#i promised that part 2 would be shorter but I’m not sure I held that promise 💀

[andradrawsstuff]

An in-depth character analysis of Skipper: pt 2

So, tv Skipper is a bit of a contrast to movie Skipper, as I stated in my MASSIVE ramble in part 1 💀 Even though he’s so different, he does have his quirks and some decent character development. It’s also great to see how much Tom’s voice acting evolves over the seasons and I thank him so much for putting his heart into it 🥺

This is also going to be a long one I am so sorry, I tried

This version of Skipper started off pretty similar to his movie counterpart as the show was finding its footing, but soon evolved into his own version of himself as the series went on. In early season 1, we see Skipper be somewhat down to earth and have quite an honourable attitude. He’s not super shouty-screamy and we see him being pretty domestic, which is probably because season 1 is pretty slice-of-life compared to the other two seasons.

I think the main points to mention here are in Happy King Julien Day and Assault and Batteries - in hkjd, despite all sorts of interruptions Skipper gets a little angry, but doesn’t really act upon it, he just minds his own business. Eventually he confronts Julien, but remains civil throughout the entire thing. In Assault and Batteries, he takes the batteries but does so sneakily to minimise confrontation. And when Julien chases him, he doesn’t fight. Throughout the entire episode (and a good bit of the show), he remains somewhat civil and tries to minimise confrontation with Julien. He’s also pretty sweet at the end when he offers a high five like bro that’s adorable I can’t-

We also get to see some decent character development for him in season 1, as there’s a lot of Skipper-centric episodes. In Needle Point, Skipper realises he should take the shot so that Private doesn’t get sick - he takes accountability for his actions, and his conversation with Private is pretty sweet. I love that you get to see Skipper being sweet (especially with Private) in the series, since they’ve had the time to show a bit of his vulnerable side here and there.

But I think that the most important character development point in Skipper’s story is Miss Understanding - Since the start of season 1, Skipper was pretty sexist and it gets so bad that he thinks he can’t do anything he did before because he’s a girl. He eventually saves the guys and the episode comes to a resolution.

But here’s the thing, not once is he sexist after that (Unless I’ve missed a few things here and there but I think he genuinely learns his lesson) which makes me think that his sexism is intentional on the writers part bc they do make it a point that it’s wrong, so w tpom and it’s pretty neat and rare for an early 2000s show to cover. This is why I love love love season 1 Skipper - he’s flawed but in a realistic way and he usually makes an effort to fix his mistakes. He’s also quite nonchalantly chaotic like in the movies, whereas in later seasons he’s more aggressively chaotic if you catch my drift? Idk how to explain well lmao.

As for his other traits, he’s pretty paranoid and egocentric, but still as suave, sassy and sarcastic as movie Skipper. He’s defo got a lot more of an “I’m right and you’re wrong” attitude than his counterpart and is a fair bit grumpier which is pretty funny. He’s got a bit of a hero complex here (eg. Treasure of the Golden Squirrel) and at first he’s arguably more chaotic good than neutral compared to the movies, but it’s not such a big change that it makes it bad in any way. I mean, he still kinda has it out for the humans and chooses violence without a second thought which is hilarious to me 💀

As the series progresses, Skipper starts to get increasingly paranoid and aggressive, and a lot of his negative traits start to show more. In early season 2 he’s fine but you can tell when the writers were starting to lose the plot both with the characters and stories in late season 2. It kinda feels like his character took a 180 turn and went backwards, but honestly it’s not that noticeable and I just happen to love analysing these things. I mean, it also happens to Kowalski, who around the same time starts becoming a bit of an asshole and gets worse in season 3 - in Snowmageddon, he’s rlly dismissive of Private and Fred.

I think Skipper also ends up suffering what I like to call the “Sabrina Spellman treatment” because he starts making mistakes and refusing to take accountability, usually pinning the blame on someone else without repercussions. I guess it’s the only real “problem” I have with his character in the series but honestly it’s just something that tends to happen as shows go on for a long time and it’s not all that bothersome. But the thing is, he starts getting better again in season 3 and he gets more character development (eg. Snowmageddon where him and Marlene work rlly well as a team and Antics on Ice where he’s pretty much doing everything for Private 🥺) so idk what happened there 💀

Overall, tv Skipper is still a loveable little guy and I find it so funny when he gets angry out of nowhere, my fav crazy Skipper moment being the one where he swears he’s never gonna end up in Hoboken and starts screaming his lungs out 💀 (absolutely top-notch voice acting as always ofc).

But with this, I hope that you’ve enjoyed my ridiculously long character analysis and feel free to tell me your thoughts, this is all just my opinion after all :)

If you’re somehow still reading this I congratulate you, you get a gold star ⭐️

[cmncisspnandmore]

Coming home to you: Captain John Price X Reader

Pairing: Captain John Price X Wife reader

Warnings: Slight OOC John (? maybe??), mentions of dead child, mentions of death, typical COD violence. Sad john.

A/N: This is probably going to either be a mini series, or maybe even a whole series. Im not entirely sure yet, but I cant get Farmer!John Price out of my head. So here it is. This first part kinda gives you a look into what I feel like can happen when missions are tough and John is able to come home to someone he trusts completely, what happens behind the scenes.

Word Count: 2412, On the shorter side, mainly setting the scene. next part will be longer.

You toe off your mud caked boots as you pull your hood off. Droplets of rain fall to the dark hardwood floors. Leaving a small puddle on the floor, a deep sigh leaves your lips as you look down at the mud tracks. You had just washed that this morning, which you wouldn't have done if you had watched the weather and knew that you were going to be getting rain and Gale force winds this afternoon. 

But while John was gone, you couldn't bring yourself to watch the News. There was always this dreadful turning in your gut when we tried to watch the News when he was on deployment. The kind of anxiety you feel when someone says they need to talk to you. You remember the first time you watched the News after you and John started dating, he was away on deployment. You had sat down on your small couch in your too small flat, curled up with a cup of coffee, and watched the morning News like always. It wasn't until they announced that a Military Helicopter had been shot out of the sky that you started to panic. 

You called John 8 times that morning, begging him to pick up the phone, to tell  you he wasn't on the helicopter. But he didn't answer once, it wasn't late that night that he finally called you back. Apologizing profusely for not being able to call you sooner, he spent almost 2 hours on the phone with you that night. Shushing you as you sobbed, telling him how you thought he was dead all day. John was patient with you, he explained it wasn't his helicopter that he and his team were safe. He told you how he couldn't receive cell phone reception until they got back to the base they were working out of, and how he was so sorry you went through that. 

From that moment on you promised to never watch the news while he was gone, you would wait for someone to tell you personally that something had happened. Because you never wanted to feel that way again. So now during John's deployments, no matter how long, the Tv in the living room remained off. 

“Pretty wet out there huh?” A deep voice rumbles, John's shadowy figure leaning against the wall, his boonie hat pulled down shielding his eyes in the dim lighting of the kitchen. 

“Bloody Hell!” you gasp, your hand flying up to your chest. Your eyes wide as you look up from your wet shoes. “You scared the hell outta me!” You scold, desperately trying to keep your smile at bay. 

John pushes off the wall, his blue eyes trailing up your body as he takes in your wet clothes and hair. “Just now, I didn't mean to scare ya, Sweetheart,” he smiles as he stands in front of you. His tight fitted gray shirt stretched across his broad chest, as he reached forward, pulling you into his arms. You instinctively wrap your arms around him, pressing your face into the center of his chest. 

“I missed you so much…” You mumble into the soft fabric, the scent of tobacco and his cologne flooding your senses. The nagging voice that constantly whispered all the terrible things that could happen while John was away finally quieting, as you held onto him.

“I missed you too,” he murmurs into your hair. “I’m sorry I was gone so long… Things didn’t go as planned…” he clears his throat, as he pulls you a little tighter.

You pull back slightly so you can look at his face, in the dim lighting of the kitchen you can see how tired he is. Deep purple bags under his bright blue eyes, his skin a little paler, his usually well kept beard is longer and in need of a trim. “Is everyone okay? Did.. Did they all make it home?” You whisper, one hand coming up to rest along his cheek, your fingers smoothing down some of his facial hair, trying to tame the too long strands. 

“They all made it home Baby, Soap is a little worse for wear but he’ll be okay..” he leans down pressing a kiss to your forehead. You were always so worried about the members of his team, although they were around your age you were more like a Mother Hen to them.  Always fussing over them when you got to see them, even Simon allowed you to fiss over him. Price thought it was funny to see the hulking 6 '4 man follow your orders, you had even convinced him a few times to let you tend to a wound under his mask. He had of course only agreed as long as you did it in a private room so no one outside of the team could see his face. 

“How were things around here?” Price asks after a moment, pulling you back into him, tucking your head under his chin.

“It went well for the most part. Although I think something fell on one of the fences in the big back pasture on the edge of the property. I had put the sheep out there a few days ago and Mr. Watson showed up a few hours later with Michelle, his little herding dog and a few of our sheep. He said he found them standing outside his fences by his sheep.” 

“Well. first thing in the morning we’ll go out and check the fence line, i’m sure this storm is probably going to do some damage,” He mumbles, as the wind howls against the old farm house. The glass panes on the windows rattle as the wind whips around. Leaves and rain swirling across the ground as it pours down. 

After a few moments of listening to the rain and wind, you pull away from John. Reluctantly stepping out of his warm embrace, you pull your wet jumper off, leaving you in nothing but a thin t-shirt. The ends of your hair leave small water droplets on the thin fabric. “I didn't make anything for dinner..” you mutter as you glance around the kitchen, trying to mentally take inventory of what you can throw together for him. 

“Don't worry about it, Sweetheart, I’m honestly not that hungry,” John says softly, as he takes his boonie hat off. He tosses it onto the table and runs a hand through his hair, it's slightly longer than the last time you saw him. A little on the wild side much like his beard. 

“Are you sure?” You ask, brows furrowing. He was thinner than the last time you saw him, of course he was still a force to be reckoned with. To most people they wouldn't be able to tell that he had probably spent the last few weeks in the field, surviving off MRE’s, but you could. You knew John's body better than anyone. You had a habit of studying him while he was home, constantly trying to burn the memory of him into your brain, in case he didn't come home. 

“I’m just exhausted, Sweetheart, I was kind of hoping we could head to bed early.. I just.. I just want to hold you,” he scrubs a hand across his beard, blue eyes burning into you. There was something he wasn't telling you about his last mission, but you knew not to pry. He would tell you when he was ready, and if what he needed right now was to hold you then that's what you would give him. Without a moment of hesitation you lock the back door and grab his hand, pulling him towards the stairs. 

Even in the dark you could navigate the house with ease, you knew this house better than anyone. Maybe even better than John, with the sheer amount of time you spent cleaning and taking care of the old house while he was away. You did everything in your power to make the house as warm and inviting as possible for when he came back. As you reach the top of the stairs John's hands wrap around your waist. The warmth of his fingers seeping through the fabric of your shirt. He gently guides you towards your room, the door open revealing the spacious bedroom.

It was bigger than the other 2 bedrooms on the second floor, but it was still cozy. The four post bed against the back wall, the bay window on the left that was adorned with soft pillows and fuzzy blankets. A few stacks of books left on the floor, from the last time you sat there and read. The fireplace was stocked with wood and newspaper all ready to be lit. The glass doors open slightly to allow easy access for whoever was to light it. The soft gray duvet laid on the bed, slightly rumpled from where your elderly cat had napped on it during the day. The grumpy old barn cat had decided a few years ago he was going to be an indoor cat. 

He had run in one morning and refused to go back out, so now during the day when the sun was out you would often find him lounging on your bed. Basking in the sunlight, until someone came into the room. When night time came around he was often sleeping downstairs on his lavish cat tower you had ordered for him. Soaking up the warmth from the fireplace you usually had lit. 

As you walk into the bedroom John quickly releases your waist, crouching down next to the fireplace where he lights the newspaper. After a moment the wood catches and he closes the glass doors, the fire light flickering across his face as he stares into the flames. 

“John?” You whisper, coming to stand behind the tall man. Your arms wrap around his waist as you lay your cheek in the space between his shoulder blades.

“Hmm?” John hums quietly, his hands coming to rest over yours. 

“I know.. I know you don't like to talk about it..” you pause a moment, “but if you do want to talk about it.. I’m here.” 

“I know.. Im..” John fumbles over his words, “I..” his voice cracks. 

Your heart breaks as his voice breaks, his shoulders pulling tight as he struggles to contain his emotions. This massive mountain of a man was hurting, and there wasn't anything you could do to help. Your arms tighten around his waist as his breathing grows ragged, his large shoulders shaking slightly as he cries. You don't move, your head resting against his shaking form as you hold him. “Shh… it’s okay… it’s okay…” You whisper, as your own eyes burn with tears. 

John has always been calm, cool and collected on the outside. That's what made him a great leader. He was able to compartmentalize in the worst situations. He would never let the members of his team or even his enemies know that something had bothered him. He was ruthless on missions, and straight to the point. He was every bit the hardened soldier he needed to be on the battlefield. 

But at home, where he didn't have to be the grumpy superior of his team, he was softer around the edges. He was a man who cared deeply for those close to him. He wasn't a stone wall of impasse, it was here tucked away in the quiet of the countryside that he allowed his walls to come down. He allowed himself to feel the things he locked away while deployed. It was in the soft light of the fire that he showed you the parts of him that enemies would use against him. 

John Price was just as much a human as anyone else.

You wanted nothing more than to be able to erase the horrors that plagued him. To chase away all the horrible things he witnessed in the field.t. You stand there for a long while, continuing to whisper soft reassurances to him, your hands pressed flat against his chest as he struggles to pull air into his lungs between sobs. It takes him several minutes to be able to calm down enough to speak again.

“There was a woman… She.. got caught in the crossfire.. She was killed.. Her 6 year old daughter watched. We tried to help her but the girl was just too far gone after everything that happened, when we went back to the small village to look for anything that could give us a clue to where the man we are after went.. I found her.. She was just hanging there…” His voice cracks. “ A 6 year old little girl hung herself after watching her mother die.. And I just keep seeing her hanging there.. So small and lifeless..” He whispers, his voice hoarse as he relives the horrors of finding her. 

There's nothing you can say to make him feel better about what happened. There were no magic words that could take it away. There was no way of bringing the little girl back or making the scene erase from his memory. So you just guided him to the bed, having him sit on the edge. Gently pushing his shoulder so he laid on the soft fabric duvet. You climbed over him, curling up into his side, your head resting on his chest as you laid there. Allowing him to hold you against him. His arms wrapped around you, pressing the entire length of your much smaller body against him. The warmth from your body grounding him. John closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of you in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, I try not to bring this stuff home.. But I just couldn't stop thinking that maybe I was faster.. If I had gotten there just a moment earlier I could've saved her mom.. And in turn saved her. But I wasn't there in time. I wasn't able to help her..” He whispers.

“It's not your fault.. You didn't pull the trigger, you didn't know she would take her own life.. She was 6.. Not many 6 year olds would do that.. But the kids in those places. In the face of constant war and death… they’re sometimes already too far gone. It's not your fault.” You whisper, pressing a kiss to his chest. 

“I know.. I just need some time.”

“Take all the time you need, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Next: Part 2

Taglist: @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

[bestfriend491]

Introspection | Part 2 of 2

A Former Red Room Assassin Story

Nakia x Female Reader

Summary: Now that you're free, Nakia helps you do some introspection while doing some of her own. You start to heal and your feelings become clear.

Author's Note: I've split this into 3 sections so we can digest it better. 🫣 I highly suggest rereading Introspection Part 1 so your memory is fresh when you read this. I really hope that you enjoy this one. 🥹

Word Count : 12.5 k (this was supposed to be the shorter one 😭)

Tags: @izrinmabel1, @ashleyrosetto , @mybonafidefeelings, @phantomnmsblog, @iinkonde, @como731, @hi-to-all,

Healing, Comfort, Hurt, Angst. Soft

Warnings: Mentions of past violence, trauma processing, mature sometimes

INTROSPECTION- the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes. 

Section 1: I'm home and everything is worse now

{ BREAKING NEWS: A previously alleged dead Wakandan woman was spotted being brought back into Wakanda over 20 years after her ‘proclaimed death’:  King briefs the nation. }

Your hands tightly gripped the edges of the soft bed that you sat on as you looked up at the TV screen. It was the only form of entertainment that you had in the room that you’d been staying in for the past 2 days. 

Ironically your news story was the one thing playing when you’d woken up from sleeping.

You watched a reporter sitting at a table with T’Challa for a briefing on the ‘breaking news’ that had swept the nation by storm only hours before. 

It was more for damage control: T’Challa had told you. Just a short interview to keep the journalists waiting for information on the situation away from the palace. Away from you.  

You were assured that details on your past weren't going to be mentioned in it. Or at least, not for the night. 

“King T’Challa. Earlier today information leaked about you and the Wardog Nakia returning home from Italy, with a Wakandan woman that was declared deceased over 2 decades ago. Are these allegations true, and if so, what can you tell us about this story? " The presenter opened the floor for T’Challa, the King, to speak.

“I can’t give you too much information regarding details on this case, “ he emphasised, “But I can confirm that some parts of the reports are true.” 

“Which parts?” 

“We did go to Italy to investigate a possible missing person's case.” 

“And what did you find?”

“We found a woman - a friend - that we thought we lost many years ago. She has grown up and is very much not dead.” 

“Was it Y/n L/n?” your breathing hitched at the mention of your name. 

“I’m not going to confirm that it is. That would compromise the confidentiality of the people in the case.” T’Challa tried to clarify.

“With all due respect, my King. There aren't many other ‘friends’ that you have who died around that time. Are there?” 

‘Here it goes’ you thought. 

They knew already. Of course they did. Why wouldn't they? 

You hadn’t been promised that your identity would remain anonymous.

And if they knew that, then it was only a matter of time before they found out everything. Who you worked for. What you’d spent your time doing over the last  23 years. Who you’d killed. 

Suddenly you could feel your heart palpitating. Your lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen and your chest was tight. 

The world in your head was catching fire, then slowly turning black. 

You felt yourself beginning to get light headed, struggling to stay up. 

You let out a call for help. A whimper, really. One that would never reach anywhere past a few metres away from you. 

You were sure that this was the end. It would surely be a good representation of your life in general. Not really the climactic happy ending that you were hoping for. 

You heard the faintest of voices outside. 

“Help.” was the last thing you said before passing out, into someone’s arms.

“Y/n!” Nakia held your limp body as you nearly collapsed onto the floor. Shuri was quickly right beside her as her heart raced getting you onto the bed. 

“What’s wrong?” Nakia turned to the young scientist.

She didn’t respond, rather getting to work on actually figuring out what it was. 

“How is it even possible that a 12 year old could be declared dead and then found alive and well 23 years later, My King?” The noise from the TV rang through the room, sending a sharp halt through Nakia’s brain. 

She’d left it on before leaving.

“Bast damn me.” she breathed out, turning it off and returning to you. 

Shuri was hard at work, trying to get you to regain consciousness while checking you for any possible medical emergencies. 

“I thought it might've just been an anxiety attack that put pressure on her heart,” she started, “but, something’s wrong. Can you call someone to help us take her to the lab? I have to do further testing.” 

They got two Dora Milaje to help carefully get you to Shuri’s lab. Nakia hovered over you, making it clear to them that if they dropped you there would be consequences. 

“As I was saying before. Something's not right here. Her heart rate is far too high. It's having an abnormally hard time trying to pump blood.

“Is she having a heart attack?!” 

“No.” Shuri rolled her eyes at the question. “It’s something more minor than that. I’m just testing for any conditions. Why do you have to jump to such wild conclusions.” 

“Shuri, I don't have time for jokes right now. You said her heart is struggling to pump blood. Why wouldn't I assume it might be a heart attack.” 

“Maybe because I didn’t ’t say she was having a heart att-” 

“-Nakia! There’s a situation at the front of the palace.” the General, Okoye, walked into the lab.

“What kind of situation?” 

“A journalist situation. They’re saying that they won’t leave until they get to see the ‘reincarnated woman’.”  she spoke like the senseless words physically pained her.

Nakia scrunched up her face in confusion and annoyance. “What reincarnated woman?” 

Okoye shrugged, “Some news publications claimed that the woman who was found in Italy is actually a reincarnation of the girl who died. Not the actual person.” 

Nakia scoffed, “A reincarnation that’s the exact same age as she would have been?” Okoye shrugged. 

Letting out a groan, Nakia left the room to go deal with the situation. Okoye followed quickly after giving your still unconscious body a once-over.

You felt yourself begin to wake up again, moving your arm to shield your eyes from the bright light that blinded you. 

“Sorry.” came a soft voice as the light disappeared. You waited for your eyes to adjust to being open before you saw that it was T’Challa’s sister. 

“Shuri.” you reminded yourself. 

“Mhm?” 

You shook your head, “I didn’t mean to say that outloud.” She smiled at you, letting you sit up.

“Where’s Kia?”

"She had to go handle some press outside."

"Press?" You questioned.

"Some journalists took some out of context information and made a story about you being a reincarnation of the girl who died." 

You stared at her, eyes wide. Then a sort of smile crept onto your face. You watched her examine a holographic image of your heart. 

You said, "That's a shame. They missed the perfect opportunity to say that I resurrected. Now that would have been perfect. Maybe I should tell them that when I see them." 

She stopped, looked at you and stared for a moment. After seeing your smile, she couldn't help but let out a laugh. She tried to cover her mouth, not wanting to laugh too hard at your weird sense of humour. 

"I'm so sorry. What they're doing isn't right." She cackled out. 

You added on, "I really thought it'd be worse. I've come to learn that logic and journalism in this world don't always go well together. Why not just add more to make the story better? Missed opportunities." 

That made you chuckle to yourself. Reincarnated. You could only wish. That would be better than the truth.

Distracting yourself from the thought, you paid more attention to the hologram in her hand. 

"Is that mine?" 

She nodded. 

You didn’t know what was specifically wrong with the image, but seeing her expression, you came to your own conclusion. That wasn’t how a normal heart was supposed to look. 

“Um,” she cleared her throat. “Do you mind me if I ask you about what you usually ate?” 

You were a bit thrown off by the use of past tense. Still getting used to knowing that whatever you consumed then was in the past now. 

“Not much, really.” 

“And drinking.” 

You paused, hesitant. You just looked down, not elaborating any further. 

She didn’t pry. Instead taking that information and moving on to scanning the next part that she thought was a possible cause. 

She was in a state of flow in her lab. Just like the state of flow that she was in back in Italy. It was admirable really. 

You sunk into yourself at the thought that you didn’t really have a state of flow. Your killings were coordinated, if that meant anything to anyone. Which you reckoned it didn’t. 

You didn’t do much besides that so there wasn’t anything to grade yourself on.

Ballet was a coping mechanism, so it didn't feel like you could include that in your accomplishments.

Sleeping was something everyone did, so you couldn’t count that for anything. Even if you could, your sleep was no resting game. It was usually worse than being awake. It was the reason that you… did things that weren’t fully approved by him.

“That’s everything I need.” Shuri’s voice came again.

“You’re doing better than expected, but I need more time to figure out a few more things about your heart’s condition. I’ll come and tell you if I find anything later on today.” 

“So you are the smart sibling?”  

“I wouldn’t say that, but if you could repeat that to my brother the next time you see him, that would be great.” 

You laughed, getting up from the chair. 

“I’ll ask Aneka to take you back to your room.” 

“Thanks.” 

She left the lab for a minute, and when she came back she was with a Dora Milaje. Aneka, you assumed. 

“Wait,” you stopped before leaving ,”How long am I allowed to stay here?” 

“As long as you need to. This is your new home until you feel ready to go. But you can't leave for at least 3 months. I need to keep track of your heart.” 

Nodding, you left with the Adored One. 

Shuri smiled as you left the room, but as soon as you were gone, her face turned worried. She examined your heart's results again, not liking what she saw. 

Footsteps came through the door, and she looked up to see Nakia. 

“I finally got rid of them- wait, where's Y/n?” she asked. 

“I asked Aneka to escort her back to her room and stay there until you were back.” 

“Did you figure out what was wrong?” 

Shuri didn’t say a word, her face answering for her. 

Nakia visibly deflated, “How bad is it?” 

“It’s not good.” 

On your way to your room, everything was moving quickly. A lot faster than you remembered. 

Aside from Aneka, every Dora Milaje was doing something in a hurry. Speed walking to cover up windows. Running to get outside. 

The news had definitely spread around. And you couldn’t feel more guilty about the mess you had caused. Maybe it was better when you were at your apartment in Italy. At least then you were only disturbing a few people’s peace. At least then you only lived life wondering if anyone cared about you. 

Now that you knew that they did, it was overwhelming. Now you were beginning to mean something. Meaning something meant that you had to be something. All that you knew that you were was a murderer. Who would love that?

“Do you want it on?” Aneka’s voice came through to your ears as you came back to reality. You turned to see her pointing to the TV. 

“No.” 

She nodded, sitting down on a chair while you sat down on your bed. 

The two of you let the silence take over the room for a while, Aneka not being sure what she could say or ask, and you not knowing what to do to make her feel more comfortable. 

“ I'm sorry you got stuck babysitting me.” 

She smiled, “I don’t think that that is what this is.” 

“You’re right. I’m a bit too old to use that word, aren’t I? I’m sorry you got stuck taking care of the person who’s caused a stir in your home.” 

“It’s your home too.” 

“Is it?” you asked. You'd been repeating that same question every few minutes since you’d been back. 

Was this really a Kingdom that you belonged to? Was it really your home? You didn’t have much proof of it. 

The ones that created you preferred running away without you over taking you and the one that raised you sold you. With that just being the surface of your suffering, you couldn’t help but question; did you ever really have a home?

You only realised that you'd been speaking out loud when Aneka responded.

“I think that you can make a home from anything that means something to you.”

You laid flat on your back and sighed, “What means something to you?”

“I have a person,” she smiled and looked up, clearly imagining them. “My person.”

You smiled at her, happy to see that someone had that. You watched her gaze up for what felt like centuries. When she came back down, she apologised, “Sorry.” but you could see that there was not one ashamed bone in her body. You liked that. 

“Tell me more about this person.”

So she went on. Telling you about Ayo, another Dora Milaje. The one she had met and immediately fell in love with. She lit up as she talked about their entire relationship. The ups made her swoon, and the downs made her tear up. 

Hearing her talk about where they were at that point made you happy. But you were interrupted just as she was talking about where she lived. Her beads lit up slightly. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, becoming tense again.

She sensed the panic in you, going in to touch your hand to reassure you. “Nothing’s wrong. Queen Mother Ramonda just wants to see you soon.”

“Oh.”

You let that information process for a moment. You had yet to see her since you returned. All you’d heard regarding her was the passing of King T’Chaka. You shed a few tears when you’d heard the news, but had been fairly okay dealing with the news for the last day. 

“So, where do you 2 live now?” you reverted back. 

“We live in a house in the river province now.”

You grew silent again. You didn’t want to ask for a more specific area, fearing that your former residence would come into conversation.

Some things were far out of reach when it came to your memory of your earlier life, but your house remained in your dreams for years after you were taken. 

A thudding noise came to the door and you lifted yourself up. Aneka stood to see who it was. 

Nakia entered as soon as the door creaked even slightly ajar. 

“Y/n. You’re okay.” she let out multiple relieved sighs, engulfing you in a tight hug. 

“I am.” You said, “And I also can’t breathe Kia.” 

“Oh! Sorry.” she let go of you. 

When she saw Aneka, she crossed her arms in respect, but it was clear that she was ready to dismiss her. 

Aneka, knowing that she wasn’t fully needed anymore, tried to explain; “Ramonda plans to-”

“I know. I’ll let her in when she arrives.” Then she moved to her, giving her a hug. “Thank you.” 

Aneka accepted, letting go of Nakia to get to you. There you hugged her. “Thanks for the glimpse of what life could be for me one day.” you whispered. 

“You’ll get there sooner than you know. I’ll check on you later. Or maybe you can come to training when you’re cleared to and we’ll see each other then.” she returned. 

You nodded, letting go of her and watching her go. 

When the door closed, you let yourself back down onto the bed, feeling tired. Nakia sat next to you, her eyes doing the same thing that they had been doing since you’d reunited. Inspecting you for problems. Trying to see what was going on in your head.

“She’s one of our best Doras.” 

“I could tell.” you looked at her. 

Then you smiled at a memory, “I see you stood strong on not wanting to become one of them.” 

She let out a soft laugh. That was the first reference you’d ever made to remembering something. 

It meant that you weren’t fully gone. There was still a part of you that remembered who you were before- everything. 

“I did. I chose the Wardog path in the end.” you hummed in understanding. 

“I-” she paused, wanting to tell you that it was really because of your disappearance. She stopped herself though, seeing that you were having an okay day besides the heart thing. 

There was no reason to try and bring up the bad stuff so soon after your return.

It was better to just let you rest. 

Especially because of: the heart thing.

That, she couldn’t avoid. It was something she had been reeling for answers for since Shuri told her. It was the reason she was so eager to get you alone in the room in the first place. 

“Y/n,” she began.

“Yes?” 

“I have a question to ask you.” 

You looked at her more intentionally, sitting up. You had a hunch that she knew what was going on. 

“Go ahead.” 

“When did it start?” she asked. 

You didn’t need further explanation. You bowed your head down in momentary shame. 

There was a lot that hung in that question. Answering would lead to more questions about it. Like how it started, or how you were able to keep it secret. 

It would also bring up the origin of the story. The woman who raised you. 

“It started a long time ago.” you went with that, though it didn’t satisfy you, and it definitely didn’t satisfy Nakia. 

She tried a different approach. “When was the last time that you-” 

“-Last week.” you cut her off, then immediately feeling guilt for it.

You sighed, letting the nerves move more equally around your body instead of accumulating around your heart. 

“I didn’t drink when it got closer to the day of my missions.” 

Nakia’s eyes raised in shock. “Were you gonna do something-.” she stopped herself. “Was he gonna make you do something in a few days?” 

“Today, actually.” you answered. 

Nakia was breathless. Speechless. Motionless. 

She wanted to hug you tightly enough to protect you from all possible harm, but you weren’t reacting to what you were saying so she didn’t want to be the one who triggered you. 

“‘Why are you bringing this up?” you went on to ask. 

“Y/n. Shuri says you have Alcohol-induced Cardiomyopathy. It’s putting strain on your heart.”

It was your turn to be breathless. Speechless. Motionless.

“Y/n? Y/n!?” Nakia asked. 

You were unresponsive. 

4 days later..

A cold breeze came through your clothes making you shiver as you stood outside in the palace.

It was late in the night. Probably just past 2 am if you were to guess. You’d been out there for 3 hours, trying to catch a break. The 4 days that followed your 2 health scares were filled with check-ups, invasive questions and Nakia guarding you like a hawk. 

When you’d found her asleep for the first time since that first day that you were back, you took the opportunity to get some fresh air. 

You could have gone with her, but you really wanted her to get some rest for a few hours. 

If you were being honest, you wanted to be left alone for just a short while too. 

Luckily, the reporters didn’t camp out in front of the palace at night, leaving when evening came. So you were free to go out without fearing that your face would be captured and spread all over the country. 

You hadn’t been fully keeping up with the news but you were sure that the media still had plenty of questions regarding the story. 

When you were seated on a bench, you heard footsteps approaching. Assuming that it was Nakia, you confessed already, “I just needed a break from all of the chaos.”

Instead of her voice, you heard a different woman’s voice. It wasn’t hers but it was still very familiar. “It’s not usually this busy.” 

Queen Ramonda. 

Or rather Queen Mother Ramonda now. You weren’t sure how to approach this, But there she stood, watching you look at her, not answering her. You must have looked completely lost. 

“Ma’Ramonda?” you decided to say reluctantly. 

“Y/n. my child, come here.” she opened her arms for you. 

You stood up, walking into her arms and letting yourself be held by someone other than Nakia for the first time since your return. 

“I-” you started, but got choked up in the process, tears rapidly forming and falling not just on your face but onto her shoulder. Embarrassed, you tried to release yourself but she didn’t relent, continuing to hug you. 

“I missed you.” you finally said when you were calmer. “I really, really missed you.” 

You laid your head on her shoulder, hearing sniffling from her at your words.

Ramonda was in her own state of shock. She had lost you, grieved you and eventually came to be at peace with you being gone. 

Seeing you in front  of her so long after it happened was the scariest thing she’d ever experienced in her life. Knowing that you’d gone through so much. It was a lot to come to terms with. 

“I thought you were gone. If I'd have known; trust me Y/n we would have been searching harder. We would have found you sooner.” she pleaded. 

Letting her go, you looked at her, tears in both of your eyes. “I know you would have.” you cried. You knew that it was true. She would have probably parted the oceans looking for you if she had known, but as far as you knew; Nakia kept her search for you secret for as long as possible. 

There was no way that she could have ever known. 

The two of you sat down, still letting a few tears flow down. 

“I was beginning to think you didn’t want to see me again.” you laughed out a bit.

“I tried to see you sooner, but people from all over the world have heard the story and want details. We had to make a plan on how to approach everything in a way that didn’t hurt you while still informing the countries involved.

I should have tried harder though. I already failed you once, the least I could have done was see you.” 

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I understand that you were busy. I was saying that as more of a joke.”

She seemed to be thinking about the older part of your conversation. “Not seeing you is one thing. Not confirming that you were indeed dead is another. I failed you with that one. There must have been clear signs at the time.” 

You fell silent there. Your resentment for everyone’s lack of observance had faded long before. There should have never been a reason for everyone to look out for a child in case they were sold by their mother. You knew who the real one to blame was. 

"I can't fully blame you. The mastermind behind it all must have put up quite a stellar performance at the 'funeral'. She could fool even the smartest people." Then you leaned your head on Ramonda’s shoulder.

"She fooled me for 12 years, anyway,” you sighed, “Made me think she loved me. Now I’m not sure if that’s even possible." 

“Hey,” she took a hold of your chin, making you look up at her. “You are more than worthy of love. In every capacity of love that there could possibly be, you are worthy of it. I will never forgive myself for not being there for you and being a part of the people that make you feel like that.”

More tears left her eyes as you broke down in her arms. You did the same, crying as you thought back to what emotion it all led up to. 

Over time you became more and more accustomed to this emotion. It made you feel just like you did when Shashi was dragging you to the helicopter. Fearful, and helpless.

You were scared. 

For 23 years you thought that when you'd eventually get back it would all go back to normal. But it wouldn’t.  It couldn’t. 

You were home, and everything was worse now. 

Section 2: When Trials Begin…

50 days into freedom

"I'll never forget!" 

Shashi mouthed something to you, but you were in the vehicle before you could see, going for your necklace, you realised that it was gone. You'd lost the matching necklace that you had gotten with Nakia. 

The tears started to flow, your need for saving setting in. 

'Nakia was right.' You thought. 

Slowly fading out of consciousness, the man turned to you as you sat in the helicopter and you flew off. 

"My name is Dreykov." 

The seat you were forced into was cold, and worn out when you became conscious again. 

It was no longer night, but rather early morning. You looked around and realised that you were tied onto the seat. 

Then came the horrid smile from before. Dreykov. 

He was looking at you while he flew. His smile pressed into you from where he was. 

"You're up!" He chirped.

You stayed silent, fear surrounding you. You were stuck in an inescapable situation. Even if you were able to get out of the knots that he had put on you, you were far too high in the air to try and break through a window and jump out. 

Even adrenaline couldn't help you survive. 

There was only one thing you could do. 

Keep your mouth shut so he didn't kill you. 

When you got down on the ground, he untied you observing your reaction. You were tired. Too tired to try and execute an escape plan. 

He still gripped your hand firmly as he walked you to a secluded building. 

Your breathing quickened at the thought of what was in there. You were young but you were well aware of what people who bought and kidnapped little girls did to them. 

"No." You let out, tears falling as you tried to get his grip to loosen. The fear was becoming more than just an emotion. It was a warning. 

It told you that you didn't want to see what was in there. 

He stopped and gripped onto you, taking you by the shoulders with both hands. 

"There's nothing bad in there." 

You stood there as he breathed his words into your face. Your heart beating was all that told you that you were alive.

"If you listen and do what you're told to, you will live a good life here. You'll become something special." 

You relented, letting his strength overpower your will to live. 

In many ways, it really was the day that you died. 

You woke up with a start. Tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to compose yourself. 

‘It was just a dream’ you thought to yourself.

“Just a dream.” you whispered. But as you said that, the walls came down. You let out sobs, your insides melting out of you, leaving only a shell of a person. 

“No, no, no!” you let out the one thing you wish you had screamed that night. 

“No, no, no!” 

Again and again and again you imagined what would have happened had you not relented. It was your third bad dream that week. Flashbacks of the first days at the room haunting and taunting you as you tried to navigate your new found freedom. 

You were no longer distracted by withdrawal symptoms and people checking up on you every few minutes to see if you were okay. So your mind had everything it needed to make the nightmares vivid. Like you were reliving them over and over. 

Sweat attached you to your clothes and your clothes to your bed, making it virtually impossible to get out. 

“NO!” you screamed out, feeling a touch to your arm.

“Y/n!?”

“Huh!?” you were suddenly conscious of Nakia standing up from her position on your room's chair to get to you. You sat up seeing her in that worried state. 

She approached you, as you tried to wipe your face and act normal. 

“I’m fine,” you sniffled, wiping your nose, “Sorry for waking you up.” 

Nakia tilted her head at you, moving closer to you. “You had another one?” 

She opened her arms to you, and you couldn't help but lean into it, not wrapping your arms around her. Just laying your head against her stomach. She held your head as you cried into her shirt. 

She tried to calm you down, your body shaking uncontrollably in fear. 

"I was back in there again." 

"You're not there again, Y/n/n." She spoke softly to you. "I know that it feels like you're back there but you're not. You're here in this room with me." 

Drawing circles on your back, she breathed with you.

In. 'You are safe.'

Out. 'You are safe.'

In. 'You are safe.' 

Out. 'You are safe.' 

"Thank you." You mumbled.

She planted a kiss on your head. "Who was it this time?" 

"Just him. It was just after we left Wakanda." You spoke of Dreykov, letting go of Nakia as you stood up. 

Nakia knew most of what happened that day. You, having told her some of the details a couple of weeks before.

"Again. I'm sorry for waking you up." 

"You barely did anything. I'm not even tired." She lied. You could tell but didn't mention it.

"The reporters have been slower lately. Maybe you should go out for a breather." She suggested.

"Am I ready for that?" 

"We can just go to the training grounds." 

You smiled at seeing her look excited about something for once. You weren't completely oblivious to the fact that she had barely left your side since you’d been back. 

She didn't tell you much about what life was like before she found you. It was a topic of discussion that she often danced around. 

"We can go." You said.

She breathed a sigh of relief at the answer. 

The sun hung over you as you walked outside of the palace walls. 

It showed you everything you had missed when you went out in the dark. The place that you once knew well was completely different. 

The building was the same structure, and you expected new technology to have changed the way things operated, but everything else was different in ways you couldn't describe all that well.

It was different in a way that showed that the place had moved on without you. It felt strange knowing that if you asked when a new feature came in most people wouldn't remember it not being there before. 

You felt forgotten in a sense. Like there were only 2 people who would help you if you were drowning with a million other people there. But you also felt selfish for feeling forgotten.

You felt selfish for having a twinge of resentment towards the people who were there when it happened and didn't do anything.

Sure, they didn’t ask questions where it was clear that they should have, and didn’t listen to the people who were asking them. But you couldn’t say you were mad at every person who fell for the con.

You were just…

Disappointed. 

You would be forever grateful that you were out of Dreykov’s control, but you were disappointed. After all, your struggle wasn’t instantly gone when he was gone. You still had to do the extra work to make sure that you didn’t go crazy. 

Distracting yourself as often as possible to avoid thinking about everything that happened. 

It was hard. Your memories of the red room were slowly coming back and it was scary. 

You’d never had to remember much of what happened when Dreykov controlled your mind. All you did was the dirty work. He did the clean up.

Now you were being left to do the cleanup, and if you were being honest you weren't the best cleaner. 

 You felt a body rush up to you, a hand gliding into yours. 

Nakia. The one person who never had a single doubt. You owed her the world for what she sacrificed to find you. 

She could very well have permanently painted herself as a crazy woman looking for an impossible miracle to happen. But she never gave up on you. 

You would never stop giving her your thanks. You couldn't even imagine the mental toll that that had and was still taking on her. Being told that you were crazy for that many years. 

As she smiled softly at you, you wished you could give her a piece of the world big enough to make up for being the reason she lost more than half of her life. 

If you thought about it too much, you’d start sobbing again, and that would only make her take you back inside. 

She needed this breather far more than you did. 

You walked around for a while, not really looking at where you were headed. Soon you were at the training grounds, Nakia following you along without question. 

“Do you want to go in?” she asked.

“They’re probably busy.” you answered. 

She tilted her head at you, something that you realised she did more often now. 

“Okay.” you hesitated. 

The two of you entered the main building that the Dora Milaje trained in. It was quiet. Mostly empty. 

“Y/n!” you turned around at the call and saw Aneka standing at one side. You smiled, waving with your free hand. 

Then you felt Nakia gently release her hand from yours. You looked at her, and she smiled at you. 

“Go talk to her.” 

“You make me sound like an anxious kid when you say it like that.” you scoffed playfully. 

“Aren’t you?” 

You didn’t answer, going instead to speak to Aneka. 

Nakia went in the opposite direction, towards where Okoye usually was. 

“Okoye.” she said when she reached her. 

“Nakia!” Okoye greeted her with a hug.   “You’re outside!” she laughed. 

“You have jokes.” 

Okoye couldn’t deny herself one good laugh, leading to Nakia reluctantly joining her for a chuckle or two. 

The two went where they could sit. 

“Where’s Y/n?” Okoye asked. She’d met you not long after your return. And though you aren't close like you and Aneka, you liked each other. 

Okoye knew that you had to be close. 

“With Aneka in the next room.” 

“It was a bad morning so I suggested she get some fresh air.” 

Okoye observed Nakia’s body language. “Are you sure you’re not the one who needed fresh air?” 

“What?” 

“When was the last time you slept a full night?” 

“I don’t know. A few days ago. A few weeks, maybe.” 

Okoye looked at her with an astonished expression on her face. “A few weeks?!” 

“What? It hasn’t been that important lately.” 

“Nakia,” Okoye placed her hand on one of Nakia’s, “You spent 23 years looking for Y/n and you've been her primary caretaker for over a month now. You’re stretching yourself quite thin here. You need to take a break."

“Okoye, I’m fine. Stop being so paranoid.” 

“Am I? You look exhausted. Just take a break for a few days.” 

“And who would be there for Y/n?” Nakia whispered, defensively. 

“Everyone would. The two of you aren’t in your old world where you only had each other anymore. There are people here willing to help you and her. I’m here to help the both of you.” 

“Look, I know you mean that but I’m fine. Y/n is finally doing better and I just want her to feel safe again. I don’t want to leave her to go ‘take care’ of myself.” 

“Well if you don’t then who will, Nakia.” 

“Okoye.” Nakia sighed. 

Okoye held onto her hand a bit more forcibly, “Nakia!” 

“Okoye! I can’t just leave her. I-” she felt herself choke up, “I don’t know who I am when I’m not taking care of her.” 

That was the first time that she admitted it. For the first few weeks she refused to but it had been settling in on her for the last few days.

She wasn’t going to tell you, but there was less tension in her chest knowing that at least one person.

“I know that you love her,” Okoye paused for a while. She wanted those words to settle in. 

“And that you want to be there for her whenever something bad happens, but you need to trust that she’s capable enough to call you if she needs to. Or ask someone else for help if you’re busy. I’m sure she’ll be more than okay with letting you rest-”

Okoye stopped when she realised that Nakia was no longer listening. Instead she was looking outside of the room, where yours and Aneka's voices had fallen silent. 

She sighed, but let Nakia stand up to go find out if you were okay. Nakia walked to where she last saw you, and was relieved to still see you there. 

Seeing her, you placed your index finger on your lips telling her to stay silent. 

Aneka faced the other way. Eyes closed as she held her sword in its smaller state. 

Okoye walked in right after Nakia and she watched in confusion. 

Suddenly Aneka was rotating on the ground while lifting and maximising her spear. It was a fast movement that neither Okoye nor Nakia had ever seen before. 

When she got up and finished the move, you smiled. “You did it!” 

She opened her eyes, and ran up to you giving you a huge hug. 

“Did the two of you see that?” she said excitedly when she saw the other two people in the room. 

“We did. What was it?” Okoye asked. 

“It was a move that Y/n suggested that I try.” 

The two of them looked at you, and you avoided their gaze. 

Okoye’s because you knew she’d want to know more and that wasn’t what you were interested in, and Nakia because the smile plastered across her face would make you start to feel your cheeks blush up.

Even with the avoidance of eye contact, Okoye started, “Can you do that?” 

“No.” you shook your head dismissively. 

“She can!” Aneka went. You gave her a look of disbelief. 

“I mean I can, but I won’t.” 

They all stared at you with pleading eyes for a while; their collective peer pressure making you give in. 

You agreed to do it one time. 

“It works better with guns but I think I can work with other weapons.” You looked around, finding a spare spear on the floor.

You proceeded to do the same thing as Aneka, but with much more skill. You went down on your knee in one swift move, maximised the spear and were able to get a few good swings out of it before you minimised it and finished your turnout again. It was a split second move. One that Okoye barely believed had happened. 

You were just happy to not have stumbled in between. It hadn’t been that long since you’d trained regularly but it had been longer than usual and you’d taken a lot of new medications that could have easily thrown your skill off balance.

It was a lucky chance that you were still in fairly good shape. Lucky enough that Okoye and Aneka convinced you to do a few more demonstrations, with Nakia joining in only when asked to. 

With all of you in a line doing that one move, it felt like when you were still in the red room practising the rotation with your fellow widow’s, only now it was less tense.

You allowed yourself to stumble every one in a while. You weren’t scared of some unruly punishment when you didn’t do it all the way right. 

When the energy in the room hit below the ground, all you were left to do was struggle to catch your breath.

“You’re good.” Okoye huffed out, trying to remain less obvious about her struggle to breathe. 

Aneka wasn’t as hard trying. Bending over, panting while trying to keep herself up.

You were in some pain, seeing as your Cardiomyopathy was still in its recovering stages.

Nakia was the best one out of the 4 of you, her composure being commendable. 

An entrance through the door got you all standing up straight, trying to be natural. 

Ayo and a few of the other Dora Milaje walked inside. 

“What’s going on here?” She asked. 

“Nothing, beloved” Aneka lied through heavy breaths. 

Ayo didn’t ask anything else. Just shook her head and went about her business. 

“We should go.” Nakia laughed. You nodded, pulling yourself together before saying your goodbyes and leaving with her. 

When you got out, it was still early afternoon. 

“You’re impressive.” she took hold of your hand again.

“I’d hope so. 23 years has to be good for something.” you tried to approach it in a lighter way, but Nakia’s face clearly showed that she didn’t see it like that. 

“That was supposed to make you laugh.” 

“Oh, you were trying to make a joke?” you nodded, not realising that you were becoming the subject of sarcasm. “I would have never known. It was so good I forgot to laugh.” 

You shook your head, “Okay, I get it now. It was not received well by the crowd.” 

She laughed at that. Then an idea popped up in her head. 

“Come with me. I want to take you somewhere.” 

You followed her as she pulled you around, making you run at some points on your journey. For a while you had no idea where you were going. 

“Nakia, where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.” 

“The last time I waited to see, I was sold and flown out to Russia in a helicopter.” 

She stopped then, giving you a dead stare of warning. You were trying it. 

“That was the last one for today. I promise.” you said, allowing her to continue walking.

She made you close your eyes when you realised that you were in the River Province. 

You trusted her not to take you anywhere that you’d feel unsafe, but you didn’t remember much besides your old house.

“Okay, stop.” she said, holding you back.

You heard water, so you had an idea of where you were. 

“Open your eyes.”

You obliged. Opening your eyes to see the river of water in front of you. You looked at Nakia.

“Is this where we used to-”

“Yes.” She grinned, “We came here almost every day.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to get in there in my condition.” you remarked.

“I don’t”, she laughed. “We can just sit here for the rest of the day.”

You mouthed an ‘okay’ before finding the best place to sit on the ground. You stared at the flowing water, breathing in its pure scent. 

“What did we do here?” you asked. 

Nakia sat down close to you, laying her arm on you. 

“We mostly just played around. Sometimes I'd convince you to let us go in for a swim. But we usually sat down like this. Talking about our futures.

When T’Challa would join us we would see who could hold their breath underwater for the longest.” 

“He always lost.” you remembered, making Nakia grin. 

“Mhm. And he was such a sore loser too. Always blaming us for messing up his strategy.” 

You laughed, remembering that too. Some of the best moments were slowly coming back to the surface. 

You remembered once pretending that you had gotten lost when the two were bickering, forcing them to figure out where you were together. 

You remembered having one of your birthday celebrations there, and complaining to Nakia about your mother forcing you to invite everyone in your class, even the people that you didn’t like. 

Images of you dancing with Nakia whenever new songs came out, and her splashing you with water when you weren’t looking. 

A tear started to form at the feeling of finally remembering. 

“I wish there was something like this when I was in the room. It would have saved me a lot of tears. I used to imagine the river when I wanted to escape the life that I had there. It was what I dreamt of the first night that he brought me there.

I dreamt of that day this morning. Only the beginning, though. I didn’t get to the part about the river. I always wake up when that happens. ” 

“Maybe I'll get to that part of that dream today.” You offered comfort to yourself.

Nakia listened attentively. “Maybe you will.” she whispered, her throat blocked from her uprising emotions. 

“Did you come here when I was gone?”

“No.” Nakia was very closed off about much of what happened when you were gone. She didn’t tell you much except that she kept looking for you every chance that she got. 

Nakia knew that she had been concealing some information. She was just so used to wanting to let you talk about what you went through. She didn’t feel like her journey to finding you was worth any conversation. 

But really, she just didn’t feel like she was all that ready to talk about it. When you took her hand, holding it close to your heart, her mind went to the one place she tried to avoid. 

“My mother and aunt took me here the day we found out that you were gone.” she started. 

“It wasn’t right here. It was farther off, but it was still by the river. After that day, it was hard for me to want to come here. I felt like it would be selfish coming back here when you couldn’t.” 

Tears develop in her eyes, Nakia trying her best to wipe them away. “I don’t know how you’re able to talk and joke about what you went through. ” 

“It’s the only way I can make myself believe that I’m human.” 

“Human?” 

“I was trained to think that I was a dangerous machine. Not a human. Humans get scared. They get hurt and they’re imperfect. I couldn't be or do any of those things.” 

“But you know you’re human now, right?” 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t want to lie. 

“Right?!” she nudged you to answer. 

“Kia, I’m not a good person like you think I am. I had to do a lot of terrible things just to stay alive.” 

“Tell me.” 

“I’m not going to tell you.” 

“Tell me, y/n! If I can trust you with my burdens then you can trust me with yours.” 

“I killed people!” you let out with a heavy breath. 

“It wasn’t just outside assassinations that we did. That was only after we graduated. Before that, I had to hurt girls to protect myself from being hurt. I had to kill them so I didn't get killed. There’s nothing human about that. There’s nothing good about that.” your face was freshly coated with tears. It was frustrating because it felt like they were never-ending. 

“But that wasn't you, Y/n.” she tried to explain, “I know who you are and that was NOT you. “

You shook your head at her , “But it was. I did it too many times for it not to have been. I made people feel safe and then killed them when I had to!” you sobbed. 

“Y/n, I know it’s still fresh in your head and I’m not going to rush you. Your mind hasn’t settled to see the evil that surrounded and controlled you yet, but I am telling you; That. Was. Not. You.” 

Suddenly  the morning’s events were being replicated. You cried into her shirt as you tried to pull all the remaining parts of your identity back into the shell that was you as a person. 

With the day being so intense, Nakia felt like going to her childhood home was the best option for the night. 

Nobody was supposed to be there, so it would let the two of you sit with your unspoken words without feeling pressured into talking. 

“Did I bring gifts for someone’s birthday here once?” you asked at the memory of you carrying a large load of gifts. 

“Not technically. You just bought the gifts as a thank you one day. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday.” she replied. 

‘See? You’re human.’ she wanted to tell you, but she didn't. Instead, close the front door and switching on the lights. 

‘See? You are human.’ you thought to yourself.

The two of you cooked and ate for the first chunk of the evening. Not many words being exchanged between the two of you. 

You both feared that you would be brought into another hard discussion.

You were the first to break the silence. 

“Thank you for staying with me.” you said. 

Nakia nodded, but stayed silent. 

Then she let out a breath, “We used to have a saying.”

You looked up at her, begging for more information. 

 “You would say love is beautiful-” 

“-And you would say, friendship is better.” 

You both brought your pinky fingers up locking them together. 

“Y/n/n, You were, are and will always be my favourite person on this planet, and on any other planet beyond us. I’m going to be here for a long time.”

"What if I hurt you?”  

“I’m good at defending myself too. If anything happens, I'll be fine." 

"That's only gonna work if you give yourself a break, Kia. Whether you want to admit it or not, I am not the easiest person to constantly be taking care of. You still deserve a life outside of me." 

"I'll do that." She said, reluctantly. She didn't want to start every hard-hitting conversation in one day. 

"Good. I'm going to try and get some sleep."

When she tried to follow you, you stopped her.

"Only come with me if you want to sleep here." You started. 

She nodded, waving you a good-night whilst she went to sit down and watch TV. 

As soon as she switched it on; "In the latest news about our returned Wakandan woman; The adoptive Mother of the teen found to have been human trafficked 23 years ago is set to be put on trial in 3 months from now. This comes just over 1 month after she was arrested by Wakandan police. Sources say that she is struggling to find a legal team that will defend her." 

Nakia smiled at that revelation, letting herself get comfortable for the first time that day. 

That night, you got to see that part of your dream, hearing the sound of the river. 

3 months later. 

The sun rose at the palace, telling people that the day had begun.

You stood in the garden, taking in the beauty that was the sunrise. 

Just as you got to a state of peace, you felt a push at the back of you. 

“Ow, T’Challa!” 

“It wasn’t me.” he whined like a child, “It was Nakia. She stood on my foot” 

“It was an accident!” she defended herself. “What are we doing hiding behind here anyway? I thought we were going to watch the sunrise after climbing the tree. ” 

“We’re looking out to see if anyone else is out here.” you explained. 

“Exactly, Nakia! How would it look to others seeing 3 grown adults sitting in a tree like kids.” T’Challa added.

“You’re just trying to protect your Royal integrity.” Nakia said. 

T’Challa turned to her. “Maybe I am. What would you be able to say? We’re actually leaders of the nation now.” 

Nakia pulled a face at him, causing a stir between the two of them while you stayed watch. 

You let the two of them bicker, and continued on your quest. After a few cycles of not seeing anyone in the distance, you carefully started climbing the tree, the two behind you following you as they continued bickering. 

The tree in question had a nice base in the middle that allowed space for all three of you to sit. 

The three of you sat, T’Challa in the middle with you and Nakia on opposite sides of him, and the three of you watched the sunrise. 

The two loud ones stopped bickering and it fell silent in the tree. You all just sat admiring the work of the universe. 

It was a new day for everyone. And you were all starting to get used to being like this again. Not scared of losing another one of you. 

You were the chaotic trio again. 

When the sun was fully up, you were already separated. 

It was day 4 of the trial, and Nakia and T’Challa were obligated to appear. 

You had gone for every other day. Today was your day to rest from seeing Shashi. 

You were gonna take it to do anything but think of her. 

You made your way to the training grounds. 

You weren’t there to train with anyone. It was just a stress relief for you. First you’d do light warm ups, then you’d put on the new ballet attire that you’d been bought, and you’d dance for a while. 

It was still a coping mechanism for you, but you no longer went out of your way to hurt yourself more in the process. You were less rigid and detailed, just doing what your body told you to.

You also stopped dancing on worn out shoes. Instead making sure to be aware of when they could no longer support you anymore. 

You tended to lose yourself in dance, feeling like a human for once. 

Though few people had actually seen you dancing, it was known to everyone that if you were in the training grounds, that is what you were probably doing and you shouldn’t be disturbed. 

That’s why you were so surprised when a knock came at the door. 

Going to open it, you found Aneka waiting for you to answer. 

“Aneka!” you said happily. 

“Sorry to disturb you. I thought you might like to join us today.” 

You eyed her questionably. She never asked you to join her when you got into that room. She knew that you were dancing.

“The General asked if I were to ask you to join us today.” she confessed.

You nodded in understanding. 

You packed up your things and changed into something better for the type of training that you’d seen them do. 

When you got back to the main room,, you were greeted with an entire group of Dora mIlaje  in the room. It must have been nearly all of them. 

“You summoned me, General Okoye.” you said, crossing your arms in respect as you approached her. 

She did the same, grinning at you. She was up to something for sure. 

“I heard you were free today and thought that you’d want to join us.” 

You scanned her face for lies, and spotted a few. 

“Is that so?” you said, hoping that she would realise that you had caught on. 

She did.

“We actually thought that you could help us with spear training.” 

“Me?” you asked, pointing to yourself and looking around you to check if someone else was behind you. 

“Yes, you.” 

Then you looked at the rest of the Dora in the room and you realised that they were all already holding their spears. 

“Are you all trying to use my ruthless Widow training to your own advantage?” you asked everyone. 

A  loud “NO!” unanimously came through the room. 

“Yes!” 

Almost unanimous. 

You turned to the only one telling the truth. Aneka. The others glared at her. Including the General. 

You knew what your decision would be, but you had to let them sweat for a while. You pretended to think about it. Then you did a half turn like you were going to leave, but you continued into a full 360 turn and smiled at them. 

“What do you wanna do first?” 

8 hours later Nakia and T’Challa were back at the palace. The day had been long and tiring. 

News reporters from all over had submitted questions after the court session, making the interviews after the session only 10 times longer. 

Nakia was so exhausted, she didn’t realise that you weren’t at dinner until almost halfway through. 

“Where’s Y/n?” 

“In her room. She came in not too long ago, looking like she’d had quite the day.” Raminda said. 

“Did something happen?” Nakia asked, panicked. 

“No. I think that she was training with the Dora today.”

Nakia laughed, “Y/n? Training with the Dora?” 

Ramonda smiled at her. “Ask Okoye. Apparently it was quite an eventful day.” 

Nakia took that with a grain of salt, finishing her food and making her way straight to your room. 

“Y/n” she said entering your room without knocking all the way. It was basically your shared room. 

“Nakia!” you said happily when you saw her. 

She saw you wrapping your hand and was instantly by your side. “What happened?” she asked. 

“It’s just a few blisters from training. Nothing’s wrong.” you almost laughed at her. 

Still she went along and helped you wrap your hands. 

“I’m getting better, you know. I’m processing things just like you said. I’m going through them instead of trying to step around them.” 

She knew that, but she didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t processing as quickly. 

“You are. And I’m proud of you.” 

When she was done, she kissed both hands. 

Not long after, you laid in your bed,  in her arms. 

“How was training today?” she asked. Your back facing hers as you talked.

You didn’t say anything for a while, letting the subtle sound of wind from outside occupy the conversation. Then you tried to distract her, “You looked good today.”

Nakia felt her cheeks grow flushed, but she knew what you were doing.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” 

You groaned, “Training was good.

Almost too good. Okoye’s been pestering me about a job offer.” 

“To be a Dora?!” Nakia asked excitedly. 

“No! I wouldn’t be able to do that. She wants me to become the Dora Milaje’s combat and weapons trainer. I would find the best ways to train them, maybe travel around for inspiration sometimes.” 

“That sounds incredible!” you could feel the excitement radiating off of her body. 

“Yeah, I’m not taking it.” 

Nakia sat up, throwing you off of her.  “What!?” 

You looked at her and could almost see the rage smoke leaving her ears. Albeit you knew that she wasn’t mad, just shocked. 

“Nakia, I know that you’ll hate me for saying this, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be handling any weapons.” 

“Y/n,” she started.

You were ready to hear her give you the usual speech. But she didn’t say a word. Instead, she just held you closer, and gave the side of your head a kiss. 

“You have amazing things to offer this world.” she said. 

The next morning there was a box by your bedside. You opened it to see a familiar item of jewellery. 

When you looked closer, you realised that it had changed only slightly. 

It read: ‘Friendship is beautiful, Love is better.’

It matched the one that Nakia had been wearing the day before. 

You just hadn’t noticed.  

Section 3: What Happens After?

One year of freedom

{BREAKING NEWS: Shashi Jarenu pleads guilty to 10 criminal charges after 23 years of lying to authorities about daughter’s supposed death. She faces life imprisonment: Y/n L/n tells her truth.}

Nakia stared at the TV that sat in your room, watching your early morning interview on the news. 

You and the interviewer came onto the screen. 

“So Y/n. Before we begin, can you give an introduction for the people who might not know who you are. “ 

You looked into the camera, your smile making Nakia smile back at you through the screen. 

“My name is Y/n L/n. A lot of people might know me as the reincarnated 12 year old who was found in Italy 23 years after her death,” you joked, making Nakia roll her eyes while the interviewer laughed with you.

“But on a more serious note. I am not a reincarnation. I was the 12 year old adopted daughter of Shashi Jarenu, who allegedly died 24 years ago." 

"But you didn't die?" 

"No, I was sold"...

WAIT! 

SOMETHING WAS OFF. 

Nakia woke up with a bit startled. She checked the news to make sure that she knew what was true and what wasn't.

She sighed in relief. Shashi's criminal charges were real. 

After scoping everywhere, and turning the TV on, she laughed at herself.

You had refused to do the interview just a few days ago. You said that you didn’t want to be a part of the media attention pyramid like the journalists wanted you to. 

It had become a running joke of yours and you weren’t willing to let it go. 

Realising that you weren’t at an interview, she was surprised to see that you weren’t still in bed. 

She was usually the first one up. 

Her mind sifted through the things that could have led you to leaving so early and it all came to one conclusion. 

The kiss from last week.

Nakia had gotten ahead of herself one night in the previous week when you were having a really good day together. She kissed you and you didn’t say a word for the rest of the evening, only smiling nervously at her. 

She had planned to talk to you about it for days but you didn’t act weirdly about it until then. She got up and tried to call you, the call not even reaching your beads. 

Frantically, she got ready. Calling and calling. 

Something in her heart told her that something was wrong. She couldn’t lose you again.

She went around the entire palace looking for you, or anybody who had seen you, but unluckily she didn’t find anything. 

When she saw the general passing by, she stopped her. 

“Okoye! Have you seen Y/n?” 

Okoye shook her head. “I haven’t seen her since training yesterday.” 

“Training yesterday?” Nakia didn’t know that there was training. 

 “Didn’t you hear? She finally agreed to be the Dora’s combat trainer.” 

Nakia shook her head. “Did she say why she changed her mind?”

“She said that she wanted to spend time helping others be better able to defend themselves. Even if it meant defending the monarchy who-”

“-are under no threat most of the time.” Nakia finished the sentence breathlessly. Just like she said all those years ago.

Okoye looked at her with questions written all over her face, but decided not to ask them.

Deciding to ask the more important question. “Why are you so eager to find her?”

“No reason.” Nakia said bluntly. 

“Nakia. What’s going on between the two of you.” 

“I kissed her last week.” Nakia wanted to kick herself for saying it so easily. 

“You only just kissed last week?” 

“Yes.” Nakia dismissed the tone of her last sentence. 

“Okay, so what’s the problem?” 

“The problem is that I’m not sure what that means for us.” Nakia started breathing deeply, trying to keep herself calm. Okoye joined her in support. 

“Nakia, you’re overwhelming yourself.”

“I don’t know if Y/n will love me now that she’s gotten her life back.” 

“You think that Y/n only loves you because you’ve been there for her when her life was a mess.?” Okoye asked. The Wardog nodded, seeing good reason for her to think that. 

“Sister, Y/n has loved you since the very beginning and she still loves you. It’s not just because you’ve been there for her this past year. She genuinely loves you for you. If you’re worried about what you are, just ask her.”

"Okay." Nakia nodded.

Okoye gave her half of a hug, being called somewhere before Nakia could thank her. 

Nakia ended up pacing around for another 4 hours trying to call you. Still there was nothing. Fear started to creep up again. 

What if she lost you again? But this time not because of you being taken far away from her, but rather due to you choosing to leave her. 

She had slowly been driving you away and you were probably sick of her. 

Her thoughts had her wrapped up so deeply that she didn’t realise that she was finally getting a response back from you. 

“Y/n/n?” she asked when she answered. 

“Kia. Are you okay? Aneka called me after I left her house and told me that you had called her nonstop.” You asked her, feeling anxious about why she had called you 45 times in the last 6 hours. 

“Where are you?” she sniffled out.

“I went to Shashi’s house.” you said.

Nakia’s blood froze.

“I’m coming. Don’t move.” 

In 45 minutes Nakia was at the door of Shashi’s house, practically banging the door down. 

“Nakia?! What’s going on?” you asked her as she searched your face for any injuries. 

She spun you around a few times making sure that you were completely intact. 

“I’m okay.” you said, smiling as she finally seemed to calm down. 

For what felt like the millionth time that year, tears formed in her eyes. They were happy tears though. Tears of relief and joy. You opened your arms to her, allowing her to come into your embrace as the tears came in waves. 

You kissed the top of her head. “I’m okay, sthandwa. I’m okay.” 

She lifted her head at the term of endearment, but got distracted by the bigger question in her mind. 

“If you’re fine, why are you here?” 

You sat her down on one of the chairs that sat in the living room and told her about what you had been doing. 

You told her about going to look for a house of your own with Aneka around where she and Ayo lived, having liked the houses there for months. When you were finished searching and Aneka left to do something important, you’d decided to take one last trip to the house where it all started. 

“I came here to see it for the last time.” you breathed out. 

“I found some of her stuff still here. I found the phone that she used to use to call him. It had calls. Texts. Emails. Just a whole lot of conversations between the two of them from the same year that she adopted me all the way to the day I was taken.” 

Nakia tried to keep up with what you were telling her but she was stuck at one point. 

“You’re moving out of the palace? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

You hesitated for a second, not sure if you wanted to have that conversation at that moment. Deciding that you did, you took one of her hands, “I didn’t know what would happen to us. What would happen to you.”

“What would happen to me?” she questioned, nearly taking her hand away at the implication that you were making. 

“I just mean that I didn’t know whether you’d want to come with me or stay.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to come with you?”

Another pause stood between your conversation. 

"Y/n," she repeated, "why wouldn't I want to come with you?"

“Because your world seems to revolve around me.” 

“No it doesn’t” 

“Nakia…would you have become a Wardog if you weren't looking for me?"

Nakia paused, stumped "I…I don't know." She sighed. “Why does that matter anyway?” 

"It matters because I love you, Nakia. I love you, and I think you love me but I'm not sure if I can trust that you really love me or just don't know who you are without me. I've taken up most of your life with being gone. You never allowed yourself to find out who you were outside of being my protector. I don’t want to keep dragging you along with me if you’re tired. I want you to have a life outside of me.”

Nakia understood that. "What happens if I don't like who I am without you?"

"I'm not going anywhere. If you're struggling with finding out who you are, I'm gonna be here just like you were with me. I love you." 

"You love me?" She asked. 

“I do.” 

"And you'll stay with me while I figure it all out?" 

You nodded, "I'll stay with you as long as you'll have me." 

2 years later- The Epilogue. 

What happens after? 

What happens once the person you've been looking for all your life is found and there's nothing else to do?

What happens after your life stops being a deadly situation?

What happens after you've found home in yourself again? After you've started to see yourself as human again. 

What happens when the main driving factor for you waking up is no longer out of reach. When you've got everything to live for, but nothing to fight for?

Nakia questioned herself everyday. Who was she when there was nothing to fight for? Or nothing to prove.

She spent decades fighting for the same thing, getting it and only noticing then that that one thing wasn't her whole being.

Having to find out what life without you meant to her was more than challenging. She had to rethink all the decisions she made while you were gone. Going deeply into finding out why she made them. Whether it was for you or for her. 

She spent weeks away from you, trying to find out what happened next.

When she got back, she was still unsure. But that was okay. There was always more after to come. If this after didn't work, she would find another one. 

Nakia's jet came down from the sky, arriving back home after 3 months of going around to help with Wakanda’s new outreach centre's. 

Getting out of it, the ground felt softer and the air clearer. 

She smiled.

She was home. 

Where the sky glistened both in the day and night. 

Where she could take a break and be alone. 

Where she was all of herself. Not a single piece missing.

She walked down the busy paths on her way to where she lived. She did it slowly. Letting anything distract her. 

There wasn’t a timeliness for what she did anymore. She didn't need to walk like the world was chasing her. Now, she was a part of the world that she'd so long felt separated from. 

She was free to go where she pleased without any guilt. 

That's why she ended up going to the river instead of straight home. 

The water was a part of her before, holding her fondest memories worthy of cherishing. But it was also going to be a permanent part of her after. It would hold better memories. Ones that she could think of without feeling guilty.

She didn't stay long. Wanting to get some sleep for once. 

She went to her house, expecting it to be empty. 

She was right. 

It was quiet when she entered. Nobody was there. 

She went to her bedroom, settling in bed. 

She had people that she could call when she woke up. That’s if she wanted to  go out. It had been a long trip back, so she would have to see how she felt when she woke up. 

She slept for a few hours, waking up only when the sun was going down and she felt the need to get up.

Sitting in her living room, she heard a click at the door. Smiling, she stood up from her chair. 

The door opened, and you walked into your home, looking down at the door in confusion. You hadn’t left it unlocked. 

You looked up, and saw her. Nearly dropping your things. 

“My love.” she said with a smirk, seeing the expression on your face.

“You're home!” you said, putting down your things. 

You nearly fell over yourself trying to get to her. You took no time going to hug her. 3 months without her had been torture. 

You held her head softly, as she held yours.

“I’m home.” she whispered, feeling the emotions coming up. 

It had been the longest 3 months of her life. It had been good for her, but it was still the longest. 

“I missed you,” she said. 

It was the 3rd time that she’s gone on the same trip, so you were more prepared than the first 2 times. You knew that it was the best for the both of you.

But it was just as hard. You were glad to have her back in your arms. 

“I missed you more than I've missed anyone in my entire life.” you said. 

Looking at her, your lips met in a tender kiss. 

You let her take the lead, holding you like she’d never let you go ever again. 

You tried to keep up, gasping for air in the middle. With her arms around your waist, she whispered. “I love you.”

She let your lips linger.

“You look good in that.” she said. 

You looked down at your trainer uniform, laughing. It resembled the Dora Milaje uniform a lot, but there were a few differences in colour. Yours had more green and blue in it by your request. It was to represent the river. Your strength in your after. 

“I do. Don’t I?”

The two of you sat outside in your porch swing , looking out at your water. 

Nakia looked at you wide eyes as you updated her on what you were doing while she was gone.  

“So you left and they just stopped training?” she asked. 

You nodded in dismay. “When I asked them what they had worked on while I was gone, one of them tried to show me something she learned 4 weeks before I left.”

“How long were you gone?”

 "3 weeks!” you ranted, making Nakia cover her mouth with her hand as she chuckled. “If they become Dora’s by spring, I’ll be surprised.”

“They're  almost as bad as you were when we were younger.” she said. 

You eyed her, “I remember being better than a certain somebody” 

“Better than who?” she questioned, testing to see if you were willing so go there.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” you asked with a smirk.

“I do, actually.” 

“I think that I was better at-” she looked at you sharply. She was ready to get up to pin you down.

“YOU. You were better at combat.”

“That's what I thought I heard.” she said, happy with that. You didn’t argue. 

She had your heart. You had hers. 

You were her after…

And she was yours. 

[asterdisaster06]

Something In The Orange

simon "ghost" riley x john "soap" mactavish

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt. 3

summary > “I’m tired of you disappearing for weeks and then waltzing back into my life like it’s nothing.”

“Better than me disappearing for good.”

“Is it?”

. . .

word count > 1.8k

warnings > simon riley pov

a/n >  hi guys, i think this one will really grind some gears (: although, it's shorter chapter because I’m not sure there’s much to say here. . .

ao3

Ghost had received the call; he had looked down at his phone, seen the caller ID of ‘my love’ staring back at him, and he still chose not to pick up. If you had asked him why he had done that then versus now, his answer would probably have changed significantly. Although, he’s not entirely sure he could tell you his motive. It wasn’t born out of malice though, that he could be sure of. Nonetheless, he knew damn well that he had fucked up as soon as Price refused his call. He had never done that in all the years Simon had known him. If that wasn’t enough, so did everyone else.

Simon “Ghost” Riley was well aware that how he acted was not what his love deserved. He knew that he should have tried harder, done things differently, called him back time and time again. He didn’t know how to though. It was similar to riding a bike - something many people knew how to do by being taught by their parents. Simon was never taught; whether that was riding a bike or how to have a healthy relationship with someone that he was supposed to show love and affection to every day of every month of every year.

The fact that he could never break the cycle ate at his bones and drove his young mind crazy. He wanted so desperately to get help, admit he needed it, grovel at Soap’s feet like he deserved. To worship the very ground MacTavish stood upon and kiss all of the scars left on his heart and soul. All that he was able to do was hold Soap’s head between his collar and jaw, well aware that there was no weight at all. There was no intimacy in the very essence of what used to be love and devotion that would’ve driven the two to the ends of the earth for one another. The gesture had been empty for far too long.

Simon awoke in the front seat of the car that he had parked off in the middle of nowhere. If he was being honest with himself, he had no clue where he had driven to. All that the broken man knew was that he was running away from the very thing that has kept him semi-stable all this time. He regretted it with every fiber of his being, knowing it wasn’t the life that he had promised his beloved. Far from it.

To Soap he was just a man, to Simon, Johnny was all he is. There was no identity separating Ghost from Simon beyond the person he had left in the dust. If Simon could change all of this, he would. It was a slow and steady decline into how exactly the two had gotten to this point; one that Simon wasn’t aware of until the straw that broke the camel's back. It sent a jolt of pain down his spine that he no longer remembered what the fight was even about. To think, this is what it culminated in. He had poisoned himself again, and something in the orange sunrise told him Soap was never coming home into his arms again.

Staring down at his scarred, rough, and dusty hands stained with the metaphorical blood of his once beautiful relationship with the Scot. What he wouldn’t give to be taken back to dancing in their bar on the corner where the wood used to creak. The memories he once held in such regard were tainted by the light shone upon them by the laughter of Soap. The very same laughter that was carved into the ribs of the British man who felt it stab him every time his heartbeat. Something that he wished sometimes faded into nothingness, the very same way that his connection with Johnny did.

Where the hell was he supposed to go? A part of him wanted to run back and beg for forgiveness from someone who sure as hell deserved ten times better than him. Wanted to prove that he could be better and heal the cracks with time and patience one day at a time. Wanted to find hope that his life could be any better than it seemed at that moment. The other part of him forced pride to choke its way up his throat, presenting as a lump that made it hard to breathe. Stones in his lungs wanting to keep him exactly where he was and start anew. Shame erupting from his soul that told him he deserved to be shunned like a dog out on the streets. A life destined to live off scraps and die from getting hit by a car.

He needed to hear Soap’s voice again, the very same one that had been waiting all night to hear back from a living man that haunted him. It sent a flash of regret and humiliation through Simon’s veins. Although, he knew he deserved all of it and more if he truly was going to attempt to make it up to the love of his life. Who was he kidding about moving on and establishing a new life? It would never compare to the one he had built from the ground up with the foundation set in blood and unbroken promises. He would rather die than never, ever see Soap or feel the gentle touch of him again. Simon was damned if he went back, and damned if he didn’t, but he wasn’t one to give up. Not again. Not ever again.

Simon RIley wasn’t a man to back down from a challenge. He was a flight risk, that’s for sure, but he was willing to fight tooth and nail when it came down to it. He didn’t care how long it took, how many years, whether or not Soap would even hear him out. His mind was set on bandaging the wounds that had been inflicted on the relationship and left to fester for far too long. Infected with inflammation running rampant and flies buzzing all around the necrotic flesh. It had been done from the moment he had left the shared apartment with the last view of Soap being one that tore at his heart. A view of the Scottish man with tears running down his tired features; features that Simon knew damn well were so very close to giving up. He wasn’t stupid, well, maybe he was, but he knew that he had to clean his act up.

It’s the exact reason why his first stop after revving his black truck up - a truck that held so many memories of star gazing in the bed of it with his lover - was to a small town. One that he had visited many times before; one that he had befriended an old woman after preventing her from getting mugged. An old woman that owned a small pawn shop where Simon had spent countless hours staring up at the cracked ceiling while pouring his heart out to her. Maybe it was a tad unorthodox, but she had always made the best tea and encouraged him to speak his mind.

Soap had always accused him of never getting help, never talking to anybody, never trying. And it’s not like Simon blamed him, especially with the damning evidence of a torn-up letter from the facility Price had recommended them for therapy specialized for ‘people like him.’ There was an entire argument with his little spitfire about how Simon didn’t want to be looked at with pity. Didn’t want to speak to someone who was paid to identify issues that Simon already knew he had. He had tried it before, both specialized and not. Neither one felt like it was enough, and Simon never was all that interested in an acting career. That’s why he stopped going, stopped the medication that made him throw up everytime he took it - and the doctors didn’t do a damn thing to help that symptom - and why he tried to act better for Soap. Wanted him to be able to depend on someone that wasn’t so broken, but being confronted like that felt like he was being told he was fragmented and unable to be what Soap wanted. He tried, so fucking hard, but he couldn’t do it. Having to face that thought head on alongside it being thrown in his face was too much.

He couldn’t even tell his lover how much it pained him, because he knew they would keep trying like they always had, and it wouldn’t get them anywhere. Soap was like that, always determined to help Simon in a way he never could himself. Simon supposes that’s why everything had built up this far. Piled under the carpet until it couldn’t be ignored. Sometimes all Ghost needed was patience and silent comfort. Sometimes Soap was impatient and loud in his attempts to help. He could tell that it was breaking his sweetheart more than he would let on. Simon could always read him like that. Simon wanted Soap to stop pouring his heart and soul into someone Riley felt didn’t deserve it. He supposes he could’ve been nicer about getting that across, but he’d add it to the list of things to explain and apologize for.

Simon suspects that he never told Soap about him talking to the old woman because it would mean admitting that running away helped him. It wasn’t something he was proud of, and he was less proud that a pure stranger was able to aid him more than his own boyfriend. It would’ve made Soap feel like he should let Simon abandon him like that, which wasn’t something he wanted to let happen. It was a roundabout way of trying to protect Johnny. Or there was another theory in his mind that he wanted to keep it to himself for selfish reasons. To have something to himself away from the military life and taskforce that Soap had conquered easier than Simon could even imagine. Both in the tactical, domestic, and social way. He admits to being jealous there, but he didn’t want to seem it. This ‘him’ time was his way of protecting the one aspect of his life that was truly his own. What therapy was supposed to be as Soap said.

He acknowledges how stupid his actions were despite the complex reasoning behind everything. He should’ve been able to open up and explain his little quirks and behaviors before it had gotten to this point. However, he was going to try. If it was too late, he couldn’t tell. But the older woman encouraged him to do so. It was the least he could do after putting Johnny through hell and back as she said. As she said right after handing over the complexically designed ring that he had ordered the day he had left the shared apartment. The same fateful one two weeks ago to the day.

Simon Riley stared down at the engagement ring clasped tightly in his hand, hoping that he could turn this all around before it was too late.

[lingering-42-long]

I’ll be home for Christmas pt2.

Part 2 of the I’ll Be Home For Christmas series. This one is shorter, I wanted to capture the everyday life that goes on when your loved ones are away. I think this is an overlooked issue some writers forget. It may be a bit boring but it does show the domestic side to things. Fell free to leave me feedback or requests! I love doing them and they make my day!

Warnings: none

Summary: A snippet of the in between part. 1 and part 3

Finding the perfect Christmas tree, wrapping presents and decorating the house for Christmas should have been a fun experience for (y/n), but truth be told, she deeply missed her Scot’s man. Johnny was away serving his country and it was only a week till Christmas. (Y/n) was beginning to wonder if he would be able to come home. She hadn’t heard anything from him, since he left five weeks ago. Thankfully, she was not alone. Johnny’s parents and cousins came and help make the holidays more inviting for her.

Right now (y/n) was sitting in the living room with Johnny’s mom as the two were wrapping last minute gifts. The tv in the background was playing A Christmas Carol, the one with Patrick Steward as Scrooge. The fireplace had a nice little fire going. Johnny’s mom, Eilidh, talked about how Johnny was in his youth, occasionally showing pictures of him playing on the football (soccer) team as a goalie. Keith, Johnny’s dad, came in and undressed out of his winter gear. Johnny was a spit image of his father, who was just as fit and good looking as Johnny, though older, adorning the crows feet around his eyes and the aging on his hands, and did not possess the same short, military mohawk that his son wore.

“Hello loves!” He called out. Eilidh stood up and kissed Keith. “Hello love! Did you get the mail?” She asked.

“Sure did. Nothin’ much but ther’ is en letter fer ye Lass.” Keith held a letter to (y/n), who jumped up and took it carefully. She opened it and quietly read it to herself.

To my dearest,

She rolled her eyes. He was always so cheesy when writing letters.

I have missed you so so so much these last few weeks. I’m sorry I haven’t gotten the time to write to you sooner. Work has me pinned down and it’s killing me. I do lie awake every night wondering how you are doing. I know this is a stressful time, I’m sorry. I wish I was there to help you. I’m assuming your with the family? I know mum and dad really love you. Mums probably telling embarrassing stories and dad is watching tv or making coffee. I can picture it. Is Christie there? I miss her and her wee youngens.

He was referring to one of his close cousins and her three kids.

Will we ever have kids? Crazy thing to think I know, I wonder at night.

I miss you all. More so than usual. I miss you the most. I want to be back with you for the holidays. I don’t know if I will be able to make it for Christmas. We are pushing hard but it’s taking forever. I promise I will be home as soon as I can. I miss you my Bonnie Lass. I think ghost is starting to get tired of me talking about you in front of him.

Ghost,Simon Riley, The lieutenant that Johnny had befriended. You had noted that he was a pretty quiet man and prefer to keep to himself. It was a nice surprise to know that Johnny had befriended somebody so… reclusive.

Anyways, I have to go to bed, we are leaving to a new place. I love you my Lass. Please don’t forget that.

Love,

Johnny

Tears pricked (y/n)‘s eyes. Usually Johnny would write long 3 to 5 pages worth of material or send small notes throughout the week. For him to be this tired and this overworked The only send a small note, made her heart sad for him. She could tell by his writing, that he was incredibly tired and he was missing his family. Eilidh saw her crying and came over to comfort (y/n)

“There there.” She hugged her. “It’s ok. Did he say he would make it?” She asked.

“No. He didn’t know.” (Y/n) sniffed

“Oh. That’s sad. So it is…. But you know he loves you and he knows your safe with us. That makes it all the worthwhile.” Eilidh tried to lighten up the mood. (Y/n) nodded and put the letter down. Johnny would not have wanted her to feel sad on a special holiday like this.

Later that night (Y/n) was finishing the last gift wrapping. Keith was the only one up as he was watching football on the tv. “Ah Lass its getten’ late. You sure need to be asleep.” He looked at the time.

(Y/n) glanced at the clock as well. Sure enough the clock showed that it was 11:35pm. “I know.” She sighed. “I’m just worried about Johnny…”

“Ah Lass. Don’t be worried. Johnny is a strong man. He will be ok” Keith turned off the tv. “Tomorrow is a big day. Why dont ye tackle it then?” He jestered to the decorations (y/n) was working on.

“Ok” I smiled.

Keith headed upstairs as (y/n) cleaned up her mess. She looked at her phone, expecting a call or a text, but nothing happened, as usual. It was really disheartening. She left the porch light on, Just in case Johnny came driving down the road. It was never chain locked when he was away. (Y/n) sat waiting for someone who she knew wouldn’t come tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day. Yet, she waited. The song ‘I’ll be home for Christmas’ sang in her head as she stared up at the stars, wondering if her Sargent was safe and well, She hoped he was. She wasn’t the only one missing her partner on this day.

Johnny laid on his cot in his makeshift tent thinking about his girl. He missed her so much, he didn’t think his heart could take it much more. But duty calls and he did love the thrill. It was a toxic thing he had gotten into, and the fact that he wanted to settle down and marry… he was starting to second guess himself. Not his love for (y/n), Never, but about what he perceived on what his life was meant to be like. His head and heart hurt.

Johnny looked outside and stared at the night sky. He wondered if she was sleeping ok, if she was eating fine. If she was having fun, if she was missing him. He remembered the song ‘I’ll be home for Christmas’. How fitting. A song for a World War 2 soldier missing home, now Johnny was missing his girl. He knew it would not be long before he saw her but it still drained him knowing that he was away from all the festivities. ‘I’ll be home for Christmas. You can count on me.’ Johnny thought as he closed his eyes and went into a dreamless sleep.

[strawberry-jammers]

A child to protect (pt.1)

Tommy innit x child!reader

in which tommy raises a child in the not greatest of times

this takes place during Tommys exile

part 2 part 3 part 4

 this is my first fanfic in a while, so its not the best lmao

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“Run run go go go!” tommy says to ranboo laughing, but in a slight panic. “I didn't agree to this!!” 

“Well it's not my fault the house caught fire!” ranboo shook his head. “It literally is!” Tommy just laughed at the tall Enderman hybrid.

Not like anything bad will happen.

“Tommy, I'm sorry, but you have been exiled from lmanburg.” shit. 

“Tubbo you can't do that!” fundy protested. Quackity agreed “come on, you can't do that!” tubbo stared at them, asserting his power (even tho hes shorter than both of them), “i can and have,” he switched his gaze, “tommy, please get off lmanburg property.”

Tommy looked down,l shocked. He was exiled, again. This cannot be happening.

“Come on tommy, we’re leaving.” dream says, grabbing tommy. “What do you mean? I'm not in lmanburg, i was exiled from lmanbug!” dream shook his head. “Your exiled from the dream smp as well. Now come on.'' Tommy nodded, slightly giving up. 

Ghostbur saw this from afar, not completely understanding what was happening. “Hey tommy!”  ghostbur says, approaching the slightly u[set child. “Here have some blue.” ghostbur says, handing the tall boy some blue. “Uh thanks.”  

Time went on, Tommy now had a good tent, and the nice little area ghostbur made. He went out to get some food, sense dream kept blowing up his stuff. 

"How come there's no animals around??? This place is fucking cursed." Tommy says to himself. He walked towards the trees, sitting down against one of the trunks. He sighs, relaxed a bit. He's been going through so much, he really just needed a break. 

He stared up at the sky, barely any clouds in sight. A typically perfect day. "Aaaahhh" he heard. Tommy jumped slightly. "The fuck was that??" Tommy gets up from his tree, and walks over towards the crying sounds. 

Upon further investigation, he sees a small basket, which seems to be the source of the crys. "The fuck?" Tommy crouched down, moving the blanket that was covering the child. "Who would leave a child all alone like that?" Frowning, he grabbed the small child. "Hey little one? You all alone too?" The child seemed to calm down slightly, baballing at the tall child.

“Yeah, i get that. Being alone isn't fun huh..” the child made more sounds at the human, as if they were communicating. “Hey, wanna come back with me? We can be alone together! I can build you a tent, we can listen to music, hang out with….fuck!” Tommy completely forgot about dream. He'd kill the child in the hole the moment he saw them. 

Tommy had to either leave the kid, or come up with something so dream wouldn't kill the baby. “Okay big man, you can do this.” Tommy thought about what he could do. He could build underground, and say he was mining, but dream could sneak up on him and would probably be looking around logstedshire for anything.

“I could make a house somewhere, and I could come by to take care of you and stuff..yeah that could work!” the child babbled happily at his excitement, no longer crying. “I'll build you a little hut, and I'll visit when dream leaves, okay little one?” the child babbled some more, tommy took that as a yes.

After several hours, the sun had already set, the hut was finally done. The newly named (y/n) slept away in their crib, exhausted probably. Tommy sighed, sitting next to the crib. He knew he couldn't sleep, even if he could. If he didn't get to tnret before dream showed up, he'd be in severe trouble. He watched as the baby slept soundly.

“You're kinda cute for a baby. I hope you can stay with me..” Tommy says, getting up from his spot on the floor. “I'll see you tomorrow little (f/i).” Tommy says, leaving the small child for the night.

The baby cried for hours before Tommy could return. This wasn't the..best living conditions for a child. They had to make do with what they had.

In the morning, Tommy got up early. He left a note for dream saying he’d either be mining or getting food and such. He left a spare set of stuff for dream to blow up, making sure he had his own tools and such. 

Tommy left for (y/n)s hut, which resided in the middle of the woods. He was looking forward to having someone, anyone around. 

When he arrived, he was met with nothing but crying. He forgot kids were needy.

“Shit shit shit shit shit, little (f/i) i am so sorry, shit shit shit shit! What do you need??” Tommy ran around the hut, trying to think of what they could possibly need..

It took him an hour to realize he needed to change their diaper. He then took 15 minutes to find something that would work, for the meantime at least. After taking care of the child, he sat there, exhausted. Yeah this wasn't the best idea, but Tommy's ego was too big to let him quit now. 

“This is gonna be harder than i thought kiddo… no matter, big man Tommy will raise you.” the child reached up for the boy. He smiled slightly, touching the kids hands. Seeing as the child giggled at this. “Things will get better (y/n), I promise.

The day was spent with Tommy figuring out how to raise a child, coming up with ideas on how to raise a child and handling dream all at the same time. He wanted to raise the child, he wanted someone to be around him, someone who he could talk to with no worries if they'll tell someone they shouldn't. He didn't have that in exile, so this child was the closest thing he had.

He spent months raising a child and shielding them from dream. Exile was taxing as ever, he didn't know if he could raise a child and deal with everything he was. Dream nearly found out so many times, and after seeing what he did to Mexican dream, he couldn't let that happen to his kid. He just couldn't.

A few more days pass, ghostbur hasn't shown face in ages, dream was close to finding (y/n) and his secret room several times, so many times. 

Tommy sat on his bed, waiting for dream to show face. He needed to get this over with so he could see (y/n). The child needed him after all. Tommy heard the portal make noise as it would when someone crossed threw it. Tommy left tnret to see who was now entering logstedshire. 

As always, it was dream. “Hey tommy.” tommy smiled. “Hey dream!! How you been man!!” dream stared at the boy, tommy not knowing what expression he held. That mask covers his face, so he’ll never know.

“Has anything new happened around here?” dream asks, walking over towards the blue house and tent ghostbur has made. “No, not really.” dream nods.

They joke around a bit with each other, dream and tommy having a great time with each other for once. Soon it came time for dream to burn Tommy's stuff. 

Dream just chose the worst spot for the hole however.

“Wait wait dream-”

“Tommy what is this?”

Shit, he found it. This isnt good.

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

hello 🧸 i really enjoy reading your alice in borderland writings and just wanted to say that your writing is ✨immaculate✨ hope you keep up the good work!also, i wanted to request something where the reader is this badass/genius at the beach and niragi and chishiya can’t help but be attracted to her and so they try to pursue her both. but even though she acts tough on the outside she does like them back and the rest is up to you if that’s alright~

Thank you so much! That just made my day. 😊 And of course, here you go! 

Two Peculiar Admirers | Shuntaro Chishiya, Suguru Niragi

PART 1 | PART 2

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Chishiya, Niragi (Aguni, Kuina, OC)

Summary: You are a new member of The Beach with a harsh attitude and a strong personality. Chishiya and Niragi can’t help but be a little bit lovestruck.

Warnings: a lot of swearing, blood, stalking, violence, threatening

Word Count: 3.5k

*reader is female

Author’s Note: I planned to fit this all into one part but it got a bit too long and I still have more to write. I’m so sorry I left it at a cliffhanger but I promise I’ll upload Part 2 before you know it!

Gifs Credit

It had all begun when Aguni had brought you back to The Beach.

You were a particularly strong woman, both on the inside and the outside. You didn’t hesitate in games to do what needed to be done to survive. And best of all, you were on your own. He thought you would be a perfect little guinea pig to add to the pile back at The Beach to help collect cards.

Aguni had found you at a heart’s game, a game of betrayal. He noticed you at registration, believing that you would be killed off within the first few minutes. But he got a great surprise to see that you gave up other player’s lives without hesitation. At least you knew how to survive in the Borderlands, no friends, no one to betray.

He followed you for a while after the game, trying to find the right moment to grab you and place the black bag over your head. You noticed him following you a few times, so you kept your guard up.

But eventually, he used his strength against you and knocked you out with a few hits to the head. Not enough to hurt you, but enough to make you black out.

He didn’t want to take any chances. After seeing your strength and skills conveyed at the hearts game, he didn’t want to risk becoming injured or even killed by you.

After being brought back, Aguni spoke highly of you in the meeting room, causing Hatter to move you to a higher number than most. You were annoyed if anything, you were doing completely fine by yourself. Why did these people have to drag you into their selfish and chaotic dynamic?

You were rather cold-hearted towards everyone, being upset about becoming a part of all this mess. You felt like a soldier in a meaningless war. You didn’t want to put all your energy into your games just to let one person leave this hell. Everyone seemed blinded by it, didn’t they realize they were believing empty promises?

*************

On one of your first nights at The Beach, you had been sitting at a booth nearby the pool by yourself. You enjoyed watching people acting like drunken idiots, it was entertaining to you. Sipping your drink and laughing at people getting pushed into the water had become one of your favourite pastimes, since there didn’t seem to be much else to do other than drink or dance.

This was when Niragi first approached you.

A sudden arm slung around your shoulders like a snake. You whipped your head around harshly, receiving a fright from the action. A young man with several silver piercings in his face had decided he had the audacity to make himself comfortable right next to you. Well, technically it felt like he was sitting right on top of you he was that close.

You furrowed your eyebrows roughly at him but didn’t move, just staring at him with a surprised look on your face.

“Hey sweetheart, you’re looking awfully lonely,” he began, leaning his face much closer to yours. “Why don’t you come with me? I’m sitting over there with a few of my friends. I would love it if you could join us.”

You could tell this guy had never been rejected before, his ego was so large it oozed off his words like a bad smell. You put a hand against his chest and pushed him away from you. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Look sorry… whatever your name is. You’re being real fucking annoying right now,” you said, being straight forward with him. Although you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t appreciate his confidence. But there was a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and this man seemed to be right in between the two.

He sat up and off you with a shocked look on his face. “Are you sure you want to be saying that to me?” he said in an annoyed tone. You watched as he cocked his pierced eyebrow upwards, being interested in how you would answer.

You gave a big sarcastic smile and giggled. “Yeah, you’re nothing special sweetheart. Thanks for ruining my peace and quiet.” You stood up out of your seat and his arm slid off your shoulder. He watched you in shock as you strutted away from the booth, making your way to the bar nearby. You didn’t want to argue with a man who just so obviously wanted to get into your pants. You weren’t going to give into anyone that easy.

Niragi let out a big breath and smirked as he checked you out from the booth. “Hopefully no one saw that.” He said to himself.

No girl had ever rejected him so harshly before. You didn’t know who he was? Did no one tell you?

Your harsh remark to his attempted flirting struck a chord within him. He felt his heartstrings pull tight in his chest. That attitude of yours really hit him.

I mean, who wouldn’t love to play a game of cat and mouse? Because the vibe you were giving off to Niragi gave him the idea that you would love to play a little chase game of emotions with him.

***********

Chishiya’s meeting with you would have been rather bizarre. He met you at a game because you were assigned to the same group as him for one night.

During the drive on the way there, you kept glancing your eyes over to the mysterious figure. He sat quietly in his seat, hood over his head and earbuds in his ears. He wore all white, reminding you of a ghost.

The game was a four of clubs. Pretty easy for someone like you, or so you thought.

It was held in an apartment block that reached twelve levels high. The aim of the game was to find the safe zone to disengage the bomb within the time limit and without being ‘tagged’ by the tagger.

During the first five minutes of the game, you tried your hardest to remain alone, but a young man who didn’t have any idea what he was doing followed you around from registration. He seemed to be a new player, so after a while you decided to tolerate him. He could be used as a shield from the tagger if worse came to worse.

As you made your way around the levels, checking every door and looking around every corner, you heard rapid gunshots every now and then. It made your heart drop every time you heard it just below you or just above you.

At some point you watched as you saw the tagger take aim at someone who was on a different level. You watched as the young man ducked down to avoid being killed, bullet holes shredding into the wall next to him in the process.

You frowned. Why did the tagger attack him so far away? Every victim has been on the same floor as him when he kills them.

Then it hit you: he was trying to protect the door that the young man was attempting to open. That must have been the safe space.

You and the new player that remained with you made your way down a few levels to the door that the tagger had been shooting to. There had to be something there, he wouldn’t aim from that far if he didn’t want that door opened.

As you arrived, the tagger and the young man gone, you were about to open the door before you heard a voice call from further down the balcony.

The mysterious figure from the car was there, strutting along the path like he owned the place. You kept your hand on the door handle and looked at him to see what he had to say.

“Are you sure you want to open that?” he gloated, smiling slightly and stopping just next to you. You looked him up and down. He had a shorter stature than you expected.

“I was planning on it,” you remarked, jiggling the door handle in your grasp. It was unlocked, unlike all the other doors you had tried. This must have been the safe zone.

The figure tucked his hands into the pockets of his white hoodie and raised his eyebrows while scanning the door up and down. “Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that the tagger didn’t just stand in front of it?” he said.

You thought for a second. He had a point, but you didn’t have time to think logically at that moment. The game phone in your pocket beeped and announced that there was only five minutes remaining.

“Look I’ll just open it slowly. But we must hurry because we won’t know how long I could take to disengage the bomb,” you said matter-of-factly.

The man nodded and stood behind you so he could see what was through the door when you opened it. You breathed out heavily and slowly turned the door handle to peep inside.

The room blossomed with light as soon as you opened the door. It seemed normal enough, except there was another door on the other side of the room that led to a lit-up area.

“That must be the safe zone,” you breathed out, relieved. “Must be,” the figure repeated.

A sudden deafening sound filled the air behind you and you both whipped your head around to see the new player that had followed you lying on the ground with several holes in his chest. You felt blood splatter onto your face from the impact, shifting your eyes upwards just to see the tagger at the end of the hallway, quickly storming their way down towards you and the man.

“Shit!” you screamed. “No time to waste!”

You pulled open the door completely, and before Chishiya could even think quick enough, you grabbed him by the back of his hoodie and tugged him inside harshly.

He stumbled from the sudden movement and ended up falling on top of you from the force, managing to kick the door shut with his foot in the process.

You groaned underneath him. “Sorry,” you muttered. “You weren’t moving so I didn’t have a choice.”

He chuckled above you and pushed his arms against the ground to stand himself up and off you. “No worries, I could never be mad at someone for saving my life.”

 *************

You thought that both of those encounters with the strange young men would be your last, but apparently not.

You began being put in the same games as Chishiya more often, eventually forming a bond with him and always teaming up together during games. He introduced you to his friend Kuina, who you became rather close as time went on.

Although you still preferred your time alone greatly, there was always a certain someone who would disturb your peace and quiet.

Niragi would take any opportunity to annoy you, whether it be in the hallways when you’re on your way to bed where he would back you up against a wall and try to make you feel threatened, or whether it be out at the pool when you were by yourself. People would stare at you both as he sat with you and tried to make it seem like to the public that you were together, which was quite embarrassing.

He would never leave you alone, and at some points you began to believe that he was stalking you. He managed to find you everywhere, so it wouldn’t be an outrageous claim.

Chishiya however you found a lot more likeable.

He was subtle, kind of making sly comments about his attraction to you every now and then. You appreciated him trying to hide it more rather than being too open about it like Niragi. It made you more interested in the intelligent and mysterious man.

Chishiya at times though would come across as rather overprotective. That was the only thing you had a problem with, because out of all people he would know that you can handle yourself simply fine.

Sometimes in games together, he would do everything in his power to make sure you stay away from potential death. At times he would drag you around like a ragdoll just so you stay beside him. It became quite annoying, but you dealt with it anyway. You did not want to offend or upset him.

**********

Niragi leant against the hallway wall just outside your bedroom door. He was waiting for you to get changed so he could take you down to the bar and have a few drinks with you. You did not know he was outside though, he kind of just saw you after you arrived back from your game and followed you.

As he fiddled with his rifle to kill time, he heard a small pitter-patter of feet just down the hall from him. He glanced upwards to see none other than Chishiya making his way up the carpet towards him.

Both exchanged confused looks, until Niragi’s mouth pulled up into a smirk and he ran his pierced tongue over his bottom lip slowly like a snake.

“What’s a blondy like you doing here?” he chuckled, pushing himself off the wall and slinging his rifle over his shoulder in its usual position.

Chishiya raised his eyebrows, conveying his usual confident expression on his face. “I could ask you the same thing,” he retorted, walking further towards Niragi.

Niragi chuckled deeply then spoke. “I’m waiting for someone.”

“Really? Giving them a fright before their execution. That’s quite low Niragi even for you.” Chishiya’s smile never left his face.

Niragi threw his head back and cackled. “No actually, quite the opposite really. I’m waiting to take her down to the pool.”

Chishiya widened his eyes in shock. “Her? Hm. I never took you as the romantic type,” he teased.

“I’m not. I’m more of the ‘follow you around until you pay attention to me’ type,” Niragi admitted. Chishiya let out a small laugh at his comment.

“Seems more like you.”

Chishiya walked further towards Niragi who remained close to your door. He watched in confusion as Chishiya reached his hand out towards the door handle to open it, but before he could, Niragi whipped his hand quickly over it to stop him.

“What are you doing?” Niragi said in a tense voice, so contrasting to the somewhat light-hearted one he had just a moment ago.

Chishiya pulled his hand back slowly and looked up into Niragi’s darkened eyes. “Going into this room? What else would I be doing?”

“But this is Y/N’s room,” Niragi argued, standing in front of the door so Chishiya couldn’t get inside.

Chishiya raised his eyebrows. “Yeah? So? I need to talk to her.”

Niragi leaned down closer to him with a frown painted on his face. “About what?”

Chishiya rolled his eyes. “None of your business you creep. Why are you standing in front of Y/N’s room like a guard dog anyway?”

“She’s the one I’m taking down to the bar.”

Chishiya’s heart dropped. There’s no way you’ve been with Niragi, you weren’t dumb enough to become involved with the psychotic militants.

“Wait no. She told me that she was going to spend some time with me and Kuina after the games.”

Silence filled the air between them. Neither of them knew what to say, but the rising tension between them became stronger each second.

“Does she know you’re here?” Chishiya asked out of the blue.

“Does she know you’re here?” Niragi fired back, avoiding his question.

Another awkward silence before Niragi spoke. “Look, you better not get involved with her more than you already have. She’s mine so you stay away from her,” he threatened Chishiya, walking towards him causing the shorter man to take a step back.

“Oh, you want me to stay away? You are standing outside her bedroom door with a rifle over your shoulder. Do you really think she’ll learn to like you?”

“At least she can trust me, you fucking manipulative snake.”

“She’d probably be terrified you’d put several bullets through her Niragi. Why don’t you think logically and leave her alone? It would save her the suffering of having to deal with you!”

“What? So, you can gaslight your way into her trust? At least I am straight forward Chishiya, you’d do nothing but lie and use her for your own personal gain like the fucking selfish brat you are!”

“No, at least I wouldn’t view her as nothing but a toy to play with. You know she doesn’t like you, so why the fuck do you keep trying?”

“Shut up!”

“No, I won’t! I am not going to let you weasel your way into her life and put her on display like some trophy to show off to everyone! Just leave her the fuck alone and stop following her around! It’s really fucking pathetic of you!”

Chishiya suddenly flew back into the wall behind him, creating a large bang that echoed down the halls. Niragi had kicked him square in the chest backwards. He let out a satisfied laugh.

“Look at you! You can’t even defend yourself! What makes you think that you could keep me away from Y/N?!”

Chishiya sat up from his position on the floor and let out a loud groan. His spine was screaming in pain, making him stumble before finally standing on his two feet.

Niragi didn’t even give him time to breath before he punched him across the jaw, making his head whip sideways and fall back against the wall. Niragi gripped one hand in his blonde hair roughly while another clutched the collar of his hoodie.

Chishiya yelped in pain, not being able to fight back. He didn’t bring any weapons to help himself, he did not expect to be in this situation when he left his room to come to yours.

Niragi leaned close to his face which was scrunched up in pain. “I dare you to try and keep me away. Because nothing comes between me and what I want, no matter what it is.” He spat harshly in his face, narrowly missing Chishiya’s eye.

He let loose of Chishiya’s white hair, causing him to fall to the carpeted ground. “I guess I’ll meet up with her another time, when there aren’t any rats around to trip on,” Niragi chuckled and turned to make his way down the hall towards the staircase at the end.

‘What wonderful timing Y/N would have if she came out just now,’ Chishiya thought to himself.

As if he had predicted the future, you busted out of your room harshly, almost tripping in the process. You locked eyes with Chishiya, who had blood pouring out his nose while seated against the wall opposite your door.

“Oh my god! Chishiya! The fuck happened to you?!” you exclaimed, rushing over and kneeling in front of him.  “I heard a loud bang outside and came out to see what it was. Was someone else here?”

Chishiya grabbed the hand that you offered to him to help him up. He groaned as you lifted him to a standing position, only for him to fall forwards onto you from sudden nausea that hit him. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to keep him upright while he placed his chin on your collarbone.

“Just forget about it. I’m okay, just a little scratched up,” he tried to deflect your question. “I had a really rough game and I tripped over just then. Smacking my nose on the ground didn’t help much.” He was surprised with himself about how quick he covered up what happened. He felt quite embarrassed being beaten up by someone as dumb as Niragi, so he didn’t want to tell you.

You laughed a little bit, the happy sound warming Chishiya’s heart. “You’re such an idiot. How do you manage to survive all these games while being so clumsy?”

Chishiya smiled. The fact that you cared about him outweighed the throbbing pain of his developing bruise on his jaw. He brought a hand up to his nose and wiped along it, soaking up the small bit of blood in his sleeve.

“You still want to go see Kuina?” he asked you, pulling away from you and looking you in the eyes.

“Yeah of course!” you exclaimed excitedly. “I was thinking we go down to the pool for a while. We can sit in a corner somewhere and chat,” you suggested.

Chishiya nodded and held out his hand. “Shall we then?” he said teasingly.

You laughed and began walking while leaving him hanging. “Maybe one day I’ll hold your hand, but not today.”

Chishiya chuckled and jogged to catch up with you. As you walked side by side, he secretly hoped that Niragi wouldn’t be down at the pool, preparing to start trouble the moment he sees Chishiya with you.

Unfortunately, his luck wasn’t on his side that night.

[nyxerebus]

Unlikely Companions (Daryl Dixon x Female reader/ PLATONIC! Carl x Reader) PART 2 !

Part 1: Unlikely Companions 1

here it is! Part 2. its a bit shorter but i hope you like it! Might make a part 3 :) heheheh.

“Oh, my sweet girl. I got you, I got you” Daryl was whispering sweet nothings and comfort into her ear. “(Y/N)” She looked up when a familiar voice called out for her. Two smaller arms wrapped around her neck and she looked back into Carls eyes. He was crying as well. Daryl looked very surprised, (and a bit angry) as Carl pushed him back to hug (Y/N). “I’m sorry I left you” He sobbed out. “Its okay, really I’m fine” It was hard being convincingly fine, when she was covered in blood with her shirt, and pants ripped open, and after just crying her eyes out.

“We should head back, you need to be checked out by Hershel” Rick spoke up. All the boys nodded. Daryl stood up and helped her up. When she was standing again, she noticed how bare she was. Her entire shirt was open, and bra was pushed down a bit. Her pants were unbuttoned and showed the front of her panties. “Oi! Quit ya’ starrin’! Fuckin’ perverts!” Daryl shouted and moved so he was blocking the guys view on her. A choir of ‘sorry’ came from the guys. They turned around and let Daryl help her get dressed. “Can you get my backpack? It’s the orange by the tree?”

“Why cant you get it yourself?” It sounded harsh and mean, but she knew better. She knew that this was his way of checking if she was hurt. “Okay, promise not to freak out too much” It was a stupid question, he was going to freak out even if she told him she broke her nail to hard. He nodded. “One of the guys might have stabbed me in the thigh, just a little bit though!”

“What!”

“You promised not to freak out!” She huffed out and moved her hand, that had been covering her wound. Blood was covering her hand. It didn’t really hurt, and she hadn’t noticed it until they stood up, that was mostly because adrenaline was still pumping through her body. She knew that when that died down, her bruises and wounds would hurt like a bitch. “Sit back down” He, carefully, pushed her down again and walked over to her bag. When he handed it to her she had buttoned up her pants. She fished out an hoodie. “Can the others see me?” She asked him, nervous about a group of strangers seeing her half naked. “Nah, I would beat’ them down’ if they peaked. Don’t ya’ worry’” He still stood in front of her and shielded her body. He looked back to make sure they weren’t looking, and yeah. They wouldn’t dare. But when his head turned back to her, his heart broke. She had taken of her ruined shirt and was about to put on her hoodie. But her soft skin was littered in bruises and scars, bruises and scars that weren’t there when they last saw each other.

He was going ask about the bruises, but she quickly covered the body with her hoodie, or more accurately, his hoodie. A smirked made it way on his (gorgeous) lips. The hoodie reached her down to her knees. “Come on, lets get you checked out”. He threw her bag across his shoulder, with his crossbow. (Y/N) was getting up, winching when she put her weight on her injured thigh. A gasp escaped her lips when she felt his arms wrap up under her thighs and behind her back, hoisting her up into a bridal style carry. (Y/N) didn’t protest and just let him do his thing, she knew he needed to take care of her.

When they got out of the forest, she saw a beautiful farm house with large acres. They walked over to the farm house. “Hey” She looked down and was met with Carl looking up at her. “Hey big man” He didn’t say anything else, just walked by her. “Carl!” Lori shouted and ran up to him. She hugged him and reached for Rick, “What happened?” When her eyes landed at (Y/N), “Who is that?”

“Hey, I’m (Y/N). Me and Carl have been camping together for- Will you please let me talk to her?” Daryl didn’t let her stay and chit chat with Lori. He walked straight pass her and into the house. “Nope, ya gotta get some medical help. Ya can talk later”. (Y/N) wayed back with an apologetic smile, to the very confused group of people. “Hershel! Where ya at!”. And old man walked out of what she assumed was the kitchen. He had an very annoyed look, until he saw her. “Who is this?”

“My girl, and she needs your treatment” Daryl didn’t let him answer and just walked into the room Carl had been staying inn when he got shot and laid her down on the bed. Hershel realized the importance of it when he saw blood on her hands and pants and the beginning of a huge bruise on her collar. “What happened”.

“Some assholes attacked her, she got stabbed and god knows what” Daryl gruffed out. “Where is the wound?” Hershel calmly asked, getting some equipment from a drawer. “On her thigh”

“Luckily that limits the damage, none of your organs are compromised” He sat down on a chair by the bed. Daryl was standing on the other side, holding her hand. “Now I am going to have to cut off your pants, pushing them down will only worsen the injury I’m afraid” She nodded, letting him do what ever just to heal her. Hershel carefully gut open her pants. Daryl didn’t like him having a knife so close too her skin, but bit back his complaints and worries. The stitching up went fine, though Daryl needed to hold her thigh down so she wasn’t squirming to much.

Even with the pain killers, her wound hurt, it hurt a lot! After the stitching, he had examined her head, concluding she had a concussion and a broken rib. Daryl had held her hand through the entire time. Never letting go. The darkness had reached the farm and Daryl and (Y/N) was huddled around a small campfire. She was laying in his arm crook, his arms and a blanket wrapped around her. It was silent between them, few words exchanged. But he would often place a kiss on her head and rub her arms and hands.

They only got a few minutes alone, until most of the group came and sat around the campfire with them. “Sorry, we wanted to let you guys have some time together, but we needed to ask you some question and get to know you a bit” Rick sat on the opposite side of them. Carl and Lori on either side of him. “I get that, I do! I’m an open book, ask away!” She wanted to seem as warm and welcoming as possible, knowing that Daryl was staring daggers at everyone of them. He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms tighter around her, almost using his arms to protect her.

“Before you all interrogate her, I just wanna thank you. Carl told me everything, and, and you saved his life” Lori was tearing up. “I want to thank you for saving him and taking care of him. For returning him back to us. Thank you” Rick nodded along, saying a thank you as well. “Can I ask a question?” Glenn was speaking up now. “I don’t mean to be rude, but how are you together? You are so, different!” This made her chuckle. It was true, they were very different. “Well, we met at the diner I was working at, and I don’t know. We just kind of clicked” She looked up at Daryl, smiling up at him. “For me it was love at first sight”.

As the night continued, (Y/N) answered all their questions and asked her own. Even though she couldn’t talk to Carl alone, she sent him some smiles through the conversation. He would always grin back. But she felt her eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. For the first time since the new world begin, she could sleep peacefully. She was never afraid when Daryl was holding her.

“Shhhh, (Y/N) is sleeping” Carl hushed everyone when they got a bit louder. They all looed over at her and sure enough, there she was; looking like an angel. “She didn’t sleep much when we were out, never more than three hours”

“Reckless woman” Daryl muttered out, wrapping the poncho tighter around her. He saw her shivering and saw the campfire dying down. “I’ll go get more wood” He didn’t allow anyone say anything, he just carefully lied her down (using his west as a pillow and slipped it under her head).

When Daryl disappears into the darkness, whimpering filled the camp. “Is she having a nightmare?” Lori asked. “N-no, get away” (Y/N)’s sleepy voice whispered out. “Should we go and get Daryl-” Carl stood up and walked over to her. “She did this last night, I can stop it” Everybody looked at Carl confused, and Lori felt her motherly protective side kick inn when Carl laid down next to (YN). She had to remind herself that too Carl she wasn’t a stranger and wasn’t a threat to any of them.

“What are you doing?” Rick whispered out, being very surprised when Carl threw his arms around her waist and snuggled into her back. Her whimpering slowly calmed down and eventually died down. No body could deny the sweetness of the moment between the two, it was clearly Carl had become very attached to her after their days in the woods.

“Oi! The hell is going on here” The sweet moment was cut short when Daryl retuned. He eyed Carl suspiciously as he stirred in the fire and added more wood planks. “She had a nightmare” Carl’s voice was muffled with her back. “I calmed her down”. Daryl felt his heart shouting at him, shouting for him to hold her and make sure she was okay. But there was something in the way, or more someone.

“Move kid” Daryl kicked at his feet, becoming tired of the child separating him from his love. Carl refused, snuggling even further into her back. Daryl was about to pull him off her when she turned around. She was still asleep but wrapped her arms around Carl and pulled her into him. Carl looked surprised but allowed her to pull him closer. Daryl huffed out but sat down next to her. His hands could not keep off of her and caressed her arm and back.

“Its getting late, we should head to bed. Como on carl” Fake snores could be heard from the young boy, hoping he could stay here if they thought he was sleeping. It didn’t work. “Nooooo” Rick pulled him up and carried him off, not without getting an ear full of complaint from the young boy. The incident woke her up, she looked around startled. Forgetting where she was. She sat up abruptly fearing the worst when she felt Carl being pulled away from her arms, reaching for her bow. “Its alright (Y/N), yar safe” Daryl reminded her that she was safe, no longer in the woods. She sank back down into his arms. “Go back to sleep baby, your safe” He reassured her and rubbed her back, calming her down, but she couldn’t sleep. Her body was so used to only three- or four-hours naps.

They both walked back to his tent, the wind picking up and they needed ‘walls’ to protect them from the cold winds. It was pretty small, so they had to huddle close together to fit on the small cot. She was practically laying on top of him (not that any of them mind). “God, I still can’t believe you’re here” Daryl whispered into the darkness. Her head was laying on his chest, being lulled into sleep by his steady heartbeat. “When it started, I went to your campus. But it was a mess, I feared the worst” She could hear his voice breaking. She lifted her head. (Y/N) knew to well what he talked about. When she left it was a mess. Dead everywhere. She barely made it out herself. Still amazed that she survived that.

“Don’t think about it, think about how I’m here! Were together and I am never leaving you” She was stroking his cheek, he nuzzled into her hand. “I know, I know. But, (Y/N), baby, I need to know. What happened to you before you met Carl” He was scared to ask, scared to hear about how she got her scars and bruises. She took a deep breath and told about how it took her a week to escape her dorm. Because the halls were filled with the dead, she was alone, starving, until she finally broke out. It costed her a lot, having too run through broken glass, and being pushed and pull by hundreds of hundreds of hands. Tears welled up in her eyes at the memory of having too drive her knifes and arrows into her friends and teachers. “Come her’ sweet girl” Daryl pulled her square against his chest. Rubbing her back. “It felt good to take care of Carl” She admitted. “To take care of someone and not being forced to kill was good” She would often take care of those around her, taking a motherly role. Daryl knew this, remembering how she would often pack him lunch, make sure he slept and getting him to take care of her.

“But when those guys attacked us” She held back a sob. “I was so scared Daryl. They held me down, a-and” she couldn’t finish the sentence. Daryl pulled her even closer, anger building up at the memory of finding them holding his girl down. “If you hadn’t come, if they had caught up to Carl, god, I cant think of what would have happened if they had gotten us both” Tears were rolling down her face.

“baby, we can’t thin’ too much about’ it. It will drive us’ crazy” Daryl could not stand the thought about what would have happened. “We need to sleep” He needed her to sleep. “I cant” He looked down at her questioning. She didn’t meet his gaze. “I’m afraid” His heart broke for the tenth time that day. “Ya need to sleep’, Carl told me ya’ haven’t slept good- so I will stay up and watch out, okay?” She was hesitant but agreed. Feeling safer knowing that he was watching over her, that’s how she was able to fall asleep at the fire.

“I will stay up for ya, stay up forever if I have to”

[write-like-you-mean-it]

Streets (Shalnark x Reader)

This is a commission piece from @pastelbear12. It is a part 2 to Pretty Little Psycho. If you would like to commission me, here's a link to my commission page. I hope this kills you Sophie.

Pairing: Teasing!Shalnark x female reader

Warning: Teasing Shalnark, bondage, public sex, choking, daddy calling, very dom Shalnark, this is pure smut.

Word Count: 2610

You let your head duck under the red rope as you held tightly to the blonde in front of you. His face lit up with a wild, untamed excitement. You felt a tight squeeze on your wrist which matched the same tight lipped grin. Shivers ran down your body at the choice you made.

“Hey Shal,” called one of the men still stuck in line. The taunt left his face as Shanark faced his peer. The taller and muscular blonde who’s name was Phink motioned towards the entrance of the club. “You know the boss’s mission.”

Shanark waved away the notion. “You have enough people. Tell the boss I’ll be back later.” His gaze flickers to your own. “I have a more important mission to attend to.”

The music bumped through the speakers as Shalnark dragged you across the floor towards the bar. Not much was different between the two places beyond the line to enter was much shorter and there was a lack of a friend by your side. If you’d not been caught up in his hazel eyes, the terror may have set in by now.

Heavy bass swam between dancing bodies, flirty conversations, and frat boys chugging beers. You could almost hear it over the steady beat of your own heart. Your breath was shaky from the walk over and getting caught looking too long at the blonde man.

“What do you want? He asks while leaning his back against the bar. His arms planted across the empty space of the bar. “Or would you rather I pick for you?”

“I would-” You didn't have a chance to respond as Shal caught you off guard. Although you were going to respond, you didn’t know what you were going to say. Would you allow him to choose for you or would you rather choose something for yourself.

“Or are you worried I’ll spike your drink?” His eyes flicked up and down your body as if he was taking in a beautiful view. “Don’t worry. I’d like you to remember who will leave bruises all over your body tomorrow.”

An involuntary whimper forced from deep within your core. His words made your choice for you. “You can choose.” You almost couldn’t recognize your own voice. It was hoarse as if your throat was starving for water and squeasy as if you needed to gasp for air.

Shalnark reaches over to bush his thumb over your burning cheek before lightly gripping your chin to look up at him. “Seems like you may need water more than anything else. Wouldn’t want you to be too dehydrated for me.” You squirm away from his touch only to have him hold your jaw tighter. “I didn’t say you can look away, did I?”

“No,” you whisper. Shal’s thumb moved to your lips. They part when his finger presses lightly on the bottom lip to wetten them with your own saliva.

He chuckles: “Good girl.”

The blonde stranger’s words catch the breath in your chest which causes you to inadvertently cough and squirm away. “I’m sorry,” you mumble as you try to find a safe hiding place for your eyes that’s not the burrowing gaze of the man in front of you.

“No need to be sorry, princess,” he says while motioning to the bartender. He orders two waters. Shalnark ignored the rolling eyes of the worker,

“You didn’t order anything for yourself?” you question.

“No. I want to be coherent too. Any drinks and you may squirm away from me too much.” Your weight shifted between your feet. Before the bartender could return, Shalnark leaned in right next to your ear and mumbled “not that you aren’t already squirming for me.”

Your lips part to respond as the bartender sets down two bottles of water. Shalnark picks up both and hands you the other one.

“Anything else for you two?”

“Not now. But keep an open tab. I’ll be back for more.” The bartender takes this as his cue to find other patrons who will pay more. Your partner uncapped the lid and drank the full bottle down with almost no stops.

“Trying to impress me?” you tease while upcapping your own bottle. You take a few sips to try and cool your heat-filled cheeks.

“No,” he says while looking disinterestedly at the plastic in his hand. “I’ll need an excuse to use the restroom later. It’ll look suspicious if I take you to the bathroom the moment we walk in.”

Your nose scrunches while putting the bottle back onto the counter. “Why would you..?”

“Don’t tell me you’re that oblivious, princess,” Shalnark says. His tongue reaches out to wet his lips. The blonde’s pupils were blown as he leaned over the bar and into your space; making sure there are no gaps between you. Fear sends a chill down your spine. “I’ll want to take that pretty dress off and do unspeakable things to you.” Your grip tightens on the plastic as some of the water splashes onto your dress. “Ah now you have to come with me. We have to dry off.”

Shanark’s hand rested once again in your trembling hand as the bottle was left on the bar. Part of you hoped you’d never see that bottle again.

The swinging door finally closing was the last barrier between the two of you. Shalnark roughly gripped the clothing that guarded your hips and pulled you into a rough kiss. His force knocked the wind out of your chest. His body cages you against the door; although, that’s not what you would call it. Your arms were wrapped tightly around his neck

For his stature, you weren’t expecting his hands to be forceful enough to pull you against his own. You could have sworn you heard a tear of fabric as Shalnark looked for the skin of your back or hips. You wouldn’t be one to look at it until much later. Instead, you focused on the warmth pressing on his lips and warm breath against your own.

“Shal,” you groan while hiking your legs higher. He took the cue and pushed his full weight into your to lift your body so that you can wrap your legs around his waist. Your dress shifts up to around your waist.

You whimper while feeling his cock pressing into your thigh. Thick enough to feel it was semi hard. Your hips inadvertently grinded against the man. Shalnark pulled away from your lips with only a string of saliva and a whine to replace the once filthy noises.

“Did I tell you to grind against my dick?” he asks. His grip tightens against the small of your back.

“No?” you question. Your mind is a little hazy and lustful.

“No…” Shalnark’s voice trails off with a commanding expectation.

“No, master?”

“Better. But I’m looking for a word that starts with d.”

You could feel yourself absentmindedly closing your legs to gain any friction on your already wet pussy. “No daddy. You didn’t say I can grind against you.”

“Good girl,” he whispers against the shell of your ear. He peppers soft kisses against your lobe before ripping the little piece of fabric against your cunt. You squirm to try and close as the cold air hits your unclothed pussy. “Now. Hands up.”

You cock your head but comply. Shalnark shifts to hold you up by pressing your weight into the door. Your hands dangle above only for him to use your ripped underwear to tie your hands together. He ties them tightly while crossed. “Better,” he grunts before letting you down from his waist.

Shalnark strips the thin shirt and places it on the door knob. Your body trembles from the cool of the room mixed with fear of what could happen. He places a chaste kiss on your lips which leaves your head spinning and wanting more.“Knees, kitten,” the blonde commands and you follow.

When your knees hit the floor, you felt the force of the inability to use your hands. No matter how hard you tug, you cannot get released. You realized how under control you were of this strange man. The realization made your thighs slicker with your own wetness.

“Good little slut. I’ll treat you so nice if you suck my cock well.” Shalnark reaches a hand into your hair and tug it enough to look up at him. He chuckles at your open lips and doe-eyed look. The spider uses his other hand to pull out his throbbing cock. His tip was angry, red and leaking.

You wet your lips before kitten licking his tip. Shalnark hissed at the sudden touch. Curses escaped his lips and the grip on your hair tightened. You take this as a cue to keep doing a few test licks.

The salty taste edged you on to do broad stokes at the underside of his head. Without warning, the man shoves his cock into your mouth. “I’m done with your teasing kitten,” he grunts. “Treat me right.”

Your cheeks hollow as he pulls out of your warm mouth. Your tongue keeps flat against your jaw as Shal sets the pace. At first he’s kind by not shoving his full length in your mouth; however, this kindness doesn’t last.

One push is a little too far and causes you to gag around his length. This pushes the spider to go a little deeper. Your gag reflex would be your betrayal. Shalnark grips the back of your head to guide you at the pace he wants while your hands dig into his thighs. You could feel the trembling of his cock before he pulled away from your lips. Saliva runs down your chin and neck. Soon enough you kept your mouth open and let him use you.

“Fuck you got me too close princess,” Shalnark grunts while helping you to your feet. “Let me treat you to the same.”

At first, you were excited. Then you realized he didn’t cum. You got him close but not enough. Your eyes widen as he kisses your burning lips. “No daddy. I want to cum.”

“Good use of your word kitten,” he mumbles while dragging you to the sink. “I’ll let you cum if you do good. I promise.” His eyes twinkle with some miscivious thoughts.

He uses the sink as a way to prop up your body. You pray that it will continue holding your weight as Shalnark lifts your right leg over his sanding shoulder. This position creates a throbbing pull on your muscles.

A single finger dips into your dripping cunt. He’s teasing the outside as you quake against his touch. You pull at your restraints in hopes of helping him give you something to clench your walls around. “P-please,” you whine.

“Please what, princess?” Shalnark questions.

“Please touch me, daddy,” you cry. Your hips buckle against his touch. Shal hums but compiles. He moves a finger inside your warm cunt which causes you to gasp. Your back arches before hitting the glass of the mirror behind you with your exposed back.

Shalnark curls his finger and touches the spot that sends stars around your eyes. His finger picks up speed while moving in and out of your pussy. Whimpers and whines fall from your lips with little regard for who could hear.

Another finger is added to the one. His pace picks up. “Princess, you’re not ready for me yet. You have to take three of my fingers before being able to handle my cock.”

You whine again. Two felt like enough. You were spread and drowning in your own pleasure; yet, he refused to touch the bundle of nerves. You clenched down on his fingers. “You do that princess and I’ll make it four,” Shalnark whispers. Your pussy made slapping noises with each thrust of his hand.

For all you new, you could be covering his hand with your juices. You wanted to complain but Shal spread you more with a third finger. You clench at the small pain even though he slowed down.

“Doing so well, kitten.” Tears pricked your eyes. Soon Shal could move his fingers without you tightening around them. He took this opportunity to pull out his fingers and lick off any of the remaining juice.

He tears the underwear that holds your wrists. You had no objections as the binding was starting to hurt your arms and wrists. An acceptable pain that would leave bruises for days to come.

Before you could gain composure, Shalnark flips you over to look at yourself in the mirror. Mascara ran down your face from the tears of pleasure and slight pain. Your pupils were blown and lips plump from the barrage of his thick cock. The once beautiful dress was pushed away so that your tits were hanging out. You looked like a sweaty whore; however, your partner only looked hotter. Sweat dripped down his face and wetted his hair. He was filled with determination.

Your once bound wrists were tied by one of his hands behind your back. He uses the other one to line up his cock at your entrance. He traces your lips with the tip of his cock before pushing in. “Fuck,” you grunt while pushing your face more into the mirror. Shalnark uses the momentum of pulling your wrists to bounce you further on his dick.

“Oh princess, you feel better than I imagined,” your partner grunted as he slid out only to push back in. The hand not bound to your wrist slaps your ass at the same time his cock slammed into you.

He did this a few more times until the stinging pain was replaced by Shalnark fucking into you faster. Your whimpers turn into soft screams. Lewd slapping of skin and a few of the spider’s grunts echoed in the small bathroom.

Shal reached up to twist your head to look at yourself in the mirror. “Look at you princess.” He sticks a finger into your open mouth. Drool pools on the end of the sink. “Look at how much of a whore my pretty princess is. Drooling for my cock.”

His hand slid from your mouth to your neck. Lifting you up so that your back is flush against his chest. The hand that was on your wrists was repositioned to your clit. He rubbed rough circles in hopes that the growing tension in your stomach would break.

“Fuck ‘m close,” Shalnark grunts. His hand at your neck tightens around your airway while making it hard to breathe. It was all too much. Your clit, Shalnark’s hand, his thick cock fucking into you.

For the moment after you came, you swore you saw stars. Shalnark pumped a few more times into your cunt until he squirts his cum inside. He bites down on your neck to keep him from moaning. It wasn’t until he was coming down that he finally allowed you to take in the precious oxygen you desperately needed.

Shalnark’s teeth were replaced with soft kisses to your sweat covered skin. He pulled out of you once he and you had come down from your collective highs. Your shaking legs were covered in a mixture of your own cum and his. You shiver from the loss of him filling you up.

“Can you walk, darling?” the blonde questions.

“Yes?”

“Good because we’re going to a hotel. I’m not letting you go.”

“What about our bar tab?” Your question felt hoarse and tired. You had no more fight in you.

“Fuck the bar tab,” Shalnark says while handing you his shirt. “I’m going to fuck you until you can’t walk tomorrow.”

Masterlist

[monodipita]

There's a Fire in My Heart (Yandere!Rengoku x Reader)

Hello! I wanted to start this post off by saying that I am aware that shorter reader-inserts often garner more attention, but I don't mind that my longer reader-inserts don't garner as much. I hope you enjoyed this piece as much as I enjoyed writing him! And a shorter version may come out soon.

Word count: 4,010

Warnings: YANDERE CONTENT. MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SELF-MUTILATION.

Everyone knew about Kyojurou Rengoku. He was the kind, sincere, hard working Hashira who worked his way into the hearts of many. He was handsome and elegant despite being so hardy, with the callouses that adorned his hands like a second skin, and the scars that littered his body. He was able to sway the hearts of many, including your own. You'd been a secret admirer for a while now, writing him cute little notes and leaving them at his post every sunrise that always seemed to make the man smile brighter than the charming smile he always held on his lips.

You knew this because you overheard him talking about the notes with his fellow Hashira Mitsuri Kanroji. "I'd love to meet my secret admirer one day." He told her. One day.

He was always busy, so it became hard to capture his attention... or, rather, it was.

It felt like a stroke of luck so strong that you were going to have bad luck for the rest of your life when you twisted your ankle—because Kyojurou wasn’t looking, and you tripped. Purposefully, yes. You immediately regretted it. Your body came clashing to the forest floor, and the wood inside your basket spilled out onto the ground below you. "Ah!" You whined aloud as an instinctive reflex.

"I'm so sorry!" Kyojurou shot to your side. "Here, I'll grab your things, and then I'll take you to the Butterfly Estate. I'm so sorry!"

You were unable to talk because of how dazed you were, from hitting the forest floor, to the fact that he was now so close to you. You stared at him through bleary eyes as he picked up the long logs of wood and put them back into the basket that was once on your back. He slotted his arms into the straps and helped to hoist your body against his, wrapping his right arm around your waist while his left arm held onto your right. "Stay close, okay? Let me know if I'm doing too much for you."

Shinobu revealed the unfortunate news of being bedridden some few hours later.

”Oh... that’s awful,” he put his right hand over his lips and furrowed his thick brows with worry. His fiery golden eyes looked down at you and caused you to look away before your blush became obvious. “I’m so sorry... [Y/N], was it?”

He knew your name...

“I’ll make up for it somehow, I promise.” He told you. “For now, I must go, I have other matters I must attend to. But I will return, every day at the same time, until you’re better. Okay?”

"Okay."

DAY 1

"I took your wood to your home." He started off the conversation now that he was in the room. "You live alone, [Y/N]?" Alone... if that was a way to put it. "Recently, yes," you admitted aloud, "my family moved away after I passed the The Final Selection. They couldn't agree with my decision to become a demon slayer. I miss them." You smiled wistfully as you recalled the day they cast themselves out of their own home.

Though Kyojurou looked saddened by that answer, he didn't comment on it much further. "I brought your breakfast. Kocho-san was too busy to bring it herself." He set the tray down on your lap. You cringed at the hot feeling, visibly enough to draw his attention—but that might've simply been because you yelped short after. You fought the feeling to reach down and grab at your propped up, sprained ankle, as pain ricocheted through your leg.

"Oh!" He quickly lifted up the tray off of your legs. To your surprise, he didn't spill the contents of the food anywhere around you or on the floor. "I'm sorry, was it too hot?" He asked, causing you to look up at his face. He was blushing out of embarrassment! He looked so cute!

His eyes bulged wide with worry, and the same, saddened frown appeared on his face from moments before. "Just a bit... I wasn't expecting it." You chuckled wryly. "Sorry, you can put it back down." You reassured him and gently pat your lap. "No, it's fine, I'll hold it. I don't want to put any unnecessary strain on your ankle." Kyojurou stated. "It'll be fine! I won't leave until I know you've eaten breakfast."

A blush spread across your own features. He was a selfless man and it showed in every action he performed. How could people not fall in love with him? "Oh, okay," your breath was taken away, clearly. He even went through the act of holding the tray out for you so that you could eat your food. You looked down at what you had to eat—miso soup and onigiri. It smelled delicious. "The cooks here are fantastic." Kyojurou remarked. "I'm sure you've had to spend a lot of time in here, haven't you?" You asked him.

"Mm? Oh, yes." Kyojurou nodded his head. "If I don't come back from a mission with some type of injury, then something is wrong." He chuckled.

"How are they?"

"What is it?"

"I'm just asking, how are the missions? I haven't been able to go on one yet," you admitted, "I've been dealing with a lot of training. Ooyakata-sama says that I'm not ready to go out on my own yet."

Kyojurou looked more than surprised by that answer. "When you live out so far on your own?" He furrowed his brows. "Are you at least training yourself when you cannot attend daily training sessions?" You nodded your head. Of course you tried, but sometimes, training could be too far away. You wouldn't tell him that—you feared that he would pull something out of his sleeve and try to— "eat please, [Y/N]."

"S-sorry," you squeaked. You didn't waste any time digging into your meal. First with the onigiri that seemed to fill you up almost immediately upon biting into the second one. "I don't think I can finish these," you looked up at Kyojurou. His eyes were already on you, as if he was watching you eat. You didn't think anything of it. "Would you like one?"

"I shouldn't... but..." he trailed off as he thought about it, before nodding his head. "I'd appreciate it. I haven't ate, so watching you eat has made me hungry."

"Never starve yourself!" You gently scold him. You reached down and took the rice ball into your hand to give to him, smiling gently at him... until your smile dropped when you realized that you couldn't give it to him. "I-I'm so sorry!" You sputtered. "It's fine. Just feed me," he spoke casually, much to your surprise. You swallowed thickly. Your lips parted to say something, anything about what that man just said, but nothing came out. Your hand instinctively drifted toward his lips, while his head met you halfway. The bite into the food made you jump, your eyes wide as if you were a deer in headlights. You tried not to pay too much mind while you fed him, but it would eventually become apparent that you were embarrassed to do something like this for him. He didn't seem to mind one bit... maybe even he was enjoying it? You had to stop this somehow!

"Do you think the soup has cooled off enough by now to set the tray on my lap?" You asked. The onigiri were delicious, and you weren't joking about it possibly taking up all the space in your stomach. But food was food, and you didn't want to get rid of it all.

Kyojurou hummed and pressed the tray onto his lap. He hovered his right hand over it. "It does seem to be that way." There was the slightest hint of undetectable disappointment in his voice. Had you been better at picking up facades, you would've been able to catch up on it. "Here you go, [Y/N]." He sat the tray down in your lap, engulfing it in warmth. He took the rice ball from you and continued to chew on it while you dug into the soup.

The meal was finished, even though you didn't want it to be. It was filled with eerie silence, because you didn't have anything to say, and Kyojurou was... well, eating. "It was a fantastic meal!" Kyojurou beamed, "I'll be sure to thank them on my way out. Now—" he stood straight, “I have to go. It was nice eating with you, [Y/N]—“

The two of you were interrupted by the sound of a shoji opening. You were surprised to see two butterfly attendants making their way into the room with a room service cart. “What is this?” You asked, “I thought Rengoku-san had the breakfast covered for me?”

”I believe there’s been some sort of mixup. We just finished making breakfast ten minutes ago—but this tray does look like ours.” They picked up the tray and observed it. “Maybe we—“

”There’s no need to conduct an investigation.” Kyojurou spoke up. “I lied about the breakfast. To tell you the truth, I am the one who made that breakfast, and I hoped that we could eat it together.” He smiled apologetically and bowed, “I’m sorry for the confusion I’ve caused, but I truly must take my leave. I’ll see you tomorrow, [Y/N].”

H-he wanted to eat with me?!

Your heart couldn’t stop pounding a furious beat against your chest. You just couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth! Eat with you?! You barely knew each other! “Bye,” you weakly called to him while he left the room. If this was going to happen every day? Why, it didn’t feel too bad after the initial impact...

DAY 2

Hours poured into the morning. It felt unusually past the time Kyojurou said he was going to show up... not that you had a way of knowing. Breakfast had already been served, and you were left with the displeasure of eating it on your own, in the silence of your room. You thought you would've been used to the quiet, after all, you lived alone now—but he seemed to dull that pain. Now you missed him.

“[L/N]-san. Are you busy?” Shinobu’s voice was a break in the thick silence, and very much welcomed. The presence of another person was soothing.

You glanced up from your lap and nodded. “Not at all. Please, come in.”

Shinobu slid the shoji shut behind her and stepped over to the bed. She sat down in the bedside chair and elegantly folded her limbs atop one another while she addressed you. There was a warm, inviting smile on her face, much like the one Kyojurou held. “How are you feeling?”

”I’m feeling alright.” You responded. “My foot seems to be doing better than before! I think I’ll be able to get back on my feet by the end of the week.” At least you hoped so. As much as it was nice to be able to have the Flame Hashira see you in personalized visits, you had a life that you needed to live outside of these four walls.

“You’re right about that,” Shinobu started, “but that doesn’t mean I want you to immediately start hopping on your feet and walking around one-legged. In order to make a full recovery, I want you to stay for another two days. Is that fine with you?”

You winced. Two more days of staying in this bed? What if Rengoku-san didn’t show up again? Was it worth it? “That’s fine,” you weakly respond. No it isn’t. But did you have a choice? Not exactly.

”Thank you.” Shinobu stood. “With the more important information out of the way, I’ll allow visitation now—after what happened yesterday involving the mishap with Rengoku-san, I shortened your visitation hours. I didn’t like having to dispose of a good meal just because someone wanted to be friendly.” There was scorn in her voice. You nodded your head slowly in scolded understanding. “I’m sorry about that.”

”You don’t have to apologize,” Shinobu said. She walked over to the shoji. “Please, be well.”

As soon as she left, Kyojurou emerged from the shoji. He looked radiant, as usual, like the sun on a beautiful day with clear skies. His smile acted as the ray of sunshine that would blind your eyes, but at least you welcomed this form of sunshine. A smile bled onto your own lips as he fully made his way into the room and shut the shoji behind him. Alone, the two of you.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.” He let out a sigh while he walked over to the bedside chair. “Kocho-san is strict, but with good intentions.” He said aloud, as if to convince the two of you of that fact. "I know that. I'm still appreciative of what you did for me, even if we might've gotten into trouble."

You reached over and gently grabbed his forearm—noticing that he winced from that feeling. “Oh, did you just come back from a mission?” You asked. There must’ve been a cut under his uniform’s sleeves. Come to think of it, you could see a faint spot of blood where your hand pressed against it. "Does it need to be patched up?" You frowned with worry.

”Oh; no, that’s not it. I happened to get into a bit of an accident earlier this morning while I was cutting wood,” he explained, “I’ve already patched it up. No need to worry—it just hurt a bit, that’s all.” He smiled reassuringly, one that nearly melted you. You smiled back at him just as much. “I see.” You responded, “well, I have exciting news.”

He perked up. “What is it?”

”I’m going to be discharged in two days.” You told him. “You won’t have to worry about me anymore.”

”Two days?” Kyojurou’s face contorted. He looked... worried. He was quick to voice his thoughts about the decision. “Are you sure that’s going to be all you need? I thought sprained ankles needed more time to heal,”

It was so cute. How could he be so worried about someone he had just met? You found yourself giggling at him. “Relax. I feel much better now than how I felt yesterday. If I could, I’d even try getting up and walking around to see how it felt.” Being able to walk around would’ve been a relief. As enjoyable as it sounded before, being bedridden felt much like a nightmare. “I definitely don’t recommend it,” he said, clearly half-joking. “Please take care of yourself. Well—I have to go.” He rushed to get out of his seat. He stood tall, reaching over to gently pat your leg before he half-turned to face the shoji to leave.

”So soon?” You frowned. You were going to be lonely for the rest of the day...

”Visitation hours were cut short; remember, silly?” Kyojurou chuckled. “I’ll try to see you and stay for longer tomorrow.” He stepped out of the room as quickly as he came in, leaving you in the silence.

DAY 3

No sign of Kyojurou—just another quiet day. He said he would come... was there something wrong? You wanted to ask someone so badly, but you didn't even know how to voice it. For now, you would just stay quiet about it. Maybe he had to go on an actual mission. Aww... that would've meant that you couldn't see each other when you were discharged...

DAY 4

Discharge day. You couldn’t wait for this day as much as you dreaded it. It would be fantastic to finally get out of this room, out into the world, where you could go home and be in the comfort of your own bed. You awoke early to catch Shinobu just in time, who stepped into the room with the same, happy go lucky smile on her face. “I know you must be excited about today, [L/N]-san.”

”I am,” you beamed while you began to sit up. You slowly, steadily raised yourself off the bed and met her halfway. The sensation of walking... felt strange, after not doing it for so long. Your legs felt partially asleep, and there was a dull pain in your ankle that was sure to become annoying after a while. “How are you feeling?” She asked. “If I need to change your compression bandages for you, then I can.” She held out the gauze for grabs. ”I’ll be fine. Thank you for your magnificent service, Kocho-san.” You bowed to her and took the gauze out of her hand.

"[Y/N]-san!"

Kyojurou's voice grabbed your attention and made you nearly squeal with excitement. You hurried as best as you could to reach the shoji and thrust it open to eagerly meet the sight of him. He smelled faintly of burning wood... "did you just get done with doing something?" You asked. "Maybe something important?"

"Not important, no," the beaming, fiery-haired man shook his head and continued to smile. "I wanted to walk you home." A walk home? That sounded so sweet of him. "Oh," a blush spread thinly across your cheeks, "that's very nice of you. Thank you, Rengoku-san." The two of you stepped out of the Butterfly Estate. The walk was a quiet one... Kyojurou seemed so fixated on simply walking, and your mind was occupied by the fact that you were even having the chance to walk home with him made it so exciting.

It came into view. It took longer to get there than what you normally remembered it taking, but you shrugged it off, merely thinking of it as nothing more but a slow pace. He was just so considerate, after all.

You stepped in behind him after he opened the shoji for you. Home sweet home... it smelled like it, felt like it. Everything looked unchanged—but there was something off about it all. You could tell. "Wait... this isn't my home," you narrowed your eyes. Bewilderment seeped into your brain while you tried to make sense of it. "Why are all of my clothes and belongings here? Where are we truly at, Rengoku-san?"

Tricked. You were almost tricked, but you recognized your home anywhere you were at. These walls weren't the same. You didn't have an irori...

"I thought long and hard about it, but... I can't keep hiding the truth from you, [Y/N]-san." Kyojurou reached over to grab one of your hands, pulling the limp appendage into his own and giving it a gentle squeeze. What is he talking about? "For some time now, I have admired you. I liked watching you take your daily walks. I liked seeing that you were healthy, I liked seeing you take care of yourself."

What?

"I liked the notes that you left on my engawa—seeing you play dumb as if you weren't the one who put those notes there. The cute little smudge-marks your fingers would make when you were finished with the ink," he gently squeezed your hand.

How did he know?

"When you told me that you lived alone, it only confirmed my suspicions. You don't have anyone else to go to. I would hate such a life for someone who is so deserving of any love that comes their way."

Why was he talking about it?

"I did what I thought was the best thing to do..." he trailed off to take your other hand in his, squeezing both of them as he made his way in front of you. "You don't have to love me, all you have to do is trust me."

"Why?" Your lips were trembling. You felt sick. Yes, everything or what you could see of everything from your home was inside this single room, but it wasn't what mattered. You grew up in that home, and he... and he... "You took everything away from me. Y-you burned my home."

"No... no, don't think about it that way." Kyojurou looked all over your expression for some sign of comfort. His hands dropped yours to cup your cheeks, staring into your own with a worried expression. "That's not how you should think about it, [Y/N]-san. Don't you understand? This will be the opportunity to start your life anew with me."

It was so deranged, so sick. You barely had the physical power to shrug him off, but you managed to pull through. You needed to go back, you needed to see what he did to the only place that reminded you of your family that you had left.

"No... please, [Y/N]-san, you don't want to do this," Kyojurou tried to reason as he trailed behind you, off the engawa and into the barren yard, "you're going to see things that you don't want to see. You don't have to subject yourself to that torture." His hand touched your forearm and gently grasped it. You lashed out at him and ripped your arm out of his grip. "Leave me! Don't you see that you've ruined my life!?"

Kyojurou stood still. "Y-you don't get it," he stammered, "[Y/N]-san, I need you too. You have the energy I want in my life!" He raised his strained voice as he ripped both sleeves of his uniform up on his body to reveal scars. Plenty of them. It was alarming, but in your mind, it couldn't have hurt as much as seeing your childhood home burn down. "You're speaking like a madman," you scolded him. "I don't even know why I'm entertaining someone so delusional."

"...I'll do it."

The blade came as a shock. Your eyes widened, how did he get his hands on one so quickly? You thought you couldn't even see his arms moving... "I deserve it for being a bad significant other, don't I?" He sounded so creepy. His voice sounded off; desperate, but loving. "I've hurt you, so I must hurt myself, right?"

"..." you grimaced. How did you respond to an emotionally taxing situation like this? "You wouldn't...Rengoku-san, I don't even know you!"

"But you do!" He blurted back at you. "I'll do anything for you, [Y/N]. I just ask that you come back! Walk back to me... you don't have to see what happened to your home, you can just be with me," he pleaded.

But you didn't listen. No, you wouldn't. You turned and ran as fast, and as hard as your feet could take you into the forest, into the direction of your home. The scent of something burning helped with your path-finding, but it didn't matter. Your ankle started hurting. Hurting, hurting, and hurting. You'd forgotten that it was even strained until just now, where the pain became so severe that you ended up toppling over your injury.

"AH!"

You fell to the forest floor and squeezed your eyes shut out of pain. "Hoo... oh fuck," you hissed, clenching your teeth and bowing your head. What a painful feeling to come across, it was almost excruciating. But you needed to keep going... he was coming after you. Even if he threatened to do whatever he did back there, the pain of going through it wasn't going to stop him.

"[Y/N]-san... please."

He was already on you... maybe he was even behind you the entire time and you were under the foolish assumption that you'd escaped his line of sight. No, not at all.

"Get-get away from me!" You yelled at him. "Please!"

You stifled a gasp and a sob as his bloodied hands caressed your face. His hands trembled while his thumbs pressed directly into your cheeks while his thumb smeared the blood from his hands onto your poor cheeks. His blood. You knew what he did to himself. "Finally," he whispered, "I've finally caught you...and you can't leave me anymore. Please, [Y/N]-san, for our sake... think of this as our new life together. How I've waited so long for this opportunity, and now that I have it..!"

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Too Many Mistakes - Part 2 (S.CB)

Warnings : swearing, mentions of cheating, smoking

Word Count : 2008

Synopsis : a year after she left, she was face to face with him once again. in the past, she forgave him without him trying. but this time, he was going to prove to her that he could be the man she deserved.

Author’s Note : i wasn’t intending to write a part 2, but an anon requested it so I wrote it for them. i hope you enjoy this part 2! if anyone else has any requests, let me know. i’ll try my best!

He spent the next year alone, waking up in an empty bed made for two, her side completely untouched. Sitting at the table to eat, looking at the empty chair across from him wondering if she was eating wherever she was. Coming home to the place that no longer feels like home, not with her gone.

           He messed up time and time again, that he knew. She was always forgiving, loving him in a way he knows he never deserved. He no longer goes to the club, no longer entertains other women, and instead spends his days alone, holding onto a love he knows deserves better. But he wants to be better; for her. Anything for her.

           After traveling for a couple months, she returned to Seoul, moving into a new apartment, and getting her life back on track. She enrolled in university after finding her dream and got a delivery job that works around her school hours. After a year, things were finally falling back into place.

           Until they fell apart. She stood in front of the place she once called home, holding a bag filled with an order she knew all too well. It’s been a year, but he was still the same. He was still the only man she’s ever loved, but today he was just a customer. “Y/N.” Her name always sounded the best coming from him.

           “Delivery.” She handed him the brown paper bag. “Cash or card?” She already knew the answer, pulling out the portable debit machine and handing it over before he could even say a word. She took this time to study him. His hair was a mess, sticking up in random directions, and he had dark circles under his eyes. When the machine was back in her hands, she turned to leave, hoping he would let her go.

           “Can I talk to you?” But he didn’t. It’s been a year since he’s last seen her, and he wanted to take her in just a little longer. He doesn’t deserve anything from her, not even a minute of her time, but he was going to ask. And she gave it to him. As if one year hadn’t passed, as if he was still her boyfriend. She stood in front of him, waiting for another excuse like all the ones from the past. “I’m sorry for not loving you the way I should.” But they didn’t come.

           “What’s your excuse this time?” He didn’t say anything at first, not used to the bite of her words. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, and sorry is nowhere near enough to fix the hurt he gave her, and he knew that. He knew a year was a long time, people change in shorter periods of time, but he couldn’t help but miss the girl she once was. So loving, so forgiving. But he knows he’s the reason she changed, he’s the reason her walls are built so high up.

           “I don’t have one, not this time. I’ve been kicking myself in the ass ever since you left. But I know I deserved to be left. You’re a diamond, but I treated you like dirt.” He took a step closer to her and her feet stayed planted on the ground. “And I just want you to know how sorry I am.”

           “I don’t forgive you.” He nodded but still took another step closer to her. “I forgave you too many times. You no longer deserve my forgiveness.”

           “Let me earn it.” Her eyes went wide at his words. “I never did anything in the past to earn your forgiveness. So let me earn it this time.” He was still the same Changbin that stole her heart all those years ago, but he was so different from the Changbin she left a year ago. She knows he doesn’t deserve this chance; he doesn’t deserve her. But he’s still the man that owns her heart. No matter how hard she tried to forget him, how hard she tried to move on, it still came down to him. She always came back to him.

           “I make no promises, but you can try.” A soft smile spread across his lips before he pulled her in for a hug. He still smelled like her Changbin, but he hugged her tighter. He held her as if she would disappear if he let go. “I have to get back to work, but my number is still the same.” She pushed him away, got into her car, and drove away.

           She didn’t expect him to reach out, to actually try and earn her forgiveness. But he did. He woke up earlier to deliver her favourite coffee from her favourite café every morning before her class. He spent his weekends with her, giving her the attention she had to beg for in the past. He tried his best to show her he was going to love her right this time; if he got the chance.

           “Are you free this weekend?” Jisung, a classmate and friend, asked as they exited the school. “I have a show on Saturday and I was hoping you’d come.” She could see the hope in his eyes and happily agreed.

           “Y/N!” Her and Jisung looked in the direction of the voice calling her name. Changbin pushed himself off his car and walked towards them. “Did you want to grab something to eat before your shift?” Jisung looked between the ex-couple, wondering who this man was, and why she never brought him up before.

           “Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sungie.” She waved goodbye to her confused friend and followed Changbin to his car, getting in when he opened the door for her.

           She really didn’t want to fall in love again, especially with Changbin. But he makes it so hard when he looks at her like she’s the only girl in the world. And to Changbin, she is. She is the only girl he’s ever loved, the only girl he will ever love. He can’t believe he ever allowed another girl to take him away from the beautiful girl in front of him. No one has ever compared.

           “Where are you going?” Changbin asked as he stood in the living room of her apartment, watching her rush around to finish getting ready. They spend every weekend together, but now here she is getting ready to spend Saturday evening with another man.

           “I told you yesterday, Bin. Jisung has a show tonight and I promised I’d be there.” She grabbed her purse from the kitchen table before walking towards the door to put her shoes on. “You can come if you want.” He didn’t hesitate in following her out the door and to the club Jisung was performing at. A club Changbin recognized all too well. It’s been 14 months since he last stepped foot in this club.

           The place was crowded, more than he remembered, but she seemed to know exactly where to go. He wondered how many times she’s been here. If she always goes to Jisung’s shows. Is he the person that kept her company all these months? “You made it!” Jisung exclaimed when he saw her, throwing his arms around her.

           “Have I ever missed one of your shows, Sungie?” Changbin stood back a couple steps, watching the way the two interact. She doesn’t seem to hold back with Jisung, not the way she holds back with him. Her smile was wide and she seemed truly happy, happier than when she’s with him. “I hope you don’t mind, but I brought Changbin.” At the mention of his name, Changbin took the few steps forward and properly introduced himself.

           “Nice to meet you, Changbin.” He could immediately tell why the two of them got along. Within seconds, Changbin knew Jisung was a better option for her. Jisung would never make the mistakes he made.

           Jisung soon disappeared backstage to prepare. “I think you’ll really like him, Bin.” He smiled as he draped his arm across her shoulders, keeping her close to him. He fully expected her to push him away, but she moved closer to him, smiling softly back at him.

           “If you think I will, then I’m sure I will.” People were surrounding them, but his eyes were only on her. He only has eyes for her.

           “Oh my god! Binnie, is that you?!” Changbin turned when he heard his name over the loud chatter around him, his arm falling from her shoulders as he came face to face with a girl he barely recognized. “It is you!” She wrapped her arms around him, but he didn’t return the hug, instead pushing her off him. “Oh come on Binnie, it’s me!”

           “I’m sorry. I don’t remember you, and I’m here with someone.” He turned to introduce this strange girl to his true love, but she disappeared. Immediately, he started searching for her, frantically running through the crowds of people, desperate to explain that he truly only had eyes for her. He will only have eyes for her.

           After searching the whole club, he made his way outside, spotting the love of his life sharing a cigarette with a man he didn’t recognize. A man with a kind face and broad shoulders. As he got closer, he could see Jisung beside them, shaking his head at whatever she was saying. “Y/N.” Changbin softly called out, causing all three of them to look at him.

           “No.” Jisung said, taking a protective step in front of her, but she pushed herself forward, telling Jisung it was okay.

           “I wanted to believe you, Bin, but you haven’t changed. You’ll never change. I can’t forgive you, no matter how hard you try to earn it. So just walk away.” She turned back to Jisung and the other man, but Changbin wasn’t going to back down, he wasn’t going to lose her again.

           “No. I’m not going to walk away. Not this time, not any time.” When she faced him this time, he could see the tears that threatened to fall, but he refused to be the reason she cried, not this time. “I promise you I have no idea who that girl was. If you had waited just a couple more seconds, you would have seen me push her off and try to introduce her to you. Because I’m all about you. I made mistakes in the past, too many to count, but I will never make those mistakes again. Because I know what it’s like to be without you, and it’s fucking hell, Y/N.” His voice was getting louder and louder the more he spoke, but he had years to make up for. Years of sitting idly by while he watched her hurt. She always fixed everything even when it wasn’t hurt fault. Now it’s his turn. “I stopped going out after you left. I didn’t even try to move on because I knew no one could ever compare to you. It’s always been you, and I wish I realized that before I ruined everything. But I am not walking away. I am never going to stop trying to earn your forgiveness. Because I love you, and I fight for what I love.”

           “What if I can never forgive you?” She met his eyes as the tears began to fall. He cupped her face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

           “Then I’ll never stop trying to earn it. Because you’re worth it, Y/N.”

           “You really didn’t know her?”

           “Not a clue.” He whispered, wiping another tear as he blinked back his own. He sees now just how badly he broke her, but he will spend a lifetime putting her back together.

           “Kiss me.” She whispered. And he did. No hesitation. She knew there was still things they had to work on, things to talk about. He made a lot of mistakes in the past, and she forgave him too many times. She forgave him without him having to work for it, but not this time. This time, Changbin earned her forgiveness.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[ikeromantic]

In the Spotlight

A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfiction, approx. 1700 words. This scene occurs after the events of the romantic epilogue and includes some of what happens in the part 2 introduction. Mostly fluff!

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: Uncomfortable Questions

Kyubei bowed low and held the position. It wasn’t his first time to report to Nobunaga, but it was his first time to do so without explicit instructions from his lord. He was nervous, but it didn’t show. Kyubei could hold an icy composure as well as Akechi.

“Report.” Nobunaga’s tone was flat, hiding his own frustration.

Hideyoshi and Masamune weren’t trying to hide theirs. The one-eyed dragon was pacing and Toyotomi’s scowl could have peeled paint.

“There is no evidence,” Kyubei cleared his throat, “that the forces at Kasugayama are involved in the attacks on Azuchi. However -” he paused. This was the part that made him sweat. “The disappearance of Lord Akechi and the lady chatelaine coincide with the vanishing of their ninja, Sarutobi Sasuke.”

“I don’t believe it.” Masamune stopped, one hand dropping to his sword hilt. “There’s no way that ninja got the drop on Mitsuhide.”

Hideyoshi nodded. “Agreed. My guess is that they are working together.”

Kyubei interrupted. “I find that unlikely, my lord. At least, in the manner you suggest. If I may?”

Nobunaga indicated he should continue.

“My sources tell me Shingen Takeda is ill, and between the loss of his ally and his ninja, Kenshin is unstable. Seeking conflict within his own forces as well as outside. It is unlikely he is aiding Kasugayama. Though he must have known Sarutobi's absence might . . .” He frowned, wondering how much he should imply, what he could suggest.

Ieyasu saved him the need. “Mitsuhide was making plans for an extended absence. I think we should consider that he has left, with Sasuke, to visit the chatelaine’s homeland.”

Mitsunari nodded. “This would make sense. There could be something about the events of the night he disappeared that forced them to leave sooner than he expected.”

“There’s more to it, and if I know that snake -” Hideyoshi’s rant was cut short by Nobunaga’s raised hand.

“Enough. I did not wish to bare Akechi’s secrets, but Ieyasu is correct. Mitsuhide sought my permission to take the chatelaine to her home. He was uncertain how long they would be gone.”

The room exploded with sound, warlords talking over one another. Hideyoshi was ranting about safety and plots; Masamune demanded permission to seek them out. Keiji was laughing. Ieyasu and Mitsunari were relatively silent, waiting for the excitement to die down.

Nobunaga’s carnelian eyes quieted each man in turn.

When he could be heard again, Kyubei continued. “I made contact with Ranmaru. He is seeking out the forces responsible for the attack on Azuchi, along with other spies in our network.”

“Ranmaru? That boy is afraid of his own shadow. Completely unreliable,” Hideyoshi muttered, not unkindly. “He should be here.”

Kyubei couldn’t help the slight smile at that. He didn’t approve of Ranmaru’s tangled loyalties, but one could not argue with his ability to act a part. “Of course, my lord. But Ranmaru insisted. And he does have many friends to rely on for information.”

Ieyasu stood. “This doesn’t answer my questions though. Where is the chatelaine? Is she safe? When will she return? We all know Akechi has his . . . plans. I’m not worried about him. He’ll turn up when and where he wants to. But she’s -”

“You’re worried about her!” Mitsunari beamed. “I knew you were just trying to hide it when you told me-”

“Shut up.” Ieyasu glared. “I’m just . . . the enemy could use her against us. We need to know where she is.”

“Agreed,” Masamune spoke up. “I will put together a team. We’ll find her.”

“My lords, I am afraid she and Mitsuhide are beyond any team.” Kyubei sighed. “The greater concern is what this impacts and how it will be used against us. The Ikko Ikki are moving. The Mouri clan have resumed pirating, and we know it was Kichou that executed the attack on Azuchi. In addition, we have rumors the shogun in exile is drawing a new following.”

Mitsunari frowned. “Yes, I reviewed several shipment records and troop movements from old loyalist daimyo. It appears we are not done with the shogun as of yet.”

Kyubei bit his lip. The scribe they’d installed should have been satisfied to live in luxurious exile, but it seemed the old shogun’s loyalist stirred his greed. Or maybe they were using him as a puppet. He had no way to know, as the spies in Ashitaka’s court had all fallen silent.

Nounaga spoke again. “Hideyoshi, you and Keiji will pursue the Mouri. Masamune, I want you to make contact with Kasugayama. Offer a truce. See what they can offer up about their missing ninja. They may be willing to hunt down our enemies with us, as it does them no benefit to see this land descend into chaos.” His gaze fell on Ieyasu. “You will join Kyubei’s efforts to track down Mitsuhide and the chatelaine. Your research and his current knowledge will yield results.”

“May I assist Lord Tokugawa?” Mitsunari’s innocent smile could have been worn by an angel. He was completely oblivious to the sudden grimace on his friend’s face.

“You may, in your spare time. I need your mind fixed on calculating provisions, troop movements, bridges, and roads. There will be fighting soon.”

Mitsunari acquiesced with a bow.

Kyubei delivered the rest of his report, and then was dismissed. He went straight to the Akechi mansion and opened a bottle of sake. Alcohol was a vice he rarely indulged in, but today he felt like he needed it. He’d exposed some of his lord’s business without permission. He had no idea how or if this would impact Akechi’s plans. And now . . . he’d be working with Ieyasu. It would be difficult to keep the secrets he needed to keep.

He kept drinking until the room spun and the lights all wore halos. Kyubei might have kept it up, but he ran out of bottles and couldn’t make the walk to fetch more. Instead, he fell asleep, sprawled out on the floor of his lord’s office.

***

Mitsuhide felt a mix of relief and distress when his little one explained the plastic stick on the bathroom counter. It meant they were not having a child together. Not yet, at any rate. And this was good. He was in no position here to father a child. But . . .

The image of himself holding a child. His. Hers. His heart felt too big for his chest, thinking of what such a child would be like. His very own son or daughter. One with his love’s sweetness. His eyes. Her nose. His perception. It made him ache, as if he had an old bruise, a wound that hadn’t healed. Which was completely irrational.

He looked out the train window at the rapidly passing countryside. Trees. Hills. Houses. Different and not so different from the world he knew. He should be spending this time planning the next few days, not moping. Kitsunes did not mope.

“Are you ok? Are you nervous?” His little mouse put her hand on his leg, comforting.

“Yes and yes.” Mitsuhide turned his head to give her a sideways smile. “I have never had to meet the parents of my betrothed.” He had expected Nobunaga to marry a woman to him for political purpose. Some well-bred woman who knew how to run a house and had courtly manners. A woman he would never love, but could put up with, at a distance. Yet here he was.

She laughed. “It will be ok, really. I talked to okaasan and she is excited to meet you. She’s happy for us.”

“And you father?” Mitsuhide raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure he’ll get used to the idea. He’s just . . . to him, I’m still a little kid. But I’m sure once he sees us together, he’ll come around.”

Mitsuhide was less certain about that. He’d known several fathers and they fell into two categories, most of the time. There were the men who could care less about their children beyond their use to the clan. And there were the men that treated their children as things of wonder. Not that they coddled them - but they cared. About their education, their work, their friends. He was sure his lover’s otousan fell into that second group.

The train stop came sooner than he might have liked. The two of them disembarked. There were only a handful of people getting off the train here, so it was easy to spot her parents.

They were dressed conservatively. Her father was a little shorter than Mitsuhide, and a little thicker around the middle. His greying hair was thin on top, and he wore glasses. Her mother was small and wore a smile he would have known anywhere.

The parents caught sight of them at about the same time Mitsuhide’s study of them finished.

“Otou-chan! Okaasan!” His little mouse flung herself across the platform, and was swept up in a hug from both sides. Tears ran down her face, and her cheeks were stretched in a wide smile.

Mitsuhide felt out of place in this moment of familial warmth. He had no such experience himself, and did not want to intrude either way. He stood quietly, holding their bags. Waiting as they exchanged hugs, kisses, and stammered apologies and explanations. As if they could make up for half a year apart in a few minutes.

Her father finally looked up and met Mitsuhide’s eyes. His were dark and suspicious. Protective. “You.”

His little one smacked his arm. “Be nice, papa. This is my fiancé, Mitsuhide. Mitsuhide, this is my father, Minoru, and my mother, Youko.”

Mitsuhide bowed low. “I am pleased to meet you both.”

Her father didn’t reply, but her mother did. “We are so glad to meet you too! It was such a surprise . . . our little girl . . . disappearing and then -”

“And then coming back with a weird boyfriend,” her father interrupted.

Oh yes. This was already going very well. Just as expected. Mitsuhide straightened and put on his best ‘trust me’ smile. “If there were any way we could have done it differently, I promise we would have. I hope we’ll be able to lay any worries you have to rest.”

She stepped over to his side and took his arm. “Yes, I plan on explaining everything.” His little mouse was the one to look nervous now. And no wonder. After much discussion, they’d decided on telling her family a version of the truth.

In fact, Sasuke and Miyake were supposed to come out the following day to provide backup evidence for their story. But even with that, they were asking her parents to accept a lot all at once. Mitsuhide did not see their chances of success as being very high, but for her, he would try anything.

Next: Bonding

[awkwardgtace]

Secret Brother Pt1

New OCs let's go. Trying out something idk if I'll write more with these guys. Realizing some bit of traumatic past seems required in my ocs so far.

TW: mentions of abandonment. Later parts will have mentions of a borrower being treated like a pet this is entirely painted in how fuckin wrong it is and how it added to the trauma.

Part 2 Part 3 (Final)

Secret Brother Part 1

Everything started when Mikhail’s students were talking about some weird happenings in their dorm. Things were going missing and a voice was heard commonly late at night. They started to say they thought it was haunted. He offered to host a study session to disprove anything, making sure to bring his shoulder bag. It was easy enough to leave open on the ground and should be tempting enough for the ‘ghost’ to climb in. He kept a close eye out and sat near a wall he thought he saw a crack in. He was starting to worry that this wouldn’t work, until he saw a small form climbing up the edge of his bag. He didn’t like doing this, but he knew the students in this dorm were more likely to share their discovery. They were being too obvious here, probably someone who just struck out on their own. Now the dorm ‘ghost’ would be somewhere much safer and could learn the skills they needed.

Mikhail was anxious for the remainder of the session. He couldn’t be obvious for the sake of the one in his bag, and the others around him. He carefully placed his bag on his shoulder, opting to carry the books he’d used out as he continued speaking with the students. He rushed to his car, placing the bag safely on the floor of the passenger seat. He took the drive slower than normal, eyes constantly drifting to his bag. He parked and rushed straight to his door. Once inside he placed his bag on the ground, unzipped it, and pulled out a random book. He quickly walked off, settling down in a chair pretending to read. He was keeping an eye out for when his passenger left the bag. After an hour he decided to just leave the bag on the floor for a few days, give the little one time to get out.

It took a few days, but he finally heard the ‘ghost’ acting. It started with a clatter sound from his kitchen late at night. He held his breath, waiting for another sign. A voice that sounded somewhat young started mumbling. He wanted to get involved and help, but it’s never gone well in the past. He would just stay as an oblivious human and they could figure this all out. At least that was his promise to himself, but the little one was far from subtle. He could hear them talking to themselves on a daily basis, they were leaving messes, and worst of all they left trails back to their entrances. Mikhail had promised himself he wouldn’t get involved anymore, but he couldn’t leave this. He sighed, gathering what he needed to help out the inexperienced borrower.

He faked a phone call claiming he’d be gone for a few days then left shutting the door loudly. He went around to the back of his house, pulling out a fishing hook with a line attached and hanging it on the windowsill of the kitchen window. He’d left it open just enough someone the size of his guest could squeeze through. He focused on the feeling he’d grown used to over the years and watched the world slowly grow around him. In only a few seconds the world towered around him. He started climbing quickly, a little out of practice since he’d gotten his size under control.

He squeezed through the open window, reminding himself to open it just a bit more next time. Once inside he froze, he never once considered the borrower might recognize him. He considered squeezing out the window again, but was stopped before taking a step. He heard a small clatter, and saw a poorly made paper clip hook fail to catch. He heard a groan from below as the paper clip fell from the counter. He just had to hope they wouldn’t notice the similarities between the human they were living with and the new borrower in the house. He took a steadying breath then marched to the edge of the counter. The borrower was already murmuring to themselves, it was clearly a problem.

“You know you’ll get caught talking to yourself like that right?” he called down. The source of the failed hook screamed, clearly not expecting anyone to be here. Mikhail hadn’t been wrong, this was definitely a kid. They were probably a teenager, and honestly didn’t look like they’d had an easy time. He took his own hook, placing it down and throwing the string off the edge. “Climb up and we can talk. Don’t want to be too loud in case the human is around.”

The kid had no hesitation climbing up, that much trust could be dangerous. Although most people this size trusted each other almost blindly. They were worn out and panting once they were at the top of the counter, clearly new to borrowing. Had he accidentally kidnapped a young curious kid? He’d find out if anyone else was there once he’d trained the kid a bit. He gave them another minute before finally starting with his plan.

“Kid, why were you making so much noise? Half of being a borrower is being quiet especially when out in the open.” he said. The kid opened their eyes and Mikhail realized he’d made a mistake. Their eyes were watery, they must have been terrified. The kid sniffled a bit as they finally got their breath back.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” they said, “my parents didn’t really teach me how to borrow yet. W-we were on our way to a new home when a storm hit and I got separated. I wound up here by accident. I climbed in the human’s bag, I thought I saw loose threads I could use, along with some food. Th-they closed the bag on me and I wound up in this house.”

“Where were you before?” Mikhail asked. He wondered if there was a chance he could find the kid’s parents at the school.

“I’m not sure, I was dragged by water for a long time. When I got out of it I-I ran to the first building I found. I’m pretty sure they got dragged away too...” the kid’s voice was quiet. They seemed to know they weren’t going to find their parents. It sounded like there may be more to the story the kid didn’t want to mention yet. Mikhail would do everything he could to make sure they could survive on their own. He was getting attached already and he hated it.

“Well I was planning to stay here for a few days before moving on again,” he started. “I can teach you the basics. I happen to know you picked a pretty good human to live with. This one doesn’t tend to investigate small noises, but he has gotten curious from times I took too much.”

“Wait wait, you'll teach me? W-why? Isn’t it better to just move on and leave me to whatever happens?”

“Who told you that?” Mikhail’s voice went icy. The kid lost their family and just needed some guidance.

“Well, I uh, I met other borrowers who always said that. Then my parents too...sometimes.”

Mikhail was ready to scream hearing that. He’d dealt with people like that a lot since he lost his parents. He wrapped his arm around the kid’s shoulders and pulled him into a half hug. They froze but soon melted into the contact, he started rubbing his arm on their arm to calm them. The kid started to cry and Mikhail just let them. He knew they were safe and later, he’d say they should be careful. He let them go as long as they wanted, he knew sometimes you just needed times like this. The kid was the first one to pull away, looking a bit ashamed as they did so.

“I’m sorry about that,” they said. “We were lucky the human didn’t come back, I could have gotten us both caught. I-if this is where you usually live I can leave. I don’t want to put you at risk.”

“I offered to teach you, didn't I? No one has to leave, besides I tend to be a bit more nomadic. My name is Mik, he and him,” he said.

“I-I,” the kid shook his head, “My name is Ian, he and him too, I think. Are you really all right to teach me?”

“Don’t worry about the he and him thing too much, if something else feels right just tell me, ok Ian?”

Ian nodded his head. Mikhail took the time to really assess him now that he didn’t have to worry about being an accidental kidnapper. He didn’t look like he’d had much to eat recently, although that wasn’t uncommon for borrowers. His clothes were a bit baggy, and needed some patching. Mikhail may try to pull some tricks with his shifting to get him some better clothes. Ian seemed to be at least a full inch shorter than Mikhail, which wasn’t reassuring if they ever met when he was human.

“Ian, how old are you?” he finally asked. He needed an idea before deciding the next steps.

“I-I’m seventeen, or well I’m almost seventeen.”

Mikhail nodded, a little surprised he was that old. Ian was just a teenager after all. He knew what to do then. First they’d make a better hook, then practice having it catch on tables and counters. Then how to grab supplies without leaving a trace. He’d leave him with the fish hook once the few days he gave himself were up. The fish hook and line is sturdier, and would last with fewer replacements longer. Perfect for someone still just learning, plus he could just start a collection of random hooks to leave out.

“All right, here's the plan,” Mikhail explained. It didn’t take more than that for Ian to get excited. He trailed behind Mikhail hanging on every word, mouthing the important things. Mikhail felt like he had a little brother with how this was going. He couldn’t deny that he was enjoying being with Ian like this. It’s been a while since he really spent time with people outside of work. By the time the weekend ended and ‘Mik’ had to move on, neither was happy with it. Mikhail knew Ian would get better without trouble, but he didn’t want to leave him alone.

They were sitting in Ian’s home, set up a lot better with the supplies they grabbed safely over two days. Ian had gotten into a habit of staying almost on top of Mikhail while in the home, like he thought he’d disappear. It left Mikhail with a sour feeling, knowing he had to leave the kid at least for the week. He jumped a little as that thought crossed his mind. He could, probably, keep this up on the weekends. Eventually Ian would see the human’s face and he may put two and two together, until then he could keep this up. He’d only come back until he was positive Ian wasn’t being reckless, if he went a week without seeing him then ‘Mik’ would come to say goodbye. It would work fine and then Ian wouldn’t have to deal with everything that’s happened alone.

“Can I go with you?” Ian asked, it knocked Mikhail from his thoughts. Mikhail looked at him with a sad smile shaking his head. “Why not? You said I was doing well. I can get used to being an outdoors borrower. Or, or just a traveling one or whatever. Please?”

“It’s too dangerous. Maybe when you’ve improved more. I don’t want you taking risks you don’t have to. I was told the same thing by the person who taught me everything,” Mikhail explained, he knew he couldn’t just abandon him. “I can try to come back though. I help keep some others connected, but I’ll come back, I promise.”

Ian grabbed him tight into a hug, the promise barely keeping him together. Mikhail knew it was a dumb idea, but he couldn’t do it. He’d promised himself not to get involved with borrowers again after the last time, but he never expected to find a kid who had no one. Once Ian could take care of himself he’d tell him the truth and then deal with the consequences. For now he’d help him stay safe. Ian fell asleep holding Mikhail in a tight hug. He knew he shouldn’t stay like this, but it was nice to be with someone else. After a few hours he knew he had to leave. It was Monday so he had to be a human again and go to work.

He slipped out of Ian’s grasp, careful not to wake him. Quietly he grabbed the hook that they’d fashioned out of some threads and a paper clip, leaving Ian the one that he’d brought. He snuck through the walls until reaching an entrance that he’d leave open just enough to come in through again. Once out of the walls he focused on shifting back to his human size, the world slowly matching him again. He quickly made his way to the front door, keeping an eye out for anyone awake right now. He snuck in quietly, trying to avoid being loud enough to wake Ian up. He collapsed on his bed, turning his phone on with an alarm set for the class that started in a few hours.

[the-bau-quinjet]

Memories, Pt. I

Summary: You were captured by Hydra. What did they do to your memories?

Warnings: mentions of violence,

Word Count: 1052

a/n: Ahh! This is definitely about to be a series... It might be kind of confusing, but hopefully it all makes sense by the end! This is more of an introductory chapter, so it's a bit shorter than the rest. I have about 3 more chapters planned, I just have to write them!

Materlist

Series Masterlist

3 months ago

"Bucky, I'll be fine. It's a simple mission. Just surveillance!" You do your best to reassure your boyfriend before you leave.

"I know, I know. I'm going to worry about you regardless." He whispers, pulling you in for a lingering hug. "Come back to me, okay?"

"I promise. I love you" You give him a quick kiss before moving back to board the quinjet. He calls out his response just as the doors begin to close.

"I love you too!"

Present

"Y/N!" Your head pops up at the sound of your name, but it's hard to focus on the person in front of you.

"Y/N, oh thank god. Stay with me, we're gonna get you out of here." Strong hands break you out of your restraints before they lift you, carrying you out of the room bridal style.

The person carrying you runs through the halls of the facility you've been kept in, twisting and turning as though they have the layout memorized.

Before long, you're being placed on a row of seats on a jet, watching out the window as the ground fades from view.

"Y/N, can you hear me?" The same voice asks, causing you to turn your head. Even the slight movement causes pain to burn through your aching muscles, showing through a wince on your face.

You squint your eyes, observing the chestnut brown hair and piercing blue eyes of the person kneeling in front of you. You recognize them, you know you do, but it feels like your memories are drifting away.

You whisper, "Who are you?" Just before blacking out.

-

"Buck, you've got to sleep too ya know." Steve sighed, frustrated but understanding his friend's actions.

"I have been. I can't leave until she wakes up. I won't." His eyes fill with unshed tears, a painful mixture of worry and fear coursing through him.

It's been 2 days since Nat, Steve, Bucky, and Sam rescued you from that Hydra facility and you had yet to wake up.

"Steve, what if... what if she doesn't remember me?" Bucky whispers, afraid that saying it too loud will make it come true.

"She was probably just confused. She was there for three months-" Steve winced, knowing how long you were captured is a sore subject for Bucky.

Guilt overtook Bucky's features as he looked at you in the hospital bed. Just as Bucky opened his mouth to respond, you groaned.

"Aagh, I feel like I got hit by a truck. Like, a big truck. The kind with a lot of wheels." You mumbled to yourself, unaware of others in the room.

The two super soldiers were at your side in seconds, startling you when you finally opened your eyes. You looked between the two men, slowly remembering who they were.

"Bucky... Steve..." You nodded to yourself, almost reassuring your own memories of them. "What happened?"

Bucky gingerly grabbed your hand, immeasurable relief flooding through him. His other hand brushed your hair out of your face, softly rubbing your cheek.

If you had been more awake, the action would have confused you, but still slightly out of it from the meds it felt soothing.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Steve questioned, ignoring Bucky's glare.

"She needs to rest!" He whisper shouted, as if you couldn't hear him.

"Buck, you know as well as I do that we have to figure out what went so wrong." Steve argued right back, both missing the confusion growing on your face.

You steadily schooled your expression when they turned back to you, pretending to understand what was going on.

"Y/N, just answer a few questions and then you can rest. We can finish the rest when you're feeling better." Steve resigned himself to only completing the bare minimum, wanting to avoid Bucky's wrath.

You nodded, still wildy unsure of the circumstances that lead you here. Why would Earth's mightiest heroes break you out of prison?

"Alright, what's the last thing you remember happening on the mission?" Steve questioned, a softness in his tone you were unaccustomed to.

"Um, the mission..." You couldn't even begin to understand what he meant. You tried your best to play along. "I don't... I don't know. I just remember waking up in that cell- that room." You quickly corrected yourself.

If they didn't know about your criminal history, you would do your best to keep it from them.

"You don't remember anything?" Steve's expression grew even more concerned as you shook your head. "Leaving here?"

Again you shook your head.

"But you know who we are?" Bucky added, now holding your hand with both of his.

"I do. Captain Steve Rogers and Sergeant James Barnes, part of the Avengers." You were finally confident in your answer.

"Good, and you know who you are?" Steve questioned, confused by your use of titles.

"Y/N L/N..." You trailed off, not sure what else you should reveal.

"Also an Avenger...." Steve added, trying to coax more information out of you.

It took every bit of concentration in you to keep your expression from betraying the shock you felt at hearing Captain America himself say that.

Instead, you nodded along. "Right, I was on a mission, and it went wrong." You vaguely filled in the gaps, pretending to remember something.

"Alright, I'll let you rest. Hopefully, you'll remember more when you wake up." Steve gave you a slight grin before exiting the med bay.

To your surprise, Bucky stayed.

Even more surprising, he leaned in to peck your lips, softly brushing a hand through your hair. "Get some rest, Doll. I'll be here when you wake up."

You gave him a slightly strained smile before closing your eyes and pretending to sleep. Really though, your thoughts were swimming.

The last three months looked a lot different to you than it did to your teammates.

While every Avenger was working day and night for a lead on your location, you were held captive by Hydra. Everyday was spent shuffling between your cell and a lab. You were beaten for information, and when that didn't work they settled on Plan B: altering your memories.

In your mind, you weren't held captive in a Hydra facility for three months.

You were in prison for killing 38 people.

permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman

[cloud9in]

Promises (Poppy x MC) Part (2/?)

Read Part ONE (summary for fic is there)

ITS BEEN A MINUTE. @iamsimpforpoppy I hope you’re still around to read :P I love this story lol. Hope you guys do too!!!

Word Count (2.8k)

Bea and Poppy’s relationship became official a month after their initial meeting. One would say they moved quickly, too quickly. But every love story is different. This one in particular seemed to have little to none flaws, if you ignored the fact that Bea was promoted to Carter’s right hand woman in the Southside Spades.

 They did end up having that conversation after all.

 “…Are you sure Carter? I mean this is a huge deal and a special role-“

 “If I didn’t think you were capable you wouldn’t be here right now Goldilocks.”

 Carter winked and clinked his half empty beer bottle against Bea’s, who surprisingly had a nearly full bottle. He took note of the abnormality. 

 The blonde instinctively rolled her eyes at the nickname, “Okay but that name has to go. We need codenames……ooooh how about bimbo and himbo.” 

 “I’m guessing…..no, hoping I’m the himbo?!” Carter comments as he promptly tries to stop the laugh escaping from his lips.

 “Mmmmmmm, I’ll get back to you on that.”

 They share a laugh and Bea feels Carter’s gaze latch onto her in her peripherals. She could sense the shift of energy in the space between them, it almost felt uncomfortable, and that was something she never felt with Carter. “I never asked you if you were okay with such a role. If you aren't, I understand completely, I just want the best for you.”

 The blonde eyes soften at his comment and she looks at him, “never doubted that, where is this going though because you never express your feelings like a normal human being.”

 He pulls on the strings of her hoodie until it completely caves around her face, burying her whole.

 “Hey asshole!” 

 “That’s for talking too much.”

 Bea yanks her hoodie open and sticks her tongue out in a mock expression. “Oh boohoo. Poppy literally says the same thing, I don’t get it. I talk, it’s a problem. I don’t talk, it’s an even BIGGER problem. Damn a girl can’t ever exist in peace.”

 Carter places his bottle flat on the table and studies the blonde’s face. 

 She kept rambling on about her new girlfriend and the gang leader didn’t know it was possible to feel happy yet anxious at the same time. He was aware of when they entered the talking stage, went on their first date, and finally became official, because Bea told him everything. As much as the experience of being in a real relationship was new to her, Bea looked up to him and somehow she knew Carter would give her the best guidance possible. 

 It didn’t stop him from worrying. Like an older brother would. He feared the two would mix, and everyone knows that love and crime will eventually combust. He is no stranger to it.  

 “Bea.”

 “Did you know she stole one of my hoodies and actually won’t give it back?? What am I supposed to do, just take it? No she’d murder me.”

 “Jackson.”

 Her voice slowly dies down after sensing the seriousness in his tone. She takes a sip of her beer to ease the silence that sat in the air, and Carter responds shortly after.

 “You know I trust you with my life right? You’re very important to me, kid.” 

 “I know.”

 Guilt was a feeling he chose to lock away in an unbreakable box and bury six feet deep. There couldn’t be guilt in a lifestyle like this. But Bea was his only exception. And she was slowly bringing that box back up to the surface. 

 “I need you to promise me that you won’t let these two worlds collide.”

 “Carter….”

 “One of you will get hurt. And I won’t forgive myself if it’s you.”

 He leaves Bea at the table, the remnants of his comment still replaying in her head. She pulls out her phone and sees a text from Poppy on her lockscreen. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Can’t wait to see you tomorrow 😘 

 The blonde smiles unconsciously and opens the message to respond.

 I’m missing you like crazy. I have a special surprise for you.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- You know I highly dislike surprises, just tell me. 

 And ruin the surprise? You must be crazier than I thought. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Jackson.

 Patience babe…tomorrow it is. 

 Bea clicks her phone shut and slips it back into her pocket before downing the rest of the beer. 

***

“You know your hand on my ass only makes them stare even more Jackson?”

 Bea bites her lips and gropes the blonde’s plump backside shamelessly while slowly whispering into her ear.

 “That’s the point, princess.”

 Poppy shivers almost instantly at the boldness. “Is this the surprise you were talking about?” Bea doesn’t answer, instead trailing her hand up Poppy’s skirt. This was definitely not the time and place for such behavior but she was clearly still learning everything about her girlfriend. 

 And it definitely felt good to call her that.

 “Since when did you get so brazen? You know you’re exactly the type of person my daddy told me to stay away from.”

 Bea laughs at that statement and wraps her arm around the blonde’s waist, “yeah? And why’s that?”

 “Well I can’t ask him now, he might rough you up and that’s my job.” 

 Poppy could feel the stares of everyone burning into them, but she could only focus on the blonde cuddled up against her. The shorter girl wouldn’t call herself an attention whore, but she sure loved the PDA that Bea projected without a care. It felt nice to be genuinely admired in public rather than putting on a mask everyday. 

 But it’s safe to say that Poppy preferred all the handsy stuff to happen in private. 

 “Do you want to grab dinner with me tonight Pops?”

 “Am I picking the place?”

 “…Yes.”

 “Then yes.”

 Bea rolls her eyes at the blonde’s downright shady self but smiles nevertheless. 

 “Now don’t cancel on me out of the blue. I will not be thrilled about it.”

 “Shouldn’t I be telling you this? Your dad always has something going on in his business that somehow has to involve you too.”

 Poppy sighs and glances over at Bea, “well you know I’ll have to take over eventually. Especially since I’m legally allowed to handle deals now.”

 “I hate that word. Legal. Ugh.” 

 The shorter girl scoffs and plants her hands on her hips, “yeah I bet you do.”

***

Bea dragged open her closet in search of clothes for dinner tonight but the dinging noise of a text distracts her. 

 C-Dog🖤- Need you tonight. Something came up, meet us at the garage.

Bea wanted to thank the gods up above that she didn’t promise Poppy that she’d show up for dinner. But that wasn’t going to save her from the fury of the blonde. Good thing it can’t get worse than that, right….?

Only it was. And Poppy will probably beat her up herself, if she wasn’t dead by the next day. 

Bea’s mind and heart races as she digs her brain for a proper excuse to tell her girlfriend, but is very unsuccessful. She’s good at drug dealing though. 

 Going with the good ole truth never really hurt right?

 Baby I’m so sorry I won’t be able to make it tonight. Got held up with the gang. I know I’m an asshole, I’ll keep in touch I swear. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- What else could I expect from my gang banger girlfriend 🙄 please stay safe..

 You know I always do.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Do I? We need to talk about this tomorrow.

 Of course Pops.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Call me every chance you get or I swear I’ll track you and trust me you do not want me to do that.

 Yeah she definitely doesn’t. Especially since Carter sounded frantic over the phone. The last thing Bea needed was a paranoid girlfriend, so she played it cool like always. 

 Just simple stuff baby girl, talk soon.

 ***

“…What do you mean it’s gone?! So where is it? Do you know what this means Carter??”

 The gang leader sighs frustratingly, rubbing his eyes in efforts to gain some stability. “The product was here, and now it is not. Which can only mean it was stolen. And when I find out which son of a bitch did it, they’re dead.”

 “In the meantime, we are dead”, Bea emphasizes wildly. “This is the Red Raven gang we’re talking about. If they get any inclination that we lost their drugs, they’ll kill and replace us. No mercy. None.”

The blonde paces back and forth trying not to think about buying a plane ticket to Timbuktu. 

Carter approaches Bea and plants his hands on her shoulder, “breathe Jackson. You are my partner. The leader of this gang. So get it out of your system and start being rational.”

 The blonde lets her shoulders sag as she inhales and exhales in place for a while. The minute she’s grounded she catches Carter’s gaze and her eyes light up. “List. I need a list of whoever went in the room with all of the product. We need to narrow it down.”

***

“Jackson you’re a fucking genius.”

 “It’s called having common sense but I’ll take the praise. It’s the only one I’m getting from you anyways.”

 Carter resisted the urge to pick a fight with the younger girl, because finding stolen drugs and not getting killed seemed like a much better idea. 

 Bea figured out that Henry, one of the newly recruited members of SS was a thief, or maybe just a crackhead. Same thing. He was the last to be in that room so all eyes were on him, and guns.

 “Heyyy buddy. Henry right?”

 The shorter man trembled at the sight of a gun lodged right into his mouth. “Mmmm!”

 “Oh I’m sorry, did you want to say something? Here let me just”, Bea clicks the gun which only causes the thief to panic even more. It was almost pitiful. 

 “Alright lay off the poor sucker.” 

 Bea pulls the gun out of his mouth and sits down on a stool in front of Henry with a grin. “So…where is the stash darling?” 

 He points almost immediately to a built in storage locker with a shaky finger. 

 “Ohhh well that was so easy Henry! Glad you could comply. You should tell your friends to be more like you. But…between me and you, they might already be dead”, Bea whispers that last part slowly, smirking when Henry’s lip quivers violently. 

 “Please just do it already! Why are you guys waiting?”

 Bea raised an eyebrow in surprise and glanced over at Carter who scanned the man’s face intensely. “I guess he wants to die? Talk about kinks I mean come on”

 “No.”

 Carter reaches his arm out towards Bea but never takes his eyes off Henry. The blonde watches in confusion until she realizes the thief is looking behind her, and so is Carter.

 “It’s a setup Bea, duck!”

 She dived for the ground quicker than lightning as a bullet flies through the air, leaving a trail of dust behind. Carter ducks for cover as well and starts firing rounds towards the men who snuck up on them. He managed to hit three of them but one grabs Bea by the leg and drags her against the rough concrete. 

 “Son of a- get your dirty hands off of my Dr. Martens. My girlfriend bought me these!”

 A swift kick to the face shut the blonde up real quick but she manages to recoil and send the man sprawling backwards into a row of barrels. 

 Carter guns him down and Bea finds her footing, pistol in hand and a thirst for revenge. But they never stopped coming. 

 Her and Carter were left battered and bruised, but alive. Their product was gone again though. But atleast they were alive. Carter told her that it was a theft mission primarily and neither of them were meant to die. But it only made Bea wonder who those people were.

 And why were they kept alive?

***

“Beatriz Naomi Jackson what the actual fuck?!”

 “Oh not the middle name…”

 Bea tries to avoid Poppy’s killer gaze as she surveys the damage that had been done to her girlfriend’s torso, legs, and face. 

 The strawberry blonde could barely mutter a word. Her mouth opened and closed in brief shock before collapsing next to the injured girl. 

 Bea could see the tears flowing down her rosy cheeks, which contrasted her porcelain skin. “Poppy…are you crying? I..please don’t..”

 “What do you expect me to do Bea? It kills me to see you hurt like this. Who did it? Tell me!” The blonde chokes on her own words as her hands hovers cautiously over Bea’s wounds, afraid to make her feel pain.

 “No I can’t tell you. I mean…I didn’t expect this to happen. It was a setup and we were outnumbered-“

 “We need to get you to a hospital Bea oh my god.”

 The blonde knew that she couldn’t go there. Not with the cops on the scene of the shootout, and actively looking for the people involved. Aka her and Carter. He told her to lay low and heal up, but she didn’t expect Poppy to be sitting on her bed waiting for her when she got home. The initial look on her face made Bea regret ever choosing this life. 

 She regrets it ever since being with Poppy. But it’s like a drug, once you start it’s hard to stop. 

 “I’ll call my father, he has the best doctors available and we’re gonna get your the right treatment and-“ 

 Poppy immediately cuts off, her eyebrows scrunching up until she realizes something. “Wait…what do you mean you were outnumbered Bea?” 

 Bea swallows heavily, praying that this conversation couldn’t escalate further, but that isn’t the case. 

 “Bea, answer me”

 “It..it was just me and Carter. We didn’t think there would be an ambush. We had just gone there to get goods we lost.”

 “And where is Carter? Does he know you’re like this right now? Did he leave you, I swear to god Bea if he left you…” Poppy’s voice cracks as her whole body shivers in violent waves. 

 Bea pulls her girlfriend in for a hug even though it causes every inch of her body to sting harshly. It was the comfort that she needed though. Watching Poppy breakdown over the sight of her was too much, and she began to contemplate everything. 

 “Pops listen to me, I cannot go to the hospital right now. There are cops looking for us.” The strawberry blonde stares at her until she understands the velocity of Bea’s words. 

 “Fine. But there will be a doctor that will come to treat you at my house. And you’re coming, I don’t want to hear it.” 

 Bea knew not to protest that. It was quite obvious this whole incident has left both parties distraught and she didn’t want to try and tell Poppy how to feel. 

 “Just tell me something. Are you in immediate danger? Is someone trying to harm you right now.”

 The blonde chose her words carefully. Because even after coming home beaten to a pulp, she still couldn’t tell the love of her life the full truth. 

 “No Poppy, they just wanted the drugs. They got what they wanted. I’m not in danger.”

 For now.

 “I will be okay.”

 I hope.

 “Don’t lie to me Jackson. I can’t do this if you lie. You promised me you wouldn’t get to the point where you’d have to choose between me and the gang.”

 “I know Poppy…I-“

 “You promised.”

 “And I’m going to keep that promise-“

 “Yeah the hell you are. And you’re going to promise me that you won’t ever come home like this again. You’re going to get yourself killed before we even start our life together. Our future.”

 Bea sucks in a breath which punctures her chest. She couldn’t tell if the injuries or Poppy’s words had caused that terrible ache. “Our…Wait I..”

 “I love you Jackson. I…don’t care if you think it’s too early to say that. I don’t care if I sound too cheesy for a mean girl. I love kissing you and feeling the laughter run through your body when we hug. I love being the reason you smile. I love you. And you don’t have to say it back. I just..I needed you to know-“

 “I love you too. Probably maybe from the moment I met you.”

 Poppy’s eyes seemed to glisten once again and this time there was no sadness etched into the shape. She smiled a pure smile and wrapped her arms around Bea in a tight hug. 

 She captures her lips in a searing kiss that leads to a trail of kisses down the strawberry blonde’s neck, dip of her collarbone, and chest. Bea kisses her until her chest gives out from exhaustion and pain.

 “Then you have to promise that this won’t happen again.” 

 “I promise.”

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NOTES: They’re gonna be fineeeee, right guys??? Graduation next chapter woooo.

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme  @baexpoppy @poppysmc @doey-eyes8 @veenast @straightlikewetspaghetti @phoennixxsblog