#i put 0 effort into the colouring and it shows. oh well what can be done

[pfc-nagi]

can I just say @bazpango's lawlight hockey au lives in my head rent free and I really do be thinking about it all the time. new jersey hockey player light yagami you will always be famous to me

[vulpes-z3rda]

SFW Alphabet ~ Nishinoya

A/N: HI HI!! I hope you all enjoy this and i hope the Nishinoya nation are doing okay ^_^

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Have you met this boy? Have you taken him in? Absorbed him and everything about him? Yes? Good. This fucking DUDEEEE, omg. he loves affection. 25/10 on the scale for him tbh. s he around at all?? He needs to be touching you. Whether it be linked pinkies or small pecks on the cheek or hugging you from behind. He needs to be doing it because he wants to show you how much he cares all the time.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

THE BEST OF BEST FRIENDS!!!!! Need to laugh? Bitch he's there. Wanna go on a random adventure that will probably end up with you both having to wear bandages and bandaids for weeks? He's down and ready to go! Movie marathons and being cuddled up together under a blanket? Human reading this, he'll do it.

The friendship started when he was running through the halls being his usual chaotic self and he accidentally ran into you. After you both got up and dusted yourself off you were going to yell at him when he started apologising. Forgiving him you said you'd hoped to see him around and giggled as he very enthusiastically agreed. (he also thought you were really cute and wanted to stick around with you!)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Omg... of course. You don't think he would?? How dare you. That, my good reader, is a war crime of a thought. He isn't really bothered about how the cuddling happens but he much prefers being the little spoon. Being held by you, resting on your chest and just relaxing into your touch is something he loves doing whenever he can. Obviously he'll swap but its like... a surprise when he is the big spoon.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He does want to settle down eventually. Once you're both comfortable with good jobs and a nice home, he'll be sure to settle down with you. For now, though, he just likes talking about your future together and where you think you'll be. Cooking?? Cleaning?? What are those? Please, for the sake of your home, don't let him near the kitchen. He can clean, he just doesn't like it. If you want him to clean you're going to have to make a game out of it. "You'll get a kiss every 10 minutes if you do it." "AHHH OKAY!!"

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I think he would be scared because even though he doesn't love you in that way anymore, he still really cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you. But, he'd be upfront because you deserve that decency and he would make sure that you both stay friends because he still wants you in his life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

We all know he simps. A pure-blooded simp you know? So he simps for you. He's 100% committed to you. He doesn't see anyone else, only you and he is more than happy with that. I feel like he'd propose to you after a few years of dating, like between 2-6 years maybe?? Then you've had time to properly settle together and gotten to know each other inside and out.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He can be gentle but given his chaotic nature, he's probably unintentionally brazen and rough around the edges. But he tries for you because he knows sometimes you just need him to be calm and to be more aware of your emotions so he tries his best.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Absolutely adores hugging you. Adores hugs in general tbh. They happen any chance he gets tbh. You've got your back turned to him because your mum asked you to do the dishes? BACK HUGS TIME!! Talking to him about something? You had best bet this man is going to tackle you in a hug.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Yes, he's affectionate but I feel like he'd wait a bit before he decided he says I love you. He wants to make sure everything between you two is comfortable and completely returned before he commits to it on that level. So I'd say he'd wait about 5-7 months before he says it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

We've all seen how he is about people flirting with Kiyoko and they aren't even dating, so Lord could only imagine. He would probably be by your side at all times and leaving snide comments to the person who is stealing your attention. More on the passive-aggressive side of jealous behaviour.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses can either be softest things or the most passionate things. There is no in-between with him. It all depends on his mood. Preferably, he'd like to kiss you on the lips and neck because he feels like it both shows how much he loves you and shows others your his. He loves to be kissed on the jaw and on the lips for the same reasons. It just screams "we love each other and want y'all to know" in his mind.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Considering he's a big child himself, I'd say he's pretty good with kids. 100% the type of guy to join in on any game to keep them entertained, will tell stories (mainly making you royalty and himself a knight who saves you (Tsukki is a dragon that kidnaps you)), he'll give piggyback rides if they want them and he's just overall ecstatic to be around them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

You have to wake him up most mornings cause this mf is always trying to sleep in. You usually make his fave breakfast and then after that he drags upstairs again to cuddle again. This usually means he's rushing around to get to school and practice while you thought ahead and got ready before he dragged you back.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

SNUGGLES!! He'll make sure that once you've both done you're nightly routines, that you both wrap yourselves up in the bedsheets and just cuddle and talk about your day. His head is on your chest and he presses soft kisses to your collarbone as you sing to him or just play with his hair. Overall, it's just a soft loving experience for you both and he adores it and you all the same.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Give him a few months and that's when he really starts opening up. But, leading up to then he gives little hints about himself and drops little things that you might not have known every now and then. Then all of a sudden, he's saying everything. Every little detail he wants you to know, everything he's feeling and he tells you what he's insecure about because he wants you to know him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I mean... I'd say about average?? It depends on the situation. Someone's flirting with you? 0-100 real quick. Are you just upset about something and taking it out on him? He tries to keep level headed because he doesn't want to get mad at you. Someone making fun of his height? 0.0 well... short people tend to be the scariest and that's all I'm going to say 😌.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

I feel like he's the kind of person who couldn't remember what 2 + 2 is half the time but if someone was like "What pet did y/n have as a kid??" and he'd be right there answering. Or they'd just ask "Hey, do you know y/n's favourite food?" and boom, he's giving a whole recipe on how to make it just how you like it. But on the odd occasion, he's just like "Oh fuck.... what's their favourite colour again??"

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

Your first anniversary. He made sure that he got everything you did on your first date and just sprinkled in little gifts of memories you made leading up to the anniversary. Not gonna lie, he also makes sure you have a nice little at home part of it too, You watch your favourite movies and eat your favourite snacks. This boy just wanted it to be special for you because he wants you to know just how much he cares.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

On a scale of 1-10?? I'd place him at like 9. We've all seen he is about Kiyoko... and she was a CRUSH! So what he'd be like over his s/o?? Jesus lord above. Noya goes ✨ bark bark ✨ when he protects you. Listen, people who flirt with you make Noya go brrrr, you know? *whispering* He likes it when you protect him by mocking or teasing the other person. Your witty remarks? Gold. His brain? Full of serotonin. His face? Basically just a smile. Hotel? Trivago.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

BITCH. Like I said, the effort he put in for your one year?? ✨immaculate✨. Like honestly sometimes your dates are 🌸🍡🍭🌈✨ and then other times they're like ⛓️🖤🔪🥀🩸. But he puts a lot of effort into making sure the date you do fits with your mood. Tired? Stay at home date. Hyper? You go to the beach or park. Chill? Stargazing. Craving stuff? Cafe and restaurant dates. As for everyday tasks... he lacks motivation and usually gets distracted when he starts them however he tries his best to do the things you ask him to do.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He tends to accidentally neglect you for volleyball. Does he mean to? No, but the boy struggles to prioritise for god's sake. (After Suga talks to him he tries to be better at it but sometimes he still falls into it). HE ALSO LEAVES DIRTY CLOTHES EVERYWHERE BUT WHAT TEEN DOESN'T??

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Averagely concerned. The blonde in his hair is fading?? Asks you to redo it for him. It's his signature look and he demands to be a standout libero. Just wants to be able to be noticed by something outside of his skills ig.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

IUYTRESXDFGHJK MAAM/SIR/HOOMAN. This puppy of a boy would practically d i e without you by his side. He doesn't care whether he has you in his life as his s/o or his friend. He just knows he needs you to be in his life. periodt 💅.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He likes climbing trees but half the time he gets stuck and has to jump out meaning you're at the bottom catching him-

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

Doesn't really like it when someone easily gives up on their goals. He knows if you've seen yourself being able to do it, then you can. But if you give up super quickly?? He's gonna be disappointed.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

HE CLINGS TO YOU LIKE A KOALA BEAR!!! Hear me out, baby boy just wants to be close to the person he loves and so this lead to him holding onto you while you both sleep!

[indigobluedreams]

🔫🍴🌲👕🎉💬 (rnm-magic-space-rxd)

Thanks @rnm-magic-space-xsd , I appreciate all the ask stuff cause these were fun and interesting to write!!!! Cause it made me actually think about stuff I hadn't before ':0 I didn't expect so many from one person either so uh, Yeah. Even BIGGER thanks for that. Remember your f/os love you!! ':))

🔫: Who is more likely to start a water gun/water balloon fight?

 With Ryoma, As far as water fights go, I’d say I’m definitely more likely to start one. It wouldn’t end well for me though. I’d start it by like, hitting him once. Then everything from then on travels at the speed of light and I’m drenched. I still got a w a y s t o g o in beating Ryoma in a water fight. But it’s the fun that counts, And I’m definitely up for that! Maybe I’d have a small chance at being able to avoid it, considering I was pretty good at dodgeball when I played that. But overall, I'm soaked and he's looking all smug. 

With Teruteru, It could honestly go either way. I can see him starting a water fight because, in one sentance, He go 👁👁. But his plan will only succeed if he hits me. Which I HIGHLY doubt would work because I’m super good at not getting hit, Going off how good I was at dodgeball. I couldn’t throw for shit but when it comes to avoiding them, I’m golden. I’d most likely start it for fun, which would lead him to going along with it, both for fun and my other point on why he’d start it.

🍴: Which one of you cooks for the other?

Teruteru, Hanamura: The ultimate Cook or as he’d prefer, chef. He’d definitely cook a buncha stuff for me and it’s always good quality because WOW HE’S THE ULTIMATE CHEF!! THAT'S SO GOOD!!! I mean, I’d try to do the same and I’ve been told I’m decent but it wouldn’t be up to his standards. I’d still try though!! If he’s willing to put in so much effort to cook for me, I would love to return the favour!! 

Ryoma, Considering he was in prison for a presumably long time, I'd assume he’s either forgotten how to make food or just hasn’t had quality stuff in ages. I don’t see the prison food being that good, So I would take it upon myself to make him anything and everything I can. Introduce him to the wonders that is good food and I’d LIVE for every little time his eyes light up because he tasted something he REALLY liked! Let me tell you, I'd cry SO HARD. 

🌲: What outdoor activity do you like doing with your f/o?

I’m not an outdoorsy person. I spend many a night indoors and hiding away from the outside world. So Ryoma would definitely drag me out to do outdoorsy things with him. I’m not complaining though, I enjoy all the time I get to spend with him! I’d say my personal favourite however isssssss, you guessed it, TENNIS! I don’t enjoy sports all that much. But seeing Ryoma so happy and enjoying himself? LIKE HE DESERVES? Bruh. Of course I’m over the moon having fun because he is. I love seeing people so passionate about their interests and talents. So seeing Ryoma, Eevn if it’s only for a moment, let himself be genuinely happy. That’s the best outdoors activity in the world to me. 

I don’t see Teru being too much of an outdoorsy person either, Aside from most likely going down to a farmers market. I always thought those were super cool! He’d probably get all invested in the nice ingredients then show me how to tell what's the best and watching him ramble on about WHY this one apple is better than the because of the colour or something, just makes me feel all brrrrrr cause he not only trusts me with this but he’s enjoying himself! But if that doesn’t count as an outdoorsy activity. I guess just going on walks, Like we just vibe on walks and talk about whatever. Being able to just talk makes me really happy so if I can’t choose the farmer’s market as an activity, Definitely would go with walking!!!

But overall I’d be happy to do any sorta outdoors activity, As long as it isn’t skiing. I’ve had a bad experience with it so anything but that

 

👕: Who borrows the others hoodies/clothing?

Okay SO I may or may not take his clothes. They’re always baggy, or atleast baggier than what I usually wear since I don’t feel too comfortable in skin tight clothing / showing my body off in general. So yeah, I probably steal his clothes but I imagine he’d do it too. Like we’d just have mutual “ you wanna borrow this in exchange for [ insert article of clothing ] “. That's what happens. Also us both doing that fond smile when the other sleeping walking into the room wearing the others clothes. I would honestly LIVE for that and that alone.

Ryoma? It’s kinda hard to borrow his clothes. Cause y’know, He’s like 3’5'' tall… So I hardly believe anything but his hat would fit me. I don’t see him letting me borrow it too often, But when he does It makes me mega happy! And he probably thinks I look nice. I’d let him borrow pretty much all my clothes but he probably wouldn’t want anything?? At Least not that I can think of beside my hat. We do mutual hat trades if he's up for it, and when he is? Poggers.  

🎉: Do you and your f/o have any holidays in particular you like to celebrate? What do you do together to make it special?

Uh, Ryoma isn't much for celebrating. So most holidays we'd probably just chill inside and do whatever we can together. However, I feel like he'd love Valentine's day!! Like I wanna set up a cute romantic dinner date at home, Unveil it to him and when I see that smile? That one in a million smile? That's all I need. And that alone, Makes the holiday special!!! Then we'd enjoy ourselves and I'd let Ryoma pick what we'd do next and we'd have a blast. I'd get him to enjoy himself like he rightfully deserves and just,,,, yes. 

 Hmmm, I feel like when it comes to holidays, Teru and I would be most interested in either halloween or Valentines. I love spooky shit, anything unexplained or unsolved is always super fun. I also enjoy costumes while Teru would also be interested in costumes for a /different/ reason. You can probably figure out yourself. But it also lets him make a buncha spooky themed treats to hand out to friends and trick or treaters!! Valentine's day is just us… being stupid feral romantic. Like we're doing stupid cliché couple things cause Teru said " We're doing this ". It makes me feel all fuzzy so, I mean, Yeah it's real special to me and I think it would be for him too!!!

 

💬: Are there any specific pet names you or your f/o uses?

I use Babe, Honey and Sweetheart for both of them, those are just my default affectionate nicknames. But I do have individual ones for each of them!!!! 

I can't think of anything they'd call me. I kinda feel weird thinking about affectionate pet names they would give me?? That and also I can't see myself being referred by pet names because I don't know??? I guess I don't feel like I deserve a sorta term of endearment lol. 

Oh! I have a bunch for Teru. I, uh, Sometimes call him Teddy bear / Teddy ( Teru Bear if I'm feeling punny. ) because he’s all cuddly and cute like one, I could hug and snuggle him for hours on end. I also call him Romeo and Casanova due to the romantic connotations and I think they fit him well! Teru is just like, A world renowned nickname for him so I don't feel like I need to list it but uh, Just in case!

For Ryoma, Ace and Love cause I think those are kinda funny, cause they’re tennis terms. NO I’m not creative nor should I be encouraged please stop me. But I also call him kitten from time to time, This is the one I go with if I'm trying to fluster his ass and can't lie, My favourite. Cause he's all small and cute, Plus with that hat he looks like a cat. Therefore kitten. And that's adorable!!!

[imperfekti]

Tenipuri Party: Tezuka Kunimitsu profile translation

TN:

In the absence of an official English version, this translation is intended to help those who can’t read the material in the original language. Please support Tenipuri by getting your own copy of this book - it is worth it! There are various ways of purchasing it even for those not living in or visiting Japan.

The pictures I have included in this post do not show full pages.

On the translation: this time I’m aiming for a more direct, “Japanese-sounding” translation to share the mood of the content more as it is. This will probably cause some sentences to appear weird in English.

On Tezuka’s style of speech: his word choices and sentence structures are mostly polite and serious.

I’m still working on Japanese, so there might be mistakes. Please let me know if you spot any translation errors so I can fix them here!

Tezuka Kunimitsu

U-17 German representative player Seishun Gakuen Middle-school player

Beyond the imagined future - the released challenger!!

Message

“For the support every day, I’m grateful. For the sake of becoming a professional, and for the sake of my tennis, I intend to earnestly keep confronting myself. I think you are the same. In the future as well, together. Let’s go without carelessness.”

Extra prize: A voucher for two at a high-class mountaintop hotel “An undeserved honor. I’m focusing on tennis right now, but… If I can make the time, I will gratefully use it. For two, huh…”

Profile

[DATA] Middle-school 3rd year / October 7th (Libra) / Blood type O / 179 cm / 58 → 61 kg / Left-handed

Special techniques: Drop shot, zero shiki drop shot, Muga no kyouchi, Hyakuren jitoku no kiwami, Saiki kanpatsu no kiwami, Tenimuhou no kiwami, Tezuka zone, Tezuka phantom, Zero shiki serve

Playstyle: All-rounder

Family: Grandfather, father, mother

Father’s occupation: company employee (business) (grandfather is a judo instructor for the police)

Hobbies: Mountain climbing, camping, fishing

Favourite saying: The enemy is within yourself

Favourite color: Green or blue

Favourite food: unacha (a dish with eel carefully broiled in soy-based sauce), Räucheraal (TN: smoked eel)

Favourite book: German-Japanese-German dictionary (to carry with him)

Favourite music: Classical (Beethoven)

Preferred type of person: Trying not to think about it at the moment.

Preferred date spot: Zugspitze

Most wanted item: A mountain model kit

Things he’s bad at/with: Being idle, colourful cakes

Elementary school: Seishun Dai Daiichi Elementary School

Committee: Student council president

Strong subjects: World history

Weak subjects: None

Often visited place in school: The library

Uses allowance on: Books

Skill outside tennis: Woodworking, preparing fish for cooking

Routine during tournament: Keeping a diary in German, watching foreign comedy-dramas.

Favourite anniversary: 23rd August

Preferred travel destination: Macchu Picchu ruins and Huayna Picchu

Present for a special person: Writing a letter of gratitude

Scenes

Injuries, seizing the nationals… Tezuka Kunimitsu overcame numerous challenges that waited for him and seized glory. But he is not a man who would be satisfied with that. From now on too, I want to pay attention to the steep path of him who moved over to Germany.

(Quotes on pictures:)

“I will not lose.”

“Saiki kanpatsu no kiwami!?”

“And then Seigaku’s era will begin once again!”

“Now, let’s go without carelessness.”

Indeed, it should perhaps be called a “Tezuka zone”.

“Hyakuren jitoku no kiwami!?”

This boy’s tennis is certainly Ten’imuhou no kiwami!?

“No matter who I will end up fighting… I will win!”

The German representatives’ strained atmosphere connects to rapid development (*1)

Tezuka-senshu (*2) becoming a German representative was a shock. Did you not have worries about this decision?

If I said no, it would be a lie. However, as to what is important for me as someone aiming to become a professional, I judged it to be fighting as a German representative and based my decision on that.

Specifically, the currently important thing for Tezuka-senshu is…?

Most of all, it is actual experience of fighting at a higher level. At the German training centre, I have the fortunate chance to rally with top pros like Volk-senshu. Even in practice, they are always making hypotheses as to which shot they should hit, what kind of a play they should make in any kind of match circumstances when they are standing on the court. Having put myself in such a strained atmosphere, I can truly feel my level of experience rising rapidly.

Any bewilderment at facing your former comrades…?

Whoever will become my opponent will not be a problem. But, at first, I thought I was feeling sorry. However, at the time of fighting Japan in the exhibition match, I came to realise my heart was throbbing about competing against them. But just fighting as sworn friends, it is not to elevate ourselves. Rather, by putting a net in-between and confronting each other, the light can come from a new angle and hasten growth - that is what I believe right now.

Then, what is Tezuka-senshu’s current objective or dream?

Upon seizing the world, to hold up the flag of Germany that showed in me, a foreigner. If the opponent for that match were to be Japan, there would not be higher joy.

In a well-ordered and non-negligent environment, pleasant days go on

Have you already grown accustomed to life in Germany?

Yes. Everything proceeds very systematically, so in that sense, it sometimes feels like it is actually even more pleasant than in Japan.

What things for example are like that?

Everyone is already gathered around 15 minutes before the set meeting time. The notion of ecology is growing, so most customers carry eco bags for their shopping, and the separation of waste is enforced thoroughly. Everything is done logically, and it’s an environment without negligence.

I see. It suits the serious Tezuka-senshu perfectly. Then, how do you spend your days off?

Touring antiquarian bookshops is currently my biggest enjoyment. From Goethe to Ende, I have been able to acquire several original texts that I couldn’t in Japan. Also, when time and money allow, I try to go to classical concerts.

What about the German language?

The German language too is a very systematic and logical language. There are very few exceptions, as long as one memorises the basic grammar and idioms, it is quite effective to use. Of course I still lack study, and there are many points where I lack experience, but words are not the only means of communication. Rather, sometimes it is facial expressions that speak more eloquently.

Facial expressions…?

Yes. Facial expressions.

Message for Tezuka Kunimitsu

As expected… should I say. Congratulations. (Inui)

YEEES! CONGRATULATIONS!! (Kawamura)

You should still be able to grow one rank higher. Put effort into your training. (Volk)

I will definitely not forget the thing that you taught me. Let’s meet on the court. (Fuji)

I’m glad you seem to be doing well in Germany too. Eat your meals properly! (Ooishi)

Tezuka-buchou-senpai, congratulations. We are protecting Seigaku. (Kaidou)

I’ll win one day, both in popularity and tennis! (Momoshiro)

You’re not planning on ending it at this? I’m waiting for the next opportunity to fight you. (Atobe)

Congratulatioons. But I’ll overcome you soon. (Echizen)

Are you doing well Tezuka? Send something tasty from Germany! (Kikumaru)

This guy is in 4th place!? Gimme a break! You can go higher than that! (Siegfried)

Party talk

Q: Who would you like to inform about this time’s rank and feelings? A: My family. My grandfather too is always supporting me.

Q: You are being served a lot of food. A: Ooishi. I’m grateful, but it’s already enough. I’m eating sufficiently… I tasted Japanese unacha for the first time in a while.

Q: You can also take part in an improvisation skit competition. A: … No, thank you. I was able to enjoy it quite a lot just by watching.

Q: You got excited with Bismarck-san, though... A: … I was merely unilaterally lectured about how to flirt with women.

Q: Who did you come to the venue with today? A: With the German representative senpai. In addition to training, we measured the time and ran to the venue.

Q: Oh? Is there something the matter with Echizen-kun? A: No. I just thought he seems to have gained experience and grown somewhat.

History

Age 0 October 7 Birth

Age 5 Makes a mistake in dance moves in a kindergarten’s play

Age 10 June Climbs Switzerland's Matterhorn with his father

Age 11 Summer Meets Yukimura and Sanada after the Jr. Tournament, has a match Goes fishing with grandfather, catches a sea bream

Age 12 March Graduates from Seishun Dai Daiichi Elementary School

April Enters Seishun Gakuen Middle School Is hit on the elbow with a racket by a senpai in the tennis club Is told to become "Seigaku's pillar of support" by Yamato

Age 13 November Displays a sketch of mountain grass in the culture festival

January Goes to the first shrine visit of New Year with the club’s 1st year members, makes a vow of conquering the nationals

April Becomes a 2nd year Becomes the vice captain of the tennis club

June Participates in a bread eating race in an athletic festivals, places second

September Gets lots of recommendation letters and becomes the student council president

Age 14 Declines the Jr. Senbatsu invitation Around autumn Has an uncomfortable feeling in his arm

October On the field trip (Taiwan), buys tea utensils for souvenirs

November At the Allied music festival (*3) , participates in the class chorus as a musical conductor

February For the first time in his life, forgets something

April Becomes a 3rd year Becomes the captain of the tennis club

May Wins Tokyo preliminaries championship Is mistaken for a teacher at Kawamura Sushi Has a match with Ryoma on courts underneath the railway

June Wins prefecturals championship Declines offer from the special overseas JFH program Goes to the drawings for the Kantou tournament

July Is invited to Hyoutei’s opera appreciation party as the student council president but declines Start of Kantou tournament In the first round against Hyoutei, loses to Atobe in S1 Goes to Kyuushuu for rehabilitation

July 27 Wins Kantou tournament championship

August 14 Drawing for the nationals, returns from Kyuushuu

August 17 Start of nationals Faces Higa in the 2nd round, wins against Kite in S1

August 19 Quarterfinals against Hyoutei, wins against Kabaji in S2 Semifinals against Shitenhouji, wins against the Chitose-Zaizen pair in D2 Yakiniku battle, is one of the last members remaining

August 23 Finals against Rikkai, loses to Sanada in S3   Wins nationals championship Goes to the victory celebration at Kawamura Sushi

Age 15 (*4) September Is invited to Rikkai’s ocean festival, makes guest participation in a play

October 12 Climbs Kitadake with father

November Participates in U-17 camp Wins against Kaidou in the “friendly fire” matches Learns about a fishing mobile game from Marui and Kirihara In the court shuffle between 3rd and 5th court, wins against Yamato Abandons the match against Fuji midway, departs for Germany Aiming to become professional, participates in the German representative team

December Participates in the U-17 Pre-World Cup drawings U-17 Pre-World Cup starts In Vs Japan, wins against Irie-Atobe pair in the second match U-17 World Cup starts Is drawn into a fight about food by Siegfried, eats Japanese food together Wins against South Africa and Canada

Plan

(Pictured: two documents of mountain climbing plans, including itinerary, packing list and map.)

“This is from when me and father climbed during consecutive holidays. When climbing mountains, let’s make plans properly and climb without carelessness.”

Fashion

It seems he didn’t bring much clothing with him from Japan. I will give you something next time. (Volk)

With Kunimitsu’s hair style, clothes from any country would suit him. (QP)

Wearing clothes you received just like that. That’s like you. (Fuji)

Whether the person in question is aware of it or not, wearing a waistcloth is quite stylish. (Kite)

“I am not a person who is particular about clothes, but only when it comes to shoes, I make it so that I can play tennis in them.”

Room

Bedroom of the room I’m staying in in Germany There’s only bare minimums like the bed and desk that were part of the furnishings. But I’m thankful that letters and daily necessities have been delivered from Japan. Overall, I like the things made from wood and seeing the townscape from the window.

TN:

*1 張り詰めた, haritsumeta. Strained, stretched, tense. Not strained in the sense of anxious or having problems. It seems more like everyone is ambitious and focused.

*2 選手, senshu: player, athlete. I chose to leave this as it is since the interviewer uses it all the time as an honorific, and couldn’t figure out a natural expression in English.

*3 連合音楽会, rengou ongaku kai. This seems to be some kind of an annual music event that at least schools participate into.

*4 It seems like a mistake that age 15 is placed at September, not October.

[wtfzodiacsigns]

How the signs express their emotions

Look at your moon sign.

Aries: You’re impulsive. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend to put your heart in everything. That’s something you want to hang onto. Your passion is what makes you unique and when it comes to relationships (platonic/familial/romantic) you give 100%. In arguments and fights, you can get explosive and may even resort to violence. Honestly, this is all Mars’s fault. When it comes to good news, you may become animated and loud (almost childlike) - wanting to let the whole world know just how happy you are. When in love, you can get quite intense and dedicate a lot of your time to your significant other. Try to think before you say things you’ll regret as not everyone is as forgiving as you.

Taurus: You’re grounded. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend not to provide much of a reaction at all. Your thoughts and feelings mostly stay in your mind, unless the situation is out of control and there’s a lot at stake. You prefer to understand what you’re feeling and process them before acting. But the bull inside you will come out eventually if you bottle up your emotions for too long. This can be as explosive as Aries, if not more. And the slightest thing might trigger it. In arguments and fights, you can become quite brutal. When it comes to good news, you might prefer to be a bit more muted but it’ll be obvious how happy you are given your expressions of joy. When in love, that Venusian aspect of you is at home and your love for your partner is there for the whole world to see. Try to air out your issues before they become too significant. Maybe instead of the bull, we’ll get the better-tempered calf.

Gemini: You’re robotic. It’s not that you don’t feel emotions, you just prefer not to. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you’ll be quite relaxed and nonchalant. You prefer things that can be analysed logically rather than dealt with emotionally. In arguments and fights, you’ll most likely debate and give out witty remarks rather than get violent. Maybe even turn it into a joke. Mercury is responsible for this. When it comes to good news, you can get quite giddy and excited. So many ideas start swimming in that mind of yours that never seems to stop whirring. But there’s also a distance there, like you’re already thinking about the negatives. When in love, you become innocent and nervous. Anxiety can be an issue. Try not to overthink so much and just be in the moment. Emotions aren’t meant to be scary, as long as you know how to deal with them.

Cancer: You’re empathetic. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you prefer to keep things on the inside and deal with them when you’re on your own. You like to retreat in your shell (home) where you feel safe and comfortable. In arguments and fights, you can become quite manipulative because of your emotional intelligence. You might shift the blame onto the other person and have a tendency to hold grudges. When it comes to good news, you feel whole and sincere like everything is lined up perfectly. Sometimes joy will get you emotional just as much as sadness will. When in love, you offer it unconditionally. This is where the nurturing Moon comes into play. You love taking care of your significant other. Try to let go of things and be a bit more easygoing. Maybe then will you realise that you don’t need to retreat so often.

Leo: You’re dramatic. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you want the whole world to know how you’re feeling. This is because of the pride you have in everything that you do. Blame the Sun for this. In arguments and fights, you may resort to putting the opposition down by pointing out their insecurities. Your pride will enable you to see others as inferior and you may not even care to argue with them at all, preferring not to waste your time. When it comes to good news, you’ll want to show off to everyone. You enjoy the chance to show off your achievements especially to the people who doubted you. When in love, it’s a spectacle. Your affection knows no limits and your significant other will never be bored. Try to come back down to earth every once in a while so you can appreciate the things that really matter.

Virgo: You’re critical. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend to over-analyse everything. This is due to Mercury and causes you to be extremely self-aware. In arguments and fights, you will point out all the faults in the other person with receipts to back it up. You definitely come prepared. When it comes to good news, you can enjoy it for a little while before a sense of dread settles in and then it’s back to reality. You worry about your happiness being taken away, not realising that that in itself is what causes it to go in the first place. When in love, much like Gemini, you become nervous. Butterflies occupy your stomach and you see your significant other as this incredible being, even you not able to criticise them. Try to enjoy what’s been given to you and understand that the idea of things being perfect is nonexistent.

Libra: You’re objective. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you prefer seeing both sides of the story before making any judgement. In arguments and fights, you tend to avoid them altogether. You see no sense in confrontation and want things to be peaceful and harmonious all of the time. This is where Venus comes in. When it comes to good news, you feel complete and that everything is right in the world. You stay rational and weigh out the pros and cons though. You are an air sign after all. When in love, you see things through rose-coloured glasses and can get a little superficial. You’re romantic and flirty and will want to shower your partner with love. Try to come to terms with the fact that not everything on this earth is beautiful and that ugliness exists. Don’t let that get in the way of your positivity though, the thing about Libra is balance.

Scorpio: You’re intense. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you feel things deeply. But you’re complex so you also seem detached. You manage to see into other people’s souls and for that reason can become greatly affected by the actions of others. In arguments and fights, you know just what to say to make the other person feel awful. You’re deadly, there’s no denying that. When it comes to good news, you prefer to be happy with your closest friends. The ones who know the softer side to you. When in love, intimacy is extremely important and you value sex and affection. You can become possessive and protective, craving a relationship that’s more of an experience rather than a fling. Try not to take things to heart too much and find a middle ground for you to express yourself. There are numbers between 0 and 100 you know.

Sagittarius: You’re lighthearted. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend to let things go quite easily and are able to move on without too much hassle. This is because you’re the student and you believe that mistakes must be made for you to move forward. In arguments and fights, it’s easy for you to lose control a little bit and say things you’ll regret. You’re charm will come in handy as a tool for apologising though as your anger subsides quickly. When it comes to good news, you become playful and charismatic. You want to hang out with the people that you care about and live in the moment. When in love, you offer your partner freedom and seek a relationship that is a journey. One where the both of you grow and change together. Try not to get too riled up as your charm won’t always work when you say something hurtful.

Capricorn: You’re realistic. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you seem to know the minimum effort required in a situation. You need the extra energy for the stuff that’s really important. Or at least important to you (aspirations). The Saturn in you makes you great at managing your discipline and resources. In arguments and fights, you only get involved if it’s really worth your time. You will command your authority and state point by point why the other person is wrong and you are right. When it comes to good news, you deal with it accordingly as if it were another task. When in love, you’re easily content and are very reliable as long as they are ok with you pursuing your goals. PDA is not something you’re a fan of. Try to enjoy yourself a little more and give yourself time to breathe and take a break. You won’t regret it I promise.

Aquarius: You’re aloof. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you seem to be surrounded by a bubble with not much being able to get through to you. Not a lot of things affect you and that’s because you’re focused on the bigger picture. In arguments and fights, you don’t even bother as they’re a waste of your brainpower. You might just point out calmly why you think the other person is an idiot using vocabulary they’re probably not familiar with. Oh well. You don’t feel anger that much so it’s hard to get under your skin. When it comes to good news, you’re more than happy to go out with your closest friends and chat about topics that interest you. Being yourself keeps you healthy. When in love, you like to be independent and prefer to treat your partner as a friend. Romance is not something you care for. Try to be a bit more in tune with your feelings instead of observing everything from afar. It’s good to immerse yourself and experience things firsthand.

Pisces: You’re intuitive. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you are able to portray a vast amount of emotions all at once. This all depends on your environment and who you’re with. Your natural psychic abilities keep you in tune with other people’s feelings and you take them on as your own. In arguments and fights, you tend to avoid them as much as possible. You believe that violence and unpleasant conversations won’t solve anything. When it comes to good news, you become this innocent child - beaming and radiant. Everything is ok and you feel positive. When in love, you put your significant other on a pedestal and can sacrifice a lot for your relationship if you feel like it is worth saving. Try to remove yourself from situations and stop letting other people’s problems affect you so much.

Source: thatpiscesfish

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Six (31.57% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

Entertaining, but overrated.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Though Nebula and Gamora trade a couple of lines on a few occasions, they invariably speak about either Thanos, or Ronan. 

Female characters:

Meredith Quill.

Bereet.

Nebula.

Gamora.

Carina.

Nova Prime.

Male characters:

Mr Quill.

Peter Quill.

Yondu Udonta.

Ronan.

Korath.

Rocket.

Groot.

The Broker.

Drax.

Thanos.

The Collector.

Denarian Saal.

Denarian Dey.

OTHER NOTES:

Seatbelts on spaceships should really be mandatory.

Aahahahaha Peter has a woman on his ship whose name he can’t remember and whom he forgot was even there! Oh, it’s so funny and charming! What a classic misogynistic cliche intro! Garbage.

Rocket chastises Groot to ‘learn genders’, and I don’t think the irony of a raccoon (a species with almost no visually-evident sexual dimorphism) saying that to a tree-person (whose species - if sexually dimorphic at all - certainly has no reason to adhere to the humanoid/mammalian model) is deliberate. The other alien higher-life-forms they encounter in the film are pretty uniformly human in appearance (not much effort going on in the ‘alien’ department besides just painting people in bright colours), but lack of imagination from the creative team doesn’t mean that the binary gender system we’re accustomed to on Earth has any broad bearing on the galaxy at large. 

Aaahh, and now Peter is explaining his scars to Drax, with lovely stories of women he cheated on in the past because he’s ~such a stud~.

Thanos tells Ronan off for his dull political raging and whiny behaviour, but he’s sitting on a shiny floating throne himself, so I’m not sure he’s earned the right to criticise what other people have got going on.

Rocket suggests that Gamora trade sexual favours to get things from other prisoners, because we’re being Like That with this movie.

The Collector keeps female slave ‘assistants’, whom he evidently treats so nicely that Carina commits suicide by infinity stone at the first opportunity in order to escape him. We’re just doing so well for the ladies in this film.

As a great comedic beat, Drax calls Gamora a “green whore”. It’s both a shitty line, and nonsensical, since Drax isn’t supposed to comprehend metaphors and he has no reason to believe Gamora is a literal ‘whore’ (nor is he likely to use such a colloquial term, considering the calibre of his standard vocabulary). Basically, it’s a rubbish line from every angle, and all in service of a misogynistic joke. 

This film is a terrible waste of Djimon Hounsou.

Ronan is very theatrically over-the-top in his pronouncements, but Lee Pace does his damnedest to make it work on delivery.

Why does Ronan’s flashy purple infinity stone weapon not kill people when he shoots them with its energy blast? Obviously it would be terribly inconvenient to the story if he just casually killed all the good guys, but honestly. It doesn’t make much sense. They coulda at least pretended there was a reason.

The part of me that is susceptible to acts of heroism is affected by the guardians all joining hands to share the stone’s power. Not enough to feel that the film or the character relationships actually connected on an emotional level, but enough that this ending doesn’t feel totally unearned.

Drax patting Rocket’s head while he’s crying over Groot is a lovely touch. THAT is the strongest character interaction of the film.

So. I’ll be honest: I don’t like this movie. I don’t think it works. I think it’s essentially just a string of gimmicks, loosely attached, entertaining enough on the surface but with no meaningful depth to hold in the mind or keep the audience engaged once the credits kick in (it’s also much heavier on the sexist tropes than any other MCU film previous). I don’t hate it, but it doesn’t give me anything that I value in a viewing experience, it just happens and then ends and that’s it. And the reason it doesn’t work is, frankly, the writing is lazy as shit. It makes a sub-par effort at establishing character and thus relies heavily on cliches, it rarely bothers to incorporate relevant plot and motivations and such into the story at early points in order to generate narrative pay-off, and the world-building is hazy at best and, like the characterisation, trades predominantly on expectation of stereotypes rather than actually creating anything original.

Let’s start in the obvious place: with our lead character. I’m tempted to just say ‘Peter Quill is garbage’ and then move on, because it’s true and also, he’s just not complex or interesting at all, which is ridiculous because he’s got that whole ‘alien abduction’ origin story and there should be like, literally any layers at all to his story instead of him just being an obnoxious Lothario who makes pop culture references like that counts as having a personality. But, here we are. I’m not familiar with the comics so I don’t know if this is a common complaint from fans who can’t believe their boy got all his nuances deleted in favour of such an inane cliche, but if this is exactly what Quill is like in the comics too? That’s no excuse. Part of the magic of adaptation is the opportunity to improve upon things the source material did wrongly or badly. The Quill we’ve got here in this movie is such a bland template he’s almost functionally useless; he barely impacts the story at all, especially in any way that is relevant to his personality or skills and necessitates his presence (the dance-off distraction is the only good Quill moment, and it’s also one of the few inspired choices in the whole film). At the end of the day, Quill exists so that the story has a Main Guy, being a straight white American male (and making sure we all, excessively, know about it), because God forbid we be expected to identify with anyone else. I have heard people sing the praises of the film for ‘subverting cliche’ by not having Quill and Gamora actively hook up by the end, as if that somehow makes it better that every single other aspect of that tedious forced romance plot is still squarely in place and set to play out in future films (pro tip: if the main guy still ‘gets the girl’, only it doesn’t happen in the first film, that’s not subversive. That’s still playing the trope dead-straight). Quill not immediately being shown to be rewarded with sex is not some incredible feat of original storytelling, and it certainly doesn’t absolve him of being a dime-a-dozen pig of a character. If that’s the most ‘unexpected’ character element you can cite, you’re in dire straits. 

Now, I’m not gonna talk about every character individually, because in most cases there’s not much to talk about; Drax is the big warrior guy with the Fridged Family backstory we’ve seen so many times before it elicits zero (0) emotions now; Groot - though an interesting idea on paper - is basically just a Deus Ex Machina of whatever ability is most useful at any given moment, too ill-defined to have boundaries to his powers and conveniently not using his full potential whenever it would allow the characters to win too easily; and Rocket, well, Rocket is actually the only one of the leads who manages any meaningful nuance, which is unfortunate because most of the time he’s just used for sarcastic comic relief. The other character I am going to talk about is Gamora, and it’s because she’s a prime example of how this movie fails to establish things so that they feel like they actually matter or the character’s motivations are understandable, etc. We are introduced to Gamora when she overrides Ronan’s order for Nebula to retrieve the orb from Xandar; as it turns out, Gamora’s introductory moment (literally the first time we see her or hear her speak) is also her act of rebellion when she puts into action her plan to escape Thanos’ clutches and go her own way. The problem, obviously, is this is her introduction. We’ve never seen this character before, we’ve only just met Ronan and Nebula as well, Thanos is barely more than a concept, as is the planet Xandar and the politics around it. Nothing has been established yet about the life that Gamora occupies, so her ploy to escape it? Meaningless. We don’t even find out that Gamora was not planning to retrieve the orb for Ronan until she tells us so after she’s been arrested, and we have literally no reason to believe her because we don’t know her yet because her character has not been established at all. The traditional way to do this would be to show her in her old life, doing as she’s told and/or witnessing terrible things being done by her compatriots, and showing the audience that she has clear misgivings so that when she turns, we understand the context and can believe that’s a logical character decision based on established personality and morals (think of Finn’s introduction in The Force Awakens for a textbook example). Because no time or effort is ever invested in establishing who or how Gamora is, everything we know is delivered to us directly in dialogue, all tell, no show, and what could easily have been the film’s most dynamic character is instead hampered by having her development choked off to avoid spending time on letting her origins matter (despite the fact that those origins are essential to the plot).

On which note, lets talk bad guys. Thanos first, because there’s not much to say, and that’s not a good thing: Thanos is actually pointless to this film, the only reason he’s there is so that the MCU can use him to actual purpose in later films and his relation to Gamora and Nebula and the hunt for the Infinity Stones needs to be established first, but as with everything else this movie is terrible at establishing things effectively. Consequently, Thanos...just floats around on a chair, and then Ronan tells him to piss off and we don’t see or hear from him again in the rest of the film, and there’s no real effort made to integrate Thanos into the story so that he seems like anything other than a dead-end subplot cluttering up the movie for no reason. The closest Thanos gets to anything notable is when he chides Ronan for his boring politics, but even that is symptomatic of the wider problem with this movie’s lazy writing: Ronan’s whole character is essentially just another dull archetype - in this case, the extremist villain - and a solid nothing at all is done to establish his politics or what they mean, other than death for the people we’re told are the innocents. This is a problem with the world-building of the film as a whole, because none of the galaxy’s politics is fleshed out, there’s no context to why the Kree have a problem with Xandar or why we should care, and Xandar kinda gets treated like the centre of the universe but it also seems that’s just for convenience sake so that the plot can return to a previous location for the final act. Hell, I haven’t the faintest fucking idea where Earth is supposed to fit in to all of this, other characters talk about it so it’s clearly a known quantity to the rest of the galaxy, and yet no one knows any details about it and Quill never bothered to go back there for reasons which really SHOULD be explored and yet are not even mentioned (that would seem like some of that characterisation he doesn’t have), so I don’t know what we’re supposed to interpret from that. I’m not confident that the creative powers bothered to think about it, considering how much they didn’t think about anything else. This is a movie where ‘human, but painted’ passes for ‘alien’ and society apparently functions exactly like Earth, tedious misogyny and all, despite the absence of cultural sharing to explain the Earthlike similarities (and boy oh boy do I HATE the laziness of science fiction where everything being identical to Western culture on Earth is treated like it’s ‘just the natural order’ that should be expected to develop in any sentient species, instead of a complex system shaped by unique and varied influences over thousands of years and dependent upon environment, religion, philosophy, and a myriad of other factors not replicated in these poorly-drawn ‘alien’ cultures. I get that you’ve gotta employ at least some shorthand in order to get on and tell your story within time constraints, but come on. If you’re not gonna think about world-building at all, don’t set the story on an alien planet). Above all else, we know that Ronan is the villain because he’s painted (literally) as one; he’s the bad guy through visually-indicated othering, because we all know good guys don’t look like that (whereas most of Ronan’s enemies on Xandar are just regular-looking white folks. Curious...). Sure, Ronan is also introduced spouting rhetoric and then smashing a dude with a hammer, and that seems like villain behaviour, but that only reinforces the point: Ronan’s role is made unmistakable through age-old tropes, and it’s never explored or subverted or made dynamic from there. Like Quill as the ‘hero’, Ronan is a dime-a-dozen cliche.

So anyway. Lets talk plot. This one goes like so: Quill collects the orb from Morag, where he coincidentally runs into Korath and company who just-so-happen to be after the orb at the same time (how it is that multiple interested parties only just found out that one of the most powerful destructive forces in the universe is just chillin’ on this abandoned planet, they don’t bother to explain). Quill runs into both Gamora, and Rocket and Groot, the other parties happening to be after him for different reasons and coincidentally converging on Xandar at the same point. Everyone gets arrested and sent to prison, where they meet Drax and promptly escape and fly to Knowhere so that The Collector can exposition-dump about Infinity Stones. Drax calls Ronan up, just literally straight-up calls the bad guy to come and find them because I guess figuring out a normal plot reason for the villain to catch up with the good guys was too hard, so we had to go for extreme stupidity instead. Ronan gets the orb and goes back to Xandar to destroy it, and our main characters figure they should stop that, so they do. Roll credits. Now, you can make pretty much any story sound basic and stupid by breaking it down into its component pieces, but the important thing to note about this layout is how many convenient or just plain stupid aspects there are. There are almost no character meetings or story developments that come about logically through the sensible development of plot driven by character’s motivations springing from established narrative, etc, and part of that problem is absolutely because there’s so little established character/world-building to begin with, but it’s also because whatever there is tends to apparate when it is needed without any sign of existing beforehand; that is, very little of the story is seeded early on so that it can come to fruition later in a narratively satisfying fashion. The Nova Corps sentence the characters to the Kyln prison as if it’s a big scary concept, but we’ve never heard of it before so we have no reason to consider it trouble. Drax appears and other characters literally tell us why we should pay attention to him, instead of him being, say, pre-established (SUCH AS by having his family tragedy shown on screen as a dual-establishing event for him and Ronan, or something to which Gamora was privy in some way in order to intro her misgivings as discussed above, or even just having someone reference the legend of Drax the Destroyer BEFORE getting to the Kyln (you could also, y’know, establish the Kyln itself in talking about how Drax was sent there. Just saying)). Intro the idea of Knowhere and/or The Collector BEFORE heading there so that it’s less convenient for Gamora to just-happen to have a buyer already set up for the item we didn’t even know she had planned to steal as part of the escape plot we didn’t know she was hatching. For the love of everything, establish some actual REASON for Ronan to follow our characters to Knowhere, instead of just ‘Drax got drunk and called him’. Link the pieces of your story together with concepts and developments that build upon each other in a narrative progression. That’s the difference between having a plot, and having a string of chronological set pieces (some of which - like Morag and the Kyln - don’t even have a purpose anyway beyond providing some action-scene opportunities). 

Before I close this out, I just want to run through a little exercise to demonstrate something that you never, ever want to happen in a story. You never want to have a lead character who can be deleted from the plot without leaving a hole too big to be easily filled by the rest of the cast. But what happens if Peter Quill is removed from this story? Well, pretty much all of the misogyny disappears, so that’s a plus. Someone else is gonna have to retrieve the orb from Morag, but we could easily send Rocket and Groot to do that. Gamora can still fight with them on Xandar exactly as it happens in the actual movie, only this time it’s not just pure coincidence that they conflict. We saved vital time that the film spent on Quill’s inconsequential childhood abduction (and we could save more on trimming the pointless action on Morag), which is time that could be better spent on all that other establishing crap I was talking about earlier, tightening up the narrative. Quill doesn’t serve any important purpose in the Kyln, so we can remove him from that no problem, nor does he matter on Knowhere other than a frankly stupid and ultimately pointless moment when he saves Gamora (definitely unnecessary when we’re removing the romantic subplot bullshit along with Quill). And then what? The characters agree that not letting Ronan destroy the galaxy is probably a good call (not Quill-relevant), they head back to Xandar, fight some bad guys, hold hands, win the day. We lose Quill’s only good moment in the form of the dance-off, but it’s an acceptable loss in order to strengthen the entire rest of the film by deleting the most meaningless character: the lead. We also arguably lose the Ravagers in the process, but as much fun as Yondu is, the plot can also survive completely intact without him (the only time the Ravagers matter is for the previously-identified useless damsel contrivance with Quill saving Gamora, and then they do help out on Xandar in the end, but they aren’t necessary for that - the Nova Corps could have been expanded just a smidge and taken care of everything). On the other hand, if you remove Gamora, you lose the connection to Ronan/Thanos as well as the moral compass of the Guardians; some other character would have to be significantly altered to fill the gap. You lose major Deus Ex Machina skills without Groot, and without Rocket someone else’s narrative has to change in order for Groot to have a buddy (plus you need a new mastermind for various plans, though that’s an easier hole to fill). You skip Drax and you do lose a major plot development in the form of him drunk-dialling Ronan, but admittedly that’s one of the worst things in this whole dumb waste of a movie, so maybe it’s not such a loss. You could ditch Drax. But, that’s not important, because Drax isn’t packaged as the leading man: Quill is. If you delete Drax, you don’t really streamline or improve the story (you could fix the one big flaw in his character very easily, he doesn’t have to disappear for that). You delete Quill...I know, comic book adaptation, dropping the main character is not considered an acceptable alteration when you’re improving the story for the screen. But come on. The least they could do is make him actually matter, not just be a perfunctory inclusion for the sake of sticking this ‘weird sci-fi’ as firmly in the centre of over-done cliche as a lazy gimmick story ever could be. There are a few chuckles to be had with this film, and it’s not entirely boring, but it’s not half as endearing nor even an eighth as inspired as it thinks it is. I’m not impressed by any of it.

[theuniversitychallengereview]

UC 48.37 - Grand Final, Edinburgh vs Teddy Hall

Nine months. Eighteen hours of televised quizzing. More than two thousand two hundred increasingly complicated questions, like Russian dolls on a Mobius strip. Twenty-eight teams. Only two remain. Those are some statistics, but what of the people. These numbers tell part of the story, but they omit the crucial humanity that make this show unlike any other; the high fives and the fist-bumps, the hearts in the mouths and on the sleeves, the hopes and dreams that bloomed and ballooned, the lampooned and the festooned (a bit of a tacky end to the sentence, I know, but I was on a roll. You can count yourself lucky I didn’t try and get marooned in there, too). 

For the first time in thirty-five years, Scotland has an institution in the Grand Final. Edinburgh, having fallen to the Champions Elect at the semi final stage in each of the past two series, finally made it one step further by beating Durham, who had earlier bested them in the quarter finals. They had previously swept aside Sidney Sussex in their opening match, before beating UCL on the final starter of their second round match, with captain Max Fitz-James sealing the victory.

It was Fitz-James who was the key to Edinburgh’s chances going in, with his twenty-six starters twelve clear of their next best buzzer, local lad Robbie Campbell Hewson, although RCH came up with some huge answers at vital times in their semi final. Fitz-James however, also leads the team, and the tournament (and is possibly the all time leader) in Negs, with ten incorrect interruptions to his name. He was also the go-to-guy for guesses, with a further fifteen non-penalized buzzes in his fingers. If he could get the balance right between reckless abandon and the pulling of rabbits from hats then his side might well have a chance. And they would go in knowing that caution would not serve them well given the man in the opposite captain’s chair.

Freddy Leo, described by the Times this week as "having drawn comparisons to Cristiano Ronaldo” (which, while perhaps not unlike analogies I myself may have drawn, coming from a national media which only ever covers the final, smacks of the kind of laziness eschewed by someone describing the Marvel Cinematic Universe as being ‘somewhat of a cultural juggernaut’ only in the leadup to the release of Avengers: Endgame), has amassed forty-one starters in one fewer game than Fitz-James, so the Frenchman will have gone in one hundred percent ready to flex those buzzer fingers at even the merest whiff of a guess, being fully aware that if he hesitated just the slightest moment, his German counterpart would be there to steal the points. Leo had already seen off this series’ other Big Bee (because they buzz so much, get it?) in his own semi-final, with Teddy Hall beating Darwin College despite Jason Golfinos’ best efforts and eight starter questions. He’s also shown that he has steel and nerve, with a comeback from a hundred points down against Bristol University (Bristanbul, maybe, for football fans) perhaps the grittiest performance in recent years. 

But even he could not be a team by himself, with Agastya Pesharody and Marcelline Bresson popping up at important moments in their semi final victory. Completing their quartet was Lizzie Fry, and were they to win they would become only the second side in the Paxman Era (beginning in 1995) to do so having been less than 75% male.

Anyway, let’s not bother with the rules, here’s your first starter for ten.

As predicted, it was Fitz-James who was first out of the blocks, but not unsurprisingly, his speculative buzz of Maypole Dancing (not Maple dancing, as I’d originally thought he’d said) put Edinburgh in the not-unfamiliar territory of negative points. Fry, who would double her total for the series with three in the final (truly a player for the big occasion, rather like Cristiano Ronaldo in that sense) opened her account with Morris Dancing. One bonus on paperclips followed, with Leo dismissing the Netherlands as the country who had worn such items in their lapels because he knows that if they had, then the Dutch Bresson would have said so already. A sign of a team that trusts and is in sync with one another.

Leo claims his forty-second decimal of the series on the next starter, with his arm-cocked buzzer-stab technique deployed with trademark verve. Bonuses on the ever-relevant subject of ‘Persistent Courtship in the Nineteenth Century (specifically in novels)’ serve them better than paperclips, although Leo is perhaps fortunate to get the points on the first of these, forgetting to add the author of Far From the Madding Crowd to his answer (though to be honest requiring both seems pretty needless, given that the two pieces of information would never come uncoupled in the mind of a University Challenge finalist. They would know both or neither in this context). The third he pulls from the ether after a period of intense concentration, startling even his teammates with his sudden remembrance of David Copperfield’s Peggotty. Teddy Hall are forty-five points clear.

Neither side manages to guess what is essentially a ‘guess a number’ question, before Malusa bursts into life and fires Edinburgh back above zero. Paxman delights in delivering the bonus description in the manner of a stand-up comedian, ‘questions on the periodic table *pause for effect* in Chinese’. Cue laughter. This doesn’t trouble the Scottish quartet, who rattle through the hat-trick with little more than a ‘hmm, is it bromine or iodine? Its probably bromine’ (reader, it was bromine).

Wearing a burgundy jacket (and hailing from Burgundy, France, but not, presumably, having drunk any burgundy wine beforehand), Fitz-James gets his evening going at the third attempt (having also guessed on the ‘guess a number question’) with the Picture starter, a Shakespearean Venn diagram. He would also take the second Picture starter (little bit of foreshadowing for you there). With two of the bonuses, Edinburgh are level. Deuce.

A second starter of the night goes to Leo, and when Fry picks up another Fitz-James fumble it looks as if the game might be starting to get away from Edinburgh. But Pesharody is unlucky in forgetting that his answer on the next starter required two parts, and isn’t allowed the time to grasp for the second when he realises. Campbell Hewson, Edinburgh’s vulture, takes his correct morsel and completes it. Alpha and Omega. Romping through another hat-trick, this time on Iron Maiden, put the Scots firmly back on track. 

The music questions came in three parts, with four sets of three tunes relating to the colours of the horizontal bands on national flags (if you’re not with me we’re about halfway round the loop of that Russian Doll mobius I was on about earlier, and yes, I have no idea what I’m trying to infer by that phrase either). No one gets the starter, for which, as well as containing three difficult clues, the answer was Armenia (the kind of question that makes a Queen of she who makes it), but Edinburgh manage to decipher Estonia and take the lead for the first time in the contest. 

Now it is Teddy Hall who seem lost, and Edinburgh who have all the luck, Fitz-James throwing away the correct Aggripina with misplaced resignation and the assertion that he is wrong. Malusa, who had only five starters to his name before the final, then takes his second of the night, and a full set on Elizabeth Catlett completes a hat-trick of hat-tricks on the bonuses. All of these trebles meant that they had opened up a fifty point lead. 

At this stage of the game most teams would have been beaten by such a margin, but Teddy had come back from twice that already in this competition, and the next hat-trick is completed by Fry as she steals a third starter from under Fitz-James’ over-eager nose. 

Pesharody makes up for his earlier mistake (like Cristiano Ronaldo when he scored a hat-trick (oh look, another hat-trick) in the second leg of Juventus’ Round of 16 match in this year’s Champion’s League versus Atletico Madrid, having scored what looked suspiciously like an own goal (although it was credited to Diego Godin) in the 2-0 reverse of the first leg) with yet another pick-up from an ill-considered Fitz-James guess. It almost looks as though his (Fitz-James’) second picture starter of the night won’t matter, as first Leo, and then Bresson (with the speed and conviction of five-time ballon d’or winner Cristiano Ronaldo) buzz in decisively to swing the lead back down to Oxford with only seconds remaining by the slimmest of margins. 

There would only be time for one more starter. Nine months. Eighteen and a half hours of televised quizzing. More than two thousand two hundred increasingly complicated questions. Only time for one more...

Answer as soon as your name is called. What two digit number...

If Fitz-James had the gumption he could have gone for a one in ninety (note: ‘How many two digit numbers are there? would be a good starter question) wild guess, but he doesn’t. Wise.

...is equivalent to the Roman numerals that form the first three letters of the city that was the birthplace of...

This is such a classic University Challenge question that its almost like they planned for it to be the deciding question in the final. 

...William Gladstone...

No one has the faintest.

...Beryl Bainbridge...

Some cogs start to whirr.

...And Wayne Rooney...

By now everyone knows it, but they’re frantically trying to convert LIV into a two digit number. Leo launches downwards, but Campbell Hewson has beaten him to it. Elbow perpendicular to the desk, with his hand curled and a few inches from his face as if he wants to lapse into the classical philosopher pose but knows it would be too meme-able, he frowns, but does not hesitate.

Fifty-four. 

Fifty-four is correct.

They can be pretty sure they’ve won it now, but they add two more bonuses before the gong sounds to confirm them as University Challenge champions. 

Final Score: Edinburgh 155 - 140 St Edmund Hall, Oxford

Max Fitz-James, Marco Malusa, Matt Booth, Robbie Campbell Hewson. The first non-Oxbridge institution to claim the trophy since 2013. The first Scottish winners of University Challenge since 1983. Congratulations, gents. You sent Proud Edmund’s army homeward, to think again. 

What a match, and what a series it has been. Leo and Teddy Hall have to be immensely proud of their achievements, and were unfortunate that they came up against an Edinburgh side who had the quiz of their lives. 

Novelist Sebastian Faulks came on to present Edinburgh with the trophy, and he echoed the sentiments of many viewers when he said he found the questions staggeringly difficult. Comedian Ed Gamble recently said that he’s watched almost every episode of Only Connect and never got a question right. To some, that might seem nonsensical, being as an observer so far away from the level of the players, but people watch football knowing full well that they would be unable to tonk one in from thirty yards (yes, like Cristiano Ronaldo), and the joy of University Challenge, like all sport, comes from the thrill of the competition, and from watching people who are exemplary at something being exemplary at it. 

Until next time, goodbye.

[phoena12]

Cuphead: “I’m not always a good person, but I do regret what I’ve done to good people. You’re kind enough to forgive me and I thank you for that. But I don’t deserve it.”

im sorry this took me so long to get to ^^” 

The ground is cold and damp beneath Dice’s tired body, theeffort to move and curl up into a ball for warmth is too much a trial and so helays there placidly, awaiting the embrace of death. He’s pretty sure that’simpossible for him but hey, a guy can hope. As he slips in and out ofconsciousness, wicked flames filling his vision one second and then to thelarge expanse of stars littering the sky another, he wonders if it’d be worseto end up in one of hell’s many circles. He knew all of the circles by heart ofcourse, having to dump many souls down there after, ahem, paying their debts. None of them went willingly of course, which iswhy it was such a relief when two idiot children entered his fine establishmentand meddled with the big boss.

Dice manages a painedsmirk, his lips splitting and small drops of blood forming along the seams. Itwas funny, almost hilarious even, when those two boy’s had come with theunmistaken naivety and innocence that youth brought through the smoke filledlobby. All eyes were oblivious to their entrance, coughing and splutteringthrough the initial intake of smoke as they were, save him and his assholeco-worker who had rushed to his side to tell him of them. No wonder there wasso much damn smoke in the casino. He’d set the boy’s up for a game and let themwin the first few times. It was only after the tenth game, when he’d startedthrowing out baits and using extra cards that despite his excelled proficiency,he was still losing. He’d silently admit to himself, he was impressed.

Then the Devil had stepped in and all else had gone seeminglyuphill from there. Dice’s life was made easier. Just keep an eye on the brats.Make sure they got the contracts and gave them to him. If they died? Make suretheir souls went straight to hell. It was easywork. The duo had steadily made their way through debtors and collected all thecontracts with a few cuts and bruises for the ride. By the time the two hadcrossed over onto the third isle though? Well that was when things started tounnerve him. Just how strong were these kids? That question was soon answeredwith the ensuing battle going in the boy’s favour and his beloved casinocrumbling and setting alight. They had fooled everyone.

Dice opens a bruised eye, his vision swaying and coloursshifting into each other, as he hears the soft tread of feet. His breathe, slowand ragged, puffs into the chill air as he surmises this is the end for him. Hewouldn’t put it past someone to end him right here and now, for all the sins he’scommitted these years and all the people he’s cheated. The Devil better have agoddamn suite waiting for him down there, or at least a chair. Lying face downin the dirt was rather uncomfortable.

Alas, he isn’t met with the sudden flash of pain that aknife would bring or the numbing crack to his skull. Instead, a quick gaspescapes the person’s mouth, followed by a light touch to his shoulder. He’s notsure what hurts more, the soft spoken “Dice? King Dice are you still there?” orthe gentle shake of his shoulders because both actions are too sweet a sentimentfor the likes of him. The strangers tone is familiar and filled to the brimwith worry and caution. The insistent shake of his shoulders that beckons himto stay awake and stay here and not to give up. He doesn’t move. He can’tactually move anyways but plays dead so that this kind person will just snuffat his dead body and move on.

They don’t, obviously, because the world just loves to playtricks on him. His mind is swirling a little now, the once far away starsunnervingly close to him and the ground seeming to shrink away. He doesn’t hearthe stranger call for someone, until another pair of feet come stampeding hisway. The ground shaking, or so it seems, as the called person in questionshouts with confusion “king dice!”. Oh boy, he definitely recognises that toneand suddenly it’s all too clear who is trying to help him and who is chargingtheir way to his battered self.

He curses inwardly, swearing hatred to any and all gods thathe can manage to think of. He grits his teeth slightly as the shyer of the twoboys greets his brother and voices his concern. He wants the ground to swallowhim up. Right now preferably. He shifts his body, gauging his strength andholds back a strangled groan. It catches the boy’s attention and soon enough Cuphead’svoice is in his ears.

“Are you dead?” directly to the point as always and hewishes he was dead. His doesn’t answer Cuphead’s question and when the silencestretches on too long for the boy’s patience, the young cup kicks him in theside. It’s not a very strong kick, more of a poke really and something thatshouldn’t have had Dice scream out in pain, bloodshot eyes wide and tremblinghands covering his abdomen. Fucking kid! The boys are bickering between eachother, worry, regret and anger warring in their voices as Dice’s vision blursand his breathe goes shallow. His body is numb and cold and he lets go. Worriedshouts going over him in waves, small hands shaking him but failing to rousehim. He lets the waiting fires envelop him and with a last thought to thisworld, hopes there is a goddam chair waiting for him.

~~0~~

He’s lost in a dream, one that fills his mind and makes nosense to his tired self, the colour green being prominent all around him, abackdrop of orange and red slowly fading into the distance. The sky is filledwith coins, spinning and twinkling, he tries to reach his hand out and grab onebut finds he can’t move at all. He gives up and stares at the sky for a while.Dice thinks it’s very pretty and wants to keep staring endlessly at it. Thereare voices too, though he can’t make any sense of them, one moment they are byhis ears the next their somewhere else in his dream. The voices mix and minglewith each other, squeaky, stubborn and gruff and then nothing.

Dice smells smoke tooand finds an imp, adorned in a chef’s garb, cooking at the casino’s stoves.It’s a funny picture but makes him worry, Devil never said anything about hisminions being able to cook. As soon as the Devil crosses his mind the improtates its head 360 degrees and Dice is met with two red slits for eyes,flames burning up around the little beast until its body has melted and allthat is left is those eyes. Beckoning. Dice flees that part and finds himselfsurrounded by flower smells and, is that cinnamon? His mind brings up the scentof an old cologne that he used to wear, one his father let him borrow.

Why is his fatherhere? He opens his mouth but finds its sown shut. He begins to panic, rockinghis body sluggishly left and right. Long black tentacles wrapping themselvesabout his body, forcing him immobile yet again and then his body wracks withpain. Sharp and hot, it doesn’t seem to end, tears flowing down his cheeks andthe string keeping his mouth closed becomes taut. He expects to wake up, tryingto move or wriggle or something, wanting to wake up. Then his eyes are there,or at least one of them, gleaming blood and malice at him. He knows that eye,tries to beg for mercy or make another deal but he only manages strangled moansthat stick in the back of his throat. It looms forward, a red line cuttingacross the centre and opening to reveal many, many pointed teeth. Saliva and blood drips from the coated maw andslowly envelops Dice’s head. He twists and turns but the Devil closes himselfon Dice, his fangs scissoring through Dice’s skin and skull, before coming tohis neck and snapping it clean offhis body. A guttural growl dripping rich crimson that turns into a throaty andgarbled laugh…

~~0~~

Dice awakes with a gasp, eyes wide and hands scouring hisface. Was he just eaten by an eyeball? What was all that other stuff?? Hebreathes in greedy gulps of air, expecting the creature to come back at anymoment. Once his heart rate is calmed, he looks about his surroundings. Itappeared he was in a room, solid wooden walls and a window that streamed infaint rays of light his initial surveillance. He was also in a bed; a softcomforter placed on the mattress, fluffed pillows and a slightly worn duvet ontop.

Despite the smell ofmedicine that coated the quilt and the, pattern(could he call it that? it looked more like a few half assed crocheted lines tohim) that adorned the centre of the duvet, it was better than a chair. Which hestill fully expected of course because this was still a dream. He thinks? Henotices a Chester drawer with some rather ancient looking antiques sitting atopit. Beside him is a bedside table; a series of medicine bottles (no wonder itstank like a hospital in here), rolls of bandages scattered about, an empty cupand a lone wooden chair with a green cushion on it.

Hah! See? He knew at least a chair would be waiting for himin hell, it didn’t explain any of the other things in the room but Dice ispretty smug about getting that much right. He eyes the medicine bottles andgoes to reach for one. He then notices the bandages strapped about his arm likea snake, small blotches of red showing through. Some of the events from theprevious night come streaking back to him. Calm, collected and preparing for afight he knew he would win. Losing that fight. Being turned on. His casinofalling like an uneven stack of cards. So much fire that spurted from theground and engulfing everything. He gets a headache just remembering it. Dicedoesn’t think he’s in hell, there’s no fire, no brimstone and no cackling imps.

No Devil.

So where the hell was he?

He doesn’t have to think long on it before he hears thesubtle creak of wooden flooring as someone makes their way up the stairs. He shiftsin the bed, straightening his back and awaits whatever horrors would greet him.

It’s much worse than he expected.

A grumbling and wheezing tone first puzzles its way intoDices mind, his guard lowering a bit, he cocks his head a little at the noise. Itcertainly didn’t sound like either of the two cup brothers. He was dealing withan old man? Perhaps his “saviour” was on the weaker side, which worked well inhis favour. He may be injured and indebted to this person but that didn’t meanDice had any notions of staying here. Just more water under the bridge. Except itwasn’t just any old man. As the huffing figure comes bumbling through the door,a tray with steaming tea on it, Dice knows there’s no way out of this one.

“Ah, you’re awake!” Elder Kettle greets, the tray In handshaking with his enthusiasm, he shuffles over to Dice, ignoring the pointedstare and lowered brows.

“I’d rather be dead” Dice grumbles, rubbing his temple.

“Well, had the boys not found you when they did, you surelywould be” Kettles catches the quip and throws it back at Dice, stern gaze andsturdy frown following suit. Kettle places the tray on the bed side table,knocking bottles and bandages over and drags the wooden chair backwards a bit,sits in it heavily and straightening, steam puffing out of his nose. “So…” hebegins, gnarled fingers clasped together and gazing heavily on Dice, “…justwhat did you think you were doing?”

It’s an odd question, given how little and how much theelder claims to know and from Dices past experiences with the man, he decides it’sbetter not to tangle with him at this moment. The barb still hits though.  Did Kettle know the control that the Devilstill held over Dice? Did he see the claw marks that stretched unevenly at hisskin? “How much does he know?” burns in his mind.

Dice scoffs, “what ah thought best” and leaves theconversation at that, looking askance out the window. Or he tries to but Kettlehas none of it and with a tone Dice didn’t believe possible of the antique.

“You thought it best to lie face down in the dirt and letthe world win? You thought it best to allow the Devil into your mind and fillyou with his nightmares?” a pause and a sceptical glance from Dice “I know,son, I know. He beat you and moulded you into his plaything. He made you intowhat you are, an extravagant and foolish child” Elder Kettle levels his gaze toDice, who looks about ready to explode.

Kettle continues his onslaught “you hurt people Dice, goodpeople, bad people but people all the same” Dice wants to sink into the groundand never come out, he hates how soft and commanding his tone is. Reassuring himto speak his mind but not overstep his boundaries. “You tortured souls andcheated people” Dice already knows this. Kettle knows this so why bring it up? Rubsalt into the wound why doesn’t he. Dice inwardly scoffs and decides this is apretty fucked up hell, even by the Devils standards. Kettle leans forward andplaces a rough hand on Dices softer one and looks earnestly at the broken man. “You’vecheated death and survived in a world full of deceit and hate and yet I don’t seethat spark in you anymore.”

“Get to the point” Dice snarls and snatches his hand back. Alittle freaked out by the man’s soft words and reassuring gestures, Dicesurmises this is all a trick.

Kettle sighs heavily and wrings his hands together, like a parenttiring of telling their child the same thing over and over. “You’re free nowKingsley, it’s time you forgive yourself, just like me and the boys have”. It catchesDice off for sure, makes his heart shrivel up inside himself further.

“I’m not a good person, I regret the things that I’ve doneto good people” Dice begins his voice shaking a bit, “you’re kind enough toforgive me and I thank you for that” a forced grin and a broken smile graceshis features as he looks levelly at Kettle, “but I don’t deserve it” his voicebreaks at the end and he fights back the tears he knows begs to break free.

“Ah, Dice…” Kettle shakes his head.

And that seems to end the conversation, Dice sits rigidly onthe bed expecting another line of truths to come hurtling from Kettle but theold man fumbles with the now luke warm tea, adding a sachet of powder to it andoffering it to Dice. Dice accepts the medicine and splutters at the bittertaste. Kettle rises from his chair and walks over to the window, gazing out athis boys in the garden. They had been quite forward in getting Dice someflowers to make him feel better. Such sweet boys.

“…maybe one day…” he hears Dice mumble between sips of tea. Kettlegrins and settles his eyes back outside the window. One day indeed.

~~0~~

“WE GOT YOU FLOWERS!!!”

Dice is abruptly awoken by two bustling bodies bursting intohis room and shoving an array of different coloured flowers in his face. He swearsand tries to back away from the flowery onslaught but the kids are relentless.

“Mine are the best Dice! Look look! They got real prettycolours!” Cuphead shouts over the noise of literally nothing else and shoveshis vibrant gifts at Dice. He eyes the bunch, and he assumes they would bebrightly coloured had Cuphead not grabbed the flowers by the head, the brokenstems and lack of petals a stern indicator.

“Hey mine are pretty too! These’ll make Dice better!” Mugmansqueaks, a small pout on his face at being second to show his bunch of flowersto Dice. At least he doesn’t shove them into Dice’s face, the array of whiteand pink a soothing sight, almost. Being awaken by two screaming children isnot ideal for his health. His head now swimming and vision blurring.

“So which bunch d’’ya like best?” the boys ask in unison. Godthat’s creepy.

Dice doesn’t really get a chance to say, not that he wouldpick anyways, before he faints and sinks back into a fireless sleep.

…

“Elder Kettle!! Cuphead broke Mr Dice!!!” the younger boytattles and takes off out the room.

“With affection this time!” Cuphead shouts indignantlyfollowing his brother and leaving Dice to his slumber.

[ewutai]

50;mark please!♡♡

prompt: 50. “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”

Off guard | MARK

⇢summary: even the coolest NYC hero gets to fall in love with a pretty smile.

⇢genre: spider man!au | slightly florist!reader | super super fluff (like 1000%)

⇢pairing: mark lee / reader

⇢word count: 2.7k

a/n: this is a draft i wrote for another writing blog (i’ll be posting there too anyway) but i really thought you’d like it :)) i really hope you do!!! ((though i’ve started another spider man au with mark and i intend to dedicate it to you because this prompt inspired me ^^)) ah!! lowkey inspired by spider-man homecoming i love tom holland so i hope this is at least good ^~^

First encounters arenot always very magical, neither are they like we dreamt.

When Mark Lee first landed his eyes on the hysterical form of you, therewere paper sheets flying over the wind and a very frustrated body running fromone side to other of the street, aimlessly trying to gather as much documentsas your hands could hold—and to be at least honest, you could not pick eventhree of them. You wheezed, annoyed by the fact that your chemistry essay wasvanishing from your vision and traveling to a place very far away from whereyou were.

That, you thought, was my only salvation. Without that piece of work you wouldprobably fail the subject—considering that the essay was a component for thelast test you’d to take (to be exact: 40% of your mark depended on that stupid assignment). You sighed; you’dhave to manage the entire night for that, making the whole thing again.

Mark shifted the weight of his body and gulped—Haechan (his friend)rolled his eyes, completely aware of his friend’s new-born platonic love—he peekeda paper close to where he was standing, and with all courage he had ever hadinside his physique Mark took his way to you. To Haechan’s eyes his actionswere clumsy and his words sounded like whisper and made no sense at all. Heremembered how Mark had been when Liz was still around and how he had hearteyes over her—it was annoying.

Haechan called Mark once, warning him to just let the thing go, after allthey still had to go to class, but the brunette boy simply ignored his friend’scries.

Mark touched your shoulder. “Hum, excuse me.”

You turned your body to face the him. “Ah, yes?”

“I guess,” he said, stuttering “I guess this belongs to you” Mark handedyou the paper.

“Thank you” you gave him the sweetest smile you could.

You didn’t know, but Mark Lee melted under you gaze, completely amusedby the beautiful sight of you and your smile. He had never seen you before thatday, but he’s utterly sure you were the most gorgeous girl in the universe; notonly because your eyes were almost closed when you smiled, neither because yourperfume was a mixture of lilies and mint—which made Mark feel a little dizzydue to the dulcet scent—but yet because you showed him the purest reaction hehad ever expected.

It didn’t take much, though, for you to perceive some hesitancy comingfrom him. The boy in front of you had locked his eyes with yours for a moment,and then the silent had paired. After that, he’d coughed and gulped repeatedly;he’d rubbed his hands and slid them inside his pockets, then had taken them outand massaged the back of his neck. He’s so embarrassed, you noticed, but therewas no reason to be. Now, with the funny scene before you, the only thing youcould possibly do was chuckle.

The brunette widened his eyes and watched you laughing at his posture.He turned his head to his friend, whom was starting to giggle too.

You took a deep breath. “What’s your name?”

He blinked once and then twice, not believing you really asked that question.

The boy cleared his throat. “It’s Lee,” he coughed “I mean, Mark Lee.”

“Well Mark Lee,” you winked “nice to meet you.”

Mark nervously grinned; his words were stuck on his gullet, willing toslip out of his mouth and yell to the world that love at first sight was indeedreal, but all he did was keep his lips glued. To your eyes, he was completelyuncomfortable with the entire situation—maybe he just wasn’t very good withconversations, or when it comes to girlshe was always unprepared—so you slightly shrugged your shoulders and

“So,” you said “I better get going.”

He really wanted to hold your wrist and stop you from leaving, but all hedid was follow you with his eyes, watching you go away and then vanish in thecrowd of people. He foolishly smiled, already memorizing all your features andyour delicate gestures. Haechan stepped closer and called Mark’s name, finallybringing him back to reality.

“She was pretty,” he said.

“I know right” Mark agreed.

“Yeah,” Haechan touched his friend’s shoulder and “but you didn’t askfor her name, dumbass.”

“Oh, man”

And that was enough to darken Mark’s entire day. He kept running theprevious encounter inside his mind, trying the best he could to remember everysingle thing from the place he met you—the coffee shop, the floristry, all thebuildings and some houses. Haechan told him to stop, because it’d be so much in vain doing all that effort tofind just a girl, but Mark ignoredhis friend once again.

It’s not just a girl; it was a girl who made his heart almost burst outof his chest.

He sat down on his chair inside the classroom—the next subject wasgeography so he was pretty comfortable with just driving his attention toanything else but the class. Mark rested his head in one of his hands andtapped his fingers on top of the table; the noise following the pace of histhoughts.

It was so odd. He had never felt that way before; so desperate. He swallowed his saliva likeit was poison, the liquid burning his throat all the way down—Mark Lee feltimpotent. Not even his powers would bring you back to his vision; not even hispowers would make you appear in front of him. From once he wished he could goback and time and just make a question as simple as ‘what’s your name’, and then maybe he would not be feeling soregretful.

Truth to be said, he should not feel regretful at all. You did not knowhim, he did not know you.

Regardless, he still felt the necessity of having you around.

Haechan tried his best to light Mark’s mood up, saying all sort ofnonsenses to make his friend chuckle or at least smile; though it was in vain,he kept doing whatever he could to transform the disappointed expression in Mark’sface into something more…joyful.

Worthless.

The school day became a burden (it’s already, but especially that day itfelt like ton on Mark’s shoulders), and when the bell finally ringed Mark sensedthe easiness filling his chest. He lazily walked home, not as excited to reachhis room as he’d always be. All the way he had his earphones immersed in hisears, fulfilling his audition with his favourite songs and beats; he tapped hishands on his thighs within the music’s rhythm. He didn’t even bothered throwingweb on the buildings and flying back home—no, he was too exhausted for that—butfor once, he forgot how stupid he had been earlier on the day.

However, when he finally laid down on his bed all he could think aboutwas you. 

“Mark,” Haechan whispered “I said I’d be your guy in the chair, not yourguy who spends the night awake watchingan empty street”

Mark sighed. “I know, Haechan,” he said; the blame completely visible inhis voice tone “I know.”

“Look,” Haechan wheezed “we’d never seen that girl before, I am prettysure it’s pure coincidence. There’s no need for us to be here the entire night—likewe were psychos—guarding this dark and terrifying street.”

“Haechan, I—”

“Mark, shouldn’t you be, like, webbing people or something?” Haechanasked and it’s pretty much clear that he was already annoyed. “I mean, did you forget you’re Spider-Man?”

“Shit, Haechan, no!” Mark shouts “I mean,” now he whispers “can you belouder? It’s just—”

“Shush” Haechan said “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or sayanything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on howstupid the thing that you said or did was. Because” he wheezed “you must bereally really idiot to fall in loveso easily.”

“You have no words,” Haechan sighed, shook his head and continued “I amdoing this for once because I know how bothered you’ve been. But after this youshould give up, it’s not like she’s the only girl in the world.”

Mark knew; he was fully conscious of that assumption. You were not the only girl in the world—butstill, he couldn’t take you out of his mind not even for a second. He yawnedand blinked his eyes for ninth times; he and Haechan had been there since thebeginning of the evening, the sleepiness reaching out for him like a positivepolo of a magnet reaches out for the negative one. The worst part of it all: heknew he wouldn’t endure much longer.

The best part: Haechan would probably wake him up. Or he thought so.

They both rested their bodies on a bench; Haechan’s head leaning on Mark’sshoulders, and Mark’s head leaning on Haechan’s. The cold air was freezing andit could snow in any moment, but Mark found it very refreshing—a new differentfeeling.

He’d been searching for you for dear life; jumping from building tobuilding peeking girls with the same body shape, same hair colour and same anything he could find. Similaritiescould bring you back to his sight, he’d say, so Mark kept his hopes highbringing his stamina to nearly 0% every single day. And a week passed by, thentwo weeks passed by—and soon a month since he had met you and Mark had nothingbut your image in his mind. He hissed and hissed about it, not believing youcould simply disappear.

So the last drop of belief he had was patrol the night. Exactly whereyou met him. Exactly in front of the flower shop.

Haechan endlessly protested about it—and he would forever do it—becausehe was sure Mark would forget you soon, but for his despair it hadn’t happened.In the end, reluctantly, Haechan stood by his friend’s side, immersing hishands inside his warm pockets and shrinking his neck as much as he could,causing it to be completely englobed by his scarf. He felt his eyelids heavyand before he could blink, Haechan was already in deep sleep.

Mark only knew his friend had fallen asleep when he snored. He had neverpaid much attention on it, but now the sound of Haechan’s growls caused him togiggle—and then the giggle became a snore, and then Mark knew he was reachinghis limit.

And, for his happiness, it’s already Sunday—at that meant I don’t need to worry with neither waking upearly nor school. With the last drop of energy left, Mark straightened uphis body, giving Haechan as much comfort as he could, and then he fell asleephimself.

You, on the other hand, were completely worried with time. Sundays werenot the correct synonym for restingand at 6AM you had your sneakers on and a very comfy hoodie covering up yourtorso. Slowly, you stepped out of home and walked your way to the floristrywhere you worked—you had this part-time job there, and once in a while theyasked you to work on Sundays too—listening to your favourite playlist. You’ddance a bit following the song’s rhythm, but soon stop because it’s too weirdto be so happy in a Sunday morning.

When you reached your workplace your pace slowed down and you held thefront door’s key in your hand; you were excited—and that was so uncommon—thatyou didn’t even notice two sleepy bodies on a bench just feet away from theflower shop.

It’s around eleven o’clock when your boss touched your shoulder and gaveyou an odd look.

“What?” You tilted your head.

“Those two,” he pointed a finger to two boys, outside the floristry,sleeping “they’ve been here since—I don’t know since when to be exact.”

“Do you want me to call the police?”

“No,” your boss violently shook his head “maybe they’re homeless, theymust eat.”

“So,” you began “you want me to buy them some coffee?”

“Yes, yes. Here, take this,” he handed you some money “and buy themwhatever they like.”

You took the money, not so uncomfortable with the idea as much as youthought you’d be. With fast steps, you walked all the way to the two tiredbodies on the bench and cleared your throat, aiming to wake them up with asound. None of them moved an inch; you sighed and prepared yourself to yell a ‘hey, sup? Wanna eat something?’ but youstopped right after you recognised a face. Mark

“Lee?” You said; your voice sounding much louder than you wanted it tobe.

“No, Mr. Stark, please don’t leave me without my sui—” Mark shouted, butshut his mouth when his eyes met yours “Oh, hey! Hi! Hey, hum, hi” he stuttered.

It’s cute, you admitted to yourself, when he stutters while talking toyou; his nervousness showing.

“Hey, Mark.” You smiled—and once again, the brunette boy felt theadrenalin being lunched on his veins and increasing his heartbeat. “So, did youtwo sleep here?”

Mark looked down, only now noticing that Haechan had fallen down and hishead was resting on the bench’s cold material. He took off his own scarf andput under Haechan’s head, transforming it into a pillow.

“Ah, no, no” he denied, vigorously shaking his head—and not convincingyou at all “we were just walking andwe were so so tired because you knowwe’ve been exercising every morning and then Haechan is not completely on shapeso we just decided we should rest and we fell asleep and—”

You cut him off. “Mark, please talk slowly.”

He nervously laughed. “Ah, sorry.”

“Anyway,” you looked down to Haechan and then moved your gaze to Mark“are you hungry? My boss gave me money because he thought you guys werehomeless and asked me to buy you something.”

“No, no!” Mark stood up abruptly. “No, no.”

“Well, if you don’t want to grab a meal with me is completely fine,don’t overreact.”

He widened his eyes. “No! I really reallywant to grab a meal with you. I mean I’ve been looking for you since thatday you were trying to gather your—” he stopped as soon as he realised he was talking too much “I mean, it’s not that.I just don’t want your boss to buy us anything.”

You giggled. “You’re very cute, MarkLee.”

He gulped, completely amused by your words. Mark thought it was a dream,so he roughly rubbed his eyelids and shook his head once and twice. He didn’tbelieve you were actually in front ofhim, smiling and calling him cute; Markhad a smile drawn on his face from cheek to cheek—and it looked so charming to you that you couldn’thold the small laugh leaving your mouth.

Mark gathered as much air as his lungs could and “You know my name, butI don’t know yours.”

You shifted the weight on your body from foot to foot. “Oh, that’scorrect Mark Lee.”

“So,” he began “what’s your name?”

“I’ll tell you, someday,” you said smirking at him “maybe after you askme out.”

Mark nearly chocked with his own saliva, totally flustered with yourwords. Before he could say anything else you added

“Now you know, Mark Lee” your voice sounded like melody to his ears “Iwork at the flower shop, every day from 3pm to 7pm. Just pick the date andtime.”

You turned on your hills and took your way in the floristry. Because youhad your back to Mark, you didn’t see how he celebrated this event—neither didyou see when Haechan woke up startled by Mark’s loud whispers and when both ofthem said low ‘yeses’ throughout theair, truly happy because now Mark Lee had a chance with you.

[writingsofawanderingwonderer]

Katy's Everything Wrong With Bob's "Everything Wrong With CinemaSin's 'Everything Wrong With Sherlock Holmes'"

vvv Read more line here. vvv

Alternate title: Why CinemaSins shouldn't be destroyed.

Another alternate title: That One Controversial Essay That's Finally Going to Lead to Me Getting Eaten Alive by People on Twitter. Maybe.

Okay, so to get you old corks up to speed: Recently, there's been a surge, and absolute pandemic, of YouTube videos cropping up titled something along the lines of, "Everything Wrong With CinemaSin's Everything Wrong With _______", wherein the video nitpicks (their words, not mine) CinemaSins' nitpicks of a film. There have also been a bunch of comments on Twitter and YouTube saying that CinemaSins should pack up their things and hop it. To stop making their videos.

This is where I come in. And you reading this comes in.

It's hard for me to explain why I'm making this essay. Maybe it's because I want to play the Devil's Advocate in a contained, spaced environment. Maybe I want to give everyone reading this a different perspective on the matter; something to mull over and consider and take away before we decide to write something off as "bad" or "useless" or of low quality. Maybe I consider CinemaSins an old friend and I'd like to speak up for them, even though it's hard because I'm not used to voicing an unpopular opinion out loud, and I'm super-nervous about this. Maybe it's because I want to give a meta statement about how you can nitpick a nitpicker who nitpicks another nitpicker, and that continually nitpicking the next nitpicker will either create a wondrous nitpickception that we can all learn from, or spiral out of control into a lesson that nickpicking nitpickers nitpicking is a futile effort...

But for some reason, I've been overcome with a fierce desire to write this.

So, there you go. I'm making this now.

To structure this academic essay, I'm going to use an "Everything Wrong With CinemaSin's Everything Wrong With _______" video to make several counter-arguments. I'll be using Everything Wrong With "Everything Wrong With Sherlock Holmes" by Bobvids. (Thank you, Bobvids, for letting me use your video as an example. You're quite a trooper and a good sport! And I love your editing style!).

To add upon Bobvid's video's goal, this essay's goal is to nitpick a video nitpicking another video.

Nitpickception?

*cricket chirps*

Ahem. This essay's goal is also, like all my essays here, for educational purposes. Albeit, in a roundabout way.

To keep track of things, I'll add timestamps and quotes from Bobvid's video as I comment on them. I will skip over some parts of the video to prevent this essay from being over a hundred years long.

0:49 Bob: Why call them "movie sins"? One of the CinemaSins guys said it was "[...] because it's a more flexible & nebulous definition." But I guess they never realized "sins" has an extremely negative connotation. Of all the words they could've used, "sins" is the least flexible or nebulous.

Me: They're called "sins" because "no movie is without sin," as their slogan goes (the implication being that any film, no matter how beautiful, wonderful, and perfect it is, has flaws and should be discussed and acknowledged on some level. Because that's how future films grow as an art form. By learning from the past's mistakes). The word "sins" is nebulous because we all contain it, no matter how good or bad we are. He sins. You sin a little. They sin a lot. And I'm sinning right now. So it really is a flexible and nebulous definition.

1:14 Bob: Why have a movie sin timer when YouTube tells you exactly how long a video is?

Me: Because it's a reference/homage to the "gate" used in filmmaking. The "gate" is a black border placed around a piece of film or storyboard that lists the time, scene number, and name of the person who submitted the shot. When I'm animating professionally, I'm given a gate that lists these things, and every time I hand in a shot, I have to "check the gate" as the old filmmaker's term puts it, to make sure everything's in order. The gate even times the frame number (like the CinemaSins' timer and unlike YouTube's video timer), which is super important to include, because it makes it easier for a supervisor to give feedback ("Katy, could you please fix the foot-clipping issue that appears on frame 298? Thanks!"). So YouTube actually doesn't tell you exactly how long a video is (which is very, very frustrating if, like me, you like using YouTube videos as animation reference and want to scrub between individual frames without using an app like Reeview.it Player or Anilyzer)

Me: Here's an example of a film gate:

1:24 Bob: Why is the text of what's being said showing up at the bottom of the screen? Not only is it redundant, but YouTube lets you upload subtitles which is easier to do than premiere titles, lets viewers disable it if they don't need it, and also lets you edit text after the video's uploaded.

Me: Because, 1) the average YouTuber genuinely doesn't know all of YouTube's features, including toggling closed captions (seriously, I've seen several YouTube commenters complain that a person in a video was talking too fast, not realising that you can turn on subtitles and/or adjust the speed of the video. Youtube kinda makes it a wee bit tricky to find all its hidden features. Did you know that you can change the sub's font typeface, colour, and size? Did you know you can scrub through video frames using "," and "." but only sometimes? Well, now you know. You're welcome.)

Me: And, 2) Because YouTube's subtitles do not properly time (nor fit) all of its text onto the screen in full sentences if the speaker is talking fast or saying a lot, making the subtitles cut off midsentence. It is this for exact reason why it was so challenging and annoying for me to transcribe what you were saying throughout this video! And why is was MUCH EASIER for me to transcribe CinemaSins' subtitles in comparison (my typing fingers hurt soooo much right now). CinemaSins' method lets the viewer read subtitles in full and complete sentences, taking things in in a easier-to-digest way. They've also used it for gags where they change the font typeface or size midsentence to add emphasis.

Me: First image: Bobvids subtitles for CinemaSins (note how it's cut off midsentence). Second image: CinemaSins' subtitles (see how they're easier to read?).

Me: Also, why the Dickens did you subtitle CinemaSins if their subtitles are already in their part of the video? Isn't that hypocritically-and-ironically-redundant?!

1:37 CinemaSins: This film production logo is so ballsy I straight up have no idea what company it's for. But good job on being ballsy enough to NOT include your name, mystery production company.

Bob: That's Silver Pictures. You may know them from producing Weird Science, Lethal Weapon, Predator, Die Hard, Road House, Demolition Man, and The Matrix. They're allowed to have some balls.

Me: In all fairness, I literally haven't seen any of those movies you've mentioned (Weird Science looks interesting, I'll check that one out. I've now added it to my library list.) except for The Matrix, which I didn't really like due to its lack of humour and its tonal issues. So using a nameless logo really doesn't help you get more people to know about your company if they're unfamiliar with it or have forgotten what your logo looks like. So why do it? Pointless! Mad as a hatter!

2:25 CinemaSins: Robert Downey, Jr. is a handsome, fun, charismatic lead actor... who cannot do an English accent to save his life. Is it too much to ask that SHERLOCK HOLMES actually be British?

Me: I think CinemaSins is making note on "cultural appropriation," a prevalent thing in Hollywood (an American actor playing an English character), rather than literally how well an actor can do an accent. I mean, when oh when are we going to see a film where Simon Pegg plays Sherlock Holmes?! We're waiting!

2:58 CinemaSins: I don't know how good at deductive reasoning he is, but he wouldn't have been able to guess that that guy had a floating rib.

Bob: It's easy to guess considering floating ribs are the last two sets of ribs on your rib cage and are a natural part of human anatomy, which Sherlock is proficient in.

Me: It's NOT easy to deduce, considering the GUY IS WEARING CLOTHES, THEREBY COVERING HIS RIBS SO YOU CAN'T TELL IF HE HAS FLOATING RIB SYNDROME. Also, SHERLOCK IS CURRENTLY ENGAGING IN A FIGHT WITH SAID GUY. Have you ever tried to assess the state of a guy's ribs while having a fisticuff with him?

Me: Also, you used like the third Google image result that appears when you search "floating ribs," and I don't know how to feel about that, because I think you should have used the fourth Google image result instead, as that diagram illustrates things more clearly in my opinion (it shows the ribcage from the front, which was how Sherlock was viewing the man, rather than from the back).

3:21 CinemaSins: This guy seems to be late to the ceremony. He also didn't get the memo that they all didn't have to wear the hooded robes.

Bob: It's explained later that this is Lord Coward, who is using a robe to hide his identity.

Me: Yes, but WE, the audience, don't know that at this point in the film. So as we watch this for the first time, we're all thinking to ourselves, "Why aren't all the people wearing dark robes?!" Confusion that's resolved through later context is still confusion.

Me: Also, that joke made me laugh and reminded me of that absolutely ridiculous "robes scene" from the movie Dungeons and Dragons.

Me: And let's address the elephant in the room. No one like to be the one to yell "The Emperor has no clothes!" so please let me be the one to do it for you (and get eaten alive for it). The reason why so many people are jumping on CinemaSins right now in particular is because they did a Wonder Woman video. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to see that the timelines add up.

Me: For those people who are like me who don't really watch American superhero films* (because we're too tangled up waiting with baited breath for The Adventures of Tintin sequel, because that's the comic book hero we grew up reading), Wonder Woman was a film that was well-received after what one reviewer described as "a long line of waiting apologies."

*Me: Footnote: I've watched The Incredibles and Batman 66, and I really liked those.

Me: Because Wonder Woman was a film that's popular, CinemaSins got in a lot of trouble because... apparently, people can't handle other people poking fun at something they like.

Me: Really, people. I'm disappointed in you. You're better than this.

Me: I hope I'm wrong about this, and people are just upset over CinemaSins' fact-checking. But one has to wonder why all the nitpick comments/videos started appearing now at the same time.

Me: Maybe I'm just weird, but I love it when people poke fun at stuff I like. Even my own work. I like watch LPs of my game played by others who are making cracks at it. I've been waiting for CinemaSins to do a video on one of my favourite films, The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, but to no avail. Even CinemaSins pokes fun at itself before other people did. But many people don't seem to be able to handle neither criticism of a work that is near perfect, nor laugh at a joke at the expense of a film they like.

Me: And, not to put too fine a point on it, Bertie, but that's part of a bigger problem.

Me: CinemaSins has a right to exist. Critiquing a video game creator's work is fine, I love getting criticism, in fact. It helps artists grow. But please, stop making posts and videos saying that CinemaSins should die. It isn't decent. And stop making comments like, "CinemaSins doesn't watch the films they cover." They would have to watch the films at some stage to edit the video together.

Me: Now, Bobvid also points out some flaws that are genuinely flaws in CinemaSins' videos (to the best of my knowledge), and that's something that CinemaSins can work on to improve and grow their repertoire. It is not, however, a good reason to have CinemaSins wiped off the face of the Earth.

Me: Just because I don't like something doesn't mean it shouldn't exist. I don't like something doesn't mean it should exist. I don't like strategy games, but I'm happy others enjoy them. I'm happy strategy games are becoming successful again.

Me: And yet, some people think that visual novel games shouldn't exist. Why? Because they don't like them.

4:46 Watson: How did you see that? Sherlock: Because I was looking for it.

CinemaSins: Sherlock doesn't say, "because even though it's clear, it reflects light and is still visible to the naked eye."

Bob: Yes, you and I can see it, but that doesn't mean Watson was able to see it from his perspective. Watson was rushing Blackwood and wasn't paying attention.

Me: Due to the Kuleshov Effect, and because Watson and Sherlock are standing next to each other by the end of the sequence, we can assume that Watson can see what Sherlock sees in this shot. Crumbs, due to the magic of Prevalent Film Language, we conclude to this thought without even registering it on a conscious because of the way the sequence is shot (shot of object, followed by shot of Watson and Sherlock looking offscreen in the same direction = they are looking at said object).

Me: Also, I noticed you labelled Sherlock and Watson as "Sherlock" and "Watson," respectively, in the subtitles. For proper design unity, shouldn't you have labelled them both by their first names (Sherlock and John) or their last names (Holmes and Watson)? I'm nitpicking, but that's the point.

5:44 CinemaSins: Yeah sure. You're totally under arrest, but you can walk around without anyone holding on to you to make sure you don't try to escape.

Bob: This is showing that even police fear Lord Blackwood. Though I guess it could be a setup for one of your sh**ty jokeyjokes too.

Me: *Still sniggering from CinemaSins' gag.* *Pauses.* *Put hands on hips.* What's wrong with jokey jokes?! Even if they're afraid, they're the police. It's their job to apprehend this guy, so it looks ridiculous when they don't. It's reaching Thompson and Thomson-levels of police bumbling in an otherwise darkish action film.

Me: Details add up. If a film has a ton of tiny details that don't work, they can add up and wreck the enjoyment of the film (see videos that analyse shot-for-shot remakes, like Psycho and Beauty and the Beast to see what I mean). I know artists who have worked on Rick and Morty and have talked about meetings discussing the design of a paper cup that a character has to hold. A paper cup.

Me: I've seen Twitter people make the argument that films are not meant to be totally logical, and instead are meant to hit you on a metaphorical level (that's why Disney's Snow White works). And that CinemaSins uses logic and literalisms too much. But (at the risk of explaining a joke, which I don't like doing) remember that we as creators often pose a statement that we don't agree with to make our viewers both laugh and self-reflect on whether we are telling a truth or not. I hope this makes sense.

Me: Also of note: Bob doesn't censor swear words in the audio nor the subtitles of this video. I had to do that myself. Even though CinemaSins censors swear words. And both CinemaSins and myself have stated publicly that we're fine with swearing used in videos. We just censor them in videos/essays respectively out of consideration for others who may not like hearing them.

Me: It's also sometimes important to censor video essays in case someone wants to use the video in an academic environment, such as being shown in a film school class that has strict profanity regulations (for example, Games As Literature's YouTube videos have been known to be showcased in academic courses on Video Game Theory, which is why he tries to exclude any swearing or gore in his videos).

Me: While we're on the subject of nitpick-jokes, I'd like to take a moment here to point out that that bit where CinemaSins points out that in one of the background areas of a two-second scene in Kingsman has a paper towel roll is hung the wrong way is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. Seriously, I was howling when that popped up!

Me: Several people on Twitter were asking why CinemaSins was funny. While I'm highly, highly against explaining jokes ("comedy dies quickly under the microscope"), I can try to maybe go point-to-point and explain why their jokes touch the funnybone. I'll bring Powerpoint slides.

8:12 CinemaSins: While I appreciate the way this movie uses boxing to show off Holmes' superior mind, the idea that a reclusive, agoraphobic investigator would regularly participate in chaotic grimy street fights. Is beyond what my suspension of disbelief can bear.

Bob: Holmes' penchant for boxing comes straight out of Arthur Conan Doyle's original stories, so suspend that disbelief because people have been doing it since 1890.

Me: While Sherlock being a skilled boxer is indeed canon in the novels, many Doyle fans (including myself, screenwriter Max Landis, and co-creator of BBC Sherlock, Mark Gatiss) consider this to be a flaw in the Sherlock novels, as it often totally imbalances the foil relationship between Holmes and Watson. Watson is meant to be more of the brawn than Sherlock because Sherlock is more of the brains than Watson. Making Sherlock a skilled fighter makes Watson less useful. Because of this, it's perfectly accepted (and often considered an improvement) among many Sherlock fans to re-write Sherlock as being flawed at fighting (in BBC Sherlock, Sherlock is terrible at using a gun on numerous occasions, and fails miserably at trying to box the Golem in season 1, episode 3.) and even works that are heavily-inspired by Sherlock Holmes use this dynamic (Max Landis is the creator of BBCA's Dirk Gently, where Dirk can be taken down in a fight very quickly and is surrounded by friends who are physically stronger than him; and I am working on The Butler Detective, which has the detective character Mel Ambrose being physically weak in a fight, and Tuski Brown being surprisingly strong from buttle-ing).

Me: The following images are from Max Landis' Twitter account:

9:59 Preacher: You are sentenced to death for the practice of black magic.

CinemaSins: Victorian London was pretty backwards, but not that backwards. Were they? Were they?

Bob: Considering a [demonic ritual abuse] panic of our own happened in the 1980s, it's not that strange at all.

Me: Yes, but Reality is Unrealistic. There have been written accounts of farmers seeing cows spontaneously exploding, but if I had put a scene in my slice of life farming video game (The Journey of Ignorance) where a cow explodes, no one playing the game would say, "That's improbable, but realistic." They'd say it was unbelievable. As the saying goes, "Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense." If you want the audience to believe something that's improbable, you either have to create a fictionalised world where it seems less improbable, or you have to do what Fargo does and write a disclaimer at the beginning saying that the events are based on a true story... Even when that's not true.

Me: Also, ritual panic isn’t strange? What?

10:58 Bob: It's pronounced "sh*t," not "[BEEP]."

Me: -_- And you say CinemaSins does jokeyjokes?

Me: I feel like I need to add a swear counter or something to this video at this point. 0_o

13:27 CinemaSins: Pretty sure there would be a separate woman's jail. Right? Right?

Bob: Up until 1902, men and women were held in the same prisons in London. Quit asking rhetorical questions. And. Do. Research.

Me: What, am I supposed to crack open a bally history book every time I finish watching a bally episode of Jeeves & Wooster?

Me: Look, critiques come in all shapes and sizes. Some write in an academic style (Roger Egbert), some candidly (Jeremy Jahns), some scathingly (Ebert again), some focus on the editing side of things (Folding Ideas), the animation side (AniMat Reviews), and others write like they're a modernised version of a PG Wodehouse character from the 1930s (me).

Me: My point is, some critics, like CinemaSins, critique films as they are, as the film is playing, in the moment.

Me: You know. Like the way an average audience member watches a movie?

Me: Let them. And let CinemaSins. It's a valid method to judge a film. "It takes all sorts to build a world." There's room for critics who review films by how they captured people emotionally, but there's also room for critics who observe films on a more literal level.

Me: I feel bad about critics like who critically assess both good and bad films. They make me laugh the most with their snarky with, yet they get a lot of flak for it. One independent gave development team (we dare not speak its name, unless in hushed whispers by candlelight on a full moon) even went as far as to try and sue several critics for negatively reviewing their games. This attempt to silence the critics all led to... well... Let's just say that the Streisand Effect amuses me to no end.

Me: I know there's this dislike towards negativity and "caustic critics," but it's actually healthy to have a good whinge.

Me: If you honestly can't stand CinemaSins' negative tone, then check out their sibling channel, CinemaWins. It takes good and bad films and points out the good or awesome elements in those films.

13:50 CinemaSins: You might be thinking "Amazing sense of smell doesn't make a good superhero," and I would respond by saying, "Remember Hawkeye? He gets to be a top tier avenger and all he can do is shoot a [BEEP]ing bow and arrow."

Bob: Hawkeye has a hoverbike, f**k you!

Me: Having a hoverboard is not a skill. Shooting with a bow and arrow IS a skill. I actually have to state this? I mean, he could give that hoverbike to anyone with a compatible drivers license and they could fly it in Hawkeye's place.

Me: Or was that another one of your jokeyjokes? *Wiggles eyebrows.*

Me: Also, WHO THE HECK IS HAWKEYE?!

14:23 CinemaSins: Movie repurposes "old-timey" footage from Les Mis and Shanghai Knights.

Bob: Les Mis, Shanghai Knights and Sherloch Holmes all filmed in Greenwich. I guess it's a sin to shoot in the same location. Is this just a sh**ty jokeyjoke or a legit piece of criticism? I honestly can't tell.

Me: It's a reference/homage to Hollywood constantly filming in certain locations to do film shoots (especially Canada, due to its tax differences). You see camera crews filming stuff all the time and even handing out notices that give info on what film/show they're working on and how long they'll be there. I'm probably in the background of 257 different films and television shows simply because I'm Canadian.

Me: Canadians have very, very mixed, passionate feelings about being used to film American movies that are virtually never set in actual Canada, so I'd count this as a movie sin, yes.

14:48 Bob: Why are jokes about ejaculating allowed in these videos but cursing isn't?

Me: For the same reason double entendre jokes were allowed in 1971's "The Two Ronnies," but cursing wasn't: Because double entendre has a layer of subtext that hides its taboo nature from younger audiences (making it often "go above their heads"), but swearing doesn't. Unless you censor it in some way.

Me: The Two Ronnies' comedy sketch "Crossed Lines" literally has every other line a sex-related joke and it's considered to be a masterpiece of English double entendre. Check it out.

17:46: CinemaSins: The three main characters take down all-20-plus henchmen without the slightest injury.

Bob: By "20-plus henchmen" do you really mean six dudes?

Me: Hey, we're all allowed to hyperbole. I've been doing it like 50 times in this essay alone. :D

17:53 Adler: Moriarty. Please don't underestimate him.

CinemaSins: Irene is just saying "and we need a plot for the next movie."

Bob: Would you prefer the sequel to have a villain that comes out of nowhere, or is teased a little bit? Do all those Marvel post-credits scenes with Thanos make you really mad?

Me: I would prefer a film to be restrained enough to not sequel bait and allow itself to be its own, self-contained story.

Me: Also, sequel-baiting is slowly growing to be a hugely frowned-upon trend in films. It can smack of the creators being over-confident that they'll get enough money to warrant a sequel (The Last Airbender film anyone?) and well as manipulating the audience in an underhanded way. People are getting upset over sequel hooks, especially this year (2017) with films like King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (which was revealed to be a setup to six more films. I kid you not.), The Snowman (which was planned on being possibly a franchise. Which is ironic, since the film is literally incomplete but was released anyway), The Dark Tower (which was meant to lead to a television series), and Murder on the Orient Express (which ends with a sequel hook that, if you've read Agatha's Christie's Death on the Nile, creates a staggering plotting issue that I honestly have no idea how the writers will get around if the sequel does get made).

Me: I don't watch Marvel movies, so I don't know if Thanos makes me mad. Would he make me mad? Probably.

18:55 Bob: (Final Tally) Closing remarks: I have never seen someone simultaneously watch and not watch a film before. So thanks for that I guess.

Me: I've never had to type so much nitpicking-related stuff about a nitpicker before. Not since last Tuesday. So thanks for that I guess.

Me: No, really, thanks for that, Bob. This was cathartic. Genuinely.

Me: If people want to nitpick my nitpick of nitpicking and nitpicker who is nitpicking another nitpicker who's nitpicking a movie, please fell free to. Whatever you title it is bound to be hilarious, and I could do with a jolly good laugh.

-Katy

Also, here's Bobvid's YouTube Channel. *cough*Shameless plug he didn't ask for but I'm adding it anyway.*cough*

Bob, you've been a sweetheart. Keep making your videos.

"I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."- From Roger Ebert's review of North (1994)

Gee, I hope I don’t come off as too narky in this essay. This is such a big experiment. I’m so nervous about this ahhhhhhh--

[rkxangel]

reach for your dreams; performance!

pov: jung soojung / krystal valentine jung episode: 3 song: reflection - christina aguilera ( 0:11-3:11 ) instrument: piano keyboard outfit: white gown

( tw: mention of bullying past & loss! )

        this is probably the best stage for her, soojung believes so. that’s because she’s going to sing one of her most favourite songs, with all her heart. it isn’t only singing, but showcasing her piano ability. too bad she couldn’t play a masterpiece, such as the grand piano itself, but a piano keyboard will do. it makes up for a lot of things, it’s also viable because of stage that isn’t so spacious. she can’t zone herself out in such an environment. soojung feels like she’s in the limelight when she’s singing all by herself, she’s used to being alone for too long. not relying any assets on others, she only has herself this time around. she didn’t mind the other girls, but she much prefers this.

        it doesn’t take too long for the song to start playing. before she opens up her voice to the public, she takes a bow and introduces herself in front of the camera, the public who are watching royal survival. “my name is jung soojung, a young girl from france. though, i go by soojung, i wish to be called krystal.. either one works though.” she threw in a little fact that she much prefers her english name than her native korean one, but soojung is a lot convenient being in the country and she’s been addressed that for the past two years she’s been residing in south korea. sometimes, soojung isn’t sure if she regrets being on the show or not. she can’t determine if she’s wasted a lot of time, and effort being on a survival show. but she’s learned at this point that life’s about learning, she can’t stop learning now. she’ll have to push through to garner all the experience.

        though, if she gets eliminated at the end, she knows where she stands and that she just might not be debut-ready unlike others who are far better than her. there’s always room for improvement, she apprehends that. devoting herself to the music world gave her serenity, lifting her up from the pain. and she won’t be hurt if she has to leave because some part of her misses sphere truly and dearly, what it has to provide for her. if things go well and she stays with royal, she’ll have to show her strength and loyalty elsewhere that isn’t the company that bred her. in fact, despite her training, she was a vocal prowess before sphere. her technique and melisma only got better, there’s benefits but it’s putting herself on the spot that’s all worth it.

        she remembers watching disney movies with her mother. oh, how a little girl she was with a big heart before turning into the ice queen, soojung's heart pangs but she'll manage. the memories hit her, that's when she's the weakest but reflection ( the song she's going to sing ) will show her emotions. her struggles, obstacles that she's passed through like a game of hurdles, and a part of her inner self. she's kept quiet for so long that sometimes, even the quietest people want to speak up. mulan was a movie that she could really relate to but she doesn't know if she's like mulan, admired by the whole of china after her major duties to protect her country. the song is in english, so thank god she wouldn’t have such a difficult time singing at all. english was her second language, she prefers speaking in english than korean because it’s more fluid with her ( in terms of communication ).

        opening her mouth to sing, she follows through the song while carefully pressing on the keys on the keyboard accurately. she's practised for day and night that she can't screw over. she's memorised the piano sheet since she was young. this was one of the few songs her instructor wanted her to learn. nevertheless, it's been far too long, ten years? but she's grown into a talented young lady.

look at me you may think you see who i really am but you'll never know me every day it's as if i play a part now i see if i wear a mask i can fool the world but i cannot fool my heart

who is that girl i see staring straight back at me? when will my reflection show who i am inside?

        a slight cringe on her face, recalling the good old times when she was a child back in england, before she lost everything and had to play by a mask day by day. the facade that the public knows her by has pained her. she wonders if it's truly who she is underneath and not the same caring person ( that's a part of her interior ). shy, introverted, quiet, and often misunderstood. quite frankly, not many know how soojung operates. she's like a time-bomb, self-destructive and willing to implode anytime but there are other things she can offer. but that's like the world of the korean industry, no one knows what they're really thinking inside. labelled with an epitome by their company to be this and that. do this and that, it's immensely tiring. she wants to heave a sigh from her pink lips but can't do so.

i am now in a world where i have to hide my heart and what i believe in but somehow i will show the world what's inside my heart and be loved for who i am

        she wants to tear up, the ice princess doesn't crumble down like this. not her walls that a lot of people are convinced is impregnable. that's false, lies composed by those who are ignorant. she has a warm side to her, it just comes with time. someway, somehow, just as she sings the lyrics from the bottom of her soul, she can show that she's not a bad person and will be accepted by society. she's had many occasions where she's been rejected, undermined, and underestimated because of being a half-breed. often told that her blood was "impure", high school sucked for her. she was a shut-in who focused on getting into a good university, with little expectations being in the idol world. she "strong" facade tapers, tears swell her eyes.

        the notes are high, this is where she has to concentrate on her breathing control. she's focusing to make sure her larynx is open, not sealed and tight that the notes will render strain. she can't sing from her throat. luckily for her, her voice is a soprano and high notes are better for her than the lower notes. soojung's melisma branched out, she's learned the proper way and healthier way to belt out high notes.

who is that girl i see staring straight back at me? why is my reflection someone i don't know? must i pretend that i'm someone else for all time? when will my reflection show who i am inside?

there's a heart that must be free to fly that burns with a need to know the reason why

        transitioning to the near end of the song while she holds herself together from dispersing, her play on the piano is consistent. the instrumental sounds smooth, the flow is accurate like the song. she's more concerned about her vocal colours, her voice can get airy at times but that's her tone; light, unique, and pleasing to the ears. it's not a high-pitched sound at all, not like a mere screech. as the notes get higher, she assures not to sound shaky and uncontrollable on the mic, facing away from it a little ( she's sitting on a seat cause she still has to play the piano ).

why must we all conceal what we think, how we feel? must there be a secret me i'm forced to hide? i won't pretend that i'm someone else for all time when will my reflection show who i am inside?

        she'll never know the reason why society is so harsh on her but she shouldn't ask why anymore. the world is a evil and cruel place, but be better than what life throws at you.

        the song ends and she wipes the little bit of tears away from her eyes, she bows and gives her appreciation and ‘thank you’.

[lypreila]

Whoo got tagged ages ago by @jawsandbones , but I’m a lazy fuck so I took till now to get back to her!  Sorry boo!  Tagging only a few.  @fireheartedkaratepup @the-tevinter-biscuit @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses @the-rxven-king but only if they want to!  If you want to and I didn’t tag you, consider yourself tagged! @(insert your name here)

1ST RULE: tag 10 people you want to get to know better 2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller (I THOUGHT I WAS BUT I JUST FOUND OUT I’M 5′6.5″ ANDI FEEL BETRAYED) I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (Legit)

ABILITY: I can sing well (not as good as I used to.  I used to compete) I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

LAST:

Last drink: Coca-Cola.  Sweet, Sweet caffeine and sugar

Last phone call: Dealing with Western Union support to get a customer a refund.  I low key wanted to break something. 

Last text message: To my friend “Hey Arkham Asylum GOTY is on sale for 4 bucks on Green Man” 

Last song you listened to: Praying by Kesha

Last time I cried: A while ago.  Yall may or may not know I’ve recently been put on Prozac for the depression and I believe it’s working very well. 

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: Ye

Been cheated on: Yes.  Fuck him. 

Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes

Lost someone special: Yes

Been depressed: :See above. 

Been drunk and thrown up: I invoke my constitutional right not to incriminate myself.  (Too many times to count.  I liked drinking when I was a teenager/young adult.  Not so much anymore though)

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: I have, oddly enough

Fallen out of love: Nope!

Laughed until you cried: Yes! 

Met someone who changed you: I have.  It was all for the good and I love her for it.  

Found out who your true friends are: Not really.  That all happened in 2014/15.  

Found out someone was talking about you: Nope

GENERAL:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life: One.  A small bean who’s a good artist and the niece of my friend.  I’ve known her since she was a wee babby.  She’s more active on deviant art though.  She cosplayed as Asriel for Hudson Valley Comic Con!!

Do you have any pets: There’s 8 cats and 3 dogs in my house please kill me.  2 cats and 1 pup are mine. 

Do you want to change your name: I wanted to add Elizabeth  after my middle name because it sounded fancy. 

What time did you wake up this morning: Morning? 

What were you doing last night: Re-certifying my Anti-Money Laundering, Western Union, and Prepaid access certifications.  Passed with flying colors, which is good considering I can go to jail if I screw up some of the record keeping requirements or allow someone into the system by accident.  

Name something you cannot wait for: @jawsandbones book to be done and out :D:D:D:D

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: OH every damn week.  Let me tell yall about Tom Bombard, aka Tom Bombadil, aka Tom the Bomb.  The man has trouble hearing but won’t admit it, hates his wife and family, is the slowest cashier i ever have the misfortune to supervise, and has more ear hair than ANYONE I’VE EVER SEEN IT’S FREAKY.  There’s like a magical forest growing and poofing out if his ears.  Plus poofy chest hair poofing out of his shirt which he leaves the top button unbuttoned.  He is old and short and this is not at all sexy.  

What’s getting on your nerves rn: The fact that I make minimum wage despite doing 3 different jobs, all of which should have a higher pay grade.  But hey.  THey pay minimum wage, they get minimum wage effort.  Except when I’m in the office.  Then they get 110% because I’m doing it for my fellow office bitches, all of whom I love dearly. 

Blood type: ?

Nickname: Shmemmy or Ly. 

Relationship status: Married.  12 years on Nov 27th.  I got married literally 6 months after I turned 21. 

Zodiac sign: Leo.

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite tv show: Right now?  Bojack Horseman, Steven Universe, Archer. I”m more of a documentary person. 

College: Going back soon hopefully. 

Hair colour: Red/orange. 

Do you have a crush on someone: I get crushes every 5 seconds.  They don’t last. 

What do you like about yourself: I am a loyal fucker, and an insanely good multi-tasker when it comes to work. 

FIRSTS:

First surgery: 0.  I are lucky. 

First piercing: Ears, followed by Labret (chin) followed by nose. 

First sport you joined: Equestrian

First vacation: Disney?  I was so young.  Went to Saratoga almost every year, a house in the catskills twice a year.  Out of state every couple of years.  

First pair of sneakers: Kiddo, I can’t remember. 

Eating: Tiddy milk. 

Drinking: I tasted beer when I was about 8?  To this day I’m not a big fan, I prefer liquor. 

I’m about to: Play Overwatch.

Listening to: Criminal Minds in the background. 

Want kids: No, I can barely care for myself. 

Get married: Been there, still doing that. 

Career:  I want to go into medical stuff. 

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: Both

Hugs or kisses: Hugs 

Shorter or taller: Taller…

Older or younger: Doesn’t really matter to me. 

Romantic or spontaneous: Both!

Sensitive or loud: Quiet down you kids!!!

Hook up or relationship: Relationship!

Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends.  I can be a troublemaker.  In spring I liberated a bouncy horse thing from a playground. (I say liberated - I mean stole.  It was broken off of its base and could never be fixed.  His name is Lord Mc Bumblefuck and he lives in my garage now.)

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: Nope!

Drank hard liquor: Ye.

Lost glasses/contacts: NOpe

Sex on first date: Nope

Broken someone’s heart: I don’t know about that.  Maybe. 

Been arrested: Ye

Turned someone down: Yes

Fallen for a friend: Twice.  Married the second one. ;-)

DO YOU BELIEVE:

In yourself: Nah

Miracles: I believe in the universe. 

Love at first sight: Hah no. 

Heaven: Sort of. 

Santa Claus: All things are real in the minds of those who believe them!. 

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

1-100

…are you joking

no one on this earth wants to know that much about me 

you asked for it:

-

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

The intention is always more cereal than milk, and yet… it always ends up being the opposite. 

-

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

…as an Australian, NO

-

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Heh, what DON’t I use? 

Receipts, assignments, old documents, letters, other books, string, anything i can lean it against and hold it open with, etc.

even the odd obliging cat’s paw for a few minutes

-

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

~I drink neither, I am boring like that~

-

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Yeah, I’m aware of how fucking ridiculous I look when I smile, and my non-perfect teeth.

-

6: do you keep plants?

not currently, but I used to have sunflowers and such

7: do you name your plants?

not usually, which is odd bc i name literally everything else

-

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

~writing~

words are easy

have tried painting and drawing but i’m just so shithouse at it

-

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Y~E~S

all the time

-

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

All, depends on the day really.

-

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

Well, a few years back for some reason some irl friends and I would randomly start singing the Narwhals Narwhals song, or reply ‘the dirt is gone!’ after anyone said ‘Bam!’

but recently? online? uhhhhhhh… well, i send shitty mouse-drawn-in-Paint pics to the ever-patient camiluna27 and she finds polite things to say about them… which is our little joke

-

12: what’s your favorite planet?

Like my favourite Sailor Scout, it’s Jupiter.

-

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

Our foster puppy is coming today

-

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

it wouldn’t matter what it looked like, we’d make it work even if our only furniture was a minifridge and a beanbag… sharing the chores, watching stupid shit at night, complaining or joking with each other, etc.

-

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

It takes 230 million years for our solar system to make a single orbit around the Milky Way.

-

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Tuna Mornay (? never been sure how it’s spelled tbh)

-

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

BLUE

-

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

my brain is blanking, and yet last night i know i was recalling something really stupid…

-

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

Nah, i just shitpost my angst or delight onto this site… 

-

20: what’s your favourite eye color?

I have no preference for eye colour.

-

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

Oh, I got this shoulder bag thing from The Harry Potter Experience when it came to Australia… it’s half-covered in an ever-changing bunch of badges (keep losing and finding them/getting new ones). it’s been left in the sun, saturated, pelted with hail as i ran for cover, etc. 

-

22: are you a morning person?

I never used to be… but since the antidepressants, i’m finding mornings way easier.

-

23: what’s your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

mess about on the computer, usually

video games or writing something, or chatting with people i can no longer see physically/it would be super expensive to meet irl

-

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

yeah, a few

-

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

???? who in the hell is breaking into enough places to have a top ten list?

-

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Heh, I just have a handful of cheap-ass shoes I got from Big W a few years ago and I get cheap insert things to keep them alive. I randomly put on any pair i can find, whether they match the outfit or not… what other choice do you have with big lady feet and soft skin?

-

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Fruity

-

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunset. 

Sunrise means I’ve been awake too long and have Fucked Up ™

-

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

not to bring her up consistently, but camiluna27 literally drew fanart of one of my fanfics (the first ever??? holy shit) and I was so goddamn flattered I almost couldn’t believe it… someone liked my trash and DREW SOMETHING?

such talent. much love. so excite. wow.

-

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Pfft, yeah, probably. 

-

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

Socks are good.

I am making a sock right now, in viking fashion, it looks ridiculous.

Sleep? In winter, sometimes.

MISMATCHED SOCKS WERE A GODDAMN FASHION STATEMENT AT SCHOOL HELL YEAH

-

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Well there were two funny things.

the first one was this massive sleepover party, and the minute the lights went off with all these adolescents sardined on the floor (teens but like, everyone was just chilling nothing nsfw happening), the marshmallow war began

it’s 3am and people are being PELTED with the goddamn things in the dark it was chaos.

the other time, i’d gone to a party thing, put up a tent to stay over like the others and this other girl at the party i’d just befriended (along with her highly anxious friend i managed to calm down) was not sure how to get home and i’m like… stay in my tent i have space it’s chill

we’re sleeping in jeans bc that seemed like a good idea at the time (it was NOT)

everyone’s STARVING. like, no real FOOD was at this party (New Years party?) we had chips and softdrink and that was it… and i dunno if you know this, but no amount of like, chicken-flavoured chips will fill up the aching hollow in your stomach for Real Food

so we’re talking bc we’re awake, relative strangers who are starving together in a tent they’re intending to share the night in, and we get on to SUPERNATURAL

i loved the show still it wasn’t the disaster it became, yet… and she admits that the S1 episode with the Wendigo freaked her out… and i’m like, hah, yeah, glad we’re not in a tent with woods around, huh? bc i am an asshole… that was pretty much where we were

and around the same time, the free-roaming chickens on the property are slowly moving past and making satanic noises, freaking her out more so i changed the topic to calm things down… but then, later on (waaaaaaaaay too early in the morning bc some of us had to pee early and it was Effort™ ) i get back to the tent to find a Chicken. In. The Tent.

looking at me like *I* was being the asshole here for intruding on her rest.

the other chick-a-dee is sleeping and im thinking ‘well fuck she’ll freak if the chicken’s randomly there when she wakes… and i try to subtly get the chicken out, and if you know chickens… you can understand how i failed

it was hilarious, and disastrous. 

-

33: what’s your fave pastry?

don’t know, really

-

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

Oh! I still have them.

There’s two, one called (creatively) Teddy, who wore a yellow onesie the Parental Unit made for him. My fondest memory of him was this time in kindy where we took our teddies in bc it was ‘Teddy Bear Picnic Day’, and during naptime, the teachers took the teddies and hid them around the playground…

We had to find them when we woke up.

Teddy had one foot in the top of the fence and looked like he was trying to leave/escape… i told the Parental Unit this story a thousand times over the years, the poor bugger.

The other one was made for me, after Parental Unit had a dream i’d be a girl. Her name is Heidi (you know, after the song? ‘Heidi, Heidi, Heidi ho, the elephant walks oh so slow’), she’s a pink elephant in a tutu and lovely and she and ted are hella safe for now.

-

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I do like them, and when i get a special pen i use it for EVERYTHING, then flounder to find a basic pen when it runs dry

-

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

I don’t know, i’m not really feeling anything.

What’s that song that’s just 3 minutes of silence?

-

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

>.> Messy

When it’s clean, it’s Clean ™

But when it’s messy… >.>

-

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

*unfurls list*

people who stand in the way and block entire corridors to chat with someone and there’s a public bench RIGHT THERE

capitalism

i can’t remember any others right now but i know there’s LOTS… 

-

39: what colour do you wear the most?

Most of my outfits have black in them. We can pretend it’s slimming.

-

40: think of a piece of jewellery you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

I have a dragon ring, my estranged godmother bought it for me from this massive local market we once went to, back in like 2007/2008? 

I love it so much for some reason (not so much th godmother tbh, she’s a pain) and it’s mass-produced, but i love it… wear it almost everywhere

-

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

Out of the Black Land by Kerry Greenwood

-

42: do you have a favourite coffee shop? describe it!

~nope~

-

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

Well, I looked up at them on the way inside the other night and pointed them out to the Parental Unit. They’re pretty stunning here, without city lights to obscure them.

-

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

??????????????????? that’s a thing?

-

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Perpetually, always. 

-

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I can’t, you’ll punish me.

-

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

that mayonnaise-peas pizza thing i just saw, WHY

-

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

I feared the wild animals in the dark when i was locked outside, and also feared Huntsman Spiders.

Today? the spiders and anything in the dark can square the fuck up, and fight my fear of disappointing everyone/failing

-

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

used to, but the CD player in the car broke… so now i just use the ipod/itunes

-

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

…monster high dolls, hardy boys books, comic books

-

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh mind blank

-

52: what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

Cask of Amontillado and Joe Biden memes have been awesome

-

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

Rocky Horror? Good, interesting.

heathers? pulp fiction? no

beetlejuice? seemed a lot more exciting when i was little

-

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

our puppy

she’s learned the exact sad face to make when she wants someone to go outside and play ball

-

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

can’t think of anything overtly, honestly

unless you count ‘yeah i can use a swivel chair instead of a ladder’ and the inevitable falling through a bookcase

-

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

Honesty, Humour, Excitement and Communication/Connection, Creativity

When they energise, not drain

-

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

it has always been interesting, and it makes you feel dramatic… 

i can neither confirm nor deny…

-

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

no idea

-

59: what’s your favourite myth?

define myth

like ‘mermaids are a thing’, or ‘that time a god did _____’ or like, ‘swimming right after eating can give you stomach cramps’?

-

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

used to

-

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

uhhhhhhhh literally any fanfic i give as a gift, is stupid

i got two little plastic dicks as a joke gift from someone as a secret santa thing (another time i got a $2 piece of trash bag thing the size of my hand that broke the second i touched it, and i was rather upset)

-

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

no, but my fave juice is apple blackcurrant or tropical

-

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

well, depends, i try to keep the series together and stuff, but mostly it’s ‘if it fits, it sits’ in the bookshelf

-

64: what colour is the sky where you are right now?

obscenely blue, like, you’d think it was computer generated blue

-

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

Yeah

-

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

…something with blue flowers, but let’s be real, the chance to wear a flower crown would be amazing even if they were all corpse flowers

-

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

they are otherworldy and beautiful, they have a different energy to sunny days 

-

68: what’s winter like where you live?

Cold. Stubbornly wearing shorts and tank tops claiming you’re not cold. putting four layers on the bed bc what. the. FUCK.

-

69: what are your favourite board games?

Cluedo, Monopoly

-

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Nah, that seems like a terrible idea. I refuse to be That White Girl™ who invites demons in…

-

71: what’s your favourite kind of tea?

Mortali-tea

Nah, none, i don’t drink tea or coffee, i am BORING. 

I am the Beige of people, beverage-wise.

-

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

Sometimes. Esp. recently, I find noting it down helps, but usually I remember more than i assume i will.

-

73: what are some of your worst habits?

Lazy/procrastinate, eats stupid shit I SHOULD NOT BC I AM FAT AS FUCK, overthinks, boring.

-

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

amazingly talented, fun, incredibly aesthetically pleasing, open, understanding, brilliant and a pleasure to interact with.

-

75: tell us about your pets!

Okay, so we have four cats and a doggo.

The two oldest cats are sisters, aged 11; very loving but also tiny murder machines so they’re inside mostly.

Two youngest half-siblings, aged 7; one is the perpetual kitten who loves affection, the other is a slinky boi who comes to you if he wants love, and not before (adores my sibling tho, their bond is strong).

Doggo is the baby, she’s 3 i think? Always energetic.

+ a foster puppy we just got today, just now, and she’s fuckin’ adorable but like, a massive ball of energy.

-

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

cleaning

-

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

PINK hell yeah

-

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

HATE

i will fight ALL of them to the DEATH

-

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

Listened to me complaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain

Also drew me art for no reason i mean, c’mon that’s so cute

-

80: what colour are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

Light blue, yep. loved it, and also it went with the underwater theme the family did

-

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Amazing as orbs go.

-

82: are/were you good in school?

generally, shit at chemistry though (but then, if an entire class fails an exam, you don’t ask the students whose fault it is)

-

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

uhhhh not sure

-

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

maybe dunno

-

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

my dude, so many.

Batman, Nightwing, Wonder Woman, Teen Titans, The Titans, ElfQuest, Avengers, New Avengers, Saga, Hawkeye, uhhhhhhhhh, like, i have HEAPS...

-

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i have no idea what that is

-

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

St Trinians, love that movie...

AVATAR

-

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

...good question, i have no idea what you’re asking

-

89: are you close to your parents?

The Parental Unit literally knows every facet of my being bc i can discuss anything with them. Even if we clash on ideologies or whatevs.

The Other One’s a violent stalker, so no, not that one.

-

90: talk about your one of you favourite cities.

I have been to like, Brisbane and Sydney... not a huge pool of cities to compare from. Uh, I like that there are so many comic book shops in brisbane tbh...

-

91: where do you plan on travelling this year?

Probs Brisbane.

-

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Depends on the type of pasta, really.

-

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

Plaits. Keeps it out of the way.

-

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Sibling. I went all out with their gifts and am barely making it to monday... but it was worth it.

-

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

>get foster puppy

>chill/be boring bc you are the human equivalent of the colour beige

-

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

Procrastinate, mostly. ‘Restart required’ lol nope, you can wait...

-

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

ENTP, Gemini, Gryffindor

-

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

oh god no. Grade 9 they had this youth action program... sent us orienteering in the bush... up a mountain, down a moutain, through the fucking lantana six times because the boys in the class have the map and can’t fucking read it right but ‘girls can’t read maps so why would we give it to you’...

it was a goddamn disaster, but we survived. hated it, so much

-

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

Sia’s ‘The Greatest’, ‘Move Your Body’ and ‘Unstoppable’

‘This is Gospel’,  ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’, ‘Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time’, and ‘Golden Days’ by Panic! at the Disco

‘Never Coming Back to Earth’ by Steve Aoki & Fall Out Boy

Most of the songs by Lindsey Stirling

‘Heroes’ by Generdyn

‘I Hope You Die In A Fire’

‘Wait For It’ and ‘History Has Its Eyes On You’ from HAMILTON

‘Assassin, Murder, Monster’ and ‘Chase the Morning’ from REPO! the Genetic Opera

‘The Beauty Underneath’ from Love Never Dies

-

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

I’d slam both at once and launch myself into a temporal paradox so i simultaneously never existed and also always existed therefore becoming a GOD...

[theday]

hide and seek, fireworks, my style, coloured, your love, dream might (romantic or platonic? i love options), i'll be there, because it's you ((((:, you smile, with you, and better with you!!!!

thank you so much for aksing falen i love these and it also got super long lmao rip

Hide & Seek: what’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone new?

in real life, its probably their shoes/socks?????? LMAO and then their appearance but im trying 2 not let their appearance stop me from becoming friends with them :-o

online, i usually??? read ppl’s abouts first???? but idk like when it comes to actually talking to them i guess itd be their typing style?? and their use of emojis/the gif function (jenny) helps me to assess them although i do know that the way they type =/= how they are as a person but thats just what i notice first

Fireworks: name something astro’s done that has made your heart explode

falen u rly had 2 do it to me? ????? but hrm…. whenever they post selcas and when they just laugh every time myungjun laughs thats the shit that gets me the most bc its so/???? pur??e??? i love them a lot theyre always so happie and theyre all smiles every time they do a vlive it makes me happie

My Style: what do you usually wear out?

clothes not 2 sound like a loner but. i rarely go outside bc i only go outside when my family eat out and thats only on like weekends and if im hanging out with pals so i always get the chance to wear the same shirt, shorts and shoes lmao 

but its a black cat shirt (used to be a button up thing but singapore is 2 hot 4 me) and blue shorts and white converse 

Coloured: favourite MV aesthetic? 

ok real talk all of their mvs are so pretty and everything??? but my favourite has to be baby or csc

Your Love: top three astro songs

o w0rm

again

confession

every minute 

Dream Night: describe a dream date with anyone

idk?? smth ive always wanted 2 do with anyone is just walk through a park or just walk when the weather is not 2 hot or 2 cold (ike what binuki did in their recent vlive) 

if we’re getting more romantic mayb just??? cuddling???? idk i rly cant see this happening tbh 

I’ll Be There: fave astro vlive you’d watch over and over again?

but theres so many :-( but possibly all of eunwoo’s just 10 minutes with binnie :-0 the shrek vlive with the ice cream made me laugh so hard though mmMM

Because It’s You: why do you love your astro bias?

ur rly gna make me do all 6 members falen??????? ill try 2 keep it short

myungjun; binnie said he was sure mj wouldnt make it into astro and im assuming its because he was the one who was a trainee the shortest but??? look at him now with his strong vocals and even stronger personality!!! astro mightve done fine without mj but listen.. their vlives, appearance on variety shows, etc. would never be able to be as funny because mj is the reason for everyones laughter and it makes me so happy??? mj has that ability to crack anybody up with his laugh and the shit he says and does is so funny too pleaseth and i just?? appreciate mj for being there so fucking  much because he really resolves any tension in the atmosphere so easily and as the oldest member im so glad to see he doesnt find anything awkward AND despite the age gap between him and sanha, theyre like the closest?? lets not forget on that one radio thing yesterday they (astro) were asked who they were most comfy with in the dorm and 3/5 answered myungjun :_) im just happy myungjun exists? thank u mj i love u mister 777

PARK JINWOO; jinjin is the one of the sweetest leaders out there and i know every group has a great leader but jinjin is really that leader to me because as the rest of astro have mentioned before, jinwoo really buys them shit and they have said that he is the sweetest?? remember in the fan made fanmeeting i dont know what its called but i linked it and just??? jinjin is literally an angel!!! the one vlive he did with dogs? my heart melted off!!!!!! he really went and learnt the names of all the dogs present in the dog cafe!!!! he stopped the black dog which was biting hard on the table bc he was scared it’d injure itself/get in trouble and just??? jinwoo is so fucking nice just ??? if u look in the dictionary park jinwoo will appear as a synonym believe me ok and jinjin is part of dance line everybody lets not forget that he dances to release stress and that amaizng intro to again he did with rocky for their dream pt2 showcase because that was fucking so ?? i love talent and! AND i will never shut up but as a leader jinwoo takes care of his members so much and he also knows how to have fun with them and he jsut!!!!! i love him a lot

cha! eu! nwoo! (dongmin); i know 4 a fact that this will get so long lmao rip but first i just wanted to say that i am so proud of dongmin and how far he has come as a dancer and vocalist in astro ok so obviously i dont know the real hard facts tm and i can never tell the difference in anything so i dont know how accurate i really am but last year (and even now) i know eunwoo had a lot of personal schedules and he barely had time to practice? ?? i really dont know but im p sure that was it???? idk but dongmin has had to work so hard the whole of last year with the amount of comebacks astro did and i jus??? im so proud of eunwoo for being able to work hard for astro and still attend all those other schedules at the same time??? like i said idk how much time he did have/didnt have but i know it mustve been little with how late it would be whenever he arrived back at the dorm after his stuff and??? eunwoo had to practice his lines and the dance (astro’s choreography looks hard as shit and its tiring too) in time for their comeback promotions ??? and!! dongmin used to be that member (now its all of astro) who would constantly do vlives for arohas and lets not forget his just one 10 minutes where he would do vlives that were always over 10 minutes where he just talks to fans im eternally grateful for all the work dongmin puts in for astro and arohas and im sure he puts in more than 100% effort when it comes to his personal schedules too!!!! dongmin deserves the best and ive seen someone say b4 that he’d probably feel bad if he had more lines bc he was already “stealing” the spotlight by being a “face genius” and i just!! youre righ??t???? eunwoo is incredibly selfless and its easy 2 assume these kinda things tbh lee dongmin is so much more than his face and visuals he is a hardworker and!!! he loves his members and fans so damn much im !!! i love eunwoo so much i hope he knows how much we love him 

binnie; god with bin there isnt somethiing that made me love him??? all he did was go :) and my brain decided i was gonna love him forever ok but……hrm….. i guess i love him because hes such a dork?? like. .. when he laughs he just snorts and its so funny lmao i believe bin’s a good friend too well no shit ?? uMMm moon bin has a cute smile yall…… whenever he smiles my heart explodes hes just that powerful and also!!! bin has been a trainee for 7 years now and im just !! he made it!! like what the post i reblogged earlier said, he probably had other dreams but he still stuck with being an idol ??? in the end and that !!! im sad he didnt get to pursue the things he couldve liked better but im also happy hes managed to find a dream he likes and that hes basically living the dream right now??? and im so happy for him because 7 years may not be a lot to some but bin’s still young his childhood was basically training??? im just!!!!!!!!!!! so proud of him and now hes on the same kind of music shows his faves are on too nd it makes me rly proud (idk any other words my vocabulary is so fucking weak oh my god) he is having the time of his life with astro and arohas right now im so glad i forgot what i wanted 2 say im sorry bin i did u dirty im2 tense rn but i love u and i love bin bc of how much hes done and the amt of scarifies he has 2 have made in order 2 get 2 where he is tdy 

rocky swag (minhyuk); minhyuk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love him because !! hes so awkward but he tries his best for arohas!!!!!!!!!! in that first vlive he did alone he was so nervous but he managed to warm up and in the next vlive he did alone he did something that he was comfortable with (dance) and im glad he’s able to do vlives normally now even if there isnt any recent solo vlives i can see how much more comfortable he is on vlive now !!!!!! my love for minhyuk is similar to bin’s bc all he did was smile and suddenly????? im in love???? its the swag lmao but seriousy tho after finding out rocky did all sorts of dance i found him really??? respectable??? because he was able to learn so many types of dance and isnt that the coolest thing ever???? lets not forget how well he can sing???? im happy and so proud (jesus) that he sang on the recent album since previously he said that he didnt hvae any plans of singing in the albums so!!!! now!! hes singing!!!!!!!!!!! although the songs dont do him justice tbh its ok we all know how lovely he sounds when he sings especially in the binuki vlive where he sang wyls i swer my ear drums were blessed?? park minhyuk can do anything get urself a legend like rocky so basiclaly i love rocky aka park minhyuk bc hes just!!!!! outstanding???? hes handsome, he can dance really fucking well, he can sing and rap !!!!!!!!!!!!! and?? hes just a fool??? he’s warming up to doing vlives and just being himself and its the greatest thing ever i love him a lot

sanha; YOON SANHA!!!!!!!!! Love of my LIFE the baby i will protect for the rest of my LIFe??????? he is DAT boi .. the boy i love so much with my whole heart!! sanha is so cute and he just!! hes always making fun and bullying the older members i love it so much but ofc everyones weak 4 sanha bc b*tch is 2 cute honestly can relate if sanha punched or stole my money ill let him off bc hes just that cute . lets not forget he learnt how 2 play the guitar all by himslef jae is shaking ok and sanha is such a nice voice?????? every time he screams i lose my hearing its ok id do anything 4 this boy???? and to think hes only (1) year older than me is kinda??? wowie???? sanha is rly out here being a superstar and a student @ the same time and hes doing an awesome job @ being amazing !!! sanha is so cute and just?????? he loves his other members and family so much i love sanha a lot and i hope nobody will ever make him cry (sad tears) bc i will personally go to that person and we’ll have a nice chat :-) i cant think of anything atm but sh loves arohas so much and hes always doing aegyo 4 us idk its just . … thakn u young prince

You Smile: name three things that have made you smile in the past week

ok easy

mx comeback

daily astro vlives (its okay if they dont do vlives everyday they have 2 rESt)

becoming friends with lovely mbbs :_) 

with you: talk about a mutual without using their name

how long is this answer gonna be oh w0rm.. but here we go this is abt someone who ive never talked about but do talk 2 p often and theyre the other online person i am most comfortable with talking 2!!!!! 

theyre great tbh and rly good @ art and i know theyve gone through so many shit things in their life but im so glad theyre still hanging on even if their sleep schedule is totally wack still love u tho lmao at least theyre getting more than enough sleep!! theyre cute when they see sanha and it makes me soft seeing them go soft bc theyre never that warm??? when it comes 2 other ppl (kihyun crying) and im just so glad i managed to help them get (further) into astro!! being able to talk to somebody about astro has helped me so much and then i became friends with jen but im still so thankful to have a friend like [redacted] and im happy we’re friends!!!!!!!! i love them so much and i hope their days are filled with happiness even if it doesnt last for long i hope they have at least (1) happy time each day bc they deserve the BEST!!!!!!!!!!! 

even when i was still a young myday they helped me by providing links and everything just telling me where everything was and i was so :_) bc!!! they !! a bigger account was helping me someone who didnt even have 20 followers at that time and without them i wouldve never found anything tbh!!! even now when im the one whos been into astro longer, they still manage to find things so much faster than me and imlike?????? wow thats amaizng???? theyre amazing and i appreciate their presence on my tl/dash and in my dms so much thats one of the reasons why i thought they were older bc of how mature and just?? the older vibe they gave off was strong with they way they help people and whenever they comment on my tweets or someone else’s tweets im like !!!!!!!!! you’re doing amazing sweetie 

theyre so easy to talk to and even though our humor was something i thought was very different we manage to make each other laugh so much and i jsut!!! happiness!!!!!!! 

ok this was abt bell and i dnt think they’ll ever see this but if u do i love u a lot bell thank u for being alive ur so funnie and cute just thank u so mch!!! for everything

better with you: your favourite memory related to astro?

every time i watch them on vlive live i get so happy and thats my favourite memory

[augujerdeer]

What's each of your clothing styles?

Heya! Sorry we never answered ;; i saw the motif for another ask and i thought i might as well go back to the older ones

i reeeeaallly wantedot draw this onebut i'm too tired, i'll just type it out!

so i'll just speak for the people who front most! in other words the main team! we don't assign who fronts most they just so happen to be there

Me (Jamie)

i just wear,,,, whatever's available,,,,,,, THOUGH i LOVE socks,, i love hoodies and sweaters (sweater kid)! i like neutral shades of colours a lot, anything that looks and feels comfortable. i don't like dresses and skirts ;; but i;l consider it- as long as it's not girly

hooDIES

Chara

They will preferably wear anything that covers most of the body! Inspace, because they're in their own body, they change their clothes a lot when they feel like it! they actually like dark and kind of "stereotypical older teen" clothes? i don't know how to describe it

They're 14 but they don't dress cute most of the time- unless they're in a specific mood. so far the different genres of clothes they'll wear is bookworm, pastel (not girly unless they're in a specific feel), and something similar to punk but not really?, the kind of mood wearing a shirt and drooped-shouldered hoodies to show off your shoulders

they will ALSO default to sweaters (sweater kid 2),,, they own a sweater outspace! it's dark green and has a flower decal on it, if it's yellow in a pastel way, they will also wear that, anything green or preferably yellow

they're also getting yellow sneakers soon-- oh and they love boots- they love boots a. lot. and they own 4 outspace

they're the only person who can look at the mirror without getting dysphoric over 50%- also they're very very fashionable if you catch them on days they pick the clothes to wear OR are wearing not the default inspace. Inspace they will wear anything that looks good on them- will not reveal their body too much and every part is always covered so they love long sleeves

sweaters sweaters comfy comfy

Kris

anything- i swear to god- but will default to hoodies and sweaters again, (sweater kid 3), if he had the freedom, he would wear neon and hyperdelic shiny clothes but we won't let him. besides that- default is sweaters and anything big because dysphoria but also he likes hiding his hands, owens a teal sweater outspace and we're getting his sweater done outspace too for chara andhim to share

is okay with wearing shorts and shirts without long sleeves as short as short sleeves

please don't suggest wacky clothing he should look for, he's not allowed to go clothes shopping

Peter

He gets dysphoria about the body too but will try to look presentable anyway! likes to wear sweaters with collared shirts inside (sweater kid 4). it's hot because we live in a tropical country- yet he still decides to wear a shirt under a sweaterslidjsedkhsd

likes brighter or pastel colours- or the opposite but not to the point that he looks depressed (so that means you can catch him wearing maroon or dark blue- but he doesn't go out in black often)

he wears matthew's red hoodie but after he found our NASA crop hoodie he stole it and we let him and it's his now because he's baby and we love him

will wear red sneakers! he likes to match red sneakers with blue jeans of course because blue and red

if given the chance he'd always wear marvel (ironman) merch

WANTS SCIENCE SHIRTS,,,, GIVE HIM THE SCIENCE SHIRTS,,,

Sal

crying,,,,, black,,, dark colours,, black sweaters and hoodies,, black,,

OR pastel colours! heels (we have 0 because i hate them), and skirts or dresses

Needs a face mask on if possible or he will be very panicky and run to hide somewhere

he's learned not to need it while frontingbut it still makes him feel safer- so we pack some just in case and pretend we're sick '; we plan on getting him a reusable face mask!! let him choose the diesgn and stuff- he'll probably get a black one not sure

Crowley

Would also wear black and red- if not just dark colours in general- any shade or]f black and red would do though

he puts effort into his clothes and chooses what shirt should go with which pants- he wants to look as stylish as possible and always wears my shades when fronting- but tries to take them off indoors even if it makes him feel exposed

whenever he's at front and chooses clothes to wear, everyone compliments the body LSJSKJ

He's very fashionable and he acts like a wine mum, not afraid to look in the mirror to fix the body's hair and clothes- WILL try on different clothes in one sitting to see what looks best and i'm exasperated

Dakota

he's not allowed at front right now but the few times he did front was him screaming that we didn't have black jackets and red shirts,,, we don't have what he wants LSJSKSJ but he would wear only black and red if possible

[gyrlversion]

We Tried The Celebrity Spin Class That Americans Are Obsessed With

Hey, I’m Josie and I love spinning. I go twice a week most weeks. I love it so much that when I heard that SoulCycle, the cult American spin studio, was coming to the UK, I dragged my colleagues along for the ride. Literally.

From a spin snob, to a complete gym newbie, these are our thoughts…

Ben:

Spin classes completed: 0.

As someone who has never been to a gym class in their life, I was a little nervous and a bit skeptical about trying a spin class.

Sam:

Spin classes completed: 1 or 2.

I’ve done spinning a couple of times, and while it’s tiring it doesn’t kill you afterwards, which is ideal.

Hanifah:

Spin classes completed: 10+

I used to regularly attend the gym and spin classes, but I’ve recently taken a bit of a break.

Remee:

Spin classes completed: 30+

I’ve been to a fair amount of spin classes, so I know the general deal (still can’t get on the bloody bike though).

Josie:

Spin classes completed: 70+

I’m a spin snob — I know what I like when it comes to a spin class.

Hanifah: I’ve heard soooo much about SoulCycle. I’d heard that Beyoncé apparently goes, so it’s obviously supreme. I was really really excited to go and do a workout fit for Queen B! I didn’t expect it to be anything like the other spin classes I’ve been to before.

Sam: I try to attend the gym at least three times a week, but I don’t often do classes as I fear human contact and like to keep my head down when exercising. I think I’ve heard of SoulCycle being mentioned before, but before going I didn’t have any opinion on it. I’d heard it was boujie, but I was still going to show up to class in my holey trainers.

Remee: I know SoulCycle is the OG spin class, and although I’ve been to some spin classes in New York, I’d never gone to SC. I know it’s a big hit among celebrities, so I was intrigued to see if it was any more special that the others I’d been to.

Josie: I feel like anyone who has gone spinning before has heard of SoulCycle. I’d heard people utter its name as if it was the holy grail of static bicycle riding. So when I heard a studio was opening in the UK, I knew I had to try it out. I usually go to a Psycle studio as I handily have one down the road from my house and I’d heard they were basically the same thing, so I didn’t feel nervous, more intrigued about where I would see the differences and whether my loyalty to Psycle would be shaken…

Ben: Like I said, I was a bit nervous and skeptical at first, but after a few minutes I was really into it. The music got me pumped and the low-lit room really added to the atmosphere as well as not making me feel self conscious. But I’m not going to lie, the inspirational quotes and mindfulness just aren’t really my thing. If you’re into that stuff it’s cool but it’s just not for me. The playlist was great — our instructor, Josh, had a good mix of bangers and high tempo songs in there which really got me into the mood.

Hanifah: The class was great, but if I’m honest, there wasn’t too much that was uniquely SoulCycle. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love it though – I was a big fan of the candle shrine – it gave it a calming vibe. I really liked the instructor, he was motivational without being obnoxious. I appreciated the fact that he encouraged everyone to go at their own pace, because I know that these classes can get competitive at times. I loved his music – he started off with Beyoncé’s “Countdown,” and when that began I knew I’d gone to the right class.

Sam: I thought Josh was good at reminding us we didn’t need to keep up, which I needed to hear as I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to (which tbf was partly true). The room was insanely warm, and I’m NGL, it would have more pleasant in a cooler environment. I could do without all the motivational speeches, but I liked the fake candles. Music was great – a real mix of pop and indie remixes. I didn’t see any real difference between SC or doing a cycle sesh at my gym though.

Remee: The class was really good! High energy, and the instructor was super friendly and motivating. I liked the candles too, I usually go to Psycle, and they could do with some candlelight! Music was a great mix, he definitely had something for everyone. I would say though, if you’ve never done spin before, it might be a bit hard to follow and there wasn’t any effort put in to get people on the right leg and on the right beat like spin classes normally do. Maybe this is because SoulCycle’s whole mantra is a “do it at your own pace” kind of thing, but come on, for 24 quid per class, you want to know you’re doing the workout right, right??

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I whip my hair back and forth.

Josie: I love Psycle because I always come out feeling really positive and on a bit of a natural high. I’ve managed to narrow down the list of instructors to the ones that I like and I’ll always try to book classes with. I know that they will play the music I want and that I’ll come out feeling on top of the freaking world. SoulCycle gave me the same good vibes. The music was great with the soundtrack flitting between Ariana Grande, Beyoncé and Temper Trap, and the crowd was clearly feeling it. Josh was the right side of motivational without being overly cheesy. The seats of the bikes were also the comfiest spinning seats that I’ve sat on too which was a huge bonus. I did kind of miss the disco lights of Psycle, and while my colleagues all loved the candles schtick, I only found out after the class that they weren’t real flames so spent most of it imagining us all dying in a spin-related inferno which put a bit of a dampener on my mood.

Remee: This is probably the boujiest boutique gym I’ve ever been to. The space is pretty bright and clean and it definitely looks fancy. There was even facial oil on offer in the ladies changing rooms! And I never ever thought I could be impressed by a water machine, but oh my god, it was seven times filtered and it was DELICIOUS! WATER WAS DELICIOUS! The changing rooms however, were far too small. As someone who has been to spin before, I wasn’t nervous, but when loads of people started showing up the changing rooms got really hectic and started making me a bit anxious. Also, what’s the point of having three types of moisturiser if you can’t even get to it because there are 14 bare bums in the way? It was legitimately stressful being in there.

Ben: I really enjoyed the changing rooms, (I feel like the male ones must have been less busy). I literally used every product in there and they all smelt amazing. I left feeling refreshed and smelling great, which was a real feat considering how much I had been sweating during the class.

Hanifah: Going into the changing room, I noticed that it was very luxurious, but I didn’t really feel comfortable because it was so so packed! After the class I used all the products in the shower, and I felt the opulence. I would’ve loved to spend more time in there but I couldn’t get a seat, so I really just wanted to get out of there.

Sam: I was excited about all the stuff that you get given as part of signing up – towels, shoes, water. What can I say? I’m easy to please.

Josie: SoulCycle is premium. The white and yellow colour scheme feels super LA and sets you up for feeling like this is going to be a really positive experience. One negative about the whole thing was definitely the changing room situation. They were too small for the amount of people that were constantly milling in and out so while there are great facilities, you can barely reach any of them and feel like you’re taking up too much space most of the time. I would definitely recommend turning up in your gear so you don’t have to battle people before and after your class. Other than that the whole place is pretty swish. I mean, Le Labo shower gel?! Drunk Elephant moisturiser?! Dyson hairdryers?! How much money did they spend on this!

Ben: I’ve never sweated so much in my life but I feel strong AF! SoulCycle may have just converted me to spinning.

Sam: It was cute for a taste, but not for a swallow.

Remee: The class was energetic and fun, but the space is just far too small and crowded to enjoy the full experience. If it were bigger it would be great for a workout when you feel like you want to pamper yourself a bit too. You’re paying a premium to have a great workout BUT to have the best facilities, so if you don’t get to use them, it doesn’t feel worth the money.

Josie: I enjoyed the experience but I’m Psycle loyal for now.

Hanifah: Overall, I really liked it – I felt like I got a great workout and a mindful experience all rolled into one. I’d say it does live up to the hype – it’s pretty glam, I just wish it wasn’t so packed.

Services were provided by SoulCycle London to BuzzFeed free of charge, but we were under no obligation to be positive in our coverage. You can book a class at SoulCycle or find out more, here.

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