#i probably have a reasonably solid background for that one i just don't have the topic-specific knowledge

[finnlongman]

In the past two weeks I've been asked to review a book that is completely outside of my area of expertise, and to act as a second reader for an article that, while slightly more related to my interests, is nevertheless probably beyond my ability to evaluate.

I am <1 month into my PhD and people are already treating me like a Real Academic. Why? Do they not know I'm baby?

[bountycancelled]

house of cards (a challengers au)

requested: no, but send challengers reqs I BEG !

warnings: none :)

content: tension I guess? readers kind of a go with the flow typa gyal, but the flow is sometimes manipulative and evil so... tashi and art both play (different games but they still play) patrick is a loser, but he's my loser so it's okay lowercase intended, unedited.

a/n: back after like a half year hiatus, and im on my challengers bullshit, hope you enjoy this cuz I wrote in a day lol

¤

¤

"you know, sometimes it feels like you hate me." the words leave your lips before you can stop them, coming out of your mouth with the kind of instantaneous honesty you learnt during your many years around tashi. admiring her, envying her, loving her, and hating her all the same.

she raises an amused brow, the sides of her mouth quirking up in a half smile. she probably thinks it's funny, your train of thought. you're in her dorm right now, laying on her bed with your head rested against her shoulder while some episode of some show serves as background noise. and yet, you seem unsure that she even wants you here.

but the one thing you can count on tashi to know, is what she wants. so if she's sure that she doesn't hate you, you should be too. "I don't hate you. I love you, more than usual, honestly."

that shouldn't make your stomach flip in the way it does, but you've always been a little like a hungry dog waiting to be thrown a bone when it came to affection, from anyone really (a problem that you thought you were working on effectively, you weren't.) but mostly tashi, who's affection was about as rare as the sight of her not playing tennis. well, maybe that comparison was in poor taste after the injury, but anyway.

"why is that?" you hope you don't come off as eager as you are to hear what you've done to further place yourself in her good graces (you do, but don't worry, tashi thinks it's cute.)

"you're the only one who still plays tennis with me. real tennis." she nudges you off of her shoulder as she speaks, forcing you to look at her, leaving you to tackle that feeling that always seemed to arise whenever she was close. a feeling that would rather die that put a name to.

god, you were such a tryhard when it came to her. you let her tell you about her escapade with the notorious 'fire and ice' duo, art and patrick. you assured that it was totally okay to pit two friends against each other for the prospect of getting her, you nodded along when patrick came out victorious, and you comforted her when she eventually broke it off.

and the cherry on top of this absolutely miserable sundae of yours, you played exactly the same way you used to play with her, because you knew it was what she wanted, and anything she wanted, you'd give it to her.

and she knew that, of course. one of the reasons she kept you around.

she brought her face close to yours, so close, closer, closer... before turning your own face to plant a kiss on your cheek, deciding to pay attention to the show you two had put on her laptop, completely shattering what you thought had been a moment between you and her. not the first time she's done that, not the last time you'll think that.

you inhale and exhale deeply, willing yourself to not spend the whole night picking that last ten seconds of that interaction apart, trying to analyse if you were running on pure delusion, or if something had been there, between you two.

but you do anyway, and you don't come to a solid conclusion. when it comes to tashi, you never do.

¤

¤

your run in with patrick is unexpected, but what is expected is just how fucking miserable he looks. you debate just leaving the diner all together, finding another place to eat. hell, not eating at all would be better than whatever conversation you could possibly have with the ex boyfriend of your best friend. the poor thing is still wearing that grey 'I told ya' shirt, and it's evident that he isn't taking any of this well.

you understand both of them, patrick blames himself (it's not his fault, at least not to you) and tashi needed someone to blame. there's a small part of you thats just glad you weren't the one that she chose, but it's small, and the bigger parts of you just want to pull patrick into a hug, but you're unsure of how appropriate that would be. unsure of if he would even want that from you. because you're not actually on his side, you'd never be on the side opposing tashi, and patrick knows that.

that doesn't stop his eyes from lighting up in hopeful recognition as he spots you awkwardly lingering by the entrance, and now you have to go and sit with him because you are not about to kick a dog while it's down. you flag down a waiter and order for yourself, turning to face him with a pensively worried expression.

"are you... okay?"

patrick laughs at your words, not because he thinks it's funny that you ask. (even in the event that you're just pretending to care, he's just thankful that you humoured him by sitting down) he laughs because he knows that you know that he's not. even if the two of you were strangers, you'd sense his misery from the second you entered and took one look at him.

"never better. foods here." he changes the topic swiftly, and you're starving, so you don't try to redirect it, stuffing your face almost as unapologetically as he is. but once the food finishes and you await the bill, you take another long look at him, and the sadness in his eyes make your heart ache.

you don't owe anything to patrick, but for whatever reason, you find yourself reaching for his hand, holding it in your own and giving it a comforting squeeze, smiling back at him sympathetically when he flashes you a grateful half smile.

maybe it's the unique circumstances of the breakup, or his sad brown eyes, or that one time you two played a "friendly" game right before him and tashi got together (the looks he gave you from across the court would be misplaced, but tennis was intrinsically sexy, and so was patrick, so you tried not to overthink it. tried.)

or maybe it's the emalgumation of every look that would make you squint curiously at him, every casual touch that would last too long because patricks patrick, every tipsy kiss on the cheek, or shoulder squeeze, but after you two leave the diner (he pays, and you feel bad about it, but don't comment further.) but when you face each other outside the establishment, the sunset painting the sky, you pull him into a hug.

the hug feels... far too intimate for two friends (were you still friends? you weren't sure.) but, whatever. he's hurt, grieving the loss of someone that would surely break you if you lost them and the loss of his own best friend, so you're not gonna judge. he wraps his arms around you slowly, hiding his face away in the crook of your neck, holding you so gently that a passerby would think that you're the one being comforted.

you tell him to call you if he ever feels lonely, immediately regretting your language because it sounds like you wanna fuck him, but he understands what you meant. and then, you say your goodbyes.

you don't tell tashi about that interaction. and you don't think you will.

¤

¤

your run in with art isn't intentional, but he's grateful for it.

he knows that you and tashi usually run drills together at the courts on saturdays, its not crowded since everyone is in their dorms trying to piece themselves together after a shitty week. but he also knows that tashi needs to rest right now, so you'd most likely be alone. but he doesn't strike then, the racket in your hand will make you too focused, he knows that all too well. you'd be giving him one word answers, barely paying him any mind and probably wanting him to fuck off as soon as possible.

so while he's wracking his brain, thinking of another opportunity to find a way in with you, because being closer to you meant being even closer to tashi, he's seconds away from getting on his knees and praising the gods above when he sees in the cafeteria, alone.

him being there for her when the injury happened was simply happenstance, and he was lucky in a roundabout sort of way, getting to comfort tashi and hopefully building a good image of himself in your mind, because you were there too, of course.

but that wouldn't cut it. he needed to be truly in with you, and he needed a new best friend anyway, he'd basically sold his last one off, so this was a two birds, one stone kind of situation.

you don't look up when art sits in front of you. because one, you know its him, he has the nervous kind of energy whenever he's around you, different to the kind of nervous energy he has when tashis around, but you can still sniff him out regardless. and two, you're still feeling shitty about that whole... thing with patrick, too shitty to care that blondies over here in front of you, trying to get in with tashi.

"they stale or something?" he asks, his smile stupidly warm and inviting as he points towards the cheese fries on your plate, completely untouched. you shoot air through your nose, smiling despite yourself before giving him a response. "no, I'm just grappling with the fact that I'm a shitty friend, and maybe even a shitty person in general."

he hums, holding his hand towards your tray as a silent question, and you push it towards him nonchalantly, letting him take what he wants. he feels way too good about a simple tray, but something about you sharing your food gives him hope that you haven't completely ruled him out.

"well, think about it this way. the average person needs to have at least one of these traits in order to be liked. talent, kindness or looks. you're a fucking beast on that court, and you're gorgeous, so you don't even need to worry about being a good person." it's easy to butter you up a bit, because the words he's saying are true, and he had a feeling that telling you what he honestly felt was the route to go with.

you roll your eyes at his words, but the compliment makes you bite back a smile. you're only human, after all, and not even you are invincible to the charms of one art donaldson.

but you keep your cool, waiting for the inevitable of him bringing up tashi, with the obligatory acting like that wasn't why he sat with you in the first place. but it comes later in the conversation than you thought it would, he asks if she's doing any better, and you answer with an honest 'no.'

maybe this is just another one of his tactics, pretending that he's fully interested in getting to know you with no tashi shaped ulterior motive. but it works. because you end up talking over your now empty tray for a while, so long that you're late to your next class.

the look that he gives you when you leave is one of longing, but it was a specific kind longing, one linked to tashi. that's what art tells himself too, as he watches you walk away.

[max1461]

I'm terminally humanities brained, but I am kind of interested in pure mathematics and POM and generally just more mathematics oriented philosophy stuff/mathematics in general, I haven't studied any kind of maths since Highschool, how should I get into it? Should I read Quine?

Oh, this is a great question and I am very happy you have decided to send it to me! My answer reflects my particular views on mathematics and what it is all about, of course, so keep that in mind.

The number one thing I would like to convey about mathematics to someone coming from the humanities is that mathematics, far more than most fields, is something you do in addition to something you learn. Mathematical thinking has to be practiced, it is a skill that you train. If your primary interest is in philosophy of math, I'm afraid I haven't read very deeply on the subject and probably can't recommend a good starting place. Maybe... Russell? Look into Hilbert's program, and why it failed? But if you want to understand math "from the inside" instead of "from the outside", then you have to do math, and to that end I think "who to read" is the wrong question.

This might sound a bit scary, but I don't think it needs to be. Math is not so hard to do, although it is a very foreign type of thinking to those who are not practiced at it. In fact, this is why I think doing math is important even if your interests are primarily in POM; math is ultimately a human activity, regardless of e.g. what you believe about the ontology of mathematical abstractions, and I believe that in order to understand it fully (to have a picture of it beyond just its ontology) it must be understood as a human activity. Thus, one must do it, at least a little bit. It is, if nothing else, a whole realm of human experience all its own, and I think just about anyone would profit intellectually from spinning their mental gears in a mathematical way here and there.

Thankfully, there are many great places to start if this is your aim. I assume that what we're talking about here is "proof based" math rather than just calculation. To that end, a great introductory book is Velleman's How to Prove It, which will give you some guiding principles and many examples of how to approach a mathematical proof. Beyond that, I think you'll want to pick up an "entry level" introductory text (that is, an introductory text aimed at undergrads, etc.) on any math topic that strikes your fancy, and work through it—making sure that you understand the structure of the arguments (proofs), and attempting as many of the exercises as you can. The exercises are really the most important part. You cannot learn math without the exercises. You cannot learn math by reading it. The only way to learn is to try your hand at it yourself.

Expect your reading speed to be slow, and new concepts to be confusing. Expect to read things over and over, and fiddle with them in your head, before they make sense. Well, I mean, if you're anything like me or like most people. I think one of the biggest reasons people get turned off to math is that most of it just doesn't make any sense the first time you encounter it; it won't make sense until you've thought about it a lot.

One way or another, if you have a background in philosophy and are used to parsing and evaluating careful arguments, you will have a leg up on many people getting their introduction to proofs.

As for what topic to start with... you could always start with Euclid's elements, which is still a perfectly solid introduction to Euclidean geometry even after 2500 years. It does not quite meet modern standards of mathematical rigor (in other words, its proofs have gaps by modern standards), but realistically this is not a big deal: the basic thinking style is the same, and the gaps are somewhat subtle and technical IIRC, so I don't think it will really affect the beginner experience. On the other hand I believe at least a couple of Euclid's proofs are genuinely flawed (that is to say, they aren't just uncareful in their presentation, but are actually invalid in their structure), so maybe it's better to start with a modern work first.

Some books that I think are good for a beginner:

Graham, Knuth, & Patashnik, Concrete Mathematics — The focus of this book is on mathematical tools for computer science, but even if that is not your interest it's still a great book. It deals mostly with familiar concepts such as whole numbers and sequences (you might have encountered, e.g., the Fibonacci sequence), but is great for learning to problem solve and think mathematically.

Rudin, Principals of Mathematical Analysis, ("Baby Rudin") — If you want trial-by-fire. A lot of math undergrads have this as the textbook for their first proof-based math class, and it's notoriously challenging. Its topic is the field of real analysis, the rigorous foundations of calculus. I... wouldn't start here if I were you, honestly, but it's definitely a classic.

Some graph theory text. Some people seem to be recommending Wilson's, which has the convenient feature of being available online here. I haven't read it, but looking over it, it seems fairly gentle. There are a lot of pictures, and proofs don't enter the picture until a couple of sections in. Graph theory has the advantage of being very visual and having basically no prerequisites, so this might be a nice place to start.

Some abstract algebra book. If you're looking for a really clear presentation of the way mathematics is done today, starting with axioms and proving theorems deductively from them, etc., there is probably no place where it is more straightforwardly visible than in abstract algebra. The first math book I ever attempted was Herstein's Topics in Algebra; not the most beginner oriented, but certainly not inaccessible, and hey, it worked out for me! If this one is not to your liking there are a million books on e.g. introductory group theory you could look into, or the very canonical Dummit & Foote, or so on.

Uh yeah I think that's all I got. Anyone else feel free to put any more thoughts or recommendations in the reblogs!

[rey-jake-therapist]

Folks need to get over Celeborn already. Not even Tolkien cared enough to make him into a actual character, he’s just “Galadriel’s husband” because Arwen needed to exist. In some versions, Celeborn wasn’t even around when Celebrian was conceived and born! He and Galadriel spend centuries apart, and in the end she leaves for Valinor and he stays behind in Middle-earth! Literally, Galadriel could have spend centuries in love with Sauron that Celeborn would t even matter, since they were always apart doing their own thing.

Yep.

I don't understand this obsession with Celeborn and Celebrian. Like wanting Mirdania to be Celebrian while nothing, I say nothing, speaks in favor of that theory in the show except for the fact that Sauron compared her hair to Galadriel's.

Mirdania is framed since the beginning as a very secondary character, and probably doomed to die before the end of the season. If she was a "mystery daughter", she wouldn't be kept in the background, she would have been shown at least once in the trailer imho

She's down bad for Sauron since she met him at the gate (girl I GET IT), and Sauron is not an idiot, he perceived that. So now, he's using vile flattery to get her on his side, like, "wow, you totally look like Lady Galadriel in this light". It's not said in the show and it's probably a mistake, but Galadriel is considered a very, very pretty lady. Her hair in particular is FAMOUS. So comparing Mirdania to Galadriel is a huge compliment. Of course he got caught at his own game and found himself thinking of "the one that got away", but that's beyond the subject.

And frankly, I think we should hang on to our seat belts, because there might even be a kiss coming at some point. That won't mean a thing, (not to him anyway), but I don't trust him to play fair in this game LOL

Now, Celeborn. I think there's a reason why Galadriel dropped his name like a hot potato and never mentioned him again : right now, he's not important. It was the writers telling us "we know, he exists, but there's no room here for him now. Move on!" It doesn't mean he can't ever show up in the show at some point (he definitely will imho), but I don't see it happening before season 3, even season 4 !

And he's not a threat to the connection between Sauron and Galadriel anyway lol If Sauron had remained Halbrand, a man of the Southlands, that's a discussion that would be worth having, because Elves generally mate for life and fall in love only once. So if Galadriel fell in love with another man, worse, a mortal, it would raise questions regarding her true feelings for Celeborn. And it would be very boring too. We had enough mortal/Elves failed and successful romances, thank you very much.

But we can clown ourselves as much as we like : Sauron and Galadriel will never, EVER become a couple, and it's NOT because Galadriel has already fallen in love once, or because she's already married. She's the Light, Sauron's Darkness. She's GOOD, he's EVIL !

I don't know about you, but I think it's a more solid threat to a potential romance between the two than... Galadriel's marriage or Sauron flirting with a coworker lol

Sauron's never going to be a good guy, and Galadriel's never going to fall into darkness. They're literally doomed by the narrative. Sauron could have a wife of his own that it would add absolutely nothing.

[thewertsearch]

GC: YOU W3R3 STRUTT1NG 4ROUND 1N YOUR D3L1C1OUS K1W1 31GHT B4LL SU1T 4ND RUNN1NG YOUR FR3SH MOUTH 4S USU4L GC: durp yo terezi sup sup gotta beat john gotta beat john GC: hes got a long hood and he does wind, how can i get powers too? [....] GC: [...] 1M L1K3 D4V3 TH4TS GO1NG TO 1NVOLV3 F4C1NG YOUR OWN D34TH GC: 4ND 1M SORRY TO BR34K 1T TO YOU BUT 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34DY FOR TH4T

Well, at least she gave him fair warning.

Thanks to Vriska, John was able to achieve the god tiers without confronting his mortality. He didn't have to grapple with any of this, and it's possible that he was robbed of some character growth as a result.

That said, I still think Vriska did him a solid. It's just ironic that she thinks she's helping him develop as a hero, when she might be doing the exact opposite.

GC: BUT ONLY 1F YOU PROM1S3 TO TH3 3X4CT T3RMS OF MY 4RR4NG3M3NT, 1N ORD3R TO PROT3CT TH3 1NT3GR1TY OF TH3 T1M3L1N3 >:] TG: the arrangement being the coin flip thing TG: thank god we did that otherwise wed be screwed TG: i probably would have gone back in time and killed my own grandfather oh wait i never had one

lmao

I do wonder if Bro had an adopted family. We know Nanna and Grandpa's background, and Mom was probably the child that Skaianet were apparently raising in their laboratory. (Remember when I thought there was a secret clone of Rose down there?)

Bro, however, is an enigma, even among the Guardians. He has no known relationship with any of the other parents, but was definitely getting foreknowledge of Sburb from somewhere. I'm not even sure I want to know what sort of childhood produces Bro Strider.

GC: 1 TOLD YOU 1 W4S GO1NG TO FL1P 4 CO1N GC: 4ND B3FOR3 1 D1D, YOU H4D TO P1CK 4 S1D3 W1THOUT T3LL1NG M3 GC: GOOD H34DS OR B4D H34DS

Really, the coin is just a rhetorical device. Terezi doesn't need to flip a coin, or even have a coin, because the real flip is happening in Dave's head. His Mind, if you will.

This does raise a lot of questions, though. I hope there isn't a timeline for every conceivable decision you could make. We've sort of discussed the idea before, but I don't think I've really talked about the subtle horror of a multiverse that works that way.

I mean, if there's a timeline for every possible decision - if everyone is capable of making any choice, at any time - then John will randomly kill his friends, for no reason. There are millions of offshoots where he does this. WV will become a monarchist. Dave will take off his shades.

It goes deeper, too. You can't even meaningfully ask why Dave wears shades, because he doesn't. He's constantly taking them off, because it is possible for him to do so. And if there's a timeline where he never takes them off, it's only because that's a decision he could potentially make.

If timelines branch at every decision, with no restrictions, then every single person in the multiverse is constantly doing things that contradict the core of who they are. In fact, there is no core. Everyone is an indistinguishable robot, constantly making every possible decision, simply because they can.

Homestuck could work like this, but I prefer the Discworld interpretation - I think it's more consistent with the comic's themes of choice. In Night Watch, protagonist Vimes is confronted with this exact question, and we get this exchange:

“But sometimes you can’t help wondering: what would have happened if I’d done something different–” “Like when you killed your wife?” Sweeper was impressed at Vimes’s lack of reaction. “This is a test, right?” “You’re a quick study, Mister Vimes.” “But in some other universe, believe me, I hauled off and punched you one.” Again, Sweeper smiled the annoying little smile that suggested he didn’t believe him. “You haven’t killed your wife,” he said. “Anywhere. There is nowhere, however huge the multiverse is, where Sam Vimes as he is now has murdered Lady Sybil. But the theory is quite clear. It says that if anything could happen without breaking any physical laws, it must happen. But it hasn’t. And yet the “many universe” theory works. Without it, no one would ever be able to make a decision at all.” “So?” “So what people do matters!” said Sweeper. “People invent other laws. What they do is important!

In short, there are some things you would never do, physical laws be damned. It is inconceivable that Vimes would murder his wife, because his current personality is incompatible with that decision. It simply cannot be made to make sense, so it can't spawn a timeline.

Note that this is only true for Vimes 'as he is now'. His moral code doesn't necessarily apply to his alt-selves - or even his younger self, whose code hasn't solidified. Hell, half the book is about making sure Young Vimes develops that code in the first place. There could be an evil John Egbert, but our John can't just arbitrarily turn evil.

So that's how I think it works. There's a timeline for every decision that you'd choose to make, and that subset of decisions will change as you grow. Your development as a person shapes the multiverse, in a very literal way.

[tossawary]

Watching "Star Trek: Strange New Worlds" is a lot of fun. I want to be clear that I'm enjoying myself, perhaps especially because the show suffers from many of the same issues as all previous "Star Trek" shows and I like picking at Doylist versus Watsonian explanations for things.

In one of the episodes of Season 2, all of the characters on the ship are suffering from this supernatural memory loss. They don't remember who they are or what they're meant to be doing. This issue hits the Enterprise over the course of many hours, enough time for senior members of the crew to become aware of the issue and decide that the Enterprise needs to get away from what's probably causing the issue. As a precaution, Spock even hands out datapads with personnel files to remind people of their own identities.

Unfortunately, this doesn't work out, because the memory loss apparently includes the ability to read. And I was immediately like, "Why didn't they ask the computer to periodically remind them of the situation? Why didn't they go into lockdown and set a looping announcement to keep everyone calm?" And it does turn out later on in the episode that the day is saved because the helmswoman accidentally prompts the ship's computer to remind her of who she is and what her role is. And I immediately pointed at the screen and the person I was watching with laughed.

The episode was fun and fairly solid. I find a lot about this show to be comparable to all previous "Star Trek" shows. But it IS amusing that this episode hinges on the idea that the senior officers of the ship who are supposedly pretty good on-their-feet problem-solvers, including a logically-minded Vulcan science officer, would not develop SEVERAL background plans in the event of further memory loss. Like, uh, carrying around datapads with personnel files is a single point of failure? And far less reliable than asking the computer to herd the crew and make announcements? What if someone drops their datapad? Should you not immediately strive to take a variety of precautions for everyone's safety? Your backups should have backups!

It's also amusing that the episode hinges on needing the helmswoman to pilot their way out of an asteroid field or whatever, because that really seems like something that should be trivial for the ship's computer. I don't remember if the episode gave us a sci-fi mumbo-jumbo excuse as to why a person needed to do it. But a human being just doesn't have the same reaction time or field of awareness as a computer, especially one 200 years in the future; maybe we don't want to rely on a computer all of the time, but there SHOULD realistically speaking be some background program that allows the ship's computer to plot a course in the event of an emergency. And it's a little ridiculous from an in-universe perspective to think that an organization like Starfleet would not have those backups already.

Like, I come from a background of more scientifically-minded problem-solvers with a handful of memory issues to their names, so we've adapted with techniques to cope with forgetting shit sometimes, and I just cannot fully suspend my disbelief regarding some of the things the writers has Starfleet do for plot reasons. So much can go wrong in space even before you bring glow clouds into it! Good engineers are paranoid fuckers! What can go wrong WILL go wrong.

(We watched the first episode of "Star Trek: Lower Decks" last night and I found it delightful. It IS set in the era of "The Next Generation", but nevertheless you'd think that Captain Pike and crew should have developed a series of "the entire crew has lost their minds again" protocols by now, and "Lower Decks" is lovingly making fun of that in the same vein as "Galaxy Quest".)

Thankfully, I mostly find this discrepancy for drama's sake funny.

In one of the earlier episodes, it was basically the show doing their own version of / a tribute to "Alien". And I have a great fondness for the original "Alien", so that was kind of fun to see. Nice. But if you do stop to, like, actually think about what's happening, this sequence of events is only really happening because 1a) you didn't send piloted drones in first to try to retrieve any logs about what happened and 1b) search for survivors without recklessly endangering half of the senior bridge crew.

2) None of these people are wearing protective suits or shield generators or whatever. They have BARE FACES when this destroyed ship they're exploring could have been taken down by a plague for all they know. None of the characters are ever even wearing HATS when they go to cold locations, because filmmakers don't like obscuring actor faces or ruining their hair. This episode is, for understandable reasons, prioritizing drama over... uh, indicating that Starfleet has decent safety regulations that include personal protective equipment.

3) They send EVERYONE into the spooky destroyed ship instead of holding various crewmembers back. Like, uh, maybe you should leave someone in the shuttle in case something goes wrong? There's an ion storm preventing transporter use and interfering with communicators again, sure, but... Starfleet hasn't developed a series of communication protocols besides "Aw, fuck, communicator's broke, better wait it out"? There's no alternate radio-esque technology that would allow for short range communication between an exploration crew and a grounded shuttle crew? You don't have a temporary communications machine to drop onto a planet? You can't even have little drones physically carry messages between the shuttle and the exploration crew?

Like, yes, I understand why the writers did things this way. "Star Trek" has such miraculous technology that writers have to fight for their fucking lives every episode to explain why the miracle technology isn't working this time. Nevertheless, when crewmembers start dying because Starfleet apparently doesn't have, like, decent safety protocols and backups, I am going to think in the back of my mind: "Okay, this redshirt's death is kind of on you guys this time. Send in a damn robot first."

[chokedraven]

"What are you fighting for?"

The words broke through the thick layer of fog in Whumpee's head, wandering and finding their way to Whumpee's mind, despite the fact that they had long lost the thread of what was happening around them. They could barely muster the remnants of consciousness to understand their own predicament —however, the words sounded surprisingly clear in their head.

"Do you have a goal?"

They caressed the edges of Whumpee's consciousness, the soft echoes of the outside world, beckoning, wanting to pull them out of the secluded dark corner of their mind, into which they had crept in a stupid (you can't blame them for their little sanity, when they were barely able to think without loading their brain to boiling), stupid and pathetic attempt to hide from the painful reality.

But now they were finally here, curled up in this very corner and slowly withering away, only to be pushed back to the surface?

Back into this endless agony of torture?

"Some reason... Lord, any reason to be so nasty, huh?"

Whumpee whined, a soft sound burst into a small red bubble, inflated with a thin film of blood between their lips. The taste of copper tickled the walls of their throat unpleasantly. They took one quiet moment worrying about it before slipping back into unconsciousness. A blissfully empty cinema with a single occupied seat, occasionally buggy screen with echoes of their overly dramatic interlocutor (even barely conscious, they could get tired of these monologues).

Soft footsteps echoed through the small room, accompanied by a barely audible soft chuckle. And then — a smiling face appeared in front of Whumpee's half-closed eyes, making them spend the rest of their strength into flinch.

The raised thin eyebrows, the wide smile, the wide-open eyes and the dark pupils dilated from the faded lighting. They were willing to bet that this face would keep them awake at night if they got the chance to grab a quiet moment or two of a slumber.

Whumper's eyes ran over Whumpee's face, as if scanning, trying to memorize every detail: half-closed unfocused eyes, lightly parted lips and frozen blood like a cherry on a cake.

And this is probably what will make Whumper sleep sweetly at night.

"It's just... I'm really interested." They chuckled, their voice clearer now that they were much closer to Whumpee, almost inches from their own face. "A beautiful wife/husband waiting you home? A couple of toddlers? A cute golden retriever?"

It was barely possible to discern mockery in their words, it really sounded like simple interest, undisguised curiosity. Or just so exposed to the background that it was impossible to hear anything behind it.

Whumpee whimpered softly again, no more than a wheeze, and closed their eyes. The darkness continued to creep into their mind...

They flinched again when they felt a cold pressure on their eyelids. Whumper carefully, almost gently, opened Whumpee's eyes again, lifting the eyelids with the tips of their thumbs, and forcing Whumpee to face them again.

"C’mon, tell me, will you?"

Whumpee couldn't. Their tongue felt heavy in their mouth, their mind barely caught Whumper's words, not to digest them and give a reasonable answer.

However, Whumper didn't seem to be waiting for it. Their face softened as they moved their fingers to the sides of Whumpee's head, edges of their fingers gently stroking hair above their victim's ears. Thumbs never left their eyelids.

Whumpee tried their best not to enjoy the gentle touch after so many hours of torture.

"I know so little about you... Yet," Whumper chuckled softly and leaned just a bit closer, hot breath touching Whumpee's face when they spoke again: "I guess we'll have a plenty of time to get to know each other better, don't you think?"

Taking a last quiet look at their face with, Whumper allowed their hands to pull away, and Whumpee's freed eyelids finally fell, plunging their world into solid darkness.

[dullgecko]

I think that if Riz were to like actually sleep on his own, and like actually sleep *well*, he'd need like a whole set up. Like he needs a white noise machine at a specific volume to block out his thoughts, but not so loud he can't still hear the world around him. He needs a sleepytime tea, it needs to be dark, possibly enclosed. Bonus points if there's someone else there. He makes due with four hours of passible sleep because I don't think he has ever put that much thought into sleeping.

The person with the next neediest sleep needs is probably Fabian, who can sleep in adventurer standard places, but he's so much more used to sleeping on expensive sheets. After Sophmore year you know it's cream sheets all the way. He has a white noise that plays mostly ocean sounds, and an entire skin care routine that he does at home. Kristen is probably the laxest sleeper, and could sleep anywhere, honestly. She can actually get rested from how Riz sleeps normally.

Goblins prefer sleeping around other people, it helps them maintain body heat and makes them feel more secure. They also need just a baseline level of noise from other people so they know there's someone on watch. If the entire horde is asleep at the same time things are liable to get in and eat them.

Riz's moms not home at the same time he is very much, and if they are home at the same time she's usually exhausted from work and sleeping so Riz just stays awake and works on stuff so she can get a good nights rest. His mom and dad would go to bed at different times when he was little so they could swap off who would keep watch, but its just the two of them now and Riz is a self-sacrificing idiot for the people he loves.

If he's by himself and exhausted and actually has the energy to get ready and go to bed rather than passing out at his desk or on the couch its a whole ordeal. He'll have something hot to drink that's not coffee, have some melatonin tablets (his circadian rhythm is completely shot from being a nocternal creature going to school during the day), he'll have a hot shower and get changed, and he'll smoosh up into the tiniest ball possible in one corner of his bed. He still doesnt sleep super well like that though.

He's actually better rested now that he's in highschool because he has friends who are so much larger than he is with comfortable bags. He'll usually at least get a solid nap in two to three times a week because the background noise of his friends classes, combined with the knowledge that they're awake and 'keeping watch' makes him fall asleep easier.

Fabian can sleep practically anywhere if need be. Sitting upright against a tree, on an uncomfortable sleeping mat, straight up on the ground, on a rocking ship. ANYWHERE. He is, however, a man with refined tastes and if he's given the option of luxury he will grab it with both hands. His party was actually a little shocked because they thought he would be the most precious about how he sleeps but if they're on an adventure he doesn't really give a shit. This is how adventurers do it. If he's at home though it takes him a whole hour to get ready for bed.

Fabian is Riz's favorite party member to nap on partly because he doesn't move around very much in his sleep too. Gorgug tends to toss and turn a little and the first time Riz crashed next to him he nearly got squished. Kristen is straight up a menace in her sleep and kicks so she's also a no-go and Adaine wakes up too easily if he lies down near her and he doesnt want to disturb her. Fig is a close second to Fabian but only in winter or if he's pissed off at their fighter for some reason (he considers her basically his sister by this point so she gets all the cuddles when he's in a cranky mood. its not weird they're family their parents are dating).

Kristen is one of those infuriating people who, even if they only got three hours of sleep, is super chipper and loud most mornings. Noone is sure how she does it given that she should be exhausted all the time from the gymnastics she does in her sleep. Her party is convinced its some weird cleric thing.

Fig is fairly normal about her sleep arangements. She just needs somewhere comfortable and horizontal preferably with a pillow. She is a hugger though and if you get too close while she's half-asleep you'll get trapped. Before the whole archdevil thing she also needed a decent sleeping bag but now she's totally fine until it gets to the point there's snow on the ground.

Gorgug like Fabian can sleep in the most uncomfortable positions if need be. He sleeps better if his party is close by though, preferable touching, otherwise his heart rate spikes in his sleep sometimes and he'll rage. If his friends are close they keep him calm and he gets a better nights sleep, even if he's in a weird position that will leave him sore in the morning.

[ribbonetteart]

Tribute to one of my favorite movies of all time + the franchise that has me in a death grip 💖

a bit late for Christmas but at least Valentine's day is around the corner ^^;;

Process below if that interests you:

AS I SAID EARLIER, I had been working on this piece as early as December of 2021 😱!!!

This was the original sketch! I was inspired after learning about Blaze's own design inspiration coming from Takarazuka theater, as well as it being the Nutcracker season so this film was in bouncing around in my head.

and this was allllll the way back in 2021 ^^; I had put the idea to paper to capture the image in my head immediately. But the idea in my head was extravagant and beautiful and would certainly take time to complete, as well as the patience and skill to work with watercolor 😔 I've certainly done my share of watercolor, both physical and digital, but I still feel like my physical watercolor work is a fluke, and I was still a novice digital artist at the time of this sketch.

In short, I wasn't confident my skill could live up to the vision.

So I would put this on the back burner. It wouldn't be ready in time for Christmas, and I could use this as an opportunity to hone that digital art experience so it could be ready next year!

2 Years Later...

It's December 5th. Fuck it. Let's crack this open again, I tell myself.

SO starting with the line art, it's actually 2 different brushes layered over one another.

I also changed Sonic's expression to be more love struck-looking, because I'm a sucker for romance.

The image on the left is a watercolor line brush, while the right is a pencil brush. The reason I wanted a water color look was because I thought it would make the illustration look dreamy and fantastical, and I wanted that to extend to the line art as well. However, my usual lines on traditional usually veer more towards thick and cartoony from years of studying the Sonic art style, so I really felt like I was working against myself here. I had also asked friends for their input and they preferred the lines on the right as well. If my followers actually do read these blog posts, I'd love if you could comment which line art style you prefer drawing or looking at.

The happy medium was to just combine the 2. Here's a better look at that:

I like it! I think it combines the solid line with the rustic water color grain. Best of both worlds :]

For the actual painting, The most notable thing I can say is that getting the right pastel-y color was VERY difficult to achieve for someone like me who often loves to use bright and saturated colors in her art. I feel like I really set myself up to do one of those "evil art style" or "opposite art style" challenges I've been seeing around. I had to repaint Sonic at one paint because the blue of his fur was WAY too saturated for the style I was going for:

I started with painting Sonic and Blaze in first and then working on the background. I think that's probably the backwards way of doing it but one of the perks of digital art is you can do stuff any order you want when you have layers.

The background wasn't actually as difficult as I thought it would be. I wasn't going for any difficult perspective, and I was using a reference so that could be it. I'm usually averse to backgrounds but I really wanna tackle more of my weak points in art. I actually had way more fun than I was expecting, painting the sky and adding texture to the grass. I think I had the most fun rendering the water coming from the fountain (which you can't even see too well anyway, lol).

Funny enough, I had just about finished painting the characters and background by early January. So why am I posting this in February?

The Flowers...

In case you don't know. I love flowers. I love looking at them, I love learning about flower languages, I love drawing them. so seeing that my reference image showed flowers circling the fountain, I was excited! I was already having more fun than I expected to be having (working against my usual style, rendering a background), so how could this be a pain in the ass?

Well, I am my own worst enemy 😞I couldn't exactly identify each flower offhand from this screenshot alone. The texture of the flowers is kinda grainy, since I don't think the animators were expecting viewers to look too closely at the set piece to use as reference for my lovingly crafted crossover fanart. If anyone has this in high quality though, please tell me.

(I think I actually got this reference from a tumblr post but I can't find it on my blog for the life of me nor can I find it in the tags I'm so sorry)

I'm a huge stickler for details so I really wanted to be as "accurate" as possible in my illustration. I can hardly identify some of these flowers with confidence. I think there are roses in there? or tulips? I'm not sure if those yellow flowers are roses or some kinda petunia or if I'm way off.

I'm sure these details won't matter to most viewers but it was EATING AWAY AT ME. Eventually I decided to try drawing in flowers that might look similar to the ones in the reference. Or some based on their flower languages. I was certainly overthinking it ;;;; It led me to going "fuck it" and just throwing in whatever I wanted. There are no irises visible in that screenshot but I made it the centerpiece of the flower ring. Who give a shit.

I made some guides for me to follow: The blue ring was so I could make sure the flowers make a half circular border around Sonic and Blaze. I was envisioning how it could look as like an icon or sticker or something, which is why it's framed this way. then the second guide is the sketch of the flowers I made. I always do line art and I'm not great at just improvising with color to paper, or color to screen in this case.

The rest of this process is then just working on each flower piece by piece (with the help of the mirror tool of course) with varying degrees of detail. Some flowers are more abstract than others, and I had debated if that would look jarring and disrupted any kind of harmony I was trying to maintain with the style parameters I set for myself. And then I decided I was overthinking it once again which is why this was taking me nearly 2 months to complete.

At some point during this process, my wifi went out for a whole week! Of course, I could still work on this illustration offline, but I had a lot of tabs open with a bunch of reference images on there (plus I like to listen to music while I draw otherwise I lose focus and I had neglected to download a varied selection on my phone or laptop 😭 Learn from my mistakes).

The most tedious of this process was making each set of gladioluses a unique color.

Was it worth it? You tell me! I think they're pretty, at least.

Along the way, I repainted the grass because it wasn't symmetrical (It didn't need to be but I had been using the mirror tool for a lot at this point and it was bugging me). I made other little final adjustments, like color adjusting the leaves on the flowers, lowering the flower ring border, and so on.

Ultimately, I'm extremely satisfied with the final product. I had my heart set on doing something like this for a long time. I had so much fun just experimenting throwing on color or not worrying about technical stuff. Of course, I did do what I usually do and overthink it at some points, but I'm working on it!

I've wanted to do an extremely indulgent AU illustration and other drawings for a Sonic x The Nutcracker story for a long while. I will be totally honest, I'm still a little embarrassed to share stuff like this, even after years of posting fan art online. It feels like the more self indulgent something is, the more people might judge me for it ^^; But I wanna practice what I preach and kill the thing inside me that cringes at my harmless attempts at joy and whimsy.

I would love to do some more drawings for this AU, but maybe post them around December when it would be more seasonally appropriate. I hope you'll stick around for it!

If you read this whole thing to the end, thank you. Whether you follow my blog or not, I hope you have a lovely day :3💝

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Since you're familiar with tokusatsu actors and their journeys into BL, what kinds of careers historically have tokusatsu actors had as they start to get more credits and mature?

Thank you for the ask! This is a great question. It’s something I’ve been curious about for a while, as you know.

I never get tired of this gif of Seto Toshiki (a Kamen Rider alum with two BLs under his belt) eating cake. (It's from Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, which he starred in with Iijima Hiroki of Our Dining Table fame.)

Oh, I should probably say at the outset that I'm talking about the suit transformation type of tokusatsu shows here. Technically the category is broader and also includes kaiju movies, but I'm focusing here on the kind of tokusatsu series in which human characters (or human-like ones) transform into masked heroes. I think that's what you had in mind, Ben, and it's the type of tokusatsu that tends to overlap with the BL world.

Another thing you'll notice is that I'm mostly going to talk about men here. Tokusatsu has been making some progress as a genre when it comes to gender equity, but it still has a long way to go. And since most of the progress that has happened, like the increase in female Riders, has been in the last few years, the actors who played those characters haven't had much of a subsequent career yet.

Now, to your question.

Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out a way to really look at this systematically. So, definitely take my conclusions with a grain of salt. (If anyone reading this knows more about this or has thoughts about how to get more/better info, I'd love to hear them.) The main source of information I have--aside from just soaking stuff up from watching tokusatsu shows and reading toku fans' tumblrs, of course--is looking at toku actors’ entries on MDL and seeing how many roles they’ve gotten, if they’re “guest,” “support,” or “main” roles, and trying to find out about the type of shows and movies they’re in.

One of the biggest weaknesses to this approach as an American viewer is that it's usually hard for me to tell what constitutes a popular or prestigious series or film even if I go to the listings for specific shows/films. I should also note that one thing that biases my “data” (to use the term loosely) is the fact that I’m more likely to look up this information about actors I like. Well, occasionally I’ll also look at info on some sample of actors out of curiosity, like a bunch of lead Ultraman actors’ subsequent careers or something like that. But it's usually more random.

A little background. As you're aware, tokusatsu roles often go to younger actors who don't have much previous experience. They tend to function both as a way of getting a foothold in the industry (building a resume, starting a fanbase, etc.) and as a way of learning on the job. Part of the reason they work so well in this regard is that they have long seasons. Ultraman seasons are typically around 25 episodes long, which is pretty long compared to many shows in Japan, but Kamen Rider and Super Sentai seasons are usually around 50 episodes long. This means two things: a toku part gets you a lot more of the aforementioned work experience than you'd get in other genres, and it provides a solid year of consistent work with additional work to follow (particularly hard to come by in Japan's entertainment industry, from what I understand). The additional work is substantial, too. There are typically post-series TV movies and touring live shows and there are often guest spots on other series in your franchise.

When it comes to landing other roles, as in other types of media, it makes a big difference what type of role you had. This is stating the obvious, I know, but there are some specific ways this works with tokusatsu series, and it relates to who ends up in BLs and in what capacity. So, all of the big three tokusatsu franchises are pretty ensemble-based but they still have distinct leads and some degree of a hierarchy of roles. Ultraman has the strongest leads, Kamen Rider has lead/title Riders and secondary (and often tertiary) Riders, and Super Sentai shows are especially ensemble-y (the word sentai basically means "squad," after all) but they always have some kind of group leader.

When I look up subsequent work by tokusatsu actors who had sizable roles in their toku series--lead roles, or other parts that are what MDL would call "main" roles--what I see most often is a lot of supporting and guest roles in a variety of TV shows and some films. You can usually find a smattering of lead roles as well, but if you look closely they may turn out to be smaller productions (but not always). When it comes to the number/frequency of credits, there's a lot of variation but an average case would be 2-3 such credits per year. Like I mentioned above, it's hard for me to tell how desirable/prestigious/well-paying those guest and supporting roles are. But they don't usually seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel or anything. So, yeah. Lots of these actors have different paths, but this is what I see most frequently.

Given how challenging it is to make a career out of acting in Japan, this is nothing to sneeze at. Despite its relative influence, the Japanese entertainment industry is still comparatively small, and there are only so many opportunities. In that context, regularly getting guest and supporting gigs constitutes a pretty uncommon level of success.

Could these folks support themselves on this amount of work? I often see just a few credits per year, so maybe not. But when I like a one of these actors enough to follow them on socials, it usually seems like they are supplementing those parts with other stuff like stage plays, toku fan appearances, modeling gigs, or other types of performance including music. Even with these different sources of income, some probably still can't live on their entertainment industry pay alone. But it appears that some can.

So that's the most common thing. One less common outcome is leaning really hard into being a tokusatsu actor for life. It's not typical to get significant roles in multiple toku shows, but it does happen. And some actors manage to play the same character in a lot of post-series movies, miniseries, etc. stretching out for years after their actual series. For example, Tsuruno Takeshi, who played Ultraman Dyna's human host Shin Asuka, has been in ten different Ultraman things including his main series, a short series, a lot of TV movies, and a special. Dyna aired in 1997, and his last appearance as Asuka was fairly recent, in 2016. That's almost a 20-year span. Yet Tsuruno has never had a non-Ultraman main character part. (Though this is partly because he seems to have focused more on his music career and related variety show type things post-Dyna.) There are even some actors who are tokusatsu superfans whose whole career plan is centered on the genre from the get-go.

For those who are looking to branch out, there are a lot of trajectories. So I'll try to talk about some of them through a few examples.

Takeda Kouhei

You probably knew I was going to bring him up. On Kamen Rider Kiva, Takeda's character was important but not the lead (he played the main character's father in the 1980s, in a timeline that ran parallel to the present day one). That was in 2008, when he was 22. Nine years later, in 2017, he was in Kamen Rider Build, in which he was the "tertiary" Rider. This character was a potato farmer-turned-antihero. As tertiary Riders go, he was pretty popular. But Takeda seemed to be mostly hovering at a certain level at that point. Then Old Fashion Cupcake happened. It's significant that he went from playing supporting characters (albeit important ones) to a lead character in OFC. It's also helpful that OFC came out at a point when the prestige of BLs was on the rise. It seems like Takeda has had more consistent and larger parts since then. The difference isn't night and day or anything, but it's observable.

If you look at Takeda's Build costars, Inukai Atsuhiro and Akaso Eiji, here’s what you'll find. Akaso has a similar trajectory to Takeda's only somewhat steeper. His role on Build (the secondary Rider) was a bit bigger, he seemed to get slightly bigger roles overall after Build, and Cherry Magic gave him a significant boost from there. Inukai had a bigger upswing early on followed by slower growth that still had him outstripping both Akaso and Takeda. From what I can tell, his “data” more closely resembles that of Yamada Yuki, who I’ll talk about in a second, though they have different niches.

Suda Masaki

Suda Masaki was only 16 when he played the main rider in Kamen Rider W in 2009, which is unusually young. (W has a unique premise where two different people inhabit the same Rider, so Suda played a lead rider but so did his costar Kiriyama Renn.) From what I can tell, he seems to have had a pretty organic path to larger and larger roles while varying genres and styles quite a bit. At this point he's definitely a very respected actor. (One interesting bit of trivia: Hagiwara Riku has said Suda is his biggest acting role model.) He's won two Japan Academy Film Prizes and been nominated three more times. I don't know of a more successful ex-tokusatsu lead. Actually, I looked him up for this post to fill in some details and found out for the first time that he also has a pretty successful career as a jpop musician. It's almost annoying that he's that talented in yet another area.

I don't see any indication that Suda has ever played a queer character, though he has definitely done some pretty bromantic stuff. He did kiss a man once in a drama series, but it was for plot reasons and was 100% played for laughs in a gross way. He also played a gender nonconforming character in the 2014 live action version of Princess Jellyfish. (Another bit of trivia: when another live action adaptation of Princess Jellyfish was released in 2018, the same character was played by another former lead Rider, Seto Koji from Kiva.) I wouldn't put it past Suda to play a queer character, if it was for a highbrow movie or something analogous to what Nishijima Hidetoshi has done in What Did You Eat Yesterday?, but I'm also not holding my breath.

Yamada Yuki

A less extreme case. Yamada was on Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger. He was the blue member of the team, a soldier-turned-pirate. It may have helped Yamada along later on that Gokaiger is an especially popular Sentai series. Post-Gokaiger, Yamada didn't have any sort of big breakout role that I can find. It just seems like fairly soon after Gokaiger, he started having significant roles in TV dramas and has pretty much continued from there, with some upward momentum but no huge changes. When he was in a drama with Akaso Eiji recently, his part was first billed and a smidge bigger. Yamada's trend line seemed to have a biggish upward swing early and then just a slight slope from there. But I just saw him in something different: he plays the younger member of the minesweeper crew in Godzilla Minus One. I wonder if that will mark any sort of shift for him.

Yamada hasn't played any queer characters as far as I can tell. His Sentai role was shippy as hell, though. It's a tradition among Sentai shows that subtext-level queer ships happen between the red and blue team members, and that's exactly what happened in Gokaiger. Sometimes the subtext pretty much became text. If magazine images from that time are any indication, their relationship seems to have been a promotional angle for the show. There's even one where they seem to be in some kind of high school AU that looks like it's straight out of a BL.

what about women?

I tried looking up a few women I know from tokusatsu roles while I was looking up these and other dudes. Some of them were still in the business, at least. Some were getting the same trickle of guest and supporting parts a lot of men do after a tokusatsu show. A few had a slightly bigger trickle. But many of them seemed to have disappeared from the public eye entirely. Not only are women underrepresented in tokusatsu, and not only are their roles often relatively small and two-dimensional, but it doesn't seem like they get even a slight career boost after these roles.

It's possible this will change for some of the actors who got bigger, more interesting toku roles in recent years. Here's hoping!

The changing relationship between tokusatsu and BL

The relationship between tokusatsu and BL has been changing as BL gains more prestige, like I alluded to when I talked about Takeda Kouhei. There was a time when they seemed to be pretty analogous in terms of how hard it was to get a role and how effective they were as rungs on a career ladder. If you went from being a tokusatsu side character to a BL lead (like Takeda), that was a step up, but only because you were shifting from a supporting spot to a lead one. Tokusatsu leads usually didn't usually do BL or, when they did, only played straight supporting roles. I think it was seen as a lateral move. But now, BL is becoming a very established next step after tokusatsu. It's like BL has moved up in status so that the consensus is that it's above tokusatsu on the ladder, but just by a little bit. It's also kind of an organic transition since we're seeing more queer ships in tokusatsu that, while they mostly happen on a subtext level, are close to being canon (and in some cases, arguably already are). It occurred to me while I was writing this that there's also another type of role that is in a similar zone of accessibility and prestige to both tokusatsu and BL. It's a franchise, not a genre, but with so many movies and such huge casts it almost functions like a genre for the purpose of this discussion. I'm talking about the High&Low movies. If you're a fan of tokusatsu or BL, you'll see actors you know in every High&Low movie and if you're a fan of both, you'll see tons.

Case in point: Here's our ol’ pal Yamada Yuki. He's in quite a few High&Low installments. If only he’d do a BL and complete the trifecta! The only person I know of offhand who’s done a tokusatsu show, a BL, and a High&Low role is Takeda. I bet there are others, though.

the new (?) prestige tokusatsu

There's another piece to this I should probably point out as well. In recent years there have been some more high-budget, prestigious takes on existing tokusatsu properties. First, Anno Hideaki, who's best known for the Evangelion anime series/films, put out three live action features that are new, well-financed takes on three big tokusatsu properties: Shin Godzilla, Shin Ultraman, and Shin Kamen Rider.

Last year there was also a Kamen Rider series geared toward adults that had higher-than-usual production values called Kamen Rider Black Sun. It did that “you can tell our show is for adults because it's all gritty and grimdark" thing, which I'm not a fan of. But it definitely had its points.

Really distinguished actors starred in both the Shin movies and Black Sun, including Nishijima Hidetoshi, who's about as distinguished as it gets. Nishijima was in both Shin Ultraman (in an important supporting role) and Black Sun (as a co-protagonist--and he's the biggest highlight of the series). So these are examples of toku media that are too prestigious to be a springboard into the industry for most actors.

This seems to be a new phenomenon, though I could be wrong about that. I don’t expect the trend will continue at this pace (after all, so much of it is attributable to Anno alone and I don't think he'll continue down this path indefinitely), but I bet some other shows/movies in this vein will come out sooner or later.

Here’s Nishijima doing a henshin sequence. He does these moves with such commitment. Is there anything he can't do?

before tokusatsu

As I was writing this, it got me thinking about what actors do before their tokusatsu roles as well as after. It's not uncommon for toku roles to be someone's debut, but that's not really the norm. Even when it is, most of those actors were doing something in the realm of performing or modeling beforehand. I don't usually look at this sort of information as much as I do later roles when I'm investigating toku actors I like. So I looked up some people to try to get a sense of where the actors tend to have done before their toku parts.

There's one starting point that a whole bunch of tokusatsu leads share: winning the Junon Super Boy Contest. When I first saw references to it, I thought, OK, this is some kind of national talent contest. I guess there are probably lots of them. But when I looked for others, I didn't see anything come up. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places or using the right search terms. But I think maybe this contest might be pretty unique in Japan.

It's run by a magazine called Junon and, well, if I describe how it works it's going to sound really familiar to you and anyone else who's seen Utsukushii Kare, because it's pretty much exactly the contest Kiyoi participates in. Like, if it's not what Nagira Yuu was thinking of when she wrote that part of the UK novel, I'll eat my shoe.

A ton of tokusatsu leads won, placed in, or made it to the finals of that contest. The Tokupedia fan wiki even has its own page dedicated to the contest with links to various winners' toku characters. The majority of Junon Super Boy contestants who ended up in a toku series went to Kamen Rider, but there are some Sentai dudes as well and at least one Ultraman lead.

So I guess if Kiyoi had won that contest, he probably would have ended up on Kamen Rider or something. Weird.

Inukai Atsuhiro and Iijima Hiroki both won that contest. Those are the only two Junon Boys (that's what people call the contest winners) who became tokusatsu actors and were on a BL that I know of right off the top of my head. But it seems likely that there are other toku-and-BL or just BL actors who won, placed, or made it to the finals of this contest.

Other dudes who ended up on tokusatsu shows started out in other ways. Some were simply signed to agencies as actors. There's a fair number of them who were in idol groups. (Though when an idol/ex-idol is looking for a gig as a transition into acting, BLs seem to be a more popular choice.) Some mostly did modeling prior to their toku series. Some already had quite a few acting credits, though usually not very big ones. Although he's a Junon Super Boy winner, Inukai had eight other acting credits before Kamen Rider. Takeda had the same number, and he started young--his first credit is for a TV show that came out when he was 10 (though it took another six years to get a second).

I also looked up some women who've had prominent roles in tokusatsu shows, including more recent ones. The most frequent things I found when I looked for information on their pre-toku careers were that they had been models or idols (or both). It's also not uncommon for women in toku roles to be former or present gravure models--basically models who pose in bikinis or comparably revealing outfits.

The coolest thing I found was that Imoto Ayaka, who played Igarashi Sakura/Kamen Rider Jeanne, was an award-winning ballet dancer. Which is not only incredibly cool but makes a lot of sense in terms of preparation for a tokusatsu hero role.

I mean, just check out this henshin.

Well, this has gotten ridiculously long. Sorry about that. I may have gotten a little carried away. But thanks again for the question.

And now, I have something to write for @wen-kexing-apologist...

[magicalonsomanydances]

In preparation for the Spanish Grand Prix I feel I must give my ranking of my top 10 on the Grid as some way to soothe the frustration that I have no way to watch the race.

Carlos Sainz Vazquez de Castro Cenamor Rincón Rebollo Birto Moreno de Aranda de Anteriuga Tiapera Deltun absolute king of my heart and the reason I got into this sport. The prince charming of Spain who's so classy and gracious and just such a good teammate no matter where he is at. With his powerful tractor beam big brown eyes. Long live the smooth operator! Vamos Carlos!

Esteban Ocon. Am I aware that this is like loving the problematic lead in a film or book just cause he has babygirl energy? Yes. Is that gonna stop me? Hell naw! I like his backstory, disarmed by his squishy little face, and I vowed to defend him from all harm like the minute after I watched him analyze Cars as being an accurate depiction of various racing aspects. Plus he's from the same region of France as where my family originates. So while Carlos is my F1 husband Estie is like my F1 baby bro. I will call him "teapot" it's a long story feel free to send me an ask about it. I will also call him Esteban "Can Do No Wrong" Ocon. Yes I'm fully self aware of how delulu I am about this man having no flaws (he does I've just elected to ignore them in favor of being charmed by the innocent face)

Daniel Ricciardo - I'm from Texas, I'm an extrovert, I'm legally obligated to stan this man to the moon and back. The Honey Badger is my spirit animal. Not the actual creature, just chaos gremlin Daniel. His energy is infectious and he brings the party and he loves my state. How could I do anything but support him?

George Russell - he was probably the second crush I got in F1 and I kinda love how in spite of his posh model energy he actually isn't from some moneyed or legacy background and he's so delightfully clueless at times "goat, sorry?" And the videos of him with kiddos he's so sweet and attentive to them

Checo - the Mexican minister of Defense. The down to earth friendly dad energy. He's just so solid and sweet and I love what he does to help mellow Max just by ya know being the chill dad Max never had. Also he an authentic Mexican, endorsed Tex-Mex so obvs I'm gonna love this man and wanna get tacos and drinks. He has that approachable energy and given the US's one driver might not even have a seat next year I gotta support our neighbor Mexico's driver cause I sure ain't supporting the Canadian nepo baby

Fernando Alonso - this mainly has to do with sex appeal let's be real. He's got that edgy bad boy kinda external vibe in some ways but then he's backstage arranging flowers and it's like "I could fix him and make him settle down" he's got charm style and is basically an immortal and foxy as hell. Let me try to domesticate this man please!

Charles Leclerc - sweet, I would vote him most likely to be true even while he's traveling abroad being swooned over and having fans handing him marriage licenses. He's just a little too type A for me to love him like I do my golden retriever energy chaos creatures and chill guys of the previous 6. But he's great and it's because of him and Carlos in the C² videos that I got roped into this sport so he's gotta make it. Plus after all the loss he's experienced he's a real inspiration in staying kind in spite of the pain of life

Max Verstappen - speaking of inspirations my traumatized ass can't help but support one of my own. He's an icon of breaking cycles. Yes he's definitely had his issues but he's matured in some ways and while I don't care if he wins or not on the track I'm very invested in him winning at life which him being a doting stepdad to Penelope is the kind of healing that helps me heal too. Children of hard ass dads who didn't realize their childhood was fucked up, unite! Plus he's an absolute goofball and that's endearing

Logan Sargent - I'm american, independence day is literally my favorite holiday, I have to have this man in my top 10 and I genuinely do think he's a classy guy (especially considering he's from Florida) and I can't help but love how the one American driver is just so painfully American looking. He looks like Captain America fucked an apple pie. He looks like scientists designed an American in a lab. He looks like the Beach Boys had a grandson with the descendants of Betsy Ross. He looks like a team scoured frat parties for a year to find the most American looking guy in the country. He is Logan Sargent and he is Kenough.

Valterri Bottas - his absolute self confidence and zero fucks given. He does not take himself too seriously and he is wholesome AF. He also has practical guy energy. Like if I hand to rank drivers on Most Likely to Pull Over and Help You Change a Tire he's definitely in the top 3. He seems like getting his hands dirty is something he's not too good to do and he seems like a good dude. Plus he's hilarious. He's as chaotic as Daniel in some ways he's just a little less boisterous about it. Calm chaos vs 5 year old given 16 energy drinks in an hour Ricciardo energy

[faggotmox]

title: violation rating: explicit pairing: Wheeler Yuta/Jon Moxley/Claudio Castagnoli, background Yuta/Mox/Claudio/Bryan/Regal word count: 14,358 warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Drugging, Psychological Torture, Anal Sex, piss 'play' (more maybe listed on ao3), Dead Dove Don't Eat notes: shout out to sarah for helping proof this :D summary: Is it a nightmare or reality Yuta experiences post All Out? Stress can have a profound impact on a person.

[link to ao3]

Being a pro-wrestler meant spending a good amount of time in hospital waiting rooms. Either waiting for yourself or friends, just waiting. There was no one else here but Yuta, and the strangers in need of help. No one else was here by Bryan’s side. Just Yuta and the wait.

Nurses had informed Yuta that it would be awhile before“they would have any information they could share with him. There had to be a lot of tests and exams done because of the violent nature of the attack, as well as Bryan’s medical history. One of the PAs was nice enough to bring their bags to the hospital since they were, for good reason, left at the stadium

After seeing Yuta trying to wrangle so many bags the same nurse came back asking if she could store some of his things in the nurse’s locker room for him. All he needed was his water bottle and backpack. Once everything else was put away he told her he needed to take a walk to clear his head, but gave her his phone number so she could call him as soon as anything became known.

Yuta made his way outside, breathing in the smoggy air of Chicago. While walking Yuta realized he was picking at the embroidered letters on the left breast of his jacket. The tiny white threads fraying under his fingers. The name of his club, part of his life and identity for years. He didn’t let himself think about it, he couldn’t yet.

On the third pass around the hospital campus Yuta realized he should probably head back. The cool air had chilled him. There hadn’t been any call yet, but he was getting tired. At least he could sort of sleep in the hospital chairs. The idea of going back in filled the young man with anxiety so he stopped on a bench for a moment, trying to gather himself.

The water bottle in the backpack’s side pouch probably didn't have much left in it. The heavy steel felt nice in Yuta’s hands, real and solid. The edges of the National Park sticker he slapped on there were coming up. As he examined the bottle, Yuta found that the edges of the Swiss flag sticker were still perfect, and the same for the skull sticker at the bottom.

Why had he noticed that?

Yuta shook the thoughts out of his head and opened the bottle. He took a few big gulps, finding more water than he thought. Once he had his fill, Yuta mustered the courage to get up. There was a salty taste in his mouth so he took a few more sips off the bottle only to find that it was the source of the salty taste.

“I don’t remember putting an electrolyte pack in this…” Yuta muttered to himself as he got going.

A rustling noise made Yuta look up sharply, glancing around for the source. Even though the ER was busy, it was a pretty quiet night. No one else was walking around. The only sign of other people were the green lit security cars going by in rounds. The feeling of being watched surfaced in Yuta’s nervous system, something that he couldn’t quite shake.

Instead of figuring it out he just went for the first hospital entrance. It wasn’t the ER, and Yuta wasn’t sure the door was even supposed to be unlocked. It was though, the glass slightly ajar, so he went through it and into the hallway.

“Oh, thank Christ…” Yuta muttered as he saw the ER at the other end of the hallway. “This must be the other way in.”

All of a sudden Yuta was hit with a wave of drowsiness and nausea. The feeling came out of nowhere. For a moment he decided to lean on the wall because everything felt like he was on a boat. Something else came forward though, pushing through the nausea. For the first time since the attack the young man felt…not terrified or anxious.

Slowly Yuta started to relax down the wall, finding his home on the floor. The nausea ebbed away until the wrestler was just drowsy and relaxed, his eyes half closed as he rode out whatever wave of calm came over him.

Down the hallway Yuta could see people going about their work. No one knew he was back here. He knew that something shouldn’t be sitting right, or maybe he should be scared. But he wasn’t. In fact he felt pretty good. Aside from the short bursts of nausea which were getting further apart.

For some reason Yuta couldn’t stop watching the quick crossing of people passing the end of the hall. Without thinking too much about it, he raised the water bottle to his lips. Before much could get into his mouth someone was pulling it out of his hands, very soft and gentle.

“I think that’s enough of that, yes?” Claudio was suddenly there, smiling softly behind a mask.

“What?” Yuta stared blankly at what he could only assume was a hallucination of his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend probably).

“How are you feeling, baby?” Claudio made the water bottle disappear without breaking eye contact with the young man on the floor.

“Weird?” Yuta muttered, still taking in the fact that he was seeing the man who just betrayed him. It took a moment to process that Claudio was in a black cap and hoodie, and had donned a hospital-provided surgical mask. “You’re not real?”

“Of course we’re real.” Claudio smiled, pulling the mask off to show his face. “You look a little sick, babe, we should help you to the bathroom.”

“We?” Yuta blinked a few times. Like ghosts Mox appeared, wearing the exact same thing as Claudio. PAC and Marina stood further back. “What the fuck…”

“Shh.” Claudio leaned forward to lightly kiss Yuta, pacifying the young man before helping him up.

“Wheeler.” Mox had an arm wrapped around the woozy man, leaning in to speak into Yuta’s ear. “My prince.”

“What the fuck is happening?” Yuta grunted again as he walked away from the wall toward a bathroom further away.

“We’re helping you, Wheeler,” Claudio reassured him, his soothing voice feeling less genuine than usual. “You may have drunk something you shouldn’t have.”

The door to the bathroom swung open. Regretfully no one was inside, but thankfully Marina and PAC stayed outside. The eerie sense of danger struck Yuta, but it also didn’t raise any alarms. He just felt himself getting horny as his two boyfriends (ex? probably) manhandled him. It felt so familiar in a moment so strange.

“I don’ need t’throw up,” Yuta slurred once they were alone.

“We know.” Mox let go to walk over to the countertop off to the side of the sinks. “Put my prince here. I wanna tell ‘im a story.”

Suddenly Yuta was lifted by the Swiss man and carried the rest of the way. Something about the action now pissed off Yuta, whereas it used to be one of his favorite things about fucking Caudio.

“Don’ fuckin’ pick me up, asshole.” Yuta made sure his words were much more formed this time, pushing against the larger man as he was placed on the counter.

“Shh. Relax, baby. I know you love when I lift you.” Claudio spoke softly into the younger man’s ear.

“I’m mad at you.” Yuta pushed harder on Claudio, he may have been out of it but he saw the nice guy façade flicker off for just a moment. It was hard to think, to remember, but Yuta could just barely remember shoving Claudio in the ring earlier only to be hit back.

“Hey. Relax.” Mox jerked his chin at his counterpart. “Hey, sweetheart.” His attention turned back to his young boy. “I’ve missed you.”

Mox was between Yuta’s knees, pushing up against the edge of the counter. Hands found hips. For the first time ever Yuta felt uncomfortable with Mox touching him. Something was telling him to fight back but he just didn’t really want to. There had been enough fighting, Yuta didn’t want to keep fighting his loved ones.

“Hey, don’t worry.” Mox had a hand on the young boy’s jaw, keeping their eyes connected. “I can help with all that--” He gestured at Yuta’s head. “Close your eyes and open your mouth for me, baby.”

“I donno.” Yuta tried to look away but was held in place.

Yuta was feeling less bad now, but also like he cared less. What more could these two do to him that hadn’t already been done? The violence Yuta could stomach, it was the actions he struggled to accept. There was a moment of rare patience from Mox. Finally Yuta timidly opened his mouth, but paused before also closing his eyes.

The jangle of the water bottle could be heard. The ridged feeling of the rim was familiar to Yuta. Without thinking much about it the young boy took a hefty drink. The salty taste was less strong than he remembered. Eyes still closed, he savored the moment of safety. Something else hit his tongue and Yuta went to open his eyes.

“No, no,” Mox tutted, his hand even covering Yuta’s eyes. “Swallow for me like the good boy I know you are.”

And he did. It was Mox’s raspy voice calling him a good boy and asking him to swallow. How could he not? Yuta was trying to fight to the surface but he just didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. The way Mox’s hands sent electric sparks over his nerve endings was too distracting.

“See, Claudio, he’s still a good boy.” Mox threw a grin over his shoulder at the looming figure behind him.

“We’ll see.” Claudio’s dark eyes drilled straight through Yuta.

“‘M mad’ch you both.” Yuta had to grit his teeth, holding onto that far off rage as waves of calm washed over him.

“That’s why I’m gonna tell you a story, sweetheart.” Mox grinned, all teeth as his hands brushed over the maroon shirt Yuta was wearing. “Just relax.”

“Stop,” Yuta found himself muttering but even he didn’t believe himself.

“Does it not feel good?” Mox paused, a vaguely concerned look that could be fake.

“It--” Yuta closed his eyes, trying to figure out what he wasn’t saying right. It still felt good to have these hands on his skin. “Yeah?”

“Remember our first match?” Mox bypassed the answer, leaning in as if that were the permission. Quietly he spoke into Yuta’s ear, hands running up his sides like sparklers on his skin. “Greatest forty seconds of my life.”

“Jon…” Yuta moaned when one hand passed over a certain part of his ribcage that was more sensitive. “‘Member gettin’ m’ass kicked.”

“I loved kicking it, baby.” Mox nibbled on his ear, feeling goosebumps under his hands. “I chased you after that. Obsessed with you. I couldn’t get you outta my head. Then Bryan…Bryan said your name first.”

“Jon, please.” Yuta shook his head slightly, dizziness hitting him.

Slowly Mox pulled back, his hand coming up to cup the back of Yuta’s neck. They locked eyes. There was something in the depths of the icy blues that Yuta just couldn’t figure out. A message just for him but he didn’t know what it said. More waves of calm hit Yuta, the last of his willpower being overturned.

“I knew you were my prince in those forty seconds, Wheeler.” Mox’s words held a sincerity that actually scared Yuta. It’d be easier if Mox just hated him. “And I mean mine.”

“I don’t understand. Why?” Yuta reached up to touch Mox’s check, feeling the coarse ginger hair.

“You will. Let me tell you a story.” Mox’s hands were back on Yuta, driving the young man’s body crazy. “There once was this kingdom. The King,” strong hands squeezed Yuta’s thighs, “allowed everyone to do as they pleased, but every so often the King would need to knock some heads. Then one day a dragon came.” Mox started working to open the belt holding up the black jeans on skinny hips. “This dragon propositioned the King, saying that they could share the prince the King was entitled to. They could share the kingdom and all the gold.” Sharp eyes stayed glued to Yuta’s face.

“But see, the King knew not to trust a dragon when it came to that which we covet. He asked the dragon what he would receive in return, because the King did not deal with those who did not battle with him.” Mox opened up the zipper of the young boy’s jeans. The loud metallic whine echoed off the bathroom walls. “The dragon claimed he wasn’t there as a threat, that he had heard that the King here was the greatest King there was and wanted to join such a fierce ruler. So the dragon would agree to battle the King, and then stand alongside the King, promising to help build the kingdom. With a dragon the King would be unstoppable.”

“Seems pretty fuckin’ stupid t’ trust a dragon.” Yuta sighed, feeling like this was taking too long.

“The King never trusted the dragon, Wheeler,” Claudio chimed in from his menacing position under a half-burned-out fluorescent light.

“Claudio’s right.” Mox nodded, his hand slowly sneaking into Yuta’s underwear. “The King never trusted the dragon, but knew that the dragon could help him get his prince. So the King called in his Knight, his closest confidant. Together they tamed the dragon, claiming the King’s prince, and ruled together for years. Until…the dragon…got…greedy.”

“Oh, fuck.” Yuta’s brain became a kaleidoscope of pleasure. This exact thing had happened before, but tonight it felt so much better. “J-Jon.”

“Did you even realize you were hard for me, slut?” The gravel in Mox’s voice sharpened the accusation, making the other squirm. “Is my story too interesting?”

“Not really,” Yuta panted, his drowsy eyes becoming more awake.

The sudden pain registered before the loud crack of the slap. Yuta’s world rocked back and forth as a devastating sting bloomed across the skin of his face. Everything felt good. The slap reminded Yuta of Regal, the way that man used to brutalize them. He felt his cock twitching in Mox’s palm.

“Look at that, getting turned on by a little violence and pain, baby?” Mox teased.

“Maybe he still can wear that jacket,” Claudio scoffed.

“Anyways, my story.” Mox fondled the head of the young boy’s cock, palming the sensitive gland with his big, warm hand. “When a dragon gets greedy there’s only one thing a King can do to protect his kingdom. Do you know what that is, Wheeler? Why does the King always have Knights by his side?”

“F-Fuck….no? I don’t--” Yuta shook his head, closing his eyes. The memory of Mox sliding the plastic bag over Bryan’s head was playing in his mind’s eye.

“You slay the dragon, and take back what belongs to you,” Mox growled in Yuta’s ear. “Take back your kingdom, your gold, and your prince.”

The word prince was punctuated by Mox squeezing Yuta’s dick almost painfully. To Yuta it just felt good. Even with his eyes closed and his brain playing them attacking Bryan over and over again, he was still horny. He tried to force the horrific scene in his head to get out of this, but Mox knew everything he liked.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Mox grunted, voice laced with a poison sweetness. “I am too. Wheeler, it was so fucking sexy taking Bry down like that.” The nickname sent an uncomfortable shot through Yuta. “I was so fuckin’ hard feeling him thrash and fight as he lost his ability to breathe. Fucking idiot, made it easy for me by not conserving his oxygen.”

Everything inside Yuta snapped back. All the anger and pain, the way Mox spoke about Bryan. The familiarity and sexual nature of it sent the younger man over the edge. Just as Yuta came he headbutted Mox, right between the eyes thanks to the counter he was sitting on. When Mox pulled back Yuta used the space to slam a punch as hard as he could into Mox’s liver.

“Fuck!” Mox laughed as he reached out to grab Yuta’s hands.

Yuta was losing steam, feeling like he was being sucked under again. It took most of his power but he pushed himself forward off the countertop as Mox wrestled his hands. They staggered backwards together thanks to the ginger man’s grip not letting them fall. Yuta was woozy, at this point he was just falling into his boyfriend. (ex? yeah.)

“Alright, that’s enough.” Mox sighed in annoyance.

Everything went upside down for Yuta. A huge pain blossomed in his back. All the air rushed out of his lungs. For a few seconds everything was stars before the world started rushing back. Yuta’s body screamed at him that he was going to throw up.

“Ugh.” The gurgle groan got a few laughs that Yuta couldn't pay attention to right now.

Just as Yuta forced his body to turn over on the grimy tile with a hefty groan he felt his stomach contract. A heavy amount of pain obscured his ability to feel his body. No retching came but he heard the others laughing more at the few dry heaves. Opening his eyes was a difficult task but if Yuta focused he could see.

“Fuck, it’s kinda hot.” Mox nudged the taller man with an elbow as they watched the young boy.

“I’d agree.” Claudio gave an approving nod, standing behind Mox now. Large hand rubbing the hard outline of the man’s dick through the tight black pants. “Hasn’t even realized, King.”

“Nah. To be fair he must be feeling out of this world by now.” Mox’s tongue stuck out slightly as he watched his young boy wither on the floor.

“Excellent throw, by the way.” Claudio said casually as he kissed Mox’s neck. “You should tell him.”

“Tell me wha’?” Yuta stayed limp on the cold floor. It felt good. Some sort of relief had overtaken him, and he was riding one of those long waves of horny calm now.

Reluctantly Mox extracted himself from the Swiss man. All Yuta could really think about was how good Mox’s dick looked against those pants. The stiff, girthy outline was mouth watering. The ginger man crouched down, a smirk on his face as he reached out to start taking Yuta’s jacket off. Sliding the arm through, then the other. Finally he roughly tugged the BCC jacket out from under Yuta and tossed it to Claudio.

“You pissed yourself, kid.” Mox chuckled as he knelt back down.

“Wha’?” Yuta blinked a few times at the man leaning over him before he looked down at his crotch. Sure enough…he had pissed himself. There was come, and piss soaked his underwear and ran down his leg to puddle on the floor. “Oh fuck. How…?”

“I knocked the piss outta you with that throw. Don’t worry, I made sure you didn’t get any on your precious jacket.” Mox’s cruel tease just made his target whimper.

“This bathroom is out of order.” Claudio mentioned as he walked closer. “And I really need to piss.”

“Funny.” Mox stood up, stretching his arms over his hand. “I gotta take a leak too.”

“Fuck. Why’s this hot?” Yuta groaned to himself. A feeling of weird, sexy shame welled up in his belly. “I don’t want this?”

“But don’t you?” Claudio shrugged, the nice guy flickering on again like he was helping Yuta accept an unconventional sex thing about himself. “You came so hard you pissed yourself, baby.”

“I did, yeah…” Yuta just felt…good. Other than a little dry mouth his body was feeling like it was on cloud nine.

“He looks thirsty, C.” Mox winked, noticing the smacking of the young boy’s lips. “Take care of my prince.”

To Yuta’s surprise it wasn’t urine to quench his thirst. Actually Claudio kindly got his water bottle. Careful hands helped Yuta sip some of the salty oasis. The bottle was mostly empty now. Again Claudio made the bottle disappear out of the young boy’s sight.

A large hand gripped the collar of Yuta’s shirt, scrunching up the maroon material. As Claudio started dragging Yuta, the collar choked the younger man. Not much but enough to make him cough. His back met the cool wall, sliding down it enough to be considered slumped.

“Jerk off, baby. You feel good, don’t ya?” Mox walked closer, one hand undoing his belt buckle the rest of the way.

There was a whole part of Yuta detached from everything, but another part that was so present that he couldn’t deny he was into it. Everything felt incredible; he’d already come and his body wanted more. The nagging thought that this might be the last time he ever had these men, or the absolution that this might not even be happening drove Yuta to comply.

“C’mon, baby, do it for your King.” The pink of Mox’s tongue poked out as he watched his young boy work to push his pants down, underwear going with it. “Good boy. I told you he was still a good boy, Claudio.”

“Perhaps.” Claudio’s skeptical look was something Yuta had never been on the receiving end of, and it crushed a certain part of the smaller wrestler. Always Claudio had an unshakable faith in Yuta that had now disappeared. “I do not think he understands the privilege he has of serving his King.”

“Always looking out for my honor.” Mox’s attention completely left Yuta for him to beam at his most trusted confidant, his knight in shining armor.

“It is my duty to protect my King.” Claudio’s sure voice had Yuta wince, and his skin crawled.

“That’s why you’re here.” Mox’s hand clasped around the back of the larger man’s neck, their eyes on each other as if no one else was there.

The devotion and sincerity to Mox like he was a higher power came through as alarming. Yuta had never seen this side of Claudio, not even a hint. Even in Yuta’s current state he could tell something was off with his boyfriends. (yes, ex-boyfriends. right.)

Even the way Mox jerked the taller man down seemed rough. The way they handled each other was brutal. Yuta thought they were going to kiss. Instead Mox bit into Claudio’s lower lip until he bled. Even as teeth tore through sensitive skin Claudio didn’t flinch. Sure the BCC had been hard, rough, and even brutal. Yuta knew how odd the thought sounded in his head. It felt different now.

Despite the violent display happening above Yuta making him question the other two’s sanity, he was still working his cock like he’d been told to do. Mox’s fingers dug into the back of Claudio’s neck as he worked the wound for more blood. The soft whimpering that rumbled from Claudio’s chest made Yuta’s heart stop. That was the same sound Claudio made when they were kissing.

“You’re it,” Mox whispered, trying not to let Yuta hear their crazed intimacy. “You’re the reason I can take back what’s mine. You are the King Maker, and because of that, when it comes to my prince, what's mine is rightfully yours.”

“King--” Claudio looked so softly at the man holding him by the neck.

“Sh.” Mox stopped the other from speaking, bringing up his hand to smear the blood across the Swiss man’s mouth. “You’re beautiful.”

“I’m still right fuckin’ here,” Yuta grunted. “Sitting in my own piss.”

“You’re jerking off, aren’t you?” Mox growled as he was forced to end the moment with his trusted knight. “Jealous little bitch.”

“Fuck you,” Yuta spat.

There was too much movement for Yuta to keep track of as Claudio went to strike him, but Mox stopped the larger man. The fire in Claudio’s eyes told Yuta that he was incredibly lucky to be spared. Again, the young boy wasn’t familiar with this Claudio.

“You know I like his mouth. It’s okay.” Mox leaned into the hold he had on Claudio’s arm to nuzzle his neck. “You can do the honors. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Thank you.” Claudio relaxed, straightening up after the nuzzling pacified him. “You honor me.”

“You deserve it.” Mox pulled back, but his eyes stayed on the red around the other’s mouth. “Let’s pick up the pace. We have a lot to do.”

“Yes, King.” Claudio gave a stiff nod.

“Fuckin’ finally,” Yuta mumbled, his eyes had dropped in drowsiness again.

“You’re lucky,” Claudio reminded the slumped man. “You won’t be for long, and I’ll remember when it’s time.”

“Cryptic as usual.” Yuta shrugged, not caring anymore about the conversation because the man in front of him was pulling out his dick.

Claudio made sure to crowd Yuta as his cock flopped out of his shorts. The massive length always impressed the younger man, he loved taking it in any form. So many memories of times before rushed back to him as he looked up at a man so much different than the man in his memories. This wouldn’t even be the first time they’d pissed on him.

The hot stream landed heavily on Yuta’s chest, soaking the maroon to a deeper shade. The spreading warmth made the young boy moan, his hand working his cock to full hardness. Just as he got carried away, his eyes closing from the pleasure, Claudio flicked his stream up into Yuta’s face.

Instantly, Yuta pulled away. A new kind of betrayal. Getting piss on Yuta’s face intentionally had been a hard limit, along with drinking it. At the time Claudio had gently assured him those preferences were fine and not unusual. Using that against Yuta was a different kind of low.

“Keep your fuckin’ hands down, bitch,” Mox warned when he noticed Yuta instinctively trying to block the stream.

“Cryptic enough, Wheeler?” Claudio snarked as the stream started to die down, and leaned forward just to make sure every last drop landed on the Yutas face. “Fuck you.”

“Okay! I get it.” Yuta reached down to grab his shirt, wanting to use it to clean his face off some before he realized it was soaked.

“Why do you think he didn’t just go for the face?” Mox laughed while he watched his distressed young boy. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I won’t piss on your face, but then again you didn’t piss me off.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuta nearly sobbed. “Can I please-- just--?”

“Fuckin’ Christ. You broke him just by doing that?” Mox was still snickering, hand on his dick.

“It was one of the few hard limits he refused to move on.” Claudio mentioned off-handedly. Like it was just some casual fact instead of an intimate personal thing. “He told me why, too.”

“Don’t.” Yuta actually sobbed, he felt tears washing away the piss.

“Why?” Mox was giddy.

“Once on a very long drive, Trent poured a bottle of piss on Wheeler’s face while he was asleep.” Claudio summarized the traumatic story, each word making Yuta cry even harder.

“Fuck, that dude is a prick.” Mox laughed even more. “That’s fuckin’ funny.”

“Everyone was in the van, weren’t they?” Claudio was suddenly very close to Yuta, kneeling down. “Answer.”

“Yes.” Yuta hiccuped the word out between sobs. It was like reliving the moment on a fast loop.

“No one gave a shit, did they?” Claudio urged. “What was it that Orange said? Damn it Trent, now the car is going to smell like pee.”

“Y-Yes.” Yuta shook his head, unable to stop from remembering that moment.

“God damn, dude. You stayed with those assholes way too long. Get out of the splash zone, C.” Mox urged. “Unless you want some backsplash.”

“After tonight we may have our own shower.” Claudio’s voice moved further away.

Yuta didn’t want to open his eyes. Tightly screwed shut since the first moment piss splashed his face. Nothing was stopping the loop of Trent’s mistreatment, he couldn’t climb free. He knew he needed to open his eyes, ground himself that he wasn’t back then. Not that right now was much better.

Finally the choice was ripped away from Yuta. The only choice tonight he was grateful not to have to make. From deep inside his head Yuta heard Mox ask for water and then something ran over his face. A few slaps and Yuta had the courage to open his eyes.

“Fuckin’ pussy. It’s no fun if you’re catatonic.” Mox groaned as if this was some huge inconvenience Yuta had caused. “Keep your eyes open or I piss on your face. Also if you stop jerking off I’ll piss on your face.”

“It’s not like that’s been a problem.” Claudio’s snark made Yuta realize that his hand was still massaging his dick.

After Mox told his young boy to keep his hands down, he had. Then Yuta reverted back to the original order to jerk off. It made his head spin more that this was so ingrained in him after all these years.

A lot of strange things had happened tonight, but even Yuta had to admit to himself that noticing that Mox’s piss was clearer than normal had to be up there. It wasn’t just clearer but clear. Yuta marveled at that. Mox had pissed on and near him before, he had heard countless arguments from Bryan about how Mox needed to drink more water because his piss was dark.

“Your piss is clear.” Yuta watched as the hefty stream soaked his crotch, allowing his hand to slip and slide even better. A moan slipped past his lips.

“Claudio’s keeping me healthy.” Mox moaned as he watched his young boy’s cock under his piss. “Only water, and two cups of coffee a day. You’re lucky.”

Yuta’s deconstructed brain wondered if Claudio’s control over Mox’s diet was the reason for the massive physical difference now. Mox was unbelievably cut, his waist shrinking down and he was packed with more defined muscles. These days Mox was starting to look like a bodybuilder, his physique mimicking Claudio’s in some ways.

As the stream ended Yuta realized he spent the whole time worrying about the abrupt change in all of Mox’s usual habits. The last few drops were shaken off until Yuta was just sitting in a massive puddle of three men’s piss, his clothes completely ruined.

“That feels better.” Mox sighed as he finished, looking down at the very wet Wheeler.

“He kind of looks like PAC,” Claudio joked, but only actually laughed when Mox playfully shoved him.

“Alright, alright. Get him stripped, and over the counter.” Mox stepped back to allow his right-hand man to do the work.

While Claudio undressed Yuta, the young boy watched Mox watch them. The black jacket was tossed onto the sinks. As Mox’s belt escaped each loop Yuta watched closely, captivated. There was a sense that if he looked hard enough then he might understand, or maybe he was just horny.

The black jeans were slung low over Mox’s hips. Shirt so snug it rode up a little near the ginger man’s hips. The slutty little jut he used to teased them all any chance he got. Yuta watched as Mox slowly stripped himself of the t-shirt too, mostly for his young boy’s pleasure.

“Fuck, he looks good.” Yuta didn’t know he was speaking out loud until he saw Claudio look over too.

“He looks incredible.” Claudio’s mesmerized voice did little to deter his hands from working.

“I know you two are talkin’ ‘bout me.” Mox sauntered over, tongue poking out between his lips.

“Of course.” Claudio was crouched down as Mox came to a stop in front of him. “Nearly done.” The Swiss man’s eyes traveled lower to the appealing skin just above Mox’s pants.

“You’re good, big man. It ain’t like he’s helping much.” Mox nudged Yuta in the side with his boot.

“Hey.” Yuta tried to push the dirty boot away but missed.

“King?” Claudio looked up at the other man, eyes asking for some sort of permission.

“Go ahead.” Mox grinned, apparently knowing exactly what the other wanted.

Yuta watched as Claudio leaned forward, one hand on Mox’s hip. Just over the jut of the ginger man’s hip, right above the line of his jeans, Claudio pressed a bloody kiss. When the Swiss man pulled away there was a smudged, bloody mark of his lips. It reminded Yuta of the trashy tattoos of a lady’s lipstick print. That sickening devotion oozed out of Claudio.

“Good. Go on and finish up,” Mox urged while admiring the mark.

The last of Yuta’s clothes were stripped away. Nothing left shielding him from the chill or embarrassment. Despite the long interlude Yuta was still mostly hard. The piss was drying on his skin, but the puddle on the ground was still there. This time Claudio didn’t have Yuta’s collar to haul him up so he had to lift the younger man from under his arms.

Everything washed around in Yuta’s vision. It was hard to get his feet under him, not that Claudio seemed to care as he stumbled along. Each inch of Yuta’s body felt gross, but also hot. It was hard to untangle his thoughts and feelings from how good it all felt. Even when Claudio had recounted the Trent story, if Yuta was honest with himself…it was hot. He’d almost come from the shame and embarrassment and traumatic memories.

The counter they had sat him on earlier suddenly was in his face. Yuta grunted at the thud he made on the hard surface, but his body just sang with pleasure. Both of his hands finally came up to rest near his head. For some reason Yuta wasn’t quite sure what was about to happen. Even after everything the other two had done, it just hadn’t clicked yet.

When Yuta realized no one was actually holding him down he pushed himself up just enough to look over his shoulder. Mox and Claudio stood behind him, looking directly at their target. They noticed Yuta looking over so Claudio covered his mouth while speaking. It seemed like they were discussing something based on the way Mox was giving short nods in response to the covered words. There was something like consideration on Mox's face until finally he agreed.

“You’ve got a point. Let’s stick to the plan as much as possible,” Mox muttered before making a sweeping gesture at Yuta. “Go ahead.”

“Wha’s happening?” Yuta felt himself lulling into one of those sleepy waves of serenity.

“Baby, if you don’t realize yet...” Mox just shrugged instead of finishing his statement.

“Well,” Claudio chuckled as he gestured to the hazy man bent over a counter. “As you said earlier, he is out of this world by now.”

“True.” Mox rubbed his chin as he looked at his naked young boy. “Show me my prince, Claudio.

“Yes, King.” Claudio gave a sharp nod.

A large hand pushed at the middle of Yuta’s back, forcing him down. The slow processing of his brain started to finally figure out what was happening just as Claudio spread the younger man’s cheeks. A terrified shiver ran through Yuta as he considered what was going to happen next.

“Fuck, baby, you look pretty damn good yourself,” Mox sounded off with a low whistle, his head tipped to the side slightly as he examined the naked man’s hole. “Damn pretty.”

The first touch Yuta felt was some kind of wet wipe, and it was more startling than he expected. Efficiently Claudio cleaned off his cheeks, his hole and balls. The quick work surprised Yuta before he realized that he was being cleaned up for their sake, not his own. It was a reminder that this was about Mox and Claudio, not Yuta.

Claudio’s first pass with his tongue over Yuta’s hole made the younger man flinch and jerk up. Everything was heightened, it felt so good but he didn’t…he just didn’t want this. Even as all of his nerve endings fired off happily, Yuta tried to reach back to stop it.

“Put your hands back, Wheeler.” Mox sighed as he came closer. “Look, kid, there’s two things that are about to happen. Either you let us take what’s ours, or we take what’s ours.”

“B-But I-I don’t--” Yuta pressed his forehead hard into the fake granite. “I’m mad at you.”

“You might be mad at us, Wheeler, but you will not defy your King,” Claudio growled from behind him.

“You don’t what, kid? You want it. Just look at your leaking cock.” Mox leaned against the counter, reaching out to grab a fist full of dark hair and wrench the younger man’s head back. “We know exactly what makes you feel good, baby. Let us.”

It sounded like a threat so Yuta just nodded as much as he could. There was a light pat to his check before Mox let go of his hair. Yuta’s face smacked the counter again. The soft wet feeling was back at his hole, but even though Yuta’s body told him it felt good, his brain let him know that he was right to feel violated.

Claudio spat on the quivering hole before him and then gathered up his saliva with his fingers to breach Yuta. The touch reminded him that not twelve hours earlier Claudio was sweetly fucking him in the locker room after their loss, promising there would be another chance, another time.

“Ha.” Claudio slipped two fingers into Yuta with ease. “He’s ready.”

“Yeah? The plan though.” Mox licked his lips as he watched Yuta’s trembling body.

“He’s still open from earlier.” Claudio shrugged.

“Clever. Flip him over.” Mox pointed at the bent over man and gestured for the action to happen.

Yuta was determined to flip himself over this time. Every time Claudio took a hold of him was just another reminder that this wasn’t his boyfriend. The nice guy switch was turned off. But Yuta couldn’t get himself turned over quick enough; his limbs felt like tired jello.

As Yuta was moved he moaned, his back tender from the throw earlier as well as his match. The annoying way his cock twitched when his bruised back wasn’t taken care of made Yuta’s eyes well up in tears. Why did it feel good? He knew it shouldn’t.

Suddenly Mox was between his young boy’s legs, forcing out any ponderings over the situation from Yuta’s head. The harsh scrape of jeans against Yuta’s ass made him whimper, his hips even wiggling a little. He could feel Mox’s cock on him.

“You’re tryin’ to tell me you don’t want this, baby? But your body’s begging for it.” Mox moaned as his cock slid against the cleft of Yuta’s ass.

“I don’t want it, Jon.” Yuta’s broken voice contradicted his physical state.

“Baby, you do.” Mox’s thrusts against his young boy’s ass were getting rougher, catching the rim and making Yuta whimper. “Listen to yourself. It’s been a few months, I know you need some of this.”

“Wha’re you even…?” Yuta held his head up to give Mox the most bewildered look. “Wasn’t I always t’one fuckin’ you?”

The flicker of annoyance across Mox’s face let Yuta know he’d done something bad, had disturbed the power fantasy Mox had built for himself. Questioning that delusion seemed to be the only thing that actually made the so-called King angry.

Suddenly real pain blossomed inside Yuta’s core as Mox pushed his way in without mercy. The twitch in Mox’s eyes showing just how pissed he actually felt. Despite being open from earlier activities, Yuta still felt the immense pain of being fucked into totally dry.

“Oh, right. Lube. Maybe I should think before I act? Maybe you should think before you speak, prince.” Mox glared down at the withering man. “Claudio?”

“Sir.” Claudio handed something over to his leader.

Mox pulled out with a painful drag that made his young boy arch off the table. A hand slapped over Yuta’s mouth before he could scream. The sound was muffled by Claudio’s hand. The cool feeling of lube startled Yuta, making his eyes shoot open.

The next thrust felt infinitely better aside from the soreness. Yuta choked back a whine, his head falling back. The girth of Mox’s cock felt so good, Yuta knew from experience, but tonight it felt out of this world. It wasn’t often the young boy got to experience Mox’s cock, and he always cherished when he did get it.

Except for today.

This time had Yuta trembling with anger, shame, and arousal. For a moment he let himself live in the moment, taking in the feeling because he wasn’t ever going to get it again. He didn’t want it, but he craved it. The nostalgia mixing with genuine anger and hate made a confusing tapestry of emotions.

The confusion was more exhausting than anything else. Yuta tried to focus instead on what was happening. The actual feeling, and accepting it. Being present in his body was horrifying, but it was also pleasurable. Staying in his head just made Yuta more sick, so he focused on the harsh, arrhythmic thrusts sending sharp, pleasant sparks through his body.

Mox was always a messy, rough fuck. Heavy hands gripped Yuta’s waist, dragging him harshly by his hips until his ass rested perfectly on the edge. Their bodies meeting flush where they were connected. Tired of holding Yuta’s legs, Mox forced them around his own waist. Without thinking about it, Yuta cinched in, his legs constricting around the tiny waist to rest on Mox’s hips. That brought them perfectly together.

It would be perfect, any other time. Yuta laid back on the counter top, eyes barely open as he watched Mox fuck into him. Every muscle was on display as Mox’s skin shined with sweat. Whatever Mox had been up to lately had him looking extra cut too, Yuta of course noticed. The man looked incredible towering over Yuta, making him feel like he was on the moon. The view was something Yuta wanted to remember forever, and forget as soon as possible.

The dominance oozing out of Mox as he took what was ‘his’ was so different. The act would be hot if Yuta didn’t know Mox so well already. It was like only the jagged pieces of his boyfriend were left, and they were all turned inward. As if Mox had taken a razor to every scar on his body. Yuta didn’t understand, and that scared him. Mox was scaring him.

There must have been something on Yuta’s face because Claudio was moving before he even made the decision. Yuta couldn’t muster up any swiftness, but he tried his best. One of Mox’s hands had moved from his hip to his abs, just feeling Yuta’s body trembling. Yuta reached down to grab the other man’s wrist with the opposite hand, pulling Mox forward and then cinching his legs higher.

The movement forced Mox’s feet to slip back as his chest fell forward. It wasn’t much but Yuta was able to force more of his body off the counter like he wanted. The idea was for Mox to drop him or slip. That way Yuta could attack for real. The hand that had been on the younger man’s hip moved to support Mox’s weight against the counter.

“No.” Mox’s stern voice rang out.

At first Yuta thought it was towards him, but he saw Claudio stop instead. A strange twitch to his face at being told to stand down. Yuta growled as he pushed his hips further out until Mox had to step back, and the younger man’s body slid from the countertop. Instead of dropping to the floor Mox held them up, one hand on Yuta’s ass as he leaned back to keep Yuta on his cock.

“Oh, fuck.” Yuta found himself moaning as Mox slid deeper into him.

The distraction meant Yuta lost control of the wrist. Instinctively his arms went around Mox’s neck, and suddenly they weren’t fighting anymore. They were fucking again.

“Fuck, baby,” Mox moaned in his ear. “That was fuckin’ hot. Clever. I wasn’t paying you enough attention.”

Strong arms kept Yuta strapped to the fuzzy chest. Slow, shallow thrusts had Yuta whimpering. The only thing he could realistically do was strike, but he didn’t have the strength or coordination. Suddenly Yuta decided to just wiggle, trying to break Mox’s hold.

“Hey, C.” Mox’s laughter wasn’t what Yuta wanted to hear. “Help me out with our little ex-Pure Champ.”

“3 time former Pure Champ, asshole!” Yuta found some strength in that anger, reeling back to headbutt Mox in the face.

Their faces connected a lot softer than Yuta wanted. Most of Yuta connected with the side of his (yeah, ex) boyfriend’s mouth. Everything was a seesaw for the young man as he tried to figure out what was happening now. New hands were on him now, controlling him and moving his body wherever they wanted.

It sunk in just how familiar being held like this felt. Claudio practically had him in a full nelson. Not that Yuta could use his arms well before but now he had no control. The taller man leaned against the counter, supporting Yuta’s trunk as Mox angled him so they could keep going. Not once had Mox slipped out.

“You wouldn’t be my prince if you didn’t put up a fight, huh?” Mox smirked up at his young boy. Yuta stopped fighting when he saw genuine affection there. “Now let me finish up. Claudio still deserves his turn.”

“Take your time, King.” Claudio sounded completely willing to wait his turn even though the long, hard outline of his cock pressed against his captive’s back.

“You’re a good boy.” Mox was looking over Yuta at the Swiss man, smiling and winking. “Fuck. We’re going to fuck so hard later.” The thrusts got harder until Yuta whined. “Can’t fuckin’ wait.”

“You--” Claudio glanced down at Yuta, clearly not wanting for their young boy to hear him but his desire to please his false king persisted. “You will make me bleed again?”

“Fuck.” Mox moaned, his eyes screwing tight as he slammed into Yuta’s overwhelmed body. “I kissed you earlier, didn’t I?”

“Please, King.” Claudio’s grip tightened on Yuta, boardlining painful.

“I’d bleed you dry if I didn’t need you.” Mox was breathing harder, his hips working faster as he drove harder into their captive.

It sounded so strange and psychotic to Yuta. They all had their things, sure, and they were all willing to play with Mox’s blood kink. The sincerity of the statement didn’t sit right with Yuta. Like a lot of things these two had been doing in the last ten hours.

“Fuck it. I’m gonna come.” Mox was still looking at Claudio. They may as well have forgotten Yuta was there.

“I cannot wait to fuck him with your seed.” Claudio’s dark voice rumbled against Yuta.

“Holy shit.” Mox slammed one final time into the abused hole. “That’s it, baby. Take it.”

Yuta was hyper aware of the feeling of hot spurts coating his insides. Despite the entire situation Yuta’s cock was still mostly hard, twitching to full hardness as Mox came inside him. The sharp, little thrusts as Mox made sure to fully empty himself drove Yuta wild.

It was gone in moments, leaving Yuta frustrated and disgusted. His body went limp against Claudio’s hold. There was no escape. At least it felt good, he thought to himself.

“Where’ya want him?” Mox grunted as he came down from his high. Ever so slowly his hard cock grew softer inside Yuta, slipping out little by little.

“We can lay him down.” Claudio shrugged.

Together they gently dumped Yuta onto the ground. The young man groaned, his body curling in. Nothing…hurt? Not really. They were being violent but Yuta wasn’t being hurt.

“You can play with yourself, babe.” Mox was stretching as he stood over his young boy. “You’re hard as a rock. Leaking all over yourself.”

Sure enough, Yuta looked and saw his cock was swollen, aching for attention. Slowly he uncurled his body enough to comfortably stroke his cock. The waves of calm took longer to hit now but Yuta was catching one. This time he tried to embrace it since nothing else had worked.

“Wheeler.” Claudio addressed him suddenly as he knelt in front of Mox to do up his King’s pants. “Do not let any of his seed leak out, or I won’t be using lube. Understand me?”

The command was hot as hell. Yuta nodded in agreement quickly. There had been vaguely similar threats in the comfort of their bedroom before. It took a moment for Yuta to fully shift onto his back, hand reaching down past his aching cock to finger his hole. Carefully pushing and keeping in anything that Mox left behind.

Looking over Yuta watched Claudio lightly nip at the skin just above where Mox’s jeans sat. Little bite marks and bruises. The larger man nuzzled the marks he left, clearly proud of them, and his King reached down to pet Claudio’s bald head.

The sweet affection the pair shared made Yuta’s stomach turn and his heart ache to be included. They weren’t like this before. The change in power, who did what, the brutality of it left Yuta’s head spinning and his cock hard. These weren’t the two men he’d spent the last few years exploring with. Maybe Mox and Claudio weren’t different, Yuta thought, maybe this was who they really were under everything. Years of a convincing mask ripped away.

“It’s your turn,” Mox encouraged in a quiet tone, still petting the other man. Their eyes stayed locked, neither moving as they were entranced with each other.

“As you wish, Sir.” Claudio laid one last bite mark to Mox’s belt before standing up.

Yuta watched the pair closely as he fingered himself. Studying the way they approached and touched each other. There had always been a special sort of affection the Swiss man had for Mox that borderlined on obsessiveness. Now they were both embracing their psychotic connection.

“At least he still listens,” Claudio commented as he walked toward their young boy.

“Ah, Wheeler’s always been a slut. He just wants to feel good, huh?” Mox mocked as he walked towards his t-shirt on the sink.

“Sound’ike someone else’n t’room.” Yuta frowned at the jumbled words.

“What the fuck did he say?” Mox laughed. “Jesus. Lightweights, huh.”

“He said,” Claudio stood over the man in question. “Sounds like someone else in the room.” The displeasure in his voice made Yuta’s skin crawl.

“Mouthy brat.” Mox huffed as he tucked his shirt back in.

“S’you.” Yuta fired back. Really what he wanted to say was takes one to know one but clearly his words were compressed.

“Oh-ho!” Mox clapped his hands together. There was actual amusement on his face when he joined Claudio standing over him. “You know, Wheeler, I have to admit that sometimes I gotta real soft spot for you. Like when I tapped out for you at Blood & Guts. I shouldn’t have. I like you, I know you’re a funny little brat. It makes me weak at times.” He sighed as he crouched down near his young boy's head. “Luckily I have someone to handle that for me. I think he’ll teach you a good lesson in humility.”

“Jon, please…” Yuta tried pleading with his eyes, looking for a shred of humanity there.

“I need you to realize your place, Wheeler.” Mox reached out to cup his young boy’s face, thumb rubbing his cheek. “We love you. Your place is with us, believe it or not. You belong with us.”

“Who says?” Yuta scoffed, but he wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“His Lordship,” Mox admitted, his eyes softening a little. “The asshole himself.”

“Wha’?” Yuta squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. This must be a dream because Mox cursed that man since the day he lost the world title.

“It was all part of his Lordship’s plan. Bryan’s his favorite, calling him the perfect wrestler, but he saw himself in me.” Mox spoke slowly, really wanting his young boy to absorb this. “His Lordship saw in you what he sees individually in Bryan and me. You just need iron to sharpen iron, Wheeler.”

“We’re giving you what you lack, take the gift we offer,” Claudio reiterated.

“So…wha…” Yuta shook his head, trying to find the words in his messy brain. “Wha’s any of this gonna do?”

“How do you think his Lordship tested us?” Claudio stepped between Yuta’s legs.

There was nothing Yuta could say to that, or the reality of it. The younger wrestler just looked dumbly up at Claudio as he wrapped his hand around Yuta’s wrist. The Swiss man pulled the other’s hand away. A shiver ran through the young boy as they stared each other down. There was something there in the dark eyes that once seemed so kind. Yuta couldn’t figure out what was on Claudio’s face, an unreadable message.

“Can you stand on your own?” Claudio’s clinical tone made Yuta look away.

“Wha’? Got tired of pickin’ me up?” Yuta snarked, knowing it may have been a bad choice. This was the first bit of tenderness the Swiss giant had shown him.

No response was given as Yuta found himself being flipped over. Strong arms wrapped around his waist to hoist him up. It was like he was nothing to Claudio. The man easily moved Yuta back over to the counter, dropping him face first this time. Claudio pushed down in the middle of the young boy’s back, forcing him flat.

The counter was just the right height to bend Yuta over and be slightly uncomfortable. Just a little too tall forcing him onto the balls of his feet, either hand planted on the counter to keep his balance. It took a moment for Yuta to realize the other two were talking.

“We should see if he wants the last of it?” Mox was speaking, the rattling sound of the water bottle under his words.

“There isn’t much left.” Claudio sounded agreeable.

“T’risty.” Yuta grunted from his place pinned down on the counter.

“Bet you are, baby.” Mox’s laughter got closer.

The pressure on Yuta’s back let up so he could push himself up. The bottle was pressed to his lips. A last little mouthful of just barely salty water. On some level Yuta knew whatever was making him feel so good was also most likely what was in that bottle. As well as whatever Mox had given him earlier.

As soon as the bottle was taken away Claudio was forcing the younger man back down. The click of the lube cap came as a relief for Yuta, he knew what he was in store for and could even remember times Claudio refused to fuck him because they didn’t have enough lube or prep time. It wasn’t safe, it would hurt Yuta.

The thick head pressed against Yuta’s hole. Rubbing up and down in small, slow movements. The anticipation of pain didn’t go unsatisfied. The harsh thrust to push the head in coincided with the much needed wave of horny calm that rushed Yuta. The combination made him see stars; his cock started to throb in time with the burn in his ass.

“Oh my god.” Yuta moaned loudly as he felt the pressure increase. “Fuck!”

“Shh, sweet prince.” Mox reached out to stroke his young boy’s hair. “Don’t want the whole hospital knowing you’re a slut for a big cock, right?”

“Please, fuck, fuck.” Yuta’s hands curled into fists at the large intrusion into his body.

“He still tight, big guy? He looks tight.” Mox leaned over Yuta’s body to watch Claudio’s cock disappear.

“Hm.” Claudio nodded, clearly annoyed. “If he would relax this would be a lot easier.”

“T-Tryin--ah!” Yuta was interrupted by a harsh thrust, pushing in inches he wasn’t ready for yet. He used to love when Claudio got a little too rough like this, so he tried to live in that world.

“There ya go.” Mox laughed at the sudden outburst. “He’s like halfway in, kid. You can take it.”

“C-Claudio--” Yuta shook his head slightly, forehead rubbing against the counter.

“Feels good at least,” Claudio muttered as he slowly pulled out.

The agonizing drag made Yuta twitch and jump until just the enormous head remained. There was more lube applied before Claudio gave a few experimental thrusts. The sharp rocking felt good, slight pressure and short glide of the large cock sent sparks through the younger man’s body. Then Claudio pushed in as hard as he could as far as he could, and Yuta couldn’t hold back the scream.

“Jesus.” Mox groaned, slapping his hand over Yuta’s mouth as best he could when the other started making too much noise. “He ain’t even giving it to you yet, kid.”

Most of the noise Yuta made was muffled by the hand over his mouth.It was hard to not wiggle around, attempting to get away from the forceful insertion. While Mox might have liked that Yuta was pushing back against his fate, Claudio was finding it tedious.

Another too hard thrust made Yuta scream and thrash. The rock-steady hold Claudio had on his captive’s back prevented much from happening. It was slowing down the process, that kind of thing always sent Claudio into the next realm of frustration.

There was a shift from behind as the pressure stopped. Experience told Yuta that the Swiss giant was roughly three fourths the way in. That tended to be where he stopped when they didn’t have enough time. The last bit was the hardest to take even with proper prep. Yuta shifted himself, looking back a little to see what was going on.

Mox leaned over him as Claudio whispered into his King’s ear. There was a look of concentration on Mox’s face as he took in what he was being told. The sadistic glint in the icy blues told Yuta it was time to worry. Thankfully the calm made that impossible right now. They broke apart, the hand on Yuta’s mouth leaving. Claudio roughly forced him down again when he noticed Yuta peeking up.

“I predicted this problem may arise.” Claudio sighed again as his glare intensified. “Stay still.”

Both of Yuta’s hands were jerked off the counter, rotating backwards until they rested at the small of his back. A soft leather looped around each wrist, Yuta could feel a metal buckle. It had to be Mox’s belt. It was like a party trick, Claudio could make bondage cuffs out of almost anything given enough time. A belt was child’s play as he wrapped up Yuta’s wrists and pulled them tight.

“Fuck, stop it!” Yuta wiggled his shoulders, the new position much more uncomfortable. “Fuck you, Claudio!”

“Shut up,” Claudio growled. “You’ll want to be restrained for this part.”

“Wha’?” Yuta sagged, feeling defeated yet again.

“Thank you, King.” Claudio was done talking to the man on his cock.

Yuta’s head was jerked to the side, his eyes opening to see Mox standing over him. The painful grip on his hair as the pseudo King smirked down, a little pink poking out from between his lips. For just a moment Yuta was distracted by the playful look he had seen on his boyfriend’s face so many times. But this was his ex boyfriend.

A damp sock was shoved into Yuta’s mouth while he was distracted. It was his own sock which meant it was wet from their piss earlier. He gagged at the realization. There was a moment where Yuta’s brain didn’t kick on to tell him to spit it out, he just looked up at Mox with doe eyes.

Something passed over Yuta’s field of vision. Terror ran through him, not knowing if he was about to be strangled like Bryan had. The fabric landed across Yuta’s mouth, going behind his head to be tied off. Securing the sock in place so it couldn’t be spit out.

“That is much better.” Claudio groaned loudly in the empty room.

“You’re too efficient for fun sometimes, babe.” Mox held so much affection in his teasing tone for his partner.

“This,” Claudio nodded towards their captive young boy, “is very fun.”

The Swiss giant slowly pulled out again, moaning as he did. He watched Yuta’s fingers flex and twitch, his shoulders shaking. Seeing Yuta helplessly struggle made Claudio throb. Another layer of lube and a slight change of angle, and Claudio pushed fully inside the tight space. Even where there was resistance he just pushed through as Yuta screamed against the gag.

“Fuck, baby.” Mox’s dreamy voice was off to the side.

Yuta sobbed into the gag as he was violated. A part of Yuta tried to believe he was crying because of the pain, but…he was crying from relief. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but it also was the best Yuta ever felt. The mixed up, confused body misfired allowing Yuta to feel everything as pleasure.

The hot burn from the huge cock sliding in and out drove Yuta mad. It was all pulling in his belly. Even the belt around his wrist, and the disgusting sock were getting him off. There was nothing he could do. He could choose to enjoy the pleasure or deny it, that was all that was left in his control.

Trembling legs spread further apart to allow Claudio more room. The husky chuckle from behind made Yuta’s stomach boil with shame that went straight to his cock. Eyes rolling back in his head as he finally accepted it. Moaning their names as he took Claudio’s cock over and over.

“He loves it,” Claudio commented, barely sounding out of breath in a tone more appropriate for small talk about the weather.

“Your cock does that to a motherfucker. Makes ‘em stupid for it.” Mox was practically panting and moaning himself. His voice was suddenly in Yuta’s ear. “I wanna keep you like this. Naked and vulnerable all the time. My prince being available to us 24/7.” The broken moan from Yuta spurred Mox on. “Claudio and I play with you whenever we want. We only let you out to go wrestle matches-- oh!”

The combo of dirty talk and brutal assault made Yuta come harder than he ever had. His brain conjured images of what Mox whispered to him. He went off untouched, ignored mostly. Everything was bright and soft and felt so good. The intense pleasure lasted and lasted, longer than he ever had before. Slowly Yuta came down, his body still being used without care that he’d just been fucked out of his body.

“Gonna keep him hard. Bet you can get him to come again.” Mox was just as turned on as Yuta was, their imaginations intertwining.

The hand on the younger man’s overstimulated cock was on the right side of miserable. It wasn’t fair, Mox knew every sensitive place on his young boy’s cock. Between the hand on his cock and Claudio still fucking him, Yuta stayed hard and horny.

“You wanna be our sex prince, sweetheart?” Mox nibbled on Yuta’s neck as he asked. The quiet sob followed by a nod made Mox laugh. “He does, C. He really does. Don’t worry, kid. Soon you’ll take your rightful place.”

“King--” Claudio’s voice was tight, moaning the title.

“Easy, big guy. We got time.” Mox signaled.

The pace of Claudio’s thrusts slowed down significantly. There seemed to be more planned. Yuta whined as loud as he could, needing or wanting more of whatever they would give at this point. There was a fire burning inside Yuta that the pseudo King was refusing to put out.

“Relax, bitch.” Mox grunted, squeezing hard on the hard shaft in his hand. “You’ve no idea how much work Claudio’s put in for all of this. Let him take his take, he deserves to feel good.”

“King?” Claudio’s voice sounded almost…needy. A certain embarrassed pitch to his voice.

Some sort of telepathic communication happened. Mox didn’t let go of Yuta’s aching cock but he did stand up straighter. They looked closely at each other until Mox smiled and nodded. Claudio quickly leaned forward until Mox could reach his lips. They kissed, except Mox was sinking his teeth into the flesh of Claudio’s mouth. Even drawing blood that was purposely smeared all over the Swiss man’s mouth.

The easy, slow pace made Yuta want to cry while he watched the affectionate violence. It was incredibly hot to watch the exchanges between the pair. Yuta didn’t have the best view but he was able to watch over his shoulder. Claudio hadn’t been holding him down anymore so he could roll his shoulder to actually see what was going on behind him.

Bloody kissing. Streaks of red shared between the two men. It reminded Yuta of Mox in the ring; kissing, biting, tearing. Mox in the ring with him. Those first forty seconds in the ring with the pseudo King drove Yuta to heights he didn’t know he had. The opportunity had been terrifying since Mox would clearly destroy Yuta but he had never felt so alive. Somehow he felt that in his moment.

“Fuck. Fuck. You’re so hot,” Mox growled against red lips.

“Everything I am is for you.” Claudio licked at the corner of Mox’s lip, swiping away a smear of blood.

“Hmph.” Yuta groaned, rolling his eyes at the exchange. His head fell forward with a thump, and he tried to roll his hips to get more friction from the hand there.

“I think our prince is feeling neglected.” Mox started working his hand again, making his young boy whine. “That’s my good boy, yeah? You’re gonna find your place soon. I promise.”

“He’s getting close,” Claudio commented, his hips working his rough but steady pace. “I can feel him tensing up.”

Yuta turned his head just enough to catch Mox’s icy blues. The sadistic smile under the ugly beard, the twinkle of violence. It was the moment Yuta realized that these two men weren’t actually that different. The entire time he was trying to convince himself that they weren’t the men he fell in love with, but he could see it. They weren’t that different, they just weren’t pretending anymore.

“Harder, babe.” Mox used his free hand to smack Claudio’s ass. “He needs it.”

The command was easily answered by Claudio, his feet shifting and leaning over his captive. Yuta cried out against the gag, his body aching as Claudio pounded into him. At least he could hear the Swiss man losing composure, breathing heavily and moaning.

Everything was on fire. Every feeling, every nerve, everything was becoming so much. Pained whimpers and cries were the only sounds he could make. It was all-consuming to Yuta, he felt like he was going to pass out. Every forceful thrust sent Yuta to the stars as everything melted together.

“Woah. He’s going limp.” Mox’s voice sounded so far away.

“I have him.” Claudio scooped their young boy up with his arm around the other’s waist.

While Yuta succumbed to the intensity and pain, he thought of Bryan. Everything was too much to fight against; shame pooled in Yuta as he wondered if Bryan would be able to fight this off. Was Yuta just too weak? Too easily coerced?

As Yuta’s vision started to go in and out he was vaguely aware of his body. Suddenly he was very aware of the tight coil inside of him that was about to snap. Claudio was punishing his ass, making sure every stroke rubbed against Yuta’s prostate until he was a whimpering mass of pleasured pain. The feeling of Claudio finally allowing his primal instincts to set in sent Yuta over.

The unforgiving hands and pace, the forced pleasure. Yuta was snapping and breaking and crumbling until there was nothing at all left. All the feeling, the sounds,and sights, all disappeared as Yuta came hard into Mox’s awaiting hand.

The final moment Yuta could remember was Mox wiping his hand over his young boy's face. Nothing left in the tank for Yuta to use to pull away or anything. It just happened. Semen scraping off onto his beard and skin.

Moments of lucidity came here or there. Yuta was pretty sure Claudio finished inside of him. The overflow trickling down his leg was evident when he came to in a pile on the floor. The sock was gone but he was still bound so he just closed his eyes so everything was faded to black. At some point Yuta knew that he was being hauled around, moved like the sack of potatoes.

Eventually there was a wetness that the young man could only assume was piss again. Another moment he chose to leave his lucidness behind. It was better to just check out at this point, Yuta figured. His brain was melting down. They were still playing with him in some ways and it was just too much anymore.

“Shh. No need to worry.” Mox’s soft voice would come in and out every so often. “Sleep well, sweet prince.”

Yuta did as he was told, drifting off to the least peaceful sleep.

+++

The entire world rushed back to Yuta in an instant. Someone was shaking him awake under blinding lights. His name was being called. All the fogginess from moments ago was starkly absent, there was no calm or horniness. The only thing Yuta felt was terror, panic, and violation.

Naturally the assaulting hand was grabbed. The motions were already flowing before Yuta realized what or who he was grabbing. Someone was grabbing him and he could finally fight back. Rushes and rushes of panic overwhelmed him until his eyes finally adjusted to reality.

“Wheeler, Wheeler, it’s okay.” The sweet nurse from earlier was passively moving with the wrestler’s hold, not yet causing distress. “I think you had a nightmare. You’re okay now.”

“Nightmare?” Yuta stared at her before looking around at the more crowded waiting room. Sun was coming in. “I’m--I’m so fucking sorry.”

As soon as Yuta’s brain allowed him to release the nurse, he did. Hands up to show he wasn’t a threat as he tried to step back only to find the bench. His heart was hammering out his chest, and the world was narrowing down.

“Wheeler, sweetie?” The nurse didn’t reach out but she moved back into the wrestler’s field of vision. “I think you’re having a panic attack. We can move to somewhere private. I just--” She made eye contact. “--Bryan’s okay. We’ll talk about it, but I just got word that he’s doing okay.”

“Bryan’s okay?” Yuta’s wild eyes darted around. “Can I--”

“We should calm down first, right?” She urged.

“...Yeah. You’re absolutely right. Yeah.” Yuta started to feel all the eyes on him. He started gathering up his stuff. Some teen nearby with an injured arm was staring.

“She’s right. You’ve been freaking out in your sleep for like five hours, dude. Are you tweaking?”

“What?” Yuta shook his head, glancing back at the nurse.

“Sir,” she stressed the word at the teen. “Mind your own business. That’s not appropriate. This way, Wheeler.”

None of Yuta’s emotions were lowering even as they got out of the crowded waiting room. The nurse quickly led them into a small private room that was more like a cubicle with medical equipment.

“Sit down for a moment. We triage patients here so it’ll be free for just a second. Do you have an anxiety disorder?” She sat the wrestler down and took the stool across from him.

“Kinda.” Yuta nodded, closing his eyes. “I--” He was far enough into the panic that he just started rifling through his backpack until he found the pill bottle.

“Here’s some water.” The nurse got a little cup to hand off.

“Thanks. Think my water bottle’s empty.” Yuta mumbled off-handedly as he took the cup and popped the pill.

It would take a few seconds to experience the effects of the Xanax, he quickly held the bottle out to the nurse for her to inspect. Mostly so she knew what was happening, after all Yuta had almost tried to break her wrist.

There were a few deep breathing techniques that Bryan had taught Yuta to help with anxiety and depression. So Yuta focused on doing that, and the memories of a smiling Bryan teaching him in the gardens while Yuta healed up.

“I uh…” Yuta glanced up at her as his breathing even out. “Not too long ago I had a really, like, really bad head injury. Recovering was…hard. There was a lot that was hard, but I wasn’t…” The heavy sigh broke up his statement. “I wasn’t ready for how it affected my mood. That gave way to panic attacks so…” He pointed at the pill bottle.

“Concussions can have a profound impact on your brain, and how you process or feel emotions. I’m very sorry, Wheeler.” She handed the bottle back. “Look, stress is a very serious thing. You experienced a traumatic event tonight, if your partner’s chart is anything to go by.”

“You’ve no idea…” Yuta muttered as he looked down at his clothes. At the club name stitched on his jacket.

“On top of that you spent the night sleeping in the chairs, you were in a match too, correct? Having a bad dream, or even a stress nightmare, and a panic attack is a pretty good response, I think.” She smiled at him. “If you were fine, I’d be worried.”

“Ha. Thanks.” Yuta bit his lip. “I’m just…still freaked out.”

“Can I ask what the nightmare was about?” she questioned.

“Uh…” Yuta shook his head a little, but opened his mouth to give the edited version. “The men that assaulted Bryan are close people to us. I just had a nightmare where they attacked me too. It was just so...vivid.”

“That’s terrible, I’m very sorry.” She shook her head, clearly feeling real empathy for the young man in front of her.

“I just…” Yuta shook his head, like that would rid himself of the seeds and half memories. “The more I think about it, the more I forget?” That was frustrating to him as he tried to recall things. Everything felt like water through his fingers. “It felt so real?”

Instead of remembering, Yuta tried to check himself over. There were the general aches and pains from his match. Nothing felt out of place like he’d been attacked. Heaving a sigh, Yuta slumped back and relaxed. The finer details blurred the harder he focused on them. Fleeting memories left his head.

“That sounds like a stress nightmare.” The nurse frowned, worrying that she was down playing something but also not wanting to push. “A lot of times it’s our brains processing what we’ve gone through. A vivid, horrible nightmare makes sense when you went through what you did.”

“Yeah…I guess.” Yuta nodded along.

Without thinking Yuta looked at his wrists. He knew Claudio loved bondage, it was a borderline fetish of his. There were probably only a handful of times they had sex where Claudio didn’t bind him in some way, shape or form. There were no marks on his wrists or arms. No evidence of that.

“What’re you looking for?” The nurse questioned, concern growing.

“I--” Yuta shrugged out of his jacket. “I don’t know?”

“Look, sweetie, Bryan’s in a normal room now. There’s a bed for family members up there. I think the best you can do is try to get a better bit of sleep.” The nurse suggested.

“I know you’re right. I just…have to like…there’s something…” Yuta frowned deeply. “I know you think I’m crazy, but you don’t know the people I’m dealing with which just sounds crazi--”

“You came in with a man who was asphyxiated with a plastic bag, violently, while you were held back. It’s not a crime because it was…like at your job, I guess, and you’re fighters. I don’t think you’re crazy, I think you’re in a crazy world.” She assured the young man.

“Thank…you?” Yuta wasn’t sure if that was empathy or a judgment. “Do I have any marks on my neck?”

There was a list of things that the young boy knew his two mentors really got off on. If last night happened for real, Yuta was sure to find the signs. Mox loved to chew on him and scratch up his back. That happened almost every time they were together. Yuta had to start having Claudio make sure none of the scratches or bites were too bad. Sometimes they needed bandages or medications.

“Nothing at all on your neck.” She moved to look around the collar of the young man’s shirt, leaning forward to even check down the back of his shirt. “No marks on your back other than bruises, but you told me you had these when you came in. I asked if you were okay and you said yeah, just bruised up from your match.”

“Okay…” Yuta was starting to feel crazy now. “I know you’re right. I just need some sleep. It was just a fuckin’ nightmare, but holy shit did it feel real.”

“It’s understandable. I promise.” She stood up right and held her arms out. “Would you like a hug?”

“Uh, sure? Thanks.” Yuta laughed a little at himself, feeling awkward and vulnerable but when they hugged it did…feel nice. It was good to feel connected to someone.

“No problem. Now, let’s get you up to your partner.” She smiled and pulled back the curtain.

As Yuta got his backpack up and reluctantly grabbed his jacket they made their way out. There was no use chasing the memories, Yuta thought to himself, or chasing the dream. He needed to sleep before he could possibly consider accessing more.

“If it helps you were in the chairs most the night. I checked on you.” The nurse shrugged, her hands in her pockets as she led the way. “You took off to walk around for a while, I remember. That was before my break.”

“You remember the night well?” Yuta frowned, thinking how he could pump her for a timeline without just directly asking her.

“I wouldn’t say handling it well. I’m on my second Celcius.” She laughed a little. “Okay, here’s the thing, I go out and hit my vape pen sometimes which is super against the rules. So when you left to walk around at like 1:30 or something, I went off on my break at like two. I figured you had a lot to walk off, I saw you walking the opposite way.”

“I walked for a long time, I think.” Yuta nodded along as she got them on the elevator.

“Yeah, so, I got back like an hour later, but you weren’t back yet. I checked the chairs to see if you were back, then went out to see if I saw you and secretly hit my vape. You were on a bench, so I thought you just didn’t want to be inside.” She explained while she found the right button to take them up. “I think you fell asleep out there, now that I’m talking about it.”

“When’d I get back to the waiting room?” Yuta didn’t remember going back.

“Uh…someone saw you walk in, called me over thinking you were a new patient but I said you were a family member that was waiting. My shift really bleeds together, Wheeler, so I’m sorry that I can’t remember exactly when to give you some peace of mind.” She sighed.

“Can you ballpark when I came in?” Yuta pressed then stopped, shrinking back in on himself. “I’m sorry I’m freaking out over a damn nightmare.”

“It’s okay. Um…if I had to guess? You came back at something close to 3:30AM or 4AM. I remember getting really busy for a while and that’s when you came back. You just slumped into the chairs and went to sleep.” She paused when the doors opened. “Sleepwalking is a common stress reaction.”

“Yeah…yeah. I think…” Yuta stepped out of the elevator. “I think you’re right that I sat down, I remember that, and I was tired and I fell asleep sitting out there. Then I just stumbled back inside to have my nightmare.” That was rational, Yuta nodded. He needed to live with that.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what’s going on but if you need anything just come find me. I’m on double shift today.” She rolled her eyes. “Your meds are working?”

“They are. I’m…calming down a lot.” Yuta thought for a moment, smacking his lips. “The dry mouth has set in, so I know it’s working.”

“I’m sure there’s some water you can find up here. Bryan’s just this way. I’ll check you in at this charge station up here.” She started walking them in the right direction.

Yuta cleared his throat, reaching back for his water bottle without thinking about it. The last time Yuta remembered the bottle was a little under half full. Something in the back of his mind convinced it should be empty, that it being empty would prove that there had been something that happened. As Yuta examined it he noticed how well the stickers were doing; except the cheap national park sticker he’d bought with Bryan despite being told it was cheap. The other stickers were doing well. Of course the edges were coming up on that one, Yuta rolled his eyes at himself.

The cap came off with ease. Yuta slowed himself down to stand back from where his friendly nurse was talking to the other nurses at the station. For some reason looking into the bottle heighted Yuta’s fear, but he didn’t know why. The bottle was just under halfway full. Exactly how he remembered it being back at the area.

Carefully Yuta decided to take a sip. His brain screamed not to. Again he didn’t know why exactly he was having so much anxiety around the water bottle. It wasn’t like any of the parts of the nightmare he could even remember had the water bottle in it.

The water was room temperature. Normal. It was strange, Yuta had been expecting something…something. He wasn’t sure what it was that he thought was going to happen. The water was normal. He sighed as he put the bottle back, his nurse turning to him with a big smile.

“Your new nurse is going to show you to Bryan’s room. Get some sleep, Wheeler.” She gave him a pat on his shoulder before leaving.

“Hi, I just wanted to walk you through some things and let you know how your partner is doing.” The new nurse started gabbering on.

It was important so Yuta forced himself to listen. All the tests and exams the doctors did came back with positive results. There didn’t seem to be any serious lasting damage, though Bryan was going to be on bedrest for a few days and in a lot of pain. The nurse went on to explain that Bryan was currently sedated so he could sleep, and that he was on some painkillers.

Each word was a relief. Not as much of a relief as the fact that there was a bed. The large private room was dark as Yuta came inside. Nestled neatly in bed was Bryan, looking peaceful in his sleep. The nurse let him go in by himself and get situated.

There was almost no situation. Yuta walked over to kiss Bryan’s forehead softly. He would have gone for the lips if not for the oxygen mask. One hand ran over Bryan’s chest just to feel him breathing and his heart thump. Even though the monitors showed it, Yuta had to feel for himself.

The pull out couch bed was already folded down. Blankets and pillows waiting. In no time Yuta had his shoes off, changed into shorts, and curled up into a ball under all the blankets. Already he was feeling better. The more distance from the nightmare the more he realized how impossible it’d have been for all of that to happen.

Even feeling better, and ready to rest, Yuta laid there. Shaking his head he quickly got his headphones out. One earbud in so he could hear if Bryan needed anything. As he was pulling the headphones out of his bag, he looked at his jeans he’d been in all night. They were a common pair he wore, familiar and exactly the same pants.

The pants didn’t smell like piss. Yuta remembered there being a wet feeling in his nightmare a lot, remembering just little fragments of piss. Nothing smelled like piss. As Yuta contemplated that revelation he fished his bottle of Xanax out of the pocket. Yuta put away the pants, rolling them up to feel for wet spots but finding none. The pants were shoved back into his backpack, clearly unspoiled.

Earbud in Yuta finally laid back down, thumbing scrolling over his phone in search of his music. He couldn’t stop himself from checking his t-shirt too. The shirt smelled normal too. Dry as a bone. It was all the exact same clothes he had been wearing all night. If he’d gotten that much piss or even just water on him there would be evidence on his clothes.

Just like there was no evidence of bondage, bite marks, or scratches. There wasn’t any evidence of piss. Honestly Yuta’s ass didn’t even hurt. The water bottle that he was sure would be empty was exactly the level he remembered it being at the area.

“Fuck me. I guess it was a stress nightmare.” Yuta finally relaxed into the bed, feeling some semblance of peace entering him as music finally played.

[inaconstantstateofchange]

don't come crying - a young!Raphael fic

An incredible rendition of young!Raphael by @shahs1221, here: please go check her out and give her some well-deserved adoration for it!

A/N: I'm gonna be so honest, I have no idea how to tag this in a comprehensible way, relationship-wise. Suffice to say, the Mephisto-lovers are... probably going to appreciate this more than I wish you would, and if you too are fifty leagues down the Niche Forgotten Realms Characters™ rabbit hole, you may also be enticed by the Baalphegor inclusion. 18+, please and thank you.

Summary:

Raphael blinks, attempting to reason past the howling fury within him. He has never before felt so truly attuned to his more fiendish instincts, working in concert with his mortal ones in a truly dangerous storm. He swore when he first came to this wretched plane that he would be its master one day, and he’ll be damned – well and truly – if he fails here. Or: Centuries prior to the events of the game, Raphael's return from a routine fetch quest on Mephistopheles's orders is interrupted by a summons to the throne room. His father has a lesson to impart to him, and he's going to ensure it sticks.

This is part of an ongoing story I've had in the back of my mind for several weeks now. Rather than another WIP longfic, I'll be posting additional segments from this 'verse in a series if/when I add more. If @sky-kiss has any say in it, I'm sure I will.

The only background info you really need is:

All characters are drawn from actual Forgotten Realms lore.

Raphael has recently been plucked from the Material Plane to join his father's court on Cania, in the Nine Hells.

Due to Raphael's stunted development, and an unwillingness to be shamed by his spawn's weakness, Mephistopheles has placed Raphael under the purview of his consort, Baalphegor.

Baalphegor's body is able to produce an empowering draught, too weak to hold much significance to true fiends, but sufficient to bolster Raphael's growth.

Finally, it is a pet headcanon I've incorporated into this 'verse that Baalphegor is the same individual later know as Haarlep, but you are welcome to use your own interpretation.

Raphael stumbles through the extravagant entrance doors to Mephistar, the flesh-shearing winds of Cania grabbing after him as he ducks behind the solid, enchanted stone. He’s done his best to cover all exposed skin, but there is always some that escapes his notice, leaving him bleeding out strength he can ill afford to lose. He loathes these “errands” his father sends him on, tasks purported to test his skill, devotion, and cunning. In reality, it feels more like busywork designed to keep him weak and subservient, reminding him of his contentious existence in the hierarchy and reinforcing his dependence on his father’s dubious goodwill.

The desiccated parchment that proved the focus of this most recent quest crinkles slightly, as he shifts his gaze up, the slight sound echoing across the cavernous hall as he looks with certainty for the being he knows to be waiting for his return, just as always. But — they’re not there.

He furrows his brow, an agitated and disquieting anger growing within his gut. He strides across the marble floor on frostbitten feet he can barely feel, shoving the parchment at the lone figure of Mephistopheles’s chamberlain Barbas, standing at attention at his post, and wearing his habitual sneer as he looks down at Raphael. Raphael ignores it for now, as ever, but files the snub away with all the other insults he will one day be strong enough to return tenfold.

“Where is m—the Lady Baalphegor?” He demands imperiously. They are almost always waiting for him upon his return to bestow his reward. That is the deal, the entire reason he engages in these banal fetch quests even though they are entirely beneath his rank and status. He pushes sharply at the errant thought of the pretty fiction it makes, knowing all the while that his true choice is to bow to his father’s whims or perish. True or not, it does no good to dwell on such matters, not when he will be changing them just as soon as he can manage.

Barbas’s sneer gouges even deeper into his face, growing a biting and nearly gleeful edge as he answers Raphael, “Well, young lord, as your august presence must surely have ascertained, the Lady is certainly not here.”

Raphael can feel his face going blotchy and red, and curses his mortal heritage once again for its constant betrayals. The ice-blue crystals in the eye sockets of the chamberlain harden and glint with glee at the sight. Raphael spins on his heel, marching furiously away, the parchment crumpling further within his fist. Barbas’s mocking voice rings out behind him, “Don’t forget to report to His Grace, little lord! He insisted it be done immediately upon your return.”

Raphael almost turns again to berate him, but manages to stop himself at the last moment, lest he lose even more face from the encounter. He’ll make his report as quickly as possible, then hunt down his wayward… Baalphegor, and claim his rightful recompense. The brilliant halls of Mephistar blur around him as he storms through them, focusing only on making his way to his father’s great hall with haste.

He doesn’t wait to be announced, merely pushes firmly on the doors, both with his physical form and, in a manner only recently attained, with the lashings of his own metaphysical aspect. They creak open, the sound like distant screams even on the well-kept mechanisms, and he steps through without hesitation, words of complaint already springing to his lips, when he stops dead in his tracks.

He’s found Baalphegor.

The succubus – and they are in full succubus form in this moment – is perched indolently on his father’s lap, where he sits on his ostentatious throne. But not just perched, no — impaled, as he finds when, with stricken eyes, he watches them move their body in a smooth, undulating motion up, degree by degree, before dropping back down, brilliant hair falling around them and catching the flickering hellfire-light as it glints off their red-brown skin. Soft, melodious moans are driven from their throat with each movement, as if pushed out by the — by the member within them. Their round breasts shift with the motion, the revitalizing milk within them welling up and dripping down their chest, squandered and disregarded.

He swallows, throat dry, his eyes and chest burning in stark opposition with one another.

His father casts an apathetic glance across the hall, and his eyes alight on Raphael, a cruel smirk curling at his lips. “Ah, the returning triumphant! What have you brought me this time?” His voice is nothing but mocking, no attempt made to couch his disregard for his unwanted and unloved spawn.

Raphael blinks, attempting to reason past the howling fury within him. He has never before felt so truly attuned to his more fiendish instincts, working in concert with his mortal ones in a truly dangerous storm. Everything within him is raging at the broken contract, even as it boils with jealousy at the manhandling of something that is his, and it is only the barest dregs of his staunch self-preservation that manage to keep him from attempting something truly foolish. He swore when he first came to this wretched plane that he would be its master one day, and he’ll be damned – well and truly – if he fails here.

He holds the parchment, now looking rather worse for wear, out before him on a finely trembling hand. He searches for the words he needs in a mind nearly whited out by rage.

“I… your cult in Waterdeep sends their obeisance, y–your Grace.” He curses his tongue for its fumbling, driving home further how well his father’s ploy is working to discomfit him.

“Oh,” Mephistopheles waves a careless hand. “That collection of rabble. You will leave it with my steward.”

Raphael ducks his head a bare inch, keeping his eyes away from Baalphegor as much as he can, and turns to leave.

His father’s voice rings out after him before he has completed even half his turn, sharpening with the first warning edges of his infamous temper. “Where do you think you are going, whelp? You have not yet been dismissed.”

Raphael turns back to face him, slow and careful, as the true danger of the situation sets in. He has rarely found himself in the presence of his father when these moods strike, and never without at least the tenuous support of Baalphegor behind him. And yet… he meets their gaze now, searching, and the barest fraction desperate, but there is nothing. Their red eyes meet his without flinching, cold as Cania’s glaciers. Trickles of the subtly shimmering draught spilling from their breasts have reached down to their hips now, soaking into the thatch of hair between their legs.

He tears his eyes away and forces his attention back to the far greater threat, scrambling for an answer that will satisfy his father.

“My apologies, your Grace.” The epithet comes easier this time, its passage eased by his awareness of his own precarious position. “I misunderstood your direction, and wished only to carry out your will with utmost alacrity.”

Mephistopheles rests his chin insouciantly on his hand, elbow propped against the arm of his throne. His voice, when he speaks, is sardonic and shows no signs of the ongoing actions of the succubus on his lap. “Oh very nicely salvaged, whelp. My wishes, however, are for you to remain just where you are, and appreciate the lesson I’ve prepared for you.”

Raphael swallows, the boiling heat within him growing fiercer, rage intertwined with other, less-savory feelings.

With little warning, Mephistopheles moves his hand to entangle within Baalphegor’s tresses, pulling the succubus fiercely down onto him as he wrenches their head back against his shoulder. A tremulous cry breaks from their throat, and Raphael only barely keeps himself from starting forward at the sound.

Mephistopheles brings his free hand forward and toys with Baalphegor’s breasts, pushed forward into the air from their current position. He twists pitilessly at them, prompting yet more cries as the liquid inside spills out in greater quantities, splashing, wasted, against the smooth skin of Baalphegor’s stomach. It runs in rivulets onto the throne, and down, to collect into puddles on the floor of the grand hall.

Raphael feels his stomach turn even as his mouth, well-trained by association, waters, unhindered by every other horrible aspect of this waking nightmare.

Mephistopheles wipes his hand dismissively on Baalphegor’s hair, leaving behind silvery streaks, then draws them up by their hair and hip, beginning to move within them in earnest as he continues his reproach. Raphael wants to close his eyes, his ears, every one of his senses, but knows such an admission of weakness would be worse than his undoing.

“You’ve prevailed enough upon my largess, and I am no longer willing to indulge your weakness.” Mephistopheles sneers. “You’ve proven more fortunate than any other cambion within the Hells, but from now on you will make your own way, or fail. Such is the way of Baator.”

The fires around the hall burn fiercer in alignment with their lord as he looks down at his unloved progeny. “Should you find yourself desperate for one last taste to stay your appetites, however, you may lap it from the floor like the whelp you are, and thank me for the concession.”

Raphael feels like he is become hellfire himself, the hatred he knew within him for his progenitor stoked to dizzyingly fierce new heights. Jaw aching with the effort of withholding the flood of vitriol within him, he grits out, “My thanks for your… beneficence. I would not dream of prevailing upon it further.”

Mephistopheles snorts, dismissive, then turns his attentions back to Baalphegor, by all accounts having forgotten Raphael’s entire existence.

Raphael stands, Baalphegor’s unfeeling eyes burning into his, until he is finally – finally – dismissed. All the while, the ambitions within him, already cast in carbon, are pressurized further and further, until they are as fearsome diamond, reflecting the blood and fire around him.

He will not remain his father’s lesser for long. He will see him deposed, and make him suffer for these indignities heaped upon his person.

By Asmodeus, he swears it.

[ox-imagines]

Why I don't ship Tohma and Jin

An analysis I wrote while I probably should've been studying instead

Ok, look. I get it. I started out in the camp many of you are in where you probably prefer Jin to Tohma and just saw this as "omg cigarette kiss! hot!!" Safe to say I do not live there anymore and I will explain why.

Disclaimer: this is an opinion!! it's fine to disagree! if you have a different opinion/viewpoint feel free to share it!

Now, the most obvious reason to some of you may be that I'd rather keep Tohma to myself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. However, that wouldn't be solid reasoning because I don't mind shipping him with Alan. So:

1. Fundamental Background and Disposition Differences

Jin is the definition of a silver spoon: the son of a powerful president of an organization, he's the picture-perfect Frostheim ideal. Though he doesn't seem to like his father much, Jin was raised with his heirship in mind. Riches and luxuries were his to enjoy at his own leisure. Presumably, his attitude was soured by the Clash, since the MC is told (I believe by Kaito in chapter 1?) that he used to be a strong, charismatic leader. Either way, though, he prefers to spend much of his time in his room or bed and delegate his tasks to others.

On the other hand, Tohma is a go-getter. He started his time at Darkwick in Vagastrom, and though we don't know much yet about his past it's probably a safe bet to guess he hails from a similar background and mental space as most of the Vagastrom students. Vagastrom students are known for being a bit more rough, often trouble-makers. While the Tohma we know so far in canon doesn't seem to line up with that expectation, at a closer glance he doesn't much line up with the typical Frostheim student. Despite his all-business, classy demeanor, he doesn't expect things handed to him or done for him, he loves spending time in nature and doing physical activity, and is surprisingly enough not very good at academics, according to himself. He also seems to rather enjoy getting to destroy the building at the end of chapter 1, an impressive show of physical prowess and exertion that most Frostheim students would either not want to do or would be incapable of.

Tohma's lifestyle and Jin's lifestyle are too fundamentally different to foster a healthy relationship. Tohma likes to stay active and keep a busy schedule, whereas Jin is the exact opposite. For all the things Tohma puts up with, he relatively frequently gets irritated with Jin's laziness and apathy, even going so far as his April Fool's line stating that he'd "like to knock that bastard Jin's head clean off... haha, what's with the face? I'm only joking, of course..." (I don't think that's a joke, at least not fully lmao. Humor-wise, Tohma seems to prefer sarcasm and subtle jabs (shady king) to outright statements.)

2. Motives

We can't really be sure yet why Jin wanted Tohma to be his vice (or if he actually did) but we can guess how Jin sees him. He sees Tohma as useful: hard-working, respected by other students and staff alike, even-tempered. Tohma also presumably replaced Haku as Frostheim's vice-captain, or vice-to-be. He's functional rather than a first choice, a position rather than a person.

Sure, Tohma seems loyal to Jin. He'll do what he's asked, he'll generally defend Jin in conversation(unless irritated and is the one complaining about him), etc. However, whether he's loyal to Jin as a person or not, he is using him and his position to get what he wants. Jin is the son of the president over the board that runs/sanctions the Academy, giving Jin a whole lot more pull than any other students (and likely most of the staff) over decisions about the Academy. Jin has a fall from grace during the Clash and becomes resentful and withdrawn, a shameful leader rather than a strong one; he wants someone else to do everything for him. How wonderfully convenient. Tohma steps into the position as vice-captain and, consequentially, gets access to all of Jin's responsibilities. We aren't sure yet why he wants a position of authority where he can enact change, but we can be sure he's using Jin's accesses and privileges.

3. Treatment/Power Dynamic

There is a very obvious power imbalance between the two of them. As much as Tohma uses Jin's position to his benefit, Jin uses Tohma how he pleases and usually treats him as little more than a servant rather than a friend or equal. He orders him around, speaks down to him, and overloads him with work, and Tohma puts up with it because he knows it makes dealing with him and getting what he wants easier than if he tried to talk back or defy him. Jin also doesn't seem to trust him, immediately confronting him over the incident with the talking painting news report about him and accusing him of being the one who divulged the news about his mother. Tohma told him it wasn't him who'd done it and reminded him of someone it likely was, but the immediate and aggressive way Jin confronted him about it conveyed a deep distrust. Jin also thinks it's fun to occasionally irritate Tohma on purpose, as seen in a campus scene where the MC knocks over a vase and breaks it and Jin reacts by saying how Tohma's gonna flip when he sees it while grinning smugly. Jin's servant-treatment towards Tohma also turns more aggressive and into direct mistreatment at times, as seen in this text conversation between them.

All that to say, I'm not exactly a Tohma x Jin supporter :')) I do believe it would be a toxic relationship and would be unhealthy for both of them. On the flip side, I have my fingers crossed hoping for more Tohma and Alan interactions soon (or just more Tohma in general lol), maybe once we get more interactions from them I'll do an analysis post about them too. If you got all the way through this, I appreciate it! Thanks for coming to my TED Talk lol.

At the end of the day, it's all fiction! If shipping them makes you happy, then do it. These are just my opinions on the matter! <3 we all interact with content differently.

[oneatlatime]

City of Walls and Secrets

I am also once again saving the commentary for a rewatch.

I still think rock trains are neat but their inefficiencies hurt my brain. The friction! They should at least install dynamic braking.

That's big. This show has really confined itself to the hinterlands so far, so this is really novel. I had no clue anything this big existed in the Avatar universe.

Complete nitpick time! Given that earthbending is a thing that exists, why bother making things out of stone with individual tiles like this?

Single most threatening musical sting of the whole show so far goes to an overly smiley tour guide.

Wow! I hate this lady already!

"Oh, Ba Sing Se has many walls! There are the ones outside, protecting us, and the ones inside, protecting us from smelly poors!"

"In case someone brings home a lady friend!" Do you know your nephew AT ALL?

Both Iroh and Zuko are right. Life does happen everywhere and without your permission. But, the city is also remarkably prison-like.

He got them jobs in an afternoon. AN AFTERNOON. Stop it Iroh, you're making me feel inadequate.

Once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy. This particular leopard can't change his spots, no matter how he tries to dress up his actions in a new law-abiding veneer. I feel sorry for Smellerbee. Her faith in her leader isn't exactly being rewarded.

So... is there a law on the books that makes being a firebender illegal in Ba Sing Se? Because the head-in-the-sand vibe I'm getting from Judy makes me think that the average citizen doesn't even know there's a reason to dislike the Fire Nation. Iroh and Zuko could probably bend as openly as a waterbender or an earthbender could here.

This whole being handled thing must be dredging up some pretty nasty feelings for Toph. This is specifically what she left behind.

Speaking of precisely targeted torture, Judy is engineered to be as irritating to Sokka as possible. Man of action versus Lady of script.

What a productive use of time! What an exemplary case of turning over a new leaf!

Iroh buddy I have news for you regarding the ingredients of tea.

That's like the nicest thing a member of the Fire Nation royal family has said all year.

How to get Iroh's ass in gear: Step 1: Make insulting tea. Step 2: There is no step 2.

I thought that little thingy in the background was one of those electricity things.

The attention to detail in this show is stupid. There's a moving reflection of the carriage in the water as it goes past.

Hi forbidden city!

Ba Sing Se has a morality police?

I've already run out of patience with the city and I'm 7 minutes in. I haven't even made it to a commercial break yet!

Their house is cute but the veranda is so substantial that it's probably really dark inside. Also there's a pumpkin hood ornament on the roof.

I don't think you can stop there for a month. Have you guys forgotten the now-doubled ticking clock? Eclipse and comet?

Oh ok we're doing 1984 now. Damn. This show goes places.

I stand corrected. Everyone knows about the war and would be appropriately non-welcoming to firebending. But not openly. This could be like one of those Bugs Bunny bits where he traps someone in societal rules. If someone told a firebender not to bend, all they would have to do to get the guy off their case would be to ask why they aren't supposed to be firebending. What's the guy going to say, because there's a war on?

Shout out to Pong for doing the Gaang a solid and providing the only useful info since they've arrived.

There is something very Gollum-like about Jet, crouched in laundry on a roof in the dark, talking to his stolen spark rocks.

Sokka. Feet off the artwork.

Time for Toph to weaponise her oppressive upbringing and out-fancy the fancies in the name of ending the war.

Aang can master an element in a couple of months but a qualified expert declared manners to be beyond him.

I just realised that Sokka and Katara don't have a last name.

Sneaking into a Bear's (JUST Bear's) birthday party may be the single least violent infiltration attempt in the show so far.

Smellerbee is very articulate, and it's rare that this show spells out its themes so obviously. No metaphors, just "you're obsessed. It's not healthy." And Jet still doesn't get it. Maybe Smellerbee should have tried metaphors.

Normally glowy green stuff is bad news, but all of Ba Sing Se's green lighting is surprisingly cozy.

Sometimes, rarely but sometimes, Zuko has to put up with a lot of nonsense.

A raise? Did I miss a timeskip?

Busting in to a local business, yelling about the enemy, pulling out a lethal weapon: How to Look Sane, A Guide by Jet.

Customers, amirite?

I guess the Bei Fongs are too minor as nobles?

"You don't know what I had to do to get seats this near the bear!" but I want to.

I know this guy's voice from something.

Momo ghost plan. I want it.

Pretty funny that the busboys plan works better than the fancy ladies plan. Goes to show you should always play to your strengths.

Get de-wheated punk.

I'm not sure I've rooted for Zuko this wholeheartedly since The Storm.

Jet be like.

Judy is not good at her job. Like really not good. Her insistence on getting out of there before they cause a scene caused the scene. Nice going!

The music slowing down when Judy's face falls is really effective.

You ever get the feeling that it should be Aang who ran away to the circus rather than Ty Lee?

Actually a travelling circus would be a great way to be, and remain, an incognito airbender. Aang should have done that rather than frozen himself. Ok I'm not sure how much say he had in that, but you know what I mean.

For the first time in his life, Zuko has people take his side. It's too bad that it's based on a lie, but it must feel nice.

I would have preferred if Zuko had a clean win against Jet - they're both great with swords, but I thought Zuko was better - but an assist from the funky hat police works too.

I'm getting some funky vibes from the funky hat police.

Bye! I won't miss you!

The face on the guy on the left is the funniest part of this episode.

Now these are some funky hats.

I know this scene is supposed to be scary and tense and action-packed, but I can't get over the fact that the king just did a drive by. They carried him in one side and out the other. This concludes the King's presence at his Bear's birthday party. He's a very busy man, you see.

Long Fang's title keeps getting fancier.

Brain washing crops up quite a lot in kids' cartoons. This is not the first time I've seen this plot beat.

Forget the Fire Lord. Forget the Fire Nation. Long Fang just threatened Appa. Long Fang has to die now.

The Judys are replaceable. Given everything else this city seems ok with, they're probably disposable too. Yikes!

Final Thoughts

This episode was probably the most expository I've seen this season. Maybe even the whole show. It was a big infodump with barely any humour. Actually that's wrong; there was humour, but not to my taste.

Jet is infuriating as usual. I think the writers are going for the villainous decay trope, because smooth-talking season one Jet hasn't reappeared once.

I feel really sorry for Smellerbee and the archer guy. I wonder if they even wanted to go to Ba Sing Se in the first place.

Once again, for the third episode in a row, Zuko is one of, if not the, most reasonable character. Season one shouty Zuko is gone. Is this what I think it is? Has Zuko really turned a corner? If so, I'm liking (rather, disliking less) this new Zuko. This is good. I'm also surprised, because in my experience, if you want to domesticate someone, you don't put them in a customer-facing role. That will have the opposite effect and make them turn feral.

Iroh is having too much fun. It's good for him to have something of his own going on. I think he's been in Zuko wrangling mode 24/7 for the last two? three? years, so he definitely deserves to pursue his own interests for a bit. But I can't see Zuko being a tea boy for long before he's back to needing wrangling.

What's the long term plan though? Are Zuko and Iroh going to live the rest of their lives in Ba Sing Se? Are they waiting for something? Are Iroh and Zuko functionally dead, with Lee and Mushi taking their place?

I will give the show credit for finally coming up with and antagonistic force that Aang & company can't just bend or talk into submission. Bureaucratic tomfoolery covering for authoritarian censorship and information suppression and re-education was not something I'd ever have expected in this show, because it's a little too much like the real world, if you know what I mean.

I don't like seeing our heroes unable to triumph, so this episode was kind of uncomfortable to watch. It felt off the whole way through, which I credit to that creepy music box tune that played throughout. The soundtrack of this episode was a cut above what I usually hear in this show. I noticed it more than I usually do, and I mean that in a good way.

As someone who'd be lucky to pass as a busboy, upper class intrigue and social games stuff doesn't do it for me, so this wasn't an episode I was going to enjoy anyway. I preferred the B plot with Zuko and Iroh, for the sheer absurdity of the concept. Imagine you're in 1950s London, having barely survived the Blitz, and you come across Himmler working in a pub. It's so odd that it almost wraps back around to normal again.

I didn't find this episode very enjoyable. I don't like the forced inactivity that's been imposed on the Gaang. The humour was not to my taste. The worldbuilding was substantial, but - probably thanks to Joo Dee, whose name I've definitely been misspelling - it felt inorganic, like a lecture. Which the writers do lampshade by making Joo Dee sound like one of those audio guide things you rent from tourist attractions. But lampshading a fault does not make a fault go away.

Thanks to what happens to Jet, I know that the people of Ba Sing Se don't dare even think about the war, for their own safety. But after spending more than half a season being shown every type of refugee and victim of war in other parts of the Earth Kingdom, I could not bring myself to give a flying fuck over Pong's concern for keeping his house. The city is frustrating, the officials are frustrating, their priorities are beyond frustrating. Zuko was right when he said he didn't want to make a life there, although I did find the lower ring where Zuko and Iroh are to be far more comfortable than the high ring where the gaang is.

This episode makes me want to bite something.

And still no Appa.

[ms-demeanor]

(remaking the post because you can't edit polls and i gave the wrong options)

Alright I'm registering for classes and someone needs to talk me out of doing stupid shit but I'm unsure of what shit is stupidest.

Winter term:

I just finished an 8-week photo class that ended up being a huge investment in time just to go and shoot. However that was introductory photography and there is a 6-week intermediate photography class over winter term. I am signed up for photography. (Elective option for AA in Visual Arts)

There is also a 6-week introductory python course over winter term that I am signed up for and will be taking. I'm solid on that one, as long as I pass my C# class this term I'm going to be taking Python for 6 weeks at the beginning of the year.

Spring term:

College Chemistry Saturday class. 7am to 12pm for sixteen weeks. Lab and lecture; this school doesn't offer any chem classes that are after standard 9-5 hours during the regular week or that can be taken even partially online. Pretty sure I'm going to be stuck with this one and am configuring the rest of my schedule around being *less* miserable because of this class.

Survey of Western Art - Online, seems like a gimme. Does have a textbook but not one that I'm going to pay for. (Required for AA in Visual Arts)

2-Dimensional Design - Online, seems fun and like a gimme, Free/No textbook. (Required for AA in Visual Arts)

Object-Oriented Programming - Online, seems difficult, expensive textbook. Will probably be very necessary if I end up going down a more CS/tech path. Probably going to force myself to take this class.

Java Programming - Online, seems not unapproachable, expensive textbook. I don't particularly wanna but my school offers really limited options for computer science and I want to get what I can out of it before I go somewhere else.

Rationale for these weird combinations:

I'm applying as a nursing student at three schools and a biochem student at one of those schools (nutrition programs are apparently only for first-time students; 2nd Bachelor's applications are a lot more limited. I could apply to major in Francophone Studies at one of the schools though). Supposing I get accepted, these classes certainly won't hurt my status at any school that accepts me and the chemistry class is going to be really really necessary. This is the "i give a fuck about nutrition science and also directly helping people" path and if I go this way I'm interested in NP programs down the line. LOTS more school of the serious "I can't work and do this kind of school at the same time" variety.

If I *don't* get accepted to the programs I'm applying to, I'm going to go to a different community college and start working on a couple of AS degrees in computer junk (network admin and security management, computer and networking technology) and get some computer junk certs. I don't think I want/need a BS in compute science, this is the "practical" route of "I could finish this stuff pretty easily and continue working in a field where I have a lot of connections and familiarity with the industry but I am indifferent about a lot of it (pretty passionate about security and accessibility tho). Also allows me to keep working while I just churn school in the background, and all of the computer classes are transferable between the two schools.

Art classes: I think having multiple degrees is funney. I am currently 5 classes away from an AA in visual arts, at the end of this term I will be 4 classes away; if I take all the classes here and can take an elective over the summer I'll have a degree in visual arts. (There is a reasonable possibility that I'll continue taking bullshit classes behind the scenes to get silly degrees regardless of what happens otherwise)

Pretty sure the sensible thing is to drop *at least* photography and survey of western art and also possibly Java and 2D design. I'm somewhat concerned that if my spring term is just Saturday chem and object oriented programming I will start biting things.

So: