#i realize i talk about the bathtub scene very often for someone who has never watched breaking bad. but it was a formative moment

[softpine]

Share a random line of text from your current WIP or a line or two of dialogue from one of your characters. Do not give any explanation or context, and see what your followers think. Then, tag a few friends to keep the randomness going!

tagged by @xldkx @morrigan-sims and @rebouks so you get a longer, crazy one lol

i'm late to this, so ignore if you've already done it! i'll tag @maturation @subtlefires @cinamun @earthmoonz and anyone else who wants to do this 💖

[bassiter2]

the main reason for the sheer amount of meta yall make about the whole "ed doesn't kill" specifically re: "does izzy actually know" imo is the need to reconcile the fact that izzy has been ed's right hand man for a decade and the fact that his behavior indicates that he may not actually be aware of it. and that's really understandable, like I absolutely see the desire to believe that izzy has (had) an intimate enough relationship with ed to be aware of that fact about him. but the thing is, I feel it's made pretty clear and in fact necessary by the narrative that what ed told stede in the bathtub was the first time he told anybody.

before I lose you: YES, a hundred percent, izzy knows that ed killed his dad. it was probably an intimate moment between them once upon a time, ed telling izzy that he killed his own dad. but what i do not believe izzy knows, and what ed himself likely did not fully understand until the fuckery episode, is that he was traumatized by it.

see, the old ed was coping with feeling like a monster by taking pride in it, and izzy was romanticizing that proudly ruthless man. the ed we know is realizing that that was unhealthy and is finally processing those feelings properly, with someone who will let him be soft and in fact reassure him that he is NOT the monster he thinks he is. izzy was never that person (bc if he was then we wouldn't have the show to begin with), so that full confession could never have happened.

it wouldn't have been something that izzy just observed on his own, either. aside from any theories about how izzy offers to kill stede for him and what that signifies about their relationship... I think this is just where a lot of people don't seem to really get the point of ed's confession about not having killed another man since his dad. all the talk (and most often misuse, tbh) of "unreliable narrators" in this fandom and almost no one wants to accept that ed's claim of not killing is, as far as most people both irl and in-universe would see it, Not True.

what matters is that ed believes it because this confession scene isn't about morality, but about ed personally feeling like a monster and getting it off his chest to stede and proving that stede will let him grow into a healthy version of himself rather than expect him to repress his trauma. the point IS trauma.

like, the only part of killing that ed abstains from, or can't bring himself to do, is being physically and consciously present for the victim taking their final breath as the culmination of his violence. and for the sake of the narrative and this scene, it's fine and makes sense that this is the most significant thing to ed. and it makes sense for his personal feelings, too - he was only horrified by the murder of his father once it was over and the rage had fizzled out and he was face to face with what he'd done, so that's the trigger moment for him. just facing the wanton ending of a life.

but for just about everyone else, especially the victims, that is not the most significant part of killing. being the cause of death in any direct capacity is killing. maiming someone and leaving them for dead is killing. setting a ship on fire, knowing that many of them will not be able to jump to safety, is killing. pushing someone into the ocean, to the sharks, is killing.

you want to believe that izzy knows ed doesn't kill because of all the time that izzy has known him, but that's exactly it. izzy has known ed for a decade and he HAS watched ed kill, by his own definition of killing. he may have a sense of "ed prefers to let others do the dirty work when it's not on the battlefield" but as far as he's concerned, ed kills. just like any other fucking pirate, of COURSE he fucking kills.

and you know what? by the events of we gull way back I think ed has even re-routed his definition of killing back to the normal one, and it's why his confession to stede didn't ultimately save him from feeling like a monster for very long. he processed his trauma a bit but then jack reminded him that just because he hasn't watched the life leave someone's eyes doesn't mean he hasn't been the cause of many a death and done plenty of other horrible things. but imo it's also BECAUSE of ed's development through stede that he's able to even have this unrepressed guilt, this sense of responsibility to keep himself away from those he might hurt or at least taint. it's still not ideal, as it's very much informed by a diminished self worth, but it's a step in the right direction to processing the more complex trauma of all the harm he caused after killing his dad.

or it was, before he backtracked to his old coping method of Embracing The Kraken.

as for izzy... he's a tragic character and you can very much see it as part of his tragedy that not only did ed grow out of him but for all the time that he knew ed, he still didn't really know him. but it can also be a simple matter of izzy just not being right or healthy for ed in the long run, as he was never an influence for ed to change or realize things about himself. except for the worse.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 06 part two

(Masterpost)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Bathing Boy Beauties

So, now we and Wei Wuxian get to see Lan Wangji with his shirt off. Eventually Lan Wangji will realize that his brother set this up, and will think of some way to get back at him, possibly by spending three years being stubborn in a cave or maybe by chopping an arm off of someone his brother cares about. 

This is A+ Yibo fanservice but it's also a male-male version of a trope that's ubiquitous in c-drama, in which the male lead takes a bath and the female lead sees him. The purpose of the scene is almost always so a woman can look a man’s body over and decide, not to put too fine a point on it, whether she wants to fuck him. 

Examples:

The Pillow Book - “Which part of Shen Ye is better than me?”

Women’s sexual agency is not often at the forefront in c-dramas, but the bathtub scenes are an acknowledgement of the female gaze, and of male objects of desire being subject to evaluation & approval.

Tientsin Mystic is a show with a lot of muscley swimming in it, In case you’re looking for your next Netflix show. 

As a CGI artist I have to mention that water does not reflect or refract 100% of light. If you look at a naked dingle-having person in a bathtub full of clear water you will definitely be able to see their dingle. But C-drama water is magic and nothing is visible below the waterline, to the point that Bai Yu is modestly covering his thoracic surgery scar chest in Detective L while leaving his lower half uncovered.

Note: that caption isn’t fake; she is really saying this on her way out the door, after having a long chat with him in the bathroom. You can find the whole series on YouTube.

Seen in this context, The Untamed’s two bathing scenes are saying quite a lot. Wei Wuxian, being a boy, doesn’t display any female-encoded shyness or modesty, but he and his sword pause for a moment of admiration.

(more after the cut!)

16 years later, Lan Wangji will sit quietly in this pool and let Wei Wuxian examine his wet body thoroughly from multiple angles, in a more prolonged invocation of this C-drama mating ritual.

Carrying on - was Xiao Zhan supposed to kick his boot in the water like that? Because if not, he rolls with it like a champ.

Wei Wuxian starts trying to be direct with Lan Wangji, giving him the worst, most neg-filled compliment ever, bless his heart.  

Then he says that there are benefits to being his friend, and starts taking off his clothes.

Wei Wuxian here takes his first step into the bold new world of respecting Lan Wangji’s boundaries, asking Lan Wangji to stay and saying he will keep his clothes on. 

Lan Wangji actually does stay, so he's apparently not too angry with Wei Wuxian about the drinking. Wei Wuxian invites him to visit Lotus Pier sometime (see my gifset here), but the promise of lotus pods doesn’t impress him. Then Wei Wuxian tries to tell him that the Yunmeng chicks really knock me out, they leave the rest behind. This also doesn’t impress him. 

You could read this macking-on-ladies talk as a sign that Wei Wuxian is oblivious to LWJ's feelings for him. But I read it as a bisexual boy being horny on main with a boy he likes, not  understanding yet that some boys don’t share all of his turn-ons.

Lan Wangji is sort of mildly startled when Wei Wuxian disappears under the water. His eye makeup is good here, isn’t it?.

Ice Cave

They end up in an ice cave and both spend the rest of the episode showing how good they look with wet hair. 

When the guqin starts attacking, Lan Wangji is only mildly perturbed about Wei Wuxian getting his shit rocked over and over.

Eventually he sends Bichen to protect his very bedraggled date. Lan Wangji’s sword is faster than the speed of a very slow sound wave.

Beauty's where you find it not just where you bump and grind it 

Gusuship Down

I feel like there are a couple of things in this show that are so problematic the fandom has silently agreed to never discuss them. Well, I’m here to talk about this one:

There are rabbits in this ice cave and they are wearing headbands. HEADbands. On RABBits.  

EXCELLENT FUCKING QUESTION, LAN WANGJI

*deep breath*

Are these rabbits lineal Lan descendants? Who makes the headbands? How do they stay on because “headband” here means “glowing cloud on forehead” without any actual band.  When rabbit babies are born, how do they stay safe while they’re waiting for someone to make them baby-sized headbands? Do these rabbits adhere to the other 3499 Lan Clan principles or just the headband one? Is any ol' rabbit allowed to touch a rabbit’s headband or is it limited to parents and significant others and is that even relevant when presumably these bunnies are all fucking each other like...bunnies?

The characters are like “oh, the rabbits are wearing headbands; killer guqin problem solved.” And then they move right the fuck along with their lives and the rabbit headbands are never seen or discussed again and I just want a hit of whatever the author or creative team was smoking when they came up with this whole idea.

Headband Sharing

When Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji to hand over his headband, Lan Wangji understands his entire rabbit-based thought process without asking

Gen-X Joke Alert

Wei Wuxian is awfully impressed by this sword-recall trick, considering that he did it himself when they went to the lake.

I see you know your way around a sheath

Killer Guqin

When they approach the guqin I hope that the subtitles are mistranslated, because Wei Wuxian keeps promising not to touch it and then says he can't look at it without touching it. I'm not going to touch it, I just need to touch it. 

Lan Wangji is going to teach Wei Wuxian some goddamn boundaries no matter how many times he has to make him fondle his sword.

Nothing suggestive here

Lan Wangji sits down to play the guqin and immediately goes off into the ether where there are seagull noises and plenty of fans. This is either a state of pure bliss, or he just really likes seagulls.

Did Lan Wangji just have a stealth orgasm?

Speaking of getting off, get your ass off of my desk

The Yin Iron

Lan Wangji does some spirit whispering, and suddenly the cave starts yelling at them. A bunch of clans are chanting in unison about a plan, which is the cultivator version of a battle cry.

Lancestor Lan Yi shows up. She is elegant and has a combination of sweetness and gravity that is similar to Lan Xichen’s. And none of Lan Qiren’s douchiness.

Search Party

Lan Qiren is worried and Lan Xichen is worried and they have sent people to look for the boys. It's really too bad nobody around here knows magic.

All these powerful cultivators search for missing people by running around outdoors yelling for them. 

Yanli is excused from PE class because she’s not feeling well, so she sits on a rock in the woods instead of, you know, staying home in the first place. She gets bored sitting down and unwisely decides to walk two or three steps. Xuan Lu, seen here competing in a gymnastics event, gamely pretends she can’t climb a small rock. 

Yanli falls into Jin Zixuan's arms and they gaze at each other for a long heterosexual moment. 

No homosexual explanation possible

This means two things: 1. he isn't looking very hard for her brother if he's hanging out here catching wobbly girls 2. soulful longing looks from him ain't shit, because he's going to dump her in the next episode.

Lanny Granny

Lan Wangji intros himself to Lan Yi and does a full prostrate bow. Wei Wuxian does a standing bow since he's not a descendant, just a future in-law.

No I mean come on, HEADBANDS

Lan Gran explains the entire history of the yin iron. It's bad, it's full of resentful energy, no-one should use it. She’s going to dump it on a couple of 16 year old boys, one of whom has a woody for using resentful energy, because it’s destiny and her battery is about to run out. 

Props to the Prop Department; this thing does look pretty cool

Xue Chonghai was the most problematic cultivator back in the old days. He killed a lot of dudes and fed their resentment to...a turtle? To the disk? I don’t know; I literally am unable to pay attention when anyone is explaining the intricacies of the unobtanium Yin Iron. 

Anyway there’s a disk and it’s soaked up a lot of resentment.  

Using it makes people evil. Well except..clearly this dude started off evil, yeah? If he was feeding people to his turtle.

Side effects may include: being fucking crazy

Here Wei Wuxian brings out his "resentful energy is awesome" theory and has an experienced grown-up grand master tell him that she also thought this, and has spent 100 years locked in a cave with headband-wearing rabbits because she was super fucking wrong. Does this deter him? ...nope

Baoshan Sanren

Now she name checks Baoshan Sanren, and Wei Wuxian has a big reaction and Lan Wangji has a big noticing of Wei Wuxian’s reaction. He’s very attuned to Wei Wuxian’s emotional state, in the moments where WWX lets his actual feelings show through the sass and swagger.  

Lan Gran talks about her search for the Yin iron, and Lan Wangji wisely says, if you can't neutralize it, why look for it? And she says, I was filled with hubris just like ya boi Wei Wuxian.  Lan Wangji points out the exact same shit he will later point out to Wei Wuxian.

So now we have a parallel in which Lan Yi is just like Wei Wuxian and Baoshan Sanren is just like Lan Wangji, yeah? Which is kind of sweet; it shows how these types are drawn together and how your clan doesn't determine your personality. Also it shows how the Lan clan has room for an unorthodox clan leader. Also it shows how the Yin Iron causes some really bad breakups. 

These boys are standing on snow barefoot which has got to take a pretty high cultivation level. Look how short Lan Wangji is without his stilettos, aww.

Flashback to Baoshan Sanren, just long enough to appreciate how beautiful she is.

Did OP give up on recoloring that flashback-blue-hazed image and just start fucking around with random filters? Yes she did. 

We also get to see that Lan Yi and Lan Wangji have more common than just guqin, because they both like to solve problems by kicking them.  

So after breaking up with her girlfriend, Lan Gran became invisible in this cave for 100 years while trying to contain the Yin iron and put headbands on rabbits. 

Soundtrack: Vogue by Madonna Writing prompt: Watership Down rabbits meet Lan rabbits

Bonus extended bath clip:

Bai Yu, Detective L

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Persephone's Symphony | Day Two / Part One | Hades

Hey lovelies this isn't completely done (this chapter, I mean) but this was a good spot to post it because it's been a while and I'm proud of this part. The next part will be about the same length (I'm guessing) and will be the long awaited bathtub scene! enjoy, and sorry for how ramble-y this chapter is. It's on purpose LOL!

Synopsis: In which he is the bad one— the dangerous one, the clunky one, the one who only knows how to break things— and she is the good one— the fragile one, the soft one, the one who knows how to put things back together— and he has to keep her alive long enough for anyone else— anyone who can do more than kill— to save her like she deserves to be saved— to save her from him. There are no pomegranates, no three headed dogs, and no requirement to stay— that is, if they don’t count an assassin on the loose out for her neck. In that case, three days in a safe house doesn’t feel like a long time— just long enough for Persephone and Hades to remember why opposites attract.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (third person)

Warnings: PTSD in action on both parts, self-loathing

Word count: 2.7k

Previous | Next

Master List

Maybe saying yes is the wrong answer. It certainly goes against the protocol his commander explicitly told him to follow.

Stay inside, Barnes. Keep the curtains closed, limit the amount of lights on inside the house. Don’t let her out of your sight— not even for a second.

It was all basic, day one things that any rookie would know. Bucky is a lot of things but he isn’t a rookie— he’s been around the block his fair share of times and then some. Still, the last thing his commander had told him rings through his ears as he crosses the threshold of the Wilson’s family residence and feels the sun, warm and steady on his face— and on his one, good arm— for the first time in twenty-four hours.

Be a ghost, Barnes, or you might just become one; you understand me?

Bucky had answered yes, again— obviously. Maybe that’s just a thing he does; saying yes when he doesn’t know what else to say. Saying yes when he should be saying anything but.

But what?

But it’s not like it really matters— there was no other choice that time. He’s a soldier, he was given his orders, and— whether he likes it or not— Bucky always follows his orders.

The door creaks shut behind him, a little loud for his liking but the sound of the willow trees snapping in the yard are enough to drown it out for the most part— Well, Bucky always follows most of his orders.

That was also before everything went straight to hell, though— before no one thought to tell him that he's not dealing with a victim; he’s dealing with a survivor. Fucking military— he should have known they’d leave the important details out. They’ve been shoddy since the forties, always squirreling away information from the little guys. Eighty years later, one hundred and six years old, and he’s still a little guy. No closer to gaining an invite to the big kid table than he was at twenty-six when he still had two good arms. If anything he’s further away now, begging for scraps when there was once a point in his life where he at least had a seat somewhere.

With someone.

Nothing’s changed— nothing will change and he doesn’t expect it to— but this time there’s a difference.

There’s a big one.

It’s the canyon between grief and watching your family get slaughtered in front of you; the insurmountable jump from longing for those you’ve lost and having them ripped away from you so violently that you can’t function. Can’t sleep. Wake up scared. Jump away from every touch, every noise, like every shattered vase is out to personally kill you—

Why the fuck wouldn’t they tell him that the girl he’s supposed to be protecting has PTSD? He may be old— the term may be different now— in his day they used to call it shellshock— but it’s yet another thing that hasn’t changed. Nothing ever changes; not really— not for him.

Soldier.

Scientist.

Same fucking difference— the signs are still the same and she has all of them.

He would know— he should have known from the moment he walked through the door— they should have told him!

He saw the pictures. Saw the scarlet circles and lifeless eyes and blood. Fuck, there was so much blood and that was just a grainy photpgraph from a junky projector! He couldn’t smell it— couldn’t taste it— through the pictures but he has an imagination— well, what’s left of one at least. He can’t say he didn’t leave most of his creativity in those hills of Austria— gods only know he left most of everything else there— but even if he had left all of it he wouldn’t have to dig far for a memory of his own. They don’t tell you as a soldier that fresh blood smells like rotting honey— that it lingers in your clothes and hair and on your goddamn lips for hours.

Soldier.

Shooter.

Fucking psychopath with a gun and one arm and snow still shoved so far down his throat that he can’t breathe—

No, if they don’t bother telling their soldiers then there’s no way anyone thought to tell the cherry pie angel. They probably thought it would ruin her sweetness. They probably didn’t even think to tell her at all. Bucky definitely didn’t. He should have. If he had, maybe he would have been able to catch her before the flies ate through her wings completely. Maybe if he had just done his damn job instead of being sucked in by the sticky marmalade of her laughter then he would have seen the way she was melting right in front of his face. July in Brooklyn does that to a person.

It brings the flies to the cherry pie.

The flies to the rotting honey.

The flies to too fucking late— he had twenty-four hours and instead of doing something he just let her sink. Some guard dog he is.

Bucky watches as she gingerly sits on the edge of the white swing, her movements stiff, almost mechanical. She lifts her feet as soon as she’s down, toes hanging a good few inches off the ground as they curl around the thick bayou air, clenching and unclenching rhythmically. They never touch the bamboo mat and her eyes never lift from the shoreline— not even when he takes a couple measured steps towards her. It’s unnerving, to say the very least.

“We can’t stay out here too long.” Bucky isn’t used to speaking this quietly but it feels like if he doesn’t level his voice to match the whispering of the wind across the bulrushes then he’ll be hurting her more than he already has.

Her answer isn’t any louder than his— the only reason he even hears it at all is because he refuses to look away from her. He only hears her because his eyes are already on her lips, willing her to stop sinking her teeth into the soft flesh. Please, please, please stop—

“I just need a few minutes.”

Her eyes are wide and rimmed with red, toes continuing to work against the breeze with the same automatic movements. Clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench. He doesn’t understand. It’s like she’s trying to work the feeling back into them— or maybe like she doesn’t know that she’s doing it at all. Hell, if the way her eyes have glassed over means anything then he would wager that there’s a good chance she doesn’t even fully know she’s outside. Yeah, that’s shellshock alright. Clench. Unclench. Clench. He doesn’t realize he’s copying her movements until his jaw aches.

Unclench.

“I know, doll. I—” He finally tears his gaze from her rigid figure— from her bruised lips— looking as well to the horizon. Maybe she’s on to something; maybe the waves will tell him how to help her— “I know.”

Can they tell him how to help himself? He shuffles forward again, stopping at the edge of the swing, gaze sweeping from the water to the barriers of the premise. Who is he kidding— of course they can’t. This isn’t about his salvation anymore. Those days have more than come and gone. Now it’s about hers— it’s about an assignment and keeping ten toes and ten fingers connected to two legs and two arms. Right now is about an order and Bucky Barnes can certainly follow orders— maybe that’s all he can do.

He gives the shaking girl who— despite everything— is swathed so prettily in the shade of the porch another once over.

Maybe but maybe not too.

Maybe he can’t follow orders at all.

Maybe he can’t afford to think about it for too long.

Because if he can’t follow orders then what can he do?

Bucky is still staring at her when she speaks again but her sudden words still make him jump nonetheless. “There’s room.” Her voice falters for a moment, lips hanging open and eyes faraway, before she continues. “If you want to sit, I mean. There’s room.”

He shouldn’t— he knows he shouldn’t, sitting isn’t a part of his orders— but he does. He couldn’t say no to her if he wanted to.

“Thanks.”

He definitely doesn’t want to say no to her.

“Sure.” Her voice is barely a hum— barely there at all— and he can’t choose whether to look at her lips or her fingers, which are now following suit.

Clench, unclench. Clench, unclench.

It’s an impossible decision— much like the ones from his days as a soldier— but it demands a choice from him nonetheless— unlike the ones from his days as a pawn. Her nails drag over the wood, snagging every so often, but she doesn’t seem to notice. Clench. Can she even feel him next to her? Back in the day— before that day— he used to watch his comrades do the same thing. He used to do the same thing. Sometimes he still does. He knows exactly what he would want someone to do for him.

He makes the choice for an impossible decision, wrapping his hand around hers until their fingers are laced together. “You can talk to me, if you want.”

It seems to work, if only marginally, because she stiffens for a moment, fingers flexing around his. Bucky can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, the way she grips his hand so unsure of herself. Is she unsure of herself, though, or is she still lost somewhere in the depths of her mind, drowning in her rotten honey thoughts?

Her hand stills— an answer in itself— before her voice, slowed as though stopped by lips that have been glued shut, sounds. “Do you ever feel like you’re drowning?”

It’s not what he’s expecting but what else is new— neither was she and yet he’s here, listening to the moments they’re allowed to be outside— all of zero moments, that is— tick away as her toes clench and unclench.

Tick, tick, tick— what would his commander say.

“Yes.”

Steve used to ask him the same thing, Bucky adds silently, but only when they got older.

He supplies, “I think maybe that’s a part of being human.”

Tick, tick, tick— his commander wouldn’t say anything, he would just put Bucky on probation.

Still, he doesn’t rush her— he can’t. He won’t. She just told him she’s drowning; he’s not going to be the ocean to her frenzied attempts to stay afloat. He’ll just hold her hand, and keep looking over her shoulder, and then over his own, and when the time comes he’ll tell her they have to go, because that’s what she’s expecting. He would know— there have been times he’s wanted someone to do the same for him.

Tick, tick, tick— this is worth probation.

“I don’t think I like being human.” She hums back.

No, Bucky wants to say— no, I don’t either, doll.

Being human sucks and he’s not very good at it. He would know, he’s been a lot of things— been compared to a lot of things. Robot. Popsicle. Dog— yeah, he’s a real jack of all trades and so far human isn’t near the top of his ‘favourites’ list. Maybe that’s because if he wasn’t human then he wouldn’t be any of the other things either— maybe if he wasn’t human then he wouldn’t be so easily turned into a monster.

Tick, tick, tick— maybe.

Tick, tick, tick— have his thoughts always been so disorganized?

Tick, tick, tick— maybe it’s the shellshock.

Bucky doesn’t say any of that, of course.

What he does say is— “What would you like to be instead?” —as if he can make everything all better himself.

He can try, at least. He’s been compared to a slave too. Being hers doesn’t sound all that bad.

Thunder rolls over head and it sounds more like a grandfather clock— or the impatient tapping of his commander’s fingers— than anything Bucky’s ever heard. Still, he waits to move. Tick, tick, tick. He waits for a lot of things.

Bucky waits for the sky to turn grey— for the first droplets to mix with the salty bay air and blow against his neck and face.

It’s familiar, the sticky, salty rain, and he isn’t expecting it.

He isn’t expecting Delacroix to remind him so much of his own home in Brooklyn.

He isn’t expecting the way that sitting next to this soft creature feels so much like sitting on the docks with Steve the summer before his enlistment. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning— Steve had said it at one hundred but he may as well have said it then, at eighteen, too. Because little did Bucky know, Steve had always felt a little bit like he was drowning and now Bucky, at one hundred and six, always feels a little bit like a bad friend.

Like a bad brother.

Like a bad dog— he should have scented it out all those years ago but instead he just waited.

Tick, tick, tick— all he does is wait.

Bucky waits for her to squeeze his hand once more— for her tiny fingers to alert him that she’s ready to move.

Maybe if Bucky had waited until Steve had told him that he was ready all those years ago then Steve would have waited for Bucky to be ready too. Because as he sits here, his skin turning swampy in the sticky, salty rain he realizes that no, he wasn’t ready for Steve Rogers to leave him behind.

He wasn’t ready to face the world alone.

He wasn’t even ready to face Brooklyn alone. Sometimes he still waits at the deli for him and orders the hero sandwich because even though he doesn’t like the absurd amount of pickles, Steve always had. Maybe if he eats enough— and waits long enough— then Steve will come back.

Tick, tick, tick— for a man who isn’t patient, Bucky Barnes sure does do a lot of waiting.

Bucky waits for her answer— because that’s what matters most. Not Steve’s wishes, not his commander’s impatient tapping, not even his own nostalgia that’s starting to make him, too, feel like he’s drowning. He used to love swimming in the Atlantic but when he licks his lips and tastes salt he’s sure it would take a miracle to get him to go in again. It would take a hundred years— or maybe just eighteen— and a push from a man who left Bucky almost as fast as Bucky had left him.

“I want to be a god—” she says it so suddenly that he jolts, eyes scanning their surroundings before realizing it’s just her determined, honey hollow voice sounding from next to him— “I want to be god— or invincible— or anyone but me, I think. I just don’t want to be me anymore. So yeah, I want to be a god.”

She still sounds so far away. Like she’s underwater— like Steve that time he wanted to see if Bucky could hear him scream from under the surf. He couldn’t but he told Steve he could. It doesn’t matter anymore— not right now. Only she does and her airy confession.

It makes Bucky’s heart clench and, as a reflex, so does his hand.

He releases the pressure accordingly— in his hand, not his heart— unclench— and as he does she adds— “and I want to take a bath.”

In that moment, despite his worry for her, he’s ecstatic she isn’t looking at him because if she had been then she would have seen the way his jaw drops. It takes him a moment to answer— a moment to pull himself out of the gutter his frozen-robot-dog brain drags him to— but he settles on one thought in surprisingly record time.

He can’t make her a god but he can sure as hell watch her back if she wants to take a bath.

He can’t make it all better but he can do that no problem.

So of course he stands, squeezing her hand one last time before saying, “okay, doll.”

Maybe Bucky is following orders after all. Maybe it’s a matter of choosing which— whose— orders to follow.

____________

Tag list: @xhollycowx @remembered-license @dumble-daddy @hellotvshowtrash @thesummerbucky @elijahs-wife @cari1bunny @im-just-star-dust @motherofallthesmallthings​ @hazardoushallucination​ @em-august @nuttytani @brown-eyed-babes @imaginearyparties

(message me if you want to be added / removed from the tag list -- I'll hold no resentment if you do LOL)

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 23

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

@alastair-appreciation-month

Previous Chapter: Chapter 22

Next Chapter: Chapter 24

Alastair was exhausted. By the time they made it back, it was seven in the evening even if they’d been in the land in between for much shorter. He was cold, still soaking wet, and he didn’t want to know what had been in the water that had flooded the dungeon. He imagined he and Cordelia both smelt terrible, but completely covered in it, Alastair could not smell it himself. It was frustrating, because Thomas and Lucie did not indicate anything about their scent, but Alastair suspected they did smell whatever had been in that water and were just too polite to mention it. Thomas didn’t touch him and kept a little more distance than he usually did.

All the way back to the Herondale’s manor, Cordelia and Alastair were arguing about who could use the bathroom first, until Lucie pointed out there was a second bathroom connected to the master bedroom.

‘Why do you both want to go second anyway?’ Thomas asked. ‘I’d imagine you’d argue about who gets to go first.’

‘Because I am cold and dirty and want to use the bathroom for at least an hour, and if I go first, Cordelia will start yelling at me to hurry up after about ten minutes,’ Alastair said.

Thomas tilted his head. ‘And if she goes first?’

‘Then I will yell at her to get out after ten minutes,’ Alastair said. ‘And since I am freezing I’d be completely justified.’

‘We both have very excessive bathroom rituals,’ Cordelia added. ‘Especially when we’re this dirty. But staying in there for an hour would be rude if someone else also needs to use the bathroom. So whoever goes second can yell and be completely justified, and then has all the time they need to get warm and clean. It’s a good thing there are two bathrooms and we can both go take a shower.’ .’

Two separate bathrooms sounded good. He remembered his childhood home had had that too, before his father had been forced to sell the family home when Alastair was around five. Jem had bought it back a couple of years ago, but Alastair found it difficult to imagine why one person needed a house that big. Although he guessed Jem had grown up there too and had lost his parents at a young age, so perhaps there were sentimental reasons.

Both the Herondales and the Lightwoods were at the manor. Will and Tessa were reading as usual, Sophie was tidying something up in the kitchen and Gideon was pacing back and forth until he noticed the four of them.

‘Finally, you’re back,’ Gideon said, concern written all over his face. ‘What happened?’

‘We got the skin,’ Cordelia said. ‘Grace is free. But the dungeon the skin was hidden in was completely flooded, so if you don’t mind I want to use the bathroom. Alastair and I both do, and Lucie mentioned there was a second bathroom.’

In the end Cordelia took the bathroom connected to Will and Tessa’s bedroom while Alastair took the one upstairs, glad to finally have some peace. He was exhausted as well as cold and dirty. There was a huge bathtub in there and Alastair turned on the water while getting in the shower to first rinse off the worst of the filth and to get warm again. He got out of the shower when he felt like he was semi clean and the bath tub was nearly full. Even if he’d been in the shower for some time and felt a lot cleaner than before, he was still so cold. He got in the bathtub. There was even a bubble bath function, exactly how rich was Lucie’s grandmother?

Perhaps he should ask Thomas to join him here sometime. He imagined that would be nice. Alastair allowed himself to relax. Although he was exhausted, he did feel a lot better than yesterday. At least with Grace freed, he felt like he’d accomplished something. Like he wasn’t useless and deserved to be liked again. That was something he often struggled with.

He sought out memories, but unlike other days he didn’t seek out the bad ones. Right now he wasn’t seeking to make sense of the past, nor was he interested in hurting himself. Instead, he let himself settle comfortably into a memory of Thomas confessing his feelings to him, of their first kiss. It wasn’t all bad, the memories.

When he was younger, they didn’t have a lot of movies at home, so sometimes they would rewatch movies Cordelia had seen at Lucie’s place instead. His mother had been a little concerned about that, usually children being too quiet was bad news but them sitting on the couch for over an hour in the same position was just weird.

Lucie had a tendency to talk through movies, so Alastair had come to associate certain scenes in the Little Mermaid or Aladdin with her commentary. Alastair had always loved Aladdin as a child. Although now he was far more critical of the strange way in which the movie mixed together Persian, Arabic and Indian culture and architecture, at the time Aladdin had been one of the few movies with a main character who looked like him.

He returned to reality after a while, finally warm again and decided to stay in bath for a little longer. Bubble baths really were nice, Alastair guessed if he had ever had enough money for one he’d buy a bubble bath. In the current economical climate he doubted he’d even be able to buy a home, but he could dream.

***

Thomas was busy in the kitchen with his mother. He liked to cook, and was quite good at it. From a young age he’d wanted to go into the kitchen and look at what his mother was doing there, or help out. Barbara was a decent cook but didn’t love it like he and his mother did, and Eugenia had been banned from using the kitchen, but Thomas had picked up cooking quite easily. Now, they were making a vegan shepherd’s pie, Thomas was cutting the onion, trying to cut the pieces as tiny as possible. Compared to his mother, he was less sensitive to onion and was therefore always giving that task while cooking together.

‘Were you surprised?’ he asked out of a sudden. ‘When you and dad found out I like boys?’

His mother threw away the potato peels. ‘Not really. I remember when you were fourteen and would come home from school. You could only talk about this older boy you’d met, about how beautiful his dark hair and eyes were.’

Thomas realized his mother had a point, that wasn’t exactly subtle. And he couldn’t talk about his feelings for Alastair with his friends, so instead he’d talked about him at home. ‘That boy was Alastair,’ he said.

‘Really?’ his mother asked. ‘Now that you mention it, that was his name, but we never met him.’

‘I think dad suggested I invite him over for dinner, but Alastair barely acknowledged me back then and I didn’t dare. Nor do he think he would have accepted.’

‘And while you were singing his praises, James and Matthew could only complain about him. So we figured there had to be a reason why you thought he was perfect when your friends thought he was awful. We weren’t sure it was a crush, or if there was some other reason, we figured it was best to let you figure that out on your own.’

Thomas hadn’t realized it was so obvious, but looking back it was a miracle anyone had missed it.

‘Thanks for that. I don’t think I was ready to talk about it at that age, even if I wasn’t exactly subtle. We do have a bit of a history. While I was in love with him, he was awful to us. I think I idealized him then, because he was beautiful and smart and appeared so confident, and I downplayed his rudeness. But he isn’t like that anymore, he grew up and changed and he apologized for his behavior at school.’

‘People change,’ his mother said. ‘I believe people deserve a second chance. Especially when someone was so young when they made mistakes.’

‘Exactly. And now I feel like I’m getting to know the real him. You and dad, you do like him right?’

‘Of course we do,’ Sophie said. ‘He’s been nothing but polite, although a bit blunt. Your father sees himself in Alastair, he thinks Alastair struggles with connecting to people because of his past, and wants to help.’

‘Alastair thinks you only like him for his ability and his willingness to save me,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m not sure why he thinks that, it seemed unlikely and he couldn’t really explain his line of thinking either.’

Sophie sat down at the kitchen table, cutting the carrots. ‘When you’ve been treated badly in the past, it can become difficult to accept kindness. At some point, you start to expect people aren’t sincere, they can’t be trusted, because that’s all they’ve known.

It was difficult for me, at first, to trust your father’s kindness because I knew people were not always genuine, because I’d been hurt before and I was scared it would happen again. Because I thought, with this scar, who could believe I’m beautiful?’

Before meeting his father, his mother had been in a relationship with a man who’d cut open her face when she’d broken up with him. He’d claimed that if he couldn’t have her, he’d make sure no one else would want her. The cut had left a scar across her cheek and her ex had eventually gone to prison.

Thomas didn’t know the details, but suspected her ex had been abusive before the break up already. People didn’t always realize how dangerous leaving could be for an abuse victim. His mother’s ex had turned to carving up her face with a knife. Benedict Lightwood had decided to sacrifice his wife when he realized she was leaving. He had to admire Alastair for being brave enough to leave his ex. Even if someone wasn’t physically violent it couldn’t be easy.

‘Do you think he distrusts your and dad’s kindness because of that?’ Thomas asked.

‘I think that’s likely,’ Sophie said. ‘I think he blames himself for what happened to him, and might not believe it’s possible for other people to genuinely care for him. Perhaps he thinks people have treated him badly because he’s a bad person, or perhaps he thinks that he’s too broken to be loved. Perhaps to him it is so unlikely that we care for him that it makes more sense that we are kind because we want something from him.’

Thomas figured it was something like that. But what did to mean for Alastair’s feelings for him? Did Alastair think he too would abandon him if things became too difficult? Or did he think Thomas would only stay with him as long as he could satisfy his needs, with no care for his own? Did he feel guilty about falling into that flashback last night when Thomas had touched him, like he was not good enough? Thomas wanted to make him understand that it wasn’t true, that he loved Alastair and wouldn’t abandon him, but he wasn’t sure how.

‘How do I convince him that’s not true?’ Thomas asked.

‘The only thing we can do is let him know we care,’ his mother said. ‘And be patient with him. Does he communicate his feelings to you?’

‘He tends to be honest and rather blunt with his feelings,’ Thomas said. ‘I like that about him.’

When Alastair wanted to be honest, he wasn’t one to dance around the message or his feelings. He was very straightforward and blunt in what he wanted to say, not much like what was common in Britain, to hide behind politeness. Thomas found it refreshing, to know that when Alastair said something nice he meant every word of it.

‘So make sure you communicate with him as well,’ his mother said. ‘I know you struggle with verbalizing your emotions, but you have to let him know how you feel or he might end up believing you don’t really care for him.’

Thomas nodded. His mother was right, he did struggle with telling people how he felt. Most of the time, it was because he was scared his feelings would inconvenience other people. He was determined not to do that to Alastair though, he knew his feelings for him weren’t inconvenient and they weren’t shameful. Nevertheless sometimes it was hard just to get the words past his lips. Perhaps that was why he’d waited so long to come out when he’d wanted to for some time. Ultimately, kissing Alastair when they would see was easier than telling them, but he knew he could not communicate with Alastair the same way, he’d have to tell him how he felt as well as show it.

‘Was it difficult for you, entering a new relationship after the last one had ended so badly?’ Thomas asked.

‘It took a while until I was ready,’ his mother said. ‘At first, I thought, who would want me now that I have this scar? I think Alastair might feel the same way, even if his scars aren’t literal like mine is. It took some time before I started believing Gideon when he said I was beautiful. That is a process, and all you can do is support him and be gentle with him while he works through that.’

‘Last night, something I did triggered a flashback,’ Thomas admitted. ‘I thought he was okay with it, I think he thought so too. Or maybe he was scared to refuse because of how his ex used to treat him. Something I did reminded him of his ex and he panicked.’

‘Did you communicate what you both wanted?’ his mother asked.

Thomas had to think. He’d asked, of course, and Alastair had said yes. But perhaps what they needed was a more in depth discussion of what they both liked and what Alastair was comfortable with.

‘Yes. He likes it when I ask for consent before kissing or touching him. I think he didn’t see it coming. That it would trigger a flashback, I mean. But I don’t want to hurt him, and I think maybe he feels like he isn’t a good partner if he’s not ready to have sex? I’m not sure exactly, but I think his ex was very demanding when it came to sex.’

‘It’s best to ask him,’ Sophie said. ‘You said he usually honest and blunt with his feelings, so I think if you ask him how he feels about sex, he’ll tell you. Those aren’t always easy conversations, but it’s the best way to make sure you don’t accidently hurt him. And I think when you accidently trigger something, it’s best to apologize and move on when he does. Lingering on it might make him feel worse.’

They finished the shepherd’s pie and put it in the oven. Thomas always struggled with preheating the oven at the right time, he didn’t want to leave it on for a long time while he wasn’t ready to put anything in it, but it was also annoying when everything was finished but he had to wait for the oven to get warm. It was another half an hour until it was done, which would give Alastair and Cordelia plenty of time to finish bathing. Thomas hadn’t wanted to say anything but they did smell awful after coming out of that dungeon soaking wet, and he could tell they were both chilled to the bone. He hoped neither of them would get sick.

Thomas sat down on the couch with his father and Lucie. ‘I’d been waiting for you,’ Lucie said. ‘I thought it would be better with you here.’

Gideon frowned. ‘What’s going on?’

‘This might be difficult to process,’ Lucie said. ‘While I was waiting in the land in between, I saw a ghost. Not like I usually see ghosts, she was only half there, transparent like in the movies. Until I asked her to show herself so Thomas could see her too. When I was back in our world, I could do the same thing. According to Grace, I stole a soul back from the thief of souls.’

‘You stole a soul?’ Gideon asked. ‘I’m not sure I’m following. Is she a ghost now?’

‘She’s right here,’ Lucie said. ‘A ghost, yes, but no longer trapped. She’s your mother.’

‘My… mother?’ His father seemed in shock, his voice a whisper. ‘You mean to say she’s here?’

‘She’s been trapped for a long time until I found here. She didn’t realize how much time had passed until we told her and she found out Thomas was your son. She wants to talk to you if that’s alright with you.’

Thomas found it difficult to imagine what his father must be feeling. Would he be happy for a chance to see his mother, or would it only tear open old wounds? He knew Lucie had done the right thing to set her free, and hoped she could find peace and way to move on from this world, but he wasn’t sure it was kind to his father. Not telling him was infinitely worse though.

‘Yes, of course. How does this work? Do you tell me what she’s saying?’

‘Actually, I can make her visible,’ Lucie said. ‘Barbara, show yourself.’

Barbara Lightwood appeared once more, standing in the middle of the living room. She looked a bit disoriented, glancing around before settling her gaze on his father.

‘Gideon. It has been so long,’ she said. ‘Last I remember you were still so small. I’m so sorry for leaving you.’

‘That wasn’t your fault,’ his father said, tears in his eyes.

Thomas wondered if he should leave, if this was a private conversation, but Lucie couldn’t leave since she had made Barbara visible. Perhaps he should stick around for emotional support?

His father had a long conversation with Barbara, telling him about his life, about Thomas’ sisters. Barbara started crying too when she realized Thomas’ oldest sister was named after her.

Thomas imagined Barbara had to be devastated to learn what Tatiana was up to and hoped she could find peace with it. He didn’t think Tatiana could be persuaded to stop by a mother she didn’t even remember. Gideon was the only one of her children who remembered his mother at all, although uncle Gabriel claimed to have a few very vague memories even if he could not recall her face and had no concept of who she had been.

Alastair entered the living room, his hair still damp but otherwise dry, wearing a clean dark green button up shirt with black jeans. Thomas went to him, he didn’t think they’d explained to Alastair what had happened or who Barbara was.

‘That’s the soul Lucie took back, isn’t it?’ Alastair asked.

‘Yes. Her name is Barbara, and she is my grandmother.’

‘Benedict’s wife? The one he sacrificed?’

‘Exactly. Somehow Lucie saw her and when she made her visible, she pulled her through to the world she was in, and now she’s here.’

Alastair looked concerned. ‘Do you think the thief of souls will try to take her back?’

‘I’m not sure. But if she moves on, we think she should be safe. How are you?’

‘Tired, but feeling a bit better. The bubble bath was nice, you should try it sometime.’

Thomas wondered if Alastair meant he should try it because it was nice or he wanted them to use the bubble bath together. He didn’t dare ask for clarification. He’d be far too embarrassed if it turned out Alastair had no desire to take a bath together. Just after he’d told himself he’d have a conversation with Alastair about sex and what he wanted.

‘Maybe I will,’ Thomas said, not sure what he meant he’d do. He wasn’t opposed to taking a bubble bath with Alastair, but wasn’t sure Alastair was ready for something so intimate. He’d ask later, he told himself. ‘You smell nice.’

All traces of whatever dirt he’d been in were gone. Instead, he smelt sharp and minty, but also sweet.

‘Just my shampoo. And I guess also the scrub, bath oil and body cream, but they all have the same scent.’

‘I like it,’ Thomas said. ‘Like eucalyptus, maybe?’

‘That’s in the products I use, yes,’ Alastair said. ‘Are you alright?’

Thomas guessed Alastair had read some worry on his face. ‘Well, I never knew my grandmother so it’s mostly confusing. I think it’s hard for my father though. He lost his mother when he was five, it’s been a very long time and seeing her again has to be painful.’

‘I can’t even imagine what that’s like,’ Alastair said. ‘But I’m happy for him that he gets the chance to talk to her even if it’s only once. He deserves that.’

‘They really do care for you, you know,’ Thomas said, returning to the kitchen with Alastair in tow to check on their shepherd pie.

‘Your parents?’ Alastair asked.

‘Yes.’

‘I don’t know,’ Alastair said, head bowed down, avoiding eye contact.

‘I just asked my mother, she likes you and you remind my dad of him when he was younger. They both care. I’m not sure why you have this idea that they don’t, but I thought you should know.’

‘I don’t know how to explain,’ Alastair said, still refusing to look him in the eye.

Thomas guessed eye contact might be difficult for him. Lucie was the opposite, staring into people’s eyes so much it became uncomfortable. She was a writer, after all, and how else was she to know Thomas’ hazel eyes had both hints of green and gold in there?

‘My mother thinks it’s because you were hurt so badly you find it difficult to believe people could love you. If you want, you could talk to her about it. I may not know what it’s like, but she does. Her ex hurt her too.’

‘Not everyone is as easy to love as you are, Tom,’ Alastair said with a sigh. ‘Now that you’ve seen the extent of my scars, how long until you realize that I’m just not worth the pain?’

His mother was right, Alastair did believe he could not be loved. He believed Thomas would grow tired of him? That it was painful and difficult to be with someone like him and it wasn’t worth it? How could Thomas make him see that he was wrong, that he was loved and that he deserved that?

‘You are worth it,’ Thomas said, running a finger through Alastair’s soft dark hair. ‘Having a mental illness doesn’t make you unworthy of love, it doesn’t make you too difficult.’

‘You realize that this might never go away, right?’ Alastair said finally looking up. Thomas realized with a shock there were tears in his eyes. ‘I still have hope for EMDR, but PTSD is a very difficult disorder to treat. Perhaps it will get better over time, but it might not.’

Thomas imagined that was a difficult idea for Alastair to cope with, knowing that he might never get better. He’d read a lot on PTSD in the past week, and it was true that it was difficult to treat, especially when caused by prolonged childhood abuse. But according to his admittedly limited internet research, even then people could learn to cope better, find better support. One metaphor he’d found interesting was how the symptoms were like waves of the ocean, Alastair might not be able to stop them but he could learn to surf.

‘And if it doesn’t go away, I’ll still want to be with you,’ Thomas said. ‘I’d still do the best I could to support you. My feelings for you are not conditional on you getting better, although I certainly hope you do. For your sake.’

‘It’s easy to say that now,’ Alastair said softly, once more refusing to look him in the eye.

‘I’ll prove it to you then,’ Thomas said. ‘I don’t care how long it takes until you believe me, but I’ll keep proving I care about you.’

‘Just how do I intend to do that?’ Alastair asked.

‘Well, I’m still figuring that out but it would involve lots of cuddling. And my mother thinks it’s important that I tell you how I really feel, so I’m going to do that too.’

Alastair’s expression changed, showing a small smile someone else might have missed. ‘I’d like that. When will you be next available for cuddling?’

‘Give me a moment, I need to check on the shepherd’s pie. You need to eat and I couldn’t feed you burnt food.’

Thomas checked the oven, everything looked fine and needed a little more time in the oven. He set the timer and returned his attention to Alastair.

‘I am available right now if you want. Another ten minutes until we can eat.’

[plussizeappreciationfics]

OS: Dangerous meddling

Requested?    Yes  l   No

By: //

Pairing: John Boyega  x African/Black plus sized reader

Summary: Some dangerous meddling results in John’s life being on the line

Warning(s): language, crying

Word count: 2,607

Picture(s) found on: Pinterest/Google

“I just find it weird that your ex knows where we were yesterday while celebrating our one year anniversary, [Y/N]!” John loudly expressed before rolling his eyes when you shrugged your shoulders in frustration again. “I don’t know either, I haven’t talked to Joe in three years!”.

Your boyfriend let out a low hum and just shook his head, looking at you sitting on his couch.What was supposed to be your amazing anniversary dinner had turned into your ex popping up with an engagement ring and almost fighting John to “prove his love to you”. The three of you got kicked out of the fancy restaurant and John couldn’t even look at you the rest of the evening.

You ended up sleeping in the guest bedroom but not being able to close your eyes for a split second as this was the second time your ex had somehow found out where you lived and where exactly you were out and about with John. And the weirdest thing was that he appeared always after you’d visit your maybe soon-to-be mother in law as she’d try to make you break up with John.

 He had explained many times that he preferred letting his mother know about his relationships once they turned serious because she had the tendency to become very overprotective and find a reason to dislike any female he brought home to her. Having gotten the heads up was nice because once you met John’s mother, she immediately went for the kill and voiced how she hated the way you dressed, spoke and just literally existed in this world. His father had to actually pull his wife to the side and remind her that she was doing way too much for having met you just a minute ago.

You tried your hardest to get her to like you because you loved your own family and wanted to start one with John once he’d put a ring on your finger. You had no idea what you had done wrong but ever since he had introduced you to his mother three weeks ago, your life had turned into a dramatic soap opera.

The fact that she hated you for no real reason slowly began to get to your head and you were currently at a state where you avoided visiting her and John having to beg you to join him as he wanted to make peace in between the two most important women in his life.

“Babe...Please believe me. I’m just so done with this shit. We were supposed to celebrate our love and discuss or future together but instead it all ended up in a shit show” you begged and let out a tired sigh. You hated feeling so distant from your lover as you wanted nothing more for him to hug you, kiss you and take you to his bed and makeup for the time you had lost the day before.

“I believe you, my Queen...I’m just afraid that you’ll leave me for Joe. I was projecting and I wholeheartedly apologize for that” and with that you quickly stood up and rushed over to your boyfriend who already was grinning at you, nothing but pure love and joy sparkling in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around your thick waist and slowly inhaled your delicate scent. This was one of the many reasons why you loved John so much, the two of you never raised your voices at one another. Always talked every issue through like adults and knew when to put your pride and ego aside and just know that you had messed up wanted to do better next time.

The world stopped for a moment as you felt safe and at home again in his arms. Your heart fluttered in your chest as your stomach churned in delight, your body mind and soul loving every sensation you felt when being so close to the man who had your whole heart. You hated arguing with him but making up was the best part of it all as you always grew closer as a couple and evolved individually.

“I love you” John gently whispered while smiling down at you, his gorgeous face making you copy his actions. “ I love you too”. Seconds later, your plump lips met in a tender kiss that soon enough developed into something more needy and heated. Your boyfriend didn’t hesitate to pick you up and slowly walk you out of his living room while his lips continued to leave you breathless and craving for his body moving on top of yours.

~~~

“Mom, why would you do that?!”  John desperately demanded  while his mother was held her back by the shoulders by him, she huffed in anger while glaring daggers at you. You stood frozen on the spot, your newly bought blouse covered in red wine and your eyes staring back into her hatred filled ones. Grace, John’s sister was trying her best to save your blouse with a wet kitchen cloth while apologizing in the name of her mother, the anxiety and nervousness radiating off her like direct sun rays.

“I really don’t know what has gotten into her, [Y/N]. Please forgive her, I know deep down that she likes you but I can’t explain you why she’s acting this way” her words weren’t helping you at all, only increased your mind into thinking of different scenarios to kill her off. You weren’t a violent person but also didn’t let anyone disrespect you like that, especially when you had been nothing but kind and respectful in the first place.

“Your hand slowly balled into a fist and your body began to shake, the pent up emotions of the shit show slowly getting to you. You had spent hours thinking of ways that you somehow had done something bad to Abigail but couldn’t think of something. At the very first encounter, you had bought her some beautiful African Wax Print fabrics that John had highly approved of. He loved that you knew your African roots and ancestry and were able to relate to him in many ways. 

You had thought that the beautiful fabrics would make Abigail see that John had gotten himself a good woman as you had continued to introduce yourself and let her know about your job and family a little bit. But the meeting ended in her rolling her eyes at every word that left your lips and her sending you back home with the fabrics.

“Get this woman out of my house!”  Abigail suddenly yelled, making everyone jump. The rest of John’s siblings were watching the whole scene from a safe distance, away from the kitchen as they all feared their mother when she was angry.

“ What have I done to you?!”  you yelled back. 

John’s eyes popped out in surprise as he could see that you had reached your breaking point. Tears were filling your eyes as you began to huff and not let them cascade down your face. Grace threw the cloth to the side and hugged you tightly as the two of you actually had become close friends. She had been your shoulder to cry on whenever you and John were arguing about their mother. He often tried to excuse her behavior but also couldn’t dismiss your feelings and felt stuck, you felt like he was on his mother’s side that hurt like a bitch.

“I-” you took a deep breath and continued to glare at Abigail, “I have done everything to get you to like me! But you still find a new way to disrespect me EVERY TIME you see me! How can it be that you’re quick to criticize everything I do but can’t even tell me or John why you actually hate me??”, your words left her speechless, the kitchen becoming silent as no one spoke a word.

Your boyfriend slowly let go of his mom and rushed over to you, Grace stepping aside and watching in sadness how the strongest person she knew was breaking down. John’s heart was aching in his chest as he realized that he taken the wrong side. His mother had been nothing but disrespectful and mean to you and he couldn’t say why. Had he asked his mother why she hated your guts?

Yes.

Did he get a proper answer?

Nope. Only more “reasons” to break up with you as you were “nothing but pure evilness”. She always had so much to say before concluding her rants with how much she loved her son and didn’t want him to settle down with the wrong woman.

The only problem was that this behavior was nothing new to the Nigerian actor. Abigail would always let her claws out and try to cut any woman he introduced to her. They either were “money hungry” or “clout chasers” and that was the reason why he waited until he was serious with someone before he’d let them meet his mother.

“I am so sorry, babe”  he apologized in your ear and hugged you tight, frowning when you clung onto his broad shoulders and let out a shaky sigh. You clenched your eyes shut and tried to calm down at his touch, a part of you being very disappointed at yourself as your mother had taught you to never raise your voice at an elder. But fuck it, respect had to be earned, not demanded.

“See how she’s trying to break this family apart?! Leave her, John before she’ll get access to your money and spend it all!” Abigail yelled out and tried to charge towards you but her husband rushed in to stop her from reaching you.

“That’s enough”  he calmly said and turned to you, shaking his head in disappointment. “ Take her home, son. Your mother and I have some things to talk about”  he then turned to you and gave you a sympathetic smile “I’m sorry, [Y/N]”. With that, John pulled away from you and let Grace hug you one last time before she got your purse and gave it to you. The silence continued to fill up the thick tension while you were gently led out of the house, the stress leaving you exhausted. 

~~~

The last sniffles left your mouth as you slowly lowered your body into the bathtub, the warm water immediately relaxing your tensed muscles. You instantly relaxed and closed your eyes, the events of the day replaying in your head. “You okay, babe?” John gently asked from the toilet seat. He was just staring at you with sadness and disappointment clouding his eyes. He felt like he had betrayed you and was silently promising to make it up to you.

The events from earlier on was something he would never forget, it made him realize that not only was he ready to settle down with you, he was ready to marry you and expand your family of two to three and maybe more. He had felt it since meeting you for the first time. The Nigerian actor wanted nothing more but peace and harmony in his life and he was ready to do anything to get it.

“ I’m good”  you mumbled, your eyes still closed, your brain tuning out the rest of the world and him included. He nodded his head before standing up and giving you some space. He knew that that’s what you needed right now.

Once he had walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him, he made his way to his bed and couldn’t help but smile at the new satin sheets and pillows you had gotten him a few days ago. They made his room look even more cozier than before. He loved how he had let you make his home yours too and wanted you to move in with him, or purchase a new house where new memories could be made in.

Just as John had arrived at his bed, his phone that was lying on top of it started to vibrate. He reached down to grab it and looked at the screen, seeing that his mother was calling him. With a frustrated sigh, he swiped over the green phone icon and held it to his ear, not ready for what his mother had to say now.

“John, I want to apologize...”

 said Abigail before letting out a sigh. This made the actor frown and look around him like he was being filmed with a hidden camera. He couldn’t believe what was happening and something deep inside him told him that his mother’s words weren’t true.

“You need to do more than just say this mom. You disrespected the love of my life on every occasion”, the anger slowly began to bubble up inside him again. He loved you to death and now had realized that if he’d have to put some distant in between his mother and him in order for you to be comfortable, he immediately would do it.

“I know that I’ve been acting crazy but I don’t want to lose you, my son. Please tell me how I can redeem myself”. 

John let out a long sigh, he felt torn. He knew that putting you and his mom in one room could lead to another bad interaction but on the other hand, she owed you MANY apologies. He let his mind wander for a few moments.

“Prove you really are sorry and ready to accept [Y/N] as my girlfriend by coming by tomorrow and genuinely apologizing to her. I want you to mean it and do better in the future because I’m going to marry her”.

Abigail gasped softly to herself, being surprised at the new fact she just had learned. The other line was silent as John patiently waited for her to speak. So, she swallowed the feelings bubbling up in her stomach and muttered a slow, “ I will do as you ask” before wishing her son a good night and ending the call.

John locked his phone and dropped it onto the bed before doing the same thing with his body, feeling the stress of today’s events slide into the back of his mind and new worries of how tomorrow’s meeting might go fill up his head. 

While he stared up the ceiling and thought of every single thing that could go wrong the next day, [Y/N] was standing at the other end of the bathroom door with her hand stopping herself from making a sound, having listened to the phone conversation and hearing for the very first time her beloved boyfriend wanted to marry her. The delicate sensations she felt from those few words left her emotional and happy...

To be continued...? 

Tag list: @jamesbarnesappreciationclubub  l @pleasantdreamqueen l @disneymarina l l @harleycativy  l @sparklemichele l @melaninmarvel l @amethyst09 l @the-force-of-imagines l @bossyboyd03 l @pebblesz892 l @stars8melanin l @brittyevans l @toc1985 l @janeyboo l @badassbaker l @winters-beauty l @cannonindeez  l @ilovefanfic86  l @adorablespecialsnowflakes l @brittanyovens l @kanupps06 l @jazmynejack l @thebookwormslytherin l @theunsweetenedtruth l @talannalew l @littlexmissxfandomxlover l @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes l @crimsonash330 l @booklover2929 l @aranelgrey l @panda-duuu l @thisismysecrethappyplace  l @titty-teetee l @honey-anon l @princess-evans-addict l @hp-hogwartsexpress l @malindacath  l @letsdisneythings l @scorpionchild81 l @shado-raven l @alisoncdariel l @plutoneu l  @queenoftheworldisdead l @briannab1234l @miyaeadys-blog l @thenamelesscorpse2185 l @hihellogoodbyebruh l @nackrosor l @nerdgurl1985 l @2darkskinbeauty l @bugngiz l @african-melanin-goddess l @barnes-wilson-love l @ktiz90 l @let-the-love-in l @forlornfortitude l @robinredboob l @hopefuloperaangelnerd l @kola95 l @partypoison00 l @alwaysadreamingoptimist l @reniescarlett l @g0thicdream l @mayasopinions l @captaintightpants58 l @leillee

-Emmanuelle 💋❤️

[tlbodine]

Skin Thief Project Post-Mortem

In which I ramble about the WIP I just finished, and my thoughts about what I learned, what worked, what didn’t, what I’ll do differently next time. I thought it might be interesting to put this out there in a public space, because this is a phase of the creative process that’s really important but also never gets talked about, somehow? 

But I will put it all under a cut because, hello, spoilers. Don’t read this if you don’t want to get spoilered about the book!

I often express confusion at the way other people are able to write stories that follow outlines or more-or-less adhere to the vision they had in mind when they started, and I think this book is a really clear example of what I mean when I say “I don’t do that.” 

The initial spark of the idea came while playing a short indie horror game called Serena. There’s a little bit of flavor text in there that alludes to Irish folklore, and the subtext of the game has to do with abuse and possibly captivity, and somehow that made all the synapses in my brain fire off about selkies and the sort of control taking their skins affords you. 

In the stories, taking the seal skin is always a very incidental thing. But what would happen, I wondered, if someone were ripped out of it? What if the story treated the rape and kidnapping metaphor of the myth with the kind of horror it demands? 

The second thing that struck me at the time was financial abuse and other types of insidious control, and how especially rampant they seem to be in creative professions. I read accounts of dysfunctional, damaging relationships between “young, vulnerable creatives and influential men who abused their status” and thought about how that specific type of abuse was a very good fit for the selkie metaphor that was rattling around in my head. 

The skeleton of an idea came together: 

A rich, important man of some kind who takes a selkie captive for some reason

A girlfriend character who’s in an abusive relationship with the man but doesn’t realize it

To escape the relationship, she has to become aware of the selkie, sympathize with her, try to free her, and in the process realize her own bondage so they can escape together 

I had two clear scenes in mind from the beginning, little mind movies that sat fully formed in my head: one of the selkie being forcibly pulled from her seal skin, and a sequence where the selkie and the girlfriend would both turn into seals and swim away to freedom together. I had no idea what would connect those scenes or how the logistics of them would work out, but those thematic bookends formed the general shape of the plot arc. 

The problem was figuring out how to approach the story from a narrative perspective. 

At first I’d imagined the story told from the selkie’s POV, with her held captive in a more obvious manner -- tied up in a basement, maybe, kept in a cage, appealing to the girlfriend/wife in fleeting discussions. But I struggled with getting the selkie’s voice right. I wrote a chapter experimentally in her voice (it’s still appended to the beginning of the book on Wattpad) but it didn’t feel right. She’s fundamentally inhuman, from a very feral background, living primarily among seals, and having her pull the weight as a narrator didn’t feel authentic to the story I was trying to tell. It also made it hard to get any sort of interiority with the girlfriend character, whose history and abuse was so insidious that it needed to be told through her own perspective -- it wasn’t the kind of thing that could easily come across in dialogue, since so much of it is stuff she doesn’t realize is abuse. 

So then I thought of telling the story from the girlfriend’s POV. In that version, the timeline would be more protracted and the pacing more gothic. She would be a newcomer to the house, and the selkie would have been captive for a long time. I envisioned a “woman in the attic” sort of arrangement, a narrative where the girlfriend at first thought the house was haunted or something before realizing the origin of the odd noises and discovering the selkie was being kept captive. 

But that didn’t feel quite right either. The dynamic I envisioned -- the one anchored to those two key scenes in my imagination -- demanded that the girlfriend be in the relationship for a long time. It required that she slowly realize the nature of her abuse by seeing it paralleled in someone else. Having her be relatively new to the house and relationship would have shifted that to a different sort of dynamic, one where she saw what kind of danger she could be in. 

So I scrapped that idea. 

I spent a lot of time afterward kind of missing both of those perspectives and the stories they contained, and wondering if I missed the mark with the approach I finally chose. I guess we’ll see how it does with test audiences on wattpad and how I feel when I come back to it after a cooling-off period. 

What I ultimately settled on was an alternating POV between the girlfriend and the man, leaving the selkie’s inner world to be more of a cipher. I thought it would be more interesting (and chilling) to see the way a rich, powerful, abusive man would justify and rationalize his actions. I think he’s a very frightening character, and one of the more disturbing perspectives I’ve ever written from. Through to the very end, he is convinced of his entitlement. 

That said, arranging the narration the way I did makes this a very heavy read. There are some moments of sweetness and light -- and some occasional comedic relief, courtesy of the selkie’s not understanding things -- but it’s overall very oppressive. I’m a bit worried the story is too oppressive, to the point where it’s not as much frightening as depressing and/or triggering. That’s going to require some rebalancing and consideration in the next draft. 

Some parts that I think work really well: 

The initial selkie rape/skin ripping sequence is exactly as horrifying and uncomfortable as it needs to be

The ending, which sees our two women bonded physically and emotionally, hits mostly the right notes 

The scene where the selkie is in the bathtub and just completely spectacularly failing at acting human is very funny 

Some parts I know need work: 

We’re going to need to see more of Moira and Silas interacting by themselves in the beginning, to get a sense of the creative world they occupy together and how that affects her later -- probably have the story start out in the recording studio, seeing her at work 

We’ll probably need more characters to come and go and give some better sense of both isolation and social status because right now the whole book feels like it happens in a bubble 

The time line is going to need to be adjusted; either the pace has to be changed to suit a really fast turn-around of events, or the calendar needs to be stretched and filled a bit because, again, bubble

Make this story slightly more fun??? to read??? maybe???

I’ve entered it in The Watty’s this year and who knows what may or may not come of that, but hopefully I’ll have some energy to examine the story in the future. I’ll probably leave it to cool for quite a while, though, since I’ve got the new thriller WIP + those Neverest edits I keep putting off (and don’t even talk to me about the werewolf game, that’s a whole other thing). 

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3. 

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events. 

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school. 

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s  a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that’s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all. 

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card. 

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it. 

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time. 

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but. 

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it. 

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline. 

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period.  Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far. 

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip. 

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay? 

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.)  (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.) 

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh.  Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise? 

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey. 

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done. 

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!! 

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing. 

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips. 

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be  so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout. 

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season. 

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep. 

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing. 

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner? 

[barbabangme]

🚨 🚨🚨BARBA SMUT ALERT 🚨🚨🚨

*a lovely mutual sent this to me and wanted to share anonymously! ENJOY SOME NICE BARBA FUCKIN*

Barba stood at the door of your apartment, a little concerned at how easy it had been to get in past security. He’d talk to you later about that, but for now he had to drop off your miscellaneous files you had left in his office. He was about to knock when he noticed the door was slightly ajar, like someone left in a hurry. Not only that, he heard loud music blasting from inside and became much more concerned. After pushing the door open, he followed the music all the way to the bathroom where he found you lying fully clothed in the bathtub, bottle of wine in your hand.

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You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe how badly you had bombed the case. It was open and shut, and it had been a complete surprise when the defense refused the deal you assumed they would take since the evidence was overwhelming. You had video evidence of the man committing the crime, yet the jury had been loud and clear: “Not guilty.” Never again were you going to underestimate the power of charisma a defendant could bring. In fact, you were probably never going to get the chance to have anything to do with a defendant, since you would almost certainly lose your job over this. Even an attorney that graduated at the bottom of their class could’ve secured a win, yet you graduated at the top and you didn’t. Before you had a chance to play Fernando by ABBA yet again, your colleague, the annoying yet strikingly handsome Rafael Barba stepped through your bathroom door.

“If I knew I was having company I would’ve tidied up,” you said, tequila bottle in hand, still laying at the bottom of your bathtub. At first he just stared at you with a mixture of what looked like pity and disgust. You imagined how this scene looked to him, the man who was put together with his three piece suits and expensive watches. You weren’t a slob but you certainly weren’t as anal as him about having it together. In fact, the last time you had anything together might’ve been the 5th grade when you got put in the gifted children’s class. It was honestly a surprise you got into law school, much less graduated.

“What are you doing?” he finally got out.

“Celebrating the loss of my job and my entry into the world of homelessness.”

“Come on, it’s gonna be fine. You’re better than this,” he said as he stood there awkwardly. You knew cheering people up wasn’t his strong suit, so you couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable he was then.

“You’re better than this. I’m not.” Climbing out of the bathtub, you became acutely aware that your blouse was unbuttoned, the same one you wore yesterday. You couldn’t bring yourself to care though, you were a mix of drunk plus dejected and nothing seemed to matter anymore. Who cares if Barba saw your underwear? It’s not like you would be working with him much longer.

“Now’s your chance to see what’s underneath all those three piece suits,” your inner monologue whispered.

“Oh my god shut up!”

“Excuse me?” he replied, and only then did you realize you said it out loud.

“Nothing,” you responded. “Want a drink? Most of my alcohol is cheap because I’m not exactly ballin like you are, but after enough of it it won’t really matter.”

To your surprise, he followed you to your pathetic looking kitchen. Maybe he wasn’t so straitlaced after all. After embarrassing yourself by almost falling over when you were walking, you finally got out every single bottle of alcohol you owned. It wasn’t much, but what little you had was potent.

“Take your pick, your highness,” you said as you did an exaggerated bow.

“Wow, this is, uh-”

“Awful? Yeah I know, but it’s all I have.”

“I was going to say unique, but that works too.” He grabbed your whiskey and poured himself a glass.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

By the time he got to his third drink, you had seemed to forget all about the disastrous trial. You guys were laughing about something stupid, Barba honestly coudn’t have cared less what about. It was taking all his willpower not to stare at your exposed chest, willpower that was slowly decreasing the more he drank. You were wearing a lacy black bra, something that had always been a favorite of his and frankly it was driving him crazy. All those months of working in close quarters hadn’t helped him with his... interest? Crush seemed too juvenile of a word to describe it. Frankly he almost quit when he found out you were going to be his co-counsel. It was hard enough working in the same department together, now you’d be forced to be together for hours on end, day after day? He was a strong willed man but not that strong willed. But somehow he managed to do it, with the months of your hard work culminated in the sham verdict the jury gave out. At least it would be easier to avoid you now that this was over.

As you poured him another drink, Barba couldn’t help but make a slightly suggestive comment. “Trying to take advantage of me huh?”

“Maybe,” you said in such a way he almost believed there was more to it. He was about to brush it off when the glint in your eye caught his attention. He brushed it off as him reading too much into things, after all you were his colleague and it was highly inappropriate.

“God I’m so glad that trial is over,” you sighed, leaning back into your very old couch. “I can’t believe my last trial ever was a loss.”

“Okay you need to calm down,” he started. “You are going to be fine. Nobody is expected to win 100% of their cases, and the district attorney’s office has faced losses like that before. It’s not a big deal.” He genuinely thought he helped until he saw the look on your face.

“You really don’t get it do you,”you said, your voice low. “You, sir, are going to be just fine. Nothing is going to happen to you, your job is secure. Me? I’m a newbie compared to you. I haven’t been here long enough so for me to lose such an easy case? That looks badly on me, alright? I am fucked. I am so fucked. There is no way my career recovers from this.”

Barba could tell you were getting heated, but he couldn’t help but think you were overreacting and normally he might’ve understood that the smart thing to do would be to keep his mouth shut. However, he had more whiskey than he could remember and his mouth was looser than usual today.

“Honestly, you’re overreacting. The DA might be mad but at the end of the day we’re going to be equally blamed for it and eventually people will forget and they’ll move on. It’s-”

“It’s going to be a god damn disaster that’s what,” you almost yelled. “I don’t get how you don’t see it. I am supposed to be a lawyer that graduated at the top of her class, yet I can’t even secure a win from one of the easiest cases this state has ever seen? Yeah, you were there too but you’ve been in the game longer, you have more wins under your belt than I do, you’re more established. Compared to you I’m just starting out and I started out with a fucking failiure.”

You two went back and forth for a while, until Rafael could sense you were about to reach your tipping point. As you were about to shout something else at him, he calmly raised a finger in your face to quiet you down, held his glass of whiskey with his other hand, and took a drink. You were silenced immediately, mostly trying to figure out where he got the audacity when he put the drink down and looked into your eyes, culminating in what seemed like the longest staring match to ever occur. But something else was different. You didn’t believe in fruity things like auras or horoscopes, but it felt like the energy in the room had changed. All of a sudden, there was an unbearable amount of sexual tension, and it was all concentrated right between the two of you. It was almost as if the arguing fed it, made it stronger, to the point where you knew whatever proceeded would be against both of your moral codes.

After who knows how long, Rafael decided he had enough. “I think we both know how this is going to end,” he said in a deep, husky voice. You tried not to let on how much he affected you, but you just couldn’t help it. He looked so fucking good, with his sleeves rolled up and his jawline taut. You were so nervous, but now wasn’t the time to be nervous. With someone as confident as Rafael, you needed to act like you knew what you wanted and you were going to get it. You leaned in, until your faces were mere inches apart. “Oh really? Because I’m not sure I do.”

Getting up as carefully as you could, you slowly started walking towards the bedroom and began to unbutton the rest of your shirt. You kept forcing yourself to not turn around, you didn’t want to see what he was doing or you would psych yourself out. Right before you got to your bedroom, you felt a strong hand grab your entire arm and spin you. Again, you were eye to eye with him and you swore you felt your heart stop.

“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it my way,” he whispered in your ear. The dom in you didn’t even care, all you needed right now was him and you were going to do whatever it took to have him. Nodding slowly, he led you to the bedroom and sat at the foot of your bed.

“Strip,” he ordered, as he took a sip of whiskey from his glass. You unbutton your shirt as slowly as you could, partly out of fear and partly out wanting to tease him. You could that glint in his eye again, and it only turned you on even more.

After what felt like forever, you dropped your shirt on the floor. Standing in front of him in only a lacy black bra and a pair of fitted pants, you started to unclasp your bra when he held a finger up and stopped you.

“Pants first,” he pointed down. You obeyed, loving how bossy he was, a quality of his that often rubbed you the wrong way. Once you stood in front of him in your matching lacy underwear, it finally hit you how exposed you were. You started to cross your arms when he stopped you.

“I want to see you. Turn around.”

You almost didn’t, just to see what he’d do to you, but you eventually turned around. Once you were facing him again, he stood up slowly and began to unravel his tie. You couldn’t help but stare at his arms, they were just so fucking perfect. He put his hand under your chin and gently lifted your face so your eyes met. “Up here.” Staring into each other’s eyes was a strangely intimate gesture, but not an unwelcome one. You ran your hands under his suspenders as he unbuttoned his shirt. You couldn’t even wait for him to take it off before you ran your hands all over his chest and his back, pulling him closer and he glanced in your eyes for a split second before your lips met.

The first kiss was gentle and soft. He pulled back quickly to gauge your reaction. The second one was much more intense, his hand coming around the back of your neck, pulling you even closer. He slid his hands down your back and unclasped your bra, throwing it on the floor. He turned you around and you two fell back on the bed together, him on top. Your bodies kept moving close together, as if it was physically impossible for them to be apart. He started kissing your neck, and you made sounds you had never made with any other man before. So far, he had exceeded every expectation you ever imposed on him in your day dreams, and you hadn’t even gotten to the main course yet.

He was breathing heavily in between kisses when he whispered in your ear. “Take it out.” Your hands slid down and began to unbutton his pants when you felt it against your leg.

“I hope it’s not that big, my insurance doesn’t cover that,” you thought to yourself. You reached in and took it out and not only was it bigger, the girth was unmatched.

“I think you know what to do.” It may have sounded like a suggestion, but you knew better. Barba was always in control, even when it felt like he wasn’t and that was an order not a suggestion. Sliding the rest of your “clothing” off, you did the same to him with his shirt and pants while he moved around from your neck to your chest to collarbone.

You didn’t even notice it going in because he didn’t warn you. It went so deep you were speechless for a moment, all thoughts void. When you could finally breathe again, he didn’t go easy on you, instead he put one hand on the headboard and used to to drive himself deeper. You could feel your bed slamming against the wall, which was surely going to get a complaint from your neighbor but you didn’t care. He slowed down for a moment to come down and kiss you, so you took the opportunity to run your hands down his surprisingly wide back. He pulled away for a moment, and then flipped you around so your back was arched in the air. Grabbing your hips, he pulled you back onto himself with surprising accuracy.

“He’s done this move before,” you thought to yourself. After almost slamming you down on him, he moved one hand up to your waist to arch your back and the other to your neck and grabbed it.

“Good girl,” he whispered in your ear. You felt a shiver run down your spine and Rafael knew it too, smirking to himself before pulling you back onto him. It wasn’t long before you finished, letting out yet another noise no man had made you make before. You had no idea what it was: the sex, the moves, or the man himself but your never came close to finishing from sex alone before. You figured it was probably the fact that you had spent so long fantasizing about this man, only to have him exceed expectations. You couldn’t stop thinking about his hands on your hips, the way his mouth felt all over your body, how big he was-

Your train of thought was interrupted by his abrupt stop. You looked back at him to see him more fucked out than you had ever seen him before. You turned around to face him.

“What’s wrong?” you said, hoping he wasn’t regretting his decision.

“I’m not usually- I mean, it doesn’t usually happen this fast,’ he said, out of breath. You just smiled at him, stretching your legs out until they were around his waist and brought him closer to you. “That is just fine with me,” you whispered in his ear. The two of you lowered down, once again looking into each other's eyes. You locked your legs around his waist, he wasn’t going anywhere until he finished and when he did, he let out a guttural noise that only ignited a fire within you despite the two of you just getting done. The both of you collapsed on the bed, just the noises of heavy breathing filling the air while you tried to comprehend what just happened. You glanced over at him, half expecting him to have a look of regret but instead you saw something you could only describe as primal in his eyes. After a brief moment of staring at each other, he reached over with his hand to hold your face gently, then gave you the softest kiss in the world. You held his hand with yours, not wanting him to let go.

[vlovers19]

Hello

I will contact you again. You have already answered my question and I realized you thought I was a Vkooker or Jkooker which is not the case.

I am interested in Vmin for personal reasons.

I also thought a lot about shipping. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that this does not really have to do with real VMINS (i.e. with Kim Taheyung and Park Jimin).

It has to do with V and Jimin as Bts members, as jobs as idols and performers on stage.

Why do I think that?

I thought of a year ago when BTS came out of vacation and was preparing for Bon Voyage 4.

One thing that was crucial for me to believe that the KT and JM are what, was a statement or a retrospective question from the camera operator; he said to KT; do you pack Jimins bag yes or do you pack jimins things.

so why should KT pack his things? In the room was JK (with the shipping according to jimin has a relationship) ??????? nobody but really nobody was worried about JM things although he came out of the holiday at night. It was obviously clear to everyone that Taehyun did it!

When JM finally emerged from the bathroom, he came straight to KT and found that he was packing her bags. Then lay down in his arms and nobody but really nobody (not even Jk who was sitting on the arm of the sofa right next to you) reacted as if it were the most normal situation ever. He hugged his KT leg and held his hands !!

You felt that the KT was very burned (because of JM vacation) but that's another story I heard from a Brazilian and Japanese Amry.

There are several things that occurred to me; JM knows that KT has a skin disease and is worried that he will get a skin stroke after washing it off. He also asked if he should take his medicine or if he should give him his medicine. He knows that KT does not tolerate spicy food, that he does not like to drink, that he does not like coffee ... etc etc. He checks whether KT has enough water to drink (also because of his hk)

he covered KT when he was asleep or when they were flying, he listens to him, he feeds him and takes care that he does not hurt himself, he knows things that the others do not know.

Just like TK is against Jm, they care, they know things about themselves .....

I think that's the fabulous !!!!! How do you know? well because they are close, because they live close to themselves, because they spend time, maybe living together I know ...

JM massages KT's ass, he wanted to look at his genitals when KT got a ball because of his game. They want to take a bath together, take a picture of themselves in a bathtub because of JM and KT is sitting on the floor next door and both are watching a series. KT has nude photos of JM! The famous kitchen scene at BV4 as JM repeatedly tried to touch KT, he often does it in a completely different way than usual. The way you slept close to each other in contrast to other members

They hold hands at the airport (I'm sure JM thought nobody sees them) they hug each other as long as no one is around with a camera and then when they enter aeroport's main house KT immediately turns them off. They often come together to the airport. After the festival concert Jm drove away with JK (yes yes Jikooker had evidence for their sipping) but nobody noticed that the menager from KT had 2 bags and one was JM bag! Jm came out of the building without a bag, had nothing with him because his had already left with KT. The JM drove with Jk was pure coincidence; Jk even immediately went to the Hobis car, but there was already RM with Hobi in there and had to drive with JM. So people only see what they want to see.

I thought KT had a slight back injury at the concert, could not walk properly and probably wanted to go home immediately (all that can be seen on youtube there are enough videos with the departure) There was even someone who brought packed food and drinks .

RM is always near and watch out! Whole band knows, Jk of course also (it bravely plays the Vkook and Jkook because he likes V very much) This year things have happened; I think the song Freundes (should be called something else) is such a security tent for Vmins. I know it should never see the light of day but now no matter what happens you are the eternal friends soulmates and nobody cares.

KT posts photos in bed, recommended gay songs by Jm, both wear red threads around their wrists and he should know about it. (I mean the LGBTQ + community)

They talked to their audience about 7 mln ago at Vlive, JM was very upset they saw him, he spoke with high esteem about KT with hope and was lovingly the KT when he said that they just look into his eyes and know what the other thinks ................. my dear man, wow!

The relationship is not for the camera, it is too valuable and is very private

that's my opinion about Vmins. OPINION not just establishing my personal opinion

i love your blog, you should know that.

--------------------------------------

Hello dear, you have no idea how sorry I am for misunderstanding you. I hope you can forgive me for that. Also, I don't really understand everything you wrote but I get the gist of what you are saying and you are right about a lot of things. Vmin's relationship is really truly unique and the fact is that it steadily grows. They keep getting better and better and keep exposing more than they would like to whether they know it or not. You can't keep a secret forever. Like the origin of 4'O clock. The truth is still bound to come out one day.

One interesting thing is that they are never at a standstill and over the years, their relationship kept changing either for good or for bad. There's just something always happening with vmin and most people don't realise what is going on right in front of of our faces.

Everything is well kept and managed under the mask 'friends'. Sort of like a protective shell to shield them and keep the focus away from them. No matter how loud they get, no one really cares till the extent that they sing a song about being each other's soulmate, asking each other to stay and no body minds, posting a bed selca, holding hands. Posting weird things on social media, They are so good at this which is why they can get away with pretty much anything right now. They'll keep testing the waters and when they see everyone doesn't mind, they'll get more bolder. For their sake, I think it's perfect just the way it is right now.

Anyway, thanks for loving my blog and telling me your concerns and opinions. Sorry once again for the misunderstanding. Purple you 💜💜💜

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[douxreviews]

Lucifer - ‘Somebody's Been Reading Dante's Inferno’ Review

"Nobody is what they seem around here."

This was a big one.

It feels like we've been waiting forever for Chloe to discover that Lucifer is only vulnerable to harm when she is around. I'm only mildly a Deckerstar shipper, but I thought that scene in the penthouse, as well as the one where Lucifer nearly took an ax in the chest to save her, were the most deeply romantic scenes so far in the series. And there weren't even any smoochies. There didn't need to be.

It felt at first as if Chloe was on her way to betraying Lucifer. Of course, it made sense that Chloe would throw herself into investigating him, but it's so obvious to anyone who knows him that Lucifer isn't anything like his rep. He was forced into his role in Hell, he's the exact opposite of the Prince of Lies, and he's only killed one person – Cain. The Chicago Fire? Nazi Germany? Come on. The Lucifer we know isn't evil at all.

Does Father Kinley know this, though? He's the one that approached Chloe. What is his real agenda?

While betrayal was out of character, Chloe's deep confusion was believable. Really, what do you do when you realize that you're becoming romantically involved with the Devil? Chloe was actually about to arrest the wrong person at "The Cabin" while Lucifer was the voice of reason, the opposite of their usual dynamic. In fact, Lucifer was serious during most of this episode, very intent on Chloe, testing her with tantalizing bon mots, trying to suss her out. Much less sarcastic than usual.

And his preparation to take Chloe on the perfect date was so sweet. So was his willingness to give his opera tickets to Ella when Chloe said she wasn't ready. Not to mention jumping in front of an ax for her.

I don't have a lot to say about "The Cabin," the reality show that has run for 27 seasons. As usual for Lucifer, the case-of-the-week was used to illustrate what was really going on with our characters. Like, no one is who you think they are, villains aren't really villains, and being the fake villain usually means that you win.

But there was fun stuff going on with our supporting characters, even though there wasn't much of it. Linda is pregnant? Amenadiel has admitted that he loves Earth, loves people, but he's at loose ends and needs a project. Linda certainly just gave him one.

And now that Chloe knows the score, it seems weirder somehow that Ella and Dan don't. Both of them were still trying to cope with Charlotte's death, though. Ella was looking for new interests (a bathtub chicken?) since she is no longer attending church. It's like she's Team Lucifer and doesn't realize it. Meanwhile, back at the precinct, Dan moved his desk as far away from Lucifer as he could get. He's also lost all interest in improv. Too bad. I don't want Dan to be on the outs with Lucifer. They have such a fun relationship.

Bits:

— I love the title of this episode so very much. Of course, it was Lucifer that said it.

— Practically everyone in the cast is seeing Linda professionally: the supernatural beings because they have to deal with humans, and vice versa. Chloe should probably go get her head shrunk, too.

— An Honest Fangirl and I wrote an article comparing Lucifer and Supernatural characters that have the same name. Interestingly, the last couple of seasons on Supernatural featured Lucifer's son, a nephilim. Is that what Linda is carrying?

— I had heard Tom Ellis has been working out more in preparation for nudity in season four. Wow. You think?

— Father Kinley works for the International Association of Exorcists. Okay. I don't really understand how he thought he could exorcise Lucifer, though. Do they think he's possessing someone's body? Does Kinley know about Amenadiel?

— Lucifer's cell has Chloe listed as "The Detective." That's so cute.

— I didn't recognize that lighthouse. Google is my friend. It's in Long Beach, which is a long way from Los Angeles, by the way.

—- The scene where Chloe learned that Lucifer was vulnerable may have been Lauren German's best performance in the series. So far, anyway.

— In those key scenes at the end, Lucifer and Chloe were both wearing plain brown. When two characters are wearing the same color, it's often a visual cue that they're sympatico.

— Did you notice that there were a lot of vampire references in this episode? I'm not quite sure why. Ella's tee shirt, blood-sucking mosquitoes, Lucifer saying he preferred food to blood.

— The cliffhanger, with Father Kinley visiting Lucifer's penthouse to tell him something about Chloe, made me want to immediately watch the next episode. I hope you guys appreciate the sacrifice I made, stopping to write this review first.

Quotes:

Chloe: "He's the villain. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably murders like a duck." Lucifer: "Oh, good idea. Duck. Have you ever been to the Mistal? They do a wonderful duck a l'orange."

Chloe: "No one's who they seem." Lucifer: "Isn't that the point of these programs, Detective? To show that there's no such thing as stereotypes? That in real life a Mary Ann might be hiding inside the body of a Ginger? Or vice versa, which is my personal preference, actually."

Chloe: "So you don't bite the heads off of children?" Lucifer: "No, of course not. I detest the little creatures, and I'd certainly never put one in my mouth."

Ella: "That's so romantic, Lucifer! It's just like Indecent Proposal." Lucifer: "Well, I was thinking more like Pretty Woman, but yes." Helicopter at sunset? La Traviata? Pretty darned romantic. But neither of those movies were about an innocent date, were they?

Chloe: "You walked right through. You're fine. You're completely fine." Lucifer: "Well, it's one of the perks of living in a fiery pit of despair most of my life."

I thought this was an excellent episode. Would that make it four out of four Teflon Totems?

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

I'm baaaack! Next set: Michael Mell (BMC), Dawn (Waitress), Rizzo (Grease) and Seacat (another TBM one bc why not? we bond over it lol). Enjoy!

You’re baaaack! I’m not sure how my ideas on Dawn and Michael will be since I’ve never seen the musicals, only listened to the music. Queen Rizzo and mah boi Seacat, on the other hand, I have them covered.

Sorry it’s taken me so long as well! I’ve been caught up in the final days of my niece and nephews last days of school and the beginning adjustments to the start of summer, so my schedule has been thrown off until now! Thank you for being patient with me! By the way, I’m just finishing this up at 11:30 at night as opposed to the 9 I usually pass out at during the summer, so I’m exhausted and will fix spelling, editing and grammar errors in the morning when my brain isn’t exhausted. 🧡😁

Michael Mell (Be More Chill)

First Impression: My first Impression was based on the song Michael in the Bathroom, so I figured he was pretty dramatic, but also very loyal to his best friend.

Impression now: I still know he’s loyal to Jeremy, has anxiety badly and I really love that he was written so well as a person. As a person who deals with anxiety issues often, if not, (in small doses, usually) daily, I can relate to his mid-party, bathroom anxiety in the aforementioned song. About two years ago, I cried in the bathtub at my sister’s house over having to call in an order for pizza because I was scared of talking to someone and messing up the order; him crying over his best friend is a far better reason for that level of anxiety than mine was.

Favorite moment: “Now, tell me, friend, how was class? You look like ass. What’s wrong?”

Idea for a story: Don’t have one just yet.

Unpopular opinion: he’s actually my favorite character and I wish he had better.

Favorite relationship: His friendship with Jeremy is probably my fave.

Favorite headcanon: One again, I don’t have one just yet.

Dawn (Waitress)

First impression/Impression now: I first heard the song When He Sees Me. I love Dawn. My impression on her hasn’t changed. She’s amazing, I love her to pieces and that will, hopefully, never change.

Favorite moment:

Idea for a story: I’m still new to Waitress so I don’t have one yet.

Unpopular opinion: Don’t have one just yet, but she definitely seems like a Hufflepuff if that means anything. Takes one to know one, I guess.

Favorite relationship: Her friendships with the other girls are really nice. Not so sure on the guy who sang Never Ever Getting Rid of Me (Ogie I think) but since they end up together in the end, I hope it was for the best. My jury is still out on that one.

Favorite headcanon: Once again, nonexistent.

Rizzo (Grease)

First Impression: Bitchy, but nice in the end for some reason.

Impression now: One of my personal favorites from Grease. Actually a nice person, just had a bit more of a background story than I realized when I was 6 and first watched it. After both the live version and watching the original as an adult, I’ve learned to love her.

Favorite moment: (Me when I have to listen to my sister talk about her idiotic moron of a boyfriend)

Really, though, I love all of Rizzo’s moments. Wish she had more screen time.

Idea for a story: Probably what would’ve happened if she had actually been pregnant.

Unpopular opinion: She was written pretty well and was played very well in both the Live version and the Original movie.

Favorite relationship: Her and the Pink Ladies +Sandy. Also, her odd relationships with Kenickie and Danny Zuko are pretty interesting as well. I’d love to see more on their relationships.

Favorite headcanon: She was once naïve, like Sandy, and because of something that happened at the time, she changed her personality to strengthen herself. She sees her old self in Sandy and only acts the way she does so Sandy might end up differently.

Seacat (Teen Beach Movie)

First Impression: He doesn’t Jelly Roll to outsiders. He definitely doesn’t like the bikers and isn’t fond of new people showing up out of nowhere and acting sketchy.

Impression now: He was so well done! I loved him in TB2! His interactions with CheeChee and also Butchy here and there, were amazing and I wish they had done more with the “background characters” such as Seacat. Jordan Fisher did an amazing job with him 🙌

Favorite moment: I love the entirety of TB2’s Falling For Ya, but that’s my second favorite. My absolute top was when he was playing Angry Birds with the slingshot through the window. He’s my little Angry Bird boi!!

Idea for a story: Pretty much the same as I’ll say for most Teen Beach characters that aren’t of the “Main Four,” more backstory and development of relationships and character traits!

Unpopular opinion: He probably would get into a lot of arguments/fights if Tanner wasn’t around. When I see this scene:

All I see is the look in his eyes an. The tension in his shoulders and face show that he’s thinking “It’s about to go DOWN!” But, as soon as Tanner says his first “Excuse me,” and starts parting the sea of surfers, Seacat instantly relaxed and his eyes and face went to, “If he wasn’t here, it would’ve gone down!”

After looking at that, all I think about, is how he only stepped down from arguing with Butchy (and possibly starting a fight in Big Momma’s) because Tanner stepped in.

Favorite relationship: Him and CheeChee, definitely!! Whether you ship them as just friends or romantically, you have to admit that they are hilarious and a great couple either way.

Favorite headcanon: He later went on top either create or inspire someone to create Angry Birds. Maybe, in their reality, he did go on to create Angry Birds! You never know! Perhaps he even still had the old slingshot in the hopes that maybe, someday down the road, he will hit that angry bird outside of Big Momma’s.

[heatherrosebabcock]

Beer and Blood: The Birth of the Public Enemy

by Heather Babcock (copyright 2018)

THREE DETROIT GANGSTERS MASSACRED: DEAD VICTIMS STILL HOLD CIGARS THEY SMOKED WHEN GUNS SPOKE, screamed a rather poetic real life Globe newspaper headline on September 17th, 1931.

Prohibition, now over a decade old, had transformed ordinary citizens into lawbreakers and everyday hoodlums into wealthy, bloodthirsty demigods. 1931 could arguably be summed up as “the year of the gangster”: the newspapers were full of ‘em – stories of “bloody bootleg rackets” and “bootlegger bandit death trysts” dominated the headlines and, thanks to the Warner Brothers studio, the silver screen as well. The studio, which only a few years earlier had revolutionized the industry by ushering in sound (or “talkies”) with 1927’s The Jazz Singer, began 1931 with a bang when they released Little Caesar.

“Be somebody,” Rico, Little Caesar’s ambitious thug, played by the incomparable Edward G. Robinson, enthuses at the start of the film. To “be somebody” is to be rich but as Rico warns “Money’s all right but it ain’t everything. Be somebody. Look hard at a bunch of guys and know that they’ll do anything you tell ‘em. Have your own way or nothin’.”

In other words, to “be somebody” is to live the American Dream and in an America caught in the double fisted grip of Prohibition and the Great Depression, it was a dream gone dangerously delirious - a dream fueled by buckets of bathtub gin; a dream which could be poisonous if taken straight.

Little Caesar was a massive hit – so much so that theaters had to keep it running twenty-four hours a day just to satisfy audience demand; they had done the same thing almost four years earlier with Underworld, Josef von Sternberg’s 1927 gangland epic for Paramount Pictures.  Underworld, a film dripping with both beauty and brutality, is considered by many to be the first successful gangster picture – the Grand Daddy of all gangster movies if you will – but it was a silent film; it wasn’t until the gangsters began to talk when the genre truly secured its choke-hold on the public’s imagination. It is a testament to the power and influence of the movies that when we picture Prohibition-era gangsters today it is not the real-life criminals, such as Al Capone or Jack “Legs” Diamond, who immediately come to mind but rather Edward G. Robinson, a cigar anchored between his lips, or James Cagney, shooting his words out quicker than bullets from a Tommy gun.

Riding the wave of gunfire, Warner Brothers followed Little Caesar with The Public Enemy, released in April of that same year. In The Public Enemy, James Cagney stars as the nasty break-your-word-and-I’ll-break-your-face bootlegger Tom Powers. One wonders if we would still be discussing this film eighty-seven years later if it were not for Cagney. I say that not to lessen the talent of the movie’s other stars, but there has never been any question that The Public Enemy is Cagney’s picture. Originally Edward Woods was signed on to play Tom Powers, with Cagney as his side-kick Matt. However when director William “Wild Bill” Wellman was viewing the early footage he realized that it was Cagney, and not the handsome but reticent Woods, who crackled with an almost frightening intensity. Wellman switched the actors’ roles and both a classic movie and a star were born.

He was beloved by both cast and crew as the nicest guy on the lot but onscreen Cagney could be as terrifying as he was captivating. Watch closely his movements in The Public Enemy – particularly his hands – his gestures are as sharp as a boxer’s jab yet as graceful as a ballet dancer’s pirouette. Indeed, the street smart Cagney had been both a boxer and a dancer. In his own words, from his 1976 autobiography Cagney by Cagney:

“I learned how to dance from learning how to fight. It was feint, duck, quick dance around your opponent on your toes mostly, then shoot out the arm like a bullet.”

Cagney ignores the rules of the early talkies – to speak slowly and to enunciate clearly – instead he spits words out at breakneck speed in his proud Lower East Side New York accent. As we follow Tom Powers’ rise from a young roller-skate snatcher to a vicious bootlegger, we can’t keep our eyes off of him. That is, until Jean Harlow shows up. There is a very good reason why Warner Brothers borrowed her from Hughes for The Public Enemy and for why she shares top billing with Cagney even though she has less than half of his screen time: in the 1930s, studios catered to a female audience and they undoubtedly knew that women would be more likely to buy a ticket to see a gangster flick if Jean Harlow, the original Platinum Blonde and most influential 1930s style and beauty icon, was in it. Just one year later, Harlow would come into her own both as an actress and a comedian: she would make them laugh in Red-Headed Woman (1932) and cry in Red Dust (1932). But her early acting, particularly in The Public Enemy, has always inspired negative criticism and cruel mocking. I for one though appreciate the glitter and grit that Harlow brings to the role of Gwen, Tom’s trophy moll. In Harlow’s hands, Gwen is not a society dame but a dame who craves society – like Tom and Rico she wants to “be somebody”. Working class audiences, the audience that Warner Brothers proudly catered to, adored Jean Harlow. Whiplash may be a viewer side-effect of watching Cagney and Harlow together on screen – it feels as though we are watching a game of ping pong but the ball is their fire. Make no mistake though – the passions that they unleash are at each other, not for each other; Gwen and Tom are not a couple mating but rather individuals fighting for their own place in the world. Their one love scene together is the only time in the film when Cagney appears truly vulnerable but when Harlow says to him “You don’t give – you take,” she could easily be talking about herself. That love scene goes unconsummated, ending with a frustrated Harlow smashing a champagne glass against the wall as Tom carelessly walks out with his friend Matt. Cagney didn’t do romance and The Public Enemy isn’t a romantic film – nor is it really a movie about guns and bootleggers. The Public Enemy is a film about family. The script was adapted from Kubec Glasmon and John Bright’s novel Beer and Blood and that title sums up all of Tom’s world: his “beer” family of bootleggers and his “blood” family, played here by Beryl Mercer as his naïve, loving mother and Donald Cook as his conservative big brother Mike.

The relationship between brothers Tom and Mike is interesting. It is complicated and intense in the way that relationships between real-life siblings often are. Tom Powers may thumb his nose at Mike’s responsible lifestyle (“He’s too busy going to school – he’s learning how to be poor”) but the hard-core gangster, who can literally shoot a man in the back before calling his moll for a date, doesn’t defend himself when his disapproving brother gives him a sock in the jaw (and the punch was reportedly real – Cook hit Cagney so hard that Cagney cracked a tooth). In one of the film’s best scenes, Mike picks up a keg and throws it across their mother’s kitchen, angrily accusing Tom that “there’s not only beer in that keg – there’s beer and blood!” Tom replies that Mike, who has just returned home from the War and is incidentally shell shocked, is a hypocrite. “You didn’t get them medals from holding hands with them Germans,” he sneers. “You killed and you liked it!” He is projecting in the way that siblings often do – for of course it is Tom, not Mike, who “kills and likes it.”

In the early 1930s, gangster movies used real bullets but the most explosive scene in The Public Enemy doesn't involve gun fire at all – yes folks, it's time to talk about the Grapefruit. The film's most notorious moment happens as Tom sits down to breakfast with his moll Kitty, played by the lovely Mae Clarke. They have obviously just had sex and Tom is acting more than a little cold and distracted. Kitty, looking fabulous in a pair of silk lounging pajamas, asks him if he has met someone he likes better. Cagney’s sneer curls up like a fist as he picks up a half grapefruit and smashes it in Mae’s face. It is a cruel scene which still shocks today and it confirms our suspicion that Tom Powers is a sociopath.

It seems that almost every man who had a hand in making the film has their own story of how this scene came to be shot; the most commonly accepted theory is also the most condescending - the belief that the scene was improvised by Cagney and Wellman, without Clarke's knowledge or consent and that her response was thus genuine. This assumption irritates me as it is dismissive of Clarke's admirable acting talents and relegates her to little more than a prop. Well, Clarke was no prop and she sure as hell wasn't a hack either: in 1931, in addition to the Public Enemy, she delivered strong performances in three important films: Waterloo Bridge, Frankenstein and The Front Page. As for that grapefruit, I'm going to go with Mae's version of the story, both because I trust her talent and because I like her better than all those other mugs: in a 1983 interview with American Classic Screen, Mae said that the script originally called for Cagney throwing the grapefruit at her and then storming out. Wellman and Cagney however felt that this wasn’t quite working so they took Mae aside and asked if she would be okay with Cagney pushing the grapefruit in her face. Mae didn’t like the idea but agreed to do it on the condition that the scene be shot once and with no retakes. Still, according to her close friends, Mae always hated the “grapefruit scene”. Viewers today may honor her talent by watching this great actress in the powerful role for which she would undoubtedly prefer to be remembered – as chorus girl turned prostitute Myra in James Whale’s Waterloo Bridge. Mae Clarke was much more than just “the dame who gets the grapefruit facial". The most criminal thing about the Public Enemy is that she did not even receive a screen credit.

Like the grapefruit scene, the film’s ending also packs a wallop with rival gang members tossing Cagney’s mummified corpse through his mother’s living room door. It is Cook’s nuanced performance though that makes this scene truly haunting – his slow, stunned lurch towards the camera to the tune of a broken phonograph record. Will Mike avenge his brother’s death, we wonder? Or will this be the final straw that breaks him? And how will he tell Ma that her baby is finally home but not in the way that she hoped?

Like other gangster films from this period, The Public Enemy is book ended by title cards warning of the dangers of a gangster lifestyle. Audiences accepted these admonishments as broccoli to the film’s ice cream dessert. “(Gangster pictures) are intended to point out the lesson that crime does not pay,” insisted Harry Warner and you can almost see Tom Powers sneer in response. “Crime doesn’t pay, does it?” I picture him saying. “Baby, these days it’s the only thing that pays.” The popularity of films like The Public Enemy is indicative of how most Americans really felt about Prohibition. Eighty-five years later the film’s heat remains as unquenchable as a forest fire. Who needs CGI when you’ve got James Cagney?

Copyright Heather Babcock, 2018

[ais-n]

i'm not sure if you've answered this before but what are your personal feelings towards vivienne? at the beginning i hated her but towards the end i grew to appreciate her characterisation, her evolution as a character, and what can i say i'm a sucker for bitchy female characters!!

Man, I love her! She’s one of my favorite characters I’ve ever written. I know she’s super controversial and most people HAAAAAATE her, and I can completely understand why because first of all, she’s pretty much the worst mother on the planet lol And I can totally understand why people who like Boyd or want to protect him are pissed at her. There’s very good reason. Plus secondly, she doesn’t even attempt to be nice to pretty much anyone. She’s logical almost to the point of ruthlessness. There are many reasons for people to not be a fan of her, but she knows that and she still is who she is because that’s who she is. And, as I get into, that’s one of the things I like about her.

One reason I love her is probably because she’s so different from me and I find that to be fun and freeing to write. The thing I like is that she basically kicks a lot of gender stereotypes in the balls. She isn’t the soft and loving mother who constantly self-sacrifices for her kids; she’s much more interested in her career than anything. She actually didn’t even ever want kids at all. As a woman who also does not like nor want kids, I know people give you CONSTANT shit for that, like you’re only as worthy as your uterus, and frankly that pisses me off a lot. So to be able to explore those frustrations in a character who gives no shits about upsetting other people is kind of fun, since I would typically not say the things she would right to peoples’ faces lol

Also, she’s in a male-dominated profession but didn’t let anything make her compromise her personal morals. I mean, her moral scale is quite a bit different from most people lol But she’s very honorable, in a lot of ways - the problem is just that her viewpoint is so skewed from the norm that her morality doesn’t really match others, and so when she honors that morality it’s also her sometimes seeming super fucked up to others. 

One of the things I love the most about her is she really doesn’t care what other people think. I mean, she’s weird about looking presentable, as we have seen in her talking shit to Boyd when like a hair is out of place. I made the Queen Vivienne comic years ago for a reason:

((MORE BEHIND CUT BECAUSE I RAMBLED LIKE WHOA))

(You can read the rest of it/ the whole thing here if you want)

It was a joke but it was based on an exaggeration of her reality. However, despite her being so focused on that, she is otherwise completely uncaring in other directions. She doesn’t care if people think she’s a heinous bitch no matter what she says or does, because to her that’s unimportant noise. She cares about doing what is best for the long term, and what makes sense to her.

There’s a level of confidence she has that I don’t think I could ever achieve, and I appreciate having that in a female character when so often women are taught to be polite and hesitant and submissive and all these “feminine” qualities instead.

Because she is this way, what I find fascinating about writing her is that she’s actually almost too good at achieving her goals. She doesn’t bother to do any PR for herself, she just focuses on that for her job and her company. Because of that, all her life, people (other characters, I mean, not readers) don’t realize or recognize the things she does that are actually really helpful or good. (Things like her being the reason Hsin’s collar was removed and he was able to leave the Agency compound unaccompanied, and the box being destroyed, and him being given psychological help more consistently)

To her, it isn’t important. But to others, it could be relevant information.

There’s a scene in Julian Files that references this –

... 

Wait… what??? I thought I had released this chapter forever ago…. did I never? wtf I can’t find it posted online.

UGH. Ok well. hmm. That kind of fucks up me excerpting it because you need context… but the book wasn’t at that point chronologically yet so I hadn’t posted it….

UGGGGHHHHH

Maybe I’ll release it as a standalone chapter. Would you be interested? Basically, it’s a scene that shows that side of Vivienne; her doing something good but refusing to let anyone give her credit for it. She comments about her reasons for why she’s so focused on outward appearance in that scene too, I realized when I tracked down the chapter to figure out if it was online.

Anyway I threw myself off by discovering that chapter isn’t online so now I forgot the other reasons I like her. But I will say one other thing I like is that she is very good at planning and executing those plans. She is super good at being aware of what’s happening and as a result she can usually maneuver through and around difficult situations without taking direct damage. I also like that although her logical side can seem ruthless at times, it also means she is able and willing to change her mind or reevaluate things with new information. Which means she has a chance for character development at any given time.

Also, she tried to stop the cycle of abuse in the generations of her family which I appreciate, but she wasn’t very successful because too much shit went down at once and it twisted her view of everything and she grew to hate Boyd. But if you go back to her childhood, she had a good one when she was with her parents and her maternal grandmother, but when they were all taken from her at a young age, she grew up from then on with a really bitter grandmother who said and did a lot of shit that was damaging. It’s possible Vivienne would have been the same without that influence, but I don’t think so. I think she would have remained a bit softer, less guarded, and a bit more emotionally daring - because her mother, father, and maternal grandmother, were all very free-spirited, loving people. But her paternal grandmother, who ultimately raised her after she was orphaned, was pretty much the exact opposite. There’s definitely a fair amount of her coldness that came from growing up around that grandmother. And I say Vivienne at least tried to stop the cycle of abuse because although Vivienne was always very distant from Boyd and was verbally/mentally abusive at times, she didn’t physically hurt him like her grandmother did her. Vivienne’s grandma was verbally and mentally abusive, as well as physically. For example, she used to drown Vivienne in the bathtub until Viv could make it through without showing any emotion on her face. Only then would she be allowed up to gasp for air. Things like that. 

So, although from Boyd’s perspective Vivienne was a shit mother who caused him a lot of pain and who also abandoned him when he needed her most - from Vivienne’s perspective, she knew after all those years she couldn’t be a good mother, or really any sort of mother at all. She left Boyd alone because she couldn’t deal with him, but also because the small part of her that was motherly toward him wanted to give him his best chance. And she knew she would only make it worse if she was around him. She was trying to do him a favor by walking away. Whether or not that actually was a kindness remains to be seen. After all, someone shouldn’t get accolades just for not physically harming their child, since that should be a given. Especially if that person harmed that child in other ways. Her not doing worse things doesn’t make her a good person - it just means she wasn’t, generally, malicious in her ways.

In other words, some actions of Vivienne’s that seem really heartless from the outside (like walking away from your young child who recently lost his father and just wants to be loved), can actually have intentions and reasons that are much different from her perspective. They may even be really good ones. But you’d never know it, because she will never tell you. And even if you find it out, she will likely dismiss it as unimportant.

Because to her, seeking the approval of others is the stupidest waste of time. If people are going to judge you, she figures, then they aren’t worth your time anyway. Use that for better efforts instead.

I have no idea if any of this makes any sense.... I’m having one of those days where I’m suddenly exhausted and falling asleep at the keyboard so here’s to hoping so a cohesive post lol 

I guess the tl;dr to this is I totally get why people don’t like her, but maybe because I know what she’s thinking and what she’s done (both good and bad), I like her a lot.

[soprana-snap]

Popcorn Ceilings

Happy really, really, really, REEEEEALLY late Birthday Alisha! @rivendell101

This was inspired by you and B’s Natsu and Gray brotpcop! AU with private investigatorLucy! ...as well as that one fic of yours where drunk Lucy crashed in Natsu’s bathtub! 

.

.

His wet boot soles screeched on the polished tile, his shoulders tensing at the cacophonous noise. In his grip, the gun shifted, aim dropping lower by inches. “Oops-”

“Quiet, flamebrain.”  His partner, Gray Fullbuster hissed at his side, his own pistol still held up and ready. He had his jet black hair greased back, looking more like a misplaced business man than a cop but at least he had a sharp eye and a quick draw. Especially helpful when the power to the building was off, save for a few flickering emergency lights on a generator.

They were both going blind into the hornet's nest so to speak.

“I was quiet!” Natsu hissed back, readjusting his pistol as if his lack of attention never happened.

Gray's lips quirked, but Natsu knew it wasn't from amusement. “I was talking about your yapper. Every time you open your mouth, you're loud...and stinky.” he added as an afterthought, “Do you ever brush?”

What a dick.

“Do you ever hear the stupidity that comes out of your pea brain?” Natsu retorted in a whisper, pausing at a corner to cock his gun up. Gray followed suit on the other corner, the two of them mirroring the other in image and breathing. The first time they were truly silent and one unit.

3...

     2...

1...

They moved as one, twisting to point their weapons down the hall in opposite directions. Their eyes scanned and pinpointed all possible threats, index fingers poised to fire.

“Clear.” they both muttered, relaxing.

'Back up just entered the opposite side. If our guys are still dumb enough to be here after we pulled the power, we'll catch 'em.' A voice buzzed from their earpieces, stern and hardened from working the beat.

“10-4 Captain.” Gray murmured into the little radio on his shoulder, unable to hear any reply since it was muted. “We got the first floor almost clear. Proceed to the second.”

“Ass-kisser.” Natsu teased with an emotionless face, although the humor in his tone was hardly hidden.

“Shut it. We got this already bagged. They can take the rest.” Gray snapped, already moving down the right hall, careful not to let his boots squelch on the floor. Down the left hall, a single window offered a glance outside. Rain was still pouring down, keeping the outside light away.

Every so often, thunder rolled, shaking the very walls of the building. It shook Natsu down to the bones too, stirring up the thrill with every quiver.

“Steady. Two more rooms and we can stake at the stairwell.”

Gray huffed, adjusting his grip on the weapon. “Shouldn't I tell you that? You are practically bouncing.”

Of course, he was also thriving with energy, his heel twitching. Not even his partner missed it. They were both ready for action, wherever it may happen.

They sneaked closer, Natsu gesturing to the room on the left with a silent point of his index and middle finger, casting a glance of understanding when Gray tilted his head toward the right. Get in, get out, and don't get shot if there wasn't something nice on the other side.  

Natsu shivered when his back hit the wall, his uniform dry by now but everything under it not so much.

If he got sick because of this, his girlfriend would kill him.

Lucy hated getting sick, and if he brought the plague to her, he'd never hear the end of it. Much like his job, Lucy's job as a freelance journalist revolved around actually being well enough to snoop for facts and being where the action was.

Plus, she absolutely hated cough syrup and remained painfully stubborn about suffering rather than just taking it.

Shaking his head clear of thoughts about his girlfriend, he took slow, steady breaths to bring his attention back to the door...and what may lay beyond.

Across the hall, Gray held up his hand, all five fingers splayed out.

One by one, each ticked down until the second they would act.

Natsu felt the coil of his muscles before Gray got to the number one, already twisting and bringing his leg up, swinging it hard enough to strike right by the lock. Silently, he prayed the door was built to open away from him, because he'd have a hell of a time explaining to Erza why he broke his leg kicking a door that was impossible to kick down.

He felt the impact all the way to his chest, hearing the door crack as it shattered just around the lock, flying open to slam into the wall hard enough to break the drywall. Oops, he thought with a cringe. That wasn't quiet.

The room was dark, the only light from a foggy window to the left. Still, he could make out the computer chairs and lecture hall style layout, the desks hollow and easy to see under.

The room was void of anyone he wanted to arrest, sans anyone, actually. Despite that, he felt the coil if his gut trying to tell him something.

He chanced a look over his shoulder, catching sight of Gray squinting into a janitors closet before turning to scowl back at him.

“Really? You couldn't open the door like a normal person? Now the district is gonna have to pay damages. Idiot.”

“Shaddup! It was cool as hell!” Natsu snipped back, feeling the hairs on his neck prickle.

“Cool as hell, but stupid as shit.” Gray agreed with a cocky smirk, making a show of shutting the closet door before patting the functional doorknob.

Before Natsu could retort, it happened again: the hair bristle.

His face must have shown some form of awareness, for Gray's amused grin faded to a serious glower, his eyes darkening to polished coal.

Wordlessly, they crept into the room, holstering their guns for a more close combat setup. Should there be violence, Natsu preferred to grasp it with his hands. Gray followed suit, his breathing quieting, just like a hunter would before making a shot at the prey.

All was quiet.

Crrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeaak

Both cops stiffened, casting each other wary glances.

“That...wasn't you farting, was it?” Gray whispered.

Natsu, for once not laughing at the word 'fart', shook his head.

They listened so intently that their ears might have well as grown three sizes, eyes narrow as they simultaneously fished for flashlights.

With two clicks, both flashlights lit up the room, leaving no shadow safe for long.

“There's nobody-” Gray breathed, resisting the urge to flash Natsu's eyes with his light.

Grrrrrrruuuughhhhh

It was a spine tingling sound, like nails on a chalkboard or a fork on a ceramic plate. It nearly paralyzed them both with how real and how close it came.

From above. That was when they heard a muffled, but very real voice hiss, “Oh crap.”

Natsu took a cautious sidle back, Gray mimicking as they both gazed up as if in a sci-fi film about aliens. The drop ceiling looked simple, the mineral popcorn tiles as plain as they would be in a first grade classroom.

What was odd was the festering bulge right in the center of four ceiling lights, the tiles and the bars that supported them buckling.

It took the pair about two second to realize what that meant in regards to the investigation.

“Incoming.” Natsu said, stepping even farther away just as the ceiling lost the battle with gravity, tiles and bars crashing down to the floor, knocking over computer monitors.

A body never hit the floor.

The flashlights were great, but even they could not stand up to the cloud of dust that plumes through the air, bits of mangles tile still raining down every second or so. Natsu assumed it was dust, although asbestos wasn't too far out of the ballpark. He covered his nose and mouth with his collar flap just to be safe.

The smoggy cloud dissipated slowly, revealing a picture that both cops never expected to witness with their own eyes.

A woman hanging upside down, tangled in wires, and flashing them her panties.

A woman, frantically trying to push down her skirt despite having one leg strung up like a snared animal's, her blonde hair clotted with black soot and other miscellaneous debris.

A woman, much to Gray's sudden amusement and Natsu's shock, that was Lucy Heartfilia in all her glory.

Her pupils shriveled as Gray's light shone true, her nose wrinkling as the hand that wasn't currently trying to spare her dignity shielded her brow. “Lucy?” Gray chuckled, more out of disbelief than anything else.

Her eyes flashed, her petrified expression changing like the wind. “Gray! Nice to see you!” she chirped, as if getting caught dangling out of a ceiling at a crime scene was as casual as Sunday brunch, “How's Juvia?”

The cable that tangled her twisted, in turn twisting her body to circulate and lose sight of Gray, now turning to face Natsu: who had more than enough time to gather his senses at the sudden arrival.

Her cheery face dropped like a stone, a wary smile now in place. “Hey babe~” she breathed, nervously fiddling with the hem of her shirt, the skirt now dropping and revealing pink Hello Kitty panties. Natsu tried not to focus on them too much.

He licked his lips. “No 'Hey Natsu! Nice to see you!' for me?” His tone was borderline bitter.

Lucy flinched, her cheek pinking. “Well...you're going to yell at me.”

He frowned deeper, crossing his arms and raising a brow. “Pray tell, why do you think I'd yell at you?”

Her answer was lost as her body continued to slowly spiral, her eyes now bringing Gray into sight.

“Juvia's good. She loved the cookie recipe you sent to her on Pinterest.”

Lucy sighed. “Good, I was afraid she missed it. She has to make it for Erza's party. I think it will be a great-”

“Oi, pay attention to me!” Natsu's voice squawked.

The woman's face shuttered with dread. “Hold that thought Gray, I have someone on hold.” she said as her body still rotated, bringing her to face her boyfriend again.

“You're gonna be mad that I hid in a ceiling-”

“A ceiling of a building probably filled with criminals? Maybe.” he said with a frown.

Lucy shot him a scathing glare, the force losing value due to the fact that she still was upside down, her hair that was loose hanging like branches of a willow tree.

“Okay, maybe after some perspective this wasn't a good idea, but I needed this story Natsu! The news site is thinking about making me a permanent journalist, so there has to be a good hook!” She didn't get to add on as her orbit brought her twisting back around.

“He's got a point, you know. This is by far the dumbest thing you've done.” Gray quipped when they made eye contact.

“Shut up, Gray.” she hissed, folding her arms and waiting to face the other irate cop.

When Natsu came back into view, Lucy put a pout upon her face. “You know I can't resist writing the perfect article.” she whined.

Natsu scowled deeper. “No. Don't use that face on me. It won't work.”

Lucy flinched, but then pouted harder, her lip quivering. “Natsu~”

Her boyfriend shook his head. “Nope.”

She was turning again, the cable starting to hurt as it tightened, her toes going numb. As a small mercy, Natsu reached out and stopped her orbit, keeping her facing him as he said, “You know how I feel about you investigating crime scenes...when a crime is happening. We've talked about this. Remember the bank robbery?”

Lucy blinked, shrugging. “You mean the robber that somehow knocked out the guards but then proceeded to try and rob the bank with a banana? Sorry, I happened to be at the bank to make a deposit. That one doesn't count.”

“How about the time that lady beat up the other parents of her son's little league team?”

“I did everyone a service by arriving on the scene and taking evidence!”

Natsu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You're so much trouble.”

Lucy grinned at that. “Oh, am I?” she purred, giving him a sultry look. “You going to punish me?”

Gray gagged. “Okay, maybe we should get back on topic. Why are you in the ceiling?”

The blonde shrugged as best she could, white spots dancing across her vision. “Climbed in from the air duct and found some guys in here. So I hung around and snooped once they left, making sure they didn't see me...and then climbed back into the air ducts and waited for the coast to be clear. But, then you guys showed up and-” she trailed off.

“So we just missed these guys.” Natsu muttered.

Lucy fidgeted with a whimper, drawing all attention back to her as she whined, “Can you guys...get me down please?”

“Oh! Right.” Gray lurched, his hands hovering over her hips, waist, and then bare legs. “Uh-” he groaned, flashing Natsu a hesitant glance.

Natsu frowned, slapping Gray's hands away and set to untangling his girlfriend from the cables. He worked silently, even if there was a hint of a smirk on his lips when her skin formed goosebumps under his touch. Every so often, he'd brush his knuckles along her skin, just to flash her a smug glance when she gasped.

“Guys, I'm still right here.” Gray said, kneeling down and holding out his arms to catch Lucy before she fell headfirst onto the floor.

And she did about a half second later, her head cradled in his hands as the rest of her body began to fall...only to have Natsu catch her by the ankles and gently bring her down.

“Okay, now hand it over.” Natsu ordered once she had blinked away all the spots in her vision, her eyes dazed by the flashlights.

Lucy blinked again, brows furrowing. “What?”

The man held out his palm, curling his index finger every few seconds. “The evidence. I know you found some.”

Gray's jaw slackened, his eyes darting to stare at the stubborn blonde as she turned up her nose. “And what makes you think I found anything?” Her tone was haughty, her lips in a tight little frown. If Gray didn't already have Juvia and didn't know Lucy as personally as he did, he might have thought it a cute display.

But, he knew better-knew her better-and knew she was definitely hiding something.

Natsu, however, voiced it better than he ever could. “Because I know you, Lucy Heartfilia, and I know that you will indeed put yourself in dangerous situations for proof and sources. So, hand it over.”

The pair had a staring match for five seconds, static energy practically sparking to life between their eyes before Lucy sighed and reached into her cleavage. Both men nearly flushed scarlet as she dug in, having enough sense to avert their eyes while she pulled out a small, silver flash drive.

Natsu snatched it, pocketing it over his left bicep. “Alright. Now that's over, Lucy Heartfilia, you're under arrest.” He said, fishing out his pair of handcuffs and quickly making sure he had both of her wrists contained behind her back before she could react.

“What?! Natsu!” She screeched loud enough to make them all cringe. “Are you really arresting me?!”

Gray even rose a brow at him, not expecting his partner's cunning gleam as he helped his girlfriend up.

“Aye. You are trespassing on a known crime scene. It won't stick, so you'll be home by dinner.” Natsu said, a little smile curling his lips.

Lucy had none of it. She scowled and stuck out her tongue. “You're an ass and you sleep on the couch tonight.”

Gray stepped back as Natsu whined, taking in the couple with a huff. Of course, Lucy's warning fell on deaf ears.

“Aw, Lucy, don't be like that. It's all in the name of justice-”

“Justice isn't gonna save you from me, you jerk. Who arrests their girlfriend?!” Oh, she was huffing and puffing, her eyes stony as she glared at the back of her boyfriend's head. If looks could kill, Natsu would be feeling the grip of death on his shoulders.

Gray sighed, watching as Lucy and Natsu bickered back and forth like an old married couple, both too stubborn and probably sexually frustrated. After all, most of the guys did wonder about getting their girls...or guys into cuffs.

Unfortunately for Natsu, Gray thought as his partner escorted a still raging Lucy out of the office, he got it all wrong and would indeed be sleeping on the couch: not next to a dynamite blonde and a pair of well used handcuffs.