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transsexualhamlet · 3 years ago

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sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

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nessa007 · 3 years ago

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i dont like olivia rodrigo at all but courtney love is being ridiculous af and so is everyone who is bashing olivia by calling her a carbon copy of other artists and saying she steals this and that, its like the people who really hate pop music have decided she is the target for their "pop music is garbage" agenda. like what the fuck?

it feels like olivia is kinda getting the taylor treatment where people will get mad at her for doing literally anything. she’s still just a kid and a grown woman shouldn’t be picking on her like that or at all.

#replies

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thequeendesi · 5 years ago

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Bonded By Souls

Title: Bonded by Souls

Warnings: A swear somewhere. Small insults

Pairings: Jacob Black x PlusSize!Reader

AU: College

Disclaimer:i dont own you or the twilight saga franchise, i do own the writing.

Rating: PG

Request: id like a scenario for jake with a chubby s/o, but a confident girl please

….

You hummed softly as you sat next to your boyfriend in the college's cafe. "I don't have anymore classes today, I was thinking on a date night." You said, looking over at Jake, who simply rose an eyebrow.

"Mhm, and what would you like to do then?" He asked, finishing up his chicken sandwich. "Drive-in and dinner at that new restuarant that opened downtown." You ate one of his french fries. "I got paid last night."

"First, my fry, second, you know I don't like when you pay for me. That's the boyfriend's job." He teased, poking your nose. He wasn't serious, truth be told, he loved being spoiled by you.

"And a true queen treats her king any chance she gets." You opened your phone, booking a reservation through text, your best friend worked over at the restaurant so, more for your convenience.

"I got one more class, then I gotta run by the reservation to help Sam with a crib he's building and then I will pick you up at 6. Be dressed." He smiled at you, standing up, kissing the top of your head then walking out of the cafe.

"How long have you been dating tall, tan and tantalizing?" A girl sat next to you, she didn't know you personally, but she knew a lot of your boyfriend. "Three years, four next month." You said, putting your into a low ponytail. "Really? And he chooses to date... you?"

"I like to say we're bonded by souls." Her comment rolls off your back as you eat one of the fries that Jake left behind for you.

"Now, did you look like this before Jake? Or second you bagged the Triple T you let yourself go?"

"A little bit of both. I got happy pounds. Jake loves me, he wouldn't love someone like you." You said, matter-of-factly.

Insults never really got to you as you got older. It was more common to get one as you got older, unfortunately, but you knew who you were, and you loved yourself.

"Someone like me?" She asked, offended, standing up out of the seat to stare at you.

"Someone nasty. Someone who goes up to people minding their own business just to disrespect how they look and try to butt into a relationship you have no business butting into." You stood up, grabbed your trash and walked to the garbage can.

"It's not my fault, I just think the Triple T could do better than someone who probably eats her feelings while listening to Flightless Bird, American Mouth at 3 a.m. in the morning."

"Girl, obviously you failed in the good parent/home training department, so I'll give you three seconds to shut your mouth before I come over there and show you what attracted my boyfriend to me in the first place."

You and Jake met while you were in boxing, and goddamn were you good at it. You could have an opponent K.O'ed in a matter of minutes.

The girl shunk back into her seat, shutting up instantly as you walked out of the cafe.

You didn't call anyone to talk about the issue on the way to your car. Why would you need too? You handled yourself with pride and she was obviously out of words, which made you happy.

…

Jake held your hand across the table, the music in the background was cute and soft.

"Can i start you off with anything? Water and salad perhaps?" The waitress asked.

"I already know what I want." You said, ordering your preferred meal with your favorite drink. "I think I'll have the same."

"Dont use avacado oil with his, he's allergic." You informed as the woman nodded, walking to backroom.

"I love you." He hummed, rubbing his thumb against your knuckles. "I love you more."

"So how much longer until the baby comes?" You asked, as the waitress came back with the drinks. "About a week." Jake said, taking a sip of his drink. "I can't wait until we're able to get married and have kids and all that jazz." You smiled, looking at him. "First comes the careers and house. Which I was thinking..."

"I call dibs on designing the house." You said. "Wrap around porch in the country?"

"You know me so well. I couldn't have chosen a better person to be bonded by souls with."

#jacob black #jake black #jacob x reader #jake x reader #jacob black x reader #jake black x reader #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight x reader #twilight saga au #twilight college au

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la5t-res0rt · 4 years ago

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this was written several weeks ago in response to asks i was receiving i am posting it now it is very long the longest i have ever made and it is not very well edited but here it is in this final essay i talk about how shitty rae is about black people in her writing as well as just me talking about how her writing sucks in general lets begin

hello everyone

as you may know i have received a lot of anons in the last week or so about issues of racism in the beetlejuice community both just generally speaking and also within specific spaces

i was very frustrated to not be getting the answers i wanted because i typically do not talk about what i do not see but in an effort to be better about discourse i went looking through discourse from before my time in the fandom and i also received some receipts and information from my followers and from some friends

keep in mind that the voices and thoughts of bipoc are not only incredibly important at all times but in this circumstance it is important that if a bipoc has something to add you listen and learn and be better

i admit that when this happened i wasnt aware of the extent of what occurred and im angry at myself for not doing more at that time and i want to work harder to make sure something like this doesnt go unnoticed again

im a hesitant to talk about months old discourse because i have been criticized for bringing up quote old new unquote but this is very important and i am willing to face whatever comes from to me

lets talk about this

content from our local racist idiot that may be months old but its important

putting my thoughts under a cut to spare the dash but before i begin obviously this is awful

lets fucking unpack this folks

right out the gate op states that she supports artistic freedom but then within a couple words she goes against that statement

being entirely canon compliant isnt artistic freedom and even so if this person has so much respect for canon they wouldnt be out here erasing lydias obvious disgust for beetlejuice in the movie or ignoring lydias age for the sake of shipping that shit isnt canon either

also we love the quick jab at the musical there hilarious we love it dont we because god forbid a licensed and successful branch on a media have any standing in this conversation but whatever

now lets scroll down and talk about the term racebending

the term racebending was coined around 2009 in response to the avatar the last airbender movie a film in which the east asian races of the characters were erased by casting white actors in the three leading roles of aang sokka and katara

whenever the term racebending is used in a negative light it is almost always a case of whitewashing like casting scarlett johansen in ghost in the shell or the casting of white actors of the prince of persia sands of time instead of iranian ones

this kind of racebending erases minorities from beeing seen in media and is wrong

all that being said however racebending has also been noted to have very positive after effects like the 1997 adaptation of cinderella or casting samuel jackson as nick fury in the marvel movies nick fury was originally a white guy can you even imagine

i read this piece from an academic that said quote writers can change the race and cultural specificity of central characters or pull a secondary character of color from the margins transforming them into the central protagonist unquote

racebending like the kind that rae is so heated about is the kind of creative freedom that leads to more representation of bipoc in media which will never be a bad thing ever no matter how pissy you get about it

designing a version of a character as a poc isnt serving to make them necessarily better it serves to give new perspective and perhaps the opportunity to connect even more deeply with a character it doesnt marginalize or erase white people it can uplift poc and if you think uplifting poc is wrong because it tears down white people or whatever youre a fucking moron and you need to get out of your podunk white folk town and see the real world

the numbers of times a bipoc particularly a bipoc that is also lgbt+ has been represented in media are dwarfed by what i as a white dude have seen myself represented in media is and that isnt okay that isnt equality and its something that should change not only in mainstream media but in fandom spaces as well

lets move down a bit further to the part about bullying straight people which is hilarious and lets also talk about the term fetishistic as well lets start with that

this person literally writes explicit pornography of a minor and an adult are we really going to let someone like that dictate what is and what isnt fetishistic

similarly to doing a positive racebend situation people may project lgbt+ headcanons on a character because its part of who they are and it helps them feel closer to the character and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

depicting lgbt+ subject matter on existing characters isnt an inherently fetishistic action generally things only really become fetishistic when the media is being crafted and hyped by people who are outside of lgbt+ community for example how young teens used to flip a tit about yaoi or how chasers fetishize trans people

but drawing a character with top surgery scars or headcanoning them as trans is harmless and its just another way to interpret a character literally anone could be trans unless if their character bio says theyre cis and most of them dont go that deep so it really is open to interpretation and on the whole most creators encourage this sort of exploration because it is a good thing to get healthy representation out in the world

as for it being used to bully straights thats just funny i dont have anything else on that like if youre straight and you feel threatened and bullied because of someone headcanoning someone as anything that isnt cishet youre a fucking idiot and a weak baby idiot at that like the real world must fucking suck for you because lgbt+ people are everywhere and statistically a big chunk of your favorite characters arent cishet sorry be mad about it

lets roll down a bit further about the big meat of the issue which was when several artists were drawing interpretations of lydia as a black girl which i loved but clearly this person didnt love it because they have a very narrow and very racist and problematic view of what it means to be a black person

and before i move forward i must reiderate that i am a white person and you should listen to the thoughts of poc people like @fright-of-their-lives or @gender-chaotic it is not my place to explain what the black experience is like and it certainly isnt this persons either

implying that the story of a black person isnt worth telling unless if the character faces struggles like racism and prejudice is downright moronic

why use the word kissable to describe a black persons lips now thats what i call fetishistic and its to another extreme if youre talking about a black version of lydia on top of that

the author of this post says herself that shes white so clearly shes the person whos an authority on the black experience and what it means to be a black person right am i reading that right or am i having a fucking conniption

how about allowing black characters to exist without having to struggle why cant a black version of lydia just be a goth teenager with a ghost problem who likes photography and is also black like she doesnt have to move to a hick town and get abused by racist folks she doesnt have to go through any more shit than she already goes through and if you honestly think thats the only way to tell a black persons story you need to get your brain cleaned

you know nothing about the complexities about being a black person and i dont either but you know wh odo black people who are doing black versions of canon characters they fucking know

lets squiggle down just a bit further

so the writer has issues with giving characters traits like a broad nose or larger lips if theyre a woman but if theyre a man suddenly its totally okay to go all ryan murphy ahs coven papa legba appropriation when approaching character design like are you fucking stupid do you hear yourself is that really how you see black men like what the fuck is wrong with you

none of the shit youre spewing takes bravery it takes ignorance and supreme levels of stupidity

do you really think you with your fic where a black lgbt+ woman is tortured and abused where you use the n word with a hard r to refer to her like that shits not okay its fucking depraved and yeah we know you love being shitty but like christ on a bike thats so much

can we also talk about this

what the fuck is this fetishistic bull roar garbage calling this black character beyonce dressing her up in quote fuck me heels unquote are you are you seriously gonna write this and say its a shining example of how to write a black character youre basically saying ope here she is shes a sex icon haha im so progressive and i clealry understand the black experience hahahaha fuck you oh my god

on top of that theres a point where this character is only referred to as curly hair or the fact that the n word is used in the fic with the hard r like thats hands down not okay for you to use especially not in a manner like this jesus christ

oop heres a little more a sampling for you of the hell i am enduring in reading this drivel

oh boy lets put a leash on the angry black woman character lets put her in a leash and have the man imply hes a master like are you kidding me are you for real and what the fuck is with calling her shit like j lo and beyonce do you actually think thats clever at all are you just thinking of any poc that comes into your head for this

also lydia fucking tells this girl that she shouldnt have lost her temper like she got fucking leashed im so tired why is this writing so problematic and also so bad

hold up before i lose my head lets look at some of her own comments on the matter of this character and what happens to her

hi hello youre just casually tossing the word lynch out there in the wide open world as if thats not a problem that is still real like are you fucking unhinged there have been multiple cases of this exact thing happening in our firepit of a country in the last five months alone like how can you still have shit like this up for people to read how can you be proud of work like this in this climate

and also what the fuck is that last bit

what the actual fuck

i dont speak for black people as a white person but you do!? im sorry i had to get my punctuation out for that because wow thats fucking asinine just because one black person read your fic and didnt find the torture and abuse of your one black character abhorrant doesnt mean that the vast majority of people not only in the fandom but in the human population with decency are going to think its okay because its not

i started this post hoping to be level headed and professional but jesus fucking christ this woman is something else white nationalism is alive and well folks and its name is rae

if you defend this woman you defend some truly abhorrant raecism

editors notes

in order to get some perspective on these issues more fully some of the writing by the author was examined and on the whole it was pretty unreadable but i want to just call back to the very beginning of this essay where the person in question talked about holding canon in high regard but then in their writing they just go around giving people magic and shit and ignoring the end of the movie entirely like are you canon compliant or nah

the writing doesnt even read like beetlejuice fanfic it reads as self indulgent fiction you could easily change the names and its just a bad fanfic from 2007

also can we talk about writing the lesbian character as an angry man hater like its 2020 dude and als olets touch on that girl on girl pandering while beetlejuice is just there like here we go fetishizing again wee

i cant find a way to work this into this already massive post but

im going to throw up

okay so thats a lot we have covered a lot today and im sure my ask box will regret it but this definitely should have been more picked apart when it happened

please feel free to add more to this i would love more perspectives than just my own.

#long post #racism #raecism #im so tired #thanks for reading

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legos-lass · 5 years ago

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underrated stefon (and seth) lines

“his knees look like biscuits...and hes ready to party!”

*12 days of christmas club song* “...lay it on me my man! whats your question?”

“jewish cupids--they just want you to meet someone nice and settle down.”

“plus, if you come this sunday, youll meet 2-year-old ultimate fighter drooly lips jackson. hes got fists like little empanadas...and hes my best friend.”

“this active crime scene is the creation of lazily named drag queen melvin-in-a-dress”

“stefon...i am beginning to think you dont work for the new york chamber of commerce!”

“so many republican candidates, who do you pick?”

“flaccid outreach group doctors without boners” ... “im sure doctors without boners does amazing work--” “NOT REALLY, NO”

*holiday music starts playing* “[mouthing] where is that music coming from?”

“sorry, i never knew you had a family...i just thought you were built by gay scientists...”

*asked about sports bars for march madness” “yesyesyesyesyesyes...if youre looking for madness, in march...”

“whats a human roomba?” “it’s that thing of when you put a midget on a skateboard...and it slides around on your floor eating garbage...[softly] caught in a corner...”

*about jacked-beth* “she sounds like quite a woman” “i went to prom with her!”

“and if you liked russel crowe in les miserables, you might want to hear jasper the gorilla pass a kidney stone”

“safe. and. fun. if youre looking to get hurt, and go completely insane--”

“i have two questions: will you spend spring break with me, and why not?”

“a doorman who always high fives children of divorce”

“so you can pretend it’s BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN’S hand”

“if youre irish, or just WHITE and VIOLENT...”

#bc everyone always talks about donald duck having vietnam nightmare or SPICY #saturday night live #snl #bill hader #stefon #seth meyers

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carlyfrombleachers · 4 years ago

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Liveblogging of TS6 (reputation)

Okay. Let me preface this by saying I don’t like Taylor Swift. I think she’s a boring artist, who brings close to nothing to the table. The reason I’m even listening to Reputation is because I keep getting recommended an interview of Jack Antonoff where he talks about New Year’s Day (which is a song on Reputation) and I really want to watch that but I also want to know what the fuck he’s talking about. So here we are. Don’t expect more stuff like this from me. I expect this to be just a one-off thing. Swifties, don’t fucking come after me or I will cry. The only other TS album I listened to was Lover, and I thought it was trash. Absolute garbage. And apparently this one is worse than Lover. I don’t know if I’ll regret this.

Let’s begin, I guess.

...Ready For It?

I keep thinking of that one voice clip from the Hannah Montana intro (?) where you faintly hear a girl say “are you ready for it?” and that’s my first impression just by looking at the title.

I’m hitting ‘play’ right now.

Oh nevermind, I forgot to pay Deezer this month. YouTube it is.

Hey look, Ajay is in my recommended. Queen of reactions.

Help what is this

rockstar taylor??

what the fuck is up with the beat

chorus felt weak. this is my first opinion im not done with the track

i looked at the music video for 3 seconds and i saw a horse bye

i was distracted by the music video help i dont like this

since i looked at the music video for just a lil while i should say it looks weird. it is weird in a bad way it looks like some knockoff cyberpunk thing.

why didnt she just name this “Are You Ready For It?”

I’m... not particularly blown away by this track. It’s fine. I wouldn’t bop to it but I wouldn’t object to it playing somewhere. It’s like... it’s decent.

End Game (ft. Ed Sheeran, Future)

I don’t know who Future is.

she said reputation haha thats the name of the album

ok future is a rapper i dont listen to rap thats why i dont know him

after listening to lover i cant believe this is the same woman this is so weird

not looking forward to the ed sheeran part

“i wanna be your end game” this wasnt really what i was expecting

fuck off ed sheeran (i just reached his part)

according to some tabloid lady gaga mistook ed sheeran for a waiter? i would do the same thing if i saw this redhead fuckface on the street as well lol

“big reputation, big reputation, you and me got a big reputation” so deep!!!

I guess I should take this time to-- is she rapping?

Sorry, I got distracted. I don’t think every song needs to be this huge deep piece that must be deeply analyzed for centuries, but I do expect some interesting message or context for a track at least. If it sounds good, I’d also give it a pass.

This one? This was boring. I would not verbally object to this playing close to me, I would just have a grossed out look on my face during the chorus.

I Did Something Bad

I keep reading the title in Akasaka Sad’s tune. You know the part where Rina says “A-ka-sa-ka sad, I’m a sucker”? I keep thinking “I did-I did something bad”. I don’t expect it to be like that.

“i never trust a narcissist but they love me” taylor talks about her fanbase

sorry to drag swifties publicly but i will forever take an opportunity to drag a swiftie

predictable antithesis use there with “i did something bad so why does it feel so good” but okay

why was taylor branded a snake again? she pretended it was “””gone””” with lover but like. it’s weird. its not like she punched kanye on stage in 2008 or something. i dont care enough to search for evidence that taylor is a snake so lol go off i guess

dont enjoy the post-chorus part where she’s like drddddddd dddddddd it feels so distracting the gunshots were more than enough

Yeah, this one was fine. My favorite up to this point, I think.

Don’t Blame Me

lol she said “dont blame me” then it buffered bye

i was showering for the past 25 minutes hello i was listening to track 10 and melodrama

i am enjoying this one kinda

“dont blame me love made me crazy” haha wait until you find out what your next era is

“i once was poison ivy now im your daisy” this is a pretty good line honestly

obligatory katy flop moment: haha taylor could hit the high notes in daisy

this sounds like a country song especially in the chorus i dont know what to really make of it

“loooord save me” this is why your female fans are called horse girls

This was... pretty good. The chorus weirds me out still, but it had its good moments. It was nice.

Delicate

stop saying reputation in the reputation album

this autotune voice bits of hers are so distracting

i say as i listen to how i’m feeling now by charli xcx

yes i did just roast myself. gotta leave the swifties with nothing

god the music video for this track has 400m views this woman is making my faves look like indie stars LOL

I keep getting distracted because this song is boring. It’s... okay. I guess. The music video was pretty cute. Nothing caught my attention in the track, but it sounds like gym music. It would play on a gym owned by a 30-something white woman during the yoga classes and you know it.

Look What You Made Me Do

We’ve all heard this song. I’m gonna listen to it and then be done with it.

I guess I’ll just watch the music video.

ONE BILLION VIEWS????????????

Okay. I watched the music video.

Really? All the fem guys dancing with her?

I’m not going to sit here and be like “fem guys are BAD and should all die and never be represented” because… lol. But it is kind of annoying how it was literally just fem guys dancing with her and doing all those faces because you KNOW she was looking for the impressionable gays to go “omg taylor progressive!!!!” and go talk about it on social media.

But am I saying that because I don’t like Taylor? Yes. But that doesn’t make my point less valid.

The music video was pretty good, the production on this track is really good (thank you Jack Antonoff xx) and the track itself is good. Not outstanding or perfect or a serve, it’s good.

Also the ending with all her previous eras? That was cool. The uncool part is most of the “look how rich I am” parts… because we all know you’re rich, Taylor. Nice SFX.

So It Goes…

i got an ad whyyyyyyy

fuck this shit i cant keep up with what shes saying im pulling genius out for this one

this is not lyrically deep i can tell already from genius

im not a fan of love songs i already have CRJ to cover that base and Lorde covers breakup songs I guess and this song is just. boring. lol

Nothing really shocking or noteworthy here, it’s just.. okay.

Gorgeous

I got another ad FUCK

i got a boss baby ad help

god boss baby really was something huh i completely forgot about that

why am i talking about boss baby

okay. reputation

why did a baby say gorgeous

HELP i am so disappointed this is the one track with the lyric video and god this is disappointing

i saw this and i was like “oh shit shes gonna talk about how its gonna be gorgeous when u die” or smth and

lol. LOL. the depth is nonexistent and the bar is in hell

who wrote this? you lied

This song is so boring, LOL. I expected so much from it and was instantly disappointed when the pre-chorus hit. You had everything on your plate and you ate the plate itself. Girl. What the hell. Why. You could’ve given us an anthem about hating your man, and you took the easy route.

Getaway Car

im intrigued

okay im listening and this sounds very jack antonoff? the shotgun thing made me immediately go o_o

it felt a bit weak at the end but at the start i was enjoying it quite a lot… i think this is my fave

I enjoyed this one quite a lot :) It was pretty good but not an amazing masterpiece. It was better than LWTMMD and that’s all I have to say.

King Of My Heart

sounds boring haha

taylor keeps putting these trap beats in things sister youre not lorde LOL

yeah this is kinda boring

WAIT A MINUTE NEW YEARS DAY IS THE LAST TRACK???? IM GONNA HAVE TO STICK UNTIL THE END oh my god please no

i dont. i .. i knew this would be happening but i didnt expect it to be the last one

i guess the timing is accurate ha ha ha ha

i just heard ariana grande

I keep hearing Ariana Grande on this track. Is that good? I don’t know.

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

why are there so many songs in this fucking album

the beat is.. okay. it is catchy

oh i like this i think. its pretty nice

the chorus is nice. yes. i do kind of enjoy this

Yeah, I liked this one. Pretty good writing, and it sounds great.

Dress

wtf is this song why is it so horny

horny taylor is weird stop being horny please

this song is okay i would not revisit it because its just weird. do not like this!!!

when carly rae jepsen says slide on through my window it is funny but when taylor sings i bought this dress so you could take it off i die

oh that second of silence was really good

[looks at the producer] [it’s jack antonoff] :)

This song weirds me out. I don’t like it. It had its moments production-wise but it was... weird.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

I expect good things from this. With a title like that? Give me a bop.

Currently not being a bop.

Okay, it was cute. Nothing amazing. Just… fine. Cute attempt.

oh i liked the spoken part thats what i expected from this song

Call It What You Want

this is about genitalia this is my prediction

It was not about genitalia.

This song is pretty good if you remove all the mentions to her lover and her man and her baby, which are all the same person, I guess.

This is disappointing.

JACK ANTONOFF BACKING VOCALS

I LOVE YOU JACK

umm anyways

OH HE DID IT AGAIN IM GONNA CRY i love this man

I expected so much from this track and the chorus just… disappointed me.

JACK!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! KEEP SINGING!!!!!

i love this man im gonna cry

The highlight of this song is the part where Jack Antonoff sings.

New Year’s Day

wow the reason why im doing this shit

look at him. :)

this song was cute. nothing special. just cute. very okay.

just. okay. yeah. pretty fine.

nothing special.

Final Thoughts On The Album

It was better than Lover.

I expected this to be a concept album, all about the drama she’s gotten into? But it was just boring love songs with some extra flair. I expected great things from this album, having only heard LWYMMD from it before this. A concept album that’s just an answer/clapback to everyone’s who wronged her à la Yellow Flicker Beat (I know it’s for a movie but that song slaps and I don’t know a thing about Hunger Games) would’ve been PERFECT but it was just... love songs. I need Taylor to stop singing about love and start serving us big meals.

I would not like to revisit this. Like, 5/10. It could’ve been a lot better, but it wasn’t because you’re too afraid to cross some lines, Taylor.

Final Ranking:

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Getaway Car

Look What You Made Me Do

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

New Year’s Day

Call It What You Want

...Ready For It?

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

So It Goes...

End Game (feat. Ed Sheeran, Future)

Dress

Delicate

King Of My Heart

Gorgeous

taylor flop stream gone now

#taylor swift #liveblog #liveblogging #reputation #swifties dont kill me thanks #i dont like taylor swift why did i do this #music

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hennesseyok · 5 years ago

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ummm hi !! so i’m nori n i’ve been outta the rp game for a hot minute but miss rona has me without shit to do so im back !! plz excuse this literal garbage intro but we out here !! i am so down to plot the fck outta her ( she needs bandmates for her band ... n also a name ... ahem ... ) n honestly am v open to anything, so plzZz dont hesistate to message me on here (im not hip with the kids so i dont have discord ??? yet ??? ) n e wayz heres my cutie sadboy babie hennessey eeek !! i love this group already ah !!

kristen stewart. cis woman. she/her. �� can you hear painfully obvious by harmless coming from apartment # 408 ? that must mean hennessey rhodes is home. the twenty-six year old is currently a member of a local band and they live with 2 roommates. they’ve been living in the village for four years and residents have gathered the scorpio’s enigmatic yet detached demeanor. ❞ nori. 21. she/her. gmt -6.

s t a t i s t i c s full name: hennessey leighanne rhodes nicknames: rhodes, h, hez, daddy [ anything thats not “henny” lol she hates that name eek ] dob: oct 25 1993 sign: ☼ scorpio, ☾ scorpio, ↑ capricorn sexuality: queer [ wlw, nblw ] birthplace: new albany, mississippi known languages: english, some bayou french siblings: none a e s t h e t i c s + pinterest drunken walks home from the bar, matching stick n poke tattoos, worn in band tees, red-tinted bedroom lights, unmade beds, empty swimming pools at 3 am, sunrises on apartment rooftops, shelves of filled leatherbound notebooks, lightwash denim, half wiped off sharpies on skin, bruised knuckles on soft hands, blood pacts with best friends, freshly bleached hair, gentle forehead kisses, the smell of vanilla and tobacco b i o ☆ the child of two born again evangelical christians in the small town of new albany, ms, hennessey was brought into a world of devout religion and an “all american” mentality ☆ located in northern mississippi near the tallehatchie river, new albany had a population of just under 7,000 when hennessey was born. being in the bible belt of america, mississippi had a ruthless reputation for homophobia, transphobia, and racism. all things that hennessey was brought up surrounded by. ☆ her parents were through and through rednecks that tried to get their lives on track after her mother was knocked up at 19 [ thus her name… ahem ] ☆ the early years of her life were spent fully devoted the church, she was baptized at birth and was fully indoctrinated into her religion until her freshman year of highschool ☆ hennessey starting experiencing same gender attraction as early as she can remember, but never acted on anything until junior year. after a local high school party she found herself in the bedroom of the town preachers daughter. ☆ a whirlwind romance began, the two were inseparable and were thought to be the best of friends by everyone in town. but, when playing with fire, someone is bound to get burned. or the whole town can go up in flames, and that’s exactly what happened. ☆ the two were walked in on one night and it was enough to strike the match. all of new albany was disgusted and enraged; they wanted the rhodes family out of their town, even going so far as to claim that the devil had come in the form of the family to destroy the good people of mississippi. ☆ excommunicated by her family, she finished highschool at 18 and took of running as fast as she could. she bought the cheapest bus ticket she could afford, and landed on the couch of a local blues musician in nashville, tn. he took her in and taught her everything he knew about music and, by proxy, black culture. ☆ after leaving new albany, her worldview shifted foundationally. she’s been in and out of central booking on riot and protest charges, so she’s pretty much stuck doing this music thing due to her criminal record ☆ from the ages of 19 to 22 she spent between nashville, atlanta, brooklyn and detroit, playing music, going on benders, and getting between the sheets of as many girls as she could [ she basically went on a rampage lol ] in the process she picked up a pretty gnarly coke habit that she’s still trying to shake. so she says, at least. ☆ she landed in new york where she finally started a semi-successful band and decided she wanted to start building a life n thats when she ended up here !! q u i c k f a c t s ok imma try to wrap this up cus i know its getting long lol but n e wayz heres like a tl;dr summary ☆ grew up in a racist, homophobic, backwards town; was outed for being gay and hasn’t spoken to her parents since she was 18 ☆ she’s a v talented musician and her rising in capricorn makes her want to be successful as fuck, even if she has to do some shady shit to get there ☆ she started a band and their mild success landed her in brooklyn. she needs bandmates !! i purposely didn’t name the band so connections could help make it a #Band.... ehehe ☆ she’s a ride or die friend and 10000% one of the #boiz, you can usually find her doing some dumb shit with her best friends. once u have her loyalty, she’ll be by your side no matter what happens ☆ v flirty. like, will flirt until u invite her back to ur place only to bail and go hang with her bandmates lol. ☆ she finds it hard to open up [ i know… how fuckin CLICHE ] but all she wants is someone to actually hold her n tell her that its okay not to be okay ??? give me that soft gay shit ??? ☆ shes a lil bit of a player but only becus she’s bored. its never her intention to hurt someone but girls often get attached and her scorpio ass isn’t the best at letting em down easy ☆ once she left, hennessey basically tried to shed all trace of her hometown from her, but she has a slight mississippi twang to her accent that only comes out when she’s really mad or rly close with someone [ she hates it sm and hates when ppl comment on it lol ] ☆ she’s forever writing songs, like 9 times out of ten if u cant find her, shes prob holed up in her bedroom, cigarette in hand, writing some sappy shit about a girl she hooked up w after her latest show [ kiiiinda wanna do a plot w someone she’s super into but the person couldnt give less of a fck about her ?? like yes bithc we love a role reversal ]

um ya thats it i will def be developing her way more i know this is so shit but im tryin my best here plz dont read me if shit don’t add up. love yall hehe. also plz plot w her she needs besties and hookups and love interests !!

#hi??? um #pls plot w my queer bean hennessey #also invite me to ur discords #i still dk what that is but YES #ily all already #villageintro

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scbines · 6 years ago

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WORD okay what up i’m ally, i’m twenty1, i use she/her pronouns, my timezone is est & small disclaimer: i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing, okay!! just keep that in mind when you .. go to read this complete shit storm okay i’m Trying.. anywhen! i may or may not have uhhh copied & pasted the majority of this from the last time i played her but.. that’s neither her nor there, tbh! if u wanna plot, feel free to hmu on discord at [mournful bagpipe music]#2581 or yk use the lil chat thing on tumblr if u aint got discord bhvfjn. MOVING ON..

cw: alcohol, neglect, sex ( & i think that’s it, folks! )

sab’s pinterest: here!

( sofia carson, cisfemale ) did you hear how SABINE VALDEZ is applying to columbia university as a PHILOSOPHY major ?! the TWENTY-ONE year old is living in the WATT HALL. i heard that they got in because they are +MAGNETIC and +INTREPID, but honestly i think SHE can be -FLIGHTY and -VOLATILE. they’re a real CATACLYSM. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end.

imma just dive right in cos idk how else to go about it bgvjn

sabine grew up w/ a single mom in Detroit & they were basically skating the line between lower class and poverty, meaning they had like a proper house, but they were definitely behind on mortgage always and living paycheck to paycheck :// like when they went grocery shopping & sab would put anything but the basics in the cart her mom would look at her like ‘that’s a joke, right?’ and never could afford like birthday/christmas presents or cake or anything rip ( honestly not that sab’s mom gave enough a shit to even notice smh ) ! so everything was always a little .. hectic ig ? her mom couldnt ever relax unless she was blackout drunk so uhh that’s p much that on that sighs

even worse?? when sab was about eleven her mom got injured at work ( dont ask me How cos i have? no idea hibgfnjd i’ll flesh it out at some point.. maybe .. probably not.. ) so she and sab lived on disability checks and whatever small money sab could make helping her neighbors with like yard work/babysitting/shit like that until she was old enough to get a real job smh meaning she’s been working as long as she can remember god im exhausted just typing it

this basically left sab to raise herself, which .. most likely left her better off than if her mom paid her more attention tbh? cos her mom is selfish and doesnt care about anything but the next drink & the next man she’ll be inviting home smh !! the whole thing w/ her mom is that she Never Wanted kids but it wasn’t an option to abort or give sab up for adoption so she was Stuck raising a kid she never wanted .. truly .. rip ..

that said, sab’s mom was .. promiscuous to say the least .. all thru sab’s childhood there were countless nameless men in and out of their lives ranging from a day to a few weeks at most SIGHS anyways this of course led to sab having a seriously warped idea of what a healthy relationship is HELLO hvicnjm it’s super flawed to the point where she thinks the height of healthy relationship goals is to be exclusive for more than a few weeks smfh its wild tbh .. romance? dont know her! love? WHOMST? to sabine, there’s no point in bothering to rely or care for someone else because you’ll just end up disappointed so she ? keeps her distance for the most part.. relying Solely on herself cos thats the only person who wont let her down ( while also suffering from deeply rooted self-hatred? wow .. legends only .. )

anyways !! she Hated detroit like nobody’s business and always wanted nothing more than to Get Away from the toxicity of her home life and the suffocation of being the caregiver for a woman who will hardly get out of her bed gtg !!! so this led to her putting all her focus into after school jobs and making sure she was the top of her class At All Times like .. shes always been super determined and goal oriented but to a fault if that makes sense. she will work her ass off when given reason to, but once she’s accomplished that goal, she feels absolutely aimless sighs

bitch had .. like 3 jobs in hs and applied to a dozen schools, all of them at least 100 miles from detroit like Word ! she applied to columbia on a whim not thinking she’d get in but when she got that acceptance letter you can bet ur ass the bitch was Outta There!!

getting here tho … she isnt sure what to do next ihbvfcnj she never thought as far as majors and actually choosing what to do with the rest of her life so she?????? is undetermined about p much everything hgvifncjd but philosophy seems like the cop out she’s been looking for lmao !!!

anyways she works at a shitty diner not too far from campus like almost every day after classes but on weekends she COUGHS strips across town hibvfncj HA didnt see that coming did ya smh hibfnjd but!! she does it across town cos she lk wants it to stay a secret like she doesnt need to kick a frat boy’s ass for making shitty comments now does she??? but i mean .. its not something she’s ashamed of, she’s just Not Interested in having people she hates talk shit and slut shame ygm??

being so busy all the time, she doesn’t really have time for any school activities but she’s down for a party at any time ( esp if its like themed hbifnjd she loves a costume ) and uhh dtf too lbr shes v in touch w/ her sexuality #freethenipple ( does she even own a single bra?? we just don’t know! )

THAT SAID !! she doesnt correlate sex with like .. emotions?? cos shes never seen them in a situation where they’re mutually exclusive rip :// this led to her thinking people only ever Wanted Something from her be it her body or like a chance to put her down to feel better abt themselves smh ! she isnt a generally violent person but if it’s the latter she’s more likely to throw a few choice words in ur direction hvifcnj

generally, sab’s p much just ur Stressed Out Scholarship Student just trying to graduate so her life isnt a fucking trainwreck like her mom’s! she’s desperate for both human affection and adventure, so offer her one, the other or both and her heart is yours tbh! as much as she’ll pretend its not lmao !!1!1!!!!

anywhomst i cannot for the life of me think of anything else to type her atm since im??? garbage???? but !! mssg me if u wanna plot smthn out fam since uhh sab having friends??? sounds like a pipe dream tbh and im desperate for it lol!

#☆ — ❛ ooc. ❜#columbiaintro #this is embarrassing i can do better #but here we are ..

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carholunma1973-blog · 6 years ago

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Ps: regarding pictures like the above: even the great pacific garbage patch only contains a small number of plastic fragments per area. You could literally swim throug it and not notice it at all. It "just" that the overall area, and hence the tonnage of waste, is humongous, so pictures and videos like the above mostly exist in areas of increased dissippation and accumulation. I finally decided I had enough in December and started the process of ordering a copper iud. It been over a month and they still haven got back to me, depsite the messages I left. I through with this doctor and her shit medical advice, and I can wait to remove Nexplanon.. Unfortunately, I don think many people are having it, and her brand is dying a painful death. Hopefully she was wise with her money and made some sound investments and/or saved it, because I don think her husband music is going to blow up overnight. And. I started to not care about things anymore, school, work, hobbies, etc. I would sleep for a long time, sometimes up to 14 hours a day and just stay in bed. I would not eat for days at a time. And I ALSO think she did do a collab of sorts with Colourpop combining their lip colors with her polishes. I quite liked that actually, seemed like a very natural meeting of both brands. I wouldn have been bothered at all if she had sold her polishes with CP instead, could make smart business sense.. I turned off the pain and clenched, feeling the alien arm shatter beneath my fingers. It squawked furiously and its tail rose behind it, poised to lance out and spear me. 영광출장안마 Before he could react, i stepped in closer, powering a fist into the bottom right of its stomach, This housed a gland unique to the Dralid, allowing them to produce their venom. Edit for context, since it seems really random but fun fact: mushrooms breathe air and exhale CO2. CO2 Is heavy so it sinks at the bottom. When growing mushrooms, they need plenty of ventilation so they don have that buildup. Is vehemently against the military and anything that she considers too patriotic. This also led her to assume where I stand on the political spectrum which made her dislike me even more. She is very liberal and kinda a stereotype of what someone like this would be. I dont know where youre getting all these ideas about 영광출장안마 rural jails when youve only done 3 months, but people DO fight. It almost ALL they do. It is incredibly more violent compared to anywhere else he has been. I wouldn't care to get a punch on the nose from him. Fine arms, but legs no good below the knee. Couldn't make cavalry men of them." And after glancing down complacently at his own shanks, he always concluded: "Pah! Don't they stink! You, Makola! Take that herd over to the fetish" (the storehouse was in every station called the fetish, perhaps because of the spirit of civilization it contained) "and give them up some of the rubbish you keep there. Smit ultimately agreed to take the offer. There you go, I in the cosmetics business, Andrew said. Good. In 1991, Allure magazine conducted a survey of men and women living in the United States about what constituted beauty. Beauty ideal was a woman like Christie Brinkley a blonde haired, blue eyed, fair skinned model. Twenty years later, in 2011, Allure conducted the same survey, but times had clearly changed: Angeline Jolie, with her dark hair and voluptuous lips was now ranked as the pinnacle of beauty.

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damiennazario · 7 years ago

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The Girl With the Broken Smile

Pairing: Maxwell x MC

Summary: In which Maxwell’s rooftop confession comes a lot later - at Liam and Madeleine’s wedding.

Genre/Warning: Fluff, PG

Words: 4,754

Notes: boi ... i never expected to slide my booty over to maxwell. but y’alls prayers have been answered and now this ass belongs to him. i dont know a liam and neither does the mc in this fic. enjoy this overly-fluffy piece of garbage!

You’re watching King Liam and Queen Madeleine's first dance as a married couple.

The two look as stiff and awkward as ever, despite their obvious skill in the Cordonian waltz as high-ranking nobles. Liam is standing a quite notable distance away from his so-called bride, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist, and her face is pasted with a flimsy smile. Nevertheless, the King Father, the Queen Mother, and all the other nobles that are present look on at the king and his wife as they glide across the floor - if you could even call it gliding, Liam looks as if he’s dragging Madeleine across - with thoughtful reverence.

Of course, all of the other nobles except for the members of House Beaumont, Drake, Olivia, and Hana.

You should be more hurt to see this farcical display than you are at present. But the truth is, you just feel numb, the same way you've been feeling ever since the events of the Coronation; and now even more so, given that Tariq has disappeared without a trace, and took along with him your chances of gaining your rightful place alongside Liam, reigning as Cordonia's true queen.

You told Liam that things would be over between you two once he married Madeleine, because no matter how much you loved him, you couldn't stand any more lies or sneaking around, especially considering that it would only get harder to be together once they got married. He and Madeleine may even be pressured to start a family together, while you remain the other woman with no happy ending in sight for either of you. Go figure - starting a family in a loveless marriage while the woman Liam truly loves is left to suffer. How could you possibly keep yourself in a situation like that?

Deciding you're sick of reducing yourself to watching this charade play out - because, after all, you had to sit through the ceremony - you promptly excuse yourself without a word. Everyone's so busy watching Liam and Madeleine that they don't even notice you leaving, but even if they did, they wouldn't care. You were essentially part of the common rabble, anyway. You didn’t have much of a right to be here.

Suddenly, you hear your name, clear as the peal of a bell over the din of the music. It's none other than Maxwell, running up to you with a bewildered look on his face. His presence - and voice, for that matter - seem to shatter the spell induced around you, and a few nobles break their attention away from the dancing newlyweds to scowl at you two.

"Hey, where're you going? I've been looking all over for you," he says, shoulders heaving with the gasps of air he's taking in from running. The last you saw him, he was sitting beside you at the ceremony, holding your hand tightly in his and rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of your hand for encouragement and giving you tiny squeezes every now and then, while you held his hand lamely and gave him weak smiles every time he looked over at you with sadness in his eyes. He gave you the strongest and longest squeeze when Liam kissed Madeleine on the lips for the first time, officially declaring them man and wife. Since then, you felt like you needed some space, since a usually-cheery Maxwell giving you all these pitying looks was too much for you to handle, so you tried avoiding him as much as possible, along with all your other friends.

You smile a sad smile. "I'm just going out for some fresh air, Maxwell. I'm fine, I promise."

Maxwell pouts, his deep blue eyes darkening dolefully. It pains you to see him like this because he's worried about you. Where's the Maxwell you know and love, remaining optimistic and bubbly in any situation? It definitely would've made you feel at least a little better to see that his mood hasn't changed, but now he's much too preoccupied with concern for you to even bother with his mischief, intentional or not. "But you're not fine. You're my best friend, I know when you're not fine. Drake, Hana, me, and even Olivia - we're really worried about you. At least let me keep you company."

You sigh impatiently. "I don't need you all worrying about me. I'm fine. I just want to be alone right now."

Maxwell sighs in return. He knows better than to argue with his little blossom, especially considering how scary you could get when you get angry. Of course, you’ve never once directed your anger at him, but he didn't want to keep pushing your buttons and find out what it would be like on the receiving end of it. So he concedes - if only a little.

"Okay. I'll let you go... on one condition." His lips split into a wily grin. You roll your eyes, cursing whatever it is you said about missing his mischief, because there’s a time and a place for that, and this is definitely not either of the two. Even so, you cross your arms, knowing there's no way you can stubborn your way out of this one.

At this point in time, Liam and Madeleine have separated from each other completely with a mutual curtsy as their dance and the music comes to an end, and the nobles circled around them begin to clap and cheer.

In the midst of the applauding nobles, Maxwell says, "If you're really fine.." he holds a hand out to you, the corners of his mouth turned up in a full-fledged smile that reaches his once-again bright eyes, "you'll dance with me."

You start to turn around exasperatedly. "Maxwell, I don't have time for this -"

Before you can turn around completely, Maxwell has already grabbed your hand, pulling you back around slightly to face him. "Come on, it'll be fun! Don't you remember how fun it was practicing it together? We can show Liam and Madeleine how the Cordonian Waltz is really done."

You sigh and avert your eyes from his expectant ones. Despite Bertrand's ever-growing list of complaints and critiques about your footwork as he observed you both, you did have a lot of fun dancing with Maxwell; he was an amazing dancer and an even better partner, always encouraging you and patiently guiding you every step of the way, literally. And he always managed to make it fun, what with his goofy faces and terrible puns - that is, until Bertrand would reprimand him to stop and ‘train his face’ so he would regard you stoically, as is customary with the dance - or at least Bertrand thinks so.

By the time you've mastered it enough to do it for fun, it felt as though some of his talent and confidence rubbed off on you, and you were more than grateful to him for being such a great teacher. Perhaps, in a way, this would be paying him back.

Against your better judgement, you sigh again and cave to his demands. He cheers and pulls you to the dance floor without missing a beat, barreling through and knocking your body against clusters of several nobles and evoking annoyed outbursts in the process.

Luckily, the two of you have reached the dance floor by the time the next song begins, all angry nobles aside. You recognize it as a pop song you’ve heard back in America a few years ago - perhaps it was selected for its time signature, perfect for waltzing. It’s quite a strange selection when you consider the people involved, especially since this is a royal ceremony, but the fact that you recognize it will make it easier for you to get comfortable, so you won’t be tempted to look over at Liam and Madeleine every two seconds.

Maxwell smiles down at you and pulls you in closer to him, one of his hands acting as a gentle presence on the small of your back, while you lace one of your hands in his opposite hand and place your other hand on his back just under his arm. The good thing about this dance is that there’s no Bertrand here to nitpick every move you make - you’re not the only ones on the dance floor, nor are you the focus of the dance itself, so you don’t have to worry about ‘performing’. Like Maxwell told you, it’d be fun. You take a deep breath and surrender under his gentle hold, allowing him and the music to take you away and lead you into the first move, the box step.

I’d never gone with the wind Just let it flow Let it take me where it wants to go ‘Till you open the door There’s so much more I’ve never seen it before

You feel Maxwell’s hand applying a gentle pressure on the inside of your palm, and thanks to your various lessons, it automatically registers in your head to begin to move backwards, so you do, and he follows your lead. Throughout all your lessons, though, you’ve never once noticed how soft and warm his hand feels against yours. It had simply never occurred to you - it was like a new feeling entirely. You squeeze his hand and look up at him through your eyelashes shyly, and he responds with a smile, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “You look wonderful tonight."

You giggle and feel heat rushing up to your cheeks from the compliment. You’re more than used to getting compliments from Maxwell, but somehow, this one was different. More.. intimate. “Thank you,” you say bashfully in return.

I was trying to fly, but I couldn’t find wings But you came along and you changed everything.

You lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around You make me crazier, crazier.

As these lyrics play, he quite literally leads you into a spin on your tippy-toes that could dizzy anyone, but you’ve trained for this; you’re accustomed to the dizziness by now, and you know to focus on something stationary to ground yourself, so you pick Maxwell. You feel yourself being lifted off the ground in accordance with the lyrics, and squeal with glee because nobody's stopping you, not even the guests dancing around you, and because Maxwell's never done this during your lessons, lest he get a tongue-lashing from Bertrand. But he doesn't have to worry about him now. It's all about you both, and it isn't at the same time. His bright eyes capture yours as you're giggling and squealing and it's as if you're weightless, soaring through the air, free as a bird - you never knew Maxwell was this strong. But the moment is short lived, because he unceremoniously plops you back down on the ground, winded. Looks like he isn't that strong after all.

Feels like I'm falling and I I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier, crazier.

Maxwell blows a tuft of hair out of his face and smiles at you sheepishly. "Sorry," he says, quickly taking you in his arms again and leading you into the next move, a slower twirl. You can't help but chuckle and shake your head, saying, "It's okay. I was gonna tell you that I didn't know you were packing so much heat under that button-down, but I guess I stand corrected." Maxwell chuckles bashfully in return, leading you back into the box step.

I watched from a distance as you Made life your own Every sky was your own kind of blue And I wanted to know How that would feel And you made it so real. You showed me something that I couldn't see You opened my eyes and you made me believe.

As the chorus repeats, Maxwell begins to spin you again, but knows better now than to bite off more than he can chew and lift you this time. But lo and behold, you focus your gaze on Liam and Madeleine as you spin, and it's like something's knocked the breath out of you as soon as you see how close they are now. You hate yourself for feeling this way. You know what they have is not, and never will be, real. So why does it bother you so much? You suppose it's because they got their happy ending and you didn't, and it just isn't fair. Watching them for so long makes you lose your footing, so you collapse into Maxwell's arms, dizzy. Luckily, he's quick enough to catch you.

"Hey, hey," he says, rubbing your back and tilting you forward so you can stand on your two feet again, "I've got you." But you don't budge. You keep yourself splayed against his chest, burrowing your head deep enough that you can hear his heartbeat, whose rhythm is slowly but surely picking up.

"W-what's wrong?" He babbles, obviously flustered, but making no move to remove you from his chest. He doesn't wait for an answer, though - all he has to do is look beyond you to see Liam and Madeleine, and he knows. He sets his jaw in consternation.

"I just... wish I never put so much faith in fairytale endings,” you say, your voice muffled from speaking against his chest. “I should've known they could never happen to someone like me."

"What do you mean?" Maxwell questions, sounding genuinely oblivious.

Baby, you showed me what living is for. I don't wanna hide anymore.

You pull yourself away from his chest to face him, tears brimming in your eyes and your voice shaking like a leaf. "Don't you get it, Max? I'm nothing special. I'm just some nobody waitress who grew up in some nobody town. I don't know anything about royalty or being royal beyond Disney movies and Henry VIII's wives. I don't have a title or fortune to my name, and because of that, I lost out on my happy ending. I'm starting to wonder why I even thought I could ever get it in the first place."

Maxwell's face begins to become more sorrowful. "Hey, don't say that -"

You cut him off. "Don't say what? The truth? You said Bertrand had faith in me, but I know he's always seen me as the nobody I've always been, and always will be. So does everyone else in this God forsaken country. They don't think I deserve a happy ending, and it's time I realize that they're ri-"

And just then, as the chorus plays one last time, you feel Maxwell's hands on your cheeks, pulling your face to his and pressing his lips feverishly to yours. You're rendered momentarily immobilized by this gesture, powerless to do anything but close your eyes and relish how soft his lips feel meshing against yours.

But just as suddenly as it started, it ends the same way. Maxwell yanks himself away from you, looking completely startled. You can still feel him lingering on your lips. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I’m such a screw-up, I’m sorry, I-“

“Maxwell,” you cut him off abruptly, reaching up slightly to brush his cheek and to turn his head a little to face you, his longing eyes holding the image of a rolling sea under the moonlight. “It’s okay.”

He uses his thumb to rub away a dried stream of tears from your cheek. “I just can’t stand hearing you talk like that. I think you’re amazing, and you’re the strongest person I know. I’m really sorry you had to go through this tonight, but I know your happy ending is out there waiting for you to find it. That’s a promise.”

As the song comes to an end, you let go of him, offer him a mutual curtsy, and a “M’lord” and “Milady” exchange, but when he looks up, he does not meet your eyes.

“So. A deal’s a deal,” he says flatly.

“What do you mean?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I said I’d leave you alone if you danced with me, and you did. So if you need me, I’ll be on the rooftop.” He doesn’t even give you a chance to respond - he just pivots on his feet and eases his way through the crowd, towards the elegant spiral staircase to the rooftop. It doesn’t take you too long to lose sight of him completely.

With that, you’re left feeling lost and completely confused, and that damn tingly feeling still on your lips. What kind of guy kisses you like that and exalts you to the moon, only to leave you so abruptly? Sure, a deal was a deal, but you never would’ve expected him to actually leave you alone after something like that - especially not Maxwell. What the hell is up with him?

Meanwhile, out of the corner of your eye, you see two people seemingly fighting over a microphone - or, rather, one person is pushing the microphone in someone’s face, while the other is pushing it away from their face. When you walk towards them to get a closer look, you see that it’s Drake and the wedding officiator, probably fighting over the best man’s speech.

“Look,” you hear Drake say, “If you think I’m going to put on a show and say some bottom of my heart nonsense about that viper, you’re out of your damn mind, friend. I’m only doing this for Liam, so I’ll only acknowledge Liam, got it?”

The officiator shakes his head and shoves an index card in Drake’s face, most likely listing what it is he should say to the royal couple. Drake responds with, “And how am I supposed to wish them ‘fertility and prosperity’? She probably lays eggs.“

At this point, the officiator has given up, throwing the card aside and muttering something about commoners as he walks away. Now that he’s out of eyeshot, Drake, currently nursing a glass of whiskey, spots you and waves you over, so you take a seat beside him.

“What’s up, New York?" he says to you, sliding you a glass of champagne with one hand as his opposite arm is slung around the crest rail of the chair. "Haven’t seen you since the ceremony.”

“Oh, you know,” you say, shrugging and looking dejectedly into the glass, “I’ve been here and there.”

He lowers his head a little to look into your eyes. “You holding up okay? I realize how hard this must be on you.”

You keep your eyes trained on the bubbles in the honey-colored liquid as they drift to the surface. “I’m fine. Just confused, is all.”

“About?”

Finally, you turn to face him, wrapping your fingers around the stem of the glass.“Well… say you were in my situation. How would you feel if your best friend just kinda kissed you after you were whining about never getting a happy ending just to get you to shut up because he thinks the world of you, apparently, and then just runs away?”

Drake raises his eyebrows, his eyes widening almost comically. “Wait.. don’t tell me this is about Maxwell.”

“The one and only," you say into your glass as you take a sip.

He mirrors you and takes a sip of his whiskey, still looking surprised. Then he chuckles. “Jeez. That’s definitely something. Never knew he had it in him.”

“What do you mean?” you ask warily, setting the glass down.

“Well, to me, it sounds a lot like Maxwell’s holding a torch for you, but doesn’t know how to deal with it. Explains why he kissed you so out of the blue like that, and then left you so easily. He might’ve been embarrassed or afraid he’d come on too strong, especially after all that’s happened to you. This might be his way of giving you time to breathe, out of character as it is for him.”

You furrow your eyebrows pensively and stare at your glass again. Maxwell? Holding a torch for you? That couldn't be right. He's acted as nothing but a good friend to you all this time, always there when you needed him. In fact, he was always the first one there when you needed him. When you left for your flight back to New York after the Coronation, he was the first one at the airport - along with Bertrand, of course. But you remembered what he said to you as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders; "We could never forget about you! We came here as soon as we could." It was so like all the other encouraging things he's said to you, yet so.. distinct at the same time. It was exactly what you needed to hear.

After a while, you realize you've drifted off. Drake waves a hand in front of your face. "Earth to New York, do you read me?" he asks in a deadpan tone. You shake your head and blink a few times, apologizing.

"So now that you've had some time to breathe and reflect.. allow me to pick your brain. How do you feel about all that's happened?" he says, crossing his arms. It's now that you realize that Drake could be an excellent therapist.

You shrug noncommittally. "It's.. really strange, actually. I'm.. picking up on little things that happened throughout our relationship." You then go on to list the various sprinkles of things that you've discounted before, like when you danced with him and told him there was no place you'd rather be, and he said you shouldn't talk like that, because you're here to become queen on behalf of House Beaumont. You tell Drake how great of a friend Maxwell has been to you, always there to pick you up when you're down, and how he's always been your number one cheerleader, no matter what. Liam might've wanted to be there for you after the events of the Coronation, but the fact of the matter is that he wasn't. You didn't resent him for it, but his intentions didn't make you feel any less alone or hurt. At least you found solace in the fact that Maxwell was there for you, if no one else.

You also tell Drake about how Adelaide told you two how cute you looked together, and you joked around saying you did, while he got flustered, but played along anyway. Then, when Penelope was looking for a bachelor, she wondered if she and Maxwell would make a good match, but you tell Drake that you disagreed and listed qualities of someone you thought was his type, and how her saying, 'Someone like you?' really caught you off guard. It wasn't what you meant to insinuate at all, but when you thought back on it.. perhaps those qualities did sound a bit like you.

And then.. there was the camping trip. You regale Drake on all that happened inside the tent with Maxwell - how you tackled him and how nice hugging him felt and how you suggested you cuddle to keep the ghosts away. You may not have been afraid of any ghosts like he was, but you still felt safe there with him.

Finally, you tell Drake how you felt something while you danced with Maxwell tonight. Something was different from all the times you've danced with him before. Perhaps it was the way he complimented you - sure, he always compliments you, but something about it felt different this time. It seems to have touched you in a different way.

You don't understand why it took you this long to figure out, but maybe there really is something between you both. Perhaps it was all the crazy things happening at court and you being too focused on trying to clear your name and secure your rightful happy ending to pick up on all of this, but now you know you have to tell Maxwell.. something.

All the while, Drake nods intently, taking sips of his whiskey. "Well, wherever he is, I'm sure he's waiting for you, so..."

You smile and reach over the seat to wrap your arms around Drake's shoulder in a sort of awkward, yet tight, hug. He's stiff against you at first, most likely taken aback by the randomness of the gesture, but he embraces you back after a while. "Thanks, Drake. I won't forget this."

"Heh. As if I'd let you," he says as you get up and wave at him from over your shoulder, heading towards the elegant spiral staircase that leads out to the rooftop.

The rooftop offers a gorgeous, expansive view of Cordonia. Cute little townhomes dot the hills with their lively light. Crickets chirp above the light hum of the music downstairs, and you catch sight of Maxwell standing at the railing, looking out at the deep purple night sky. It shimmers with stars, a quite unusual appearance in a region polluted with light, but beautiful nonetheless.

You walk towards him and place your elbows on the railing, joining him as you gaze out at the full moon. If he notices your presence, he makes no indication.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" You say suddenly. Maxwell jerks away from you with a yelp, startled. Looks like he really didn't expect to see you here.

"Sorry, sorry," you say with a light chuckle, remembering how jumpy he could get.

"It's okay. But, yeah.. it really is." You would think he's referring to the sky as he says this, but instead, he's looking over at you with this longing in his eyes, taking you in as if for the first time. You notice his Adam's apple bobbing.

Before you can open your mouth to say anything, he begins to speak. "Look, I just wanted to apologize. For everything. I know I'm a screw-up, and I only made your situation worse by kissing you after all that's happened. I just.. didn't want to keep hearing you talk about happy endings you won't ever get when it's not true."

He pauses to shut his eyes and take a deep breath, then starts again. "I don't know how it happened, but somewhere down the line, I fell for you. I kept it to myself because I didn't want anything getting in the way of you getting the crown... especially not me. I never would've been able to forgive myself. But now that that's gone.. that just leaves us. I know I don't have everything. I can't give you that fairytale ending. But I want to at least give you a happy one... if you'll let me."

"Maxwell.." you breathe.

He keeps going. "If not, that's okay, too. I know you must want some time to yourself after all this. You can take all the time you need. But, again, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for confusing you. I'm sorry for being a screw-up. I'm sorry -"

You decide to rudely interrupt Maxwell's pity party with a kiss equally as sudden and passionate as the one he's given you just moments before, cupping his cheeks. Once you trace your tongue along his lower lip, it doesn't take him long to relent at all. You feel his arms encircling your waist as the kiss deepens, and the brisk evening wind is completely nullified with the warmth of his body against yours.

"Stop apologizing. You promised me I'd find my happy ending, and now I’m realizing that it's been disguised as my best friend all along," you say once you pull away, your hands resting on the nape of his neck. You lean in for another kiss, but he places his hands on yours, stopping you.

"What is it?" You ask.

His cheeks are pink and his eyes are bugged out in his traditional flustered expression. Never in your life have you ever seen anything more adorable. "Well, I just.. uhhh.. was wondering if this means you.. like me, like me," he stammers.

"Depends. Does this mean you like me, like me?" You tease.

"It does," he says without a moment's hesitation, smiling as though he's won the lottery.

"So there's your answer, silly," you say, loping your fingers through his hair and pulling him in for another kiss.

#maxwell x mc #trr #the royal romance #maxwell beaumont #playchoices

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not-so-cliche-girl · 6 years ago

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Sick to my stomach

Usually with a title like that you'd assume someone did really me wrong. But it's me, all of it. I make me sick to my own stomach

I'm garbage

I hate who I am but refuse change

I give people shit for being scared of things like height and water and being spontaneous

But I'm fucking terrified of commitment I want no part of it which is hard if you want a family.

I dont want to feel stuck, I dont want to get a divorce I'm so fucking terrified of making things legal and not being able to leave without battling it out in a court system that's always been faulty.

I've seen people fall out of love more times than I can count, it's all I fucking know. It feels like I'm committing a crime when I cant reciprocate the feelings someone give me

I feel guilty for something I can't control and that's how I've felt forever and it lead to me staying in very toxic relationships and I still haven't learned my lesson.

My mom and dad never married and still split.

My mom and step dad divorced and cause me the most heartache that I've ever felt. It hurt more than being thrown down stairs by the same man. It hurt more than getting kicked out in the dead of winter. It hurt more than the countless times they overlooked my tears and proved over and over again that I dont matter let alone my emotions.

My grandma and grandpa divorce cause he was addicted to probably more drugs than I was told about and laid his hands on my grandmother and aunt

My grandma and grandpa on my stepdad side divorced. He just didnt love her anymore. I saw her break. I saw her life crumble. I saw her fall to pieces and lay there begging for help to stand up, or even fucking breathe.

My god moms partner doesnt love her and is only there because she supports him. He wants to leave, I mean who wouldn't want to leave a wonderful woman who turned alcoholic.

I hear more about failed marriages than ones that last and half the time the people who last are at each others throat everyday

My friend once told me his grandparents were together for 70 years and one time to resist from raising his hand at his wife, his grandfather jumped out of a vehicle.

Why Is that something I want to have?

People are the most unreliable creatures and objects on this planet.

We are late and moody and we live lifestyle assuming that's what's expected of us

We have to have social life and jobs and homes and partners and kids and animals and cars and go to college.

But we change our minds in the moment more than we realize.

My little sister shared with me that since she was 4 years old her favorite color had changed from purple to pink to blue to green to red to orange to yellow to black and back to purple.

I cant even tell you my favorite song or movie or hobby or moment how can I choose a person to be my forever when i cant even tell you my favorite food.

I'm indescive and spontaneous and I live in the moment way too much for my own good.

I think everyone deserves to Express every emotion we have if I'm sad I want to tell you if I'm mad I want to scream if I'm sleepy I will nap if I feel butterflies I want them to be acknowledged and I think that is fair..

I'm curious, probably worse than the cat we here about or any child with any imagination.

I'm curious about people and how they think and live and feel and smell and tastes and kiss and smile and drive and sleep and if they snore if they have dreams if they like country music or sappy romance movies. Can they sleep without a blanket? Do they hate socks as much as I do? Do they have demons that keep them awake...if so what are they? Do they smile at the faces I make? Will they stick around?

This is my mind and heart and feelings. I cant change then and I wont. I want to continue living my life in the moment cause I love that about myself. It's one of my best qualities and I know it leads to things that i "should not do or cant do or that hurts or that is shitty" but I'm a human who is only in charge of myself and I want to trust my gut in every situation and follow through with everything I feel like I need to do.

This isnt an excuse to kiss people.

It can be anything from hanging out with someone to running through a fountain to going back to school.

I want to kill my curiosity rather than letting it kill me.

I want to experience every emotion and everything that sparks my interest

I want to love people of al kinds in all different ways.

I want to be loved by people in all kinds of different ways.

I want to experience the uniqueness of every single person

I dont want to feel like I cannot grant myself the satisfaction of following through with an emotion i feel or sharing then with someone else

I wish you could understand it through my eyes. Nothing I've ever done is to hurt you or to go behind your back or to hurt you and I do apologize for the things that did.

Those things wernt about you they were about me.

Those are my selfish moments(or at least some of them)

I'm sorry for what I've done. I'm sorry you feel for me. I'm sorry I told you time and time again I was a bad idea. I'm sorry I love you. I'm sorry I can't commit in the way you'd like me to. I'm sorry I dont talk to you beacause I have tried to talk about wanting an open relationship and how platonic I am before and those are two big things that are super important to me. But this proved that me opening up about these things doesnt work.

I'm sorry

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ourcollectivefantasy · 7 years ago

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Reflections in Front of a Mirror

With the threat of sandstorm past, the merchants and vendors of Mar'at were making up for lost market time, letting their stalls remain open well past twilight. Only now that the last glow of sunlight had sunk behind the hills in the west did they pack up their merchandise and roll up their awnings. The same gusts of ocean wind that had blown the sands away from the port blew the lingering scents of cumin, cinnamon, sweet treats and savory meats through the open windows, along with the rise and fall of flute and drum music played by opportunistic buskers. That breeze also made the lamplight flicker and dance with every aromatic gust. By the light of those oil lamps I washed away the streaks and puffiness that completely messed up my complexion. I was never an attractive weeper, and the hot salty tears tended to make my pale skin all swollen and splotchy. And that was just one reason I absolutely hated crying, especially in front of others.

Emotions are incredibly irritating. Particularly when they manifest based on biased perceptions and flawed conclusions. People are less inclined to respect emotional leaders, as they tend to be unpredictable. People are far more comfortable with leaders who maintain control and present clear and consistent expectations. For that reason, the most annoying emotions, in my opinion, are the ones that you cannot control. Unfortunately, that list includes all of them. And when a woman weeps due to her emotional state, the natural response tends to be concern, comfort, and most of all, an attempt to step in and fix things. Observation has shown me that this subconsciously subverts any authority a woman may possess, putting her almost on the same level as a child with a skinned knee. Certainly some women are capable of weaponizing that instinct to inspire others to act on their behalf, but that isn't my way. I want to be a leader who is respected and seen as strong - not vulnerable and in need of a bandage and kiss for my boo-boo. Perhaps we could find a way to relieve some of my emotions. Perhaps it would also alleviate some of his need to punish himself... Yeh t'ink I chose ta be t'is way, dont yeh? Tha I've decided ta jest punish meself an if yeh yell at me long enough, I'll see t'e logic and change me ways? ... Or perhaps I will just enjoy watching him bleed a little, I told myself with a flash of ironically self-directed anger as I remembered his realization earlier and how annoyingly accurate it was. One would think that I, a healer, would know better than to operate under the fallacy that a mentally ill person could simply "stop it," but there it was, he'd been right. I really had been hoping he'd see the logic and just decide to stop acting that way. "I'm an idiot," I muttered to myself. It was probably the first time I'd ever called myself that, but to be fair, I really deserved it this time. It was probably best that we got the tears out of the way right at the start of our weekend, so they don't linger in the silent spaces between us. As Iloam observed, we've been off on our own worlds, and it isn't good for either of us. It would have been a shame to spoil the first holiday we've taken in over a year, and now I can proceed appropriately. Together we're an unstoppable force, but when we're apart... the discord seems to make everything off balance. I certainly couldn't enjoy Uldum with that kind of discord lingering over us, and I doubt Iloam could as well. Not that things are resolved; just... addressed. And although I do hate weeping, even in front of Iloam, it probably was inevitable, thanks to emotions. He had gone down to soak in the baths while I put myself to rights again. He knew I needed a bit of time to settle down and readjust after such an emotional outburst, and I was grateful that he knew exactly how long I needed comfort, and exactly when it was time to give me my own space for a bit. After washing my face, I gently rubbed soothing oil over my cheeks that would lessen the redness. The mirror I gazed into was set in intricately carved wood that was gilded with fine sheets of gold, each curve and edge glimmering in the dancing lamplight. Like so much of the craftsmanship of the tol'vir, it displays an unthinkable amount of time and effort taken to make certain the design was just perfect. Were the less perfect examples discarded like garbage? Did the tol'vir toss out their works if a knife slipped or a stray flick of a paintbrush? Perhaps they merely adapted any mistakes into the design, making a new design, more complex and beautiful. The reflection in the mirror quirked her lips up slightly in one corner, amused at the metaphor. Dabbing perfume at the base of my throat, I set the bottles aside and rose to my feet, looking over myself, mentally examining the complex web of thoughts that included my appearance, my own emotional issues, Iloam's addiction, the distance between us, and whether to deal with that presently or after our holiday. Almost immediately the thought solidified: deal with it after. If there is to be serious discussion of matters, they should be done when we're on equal ground, with equal voices. But here, in Mar'at, I am Queen. "What does it mean to be Queen?" I asked myself, still looking in the mirror. So our issues would remain unaddressed for the moment, but the emotions - my anger - would not be brushed aside. Perhaps that was a question I should have asked Iloam earlier; perhaps I will ask it later this weekend. It would be intriguing to see how he answers. I decided suddenly that I wanted him on his knees when he answered. That I wanted him tied, and blindfolded... and distracted. My reflection grinned back at me before I turned to go to our toy chest to find the Coiling Serpent.

#rp blog #my writing #aelberyn #mar'at #holiday #sociopaths make difficult relationships #control freaks aren't easy either #angry priestess

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hakuteeth · 7 years ago

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Here it is my top albums of 2017!!! (dont drag me lmao)

Kesha - Rainbow // She made a comeback and she deserves that grammy nomination Kesha really delivered and I will find myself listening to this album years down the line a perfect mix of country and pop but it never feels gimmicky and I absolutely adore everything she did with this project it felt cathartic and Fun and that should be what pop is all about

fave tracks - rainbow, bastards, woman, hunt you down, let’em talk, old flames, godzilla

Paramore - After Laughter // she was robbed!!!!! after laughter is pure genius definitely one of the best pop albums released this year and i cant believe its not being recognized more I had this album on repeat the entire summer and it will probably come back next summer like the clash between the music and the lyrics is so well done like ur dancing thru the pain its just wonderfully put together and i absolutely love that paramore took this risk

fave tracks - rose colored boy, hard times, forgiveness, caught in the middle, idle worship, tell me how

Harry Styles - Harry Styles // honestly as I watched harrys music progress it’s so amazing to see him put out one of the best albums of 2017 sign of the times arguably one of the best singles of 2017 I love the risks he took in an era of trap beats and auto-tuned vocals he really made an album that stood out and I feel like he’s only just tapping into his potential and I can’t wait to see what he releases next harry styles the album definitely makes a promise

fave tracks - woman, sign of the times, only angel, from the dining table, sweet creature

Lorde - Melodrama // i couldnt think of a better way to follow up pure heroine like its hauntingly beautiful and yet so polished?? you really go on this journey with lorde and i love the production and instrumentals it’s so solid and comes across as painful but beautiful at the same time its definitely one of those albums u have to give more listens to truly appreciate the magic lorde has bestowed upon us

fave tracks - hard feelings / loveless, liability, sober, the louvre, perfect places, supercut

St. Vincent - Masseduction // I’m a little bit familiar with Annie Clark’s past work so I knew going into this album it would be good but I truly had no idea like I only spent maybe a day with it and I already know it’s amazing it’s one of those pop albums that truly follow it’s own beat and I think a lot of pop artists could learn from this album that mediocre shouldn’t cut it push the envelope Be Original!! I bet once I spend more time with this album it could definitely place higher

fave tracks - pills, savior, sugarboy, los ageless, slow disco, young lover

Demi Lovato - Tell Me You Love Me // Demi really blew me away like it’s one thing to know somebody can sing but it’s a whole nother thing to hear it on an album that is just raw and powerful she truly lays it all out the good and the bad and puts it into something familiar yet impactful all the same making that seamless transition into contemporary adult this is definitely one of those albums that I’ve grown to appreciate more and especially after viewing her documentary it took Demi a long time to get here but I’m happy for her and I love watching her succeed and this album feels like a success

fave tracks - cry baby, concentrate, you don’t do it for me anymore, sexy dirty love, tell me you love me

MUNA - About U // This is my niche I’m ecstatic muna as a band exists let alone that their music is actually good It reminds me of an older 80′s sound but yet feels like the future of pop at the same time and the blending of those sounds makes an album that you can dance to but also holds deeper meanings within another one that I feel I need to explore deeply to truly appreciate it but it does nestle comfortably amongst my top 9 list

fave tracks - around u, i know a place, crying on the bathroom floor, after, loudspeaker, winterbreak

Crack-Up - Fleet Foxes // I’m a sucker for fleet foxes so obviously I’m gonna put their newest (holy shit) album in my top 9 list. I just don’t know where to begin with this album it’s just so.... complex... it’s something that is more of an experience then an album and it’s ranked kinda low cause I have only listened to it all the way thru a couple times but every time I do I’m just transferred to another place and I have no clue how I got there it’s definitely something I would recommend with headphones and to just close your eyes without any distractions there’s just something there I haven’t been able to shake since the first listen

fave tracks - kept woman, third of may, cassius, if you need to keep time on me, on another day, naiads cassadies

Taylor Swift - Reputation // I can feel you judging me thru the screen however I can appreciate a good messy bitch moment and that’s taylor in 2017 in a nutshell she lost her goddamn mind with this album (she has a future feature... FUTURE) she created controversy and I do indeed love to hate her and if this is Her Brand now... I can appreciate it she’s always been a good businesswoman and if she wants to sell flaming garbage and a sinking ship then I’m honestly all ears in my opinion if she’s playing the game then well... she won this round

fave tracks - ready for it, i did something bad, don’t blame me, this is why we can’t have nice things, delicate, so it goes

#apologies to mobile users #i live for the drama #anyways I can give a runner up list but I know #yall will drag me for including taylor swift in this already fdjslkfdjsafldj

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