#i probably won't get in but i'll apply anyway
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found an amazing college opportunity where i can do my undergrad in art conservation in florence italy. do i take it.
#i can finally live out my fannibal dreams#and practice my italian more#and really get away from my parents#i'm also closer to türkiye to visit#but on the other hand#italy is kinda nosediving into fascism again#but i'll never have this opportunity again#hmm choices#i probably won't get in but i'll apply anyway
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Oh my gosh whyyyy am I so obsessed with numbers I don't like it at all this is driving me INSANEEEE😭😭IT'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS THE DAYS GO BY AAAA
#IT'S SO WEIRD I HATE IT I HATE IT SO FCKING MUCH#I've had this weird relationship with numbers for years but it's gotten so much worse#I'm so obsessed with even numbers and odd numbers likeeee#I have even days and odd days?? that's what I call them anyways#where on even days everything has to involve even numbers and on odd days everything has to involve odd numbers#like those are my safe numbers for those days#and if I use the wrong number on the wrong day something bad will happen so I have to.I guess?? neutralize it?? somehow..#usually I figure out how in the moment but other times I just panic#likee for example today's an (I'm assuming) even day right now. so I have to have my tv volume on an even number#I have to eat an even number of food today#I CANNOT rb something on tumblr if I'm not on an even numbered reblog or I'm not an even numbered note... that makes no sense lemme explain#so I always have to like posts I reblog it's a rule I have for some reason. so in order for me to reblog a post#I have to land on an even number when I rb it#so for example if a post has 172 notes I'll like it which'll give it 173 notes then I'll rb which'll give it 174 notes#but if the post already has 173 notes before I liked it then I'll just like and not rb bcz if I rb it'll be 175 notes#which lands on an odd number and ahasbdhfbdsfaedw#it's the same for odd days just vice versa (it'd have to be on 177 though bcz 5 is an unsafe number for me rn)#YEAH 100% unsafe numbers for me are 3 5 6 and 9 and any number involving those numbers (so 26 and 13 are still unsafe)#basically no matter if it's an even day or an odd day I cannot land on anything with those numbers#and if I don't follow these rules my brain made up then something awful will happen or my day will go bad#or something I wanna do won't go well#thess numbers apply to EVERYTHING. and and it's SO ANNOYINGGGG. I've been trying to ignore it but it's getting harder and harder HELPPSADNF#I tried to tell my mom abt it but she just says “oh your grandma's also like that. you probably got it from her”#THANKS GRANDMA FOR THE NUMBER OBSESSION :'D#vent
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I'm so nervous about writing an essay for the first time in two years. What if I do horribly 💀
#logically I think it'd be highly unlikely that I would do badly enough to not pass#and this is just one free standing class so the grade I get isn't actually that important#failing would be bad though because it would complicate things with students benefits next time I apply lol#but I don't actually feel much pressure to get an A or anything#but I'm still nervous because it's been a while since I've written academically#and I've always been better at doing in in english than swedish so that's another thing#(probably partially because I have more practice writing in english) (so I guess it's good for me to practice doing it in swedish)#anyways yeah. I've never written an essay that was anywhere close to getting an F#so even if this is higher level and I'm a bit rusty I don't really think it's likely that I'll fail#but I'm still nervous#I also know I won't get started until next week because of the taylor shows but I'll still have 10 days so it should be fine#I mean I'll probably take a look at some stuff tomorrow but yeah#personal
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🌼🐱🥀🪻
#these few days abroad were really good and I probably had the best few days this year#given the fact that it's almost the end of May and I can safely say that this year is worse than the last#but it did not last long and sadly all the positivity vanished one day after coming back#it's even worse but whatever#fantasy world doesn't even help#it makes things worse actually#because it reminds me of things that I don't know if I'll ever have in life#and other stuff#trying to go for a mental health walk but even getting ready is so hard#have to apply more makeup so my face won't show how I'm feeling inside#anyway...#personal
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me puttingon the filters "remote" and "data science major" on this job site from my university and just scrolling thru and applying to a ton that don't need cover letter without reading the qualifications/requirements 😀
#data science major is enough LMAO i'm slightly qualified at least right#if they get back to me i can read/reconsider LOL#bitch has to write a goddamn cover letter at some point tho lmfao#tmrw i'm getting together w my friend who also needs to apply for jobs i'll surely write a cover letter then right for shore#bro there's this unpaid internship that is like pretty fitting for me#but it's fucking unpaid which is so annoying lmfao#didn't realize it was unpaid until today (i saw it like yesterday lmao)#anyway looked at my email and reminded that i have to reply to an email abt a job i actualy have rn lmao 😭#and just didn't do this semester#but i want/need to get back to it#but i've spent the last week rotting and doing absolutely nothing#idk where the motivation to do things is gonna come from LOL but we gotta do it#i gotta put work time like scheduled out in my gcal or smth to make myself actually do it :\#and even then it probably won't rly happen lol#ig i spent the last while lying here clicking apply -> submit resume to all these jobs that don't need anything else LOL#so i'm not completely doing nothing 😀#i also have done a bunch of club stuff 😀 for the club that i am no longer director for but ya know#i need to wash my hairrrrrrrrrr lmao ;-;#jeanne talks
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#rant time#trying to figure myself out but this shit fucking impossible#only recetly i realised that half of my problems is probably undiagnosed adhd#but something tells me it may be asd and adhd together#although adhd traits are much more prominent in my case and looking at asd diagnostic criteria they don't fully apply but AGAIN#it looks to me more like they don't apply because adhd things come in way? like the typical spontaniety fucking question yeah#ughh i wish there was more audhd proper info because i'm going crazy trying to put this all together#i am planning to get adhd diagnosis as soon as i gather money and i could possibly try to get asd too but#a. good fucking luck getting a proper asd diagnosis as an adult trans dude in PL lmao#b. good fucking luck trying to find a place that does crossdiagnosis#well i'll try anyway but until i get a job i'm like. stuck with it in my own head#and as far as i feel like i probably won't get anywherw further with figuring this out on my own i can't. Fucking. Stop. Thinking about it.#my brain decided this is a Main Theme TM now and will make me do the research until we get sure that's It ot that's Not It#i... i'm tired.#not even gonna tag this as personal post because i just wanted to scream into the void thb
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I had Spider-Man 2 mailed to my house when I pre-ordered it and it hasn't arrived yet so I've just been spending my entire day dodging spoilery Youtube thumbnails like Tobey Maguire dodging Green Goblin's razor bats in slo-mo in that one scene.
#honestly i need to stop having games mailed to my house when i pre-order them cause it just makes it stressful to wait for them#like it just makes me nervous that they're just not gonna show up#even though that hasn't happened yet like i did the same thing with jedi survivor and mortal kombat 1 and they both arrived on the day#so like this one shouldn't be any different. ideally.#yet i get nervous about it anyway#i think part of it is these last few weeks in general have been incredibly stressful#two of the jobs i applied for got back to me at around the same time#and i gotta pick which one i wanna go forward with but i don't wanna burn bridges with either of them#so i'm basically just stringing them both along until i can pick one#and i'm still doing the online graphic design course but all the job shit is making it hard to stay caught up with that#AND i got a transaction notification for something i didn't purchase so i had to deactivate my credit card and get a new one#idk who got my credit card information or how or if i can get that money back but hopefully it doesn't happen again#basically i just need this damn game to get here on time so i'll have one less thing stressing me out#also another reason i need to stop having these games mailed to me is they always arrive in the afternoon#abd modern games take fucking forever to download onto the console#so even when you get them on the release day you gotta wait a billion hours to start playing#so when they arrive in the afternoon it basically means they won't finish downloading until well past midnight#so basically you judt gotta let it download overnight while you sleep and start it the next day#so yeah after this i should probably just go back to picking uo pre-orders at the store#especially when i get an apartment i wouldn't want the mail person just setting a $70 game on the floor outside my apartment while i'm gone#shut up tristan
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very close to completely giving up on job hunting i'm so frustrated i just threw myself on my bed sobbing like a disney princess
#this is also my Monthly Cry though so it's probably a combination of that and other things#what the fuck is 'key selection criteria' bitch that's a cover letter!!!!!!!!!!#and formatting the goddamn cover letter is what made me this upset in the FIRST PLACE AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#FUCK WHATEVER I'LL STARVE WHO GIVES A SHIT#I'M NEVER GONNA BE ANYTHING ANYWAY WHO CAAAAAARES#i applied for a volunteer position at a museum and the guy emailed me to schedule an interview but then my response was so stupid#he hasn't emailed me back and i know it's because i sounded like a conceited idiot and i can't even get a volunteer position#because people hate me even in emails they can tell i'm awful i hate this wo much#i'm not even gonna hear back about my postgrad applications for at least another month and i probably won't even get in
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So I'm gonna be so honest I didn't actually get anything productive done over break, so no eta on my next gif pack. Anyway I'm back in my dorm room now and I've missed it so much !!!
#anyway my college blocks my vpn (altho I know ways to work around it) so rip to ok.ru little red note and bilibili i'll miss you#taking 18 credit hours (two of which are psychology classes) and if I get into the honors program when I apply I have to do a project on#top of it this semester so i probably won't have a life outside of meeting my friends for dinner once a week starting next week#gotta try to keep that 4.0 gpa okay! (otherwise my father will berate me about being the family disappointment and I can do better#like this man literally screamed at me for not getting higher than 100 on a test last semester... like oh boy if I could I would I'm#working through my perfectionism in therapy rn please)
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JOB ACHIEVED. FINALLY
#it's only 16-ish hours a week and the pay kinda sucks BUT it's a job and it's a job I can do without killing myself so#$600/month is miles better than $0/month let me tell you#and I'm probably gonna apply for food stamps as well which will help a lot. then I can save a lot more bc I'll have smaller food budget#but god I'm so happy like. $400/month to my parents is going to make such a huge difference#like that'll make up the difference in bills PLUS give us enough extra grocery budget to eat actually good meals#like we've been surviving on mainly canned tuna and white bread and like. very cheap dinners#like the most vegetables we eat is when we have cheesy brocoli rice for dinner rip#I miss when we had curry and pesto pasta and homemade lo mein and stir fry and egg rolls...#we used to have vegetable heavy meals almost every day and now it's just sadness#recently I was craving vegetables so bad I drank a v8. I normally hate that shit but that day it was delicious#(tbc I hate it as a drink but it makes a fantastic ingredient for like. chili and stuff)#anyway all this to say vegetables are on the horizon!!! as are having little treats and stuff!!#also also the vocational rehab place FINALLY called my mom back (apparently the person in charge of returning messages#got fired because they just. weren't doing their job for months 💀)#so my sister is gonna start the process of working with the vocational rehab ppl to get her a job too#which is good bc like. she needs it she really does. she's the kind of person who NEEDS a reason to get out of bed or she just. won't.#and she also hasn't had a job since high school and she only had it for a few weeks before they fired her for a stupid made up reason#(really it was ableism but it was a trash company anyway. glad covid put them out of business. good riddance)#ack these are really long tags sorry but. I'm happy!!!!#shit has been so bad for so long and I finally have a tangible thing I can point to and say look!! it's getting better!!!
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I'm your man, I'm your man, if you're feeling lonely, I'll be the one
The personality of your next lover
☆ How to chose the perfect pile for you?
Close your eyes, take a deep breathe, clear your mind and ask the question in your head "who is my next lover?". And open your eyes, and the image that your eye is drawn to the most is your pile.
☆ Don't miss this month's offer read here ♧♧♧ for more information DM me💕.
☆ Who is this reading for?
Obviously single people but if you are in a place where you broke up I advice you to heal instead of wasting your time on this reading.
☆ Note:
I felt very called to do this reading. And for the spicy one it turned out to be so long that I had to do each pile in a different day. Anyways, also; this reading can be applied on your future spouse or just a future lover.
Enjoy Angels💕
Pile 1 - Aphrodite
Current energy:
Hello pile 1, how are you? I hope you are fine (you can skip the energy check if it didn't resonate with you, I just made it to make sure that the reading will be as accurate as possible).
Okay let's start. First I felt sick all of sudden, some people here are sick and have tonsillitis or cold (take what resonates). I see that the past few days you were trying to find balance in practical matters which led you to abandon your health and you fell ill. I felt suffocated all of sudden you either have a respiratory problem or you are carrying too much emotional burdens on your shoulders which is making you feel weighted down. I see disappointment, and recovery. This pile’s energy is straight forward, like even the Lenormand affirmed your energy that is been told by tarot. I see that some people here are waiting for communication, perhaps a job offer and now you are waiting but something here feels vague. Maybe you don't know if you'll be accepted or not. I see hesitation from your part. Like you are not 100% sure what you want. You are just slowing down and going about your day nothing much. I see that others in this pile have gone through a lot of things, someone here had to stand out in the face of a fire sign female in your family. I see that you put boundaries with her because she just annoyed you. Others here are being manipulated by someone, I see that this person is not saying the whole truth. Or maybe you are the one who is fooling yourself to avoid the transformation. I see that you want to move on and embrace the shift but something is holding you back. It feels like the lyric from Lana's song "I want to leave, probably I'll stay another year" you want the shift but some things here are being hidden from you. Or tbh being ignored by you. I see that if you are waiting for communication you'll likely receive a very positive response but the thing that you aimed for won't come easily. Let's see your placements:
Sagittarius, Virgo, Gemini, Cancer. Saturn, Venus, moon dominant. Your sun or moon in the 9th, 6th, 3rd, 4th house in your chart.
☆ Who?
This person is working in a field that requires collaboration, perhaps working within a community. I don't see that they are super independent in their job; I see that they are a part of something, a project or collaboration. I see also that this person is overthinker, they thinks a lot and tend to be indecisive about their path. I see that they might got into their work as something that one day will be left by them but they got stuck and now this person doesn't want to leave because they are indecisive. This person at first seems very cold, structured and emotionally distant but once they warm up to you they are literally the sweetest baby ever. I see someone that is balanced emotionally. Have you talked to them online? Because what I'm getting is that this person either knows you online OR you'll get to know them online. But I'm getting someone familiar, like you may have came across their account, liked a post or something and they replied to you or the opposite thing happened. I see that this person tend to manipulate others but not for negative or ill intentions, they might do this unintentionally which make others run away from them. This person have a very strong moral code, their morals are as strong as rocks. Also, I see that they are quite fair and balanced. They give off libra energy. This person is very balanced in the way they talk and take action. They'll be very loyal to you and won't cheat on you. I'm getting IXFJ vibe so they might be an INFJ or ISFJ. This relationship might start out as friendship or something platonic and it'll progress into something very peaceful. What really shocking me is how much this person had faced difficulties and all of them are related to their work. So maybe their work environment is hard or they are very uncomfortable in their work? Maybe. Now let's see their placements:
Capricorn, Gemini, Scorpio, Libra. And for a very little group here this person is Aquarius. They might have venus or sun in Scorpio, Gemini placements or dominant in their chart. They might have sun or moon in the 10th, 3rd, 8th, 7th and 11th house.
☆ Appearance?
Okay, I see that this person look very tired or defeated. I see that their posture look droppy. A little hunch in their back but nothing too serious. Their posture just doesn't look very straight. Also, This person is literally or metaphorically have larger-than-life appearance. They might have prominent forehead and sharp eyes or jawline. I see also that they look very childish or younger than their actual age. I see that their smile is very beautiful and they look charming. This person is literally so graceful especially in the way they dress. I see also that they look like a book lover or a nerd. I see that this person is very confident in their physical appearance and is not really into trendy stuff, but I see a hint of showing off their style. They like to show off and brag about what they have which make people very envious of them. This person's hair is weavy or curly. I'm not seeing anything straight to be honest. Their hair is brown with blonde hues to it. This person look stable especially in the way they walk. I see that people just fall for the way they carry themselves. Elegantly; what I'm seeing. This person is very polite, they don't like to raise their voice. Round or soft features with sharp eyes or almond eyes. Their height is average not too tall or short. This person is known by a lot of people, I started smelling onion omg (no its not their scent it may be that they love eating green fresh onion) this is strange lol. Also, they are very fit but not sporty. Someone who work out to stay fit but not overly mascular or yk not typical gym bro/ girl vibe. They may have deep voice? In the case of a male they have a deep satisfying voice. Also, you'll meet this person very soon, they might reach out or communicate with you. That's all I have for you pile 1, I hope you meet them one day💕.
Pile 2 - Venus
Your current energy:
(This is a general energy check; take what resonates and leave what doesn't and if you feel like my energy check doesn't resonates with you then skip to the reading directly. Thank you for reading this note🤍 let's get into it). So, I'm picking up on a couple of energies here. First I see that there's someone here who might have been trying to have a child or have infertility issues, someone here is young and infertile I see that you might indeed succeed to have a baby but you need to stay resilient. Other's here are being so hard on themselves, someone here is trying to be more healthy but they do not know how to start and where. I see also that for the rest of you there's a settle down with a lover or a partner. If you are looking for a sign to settle down with your current partner then that's your sign. I see also that for my single people that love is within reach. I got the cards of love and luck. Someone will be in your life soon and you'll settle with them in a house together. I see also that there's someone here who is being indecisive about a project and you might want to see if the people you are working with are worthy of trust or not. Now, for others there's someone who has a crush on you and you are not even aware of lol. Now let's see your placements: (take it as extra confirmation)
Leo, Taurus, sagittarius, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn. Also we have saturn, Jupiter, Venus, moon dominant in your chart. Sun or moon in the 5th, 2nd, 9th, 4th, 7th, 10th house in your chart. Also, I feel a strong moon in sagittarius, Venus in taurus, Saturn in libra and sun in taurus.
☆Who?
Okay, first thing I'm picking up on is that this person look demanding and confident. Someone with a strong masculine energy; even if this is a girl here; she doesn't fuck around, girl boss vibe and if this is a man, this person is very strong and assertive. I got 3 pages for you so I guess this person is not that old they might be in high school or college. And even if they are not in those then they have a strong young vibe. This person is very curious about you, I see that they might be looking for you. This person's energy is very familiar like you know them. And no this is not an Ex so please get it out of your head. Anyways; you know this person and if you know no one then keep reading about the personality. They are looking for you, If you are not attending classes then they are realizing that you are not there anymore. Idk why I typed the previous paragraph but let's get to their personality. I see that this person may have everything you dream of in a person. This person have a sharp mind and an optimistic personality. They are very smart and rich btw. I see that they have their own business or they are working on their own life right now. Someone who is still young, doesn't have resources and they still take money from their family lol. And if they are not then they just have inherited the money from the family which make them wealthy. Anyways, this person is curious about where did you disappear and want to communicate with you. I see a written letter or text from them, but they are very conflicted whether to send it or not. I see that this person has been very loyal to you and want to work with you and spoil you. I'm not sure about thir intentions but this person is thinking of you sensually. They crave you? Yes they do. Let's get back to their personality (mf each time I try to talk about their personality they bring me back to what they want from you aghhh). Anyways; this person is very demure lol, I keep laughing they are a jester, they like to make fun or things and make people laugh. I felt the urge to laugh about their silliness. This person is silly too and have the best inner jokes. Also, they are quite adventurous and come from a very respected and high class family. Let's get to their placements:
Aries, Aquarius, sagittarius, virgo, Capricorn, Taurus, Pisces. Mars, Saturn, mercury dominant in their chart. 1st, 11th, 9th, 6th, 10th, 2nd, 12th house placements in their chart or their moon and sun is these houses.
☆ Appearance:
We got a lot of cups so, this person has a fair almost pale skin, bluish green eyes, and light brown hair. This person's look might not be what you usually go for in a guy. Also for others here this person has a black weavy hair with tan kissed skin. This person(the first one) is a little overweight but they are in a good health. They might be working out and they have a strong biceps. For the second one their physique is tall and strong, good health but they look so HOT omg. For the first one (the pale guy or girl) they are quite attractive and beautiful. Someone here is hot (the tall, tan person) and the other (pale guy or girl) is attractive and beautiful. There's a note here; you might be feeling disappointed because you haven't met your person yet but the universe want you to know that no matter how far or ambiguous it looks right now it is within reach for you. A soulmate connection, that is within the reach. Thank you for reading and sorry because this one kind of short. Lots of love and peace💕🙏🏼.
Pile 3 - Kiss marks
Your current energy:
Hey pile 3, how are you? I hope you are doing well. Okay let's get into the energy check but first I'll leave a note here *** This is a general energy check so if you feel like none of it resonated with you then skip to the next portion of the reading. And if it did resonate then take it asa confirmation***. I do a tailored readings so feel free to check my Masterlist for this month's offer.
Okay, wow this is a mixed bag here. I see many energies in this pile. People here are trying to work on their self-esteem. Other's are trying to get over a friendship fallout. And someone people here actually dating someone that you meet through friends. I see other's here are thinking about money and how to maximize their earrings which is quite good because it'll happen to you. Also, some people here are doing charity or social work. I see that for thus group within this pile you'll get a gift or a certificate because of your hard work and dedication. Some people here are attached to a long-term relationship that they invested in emotionally while other's are trying to fix that relationship. I see someone here who is attached to someone else and the relationship in a courtship state with a lover I see that people in your family are not approving your relationship with your person. Someone here are trying to heal from a past ex who caused them a lot of pain and confusion. Maybe they were a narcissist that's what the cards are showing me. Okay, another thing I see is that someone here was in a long-term relationship that was so serious but something here was off so you had to break the engagement because the groom or the person who was with you was in fact an abusive person. This person might have afforded material things to you or was financially very comfortable or have money but you broke it with them because their actions was so abusive towards you. Now you are trying to heal and move on with your life. That's what I'm seeing. I hope I didn't trigger anyone with this. I'm so sorry for whoever going through this, you are strong and worthy of good things dear💕.
Placements for you:
Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius. Dominant planets in Venus, Jupiter, Mercury and Mars. Sun or moon in the 1st, 5th, 8th, 3rd, 6th, 11th house in your chart.
☆ Who?
Okay, I see that this person is very chill and fair. They don't like to see injustice or other people bullying or hating on one another. They are very much calm and collected. A little bit extroverted, they have lots of friends but they don't really reveal themselves to other's quickly. They take their time to get to know people. They might had a very difficult period with insomnia but they have healed from it rn. I see that their mental health got better and they went to psychiatrist or healed by themselves. I see that this person tend to ignore their own self to help other people. They are slow and steady, they talk slowly, calmly and they enjoy finer things. They might have father issues, because I see that they had a very difficult father. Their father was strict and sharp. Their father had a tendency to compete with them or compared them constantly to someone else. I see also that you manifested this person lol. I asked how will you meet them, the answer was all of sudden and you'll be the one who manifested them into your life. I see also that you might meet them through a male friend or someone with masculine energy or they will be the one who talk to you. This person is someone you dreamed, prayed and hoped that you meet. I see that this person is someone who had gone through a lot of transformation, especially their social circle. They might used to talk or befriend anyone which affected their mental health and self-esteem terribly. Now their placements:
Libra, Pisces, Gemini, Taurus, virgo, Cancer, Dominant planets in Venus, Jupiter, Mercury, moon. Sun or moon in the 7th, 12th, 3rd, 2nd, 6th, 4th house in their chart.
☆ Physical appearance:
This person might have a calm and reflective nature, with a soft or ethereal appearance, perhaps with pale skin. They could give off a dreamy, mysterious vibe, and there's likely an intellectual edge to their look, maybe wearing glasses or dressing in a more thoughtful, reserved style. Physically, they could be athletic and toned, with a sharp or defined build. They likely have radiant skin, maybe tanned or glowing, and carry an energetic, positive charisma that draws people in. Their presence would be youthful, with a playful and charming demeanor, possibly accentuated by an engaging smile and an easy, carefree attitude. Based on the overall vibe, this person is likely of average to above-average height, as they carry a balanced presence, radiant yet grounded. Their physique would likely be toned and athletic, with a strong build that shows energy and movement. While they might not be overly muscular, they would have a defined, active appearance that reflects both physical and intellectual vitality. Their energy is noticeable, and they might carry themselves with a sense of confidence and vitality that complements their more reflective and intellectual sides.
Pile 4 - Aphrodite smile
Your current energy:
Hello pile 4, I hope you are doing well🤍. I'll put a note here before starting your reading *** This is a general energy check, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Also, if you feel like the energy check doesn't resonate with you skip to the next portion you don't have to continue***.
Okay, I felt like I'm on a cruise, I feel the waves up and down, like this feeling you get when you are on the board of a ship or cruise. But anyways; also this pile is definitely not for singles most of the energies I'm getting are for people who are already in a relationship or at least dating and want to know if the person you are with is serious or not. I got it hon, you want that person but since this is a general reading I have more tailored one for you, check this month's offer and I'll be more than glade to guide you. Okay, I see that you have a strong emotional connection to a romantic partner. This person make your heart beat so fast. I see that this relationship is a harmonious one which is so nice and peaceful but don't let possessiveness and self doubt to destroy the relationship. People within this pile have self destructive tendencies, like you don't believe that something good is going to happen for you which unfortunately sabotage possible romantic connection that might develop with time. I see that you are thinking here of two things 1) to develop and take things seriously + further; to commitment. 2) end things that might be potential for your growth. Please chose wisely, because the person you are with is definitely a soulmate. I don't see any unhealthy patterns here at all (pls use your own discernment this is a general reading). Even the person you are with appears to be confident, have a very high self-esteem and generous. I see that this relationship have endured many challenges but it kept on because you guys are with each other and love one another. Placements for you:
Sagittarius, Gemini, Capricorn, Leo, Cancer, dominant planets in your chart: moon, Mercury, Saturn, jupiter. Your sun or moon in the 9th, 3rd, 10th, 5th, 4th house.
☆Who?
(Note that this reading for my single people and if you are reading it for someone you are already with it might not resonate with you so use your own discernment okay?).
Well, this is someone you don't really want to know. Their energy is not so good actually. I'll guide you to know how you'll prevent this from happening so take this reading as guidance on how to ignore and not take them seriously. Anyways, this person is lazy, have no ambition and doesn't know how to invest long-term. They lack foresight and imagination. They are someone who is chronically lier. They show personality that is not them. There's a car started to peep under my window so take it as a warning, I screamed okay I got it and the peeping stopped so ig those are your spirit guides warning you from them. Let's continue, this person knows how to manipulate others emotionally, they know how to flip tables and probably they'll put you as an option and won't really give you what you hope for. This person has a very poor attitude towards women or females, they like to treat other's as objects. They look at someone but instead of seeing long-term future they see what they can get from you. Don't try to chase them, if they show you poor attitude or manipulation you can turn around and leave. Don't try to prove they are wrong, don't try to prove to them that you are worthy because their brain is not designed to see worthiness. They only see what they can get. Can be harsh and aggressive sometimes, they might even curse or not use safe words at all. How will meet them? I see that you'll be the one who meet them first or a significant female in your life will set you up with them. I see that if the first scenario doesn't happen; you might know them while you are dealing or communicating with someone about stolen things and this person will get in to attempt and help you. That's what I'm seeing. Now for their placements:
Virgo, Taurus, Pisces, Gemini, Cancer, dominant planets in moon, Saturn and Mars. Sun or moon in the 6th, 2nd, 12th, 3rd, 4th house in their chart.
☆ Physical appearance:
Okay I see that this person have soft, striking eyes that draw attention, with a gentle and calm gaze. Their eye color might be light, such as hazel, green, blue, or gray. Their hair is dark, possibly black or deep brown, and smooth in texture sleek, straight, or neatly styled. They are of average to tall height, with a solid and well-proportioned build, perhaps broad-shouldered or sturdy in appearance. Their features are refined, with a sharp, defined jawline or cheekbones, giving them an air of elegance and grace. Overall, they have a balanced combination of strength and refinement, exuding a calm yet engaging presence. That's all I have for you pile 4, take care and be gentle with yourself 💕 and sorry if I triggered you or anything and remember that this is only a possibility in the near future and not something that might definitely happen for you🤍.
Post date:27th of Jan - 2025 Mon
* Feedback is appreciated*
#free divination#free tarot#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot community#divination#divination readings#tarotblr#tarot pac#metaphysical#pick a picture#pick a photo#free pac#love pac#pac
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the cure
&&. mark shows up to your place bleeding red, and red is your least favorite color.
pairing: mark lee x gn!reader
genre: fluff, spiderman!mark & student nurse!reader
warnings: descriptions of injuries, blood, and violence
word count: 1.3k
notes: this was supposed to come out yesterday but i had the worst migraine and literally ended up passing out 😆 its okay though the grind never stops!! this little bit (spiderman + med student) was originally supposed to be longer and it might still be longer form i just cant begin that right now 😓 okay everyone have a good day and dont get a migraine like isa
mark, for some reason, feels guilty.
his guilt manifests in the blood that trickles down his side, the cut digs into his heart, rips it out, and stomps on it. the figurative scars hurt more than the literal one, and though the pain is excruciating, he feels much more disappointed than anything.
jeez that guy did him bad, he didn't know pocket knives could do that much damage, he was just trying to go about his night on that skyscraper, but of course, something had to happen.
since when do robbers carry knives? he probably won't be able to get over that for a while.
but mark doesn't allow for himself to stumble, he doesn't need for things to become worse. though he would usually just go home and try to deal with the cuts himself, he instead brings himself to another apartment, sitting outside on the balcony of a familiar room.
he peaks over, pressing his face against the window. he raises his fist and softly knocks on the glass, alerting the person inside of his presence. you turn around upon hearing the noise, a muted gasp escaping your lips as you rush towards the window to open it.
"mark? oh my god are you— jesus".
mark simply gives a dorky smile, no teeth, and you usher him in, supporting him as he slumps down the moment he enters your room. "is this a bad time?" he manages to ask, biting back his wince as he feels your finger lightly grace the wound on his hip, the blood smearing onto your hand.
"no, it's just.." you pause, collecting yourself as you stare at the crimson belonging to mark. "i'll be right back" you rush towards the bathroom, and mark watches each of you movements.
after washing your hands, you return with a first aid kit and warm wet cloth, mark immediately smiles once he hears your footsteps. "alright, let's bandage you up now" you whisper, again kneeling to mark's level as you examine the cut.
there's a slit in mark's suit where the cut resides, a nauseating gash that makes even you, a nurse in training, grimace. you tilt your head to the side, lips pursued as you focus on bandaging mark up, not wanting for it to get infected.
mark closes his eyes in exhaustion, holding back his winces as you press the wet cloth to his damaged skin, dabbing away the blood. the pain is evident on his face, his expressions much too obvious to be feigned. "hurts huh?"
your boyfriend hums, opening one of his eyes. "yeah" he can't help the frown that graces his lips, a frown you pick up on.
"this isn't the first time right?" you know, of course you know, you can read mark like he's your favorite work of literature. mark never understands how you do it, but he also decides never to question it.
"no" his tongue runs over his teeth, somehow feeling disappointed. he lightly shifts in his position when he feels you apply ointment to the cut, finally allowing that well needed wince to leave his lips. "i didn't mean to hide all my wounds from you i just.. i didn't want you to worry".
you offer a small chuckle. "i worry about you either way, baby".
the petname makes the heat on his face amplify, and he looks down at the floor. "and you don't like red.."
you blink. "what?"
mark begins picking at his nails, embarrassed. "you don't like red, i didn't want to constantly show up all cut and busted up, i just wanted to save you the worry".
your gaze softens, but mark avoids your eyes anyway, somewhat ashamed of the words he just muttered.
knowing your boyfriend is spiderman hasn't really assured any of your worries. before, it was just anxiety about how much work he was putting himself through, and now it was anxiety about literally everything. he could show up on your doorstep or windowsill with wounds all over him, terribly injured, and he'd just.. smile. how could you not worry?
"you don't have to save me anything, i'm here to make sure you're okay" you say, frowning at the whole display before you. "so.. how do i take this off?"
"wow, trying to undress me already?"
you playfully hit mark's shoulder, and he giggles at your resulting expression. still, he points you to the zipper on his suit, and you begin unzipping the spandex so you can reveal his other scars much easier. mark isn't focusing on that, though, he's instead focused on the rip in his very own suit. "fucker put a tear in it".
you let out an amused snicker, but mark's frown doesn't falter. "is that really all you care about?"
your boyfriend shrugs. "well i do care about it, i spent so much time sewing it.."
realizing he was genuinely upset about it, your smile falls, pointer finger trailing down his neck, feeling all of the scars from previous battles. "i'll help you sew it back, okay?" you use your free hand to tilt his chin towards you, and the smile you offer makes him smile.
"you're so gentle" mark lets his head slowly fall onto your shoulder, humming in solace at the feeling of warmth surrounding him. "i should've come to you sooner".
"well you can come to me now" you respond, voice laced with nothing but adoration. "think i can do a better job at patching you up than what you've been doing for all this time.."
you use your free hand to cup mark's face, squishing his cheeks. you chuckle at the display, completely enamored by the sight before you. "i'll take care of you now, you always know where to find me".
mark doesn't respond, worn out from literally everything, but his smile says it all. he again leans against you, and you can feel his heart beating. the sweetness of his smile contrasts the red that still stain his skin, but he no longer minds. "you're too nice to me".
"that's my job".
mark opens his eyes, staring at you for a moment, silent. then, he sits up and places his hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss.
you yelp at the sudden change of mood, but you snicker, and mark feels your smile against his lips. your back just lightly hits your bed, legs coming up as mark's hand holds your jaw, gently keeping you in place as his presses become much more frenzied.
there's a slight whine that comes from you, and mark retreats for air a small while after, hands still holding onto your jaw, his finger beginning to caress your skin. "sorry.." he mutters, his head falling onto your chest.
you let out a silent laugh. "for what?"
mark's arms come to wrap around you, leaving you trapped in your place. "worrying you, it was just—"
you press your pointer finger to his lips, effectively shutting him up. "you don't have to explain it anymore, babe, you're okay, and that's all that matters to me".
if mark's cheeks dust red, he again tries to hide that fact by hiding his face from you. "love you".
the words are small, nothing but a whisper in your expanse of a room, but you hear them loud and clear. his arms circled around your waist leave you with a feeling of warmth, easement that just brightens your night a little bit more.
"i love you too, but you can't fall asleep on me like this".
mark almost lets out a whine, but he just frowns. "at least let me change you into something comfortable, and finish cleaning that other cut".
and though mark doesn't want to let you go, he also can't help but smile at the words.
your favorite color isn't red, it's your least, but when mark bleeds red, that all becomes unnecessary.
you'll be here to patch up all of his red, you're sure of it.
#mark lee#nct#nct 127#nct dream#nct u#mark nct#nct imagines#nct drabbles#nct scenarios#mark lee imagines#mark lee drabbles#mark lee scenarios#mark lee x reader#nct x reader#𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!
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Hello lovely fandom! It’s tiiimmeeeee. I’m so ready for this premiere. This hiatus felt like the longest one yet. Probably cause they weren’t allowed to share literally anything for months and months. While I might still gripe we’re only getting 18 and 20 would’ve been better….I am psyched to be analyzing a new season ❤️
Changing these up to First impressions cause mini and I don’t get along in terms of brevity. Now imma try and be briefer since I’ll be doing a deep dive next summer. Hopefully in our next hiatus. *fingers crossed* The library still a turd for new gifs. So had to make all mine. Also I must have a new angle at my new place. So they came out not how I wanted lol But after a full day of work I was too tired to re-do them all. It's a miracle this is coming out with how tired I am haha Anyways bear with me and hopefully next weeks gifs are better ha Off we go!
7x01 The Shot.
Cool thanks recap. Not like we forgot the breakup that ruined us all…Would like to say someday that won't ruin me to watch, but that's a lie...Love that to leave the lineup for recaps now. Thanks.
It's the little things like them sitting next to each other in the swat car that make me so happy. Not gonna lie I was grinning like a damn fool just seeing them seated together. God I missed them. Straight giddy them working together in the field. It’s where they originated. It’s where they’re going to heal.
I love her directing him in the field. That snap of her fingers and he knows instantly what she needs and follows. That beautiful rhythm only they can achieve. Silent communication at it's finest folks. Mmm loving this. Lucy taking down a dude double her size and Tim coming in to help finish him off. Hot damn I love them in the field. Legit ship crack to me everyone. Look at those beautiful humans in motion above. I can't get enough.
Oooh lord T.O Tim *fans self* Mmm Can’t say haven’t missed him. I'll be real honest. Yum. Thank you Nolan for not undermining him while he sized them up. We would've had words sir. It probably shouldn't delight me watching him tear them apart, and yet here we are with me drooling over him. With zero regrets. Just nice to see him in his element after being knocked out of it last year. I shall enjoy this year for him I can already tell.
Ha! Bingo card hit. That's one square down. ‘Grey guides Lucy with her career.’ Yasss I’m a dork I know but you all knew this ha Grey pulling strings to get her to T.O. "Temp." I’m sure it’ll stick. He see’s what a good teacher and leader she is. Look at him jumping starting this for her. Nudging her in the right direction.
Lucy not being sure....Still battling with that UC identity and detective path. Some left over S6 bleh hanging around. I think Grey is setting her path and she has no idea how ‘not temporary’ this will be. At least IMO. I see her excelling at this and wanting to stay at it. Plus like Grey said it’ll strengthen her position should detective come back up. Also like to list the reasons why I think this will be good for her.
One it'll rebuild her confidence. Something we all know was shattered and then run over by s6. Second it'll give her a new purpose and clarity for her career. (Which is also a bingo square for me. Yes I'll be tallying mine all year lol) Now she has to accept being a FT one for it to apply but I think it will. Lastly it'll get rid of the pesky 'Chain of Command' issue for them later on. Because we don't want that again.
Tim enters the chat and he is a most welcome addition. The mini banter about her training. I'm here for it and I love love love it. Look at the flirty smirks on these idiots. Like breathing fresh air once again. The small smirks have me reeling. Gimme. Grey although has no time for this LOL Ushering their asses out. Just happy they can breathe the same air again and not have it be nuclear.
Then the real banter begins. I’ve missed them so much. I wanna cry. Tim instantly offering to give her tips. Is this one of his small doses? Possibly I think he would’ve offered this as an olive branch either way tbh. But I love seeing how eager he is to bond with her over this. Lucy’s so cute with her ‘ My rookie.’ Girl you’re gonna wanna stay a T.O. I already see it.
Lucy of course has her sassy answer locked and loaded for him. He answers right back. Goodness their banter is top tier. And woo another bingo card for me. Well this was not in my official bingo card. BUT I did say how if she ended up as a T.O. this season this would happen. In my 6x08 review said they would end up doing a bet over who trains a better rookie. And here we are. I'm enjoying my spoils and grinning like a happy fool. Which is nice after spending the second half of s6 being emotionally spent and destroyed.
Oh Lucy, like you could ever walk way from your man about a competitive bet of all things. This is how they’re gonna heal my friends. Going back to the beginning. To their roots. Where this rock solid bond was started. In the field. Along with some banter and fiery competition thrown in. This new dynamic has me so giddy I can’t even contain myself.
You can see how excited Tim is she’s going to be a T.O. With him. Flirting with her by offering this up. Moth to a flame with her in general. But this? Man is raring to go. Being a T.O and competition with his girl? He is beaming with excitement. Also probably knows this is a good way to further his cause of mending fences.
The goading of her oh my lord. It’s s4 all over again and I’m here for it. Except Tim is far more aware he’s in love with this woman. The straight teasing and flirting in front of the entire station. Welcome back. Oh my word I love sfm. His telling smirk is amazing. Reeling her back in slowly LOL
Nolan actually ignites more flirty flirts for them when he tells them about the ringer. Because classic John can't shut his yapper. I’ve truly missed this high grade goodness though. Lucy accusing him of hustling her haha Tim deescalates her like only he can with his strong logic. Saying it's actually harder that he has previous experience. He’s not wrong. First thing I thought about him when they said he had experience…Poor Seth called a virgin lmao
The rookies get assigned and we get jealous/protective Tim. Welcome back to our screens. You've been missed. *grabs ice water* This premiere is trying to kill me in the best way. I was here for the show. You tell that cocky little boy babe. I think someone else had one of the rookies flirts with Lucy in their bingo card. So you get that square ha The balls to do that in front of Tim. This kid has a death wish on wheels.
Ovary explosion at the way he barked at him though. Man is making me thirsty af. Also this kid is not a ringer in the least. I know what it’s like to de-program someone. It’s not easy. When I would get someone from another team (and terrible manager btw) I would spend the first 30 days just getting rid of the bad habits before I could begin to mold them. So ringer he is not....Lucy has a better shot with fresh meat tbh. Seth is far more impressionable. Hence her finishing line above.
Tim TEARS Texas a new one. Was kind of hoping he would. Nothing like a solid Tim T.O. rant. This kid needed it holy cow. Too damn cocky for a rookie even with experience. Makes it worse. Get em Tim! I’m enjoying this far too much. Haha Mmm. Sidelines his ass as he should. Maybe he can rejoin when his ego is in check.
This scene had me cackling. First off look at them both with crossed arms. I'm dying. Also Lying liars who lie LOL Both struggling a little bit with their rookies. It’s hilarious. Can’t ever admit fault of course. Very s4 vibes going on here I love it sfm.
Friggin Nolan has to be include himself...Listen John they checked the guest list for this work flirt convo. You're not on it sir. So needy this one. He actually didn't bug me much at all in this one. Probably the lack of Bailey....
Tim’s final T.O scene has me drooling holy hell. The jacket, the stern taking to, and telling them to suck less? I’m dying hahaha I loved how this was shot. Seeing the faces as Tim grills them both. Putting them in place. I love it sfm I'm so VERY excited for this season for him. If this was our look into it I am ready for more.
Oh my word, this final scene of theirs. If you don’t feel giddy, and a sense of promise for reconciliation from this interaction, I can't help you. LOL. I mean that in the nicest way haha I really do. The subtext running through this scene like a bullet train of hope. The moment begins with puppy dog Tim. Let’s take a second to contrast how he just was with the rookies earlier. To seeing his girl in the parking lot. That's the Lucy Chen effect.
That man is walking on air, and beaming his best ‘Lucy’ smile as he approaches her car, looking like a damn snack I wanna devour. I adore the swapping of stories. Giving each other shit but staying confident in their abilities to right their rookies ships as it were. Lucy saying ‘Tomorrow is another day.’ With Tim’s hopeful ‘Yes it is.’ Got me all in my damn feels. To me it’s a positive setup for the entire season. The low key flirty vibes here are glorious first and foremost. Second the flirting inside the promise with those two lines has me reeling.
The smiles they both convey just shows our babies are healing. Lucy is healing. She isn’t holding back with the positivity and flirting right back. There is this underlying UST too. But the most beautiful part is their talk about 'Tomorrow'. Tomorrow is another day for them to get one step closer to being who they once were. Only stronger. Tim’s 'Yes it is.' Is everything. His tone of voice, how he’s looking at her, and that determination to make something out of every day he gets with her. Driven to make tomorrow a day he inches one step closer to the promise he made in the elevator in 6x10. Oooh lord I’m excited for this season.
I said couple days ago how amped I was for this new dynamic. Them being T.O’s together and finding their way back in this fashion. It’s a fantastic and true to them way to do it. Couldn’t be more excited. The LOOKS everyone my god. The way he is pining after her. Doesn’t tear eyes away for a second as she pulls off. And our girl checks the mirror not once but TWICE.
Making eyes right back at him. This scene should excite the hell out of you. I’m scaling the walls right now haha This is as a very very promising opening episode for them. Little more proof they're going to make their way back. Won't be right away but it's coming. This is what I was longing for when we left off all those months ago.
For them to be in a better place to even start this healing. I’m so ready for this journey. I really am. Trusting the writers to do this at the right pace. So when it does happen and it will. We’re gonna be on cloud 9 x1000 Ooof lord that was good. They know how to close out an ep our ship. Watched promo for next ep. I’m vibrating with excitement.
The UST I feel from that little clip is the beauty of Eric and Melissa. This season gonna be incredible i feel it deep in my soul baha Now I’m excited we don’t have a break now that we’re here. As always thank you thank you thank you. To any and all who comments(love me to chat don’t be shy wanna theorize with you all) , like or reblog these. You have no idea how much it means to me. Also proud of myself for keeping this brief ish for me lol Below is my side notes feel free to comment on anything said in this or below till next week my lovely fandom :)
~~
Side notes non Chenford
No Bailey in a the premiere was already staring off with a win for me. Sorry Jenna but ya know lol sorta not….really…
Lieutenant Grey! So happy for him. Solid reasoning why he got it. Sucks he feels bad but I'm glad for him.
Lots of action off the bat hot damn. They said we'd have more and I loved it
Oooh loving Wes being assumed to the station. Welcome sir. Happy to have you and more Wopez moments to come.
Aaron went to north Hollywood someone had to lol Makes sense he would leave due to Blair. Also leaves the door open for him to return someday. Which makes my heart happy.
Poor Wes has to hear the recording of a man wanting to do things to his wife lol oh my lord. He’s legit having a meltdown about it hahah I sense some trouble for Wopez. Should be interesting season for them.
#Caitlin's First Impressions#chenford#the rookie 7x01#7x01 The Shot#the rookie#tim x lucy#lucy chen#tim bradford#s7#eric winter#melissa oneil#otp: doing my job
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constellations (literal d word (dad) matty x reader fluff)
you have an eight year old who loves space. let's redecorate her bedroom! promptober day 18. enjoy <3
you're applying your moisturiser when matty pads back into the bedroom; he drops a kiss to the top of your head, and you smile. “babies asleep?”
“yeah. alex took a while to get there… oi, stop that!” he grumbles when you stand, smearing the excess lotion from the back of your hand across his face.
“what? it's cold outside. it dries your skin out. you needed that,” you softly kiss his neck, wrapping your arms around his waist. “anyway, you were saying al took a while to fall asleep?”
“not ages. but we had to do two stories.”
you squint at your husband. “what was the first one?”
“llama llama red pyjama.”
“did you do the voices? and the noises?”
“obviously, babe.”
“matty,” you groan into his shoulder. “of course he took ages to fall asleep, you got him all hyped up.”
he sighs. “can't help it. i just love the sound of his laugh,” he hugs you tighter. “same as yours, you know.”
“thank god he got something from me.”
matty giggles, pulling back to kiss you quickly. “stop pouting,” he pulls his t-shirt over his head, and suddenly you're more than willing to listen to everything he says. “they both got your brains, darling. actually, lyla was just- oh,” he smirks when you remove your dressing gown, body bare aside from a black thong. “hi.”
rolling your eyes, you reach for the t-shirt he just discarded and pull it over your own head, before climbing into bed and burrowing under the covers; it doesn't stop him from giving you the eyes, though. but you won't be swayed. “you were saying?”
“hmmm? oh, yeah. our daughter,” matty kicks his sweatpants off - you glare at him as he does, and he rolls his eyes and neatly folds them - and climbs in beside you. almost instinctively, you move to lie on his chest, kissing his tattoo softly before turning your head to look up at your husband. he smiles adoringly down at you, gently stroking your hair. “she's so fucking smart. you know how they're learning about space at school?”
“mhmm.”
“she listed all the planets to me and all the moons of neptune. in descending order of how close they were to the planet,” matty shakes his head. “she's eight.”
you smile. “our genius girl.”
“she's gonna ask you about stars and constellations tomorrow, by the way.”
“me? why?”
“because she asked me and i said i didn't know anything, and then she did that thinking face where she really, really looks like you and said ‘i'll talk to mum about it. she'll know.’”
“what gave her that idea?”
“dunno. maybe your tattoos,” he runs his arm over the three tiny constellations inked on your upper arm, representing his and both your babies’ star signs. “or maybe she just thinks i'm an idiot.”
you smirk. “probably that.”
“oh, shut up,” he goes to flick your nose, but you catch his index finger gently between your teeth before he can; because you can't help yourself, you wrap your lips around the digit, and matty’s pupils dilate. “don't start something you won't finish, princess.”
okay, maybe you will be swayed.
looking doe-eyed at your husband, you release his finger with an audible pop, shuffling to sit properly on his lap. “if you finish inside me, does it count?”
“fuck,” matty groans; suddenly, you're underneath him, your neck being attacked by kisses. “think you can keep quiet enough?”
“yes, daddy.”
“good girl.”
***
“well, that's not right.”
matty grits his teeth, holding onto the top of the ladder and looking down at his daughter, whose curly head is buried in an astronomy book from the local library that's almost as big as she is. “again?”
you peer over lyla's head, looking at the page and the bedroom ceiling and back to the page again. “not right at all.”
“fantastic,” he wipes the sweat from his forehead. “which star is the most wrong?”
lyla shoves her glasses up her nose and opens her mouth; matty cuts her off. “i don't know their official names, remember - is it the big one that's the issue, or the smaller ones?”
she tilts her head in a way so reminiscent of matty that you have to bite back a giggle. “that little one to your left, dad.”
“‘kay. and where should it be?”
“further left, and down. like, a little bit down. not too much.”
he nods, carefully peeling the adhesive stars from the ceiling and rearranging them as per lyla's instructions. “alex?”
your son looks up from his comic book. “yeah, dad?”
“go and look at your sister’s book and tell me if this looks right. i need an objective opinion.”
he obliges, carefully placing his book on the bed before wandering over. you roll your eyes. “really, matthew?”
“yes, really,” matty twists, face screwing into a grimace as he stretches the twinge-y muscle in his back. “you girls are perfectionists. al keeps it real,” at that, lyla scowls up at her dad, and he backtracks immediately, face softening. “and that's not a bad thing, munchkin, not at all. it's just… well, there are limits to how accurate we can get everything in here, yeah? sometimes we have to compromise our artistic vision. s'just a sad fact of life.”
you scoff. “and when have you ever compromised on your artistic vision?”
“when you've told me to.”
“alright, i'll give you that one,” you raise your eyebrows, nodding slowly. “so, al - has dad got this one right?”
“hmm,” alex frowns at the page, his brows creasing cutely just like his dad's, then scrutinises the ceiling; his face drops into placidity, and he nods. “i think so.”
“thanks, mate,” matty reaches down to ruffle your son's curly head (only wincing slightly on the way back up), before sighing and smiling sheepishly at your daughter. “lyla? what are your thoughts, darling?”
she readjusts her glasses, and the rest of you wait with baited breath; there's a collective exhale when she grins. “looks good, dad. thanks.”
he beams. “you're welcome, munchkin. now,” he steps a rung down the ladder. “lunchtime?”
you shake your head. “there's still one more, babe.”
“god, really?” matty sighs, pressing his head into the handle at the top of the ladder. “feels like we've been doing this for hours.”
“well, what's one more, then? come on,” you gently tap his denim-covered ass, at which the kids giggle. “you did agree to this, matty.”
“yeah, when i wasn't of sound mind.”
(read: the morning after your late-night lovemaking session a couple of nights ago, the ending of which left your husband extremely chipper and thus agreeable to your suggestion that he stick glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of your space-daft daughter's room.)
you smirk. “some would argue that's the most sound a mind can be. a certain… clarity to it, no?”
matty shoots you a familiar look, a wordless warning that you're at risk of pushing it too far and getting into trouble if you don't stop now, and you can't deny that it's thrilling; not even a second later, he's switching back into dad mode, gentle and pragmatic with your babies in a way that's almost as sexy as the dominant look you just got. “alright. what is the final constellation, then?”
“s'my birthday one,” lyla beams, moving to snuggle into you. “me and mummy are gonna match!”
“oh,” matty's eyes and voice are as tender as you've ever known them to be - the sweet smile he follows with is even more so. “m'sorry for complaining, darlings, this is very important. alex, would you pass me the… yes, thank you, munchkin,” the final set of stars in hand, he beams at you again. “i reckon i can do this one without guidance, i think. can i try?”
you nod, smiling just as tenderly as your husband. “of course.”
and he does, perfectly placing the stars on the ceiling in the pattern he's known by heart for the past seven years, the pattern he watched you get permanently etched onto your arm while he held the tiny baby girl it was dedicated to. unlike last time, she's awake and alert enough to watch the pattern form, looking up at the ceiling and her father with a beaming smile on her adorable face and her arm around her little brother; something about it all has tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, total love for your family and gratitude for how wonderful your life is both threatening to overwhelm you.
matty seems to notice - when he's finished the constellations, and safely on solid ground again, one of his arms finds its way around your waist and his lips meet your temple. “love you, darling,” he murmurs, as you watch your kids look awestruck at the stars above them. “thank you.”
“for what?”
he nods towards lyla and alex. “them. convincing me to do this. our life, really,” he squeezes your waist. “s'perfect.”
you sniffle. “so are the constellations. really, matty,” you kiss his shoulder. “they're amazing, baby. i love them. and you, of course!”
matty giggles. “kids?” he calls; two little curly heads bounce over to you in response. “what do we think of the stars, then?”
alex is enthusiastic, hair all but flipping as he nods. “they're so cool!”
lyla's a bit more measured in her response, but her excitement shines through in the way she throws herself at matty to hug him. “i love them, dad. thank you,” she giggles when he kisses her cheek, reaching for you so she can coordinate a group hug. “we match now, mum.”
“we do, darling, you're right,” you hug your kids in tighter. “i love you, my babies. you too, matty.”
“i love you, too,” he laughs. “can we genuinely get lunch now, though? m'starving. that was hard work, that.”
you laugh softly. “yeah. go on, babies, go and get a fruit shoot,” they oblige, and once they're safely out of earshot you wrap your arms around matty's shoulders. “for all the effort you put in today… you can eat me before we go to sleep tonight, if you want.”
he hums happily, leaning down to kiss you until you're dizzy. “never wanted anything more.”
#mads muses#mads does writing#d word matty#literal d word#lyla#alex#matty healy fanfic#matty healy fanfiction#matty healy fic#matty healy fluff#matty healy x reader#matty x reader#promptober75
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Hello. I just saw your post about your manifestation journey while struggling with depression and I’ll probably just be another rant about “how difficult it is to manifest”, but honestly I just want to talk a little bit.
I’m at work right now. I’m a trainee in a law office and my relationship with my boss is deteriorating gradually.
While I was at school, I would always think that I would be happier at a job, because I like to feel useful and competent. But now that I have a job, I just feel miserable.
I already received complaints twice about “being distracted” and “not doing my best”, which came as shocking because I’ve been doing my best. I have two bosses and while one looks like she really appreciates me, the other one might be the contrary.
I always fails to do what she wants me to do.
So I have been having really tiresome dreams. I had one where they asked me to type a document and after a while it turns out it was a “you are fired document” and asked me to sigh it.
They laughed and said that “I wasn’t doing enough” and “I wasn’t attending my classes at college” which I WAS but it didn’t matter.
I actually can’t imagine my life better. It’s like my mind just blocks it from me. I feel like I can’t delude myself even if that’s what I want the most.
I really want to just escape and live happily but I just feel trapped and miserable. I think I can predict what you are going to advice me but…I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared.
this is actually kind of relatable. i've felt similarly at many points in my life, i struggled to function, i thought external things would make me happy, applying the law was difficult. i couldn't imagine my life any better either. i understand where this is coming from, i'll try to give less generic advice, but i'm going to be brutally honest, and, this still won't be anything special. its important to remember that regardless of what i say here, manifestation is still just assuming you have your desire and persisting in that fact.
anyways, it honestly gets to a point where you have to realize that you're just wasting your time feeling trapped and scared. you're doing yourself a disservice. no one and nothing can save you, nor is anything or anyone going to. as unfortunate as your circumstances are, you have to do it yourself.
you have to take what you want and prioritize that above how you feel, anyone's made you feel, and how anyone feels about you. your life is meant to revolve around you and no one else. its YOUR life for a reason.
you SHOULD NOT waste the best years of your life being miserable, feeling like a failure, like a victim, like you can't change, like you're trapped like this forever when that's completely illogical. everyone and everything changes. people change in age, appearance, personality, sexuality, preferences, etc. it's physically impossible to be incapable of change unless you're not alive. people change all the time.
you genuinely do not have the time to be so self loathing and miserable, not when you're going to literally grow old one day. and according to those who've made it there already, that day comes fast. do you want to look back at your life at 80 and see what you wasted it doing? when all this information was right in your face? when all you had to do was take a chance and have some faith in yourself?
changing yourself isn't impossible, you're just too scared to assume anything good about yourself, perhaps because you've gotten so used to being miserable. "changing yourself", by the way, just so we're clear, simply means to assume something new about yourself. for example, you already believe you are a failure, and to change would be to simply assume you're successful. that's quite literally it. you just believe in something without physical proof, that's assuming. we assume all the time. you're just assuming about yourself now. the law is extremely simple to utilize, but it's the simplicity that leads to people overcomplicating it themselves.
also, delusion is, by definition, a false belief that is resistant to change, even when presented with evidence that it is not true. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that is taken as true without proof or evidence. you need to realize the difference here. we are telling you to assume, not to delude yourself. we are promising you that the "proof" comes after you've fully accepted it as true. we're not telling you to actively deny something despite accepting it as true. what would be the point in that? if we're telling you that your assumptions, aka the things you believe to be true without proof manifest, why would we tell you to continue to accept something you don't want as true? does that make sense?
being delusional and making an assumption may seem similar in theory, but in practice, they are completely different. one is literally the result of a mental illness, the other is a very normal, very human behavior that we do every day. we make assumptions about ourselves, people, and situations. all. the. time. it seems like it's only a problem and called "delusional" when it's about yourself, and it's something good.
it's like being confident in yourself, believing in your abilities despite what others have to say about you. for example, you have a great confidence in a talent or skill, and the you believe that you will get better as you get older/more experienced/more knowledgeable, and you'll make it places and have great opportunities in the future. let's say some random person decides to insult you and say that you'll never make it anywhere in life. would it be "delusional" to not listen to them? to not let someone else dictate your future? or would that simply be having some faith in yourself and not letting others define you?
this is literally all we're telling you to do, believe in yourself even if your reality seems to be against you. don't fight it, just accept that the unfavorable isn't true and move on. continue to believe in yourself.
and besides, if any person successful to date operated with that "i don't see it so it's not true" mindset, they wouldn't have become successful, would they? would anyone accumulate any kind of success with a mindset like that? the people who have came from nothing and made it to where they were now, had an unwavering confidence in their abilities and the fact that they'd be something one day. despite what anyone's told them, or tried to project onto them, it didn't get through to their unwavering sense of self.
the point is, we are promising you something. all it takes is for you to have some confidence in yourself. to quit hurting yourself. is that so hard?
anyways, the point of manifesting is when you change yourself, the things in your external reality change.
assuming is easy. believing things to be true without proof is easy. you just have to get comfortable with the fact that you need to change before anything changes externally. again, instead of believing you are a failure, that you are trapped, you simply assume you are successful, and you are not trapped.
people also change their minds all the time, they grow to have a different opinion, they realize they were wrong, they want to give something else a chance, or without a reason, they simply change their mind. these things are not impossible, they happen all the time.
i'm saying this to say that manifesting isn't being delusional. to be delusional is feeling stuck and like things can't change, when they so clearly do, all the damn time. you're not special enough for the concept of change to not apply to you. for instance, you are certainly not the same person you were when you were 6 compared to however old you are right now. you changed, therefore you are capable of changing, and i proved it to you with that simple example.
you only feel stuck because you decided you are, you decided that you'll never be unstuck, and so you haven't been. the law is working, just not in your favor. everything you see in your reality right now, perfectly matches whatever you've assumed to be true. that is not a coincidence. it's important to remember that the law isn't a thing with feelings, it does not care about you or your situation. all it does is continue to operate. it's up to you to use the law's indifference to your advantage.
also, you seem to have a victim mindset. it's very obvious in the way that you try to explain yourself, that you were doing as you were supposed to, but it still 'didn't matter'. you're putting so many things (your job, your bosses, proving yourself) on a pedestal, over what really matters, which is yourself. do you even like your job? did you pursue something you were passionate about? because if not, then you have no business subjecting yourself to any kind of mistreatment, not when you didn't even want to be there in the first place. you should be putting yourself and your desires before even thinking about pleasing anyone or meeting any kind of requirement.
your own standards and requirements should come first. remember : you chose to work for them. you have a choice. you also need to remember that your bosses and colleagues are regular people. outside of work (and in the workplace if we're being honest) they have no kind of power over you. you shouldn't be letting such irrelevant people in your life have the power to instill so much fear in you, to the point where you're having literal nightmares.. about typing a document incorrectly.
also, about feeling useful and competent, that's something you have to decide about yourself. are you useful? are you competent? do you honestly feel this way about yourself? definitely not, which is why you're seeking validation from others. but at the same time, it is what's made you so miserable, because you're definitely not getting that validation. and any you get only gives you a short lived feeling of satisfaction. your opinion on yourself matters more than what anyone has to say. that's literally why confidence and insecurity exist. and either way, you still feel a certain way about yourself that outweighs anything anyone has to say about you.
here's another example, let's say you've been insecure about your looks from a young age. if one day, someone randomly tells you you're beautiful or they think you're pretty, is all the insecurity you've felt for years suddenly going to go away? or will your mind find reasons to reinforce the fact that you don't feel beautiful? and if someone confirmed your insecurities, saying you weren't their type, they didn't find you attractive, wouldn't you just justify that reaction in your mind since you feel that way about yourself already?
with that in mind, how much does anyone's words really matter? do the words of others honestly have any significance when they aren't reinforcing something you already believe about yourself?
your reality works in a similar way. whatever you decide to assume/ accept as true/ shift your awareness to/ decide is true/ feel is certain, your reality will reflect. as well as a bunch of reasons to continue believing whatever it is is true. the law is very indifferent and has no bounds. it does not care about your feelings, your specific circumstances, and so on. that's why i'm telling you, you only feel these ways and experience the things you do, because you decided you were. this goes for being miserable, being stuck, feeling useless, feeling incompetent and living in fear. there are no exceptions.
so, with all that said, what do i suggest? first off, you need to practice being secure in yourself. work on being confident in yourself first, then work on your self concept. i say "confidence" as in feeling secure in yourself within the 3d. so, your looks, your body, your social skills, your physical skills, etc. because "self concept" has to do with having confidence in your manifestation abilities. find a helpful method that works for you, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, rampaging, or just simply deciding something new about yourself and accepting it.
self confidence has to do with things like liking yourself, being your own validation, having optimistic thoughts about yourself, and self efficiency. you can't care about what others think, you have to put yourself first, and you can't let anyone dictate your future. be selfish. the only thing that should matter is you and how something makes you feel. nothing bad comes from putting yourself first and not worrying about others.
once you feel confident in yourself, or even while working on your confidence, practice using the law. you could start by manifesting something small, something specific that would prove to you that you can manifest, then work your way up. manifest bigger things or just a large quantity of things, just to prove to yourself that there aren't any limits. remember, manifesting is just assuming: believing something to be true without proof. i mean that in the most literal, simplest way possible. like the example of success i used earlier.
once you've proven to yourself that manifestation is indeed real, play around with it. also, work on your self concept. decide that things always go well for you, that you deserve good things, you're the creator of your reality, learn to mentally reject unfavorable things in the 3d, and so on. this is what i would do if i were you.
i know this was kind of long, but i hope you understand my words and find them useful. feel free to dm me or send another ask if you have anymore questions. 🩶
#success story#law of assumption#loa#self improvement#loa success#loa blog#loa tumblr#loassumption#edward art#neville goddard#loass post#loassblr#loassblog#loass states#loablr#loa assumptions#loa advice#loa states#loa motivation#loa manifesting#loa community#loa help#loa tips#law of manifestation#law of assumption tumblr#law of assumption motivation#law of assumption blog#angie's asks
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Sooo, I have a thought from an ask i saw about yandere beasts towards the ancients...
What if the Beasts became yandere towards YOU instead?
Although, the Ancients have the same feeling too, which may lead to high tensions in the air.
What would YOU in that scenario?
-A Self-Aware/Yandere lover Anon
Wait, me? Me specifically? Merchant? The person answering this ask? That's certainly an interesting thought...
If the Beasts became yanderes towards me, then I would fucking panic lol. I don't condone this kind of behavior irl, it's fun to write fictional crazy people but nobody wants to endure ACTUAL crazy people. Stalkers are sick and dangerous and need to be put away, and it's a damn shame it's not taken seriously by law enforcement anywhere (not until it escalates to violence, anyway, unfortunately)
With that said, let's terrorize Merchant for a little bit
IF THE BEASTS ARE STILL JUST COOKIES:
Step on them immediately, they're like 3 inches tall wait, would that work? They have powers and are crazy strong. What can they actually do against humans? Would stepping on them just break my fucking foot?
Send my dog after them no wait, I don't want them to hurt my dog. I love my dog very much. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him. I'd never forgive myself if I let him try to eat them and he just got turned into flour or something
Pour milk on them ONE OF THEM IS MADE OF MILK ALREADY GODDAMN IT
Hide the box of cookies I like to get from the store, because they probably wouldn't appreciate the fact that I love to eat cookies (they're just like this 🍪 but still)
Try to trap them in the fridge momentarily, hope they don't destroy my nice fridge
Make a deal where they are allowed to live in and explore my house provided they damage nothing and hurt no one
Give them head scratches (especially Spice, his head looks Very Scratchable)
Give them tiny little kisses if they behave themselves (however, if I give one a kiss, I have to give them ALL kisses, or else the other 4 will retaliate against me out of jealousy)
I will also allow them to sit on my shoulders if they behave themselves and don't try to yank on my hair or my ears or something
Wait, do cookies know what sex is? Are they capable of sexual feelings? If so, how do they deal with them? Do they have the... equipment for that? WHAT IF THEY TRY TO HUMP MY FINGERS OR SOMETHING OH GOD-
Contact federal authorities and hope that they believe me when I say superpowered talking cookies are in my house, so they can come take them away and perhaps experiment on them
Probably never sleep again because there's a batch of little satanic cookies in my house that all want to fuck me for some reason (I'm ugly and a normie, wtf did I do to deserve this 💀)
IF THE BEASTS ARE HUMAN:
immediate death
panic x10000000000
I hc Spice as being at least 6'5''/198cm and 200+/90+ lbs/kg so I'm cooked 7 ways to Sunday just with him
Seriously I'm just a short nerd irl. Assuming they still have their powers, my life is literally over
Do everything in my power to convince them all my loved ones are dead so they don't go harm them out of jealousy (ESPECIALLY my SO, God have mercy, I'll probably have to tell him to go hide in his home country for a while)
Try to barricade myself in a church, hope that the "demons cannot set foot on hallowed ground/in God's house" rule applies to them, beg God to save my sorry ass while they try to break in and drag me back out
Can't call the cops because A) stalking and harassment are not taken seriously by police, B) they won't believe me when I say that 5 supervillains are trying to kidnap and marry me, C) by the time they realize I'm telling the truth, they will already have been hanged/put into a coma/beheaded/turned to flour/cut up into salt cubes
I actually only like men irl so I am in deep trouble with Flour and Sugar especially
Try to flee the country (probably won't work but I'll try anyway and hope they don't get too mad about it), hide out in the Yukon or some bumfuck nowhere village in Russia, I'd rather face a polar bear than these guys
Probably still be forced to let them live in my house in exchange for peace and obedience
...I don't know if tiny head scratches and kisses would cover it this time
Hope that they're all possessive enough to only harass me one at a time, instead of... more than one at a time, because that counts as sharing and yanderes don't really like doing that
Try to pit them against each other constantly. If they're too focused on arguing about who I belong to or whatever, then they can't focus on tormenting me
Would like to try to stab or shoot them but idk if conventional weaponry works on them at all
If I HAD TO pick one to say yes to, it would be Burning Spice. He is sexy af. Then, hopefully, I can weaponize this and get him to defend me from the others
IF THE ANCIENTS LIKED ME TOO, BUT WERE NORMAL:
Yay, sanity. I'll tell them to PLEASE get the Beasts away from me. They can sort out whatever they feel towards me later, we've got a bigger problem on our hands than that
COOKIES: I will keep them safe in my house under the same conditions as the Beasts: behave and do not harm anyone or anything
HUMANS: Look, can I just... send them back? How did any of these guys get here, anyway? Can I please just shove them back through the portal or whatever they used to get here? Even if I wasn't taken, I don't think I'd have the strength or patience to put up with anyone's shit. Can we just be friends? I'd love to be friends. I need a mom friend like Hollyberry in my life
If necessary, I am picking Dark Cacao. Seriously, I love my big, strong men. Merchant is a basic bitch at heart lol
IF THE ANCIENTS WERE YANDERES TOO:
Are you fucking kidding me
Am still picking Cacao, fuck all of you
#cookie run kingdom#burning spice cookie#golden cheese cookie#shadow milk cookie#silent salt cookie#hollyberry cookie#dark cacao cookie#mystic flour cookie#eternal sugar cookie#white lily cookie#pure vanilla cookie#yandere beasts
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