#i really be writing the most degenerate shit for these two without blinking an eye

[little-lucky-angel]

I love writing NSFW au's for my ships and recently it has been Zoro/Sanji. And I tend to write most of it in 4am fueled inspiration burst egged on by other people chipping in. And it's now 2pm next day and I reading back on that stuff and thinking "huh. Real Zoro would probably fillet me like a fish for this before i could open my mouth."

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.8

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else.

Chapter Eight: Wild Love: Spencer gets something off his chest while you’re stuck in a hotel room. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading.     Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, very angsty, this whole series is a real slow burn babyyy

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A/N: y’all are killing me with all the love on this story so far omg. i am so appreciative of every single comment, like, reblog, all the sweet things you say in the tags etc. etc. thank you and i hope you like this chapter (this one turned out to be more conversation than descriptions of feelings/thoughts just fyi) ! x

-

“Since we’re stuck here for the night, how about one more drink?” Luke asked, glancing between the team. “You buying?” Matt teased making everyone else chuckle. Luke rolled his eyes. “If that’s what it takes.”

All flights were grounded due to a heavy snowstorm. This meant that after solving their most recent case, the team were forced to remain on location. At a small bed and breakfast right in the middle of nowhere.

“I’ll have another drink.” Emily stated with a smile. “Sure, why the hell not. It’s not often I get a night away from my boys.” JJ added. Tara also raised her hand, indicating she'll have one more.

All heads turned to you and Spencer. The brunette doctor sat quietly in the corner. Clearly a lot on his mind. You were right by his side, gently resting your head against his shoulder.

A small yawn escaped your lips. “I think I’m gonna call it a night guys.” You said, slowly sitting up. “It’s been a heck of a day, and the bed is calling my name.” The group groaned, but didn't protest. Instead, they all looked to Spencer who seemed to be debating his options.

“What about you Reid?” Luke asked. “Care for another one?”

“Sure. Uh, I’ll walk Y/N to her room and I’ll be right back.” “It’s okay Spencer, stay. I’ll be fine.” You countered while getting up to your feet however, the handsome doctor wasn’t taking no for answer.

Unknown to you, unknown to everyone apart from Penelope, Spencer’s been trying to find the right moment to tell you how he really felt. He spent the last two months debating whether it was a good idea. The idea of telling you he was still in love with you scared the shit out of him because it could go one of two ways:

1. You feel the same way and call off the engagement. The two of you get back together and he spends the rest of his living breathing days making you the happiest woman on earth.

2. You don’t feel the same way and you end up resenting him for lying to you, his confession ruining your friendship.

Either way, someone will end up getting hurt.

“You really didn't have to come with me doctor.” You said stopping outside the door. Spencer shrugged his shoulders, his nose twitching simultaneously. “I wanted to. Plus sitting too long causes a number of health issues. Your leg muscles weaken. Your hip flexors shorten, and it can cause compression on the discs in your spine which can lead to premature degeneration, which results in chronic pain.”

You arched a brow. “So what you’re saying is that you’re really just looking out for yourself?”

“No, I-I, well...” He flustered and you couldn't help but chuckle. “We’ve been friends long enough for you to know when I’m just messing around.” Friends. The word stung. “Right. Sorry.” He glanced down at his shoes.

Sudden concern flooded through you. Gently, you placed a hand on the side of his face, and slowly lifted it back up. “Are you okay honey? You seem a little off, and I hope you don't mind me saying but it’s not just tonight.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. Mind racing a million miles an hour. Of course you recognised his odd behaviour. He thought he did a good job at hiding his inner turmoil. Honestly, sometimes he forgets just how well you can read him. He forgets that you know him better than he knows himself.

“I hope you know you can talk to me.” You whispered, tenderly brushing loose strands of his hair away from his face.

The gleam in your eyes was so kindhearted. It was exactly that look that made Spencer think he truly didn't deserve you and that you were better off without him. It was also that look that made Spencer love you even more. The look that made him want to fight for you.

“Do ehm, do you think I could come in?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Of course.” You let your hand fall back to your side. “Of course you can.”

Soon enough the two of you were sat at the edge of your bed. A noticeably tense atmosphere filled the air. Your eyes were glued to the side of his head, wondering what the hell was going on in that big brain of his, while Spencer looked down at his hands. Which at this point were trembling uncontrollably.

It didn’t take you long to notice, you could practically feel them vibrating against your leg. You reached out, giving them a little squeeze before intertwining your fingers with his.

“What’s going on Spencer? You’re starting to scare me.”

The hazel-eyed man took a deep breath before finally meeting your gaze. His features broken, as if he was about to burst into tears.

“I’ve been lying to you Y/N.” He stated quietly.

You furrowed your brows confused, taken aback by his admission. “W-what? What are you talking about? You’re the most honest man I’ve ever met.” You expressed, but he shook his head. His light curls bouncing perfectly. “I’m not. I’m really not.”

“Spencer.” “Please Y/N, please just… I… I haven’t been honest with you and it’s eating me alive. Usually you would be the person I turn to for advice on these things, but since it involves you… I-I really don’t know what to do.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

You nodded your head slowly and swallowed your breath. “O-okay. Okay well, uhm… let me ask you this. If you don’t tell me, are you going to continue lying to me?” It was a weighted question which Spencer knew there was no right answer to. “Unfortunately.” He mumbled.

“Then I think, I think it is that simple.”

You were right. Every inch of him screamed you were right. Fuck. How the hell did it come to this? He had no trouble hiding his love for you these last few years.  He couldn’t understand why was it so difficult all of a sudden.

Abruptly, Spencer got to his feet and ran his fingers through his hair. A deep frustrated sigh escaping his lips as he loosened his tie. Your uneasy gaze locked onto him, following his every move. And as he closed his eyes, cracking his neck, you suddenly remembered that the last time he seemed this frazzled was the day the two of you broke up. Your stomach dropped.

“Oh no.” You whispered standing up. “Ohh Spencer.”

He turned on his heel to look at you once again. Your fingers were pressed to your chin, mouth slightly parted. You couldn’t possibly have figured it out?

“You’re breaking up with me.” It seemed like a silly statement considering you weren’t a couple. “I mean, you’re ending our friendship. That’s what this is, right? You don’t want to be my friend anymore and you’ve been lying to me by pretending that you do.” There were noticeable tears in your eyes.

“What? No, no, no. It’s completely the opposite of that.”

“I don’t think I understand. The opposite of-”

“I love you.”

“Well of course, I love you too. You’re my best friend. You’re family.”

“No.” He took a step towards you and cupped your cheeks with his hands. “I’m in love with you Y/N.”

You blinked. Eyelashes fluttering as the realisation of what Spencer just declared washed over you. He saw your lips quaver and your eyes widen. The dots connecting in your mind. All the moments you spent together, the conversations you shared. Everything was running through your mind like a homemade movie, making it impossible it collect your thoughts.

“I know I said I moved on, and that’s where I lied.” Spencer continued as you stared at him, unable to move. “I never moved on Y/N. I tried, believe me I tried. But you are a part of me, a part of my soul. You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Seeing you, your smile. Hearing your laughter. Being able to talk to you, and just be around you. Your aura. Everything about you is so intoxicating and I messed up big time letting you go all those years ago.”

Tears began to trail down your cheeks as you bit down on your bottom lip to stop it from trembling. Tiny salty droplets that Spencer slowly wiped away using his thumbs.

“I never said anything because I wanted to be there for you, first and foremost, in whatever way you needed me. I wanted to remain in your life after we broke up because your friendship means the world to me. I guess I thought-t, I hoped that maybe one day we’d get back together. And I know it’s unfair for me to lay all of this on you now, I know. And I’m sorry, I can’t keep it to myself anymore. You, I think you deserve to know.”

Quiet sobs filled the room. Your whole body was now shaking under his touch. Heart aching. It felt like you couldn't breathe.

All you ever wanted was for Spencer to love you. All you ever wanted was for him to tell you that he made a mistake all those years ago and that the two of you belong together. 

“P-please say something.” His plea was barely a whisper.

All you ever wanted.

“I-I.. Spencer, I...”

You finally got all you ever wanted. The brunette doctor was standing in front of you professing his love, and yet it felt like he just stabbed you in the back. His declaration, those three cursed words you dreamt so long ago to hear come out of his lips again. It felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Don't know what to say to you now Standing right in front of you

-

A/N: FINALLY A LOVE CONFESSION ! honestly this chapter was a little hard for me to write... it took me a while to actually sit down to it and actually be happy with what i wrote idk BUT i hope you liked it and as always i’d love to hear your feedback! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

masterlist | series masterlist | series playlist

story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne​, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​, @averyhotchner​

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Thirty-Six: An Obstacle ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi, Hyūga Neji ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

It may sound odd out of context, but Sasuke’s glad they’ve finally given up. No more invasive surgeries or trial medications. Finally, Itachi can get some rest, and put all that behind him. True, their parents still fuss over him, but it’s no longer badgering about some new procedure. At last they’ve accepted that Itachi’s blindness is - at least, with current technology - incurable.

He was getting so tired of his brother being dragged to clinic after clinic, hospital after hospital: all chasing some false hope they both seemed to know would pan out to nothing. But Itachi was willing to let his parents run out their options, if only to give them hope.

It’s quite the obstacle, but...he’s been working on reviving an old passion. While his assumed path into a business degree isn’t impossible now, his prior offers of scholarships and careers when he was nearing the end of high school have all vanished. Too much time was taken in his endeavors to be cured, and they’d rather give such opportunities to those without Itachi’s impairment.

At first, it flared Sasuke’s temper like nothing else. But Itachi, as always, took the poor news in stride.

The last surgery had kept him in the specialized aftercare clinic for two weeks. During that time, Sasuke had seen the pair from before - Neji and Hinata - fairly often. Hinata’s recovery was slow, but going well. She often mourned that Itachi was not as fortunate.

“I will make due,” the elder brother had assured her. “But I thank you for the sentiment, Hinata. I’m simply glad you’re doing well. Some good news, at least.”

Before they’d left, Hinata had insisted on exchanging contact information. Apparently she’d enjoyed her time conversing with the brothers. “I won’t be able to use a screen for a few more w-weeks, but...well, when I can, we’ll have to talk!”

“Yeah...sure.”

With Itachi moved safely back home, things slowly settle back into normal. Eyes paler than his family’s with blindness, Itachi can at least move around the house fairly well, given his lifelong memorization of its layout. More often than not, Sasuke’s startled to find him somewhere, going about his business.

It’s when he has to leave that problems arise.

“May I ask you a favor?”

“Of course. What do you need?”

Itachi opens his mouth, pauses...then asks, “Do we still have that keyboard I got for Christmas when we were younger?”

“Uh…” Sasuke has to think. “I...have no idea. It might be in the basement…?”

“Would you look for me? And if we do, help me set it up in my room? I’d like to try something.”

“Sure.” Curious, Sasuke takes to digging around in old boxes of packed away things, coughing a bit in the dust. Eugh, when was the last time anyone got into these?

Opening some flaps, there’s a pause as his phone vibrates in his pocket. Retrieving it reveals he has a text.

It’s...from Hinata.

He blinks. Then it clicks. “Oh, shit!” Opening the message, he finds a general how-do-you-do, asking what he’s been up to since they left the clinic. Apparently she can’t use her phone too much yet, but she wanted to check in.

A small smile lifts his lips. “Doing all right - keeping tabs on my bro. Trying to find his old keyboard atm”

A little more digging, then another message.

“Oh, a keyboard? Like piano?”

“Yeah, he used to play when he was in school. Guess he’s feeling nostalgic.”

“Maybe he wants to start playing by ear!”

Sasuke considers that, finally finding the right box. He forgot how big this thing really was.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Hauling the thing upstairs, Sasuke asks, “You really want this thing in your room? It’s huge!”

“Yes, please - did you find the stand?”

“Yeah. Hold on.”

It takes a few minutes to set it up, a chair swiped from the dining room for him to sit on. Hands run lightly over the keys, and Sasuke watches a small smile lift his brother’s lips.

“...remember how to play?”

“I suppose we shall find out. I believe it’s much like riding a bike. You just need to get the feeling again.” A moment passes as he tries to recall a melody. Fingers position over the proper keys, and then tentatively begin to play. Every so often a sour note breaks through, and the pair of them flinch.

“Ah...oops.”

“No, keep going.” Slowly, Sasuke lets a grin grow as Itachi trudges on, completing a little ditty before returning hands to his lap.

“...do you...think I could do this?”

“You just did.”

“No, I mean…” A small sigh. “...perhaps as...a hobby. Or I could...attempt a career. I considered putting the music online.” A wry smile curls his lips. “Perhaps I could have a nice clickbaity title about a blind man playing piano.”

Sasuke can’t help a small snort. “I mean...you can try. Do they make music in braille?”

“I believe so. For now, I thought I would just try to teach myself a few things by ear. See if I can make this work.”

Lounging on his brother’s bed as he keeps playing small snippets of songs, Sasuke picks up his conversation with Hinata again, explaining Itachi’s thought.

“Oh, that’s a great idea! Is it...going okay?”

“Yeah. Here, one sec.”

Knowing Itachi can’t see, Sasuke sheepishly records a short video of his playing, sending it to his acquaintance.

“Wow, that’s really good...how long has it been since he played?”

“I dunno...4, 5 years? He played in a music class in school, but...not since...all this started.”

“...I’m glad he’s getting back into it. I’ll have to come hear him play!”

That earns a lift of his brow. “Yeah, sure - I’ll ask him.”

Itachi, of course, approves in an instant. “I would enjoy seeing her again. And I’m sure you would as well.” A pause, then, “...well, perhaps see is the wrong word.”

Sasuke just rolls his eyes. “I’ll let her know.”

A week later, they turn plans into action. Sasuke helps move the instrument to the living room, and Neji drives Hinata over. She’s confessed to being nervous about cars after her accident - he’s one of the few she trusts to drive her.

“You know, we’re r-really not that far apart! I live like...twenty minutes from here!”

“No kidding? Small world.”

Neji just gives a curt nod in greeting that Sasuke returns.

Seated at the keyboard, Itachi looks up as they come back inside. “Hello,” he greets jovially. “I do hope you’re ready to be disappointed.”

“Well, I only played the flute for a few years - I’m sure you’ll still do f-far better than I ever did,” Hinata laughs.

“I will do my best to meet your expectations.”

To most, Itachi seems perfectly calm. But Sasuke can see a small tell in the way he moves his hands. It appears he’s nervous.

There’s no sheet music as of yet - just something he’s been teaching himself by ear. A pause, and then he begins, playing a bit slower than Sasuke’s heard him doing on his own. But there’s no missed notes, the three of them listening quietly as he goes along the melody. The younger pair clap loudly as he stops, and the tips of Itachi’s ears go pink.

“That was l-lovely!”

“Thank you. I hope to get some proper sheet music soon, though...I will have to learn the braille equivalent.”

“I’m sure it won’t take you long.”

Both Hyūga remain for a few hours, having lunch and chatting. Even Neji seems to relax a bit as they reacquaint after their time apart...not that he’d been overly friendly at the clinic.

“I’m glad to see that your sight isn’t an obstacle for your music,” Hinata offers, smiling.

“Well...perhaps in a way. But obstacles are meant to be overcome.”

“I might have to pick my guitar back up,” Sasuke murmurs, sipping his soda.

“I would enjoy that, Sasuke. Perhaps we could play together.”

“You still outclass me.”

“That’s what practice is for.”

“M-maybe I’ll dig out my flute! I haven’t touched it since middle school, though,” is Hinata’s sheepish offering.

“I would be thrilled to hear it nonetheless. Music is a wonderful thing. Don’t you agree, Sasuke?”

Giving his brother an unseen questioning glance, he replies, “...yeah, sure.”

As their guests prepare to leave, Hinata promises to keep in touch. “I’m t-trying to limit my screen time for now, but I’ll text when I can!”

“Your eyes come first,” Sasuke chides. “You could just call me.”

“O-oh...I suppose I could.”

He chuckles at her hesitation - he’s not fond of it either. “...whatever you wanna do.” Both brothers wave as the car pulls away, and then Sasuke looks to Itachi. “So?”

“That was pleasant. Hinata is a lovely soul. Neji is...well, he’s a bit quiet to know quite yet.”

“Stick in the mud,” Sasuke mutters, grinning at his brother’s pointed look.

“...will you really start practicing your guitar again?”

“Yeah, I think I will. Might be fun. We can start a band: a keyboard, a guitar, and a flute.”

That gets Itachi to laugh out loud. “I’ve heard of stranger things, I suppose. But it would be nice if she came around.”

A brow perks. “You got a crush.”

“Oh heavens, no.”

Sasuke lets a grin grow. “Still pining over your nurse?”

“...I am not pining. I simply thought you would enjoy her company.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. Even without my eyes, I could see the glances you kept giving her,” Itachi teases with a smirk of his own.

“W-what? I didn’t -”

“I’m merely giving you a hard time, Sasuke. But you two did seem to get on well. I know you’re not the most social type, so...I thought it prudent.”

Sasuke’s cheeks puff with a pout.

“Well, let’s get back inside. I’d like to practice a bit more tonight.”

“...sure.”

     Okay so this is a MAAAJOR throwback: all the way back to day fifteen! That one was about Itachi's degenerating sight, and Hinata's accident that left her temporarily blind. The four of these babbs got to know each other a bit, and now they're getting back together!      A very random connection, I know, but it happened to jump to mind xD Until then I was rather stuck on what to write for today. Some prompts are just a little stumpy, lol      Anywho, that's all for tonight - I'm off to bed! Thanks for reading n_n

[zenosanalytic]

Discovery: Lethe II

Ok so, first off, I just want to say that this was Everything I ever wanted Trek to be :|

Intimate, ambiguous, detailed examinations of non-human cultures

POLITICS >:] >:] >:]

diplomacy as heroic and dangerous

A Starfleet and Fed where Feelings and mental health are just as important and valued as strategic or tactical concerns.

relationships and The Personal tied directly to principles, institutions, and larger events

exploring relationships, personalities, ethics, and what it means to be alive in the World through symbolic, fantastical situations

positive, life-affirming, sympathetic, casual sex portrayed without objectification or exploitation

tortuously sympathetic villains

damaged people behaving badly and portrayed with nuance and sympathy

Trauma affecting people, affecting the World through people, and people dealing with Trauma in various ways with various levels of success and healthiness

AMANDA!

Sarek being a bad Dad

Sarek being locked in a glass-case of Emotion

People being called out on their Shit

Science officers being all “Fuck it; let’s get Weird!”

Concise, confident, tight sci-fi writing. For example: the basic idea of the mind-meld-machine is established clearly and crisply, and doesn’t degenerate into technobabble, or rely on magic disguised as tech(quantum! nano! tachyons! etc, etc). Everything clinks together, everything runs smoothly, nothing snags, contradicts, or confuses

This ep really impressed me with how incredibly savvy the crew making this show is, and how much they think about how the fanbase will potentially be reacting when they see the eps. There were moments in previous eps like this, but Lethe is repeatedly fan-conscious, and without ever endangering the 4th wall. The “Disco” sweats can be explained -it’d be easy for NBC to promote “Disco” as the preferred nick in the fandom without seeming to- but the writing for Ash in this ep, and how it interacts with the theory that he’s Voq, is just so obviously aware that people would suspect this.

The rest of this got kinda long, so I’m putting it under the cut.

Catching Ash

When Lorcas says “you fight like a Klingon”, Ash responds not by joking or treating it as a compliment(which you might expect given his ingratiating lie about his kill count), but by trying to explain it away and apologize for it, like he was worried by the comment, and in a way -“Klingon guards beating on me for 7 months, I was bound to pick something up”- that emphasizes his awareness and toughness; calculated to appeal to the sort of person Lorca has shown Ash he is. The things he says to Burnham about loss and death; the potential irony of having him, twice in the episode, emphasize and explain humanness; the way his concern for Burnham conveniently ingratiates him to Lorca(by following his orders over the mission) and builds an emotional bond with someone Lorca obvsl considers an asset; all of these have both innocuous and foreboding interpretations. There are even these little subtle touches to his performance that aren’t entirely out of the realm for a human, but oddly Klingon-aggressive: how he hits the table to emphasize the here-and-now when talking to a stranger; his sarcastic dismissiveness towards Tilly and Burnham’s discussion of her emotions. And then there’s his speech about death, failure, and loss to Burnham, something that could have easily come out of the mouth of a Voq trained to act like a human.

Even the title of the episode can be read as playing into this. Titles so far have been thematic; sometimes even used in the episode themselves. Lethe, of course, is the River of Forgetfulness in Greek Myth, on the shores of which the Dead leave the memories of their former life. But who is “Crossing the Lethe” here? Who is doing the forgetting; who is putting their past life behind them? The ep is about Sarek and Michael’s memories and bond, not the denial or loss of them. The final scene in sickbay establishes that Sarek has not forgotten the Meld which saved him in the nebula anymore than the past which binds him to Michael; he lies to avoid the shame of his betrayal, of facing the harm he’d done to Michael(a person he loves), and all the emotions that act and knowledge dredges up in him(not a terribly Vulcan way to behave, lying to avoid consequences).

The point of Michael’s role in all of this is that she hasn’t forgotten any of it. Nor has Lorca forgotten or placed anything behind; his inability to forget and refusal to heal is the engine of his subplot, of his trauma, and of his villainy, in the ep and in the series as a whole. Lorca’s attachment to the Pain he has Chosen drives him to manipulate a friend, to abandon her to torture and degradation, to push, manipulate, and oppress his crew, and to sleep with a phaser under his pillow at night.

But, if Ash is Voq, all this talk about his humanity and about what is is to be human, is a rejection of his Klingonness; a kind of forgetting. It is the final step in a deliberate, decisive setting aside of his past life for the sake of his mission to save and unify the Klingons under T’Kumva’s philosophy. And there’s another aspect to Lethe, too, which could potentially play into this; lethe also means “concealment”, and is the negated element within the Greek word for truth, alethia(lit. “unconcealment, unoblivion, unforgetfulness”). Lorca and Sarek are both concealing and dishonest in this episode but, if Ash is Voq the Torchbearer, it would also apply to him as well. It’s a very nice meta-element to the ep, a kind of non-subplot-subplot, and their deliberate cultivation of it shows an awareness of and desire to engage with the fandom which I appreciate.

Ok, so WOW; that’s a lot of text!, but I’m not done yet.

Our Faces, Our Selves

This ep had some truly great Tilly moments. The gesture she does when she says “personality” was Endearing and characterizing as Hell. Whether it was written in or if Wiseman added it herself, it’s a wonderful example of the non-aggressive physicality her performance has displayed so far. Also -though technically a Burnham moment as well- the contrast between her natural stride and the precise form Michael runs in was both Fun and Great. “Computer, green Juice, extra Green”; Perfect u_u “*whispered* computeraddsalsa... Ohmygod you are so scary!” Magnificent u_u u_u “Oh Kaaay >:|... He actually is, though.” Majestic u_u u_u u_u

The intent to make Cadet Tilly the “Emotional Heart” of the show is extremely obvious, but it actually works because of just how well executed in basically every respect(even something as small as allowing her face to be blotchy and blemished invites audience attachment) it is. And because her personality is basically that of a puppy-dog, and puppies aren’t terribly subtle either, the obvs intent doesn’t grind up against her characterization, or Wiseman’s performance. Her humor is effortless, natural, youthful, and casually disarming. The interlocking web of support between her and Burnham -Burnham teaching her the discipline of excellence and pushing her to pursue it; Tilly engaging her emotionally, sometimes even pushing, without being disrespectful- is convincing, earned through time and interaction, and endearing. That she is simultaneously in awe and protective of Burnham, yet cognizant enough of her weaknesses, and at ease/trusted enough with her, to prompt socialization when she balks out of anxiety, awkwardness, and shame, is entirely believable. And her FACE! The ways Wiseman uses her face, the subtle little things she does, in this episode are just... So Wonderful. I kinda feel like going back over the previous eps just to see if I missed similar work in them.

Frain’s face work as Sarek in this ep is equally impressive. We see more of it in the third contact, but for some reason it’s the stuff in the second contact that stood out most to me. At that point it hasn’t yet been made explicit that Burnham has an incomplete understanding of the event and Sarek’s reactions to it but here -in the minor hesitation and stony, unnatural setting of his jaw and torso as he too slowly turns away from the director; his blinking look and respectful nod to Michael; the blink-and-you-miss-it shaking of his jaw and lips; his emotion-controlling intake of breath before he breaks the bad news; his gulp and the tension in his eyes as he looks at Amanda, the pleading tone as he offers his dishonest explanation; the sorrow on his face and shameful lowering of his head as Burnham asks to leave- we see the first signs that things aren’t as they appear.

And then the third contact. In the initial struggle with Burnham his eyes are particularly important, though the angle obscures them somewhat so this is mostly done through blinking. When she asks “is it worth dying over” there is a flash of stubbornness -he opens his eyes wider, raises his head to look at her straight- followed immediately by a lowering blink and assessing rove of his eyes over her face. As she says “let me in” he blinks and looks down, considering. As he says “I never lost faith in you” he rapidly blinks two or three times, then squints. Finally there’s this little tongue-flick he does on “I will show you”, a mannerism usually associated with consideration or nervousness, that just really stood out and sold his discomfort to me.

Then his talk with the director! When Frain says “Acceptance with honors is her due” there is this wonderful chain of expressions, starting with a raise of the eyes and forehead on “Acceptance” and ending with a slight clench and drawing back, then jutting of the jaw on “due” that just screams pride, assurance, and arrogance. Sarek knew that, by the logical terms of Vulcan society, Burnham had more than earned her place. Then the blinking drawing back of his head at encountering the Director’s racism; his contained, hidden affront at not just the personal insult to his child, and thus to himself, but at the illogic of the Director’s bigotry, yet obviously too common and accepted to challenge publicly if he can voice it so openly to someone of such high social rank. So Sarek dodges the subject; moves it back away from race and the personal onto ideological grounds, hoping to turn the situation around by trapping the Director in the essential contradictions of his position while subtly seeking to defuse his anti-human bias by dehumanizing Burnham via discussing her as a work rather than a person. His face conveys this too; he turns and dips very slightly it to the left, looking partially side-eyed and from under his brow at the Director, conveying cleverness but also a self-satisfaction, as if he’s looking both at the Director, and above him at his vision of wedding Human and Vulcan cultures. The Director out-maneuvers him by turning his argument around; bringing Spock into the discussion. At “Twice” Frain snaps his head up, as if struck. Questioning Spock’s relevance his head shakes, his eyes tighten. At “Non-Vulcan” Frain gives an almost relieved negation, shaking his head, closing his eyes with brows angled down, saying “Spock is” only to be cut off by “Half-Vulcan”. Then the deepest cut; the Director, smirking, goes on to call Spock “another one of your Experiments”, not only insulting him by dehumanizing his children, but also through sarcastic irony; the Director’s tone and face expresses a suspicion Sarek is emotionally attached to them, thus his statements are also mocking these “unVulcan” feelings Sarek might have for them. And then Frain’s wiggle of the lips and blank eyes at “not-quite-Vulcans” just... DAMN!

Ok that bit was... also very long, so I’ll stop there X| But, like I said, EXCELLENT face work, both enough to convey to the humans watching his feelings, and the sort of Vulcan disciplined suppression Trek fans would expect, and I was really impressed by it. But before moving on, I just want to point out a clear but subtle irony here. Green’s performance as Burnham is far more controlled in her reactions to witnessing this racism and anguished betrayal, keeping it mostly to her eyes, and the ever-present tension between her brows. The rest of Green/Burnham’s face remains disciplined and contained in a way Frain/Sarek’s does not, nor that of the Director. Basically, her self-possession out-Vulcans both of the Vulcans present, disproving the Director’s racist arguments. Just really excellent physicality in this ep, even on the smallest details.

Sympathy for the Devil

This was a really great ep for Lorca, too.

I feel like it’s pretty clear that Lorca’s the central villain of Discovery(as much as any one person is “The Villain” rather than nebulous concepts like “misunderstanding” and “arrogance” and “cultural chauvinism”), but he’s a very well and ambiguously written, sympathetic villain. That, inevitably, invites the audience to sympathize with him and forget that he’s the villain. With the Tardigrade set free and Spore-Drive Displacements no longer getting top-billing it’s been awhile since the audience has seen  him directly harm other people. It’s been two weeks since we saw him goad his crew by playing the anguished, fearful, dying screams of human colonists over the com. And last week we saw him being friendly with SF Command, being captured, having his weaknesses taken advantage of to torture him, and seeming to think his way out of a terrible situation with insight and daring. We also saw him betrayed by Mudd, and learned his tragic backstory. All of this invites sympathy, and the forgetting of his past misdeeds.

And at first the ep reinforces that. We see him testing and extending his trust to Ash, showing concern for Burnham, risking his ship to both save a long-loved character(Sarek) and protect the protagonist, and finally reconnecting with an old friend through nostalgia and positive, respectful, mutual affection.

But under all of this -except re: Burnham and Sarek- there is a disturbing tremor. The angry, cold and calculating way he crushes that cookie; his private order to Ash; how quickly and masterfully he makes his meeting with Cornwall about their friendship, then escalates its intimacy, step by seducing step. And, just as inevitably, that tremor eventually explodes into a quake that shakes it all down. Rather symbolically(this series LOVES symbolism ^u^) it is Cornwall’s tracing of his scars which triggers his breakdown. In an instant his facade of control collapses, and Lorca goes from driven and in-control to a shaken man on the edge of breaking, sweat-sheened and begging not to lose his ship.

His trauma, in itself, only sympathizes him more of course, and how he deals with it -suppression and bluster when he can hide it, frantic deal-making and pleas when it is revealed- does so as well, to a point. Lorca is revealed once more as a manipulator, but he hasn’t yet harmed anyone. His renewed professions of concern and respect for Burnham sound like Sarek’s manipulations in reverse, but it takes the last scene -the camera panning to focus on his phaser after Lorca had abandoned Cornwall to the Klingons, paraphrasing her own words to justify it to Saru, the audience knowing that she was the only person who knew how far he had fallen and could remove him from command- to retroactively make them, and his scenes with Burnham at the start of the ep, Sinister. By casting aside an ally, friend, and lover the moment she became a threat to his power and ambition, the show reminds the audience of just how villainous and dangerous this tormented man truly is.

There’s a lot more to talk about here -I particularly think this was a very insightful episode about how this show conceives of Vulcan culture- but I think I’ll give the other issues their own posts.