protest about it on top of having the other boys calling the plan “taking naked pictures of Butters”.

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To keep it short and to the point : we know Cartman is fixated on Butters body + Cartman struggles with his sexuality. In other words, it’s not Butters who enjoys wearing women’s clothes, it’s Cartman who enjoys seeing Butters in those.

And that’s why it’s making me uncomfortable. When I see art of Ma//jorine, instead of thinking about Butters expressing himself, all I can think of is Cartman preying on this poor kid.

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Also, regarding the episode “Ma//jorine” itself, I’m part of the “Butters was uncomfortable the whole time” crowd.

Like, 1. He was clearly stressed and uncomfortable with the plan.

2. The line “You don’t know how hard it is to be me” doesn’t have to do with his gender (tho I can understand why people resonate with it) but with the fact that this is early seasons Butters. He’s a victim to everyone else. So of course it’s hard to be him ! Imagine having such a childhood !

3. Him having so much fun with the girls yet again comes from the fact that literally nobody likes him, so of course he’s going to latch onto the very first group that’s kind enough to accept him.

4. Once he leaves the party, the first thing he does is throw the wig away.

Ultimately, the only time Butters expressed desires to wear feminine clothes is in “The Cissy” with the tutu at the end, plus the fact that he casually mentions how he’s holding his pee now because the bathroom situation confuses him. But I don’t think those instances are ever brought up again ?

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- Something that isn’t an issue exclusive to Butters and can be found in pretty much any fandom anyways : character feminization.

Basically, the fact that people still try to put heteronormative ideas into gay couples, causing one of them to be the “man” and the other the “woman” of the relationship. As a result, some characters get their personalities completely messed with in a very bad way, especially the characters who end up feminized.

Again, that’s not an SP-exclusive issue. Literally every fandom has this problem. And while the SP fandom is old and apparently knows better nowadays, there are still posts circulating about the feminization of Kyle, Butters and Tweek.

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Basically, for Butters, you have the issue of “Kenny and Cartman are much manlier than Butters so surely he’s the woman in the relationship !” As a result, some people seem to use Ma//jorine as an excuse to make Butters be even more of a girl, which is pretty messed up.

Tbh, I don’t blame the fans of Ma//jorine for this, as this is clearly a minority. Plus, a while ago on the main SP tag, there have been a lot of Bu//nny posts that had both Kenny and Butters wear women’s clothing, in which case I don’t see any issue since both are shown as more feminine.

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All-in-all, I think the biggest issue with Butters is the fact that both Cartman and Kenny had been seen willingly wearing women’s clothes and enjoying it. And yet Butters, the kid that was forced into those clothes, is the one who gets feminized. Again, it definitely stems from heteronormativity, with those people not understanding that guys can be both masculine and feminine.

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Also, guys, a man can take the lead in a relationship and be more masculine while at the same time being gender non-conforming or even being a bottom. Because that’s another issue people have with heteronormativity (I’m talking generally with that last one. I’m not one to age-up characters so I don’t want to think about SP kids and sex stuff . I don’t care that the show itself put those kids in sex situations, it’s still uncomfortable to watch).

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- For those who like her mostly due to her design : there’s that background girl character in the show called Kelly Pinkerton-Tinfurter. It’s that blonde girl with two pigtails, a pink shirt and a scarf.

For the longest time, before learning her name, I called this girl “Ma//jorine-haired girl”. Because let’s be real, while not identical, the hair is pretty similar. You can probably guess where I’m going with this.

For those who like Ma//j for the design only, what about Kelly ? Heck, you can give her more than the one pair of clothes she has in the show. And you can draw her without her pigtails as well (hope this doesn’t come off as condescending since that’s not the intention here…I’m very much aware that using Kelly isn’t the same as using Butters. But at the same time, I find it to be a good compromise).

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Another good thing about using Kelly as Ma//jorine would be the personality.

Whenever people draw Ma//j, it kinda feels like they’re taking Butters’ early seasons personality and add a feminine touch to it. But Butters has gone through major character development throughout the show and is now very different from the kid he used to be in S8-9.

(Imma be honest, I never read a single fic with Ma//j in it, so I really can’t speak for how she’s characterized in fics. But looking at fanart, she does tend to give a “Butters’ pre-development self” vibe)

Oh and Butters also turned out incredibly misogynistic, which I should’ve point out earlier when talking about him not being comfortable with cross-dressing but anyways.

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So yeah, Kelly as a character is a blank slate. All we know is she’s a girl and likes board games. You could easily give her Butters’ early seasons personality and make it more feminine. And that way, you can even have both Butters and Ma//j exist at the same time.

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(also, hope it doesn’t come off as rude but isn’t it usually a fandom thing to focus on side characters, using the fact that they’re a blank state to flesh them out and make them actual characters ?)

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Lastly, regarding the trans headcanons, because I’m very much aware that the main appeal of Ma//j is the trans rep : what if Kelly was a trans girl as well ?

At some point while thinking about Kelly, I looked up the boys at school and found out about “unnamed blond boy with red shirt”

Remember the early seasons episode with the kids in the bus stuck on a cliff ? That boy is the kid who leaves the bus and gets eaten. Apparently, that was his only appearance in the show. But since the whole episode turns out to be a dream within a dream, maybe he’s still alive ?

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On top of that, I found out that, while Kelly’s first appearance was in “Stupid Spoiled Whore”, which was one season before “Ma//jorine”, she had very little background appearances between her first appearance and “Ma//j” and shows up a lot more afterwards. Oh and she’s conveniently not there in “Ma//jorine”, which I’m guessing is due to design similarities.

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So here’s my idea for Kelly : she’s amab who never felt like she fit in with the other boys, hence why we never see her. Then “Ma//jorine” happens and seeing Butters in those clothes give Kelly major gender envy. So she starts growing her hair more, feeling also confident about “imitating” Ma//j due to the fact that the girl mysteriously disappeared after a few days, so it’s not like they’ll run into each other.

Once she feels confident enough in her looks, she starts trying to socialize with a few girls who accept her. You could also imagine that she already had a few “unpopular” girl friends (by unpopular I mean “not part of the main girl group we usually see”) with who she felt a lot more at home than with other boys. Plus, those friends encouraged her to express her gender.

Eventually, she introduces herself to the more popular girls as Kelly and becomes part of the group. Though, it’d be funny if some of the girls thought she was Ma//jorine who came back after a few months, with Kelly playing along because Ma//j was only around for like a week max so it’s not like she pretends to be the girls’ life-long friend or something. This idea of using the Ma//j nickname does feel a bit like shitting on Ma//j tho.

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(You know, on one hand, this is low-key making me consider writing a oneshot about Kelly. But on the other hand, I’m not very big on side characters, including Kelly, so it would feel more like something written to spite people who like Ma//jorine rather than an actual desire to flesh out a side character. So I doubt I’ll ever write anything about her transitioning. If I ever make a long story that has several side characters, I’d absolutely include her as part of the side cast tho.)

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So, very long story short : my main issue with Ma//j is that the way she’s used feels like Butters’ core personality is taken away for a more shy and feminine version of the character, on top of “validating” some of Cartman’s fucked up views. And the fact that there’s a side character that could perfectly fit the mold makes this impression worse.

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3. How the two view each other and how their relationship could evolve

  Alright, so with sexuality and gender out of the way, let’s talk a little more about how the two currently see each other and how it can evolve (not me just realizing now how useless the second part of this post actually is…).

As of right now, the two consider each other to be best friends.

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First off all, I actually really like how their relationship evolved in a “natural” way, if I can say.

What I mean is that, usually, relationships reach a point where they have to talk things out in order to move in a better direction or understand each other’s boundaries. Just look at Stan and Kyle for example and how their relationship grew resentful as the two kept sweeping everything under the rug (please do yourself a favor and go read some analysis about Stan and Kyle’s friendship. There’s tons of interesting stuff !).

But with Cartman and Butters, their friendship grew without much talk. They’re just two guys who kept hanging out and eventually grew attached to each other. Butters is competent for schemes so Cartman kept him around. Then Cartman started opening up to him and Butters proved himself trustworthy. And now, Cartman is trying to return the favor.

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Although, I do think that at some point, these two will hit a wall and will need to talk things off. Because when you look at their relationship on an emotional level, it’s actually pretty one-sided, on Cartman’s end.

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Cartman puts tons of faith into Butters and trusts him pretty much blindly. I’m not sure if this is due to him being paranoid that leads him to trust one specific person, but in any case, the trust is here. Cartman confides in Butters, trusts him during their schemes and goes to him for emotional support.

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But Butters on the other hand…he just doesn’t. Hell, looking at the three scenes of Cartman showing emotional support : “Informative Murder Porn”, Butters is crying on the ground so he didn’t ask anybody to try and comfort him ; “The Magic Bush”, Butters told Cartman he was miserable as a way to scold him ; “Let Them Eat Goo”, Butters didn’t say a thing and it’s Cartman who notices that something’s wrong.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it looks like Butters trusts Cartman the same way the other boys do, which is “Cartman is absolutely incredible at coming up with schemes and knows what he’s doing, so if you need a leader/schemer to help you, you should  seek his help. But for anything else, fuck him.”

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Now obviously, Butters does consider Cartman to be his best friend and his attached to him. Just look at his reaction to the heart attacks in “Let Them Eat Goo”. There’s evident concern here (especially compared to like the ending of “Pee” or that one moment in “Stick of Truth” where you have to heal Cartman and Butters is like “how about we let him suffer a little longer ?”).

Also, smaller moment but I never saw anyone point it out : in “Naughty Ninjas”, when the boys want to get rid of Cartman and make a vote, everyone move their heads while agreeing, except for Butters, who as a result likely decided to side with Cartman instead, hence him not moving during the vote.

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Another thing regarding Butters’ side and him being attached to Cartman, as weird as it is to say : him being around Cartman is a pretty good thing for the kid. Because Butters is unhinged and full of rage from his parents’ bullshit (to put it lightly). As a result, hanging out with Cartman not only gives him an outlet to express the mean/angry side of him, but Cartman is also able to prevent Butters from going apeshit, at least sometimes.

And I think that’s also why Butters considers Cartman his best friend. Cartman is someone Butters can be at his worst with. Given his family situation, it’s probably freeing for him, making him feel a bit more in control of his life.

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But while Butters genuinely cares and likes Cartman, he still doesn’t trust him (rightfully so honestly). More than that, Butters is still terrified of Cartman. Recent examples show that, like the second half of “Let Them Eat Goo” and his scene in “City People” (when Cartman pushes Butters’ hand away, Butters keeps his hand close to his chest in a defensive way, before dropping it since Cartman doesn’t show any sign of aggressivity).

Tbh, I absolutely adore that we get to see Butters be so scared of Cartman still. I think it has to do with the fact that obviously Butters should be scared of Cartman after all the horrible shit the boy put him through.

And what I like about it is that, being a comedy show and all, Matt and Trey could’ve easily just gone “well they’re best friends now so Butters isn’t scared anymore”. But instead, they acknowledge that Butters was traumatized and, as a result, is still afraid of Cartman.

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On that note, I really hope that “Butters is scared of Cartman while Cartman keeps acting friendly towards him” is a thing we’ll keep having in future episodes.

It’s honestly really great in “Let Them Eat Goo” to see Butters being so worried about Cartman calling him a traitor, only for Cartman to spend the entire episode being friendly with him. I just really like the evolution of Butters’ fear in this episode and how he slowly calms down the more he realizes that Cartman won’t hurt him. It’s very endearing to see.

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But yeah, going back to that “they’ll need to sit down and talk at some point”, this is what I mean.

Butters was heavily traumatized by all the horrible shit Cartman put him through (made worse when you consider that what led Butters to get so close to Cartman in the first place is the fact that his parents are incredibly controlling, so of course an authority figure like Cartman would allure him).

At some point, Cartman will have to realize that what he did wasn’t ok, and that Butters isn’t going to just forgive him like that. Cartman is on a good path right now but he needs to keep going if he wants that friendship to be healthy. Cartman also really needs to be called out for his creepy predatory behavior.

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This whole thing is also why I like to imagine Cartters as one-sided on Cartman’s end. As someone who isn’t particularly fond of portraying abusive relationships, I’m really not a fan of the idea of Butters liking his bully without the bully actually acknowledging his actions. I feel like it also undermines Cartman’s abuse by having Butters forgive him every time in the name of love or something.

(Don’t get me wrong, I can still genuinely appreciate Cartters fics that don’t really go there, but I do feel like Cartman is let off a little too easily most of the time. Then again, most fics take place in their teenage years so I can sorta understand that feeling of “it’s all behind them now”, tho I still wish there was more acknowledgment.)

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Oh yeah and a few other reasons why I like one-sided Cartters with Cartman being in love :

- I like portraying characters as disasters and Cartman being a bi disaster who also struggles to accept his sexuality is very endearing

- Cartman liking someone who doesn’t like him back makes him miserable. I like when Cartman is miserable

- Butters doesn’t strike me as being in love with Cartman in the show, especially due to the episode “Scause for Applause”. In this episode, Butters acts as Stan’s hype man and pretty much acts the same way he does with Cartman, save for having a bit less admiration. So if he views Stan in a platonic way, he views Cartman in a platonic way. And given all the hurt Cartman caused him, it would take quite a few years for romantic feelings to grow.

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All of that is also why I said in the intro that I don’t want this ship to be canon as of now and would rather see their friendship grow healthier. Especially since I do believe it could get better if the show wanted to go that direction.

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After all, if you were to show someone who doesn’t know shit about SP the seasons 17-25 and asked them to describe the duo’s friendship, they’d probably say “they’re best friends. Sometimes Cartman’s an ass but when is he not.” Because, as of right now, Cartman and Butters are in a pretty good place. BUT that’s only if you ignore all the trauma from the early seasons.

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As of right now, there are two steps that they need to take in their relationship, which both boils down to “Cartman needs to keep getting better so that Butters can learn to trust him”.

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The first step is that Cartman needs to stop throwing Butters under the bus during their schemes. This, to me, is the most important part right now.

That’s also why earlier I mentioned how curious I am for their next “get rich quick” scheme given how “Tegrity Farms” turned out, with Cartman making Butters the scapegoat at first but then blackmailing Kyle into helping to use him instead. It does give the hope that Cartman may start using a third person in most schemes.

But then again it is Cartman we’re talking about. Plus, the show isn’t always consistent with its characters. So we’ll just have to wait and see.

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The second step is just Cartman continuing to be nice to Butters like he’s been since S17. That’s where the “Butters being afraid of physical violence” comes in, and why I want it to continue.

If Cartman keeps going the way he’s currently going, I hope we’ll get to see Butters slowly learning to drop his guard around Cartman, because Cartman would have deserved it for putting actual effort into this friendship and proving himself to not have any desires to hit Butters at every turn like he used to.

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Then, once those two steps are done, it would be time for them to unravel all the trauma from the past seasons and work through this. It’s at this point that they would hit a wall and need to talk things out in order to keep their friendship growing.

Obviously this would never happen because this is SP, I know. But if this was a show that focused on character development, this is how I could see it work.

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There is, however, one last issue with this. That issue is Cartman’s desire to change.

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I mentioned earlier when talking about the Covid specials how the only thing that was true about Cartman was his love for his family. And that brought me to learn one thing about Cartman : he is capable of love.

Cartman can love someone, he can bring himself to care about someone else other than himself, or at least to a certain degree. Like some have pointed out before, Cartman could have easily destroyed the time machine or time-traveled to kill Kenny or something. But instead, he let his obsessive hatred for Kyle consume him. He didn’t just do it to save his family, he was also being selfish.

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But this aside, we do see Cartman capable of being nice to one person specifically, while remaining a manipulative asshole to everyone else. Now the question is, can he do the same for a platonic relationship ? After all, Yentl was his wife. Butters is only a friend, obsession or not.

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Don’t get me wrong, Cartman did become nicer to Butters as the show went on. Hell, comparing obsessions and love interests, I tend to say that Cartman with Heidi = Cartman with Kyle and Cartman with Yentl = Cartman with Butters.

What I mean is Heidi and Kyle are people Cartman is incredibly manipulative towards and tried/tries to change for the worst, while Yentl and Butters are cases in which Cartman is the one changing for them.

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But still, as much as Cartman might care for Butters and want to be a good friend to him, how much is Cartman capable of caring for Butters ? And as a result, how much is he willing to change ? That’s the main issue here.

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Cartman can’t change unless he wants to. You can’t help someone if they don’t want to be helped. Cartman is a narcissist/sociopath. He’s capable of affection, empathy and even love, but to a limited degree.

And because of that, when it comes to his friendship with Butters, while he has shown huge progress as the show went on, there’s no telling how much this progress can continue before hitting a limit. And there’s no telling how much this limit will prevent their relationship from being healthy.

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Ultimately, I don’t think their relationship could ever be 100% healthy. Cartman is a huge control freak and I don’t think he’s that capable of change.

That being said, Cartman and Butters could become equals, or at least as close to equals as Cartman is capable of.

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As of right now, the closest people to be equals to Cartman are Kenny and Wendy, mostly due to them not being afraid of him. Wendy especially knows how to avoid being manipulated by Cartman and I do think the two could become equals if Cartman had any sort of respect for her (which he doesn’t).

As for Kenny, it’s a mix between not being afraid and Cartman himself having some form of respect for Kenny, and I think that’s what gives me hope that Cartman and Butters’ relationship could be better.

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Cartman grew to respect (to an extent) and care for Butters. So if Butters were to grow out of his fear of Cartman’s actions, while Cartman keeps being a softie to him, they could have a better relationship.

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Although, such a relationship still wouldn’t be 100% healthy, especially if you imagine them growing up to become con men or CEOs together.

But the main difference would be that, while Cartman could still screw up Butters, Butters could also screw up Cartman and get away with it without Cartman trying to get revenge, and as such without Butters having the fear of said revenge.

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It would be far from perfect, nor would it be completely healthy. But given their personalities, this is the best they could have. It might also make their relationship have a more casual feeling to it while still having genuine care for each other. But in any case, I think this is a relationship they would both be content with.

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Before finishing with the “other ships opinions”, here’s a few other things I wanted to talk about but didn’t know where to put, in no particular order :

- Despite Cartman being closer to Butters, he seems to still consider Kenny his best friend. Regarding this, I don’t think Cartman has fully realized just how close he and Butters became.

For example, take the scene from “You’re not Yelping” when he gives Butters free food. I feel like, had anybody pointed out to him that he just gave free food to Butters, Cartman would’ve gone “Hey you’re right ! Butters you asshole come back here you owe me money !”

Looking at their recent interactions, it does seem like most of what Cartman does for Butters is “subconscious”, in the sense that he knows that he’s being nice to Butters but probably doesn’t realize just how much he’s doing for that kid, especially compared to literally anybody else.

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- When it comes to Cartters, I don’t think it’s enough for Cartman to be nicer towards Butters. Butters also needs to become worse, embrace the darker “fucked up and corrupted con artist” side of him.

I honestly don’t believe in Cartman redeeming himself and becoming a better person overall. But since he is capable of love, I do think that their relationship could work if Butters was on the “unredeemable” side as well. Their relationship wouldn’t be 100% healthy and would have a few hiccups, but it’d work for them. Kind of in a “they deserve each other” sort of way I guess ?

That’s actually something I really like about Cartters : In order to ship it, you need to acknowledge how much of an asshole Butters actually is.

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- Cartman’s friendship with Butters is like a double-edged sword to him and I find that very funny. Episodes like “The Magic Bush” or “Tegrity Farms” portray that very well.

On one hand, Cartman now has an incredibly loyal and trustworthy ally. But on the other hand, Butters isn’t taking any of his shit anymore, so Cartman better act like an actual friend if he doesn’t want to lose him.

On that note, that’s also why I really like how much nicer Cartman has been since S17. It’s obvious that he realized how Butters’ growth changed their dynamic, and he’s willing to play nice instead of taking their friendship for granted. And looking at episodes such as “Let Them Eat Goo”, it seems that this dynamic is actually bringing them closer, which is pretty sweet.

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- Now that I think about it, this post barely had any mention of the romantic and sexual jokes between them, which are honestly pretty numerous and present across the entire show. But that’s because I’m more focused on their characters and possible chemistry, especially how they evolved and how they could evolve in the future.

While the jokes definitely influenced/shaped my perception of this duo and can absolutely be used as a reason to ship it, what I’m ultimately looking for in a “shipping mindset” are the genuine moments and interactions.

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- Speaking of “romantic jokes” tho, I’m still not over the fact that, in the Vaccination Special, Cartman makes a drawing of the “Qties” group in front of the school + the adults that joined. And in that drawing, you can’t recognize any of the kids aside from two :

Scott Malkinson, mostly recognizable due to him being in the center with a jacket and what seems to be his tongue being visible, since the drawing has characters with their mouths open and said mouths are colored in, unlike said tongue.

Butters, seen by his short blonde and kinda-spiky hair + the fact that he’s holding a flag like he did during the fight earlier, showing that Cartman was paying attention to what Butters was doing, either during the fight or while watching the news, since he drew some of the adults accurately which shows he watched the news.

But yeah, it just kills me that Cartman fucking took the time to draw Butters accurately while not giving a single shit about the rest of the Qties. For example, Clyde and Red were part of the group. Good luck seeing them on the board.

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- At some point, thinking about the two got me thinking about Scott Malkinson, who some call “the new Butters”. Mostly, it got me thinking about the possibility of Cartman using him for schemes and eventually getting attached to him. But I doubt this would ever happen.

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This also led me to realize that, while people call Scott “the new Butters”, there are actually three main differences between them :

1. Scott is morally good. Butters is morally ambiguous.

2. Scott already knows how to talk back to bullies, it’s just that nobody cares. Butters on the other hand had to learn to stand up for himself, which apparently left a much higher impact on the other boys (just look at their reaction in “Going Native”).

3. Scott is very visibly lonely, as we especially see in “Basic Cable”. When he’s alone, he seems to suffer from it. Butters on the other hand never seemed lonely like that. Even in early seasons, when nobody liked him, whenever he was alone he could be seen playing with costumes or drawing or being on his computer etc. While I’m in no way doubting that Butters was lonely back then (and might still be), he was capable of hiding it.

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And regarding their relationships with Cartman and why I don’t think Cartman would ever care about Scott : The main reason is that Cartman isn’t obsessed with Scott. Like I said earlier, he doesn’t go out of his way to bully him like he used to do with Butters.

Then you also have the fact that Scott agrees to help Cartman because he’s the most terrified of Cartman + he’s so lonely that he’ll accept any form of acknowledgment. Butters on the other hand is in the schemes because he enjoys it.

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You could also say that, with Cartman being paranoid, he only wants one confidant. But then again I don’t know shit about paranoia and couldn’t find something on the internet so take this idea with a grain of salt.

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Oh yeah, and also I like comparing the two with Cartman in “Board Girls”, with the scene where they complain to Mackey and the scene in front of the assembly.

In both scenes, Butters speaks unprompted while Scott waits to be asked to talk. On top of that, when Butters interrupts the first time, Cartman just gets mildly annoyed. But when Scott answers Mackey’s question, Cartman gets angry and yells.

As for the scene with the assembly, seeing Butters speak and Cartman glare at him, causing Butters to cower and walk back to his spot reminds me of that one Halloween episode with Satan throwing a sweet 16 party (around S9-10). When the boys try to summon Biggie Smalls, Cartman is hesitating and Butters insults him, causing Cartman to glare at him and raise a fist.

Makes me wonder if Cartman not raising his hand in “Board Girl” was due to them being in front of an assembly, due to him knowing Butters would back away from the stare alone, or due to Cartman simply not having any intention to hurt Butters because he grew to care about him. In any case, Butters cowers due to fear and trauma.

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One last thing about comparing these kids is that it made me wonder if there’s any chance for Butters and Scott to be friends. And honestly, I don’t think so. While Butters can be very sweet, he’s also a bully, and Scott is a victim of bullying. On top of that, I could definitely see Butters feeling bad for Scott and Cartman dismissing those worries, which with time would cause Butters to stop caring.

So long story short, I think that, as long as Butters is friends with Cartman, he and Scott won’t be able to be close.

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- Episode ideas, one that could help their relationship and one that would be very satisfying :

1. Cartman throws Butters under the bus yet again, Butters is mad and doesn’t want to be his friend anymore, Cartman’s like “That’s fine ! I don’t need you anyways”, Cartman realizes that he’s been relying on Butters for so long now that it’s pretty impossible for him to scheme alone, Cartman tries to get other people to help but doesn’t have the same patience he showcases towards Butters so he can’t stand them when they don’t understand stuff or make mistakes (also they’re not as competent as Butters), Cartman eventually begrudgingly apologizes to Butters and promises to stop throwing him under the bus, Cartman actually has to hold this promise for the rest of the show and starts using other people as scapegoats without growing meaningful friendships with any of them.

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2. Cartman has a scheme idea and goes to Butters’ house to ask for his help, Butters is grounded and insists that he can’t leave, Cartman finds a way to convince the Stotches to let the kid out, the whole episode would have Stephen calling Cartman to be like “alright it’s been long enough now bring Butters back” but Cartman keeps delaying it until his scheme is complete, oh and Butters is having the time of his life being away from his parents.

Basically, I just want an episode of Cartman playing mind games with the Stotches parents, with Butters getting no bad consequence whatsoever. Because let’s be honest here, both Stotches parents have mental illnesses, which would make them weak in Cartman’s eyes and incredibly easy to dominate. And while physical violence against horrible people is cathartic, mental games is where the good stuff’s at.

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To wrap up, here’s my views on a few other Cartman and Butters ships, for those who are curious :

 Cartman

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- Stan//man : completely neutral on that one. Don’t particularly like it, don’t particularly dislike it. I tend to find their friendship pretty interesting due to how Cartman doesn’t really have anything against Stan since he isn’t part of any sort of minority (aside from possibly sexuality but it has yet to be canon).

On top of that, Stan doesn’t react in a way that Cartman finds funny. Stan also doesn’t get roped into Cartman’s schemes easily, unless it’s a group effort. So it seems that they could become closer friends. But the issue is Kyle, due to how horrible Cartman is on the poor kid that Stan is incredibly attached to.

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So yeah, I’m neutral when it comes to shipping it, meaning I don’t ship it but don’t mind seeing ship art of it. And I do find their friendship interesting in canon, though I don’t think they could grow closer unless Cartman stops being such an asshole towards Kyle, which I doubt will ever happen given the need of a status quo (sort of, the show does have character development).

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- Ky//man : possibly my least favorite ship and one that makes me deeply uncomfortable, which probably isn’t helped by the fact that Kyle’s my favorite character and I don’t want to see him suffer like this.

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Okay, positive things first, I’ll admit that I do believe that Cartman’s relationship with Kyle is the most interesting Cartman relationship, and the show absolutely wouldn’t be the same without them butting heads all the time.

Another thing I consider more positive : I can’t say I really see much of a possibility for the two of them having a healthy relationship. But tbh, we are talking about fictional characters.

Not every relationship has to be 100% healthy in media. So as long as you’re aware a relationship isn’t perfect and don’t try to romanticize or fetishize the fucked up elements in it (looking at you, proshippers), honestly you’re good to go. If you believe Cartman can be redeemed and Kyle can find it within himself to forgive him, good for you and have fun making your stories !

(Tbh I do believe that one can talk about anything in their story, including fucked up elements. But if you want to write it with a narrator finding it positive, write it from the POV of the perpetrator or a “brainwashed” victim. I do think it’s possible to have a narrator view abuse as “good”, as long as the story is meant to make the reader uncomfortable about it and/or have elements making it very obvious that the narrator has a messed up POV. Oh and obviously please put a disclaimer in the summary or notes to warn about the messed up stuff)

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Now, onto the negative (yeah, sorry, this pretty much turned into a rant) : Tbf, when I first heard of the ship, it didn’t surprise me in the slightest because this is like, shipping 101. So when I started re-watching, I was basically “I understand why this exists but it’s not my thing”. And then I reached the episode “Gin//ger Cow”…yeah, let’s just say I went from “not my thing” to “NOPE” very quickly.

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So, first things first, my issue with the ship is NOT just the fact that the relationship is inherently toxic with many instances of Cartman being the worst. I mean, I ship Cartters, it’d be hypocritical of me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My issue is the fact that, not only had the relationship not gotten better, it got worse. In early seasons, Cartman saw Kyle as a rival to take down, someone he enjoyed for his reactions. But in newer seasons, with episodes like “Gin//ger Cow” and “Human Centi//ipad”, we see that Cartman is fine with Kyle not fighting back as long as it means that Kyle is an object or a trophy that Cartman owns.

That’s my issue with this relationship. It has gotten to a point where it’s just too fucked up for me to enjoy (I mean, I didn’t enjoy it in the first place because enemies to lovers isn’t my thing, but those episodes made my views on this ship worst).

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On top of that, you have stuff like Cartman being so much of a stalker that he knows exactly what will make Kyle react in which way, leading to him being able to manipulate Kyle into anything. Like, seriously, look at episodes like “Cr//ack Ba//by Association” or “Tegrity Farms”. If Cartman wants Kyle to do something, he will get Kyle to do that thing, to the point where he even mocks Kyle like in “Le Peti//te Tour//ette” or “Oba//ma Wins”.

Then there’s also the way Cartman swoops in and plays nice with Kyle every single time Stan and Kyle fight, which makes my skin crawl because taking someone when they’re at their most vulnerable and playing nice to gain their trust is incredibly abusive and, as interesting as it is to watch, god does it makes me feel bad for Kyle.

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Another thing that doesn’t help is the way Kyle clearly hates Cartman but also sort of needs him due to his desire to be a good person, since Cartman is so obviously the bad guy that it makes Kyle the good guy everytime they fight.

Also Kyle is just so used to the abuse at this point that he kinda normalized it. Which actually makes me think that, if the two were to be separated at some point, Kyle would at first be incredibly happy but then have a phase where he misses Cartman, not only due to the change of status quo that feels weird but also because, without someone who is so obviously the bad guy, it makes it harder to argue with people who actually have a point in their reasoning. Ultimately though, Kyle is much better off with Cartman as far away from him as possible.

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All that being said, there is absolutely no denying that Cartman has some sort of unhealthy obsession with Kyle, which has gotten sexual on a few instances. Like said earlier, I don’t consider it love but it’s definitely there. Though, I don’t think Kyle could ever reciprocate, and for his own good, I hope he doesn’t.

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Another thing that I’ll agree with is a post I remember reading that had two ideas for how a relationship between them could work. First idea was Kyle being at his most vulnerable and Cartman managing to manipulate him into a relationship, tho obviously it would be toxic. And the second idea is them never seeing each other for years and, once they reunite, Cartman is a better person and Kyle is able to heal and forgive him, which would bring a healthy relationship that works.

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Though, about that second idea, looking at “Post Covid/Return of Covid”, I’m not sure how realistic it is. Thing is, like I said earlier, Cartman was only being genuine towards his wife and kids while being an asshole to everyone else. And if he and Kyle were to be in a relationship, I don’t think Kyle would be okay with that. He’ll probably want Cartman to be nice to everyone. Problem is, I don’t think Cartman is actually capable of that. : /

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And in general, as much as I love Kyle, I’ll admit I can’t help but think that he’ll be the kind to nitpick or complain about little things a lot, and I doubt Cartman has the patience to deal with someone like that, not helped by the fact that Kyle seems to be pretty fatphobic so he might try to convince Cartman to do something about his diet, enraging the guy.

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So yeah, all-in-all, it’s just not my thing.

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- Ken//man : neutral-positive on this one. I don’t ship it but I kinda like the idea. Again, I’m a huge “best friends to lovers” person so of course I wouldn’t mind this one.

Besides, it’s interesting how Kenny is one of the kids that are the least afraid of Cartman, possibly due to his immortality. Speaking of which, I’m guessing that Cartman being able to remember Kenny’s death or having some sort of connection to him must be a pretty interesting thing to develop in order to bring them closer for the ship.

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Another thing about them that kinda makes me laugh is how one-sided their friendship is, with Cartman clearly considering Kenny his best friend while Kenny doesn’t care about Cartman all that much.

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But yeah, in any case, pretty cute friendship with them being close to being equals and you do have the hope of Cartman being nicer towards Kenny as they grow up, since he clearly cares for him. It’s not enough for me to ship it but I definitely like the idea.

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- Can//dy : my second favorite Cartman ship. Fun fact, when I first heard of this ship, I had an ironic enjoyment of it because the idea of these two together amused me a lot. Then I read a fic with them being friends + thought about it a bit more and, honestly, I kind of love it. Actually, this is probably one of if not the healthiest relationship Cartman could have, at least when only taking into account the people Cartman knows and had hurt.

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I mean, thinking about how people at times compare Kyle and Wendy for being rather similar in their self-rightfulness, I’d honestly go ahead and say that Can//dy is basically Ky//man but better, due to 3 major differences between those two relationships :

1. Cartman doesn’t have an unhealthy obsession towards Wendy the same way he does for Kyle and Butters, which already sets this relationship as healthier than both of them

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2. Wendy doesn’t have as much trauma related to Cartman as Kyle and Butters do.

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3. Unlike Kyle who’s very gullible and often tries to be the bigger person while fighting Cartman, Wendy doesn’t easily fall for Cartman schemes and doesn’t mind playing dirty. Take the Smurf episode for example. Not only did Wendy not react to Cartman’s taunts for most of the episode, but in the end, she played directly into Cartman’s narrative, getting down his level in order to beat him.

This actually makes their dynamic incredibly interesting and gives their ship tons of potential. Wendy is the one person who not only doesn’t fear Cartman but also knows how to play him.

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Then there’s also other things like Wendy in early seasons falling for him that one time, or even episodes like “Pajama Day” with Wendy’s idea being complimented by Cartman for being incredibly manipulative.

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Honestly, Can//dy is a girlboss couple with a lot of potential and it’s a shame this ship isn’t that popular, because it’s honestly really good on top of being one of the few Cartman relationships in which Cartman is on almost-equal terms with someone. All Cartman needs is to learn to respect Wendy on a more personal level.

Overall, their relationship has some serious fun and interesting potential.

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Butters

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- St//utters : neutral-positive. Their friendship in the show is very cute and honestly underrated. Plus, it’s very sweet how protective Stan can be towards Butters at times, like him calling out Cartman in “Grounded Vindaloop”, his anger at the beginning of “Butterballs” (making it seems like he’s the one who wrote the anonymous letter) or him using Butters’ distress in the Pandemic Special, which in a way could be seen as him caring for the kid.

As for Butters, you have him hyping Stan up throughout the entirety of “A Scause for Applause” or him comforting Stan at the end of “Band in China”.

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Though, at the same time, it seems that they’re not that close and are willing to bicker for the people they care more about.

For example, Butters being nice to Stan for most of “The Cissy” but then bullying him when Cartman asks him for support. Then there’s also SOT, in that one scene with all the kids arguing at the beginning of the third day (when you’re tasked with recruiting the girls), with Stan speaking up to defend Kyle and Butters speaking up to defend Cartman. You also have Stan telling Butters to shut it in “The Big Fix”.

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So yeah, like for Cartman and Kenny, I don’t ship it but don’t mind the idea and can find fanart of it cute.

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- Kyu//tters (apparently that’s the name) : neutral. I was gonna say neutral-negative due to their canon interactions but I actually don’t mind the ship in the slightest, even with their canon relationship.

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Because yeah, the thing between these two is that they don’t like each other, and by that I mean Butters has continuously been a huge asshole to Kyle and had been shown to bully him on his own on the regular.

Tbh, as much as I love Kyle, I actually find this hilarious. There’s just something about seeing Butters clearly considering everyone to be an asshole but still acting nice with literally everyone else but Kyle. Like Butters really went “fuck this one guy in particular !” and I love it.

Though, I do think that the reason why Butters acts like that is due to his friendship with Cartman. Since Cartman is always the worse with Kyle, it probably made Butters believe that Kyle is an acceptable target.

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But this aside, I actually wish we could have more interactions between these two.

Thing is, they’re the two people Cartman is obsessed with. As a result, they’re also the two people who know Cartman the most, or at least they think so.

Gotta be honest, I’d love to see a situation of Kyle talking about how to take down Cartman because he knows everything about him, mentioning a preference Cartman has, only for Butters to be like “actually, Cartman likes X more”. Cue a talk revealing that Butters knows Cartman on a much more personal level due to him being Cartman’s confidant. Also, this could probably lead to Kyle having yet another existential crisis.

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Another thought about them and Cartman that could be interesting would be them talking about what they think about the guy.

An idea that came to mind was Cartman ending in juvie/prison and, after a few weeks of happiness, Kyle realizes that he sort of misses Cartman due to how used he is to have him around to oppose. And I feel like, in such a situation, Butters would be the best person Kyle could talk to, because Butters would also feel strange about Cartman not being there. Also, Butters would probably go apeshit on the regular out of boredom because of course he would, I mean c’mon !

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So yeah, I don’t really ship it or even see their canon relationship as a friendship, but despite that I don’t mind the ship and can find fanart of it being cute.

That being said, if I had to make a fic with this ship, it would absolutely be the two of them pretending to be in love in order to drive Cartman crazy. I mean, these two are his worst enemy and his closest confidant, both being kids Cartman’s obsessed with. He would not be okay with it and it could be hilarious.

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- Bun//ny : neutral-negative, though neutral-positive if it’s Bunn//yman. I don’t ship it, don’t mind it for the most part but is a bit annoyed from how popular it is, especially since this fandom is really into monoshipping (each character has one popular ship that +70% of the fandom sticks to, leading to other ships having little content).

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Simply put, my issue with this ship is that I just don’t see any chemistry between them. The only things they have in common is being Cartman’s closest friends and being huge pervs towards women, which isn’t the best approach for a gay ship, even if the characters are bi/pan.

Like some people have said it before, Kenny and Butters are the type of guys who only hang out because they’re both invited by Cartman. And when Cartman leaves the room, they just sit in awkward silence until he comes back.

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To explain a bit more my view on them not being compatible, I just feel like Butters is too extreme for Kenny. While Kenny can be a little shit at times, he’s still one of the best people in South Park and has sacrificed himself on several occasions. So I feel like Kenny wouldn’t be okay with someone like Butters, who takes things up to eleven so easily.

Tbh, I’m still surprised that Kenny in Post-Covid agreed to get money through Butters selling NFTs that ruined hundreds if not thousands of lives, especially since Kenny was working for the better of humanity. Also, I’m surprised no-one ever brings up the fact that Kenny was okay with NFTs, unless Butters/Vic never told him.

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So yeah, their personalities just feel too different on that front. That’s also why I think they both work better with Cartman, including as a trio, since Cartman can be more or less extreme depending on the situation, making him a good fit for both.

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As for their friendship in the show, they’re honestly not that close, and it’s pretty surprising that what seems to be the official SP wiki singles out Butters’ friendship with Kenny (along with Cartman’s) instead of Stan’s, whom Butters acts closer to.

On a shipping POV though, it is pretty funny to see this page call Kenny’s views on Butters “big-bro instinct” in a sense, even comparing how Kenny acts towards Butters to how he is with his little sister. But this aside, they just barely interact in the show unless Cartman is involved.

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One last thing about them, though it’s a headcanon, is the idea that Kenny feels some resentment against Butters.

Basically, it’s due to the fact that, in early seasons, it was always the main 4 together. And with Stan and Kyle being closer friends, Cartman and Kenny kind of latched onto each other as best friends.

Then Kenny died and Cartman tried to replace him. And even after Kenny came back, while Tweek went back to being a minor character, Butters stayed in the front line, mostly because Cartman wanted him to. Which even led to episodes in which Kenny isn’t with the group at all but Butters is, like “Canada On Strike”.

So basically, there’s this headcanon that, for a long time, Kenny resented Butters for taking his place not only in the group (sorta) but also as Cartman’s best friend. Though I like to imagine that, after “Going Native”, Kenny grew to accept Butters and that’s when he started having that “brotherly protectiveness” towards him.

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If you’re still here, thanks for reading such a long-ass thing ! 😅

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Victor’s Business Exhibition Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 企展之约, which has not been released in EN 🍒

[ This date was released on 16 July 2021 ]

After a meal on this weekend afternoon, I’m nestled on the sofa, watching a new episode of an anime.

MC: Hahahaha!

Watching the comical antics of the main character on-screen, I can’t help but laugh out loud.

“Whoosh--”

Hearing the rustling of papers from behind, I subconsciously shut my mouth, my line of sight flitting past the sofa and landing on Victor.

He’s sitting at the dining table, a look of concentration on his face while he reads a report. The small dining table is full of documents.

I had initially planned to watch movies with Victor at my place today. I didn’t expect him to be so bogged down with work lately, and unable to relax over the weekend.

MC: Victor, am I disturbing you? Why don’t you use the study room or my bedroom instead?

Without lifting his head, he props up the spectacles on the bridge of his nose.

Victor: Who was the one who wanted to “stick” together with me over the weekend?

MC: ...that’s true, but you’re focusing on work now.

He has no intention of continuing the conversation. Rubbing my nose guiltily, I head into the kitchen quietly. After cutting some fruits, I bring them over to the dining table.

MC: In that case, I’ll apologise to CEO Victor~

Sticking a toothpick into an apple slice, I bring it to him. He tilts his head up slightly, taking a bite from the apple in my hand.

From my peripheral vision, I spot an invitation card with the words “Elementary and Middle School Students” on it. Curious, I take a closer look.

MC: “Corporate Culture Exhibition for Elementary and Middle School Students”? Is LFG participating in the Corporate Culture Exhibition?

Victor: We received the invitation and haven’t decided if we’re participating.

MC: I see... I’ve never heard of this exhibition.

Victor: The government organised it this year. 

Victor: The officials said that it’s meant to introduce elementary and middle school students to outstanding occupations and various career paths to help them establish their aspirations.

MC: This exhibition seems pretty meaningful. It’s beneficial to LFG’s business image too.

MC: Come to think of it, I wonder if little kids have an understanding of LFG, and what kind of impression they have of LFG?

MC: Oh yes! There was a news report on elementary and middle schoolers going on company tours. Does LFG want to organise a similar activity?

Ideas come one after another in my mind. I rattle on about my opinions, but Victor doesn’t express anything.

When I start making an inventory of the company tour for students, the pen in his hand pauses, and he lifts his eyes slowly.

Victor: I can consider the exhibition, but not the company tour.

MC: Why not?

His deep eyes sweep over the anime on the television screen before landing on me.

Victor: There’s already one very noisy kid in LFG.

-

In the end, Victor accepts the invitation to the Corporate Culture Exhibition. The exhibition commences as scheduled.

Out of interest, I offer my services to Victor. I become a volunteer responsible for decorations at the venue.

Seeing the detailed and vivid posters introducing various occupations  in the exhibition hall, the LFG employees next to me are slightly awed.

LFG Employee A: It’s really nice that we have the chance to understand different occupations. When I was young, I thought there were only astronauts and scientists in the world.

LFG Employee B: Even if you only knew of those careers when you were young and decided on an aspiration, it might not become reality when you grow up. I wanted to be a dancer, but I’m doing something completely unrelated to the arts now.

LFG Employee A: That’s true. If it weren’t for the excellent pay in LFG, I’d probably be at my old home opening a second-hand bookshop and retiring early. Oh yes, MC, what did you want to do when you were young?

Getting pointed out suddenly while engrossed in their discussion causes me to be stunned momentarily.

MC: When I was young...

I blink, recalling somewhat faraway memories. Before I can ponder deeply, my phone rings - it’s a call from Victor.

Victor: Come to the café near the entrance of the exhibition hall.

MC: Now? What for?

Victor: ...what else can you do in a café? Play golf, amend proposals, go horse riding, drink coffee - which one do you think is the most suitable?

MC: ...to be honest, I can’t decide between the two options of “amend proposals” and “drink coffee”.

Victor: I ordered a custard cake. If you don’t come over, I’ll take it that you’re not interested.

MC: I’ll be there immediately!

After notifying those LFG employees, I turn around and head towards the café.

MC: Is this really okay? The others are still busy.

Victor: When did you have such a high sense of awareness? Who was the person who painstakingly learnt “Slacking Hacks” on the internet a few days ago?

MC: I was reading that for fun... I wasn’t planning to put it into practice.

Lifting my phone as I squeeze into the packed café, I notice that most of the people here are parents who are preparing to accompany their kids to the exhibition.

Victor: There’s still an hour till the exhibition begins. I’ve already told Goldman to inform everyone to take a break. In short, there’s no need to feel guilty, because...

Taking two steps into the café, I spot Victor at a glance as he sits at a table near the window calmly.

Seeing that I’m walking towards him, he puts down his phone gently, lifting his head to meet my eyes.

Victor: Aside from you, there’s another person who’s “slacking”.

Taken aback for a moment, I quickly react to the meaning in his words. My brows arch upwards as I take a seat.

MC: I didn’t expect to ever “slack” together with CEO Victor.

Elated, I pick up a fork and try a bite of the dessert in front of me. The custard melts in my mouth instantly, and it’s sweet and smooth.

MC: Delicious! As expected of CEO Victor’s pick~

Victor: Even delicious food can’t stop you from being talkative.

Right after saying this, he seems to stare at me fixedly, his expression slightly strange.

Just as I’m about to ask why he’s looking at me that way, he lifts up his coffee, his lowered eyelashes covering the smile in his eyes.

...am I overthinking things? Why do I feel as if he’s making a joke out of me?

Feeling puzzled, I notice a pen and a post-it booklet at the edge of the table.

MC: This is...?

A staff who is passing by takes a step forward, smiling as he explains.

Staff: This is a small event by our shop. You can write your hopes or suggestions for the children, then hang it on the “Hope Tree” near the door of the shop.

Struck with an idea, I pick up the pen and a post-it note.

MC: Victor, shall we write a few suggestions for the children too?

I tear a post-it note and give it to him. After staring at me in silence for a while, he suddenly reaches out his hand.

Victor: Give me one more.

MC: ?

MC: Does CEO Victor want to write a mini essay?

Ignoring my joke, he writes a sentence on each of the two post-it notes. He hands one to the staff, and stuffs the other one to me.

Bewildered, I sweep a glance at the post-it note given to the staff. The words “You only have one life” are written on it.

Lowering my head, I stare at the post-it note in my own hand. In an instant, I realise why he displayed such a strange smile earlier. There’s a short sentence written on the post-it note:

“Dummy, there’s custard on your cheek.”

??: Hello, could I trouble the two of you to help me with something?

My face reddens. After wiping the custard off my cheek with a tissue, I hear an unfamiliar female voice next to me.

Turning towards the sound, I see a lady standing beside me with two small boys.

Woman: I need to use the washroom, but bringing two boys with me isn’t really convenient. Could I trouble the both of you to take care of them for a while?

I ask for Victor’s opinion with my gaze, and he responds with a slight nod. Understanding this, I nod at the mother.

MC: Of course we can.

While thanking us, she gets the two children to sit at both ends of the table before hurrying off.

The table now comprises of the four of us - two adults and two children. The air gets filled with an inexplicable, thick awkwardness.

Victor looks at me. I look at the kids. The kids look at Victor... Clearing my throat, I decide to break this strange atmosphere.

MC: Kids, how old are the both of you?

Kid A: Mommy said that we can’t give personal information to strangers!

MC: ...

I didn’t expect to be given the cold shoulder the moment I opened my mouth. I release an embarrassed laugh.

MC: Personal information... You can use such advanced terms. You’re so smart haha.

A soft and low chuckle drifts to my ears. I glance at Victor as he picks up his coffee with a blank expression, staying uninvolved in the matter.

The other boy suddenly widens his eyes and leans towards me, pointing at my volunteer name tag and reading it aloud.

Kid B: L! F! G! Do you two work in LFG?

MC: Well...

I ponder over this. LFG is the investor of my company, and Victor is the CEO of LFG. So...

MC: I guess so.

Kid B: In that case, what are the two of you doing here? Did you sneak away?

MC: ...

Although these are unintentional words from a child, I avert my eyes guiltily. At this point, the kid who behaves like an adult speaks loudly.

Kid A: That’s impossible! Mommy said that everyone who works at LFG are really incredible people! They won’t sneak away!

Victor: Cough...

Victor pauses his sampling of the coffee. As though he choked on something, he clears his throat.

Kid B: Really?

The kid blinks his eyes as he waits for our response.

Victor’s expression is a little unnatural. He picks up a newspaper from a rack near the window, immersing himself in it.

Seeing him like this, he probably recalled the earlier conversation we had on “slacking” as well.

It’s rare to see Victor being choked up by someone. A little demon with horns suddenly appears in my heart.

I can’t help but laugh inwardly while turning to the kids.

MC: You’re correct. The employees from LFG never sneak away. We were talking about work-

MC: Right, Vic?

[Note] In CN, MC calls Victor “小李” (“xiao li”, which translates directly to Little Li).

Saying this, I wink at the person opposite me.

Victor arches his brows, astonishment in his eyes. Without waiting for him to speak, I immediately do a “stop” gesture with my hands.

MC: The previous proposal for the show is too conservative. There aren’t any highlights, and it isn’t clear who the target audience is. It might be a waste to show it during prime time.

Adjusting my posture, I clasp my fingers on the table, mimicking VIctor’s tone and expression.

MC: When will you be submitting the new proposal? Tomorrow is the deadline.

Kid A and B: Wow...

Awed gasps from the kids drift to my ears. I straighten up with pride, tilting my chin towards Victor.

He stares at me with a calm gaze, his eyes gradually illuminated with an unreadable, dense light.

He lowers the newspaper slightly, blowing the coffee in his hand gently and unhurriedly.

Victor: Are you sure these are the only problems, Miss CEO? 

Victor: I've also “reflected” much on that proposal, and there are some problems I haven’t had the chance to tell you about. 

Victor: Since you brought it up, I have no choice but to do a “self-reflection” here.

Victor’s tone is composed, and there isn’t a ripple in his expression. As compared to my pretentious posture, he’s laid-back and natural.

Victor: The theme of the show is too general and lacks a segment which stirs the audience. 

Victor: The structure also has the shadow of previous shows. A change in form but not substance - it’s a little unoriginal. 

Victor: A scandal broke out yesterday involving one of the guests for the show. A replacement guest has not been decided upon.

Victor: Also...

MC: Stop! I... I get it!

He leans against the back of the chair, a teasing glint in the depths of his eyes.

Victor: When will you be submitting the new proposal? Tomorrow is the deadline.

MC Tonight, tonight! I’ll definitely submit it tonight!

I reply instantly, my voice carrying with it some alarm. The corners of his lips hook upwards, and he retracts his “overbearing” aura.

Victor: I’ll wait and see.

I heave a sigh of relief, then feel a dryness in my mouth. Lowering my head to take a sip of coffee, I see the disappointed gazes of the two kids.

My cheeks flush. Just as I’m about to say something to salvage some pride, their mother returns, thanking us while taking them away.

I glare at Victor indignantly. He chuckles softly, then clasps his fingers together on the table just like I did earlier.

Victor: I look forward to your next “challenge”.

-

After the exhibition ends, Victor and I leave work early.

The weather is really nice today. We pick a restaurant nearby, planning to head there on foot.

Dusk hangs low, and a misty pink evening mist smudges the sky.

Perhaps due to how smoothly the exhibition went, little emotions surface in my heart. 

Beneath this beautiful sky, how many young aspirations and lives took flight earlier?

Victor: Why are you just standing there in a silly daze? Aren’t you hungry?

Retracting my thoughts, I see that Victor has stopped in front of me, his body turned to the side as he looks at me.

I hurriedly catch up to him, pulling on his arm.

MC: Victor, why did you write “You only have one life” on the post-it note today?

Victor: It’s true that you only have one life. Even an elementary student knows this principle.

MC: ...that’s not what I meant. I’m asking about what’s implied in it. For instance, are you asking the kids to seize the day and work their hardest?

His gaze lands on me. Seeing how serious I look, he slows down his pace slightly.

Victor: If you were to meet your childhood self, would you tell her to work her hardest?

MC: Mm... it’s difficult to say. I might tell her what to do in order for the current me to be even happier?

Victor: And that the reason why you can’t use an overly objective and rational principle to teach others. 

Victor: It’s a desirable trait to work their hardest so that there won't be any excuses to stop in their footsteps. 

Victor: But this doesn’t mean that everyone must have the goal of working their hardest.

Victor: After all, every person expects different things from themselves. 

Victor: Not everyone wants to stand at the peak. 

Victor: As compared to looking down from a mountaintop, there are some people who wish to happily and simply appreciate the scenery along the way. 

Victor: This might sound simple, but being an ordinary person isn’t easy.

Victor: “You only have one life” - this phrase has many meanings in different contexts.

I’m stunned for a moment. I initially thought that Victor’s words were meant to be a motivational quote, and didn’t expect for him to have such thoughts.

Even when he’s faced with young children, he doesn’t wish to give a fixed answer on the basis that he’s a mature adult.

My lips curl upwards, and I can’t help but stick a little closer to him.

MC: You’re right. After all, aside from people who stand at the peak, there are even more ordinary people.

MC: Ordinary people have one life too. They need to cherish it properly, and do what they want to do.

MC: CEO Victor, I’ve learnt something from you!

Clasping my hands together, I bow in mock seriousness. An almost indiscernible smile lifts the corners of his lips.

MC: Come to think of it, I had so many aspirations when I was young. Lawyer, teacher, police officer, judge... I didn’t expect to become a producer in the end. Perhaps in a parallel universe, there’s a me who became a lawyer, teacher or judge!

The scene from the café flashes across my mind, and I burst into laughter.

MC: I might even be a CEO! What do you think?

After I say this, Victor turns his head and gives me an amused glance.

Victor: I think you do behave like a CEO.

MC: It’s because I’ve been influenced after spending such a long time by your side~ Returning to the topic - what was your aspiration when you were young? To become a powerful business tycoon?

Victor: ...have you ever heard of a child having such a pragmatic dream?

MC: In that case, tell me about it?

He doesn’t respond, and simply keeps his eyes faced front. No matter how much I probe, he doesn’t speak.

The sweet fragrance of desserts wafts into my nose. Following the scent and turning to the bakery near the roadside, I’m struck with an idea.

Since I can’t crack this difficult question in a straightforward manner, I decide to adopt the process of elimination.

MC: A baker?

Victor: ...

A signboard with the words “Watchmaker Shop” enters my vision, and I immediately look at him.

MC: A watchmaker?

MC: The boss of a lottery shop?

MC: ...director of a zoo?

Throughout the journey, I rack my brain and ask him about all sorts of occupations. However, it’s clear that none of them are correct.

Finally, we stop in front of a crosswalk, waiting for the red light.

Looks like I won’t be able to get any answers from him today. Disappointed, I let go of Victor’s arm, releasing a soft “hmph”.

MC: Aren’t you curious if there was a choice and you weren’t the CEO of LFG, and if I weren’t a producer...

MC: What would our identities be? Would we meet? And what kind of a relationship would we have?

The red man at the other end of the road suddenly turns green, signalling for us to move forward.

My hand, which had drooped to the side, is lifted up gently by someone. His broad palm conveys a comforting temperature.

Victor: There’s nothing to be curious about.

The crowd flows past in an endless stream on the crosswalk. Their footsteps are hurried, and the tips of their feet point in different directions.

I look at the person beside me. His gaze is resolute as he holds my hand, taking large strides towards the restless crowd.

He seems to sense my gaze. Lowering his head slightly, the light in his eyes is deep and scorching.

Victor: The life that I want to choose most is already in my hand.

-

[ MOMENTS ]

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: Could we cancel tonight’s reservation at the restaurant? I really want to go straight home to sleep...

Victor: Eating is a necessity. The location will be changed to your home.

-

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: As long as I’m hardworking enough, nothing’s impossible!

Victor: Working hard to make yourself even more stupid?

-

Victor's Post: Turns out someone could still go to work normally after staying up to watch anime last night.

MC: I solemnly vow not to do such things again.

Victor: This vow better count before you start on the next anime.

🍰 Call: here

[maybe-homestuck-now-or-something]

I really wanna talk about homestuck in relation to this post but like, idk if I wanna add to it because it might be a total derailment of the topic but homestuck is such a weird apocalypse narrative.

like... the way it handles it is so odd because earth itself is not very well characterized before the characters leave it. the characters themselves are massively well characterized, and that takes up the bulk of the narrative, but like... we never even hear them talk about school? or much of anything more than their shared interests and what's immediately happening to them. and in a way, that is kind of authentic. because when kids get together to hang out, the last thing they ever wanna talk about is dry, boring stuff about their mundane lives. they'll mostly just yell memes at each other, talk about anime, play video games... it's possible to simultaneously know nothing about your friends, but feel closer to them than ever, because you're mostly around for the parts of their life that they want to experience when they're having the most fun. you see them as they are when they have the most agency to choose that. and that might be totally divorced from the reality of how their day-to-day life unfolds.

in this way, homestuck presents these characters as people who have shed that mundane portion of their lives. they are now left with only the part that they typically share with their friends. and in reality, if a SBURB type apocalypse were to literally happen to you, it'd be traumatic as hell. but this is the place where homestuck chooses to ask you to suspend your disbelief. let's just believe that John didn't have any other friends or family to think about when the world ended. let's pretend they left zero people of any interest whatsoever behind. all they are shaking off is the society that they were obligated to participate in so mundanely. they no longer have to make any compromises with anyone... they get to fully center themselves.

okay, so that's obviously not entirely true... playing SBURB is a cooperative experience, and being friends with someone doesn't always mean that your relationship is easy. but homestuck allows the narrative to become self centered. it's about one individual and the tiny sphere of influence they have, among solely the people they've developed meaningful bonds with. it allows them to become a case study.

so when the world ends, the world is not necessarily what matters. what matters is the identities of a few specific individuals who we spend a lot of time cultivating our own connections with as a reader.

and that all becomes incredibly interesting when you consider classes and aspects.

basically, in terms of the post linked above, classes and aspects are the harry potter houses, the factions, the "what bender are you" or MBTI type... they're not the only way you could categorize the characters, but they're the most universally applicable to all of the characters that are important in the narrative. and what's interesting is just like... what classes are for, and how complicated it actually is to know what aspects are, or what they mean.

starting with classes, these are basically a series of archetypes that are specialized so that everyone has a role to play that makes them uniquely valuable to a collective. if we're considering this in terms of DnD, you can think of what classes might make for a balanced party, and how having a balanced party makes it satisfying to play the game. no one player could handle everything on their own, and at the same time, everyone feels needed. nobody is useless.

this already seems fundamentally different from some of the means of categorization that I listed above. a lot of these systems are meant to divvy up the characters into societally recognized in-groups and out-groups... people who can be identified as allies or enemies. even if the groups are ascribed certain archetypal skills, the goal is rarely so explicitly for the archetypes to work together, or cover each other's weaknesses. Avatar is probably what comes the closest to this idea, with its underlying endeavor to find harmony between the elements, but homestuck uses classes both as a way to communicate unique specialization, and as a way to unify the characters by their need for support.

and that's a little weird isn't it? these characters just shed all of their obligations to a broader society, and we're taking that as a freeing event... right? but there is a difference between society and community, and while homestuck might use the destruction of society as a catalyst for adventure, it uses the formation of community as the driving force behind the story's progression. the characters are all motivated to work together and help each other... and that doesn't always mean that it works. even within a community, one person's drive to center themselves and their own personal growth can trample others who were trying to do the same thing. perhaps not everyone in the community consents to being cooperative. perhaps the difference in archetype could drive someone to become competitive instead. and these are all value-neutral observations... no archetype is specifically acknowledged as being evil, even when they have friction with one another.

basically... this is character writing. and I find it funny that these broad categories that kids like to identify themselves with are seen as ways of flattening characterization into broad strokes like "the brave one" or "the sneaky one" or what have you, because in the case of classes, the characterization becomes deeper. and I think that's because the categories are used well... the characters all have specific relationships with the stereotypes they're ascribed by others, and the archetypes they're told they must fulfill. the classes don't define them, but they do give them something to contend with. can they fulfill their role? can they live up to their purpose? is there a place in the story for someone with an archetype like theirs? do they want to be this?

aspects get even trickier, and for this I might just link to a video I really love that covers a lot of the thoughts I've been having. it's kind of front loaded with a lot of technical talk about computer science and philosophy, and tbh I love that homestuck does actually link up those concepts with so much of it's presentation, but the main bit that intrigues me is the way the video talks about aspects as irreducible components of thought. like the periodic table of elements, but for ideas.

this drastically elevates the importance of each character's assigned category, and makes it function so much better as a tool for characterization. because, like, the aspects are actually really abstract. when someone says their aspect is "wind" or "light" you could take that 100% literally if you wanted to... but by the time you've read enough of homestuck to connect those to John and Rose, you probably understand that it's not that simple. and other concepts, such as astrology, have taught you that this is the sort of system that you're supposed to interpret, right? what is a capricorn if not a loose collection of traits that give you a certain vibe? that's what we're working with when it comes to aspects. otherwise, how would you know what void, or doom, or mind are? tbh it's actually pretty genius that astrology was worked into the comic as an aesthetic element, just so we'd all be mentally primed to do this kind of categorical interpretation... hell, even the actual signs themselves constitute a framework with which you could analyze the characters, like, how does Nepeta display typical leo traits, or how is Vriska a stereotypical scorpio... it all still works, even as you understand that each individual is more complex than the traits which support that interpretation.

in this way, the aspects are never really explained exhaustively verbatim, and are almost solely defined by the traits you've observed from individual characters, who act as representatives for what these categories actually are. or at least how they function in this instance, which is what's relevant. it's not just superpowers, and it's not just archetypes... it's both at the same time, and you come at them from a character-first perspective when you're trying to figure out what they mean. the characters inform your knowledge of the categories, and the categories act as a framework for analyzing the characters. and I love how homestuck tricks you into assuming that it has a lot of little rigid categories for the characters to slot into, and how quickly it becomes apparent that everything is way more abstract than it first appears. and yet, it all still means something. and it's really interesting to, say, compare two different time players to try to piece together what is typical for that archetype, while also accounting for their class, and trying to understand how that changes the roles they play and the ways they behave. and then you have the trolls' caste system on top of that, and the astrology angle I mentioned earlier, and there are honestly so many overlapping ways to think about it all, and I think that's the point.

[kantrips]

Alistair & Celia Headcanon Collection

Some Amell x Alistair (largely fluff) headcanons! Includes some from Origins, Warden time at Amaranthine and the Inquisition-era. Some of these I have had since my first playthrough, but others I may have read elsewhere, loved and thusly absorbed so please let me know if I can link anyone!

Origins

The first time they meet at Ostagar, Celia thinks Alistair is the most fascinating person she has ever encountered because no one in the Circle had a particularly boisterous sense of humour. Alistair is oblivious to her heart eyes, and also holds back because he’s worried she won’t survive the Joining.

Even after the Joining, Alistair tries very hard not to ~feel feelings~ despite the clear signals Celia is hurling at him because he assumes she won’t like him once she gets to know him more/she will get bored of him/ she will leave like everyone else i.e. the boy is hecking damaged.

Celia laughs obnoxiously hard at all Alistair’s jokes because a) she finds them unexpected, and b) because, like a dork, she wants to prove she gets the punch line. Alistair is perplexed by her reactions at first, and cautiously wonders if she is mocking him. Once he realises she is genuinely amused, it bolsters his ego significantly. 

Celia has no concept of personal space and sits and walks very close to everyone. There wasn’t a lot of room at the Circle so she forgets she can spread out. Morrigan makes it clear she needs to back off (Celia doesn’t need telling twice) but Alistair is more relaxed and gets used to it quickly after the confusion of the first night when she blithely sets up her bedroll right next to his. Alistair assumes she is a bit scared of sleeping in the forest but really she is just accustomed to the need to cram as many apprentice bunks into a room as possible.

In a way, Alistair is also used to sharing small spaces (Chantry and Wardens) so it doesn’t bother him at all when Celia chooses to sit pressed against his side, walks so their arms bump together, or unconsciously brushes an eyelash from his cheek. He quickly grows to like her overfamiliarity (for some reason…).

Similarly, Alistair eats Celia’s leftover food if she can’t finish it or doesn’t like it, even before they’re a couple. She just offers one day and after that it becomes a given. The others side-eye them but they are happily oblivious.   

Celia gets in trouble from the rest of the party for getting distracted yelling encouragement and cheering Alistair during combat. In turn, Alistair gets in trouble for turning around mid-battle to thank her when she buffs or heals him. Morrigan advises that if they are both so determined to get killed, she is more than happy to assist with hastening the process.

Celia’s mabari, Trevor, is quickly accepting of Alistair and his proximity to Celia because he observes Alistair protecting Celia in battle and thusly deems him to be a ‘good dog’ and considers that they are equals in the pack.

Alistair and Celia vandalise each other’s wanted posters whenever they come across them. It gets competitive.

Celia doesn’t really want to be in charge of saving the world but has three things working in her favour: 1) she absolutely hates letting people down 2) has an intense need to finish what she starts 3) she is in possession of a bossy streak.

That said she spends the entire Blight screaming internally to an extent not even Alistair fully grasps.

They go to the Circle Tower first, because Celia thinks she will have the best chance of getting help from people she knows and is also ‘homesick’ in the sense that she is very glad to be free of the place, but stressed enough with everything going on to crave something familiar even if she resents it. The events there devastate her. Along with the loss of friends and mentors she has known since childhood, being trapped by herself in the fade particularly terrifies her as she has never truly been alone for so long before in her life. It reminds her of the Harowing which totally blindsided her. She is very teary, untalkative and introspective for some time afterwards, but both Trevor and Alistair have the correct instinct to stay close without trying to interact with her which she finds incredibly comforting.

Accustomed to making potions, Celia will not under any circumstances deviate from a recipe while cooking, whereas Alistair just chucks everything in to use up leftovers and see what happens. Alistair gets meals together super quickly whereas Celia takes forever. A little unfairly, Celia is perceived as the better cook because she produces very consistent meals, while Alistair’s experiments sometimes do work, and sometimes don’t, with people tending to focus on the disasters rather than the successes. Meanwhile Celia is rather: “should I add half a sprig of rosemary? No I mustn’t: it would be far too daring!” so everyone learns to tip their own seasonings into their bowl before even tasting her food.

When they’re travelling and walking for days on end, Alistair and Celia make up a lot of games in the vein of ‘I spy’ and ‘would you rather?’ They can occasionally persuade others to participate though no one enjoys them or gets quite as invested as Celia and Alistair (who are actual children).

A game stops abruptly one day when Celia guilelessly asks if Alistair would rather be Emperor of Orlais or King of Fereldan and he gets extremely defensive and answers, “Neither.” Having no context for this reaction (yet), Celia (a stickler for the rules) pushes him, insisting his answer isn’t allowed and that he’s cheating until Alistair gets grouchy, stomps off and refuses to play anything for days. 

Celia figures he must be overtired, but his unhappy reaction does come back to her later at the Landsmeet and contributes to her already firm resolve not to put him on the throne.

When bored, Alistair also periodically asks Celia to, “Do a trick!” with her magic and she usually obliges with something small and silly which Wynne always scolds them for (but they continue to do anyway).

Celia does not like Eamon one bit and makes it clear from their first meeting. Alistair actually gets a bit annoyed at her because she is polite to 99% of the other people they meet and he can’t understand what her problem is. Celia won’t say because she doesn’t want to drive Alistair away so she remains coldly civil towards Eamon and commences a long, looong process of nudging Alistair towards having the realisation himself that a) Eamon is manipulative, selfish and cruel and b) Alistair deserves better.

Celia wants to collect some of the books they find which is not practical given they are constantly travelling, but Alistair carries as many as he can in his pack and suffers in silence for it, ultimately finding it worth it for her enthusiastic gratitude.

Celia cuts Alistair’s hair and does a very respectable job after weeks of him complaining it’s flopping in his eyes (they used to cut each other’s hair in the Circle). Zevran pretends she did an awful job, gasping in horror at Alistair’s appearance, much to Celia’s ire. Alistair (internally weeping) tries to be brave until he can check his reflection in some plate mail and see it is fine.

Celia is very naïve about how the ‘real world’ works having been at the Circle since she was a child. This is especially evident in Denerim and Alistair has to explain how money works and grab her before she wanders down dicey looking alleyways.

Alistair nearly dissolves into a paroxysm of agony when he points out his favourite type of cheese at the Denerim Markets and (accustomed to the very limited range of bland foods provided at the Circle) Celia innocently asks, “There is more than one type of cheese?” Alistair makes it his mission to educate her. She doesn’t like most of what he feeds her but doesn’t say so to protect his feelings given he seems to take the matter so incredibly personally.

Leliana convinces Celia to sing one evening at the campfire. She’s breathy with a very limited range but manages okay, and Leliana plays and harmonises in support. Watching on with a goofy smile plastered over his face, Alistair comments to the surrounding companions about how talented she is and they’re like “…she’s really not mate.”

When they both wake up from a blightmare (or Celia has one and wakes Alistair with her flailing) they sneak about and eat anything they can find then sit up and have massive deep & meaningfuls (i.e. in the spirit of going for a long drive with a friend or being in the garden with someone outside a party and spilling your guts). Eventually they start blaming the depleted food stores on Leliana’s nug, Schmooples, much to Leliana’s displeasure.

Given Celia usually responds so well to his jokes, Alistair gets a bit peeved when Celia starts replying to some of his more severely self-deprecating humour with an unamused, “No you’re not,” or, “That’s not true.” He defensively argues it’s just a joke, but he does stop doing it so much as time goes on.

Celia is SO excited when Alistair gives her the rose. She never in her life thought she would be the recipient of a proper ~romantic gesture~…however she accidentally sits on the rose about five minutes after she gets it. Celia is devastated. There is a lot of panic and tears and she keeps one petal pressed in a book but has to unceremoniously ditch the rest in secret.

Celia doesn’t tell Alistair about this until years later and she’s terrified he’ll be hurt but he just laughs because he was so worried he was going to be the one to squash it and then she destroyed it basically the minute she got it. Alistair acknowledges it was an impractical gift given their situation. Celia gets mad and says it was a PERFECT gift and is annoyed at how funny he finds it given this has been a crushing, guilty secret hanging over her for years.

Following this, every time Alistair gives her any kind of gift, he can’t help but throw in a ‘Don’t sit on it!” and cracks himself up, especially when Celia gets grumpy about it and accuses him of spoiling the moment. It happens so often that when Alistair chooses a horse for her and plans to teach her to ride, Celia manages to cut him off with, “Yes, I know Alistair: I can sit on this one,” and steals his thunder.

Alistair periodically says Celia’s name just to check if she’ll answer, especially after a long period of quiet or to see if she’s awake à la screaming in the chantry because it’s so silent. When she responds he says, “Nothing” or “Never mind” but he finds it vaguely comforting just to hear her reply and it’s a habit he never loses, even when they have been together for years and he is much less isolated generally. Alistair doesn’t realise he’s doing it, and it never happens frequently enough for Celia to notice: she just assumes he has lost his train of thought.

They sometimes conspire to purposely fall to the back of the group while on the road so that they can hold hands. Everyone knows full well what they are doing, but Alistair and Celia think they are being incredibly ~sneaky~.

The first time they sleep together they laugh. A lot. Before, during and after.

Alistair snores loudly but only when he’s on his back. Celia is used to the noise of people sleeping around her at the Circle so it doesn’t bother her and she doesn’t want to disturb him because she knows he needs the rest.

When they are known to be sharing a tent however, their companions will slap on the walls of it and demand she kick him until he stops snoring. Celia will relent and gently prod and nudge Alistair until he rolls over with a bit of sleepy grumbling.

I think everyone has this headcanon to the point it is basically actual canon HOWEVER I am legally obligated to include it: Alistair is a professional body heat distributor and Celia drastically cuts down on the number of blankets she uses once they are sleeping together. If she stands in front of him on cold days, he understands the non-verbal signal and will automatically wrap her in his cloak.

Also might as well be canon: Alistair likes to be the little spoon. He doesn’t say, but Celia knows.

Decidedly not a fluff one (you can skip to Amaranthine to avoid) but the ritual with Morrigan fairly significantly messes Alistair up (both the act itself and his consideration of the repercussions i.e. Kieran). He’s jubilant and relieved at their victory over the Archdemon, but in the background struggles to process and there is some fallout once the victory celebrations lull and he has time to fully register what happened. Alistair grapples with a lot of guilt, disgust and confusion. He doesn’t know how to express it or where to direct his emotions so it mainly manifests as self-loathing. He wants to talk to Celia about it but can’t articulate his feelings which makes him feel worse.

Celia tries to comfort him, but he needs space on and off for a long while after and she gives him it. She feels a lot of guilt too, and never stops wondering how much it was actually his choice to do the ritual, worrying that she made him feel like he had to do it. Eventually they discuss it openly and honestly, which eases both of their minds somewhat, but it takes a long time to get to a point where they can talk on the subject. Meeting Kieran at Skyhold also helps Alistair down the line, though it’s obviously painful.

Amaranthine & Inquisition

Alistair keeps an eye out for people struggling, especially new recruits who are having trouble fitting in. He takes them under his wing and is very good at building people up and making sure everyone is included. He’ll just start enthusiastically greeting people like they are his best friend and squeezing himself onto the bench next to them at meals until everyone else follows suit.

For recruits that don’t respond well to his ‘mother hen’ type attention, Celia is good at assigning tasks that specifically highlight their strengths and builds their confidence/sense of purpose which also gains them the respect of their peers.

Alistair has been known to stand behind Celia while she is giving mundane orders/making speeches and pull faces or impersonate her, turning stony and impassive when she spins around accusingly because people are laughing.  

But if anyone else talks smack about her he gets very, “Sorry mate, just to clarify was that comment directed at my wife, your Commander, the hERO OF FERELDAN, VANQUISHER OF AN ARCHDEMON!? That’s lucky, I didn’t THINK IT LIKELY. Because that wouldn’t be WISE, would it now?” etc. with some loud, fake laughter and firm backslapping for the worst offenders.

The plan for them to part ways so that Celia can search for a cure goes very badly, especially because Celia (under a lot of stress and not coping™) eventually devolves into, “I’m in charge and I say so,” which is a big betrayal of their agreements both to stay together, and make decisions together on equal footing. She realises this and takes it back but Alistair is demoralised and gives in with a bit of petty, sarcastic reverence e.g. saluting and, “Whatever you say boss, don’t know why I dared to utter an opinion how foolish of me...” so they still part on slightly strained terms, even after later mutually apologising and trying to make the most of their time together before they go.

Both regret the argument during their separation and write horribly soppy letters to each other, but something still feels uncomfortably unresolved until they are together again. They pine. So much. It’s disgusting and cliched. There is considerable sighing and staring at the moon or deep into tankards, very much to the ire of those around them. Alistair can be particularly annoying: “This roll reminds me of my wife...she eats bread sometimes...”

After Celia sends the letter to the Inquisitor, she writes to Leliana directly along the lines of, “I know it was incredibly subtle but I wanted to check: did they get the message? That I will destroy them if Alistair gets hurt?” and Leliana replies in the vein of, “Hon, it wasn’t even remotely subtle ffs…”

When reunited, though ecstatic and nearly delirious with joy and relief, it takes a while to rebuild the trust they once had, especially for Alistair. There’s an unfamiliar awkwardness that flares up unexpectedly, but it doesn’t last and they’re both fully committed to each other and to staying together permanently this time.

Celia and Alistair have a conversation recapping everything that happened while they were apart in which Celia is all, “Poor Hawke. Honestly I’m shocked you didn’t do something obscenely idiotic like try and sacrifice yourself thank the Maker for that…” and Alistair is there, nervously sweating, looking for an exit, loosening his collar etc.

As they settle back into their old routines Alistair will occasionally blurt out things like, “I really like having breakfast with you,” and then berate himself internally for how trite that sounds but Celia replies on cue, “I love waking up next to you and the way you groan when you stretch your back out and the way you check your hair twice before you leave the room and the way you complain if I don’t eat my crusts and the way you still hold my hand when we’re walking...” and basically they’re just blissfully happy being comfortably domestic and even as they get older they are forever just teenagers in love.

The Wardens at Amaranthine acquire/receive a griffon egg and the hatchling imprints on Alistair and decides he is their mother. It can’t cope with separation, crying constantly if Alistair goes out of sight, and won’t let anyone else feed or handle it so Alistair carries them in a sling 24/7. He gets to give orders and run training sessions with the tiny griffon occasionally poking its head out just to glare at everyone.

Whenever the baby griffon squeaks, Alistair automatically replies, “Well said,” or “Excellent point, Ser Beaksly” with a totally straight face.

For the first few months, Celia gets nipped or scratched if she approaches Alistair unless he wraps the griffon up. It so badly wants to fight her. Celia is permitted to sleep in her own bed, as long as the griffon sleeps curled on Alistair’s chest and Celia doesn't try anything outrageous like touching her husband even fleetingly. It gets a little frustrating as the months drag on, but the image of Alistair with the sling over his armour, or with the griffon snuggling possessively around his neck staring daggers at everyone, is so entertaining that Celia can’t get truly annoyed about it. As the griffon gets older it does learn to tolerate other people and becomes more independent but remains very protective of Alistair and favours him above all others. Insert the ‘Ah yes. Me. My husband. And his thousand pound murder-bird-cat child’ meme here.

Modern AU Bonus Round

They share headphones while commuting.

They occasionally end up wearing sort of matching outfits, mostly unintentionally.

They consistently refer to their dog, Trevor, as their son to the point that people who aren’t familiar with them assume that they actually have a child.

[cotton-candy-in-a-thong]

Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue”.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what’s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

[iron--spider]

Okay, so. Cherry. I loved Cherry. 

Behind the cut is a review of sorts, with some spoilers and some loving and some bitching! It’s very, very long.

The reviews and responses have been rolling in for months now, and there have been a few notorious critiques that had me worried. As most people who follow this blog know, I’m not the biggest fan of the Russos, for reasons that are obvious lmfao. I was hoping this would be a different situation, especially since I’ve gotten to watch a LOT of interviews where they’ve discussed why they made certain choices in the film, why it’s so personal to them, etc. But the early reactions really got me nervous and I was worried they’d botched this one. I got an early screening on February 12th through American Cinematheque, and I went in looking forward to Tom and anxious about everything else.

 I loved it. I loved every single choice that was made, on every single level. I’d like to preface this by saying I absolutely hated the book. Sure, it had moments, shining lines here and there, but overall I felt nothing for the main character and the stream of consciousness and the way the events were presented. The absolute lack of an ending. When I read the book I already knew Tom was gonna be in the movie, so I was building what I wanted the film to look like in my head.

 The narration. I knew we would need that to keep the story grounded, to give it a center, and they included that and it worked so beautifully. Breaking the fourth wall. The entire book you feel like this guy is talking to you, and if there was anything to carry over, it was that connection with the audience, but they enhanced it by paring it down and using his eye contact and words to us sparingly. A solid, almost unreliable POV from the main character, which they included in spades with all their different stylistic choices, from the different lenses to the names of the banks and the authority figures to the lack of information about particular things to the quick cuts in certain places and lingering shots in others. The stylistic choices were one of the main things, if not THE main thing, everybody has been complaining about, and I was truly sitting here expecting something outrageous. But it all flowed beautifully, it all felt extremely purposeful, and none of it took me out of the moment. In fact, all of it immersed me even deeper in the movie and the story, and made the lead even more real. We were seeing it all through his eyes, through his feelings, through his changing circumstances. It was an EXPERIENCE to me, a journey that needed these particular choices. I feel like the whole thing would have been more of an uphill battle had they not done the six chapters, so that’s another choice I felt like added to the film in a positive way and made it better. It also highlighted the changes that the main character was going through in such an excellent fashion, and added to the whole ‘odyssey’ feel.

 Before I get into speaking about Tom, I will speak critically for a second. I’ve seen this thing four times now, three viewings before the review embargo was up and one after. I tried to watch it from a different headspace and see what they were talking about. My opinion never really changed drastically, but I can acknowledge some things. I loved the ‘breaking the fourth wall’, but I do think there could have been more of it. It enhanced the movie a lot for me and there were a couple more moments where I could have gone for it (though I think people do miss some of the eye contact moments, such as the one in the car during the whole thing between James and Pills&Coke). I think the entire bit in the beginning is absolutely necessary to get to know our character and understand where he’s beginning, what his circumstances are, but I do think it pales in comparison to the rest of the movie. I didn’t notice the first couple times, but while he’s in the doctor’s office discussing pain levels/PTSD, there’s a cut to the doctor that’s literally a millisecond long that was pretty unnecessary. I can also say that the scene with Tommy (drunk guy in the bar) was one of those moments from the book that didn’t need to be included, though it’s clear that they were trying to test the character’s mettle for the upcoming war he’d have to participate in because of his bad choices, and it was also a look at a version of what he could (would) become after he got home. But it didn’t really need to be in there.

 Those are literally the only things I “didn’t like”, and even then that’s the wrong phrasing, because I liked everything lmfao.

 Ciara was a casting choice I questioned initially, purely because she has such a young-looking face, but I was completely incorrect about doubting her. She killed it. She’s such a natural actress and she was able to meet Tom beat by beat in such a difficult story. Their chemistry was lovely. In fact, I loved all of the supporting characters and what they added to the story. They made the whole experience that much more real.

 Now, Tom. I mean. You guys know I love him and a lot of people like to say that if you have a bias towards someone, your opinion counts less when it comes to judging them. But I feel like there’s a reason why I have this bias to begin with, and it’s because Tom’s talent is just undeniable. He always pulls me in, he always makes me excited for what’s next, he is everything I want to see in an actor. He brought Peter to life in a way that had never been done before, and he uplifts every single movie he touches. This one really gets me particularly emotional because he’s said on so many different occasions that Cherry means a lot to him, because of the work he put in and because of the message it carries and because of the people he met and learned about during the whole process. I just—there are hardly any words big enough or meaningful enough to even describe his performance. It’s one for the ages. It’s agonizing and heartbreaking and mammoth. It is truly special. I know that they changed the book a lot, so this is based on a real person and his real experiences, but in the end it’s more of a composite of what Nico was at the time and not an exact replica—so I feel safe in saying that Tom, through this huge, powerhouse of a performance, created an entire person that felt so, so real. You can feel his past and all the memories in his head and the way he thinks about things. You can imagine what he’d say about something in a scene without him actually saying it. This character changes so drastically from the first scene to the last, and yet you still feel like you know him as he progresses through his journey. Tom expertly weathers every single nuance, every time the character experiences a moment that will push him further into darkness, every hesitation despite falling headfirst into such mistakes. I love Tom because he’s so subtle even in his bigger moments, and by this I mean he’s always got layers upon layers upon layers going on in each individual moment. Like the hospital scene in particular, after Emily’s overdose. There’s so much going on with Tom’s character there, from the deep horror in possibly losing the love of his life, to the heavy shame he feels in having facilitated her journey here. Just the way his voice hitches as he tries to help, while still hiding what they’ve done. The way he avoids the nurses’ gazes as he’s trying to connect with them to get an answer about her well-being. The way he almost deflates when he finally reveals that she took heroin. He is phenomenal. Every moment and every movement tells you more about this character, and that’s just down to Tom’s incredible talent. 

 Tom deep dives into every moment and commits fully. People have asked me what my favorite scene in this film is and it’s so hard because the entire thing is just a showcase of just how good he is. The bus station scene in particular stands out, because it’s one of those moments where he just truly disappears. The entire movie you hardly remember you’re watching Tom, but in that scene it’s like you’re there, like you’re actually witnessing this heart wrenching moment between two broken people. The way he shrinks into himself with that horrific shame after what’s happened to her. The complete and utter pain in his eyes when she tells him there’s no stopping what she plans to do. Tom never ever seems like one of those actors who knows what’s coming, who has rehearsed this moment or that moment over and over and over again. Everything is natural, everything comes as it comes and that’s why what he does feels so real. He isn’t acting. He is becoming.

 The Russos have said more than one time that they chose Tom for this role because he’s so likable and you feel empathy and sympathy for him, and that’s also one of the best changes from the book. The character feels so far from you in the book, you feel so disconnected from him, but Tom just has something that connects you with him, that makes you root for him. Every single time. He’s one of the most immensely watchable actors I’ve ever seen. If this was any other “indie” actor, any of the Hollywood favorite directors, I know this film would have been an awards darling. 

 That leads me to how critics are behaving. This movie was not the movie they made it out to be. They have loved films that are so much more outrageous in terms of story and filmmaking choices, and yet they’re acting like this is the craziest most off the wall thing they’ve ever seen. It’s really really whack and over the top to me. These ~film~ people, professionals and “film Twitter” have gotten it in their heads that as soon as someone is involved with Marvel movies that they’re suddenly damaged goods, can’t act, can’t do their jobs. I feel like Scarlett is the only one who’s escaped from this, with JoJo and Marriage Story, though the latter did get some slack, too. It drives me insane when all of these people writing about Tom are like “oh this is such a departure from Spider-Man!” No, Spider-Man is a departure from all his previous films. The vast majority of his movies are dramas. His first movie was The Impossible! But despite all this, critics love to shit on him and bring him down because he’s Spider-Man. It absolutely doesn’t help that this was helmed by the Russos, in fact it hurts the situation even more. Critics revel in bringing them down, in acting like they’re glorified for no reason. And like I said, they’re not my favorite, but these critics knew what their opinion was gonna be before they even watched Cherry. And they held onto that no matter what they actually felt. Thankfully, MOST of them are acknowledging how wonderful and impressive Tom was. But whatever score this movie has on RT now (a site that should be abolished, frankly) it doesn’t deserve something so low. 

 I understand film is subjective. But these people don’t seem to. I hate the gleeful “Cherry is bad!” bullshit, which goes beyond criticism so many times, is always extremely exaggerated, and acts as if because this particular person believes it’s bad, then everyone else should as well, and if they don’t, they don’t understand film. I’m tired of this shit and I’m tired of them underestimating and trying to stop Tom in his tracks. They want so desperately for this MARVEL BAD narrative to be true that they’ll rip these people apart whenever they get the opportunity. It felt very strange to have already seen the movie when the embargo was lifted, because it was like “did they see the same movie I saw?”

 After all that, I’d just like to say, do not be influenced by people like that. That’s what they want. They want you to listen to them and completely write off the movie, forgoing to see it at all. Please make your own decisions—if you love Tom, this is not something to be missed. He is a revelation. I personally, and wholeheartedly, think it was a beautiful movie. I’m gonna watch it again. It reminded me of so many of my favorites, and it rose above them too. It did not shy away from its subject, it is a cautionary tale, but it is told with love, with care and with kindness. It’s clear this was done by people who are close to the subject, who want people who struggle with PTSD and drug use to come out of the shadows they’re forced into and get the help they deserve. Cherry is so rewatchable to me, and it’s so staggering to see Tom just shine here. He is the best actor of his generation. And he’s only getting better.

[lastxviolet]

The Assistant - Ch. 3

Description: Summary - Her sixth year at Hogwarts was supposed to be relatively peaceful but after an incident on the Hogwarts express, Violet Wilkes finds herself the newest target of the Weasley twins. This, combined with a dark family secret, and the Triwizard tournament, makes her first few months back more exciting and stressful than every year before.

pairing: George Weasley x Original Female Character

warnings: pg-13. slow burn, eventual smut hehe

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28218804/chapters/69148695

They'd arrived on a Thursday night so Violet spent the long weekend finalizing her class schedule, helping the occasional lost first year, and being restless for Monday morning.

She'd met with Snape on Saturday to go over her O.W.L scores from last year's test and create her schedule. Their meeting was a pleasant one even though she became quite flustered when he'd asked for her after graduation plans. Truthfully, she wouldn't mind taking over for Snape one day but didn't feel confident in telling him. She also felt a longing to become a potioneer and perhaps create her own recipes at an apothecary someday. None of which she shared because there was nothing worse than being less than certain in Snape's presence.

He took her flimsy answer without protest and congratulated her on receiving almost all Outstanding scores, expressing as much happiness as his stoic disposition would allow about having her in advanced potions this year.

"You'll be requiring the use of my classroom for after-hour practice, I presume," her mentor said with a meaningful look.

He was a master at Occlumens but it always seemed as though he could read minds without it.

"That would be very much appreciated Professor," she confessed. "I wasn't able to practice much over the summer. Muggles don't usually have valerian root or infusion of wormwood lying around."

The side of his mouth twitched. "How do they survive? Draught of the Living Dead is most ambitious," he replied, referring to her aforementioned ingredients.

It was, but so was she. She was hoping to be able to create the entire Advanced Potions textbook from memory by the end of the year. Class stopped challenging her during her fourth year so after-hours practice was her only opportunity to flex her knowledge in any way. She'd tried hard for the past five years to become an expert simply because potions fascinated her. There was no rhyme or reason other than being captivated by the things that harmless ingredients could do when stirred together correctly.

They'd only decided on six classes this year, after all, she'd scored out of many courses being offered and didn't want to waste her time. She glanced down at the scribbled schedule Snape had made for her. Potions on Mondays and Wednesdays, followed by Ancient Runes and Defense Against the Dark Arts, respectively. Herbology on Tuesdays, Charms, and Care of Magical Creatures on Thursdays. Friday was completely free, as were almost all of her afternoons. Years of packing her schedule and studying deep into the night seemed to have paid off. It was a relief to finally have some free time, even though most of it would be spent studying for the NEWT exams at the end of the year.

She waited for Snape to give her the key to the classroom and raced back to the common room to compare schedules with Sadie.

"You're joking," she exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air. "Only one class together? What am I going to do in Transfiguration with a bunch of Ravenclaws, without you?"

"Maybe you can transform yourself into a kind and patient person," Violet joked, masking her disappointment and dodging her friend's elbow again.

Dark, hooded figures surrounded her, making escape impossible. She pleaded, screamed, begged them to hurt her instead. They laughed before turning their wands on Olivia, who was too far out of reach.

Her nightmare jolted her awake before her alarm could. Cruico, rang in her mind even after her eyes fluttered open. She stared at the wall, getting her bearings straight, listening carefully, ensuring that it was just a dream, and wiped the cold sweat from her forehead before getting dressed for the first day of classes.

The nightmare faded from her mind with each step she and Sadie took on the way up to breakfast. She crossed the floor of the much calmer Great Hall, listening to Sadie rant about whether or not she would have any Durmstrang boys in her class and fiddling with her tie. It was ridiculous to have to wear it, especially now that they could all see the much better uniform alternatives from other schools.

"All I'm saying is that I have had to put up with barely there pretty boys like Malfoy for five years," she huffed. "And I feel as though this school owes me a chance at a great love affair with a real man."

A real man. Yeah right, she thought. Judging by the leers and comments erupting from the Durmstrang table as they walked by, these were just slightly older-looking, rude horny gits.

She grabbed a copy of the Daily Prophet off of the Slytherin table and skimmed the Triwizard tournament article on the front page.

How this a school AND government-sanctioned event, she did not know. Muggle schools, as she remembered, called off outdoor sporting events if even one person in the stands saw lightning. Hogwarts, however, participated in an event for seven centuries that had resulted in countless deaths and injuries.

Figures.

"Merlin, people have died?" She muttered.

Sadie shrugged and nodded before recommitting her attention to her oatmeal, and one of the Bulgarian's still looking towards her from across the aisle.

At 8:45, Sadie bid her a dramatic goodbye, blowing her kisses and pretending to cry, the entire walk back out of the Great Hall and into the main hallway. If it had been her first year at Hogwarts, she would've about crumbled at the strange looks from her peers but by now she'd gotten used to it. Sadie was not one for blending into the scenery and although that was what Violet preferred, she let her drag her into the spotlight now and then, like exposure therapy.

She gladly descended back into the dungeons, past her common room door, letting the stone hall guide her to the potions classroom at the end of the corridor. She knew the walk like the back of her hand and could've done it walking backward, with her eyes closed.

The muggy, dimly lit classroom was a welcome sight. Cauldrons, strange beakers, and scattered ingredients had never looked so inviting. The second table to the back had been her seat last year, so she flitted through the familiar room and claimed it again.

As she'd suspected, mostly green and blue ties trickled into the classroom. She didn't mind the company of Ravenclaws in the slightest. Generally speaking, they were able to take things seriously and didn't seem to anger Snape as much as yellow or red ties did. Potions was an incredibly disciplined subject with little instant gratification or convenient use, as their professor liked to remind them, so there was no room for impulse, bravery, or even passion; only precision and memorization.

The second chair at her table squeaked over the stone floor, its shrill noise breaking her away from her internal musings.

Adrian Pucey, a tall dark-haired Slytherin boy, dropped into it and nodded her a polite hello. All things considered, when it came to Slytherin boys, his company wouldn't be particularly minded either. He could be a prick when he was with the rest of their house Quidditch team but alone, he was quiet and harmless. Besides, she knew he'd let her take the lead on all their projects.

Thank god, she thought, there was nothing worse than being stuck with a talkative git for a partner.

Loud laughs from the hallway cut through the comfortable silence. The almost full class let out a low murmur, annoyed at the ruckus. She whipped around and squinted, ready to shoot a death glare at its source. There was a very well-known dungeon etiquette of silence and although she wasn't a fan of most traditions, that one was respectable.

A red and gold tie snapped her out of her hateful trance.

Its owner met her eyes.

George Weasley tugged fellow Gryffindor, Lee Jordan, through the door. Her glare turned into a look of surprise. Surely they were in the wrong classroom. He stopped walking and squinted at her slightly. It took him a few seconds to recognize her face in the dim room and she watched him register her presence. His eyebrows raised in equal parts shock and something that looked like distress. Their eyes lingered until he opened his mouth like he was about to say something and she dug her nails into her palm and spun back around in the hopes that he wouldn't yell across the room.

Four times in one week? She could feel her intestines winding together, twisting her already anxious torso into a bout of nerves. This must be a mistake, she told herself. Snape will come and sort it out, ending whatever scheme they're attempting.

Taking calming breaths, she turned to her table partner, desperate for some way out of the embarrassing scenarios she'd begun spinning in her head.

"How was your summer, Adrian?"

"Oh, it was fine thanks. Actually I —"

The classroom door slammed shut. Professor Snape burst through the room, drawing his wand to shut the curtains and light several candles and a fireplace.

Thank god. She really didn't want to hear about whatever weird, rich, hunting trip Adrian took with his pure-blood family.

Everyone watched as Snape swept aggressively into the room but she could feel Georges's eyes on the back of her head. How was he here? And why was he looking at her?

"Do you two need assistance finding your seats," Snape sneered at the Gryffindors standing awkwardly in the aisle. She glanced over Adrian's ear and watched them rush forward to the table directly across the aisle.

"Not there Mr. Jordan," Snape hissed, looming from his podium with a furious look on his face. "Something tells me you will be incapable of restraining yourself from vexing the rest of us if seated next to Mr. Weasley. Switch with Mr. Pucey."

Violet watched Adrian grimace and collect his things. If he was the least worst Slytherin boy to be stuck with, then she guessed that Lee Jordan was the least worst Gryffindor boy. Especially when considering her other option. Despite never speaking before, she knew he willingly hung out with the twins, almost as much as they hung out with each other. That alone was cause for an evaluation of his mental state, regardless of how harmless he seemed.

She greeted Lee with a smile and a nod. Of course, he returned the small act of congeniality with an otherworldly grin and a friendly nudge to her bicep. She tensed slightly and tried not to grimace. Classic Gryffindor, she thought, give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

Snape, satisfied with the new arrangement, opened his mouth to begin class. She braced herself for his wrath now that he was more tense than normal but his first word was cut off by a loud screech of wood scooting across the stone. She turned to find the culprit and watched George stifle a giggle with his hand, now a good two inches closer to a murderous-looking Adrain. Snape remained silent and glanced back down at his book with an even more sour look on his face.

"In this class," he began. "You will learn skills beyond reading directly from your textbook. Some of you are here because of talent… while others, by dumb luck." He eyed George with disdain.

"To separate the two, we will begin today's lesson by brewing the last potion you learned last year…from memory," he said with a measured, cold voice.

The potion ran through her head as soon as he finished his sentence. She knew it. Of course, she knew it. She watched her classmates look around nervously, and tried not to smile and out herself as a know-it-all. It was always a balancing act. Staying in the good graces of such a harsh man like Snape and keeping up appearances around her fellow students.

"You have an hour — present the potion to me when you have finished," he concluded, taking a seat at his desk.

Lee's stared at her wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. As she had suspected, this was not his best subject. She turned and glared at him, suspending him in panic for one more second before smiling. She thought about winking but didn't want to give him any reason to think that they were friends. Lee squinted at her in a mixture of confusion and realization.

"Bloody hell," he breathed. "You know it, don't you."

His expression relaxed significantly, and he looked as if he'd just won the lottery. She didn't acknowledge him further and calmly reached underneath the table and pulled out a bottle of standard potion water, pouring it into their pewter cauldron with the burner set to low. It would be boiling by the time they got the ingredients so she quickly scribbled them on a piece of parchment and motioned for Lee to follow her. He did so wordlessly, and with more pep in his step than she'd ever seen a person muster.

"Alright Jordan, if you want to help, you can carry these," she said.

Lee gladly carried the powdered moonstone, syrup of hellebore, powdered porcupine quills, and powdered unicorn horn from the shelves back to their table, blocking the labels as he passed Adrian and George bickering behind their cauldron.

"Sorry Georgie, no cheating," Lee whispered across the aisle, with a smug smile.

If he wasn't best friends with the Weasley's then it might have been an ok setup. Clearly, he had no clue what he was doing, meaning he would stay out of her way, but also seemed rather eager to follow instructions. Regardless, she was sure he'd find a way to annoy her before the term was up.

She watched George stop fussing and stare daggers into his friend.

"Shove off," he hissed, bristling with agitation.

He'd always been so easygoing in herbology but she guessed that she'd never looked hard enough to see the anger, frustration, and competitiveness bursting within. Probably what happens when you have seven siblings, she thought. Thank god she only had Olivia.

His eyes met hers for a brief moment with the same look he'd had on his face when she'd shrunk her tongue on the train. Evidently, she was in fact, not the only one with whom he had quite a temper.

Lee burst into a fit of laugher and she dropped her eyes back onto the task at hand.

"Quiet," Snape snapped.

She focused back on stirring the first round of powdered moonstone in a clockwise pattern, waiting for the mixture to turn blue and let the repetitive motion ease her mind.

Of course, Snape would choose Draught of Peace to do from memory, she thought, silently giggling to herself. Not only was it complicated, but it required precise stirring patterns for a particular amount of time. Also, its deceptive name wouldn't make anyone suspect that if it was brewed incorrectly, it quite literally turned into an elixir of death. He probably didn't mean it as one, but she appreciated the morbid joke.

"Pass me the hellebore," she whispered to her table partner.

Lee looked a little shocked that she was speaking to him but reached into the pile regardless. He looked around the room and stealthily handed her the small vial. "Ah, yes, the goats spell," he said a little too loudly.

A few of their peers stood up to go to the ingredient cabinet and she bit back a giggle, not wanting to egg her partner on.

She usually wouldn't call herself amused during potions class but Lee looked like he was having the time of his life and it was nearly impossible not to feel somewhat entertained. He exaggerated every movement when she asked him for an ingredient or stirring spoon, and acted accusatory towards anyone who glanced over for too long. He was a lot less intrusive than the twins but his energy level was the same, along with the way that he had to turn every single moment into a joke or a laugh. It looked exhausting but he seemed to be having fun.

After nearly an hour, she added the final ingredients and stirred the solution in a clockwise motion, watching the potion turn turquoise, purple, red, and a myriad of other colors before finally turning a glowing white with the addition of powdered porcupine quills. The potion illuminated the room with shimmering white light for a few seconds before she took it off the burner.

"Merlin's beard," Lee exclaimed under his breath.

Suddenly very aware of the silence in the room, she tried not to think about all the eyes on her, especially the ones she knew were focused on her in contempt.

"Go put those back," she hissed at Lee.

He jumped from his chair, scooped up the ingredients, and skipped down the aisle with probably the biggest shit-eating grin Hogwarts had ever seen, on his face.

While all attention was on him, she quietly ladled the concoction into a vial and scurried up to Snape's desk. He took one glance at the now light turquoise potion and pocketed the bottle seemingly unsurprised to see her although his face had been hidden underneath a book for the entirety of the class.

"Miss Wilkes, can you please tell your peers what potion they should have attempted to make?"

Her stomach sank. The rest of her classmates had stopped fiddling with their cauldrons and were staring at her with annoyed expressions. It was to be expected but that didn't make it hurt any less. Except for Lee, who was exuberantly giving her a thumbs up, and George, who just looked dumbfounded and a little pissed off. Maybe he'd thought she was kidding about potions.

"Draught of Peace," she announced to the cold room.

"Which does what, exactly," Snape said, questioning her further.

She knew he was just trying to make a point but hated being used as the one to make it. The label of know-it-all was no longer a worry, now they would just skip straight to teacher's pet.

"It relieves anxiety and agitation," she said, avoiding eye contact.

"I am sure you will all want a dose before our next lesson," Snape said in a scolding tone. "Please come to class on Wednesday prepared, or your grade and house points will suffer…tremendously," he hesitated and turned towards her. "50 points to you Miss Wilkes for Slytherin —class dismissed."

She squeaked out a quick goodbye to her mentor, before rushing back to her desk. His praise meant the world to her but it also put a target on her back. In past years, it at least took a few periods for the class to realize she was on good terms with him. Now, it just looked like they'd colluded to make everyone else feel stupid.

She jumped a little as Lee cut her off before she could make it past his chair, trapping her in the aisle.

"That was totally brilliant!"

Not in the mood, she thought. His praise meant nothing. He was just thankful to not receive failing marks for the day.

"Move," she hissed, keeping her eyes on the ground.

He stumbled back against the table a bit but turned to let her through before continuing.

"How on earth did you do that…I heard if you get Draught of Peace even the slightest bit wrong, you could kill somebody!"

She shoved her books back into her bag, frantic to leave without further incident but wasn't fast enough as Adrian and George appeared in the aisle.

"Then it's a shame you didn't drink ours," Adrian snarled at her table partner.

Great. Now they could all fight like snakes and lions were meant to. She just wanted to leave and be done with this nightmare class.

"Awh Pucey, you didn't enjoy our romantic time in your dungeon together," George said, swinging an arm around his partner's shoulder.

"Don't touch me," Adrian shoved him off like his touch was poison, making the Gryffindors chuckle.

"Thanks a lot, Wilkes," Lee said, dawning the same smile he'd given her at the beginning of class. At least it was a little more warranted now.

She eyed him suspiciously but nodded in acceptance.

"So you really do know your potions," George mused, still looking at her, his eyes gleaming competitively. "I'm surprised."

The look told her straight away that her plan had backfired. Entertaining the twins on the train had not in fact made her immune to interacting with either of them for the rest of the year. She would just have to try something else.

"That makes one of us. You're just as daft as I suspected."

She ignored Lee's cackling and stared at the redhead. She could've just left, or let Adrian deal with him but something flared inside her at the chance to challenge such a smug man. It felt good. It wasn't often she felt equally matched, even now she suspected that George was quite a bit beneath her but the opportunity was too enticing. His anger, although she'd only been privy to it once, was addictive.

It must have felt equally as strong for George because his face got darker again and he leaned closer, ready to retort. His eyes searched hers and she could tell that he was going to make it personal, perhaps even try to be hurtful but Adrian cut him off before he could say anything.

"Shove off Weasley."

Something seemed to snap and George's face switched back to a jovial smile and mischievous eyes.

She stared at him in shock. What was his problem? Adrian was much more infuriating than she was but he barely even seemed to register his words.

"Until next time my love," he cooed at Adrian whilst he and Lee fell into a fit of giggles and pulled each other out of the door.

She and Adrian followed silently after them, walking together out of courtesy, rather than friendship. One of the perks of such a historic house with noble bloodlines was the occasional show of chivalry

They walked down the corridor and back up into the main hall. "Thanks for the 50 points Wilkes," he said, turning to part ways. "Can't believe I'm stuck with a bloody Weasley."

He flashed her a smile which she returned with a polite nod before making her way to her next class, trying to ignore the hustle and bustle of the students around her.

She plopped down in Ancient Runes a few minutes later, still annoyed about the less than peaceful potions class.

Professor Babbling said something about Ancient Runes, best-serving students, as an independent study but she couldn't focus on her open book and unfinished translation. The class was always appreciated seeing as quiet moments throughout the day were rather rare outside of the library. The opportunity to spend several hours with just her thoughts and meaningless translations was a much-needed break from the day-to-day busyness.

George's comment rang in her head. What was his problem? He exuded arrogance without reason. She'd outsmarted him on the train and although she'd technically outsmarted him in potions, it was entirely out of her hands and not meant as an insult to him in any way. Maybe his ego was bruised, even though the only witness on the train was his brother, who she seriously doubted cared about intelligence. Either way, he seemed to be taking their encounters entirely personal.

Whatever it was, he needed to get over it, and quick. Usually, potions class was the only hour and a half in her day where she got to gather her thoughts and methodically apply her knowledge with little disturbance. She would rather deal with the consequences of forcing him to leave her alone, than sacrifice it.

Even after an entire afternoon and evening in the library, George's smug face still taunted her as she went to sleep.

[tangled-cl0wn-core]

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

 HI!! since you asked before sending it, I knew this was coming but my First Cool Guy Tumblr Ask is so neat,, anyway!!

This is my only IT-specific account, but I post almost everything I draw on my instagram, https://www.instagram.com/fabricsofteners/ (I don't know how people make links cool on tumblr aaa) I also have an AO3, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangledheadphonecord , where I might post this one really long fic I’m working on (maybe not, as it’s super lame but God am I putting in work)? But mostly it’s just really old stuff atm, and no IT content right now - just some random drabbles from past hyperfixations tbh.

I used to be ‘fabricsofteners’ everywhere besides here - tangledheadphonecord is a username I used for my tumblr because I want a change from the fabricsofteners brand, as I've had it for quite a few years and have just grown kind of bored - just waiting a bit to change my instagram user. I also used to be ‘unbrandedmarkers’ like, three years ago on instagram? but, that era ended fast. I think I might have an old Tumblr under some variation of ‘fabric softener’ but honestly even if anything is up on it I’d probably be embarassed to look at it now.

I watched IT for the first time in 2019, I believe, but wasn’t really in the fandom until actually like, April of this year. I entered the fandom and developed a hyperfixation (sobs) by complete mistake - I read all the fics for michael mell/rich goranski on ao3, and was on a camping trip and wanted to read some Homosexual Fanfiction and literally remembered IT on a whim (rich-to-richie association) and read a bunch of Reddie fics, and it was all down (up?) hill from there.

Unshockingly, I’m sure, Reddie is my number one favourite IT ship. I’m also an enjoyer of Benverly, as well as Stanley/Patty - IT is like, the only fandom where I actually like the canon ships. I do also think Streddie/Stozier is really cute and Bill/Mike (unsure of the shipname?) is nice when I see it!! I think Reddis is cute because I am a total sucker for best-friends-to-lovers, as well asthe  ‘I tease everyone but mostly you’ and the ‘I’m so tired of you bullying me but if you ever stop I’ll cry’ and... just, the entire dynamic that they have. Stanley/Patty - there is no reasoning, I just want Stanley to be happy. Benverly - the way they were each other’s first Meaningful Interactions in so like?? agony, they’re so cute. They both deserve to be happy, and I’m so happy they find that happiness in each other. 

As for characters - Richie is absolutely my favourite. I (unfortunately /hj) kin and relate to him on so many levels it hurts. Having a character that feels that fear of their sexuality because of a horrible environment is painfully real. covering up struggles with humour and all that?? yeah, mood (also, crushing on your best friend-). What he means to me, in a sense, isn’t really canon - I read strictly fix-it fics, because I want to feel that hope that like fanon Richie, I don’t have to hide forever. I can be myself and be happy. Obviously I can’t much look to the movies or anything for that but hey - what’re Andy or Stephen gonna do, tell me to stop reading fics? 

I also really like Stanley!! I don’t,, have a reason. I just think he’s adorable and I love his dynamic with the other Losers a lot. Stanley breathed like, once, and instantly became a comfort character and not even I know why at this point, he just is. Eddie & Bev are up there, too - honestly, Bill is the only Loser I don’t have a strong attachment too. And honestly, he’s growing on me rapidly.

I mostly draw whatever my goblin hyperfixated brain can think of, as well as rebloging just about every post that I see and like (art, jokes, edits, fics, etc.) - I start and stop a lot of fics, maybe one day I’ll finish one but as of yet I have not... Sigh.

I honestly don’t think I do have anyone to tag for inspiration? I follow IT blogs but none I would go to for inspiration (no offense to any mutuals-) inspiration for me is mostly just seeing a pose and going ‘okay’ and suddenly I have a drawing - I have no clue what happens in between.

So, my current all-time favourite IT fic atm is https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213215/chapters/43087232, though I will say it’s a really heavy fic and to read with caution. Going away from Angst, any ‘famous Reddie’ AUs are amazing, but I constantly reread the entire https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560019 series. It’s cute and funny and I THRIVE for domestic Reddie content. 

Actually not Reddie, I throughly enjoyed https://archiveofourown.org/works/23201011 for giving me the Mike content the movies have robbed me of for too long, as well as https://archiveofourown.org/works/25262698 which is pure stanlon greatness and made my heart flutter for the boys more than once.

I don’t really have any IT fics up of my own creation, and honestly my reception in way of Tumblr notes is far better than I expected so honestly, I have none to link lol. As long as I get minimun interaction I will thrive.

I wish I could say I’ve been in anything like a zine or anything, but I have not! I’m relatively new to the fandom (and having a social media dedicated to one thing) so I wouldn’t even know where to begin to join or be qualified for one, y’know? I’ve done art weeks in the past and found them incredibly fun but haven’t seen any for IT - but if anyone does happen to know of any... Feel free to send them my way-

As for the last question - other than like, hyping up Chosen and Jeremy just as much as we do the other IT kids (which, honestly I’m not even sure if is still a problem - I’ve just seen posts about it and it’s made me wary), I’m not sure? I’ve honestly not encountered anything in the fandom I find awful and honestly, for a fandom about a movie that is... Well, IT, I’ve really just kind of enjoyed my time in the fandom thus far?

(I will say we need 200% more attention being drawn to 1990s adult Eddie Kaspbrak, who is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen - but I also feel that way about James Ransone, so I’m not mad.)

(Also, we should be calling out the 1990s IT more, I watched it recently and it’s so bad /lh)

Anyway!! I feel like this answer was incredibly long and I am so sorry!! But like, thank you so much for asking me anything at all fihabsfhbafb I thrive at any chance to talk about the dumb clown movie. (Also, i’m sorry I say ‘honestly’ so much-)

[tiramisiyu]

Tears of Themis: Lu Jinghe’s Birthday - NPC Interviews Part 2

Translation Masterlist

Event Story: 6.13 Decision to Compete | 6.15 Personal Instruction | 6.17 Building Block Dolls | 6.19 Participating in the Competition | 6.21 Birthday Celebration

Event Story Interviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Interview 6 – Short-haired Girl

MC: Hello, are you a participant in the building blocks competition? I would like to interview the participants of the building blocks competition, and contacted you regarding this previously.

Short-haired Girl: Mhmm, I know. Here, I just bought this milk tea.

MC: Ah… thank you!

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: May I ask, why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Short-haired Girl: Because I really like building blocks – I started playing them since I was very young, so it’s been around… 10 years.

MC: It looks like you really love building blocks.

Short-haired Girl: Yes, the process of manipulating building blocks lets me really sink my heart into it and focus on doing one thing. I like this feeling.

⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Short-haired Girl: Giving new life to famous artworks using building blocks – I feel like this theme is very meaningful.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know of world-famous artworks?

Short-haired Girl: I like Renoir’s works a lot, especially his “Little Irène”. The golden-haired girl in a shawl, sitting on the grass, fresh and dreamy, with a slight melancholy. A work that’s befitting of a master of Impressionism.

MC: Looks like you know a lot about art appreciation.

 ⊳ Profession

MC: At this point, I feel like you have a deep understanding of painting arts. May I ask what your profession is? Is it a uniform you’re wearing – are you a student in the arts?

Short-haired Girl: Nope, I’ve already long graduated. Right now, I’m a comic artist. As for what I’m wearing… hahaha, since I draw school manhua, it’s easier for me to find inspiration in uniform.

MC: School manhua?

Short-haired Girl: Mhmm. It’s a story about an isekai magical girl who’s learning at school.

 ⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Short-haired Girl: I do. It’s that well-known artist, right? I like his works a lot. Rembrandt’s an art master who’s incredibly hard to imitate, but Z did it. In Z’s pieces, he’s always able to use the contrast of light and shadow to the extreme.

 ⊳ Things she wants to say to “Z”

MC: Is there anything you want to say to “Z”?

Short-haired Girl: I like Z a lot, although his new works recently have been very few. I hope he can put out new works soon – I’m really looking forward to admiring them!

END QUESTIONING

 MC: That ends today’s interview. Thank you for your cooperation.

Short-haired Girl: No problem. I’m heading back to continue drawing – it’s almost deadline day, and I haven’t finished the draft this month.

MC: Do your best! Thank you for the milk tea.

Interview 7 – Injured Man

MC: Ah… is this person’s hand injured?

START INSPECTION

⊳ Arm

MC: (It’s plastered – looks like it’s very serious.)

⊳ Face

MC: (He seems like a person with a bit of a temper.)

--

MC: (Although, since he’s also a participant in the building blocks competition, I should hurry and interview him.)

END INSPECTION

 MC: H-hello! Are you a participant in the building blocks competition? I contacted you regarding this previously about interviewing participants of the building blocks competition. Is this a convenient time for you?

Injured Man: Oh, the one who called me was you. Go ahead and start.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: May I ask, why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Injured Man: No special reason – I just like them.

MC: It seems like your hand… is injured.

Injured Man: Oh, this? I accidentally fell a few days ago.

MC: If you’re injured, can you…

Injured Man: You’re doubting my ability?

MC: I-I wouldn’t dare.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Injured Man: I like this theme a lot. It’s a new challenge to me. Don’t take my injured hand for anything – I’m a veteran in the building blocks world and I’ve gotten lots of awards.

MC: That’s impressive. I hope you’ll be able to win this time too.

Injured Man: That’s for sure.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know about world-famous artworks?

Injured Man: Artworks… I haven’t paid attention to those in a while. Although, I’ve got a deep impression of da Vinci’s “The Last Supper”. I saw it in the history books during high school and have remembered it up until now.

MC: (Speaking of which, I’ve also got a deep impression of this piece.)

 ⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Injured Man: What’s that? Is it a new set of building blocks on sale?

MC: N-no, “Z” is a famous artist.

Injured Man: Artist? Oh, I remember now – you’re talking about that evaluator that got specially invited. With him as an evaluator, it really does suit this competition theme.

 ⊳ Things he wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you had the chance to speak with “Z”, what would you say to him?

Injured Man: Hm… I’m looking forward to the day of the competition, for the collision of the building blocks and painting art worlds. With his evaluations, they might bring me new inspiration for my creations.

 END QUESTIONING

MC: Alright, that ends today’s interview. Thank you for your cooperation.

Injured Man: No problem. You can also find me if there’s an interview next time.

MC: S-sure.

Interview 8 – Xue Xinran

MC: Xue Xinran, what a coincidence. I never would’ve thought that you’d also participate in the building blocks competition.

Xue Xinran: Lawyer MC, when you contacted me, I was super surprised.  

MC: I wanted to do some interviews with the participants of the building blocks competition – let’s start.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Xue Xinran: I’ve been working with building blocks for the past bit of time. I thought they were really interesting and wanted to use the competition to train myself.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Xue Xinran: I’m really interested in this theme, and specifically borrowed lots of famous artwork books from the library to study from.

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know of world-famous artworks?

Xue Xinran: I’ve read a lot of books on the “Mona Lisa”, so I’ve got a deep impression on this painting. There are many guesses on who the Mona Lisa depicts – some think that she was the artist’s lover, others think that she came from the artist’s imagination. I hope to see that mysterious smile personally one day.

 ⊳ Recent Circumstances

MC: It’s been a long time since we last saw each other. Is Grandpa Fang’s health doing alright?

Xue Xinran: Thank you for your concern. Grandpa Fang’s health is much better. When he saw me playing with building blocks last time, he said that he also wanted to try.  

 ⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Xue Xinran: I do. It’s that well-known artist, right – I heard that he was specially invited as the evaluator for this competition. I like his artworks a lot. It gives one a unique energy.

 ⊳ Things she wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you had the chance to speak with “Z”, what would you say?

Xue Xinran: Hm… I heard that he hasn’t appeared under the public eye for a long while. Some say that he’s encountered issues, others say that he might be retiring from the job. But I hope that “Z” can persist to draw. No matter what, he has us fans behind him.

END QUESTIONING

 MC: Thank you, that ends today’s interview.

Xue Xinran: No problem. Then I’ll continue practicing with the building blocks.

  Interview 9 – Courier

MC: (Ah… the next interviewee is a courier?)

MC: Hello! I would like to interview the participants of the building blocks competition. I contacted you regarding this previously. Is this a convenient time for you?

Courier: It is – I’ve finished my work for today and was just planning to get off work. Let’s start.  

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: May I ask, why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Courier: Because building blocks are one of my hobbies. When I have time, I’ll play around with building blocks. Although, it is my first time competing.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Courier: So it was this theme. Sorry, my work’s too busy, so I haven’t had the time to focus on it.

 ⊳ Profession

MC: Mister courier, you must have it hard typically, right?

Courier: A little. Although, Pax just came out with a new version of robots that can help us sort packages, which has greatly increased work productivity. Everyone is very grateful to Pax.  

⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Courier: I do. My girlfriend likes him a lot and says that he’s the most amazing genius artist. She’s been rambling about this to me for a long while – I’m even a little jealous.  

 ⊳ Things he wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you had the chance to speak with “Z”, what would you say?

Courier: Hm… it’s actually almost my girlfriend’s birthday. If possible, I hope that “Z” can say happy birthday to her. It would be even better if there were an autograph – she’d definitely be very happy.

MC: You two have a great relationship.

END QUESTIONING

 MC: That ends today’s interview, thank you for your cooperation. Happy birthday to your girlfriend in advance.

Courier: Thank you!

  Interview 10 – Luo Yuhao

MC: Lawyer Luo Yuhao? You’re also a participant in the building blocks competition?

Luo Yuhao: So the one who called me was you, little lawyer sister from Themis.

MC: Yes, it’s me. I wanted to interview the participants of the building blocks competition…

Luo Yuhao: Then let’s start. My time is precious, after all.

START QUESTIONING

⊳ Reason for competing

MC: Why are you participating in this building blocks competition?

Luo Yuhao: Life’s too dull, so I often must find some interesting things to improve it. This building blocks competition is sufficiently interesting, is it not?

MC: I-it sure is.

 ⊳ Competition Theme

MC: Do you have any thoughts regarding the theme of this competition, “A Reconstruction of World-Famous Artworks”?

Luo Yuhao: No matter what the theme is, I will strive for my best. Little sister, your questions are much too simple.

MC: (… Each time I speak with Lawyer Luo, her speaking pressure is always massive.)

 ⊳ World-Famous Artworks

MC: What do you know of world-famous artworks?

Luo Yuhao: I am more concerned with the prices of artworks than the artworks themselves. I once dealt with an inheritance case where the client’s father had multiple famous paintings under his name, but they were stolen and replaced for fakes by the nurse over several years. The nurse refused to admit to the thievery, so the client could only look for me to be their representing lawyer. Though this case was troublesome, the payment was generous, probably an amount that a small-time lawyer like you wouldn’t be able to earn over several lifetimes.

MC: I-is that so…

Luo Yuhao: How about it, do you want to come work at Baldr, little sister? Next time I run into a case like this, I can let you be my assistant.

MC: No need…  

⊳ “Z”

MC: Do you know of “Z”?

Luo Yuhao: That artist? I’ve heard of him. I believe his painting last time broke the auction house’s sale price records. I have a major client that admires him quite a lot. It’s a pity that Z’s art is too difficult to get – they’re not things that people can get just from having money.

  ⊳ Things she wants to say to “Z”

MC: If you had the chance to speak with “Z”, what would you say?

Luo Yuhao: There’s nothing I want to say for now, although… if I had the chance, I do want to get the chance to know him. I’ve always been very interested in men who can maintain their mystery.  

END QUESTIONING

MC: That ends today’s interview, thank you for your cooperation.

Luo Yuhao: No problem. I’ll head back to the law firm, then.

MC: Okay. Goodbye, Lawyer Luo.

[scripttorture]

I'm curious about the the mental processes that makes torturers do their work. Is that akin to the process that allowed the "Teacher" to press the supposedly shock-inducing button in the Milgram Experiment? Do they blame their victims for "making them torture them"? Does dehumanisation play a role? What do symptoms look like on a torturer? Thank you in advance.

These are all good questions but a lack of research means it’s difficult to answer them definitely.

 I’ll start by saying that the Milgram experiments are a steaming pile of… insults to the scientific community shall we say. Honestly as a scientist the Milgram experiments make me angry because they are just so darned sloppy. They are terrible. They cherry picked data. They applied significant coercion to the ‘teachers’ while claiming they didn’t. They failed to record the ways ‘teachers’ tried to trick the system (especially those who pretended to press the button but did not actually do so).

 And they also didn’t bother to check whether the ‘teachers’ believed they were actually administering electric shocks. When a follow up study asked these people about it later they found that the majority of people who pressed the button didn’t believe the button caused electric shocks.

 Essentially- Milgram can’t tell us shit about why this happens. Those experiments were too sloppy and poorly conducted for us to draw any conclusions.

 So what do we actually have that can tell us about torturers?

 There are a lot of interviews conducted by non-specialists; mostly journalists. There are works torturers published. I consider both of these sources useful but biased. Torturers have repeatedly shown that they don’t provide accurate accounts of events or their own actions. So – I take these accounts with a pinch of salt and try to be critical.

 When it comes to actual specialists providing notes on torturers- I’ve only really found two sources: Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth contains notes on torturers he treated after the Franco-Algerian war, and Sironi’s body of work studying torturers. Which is only available in French and is print on demand.

 Yes I am still bitter, moving on!

 Where does all this leave us?

 Well it means that we don’t have enough good quality studies to be absolutely sure. It means most of what we ‘know’ is educated guess work, based on the little bit of research and anecdotal accounts.

 It’s frustrating. We need more data. And the result is that most of what I can say here is ‘may bes’.

 Dehumanisation probably does play a role, but it may not be as great a role as we tend to assume. Studies of the effects of hate speech in Rwanda in the lead-up to the genocide (along with what we know about ICURE techniques) do suggest that dehumanisation makes atrocities more likely. But they don’t necessarily make torture specifically more likely and many torturers will acknowledge the humanity of their victims.

 Some torturers do use language that blames their victims but- not in quite the way you’ve put it here. They don’t tend to say victim’s ‘made them’ torture. Instead they tend to suggest that the victims put themselves in a position where they knew they were going to be tortured.

 ‘A kid that colour walking around in that part of town at night? What did he expect!’

 That kind of phrasing is something I see more regularly.

 Another common one is torturers suggesting the victims ‘deserved it’ because of a particular characteristic: ie race, sexuality, gender, homelessness, disability. Arguing that a victim was ‘probably guilty’ or is actually guilty of a crime and therefore ‘should’ be tortured is also pretty common among torturers.

 But- I also get the impression that most torturers just don’t think about their victims much. Not as human individuals anyway. They don’t seem to consider the lasting impact they have on other people in any meaningful way.

 I think this is easiest to illustrate by looking at the way torturers express regret. Because they do often express regret for what they did.

 But it’s not expressed as them primarily being sorry they hurt so many people. Instead it’s- they regret what they did because they have nightmares about it. Because they’re ill and the symptoms are terrible. Because they lost their job. Because they’re socially isolated.

 It’s regret focused on the consequences of torture for the torturer rather then an acknowledgement of the scale of harm they caused their victims.

 I often get asks that suggest this as an inherent characteristic that ‘makes’ people torturers but there’s no evidence to support that. I personally believe this lack of empathy is an effect of torture rather then something that leads to torture.

 I guess what I’m driving at here is that there is a rather selfish focus in torturers. But beyond that symptoms in torturers look pretty much the same as symptoms in everyone else.

 My impression, based on the interviews I’ve read, is that unless the subject of torture comes up torturers come across as trauma survivors. Asshole trauma survivors but still trauma survivors.

 They tend to be rather convinced of their own importance. I’m unsure where this personality trait comes from but it does seem common. It could be a product of the sub-culture torturers create.

 And that brings me more or less to- well the answer to the big question here: why do they do it? How can they do it?

 My opinion is that the answer has little to do with individuals and everything to do with organisations.

 I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Torturers do not work alone.

 Torture by it’s definition and nature is a function of groups, of broken systems.

 Torturers are not individuals who arbitrarily decide to abuse someone. They are police officers with little training and no funding instructed to ‘do something now’. They are soldiers who’ve been taught over a lifetime that the ‘enemy would do the same to us’. They are teachers told to ‘control the class or else’.

 They’re groups of people in an environment that has a huge pressure to produce ‘results’ while also being under trained, under staffed, under funded and unsupervised. Into this already unhealthy mix throw the persistent background cultural lie that torture is a short cut to the results they want.

 Hell the persistent cultural message that violence is any kind of answer.

 Is it really a surprise that our police turn to torture when we don’t teach them to interrogate and our news outlets, our politics, our fiction is full of apologia telling them that abuse will get them the results they want?

 The mindset that let’s torturers abuse other people does rely on assumptions that some people are ‘lesser’ or otherwise ‘deserve’ to be abused. But the bit most fiction doesn’t capture is the social aspect.

 The way torturers egg each other on and the way they compete. The way they gradually become more or less the entirety of each other’s social circles. The fear they have of each other, which can trap them in the abusive role they’ve taken on. The way they lose other skills, making it feel impossible to switch. The way they seem to feel that stopping represents both personal failure and letting down the only people they still count as ‘friends’.

 The closest I’ve seen a movie come to this was The Shape of Water, the villain brilliantly captured the bizarre mix of self importance, incompetence and intense environmental stress that characterises torturers.

 Torturers say that they start because ‘there’s no other choice’. I don’t know how much they believe that piece of apologia.

 I do know that in any organisation that tortures there is often incredibly intense pressure to participate in, or at least ignore, torture. Refusal often leads to a person leaving an organisation, sometimes feet first.

 But the reasons they continue are complicated. For some of them they probably do believe the apologia, that they’re ‘doing necessary work’. Some of them definitely see their victims as less then human.

 All of them are caught in a... societal trap not unlike a cult. They’re isolated from non-torturers. They’re constantly fed the message that torturing is right. They’re threatened if they try to leave.

 I think that, whether they acknowledge it or not, the main reason torturers continue is because they know they’re at risk if they stop and they know they’ll be completely socially isolated if they stop.

 Of course sooner or later they do stop. It’s completely unsustainable.

 When they do they generally report isolation, low self esteem and difficulty functioning in society. They struggle to find and keep work. They struggle to form or maintain relationships. It wrecks their lives; the organisation chews them up and spits them out mangled to a point where they can’t navigate society.

 And because they rarely come to terms with what they’ve done they rarely recover.

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