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thorne93 · 4 years ago

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The Softest Fire (Part 19)

Prompt: Rosaline Vaughan had it all: fame, money, power, glory, a high status job. Until, one day, she woke up, and realized something was missing from her life.

Word Count: 5018

Warnings: trauma/ptsd

Notes: First Fantastic Beast fic! I could NOT have done this at all without @arrow-guy. They have created a counterpart to this fic, writing it from Nora Vaughan’s perspective (Rosaline’s cousin/adopted sister). Fic aesthetic done by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo.

Nora and I got ready together like old times. Sharing a vanity, laughing and falling all over each other as loud music played in the room. I let my hair fall down in nice finger waves over one side of my face. I wore striking makeup of a stark black liner and deep dark red lips. My dress was adorned with sparkles, colored in plum that went all the way to the floor. Matte stripes pulled upward, flattering my curves perfectly. The straps were medium sized, highlighting my delicate perfectly rounded shoulders. I had dark silver silk gloves coming all the way up to my biceps, matching my sterling silver necklaces and earrings.

By the time Nora and I were done, we looked like movie stars.

An hour before the ceremony, a knock came to Nora’s front door. I told her I would answer it while she put on her finishing touches. I raced down the stairs and pulled open the door.

“It’s about time you men got--”

When I opened the door, my eyes fell on two dashing men. Theseus stood tall in an eye catching tuxedo.

“Theseus, you look absolutely incredible,” I gushed.

“You’re looking sparkly as ever, Rosaline,” he complimented.

“Well thank you.”

Once he stepped inside, I could properly stare at Newt who wore a black tuxedo. His hair was gelled and styled to lay on the side, rather than wild as usual.

“Newt, you… A tux?” I questioned, a curious smile growing on my face.

“I know it’s not my usual style but Theseus insisted I treat myself to something.”

“I think you look wonderful. It really suits you.”

“You think so?” he asked, a bit bashful.

I took my gloved hand and lifted his chin.

“Hey, I know so. You have no reason to feel insecure.”

He nodded his head and as he did so, his gaze fell onto my body.

“Rosaline… You… The dre-dress. You’re… uh…” he stammered, unable to find the words.

“Do you like it?” I tried, hoping that would help him.

He bobbed his head eagerly. “Yes, very much. It brings out your eyes. It reminds me of the scales on an occamy.”

“But an occamy is blue,” I retorted.

“But their scales are shiny, brilliant hues and you, when I look at you…” His eyes softened on my form and I couldn’t help but blush.

“Yes?” I prompted.

“I see the beauty of nature reflected in you,” he finally finished, bringing his gaze back up to mine. Our eyes held the gaze for a long moment and I could feel myself being pulled to him before suddenly I heard Nora’s voice right behind us on the stairs.

“Well why else would I wear a dress, Theseus?” she quipped rhetorically.

I whipped around to face them and Theseus was ahead of Nora, smirking.

“Are we ready to go?” Nora questioned and all of us nodded. We linked arms and apparated to the wedding venue.

Weddings always astounded me, from their sheer beauty to the romance. This one was no exception. A dark stone mansion stood sheathed in ivy scaling its walls, even appearing to grow inside. Round balconies jutted out from all sides and levels of the building. The four of us walked up to a man checking names on a list. We handed him our invitations and he bowed his head while wishing us a good time.

We found our way to an exquisite hall that was made to look more like the outdoors than in. Moss covered the ground, flowered bloomed around chairs, pillars, and tables, ivy crawled up the walls.

“Quite the naturist isn’t she?” I wondered aloud.

“Mmm, yes,” Theseus responded, his eyes going over everything.

We had over half an hour before the ceremony so we mingled a bit with other guests. When time grew near the ceremony to start, we took our seats and began to talk amongst ourselves. Before long Jeanette made her way down the aisle in a stunning white dress. Not one I would’ve picked but for her, it seemed absolutely perfect.

As I watched them take their vows a sudden pang hit my heart. A pang that reminded me I would probably never have that, and the closest I got to it was with a lying murderer who tricked me. My eyes stole a glance at Newt who was staring forward.

What I wouldn’t give to turn back the clock, to go back even as far back as Hogwarts. I would’ve asked him out then. I would’ve talked to Leta, perhaps become her friend and convinced her to do the right thing. I would’ve helped Newt with his creatures instead of years in a cold, unwavering environment.

But I didn’t have a time turner, even if I did it wouldn’t be enough for me to right the wrongs I’d done to so many people. I thought I was protecting myself by not letting myself get close to anyone, but I was being selfish.

I should’ve been more like Nora, where no one is a stranger, and everyone loves her. But I couldn’t imagine living through the pain of losing a loved one again. I thought it would be easier if I never got close to anyone, but it turns out, it was a lot harder to stay isolated.

I guess being a frigid witch helped in that department.

I wasn’t warm because I didn’t want people to underestimate me. I wasn’t overtly kind because I didn’t want people to take advantage of me. I didn’t show or share my emotions because they could be used against me. I wasn’t friendly because I saw what friendship did to Newt and Leta and countless others growing up. It’s all heartache waiting to happen.

But as I watched these two people fall madly in love again at the altar, I couldn’t help but think that all the pain, the strife, the heartache, is worth it, just to have people in your life you can count on. People who will be there for your bad days and your good. People who will lift you up when you’ve fallen, and stand beside you proudly as you win.

People like... well people like I knew. Theseus didn’t have to let me have a room at the Ministry. Hell, they could’ve thrown me into Azkaban and threw away the key. Nora didn’t have to hunt me down. Dumbledore didn’t have to help undo the curse on me, or alert Nora, he could’ve easily gone to the Ministry and had me arrested. Newt didn’t have to forgive me or be so kind to me after all I had put him through.

Which made me realize just how truly he must love me. I knew Tina was still around, still waiting for him, and yet, he chose me, even without me saying I chose him. He didn’t choose Tina for a consolation prize or to replace me. He held out, he wasn’t with her, because he didn’t love her.

He’s a truly remarkable man, much like his brother, and I almost squandered it away. Most women would kill for a man as loyal, kind, brave, and smart as him. I only prayed that one day I could earn enough of his love to perhaps stand at an altar with him.

He must’ve caught my staring because he turned to me and squeezed my hand with a smile. I returned the gesture.

“What is it?” he whispered with a bemused look on his face.

“You’re just absolutely wonderful, that’s all,” I breathed.

His gaze dropped as a slight laugh escaped him.

The ceremony wrapped up and the bride and groom escaped to an unknown location while the guests were dismissed to the reception.

“That was lovely,” I remarked as we walked along.

“It was rather pretty. Were you tearing up, cousin?” Nora teased with an elbow nudge.

I merely laughed, dropping my head to nod.

“Shall we make our way to our seats to eat?” Theseus asked.

“Yes, please. I’m famished,” Newt all but begged, making me laugh as I put my arm around him.

We walked through the amazing building out into a garden in the back that had a gazebo. Flowers were blooming and blossoming everywhere, greenery of all kind covered the ground and flowerbeds, save for a dance floor under a tent.

The meal was served, along with watching the couple dance their first dance, then when it was done, guests were welcomed onto the dance floor.

Newt turned to me. “Rosaline, would you care to dance?”

For a split second, I wasn’t sure. I wanted to, of course, but it worried me. Finally, I said, “I would love to.”

I took his hand and right behind us Theseus and Nora followed. We joined about fifteen other couples on the dance floor. The music was soft, slow, the perfect kind to just sway to. Newt took me in his arms and we began dancing little circles as I watched my cousin.

They were awfully close. Theseus planted a soft kiss on Nora’s head just as she rested her head on his shoulder and they swayed. At another point, he kissed her cheek and she lit up like a Christmas tree.

Newt looked at me and I gestured with my chin towards the two of them. “How long has that been going on?”

“A couple months, maybe? It's hard to tell, they've been spending so much time together it's all blurred together for me.”

I nodded, falling silent. I’d missed quite a lot in my absence. Those two were dating, Newt hired a replacement for me, Tina had all but moved to London…

“Things change faster than we expect, don’t they?” he asked a bit more quietly.

“Yes, they do,” I hummed with a frown.

Newt peered at me a moment, we danced a little while longer before he said, “Rosaline?”

I glanced up at him.

“I know you hate yourself. I know you think you caused people pain and deep down that's who you are.”

My mouth screwed to the side as I chewed my lip. “Newt, I--”

“Just listen, please?” he requested softly, but earnestly.

After a moment, I nodded.

“But I know you, Rosaline, and that day at Hogwarts, you could've killed us. You know the unforgivable curses, yet you didn't use a single one. Deep inside, past all of Grindelwald’s spells and manipulations, you couldn't kill us. You're powerful enough to have killed us easily, and you didn't."

“So you think just because I could and I didn’t I’m somehow a saint?” I scoffed slightly as we still swayed.

“I think your heart, no matter what circumstances you’re in, will always guide you. You’re a lot softer than you let on, or that you believe.”

My eyes slowly slid over to meet his gaze and we held our stares for a moment, the tension suddenly thick between us. I’d wanted a moment like this for all of my life. My heart raced as my breathing halted. Before I knew it, we were slowly getting closer to each other and then--

Our lips touched. They were so soft and his were actually a little cold, but I didn’t mind one bit. As soon as he went to deepen the kiss though, a flash of stark blonde hair and heterochromia lit up behind my eyelids. The sensation reminded me greatly of Grindelwald.

Involuntarily, I put my hands against his chest and shoved him away. When I opened my eyes, I remembered it was Newt I was kissing, not Grindelwald. He looked hurt, panicked, and confused. My face was nearly a mirror image. My expression had gone from horror, to guilt, to sorrow.

Everyone on the dancefloor was looking at us and I didn’t say a word as I fled the area. Running into the building, I found a darkened corridor to try and slow my breathing. But the breathing just got worse as a sob built in my chest.

My first kiss with Newt and I ruined it by shoving him away. I slapped my gloved hand against the wall, the other one covering my face before I turned around and leaned against it.

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” Nora’s voice suddenly sounded beside me.

I shook my head, afraid to speak. She patted my shoulders.

“What’s the matter? What happened?”

“I… Newt and I kissed, but it only reminded me of Grindelwald so I shoved him away. I didn’t even know what was happening. Everything was fine but then all I could think about was Grindelwald’s hands all over me and…”

Nora peered at me, understanding in her eyes.

I took a deep breath, the tears finally stopping now that she was here. “Nora, I haven’t told anyone this but I’d like you to know.”

“What is it?”

“Grindelwald… he… was my first.”

At first, Nora was silent before I turned to see what was written on her face. I couldn’t quite tell, actually, other than some far off look. “Nora?”

She shook her head to look at me. “Rosaline, I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” I breathed, straightening up. “I wished that was one of the memories that got washed away with the curse.” I put the heels of my hands on my forehead.

Nora seemed to be thinking before she suddenly said, “It doesn’t have to count as your first time, if you don’t want it to.”

I scoffed, wiping my face. “How is that possible? It happened. He took my…” I couldn’t even say it.

“Easy. You don’t give him that power.”

“You make it sound so easy,” I breathed.

“It is… Would you like to go home and talk about it?”

For a moment, I wanted to answer yes. But then I thought of my date, the one man I’d ever truly loved, standing on the dancefloor, having no idea what he did wong, when he did nothing wrong to begin with. That thought, made me decide against it.

“No. Not right now. Later though? I really need to go see how Newt is.”

She bobbed her head in understanding as she walked with me back to the festivities. On our way, two men walking by stopped and looked at us.

“Aren’t you that bird that was with Grindelwald?” the older looking one asked.

I stiffened at his name and Nora grabbed my hand for support.

“Why, yes, I think you are! You worked for the Ministry, even ran for Minister.” He eyed me up and down. At first I thought he might say something nice like it was good to have me back or ask how I was doing. I didn’t expect the next words out of his mouth. “You are one low-life piece of trash, you know that?” he snarled. “It’s because of you the wizarding world is in shambles. Everyone knew they couldn’t trust Grindelwald, but one of our own. Someone as upstanding as you used to be joining him is just a travesty. You are everything that is wrong in this world. Corrupt--”

“That’s just about enough from you, sir!” Nora barked, interjecting. “My sister was bewitched. She didn’t join him willingly.”

“Not the way I hear it. If she was bewitched, why did she agree to marry him? Sounds like her thirst for power never really stopped.”

“I want nothing to do with that man, nor did I ever,” I stated firmly.

“You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart,” he scoffed as he started to walk on.

In an instant, I reeled my hand back and slugged him in the jaw, sending him to the floor. The other man looked at me in astonishment, along with Nora.

“That might teach you to open your mouth on subjects you know nothing about!” I spat, pointing down. With my blood still boiling, I stormed off and found Newt standing to the side of the dance floor.

“Is everything alri--” Newt began.

“We’re going home,” I informed quickly, grabbing his hand. “Nora, I’m going back to your place. You don’t have to join me immediately.” Then we apparated away.

Once we were in my room in Nora’s flat, I sat on the bed, gathering my breath.

“Rosaline, what’s… Did I do something wrong? I thought…”

I looked up. “Newt, you did nothing wrong.” I stood and began to pace. “You did everything absolutely right. It’s just… when we kissed, I couldn’t help but be reminded of Grindelwald and I guess I snapped and panicked and I thought it was you and… And I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that kind of response.”

“Well are you alright?”

I shook my head, waving him off. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Grindelwald and I were very… close,” I said, my voice cracking as my throat tightened. “It may take me some time to get over the horrible memories that I associate with romance. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want it… It’ll just take time.”

“That’s fine. Rosaline, I’ll wait as long as I need to. I’ve waited years, what’s a few more weeks or months?”

A soft smile touched me as I stepped forward and took his hands in mine.

“Truly remarkable,” I whispered before I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I had a wonderful time today with you, despite everything. I even got to punch a man. That felt oddly refreshing.”

He laughed as his eyebrows shot up. “You punched a man?”

“He was saying awful things about me being from the Ministry and being with Grindelwald…” I shook my head. “That’ll teach him to speak out of turn.”

“I’d say it would, yes.”

We grinned at each other a long moment before we heard the arrival of Nora and Theseus in the hallway.

“If you don’t mind, I need to speak with Nora about something.”

“Of course.”

He backed away a step to apparate but then he stopped and asked, “would you come by my flat tomorrow? I’d like to have afternoon tea with you.”

“I’d love to.”

With this, he smiled, nodded, waved, and apparated. As soon as he was gone, I poked my head out into the hallway. I waited to see if they were talking. They were, they were actually whispering.

“Am I interrupting?”

The two of them jumped and pulled away slightly.

“Uh, no. Are you alright?” Theseus asked. I bobbed my head. “Good. Well… I’ll leave you two to the rest of your evening. Have a good night.” He leaned down and quickly kissed Nora’s cheek before apparating back to his own flat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, looking supportive. “If you aren’t ready…”

“I’ll never be ready, but I’m not about to let it take me over.”

She nodded in agreement as I held my door open, inviting her into my room where I once again sat on the bed.

“So... how did it happen?” she asked once she got in the room and the door closed.

“I… Honestly I don’t even know. We just started… dating? He treated me like a queen, doing everything for me, before I knew it, we were going on dates and he was kissing me goodnight. Next thing I know, he’s inviting me to move my things into his room. We stayed in bed together a few nights then one day he was in a really good mood and…”

Nora nodded. “You know, the whole virginity thing… it isn’t the end all be all. If you felt it wasn’t what you wanted your first time to be, then it doesn’t have to be.”

“But I was physically with him, Nora.”

“So? You wanna know about my first time?” she asked as she plopped down next to me.

“You had a first time?” I accused, turning to her. “How did I--Wait, was it Theseus?”

A soft, amused expression took her over. “No, but I’m glad you think that.”

“If not Theseus, then who?”

“It was actually a girl at Hogwarts… She was a year ahead of me.”

“Let me guess, Slytherin?” I teased.

“Actually a Gryffindor.”

“No kidding?” I mused. “How? Why?”

“We were friends. Good friends. We actually took each other to the Winter ball, as friends, at first, but there was something there…”

“So… what happened?” I wondered, curious.

“We eventually made our way to the astronomy tower. It was disastrous, let me tell you,” she said with a laugh, putting her hand on my knee as she leaned towards me.

“It sounds kind of magical, and cute.”

“Cute would be one word for it. Neither of us had any clue what we were doing, but that’s the point when it comes to your first time. If everyone knew what they were doing, it wouldn’t be any fun.”

“I’m not so sure mine was fun,” I muttered. “I feel so… dirty. I’ve had to live with this memory every day since I ‘woke up’. I have to look at Newt and relive it. If we ever got to that point, I’d have to tell him who I gave myself to.”

“Oh, Rosaline, you give yourself who you give yourself to. The whole concept of virginity is something men made up to make them feel special.”

“Really?”

“Somewhat. If it feels special to you, then it is. But don’t let what happened to you damper what might happen with Newt.”

“Speaking of what might happen… Have you and Theseus….?” I questioned.

“Had sex?”

I blushed at her words, but nodded.

“No, I don't think we're quite ready for that yet. just being physically close is enough or us right now.”

“That’s really nice,” I mused, beaming softly. “I’m glad you two have found your way to each other.”

“Me too. It’s incredible right now.”

After a moment of chewing my lip, I asked her, “Uh, Nora?”

“Hmm?”

“During my… time… with Grindelwald… I would feel this… odd sensation.”

“Pain?”

“No, no,” I stated, shaking my head, blushing. “This is embarrassing.”

“Nothing is embarrassing. Go on and ask,” she encouraged.

“When we were together, I would feel this build up then a sudden… rush? Sometimes it would blind me when it happened and I got really tired afterward. Was I having a panic attack or what was that?” I wondered.

She threw her head back, laughing. “No, that wasn’t an attack. It’s a good thing. It’s called an orgasm.”

“Orgasm?” I frowned at her.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Did you...Have you had one of those?”

“I had one my first time, with that girl in the tower. I’ve had a few by myself. They feel good, if you know what’s going on.”

I slowly nodded. “I definitely didn’t.”

“So you want to though, one day with Newt?”

“One day? Nora, I’d like to do it right now,” I admitted. “I just can’t because society dictates that we must kiss at this time, then move to the next step. I’ve loved him for a long time and I’ve thought about him physically for years.”

She got a coy look on her face. “Well look at you. I never knew you were so scandalous,” she joked as she peered at me.

“Oh come off it. You know what I mean. With as long as I’ve loved him, of course it’s natural for me to want his touch like that immediately. I just… Between the flashbacks of Grindelwald, Newt being socially awkward, and society deeming it unfit, what choice do I have?”

She nodded her head side to side in thought. “You could always entertain the idea… yourself.”

“Myself?”

“Yes, it’s quite easy to recreate an orgasm on your own.”

I frowned. “Why would I want to do that?”

“To relieve stress, darling. You want Newt and right now you can’t have him. But on your own, you trust yourself, no one to please, no one to bother you. It’s just you and yourself, making you happy.”

My gaze narrowed on the floor as I listened.

“And that’s… okay?”

“Circe’s tits, yes, it’s okay. Why wouldn’t it be?”

I shrugged. “Don’t you have to reserve those kinds of things for your partner?”

She shook her head, scoffing. “No. You aren’t there to make someone else feel good, even if it’s Newt. I love the kid, but you aren’t just something for him to use. You have urges too, Little Rose.” She reached up and pinched my cheek, making me laugh.

“How do you even do that?”

She thought for a moment. “All I’ll say is let your hand travel south, think of Newt, and see how it goes.”

“Oh, Nora, that’s so… You aren’t serious, are you?”

“Deadly,” she said with a mischievous grin and chuckle. “What’s the worst that could happen? You think of Newt while fireworks go off in your head? Isn’t that what usually happens?” she teased.

I bobbed my head and agreed with her.

“On a more serious note,” she said after our giggles and smiles faded, “what are you going to do about Newt. Not the sex, but in general. You aren’t working with him, you can’t kiss him without repercussion, so do you want to move forward?”

My body toppled backwards.

“Of course I want to move forward. That’s all I’ve wanted for five years now.”

“But?”

“But what if he rejects me?”

“On what grounds?” she asked, laying beside me as she propped her head on her hand, staring down at me.

“Anything. I’m not… I’m not like you, Nora. You’re warm, funny, brave, smart. It’s easy to see why Theseus fell for you.”

“And Newt fell for you,” she reminded.

“But what if he fell for the assistant? The quiet girl who sat with his creatures. Not the girl who ran off with the bad guy and committed crimes.”

“You’re still the same person, you’re just a bit wiser now with a past you didn’t ask for, that’s all.”

I turned slightly more towards her. “You know, he said that he knew I had the power to kill you all, and didn’t. So that’s how he knew I was still good despite everything.”

“He isn’t wrong,” she agreed.

“No, he isn’t. Grindelwald told me to end you all that day at Hogwarts, and I didn’t. Something made me stop.”

“It’s that heart, that heart that Newt fell for.”

I sighed. “What if I’m not good enough though? He fell for Tina once, what’s not to say he won’t do it again? Perhaps with someone else.”

Her gaze dropped before she spoke. “I think I should tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“The only reason he even looked twice at Tina was because you spouted off some nonsense about not wanting to let people in. About how it would only end in heartbreak.”

“That’s because it’s true,” I snapped.

“Do you still feel that way?”

“Yes.”

“So why move forward with Newt?”

“He’s my only exception,” I whispered before looking at her. Her face was one of admonishment, making me laugh. “Don’t give me that look. I… I still worry it’ll only end with us being hurt.”

“Sounds like a wonderful way to go through life. Ignoring all possibility of happiness, for the potential to get hurt. Sound plan, Rosaline.”

“Mock me if you want, but we both know it’s true. Look at Theseus and Newt. They loved Leta and for what? So she could break Newt’s heart and die in front of Theseus.”

When she said nothing, I continued.

“Or you? How long did you watch Theseus and wish you had him? Or me and Newt, I watched him with Tina with yearning eyes.”

“Yes, but maybe if you actually opened up and thawed that heart of yours, you might be surprised at what you find.”

“What’s that?”

“Real, unconditional, true love.”

“Is that what you’ve done with Theseus? Trusted him entirely? Given yourself to him?”

“Yes,” she said confidently.

“And you aren’t worried?”

“About heartbreak?” She shook her head. “Have you ever heard the expression, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never loved at all?”

“Yes, but--”

“Then you know, that even if heartache were to swoop in, that you’d still have your memories of you and Newt. that those memories would burn brighter and better, than any dull ache that might occur.”

“You truly believe that?”

“I have to. Love is a risk, it’s a challenge, it’s fucking scary. But it’s worth it. Without Theseus I’m not sure how I would’ve gotten through this whole mess with you. Love can make you incredibly weak, but it can also make you incredibly strong and resilient.”

I let her words sink into me, and I listened, wrapping my head around them. Agreeing with her.

“Yes, but what if my sins, my demons of my past push him away?” I whispered, tears threatening.

She wrapped an arm around me. “They won’t, not if you don’t let them. You once told me to just go all in, even with Theseus engaged.”

“Well, yes that was because I wanted you to be with him. I felt you deserved him more than Leta.”

“I think you’re forgetting who you are, and who you are to Newt. Just let all of this go, and be with him. He wants you, and you want him, that’s all there really is to it.”

“You think so?”

She took her finger tip and bopped my nose ever so gently. “I know so. Who here is older and wiser?”

“You’re certainly older, I can see it in your gray hair,” I teased.

“You little demon!” she said before going in to tickle me. “Take it back!”

“Never!” I boasted, laughing.

‘I’ll tell Newt about your wild fantasies!” she threatened with laughter in her eyes.

“Okay! Okay! I take it back!” I said, surrendering.

For the rest of the evening, the two of us lied on the bed, talking mainly girl talk. She filled me in on the bookstore. I filled her in on what my thoughts were for a future job. It really felt like old times and that is exactly what the doctor ordered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#the softest fire #newt scamander x ofc #newt scamander x oc #newt scamander fic #newt scamander

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thestray · 4 years ago

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The 62 2020 Movies Releases I Watched During 2020 Ranked

Like the awkward title says, I’m going to rank (and talk about) all the 2020 movies I watched in 2020. This is not meant as any empirical list of what was best, it’s ranked by what I liked the least to the most, and my main criteria is what kind of impact it had on me and/or how much I enjoyed the experience of watching it.

Little bit about myself, I went to art school for animation, then after art school I went to a community college where I studied screenwriting. Never ended up pursuing either thing professionally, but I still write screenplays in my free time and read screenwriting books and listen to screenwriting podcasts. I'm the type of person that loves special features, seeks out behind the scenes information and director interviews, and watch youtube videos analyzing films. I love film, and thinking about film and talking about film and sharing the films I like, and maybe one day making films of my own, who knows.

Ranking and reviewing 62 movies was a more ambitious and challenging task than I anticipated, I rearranged this list swapping titles back and forth so many times, and then I’d remember a movie I forgot I watched and have to add that and figure out where it ranks. I started this on January 1st and am just now ready to post it on the 17th, I was still switching rankings right up until posting this. Even looking at it now there are some kinda want to switch but I’ve accepted that this is more or less arbitrary, lol.

The more I learn about film and what goes into creating a movie the more lenient I am about them. It’s not like I’m never critical of films, but I try to consider both the good and the bad of a movie instead of thinking in a binary of films are either amazing or trash. Some of these films aren’t great, but I typically still enjoyed them to some degree. Except Mulan, lol. I’m sorry Mulan. Speaking of Mulan...

62. Mulan

I'm going to try to say something nice about all these movies even if I didn't like them at all. So... I like the cast, and there are some nice visual moments. I actually was looking forward to this movie before reviews started coming out, it has 2 of the martial arts G.O.A.T.s in it, Donnie Yen and Jet Li, and also Jason Lee as the bad guy, so I figured it might at the very least have some decent action, but they were all underutilized. There’s not a single moment in the film where I felt anything at all. I think all these Disney live-action remakes are doing is making a case for how effective animation is for storytelling.

61. Color Out of Space

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, and it’s really cool visually, and I love Nicolas Cage always, but I really couldn’t get into it. I guess my main issue is that it starts off already too campy for any of to the Lovecraftian horror to really hit. It felt like a B-movie with great production value, and maybe that’s what they were going for? I really wanted to like this but I really just did not feel invested in anything going on, did not relate to anyone in the family, so I don’t think I got much out of it besides the cool visuals.

60. Bloodshot

I think the main flaw of this movie is that is that Vin Diesel was a producer on it, and Vin Diesel should be kept away from making creative decisions on movies. How Did This Get Made did a great podcast episode on this movie. It’s absolute nonsense, it has a couple of cool sequences and special effects in it, and Lamorne with a British accent is great, he’s the main redeeming value of this movie.

59. The Midnight Sky

It seems like this movie wants to be Interstellar, it’s structured in a very similar way, but it just didn’t quite have that same emotional punch. It looks very good, it’s well-acted, it has it’s moments.

58. The New Mutants

It's not as much of a trainwreck as people make it out to be in my opinion, I think the cast is good and it has some good character interactions, but it mostly suffers from the fact that it's way too predictable, from the beginning you're way ahead of the characters, and it doesn't help that they're in this confined setting so there's not a lot for them to actually do. But I appreciate the attempt at using mutants to do a horror breakfast club thing, good concept.

57. Vampires vs The Bronx

Vampires as a gentrifiers taking over the hood, great idea. Mero is in it, the brand is brolic. It was a fun set up, but it was neither funny enough or scary enough in my opinion. The vampires die so easily it's like okay whatever. It's like a really long Goosebumps episode.

56. Freaky

I don't think the execution lived up to the great concept, but Vince Vaughan was really great in those sincere moments playing a teenage girl. Horror fans will appreciate the gory kills. I'm not going to spoil anything but I do think there are some narrative issues that keep this from being stronger than it could've been. If you made the killer a creepy janitor at the school or even one of the teachers, then I think that would've created more interesting situations.

55. Eurovision

I love Will Ferrell, I even love some of his flops like Casa De Mi Padre and Kicking and Screaming, and even the House I think had a lot of really funny moments. This was definitely one of the least funny movies he's done to me. I think the director David Dobkin couldn't commit to being silly the way Adam McKay can cause there's a lot of this movie that just has no jokes, and the movie is over 2 hours long which isn't normal for comedies so you spend a lot of time watching unfunny scenes and extended musical numbers.

54. The Wrong Missy

I'm not a big fan of most Happy Madison movies, the jokes are very hit or miss for me. I'm a big fan of Lauren Lapkus though so I watched it to support her, and she plays an absolute psycho in this. It's so over the top it's like this character is not a human being, but I have to admit there are a few moments where she made me laugh pretty loud. I'd never watch this movie again, but maybe I'd look up certain parts on youtube.

53. The Platform

High concept dystopian sci-fi horror. Reminds me of the Cube. It's one of those things that makes you think about what you'd do in the same situation. It's a very on the nose allegory, so by the end of it my only takeaway was "Yeah, it really be like that."

52. Archenemy

Another high concept movie. Joe Mangienello is good in it, but Glenn Howerton and Paul Scheer are my favorite parts of the movie, it's fun to see comedy actors play bad guys. My main problem with the movie was that I did not find the teen character to be interesting or relatable at all, in fact he can be kind of obnoxious. In his introductory scene he's REALLY bothering this random guy minding his own business, not respecting his boundaries at all. Then the rest of the movie is about him exploiting a homeless man and being really pushy for likes on some app, and he doesn't really have a character arc. Also wasn't a big fan of the animated sequences but I forgive that knowing this was a low budget movie and those sequences were done by a team of just 3 people.

51. Power

Jamie Foxx is great. I think he makes almost anything he's in watchable to some degree. The idea of this movie is fun but I think the action sequences are kinda underwhelming, but Jamie makes it worth watching in my opinion.

50. Birds of Prey

This movie was all style and absolutely no substance. When your main character doesn't have a solid purpose or goal you're really just watching shit happen, and that can be okay if the shit that's happening is occassionally fun or funny, but it doesn't really make for a memorable story in my opinion.

49. Wonder Woman 84

The most panned movie of 2020 maybe? It's got flaws for sure and some narrative choices I just can't understand why they made. It has some fun performances though and I ultimately appreciated that our superhero wins not by using her fists but by appealing to goodness. I feel like you rarely see that kind of idealism any more. It may not be realistic but I think that's one of the things fantasy is good for, showing us a way things could be better to strive for. But yeah, the Steve Trevor things was fucking weird, why'd they do that? And neither Steve or Diana seem concerned with about this random guy's fate. I'd probably rate this film higher if they had Steve simply appear out of thin air, I mean why not? It's magic. But I loved Kristen Wig and Pedro Pascal in this. Pedro is performing with his whole body, did he film this after season 1 of the Mandolorian? Maybe being under that helmet for a season made him want to be really expressive. The films overall kinda campy but I didn't necessarily mind that.

48. Peninsula

Sequel to the already classic Train to Busan, this film decides the up the scale, which is what sequels often do, but I think it was a mistake in this instance. This is more of an over the top action movie than a character-driven horror film like the first. There's a climactic Mad Max-esque car chase scene that is almost entirely CGI. I don't think it was a bad movie, it's an okay popcorn flick, but it definitely doesn't live up to the original.

47. The Old Guard

In terms of action I don't think it did anything interesting, but I like how they explored how horrific and heartbreaking it would be to be immortal. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a tough thing to do, but we often don't consider the idea that death is a blessing we take for granted.

46. Sputnik

A Russian sci-fi thriller about a young doctor being tasked with trying to figure out how to separate an alien parasite from a Cosmonaut that's returned from earth. Good performances, creepy vibe, and lots of interesting questions about ethics. It has a sort of epilogue ending with a reveal I didn't quite understand the significance to the story, but didn't take away from either. Solid.

45. The Invisible Man

Fun sci-fi thriller about toxic abusive relationships and gaslighting. Elizabeth Moss is great in it and my favorite sequences are before her character actually catches on and you have moments where the camera is just focusing on a random place, very creepy and effective.

44. Sonic the Hedgehog

Personally I would've preferred a fully animated film taking place in Sonic's world. I don't know why they always feel like they need to make these movies about human characters and then spend a lot of time having to hide your CG character and having people do comical reactions to them. It feels very played out to me. BUT Jim Carrey is great in this, of course. Jim Carrey is the reason to watch this movie. He makes the movie. And it goes without saying thank God they changed that character design.

43. 2067

What I liked about this dystopian future is that the cause was basically everything. War, famine, ruining the environment, pandemics, just all our collective fuckery has resulted in a world where the human race is on the verge of extinction, plants are extinct, and oxygen is synthetic. Enter time travel, a young man is tasked with traveling into the future to bring back the solution to saving the human race. Very timely obviously. I liked it.

42. Monsters of Man

Some asshole tech bros let some killer robots loose on a remote southeast asian village as a trial run. It has lots of flaws but I give it some leeway because this is the first film of a guy who wrote, directed and was the cinematographer by himself, he didn't have a huge budget or much experience, so it's hard to expect perfection. My biggest criticism is that the film centers a white guy living in this village and some westerner medics, not the actual Asian people of the village. Could've been so much more of interesting commentary about racism and eurocentrism dropping these robots in a village of brown people no one will miss just for practice. That aside though I think it was a solid enough thriller and the robots looked pretty good.

41. Family Romance LLC

An interesting movie about a Japanese entrepreneur who has a business where he'll play whatever role in your life you need. Father, husband, coworker, etc there's a scene where someone even pays him to be scolded in his place by his boss. The main thrust of the film though is him playing the role of a girl's absentee father, pretends to reconnect with her and take her out on the town for activities. It's shot very documentary style, and there are a mixture of first time actors and non-actors. Sometimes there are long awkward conversations that feel just as awkward as real life. I really liked the premise, and the only thing that keeps it from being higher on my list is it doesn't have a strong enough conflict nor does it really have a satisfying conclusion.

40. Over the Moon

Directorial debut of animation legend Glen Keane, I really liked this visually. It was sufficiently enjoyable, but it doesn't have that emotional gut punch that Pixar or Disney films tend to have. But I guess cartoons don't NEED to make you bawl your eyes out to be good. I think there were some missed opportunities narratively, like I guess this is spoilery so just scroll ahead if you don't want to know, but she gains a step brother that she doesn't like and doesn't want to spend time with, once the adventure starts on the Moon they get separated very early on, and don't ge reunited until towards the end, but she somehow now cares about him and considers him her brother. I didn't feel like that was really earned, they should've been together throughout the adventure getting to know each other. But I otherwise liked the story aside from that nitpick. Loved the colors of this movie, almost everything in the moon world is luminescent which provides some nice visuals. Hope to see Glen direct more in the future.

39. The Croods 2

Nothing revolutionary but it has some solid physical comedy and great voice acting. All of Nicolas Cage's overacting is perfect for animation, and I liked Peter Dinklage as Mr. Betterman as well. There's a lot going on thematically but it all works pretty cohesively.

38. #ALIVE

Another Korean zombie thriller. I really liked this because I felt like as far as zombie outbreaks go this is the most realistic scenario. Once you realize what's going on you will just stay in your house rather than risk going outside and fighting zombies. But that poses the problem of a limited supply of food and water. The main thrust of the movie is not how this character survives though it's about him trying to retain his will to live. It's the perfect pandemic isolation allegory.

37. Love and Monsters

It looked kinda corny but I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I like Dylan O'Brien, I love Tom Holland as Peter Parker but I've always felt like Dylan O'Brien would've been a great choice too, he has a good everyman relatable quality. There's also a dog in the movie that I loved. Put a dog in peril in a movie and I will be on the edge of my seat guaranteed. It's a fun movie with some interesting creatures in it and a solid character arc for our main protagonist.

36. Extraction

I love the trend of stunt coordinators directing films. That's the main reason why the John Wick series is so good, and the reason why this also has some very solid action. Nothing crazy here in terms of story or themes, everything is an excuse for Chris Hemsworth to fuck people up and it delivers on that. There's one scene where he slaps around some kids attacking him that I found hilarious as well. Fully welcoming an Extraction 2.

35. Save Yourselves

A couple decides to take a break from social media and get away to a cabin outside the city. While they're disconnected from the world an alien invasion occurs, furry little basketball sized poofs. This movie was pretty funny. I'm a little ambivalent about the ending but I enjoyed these hipsters arguing about what to do about aliens.

34. Bill and Ted Face the Music

A most bodacious movie. Fun gags and a robot that steals the show. It's not as good as the first 2 but I don't think that's any surprise. I think it borrows a little bit too much from the previous films, like the collecting legendary musicians thing, could've done without that. It was a fun movie though, and the daughters really worked.

33. An American Pickle

Seth Rogen playing an orthodox Jew who's been preserved in pickle juice for 100 years and his modern day app developer grandson. I think this may be Seth Rogen's best acting role, as silly as this movie is he's kind of endearing as this character from 100 years aro, and as the grandson he's a lot more understated than he usually is in movies.

32. Tenet

Tenet! Is it controversial that this is not higher up on the list? I really like Nolan's films, actually been a fan since watching his first film Following in a film class. Nolan likes playing with time in his movies so it was inevitable that he'd do something that addresses it very directly eventually. I love the time travel genre and I think this is one of the most ambitious and unique approaches to it to ever done. I actually braved theaters to see this because I did not want to miss the opportunity to see it on the big screen. I did it as safely as possible and booked a reserved seating theater where I knew I wouldn't be sitting by anyone, had a mask, gloves, antibacterial gell on deck, sanitized my seat with wipes, etc, there only 2 other people in the theater all of us sitting way for from each other. Weirdest moviegoing experience I've ever had but glad I saw it on the big screen because the visual spectacle of this is excellent. The reason it's not higher on the list is because as conceptually cool as it is as I did not feel invested. Just on a story level having a character we know very little about pursuing a goal he knows very little about for no clearly defined reason makes it feel like... we're just watching events unfold as opposed to watching a character-driven story. There's a moment at the end that you can tell was meant to be an emotional moment, but I felt nothing. They try to introduce some emotional stakes with the female character, but idk, since it wasn't tied to the inciting incident it felt more like a b-plot than fundamental to the story. So it was a really fun cool looking puzzle, more like watching a cool Rube Goldberg machine, but not something I really thought much about after it was over.

31. Guns Akimbo

I really have been enjoying Daniel Radcliffe's post-Harry Potter career, he'll do some solid dramas he seems to prefer doing fun weird shit like Swiss Army Man, Horns, his role on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, etc. This is in that vein of fun weird shit, a guy who gets guns bolted to his hands and is running around the city in a robe trying to survive essentially a real life video game. A lot of the movies lower on this list had fun concepts but were lacking in execution, but this is one that is just as fun as the idea sounds, even more fun actually, it's funny, the action is good, and there are some great visuals. I found it all around enjoyable.

30. Let Them All Talk

Glen Close as a celebrated author who invites her nephew and 2 estranged best friends on a cruise with her. It's a very light-hearted movie with some underlying conflicts that the characters are afraid to address head on. Glen Close is great, obviously, she plays this pretentious self-important woman with affectations but is still likable and warm. It's a fairly pleasant almost slice-of-life until the 3rd act where everything comes together. To me it was a movie about communication, saying what you mean, saying what you feel, and those unspoken assumptions of what those around you are thinking or feeling about you. I know I can relate to the idea of wanting an apology from someone who might not even be cognizant of the fact that you feel slighted by them, or vice versa finding out someone's had a long standing problem with you when you thought you were cool. One sided grudges do no one any good.

29. True History of the Kelly Gang

I've heard of Ned Kelly, but I've never seen the Heath Ledge or Mick Jagger movies about him and I don't know much about him other than he's a famous Australian outlaw and something of a folk hero to some. The performances and cinematography if this are great. George MacKay from 1917 is the lead and he's amazing, sometimes vulnerable and soft, other times a madman. It spends a lot of time in his childhood and the child actor who plays Ned is great as well. It's gritty and sometimes surreal in it's imagery. From what I can gather previous films seemed to focus more on what happened with him and his gang, while this movie seems to focuses more on everything in his life that led up to him becoming who he is and forming that gang. Like a 3rd of the movie is spent in his childhood, and once the gang is actually formed things move at a pretty brisk pace, seemingly skimming over the exploits of the gang to the conclusion. The film feels very raw and gritty and very fuck the police which I always appreciate.

28. Lucky Grandma

A stubborn grandma in New York's chinatown gets her fortunte read and is told that she's going to be very lucky and come into a fortune, she then comes into possession of a bunch of money that belongs to a gang and she decides to try to keep it feeling it's owed to her by the universe. A funny crime drama with the unlikeliest of protagonists.

27. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee is an icon but he can honestly be a little hit or miss for me. I don't always enjoy every choice he makes, for instance he uses real footage of war attrocities in this, and it's really upsetting to see REAL people, including children, be killed, when you're not expecting that. I understand it's meant to be upsetting, but it does make the movie something I'll probably never rewatch. Spike Lee's films to me can also feel at times heightened to the point that it feels a little cheesy (Miracle At St Anna), and there moments in this that kinda took me out of it to be honest, but overall I enjoyed it. The performances were great, Delroy Lindo in my opinion is one of the most underrated actors of all time, he's just always good no matter what he's in, everyone else in it is good too, but of course I have to mention Chadwick Boseman who was great. At the end of the day it gave me a lot to think about in terms or race, war, America, forgiveness, trauma and so many other things.

26. The Devil All The Time

There's a LOT going on in this movie, maybe a little too much, it's like 2 or 3 movies smashed into one, but... I really liked it, and that's probably because Tom Holland is so good in it. Really liked Robert Pattinson in it too. I can’t really think of more to say about it say I won’t. Next movie.

25. Bad Education

A true crime movie about school district officiala who stole from the budget of a highschool. Hugh Jackman is great in this. I loved Jackman as Wolverine, but now that he's done with that I'm excited to see him other stuff cause he's always interesting to watch; The Fountain, Prisoners, The Prestige, he's always solid. I enjoyed this, it was done with nuance, it doesn't let them off the hook for what they did but it doesn't paint them as absolute monsters either. I really have to ask myself, if I could get away with stealing money that no one would miss... I don't know, I think I'd not do it out of fear not altruism, lol.

24. My Octopus Teacher

This is a documentary on Netflix about a diver who immerses himself in the world of underwater life and documents the life of an octopus. It's really beautiful, both in terms of visuals and in content. There's not a lot to talk about because it's fairly straightforward, but it was really fascinating to learn about this octopus and see the bond they mutually formed, and again I can't talk about how great this movie looks, it's like you're in a different world. This is something I could put in and mute while I draw just for the ambiance.

23. Kajillionaire

A quirky dramedy about a family of really obtuse poor scam artists. As absurd as their behaviour is I can totally imagine a trio of weirdos like this living in Los Angeles ( I can say that cause it's my hometown and where I lived most of my life. It's Evan Rachel Wood's best role, I never would've imagined her doing something like this but she's great as "Old Dolio". It's funny, at time sad but not in a hammy melodramatic way, and I feel it had the perfect ending.

22. The Gentleman

Guy Ritchie doing what he does best. It's fun, stylish, witty, has layers and twists and reveals. Everybody's good in it. It doesn't have anything poignant to say, but it's fun to watch the entire time

21. Run

A thriller about a wheelchair bound teen who suspects her mother is drugging her and tries to get to the bottom of it. You can tell this director is a Hitchcock fan because it definitely has that Rear Window vibe but takes it a step further, and in many ways it's even shot and paced like Hitchcock. The lead actress is actually wheelchair bound herself so it really adds to the realism of all the things she does in this film. Oh, and Sarah Paulson is the mom, when is Sarah Paulson ever not good?

20. Horse Girl

Alison Brie is an awkward neurotic woman getting over recent grief and a history of mental illness in her family, she starts to have weird dreams and then notices people from her dreams in real life, starts blacking out and having gaps in time, and starts to believe it's due to alien abduction conspiracy. Is she losing her mind or is it really happening? Alison Brie is really really good in this, and she co-wrote it too, it has a lot of moments where you really feel sorry for her or scared for her and you start to question what's real yourself.

19. Swallow

I found this movie really fascinating, it's like what if you turned one of those My Strange Addiction episodes on TLC into a movie. It's about this woman who ostensibly, at least from appearances, has the perfect life (at least by societal standards), she came from nothing and is now housewife to a rich successful man, and behaves almost like a Stepford wife. Then develops a compulsion to swallow inedible things, like marbles and batteries and thumbtacks, which is a real condition called pica. Its the kind of movie that gives you a lot to think about but no easy answers.

18. Time to Hunt

A Korean heist thriller set in the near future. A bunch of childhood friends rob the wrong person and have an Anton Chigurh-esque killer sent after them to retrieve the money and kill them. It's a really tense cat and mouse thriller with good performances. The ending seemed to turn a lot of people off based on a lot of youtube comments I read, but I didn't mind it. My only real gripe is that they set this in the near future but aside from some imagery in the beginning it doesn't seem to come into play that much, this all could've taken place in modern day or even the past with no alteration of the story. I think the future setting was more just for some social commentary that maybe went over my head a little bit because I'm not from Korea, but I think if they were going to do near future they could've added some futuristic weapons or something. But that's just nitpicking, while the future setting didn't add to the story much it didn't take away from it either.

17. Tigertail

As I get older one of my worse fears is making decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life, so this movie really hit home as a cautionary tale. It's a kind of quietly devastating movie. There's no huge tragic horrific even, just a huge miscalculation. Decades of your life of work and unhappiness go by and all you can do is wonder what things could've been. I also especially appreciated the cinematography and music of this film.

16. Mother

It's been a while since I hated a character this much, but this titular mother really pissed me off. She's a neglectful mother who only sees her son as a tool, but he sticks by her cause he loves her. It's definitely not a fun movie to watch, but it made me feel a lot and meditate on the idea of love and whether it in itself has innate value.

15. Call

I went into this movie cold, having no idea what it was really about other than that it was a thriller that revolved around a woman getting mysterious calls. I'm glad I had seen no trailers and did not know the gist of the plot becuase it went places I really was not expecting. One of the most fun thrillers I've seen in a while. So, I'm not going to talk about the movie but what I will say is that Jeon Jong-seo, who played the woman in Burning is in this, she was great in Burning and she's great in this. After watching it I googled her to see what else she's been in that I can watch and this is only her 2nd film. Apparently Burning was her first audition EVER and she BOOKED IT! Like, one a million success story right? But she deserves it cause she's great and I look forward to seeing what else she does.

14. Possessor

This was directed by Brandon Cronenberg, the son of David Cronenberg, big shoes to fill, and I think he's going to fill them fine cause this is already a cult classic in my opinion. The visuals in this, which look like they were mainly created with practical and in camera effects. There is some very graphic very realistic violence in this. The movie is about an assassin who works for an organization and uses some type of scientific process to "possess" people to carry out hits. When she's in a body for too long who's in control starts to blur. It's really fucking trippy, like a fucked up Black Mirror episode.

13. Borat 2

Been a fan of Sacha since the old Da Ali G Show days when Borat was just a side character. I'm amazed with out Sacha can stay in character the way he does, especially when later on in the movie he shelters in place with some Qanon conservatives with who knows how long staying in character. Maybe they'll reveal they were paid actors who knows, but whatever I fucking laughed a lot at this movie. There's a black woman in this movie that I hope to god was not an actress cause I loved her and her reactions so much. It was a breath of fresh air to watch something that's just goofy in 2020 because it wasn't a good year for comedy. As much as I love film sometimes I got a little fatigue from watching so many things with very heavy themes, this also had heavy themes it was satirizing, but also chimp pornstar jokes, so.. a fun time.

12. A Sun

A drama about a family's eldest son going to juvenile detention for his involvement in a violent crime. We see how his father, his mother, his brother and his pregnant girlfriend all deal with this. I found it very engaging. My only gripe is that there are some moments of levity where they use this really generic comedy music score it and it really takes you out of the film. No music at all is better than bad generic music. Other than that I really loved it and the ending is great. I really thought this would end up in my top 10 but the following films just had more personal relevance or were more fun to watch.

11. Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

R.I.P. Chadwick Boseman, this movie is like an acting showcase for him, he has so many great monologues here, the ending really took the wind out of me. It's also packed with really still relevant commentary on race.

10. Onward

You already expect a Pixar movie to make you cry, but this came from angle I was NOT expecting and I bawled hard at this. This movie was so applicable to my life experience it's like they specifically engineered it to make me personally cry. Honestly there are better movies lower on this list, but movies are just like any other art, when a song touches you on a personal level it doesn't need to have complex instrumentation cause it's how it made you feel that matters.

09. Palm Springs

A comedy released during a pandemic about trying to find stimulation and meaning when every day is the same thing? Ya don't say! Another take on Groundhog Day, which at this point I feel like it's its on genre with the amount of times the concept has been done, but I'm not complaining, I typically enjoy a good time loop movie (or show; Russian Doll). I don't know what else to say besides that it's really funny and Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti are both charming and great in it.

08. Scare Me

This movie was funny, creepy, the performances were great, and it's just really unique and clever. Written, directed, produced, and starring Josh Ruben, who I know primarily does really idiosyncratic "impressions" on instagram. It's 2 people alone in a cabin telling each other scary stories, they don't cut away to the stories you just watch them act it out. 4 people in the cast, one location, and it still manages to be a fun ride of a movie and manages to touch on some good themes in the overall story. I really hope to see Josh Ruben direct more films because I think he's really creative.

07. Ride Your Wave

A romantic comedy about a woman trying to find joy and purpose in her life. I often go into movies very cold, so I didn't know much about what this movie was about, just knew that it was from an animation studio and director that I really respected. It's very beautiful, very grounded, until it's not. Kind of movie that breaks your heart so it can uplift you later.

06. Uncle Frank

I really did not expect a lot from movie, not that I thought it would be bad, I just thought it be your middle of the road movie. It's about a teenage girl who really looks up to her uncle who she learns is a closeted gay man, in an era where that was potentially dangerous to be. They go on a road trip home when his father dies and learn about each other and themselves, it sounds kinda cookie cutter, but it really surprised me. Paul Bettany is so very good in this, and it made me cry. Easy way to get on high on this list is to make me cry lol.

05. Children of the Sea

This film had to be in my top 5 because I'm an animation nerd and this is one of the most beautiful animated films ever. Ever. It's right up there with Akira and the Ghibli catalogue, and the works of Satoshi Kon, and all the Disney movies and everything else. It focuses on details and nuances in a really gorgeous way. The story is VERY ambiguous and gets very metaphysical towards the end, the climax is like watching an acid trip. It's about a girl who meet 2 young boys who have adapted to living underwater, and they form a bond, and then... uh... there's no way I can concisely explain it. The creator has said it's not supposed to be understood logical, instead it's supposed to be felt. There's a lot of symbolism and metaphor, it's very philosophical and explores themes of connection and the cycle of life. It's produced by Studio 4°C, which is my favorite animation studio because they really push the envelope, they're responsible for Mind Game, Tekkonkinkreet, and the recent Mutafukaz, and other, if you've never heard of any of those definitely look them up, they're unlike any anime you've ever watched before. Anyway, beautiful movie and the cryptic plot allows for you to rewatch it multiple times and take different things away from it. I can't wait to own it on blu-ray.

04. 37 Seconds

I saw this very early in the year and love it. It's about a young woman with cerebal palsy who is also an aspiring hentai artist trying to get laid. Her mother who takes care of her like a child smothers her, so it's not only about trying to get laid but trying to have some independence. Firstly the performance of this woman who actually does have cerebral palsy and is a first time actor is so natural and endearing, secondly there are things they portray with an uncomfortable amount of realism and awkwardness that it really draws you in to the nitty gritty of her reality and what it can be like for someone who is wheelchair bound to try to have sexual experiences. I like that there were 2 films this year about characters in wheelchairs that used unknown actresses that face the same things their characters do, it adds to the authenticity of either film. Films like this are why I think diversity in film is not just about doing something for the demographic you're depicting but also giving everyone else not of that demographic new unique stories and perspectives.

03. Soul

I guess spoilers if you haven't seen this because it's easier to talk about why I liked it if I talk specifically about the plot. I wasn't expecting much from this when the initial trailer dropped, it made it seem like it was going to largely take place in this imaginary soul place with these blue things, and for most of the first act it seemed like that's what it was going to be, but when they come back to earth and the story really starts I really started enjoying it. This movie tricks you into thinking the film is about finding or fulfilling your purpose, only to throw a curveball that living life in and of itself is the "purpose", and this movie resonated so much with thoughts that were already on my mind. I relate so much to Joe as a creative person myself with so many unfulfilled dreams, at 36yrs old, having to put many of my goals on the backburner just to survive, and generally having that feeling that I'm still waiting to live life because I'm not fulfilling my "purpose". Sure reaching for goals is great, but I think our culture breeds this idea that happiness is a destination, an accomplishment, a certain amount of recognition, a monetization of your passion. I really loved how the film depicted that there's a dark side to focusing on your passions and how it can become a source of stress and unhappiness. This movie is just about savoring life itself, which people have been expressing through platitudes since forever but this film illustrated it in a way that words fail at, and that's what makes film such a great form of art.

02. Sound of Metal

This movie had one of the best trailers of 2020, I couldn't wait to watch this movie. FIrst of all I love RIz Ahmed and think he's an underrated and underutilized actor, he's fucking amazing in this, he needs an Oscar nom FOR SURE. His frustration is so palpable and he feels so natural in this movie. It follows a metal punk drummer who loses his hearing and goes to stay in a deaf community to acclimate. One thing I think is absolutely brilliant about this movie is the sound design. I'm not deaf so I can't speak from any type of experience, but they try to replicate what going deaf sounds like, what the audiologist tests sound like, what hearing aids and cochlear implants sound like, it's very immersive. I almost think of it like a companion piece to Soul, cause I had almost the same take away, it's just coming from it at a different angle.

01. I'm Thinking Of Ending Things

Okay, so I’m going to have a lot to say about this movie.

Maybe a very controversial pick for my number one because so many people absolutely hated this movie, lol. I am biased given that I'm a huge fan of Charlie Kaufman, he's my favorite screenwriter, and his films have only gotten weirder and weirder, so I know to expect the unexpected when going into one of his films. I can understand how this would be an offputting experience if you're expecting the conventions of normal narrative structure. It was surprising and perplexing to me how this film unfolded but I've watched non-narrative and experimental films before so I was intrigued rather than frustrated. You think it's about a woman who is thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend as they head to meet his parents. Once we get to his childhood home things start getting surreal, and that surrealism just escalates to the point where you realize this film is not at all attempting to depict reality and doesn't even have any continuity. This is the most a movie has ever felt like one of my dreams. I don't know how other people dream but this was so much like every weird nightmare I've ever had where I feel trapped in a situation.

There's a scene where the family is talking about art, the dad says he hates abstract art because it takes no skill, he prefers paintings that look like photographs because that takes real skill, the son asks why make a painting look like a photograph when you can just take a photograph, the woman states she paints pictures of landscapes and tries to imbue them with a sense of interiority, capturing the way she feels, the dad asks how can a landscape be sad if you don't have a person in it looking sad. I felt like this was a bit of meta commentary on the film itself. After I watched this movies I had my own theories, I watched some analysis videos on youtube that confirmed a lot of my ideas and gave me insight on other parts of the film, I watched the film again and formulated more ideas, it's so dense with things to project meaning onto and interpret it. I went on instagram and ended up having lengthy discussions about what the film meant both with people who loved it and hated it. Everybody I spoke with had slightly different interpretations and takeaways. One woman who initially did not like it came away with an appreciation for it after we had a lengthy discussion about it's meaning.

All of this is why it's my favorite film of the year, not only did I relate to it on a personal level because I'm in a stage of my life where I'm approaching middle ages and afraid I'm going to end up like the guy in this film, but I can't remember the last time a film led to such meaningful conversation about life, death, love, mental health, loneliness, trauma, etc. So like the scene where they're talking about art, I think this movie is neither intended to be abstract or realistic, it's supposed to be imbued with a sense of interiority. I know I sound way pretentious right now, but I just really appreciated Charlie Kaufman for making something unabashedly expressionist and serving it up to mainstream audiences. I really feel like I grow as a person and an artist every time I watch one of his films.

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So there ya go. That’s it. That concludes this arbitrary exercise in ranking the movies i saw last year, thank you for wasting your time on this, lol. I think it was a very good year for movies.

If there was a movie you were expecting to see on the list and it’s missing I just didn’t get to it in 2020, I may do an unranked follow up list of 2020 movies I missed in 2020, maybe.

That’s it.

End of post.

Bye.

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thesportssoundoff · 5 years ago

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Lists ‘N Stuff: 00s Heavyweights

I’ve been watching a lot of boxing. A lot. Too much even. Originally it started out of my desire to catch up on fights I had missed after I dipped out on boxing in the late 90s before getting back into the sport around 2007 or so. It eventually delved into a deep dive on what basically amounts to the last 20-30 years in combat sports. Given my love of things like lists, I figured I’d do one. Doing a list for the HWs in the 90s was genuinely a lot of fun because it meant re-watching a bevy of classic fights with classic characters. Doing one for 2000 to 2009? Well....Well ya know. Inarguably the worst division in all of boxing for its entire run of the 2000s, this was not easy BUT by the grace of God and plenty of rumchata, I survived. Here we go!

Honorable Mention:

John Ruiz- I was not going to put John Ruiz on this list. Even as a Puerto Rican, I couldn't go that far. Ruiz's trilogy with Evander Holyfield are among some of the worst fights ever and he was styled on by natural light heavyweight Roy Jones Jr where the only competitive fight that night was Norman Stone fighting with whoever was refereeing. He did beat Andrew Golota (and I think that was a fair call), he lost to James Toney, lost to Ruslan Chagaev and honestly probably got jobbed vs Nikolai Valuev. Ruiz deserves a lot of credit for doing the best with what he had but consider that he fought in TEN straight title fights by the big four and only finished one of them and went 5-4-1 with a ton of split decisions in there and tell me he deserves a spot on this list.

Evander Holyfield- The 2000s were arguably most sad in the HW division because Evander Holyfield was still fighting for titles well into his 40s. Holyfield went 6-6-1 in the 2000s with a trilogy with John Ruiz, wins over dudes like Fres Oquendo and Vinny Madalone and losses to James Toney, Nikolai Valuev (in a fight I thought he won), Larry Donald, Chris Byrd and Sultan Ibragimov. Holyfield was just sort of there in the 2000s with nobody ever really letting him go away because he was one of the divisions few remaining stars. It's not pretty.

Jameel McCline- It kind of gets lost because of how bleh he was but McCline was a pretty solid HW during the 2000s. He was pretty much the epitome of a big dude journeyman tough guy spoiler. He gave tough guys to Sam Peter, Chris Byrd, Calvin Brock and John Ruiz when he was a bit more focused of a fighter plus has wins over Shannon Briggs and Michael Grant. If two fights had gone his way (the Peter fight could've been stopped on Earth 2 and I thought he beat Byrd) then maybe McCline sneaks on this list.

Nikolai Valuev- Some guys are too big to fail but Nikolai Valuev was too big to succeed. His natural size limited how good he could be and unfortunately for Valuev, he was a boxing gimmick from start to finish. Valuev struggled endlessly whenever he got a step up in competition and seemed to always wind up on the right end of a close decision. Boxing's funny like that. The Valuev end came against Ruslan Chagaev but he managed to win another title and eventually fight David Haye in the crowning ceremony of the Hayemaker as a HW.

Oleg Maskaev- Fullest credit to Maskaev who started out the 2000s with a 2-3 record and went on a killer run to eventually find himself set up with a fight vs Hasim Rahman. Losing throughout the entire fight, Maskaev ralled in the 12th round and stopped Rahman to become a champ 10 years after the start of his career.

1- Wladimir Klitschko Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 22-2 Record in title fights- 17-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 6-1

"Wladimir Klitschko looks so good, you wonder what's wrong with him." That's the line Larry Merchant uttered prior to Klitschko's fight vs Corrie Sanders. It was the same fight where Merchant pretty much washed his hands of Klitschko after Corrie Sanders wiped the floor with him and exposed Wlad's questionable chin and recovery chops. Turned out all Wlad needed was Emmanuel Steward to basically rebuild him from the ground up, focus on protecting his chin and using one of the HW division's best jabs ever to keep scared opponents at bay and set up a perfect right hand. Wladimir Klitschko is unfortunately a victim of the times and of a style that led to a lot of stinky fights with barely satisfying conclusions. It's unfortunate because I truly believe regardless of era, Wladimir Klitschko has the skills to be top 10 quality in any time period. The Steward led Klitschko was just a perfect boxing machine and very few guys had the chops to sort of get through that. In the 2000s, Wlad beat and fought everyone and the only guy on this list to beat him was Brewster in a fight where Lamon just basically refused to go away. Wladimir has over Ibragimov, Chagaev, Peter, Byrd twice and Brewster in a rematch. I don't think he would've beaten Lennox Lewis but he would've probably wiped the floor with anybody else on this list and that includes Vitali if only because Vitali was in various stages of broken for most of the early 2000s and once they reached the end of the decade, Wlad's athleticism was so much far beyond anybody else in this division. You don't have to like it (and I don't blame you if ya don't!) but Wlad's one of the greatest HWs ever and the best of the 2000s.

2- Vitali Klitschko Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 12-2 Record in title fights- 6-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-2

I'm totally fine if you have Lennox Lewis OVER Vitali Klitschko in your top 10 rankings. It's a justifiable and fair enough argument to be clear. I'm putting Vitali over Lennox because even with a little under four year long break, Vitali fought more and in a way Vitali fought the best of both worlds. He fought the dying days of the late 90s HW explosion and then came back and fought at the end of the Klitschko legacy era. Vitali's wins are actually not that impressive in theory as Sam Peter is not as highly regarded as I would have him and his second best win after that is either crude South African banger Corrie Sanders or then undefeated HW Chris Arreola. Guys like Danny Williams, Vaughan Bean, Ross Purrity, Orlin Norris and Larry Donald are good wins to have but any credible top 10 HW for his era should handle those guys well. Vitali Klitschko's resume might've looked even better had he stuck around for those three years and either gotten his Lewis rematch (which I truly believe he would've lost) or just beaten up on the John Ruiz, James Toney, Hasim Rahman and Andrew Golota's of the world. He's my #2 HW of the 00s.

3- Lennox Lewis Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 6-1 Record in title fights- 6-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-1

The ONLY reason Lennox Lewis is SO low on this list is because he wasn't around for much of it. Lewis retired in 2003 after a controversial fight against Vitali Klitschko and....I honestly think the Klitschko fight is really overblown to the legacy of Lennox Lewis. It's often hyped up as Lewis retiring after a really tough fight because he knew he couldn't beat Vitali or what have you but in truth, Lewis was well on his way to stopping Vitali anyways before the cuts. Furthermore Lewis was fat and happy and had pretty much retired before the fight even began anyways. The only thing that stopped Lennox from pretty much wiping out the rest of the HW division for much of the 2000s was that Lewis made his money and didn't want to have some B-Hop esque run where he beat up on limited competition well into his 40s. Lewis' 2000s run features Frans Botha, the corpse of Mike Tyson, Vitali and David Tua. An argument can be made that if Lewis doesn't get smelted by Rahman (a win he'd eventually get back), he could be arguably one of the top 3 heavyweights ever.

4- Chris Byrd Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 11-4-1 Record in title fights- 5-2-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-2

The general argument I have (or feel I have) is that once you get outside the top 3 HWs, you're sort of open to interpret the top of the HW division however you so wish. Chris Byrd is my #4 HW if only because of his ability to stick around as a slickster boxer who managed to win fights at HW despite having absolutely zero pop in his hands. Hell if anything Bird should be this high just because of how lucky he was (theoretically) throughout his career. He survived close calls against Andrew Golota and Jameel McCline, he managed to not suffer a knockdown at any point in a 12 round fight against eternally hard puncher David Tua, he was getting wiped out on the cards vs Vitali Klitschko and then won the belt because Vitali tore his shoulder. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good although Chris Byrd was arguably both of those at the same time. Chris Byrd ended the 90s getting smelted by Ike Ibeabuchi and then once the decade turns to the double zeros, Byrd went 8-1-1 with wins over Vitali Klitschko, Evander Holyfield, Jameel McCline, Fres Oquendo and DaVaryll Williamson. His losses in the 2000s were to Wladimir Klitschko twice, Alexander Povetkin and Shaun George at the very end of Byrd's run. He's my #4 HW.

5- Sam Peter Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 33-3 Record in title fights- 5-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 2-2

Sam Peter is actually a pretty damn cool success story. While he became a meme on boxing sites, Peter went from being a poor kid growing up in Nigeria to a HW champ of the world despite his many limitations. Maybe Peter was just a beneficiary of a vacantly empty heavyweight division but that's also unfair to him given the work he put in to even get to that point. Peter fought both Klitschko brothers, James Toney twice, the underrated Jameel McCline and veteran HW Oleg Maskaev and racked up a 4-2 record throughout that time. Peter wasn't the most talented dude but he was tough, gritty and hit really damn hard. Two of his losses during this era were to the Klitschkos so that accounts for something. WHONEX indeed.

6- Lamon Brewster Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 13-4 Record in title fights- 4-2 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-1

Maybe it's not a great sign for the HW division that Lamon Brewster is up this high. Actually I think it's fair to wonder how good Lamon Brewster could've been had he not suffered a torn retinae against Sergei Liakhovich in one of his last real "big" fights. Brewster wasn't the most naturally gifted boxer but he hit really hard, had enough cardio to go hard in fights and was the sort of dude who could get anybody out early. Until Tyson Fury's masterclass, the last guy to beat Wladimir Klitschko was Lamon Brewster in a rock 'em sock 'em sort of fight where he was getting beat up early and then rallied to drop Wladimir en route to a stoppage victory. Brewster hurt his eye really badly against Sergei Liakhovich and was never the same afterwards, basically ending his relevancy before he had even hit his mid 30s. The Liakhovich fight by the way is one of the gnarlier HW fights you'll see and sort of gets lost in the shuffle given how dismal the division was during this time period.

7- James Toney Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 13-2-1 Record in title fights- 1-0-1 (1) Record against other fighters on the list- 0-2-1 (1)

Let's be fair now. James Toney doesn't belong on this list because he probably should've never been a heavyweight. It's never a good sign when Jim Lampley refers to you as a "Fat tub of goo" before your first title fight in the weight class but alas. Toney started the 2000s off beating Visiliy Jirov in one of the greatest fights ever and then jumped all the way up to HW to face Don King's batch of merry men at the top. As such Toney fought Holyfield (and beat him decisively), Rahman twice (and I thought he lost one and would've won the other if not for a headbutt) and John Ruiz in a fight he won decisively but popped for steroids of all things. Toney's resume has a lot of fluff in it at heavyweight (HAR HAR) but the fact he was still able to be competitive despite probably being at most a cruiserweight is pretty awesome. Toney vs Sam Peter I is also one of the best fights of the 2000s if you want to see an underrated HW banger.

8- Ruslan Chagaev Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 23-1-1 Record in title fights- 3-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-1

So funny story but Ruslan Chagaev was a big reason why I got back into the HW division. Watching him mid afternoon on Fox Sports upset generally bad Nikolai Valuev made me want to watch the heavyweights again, primarily because it meant in theory that I didn't have to read about how Valuev had stolen yet another fight in Germany. Chagaev's career is pretty much married with injuries and stop starts as torn ACLs, hepatitis (!) and other medical ailments led to him fighting on again off again later into the 2000s. Chagaev wasn't the most skilled HW out there but it's fair to wonder how much better (or worse) his resume would've been had he stayed healthy enough to fight guys like Lamon Brewster, Sultan Ibrabimov and Wladimir Klitschko far earlier in his run. I thought he cleanly beat guys like Valuev and Vladimir Virchys but I also thought Chagaev lost to John Ruiz for whatever it's worth.

9- Hasim Rahman Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 13-5-2 Record in title fights- 2-4-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 1-3

I don't have a great way to say this but basically it was never a good thing in the 2000s when you the likes of Hasim Rahman, John Ruiz, James Toney and Andrew Golota in a title fight. It usually meant you were about to be robbed of your time or your money with either a shitty fight or a quick stoppage. Hasim Rahman dominated the early 2000s in terms of title fights and title opportunities and our reward for that was a lot of weird bad fights and "What the fuck?" isms. So how did Rahman make the list? Partially because "The Rock" fought everybody and anybody and did well enough in almost all of those fights. To his credit, Rahman's record also has some victimhood in it. I thought he beat David Tua (and was robbed of a knockdown) when the judges gave him a draw and I thought likewise against James Toney (I had it 7-5 Rahman) but he once again got a draw. Who knows if he would've beaten Evander Holyfield if Holyfield didn't basically headbutt him to death in their fight. He beat respected dudes like Kali Meehan, Corrie Sanders and Monte Barrett during this time period. The biggest reason he's on this list? The KO win over Lennox Lewis. Even if Lewis eventually rectified that, it happened and Rahman's one of two guys to finish Lennox Lewis. That helps push him up on the top 10 list.

10- Sultan Ibragimov Record in the 00s (Jan 1st 2000 to December 31st 2009)- 22-1-1 Record in title fights- 2-1 Record against other fighters on the list- 0-1

If this was strictly about skills, Sultan Ibragimov would be ranked so much higher. Ibragimov was genuinely great and adapted his style from a stay busy all activity fighter to a more defensive oriented counter striker with quick hands. He, like most heavyweights of this era, just lacked the power to put folks away and lacked any semblance of urgency. Ibragimov rose up the ranks quickly and wins over 90s names like Shannon Briggs and Evander Holyfield put him on this list. The reason Ibragimov isn't ranked higher? That god damn Klitschko fight. Arguably the worst heavyweight fight ever, Ibragimov basically threw jabs for the first six rounds and then nothing beyond that. It pretty much killed Wlad as an attraction in the United States and dude didn't return to the Garden for seven years.

#Boxing #HWs #Lists #Lists N Stuff #Klitschko #Peter #Toney #Rahman #Brock #Chambers #Valuev #Ibragimov #Chagaev

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