#i picked up miss cristina from a friend and like...

[barnbridges]

i grew up reading the romanian fantastic and the thing that makes interview with the vampire FUN to read in spite of anne being racist and xenophobic is the mythology and the way it suspends belief enough to where the books can be cohesively be seen as fantastical and narrative, as opposed to commentary on the real world. which is also why rolin jones should literally NOT tackle random shit he knows nothing about.

[lingeringscars]

I should make a separate post just for alex but little things about Derek's death, Meredith leaving, and how it impacts the people left behind.

Maggie feeling abandoned for the first time in her life. Derek made Maggie feel welcome when no one else did. She was struggling to find her footing, her place, missing her family, and reeling from the one she found. But Derek hugged her and invited her over and made her feel like she could have friends or a place here, too. That she wouldn't have to just be the lonely, friendless person in a new place without even her family to rely on.

And despite how they started, Meredith really did become a sister to her. They hung out. They talked to each other. They understood each other. Maggie sent her some when she was worried about Derek because she knew how Meredith's mind worked because it was how hers does. Then Meredith left without telling her, without checking in, and she feels abandoned.

From the moment the news broke, amelia focused on work. She's been here before. She knows what this is like. She knew there would come a time when this could happen. So she bottles it up, lives at the hospital, and does her job. But it's amelia so nothing is ever bottled up. She makes jokes that make people uncomfortable about her dead brother. She's aware that she told Meredith that she didn't understand what it was like to lose the love of her life, but she doesn't care about that. Meredith pulled the plug without calling her, and she will never forgive her for that. She will never forgive Meredith for taking all of this away from her, no matter how unfair it is to hold against her. She finally felt like they were in a good place, and in one move, she stopped trusting mer.

She can't handle this pain, but she's been through it before. She feels it every day. So even though she also feels abandoned, she can keep moving. But she can't go back to that house where Meredith and Derek are both absent (and Owen is present). She can't deal with the looks given to her because her brother died. Every man she has ever loved has died, and she's had to face all of that grief and pain and hurt in a couple months (jackson and aprils baby dying reminding her of her baby, everyone finding out about her boyfriend who died with her in bed with him, telling Meredith about that moment because she lives in that grief and doesn't get to be judged for trying to figure it out, and then Derek dying and leaving her without this person that always protected her even when she didn't want it but now she would kill to have one more day of him undermining her).

And then there is alex. Alex who...wasn't close with Derek so much as he was another colleague. But alex is close with Meredith, and he feels that pain for her. He and izzie got married, and Meredith earlier that year told him that it didn't count because of the circumstances, and he knows what it is for someone you love to die in your arms.

He's been there, and he is there. He watches mer collapse and thinks this is the end. He's going to lose her, too. Because that's all he knows in this life. He's been abandoned more times that he can count, but he does have a count. So Derek dies and he's the only one not trying to talk in that moment. His eyes are locked on Meredith.

And then Meredith leaves. Meredith abandons him. Meredith vanishes without a trace and refuses to pick up the damn phone. But Meredith is his person, too, and that rocks him. Izzie vanished and didn't say anything until he was given divorce papers. He's worried it'll be worse when Meredith resurfaces. She's gone, and she was there after izzie so she knows what this would do to him.

He's calling everyone. Cristina. Meredith's dad. Hospitals around Boston and other areas. He's searching and searching. He keeps calling her, and she doesn't respond. And he's basically going through the motions, but only physically. He isn't being an ass to anyone, he's just there. He's doing his job, but he's not talking.

[desireegalvante]

Script

Contact Information

Desiree L. Galvante

Purok 4, 090 Lapaz

Magalang Pampanga

+63948341142

desireegalvante9@gmail.com

A girl behind the

mirror

Cast of Characters

Michaella (a.k.a mochii): Michaella is the lead character of the story, she is fat that's why she always called mochii, because of her physical appearance she does not socialize with other people

Cristina (girl behind the mirror): Cristina is the woman imprisoned in the mirror she will not stop until she gets what she wants

Celine, Jane, and Anna: They will bully mochii, and they will also be mochii's friend

Note: For the better understanding (*) this sign is the cue for the character of the story, () and for this sign it is the part of imagery and figure of speech that blends throughout in this story

Time

The present

Synopsis

In the house, mochii, an antisocial girl, and being bullied she talks in the mirror. Mochii is terrified and anxious, to release the soul of the girl behind the mirror. Mochii panics and finds a way to get the girl out. The girl is released, and Mochii relaxes. And that time Mochii became friends Celine, Jane and Ana

Setting

Classroom, backyard and house

In a classroom where celine, jane and ana starts bully mochii

Celine

Ohh look there she is

Jane

Psstt.. psstt.. piggy 'oink' 'oink' (Auditory)

Ana

HAHAHAHAHA.. come here oink' (*shock) oww mochii

Celine

I smell something fishy pungent on you mochii (Olfactory)

Jane and Ana

Oww really.. look at your skin is something like a rough of carpet (tactile) iwww

At this time mochii ignore them and suddenly go out and went to their house

(*Crying)

At this point mochii went to their yard where the mirror is place on the side of cabinet and cristina was there

Michaella

Why is it dark here (visual), and it's so cold (thermal) it's not like this before..

Michaella talk his self and crying about his appearance, he poured out all his anger and until he stepped on a white curtain and opened it with his eyes wide open and she was amazed. He saw the beautiful mirror just piled up in their yard, and he picked it up and brought it to his room. He talked to himself while facing the mirror

Michaella

The beauty was a mirror in our yard, revealing a reflection of splendor we never knew. (Metonymy)

I wish I had a sexy fitness, I wish I could never bully me

In a day after Michaella does not enter his classes, until celine jane and ana went Michaella's house and they went secretly to michaella's room, and michaella was surprised because they were there to disturb her..

Michaella

Why you're all here

Jane and Ana

Because we missed you so much, the stars rearranged into your name mochii and the sun decided to take an extra lap around the Earth just to extend your absence mochii! (Hyperbole)

(*Laugh)

Celine

Why didn't you enter our class

Michaella

I don't want to see you all! (*Shouting and angry)

Ana

Ohh stop didn't you here.. who's something whisper (onomatopoeia)

The mirror suddenly make a hole and cristina appear. Celine, Jane Ana and Michaella was afraid and shock

Jane

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the silver (personification)

Ana

Aww I'm afraid, we should leave now!

Cristina

Don't ever leave.. Please help me get out of here I just want you all to help me I'm prison here. I will not stop to disturb you all

Michaella

What were gonna doo.. the girl behind the mirror was screaming we have should something.. what where gonna do.. ok all hands on deck (Synecdoche)

Celine, Jane and Ana

Yeahh

Michaella made a way she's afraid, anxious and terrified because for Cristina to get out.. they didn't fight and they worked as a team to help her get out.

Celine

Wow you're so beautiful as bright as a diamond sparkling in the sunlight (simile)

At this moment cristina told that never bully someone else

Cristina

Don't bully, I being watched (euphemism)

Celine

Sorry michaella I don't wanna bully you.. so let's be friends?

Michella

Friends

(*Smile)

In this time michaella became friends Celine Jane and Ana and celebrate

Jane

Lets eat jumbo shirmp (oxymoron)

Ana

Ahhww delicious pizza (gustatory)

Michaella

The water is a little bit wet (understatement)

(*Laughing)

Celine

There is weight loss program that leads to weight gain (Irony)

And they were all friends and cristina watching them for the better situation of all.

[secretsofblackthornhall]

Emma to Cristina

Dear Cristina!

Sorry to startle you, I just wrote “Dear Cristina” with the comma first and it seemed a little down. Thought I would try to spice it up a little. And I want to hear from you because I miss you and it’s highly annoying that you couldn’t be in New York. 

Why did Nene have to pick this exact time to visit you guys? Is it because she has faerie intuition and carefully decided to keep us apart? I mean, no, probably not, she seems like a pretty good person. But still! Show up a week later, Nene! Also disappointed to hear that she didn’t spill anything about what the heck is up in the Seelie Court. I guess if she had given up the court’s secrets to Kieran — who is, technically, the King of the Unseelie Court — the Seelie Queen would consider that “bad” and Nene to be a “traitor,” but that’s nothing compared to how much we want to know what’s up.

Anyway. We’re back from New York, where the weather was much worse than in London, but whatever. We’d sent that picture of the candlesticks from the church to Alec, and he showed them to his mom, who recognized them. She said Robert had brought them along with a bunch of other inherited Lightwood stuff when they left Idris for NYC, and she had no idea what had happened to them since, but they were probably in the NY Institute somewhere. Well, we’ve got the Ghost Sensor, so we said goodbye to Rupert and headed over. (Julian wondered whether Rupert misses us when we’re gone, but it’s hard to tell if ghosts can tell the passage of time. In any case we didn’t find sad faces drawn in the dust when we came back, or anything like that.)

So we saw Jace and Clary, of course, and Alec came to help. I think he was really curious since it’s his family’s stuff. (We were hoping to see Simon and Isabelle but they were off recruiting for Shadowhunter Academy. And Magnus stayed home with the kids. He texted us a video from their apartment where he asked Max and Rafe, “Are we going to help our friends?” and they both shouted, “No!” It was cute. I mean, Max and Rafe were cute. Magnus was maybe milking it a little.)

Finding the candlesticks was…pretty easy, actually, kind of anticlimactic. They were hiding in plain sight in the church’s nave among all the other candlesticks and candelabras and other candle-related things. And the Sensor led us right to them. So maybe they weren’t removed in the Blitz but instead the Lightwoods took them back? Or maybe they were removed and then brought back and sometime after that Robert’s parents took them out of the church? We’ll probably never know, but it also probably doesn’t matter since, whatever, we have them, mystery solved.

In celebration we ordered a pizza and ate it by the light of the candlesticks. New York pizza! It is the best. It hurts to say that a little, as an LA girl, but the truth is the truth. I’d missed it so. Pizza in London is…well, best not to speak of it.

So while we were eating Jace asked Alec if there was any news from Idris, and Julian and I kind of looked at each other because there’s never news from Idris, the Cohort have all shut themselves in there and refuse to come out or let anyone in, you know the deal.

Alec revealed that they had been working on some new variation on fire-messages that would be able to get through the wards around Idris. Mostly using Clary’s power to invent new runes. They’ve been sending them for a while, trying different things, but hadn’t gotten any responses until very recently when they heard from one of my least favorite people, Manuel.

So Alec and Manuel have apparently been sending messages back and forth. Zara refuses to respond and Manuel implied that she didn’t like that he and Alec were talking. Alec thinks he might be lying and Zara might not even know. But Alec also thinks Manuel is tired of being stuck there and might be their way in, since (as we all know) Manuel cares about Manuel above everything else, certainly way more than he cares about the Cohort’s supposed mission. Like Jace said, Zara is a true believer, but Manuel is just an opportunist.

This was all super-interesting, of course, but Julian and I started to feel bad remembering that Alec is, you know, the Consul. Julian said he knew Alec had important Consul stuff to do and it was great that he had come to help find the candlesticks anyway. And then Alec said a really nice thing! He said that their New York crew had always had to work in secret, that they’d always thought of the Clave as the enemy. Well, maybe not the enemy, but not their ally. The Clave they grew up with, you know, locked Jace in the Silent City and refused to believe that Valentine was returning. They would never have thought of going to them for help. So Alec said it was really important to him as Consul to actually be there for the Shadowhunters, to be someone they could know and talk to and bring problems to, rather than hiding. And I guess we did know Alec personally before, and they are his family’s candlesticks, but still, it was nice that he thought of it as part of his Consul duties to help us out, rather than thinking of it as something taking time away from his Real Work. He said this was his Real Work, and we’d better not stop coming to him and Magnus for help.

So then after a while Clary announced that she and I needed to have some girl talk and whisked me off to Taki’s for coffee. Julian she left with Jace and Alec. When last I saw him Jace was guiding him towards the weapons room to take a look at the collection of 17th-century Spanish military swords he’d recently found in one of the church weapons caches somewhere in New York. Julian watched me leave like a puppy being taken to the vet for shots, but I think he had a good time. So he says, anyway.

Clary and I settled into a booth at Taki’s. She wanted to ask me how I was doing, and I started telling her, but she seemed distracted, and I realized that maybe she needed to talk to me about how she was doing. Which turned out to be true. She’s worried because Alec likes to believe the best of people, and he’s really optimistic about the progress they’ve made getting in touch with Manuel, but Clary thinks Zara is a manipulative psycho. On which topic we agree.

“You think it’s a trick?” I said. “Or a trap?”

She said she didn’t know. But then she kind of argued with herself and said she understood how important it was to open up Idris, that she knew the Clave couldn’t survive forever split in two like this.

I said it seemed like it was really weighing heavily on them, and she kind of sighed and gave me the big news, or rather the lack of big news, which is that she and Jace have decided they don’t want to get married until the Clave is reunited. And Simon and Isabelle feel the same way.

“It’s not like there’s any reason to rush,” she said. She was looking out the window as she said it, though, and she sounded kind of sad. “But we don’t want a wedding where all anyone is thinking about is how Idris is off-limits and the Clave is broken.”

She kept looking out the window, so I asked if she saw someone out there, and she kind of looked guilty and turned back to me. “Oh, no, I thought I saw Jace for a minute, but it wasn’t him.”

Finally we got around to how I’m doing and I got to tell her the thing I’m worried about, which you and I have talked about a little. Which is that Julian and I are fixing up this house and I guess…we’re going to move here? Like, move to London. And out of Los Angeles for good. And I haven’t really gotten to think about what that would be like. I was thinking of it as a kind of temporary thing where we would fix up the house and then go home. And it’s easy to feel that way because of all the stuff going on with the Clave.

But for Julian, this will be our new home. And I can’t blame him for wanting that. I mean, for one thing, he’s a Blackthorn and it’s Blackthorn Hall. But we grew up in Los Angeles. I’m an LA girl, all my memories of my parents are of them in Los Angeles. But then we both do have many hard memories from the LA Institute, and it would be nice to put them behind us and get a fresh start. I don’t know. Do you ever find it strange, that you live in New York now? And Faerie? Do you miss the D.F.?

Maybe it’s Idris being out of reach that makes it feel so strange. I grew up always knowing that however spread out the Shadowhunters might be we all had a home together in Idris. It held the Clave together all over the world. But what if Idris is really gone for us, Cristina?

What if it’s gone forever?

Xoxox

Emma

[unprofessional-bard]

A Small Surprise

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Request: Could you write a fluffy Ezio (Assassin's Creed) x Wife! Reader oneshot, where Reader finds out that she is pregnant and she surprised with Ezio by giving a knitted pair of baby booties?

Pairing: Ezio Auditore x Female!Reader

Warnings: Just fluff.

Summary: I think the request itself is pretty self explanatory 😅

Word Count: 1.365

Author's Note: Okay so I know many of you would've preferred if I wrote words like 'sweetheart' or 'my love' in Italian, but unfortunately I don't speak Italian. I mean, I speak French to some level and it could be about the same thing when it comes to masc./femininity of the words, but I don't want to confuse anyone! So I just put in an Animus text in there :")))

Enjoy!

{ File Translated From Italian }

Cool breeze, warm weather and a full moon rising over the green and yellowing fields of Florence; simple yet important things Ezio thought he'd never see again on many occasions throughout his journeys from Italia to Anatolia and back. Although the city bared bad memories for the assassin, he also had the most important and precious ones there: His whole childhood, for starters, the foundations of his family and friends...

And now, something much more.

"(Y/N)?"

No reply, you were probably asleep. He closed the door and grabbed the candle which was slowly melting down on the small table right next to the entrance, which you must've lit for him. He'd been in the city for the day, handling groceries and paying a visit to Claudia while you stayed home and did chores. Only away for hours, still in the same city, yet he had missed you like crazy. Plus, there was also the voice in the back of his head, worrying him and telling him something bad must've happened to you. After his life as an assassin and making a lot of enemies, even though they were no more, he instinctively worried.

He quietly made his way up to the second floor where your shared room was and saw lights coming from the small gap under the door. He quietly knocked on the door and entered, only to find you laying on the bed with a book in your hand.

"Ezio," You smiled and immediately put the book aside. He sighed in relief and a warm smile stretched across his lips. He walked over to you, after placing his candle on the table on his side, and placed a kiss on your forehead, before sitting down beside you and giving you a quick peck on the lips.

"I missed you," He took your hand in his and kissed the back of it, then your knuckles. His lips were soft on your skin: "I missed you a lot, my sweet."

"Me too," You smiled lazily at him. "Go, get undressed and come back to bed."

"As you wish, princess," Ezio gave you a cocky grin and got off the bed.

"Princess?" You chuckled. "I think I'm a little old for that now, love."

"What can I say?" He spoke, his voice deep. "Anything to please my queen."

You chuckled, then watched him disappear into another room connected to your bedroom and took it as the perfect opportunity to pull out the little surprise you'd been working on the whole day from under your bed. You pushed yourself down until you were laying on your back and placed the small boots on your belly. Right before he walked back in, you closed the blanket over your body until it reached your armpits and, without realising, held your breath.

"How was your day?" You heard him ask you once he walked in, he was now wearing his white shirt and pants only.

"Oh, it was good, you know," You replied nonchalantly, a big, nervous smiled on your face. "I was working on something and now it's finished."

"Hm?" He hummed curiously, then climbed into bed. "Can I see it?"

"Sure," Your voice wavered in excitement. "It's actually for you- partly. Think of it as a surprise... Lift the blanket."

A mischievous smirk stretched across Ezio's face: "Oh, well, is that why you're hiding behind the covers?"

You nodded and beamed at him. He could tell you were acting a little strange, but he assumed it was because of this surprise you had for him. Thinking of it as undergarments, Ezio leaned in to place a kiss on your lips; a soft one, which made your toes curl. Despite his age, Ezio still had the energy and enthusiasm to give you the pleasure of your life- small remnants from his youth.

"Open it," You gestured the blanket after reluctantly pulling back from his lips, biting your own as you grinned at him.

He gave you an intrigued look - he was partly on top of you, so despite his head looking right down at you, his body was pressed to your side. He then slowly removed the blankets, your eyes never leaving his face. Finally, as soon as he saw the items resting on your belly, his mischievous expression turned into an utterly shocked one. You heard a hushed gasp leave his lips and saw his brown eyes widen. Ezio let go of the breath he was holding, then gulped, sitting up as he picked up the boots: "(Y/N)..."

"Surprise..." You said, voice barely above a whisper.

He quietly studied the boots in his palms, he was shocked as if he was seeing the temple goddess -this vision or whatever it was- for the first time many years ago. He finally looked into your eyes, then gently -oh, so gently- placed a hand on your belly. He was holding his breath.

He noticed he had to make sure you knew he was absolutely thrilled and excited about the news, for your face grew worried. Before you could say anything, he leaned in for another kiss- a passionate, slow, lovely kiss that made you melt.

"How long- I mean-" Ezio tried to ask after pulling back, roses blossoming on his cheeks.

"I'm not quite sure," You confessed, relaxing at his positive reaction. "Haven't been to the midwife yet."

"We can go-? Tomorrow, how about tomorrow, hm?" He grinned unintentionally as he rubbed your belly.

"Sure, okay," You nodded and chuckled at his softened behaviour. "You're happy, right?"

"Happy?" Ezio gave you an incredulous look, his eyes glowing. Was he about to cry? "You're a true jester, my love."

You giggled and lightly slapped his shoulder as he lowered himself to lay his head on your abdomen: "You could be severely punished to degrade a queen, you know." He let out another brief laugh, then a content sigh as he hugged your frame, while you placed your fingers through his hair and started to caress it slowly: "Everything's going to be better. Better than they already were."

"Yes," He agreed. His body heat caused you to remove the blanket to the empty spot beside you. He then got up, extinguished the candles on both his and your side, then went back to lay on your belly: "Are you comfortable, like this?"

"Yes," You hummed and closed your eyes with a small smile on your lips. He laid still as you combed strands of his graying hair away from his face in a calming manner. "I love you, Ezio."

"I love you too, my sweet." He lifted your night gown until the soft skin below his face got revealed, then placed a kiss on the spot right next to your bellybutton.

Ezio was the best thing that had happened to you. You'd been friends ever since you were small children, you always had a silly little crush on him but ever since he saw Cristina, you had decided it was not worth the try- he seemed so in love... After his father and brothers were killed and he fled to Monteriggioni, you and your family were harassed for protecting and being friends with them, but you never gave him up and, when he came back, he helped all of you escape to his uncle's commune.

Interesting, how fate worked. He was gone for so long, oftentimes you thought about not being able to see him again - you didn't care if he was your lover or not at one point, you just wanted to see him alive and well. After everything that you both went through, everything he did; all the places he'd visited and the women he'd been with, even after his visit to Istanbul (that was what his friend Yusuf called the city and Ezio couldn't bring himself to use any other name, and you respected that), he still somehow ended up in your arms. You'd waited for so long, gave up hope on multiple occasions despite what Claudia always told you, but you still waited. You couldn't love anyone else like you loved Ezio Auditore.

Well, the wait proved not to be a waste of time after all.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 18X01

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I was really excited for the Premiere and I have never been so disappointed in my life. It took me a few days to write this review because I’m just so unimpressed. I feel like the only interesting parts of the Season 18 Premiere were the Meredith and Hayes FaceTime call, Levi in that outfit and Jo with that hair, and the interviews. That's it. I mean Teddy and Owen’s two weddings were interesting if you’re a Teddy and Owen shipper, but I never have been so that didn’t really do anything for me.

The pacing of the episode was super slow and it was just altogether boring. There were also just so many inconsistencies. For example, Teddy and Owen originally planned to get married at the park with just Megan, Farouk, Evelyn, Leo, and Allison which doesn’t make sense because prior to their break up they were talking about planning their dream wedding. Now they finally get married and Richard didn’t even know about it? They asked Megan to fly in, but they didn’t tell their friends at the hospital after they just all attended Maggie and Winston’s wedding two weeks earlier?

It’s also not clear if Meredith knows that they got married which is weird because she’s the main character of the show and was an integral part of Owen’s previous two weddings one of which was held at her house. Also, Amelia and Link weren’t there and it’s not clear if they even knew about the wedding which is weird because Meredith, Amelia, and Link were all present when Owen proposed to Teddy at Christmas at Meredith’s house and they are all co-parenting Leo together.

While I appreciated the shift to a lighter tone and that they chose to have this season exist in a post-COVID alternative universe where we can see the actors faces again without the PPE and return to escapism the Premiere didn't pack the punch I was expecting. The premieres are usually super shocking and action packed and this one just wasn't. It was just boring and all of the most interesting stuff happened off camera during the two weeks between the Season 17 Finale and the Season 18 Premiere which is just stupid.

I saw the priest getting hit by one of the cyclists coming a few minutes before it happened based on the promo and the context of the scene and there wasn't a big shocking event like there usually is. The pace of the Premiere really felt off to me. My friend Amy who I watch with every week described it as the pacing you usually associate with a nice stroll through a moonlit garden. Fine for episode two or three or a connecting episode but not the Premiere. I feel like they really misjudged what fans were looking for and I’m hoping that they do the work and course correct now that the Premiere has aired and the completely dismal fan reaction as come out.

One of the few bright spots for me was the introduction of Peter Gallagher as Dr. David Hamilton. I love him as an actor! He's great! His recent roles in Grace and Frankie and Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist were fantastic! I was super excited when I heard he was coming to Grey's. I like Dr. Hamilton so far and I'm interested to see how his relationship with Ellis and Meredith having dreams about her mother following her battle with COVID will play into the story this season. While it would be interesting to see Meredith work in Minnesota temporarily like Cristina did back in Season 9, I don't want her there permanently. Seattle is as much a character in the show as any of the main characters we've come to love, and something would be missing for me if she moved.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't make much sense to me for Meredith to move to Minnesota permanently when she only knows a few people there. Who would watch her kids? If she's going to move to me, it makes more sense for her to move to Kansas where Alex is or Switzerland where Cristina is. Her kids have already lost their father and so many other caregivers and Meredith has stuck it out in Seattle for so long after everything that's happened that her moving to Minnesota for me would be bonkers.

Also, where were her kids in the Premiere? All of the interviews that came out prior to the Premiere talked about how Meredith’s focus at the beginning of the season would be on her work and her kids, but they were nowhere to be found in the Premiere and it’s not clear whose watching them while Meredith is in Minnesota. The interviews also made it seem like Meredith and Hayes would still be circling each other at the start of the season with quotes about how timing hadn’t been on their side, that they still needed to have an official drink and go out on a date, and that while Meredith wasn’t looking for a relationship one might find her.

That had literally nothing to do with the Premiere we saw whatsoever! The kids were MIA and it turned out that Meredith and Hayes started dating off screen following Maggie and Winston’s wedding and we didn’t get to see ANY of the firsts they talked about so much over the last two seasons. So stupid. The Premiere was a total rip off. I hate that Nick Marsh is back and I’ve never gone from liking a character and an actor to hating them in such a short period of time ever. My God. I’m so pissed off about this. What the hell were they thinking? Why did they think we would want this at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Nick Marsh as a character and Scott Speedman's portrayal of him when he first showed up in Season 14. I was all ready for him to be Meredith's next great love and I was on board. But then he disappeared and was never heard from again and it was reported that Speedman wanted to take a break from TV for a while so I mourned the loss of what could have been and moved on. I sat through the out of character nonsense that was the DeLuca storyline in the belief that eventually that storyline would end, and Meredith would get a real proper love interest that made sense and would be her post-Derek endgame.

So, I was really excited when they introduced Hayes and I have really come to love his character and his budding relationship with Meredith. I feel like I've been waiting forever to finally see them go on a date and I am super pissed off that we didn't get to see it. I would have loved this storyline with Nick if they had introduced it at any previous point in time, but now after they've spent so much time setting up Meredith and Hayes it's just infuriating. I feel immense rage over how they handled Meredith and Hayes and Meredith and Nick’s storylines in the Premiere. I'm so angry. The whole thing just made no sense. That Premiere should never have aired. It never should have gotten past the draft stage. It was that bad. The first date and all of the firsts that come with a new relationship are the most exciting parts of a romantic storyline for me and I love seeing all of that on screen. They hyped Meredith and Hayes’ relationship up so much and even had the two of them talk about 'firsts' and dating after death so for their first date to happen off screen along with Austin's panic attacks and bad reaction to his Dad starting to date again is just such a rip off.

I have stuck with this show through thick and thin and for them to reward that loyalty by having the most interesting parts of that storyline happen off screen while showing a bunch of stuff on screen with other characters that they could have just told us about? So ridiculous. I was so excited for this season and now I'm just angry. I'm hoping that they are building to a big mid-season finale where Meredith is going to return to Seattle and by that time Bailey will have helped Hayes out with Austin and the two of them will finally get together on screen but I'm starting to feel like every time I get invested in one of the Meredith's new love interests, they pull the rug out from under me and I'm getting really fed up.

In other news, I'm not too surprised that Megan and Riggs broke up off screen only because Virgin River, which I love, just got picked up for two more seasons and I imagine Martin Henderson is busy filming that and it looks like Megan is going to be around for a while and they had to explain it somehow. I loved Meredith and Riggs together and I hated how they ended that storyline so I'm not sad about them breaking up off screen.

The Premiere also broke my heart over Amelia and Link’s storyline. It’s just so stupid. It’s drama for drama’s sake that’s all it is and it’s tired. When did marriage become so important to Link? In the span of a few months, he went from being totally fine with not getting married and checking in with Amelia every few weeks on how she felt to convincing himself that Amelia wanted him to propose so he did so at her sister's wedding and used her dead brother's children to do it. Amelia's right the whole thing was super messed up and manipulative and she was right to say no.

Link decided marriage was important to him and that fostering Luna would be totally fine without ever talking to Amelia. Yes, Amelia should have shared her thoughts with him too, but he also should have paid attention. Now their otherwise healthy relationship is over because she doesn't want to participate in an archaic ritual that involves signing a contract and exchanging vows? That's just stupid. I hope they find a way to work it out and get back together because I really like them as a couple.

I like Dr. Michelle Lin the new Head of Plastic of Surgery that Bailey and Richard are looking to hire. I thought for sure after that photo of the other guy made the rounds on social media that he was going to be the new Head of Plastics, but then he said that he doesn't do "free" and I knew he was out. I'm excited for there to be another female surgeon of colour on the show as the gender and racial balance on the show has been more white and male as of late and I think Grey's is at its best when you have a roughly equal number of women and men and as many different races being represented as possible.

I think it makes the storylines more interesting and authentic and personally gives me more characters that I can identify with. This new doctor seems driven, determined, and could have a potentially interesting dynamic with Richard and Bailey. She’s also giving me some Cristina Yang vibes and I’m all for that. I love Cristina. Always have. Always will. That being said, I'm a bit confused as to where they are going with Jo's storyline as I thought for sure the new Head of Plastics would be a guy and her new love interest. But Bailey did say they still needed to hire a new general surgeon and a new neurosurgeon so maybe one of them will be for her?

I can't really say that there was anything I loved about the Premiere which is disappointing. Jo's parenting hair dye mishap was funny, Levi's outfit cracked me up, and I liked that Bailey agreed to help Hayes out, but that's about it. The thing I was most excited for coming into this season was Meredith finally being back on her feet and seeing the romantic storyline between her and Hayes finally come to fruition.

Finding out that she's going to be in Minnesota for the foreseeable future, she and Hayes started dating off screen but had to call it quits because seeing his Dad date someone new caused Austin to have panic attacks, and finding out that Nick Marsh is back? I hated it. I don't understand how the same person who wrote the Season 16 masterpiece “Snowblind” with that amazing snow scene between Meredith and Hayes wrote the Premiere. I just don't understand. I really hope they're not going to do a love triangle with Meredith, Hayes, and Nick because that would just be so stupid.

She's a forty something award-winning surgeon who's a widowed single mother of three. Love triangles made sense when she was young intern, but at this point it's just dumb. I also didn't feel the chemistry this time around between Meredith and Nick like I did the first time. It felt forced and flat. I like Maggie and Winston together, but I didn't find their storyline in the Premiere particularly engaging. I'm glad that Amelia stayed true to herself, but I hate that Link has decided marriage is the only way forward and that they're still fighting.

The only moment that really made me laugh out of the hour was when Jo opened the door and Levi was in that ridiculous outfit. I loved the FaceTime call between Meredith and Hayes, but I hated the context. Honestly, I'm not really excited about any upcoming storyline this season which makes me really sad. I'm usually super positive and hopeful when it comes to this show, but this episode just stomped all over my dreams. All I can hope for now is that they pull a twist and everything I was hoping for happens in the mid-season finale otherwise I don't think I'm going to like this season very much.

Until next time!

[cathrrrine]

RUN | Pietro x Reader

Originally from my Wattpad

CHAPTER 20 - BUCHAREST

----

a/n: the moment we've all been waiting for. **Words in bold are spoken in Romanian.

tw // death, falling off a build*ng.

-----

Talk about a look.

I was donning a new one, something I haven't done in a long while ever since the Avengers hauled my ass to their facility. It was strange to admit that I felt...comfortable. My hair was a different shade, my clothes were bland yet credible enough to blend in with the locals and I put on some coloured contact lenses. It was a routine that I was used to, dressing up like somebody else. Before it almost felt like an inescapable chore, but I found myself missing it.

Once again, I've lost myself in the art of disguise for the sake of going undercover. S.H.I.E.L.D was on our asses, and God knows how many goddamn people they have all over the globe.

"Normally, I'd dye my hair." I adjusted the cheap wig on my scalp, making sure my real hair was tucked in neatly so it wouldn't poke out and ruin the look. "Rogers could've at least bought me a better wig. Now, I just look like I'm getting dressed for Halloween."

"Lucky for you, it's almost October," Pietro replied. I could see him through the reflection of the mirror that we were both standing in front of. "It doesn't look too bad, yeah?"

I'd convinced him to cut his hair.

His head - once covered with that voluminous silver monster he called hair - looked different now, with his hair close-cropped instead of medium-lengthed. It took some serious cajoling, but I managed to convince all three of the men that wearing a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses was not a feasible disguise or a disguise at all.

"You surely look like a Daniel." Daniel Dalca, the fake identity that he had taken over. With his freshly cut, slicked-back hair and dark denim jacket, he looked nothing like the Pietro I had grown accustomed to.

He brought a hand up to touch his hair, "It feels weird."

"It's supposed to," I told him, eyeing his new look attentively. "If it feels normal, then you're not doing a good job. That's what I tell myself."

"You're right."

That's a first. "First day on the job and you're already fitting in just right, Daniel."

"Oh, this is not my first job, Cristina." Then there's me, Cristina Rusu. We both picked common names so it wouldn't stand out and bring about suspicion. Plus, we could both pass as locals.

"Ah, yes." My lips lifted in a half-smirk. "You went undercover when you tried to catch me back then in that bar. What a good job you've done! I could hardly notice when you spoke into your earpiece."

It was funny, thinking about it now. Maybe if Romanoff had been the one to enter that bar, it would've been quicker.

"That was not going undercover." He scowled. Mocking him was fun and I liked it. Honestly, it was nothing of malicious intent, I just liked seeing him react. Tie me up and call me a bully. "But you're here with me, so who's the loser, huh?"

Ouch. "Fair game, Maximoff."

The door opened before I could come back with a better retort, revealing both Sam and Steve -now, Mark and Hector - already in their disguises. Steve had insisted on sticking with his baseball cap strategy, not wanting to do anything to his beloved hair. I told him it would just look stupid. I mean, out of all of us, he was the hardest one to hide. His super-soldier body wasn't exactly indistinguishable. So, I made - or more like threatened - him to wear a bulky ass jacket. Now, he just looked like a lumberjack.

Sam, on the other hand, had on an outfit similar to mine. Perfectly Bland, a recipe I've since perfected. He was the one who flew us to Bucharest with a jet that he borrowed from a friend who owed him a favour, which made me realise how nice it must be to have friends in times of need. We arrived 15 hours ago. Through his numerous connections, Steve found us a safe house that was a small cottage at the edge of the city. It was a good spot, I'll give him that, but I do wish it was bigger. I was used to living solo, four people in a two-bedroom house felt like I was being trapped in a sardine can.

With all four of us in a room now, it was almost claustrophobic.

"What's the plan for today?" Sam asked, leaning against the door frame with his hands shoved into the pocket of his jacket. "We punchin' anybody?"

God, I wish. I needed an outlet for all these emotions swirling in my head. Punching someone would make me feel better. I hope.

"We're going to the city." Steve smoothed the fabric of his pants as he came to stand in front of me and Pietro. "See if we can find anything useful."

"What? You think we're going to find him out in the open?" I chastised. He's a killer, he shouldn't be out in public like a normal, law-abiding citizen. If he knew any better, he would be hiding away like a groundhog. "He's got a metal arm. Unless he wants to be seen, we won't find anything useful."

"Well, what would you suggest?" His voice was taking on a tone that sounded more like he wanted me to shut up rather than answering his question. Once more, I was reminded of my position on this so-called 'team'. I wasn't anyone's friend. I was still an enemy, just a useful one at the moment.

"You brought me along to help you. I'm just trying to do exactly that, Rogers." I reminded him. "We should split up, it's less suspicious. Scour the sketchy areas of town. He'll most likely be hiding in an apartment building. Best-case scenario, we find something that could lead us to where he is now. Worst case scenario, we lose a day's worth of scouting."

Steve looked indifferent, but he wasn't opposing.

"Teams of two. We search each area for three hours tops. We meet back at our rendevous point at sundown."

A compromise. I guess that's why he's the Captain.

"I'll go with Y/N." Pietro offered, much to my surprise.

Steve looked at me, shrugging. I don't get why Pietro would want to team up with me, but I wasn't complaining. I wasn't going to go with The Winter Soldier's best friend, and I did not trust Sam the Stranger enough to be left alone with him. Even if Pietro hadn't offered first, I would've asked the same. Only because he was the only one I felt who wouldn't throw me off a building if he had the chance. Also, he was a mutant. I could just Echo him if the situation called for it.

"Fine." I agreed. "But you're doing all the running."

---

We walked side by side on the open hallway of the apartment complex, the sound of our footsteps bouncing off the walls. Truly, it was one of the sketchiest buildings we came across. It was the third one we'd walked through for the day. So far, we've had some rough encounters but none that were relevant to the mission.

I could hear the low, muffled voices of the tenants as we passed each door. The sound of human conversations, mother's yelling at their children, babies crying, dog's barking. At one point we heard a choir of people singing, only realising it was somebody's television at maximum capacity volume after the singing was cut off by what sounded like a laundry soap ad.

"Sheesh," Pietro frowned. "These walls are thin."

They were. It was like the walls were made of paper. But, I could use that to my advantage. I tried to focus on each sound, closing my eyes as I did so. This time I didn't tune out the voices, instead, I let my ears hone in on each one as if I was a satellite, listening in on each conversation just in case any of them would be of any significance.

Have you had lunch yet?- ... Mom, I think I'm- ... Have you seen my keys?- ... He's here. I found him-

"What are you doing?"

My eyes shot open to see a very baffled Pietro standing in front of me, his face close to mine. I could technically feel his breath on my forehead. "I'm...trying to listen."

"That's impossible. You're telling me you were trying to listen in to almost a dozen voices talking at the same time? In Romanian?"

"Okay, first of all," I pushed him with the tip of my pointer finger, right in the middle of his chest. He took a step back. "Yes. I was trying to do that before you so rudely interrupted my process. You can add that to my list of abilities. And secondly, you were the one who called me a polyglot. Why would it surprise you that I can understand Romanian?"

He raised his hands in defeat, "Woah, no need to get so loud with me. I was just pointing out my confusion."

"Whatever."

He removed himself from my line of sight and resumed his initial position by my side. I could see him from the corner of my eye, a wary look on that troublesome face of his. "Can I ask you something?"

"Depends."

"How long exactly is this 'list of abilities' of yours?"

If I could, I would've wiped him off from existence right then and there. Who the hell does he think he is? Just because we were on a spontaneous mission together, it didn't mean we were the best of friends. He was just another individual, another human being who was unfortunate enough to have crossed paths with me. "What the fuck?"

"What?" He dared to look innocent.

"Maybe next time you're planning to gather intel, try to be a little bit more subtle." His brazen attempt was almost offensive. As if I was going to trust him with that information. Just because I shared a moment of vulnerability with him didn't mean I was going to share every single personal detail.

"Hey, hey!" I had picked up my pace but he followed suit, hot on my heels, true to his speedster nature. "Wait!"

I was a good number of steps ahead of him. I could hear the sound of his shoes hitting the bare cement. Maybe I didn't want to admit it but I didn't know why I reacted that way. Maybe it was because I didn't have an answer to his question. It was pushing another series of memories up to the surface. Pietro was one hell of a memory-undoer.

I never knew the full extent of my abilities. The only one I was sure of was my Echo. Other than that, zero.

"Y/N!" He panted, "Please wait."

Oddly enough, and much to my dismay...I stopped. That same tug on my heart compelled me to. It wasn't like I wanted to. My feet betrayed me.

Fucking feet.

I turned slowly, seeing Pietro's very, very remorseful face come into view as he jogged the last few steps. "Why?"

"I was not trying to gather intel." He said through short breaths, which I found ironic for a superspeed hero. "Never once did that cross my mind."

"I honestly could care less. But next time you ask me a question like that, I don't think it would go so well." I raised my shoulders in a full-bodied shrug. "We should get going."

"Y/N." He grabbed my arm.

At that moment, my brain caught itself in a jam. I was torn between wanting to twist his arm around to break it and turning around to see what he had to say.

My brain unfortunately chose the latter.

"I'm serious. I was just curious, again."

"Well, curiosity killed the fucking cat, didn't it? Don't let it kill you, kitty."

He ran a hand through his short hair, eyebrows knitted together in the middle. "You know, you have to stop with that."

"With what?" My lip curled up in irritation.

"You act like everything is out to get you. I-I'm not planning on doing anything malicious to you, okay? You said it yourself. You're my enigma and it's still driving me crazy! I don't know a thing about you but I so badly want to and I don't understand it."

"Am I a joke to you? I act like everything is out to get me because everything is out to get me. I've been running for more than half of my life. Do you expect me to let my guard down now?" I glared at him. "So, what is all this to you? A game of 20 questions to solve some sort of mystery that I'm supposedly involved in?"

"You-"

"Don't you remember threatening to kill me before you grew some sort of twisted fascination with me? It's like you keep ignoring that we're on different sides. I'm just here because I was stupid enough to get caught in the first place. I never trusted anyone before, what makes you think I'm going to start with you?"

"You trusted me enough to save you in that hallway."

I remember that moment. "I was at a dead end. You were my only lifeline, don't flatter yourself."

"Damn it, Y/N. I just want to be your friend." Hid voice grew quiet. "Trust me - or don't - but I'm telling the truth when I say that I'm not trying to get to know you because I'm trying to write up a report. It's simply because I want to."

Friend.

I was dumbfounded. Time seemed to stop around me as I searched his eyes for any sort of dishonesty, any red flag. But I found none. Was he truly telling the truth? Could I trust him? There goes that woozy feeling in my chest again, only this time it was stronger and wilder. My head was spinning in circles.

I felt my feet moving closer to him. What was it with my feet today? Why did they feel like magnets that were beyond my conscious control? Was it something I ate?

Then, time moved on again and reality struck in as I saw a very familiar-looking face appear from behind Pietro's body.

Fuuuuuckkkk.

There was no time to think. Only to act.

"You said you wanted to be my friend?" I whispered hurriedly to him, making sure to keep myself hidden. "Be a good one and kiss me, right now."

"Excuse me?"

"There's a Hydra agent right behind you and I know him. Kiss me!"

"Are you sure?"

"NOW!"

He slowly but surely moved his lips closer to mine, but Brock Rumlow was getting a hell of a lot closer than I would've liked him to be. I took his face in my hands and kissed him, covering my figure with his.

His lips were soft and light.

He moved his hands to the small of my back, gently pulling me in closer. I didn't object. Never have I ever kissed anyone in my life this way, I couldn't explain it. He was so...gentle with me. As if I was a porcelain doll that would shatter if he moved even in the slightest way. My heart skipped a beat, my stomach twisted into knots, it was a rush of emotions that was stronger than anything I've ever experienced.

What the fuck?

He held me to his chest, making sure my body was fully concealed from Rumlow's sight. At least Pietro got the message. We needed to stay hidden.

I opened one eye, trying to see if Rumlow was gone. No one else was in the hallway except us anymore. I needed to pull away. These were dangerous waters and I had no time or energy to tread in them. So, I removed myself from him, a little bit breathless. We both were.

I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself. But I so badly wished Rumlow had been there a bit longer.

"Sorry-"

"Don't be." He cut me off, his voice was an octave lower than usual.

Suddenly, I was aware of how dangerously close we were standing together. Sheepishly, I took a step back. The ghost of his lips stayed on mine, it took everything in me not to run my tongue over them.

"Who was it?"

"Hmm?"

"The agent?"

Oh. Right.

My brain went into auto-pilot mode. I needed to stay focused. It was just a damn kiss. Why was I overreacting? Mentally, I was cursing myself for acting like a schoolgirl, but on the outside, I made sure to keep a straight face on. "Brock Rumlow. Kicked his ass a few years back but I never got the chance to kill him."

"Was he after you?"

"Yeah." Brock Rumlow was an asshole. He played and fought dirty. It was a nasty battle with him. If I could go back to that moment where I had him pinned, I'd have slit his throat instead of second-guessing it. "The asshole works for Hydra."

"Why didn't you kill him?"

The last time I saw him, he was limping like a hurt animal, blood that wasn't my own blurring my vision and matting my hair. I made the mistake of letting my guard down and he'd flipped me over so he could slither away from my grip like a snake. "He got away."

"What's he doing in Bucharest, then?"

That one question triggered something in my brain. Rumlow in Bucharest? Just like that, everything clicked into place. I gasped, "Shit, Pietro! We have to follow him!"

His eyes widened. We both took off running, chasing after the infamous man. But then he stopped halfway, turning to me. I was about to yell at him for slowing us down before he called, "Echo me!"

There was no time to argue. In the blink of an eye, I'd gripped his arm and absorbed his energy. My body did the rest. I could feel the familiar sting of the energy surging through me, his powers replicating themselves in each cell of my body. It only took a second, maybe even less. As soon as I felt confident enough, I gave him a nod.

In truth, I've never felt such a rush like this before I met Pietro and his powers. I loved it. The wind whipping through my hair, the cool air blowing in my face. It was far from mundane - it was supernatural. There was no seering pain in my chest as my brain fought for oxygen, no, I felt as if I was walking. It was like there was some sort of force pushing me from behind, giving me the momentum that I needed to run as fast as possible. It was an undeniably exhilarating experience. In the few times that I've echoed him, I was always left craving more.

Much like that kiss of ours.

Huh? I shook my head. Keep it together, brain. Don't make me regret listening to you all these years.

"He's there!" I could hear Pietro calling out. Rumlow was walking through a door, but I covered the distance in a minute, just in time for me to grab him by the collar and push him hard into the wall.

"Rumlow," I growled, watching with satisfaction as his eyes went round with alarm. He was trembling under my grip. Good. Let him shit his fucking pants for all I care. My mouth twitched, and I tilted my head as I leaned in closer to him with the intention of striking fear into him. "You think I would've let you go that easily?"

"The Echo." His mouth set in a hard line. "Finally come to beg for mercy?"

Before I could even think, I punched him in the face. "No, I've come here to finally drag your ass to hell."

He swung back at me while he escaped from my grasp, but he missed me by a second as I deflected it. He was easier to fight since I knew what to expect from him now. I saw his fist coming my way again and I caught it swiftly, keeping my hold on him strong.

"Even after all these years, you're still one for revenge."

"No shit." I saw red. "You think revenge has a statute of limitations?"

"Go to hell."

I threw another mean punch, making sure it landed firmly on his nose. I wanted him to bleed. "Haven't you been listening? You're going with me. I saved you a special seat, right..." My knee hit his crotch. "...next to me."

It took him a moment to recover after crying out like a baby, squirming under my grip. Pathetically, he cried, "What do you want?"

"I want to know what you're doing here."

His lips drew back in a snarl, cackling like the asshole that he was. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yeah, I fucking do." I grabbed the switchblade that I had kept with me since the safe house, flipping it over and holding it up to his face. I pressed it firmly to his cheek, drawing blood. "Tell me before I give you more than just a scar."

He winced, "You've come to look for him? The Soldier?"

So, my assumptions were right. "You're here for him too. Tell me where he is."

"Oh, princess." I put more pressure on the blade, the knife cutting deep. Rumlow was tough not to cry out immediately, I'll give him that, but I wasn't surprised at all. He was the king of being an asshole. The man's jaw set, "What makes you think I'll tell you so willingly?"

"Maybe you won't be so cocky when I gauge your eyeballs out."

"You and your threats." He scoffed. "He trained you well, didn't he? You were his little puppet for so long. What brings you here now? Are you running out of options?"

"Stop talking."

"Or are you here because you need him?"

"Stop."

"It's the law of nature, Echo. The puppet always comes beckoning to the master. You'd never be able to live without him. Because without The Soldier, you're nothing but a headcount. You're a nobody, princess. You were never your own person. You were just a vessel for Hydra's experiments. Did you ever think you could amount to more?"

A flash of denim appeared right before my eyes and Rumlow disappeared from my grip.

"She was right. You are an asshole."

Pietro fucking Maximoff. "Took you long enough."

"I was waiting for the right moment." And the right moment it was.

Pietro had Rumlow by the feet, hanging off the railing as if he was a sack of meat. I walked to stand beside him, looking down at the prick with a smirk on my face. He had in his hand a ten-inch knife. If it hadn't been for Pietro cutting in, I'd have been too distracted to catch that. "Still not going to tell me?"

Even in the face of death, he was arrogant. "I'm not afraid of heights."

"I bet you're afraid of falling, though." Pietro let go of his left foot.

Rumlow cried out at the change in balance, but he didn't give in. The knife in his hand came loose from his grip, falling to the ground 10 floors below. "You can kill me for all I care."

"Tell us where he is!"

He laughed, "The Soldat won't be easy to find."

Pietro looked to me, asking for a conclusion to the situation. Drop him or bring him up? God, I wanted so badly to let Pietro drop him. He wouldn't be missed. Why would the world need another killer like him? I knew Rumlow, he was one of the pricks who wouldn't think twice about killing an innocent person. If anything, he's killed more people than I have.

But...he was the only person who could lead us to the success of this mission. It wasn't like I was eager to find The Soldier, but I gave my word to Steve. I could just tie him up and torture him into submission.

"Bring him up." I sighed.

Brock Rumlow had other ideas. Neither of us saw it coming.

"Hail Hydra."

He pledged, then he shook his foot forcefully out of Pietro's grip, succumbing to the laws of physics as gravity pulled him to his desired death. I saw our only hope of finding The Soldier fall in slow motion, clenching my jaw as realisation set in.

I didn't even get an answer.

Pietro stayed leaning over the railing while I walked away from the scene. It was an unfortunate tragedy, one that would surely attract unwanted attention. We needed to get out of here before anyone could see us. Out of all the ways he decided to die, he chose the one that would inconvenience me the most.

"What are we going to do?"

I shook my head, "I'm exhausted."

"We should go."

I knew that. I did. Nonetheless, the only thing running through my head was how Steve Rogers was going to react to this. Would he make good on his threat?

"We just lost our only lead, Maximoff."

Now, how the hell was I supposed to fix this?

[tinyboxxtink]

“Sharky” *Part 9*

Okay it might end up only being 10 chapters, DEPENDING on what happens in the next chapter-- which guys, you’ll never see coming. Never in a million years. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Also-- I don’t know if you care but the beginning scene/paragraph was written based on the scene in Grey’s Anatomy when Burke leaves Cristina at the altar and she has a panic attack/breakdown in her wedding dress. Just for reference, that’s what it’s supposed to look like. Don’t know who will understand that or not, but if you wanna YouTube it it’s very powerful. [To me.]

TAG LIST:

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Chapter List Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Part 10

-----

You made it halfway down the street before you felt your breathing increase, your body temperature rose by the second. In seconds you were hyperventilating, stuck in a damn leather trap of a dress. You were having a full on panic attack and you physically couldn’t breathe in the tight leather bodice. You had no idea what to do, you had literally never felt this panicked and scared and upset in your entire life. You tried desperately to rip off your sleeves at the very least, clawing at them while sobbing like a crazy person. But you were fighting a losing battle, and you felt yourself falling down to your feet. 

Your eyesight was blurry through tears but you managed to crawl into a nearby alley, still sobbing loudly and trying to breathe. You really thought you were going to pass out, and some creep would probably come and find your unconscious body in the alley and do sick stuff to it, and you’d be on the news at 11. 

You kept gasping for breath, now wrestling with the zipper on the back of your dress. You needed this OFF, and you needed it off NOW. You felt yourself losing consciousness, when a pair of hands caught you from behind. 

“What do you need?” The voice asked. You were certain this was a rapist, but why was he asking what you needed? 

“I...can’t….I can’t….” You sobbed, flailing your arms towards your back. You felt the hands unzip your dress just far enough that you could pull it off to rip your arms out of the sleeves and just hold it up over your breasts so you weren’t standing there half naked. Finally able to breathe you finally just sobbed while this person held you from behind, their head was pressed into your back and you could hear their words muffled but clear:

“I’m so sorry...I'm so sorry…” 

You finally looked down and realized the pair of hands that were holding you, and your panic went straight back to rage. You broke free from their grasp and spun around to see Rafael hunched over, clearly surprised by your sudden turnaround.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” You screamed at him, causing people walking by to look in concern.

“You were having a panic attack! You nearly collapsed in the street! What was I supposed to do just walk back into the party and leave you to die?” He said loudly so people would know he had been trying to help you, not rape you.

“YES!!!”

“Oh come on Y/N---” He tried to help you steady yourself on your heels, but you ripped them off and tossed them at him.

“No!!!” You screamed. “I told you to leave me alone, Rafael for fuck’s sake! Just go back and be with your girlfriend--” You started to walk away.

“I don’t want her, I want you!!!” He yelled, making you stop in your tracks.

“Well you sure have a hell of a way of showing it!” You turned back around and yelled angrily. 

“Look, Y/N...God, I don’t know how this got so fucked up…” He shook his head as he paced the alleyway. 

“Right because nothing is ever your fault,”  You scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

“I’m not saying that! I--” He sighed and stopped pacing to look at you. “Look, I was really low, and upset about you, and Liv and I were drinking, and--”

“So your solution to getting over me was to bond with the person who sabotaged us in the first place? Real sound logic there, counselor,” You said in a mocking tone.

“Look I get what she did was wrong, but she’s also been my best friend for a very long time, and I just-- I don’t know, I focused on that part,” He looked down. 

“How? How can you just sit there and make excuses for her--”

“I’m not making excuses for her, I fucked up okay? I was drunk, and sad, and I ignored my angry feelings at Liv and one thing led to another…” 

“Oh for Christ’s sake Barba really? One thing led to another? You PURPOSEFULLY slept with the ONE person you knew I’d never forgive you for!”

“That’s not true!!!” Rafael argued. “I’m not dismissing my behavior, but I swear to you it was NOT my intention to hurt you--” 

“Really? So what did you just think I’d never find out about you and her?”

“No I just-- look the next morning she was just so happy, and I was too much of a coward to tell her that I was just missing you and--”

“For fuck’s sake Barba are we in 10th grade? You ‘accidentally’ sleep with your best friend and then just date her because you can’t tell her the truth? And I’m just supposed to believe that?”

“It’s the truth!” He yelled. “I’m not proud of it, but it is the truth. I will go right back into that party and I will end it with her right now Y/N I swear it--”

“It doesn’t matter!” You cut him off. “I don’t care what you do, or don’t do with Olivia, Barba, I really don’t. Date her, fuck her, break her heart. Because you and I are off the table, permanently” You started to walk away again, but he grabbed your hand.

“No, come on Y/N there has to be a way we get past this, there has to be. I mean, look how upset you are. I know you still care about me--”

“OF COURSE I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU, IDIOT!!!” You screeched. “Yes, I’m having a fucking nervous breakdown over you because yes I do still lo--like you, but it’s irrelevant!” 

“But why…?” He asked in a soft voice.

“Do you really think that I can EVER look at you without seeing you and that bitch with her legs in the air?” You asked. “I mean, even right this second that’s ALL I can think about!” You started to cry again as you once again  tried walking away from him.

“Y/N, Please...please I am begging you…” He grabbed both of your hands this time and got down on his knees.

“This isn’t a negotiation, counselor. There’s nothing you can do, no penance you can give,” You sniffled. “It’s just...it is what it is,” 

“Please, Y/N....,” He clung to your waist like a child as he whimpered into your stomach.

You placed your hands over his back and looked to the sky, pleading to whoever was up there to make this stop. It was absolutely true, everything you said. Even though you could see that this whole situation was just a fucked up series of events and misunderstandings, you really couldn’t look at him without seeing her. You wanted to forgive him, you wanted to pick him up off his knees right now and just kiss him until the pain went away, but you couldn’t. 

“No,” You did your best to keep a stern tone as you pried him from your body. “I’m sorry,” You whispered as you put a hand to his cheek; you noticed he had started crying as well. 

It took everything you had to pick up your heels and walk out of that alleyway with your sleeves tied around your neck so it kept your dress over your breasts. 

------

After several minutes of trying to compose himself, Rafael finally walked back down the street and into the bar where his friends were waiting. 

 Rafa! Where the hell did you go?” Oliva cried.

“I went after Y/N,”  Rafael simply stated.

 “A-Are you serious? Why?” Olivia asked in disbelief. 

“You know why, Olivia” Rafael replied with a straight face.

“I cannot believe you--”

“Look, Liv. You are my absolute best friend in this entire world, I hope you know that,” He sighed. “But this has gone too far,” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Why did you do everything you did to Y/N, Liv?” Rafael crossed his arms. “ Is it because you’ve known how I’ve felt about her from the start?”

“I...Maybe…” Olivia looked at the ground as Rafael sighed deeply.

“Olivia I have tried so hard, SO hard to be there for you. To care about you, to love you. I have chosen you over and over again, but I won’t do it anymore. What you did was wrong, and you really hurt me,” He said sternly.

“How did I--”

“By hurting Y/N, Liv! By hurting us! Now, it’s so fucked up that I will NEVER be with her, and yeah that’s my fault and I have to deal with it now but--” He took a breath. “I need space, okay? I need to face what I’ve done to someone I cared about very much, and I need to do it on my own, and not with the person who helped me do it. I’m sorry,” 

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the party, alone.

------

The next Monday you walked into work with your head held high, despite all the whispers and snickers as you passed by each desk. 

“Hey there, Cobra,” Your colleague Stacy waved. 

“Cobra?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know like a spitting cobra?” She smirked. 

“Oh lovely, is that my new nickname then?”

“Could be worse,” Stacy shrugged. “We could just call you ‘chum bucket’,” she added with a laugh.

“Pithy,” You chuckled mockingly. 

“Y/L/N,” Buchanan suddenly walked up to your conversation. “May I see you in my office?” 

“Um, Yeah sure…” You muttered uneasily as you followed him back to the office. You could hear Parker humming “The Death March” behind you. Vultures. You finally reached Buchanan’s office, he let you in first as he closed the door behind you.

“Sit, please,” He gestured to a chair. You obeyed as he went around and sat at his desk chair.

“So, I heard you had an interesting Halloween night…” He raised an eyebrow.

“Listen, sir I am so sorry--” You started to beg for forgiveness.

“Y/N, you are one of the best lawyers I have here,” He cut you off. “You’re a Great White among those Tiger Sharks,”

“Thank you…?” You scrunched your face.

“But you’ve been spiraling,” He sighed. “I mean, spitting on a sergeant in the middle of a bar full of NYPD, that’s…” He shook his head with a laugh of disbelief. “That’s ballsy. Do you know how many cops have called here today asking for your head on a stick?”

“I know sir and I--” You started to apologize but he put his hand up.

“But do you know what I love most about being a lawyer?” 

“What’s that?”

“I don’t work for the NYPD,” He smirked. 

“I’m sorry sir...what are you--”

“That took guts, Y/N. Putting ‘Saint’ Olivia Benson in her place like that,” He went on. “You know those schmucks at the NYPD think they are so high on the moral ground, but just look at what Barba did to you,” He came around and put a hand on your shoulder. “Lying and manipulating you like that, just for that self righteous Siren,” 

“Yeah…” You shifted uncomfortably in your chair. 

“And I would like to reward you for your courage,”  He smiled.

“Sir?” You were sure you heard him wrong.

“I know that those three idiots tried setting you up at that party to tank your career, but unfortunately for them-- it did the very opposite,” He gave you an evil smile. “I’d like to offer you the position of partner,” 

“R-Really?” You blinked in disbelief. 

“Yes really,” He chuckled. “Is that a yes?”

“Absolutely, John! Thank you!” You went to hug him but he put his hands up.

“Ah...just the thank you is fine, Y/N,”

“Right. Sorry,” You put your arms at your sides. You knew better than to show emotions at work. 

“Well then, let me show you to your new office... partner,” He smiled as he led you out of his office. You walked proudly behind him as you raised a high middle finger to the glaring looks of your co-workers.

 Maybe things were turning around….

 . 

[doc-pickles]

half a heart (without you)

Jo gets some unexpected news and the only person she can think to turn to is her ex husband.

hi friends, i don't have any coherent thoughts. this was a crack fic that I managed to write during our massive heat wave. s/o to mac as well for helping me out with this one. you're the best.

also, sorry I haven't updated lately I was busy birthing a human.

xoxo nina

“Okay Jo, everything looks good on the ultrasound but-“

“But what? My kid has three arms? Missing a foot? Won’t survive outside of the womb?”

Sitting up from her spot on the exam table Jo eyed Carina warily. Her 20 week appointment had come up quicker than she’d anticipated, leaving her no time to worry about the many things that could be wrong with her baby. Now though, her mind was spinning into overdrive.

“Calm down, your bambino is fine,” Carina placed her hand on top of Jo’s as she spoke. “I just noticed a small irregularity in his heart, I want to schedule a follow up appointment next week with a fetal cardiologist.”

“What kind of irregularity? Like a hole in his heart? Does he have a ventricular septal defect? Is his heart underdeveloped?”

“Relax, Jo. You need to stay calm for your little one,” Carina gave Jo a small smile, attempting to comfort her but not doing much for her own racing heart. “I’m not entirely sure if it is even something to worry about. Do you have any family history of heart issues?”

The question made Jo pause for a moment, jaw slack and eyes wide as her mind blanked. She clearly didn’t know her own family health history, but she also had no clue if there was anything on her child’s paternal side that she needed to be worried about. She’d been convinced that she could do this whole parenting thing on her own but now she was scared out of her mind and absolutely clueless on what to do next.

“Umm… I don’t think so? I don’t know,” Jo finally met Carina’s gaze again, the all too familiar pitying gaze boring into her. “I’ll check… Thanks, Carina.”

Before the other woman can say anything to her, Jo is grabbing her jacket and practically sprinting out the exam room door. Her eyes are watering as she finds an on-call room and quickly barricades herself inside.

“Oh god,” Jo pressed her hand to her small baby bump as she attempted to take deep breaths. It didn’t help though, her anxious mind spinning out as she walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this.”

Before she lost all of her senses Jo pulled her phone out, not even stopping long enough to second guess herself as she dialed the all too familiar number.

“Hello? Jo?”

“Do you have a family history of cardiac issues?”

“What? Are you crying,” Alex paused to listen to Jo who was still struggling to catch her breath. “Jo, what’s going on?”

“Cardiac problems! Do you have a family history or not?”

“You called me to ask about cardiology?”

“Damn it, Alex,” Jo made no effort to conceal her emotions anymore, openly sobbing now. “Do you think I would just call you and ask about this for no reason?”

“Okay, okay. Just take a breath,” Alex waited for Jo to calm down a bit before continuing. “My mom has high blood pressure but that’s about it. Oh, and I have a heart arrhythmia.”

“Are you kidding me right now?!”

“No, Cristina almost killed me once and I found out I have a slight arrhythmia. Now, will you tell me what’s going on? You’re starting to freak me out,” when Jo didn’t respond to him, Alex let a sigh out, calming his tone down as he spoke. “Jo, will you tell me what’s wrong?”

Jo sniffled, wiping at her eyes before settling her hand against her belly again, “I had a doctor's appointment today. With Carina.”

“Oh… Oh ,” Alex sucked in a breath across the line and Jo could almost see his facial expression falling as he realized exactly what she was telling him. “Are you okay? Is..”

“I don’t know,” Jo tried to hold off on crying even more, but her emotions finally got the best of her as she said out loud what she’d been fearing for the last fifteen minutes. “I don’t know, she said she saw an irregularity on my ultrasound but she doesn’t know and I’m really freaking out right now.”

Jo hated that this was how Alex had to find out about their baby, while she was in the middle of a panic attack worrying whether or not their son would be okay. She always planned on telling him but she hadn’t found the courage to pick up the phone yet. However, as soon as Carina had said something might be wrong all Jo wanted was Alex and the sense of comfort he brought her.

“Hey it’s gonna be okay, everything is going to be fine,” Alex’s calming tone helped her heart to calm a bit, but her chest still heaved as she struggled to catch her breath. “It’s gonna be okay Jo. Let me make some calls and see what I can do, okay?”

“Okay.”

Alex had texted her not even an hour after they had hung up, letting her know that he was flying into Seattle two days later. He’d told her not to worry, that he’d get a taxi back to the loft, but her anxiety had been on high alert since her appointment and now she found herself standing in the arrivals terminal bouncing on her heels as her heart beat unsteadily in her chest.

She hadn’t seen Alex in almost five months, the last time she’d seen him they were a floor up as she dropped him off and kissed him goodbye. The thought makes her stomach turn unpleasantly, but she tamps the feeling down as she feels a different sensation. Her hand dropped to her belly, pressing down as the baby below her skin pushed up against her hand. The constant movements kept her mind at ease, telling herself that as long as her son kept moving around, he would be alright.

“Jo.”

She’s snapped out of her thoughts by an all too familiar voice, her gaze moving from her belly up to Alex as he stands across from her, still a good 50 feet away. His eyes dart from hers down to her protruding belly and then back up to her face. It takes her all of two seconds to dart forward and into Alex’s arms, pressing her face against his chest as his arms wrapped around her.

“Hey, we’re gonna be fine, it’s okay,” Jo hadn’t realized she was crying until Alex’s hand rubbed against her back, prompting her to take deeper breaths as she reigned in her emotions. “I’m here now and we’re gonna be okay. I promise.”

+

“My appointment is tomorrow Alex, I don’t need you fussing over me for 12 hours until then,” Jo laid herself out across the couch, watching as Alex kicked his shoes off by the door before sitting on the other end of the couch and moving her feet into his lap. “He’s been moving around all day, I think he’s fine.”

“Will you just let me check? I do tons of fetal consults, I’m used to it,” Alex stared down at her with a frown. “It would make me feel better.”

Jo let out a sigh as she grabbed the hem of her shirt, reaching for Alex’s hand and pressing it against her belly where their son was moving around, “Does that make you feel better?”

Looking up from her belly Jo let a small grin form on her face as she saw the tears welling in Alex’s eyes. She truly was going to tell him, she knew how important being there from the beginning of their child’s life would be for him. For weeks though every time, she thought about telling him fear stopped her. Fear of him rejecting her, of him not wanting anything to do with her or their child, of him taking their son. All of those fears seemed to vanish though when she was faced with the very real fear that her, their, son was in danger. Once that idea was planted in her head, all Jo wanted was to talk to Alex and tell him everything he’d missed.

“He’s gonna be fine, whatever happens tomorrow he’s going to be okay,” Alex finally looked away from where his hand laid on Jo’s stomach only to find her already staring down at him. “I’m sorry I missed so much and that you had to go through that alone. But I swear I’m not going anywhere now.”

“Alex-”

“I mean it. How am I supposed to leave again when you two are here,” as if proving his point a kick sounded against his hand prompting Jo to place her own hand over his. “I can’t do that, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I left and something happened again.”

She knew there was more they needed to say, more that they would have to talk about including how he’d left her before. But for now, Jo was content in laying where she was as Alex talked to their son, his fingers brushing across her bare skin as he tracked his movements.

+

True to Alex’s word, everything does end up being okay for them. Five months after he comes back to Seattle Jo is cradling their son against her chest, the little boy letting out small cries as he adjusts to being in the world.

“See? I told you he’d be perfectly fine,” Alex pressed a kiss into Jo’s hair before leaning down to press one against the tufts of dark hair on their son’s head. “Liam just knew that if he was a little dramatic he’d get me home sooner.”

Jo couldn’t help the chuckle that left her as she looked down at Liam. Even if she had been scared out of her mind, she knew that she would go through everything in the past nine months all over again if it meant that she had her son and her husband by her side.

[fan4196]

The truth

Hey everyone, here's another one. Hope you like it. Enjoy!

Big thank you again @angry-slytherin :)

-

"Hey. How are you?" Jo asks with a smile under her mask as she walks into Mer's room.

"Let's say better. Not great, but ok for someone who survived covid." Mer answers, looking tired over her own mask.

"You really scared us there. I'm happy you're better again. Your kids missed you so much." Jo nods with a toothless smile as she sits down on the chair beside the hospital bed.

"You talked to them?" Meredith asks surprised, as she watches her friend sit down.

"Yeah, I got my second shot the other day, which Link immediately used to talk me into babysitting Scout, and your kids happen to live in the same house." She says with a laugh.

"Amelia and Link really left you alone with four kids?" Mer immediately asks surprised.

"Yup. They are taking advantage of my new found love for tiny humans." She laughs, watching Meredith closely as she leaves this little hint about her intent now that Mer is fully conscious.

"Oh I heard you when you talked to me about that. You know Cristina and I used to make fun of Alex and the vagina squad back when we where interns. You really wanna join the pink scubs?" The soft tone and little smile on Mer's face calm Jo down. Knowing that Mer wasn't going to talk her out of it or judge her in any way let her nervous heart slow down.

"Yeah." Jo smiles. "I need some joy in my live and I think the vagina squad will bring me that."

"I'm happy for you, if that's what you want, even though I think that you'll miss the OR and all the cool surgeries with in a week." The older one says with a laugh.

"We'll see." Jo smiles.

It's silent in the room for a few seconds until Mer starts with a completely different topic, that Jo wasn't quite ready for.

"I think you should call Alex," the blonde breaks the silence, this time in a way more serious tone.

"What?"

"You should call him." She nods, trying to show the brunette her seriousness.

"Do you- Did Levi tell you-"

"Levi? What does Schmitt have to do with- no. I guess I have to start from the beginning." Mer starts, talking about her dreams. How she was able to see her loved once on a beach; talking to them.

"So you're telling me, that you saw people on a beach while you where sleeping? Like a dream?" Jo asks more confused than ever, not quite getting what her former mentor was trying to tell her.

"Yeah, well it felt stronger than a dream; more real than normal dreams. I was able to see people; talk to them, even touch some of them. Even before they put me on the vent I saw Derek and George." Mer tried to explain the experience she couldn't quite understand herself.

"But this time you saw Izzie?"

"Yeah and she told me that she died five years ago and that she never had kids; she never used the eggs. I know it may sound crazy and I don't expect you to believe me but what if it's true? What if Izzie's really dead? I've been near to death before, I saw Denny Duquette and that bomb guy, even my dog and mother. And they are indeed dead. So what if Alex left for whatever stupid, dump ass reason he thought was worth leaving us and is not with Izzie or his kids. Wouldn't you want to know if he left because he developed schizophrenia and didn't want to burden you with it?" Meredith asks, watching Jo closely, knowing that the Alex topic is still a really sore point for her.

"You are right. It really sounds crazy."

Jo immediately answers, defensive, putting her walls up as soon as she heard her ex-husbands name. And as quick as her mood changed she gets up and is about to leave and escape the situation she really can't be in, when something falls out of her lap coat pocket.

"Jo wait! I'm sorry- Jo!" Mer tries to scream after her, but the brunette is out of the room faster than Mer is able to hold her back.

As Meredith falls back in her pillow she sees Levi walking by.

"Schmitt! Get in here. Pick that up for me." She calls him before he's passed by.

Happy but also intimated by the big Meredith Grey he of course does what she wants and picks up the upside down white square from the floor, handing it to his superior.

"Is that yours?" He asks a little surprised as he sees that the paper turns out to be an ultrasound picture.

"No- It's Jo's." Mer answers just as surprised as the resident as she looks at it closer.

"Oh so you know? Thank god, I'm so happy that I'm not the only one anymore that knows about this. I'm actually a little concerned about her. Her morning sickness is really bad. It's more like an all day sickness and her mood swings- not fun. I bought the wrong cream cheese the other day-"

"Schmitt! Shut up! I didn't know until now." She shuts him up, looking up from the picture to throw him a look.

"Oh."

"Yeah oh. Now get me my phone, I need to make a call." She orders, holding her hand out while she's looking at the ultrasound picture again.

-

"Hello?"

"Ahm hi. Is this Alex Karevs phone?" Meredith asks confused as a female voice she never heard before greets her from the other side of the call.

"Yes, is it." The woman on Alex's phone answeres friendly. A little to friendly and casual for Mer's liking.

"Then who are you?" She tries to find out who the hell is currently speaking to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I heard it ringing from the kitchen and just picked it up. Alex isn't here, he's at the park with the kids-"

"That's not answering my question. Who are you?" Mer interrupts, before the female can keep going. Slowly but surely the mood of the blonde is shifting.

"Well, who are you?" The woman on Alex phone asks back, also slowly losing the friendliness she had just two minutes ago.

"Oh no, I'm not playing this game. Who are you and what are you doing on my friend's phone." Mer starts, ready to scream if this woman won't finally tell her what she wants to know.

"Good. I'm not playing this game either so-"

The woman gets interrupt mid sentence. You can hear rustling and arguing through the phone until the voice Mer wanted to hear in the first place answers.

"Hello?"

"Alex?" She asks, even though she recognized his voice right away.

"Mer?" He asks back, rather surprised, but happy.

"Where the hell are you? Who was that woman? Do you have kids? I know your not in Kansas, Alex. Izzie is dead. What the hell is going on?" She starts shooting off questions without letting him answer.

"Wow, Mer chill-"

"Chill? I'm not going to chill, asshole. You better tell me that the hell is going on-" She needs to stop mid sentence as a wave of coughing overcomes her; an aftereffect she still has from COVID.

"Mer are you ok?" Alex immediately asks concerned.

"No I'm not ok. I almost died of COVID, I was in an induced coma and could have really needed the person on my emergency contact to pick up his stupid phone, to decide what to do next when I wasn't able to." She starts calling frustrated.

"Fuck- I'm so sorry, Mer-"

"Yeah, you better be. Now answer my questions." She comes back to the original topic why she called.

"Ok- I'm not in Kansas. I'm not with Izzie, I'm with my sister, Amber and her kids. She's pregnant and her husband is trapped in Europe because of Covid. I'm helping her with the house and the kids." He starts explaining.

"But there was no Covid when you left-"

"I know. I came here because my brother- well he tried to kill himself. His schizophrenia got worse, Mer. He was not taking his medication, he- ahm he hurt several people and raped three nurses in the facility he was staying in. They put him into prision, where he tried to kill himself and now he's at the hospital where no one's allowed to visit him because of Covid. My mom couldn't handle all the paperwork without interrupting her routine and Amber is seven months pregnant and has two little kids, I didn't want her to do everything." He adds to his story, letting go a little sigh as he finishes.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But why the hell did you feel the need to leave? Why lying to us and sending those stupid letters, you could have just talked to us. We would have helped you-"

"That's the point, I don't want help. This is my family, you had enough family crap for a lifetime and Jo-"

"She would have helped you. You know damn well that she would have gone with you in a heartbeat. She married you, so it's her family too." Mer adds.

"I couldn't- She went through so much crap last year and she was just doing fine again- I couldn't bring her here, hearing that my brother raped three women- I- I couldn't do that to her. She deserves to be happy-"

"She's not, Alex. She's everything but not happy and it's your fault. You know that Jo's probably the strongest woman we know. Yes she went through a lot of crap and yes she just overcome depression, but you also know that she loved you with everything she had. This letter broke her, Alex. She's not showing it, but she's broken. She's working nonstop, even though she's-" She takes a pause before she says too much, then continues. "Abandoning her was worse than just telling her the truth, trust me."

"Even though she's what? Mer what is it? Is she ok?" Alex immediately asks, knowing that Mer's little pause and change of topic was supposed to distracte him from what she almost said.

"It's not my place to tell you, Alex. You should probably call her." Mer tries to talk her out of it, but she knows her friend way too good. When Jo's the topic Alex  wants to know everything.

"Mer, what? Tell me, damn it!"

"Alex-"

"Tell me!" He shouts, immediately sorry, but he's so frustrated right now. He has to know that Jo's fine, otherwise- he doesn't even wanna think about it.

"She's pregnant." Mer answers, regretting it the second it comes out of her mouth. It's not her place to tell him.

"What-"

"Before you say anything, I already regret telling you. It's none of my business and actually you don't deserve to know it. I'm sorry but I'm on Jo's side. When you left her, you left me too and I hate you for that. So you are not gonna call her now and scream at her for not telling you, you hear me? If she doesn't wanna tell you, she has every right for doing so, alright? You are not her husband anymore." Mer finishes, hearing the silence on the other side.

"I know." He agrees after a few seconds, before he continues. "Is it- is it mine?"

"The baby? I have no idea, Alex. I just found out an hour ago. An ultrasound picture fell out of her lab coat when she left my room, so I don't know. I heard some rumors- but nevermind." Again immediately regretting that she said too much.

"Rumors? What rumors?" He asks.

"You don't wanna know Alex-"

"Tell me!" He interrupts her again.

"She ahm- I heard rumors that she and Jackson-"

"What?" He stops her. His head is spinning and his heart immediately starts to hurt a little. Even though he knows that he has actually no right to feel like this.

"Alex, you need to calm down. She is not your wife anymore! You are the one that divorced her! I heard that they had a friend with benefits thing going but listen the baby on the ultrasound looks way to big for it to be Jackson's, ok? If you ask me it looks like five maybe six month-"

"Fuck. I left my pregnant wife-" Everything comes crushing down on Alex in that moment and he can't hold his tears back any longer. He really thought he did what was best for everyone.

"Alex are you crying?" Mer asks carefully after a few seconds listening to the silence on the phone.

"Yes I am, because I'm so fucking dumb- I abandoned the love of my life that is carrying my baby- during a freaking pandemic. She probably had the worst morning sicknesses and- god she always told me how scared she is to become a mom but that she feels safe with me by her side- and now I'm not. Fuck- I really didn't change much since our intern year, I'm still a freaking asshole."

"Alex no; you changed a lot. You became an amazing peds surgeon, you've grown so much during the years I've known you. You became an awesome person, my person and you were an amazing husband. But I have to agree, you are a little asshole. Now you hang up, you go outside take some deep breaths, throw a few things against a tree or whatever and then you man up and call Jo. She deserves the truth Alex especially when she's pregnant with your child." Meredith tries to convince him, not knowing what else to say.

"Thanks Mer." He answers quietly.

"Sure."

"I promise I'll visit you as soon as I can, ok? I'm sorry." Alex apologizes again, drying his tears with his sleeve.

"It's ok, asshole. The kids miss you." She laughs through the phone, trying to make him laugh too.

"I miss them too and I miss you. Thank you for calling Mer."

"Sure. Please promise me not to scream at Jo, ok? And please let her tell you that she's pregnant, she'll kill me if she hears that I told you."

"I promise." He answers. "Bye Mer."

"Bye."

-

After he did what Mer told him, Alex is now sitting on his sister's front porch, phone in his hand, fighting with himself, wondering if he should really call. Jo went through so much already because of him, she doesn't deserve any more pain. Maybe he should just leave her thinking that he's in Kansas. But on the other side, he could never live with the knowledge that she's having his child on her own. Sure he knows that she has a whole damn village at the hospital and they will support her, but they shouldn't. It's his child and he should be the one taking care of them, his baby and Jo.

So before he can think about it any further he's already dialing Jo's number. With his phone on his ear he stands up from the chair on Amber's front porch and starts walking circles in the front yard, while it's ringing.

"Hi this is Doctor Josephine Wilson, please leave a message."

Hearing her voice after almost five month for the first time again gives Alex chills, even though it's just her voicemail message it immediately calms him a little bit. The last thing he heard from her was her crying on his voicemail, begging him to call her. This message broke his heart into a million little peaces, but he wasn't able to answer her because he knew that he would have hopped on the next plane home in a heartbeat. But his family here needed him.

Now he's the one, getting send straight to her voicemail, which he totally understands.

"Hi. It's me, Alex. Jo, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know sorry doesn't fix anything and I understand that you probably never wanna talk to me again. But please just listen. I'm not in Kansas, I'm not with Izzie nor any twins. I'm in Iowa. I'm with Amber and her kids. She's pregnant and her husband is stuck in Europe due to Covid. I originally got here because Aaron- he- he was not taking his meds and tried to hurt himself. He's in the hospital now. I couldn't let my mom or Amber handle this, I just- I'm sorry I just left like this. I never wanted to hurt you, I just didn't want you to get wrapped into my family crap again. You didn't deserve that after you just pulled yourself out of this dark hole. I wanted to protect you, but I guess I just hurt you more- I never wanted to leave you and I sure as hell never wanted you to not be my wife. I married you because you're the most incredible woman I've ever met. I guess I never told you, but you Josephine are the strongest and most amazing woman on this planet and I never deserved you or your pure, loving heart. I'm so incredibly sorry- for everything." He takes a deep breath, wiping away the tears that started streaming down his face again as soon as he started talking. "Please call me. I love you Jo and I will never stop. I'm sorry. Bye."

-

It's been two days now since Alex left the voicemail and he still didn't get an answer.

He called Mer again but she didn't know anything about Jo either, so he guesses he really fucked it up this time and he couldn't even be mad at her. It's his own fault-

"Uncle Alex, there's someone at the door for you."

Alex got ripped out of his thoughts by his nieces little voice. He quickly smiles at the blonde little girl and gets up from the couch.

He rounds the corner of the living room and freezes as soon as he sees the visitor standing beside his sister on the front porch.

Even though he can't see her whole face, because it's covered with a purple mask, he knows that she's smiling while she's talking to Amber. Her eyes are sparkling as she takes her few from Amber and locks eyes with him.

Slowly, not knowing if everything was just a dream or if this was really happening, his feet carry him towards the front door, past Amber, pulling Jo into a tight hug. He can fell her immediately relaxing in his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her head deep in his shirt. He tries to pull her closer but the little bumb in between them won't let him.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, not making any move to let her go anytime soon.

"Shut up." She answers, which makes him laugh.

They stay like this for a few more minutes until one of Alex's hand finds his way from her hip to the bump in between them. Jo loses her grip around his neck a little without letting completely go, to look him in the eyes. She doesn't need to say anything, they both know exactly what the other one wants to say.

"I would really like to kiss you." Alex whisperes, afraid to scare her away by saying it to loud.

"Why aren't you." She smiles mischievously through her eyes, knowing exactly why he can't kiss her.

"You're wearing a mask." He answers, even though he knows she is playing with him.

"Well lucky you I'm vaccinated plus I got tested at the airport and brought this for you." She pulls a white bag out of her purse and hands it to Alex. "If it's negative you can take it off of me and kiss me." She smiles, as Alex grabs the Covid test and harshly unwraps it.

[specialagentlokitty]

Mark Sloan x reader - Open your eyes

how about mark sloan x reader where they get into a huge fight, and after a few hours the hospital gets a jane for and it takes everyone a lil to realize it’s the reader. you can make the ending as fluffy as you like. (or as angsty as you like. do what makes you happy ) - Anon❤️

You were pacing, anrgy beyond words, you had no clue what you were going to do.

“(Y/N)!” Mark declared happily, “you paged~”

The look you shot him made his smile fall a little, and he rose a brow in question, but didn’t get rid of the flirty, teasing look on his face.

“What the hell mark?!” You hissed.

“What?” He asked innocently.

Scowling, you crossed your arms and pointed to the surgical board outside.

“You rubbed out all my surgeries and replaced them with yours?!”

“My patients needed to be operated on as soon as possible, otherwise they’d be faced with permanent scarring.” He shrugged.

You gritted your teeth, angry tears burnt your eyes.

“And two of my patients died because of that Sloan! One had a ruptured aorta and the other died from heart failure because they didn’t get their surgeries! That’s on you!”

It was Marks turn to glare now, he shook his head and crossed his arms across his chest, lifting his chin just a little to make himself seem bigger.

“It’s not my fault that you didn’t get them into surgery quick enough.”

“There were no spaces until today and they weren’t top priority until today!”

“That’s not my fault.” He shrugged.

“So you’re saying it’s mine? Because YOU erased my surgeries and replaced them with yours?”

“Yes. You should’ve have operated on them earlier, even the worst of surgeons would know that.”

You marched up and punched him in the face, making him stumble back, hand flying up to cover his now bloody nose.

“I fucking hate you Mark Sloan!” You yelled storming out.

“You don’t mean that!” He called back.

You stormed out of the hospital and down the path, you weren’t sure where you were going but you just wanted out.

Mark on the other hand, found Cristina, Meredith, Derek and Owen, all who seemed amused at his situation.

“What happened to you?” Derek asked, leading him to a truma room.

“(Y/N)...” mark grumbled.

Behind him, he could hear Cristina whistle, clearly impressed with what you’d done and rolled his eyes.

“What’d you do this time?” Meredith asked.

Mark knew what she meant, he always seemed to piss you off one way or another.

“I swapped her surgeries with mine without telling her because mine were more important.”

Owen whistled, shaking his head in disappointment.

“That’s too far.” He said.

“Hunts right, you went too far this time.” Derek agreed.

“Look, they were just quick surgeries, not even that long!”

“But you know she hates people rearranging her schedule.” Derek sighed.

Mark said nothing, simply wincing as Derek finished cleaning his nose.

“Where’d (Y/N) go?” Cristina asked.

“She stormed off, god knows where. She’s such a child.”

“You love her though.” Derek smirked.

“I do not! I’d never love her!”

“So if she got into an accident or something you wouldn’t care?” Meredith asked.

“Nope.” Mark said, popping the ‘p’.

With that he jumped from the table and left the room, heading back to what he was originally doing before you paged him.

Two hours slipped by and people were getting worried they because they hadn’t seen you, but a road collision between two cars and a bystander walking across the road made him shove that idea to the back of his mind.

Work.

Then you.

“Mark can you see to Jane Doe? She was trapped between both cars, she took massive blunt force all over, truma room 3.” Owen rambled before rushing away.

Mark headed to the room, Bailey, Cristina, Meredith, Alex and Derek were all in there doing different task.

He examined her, taking in her swollen, bloodied face, she was bleeding from all over, and she was missing a huge chunk of skin from her arm.

“She’ll need a skin graft, I’ll take a bit from her leg to cover that with.”

Mark begun to gently press her abdomen, gently shushing her when she whimpered.

“She needs an OR, now, she’s got internal bleeding.”

No one wasted any time rushing her to OR, while bailey and Meredith worked on the bleeding and trying to fix it, Mark worked on grafting skin from the leg into her arm.

“She’s crashing!” Alex yelled.

Everyone started to work on keeping her alive, and after nearly 5 minutes they got her heart working again.

As Mark was quick to graft the skin onto her arm, and shortly after they had found the source of the bleeding and closed it up.

“She might wake up anywhere between a few hours and a few days, she might now wake up at all. We’re just waiting on her CT results to check for any brain damage.” Derek sighed.

They all stood around the bed, they still had no identification for this woman and you were still missing.

“Call (Y/N).” Bailey snapped at Mark, “get her back here.”

Mark rose his hands in defence and stepped out of the room, dialling your number, he waited while it rang, and from the nurses station he could hear a phone buzzing.

When he hung up it stopped.

“Little Grey.” He demanded as Lexie walked past, “go stand by the nurses station.”

“Uhm... okay?”

“Mark, what’s wrong?” Derek asked.

The group all stood there looking at him, and he raised a finger signalling them to wait, and called your number again.

Once again the phone started to ring, and Lexie picked up a small back with items in it. There was your flashing phone, screen absolutely shattered.

“Why would (Y/N)’s phone be in there?” Alex asked.

There was a silence all around, and Meredith paled in realisation.

“I think (Y/N) is Jane Doe...” she breathed, “they found that stuff in her pocket...”

Everyone turned back to the bed where the Jane Doe had be laid down, and Mark refused to believe it.

“It’s not her, it’s not (Y/N) it can’t be. Maybe she just dropped her phone.”

Derek places a hand on his best friends and pat it a few times.

“Is there anything we could use to see if it was her?”

Mark thought carefully, then nodded and walked over to the bed. Pulling out a small torch.

“She had hetrochroma, and eye mutation. Her eyes as two colours (E/C) and (E/C) around her iris.”

He carefully opened one eyes, and flashed the torch on it briefly for a better look.

The torch fell out of his hand, and that confirmed his worst fears.

“It’s her...” he whispered, “it’s (Y/N)...”

Mark just stood, staring down at your battered body. Guilt washed over him and he blamed himself.

“If I hadn’t have changed her schedule she would have got mad... she wouldn’t have left... she.. she wouldn’t..”

Derek quietly shooed everyone away and slipped in, closing the door and the blinds to give the privacy.

He walked over and squeezed Marks shoulder a little.

“I said I wouldn’t care if she got in an accident...”

“You didn’t mean it, we know that.” Derek said softly.

Mark connected eyes with Derek, his own teary, glasses over with unshed tears.

“I love her Derek... I can’t loose her...”

Derek pulled Mark in for a hug, letting him cry into his shoulder. It wasn’t like Mark to cry, Derek had never seen Mark cry, at least not since they were kids.

“Stay with her.”

Mark nodded and pulled away, he pulled up a chair and sat in it, taking your hand in his, paying no mind to Derek leaving the room. His eyes were glued solely on you, and your monitor.

Minutes turnt to hours, hours to days and eventually days into weeks.

Every day Mark went to see you, sometimes he’d sleep in the chair beside your bed, but as you’re physical state improved he started to sleep on the bed with you.

Everyone watched as Mark laid on his side on your bed, his hand playing some strands of your hair as he just watched you.

“If she doesn’t wake up it’ll break him.” Lexie sighed.

“He’s never really had anything to lose, not until now.” Derek explained, “she’s everything to him.”

The only comfort Mark got was the steady rise and fall of your chest, and the steady beeping of the monitor, but it wasn’t enough. He needed more, he needed you to wake up.

“Please don’t die...” he whispered, “I’m so sorry..”

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Cristina Scabbia x Diablo: Inside metal and gaming’s most devilish crossover yet

Outstanding hack-and-slash remaster Diablo II: Resurrected isn’t just about polishing up the beloved original’s relentless fire and brimstone. In a striking collaboration with Lacuna Coil songstress Cristina Scabbia and bizarro YouTube star Mark The Hammer, it’s inspired the latest crossover between video games and heavy music, too…

When Cristina Scabbia first picked up the joypad, she had no idea she was steering herself onto a path that would still be throwing up juicy side-missions three decades down the line. A young teenager in northern Italy during the mid-’80s first generation video game boom, the future Lacuna Coil frontwoman didn’t have the spare cash for the cutting-edge equipment of the time, whose 128-colour palettes and blocky two-dimensional sprites felt utterly futuristic. When a local friend powered up David Crane’s 1982 masterpiece Pitfall! on their Atari 2600, however, it opened the doors to another world.

“I’ve been a gamer for quite a while,” her eyes light up at the memory. ​“I love video games. I love what you can learn from them. I love the stories they tell…”

Few games are as darkly compelling as Blizzard Entertainment’s legendary Diablo series. Bringing to life the dark fantasy realm of Sanctuary – a midpoint between the High Heavens and Burning Hells – its trio of classic titles chronicle the eternal conflict between mankind and the demonic legions led by Diablo, fearsome Destroyer Of Souls. When David Brevik’s original landed in 1996, it was a literal game-changer for the industry, raising the bar in terms of depth and detail, storytelling and character-building. 2000’s Diablo II raised it again, still revered by hardcore gamers as the greatest action-RPG of all, while 2012’s Diablo III brought the franchise into the modern era.

Fittingly, it’s against that shadowy backdrop that Cristina joins us today, to discuss Start Again, her musical collaboration with the minds behind thrilling 3D, HD remaster Diablo II: Resurrected.

Speaking from her high-backed gaming chair in front of an impressive PC set-up this morning, she looks ready for battle. A laid-back, dressed-down counterpart to her imposing onstage alter-ego, she is surrounded by stacks of proudly-displayed paraphernalia, from a plushie of Gremlins’ Gizmo and photos of her band, to figurines of her favourite virtual characters, spare controllers, and the ubiquitous energy drink refrigerator.

Anyone familiar with Cristina’s Twitch streams wondering if this might be a carefully-arranged studio space should think again. ​“It’s actually part of my living room,” she laughs. ​“There’s this big table that was supposed to be for dinners with friends, but as we would go out to eat instead, I decided to use it for something that I like, and filled it with computers, monitors and consoles.

“It’s where I play. It’s where I stream from. It’s the safe space.”

Diablo’s heroes work best when joining forces, and 30 minutes further north, in the town of Saronno, we meet Marco Arata – AKA YouTube sensation Mark The Hammer – Cristina’s collaborator on Start Again, and a playful like mind. ​“I was three years old when I first played on a Game Boy,” he smiles into the light of a bank of monitors, ​“and I never stopped.”

For readers not in the know, Mark is the uber-talented multi-instrumentalist who’s gained a reputation for uploading incisive, tongue-in-cheek videos to YouTube like Irritating Guitar Lessons and How To Create A Black Metal Song… Without Any Talent. Learning piano aged eight, he quickly graduated to electric guitar, bass and drums. He’s since been picked up as the live guitarist/keyboardist for Italian pop-hip-hop icon J‑Ax. The main Mark The Hammer YouTube channel has more than half a million subscribers, while its English-language alternative boasts close to 100,000.

Both accomplished, analytical, artistic minds, it feels key to Start Again’s success that the duo see gaming as a chance to switch off – less interested in graphics and game engines than narrative drive and world-building.

“Whenever you listen to a song as a musician, you have your brain working, thinking about what exactly is going on,” explains Mark. ​“I’m a big fan of acting and drama, too, and the same thing applies when you watch a movie. But when you pick up that game pad, you’re able to relax and [switch that part of your brain off]. It’s the only thing in my life that I can really say is completely relaxing.”

“I know that some people prefer creating groups or being part of a competition,” agrees Cristina, noting that Diablo, in particular, fits her play style ​“but I’m more of a selfish, solitary player. I don’t want to feel that competition while I play. I want to be able to relax and do things at my own pace, to have my own rhythm. I don’t necessarily think of games as an escape. For me, it’s a different world that I want to be part of, [parallel to] the real world. It’s not that I want to [run away and] live in the video game world. But when I’m playing, I want to stay there, I want to focus on what’s happening – I want to absorb all the vibes. It’s not just something that you’re watching: you’re part of it. You can choose your character. You can increase your power. You can pick your path and select your sides.

“There are things about this world that non-gamers could never really understand…”

Like all the best quests, it began with a message from out of the blue. Mark recalls the sense of absurdity, watching an email drop into his inbox that he couldn’t quite believe was real. “I remember opening the message and seeing that it was an opportunity to write [a song inspired by Diablo II] for the release of Diablo II: Resurrected. Oh, yeah, and you’ll have Cristina Scabbia from Lacuna Coil doing vocals. I was just like ‘What?!’”

Having dropped video game soundtrack cover albums Hammer Games Vols 1 and 0 in 2015 and 2016 respectively, Mark had pedigree in the field, but he struggled to comprehend the opportunity for such a high-profile collaboration.

“This is the game that I bought as a 14-year-old when it first came out back in the year 2000,” he fishes out his original CD-ROM jewel case for an unsubtle flex, ​“and you’re asking me to write an official song to go with it? That in itself is mind-blowing. But to be able to do that with the greatest singer in Italian metal?! I thought it was some sort of strange spam at first. When I realised that it wasn’t, it became amazing on so many levels.”

Not a huge fan of YouTube (nor, presumably, of the hack-and-slash sub-genre), Cristina’s manager didn’t quite know what to make of the invitation. Fortunately, having followed one of Lacuna Coil’s old guitarists through a laptop screen and into Sanctuary all those years ago, and already a fan of Mark’s videos, she didn’t take much convincing.

“I was just like, ​‘Mark The Hammer? I follow him!’” she grins. ​“Then, when they told me the project was to write a song for Diablo II: Resurrected, I immediately said yes. If you look back at interviews that I did years ago, whenever they asked me what dream I had or what is missing from my body of work, I’ve always said that I’d like to write something for a video game. When this came along, it was like, ​‘Hello…’”

Cristina admits that she struggled with writer’s block over lockdown. Having watched her native Italy become one of the first countries crippled by the spread of COVID-19, she was unwilling to create music with the power to transport her back to those most troubled of times. Compared to the glacial pace of the music industry over the last 18 months, however, dropping in at crunch time in a massive game’s release schedule came as an invigorating change of pace. The first message exchanged between Cristina and Mark was on August 23, with the song due online to coincide with Diablo II: Resurrected’s launch exactly a month later.

“When you have a deadline, it can either throw you down or really speed everything up and add an excitement,” Cristina muses. ​“For us, it was definitely the latter. We were perhaps a little bit tense about not knowing each other. Any time you’re working with someone new, you ask yourself these questions: ​‘Is he going to be nice? Is he going to be an asshole? Is he going to have the same ideas that I have? The same creativity? The same speed?’

“As soon as we started to text, though, I realised that Mark was really relaxed, really funny. He’s like me. We would send and receive messages in the middle of the night, and get immediate replies. It was like we’d opened the floodgates on an ocean of ideas.”

A high level of fandom was pivotal. Diablo’s angels and monsters – Greater and Lesser Evils – seem like characters lifted from metal album covers to begin with, and the chaotic action that spills from the streets of Tristram and the slopes of Mount Arreat that go down into the depths of Hell could hardly be better suited to metalheads who’re never happier than when throwing down in the pit. Cristina and Mark’s preferred player classes – Sorceress and Barbarian, respectively – even mirror their onstage personas. To simply phone in the sort of crowd-pleasing banger either of these musicians could write in their sleep would be to do the project a deep disservice.

Cristina reckons that if Diablo were a band, it would be either Judas Priest – all OTT outfits, pointy edges and demonic imagery – or Rammstein, spewing sheer pyrotechnic bombast. Mark contends that the larger-than-life, battle-obsessed aesthetic of Iron Maiden might be a better match, pointing out that many of the most monstrous iterations of Ed The Head wouldn’t look out of place in its deepest dungeons. We’d argue that the ominous, folky atmospherics of peak Opeth even more closely evoke the playing experience, echoing Matt Uleman’s iconic original score.

In the same way that Diablo II: Resurrected marks an upgrade for players in 2021 while maintaining the original’s dark heart – dynamic lighting, three-dimensional rendering and high-definition presentation bringing the action sharply up to date – this song needed to pay respect while still packing enough heft to make an impact on metal fans in 2021.

“Diablo is such an iconic game,” nods Mark. ​“I knew the original score. I knew the original atmosphere. I knew where it had to go, more or less. But it was a challenge to make something new while paying respect to the original. There were parts where I wasn’t sure where I was going, but as soon as Cristina got really into the project and added her vocals, it felt like everything [clicked].”

“Mark’s involvement was crucial,” Cristina presses. ​“Looking at that original soundtrack, I was thinking, ​‘This is such a classic – it’s so iconic – but it’s not singable.’ It felt like putting a voice over the top would ruin it. But as soon as I heard the music that Mark had written, it changed everything. He made it singable. He created so many different parts, that offered so many different scenes, so many different moods. There are atmospheric parts, but there are also heavier parts. It’s like a journey, from beginning to end…”

Part sweeping re-score, part fan’s perspective love letter, part limb-swinging metal banger, the finished track feels like a striking bridge between worlds. Is the aim for fans who’ve yet to discover the pleasures of metal or gaming to be able to walk across it?

“The worlds of metal and gaming have always been strongly connected,” reckons Cristina, highlighting the fact that they’re both tightly-knit outsider communities fascinated by the dark and fantastical, which can appear intimidating to outsiders looking in. Although she and Mark will happily welcome new fans, the main priority was to write a great song, hopefully tightening the bond between communities that already exists. ​“It’s a lifestyle,” she gestures. ​“If you see a metalhead, there’s a strong chance you’ll be able to talk about games – or vice-versa.”

Indeed, the lines have increasingly blurred over the last couple of decades. Countless rockers found their way into the world via the legendary Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater soundtracks. The Guitar Hero franchise brought songs as unusual DragonForce​’s Through The Fire And The Flames, Lamb Of God​’s Laid To Rest and Slayer​’s Raining Blood – not to forget Lacuna Coil’s Closer – into the non-metalhead sphere. Celebrities as high profile as Tenacious D​’s Jack Black have spearheaded their own digital-metal crossovers, while Avenged Sevenfold​’s M. Shadows cropped up as a playable character in Call Of Duty: Black Ops 4. Gamers have even increasingly taken to wearing branded T‑shirts a la those of their favourite bands, enabling them to recognise each other on the street.

On the other side of the coin, bleeding-edge artists like The Armed, Refused and Run The Jewels have recently been inspired to write specifically for games. Svalbard​’s Serena Cherry just started a one-woman black metal side-project called Noctule, dedicated to her favourite epic RPG. Hell, Cristina even tells us that pounding compositions by djent-influenced video game soundtrack maestro Mick Gordon are amongst the most listened on her personal playlist.

It’s down to a change in perspective, Cristina reckons, where intelligent eye for detail is now considered every bit as cool as a debauched hell-raiser attitude. Games’ intricate storytelling and epic design are recognised as on par with the finest parts of cinema, and e‑sports competitions regularly boast larger prize pots than those of their athletic counterparts.

“I was always part of the nerd world,” she says, with more than a hint of vindication. ​“A few years ago, it felt like it was almost something to be ashamed of to admit that you’re a nerd, as if you had this weird, ridiculous aura. But now, everybody – all these people who were never interested – seem to want to be involved in this world. I [sometimes think], ​‘Nah, you need to prove you’re really into it…’”

She’s not kidding. As if that massive cache of gaming equipment – from the original PlayStation to countless Game Boys and computer components – wasn’t proof enough, Cristina has even appeared as playable character The Shadow Sorceress in Iron Maiden’s ever-evolving Legacy Of The Beast mobile game. ​“It was such an honour, such a pleasure to create my own character and give all the directions for the outfit, which was basically the outfit I was wearing on the last Lacuna Coil tour before lockdown,” she grins.

Going even geekier, Lacuna Coil also just launched their own Horns Up tabletop card game, where players must fight their way to the front of the stage. ​“It’s something we’re all really interested in, but particularly our bassist Maki [Coti Zelati],” Cristina continues. ​“Every card is related to metal clichés. We even gave our fans the opportunity to see themselves on one of the cards…”

Although Lacuna Coil maintained their high-drama presence with September 2020’s Black Anima: Live From The Apocalypse stream and June 2021’s live album of the same name, Cristina was keen to use the time off to introduce fans to her character away from the band, emboldened to set up her own channel on Twitch.

“I just wanted to learn new things which could enrich my baggage of knowledge,” she enthuses. ​“I’m already singing, already writing, but I don’t want to fixate on those. Life is made up of so many different things that can enrich my music and my creativity. I was already a Twitch user, watching other people play games, but I didn’t know what my purpose was. I almost felt scared at first. I am a singer. I am somehow an entertainer. I like to talk, which is clear. But it’s different when you’re talking to a lot of people for a couple of hours – or more!

“Eventually, I decided to keep it as informal as I could so that people could see how Cristina is at home. Cristina isn’t just the singer of Lacuna Coil: I have a house, I have a life, I have passions, I have my own personality. I just wanted people to discover that. Luckily they also like this quirky side of me, which feels like the opposite that dark goth lady that so many people know. As much as I didn’t have purpose in the beginning, there’s now such a strong community every time I go online – such a clean place to exchange good vibes!”

Even the persistent undertones of sexism and misogyny that have plagued gaming, she pushes, are a speed bump to be put in the rearview, comparable to what she experienced when first making her name in heavy music.

“In metal, I encountered the same problem,” she explains, bluntly. “[Women becoming a major presence in the community] was something new, and when something is new, people have suspicions and doubts. They don’t know how to deal with it. But there are a lot of female gamers now, and a lot of females in metal. It’s been normalised, which it should be, because games and metal are for everyone.”

As the world comes back up to speed, hectic schedules mean that attention is turning away from screens, and back towards studio and stage. Mark is churning out more and more top-class YouTube content. Cristina has a packed diary, with a tribute concert for late collaborator Franco Battiato at the spectacular Arena di Verona this week, and another secretive collaboration in the works, not to mention writing for Lacuna Coil’s 10th LP, which has just begun – her creative fires reignited by bringing Start Again to life.

Having dipped toes in the video game world, though, they’re both keen to return.

“I really hope we do,” Cristina says. ​“As a fan of video games, it’s such a great chance to bring together these different passions in your life. There are so many different things I’d like to do, and places I’d like to explore in this world, but time is limited!”

“I loved the challenge here, and the process of collaboration,” nods Mark. ​“If we could work together again when it comes time to make Diablo IV, that would be amazing. I’d love the opportunity to have my own playable character in an Iron Maiden video game, too, but I’m not sure that’s achievable!”

“I thought the same thing,” grins Cristina, ever adventurous, as we wave farewell. ​“Never say never!”

Diablo II: Resurrected is out now on Nintendo Switch, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox X/S and PC.

[anarmorofwords]

I think I’m only protective against people against platonic fairstairs (romantic fairstairs can like not) because…I get the feeling that idk; sometimes Matthew is the only merry thief the fandom at large doesn’t want to grow beyond their small circle of friendship, like he’s friends with Anna but like him and Cordelia being friends is good for him, I think? Good for Cordelia too. I think, at least. They like a lot of the same stuff, they have been nothing but warm to each other, and they honestly enjoy each other’s company? I really don’t think Matthew had any ulterior motives in befriending her other than he thought she was nice (him expressing “love” for her in the romantic sense feels like the biggest comphet “I feel a way for you and I am a guy and you are a girl, I should feel romantic for you” and “I want to emotionally hurt myself” which aren’t really actual romantic feelings), they spent time together (the road trip was cute and one of the rare moments that I felt “oh these two are actually allowing themselves to enjoy something good for them” before Lilith ruined it), he came out to her! Something he seemed actually very scared to do! I even think him telling her what he did isn’t even that bad because he spilled it to try and make her feel better (even if it’s not I would have done in the slightest) because he honestly does value her as a friend, and wants her to feel better even if the only way he can think to do that is “you can’t be a monster, I know a monsters and I am one.” Matthew doesn’t have to put on an act for Cordelia because Cordelia DOENST know him as well and know what he used to be like, Matthew doesn’t put Cordelia’s hero complex on edge because he’s also a natural care taker mom friend so he also doesn’t give off “I need to save him energy, or I need to do this myself, because he’s ready to give her his everything already and without conditions so like it’s complementary.

Oh and I think there is a another reason they bonded: Grace.

Grace basically is the driving force in at least the main plot of the books so far that’s moved Cordelia and Matthew from their main friendships, with Lucie and James, in a way. Lucie because she’s helping Grace, Cordelia’s assumed love rival, which must sting even if Cordelia doesn’t have the full story to why she’s helping grace but from Cordelia’s side she’s seeing her best friend and the man she loves pick grace over her and that sucks, then you have Matthew who is trying to slowly bring UO to James that Grace isn’t worth it and getting screamed at over it. Basically, both of them are kind of “left behind” and they formed a friendship from that general state of just being the only ones left to pair up like the two kids without partners for a school project who end up liking each other and staying friends but wouldn’t have become friends if they hadn’t had this series of events leading them together.

They are fine as friends, love triangle bullshit is dumb, should have just been the tlh version of Emma and Cristina is my ending point sorry for annoying you with a thesis called “platonic fairstairs made total sense, cc is just too romance minded to not fuck it up and I don’t blame people for rejecting romantic fairstairs but to say their friendship is fake or came out of nowhere is a little bit of a stretch for me personally.”

hi anon!!

i feel you and I'm with you!! I hate romantic Fairstairs, but platonic?! I love that relationship.

That's frustrating, true, but it's as simple as people hate Matthew and therefore don't want him associated with the characters they like, or even worse, accept that he could be an important part of their lives, and will do all sorts of mental gymnastics to discredit their friendship.

Anna and Matthew are a whole other topic, but from what I remember, it's only said that they're close, and we barely see that relationship. Plus I personally don't like Anna, so I like him being friends with someone else. I love TMT - hope they can work out their issues ofc - but they all can and should have friends outside of that.

Oh absolutely! I think their relationship is awesome! They have great banter and are comfortable around each other, and caring and they pay attention to each other. Matthew never took advantage of her, genuinely cares about her as a friend, and did that even before he was "in love", and he was nothing but respectful and clear about his feelings. He said he'd respect her boundaries in Paris, too.

I know some people will try their best to ignore the good things about him and that relationship, but Matthew was the only one that was there for her throughout all the mess with James and other things. (just so we're clear, it's on no way am attempt at shitting on Alastair; he was there for her all their lives and he's trying his best and I love him; also, Cordelia herself didn't give him a chance to help in this case; but I'm just stating a fact)

He was a steady friend who supported her all the time - made her laugh, cheered her up. Remember how free she felt during their little trip? Matthew gave her a chance to feel carefree and reckless for a moment, something her golden child syndrome and lonely upbringing with Elias didn't allow much of. James (tho it's not his fault) only stressed her out and she was suffocating in that relationship, while Matthew let her breathe more freely. Overlooking that just because you hate him is,,,, a choice.

Even the scene after Elias's death - it wasn't Matthew's intention to be insensitive about it (was he, actually? it did make her feel better, so I'm not sure what to think) He attempted to cheer her up, and then the monster thing was also supposed to do that. And perhaps it wasn't the best way of doing so, but that's not his fault. He didn't make it about him - he just tried to help the way he thought would be best. I saw people say that trying to relate to someone else's problems is a thing many ND people do as means of showing support, and Matthew is sometimes suggested to be ADHD, sooo

You're right, they seem to work well together and not make their respective "fatal flaws" worse.

And Matthew is more relaxed around her, but also more open and vulnerable - as you say, he doesn't need to pretend so much, doesn't need to put on a show.

That's a very interesting point about Grace, and you're totally right! I think Matthew is even aware of that - he kinda feels like both him and Cordelia were abandoned by James and wants to somehow make up for it to her, but also is looking for a friend himself, for someone to support and see him. They're both losing James to Grace, and can bond over that.

The little kids in a group metaphor is beautiful, thanks dear.

yes yes yes

yes

i still remember how my heart raced when Matthew told her that their group was missing something - and it was her. It seemed like a start of such a beautiful friendship, and I'm starving for m/f friendships. But alas, CC can't write those :'))

so yes, thank you, I agree, and you don't annoy me at all!! feel free to send whatever thesis you wanna share <3

[jobrookekarev]

He's Wrapped Around Her Finger

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3500

Summary: While Jo’s sleeping Alex gets to know his newborn daughter and settles into the role of Dad.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev, and Meredith Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Babies, Baby Care, Fluff, It’s so fluffy I'm going to die, Alex being a Dad, Alex and Jo being smitten with their daughter, Blood Mentioned.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: 3 fanfics in a week who is she! Also I had to Google what color the indicator line on diapers were because I remembered it was yellow at the start, but I didn't remember what color it would turn when it was wet so that how long it’s been since I changed a diaper.

……………………………………………………………………

“Helena Meredith Karev born on November 26th at 5:36 am at 21 inches long and weighing at 8 lb 15 oz., just 1 oz short of 9 lb,” Alex announced as he spoke to Meredith on the phone.

“1 oz. short of 9 lb wow,” Meredith said in astonishment. “How's Jo recovering?”

“She's doing good. She and the baby are asleep right now.”

Alex looks over at the bassinet that was parked next to Jo's bed. Jo slept on her side with one hand in the bassinet on their daughter's chest. Jo’s abandonment issues had come up earlier and Alex noticed she was having a hard time letting Helena out of her sight. Her hand on Helena's chest in the bassinet was how Jo maintained contact with her daughter while getting some much needed rest.

“Good, now promise me you'll never tell Jo that her daughter almost weighed 9 lb. at birth,” Meredith insisted with a little laugh.

“What? Why not?” Alex said confused as he looked over the little note card posted on  Helena's bassinet that listed her weight and other details. “Jo knows how much she weighs.”

“Yeah, Jo knows Helena weighs 8 lb. and 15 oz., but when you say she almost weighs 9 lb it isn’t the same thing. Thinking of your baby as 8 lb vs 9 lb is different. No woman likes to be remembered how big their baby was and how hard it was to push them out unless you want Helena to be an only child.”

“Okay, I promise to say she weighs 8 lb. and 14oz. whenever Jo asks,” Alex said rolling his eyes at Meredith as he watched Jo shift in her sleep so her legs were more apart.

Watching Jo be in excruciating amounts of pain as she labored was hard for him, but he pushed it aside to be there to support his wife. Jo’s pain was to the point of which she was completely out of it, just going through the motions as she pushed their daughter into the world. Alex had watched quite a few women give birth, but it was different because it was Jo. He loved her and he hated seeing her in pain knowing that he had partially caused it. 

When they had discussed having kids, Alex knew it would include a painful labor and that it would be hard on Jo and her body. Despite her training as an OB and numerous birth classes they had gone to, Jo didn't realize she was in labor until she was in active labor and they had to rush to the hospital. Alex knew that because of this experience Jo may not want to get pregnant again. If that was her decision, he would abide by it. Alex was happy because he was so absolutely content with the little girl in front of him. 

“Congratulations, Alex,” Meredith said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“You said that already,” Alex said although he didn't mind hearing it again.

“Yeah well, I'm going to say it again. Have you texted Cristina yet?”

“No, not yet and we haven't talked to too many people, apart from the video call earlier, I’ve just talked to you and my mom. It's hard to find the time. I just keep staring at her, and thank you Meredith for everything.”

“You mean for waking you up so you didn't miss your wife's labor, you're welcome.”

“Yeah that especially,” Alex said as he couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered the chaotic events of that morning. “I'll talk to you later, bye”

“Bye.” 

Alex put away his phone and settled into the uncomfortable chair next to Jo’s bed. He thought that they'd make these chairs more comfortable considering that most second parents and family members usually ended up spending the night there, but apparently not. He would have to check the budget and see if they could upgrade the chairs. Despite how he was no longer the chief of surgery, Alex learned a lot, and he still occasionally found himself reverting to taking care of the business side of the hospital. Alex shuffled around trying to get comfortable but clearly, he was not sleeping in this chair that afternoon.

Alex watched over his girl. He smiled at the thought, his girls, he had a daughter. He had a child of his own and oh how he was in love with her. Helena squealed in the bassinet throwing her arms around and Alex was up in an instant. Her tiny face squished even further as she let out a single cry. Jo stirred next to her and he felt like he was in the middle of a complicated surgery. 

Alex was quick to slip his hand under Helena as he took Jo's hand and put it next to her. He was cautious so as not to wake his sleeping wife and let her get the rest she deserved while also soothing their newborn. As soon as he put down Jo's hand and moved to cradle Helena, he stopped for a moment. Jo sighed but didn't move or wake up and he looked down at Helena who cried out again. Helena spread out her arms and continued to fuss. After a certain number of years, soothing babies became instinctual and Alex started to sway and shush. 

“Shh, Shh, it's okay, Daddy's got you.” Alex smiled down at her as she stopped fussing and opened her eyes to look up at him.

Helena studied him for a moment, staring into his soul in the way only a baby could before she decided this wasn't what she wanted, and cried out again in that little uh fussy cry. 

“Okay, okay,” Alex said, he looked back to the chair before he sat down and laid Helena on his knees. He undid the blanket intending to redo it into a proper swaddle. “Oh, I see what it is.” 

Alex saw the full diaper and the blue line that indicated she had her first wet diaper. He was weirdly proud about it especially as it meant that her kidneys were functioning well and she was hydrated. “Okay, give me a second.”

Alex cradled her close to his chest as he got up and walked over to the drawers where they kept wipes and diapers. He got the supplies and went over to the changing table in the bathroom. He propped the door open in case Jo woke up as he didn't want her to panic when they were gone and got the changing table open.

“You know, I promised your mom I’d do all of these diaper changes since she carried you for nine months, basically built you from scratch, and just now endured quite a few hours of labor with you. She wanted an epidural you know, but she didn’t realize she was in labor. You gotta remind me to tease her about that later, but not until after her stitches heal, and you were eager to get here too huh?” Alex said to Helena as she continued to fuss a little bit more as he quickly changed her and got her settled in a fresh diaper. 

Alex staring down at her as he pulled down the onesie Jo had put on her. He knew Jo like the ‘little turkey’ onesie, but it had buttons and buttons were always a struggle, even for a seasoned Ped’s doctor like he was. Alex resisted the urge to grab the other baby gown or even the one with the zippers as he finally did the last button. 

“There we go, are we happy now?” Alex asked, Helena looked around and was content and wiggled around. He wrapped her up into a proper swaddle before he picked her up again, but she looked up at him and then cried out again, still not happy. “I know, I am not-mom right now aren't I.”

Alex quietly talked to her as he settled her in his arms and walked back into the room. He sat down in the recliner and started to rock back and forth. “I'm not-Mom. I'm not what you want, I know, we don't know each other yet, although you might recognize my voice. I've read you lots of stories while you were still in your mommy's belly. I even did a little bit of singing too, but don't tell anyone around here that.” 

Alex settled into the movement of the chair as he looked down at Helena. She had stopped fussing and stared up at him again, seeming to take him in as she listened to his voice and he took that as a cue to continue. 

“I guess now would be the proper time for an introduction. I'm your dad, most people call me Alex or Dr. Karev around here at the hospital. Your mom calls me Alex too, but she drags it out a little in a way that's pretty adorable. Your Aunt Cristina is going to call me Evil Spawn and your Auntie Mare might do it too. You've met her already, although you probably didn't notice. She was on the video called when you were born, but I remember how you and your mom only had eyes for each other. Your mom and I, we don't have a big bio family, but we do have lots of friends and they're our family. They all love you so much already, especially your cousin Ellis.”

Alex rambled off to her as Helena just watched him, and he took in his daughter. He never really saw familiar features in newborns. They always just looked similar, like babies and not much else. The features really didn’t come in until they were a little older and then you could say they look like one parent or the other. Yet, as Alex looked down at Helena he saw his chin and his crooked lips in the way that she frowned as she cried. She looked like Jo too, she had Jo’s cute little cheeks and her eyes. Although she looked like an even mix of them now, he could tell that she was going to be a little tiny Jo running around their house. They joked about how they'd never be able to say no to their kid, and Alex knew that with just one look from Helena and he would melt like snow in the sun. His daughter would always be the bright spot in his day.

Helena's eyes started to droop, but she would occasionally blink them open. As if she was fighting sleep as much as Jo did. “You are already so much like your mother. She does that same thing too, you know. When we watch movies on the couch with Reese's, you haven't met him yet and he just knows you as the thing that keeps him from sitting on Mommy's lap. It might be a while before you two become friends, but you’ll like him too.” 

Alex rocked her as she fell asleep in his arms and it made him feel some weird sense of accomplishment because his kid fell asleep in his arms. He knew from experience that getting a baby back to sleep was no easy feat. He continued to hold her, not ready to put her back down again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to put her down and he knew why Jo was hesitant to do so as well. He just sat there and rocked his daughter and held her and patted her back. 

“Anyway, Saturday nights are movie nights and your Mommy always curls up in my lap and puts her head on my chest. She always says she'll stay up and watch the whole movie,” Alex said as he leaned closer to whisper to Helena. “But she never does.”

“That's not true,” Jo whispered and Alex looked up to see her smile from where she was curled up in bed. 

She must have been watching them for a little while and he smiled back at her. A sense of relief filled his mind as she had woken up without panicking for the first time and he tried to remain calm as he smiled back at her.

“It is true, you always fall asleep just, like clockwork before the end credits.”

“I didn't fall asleep when we watched that one really bad horror movie.” 

“Yeah because it scared the crap out of you. I had to turn it off because you started crying.” 

“No, we had to turn it off because Reeses wouldn't stop barking at it.”

“Okay Princess,” Alex said, smiling as she raised her eyebrows at him and he chuckled as he got up and walked over to sit on her bed. The second he sat down Jo reached out, and he thought she was going to take Helena, but instead, she smacked the side of his arm. “Hey, I've got precious cargo here.”

“She’s fine and you can't use our daughter as a shield to protect you against my wrath,” Jo teased with a smirk of her own. She carefully sat up and Alex's smile faded as she grimaced when she moved. 

“Is your ice pack still cold? Do you want me to get you a new one or something?”

“No, I think I bled through the pad again.” 

Jo pulled back the blankets and he was relieved to see that there were no bloodstains on the sheets. Jo carefully got up out of bed and Alex put Helena down in the bassinet. 

“No, just hold her, I’ll be fine,” Jo said, waving him off. 

“Jo, let me take care of you,” Alex insisted as he watched Helena for a second to see if she’d fuss before he went over to help his wife. 

Alex put his arm around her and grabbed the IV pole as they took small and wide steps over to the bathroom. Jo let go of his waist as she stepped into the bathroom and grabbed the peri bottle and her other supplies. Alex got out a new ice pad and activated it, shaking it up before he felt it cool in his hand. He handed it to her before she waved him off again. 

“Just let me help you, Jo. I know it hurts you to whip and…”

“Alex,” Jo said, slightly annoyed as she cut him off. “You can change our daughter's diapers, not mine. I got this.”

“Are you sure, because honestly, I don't mind,” Alex argued, he wasn't sure how much she would let him take care of her, but he wanted to do this for her. If she let them. 

“Alex, today multiple people, several of whom are my coworkers, have seen me naked on a bed pushing out a baby. I need a moment of privacy,” Jo said, holding her hand out to block him from coming close.

Alex nodded and took a step back. He made a big thing about covering his eyes and turned around to go back out into the room, bumping into the doorway as Jo laughed behind him. He smiled as it didn't hurt that much and hearing her laugh after her tears earlier felt good. Alex rubbed his forehead as he went back into the room and picked up Helena again, knowing Jo would want to hold her the second she was back in bed. 

Alex looked down at her and smiled, completely smitten. From the moment Jo told him she was pregnant, he was over the moon. He had seen how parents had fallen in love with their child and he felt that love the moment Jo was pregnant. The moment Carina had placed their daughter on Jo’s chest. It was like his heart burst with love and happiness. It was so overwhelming and utterly consuming. He loved his daughter more than he could describe. 

He had taken care of babies his entire life. His mom had started to slip just after Amber turned one so the majority of her care fell to him. He practically raised Amber and Aaron until they were all put in foster care. After Amber got sick and had to go to the hospital and the state finally stepped in. After that, he took care of his mom throughout high school and college up until the day he got the job and flew out to the then Seattle Grace Hospital. Even then he sent money and hired someone to check on her. When it came to his career, he wanted to go into plastics, but somehow he ended up in Peds and he was good there. 

He took care of thousands of babies over the years and in caring for them he loved them. Alex watched their parents love them more than anything in the world, and he got a bit of that love when it came to Meredith’s kids. They were his nieces and nephew and he loved them like they were his own because they were family, but he still didn't experience the kind of love a parent had for their child, until the moment his child was there. It was all he could think about. She was all-consuming in a way that he could just stare at her for hours.

It wasn't until he really succeeded at being a Peds doctor that he knew he could be a dad. Even though it still terrified him. Every injured kid that walked through the door he could see being his kid. He went home to Jo and put his hands on her belly and he worried. Alex worried about all the possible complications, diseases, and injuries that their kids could get. Even now staring down at her, he knew she was perfect. Her APGAR score was a 10, she had good reflexes, and she was eating and wetting her diapers, and she was perfect, but he still worried. He was so lost in thought that he even noticed Jo had come up behind him until she pressed up against him and they stared down at their daughter. 

“She's perfect, Alex,” Jo whispered to him, kissing his cheek. She had always been able to since his worries.

“Yeah, she is,” Alex said as he put his arm around her as they both stared at Helena completely in awe of their daughter.

Jo moved to get back in bed and Alex helped her up, despite how she protested. After she was settled, Alex placed Helena in her arms before Jo could even ask.

“Thank you,” Jo whispered, cradling her close. 

They both continued to stare down at her and Alex sat back down in the chair and scooted closer to their bedside. Helena’s little eyes fluttered open, but she didn't cry as she stared up at Jo who smiled down at her. Completely smitten as well. 

“Yeah, that’s Mommy isn’t it,” Alex said reaching out and putting his hand on Jo’s knee. Jo didn't even glance up at him, she just smiled down at Helena. 

In the past nine months, he had watched Jo go through so many emotions, as he watched her become a mother. Everything she did was to care for their daughter. He knew that Jo was terrified about becoming a mom when they first started talking about kids years ago. She knew the heartache of a bad childhood because she lived it. She was terrified of her genes and she wanted a career first so he waited patiently for her to be ready. 

Watching her with their daughter in just the past few hours Alex thought she was the best mom in the world, although he might be a little biased. Jo was so good with her, the second Helena fussed or cried, Jo would pick her up. She was so attentive to their daughter and so loving, Alex couldn't help but just watch them together. 

“Daddy is staring at us,” Jo giggled as she looked up and caught him.

 Alex smiled completely unashamed. “What can I say, I'm awestruck by the two beautiful girls in front of me, my girls.”

“Your girls,” Jo smiled before she realized something and giggled. “Alex Karev has a daughter.”

“Oh God,” Alex said, putting a hand over his face as he realized the karmic payback that was coming to him. 

“With your luck, she’ll probably be crazy for whatever gender she ends up liking,” Jo laughed putting her hand on his arm as the color drained from his face.

“No, no, she is a baby. We're not talking about this,” Alex said, shaking his head.

“She's not going to be a baby forever,” Jo said as she tilted her head and smiled at him, clearly enjoying torturing him.

“No, but she is a baby right now, a newborn and she's going to stay that way,” Alex said looking down at Helena and rubbing her little cheek.

Jo giggled again as she leaned forward and reached her hand out to wrap around his neck and pull in for a kiss. Alex let himself linger on Jo's lips as she smiled against his lips. Helena squealed and they parted with a laugh as they looked down at their daughter who stared up at Jo. Jo traced her finger down Helena’s cheek as she rocked her and Alex smiled at his girls. Yeah, this was perfect.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much did this turn you into a pile of mush?

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

I see that there’s nobody who has translated the joana clips so here you go :)

EXTRA CLIP 1

TUESDAY 11:15 H

[Joana text: Guess who’s]

J: I wanted to see you so bad! I wanted to see you so bad! So good, so good, so good. How are you, good?

C: What are you doing here? Did they discharge you?

J: Yes, this morning

C: And why didn’t you tell me?

J: Because it’s better this way, right? Right? So good, how beautiful! Beautiful. How are you?

C: Good

J: Yes?

C: Yes! And this?

J: I don’t know why

C: It appeared

J: It appeared. Do you like it? That’s it, finally!

[Hey, I’m Just Like You - Tegan and Sara]

J: Fuck. How I missed being here, dude. In the hospital I went from the sofa to the bed, from the bed to the sofa, from the sofa to the bed, and sometimes, I went a little crazy, to the patio. 

C: Wow. But, you are now here, with me.

J: Beautiful. I really missed you too.

C: Me too. Hey, you always wear it, right?

J: I don’t think I’ve ever taken it off since I got it as a gift, well, “as a gift”. 

C: What’s with that? It sounds like a story. What do you mean “as a gift”?

J: Let’s see… I was at a flea market with some friends and we were looking for, you know, bracelets, t-shirts, that sorta stuff, and suddenly they say me “come on, Joana, pick a necklace you like, we’ll buy it for you” And I was like “okay, great, that one”. And they said “no, no, ask for it, ask for it. When they [the sellers] gave it to me, they [the friends] took my hand, and started running.

C: No!

J: Yeah, I didn’t even realized until we were three blocks away or so

C: So you stole it

J: I didn’t steal anything. I didn’t…

C: You’re just another victim

J: I’m a victim. But… yeah. And also, they didn’t know, but I had just been diagnosed with BPD. And that day, in that moment, was the first time since they diagnosed me that I was happy. I was like, I don’t know, eager to have a good time and all.

C: So it’s a bit like a reminder that.... There’s always good moments in the end, or am I making it up? It’s cool. It’s cute. Can I borrow it?

J: Okay. What are you doing? Madam, what are you doing?

C: Like, the last time we were here you tried to give it to me.

J: And you gave it back, bitch

C: But now’s different, right? Like, if you want I give it back to you, that it was only to tell you that I’m gonna be with you, you know?

J: No, yes, yes. It looks better on you.

C: Okay

J: I love you a lot, dummy

C: I love you more

J: How cute is that necklace, who gave it to you?

C: My girlfriend gave it to me!

J: Your girlfriend? Well…

C: Did you see it?

J: She has a good taste

C: Yeah, in necklaces and in women

[Girl squad group chat:

N: Girl, they’re taking assistance

E: Fuck, the History teacher says Joserra is gonna call the parents

V: That’s bad luck]

C: Fucking shit, girl

J: What’s up? Well… Everything’s bad

C: Everything’s terrible, I’m gonna jump

J: No, no, no, no. Beers? If you jump there won’t be any beers. Beers?

C: Okay, yes, beers

J: Beers yes

C: Let’s drown my sorrows in alcohol

J: Let’s go for beers, let’s go for beers

C: My mother is gonna kill me girl

J: No, how many times have you ditched class?

C: A lot, that’s why

EXTRA CLIP 2

FRIDAY 17:02 H

C: Like, okay, you take assistance, of course, you wanna know who’s in class, but you don’t have to call my parents, fuck, like fucking Joserra. Does it make sense for you? Cause I don’t like what does he get with that? Nothing. Nothing, dude. 

J: Well, well. But, did she get very angry?

C: As always, like “Cristina, this is disappointing, you are throwing this year away, it’s a really important year, the cut score*, Selectividad**, bla bla bla”

J: I’m sorry

C: Hey, it’s cool, no? You could paint one here

J: A mural painting? I mean, it’s cool and all, but i’ve never done a mural painting.

C: Well, there’s always a first time for everything, no? You don’t lose anything for trying

J: I could try

C: Exactly

J: I could try

C: The thing is, now they have me really watched

J: Okay, so what?

C: So, I’m gonna have to study, like, for real

J: Okay, but… we are gonna still see each other or…

C: No, no, yes, like, yes, yes, of course. But, not like these past few days

J: Okay. Okay, I understand you, like, it makes sense, don’t worry about it. 

C: Yeah?

J: Uh-huh.

C: What’s up?

J: Nothing. Nothing.

C: Come on, tell me

J: I don’t know dude, just, maybe… I just came back, and yes, I saw everyone and all, but you are all studying, my parents are working all day, and I don’t know, I wake up in my house and I’m alone all the time and, like, I don’t have anything to do, you know? I don’t know, it’s like, I feel like all this time I was away, I just got stucked, and all of you had gone on with your lives, you know? And I feel a bit out of it. But I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. 

C: No, it doesn matter. I mean, it’s fucking rough, I’m not gonna lie to you. But, it won’t last forever. 

J: God, I hope not. Fuck.

C: If you want we can change places, cause I’ll be the one stuck, all day in the library. Yes?

J: That’s for being a loser, Cristina Soto

C: Hey! Only my mother and Joserra call me Cristina Soto, you still can’t, okay? No, really, look, how many days it will be like this? Not that much, only until EVAU*** is over, and then… I’ll be free. And that means, I’ll be completely yours. 

J: Okay, I see it. Do you promise me?

C: *in English* I promise, I promise, I promise…? *back to Spanish* I mean, it’s obvious I have to study English

J: Go and study!

C: I’m going

J: Go study!

C: Let me finish my bear cause

J: No, no, no, no, you’ll get even dumber, go study!

C: What was that???

J: Beautiful

C: Stupid

J: I love you

C: I love you too

J: Even if you’re stupid, I still love you

C: Hey!

J: No, no. I’m the best! Come on, open your mouth. God!

C: But you pointed it directly into my mouth! Are you ready?

J: Yes

C: With the pen. But?

J: I don’t like it, I don’t like it, it gives me…

C: Joana champion!

* There’s a “cut score” you have to get in Selectividad to get into a specific degree, it varies from university to university, and of course from degree to degree. The lowest cut score is a 5, the highest is a 13, 775 (physics with mathematics). The highest score you can get in Selectividad is a 14.

** The University entrance exams.

*** Another word for Selectividad.

EXTRA CLIP 3 

SATURDAY 22:04 H

[Text:

Mum: Where are you?

Joana: On my way]

[Cute Bitch - Rizha]

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X8

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I freakin’ loved this episode! It was so so good! Which surprised me considering what they focused on. Based on the promo I knew that this would be DeLuca’s goodbye episode and so I expected to like the other parts of the episode we were shown in the promo such as Hayes talking to Meredith at her bedside, Richard’s storyline, and Derek’s return. However, I was not expecting to enjoy any part of DeLuca’s farewell storyline and I was pleasantly surprised. I think that’s because they focused on the effects of grief and guilt and how everyone processes those emotions differently.

It was a really interesting character study on how each person feels a loss in their own way. Despite not liking the character I actually found DeLuca’s memorial service quite moving. I think it was because they found a creative way to do it and because funerals in the real world like we normally do aren't possible right now. My grandfather died last summer and while he didn’t want a funeral my family and I weren’t able to get together to mourn his loss as we usually would and that’s been hard.

I wasn’t particularly close with my grandfather, but the loss of traditional grieving rituals in this time of COVID-19 has been frustrating. I liked that they found a creative way to have the characters mourn the loss of a fellow staff member. I expected to see Carina more, but as I understand it her storyline played out more on Station 19 which makes sense. I felt like they did a good job of showing the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and how everyone experiences them differently.

Teddy and Owen displayed survivors' guilt and frustration that they did everything right and he still died. At the end we see Teddy in a catatonic state and it made me think that she might be sick with COVID herself or that there was something else wrong. While I've never been a Teddy and Owen shipper I did like the moment at the end where Owen noticed something was wrong and came over to her and told her that he would take her home and when she didn't respond he picked her up and carried her.

It reminded me of the Season 2 episode where Denny dies and Izzie refuses to leave his side so Alex picks her up and carries her over to a chair in her prom dress. Very different relationships, but a nice parallel in my opinion. This episode had a lot of those. Teddy seeing DeLuca in other people’s faces was freaky! I have to say that guy is way more interesting as a ghost then he ever was alive.  

I totally got Helm's reaction. I understand why she said and thought those horrible things about DeLuca. He was an ass for a really long time. I probably would have done the same thing myself, but that doesn't mean she wanted him dead. I thought what Maggie did for her was wonderful. My heart broke for Schmitt when he described his emotions. Richard was angry and Bailey went overboard trying to figure out what happened. Everyone's experience of a loss is different and I like that they showed that.

I’m glad that Richard told Bailey what she needed to hear. It was painful, but in trying to find an answer or a reason for what happened she was unintentionally hurting the people around her who were suffering too. The strength of Richard and Bailey's relationship is that they can tell each other the truth when no one else can or will. I loved his monologue to Catherine about trying to find a meaning in the puzzle of life and questioning his faith which is such a big part of his sobriety. James Pickens Jr. did a beautiful job in that scene.

Say what you want about Catherine, but I loved her response. Richard was trying to find meaning in the meaningless and in response she shared with him that her latest scans showed that the cancer hadn’t grown. Logically it should have, but it didn’t. Sometimes there are miracles and sometimes there are senseless deaths. Life is a puzzle. We don’t always understand it. That was exactly what Richard needed to hear in that moment.

On a more upbeat note, I loved the beach scenes this week! They were perfect! They were everything I dreamed of for my favourite characters and more! We got to see Derek and Meredith get closer and talk about the kids. When Meredith is heartbroken that Derek never got to meet Ellis or to know her he tells her all of these wonderful things about her. How she’s just like Meredith and makes it clear that he’s watching over them always.

He talks about Zola and how she writes to him in her journal and how Meredith taught her to ride a bike. I teared up! I've been waiting for them to discuss the kids and here it is! Hearing Derek talk about Ellis and knowing that he watches over Meredith and the kids was so emotional for me. I loved hearing him describe who she is and getting to learn more about her. I'm glad he encouraged her to go back. As much as Derek and Meredith miss each other she's needed back in the land of the living.

Her kids need her and so does everyone else. I loved Derek's gentle teasing. His facial expressions. And then there are her scenes with Hayes! God they were perfect! I've been waiting for this! I loved how Meredith kept joyfully asking him what he did to make Ellis smile so wide and laugh so loudly. She knows he can't hear her yet there she is dying to know what he said or did. The sound of her voice when she said that was everything for me. They already feel like a couple. So much in sync.

I love that Derek, who was shown to be extremely jealous in life, encouraged her to hear Hayes out. I really felt like he was giving her his blessing and the fact that they established that Hayes has met the kids virtually and they know who he is sealed the deal for me. Hayes has now received Cristina’s approval, Derek’s blessing, and is shown to have positive relationships with Meredith’s friends and family in Seattle. I loved that Hayes told Meredith to fight and talked about how her kids were doing and how everyone needs her.

I loved that he came and sat at her bedside and begged her to fight and not give up and that he talked to her even though he wasn’t sure if she could hear him. I love that he sat with her through the virtual memorial even though he wasn’t close to DeLuca and didn’t like him. The cheerful greeting and familiarity with which he greets Amelia and Zola and the stories he tells Meredith indicates that he’s been having regular video chats with Amelia, Maggie, Link, and the kids and that he’s chosen to stay by Meredith’s side when he just as easily could have left while she was on a call with her kids.  

It will also make the transition easier when do start dating because the kids will already know him. The music in this episode was really beautiful. Especially the songs that played during the beach scenes. I really enjoyed the drunken Link, Jo, and Jackson scene. I felt it brought much needed levity and humour to the episode the same way the beer scene with Jackson, Link, and Winston did in the previous episode. Their scenes were funny and raw and provided a good balance for the episode.

I also loved seeing more of Jo and Jackson's friends with benefits relationship and more of Jo and Link and Jackson and Link's friendship. I'd actually forgotten that Jackson and Link were friends so it was cool to see that dynamic again and that Link is supportive of their situation. The drinking game to me felt like a throwback to the Season 2 episode where Meredith and Cristina are at Joe’s Bar playing a game of whose life sucks the most and she tells them that Derek is married and Cristina tells her she’s pregnant. These revelations eventual lead to Cristina scheduling an abortion and declaring Meredith her person.

It was cool to see Maggie and Winston working together at Grey Sloan Memorial. Winston living in Boston was only going to go on for so long because as we've all found out this past year there's only so much you can do virtually. I knew he'd be moving to Seattle at some point and I'm glad to see him working at the hospital and hanging with Maggie's family. The scene where he danced it out with the kids was too cute! I'll be interested to see more of their dynamic moving forward as Maggie used to be his teacher and is now his boss. I'm also glad that both Winston and Hayes are finally getting the proper screen time they deserve.

Their storyline with the naked guy cracked me up! My two favourite lines of the episode were when the guy freaked out because he realized he wasn’t wearing his mask and Maggie said, “You’re not wearing much of anything.” And when Maggie and Winston went looking for him and Zander Perez, the resident from Pac North, told them, “If you’re looking for a naked guy he went that way.” I laughed so hard!

The scenes with Zola got me. She is a real trouper. She definitely is Meredith Grey's daughter through and through. I'm a big believer in found family and one of the things Grey's does really is show that there are many different ways to be a family and that family is what you make of it. True family is made up of the people who love and support you unconditionally not genetics. I really love that they've shown the strength of that bond between Zola and her family.

My favourite hidden moment of the episode was Tom! He appears in the background at DeLuca's memorial which means he's getting better. If he's well enough to be outside at the memorial then his condition has greatly improved since last we saw and that's great! Tom's a wonderfully complex character and I'm glad he's doing better. He appears in a bunch of deleted scenes that were released through the Grey’s Anatomy Twitter account which I highly recommend. The writing in this episode was excellent!

This episode was written by Adrian Wenner whose previous credits include the Season 16 episode ‘A Hard Pill to Swallow’ in which Meredith and Hayes work that vaping case together and get to know each for the first time. Honestly, my only complaint about this episode is that I wish they’d done it sooner! I wish they had bumped this and the previous episode up. The Mid-Season Finale felt very anti-climatic to me and was poorly received by a lot of fans. I wish they had just scrapped that episode or combined it with what we saw in the Mid-Season Premiere and then jumped into this episode after the break. But we’re here now and that’s the important thing.

Onto next week’s promo. Damn does it look interesting! We see that Owen has brought Teddy home and she’s not eating or speaking and he’s worried if her condition does not improve he’ll have to admit her. I’m sure he’s having flashbacks to when Cristina did the same thing after the plane crash. She appears to be experiencing some kind of nightmare sequence where she sees DeLuca as a ghost and Meredith speaks to her. Looks intense!

Until next time!