#i really hope this isnt a repeat of august

[gouinisme]

i need to kill god and then myself

[urapocolypticcrush]

hii rose 👋

thank you for the answers to the last questions!! they were so fun and interesting! (your eyes are such a beautiful colour by the way, like the sea on a clear day🌊)

you have a cat?? OMG I WISH I HAD A CAT but im not allowed one 😭 what is your cat's name?? how long have u had him?

i realized i hadnt asked u about taylor swift yet!!! (i cant believe that wasnt the first question i asked haha)

how long have you been a swiftie and when did you become a swiftie? any fun facts u wanna share about being a swiftie? (kinda random but hey still relevant)

what song/album made you a fan? what are your top 3 albums? what are your favourite songs of hers?

have u been to any of her concerts before the eras tour?did u go or are you going to the eras tour? (i didnt get to go, taylor isnt coming to my country 😭)

from anon 💌

hi anon !!! 💌

thank you omg youre so sweet!!

my cat is three years old and i’ve had him since he was around 6 months old!! his name is tiger!! (i really hope you can get a cat one day they’re such lil cuties)

omg taylor!!!! my beloved aaaah!!!!

i’ve been a swiftie since 2020!! (don’t laugh but i liked her since 2016 but i wasn’t actually sure who she was lmaoooo) i became a proper swiftie because of folklore, but before that i had reputation and 1989 on REPEAT. umm let me think about fun facts!! aah i really dont know what counts but ive stayed up for nearly every album release ive been a fan for! and i constantly have the eras tour on repeat so i can literally act out every song on the tour and whenever one of the songs plays i do all the dances and moves lmaooo

i always say folklore made me a fan!!! (specifically cardigan!) DONT DO THIS TO ME ANON TOP THREE ALBUMS IS SOOO HARD AAAH

ok im gonna do it for you but this causes me physical pain. (these are NOT ranked) ok so top 3: folklore, the tortured poets department and midnights (but evermore and lover and rep are SOSO close to being here)

again favourite songs are IMPOSSIBLE. but some of my die hard loves are: getaway car, tis the damn season, the last great american dynasty, the archer, its nice to have a friend, ivy, white horse, we were happy, mastermind, sweet nothing, invisible string and basically all the tortured poets songs!!!

ive not been to any of her concerts before sadly (i wouldve loved to go to rep!!) but im very lucky and im going to the eras tour in august!!! i cant wait omg!! (im SO sorry shes not coming to your country im praying one day youll get to see her live!!!!)

anyway im sorry this ones so long anon but thanks so much for the asks ily lots you’re such a lil sweetheart!!!!!

thanks anon <33

[no-brand-gays]

sooooooo it’s midnight and i feel comfy enough to say that ps no mukougawa has been one of my favorite songs since it came out and i always loved the lyrics for how beneath the cheery surface is some really genuine loneliness and beneath THAT is more cheer and hope and optimism. like, i saw all that. and today when i woke up it was stuck in my head so i went to listen to it and those lyrics hit me harder than they had before because now i have such a one-for-one parallel in my life to relate them to

[kichimiangra]

I only needed 5 minutes...

A story of my day.

I Dunno who actually wants to read this? I wouldn't even want to. But I feel like I need to vent. The last couple of weeks have been fucked... but yesterday I ruined the day... again. I've been doing that alot lately. Almost every other Saturday since August. I hope venting makes me feel better if nothing else. I'll probably delete this later because I don't like leaving a notable paper trail of this stuff that anyone can find. Nothing but trouble comes of that. When I'm on my pc I'll put this under a read more because I dunno how to do that on mobile.

-----------------------

The Holidays are almost over and I am running out of time to get done. One thing in particular, a gift, is unfortunately gone. My mom has orchestrated all of Christmas, even down to the gifts other people are getting for her... and she's not happy about it. She feels like nobody is willing to lift a finger to help her make Christmas happen. I wanted to surprise her.

She loves making soap. I'm not good at sculpture but I wanted to make a custom soap mold for her. I began with the original that would be used to make the mold. It took days upon days of trying and retrying to get it satisfactory, including one failure where my momnpoked her head in and I slammed my chin down on it so she wouldn't see, though my dad swears my mom never pokes her head into my room... but like she does???

Anyway... I finally had my original, though I think I could do better there's not much time left. I ordered a silicone mold kit and went to work... and it failed immensely. BUT there's still a little time left! I'll order another. Now THIS time was frustrating.

My mom wasn't being nosy... but literally EVERYTIME I got the stuff out to work on she would be there by sheer coincidence! Wait until she's asleep? Dad will have a coughing fit and wake her up and she'll wander out into the kitchen. Wait until she's out of the house? She never leaves. Wait until she does? She forgot something and comes home unexpectedly and I have to quickly hide my shit. She's not doing it on purpose but it gets more and more frustrating that I just can't just fucking get this done! Like... Jeebus Christmas! My dad says this doesnt happen but... it does????? And then I fuck up my second attempt. Fuck... I have less time...

But that's okay! I have enough time to order another kit! I've only spent 80$ so far with nothing to show but third times a charm!!!

Once again I just can't get the time to get this done. She's always there, or up, or poking her head in. It's almost cartoonish! But I have not time left. It has to be today.

My folks go down for an afternoon nap and I immediately get to work. I get toward the end of working, all's going well. I only need 5 minutes...

Then my dad gets up and my moms not far behind. Fuck... I can't move the mold yet... fuck. I just need 5 fucking minutes! I'm wrestling with curious cats. Fuck... My dad is useless at maybe luring my mom away. Fuck... my mom insists she needs to be in that same corner I'm working at. Fuck...! I just need five minutes!!!

Then of course disaster strikes... there's a crack or a hole in my original and silicone is leaking out! I had barely enough silicone to even make this happen! I can't afford to lose anymore! Fuck! I need to fix this! I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

I'm getting frustrated to the point I am starting to do that angry sob thing. I take it to another room now that I can move it. I just need 5 minutes to fix this! My parents follow my to the other room to find out what's wrong. Honestly my dad knows what I'm trying to do so given the context what do you thing is wrong dad? Clearly something has gone wrong with my mold. I tell him to go away cuz really I'm trying to fix this and I need to be left alone. I need five minutes to fix this... but he won't leave until I tell him what's wrong. I try to whisper it to him, the mold is leaking, I don't have enough silicone, nowhere local sells it, I can't get more in time. But his hearing has gone so he can't hear what I'm saying! He wants me to speak up but mom is just around the corner in the other room! I need him to fucking go. I'm frustrated and I tell him rudely "Just fuck off! I have to fix this!" Rude and inappropriate I know... but I just need 5 fucking minutes to fucking fix this I am sobbing at this point.

My dad leaves but of course my mom comes in next and wants to know what's wrong. I'm being very curt with her using my body to block the sight of my mess, telling her as calmly as I can, which isnt very calm, that nothings wrong, no she cant help me fix it, I'll tell her later, go back to the kitchen. I don't swear at my mother. That is important. I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

Finally the leak stops but so much silicone is on my baking tray that the mold is no longer submerged. I use a plastic spoon to get as much as I can back in the mold but it's not enough. I'm covered in silicone up to my wrist, and it's also in my hair. I put it up on a high shelf because the cats helped ruin mold #2 and sit down to mourn the loss of the only gift I had for my mom. I had no backup plans and this ones a bust.

I just need 5 minutes to calm down. I was rude to my parents and need to apologize to them, but first I need 5 minutes to just calm down and breath. Maybe I can find another gift in time? Maybe I can just wrap the original and promise in the nearish future when I can procure more silicone that she will have a mold? First I need to calm down. Then I need to apologize.

My dad comes into the room and chews me out about how rude as I was and how I need to go apologize to my mother. I hate when they do this, now when I apologize it's because I was told to, not because I took the initiative to. My folks can't comprehend I would otherwise apologize if not being told. All I wanted was 5 minutes to calm down.

I go and apologize. I am not the good guy in all of this, I am an adult. An autistic adult but an adult nonetheless, and being rude to my parents was inappropriate regardless. I didn't get my 5 minutes but off to apologize I go. "I'm sorry I lashed out guys. I was doing something, it didn't go my way, I got super frustrated and you guys were just there by coincidence. I didn't mean to lash out." I did mean what I said.

Mom didn't see it that way. My mom is very passive aggressive and honestly I get to be one of the reasons today she hates living here in this house and around us because all we do is "abuse" her physically and verbally. She hates living here and she hates being around us. I apologized again because great. Once again Kacey ruins everything. I need to stop being upset about this shit it's like every other saturday! She continues about how much she hates it here. I leave the room trying and failing not to sob.

My mom also gets up and goes to another room. Whatever she's doing is loud and she's quite verbal about it. I go back to my room, I just need 5 minutes to cry and calm down again. I still have other shit to do for Christmas too.

My mom comes by with a box and puts it on the table, with a sharpie she writes "Christmas soap fail 2020" and tells dad to take it to the basement. For context we had been making soap kits for xmas gifts. I had coworkers who got me gifts. I was dissuaded from buying them much in return because we were makin by the soap gift bags. Those where the soaps... I have nothing in return to give my coworkers. I don't have enough time... all the while my mom is still going off. Later my dad says it wasn't all my fault, he had done something to upset her earlier in the day, then my older sister, I was just the straw that broke the camels back. But honestly in this family it's whatever baby wants; baby gets." And what baby wants is to be mad at me.

I go upstairs and hide in my brother's room. Surprisingly despite the fact that my mom acts like he is one of the only people who care about her and defend her, he was the first one to tell me "Fuck her. If she wasn't going to be mad at you it was going to be something else. Now watch me play Aladdin on Sega genesis!"

After a while my younger sister came over to do her laundry. I began to quietly tell her what the flippity floop she walked in on. In the middle my mom came out and started chewy us out. Y'know, don't let her interrupt us from talking privately amongst ourselves about how much of a bitch she is. Her words not mine. And to be fair I was telling my sister about how I lashed out and caused this. But my mom doesn't like when we sibs talk privately, though she also doesn't like if we overhear what her and my dad talk about privately. Double standards I know.

I thought maybe if I explained what was up maybe she'd understand? So I out myself. I was trying to make her a surprise gift. She orchestrated ALL of Christmas and I just wanted to surprise her. Everything started going wrong and I was getting frustrated because she woke up and entered the room at an AWFUL time and I couldn't get me and my wip gift away from her seeing which made everything worse. Now one thing to know about my mom, explaining oneself is equated to excusing your behavior... and she does not tolerate that. She chews me out more. I'm sobbing again.she insists I told her to fuck of and get away from me... even though I did NOT curse at my mom... at all. I was rude but I did NOT say that! I repeat that I had just wanted to surprise her. She tells me about how unsurprised she is that this is how her day ends. She tells me that she doesn't want whatever trinket I was making for her because now it's tied up in the baggage of having apparently told her to fuck off and get away from me, that she doesn't want another in a long line of ass-kissy gifts because that makes being rude to her okay. It wasn't an ass kissy gift in response to being rude to her... it was a custom made Christmas gift for her... because I thought she'd be surprised? Because I thought it'd make her happy? Though I guess it doesn't matter... she doesn't want it anymore. She doesn't care what it was. Now it is a bad reminder of me treating her like everyone in her whole life has except specifically people who are dead. I have ruined quite a few things.

Honestly... I love my mom. I love her so much and I wish she could be happy. I want to do things to make her happy. But when she tells me that I am just one of the things that make her wanna run away to another state and tell no ody where she went and love alone... I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I wish I was dead.

I am a 29 year old autistic woman. I feel like a failure at growing up. I have stressed part of my colon into not working anymore. I still live at home with my parents and work in a minimum wage fast food job. I have few friends and I speak to them infrequently, but if you are at a place where I call you friend... we could not talk for 10 years and your still my friend until officially broken up. I surround myself with animals and I play with a digimon tamagotchi. My sisters have grown up jobs and drive and live in an apartment away from home and I feel like a failure because I missed all these adulting milestones. I feel CONSTANTLY guilty about everything. I feel like I can't say "hey let's do a shark mermaid themed charity zine and all the proceeds can go to buying preservatives for Rosie the dead great white shark!!!" Without the guilt at the mere idea that someone will tell me "Wow... you care more about a dead shark than say... real living people? You know there's no water in Flint right???" Without feeling guilty that... yes? I like a dead shark more than living people? I don't like people? Also shark is cool? I feel guilty that if I call a day off work SOMEONE ELSE has to be inconvenienced to work my shift. I feel guilty playing World of Warcraft because I'm accused of "Chasing a time I view as better" instead of growing up and moving on. I feel guilty about wanting to ask for someone else's time because they too have shit to do. I feel guilty about so many things...

And I feel guilty when my mom says I'm just another abuser in her life. Her fuse is so short it takes almost nothing to set her off. You have to be calm and happy all the time or she has to "walk on eggshells because anything she does can set US off!"

When my mom is mad at me like that... I hate myself. I have some dark thoughts on a normal day but when she's mad at me in this specific way... I wish I could just unexist. Or go to sleep and just not wake up. I can always logic my way away from the dark thoughts... but they're there nonetheless. And when I'm one of the things that makes my mom want to run away? Then I just wish I was dead really. Or just unalive. Not since I was 14 at least. I don't want to die. Just cease to be. I don't know if that counts as being suicidal but I'll tag for it anyway.

I don't normally talk about this shit with people. I don't wanna look like I'm crying out for attention or help or pity. I don't talk to my folks about it because there's never a good time. When I try to hint it's not taken seriously, and when things aren't bad I don't feel as bad. Keeping quite hasn't made me feel better so maybe just typing this out and being heard will make me feel even slightly better? Like a diary entry.

There's more to the morbs in my life but for now I leave it as this. It's 7am, I am in bed and have dried silicone in my hair and under my nailes, and I have work today. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow over like it never happenned like the bipolar way things go in my family sometimes. Maybe I'll get out of work and my folks will be happily dancing in the livingroom to sugar pie honeybunch like teenagers in love and I will be the only one stressed about it.

Don't take this post at face value. This is only my side. The human brain is flawed and the human ego will remake memories to protect itself. I normally turn to siblings who where there at the time to tell me if what I think happenned really happenned that way.... but I've also been informed that my siblings don't want to deal with me, and don't have the balls to call me out on my bullshit so will tell me whatever I want to hear, so really... I don't even trust that my recount of events even happenned that way.

Maybe I'll continue the story in another post?

And now

I go to bed. Goodnight. I am a tired bitch. I probably only just need 5 minutes to fall asleep.

P.s. I'm sorry if you read all that. It's a bummer. I know. I'll hide it under a read more when I'm on pc.

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[warhammers]

posting separate so it can be in the tag

Ive been following this project since January of 2013, listening to the song in the teaser on repeat for the first year or two. Cyberpunk is my favorite kind of sci-fi and first person is my favorite pov for any game. The aesthetic revealed is my ideal portrayal of cyberpunk style so obviously this game is perfect in many ways for me. I have many reasons I would enjoy playing this game already.

From the very beginning however, I knew that just because CD Projekt Red knows how good game design works doesn’t mean they’ll be able to navigate cyberpunk in a way that is actually true to the genre. Especially since in the recent decade, cyberpunk has become more of an aesthetic than a platform to express discontent and rebellion against oppressive corporations and social structures alike.

From what I’m reading and seeing thus far, projekt red has achieved the atmosphere and aesthetic that they like (and I appreciate too) but when it came to the oppressive structures, they took the quick and easy way out with what looks like a “It’s a man eat man world out there so you gotta fight for yourself” which really isn’t revolutionary in any way. It’s just an inhospitable city, yea it might have been made that way due to poverty, inequality & such but the focus isnt on rebellion, but just fighting to get by. It has the cyberpunk look but the spirit is kind of missing in that regard.

Sure, when we started out there were hopes that we’d finally get a sci-fi game with a character creator that doesn’t limit your appearance one way or another based on gender, but actually let’s you choose whatever features you want regardless of that just like a cyberpunk world where you can augment your body to be however you want it to be could make possible. But unfortunately they confirmed that this would not be a feature and I knew what kind of game we would be dealing with from then. After the 50 minute gameplay last August, seeing Jackie being a bit of a Mexican caricature further confirmed what I suspected. The newly unveiled “trans-inclusive” advertisement in-game is not surprising to me and I know the creators and many fans will find plenty of reasons to justify it in the game’s universe, but the fact of the matter is that people have pointed out the ways it’s offensive along with other things revealed to be in the game (racism ahoooy).

I do not expect a game made by a Polish company full of white people to commit to the reality of cyberpunk and I don’t forgive them for any of the misrepresentation they present through the game. There is however a lot of value in a game like this to me and Im guessing so many others, visually and mechanically and I’m for sure buying this title used so I can get whatever enjoyment I can from it without needing to line the companies pockets.

I post this to offer the perspective of someone who is invested in the genre and has been tracking the game since 2013. Also to explain why a lot of us will be playing it despite it’s blatant shortcomings.

[khalilhumam]

Trinidadian comedian uses humour to say gender-based violence isn't funny

New Post has been published on http://khalilhumam.com/trinidadian-comedian-uses-humour-to-say-gender-based-violence-isnt-funny/

Trinidadian comedian uses humour to say gender-based violence isn't funny

‘It is important to [see] women as equals, worthy of respect’

Rhea-Simone Auguste, better known as the comedian Simmy De Trini. Photograph courtesy Auguste, used with permission. Photo credit: Mark Lyndersay for www.causeaneffect.co

Trinidad and Tobago, which has been grappling with increasing cases of gender-based violence and femicide, is still reeling over the murder of teenager Ashanti Riley, who was stabbed to death after being abducted by the driver of a private hire (PH) taxi on November 29. Since then, online discussion has been rife over the tendency to victim-blame and put the onus on women to protect themselves, as opposed to focusing on changing the culture and socialisation of men. One comedian decided to start pushing for that shift to happen in a rather unconventional way. On Facebook, Rhea-Simone Auguste, better known as Simmy De Trini, has published a series of scenarios, presented in local parlance, that play as reverse sexual harassment. The impact of this unexpected role reversal has emphasised the absurdity of what women are made to endure in the hyper-masculine Caribbean culture. Via WhatsApp, Simmy chatted with Global Voices about the gravity of gender-based violence and why she believes that humour is a good way to jump-start productive public discussion on the issue. Janine Mendes-Franco (JMF): Was this series inspired by the most recent spate of femicides or is this a theme you have been mulling over for a while now?

Simmy De Trini (SDT): As a survivor of both domestic violence and rape, I have been vocal over the last few years about the injustice women face and the inability of our current system to protect women from harm or worse, murder. The “reverse harassment” posts were not planned. I just got fed up of saying the same things so I switched it up and just started doing sarcastic posts about the situation.

JMF: Each of your instalments has attracted hundreds of likes, comments and shares. What kind of discussion did you want to get going?

SDT: When I realised the first post started gaining traction, the others were done with the hope of sparking discussions about the harassment women experience and the kind of attitudes we encounter that we need men to revisit and review in themselves and their friends.

JMF: Some people seem to be missing the point though.

SDT: The people who did not get it were in the minority and did not have an impact on me continuing. I felt like more people understood where I was coming from so I did not hesitate to keep sharing the posts.

JMF: How disturbing is it to you that most women can identify with some measure of what you speak about in these scenarios?

SDT: Very disturbing but not surprising. In conversations with friends, I have heard so many women talk about these situations with men that I already knew many others would have similar experiences and stories.

JMF: Tell us about your journey to becoming a comedian. Your brand of humour always seems to address serious issues by presenting truths in non-threatening ways. Why is this important to you, and as a woman in what remains a macho society, do you feel a responsibility to provoke thought to a greater degree than a male comedian might?

SDT: I started doing stand-up in 2017, as a creative outlet to help me cope and explore topics that had affected or impacted my life. I have some superficial stuff mixed in but try to explore aspects of mental health and domestic violence prevention and abuse when I can. I don't think much about it in terms of a responsibility but hope my messages sink in for those who can relate.

JMF: How do you tap into this ability to place yourself in the midst of an issue, yet find a way to witness the injustice through laughter?

SDT: I really don't overthink things. If something is going on that I want to talk about, I just do it spur of the moment and from my perspective.

JMF: Is there a difference between Simmy the Trini and Rhea-Simone? How do you draw the line?

SDT: Huge difference. Simmy is a stage name and a different personality. Simmy is loud and funny and all about the public life. Rhea-Simone [is] who I am as a person. I am a loner and like to be in quiet spaces where I can hear my own thoughts. People are usually surprised when they meet me and realise that Simmy can be “turned off,” and that I am mostly serious and able to speak on a range of topics that are not necessarily funny, but hold importance. That's why aside from comedy, I have been trying to do more public speaking and motivational speaking engagements because I enjoy talking to people in different settings.

JMF: You’re the mother of two boys. How is your work teaching them to change what seems to be a pervasive objectification of women in Trinidad and Tobago?

SDT: My sons are being raised to respect and value women. The women around me and by extension them are usually strong, vocal and from different walks of life. It is important to me that they grow up seeing women as equals and worthy of respect.

JMF: What do you want this series to accomplish?

SDT: More dialogue about what we have come to accept as the norm — but in reality is a degradation and devaluing of women — leading to these instances of violence, abuse, harassment or murder.

JMF: How do you think we can begin to solve the problem of gender-based violence?

SDT: Just as there is a sexual offenders registry, we need to have a domestic violence registry for repeat offenders. If you check the background of some of the men who end up murdering a woman in a domestic violence scenario, they sometimes have a clear history and pattern and it was escalating. Counselling for both victims and abusers is necessary to help people with anger management and conflict resolution techniques and strategies. Education is important too. I would love to see a full campaign in the public space that shows a no tolerance aspect for abuse and violence against women.

JMF: What role has social media played when it comes to sharing and promoting your work?

SDT: Facebook, in particular, has been important as it has allowed me to grow a following for my work and opened doors for me to get more work not just as a comedian but as a self-employed journalist and content creator.

JMF: Who have been your greatest influences?

SDT: My mom. My sons. Professionally, as a writer, I was trained by and worked with [journalists] Keith Smith, Deborah John and Angela Martin. In terms of comedy, Wanda Sykes — and I hope to work with her one day.

JMF: Imagine you’re doing a show and your audience is only men. What would you say to them, all jokes aside?

SDT: Women are important to the very fabric of our society. You stand to benefit when you see our value, our contributions and our worth.

< p class='gv-rss-footer'>Written by Janine Mendes-Franco

[radgeorgie]

~~~tag game~~~

shoutout to @pastel-sk1es​ for thinking my blog was cool, and also tagging me in this

im tagging @samiramueller bc i wanna get to know you better!

1. What Time Is It Where You Are?

3:48 (Michigan, USA)

2. Current Energy Levels?

85%, i slept for 12+ hours last night surprisingly

3. Song That You’re Obsessed With At The Moment?

any song twice has come out with

4. Other Kpop Groups You Stan That Aren’t BTS?

tooooo many (that you can find here lmao) but I stan these religiously:

TWICE

Red Velvet

Monsta X

SEVENTEEN

ASTRO

5. Bands Outside of Kpop That You Stan?

Little Mix mainly, but I do like a few american pop songs

6. Cats or Dogs?

cats! but i did volunteer at a dog shelter not to long ago...

7. Favourite Sound?

stereotypical white girl but rain? the sound of my own snoring? lmao

8. Something That Made You Laugh In The Last Couple of Days?

thinking about how im gonna get through college? im so royally screwed?

9. Favourite Thing About Your Bias?

how he never stops trying. He keeps trying to be a better person for himself and his members and his fans.

10. Apps / Sites that you use often?

tumblr (obliviously), twitter (kimsjoonie), snapchat (cronuss-ampora)

11. Where Are You From?

born & raised in the usa

12. Are You More of An Introvert or Extrovert?

introvert

13. Since When Have You Been Into Kpop And How Did You Discover It?

2012, but I didn’t really get into it until august 2014. I was scrolling through tumblr for playlists & found snsd’s the boys (eng ver). I really fell in love with it wanted to research more, but I was young & didn’t really like listening to music that didn’t ing to music that wasn’t in english (lmao) so I kind of forgot about it? It wasn’t until Jessica left SNSD that I really wanted to get into KPop, bc I was falling out of the anime fandom lmao. I decided to nosedive into KPop and here we are now!

14. Who Was The First Kpop Group You Got Into?

Girls Generation! (with SHINee following very close after)

15. Do You Have Any Pets? If Yes, Which One(s)?

one, a dog named bo (also known as bobo, bobo pet & bobo baggins)

16. Tea or Coffee?

neither, I hate both lmao

17. Day or Night?

~~~night~~~

18. What Kind of Movies Do You Prefer Watching?

horror mostly, i don’t watch movies that music

19. What Is Your Biggest Wish For The Future?

another stereotypical white girl answer, but to be happy. im sick of wanting to die all the time

20. What’s Your Way of Being Creative

photography & music

21. What’s Your Dream Job?

idk at this point in the game. im going to college of photography so i guess that? thats what i wanted to be when i was younger too

22. Which Country / Countries Do You Desperately Want To Visit?

any, I wanna visit every country at least once

23. How many languages do you speak?

one bitch I live in the whitest country ever

24. What was your favorite subject in school/college/university?

history, although only a little, i hate that place with a burning passion

25. Do you play, or have you played, any musical instruments?

i used to play trumpet back in 7th grade, but my band teacher bullied me out of it so I dont play it anymore

26. Do you believe in horoscopes/zodiacs?

yes bitch tf

27. Is there anything you really want to learn or to do?

i really wanna learn another language, but im tired & lazy

28. How many times in your life have you moved house/city/country?

twice, once when I was 5 & again when I was 15

29. Would you rather have no children or a lot of children?

no children, fuck em

30. Are you religious/spiritual?

no

31. Do you drink alcohol?

im the lamest bitch ever, no

32. If you got to spend a whole week alone with your idol, what would you want to do? (apart from sex… ¬_¬)

I’d love to visit their hometown with them. meet their family, see where they grew up, meet their childhood friends & eat at the same places they love. I’d love to see them happy & healthy surrounded by friends and family.

34. If you could be the best in the world at ONE thing, what would it be?

something that would make me successful & happy

35. What Are Your Passions?

sleeping.......death........

36. What are your pet-peeves?

slow walkers, people with annoying laughs

37. Favourite Anime / Manga Movies?

i haven’t watched anime in 20 years, but ouran high school host club still has me feeling some type of way

38. Favourite Anime / Manga Tv Shows?

isnt this just a repeat of question 37?

39. What is your favourite season?

fall~~

40. If you could have whichever nationality you wanted what would it be and why?

i mean...being american kind of sucks, but i dont think id change it.

41. Would you rather visit outer space or the deep sea and why?

outer space, id love to visit the stars & see planets from an outside view

42. Greatest fear?

another white girl answer, but being lonely (lmao bitch tf @ me wtf)

43. What was the most memorable moment of your life?

starting high school. i cried for two days & wanted nothing but death.

44.  Something you can’t live without?

sleep & my phone

45. If you were granted one wish, what would it be and why?

to matter to someone on a personal level

46. What would you say to your idol if you met them?

tell them that I love them & hope they remain healthy & happy for the years to come

47. Somebody you care about a lot?

my friend & namjoon lmao

48. Life lesson you learned?

it fucking sucks & the best deal to deal with it is tough it out

49. What would you say to your ten year old self?

remain happy as much as you can & fuck what everything has to say

50. What are you most thankful for?

nothing really????? im sorry?????

51. Have you ever been to a K-Pop concert?

ive been to a dumbfoundead concert, but I don’t know if you’d consider him k-pop...

52. What are your goals for next year?

in ill be in college, to make friends

53. Who are your role models and why?

prolly namjoon lmao. just his life struggles, how he went with what he wanted in life not with what he was the best at, his goals & his accomplishments I could go on but honestly nobody cares lmao

54. What motivates you to keep striving towards your goals?

the idea that ill have a good life once i achieve them

55. If you could be anyone for a day who would it be and why?

like a 95 year old that lives in a retiring home so I can sleep 4ever lmao

56.  Who is your bias list wrecker?

i have too many, but in BTS its def suga

57. If you could listen to only one album for the rest of your life what would it be? Why?

quite surprisingly, but FOB’s album Save Rock & Roll, I love every song on that album & the impact it has.......holy shit dude

58. What’s your favorite food from your home country? (because I honestly love food so much)

holy shit.... honestly...america has stolen like half of its menu from other countries, but im in love with chicken pitas, and i think thats an american thing? I could be wrong tho.

ADDED QUESTION:

59: do you watch tv often? what tv shows are you obsessed with recently?

[dy1kjxxa-blog]

How much will health insurance cost me?

How much will health insurance cost me?

I am going to be transitioning into owning my own business, which means I won t be having health insurance through an employer anymore. I d like to get an idea of how much it will cost me to pay for health insurance on my own. I m female, 25 years old, no medical problems to speak of. Can anyone out there give me a ballpark figure? Thanks!

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :4insurequotes.xyz

SOURCES:

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[pitz182]

Is AA Too Religious for Generation Z?

Are today’s mutual-aid recovery groups ready to satisfy Generation-next?“More than any other generation before them, Gen Z does not assert a religious identity. They might be drawn to things spiritual, but with a vastly different starting point from previous generations, many of whom received a basic education on the Bible and Christianity. And it shows: The percentage of Gen Z that identifies as atheist is double that of the U.S. adult population.”Released early this year, Barna Group’s Generation-Z Report (Americans born between 1999 and 2015) surveyed over 2,000 13 to 18-year-olds. The oldest of this generation turn 20 in 2019.According to AA’s most recent triennial membership survey, 1% of AA is under 21—that’s about 20,000 sober teenagers in AA rooms right now. What’s my personal affinity with this demographic? It’s two-fold: I have two millennial children and one 18-year-old stepson; secondly, while I am a grey-haired Baby Boomer, I was a teen at my first 12-step meeting. My 20th birthday was 1980, three months shy of my fourth anniversary clean and sober.I was a second-generation AA member and—like Barna’s youth focus group—my worldview seemed incompatible with the old fogies of 12-step rooms. My mother mused about finding god’s will for her from meditation or her daily horoscope. She was such a Virgo, you know. Horoscopes, higher powers, legends of Sasquatch, these were all fictional symbols as far as I was concerned. Reasonable people didn’t take such constructs literally, did they?Bob K, like me, is a second-generation AA. He’s currently between historical book projects; Key Players in AA History will soon have a prequel. Bob’s follow-up research will produce a book about pre-AA addiction and treatment. At age 40, Bob made it into AA as a result of his dad 12-stepping him. He also was uncomfortable with the emphasis on "God." “When I was a month sober, it was ‘God-this, God saved me’ and I was going to put my resignation in. I didn’t think I could stand it in AA any longer. I went to the internet of the day—which back then was the library—and I looked for non-religious alternatives to AA. They had them in California but nothing in Ontario Canada. So it was AA or nothing. If I tried to brave it alone, I’d be drunk; I knew it.”Today, Bob enjoys the likeminded company at his Secular AA home group, Whitby Freethinkers, which meets in the local suburban library just East of Toronto. If I were confronting addiction/recovery as a teen today, I wonder if I would go to AA or NA? If AA was once “the last house on the block,” today it’s one house in a subdivision of mutual-aid choices. Today, newcomers have access to Refuge Recovery, SMART Recovery, Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS), or Medically Assisted Treatment, none of which existed in the 1970s.On Practically Sane, therapist Jeffrey Munn states: “I like to take a practical approach … I’m not a fan of the ‘fluff’ and flowery language that is often associated with the world of psychology and self-help.” Jeffrey came into the rooms at 20, stayed sober for 2 ½ years, relapsed, came back and is now 13 years clean and sober.“I was mandated to three 12-step meetings per week to stay in the program I was in. Since I was young I have been agnostic. I wanted to find a higher power that was common sense-based, but in the rooms I felt pulled towards a more dogmatic spiritual idea of higher power. Back then, I needed to come up with my own conception of what was happening on a psychological level." Recently, Jeffrey wrote and published Staying Sober Without God: the Practical 12 Steps to Long Term Recovery from Alcoholism and Addiction.“I looked at SMART Recovery,” Jeffrey tells The Fix. “I looked at Moderation Management, too—that one struck me as being an organized resentment against AA—I wasn’t feeling it. When it comes down to social support and a practical plan of action, it’s hard to beat 12-step programs. What I try to teach is: if you don’t buy into any kind of a supernatural higher power, navigate the 12-step world, filtering the god-stuff out, working the program in your own way; there is lots that really works.”Barna reports, “Nearly half of teens, on par with Millennials, say, ‘I need factual evidence to support my beliefs.’” Jeffrey hopes Staying Sober Without God—which joins a growing secular 12-step recovery offering—offers the rational narrative today’s youth crave. Barna calls today’s youth “the first truly post-Christian generation [in America].”Certified Master Addiction Counselor David B. Bohl of Milwaukee understands the value of other-oriented care. David tells The Fix: “As head of a 20-bed coed dual-diagnosis treatment center, emerging adults, 18 to 25 years old, came into our care. I wouldn’t say that they universally shrugged off the 12-step approach but almost universally, in reaction to our volunteers, alumni, and traditional AA community, younger clients didn’t want what the volunteers and alumni had. And I wouldn’t say it was the religiosity always. Sometimes it was an age-thing or life approach. So, our recovery management function became that much more important in terms of building individualized treatment that suits everyone.“In the USA, 75% of all residential treatment centers identify as 12-step facilitators,” David tells us. “In the simplest form, our job is to introduce people to the language and the concept of the 12 steps and then to introduce the clients to support groups or people in support groups when they are discharged from acute care.Where trauma is involved—religious trauma in particular—traditional AA language and rituals trigger that shame they feel from negative formal religion experiences.”Let’s put this overbearing religion caution to a real-life test: Suwaida F was the second oldest of 11 children to Somalian refugee parents who fled to Canada in the 1980s.“In Kindergarten I didn’t have to wear a hijab; my parents weren’t super religious. I went to an Islamic school in grade one. It was normal for teachers to have belts with them, they would hit you; child abuse was normalized. They didn’t really teach us that much math, science, history. The Islamic teachers weren’t that educated. My parents took me out and put me in public school. Then, some of my mom’s Somalian-Canadian friends started moving their kids to Egypt. My friends would stay in Egypt two years, finish the Qur’an and the girls came back wearing burqas and head-scarves. Some Muslim friends would come to school in their hijab, take them off and put them back on when they went home. We called them The Transformers.My parents really wanted us to learn the Qur’an; I don’t speak Arabic, so it was difficult. And I never believed it. I asked my mom and dad, ‘How do you know that this stuff is real?’ They got frustrated and mad and said, ‘Don’t ever ask that question again.’ I knew it wasn’t real. Mom got more and more religious. Pictures of her at age 19 -- she wore no head-scarf when she was my age. My mom expected me to be religious and I rebelled. I had to leave home.”Suwaida misses her sisters. She feels unwelcome in the family home unless she is dressed in the Islamic custom and that wouldn’t be true to herself. Away from home, Suwaida found the welcoming community she craved in the booze and cocaine culture.“It wasn’t a matter of having no money; I had no sense of hope. People at work didn’t know I was hopped from shelter to shelter at night. One winter I was told, ‘Suwaida, you’ve been restricted from every youth shelter in the city of Toronto.’” As addiction progressed, Suwaida recalls an ever-descending patterns of compromises, bad relationships and regrets.“Today, it’s like I still never unpack my suitcase; I’m always ready to go.” During a stay at St. Joe’s detox, Suwaida went to her first NA meeting.“At 7 PM, a woman spoke. I made it clear that I thought it was stupid; I wouldn’t share. At the end, everyone was holding hands to pray and I said, ‘I’m not holding any of your hands.’ I didn’t go back. When I was discharged, I went drinking at the bar with my suitcase, not knowing where I was going to stay that night.My second meeting I consider my first, because I chose it. I thought I should go to AA. I googled atheist or freethinker AA to avoid a repeat of my NA experience. I found Beyond Belief Agnostics and Freethinkers Group on the University of Toronto campus. I went there last February. For a while, I had wine in my travel-mug, and I didn’t say anything. In August I felt like the woman beside me knew I was drinking, and I ask myself, ‘What am I doing?’ So, my next meeting, I went sober. I’ve been clean and sober ever since.”Despite the child-violence of Islamic school and rejection from her family, Suwaida isn’t anti-theist. “I do believe in God or in something. I feel like I’m always looking for signs. I don’t believe in a god in the sky but to say there’s nothing beyond all this doesn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes the freakiest things happen. Maybe it’s because I’m a storyteller, I try to make a story out of everything; you think of someone, then they phone you, is that random?I feel a part-of in secular or mainstream AA meetings. My self-talk still sounds like, ‘Don’t share Suwaida, you have nothing to add.’ Maybe it comes from not being able to express myself when I was growing up. I have no sense of self. I guess I have something special to offer but I don’t know how to articulate it. It’s hard; I have limited self-confidence.”“Give them their voice; listen to them,” is Kevin Schaefer’s approach. He co-hosts the podcast Don’t Die Wisconsin. He’s also a recovery coach.“I’ve been in Recovery 29+ years. I’m a substance abuse counselor and I got into addiction treatment through sober living. When I started working in a Suboxone clinic, I came to realize that AA can’t solve everything. I always come from a harm reduction standpoint: meth, cocaine, benzos; I ask, ‘Can you just smoke pot?’ and we start building the trust there.Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT) is geared towards this generation. Most kids coming through my door know a lot about MAT, more so than people in AA with the biases and stigma that they bring. Kids sometimes know more than the front-line social workers. Their friends are on MAT, that’s how they gather their information (not to say their information is all correct). But a lot of therapists don’t understand medication. Medication can be a ticket to survival out on the streets.”The Fix asked Kevin his opinion on the best suited mutual-aid group for this generation.“Most of the generation you’re talking about walks in with anxiety and defiantly won’t do groups.” We talked about the role of online video/voice or text meetings for a tech-native generation. “Yes—where appropriate. Women especially, because from what I’ve seen, most females have suffered from trauma. I have heard women who prefer online recovery; that make sense to me. I’ve been to InTheRooms.com; as professionals we have a duty to know what’s out there. And there are some crazies online.If someone has an Eastern philosophy bent, I’ll send them to Refuge Recovery; I’ve been there. If I can, I’ll set them up with somebody that I know can help them. And let’s not forget that some youth, if Christianity is your thing, Celebrate Recovery is amazing — talk about a community that wraps themselves around the substance user. There are movie nights, food, all kinds of extracurricular activities. The SMART Recovery Movement? Excellent. SMART momentum is building in Milwaukee. They are goal-oriented and the person gets supported whether they’re on Suboxone or, in one case I know, micro-dosing with LSD for depression; they’ll be supported either way. My goal with youth is: ‘Try to get to one meeting this month; start slow.’ Don’t set the bar too high and if they enjoy it, then great.The 12-step meeting I go to, it’s a men’s meeting. There are people there on medication and they don’t get blow-back. I wish more of AA was like this. When I came in, almost 30 years ago now, I saw all the God-stuff on the walls and I thought, ‘Nah, this isn’t going to work’ but thank G… (laughs), thank the Group of Drunks who said, ‘You don’t have to believe in that.’ The range in my meeting is broad—Eastern philosophy, Native American practices, Yoga, I was invited to Transcendental Meditation meetings at members’ houses. I was fortunate to fall into this group. You know, the first book my sponsor gave me was The Tao of Physics—not The Big Book—it was this 70’s book with Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, correlated to physics and contemporary science.”So, as to the question that kicked this off, some mutual aid meetings are ready to meet the taste of a new generation; results may vary. Who’s heard: “If you haven’t met anyone you don’t like in AA, you haven’t gone to enough meetings”?The reverse is true, also. If the peer-to-peer meetings I’ve sampled seem too narrow or dogmatic, maybe my search for just the right fit isn’t over. And if I don’t want a face-to-face meeting, there’s always Kevin’s podcast, virtual communities like The Fix, or I can order one of Bob or David or Jeffrey’s books if that’s more to my taste.

[alexdmorgan30]

Is AA Too Religious for Generation Z?

Are today’s mutual-aid recovery groups ready to satisfy Generation-next?“More than any other generation before them, Gen Z does not assert a religious identity. They might be drawn to things spiritual, but with a vastly different starting point from previous generations, many of whom received a basic education on the Bible and Christianity. And it shows: The percentage of Gen Z that identifies as atheist is double that of the U.S. adult population.”Released early this year, Barna Group’s Generation-Z Report (Americans born between 1999 and 2015) surveyed over 2,000 13 to 18-year-olds. The oldest of this generation turn 20 in 2019.According to AA’s most recent triennial membership survey, 1% of AA is under 21—that’s about 20,000 sober teenagers in AA rooms right now. What’s my personal affinity with this demographic? It’s two-fold: I have two millennial children and one 18-year-old stepson; secondly, while I am a grey-haired Baby Boomer, I was a teen at my first 12-step meeting. My 20th birthday was 1980, three months shy of my fourth anniversary clean and sober.I was a second-generation AA member and—like Barna’s youth focus group—my worldview seemed incompatible with the old fogies of 12-step rooms. My mother mused about finding god’s will for her from meditation or her daily horoscope. She was such a Virgo, you know. Horoscopes, higher powers, legends of Sasquatch, these were all fictional symbols as far as I was concerned. Reasonable people didn’t take such constructs literally, did they?Bob K, like me, is a second-generation AA. He’s currently between historical book projects; Key Players in AA History will soon have a prequel. Bob’s follow-up research will produce a book about pre-AA addiction and treatment. At age 40, Bob made it into AA as a result of his dad 12-stepping him. He also was uncomfortable with the emphasis on "God." “When I was a month sober, it was ‘God-this, God saved me’ and I was going to put my resignation in. I didn’t think I could stand it in AA any longer. I went to the internet of the day—which back then was the library—and I looked for non-religious alternatives to AA. They had them in California but nothing in Ontario Canada. So it was AA or nothing. If I tried to brave it alone, I’d be drunk; I knew it.”Today, Bob enjoys the likeminded company at his Secular AA home group, Whitby Freethinkers, which meets in the local suburban library just East of Toronto. If I were confronting addiction/recovery as a teen today, I wonder if I would go to AA or NA? If AA was once “the last house on the block,” today it’s one house in a subdivision of mutual-aid choices. Today, newcomers have access to Refuge Recovery, SMART Recovery, Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS), or Medically Assisted Treatment, none of which existed in the 1970s.On Practically Sane, therapist Jeffrey Munn states: “I like to take a practical approach … I’m not a fan of the ‘fluff’ and flowery language that is often associated with the world of psychology and self-help.” Jeffrey came into the rooms at 20, stayed sober for 2 ½ years, relapsed, came back and is now 13 years clean and sober.“I was mandated to three 12-step meetings per week to stay in the program I was in. Since I was young I have been agnostic. I wanted to find a higher power that was common sense-based, but in the rooms I felt pulled towards a more dogmatic spiritual idea of higher power. Back then, I needed to come up with my own conception of what was happening on a psychological level." Recently, Jeffrey wrote and published Staying Sober Without God: the Practical 12 Steps to Long Term Recovery from Alcoholism and Addiction.“I looked at SMART Recovery,” Jeffrey tells The Fix. “I looked at Moderation Management, too—that one struck me as being an organized resentment against AA—I wasn’t feeling it. When it comes down to social support and a practical plan of action, it’s hard to beat 12-step programs. What I try to teach is: if you don’t buy into any kind of a supernatural higher power, navigate the 12-step world, filtering the god-stuff out, working the program in your own way; there is lots that really works.”Barna reports, “Nearly half of teens, on par with Millennials, say, ‘I need factual evidence to support my beliefs.’” Jeffrey hopes Staying Sober Without God—which joins a growing secular 12-step recovery offering—offers the rational narrative today’s youth crave. Barna calls today’s youth “the first truly post-Christian generation [in America].”Certified Master Addiction Counselor David B. Bohl of Milwaukee understands the value of other-oriented care. David tells The Fix: “As head of a 20-bed coed dual-diagnosis treatment center, emerging adults, 18 to 25 years old, came into our care. I wouldn’t say that they universally shrugged off the 12-step approach but almost universally, in reaction to our volunteers, alumni, and traditional AA community, younger clients didn’t want what the volunteers and alumni had. And I wouldn’t say it was the religiosity always. Sometimes it was an age-thing or life approach. So, our recovery management function became that much more important in terms of building individualized treatment that suits everyone.“In the USA, 75% of all residential treatment centers identify as 12-step facilitators,” David tells us. “In the simplest form, our job is to introduce people to the language and the concept of the 12 steps and then to introduce the clients to support groups or people in support groups when they are discharged from acute care.Where trauma is involved—religious trauma in particular—traditional AA language and rituals trigger that shame they feel from negative formal religion experiences.”Let’s put this overbearing religion caution to a real-life test: Suwaida F was the second oldest of 11 children to Somalian refugee parents who fled to Canada in the 1980s.“In Kindergarten I didn’t have to wear a hijab; my parents weren’t super religious. I went to an Islamic school in grade one. It was normal for teachers to have belts with them, they would hit you; child abuse was normalized. They didn’t really teach us that much math, science, history. The Islamic teachers weren’t that educated. My parents took me out and put me in public school. Then, some of my mom’s Somalian-Canadian friends started moving their kids to Egypt. My friends would stay in Egypt two years, finish the Qur’an and the girls came back wearing burqas and head-scarves. Some Muslim friends would come to school in their hijab, take them off and put them back on when they went home. We called them The Transformers.My parents really wanted us to learn the Qur’an; I don’t speak Arabic, so it was difficult. And I never believed it. I asked my mom and dad, ‘How do you know that this stuff is real?’ They got frustrated and mad and said, ‘Don’t ever ask that question again.’ I knew it wasn’t real. Mom got more and more religious. Pictures of her at age 19 -- she wore no head-scarf when she was my age. My mom expected me to be religious and I rebelled. I had to leave home.”Suwaida misses her sisters. She feels unwelcome in the family home unless she is dressed in the Islamic custom and that wouldn’t be true to herself. Away from home, Suwaida found the welcoming community she craved in the booze and cocaine culture.“It wasn’t a matter of having no money; I had no sense of hope. People at work didn’t know I was hopped from shelter to shelter at night. One winter I was told, ‘Suwaida, you’ve been restricted from every youth shelter in the city of Toronto.’” As addiction progressed, Suwaida recalls an ever-descending patterns of compromises, bad relationships and regrets.“Today, it’s like I still never unpack my suitcase; I’m always ready to go.” During a stay at St. Joe’s detox, Suwaida went to her first NA meeting.“At 7 PM, a woman spoke. I made it clear that I thought it was stupid; I wouldn’t share. At the end, everyone was holding hands to pray and I said, ‘I’m not holding any of your hands.’ I didn’t go back. When I was discharged, I went drinking at the bar with my suitcase, not knowing where I was going to stay that night.My second meeting I consider my first, because I chose it. I thought I should go to AA. I googled atheist or freethinker AA to avoid a repeat of my NA experience. I found Beyond Belief Agnostics and Freethinkers Group on the University of Toronto campus. I went there last February. For a while, I had wine in my travel-mug, and I didn’t say anything. In August I felt like the woman beside me knew I was drinking, and I ask myself, ‘What am I doing?’ So, my next meeting, I went sober. I’ve been clean and sober ever since.”Despite the child-violence of Islamic school and rejection from her family, Suwaida isn’t anti-theist. “I do believe in God or in something. I feel like I’m always looking for signs. I don’t believe in a god in the sky but to say there’s nothing beyond all this doesn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes the freakiest things happen. Maybe it’s because I’m a storyteller, I try to make a story out of everything; you think of someone, then they phone you, is that random?I feel a part-of in secular or mainstream AA meetings. My self-talk still sounds like, ‘Don’t share Suwaida, you have nothing to add.’ Maybe it comes from not being able to express myself when I was growing up. I have no sense of self. I guess I have something special to offer but I don’t know how to articulate it. It’s hard; I have limited self-confidence.”“Give them their voice; listen to them,” is Kevin Schaefer’s approach. He co-hosts the podcast Don’t Die Wisconsin. He’s also a recovery coach.“I’ve been in Recovery 29+ years. I’m a substance abuse counselor and I got into addiction treatment through sober living. When I started working in a Suboxone clinic, I came to realize that AA can’t solve everything. I always come from a harm reduction standpoint: meth, cocaine, benzos; I ask, ‘Can you just smoke pot?’ and we start building the trust there.Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT) is geared towards this generation. Most kids coming through my door know a lot about MAT, more so than people in AA with the biases and stigma that they bring. Kids sometimes know more than the front-line social workers. Their friends are on MAT, that’s how they gather their information (not to say their information is all correct). But a lot of therapists don’t understand medication. Medication can be a ticket to survival out on the streets.”The Fix asked Kevin his opinion on the best suited mutual-aid group for this generation.“Most of the generation you’re talking about walks in with anxiety and defiantly won’t do groups.” We talked about the role of online video/voice or text meetings for a tech-native generation. “Yes—where appropriate. Women especially, because from what I’ve seen, most females have suffered from trauma. I have heard women who prefer online recovery; that make sense to me. I’ve been to InTheRooms.com; as professionals we have a duty to know what’s out there. And there are some crazies online.If someone has an Eastern philosophy bent, I’ll send them to Refuge Recovery; I’ve been there. If I can, I’ll set them up with somebody that I know can help them. And let’s not forget that some youth, if Christianity is your thing, Celebrate Recovery is amazing — talk about a community that wraps themselves around the substance user. There are movie nights, food, all kinds of extracurricular activities. The SMART Recovery Movement? Excellent. SMART momentum is building in Milwaukee. They are goal-oriented and the person gets supported whether they’re on Suboxone or, in one case I know, micro-dosing with LSD for depression; they’ll be supported either way. My goal with youth is: ‘Try to get to one meeting this month; start slow.’ Don’t set the bar too high and if they enjoy it, then great.The 12-step meeting I go to, it’s a men’s meeting. There are people there on medication and they don’t get blow-back. I wish more of AA was like this. When I came in, almost 30 years ago now, I saw all the God-stuff on the walls and I thought, ‘Nah, this isn’t going to work’ but thank G… (laughs), thank the Group of Drunks who said, ‘You don’t have to believe in that.’ The range in my meeting is broad—Eastern philosophy, Native American practices, Yoga, I was invited to Transcendental Meditation meetings at members’ houses. I was fortunate to fall into this group. You know, the first book my sponsor gave me was The Tao of Physics—not The Big Book—it was this 70’s book with Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, correlated to physics and contemporary science.”So, as to the question that kicked this off, some mutual aid meetings are ready to meet the taste of a new generation; results may vary. Who’s heard: “If you haven’t met anyone you don’t like in AA, you haven’t gone to enough meetings”?The reverse is true, also. If the peer-to-peer meetings I’ve sampled seem too narrow or dogmatic, maybe my search for just the right fit isn’t over. And if I don’t want a face-to-face meeting, there’s always Kevin’s podcast, virtual communities like The Fix, or I can order one of Bob or David or Jeffrey’s books if that’s more to my taste.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 http://bit.ly/2B5JhVm

[emlydunstan]

Is AA Too Religious for Generation Z?

Are today’s mutual-aid recovery groups ready to satisfy Generation-next?“More than any other generation before them, Gen Z does not assert a religious identity. They might be drawn to things spiritual, but with a vastly different starting point from previous generations, many of whom received a basic education on the Bible and Christianity. And it shows: The percentage of Gen Z that identifies as atheist is double that of the U.S. adult population.”Released early this year, Barna Group’s Generation-Z Report (Americans born between 1999 and 2015) surveyed over 2,000 13 to 18-year-olds. The oldest of this generation turn 20 in 2019.According to AA’s most recent triennial membership survey, 1% of AA is under 21—that’s about 20,000 sober teenagers in AA rooms right now. What’s my personal affinity with this demographic? It’s two-fold: I have two millennial children and one 18-year-old stepson; secondly, while I am a grey-haired Baby Boomer, I was a teen at my first 12-step meeting. My 20th birthday was 1980, three months shy of my fourth anniversary clean and sober.I was a second-generation AA member and—like Barna’s youth focus group—my worldview seemed incompatible with the old fogies of 12-step rooms. My mother mused about finding god’s will for her from meditation or her daily horoscope. She was such a Virgo, you know. Horoscopes, higher powers, legends of Sasquatch, these were all fictional symbols as far as I was concerned. Reasonable people didn’t take such constructs literally, did they?Bob K, like me, is a second-generation AA. He’s currently between historical book projects; Key Players in AA History will soon have a prequel. Bob’s follow-up research will produce a book about pre-AA addiction and treatment. At age 40, Bob made it into AA as a result of his dad 12-stepping him. He also was uncomfortable with the emphasis on "God." “When I was a month sober, it was ‘God-this, God saved me’ and I was going to put my resignation in. I didn’t think I could stand it in AA any longer. I went to the internet of the day—which back then was the library—and I looked for non-religious alternatives to AA. They had them in California but nothing in Ontario Canada. So it was AA or nothing. If I tried to brave it alone, I’d be drunk; I knew it.”Today, Bob enjoys the likeminded company at his Secular AA home group, Whitby Freethinkers, which meets in the local suburban library just East of Toronto. If I were confronting addiction/recovery as a teen today, I wonder if I would go to AA or NA? If AA was once “the last house on the block,” today it’s one house in a subdivision of mutual-aid choices. Today, newcomers have access to Refuge Recovery, SMART Recovery, Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS), or Medically Assisted Treatment, none of which existed in the 1970s.On Practically Sane, therapist Jeffrey Munn states: “I like to take a practical approach … I’m not a fan of the ‘fluff’ and flowery language that is often associated with the world of psychology and self-help.” Jeffrey came into the rooms at 20, stayed sober for 2 ½ years, relapsed, came back and is now 13 years clean and sober.“I was mandated to three 12-step meetings per week to stay in the program I was in. Since I was young I have been agnostic. I wanted to find a higher power that was common sense-based, but in the rooms I felt pulled towards a more dogmatic spiritual idea of higher power. Back then, I needed to come up with my own conception of what was happening on a psychological level." Recently, Jeffrey wrote and published Staying Sober Without God: the Practical 12 Steps to Long Term Recovery from Alcoholism and Addiction.“I looked at SMART Recovery,” Jeffrey tells The Fix. “I looked at Moderation Management, too—that one struck me as being an organized resentment against AA—I wasn’t feeling it. When it comes down to social support and a practical plan of action, it’s hard to beat 12-step programs. What I try to teach is: if you don’t buy into any kind of a supernatural higher power, navigate the 12-step world, filtering the god-stuff out, working the program in your own way; there is lots that really works.”Barna reports, “Nearly half of teens, on par with Millennials, say, ‘I need factual evidence to support my beliefs.’” Jeffrey hopes Staying Sober Without God—which joins a growing secular 12-step recovery offering—offers the rational narrative today’s youth crave. Barna calls today’s youth “the first truly post-Christian generation [in America].”Certified Master Addiction Counselor David B. Bohl of Milwaukee understands the value of other-oriented care. David tells The Fix: “As head of a 20-bed coed dual-diagnosis treatment center, emerging adults, 18 to 25 years old, came into our care. I wouldn’t say that they universally shrugged off the 12-step approach but almost universally, in reaction to our volunteers, alumni, and traditional AA community, younger clients didn’t want what the volunteers and alumni had. And I wouldn’t say it was the religiosity always. Sometimes it was an age-thing or life approach. So, our recovery management function became that much more important in terms of building individualized treatment that suits everyone.“In the USA, 75% of all residential treatment centers identify as 12-step facilitators,” David tells us. “In the simplest form, our job is to introduce people to the language and the concept of the 12 steps and then to introduce the clients to support groups or people in support groups when they are discharged from acute care.Where trauma is involved—religious trauma in particular—traditional AA language and rituals trigger that shame they feel from negative formal religion experiences.”Let’s put this overbearing religion caution to a real-life test: Suwaida F was the second oldest of 11 children to Somalian refugee parents who fled to Canada in the 1980s.“In Kindergarten I didn’t have to wear a hijab; my parents weren’t super religious. I went to an Islamic school in grade one. It was normal for teachers to have belts with them, they would hit you; child abuse was normalized. They didn’t really teach us that much math, science, history. The Islamic teachers weren’t that educated. My parents took me out and put me in public school. Then, some of my mom’s Somalian-Canadian friends started moving their kids to Egypt. My friends would stay in Egypt two years, finish the Qur’an and the girls came back wearing burqas and head-scarves. Some Muslim friends would come to school in their hijab, take them off and put them back on when they went home. We called them The Transformers.My parents really wanted us to learn the Qur’an; I don’t speak Arabic, so it was difficult. And I never believed it. I asked my mom and dad, ‘How do you know that this stuff is real?’ They got frustrated and mad and said, ‘Don’t ever ask that question again.’ I knew it wasn’t real. Mom got more and more religious. Pictures of her at age 19 -- she wore no head-scarf when she was my age. My mom expected me to be religious and I rebelled. I had to leave home.”Suwaida misses her sisters. She feels unwelcome in the family home unless she is dressed in the Islamic custom and that wouldn’t be true to herself. Away from home, Suwaida found the welcoming community she craved in the booze and cocaine culture.“It wasn’t a matter of having no money; I had no sense of hope. People at work didn’t know I was hopped from shelter to shelter at night. One winter I was told, ‘Suwaida, you’ve been restricted from every youth shelter in the city of Toronto.’” As addiction progressed, Suwaida recalls an ever-descending patterns of compromises, bad relationships and regrets.“Today, it’s like I still never unpack my suitcase; I’m always ready to go.” During a stay at St. Joe’s detox, Suwaida went to her first NA meeting.“At 7 PM, a woman spoke. I made it clear that I thought it was stupid; I wouldn’t share. At the end, everyone was holding hands to pray and I said, ‘I’m not holding any of your hands.’ I didn’t go back. When I was discharged, I went drinking at the bar with my suitcase, not knowing where I was going to stay that night.My second meeting I consider my first, because I chose it. I thought I should go to AA. I googled atheist or freethinker AA to avoid a repeat of my NA experience. I found Beyond Belief Agnostics and Freethinkers Group on the University of Toronto campus. I went there last February. For a while, I had wine in my travel-mug, and I didn’t say anything. In August I felt like the woman beside me knew I was drinking, and I ask myself, ‘What am I doing?’ So, my next meeting, I went sober. I’ve been clean and sober ever since.”Despite the child-violence of Islamic school and rejection from her family, Suwaida isn’t anti-theist. “I do believe in God or in something. I feel like I’m always looking for signs. I don’t believe in a god in the sky but to say there’s nothing beyond all this doesn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes the freakiest things happen. Maybe it’s because I’m a storyteller, I try to make a story out of everything; you think of someone, then they phone you, is that random?I feel a part-of in secular or mainstream AA meetings. My self-talk still sounds like, ‘Don’t share Suwaida, you have nothing to add.’ Maybe it comes from not being able to express myself when I was growing up. I have no sense of self. I guess I have something special to offer but I don’t know how to articulate it. It’s hard; I have limited self-confidence.”“Give them their voice; listen to them,” is Kevin Schaefer’s approach. He co-hosts the podcast Don’t Die Wisconsin. He’s also a recovery coach.“I’ve been in Recovery 29+ years. I’m a substance abuse counselor and I got into addiction treatment through sober living. When I started working in a Suboxone clinic, I came to realize that AA can’t solve everything. I always come from a harm reduction standpoint: meth, cocaine, benzos; I ask, ‘Can you just smoke pot?’ and we start building the trust there.Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT) is geared towards this generation. Most kids coming through my door know a lot about MAT, more so than people in AA with the biases and stigma that they bring. Kids sometimes know more than the front-line social workers. Their friends are on MAT, that’s how they gather their information (not to say their information is all correct). But a lot of therapists don’t understand medication. Medication can be a ticket to survival out on the streets.”The Fix asked Kevin his opinion on the best suited mutual-aid group for this generation.“Most of the generation you’re talking about walks in with anxiety and defiantly won’t do groups.” We talked about the role of online video/voice or text meetings for a tech-native generation. “Yes—where appropriate. Women especially, because from what I’ve seen, most females have suffered from trauma. I have heard women who prefer online recovery; that make sense to me. I’ve been to InTheRooms.com; as professionals we have a duty to know what’s out there. And there are some crazies online.If someone has an Eastern philosophy bent, I’ll send them to Refuge Recovery; I’ve been there. If I can, I’ll set them up with somebody that I know can help them. And let’s not forget that some youth, if Christianity is your thing, Celebrate Recovery is amazing — talk about a community that wraps themselves around the substance user. There are movie nights, food, all kinds of extracurricular activities. The SMART Recovery Movement? Excellent. SMART momentum is building in Milwaukee. They are goal-oriented and the person gets supported whether they’re on Suboxone or, in one case I know, micro-dosing with LSD for depression; they’ll be supported either way. My goal with youth is: ‘Try to get to one meeting this month; start slow.’ Don’t set the bar too high and if they enjoy it, then great.The 12-step meeting I go to, it’s a men’s meeting. There are people there on medication and they don’t get blow-back. I wish more of AA was like this. When I came in, almost 30 years ago now, I saw all the God-stuff on the walls and I thought, ‘Nah, this isn’t going to work’ but thank G… (laughs), thank the Group of Drunks who said, ‘You don’t have to believe in that.’ The range in my meeting is broad—Eastern philosophy, Native American practices, Yoga, I was invited to Transcendental Meditation meetings at members’ houses. I was fortunate to fall into this group. You know, the first book my sponsor gave me was The Tao of Physics—not The Big Book—it was this 70’s book with Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, correlated to physics and contemporary science.”So, as to the question that kicked this off, some mutual aid meetings are ready to meet the taste of a new generation; results may vary. Who’s heard: “If you haven’t met anyone you don’t like in AA, you haven’t gone to enough meetings”?The reverse is true, also. If the peer-to-peer meetings I’ve sampled seem too narrow or dogmatic, maybe my search for just the right fit isn’t over. And if I don’t want a face-to-face meeting, there’s always Kevin’s podcast, virtual communities like The Fix, or I can order one of Bob or David or Jeffrey’s books if that’s more to my taste.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://www.thefix.com/aa-too-religious-generation-z

[mceproductions]

August 2018 Blurbs

8/1/18 There is a reason why this month is called the dog days. 31 days of the end of summer until the coushin before Labor Day. Today i knew one song that was going to play. The Green Day song Wake Me Up When September ends always plays in August ad nauseum. Forget Ends, Wake Me Up when it begins. 8/2/18 With 800 things in flux, i decided to at least put off getting out of the house until after christmas. That allowed me to start to focus up on things i need to do. First WITC and the degree. 8/3/18 Pooh, especially a grown up one was enjoyable. Only issue was Capaldi playing Rabbit, just wish they could have taken liberties with that. 8/4/18 Dad finally got ride of Davids stuff. Now at least were junk free. 8/5/18 Another opportunity has presented itself and i may take it. Basketball at US Bank Stadium in November. Inviting Andy and Carynn, hoping that doesnt fall through on me. 8/6/18 Another day and another anime discovery. Anonymous Noise, Man is that weird. 8/7/18 WITC Beckoned but that construction on 8 was nuts, nearly caused me to miss the meeting. Heidi did bring up that Im lousy at time management. Will attempt a fix. Also really need to upgrade phone and Ipad. 8/8/18 Always love when the date month and year match. Of course 10 years ago was a near perfect day. Today saw me picking stuff up and proving Heidi right at the subject on the table yesterday. Have to wash truck tomorrow before work, wish place by American Family Insurance still accepted cards though. Nino on Anonymous Noise really iritates me, why is she always wearing that mask! 8/9/18 Got Truck washed, stinks that old car wash is now no longer working. Trump and SPACE FORCE distractions yes, fun to think of though, oh yes. 5 days on before i can go see Shark Movie. 8/10/18 Days i regret are ones that my dopey younger brothers dork around i have to hear every single detail. 8/11/18 Scott Walker surprised the fair atendees, he pied our mayor. Really wanted to meet him, but not a fan of the fair and really not a fan of hot days. 8/12/18 My tendancies when it comes to the store latley are starting to take notice. I linger past 11 cause i get there late, and i always end up getting back 5-7 minutes after i clock out for lunch if i leave the store. Somehow management not noticing is a miracle in and of itself. But i have to fix. that. Coldplay concert was a year ago, have yet to do a thing with mom this year other than the wedding. Hopeful seeing Andy in October could remedy that. 8/13/18 The things i do to help number greatly, and yet they think i do too much. Somehow when you live with two bums of younger bros, the slack has to be picked up somehow. 8/14/18 Well all registered for year 11 at WITC, another Customer Service class. Afterwards saw Statham and the human Ruby Rose fight off that megaldon. I do agree that is the second best shark movie ever made. Dwight though complete tool. 8/15/18 From what the next few weeks figure, wednesdays are going to be a freebie day, unless my class from noon-1:30 counts. Infinity War became my first 4K movie, will hold of on getting stuff for it until next year though. 8/16/18 Another day and at least here i can go to the library for solitude. Patton i finaly watched, why is this a big deal. Preseason football, while pointless can be exciting, case in point Packers 51 points. 8/17/18 First of 5 at the store, wondering where Mark is, got book for my class, hoping that since its previous edition i wont have the same situation i ended up with for previous semester. 8/18/18 The endless eight according to Haruhi Suzumiya. starts today. If i ever had to repeat my summer for 500 years, id be like Kyon wondering when i'd bust the loop. 8/19/18 Sharknado 6, SyFy and thier films, a weird combo featuring 2 names and 2 odd concepts Sharks and Tornadoes. And it was the last thing anyone saw coming a franchise. It was a good ending that somehow tied everything up in a bow, Now i ponder what could be the next unlikley franchise. Crazy Rich Asians, which i'm seeing on Thursday seems high on that list. 8/20/18 Ive had my issues with Willie before, but somehow, he really does everything he can to not be around me. When we do interact its civil, but yesterday with freezer unload him shooing me off and then getting someone else to assit, when i was ready to help just seems personal. Reporting this cause this seems like this could lead to a blowup. 8/21/18 I really like tuesdays from 11-12 the one two punch of CinemaSins and Honest Trailers really can put you in a good mood for the rest of the day. Todays with Rampage, and the very creative Deadpool takedown of the format istelf really made me eager for the stuff coming up. 8/22/18 Last normal free day of the summer, tomorrow its Crazy Rich Asians and hopefully no issues with my class. Next wednesday, everything should be ready to go. 8/23/18 Nice day, was really surprised by Crazy Rich Asians, will be reading the book now to see if its even better. No doubt Michelle Yeoh is the highlight. Also resumed audiobook for City of Heavenly Fire. With Shadowhunters show ending next year hoping this will at least have some beats of that story. Really want to get back on Audible subscription basis. 8/24/18 Having sniffles, and nearly puked at the store, hoping this isnt a bad thing. Rain although was needed, was not welcome, especially with power going out. 8/25/18 Took Dayquil felt fine and went in knocked out 4 from Cap 2 though. Hoping tomorrow wont be bad. John McCain on the other hand, that sucks. He really was the only Republican that went above and beyond to connect with everyone beyond, party lines. He'll be missed for sure. 8/26/18 Still felt a bit crappy, Keep wondering what i've got coming up. Class starts Wednesday. Hoping for good stuff. 8/27/18 Connor bolted for San Antonio to do mine work reminded me of when Eric initially left for Alaska. Hoping he'll pull this off. Unlike his so called comitment to the guard. 8/28/18 He made it down ok, my pants on the other hand split open again. Dad may have a point via my weight issues. 8/29/18 Year 11 of College, the desperation on my ego is high, but at least the ideas have me getting closer to the degree even if it is little by little. 8/30/18 A trend of mine with all of the wed-thur days off will be going on campus to get work done. Quiet day on that front, did get myself set up well for class ahead. 8/31/18 Can't stop sneezing, been a week, really hoping this isnt something bad.

[warhammers]

Ive been following this project since January of 2013, listening to the song in the teaser on repeat for the first year or two. Cyberpunk is my favorite kind of sci-fi and first person is my favorite pov for any game. The aesthetic revealed is my ideal portrayal of cyberpunk style so obviously this game is perfect in many ways for me. I have many reasons I would enjoy playing this game already.

From the very beginning however, I knew that just because CD Projekt Red knows how good game design works doesn't mean they'll be able to navigate cyberpunk in a way that is actually true to the genre. Especially since in the recent decade, cyberpunk has become more of an aesthetic than a platform to express discontent and rebellion against oppressive corporations and social structures alike.

From what I'm reading and seeing thus far, projekt red has achieved the atmosphere and aesthetic that they like (and I appreciate too) but when it came to the oppressive structures, they took the quick and easy way out with what looks like a "It's a man eat man world out there so you gotta fight for yourself" which really isn't revolutionary in any way. It's just an inhospitable city, yea it might have been made that way due to poverty, inequality & such but the focus isnt on rebellion, but just fighting to get by. It has the cyberpunk look but the spirit is kind of missing in that regard.

Sure, when we started out there were hopes that we'd finally get a sci-fi game with a character creator that doesn't limit your appearance one way or another based on gender, but actually let's you choose whatever features you want regardless of that just like a cyberpunk world where you can augment your body to be however you want it to be could make possible. But unfortunately they confirmed that this would not be a feature and I knew what kind of game we would be dealing with from then. After the 50 minute gameplay last August, seeing Jackie being a bit of a Mexican caricature further confirmed what I suspected. The newly unveiled "trans-inclusive" advertisement in-game is not surprising to me and I know the creators and many fans will find plenty of reasons to justify it in the game's universe, but the fact of the matter is that people have pointed out the ways it's offensive along with other things revealed to be in the game (racism ahoooy).

I do not expect a game made by a Polish company full of white people to commit to the reality of cyberpunk and I don't forgive them for any of the misrepresentation they present through the game. There is however a lot of value in a game like this to me and Im guessing so many others, visually and mechanically and I'm for sure buying this title used so I can get whatever enjoyment I can from it without needing to line the companies pockets.

I post this to offer the perspective of someone who is invested in the genre and has been tracking the game since 2013. Also to explain why a lot of us will be playing it despite it's blatant shortcomings.

My dashboard is properly split about cyberpunk