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ruewrote · 19 days ago

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𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛𝑡 𝑠𝑎𝑦.

PAIRING: josh washington x actress!reader WARNINGS: no use of y/n GENRE: angst / fluff SONG INSPIRATION: i love you, im sorry by gracie abrams WORD COUNT: 9.7k REQUESTED: yes NOTE: does this make up for me being gone?

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you had been waiting anxiously for a callback for the big film you’d auditioned for.

it was the kind of audition you left feeling half giddy, half sick to your stomach, replaying every line in your head like you were your own worst critic. was it good enough? did they notice the slight crack in your voice during the emotional scene? and why did you nervously laugh when they said, “thank you for coming in”?

every message and call since had you hurtling towards your phone. it was becoming a bit ridiculous, really. the first couple of days, it was exciting. you’d get a text notification and scramble to check it, only to be greeted by spam.

you’d sigh, deleting it quickly, before going back to refreshing your email.

this was a recurring thing, it was starting to piss you off.

the moment your phone buzzed, you almost tripped over your own feet to grab it. but there it was: the dreaded unknown number you’d seen three times today. you stared at the screen, feeling your heart deflate. “i don’t want to renew my car’s extended warranty!” you groaned into your pillow.

by day four, you were convinced your phone was mocking you. it sat there, silent, while you tried to distract yourself with literally anything. you started scrolling through social media, but every post was about someone else’s big break, and you found yourself glaring at your screen.

“oh, of course, you booked a role,” you muttered, jealously eyeing a friend’s celebratory post about a commercial gig. “good for you, toothpaste ad girl.”

you even tried taking a walk, thinking the universe might be kinder if you weren’t obsessing over it. the park definitely slowed your mind as you watched the ducks, glancing over to the family happily laughing about anything and everything.

it’s crazy the difference in your lives, but even though you didn’t know them, you wished for them to keep their happiness even with how you were feeling right now.

by the end of the week, you were practically glued to your phone, sitting at the edge of your couch. you’d made yourself a cup of tea to calm your nerves, but it had gone cold hours ago, untouched.

and then it happened.

your phone lit up, and this time, it wasn’t your mom or a scam call or a text about household essentials. it was your manager’s number flashing on the screen. you grabbed the phone, nearly dropping it in your haste.

“hello?!” you answered, a little too loudly. you winced, immediately trying to play it cool. “oh, i mean, hey! what’s up?”

there was a pause on the other end, the kind that had you holding your breath. then your manager’s voice crackled through, sounding oddly chipper.

“guess who just booked the role?”

you let out a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a squeak. “are you serious?! i got it?!”

“you got it!” your manager confirmed, laughing. “they loved your audition. said you brought a lot of… unique energy to the role.”

you frowned for a split second. unique energy? what did that even mean? but you didn’t have time to dwell on it because the excitement bubbling up inside you was too overwhelming. you started pacing back and forth, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

“oh my god, oh my god!” you shouted, completely losing any semblance of chill. “this is huge! this is– wait, you’re not messing with me, right? because if this is a prank, i swear i will–”

“relax,” your manager interrupted, sounding amused. “i promise, it’s the real deal. bob washington’s production company called me directly. they want you on set next week.”

“bob washington?” you echoed, your eyes widening. “like… the bob washington? he’s producing it?”

your heart was thudding harshly in your chest. you nearly dropped the phone, switching it to your other hand as you ran a nervous hand through your hair. bob washington. legendary producer, hollywood royalty, and a man known for creating some of the most iconic films of the last decade.

“yup,” your manager confirmed, clearly revelling in your reaction. “they’re calling it his biggest project in years. high budget, a-list cast, the works. they wanted someone fresh and dynamic for your role, and, well... you knocked it out of the park.”

“oh my god,” you breathed out, sinking onto your couch. your legs felt like jelly, and you were pretty sure your pulse was now audible. “i can’t believe this is happening. i can’t– this is insane!”

“i know, right?” your manager agreed, sounding almost as excited as you. “this is the kind of project that could change everything for you. it’s going to be intense, but it’s exactly the opportunity you’ve been waiting for.”

you could hardly sit still, feeling like you might burst out of your skin from the rush of adrenaline. “okay, so… what happens next? do i need to do anything? when do i start?”

“calm down,” your manager laughed. “i’ll send over all the paperwork today, and you’ll need to sign off on it. but you’re officially set to start next week. first day is monday. they want you on set early for wardrobe and a quick read through.”

“monday?” you echoed, eyes widening. “that’s in, like, three days!”

“yup,” they replied casually. “showbiz waits for no one, especially when bob washington is at the helm. so take the weekend to get your head straight and be ready. oh, and maybe do some research on the other cast members. you’re going to be working with some big names.”

you nodded, even though they couldn’t see you, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. “okay. okay, i can do this.”

“that’s the spirit,” your manager said, their tone turning a bit softer. “this is your big break. you’ve earned it. go get ready to blow everyone away.”

“thank you,” you managed to say, voice thick with emotion. “seriously. for everything.”

“don’t thank me yet,” your manager teased. “save it for after you’ve made it through the first week without fainting.”

you hung up, staring at your phone in disbelief. for a moment, you just sat there, letting the reality of it all sink in. you’d gotten the call. the role you’d dreamed of was yours and in a few short days, you’d be stepping onto a set unlike any you’d been on before.

your first day on set was a whirlwind, and calling it crazy would be a massive understatement.

you were beyond nervous, practically buzzing with a mix of excitement and fear. you’d changed your outfit at least five times that morning, scrutinising every detail as if your career depended on whether your shirt said “professional” or “i have no idea what i’m doing.” by the time you arrived, you were convinced they could see the nerves shaking through you.

but all your worries melted away the moment you stepped onto the lot. instead of the cold, judgmental stares you’d been bracing for, you were met with warm smiles and friendly greetings. the crew bustled around you, nodding and waving, making you feel like you were already part of the family. it was as if everyone had collectively decided that you belonged here, no questions asked.

“hey, you must be the new star!” a woman in a headset called out, grinning as she approached. “i’m sara, assistant director. welcome to the madness!”

you laughed, the tension easing just a bit. “that obvious, huh?”

“well, we did hear about you,” she replied with a wink. “bob’s been talking you up since the casting decision. he’s really excited about you joining the team.”

your stomach fluttered at the mention of bob washington. it felt surreal, knowing that a man of his status had taken notice of you. “i’m just hoping i don’t mess it up,” you admitted, trying to keep your smile steady.

“you won’t,” she said simply, squeezing your shoulder. “c’mon, let’s get you over to wardrobe. they want to do a final fitting before we start blocking your first scene.”

you nodded, following her through the maze of trailers and equipment. as you walked, you couldn’t help but take it all in. the towering sets, the clamour of voices, the scent of fresh coffee and sawdust hanging in the air. it felt like stepping into another world, one you’d only ever dreamed of being part of.

wardrobe was a flurry of fabric and pins, the team immediately setting upon you with expert hands, adjusting and perfecting your look. they chatted as they worked, making you laugh with their behind the scenes stories and gossip about past productions.

it was impossible not to feel at ease around them, and by the time they were done, you felt like you’d already made a few new friends.

stepping out of the trailer in your costume with a newfound confidence. taking a breath before meeting up with sara.

“looking good,” sara called over, giving you a thumbs-up. “ready for your first scene?”

you took a deep breath, the nerves settling into something steadier, like anticipation. “ready as i’ll ever be.”

“great! we’ll do a quick run through on set, and then we’ll start filming.”

you followed her to the soundstage, where the set was already in full swing. cameras were being adjusted, lights were positioned just so, and the director was deep in conversation with the cinematographer. the air buzzed with energy, and for a moment, you felt like a small cog in a very big machine.

but then bob washington himself appeared, striding across the set with purpose. he looked exactly as you’d imagined. a tall, silver-haired man with an aura of calm confidence, like he knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it.

he spotted you instantly, breaking into a broad smile as he approached. “there she is!” he said warmly, extending a hand. “our newest star. i’m so glad you could join us.”

you shook his hand, hoping he couldn’t feel the slight tremble in your fingers. “thank you, mr. washington. this is… incredible. i’m really honoured to be here.”

“please, call me bob,” he insisted, waving away the formality. “and the honour is ours. i’ve got a good feeling about you, you’re exactly what this film needs.”

the praise made your cheeks heat up, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “i’ll do my best to live up to it.”

“i know you will,” he said confidently. “now, let’s get you into position. i want you to feel comfortable, so if you need anything, just let us know..”

as bob walked away to speak with the director, you took your place in front of the camera for the first time. the lights were hot, the crew was watching, and the nerves threatened to bubble up again. but then you remembered the way everyone had welcomed you, the genuine smiles, and bob’s encouraging words. you took a deep breath and rolled your shoulders back, settling into the moment.

“all right, everyone, quiet on set!” the director called out. “we’re ready for the first take.”

the set fell silent, and you felt the weight of it, the anticipation hanging in the air. you were about to speak your first line, to step into this role that you’d fought so hard for.

and for the first time all day, you didn’t feel nervous. you felt ready.

“action!” the director shouted.

it was the second week of filming when you first met josh. he strolled onto set with his dad, cutting through the chaos of cameras and crew with an easy confidence, like he’d done this a million times before. you hadn’t known what to expect, you’d heard people whisper. the washington name came with a lot of preconceived notions, but when he flashed that wide, boyish grin at you, all your assumptions melted away.

josh was nothing but lovely from the start. he introduced himself with a playful smirk and a handshake that lingered just a moment longer than necessary. “and you are?” he asked, his eyes bright with curiosity, like he already knew your name but wanted to hear you say it.

you gave it, trying to keep your own smile polite and professional, but it was hard not to be charmed by the way he looked at you. “nice to meet you, josh.”

“trust me,” he replied, leaning in slightly, voice dropping to a low whisper, “the pleasure’s all mine.”

from that moment on, josh was a regular presence on set, always finding his way over to where you were between takes. he’d crack jokes, compliment your performance, and offer you his hoodie whenever the chilly air left you shivering.

it wasn’t exactly a secret that he liked you. it was there in the way he lit up when you entered a room, the way he leaned closer when he talked to you. he was flirty, sure, but never in a sleazy way. it was sweet, almost shy at times, like he couldn’t quite believe his luck that you just might be interested in him too.

one afternoon, you found yourself sitting together at the edge of the set, the sun dipping low behind the trees. most of the crew had wrapped for the day, the noise dying down to a soft murmur as everyone packed up. josh sat close enough that your knees were almost touching, a faint smirk on his lips as he handed you a coffee he’d picked up from the food truck.

“figured you might need a pick me up,” he said, eyes glinting with amusement. “you looked like you were about to fall asleep standing up during that last scene.”

you laughed, taking the cup from him gratefully. “wow, so i’m that obvious, huh?”

“only to someone who’s paying attention,” he teased, nudging your shoulder with his. he took a sip of his own drink, then glanced sideways at you, his expression softening. “you’ve been killing it, by the way. i know everyones been super impressed.”

you felt a blush rise to your cheeks, caught off guard by the compliment. “thanks, josh. that means a lot.”

he was quiet for a moment, watching you with a soft look in eyes. “you know,” he said slowly, like he was testing the waters, “i’ve never really seen someone fit in so quickly. it’s like you’ve been a part of this cast forever.”

“i could say the same about you,” you replied, raising an eyebrow. “you’ve practically become one of us, and you’re not even in the movie.”

he chuckled, the sound low and warm. “yeah, well, maybe i just like hanging around you.”

there it was. that flirty charm that made your pulse quicken every time. you tried to play it cool, leaning back and giving him a teasing smile. “is that so?”

josh’s grin widened, but then he looked down, almost sheepish. “yeah,” he admitted softly, and for once, he didn’t sound like he was trying to impress you. it was just honest. “you’re different, you know? in a good way.”

you opened your mouth to respond, but before you could say anything, a loud voice called out from across the set. “josh! we need you over here for a second!”

he sighed, rolling his eyes but standing up anyway. “duty calls,” he said, but before he walked away, he turned back to you, taking a small step closer. “let’s hang out after this. just us,” he suggested, his tone hopeful.

you couldn’t help but smile. “yeah,” you agreed, feeling a jolt of excitement you hadn’t felt in a long time. “i’d like that.”

josh’s smile was all teeth as he jogged off, giving you a quick wave before disappearing into the crowd. you watched him go. it was impossible not to feel something for him, the way he made you feel seen, special. you couldn’t help but wonder if he felt it too, or if it was just his natural charm.

by the time shooting was nearing its end, you’d formed the softest spot for josh. it wasn’t just the way he made you laugh or how he seemed to know exactly what to say to put you at ease.

it was the little routines you’d fallen into together, the kind that made it hard to imagine your days without him.

every morning, without fail, josh would show up at your trailer with your favourite drink in hand. he’d knock once and then let himself in with a bright, teasing grin. “good morning, beautiful,”

it didn’t matter how tired you were or how early the call time was. he'd always bring a bit of sunshine with him, and you’d find yourself smiling back even on your worst days.

it started with his playful affection. at first, his hands would land on your shoulders as a joke, squeezing them dramatically like he was an over the top masseuse. “rough night?” he’d ask with a wink, his fingers digging into the knots from the long hours on set.

but as the weeks went by, those joking massages turned into something more real. he’d work out the tension in your neck and back while the makeup artists did their work, his touch firm but gentle, the kind of attention that made you melt.

“careful, you’re going to put me out of a job,” one of the makeup artists would joke, glancing between the two of you with a knowing smile.

josh would just chuckle, his hands lingering a bit longer than necessary before he’d sigh dramatically when it was time for them to move on to your hair. “fine, fine,” he’d say, stepping back like he was truly reluctant to let you go. but then he’d slide into the chair beside you, threading his fingers through yours without a second thought, as if holding your hand was the most natural thing in the world.

he’d sit there contentedly, scrolling through his phone with his free hand, occasionally showing you a funny meme or a video he thought you’d like. he always had that wide smile on his lips, the kind that made it clear just how happy he was to be there with you. it was a kind of peace, a quiet connection that neither of you had to put into words.

you knew people noticed, and you didn’t mind. it was hard not to smile at the way he looked at you. the playful flirting had given way to something tender, something that felt a lot like the start of a relationship neither of you had fully acknowledged yet.

as your makeup artist stepped back and declared you camera ready, josh gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “you look amazing,” he said quietly, his voice low and sincere, all the teasing gone from his tone.

you turned to him, meeting his eyes. “thanks, josh,”

“i couldn’t have done it without my personal masseuse.”

he laughed, leaning closer so no one else could hear. “anytime,” he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. “but, you know, you don’t have to wait until we’re on set for this kind of attention. we could... make it a regular thing.”

your eyes flicked up to meet his, and you saw it there. the unspoken question, the hope he was trying to play off as casual. you bit your lip to hide your smile, giving his hand one last squeeze before letting go.

“yeah,” you said softly, feeling the warmth bloom in your chest. “i’d like that.”

the last weeks of filming flew by in a blur, each day bleeding into the next. if you weren’t on set, you were out grabbing late night drinks and dinners with the cast or rehearsing lines together. it felt like you were constantly moving, your days filled with laughter. just pure fun with all your new friends..

well, most of them, anyway.

then there was olivia.

no matter how friendly you tried to be, it was like talking to a mirror. everything bounced back at you with a reflection of fake smiles and hollow laughter. she was sweet and bubbly when others were around, playing the role of best friend like it was written into her script. but the second you were alone, her expression would shift. like she couldn’t drop the mask fast enough.

you were in the middle of reapplying your lip gloss in the bathroom when the door swung open with a bang. olivia stormed in, her heels clicking sharply against the tile. she came to a stop beside you at the sink, her gaze briefly meeting yours in the mirror before she looked away, pulling out her compact and patted at her makeup.

for a moment, there was nothing but the sound of her rummaging through her purse and the muted thump of music coming from outside. you kept your focus on your own reflection, but you could feel her presence next to you, heavy and expectant, like she was waiting for something.

finally, jessica let out a huff, a tight, forced laugh that seemed to come out of nowhere. “you know,” she said, her tone as sugary as ever but dripping with something darker, “it’s funny.”

“what is?” you asked, capping your lip gloss and glancing over at her.

she leaned in closer, the smile on her lips so thin it looked painful. “how everyone is obsessed with you.” her voice was sharp, each word pointed like the edge of a knife. “it’s almost impressive, the way you’ve got them all wrapped around your finger. i mean, what’s your secret?”

you blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in her tone. “olivia, i’m not–”

“oh, spare me,” she snapped, dropping the sweet act entirely. her eyes narrowed, the fake friendliness dissolving. “don’t play innocent. you know exactly what you’re doing.”

a frown tugged at your lips, confusion mixing with a flicker of irritation. “i’m just here to do my job,” you said, trying to keep your voice even. “if i’ve upset you somehow–”

“upset me?” jessica cut you off with a dry laugh, tilting her head like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “god, you really think you’re above it all, don’t you? just because everyone likes you right now doesn’t mean they always will.”

you took a step back, feeling the heat of her words. there it was. the real olivia, finally showing through the cracks of her perfect persona. “i’m not trying to compete with you, liv,” you said quietly. “we’re supposed to be a team.”

she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “oh, please. we both know this industry isn’t about teams. it’s about who shines the brightest. and right now, that’s you.” she snapped her compact shut and shoved it back into her bag with a sharp motion. “but don’t get too comfortable. you’re just the flavour of the month.”

you took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. it would’ve been easy to snap back, to throw her own words in her face, but you knew that was exactly what she wanted. instead, you offered her a small, tight smile. “if that’s how you feel, then i’m sorry.”

her eyes flicked up to yours, a flicker of surprise flashing across her face before she quickly masked it. it was almost like she hadn’t expected you to be so calm, like she’d been gearing up for a fight you weren’t going to give her.

“whatever,” she muttered, but her voice was sharper now, laced with something bitter. she turned on her heel, strutting towards the door with a slow, almost mocking glance back over her shoulder. “enjoy this little fling with josh while you can,” she added, her tone practically dripping with disdain.

her smirk widening as she continued, voice dripping with bitterness. “he’s just being nice to you. it’s what he does– flirts a little, makes you feel good about yourself. you’re not the first girl to fall for it, and you definitely won’t be the last.”

you swallowed hard, but the sting was already spreading through your chest. it felt like she’d reached right in and found the one spot where you weren’t sure of yourself, digging her nails in just to see how much it would hurt.

“i give it a few weeks before he moves on to someone else,” jessica added, her tone almost singing now, like she was savouring the taste of the words. “i’m sure he’ll find another little pet project soon enough.”

she turned and strutted out, the door slamming shut behind her, leaving you standing there in the echoing silence. you stared at your reflection in the mirror, your hands gripping the edge of the sink so tightly your knuckles turned white. you tried to shake it off, to tell yourself that she was just being petty, but her words had landed right where they were meant to.

you couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. maybe you weren’t special. maybe you were just another girl caught up in josh’s charm, another temporary distraction for him to play with before he got bored.

as you walked back out to rejoin the others, you felt the sliver of doubt she’d planted start to grow, worming its way deeper into your mind. you couldn’t shake it, her words playing on a loop, biting and bitter.

you’re not the first girl to fall for it, and you definitely won’t be the last.

you stepped onto set and josh looked up immediately, his grin spreading across his face as soon as he caught your eye. it was like the whole room disappeared for him, like you were the only person he wanted to see. for a split second, you felt the warmth of it wash over you, the easy comfort you’d come to crave.

and then that sliver of doubt dug deeper, twisting painfully. you frowned, forcing yourself to look away as you made your way to where you were supposed to be, brushing him off without a word. you could feel his gaze follow you, his smile faltering, slipping away like he couldn’t quite understand what had changed.

i give it a few weeks before he moves on to someone else.

olivia’s voice echoed in your mind, harsher now, louder. you clenched your jaw, eyes fixed on the ground as you took your mark. you didn’t dare look back at him, even as the silence stretched on and you knew he was still watching, trying to catch your eye.

you distanced yourself from him for the last few days of filming. it wasn’t something you planned, but every time you saw him, olivia’s words clawed their way back to the surface, sharp and jagged, cutting into whatever fragile hope you had left.

you started to lock your trailer door in the mornings, sitting in the too quiet space with your heart pounding in your chest. your stylist team exchanged concerned looks behind your back, their hands moving a little more gently through your hair, as if they could sense the storm you were holding in.

the pain gnawed at you, raw and relentless. how could you be so stupid? you thought. of course this was how it would end. he was josh washington, the son of a hollywood icon, used to getting whatever he wanted. he could have anyone, and you’d been foolish enough to think you were different. that you were something more than a temporary distraction.

you were angry, but mostly at yourself. angry for letting your guard down, for believing that the way he treated you meant something real. it hurt in a way you hadn’t expected, a dull ache that pulsed through your chest every time you saw him across the room.

and when you did see him, he looked just as lost. his usual bright smile had dimmed, replaced with a soft, uncertain look that he reserved only for you, like he didn’t quite know what he’d done wrong but was desperate to fix it. you tried to avoid his eyes, but it was impossible. they always found you, pleading silently for you to come back, to talk to him, to let him in.

but you couldn’t. not now. not when you were convinced it had all been a lie.

on the final day of shooting, you pulled away from your friends as they gathered for one last photo, your throat tight with the effort of holding back tears. you forced yourself to look up, and there he was, standing across the room, watching you. the look on his face broke you a little more. a mixture of confusion, sadness, and something you couldn’t quite place, something that made you want to run to him and pull him close, even now.

he tried to give you a small, sad smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. it was like he was holding out an olive branch, unsure if you’d take it. your heart twisted painfully, the urge to just say screw it almost overwhelming.

you debated for a second, the weight of it all crashing down on you. then, you managed the briefest of smiles, a tiny, strained thing that faded almost as soon as it appeared. it was all you could give him. and when you turned to leave, there was a tug, a pull from you to him.

the door closed behind you, and you didn’t look back.

a year passed, and life moved on. at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. you stayed in touch with the friends you’d made on set, the group chat still active. but it wasn’t the same, not without him.

you’d started to make a name for yourself in the industry, your social media blowing up when the announcement came that you’d be starring in a new film. the feedback was overwhelmingly positive, fans excited to see you. it should’ve felt like a triumph, something to celebrate, but every time you saw the comments or got a congratulatory message, there was a hollow ache you couldn’t shake.

you tried to fill the void with dates. new people, new places. but none of them went past the first dinner or drinks. you laughed and made small talk, but it always felt forced, like you were going through the motions. you kept telling yourself it was because you were busy, too focused on your career to make time for anything serious.

but that wasn’t the truth, and you knew it. you missed him. you missed josh. the way he’d made you feel, the way you clicked from the very first moment. it was something you’d never had before and hadn’t found since, and it haunted you more than you wanted to admit. you hated how you left things, but the thought of facing him, of looking him in the eyes and seeing what hurt you caused. it terrified you.

you sighed, leaning back in the vanity chair as your makeup artist lined your lips with whatever product she was using. it felt good to be back in the routine of it all. you closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into the comfortable rhythm of the brushes, the gentle hum of conversation around you.

your playlist played quietly in the background, filling the silence with a mix of your favourite songs. and then, it shifted to something different, a song that made your chest tighten painfully.

the one that used to play in his car, the one he’d sing along to, off-key and grinning as he’d turn up the volume just to make you laugh. you opened your eyes, staring at your reflection in the mirror.

the smile you’d been wearing slipped away, replaced by something softer, sadder. the makeup artist paused, noticing the change in your expression.

“you okay?” she asked gently, her hand hovering near your shoulder.

you forced a small, tight smile. “yeah,” you lied, your voice barely above a whisper. “i’m fine.”

but as the song played on, you realised just how untrue that was. you weren’t fine, and you hadn’t been since the moment you walked away from him.

there wasn’t time to dwell on it, not when the makeup artist was stepping back to admire her work, giving you a final nod of approval before you were whisked away to get dressed. you were guided behind a privacy screen where a small army of stylists and assistants waited with your gown.

it was a process, the kind that required several hands, gentle tugs and tucks, and lots of patience. you held your arms up as they shimmied the dress up your body, the fabric whispering against your skin as it slid into place. it was stunning. a custom made one, of course.

the bodice was sleek, hugging your curves in deep, midnight blue satin that seemed to shimmer under the light. it had a delicate sweetheart neckline, showing just the right amount of collarbone, and thin, elegant straps that wrapped around your shoulders.

as they adjusted the fit, you glanced down at the intricate beadwork that trailed from your waist, cascading into the full skirt like a waterfall of tiny, sparkling stars. the gown flowed out into a subtle train behind you, the kind that made you feel like you were gliding when you walked. it was a dress designed to make a statement, to turn heads and capture attention the second you stepped into the room.

but as they fluffed the layers and pinned a few final details, your mind drifted back to him. would he be there tonight? you hadn’t asked, too afraid of the answer. if he was there, would he even look at you? did he hate you now for leaving the way you did? and did you even want to see him, knowing it would bring back everything you’d tried so hard to bury?

the stylists stepped back, murmuring their approval, and you turned to face the mirror. for a moment, you barely recognized yourself. you looked beautiful, powerful even, like you belonged in the spotlight that was awaiting you.

you smoothed your hands over the satin fabric, taking a steadying breath. it was showtime. whatever happened tonight, whoever you might see, you needed to keep your head high.

“ready?” one of the assistants asked, offering you a bright smile as they held the door open.

you nodded, forcing a confident smile as you stepped out into the hall. “ready as i’ll ever be.”

but as you made your way to the venue, the sound of your own heartbeat seemed to drown out everything else, a constant, pounding reminder that no matter how you looked on the outside, you were far from ready.

the second your heels touched the pavement, you were met with an explosion of blinding lights. flashes erupted from every angle, the paparazzi swarming you, desperate for the next big story. voices overlapped in a chaotic frenzy:

“look here! over your shoulder! who are you wearing tonight?”

you forced a smile, dazzling but rehearsed, turning slightly to give them a better angle as you adjusted the skirt of your gown. the cameras loved it, loved you. you could almost hear the clicks getting faster, the flashes coming quicker, and you knew by the looks on their faces that the photos would be everywhere tomorrow.

but your eyes weren’t on them; they were searching the crowd, scanning the sea of faces. you caught sight of your castmates just inside the venue, a familiar group gathered together in the warm light, posing for photos of their own. you watched as they laughed, their smiles wide and genuine. for a moment, you felt a pang of longing, you missed them, missed the easy camaraderie you’d once had.

you took a deep breath, lifting your chin a little higher as you made your way towards the entrance. the red carpet felt like it stretched on forever, every step heavy with the weight of anticipation. you could feel the eyes on you, not just from the photographers but from the crowd gathered behind the barriers. fans calling your name, reaching out with pens and posters. you waved, gave them that same bright smile, even as your stomach twisted into a knot.

you made your way over to the fans lined up along the barricade, the shouts of your name cutting through the noise. you couldn’t help but smile as you leaned in, reaching for the first outstretched poster.

“can you sign this?” a girl asked breathlessly, her eyes wide with excitement.

“of course,” you said warmly, scribbling your signature across the glossy paper before handing it back. you moved down the line, taking your time with each person, pausing to hold their hands and answer their rapid fire questions as best you could.

“what’s your favourite scene in the new movie?” someone yelled.

“can’t spoil it for you!” you teased, giving them a playful wink. “but you’ll love it, i promise.”

you paused when you saw a young teen, her cheeks wet with tears, clutching a phone case with your face on it. you knelt down a little, brushing a stray tear from her cheek with a gentle thumb.

“hey, you alright?” you asked softly, giving her a reassuring smile.

she nodded quickly, wiping her face with her sleeve. “i just… i can’t believe i’m meeting you.”

your heart melted a little at that. “well, i’m so glad you’re here,” you said sincerely. “you’re amazing. don’t forget that, okay?”

you hugged her quickly, the crowd erupting in cheers around you. when you pulled back, she was beaming, and it made the exhaustion you’d felt all day fade away. you moved on, taking selfies with everyone who asked, laughing and chatting. it was honestly one of the best parts of your night.

you took a deep breath, flashing one last smile at the crowd before stepping back. the fans waved and shouted their goodbyes, their faces lit up with joy, and you couldn’t help but feel the same joy in your own chest.

the red carpet felt endless beneath your feet, stretching out in front of you like a vivid trail leading you toward a thousand cameras, all flashing at once. it was chaos, but the good kind. the kind where you could almost feel the excitement buzzing in the air, like a collective anticipation.

the energy of the crowd was contagious, and you couldn’t help but smile, soaking in the moment as you made your way down the carpet, exchanging waves and greetings with familiar faces. it was all about the premiere, of course, but for you, it felt more like a reunion of sorts. a chance to reconnect with old friends and colleagues you hadn’t seen in a while.

you hadn’t gone more than a few steps when a voice broke through the noise.

“look at you! killing it out here!”

before you even had time to react, a warm hug pulled you in. ryan. a guy you’d worked with on a previous project, was grinning at you with that mischievous twinkle in his eyes. he stepped back to give you a once over, then mock pouted.

“you’re out here making me look like an amateur. you should’ve warned me.”

you chuckled, adjusting the hem of your dress as if it were the most dramatic thing in the world. “not true. you’re just not bringing enough sparkle to the table,” you teased, nudging him playfully with your elbow.

he raised an eyebrow, looking you up and down. “i’m just trying to keep up. but i gotta say– mission accomplished. you’re stealing the spotlight tonight.”

the photographer’s call broke through the banter, and with a flash of the cameras, you both struck a pose. you leaned in slightly, offering your best smiles as the clicking of the cameras. you could hear the photographer giving a quiet “perfect!” before they moved on to catch the next moment.

you gave him a quick wave and moved on, weaving through the throng of excited actors and industry folk, all basking in the glamour of the night. there was something intoxicating about it – the shared joy, the excitement, the way everyone seemed to be feeding off each other’s energy.

a few steps down, you spotted someone you didn’t know well but had met at industry events before. a woman whose laugh was as big as her personality. she waved as she caught sight of you, and before you could even offer a word of greeting, you were pulled into a warm, tight hug.

“is this your first premiere?” she asked, her voice bright with curiosity.

you smiled, shrugging a little. “no, but i’m still kinda freaking out. there’s just something about the flashing lights that makes me feel a little claustrophobic,” you admitted with a laugh.

she grinned, understanding exactly what you meant. “it’s like being in a fishbowl for a night, right? everyone’s looking at you, but you’ve got to own it. let’s have some fun with it!”

the cameras around you both clicked as you posed together, flashes going off so quickly you could hardly keep up. there was no rush, no pressure. just laughter and the easy chemistry that made you feel at home in the chaos. after a few more shots, you thanked her and kept moving.

the next few minutes blurred together, more poses with more familiar faces. a guy you’d met once at a party last year, a rising star in a rom com who was just starting to get their break through, a selfie with someone who had appeared in an indie film you adored.

it felt like an effortless stream of interactions, as if you were just hanging out with friends instead of being on a giant event.

but then, you noticed something. as you made your way down the carpet, the crowd around you seemed to dissipate. you didn’t know if it was your own sense of space or just the natural ebb of the event, but suddenly you found yourself alone. there was no one nearby, no familiar faces laughing or posing for pictures. just the sharp clicking of cameras and the hum of voices from the crowd.

the realisation hit you like a wave, and with it came the creeping tide of anxiety. your heart began to beat a little faster, the flashing lights growing brighter, the eyes of the photographers turning into an overwhelming pressure. it wasn’t just the cameras. it was the sheer number of people, all of them looking at you, all of them waiting for something, expecting something.

you tried to steady your breath, forcing yourself to smile through the nervous tightness that was starting to crawl up your chest. but it wasn’t working. the world seemed to be closing in, the noise around you getting louder, more suffocating.

and just when you felt like you might lose it, a hand settled firmly on your waist. before you could process what was happening, you were gently spun into someone.

your hands landed against the solid expanse of their chest, you looked up, you met josh’s eyes, his face soft with concern, a quiet understanding in his gaze.

"hey,” he said, his voice low, cutting through the madness. “you okay?”

the world slowed. his presence was the grounding force you needed, the anchor that pulled you back from the edge of panic. you inhaled deeply, feeling your heart rate slowly return to normal, the suffocating weight of the moment lifting.

“yeah...” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “i think i am now.”

you both turned back to the cameras, the bright flashes momentarily blinding you, but josh’s presence beside you grounded you. his hand, warm and firm around yours, tugged you gently, guiding you into a slow spin. the world around you seemed to slow as you turned, the cacophony of the red carpet fading into the background.

“isn’t she so beautiful, ladies and gents?” josh’s voice rang out, effortlessly confident, the words slipping out like a natural compliment, as though it was the simplest truth in the world.

all that was heard were cheers and whistles surrounding you.

you couldn’t help but laugh. a genuine, startled laugh, the kind that bubbled up from deep inside you. the sound echoed around you, and it felt like the air cleared for just a moment, like the weight of the night lifted. you stumbled slightly, your feet shifting against the plush carpet, and found yourself falling back against him.

his arms caught you instinctively, pulling you close. the warmth of his chest against your back, the steady pressure of his hand on your waist. you glanced up, meeting his gaze, and suddenly the world didn’t seem so big, it didn't feel so overwhelming.

but josh’s eyes, dark and intent, told you everything without a single word. there was something there. something unspoken, a silent intensity that left you breathless. it was in the way he looked at you, the way his lips quirked into a small, almost shy smile, and the way his thumb traced slow circles on your skin. his hand never left you, his touch steady, grounding you in the middle of the chaos.

you could feel the pull between you, magnetic, undeniable. the longing was palpable, the unspoken words that hovered between you both. it wasn’t just the physical closeness, the way your bodies fit together so naturally, or the way his hands held you with such ease. it was the way his eyes never strayed from yours, like he was trying to convey everything that words couldn’t.

in that moment, it was clear — everything you both needed was right here, in the quiet tension between a glance and a breath.

and for a fleeting second, you almost forgot about the cameras, the lights, the flashes. you almost forgot about everything and just stayed in that space, just the two of you, with the unsaid words hanging in the air.

it wasn’t long before you two made your way into the theater.

you followed josh inside. the world outside had momentarily faded away as the two of you found your seats, the lights dimming around you. the film was about to start, but there was no denying the tension between you.

as the opening credits rolled, you tried to focus on the screen, your own face staring back at you larger than life. it was surreal, seeing yourself up there, but despite the excitement, there was something else that kept drawing your attention away. josh.

you could feel his presence beside you, warm and steady. his leg brushed against yours, sending a small jolt through you. the whole theater could’ve been empty, and you still would’ve been hyper aware of him.

the movie played on, but you couldn't quite get lost in it. your heart raced, every subtle movement from josh had you second guessing your focus. his hand was now dangerously close to yours, just a few inches away. with every frame, your breath caught a little more, the anticipation mounting.

ever so slowly, josh’s fingers inched toward yours. you held your breath, hoping it wouldn’t be too obvious. but as he grazed the back of your hand, a little shiver ran through you. you turned your palm up ever so slightly, just enough for him to get the hint.

his fingers brushed against yours again, this time lingering for just a moment. your heart hammered in your chest, and you couldn't help the sly grin that tugged at the corner of your mouth. his eyes flicked over to you, a mischievous glint in them, before his hand fully settled in yours, fingers intertwining.

you both glanced at each other, and for a moment, the world outside of that theater vanished. the film could have been playing a thousand scenes, and neither of you would have noticed. the only thing that mattered was the warmth of josh’s hand in yours, the way he squeezed it gently.

by the time the credits rolled and the lights came up, you both were still sitting close, your hands now very obviously intertwined. there was a satisfied, playful grin on both your faces, a mutual understanding of what had just happened between you, and neither of you could stop the little spark of joy that flickered in your chest.

the crowd outside the theater had thinned, and there were only a few straggling onlookers left. the lack of paparazzi made the air feel lighter, more intimate. the flashing cameras, the constant eyes on you, had disappeared as quickly as they’d arrived, leaving only the steady presence of josh by your side. his hand was still firmly wrapped around yours, and though the world seemed to fall away, you couldn't help but feel the weight of all the whispered glances from the few people still lingering around.

you snuck a glance at him, and he caught it, his eyes meeting yours with a playful smile. you both walked in silence toward the exit, but the tension between you was thick. it wasn’t just the excitement from the night, or the high of seeing yourself on the big screen, it was something else. something you couldn’t quite name yet, but you felt it every time his fingers brushed against yours.

once you reached the parking lot, you turned to him. "do you want to come back to my place?" the words felt sudden, but they were honest. he raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk pulling at his lips, but he didn’t hesitate.

"yeah, i'd like that," he said softly, his hand tightening around yours as you made your way to his car.

the drive was quiet but not uncomfortable. the radio hummed quietly in the background, but it was his presence that consumed your attention. every so often, you'd catch his eyes glancing at you, his face softening with a tenderness that made you feel both a little breathless.

when you reached your apartment, he pulled up to the curb and parked, smoothly shifting into neutral. before you could reach for the door handle, he was already there, opening it for you. his fingers curled around the edge of the door. he offered you his hand, helping you out. it was such a casual thing, but it still managed to pull a smile out of you, the kind that you had to look away to hide.

he walked alongside you to your front door, his presence warm against the cool night air. he waited patiently, a step behind as you fished your keys from your bag. you could feel his eyes on you, attentive but soft, like he was memorising this small moment. the lock clicked, and you pushed the door open, stepping inside and feeling the rush of warmth against your skin.

he stepped inside, his focus shifting to the family photos on the walls as he moved with unhurried steps. the silence felt heavy now, filled only by the click of your heels across the floor as you set your handbag on the counter. you could hear the quiet scuff of his shoes as he followed, moving closer, the distance between you shrinking with every breath.

josh stood in front of you, his eyes softening as he took in the tension on your face. he could see it. the way your brows furrowed slightly, the way your lips were pressed together. the worry was evident, and it made him feel an unfamiliar ache in his chest.

"hey," he said, his voice low and gentle, "what’s going on? you’ve been quiet ever since we got here." he took a small step closer, his eyes never leaving yours as if he was waiting for you to say something, anything.

you opened your mouth to respond, but the words caught in your throat, trapped somewhere between confusion and guilt. what could you say? how could you explain the mess inside your head, the things that had been eating away at you for the past year?

you felt his presence growing stronger, like he was waiting for you to reach out, but you couldn’t. you didn’t know how to bridge the distance that had built up between you, even if it was only in your own heart.

“i– i don’t know how to say this.” your voice cracked slightly, betraying the emotions you hadn’t allowed yourself to feel until now.

josh tilted his head, concern deepening in his eyes. “you don’t have to explain anything if you’re not ready, but i'm here to listen if you are.”

his words, that small gesture of understanding, only made the pressure in your chest tighten. the last year had been filled with silence, each day spent wondering if you’d made the wrong choice. and now, standing before him, feeling the warmth of his presence, you were finally forced to confront the truth.

was it worth it to trust someone else's words over his?

“olivia said... she said some things about you. about us,” you began, your throat tight as you struggled to find the words. “i let her get into my head. and i chose to believe them. since i've seen past tabloids of you, and i just... i don’t know. it made me think maybe i was just another girl to you, josh. that i was nothing special.” the words were difficult to choke out, like each one took something from you.

you took a shaky breath, your voice thick with the emotion you’d been holding back for so long. “i know i should have talked to you, josh. i should’ve just asked you if it was true, if i was just another girl in a long line of flings. but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.” you looked down, your gaze fixed on the floor as you admitted the hardest part. “i was terrified. i was scared that if i asked, on the off chance that it was true, it would hurt even worse than believing the lie.”

josh’s expression shattered, he’d just realised how deep the wound went. he moved even closer, his hands sliding up to gently cradle your face, forcing you to look at him. “god, i hate that you felt that way,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “you should never have had to doubt us. i should’ve made sure you knew how much you meant to me. i’m so sorry.”

your chest tightened, a fresh wave of tears spilling over as you finally let yourself lean into his touch, the warmth of his palms grounding you in the moment. it was like he was trying to hold all the broken pieces of you together, the way his thumbs gently stroked your cheeks.

“i didn’t know,” you whispered, your voice raw. “i didn’t know if it was real, or if i was just something temporary for you.”

“it’s real,” josh said urgently, his forehead pressing against yours. “it’s always been real with you. and i should’ve done more to show you that. i’m here now, and i’m not letting go again.”

“i should’ve trusted you,” you whispered, the guilt bubbling to the surface. "but the way she said it, the way it all just seemed to line up... i thought maybe she was right. i thought maybe you were just... playing around." you swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. “i didn’t know what to think anymore. and i pushed you away.”

josh’s hands slid to your shoulders, his grip gentle but firm. “i get why you felt that way, but i’m not like that. i never have been with you.” his voice dropped, becoming more vulnerable. “i’ve been falling for you this whole time. and i know i messed up.

i didn’t fight hard enough for us when i should’ve.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “i should’ve told you how i felt. i shouldn’t have let you think i was anything like those guys. i’m not.”

you stood there, trying to process everything he was saying, the rawness in his words hitting you. the walls you had built around yourself started to crack, the defences you’d spent a year erecting finally starting to crumble in the face of his honesty.

“i don’t want to be just another fling, josh,” you whispered, your voice barely above a breath. “i need to know i mean something to you.”

“you do,” he said, his voice almost pleading now. “you mean everything to me.” his hands slid down your arms, holding onto you with a desperate kind of tenderness. “i’ve been stupid, letting this distance grow between us. i never stopped caring about you. and i’m sorry for not saying it sooner. i can’t keep pretending i don’t feel this way.”

the air between you was thick, almost stifling, as if every unsaid word hung there, waiting. your chest rose and fell, breaths coming a little faster than they should. he looked at you, searching your face like he was trying to find the right thing to say, but couldn’t.

for a second, you just stood there, both caught in that in between place, uncertain, but wanting more than you were willing to admit. you could see the way his gaze flickered, the way his hands hovered by his sides, like he was debating whether to reach for you.

you took the leap first, stepping into him and pressing your lips to his. the kiss was simple but real, like a question and an answer all at once. he exhaled against your mouth, almost a sigh of relief, and his hands found your waist, pulling you closer, like he’d been waiting for this as long as you had.

when you pulled back, the tension melted away, replaced by something softer, almost gentle. he rested his forehead against yours, letting out a quiet laugh, almost like he couldn’t believe this was happening. “i’ve wanted this for so long,” he whispered.

you smiled, feeling the weight of everything you’d been carrying start to lift. “me too,” you admitted. “but no more excuses, okay?”

he nodded, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “no more excuses,” he promised.

and with that, you kissed him again, letting yourself fall into it.

trusting that this time, you’d both make it count.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

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psychesalcove · 13 days ago

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who knows how long i've loved you, you know i love you still

♡ leo valdez x fem. reader

synopsis. request!!

tw. nothing i think, just not proofread at all

guess who finally is writing again!! this past month has been soo packed with school and work things—this year is also a hectic scholarship one, so i've been doing that lol. i'm sorry that i haven't been active, lifes just been crazy 😓.

"hi."

you saw leo jump a little from where he sat at the ledge of the fire escape. he turned his head slightly in your direction, but his eyes stayed put on the streets of manhattan. "hey."

the seven were meeting up at sallys apartment—a tradition that had been going on for some time now. you had just come from the kitchen, were everyone was chatting away, minus leo. that's what brought you out here. you somehow always had a nack for knowing where he was; a longing, some said.

you walked over to him, silently asking him if you could sit. he nodded silently, the opposite of how he usually is at these gatherings—talking to anyone and everyone about whatever came to mind. you sat down at the approval nod, mimicking his position by draping your legs over the edge too.

"whats wrong?" you asked, getting straight to the point. leo never got this quiet unless something was wrong, you learned that from your time on argo ii with him. he shrugged his shoulders, eyes following a person walking their dog down the street.

"hey, cmon." you said lightly, bumping your shoulder with his. "i wanna know how to help."

he shrugged again, but this time started taking. "i don't know," he mumbled. "i just, feel weird–i guess, i don't know." he shrugged his shoulders again; must be his favorite gesture right now.

"i think you do know what you feel," you mused, eyes flickering from the across the street apartments to leo. "what's happening in that smart head of yours?" you prompted, ears picking up on percy singing horribly from somewhere inside.

you saw leo smile lightly at your wording from the corner of your eyes, but didn't mention it. "i think it just feels different now, i guess." he started. "i mean, everyone here seems to be figuring out their life. percy, annabeth, you and jason are at college, piper already has a business starting, hazel and frank are doing great at new rome, and then—" he stopped with a breath, shoulders slumping down.

"then i'm here with nothing to talk about. what do i even say? that im just doing nothing cool? i haven't even really starting applying to college, how do i talk about that and sound interesting?" he rambled, hands starting to gesture mindlessly.

you considered this. you haven't even realized that leo felt like this; he always seemed like the most interesting person to you. "you can talk alot about applying to college," you said finally, watching as he looked over and made eye contact with you for the first time since you came out here.

"talk about the collage, what you're thinking of majoring in, stuff like that. gods, you can even talk about joining a frat house; piper would joke about that for hours with you." as you talked, you watched as leo took in your words, though you didn't know if it was helping.

"remeber when i was applying to college last year? i talked about that with you for hours, and you didn't get bored, did you?" you asked. leo shook his head in response pressing his lips together as he thought.

"and, i promise you—i ever swear on river styx—that everyone in there would love to talk to you about anything, especially me." you said, hand coming up to hold his. you don't know where this gesture came from, but it almost seemed natural to you. you squeezed his hand, smiling as he reciprocated.

"thank you." leo mumbled, his free hand coming up to quickly rub at his eyes.

"leo, you better not start crying on me now," you joked, hand still in his. he laughed lightly at your statement, his arm now rubbing at his face instead of just his hands.

"can i hug you?" he asked. before he could even finish his question, you were removing your hand from his and instead embracing him fully. he mumbled something you couldn't pick up, but he quickly hugged you back tigher.

"thank you so much." he repeated, head resting on your shoulder.

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rekreku · 2 years ago

Note

hi hi <3 i absolutely love your writing. i saw that your requests are open!! if you’re comfortable with it, i was wondering if i am able to request zenitsu, tanjiro, and inosuke from demon slayer with a s/o!reader who gets severely injured during a mission with them? it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with doing this! thank you though :)

in harm’s way.

various demon slayer characters x gn! reader

type: angst

prompt: in which your boyfriend finds you severely injured.

note: thank you so much for the rq, sweetheart! <3 i love these three sm!! again, im sorry for being mia for over uhh (checks watch) a long time now! :’) i don’t have a set schedule and school has been kicking my ass. but i see everyone’s requests and i will get to them, i promise! <3

characters include: tanjiro, inosuke, and zenitsu.

•

the first thing TANJIRO does when he sees you’re injured is scream out your name.

he stops whatever he’s doing to get you out of the middle of the fight, making sure nothing else can hurt you.

he keeps you close to his body, as if trying to keep you warm with his body heat.

he’s panicking, not sure what to do. he peppers your face in kisses, telling you that you’ll be okay and that you’re going to get the proper treatment you need soon.

inside, he blames himself for letting you get hurt; though, he’s not going to tell you that, but he will be apologizing over and over under his breath.

he gets you to a safe space and promises you he’ll be right back, continuing to kiss your face, using it as a way to calm himself down.

he gives you his kimono to stop as much bleeding as possible before returning to the battlefield.

•

the first thing INOSUKE does when he sees you severely injured is stop everything he’s doing.

of course, that’s easier said than done, considering how passionate he is about fighting.

however, he’ll rush to your side, crying out your name and telling you to get up; he’d be extremely confused as to why you weren’t really responding.

and then, when he sees your wounds, he’ll go crazy. he’ll start mindlessly attacking the demons left and right, too blinded by his fury.

afterwards, he’ll take you somewhere safe, unsure of how to help.

he’ll ask tanjiro for help; which is a shocker anyway, considering how much he likes to take care of things himself, but he wants you safe and protected.

he’d feel lowkey extremely guilty, pinning it on himself for not protecting you or being your shield like he swore he would be.

he’ll stay by your side as much as he’s able before he has to leave for more missions.

•

the first thing ZENITSU does when he sees you’re severely injured is cry hysterically.

he wants to make sure you’re okay, reaching for you and immediately dragging you out of harm’s way.

he’s probably swearing under his breath about not being able to be there to protect you, calling himself a coward.

he’d cry to tanjiro and inosuke, unable to fully get enough air to breathe properly, causing him to let out choked sobs.

he’d refuse to let go of you for even a minute, even if you were being examined.

he’d gently run his hand through your hair when you’re laying in his lap, whimpering soft words to you, practically pleading for you to keep fighting until they get help.

#anime #gn!reader #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #tanjiro kamado #zenitsu agatsuma #inosuke hashibira #angst #tanjiro x reader #inosuke x reader #zenitsu x reader

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grandpasauce · 2 months ago

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"bioware's doing the best they can" "they have to trim the fat SOMEWHERE" "they have to move on from the previous games EVENTUALLY" "they ALWAYS have disregarded things from past games" guys........... (ramblings under the cut)

my man on earth....... morrigan is literally claimed By The Devs to be a prevalent character in datv and ur telling me NOTHING that happned to her is worth putting into the background of datv?

you can claim bioware is just doing their job and have all the excuses in the world for them but when u get down to it.... they really just didnt want to deal with anything from the past three games... they didnt want to put the work in to add even CODEXES (one the the easiest cheapest forms of implementing background lore) to this game... the literal game director barely even knows who ZEVRAN is (a MAIN CHARACTER from the FIRST of the series) because they didnt bother going back to replay or research dragon age as a series beyond dai... like... i understand the devs wanting to simplify their jobs and i actually totally agree, they needed to get rid of the keep, that was too much info for them to keep up with.

But they cut back SO MUCH, like an unnecessary amount. Three? THREE choices? AND ALL OF THEM ARE SOMEHOW RELATED TO SOLAS? NOTHING the inquisitor did was notable beyond their relationship to Solas? Nothing??

people are using leliana as an example of something bioware has retconned before because shes alive regardless of if u killed her in dao or not. except the problem with that is that the games DOES address the fact that she's supposed to be dead. like it very much does that??? hello?? id rather they bring her back and address it than just totally retcon it and never explain it

this is such a horrible, disrespectful decision on bioware's part and making excuses for them is WILD. like. the devs are fine i promise u. stopppp telling people to **touch grass** and **take some deep breaths** after I myself have invested over half my life into playing these games just to get slapped with "lol actually none of that matters now hehe" jfc

like i understand fandom can get a lil crazy but im telling u this isnt an overreaction lmao let people be upset about things that theyve poured their lives into for 15+ years

im still buying the game, im still playing it, ill still love it, but MAN this has kind of totally ruined my trust in the devs and im back to being nervous about how they will address things in this game and beyond because it really feels like a big fuck u to long time fans and idk how they wouldnt think it would be perceived as such.

#i swear to GOD if i see one more person say “chill out guys! take a breath! its no biggy!” im gonna eat a ball of dried glue #“but alyssa this game is set in the north! what happens in the south doesnt matter AT ALL!”#do u understand how to world works my man? dost thou have a brain my good brother?#such a weak excuse im sorry #bleh im gonna go offline and be sad about this for a bit #i was gonna replay dai but now that none of that matters.... i dont see why i would lmao #dragon age #datv

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listofwhyyouloveher · 13 days ago

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I already know that heaven is a place

Summary: You are Johnny's girlfriend and he goes missing..

Warnings: death, mentions of murder, dying, not happy, im so sorry, please forgive, mentions of maybe getting over grief, also maybe cringy idk stop

Author's Note: heyy yalll, so sorry about this one, this one might burn a little. but it also might be really bad idk im so geeked please help. This fic is inspired by "Red, White and Blue" by Remy bond, tmrw will be "how to disappear" by Lana Del Rey for darrryryry

Everything around you felt like a spark of him. Something that tugged on the back of your brain and captured your breath greedily. The overwhelming sense of how much he left behind, and how unsatisfied you were. You stared at the little dip in the corner of your bed, a last reminisce of his being after he stayed at your house the night before he went missing. You slept on the floor, not willing to disrupt the mattress's condition. It felt like you were going crazy.

When day broke, the morning of the night he left, you adventured outside your house to find the lot taped up in yellow with cops crawling all over. You shivered, a sense of discomfort gripping your heart. Your feet quickened and you hurriedly walked to Johnny’s house. He told you he would meet you outside around this time so you sat by his curb.

Time passed and leaves rustled around you. Your heart sank further and further, and soon enough you got up to leave. Your head filled with promises that he was alright, but your mind clouded with worse-case-scenarios. Taking a different route than the one by the lot, you rushed to Dally’s place of the week.

You knocked hastily, fingers quivering in nervousness. A slightly hungover and dazed Dallas opened.

“Whaddya want?” He said, rough New York accent poking through.

“Where’s Johnny? Is he with you?” You asked, looking behind him into the empty room.

Dallas sighed, “I don’t know where he is.”

You bit your lip, “D-do you think something could’ve happened to him? When I was walking I saw a bunch of police around the lot, did he go to the lot?” You asked, eyes welling with tears. You watched as Dallas’s hand tightened on the doorknob when you mentioned the lot.

“It’s true! Oh, please don’t tell me he’s-” You cried but Dallas stopped you.

“Look, crazy. He ain’t dead.”

“W-what?” You asked, wiping your tears quickly.

“I can obviously tell you care about the kid, I’ll tell you what’s happening. Johnny and Pony got into a bad fight with a soc, they killed ‘em at the lot. Self defense, of course. So I loaded them up with a fat stack of cash, some supplies and sent ‘em somewhere they can hide out,” He shrugged, as if it was no big deal, but you could tell by his clenched jaw that he was nervous.

“Where?” You asked, slightly dumbfounded at how much could happen in one night.

“Won’t tell ya. But I will tell you, I’m going there soon. If you want, I can take a message,” He said, patting your shoulder. You opened your mouth to say something, but he cut you off.

“But not right now, I got some business to take care of. See ya, kid.” He said, sending you away.

Time passed and you saw life grow dull. There was just something amiss but always there. Like a scent that you loved but can’t quite name, or those fleeting memories that feel like seconds. You pressed forward, waiting for his return, hoping for it.

It came in the worst way possible. Johnny always had to be a hero. A quality you found yourself swooning and crying over. You grasped his damaged hand lightly, on your knees beside his hospital bed, ready to burst with tears.

“Oh, Johnny, why’d you do it,” You pressed your forehead to his arm, cheeks stained with tears.

Once you told Johnny that if he ever needed help, to just call you. He turned to you and said, “and what if it’s a soc, would’ya fight ‘em?” You smiled and told him, “yes, and if I had to, I would die for you.” You promised yourself and you promised him. So why weren’t you able to help him? Protect him?

“Please, Johnny..please, stay forever,” You cried.

The months that passed were a blur. Of colors that Johnny would wear, things that he called beautiful, his favorite activity to do with you. He was in the corner of everything, buried in deep parts of your world. He was there when you tied your shoes, and when you went to bed at night.

And people tell you, sometimes, when they think nobody can hear them, that Johnny flew too close to the sun. A small hint of a smile grows, a sad fond smile.

“But at least he flew.”

#shroomsroom #clara'sroom #the outsiders x reader #johnny cade x reader

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christall77 · 10 months ago

Text

~❦A Dragon's Treasure❦~

M! Dragon x GN! Reader

I was gone for a long while but I hope it's still not too late to say Happy New Year! (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^)

So I had this idea after I made an AI chat bot of this character so yeah, hope you guys enjoy and if you should find any mistakes feel free to tell me!

TW: Mentions of minor character deaths

Finally after days of traveling on the back of your horses, both you and your friend Adrian reach the destination of your quest. Or more so, Adrian's quest. The huge mountain is in sight, where the castle and home of the infamous dark dragon Ryunir should reside in. Including the princess the beast has stolen away from the kingdom. Every person around the land knows about the legendary maneating dragon, who hoards unfathomable amounts of gold and riches inside his castle and his hate for humanity. All stolen from kings and royals alike, but it seemed like he had a special grudge against the royals in the kingdom Adrian and you call home. The king was rightfully scared about the danger that could strike any day, so he sent an army of knights to get rid of the fire breathing lizard. Only to never hear from them again and have his precious daughter, princess Amelia get taken by the massive beast.

Many other knights have tried to save her, especially now after the king has promised his daughter's hand in marriage. Your friend being one of them. Him and the princess always acted all lovey dovey around each other even while you were there watching the whole thing unfold. So it was only a matter of time until he asked, no begged you to come with him on this quest to save her. Despite your own hesitation and second thoughts. You two have been through thick and thin, he's been there for you when you needed him and vise versa, which is the reason why you're now standing on the edge of the mountain. Having already dismounted your horse as Adrian follows.

“Are you really sure we should do this?”, your voice comes out after you gulp down the lump in your throat at the sight. Right at the edge a small wobbly bridge is the only thing that connects the ground of the mountain and castle, the dark abyss below surrounding it. Adrian gives you a comforting pat on the shoulder, the determination evident on his face. “Don't worry (y/n), we have been successful with all our quests so far. Besides, I can't sit around and have princess Amelia locked up forever!”, “That's what the other knights must've thought as well before they most likely busted into flames...”

Not wasting any more time he approaches the creaky bridge and gives the robes an experimental tug. Waving you over after deeming it save enough. The darkness below doesn't make the way any less nerve wrecking, but Adrian makes sure to have a good hold on you while carefully moving alongside with you. A sigh of relief you were holding in leaves you once making it safely to the other side, now entering the darkened castle as quietly as possible through the creaky doors. The sounds echoing through the long and high hallways in front. It definitely would take a lot of time until any of you would find the right tower or room where the princess is hidden away.

Each step has to be chosen carefully, as any sound might alert the massive dragon residing somewhere deep within the castle. The floors and walls littered with cracks and damages, evidence that this place is much older and hasn't been taken care of in ages. Adrian clutches his sword tightly in his hands beside you, looking left and right towards each different corridor. With a nod to himself he turns to you and whispers, “Maybe we should split up...”, taking a few steps forward he chooses to go straight ahead. “You guard the entrance and distract the dragon, if he finds you first and I'll search for Amelia.”

“Are you crazy?!" You whisper shout towards him as your head almost snaps back towards him, keeping your tone down, ”I get that we might cover some more space this way, but mind you there's no way it would improve our chances with the dragon! Wait- Adrian!“ Before you could protest any further he speed walks away. Leaving you alone in the middle of the halls. ”I swear if I die I'll kill him if the dragon doesn't.“ You grumble to yourself, stepping through one of the hallways closest to the left. One hand hovering over the weapon in your belt just in case as you reassure yourself internally.

It almost feels like hours wandering around but finding nothing but even more halls and even the occasional bones of previous living humans who've entered the castle, which causes shivers to run down your spine. You've probably walked around in circles now but kept yourself close to the entrance like Adrian asked you to. Eventually the soles of your feet start to bother you and you decide to take a small seat on a small staircase. Checking your equipment and hoping that Adrian has found the princess in the while you were walking around aimlessly.

”This is so stupid... Should've known he would run off by himself again. Probably to also show off and be 'the knight in shining armor' for her.“ Consumed in your own little quiet rant and thoughts, you fail to notice the dark silhouette that starts to stirr behind you from your words. A large single golden eye opening and gazing down at the small human sitting below. Only once the massive beast rises and its hot breath blows against your back do you freeze, before slowly and anxiously turning around to face the dragon. It certainly was a sight you can't deny, after all you always had a respect and fascination with dragons, but at this moment survival is more important. A deep gutteral growl rumbles in the back of its throat, followed by a fierce ear piercing roar.

Stumbling up from your seat you make a run for it, barely managing to avoid its jaws, screaming in terror as the rumbling of footsteps follow close behind. In hopes of loosing the creature you run through every hall and corridor possible, making sure to take sharp turns, but no matter what you do the dragon keeps up without trouble. Shooting fireballs at you from time to time which you barely manage to avoid thankfully. It's only once you come to a dead end do you start panicking fully, looking around for any possible way out but finding none you press yourself against the wall. Hoping that the hard surface behind somehow swallows you up and takes you away from this place as your body trembles in fear. Wings unfurled from his back in an intimidating display the dragon approaches slowly, as if savoring the fact that you're trapped and about to face your demise.

Unable to think straight your brain decides to do the unthinkable as your widened eyes take in the size of him almost filling the entire hallway you're in. Instead of drawing your weapon or getting out of there you hurriedly blurt out, ”P-Please spare me big beautiful dragon.!“ Closing both eyes tightly, you await a fireball to roast you, or sharp teeth clamping down and kill you. Yet nothing happens. Opening one of your eyes you see the dragon has stopped in front of you, he seemed caught of guard by that compliment and tilts his head as puffs of smoke leave through his nostrils.

Never in his life was the red scaled beast complimented by a human, either having faced insults, fear and anger thrown at him. So this surprises him greatly, in a pleasant way. ”You think I'm beautiful human?“ He rumbles, his voice echoing through the halls as it bounces off the walls. Seeing that it somehow stopped the dragon from attacking you quickly nod. It might've been something you said in a panic, but after taking a good look at the creature you can't deny his majestic and powerful presence.

”Y-yes. I mean it's not every day one is face to face with an amazing creature of legends like a dragon.“, Your genuine interest in his kind stirrs a strange warmth within his large scaly chest, but not the usual heat he emits, it's foreign yet pleasant. A feeling he now wants to continue experiencing out of newfound curiosity. Moving his long neck down so his head is a little closer the creature gives you an expectant look as if asking what made you say all of this. ”Tell me, what about me is so beautiful little human?“

In response you let your gaze wander over the different parts of him, pointing out everything that intrigues you. ”Well for starters I've never seen wings so huge and cool like this. It always sounded interesting to experience flying, though I could only read about it in books.“, a small nervous chuckle leaves you before you continue while the huge dragon listens intently how you compliment him more. Things like how shiny his wine red scales look, those horns that give him an even more intimidating yet regal appearance and so on and so forth.

”But I think your eyes are the most beautiful thing of you, they shine like gold..“ At this point you seem to be rambling on as if forgetting about the danger you've been in. Though the dragon doesn't mind, in fact he likes it. Your last compliment struck a chord inside, feeling the beating of his heart quicken as his pupils dilate and the subtle sound of purring reverberates through his entire being. A pleased purr leaves the dragon as his head tilts so his large eye is peering down at your smaller frame better. ”What is your name little one?", he inquires curiously. Once you introduce yourself, a small smile makes its way onto his face when he tastes your name upon his tongue.

“It suits you little one. I'm Ryunir, it's very much a pleasure meeting you.” There's a strange haze that crosses his gaze which makes you fidget underneath its intensity. Another puff of warm air blows against your frame as he inhales and exhales deeply, taking in your scent. “Thank you, I'd like to chat a little longer but uhm...”, you pause trying to find the right words to say next. “I need to find my friend again so we can leave in peace.”

The dragon frowns upon hearing the word 'leave'. Since Ryunir has set his eyes upon you, he had a feeling you didn't come here all the way alone and were either here to steal the gold or rescue the princess he took. No matter which one it was he doesn't care anymore. Stealing the princess was only to spite the king who has made Ryunir's life more miserable by sending countless knights for centuries, before (y/n) and their friend to kill him for not only his riches, but also for his scales and head. Which is why he has started to reign terror over the people of this kingdom ever since. Yes he did keep the girl away from being saved, but Ryunir never liked having her here either. But now that you're here? Your friend could rescue the royal away for all he cares, what he wants is to have you by his side for the rest of his life.

In the dragon's eyes you've become his most priced treasure, his mate. Ryunir can't believe it himself entirely as well, yet there's something inside him that tells him that you are meant to be his. Wether it's instincts or the fact that he's been lonely without any positive interactions for as long as the beast can remember for the recent few 100 of years, one thing is for sure. You've made your way into his heart and there's nothing that's going to take you away from him.

“Leave? No... Stay with me little one.”, before you could protest or say anything further the dragon leans down with a soft whine. Snatching you up by the back of your gear, like a mother cat carrying her kittens and taking you deeper into the castle. “W-Wait! No I can't stay.! Adrien!” Paying your calls for help no mind, the dragon continues with a small pep in his step. The sound of his footsteps echoing through the silent empty hallways until entering a large chamber filled with riches. Mountains upon mountains of gold, jewels and many more things that has some type of value as far as your eyes can see. Reaching his desired spot surrounded by a few pillars, Ryunir gently drops you down before coiling his tail around you in a warm and protective embrace. Lighting up the torches and chandeliers hanging upon the walls, ceiling and columns with a light breath of fire, surrounding the both of you in a more cozy atmosphere.

Holding you close to his red scaly body as he gets comfortable, curling up and nuzzling his snout against your smaller head. His entire being vibrating as he purrs affectionately. “Comfy my dear treasure?”, Ryunir rumbles softly in question. “Yes?” Your answer comes out more like a question than intended but the beast takes it nonetheless with a pleased growl. “Don't worry, I won't do anything you're not comfortable with. You're mine now and I intend to have my mate protected and satisfied no matter what."

His words are filled with honesty and utter devotion. A promise to keep you safe and under his care for as long as he lives. Tenderly brushing a few strands of hair out of your face with his claw, making sure to not hurt or scratch you with it. Despite your initial reluctance you end up enjoying his company more than anticipated. Keeping light conversations all the while showing nothing but tenderness and longing towards you. His heat emitting from his body also helps calming down your thoughts, practically melting into his coils until the both of you take a rest together and doze off.

It's only after what felt a few moments later that someone is trying to shake you awake. With a small groan your eyes meet Adrian who has a panicked look on his face, the princess hiding at the doorway of the gigantic chamber. ”(Y/n) wake up!“ He whisper shouts, making sure to not wake the beast sleeping beside you. Blinking both eyes open, startled you meet your friend's gaze. ”Oh now you're showing up? Where were you almost an hour ago?!“, flailing your hands in expiration you then let out a deep sigh after hearing your friend's apology.

”I'm sorry (y/n), but this beast has trapped me earlier but luckily I made it out. And look! I found Amelia!“ Gesturing towards the girl she gives you a quiet wave of her hand, yet she's visibly tense by the fact that the dragon is here. Adrian freezes swiftly when the dragon in question shifts but doesn't wake up just yet, instead pulling you closer towards his head despite still being asleep. ”Lets get you out of here...“, he whispers climbing up the pile of gold, as sneakily as those allow him to be until he reaches you and holds out his leather gloves hand. Grasping yours and trying to pull you out of the tight coils around your frame.

”Adrian, please stop. Just leave!“ Ushering him away in a hurry as the tail tightens around you. ”Take Amelia and go.“, Adrian pauses then shakes his head, ”I'm not leaving you here with this monster (y/n)!“ He gives you a look that tells you that he won't back down no matter what. With a final pull with both of his hands he manages to get his friend out, almost falling down the gold pile in the process, managing to catch the both of you steady just barely.

Though the quiet celebration was short lived once the eye of the beast opens, as if sensing that his mate is not within his hold anymore. His pupils turn into slits upon seeing the both of you, in particular your friend holding you close. With a furious roar he rises, the riches around you flying and getting thrown everywhere as he moves. ”Come hurry! This way!“ Princess Amelia yells out, holding the door open as Adrian pulls you along as fast as possible. Just narrowly escaping Ryunir's jaws and rushing towards the entrance with you and the princess in tow who points out the direction towards the exit she has found at a time in her own attempts to escape.

Behind you the enraged dragon roars out and wastes no time chasing after the group of three, through every hallway possible. Luckily with Amelia on their side there won't be a chance to run into any dead ends. Soon the exit is in sight and Adrian pushes the both of you forward, stopping in his tracks to face Ryunir with a determined face. Before the dragon could let out his breath of fire, your friend cuts the rope beside him which was holding the massive metal gate of the entrance up, only to have it slam down upon the dragon's scaly back. A furious and pained shriek getting forced from his being. Successfully trapping him underneath as he trashes wildly on hopes of getting out. Not wasting any more time Adrian pushes you and the princess forward onto the wobbly bridge until you finally reach the mountain once more.

Relief rushes through the other two once the group got onto their horse and gallop away, yet as you leave in tow the cries of Ryunir still can be heard in the distance. As if calling out for you to return at the loss of your presence. With a heavy heart and head held low you stay quiet for the rest of the trip back until reaching the kingdom at last heart still beating wildly from the escape.

When Adrian brought back the king's daughter he was allowed to, as promised, to be wed to Amelia, which of course he couldn't turn down. Days have gone by until the wedding finally comes around, you couldn't be happier for your friend but the events from the castle still linger in your mind. As absurd as one might think it is, you actually ended up enjoying your time with Ryunir even if it was a rough start and he tried to kill you initially. But somehow he wove himself into your heart and leaving him made you feel bad.

As you sit by the lake by yourself lost in thought Adrian approached you from behind and gives you a concerned look. ”What's wrong (y/n)? This is my wedding party, have some fun... I don't want to see my best friend down on such a beautiful day.“, squeezing your shoulder gently he tries to lighten up the mood but ends up sitting down beside you on the grass not caring if his white suit gets dirty. ”Something is bothering you...“ he points out, already knowing that it must be something that happened regarding the quest. Finally nodding your head you turn to him, ”Remember the dragon?“

Scrunching his eyebrows he nods giving you a concerned look. ”Has he hurt you?“, he questions, ”No it's not that, he seemed to like me... We actually talked and it felt nice.“ Adrian listens to your ramblings, showing his surprise and disbelief at the story you're telling him. After all, how could the dark dragon which the kingdom has feared for so long be the same you described?

All of a sudden a shadow casts overhead making the two of you blink in confusion. The roar and beating of large wings in the distance unmistakable. And speak of the devil, Ryunir has arrived. He must've freed himself somehow and now is circling the castle before diving down. Hearing screams and distressed yells from the people the both of you rush towards the chaos. Men and women running frantically to get safe as the king shouts orders towards his knights to take down the monster. Adrian joins them as you stand there for a moment to let the situation process in your head.

Ryunir lands harshly in the middle of the town, growling fiercely as his gaze fleets over the crowd of humans. Hoping to find his mate somewhere in those masses. Not caring if he steps over buildings or other structures, knocking them down in his frantic search. Picking up people with his claws that might resemble your appearance before tossing them away carelessly after seeing it's not the human he's looking for. The knights rush into the scene and start firing arrows upon arrows at the beast, only angering him further even though they barely even pierce his skin. Becoming annoyed by their attempts to kill him he lifts his head high in the air before surrounding the army with hot flames. Some manage to get out of the attack just barely yet badly wounded. Leaping into the air to move more inward of the kingdom he continues looking until a lone knight catches his attention. Recognizing Adrian immediately his nostrils flare up with smoke, seeing the one that has in his eyes, taken away his mate from him fills himnwith unbridled rage.

Seeing the anger flash across the dragon's visage your friend turns around a corner to avoid the incoming fire blast. The flames almost burning his suit. He has to find you quickly, if what you told him was true then Ryunir must be here for a special reason. Avoiding one fire ball after another, Adrian rushes towards the castle grounds towards the woods where he last saw you. With a loud roar the dark dragon climbs up one of the towers and leaps down, the force shaking the ground, sending dust all over and making Adrian stumble the powerful force of the wind throwing him against a nearby tree.

Forcing your friend against the wooden bark, Ryunir's throat starts heating up as he prepares to end the human in front of him, mouth wide open to rip him into pieces. ”Stop!“, Ryunir's jaws clamp shut just inches away, immediately turning his head towards the sound of your voice. The panic and worry on your face very much evident, you hurry over just to stand a safe distance away to keep his attention away from your friend. When he finally sees you standing there in the flesh, his wings lower and his eyes soften. His pupils dilating as he slowly steps closer, ”(y/n)...“, with an almost inaudible murmur Ryunir utters your name. Standing before you his head lowers towards you, sniffing and taking in your scent as if to make sure you're really there in front of him. Finally placing both of your hands upon his scaly snout he rumbles contently and closes his eyes, calming down against the soft caresses.

Adrian's gaze fleets between his friend and the massive dragon as he catches his breath. ”What's happening..?“, slowly he tries to force himself onto his feet with a groan, leaning against the trunk of the tree for support. The dragon immediately starts growling again turning his heated gaze back, but before any of you could say or do anything Ryunir gently lifts you off the ground just like the first time he did, sending Adrian another glare with a loud huff before spreading those massive wings and flying away.

Instead of landing at the castle like you assumed he stops at a far distance away in a clearing amidst the woods, landing safely by a lake and making sure to set you down on your two feet. ”There, you're safe now my mate.“, he announces proudly puffing out his chest, ”That bad human won't steal you away from me again.“ Ryunir wraps his tail around you and pulls you close, a pleasant warmth running through his entire body when you return the gesture.

”He's actually my friend Ryunir, he wasn't trying to steal me away. Adrian thought you would've eaten me back then in the castle.“, you clarify. For a moment his purring comes to a halt as he stares down into those eyes of yours, when he sees that you're actually being serious he averts his gaze almost like a pet that has been caught in an act. Yet he doesn't seem to be bothered by the chaos he's caused and quickly focuses back on the human before him. ”Oh well that doesn't matter. What matters is having my beloved treasure by my side again.“, without thinking he leans down and gives you a loving lick on the cheek. Seeing how stunned you are from his action he lets out an amused chuckle, curling up around your smaller frame, his head resting against yours. ”And there's nothing that will seperate us. That's a promise“

#x reader #mythical beings #reader insert #dragon #monster x reader #mythical creatures #dragon x human

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auschizm · 4 months ago

Note

this is an offensive symptom to have but its real and i promise it isnt a troll, just hear me out: i haven't had a chance to talk to a doctor about this because of our economic situation, but i have a symptom where the n word plays in my head whenever i see a human or animal with dark pigmentation, not just black people but also dogs at the dog park for example

for context im a 19F afab european-american woman. and i don't know what to do about this because a few weeks ago on my birthday i was just sitting there at a restaurant on a busy day, and i was sitting by the entrance to charge my phone while a lot of mostly black people walked in and out, and i received the n word playing in my head a few hundred times and there was nothing i could do about it. I'm not racist i just have this recurring involuntary duosyllabic thought that i can't control.

this could be related to ocd or it could be some other type of coprolalia thoughts. but i also have thoughts multiple times a day saying "i am going to k*** m*s***", which i know I'm not going to do, it just gets really annoying and recently I interrupt those thoughts by thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP DON'T SAY THAT or something which certainly feels like I'm "going crazy" or something but i don't know what's wrong with me. (both of these have happened since around autumn/winter of 2023.)

i told my mom about this and she knows, we just haven't had a chance to talk to a doctor because we are moving to a different house. I've been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and i was given a GAD diagnosis in January 2023 with the doctor saying i had some ocdspec traits of obsessive compulsiveness, tics, dissociation, and i forgot what else he mentioned but maybe the fact that i stutter? (i dont know what he meant by tics, back then i just made noises when lost in thought or typing things, and i used to have echolalia when i was 5 or something, this was before the current symptoms) i have no way of knowing right now if this is my Super Mega Autism (autism/adhd/anxiety + ocdspec traits) or if it's an ocdspec disorder if i am developing schizophrenia or schizotypal or something. and I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything i just want to know what your thoughts are on the symptom situation because it's weird and i don't want to publicly post about it.

(and another thing, sometimes when I'm alone i stim by saying "vinegar vinegar vinegar" or Something Else if you know what i mean, and it might be controversial to have coprolalia-related stims, but my head/face feels warm and electric and i say it to calm down and feel normal again which is not something i feel comfortable telling a doctor about. I have a stutter affecting my speech, but i don't completely "involuntarily speak" offensive things, i just involuntarily think KMS and the N word on a consistent basis without variation in the symptoms besides them getting worse, and sometimes get a strong urge to say "vinegar" or just the last 2 syllables of vinegar, which sounds terrible but i think it's similar to coprolalia and i only do it when alone where nobody can hear me.) again this might sound fake or like a troll ask but i promise it isn't. what are your thoughts on this? again im not asking for a diagnosis i just need somewhere to anonymously talk about this.

1) Obsessive compulsive thinking is not fully within your control and does not reflect your actual desires or character. The best way to manage it is actually to stop moralizing it and to focus your attention on what actually leaves your head. 2) Of course no mental disorder excuses acting in racist and otherwise bigoted ways, but things happening exclusively inside your head can't hurt anyone but yourself

#auschizm convos #racism tw #n word tw #suicide tw

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xflixer7 · 1 year ago

Note

Natalie x fem reader

They are at Natalie's house, because nats parents are gone out somewhere, and reader wanted to go, and Nat and reader are definition of grumpy gf x sunshine gf

Nat was smoking and reader tries but just choked and gets upset 😭😭

pairings:natalie scatorccio x female reader

warnings:kissing? nothing to crazy pipe down

word count:650(rounded)

it all started when nat was talking about random things to you while untying her cleats “well my moms not home so-“ “OH MY GOD” “what?” “can we go to yours?” “no y/n i like your house better you know that” “BUT PLEASSSSEEE” “your not talking me out of this i said no.” “IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOUL-“

…..

“i can’t believe you convinced me to do this” you smile brightly at her while you guys get in your car “hm? it’s not like i haven’t been there before” “yah but-never mind” “what’s wrong?” “nothing” “we don’t have to go if you really don’t want to…” you sigh and look down “for fucks sake y/n drive before i change my mind” you smile and turn the key

the door opened she sighed and walked to the fridge opening the door before slamming it “uggghh there’s nothing to eat in this shithole can we just go to your house” “no nat! we’re already here so” “fine”

“ok what to watch” nat clicks her tongue “nightmare on elm street?” “bleh no way not again” “ok well all we have is that or disney movies “oh a disney movie! let’s watch that”she sighed and put the tape in the vhs player you guys sit together watching the little mermaid

nat gets up and grunts walking to the bathroom you frown and look at her coming back into the room with two baggys her hand weed and rolling paper “no nat” “what?” “i wanted to watch it with you” “but i am watching it promise” you pause the movie “ok than what just happened she looks at you with her eyebrow’s furrowed “what?” “what just happened because you were watching it” “omg y/n” “what tell me what happened” “uh she put the fork in her hair or whatever” “WRONG” “her dad just destroyed all of her things she collected from the humans” “your weird” you frown and look at her rolling one

“ok well those can’t taste good” “want to try” she says smirking at you holding the blunt out in front of you “um ok” you sit criss cross in front of her she lights it and brings the blunt to her mouth inhaling than exhaling “ok gimmie” you say reaching out for it and putting it in between your lips sucking the smoke into you mouth it quickly fills into your lungs you start a coughing fit waving your hands in your face

….

“BAHAHAHAHAHA-“ “I CANT BREATHE” you finally calm down after lots of water and breathing “YUCK!” “and you! you laughed at me” “i’m so very sorry dear y/n” you pout and unpause the movie turning on to your side “awww y/n” you grunt and stand up walking out of the room “where are you going??” “IM GETTING A POPSICLE” “HEY GET ME ONE” “GET IT YOURSELF” she scoffs and brings the blunt to her lips you walk back in silently with two popsicles in your hand both wrapped in paper towels you give one to her and sit back down

“aww so sweet of you” “yah yah” you eat your popsicles watching the movie “y/n y/n” nat shakes your arm “what” you say blankly looking at her she kisses you you jolt up and kiss her back than pull away “no i’m mad at you” “aw i’m very sorry for laughing at you dearest wife” “that’s good for now..” she laughs and you kiss again you pull away still holding your popsicle stick in one hand “you taste yucky” “i take offense to that” “no still love you don’t worry! but put that down” you look down at her joint she sighs and puts it out on her side table

“oh look there getting married how cuteeeee” “bleh” “aww there kissing” nat covered your eyes “your too young for these rated r seens!!” you push her hand off of you “oh shut up” you grab her face and kiss all over her “am i too young for that?” “well that’s different..” “ah i see”

send more!! there’s are fun to make hope you like it

-🙈

#yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio x reader #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets x reader

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princessb4mbi · 2 years ago

Text

MESSAGES I CAN’T SEND

꩜ tags black!reader, therapist!eren, college setting, age gap (reader in 20s, eren in 30s), power dynamic, not so protective sex? mentions of death [not proofread]

꩜ synopsis isn’t it obvious to hide your private life better? or was it not obvious when a video of you dry-humping a pillow was sent to your therapist.

@ word count 3.6k

story below the cut !!

ever since you’ve lost your mother to old age, your mental health has spiraled downwards a little bit. you’ve had the privilege of knowing when she WOULD die and at-least died in a proper place rather than somewhere shitty, so that’s cheered your spirits up a little bit. she was your best friend though, and losing your best friend is painful. you went to her whenever you could, talked on the phone for hours, and slept in her bed every night as if you were still five years old.

you weren’t the only one suffering though, your childhood friend sasha couldn’t stand watching you wither away. even though she did everything she could, she knew she was capable of oh so much.

“do you want me to hook you up with my therapist? he’ll seriously help you clear all cloudy thoughts away y/n,” sasha says caressing your cheeks

you move your face away from her hand, “they aren’t cloudy thoughts sas, im just grieving my mother..”

“i know baby, i know.. but i don’t want to grieve YOU if you die of a heartbreak. i want you to get better, physically and mentally.” sasha looks at me emphatically.

she pulls out her phone and scrolls through her contacts until stopping at a card called “dr.jaeger”. “listen, give him a call please. his prices are cheap and his place is nice. it’s not like those dull white offices with an ugly long chair and a monotone person.”

you sighed, reluctantly agreeing to her copying and pasting the number to your phone. “okey, i gotta go now babe, but PROMISE me you’ll give him a call, he’ll help you, and if he doesn’t i’ll play for any of your bills ok?” sasha says packing up her stuff. she kisses your cheek before leaving the quiet study area, leaving you alone to your own thoughts.

you stare at the contact card, pulling dr. jaeger’s name up on your laptop and scrolling through his website. sasha was right about one thing, his prices WERE cheap. about $65 an hour and he also had packages where two weeks of therapy would be about $350 in total.

the prices however, weren’t enough to convince you fully, as your scroll down to see the reviews.

“dr. jaeger saved me. after the loss of my wife, i never felt like so lonely, but my daughter told me about him and he’s helped me heal properly and not turn to anything crazy. he’s an amazing person with amazing talents as such a young age. 5 stars”

ok.. that was something. not that you were going to invalidate them, but that seemed just.. fake. you decided to read another one.

“oh my gosh. no one would believe how amazing someone is at listening and understanding a person’s thoughts. dr. jaeger was nothing like those terrible therapists who make you pay $100 for an shitty hour call. oh how i wished i can say more, but the character limit is fu”

you giggled at that one. maybe i should give him a call. with a deep breath, you called the number.

“hello? my name is y/n, i’d like to speak to dr. jaeger please.”

—

it’s been about a month since you’ve scheduled a session with dr. jaeger, only having to wait that long due to “heavy traffic”. sasha is currently driving you to the building.

“you know, i’m really proud of you for calling. i was scared you were going to stay depressed forever.” sasha says over her 80s radio playing.

“let’s not get too happy yet, he could still be shit at his job..” you say cutting down any happy thoughts.

“you’re STILL doubting him y/n? i get that some people are money hungry, but i promise you he’s not. if he was, do you think ME of all people would be recommending you to him? i mean c’mon, have some faith please.”

“i’m sorry, i just nervous ok. my stomach is doing backflips at the moment.”

“hey man, if you feel like farting, ill park somewhere and you can walk the rest of the way.”

you two pull up to the parking lot, fancy with a modern style front. the office itself if very modern and 2 floored.

“k, i’m gonna drop you off here, call me when you’re done ok?”

you walk out of sasha’s car, waving her goodbye while she drives away. you walk into the sleek office, with painting from what you the assume were from the last two centuries.

the receptionist greets you with a nice smile “welcome, how may i help you today?” you give her your name. “ah i see, you right on time then, ill have this guard guide you to dr. jaeger’s office.” just then, a semi tall man with a black uniform from comes in-front of me. “right this way.”

he leads me into the elevator, where he then leads me into a hallway with lots of rooms. there’s multiple therapists in this building, all with different ways. as i look through the glass windows, i see pet therapy, group therapy and even massage therapy. the guard finally stops at a door, with a name tag having “DR. JAEGER” on it. “here’s your room, have a nice day.” he says as he’s walking away. you give him a quick thank you and knock on the door.

a deep “come in.” follows shortly after, and you enter the room. first impression of when you enter the room was that sasha was right. the room was anything from boring, and didn’t have white walls but instead had a mix of brown and auburn. there was lots of old-style decor too. a record player, cd’s and even the tv was kinda old.

however you were greeted with the most shocking thing of all, dr. jaeger himself. he looked away from his papers, to look at you and gave you a warm smile. his visuals was… something you didn’t expect. most therapist are middle-aged men and women, that are sort-of not the most attractive. but that was ok, because they wanted to help you, not seduce you. dr. jaeger on the other hand was extremely beautiful. he has dark brown hair, put up in a semi-messy bun, the most luscious green eyes, and very kissable pink lips.

i guess you were admiring his facial features for too long to notice dr. jaeger looking at you weirdly. “maybe un-responsive.” he mutters to himself, typing down on his laptop. upon hearing his words, you apologize and scurried to the seat in-front of him.

“or not. . . my name is dr. jaeger, if you’ve haven’t gotten a chance to see on the door.”

“i did, sorry for not responding earlier.”

“it’s ok, its common for most genders to be shocked at how i look.” dr. jaeger said in a non-concerned voice. you were took aback a little by his comment, most genders to be shocked at how he looked? you were wondering if he was just annoyed at the common occurrence or just knew that he was an attractive man. “pushing that aside,” he sighed “sasha has told me a lot about you.” he says looking up at you.

“she did?” you question.

“mhm, she cares for you ms….” he looks at the paper look for your last name.

“y/l/n.”

“ah, thank you. sasha cares for you ms. y/l/n. she talks about your recovery, and wants you to best happy for her.” he says maintaining eye contact. you can’t respond to such kindness. all you can do is nod your head and smile.

“but as a therapist view-point, the death of a loved one is one of the hardest battle we have to overcome as a human being. no matter how emotionless a person may be, the death of anything else to them will always cause someone to break. that’s just how we are, we humans . . . after all.” he says empathically.

“my job isn’t to make you forget your mother, or forget the pain you feel about her. you always feel pain lingering about her, and that’s ok. i’m just here to help you reduce that pain.”

you were shocked. cheap prices, handsome therapist AND a good one at that? maybe it’s good to stay faithful after all.

—

it’s been about 3 weeks since you’ve had daily therapy sessions with mr. jaeger and he’s honestly been helping you a lot. you had different kinds of sessions, like walking around and even some pet therapy. today was for a usual one-on-one walk around the building beautiful outside landscape.

as you and dr. jaeger walk around, you wave to the other clients with their own therapists. “see how social you’ve gotten? when we first came here, you were begging to stay back inside due to all the people,” he jokes around. “now, you’re friendly with them. it’s good progress.” he smiles to himself.

“it was only because of you, dr. jaeger. i don’t think i’d be the way i am without your help.”

“ah. . . don’t flatter me too much. let’s sit right here yea?” he says pointing towards the swinging wood benches. “it’s beautiful outside, isn’t it ms. y/l/n?” he turns to look at you.

“yea, it really is.” you turn back to stare at him. god, you can stare into his eyes for hours. it’s something that about that were so addicting, that you couldn’t look away if you wanted to. to break the silence, you decided to follow up with a cheeky comment. “say dr. jaeger, you really know how to keep a client.” he moves his head to the side, confused. “i like to believe that my clients stay with my due to how i help them and not my looks.” ah fuck. it was not received well at all, and you just profusely apologized to him.

“but, if my looks did make people stay, that wouldn’t be all too bad huh,” he says giving a hearty laugh. “but tell me now, ms y/l/n. does my looks make you stay?” you were at a loss for words. one part of you wanted to say “fuck yes” while another part of you wanted to say “absolutely not”. and you of course went with the latter.

“whatever your answer is, it doesn’t bother me either way. . . but it looks like our time is up ms. y/l/n.” you look down at your phone for the time. it was up after he exclaimed. the two of you head back to his office to pick you up your stuff.

that night later, you were chilling in your bed, getting ready to dose off. you however, couldn’t sleep without thinking about a fantasy. it didn’t matter what type, other than it having to be something interesting. you close your eyes, your mind shifting to dr. jaeger, and the moments between you two that drove you insane. like that one time he wore a turtle neck, showing off his clothed six-pack abs. you imagined yourself touching them, feeling the rock-hardness of them. you open your eyes again, looking around the room. to be honest, you haven’t.. you know what, in a while and you thought it might be time to do it again.

you move your bedsheets closer to the edge to give you more space. and moved all your pillows away except for one. you pulled your phone out and started to record. it might seem weird to other people, but you like to record yourself, in the time that you couldn’t find anything good on twitter or reddit.

you start to rock your hips back n forth on the pillow, assuming it the body of a male. maybe it was dr. jaeger body you could’ve been assuming it off. either way, it turned you on, seeing how you started to move faster on your pillow. one of your hands grip the pillow, as the other hand massages your boob. you move faster, enjoying the friction your clit is getting between the pillow and your soaked panties. you close your eyes, imagining dr. jaeger guiding your body with his big, veiny hands. as you’re about to climax, you can’t help but subtly whimper his name.

once you’ve finished, you end the video. while you’re cleaning up, sasha enters the room. “hey girlie, i was thinking of getting some drinks tomorrow night? wanna come?” she says exciting. “i would but i have a session with dr. jaeger tomorrow.”

“boo, you’re boring.”

“whatever, i’m going to the shower, so let me know if anything happens ok?”

“yea yea boring y/n.”

you go to the bathroom and take off your clothes, hopping inside the shower. you turn on the water, letting the lukewarm water hit your skin. you are alone with your thoughts until sasha comes inside the bathroom.

“not to be nosey, but dr. jaeger texted you.” she says.

“mhm really? what did he say?”

“i didn’t look at it properly, but something about a daily wellness video?” you knew right away. dr. jaeger usual makes his clients make videos of themselves with positive affirmations, then with their consent, he’ll use it on his website for future clientele.

“ahh ok! just send him the most recent video.” you photo gallery takes forever to update, so there’s a chance it’ll take forever to show the video of your “naughty time”.

“ok, sending right now… and it’s sent. if he wants a further conversation, i’ll let you know.”

“thanks sash.”

as you walk out the steamy bathroom, and get ready for bed, you check your notifications for any new ones. you go into the chat between you and dr. jaeger, seeing if theres anything new. you took a look at the video of your affirmation, seeing the shirt you wore today as the thumbnail. you clicked on it, expecting your face to zoom out, as you were testing the camera quality always. to your shock, you camera didn’t zoom out. but instead was your body moving back and forth on something. your heart dropped. it couldn’t be. you’re praying it wasn’t. you skip some of the video to see if it was truly what you think it was, but the video suddenly changed to a more in-depth shot of you humping the pillow with your panties being in view.

your heart start to beat faster than usual. you click off the video to delete it right away. dr. jaeger didn’t respond to it, and it said it was ‘delivered.’ you wanted to tell yourself that he hasn’t seen it, and probably watches those videos early in the morning. you weren’t going to stress yourself out though, you were just gonna go to his office per usual, and get counseling per usual.

—

you take a deep breath and knock at his door, hoping it all ends well. you hear his “come in” but it sounds different from before. his voice went an octave lower. you walk into the room, seeing a more “messy” side of dr. jaeger. at-least he didn’t look at cleaned up as he usually does. his bun was a lot more frizzy from before and he had two buttons undone on his button up shirt.

maybe he had a rough morning. you think to yourself. “good morning ms. y/l/n. how was your night?” you stopped for a second. such a simple question was something so dangerous to you. “it was fine, dr. jaeger. how about yours?”

“oh. one of the best i’ve had in a while.”

“ah. mine was the worst i’ve had in a while.” you mumbled.

“really? i would’ve assumed you’ve had a very nice night ms. y/l/n.”

you stare at him confused. what could he mean by that? yea, you fixed your hair a little better than usual, and your eye bags have gone away overtime, but you truly did have a sleepless night yesterday. dr. jaeger gets up from his chair, to lean on his desk, standing in-front of you. he stared down at you with his usually lighter colored eyes now displayed a dark-green. and his pupils were more extended.

“i don’t know what gives you the impression that i’ve had a nice night dr. jaeger.”

he bends to to match the height of the chair, and put both of his hands on the rest, restricting me from mounting off of it easily. “let’s cut the crap, y/n. i saw what you sent me.” at this moment, it felt like 100 daggers were suddenly lodged into your chest.

“i wondered why you asked what you did yesterday. i thought to myself ‘maybe she thought i was attractive’, but i see it was more than that i see,” he says not breaking eye contact. “you see, as a human, we see something we like, and have many kinds of thoughts about it. and i see the thoughts you have towards me are stronger than what i expected.”

“i’m truly sorry dr. jaeg-“

“call me eren, seeing as that is what you called me in the video.”

“i’m sorry eren, truly. i don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable or hurt this relationship between us.” i say holding back my tears.

“hurt? uncomfortable? those words are out of the park right now,” he says standing up. “to be honest, tell me why you came today y/n.”

“to have a therapy session with you.” you meekly say.

“is my looks standing in the way of you healing with the death of your mother?” he says standing behind me.

“not at all, dr. jae- eren.”

“so then what provoked you to send me a five minute long video of you fucking yourself to a pillow in the imagination that it’s me?” you were at a loss for words. he was right. your heart sank as his word dug deeper into you. and you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. you started to quietly sob, feeling large hands down your shoulders. you feel a hot breath near your eyes chill down your spine. “don’t cry, not in this manner at least,” he says in your ear.

“cry because you can’t handle it, y/n.”

you stopped and turned to look at him. he had a devilish grin on his face. “handle what?” you say, not catching his gist.

“you’ll find out soon enough.”

eren lifts you up by the arm and spins you around to face him completely. you didn’t know what was going on, but you didn’t want to push away. your faces was a mere 4 inches away from each other. “can i? y/n. . . can i give you what you want?”

you look at his eyes then his lips then his eyes again. fuck it, you nod your head and eren kisses you passionately. he stops kissing you for a moment to push the chairs aside. you look at his desk to see his usually messy papers cleaned up to the side. he planned this probably . . . eren picks you up and places you on his desk.

he places a hand on your chin, rubbing it gently. “open it baby,” he says as his kisses you again, but placing his tongue all over the inside of your mouth. his hands tug on the bottom of your shirt, signaling for it to be removed. in between each kiss, you both take off a piece of clothing until you up to your undergarments. eren slips his large hand under your breast, fondling with it while he leaves wet hickeys on your neck. with the other hand he unclasps the bra, throwing it the ground. he kisses you again, muttering “nice tits”.

you pull at the band of his underwear, “want you in me ren’.” you whine. “patience baby.” eren says sliding your panties off to the floor.

“are you on any pills by any chance?”, he says rubbing ur slick all over your cunt. “m-mhm ren.’”

“good. so i don’t have to hold back.”

eren slips his underwear off, revealing his long, veiny and girthy dick. you want to guess it’s around 6-7 inches, but it was gonna tear you up regardless. he strokes his dick, ‘lubing’ it up with his pre-cum. he inches closer to you, having his dick and your hole just one insert away from each other. you open your legs wider and lay down on his desk, giving him more access to yourself. “didn’t even have to ask.” eren said.

he teases the tip of his dick on your clit. your whole body tingles in response, arching your back off the cold desk. “please ren’…” you beg, desperately wanting his dick buried into you. “please fuck me eren.”

“as you wish.” with that, eren aligns himself with your entrance, slowly pushing himself in. the both of you moan simultaneously from the pleasure you both felt. eren starts to push his hips back and forth into you, keeping a firm grip on your waist. eren keeps a nice pace, making sure to satisfy both sides. suddenly, eren lifts your legs, wrapping them around his waist. you jolted from the tingle he gave you. you were trying to conceal your moans, but every time it was getting louder than usual, eren made sure put his hand over your mouth.

eren’s pace starts to unstable, moving fast at times and then slowing down to grind himself on you. you can tell he was close to his climax, seeing how desperate and shaky thrusts were.

“‘m so close baby. . .” he grunts.

“‘ren please! mhm.” you whine, begging him to release.

“at the same time? what a good girl..” he barely breathes out.

eren picks you up by the waist to pull you closer to him. there wasn’t enough space between you too, but he didn’t care. eren grinds his dick into you, feeling his dick throb in your walls. then, you feel a warm liquid pour inside of you, while at the same time cry out from your orgasm.

#anime smut #aot smut #eren smut #aot x poc!reader #aot x reader #aot x black reader #eren x black fem!reader

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