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euroquision · 6 months ago

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"The Fairest of Them All" A EuroQuision Article

Hello everyone! I hope you're ready for the first official EuroQuision article release! This one is a mathematical doozy, but trust me when I say this is worth the read. If you wanna download a PDF of the article, you can do so here!

And if you don't feel like downloading the whole thing, I'll be copying the entire article into this post after the section break so you can read it here! Thanks so much to the Patrons and other supporters that make this work possible!

The Fairest of Them All

By Beatrice Quinn

Quickly: what is the most overrated song of Eurovision 2024?

…got an answer? Ok, now: Prove it.

Today we’re talking about one of the most ambiguous, aimless, misunderstood metrics we use to say whether a song is overrated or not, and that is: Ratings. Literally! Now, we’re familiar with “ranking” Eurovision songs – dragging and re-dragging “Halo” up and down your 2022 scoreboard depending on whether or not you think Pia Maria is a real person or not – and other such activities! Ranking is crucial and emblematic to the existence of Eurovision and its fans, it hardly needs to be said. Developing babies watch the dancing fruits of Cocomelon, we watch a series of rectangles and numbers combine to shift and jump around aimlessly until they eventually settle in place. And once they’ve settled in place, forever to remain unmoving from those results, fans all across the world will continue to exist in a frenzy about how they should have landed instead.

But what’s the difference between ranking and rating? And by extension, why are the phrases “overrated” and “underrated” thrown around so frequently? Well, ranking songs is an action that always exists in and around the context of all competing songs that year. That’s why when the first Eurovision song of the season rolls around – usually courtesy of our lovely Albanians – it’s ridiculous and repeatedly unfunny to see YouTubers upload their “Eurovision 2021: Top 1 Ranking” videos. Rating a song is something you can do whether you’re talking about one song, or 42 songs. You don’t have to judge the songs ranked against each other. You can judge it based on its own merits or whatever frame of reference you have. I’m not here to write an article trying to tell people how they can or can’t rate songs – I would only ever tell that to the WiwiJury. And I would tell them politely, yet firmly, to stop.

No, I’m writing all this to do one thing: To give you a quick math lesson! And by quick, I really mean it, I promise. I swear I’m not a nerd! Well, that’s a lie. I’m a huge nerd. But I’m not a math nerd. It would be more accurate to say I’m a numbers nerd – specifically, Eurovision numbers. That’s the kind of numbers we like! We’ve seen our share of Twitter polls, asking us to choose between anything from Biggest National Final Robberies to “do you think Joker Out read the fanfic?” We just love stats and percentages! So I’m here to put those to the test in the most straight-forward, least-opinionated way possible. And let me be so clear about this: This article is not going to try and definitely prove anyone’s personal tastes right or wrong. This is about the mathematical results of how we rate Eurovision songs and whether or not this provides any accuracy.

Before we get into all the numbers: Let’s say you’re an Albania stan – a type of stan I’m familiar with, fond of, and am deeply frightened by – and you go to EurovisionWorld.com to excitedly check the results of the star ratings left by online visitors from every end of the earth, all coming to rate a song you’re excited to rate and enjoy yourself. You get there and you see: 2 stars – 2,815 ratings. Your heart sinks. “Only two stars? Is this actually a bad song? Do people hate the song? Am I dumb for liking it?” These are all things we’ve all felt about certain songs we hold dear to our heart, but it really doesn’t make sense, right? Why should a number generated by the preferences of 2,815 people sway your feelings towards a song you like? Then, as the season goes on, more songs pop up and get rated as well. As your Albanian gem middles out around 2.3 stars after 5,000 or so people decided to rate it, you see a grinning Dutch lad beating out the majority of the competition in terms of stars. “Wait, that just has so many views and over ten thousand more ratings than Albania has, what gives?” Then: the accusations start. “Joost is overrated!!” “Baby Lasagna’s hype won’t last forever.” “Vidbir said they’ll announce the results after six business days, not counting shipping and handling, but when they do, they’re gonna be so overrated.” And on the flip side: “Everyone is sleeping on Dons.” “Hera shock Q in May.” Various statements that however passionate are sadly not actually provable – at least, not in the moment.

It goes without saying that a Eurovision song’s rating out of 5 stars on EurovisionWorld does not, in any way, affect the results and winners of Eurovision. Instead, these ratings exist as a rare form of communal discussion. While the subjectivity of musical taste varies, we all get to share our opinions. And this process is what leaves us with two sides of the same undefinable coin: Over or Under Rated.

We all have experiences with people or conversations where a fun song may be chastised for being overrated, or overly praised for being underrated. The attitude for or against a song doesn’t always exist like this – you can love an overrated song and hate an underrated one, I don’t care. But the point here is: these terms are something we relate to being an idea or descriptor, rather than something that can be mathematically determined. In fact, by treating the Eurovision “rating” system in its current state as purely a matter of statistics, we can then use that information to reference other claims against it. It’s quite scientific, if I do say so myself. Now, are both my college degrees in film, music, and writing? Yes. Did I ever get anything higher than a B in any math class I’ve ever taken? No. But allow me to explain!

If someone were to say “Sweden is overrated,” what if there were a way to actually find out if that’s accurate or not? And once you find that out with some quick math, you can use that as evidence as to why or why not Sweden is overrated. My hope is that once we find out whether a song is mathematically overrated or underrated, we can then discuss possible reasons why or why not. Of course, this kind of question is going to be answered by collecting a LOT of numbers and doing a LOT of organization. Luckily I know someone who personally is sick enough in the head to sit down and pour through all the numbers, make the spreadsheets, make the graph, explain the equation, and write the article about it.

…it’s me. I think the “write the article” part was a giveaway, but here we are! So enough fluff, let’s get rating!

CHAPTER 1: The EuroQuision Equation!

Say that five times fast. And if you choose not to say that five times fast: I respect your decision, but I am disappointed in you.

So, we’re working with numbers. That means I am now tasked with figuring out the best way to observe the information I’m given, find out how it all balances out, and how do we compare all of that together? For context, there are two key components to finding out how over or underrated a Eurovision song is. As you’ll see while scrolling down the songs of any Eurovision year, you’ll see the stars beside them which are a result of ratings given by any IP address that rates the song. So not only do you get to see a song’s star rating, you can also see how many people contributed to that average rating. For anyone who doesn’t know, averages are a mathematical result of adding up the values of a set of inputs, then dividing that total by the amount of inputs. It’s hard to explain averages in a proper sentence, so here’s an example. If you are given the numbers 4, 8, and 3, you would first add up the numbers. 4+8+3 equals 15. Then, you take the sum (15) and divide it by how many numbers you added together. You added 3 numbers, so you divide (15 / 3) and find the average of 4, 8, and 3 is 5.

This is how those star ratings show up the way they do. If a song is rated by 10,000 people, you would add up the total stars given by each person, then divide that by 10,000. However, there’s another statistic we can find out by collecting all of this information. Like I said before in the Albania example, there are songs that only get 10,000 ratings by April, and others have hit over 40,000. You would think it’s as simple as saying “The songs with the most ratings are overrated, case closed.” But I’m here to say: not quite! If you were to rank the songs by most to least amount of ratings, that’s one result to find, sure. But I’m choosing to ask: what’s the average amount of ratings themselves? It’s something we can actually find out, since we have all the information!

Needing only the numbers provided by EurovisionWorld.com, we can find out what the average number of ratings is, and what the average number of stars is. We can’t really say who is over or underrated until we have an idea of how many people have contributed to these ratings. After finding these averages, the next step would be to compare and contrast how close or far each country deviates from those averages. Let’s say, if I were to add up all the star scores and find their average, I get an average of 3 stars. Therefore, any song that scores fewer stars than that is under average, and those scoring higher are above average. The same goes for ratings. After adding up EVERY number of ratings from each country and dividing by 37, we’ll know the average number of times a Eurovision 2024 song is rated. This will matter greatly in comparison to other years because the global attention to Eurovision grows every year. A year like 2014 is going to have a significantly lower average number of ratings simply because not as many people rated the songs in comparison to 2024. Sounds easy enough, right?

Ok, even if it’s not “easy” to understand now, it will be very soon! To help guide us into the numbers of it all, I made some visual aids! Let’s stop talking about the numbers and actually start crunching them!

CHAPTER 2: Playing With Numbers

Before we find out if any country is over or underrated, we gotta find our global averages first! Let’s look at the stars first. As you know, a song can achieve anywhere from 1 to 5 stars on EurovisionWorld.com – a very standard format! While we the voters/raters can only select a whole number of stars (one star, four stars, etc.), the website takes all those scores and calculates the average for us and displays that as a more accurate number often with a decimal point. Another important note is that I know this information doesn’t exist in stasis: songs can continue to be rated long after the contest is over. So for accuracy’s sake, I gathered ALL numerical information for this essay on one day: April 25th! This is to account for a few factors. Like I said, the amount of ratings grows over time and has a recency bias, so I didn’t want to get the ratings in late March. I also didn’t want to wait after the contest, just in case any results of the contest cause a shift in mass ratings from the rest of the world. I chose April 25th to write down every song’s current amount of ratings and current star score so that it reflected nothing but expectation and audience reaction, and without any influence from rehearsals or live shows.

Now, a song’s release day does play a part in how many ratings and stars it gets…most times. We’ll discuss that in the analysis chapter AFTER we go over all the numbers. So, this is all you need to know right now: I collected these numbers on April 25th, 2024. Additionally, there’s something else I did for making the math easier and more score-like, which is that I convert a song’s total amount of ratings into a whole number with one decimal point so that I’m operating with two factors closer to each other in size. For example, if a song has 18,311 ratings, I’m converting that to 18.3 so that I’m working with a star score of, for example, 3.6 and a rating total of 18.3, which are easier to put into the equation and find a Deviation Score that is represented by a small, whole number. The last important detail is that there WILL be more visual aids, and if any of this is still confusing by the end, let me know and I’ll figure out how to make this easier for everyone!

Lastly, you might wonder why I’m looking at both stars and ratings in this big equation. If this is about who is or isn’t fairly rated, why do the star scores matter? Well, I’m factoring both ratings and stars in a song’s Deviation Score because these numbers don’t exist separately from each other. A song only gets a star score after thousands of people leave their opinions, and people share those opinions in this medium by clicking somewhere between one and five stars. Therefore, it isn’t fair to say a song is “overrated” simply because more people have rated that song compared to others. Spam rating exists (as EurovisionWorld has learned the hard way), and there are songs every year that are perceivably more “popular” based on things like YouTube video views or Spotify streams. Those things don’t factor into this because simply watching the video or streaming the song isn’t the same thing as “rating” it. Spotify only has stream counts, and YouTube has a like or dislike button. EurovisionWorld has a conventional 5-star rating system that is determined by people from all around the world and is mathematically calculated. So by giving a song a Deviation Score that’s based on how close/far from average a song is in stars and ratings, we’re acknowledging all the factors that go into this question.

Now onto the numbers! Do you wanna take a guess as to how many ratings were left on EurovisionWorld.com from the start of the season through Apr. 25th? There was a staggering total of 689,968 ratings across 37 songs! Over half a million ratings is a lot of opinions, right? And still that’s barely a fraction of the total people who watch the show itself. Regardless, that’s the information we have to work with! So, if there’s a total of 689,986 ratings given out to 37 different songs, that means our avg. # of ratings is: 689,968 / 37 = 18,647.7838. Obviously, 18,647.7838 is an awfully long, complicated number to use. Therefore, I’m simplifying it to just 18.6 (approx. 18,600 ratings). So, 18.6 is our avg. # of ratings. As for avg. # of stars, there is a grand total of 130.1 stars totalled up between all the songs. This is a really good number, when you consider the math. For example, if every song of 2024 only got on average one (1) star, then we’d have a total of just 37 stars. So with this info, it means our avg. # of stars is: 130.1 / 37 = 3.51621622…… and many more numbers after that. Therefore, I’ll state our avg. # of stars is 3.5. Once again, this is a good number! On a scale of only one to five stars, the average of that would just be 2.5 stars, right in the middle. That means the public thinks that overall, Eurovision 2024 is a bit above an average level of quality. And I would agree! Anyway, just to sum up all the numbers we just found out, I’ll list them here:

Total amount of ratings from all songs: 689,968

Avg. amount of ratings per song: 18.6 (simplified from 18,647)

Total amount of stars from all songs: 130.1

Avg. amount of stars per song: 3.5 (simplified from 3.5162…)

For me, the easy part is over and the hard part begins. Now is when we begin to document every song’s amount of ratings, their star scores, and running the math to see how far above or below the averages they are. For the super hot and cool nerds that like excel sheets, I’ll link the viewable sheet of all the info at the end of the article! For the sake of this article, I’m going to choose a couple key examples, and those are: Sweden, the Netherlands, Iceland, and…sadly, “Israel.”

CHAPTER 3: Do We Have a Valid Result?

Let’s actually see this equation in action and find out what we can learn from all of this. The reason we’re going to be looking at these select countries is that each of them exists at a very specific point on the spectrum of overrated or underrated. We’ll begin with the country that receives arguably the most “overrated” accusations thrown at them in a given Eurovision season, and that is: Sweden! Did you find the twins’ song unforgettable? Regardless, let’s run their numbers through our equation and figure out just how “rated” they are.

As you remember from our graphic, the equation we use is shown as (a - x) + (b - y) = z. Let’s take a look at Sweden’s stats, which are documented altogether in the same list as all 37 songs. “a” is Sweden’s star score. Sweden, as of April 25th, has a score of 3.4 stars. “x” is the total average of stars across all songs, which is 3.5. (3.4 - 3.5) = -0.1. This -0.1 means that Sweden is just ever so slightly below the average score, which is something I would agree with (but that part’s just my opinion). The second half of our equation is about ratings. Sweden was rated on EurovisionWorld a total of 18,259 times. We simplify that big number just to 18.2, and we subtract the average number of ratings from that number. (18.2 - 18.6) = -0.4. Now, we can also observe that in its total number of ratings, Sweden is actually still below average, even though not by a whole lot. Now that we have -0.1 and -0.4 reflecting Sweden’s relationship to the global average of stars and ratings respectively, we combine those! (-0.1) + (-0.4) = -0.5. There you go! Sweden got a score of, overall, slightly underrated. Shocking, right? That’s right, in numbers and stats alone, Sweden is very close to the global averages. However, the claim that they’re “underrated” isn’t as true as it sounds once we look at another country through this equation.

Next, let’s take a look at a country that was 1st in the odds…only to fall from those heights down to a last place finish in their semi-final. Iceland’s song “Scared of Heights” is an interesting case. I won’t try and pretend that these ratings exist separately from a song’s public perception – or at times, their public drama. So don’t worry, we’ll address that and much more after we do more fun math activities. Not many people were running around saying “Husavik 2025!” when this got selected, but how was it rated? Iceland has the literal lowest star score out of all 37 songs this year, sitting at 2 whole stars. Since we know the global average is 3.5, that means Iceland is -1.5 stars from the average. However, this is where we can see the ways ratings and stars can differ. When it comes to stars, a song scores anywhere from 1 to 5; it’s not a very wide range. But for ratings, Iceland only has 10,951 ratings (shown as 10.9). Even compared to Sweden, that’s eight thousand fewer ratings, meaning: people either chose not to go out of their way to leave a rating, or it's just not as popular. From the average of 18.6, Iceland’s 10.9 ratings is a whole -7.7 away from the average. Let’s combine those two differences: (-1.5) + (-7.7) = -9.2. In comparison to Sweden, Iceland is actually “underrated” when we look at the numbers. That final score of -9.2 is a culmination of the song not only getting a lower score, but it comes from fewer people deciding to rate it. Would “Scared of Heights” be closer to the average amount of stars if more people had chosen to give it a rating? Or would more ratings just reflect the same sad score of 2 stars? This is something to consider when we have more context about who/which countries have more ratings than our first two examples.

They may have been disqualified for total BS reasons, but they’ll never be disqualified from my heart! The Netherlands’ “Europapa” is a song that has a lot to give it a leg up over a country like Iceland when it comes to public perception: Joost Klein is a more “established” artist in comparison to most Eurovision competition. “Europapa” contains satirical-yet-universal lyrics that touch on personal and international topics at the same time, and the whole thing is a lot of good fun, even with a touching ending. However, this can all add up to what no sounds like a very reasonable claim of “overrated”-ness. Do the numbers reflect that? Unsurprisingly: yes, yes they do. The Netherlands has a star score of 4.1, which is the average score from a total of 35,557 ratings. Again, we see how the number of ratings can vary much wider than just star scores on their own – I can only imagine how it feels to see someone else’s song get 20,000 more ratings than yours. Let’s run the equation!. (4.1 - 3.5) + (35.5 - 18.6) => (0.6) + (16.9) = 17.5. As you can see, now that we move to the opposite end of the spectrum, the difference in influence is more observable. That score of 17.5 now properly reflects how a star score of 4.1 comes from a severe increase in number of ratings, and Joost’s popularity can very well be a factor in that, all regardless if the song is “good” or “bad.”. Like I promised, we’ll talk about the implications and conclusions these numbers can represent in a moment. We have one more “country” to look at.

“Israel,” as I’m sure you need no reminding, is the reason all of Eurovision 2024 was a complex, un-fun, total mess of a season. All the reasons supporting this can fill up their own article, so we’re going to be focusing on how 2024’s hottest potato fares in terms of stars and ratings. “Israel” and their song “Octo–” sorry, “Hurricane” has the same star score as the Netherlands, which is 4.1 stars out of 5. However, “Hurricane” has almost ten thousand more ratings than “Europapa,” at 45,255 ratings. (4.1 - 3.5) + (45.2 - 18.6) => (0.6) + (26.6) = 27.2. Just for another moment, let’s disregard the implications of this number and just compare it to the 3 other examples we’ve done. At one end of the spectrum, Iceland is underrated with a Deviation Score of -9.2, and Sweden has a Dev. Score of -0.5. As a reminder, if a country is completely and perfectly “average,” they would receive a score of 0; as in, it’s not overrated nor is it underrated. However, the score for songs being underrated are a lot less severe than the others. The Netherlands’ Dev. Score of 17.5 and “Israel’s” 27.2 are up in the double digits, but why?

Well, the first explanation is very easily observable: “Israel,” the Netherlands, and several other countries are simply rated more than other countries are. Therefore, this is evidence to support the claim that more people overrate songs than people who underrate other songs. For context, the country with the lowest number of ratings is Albania, with only 9,094 ratings and a star score of 3.1 stars. The country with the highest number of ratings is actually Croatia, with 47,315 ratings as of April 25th and has the highest “overrated” Dev. Score with 29.5. And now that we have our equation and can actually tell who is statistically over or underrated, let’s actually ask what that “means.”

CHAPTER 4: Take (It) Away

At ten pages (and two visual aids) in, we finally have some concrete numbers to look at and discuss, leading with the question: What are we meant to take away? If being over/underrated is now mathematically observable, what does it all mean? To answer that question, we need to look at the entirety of our data table and apply real-world context to the numbers we’re looking at. As I mentioned near the beginning of this article, this is not about simple labels. Let’s start with the observation I made right before this chapter, “More people are more likely to overrate songs than people are to underrate them.” This is visible in multiple ways. First, as we discovered when we found the global average of each song’s star score, we got a score of 3.5/5 – above average! But it’s not just about the stars; there’s another noticeable trend between the highest star-scoring songs and how many people have rated them. Ten songs from 2024 have a star score of 4 stars or higher – Croatia, Greece, and Serbia were all tied at 4.3 stars. Between all ten songs, they have a total of 292,504 ratings. Now at the other end of the star spectrum, how do the lowest scorers look?

Well, no song this year got less than 2 stars, now matter how much I dislike “Scared of Heights.” However, there are eight songs that scored below 3 stars, in comparison to the ten higher scoring songs. Fun fact: Finland’s “No Rules!” is the lowest-ranking song that qualified for the final (as of April 25th), whereas the highest ranked NQ was Belgium. Anyway, between those eight songs underneath 3 stars, there’s only 129,063 ratings, which is approx. 170 thousand fewer ratings. The numbers don’t lie: if anyone ever claims “Eurofans just like to hate things,” statistically that’s wrong! It’s not impossible, either. On that note, though, one would be allowed to ask “But doesn’t that mean there are songs that are overrated?” And if you’re talking about the literal, specific definition of songs having a greater number of ratings than others, then yes you’re right. But I have a feeling that most people say the word “overrated” more emotionally than logically. Remember how I introduced Sweden as one of the most frequently overrated countries? My guess is that you didn’t disagree with that claim. And I’m not just guessing: I’ve seen every upset Kaarija stan, Mans-hater, and person with ears that dislikes “If I Were Sorry.” Sweden’s no stranger to the overrated accusation, but we just saw how this year that’s statistically untrue. The most perfectly middle-rated song this year is Luxembourg’s “Fighter” with a Deviation Score of -0.4. Sweden, Slovenia, Austria, and Czechia round out the Top 5 Most-Midrated Songs of 2024. And like the title of this article says, these five songs are by all definition “the fairest” of them all. Czechia is actually closest to the average number of ratings (that 18.6 we’ve been using in the equation) with 18,614 ratings. But hey, I like to indulge my own curiosity, so I wondered if these numbers are connected at all to who did or didn’t qualify. In Eurovision 2024, 11 songs did not qualify to the Grand Final. So, let’s look at the 11 most statistically-underrated songs!

They are from lowest to highest (of the low): Albania, Iceland, Azerbaijan, Moldova, Australia, San Marino, Armenia, Portugal, Malta, Latvia, and Cyprus. Now, Denmark and Poland aren’t that much higher than these 11, but they managed to not be in the bottom 11. And of these lowest 11 Dev. Scores, 7 ended up being NQ’s. In fact, it’s more understandable why the few Q’s of the bottom 11 are here. Armenia was the last-revealed song of 2024, and Portugal had the very last National Final of the season. They didn’t have as much time between their selection and April 25th when I collected the numbers like other songs had. And yet, Albania was one of the earliest selections and sits at the very bottom of the list – time may not heal all wounds.

Cyprus and Latvia are the other two songs from the Bottom 11 of the Underrated’s that qualified, and I genuinely think this is where the legitimate factor of chance plays a part. Cyprus came 6th in its semi, so we can state that the live performance and competition of the semi elevated Cyprus to a better position in the televoters’ preference, despite the odds! Latvia could be a similar case, as it finished 7th in the second semi-final. Then come Saturday, the two songs ended up right next to each other on the scoreboard with Cyprus at 15th and Latvia at 16th. As we keep moving up the list of Deviation Scores, we can spot the four songs that did qualify in the eyes of the raters, but not in the show itself. Denmark is just above Cyprus, and two more spots up is Poland. Four more spots up is Czechia among the most midrated songs of the year, so they were a true “Could go either way” case. Then in the biggest jump to our final non-qualifier, Belgium is 11 spots higher than Czechia and sits at being the 9th Most Overrated of 2024. Here and now, we have finally arrived at the fabled: Shock NQ. Now, a non-qualifier being a “shock” is up to your own opinion. If you’re me, you’re sitting here writing this article knowing damn well you knew Belgium’s Q-streak was over before Mustii hit the stage. This is the honest truth, and only Silia Kapsis has the right to try and say otherwise. But it also can be said that it’s not about asking “Who was the Shock NQ?” and more about asking “Who had the most attention before they NQ’d?” And the answer would be Belgium! Anyway, at this point I’m starting to think to myself “Huh, can using this over/underrated equation be a method to possibly predict a country’s qualification?”

…and then I remembered: Qualifiers are chosen entirely by televote. Therefore, if the Deviation Scores can predict the qualifiers with about 64% accuracy, can it predict the televoting Top Ten?...Let’s find out!

When looking at the Top Ten Most Overrated Songs of 2024, we have:

1st. Croatia

2nd. Israel

3rd. Netherlands

4th. Switzerland

5th. Italy

6th. France

7th. Ukraine

8th. Greece

9th. Belgium

10th. Ireland

(11th: Lithuania)

And for comparison, let’s look at the Top Ten of the 2024 Televote:

1st. Croatia

2nd. Israel

3rd. Ukraine

4th. France

5th. Switzerland

6th. Ireland

7th. Italy

8th. Greece

9th. Armenia

10th. Lithuania

To begin, you’ll notice I included the 11th Most Overrated song in parenthesis, which is Lithuania. I did this to reflect that even though the Netherlands is 3rd Most Overrated, they sadly weren’t able to receive the televotes they deserved the night of the Final. Using the data from this table alone, my conclusion on the Netherlands is that they were easily going to place Top Ten in the Televote, which would then leave who in 11th? Lithuania. All that’s left is to replace Belgium – a poorly-staged pop ballad with a party-harshing climax – with Armenia, which is a song bursting with fun, flawless vocals, and something so Armenian it caused Azerbaijan to get sent to the Doom Dimension. Additionally, mostly out of curiosity, I checked how many more reviews “Jako” has on EurovisionWorld as of May 22nd, and they’re up from ~12,000 ratings to ~18,000 while maintaining their 3.7 star score both times – that’s a show of quality and enjoyment from audiences over time. So other than those cases…I think I just mathematically figured out how to predict the televote? And, I don’t even mean the Top Ten – I mean the whole competition.

So I ask you this: What do we do when we are suddenly given information about the ways the results of Eurovision can be reflected in data before the fact? The answer is not “try and make a profit.” No, that’s not how EuroQuision works. Instead: we use it as mathematical evidence that propaganda fucking works.

CHAPTER 5: Couldn’t See It Comin’

Except: now we know we did see it coming.

Before we dive into the serious stuff, you might be thinking that what I’ve presented is an attempt or desire to “break Eurovision” or take advantage of this information for personal gain. I won’t deny that bets play a huge role in Eurovision – it’s how we get the odds in the first place. But if you know me, you know I’m not in this for the money, even though that may differ from the EBU’s intentions. The truth is that I don’t have any practical means to try and “profit” from any way this information could be used. Part of journalism and sharing of information is the inability I have to control how it’s used despite my best intention.

My intention with this article is to provide evidence that “Israel’s” attempts at utilizing Eurovision to get a good result and repaint their global image was nearly perfect, and the numbers said it was going to happen the whole time. Even without the numbers from EurovisionWorld, we knew how desperate “Israel’s” pleas for votes from the world were. From Duolingo’ing her way across the internet to coordinated efforts to vote en masse in various countries, Eden Golan was gunning for a televote win that she nearly reached, and that’s assuming every single one of those votes were completely legitimate. This is not said to try and accuse anyone of fraudulent voting when I don’t have evidence to support that. I mention it because vote buying is a practice that has been done in the past and actual delegations received punishment for doing so. Given the context of every other effort “Israel” put into their campaign for votes – and I mean everything: begging other artists/teams for positive press and harassing them to the point of retaliation – doesn’t make fraudulent voting seem out of the question.

Unfortunately, I am no expert on voter fraud – ironic, me being an American and all, but I digress. This is something that, if proven true, will be revealed in the time post-Eurovision 2024. And if it’s true, I will happily discuss it! But for now, I can only talk about what we do know, which is the newfound connection between EurovisionWorld’s sample of public ratings indicating a song’s predicted success or failure in the contest. This connection is reflective of the greatest tool a Eurovision song has: public perception. Or as some countries treat it: propaganda. Even though “Israel” is a country being sued by the ICJ for genocide, actively commit acts of violence to Palestinians as well as fellow-EBU member countries Lebanon, Jordan, and Egpyt, and were told multiple times by the EBU reference group to rewrite their political song lyrics, they still performed and qualified and finished Top Ten. Truly, did we even need my equation to prove “Hurricane” was overrated? Not really. Instead, “Hurricane” being so statistically overrated was a symptom of the larger effect of a successful PR campaign. When you consider that “Israel’s” mere existence inside of Eurovision is in itself a PR campaign, none of this is surprising. “Israeli” media took every possible moment to try and tell the world that their Eurovision participation was a good thing and truly represented being “united by music.” They did this in commercials and even in what “Israel” calls a sketch comedy show.

All of these factors had me worried that despite my best hopes and efforts, somehow “Israel” would pull off a good result when they should have been removed months ago. However, the numbers were there the whole time. As we can see, the numbers don’t only apply to solely to “Israel.” Just as they came 2nd in my list and 2nd in the televote, Croatia was 1st in both, and the accuracy of the Top Ten as well as the bottom eleven/NQ’s can’t be ignored either. Truly think about that for a moment: on April 25th – several days before we saw any rehearsal footage or official performance – we knew with 80-90% accuracy the Grand Final televote results and who wasn’t going to qualify with 64% accuracy. And before you suggest that this was a Eurovision 2024-exclusive phenomenon, I thought of that too! So as a surprise fun addition, I ran my equation with the 2023 songs as well!

Since I can’t travel back in time to April 25th 2023, there’s no way I could collect all the ratings and stars with the same accuracy as I did for 2024, Thankfully, using the Wayback Machine Internet Archive. I managed to “go back in time” to a window of time spanning from mid-April to early-May and collect all the numbers. Even with a wider window of information, the 2023 Deviation Scores proved to be almost identical in accuracy – even more accurate in some cases. Starting with the Bottom 11 Most Underrated according to my equation, 9 of those countries turned out to be NQ’s. At the other end with the Top 10 Most Overrated, 7 out of those 10 did in fact finish in the Televote Top 10. And who was the most “overrated” of 2023? Not Finland, not Sweden, but “Israel” and “Unicorn.” This shows that for two years in a row, despite the drastic shift in public opinion and discussion concerning Israel’s participation, their songs that directly correlate to geopolitical aggression and self-victimization proved effective in the realm of Eurovision. So once again, I ask you, the reader: What do we do? CONCLUSION

Since I’m aware that a 20-page article is a bit long, I will go ahead and just list out the most important bits of information I covered and discussed:

Using the information from EurovisionWorld.com, we created an equation that figures out how close or far a song is from the global average of both stars and number of ratings.

Comparing these Deviation Scores reflects a somewhat-accurate correlation between how much the public “rates” a song and whether that song qualifies or potentially comes Top Ten in the Televote

Once these connections can be observed, we can discuss what factors or influences play a part in these connections (Is a song more popular? Is it less popular? Is it representing a country committing war crimes and hopes no one notices? Etc etc.)

Finally, here in the conclusion of all of this, we can answer that third point. As I mentioned, cases like Joost and “Europapa” being overrated are fairly easy to explain; well-known artist, extremely radio-friendly banger song, the list goes on. It also reflects why Iceland and “Scared of Heights” is near the bottom; a more “generic” paint-by-numbers pop song with simple English lyrics, a very unambitious composition, etc etc. However, there’s a difference between a song being over/underrated based on merit, and those with scores based on skewed public opinion one way or another.

I won’t pretend for a moment that spam-liking or spam-disliking doesn’t exist. For example, I’m aware of how Bashar Murad was the clear favorite to win over Hera Bjork, but sadly finished 2nd in what felt like a very devastating blow to the potential of Palestinian representation at Eurovision when it’s needed most. Anyone who rated Iceland poorly because of this is able to do so just as fairly as those who rate it low based on song quality alone. I cannot control the reasons as to why people choose to rate a song high vs. low.

Conversely, you might reasonably be saying “If ‘Israel’ is continuing to treat this as one big PR stunt, wouldn’t that mean all those positive ratings and their televote score are a result of artificially inflating the numbers and/or buying votes?” And as much as that’s one possible explanation, I’ll remind you that there are people who genuinely just enjoy “Hurricane” and dislike having to engage in contextualizing “Israel’s” Eurovision participation. For example, Worldvishawn is a Eurovision TikTok creator with over 300,000 followers, and on multiple occasions has published videos voicing his enjoyment and support of “Hurricane” this year. In a video discussing “Hurricane’s” rehearsals, he notes that the song is a “9/10” and is a case where “the live vocals are better than the studio version.” The issue here is not the fact that a fan of Eurovision has a positive opinion of a song that a lot of people dislike, that’s never a problem with me. The issue is that people with large platforms are able to give their opinions to hundreds of thousands of people with the click of a button and provides a space where people can attempt to remove any context of “Hurricane” and “Israel” whatsoever and just say the song is good. This is what indicates to me that all the positive numbers surrounding this song aren’t all completely fabricated and this should not conclude in a baseless accusation of buying or faking votes.

Eurovision 2024 was a year where at every level of control, nearly everyone chose to do nothing rather than doing something. At the tippy top of the ranks, it was up to the EBU to remove “Israel” because of their own previously-established actions and morals concerning geopolitical violence during Eurovision, specifically in the case of Russia. After they refused to do that, it was the responsibility of participating broadcasters to withdraw and refuse to participate. After all 37 broadcasters refused to actually do anything, it was up to the artists to put their career aside and take a stand in the public eye. And then, none of the artists did that! Some showed and voiced their advocacy, but none of them showed solidarity. If you aren’t familiar with the difference between advocacy and solidarity, advocacy is when you “advocate” your morals and beliefs in your words and attitude. Solidarity is when you put those words to action and actually do something actionable to disrupt the status quo to be in solidarity with those who are suffering and against a system of power that is ignoring them. And since none of the artists’ advocacy led to solidarity, there we were with a Grand Final with “Israel” coming 2nd in the televote and no one doing anything about it.

Now, I could go down the entire chain of responsibility of “Who needs to do something about this?” and eventually land where I and many others have been for months, which is the fun destination of Boycottville, but a lot of people hear the B-word and think its an invitation to start arguing and calling me a hypocrite. What I will state is this: boycotting is not something asked of us to try and simply prove our morals for show or optics, and it is not something we ask people do to in order to shame them should they choose not to. Boycotting is what we do when every level of command above us refuses to do anything about a system that is completely broken and exploitable. The numbers were there from the beginning and even I can admit I was foolish when I stated in my own video essay that “‘Israel’ isn’t going to get an enormous televote score.” That is something I said based on optimism and my own reasoning, before I actually came up with this equation and ran all the numbers. I was proven very wrong and I think I’m not the only one.

In the end, I need to remind us all that this was never about the results, it was never about “making sure ‘Israel’ doesn’t win.” If this were truly about making sure “Israel” didn’t win, then we would all have had to agree on one (1) artist to mass-vote for AND hope the juries liked as well, but that would be literally impossible. Whereas Eurofans could argue “Let’s mass-vote Croatia!” or “Mass-vote Ukraine again,” that is nowhere as easily and streamlined as it is for Zionists, “fake” votes, and “Israeli” fans to just spend all their money on voting for “Hurricane.” So once again: THIS IS NOT ABOUT RESULTS. The numbers sadly reflected “Israel” succeeding in their campaign nearly the entire way, and because they know that Eurovision is a system where everyone from the broadcasters to the fans don’t actually want to do anything that poses a threat to this silly contest, they’ll get the numbers they want. Trying to beat “Israel” at the game of Eurovision is a mathematical impossibility as things currently stand, and if EVERYONE continues to not want to change their behavior (the EBU, the broadcasters, the artists, the news websites, even the fans themselves), then “Israel” will keep playing this game successfully for years to come.

“The Fairest of Them All”

Researched and Written by Beatrice Quinn

Research Data Links:

Eurovision 2024: Deviation Scores

Eurovision 2023: Deviation Scores

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#eurovision #esc #eurovision song contest #eurovision 2024 #free palestine #free gaza #esc 2024 #ebu

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whoslaurapalmer · 1 year ago

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i want to know about your fic! is that cheating? is it meant to be a surprise?

technically!!!!! it is in fact a surprise!!!! because it is secretly for a person!! I will give the following incredibly vague details --

1) i hope to get it done within the. oh I wanted to have it done by the 20th I think but it will uhhhh probably take. longer. by god, it's already the 11th. I regularly and vastly underestimate time. but I hope not much longer than that!!!! hopefully a week after at the latest??????

2) objectively it has the funniest shenanigans. but also like......I am trying to keep them in character. but also not. experience the EXTREME second hand embarrassment that can come with these shenanigans, bc second hand embarrassment physically hurts me

3) a long long time ago (2008.) the mcr website had a blog section that gerard used REGULARLY, and once posted about calling second hand embarrassment The Motts (and since it's gerard, it does and does not make sense in context.) and ever since then whenever I experience second hand embarrassment I think 'oh no gerard way I am feeling the motts' so my notes very frequently say DO YOUR BEST TO AVOID THE MOTTS.

4) lemony is there!!!!!!! beatrice and bertrand are mentioned in passing. ......other characters show up.

5) the fic spans a great deal of time. like.........a GREAT deal of time. damn.

6) I have never written this trope before but I have read a great deal of it in my time, it was very popular in the les mis fandom? which I have read TOO MUCH fic for. I always wanted to write fic for it and still have lots of wip documents, but I think my les mis fic potential days have passed me by. I still love the amis a great deal, though. anyway it's also not quite that trope, and that's very thrilling. that's where a great deal of the amusement comes in. If I can navigate it right. oh but it's also a very old trope, actually!!

6a) I mean, you see tropes in fic sometimes and think of them as very fic specific, and I think some things very much are, but also, people have been telling the same sorts of stories for an age, and i was actually able to tell my mom about the plot and have her understand it bc she's seen movies with the plot. which is very bizarre, usually this does not happen.

6b) although I do wonder now, isn't this trope like the worst way to get enjolras and grantaire together. well, I guess it depends on how you're writing them, honestly. I think the most well-known fic with this trope did it well, now that I think about it

7) I think. I am going to split it into two chapters. and........see the first half took about a weekish of planning to get the Reasons things were happening to make sense. so if push comes to shove and I only finish the first half by whatever date it was, I will post that, and then, do the second half. which is less structured but still needs. you know. things to stand on. just less things.

8) it tentatively had a title but then I thought, it would be better as a chapter title maybe, so then I figured out the other chapter title, and now I am. Missing an overall title.........

9) the titles, though, are from the songs the maze and I know how to speak by manchester orchestra.

10) potentially, a candlelit dinner may take place. there will be bread.

11) one of my notes just says 'it's the most unsexy [REDACTED] of all time'

12) someone's gonna get kissed eventually though despite my subpar skills at writing physical romance contact!!!!!!

13) I worry about it a lot, though. Just, making the fic, make sense right in general. I know what I'm aiming for but there's still a lot of uncertainty in getting there, sometimes. and it happens all the time, in everything I write!!!! every writer goes through that, in every piece. never stops being very nerve-wracking, though. And I don't think I've ever really written something like it before. so!!!!!!!! we'll see. I'm rooting for it.

#oh! i have the link to the blog post but you gotta run it through the wayback machine now.#they actually finally deleted the old blogs! they were up until at least......late last year? i think that was when i finally saved the post #thank god i did.#this. is a silly amount of vague details. no regerts!

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missnight0wl · 4 years ago

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Hi I hope I'm not bothering you but recently I'm becoming more aware of the inconsistencies in the plot of HPHM and it's driving me crazy. Starting with the Cursed Vaults themselves. Every year, at the beginning of the Hogwarts term, we are told that the Vault has been "opened" and so begins the curse of the year. But does that mean that someone opens them and then they have to be closed? Would it mean that someone already knows where they are and they are forcing MC to go behind and close them?

Of course you’re not bothering me!

I see what you’re saying, though I think those aren’t even inconsistences, but rather simply lack of information. But in general – yes, I believe that that’s what happens. Someone “opens” the Vaults and forces MC to go behind them. Moreover, I believe that it was pretty much the same with Jacob and that someone is R, meaning that they basically know ahead where each Vault is. Let’s try to go through all of that.

First of all, let’s talk about R. We know that they’re an international organisation, meaning that they have to exist for quite some time to develop this much. Now, I personally like to think that the Cursed Vaults are just one of their focus, but I also believe it’s quite possible they originated from the group who created the Cursed Vaults. What I’m trying to say is that either way, they had time to do their research and whatnot. The fact that there was no activity around the Vaults before Jacob is actually the reason why I believe that the siblings are needed to open them (or at least the final vault). The fact that they put Jacob through all the vaults, on the other hand, is what made me came up with the idea that you have to go through all of them to obtain the final treasure (whatever it is).

And yes, it does seem like R forced Jacob to search for the Cursed Vaults. Duncan told us that they were blackmailing him by threatening his loved ones, but it was at the time of the Forest Vault already. Before that, we had this note in Jacob’s notebook:

I believe that R had to know that Jacob would feel responsible for students getting hurt. Like, it seems that it was Jacob’s thing as in the “Egg Hunt” SQ, Alistair also told us:

(By the way, that’s one of the reasons why I don’t trust vault!Jacob at all. He never showed any concern about people getting hurt because of the curses…)

Of course, when we move to MC, we kind of have a problem: R didn’t want MC to search for the Cursed Vaults at first. Well, yes. But I assume that they did want to get to the final vault either way. Unfortunately for them, for some reason, they had to start from the Vault of Ice again. And I imagine that you have to activate the curse to break it, move to the next vault, and eventually reach the final one. So, technically, they didn’t want to force MC to anything, but they basically had to do this. Does it make sense so far? Interestingly, notice that only in Y5 – when R wanted MC to go after the Vaults for sure – MC was affected by the curse more personally. It was Bea who got trapped, our friend’s sister. Perhaps it wasn’t a coincidence at all then?

Now, another important question here is what exactly that first “opening” involves. Because the game specifically calls it “tampering”:

… but it never explains how it’s done. Like, how the curses are being activated? I thought that maybe you have to enter part of the vault, but not open the column? Like, in the case of the Vault of Ice, it’d be entering the Icy Corridor leading to the Snowflake Door. But then, we run into a problem with the Vault of Fear. You see, you need the book to open the passage to that Vault in the Restricted Section. The book which was in the column in the Vault of Ice, and then (as far as we know), MC had it all the time in their possession. So, how the Boggarts would get activated after the Vault of Ice without the book?

I also had another idea that each Vault has kind of an outside mechanism activating its curse. One interesting thing we learnt at the beginning of Y2 was this:

I imagine that “last time” has to refer to Jacob’s time. And I keep wondering why in both cases the cursed ice was spreading from that specific room. Perhaps there was something inside of it, but we just never examined it properly? In the case of the Portrait Vault, that activating mechanism could be the portrait which trapped Beatrice. We were told that someone looking like the Red Cloak was doing something with portraits there:

We didn’t get much to speculate about other Vaults, though.

I hope it cleared some things up. Of course, it’s mostly my speculations based on that little information we got. But I think it kind of adds up, y’know? Though as I said, we just… don’t know enough. And it’s really frustrating.

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #hphm jacob #cursed vaults #hphm r #analysis post #ask #anonymous #hphm lore

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juliandev0rak · 4 years ago

Text

Ghost

There’s a ghost in Beatrice’s attic and she needs help to exorcise it. She finds, however, that some of the things that haunt her aren’t so easy to get rid of.

characters: Ella Sagen (of @leechobsessed), Leila Lonan (of @leila-of-ravens), Beatrice Viano / beaellaleila

also Julian Devorak (he’s here too)

words: 3530

warnings: a bit of angst

Squeak

Beatrice is startled from her sleep, her eyes opening to inspect the dark room around her. She wordlessly casts a light spell to dispel the darkness and tries to calm her racing heart. As she sits in bed with the covers pulled up to her chin she hears it again, the sound that she’d thought was simply part of a dream.

It sounds like something is scraping against the floorboards of the attic above her. It’s an awful, grating noise, like nails on a chalkboard. The next time she hears the noise it’s more of a squeak than a scrape. She stifles a nervous squeak of her own and pulls the covers over her head, feeling a bit silly for how childish she’s acting.

On any other night she might have been able to ignore it, but Beatrice has been doing a lot of reading about the paranormal lately.

She wouldn’t normally consider herself superstitious, but she’s come to the conclusion that if magic exists- ghosts must exist too. And due to the volume of books she’s been reading on the subject, she draws the hypothesis that the mysterious sound might be caused by something not quite of this world.

As much as she’d like to ignore the problem and hope it goes away, a hypothesis requires testing. Beatrice tells herself she’s being ridiculous, it's probably the wind making a strange noise, or perhaps the building settling, but as the scraping squeak happens again she decides it’s time to take action. She is a rather proficient magician after all, she should be able to handle this even if it is a ghost.

She’s careful to avoid the creaking floorboard in the doorway as she creeps out of bed and in to the hallway. There’s a narrow stairwell that leads to the attic, but she hardly has cause to go up there anymore. The ceiling is so low she has to crouch, everything is covered in a layer of dust, and it’s full of memories she’d really rather forget. Nevertheless, she creeps up the stairs, ducking to avoid hitting her head on the ceiling.

She finds the door to the attic slightly ajar.

Beatrice stops. There’s no way someone could have broken in, she’s certain she would’ve heard more from that- breaking glass or voices. And besides, all of the merchandise is in the shop below rather than her apartment. As a precaution Beatrice checks to see if she can feel anyone’s aura in the room.

She stands in the doorway and peers carefully into the darkness, casting out her senses. Nothing. And then- the noise again. It’s even louder now that she’s up close, and she feels a flash of distress from the corner of the room.

Something in the room is very upset. Beatrice can’t tell if they’re angry or scared and she doesn’t really want to find out anymore.

“Nope!” Beatrice says out loud, and then she runs down the stairs as if her life depends on it.

She bangs her head on the ceiling on her way down and her hand goes up to cradle her bruised forehead. Whatever’s in that room, she doesn’t want to face it alone. She watches the stairs with wide eyes as her logical mind scrambles to find a course of action.

There had been a spell to contain and dispel spirits in one of the books she’s been reading, it’s probably her best bet. She frantically pages through the book to find the correct section, eyes skimming over the instructions. A chalk sigil, a spoken incantation, it seems simple enough. In her haste she nearly misses the note at the bottom of the page,

“This spell is best performed by three magicians standing on each of the three points of the sigil. The power of three must be invoked for complete spirit exorcism.”

Three. She needs help, and luckily Beatrice knows just where to find two other magicians, though they might be less than pleased to see her at this hour. Beatrice pulls on her cloak and shoots one last apprehensive look to the attic stairs before heading out of her apartment.

Leila isn’t too far away, she only has a few blocks to walk in the comfortingly well-lit streets. Beatrice tries not to run, but as the tea shop comes into view she finds herself quite out of breath. She knocks on the door, wincing as the sound echoes off of the cobblestones of the empty street.

A few moments pass and she considers knocking again when the door finally opens a crack and a very tired looking Julian appears.

“Oh, good evening Julian! My apologies for the late hour, can you get Leila, please? It’s a bit of an emergency.” Beatrice smiles politely, hoping neither of them will be annoyed with her for waking them up.

Julian looks concerned and takes an immediate step towards her, “Are you alright Beatrice? Do you need medical assistance?”

“No, thank you, I’m quite alright. I need magical assistance actually,” Beatrice says, though her head does throb a little where she hit it on the ceiling.

“Ah yes, well I’m afraid I can’t help with magic. I’ll go get the woman who can.” Julian opens the door for her to enter and heads up to find Leila. He comes back a few moments later with Leila who pulls her dressing gown closed with the tired motions of someone who might be sleepwalking.

Leila rubs at her eyes as she takes in Beatrice standing in the doorway, “Julian said it was an emergency? Are you alright?”

“I think there’s a ghost in my attic!”

“A ghost? Are you sure?” Leila’s tone is concerned, and perhaps even curious rather than annoyed like Beatrice had feared.

Beatrice nods her head as she explains, “Yes! I felt something up there, and I heard an awful noise. There seems to be a spirit of some kind who needs to be put to rest, but I need your help to banish it. The spell I read about works best with three.”

“Three?” Leila frowns in confusion, “Oh, you want to go get Ella?”

Beatrice nods again, “Yes, I think it’ll be safer with the three of us.”

“If you need medical backup you know where to find me!” Julian says as the women head to the door. Leila just laughs as she swaps her dressing gown for her usual shawl. She kisses Julian’s cheek in goodbye and then they’re off.

Leila links her arm through Beatrice’s as they walk across town to find Ella. When Ella answers the door she looks a little confused, and very tired, but she’s not annoyed either.

“What are you two up to this late?” Ella opens the door to let them in.

Leila collapses on Ella’s couch in a tired heap. “Beatrice has a ghost.”

“Well technically, my attic has a ghost. I’m not possessed.” Beatrice moves Leila’s legs so she can sit down on the couch and Leila promptly lays them across her lap.

“I’m sorry, did you say a ghost?” Ella perches on the edge of the couch next to Beatrice, who takes in the tired circles under her friend’s multicolored eyes.

Beatrice reaches a hand out to rest on Ella’s. “Have you still been having trouble sleeping? I’m sure we could find a potion for that.”

“Believe me, I’ve tried it all,” Ella sighs, and then she turns to look at her friends with an only slightly false smile. “But let’s focus here, you have a ghost?”

Beatrice explains the full story to both of them, describing everything from her research into the paranormal to the distressed aura she’d felt in the dark attic. Neither girl interrupts her as she talks, and by the time she's finished both of them are looking much more awake. They seem to believe her, which is quite a relief for Beatrice.

“I think I need some tea.” Leila swings her legs off of Beatrice’s lap and heads towards the kitchen “Do you mind, Ella?”

“You know where things are as well as I do, go ahead! I’ll have some too if you’re making a pot.” Ella replies, “Maybe something that will wake us up.”

“I’m on it! Beatrice would you like tea?” Leila disappears into a cupboard, already reaching for three mugs.

“Yes please.” Beatrice smiles politely.

Ella gives Beatrice’s hand a reassuring squeeze, “Don’t worry, Beatrice, we’ll get rid of that ghost.”

“Yes, so you can get back to dreaming about Lysander,” Leila laughs as she hands them each a cup of tea. Beatrice scoffs and hopes her blush is hidden in the dim lighting of the room.

“I was having a perfectly lovely dream about being on a boat actually, it was quite soothing before I awoke.” Beatrice takes a delicate sip of tea and nearly spits it out when she realizes she hasn’t added any sugar yet. She covers for the clumsy moment by reaching for the bowl of sugar Leila has placed on the table in front of her.

“Was Lysander on the boat?” Ella smiles, stirring her own tea.

“He might have been,” Beatrice says vaguely, hiding another blush as she thinks back to the dream she’d been having of staring over the vast expanse of the sea with Lysander. His arm had been around her waist, familiar and warm and pulling her closer towards him. Dreaming about Lysander always makes her sad when she wakes up, and she'd much prefer to have mundane dreams about sorting library books or whatever it is she thought about before him.

“Well I’m sorry to break your fantasy, Beatrice, but Lysander hates boats. He gets seasick.” Leila’s face pulls into a frown, as if thinking about her brother’s discomfort.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Beatrice takes another sip of tea, trying not to get distracted by her thoughts of him. “I'll go over the plan.”

She explains what she’d read in the book again, detailing the procedures of the banishing ritual, “We need to draw the sigil, stand on the three points, and repeat the incantation. It should be quite simple. I’d have done it myself but…” Beatrice was too afraid.

Beatrice doesn’t like to admit how easily frightened she is. As a magician she feels she has no logical reason to be scared of anything, but she is. Some of the things she’s afraid of make sense, like loneliness or the unknown, while others are much more specific to her. There are fears she keeps hidden deep inside of her that would be far too difficult to explain, far too revealing. To share them would be like cutting herself open, and she doesn’t want to bleed.

And ever since she’d had the accident with the cursed book, she’d learned her lesson about running into magical situations without thinking first. Her fear is there to protect her, though she’d rather not have its suffocating presence in her life. She knows her friends wouldn’t judge her for any of these feelings and fears, but she keeps quiet all the same.

She sips her tea and tries to avoid thinking about the dark attic and the ghost. She tries to ignore the thought of boxes full of things that had once belonged to her aunt, whom she misses terribly, and her mother, whom she doesn’t miss at all. The guilt of not missing someone you’re “supposed” to miss has followed her for years, just as the guilt of being the last one in her family has kept her stuck in the old magic shop.

Beatrice finds it entirely too likely that a ghost would choose her attic to take up residence, it’s already full of ghosts after all.

She hasn’t noticed the conversation come to an end around her, but when she looks up from her mug she finds both Ella and Leila looking at her. She clears her throat and sets the mug down on the table. “Right well, let’s get going then shall we?”

“We’ve got a ghost to catch!” Leila grins, pulling Beatrice up off of the couch by the hand.

“Yes! This’ll be exciting, I’m curious to see this ghost for myself.” Ella pulls on a cloak and gestures towards the door. Leila and Beatrice follow close behind and Leila links her arm through Beatrice’s again as they wait for Ella to lock up.

“You look cold.” Leila remarks. She’s right, but it’s dread rather than the weather that’s making her shiver. She doesn’t quite know what they’ll find in that attic.

They talk as they walk through the empty streets, keeping the conversation light as Ella talks about one of the patients she’d seen earlier that day. But all too soon her shop comes into view and they’re at the door. When they step into the dark shop Beatrice hurriedly lights the candles in the room with a flick of her hand.

“It’s upstairs.” Beatrice murmurs, a bit afraid to raise her voice. Leila and Ella nod and follow her up the stairs to her apartment. She opens the door to let them in and, as if on cue, the scraping squeaking noise sounds from above.

Leila takes a step towards the attic stairs, “Was that the ghost?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“It sounds like it’s moving furniture around, can ghosts do that?” Ella asks, joining Leila on the bottom step.

“A few of the books I’ve read said it’s possible.” Beatrice eyes the stairs warily, and decides to light a few candles in the living area just to feel more secure. When she’s done she finds Leila has already made her way up the stairs with Ella close behind.

She takes a deep breath and forces herself to focus, this is magic, she can do this.

“Alright, when we get inside we need to draw the sigil as quickly as possible, just in case,” Beatrice instructs.

“Do we have everything we need?” Ella turns to smile encouragingly at Beatrice. She’s glad Ella and Leila are here, neither of them seem scared in the slightest. They’re both excited in fact, and it’s enough for her to be able to press forward.

“I’ve got a piece of chalk right here.” Beatrice reaches into her cloak pocket and holds a piece of white chalk up for them to see. “And the book too.”

Leila goes in first, opening the narrow doorway for the others to enter behind her. They all have to crouch a bit, but poor Ella is almost bent in half and still nearly touches the ceiling. It’s a good thing they hadn’t brought Julian along, he wouldn’t have fit.

The room is eerily silent and dark but Beatrice stops herself from reaching for one of her friend’s hands for comfort. She conjures a ball of light instead, so she can see to draw the sigil. Ella and Leila walk around the small attic as she works, looking for signs of the ghost.

“I can definitely feel that something isn’t right in here.” Leila turns in a circle, surveying the room.

The scraping noise comes again from the back of the room and Beatrice swears she can see a box move out of the corner of her eye. Leila squeals in surprise and moves closer to Ella.

“It’s done! Ella please stand on that point there, and Leila you join me over here.” Beatrice points to the corresponding sigil points. Her friends hurry to follow her instructions and they all join hands. “Now repeat after me.”

They repeat the incantation together, nine times- three sets of three. Beatrice recognizes some of the words as a binding spell, one used to bind potion ingredients together or, in this case, to trap something. The girls wait for something to happen, a flash of light or another squeaking noise, but there’s no response.

Beatrice lets go of Leila’s hand to look through the book again, but finds they’d followed all of the directions perfectly. The three friends stand looking at each other in confusion until suddenly the scraping noise starts up again. Leila raises an eyebrow and steps out of the chalk markings, crossing the room purposefully.

She steps over to the darkest corner of the attic where the noise had emanated from and picks up an overturned box on the ground. Immediately, something rushes out into the darkness. Beatrice suppresses a scream as the dark shape approaches her.

She shuts her eyes and braces for impact, but is met instead by the sound of her friends’ laughter.

“Beatrice look!” Ella says.

She opens one eye and peers down towards the ground. Immediately, she’s flooded with relief when she notices the shape of a small brown rabbit at her feet.

“Bramble!” Beatrice scrambles forwards, pulling the rabbit into her arms. Her familiar looks at Beatrice in a way that manages to convey that she’s upset, but glad to have been rescued. “Did you get stuck up here?”

“She must’ve been scratching on the floor, it looks like the box overturned on top of her.” Leila picks up the box in question, “It also looks like she was trying to push past some of the furniture stacked up over here, which would explain the scraping noise.”

“I think the distressed aura you felt was just Bramble,” Ella suggests, making another turn about the room to inspect a few of the dusty boxes.

“Yes, it did feel a bit like her. Oh, I should've known better!” Beatrice strokes Bramble's ears, checking her over for any sign of injury.

She seems unharmed but she’s quite annoyed at having been trapped in the attic. Bramble often wanders throughout the house, but she’s never come up here before. Beatrice can’t fathom why she would have wanted to, nor can she understand how the rabbit was able to get the door open. But Bramble is no ordinary rabbit after all, she’s always been able to do peculiar things.

“Poor bunny.” Leila reaches out to scratch Bramble under her chin.

Beatrice feels terrible, and she can’t help but fret out loud, “All of that fuss over a ghost and I never once thought to check where Bramble was. What if there actually had been a ghost and she’d been in danger!”

Ella stops her with a gentle hand on her shoulder, “It’s not your fault, Beatrice. You couldn’t have known she got stuck up here, and she doesn’t seem hurt.”

“I’m so sorry I pulled you out of bed for this.” Beatrice ducks her head so her friends can’t see her embarrassed expression.

“Don’t apologize! This was fun.” Leila smiles and holds the attic door open, “But let’s get downstairs, there might not be a ghost in here but this attic is still creepy.”

“Yes, I’m quite ready to leave this place.” Beatrice gives Leila an almost smile and follows her and Ella back to the living room.

“I’m glad you thought to call us, you never know what could be lurking when magic is involved.” Ella takes a seat on the couch and gestures for Beatrice to sit next to her. “Better safe than sorry!’

“I’m sorry I let my nerves get the best of me.” Beatrice avoids her friends eyes, staring at Bramble instead who is contentedly falling asleep in her lap, none the worse for wear.

“It’s ok to be afraid, Beatrice. There are plenty of terrifying things in this world, and you’ve always got us to help you face them.” Leila joins them on the couch and offers Beatrice a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Thank you.” Beatrice still can’t meet her friend’s eyes, but now for entirely different reasons. She’s still not used to having people in her life who care about her this much.

“That’s what friends are for,” Ella says, giving her hand another reassuring squeeze.

“Well, I’d better get home and let Julian know I didn’t get possessed by a ghost,” Leila jokes as she stands up from the couch.

“And if you need us again, you know where to find us!” Ella adds as she joins Leila.

“Maybe stop reading those paranormal books for a while.” Leila pulls Beatrice and Ella into a goodbye hug. Beatrice nods in agreement, she’s certainly had enough of the supernatural for a while.

As Beatrice tries to get back to sleep, her mind wanders to the attic and all of the things that are stored up there. She’s avoided going through it for years, too afraid of the hurt it might cause her. But perhaps now she’ll be able to face it, perhaps Bramble had not-so-subtly been leading her up there.

There’s nothing in the attic but her memories. And while some of them are sad, there are just as many nice memories up there as well. She deserves to remember those, and maybe she’ll be able to banish some of her guilt in the process. She could even invite Leila and Ella to help her organize it, they’ve asked about her family before and maybe now she’ll be able to talk about them.

Talking about the past might hurt, but Beatrice is finally realizing that she doesn’t have to hurt alone.

#here's a little fun beaellaleila mystery solving #and some angst #sorry beatrice you can't be happy all the time as your creator i diagnose you with Sad #female ghostbusters?? the feminists are taking over!#that was a vine reference #i wanna write more about them using magic at some point bc this only barely counts lol #but you know what- friendship is the real magic i guess #also beatrice started keeping chalk in her pocket because lyse does it #just thought i’d mention that #beatrice viano #ella sagen #leila lonan #beaellaleila

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snicketstrange · 6 years ago

Text

The Beatrice Letters theory

This is part 10 of the Strange Interpretation of Jean Lúcio from Brazil

To understand this text, it is necessary to read some my previous texts.

Text Part 9

Part 8

Part 7

Part 6

Part 5

Part 4

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

I think it's time to start explaining my interpretation of The Beatrice Letters. I really love TBL. There is no official Portuguese translation of TBL, but there are translations made by volunteers. The first team to translate was called "Unfortunately Society" in 2009, whom I really thank. The other translation was made by volunteer Isadora in 2013. Volunteer Isadora Bortoluzzi Massa did an annotated translation of TBL in her Course Conclusion Work from the Faculty of Portuguese-English Literature, at the Federal University of Paraná, Brazil. I wanted to highlight these facts to show how much Brazilian fans take ASOUE seriously.

To understand TBL, I believe you should start by reading the last letter.

Please note carefully the following excerpts from Lemony's letter to the editor on TBL.

“{…} Once inside the warehouse, one can only hope that is has been organized sensibly -- otherwise it may take all night just find the room in which documents from long-ago library exhibitions are stored, and all morning to find the proper file…

Finally, it occurred to me to look under the name of the poet… Because I love her so much, for instance, it never occurred to me that there could be more than one Beatrice Baudelaire. IT WAS QUITE SOME TIME BEFORE I RECEIVED THE FIRST OF BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE’S LETTERS THAT I REALIZED THAT ALL OF BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE’S LETTERS COULD BE FOUND NOT JUST IN THE FIRST BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE BUT IN THE SECOND BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE AND THAT PERHAPS IF I GATHERED THE REMAINING LETTERS OF FIRST BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE WITH THE FIRST LETTERS OF THE REMAINING BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE, THEN THE BEATRICE LETTERS COULD EXPLAIN THE BEATRICE LETTERS AND EVEN THE LETTERS OF BEATRICE, NO MATTER WHICH LETTERS THEY ARE, AND NO MATTER WHAT ORDER THE LETTERS ARE IN. I IMMEDIATELY BEGAN WORK ON THE FILE.

And now, after all this time, have found the same scrap of paper had once examined in a glass case – and, years before that, examined in a hallway of the library, with the scrap of paper in the glass case. Sadly, this missing sonnet is like a missing sock – it had been lost for so long that everything else has completely unraveled in its absence. For many years I thought if I collected all these letters and their accompanying ephemera – a phrase witch here means “documents and items which I feared had vanished, and may soon vanish again” – I could put all of them in the proper order, as if solving an anagram by putting all of letters in the right order… The arrangement of letters could spell more than one thing…

This file is finished – just when I thought it might finish me… THE SECRETS CONTAINED HERE ARE LIKE ALL SECRETS – DANGEROUS TO THOSE WHO DISCOVER THEM AND HARMLESS TO THOSE WHO FAIL TO NOTICE THEM. For this reason, I recommend that you either destroy this file or make as many copies as possible… I DO NOT KNOW WHEN I WILL WRITE YOU AGAIN.”

Please, remember one of the premises of the Strange Interpretation of Jean Lúcio From Brazil. While the 13 books of ASOUE are directed by the Great Public of the universe of Lemony, the TBL is a file that contains personal letters. While there may be deliberate lies in the 13 books of ASOUE, there are no deliberate lies in TBL. However, there are indications of caution on the part of the authors of the letters in TBL. The letter senders are aware that the letter could be read by others than the recipient of the letter. So one of the letters contains a Sebald code. Thus, in a few letters, the sender does not want to deceive the recipient, but wants to deceive or confuse any other person who happens to have access to the letter. For example, in one of the letters the sender starts each paragraph as if writing a business letter. In addition, recipients of the letters know that it is possible for someone to try to cheat by letters. The recipients of the letters know that a person can send a letter pretending to be someone else. See this excerpt from BB to LS # 1,

“Perhaps you will also think I am someone else, and will make a suspicious note in the margin, accusing me of being some villainess or other.”

In this letter, the recipient (Lemony) made a note, indicating that at the time he read the letter for the first time, he believed that the true sender could be "E" (probably Esmé).

Now that you know all this, turn your attention back to the letter to the editor. From my point of view, in this letter Lemony states clearly that in the file that we call TBL, there are letters coming from both Beatrices. At the same time, Lemony makes it clear that by the time he was writing this letter to the editor, only one of the Beatrices was alive. He referred to Kit's daughter as "THE REMAINING BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE". This indicates that the "FIRST BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE" was dead when this letter was written. I need to believe that. My whole theory is based on the premise that Lemony would not lie in a personal letter. However, that does not mean that "FIRST BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE" had been died since fire of her house. Quite the opposite. Accepting as a fact that there are letters coming from the two Beatrices in the archive, and accepting the fact that Beatrice survived the fire at her house based on the evidence I've already presented, TBL makes a lot of sense.

(Obs,: Lemony wrote to his editor:

"IF I GATHERED THE REMAINING LETTERS OF FIRST BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE WITH THE FIRST LETTERS OF THE REMAINING BEATRICE BAUDELAIRE ... I IMMEDIATELY BEGAN WORK ON THE FILE"

"gather" means: to bring together; collect

"LETTERS OF SOME PERSON" means letters FROM someone, right?

look "of" definition: www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/of

"used as a function word to indicate origin or derivation" )

What would be the method of distinguishing whether the letter comes from the mother of the Baudelaire siblings or Kit's daughter? Would comparing signatures be an appropriate method? No. As I explained on the Thread about the R letter, in Lemony's universe, signatures can be faked. Lemony did not believe that R's letter was even R's because there was her letter at the end of the letter. In addition, Lemony suspected that the letter From BB to LS # 1 could be from someone else, even seeing the signature of the letter. What could help distinguish from which Beatrice comes from each of the letters is just the content of the letters.

Now turn your attention to the letter BB to LS # 2. Here are some things that this letter has, and some things that this letter does not have.

The letter's sender wrote:

"I am leaving this city, only hours after finally seeing it for the first time, to follow your path of yarn and pins ... Without Violet, Klaus and Sunny, I am an orphan - an orphan who is leaving this letter here. .. PS This is a very handsome paperweight, by the way, although I can not tell if it is a snake, a worm, or an electric eel. "

This person is evidently Kit's daughter. She says she's never been on the City. She states that Baudelaire siblings are her parents. She states that she does not know what paperweight is, and anyone who has known Ike knows that paperweight is a leech. Now, what does this letter not have that is very common in several other letters from Beatrice to Lemony? This letter does not contain the anagrams "Baticeer" or "My Silence Knot".

Now let's look at the letter From BB to LS # 3.

See what this letter has and what this letter does not have. Note the sections below:

[...] the eldest shepherd said, ringing his cowbell to call to his flock, and looking me very carefully in the eye. I traded them a ring on my finger, emblazoned with the initial of someone I believe you once knew, for a yak ride to see the cave for myself. I don't know what i will have to trade in order to have this letter sent. Your cave is a miserable place - drafty, bat infested, and decorated with hideous wallpaper… This has been a hard years journey. And now... all have learned is what you said when you left this cave... "I'm in the mood for a root beer float", you said, and so am I. I will return to the city, where I've been told the best root beer floats can be found at certain shop, although I've forgotten the shop's name, location, and price list.”

The sender of this letter apparently does not know the Sebald code. The older pastor apparently tried to send him a message in Sebald's code, but she did not notice. Also, the sender of this letter does not know how to control bats. She saw several bats in the cave, and yet she had no idea of using one of them to send the letter to Lemony's office. In addition, Lemony evidently left a message that would be easily understood by the mother of the Baudelaire siblings. He said, "I'm in the mood for a root beer float." The first place the mother of the Baudelaire siblings would think about going would be at a specific cafe, where Lemony and Beatrice had their first meeting, the same place where they kept meeting for many years. In the letter From LS to BB # 3, Lemony makes a date with Beatrice in this cafe. He wrote:

"As you take your bow, drop one of your hatpins off the stage. That's your signal to me that it is safe to meet at the usual place for our midnight root beer floats."

So I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that this letter comes from Kit's daughter.

Now think: What does the letter From BB to LS # 3 not have that most of Beatrice's letters to Lemony have? Again, this letter does not contain the anagrams "Baticeer" or "My Silence Knot".

What is the origin of these anagrams? Who invented them, and what use did this person give to these anagrams? The answer to these questions is in the letter From LS to BB # 2

Lemony wrote:

"It's easy to write letters during Code Class ... The only other student I know in this class is O. who is nothing but annoyance. As I write this he is filling his notebook with anagrams of obscene words ... After the incident with the bottle of ink and the root beer float, I think it's better to spend my time inside "My Silence Knot" ... My sister has told me that there are bats to be found there, and I would love to spend some time with a certain "baticeer".

These anagrams were created by Lemony in a class that explained codes. Apparently it was a class that explained about the use of anagrams, because Olaf was writing anagrams in his notebook. Lemony went on to use anagrams in his letter to Beatrice. He used anagrams of his own name and the name of Beatrice. Beatrice understood that this was an excellent method for identifying herself in a letter. Whenever Beatrice sends a letter to the person she loves, Lemony, she writes the anagram of his name or her name or both. For this it is necessary to create an opportunity within the text of the letter to use the anagrams, even if this leaves the text with low naturalness. People who did not know the use of anagrams would never realize this method of identification. In addition, if Lemony found a letter without the anagrams My Silence Knot or Baticeer, Lemony would be certain that this letter would not come from the mother of the Baudelaire siblings. After all, why would someone use "My Silence Knot" in a letter? It is not a very common expression in English. What about the word "Baticeer"? This word does not even exist in English dictionaries.

Based on this, I can say that the letters From BB to LS # 1, # 4, # 5 and even # 6, come from the mother of the Baudelaire siblings.

Some of these passages make more sense when you come to that conclusion.

For example in BB to LS # 1:

"All I hope is the best, but hoping for the best, like hoping to obey your orders, almost always leads to disappointement ... There are many people, to affect all, with the same initials as you, just as THERE IS AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON WITH THE SAME INITIALS AS ME ... For years I kept quiet, feeling all my words twisting and tangling inside me like skeins of yarn, as I searched desperately for someone who could be of assistance. Now I must untie "My Silence Knot" and to a man I have ever seen ... I am hoping you wil tell me a story that began many years ago, in what I WAS TOLD IS A SORT OF CLASSROOM ... My name is Beatrice Baudelaire. I am searching for my family - Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire, and Sunny Baudelaire ...”

From this letter I can say that the letter comes from the mother of the Baudelaire siblings. However, Beatrice chooses her words so that any reader other than Lemony and I, believe the letter comes from Kit's daughter. Beatrice is master in disguises. She is on a much higher level than Count Olaf. Beatrice's true interest is linked to Lemony's past. Her interest is in the passion they had together, and they could never live fully. Even the letter From BB to LS # 6, is from the mother of the Baudelaire siblings. She chose to use a phraseology very similar to that of Lemony's first letter. She apologized for embarrassing Lemony in front of his friends. When did this happen? She had ever embarrassed Lemony when she canceled the marriage. Read the letter below:

"Beatrice Baudelaire, Baticeer extraordinaire (The Rhetorical Building 14th Floor): I am sorry you embarrassed me in front of your friends. I just wanted to talk to you. The waiter agreed to bring this card with your drink. If you do not want to meet me, rip it in hald when you are done with your root beer float, and I will leave and snow try to contact you again. But if you want to meet me, I'm the ten-year-old girl at the cornner table. B."

Of course Beatrice was not 10 years old when she wrote this letter ... I believe the following two options: 1) Beatrice was disguised as a 10-year-old girl, and 2) Beatrice wanted to make Lemony remember the old days, when they were children and Lemony wrote her the first letter.

Now see the excerpts from the BB to LS # 5 letter:

"If you are in your office - and I hope you are, I can hear you below me pacing across your creaky wooden floor - you cold simply walk out the door, head down the corridor toward the east staircase, walk up one flight of stairs, head down to corridor, and knock on the door of the office directly above yours, you would find me here, sitting at my typewriter. But you will not. For one thing, you have a lousy sense of direction, and you might not know witch way is east. For another, you clearly do not talk to me. "

(Note: How would Kit's daughter know that Lemony has a bad sense of direction? She had never met her uncle before ... On the other hand, the mother of the Baudelaire siblings knew Lemony well. Lemony tried to draw a map for the cafe where they were supposed to meet, and he wrote that the West Gate was the East Gate. The dashed lines on Lemony's map indicate the path he would take with Beatrice to the cafe. In Lemony's mind he would meet Beatrice outside the east gate. So Lemony drew the dashed line on the left side of the solid line. He thought the outside of the east gate would be even farther east. But he confused east with west. Lemony has a bad sense of direction, and Beatrice knew it from childhood.)

"Violet told me once that I saved her life, and Klaus claimed that I had not died in despair not long ago the destruction of the Denoument Hotel. Even Sunny said she could not have survived without me. "

I know most fans interpret that young Beatrice would be here talking about the fact that she was born at an appropriate time, and so she saved the Baudelaire siblings.

But for me, due to the facts cited, I think this passage is referring to the fact that Beatrice and Bertrand created the hybrid apple that literally saved the life of the Baudelaire siblings after the destruction of the Hotel Denoument. This happen on the Island. Even if Kit's daughter had not been born, I'm sure the Baudelaire siblings would have survived on the island.

In addition, BB to LS # 4 may be better understood:

" I am writing to inquire further on the matter we discussed earlier this year. I'm Business Letter Writing Class, which is taught by a flat-footed man so sad an aunaware that I am certain he will give me an A on this assignement without reading anithing but the first setence of each paragrafph. I could say anithing here at all. For instance: A "baticeer" is a person who trains bats. I learned that in a poem I watched you read. ... The theree Baudelaires may be long gone, but there is a fourth Baudelaire here, waiting for tou to untie "My silence not" and help me find the end of a story that began with you -- in the very room where I sit now, about to hand this letter to my business letter writing instructor so he will grade it and mail it."

I know most fans believe that the young Beatrice watched Lemony, saw him reading a poem and then learned the name "Baticeer". But because of the evidence I have already presented, I believe that is not the case. I believe that the name Baticeer and the expression "My Silence Knot" was written here only as a code of recognition. It is interesting that "My Silence Knot" was written so the first letters of each word capitalized and between quotation marks. This gives a special emphasis to this expression.

There is another important detail. In the TBL file, there are letters from Lemony to Beatrice. How did Lemony get those letters back? I know there are theories that claim that Lemony made copies of the letters. However, it was apparently the letters themselves, in the original paper that was sent to the publisher. For example, in one of the letters, a note written by R. is written. This infers that the letter that was sent to the editor was the letter that was sent to Beatrice, not a copy. Another theory indicates that Lemony recovered the cards in the destroyed house of Beatrice. That is possible, but I think it is unlikely, because fires in general burn paper.

So my theory is that Violet's mother, Klaus and Sunny gave Lemony the letters she had kept with great affection. After meeting in the cafe, she handed him the letters to show Lemony that he was always thinking of him.

What do you think of this theory? When I reread The Beatrice Letters under this new look I got some interesting things.

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widgenstain · 7 years ago

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Secret Mutant Letter

Slightly updated version from two years ago. Yes, it’s still super long, but don’t be deterred by that, I’m grateful for any gift and I will squeeee over whatever you decide to write for me.

If there’s any confusion left after reading the prompts, here’s a guideline for the things I like and the things I’m not so fond of:

I LIKE:

- Well thought-through characters with emotionally relatable/understandable motivations and a natural growth or decline. I will always pick a simple, short story with fleshed out, “real” characters over a twisty-turn-y ride that gives its players an unnatural progression and gimmick-y problems for ze ultimate drama.

- Porn.

- Charles Xavier. Yes, he’s my favourite character, with all his flaws and faults, so I would prefer if the story/art was focused on him. I don’t really care if it’s pre-beach Charles, canon disabled Charles, sad hobo trash-baby Charles, old Charles, or dark!Charles (hell yeah!) just give me Charles as the main character (unless you pick the Logurt or Alex/Armando fic of course). Concerning the smut: I very much like to see him top.

- Pairings: I pretty much ship Charles with everyone in the X-men verse, MCU, Elementary verse or verse of an obscure fandom only people from the Shetlands know about. Erik only with Charles, Magda, Moira or Shaw (as an abusive/bad boyfriend, not a happy relationship) please. I’m pretty open when it comes to side-pairings and I can’t really think of any that I wouldn’t like. Fem!slash is also always welcome.

- Balanced power dynamics in relationships. One of the things that draw me to Cherik is that despite the horrible things those two dumb men have put each other through in all those decades, they treat the other as some sort of equal. So, in a healthy relationship fix-it, I’d like to see this form of respect and sense of equality reflected. In all aspects of their lives, including the bedroom. I like to see this in other pairings too btw.

- Speaking of fix its and happy ends: I love AUs, I can’t help myself. If canon is as sad and depressing as ours, AUs are the way to go. You can go wild here since one of the reasons I fell into this fandom is the wide variety of AUs; Noir, Western, Space, Inanimate objects, Animals, Dragons, Historical, Mythology, Vampires… you name it and I’m pretty sure I’ll love it!

- The same goes for kinks. Excluding the exceptions mentioned below there isn’t much that could shock me or turn me away. Vore, watersports, dub-con, infidelity, incest (Charles/Raven hrrgggnnn), scat, awkward sex, premature ejaculation, intercrural, blood play, spinal cord injury sex, mpreg, caning… this list goes on and on. The previous years I always put genderbending and lactation on my No list but this has changed since. Bring on the genderfuck and men with breasts!

I DON’T LIKE

As open as I am to all different kinds of pairings and no-vagina-no kinks in fanfiction, as picky I am when it comes to dynamics and certain characterisations.

- Nothing will turn me away quicker from a fic than when Charles ‘Leader Of The X-men’ Xavier is portrayed as a waifish, helpless, stereotypically feminine bimbo who cries all day and wantonly spreads his legs for every strong man he meets. He’s smart, an optimistic realist with a big forgiving heart; He’s caring in a traditionally paternal (actually quite patriarchal, hello canon!dark!Charles) sense, later on very confident in his abilities as well as his PAN PAN PAN sexuality and very very powerful. Show it, don’t tell and please don’t turn him into this cutsey-wutsey thing that needs constant protection and only lives to be fucked by Erik’s a giant pulsing cock.

- The other side of this coin: That characterisation of Erik. I love Erik. He’s the one I usually identify with (minus the genocidal tendencies) therefore, yes, great character. I see him as a passionate, honest, righteous, determined, committed, angry man who is proud of EVERYTHING he is and who can be hilariously camp (and funny) and truly good to the few people he cares about. He’s also an unstable drama queen, starved for love and admiration, unreasonable, stubborn to the bone and has troubles expressing his many more tender emotions. He’s basically a huge ball of issues, so if I see him written as this cool, in-control, hyper-masculine, I-only-top-hurr-hurr, Christian Grey-ish kind of super-dom, I do not only turn away, I run screaming.

- In a similar, if a little more focussed on the smut vein: Wolverine is a canon bi man, you cannot tell me that he never had a dick up his arse in the 200 odd years he spent on this planet.

- I used to love a/o verses for the self-lubrication, the (consensual) heat aggressiveness and all the possibilities I saw in it. A gender sand-box where there are no limits: Women impregnating other people, pregnant men, a fictional discussion of what exactly defines genders, are they limited to who carries the children and who sires them or is there more etc., how does sexual dimorphism play into this… blah blah blah. Instead it’s often used to write bodice ripper story lines where Beatrice, the busty maiden and her true-love, the brooding and mysterious Lord Fatcock are replaced by two men. Or it’s used to make up biology reasons that excuse rape. If you go for the a/o prompts: Please don’t do that.

- From rape to love story arcs. This No comes right after waifish Charles. I don’t mind non-con in fanfiction, even sexualised non-con (I’ve learned that I prefer the a little less common sadistic POV in those though), but if one character abuses the other for 100k words, I don’t want to read about them falling in “love” in the end and having babies. Show rape as the violent and destructive act that it is and deal with the consequences. Don’t romanticise it and have the victim fall for their abuser for the sake of a “happy end”.

- Shaw/Charles. I actually do enjoy this pairing and there are some very good fics that feature it, but I just feel that there are enough of them the fandom already. At least of the ones with the typical “Shaw tortures Charles” dynamic. Shaw is Erik’s demon and I like to keep it that way.

- D/s verses or hard-core BDSM. I like the latter occasionally, if it stays confined to the bedroom, but I really am not a fan of how these relationships are portrayed in fanfiction (balanced power dynamics, remember?). With D/s verses I sometimes have major troubles understanding what exactly qualifies as consent and a lot of those ‘raised to kneel at the table’ tropes that pop up in them squick the hell out of me. So I rather not read them.

- I also have very specific tastes when it comes to crossdressing, which would take hours to explain, so I’m putting this kink in the No section too.

All of that said (phew, it was a lot), I hope one of my prompts will inspire you, write what you think feels right, and most importantly: enjoy yourselves and have fun!!!!

I can’t wait for the outcome!

Love,

Widge

#if a bunch of those don't make sense it's because I just linked the one from three yeard ago xD #yes I'm lazy #it's still mostly true though #secret mutant #secret mutant madness #gerec made me do it #i already love some of the prompts #but given what I'll have coming up in the next month #and my general fic output this year #I doubt that I will be able to fill one of them #We'll see #fingers crossed

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lithium-screams-blog · 7 years ago

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Review Four: Dominique Hoffmann

Review requested by Anon:

https://lithium-screams.tumblr.com/post/168229386670/hi-my-salty-lady-im-interessed-to-see-you

This character belongs to Cupid-Traurigherz on DeviantArt

https://cupid-traurigherz.deviantart.com/art/AOT-SNK-Dominique-OC-691154567

Welcome back to your daily dose of salt! It is I, Spider! Basically, I have a new set up; I’ll take the best and the weakest qualities of a character and gloss over them and hopefully help the creator and of course entertain you! Also, spoiler, after reading this oc I’m happy to say the creator has a real knack for making likable and realistic characters. Surprisingly, in my opinion, this is one of the best AoT FCs I’ve read in awhile. Without further ado, introducing Dominique.

Name: Dominique Hoffmann.

Kanji: ドミニク・ホフマン.

Romanji: Dominiku Hofuman.

Other names: Dominique Fässler.

I’m not going to lie, I love the name Dominique. It’s truly a unique name, but not in an “edgy” way, it’s actually quite pretty. According to the wonderful google:

Which makes sense because of this part of her bio:

Ethnicity: Swiss (German part)/Italian.

Origin: Switzerland

She is mostly Swiss, so a Swedish surname would be more fitting but Hoffman also works due to her German origins.

Romantic orientation: Panromantic.

Sexual orientation: Heterosexual

I actually have never seen a romantic and sexual orientation pair like this. It’s actually pretty compelling in my opinion and you’ll see we get into the ship section of the review it works pretty well and allows for a lot of fun ships.

Likes:

Read;

Cook;

Draw and paint;

Botanik;

Sweets.

I could not find what Botanik means or what it is, but everything else is actually really cool! Most AoT FCs I’ve read about have liked things such as “fighting titans” or “edgy” things. But her likes are actually pretty unique and cool. (Bonus: ocs that cook are c u t e a f)

Dislikes:

Herself;

Stay awake for a long time.

I have to say, how she dislikes herself made me slightly depressed. But, I see self-hate within a lot of ocs, but the thing is, it’s very common especially in adolescents like Domonique. The age range when most kids feel self-conscious is from ages 12-16 (the time of puberty). So for her, it works very well.

Habits:

Bite her lips until it bleeds;

Observe Bertholdt's body.

I actually enjoy the habits, they're unique really! I’ve never seen the biting of the lips habits which makes it interesting and personal. I actually like the second one too, it’s pretty cute and kinda perverted (in a good way). You’ll later see how much I actually enjoy this ship, it actually works pretty well.

Dreams:

Find the love of her life;

Discover about her past.

Fears:

Have no reason to live.

All realistic dreams and fears! I really like the dreams, they are common but not common however in the AoT FC subcommunity. It’s refreshing to see a softer and less aggressive character. Same with the fears, another realistic but well used. I feel slightly biased because I share similar desires, but as we go forward it truly fits the character.

Personality:

She is the kind of person who has "no personality of her own". Every time she decides something she is targeting about what her biological mother would choose. Strange as it may seem, she knows every single detail about her biological mother. She tries her best to copy her mother to the point of seeming almost identical.

By what she demonstrates, she is a rather shy and rather sociable person. Dominique is usually very cute and affectionate with people and secretly shows a serious, cold and calculating personality. She is someone very calm, patient and very manipulative and when something hits her heart or her mind to the points to destroy her sanity, she cries a lot. Dominique also believes that everything has their reasons and the world has no plans for her. She usually sleeps a lot and hopes that she'll never wake up again. While lying on bed she practice self harm.

I do really like the psychology of her personality. I rarely see characters that find the need to act on another person's personality and I find it fascinating. One small inconsistency is that she is shy and sociable. Here is the definition of the two.

As you can see, there’s a bit of a conflict between the two traits. I’d say leave in the one that most defines Dominique.

Height: 173 cm.

Weight: 52 kg.

As always, we will be looking at the BMI chart to see if her weight and height make sense.

She is actually on 17 for her height, which would make her slightly underweight. Personally putting soldiers into the “healthy” section is slightly more practical. Which is simple! Just add a few kilograms and it will move her into a new space. I would suggest 54 kgs or the 19th slot for her height. Minor, but an easy fix!

Mental: Loss of sanity easily when her feelings are hurt or when she feels threatened. Also has personality disorder and depression.

Memory: She has short-term memory loss.

I only have two questions that seem unlisted. First, out of curiosity, what personality disorder does she have? Second, how intense is her short-term memory loss. Is it only smaller memories, or everything and anything after a certain amount of time? These two are just me being curious, but it’s always a good idea to include specifics.

Battle Skills: 5/10.

Initiative: 3/10.

Intellect: 9/10.

Diligence: 11/10.

Motivation: 2/10.

Strategy: 3/10.

Teamwork: 8/10.

3D Maneuver-Gear: 7/10.

Speed: 7/10.

As we know, I’m quite picky with stats, but these are great! They are well balanced and not too high but not too low. Really well done!

Friends (Canon): Annie and Bertholdt.

Friends (OC's): Emma, Lukas, Evelyn, and Beatrice.

Her lack of friends makes sense considering her personality, and I applaud the consistency so far. I also enjoy seeing OCs with other OCs as their friends. I think it’s really cool to have other people involved with the story making and character development of another character. Overall the relationships are well done.

Bastory:

Until now little is known about the past life of Dominique. As far as is known, she was a street girl who didn't know her parents or her past. She use to forget things very easy and have flashback in dreams. In her 9 years she was adopted by a family of cookers in Trost, she used to work there and learn about one of her favorites hobbies, cooking. Her family couldn't give her what she needed and dreamed, knowledge. So they sent her to the trainee to give her the opportunity to learn. Dominique entered the Garrison to avoid fighting the titans and staying close to the family.

As made apparent by my prior review, I do have a rather weak attention span and in my opinion, this backstory is perfect! Short and sweet! I enjoy her backstory, and it was a pleasure to read. It’s nice and not too tragic or overdone. It’s definitely a unique type of character background, which one thing you will notice about me, is the best ocs are ocs that try something new.

That concludes my oc review of Dominique! Overall, I enjoyed learning about her and knowing me I’ll probably lowkey stalk the creator to see more art of this cutie. She’s a well done and well thought out character. Other than a few minor inconsistencies I think she is definitely reaching her potential.

Before I go, I would like to address that I will be striving to create less harsh reviews. I’ll be keeping (hopefully) my occasional comedic moments, but my main goal has always been to entertain and hopefully give helpful tips to the creator.

Thanks for the support!

-Spider

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aliceinguatemala · 7 years ago

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Building

At last I’m up to the build! We had breakfast at the hotel restaurant at 7, as we did each morning and loaded into our vans at 7:30. Generally on Habitat builds when we build houses, the team splits up into two groups to work on two houses. In this case, since we were building only stoves, we split up into three groups. My group included Tom, our only man, Jan, Jackie S. and Kristyna, one of our volunteer coordinators. Kristyna is from the Czech Republic, but she’s been working in Latin America for a few years now. She speaks excellent Spanish and English. I think Tom was very brave to come on a trip with 15 women. He’s held up quite well. Perhaps partly thanks to his feisty daughter, Tinsley, who has apparently been giving him sass since she was small.

We’ve got an interesting group of volunteers and Habitat staff. You may skip over this next part if you like, but I’ll quickly tell you where everyone is from. Jackie S. - Seattle. Jackie B. - north of Toronto. Karen - Bermuda. Rhonda - Bermuda. Karin - Wisconsin. Pam - Philly. Diana - Florida. Laura - South Carolina. Jan - Colorado. Tom - Michigan. Those are the volunteers. And as for staff I already told you about Kristyna. Sandra - Antigua. Beatrice - Chimaltenango, close to Antigua. Mackensie - Iowa. Many of us have been on builds before, though this is my first time on a Healthy Homes build. Rhonda, Tom and Laura have been on builds with Trina, our trip leader, who has lived in Bermuda for almost 30 years, but is originally from England. Trina and our Habitat staff have done a terrific job. I believe this is Trina’s fifth trip to Guatemala. We’ve had some great experiences.

TEAM PHOTO AT CACIQUE INN

Now I’ll tell you a bit about our work with the families - and I’ve already told you some about the stoves. Today is Saturday, so we finished our last three stoves yesterday. Each day we went to a different family’s house. As I’ve said, these families live in extreme poverty, often making no more than the equivalent of US $1.50 a day. Children begin working in the fields with their parents at a young age. By the time they are in their early teens, they may be leaving the village to work. Yesterday we built a stove for Doña Lorenza. Her 14-year-old son works outside the home in a shop - I can’t remember what sort exactly - in Solola, the city closest to their village. And her 16-year-old daughter works at a tortilleria, where they make tortillas all day. Her third child, a daughter, is 19 and is already married with two children, a three-year-old and a two-week old.

DOÑA LORENZA AND OUR TEAM, “LOS TRANSFORMADORES”

Doña Lorenza is a widow. She lives with her mother-in-law, her brother-in-law and the two children still at home. They all sleep in one room with two beds. The only other rooms in the house are her mother-in-law’s kitchen and her kitchen, which is much smaller and darker than her mother-in-law’s. To get to the “bathroom” you walk through the narrow gap between the two kitchens. The bathroom is much like the others I’ve described. This family has a lovely orange tree in their small dirt yard, whose fruit will be ready to eat in December. The rest of the yard is occupied by two large chicken coops, but I saw no chickens, and another large shed that I’m guessing is used for storage. And off to one side is a large, T-shaped sink called a pila, which has three sections to it. The middle section is deeper and wider than the two on either side and holds a large amount of water. The two side sections are shallow and have a ridged surface, likely to wash clothes and clean dishes. You scoop the water from the the main basin and use it throughout the day.

PILA

Doña Lorenza’s family also had a couple large, round plastic containers filled with water for us to use and also for the family to use. Most of these families don’t have clean drinking water. 95% of the water in Guatemala is contaminated, so we can’t brush our teeth with the water or, obviously, drink it. None of the 12 families with whom we worked had a water filter. We took our own clean water every day. At the end of the day we’d leave whatever water we didn’t drink. The women filled jugs, pots, pans and whatever else could hold water, so we’d leave behind an odd assortment of containers filled with purified water. On some healthy homes builds, families get a stove, a latrine and a water filter. In this case, the families are so impoverished they are unable to afford all three. Our team donated money for each of the twelve families to receive a water filter.

PUPPIES SHARE DOÑA LORENZA’S WATER TOO

Many women in the Mayan communities surrounding Solola and Pana are single mothers as a result of being widows. Mayan women in these communities don’t remarry. Most of the time when we were building our stoves, we were surrounded by women and young children. The men were off working in the fields, along with the older kids - or they were off working elsewhere. Sometimes men do weaving or embroidery, as was the case with our first family. Victor and Pedro (brothers) both do intricate embroidery with sewing machines. I believe that Pedro also works in the fields around their home. Generally Guatemalans will do a little of whatever they can to earn money.

Our family on Tuesday was a pretty large group. Doña Maria and Don Santiago have nine children. Some of the girls have married and moved in with their husbands’ families. Some of the sons have married and their wives have come to live in the small family compound, though it’s a million times different than the compounds of the rich and famous one might think of when one hears “compound,” i.e., the Kennedy compound on Cape Cod. One of the daughters-in-law, Cristina, spoke good Spanish, so we spoke a lot with her. She’s sixteen, married to one of the sons and has a seven-month-old son. Cristina told us that her husband drinks and that she sleeps in her “kitchen” with her baby. The kitchen is essentially a lean to with a plastic tarp for a door. It’s packed full with various household items, like plastic baskets, cookware, bags - it just looks like a jumble of stuff. There was a small area with some blankets where Cristina said she sleeps. She asked both me and our Cristina, separately, for help. We’re not sure if what she’s told us is entirely true, but certainly she could use some help, as could any 16-year-old with a baby living in poverty.

CRISTINA AND HER SON, BRIAN

This same day I went for a walk with Jackie S. and Jan along the dirt road running through the corn fields. We eventually came to a group of shacks where a couple men were sitting. They came over to talk to us as we passed by on our way back to our site. From what I understood, there were three families living in the immediate area, all of whom were quite poor, but one of whom needed more help than the others. They asked if we wanted to go see the family, but I didn’t think it was smart to get too involved, since we ourselves couldn’t help. I told them we’d tell our Habitat companions about their situation and maybe they could help.

The one man who spoke more kept saying he wanted to learn English. I didn’t understand entirely what was said, but I got the gist. As well I got the sense that the man was somehow hoping we’d help him. I think when many of these people see us and hear we are from the US, they assume we are wealthy and can help them. In fact when we introduced ourselves to Wednesday’s family and I said I was from the US and specifically New York, Doña Maria said I must have a lot of money. And comparatively, I am wealthy.

It’s challenging sometimes to work in these impoverished communities where they have so little, as I want to as much as I can for them, but I’ve got to draw a line. Besides the challenge of how much to do for an individual or a family, there’s the limitation of working with a Habitat team. We can’t really give help to one person or family and not help the others. That would reflect poorly on Habitat overall and likely set unrealistic expectations for future projects.

In Guatemala besides Spanish there are 22 or 23 spoken Mayan languages and two Afro-Carribean languages (on the east coast). The Afro-Carribean culture and traditions are totally different from the Mayan ones. Many of the women with whom we worked spoke little Spanish, but a couple of our masons spoke Kachiquel, so we were able to communicate a little better. I used my limited Spanish to speak with those who did speak better Spanish.

And sometimes we could communicate without language, as when Doña Maria hugged us all at the her stove dedication. It was no big deal when she hugged the women, but when she got to Tom, who is quite tall - and a man, of course - all the women and girls burst into fits of giggles. In general, I’m impressed to see how much amusement and levity exists within the indigenous communities given how little they have. I’d say that’s been my experience in every Habitat build. Of course life goes on once we leave and behind closed doors and I’m sure there is misery too, but I’m glad to see the happiness as well.

DOÑA MARÍA AND DON SANTIAGO WITH THEIR NEW ESTUFA

DOÑA MARIA, KRISTYNA, MIGUEL AND TWO LITTLE ONES WHO WERE TOO SHY TO TELL ME THEIR NAMES

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whoslaurapalmer · 5 years ago

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for the directors cut thingy what are you doing the rest of your life? this is one of if not my most favorite warm fuzzy lemonberryice fic so any part of it you want to talk about, but especially the bit starting with “‘I wouldn’t run,’ I said. ‘And I will thank you not to point out my previous track record of doing just that’”

thank you!!!!!!! also, true to form, this is, so long, cause i just did the whole thing. what else would i do. the tl;dr of it all is that when i write fic, i am always thinking about writing structure and individual characterization and what the point of any given story is above all else, and that consumes a lot of brain power. and that you could give me any line in a fic and i will have an incredibly specific anecdote for it.

the first lemonberry ice i wrote!! what a time. i specifically tagged it as ‘very little angst and no one dies!!!’ because i’d just posted beatrice like. three months before??? and i said to myself ‘hmm. i don’t want people to think all i can write is angst......’ so i wanted the fic to be like, look! nothing bad happens here this time!! it’s all good!!!!!!!!! and i had wanted to write something happy!! i like fluff a lot!!

like bertrand, i was also searching for the right sinatra song for this fic. if it isn’t obvious, by now, three years later, i love sinatra a lot. on my previous laptop, the file for this fic was still titled after the first song the fic was supposed to be about, but when i backed up everything in googledrive i titled it properly, so the file name is the proper one now, but i’m, 99% sure the original song was i get a kick out of you (specifically this super jazzy one, not the one with the opener, it’s slower and doesn’t sound the same). but LIKE WITH EVERY CHOICE I MAKE IN A FIC i wasn’t sure it really captured what the fic was about. especially the “you obviously don’t adore me” line, because the fic was certainly more upbeat than that. so i dug around on youtube for one i thought fit better and found what are you doing the rest of your life. for three people, living such turbulent and unpredictable lives, to hear this song about always wanting to be there, for everything, no matter what it is, and for the rest of their lives, to admit that’s possible............ i couldn’t find a recording of young!sinatra singing it, though, which bummed me out a little. nothing wrong with old!sinatra, but you can start to hear more of the.....age his voice, you know?

since this was 2017, only the first netflix season was out, and we all still had such high hopes for it, and i sure did, and tito puente was mentioned in miserable mill and because s1 was so good i didn’t mind making a couple references to it because EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL, and i just wound up sticking him in beatrice and what are you doing the rest of your life because his music was great and it was a fun callback! simpler times indeed........

my main goal with the fic was, i think, to try and figure out how i thought the three of them worked in a relationship, since it was my first time writing them. which is why there’s really specific lines like, “A year had gone by and I still wasn’t used to how free Bertrand was with his affection.” and “I grinned, because after all this time I knew when she was kidding. Beatrice’s razor-sharp wit, and the touches of playfulness behind it, was one of my favorite things about her.” they’re lines that i still think are absolutely in character for lemony, and i probably wouldn’t change them if i wrote it now, but i do feel they’re a little too, on point. or not on point, just.....obvious. like, not only did the lines have to make sense in the style, but they had to make sense, for me, as i was writing, as i was trying to figure out their characters and what would show lemony’s nerves alongside bea and bertrand’s habits and their relationship as a whole, and that’s a lot to try and do

“‘Sonnets,’ I said. ‘Beatrice will write sonnets.’” truly. i am truly haunted by this line now. it will keep me up at night.

oh boy, that section is. a lot. i gotta go through the whole thing. i do.

“I wouldn’t run,” I said. “And I will thank you not to point out my previous track record of doing just that, because they were all for relatively legitimate reasons.” I liked to think that I wouldn’t do it again, if the sort of situation arose where it was something I had to consider. (i think every writer in this fandom will admit that one of the hardest things to do, when writing a happy fic, is trying to find the line between, ‘i cannot avoid the legit canon events that have happened to these characters and turned them into the people they are, and i need to address that, no matter what i’m doing’ and ‘i want them to be happy and they deserve it’ and i think that’s a lot of what this section is. referencing how in canon lemony runs to not necessarily avoid his problems, but also, mainly, i think, because he believes 1) that’s the only way to protect the people he cares about and 2) that they’re better off without him, and how there’s definitely a gap between him leaving stain’d-by-the-sea and returning to the city, where anything happened, that counts as ‘leaving,’ and it was also supposed to reference one of the giant fics i was working on at the time, where the climax was, of course, and like any good slow burn fic, a misunderstanding that involved lemony leaving before reconciling with bea and bertrand. this fic would’ve taken place after it.) I liked to think that marriage wasn’t one of those things, because it was something I genuinely wanted. (2017!me had no idea what 2019!me would do......) But the uncertainties of the world sometimes made even that lovely thing seem so far out of my grasp that, if I was honest with myself, I had considered slipping away into the night so that I wouldn’t ruin anything else. It was an upsetting thing to think, but I had thought of it as much as I had thought about those musical numbers. (i still think about that, sometimes. lemony and bertrand, proposing like true theater nerds.)

Bertrand looked out over the water. “Do you think I’m not scared too, Lemony? About the things we do, the positions we put ourselves in, whether this assignment or the next one will be the one that takes one of you away from us?” (my mental checklist of things i write include ‘lulu, is there a moment in the fic where like, The Point Of The Fic Is Made,’ like the moment where it all comes together and, this is what the fic was For an What It’s Supposed To Say, and that’s what this scene was for, and it’s definitely in what bertrand’s saying here.) (but because it’s 2017, like some of the earlier lines, i feel as if The Point is Too On Point. but it’s something i still struggle with, even now.) (it’s still important for bertrand to say it, though.....)

“No,” I said. “I’m not that much of a fool to think that my fears aren’t universal.”

“Sometimes you act like you do,” Bertrand said quietly. “And I am under no delusion that our feelings for each other will fix any or all of our problems. But they can be a little easier to deal with that way, when you know you aren’t alone. You know that, don’t you?” (i had a lot of characterization notes around this fic (and the giant fic i was writing) since i was, again, just writing them and trying to figure out how they all worked, so i had a little list of like, what each of them do for the other, and parts of it were “bertrand prevents beatrice and lemony from being too dramatic, bertrand prevents lemony from being too self-deprecating, lemony allows bertrand to feel less self-conscious (and probably less worried because bertrand knows someone else shares his terrible anxieties)” and there are things i write differently now, because i’ve been at it for a while, but it was important for me to figure out how they connected with each other and....not what they offered each other, and certainly not how they fixed each other, but how each of them lessened certain canon elements that would make their relationship go differently. because again all my lemonberry ice fics (with the exception of the letter) are written from a standpoint where they would rewrite canon, especially this one. anyway, that’s.....that’s what that dialogue was supposed to do. when all three of them are together, they’re capable of being that support for each other and evening each other out.)

I wanted very much to believe that, but every time Beatrice or Bertrand said it, it never seemed to sink in the way it should. It is one thing to love someone, or multiple someones, to love them so much you often can’t think of anything else, but another thing to trust them and the things they say and yourself, especially when you live the kind of lives that we lived. (i hate to keep bringing up years i know it’s like. weird but it’s how i sort where my brain was, and 2017 was a great year for analysis in this fandom and i don’t remember who exactly had brought up, that lemony sees a difference between love and trust, especially after ellington (he loved her but he didn’t trust her), and that’s something that’s so true that i’ve never forgotten and that gets brought up in other fics too (bea in the letter loving lemony but not trusting him.....). there are certain headcanons, of my own and of others, that i tend to just get, attached to, so they just. keep. happening.) Perhaps I did forget about it sometimes, the terrible recklessness with which Beatrice occasionally acted, how Bertrand tended to be much too quiet at times, the things all of us did when we forgot we weren’t alone. (yet another ‘line that has to work in the narrative and Say The Point’ because that really is a big thing in how i structure stories. i feel like it’s so necessary for there to BE a point to each thing i write, ESPECIALLY in shorter pieces, otherwise, why???????? and you know what, i need to be less strict about that, really.) The three of us were not perfect people, not by any means, but three imperfect people doing what they can for each other in a turbulent world is sometimes better than three perfect people going through life without a care about anything else. (i rewrote this line a few times, but it’s one of my favorites. this fic really has aged well, especially with lemony’s narration, this line in particular.)

I squeezed Bertrand’s hand and didn’t say anything more.

speaking of lemony’s whole love vs. trust thing and my rewriting, i tend to keep most of what i cut out of a fic, especially while i’m trying to figure out a certain line (although sometimes i’ll just rewrite over it and then it’s lost to time), and the file has my original attempts for this scene, which still had some good lines --

I think it is a universally accepted truth that if you love someone, you trust them, in one way or another, but I have never felt that way. there have been quite a few people whom I loved a great deal but didn’t trust them, or people that I knew I could trust to act a certain way but certainly didn’t love at all. I believe it comes with the sort of upbringing that involves a great deal of suspicion for even the people around you.

the circumstances around you meeting them. but sometimes also because of the things they do. or you can not love someone at all and trust them, because you know them to be a horrible person and trust that they will continue to act in horrible ways, and that at the bottom of every root beer float you drink in their presence there will be a small collection of thumbtacks.

bertrand looked out over the water. “we love you very much, lemony,” he said, “and I don’t expect that to fix any or all of our problems. but do you trust that we feel that way?”

I did. or I wanted to. the thing about trust is that it is a very difficult thing, and as much as I wanted to spend the rest of my life between the two of them, the amount of uncertainty I felt about myself and our lives and even about that uncertainty was a heavy thing.

“what if it’s not enough?”

“maybe it’s not,” bertrand admitted. “but it’s good enough.”

“‘Hey, hey!’ Beatrice said, snatching the plate from him. ‘Don’t be like that with the good plates.’” still one of my favorite actions. still makes me laugh, even though now i think bea would be the one to be reckless with dishware.

and beatrice talking about their apartment being too small for children is a top favorite fic ending. i love her. so much.

#lulu talks about the sad lemon man #littlestsnicket

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