#i really like him but i still mourn adult nick

[danderria]

Nicky Foster (S2, 29/31)

Check out the other characters in this project here

More outfits under read more!

[ghostradiodylan]

In general Ryan gets so mistreated and overhated by the fandom and it makes me sad because I really like Ryan even in my first playthrough :/ I get that the part where he was arguing with Laura about the existence of werewolves when he watched Nick transform and run out the window was kind of dumb but he’s all around a great character who’s brave and helpful and he helped save everyone’s lives in the best ending….

While I don’t agree with all of their actions I can’t bring myself to hate on any of the counselors. They’re all young adults who are stuck in a horrifying and traumatic situation, of course they’re going to be flawed and not perfect. It just baffles me how Travis, Constance, Jedidiah and Eliza do the most horrible things in the game yet people viciously hate on Ryan : (

Oh, the actual adults in the game are absolutely The Worst. (Even Chris, though I think he wants to help, is incredibly negligent at best).

I think there are a few things happening here that can turn people against Ryan (and I'm not saying anyone has to like him as a character, we all have characters we vibe with and ones we don't, but it's worth examining why we don't vibe with some characters especially when those characters are Black or other POC, LGBTQ, and ND-coded).

Ryan is a victim of some of the less compelling writing choices in the game IMO. They don't have anything to do with his character, really, he's generally well-written, but some of the things that were cut from the game, and the way the relationships unravel in the latter half of the game does Ryan kind of dirty.

First of all, his relationship with Chris Hackett isn't fleshed out enough for a lot of players to understand why he's willing to sacrifice so much on the hope that his mentor isn't actually a werewolf (or a deeply irresponsible asshole of a boss). If they'd left in the scene of Chris following up with Ryan about following his dreams and going to animation school and the initial confrontation with Chris that was patched out, where Ryan questions how he hid this from them all this time when he cared about them and Ryan trusted him (literally heartbreaking to watch tbh 🥺), it might have been a little easier for players to empathize with his loyalty to Chris. This kid has no known father, absentee mother, aging grandparents, a sister he clearly feels a lot of responsibility for, and his father figure who he goes to for advice left him in the worst possible situation. Of course he's going to be in denial about that and about him being a werewolf until he sees it for himself, and then Ryan has to kill him. It's so fucking tragic. And he doesn't even get a second to mourn or even react because the Silas plotline kicks in immediately (and they spent all the animated tears budget on Jacob).

Then there's Ryan's relationship with Dylan, which I could (and will) write about for days. Based on the game we got, plus the cut content, I don't think Ryan was ever supposed to have the option to get with Kaitlyn. I think that's a red herring that allows homophobic players to avoid a gay kiss (kind of a fucked up use of a BAMF character and Brenda Song's star power but, ok). I don't think he was ever supposed to get to romance Laura either. But I do think he was meant to be able to either end up with Dylan, or decisively not end up with him. If they'd kept the relationship system that we still have traces of but no actual structure for, then his ability to say 'maybe neither' to Laura wouldn't be something players held against him because it would have a basis in the choices we've made as Ryan (and Dylan) so far. As it stands, it feels like that is unsupported by what's happened in the game when we've had Dylan and Ryan flirting with each other and taking an obvious interest in each other since they were introduced.

Even if you choose the less favorable dialogue options, Dylan and Ryan are never really shown to be truly at odds (with the possible exception of the gun argument, but even that pretty much smooths over in the end). Even if you have them be hard-headed assholes to each other, they still have their heart-to-heart on the way to the radio hut (which I really think was supposed to have an alternative if they had low relationship stats).

Complicating matters is the fact that a lot of people really love Dylan. Obviously I'm one of them, I mean, look at my url and writing choices. I think Miles gives the best performance of the game, hands down (and I think all the actors did really well tbh). He's a great actor (his line reads are flawless and that sassy boy body language? I die.) but he also gets a lot to work with in terms of the script. Dylan is complex and compelling in a way that tends to be highly relatable for most people. He's probably neurodivergent (ADHD) but it's portrayed in a more palatable way for neurotypical people. Plus, as an audience, we are primed to empathize with the person who wants to be wanted, who is afraid of rejection, who has the cute crush that we want to see reciprocated and is trying not to get their heart stomped on. We've all been there! That's a centuries-old trope in drama and literature for a reason. And while Ryan does not owe Dylan reciprocation, we see some pretty clear signs of it at least being possible. So the game sort of dangles it in front of players like we can make that happen with our choices and then makes a half-baked attempt to snatch it away. That annoys people and, I think at least partially because Ryan's race and stoic demeanor (/autism) have people subconsciously primed to view him negatively, they take that out on him instead of the SMG writers who opted for that rather than fleshing out the relationships any further for the latter half of the game.

Like, yes, it's a horror game not a dating sim (Ryan and Dylan dating sim DLC when tho??), but you spend so much time building relationships that end up not mattering to the outcome of the game, I get why that's frustrating for people. It's frustrating for me! I just think being mad at Ryan over it is the wrong take. I still see people saying "Dylan deserves better than Ryan." Dylan and Ryan both deserve to exist in a finished fucking game where we have the option to get them together or not, but blaming whatever happens, or doesn't, on Ryan as a character is kinda trash.

[walker-extended-universe]

(Don't) Jump

Relationship(s): Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Cordell Walker, Cordell Walker & Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan & Cordell Walker, Lucifer & Michael

Tags/Warnings: Episode: S05E22 Swan Song, Stopping the Apocalypse, Self-Sacrifice, Desperation, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Hurt No Comfort

Summary: Gabriel senses the oncoming apocalypse and decides to quit being a coward. He brings Cordell along with him.

Part 5 of Henry Winchester 'Verse

Written for @angstober Day 21- Can't Save Everyone

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134

-------

It’s happening.

Cordell’s hands paused over the keyboard of his laptop. “What’s happening?”

The prizefight. Our brothers fighting over the planet, over paradise. It’s coming soon. I can feel it.

Cordell sighed. He’d known this day would come, but he’d foolishly hoped Sam and Dean would do something about it before it became a problem. “What do we do? Start prepping for the end?”

I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but… There might be another way.

“What? Like we go there and try to talk them out of it?”

It’s worth a try. Maybe it’s time we quit running from all this family stuff.

Cordell shook his head. “Do you really think that will work? That we can just stop the apocalypse if we ask nicely? I thought everyone up in Heaven and down in Hell wanted this….” He wasn’t sure what was left of their brotherly bonds would be enough to stop the will of cosmic forces.

We have to try, don’t we?

He wasn’t wrong about that. “Okay. Just- Let me tell Emily first. Just in case.” Just in case they didn’t come back. Just in case something went wrong. Just in case Gabriel was wrong about everything. They needed to be ready.

—-------

Lucifer and Michael stood in Stull Cemetery, ready for the final showdown. Neither of them truly wanted to do this- they were brothers, after all- but they had no choice. It was the way the story was written. It was fate, plain and simple.

Fate did not involve Dean Winchester rolling up to the site of the battle blasting his rock and roll. Nor did it involve their wayward brother Gabriel appearing in the nick of time.

“It’s been some time, little brother,” Michael greeted.

“I thought I killed you,” said Lucifer.

“Gabriel?! Why the fuck are you wearing my brother?!” demanded Dean.

Gabriel sighed. “Okay, in order. One, I’ve been a lot of places, Michael. Made lots of interesting friends too. Two, Lucifer, you are not the only person who’s taught me tricks. I’ve evolved since you left. And three, I’m wearing him because I needed a place to hide and he consented to it. Now, let’s talk Apocalypse. Or, rather, why we shouldn’t be doing this whole mess.”

Michael scoffed. “Gabriel, with all due respect, you abandoned Heaven eons ago. You don’t have a right to try interfering now. You lost that ability when you ran away.”

“And if you try to argue that you’re doing this to save human lives, let me remind you that you tried to kill me not too long ago,” Lucifer hissed. “How could you value these disgusting creatures over your own brother?”

“See, this is why I left Heaven; you asshats never let me talk,” Gabriel grumbled. “Alright, I admit I haven’t exactly been the most responsible archangel. I’ll own that. I’m an asshole. I’m lazy. I’m a coward. I run away from my problems and get my kick out of punishing people that I think deserve it based on my own metrics.”

“At least he admits it,” Dean muttered.

“Shut it, Winchester, adults are talking. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Now, I know I’m not the most responsible being in the universe but you know who’s even worse about that? God. He’s the one that fucked off ages ago and left you to run Heaven on your own. And you still want to play along with his little story when He’s not even around to watch it go down? Come on, Lucy, you’ve gotta hate that plan more than I do.”

“He will come back when we bring Paradise,” Michael said, ever the practical one.

“You say that like I’d let you win,” Lucifer snarked. “And who’s to say He would? Father stopped caring about us as soon as He made the humans. And I’m not doing this to play into His plan; I just want the earth restored to what it was before these monkeys wrecked it.”

“Again with this sympathy for the Devil crap,” Dean muttered. 

“Shut up!” all three archangels commanded.

“The point remains, Gabriel,” Michael continued, “You really have no room to speak on this. All the pieces were put in motion eons ago. This is just the way it has to happen. No one can do anything to change that.”

“That doesn’t really line up with the whole ‘free will’ thing, now does it?” Dean snarked.

“That’s enough out of you!” Lucifer rounded on Dean.

It was easy to forget how strong Lucifer was. It had been so long since any other angel had seen him at his full strength, even his closest brothers had forgotten. Even now that he’d been out of the Cage and found his true vessel, he wasn’t all that intimidating to the ones who knew him best.

How easy it was to forget how brightly his grace shone when he was full of righteous anger. Even Gabriel had to shield his eyes. Even Michael had to step back. He truly was the Morningstar.

Cordell screamed at Gabriel to do something, anything to protect his brother. But, despite his insistence on coming here, Gabriel couldn’t. He couldn’t move against Lucifer. Never could.

He was, in the end, still a coward. Always would be when it came to his brothers. Some things never changed.

So Lucifer beat Dean near to a pulp. Gabriel did nothing to stop him. Michael did nothing to stop him.

Then, to everyone’s surprise, Sam did something to stop him.

Gabriel noticed Lucifer’s grace dimming first as Sam fought his way to the surface. Sam stopped the beating and reached into his pocket for the key. The key to the Cage.

“Don’t worry, Dean. I’ve got him.”

The Cage opened with a roar and the wind picked up as it tried to suck Lucifer back in. Just as Sam was ready to fall in, Michael ran forward to stop him. If Gabriel didn’t know any better, he might say Michael was worried for Lucifer.

Cordell reached for his brothers; Adam was the only one he could grab. Gabriel watched in horror as both his brothers fell into the pit and Cordell cried out for Sam.

Then, just like that, the door to the Cage closed and the ground sealed up as if nothing was ever there.

Cordell stood, staring at the spot where his brother once stood. Sam- his brother, his twin, his other half- was gone. In Hell. He felt frozen in his grief, barely even registering Gabriel’s voice in his head.

He knew he had to talk to Dean. He knew he needed to figure out what to do about Adam. He knew he needed to call his family. But he also needed to grieve.

“Sam,” he whispered, tears silently falling down his face.

He felt a presence next to him; he didn’t even need to look to know his older brother was there, staring at the ground and thinking the same things he was. He wanted to reach out, comfort Dean. But he didn’t know how. Even if there wasn’t this gap between them, sowed by anger and abandonment, what does one even say in this situation.

Eventually, the silence got to be too much to bear. “Dean-”

“I’m fine,” his brother said robotically. “Why don’t you just go? Go home to your wife and that apple pie life of yours? You don’t need to be here.”

The words cut him deeper than any knife could hope to. But Cordell couldn’t argue. “I’m sorry,” was all he could say before walking away.

A small distance away, he saw his half-brother, no longer commandeered by Michael, speaking to a dark-haired figure (An angel, Castiel, Gabriel supplied) before the other disappeared in a flash. Adam looked at the ground, dejected. Alone.

Cordell sighed and made his way over. “Do you have anywhere to go? I can give you a lift.”

Adam shook his head. “I used to. But then I died.” He laughed bitterly. “I shouldn’t even be here. I only agreed to this crap because the angels promised they’d bring my mom back. But…” He threw his hands up. “Guess that’s not happening.”

Cordell nodded. “Why don’t you come home with me for now? We’ve got a spare bed for you until you figure out what you want to do. If that’s okay with you.”

“I guess I don’t have that many other options, do I?” Adam scoffed. “Where’s home anyway?”

“Austin, Texas.” Cordell clapped him on the shoulder. “Come on. We’ll grab some burgers on the way.”

“Yes, please. I’m fucking starving.”

Cordell chuckled and led him away. Then, he remembered Gabriel had flown them there. “Gabe-”

Relax, Cowboy. I’m on it.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

103 of 2025

What is your nickname?

Jelle.

When is your birthday?

25 April.

What was your longest relationship?

Current one, 7 years and counting.

What is your favorite book?

I don't have favourites. I will read just anything and then decide if I liked it or not.

What is something you're insecure about?

Myself as a whole.

5 Male celebrity crushes

No.

5 Female celebrity crushes

Nope.

What is your dream job?

Anything that has to do with trains. I build trains for living, but being a train conductor or a train driver would be amazing as well. Sadly, I can't do these due to my poor health.

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

Recovering from brain haemorrhage that would kill most of people and leave the rest non-functional. It was a big luck.

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

See above. Until they see how my hand moves, almost no one believes I'm a stroke survivor.

What were your highs and lows for this last month?

Highs was coming back to work, my cat, my friends who never disappoint me. The major low was that my dad still didn't start therapy. This month he will, I hope.

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

Finland, no questions.

How do you de-stress?

I interact with my kitty Susie. She's a purry little furball that brings joy to us. Also, I go and visit my hometown.

What are your favorite apps besides Tumblr?

YouTube and KiwiSDR. Radio noise for life.

Describe yourself in one sentence.

What do you think makes you attractive?

Probably kindness. I think I'm too nerdy for average people lol.

What is something you're really good at?

Trains and the radio. Special interests, be like.

What is something you're really bad at?

Verbal expression.

A time that you told a lie.

Can't remember. I'm not good at lying.

What's a totally random and useless fact that you know?

Maybe useless, but cute nonetheless: cheetahs and cougars can purr and meow.

Who knows you the best?

My husband and my sister.

What is your most prized possession?

Financially, my laptop. Sentimentally, everything that belonged to my late cat Victoria and all the framed photos of her. I was blessed to have her in my life.

What is your longest friendship?

Probably with Nielsje. First friendship, then relationship, then friendship again. I'm happy I haven't lost him for good.

When did you first feel like an adult?

When I started earning my own money.

Do you/ Have you played any sports?

Yes, I was a semi-professional basketball player in my youth. Then I got diagnosed with Marfans and all my career took a dump. I still mourn it, but oh well. I'm glad I'm alive.

How are you feeling right now?

Chill. Music in headphones, cat and husband next to me doing each their own thing (he's playing Call of Duty and she's cleaning herself on a chair), cinnamon breads next to me. I'm about to take a shower and continue taking surveys.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Rather an early bird. It gets ruined by me sleeping during the day, though.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. Somehow it doesn't make much sense to me to fall for someone you don't even know. Maybe the reason is that I've never experienced it.

Favorite song lyrics right now?

Oh my, too many. I'm gonna go with these, though:

"It's in my heart, it's in your soul You choose to judge, s that your role? Don't analyze or complicate You'll criticize, you can't relate And now you want some understanding What's my point of view?

Then I'll just fade away When I hear all your lies, I choke Then I'll just fade away Suffering from the times you spoke I fade"

What does self care look like for you?

Surveys, visiting my hometown, walks on the beach, my cat, train trips, chasing trains (and handsome train conductors :D), music, just all that.

Describe yourself with 3 singers.

Do lead singers of bands count? If so, then Nick Holmes from Paradise Lost, Jonas Renkse from Katatonia, and probably Amy Lee from Evanescence. Not voice-like, though. She's a woman, after all. :P my choice was based on their personalities and the content they sing about.

What makes you nervous?

Public speaking, phone calls, small talk with strangers, sudden changes of plans, odd numbers, health and financial concerns, conflicts, darkness, silence, both darkness and silence combined, textures of crunchy food (major sensory problem for me), dentists, being misunderstood, worrying about being misunderstood, my own speech (it's impaired after stroke), and I'm also paranoid about being possibly stinky or something.

What’s a pet peeve you have?

Oh my, I have so many. But my biggest one will always be interrupting when someone else is speaking. You just don't do that okay?

What will always make you cry?

I'm not easy to cry, but I will always mourn the passing of my Victoria. She was my favourite cat of all cats I've ever had.

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

That I'm a weirdo. Wouldn't surprise me a bit.

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Dean feared losing Jack and Cas more than losing Mary

SPN Orange Motif in 14x18

There orange motif showed up repeatedly, but STOPPED after Dean finds out Mary is dead for sure.

This post is split into Parts A and B. This post specifically analyzes color used in 14x18 to focus the viewer on Dean’s feelings. Part A focuses on fleshing out Dean’s complicated feelings and guilt in 14x19.

I’ve been posting a fair amount about this orange motif theory in spn - It crops up when Dean is afraid of loss, grieving Castiel, or fearing loss generally. Things get really interesting in Absence when Dean’s facing the possibility of loss of, well, everything.

Weirdly - the orange light effect goes in and out throughout the episode. Once he knows Mary is dead, Dean’s face isn’t cast with the usual orange he gets treated with whenever he’s facing a lose, keeping that veneer of stoicism with an eruption held just below the surface.

Dean is still colored orange repeatedly - but when he is fearing loss.  Not so much when he has actually confirmed his loss of Mary.  Dean is lit in orange when Dean he’s still unsure. But the orange in this episode was concentrated on his fear of losing Castiel and Jack, rather than on Mary. 

Dean mourning the loss of Family in the form of Jack and Cas, instead of Mary. Detailed scene by scene analysis under the cut

There orange motif show up repeatedly, but STOPS after Dean finds out Mary is dead for sure.

Orange - 

When the boys are in the Impala together worrying about Mary and Jack. Dean’s face lights up with orange specifically when Sam is talking about what Jack did to Felix the snake. 

We see it in reference to the family he’s made. See part A of this post entirely about meta analysis of Dean’s grief in this episode here because OYE FEELINGS.

Scene transitions when Jack thinks about his memories with Mary.

We see it on Rowena’s face when she knows that Mary is not on earth.

The entire scene and particularly Dean’s face are lit up orange when he’s worrying about what Jack did, and when Dean tells Cas that if Jack killed Mary that Cas is dead to him.

Castiel talks about Jack and how “He was good for us” while looking directly at Dean and then the camera cuts to Dean, looking away (oh my heart!)

We see it on Jack’s face when he is afraid of losing his family and desperately trying to find a way to bring Mary back. 

When Dean and Sam find Nick’s body  - and learn what Jack did to him.

Mixed - The tone only, (See top of post)

Sam tries to tell Dean that it’s as much Sam’s fault as Cas’s, and Dean admits that he had a warning about Jack from Donatello, it’s his fault too.

Cas tells J2 that Mary is in heaven. 

Sam tells Dean and Cas that Rowena says Mary can’t be revived.

Not Orange -  The orange is gone in the harsh light of day.

When they found the site of Mary’s death, the blast site

Dean cradle’s Mary’s body.

Orange - The scene transitions only from Dean’s memory in B&W to him holding her body.

The scene and Dean’s face aren’t even orange when he’s standing in front of the funeral pyre, where Dean’s face would usually be lit by fire. 

So why?  Why is this motif noticeably absent when Dean is sure Mary is dead?

The original theory from this tweet was that Dean’s face is orange specifically when he is worried about losing Cas.  And that tracks. Maybe it’s because he is mourning the loss of Family in the form of Jack and Cas, instead of Mary.   The show is delineating what Dean is grieving: Loss of Destiel Family - Dadstiel rather than of Mary.  

Maybe it’s because Dean’s grieving Mary as a whole person now, not likening all other losses to losing his ideal of her when he was just a child anymore.   As an adult it is expected to lose one’s parents, but not one’s found family, child, and husband. 

Maybe it’s because he’s expressing emotions on the outside now, at least in private.

... Maybe it’s because there was never intended to be an orange motif it was actually all just the result of the show only allowing feelings at night in front of a fire or in the Impala and the show is only good when it’s an accident.  [sigh] We may never know.

I would like your opinions.  Was this ongoing motif a meaningful choice on the part of supernatural? or a result of moments of turmoil always coinciding with funeral pyres, holy fire, and late night talks in the impala rather than storytelling intention?  

Peep Part 1 - all the feels, all the jacting gifs, none of the color theory. 

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Lease On Love by Falon Ballard

I can’t resist a new rom-com and I am a complete magpie for covers like this. I didn’t need the read a synopsis to know that I’d be in for a light, fluffy experience and of course, I was right!

Sadie Green has spent an inordinate amount of time working herself to the bone at a finance firm to get a promotion. However, she has just been passed over for it in favour of the boss’ son-in-law and now she’s completely jobless. During a drunken night out with her best friends, she mistakes a roommate search app for a dating app, which brings her to Jack Thomas’ Brooklyn brownstone. Jack is still deep in mourning for his parents and isn’t a huge fan of socialising but he has a feeling that the chaotic, bubbly Sadie could be good for him. So, he offers her a room in the brownstone and Sadie is finally free to realise her floristry dreams. And she may just be about to realise something else too... that Jack is actually pretty cute.

Sadie’s friendship group is made up of snarky teacher Gem, calm and collected lawyer Harley and the very loveable, handsome, finance guy Nick. I loved all of her friends as individuals and together. Their group chat had me laughing several times and by the end, I really felt like they were my friends too. Initially, I thought that Sadie and Nick would end up together due to rom-com predictability but as time went by, it became clear that we weren’t going down that route and I was so happy! Ballard does an amazing job of writing lovely, authentic adult friendships and they were a joy to spend time with. 

The opening chapter will resonate with any female reader who has ever been labelled ‘emotional’ for being rightly outraged by injustice. My mouth fell open when Sadie lost her promotion and the fact that when she voiced her anger about it, her job was swiped away from her spelt out that sexism is very much alive and well. This is reality for many women in corporate industries and it’s truly disgusting. I knew that this was an indication that Sadie was destined for bigger things though and I was excited to read on and see her journey.

An apartment in Jack’s brownstone is a thing of true beauty. I’m at an age now where beautifully presented flats and houses are hugely exciting to me, so I definitely felt the wonder that Sadie felt on entering the building. I wanted to settle down, fill it with books and let the day just pass me by. It’s exactly the safe haven that Sadie needed and I loved spending time in it with her.

Sadie and Jack go through quite a rigorous will-they-won’t-they thing and there were times when I wasn’t sure that they’d end up together. They do have a solid friendship throughout the book and I wondered whether that would be the end of it. However, they share such an intense chemistry and are perfect for each other, so I held out hope. I knew it would be a long process but I was here for the slow burn!

Lease On Love is a funny, relatable rom-com with some lovely characters and more than one pairing to ship. It is heartwarming and smile-inducing while also touching on the more serious things that make up flawed humans. There are parts that are quite sickly sweet, so if you’re not a fan of cutesy stuff, Sadie and Jack may be a bit much for you at times. However, if you love unique meet-cutes and hilarious friend groups, it’s certainly worth a try.

[wingedwalls]

Teen Wolf Season 1 from Derek’s POV

So I actually think Derek’s character is very consistently written, and that seasons 1 and 2 are examples of excellent writing (I know, shocker of an unpopular opinion around here 😂). I've been thinking about Derek's portrayal, and what the story looks like from his perspective, and it's like a different show altogether, so I thought I'd share.

Let’s take a moment to think about The Story So Far, from Derek’s POV:

• Derek was an arrogant jock brought up in a loving but very large family (ie used to a certain level of independence, and who would need to really act up for any adult other than Uncle Peter to pay attention and get involved).

• Not going to go into the Paige thing at this point, in case anyone reading this has only seen season 1.

• Falls for Kate, who takes advantage of him and eventually burns down his house, with all of his family in it except one of his sisters. Comes back from school to find his home burnt down, his family dead, and puts two and two together in his mind. What would young Derek have learned from that? A few things: don’t trust people, ever. It makes you too vulnerable. Don’t let people in, it puts you and yours in literal danger. It’s All His Fault and he basically killed his family. And - Seduction is power.

• Moves to New York and tries to get over this trauma. Probably doesn’t get very far, since the number one lesson he learned in his life is Don’t Let People In. He becomes a very angry person.

• Eventually Laura tells him she’s off to Beacon Hills to investigate. This is probably not something that came out of the blue, rather she was probably investigating the cause of the fire as a way of coping with her grief. Not only does Derek not have that, he had to spend 6 years watching her do that, knowing that he was responsible for their deaths (in his mind), and not being able to say anything. Either she wouldn’t figure it out, and he would feel guilty forever, or she would, and she would hate him forever. He lived with this eating him up for 6 years. Then off to Beacon Hills she goes, saying she’s close to figuring something out, but not telling Derek why.

• Then she goes radio silent. Derek has no reason to equate this radio silence with anything other than “she found out it was me, and now she hates me.” But Laura is literally all he has. So he goes to Beacon Hill the next morning, to try and explain. Instead, he finds half of her dead body in the woods. That’s the dead body of the last person who ever cared about him. (Not counting Peter - because while Derek cares for Peter, who was arguably his closest family member before the fire, he doesn’t expect him to ever recover). Laura is dead, and it’s probably hunters, and the only way to not let guilt and grief take over is to focus on his anger. He takes Laura back to the burnt out husk of his family home, and buries her under the family symbol for revenge.

• Literally within a few hours of him finding Laura’s body, two people come sniffing around the exact scene of the crime. He goes to check it out - it’s clear they’ve been here before (he found the inhaler) but it’s also clear they’re not hunters. They’re useless teenagers. One of them smells like a wolf. He tells them to fuck off.

• These two kids might not have been hunters, but there’s something weird going on with them. So he stalks them to try and find out what’s going on.

• Turns out this Scott kid was newly bitten. There’s something else going on here - an alpha who isn’t Laura. He’s apparently turning people, making new wolves. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? He’s not sure.

• But things are getting more complicated - the Argents are back. Not Kate, no, thank god, but her brother and his kid. And Scott is making all of the same mistakes he used to make - he needs to stop this before it all blows up in his face.

• Before he gets a chance to get his mind around any of this, let alone mourn the loss of his sister whose body he just discovered a couple of days ago, shit hits the fan and those asshole teenagers GET HIM ARRESTED FOR LAURA’S MURDER. That’s what he gets for not being distrustful enough of people. These idiots are going around like they know everything, when it’s clear they know NOTHING. He tells them exactly that.

• There’s not enough evidence, and so after this utterly humiliating experience, they let him go. Despite this, nobody doubts for a second that Derek is guilty.

• The one saving grace in this situation is that the Argents don’t know he’s here. But Scott is still making all the same mistakes Derek made in the past. And so Derek, who hasn’t had a single friend in literal YEARS, is poorly socialised, and has only ever had the great example of Peter as a mentor, actually tries to take Scott under his wing. He really, really *tries*. He just sucks at it.

• Scratch that, the Argents know he’s here, and they know who he is. He was just minding his own business at the service station when Argent tried to intimidate him and smashed up his car.

• This rogue alpha situation is becoming a problem, so Derek begins to go out at night and look for him.

• One such night he’s out tracking the alpha, there’s a commotion. The alpha attacks a car. As Derek moves to get closer, he gets shot in the leg. Uh oh. Hopefully it’ll heal. He slinks back to the preserve and his burnt out husk of a house.

• Well, shit. It was a Wolfsbane bullet. It’s not healing. That is NOT good. He needs help, or he’s going to die.

• Derek has not asked for help in a very long time. Not as a teenager, when it would’ve made him look weak, and not since the fire, because he literally doesn’t trust anyone enough to help. But this time he’s completely alone. And if he doesn’t get help, he’s going to die. SCOTT. Scott can help. He’s been helping Scott, so Scott owes him. He’s an idiot, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Scott needs his help, so Scott needs him alive, so Scott will help.

• Scott doesn’t care. Derek makes him to the school, barely conscious, and asks Scott’s peer - Jackson - where he is. That asshole won’t even tell him. He tries to carry on but pretty much passes out in the corridor. He’s literally on the brink of death in a building full of people, and is actively asking for help, and NOBODY CARES. NOBODY even STOPS.

• Eventually he makes it out, finds Scott and his friend, and they tell him to fuck off. Seriously?! He passes out again. Scott is like “Stiles, you deal with him, I don’t have time for this shit.” And leaves. They keep joking about letting him die.

• For all the nasty comments, that kid driving the jeep is the only one who actually hasn’t left him to die. Scratch that, he wants to dump him at his house and ditch him. His house with no locks where everyone who wants him dead knows to find him. Derek starts to panic.

• Derek has hours left to live and nobody is helping. Even though he has made it simple for them and told them exactly how to help. Scott, the one person he thought might care, is literally taking his time having dinner with his abusers’ daughter instead of doing the one thing that can save his life. Fuck it, he’s just going to cut off his own arm.

• Scott makes it back with the bullet in the nick of time. Fuck people.

• To add insult to injury, Derek has a run in with Chris at the service station and he smashes up his car.

• Derek is back at home, minding his own business, when the literal worst thing that could possibly happen happens. KATE ARGENT shows up in his home. The last time she was here, she was burning his family alive. She shows up with guns, incapacitates him, taunts him about his dead sister, his dead family, tries to pump him for information, and when none is forthcoming and it becomes clear he’s “outlived his usefulness” - she tries to kill him.

• Derek runs. The house isn’t safe anymore.

• Derek still tries. He tries to make an ally out of Scott. He’s the only non-psychopathic werewolf left in Beacon Hills. Derek has no pack, no one. They’re stronger and safer together. If only he would stop being such an idiot.

• His search for the alpha points to Deaton. The guy clearly knows things. Things about him. He is not forthcoming with information. Derek has no time for this shit. He roughs him up a bit. Unfortunately, Scott picks that night to come up with the stupidest plan EVER and apparently decides to broadcast his existence to all of Beacon Hills. Aaand then he gets mauled by the alpha.

• To add insult to injury, when he comes to Derek finds out that Scott has thrown him under the bus by telling the fucking sheriff that he, Derek Hale, trapped a bunch of kids at the school, kept them hostage, and killed a man. Great. Now all of beacon hills wants him dead. Back to being on the run. It’s not like his home is a safe place to stay anyway.

• He needs help, but the last time he asked for help that didn’t go so well. Scott didn’t give a shit. A building full of people left him for dead in the corridors and no one stopped. He passed out on the road and the only reaction people showed was annoyance at stopping the traffic. Actually, you know who did help? That Stiles kid. He’s probably Derek’s best bet if he needs a safe place to crash.

• Stiles has a lead - he can hear them talking about it. That other guy doesn’t want to help. Apparently Stiles is the king of brilliant ideas, and an improvised strip tease is exactly what it takes for that Danny guy to help them. (Again, what did Derek learn? Seduction is power.)

• Things are not looking good. Their one lead seems to point to... Scott’s mother? They need to think about this.

• If the hunters didn’t kill Laura... then the alpha did. An alpha more powerful than Laura? Derek doesn’t want to let the hope bloom in his chest, but maybe another one from his family got out? Survived the fire? But then why aren’t they coming for him? Why Scott?

• They need to talk to Peter. Surprisingly, Stiles appears to have a decent sense of priorities and skips his Lacrosse game to help with this.

• Bad news. Peter is the alpha. Uncle Peter. Uncle Peter has recovered?! What?! And now he’s killing people?! He killed Laura?! He attacked him?! Act now, think later. That Stiles kid is in danger, he needs to get him out of harm’s way first.

• After a fight, Derek and Peter have a heart to heart. This is huge. Derek isn’t alone in the world after all. He *does* have family. He wasn’t in control before. He was angry. Derek can understand that. Maybe things can be okay after all... they need to talk to Scott.

• They go to the school, and Peter does something Derek didn’t know was possible. He sticks his claws in Scott’s neck as a way of sharing memories. Well, shit. This reminds Derek of something, but he can’t quite figure out what.

• He feels a bit more powerful now. A bit safer, knowing he’s got someone else on his side. He can go back to the Hale house.

• Scott is at Derek’s house when the hunters attack. This is bad. They’re probably going to take him - he barely got away last time. But he can’t let them get to Scott. He has to protect Scott. So he buys him time. As a last-minute decision, he takes Scott’s phone. Hopefully someone can figure it out. Use it to track him. That Stiles kid is pretty smart. Maybe he can figure it out.

• Derek is held prisoner and tortured by Kate. On his own property. I don’t think I need to go over this - what you see is what you get. Kate shows him off to Allison like he’s some circus animal, and Allison barely reacts with anything but fear. She voices all the guilt and self-loathing and resentment he’s kept to himself for 6 years. He gets physically and emotionally tortured. For days. In his own basement.

• Derek only got caught because he was buying Scott some time to get away. When he hears Scott’s howl he thinks maybe he might have a chance of getting away after all. Except then Scott shows up and refuses to help him out. Derek is seriously freaking out. Kate could be back at any point. They can talk about this later, but he needs to leave NOW.

• Eventually Derek breaks himself out, fuelled by the mix of relief and panic that came with Scott’s appearance. Wait, Scott might actually be saying something important. Now that he’s free he can pay attention. Shit, Scott might be right. Peter didn’t lose control and kill Laura in a moment of confusion. He lured her here. It was premeditated murder. Peter MURDERED his sister.

• Barely does he make it back to the house before Allison and Kate show up to kill him and Scott. Scott won’t listen to him, won’t listen to any of his advice. Kate shoots him. Everyone there leaves him for dead. And this is the sad thing - if Derek did die, right here right now, no one would mourn him. No one would miss him. No one. At all. He’s completely alone.

• By the time he comes to, Stiles and Jackson are on the scene and Peter is being burned alive. Again. It’s a horrible sight, but this time the thought of Peter murdering his only family left alive is worse. Derek wants revenge. Scott asks him to let him do it. But fuck Scott. He’s spent weeks trying to help him, WEEKS, and for what? To die alone in a ditch, with all of Beacon Hills wanting him dead. He wants revenge, yes. But what he needs right now, also, more than anything, is a pack. He needs to not be alone. And so he needs to be the alpha. He kills Peter.

I find it interesting when people say that Derek is intended to be the villain or the antagonist in this season, because to me that really isn't the case. He's more of a red herring than anything. Scott may see him as a threat, but if you actually look at things from his perspective, he actually goes OUT OF HIS WAY to help Scott and Stiles, over and over again, and gets nothing but shit for it.

[profoundnet]

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR OCTOBER 2019!

Featuring works from @saywhatjessie, @mittensmorgul, ArielAquariel, @doespeterparkerisgay, @banshee1013, @andimeantittosting, Erratus, @cool-fallen-angel, @malallory, @castielslostwings, @nickelkeep, @bringmefleshandbringmewine, @sarasaurussex, iCeDreams, @emiliaoagi, @leafzelindor and @rauko-is-a-free-elf!

Masterpost below the cut.

JessJesstheBest - @saywhatjessie​ - JessJesstheBest

On The Line (T, 23k)

“Well, can I scam you?” Dean’s spoon was frozen, forgotten, halfway between his bowl and his mouth. “Did you just ask if you could scam me?” “Yes.” The guy said, cool as anything. “Can I scam you?”

Or the one where Cas is a scam caller and Dean just keeps intercepting his calls.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Human AU, Scam Caller au

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul​ - MittenWraith

Lifetime Piling Up (E, 59k)

Cas is having a bad day. He burned his bagel, missed his ride to work and had to run to the hospital in the pouring rain, and then witnessed his attending accidentally kill a patient during a routine surgery. Now he might be on the hook for his boss’s mistake, but was it really a mistake, or is he the next target of Dr. Nick Morningstar’s sick mind games?

Dean is also having a bad day. His brother nearly set his kitchen on fire, he’s training a new apprentice in his tattoo shop, and then he gets a mysterious call that Sam needs a ride to the hospital after a freak accident in the pouring rain left him with an injured shoulder. A chance encounter at the hospital leads Dean and Cas to each other after a decade of coincidences and premonitions, and suddenly their worst day might become the foundation for all of their best. A story of choice and destiny, and the power of found family, foretold through uncanny tattoos.

Tags: AU-modern setting, tattoo artist!Dean, surgeon!Cas, angst and fluff and smut

ArielAquariel - ArielAquariel

Quoth the Raven (G, 6k)

Dean Winchester didn’t believe in the occult. Werewolves were a myth, Nessie was a hallucination, and bigfoot was just a large hairy man who enjoyed strolling naked through the woods. He thought that crystals were a load of shit, and a smudge stick would do nothing but make your house smell like burnt sage. He didn’t believe in God, let alone ghosts. Finally, and he was 100% sure on this one, he didn’t believe in witches. Or Wicca. Or whatever they wanted to call it. His point? Everything could be explained. That is, everything but the dark-haired man walking through campus with a spellbook and a raven for a familiar…

Tags: Misunderstandings, Fluff, Pining Dean Winchester, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - College/University, Meet-Cute, Animal Lover Castiel (Supernatural)

vicktick - @doespeterparkerisgay​ - vicktick

two bros, arguing about who would top cause they're not gay (but they are) (T, 3.5k)

“No, I’m telling you, I would be the top if we were gay together.”

Oh, Twitter was going to love this: ‘my brother and his “best friend” are currently arguing about who would top if they were “gay together”. i was pretty sure they already were gay together.’

Tags: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Sam is a Little Shit, Supportive John Winchester

banshee1013 - @banshee1013​ - Banshee1013

Suptober Art/Fic (NSFW)

Art and accompanying ficlets to answer Suptober 2019 prompts.

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Depression, Temporary Character Death, Nightmare, Crossover/Fandom Fusion

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting​ - andimeantittosting

I Will Hang My Head Low (M, 22.5k)

Dean Winchester gave up hunting when his brother became the prophesied Boy King of Hell. Now he ekes out a meager living, chopping wood for a nearby village, until one snowy night, he follows what appears to be a falling star, and encounters an injured angel. Afterwards, he tries to put the strange night from his mind.

When he meets Castiel, a mysterious man with healing powers, they form an instant connection, and the more Dean learns of Castiel's powers—to heal, to protect, to purify—the more he begins to hope that Sam can be saved. But as they prepare to save Sam, Castiel grows sick, and then sicker still. Too late, Dean learns how much Castiel is willing to sacrifice for him.

Inspired by the Decemberists' Crane Wife and the Japanese myth on which it is based.

Tags: Temporary Major Character Death, Fairytale/Folktale AU, Sick Castiel, Grief/Mourning, Castiel's Wings, Angst With a Happy Ending

Tentacletober Fills (E, 7k)

A collection of short fills for Tentacletober prompts.

Tags: Tentacles, Consentacles, Oviposition

Erratus - Erratus

A Concerned Brother (T, 2k)

When Sam walks in on Dean and Castiel, he left worried if Castiel understands enough about human relationships.

Tags: Coming out, established relationship, canon verse, mentions of sex but no sex, Sam is concerned for Cas

Watching Over You (T, 4k)

Castiel has always been watching over Dean, keeping him alive. Even if Dean doesn't know it, he's been there.

Tags: Suicidal thoughts/attempt, pre-canon, pre-slash, Cas with different vessels, sad and hurt Dean

cool-fallen-angel - @cool-fallen-angel​

Halloween Costumes (NSFW)

I drew this piece for Winchester-reload's 2019 suptoberart challenge, day 31: Halloween

Tags: Halloween, halloween costumes, lingerie, angel costume, playboy costume, blushy Cas, suptoberart, sexy boyfriends

malallory - @malallory​

DeanCas "Funeral Bell" graphic (SFW)

Graphic created for the All Ships Creations Challenge under the theme "spooky"

Tags: 15x03

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings​ - Castielslostwings

Wants and Needs (M, 6.5k)

From a prompt in the Destiel Port FB Group! "Asexual Incubus!Cas and Demisexual Vamp!Dean"

Asexual!Incubus!Cas who has to have sex to feed to stay alive and has always resented it, until he meets Demi!vampire!Dean and discovers that being fed on... actually turns him on, and makes feeding not feel miserable for the first time ever. Imagine Ace!incubus!Cas starving for a long time because he can't stomach the thought of having sex, and then here comes Demi!vamp!Dean feeding on Cas, giving him gratification he thought can only be gained from having sex.

And, you know, they live happily ever after.

Tags: Asexual Castiel, Incubus Castiel, Vampire Dean, Demisexual/Demiromantic Dean, Hungry Castiel, Depressed Castiel, Biting/Blood Drinking, Lonely Castiel, Intimacy, Sweet Dean Winchester.

The Luck You Got (E, 90k)

Castiel and Dean grew up together. Both from broke, broken homes, falling in love was easy - until Dean’s father whisked him away. Years later, Cas is still living the struggle, selling his body to keep a roof over his siblings' heads and using drugs to get by. When Dean returns as a fully grown adult (and a paramedic at that) with his kid-brother-turned-lawyer in tow, Castiel can’t help feeling as if they’re picking up exactly where they left off. Falling swiftly in love all over again but used to only having himself to rely on, he struggles to let Dean in. When Gabriel gets arrested and takes a major source of the family’s income down with him, Castiel struggles to cope and leans on drugs and prostitution instead of Dean. Determined not to lose him for a second time, Dean fights to drag Castiel back from the claws of addiction and the brink of death, no matter what it takes. With help from friends, family, and Dean, Castiel finds himself working towards something for the first time ever, determined to choose life, love, and something more than what the city has always told him is all he has to offer.

Tags: Getting Back Together, Childhood Sweethearts, Neighbors, Poverty, Drug Addiction & Recovery, Sex Worker Castiel, Firefighter/Paramedic Dean, Angst & Fluff & Smut, Happy Ending, Romance.

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

‘Cause My Monsters Are Real (T, 8k)

"It's great," Garth responding, grabbing a chair and sliding it over. "Bess is in her glory, and the little one is doing awesome. I love her so much." He smiled a toothy grin that didn't quite meet his eyes. "I'm not here about me, though. I debated coming at all, cause I know how sacred our Fridays are, but I figured you'd want to be prepared."

Sam leaned around Rowena, his arm draped over her shoulder, "What do you mean he'd want to be prepared?"

"You too, Sam. This affects both of you. It literally just happened." Garth hung his head like a kicked puppy. "So, I was back in today, filling out my paperwork to start back up on Monday. And I overheard it."

"Spit it out, Wolfman." Dean leaned his chair back on two legs, foot resting on the table.

"Magda's getting her own room. Emma's getting a new person in the room. They're splitting you two up." Garth looked pathetically at Dean. "You're getting a new partner."

Dean instinctively kicked out, sending him backward and onto the floor. "Ow. What?"

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, Kid Fic (kind of), There is Only One Under the Bed

And These Monsters Can Fight (E, 6.5k)

"You think I want to keep her here against her wishes?" Bobby shook his head vehemently. "She'd be one hell of a creature if she were one, but she should go back to the human world. There's a problem that you didn't think of."

"What's that?" Dean spat.

"Dean," Sam softly interjected. "The angels may not want or need Claire anymore because she can no longer be an angelic host, but she is still tied to a source of grace." They all looked at the Fallen.

"I can protect myself!" Claire spoke up. "What do you think I had to do when Castiel couldn't come to me thanks to the stupid rules you all have in place!?"

"Can you protect yourself from three or four or five angels?" Bobby stared at her. "I'll give you one or two, you're a spitfire. But they want him. They're not going to take it light and risk losing a couple when they need all hands on board."

"So what? You want to keep her here?" Dean asked.

Tags: AU - Creatures & Monsters, Story Continuation, Shapeshifter Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human/Monster Society, There is only one under the bed.

Carry Me Home (E, 7k)

"You weren't a scout." Cas opened the laptop and pulled up YouTube. In the search bar, he typed in stopping a squeaking door. He moved the cursor over the first video; from a channel called Impala Repairs. "This looks right." He clicked on the link and grabbed his coffee.

Hey there, and welcome to another quick how-to video with Impala Repairs! I'm your host, D.W., and in today's episode, I'm going to show you the best way to stop a door's hinges from squeaking.

Gabe reached over and pushed up on Cas' chin. "Cassie? You alive over there?"

Cas nodded.

"You need a global reboot?"

Cas pulled his eyes off the screen and shot his brother a look that could kill. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means," Gabe reached over and took Cas' coffee, "that you were A, so infatuated with Old Green Eyes on the screen there, you almost dumped your coffee on yourself, and B, you have no idea how to fix the door."

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Handyman Dean, Professor Castiel, Sneaky Brothers, Conspiring Sam and Gabriel, Strangers to Lovers, Crush at First Sight

Like a Burning Flame (E, 8.5k)

"No, no, no." Dean shot up from under his pile of Ikea cardboard. "There's no fire here. The smoke alarm is disabled, we're seasoning our ovens."

The firefighter removed his helmet and mask, taking Dean's breath away as though he had actually inhaled smoke. "Seasoning Ovens?" He cocked his eyebrow, his bright blue eyes shining in confusion. "And that requires smoke billowing out of the back of your building?"

Dean's mouth failed to move, entranced as he was with the gorgeous man in a firefighter's uniform in front of him. Charlie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Call your guys off so nothing is destroyed by water, and we'll show you." She turned the firefighter back to the entrance and waited 'til he was outside before smacking Dean. "Rush your blood back to your head, will you?"

Tags: AU - Coffee Shops and Firefighters, Baker Dean, Firefighter Castiel, Strangers to Lovers, Uniform Kink, Panty Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Dom/Sub Undertones, Bad BDSM Etiquette

For the Last Time (E, 37k) - co-created with @little-crazy-misha-minion

It's been three years since Dean's had any kind of vacation. Until now. Sam and Eileen gift him a cruise as a thank you for all the things he's done for Sam, for them, for the whole family. A week away at sea seems like an ideal vacation. Still, when your name is Dean Winchester, and nothing in your life has ever gone your way, it looks like a disaster waiting to happen. Can a new friend help him turn his luck around and help him navigate the rough waters?

Tags: AU - Cruises, Closeted Bi Dean Winchester, Gay Castiel, LGBTQ Themes, Angst with a Happy Ending, NonCon Kissing (not Destiel), Anxiety/PTSD, Song Fic, Clubbing, DCBB2019

To Confess (E, 8.5k)

"So get this... We've got couples missing at a couples retreat the next state over."

"Which lovely lady you going with?" Dean uncrossed his arms and smacked Cas' hand away from the tablet so he could scroll through the article.

"Can't find one. Charlie's still not back. Jody's taking Donna on a hunt."

Cas looked up. "Well, there was a lesbian couple that went missing. You can choose a male partner."

"I was hoping you'd say that, Cas." Sam shot a look at Dean before smiling at Cas. "Will you do me the honor of being my fake husband for a case?"

"Excuse me?" Dean shot a look at Sam.

"Well, I'm not asking you, Dean." Sam shook his head. "That's... Yeah, no."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest again. "Why are you and Cas going? Cas is my best friend. He and I can pull it off better than you two can."

Tags: Canonverse, Case Fic, Idiots in Love, Fake Relationship, Breaking Up & Making up, Pray for Sam, Sam Winchester ships Destiel, Angst and Porn, Happy Ending

It’s About To Be Legendary (G, 1.5k)

"I don't want to kill a human!" Luna hissed, her whisper carrying softly so only her boyfriend could hear her. "If you mess up, you'll bring down hunters upon the pack." She whimpered. "You could bring the Winchesters upon us." Apollo stood up and turned around, his shoulders squaring out as he attempted to intimidate Luna into following his lead. "First of all, I'm not going going to fuck up, Lu. Have a little faith in your boyfriend. Second, the Winchesters are a myth. An urban legend. Something our parents tell us to make sure we follow Pack Law."

Tags: AU - Everyone Lives, Hunters and Hunting, Halloween Fic, Urban Legends

prolixdreams - @bringmefleshandbringmewine - prolixdreams

And The World Kept Turning (G, 4k)

It’s getting harder and harder to die.

Cigarettes disappeared off the market forty years past.

Proper alcohol, the poisonous kind, was banned almost immediately once a safer synthetic got a foothold in the market.

Every pill and patch is equipped with tiny computers to detect blood levels of a chemical and only release their payload when the concentration dips below a pre-set threshold, making overdose nearly impossible with anything obtained legally.

Even sweeteners are tightly regulated and highly taxed.

And now, January 17th, 2089, Castiel’s tablet feeds him another headline that promises longer, safer lives for all:

HUMAN-DRIVEN CARS FINALLY OFF ROADS FOR GOOD

Tags: Major Character Death (Implied/Referenced), Future Fic, Castiel drives the Impala

Sarasaurussex - @sarasaurussex - sarasaurussex

Sarasaurussex's Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober Masterlist (NSFW, contains multishipping)

This is all of my Supernatual art for Inktober, Suptober, and Profound Inktober. Mostly Destiel, but contains non-Destiel ships (Sabriel and Sastiel).

Dress For Success (E, 2k)

Written for the Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'clothing sharing'. Art commissioned by Purgatory-Jar!

Tags: Clothing Sharing Kink, Humor, Smut

Wherever I May Roam (E, 11.5k, contains multishipping)

Summary: Sam and Dean get sent to another TV Land that's slightly different than the last. In this version, Jensen and Misha are dating. Written for Supernatural Kink Bingo on tumblr. My prompt was 'roleplay'.

Tags: Destiel, Cockles, Dean x Misha, Dub-Con due to Identity Issues, Idiots to Lovers, First Time, Arguing, Fluff, Smut

iCeDreams - iCeDreams

Chasing Polaris (E, 52k) - co-created with Takai13sama

Dean Winchester feels closed-in with his life at the behemoth, Mary’s Ark. His father has set him up with an arranged marriage and is refusing to budge on Dean’s suggestions to improve the steam engines. So... he does the most obvious thing surly young men do: he runs away.

While leaving the steam capital, he inadvertently meets Emmanuel, a man with secrets of his own, intriguing Dean enough to offer him a ride to a common destination.

It’s a serendipitous encounter, a trip across the country, and a chance to find where they need to be.

Tags: Steampunk, Arranged Marriage, Road Trip, Running Away

EmiliaOagi - @emiliaoagi - EmiliaOagi

It’s How You Use It (M, 2.5k)

One night Castiel discovers Supernatural fanfiction. Then Dean walks in. Some very meta crack with a smidgen of smut. Based on a prompt from the Profound Bond Discord.

Tags: Smut, Humor, Meta, Crack

Goose!Dean Crack Post 1 (SFW)

Art inspired by Untitled Goose Game and a Discord prompt: goose!Dean playing a prank on a poor unsuspecting Sam.

Goose!Dean Crack Post 2 (SFW)

Goose!Dean really wants that burger. Cas disagrees.

LeafZelindor - @leafzelindor - 

Ink/Suptober collection (SFW)

Just the short collection of the destiel pics I did during Inktober/suptober.

Art for Crayons and Candybars (SFW)

Artwork done for the DCBB fic Crayons and Candybars, written by I. Franco

rauko-is-a-free-elf - @rauko-is-a-free-elf - FeaRauko

Ocean’s Brawl (M, 55k)

In a time of oppression, the Winchester brothers and their family of misfit pirates sail the seas attacking slave traders and offering the liberated passage to safe-havens, or–if they choose it–a home on the Impala as part of Team Free Will.

Dean meets Castiel, a Naval Captain with orders to enlist him and his band of honorable sea rovers as privateers. Dean refuses, but they end up working together when Castiel offers his vessel as transport for some rescued slaves. Castiel, in turn, travels with Dean as collateral to ensure there is no foul play.

Along the way, Castiel witnesses the horrors of slavery and begins to doubt his cause, even fighting alongside Dean against a French vessel–Castiel’s own people. Castiel comes to admire this wild crew and their kind hearts…perhaps falling for one man in particular.

Tags: pirate!Dean, naval officer!Cas, enemies to lovers, team free will, openly bi!Dean, demisexual!Cas, swashbuckling, battles, shanties

Rapunzel, Rapunzel (SFW)

Art for @diminuel‘s fic, Rapunzel, Rapunzel

Tags: Rapunzel!au, fairy tale!au, prince!Dean, witch!Cas

Bisexualdemondean - outfit (SFW)

Art created for bisexualdemondean in response to the question: "What if I just wanted to look sluttier?"

Tags: demon!dean art, bisexualdemondean art

Autumn - Eileen (SFW)

Art for Day 1 of winchester-reload's suptoberart challenge

Tags: Eileen Leahy

"Good Thing I'm Yours, Then" (SFW)

Art for winchester-reaload's suptober challenge: Day 3 - Royalty Inspired by @casbeanwrites‘ fic Kiss Me Where I Lay Down

Tags: servant!Dean, prince!cas, fic art

"Kids These Days" - Art for Clarity (SFW)

Destiel art for @aloha-cowgirl‘s fic Clarity

[dotthings]

Now that’s how to do pain. It hurts but there was growth and the story and characters moved forward. Thoughts on 14.18 featuring lonely bunker tracking shots, Jack’s subconscious being an asshole, self-aware Winchesters, remorseful Cas, big Destiel drama, and Team Free Will tested but not broken. 

“Get out of jail free card.” So yeah. Jack’s been fixing mortal injuries and murdering enemies and being the magical fix-it guy and this is exactly why the writers have had to keep messing up Cas in various ways or having him vanish because Sam and Dean can’t have a magical superpower hanging around fixing stuff all the time. Jack is a lot more powerful than Cas now, and a lot more of a wild card, while Cas as completely proven himself, so this issue has shifted from Cas, who is much more of a steady fixture in Sam and Dean’s lives, to Jack who is re-powered up and extra powerful and a loose cannon. So of course things have to go terribly wrong with Jack. What the endpoint will be, I don’t know. Re-souled and reduced power? Re-souled and turned human? I don’t know. There’s probably going to be a lot of hurt first.

The shots of that empty bunker as the camera reflects Sam and Dean’s search for Mary and Jack, who were supposed to be back there, is very very telling. Oh so interesting. Sam and Dean alone in their bunker is no bueno and the narrative is underscoring in yellow highlighter with these visuals and the boys’ worry. The bunker should be filled with their family and the emptiness and loneliness of those tracking shots...

“Not Nick, not Lucifer. I’m you.” So Jack created this manifestation? Have to say, Jack’s subconscious is an asshole, and extremely hard on Jack. Of course.

This music score is some MCU epic angst levels.

Okay, Nick’s really dead-dead. Can’t say I’m sorry but I get that for the characters, this is horrifying, to know someone they care about killed someone like that. It’s not about whether Nick deserved it, it’s the out of control brutality. I’ll just wave my hands and pretend this isn’t undermined by how much an actual honest-to-god majority of the fandom in every lane, even lanes that never agree on anything, wanted Nick gone and thank you, Jack.

Cas’s memory flashback of Mary, oh noes, this hurts. He offers to heal her but she’s reluctant. “Are you still afraid of me?” Oh my heart. Cas forming attachments to more than just Sam and Dean, this matters. Cas of yore didn’t attach like that, and didn’t mourn. Not the way now!Cas does. 

Cas: “I know you know this Mary, but Sam and Dean are glad to have you back...you should know they’re happy. I mean, finally they don’t have to be so alone.” Mary: “Castiel...they were never alone.”

LEAVE ME TO CRY SHE KNOWS CAS WAS THERE FOR THEM SHE ACKNOWLEDGES IT. 

And it’s interesting Cas assumes their aloneness when, well, he exists. No, I don’t think this line is there to acknowledge Sam and Dean have each other although that’s certainly true as to why they were never really alone and Mary knows that too. But the context here was Cas specifically talking about Mary, a third party, making them less alone, and Mary points out they haven’t been, because hello, Cas is right there and has been there for them a long time and Mary has figured that out.

Oh goooood everything about this Sam, Dean, and Cas scene is heartbreaking.

“I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long. I believed that he was good...we were a faily and I didn’t want to lose that...I failed you and I failed Jack.”

JUST STAB ME.

Dean’s lashing out, saying if anything has happened to Mary, “you’re dead to me” to Cas is very harsh. That doesn’t mean he’s a horrible person, abusive, doesn’t love Cas, is actually going to never ever forgive Cas. He’s scared too. He’s grieving he’s hurt and he trusts Cas. Cas holding this information from them wasn’t the right thing to do. But it’s also not all Cas’s fault, Sam and Dean knew something was wrong, they knew Jack was soulless. So it’s not a matter of Cas deserves to hear such harsh words. 

Dean is ready to grab that BOTD and do whatever it takes. Hey Dean, remember in S10 you made Sam swear to never use that to save you? Because of the damage it could cause? After you say “you’re dead to me” to your best friend--even if understandable how upset you are--now you’re throwing away your own hard-earned awareness of the butterfly effect of going too far to get a loved one back. Dean is in major pain and not thinking clearly. And oh here’s the thing...he doesn’t get into this state of mind just for Sam.

I’ve pointed this out before, I’ll say it again: it’s not about Sam. It’s not about Cas. It’s not about Mary. It’s a Dean thing. It’s his fear of losing family. Talk all you want about how far Dean will go for Sam but he’s flipping out losing it over Mary, and we saw how devastated he was by Cas’s death, to the point he lost all hope. Dean’s rage over Kevin’s death and he broke furniture. Dean’s rage over Mary’s death and he broke furniture. We saw MoC Dean completely lose it over Charlie’s death. We saw what Dean was like in Purgatory refusing to leave Cas behind no matter the risk to himself, to themselves (although not risk to the world).

This is all incredibly painful but I’m not seeing how else Dean should be expected to react all this, I also think it wouldn’t be good if things stay there with no growing and well, guess what, they don’t.

Something that isn’t making sense--if Jack is soulless, how does he feel this much remorse for killing Mary, how is his subconscious torturing him so much about losing Sam and Dean’s trust? I’m not sure where Jack’s story is going ultimately but maybe this is a reason to hope he’s not completely lost.

Rowena: “Talk to them Jack, they’re your kin.” Yep. Rowena, who said yes to Michael to save them all. Who swore up and down to never be weak again, that love was a weakness, has gone all Team Free Will on us. I love her arc so much.

Mary training Jack flashback. I’m always happy when SPN actually shows hunter training and this transitions beautifully into a Sam memory of Mary and now I’m going to start yelling about CLOSURE CLOSURE CLOSURE again. Like last week, it’s all pointing to saying goodbye to Mary. (Which I have some thoughts on, on a meta-textual level, but will do that in a different post).

“How much did the two of you go through when I wasn’t there for you” “Somehow they’re literally the bravest, kindest most heroic men on the planet.” I AM GOING TO CRY. I’m glad Sam got to hear all that. I’m sorry Dean didn’t but he did get Mary’s apology last week for not being there for them more often.

But damn, CLOSURE THEME. I been saying. After John literally fading in ep 300 and Sam and Dean moving forward from that. Now they say goodbye to Mary. 

“Cas should have told us.” “Dean, it wasn’t just Cas. We knew Jack was dangerous...I just dumped Jack on Cas and left. I knew something was gonna...” “I did too...it was a warning...I just couldn’t see it.”

MY BEAUTIFUL SELF-AWARE HURTY WINCHESTERS.

So there it is. Yeah Dean is still mad and Sam has to initiate the wave-down and takes the pro-Cas argument. But Dean capitulates immediately. He knows. They both know. They all knew something was wrong with Jack and it’s not all on Cas, although yes Cas should have told them about Felix. The narrative continues again and again to show sympathy for Sam, Dean, and Cas and I am immensely enjoying all this character development where they’re voicing these things so readily. That this conversation fell within the same episode as Dean’s harsh words to Cas.

Of course Cas isn’t there to hear this, but things are pointed in a good direction for these three at least.

They all wanted to believe in Jack so so much. Even Dean with his initial rejection was won over. They all wanted to believe. I can’t say they were wrong, because I can see why they did, and by S14 I’m rooting for Jack to be good too. I’ve been metaing all season about the good Jack as brought for them, Team Free dads. 

I don’t have a strong sense where they’re going with Jack, it’s not like with Mary and what looked like an inevitable march to closure. I did expect Jack to go dark and here we are. But where this lands? I hope they don’t lose Jack. I don’t think they were wrong to see the good in him but how does soulless ultra-powered Jack can get fixed and how he can come back from having killed Mary Winchester? 

Dumah tells Cas that Mary is “at peace. She died instantly, completely.”

There’s Rowena, being the Cassandra warning Jack about the consequences of meddling with necromancy, plus there’s no body so it’ll be a full mess. 

Dean wanted to race for the BOTD. Jack is hell-bent on using necromancy. Winchesters.

Dean’s memory of Mary sleeping on his shoulder as he drives through the night and he looks so content and happy. JUST STAB ME IT WOULD HURT LESS.

Although Dean didn’t get to hear all the things Sam did from Mary, Dean did get some sense of connection back with her. He got to have his mom back, that hole of loss that’s been in him since he was four years old and he accepted the whole brittle complicated realness package, after most of his life idealizing a soft-focus childhood memory. Although he hits the ceiling about Mary in this ep, Dean was able to let John go in ep 300, and I think losing Mary now is also different. He’s not four years old. He has a family (albeit one that’s yet again a hot mess but I think they’ll work things out). He got at least to get to know her as Dean the adult, not Dean the four year old who had his mom ripped away plus trauma of seeing her burning on the ceiling. He got to say what he said to her in S12, to acknowledge what losing her did to him, to their family, and his hate and his love. There’s at least some healing here.

Jack’s subconscious really wants to burn it all down. Not only will Sam and Dean never trust Jack again, “you can never trust them.” Oh SHUT UP WHO ASKED YOU, JACK’S SUBCONSCIOUS.

Sam looking at the pictures. MY SADNESS

AND CAS WALKS IN. 

AND THEN DEAN.

Okay, that’s good, they’re all in the same room and nobody is yelling. Dean’s still behind a wall of ice right now.

“She’s in heaven and she’s at peace.”

Dean’s clipped inquiry about whether Cas just took Duma at her word about Mary and Cas’s reply that no in fact he went into heaven to see for himself. Zing. Is that all you think of me, Dean, pls. Without getting outwardly angry at Dean. Okay yes this is terrible but they are going to be okay and this is some big Destiel drama going on right here before our eyes. If anyone ever got it together enough to bring this out of subtext to full text, I’d be expecting make-up sex. 

Sam, Dean, and Cas holding the hunter’s funeral pyre for Mary hurts in a thousand ways but for the sake of Team Free Will, the three of them grieving together, they’re all there together, shouldering it...I expected this ep to be a Team Free Will fest and it is, in a really hurty way. It’s also significant we’re seeing Cas grieving. To get to grieve. To be present at a hunter funeral for family.

Cas trying to go to Dean to comfort him, and I presume try to apologize and say how very sorry he is and Sam putting out his arm and stopping him was shattering but so right. Sam is right. Dean needs some breathing room and Dean deserves some breathing room. He’s not canceling Cas but he’s still raw from the grief and trust issues. 

Dean has already acknowledged his own shared culpability. He hasn’t talked to Cas about it but he acknowledged it, and Sam acknowledged it. As I said earlier, Dean trusted Cas so much and they went through so much together to get there. Even if Dean knows it isn’t all on Cas I think Cas hiding the information about Felix from him shook him. He also, given that he already acknowledged shared culpability, is likely feeling uncomfortable because after saying “you’re dead to me” to Cas, well, how does he walk back from that? And even if his rational brain knows it isn’t all on Cas, Dean still hurts. So Dean’s not ready and Sam knows it, and I think Sam, knowing that, also sees how desperately Cas wants to make things right with Dean, and that if Cas gets rebuffed right then, it’ll hurt even more. Sam is playing Destiel mediator, as well as being protective of Dean, and you just know he hates it when they’re like this, but he also understands. This gesture was really intuitive of Sam. 

The MW joining the SW and DW on the table feels right. Interesting nobody added a JW. Back to my thoughts about the camera’s lonely track through the empty bunker, SW and DW’s initials aren’t alone on that table any more. Even though they lost Mary. Hopefully family doesn’t have to die to get carved on there and we may see more to come.

I’ll put some extra Mary thoughts in another post.

[speckledbears]

Thoughts on “Far From Home”

SPOILERS FOR “Spider-Man: Far From Home”!!!!

this is for you anon

ok so basically i thought that it would have been good if it wasn’t a Spider-Man (“children’s”) movie.

Like, I think Quentin (Jake G) was such an interesting character, and an amazing villain but, I hated that his entire reason was because he wanted to be the New Iron Man. It bugs me to NO END that THATS the reason. Tony stole the projector tech he made, made fun of him (even if the audience didn’t know), and fired him. I think that’s a much better reason than wanting to be the next Annoying, Mean, Rich Rich Rich So Fucking Rich Metal Guy. The tech was so fucking cool? Like, projectors that seemed so lifelike,,, that’s so cool (also i kinda feel like you could relate it to how disney is only using GCI now but the russos are dumbasses). And like, the story Quentin and his team put together for Mysterio, and all the planning and the production value (if you can call it that lol) was so interesting and I was so intrigued. If there was a movie for him, and he didn’t fucking suck, I would pay to see it. His issue is that he’s so hellbent on killing Peter, MJ and Ned that I was put-off from like, half the movie. It’s kinda terrifying that someone can say, “I’ll just have to kill the kids myself,” and NO ONE IS CONCERNED??? And the fact that he was willing to kill innocent civilians just to make headlines, that’s fucked (and modern). Also, I think the directors missed out on a big opportunity for Peter to have a new father figure. Peter looked up to Quentin, trusted him, seeked him out for advice, like he would a father. I don’t remember him ever doing that with Tony. Peter was always too worried he was bothering him, and Tony seemed to brush him off a lot. Sure, Tony picked him and placed so much faith in him but, in the end? I feel Peter became more of a toy for the Avengers than an actual team member. If Quentin had been a good guy, doing this shit for the “right reasons” (idk like, taking the burden of becoming Iron Man off Peter, and maybe mentoring him) he could’ve been AMAZING. I still love him (except his dumb reasons) but, y’all missed out!!!!

Next: The whole deal with Peter being chosen by Tony to be the next Iron Man. Fucking hate that shit!!!!! Peter is a CHILD, he’s 16, and obviously he’s not ready for that responsibility!!!! In the movie, he’s manipulated by Quentin (which i lowkey also hate and explained above) and he just!!! gave EDITH to him!!!!! He’s a good kid, but not mature or responsible enough to handle having access to that kind of tech. I mean, dude almost killed a classmate?? Literally called a drone strike on the kid, couldn’t figure out how to cancel it, and destroyed the drone himself. Let’s not forget that this responsibility was FORCED ON HIM BY TONY???? Like, there was this scene where Peter literally told Quentin that he didn’t want EDITH!!! He didn’t want that kind of responsibility that came with being Iron Man!!! All he wanted for the summer was to hang out with his friends and kiss the girl he likes!!! Peter just wanted to be a normal child for one summer and, apparently, that was too much to ask for. Also, in the scene where Happy and Peter are in the jet talking about Tony, Peter says that he doesn’t know if he can be the new Iron Man. Happy doesn’t even hesitate when he says, “No, you can’t. No one can replace him.” Like hello!!!! And then they immediately forget that little nugget of wisdom, and Peter starts playing with Tony’s tech and literally everyone with eyes can draw the parallels between Peter and Tony. It’s frustrating. I hated how Tony was treated after his death. I completely understand mourning a character, especially one as important as Tony Stark, but it didn’t feel like mourning. It felt like worshipping. Tony had become a martyr, and he fucking knew it (EDITH = Even Dead, I’m The Hero 🙄) and people are still licking his boots. It’s just so weird that, even though he’s supposed to be dead, he’s still a main character and RDJ isn’t even in the movie!!!!!!!! When a character dies, that’s it, they can’t directly influence the story anymore, and yet Tony is still the reason for everything Peter does? He doesn’t have his own initiative. He lived and breathed in Tony’s shadow, and he’ll live in it forever. He’s being forced to become the next Iron Man. And believe me, I love Tony. I grew up watching the “Iron Man” movies with my parents and brother, and I remember watching one in the theatre and laughing till I cried. Guys! He’s dead! He’s done more than enough! It’s Spider-Man’s turn now.

I really hated Nick Fury in this movie. I grew up watching the OG Marvel movies and I loved Nick, but holy fuck. This dude hounded Peter, a CHILD, for help against those Elementals when he could’ve literally asked anyone else (side note: he shot Ned with a tranquilizer dart like? dude he’s a child calm down-). He gave a shit ton of excuses for why he couldn’t get in contact with the other Avengers but, I call bullshit. This dude is like, one of the most powerful men in the world (Quentin’s words, but it’s also been proven in other movies). He managed to track down Peter, how is it THAT HARD for him to find an adult??? Then he hijacked the school trip so that Peter would be in Prague, and he KNEW that once Peter was there he would help. It’s manipulation. Never mind the scene like, 5 mins later where Peter says he’s worried about his friends getting hurt (and having EDITH but not really understanding her), and Nick exploded on him. LIKE DUDE??? he’s a child. I’m also super pissed off at the fact that Nick manipulated Peter using his Avenger status. OOOOHHHH you whore!!! Literally everyone knows that Peter loved Tony (🙄🙄) and he used him against Peter! ASK AN ADULT FOR HELP YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE TEAM OF THEM????? Oh also, the bitch KNEW Quentin was evil. There’s a scene that proves it. It’s right after their first meeting where Peter says no, and leaves. Nick and Maria (the brunette lady hes always with, im surprised i remembered her name) share a knowing glance. They fucking KNOW. And yet?? They let Quentin do whatever the hell he wants?? He literally tried to kill 3 teenagers, and planned to kill hundreds of civilians in London (and i’m not sure if anyone did get hurt or died but, i wouldn’t be surprised). But the most powerful man in the world can’t stop him, apparently. He wants a 16-year-old CHILD to do it for him. It’s ridiculous!

The romance was also a bit hit-or-miss for me. Like, Ned and Betty?? It felt so forced and contrived? It literally only existed so that MJ could take Ned’s place. Y’all notice that Ned basically ditched his best friend for the entire movie for some girl he barely knows? Also, the fact that they “fell in love” on an eight hour flight. Hate that. It’s such a trope and it’s ugly. The romance with Happy and May was kinda weird, too? I mean, I don’t know their past together. I didn’t watch “Infinty War” or “Endgame” but, it also felt forced. Especially at the end, when Peter asked if they were dating!! May said no and Happy said yes!! I’m assuming that’s supposed to be comedy?? ig??? Anyway, I didn’t really like the romantic rivalry between Brad and Peter? (btw no shit i almost called peter “tony” i’m telling y’all they’re synonymous now). Like, Brad’s logic in using the photo of Peter stripping to “expose the truth” about Peter to MJ was so weird and awkward? The entire scene felt forced and I was so uncomfortable watching it. Also, MJ would’ve stuck up for Peter anyway, so it didn’t even matter, and the rivalry was dropped so easily after the opera in Prague. I did actually like the romance between Peter and MJ, even though I wasn’t expecting to. It’s a bit weird how quickly he got over Liz, but whatever; he’s a teenager. (I was going to comment on the necklace thing but, that’s actually kind of in character for him so, y’all get ONE (1) pass). I thought their hug and kiss at the end of the battle with Quentin was super fucking sweet and innocent, and it was refreshing compared to most teen romance movies where they act like adults instead. I was in LOVE with that scene, and it was one of the only scenes I honestly loved.

Ok, I wanna go back to Quentin for a bit. This dude absolutely destroyed the Peter Parker we were given in HOCO, and at the beginning of the movie. Yeah, Tony already had him as a puppet, but Quentin took his innocence. Y’all saw how easily Peter trusted people before him!! Like?? When he found out Quentin manipulated him, he lost almost all his faith in other people, except for MJ and Ned. For example, the scene where Peter calls Happy to pick him up because he’s in a holding cell in the Netherlands? Love that scene BUT! As he’s limping over to Happy, so obviously fucked up and hurting, he makes Happy prove it’s really him. THAT FUCKING HURT LMAO!!!!! I hated that. And that last battle with Quentin on the bridge? He maneuvered so easily through the drones, it was impressive, and he’d only fought against them once before (seems impossible but whatever). And watching the projections dissolve away into just pixels and a scared little bitch in a fish bowl helmet? Classic Theatre. But, he was traumatized by previous experiences fighting Quentin. Peter’s growth made the movie good but, his loss of innocence really made this movie kinda suck. Sure, his innocence still there—the scenes later with MJ prove that—but he’s still lost his easy trust in other people. It hurt to see. And, like, I’m not saying he can’t be more mature but, he didn’t even trust Happy!! He’s so paranoid that he’ll find his loved ones replaced by Quentin’s illusions!! It sucks!!!! Peter isn’t Peter without that sense of childlike wonder, curiosity, and helpless faith in others.

Anyway, I wanna talk about that Netherlands scene again because, holy shit, I loved it. After Peter was hit by that train (i actually screamed but the cinematography inside the train? *kiss*), he wakes up in some holding cell in the Netherlands with a band of friendly locals, and the guard, who’s talking on the phone with his pregnant wife. I don’t know why but, that scene was one of the first to make me smile? Like, it was so sweet how the other men were so happy for the guard and his wife, how they gave Peter a spare shirt because he looked cold, how Peter just broke the lock and left? How the guard was wearing Peter’s mask???? I’m in love. The next scene I liked was literally right after, of Peter limping through the tulip field, and Happy landing the jet nearby. Without dialogue, that scene is so pretty?? The petals stirring in the wave the jet left as it landed?? The HUG???? UGH! I fell in love. Another scene I loved was the scene when Peter went to Berlin to meet with Nick Fury and Quentin manipulated it with the projection technology. Even though I knew it was fake, I was worried about what was going on outside the projection (he got hit by a fucking train so,,,,,, iwas right to be worried-). Watching Peter so helpless and trying to stay vigilant was so heartbreaking, yet I was lowkey impressed. Like? How many other mean ass men could pull that off? None, next question. I can’t even think about how to explain it. I watched that scene at least 3 times, and was amazed every time, my only thoughts anxiety for Peter.

Okay, lastly, I wanna talk about the tech. I thought it was so interesting and unique. Like, I’ve played with the idea of projection in stories, or with characters as magic but, never considered applying it through technology, especially tech as capable as it is. And every scene where the projections were being used were amazing. I mean, obviously it’s CGI, but in the context of the MCU, it’s so interesting and cool to see tech like that used in a very public way. And no one knew!!! The whole system (along with Quentin and his team) was so good at camouflaging that I was fooled at the beginning of the movie. I seriously believed in the Elementals and Mysterio’s ruined Earth. It’s part of the reason I really enjoyed his character. And, like I said earlier, Peter was fooled by it too; everyone was. He learned it, eventually. But not before Quentin could manipulate the situation one last time and claim Peter called the drone attacks on London, and revealed his identity.

All in all, I didn’t have fun watching “Far From Home,” and it’s mainly because it didn’t feel like a Spider-Man movie. I enjoyed “Homecoming,” so much more. The villain was far more relatable (even though you could see it as demonizing the poor), Ned and Peter’s friendship was so wholesome and sweet, the entire cast was fun, and it was more enjoyable than watching some angry rich white man trying to kill children so he can get richer.

[spideycentral]

Now that some of Far From Home’s details are out in the open, EW caught up with director Jon Watts to get the breakdown on that new trailer.

“It was always acknowledged that our movie was going to happen right after [Endgame], and there were going to be a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of repercussions,” Watts explains. “[The question was], how do we make a movie that’s in that world and deals with those stories but is also still the fun Spider-Man movie that we want to see? So that was a fun creative challenge for us.”

The primary plot of Far From Home is Peter’s upcoming trip to Europe with his classmates. But as the trailer opens, the biggest shadow looming over his life is the recent loss of his mentor Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), who sacrificed himself to defeat Thanos. The first Far From Home trailer hinted at Tony’s absence — a prominent role for Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau), a check from the Stark Foundation signed by Pepper Potts — but this new footage finds Peter in full mourning. Tony Stark helped teach him how to be a hero, but surely he had years of additional lessons to share.

And although Far From Home centers on how Peter is responding to Tony’s loss, it will also explore how the rest of the world is coping, too. (The trailer includes a poignant memorial mural to the fallen hero.)

“We saw how the various individuals reacted to [Tony’s death at the end of Endgame], but we haven’t seen the global fallout at all,” Watts says.

There’s also the question of how the millions of snapped people will reintegrate into society. When the Hulk wielded the Infinity Gauntlet in Endgame, he brought everyone back exactly as they had been pre-Thanos. The only problem is that everyone else has still been living — and aging — for the last five years.

For adults and ageless superheroes, a five-year age gap isn’t as big a deal, but when you’re in high school, that’s a pretty major shift. Watts confirmed that Jacob Batalon’s Ned, Zendaya’s MJ, and Tony Revolori’s Flash were all snapped, but some of Peter’s classmates were left behind, and they’re now all five years older.

He compared it to 1986’s Flight of the Navigator, about a boy who disappears and reemerges after eight years, having not aged a day. (He returns home to find his younger brother is now several years older.) “That’s a really weird situation to find yourself in, but it’s also something you can have a lot of fun with, too,” Watts says.

And as if age gaps and Tony’s death weren’t enough for poor Peter to deal with, Far From Home introduces a new enemy: the mysterious Elementals, who are terrorizing the world. Fortunately, Peter has a new ally in the form of Jake Gyllenhaal‘s Quentin Beck, nickname Mysterio.

The trailer reveals that according to Quentin, he’s a hero from another universe. Apparently, the use of the Infinity Gauntlet “tore a hole in our dimension” and has led to some unexpected crossovers. “Endgame opened up the possibilities for a much, much larger universe,” Watts teases. “All that stuff sort of converged in the perfect way for us.”

Mysterio made his comics debut back in 1969 as an adversary to Spider-Man, a  stuntman who used his special effects expertise to frame Spider-Man for crimes. In Far From Home, however, he and Peter have a far friendlier relationship — not unlike the friendship Peter once had with Tony.

“What I wanted to do was bring this iconic character into the world in a way that people weren’t expecting,” Watts says. “And Mysterio as the hero is definitely something that we haven’t seen before. The idea of Spider-Man, Mysterio, and Nick Fury teaming up to take on this global threat of the Elementals was really exciting.”

Speaking of Nick Fury, Samuel L. Jackson is also making a return as everyone’s favorite eyepatch-wearing super spy. It’s Fury who recruits a reluctant Peter to help fight the Elementals, his 11th big-screen appearance in as many years. “It was great to have [Jackson] on set intimidating everyone,” Watts says with a laugh. “It was just like Nick Fury was actually there, keeping everyone on their toes.”

And although Fury seems eager to get down to business and work with Spider-Man, he’s also coping with the emotional aftermath of Endgame.

“He’s been gone for five years, too,” Watts explains. “He’s the guy who’s always known everything about everything. He’s the guy who created the Avengers, and now here he is, returning after five years and seeing a very, very different world. So that’s a situation we’ve never seen him in before. The guy who’s always been in control not having the same level of control is interesting.”

There are other questions, too, but we’ll have to wait until Far From Home hits theaters in July to get answers. But for now, Watts is just relieved that he can finally talk about his new movie without inadvertently spoiling Endgame. He says he’s known the plots of Endgame and Infinity War for years, and he worked closely with directors Joe and Anthony Russo to coordinate how their films will affect Spider-Man’s story in Far From Home.

“It’s so nice that the trailer’s out and now that people have seen Endgame, I don’t have to carry this around with me,” he says with a laugh. “You’re always worried that you’re going to say something to the wrong person or forget that someone doesn’t know or say something to a journalist. I didn’t want Joe and Anthony Russo showing up at my house in the middle of the night!”

[the--ghost--king]

Spider-Man:Far From Home

Hey so I just saw Spider-Man: Far From Home. And I got like mildly spoiled beforehand about the end credit scene but that didn't take away from the story at all so time to dive the fuck into my ramble anger.

The movie is phenomenal. I was shacking and anticipating and on the edge of my seat the whole time but that doesn't mean that I don't have things that bothered me about it.

First, let's talk about Tony Stark and how his death has impacted Peter. Peter is unsure and doesn't really know what to do with himself at the start of the film which is completely understandable. He's still mourning, Peter doesn't feel ready (the scene with the reporters shows this expertly when you contrast Peter handling the Press and Tony handling the Press) which is completely understandable. He's 16, he's just come back to life and everything is strange and confusing. He's vulnerable as Hell this whole movie and a fuckton of people abused this vulnerability.

First of all, I'm just gonna start about Nick Fury and the second after credit scene. Talos was Fury all along which makes sense with how to an extent Fury didn't act like himself and missed certain things etc but that doesn't excuse the manipulative behaviour he exhibited towards Peter. Maybe it's just me but I was quite angry with how Fury kept pushing Peter towards taking the mantel of 'New Iron Man'. I get that He (Talos) was probably working with some loose orders and figured this was the best course of action because Tony left Peter the glasses but the way he went about it is all wrong. We don't expect Nick Fury to be a nurturing presence or anything but making Peter feel like he's failing the world and more importantly letting Tony down by not taking on the 'Iron Man' Mantle is fundamentally wrong in my opinion.

You can't tell an emotionally vulnerable teenager that his mentor figure, who has just died, would be inexplicably disappointed in him if he didn't do something he (the teen) is afraid of/ doesn't feel ready for/ doesn't want to do yet. It's upsetting that Tony's legacy and his death was used as a manipulation tactic like this. That it's Talos and not actual Nick Fury excuses some of his actions, Talos is maybe less aware of earth costums or is maybe playing up the 'Hard-Ass Nick Fury' idea but that's also kind of unbelievable because we know that Talos is rather empathetic by nature because of his family. He has it in him to be cruel but wouldn't do so unnecessarily and lovely reminder: Peter is a child. He might be a superhero but he is still a child and they should have taken a different approach towards getting Peter to rethink being involved in all this. Because the way Talos(Fury) just made Peter be involved by changing all these aspects of his trip that he can't control must feel very violating to Peter as well. He seemingly has no control over his life at all and it's fucking awful.

Now that we've got that out of the way it's time to fucking talk about our favourite motherfucker Aldrich Killain Quentin Beck. (I'll talk about Iron Man 3 and General Iron Man parallels in a bit) either way Quentin Beck aka Tony Stark inconvenienced me that one time and now I'm willing to Kill Children -Man number 700. Is this just going to be a thing in Spider-Man movies, all villains are going to say it's Tony Stark's fault they're doing what they're doing whilst they're fully functioning adults with autonomy(??????) (Is it obvious that I am Mad). Either way.

Quentin Beck is mad because Tony used his holographics technology and called it BARF. Sounds like a fair thing to be mad about when Tony seemingly didn't give him any credit for it. I use seemingly here because we don't have the full story. We just know what Quentin told us which is that Tony did something that upset him and Quentin figured the best course of action was to become the next Big Superhero and kill a bunch of people in the name of his goals. ( *cough* Killian *cough*). Also William from Iron Man 1 working with him is a fun little Easter egg but it also makes no sense that he'd somehow hate Tony because Obadiah yelled at him. Like what's the thought process there? Do we actually justify this? Doesn't Marvel know how to give people proper motivations for their actions? Maybe I'm just salty (and like I'm biased because I love Tony Stark) but still. Beck called him a drunken manchild (which a lot of Tony antis do) and then disregards all the good Tony has ever done for the world and how he's been growing and changing and trying to do better since IM1 and how that culminated in his death in Endgame to instead focus on the things he did before he decided to turn himself around (like a lot of Tony antis do).

Mysterio's entire motivation is based on him misinterpreting Tony's character. Tony did one thing that was detrimental to Mysterio and then Mysterio made a huge leap and just said, 'Y'know how I can best get my revenge over this tiny little thing that most people would either go to court over or go to the press with to gain public trust/opinion to ruin their opponents reputation? Making myself an elaborate superhero and not caring about casualties because they're for the greater good.'

Basically I'm done with people making Tony responsible for their actions when they made these radical choices completely on their own without him ever doing anything but upsetting them in one way or another.

I'm not saying that Tony didn't do anything wrong in this scenario (if we were told the whole truth and Tony stole someone else's idea for no good reason, which, knowing him, sounds fake) but I am definitely saying that Beck could have done literally anything else to get back at Tony especially if he had like 5+ years to think of his evil revenge plan.

So next up is first me being slightly mad about the Spidey-sense being called the 'Peter-tingle' and how it's really not explained how it works in the movie (maybe it was but I just missed it) either way, it was very funny but also mildly upsetting.

And then the last thing I'll complain about is the mid-credit scene. I'll talk about the whole Peter/MJ romance subplot later but I want to specifically concentrate on the identity reveal. I'd been spoiled for this but only a little. I knew they would paint Peter as the bad guy and they set the whole identity reveal with The Daily Bugle (well done on that) up by showing us William grabbing the USB-stick and this being done makes a lot of sense with Mysterio's character bc he was a conniving bastard who'd obviously have contingancy plans. I'm not mad about how the reveal was done or that it happened necessarily. Overall the scene was handled very well and was very impactful. I'm just kinda upset because Peter just gets thrown into this new thing and never gets a break and I'm upset about what they want to do with this information now.

Side note: they also foreshadowed the identity reveal when Peter was talking to May and Happy by making it look like he was maybe talking to a camera or something (clever shot Marvel).

But now my issue with the world knowing Peter's identity: It's going to Fuck his life over immensely, especially because the world thinks he's evil. The Next Spider-Man film (and I'm pretty sure the last one) is going to come out in 2022 and I'm pretty sure they're not going to mention how the Spider Man conflict is handled in other movies. Which means they'll have to fix that up in the next Spider-Man movie somehow.

In the comics some peope of the New York public disliked the Neighbourhood menace Spider-Man because of J.J Jameson and The Daily Bugle and how they talked about him being distrustful but the world didn't know who Spider-Man was, so Peter could live his life normally without Spider-Man debilitating him. In this timeline (fucking earth 616 Marvel who are you kidding, also does this mean that that was actually a lie because motherfucking Mysterio made his story up???) The world Knows that Peter is Spider-Man and he has no one to protect him, he's on his own, completely and he's not ready.

That's a huge thing in the film. Peter isn't ready but everything around him seems to push him to be without regarding what he wants at all and then the reveal happens. Idk if this made complete sense but the lack of agency Peter gets over his life especially with Beck pulling this shit is astounding and Marvel will have to somehow fix this by the next Spider-Man film and sell that convincingly and I don't like their prospects at all.

So now we're going to talk about things I liked about this movie:

The MJ/Peter romance. It was great and made a lot of sense. The way that MJ had issues with being vulnerable. Peter "Hopeless Romantic" Parker. How Peter just really wanted to get the girl and have something nice for himself after all the bad shit that happened. Their romance made sense and although I don't like love triangles the whole Brad thing was pretty funny and did have us on the edge of our seat sometimes. The romance was a subplot but it was a part of the story in a way that seemed very organic and it added to Peter's story and character without taking away from the bigger story.

Next thing up: a loose list of Iron Man 3/ Tony Stark parallels. (Which made me a very happy lad)

Tony lost his suit in IM3 and has to work around this, Peter loses his suit and then also has to work around this (although he gets help ig). (Very thin I know)

The villain being a deception somehow. Aldrich Killian being the manderin and Mysterio being the bad guy.

The way Peter just started rambling about the multiverse and science the moment he heard about it.

Peter ghosting Nick Fury

How Peter made his suit on the plane and configured a bunch of things and used the holograms so organically. (did you see how Happy looked at him it was so obvious that he was fondly thinking 'wow he's just like Tony')

Other things:

Peter swinging a vaguely hammer-like object whilst also holding a vaguely shield-like object

Peter holding a vaguely shield like object in another battle scene

The entire May/ Happy romance

NED AND BETTY

Brad (Also the Peter is half naked with this random lady scene had Issues but I've been mad about this movie over enough shit already and someone else has already talked about it for sure)

Their teachers

Flash loving Spider-Man and still bullying Peter.

Flash being a vlogger

The fact that they called it 'The Blip' sounds a little dumb but it grew on me.

Also the acting in this movie was phenomenal. Mad respect to Jacob, Zendaya, Jake, Samuel and Tom they captured the characters really well and every scene was good.

I loved all of the super unsettling and upsetting illusions Beck showed Peter (fucking Tony's grave and that goddamn skeleton of decay Iron Man crawling out of it was Art)

Also the second end credit scene with Nick Fury in space was funny. Nick deserves a break.

It might have seemed like I was shitting on the movie a lot but I honest to God loved it. It's just that me, this boy, is a whiny little bitch and nitpicking is one of my favourite hobbies.

[briangroth27]

Spider-Man: Far From Home Review

This is my 200th original blog! I’m happy to make it about one of my favorite fictional characters and I’m glad to report that Spider-man: Far From Home is an absolute blast! I loved it and can’t wait to see more of Peter (Tom Holland) and his corner of the MCU. They did a great job of retaining the well-developed interpersonal relationships of Homecoming while upping the stakes and taking Peter and his classmates on a tour of Europe.

Full Spoilers…

Peter’s journey from street-level Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man to full-blown international superhero Avenger takes a solid step here, with Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) drafting him into a battle with Elemental beings from a parallel universe. At first I thought it was kinda lame of Fury to be so all-in on high school junior Peter Parker suiting up instead of helping Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal) fight the Elementals himself—I’ve always thought the MCU’s reliance on SHIELD to bring heroes together rather than the heroes teaming up by themselves made them less altruistic in a way, plus why do we need Fury if he’s just going to sit on the sidelines and point heroes at obvious threats?—but then I realized they were playing Fury as the parent or invested teacher in a high school movie. So, forcing Peter to help in the battle with the Elementals was their take on that kind of character encouraging a kid to step up and make the most out of their potential. He even goes so far as to ruin Peter’s vacation to get him to take his “job” seriously, and looking at him that way—with the Spider-films functioning as superhero movies by way of John Hughes—his role works really well (much like Tony Stark’s role as a parent who could say no to Spider-man in Homecoming). I also liked that Fury did agree to help Peter keep his identity a secret to an extent—that was reasonable of him—and "Night Monkey" was a fun gag (I wonder if he’ll don that simian alter ego again, given how this movie ends).

I liked that Peter’s anxiety over telling MJ (Zendaya) how he felt affected his Spider-sense—it seemed like a realistic parallel to being so stressed out that you literally worry yourself sick—and this worked much better than Spider-man 2’s Peter losing his powers just because he didn’t want to be Spider-man anymore. Making his “Peter Tingle’s” (lol!) function related to his stress and emotions also leaves the door open for his Spider-Sense to fail again, which is a nice dramatic bomb waiting to go off. Another dramatic bomb I’d like them to detonate is letting Peter realize that Tony wasn’t all great and did screw a lot of people over. Both Mysterio and Vulture made valid points about Tony and it wouldn't be a betrayal of Peter's Stark-adoration to recognize that he was a flawed person; it'd be the responsible, grown-up thing to do. Much like in Homecoming, I do worry that the MCU is playing Peter as Tony Stark's successor and heir apparent too much without fully exploring what we know to be the truth about Tony. I don’t want Peter to be the next Iron Man—he should be the first self-made Peter Parker instead—but it was a nice moment to see him take the steps of designing his new suit (even if I was hoping it’d be the classic one). Karen was fun and useful as someone for Peter to talk to in the last film, but I didn’t miss her in his new suit since he had Happy (Jon Favreau), Ned (Jacob Batalon), and MJ. I liked that Peter got to put his science skills to use and design his own web attacks instead of Stark gifting everything to him, though I’ll concede that the "moment" of Peter picking up the holo-designers did have a significant impact. Still, I loved him walking away from the Avengers in Homecoming (though I wish he hadn't gotten the Stark suit back) and I hope he eventually walks away from Stark Industries too instead of inheriting it or something. I want him at Horizon Labs and/or creating Parker Industries as a startup, inventing tech that helps the little guy instead of creating global defense networks. Speaking of, EDITH (Dawn Michelle King) was a fun addition to the film and Peter's mistakes with it felt appropriately teenager-esque (in a heightened superhero way, of course). I liked that it was way too much for him to handle and that he tried to get rid of it. I wish he’d destroyed it in the end, though my initial impression was that it’s essentially neutered now since all the drones are down and, given his reaction to seeing into everyone else’s phones, we can trust that he won’t use it that way again.

On the whole, the Spider-man films are the most enjoyable in the MCU (I also love that so much of their screentime is about Peter’s non-superhero life; we don’t get to see that from many other MCU heroes), but ignoring major dramatic moments keeps them from topping the Cap films as the MCU’s best. My biggest disappointment here is that we didn't—and apparently won't—see the fallout from May (Marisa Tomei) finding out that Peter is Spidey. I would’ve thought she’d be concerned about how being a superhero will affect his future (not to mention his safety), though I guess not since she fully encourages him to take his suit to Europe (also playing into that "embrace your potential" parental space Fury operates in). Was there a period where she worried about him before they came to this "everything is fine!" place? Did they compromise on ground rules for his superheroics vs. getting his homework done? The fallout from that reveal was a necessary piece of their arcs and it’s a mistake to skip it. I wish we hadn't had to detour into Infinity War after Homecoming (or that May walking in on him in the suit had also been Peter’s introductory scene in IW) and that we could've seen more of Peter and May's paths to get to this point.

Regardless, I liked seeing a new role for May now that she's in the know. It would've been nice to use that role to help give Peter advice or something, but it’s OK that that mainly manifested in her pushing him towards being a hero (and giving him an alibi to ditch the trip). Peter asking her for pointers on how to tell MJ he liked her would've been a solid route to take too (like when she helped him get ready for the dance in Homecoming), and it could’ve been a chance to bring up Uncle Ben and how he first told May about his feelings. I love that life for Peter and May hasn't ended with Ben’s death, but it would be nice to directly reference him. Continuing to mourn him would've been too much with Peter also mourning Stark's death (and it would've made Happy and May's flirtation awkward), but both Peter and May have clearly moved on so it would be OK to reference him without always being a downer. Ben’s initials on Peter’s briefcase were a nice subtle touch, but my friend pointed out that the suitcase getting blown up should’ve had more meaning to May and Peter instead of getting played off as joke (“Where’s your luggage? Oh right; it got blown up!”). Even a moment to say that physical things don’t matter when they can remember Ben and live as he did would’ve been enough. Speaking of Happy and May, I thought they were cute and I like where it's going (it if does go anywhere). At one point I thought not Snapping May would’ve been a way to bring the classic May into the MCU, but I wouldn’t have liked putting her through five years of hell with Peter having vanished. I like this May much better than the classic one who might have a heart attack just by finding out that Peter is Spider-man, and taking him away for that long probably would’ve led to that version so I’m glad they didn’t. I liked May helping the homeless shelter rather than sitting at home worrying about Peter being Spider-man: it’s nice to see her being a hero in her own right. I wonder if that job will bring us Mr. Negative sometime down the line; he could make things even worse for Spidey's rep.

Speaking of, this was an excellent rendition of Mysterio! I can't believe I didn't realize how perfect a villain he is for an era full of Fake News, where our leaders lie to us so casually and very few citizens bother to fact-check what they say. I hope he’s not dead and I don’t believe it. Faking that death would be a hard needle to thread with people clearly believing that he died a hero—so there must be a body, right?—but I’m sure there are ways around that. If he really is gone, what a way to go out! I definitely didn't expect him to announce Peter's secret to the world, but I'm glad they did: that’ll open up a lot of story potential and we’ve seen Peter do the secret identity thing in seven movies now; we can do one where he fights to put the genie back in the bottle and has to deal with the fallout. Gyllenhaal was very good in the role—the perfect mix of heroism, menace, and self-important ridiculousness—and while I knew he was a villain, he had me wishing that he wouldn't follow his comic book roots. I liked that he was the adult who let Peter slack and indulge in what he wanted rather than what was (arguably) best for his future (and certainly best for the world), and their chemistry allowed for a quick development of their brotherly bond. I liked the idea I saw online a while back about Quentin Beck having been a special effects guy on the "really old movies" Peter is always referencing who lost his job because of CGI, but his backstory here was so much better and it was very cool how they tied him and his cronies into the history of the MCU. I'm also so happy we got a comics-accurate costume for him! They really drove home the point that it would be impossible to fight Mysterio if you didn't have Spider-Sense and the sequence showcasing that was fantastic. Yes, that CGI was noticeably CGI, but given how he creates his illusions and the fact that it's a filter over real-world dangers, I thought it totally worked. The point wasn’t to create a photo-realistic illusion at that moment anyway, as there were several images that didn’t make logical sense in the “real world:” Beck was trying to scare and disorient Peter, getting him to hurt himself on real-world dangers, and the kid fell for it. I've never seen that threat level from this character before and that was a standout sequence of the entire MCU. I'm sorry that it looks like Sandman, Hydro-Man, Molten Man, and Cyclone are just illusions in this universe, but the Buzzfeed theory the gang finds means they could still be out there. Maybe Mysterio based the Elementals on them in the first place!

I'm of two minds about Nick Fury in this film. On one hand, I like the role he played in Peter's life here. On the other, the post-credits reveal that he was actually Talos (Ben Mendelsohn) acting as Fury while the real Nick was on vacation undercut the genuinely interesting character development Fury got. I really liked that he went from knowing everything about the world to knowing nothing. It's also more impressive if Mysterio dupes the real Fury instead of a stand-in. If Talos was sending Fury regular reports, then both those things are still at least halfway true, but it's not as effective or clean IMO. I’m glad to know Fury is a human who needs a vacation sometimes—the always alert, always prepared, always badass character the early MCU films painted him as would get boring and one-dimensional—but with these character developments maybe this wasn’t the best time to play the Skrull card. I hope the Skrull reveal is a one-time gag about Fury taking some time off (which does explain his insistence that Peter jump into the battle instead of doing it himself) and not a prelude to Secret Invasion. There just isn't time in these movies to sacrifice a whole film's worth of character development for a Skrull reveal. Secret Invasion would totally work in an MCU show, but the films aren’t like the comics where we have decades of time spent with the real characters plus a significant amount spent with their replacements; if they decide a character was a Skrull for an entire movie, that’s like a ninth of their total MCU screentime and development (if not more) erased.

I was happy that we got to spend a lot more time with MJ in this film. She's awesome, Zendaya plays her perfectly, and I really like this direction for her character! Her interest in the morbid history of everything is very endearing and I also like her obsession with telling the truth. At first I thought that might be a fun and interesting challenge for her once she found out about Peter (a twist the trailers shouldn't have revealed...classic Sony!), but now I'm thinking it could drive her towards journalism like in the Ultimate Comics universe. I would love to see her, Peter, and Ned team up to prove Peter's innocence and tell the world what really happened (while covering up Pete’s ID, which would bring that challenge aspect back to her). I liked that she played an integral role in discovering the truth about Mysterio and that she figured out Peter was Spider-man on her own; now I'd like to see that applied to her future. Her burgeoning relationship with Peter was sweet and felt well-developed given how long they’ve known each other; they are very cute together and their first kiss felt very teen-realistic. I can't wait to see how they work as a couple! With Midtown’s mascot being a tiger, I wonder if we'll get the "Face it, Tiger..." moment at some point.

Ned and MJ's low-key competition about knowing Peter's secret was fun too. I'm glad Ned has grown out of wanting to tell everyone Peter's secret (though that did create some fun drama and obstacles we wouldn't have gotten from the more responsible Peter by himself). I really like his friendship with Peter (and Batalon’s rendition of Ned) and even though he didn't get to be the Man in the Chair this time around, they could easily bring that back next time to help clear Pete's name. Ned and Betty's (Angourie Rice) trip-long summer romance was a funny subplot and a nice nod to their comic book marriage. I'm glad Betty got more screentime here, even if it's still weird to me that she's so visually patterned after Gwen Stacy (if they are saving Gwen for Spider-Gwen, I'm all for it!). I loved that the school news reports Betty and Jason (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) anchor are still so hilariously (and realistically) bad! They were the perfect vehicle to recap The Blip and I really liked how it was handled. This film isn't the place to look at the massive problems such seismic shifts in the global population would cause, but I firmly believe the MCU needs to address them somewhere (Agents of SHIELD and the other shows would be my choice). They could get literal years of great drama exploring the fallout of both snaps, the global upheaval, the extremes surviving heroes went to, surprising heroic turns from villains that were left behind, etc. and while I'm glad they didn't just erase Thanos' Snap, it's a massive missed opportunity not to mine the fallout for all it's worth somewhere. Global changes like this should be felt in everything going forward, even if they're not the main focus. Still, the kids’ frustration that they had to take their midterms over again and the weirdness over some kids having aged five years while the rest of them didn’t worked perfectly for the corner of the MCU this movie was playing in. Those felt like realistic teen complaints and they’re all I needed from this film in terms of the Blip.

Flash (Tony Revolori) was funny and I liked the surprise beat at the end about his parents not arriving at the airport to welcome him back. His adoration of Spider-man and jerkiness to Peter is still a fun combination too, though I would like to see Peter ruminate on that dichotomy a little more. Give Peter a moment where he feels like he’s getting one over on Flash because his bully idolizes his alter ego or something, then pull the rug out from under him with Flash being Flash (they almost have this moment here, but it’s more about establishing Flash’s Spider-fandom than Peter really considering/laughing at it). Still, I can't wait to see how he reacts to the knowledge that Peter is Spider-man! The teachers (J.B. Smoove, Martin Star) were great again too! Peter has one of the best supporting casts in the MCU and this film was no different. Mr. Harrison's tragic and over-shared love life was great fun, as was science teacher Mr. Dell being convinced the Elementals were the work of witches. Even though they do care about the students, the teachers being so inept goes a long way towards justifying how easy it is for Peter to slip away to do his hero thing. It’s also very funny; I wouldn’t change a thing! I liked that they made a point of joking that there had been very little science on this science club trip, but as excuses to get them to Europe go, it didn't bother me at all that they never got to study science.

I was delighted to see JK Simmons return as J. Jonah Jameson! That was a great bit and the evolution of the character into a Fox News-styled conspiracy theorist pundit who peddles lies is a perfect direction to take the character. I can't wait to see where he goes next! It would make total sense for him to hire the Scorpion (who already wants revenge on Spidey) or Kraven to take down the "menace" of Spider-man (perhaps as a dry run for the Sinister Six) in this context. I'm also wondering if we'll finally hear "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" as a rebuke to JJ from Peter: with such a large platform that commands power and implies trustworthiness, Jonah (and the press in general) has a responsibility to tell the truth, especially in an age where people will believe anything. As bad as our leaders are, the press enabling them by publishing conspiracy theories and not calling lies out as lies is an equally enormous problem and that would be an excellent “villain” to tackle in the next Spider-man. I wonder if they’ll let Peter re-establish his secret ID, or if he’ll end up accepting his pubic status as a way of showing he’s different from the liar leading the Daily Bugle.

The world of this film was great and I'm eager to see more of Peter's corner of the MCU. I liked that they continued to emphasize the diversity of the real world through Peter’s classmates; we definitely need more of that (in addition to getting more diverse characters as leads). I thoroughly enjoyed the acting from everyone in the cast. The pacing was perfect and they balanced the romantic drama, decisions about Peter's future, action, comedy, and stakes very well! There was a cool variety of fight scenes and I really liked Peter working to secure buildings and civilians while Mysterio took on the Elementals. The CGI was great and well-used. Michael Giacchino’s score was excellent once again! I really like his orchestral version of the 60s Spider-man cartoon theme (and hope we get a similar rendition of the 90s X-men theme for their reboot), as well as the other themes Giacchino developed for this series. The pop culture songs they used are great, but they shouldn't shy away from songs today's kids like as well. As a kid in the 90s, I listened to songs from the 60s on an oldies station along with current music so it doesn't bother me that Peter's music also spans decades, but there should be a more even mix of the two. I’ve seen comments online about how using modern music would date the film, but a major reason the 80s classics are “timeless” is because the people who grew up with them now use them in their films. Peter and his tastes shouldn’t be limited to what a 30-40 year old thinks is cool; they should be what the current teens think are cool.

I wonder how Peter being unmasked will affect Vulture for keeping his ID a secret, to say nothing of how it's going to wreck his personal life. This should be a seismic shift in his status quo and I hope they don't skip over it again like with May finding out. Maybe Black Cat could help Peter navigate the “criminal” lifestyle and make things even more complicated for him when he’s seen hanging out with an actual thief. Maybe Peter will get snarkier because of all this (since these movies are already so funny I didn’t notice his lack of quips until I saw author Gail Simone mention it on Twitter, but this turn of events could be a way to sharpen his comedy a bit). How will it affect May? Regardless of my (ultimately small) misgivings with certain aspects of this Peter’s development, Tom Holland is excellent in the role and they're telling their story very well, so I’m happy and excited to see as many adventures as he’s willing to suit up for! Who knows; maybe they can make Miles Morales the self-made, homemade Spidey instead of Pete. If he were Peter's contemporary instead of his multiverse counterpart here—do their team-up like a buddy cop movie with them as competing teenage Spider-men—they could make a statement out of Peter getting handed the keys to Tony’s kingdom while Miles has to resort to homemade methods, which would be pretty cool and socially relevant.

Whatever the future of the MCU has in store for Peter, I can't wait to see it! Far From Home is an absolute blast that's neck-and-neck with Homecoming for best live-action Spider-man film (Into the Spider-verse is still the best Spider- (and superhero) film overall) and you should definitely see this while it's in theaters!

 Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[1dreality]

Zayn Malik was never the celebrity you thought he was. If it wasn’t already obvious from his detached, often melancholic interviews in the wake of his 2015 departure from One Direction, it will be from the title of his second solo album. The very elongated 27-track Icarus Falls is comprised of more of the sparse R&B that Malik has perfected since his first release Mind of Mine in 2016, but like its titular myth is also indebted to themes of incredible ascent and crushing decline.

A decline not of Malik’s career, it should be said, but rather of his own mental health, the album serving as both an intimate meditation on Malik’s life so far and a dire warning about the trauma of instant fame. It all leads to one obvious question: Is Zayn OK?

In an age of millennial openness and Instagram confessionals, Malik remains something of an outlier: an enormously famous and highly visible celebrity, but one whose ambiguity allows us to project much onto him. In our collective consciousness, he has been the 1D-fleeing villain, smoking cigarettes, being mean to his bandmates on Twitter and looking miserable as well as the “soft boy” pin-up, a vulnerable figure in desperate need of a hug.

Much of that ambiguity is intentional. Along with declining to tour Mind of Mine, Malik is often press-shy, choosing not to take part in TV sit-downs or play the social media game in an era in which somebody like Ariana Grande spends much of the waking day interacting with her fans on Twitter and Instagram.

And while Malik has been open about some of his past struggles, including his battle with an eating disorder at the height of his One Direction fame and consistent difficulties with anxiety, they’re often revelations that feel accidental in nature. We learn of them during an unexpected moment of truth-telling between him and a journalist, the subject quickly changed soon after, or through lyrics that are just descriptive enough to imply deep truths. Even talking about his anxiety in an essay for Time Magazine felt like a necessary course-correction after a string of cancelled gigs led to unflattering rumours about his health in the press.

Whether Malik’s public persona is intended as a protective mask or not, it is still difficult, particularly in the wake of Icarus Falls, not to feel something for him. After all, his jump from a working-class kid to an international superstar worth a reported $50 million, practically overnight, is the sort of trajectory most of us would struggle with at the age of 40, let alone at 17 when Malik auditioned for The X Factor.

Icarus Falls doesn’t cover any new sonic ground for Malik as an artist. It sees him return to the same well of threadbare, silky R&B that helped Mind of Mine easily trounce his fellow One Direction bandmates in the “best first solo record” stakes. But it does whirr with a noticeable sadness, Malik repeatedly mourns the peace of his pre-X Factor past and beats himself up for mistakes he feels that he’s made since. And when he speaks of emotional pain, it often sounds not like something confined to history, but rather something he’s dealing with every day.

“I’d rather be anywhere but here,” he sings on Good Years. “I close my eyes and see a crowd of a thousand tears / I pray to God I didn’t waste all my good years.” On Insomnia: “I’ve been roaming and strolling all in the streets / Burning my eyes red, not slept for weeks.” On Back to Life: “I been flying so long / Can’t remember what it was like to be sober.” On Satisfaction: “Nobody said this would be easy / Nobody gave me a rule book to follow.”

Even typical love songs are fatalistic in nature, talk of Armageddon running through both Flight of the Stars (“I will follow / Hold you close standing on the edge of no tomorrow”) and Tonight (“Love me like tomorrow’s never gonna come”), while much of the album nods to an unnamed great love in Malik’s life that he needs to overcome incredible odds to be with – nothing new for love songs, but given a greater weight when paired with his statements over the years. Because if we know anything about Zayn Malik, it’s that he often can’t stand being Zayn Malik.

Through much of the little press he has done, Malik has expressed unease with most of the trappings of fame, particularly the assumptions that he ought to be personable and friendly with industry figures or musical collaborators. And when it comes to One Direction, he still appears burnt by the experience. While he told Vogue in November that he has recently been able to see his time with the band as “an amazing experience,” despite the “bulls---” of what he refers to as “the machine,” he also told GQ in June that he didn’t make any actual friends during the peak of his fame: “I definitely have issues trusting people.”

In the numerous articles that pop up every winter recalling how good The X Factor used to be, clips are embedded that showcase many of its most memorable contestants, and every year it becomes that bit more shocking how much One Direction looked like children during their time on the show. The scrawny limbs, those Justin Bieber haircuts, the awkward school-talent-show bopping and shuffling. It somehow worked, enough at least to turn them into a tween phenomenon, but in hindsight it’s indefensible that they were pushed as significantly as they were.

There was always something deer-in-the-headlights about the band in its early days, a sense that at least a few of them had been pulled along for the ride as opposed to having a firm grip on the steering wheel. The hunger so visible in pop bands of similar notoriety, whether manufactured or not, wasn’t always visible – and while all of them have transitioned into stable adults who are, for the most part, comfortable in the spotlight, their jarringly different responses to fame remain clear.

It’s important to remember, for context’s sake, that Malik was always a reluctant star. Only attending his original X Factor audition after being guilted by his mother into waking up early and making the journey there, he was, in his own words to The Fader, “a lazy teen”. And even during the audition stages, he expressed reluctance to properly join in, walking off stage during a choreography rehearsal and having to be coaxed to go back. At the time, Malik’s reaction registered as a petulant strop, but now feels oddly prescient.

Of Malik’s One Direction bandmates, Harry Styles was always the most naturally inclined to superstardom – such an affable schmoozer and networker that it was quickly no longer surprising to see images of him palling around with Mick Jagger or Stevie Nicks. Liam Payne always bore the personality of someone very eager to be seen, lack of self-awareness very much included, while the perpetually chipper Niall Horan has always simply appeared very, very happy to be there. But both Malik and Louis Tomlinson have often visibly struggled, uninspired by the more performative and fraudulent elements of celebrity, or the levels of attention handed to them by Simon Cowell and co.

“What I really can’t ever get used to, or really enjoy, are these super geared-up celebrity parties,” Tomlinson told Noisey last year. “No one actually cares. You see people who are beyond self-absorbed, and that’s why it can be a dangerous place.”

Malik has echoed similar sentiments. “I don’t work well in group situations, with loads of people staring at me,” he told GQ. “And when you say ‘star’… everyone wants you to be this kind of character that owns a room or is overly arrogant or confident. I’m not that guy, so I don’t want to be a star.”

What’s odd is that, for all his claims, Malik does bear all the superficial trappings of modern stardom. He’s a fashion darling but is permanently magnetised to the covers of cool indie magazines. Furthermore, his on-again/off-again relationship with supermodel Gigi Hadid has, since 2015, become a Generation Z equivalent of Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder in its aesthetic-heavy, era-defining popularity.

But Malik is also simultaneously detached. The GQ profile, his most extensive recent interview, bears all the hallmarks of a journalist struggling to fulfil a word count because of an uncommunicative subject, writer Carrie Battan even expresses Malik’s tendency to reply to her questions in “friendly but anodyne one-liners.” Like the very best of pop idols, from Britney to Beyoncé, Malik is so compelling principally because he’s so hard to read. But this can also be a poisoned chalice: every expression of doubt or self-pity determined to be a cry for help, every revelation shaping an image that may or may not be real.

It means that listening to Icarus Falls isn’t an entirely joyous experience, Malik’s lyrics painting a picture of a young man still working through the discomfort of his sudden fame and the trauma of a moment in the spotlight marred by illness and fractured relationships, many of its scars still visible today. But it’s also a record that you can’t help but admire as a result, especially if it serves as a form of catharsis for him.

In the decade since Britney Spears was forcibly taken to the hospital surrounded by hundreds of paparazzi photographers, our collective relationship with the idea of fame has greatly altered, particularly for a generation who watched Amy Winehouse essentially die before their eyes. The one beneath them are currently coming to terms with a raft of recent pop star crises, from Demi Lovato’s overdose to the deaths of artists like Mac Miller and Lil Peep.

For all the obvious charms in Malik’s life, from his incredible fortune to a kind of artistic freedom that he never had in One Direction, you’d have to be particularly cold not to feel empathy for the sheer strangeness of his adult existence; a world of rampant, maddening attention that has historically led even the strongest of stars into tragedy.

The Zayn Malik of today is a little bruised, a little listless, his magazine profiles never complete without references to the cloud of marijuana smoke that lingers around him, or his need to lock himself away from the world. It doesn’t sound like the most ideal of outcomes for a man who calls himself a pop idol Icarus and sings with whispery detachment that he has “[flown] too close to the sun.” But we can only hope that it at least serves as a parachute.

[darringauthier]

Slaughter House Rulez (2018)

Genre: Comedy/Horror

Who’s In It: Michael Sheen, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Asa Butterfield, Finn Cole, Hermione Corfield, Kit Connor, Tom Rhys Harries

Who Directed It: Crispian Mills

Plot:  An illustrious British boarding school becomes a bloody battleground when a mysterious sinkhole appears at a nearby fracking site unleashing unspeakable horror.

Running Time: 1 Hour 44 Minutes 

IMDB Score: 5.2

Why I Watched It: The trailer looked alright, it was on sale on iTunes and mostly I liked the adult cast.

Random Thoughts: I’m an old movie pro and still sometimes you read things or see trailers and the marketing fools you, now there’s times when you read somethings into it and it’s your fault and there’s other times you’re lied to and this is one of those times.  I went in excepting a horror comedy with Pegg, Frost and Sheen in important roles, now if I knew what the films really was I probably would have passed so the marketing team did there job they got my money.

What I Liked It: Not a whole heck of a lot this is a boring mess of a film and really disappointing.  The only thing that stood out for me was Asa Butterfield you deserved a better film and honestly it seems like he’s in a different film.  His backstory is rich and sad and does not fit into the film at all, he has sub plots that go nowhere and really this film if it would have been a straight drama might have worked with Butterfield as the lead.  He plays a student who is mourning the suicide death of his roommate and we learn his lover, now read that line and then read the plot summary.  Now that sub plot is in an unfunny and not scary horror film that is full of cliches and gross out humor.   None of this stuff works together.

The only other thing that is decent here is Nick Frost who is trying but again he’s given a tragic backstory that doesn’t work either but he tries.

What I Didn’t Like: On one level this film just didn’t work and has the problem most horror comedies have it’s not funny or scary and the two genres fight each other.  Now what Slaughter House Rulez also has working against it is it’s boring and badly made.  They had money and they had a pretty good cast but man this just didn’t come together at all.  

Not only is this film film full of cliches but there lazy cliches.  Now the funny thing is even though this is suppose to be a horror comedy it’s mostly a school drama that is trying to be funny and they use every cliche of that genre they could thing of, and a couple of them are very lazy.  So we have the lead who of course is poor and of course he falls in love with the prettiest girl in the school, of course he’s told to stay away and of course they don’t have anything in common and barely speaks but low and behold she likes him too, for know reason.  We get nothing to make this feel real and of course they throw in the school bully who here is a nut case and turns into one of those crazy unkillable villains that have no character depth or character for that matter except to make the plot move.

The thing that bothered me the most is the acting here is not great and everyone is in different films, Pegg is a cliched of himself here and gives a tired and lifeless performance, Sheen is too over the top and again doesn’t fit the film.  The worst performance is given by Finn Cole, he couldn’t be more boring, or bored, and he mumbles almost all of his lines, it’s not his accent he honestly mumbles and yells all his lines, as a lead he gives the film almost nothing, now granted the script doesn’t help but look at what Butterfield does with this at least he’s trying.

The film oddly kind of pissed me off about half way through not only cause it was boring but because of the laziness and how cliched it was and then around the two thirds mark I realized this film is bad and it’s not getting better and actually it gets worst.  This film just throw a tone of crap on the wall and almost none of it stuck.  They had a horror comedy that wasn’t funny at all, I smiled one time, no laughs and it wasn’t even a decent horror idea.

Final Thoughts: Just a very disappointing film, one of the worst I’ve seen this year.

Rating: 3/10

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part One {AO3} {Read from the Beginning}

Chapter Twenty → in which Lilac gives her siblings allergic reactions

“Yes. Yes. No. Yes.” Violet said into the phone. She glanced over at Lilac, who was curled up against the wall, her head buried in her knees, and then over at Nick and Klaus, who were sitting at the table and watching her. Solitude and Sunny laid on top of the counter, staring sadly down at two limes they’d found for them. “Yes. I understand. Yes. Thank you. Yes, I’ll tell them. Yes.”

She hung up the phone, and then said, “Mr Poe says we can always rely on Mulctuary Money Management, and he’ll be here in an hour.”

“Fuck that.” Nick said.

Violet groaned and sat down, pushing her hair back. “We’re in so much shit. Aunt Josephine is dead, Mr Poe’s going to hand us over to Count Olaf-”

“God, we shouldn’t have read him the note.” Nick sighed. “We could’ve torn it up, and then at least Count Olaf wouldn’t have us.”

“There’s something about this note.” Klaus said, flipping it over in his hands. “It’s funny.”

“There’s nothing funny about a woman committing suicide.” Violet said.

“No, no, wrong ‘funny.’” Klaus said. “It’s… weird. There’s too many grammatical errors.”

Lilac finally looked up, shooting Klaus a sharp glare. “Why are you grammar-checking a suicide note?”

“Aunt Josephine would’ve.” Klaus said. “She said her greatest joy in life was grammar!”

“She was about to die, she probably didn’t care anymore.” Violet said.

“Maybe.” Klaus said. “Or… or maybe this note isn’t hers.”

Nick stared at him. “Do you think Olaf forged it?”

“He doesn’t give a shit about grammar, does he?” Klaus asked. “He wouldn’t care if his note was correct or not.”

“If we can prove to Mr Poe that it’s fake,” Violet said, “Then we won’t have to go to Olaf!”

“Everything’ll be okay!” Nick said.

“No!” They all jumped as Lilac jumped to her feet, sounding furious. “No, everything will not be okay!”

“Lilac?” Violet looked confused.

“Aunt Josephine is dead.” Lilac said. “She’s dead and none of you even care!”

“Lilac, of course we care!” Violet said. “But if Count Olaf-”

“I don’t give a shit about Count Olaf!” Lilac shouted. “Our guardian is dead, again! We couldn’t save her!”

“Li-”

“We couldn’t…” Lilac hugged herself, shutting her eyes. “We couldn’t…”

Klaus ran over, trying to hug her, but she yanked herself away, saying, “I’ll be in our room. You guys do whatever you want.”

“Lilac!” Violet called, but she just ran off, and she didn’t come out until Mr Poe arrived.

“You believe this is forged?” Poe asked, coughing into his handkerchief.

Lilac stood in the corner, still hugging herself and refusing to make eye contact with any of her siblings. Sunny and Soli were trying to distract themselves with Sunny’s pack of cards, as they built a tower on the counter.

“Yes.” Nick said. “Aunt Josephine was obsessed with grammar. She’d never make these many spelling mistakes.”  

“Perhaps she was stressed.” Poe said. “After all, she was about to jump from a window.”

“She was pushed! This isn’t her note!” Violet insisted.

“Now, children,” Poe said, “Why would this Captain Sham person murder your Aunt and forge a note?”

“Because he’s really Count Olaf in disguise!” Nick said.

“Children, I understand the three of you have had terrible experiences, but I hope you’re not letting your imagination get the best of you. Remember when you lived with your Uncle Monty, and you were convinced his assistant, Stephano, was really Count Olaf?”

“But he was.” Violet said.

“Now, there’s no need to get upset.” Poe said. “There’s an easy way to solve this. We simply must compare her note to her actual writing and look for similarities or differences.”

“That’s… actually a decent idea.” Klaus said.

“Aunt Josephine left a shopping list on the counter.” Violet said. “Sunny, Soli, can you-”

Solitude leaned towards the fridge, barely managing to grab the fluttering note, and she crumpled it in her tiny fist before throwing it at Violet’s face. Violet caught it, glared at her, and then unfolded the list, placing it next to the note. Poe turned on a bright light, and they all surrounded the papers- except Lilac, who just stared at the floor.

“Now, see, children,” Poe said. “The handwriting does match. You see, the tip of the V in ‘vinegar’ and ‘Violet’ are curved the same, and the C in ‘cucumber’ and ‘Captain Sham’ have the same squiggle.”

“But-” Violet said.

“And look,” Poe added, “You can see that her ‘i’s are dotted with ovals instead of circles. There’s no doubt that she wrote both pieces of paper.”

Klaus took a deep breath. “Okay, maybe she did write it. But I still think Captain Sham is behind this.”

“But you see,” Poe said, “Your Aunt Josephine wrote this note, which makes it a legal document.”

“What?” Nick said.

“This is her last will and testament, meaning we have to respect her wishes and take you to Captain Sham.” Poe said.

“No!” Klaus said.

“We won’t go live with him!” Nick shouted.

“We’ll run away!” Violet said.

“Grof!” Solitude shouted. “I’ll throw a frog in his face again!”

“Now, children, I won’t have you make trouble for this guardian.” Poe said. “Is that his business card? I’ll give him a call.”

“Yes.” Klaus said miserably, and Poe took the card and went to find the phone in the hall.

As soon as he was gone, Klaus said, “This is bullshit. It can’t be a last will and testament without witnesses, and there were no witnesses.”

“Do you really think Poe cares?” Nick snapped. “This is just an easy guardian to pick for us, so he doesn’t have to waste time on finding someone willing to take us.”

“That can’t be the reason.” Klaus said.

“It is, Klaus, live with it.” Nick said. “He doesn’t give a shit about us, he’s not going to listen to us, Count Olaf is going to be our guardian again, and we’re all going to- are you even listening to me?”

Klaus had turned back to Josephine’s note, eyes narrowing. “I- I think I might have an idea.” he said.

“What?” Violet asked.

“About the note. But we need to-”

Poe walked back in and said, “Good news, Baudelaires! I just got off the phone with Captain Sham, and he was shocked to hear about Josephine’s death, but very excited at the prospect of raising you children! We’re going to meet him for brunch at the Anxious Clown, and after brunch, we will discuss your adoption. Come along, children- someone get the twins.”

“Solitude and Sunny aren’t twins.” Nick rolled his eyes. “Klaus and I are.”

“Yes, of course. Let’s hurry up, we should be able to finalize the adoption before nightfall.”

“But-” Nick began.

“No ‘but’s. Let’s hurry up.” Poe said.

He turned to go, and Klaus immediately ran to Violet and Lilac, who’d moved to pick up their younger siblings. “Li, Vi!” he said. “We have to have more time! I need to look at the note again, I think I can prove there’s something wrong with it!”

“We don’t have more time!” Violet said.

“I think Josephine left us a message!” Klaus said. “We have to-”

“Baudelaires! Come along!”

Klaus looked at his sisters. “Please. Can’t you think of something?”

“Klaus, I-” Violet began.

Then, in a slightly broken voice, Lilac said, “I have an idea.”

They turned towards her, as she slowly pulled her ribbon off of her dress, tying up her hair. “It might take a while,” she said, “But if Josephine left us a message… do you all trust me?”

“Of course.” Nick said, and Violet and Klaus nodded.

“Then…” Lilac glanced towards the doorway, where Poe was likely waiting. “Trust me.”

She didn’t say anything more, but she didn’t need to.

“Hello, I’m Larry, your waiter.”

The Baudelaires, crowded against a table in this goofy clown-themed restaurant, looked up at the waiter dressed as a clown. He seemed very nervous, as he continued, “Welcome to the Anxious Clown restaurant- where everybody has a good time, whether they like it or not. I can see we have a whole family lunching together today, so allow me to recommend the Extra Fun Special Family Appetizer. It’s a bunch of things fried up together and served with a sauce.”

“What a wonderful idea!” Captain Sham said, smiling in a very cold way. “An Extra Fun Special Family Appetizer for an extra fun special family!”

“I’ll just have water, please.” Violet said.

“Same for me, thank you.” Klaus said. “And some ice cubes for our baby sisters.”

“Dead fly.” Solitude said, but thankfully none of the adults heard her and asked why she’d want something like that, nor why her dress pocket was squirming.

“A coffee, if that’s alright.” Lilac said.

“Same for me, with nondairy creamer.” Poe said.

“Oh, no, Mr Poe,” Captain Sham said, “Let’s share a nice big bottle of red wine.”

“No, thank you, Captain Sham.” Poe said. “I don’t like to drink during banking hours.”

“I’ll split it with you!” Nick said, and Lilac elbowed him so hard he shouted, “Ow! The hell, Li?”

“Ignore him, Nicholas isn’t old enough to drink.” Poe said.

“It’s Nick.” Nick corrected again.

“Oh, of course I know that, I know how to care for children.” Sham said. “I’ll be caring for them from now on, and I am very excited about it!”

“Now, Captain Sham,” Poe said, “It is heartening to see that you are glad to raise the Baudelaires, but you must understand that the children are rather upset about their Aunt Josephine.”  

“Ah, yes,” Sham  said, immediately dropping his voice to a mournful tone, “Josephine was one of my oldest and dearest friends.”

“You met her yesterday.” Klaus said.

“Yes, it does feel like yesterday.” Sham said. “We were oven partners in cooking school.”

“Bull.” Sunny said.

“Aunt Josephine was not your oven partner,” Violet said, “She was terrified that the stove would burst into flame.”

“Now, Violet,” Poe said, “Stoves very rarely burst into flame.”

“You clearly haven’t been around Klaus long enough.” Nick said.

“Anyway,” Sham said, shooting the children a glare, “Josephine’s death was a great loss.”

The waiter startled them by saying, “Josephine is dead?” The children jumped, having forgotten he was there.

“Yes.” Sham said with a dark smile. “Jumped into the lake.”

The waiter stared a moment, and then said, “I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion. In that case-”

Lilac jumped, something unknown clicking in her mind. “I’m sorry, can you repeat-”

“-the Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers! The pickles, mustard and ketchup make a little smiley face on top of the burger, which is guaranteed to get you smiling, too.”

“That sounds like a good idea!” Captain Sham said. “Bring us all Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers, Larry!”

As the waiter left, Violet tried to shoot Lilac a look, to try and prompt her to put her plan into action, but Lilac was still staring after the waiter, as if trying to remember something.

“After we’ve finished, Captain Sham,” Poe said, “There are several important papers you will have to sign. I have them in my briefcase, and after lunch we’ll look them over.”

“And then the children will be mine?”

“Well, you will be caring for them, yes. Of course, the Baudelaire fortune will still be under my supervision until Lilac comes of age.”

“What fortune?” Captain Sham asked. “I don’t know anything about a fortune.”

“Duna!” Sunny shouted. “Of course you do!”

“The Baudelaire parents left their children a fortune to be used when Lilac comes of age.” Poe said.

“I have no interest in any fortunes.” Sham said. “I have my sailboats, and that’s all I need.”

“Lilac.” Violet poked her sister’s arm, whispering quietly. “Lilac, are you-?”

“Yes, shut up.” Lilac said. “We need the food.”

“Why-”

“Shut up and trust me.”

“What are you children whispering about?” Sham asked.

Lilac snapped to attention. “I’m sorry,” she said, throwing an arm around her sister and pulling her into a half-hug, ignoring Violet’s cry of protest. “I’m comforting my sister. She’s distraught. She loved Aunt Josephine.”

Violet gave her a look of murder. “Absolutely.” she hissed.

“Here are your cheeseburgers!” Larry said, returning with two trays, several burgers stacked on top. He started passing them out, and Poe started talking about some banking story or another. As soon as Captain Sham turned towards him, trying to pay attention, Lilac finally tightened her ribbon, and reached into her coat pocket.

Still in her pockets, from over a week ago, were the peppermints that Poe had given to them. Lilac carefully pulled the bag open, trying to be as quiet as possible, and she slowly pulled out six mints. She realized quickly that they were each wrapped in a bit of cellophane, and she did not trust Nick and Sunny to be able to unwrap them quietly, so she did it herself, slowly twisting each bit of paper until she had all the mints free. Then she turned towards Violet, noticing that Nick and Soli were on her other side, and she slowly put three mints on her sister’s lap. Violet glanced down for a moment, realized immediately what they were to do, and passed two mints to Nick, who passed one to Soli, as Lilac passed two to Klaus, who passed one on to Sunny.

And while none of the adults were looking, the children each ate a peppermint.

The Baudelaire peppermint allergies were famous for being quick-acting, so within only a few minutes, Poe looked up and said, “My goodness, you children look terrible!”

“We feel terrible.” Violet said. “Look, Nick and I have broken out in hives.”

“I hate this.” Nick said under his breath, scratching his skin. “I hate this.”

“Bluh.” Lilac tried to say, only to find that her tongue had already swollen up. “Bluh, bluh-”  

“Lilac, I can’t understand you.” Poe said.

“Bluh bluh bluh.” Klaus tried to say.

“Bluh.” said Solitude, scratching her own hives, upset to realize that she had both those and a swollen tongue. As did Sunny, who started to wail.

“We must be allergic to something in the burgers.” Violet said.

“Just take deep breaths.” Captain Sham said, not even looking up from his food.

“We feel terrible.” Violet said. “I think we should go home and lie down.”

“Nonsense.” Sham said. “You shouldn’t leave in the middle of lunch.”

“Bluh!” Klaus said.

“The children seem quite ill.” Poe said. “I’ll pay the bill and we’ll take them home.”

“No!” Nick said. “We’ll get a taxi! You two stay here and do paperwork. Who doesn’t want to do paperwork?”

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you all alone.” Sham said darkly.

“Well, there is quite a lot of paperwork to go over.” Poe conceded. “We wouldn’t be leaving them alone for long.”

“Our allergies are fairly mild.” Violet said. “We’ll just lie down for an hour or two while you have lunch, and Captain Sham can come retrieve us once he’s signed the papers.”

“I’ll do that.” Sham promised. “I’ll do that very, very soon.”

“Come on, everyone.” Violet said, watching Nick lift Solitude and Klaus lift Sunny. She grabbed Lilac’s arm, tugging her up and dragging her towards the door.

“Leaving so soon?” Larry asked, coming out of the kitchen.

“Afraid so.” Violet said apologetically. “Wonderful burgers.”

“I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.” the waiter said.

Lilac stared after him, but all she could say was, “Bluh?” before Violet dragged her, and their other siblings, out the doors.