#he just hasnt learnt to recognize and deal with his own triggers and issues

[loveyourlovelysoul]

What help would you recommend for someone trying to survive ongoing trauma? I’m going through emotional abuse from my father and there is no way I can change the situation. I’m trying to mentally get better but every time I try it all gets knocked down again. What do you recommend to go hermit mode but in a healthy way? If that makes any sense. Thank you so much for your time I love your blog ❤️

Hey :)

I am very sorry you have to go through such a painful experience. This is something I am still going through in my life as well and I may not be the best at giving advices cause I'm still figuring things out myself. Emotional abuse can happen in different ways, and since I don't know what is really going on for you and I don't know you (and I am not a professional figure of any type), I... don't know exactly what to suggest you that can really be of help to you.

In my case, I personally tried to realize that I had no fault in what was/is going on and tried to imagine why he was acting like that with me (his own personal story speaks of immense lack of patience, perfectionism, a huge loss and possible emotional abuses as well, which never helped him deal with his own emotions the correct way -his mother wasn't able to deal with that either- but simply pour them out whenever he's overwhelmed through some repressed anger -which shows up in different ways-). I'm not saying I forgive him, but understanding his "hidden reasons" behind his behaviour, made me at least recognize and understand his triggers and kinda foresee (most of) his reactions, so that when they happen I feel a bit more ready/in control and remind myself it isn't directly on me even when he's having it against me and telling me bad words (mostly cause in the heat of the moment). With time, I realized it helped me to get away from him when he wasn't talking with me but overreacting for other things, or (if I couldn't physically move away) simply try to disconnect and then come back to myself once the "danger" was over. I also tried to distract myself by doing things that helped me relax any time I could, even right after an event like that (from a walk outside under the sun, to watching kitties' vids or drawing and writing -journaling in particular has helped me-, for example). I have always been a pretty sensitive child so I had a tough time bearing with shouting and anger when I was a toddler, and trying to take care of that child-side of me by showing I can afford things on my own now, that I can get away or simply not accept/reject that abuse (even just in my mind, without having to reply to him and make him notice, but explaining myself what's happening and distancing myself from it) and stand up for myself (since it's not on me but it's his own problems speaking), has made it better. Basically I learnt to try staying more in control of the only thing I could control: my own reaction about his abuse. And what I made it mean about me: objectively nothing much anymore (once I used to *unconsciously* make it mean I wasn't good enough, I was a bad child, I was unworthy, I really was that terrible person he told me I am... but I have never been so, I was just a child and a teen and... a common flawed person as he is too, nothing that would support/validate such an overreaction). I tried to learn how to be my own safe place while outside there's a storm. To shield my younger self in any way I could/can.

But again, I don't know exactly about your abuse, so really... I hope you don't mind if this doesn't resonate. I think out of all the abuses, emotional abuse and neglect are very very though to confront and each of us deals with them in their own personal way. Not sure what you mean by "healthy hermit mode", maybe not dealing with him? Or maybe what I use/d to do as well, by distancing yourself... I hope it's that.

If you can, please refer to a professional figure that can guide you through in a better way or at least give you hints on how to work on yourself more accurately than me. All the best, take care as you can (and remember, any copying mechanism that you think and find out works for you atm, is valid. You'll get out of that anyway, try to stay strong).<3