#i prefer the risk over him not being able to easily find gay shit on my nightmare of a blog

[hydnes]

not to get philosophical but i don't believe in soulmates at all, i feel like that stuff just cheapens hard work and gives younger people the wrong expectations. nor do i really believe in fate even though i already know that everything that will happen has already happened

but sometimes, you have something so precious that you want to believe it'd always find you no matter what. and i can definitely understand that

[garrothromeave]

mcd garroth + laurance headcanons for the sake of me posting something while working on my long-ass post, also happy birthday blaze ily, 

garroth - total momma’s boy. seems obvious, but it’s true -- back in o’khasis, he was practically glued to the side of zianna. whenever she had to leave for a few days when he was younger, he’d cry if he couldn’t go with her. when he left for the guard academy, he wrote to zianna on a daily basis. to put it simply, he had separation anxiety. the hardest thing about faking his death was not being able to see or talk to his mother. - incredible piano player. his father made him take lessons when he was younger for quite a few years, but he was naturally very good at it. he never mentions this skill to anyone. while they were at malachi’s castle and were looking for materials before they left, garroth stumbled upon an old piano and played something. he got really into it, and laurance ended up stumbling on him playing. he made laurance swear to never tell anyone about it. - when garroth was around eight or nine, his stutter was so bad that garte didn’t let him speak in public or around any people other than the family out of shame. vylad and zianna used to help garroth with his stutter.

- garroth is very sensitive to the saying “oh my irene.” growing up in the ro’meave house, it was taboo to use irene’s name in vein. or anywhere in o’khasis, really. nowadays he’s still very caustious whenever he says it, because he thinks that someone is going to yell at him. - horrified of getting hurt. back during the days of training in the guard academy, while he was very good with technique and fighting itself, he had a very bad flinching problem. overall, for the longest time, wounds and pain made garroth very uncomfortable. because of this fear of getting hurt, he has a bit of a stubble because of the one time he hurt himself while shaving.   - 6′4, because 6′11 is unbelievably tall and i honestly don’t even think that it’s canon? s’yeah. he seems 6′4 to me.

- garroth often sees new things and (internally) has this very child-like wonder response. he was sheltered for the entirety of his childhood and teenagehood. and after the guard academy, he stayed put in the same village for 5 years -- so he hasn’t experienced very much. he often wants to ask dozens of questions, but because of his shyness, he tends to just observe anything new very closely. which leads me to my next headcanon,

- because of o’khasis’ intolerance to many things, he was not very commonly exposed to magick’s users. the first magicks user that he directly met would be zoey, and he was very nervous when talking to her the first time he met her. when garroth gets to know her more, she catches on that he’s curious about a lot of things, and offers to tell him about things. he declines, and he regrets that decision to this day.

- as stated before, o’khasis isn’t very tolerable of things, which caused garroth to develop incredibly bad internalized homophobia. when aphmau comes along, he gets a very strong desire to protect her (little do we know, this strong desire comes from his connection with esmund) and confuses it for/tries to convince himself that it’s romantic love. it is in fact love, just platonic. so basically, this man’s gay as hell.

- garroth has more freckles than any other ro’meave family member. he’s mildly insecure about his freckles, seeing them as a ‘childish’ trait, which is why he wasn’t very bothered with the idea of hiding his face with his helmet. 

- his hair is super curly. it used to be more tame, but as he got older, it got more curly. it’s usually a mess because he doesn’t know how to take care of it, but it somehow looks hot as hell. (no homo ofc.)

- garroth is allergic to blueberries. 

- raven was garroth’s first genuine connection since he left o’khasis. zenix was his second. he loves raven a lot, and hates that he can’t see him as often as he’d like to.

- garroth is a total cat person. don’t get me wrong, he loves dogs, but if he were to choose between having one or the other, he’d choose to have a cat. he had a pet cat when he was little that he still thinks about a lot. (probably named sprinkles, just for the hell of it.)

- because of how he grew up, garroth’s actually a very picky eater. while he’d never admit it to himself or anyone else, he misses the more “rich-people” food he was spoiled with. 

- garroth isn’t actually that stupid, when he first arrived at pheonix drop, he had a name in mind that he wanted to go by (to better hide his identity). however, when his name was asked by someone, he panicked and “garroth” accidently slipped. he beat himself up for the longest time after that. the only reason he finally let go is because no one had ever pointed out how/seemed suspicious he had the same name as the deceased first-born son of o’khasis.

laurance - his hair grows decently quick, so even after cadenza cut it for him, it only took about 4 months for it to grow back just past his shoulders. he prefers it having some length to it anyways, and usually ties is back into a ponytail. after the irene dimension, he would let nekoette braid his hair. - has a very lanky body type. naturally has long limbs, and would often get called a ‘stick’ when he was younger. he’s about 5′11. but don’t confuse his thinner stature for weakness, he matches garroth’s strength easily.

- bi icon. fuck that “you were my first kiss” bullshit he gives aphmau, the list exists and while it’s stupid and weird, according to it, garroth was his first kiss. which is fuckin funny as hell if you think about it.

- laurance is very good with animals. more so rodents and smaller creatures, like squirrels, birds, rabbits, etc. cadenza was convinced that laurance could talk to animals for the longest time. he even had this little mouse that would pop in his house. however, on the contrary, larger animals -- not so much. he’s shit with horses and cows, especially. 

- incredible singer. has serenaded aphmau on multiple occasions, and has even gotten her to sing along with him from time to time. he sang for malachi to help him fall asleep every night since the day they met him. this caused him to start singing for levin at night as well. when laurance saw malachi again after the 15 year jump, within the first few days of his return, malachi asked for laurance to sing for him again just like he used to. which brings me to my next headacanon,

- laurance saw malachi as his own child, and treated him as such. they were very close, and malachi was the most heartbroken over laurance’s disappearance since he saw him very much as a father. it wasn’t that laurance favored malachi over levin that created this bond, it was the fact that laurance first-hand saw a child in need of a home and someone to love him, and it reminded him of when he was small. 

- he’s a sucker for bets. gambles, wages, anything like that. while he’s not directly a gambler, if someone offers he’s sure to accept. he’s a risk-taker, and ends up getting really into it. this also branches into his competitive behavior. he’ll be really upset and possibly a bit petty if he loses. why else do you think he still hadn’t given castor the 5 dollars he owes him?

- slingshot master. you give this motherfucker a slingshot he can kill someone with his impeccable aim. he’s also very good with a bow and arrow or any sort of projectile, but he’s the best with a slingshot. when he was younger, he hand-made slingshots from materials that he’d find around the forest.

- speaking of the forest, laurance is a very nature-loving soul. when he moved to meteli when he was adopted, he’d often go and explore the forests nearby. he and cadenza would use their imaginations and play all sorts of games. laurance and her especially loved to climb trees, and would jump from branch to branch. this helped laurance become very flexible. this is also how he met sasha, she was sitting in his favorite tree one day and they just hit it off from there.

- after he was rescued from the nether, laurance frequently had nightmares that would lead into sleep paralysis episodes. the first time it happened garroth had been looking over him (since this was around the time when laurance first got back and garroth had allowed aphmau to go do her lord tasks while he watched over him) and when he had the ability to move and speak again, he started freaking out. garroth had to calm him down and assure laurance that he’d talk to zoey about what happened. garroth and zoey are the only ones that know of laurance’s sleep paralysis, mainly because he didn’t want to worry aphmau or anyone else. zoey often gave him ways to cope with it. it didn’t happen every night, but it did occur at least 5-6 times a month. his sleep paralysis stopped the moment he entered the nether for the second time. 

- the first time laurance heard he’d made the list for the jury of nine, he felt honoured. when he was oblivious to how corrupt it was, he saw it as a huge opportunity. after learning about it’s true nature, he was still glad that he’d made the list -- because him being on the list prevented another person from risking being on the list and being chosen to be apart of the jury.

- yes, laurance can cook very will in this universe as well. it’s not that he was taught, it’s more that he can look at ingredients and just throw them together to make great combinations. zoey also taught him a few things.

- laurance does not know his real birthday. malachi does not remember his. since cadenza had “given” laurance a birthday, he offered to let malachi share his unofficial birthday with him. malachi accepted. 

garroth + laurance

- laurance began referring to garroth as “pretty boy” after seeing his face. he continued to call him that for the first month of their friendship. garroth hated it, and that’s the only reason laurance eventually stopped.

- laurance and garroth are both very good story tellers, but after one incident where garroth was telling levin and malachi a story, he started stumbling a bit over his words and couldn’t articulate correctly, so laurance picked it up and continued it. from there, they took turns with the story and occasionally interrupted one another to add a detail or plot point, and after that, malachi refused to listen to garroth or laurance separately when telling stories, because their collective minds came up with the most fascinating shit.

- garroth isn’t the best at coming up with insults because he’s simply too nice, but laurance loves to make fun of garroth (in good fun, of course). however, there is one thing that garroth could hold over laurance; and that was their height difference. whenever laurance would mess with him, garroth would just bring up height to piss laurance off. 

- when laurance regained his sight, him and garroth sparred very often. that’s when garroth realized how much strength laurance actually had, since he’d originally underestimated him. laurance, in all honesty, was equally surprised. their spars were pretty evenly matched.

- while these two are best friends, the amount of arguments they’ve had is insane. most of them were light-hearted and were more so disagreements, but sometimes things escalated and would result in yelling. that’s because laurance always took it a step too far. that, or garroth would try to disregard what they were talking about, which only made laurance more heated. but they’re both incredibly quick to forgive each other. once they had a really bad argument and didn’t talk for an entire hour afterwards, but once they saw each other again it was like they’d never fought. 

- since garroth grew up with everything and laurance often had to hunt and shit, garroth wasn’t amazing at it. laurance found out, originally teased garroth, but gave him tips and took him out and taught him how to hunt. garroth’s still shit at it when he does it alone, but when he does it with laurance he’s pretty decent. 

- garroth doesn’t drink. laurance does. laurance once tried to convince garroth to drink, but he refused -- which laurance respected, but garroth had to deal with drunk laurance for the rest of the night at the guard station. he learned things that he really wish he hadn’t that night. 

---

i had more for garroth and laurance’s relationship, but uh, i don’t really have time to write them down, so take these for now! i hope y’all enjoy them as much as i did writing them :]

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 18

Chapters: 18/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

They cook, they feed him, they chat away about inane things. Their presence soothes Martin and their voices fill him with the warmth sucked away by his unexpected encounter.

Gerry helps him make tea after dinner, and they all sit at the table together, even the cats sleeping nearby, cuddled up into one big, grey and black fluff ball.

"I think," Martin begins, voice croaky, "That I would like to tell you now."

"We're ready to listen if you're ready to tell us." Jon offers softly. Gerry reaches over to take one of his hands, turning it over to kiss the palm sweetly.

Martin talks, voice quiet and even.

"In the beginning, it was just a normal relationship. Except for the fact that he was almost twenty years older than me, and about a million times richer. I didn't know that at first, of course. He was just a middle-aged man I met in a gay bar, who didn't seem to mind that I was trans. I felt secure in our relationship, if not exactly nurtured or adored. I had never felt very secure before, and it seemed like enough, you know?

"He took me out, brought me a few things in the beginning. He was very dominant, sexually, but I was a lot less sure of my own preferences back then and I thought it was fine. He never even blinked at my trashy flat or cheap clothes, and I didn't even realise just how much money he had for a long time. Maybe I just can't really comprehend that much money, even now.

"When I was twenty-two, my mother died, and…" He huffs out a shaky, emotional laugh. "Well, I was a real mess. I lost my job, and almost my flat. Peter started paying for things, my rent, clothes, meals. He said that I needed somewhere to live and had to eat and look presentable, and it was his pleasure to provide those things for me. It made me feel a bit gross, but I struggled to find another job, and so I accepted it."

Martin hesitates here, before continuing. "The problem started when I wasn't interested in sex one night."

"He forced you?" Gerry interrupts to ask dangerously, threat explicit in his quiet words. His eyes seem to glow faintly in the growing dark of the room, as the sun sets. He wishes, more than ever, that he had helped Jon kick the shit out of Peter Lukas, instead of stopping him.

Martin sighs, eyes pressed tight closed for a second. "Not exactly. He simply pointed out that he paid for me to exist. So I made myself interested."

Gerry's hands tighten into fists and he moves them under the table where Martin can't see them anymore. Jon suddenly looks very pale. They share a look, neither able to see much difference between 'forcing' and what sounds a lot like financial abuse to them.

Martin pulls his legs up to his chest, curling around them as he goes on. "Our relationship became a lot more transactional after that night. I disengaged whatever feelings I had left for him and simply drew all my emotions down deep into myself. I wasn't ashamed to be getting paid for sex, but I felt like I had lost my own consent in the matter. Peter honestly seemed like he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Money was nothing to him, and he had someone to take out on his arm or shag whenever he wanted, without the work of a real relationship, or the complications of unfortunate attachments.

"So, if I needed something, I told him. He set a date, took me out, fucked me. He gave me however much I needed."

Martin shrugs, looking down at his hands. "I honestly hated it. Not because of the prostitution itself, sex has always been very nurturing for me, and I sometimes caught the idea that it was only another way to care for people, and being paid for that is perfectly fine, if you're doing it for the right reasons. The real issue was Peter himself. He had this way of making me feel… bereft and hollow, even before the money came into it."

A few tears track down his face, although his face remains rather blank, in a numb way. It's only as he admits the next words that his voice breaks and the heartbreak works its way out again.

"I was very foolish. Looking back, I can see that I was still a child in a lot of ways. I put myself into a situation that damaged me, but I accept the consequences of those actions, both then and now. I- I-"

"Martin," Jon whispers, warm love clear in his voice. It's nothing but an offer of support, one that he desperately needs right now.

He presses his eyes shut, forcing away the stutter and the lump of tears. "I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of it, even if I got a crap, minimum wage job that I was qualified for. So I started applying for any work that was available. I made every application exactly what they wanted, and I hoped for the best. When Elias offered me the job at Magnus, I took it happily. Since then I found out that Peter knows him, and probably arranged the job for me, but at the time I had no idea. Looking back, I know that it's a miracle that I got out of it at all. Peter could have chosen to make my life a living hell. Instead, he accepted the several firm rejections I offered him.

"He promised me that we weren't done, that I would be back, but he left me alone. I was done. I moved on with my life, even if I had to lie to do it." Martin sighs, shakes out his shoulders, the most difficult part over now.

"I had always planned to be open about it with my next relationships, but they were so fleeting that it never even came up. By the time I fell for Jon, it had become a secret, one I was loathed to dig up for a relationship I was convinced wouldn't last. I thought to myself, 'Why ruin something that makes me happy?' I assumed it would fall apart anyway, and it was easier to allow it to be in the past.

"But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you. I'm sorry you had to find out from him. I'm sorry that we've been together for more than a year and we basically live together, and I've put you in this position. I love you both, very very much."

"When did you eventually decide that our relationship was going to last?" Jon queries, genuine curiosity in his voice.

There's a beat of hazy silence at the abrupt change in tone and topic.

"Oh, ah-" Martin stumbles over his words, unsure how blatantly honest to be. He chooses the real truth, no matter how unfortunate. "The day that I got Luna was the first time I really accepted that you both loved me."

Jon simply raises an eyebrow, completely unconcerned. "What about you, Gerry?"

"With you," Gerry responds easily, "at the hospital in Morden, when I was so panicked that I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill you or handcuff us together for the rest of our lives. With Martin-"

He breaks off with a laugh, colouring slightly. "It was the day we dyed my hair purple."

"The first time we had sex?" Martin asks, surprised at such a hedonistic answer.

He laughs again, more confidently this time. "No, actually, although that was spectacular. It was afterwards, when you braided my hair for the first time. That was the first time anyone had ever braided my hair. It made me feel so… So honoured. Like I was the most precious thing to you."

"Gerry, you are the most precious thing to me. You both are." Martin whispers, tears creeping back into his voice.

"Good, because the feeling is mutual, and we desperately need you around to keep us in line," Jon tells him, voice unusually firm and confident.

"What about you?" Martin remembers to ask him, at risk of floating away in his post confession haze. "When did you know?"

"With Gerry, it was when we were teenagers. I kissed him for the first time, and he laughed at me. I just knew he was my soulmate." Jon rolls his eyes at this, but his voice is full of blatant affection. "With you, Martin, it was- Well, to be quite honest with you, there was no one special moment. It was a million tiny moments, all of them special and perfect to me. Every cup of tea, every frown while you were writing poetry, glasses pushed haphazardly up into your lovely hair. The easy, glorious look on your face the day you met Gerry for the first time, as if you weren't even capable of not falling in love with him, just as I hadn't been. It was especially the days that I would come out of the library and find you waiting for me after work. This weight of total surety would fill my chest and leave me gasping, needing you."

Jon sighs, his own eyes a little bright. "I suppose it was really the night you kissed me in the rain, and every soft moment since then has only affirmed the way I knew you were it for me."

Jon smiles at Martin so beatifically that he forgets to breathe for a moment.

"We love you too, Martin," Gerry tells him, reaching out to grasp a hand. Jon takes the other. "And we wouldn't want you any other way."

***

The next morning, Martin wakes to find Jon eyeing his phone intently. Gerry is asleep on his other side, and he feels warmly cocooned between them. Gentle cloudy light fills the space, encouraging the comfortable cozy atmosphere of their bed.

"What's wrong, love?" Martin asks sleepily, snuggling into his side.

"I got-" Jon pauses, utterly flummoxed. "I got paid a bonus."

"What?" Equally perplexed, Martin takes his phone, squinting as he tries to read the screen.

The banking app is open, and there is indeed a deposit there, Jon's normal salary amount, but on completely the wrong date.

In the purpose box, it simply reads 'Entertainment Value'.

"You don't think," Jon starts, hesitant, "that Elias paid me…"

"For hitting Peter Lukas?" Martin finishes, "His own husband."

They blink at each other, bewildered.

"Does that seem… slightly cursed, to you?" Jon whispers as if Elias might hear him. Even worse if Elias could hear them, and would probably enjoy being accused of having a cursed relationship.

"Yes, completely cursed. What is up with those two?" Martin looks as if he's smelled something bad.

"We absolutely cannot spend this money, right?" Jon asks. "Lest we are cursed with their relationship dysfunction."

"Correct," Martin responds firmly, shuddering. "Can we donate it to the animal shelter?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Jon's relief at this resolution is palpable.

He does it straight away, as if even having the money in his bank account might ruin their lives.

They let out a simultaneous sigh as the transfer goes through.

"That is wild," Martin mutters as he snuggles back down.

Jon tosses his phone away, no longer interested in it. Instead, he wraps his arms around Martin, burying his nose in his lover's hair. It smells of bergamot and tea leaves and the ocean in winter, just like Martin himself, and Jon luxuriates in the moment.

"I love you, Martin K. Blackwood." He whispers into the soft air.

"Even if I don't actually have a middle name?" Martin whispers back.

"Especially because of that." Jon chuckles.

They lay together, the gentle moments of the morning flowing around them. Later, they get up and shower together. They drink tea in front of the big windows in the living space. Martin reads a book from Gerry's shelves, his own books still packed, and Jon wanders off to play his piano where it is randomly set up, right in the middle of Gerry's typical painting area.

Gerry himself appears downstairs, still sleepy and bleary-eyed. He curls up with his head in Martin's lap, listening to Jon fill the flat with gentle music.

It's the soft sort of moment that each of them had been wishing for all their lives, full of love, and family, and a home of their very own.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #312

“robert’s got a quick hand  /  he’ll look around the room, he won’t tell you his plan.”

Do you kiss your pets? Yes. Have you thought about whether or not you're gay? I actually have briefly questioned if I'm just purely lesbian due to how incredibly averse to simply seeing penises I am, but considering I'm still perfectly capable of being attracted to everything else, I'm obviously not. It's just this weird disgust I naturally have. Have you ever had gay thoughts for your best friend? Well I dated her, so like- Have you ever had an STD? No. Would you say you are addicted to texting or to the person you are texting? Nah, definitely not. I always enjoy texting Sara, but I'm not addicted to doing so. Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Yes; I still live with my mom, so it'd be very hypocritical not to. Would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? Nah. Sexual "talent" just doesn't matter very much to me, and besides, before or after marriage, you discover what you like together. Would it bother you if your bf/gf flirted with someone else? ???????????? yes????????????? Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Oh hell yeah. I honestly really miss doing that with Jason. We were both gamers and would do that frequently. How much does intelligence turn you on? Not like, immensely, but being very smart is definitely attractive. Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? That shit's kinda creepy, imo. Then again, it could be smart for your safety, but idk, something about doing that seems invasive and just weird. I feel like you should learn things directly from their mouth. Could you date someone who had children from a previous relationship? I really don't think I could at this age, at least. I need to be more stable and a figure to look up to. I could probably be a stepmom to like, a teenager or something, but I'm not dating anyone with one of those at only 25. I would have to really, REALLY like the person to even consider dating them with a younger kid. Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Yeah, go for it. Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Yes, definitely. I think waiting too long can make this hard and an awkward change, though; this was the exact situation with Girt. I had a pretty big crush on him my freshman year before Jason, but we were just friends too long. He became my "brother." Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Both are fun. Do you enjoy risk? N O P E. How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never. Not my jam. Do you meditate? No, but I'm considering trying it thanks to group therapy. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Do you have a problem with racist jokes? Um, fuck yes I do. Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? Yeah, like the soul. Do you cook fancy meals for dates? Lol no, I can't cook. Do you litter? No. Don't even fucking dare to in front of me. Do you have a career plan? Yes. Could you live with someone who was really messy? How messy? And would they listen if I asked them to clean up? Do you have any shameful fantasies? Yes. Is art important to you? Art is absoluely vital for my happiness in life. Do you believe in fate or destiny? Nope; you carve your own path. Have you ever called your friend a slut? Ha, jokingly. It's gone both ways. Doing nothing all day makes you feel...? That's me pretty much every day, and it makes me feel awful by the end of it. Do you shower everyday? No. It's bad for your skin and hair. Is work important to you? It clearly is when you consider how stressed I've been for years trying to find a job I can handle. Have you had cosmetic surgery? No, but I probably will have some things done if/hopefully when I lose the weight I want to. Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? My past has proven that not always, no. What I really care about is whether or not they show the intention of getting somewhere, like working on themselves and having plans they're making baby steps towards. If the person is without any motivation to get somewhere in life, no, I can't date them. Could you date someone who does drugs? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you enjoy watching sports? Only dance. Are you a cat or a dog person? Cat, I think, but I love both. Should evolution be taught in schools? Yes, definitely. Separation of church and state, my friend. Are you kinky? I mean I can't say I'm unwilling to try some things that would be considered so, but my sexual experiences so far have been pretty vanilla, and I'm fine with that. Would you do a striptease for your partner? That'd be so fucking awkward lmao. Would you date someone who doesn't have a car? Yeah; again, I don't. It may be problematic if they never wanted to, especially with me being so afraid of driving, but idk. Do you enjoy dancing? If I wasn't so horribly out of shape. Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Lol, wow. What year are we in again? Have you ever met someone in person you met online? Only Sara so far, but I do wanna meet a few others! Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No. Do you ever read your old surveys? No. They're really just a momentary distraction for me. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Ginga Densetsu Weed was fantastic. I'm now anxiously awaiting Meerkat Manor to come on air again this year!! :') When writing stories, do you have trouble coming up with character names or do they come to you easily? I struggle with coming up with completely original names; I used to be good at it back in the day, now I feel like almost anything I come up with sounds stupid. Real words coming up for OCs that somehow fit them come easy for me, though. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Yes, because some preferred it. Have you ever shoplifted, even just once? What did you take? Nope. Have you ever witnessed someone else shoplifting? Did you say something? I don't recall. Is your hair thick, thin, or somewhere in between? it's thick as hell. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh yes, I loved letting the harmless ones wander over my arms as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch? No. What a shocker when you think of Mark, I know, but I've kinda been drifting from enjoying let's plays, especially of random games I don't know or think will be good, so I don't force myself. Have you ever witnessed something burn down? Yes. Diagonal to my childhood house, down the road, there was a huge house fire once. Only the foundation of it is left today. Well, maybe they've rebuilt it, but they sure didn't for a long-ass time. Have you ever won a game of chess? Don't know how to play, so. Have you ever picked strawberries or apples? Strawberries, yes. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? No better than the average joe. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? Three dogs, and my rat Tezzeret. Where on your body did you/would you like to get your first tattoo? I got mine on my right wrist. What’re some movies you love that people wouldn’t expect you to like? The Notebook surprises a lot of people. I adore that movie. Does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain? It's a curtain. What was the last pill you swallowed? I don't remember; I take a lot of meds in the morning. Where’s your dad from? Ohio. Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you? Whoever took the picture of my sister Misty and me hugging. What are you usually doing if you're up late at night? On the rare occasion I'm up late, I'm probably really into doing something in World of Warcraft at the time. I go through spells. Right now I'm barely playing it at all. What do you get when you go to the movies? Popcorn and a drink, always. Do/did you enjoy living with your parents? Yeah. If you were to write a story right now, what would it be about? I'm not interested in starting a new story. The continuous stories in RP are enough for me. If you were to paint something right now, what would it be? I'm unsure. I have a lot of art ideas I want to do, but idk what I'd do first, and besides, I prefer drawing over painting. Do you believe you have a calling? I don't believe in "callings." I believe in natural talents, but I don't feel there's some supernatural or purposeful tactic to it. If you could sing a song before an audience today, what one would it be? Oh god. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. If I didn't, I'd have to think more about this. Do you enjoy public speaking? Fuck no. What pet do you want to have? The pet I want most right now is a plains/western hognose, probably of the lavender morph. I adore those lil piggies. Who do you want to be in your life that is currently not? I go back-and-forth about Jason, even though I know it wouldn't be healthy for me for him to have any part in it. PTSD is a motherfucker. Who do you want to be out of your life that currently is in it? Nobody. What do you have to do to achieve your dream? Most likely for someone(s) with considerable influence or popularity in art to highlight photograph(s) of mine. It's why I enter competitions once in a blue moon if Mom's okay with paying the small fee; it's very, very seldom I even ask, though. I hate asking for things, especially non-necessities with our financial position. Are you ambitious? I think so. I'm determined as a motherfucker to be successful with photography, for one. Do you sell things online? Extremely rarely. Speaking of which, I keep forgetting to take pictures of my flute and guitar since I wanna try to get rid of them. I never played the guitar much, and my sentimental affection for my flute has long since faded, so I might as well make a bit of cash off them to go towards Venus' terrarium upgrade. Do you look the way you want to look? Hell no. Do you pray daily? I never do. Have you been through anything traumatic? Oh yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. What is a medical condition you used to have but don't anymore? I had this very weird spell of frequent vertigo that kinda just... vanished. Do you look your age? I suppose I do. What has made you itch the most? Shaving my legs I guess, considering I would scratch them so badly it left me with permanent scars. Is there anything you're avoiding? If so, what? Probably. Well enough that I can't even think of it right now, haha. What quality do you admire most in others? Empathy. Do you believe that things will get better? Yes. I hope. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I have. How old were you when you started swearing? I was in the 7th grade. I don't know the actual age group for that. Do you have any Indian in your blood? No. What is your favorite sunset color? Pink. Have you ever had dreadlocks? No. Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? Two houses ago, yes. Does the idea of having servants bother you? Yes? Do you like crab? NOOOOOO NO NO. It's mushy and just ew. What song gives you chills? Hell, most music I listen to can. I get chills from music very, very easily, and I'd say either "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade or Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover does it the best, but I could very well be forgetting one. Ah, Bad Wolves' cover of "Zombie" is another very high contender, especially knowing the story behind it with how the original singer was supposed to write it with them, but the day of scheduled recording, she died. What color is your favorite hoodie? It's mostly gray, just with a Pikachu graphic on it. Do you have a string of lights in your room? No, but I've always thought those were really pretty. If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? My real name. What is your friend's cat's name? Sara has a cat named Winter. Did you ignore the last Facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? Probably rolled my eyes and scrolled by just to avoid conflict. I normally have to be HEATED to start something. If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? Peace, most likely. Do you have a blog? No. Do you think you are good at writing poetry? I think so, but it takes more thinking than it used to. Do you take gummy vitamins? No, but I wish I took vitamins. Would probably do me some good. If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to write about? Hm. I'm always up for arguing for LGBT rights. There's a good handful of topics I'd enjoy writing about, though. Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime? Well, I've pirated things before, so... I kinda crossed that threshold. Other than that, no, not to my memory. Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? I wrote one and am forever humiliated by it. ...and then realized you wanted to live? No, I OD'd afterwards. Well wait... I was kinda on the line I guess, considering once I did it, I panicked and told Mom. If you have a class ring, what color is the stone? I didn't get one. Do you like apple cider hot or cold? I can't remember the last time I had either. Do you use window clings (stickers for your window)? No. Have you ever found a secret compartment? I don't remember ever finding one anywhere. Do you read horror stories? Sometimes RP pretty much turns into horror stories, haha. Do you ever comfort eat? I am VERY bad at that. Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? No, only skeletal basics of it. Does sunlight make you happier? Yes. This is a scientific fact. Do you feel depressed in the winter? No. What's your favorite shade of green? Like a pastel mint color. What channel is your TV usually on? Mom always has Netflix or Hulu on, I think. Do you drive with the windows down or the air on? I strongly prefer AC. How many pairs of jeans do you have? Zero. Do you sleep with a comforter or quilt? A comforter. Who is your favorite American president? I don't know nearly enough about any of 'em to make a fair judgment. Do you jump right in a pool or do you get in slowly? Whew, my jumping in the pool days are long over. Do you use one swimsuit for the summer or do you have many? I just have a single black one-piece. Do you use the bumpers when you bowl? Nah. Sorta affects the fun for me since it's less reason to focus. Do you put eyeliner on the top, bottom, or all around your eyes? All around. Will you refuse to listen to music if you find the lyrics degrading? Depends on how degrading, but usually, it doesn't play a part in deciding if I like the song itself or not. Can you do a cartwheel? I never even tried; I was always too afraid of breaking my neck. Do you have tornadoes where you live? Occasionally, but they're not a big thing here. What's your favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. What's the most expensive crafts tool that you own? Miss Tobey got me a big pack of Prismacolor pencils one year that I really cherish. Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No. What's the most exotic spice in your spice rack? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have a favorite television host? Steve Harvey is The Shit. What's something you're opinionated and very vocal about? LGBTQ+ rights and the pro-choice ideology lead the bunch. The lack of morality in hunting for sport, too. What's something you regularly order online? Nothing regularly. Do you like elevators? No; quite the opposite, actually. When you're angry, does it ever get physical? Absolutely not. What's the weirdest video YouTube has suggested to you? I don't really know. I'm certain I've seen some wild suggestions, though, given just how much of a heavy user I am of YT. Do you like the smell of tar? Ugh, no. Never understood that. Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? I'd like a rainbow flag for my room to hang somewhere.

[thatonemsft15]

Knbvdaychallenge2020

Day 3 - Flowers/You’re beautiful, you know that?

Summary: Riko has self-doubts. There’s nothing Hyuuga has ever doubted about her (besides her cooking).

Relationship: Aida Riko/Hyuuga Junpei

Author’s Note: I know I’m late, but my fics wanted to cause trouble and end up longer than I intended, so I’m hecticly trying to get through them. This is the first one I was able to finish, and my first time ever posting a fic for Kuroko no Basket. Hope you guys like it!

Prompts by @vanilla-daydreams and @theuglycrybaby. Thank you guys so much for this little fandom boost!

Read it on AO3

Hyuuga is worried.

It’s not a particularly new feeling. He was worried when Kiyoshi got injured. He was worried they wouldn’t get any new recruits when their second year started. He’s been in a non-stop state of worry over losing his damn mind since they did get new recruits, and they all turned out to be little shits he regularly wants to beat the crap out of.

He’s never been worried about Aida Riko.

The toxic waste she calls food, yes, (Kagami’s been helping in that regard, so maybe he won’t have to risk dying just to spare her feelings anymore) but never Riko herself. Riko has only ever been strong, it’s one thing he’s always been able to count on, but earlier today she looked…frail.

Not pale, not ill, not malnourished. Hyuuga has seen her be all of those things at one point or another, but her resolve never once wavered. The strength of her mind, her character, everything that makes up the Riko he fears, admires, and lo—respects, seemed to have vanished. The Riko of today looked as if saying one wrong thing to her could shatter her into pieces.

So yeah, he’s worried. Even more so when he walks into their fifth class—ten minutes late because he had to speak with another teacher about a failed assignment—to find her usual seat empty. He gets scolded by their English teacher, and informed of what pages of grammar exercises to complete for the first half of class, before taking his usual seat by Koganei and Mitobe.

“Where’s Riko?” Hyuuga asks gruffly.

Koganei shrugs, brows furrowed in concentration. English has always been his worst subject.

Hyuuga clenches his jaw. He doesn’t know how to deal with things like this. It’s one of those situations that makes him wish he were more like Kiyoshi.

Kiyoshi’s an instigating bastard that likes to pretend he’s an airhead, but he always seems to know what people need. Hyuuga has never been good with other people—he’s not even sure how he’s managed to keep Izuki as a friend for so many years. He doesn’t even know how to ask someone what’s wrong without sounding like a dick.

Kiyoshi does.

Should he make an excuse to leave class and go find her?

Kiyoshi would.

What does Riko do when she’s upset? Where would she go?

Kiyoshi probably knows stuff like that.

He’s spent so much time trying to avoid certain aspects of his relationship with Riko that he’s realizing he may have neglected some very important other ones.

Koganei’s distraught voice breaks him out of his downward spiral.

“Rinn, for the last time, I don’t need your help. I’m gonna figure it—what?” Hyuuga leans over, catching Mitobe as he cuts Koga off with a serious of flustered gestures and a melancholy expression. “Oh.Oh.”

Koganei turns to him then, eyes somber.

Hyuuga feels a twinge of panic crawl up his spine. “What?”

“Mitobe says he might know where Riko is.”

He gives Koganei a ‘go on’ look, but the cat-mouthed boy just looks uncomfortable, shifting in his seat. Hyuuga promptly loses his patience.

“Am I gonna have to beat it out of you?”

He can tell Koganei wants to roll his eyes, but meets him with a serious expression instead.

“He said she’s probably at her mom’s grave.”

Hyuuga is silent and still for what feels like an impossibly long time. “Her mom’s…dead?”

Koganei turns to Mitobe, translating his ‘sign language’. “Yeah, a few years ago today.”

Hyuuga…doesn’t understand. Why wouldn’t he know something like this?

“She told you this?”

“No, he was looking up Kagetora-san and found articles from that year.”

Hyuuga leans back in his seat, mind wandering. He hasn’t opened his workbook, hasn’t even unzipped his bag.

He’s never asked Riko about her family. They’ve talked about her dad, of course, ever since Hyuuga found out who he was, but she’s never mentioned her mother.

Kiyoshi would know about Riko’s mom, because he would have asked. He’d know where to find her. He’d know how to console her.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, quickly gathering his bag. Mitobe and Koganei peer up at him, startled.

He ignores them, and their teacher’s disgruntled call of “Hyuuga-san!”, rushing out of the classroom. He doesn’t stop for anyone who calls out to him on his way out of the building, his thoughts swirling around and taunting him.

If Kiyoshi were here, he wouldn’t have let her out of his sight until he figured out the problem, and tried one of his patented Kiyoshi fix-it disasters that somehow always end up working.

If Kiyoshi were here, she wouldn’t have had to deal with this on her own.

If Kiyoshi were here…Hyuuga clenches his fists.

Sometimes, he feels like he’s the one who should’ve gone to America.

Sometimes, he wishes Kiyoshi was the one in love with Riko.

*****

“Romantic feelings toward Riko? Oh no, not at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. I love you. You guys are my best friends.”

“Oh. Thanks, I guess?”

“Also, I’m very gay.”

Hyuuga spits out his drink. Kiyoshi just laughs, clapping him on the back and handing him a napkin.

*****

Hyuuga finds her fairly easily. He always does.

It took less five minutes to find an article that mentioned which cemetery Riko’s mom is buried in, and with only one stop on the way, the trip was only about forty minutes in total. Upon arriving to the ornate cemetery gates, he’d spotted a head of short, caramel colored hair and their school uniform almost immediately, way up on one of the highest points of the lot.

He scales the hill, approaching a large, grey marble headstone cautiously, making just enough noise to alert Riko of his presence. He stops a few feet away from where she’s sitting with her knees hugged to her chest.

She doesn’t turn to face him, but addresses him all the same. “Hi Hyuuga.”

“How’d you know it was me?” He responds, softly for once.

“I saw you walking up to the gate.” Riko’s voice sounds thick with emotion. Grief.

He nods. Without another word, he bends down to gingerly place the bundle of flowers against the stone. He sits himself down down by Riko, close enough for comfort, but far enough not to crowd her space.

“Lilies?”

“For remembrance.”

“Ah. Thank you.”

Hyuuga shakes his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

Riko laughs weakly. “How could you have? It’s not like I go around broadcasting it.”

He wants to argue that he could’ve paid better attention, even done the slightest bit of research on her father like Mitobe apparently did, but this isn’t about him.

“She was a beautiful woman.” He acknowledges the photo resting against the stone. It’s of Riko’s father and a short-haired woman smiling with a smaller Riko in her arms.

“She was, wasn’t she? She was an amazing mom. Always there for me, encouraging me to do or be whatever made me feel best. Driven, too. She was well on her way to becoming one of the best family lawyers in Tokyo. My dad was obsessed with her.” Riko laughs. Hyuuga can definitely imagine that. “It was always such a nice thing to witness, two people loving each other as much as they did.”

They sit in silence for a few moments. There’s a gentle breeze in the air, and the wafting smell of the lilies he brought permeates the air around them.

“Sometimes I think I’ll never have what they had.”

“Why not?”

“Most guys are afraid of girls like me, like my mom. Ones who are intelligent, ambitious, headstrong,” Riko plucks at her t-shirt. “Who look like thirteen year old boys without a skirt and hair clip. And the boys who aren’t afraid of girls like me are usually weirdos like my dad.” She shivers, wrapping her arms around her legs again.

Hyuuga gazes at her side profile. There’s so many things he wants to say, but he’s not sure if he should say any of them at all, if he even can.

He thinks about how they met. How she helped them form the team that changed all of their lives for the better. He thinks of Saturday afternoons spent shopping, after school study sessions, her father’s knowing glare.

How she trusts him to cut her hair.

Of ordering food and knowing each other’s preferences.

Shared smiles, lingering eye contact, brief touches.

He thinks of everything he knows about her, everything he doesn’t, and how he’s going to bring that gap. He thinks and thinks and thinks, but he isn’t saying anything, and he knows that he has to say something.

His heart races. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Riko scoffs. “Are too.”

Hyuuga nods, because yeah, he is, but that’s not what he meant. “Well yeah, obviously I’m afraid of you. You’re a scary ass coach, but,” He takes a deep, shaky breath, and decides to follow through. “I’m more afraid of losing you as a friend than anything else. Any guy worth a damn would feel the same.”

Riko looks at him then, really looks at him. As if she’s doing one of her scans. He tries not to swallow nervously. He’s getting closer and closer to confession territory. After a painfully long and intense stare down, she gives him a small, barely there smile.

“You don’t have to be afraid of that.” Riko stands, brushing the dirt and grass off of her knee high socks and skirt. “Thank you, for bringing the flowers. And for being here.”

There’s no place I’d rather be.

“No problem.”

On the walk home, there’s a river bank with stone ledges. Riko trots ahead of him, climbing up on the ledge to walk across like a tightrope.

The sun is setting, and it casts a brilliant light around them, dancing off of the water. Riko leans her head back as she walks, smiling softly with the sunlight shining behind her like a halo. Hyuuga blushes.

He isn’t Kiyoshi. He never will be, doesn’t want to be, but there are certain things he can appreciate about the sneaky bastard.

Kiyoshi would tell her how he feels.

“For the record, I don’t think you look like a thirteen year old boy, ever.” He’s ashamed to say he mumbles the last part, cheeks flaming and facing away from Riko. “I think you’re beautiful.”

It’s still not a confession, but it’s about as much as he can take for the day, and piggybacking off of her feelings over her deceased mother just feels wrong. It’s enough for him to try and assuage any lingering doubts she has about herself.

When he finally works up the courage to face her again, Riko is peering at him with a curious expression. He’s more interested in the tinted color of her cheeks, though, and how her eyes seem to say what neither of them could probably ever manage.

But when she hops down from the ledge, fitting herself into his personal space and letting their hands graze each other lightly, he knows that nothing really needs to be said.

(Except maybe a thank you to Kiyoshi, for entangling himself into Hyuuga’s life so thoroughly that he can use him as a comforting standard, but he’ll die before ever letting Kiyoshi know about that.)

[mhbwrites]

Title: Falling For You Summary: Roman and Virgil have been friends for quite awhile now, but Roman's never seen him with his guard down. When he gets the opportunity too... let's just say his heart can't handle it - side story to my high school au - 

Sophomore year was coming to a close, the drama club having just wrapped up their end of year play. Everyone in the club was feeling the post-performance buzz as they worked together taking apart the set and getting everything cleaned up and put away before the end of the day. Cleaning up usually meant joking around and putting off the work for as long as they could because once it was cleaned up, then they weren't allowed backstage until the beginning of the next year. So everyone liked making the most out of the time while they can.

Roman hummed softly as he scrolled through his phone, hitting play on a Disney playlist and music started drifting out through the stereo had set up. He couldn't keep a smile off his face, loving this time of year even though he was always a little sad when a play ends, but it was worth it to see everyone laughing and having a good time together afterwards. He let his gaze flit from group to group, eyes landing on Virgil where he was talking with Logan, perched up on one of the prop boxes and legs swinging idly, feet tapping along to the music. He must have felt eyes on him because he turned his gaze over to Roman, raising an eyebrow when their eyes met. Roman grinned brightly, lifting a hand in a wave, which prompted an eye-roll and a sigh from the other.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Patton asked, coming up beside him, a dress folded over his arm. "Maybe the person you're making flirty eyes at?" His tone was teasing, a grin tugging at his lips as he watched Roman sputtered.

"I'm not flirting with anyone!" Roman huffed out, crossing his arms. He knew Patton was just teasing him, he knew their relationship wasn't like that at all, but he still felt the need to defend himself. Patton just wiggled his eyebrows at him playfully and he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Fine. I guess Virgil is looking a little cute today." he said, deciding to play along for once.

"Oh? So you do think he's cute!" Patton grinned brightly, clapping his hands together. "Do you think Logan is cute too?"

"Ha! As if!"

"You are aware that Virgil and I look the same, don't you?" Logan asked, making his way over to them. He lifted an arm when Patton moved forward for a hug, rolling his eyes fondly down at him.

Roman definitely didn't jump when he suddenly appeared, thank you very much. Even if he did press a hand to his chest dramatically. "You don't look that much alike you know. For example, you wear glasses, like a nerd."

Logan just raised an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly in confusion. "You do know Virgil wears glasses too, don't you? He just prefers to wear his contacts whenever he's out of the house."

Roman blinked once, twice, confused. "He does?" He glanced at Patton for confirmation, frowning slightly when he nodded. "How come I've never seen him in them?" He watched as the other two exchanged a look, already knowing he wasn't going to get an answer. If he wanted to know why, then he was going to have to ask Virgil himself.

Which is how he found himself quietly making his way into the Clarke household, having received a confirmation text from Logan that Virgil was home and in his room with his glasses on. He did feel a little bad about sneaking up on him like this, but this really was the only way to see him completely relaxed. He carefully made his way up the stairs, easily avoiding the creaky parts, slowly inching his way down the hallway. He could see Virgil's bedroom door open and if he leaned just right, he could see him sitting on his bed.

If Roman hadn't know it was Virgil beforehand, he would have thought it was some stranger sitting on the bed instead. Virgil's long hair which normally hide his face was pushed back by a headband, glasses perched on his nose and, from he was able to see, he didn't seem to have any makeup on his face. His lips were barely moving, probably mouthing the words to whatever song he was listening to from the earbuds tucked neatly into his ears and a sketchbook was open, resting on his propped up knees. He looked so... relaxed, unbothered, and Roman found himself slowly inching forward, wanting a closer look but not wanting to startle him.

Unfortunately or him, he forgot about the dog. The second he took another step closer, a small dark head perked up from the end of the bed, looking over at him and wagging her tail. Virgil glanced at her before following her gaze, eyes landing on Roman. Their eyes locked and there was a long moment of silence stretching out between them before he let out a startled yelp, shifting quickly and pulling his blanket up and over his head.

"No! No no no no Virgil!" Roman rushed forward quickly, hands up in a nonthreatening way even though he couldn't be seen. Scaring him like that had been the last thing he had wanted to do and he cursed his curiosity. "It's okay! I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that!"

"What are you doing here Roman?" Virgil's voice sounded small under the blanket and he didn't know how to help make him feel better.

"I just.. I was thinking that we never really spend time together. Just the two of us." Roman came to a stop by the bed, crouching down next to it and hesitantly reaching a hand out, hand hovering over Virgil's covered form. "I should have asked if it was okay for me to come by, and I'm sorry."

There was a moment of silence before Virgil let out a soft sigh, forcing himself to sit up. When he pulled the blanket off from his head, his glasses were no longer on his face and Roman figured he was hiding them for some reason. "It's.. fine. I would have liked a little warning, but I don't mind spending time with you." He grabbed his thrown notebook, flipping the cover closed and fingers playing with an edge, not looking directly at him. He did pat the bed, scooting over a little in invitation.

Roman waited a few seconds before taking up the offer, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed, wanting to give Virgil some space. "You can wear your glasses you know. I'm not going to, you know, judge you or anything." He may just want a closer look at the sight, but he did want him to see.

Virgil just gave a little shrug, pulling the glasses out from beneath the blanket but not putting them on. "I don't really like the way I look in them, so I try not to wear them that much."

"I think you look good!" Roman had to mentally scold himself for sounding a little to enthusiastic. He didn't want to make him feel like he was just screwing around with him. "Not to say you don't look good normally! But -" He cut himself off when Virgil huffed out a laugh, shaking his slightly.

"I get it. Don't get all tongue-tied there princey." He reached over, nudging him slightly before sighing and putting the glasses back on. "Better?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! You look..." Roman turned to face him fully, feeling the words die in his throat. He couldn't help but notice the splattering of freckles across Virgil's cheeks and nose and he was finding it hard to look away. "You have freckles."

"I do." Virgil gave a little shrug, gaze very pointedly looking at his lap. "They're kind of -"

"Cute." Roman cut him off, already knowing where his train of thought was going and wanting to cut it off before it could fully form. "You look very cute right now."

Virgil blinked, an embarrassed flush spreading across his face, cheeks slowly turning pink up to his ears and he glanced at Roman from beneath his lashes. "You think I look cute?"

Roman could feel his heart thump heavily in his chest at the look, his mouth going dry. 'Holy shit I'm gay..' How was he supposed to respond to that? He couldn't exactly lie about it, and he didn't want to anyway. "Uh.. yeah. I do. You look cute like this."

Their eyes met and silence stretched between them, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as Roman would think it would be. He had the overwhelming urge to lean in for a kiss, and he had to tear his gaze away before he actually gave in to it. Him and Virgil were just friends and he wasn't going to risk ruining it for some impulsive feelings. He turned his attention to the sketchbook still on Virgil's lap and he remembered seeing him drawing something in it when he first came in. "So um.. what were you working on?" he asked, nodding towards the notebook curiously.

"Oh! It's nothing really. I was just.. making something for Patton for his anniversary with Logan next month." Virgil flipped the pages open and Roman very pointedly didn't mention seeing glimpses of drawings that looked kind of like him. Even if he was curious. He could always ask about it later. He came to a stop of drawing of Logan and Patton in what appeared to be Hogwarts robes.  He held the notebook out to Roman to take, and he looked away self-consciously.

"Virgil! This is really good!" Roman praised, taking his time admiring the work. He could tell it was still just a rough sketch, but the details were easy to see and he could tell a lot of work was going in to it. The quality already alone was enough to tell that the finished product will be amazing. No wonder Virgil was in the art club.

"It still has a lot of work left to do for it, but it is reassuring to know it's looking okay." Virgil flickered his gaze over to Roman, hesitantly returning the bright smile being directed at him. He could only hold it for a moment before he looked away again.

Roman wasn't offended though, but he felt the need to get some space between them before he did something he'd regret. So he hopped up from the bed and held out a hand in invitation. "It's getting close to lunch time. So how about we order some pizza and put on a movie?" he offered, giving his eyebrows and over-exaggerated wiggle to elicit an amused snort from Virgil. He considered it a victory when he agreed and they made their way downstairs, Lilith following behind with the bell on her collar jingling cheerfully.

And, if Roman had to fight the urge to hold Virgil's hand later while they were watching the movie, well, no one needed to know. These were feelings he was going to have to keep to himself. For now at least, until he could figure out what exactly it was he was feeling. He had an idea, and watching Virgil smile and laugh at the movie, expression carefree, it was becoming very clear to him that he had indeed developed a crush... and he didn't know what to do about that.

[finestfenwick]

“I can’t believe they would’ve promoted some bitch over you. You seem fit, mate.” 

Benjy raises his eye brows and raises his shot in thanks before he downs it. The meeting the day before with O'Donnell and Scamander had gone as well as it could. O’Donnell had sent word to Benjy via a Niffler that had ransacked his cover apartment to meet him at the White Wyvern for drinks. Benjy was in edge at first, worried about running into friends or Merlin forbid, Cassiel Avery, but the Nifflers occupied a booth in the back corner and didn’t seem keen on talking to anyone except the casual working girl.

The ‘bitch’ in question was none other than Amelia Bones. That was one of the reasons behind his cover-he was pissed off that Amelia ranked higher than him.  It was laughable, really-anyone who knew anything about how the Aurory worked knew that Amelia had more than enough seniority to rank above him. It let Benjy know just how foolish the people he was dealing with were-and it was a type of foolishness that made them dangerous.

“I mean, I could’ve shagged my way to the top too but er, the boss is too beardy for my taste.” 

This causes a round of laughter from O’Donnell, Stuart and the man introduced to Benjy as simply ‘Nim’. The name would’ve been laughable save for the fact that the man’s biceps where bigger than Benjy’s thighs and his skin was absolutely littered in tattoos-including a familiar one of a snake eating a skull.

Gaining their trust was proving to be easy. Maybe too easy. Benjy was still being cautious, but it was getting harder and harder with every shot he took. It was scary, in a way, how easily he fit in with men like this. A wrong turn here, a point lower on his auror entrance exam here-this false identity could very easily be Benjy’s reality.

He was suddenly very, very glad he wasn’t.

“Anyhow-” He continues, instantly gaining his party’s full attention again. “-I finally called them on their bullshit after they gave her yet another case she wasn’t nearly smart enough to solve-I sort of knew who’d done it anyhow, I’d considered getting into it with him like I am now with you lot, but he wasn’t any good-”

“Was it Avery?” Stuart cuts in. Benjy has never met someone who better personifies the word ‘Beady’ before. “-that fucker’s scary.”

Benjy nods offhandedly. “Can’t really say, but I’d er-prefer not to get mixed up with him if I could avoid it.”

O’Donnell snorts. “Lookit you, talking all proper and shit still. You might fit in better with Avery with words like that, mate. He thinks he’s too good for us. Too busy shagging that one bitch anyhow-whatshername?”

“Zazzi.” Stuart supplies. Nim nods. 

“Yeah. It’s either that bitch or whoever’ll pay him more.”

Benjy snorts. “You familiar with his rates, then? Intimately so?”

The other two howl with laughter but O’Donnell glares at him.

“Watch yourself.”

Benjy holds up his hands in mock surrender, but makes a mental note. Avery and ‘Zazzi’ are not involved, not heavily at least. That doesn’t really tell him too much-though both of them had rumors of ties to the DE they’d never be as obvious as dear old Nim. All it let Benjy know is that another criminal he was aware of didn’t have ties with this organization-and that was probably better for him, given how his ties to Avery were not all strictly business related. He pushes the memory of Cleona finding the baggie in his medicine cabinet out of his mind.

“I kid, I kid. But yeah, it was a case that I knew I could solve, and they didn’t give it to me because they’re more concerned about looking good. I’d about had it then. I tried to keep it civil at first but pretty soon we were screaming at each other. The pussy they gave me for a partner held me back from hexing the stupid bitch, but fucking Crouch broke it up pretty fast after that. Put me on ‘indefinite leave.’” Benjy scoffs. They’d done it all, just as he’d said, with Amelia wishing him luck again under her breath as Crouch and Moody and Kingsley had dragged him off. They had to make as much of this real as they could.

“Which you know, is just horseshit. They can’t fire me because ‘Ex-Qudditch Hero leaves Auror Force in shame’ doesn’t sound good at the moment, but now-” Benjy raises his glass, which magically filled when he’d finished the last shot.

“They’re gonna regret everything.”

~~ 

Several shots later, Benjy is fuzzy. He hadn’t been this drunk since his birthday-which really, wasn’t so long ago. Absentmindedly, he brushes his hand through his hair to touch the back of the diamond stud in his ear. Her diamond stud.

Cleona.

He ached to think of her-how angry and hurt she must be. It’d been about a week now-she had to know. The octopus in his pocket pressed up against his leg, as if one queue, warms. She knew he was thinking about her, that he was missing her, and it seemed that at least to some level, that sentiment was returned.

I love you. I’m sorry

He’s so engrossed in thinking-thinking properly if that were even a thing when it came to whatever it was that his girlfriend could do, that he doesn’t realize he was being spoken to until Nim slaps his knee. Hard.

“Sorry?”

“You like what you see?” O’Donnell leers, nodding his head towards one of the sex workers lingering nearby. She had dyed red hair that slightly resembled that of Lily, the new receptionist in the office and for one wild second, Benjy thought it might be her-as if Crouch or Moody would put a civilian undercover just to get him a message. But closer inspection reveals this woman is a little older-and harder. More than likely she’d seen some shit. 

“She’s fit, yeah.” Benjy says non nonchalantly, sipping on the beer he’d barely touched all night. 

“You want her? You’ve got her.”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. Normally-well not normally, before Cleona, he wouldn’t have thought twice about something like this, anything to maintain the cover. Benjy realizes right then that he never should’ve been allowed to go undercover. He had a weakness now, and her name was tattooed on his fucking hip. 

“Nah, mate, thanks. But uh-I can’t afford her.” O’Donnell just waves his hand dismissively.

“Think of it was a welcome present. Me and the lads got other business to attend to anyway. I like your style, Fenwick. You’ll be hearing from me shortly.” He winks at Benjy before shouting across the bar.

“Beatrix! Commere.” 

She pulls herself away from the group and bounds over. She would’ve been his type a few years ago, even with the edge her profession had given her-but Benjy didn’t have a type so much as a person now, and the thought of betraying her-He can feel his heart beat pick up in his chest.

“Can I help you, love?” She purrs, eyeing all of them with false interest. Her green eyes sweep the four of them. O’Donnell hands her a little bag of gold.

“This is Benjy. Get to know him, on me.” 

As the other three get up to leave, Beatrix grabs Benjy’s wrist and pulls him out of the booth.

“You ready to have fun, love?”

“Um-”

Her lips are on his before Benjy can stop her, and instinctively he kisses her back, following her lead out into the alley, the kisses getting sloppier and sloppier as they stumble out the door. It’s far too wet and Benjy’s pretty sure she licks his cheek at one point. Not exactly a turn on-not that he wanted one anyway.

“Well, he paid for the works so-”

Beatrix is on her knees now, and Benjy stiffens when her hands find his zipper. She looks up at him, confused, groping his barely there erection through the jeans under his robes.

“What’s the matter? Need a little help?”

“Uh, no, not quite-”

Benjy tries to smile, but now Beatrix is getting handsy. He leaps back away from her as if she had shocked him. This has to stop.

“What the hell? What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m gay.”

It slips out before he can stop himself and Beatrix cocks her head to the side to look up at him. 

“Really?”

“...yeah. But I-I’d apperciate it if you know, you didn’t uhm, make it known to O’Donnell-”

She brushes him off, gesturing with her hands to help her up. Benjy does, making sure she’s steady on her high heels before letting go.

“I already got paid-more than I was expecting tonight at that-I’m going home to the bath, who or what you do or don’t do is your business, love.”

She pats him once on the cheek.

“Too bad though-we could’ve had some fun.”

Beatrix gives him a smile before turning to disappear on the spot. Benjy all but collapses against the building. The familiar loathing creeps up, as it often does when he doesn’t do something the way he’s supposed to, but the relief, the knowledge that he didn’t do anything undo-able, is far greater. A quick glance around the alley reveals him to be alone and Benjy decides to risk it. He pulls the Octopus-Hugo-out of his pocket and smiles at it softly. He wants to cry but he can’t let himself get there-he can’t miss her too much, or he’d be utterly useless. 

Benjy runs a finger down the back of the creature, and he’s so enraptured by the warmth he receives back a few seconds later that he fails to notice Nim, lurking near the entry to the bar, watching him carefully.

[warriorsquest]

A Friend In Need by @GuardedHaley and @Corruptsoulless

Blay: *I knew Vishous and Cop’s relationship was complicated, to say the least, I knew somewhere that Vishous was also involved with a female and had been for some time. I just didn’t know how serious it was or had the pleasure of meeting her. I just knew being mated to Vishous and allowing him to still have a relationship with Butch and vice versa, yeah, she would have to be pretty special. I knew she was here now, moved in under the orders from V and it was hard not to know about all that was going on around her because the mansion was buzzing with it and the fact that the female needed to feed and V refusing to let her. No one could accuse Vishous for being rational at all times that was for sure. I chuckled, shaking my head, V usually kept to himself but when he felt strongly about something you’d know about it. In passing the dining room heading for the gym I could hear an unfamiliar voice talking and my curiosity peaked. Maybe that was her. I had to look… I had to know what she looked like at least, the female that wrapped V ten ways to Sunday around her pinky.*

Haley:   *Katerina got up and picked up a can of soda, her delicate frame moving with an elegant sway as she left the dining room.  It was the first time I met her and she came across as a pleasant person.  Like me, she had just moved into the mansion recently and it was nice having someone to talk to who didn’t know the history between V and myself.  I felt everyone else was judging me on some level and I couldn’t blame them.  We had a colorful history and the rollercoaster ride wasn’t over.  It was a never-ending story and I had no idea how to fix anything.  I had no magic wand to wave around and V was still avoiding me.  I had hoped he would change his mind once I moved in.  That was the impression I got when I spoke to Butch, but V wasn’t interested in seeing me.  I started asking around the mansion to try and find out if there was anyone I could feed from.  I hadn’t asked Butch about it, but there were rumors that V refused to see or feed me.  I knew those rumors grew a tail.  Yes, he refused to see me, but I knew he would offer me his vein if he knew I needed to feed, which was why I was careful about who I asked.  If V wanted to avoid me, I wasn’t going to force him back to me with the feeding card.  I wanted him to come and see me because he wanted to, not out of obligation.  A redheaded male peeked into the door.  It was another face I hadn’t seen before and I smiled as he walked in*  Hey, I’m Haley.  I don’t think we’ve met before.

Blay: *Sticking my head around the corner, my curiosity getting the best of me, and what I meet is Kat chatting away a mile a minute and this dark haired lovely female standing there calmly smiling and nodding at something that Kat was telling her. It didn’t take the female, who I assumed to be Haley to sniff me out and turn to face me. It was easy to see that she wasn’t one of those who was easily frightened by the unfamiliar because she soon after noticing me moved towards me holding her hand out to introduce herself. A smile blossomed on my face as I stepped deeper into the room grasping her much smaller hand in mine shaking it. “Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Haley. I’m Blay.” I lifted my gaze to look over to Kat winking at her, “How’s my favorite Kat doing today?” She just smiled sticking her tongue out at me plopping a couple grapes in her mouth. Turning my attention back to Haley, “How are you enjoying the mansion so far? Has anyone given you the grand tour? You have all you need?” I wonder why V wasn’t here to be with his female, as lovely as she was, but hey wasn’t I the first one to be able to relate to the non-committable kind of males. At least I knew we had something in common.*

Haley:   *In the moments that followed, I watched the casual interaction between Kat and the red headed male.  They came across as old friends and the sweet, teasing, nature between them was very charming to watch.  When the male introduced himself, I instantly recalled a memory where I heard Butch and V talk about him.  He wasn’t living in the mansion back when I stayed here for a short while.  I remembered them saying something about Qhuinn being the cause that Blay left.  I didn’t know more than that, but I knew that Qhuinn and myself had a history. There was a time I was sure V wanted him more than he wanted me, and in the end, I gave up on everything and Qhuinn was the one who saved me from doing the unthinkable.  I had no ill feelings toward Qhuinn.  A part of me actually really liked him, but I was curious as to what transpired between him and Blay.  Maybe someday I would ask, but for now, I would pretend not to know anything.  A smile lifted the corners of my mouth as Kat waved and left.  Turning my full attention to Blay, I smiled and replied softly*  It’s very nice to meet you, Blay.  I’ve lived here before, but I’m sure I still don’t know where everything is.  Why haven’t I met you before?  Have you lived here long?

Blay: *I waved to Kat as she left, calling after her “we need another pizza and movie night soon, rugrat.” All I got in response was her twirling around giving me a funny face and she was off. I couldn’t get over how lovely she was, Haley, I’d been enough females over the years, together with Qhuinn to appreciate their soft beauty even if I never been physically attracted to them as I was males. I was gay, no confusion there at all. “I don’t know why we haven’t met, I never remember you staying here before; maybe it was while I was away. I moved out for a while.” Well didn’t that bring back a shit load of no fun memories? I wasn’t particularly interested in walking down memory lane and relive anything in regards of my fucked up relationship with Qhuinn. “Well, it’s nice out, not to chilly, if you just want to stroll around the garden? It would allow us both to keep asking nosy questions about each other.” I say with a wide smile hoping she get my dry sense of humor.*

Haley:  A walk in the gardens?  That sounds delightful. *I winked and grabbed a can of soda*  Do you want one?  *when Blay shook his head, I shrugged and walked out of the dining room.  If he got thirsty, he could always have some of mine.  His light, easy manner relaxed me and it felt like we’d known each other for years.  He was very different than any of the other males I’d met here.  We walked through the foyer and the vestibule and once we were outside, I smiled and stopped*  You choose which direction and I’ll follow.  As for the questions… *I looked at my watch*  The sun will be up in two hours, and that’s not nearly enough time for all my questions to be answered.  *Giggling softly, I followed as we walked down the nearest cobblestone path*.

Blay: *I chuckle softly when she starts to giggle, it was hard not too, she was as teasing and relaxed as I felt and when thinking about it, it was an overall good feeling I hadn’t felt since, well since my last impromptu night with Vince. My heart skipped a beat when thinking about him and I allowed it to flutter wildly for a moment before returning my focus to Haley. “Ha, what have you heard that has your mind filled with so many questions that you need to risk getting fried by the oh so deadly sun?” I knew about V and Qhuinn, thanks to Butch, I remember him telling me about it some months ago and the saddest part at that point had been it hadn’t mattered. “And as for it not being enough time, I guess we just have to meet up for more strolls then.” I smile nudging her shoulder with my arm. “Have Vishous been to see you yet?” I ask carefully not knowing how interested she was talking to me about her relationship with him.*

Haley:   *Neatly pruned trees and an array of colorful flowers line the path we walked, and more trees and flowers spread as far as the eye could see.  Each garden bed neatly cared for, and each tree sculpted to perfection. It was a splendid idea to be out here when back inside the mansion I felt like everything was weighing on me.  Out here everything felt lighter, or maybe it had to do with the company.  Blay was easy to talk to, or at least it felt that way.  Dark blue eyes lifted and a smile warmed my face.*  I’ve heard a few things, but you can’t always believe everything you hear.  I always prefer to get the information straight from the horse’s mouth.  *I reached out and picked a white daisy. Twirling it between my fingers as we walked.*   V hasn’t seen me since I’ve moved in.  He hasn’t seen me in a very long time.  Our relationship is complicated, to say the least and I don’t want to pressure him.  *I sighed and stopped*  What’s with you and Qhuinn?  Is he the reason you left before?

Blay: *Somehow, even though I had already figured that she ask me about Qhuinn, the question startled me and I jerked a little at the mention of his name. I stayed away from Qhuinn as much as I could. It was awkward at best when we met and that damn trainee he was hooking up with was about as much fun to deal with as a sore thumb so I didn’t. Not that I wanted to anyway, but still. “I’m sorry to hear about Vishous staying away. Could we call it a tie on which male in this compound that is the most complex and hard-headed?” I joked giving her a wide smile before taking another moment to answer her other question. “Yes, he was, like you said our relationship or should I say lack thereof was never easy, it never worked, it was doomed from the get-go and him getting together with Layla and having the twins was just the drop. I left, he stayed, I came back, shit happened and we both moved on.” I shrugged.*

Haley:  *A shiver ran down my spine as Blay spoke.  I could swear I felt his pain, and I felt the strain he was under trying to pretend it didn’t matter.  I knew that feeling all too well cause I lived it every day.  I died a little inside with each day that passed without Vishous making an attempt to reach out.  I was at the point of giving up again, but this time I wasn’t giving up on life.  Just giving up on him.  It wasn’t healthy to live this way, but the heart didn’t know that and I loved him no matter what.  But even love wasn’t always enough.  I nodded *You’re right, we will agree not to compare.  I am sorry it didn’t work out between you and Qhuinn.  *I wanted to add in that he would find someone, but that wouldn’t make a difference.  If anyone told me I would find someone, I’d probably be tempted to punch them.  It was never about being with someone, it was about the person.  Someone else could give you what you needed, but one’s heart was always with the one you loved the most.  Vishous was that person for me, and from the sound of Blay’s voice, Qhuinn was that person to him.  I picked another flower and continued to walk*  It’s difficult with Vishous not talking to me.  I have so much I want to discuss with him and I need to fee….  Ermm, I have to see him, but I’m not keen on opening a door that should not be opened.  *I almost said I need to feed, but stopped myself before finishing the sentence.  I had only just met this male and telling him I needed to feed would be highly inappropriate, even if I did feel very comfortable with him*.

Blay: *For a moment we walked in silence, she was in her head I was stuck in mine. I wonder what Vince was up too, was he still interested, would he be interested in a visitor… would he be interested in getting involved with a forever damaged male? “It’s ok. It’s better this way. He’s happy now, I think and so am I. You know sometimes we just keep trucking down the same old road for too long even when we know it’s the wrong way because we went so far and turning around means we have to make up twice as much.” A sudden dark hungry look passed through her eyes but it was so sudden and brief I only got to open my mouth and then close it again. That was weird. “You sure you are ok? I promise to never tell anyone about our conversation if that’s what you need.” I could be a good friend and I’d keep her secret if I had too.*

Haley:  *My throat burned and I swallowed hard.  I wanted to go see someone for some painkillers or something that would ease the burn, but from what I knew that would be Jane and I wasn’t ready to face Vishous’ ex.  Closing my eyes, I shook my head and stopped walking again*  I haven’t fed for so long and at times the hunger gets to me.  I’m sorry, it will pass in a few minutes.  *I held up the soda and smiled*  This usually helps to ease the burn for a few moments.  *I opened the can and took a long sip.  Moaning softly as the liquid soothed my throat*.

Blay: “What?! How long is long?” at first I was sort of shocked at what she said then I got mad because it didn’t take a genius to understand why she hadn’t fed. Well wasn’t it typical that one of the pompous males of the mansion to demand the unreasonable when they were the most unreasonable? Geez! I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself. I was having a hissy fit that wasn’t mine to have in my own head. “Has Vishous actually told you can’t feed from anyone else? Because if he has I want to know so I can go find his ass and kick it black and blue.” My eyes didn’t stray from her face as I watched her drink her soda. A soda to help for the burn of being hungry, needing to feed, even I had that fixed for me by using one of the chosen. It was unfair that Haley had to be so uncomfortable and maybe even in pain because Vishous was a selfish prick.*

Haley:   *I shook my head quickly and raised my hand to wave off the urgency of the situation.  I didn’t want to cause any upset because of me.  I took another sip before replying*  No, I haven’t told Vishous because I haven’t spoken to him.  I don’t know who to talk to about it and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.  I‘ll be okay.  Kat said I should go see the medical staff.  She said they would be able to help or arrange something, but I haven’t…  I’ll go next week or…  some time.  *I didn’t want to tell Blay the real reason why I didn’t want to go to the medical rooms.  It would look childish to someone else.  I added*  I am sure Vishous would see to my feeding if he was informed, but I don’t want to burden him with this. *Okay, that was a lie.  I wasn’t sure he would even care, but I didn’t want animosity between the males.*

Blay: *For the longest time we just stood there looking at each other. I knew what she was doing, she knew I knew what she was doing, what we all did to survive, to lessen pain, to move on, to find something somewhere to make sense of the chaos we called life. I knew she didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, didn’t I always think and feel the same about me. Ever since the Omega touched me and altered me I felt like an abomination like I wasn’t right, and that I was a sorrowful excuse for existence. Then an idea occurred to me out of the blue something that could help Haley but no one had to know about and if by some fat chance they found out one no one would feel threatened because duuuh gay male walking, and two V might be fierce and he might even have decades on me but if he was fool enough to think I couldn’t defend myself then he’d be surprised. Taking her hand in mine, I smiled. “Come on. I have an idea. Let me show you the perfect spot to watch the stars.” I started to tug her along, “Trust me.”*

Haley:  *Blay’s reply and request surprised me.  He wanted us to stargaze?  I was not expecting that, but I was relieved that he didn’t push the subject.  I smiled and placed my hand in his.  He was very sweet to try and take my attention off of my hunger.  I liked him more with every second I spent with him.  I had a feeling we would become really good friends.  My throat started burning again much sooner than it had before and I took another sip of the soda, which was almost finished.  I wanted to stargaze with Blay, but I needed another soda, or I’d be horrible company.*  Blay, do you mind if I go get another soda quickly.  This one is almost finished.  *I didn’t have to add why I needed another one.*  

Blay: *I knew why she wanted her soda and I understood the anxiety now in her eyes. But what I had in mind would ease her a lot more than any soda could. “I know you are in pain but please trust me. What I have in mind will be better than any soda could ever be.” I started to laugh as she looked at me with her head tilted to the side, and silently telling me are you a little bit nuts. “Haley, we are going to lay down at my favorite spot in the garden and watch the stars.” I pointed to the garden alcove with the overly large deck chairs that could fit two people easily, at least a huge male and one tiny female. “We lay down in one of those, watch the stars and you’ll feed from my wrist. No one has to know unless you want them too.” The shocked look she gave me said more than a thousand words.*

Haley:   *What? Huh?  Was I hearing him correctly?  Maybe I’ve had too much soda.  Maybe…. No, I heard him just fine. I stood still for a few seconds, my mouth half hanging open like a fish.  My mind was trying to sift through his words and my fangs elongated without me even being aware of it.  When I tried to reply, I sucked in a breath and covered my mouth with my hand.  My fangs were on board, but this was too much to expect of him.  He is a male of worth for offering, but it would be too much for me to take.  Another few seconds of blank stares followed and Blay gently led me to the alcove and laid us down without hesitation.  My throat was on fire and it was really hard to swallow now.  He urged me to take him up on his offer and brought his wrist to my mouth and that was it.  I could not resist even if I tried.  My hunger was finally being sated.  #AFriendInNeed with @CorruptSoulless  #SASBDB