#i put hella effort into this one y'all

[feral--opossum]

Stobotnik week day 6: Anime

More Soul Eater but this time it's a redraw of the really sus Stein and Spirit smoking scene 💅

[svtdarlingbby]

Seventeen with a gym rat s/o

Svt x gym rat s/o. aka with an s/o who loves the gym as much as these buff babes. also low-key an excuse to post seventeen gym selcas 🫣💪

Seungcheol:

I think Cheol said somewhere that he prefers playing sports vs going to the gym

valid

but since he's with you and wants to spend more time with you he finds himself at the gym

he's pretty impressed by all your knowledge of various workout machines

wanted to impress you though so he suggested lifting weights

he's surprisingly able to lift a lot

but not as effortlessly at you

you found yourself gently correcting his form so he won't get hurt

tbh it was so endearing for Cheol

you babying him was so sweet

after weights you guys decided to have a friendly competition on the stair master

Cheol thought it would be easy, I mean it's just climbing stairs right?

WRONG

he was huffing and puffing meanwhile you were still climbing the infinite stairs effortlessly

it was at that point he considered you a fitness god and told himself that he'd always go to the gym with you

the next day he was soooo sore lol he couldn't get out of bed rip

you couldn't help but laugh

still tho you were nice and rewarded his efforts with some cuddles

Jeonghan:

Jeonghan finds himself going to the gym occasionally but the gym def isn't a huge priority in his life

however since dating you he noticed how much you love going to the gym

so he figured he might as well try it out too

but omg

he's trying sooooo hard to focus on lifting AND THEN THERES YOU

looking hella hot in your gym clothes lifting weights effortlessly

is totally checking you out

and you def notice

"JEONGHAN! NO SLACKING YOU CAN LOOK AT ME ALL YOU WANT LATER BUT FOCUS ON LIFTING!"

ah right-

but he low-key uses this as an excuse to get your attention

"Y/N? is my form right?" he says as he purposely holds the weights weirdly

"Nope, you've gotta hold it like this" you say as you adjust his grasp and form

lol this menace found the perfect way to get you close to him

of course he still actually listens to you and works out

but occasionally he'll try to purposely mess up his form to get you to help if he's extra needy

doesn't care if he's sore the next day

will use this as an excuse to cuddle with you

until you use your muscles to break free of his grasp and haul his ass out of bed

this reminds him that maybe he should continue going to the gym

one day he'll have enough muscles to cuddle you all day

Joshua:

I feel like Joshua goes to the gym more often then he makes it out to be

have you seen this guy's veiny arms??

he's gotta be lifting

he's super happy about having an s/o who also prioritizes the gym

arm day with you is always his fave

just seeing your strong muscles and physique lift the heavy weights just make his heart go crazy

like ughhh mommy/daddy

so he also wants to return the favor by impressing you

puts a lot of effort into lifting, making sure his form is just right

tbh you really do serve as motivation for him

he's been getting buffer since he started dating you

he has the cutest shyest smile when you compliment him

"Wow Josh, you've got arms of steel" you say as you squeeze his bicep

if he could he would melt right there

it means a lot coming from you since you're an expert with all things fitness

def reciprocates too

like you guys would just be chilling and he'd squeeze your arm

"Damn Y/N, you're armed and dangerous"

oh lord he's such a cheeseball

Jun:

y'all did you see limbo? 👀

it's so obvious Jun has worked hard for that body

and it was so convenient that you came into his life at that point

just as he was incorporating the gym more into his routine is when you and him began to date

tbh it was so convenient and Jun really appreciates having you around

Jun doesn't know if his form is correct? don't worry he's got you to fix it

Jun needs someone to spot him when he's bench pressing? you're already there by his side

Jun is experiencing a plateau? you've already got suggestions of different new exercises to try

basically it's because of you and your support he's even more motivated to go to the gym!

also my man Jun also appreciates the view if you know what I'm saying

having you by his side makes him feel even more stronger and powerful

like "yes my s/o is a fitness buff and is helping ME while looking like a snack"

these are just his thoughts tho

in reality he's just snaking his toned arms around your just as toned form, smiling to himself

Hoshi:

ohhh you know he's gonna make you his gym buddy

I meannnnnn have you seen this mans body???

boi loves to workout

will always spot you during arm day

is your biggest cheerleader when you move up in weights!!

"OMG Y/N YOU LIFTED THAT MUCH???!! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!"

will literally hug you all sweaty in the middle of the gym lol its a little embarrassing but sooo endearing

also

the fact that you love to work out? you're prob building quite the muscles

Soonyoung isn't shy when it comes to wanting to feel your toned arms

"Whoaaaa since when did you become so buff?" he says infatuated with your arms lol

of course you feel flustered cuz this man does this even in public!!

but low-key his reactions are your motivation to keep up your progress

also he lovesss to take gym selfies

you think his gym selfies are hot? they get even better with you right next to him flexing your hard work

he feels so luckyy

overall he loves that he gets to work out at the gym with a hottie like you

Wonwoo:

I feel like Wonwoo is a subtle guy when it comes to the gym

like yeah it's so obvious he goes to the gym but the gym isn't a huge facet of his life

when he realizes that its quite the opposite for you, he sees this as an opportunity to make more of an effort to make the gym routine

tbh he's amazed at how locked in you are with a routine at the gym

so for the first few days he kinda just copies you lol

he does the same exercises and kinda lets you be

its comfortable silence really

you guys both have your earbuds in doing your own thing while being near each other

of course he'll steal a few glances at you

but he always says its to match your form lolll sure

in private though he's always teasing you in a good way about your muscles

like he'll just randomly approach you, squeeze your muscular bicep, and say something like "close the gyms" in a really deadpan voice

it's soooo cheesy lmaooo but that line never fails to make you feel flustered hehe

Woozi:

have you seen Jihoon lately?

this mans getting b u f f

and having an s/o who's a gym rat like him?

goals

whenever you're getting ready to go to the gym Jihoon always wants to tag along

"Don't you have to produce a song tonight?"

"Nah I can squeeze in a gym session"

he's mainly going because you're going lol

he's def impressed with how fit you are, knowing all the machines and having effortless form

he's like damn I wanna be like that too

ALWAYS brags about this fact to the boys when he works out with them

"What kinda machine is that?" asked one of the guys

"That's a hip abductor, Y/N is a master of that"

also whenever you two are at the gym together

he feels so much more motivated

will def wanna do exercises that involve the both of you

is always down to hold down your feet during sit ups

cardio day you guys are on treadmills side by side

Jihoon won't admit this but when you guys are taking it easy a walking on the treadmills he treats it as if you guys were on a peaceful stroll together

he also won't admit he turns into a blushing puddle whenever you notice his progress

"Dang Jihoon, you're looking buff today" you say as you squeeze his toned biceps

that's it. brb Jihoon is gonna go to the gym to keep up the progress

DK:

I know this man is gonna be obsessed with the fact that you love the gym

he def will use the gym as an opportunity to spend time with you

while also getting buff himself

Seokmin is a total goofball

I can see him asking you for "motivation" during pushups

aka him asking you to lie under him for a kiss for each successful push up

like just look at him in that pic god damn

I meannnn lets just say you both benefited from that

he's also your biggest cheerleader

like when you're lifting weights omg he got the whole gym staring at you with his cheering

"YEAHHHH YOU GOT THIS Y/N!!! WHO'S THE STRONGEST BABE HERE? YOU!!!"

"ohmygodseokminpls"

after you lift the weights he's still gonna be a goofball about it

"now lift me pls" he says holding out his arms to you

you can only roll your eyes but lift him up nonetheless

he's giggling like an idiot and you can only roll your eyes

low-key motivates you to get stronger and vice versa

he wants to pick you up too hehe

he really does make gym sessions so much more enjoyable aww

Mingyu:

man Mingyu really does work out for that hot bod of his

while he love to play sports he also finds himself working out often too

when you came into his life though he thought having you around would motivate him more to go to the gym

because you were already sporting quite the hot body yourself

while you were typically very focused at the gym, once Mingyu came along that changed

of course you always thought Mingyu was hot, but when he's working out

oh my

you feel your face somehow get even hotter despite being all sweaty from working out when you see Mingyu doing all this

WHY IS HE CAKED UP LMAOOOO

while you're over here flustered over him Mingyu gets kinda cocky lol

like when he's spotting you while you're lifting

"Whoa there Y/N, I know I'm making your heart race but you gotta take it easy" he says as he fixes your form

mannn does he make working out hard

or when you're stretching he'll purposely flaunt stretch his arms while you glare as you're trying to hold your stretch

he'll also flex and try to lift the heaviest weights ever to get your attention

thankfully his antics catch up to him as he's superrr sore the next day

but he'd happily use this as a reason for you to take the lead if you know what I mean ;)

Minghao:

Minghao has become quite the fitness buff within the past few years

I mean look at those guns!!

I remember Minghao once said that it is super hard for him to gain muscle and look at him now ughhh

and seeing you succeed with your fitness goals makes Minghao even more proud

going to the gym is like breathing for you guys

you two always go to the gym together

and since you're with Minghao, every occasion has to be a fashion statement

you two are always wearing the coolest, trendiest, gym clothes that still manage to be uniquely your styles

it makes Minghao's heart flutter every time he seeing you wearing the gym shoes he bought you

especially when you're wearing one of his old gym shirts omg this man can barely even focus on working out LMAO and he's like the biggest gym rat out of all these dudes

gym selfies are a priority

his fav ones being the ones where both of you are goofily flexing your muscles

he's always so impressed by how much you can lift too

is soooooo flustered when you lift him up in the middle of the gym

but he secretly loves it so much awww like on the inside he's giggling and kicking his feet in the air haha

but as unserious as you guys act

once it comes to working out, you guys are fitness gods

you two are so focused when you're in the zone lifting or running on the treadmill

it's impressive really

and Minghao is so thankful that you're here to make the gym more fun

Seungkwan:

Seungkwan has found himself going to the gym more often since you came into his life

you would think it's because he wants to live a healthy lifestyle

no

it's because you two are so damn competitive

ever since you told him how many minutes it took for you to run a mile on the elliptical Boo was impressed but decided to challenge you

"Oh yeah? That's pretty impressive, but I can easily do that in less time"

"Oh really?"

"Bet"

so you guys go to the gym

and for you the elliptical is nothing

you look over and see Seungkwan starting to break a sweat in the first five minutes

"Getting tired Boo?"

"Stay in your lane"

god he was so sassy lol

but beating each other in a friendly competition was how you two rolled

of course you ended up winning while Seungkwan was a huffing puffing mess, all red

"Ok I admit it Y/N, you are a fitness god"

that compliment fueled your ego lol but you weren't mean about it

"Here's the prize for second place" you said before you kissed him

"Maybe losing isn't so bad after all" he laughed and hugged you, not minding either of you being sweaty

"Haha loser, let's play some badminton?" you ask

"Always! Now we'll see whose the loser" he smirks

Vernon:

okay first of all why is he wearing denim on denim TO THE GYM??

ANYWAYS kinda like Jeonghan I don't see Vernon prioritizing the gym all that much

but once he starts dating you, he notices that the gym ends up taking a lot of your time

so he's like "heck why not go with Y/N to the gym?"

is ill prepared as you can see in the pic

"Hansol. WHY are you not in your gym clothes?"

"Hm? Oh. Right. Let me snap a pic of my fit before I change"

*facepalm*

once he's changed he's ready to go!

feels kinda lost tho with all the machines

you're about to start lifting when you see Vernon looking confused as he's trying to distinguish a dumbbell from a kettlebell

you think its kinda cute watching his eyes go back and forth between the different types of weights

but you also don't wanna patronize him or anything

"Hansol, why don't you start with a dumbbell?" you say handing an appropriately weighted dumbbell to him

at this point you kind of become like his personal trainer

at first he was just watching you to see what you did with your dumbbell and tried to do the same

once you began to guide him you could tell he was a lot more secure

and he really did look like he was enjoying the workout!

tbh the gym really strengthens your bond this way

Dino:

our boy Lee Chan is obsessed with the gym

I mean look at that body ughhhh 😮‍💨

so when he starts dating you the gym becomes practically your second homes

he's hella impressed with your strength for sure

"Whoa Y/N, how are you able to lift that much?"

he's also kinda cheeky when it comes to stealing glances at you working out

it's leg day and you're doing squats? 👀

he's super subtle about it tho cause he actually takes the gym seriously *ahem Jeonghan*

he also def tries to show off for you

when he's doing arm curls he'll def put extra effort in flexing his biceps when he sees you watching

will also act like the heaviest weights are nothing for him

pays for his cockiness the next day in the form of soreness

this becomes the perfect opportunity for you to cuddle with his muscular self

maybe the gym can wait a few more minutes hehe

[eywamygoddesswrites]

— 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓬𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓸𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓭 — (multiple x fem!reader) | 1

pairing: avatar men x fem!human!reader

tags: just men taking care of the reader during her period, can be seen as platonic/romantic

warnings: like one pussy joke and that's about it HAHAHAHAHA

a/n: neteyam, lo'ak, ao'nung, and rotxo are aged up! this is for the men characters since i don't want it to be too long. the ladies of avatar will have their own post because let's all be honest, we love women. also i made this 'cause it's currently shark week and everything hurts ;-;

also sorry for the lack of any new fics. i'm hella hella busy with school and i have duties next week (just 3 days) but i will be in the hospital with no data sooooo yeah :cc and the rest are regular f2f classes. i hope y'all understand.

also, happy one month everyone!! i've been posting for one month now and i hope we continue this flowery road together 💙 anywhos, i hope you guys enjoy!

word count: 1.3k

jake sully

this man was a human in his previous life, he knows what the fuck he was doing

when you got your period in the middle of work, jake (with his strong avatar senses) caught a scent of you

he asked norm where they keep women's pads and norm pointed to where they were

he got some pads and getting a few more stuff that you liked

some chocolate bar, a venti cup of coffee/juice/tea, and a heating pad

you were surprised when he stood beside you with said stuff in his hands

then you finally got the idea

oooooooohhhhh… is it that time already?

yes, baby girl. but don’t worry, i’ll help you

he goes with you until you reach the lady's comfort room

he gives you the pads and tells you to holler for him if you need anything else

waits for you while you do your thing

younger!jake would rock back and forth on his feet and bite off the skin of his lips (a habit i canon him of having) while he waited by the door

older!jake would go to get the stuff he forgot if he forgets and comes back before you knew he even left

once you were done, he suggests you take a rest now before the cramps start

you told norm this and being the great friend he was, he lets you go rest

jake would be there for you like your personal cocoon

he would massage you abdomen, lower back, head, or wherever you felt pain in

would get you whatever that is you need

just honestly the best in the bunch since he knew what human women go through

neteyam sully

you yo daddy’s son !!!11!1!!

but for real, he’s like a mini jake with neytiri’s face and her nurturing aura

he learned how to care for human girls because of his dad

literally cried when you first got your period since he thought you were dying

but jake reassures him it’s a normal thing human girls go through (since na’vi girls and women don’t go through this | i agree with the fanon that na’vi women don’t get periods)

would learn basic human anatomy just so he understands what was happening during your periods

kinda scared because of the side effects of periods

would do anything and everything just for you to be comfortable during your monthly bleeds

since na’vi bodies were a lot warmer, he uses his hands as heating pads to put over your abdomen

would purr when you’re on his chest as he massages your lower back

sings his songcord to you to lull you to sleep

kisses are a must with this man

would litter you with kisses to make you smile and feel better

he just loves you :ccc

lo’ak sully

obviously, like neteyam, he knows that human girls get their period

he’s similar to neteyam but a bit different in his approach to periods

he didn’t really know what he was supposed to do at first

like, should he massage you or should he not because it might worsen your pain

do you like chips or chocolate more?

what pussy size you got because there are so many pad sizes—

tAMPONS ARE A THING WHAT—

lowkey scared of that thing and why tf does it go in?!>!?!

still, his effort counts really

it’s the thought that counts

he still helps you around (even with the smallest thing like grabbing a cup of water)

would follow your commands especially when the pain is unbearable and you need assistance

he would stay with you in your room even when you sleep just in case you wake up and need help (even if you told him it’s okay to go home and rest. he insists on staying)

would go to norm and ask for extra gas air when he runs out of it

would bring you some pandora fruits because weirdly, you crave them more than the regular food you eat

would treat you greatly 1000/10

tonowari

like his son, he didn’t know what periods are so he asks his friend jake about it

upon learning what they were, he immediately goes into his ‘teddy bear’ mode

he would be cuddly as fuck

like  c u d d l y  cuddly

a cuddle bug for sure

he would always bring you fresh food to eat

would help around your home despite being a busy man himself

would treat you as if you were a porcelain doll

would weave you a reusable period underwear (with the help of ronal) so you can just clean them and reuse them

would do your laundry and wouldn’t be bothered by the blood stains at all

when you need him (especially when you’re a lot emotional), he would stay with you until you feel better

doesn’t matter if you fell asleep. he will do his duties once you wake up and say that you’re feeling better

only then he would be comfortable enough to leave to tend to his duties

would ask tsireya and ronal to look after you especially when he’s a lot busier and can’t go to you physically

overall like my man jake but a lot more domestic

would recommend to everyone

ao’nung

he didn’t understand what a period is and why you got them because he didn’t care at first

you’re a sky person, the cause of distruction

but you were different (or whatever jake sully and his kids say)

but the more time he spent with you, he must at least learn what you go through, being your period

it was weird that you had to go through this every month until you become old

like, his mom and sister never got these so why were your kind cursed with them?

would ask jake or his kids what he can do to help you out

you stayed in a makeshift house with regular oxygen so you can eat without having the stupid mask on

ao’nung literally didn’t like the mask he has to breathe pandora air in but after one time that he didn’t use them, he didn’t like the feeling so he uses them religiously when he’s with you

he would bring you gifts and meals he caught so you don’t feel too isolated when you don’t leave your home

would ask you constantly what you were feeling and if you feel uncomfortable at every moment of the day

are you okay? does you abdomen hur—

i’m fine ao’nung!!

would still ask for confirmation if you’re really really okay

would carry you every time you leave your house (even if you went out to walk and stretch your legs)

shy with physical affection (hugs, kisses) so the most he can do is carry you

call it his love language in a way

rotxo

he was absolutely lost when he sees you bleeding. like neteyam, he thought you were dying

he thought he would never see you again

but when you explained that human women bleeding was normal, he was like:

dude, that must suck so bad

it does, rotxo, it does

but still, he wants to help you out the best way he can

like the other metkayina men here, he would bring you food to eat and bring little trinkets to make you feel better

since metkayina bodies were a lot cooler than omatikaya bodies but still warmer than human bodies, he does his best to warm you up

he stays with you as much as he can just so he can help you

craving for a certain fruit? he’ll get it for you

need a soothing cream from ronal? he will get it for you

you feel tired? he can go into your home, use the stupid-looking gas mask to breathe and stay with you longer, and keep you company

he’s just a sweetheart man give him compliments pls

taglist: @nyotamalfoy @hanhanartz @murderousmushroom @myvath @iwaslikeblah

— part 2 with the avatar ladies here

[loudmouthedllama]

Sup! I love the aesthetic of your blog, I just wanted to pop by and say that I left the rpc a long time ago back in 2022 and I never looked back knowing just how fucking bad it is and focus my time on my art blog that is personal and none of those old mutuals know about. I just grown so damn tired of the foolishness of so-called adults with highschool mindset and it has greatly affected my mental health man :/ at least I'm feeling a lot better.

I had to set my tea on my other side for this one, this hurts my soul frankly. Rp/Rpcs are supposed to be great revenues for original work/escaping mental health... Today rpcs just attack and make things so much worse than actually helping... It hurts when RPCS are doing the opposite of what they were once intended for. It's utterly disgusting and ridiculous how this mindset has taken over.

This hurts my soul, these lovely roleplyers are DYING, losing their muse after legitimate YEARS of waiting, and hoping for just one person to like their stuff. So many wonderful potential plots/worlds/stories related to these fandoms that just... Fizzle out over time. All because they DEMAND they put forth no effort, simply for writing as a published oc.

And yes, I know there is the 1% of published oc (Canon) writers that DO honestly love unpublished ocs. But, they ain't doing much to help either. They ain't speaking up like this, they ain't putting a foot forward to get more unpublished ocs on their blogs... They ain't doing jack, cept saying they sorry for the 'hard times'.

I ain't gonna come at them as agro, but damn...

Actions speak hella louder than just words... Don't just say you support them, fucking actually SUPPORT them, otherwise y'all fucked. Like if yas honestly like the headcanon, or ooc post of an unpublished oc writer...

FUCKING HEART THAT SHIT, COMMENT ANYTHING. JESUS LLAMA CHRIST, HOW THE FUCK THEY GONNA KNOW TO INTERACT WITH YA IF YA DON'T GIVE THEM A SIGNAL YOU WANT IT??? FUCKING HELL A LLAMA HAS TO SPOUT THIS SHIT...

A LLAMA

LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SO SCARED OF? THE BACKLASH OF THE CLIQUES? ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE ANON HATE TO COME FLOODING IN?

SURPRISE, THEY JUST WORDS COMING ROM ACTUAL LIVING SHIT WHO THINKS IT'S GOD.

HOW DO THEY KNOW YOU IN REAL LIFE? WHAT HONEST-TO-GOD EFFECT COULD THOSE PEOPLE REALLY HAVE?

Is psychological.

THEY ARE USING PHSYC WARFARE AND IT'S FUCKING GROSS.

Yes, yes SOME of you are taking a stand and TRYING your best. BUT BRUHS, AND HEAR A LLAMA OUT, THIS ISN'T ENOUGH PEOPLE.

I lied I am going that agro on 'em they are just as at fault as the cliques.

These fuckwads are getting away with gaslighting and saying there's no issue because NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE are speaking up. Change starts like this.

Unpublished oc writers really out here fighting the fight alone until there's nothing left. I take every muse's death personally, so this stings that you had to leave. I'm truly sorry for their crap, these fandoms deserve a cleansing.

We need to talk about this people, otherwise, roleplay will die. For good.

[ghost-proofbaby]

Can I ask why you're taking so long with your celebration requests? Not meaning to be rude it's just been a while IDK

valid question! something i ask myself every day haha

truth is i'm just not setting limits on requests and writing whatever was sparked inspiration wise by the requests. which is fine and dandy when you've only got a few requests! but when you've got 20+ requests, and each one is turning out 5k+ words... it just takes a while. (which i did entirely to myself! in all fairness! no one to blame but me and my tendency to be wordy lol <3)

my hope is even though i'm taking my time fulfilling these requests that it'll be worth it to y'all who sent something in, because you're getting really fleshed out stories i'm trying to put hella effort into <3 so i do apologize for how long it's taking but! please just know if you sent something in, you'll probably be getting a 5k+ one shot out of it rather than quick one offs. idk if that makes it better? it might not. i don't know

[queerstudiesnatural]

I have a bestfriend, who like me is hella fruity yet somehow I, as a girl, ended up liking him. I confessed, at first he told me he's confused but he sees potential here so he'll break off his situationships to explore with me but then his friend talked some sense into him n told him to not get into anything if he doesn't feel the same way, which he admitted he doesn't. We had a two hour conversation after that still in which we talked about our feelings and how much we matter to each other (lot of dark humor about the situation to cope) now he's weirdly being active msging me n sending me snaps. One of the most recent msg is a reel with the caption "are y'all even best friends if ppl don't assume you together" like???? How am I supposed to react to that??? I see him everyday at uni what do I do?? I feel like he's ppl pleasing again n therefore putting in an effort which is cool but I wanna move on. I can't keep hanging out with him I think. But then he is my best friend. (I didn't mean to unload I just needed to unwind n tell someone whom I don't know my situation just for the sake of it)

oof bestie that sounds rough. weirdly enough i had a friend who was in pretty much the same situation a while back.

i'm really not an expert so i don't wanna give you bad advice here, but i kinda see three options here :

you could tell him you need some space and cut ties with him for a while until you've moved on. but the danger there is that your friendship will suffer from being apart for an extended period of time.

or you could tell him to cool off on the dating jokes but still hang out with him, just try to work on your feelings and get back into a friendlier zone

OR, and this is the option that makes the more sense to me as an aroace person, you could decide to leave things as they are, because really romantic love and friendship are pretty similar, and he can just be your friend that you love very very much. and what's the difference between being best friends and dating, if you really think about it? sure there's the physical aspect of the relationship (again as an aroace person i tend to brush over that oops) which if you're into that can maybe get frustrating. but you can be friends who hug and maybe even kiss sometimes. i know lots of besties who kiss their besties. i kiss my besties. acts of love like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, etc, are just what we make of them. they're just things we do when we love someone and wanna be close to them. we decide what kind of social meaning we apply to them. so idk, maybe you can just decide that you love him. and he loves you. and maybe your respective feelings are a bit different, but different doesn't mean less than. you both love each other very much, and you don't have to be dating for that to be true. and maybe it's worth having a conversation about what boundaries you put on your physical expressions of love. but other than that i think maybe there's no reason why things have to change, if you both like each other's company. you might just have to look at your feelings from a different angle. the "love is love and what matters is i have someone to love" angle.

idk if that makes any sense. i'm not very good at comforting people, my #1 instinct is always to try and find a solution. idk if we found a solution here, because ultimately it's up to you to look at your situation and your feelings and decide which decision (leaving, staying but with some distance, or keeping things as they are) seems least painful and most doable to you.

i do hope that talking about it at least helped you a little bit. i wish you all the best, and i'd love to get an update if you feel like sharing.

sending you all the love ❤️

[castielsupernatural]

Soooo idk what to do so just gonna infodump cuz I'm sed and everyone in my life is impartial in this so here goes:

I have a bestfriend, who like me is hella fruity yet somehow I, as a girl, ended up liking him. I confessed, at first he told me he's confused but he sees potential here so he'll break off his situationships to explore with me but then his friend talked some sense into him n told him to not get into anything if he doesn't feel the same way, which he admitted he doesn't. We had a two hour conversation after that still in which we talked about our feelings and how much we matter to each other (lot of dark humor about the situation to cope) now he's weirdly being active msging me n sending me snaps. One of the most recent msg is a reel with the caption "are y'all even best friends if ppl don't assume you together" like???? How am I supposed to react to that??? I see him everyday at uni what do I do?? I feel like he's ppl pleasing again n therefore putting in an effort which is cool but I wanna move on. I can't keep hanging out with him I think. But then he is my best friend.

hey anon this is brutal and i'm so sorry you came to a tumblr user who needs at least 3 years of therapy before she's allowed to even think about romantic relationships so i can't help that much. but mr man sounds like a human mess so now you've gotta decide how you feel about composting

[starcrossedjedis]

I don't think it is exactly people like you and chickensarecheap and others have a secure fanbase and supporters. It's not right y'all are popular and have a lot of notes. I work hard on my fanfiction and I receive very little response to show for it. Nobody reviews except maybe one or two and they're just loser types or randoms. I see you all just getting celebrated for maybe not so much effort compared to myself. Also, Esme can do better and so can Elyana. I'd so better

So this been sitting in my inbox for a little bit. Mostly because I am not a sad "loser type" and had something much better to do with my weekend than sit around and wonder what strangers on the internet think about me.

But since it seemed like you really needed to get this off your chest (again 🤗) let me see if I can leave you with some helpful pointers (again 😘)

envy is a very nasty character trait and if that is just a little sneak peek into your overall personality, then I'm not shocked at all that people don't want to interact with you or your stuff. Throwing tantrums because you feel like others have what should be rightfully yours? Not a good look, babes.

referring to the people who take the time out of their day to show love and appreciation for the stuff you put out as "loser types" and "randoms" tells me one thing and that is that you shouldn't even have those few people. And again, it says loads about your character and probably also about why your stuff lacks traction. You clearly only care about notes - about empty numbers that have no bearing on your life or the world. I know that I probably get quite a few notes, especially given the niche nature of the OC community, but I never - never ever - check how many notes I have on stuff, I couldn't tell you the notes on any of my posts. But I do remember most of the exited rants people put in the tags when they reblog my stuff or the replies they give. Because there's joy in touching people with what you create. And if that doesn’t resonate with you, I feel sorry for you tbh.

I have to admit that I am mightily vexed by the insinuation that my stuff gets "all this attention and support when I don't even put a lot of work into my stuff (compared to you)." First of all, you don't even know how much time I spent on the things I make (or how much free time I have to spend on these things to begin with), so how do you know you work harder on your stuff than I do? And second of all, my stuff is good. I've had years of practice and I'd be hella pissed if it was not. And I will not pretend like I don't know it is good, because I did put the work and practice in and I get to be proud and in love with the things I share with the world. This love for my own ideas is the reason I create to begin with. And again, if you don't understand that feeling, I feel sorry for you.

Elyana is doing just fine, but you wouldn't know, because we all know you just randomly picked my current muse / most popular OC to try and piss me off 😉

I've said it about a dozen times over the past year and a half and I'm happy to say it again - don't be such a sour, envious twat and maybe people won't be so put off by you ❤️

[biscuitsnbails]

Putting myself out there

The last blog entry I ever made with any amount of seriousness was on LiveJournal way back in 2005. Whelp - lets change that.

I have seen a lot of posts saying how no one is claiming 2024 as "their year" because everyone is gun shy now with all the shit going on. Because of the contrarian that I am - I guess I will take it then. I decided this year to actually start getting outside of my comfort zone. Sitting on the sidelines are nice and all - but I wanna get in there.

Last night I went to a puppy play event in my city - this is something I have been into for a long while but never went, so I was super duper exited and y'all. The energy was great. The venue was hella cool, its a newer gay bar and it was built out of a renovated house in an up and coming area. The only problem was that it was heavily gay-male dominated event and I am a trans woman - therefore I was pretty much ignored the whole night. I say I tried to talk to these people and just wanted to talk shop and maybe make some friends, but it was not in the cards apparently. I'm a little crushed by it, if i'm honest. Like maybe I should have known better. I am however still proud of myself for trying to meet other pups, even though it didn't go my way. I still got out there - I made real effort - and while it was terrifying it was a good first step.

Its so silly reading this back, because in every single other area of my life I am super confident and solid. I am a badass at my career, I have all my shit handled. But getting into social spaces -even online ones like tumblr- terrify me. I see everyone posting whitty, fun, interesting, and face meltingly wonderful horny posts. I wanna try, I probably look pathetic but I keep thinking of Jake from adventure time: "Sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something."

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

two things:

1. hella proud of all of y'all who showed up on that hellsite tonight for the blitz. my eyes crapped out on me after an hour, but i'm still getting notifs that shit is being retweeted, so ik some of you are still at it however many hours later, and that is delicious. glad to burn down amc alongside such a rad group of ppl

(1.5 plz be sure to go thank your local weaintashes collective for putting all this time and effort into making this happen i used to run a campus group that ran direct action events against university malpractices, and those events took a million hours and so much time to organize, and yet these amazing ppl put together a successful protest against an ENTIRE NETWORK, with people all across the globe, in like, less than a week. mad mad mad props, my dudes)

2. no one else can follow me on twitter, bc i have exactly 69 followers #nice

[immortalbumblebee]

So.......Benzo? I feel like he doesn't get any love. If you were up for it.....nsfw alphabet? Im just mostly curious. Love the personality you've built for him in your fics btw. ❤️

Y'all recent requests really be pushing me outside my comfort zone and I am LIVING FOR IT. So here we go, a little something while I'm too busy to work on other stuff rn <3

This made me think that I may do one of these for all the main crew, perhaps even Min if there's a demand. Thoughts?

Again, goes without mentioning, if you’re under 18+, please don’t read! Not for your little eyes!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Caring, but not super affectionate. Will make sure his partner is comfortable and feeling good, get you both a drink, etc. But unless this is a romantic partner and not just a typical hookup, he will head out soon after. If this is more than just a casual thing, he'll pass out but won't be the one to instigate cuddles. Will give cuddles if you ask for them, of course, but he's used to hookups so he's not entirely familiar with the concept.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On him, man's been sporting the mutton chops since his mid-20s, and he's hella proud of them. He was definitely the first in the gaggle of friends to be able to grow facial hair, and he will hold that to his heart forever. Doesn't tend to do a lot of personal grooming, but will absolutely put effort into his facial hair. That being said, also isn't opposed to getting it messy if the occasion calls for it ;) Otherwise, is rather fond of his broad shoulders.

On a fem! or gn! reader, Benzo's definitely a hips/ass-man. A woman who's able to outwit him and has a dumptruck? A dream come true. Always likes his women more on the bigger side, and in his youth, Benzo was quite the fan of skimpy denim shorts. Cellulite and stretch marks? Not a problem. He just likes having something to hold onto.

I'm fairly certain Benzo's a straight man, personally, but he can definitely appreciate a good beard on a male!reader.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Loves cumming on his partner's face. Will try and aim away from eyes and hair, but nothing gets this man going quite like having a girl on her knees in front of him with a face covered in his cum. It's absolutely filthy and he loves that shit.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has been, and enjoys being, pegged. Would rather die a slow, agonizing death than have Vander or Silco find out about that little tidbit, but honestly surprised himself when he experimented with pegging a bit in his early 20s and found it to be one of the best things he'd ever experienced.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Benzo! Is! A! Whore! Especially in his youth, but I can definitely see him using that businessman charm on some milfs as he gets older. That being said, since he's really mostly used to one-off hookups, and not "love making" or whatever, there are certain things that he's not super familiar with. Cuddles, forehead kisses, and affection? He doesn't know what he's doing in that regard.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Our man loves lotus position. Getting to see his partner riding up and down on his dick, gripping their ass while teasing and biting their neck? Good shit right there. Additionally loves 69 unironically, even if it's a bit awkward sometimes.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Tends to be a bit more serious, it's just the headspace he gets in. But as he gets older and learns to take things a little less serious, he enjoys a partner who can make him laugh. A little goofier after the deed, not so much during.

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Not the most well-groomed. Clean, of course, but man has a whole ass bush down there and doesn't have much intention on trimming it down anytime soon.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

As previously stated, intimacy isn't his strong suit. Making his girl scream and moan? Damn god at that. But the whole 'romance' thing tends to allude to him sometimes. Not that he's opposed to it or anything like that, he just isn't particularly well versed in the way of affection or romance. Romance to him means buying his girl shiny things, loyalty, and a couple laughs over some drinks. Sex is something different.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Surprisingly doesn't have a huge sex drive, so he's never been much for self-pleasure. When he was a young teenager, of course, he had the usual long nights alone. But as soon as he got into the bar-hopping scene, he never really felt the need. It's just not the same without a partner.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Two words: Goblin brain. Lingerie is one of his favourite things in the world, especially stuff with lace, ribbons, etc. He loves seeing his partners dolled up like his own personal treasures, especially if the fabric hugs their curves in just the right way. Isn't always a sub per se, but loves a woman who can take charge. So if she wants to top him, he is more than down.

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

Has a couple places around town he used to sneak off during his younger years. Roofs were always fun, being able to rise above the city. But once he opened the shop, the backroom became a staple of his sexual encounters. Sneaking off into the back room after closing, or better yet, having a girl willing to suck him off under the counter? Only takes hookups home as a last resort, out of risk that they might bump into Vander or Silco. Prefers to keep his family and sex life very separate.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Those short-shorts, lingerie, etc. will always get his motor running. But that's not all. Nothing turns him on more than an intelligent woman. Quippy, clever women who know their shit give him a run for his money. If he's selling to them, they provide a challenge, and Benzo loves a challenge.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Bondage, gun/knife play, and anything with body fluids other than cum are a no-fly zone. Doesn't trust people enough, and doesn't trust himself to do that kind of stuff to anyone else. Also isn't super comfortable dom-ing anyone; being worried about hurting his partner takes him out of the zone.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves both with a passion, but despite loving the sight of his partners on their knees, having a woman sitting on his face is a holy experience to this man. Lives for the feeling of thighs clenched around his head while she cums on his tongue, rocking into his face with fervour.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough is the name of the game here, babyyyy. Can get bored if things are too slow, and sensuality isn't his main goal. That being said, sex isn't sex to Benzo unless his partner finishes, so he's gonna take his time.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Loves quickies with a passion. They're handy, fun, and if it involves sneaking out for a moment it can also be very exciting. Additionally, he sees them as a challenge. Only have 20 minutes before an important client's stopping by the store? Guess you two better get going then. Plus, somewhat selfishly, means he doesn't risk getting into the cuddling/aftercare situation if it can be avoided.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Oh fuck yeah he's game. He has his limits, like he refuses to take quickies in a dirty-ass alley, no dom-ing, things need to be discussed and agreed upon beforehand, etc. But so long as everyone is safe and having a good time, he's willing to try anything once.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Doesn't have the most stamina in the world. Can take his time with you, especially if he's also using his hands, mouth, etc. But one round and he's done for the day. If you want to keep going, he'd be happy to make you cum over and over again with his mouth, but man's got his limits.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Absolutely would use toys if his partner is down. Again, goblin brain, and if he comes across one really cool-looking machine or a particularly shiny pair of cuffs, he's going to be all over that like wet on water. Would always be sure to experiment with them on himself first if possible before trying with a partner, but just like with the masturbation thing, prefers to have someone there to have fun with.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not really much for teasing, is far too blunt. They're all for whispering dirty words in public and stuff like that, but if he's in the mood, he's gonna whisk his partner away ASAP rather than trying to draw it out.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He makes a pretty normal amount of noise. Low groans as he's cumming all over his partner, whimpers if he's being controlled/dommed, a few curse words being whispered under his breath while his partner slides down on his dick. But isn't particularly vocal a lot of the time.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Is absolutely the type of guy to steal a pair of his girl's underwear. Not for hookups, and he'll give them back if y'all stop seeing each other (typically sneaking the clothing back to them), but if he's been hooking up with someone for a while and is serious about it...panties: swiped. Man has a goblin brain, he's gonna take trinkets, and your underwear is gonna be his favourite one.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

A solid 6 inches. Not the biggest in length, but he's got some solid girth going on there. Is a big proprietor of the "it's not the size, it's how you use it" ideology.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Again, not super high. He's a whore, but he's not going to try and find a different girl to shack up with every other night. That's too much for him, not to mention too much effort.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If he's comfortable with his partner and more than just a one-time thing, he's out like a light within a couple minutes. Although cuddling isn't his thing, if he has a girl he likes, then he loves sleeping next to them, knowing they're safe by his side, and being able to see them first thing in the morning.

[tillthelandslide]

Cute Moments : Henry Cavill Fake Instagram Post

Request from @thereisa8ella​: Maybe a insta Henry Cavill of cute moments together while at home relaxing or fitting in with his family🙏🏼❣️ New to your page but love what you do💗👌🏼

Tagged: @harrysthiccthighss @thereisa8ella @magdelen69 ​ (if you want to be tagged in my post please message me :)

Authours note: hope this is what you wanted and hopefully everyone else likes it too. Keep the requests coming because I am having so much fun making these.

your_username:

your_username moments like this ❤️ @henrycavill

Liked by henrycavill, anyachalotra, yourbestfriendsinsta and 239,627 more

View all 2,551 comments

henrycavill damn we look cute ❤️❤️

fan6 the way he looks at our queen 😍

ynhenry4ever I want this 😍

  ↳ your_username it will come to you eventually ❤️ when I met Henry i had finally learnt to love myself, I was blossoming in my career, I had amazing friends and family around me but wasn't actively looking for love... Then I met hen and my world turned upside down. Love happens when you're not expecting it and it's epic ❤️ you'll have it one day because you're wonderful. You all are 😘

   ↳ ynhenry4ever thank you so much for replying, this made my year ❤️ I needed to hear that so thanks from the bottom of my heart. We all appreciate the time and effort you put into replying to us

henrygeraltfan he's so attentive, he's playing with her hair, looking at her like THAT and his hand on her leg... I want one

   ↳ your_username unfortunately he's limited edition but you'll find your own soul mate one day and trust me the universe is working its magic so I'm sure they're on their way

ynfandom will you marry me 💍 @your_username

   ↳ henrycavill sorry she's taken

   ↳ your_username I'm sure we can make it work 😂 @ynfandom @henrycavill

   ↳ henrycavill nope. Want you all to myself 😍

   ↳ ynfandom I so appreciate that you didn't say something toxic like "you're mine"

   ↳ henrycavill she's her own person and belongs to herself, I'm just the lucky guy she chose to share her life with @ynfandom

   ↳ your_username aww we love a genuinely respectful nontoxic man @henrycavill ❤️

   ↳ fan7 no toxic masculinity here, no sir-y

henrycavill:

henrycavill these views 😍

Liked by your_username and 1,238,000 others

View all 46,783 comments

your_username they were truly amazing

    ↳ henrycavill I was talking about you

    ↳ your_username and I oop 🥺🤭🤫

joeybateyofficial would hate to be the people on the other side XD

   ↳ henrycavill liar 

freyaallan hope you’re having the best time

laurenhissrich glad to see you’re spending your time off well. Hope you’re spoiling her

your_username:

your_username my cuddly bear forever and ever @henrycavill

Liked by henrycavill, anyachalotra and 217,873 others

View all 2,572 comments

henrycavill it's a honour my dear ❤️ just exposed my nickname though 😂

   ↳ your_username you love it really 💜

   ↳ henrycavill only from you 💜 

yourbestfriendsinsta miss you ❤️ hope Jersey is treating you well. Sending my love to the both of you

   ↳ your_username miss you too sweetie. It’s amazing here

   ↳ henrycavill we’ll have dinner with you and ybfbn when we’re back?

   ↳ yourbestfriendsinsta we look forward to it

henrycavill:

henrycavill when a selfie fails... But its good to be back home in Jersey with @your_username

Liked by your_username, durrell and 873,738 others

View all 59,738 comments

your_username love you squish ❤️

hoeforhenry how does one human get that many likes and that many comments

   ↳ fan6 stupid comment. Have you seen him? He's fit... That's it

   ↳ your_username more importantly have you learnt about the kind of person he is, hard not love him when you find out he is the biggest nerd and biggest softy ever and the most caring person in the world and cares for animals and is passionate about his job and treats everyone equally and works his butt off and has the biggest heart...i could carry on but I think you get the point

   ↳ hoeforhenry we love that, made the first comment as a joke.

   ↳ your_username it's okay love no need explain, I've seen you comment before and you comment the most lovely things, some... Not so much

   ↳ hoeforhenry aww you notice me? I hate when people are rude about him he's such a nice guy and so much more beyond his looks. I mean obviously he is ridiculously good looking but he's so much more than that

   ↳ your_username well said ❤️

henrycavill:

henrycavill so nice to be back home with @your_username you're one of the cavills now

Liked by your_username and 738,938 others

View al 103,394 comments

fan1 wait what did y'all get married?

your_username not yet 😉 just a figure of speech 💙

fan4 everyone out here thinking they got married 😂 he just means his family accepted her

your_username I had such a wonderful time with you and your family. The Cavills are the best ❤️ thank you all for always being so accepting 😘

your_username:

your_username I would follow you to the end of the earth 🌎❤️ @henrycavill

Liked by yourbestfriendsinsta and 389,938 others

View all 63,830 comments

henrycavill the fact my mum took this kind of creeps me out 😂 but I'd follow you too baby ❤️

   ↳ fan6 ahhh he calls her baby. What? WHAT! my heart cant handle the cuteness 🥺

   ↳ fan7 you kiss in front of his parents? Bit gross, bit disrespectful

   ↳ henrycavill yes. Adults kiss in front of other adults, parents or not. You should see my parents 🤣

   ↳ your_username so lovely to see how in love your parents are. Still thankful to your mum for taking this

fan7 the way she is craddling HIS face... hella adorable

henryscurls curly henry is the best henry

[multiversxwhore]

My life is a bit of a struggle right now: my iPhone is broken, so ive been using my computer, and its super, hella ghetto. I have found so many abandoned chapters/stories, and one shots in the notes on my phone. I totally forgot about them, and I also have so may other fics in the google docs on my computer. I just have shit everywhere, and I hate it, when it comes to things like this I like to be a bit more organized. So I'm probably gonna be making some posting changes, I wonder if It would help to schedule my post as a-pose to posting chapters/one shots whenever. I know I shouldn't be putting so much effort into something i dont even get paid for, but my hobbies are really important to me. It's how I keep from going totally insane. So, yea, i dont know. I also just wanna say thank you to those of you who follow mw, read my shit, and actually reblog it. I've been on tumblr since like, 2014, and I would say things here have changed quite a lot. However, this is my first time on tumblr as an active writer(since 2021), and I actually really like the writing community here. Y'all are so creative, and talented I love to see it. The many different themes, and stories we all tell, just wonderful.

Any who lol, here's to many more, cheers

[skylarkalchemist]

Good evening friends! I have some fun news: I'm the costume designer for a film!

"Joey Witten is a Big Stupid Idiot and I Hate Him" is a film which will follow a group of theatre students and alumni, playing alternate reality versions of themselves, as two pairs go on a life-changing road trip, the third pair deals with the stagnation and stress of college midterms, and a final individual struggles to navigate life after college. "Big Stupid Idiot" is about relationships, and how they change over time. It's about how it's okay for relationships to change. And how it's okay to wish they wouldn't. And how it's also okay to re-evaluate them and decide whether or not it is worth it to either person to keep putting effort into those relationships, whether you wish you could or not.

Honestly, if I'm speaking entirely from the heart, I need to say that this is a film I wish had existed when I was in high school and college, and I feel very strongly about the importance of its message and the way our team is going about expressing it. It's serious, but it's also funny, and nostalgic, and is wholly representative of everything that our performers hold dear about their relationships with their fellow castmates, many of whom are their dearest friends.

This film is the culmination of years of shared experiences and bonds which have been cultivated through both mutual hardship and mutual celebrations, and it's quickly become a passion project and a labor of love for everyone who's been brought on board to make it happen.

Most all of our team is working entirely unpaid, myself included, and making a film is definitely not cheap. So, our writer/director/producers have made a Kickstarter to help us raise the funding we need to make the best film possible, and ideally, to meet our stretch goal of being able to afford to pay all of our production staff and crew members (again, myself included).

You can check out the intro video to learn a bit more about the project and see a short snippet pulled from the script acted out, and you can see our tiers in the Kickstarter link as well! (I think my personal favorite is the $15 tier where you get access to the dramatic rantings of our good friend, Maxwell, and of course, the $5 tier of photos of our producer's cat comes in at a close 2nd. And, if you're looking to drop hella cash on something very silly, for $1000, you can get the first-ever knitting project of our dear Joey, a scarf which will more likely than not look very eclectic, and also very- um- made with love? Yeah, let's go with that. Other tiers include access to digital copies of select notated scripts, video diaries from the production and/or filming processes- I hope to add some footage of my own work to these, so you can be on the lookout for that if you select that tier- and more!)

For y'all here on tumblr, I'll add this: if you donate at least $5 to the kickstarter and then direct message me with the name you used to donate and the amount donated (for verification purposes), I will send you a bonus photograph of one of my own kitties (which kitty you get a picture of will be selected at random).

All that said, it really would mean the world to me and my team if anyone who is able would drop even a couple of dollars on our Kickstarter (linked below). Whether you can only donate a couple of dollars, or you are for some reason looking to drop $1000 on a guy's first scarf-knitting project, any amount is really and truly appreciated.

[profoundpidgeon]

So you don’t have anything about requests, but this is more of a suggestion than anything so you def don’t have to do it, but I’m non-binary and you have enlightened me of non-binary Kenma, and I would love some headcannons of enby!Kenma just vibing in the genderless void with their also non-binary s/o!

Again totally just a suggestion, you are in no way obligated to do this! Just an idea I had, might write for it myself too tbh. Have a great day/night!

A/N: AAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! MY VERY FIRST REQUEST OF COURSE IM GOING TO REPLY! Thank you so much for requesting!!! I'm very happy you like my headcanon!

~ur lovely Pidge 💖

n/n=nickname

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Hcs of enby!Kenma and their enby!s/o just living in the genderless void (i love how you called it that btw, i'm gonna use that from now on)

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I feel like y'all will own like this lil' domestic cat family together. Like 2-3 cats max and you'll have these designated times when to play with them together. (You definitely have a video of Kenma just flopped upside down on your bed with a worm on a string in their hands just swerving it around and your cat chasing it. goood it's sooo cute and you definitly have it saved in memories.)

Y'all would play video games together and it could be either one of two ways. One: you could either be building a cute cottage core minecraft world together with your minecraft beds beside each other and/or help Kenma help build a absolute GOD TIER animal crossing island (when I envisioned this I mean like you would visit their island and hopefully you can make your own house on it??? ngl idk I never visited a friends island before on the game so idk) or Two: Y'all would get hella competitive with Mario kart or Smash Bros while your cats are in the corner fearing for their lives. (mostly because of you while Kenma has either stoic face ever or just a stupid ass smirk as they watch you throw the controller)

I bet Kenma would be really good at eyeliner and maybe just makeup in general. Like they would be really good at different techniques and just have a really steady hand. They would teach you if you want and you can teach them what you know. (ooooff just imagine kenma in like a business suit with a lazy low bun with baby hairs out and eyeliner... HMMMM) (I also have this headcannon for Suna too)

On the subject of cosmetics, they would also allow you to paint their nails but probably only in the neutral/darker shades. Their favorite color would either be black or red. (ha ha see what I did there?)

Y'all would go on lil' thrifting dates together. I feel like Kenma would wear one of the oversized sweaters where the arms are too long and their hands are covered while on the date. Y'all would definitely buy wayyyy much more than needed and get some much needed boba afterwards. (Or whatever drink you want)

You would need to help them get a decent sleep schedule and even hear them get snacks at like 3am after a game (that they'll probably get back too but you're not having it cause look at the time)

You slowly make your way to the kitchen because you heard a rustling in the kitchen...

"Kenma? What are you doing?"

(Just a bunch of a snacks in hand and a cookie in mouth...) "mmnothin"...

"Well it's really late, you should really get some sleep. I'm starting to see eye bags."

As you say this you stroke under their eye as they lean into your touch.

They sigh, "fine... thanks for caring about me. But you owe me something for ending my game early."

Instead of picnics outside, I feel like y'all would have lil' indoor movie dates with a blanket fort and takeout with lil' snacks here and there. There can be fairy lights (if you put the effort idk) and it can just be all cozy with all the blankets cushions and the warm atmosphere! (hopefully the cats don't play with the lights too much...)

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I hope y'all enjoyed!

🌻Pidges' Masterlist🌻

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟒)

part three

note - i wanna thank everyone for reading once again! i'm currently in the process of writing imagines, those will be posted throughout the week, i don't want to clog up my blog bc i want y'all to see this chapter!

this one switches pov a lil more frequently, so bear with me <3 also not as smutty as other chapters, this is more of an emotionally-charged chapter!!! still a teensy bit smutty thooo. i want to make it clear that while this fic is definitely rooted in smut & sex & sex work, it is not porn without plot & will not ONLY be smut as i put effort and time into plot development / character development! i'm sure y'all know that tho. there will be conflict, there will be plot!!! i feel like that's clear already but there's discourse on smut happening rn and i wanna voice myself! omg anyways luv y'all enjoy the reaaad <3

new taglist!

playlist

word count - 8.3k

warnings - age gap, sex work, smut, vibrator, ANGSTYYY like hella dramatic, dirty talk

That slight shift that you and Steve both felt, that happiness that you realized came from talking to one another, only lasted so long... for you. You could hardly sit in your feelings about your situation with Steve before another thing that occupied all your time came crashing down upon you. Except this time, the thing brought you no such happiness or curiosity.

    You had spent almost your entire senior year working on a special lab project about drought tolerant plants in Southern California where you lived and went to school, and your professor was making completing your project incredibly hard for you. And you felt incredibly stressed out about the entire situation - not only was the project necessary to graduate, but it was your heart and soul for the past year. Now, your professor was basically saying it was "ineligible."

     "Ineligible?" Aaliyah repeated after you, after you told her what your professor had said.

     "Whatever the hell that means," you huffed as you power walked down the street, hand in hand with Aaliyah, your free hand holding a coffee.

     "That's so fucking annoying, holy shit," Aaliyah pressed a hand to her forehead. "He had the whole year to talk to you about changing your topic and...”

     "And he never did," you sighed, frowning. You settled down onto a bench where the two of you sat next to each other, staring out into the busy streets and sipping your iced coffees.

California was a beautiful place, and you were a native, you'd lived there all your life. You knew the ins and outs of your city, knew Southern California like it was your backbone. And you loved it here - loved the sun, the beaches, the way the people were either shady in the best way or incredibly friendly. You'd never really known any other place like you knew this place. You were just glad that if you had to be stressed, you could do so in California.

Aaliyah pouted, feeling for you. She placed her hand on your knee to be comforting,

     "Babe..."

     "It's okay," you sighed. You sucked it up, like always, because you had learned how to fend for yourself ever since you realized that depending on others could only lead to downfall. You would figure this out the same way you figured everything else out... on your own. You figured out your house on your own, your job, your finances.

     "Is it, though?" Aaliyah pursed her lips and squinted at you. Despite how much you tried to fend for yourself, Aaliyah was always there for you. She was one of your biggest supporters.

     "I'll just keep visiting during his office hours and work this out."

Aaliyah rolled her eyes,

     "Men are so annoying, girl. You know what, he probably wants to fuck you. With your fine ass. That's why he's doing all this."

You chuckled, shaking your head and covering your mouth, trilling back in response,

       "Okay girl, don't get too ahead of yourself."

       "I'm serious! Men are evil. Oh, except your fave."

You made a face, nearly choking on your iced coffee. This was news to you,

       "Who are we talking about?"

       "You know," Aaliyah sang slightly, nudging you and leaning against your shoulder. "Mr. Won't Show His Face."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, but bit down on your straw with a knowing smile, eyes peeking out over the top of your shades. If you were being honest, this idea of Steve, whoever he really was, had been a fun thing to entertain during this period of stress. You'd been talking and engaging with him for two and a half weeks now, and the connection you two had was undeniable.

But you knew better - maybe he wasn't just another customer, because you could really talk to him and felt like he was real - then again, he was strictly a customer. You liked him, a lot, but you couldn't like him any more than you already did. That would be dangerous and silly, and create unrealistic expectations. It wasn't like you could go on dates or anything.

    Still, talking to him (and performing for him) did help to distract you from your stress, at least for a small amount of time. Steve was becoming less shy, less inhibited. He cracked jokes and was starting to keep up with your innate sense of sexuality, starting to navigate you, find you the way a bee might find its nectar, hidden deep inside the curvatures of a flower.

If you were a flower, you'd probably be a sunflower - bright, yellow, almost always in a positive mood, or at least trying to keep yourself in a positive mood. More than that though, sunflowers were tall and looming - you felt like that represented your put togetherness and how hard you worked, how smart you were. Only sometimes it was hard to keep yourself up and tall, but you always did it, time and time again.

But when it came to Aaliyah's comments about Steve, she mostly just made you laugh.

    "Haven't seen him yet, have you?" Aaliyah asked, raising her brows expectantly.

     "No. And I'm fine with that. He's simply another very loyal customer who I happen to like."

     "Hm," Aaliyah hummed, and you could tell her mind was up to something - some very wishful, and mischievous thinking.

     "What are you up to?" you narrowed your eyes at her and glared at her, and she just shook her head with a lazy smile,

     "Nothing. Just thinking that maybe it would be cool if he really was this really hot guy that you actually knew and he wasn't creepy and y'all... you know... started dating. Just to get your mind off a lot of crap. I know, I know, strictly against the rules, blah blah blah. No feelings for customers, it's basic shit. But in a perfect world..."

      "I know," you sighed without thinking, sipping at your drink.

     "You know?" Aaliyah questioned, surprised.

You shrugged,

     "So I've thought about it. Except, you know, in a perfect world, I'd meet a guy like Steve in like, a farmer's market or something. Not on my shady ass cam shows."

Aaliyah snorted laughing, and at the sound of her laughter, you joined in.

You continued,

     "I mean, not Steve exactly, because that would be weird. I just mean, a guy like Steve."

     "You mean a guy who makes you feel the same way he makes you feel," Aaliyah corrected you, and you glared at her again, pushing her gently.

     "Don't push it," you teased, but you meant it - you might have liked Steve, but that was all there was to it - you liked him, he was a distraction. And maybe even that was too much.

✺ ✺ ✺

As for Steve, he thoroughly enjoyed his time with you. He thought constantly about how you made him feel, how much he looked forward to talking to you. How everyday, his worry about your situation becoming more serious dissipated slowly. He could feel himself easing into you, everything that made up this character you created called Moonrose. Conversation seemed casual, like you knew each other in real life, it felt easy, and there was no pressure.

As for your connection, he had finally acknowledged that it was real, and more than either of you had wanted to realize at first. But now, there was no shame, no worry in acknowledging what the two of you had, because you were both smart enough to keep it at this level. It was like a shallow pool. There would be no drowning.

He mostly talked to Bucky about you when it came to the emotional aspect of it. He still feared that if he talked to Tony, it might come across as an issue, and might put a pause on what he had with you. But everyone noticed how different Steve was acting. Even without the phase he had gone through where he was sexually frustrated and angry, he still acted different.

Lighter on his feet, more smiley. And he was always on top of his work. You weren't distracting him from his duty, so that made the fact that he knew you had a unique connection with him more bearable. Because of you, he was learning to worry less. To have a little more fun.

    It was a bright day that week, the sun filtering in through the large windows of the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Steve was engaging in some mindless conversation with Sam and Bucky in which they were debating whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza.

     "No. I'm not sure why everyone keeps trying to put all these twists on pizza. It's pizza," Bucky scoffed, Sam rolling his eyes as a result.

    "You're just closed off. With your old ass," Sam retorted, and Steve made a face. Sam raised his hands up in surrender. "You know what I mean. What about you Steve?"

Honestly, Steve had never even tried pineapple on pizza and he didn't understand why there was such a big fuss about the banal question.

    "I don't really have an opinion," he shrugged, not expecting Sam and Bucky to start clamoring over him and trying to force him to pick a side.

    Before he even got to grasp the situation, he felt Natasha patting his shoulder,

"Hey, mind if I use your laptop? Mine's gone haywire, don't really feel like messing with it right now."

"Yeah," Steve agreed without a second thought, setting his laptop on the table and letting Natasha handle it- she was better with tech stuff than he ever was.

Natasha would use his laptop to showcase some data and start off their morning. It seemed innocent enough —a simple, barely impacting sacrifice. But Steve clearly hadn't thought everything through, because the moment Natasha logged in and hooked up Steve's computer to the holographic projector, more than just data appeared on the screen.

In fact, a whole array of women, all of them engaging in various sexual acts or preparing themselves to, showed up on the screen. And at the top, where the browser was, were the words "girlsonfilm.com."

Steve hadn't noticed all the clamor, too busy thinking (thoughts of you and thoughts of work), until Bucky called it to his attention.

"Steve," he nudged him frantically, his voice a loud whisper.

When Steve looked up at the screen, his face couldn't have gone any redder. He hadn't thought about this at all, and he had clearly forgotten to close out his browser. His heart sunk all the way to his stomach - because it wasn't just Natasha seeing this, it was everybody. And that included Tony, who was glaring pointedly at Steve from the head of the table. Meanwhile, all the others were too busy heckling Natasha and making brash comments about what was appearing onscreen. To Steve's relief, your face didn't show up, but this just might have been worse than only your screen appearing.

     "Woah, Nat, I didn't know you got down like that!" Sam hooted, cupping his mouth with his hands.

Natasha, though she was in shock as well, rolled her eyes,

     "This is Steve's laptop."

Now a hush, then another clamor of confusion and heckling, all directed towards Steve. He couldn't recoil any more, feeling the pangs of embarrassment as his eyes flashed between every one of his teammates. He felt as if there were an asteroid approaching fast, and he was right where it would land, too slow to move out of its way.

     "Steve, what do you know about 'girls on film'?" Sam nearly cackled, reading the name of the site.

Steve sighed deeply, locking eyes with Natasha as he mouthed "turn it off" to her.

     "I am, I am," she ensured him, quickly disconnecting the laptop from the projection, unplugging completely.

A beat passed, everyone staring expectantly at Steve, who was staring down at the table, trying to process his own thoughts. Like for starters, why didn't he log out the last time, and why didn't he remember to log out? And then his mind went to deeper places. He hadn't been intentionally secretive with his actions, but he had been intentionally private. It had to do with his own growth, he was learning how to navigate a world that was new to him and somehow helping him at once. He didn't want to have to share this with everyone, it was nice having this to himself, he had no intentions of revealing what he had been doing in his past time that made him so happy.

One of the reasons he didn't want everyone to know about his situation was because he didn't want to have to be concerned with what everyone else might think. Because to begin with, being on a site for cam shows wasn't exactly everyone's idea of what Captain America might be up to these days.

It was a matter of his image, what values he was supposed to hold. This didn't exactly match, and Steve had just gotten over the idea that he was a bad, sneaky person because of what he chose to indulge in. At least here he knew it was ethical and not causing harm to you as a human being.

He also didn't want to have to deal with the insufferable questioning and teasing his team would put him through, or the judgment he thought they might put him through. He felt embarrassed, exposed, and like he had been ill prepared for a situation like this. He was just grateful they hadn't seen more, because that would've been a disaster. What they had seen was only at the surface level of what he'd been doing.

But his thinking was interrupted by Tony's voice, which broke through all the silence, and made Steve realize again the eyes that were on him.

     "Well, jig's up," Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Care to explain?"

Steve locked eyes with Tony, as if hopeful that he wouldn't have to, but he knew it was best for him to just spit it out. Tony shrugged apologetically, and Steve took in a deep sigh, looking around at everyone at the table.

     "What was that?" Scott whimpered, probably the most distraught by what they had all seen.

Steve nodded solemnly and began to explain himself. He would tell the truth, but that didn't mean he had to tell them everything. You would be left out of this, if anything. He'd just explain to them that sometimes, duty calls - and sometimes, it's not at all work-related.

✺ ✺ ✺

It was just hours before your cam show when another disaster struck, the first one being the fact that your professor was giving you shit about your project. You were in the bathroom, getting ready for your show, fixing your hair up and doing your makeup, laying out an outfit, doing all the things you did to feel pretty before a show.

    Your phone lay beside you on the bathroom table, pinging with messages every now and then. You ignored it, leaning closer into the mirror to get a look at your lipstick, dabbing your fingers into the pigment on your lips.

You smiled, feeling that gratifying sense of achievement. Despite what was going on with your professor, you felt like you were doing well in life. You usually had a positive mindset, enjoyed your work although you sometimes felt as if you were buried deep in all your occupations: student, office worker, cam girl, designer, young woman. Your life was never dull, and you wouldn't trade it for anything. Talking to Steve helped too, but it was more than that.

But that sense of satisfaction all seemed to dissolve when you looked down at your phone, and saw a text from an unsaved number, glaring bright on your glowing lock screen of you hiking with Aaliyah. Still, you recognized it immediately.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

I miss you. Text me back.

✺ ✺ ✺

Steve wasn't exactly keen on joining your live show today, but he did so anyway, because he still had time to himself despite the spiral of events that had happened earlier. There was nothing else to do, and he didn't want to miss out on you after attending almost all of your shows for the past almost three weeks. Didn't want to just leave unexpectedly.

It felt strange that he felt this tug of commitment, but he brushed it off. He was just fulfilling his needs, which should even be expected of him. He was stressed again, after being caught up like he was. And maybe that was all the more reason not to watch your show tonight, but he wouldn't devoid himself of the simple pleasures of life. He'd learned that lesson a while ago, from a special someone called Moonrose.

After everything transpired, he explained himself calmly to his team, slowly to ensure that they'd understand that this wasn't the beginning of a deviant phase, that he wasn't throwing away his work responsibilities to lurk on the NSFW side of the internet. Not that they ever thought that to begin with, they never questioned his abilities or his authority for a minute, not even in the midst of what they'd seen that had shocked them.

This was the product of Steve's own insecurities and his admittedly silly fear that he was somehow letting his team down. He told them that he was on the site, as recommended by Tony, to relieve some "frustration" that he felt he didn't have the time or the means to release in real life. He said that while it had helped him do that, he wasn't throwing away his responsibilities, nor was he dependent on the site or the things on it, or the people on it for that matter.

He knew that if they knew about you, all those private sessions, all those conversations you'd had, the connection you had built between the two of you, it might be a different story. But because they didn't, they appreciated his honesty. They were confused, it didn't seem like the kind of thing Steve would be into, and he ensured them that it was a shock to him as well.

But they didn't mind on the whole, it was just a shock to everyone at first. They didn't think it called for a meeting, thought it was almost humorous how serious Steve was being about such a trivial situation. Wanda had joked about how we've all been there, Thor denied ever having to do such a thing because: "I have all the romantic partners anyone could ask for. I could introduce you Steve, but these Asgardian women are fiery, far beyond anything I believe you could handle." In the end, Steve was relieved, felt like it didn't have the disastrous outcome he'd been expected.

But he could feel his guard slowly coming back up. That was a close call, and it was a little too close for comfort. He didn't want to disregard you, but he couldn't afford to sink further in, and get his team involved. He just didn't want to face the consequences he could imagine if they knew how much he decided to stick with you, how much you talked, how it was teetering off the range of normal customer to cam girl interaction.

It wasn't like he was careless when it came to his interactions with you, but he also didn't want his team to know about his business when it came to you. He didn't want them thinking he was engaging too much, didn't want it to get to the point where he was worrying again or felt like he needed to deny himself such wonderful feelings.

All these things were on his mind while he waited for your live show to start. When it did, and he saw your face, he felt a little bit alleviated. Just for now, he could have this fantasy to himself. If they knew about the site, so be it. At least he had you to himself.

      "Hey guys," you mustered a smile, waving to the camera.

Unbeknownst to your viewers, you had spent the past few hours off camera panicking, on the verge of tears, calling Aaliyah frantically so she could help calm you down. That text from that mysterious unknown number had been from your ex's number. The same ex who made you fall into dependency patterns that you worked so hard to get out of, the one who made you feel like you had to work for his love. Like it wasn't something you deserved, just like anyone else.

You had worked so hard to finally wring out all the effects of him, all the bad habits you had fallen into because of him. That was part of the reason why you worked so hard. Not because you were actively avoiding him specifically, but because you were actively bettering yourself. You weren't looking for a relationship. But you knew that if you were in one now, the same things would never happen to you.

When you got that text, it triggered a flood of memories. Feelings you had to work to suppress and actually get over for months so you wouldn't fall back into the same desperate, needy patterns when it came to your relationships with people. All over a simple text from someone you hadn't heard from in almost a year. It hurt you how easy it was to get you to crack, even if you didn't spill out all the way. But on top of the added stress because of school, you were damn close.

You would do the show tonight, anyway. It helped you to escape, although Moonrose was a part of you, it didn't one hundred translate into real life. So in a way, this helped you escape real life. Just for a while. Just like Steve.

You grinned when you saw concerned comments from your watchers:

johnGuy182

Are you okay, moonrose? You seem a little sad.

zenongirl

Girl r u ok? i missed seeing your face!!!

     "Guys, I'm okay," you grinned. And you actually felt better seeing comments from your supporters. It reminded you to cheer up - they were looking for a good show, not a sob story. You leaned back, revealing your stomach in the sheer, sparkly fringed bra you chose to wear (another piece you had designed by yourself). "It's been a looong day."

Steve watched silently, observing your behavior. He didn't notice drastic changes, but you did appear less chipper. Then again, he brushed it off. He didn't expect you to be smiley all the time, you were human too, and this was your work.

"But I'm okay," you reassured, giving that signature grin, genuine and charming and alluring. You were trying to gently distract yourself, get into your act. "I hope you're all just as lovely as I am. I have a special game for you today."

You directed your viewers to your spinning wheel, which you had been working on crafting that week for a game. You grinned as you spinned it. Each act on the wheel cost a certain amount of tokens, and by the end of the game you would garner a bunch of funds. The show went by relatively quickly as you played the game, eventually ending up completely naked.

As ordered by the spinning wheel, you were to use a vibrator. You held it against your clit at the highest setting as you watched the numbers of viewers and the tokens jump up, Steve watching as he stroked himself leisurely. Your legs shook as you restrained yourself from your orgasm so as to increase the length of your showtime, garner more coins to encourage you to come.

     "Mm," you moaned, massaging the vibrator against your clit, getting wetter and slicker by the minute, sliding the toy between your folds. You laughed, breathless. "Fuck, this thing is so powerful. Someone make me come, please make me come. Just a few more tokens for me to come for you."

Steve was hesitant, but he decided to go ahead and give you the amount of tokens you needed. And when you heard the chime of the tokens being added to your account, and saw the name it was attached to, it was like a blast of euphoria. When your legs started to shake, when you started to moan and your stomach started to rise up and down, it was genuine. It was like you were back in a private room with him, although you weren't.

Your orgasm was blood-curdling in the best way, and you felt like you were releasing part of the stress of the past day, the past week. It didn't get any realer than this, once again you felt like he was really there to satisfy you.

      "Oh!" you exclaimed, your mouth dropping open and your blood flowing, moaning. "Yes, Steve, I'm coming for you. Thank you for making me come, Steve!"

Steve had been stroking himself along with you as he watched, and only let himself come now that you had come, his cheeks heating up as he heard you moan his name, something he hadn't been expected. Something about you saying his name like that where everyone could hear, even though he enjoyed the intimacy of private rooms, felt victorious. It felt lewd, salacious, but he couldn't help but enjoy that aspect of it. He moaned through grit teeth while he came, stroking himself to completion.

You came down, thanking everyone for attending and ending the show. But it wasn't long after that you had requested Steve for a private chat. He accepted, because he had gotten used to you doing this a little more frequently. It didn't scare him any more, he just thought of it as making conversation, taking advantage of this connection you had with each other. So when you requested, who was he to say no.

When the chat log opened, you put on your best happy face for Steve, trying to conceal how fatigued this week, today in particular, had made you. But your tired, bleak voice gave it all away, buried deep beneath your smile,

    "Hey, Steve."

Steve was surprised at the sound of your voice. Again, while he understood that you wouldn't be a happy go lucky fairy like personality all the time, he wasn't expecting this. You were smiling, but the weariness in your eyes was hard to miss. And your voice, which usually told light hearted tales, sounded worn down as if from tragedy. He was concerned, his eyebrows furrowed gently,

     "Hi. How are you?"

     "I'm good!" you exclaimed, trying your hardest to really sound "good."

But you were just tired. Tired and sad, and scared - scared of what the future had to hold. You were already dealing with school stress, and the text from your ex-boyfriend was like a bad omen, an anxiety-provoking assurance that things actually would not get better and they would in fact get progressively worse. You weren't even sure why you thought you should be talking to Steve if you were tired and just wanted to sleep off the weight of the week. It would be a weekend tomorrow, and one of your very rare days off.

Maybe you figured that you wanted to talk to him despite your fatigue, because conversation with Steve was a nice distraction. You had let yourself forget that this was still your job, and that you were too tired for anything sexual — you knew he liked talking to you, but you hadn't put into consideration the fact that he might request a sexual act from you. You would be burnt out if he did. The fact that you didn't think about that should've been telling, but your brain was too scattered to think straight.

Anyway, Steve called your bluff, and laughed quietly, his voice inquiring and pressing,

      "How are you really?"

That was all it took to get a deep sigh to come from out of you, all it took to allow yourself to show your true feelings, at least the surface of them, what you felt comfortable showing a customer. You felt a sense of relief and gratefulness for Steve, like he was letting you breathe. And if anything, he especially wasn't enlisted to listen to your problems. But he wanted to, and for that you felt foolishly grateful.

    Steve noted the deep sigh that came from out of you, and he frowned slightly. He could tell you had been holding this in for a while, and some part of him felt remorse for the fact that even though you clearly weren't in the right mindset, you went on and did your show anyway. He felt some guilt for being a part of the reason why you did your show.

    You answered, allowing your voice to be as honest as possible.

    "Honestly?" you chuckled a little, albeit bitterly. "I don't know if you really want to hear me rant to you."

Steve shook his head.

    "Don't be silly," he grinned. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."

You felt a warm rush in your chest from the reassurance, and the corner of your lip quirked up in a small smile, before you decided to dive in. You'd spare the emotional details, spare your private life. But it would be nice to talk to someone, just about the general things, right?

    "Well, it's been a pretty stressful week, honestly. I mean, school's been the main source of my stress. My professor's such an asshole, he's basically been telling me my entire senior project, which I need to complete to graduate, needs to be redone? And I can't even fathom how I would have enough time to do that with like, two and a half months left of my senior year. I mean, he said I can keep most details, but I'd have to rework it, whatever that means."

    You kept your emotions at bay, sighing in annoyance just at the story you told, because it really was irritating you. But then you felt deeper things, even more went into why you really were upset.

    Steve nodded, just listening. He was prepared to offer advice, but in your situation, he thought that maybe just letting you rant would be best.

    "That's gotta be annoying," he shook his head understandingly. "Whatever your project is, I'm sure it's wonderful. He shouldn't be forcing you to rework it or make any last minute changes."

    "I know!" you nearly jumped up, feeling amped up now. "And it's just so fucking annoying because I work so hard and I'm really passionate about this project and it just feels like..."

    It felt like you were about to overflow, like a pot of water that had been left on for too long. You were ranting almost uncontrollably now, maybe because of the fact that it was more than this that was tugging at you. Because you'd been carrying the weight of your life on your shoulders all the time, like Atlas carrying the sky, and it felt like that weight was finally starting to mean something.

    Steve could see you were unraveling and he let you, he let you take the time you needed to feel everything you had been holding. If your connection was strong, it was at its strongest here. Sure, you and Steve chatted about a little bit of everything, even had deeper conversations here and there as the weeks went by. But you had yet to genuinely complain to him, because every time you spoke with him, you were happy go lucky Moonrose, with nothing to complain about to begin with. But now, you needed a release by any means, and you were just glad Steve was there for you, even if he wasn't really there. How unlike you to unfold in front of strangers.

   Your breath stuttered as you took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm down, only further driving yourself into your rambling. You felt yourself tear up, your voice becoming watery as you continued,

    "It just feels like all my work is turning to shit, and it's so fucking frustrating because I work so hard all the time, I do so much and I manage so much all the time."

     The "hard work" you were talking about wasn't just school and work-related, it pertained to your journey, and how hard you had worked to be a better person. To support yourself. The emotions pent up inside of you, they were more than just being upset over a school project. The idea of someone toxic trying to re-enter your life, someone who had forced you to rework the entirety of your life, made you feel like you were on the verge of crashing. You knew better, but you didn't want to return to those dark days, where the light at the end of the winding tunnel that was your relationship seemed so far away. It was why you were so weary of relationships today. It was crazy how one person could change your life so easily.

     Now you were crying, before you even noticed that you were crying. Tears just seemed to leak out of your eyes, sloshing wet and sudden against your cheeks and underneath your lashes. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand, frazzled at the fact that you were crying in front of a customer right now. Steve said he'd listen to you, he didn't say he'd watch you cry and be your therapist. You instantly regretted it, although you couldn't stop yourself, tears threatening to emerge again. If you were cracked before, you were spilling now.

    Steve was surprised too, at the fact that you were crying. You appeared so put together to him, it was almost something he didn't expect from you. He was in shock at first, so much so that professionalism was not on his mind - it was an afterthought. Right now, instead of wondering if this was appropriate, he was occupied with you.

    "I'm sorry," you murmured, but you still hadn't stopped, tears falling out as you blinked. Composure was nothing now, you were sobbing, your shoulders slumped and your head hung as you sniffled. Still you enforced control, wiping away every tear that fell with the back of your hand. "I'm really sorry, I don't mean to cry to you over this, that's so-"

Steve cut you off, shaking his head slowly,

    "It's okay to cry, doll. We all have those days. I know better than anyone that we all have those days."

    You mustered a smile, feeling cared for, feeling accounted for by someone who wasn't even obligated to have to see you like this. Still you shook your head, sniffling,

    "I know. But it's-it's stupid, I shouldn't be crying in front of you."

    "I'm not judging you," Steve said, so nonchalantly and firmly, so genuine that it almost scared you.

You blinked. He should've cared, and he should've judged you. To cry in front of Steve, a customer, was to imply he had some duty to comfort you when he probably just wanted a show. You knew that you didn't have to do anything you didn't want to, but even you had rules when it came to what your customers got to see, and to you, that meant they didn't have to deal with your blues.

     "Really?"

     "Really," he reassured you with a nod.

    Was Steve scared that by giving you this reassurance, this entire situation could become deeper than either of you could handle? Yes. But did he let himself shut down because of those pervasive thoughts that he might get himself into trouble? No. He didn't see you as a liability right now. Right now, even though the situation was certainly questionable (and this was something he had no doubt about. When emotions get into the mix, things could get tricky- he knew this), he saw you as someone who desperately needed someone to talk to. Maybe it wasn't smart of you to make him that someone, but regardless, he was, and who was Steve Rogers not to listen to a person in need?

    You blinked away the last of your tears and swallowed hard. You were making this choice consciously, to tell Steve what had really gotten you to your breaking point. And maybe telling him meant you had trust in him, maybe too much trust for someone who, while great, was still a customer. But you felt like there was nothing you could lose from telling him. Maybe you'd even feel better after the fact.

    You looked down, picking at the body glitter on your arm that you had applied before the show. Your voice was considerably quieter now perhaps because you were looking back on the moment with a clear mind for the first time since it happened. You hadn't been thinking straight ever since you received the text just hours ago. Now your brain was a little quieter with the help of your tears and Steve's reassurance.

       "I think that the stress of this school project is making me resent how hard I work for everything, just to be met with this kind of result, you know? And it's even worse when... things seem to be going backwards. You know, like when you make so much progress, moving on from things that don't serve you, and you've finally done it and you get to flourish in it and then, it just gets taken away from you. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but that's just how this feels."

     Steve nodded, his jaw ticking as he let your words settle in. Somehow, although your situation was so different from his, he felt like your words perfectly described how he felt with the world sometimes. It was even part of the reason he'd held off on talking to you like this, held off on getting too involved. He too had made so much progress in this world, which took so much getting adjusted to in a way that absolutely nobody else could relate to.

    It was a world that he didn't even know, a world that he had never been properly introduced to. He'd had to fend for himself. He did his healing on his own, just like you had. And yet sometimes it felt like he had no control, like the universe was going the opposite way of all his plans. Then he felt stupid for even having plans to begin with, because in life, making plans was like comedy for the gods.

    There was a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, like he'd been stabbed with a gutting realization, and the knife was just turning inside of him, churning his insides. He began to feel a sense of unease, because this deep conversation was beginning to feel incredibly personal. Even though you were talking about your own situation, he couldn't help but think about how much he resonated, and the fact that he felt like he could relate to you on such a deep level scared him. This was more than the conversations you'd had before, more than the simple similarities you and Steve shared. This felt like a conversation that might be too telling for his good and your own.

     He swallowed his words as he listened to you continue. You chose your words carefully, but you had shed yourself of your inhibitions when it came to being truthful.

     "Earlier... I heard from someone I hadn't heard from in a long time. And it kind of pushed me over the edge," out of your mouth stumbled a laugh. You were calmer now, and looked up at the camera, Steve swallowing hard when you did so. It was all so real, just like it was when you touched yourself and moaned Steve's name. "I think it just made me feel all those things I just explained. Because I feel like I worked so hard to rid myself of this person and them trying to come back just feels like all the things I worked so hard on are going to unravel. Even though I know they aren't, it feels like a setback. And that was like, the icing on the cake to this already terrible day, I guess."

      You let out a breathy laugh and smiled gently, shaking your head slowly.

     "I normally wouldn't be telling this to a customer. But here we are. Again, I'm sorry... I feel like I shouldn't have said anything? Should I... have said anything?"

In the brief silence that followed your question,  both you and Steve were thinking the same thing - were you going to regret this? Intimacy both physically and emotionally was good when you capped it at what you both knew to be appropriate. When it came to the physical aspects, you each let your fantasies unwind.

    And on the emotional aspect, though you had both grown closer and more open, some things just didn't get touched upon. But now you had just cried over the screen, and spoke from the depths of your heart. It was scary to open up in such an uncertain situation where your own privacy was an aspect that got involved. There was no doubt that it was too much. It was just a question of whether the result would be negative.

     Steve sighed deeply, a crease forming in his forehead as he furrowed his brows together, folding his arms over his chest.

     "I don't know..." he trailed off, took a breath, a leap, his body practically lurching forward. "But... it can't be a bad thing that you feel comfortable talking to me about this, can it?"

      And there it was, that glint of hope he was trying his hardest to conceal. That feeling he got when he got off that call with you, the one where you both started giving into those unspoken thoughts. That this couldn't be so bad, that you could enjoy each other's company without worrying.  

     You smiled gently,

    "I guess. It does feel weird though, it's not something I normally do. It feels like something I shouldn't be doing."

    You could hear Steve breathing in deeply, and for a moment, you imagined what he might look like, envisioning the outline of a troubled face, eyebrows knit together. You snapped back to reality and made a face, confused by your abrupt thoughts. You had long gotten over the very brief desire to see Steve's face- why was it coming back again?

    "I'll be honest, same here," Steve agreed with your sentiments.

    "Do you always feel like you have to restrain what you say when you talk to people? Or is it just with me?" you added that last part in a quiet voice, biting your lip.

Steve chuckled briefly,

      "Are you asking me if I have trust issues? Because I'd tell you, but I'd have to trust you to do that."

You shook your head and laughed at Steve's stupid joke, and shrugged.

     "I could say the same thing, I think. This person I heard from earlier is... I developed those trust issues because of them. Or, my already existent trust issues became worse. But what's funny about it is that this person was once someone that I loved," even as the words were coming out you questioned why you were letting them, why you were allowing yourself to be so truthful in a situation like this at a time when you were so vulnerable.

      Steve didn't reply, again feeling that sick feeling in his stomach that stemmed from his fear. The fear that this conversation were too serious, fear surrounding the fact that he was able to relate so much to such a personal situation of yours.

    You spoke again, daring to ask the question that felt like a final blow to Steve's stomach,

    "Have you ever been in love, Steve?"

Now Steve knew he was in uncharted territory. Not because he feared you might try to exploit him, but because he was so struck by the fact that he had allowed himself to feel so safe with you and get so close to you. He was surprised at himself for letting you feel safe enough to have these kinds of conversations with him. It all felt like a mistake now. He wanted a way out, any way out. He knew if he even attempted to answer that question, he would be making a big mistake. He had shared some of his most intimate moments with you, but always keeping in mind a very sharp line he didn't want to be crossed.

And in his mind, he thought of the one love he'd had, the one love that hadn't been fulfilled because of the situation he had been thrown into, one he had never signed up for. He thought of how the things he cared most for in life had been discarded, how, like you, he felt like it had gone to shit. How sometimes, though he tried his best to be grateful and had taken that journey of self-healing just like you, it all felt like some sick joke.

Could he even call it love? He wasn't sure. And he wasn't going to answer. He wasn't going to answer at all, because he wouldn't be talking to you again. There would be no chance for this dilemma to resurface, not with you, not on this site. He made the decision with haste and a heavy heart - he was done here.

      The discomfort was well evident in his voice, answering loud and clear, though his voice was morose and a bit closed off. You sensed the shift immediately.

     "I... I can't talk about that right now. Listen, I have to go."

    You felt a pang in your chest at the sudden switch in his demeanor, straightening up and trying not to frown. All this time you had been letting the words spill out, telling yourself not to worry so much, reassuring yourself it was okay to make your feelings known. Now it felt like you should've never said anything at all. You started to stammer.

      "Oh, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just... I feel like I got a little overwhelmed." You laughed nervously. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Steve felt his throat ran dry as he blinked, feeling emotions come up to surface that he wasn't quite familiar with. Maybe he was grieving in advance, regretting the decision he was making to no longer speak with you, regretting the fact that he was letting fear get in the way of what he wanted so badly to be a good thing.

    "No, I'm sorry. I feel like I let things go too far," Steve apologized, but the apology felt more like an insult.

Was he implying that whatever this was, you couldn't handle it, and that it was his fault for somehow leading you on? You had both made the connection with each other, it was an equal effort. And why was he acting like the two of you communicating at all was somehow below him, somehow a risk? If anything, you were the one risking it just by talking to him the way you did. You were opening up to him. 

     You almost felt betrayed - you had convinced yourself that he wouldn't want to listen to your problems and you told yourself it wasn't his responsibility to listen. And then he listened anyway, told you that he wanted to hear it, and you cried to him. You felt like you had made so many unusual accommodations just for him to scare off like this. He was just another person you had expressed your feelings to, only to regret it in the end.

    "Too far?" you questioned, furrowing your brows.

Steve swallowed. In your voice he could hear a hint of frustration, but even worse- hurt. It pained him more than he cared for you to know.

    "I don't think we should talk anymore," he said instead.

    "What?" you were taken by surprise. "Steve, I'm... I'm not understanding. I... I don't usually open up to people like this, I mean, I thought maybe it was fine here, because I feel like I know you. But you're still a stranger. I understand you're a customer but I thought we were talking, I thought we broke through that wall-"

    "We did. And we shouldn't have," Steve said, his voice so calm and firm that it was almost cold.

    By now you were just staring into the computer camera, as if you were looking at him and waiting for him to come to his senses. But as you did that, you slowly came to your own. Because you weren't looking at him. You were looking at a black screen with his voice behind it. You realized you hadn't known Steve, not enough to talk about these things. And just like him, you too were full of regret. You kept all those walls up for the sake of customer relations, only to put them down and be met with this disastrous result.

    Steve almost couldn't bare to look at your face anymore. You were confused, hurt. He could tell you regretted the fact that you had opened up. He was hurt too, but he wouldn't show it, or let it overcome him to the point where your methods of communication with each other became something neither of you could control. Still, yes, he was hurt.

    But he had been through plenty of hardships in life. What was one more, even if it shouldn't have come to this point anyway?

    "I'm sorry, Moonrose. We can't. Goodbye."

Chat over.