#i realize now that the writing is very disconnected and so are the drawings but bear with me here. do you see my vision

[nanamiscocksleeve]

Reading While Cockwarming Them

Warnings: MDNI, PIV, general sex, teasing, some name calling and sadism in Geto's part. A/n: Found an old WIP that I half wrote then gave up on because I couldn't find the inspiration. I'm glad I got back into it because I almost feel like my JJK writing has become rusty nowadays, and I'm thrilled to find some ideas that might still feel new.

The book is open on the bed, right under your pretty, flushed face as you kneel on all fours, Satoru’s cock nestled comfortably in your slick pussy. 

Your mouth is moving, and you see the little black characters on the page, but your speech is slurred and syrupy as you try to form intelligible sounds. 

“The…he-he-ro…isn…ways…to…”

“What’s that baby?” Satoru taunts as he slides out of your drooling cunt, all patience and sweet smiles. He feels how your walls clench in protest as you try to keep him in, his tip almost out of your tight, wet, hole.

“Toru please…” you whine, knowing his enticing length was right there, but he was getting off on seeing you swallow your words. Determination that had been ample in hand at the beginning of this session had now gone flying out the window. You just had to insist that Satoru couldn’t fuck you dumb with his cock, denying his claims, and now you’re forced to swallow your pride as you realize you can’t focus on a damn thing. The letters all look like squiggles to you and your tongue refuses to cooperate, only allowing you to pant and babble nonsense.

“You’re the one that said you would read me a bedtime story.” He arches his hips away from you as he feels you lift your ass, hoping to slip him back in. “And so far I can’t understand a word you’re saying. I’m hoping this helps.”

You moan in frustration and try to focus your hazed mind on the print. “The hero isn’t always right. As told in the story we’re about to embark on-” Your breath hitches as Satoru glides back into your warmth as you started to read. The hot length of his cock spreads you apart so invitingly messing with your head.

“Oh don’t feel like you have to stop on my account sweetheart. Keep going. Just testing how deep I need to go before you start going dumb again.” Not very deep based on his observations. He’s barely halfway sheathed and your speech had already become halting and incorrigible. He slips out slightly and you clear your throat trying to not to sob and admit defeat. 

“Our story takes place in a time of old and ooohhh…” The sensual groan leaves you unrestrained as he pushes further in.

“Hmm so about three fourths of the way,” Satoru muses, looking at how much of him was buried inside you. “Keep reading. Trying to fine tune this pussy. I was promised a bedtime story.”

He starts to thrust slowly, letting you feel each inch of him as he withdraws before sliding back in, never bottoming out and leaving you aching with the knowledge that you're only half full. You're not even trying to focus on the words now, just moaning and knowing you'll likely have to let him win if you wanted anything tonight. 

“Satoru please…” You whine as he starts to drag his fingers along your moist slit, finding your bud and circling it expertly. 

“Aw. No bedtime story for me tonight?” he asks mockingly as he draws out a moan from you. You shake your head and he grins triumphantly. “Next time then. We'll train your pussy to not disconnect from your brain.”

Kento can’t stand the thought of not having physical intimacy. Cockwarming was his way of reconnecting, of being able to touch you, feel your soft skin and the warmth of your body, even if he was too tired for sex. 

The bed is so inviting, and your back rests against his chest as his cock pulses with life inside you. Warm sheets are wrapped around your bodies as you sit on his thighs with a book on your lap. Kento's chin rests on your shoulder as you read, his eyes tracking the words as the story flows from your lips, his breath tickling your neck. The atmosphere in the room is almost balmy as his hands massage yours, fingers molding to the spaces in between. Your pussy occasionally clenches around his velvety cock, enjoying the way he filled and stretched the space inside. 

“Are you paying attention?” You tease and pat his cheek to draw his attention back to the story. His large hands had started to wander from yours and were flirting with your ribcage, cradling your breasts in his palms and squeezing enticingly. After a long day, the massage felt more relaxing than arousing and you indulge him for a moment before asking again. “Kento…the story.”

“I am paying attention darling. It looks like our protagonist accidentally discovered something he wasn’t supposed to.” He thumbs your nipples, which had already pebbled from the squeezing, through the sheets and you throw your head back onto his shoulder, biting your lip and letting out a hushed sigh. Your juices had steadily dripped from your core and were pooling at the base of his cock, leaving a ring of wetness on his hard shaft.

“Are you sleepy?” Kento’s lips ghost the shell of your ear and you mumble a tired yes. His chuckle resonates in your ear, deep and rich, and he takes the book away and places it on the nightstand. “It’s all right,” he reassures you as he starts to lay you both down on the bed. “We can find out what happens tomorrow.” He rearranges the sheets while you settle your head down comfortably on the pillow. Sleep overtakes you quickly but you can feel Kento pressing little kisses down your neck.

“Do you mind…?” He whispers, and your half-awake brain manages to slur a yes. You knew what he was asking, and you honestly didn’t mind. His snug cock thrusts ever so sweetly inside you as he tries not to rouse you too much from sleep, breathing steadily into your hair as he tries to orgasm.

The slick heat from being inside you for so long helps in his efforts, lazily stroking your inner walls at an unhurried pace. Your languid body barely stirs as he sets up a deliciously slow pace, quiet squelches issuing from your pussy as he rocks his hips against your ass. He bites his lip as he nears his climax, letting out a muffled groan as his hot cum is released into your warm canal. 

“Darling…focus…” His clever fingers which were playing with your pulsing clit halt, and his cock, snug in your pussy, remains there, barely providing any friction. You whine and look at him pleadingly but he tuts at you, waving the little study booklet in front of your face. “Can you repeat what I was saying?”

Why had you agreed to let him help you study for the bar? Your lawyer boyfriend, so sinfully handsome and smart, was obviously worried about your progress. He accused you of getting too distracted, and the solution was to force you to study with nothing but distractions, hoping to improve your recall abilities. 

What he hadn’t specified was that it would involve sitting on your bed with his cock stuffed in your pussy  while you straddled him, repeating little vocabulary definitions and basic terms of law. Your poor, sloppy, pussy couldn’t stop dribbling, spilling all over him, as you tried to recall the words.

He smirks at your hazy expression, seeing your mind trying to gather itself back into a cohesive state. “Well?” he prompts you again. “Can you explain the concept of intent for this?”

“Ah…” your mind is fuzzy as your walls clench around his cock, still hard inside you. How long had he been doing this? “Mmm…intent…matters because…” Because why? Why did it matter? All that mattered was fucking. Fucking him, riding him, getting filled to the brim with his seed. 

“Tsk. Oh honey. You're never going to pass the bar at this rate.” His hands firmly hook themselves underneath your fleshy thighs. “Now repeat after me.”

He begins to pick up your frame, easing you off his cock before loosening his hands and letting you fall back into his throbbing erection with force, your ass cheeks slapping his thighs as you slide down all the way to his base. 

"It. matters. because. The. Mental. state. Of. a. client. Affects. Our. Ability. To. Prove their. Innocence.”

Each word is punctuated with his hands picking you up and letting you slide, the sound of your ass pounding back into his lap echoing through the room. Each time, the bulbous, mushroom head of his cock kisses your cervix and you swear you're seeing stars each time. You sob each time, your cunt squelching as it takes him all the way in, desperate for an orgasm that wasn't likely to happen. 

“Hiro… Please… Need to cum… study later…”

“You'll never improve if you can't study through the distractions.” His eyes are hooded and dark, barely able to restrain himself from wanting to fuck your brains out until you're spilling all over his thighs. Oh the sight of you, struggling to remember basic words, thoughts too occupied with his cock to remember even the most basic concepts relating to your job. 

“Tell ya what. I'll give you a scenario. If you can explain intent based on that I'll give you an orgasm. How's that?”

You look at him hopefully, still shivering from the intensity of his last movements, and nod. 

“Explain the intent behind a young woman who invites her boyfriend over to help her study for the bar but decides to answer the door in just her underwear.”

Oh the bastard. Feeling your patience snap you admit your motive.

“Clearly she wanted to get fucked nice and good but her boyfriend is a naive moron who really thought she wanted to go over flashcards.” 

“You’ve got the flash part down spectacularly darling.” Hiromi fondles your nipples and you whine, your cunt clenching around him like a vice. 

“Hiro please…”

“I suppose I could count that as an acceptable answer. Nice work.” He spanks your ass in appreciation. “Admission of guilt always helps. Now show me how you plan to alleviate it.”

Your boyfriend was mean. You hadn’t really noticed it until just now. He was more of the type to tease you than anything else. Until you had suggested reading to him while sitting on his cock. 

For some reason, you had assumed he was going to be sweet about it. You hadn’t anticipated how hard he would make this for you. Your lips tremble and you’re a quivering mess as you hold up the book with shaky hands. Tears streak your cheeks as you try again, feeling Suguru’s thumb relentlessly playing with your clit, depriving you of just enough stimulation to keep you focused. 

“T-t-t-the for-forest i-is the…” You wet your lips trying to concentrate. “The fas-test way to the…hi-hi-hidden-”

“Too slow.” You squeal as Geto spanks your already swollen clit, the sting bringing back clarity to your senses. “I thought you were better than this. Are you so fucked out on my cock that you’re taking an hour to read a sentence?” The harsh slap of his hand on your wet folds makes them pulse and you squirm, and you close your legs to avoid the reprimand.

“Tsk. You really are a dumb whore right now.” A cry leaves your lips as he harshly pinches your nipple, twisting it cruelly. “Who told you to close your legs? You seemed pretty confident when spreading them open for me earlier.” Sniffing, you reluctantly part your legs and then let out a noise of discomfort as he slaps the little bud again. 

“Suguru…” you whimper pathetically only to have him roughly rub your clit again.

“Suguru.” He mimics in a high-pitched mocking tone. “What, you thought I would sit here all night while you take your sweet time? You haven’t even finished a page yet. Your cunt is going to be as empty as your brain if you don’t get it together.”

You whine and try again. “The solder…wanted to raid the amry… to get a sard- OUCH!” Suguru gave you a truly hard whack that sent you reeling, a confusing haze of pain and pleasure running through your body like an electric shock.

“What was that? Are you sure that’s even a word?” Slap. “Solder?” Slap. “Amry?” Slap. “Sard?” Slap. “The words are soldier, armory, and sword you stupid slut.” Each spank to your clit is punctuated with a yelp of pain from you. 

“Suguru! I’m sorry please-!” 

He pulls the book from your grip and tosses it aside. “This is why little whores shouldn’t try to brag about talents they don’t possess. Now why don’t you showcase the only real skill you have and cum on my cock like the desperate little cocksleeve you know you are?”

© nanamiscocksleeve original work | no copying, plagiarizing or translating

@aether-seawolf @makingtimemine @snwvie @facelessfionna

@theimmortalbuns @sweets-kozume @supernaturalbaesduh

@marusatonanhin @pwd54gr54 @brekkersgf

[mipexch]

comic about v2 and the goal they'll never fully reach alongside a dissatisfying conclusion. intimate rivalry and all (alternative ending comic. V1 dies instead of V2 during 4-4. V2 is narrating. V1 is dead.)

[monayen]

uwaah your sebastian fic gave me a nasty thought… imagine sucking on a hard candy and he’s so unhinged and desperate for food that he grabs you by the shoulders, aggressively french kisses you and licks the werthers right out of your mouth so he can eat it himself.

also randal watching, he thinks it looks like a fun game and it ends in bitten tongues and bloody lips

Hard Candy | Sebastian / Randal

➷ Paring - Sebastian / Randal x GN!Reader [Randal's Friends / Ranfren]

➷ CWs - makeouts, slight blood and biting, hungry Sebastian (lol), implied ranseb

a/n - this is a bit short so apologies but know i had so much fun with this... i just adore Sebastian being miserable and starving. one day i will write him having a genuine good time. today is not that day. this also isn't the seb fic i was planning to get out right now, this one just happened to be shorter so im smushing it between the ratman 3 fic. so sebastian will get a longer more smutty fic once i finish that one !!

very lightly based on this fic

Sebastian couldn't tear his eyes away.

The werther’s candy wrapping laid on the carpeted floor of Randal’s room, disregarded and taunting. It clicked around in your mouth, dancing against your cheeks as the sweetness seeped freely into your tastebuds.

Caramel-flavored, the kind of candy you'd expect to find at the bottom of some old lady’s handbag, the sort you'd grimace at when going through your Halloween basket.

But out of its shimmery packaging, it looked like pure gold to the hungry Sebastian. Pure gold that laid in your mouth.

He watched as you savored the hard candy without a care, fixated on Randal playing an obscure console game. Both of you talked and giggled, unaware of how his eyes fixated on the candy in your mouth, his pupils dilating with unhinged desperation that he couldn't hold back anymore.

In a sudden burst, he lunged forward and grabbed you by the shoulders tightly. You didn't even get a chance to react before Sebastian crashed his lips against yours in a desperate, sloppy kiss.

His warm tongue invaded your mouth, swiping across in a frantic search for the candy. Sebastian narrowed slightly as he tasted the caramel flavor mixing with your saliva, drawing him deeper into your mouth.

Finally, he managed to lick the werthers from your tongue, groaning slightly as he tasted the caramel. He didn't pull back, instead pushing against you more as the sweetness permeated inside his mouth.

The hard candy quickly dissolved between your tongues, Sebastian finally disconnecting with a trail of saliva and sticky sugar over your lips. "Mmm," he mumbled through a lingering mouthful, already missing the taste he'd been so deprived of.

He glanced over at Randal, who was watching the spectacle with a manic grin, nosebleed dripping down his chin. "I...I..." he stammered, voice strained. His wide, dark eyes flicked between you and Randal, chest heaving with shaky breaths. Sebastian hadn’t realized just how red you were, flustered and surprised at his unhinged action.

"Oooh, I want to play too!" Randal exclaimes gleefully, licking his lips. He scurries closer on all fours, tongue lolling out like a hungry dog. "Open wide, guys! Lemme have a taste!"

He grimaced, shaking his head as he stepped closer to you to get away from his gukuran clad owner. “There isn't any left…”

Randal grinned even wider, standing up and swiftly pulling out a whole package of different candies, shaking it like dog treats. Sebastian glups, already salivating at the thought of tasting the syrupy goods.

Randal unwrapped a singular piece of candy from the bag, dropping the red wrapper to join the reflective packaging of the previous candy and popping it between his lips.

Sebastian's eyes widened as he watched Randal shove the candy into your mouth with his, the other boy's tongue wrapping around yours in a wet kiss. You slightly gagged at how Randal pushed the candy into your mouth, swirling around yours and coating your mouth in the sweetness.

You winced lightly, Randal’s teeth somehow chomping down onto your tongue. The taste of sugar mixing with the slight metallic tang of blood as your lips and tongue were bit up in the process, fogging up your mind.

Sebastian’s own cheeks felt hot, blushing with a mix of excitement and anticipation, watching your shut eyes as your mouth once again filled with the taste of the hard candy. The cloying scent of artificial fruit filled the air, filling his lungs and making his heart patter.

Randal pulled back with a wet pop, strings of saliva connecting your lips. "Mmm, tasty!" he giggled manically, licking his lips to taste the juice sucked out of the candy.

He turned to the ginger besides your flushed figure, nudging as he leaned in closer to the equally red boy. He swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he met Randal's intense gaze.

“C’mon, Sebastian. I know you want a taste.” Randal tilts his head, grabbing your shoulders to turn Sebastian’s attention to your lolled mouth, the candy still sitting on your wet tongue, “it’s cherry flavored!”

[sevensoulmates]

Buddie 7x01 Meta

Okay! Finally, I was able to watch the full episode uninterrupted and have had a couple days to gather my thoughts. Quite simply this episode was fucking fantastic. My meta does sometimes include some spec, so if that's not your thing feel free to ignore those parts. Those of you who follow me know I write long ass essays, so fair warning for a long meta under the cut. ((Also idk how to make gifs, so enjoy my shitty screenshots)).

First, I love to see Buck and Eddie back at it again in their natural element being partners on a scene.

This was very obviously a call back to season 2, even down to the positioning, having Buck watch Eddie be competent in defusing a bomb. Buck has complete faith in Eddie's abilities, it's the fighter pilot whom he distrusts. In the end, they narrowly avoid getting blown up, just like they did in 2x01. This one scene re-establishes the Buck/Eddie work dynamic and shows how they inherently trust each other on and off the field.

Next, we get a scene of Buck and Eddie getting dressed in the locker room. Notably, Buck is fully dressed and Eddie is without his shirt until halfway through the scene. Buck also keeps his eyes on Eddie's naked torso pretty much through the whole shirtless section. This is another blatant callback to season 2x01 when Buck's first introduction to Eddie is when he's shirtless. This draws attention specifically to Eddie's physical attractiveness and how that affects Buck. This scene is odd to have with Eddie half-naked if we're then gonna make comments later on about "sexual tension" with friends, no?

In the same scene we are reintroduced to Buck and Eddie's separate love lives. Eddie is just now learning that Buck and Natalia broke up, and gives an odd facial expression that looks far too much like vindication. We know from the graveyard scene in 6x17 that Eddie wasn't really a fan of Buck's relationship with Natalia (I don't think there's ever been a relationship Buck's had where Eddie has legitimately been happy about it, which is weird if they're just friends, right?) so to him, this was always coming down the road. He seems proud that Buck was able to end it this easily.

Meanwhile, Eddie's going on a "not-date" with Marisol to chaperone Christopher's date with Penny. It's telling to me that Eddie doesn't classify this as a date with Marisol, but Buck does. Buck considers being at home watching Christopher as a date, and yet he seemingly doesn't classify all the times he's been over at Eddie's hanging out with just him and Chris to be a date? To me, this shows the first big disconnect in Buck/Eddie's brains that the show will likely dismantle this season: what is classified as platonic and what is classified as romantic, and which gender is allowed to be in each category. We'll come back to this when we get to the next scene.

Eddie is very supportive of Buck breaking up with Natalia. He doesn't say it directly to his face, but it's implied that Buck really lost himself when he was with Natalia, hence Eddie's "Welcome back to the land of the living". While Buck did struggle with figuring out his life purpose at the end of season 6, he falsely prescribed that purpose to Natalia. Thankfully, this was rectified here. This also shows significant growth for Buck from his last relationship with Taylor Kelly. Buck was able to identify issues in his relationship quicker and was able to cut the relationship short when he realized it was no longer healthy to maintain for him. I am extremely proud of Buck in this moment, as is Eddie, which is the first of two big moments in this episode where Buck and Eddie really showcase their pride in the other's personal growth. "You were missed" is such a simple yet perfect line for Eddie to give to Buck. To show Buck that Eddie has always seen him, and will always see him, even through personal lows, and will still remain by his side when they come out the other side. I really love this showcase of unconditional love here.

The next time we see Buck and Eddie, the chaperone date has already passed. Eddie and Marisol are seen watching Chris and Penny from behind the wall, but it's highkey awkward to watch and the focus of this scene is really not Eddie/Marisol but rather Chris and Penny and Eddie relaying this info to Buck. I first want to point out that we don't actually get to see Eddie/Marisol's first date, we don't see any subsequential dates, and the first time we DO see her, in an episode meant to be establishing couples, she's so blink-and-you'll-miss-it that I had to try 3 times to get this screenshot because it went by so fast. It's never a good sign when we don't actually get to see the beginnings of a non-established relationship.

Additionally, Eddie/Marisol's relationship is framed WITHIN Eddie recounting the night to BUCK. The important Eddie relationship we're supposed to be paying attention to in this scene is not Eddie/Marisol but Eddie and Buck's. It's not important for us to see Eddie and Marisol hanging out, but it IS important for us to see Eddie TELLING Buck about the night. That isn't insignificant. This means the show is clearly placing far more importance on Eddie/Buck than on Marisol, and for a pointed reason to be revealed hopefully later this season.

This is the only line that Marisol has in the entire episode. This being the one line she has is interesting because it's a callback to Eddie's arc last season ie. "Eddie has no game with women". Christopher makes a pointed comment about it in 6x18. And of course, it's a callback to Performance Anxiety 6x14 where Eddie was being pressured about dating women and 6x17 Love Is In The Air where he once again pressures himself into dating women until he finally settles on Marisol. It's an interesting call back to have, considering this scene could have been considered Eddie successfully dating a woman. And of course this ties into later in this episode where we get the "turning women off" comment, which I'll talk more about later.

Eddie goes on to tell Buck that he didn't really see any difference between Christopher hanging out with his male friends vs hanging out with his female friends. This is drawing attention to two things. The first is a call-back to Buck and Eddie's previous scene where we saw that Buck and Eddie have two different ideas of what constitutes "a date" when it's with a man versus a woman. Buck thinks that an at-home date with Marisol to watch Chris counts as a date, Eddie doesn't. Yet Buck doesn't consider his own at-home "hang-outs" with Eddie and Chris to be a date despite them being far more frequent and more meaningful than what we just saw with Marisol. Eddie also doesn't see it that way. This line is an indicator that both Buck and Eddie have blinders on currently when it comes to their interactions with each other, interactions which very much COULD be considered a date (including the later mentioned "underlying sexual tension") if they had done the same thing with a woman. They're just unable to recognize the truth of it at the moment, and this is clearly demonstrated when Eddie can't tell the difference between Chris having his date with his male friends vs. female. My prediction is that this will become more defined for Eddie by the end of the season or leading into next season.

But it's very interesting that this idea of not being able to recognize the possibility of romance except for the heteronormative options is coming into play now because there's really only one gay way to subvert that.

Which is then doubled down by Buck in the very next scene.

This is blatantly not a true statement. Buck is not only assuming Chris's sexuality, but he's assuming the same would be the case in general, which is not true. Buck knows many queer people, but at the same time, every queer person he knows canonically falls more into the gay-lesbian binary, and not really anywhere in the middle (ie. bi/pan people). It's an oddly heteronormative statement coming from Buck, who is known to be very open-minded and also researches a shit ton? So why are we being shown that Buck has this sort of narrow-mindedness specifically when it comes to the possibility of people being bisexual?

(Spec) Firstly, I think this is to set up for a bisexual Buck arc. It's showing that Buck actually 1.) hasn't ever been with a man before so this is not just a casual bi reveal and 2.) that he's never actually considered it a possibility to have sexual tension with a man before. This is what we in writing call "the character's fundamental misbelief" and it is brought in specifically to be challenged, and I'm near-positive it will be at some point in the season.

Secondly, On the surface, this statement is telling the audience that obviously Christopher would only have tension with his female friends, right? (sarcasm). But what's interesting is that this statement is purposefully gender-neutral. It leaves the real meaning up to the audience to decide. Why? Because this part of the conversation is not really about Christopher. On the surface, yes, but beneath that, this line and the line before it are about Eddie and Buck's relationship with each other. Buck's not out here talking about Christopher having sexual tension with people, and even Eddie recognizes that it's weird to talk about in relation to their child. He's still in the nest for christ's sake! These lines are in relation to Buck and Eddie's friendship and how both of them are blind to the fact that it very much IS possible to have sexual tension with your female AND male friends.

And this is where the gender-neutrality of that phrase gets extra interesting. Because as we've seen before, Buck and (more prominently) Eddie often lack chemistry with their female love interests. It's up for debate, but the general consensus was that most people did not feel any chemistry between Buck/Natalia, and Eddie/Ana or Eddie/Marisol. What's fascinating is that Buck has had chemistry with some of his female love interests, but Eddie hasn't had any since Shannon (and this is not an endorsement of Eddie/Shannon's romantic relationship. I'm not getting into the extreme nuances of that right now.) Some argue Eddie's had chemistry with Felisa or Vanessa, but they aren't the ones Eddie's dating right now, are they? So Eddie, unlike Buck with his female LI's, hasn't really had any sexual tension with Ana or Marisol. The only person that (most) people agree Eddie has had sexual tension with is Buck. And we had a scene with them earlier with Buck watching a half-naked Eddie change too. So in this case, the line might also be a reference to Eddie having chemistry with men, but not really with any of his female LI's. I think the purposeful vagueness here though was a very telling choice on Tim's part.

Additionally, the use of the word "underlying". Underlying implies that the sexual tension isn't overt, but rather is something that lingers unspoken. Under the surface. Subtextual, if you will. Of course, it's possible to have subtextual sexual tension between an M/F pairing. But placing it in the context of this scene, where Buck is being weirdly heteronormative, it feels contradictory. If Buck believes that he (and Chris by proxy) can only have sexual tension with a female friend, why is it something that is hidden under the surface? If anything, due to heteronormativity, the sexual tension between a boy and girl should be plain as day for anyone to see, on the surface, very much textual and with no room for interpretation (ie. "He was a boy, she was a girl, could I make it any more obvious?"). But let's flip this around. With queer pairings and couplings, there's a huge history of their sexual tension and romance only being able to live and breathe in the subtext. This line being spoken between two men that many people for years have pointed out are heavily queer-coded and have a romantically-coded "bro" relationship with each other that so far has only been able to exist in subtext? Tim, you're not sly. I see right through you.

After that, Eddie tells Buck about Christopher seeing 5 girls at the same time. Everyone's shocked and Eddie insinuates that Christopher didn't get this from him. By pointing out that Buck is a reformed playboy (I personally disagree with aspects of this statement but that's neither here nor there), Eddie is implying that Christopher may potentially be getting this trait from Buck. Which is an interesting thing to say to someone if they're not already heavily involved in the process of raising your child. Eddie claims that he's a "nester", which in my mind means someone who is very paternal/maternal, or constantly trying to build the home or the family. ((Sidebar: I googled nesting and apparently it's ALSO a term used in both polyamorous spaces and was later separately coined as a term referring to "where men treat women like they’re in a relationship, but they expect those women to know that it will never lead to real one." I don't interpret this line to mean either of those other definitions, I just think it's interesting that this is what popped up when I googled Nesting)).

Eddie then says he "married the first girl he dated" and Buck instantly volleys back with "think you mean slept with", which is EXTREMELY telling of a few things. First, I want to point out, that I don't believe this is Buck denouncing or disrespecting Shannon's important role in Eddie or Chris's life, but rather recontextualizing it.

We got clarification last season that Eddie fell into his relationship with Shannon almost in the same way that he fell into one with Ana and Marisol. It was heavily implied that Shannon was the pursuer, the one who made their relationship happen. Not Eddie. While Eddie was a little less passive with Ana and Marisol, being the one to ask both of them out, he still exhibits extreme passivity in the furthering of each of these relationships, preferring to "stick it out" rather than actually end it when it's not working. This is the exact same thing he did with Shannon. It's interesting that Buck argues that Eddie married the first girl he slept with rather than the first girl he dated.

Dating someone implies you really genuinely want to form a deep romantic relationship with someone (ie. call back to Buck's line to Maddie "at least when I date someone, I date them"), whereas sleeping with someone does not have to immediately mean wanting to be with them romantically. To me, this implies that while Eddie might've deeply loved Shannon as a friend and eventual mother of his child later and had sexual chemistry with her, the reason why he stayed with her is not because he wanted to continue dating her or being with her because he was IN LOVE with HER but rather because they slept together. And what came about from sleeping with her? A fucking traumatic teen pregnancy.

Both Buck AND Eddie recognize that in this scene (which is huge, especially for Eddie). I'm kinda blown away honestly. It's extremely important for the audience to see that while Eddie did, does and will always love Shannon, it is NOT romantic love, and may have not ever been. Which is FINE. They were literal teenagers for god's sake.

This is once again a recurring theme in Buck and Eddie's story in this episode. Defining what is considered romantic and what is considered platonic AND the possibility of redefining those distinctions years later. And it's interesting that in this case with Shannon, a woman, it's finally being acknowledged that it might not have been as romantic as Eddie may have believed for all these years.

Eddie then asks Buck to be the one to talk to Christopher about his relationship indiscretions. We see Eddie making the active choice to bring Buck deeper into the co-parenting role that's already been established in seasons 2-6. Right after Eddie talks about being a nester, a home-builder, he brings Buck deeper into his family in a parental role. To me, this scene doesn't imply that Eddie can't do it, or that it's out of his wheelhouse, but rather because he feels like Christopher might relate to Buck more about this. But even more so, it shows that Eddie inherently trusts Buck to be the one to talk to Christopher about this, because he's seen how Buck has grown over the years.

Eddie doesn't want Christopher to continue making bad choices in life and he tries to convey this to Buck, but Buck, with his own self-esteem issues, assumes that Eddie doesn't want Christopher to end up like Buck. Which is fascinating because Buck's made it a huge point throughout the series to show that he's grown past his sleeping-around phase (which was never about disrespecting or using women, it was always about Buck's own desire for love and connection that he felt he could only get through sex). And yet with this line, we see that Buck still doesn't realize how far he's come. He still feels like he isn't worth emulating or being someone to look up to. But Eddie does. Eddie sees and loves Buck to his core, and so he points it out to Buck that no, Buck actually didn't become that person, and that Buck is, in fact, worthy of being the one to parent Christopher in this situation. Once again, this is a great moment of showing how these two are able to see past their facades to the truth of each other's issues and provide strength, reassurance, and clarity to each other, as an ideal life partner would be able to do.

Then we get to see this amazing scene of Eddie talking down a panicking woman using his own unique "jello" methods. This coping mechanism tool he walks her through really does sound like something a therapist might teach their patient. Eddie not only is able to admit to having panic attacks but he's able to do it in front of strangers and his team alike with no shame (even a bit of pride at the end). This scene, which could've gotten very awkward very fast, ended up becoming a very sweet, serene moment where we also get to see that love reflected on Buck's face just how proud he is of how far Eddie has come. This episode made a point to show Buck and Eddie recognizing the other's growth and their pride in the other, as well as demonstrate how both are able to be there for the other emotionally in their times of need.

What's interesting is that this is all stuff that we've seen before. Buck and Eddie have been each other's emotional pillars for many years now. This is just a re-establishing episode. We know that this season their relationship is going to be shifting, growing, and showing a new side to it. So I'm intrigued to see how that will manifest given that we have already seen in one episode how Buck and Eddie are each other's closest person. Some might argue that this episode actually frames them to be closer and more emotionally supportive of each other than two of the other canonically romantic couples on the show.

Bathena are shown to be having marital problems in this episode, with Athena worrying she and Bobby might not actually have that much in common outside of the chaos. Madney is shown with pre-martial problems, with Chimney unnecessarily worrying he and Maddie's spark might fizzle out over the years and they might grow to resent each other. I'm not saying either of these relationship problems is really accurate, but it's just interesting to look at in comparison to how Buck and Eddie were framed in this episode, despite not being in a canonical romantic relationship at the moment.

This exchange absolutely took me the fuck out. Because this line did not need to be there. Even for the giggles. It could've even been a line of Buck being sincere and saying that he's proud of Eddie or something. Instead, we get this. "I've never seen a man turn a woman off with such skill". This line connected with the line from Marisol are both callbacks to Eddie's series-long issue with dating women. We get this in conjunction with Buck pointing out that Eddie doesn't really date these women he's in relationships with. He's just with them due to circumstances. Even if the circumstances are of his own making (which could be a symptom of compulsory heterosexuality). Eddie has never once talked about dating women like he's actually attracted to women. I'm so sorry. AND combined with the line where Buck and Eddie actually acknowledge that Eddie wasn't really with Shannon because he wanted to be with her but because of the family they accidentally created. All of this in ONE episode leading up to this line where it's heavily implied that Eddie's skill is his inability to turn women on, and to actually be able to turn them all the way off. And I'm just going to say it, but this line HEAVILY implies queerness. This is the kind of line you'd expect someone to say to a gay man or someone who doesn't actually want the sexual attention of a woman. This, again, in conjunction with Eddie not being able to tell the difference between a date with a woman vs. a man, is all too pointed.

This line alone in a vacuum could maybe not mean queerness, but alongside the whole rest of the episode where beat after beat after beat implies that Eddie has in fact NEVER been in a relationship with a woman 100% of his own active desire for her as a person and not just for what she can provide to his or his son's life?

This points to a very particular direction with Eddie that I'm expecting to see him fight against really hard this season. I would not be surprised if he ends up holding onto Marisol as the last shreds of perceived "normalcy" (ie. heterosexuality) are being threatened. Hopefully, he'll be able to reconcile the truth by the end of the season or going into season 8.

God this is so long and we haven't even gotten to the buddifer scene yet. This part will be a bit more condensed because I'm not really analyzing Chris as a character here or his relationship with Shannon. Maybe I will later.

I'm really loving seeing Christopher become his own person this season. But what really fascinates me here is Chris as a parallel to both Buck and Eddie. Christopher's abandonment trauma is starting to manifest in him through his choices with his love life. The same thing happened with Buck and with Eddie individually. Buck's trauma growing up informed his choices of sleeping around and seeking love from a myriad of individuals who didn't necessarily have his best interest at heart. Eddie's trauma manifested in him being so self-sacrificing that he can't ever choose a relationship for himself, but it always has to be in service of someone else or in pursuit of a perceived "Normal" standard.

In this case with Chris, his trauma is manifesting in a way more similar to Buck's, which is another reason why it's so perfect to see Buck being the one to discuss this with Chris, even though they don't necessarily delve too deep into it. There's no question Buck sees his own issues reflected in Chris. This has been true since 4x08 Breaking Point when Chris runs to Buck's house and confides in Buck his worries about people leaving him. Chris demonstrates a similar issue that Buck and Eddie both hold individually. That being the notion that "it doesn't matter what I do, or how good of a person I am, or how good of a partner I am, I am not worth staying for."

But the difference here is that Eddie and Buck, like the amazing co-parents they are, recognize the problem and take steps to address Christopher's trauma in a way that gives Chris autonomy and isn't condescending or out to make Christopher feel bad about making mistakes. The Buckley parents and the Diaz parents both failed Buck and Eddie in these ways because they blamed their children, never actually took the time to see the underlying issues let alone address them, and made them feel like everything was their fault, even going so far as to actively put their children down over and over and over again. Eddie and Buck get the beautiful chance to break the cycle here with Chris and get to be the parents that they never had.

It was so amazing to watch this episode with Buck and Eddie being supportive partners to each other and supportive parents to Christopher. It was an episode of growth just as much as it was an episode of reintroduction to a new audience. It was also extremely telling of what the future conflicts and themes will likely continue to be for Buck and Eddie for the rest of this season. I'm so excited to see what the rest of this season brings! And thank you from the bottom of my heart, ABC.

[iknowicanbutwhy]

by the time one of these sifs FINALLY manages to break the loops these guys are gonna be so exhausted they won't even have the energy to be mad. maybe they'll just form a suicide pact and kill themselves together instead of beating sif up about it idk

Au contraire they start a fighting arena amongst themselves except all of them have been sitting around for so long they're all really bad at it. And when they realize this - having hung around each other for so long they've formed SOME kind of connection - they all collectively decide to chase Sif around Dormont and then it's a game of Manhunt.

...Okay but if i were to take this seriously, it was already really sad to see just one Loop disappear, but a whole lot of them? Suddenly this silly gaggle (nebula? constellation? murder) of stars that kept you company because they wouldn't shut up sometimes and were all too quiet other times disappears entirely? Leaving you all alone to brave the new future?

I love Loop so much because they didn't just feel like another, worse Siffrin. They felt like their own person, worthy of their own happy..ish ever after! It was so, so sad seeing them disappear. The thing about this silly AU is that all the Loops end up feeling like one singular entity in different bodies. And they'll probably stay like that, from the point of view I'm drawing. Because it's a funny AU and I'm drawing it for the funnies.

But to each other, they... Well? They actually feel the same way. Like copies. Like failed copies. Like the same person. Like it's easy to mistake each other and difficult to differentiate each other, even from themselves. Makes it easier to be mean to each other. I'm telling you, even the original Loop isn't entirely sure anymore if they're the original, and it hurts them the most. Pretending to be different people is a massive relief to all of them, because now they feel like individuals (even if they still feel like worse versions of another person). Little Loop is lucky to have always had a physically distinguishing figure, it really changes their perspective and everyone else's perspective on them.

So it's really easy to think they'd just kill each other, these other failed copies, or have gotten so used to the feeling of being "the failed ones" that they simply give up, but you know what I think? I think that, once you take an outside look at yourself and start treating yourself as a fellow human, you can be surprisingly empathetic. Towards yourself, I know! And they have the chance to start doing that.

When I write a story, it's like I'm letting little pieces of myself interact in ways that I can remain both distant from and very connected to. I feel like, when the Loops start playing these characters (these people, but they're ignoring that) they love, being silly and disconnecting from their own grief for a bit, they can have fun together. Like writing a story and smiling to yourself. Like laughing at your own thoughts.

I think maybe they'd get to have a talk, eventually. About how they want this story to end. About how they hope it's not already the end for them, that the worlds or timelines or whatever they came from aren't dead and gone.

Maybe... maybe they'd be really scared. But they wouldn't be "Loop who failed and Siffrin who succeeded," divided firmly by that line. Isolated by that line. I don't know what they would be? But it might feel less. lonely. to know that this Siffrin could just as easily been one of them. And was, many times. The physical evidence is right there, fading away one by one. And for the ones that remain for now, wouldn't you hope they're going home?

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

can I req yandere Ben x reader moodboard and headcanons? I feel like he watches you through your computer camera

-🦇 anon

Summary: Yandere Ben drowned x reader hcs

Genre: Angsty-ish?? nothing too bad though

Warnings: Yandere themes, so stalking, murder, obsession, etc.

A/n: 🦇 is no longer here, so if you wanna take this anon name feel free to do so! Also AGH I LOVE WRITING YANDERE STUFF

Credits: Ben drowned- Creepypasta, Divider- benkeibear, Drawing of Ben- shatteredankles (instagram), Other pictures- Pinterest

Yandere Ben drowned hcs

The thing with Ben is, he's so nonchalant with everything he does, it takes a lot to get him to show any emotion

So when he gets obsessed, he gets OBSESSED

He has a knack for finding people, switching between random people's webcams trying to find a specific person for a mission

But as he mindlessly clicks through different lists of different people, pulling up any names that intrigue him, he finds you

Immediately he is drawn to you, he doesn't know why, but he is

And when he sees your face, so focused on the task at hand, he knows he needs you

He doesn't know how he needs you, or how he even thinks he's going to go about acquiring you, but something about you entrances him

After his death he's so used to feeling numb and disconnected from the world, both physically and emotionally

But seeing you there, it makes him feel things again, as if he were alive again

And he doesn't want to stop this feeling

So he stares and watches you through your webcam for hours, his prior mission being totally forgotten

That is, until you suddenly yawn, stretch, and turn your computer off

He jumps a little at the sudden blank screen, and quickly rushes to see if you have your phone on

Frantically typing and clicking, he breathes a sigh of relief he didn't even know he was holding when he finally finds your phone and looks through it's camera

Even though its screen isn't on, the phone itself is, so he can still see you

That is, until you plug it in and set it on the nightstand beside you

Then all he sees is the ceiling

He sighs and rubs his eyes before putting your phone's window on another monitor and going back to the task at hand

Once done, he begins to research you a little more (making sure to have windows open for any cameras you may have in your house)

He learns your home address, where you go to work, your full legal name, social security number, interests, hobbies, etc

By the time you wake up and begin getting ready for the day, he feels like he has known you for years instead of just a few hours

When he sees your phone camera start to move he gets so excited, hurrying to bring the window over to his main monitor and watch you as you go about your morning routine

He watches you nonstop for weeks straight, only stopping when you go to sleep and he can no longer see you, but even then, he fills that time with researching you or scrolling your socials

It is only when Jeff is in his room a week later that he even thinks of the possibility of being something with you

Jeff is annoyed by the fact that all Ben's been doing for a solid month now is obsessing over you, so with a big groan he says "If you like them so much, go get em! What're they gonna do, say no? You're a ghost man!"

Only then does Ben realize that he is actually dead, and can basically have you all he wants

He doesn't have to watch you through cameras, because he can make himself invisible and spy on you that way instead

If you got scared, it's not like you could hurt him in any way, because you'd phase right through him

And best of all, if anyone tries to interfere with you and him, he could easily scare them off

So with this new knowledge, he sets off in search of you

Which of course, isn't far considering he already knows exactly where you live

And every day for months, he follows you around everywhere you go, never more than a foot away from you

Your friends have picked up on something strange, and are very uncomfortable being around you now

Whenever they're around you, they get a weird feeling in their gut telling them that something isn't right, oftentimes your hair randomly just starts floating as if someone is playing with it, and your apartment is always just so cold....

This being said, you are now very isolated and lonely

Ben sees his chance in this, and begins leaving you little gifts, things he knows you'd like

Once you get accustomed to the gifts, he begins leaving letters, slowly revealing who he is, and his love for you

At first you are just happy to have someone that likes you despite how uncomfortable everyone seems to be around you

Then it evolves into curiosity over the identity of this strange person

And then, you begin to feel the beginnings of a romantic interest starting to bloom for this stranger

It is only once you are obsessed with figuring out who he is, sometimes coming home and just begging into the air for them to reveal themselves, because you know they're with you somewhere, does he dare reveal himself

You are on your hands and knees, begging and pleading for him to just give you a hint as to who he is "I won't tell anyone" you promise

It is then that you feel the familiar cold chill go up your spine, and you know he is near

You don't speak or move, scared you'll upset him into silence in some way

You then hear a voice by your ear whisper "Cross your heart and hope to die?"

You gasp at the new information you have: a voice

"Yes" You whisper back

A hand begins to fade into view, and it comes to cover your mouth to stop you from screaming

You then feel a body form behind you, his other hand coming to rest on your hip, pulling you into his body

He's as cold as death and slightly translucent, and as you turn to look into a reflective surface, hoping to catch a glimpse of his face, you are stopped when you feel him begin to nibble on your ear

"You'll get to see me soon, princess/prince. All you have to do is keep true to that promise"

And with that he fades away, as if he was never there

[prince-liest]

I just wanna gush bc omg I love the 666 series so much. I think it made me realize I might be... furry-ish? adjacent? I just find it so satisfying how you go into detail about the unique body features of both of them, the way it feels to have deer ears or kiss a TV and just generally how much thought is put into the way their bodies work, and I've realized that my interest in that kind of idea is a pretty good reason to partake in more explicitly furry media lmao. Anyways

I'm also really in love with how you maintain the balance of each of their personality traits. Vox is simultaneously so pathetic and cringefail (also your dialogue for him is perfect, I can hear it crystal clear in my head) but also he has vastly more emotional intelligence than Alastor, no doubt at least in part because he has to deal with Val, and he's able to marginally calm down with his obsession to deal with sticky situations, but even then he still retains his personality and bumbles things sometimes because of the flaws in said personality! It's great. I also really appreciate the balance you've struck with Alastor, I feel like often Alastor is either written to either soften up so immediately that it feels disconnected from his character or is written overly mean and heartless for my liking and the way you've written him is such a delicious balance between softer aspects such as the prey instincts or moments of vulnerability and his untouchable and manipulative self, and also the way this side of him is neither written as wholly a front or wholly his real nature and the complex ways this makes him struggle with his increasing vulnerability. TL;DR arghgr your characterization is so good it makes me go a little feral

Also while I'm here, I'm curious whether you can give an answer to the degree to which Alastor is touch-averse. There's obviously a lot of ways in which he fundamentally dislikes touch but it also seems like there's at least some kinds of touch where he doesn't dislike the touch itself so much as he's afraid of the way it brings about feelings of caring and/or enjoyment being cared for. I'm curious how much, in general, you would say his touch aversion comes from either cause and possibly what kinds of touch do/don't provoke those flavors of aversion

Omg, what a lovely ask to receive. Honestly, everything you said that you enjoy about how I characterize these two is very much what I've been actively gunning for, so it's an absolute delight to see it outlined back to me. Success!!! Thank you so much!

And ahaha - I'm not a furry but I fucking love inhuman characters. Being raised in the pits of Homestuck fantroll RP made me enjoy the whole "they're bug/fish aliens" thing and it definitely rears its head again any time I encounter characters with inhuman qualities. I love writing Vox's TV/computer-ness and Alastor's deer and radio bits, and integrating them into who they now are as people.

As for Alastor's touch-aversion: It's funny that you ask about this, because the next chapter of 666 is going to dive into it a bit. Specifically into the fact that it's not, like, a set of boundaries that is consistently defined, and I write him that way on purpose. The very first time he and Vox sleep together, Alastor bottoms. He becomes significantly less amenable to touch after he goes through an uncomfortable rut cycle that gets sexual. By the time Vox convinces Alastor to fuck him, Alastor would never let Vox do that again and frankly only agrees to topping because Vox gave him an option that didn't involve getting his dick out. Then in the next episode, they're having clothes-off sexual contact. So, what gives?

Things that play into Alastor's willingness to touch and be touched as far as Vox is concerned:

How does he see Vox at that point in time? Disgustingly entitled (ew)? Hilariously beneath him (haha who cares)?

Does he care about what Vox thinks of him? Does Vox touching him draw his attention to positive or negative assumptions he has about Vox's perspective on doing so?

What value has he attached to this particular touch in the power balance of their relationship? Is he humoring Vox? Does he assume Vox thinks he's owed this? Does he perceive it as something Vox is genuinely doing for him?

Has he tried this particular kind of touch before? He's pretty willing to experiment, but that doesn't mean he'll do something twice without a compelling reason if he didn't like it the first time.

Is he getting off on this situation sexually? If so, is it fully willing (read: not a byproduct of uncomfortable hormones) on his part? That only really happens when he's in a submissive role and Vox is hitting a few very specific kinks, a major one of which is basically CNC tilted 30 degrees to the left.

Is he enjoying the touch in platonic ways? How does he feel about that? Is it a vulnerability to want something? Is it feeding his ego to be catered to? Is he worried that what he enjoys platonically is being read into in ways he doesn't like?

Is he fucking drunk? Things that bother you when sober often seem like a non-issue when you're not, both on a physical and emotional level.

How much touching has been happening recently? Has he hit his limit? Did he deliberately put himself into a situation earlier to have his limit be hit and surpassed, and now he's in the aftermath?

He does have a certain fundamental purely physical dislike of touch, but it's something that is really affected by how he perceives each individual situation as well as his relationship with Vox at that time, and his previous experiences!

[a-d-nox]

it is my birthday tomorrow: so let's review the predictions i made last year based on my solar return chart

about a year ago, i made a predictions post for my year ahead and now here i am updating y'all with what actually happened as i previously suggested that i would! so let's jump into it - i pasted all my previous predictions in to this post for your reading ease!

1H IN LIBRA AT 12° (contains: scorpio sun and narcissus (37117))

prediction: there is likely to be a relational focus this year and with venus (the house ruler) in the 12h it is likely to be with myself (what us my relationship with my self? how can i better treat myself? etc). my diplomacy skills are likely not going to be the best as i look at the 10h/11h, what is sitting in those houses, and that pisces degree on my 1h... with my scorpio sun present in the house, it is likely that it will be obvious that i trust no one this year (people may suspect that i only trust myself - they could feel as though i look down on them or think little of them). my sun is opposite my moon so i might feel a bit disconnected from myself... with my sun in the 1h, i will likely have a super intense vibe (not that i don't already) but in a way that seems like magnetism because it is a libra 1h? like drawing others in? i do feel like this year is going to be the sort where i am discovering who i am and who i want to be (i just have to make sure it doesn't get out of hand with the sun and narcissus (especially with his conjunction to my sun, mercury, and mars) present).

reality: i still do need to make my relationship with myself better. but it has become very apparent that i need to do so this year. i have been prioritizing things that i don't really care about more than those things i do care about. like money. the focus on money this year is really starting to annoy me can't wait to move on to something else... making money and job related stuff has taken priority over my health, my friends, my family, etc. and making a hobby into a business / job / side hustle has really annoyed me this year because i use to really enjoy doing this but i am starting to really hate it. and it truly is taking up a lot of my time. i work a full time job - i am there 45 hours a week only to come home write posts or readings for another 10 hours a week - that might sound like nothing but its really not in the grand scheme because i am starting to get older and realize that everything is a trade off. that's 10 hours i didn't exercise, i didn't see family, i didn't see friends, etc. and part of that is because i don't appreciate myself the way i should. your 20s are really precious - you are your healthiest, most free, etc. and i am spending it on fleeting things. it is possible one day i could wake up and everything i have done here won't matter - it's immaterial it could just fade into cyberspace. just like my job one day i could wake up and unknowingly it will be my last - the world of technology is ever changing. things are moving faster than ever before and i find myself cling to things locking in while everything around me goes miles a minute. change is happening and i am not letting myself go with it. i want to be my best self - which is a practice i preach to everyone but myself. that being things might evolve here as well as i try my best to live and do so authentically in the coming year.

2H IN SCORPIO AT 9° (contains: scorpio mercury, mars, and kassandra (114) AND sagittarius educatio (2440) and pythia (432))

prediction: what an interesting mix of stuff i have here... money makes the world go round this year i guess. my mercury is at 9° and my mars is at 11° - can i just cry a little...? bro wtf is bitcoin and why do i feel like i am gonna get into the world of online investing...? the coupling of these two planets (especially mars as the 2h ruler) makes me feel as though i will be making money and spending it or moving it relatively quick so that i can't use it? i say "i can't use it" because my mars opposes jupiter which makes me think of compounding interest like a CD... anywho, i am a money wizard? i have kassandra and pythia here, so i feel like i will probably make investments and use my money in unexpected ways (kassandra makes me think of emergency funds OR bad financial contracts though). i also have educatio here so at least i will be learning more about financial literacy plus i do think with mercury i will be extremely interested in learning more about finances. and with mars... it might just become a new passion of mine... aside from money, while i am likely to continue a lot of giving and receiving of knowledge this next year on social media (mercury things), there is a danger to the realm of social media... ESPECIALLY with mars present and both mercury and mars conjunct my sun then all three opposing jupiter... my self worth could take a hit which i do not look forward to.

reality: thank god i didn't touch bitcoin that can stay far far away from me. but yep investing has never been so hard core this year i am walking out of this cycle with a 401k (that has a company match), a new CD, a credit card, and a quarterly bonus type of job. i corporate girlied hard. and on top of that i have done over 100 paid readings this year. i think learning about money is very important in today's world with inflation, social politics, etc the way it is. i will continue to learn about it but i am going to stop pressuring myself as much to make a set amount here especially. also i am going to be VERY careful what influencers (idk any 23 year olds making 6 figures in real life but social media appears to be full of them) i watch because some of them are extremists and not at all realistic... some of the content is good be some of it can be very delulu - my boss told me that a person from my generation came in fresh from college asking for more than even she makes... we have to be for real while also playing the game. i have had a 51.16% increase in income in comparison to where i was at when wrote my predictions last year at this time. so trust me when i say slow and steady wins the race when the job market is the way it is.

3H IN SAGITTARIUS AT 10° (contains: sagittarius ambrosia (193), asclepius (4581), cupido (763), jormungandr (471926) rx, lev tolstoj (2810), and zeus (5731) AND capricorn aphrodite (1388) and chekhov (2369))

prediction: sagittarius and 10° for the 3h is giving "it's all fun and games until someone says/mentions ____". i have to be mindful of my mouth because while i am likely to make people feel alive with my words given ambrosia and asclepius in this house, i also have chekhov (where you want simplicity but receive drama), aphrodite, and jormungandr (where people try to end you - aka getting socially outcasted/cancelled) in the 3h... but lev tolstoj is here too so whatever i am saying that offends others or makes them mad is facts even though there is drama/gossip involved when i do say these things... the dangers of social media part 2? i feel like it may be romantic drama because zeus (i am not a zeus person because there are no aspects to the sun or asc - only a square is made from this asteroid to my venus), cupido, and aphrodite (and for aphrodite there are no aspects made to my inner planets this solar return - so it is definitely not me doing something sus like cheating) are here in the house too. i do have my suspicions as to what is happening already... and oh shiiii will it hurt because 10° is always a bit painful in my opinion. especially with the house ruler in the 8h... it just looks like emotional damage...

reality: when i tell you things that i have said were often misinterpreted or took negatively - i am not joking. i was messing with my boss and i was saying how no one has been using the form and i joked that we should make a new motto "no form, no fulfillment" and she snapped at me "thats a shitty way to do business". i didnt think i said it in a serious manner or anything but its been little things like that all year. me and my big mouth need to learn the power of silence again. and yes there was some romantic drama like the boy from last year calling me out of the blue to tell me he is planning to break up with his girlfriend... like okay? why are you calling me now after basically a year of not communicating with me? also don't bother me when you are with someone, boy. that's what he is too - a boy - because no man would play this type of game. like grow tf up. but alas of course it hurt my feelings because it sort of was flirty and it seemed like he was vetting me out for a potential hookup... it hurt me to hear how little he values me and how little he valued what he started with me to think that a hook up was all that i would be worth and desire.

4H IN CAPRICORN AT 14° (contains: capricorn pluto, balder (4059), and bellerophon (1808)

prediction: a lot of my astro friends who see this chart are like "oh are you moving?" and i am like ABSOLUTELY NOT. like i literally just moved so no. unfortunately (i hate to be this person) i do believe a beloved family member (4h balder conjunct pluto and square moon) will be passing this year. even more unfortunate - i do not think it will be an easy death with bellerophon present because he was thrown from pegasus... and not to be super disgusting, but i do believe i will inherit something expensive and very material given the earthy grand trine formed by pluto, venus, and uranus. that being said i feel like i might neglect my mental health because pluto squares my moon - i might stopping going to therapy (currently i see a therapist regarding my childhood ptsd). i might regress into people pleasing behaviors because it is all that i will be able to control if someone in my family passes... which is not the healthiest for me.

reality: i didn't move! yay thank god cause who has the energy! but the family dog did die this february... i picked her out and everything. so it was sad but she was 15 - she lived a very good life. my grandfather is still heartbroken... its very depressing. my mom had to go to the vet to put her down... but i know she was loved and now she is no longer in pain her last months she couldn't get on the couch, she struggled with having energy, wore a doggie diaper, etc. it was her time. switching gears. i have been neglecting and ignoring my mental health a lot lately just because i don't really have the energy or "time" to take care of it...

5H IN AQUARIUS AT 17° (contains: pisces saturn, amor (1221) rx, and karma (3811))

prediction: this seems like a good mix for me achieving something big with writing/blogging. especially because saturn is the traditional ruler of aquarius and capricorn (which is home - the work i do from home, a side hustle). my outlook for romance is not too good with amor in retrograde in this house nor with freedom loving aquarius ruling this house. not to mention i feel like the world will be showing me something that will cause me to have a grudge against love (saturn) and karma will be dished out. this could also be a sign that my childhood trauma could be triggered again with saturn in the 5h too (great).

reality: my goal was to reach 3k and at this point in time we are almost at 5k here. so goal reached! also unexpected but related i have a project i have been working on for over a year and it complete! which definitely is a 5h pisces saturn moment. but yes i was single the whole damn year. i think the grudge i have about love has a lot to do with my situation reappearing after a year of no conversation despite him saying we are just friends only to tell me he is going to break up with his girlfriend... but he really loves her. if you love her why are you talking to me and why are you calling me basically plotting the break up - it was icky to me... and honestly turned my stomach about love.

project: sunset cross stitch.

6H IN PISCES AT 17° (contains: pisces neptune rx, AND aries heracles (5143) rx and salacia (120347) rx)

prediction: i appreciate the that neptune is retrograde in this pisces house... last thing i wanted was for my health, routine, or hygiene to be confusing/frustrating, avoided, or to constantly be behind / running late / neglected. so this is fine by me. i might be obsessive with scheduling, health, and hygiene because jupiter (this house's other ruler) is in the 8h. it seems like the job hunt is at a standstill with heracles in retrograde - instead, i might get one great option that i take and stick to with given salacia in retrograde.

reality: i actually revamped my google calendar at the beginning of my 23rd year. i am now taking vitamins out of a pill box of all things like an old woman. and i am focusing on my hair health! i sleep with a bonnet on because i am a hard sleeper and its changing the fact that use to have tension breakage. i also am getting into hair oiling! and i did find a job in marketing after not having a lot of luck. so it only takes one person to say yes is very real.

7H IN ARIES AT 12° (contains: aries nn, chiron rx, part of fortune, pandora (55) rx, and signe (459) rx AND taurus moon and vertex)

prediction: it's a toss up as to what all this could mean. i could find myself in a very emotionally charged connection (this is the eclipse moon after all) - with chiron rx it could be the healing of past wounds. the combination of vertex, part of fortune, and north node dictates that any relationship/partnership i find myself in could be extremely significant. with pandora here i feel like it might be unexpected where this relationship will come from. WITH SIGNE HERE i feel like some people may look down on who this person is...

reality: i can officially say i am over my situationship i couldn't say that a year ago - i was too shocked that he cut me off cold turkey and started dating someone knew after telling me many time he didn't want to date anyone. but unexpectedly i did mean some really cool friends who i really get along with so that was very good this year.

8H IN TAURUS AT 9° (contains: taurus jupiter rx and uranus rx)

prediction: oof not my 8h ruler in the 12h - what's that screaming i hear lol? maybe i will be afraid of change - i mean that because of the 12h venus and jupiter retrograde... the combination doesn't really express embracing change and the unknown, you know? the uranus retrograde makes me think i will be moving away from shared finances and working on managing my own money. i definitely believe it is for the best that i keep my opportunities to myself... i don't get the sense people will be supportive of my wins - i more so sense the envy of others from this house. i don't think i will be shocked by my successes, but i feel like others will not see it coming...

reality: i really wrote that and this year can to understand its true - i fear change and i live small because of it and i 100% make my own obstacles. i am really working on ripping my own path with money. and i am learning to share a whole lot less with people because they don't always wish you well... i'm shocked i changed jobs twice. i'm even more shocked that i am changing my mind about my next move educationally and even more shocked to see i am exploring things i would have thought best to leaving in the past.

9H IN GEMINI AT 10° (contains: gemini midas (1981) AND cancer arachne (407) and odysseus (1143))

prediction: mmmm the contemplation to go back to school is real this coming year. it's weird because it might not be for my MFA? like the 9h midas sextile chiron is giving paralegal? nursing? idk but it's not feeling literary oriented... especially with cancer arachne present, i feel like that is nursing/medical-esque... alternatively, midas can be extreme change then add in odysseus, the traveler - i could be going on a trip that changes my life entirely.

reality: i did do a lot of contemplation and it really surprised me to think i should get a certification of some sort - marketing, editing, paralegal, etc. and no i didn't travel at all this year to somewhere long distance. but i did go on some road trips that are opening me up to the world around me.

10H IN CANCER AT 14° (contains: cancer ajax (1404), hannibal (2152), and loke (4862) AND leo agamemnon (911) and arthur (2597))

prediction: it's a REAL toss up how this house will manifest. i feel like sometimes people will love me and find my presence comforting and other times they will hate me and be annoyed by me. this is thanks to the moon ruler in the 7h... and ajax (who squares my chiron)... and agamemnon (who squares my moon)... i say ajax because i think of my 3h this year - i am falling on my own sword in that regard for sure because not everyone will like what i have to say especially when it is likely to be true (3h sag is starting to remind me of a verbal burn). while people are likely to look up to me (10h arthur AND hannibal) or be forced to - because of my status, they are likely to despise me for what i say/said (7h moon AND mercury and jupiter (3h ruler) square arthur). meanwhile, it might not even be me who is the problem i just look like the bad guy for making it more apparent like loki (10h loke).

reality: i am still someone who is tricky to get along with... i annoy my coworkers because i really do think too much at times... and i'm stubborn and cautious... when i was working at the hotel we got snowed in one night and everyone was like happy to be staying over but i was like i don't want to be here i wanna go tf home... but other times when people are being annoying and i am like "you're giving me a headache" my coworkers are like she said what she said and we were all thinking it...

11H IN LEO AT 17° (contains: leo charybdis (388), helena (101), and hestia (46) AND virgo beowulf (38086), juno (3), lacrimosa (208), and silentium (2710))

prediction: i feel like my popularity is going to be a thing / where i am on the social status food chain (high up). but i don't believe i can trust anyone this year... i feel like i am likely to reach big social media milestones with beowulf in this house (and this house being in leo at 17°) - social media might even take over my life a little bit (11h charybis). i do feel like friendships will be very love hate with juno and hestia here - i am likely to be a moderator of sorts but with helena here i feel like someone is going to accuse me of being disloyal because of how i am likely to moderate without bias. i might find myself truly alone again this year because of it (11h lacrimosa and silentium).

reality: i made quite a few new friends this year a lot of people came to enjoy my presence but there was one snake in the garden for sure. i am glad i didn't trust her she was complaining to my boss about me trying to get me fired... i also ran into an ex-friend which caused me a lot of stress and anxiety... but i just hard core avoided her and played cool. it was at my best friend's engagement party (juno here?). but on another note, i do feel more on the outside of friendships than ever before this year.

12H IN VIRGO AT 17° (contains: virgo venus)

prediction: greatttt i thought we were passed this but i guess not.... looks like i still need to work on my self esteem... intuitively, i don't sense social media is going to be kind to me, and i really hope that doesn't mean here. like i am okay if it is instagram (that app is dying anyway) but like here and tiktok are my favorite apps to be in. when bullying is involved though and it is consistent, there is a limitation to that favoritism in which it becomes apprehension to stay for something like a social media in comparison to showing up for myself. there could also be delusions in romance with this set up - i could experience over thinking in a romantic connections with that 12h virgo venus too. karmic relationships are highly probable with this placement too. OR it could be an ex becoming an enemy too (unknown enemies my a$$)...

reality: i didn't face bullying online i found out my bully was in my mind though... i was really not the kindest to myself this past year. i prioritized work and money over my mental, emotional, social, and physical health... and then i had the audacity to get mad i gained 8-10lbs. like no shit girl you have an office job now. so fitness is not just regularly mixed in to my schedule. or not having a boyfriend, seeing friends or family - no shit you spend all your weekends majorly on the couch at home working on your blog or paid readings... maybe i type slow but it takes a lot of time. time i am choosing to spend on making money instead of myself.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for or you can leave me a birthday tip :)! please use my "suggest a post topic" button if you want to see a specific post or mythical asteroid next!

click here for the masterlist

click here for more solar return posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[ramblingzombpossum]

I keep going back to something from therapy today. During morning check in we have to write how we're feeling, it's literally "What is your mood today?" and today, I just didn't know. I was flipping from one mood to another so fast that I couldn't wrap my mind around one emotion or mood.

When I wrote "I don't know" I expected a bit of push back, someone to tell me that's not acceptable, there is no way I can't know. We all know how we feel right?

Well, instead the therapist smiled and said "That's ok." They know I have schizophrenia, and apparently I've lived with it all my life. When I apologized she insisted I didn't have a reason to, it's ok to not know how you feel.

One of the points my one on one therapist is hammering home, is when I say "I don't know" people are going to be confused. People who aren't schizophrenic DO NOT understand. I grew up with it, I've learned to adapt and hide it.

Hallucinations are weird? Ok, I'm not going to talk about it, or I may draw attention I don't want. Hearing things isn't normal? Alright, we chalk that up to 'keep to yourself and hide.' Oh, the random moments of "Lol I could just die" or "Man I could sleep and never wake up" aren't necessarily normal? Cool, that will not be spoken about. (That last one is common in a lot of things, but it's thoughts I can remember having as young as sixish.)

But the phrase "I don't know" has always been demonized to me.

"Why did you do that?" "I don't know" "NO you absolultely know why, so why did you do that?!" It was a rather common reaction, from everyone. For years, because in most people's minds, they know.

Before I got medicated, I didn't realize how bad it was, how I would sit there, and just not know what I was doing. I'd have moments of full unawareness, and I still do at times. I dissociate, something I never knew what it meant until I was forced to acknowledge it. I go off into my own world and completely disconnect from life, going on basically auto pilot.

Sometimes I'll do something, and I will have a reason, but after doing it, I have no idea WHY. My brain doesn't work right, it never has, and I learned the easiest way to avoid it, was withdrawing. I could just not talk, I could just live in my mind and be fine. As an adult this doesn't work, it makes life harder, it makes everything harder. I literally sit at home sometimes and just lose time. I've become obsessed with time checking, to make sure I wasn't off in my mind for hours.

Even now I have an aversion to "I don't know" even if it's the truth. I find myself scrambling for a believable lie because "I don't know" is unacceptable, it is very much a sin. No one has a brain so broken that they don't know.

But I do, I don't know why I do a lot of things. I don't know why I say things sometimes, or why my brain jumps to something completely out of left field.

Someone asked me to describe my thought process on something, and it went a little like... A needs to happen for B to happen, but if C occurs then A will be ruined, and B can't happen, so obviously I need to do Y, D, F, G, and L before anything else to make sure that A can happen.

None of it makes sense, none of it comes together, but my brain is so loud and jumbled, even with anti-psychotics I have auditory and visual hallucinations. Not as bad as it once was, but it happens. I can hear voices as if someone is standing over my shoulder, telling me just to stop. Give up. Let my body crumble, and cease existence. No one will ever care, no one will miss me.

I know this isn't true, I fight against it daily.

Sometimes I turn around in my house while I'm alone and think someone is standing in the kitchen. Nothing solid, a shadowing form in the vague shape of a person that catches me off guard, but I've learned not to show my fear. How can I react to things when others don't see them? That's weird, and society says we should never be weird. How does one explain when they want to just hunker down, grasp their head and scream to drown out the voices? How does one explain what it's like to be plagued with things, delusions of being immortal, delusions of everyone hating you. The idea that in this life you'd be more of a contribution as a memory than a living being. The paranoia of what everyone wants. The paranoia of not knowing what is and isn't actually happening. The Paranoia that you're going to say the wrong thing, and wind up hospitalized because 'you're not normal.'

There is nothing fun about this, there is nothing easy. I've been fighting a silent battle for who knows how long, and a lot of people say I'm strong for being open. I'm not being strong, I'm being weak, because I'm tired. I'm so very tired, and I don't want to be strong anymore. I want to lay down, I want to have a day where I'm not constantly shifting through my thoughts, where I'm not trying to decide if the person next to me is talking to me, or if its one of the voices trying to tear me down. I don't want to be convinced that everyone is out to get me, that everyone will leave, everyone is just using me in some way.

I'm just tired, I'm tired and I don't know what I feel. I keep going because I want Bean to know it's ok. I want her to never worry about asking for help. I want her to realize, sometimes we all have battles we don't share, and that's ok, but it's also ok to ask for help.

In the end, I'm tired, confused, and I will never be able to answer everything, unless I'm allowed to be honest and say "I don't know."

[evesetchings]

So! A few years ago, I found this piece of very cool fanart by the amazingly talented @mysterykidsmisadventures and at the time, as a huge enjoyer of both mystery kids (I was mainly there for coraline and gravity falls, as I had yet to see paranorman and lacked the ability to play Psychonauts) and the monster falls au, (probably my favorite of the gravity falls aus) it was probably my favorite piece of art for a good long while, and I really wanted to make something for it. However, I didn’t think I had the artistic ability to make something of suitable caliber whether it be in art or writing. So I just sort of didn’t.

THAT IS, until last October, when I had just finished my first watch of ParaNorman, and decided to finally just grab a pencil and paper to make something for this awesome art. I wanted to get this out around Halloween of that same year, but a combination of real world stuff and general anxiety stopped me, BUT NOT ANYMORE! Finally I have decided to post these drawings. They were super fun to do and I really hope you enjoy them. Just remember to check out the original artist as well!

Art under the cut!

Here we have the classics! Cervitaur Dipper and mermaid Mabel! I tried to put in some of the classic Gravity Falls artstyle, and I think they turned out great!

Although the lower halves did give me a bit of trouble. Dipper isn't feeling too good about...any of this, especially considering he now has an extra pair of legs to worry about, but Mabel seems to be adjusting fine, maybe things won't be too bad.

Mabel on the other hand is living. Sure it was a bit tough to begin with, but being swim and move like this feels amazing. Plus, she's been able to see and do so much new cool stuff like this! She knows that it can't last forever, but she's gonna enjoy it while it's here!

And these are reaper Norman and... winged dog? Neil. These ones turned out pretty nice too, I especially like Norman's expression.

Norman's feeling pretty worried about this, but it's not like this is totally new to him. He's always been disconnected from the living due to his gift, and this isn't too different from that. Besides, he's gotten through something like this before, how hard can it be a second time?

Neil is honestly doing just as well as Mabel, if not better. He’s pretty quickly realized how great having wings is and enjoys swooping around and seeing things from the skies. It also helps that being a dog himself makes him feel closer to his dead dog Bub, and who should have said how great it is to be a dog!

We got wood-owl griffin Raz and dryad Lili, which I’m mostly happy with, although Raz’s design was a pain in the ass. Both of them are really freaked out at first, they’re used to dealing with the inner workings of the mind, not weird transformations!

Raz is especially not used to being a quadruped, but once he gets used to it, it’s actually really cool. Having this kind of flexibility is super useful for all kinds of stuff, like getting to new places and trying out interesting new tricks! So it’s not all bad, especially with psychic powers in the mix.

Lili is also pretty alarmed, but she’s also a bit irritated by it too, cause even if she likes plants, she never asked to BE one. She does eventually feel better about it after a while, and it does help that she feels even closer to them, even if she needs to be a bit more careful with her pyrokinesis now.

And finally there are kelpie-taur Coraline and salamander Wybie. These were that last ones I made, and I had a lot of fun drawing them, even if it was a little frustrating at times.

Coraline, like mostly everyone here, is pretty freaked out at first, and learning about what kelpies usually do certainly doesn't help with that. Thankfully, she doesn't have the urge to drag anyone down to the bottom of the lake, but she does realize that she's starting to feel more comfortable near bodies of water, and that moving though water is easier now, and it's actually kinda...fun. She is still looking for a way to change back now, what on earth would she tell her parents if they saw her like this.

Wybie is equally alarmed about being a metallic, fire-manipulating creature that is not an amphibian despite the name, especially because he has no idea what his grandma will think once she arrives. As soon as he starts experimenting around a little, and that doesn’t take long, he starts discovers some interesting things about his new body, like that he can stick to walls, (just like an ordinary salamander!), and that he’s fireproof. (which certainly helps with his tinkering habits) So while he still wants to change back at some point, he’s gonna work with this while he can.

Thanks for stopping by and taking a look. This project certainly took some time, and I’m glad I finally get to share it. I hope you enjoyed the product of me discovering old art and my insane mental mutterings, and also don’t forget to check out the original art as well!

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

Pardon me, dearest Anni, would you mind sharing your thoughts on DID and multiverses? It sounds very intriguing and you always have such thoughtful opinions 💙 (ps ilu I hope you're finding time for nice things and tasty treat breaks)

DID multiverse/alternate universe theory

Examples:

Everything Everywhere All At Once

???? I forgot

Still Life With Tornado

probably Into The Spiderverse and Across The Spiderverse but I haven't seen them yet

• Life Is Strange (just played most of them)

Okay so like, the theories I'm drawing upon:

came back wrong

recognizing that you are the way you are— that you are 'you', yourself, etc— that you are here, aware of your surroundings, etc. = that you [are aware you] DIDN'T 'come back wrong'

the alienation and disorientation of literally experiencing yourself differently than everyone else does/has/etc

the DID experience of experiencing a core level of dissociation/unrecognition/disconnect from current reality

• a world where something turned out Very Differently because you made one (1) choice differently

the multiverse as literally alternate endings??? Like what if there was an alternate universe (or multiverse) where all the alters ended up happy and in their own bodies?? Doesn't that make you want to cry

time loop where you can't remember enough (about) how to change the day until it happens again

The.... selves? I'm drawing upon:

yourself as a ghost

yourself as not tied to anyone/anything you know at all

yourself as an 'idealized', fully coping, flawless being who's as (un)likely to really 'exist' as any other versions of you

yourself as totally different than how you are now (i.e. Evelyn as herself, in love with the IRS lady, in Hot Dog Fingers universe) but still you at the heart of it

you being 'you' in a way that's recognizable to everyone else but you know it's off/wrong/un-human etc

Writing this out in my neat little bullet points made me realize that I don't actually know many multiverse thingies. But in my heart it's true. You know? You know.

I'd love to hear other people's opinions on this, esp if you also have DID or DPDR stuff!!

I may expand on this later, in like, a couple years! :P

Thanks for your kind wishes, I hope you're havin' something sweet too <3

[hughiecampbelle]

helloooo i saw ships were open! love your writing and thank you so much for opening this!

my name is shanti, im 21, they/them. 5’5. biracial. i dont have much of a preference on ships as long as it is not homelander, stormfront, or the deep.

i'm a very hard worker and aspire to be a history teacher one day. i love nerdy shit like the MCU and the Tolkien Universe. i am also a gamer and i love pvp games particularly. also RPGs. i love music but my favorite genres right now are probably rock, edm, and indie folk music.

some of my favorite things are the moon, sunsets, rocky beaches, staying in to watch movies and tv shows, reading and trying to draw haha. i am also a foodie and love going out to try new food from different cultures.

my aesthetic is a mix of crowcore and shabby chic (aka cottagecore).

personality wise i am an ENFP. I consider myself a friendly person. i love getting to know people and all their little quirks. i am generally pretty outgoing but i also like just keeping to myself sometimes. i can be pretty shy for a while as well when im first getting to know someone. when i open up around people i am pretty goofy and always happy to do anything with them!! i love to laugh.

i also have ADHD, sometimes it is debilitating lmao. i also worry a lot, probably part of the adhd thing or maybe thats my anxiety 🤔

i thiiinnkkk this is enough to work on. thanks again!!!!! 💖💖💖💖

Hi my love! I ship you with: Annie January!!! She loves your nerdy side. From history to the Tolkien Universe, whatever you're interested in and passionate about, she could listen to you talk for hours. She genuinely pays attention and always has thoughtful questions you never would have thought of. All of your interests are really cute to her. In the car you two switch off playing songs and she even has a playlist with your name as the title full of the songs you've shown her that she loves. She's more of an indie girl, but appreciates all of the genres you've shown her. You love her outlook. Annie really thought her whole life would be The Seven, being a superhero, fighting crime. That image wasn't just broken, it was obliterated. She's had to come to terms with a lot, including how her life would look, who she was. Through it all though, she's put everything she had into her beliefs, her friendships and relationships. She's put everything she had into taking down Vought and Homelander. You appreciate that about her, that through it all she's adapted, but kept the same passion. Your relationship is kind of dramatic. Your work drama bleeds into your relationship and can create tension. It's nothing against one another. Rather, it's the shapeshifter and the Homelander performers and Firecracker that try to create a rift between you. You might have your moments of tension, but in the end, it's the two of you against the world. When your worries really get to you and it feels so overwhelming, Annie is the first person at your side, calming you down, reassuring you everything will be okay. It will all work out in the end. Your first date is at the beach. She knows how much you love the ocean and the both of you could use some downtime away from The Boys and Vought and everything. It wasn't intended to be a date, just some time for the two of you to get away, but you start talking and laughing as the ridiculousness of your lives and you end up spending hours there, watching the water, listening to the waves, decompressing together. Annie admits a lot to you, stuff she's too afraid to say in front of everyone else and you do the same. You guys get food and come back and lose most of the day to the sand and ocean. Only when the sun starts setting do either of you realize how much time has passed. When you're feeling overwhelmed or disconnected as a couple, you go back to that spot and are reminded why you care about one another. Relationship Headcanon: You and Annie, when you first met, were so shy with one another you could barely exchange three sentences. You couldn't believe the Startlight was your friend. You never would have guessed the reason she was so shy and awkward in front of you was because of her crush on you. Everyone could tell there was a mutual interest, and they thought about intervening, but M.M. talked them out of it. He had faith that the two of you would figure it out for yourselves eventually. When you do start dating, The Boys finally tell you they almost had a bet going for how long it would take one of you to admit your feelings. Frenchie would have won, but they decided it was cruel and unusual to bet on their friends dating life.

Hope you like it my love!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜

SHIPS ARE CLOSED

[clowngirlpony]

Stephen King Books I've Read With My Thoughts in the Approximate Order I've Read/Listened to Them

Revival

This is the first Stephen King book I read. It didn't amaze me at the time but being more familiar with King's writing style and looking back on it now I think of it more fondly.

I think the dynamic between the 2 main characters, Jamie Morton, a musician heroin addict, and Reverend Charles Jacob, Jamie's childhood priest turned semi-mad scientist/showman. They disconnect for a while but Jamie and Charles find each other later, both hollowed out. Charles uses his strange science to cure Jamie's addiction, and in return Jamie feels he owes it to the Reverend to help him with his experiments.

The end goal of the Reverend is to find proof of the soul, the afterlife, and that his wife and child are somewhere happy after death. He ends up proving that this is definitely NOT the case lol. Like many Stephen King books, I didn't like the ending until later when I thought on it more.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger

The first book of The Dark Tower series and the beginning of my multiyear long spanning hyper fixation on this author. I find Roland to be endlessly compelling as a protagonist, truly a lesser evil, a mindless weapon, a hopeless romantic, and endlessly cold.

In this first book you only get to see the worst parts of his being. He kills anything that can stop him from getting to the tower, no matter who, no matter if there are more peaceful solutions, because he is a weapon with a quest and nothing more right now. In this book he finds a boy who is a fellow victim of Walter, the man he is currently hunting to kill. He slowly grows close to this boy only to realize that the boy was a trap set out by Walter to force Roland into a situation where he either sacrifices his quest for the tower to save the boy, or sacrifice the boy for his quest. He continues his quest, sacrificing the boy, and shattering his soul.

The world is clearly a post-apocalyptic version of our own, 10s of thousands of years in the future. The universe is dying, many worlds are dead already.

The Dark Tower: The Drawing of Three

Roland immediately loses most of the fingers on his right hand to giant lobsters in this book and immediately comforts himself with the thought that he doesn't jerk off with that hand. This book is amazing and truly sets the groundwork for the rest of this book series as a multi-universal epic that spans universes and eras.

The secondary main characters are introduced in this book, Eddie Dean and Susannah. Eddie is one of the best characters King has ever written and is a constant source of light in the series. Susannah is also a really good character but her story starts with a lot of stuff about racism and honestly Stephen King does not have the delicacy to properly handle these subjects so it can be a hard read. Not to mention she has DID which as we all know, is very awkwardly misrepresented in many medias, with this not being an exception. What he does different is that in her arc she is not "cured", she is merely made aware of her state of being and makes peace with her alters. She is also wheelchair bound but still treated as just as strong and capable as anyone else, help is offered to her almost always on a respectful level.

This book's story consists of Roland walking down a beach and dying from infection. He occasionally finds a door to our world at different times of the 20th century. He kidnaps Susannah and Eddie from these worlds against their will by possessing them with these doors.

The evolution of the relationship between the Gunslinger and these 2 is amazing. He sees them as merely pawns for his quest at first, until he slowly respects them more and more, and even learns to love them later on. They see him of course, as their inter-dimensional kidnapper and both try to kill him and each other over the course of the book.

The Dark Tower: Into the Wastelands

The third book in this series. This is where the world building starts to really pop off. You learn about the intersection of magic and technology by a group known as "The Old Ones", which is most likely the human civilization who ended the world and started the slow death of the universes. At this point Stephen starts to lean a lot more into his writings being interconnected, and that this story is the intersection of all his world's and stories.

In this book the boy Roland regrets sacrificing, Jake, is brought back by through ✨shenanigans✨and joins the group, in this same book they also adopt a badger dog like creature called a billybumbler. With these 2 this completes their group which they refer to as a "ka-tet", which is basically a group of people brought together by "ka" which is basically what they call fate but it has further nuance than that.

Main setting of this book is a ruined city called "Lud" which is supposed to be a parallel of New York. In this city is a civil war between 2 groups of dying people who forgot why they're fighting and the Ka-tet gets caught up a lot in this. The relationships of the group deepen a lot in this book and you get to see Roland slowly become a person again to his extreme dismay. He starts to worry that next time he will sacrifice his quest for the tower.

There is a sentient evil super computer that inhabits a train in this book and I want to have sex with it so bad it's insane.

The Dark Tower: Wizard and Glass

"Ka is a wheel, it always turns back to the same place" is a common held belief by people in Roland's world but especially by Roland, because his life is endless tragedy and he's become aware of how Ka repeats itself. He starts to notice similarities between his new and old ka-tet and it starts to really bother him as he can't help but think about things he never wished to think about again.

Most of this book ends up being Roland telling the others an important story from his past, one about his old ka-tet and the events that ended them. The amount of depth this gives to Roland completely changes his character as you start to understand what truly motivates him and why. There's too much to go over in this post but it's amazing.

I forgot to mention this but Susannah fucked a demon last book and is now demon pregnant so a side story about that is starting around this book.

The Dark Tower: The Wolves of Calla

The demon pregnancy sub-story starts to really ramp up. It's slowly revealed that there is a new person in Susannah's mind. At first it's assumed to be another alter but it's eventually revealed it is a demon possessing her body to carry out her pregnancy. This sub-story is still secondary to the current main story in this book.

In this book they find a rice farming town called "Calla". This is one of the first settlements they've found that seems truly intact and still thriving.... somewhat. This town is invaded by a group they call "wolves" every 20 something years to kidnap the oldest children of each family. They are coming again soon so the town asks for the help of Roland's ka-tet. They accept because they think doing so will bring them closer to the tower.

This book is really nice because it shows life in a way we can recognize for the first time in Roland's world that we see. This village is so full of life and culture and community, I just love the side characters we get in this book.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

What help would you recommend for someone trying to survive ongoing trauma? I’m going through emotional abuse from my father and there is no way I can change the situation. I’m trying to mentally get better but every time I try it all gets knocked down again. What do you recommend to go hermit mode but in a healthy way? If that makes any sense. Thank you so much for your time I love your blog ❤️

Hey :)

I am very sorry you have to go through such a painful experience. This is something I am still going through in my life as well and I may not be the best at giving advices cause I'm still figuring things out myself. Emotional abuse can happen in different ways, and since I don't know what is really going on for you and I don't know you (and I am not a professional figure of any type), I... don't know exactly what to suggest you that can really be of help to you.

In my case, I personally tried to realize that I had no fault in what was/is going on and tried to imagine why he was acting like that with me (his own personal story speaks of immense lack of patience, perfectionism, a huge loss and possible emotional abuses as well, which never helped him deal with his own emotions the correct way -his mother wasn't able to deal with that either- but simply pour them out whenever he's overwhelmed through some repressed anger -which shows up in different ways-). I'm not saying I forgive him, but understanding his "hidden reasons" behind his behaviour, made me at least recognize and understand his triggers and kinda foresee (most of) his reactions, so that when they happen I feel a bit more ready/in control and remind myself it isn't directly on me even when he's having it against me and telling me bad words (mostly cause in the heat of the moment). With time, I realized it helped me to get away from him when he wasn't talking with me but overreacting for other things, or (if I couldn't physically move away) simply try to disconnect and then come back to myself once the "danger" was over. I also tried to distract myself by doing things that helped me relax any time I could, even right after an event like that (from a walk outside under the sun, to watching kitties' vids or drawing and writing -journaling in particular has helped me-, for example). I have always been a pretty sensitive child so I had a tough time bearing with shouting and anger when I was a toddler, and trying to take care of that child-side of me by showing I can afford things on my own now, that I can get away or simply not accept/reject that abuse (even just in my mind, without having to reply to him and make him notice, but explaining myself what's happening and distancing myself from it) and stand up for myself (since it's not on me but it's his own problems speaking), has made it better. Basically I learnt to try staying more in control of the only thing I could control: my own reaction about his abuse. And what I made it mean about me: objectively nothing much anymore (once I used to *unconsciously* make it mean I wasn't good enough, I was a bad child, I was unworthy, I really was that terrible person he told me I am... but I have never been so, I was just a child and a teen and... a common flawed person as he is too, nothing that would support/validate such an overreaction). I tried to learn how to be my own safe place while outside there's a storm. To shield my younger self in any way I could/can.

But again, I don't know exactly about your abuse, so really... I hope you don't mind if this doesn't resonate. I think out of all the abuses, emotional abuse and neglect are very very though to confront and each of us deals with them in their own personal way. Not sure what you mean by "healthy hermit mode", maybe not dealing with him? Or maybe what I use/d to do as well, by distancing yourself... I hope it's that.

If you can, please refer to a professional figure that can guide you through in a better way or at least give you hints on how to work on yourself more accurately than me. All the best, take care as you can (and remember, any copying mechanism that you think and find out works for you atm, is valid. You'll get out of that anyway, try to stay strong).<3

[bookwyrminspiration]

why is legacy your least favourite of the series now? (btw I haven’t reread kotlc in forever all I remember is that Tam is gone and Keefe is having a Bad Time)

I think what happened is that upon rereading the other 2 I disliked, I realized their faults weren't as bad as I'd remembered, and Legacy just has very little to draw me in, and everything else is not to my taste. I'd been denying it for a while I think, trying to stay positive, but in being honest with myself this last reread it just really bothers and upsets me at times. I can try to articulate it, but there's a lot of layers that even I don't understand to my reaction, so heads up

(nothing against anyone who enjoys legacy!! i'm simply not one of you. this is your warning that this is a more critical/less positive post and perspective on legacy. if you don't want to see that, don't look)

Sophie's relationships are an inevitable part of the story the way it's written; it becomes very prevalent here, and none of it's positive, it's just more conflict--and not even satisfying conflict, to me. I'm queer in a way that doesn't involve romance and attraction, and I could not care less about Sophie's drama. And I know people talk about the importance of connecting to stories about people with experiences you don't have, but I don't think this is one of them. I've read fantasy stories with conflicted romance before, and even though I'm very attached to these characters...I just don't care for how Shannon's doing it.

I won't deny that part of it is frustration and anger knowing how some people take what happened in Legacy to further unfairly demonize Fitz (who is one of my top 2 characters)--and that part of that will be done in a "see how toxic Fitz is? Keefe is so perfect for her instead" kinda way. Which bothers me because it ignores so much about so many characters, not just Fitz. And I know they are entitled to their thoughts and interactions as much as I am, and I try not to let it get to me too much (curating my own experience and all that), but I can't deny that I'm at least aware of it. And that that knowledge negatively impacts my reading experience when I become more conscious of it. at least at the moment

And I suppose it also just makes it obvious the disconnect between me and the story. I can brush past Sophie's crush musings and brief flustered moments. But an entire book where a significant conflict is her failing relationship and searching for her parents to try and fix said relationship? It's like a whole book of "hey! here's something really important to most people!! that isn't to you! remember how different you are?" To be clear, I don't mind being different, I quite like the kind of queer I am. I don't want to change it.

It's more like a...well now I have to put up with and trudge through this tiresome stereotypical shit in a series I really like, too? I poke a lot of fun, but Keeper is genuinely a really important and prevalent series in my life, even though its not my favorite. And it's like...here, too?

I'm not opposed to relationships in fiction, there are several I quite enjoy and they can have very important places and purposes! Keeper just isn't one of them that really speaks to me--at least in canon. I don't like how sophitz was written, I don't like how Sophie's been characterizing Fitz and Keefe, I don't like her reaction to and focus on her match status even though I understand it from a character perspective. Their relationships just haven't been the compelling kind to me

I could try and link all this to like, poor writing or inconsistent characterization or catering to fans and things like that. I could probably come up with a polished argument if I tried, make it technical and about a bunch of mistakes made but at the end of the day? it's really just not to my taste. I just don't like it, even though I can logically understand why most things happened, how they were in character and contribute to their development. I just don't like what happened. I don't like how romance focused it was and how relationships panned out. I'm disappointed sophitz ended how it did, how the characters behaved in their relationships, how Sophie reacted to her match status, her inability to pull herself together for a while, how sidelined Tam's kidnapping felt, how some people will demonize Fitz, etc.

I read keeper for entertainment, and there just was nothing for me. I do what I can to appreciate its place in the series, and to acknowledge when it is true to the characters, including in ways I can't connect to. But this isn't a series I read for self betterment or learning or anything, it's for fun and none of what happened was fun for me (meaning fun in like a satisfying entertainment way including heartbreak and tragedies and horrors, not that it has to be silly and light hearted)

That was probably more than you were expecting; it was more than i was expecting! But it's such a visceral reaction that it's hard to identify and translate, and I'm sure there's more to it I haven't uncovered. in fact as I was writing this the process helped me think through more of my reaction, so thanks for the opportunity :)

[marshmallowprotection]

Do you think shifting is real? I’m getting tiktoks on it again and I won’t lie it messes with my mental health as it convinces me I can go somewhere where I’m actually happy with all the media that’s comforted me for so long. I like how I’ve seen old posts of yours where you slap sense into people who want to shift and I need that right now. Ha.

If you're not hurting anyone or yourself, it's perfectly okay to journal, draw, and write all the fantasies you want. After all, what is the great comfort in media and fandom if not the experience of getting to see what it might be like to be friends with your favorite character? Or to see what it might be like to be with your favorite character in a more intimate setting like a date? There's nothing wrong with that!

Hell, I'll be writing these scenarios all day long for my comfort and others! It's fun to dabble in the heads of your favorite characters and see what it could be like if there was no universal divide. There's a lot of fun to be had in making your characters or even self-inserting into the media.

However, I don't care for the in's and out's of Reality Shifting in the sense of someone trying to explain to me how it isn't just another form of daydreaming. I won't argue if it's real or not. I will just say Shifting looks no different than daydreaming to me.

I'm sure that Shifting is just a form of mediation and daydreaming at the end of the day. It isn't harmful unless it impedes your life. Now, I won't tell people not to have fun. Listen, if you're having fun and you see that it helps you, that's okay. There's no need to get into the thick semantics of if Shifting is "real or not".

I'm not going to scold people for it. I want people to be able to have fun at the end of the day in the way that works for them best, and me talking about this isn't to shame anybody or make them feel bad. I'm just concerned for people's health. I just want people to be aware of the risks of excessive daydreaming and dissociation.

Because, it does not matter what you believe Shifting is, if you spend hours of the day in bed with your eyes closed tight when you have to do other things, that's not healthy for you. This goes for fantasizing of any nature, not just Shifting. 

I say this as someone who experiences Maladaptive Daydreams.

Your average daydream as you stare out of a math class window is not the same as a maladaptive daydream.

“Maladaptive” means you have an excessive amount of daydreams to cope with or adapt to a problem, and it doesn't solve the problem, it just allows you a chance to disconnect from reality to survive. It's not a healthy thing. It's not something I always enjoy. I wish people were more informed on the subject but it's not it's widely known.

I genuinely just want to warn people about excessive daydreaming. I want people to be well informed about what can sometimes happen when you experience a disconnection from your sense of self or your sense of reality. 

Hell, someone who's reading this might not even realize that there's a word to describe their Daydreams, and if that can at least help somebody understand that they're not alone, it's worth talking about. 

[Maladaptive Daydreaming]

Ever since I was young, I've daydreamed excessively to cope with things my little mind should've never had to have dealt with. It's a form of dissociation that's continued into my adult life to kept me cope, and that's true for many other people. This condition isn't a very widely known one or even vastly studied, but it does fall under the dissociative umbrella.

Imagine being immersed in a world that is so much better than your reality, now imagine what it might feel like to be pulled out of that. In that sense, you wouldn't want to leave the daydream. That's why it can be so addictive. It can get to the point where it interferes with your life on a day-to-day basis.  

I don't think there's anything wrong with daydreaming. I don't think there's anything wrong with having fun and imagining different universes. I think it's great that we can shape our minds to create so many wonderful things. I just worry for people who aren't informed about making sure that they are mindful in their consumption of fantasies. 

I can spend hours at a time in a daydream, totally disassociated from the world around me, and while having these vivid daydreams can make for a great writing experience later on, it's not fun to lose hours of your day. It is addictive, as it is a lot better to be in a reality where everything goes the way you want it to instead of the one where we live, you know, where things don't always go right. 

I've got a way better handle on this these days because I've got more tools and means to keep myself grounded, but the dissociation is still a part of my day to day life, even with progress.

I experience Derealization and Depersonalization in part because of this.

[A visual of Derealization vs Depersonalization].

I understand how people feel when they want nothing more than to be in a reality where they feel loved and cherished by characters who love them all the same. I get that, because that's where people start excessive daydreams when they are young, in most cases, not all of them.

I just worry for people who get too caught up in their fantasy that they forget to live in this reality, if that makes sense. We can "Shift", Daydream, or what have you any time, but at the end of the day, we live in this reality, and we can't change that.

We have to fight to make this reality a better one, even if this one doesn't feel as fun as holding Saeran Choi to your heart, you know?

Make this reality the one you want it to be.

Don't let yourself not have fun with fantasies, though, because there's nothing wrong with that. Make those CMCs and Self Inserts to have fun! I do it, too. At the end of the day, just be mindful of the way you consume daydreams and roads that help you shape realities in your mind, no matter the avenue you explore them because you deserve to have fun. 

Keyword: Moderation in your teenage, young adult, or adult life.