#i really appreciated this message anon and i love you so much

[gunilslaugh]

The Truth

Hello my lovely dear readers,

Have you missed me? I’ve had some thoughts about coming back recently cause I miss writing fanfiction more than I thought I would. However, thinking about coming back has had me reflecting more about why I left. 

In my goodbye post I said it was because of me not feeling comfortable writing fanfiction about other men in a romantic way when I have a boyfriend now. That is true and was ultimately the deciding factor in me stepping away from my blog. I did leave some other information out of my goodbye post though. That information being that I had been thinking about ending my blog before I even started talking with my now boyfriend. 

Truthfully writing fanfiction began to not feel fun anymore. This feeling actually started when I made my side blog @twinklingstar1ights I thought that opening up that side blog would help bring back the joy I had for writing fanfiction and at first it did. It felt refreshing to write for more groups.

However I felt like my main focus had to be on gunilslaugh. I felt the need to upload for my followers. Especially since there aren’t many writers for Xdinary Heroes. I didn’t want to let you all down by putting writing for the heroes on the back burner. This is where I made a mistake that led to me feeling burnt out and losing motivation to write. 

Another factor that led to me wanting to step away was some of the reception to my works. It seemed like all works that I was actually proud of and liked flopped and works that I lowkey hated did really well. It felt discouraging. I get and respect that people have different tastes, but when I posted works that I was so excited to post only for them to get such little reception it stung. Like I wanted to know what was wrong with them. Why didn’t you guys like them? I know that I shouldn’t have gotten so caught up on numbers, but it was hard not to. 

Maybe I was too in my own head, but I started to feel like my engagement with my readers was low. My works would get a lot of likes, but that kinda felt like it. They hardly got any reblogs and even less comments. I feel really pathetic for complaining about this, but it kinda felt like you guys didn’t want to interact with me. Like the last q&a I did, only one person sent me questions. I wanted to be a writer that had really good communication with their readers. I wanted to interact with you guys. I will take this time to acknowledge those who did interact with me cause you all were my favorite. I got excited when I saw your guys' usernames or emoji anons. 

My Villain Xdinary Heroes series got the most interaction. People left comments and anons sent in messages telling me how much they liked them and were excited for the other parts to be posted. That was probably my happiest time as a writer. Although that being said after wrapping up Villain Xdinary Heroes fics those interactions went away. This was probably me overthinking, but it made me feel like my works weren’t as good anymore. Obviously I don’t expect high interaction rates on every post I make. Yet for some reason only seeing like after like began to feel disappointing. Again I feel really stupid for complaining about this. Like who complains about getting likes? 

Writers spend hours creating our works and only getting a like button hit just kinda feels like bare minimum I guess if that makes sense. All those posts about Reblogs>Likes is so true. Reblogs make writers 100x more happy than a like does. Don’t get me wrong I still appreciate all the likes my works get. It’s just like a said hours go into creating works and a like button takes a second to hit and it’s not as personal as a comment either. I loved hearing you guys’ thoughts and feelings about my works. 

When I was writing the last of my requests before ending my blog they were just asking for their request. Which is fine, that's what a request is. However in the past you guys would compliment me or ask how I was doing, say that you hope I was doing well. I got to have that bit of interaction that I wanted with my readers. Seriously a “Hi, how are you?” or a “I hope your day is going well :)” on a request would make me so happy. I kinda didn’t realize how much I liked it until it wasn’t there. This is again I feel really pathetic for complaining about, but I want to get my truth out there. I want you guys to know all the factors that lead to me making my decision to step away. Cause in my goodbye post I basically blamed it on my relationship. The reason I did that is because as I previously stated these other reasons make me feel pathetic. That these small things grew to bother me so much.

I think if I look back to when my struggles with my blog started was when an anon sent in a request saying that they thought I wrote Gunil duller when compared to the other members. I just deleted that request cause it felt a bit back handed. Like they said that they thought I wrote Gunil dully then proceeded to request something. I understand constructive criticism, but this did not feel like that, it felt rude. It got me paranoid too. I went back to my ot6 works to reread them to see if it was true. Because if it was I wanted to fix that obviously. It was never my intention to write him dully if that’s how it came across.

When I write ot6 works I start with Gunil first, so in a way he’s the “icebreaker” to get my ideas flowing. Which could result in his part not being as detailed as the others, but I never wanted that to happen. My blog is named after him for peats sake. I love the guy (and his laugh). Anyway that comment just really got in my head despite trying to brush it off. 

Speaking of ot6 works. I mentioned it before but I actually prefer writing member x reader works, but most of my requests were ot6 works. Again this falls into my taste not exactly aligning with my readers. I was putting out works that I didn’t necessarily feel like writing, but I didn’t want to disappoint you all by not writing your request. It felt like what I wanted to write wasn’t what you wanted to read. My need to please my audience out weighed writing what I wanted, which again ultimately led to me feeling burnt out. 

So yeah even if I put my relationship aside I feel like the end of my blog was still coming. Writing for it was beginning to feel more like a chore than a hobby. Like I stated at the beginning of this long spiel I have thought about coming back. I would definitely be different than before though. I thought about combining my side blog and my main blog to just be a multi-fandom blog or maybe I would keep them separate, but not have my focus be on gunilslaugh. I would just write about who I want, when I want, not stress about having a fixed writing schedule. If I came back it would be like starting fresh. Gunilslaugh 2.0 Honestly I even thought about just creating a whole new blog, starting completely afresh. 

All this being said I still don’t know about coming back. I just felt the need to share the whole story with my readers since you guys have given me so much support. I’m sorry if anything I wrote in this offends anyone in some kind of way or made anyone feel bad. That’s not my intention I just want you all to know what I’ve been feeling, what has been on my mind. Why I made the decision I made. 

Sorry that this was so lengthy I’m done yapping now. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

Maybe we will meet again in the future, stay happy and healthy. 

Gunil’s Laugh <3

[sciderman]

Usaually I don't bother, but I'm writing to you because i have looked up to you for a long time. I don't need you to respond, maybe even prefer if you won't, but your last post was a big blow for me.

I'm an israeli.

I was born here. My mother was born here. Her grandmother was born here. My grand grandmother fled here after the holocaust.

And you knkw what? You don't have to agree with the israel goverment, i mean if you'd look it up you'll see that almost no one here supports our current goverment. I wish i could sit with you and talk about the conflict and explain that it's nit really black and white as tumblr would like to believe, but i don't think that's a possibility.

But writing that we are "white settlers" is just... god. It's a lie. Not even just antisemtic lie, becuase 20% of israeli citizens are actually arabs (both muslims and christians). most of jewish populations are not even "ashkenazi" jews.

The interent currently is not a very reliable source of history (like, i've seen people claim we should call tel aviv "ahuzat bait" since it is its arab name. It's not. It's in hebrew, and the name of the first street if tel aviv when it was legally bought)

And if you ask why not let all the middle east countries participate in the eurivision - actually they let them. They just decided the quit when israel joined.

Again, I'm writing becuase I'm hurt. You can dissmiss it if you want, but i wish you wouldnt. Again, you dont need to post it or respond, i just wish you will think twice about what you hear or learn about a war the happens to other people, and doesnt affect you at all (some of us - on both sides - are actually afraid of dying).

Peace, love, and mostly peace.

oh bless you anon - i hope you're okay with me posting this, because i wouldn't be able to respond otherwise. i admit entirely i was being reductive - i haven't spoken a lot about this issue here because i'm afraid of letting emotion get the better of me, when i know how morally complex this issue is. i was being reductive - and i absolutely know there are a lot of israeli-born jewish people who are native to the land. and i know there are a lot of jewish people in israel who are against the occupation. and i know there is a huge population of israeli citizens who are against their government because the government is lying to their citizens just as much as they're lying to world.

but there is an image that the leading powers in israel want to paint to the world - the one they show in eurovision and any media presence (which they pour ungodly amounts of money into) - and it's of a very western, palatably white israel. i really would like you to know that when i refer to "israel" i refer only to the ruling powers that govern it - not the citizens that live there.

israel doesn't want you to see iraeli-born jews who are critical of their government and actually have been living peacefully alongside the muslim and christian population of the land for hundreds of years before the occupation. israel doesn't want to showcase that narrative, because that would show that actually the nation could've been peaceful and have equality for all it's people the whole time (because they've been doing it for HUNDREDS of years prior) and there was no reason to expel palestinians from their homes.

in eurovision, wants to show that israel has established this land and made it pristine and beautiful and countries should invest in this cosmopolitan utopia and new western culture that is so divorced from it's native people and it's history. palatable. marketable. clean. no war crimes here.

there's an unfortunate power imbalance in the world - and that's that some nations have the money and the power to curate and maintain a spotless public image - and other nations can't afford to keep the lights on in their hospitals.

i really love and appreciate you for coming into my inbox, anon. i think it's really brave and i really appreciate your voice and appreciate people like you. i know israel is a terrifying place to be right now - particularly for people who are critical of the government, you're under threat from both sides - you're distrusting of your own military, and there's the very real threat of hammas too. and i'm so, so sorry you're in that place and in that situation. and as someone who's born there, and your family being there for generations, the question of escape isn't as simple as settlers who can come and go freely. but i really, really hope you're safe and can stay safe. i'm so sorry your family went through all that you did, and that your family escaped one horror for another. this isn't the kind of world you should live in - and i'm praying that positive change will hold the israeli government accountable, and force them to prioritise their people.

not their "image", not how much power and money and land they hold. people. people - both israeli and palestinian, deserve to feel safe and heard and have a government that will protect them. it's the duty any power in the world should have to their people. and i feel like - if we deprive israel of their magical power to appear good and pristine and progressive palatable and clean of all blood in the eyes of the media - if we rob it of that, then they'll be forced to address these real problems within their government. they'll be forced to make amends. forced to apologise, and gain the world's favour again through real positive change.

i'm praying you're staying safe, anon. i really, really hope you and your family are safe. thank you so much for your message, and i'm sending you so much love from across the borders of the world.

[stormyoceans]

I postponed watching vice versa because I read reviews that there is a complicated plot. wtf are you writing this idiots!!!???🤬 it's not fucking interstellar to get tangled up in the plot!!! Because of you'll, I almost missed one of the best lakorns that is on tv!!!! damn I thought it was dramatic and confusing as triage. There's no way I'm going to read someone else's reviews anymore!😤

LITERALLY NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN PEOPLE WATCHING VICE VERSA NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME AND REALIZING IT'S AN ABSOLUTE TOP TIER BANGER OF A SHOW WHY YES THAT'S ONE OF THE BEST SERIES ON TELEVISION INDEED!!!!!!!!

im just so incredibly glad you decided to give vice versa a chance and ended up liking it, anon!!!! i do have to admit i've never quite understood people saying that vice versa has a confusing plot because i personally find both the concept and the execution pretty straightforward, but we all have different tastes, so while i quite enjoy reading reviews and think they can be helpful to guide our choices when there are so many things to watch, i also always approach them with some reservation

not sure why im rambling about this, probably because im very touched by your words and im not quite sure what to do with myself!!!!! idk if i deserve such high praises but you are incredibly sweet and i want you to know that i really appreciate this!!!!! it means a lot and i honestly can't wait to share the love for this show with you!!!!!

[imabillyami]

.

[taegularities]

Is cmi going to continue?🥹

hi there!! i really want it to, but it depends a lot on you guys, too 🥺 so far it's not going too bad or super great, but i also don't wanna say or decide anything yet – i'll wait a lil, since it's a long chapter and it might take people some time to get through it!! will see how things are in a week or so. in any case, support it a lot, loves. i do mean it when i say you can absolutely spam me.. definitely don't wanna abandon them <3

[shubblelive]

to the person that just came into my inbox saying the sweetest things about me and my writing i am now crying and it is your fault

[baronessblixen]

Sending you a big hug for your loss 🕊️🖤 I went to two funerals in my family a few weeks apart at the beginning of the year, it’s such a depressing episode of life. I hope you take care of yourself and are able to do whatever can cheer you up a little during this time. 🙏

I'm so sorry for your loss, anon. Sending you a hug right back ❤️ two funerals a few weeks apart is so rough. I can't even imagine. I know it's part of life, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I will try to take care of myself. You do the same too, please 🙏

[meteorologears]

i just did a triple backhand spring into the stratosphere seeing this omfgg TYSM FOR THE GIFT IT MADE ME SO GIDDY <3333 😭😭 I think this has also rewired my brain, spy you are not as slick as you think you are.. your person of interest is just so oblivious its painful (lovingly) ALSO love the fact scouts included cause as i was writing my thoughts previously i almost included saying 'maybe scout drags engi to watch something' so its nice to see that thought was sharedD. I can perfectly imagine spy in her own room watching the show and thoughtfully humming every time something romantic happens (mentally jotting it down) and!! as always i look forward to whatever you write next wether it be another request or a chapter 2!! as long as you enjoy writing it it’ll be amazing <33 :)c - yuri enthusiast

youre 100% welcome for the gift, I really love writing things for people and my inbox is ALWAYS open :)

YES im glad we were on the same wavelength about the Scout thing! I don't know what about it made that happen, she was supposed to be an offhand mention in the early lines about "oh yeah, Scout sees movies sometimes" and then it turned into "well actually it would be a good plot device to have Scout through this entire thing". And YES i did not include a spy in her room scene but that is roughly exactly what I was picturing to be happening there... her own fancy cable set up and running specifically to get that one show. and her soap opera dramas that run somtimes. i think she'd like them.

THANK YOU as always for your kind words! you are wonderful and thank you so much for the request/suggestion/whatever you'd call it, i appreciate it! i always enjoy writing, and this was a real treat for me. i hope you have a stellar day!

[maidragoste]

hiii can i request a jace velaryon x reader where they are betrothed and jace is head over heels for her but she doesn’t want to get married because she knows it’s a political marriage and she doesn’t think jace likes her because he avoids her (not really “avoids” but tries to keep distance by ending convos quickly or not sitting next to her during mealtimes etc) due to his crush and being nervous around her.

ps. i’m so sorry for you loss, my cats are my babies so i am sending you an extra tight hug :(

Hi, anon, thank you very much for your message 🫂🫂 I hope you are well 💖💖

I'm sorry it took me so long to finish your request but I hope you like the result 🥰🥰

As I always say, likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated because they motivate me to keep writing 🤭💖💖

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

To say that you are excited about your engagement would be a lie.

Well, actually, at first you were, after all, every girl's dream was to marry a prince. But any fantasy of a loving marriage was put to rest with your fiancé's attitude.

Jacaerys Velaryon is not a bad man, he is not rude or treats you badly. But he clearly doesn't like you. Every time you try to have a conversation with the prince he finds a way to excuse himself to quickly end any interaction with you. When he arrives after you to the dining room and you smile at him giving him a clear invitation to sit next to you, you always end up disappointed because he is going to sit next to his brothers. But you never felt so humiliated as right now. You thought he would ask you to dance, you were sure he was watching you from the other side of the room and when you saw that Prince Aegon, King Viserys' son, gave him a push towards where you were sitting you thought it was to encourage him to ask you to dance, but when Jacaerys approached instead of offering you his hand he gave it to Baela, who was sitting next to you. You stared at your lap feeling deeply embarrassed and wishing to go home.

Maybe the problem was that Jacaerys wanted a Valyrian bride and instead, he had to settle for you, a noble girl without a dragon or violet eyes. But if that was the reason why Jacaerys wasn't even forcing himself to make this not just a political marriage then you thought he was a fool.

You wanted the party to end so you could go to your chambers and write to your mother to beg her to convince your father to break off the engagement. You didn’t want to marry Jacaerys.

“Will you dance with me?”

You raised your eyes from your lap to see Aegon Targaryen, your fiancé’s younger brother. You felt mortified, you must have been such a pitiful sight that the kid decided to take pity on you and put you out of your misery.

“It would be an honor my prince” You took a while to reply but Aegon never got nervous, in fact, he seemed sure that you wouldn’t refuse him.

The little prince led you to the dance floor like a good gentleman and the two of you began to dance. You honestly thought that he would at least step on you by accident once but the truth is that he dances very well.

“My brother can be quite a fool sometimes,” Aegon said, drawing your full attention, and if you weren’t already so upset with Jacaerys, then you would have told him he shouldn’t talk about his own brother like that. “I think he acts like that with you because you make him nervous.”

“That sounds foolish,” you said, not allowing yourself to have any hope that your possible future brother-in-law is right.

“I told you, he’s a fool,” he said with a small smile before spinning you around.

You were shocked when you finished spinning and found that your new dance partner was none other than your headache: your fiancé. You tried hard not to feel anything when his hand took yours and his other hand placed itself on your hip.

“You look beautiful,” Jacaerys said, surprising them both because he hadn’t planned to say that out loud. “It’s not that you didn’t look beautiful the other days, you always look beautiful,” he quickly clarified, afraid that he had offended you unintentionally when he saw that you remained silent.

You bit your lip, trying not to smile when you noticed his nerves. Maybe Prince Aegon was right.

“Thank you, my prince. It’s good to know that you don’t displeasure me.”

“Displeasure me? “Why would you think I displeasure you?” His pretty brown eyes looked at you distraught.

“Because you don’t spend time with me,” you answered obviously. “You seem to prefer being anywhere than being with me. It’s a miracle that you’re dancing with me right now.” There was no harshness in your tone but Jacaerys still felt embarrassed. “You know your brother told me something interesting, I’d like to know if he’s right or wrong,” you said, drawing the prince’s attention.

“What did Aegon say to you?”

“He told me that I make you nervous and that's why you avoid me,” you replied cheekily and watched with delight as a slight blush appeared on his face upon being discovered.

“I am so sorry, my lady."I shouldn't have had such a shameful attitude,” he apologized, realizing that because of his nerves, he had given you the wrong idea. It had never been his intention to make you think he didn’t like you.

“I will not accept your apology,” your words were like a slap to him and he couldn’t help but tense up. You weren’t even married and he already managed to upset you. “At least until I see your change of attitude,” you declared and felt excited as you saw his eyes fill with determination. Suddenly he seemed to have gained confidence.

"I'll do it. I will reward you,” Jacaerys promised, determined to be a better fiancé and not disappoint you again. He wanted to lay the groundwork for a good marriage with you.

“I can’t wait to see that,” you smiled, and he quickly returned your smile, feeling happy that you were willing to give him another chance.

Taglist for all my House of the Dragon works:

@chaotic-fangirl-blog @venus-flytrap3 @ajordan2020 @iloveallmyboys @sweethoneyblossom1 @fudge13 @crystal-faith @tita004 @ichanelvxgue @snowprincesa1

@joyouart @rosey1981 @alastorhazbin @papichulo120627 @apollonshootafar @jasminecosmic99 @partypoison00 @labellapeaky

@rebelliuna @bxdbxtxh15 @impartinghades @thegirlnextdoorssister @angeliod @snh96 @aleemendoza2425-blog @natashaobo @watercolorskyy

@nyenye @savagemickey03 @kishie8 @ewwwitsel @arabis-world @missusnora @nzygftoji @alisoncdariel @cookielovesbook-akie @partnerincrime0

@klara-lily @427120lxld @justhereiguess2

@buckylahey @wa801 @artistadistrada2002 @thelastemzy @justanotherkpopstanlol @yn-jackson @jacesvelaryons @aemondwhoresworld @cassiopeiablogg-blog

hotd masterlist

[23victoria]

Special Delivery

carlos sainz x wife!reader, lando norris x reader, carlos x lando

wc: 810

authors note: thank you for the request anon🤍! first time writing about pregnancy, even though it wasn’t really detailed…not too confident about this but i hope you guys enjoy it!!! any feedback is appreciated and please like, comment, and reblog!!

wanna be tagged in my works? CLICK HERE

f1 masterlist

You sit in the hospital room, the soft hum of the machines around you creating a soothing backdrop to the miracle of life cradled in your arms. Carlos sits beside you, a proud and tender look in his eyes as he gazes at the tiny bundles you both hold. Twins. You still can't quite believe it. After months of anticipation and preparation, they're finally here.

Carlos leans over, his arm resting gently on your shoulder as he looks down at the babies. "They're perfect, cariño," he whispers, kissing your forehead. You smile, feeling a swell of love and contentment.

The door creaks open, and you both look up to see Lando standing there, a wide grin on his face. "Can I come in?" he asks, his voice filled with excitement and a hint of trepidation.

"Of course, mate!" Carlos says, his eyes lighting up as he sees his friend. Lando steps inside, closing the door softly behind him. His eyes are immediately drawn to the tiny babies in your arms.

"Wow," Lando breathes, stepping closer. "They're so small." He looks at you and Carlos with a mixture of awe and joy. "Congratulations, you two."

"Thanks, Lando," you say, your voice a little hoarse from the whirlwind of emotions. "Do you want to hold one?"

Lando's eyes widen. "Really? Can I?"

Carlos chuckles. "Of course. Here, sit down." He gestures to the chair beside the bed, and Lando quickly sits, his movements careful and deliberate.

You gently pass one of the babies to Carlos, who then places the tiny bundle into Lando's arms. Lando looks down at the baby, his face softening with a tender smile. "Hey there, little one," he whispers, his voice full of wonder.

Carlos reaches behind the chair and pulls out a small, wrapped box. "Lando, we have something for you," he says, his tone playful.

Lando looks up, surprised. "For me?"

"Yes, for you," you say, exchanging a knowing glance with Carlos. "It's a special gift."

Lando carefully adjusts the baby in his arms, holding the tiny head with one hand while he reaches for the gift with the other. He unwraps it slowly, his fingers trembling slightly with curiosity and excitement.

Inside the box is a small frame with a photo of Lando holding one of the babies, taken just moments ago. The frame has a heartfelt message inscribed: "Will you be our godfather?"

Lando's eyes widen, and he looks up at you both, his mouth opening and closing as if he's trying to find the right words. "I... Are you serious?"

"Absolutely," Carlos says, his voice thick with emotion. "We couldn't think of anyone better."

Tears well up in Lando's eyes, and he blinks rapidly, trying to hold them back. "I don't know what to say," he whispers, his voice cracking. "Thank you. This means everything to me."

You feel your own eyes misting over as you watch Lando's reaction. He looks back down at the baby in his arms, a single tear slipping down his cheek. "I promise I'll protect them forever," he says, his voice filled with determination and love. "I'll always be there for them."

He gently places the baby back in your arms and stands up, pulling you into a tight hug. "Thank you," he whispers in your ear. "Thank you so much."

You hug him back, your emotions overwhelming you. When he finally pulls away, he turns to Carlos and hugs him too, the two men sharing a moment of deep, unspoken bond.

Carlos claps Lando on the back. "You better not start crying too much, mate. You'll make us all cry."

Lando laughs, wiping at his eyes. "Too late for that."

You all laugh together, the room filled with joy and love. The babies stir slightly in their sleep, their tiny faces scrunching up before they settle back into peaceful slumber.

Lando looks at you both, his eyes still glistening with tears but his smile wide and genuine. "I'll be the best godfather ever," he promises. "And I'll teach them all the important things."

"Like what?" you ask, amused.

"Like how to pull off the perfect prank and how to get free money from their uncles!" Lando says, grinning.

Carlos chuckles, shaking his head. "I'm sure they'll love that."

You all laugh again, the sound warm and full of happiness. As the laughter dies down, Lando looks at the babies once more, his expression soft and tender. "Welcome to the world, little ones," he whispers. "You've got so much love waiting for you."

And in that moment, surrounded by the people you love most, you know that everything is exactly as it should be.

y/n_sainz

liked by carlossainzjr, landonorris, charlesleclerc, lewishamilton, beyoncé, versace, cartier, scuderiaferrari, and more

life has never felt so warm, my angels are finally here 🥹❤️

and daddy is looking good in the last pic 🤭

carlossainzjr i love you and this life our ours 🥰❤️

landonorris so proud to be the godfather to these beautiful babies 🥰

lewishamilton congrats guys!!! they are beautiful 🫶🏾❤️

charlesleclerc congratulations y/n and carlos!! 😘

comments have been limited

carlossainzjr

liked by y/n_sainz, landonorris, charlesleclerc, lewishamilton, maxverstappen, oscarpiastri, scuderiaferrari, and more

spending time with mi familia! 🥰❤️

landonorris beautiful 😍

charlesleclerc adorable 🥰

scuderiaferrari daddy carlos!! 🥹

oscarpiastri 🥰

maxverstappen beautiful family! 🥰

comments have been limited

.•☆.°.•.*₊ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• . .•☆.°.•.*₊ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164

✿ .° • carlos taglist • °. ✿ : @tellybearryyyy @magixpracticality

.•☆.°.•.*₊ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• . .•☆.°.•.*₊ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[ohbueckers]

HEART OF A WOMAN. i put the blame on me for giving you chance after chance … it’s my mind and my soul versus your pride.

00, PROLOGUE. AND THIS IS JUST THE INTRO.

ju speaks. finished this quicker than expected so thank you to that anon for getting me on it early LOL. find the masterlist link to all parts on my blog. lmk your thoughts! pairing. wnba!paige bueckers x fem!oc. warnings. language, angst, toxicity, cheating, etc … general warning!

flashback, april, 2025.

paige: i love you 3:49am

nailea: ?

i love you too

is everything good?

read 4:02am

paige: yeah i’m good baby

missing you ao baD

paige edited a message: missing you

nailea: i’ll see you so soon

i’m sorry i couldn’t make it today

i’m really proud of you

read 4:09am

you’d think by now i’d be numb to it. that i’d learned the script—memorized the lines, the rhythm of it. but as i sit here, scrolling through her saved chats with her, i don’t feel numb. i feel fucking dumb.

it’s not even the months i spent doubting her, the nights i’d start an argument because i just knew she was lying, only for her to stare at me with those wide, innocent eyes and make me feel like the problem. no. it’s knowing that three nights ago, when she texted me after the game, telling me she loved me, that she missed me—that wasn’t real. that was just her guilt talking, a cheap cover-up. because that night, after winning her precious championship, paige found someone else to help her celebrate. and all because i couldn’t be there.

i don’t even have it in me to appreciate the short time she wasn’t doing anything behind my back. we’d had a conversation, a serious one, and it was enough for a bit. but there’s pictures, videos, a few from that night, and i feel sick.

the door opens behind me, and i barely flinch.

“yo, i forgot my—“ my bloodshot eyes meet hers, still holding onto the faintest trace of a smile. she has to notice i’ve been crying. has to see what she’s done.

it’s only been ten minutes. the breakfast spot’s close, maybe two blocks. she must’ve turned around. guilt? instinct? doesn’t matter now.

“nai.”

i glance down at her open phone, and so does she. i can’t see her reaction, but i’m sure it’s anything but pleasant. “oh, i can’t even fucking look at you,” i spit, letting out a breathy laugh as i push myself to stand, heading towards the door.

before i can even take a step, she’s in full defense mode. paige tosses her keys onto the bed with a clatter, closing the door behind her, planting herself firmly in front of it like she’s ready to block my any attempt to walk out. “you’re not leavin,’ bro. hold on.” she furrows her eyebrows, mumbling more to herself as she pulls me away by my arm. quite effortlessly might i add, i couldn’t really fight it.

“move, paige,” i demand. i just want out. want to be anywhere she isn’t.

“nah, we’re gonna talk. sit your ass down.”

“about what?” i laugh, cold and bitter, as i wipe my face again. she’s stupid for thinking i’ll listen to anything she says now, i know that much. “about how you played in my face, yet again? how you kept telling me to trust you when i knew better? or maybe we’ll talk about how the second i wasn’t here, you went right back to her.”

she wasn’t special. she isn’t. i’m sure paige doesn’t even know her middle name. she was just… there. someone to sex her up the way i couldn’t from across the country. it wasn’t like we didn’t see each other every chance we had, but i’ll be damned to let her live a double life. i wish i wasn’t so in deep.

paige steps forward, her hand reaching for mine, eyes softening in some pathetic attempt at damage control. “look, it was one night, alright? it was a mistake, nai, you gotta chill.”

chill.

i yank my hand back. “how many times does one night happen with you, huh?” i squint. “because this isn’t just one mistake, paige. this is you, every time.” the word tastes sour, and i spit it right back at her.

i’m not a doormat. i’m not one of the girls paige bueckers happened to pick up on her way to the top. i was here from the very beginning, and i couldn’t fathom how that wasn’t enough for her. all you could ever want is to grow into love with someone, but paige and i only go backwards, and i don’t think i’m capable of sitting around and letting that happen anymore.

paige’s mouth twists, some shadow of remorse that’s barely visible as she shifts from foot to foot. her hair’s still tousled from last night, strands falling across her forehead, a disheveled mess that somehow makes her look both beautiful and utterly wrecked. it makes my stomach turn���how i’d been unknowingly in the same spot as another girl just a few days ago, her hands roaming through that same hair, leaving their mark where mine should have been.

“let me get it right this time then.” paige’s head tilts back slightly, her eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that’s almost hypnotic, like she’s daring me to believe her, to give her yet another chance. i hesitate, against all logic, caught up in her. for a second, the anger knots itself up, caught in my throat, tangled in the remnants of whatever feelings she hasn’t managed to destroy.

we just stand there, inches apart, eyes locked, her breath barely steady, mine coming in tight and shallow. her hand lifts again, just slightly, as if she’s about to reach for me again, and i feel that familiar pull—like i’m right on the edge of giving in, of letting her words undo the mess she’s made.

my eyes glance down at her phone in my hand, and i can’t help but think about how sick i am of fucking words.

before i can second-guess myself, my hand jerks forward, and i launch her phone across the room. it skids across the floor, clattering against the wall, and she turns at the sound, head lolling against the door.

paige’s hand slides down her face as she lets out a low, humorless chuckle, her shoulders slumping back. her gaze flicks from her phone again, undamaged but undeniably thrown by an angry girlfriend ex, and then back to me, all narrowed. “you throwin’ my shit now?”

“fetch it. matter fact…” paige’s mouth opens, then closes as she watches me rip her oversized tee off like it’s some dirty rag. the shirt hits her chest and slides down to the floor, and she just stands there, staring at it with her jaw clenched so tight i can practically hear her grinding her teeth. “you can take all your shit back with it. i’m done,” i seethe.

paige looks back up, scoffing. “oh, you’re done?”

i turn on my heel, making my way to my suitcase. paige doesn’t move as i fall to my knees, throwing one of my own shirts over my head. i’m packing my things up frantically, silently, and i can tell it makes her feel unsettled.

“you’re not leaving, nailea.” she doesn’t sound so sure of herself now, and that only makes me move quicker.

i sniffle, even though i’m way past being sad over this. “i’ll stay with az until i can catch a flight. and i’ll ship all your stuff to storrs once i’m back.” i’m declaring my plan out loud, though i’m sure the mounds of her belongings that’ve accumulated in my apartment over the years is the last thing on her mind.

but then she moves, steps around the suitcase, stopping me with a quiet urgency, her fingers reaching toward my face. i pull back instinctively, turning my head, but she follows, her hands slowly cupping my head, steadying me as if i’m the one slipping. “paige, stop.” i mutter, shrugging my shoulders, trying to shake her off. but her fingers tighten, her eyes softer, pleading.

“c’mon…” she whispers. and then, slowly, she sinks down to her knees, meeting me there, her eyes desperately searching mine.

i swallow, hard, stopping my movements. “quit—“

“lemme fix it.” she mumbles, the words laced with something i can’t decipher, something that might’ve been real if it didn’t come too late.

i look up, and for the first time, i see something that almost looks like panic in her eyes. her thumb is focused on tracing the tear streaks on my cheek, and i have to force myself to think about why they’re there in the first place. because of her.

i don’t give her a chance to say another word. “you should’ve thought about that before there was anything to fix,” i say softly.

i turn away, reaching to grip the zipper of my suitcase. the metallic sound rips through the quiet, and it’s the finality of it that makes it feel like the right choice, like i actually just let go.

but with paige, nothing ever stays that simple, that clean.

[eupheme]

Can you imagine sending Logan nudes lmaooo. If you have any time would you make a little drabble about sending Wade and Logan nudes and their reactions (,:

oooh hi anon, this is so 👀 to think about!! I feel like they would both be incredibly appreciative for sure (just like - knowing you were thinking about them would be such an ego boost for both) - I feel like Wade would be over the moon and so complimentary. and Logan might be a little more old-school. admiring, of course - no one’s sent him something quite like this before. He’d keep it safe - pull it out when he’s really missing you.

I have a little drabble for each below! Just a fun pov of them receiving them 💖 thank you so much for sending this!!

SENDING WADE & LOGAN YOUR ✨PHOTOS ✨

wade wilson x gn!reader | logan howlett x gn!reader

WADE

Wade is out - but it doesn’t matter, not when his sweetie pie snookums is messaging him. As soon as the metal gear alert chimes, he’s peeling away from the group to check your text.

Teeth sinking into knuckles when he sees the pretty picture you sent him - hard enough to bruise if he wasn’t already healing.

All that skin, bared for him to see. Red leather spread out beneath - something resting against your parted lips.

With a tap, it’s already the new background of his phone. Your contact photo as well - his thumbs moving a mile a minute as he texts you.

> baby.

> BABY.

> fuck, you look so fucking good.

> I’m SO fucking hard right now

> Is that my suit? IS THAT BABY KNIFE???

Your messages comes back instantly

> why don’t you come over and see? ❤️

“Fuck, I love you.” He groans, palming himself as he texts something back. Emojis, a random press of letters, he has no idea. Doesn’t fucking matter.

Throwing out the quickest goodbye he’s ever managed as he power-walks through the bar - still talking a mile-a-minute as he passes the shared table.

“Gotta go, listen - Avengers-level stuff here. The Marvel Jesus beacon has been lit, I am legally obligated to answer the call-”

Ignoring the chorus of questions that follow -

Because he’s got somewhere really goddamn important to be.

LOGAN

It’s late, when Logan hear the ping of his cell. His head tilting back on the couch, as he swipes through to his messages.

A breath held, when he sees what you sent him.

He lifts up on an elbow - a confirmation that the door is shut behind him. Keen senses catching the slow breathing in the room behind, before he settles back down.

Phone held close, as he looks at your message again.

He’s used to old, grainy polaroids. A hint of intimacy, tucked into a pocket when he enlisted. It’s nothing compared to this.

Bared skin. So much implied in the way your hand curves - hiding what he wants to see. The peek of his flannel at your wrists, before the rest is cropped with the angle.

An aching swell to his cock, as his hand drops to snake beneath the waistband. Squeezing himself, as he bucks into his palm.

A second, before his thumb is tapping on your contact. He can hear the smile in your voice the second you answer his call.

“You liked it, baby?”

His eyes close at the soft coo of your voice.

“Yeah. Fuck yeah,” He rasps, “You just take that?”

You hum your answer, and his fist tightens. A bitten-back groan, as his eyes close. Picturing the photo again. Picturing you.

“Fuck. Keep going, sweetheart.” Logan groans, “‘m right there with you. Wanna hear you when you come.”

thanks again for sending this! 💖

[muletia]

[tfp] obsessed!optimus prime x human!reader

summary: you cuddle, that's it :)

cw: fluff, comfort, pinch of angst, established relationship, silliness, extremely self-indulgent, the idea spawned in my head and i had to write it immediately

word count: 1200

an: for the anons and non-anons in my inbox: i see you and i appreciate every ask you sent me, some ideas are really lovely and cute and i will write drabbles about them. i just don't want to force myself to write 24/7 because i get burn out very easily, so it may take me some time to answer you all :DD

You can see it in his optics right away. Sadness, regret, exhaustion. He’s utterly drained, even if his frame doesn’t betray it. Always upright, with perfect posture, to set an example, to be a symbol for his people. But you’ve seen through that facade for a long time now.

He approaches you, a small human sitting on his berth with a book in your hands, wrapped in a blanket. And even despite the exhaustion, despite the chaos undoubtedly storming in his processor, he smiles at you. It's faint, but tender, joyous just to be in your presence.

“Hey,” you greet him softly, returning his smile. “How did the mission go?”

“Greetings, my dearest. Unfortunately, it did not end in success.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you... want to talk about it?”

The smile fades, replaced by bitterness. The Prime returns, the leader is back. As much as he wanted to tell you everything, the wound was too fresh, too raw. He wasn’t ready to revisit those memories—not yet. He would rather think of you, only you. That was his plan for tonight, for the scraps of time you had left together. It was enough for you to just be by his side, to meet his gaze now and then, to smile. He wouldn’t ask for more; he wouldn’t dare.

“I sincerely apologize, but I do not feel comfortable discussing it at this moment. However, I shall divulge the details to you later.”

“All right, I totally understand. I don't want to push you into anything.”

“For that, I am deeply grateful.”

“But! Are you sure there’s nothing I can do for you?”

“Your presence alone suffices for me.”

You weren’t entirely convinced. Optimus never asked for more. Never demanded, never took the lead. Sometimes he would request but never initiate. You wonder how you even ended up as a couple. How long he must have suppressed his feelings before you realized your own. But you quickly push those thoughts aside. They’re painful and, most importantly, they belong to the past.

“I don’t know... that feels like it’s not enough.” You know he’s about to protest, to launch into a monologue about how he doesn’t expect more from you, so you cut him off. “Wait. I know what you’re going to say, but this time, I want to actually help you. Have you ever... cuddled?"

His optics widen slightly. He wasn’t expecting that question, nor your assertiveness. But now, he’s profoundly grateful for it.

“I am familiar with the term, though I have never partaken in… cuddling. On Cybertron, other customs of expressing affection were prevalent.”

You’ll have to ask him about that later.

“I see. Would you like to cuddle now?”

Your question catches him off guard. He hesitates. If he says ‘yes,’ he’ll be stepping into completely uncharted territory, stripped of control over himself, entirely at your mercy. If he says ‘no,’ he’ll miss the experience of human affection, of tasting a relationship from your perspective, a human perspective. And it might hurt your feelings, which was the last thing he wanted.

“Yes,” he whispers.

Your wide smile is reward enough for him, though the best is yet to come.

You slide the blanket off one side of your body and pat the empty space beside you. The message is clear, and Optimus knows what to do. Fortunately, he still has enough energy to mass-displace, which he does in a matter of seconds, shrinking to a still-imposing three meters.

“Amazing,” you whisper.

He kneels on both knees to reduce the height difference even further. You’ll still have to climb onto his thighs to make the hug work, but you appreciate the effort. Now, it’s all in your hands.

Even in this position, he’s perfect—straight back, arms resting neatly by his sides. A few indecent ideas cross your mind; you know exactly how to take advantage of his submissiveness towards you. But those plans are for later. This is not the time to be lewd.

“If you feel uncomfortable, let me know right away,” you say, approaching him slowly.

You climb onto his thighs, watching his expression closely for any sign of discomfort, for anything he might not voice but would betray through body language. Luckily, you find nothing—not even when you’re face-to-face with him.

With your fingertips, you gently caress the metal where a human would have a cheek. You’re delicate, exploring uncharted territory. Stroking his cheek as a titan was one thing, but this form was new to you, just as it was to him. So you take your time, allowing him to adjust to the new circumstances, to this form of affection. Your hands move to the back, brushing against his audials until they encircle his entire helm. You shift slightly to the side to complete the embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck and resting your head against the side of his.

You don’t expect him to return the hug. This time, you expect nothing from him. This is an experiment, a trial. You just want him to stop thinking about everything that happened on the mission and start thinking about the here and now. To focus on you, on the skin-to-metal contact, on the fact that, for now, he doesn’t have to return to the battlefield. That he’s safe. So you’re surprised when you feel heavy hands on your back, enveloping you completely. But you don’t comment; you don’t say a word about it. You let him, because he deserves it.

His world narrows down to you. To your hair, tickling the back of his helm, to the warm skin pressing against his metal. To your softness, your breath, your heartbeat. To your scent, which he knows so well. You surround him from every angle, allowing him to forget the failure he suffered today. You fill his processor, already overloaded with thoughts of you, with even more admiration for your actions—for how you wanted to help him, even though he never asked you to. You are his universe, his galaxy, his sun around which he orbits. His alpha and omega, his beginning and his end.

This position and action are foreign to him, uncharted, incomparable to any other sensation. It wasn’t like holding you on his shoulder; it wasn’t like reminiscing about your smile. This was something new, far more intimate, and not yet fully understood by him. But it was beautiful and captivating. Raw.

“Everything will be all right,” you assure him, your voice resonating through his entire frame. “Everything is all right.” He believes you.

He can’t tell how long the two of you remain locked in each other’s embrace, but eventually, he feels you shifting. The last thing he wants to do now is let you go, still lost in your closeness, but he has no intention of holding you against your will. He releases you from his grasp, and you pull back from his chassis, leaving behind an unpleasant coldness. He wants you back there, pronto.

“Did you like it?” you ask with a smile, your thumb starting to stroke his cheek.

“Immensely,” he replies, looking into your eyes. A smile creeps onto his faceplate. “Might I request another cuddle?”

[bratbby333]

oh em GEEEE IMAGINE GAMER BF SUKUNA WANTING TO PLAY MINECRAFT W YOU BUT HES STUBBORN SO HE DOESNT ADMIT IT BUT YOU CATCH HIM PLAYING BY HIMSELF ON HIS OWN PC AND YOU TEASE HIM SAYING HE COULDVE JUST ASKED 💔💔��💔💔

gamer!bf sukuna fluff—sfw !! cw: language. smau + blurb

with a quick kiss on your forehead, sukuna informs you he’s running competitive games on COD for a cash prize and emphasizes that he needs you to leave him alone so he can focus. god, he can be such a diva.

you’ve been curled up on the couch for an hour or so, aimlessly scrolling through your phone. sukuna is holed up in the office, most likely talking shit and being a menace online.

a brief yell echoes through your apartment, followed by a quick slam of his fists against his desk.

“im done with this shit,” he exclaims, most likely quitting the game he was in. it seems he didn’t win his competition.

you giggle to yourself, shaking your head. you find it amusing how angry he gets during his games. but, you do feel a bit bad that he lost, so you decide to invite him to a voice call on discord.

as you navigate to your private chat with him, you watch as his status changes from “playing COD” to…wait. that can’t be right…minecraft? no way. that’s impossible.

you give it 30 minutes to see if it was just an accidental click. when you check back, his status remains the same.

you smirk as you open up your messages, eager to see if he’ll confess.

you giggle to yourself as you stand from the couch, taking quick steps down the hall.

as you push open the office door, a cheeky grin can’t help but pull at your cheeks as you approach him.

you join him at the desk, taking a seat in front of your monitor. “you’re so stubborn, ya know that?”

“i told you not to speak of this ever again,” he muttered, aimlessly walking around minecraft as he waits for your computer to boot up.

“lemme just hear you say it,” you tease.

“say what?” he asks, turning to face you, a look of annoyance on his face at your adamance to continue this conversation.

“you like minecraft,” you replied simply, raising your eyebrows. “just admit it and i’ll never say another word.”

he stared at your for a minute, his jaw clenching and unclenching. with a heavy sigh, he turns back to his monitor, grumbling an almost inaudible, “i like minecraft,” with a roll of his eyes.

but it’s a lie. a dirty little secret. he doesn’t just like it, he loves it. he especially loves how happy you get when the two of you play together, as much as he tries to deny it.

the two of you spend the next three hours running around minecraft. sukuna is clearly enjoying himself, though you can tell he’s attempting to hide it with an abrupt clear of his throat or a quick cough to cover up his laughter.

a warm feeling spins around your stomach, giggling as you watch him fight back a persistent smile the entire time.

an: thank you for your request my sweet anon. this was adorable.

i really want to start doing smau’s ugh they’re just so cute and fun to make. i have a full-length fic coming up that incorporates them into the story!! this is my way of experimenting w that format…please let me know what you think! in a way, i feel like it makes the story more real.

thank you for all your support 🥺🫶🏼 i wanna give every single one of yall a big ole smooch on the forehead

my asks are always open. don’t be shy, drop a suggestion, send feedback, leave a request, or just come say hello! i love talking to yall 💛

likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated !!

bratbby333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do not distribute. 2024.

[notjustjavierpena]

I just wanted to come on here and say that I really appreciate you choosing to write about wife’s strained relationship with her family. As someone also struggling with that part of their life it’s beautiful to see that even if one part of your life is not great one can find beauty and love in another and create their own family.

The life that Javi and Wife have build together is an immense privilege to read.

Solace (Drabble)

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: Hi anon, I have gotten a few of these messages a few times and it makes me wonder if they are from the same person. If not, it feels incredibly privileged to give people this kind of comfort through fiction. I tried writing a little drabble for you, and I hope that you like it. I’m so sorry that your family cannot see how amazing you are 💖

Summary: A certain kind of sorrow hits you when you are alone with your infant son for the first time.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Tags: Angst, hurt/comfort, exploration of strained relationship with family, non-descriptive talk about emotional neglect, kisses, tears and eternal love.

Word count: 1.5k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52937182/chapters/152266855

Solace

It’s been a long day. That’s all there is to say when Javier walks through the door with a cheerful smile as he sees you on the couch, cross-legged and rocking newborn Lucas in your arms as he sleeps soundly.

It has been a week of being trapped inside a blissful baby bubble together, cocooned in the wonder of being a family of three for the first time. However, today the reality of everyday life has finally caught up with you both. It has been the first time you have been without your husband here to help and at the same time, you haven’t been alone with your thoughts since earning your new role as a mother yet.

You hate to see Javier’s smile falter as tears fall from your eyes in relief from seeing him, have never wanted to be the reason he doesn’t smile when reunited with you and his baby boy. It has probably been on his mind since he locked up the sheriff’s office.

He doesn’t say a word, just drops his bag and crosses the room in what seems to be only a few long strides. When he reaches you, he drops down to one knee on the floor next to you on the couch. He is so sweet when he brushes a tear from your cheek, catching one that threatens to drop onto Lucas’ onesie too.

“You did so well today,” he praises softly, switching to use the back of his hand when several teardrops start to roll down your already streaked face. He finds that it isn’t enough and quickly unbuttons the sleeve on his dress shirt with his teeth to use the fabric to dab your face dry, “Shh, baby, I’m here now.”

You wish it was only the exhaustion of being alone with Lucas the whole day that was bearing down on you but it is not. Instead, it is a much deeper ache that has racked through your body and soul today, an ache that you’ve known for years and do not know how to soothe.

“I missed you,” you whisper to Javier. You let out a shaky breath, trying to hold it together in case a sob will disturb Lucas in his sleep. He sleeps on so peacefully, completely unaware of the overwhelming emotions in the room. You reach to run your finger over his little cheek, admiring the faint dark hair on his head.

In front of you, Javier pushes himself off the ground to sit beside you on the couch. He looks at you with a gentle understanding in his eyes and then down at his son before wrapping an arm around your back. You tilt your head to rest it on his shoulder, becoming more aware of his warmth.

“I missed you too, Mamá. You’re exhausted, let me take him,” he whispers back, rubbing your arm soothingly, “Has it been that crazy today?”

“No, it’s been fine,” you say quickly because it is the truth; Lucas is an easy baby compared to so many stories that other people have been telling you in preparation, thinking that they’re being helpful. You gently make the transfer, careful not to drop his head and shift him into Javier’s arms, “He’s been so good to me.”

“But?” Javier cradles his infant son in his arm while the other still wraps around you.

“But I didn’t expect… to miss my mom,” you reply with shame coating your voice. You feel Javier’s hand stop tracing your arm, his body pulling slightly away from you to look at you properly. There’s a questioning look on his face, furrowed brows.

“Your mom?” He asks in confusion.

“Yeah, well… not her, clearly,” you clarify with a little embarrassed smile that won’t convince anyone that you’re not hurting from saying it like that, “I just realized how alone I am in this. And I’m not saying that you’re not doing enough but… I just wish I had a mom who was different.”

Javier doesn’t reply for a moment, patiently waiting for you to elaborate without judgment on his face. You swallow thickly, “I’ve been alone all day and I kept wishing she could be the kind of mother who would come over and hold Lucas while I take a nap, who would reassure me that I’m doing it right, that I’m a good enough mom.”

You hear Javier say your name softly while you look down into your lap, a feeling of relief and sadness mixing together in your chest. It feels good to say it but it doesn’t fix the gaping pain in your heart of what could have been. You pick at your fingers and finally, tears start to fall down onto your shirt, no longer able to drip onto your baby, “I just… It would have been really nice to have had a mom who felt like I feel about Lucas.”

Javier drags you closer. You automatically curl up beside him, pulling your legs up onto the couch and turning your body towards your husband. You reach out for Lucas to brush a hand over his stomach, his little mouth hanging open and his chest moving steadily.

“I look at Luke and I just instinctively think that I would do anything to keep him from hurting. Why didn’t she feel like that? Why did I get the mom who hurt me?” You babble through silent tears, once more keeping a sob at bay for your son, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even sit here and complain. I know it’s not fair— at least, I have a mom, and you—“

Javier’s fingers that have been resting on your arm slide up to cradle the side of your head, guiding you to fall carefully into him until he can press his lips to your temple. He takes a breath and sighs, “You’re not all alone in wanting more. We can both grieve what we didn’t have. Even if it’s for different reasons.”

“I know,” you look down at Lucas with softening eyes, wiping a few tears away but they’re just replaced with new ones, “But what if I am bound to become her? I sometimes feel like she’s contaminated me.”

Yet as you have said those words, Lucas makes a noise in his sleep and you are on him in less than a second. You reach to put your finger in his small flexing hand, a rush of dopamine flowing through you from merely touching him. You smile through tears.

Javier says your name again to get your attention. He also shifts slightly so he can lift your head by your chin, eyes sure as he talks, “How you feel… I know I can’t fix it, but I can tell you that you are the mom he needs and deserves. Every worry or sleepless night you endure for him is proof of that. You are doing so well by just being there.”

“Javi,” you whimper with a trembling voice.

“I’m not done. Listen to me,” he interrupts you before you can tear his words apart, “He’ll never wonder how much you love him. Not with the way you’re looking at him right now, not with how you reach for him the second he needs you. You think you are your past? If anything, you’ve taught me the exact opposite.”

His hand lets go of your chin to cup your chin. He brushes a tear away and leans in to rest his forehead against yours. You finally find the right words when you’ve released a breath you didn’t know you were holding, “That’s how I feel about you. That I never doubt how much you love me, not with how you’re looking at me right now.”

Javier smiles at you and you feel your heart flutter, nearly melting into the cushions as he replies, “Tú y yo para siempre, mi amor (You and me forever, my love).”

“Thank you,” you whisper and the tears on your face turn into gratitude in an instant. You give him a soft kiss on his mouth before the two of you sit in comfortable silence for a while on the couch together.

Lucas starts to stir fifteen minutes later. His tiny face scrunches up before he opens his mouth and lets out a soft fuss, yawning with the whole of his body. You reach instinctively for him but Javier tuts at you.

“Let me take care of him for a while, Mamá,” he says with a tone in his voice that always reassures you. Despite the intense desire to protest, you can feel your body already giving in at the idea of getting a break and the emotions from just a moment ago have tired you out.

“Okay,” you nod hesitantly and it earns you a loving kiss from your husband before he gets up. As he leaves you to sleep, you can hear him murmur softly to his son, mentioning you in the midst of his one-sided conversation. It sets it in stone; everything will be just fine and if Lucas were to forget you in the little time that you are apart, Javier will be there to remind him of you.

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[primofate]

About boycotting Genshin Impact: Natlan skin colour issue and McDonalds.

(Read if you care about these issues and care about what I'm doing.)

If you are only here for a TLDR and want to know if I'm still writing Genshin fanfiction here's the short story: (I appreciate all the encouraging messages and all the love, but I may need to find another platform if things aren't working out here. If that day comes I will surely post over here and let you know where I've gone, but for now, though it is quite unpleasant, I do like and am used to the tumblr format. )

Long post starts here:

Decided to finally say something about this, because I feel like I've read up adequately about things.

First off, to the anon who claimed that I didn't care (who revealed their real identity in my inbox and apologized) I appreciate your bravery and also appreciate the apology. But I'm not going to lie to you, I don't really care for your presence around here, specially after what happened.

About the Natlan issue and the lack of tan/brown/dark skinned colour characters,

I understand why people are upset. I had a conversation with someone about this on tumblr, on how me, myself, I get upset when there is a lack of FEMALE main characters in games (I am mostly talking about the Persona Franchise, the main characters are always MALE, time and time again I always wait for a FEMALE MC, but am always disappointed that it hasn't happened EXCEPT of course, for P3 Portable and P2EP. Finally you had the option to play as Female, but that was it. I mean, it's 2024. WHY is there a lack of FEMALE MC in Persona? Anyhow, that is a different topic altogether.) so I can see how it could be disappointing for POC to see less or even NO characters that are POC.

That part, I totally understand.

All of your actions, boycotting, not rolling, not playing the game, being free to play, I UNDERSTAND all of that.

Now, recently there has been a big issue with Genshin Impact collaborating with McDonalds, because the chain supports Israel (but McDonalds is a franchise... and different owners have different ways of using their ownership of the chain/profit they make off it, so idk how that equals to all McDonalds support Israel. Educate me on this if I'm wrong.) People are saying that they are uninstalling the game because of it.

Again, I UNDERSTAND why you would do that.

I think what I need to address is what I am going to do.

And I'm not gunna lie to you, I don't think I'm going to stop playing the game (and I don't spend much money in game in the first place).

Does it mean that I support the bad situations they've put themselves in or the bad choices they've made? No, but of course there will be people who will say I play the game = I support their thoughts. Can it not just be simply I play the game = I enjoy the game/story?

I am being transparent and I think that's better than some of the people online who keep saying they won't play anymore but you KNOW some of them still do. Like, come on. Don't lie.

If that makes me a bad person according to you judgers out there, then so be it. Who really are you to claim I'm a bad person just because I play a game? Do you know what kinds of things I do in real life? What groups I help out and what organizations I donate to? What really do you know about what I do in real life? Maybe think about that before pointing your finger at someone online, and maybe think about what YOU are doing in real life too, instead of just being keyboard fighters, have you done anything to enhance the lives of other people?

Am I still going to write Genshin fanfiction?

Honestly if I stop doing it, it's because the interaction here on tumblr has been so toxic. LESS people commenting and interacting, I don't really mind much because I enjoy writing in general, I don't do it for you, I do it for me.

I am STILL writing, but at a slower pace because of my real life plus everything that's surrounding the game and the toxicity at the moment. I am even considering not posting on tumblr and just releasing stories like Ruthless Prince, stories that would be available through physical copy or ebooks that you have to pay for (that way I don't get nasty interactions and messages and those who really want to read my stuff can just pay and enjoy it) but as you all know, I'm not money hungry, I still post a lot of free stuff over here, but again, I'm not going to lie, there isn't much reason for me to post on tumblr anymore, specially with all the controversies and attacking going on.

I appreciate all the encouraging messages and all the love, but I may need to find another platform if things aren't working out here. If that day comes I will surely post over here and let you know where I've gone, but for now, though it is quite unpleasant, I do like and am used to the tumblr format.

The End.