#i picked 'he seems like a dick but he's extra awkward in private with you

[aran-morinorea]

and of course now I've been thinking about A Major Diplomatic Incident a lot, so I wrote some more:

“I don’t even know if he has one, he’s just not very affectionate in general,” he explained. Tar-Glóriel was not dissuaded. “We can fix him,” he assured Elrond. “Maybe we can kidnap him! People are always more affectionate after some classic isolation treatment.” Elrond almost laughed. “I think Celebrimbor was saying to me not twenty minutes ago that you have been entirely forbidden from starting a war with Lindon. Is that not so?” At this, Celebrimbor could no longer restrain himself. He had to ask: “Wait, who - are you talking about Gil-Galad?” The judgement in his voice did not feel fair to Elrond, but he admitted it anyway, because Celebrimbor’s guess was, in fact, correct. Celebrimbor looked, in another perfect symmetry, exactly as baffled about the choices of Elrond’s heart as vice versa.

[eksvaized]

What if, in an alternate universe, instead of being battle-hardened men, TF141 was a famous band? I know it’s a silly thought, but I can’t get it out of my mind.

In my mind, Kyle would definitely be the lead vocalist, who once in a while picks up a guitar. Like, his charm is literally irresistible, and he has this unique quality of being able to carry even the most awkward interviews: he always has the perfect timing, knowing exactly when to joke, when to lightly shade other artists, and when to not-so subtly flirt with an attractive interviewer.

Unlike his bandmates, Kyle also tends to steer clear of trouble, avoiding the drama and controversy that so often follows other bands. His biggest scandal to date, if it can be considered one, was a rumour about his escapades during the band’s tour across America. He supposedly slept with 50 different women, each one from a different state.

And while it was indeed a big deal for such news to erupt within the music industry, it didn’t come as a complete surprise, given Kyle’s reputation as a notorious flirt.

Johnny — a bass player. No doubts about that. When he’s performing during concerts, he becomes a force of nature, a whirlwind of chaotic energy that doesn’t seem to understand the concept of slowing down or taking a break. He’s constantly on the move and bouncing around from one side to another. At times, he’ll dive off the stage to interact with fans, often leaving his signature on some over-excited female’s cleavage. Other times, he can be seen on his knees, utterly lost in the rhythm of the music, grinding to its beat with his eyes closed as if in a trance—this is the most calm he can be during a gig.

Apart from his musical talents and electric stage presence, Johnny has another talent - a knack for attracting attention, particularly from the media. His face graces the pages of magazines on a weekly basis—an occurrence that he insists is accidental rather than intentional. However, Johnny is notoriously outspoken—he has never been one to hold back his tongue or shy away from expressing his opinions, regardless of how they might be received. And so, while refreshing, his candidness often lands him in hot water, especially when his remarks come across as controversial.

Price, Price, Price. Definitely a band manager, and not because I think he couldn’t keep up with the guys. Oh no, that’s not it. It’s just that in my head, I can picture him standing in the unlit corner of the backstage, a lit cigar dangling between his fingers as he counts money. Every so often, he nonchalantly tucks some bills under his belt. He thinks he deserves some extra cash because, yet again, he had to clean up the mess that Johnny made.

What did Johnny do? Apparently, he decided to wear a kilt onstage. The choice of attire wasn’t the issue itself. The problem arose from his decision to go commando, wearing no briefs underneath. Price obviously had to execute some serious damage control and pay off literally everyone who came to see the band. Otherwise, the pictures of Johnny’s dick would have flooded the internet the second people left the venue.

And then there’s Riley, who dominates the drums. Like, just imagine him on the stage, drops of sweat forming on his furrowed brow as he immerses himself in the rhythm. His shirt is discarded, tossed aside as heat radiates off him in palpable waves, and his blond hair is in disheveled from the constant, frenzied head banging — literally every woman’s wet dream.

Sadly, even if you wanted to, you couldn’t stalk him on social media and drool over his shirtless pictures because all of his accounts are set to private. And because of how secretive he is about his personal life—unlike Kyle or Johnny, who don’t mind talking in interviews and sharing some details about what they get up to—the media has nicknamed Simon a Ghost.

Further contributing to his elusive image is a running joke among fans and media that the band doesn’t actually consist of three members, but is instead a duo of Kyle and Johnny. This is primarily because Simon seldom appears at public events. Even when a promotional interview is arranged for an upcoming tour or album, he tries to avoid attending by using every possible excuse, only to be eventually forced into it by Price.

What about you, though? Well, the answer to the question is obvious. You’re definitely a fan, but not the crazy stalker type. You just buy all their albums, follow them on every social media platform, and occasionally watch an interview or two, so you could gawk at how handsome all of them are.

So, when the news broke that they were having a concert in a city near you, you didn’t hesitate for a second. You purchased a ticket almost immediately, a thrill of anticipation coursing through you at the thought of watching them perform live. And the actual concert? It was the most fun you’d had in a long time. Even the fact that you went alone didn’t dampen your mood.

However, probably the part of the night that sent your heart racing, that made it beat the fastest, was an unexpected turn of events. You somehow, almost miraculously, managed to find yourself in the band’s tour bus. You were there, with Kyle’s hand lightly resting on your lower back, as he introduced you to the guys - Johnny, Price, and even Simon.

His exit left a strange silence, and your mind began to race; Price’s behavior seemed to confirm the rumors that had been circulating about Kyle might be true.

Price, to your surprise, did not seem taken aback by your arrival. He extended a hand towards you, the shake firm and lingering just a tad bit longer than necessary. His gaze then shifted over your shoulder, landing on Kyle and giving him a warning look before he excused himself to step outside.

Next, you were introduced to Johnny, whose demeanor was almost as tactile as Kyle’s, if not more so. He greeted you with a bear-like hug that almost crushed your ribs, squeezing the air out of your lungs. His wide grin was so broad it seemed almost idiotic. After releasing you from the embrace, Johnny leaned in close to Kyle, whispering something barely audible yet unmistakably complimentary, something that sounded suspiciously like ‘this one’s stunning’, before giving Kyle a hearty, brotherly clap on the back. You did your best to brush off Johnny’s remark, to dismiss it from your mind for fear of your face betraying your embarrassment by turning a bright shade of red.

Simon was sitting near the tiny window that allowed the soft glow of the moonlight to filter in. His long legs were spread wide in a display of relaxed confidence, and one arm was nonchalantly tossed over the leather couch’s backrest. He had yet to utter a single word. Which he did when Kyle mentioned you were here because you fancied a picture with them. This caught Simon’s attention.

At that point, the only thing keeping you standing straight was Kyle’s hand on your back. You knew, deep down, that you should decline this offer. Your mind was practically shouting at you to return to your rented motel room, reminding you of the early train you had to catch the following morning.

Simon turned to look at you, and you had no choice but to avert your gaze because it literally felt like he was undressing you with his eyes, as his lips curled into a sly, almost predatory smirk. “How about something better?” He suggested, his voice filled with a teasing lilt. “Have a drink with us.”

But how could you possibly refuse such an offer from your favourite band? Especially when you found yourself living the dream of every fan girl out there.

It was too tempting to resist.

[rubyreduji]

In Front of Chan and Everybody — ksy

summary: when you and you boyfriend started having sex, you didn’t expect him to be so shameless about it. it doesn’t seem like his roommates are too shameful either.

tags: smut (minors dni!) warnings: explicit sex, exhibition, soonyoung is a little shit, being walked in on, dirty talk, slight degration/name calling, praise, kitten used as pet name wc: 2.4k an: i wasn’t quite sure how to end this so sorry if the ending is awkward, i just wanted to get this idea out of my head lol

“S-soonyoung! Nngh~ please, faster,” you whine as Soonyoung thrusts up into you, spearing you onto his cock.

It’s not the first time you guys have had sex, but it is the first time you guys have had sex at Soonyoung’s place. Most of the time you guys have sex either at your apartment or in Soonyoung’s car. This time though you guys had just come back for a date and wanted to cuddle so you went up to Soonyoung’s room.

Cuddling with Soonyoung is rarely ever just cuddling though. Your boyfriend likes to get handsy and soon it leads to making out and heavy petting which leads to where you are now, bouncing on Soonyoung’s cock.

Soonyoung lets out a swear before he starts to rock up into you even faster, his feet planted on the bed to give him more leverage. You bless his dancer thighs for being able to keep up with your insatiable desires.

“So good Soonie, I’m so close.”

With that extra motivation Soonyoung’s hips seem to pick up even more pace which you didn’t think was possible. His fingers find your clit as he starts to rub at the bud, shooting pleasure through your body. You feel your pussy clenching down on Soonyoung’s cock as your orgasm hits. Right as you start to release Soonyoung’s door flings open and his youngest roommate, Lee Chan, walks into the room.

“Hyung! You have to see this dance I just choreographed!” Chan pays you no mind but you scream and try to move to cover yourself but Soonyoung stops you, his hips still plowing into yours.

“Yeah sure, what song is it?” Soonyoung doesn’t even bat an eye at his friend walking in you guys having sex. You’re starting to get overstimulated by his hips still rutting into yours.

“Cheating On You by Charlie Puth. I think I’m gonna have Seungkwan-hyung dance with me,” Chan says. You whine not only to remind the boys you are there but also because you’re getting really overstimulated.

Soonyoung pulls you off his cock but just shoves his fingers right into you afterwards. “That sounds great Channie. Just let me finish up here and I can watch okay?”

“You’re the best hyung!” With that Chan left the room, not even bothering to close the door.

Soonyoung’s fingers pick up their pace and soon you’re cumming again around his fingers. You whimper loudly as you do and Soonyoung is pulling his fingers out of you only to wipe them on his bedspread. He pulls the condom off his dick before he pumps himself a few times and releases his cum all over your stomach.

You’re panting loudly, still a bit thrown off by Chan barging in on you guys.

“You okay pretty girl?” Soonyoung asks as he wipes his cum off of you.

“Why didn’t you stop when Chan came in?” You ask curiously.

“I don’t know, I was really in the moment and didn’t want to stop. Did it bother you? I’m sorry I should have stopped and made him get out.”

“N-no, it’s okay.” You just know your face is bright red right now. “I uh, didn’t mind. It just shocked me.”

“Hmm, I’ll keep that in mind. I do like showing off my pretty little kitten.”

You’re not an exhibitionist. You don’t seek out having sex in front other other people and you actually prefer to have sex in private, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not okay with people seeing you having sex. If someone just happens to see, and it doesn’t seem to bother them, you don’t mind too much either. Which is a good trait for your boyfriend, who is an exhibitionist.

You figure this out the second time someone catches you having sex with your boyfriend in his apartment. You guys are lounging around his living room when he starts to kiss up your neck. His hands move down to the tops of your waistband and you grab his hands to stop him.

“Soonie, stop. Someone could see us.” You eyed the doors that belong to the bedrooms of the other roommates.

“Nobody’s even home, baby. And would it even be that bad if someone saw us?" He nips at your earlobe. “Would be kinda hot right? Someone seeing how you fully belong to me as I split you open on my cock. They’ll get to see how pretty you look when you take me so nicely.”

You whine and internaly curse the way his words affect you. You release Soonyoung’s hands, giving him permission to continue. You can feel your boyfriend’s lips curl up into a smirk as he moves his hands into your pants and past your already slightly damp panties. The pads of his fingertips rub at your bare pussy and you clench against nothing.

“So needy already kitten. Do you want me to fuck you like the pretty slut you are?”

You nod as you let out a small mewl. Soonyoung chuckles and starts to rub at your clit. You buck your hips into his hand and his other hand grabs at your hips to hold them steady. You’re quickly soaking your panties with your arousal as Soonyoung spreads it all around.

“Need more Soonyoung,” you moan out. “I need your dick.”

“Of course you do, this slutty little cunt needs to be fucked nice and good.”

Soonyoung is pulling his hand out of your pants and sliding the fabric down your legs. He doesn’t even bother taking off your panties as he just pushes them out of the way. He pulls his pants down until his cock is free and he rifles around in his pocket until he finds the little square packet he was searching for. Of course he keeps condoms on him. He rolls the rubber onto himself before he lines you up and thrusts up into you.

You moan as you feel the drag of Soonyoung’s dick as he starts to move inside of you. “Yeah you like that? Take it like the good kitten you are.”

Just as Soonyoung starts to pick up pace you hear a click, the tell tale sign of the front door opening. Like last time though, Soonyoung doesn’t let up his thrusting. You don’t even bother to try and stop him either as his hands snake up your shirt to grab at your tits.

When the door opens in walks all three of Soonyoung’s roommates who also happen to be his friends, and fellow dancers from his dance studio, Jun, Minghao, and Chan.

“Oh what’s this?” Minghao smirks at you two as you try not to make too much noise. “Soonyoung-hyung, you're so dirty, playing with your toy in the living room like this.”

“Couldn’t help myself,” Soonyoung grunts out, “she just takes me so well. Look at how her pussy sucks me in.” Soonyoung pulls your back against his chest and leans back so the other boys can look at where you and your boyfriend were connected. You squirm around as you feel the three pairs of eyes on you.

“Woah, she’s so wet!” Chan says.

“That’s how whores get,” Jun tells the younger boy. “They gush all over while being fucked stupid.” With that Jun sits down on the couch and pulls out his phone to start playing some phone game. The two other boys also sit down and Minghao reaches for the TV remote.

You don’t get how they can just act like nothing is happening right in front of them. You don’t know if it’s better or worse that they’re ignoring you and your boyfriend’s ministrations. The only noise that fills the room is the low playing TV and the slap of your skin against Soonyoung’s.

“Do you guys wanna get dinner after this?” Soonyoung asks the boys. Each of them let out their own hums of agreement. “Hear that kitten? We gotta hurry up here quickly.”

You only nod as Soonyoung thrusts into you faster. You can hear the squelch of your pussy as Chan laughs at something on the TV. Soon you’re coming undone on Soonyoung’s cock, pussy clenching around him, milking his cock dry.

You have to catch your breath when Soonyoung slows down and pulls you off of his lap. You slump into the couch as Soonyoung pulls off the condom and ties it off before standing up, stuffing his cock back into his jeans, and walking over to the kitchen to throw the used condom away. He washes his hands, acting like he didn’t just ruin your pussy in front of three of his friends.

“Are you guys done?” Jun asks, finally looking up from his phone. He glances at you, at your slick pussy and fucked out face, before turning his head towards Soonyoung.

“Yep! Lemme clean up baby girl and then we can go get food.” Soonyoung then grabs a clean rag from the kitchen and dampens it before coming up to you to clean you up. After he cleans you up he brings you a cup of water.

The boys are then all standing and Soonyoung helps you stand as well and you five are on your way to get dinner.

This continues on until it becomes more or less common in the Wen-Kwon-Xu-Lee household. There are times where Soonyoung doesn’t even bother closing the door when fucking you, letting his roommates take a good look or even strike up a conversation with him. It’s never awkward afterward and the boys still treat you normally so you don’t mind much. You have noticed that you and Soonyoung have sex at his apartment more often though.

He fingers you during dinner with all five of you. He kneads at your breasts as you guys are having a movie night. He even cockwarms you as you guys play board games.

Right now his face is buried in between your legs as he sloppily makes out with your sopping cunt. His roommates are in the room as well, of course. They’re discussing some kind of dance performance thing that you can’t totally focus on because Soonyoung’s tongue keeps slurping you up so well and you’re so close to cumming. His pointer and middle fingers are pressed against your clit as he teases it.

“I think that we should do Moonwalker, Hao thinks we should do Lilili Yabbay, and Jun thinks we should do Wave, what do you think hyung?” Chan asks the dance leader. Soonyoung holds up a finger to tell him to wait a moment.

Soonyoung thrusts his tongue into you deeper, dragging it against your walls. His hand reaches up to grab at your tits as he rolls your nipples between his fingers. This has you spasming against his face, your arousal gushing all over his tongue as he is quick to lick it all up. When he’s fully convinced you have calmed down from your orgasm he finally pulls his head away from your cunt and wipes your juices off his face with the back of your hand.

“We should do Highlight. It’s the best choice and we know it the best. I love the other songs too but I think for this specific show we should do Highlight,” Soonyoung tells the group. The boys agree with their leader and with everything settled he goes to grab you a rag and a new pair of panties.

Usually whenever the boys are there when you’re getting your brains fucked out, they talk to Soonyoung or say nothing at all. They don’t really comment on you or to you and you weren’t quite sure why. You didn’t mind much, you were normally too distracted to hold a conversation anyways.

That’s why you’re a bit surprised when Chan strikes up a conversation with you while Soonyoung pounds into you. He’s holding you up, fucking you against the wall as your legs are wrapped around him. His tip is bruising your cervix as he pants into your shoulder. Your hands are buried in his hair as your bare tits bounce around from his harsh thrusts.

“Y/N-noona?” He stands behind Soonyoung so you can see him over your boyfriend’s shoulder. He has a shy look on his face that is quite different from his normal demeanor.

“Y-yes Channie?” You ask, trying to stabilize your voice.

“You’re a girl, so I was just wondering how do you get a girl to like you? Or I guess how can you tell that she likes you back?”

“Just uh, be yourself. You’re a great guy Chan, nghhh~ super nice and respectful. If she doesn’t like y-you back that’s uh, oh fuck Soon, her problem.” Soonyoung seems to be drilling into you even harder as you talk to Chan, like he wants all of your attention on him instead. He probably does. “Just, oohh~ right there, please, need more, just a-ask her out.”

Chan’s brows furrow as he chews at his bottom lip. “But what if she says no?”

“Then that’s her l-loss. Fuck Soonyoung!” You grab at your boyfriend’s hair, tugging harshly as he bites down on your shoulder particularly hard.

“Well how do I ask a girl out? And what kind of date do I take her on if she does say yes?”

“Chan, can we maybe uh, aahhh, finish this conversation l-later?” Your breath is whiny now as you can feel yourself about to cum. “Give us like, t-two more m-minutes.” 

“Oh right, sorry noona, sorry hyung!” With that Chan walks back to his room.

As soon as his door shuts you’re cumming. You squeeze your legs tightly around Soonyoung’s hips as he shallowly thrusts into you, his dick creaming the condom. Soonyoung finally pops his mouth off of your shoulder only for him to bring your lips to his. Slowly he pulls out of you and the drag of his dick makes you whimper into your boyfriend’s mouth.

“So good for me, even talking to Channie while I’m fucking, such a good naughty girl,” Soonyoung mutters as he kneads at your ass. His lips connect back to yours and you guys are wrestling with your lips again. “Shit baby, gonna make me hard again.”

“Can’t,” you reluctantly pull away from your boyfriend, “have to go help Chan with his girl problems.” Soonyoung groans as you fully pull away from him, already heading towards Chan’s room. This is what he gets for wanting to fuck you in front of his roommates. Not that it's going to stop him though.

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Fic: What We Don't Know Can't Hurt Us

Fandom: Triple Frontier

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Librarian!Reader (cishet female) meet-cute

Warnings: No warnings really, some language and mention of masturbation and sex. Reader doesn't like kids. Yearning. Frankie is a TOTAL DILF SWEETHEART. Sad ending.

Summary: Reader is a librarian who has to temp at the kids' section desk from time to time which is a pain because she doesn't like kids. And who is a regular if not a very hot, scruffy-looking dad with the very polite and mild-mannered daughter? Sparks fly but some things maybe aren't meant to be.

Words: 5,155

a/n: Just to be clear, this one doesn't end well. I just wanted to write something sad, I guess.

Oh, shit, there he is again. The Hot Dad.

You straighten a little in your chair and once again curse the fact that you’re working in the children’s section at the library: the only desk that isn’t adjustable. You prefer to do your service desk duties standing up, not only for ergonomic reasons but because you hate how patrons look down on you – literally – when you’re seated by the desk. Also, you tend to slouch and it’s not an attractive look. And at the kids’ section, you’re all supposed to work on the same level as the little tykes. And you’re not particularly keen on those.

You are, however, keen on hot dads. God knows you only get them once in a blue moon and if they show up, it’s usually in tow of a whole clan of children and a wife. But this dad has been in once before when you’ve had desk duty and you saw him stop at the shelf for picture books about divorce and pick out a few. You also heard him tell his little girl that she shouldn’t bring the books she chose to her mom’s. Divorcee, so fantasizing was even more allowed – although he probably had a girlfriend. Guys like that always do.

“You don’t want to lose them, sweetie,” he had explained patiently to his daughter. “You can keep them in your room at my place but if you take them to your mom’s there’s a risk you lose them and that means I have to pay for them. You see, we’re only borrowing these books, that’s what you do in a library.”

You had smiled an inwards smile when listening to him. There was nothing you loved more than parents who actually seemed to understand that all the material in the library was free at one simple condition: return it in time, in the same condition as you borrowed it. A lot of people did not seem to grasp this and made a huge deal when they failed to meet these conditions and were faced with late fees or even had to compensate for lost books. But when parents who knew how to use a library include their offspring, explain how it all works for them, well, that’s how you foster a new generation of good library patrons.

This dad did just that. And he was very careful with the books, prompting his daughter to be the same. Every book she pulled out of the stacks, he helped her put back in the right place. That’s practically marriage material right there and it was enough to make you weak at the knees, to be honest. After almost ten years working in a public library, you were disillusioned about people in general and their intelligence in particular. Sure, you liked your job enough to not cry in the mornings when you had to leave bed, and you did enjoy the work itself (mostly), but… having to deal with people was exhausting. Having to deal with little people even more so, and the worst was having to deal with adult people who had little people with them. Parents.

Hence your absolute obsession with Hot Dad who was soft-spoken, really good with his kid, understood to appreciate the library and its services, nodded his hello to you when passing by the desk, didn’t make a mess, clearly read to his kid regularly and encouraged her to read for herself. You just didn’t get to see people like that so often, and it triggered your interest. You allowed yourself to daydream about him.

Francisco Morales. You remember his name from his last visit, when he and the kid came up to the desk with their haul. You always encouraged patrons to use the self-service check-out (the less you had to do deal with them, the better), but for this guy you were more than willing to go the extra service mile, even with the kid staring at your every move from across the desk as you registered all the loans. You silently gave her plus points for not trying to “help” like some kids did, and for the quiet but clear Thank you she gave you without prompting from her father.

You’re busying yourself with the returns, loading them onto a cart, when you hear a soft, deep voice go Excuse me behind your back. You twirl around and see Morales, pulling his baseball cap off his head to reveal curls that would make any hair model cry of envy.

“Sorry to bother you,” he offers. Take me now, you think to yourself but instead, you give him your brightest customer service smile, the one you rarely give patrons.

“No worries, how can I help?”

“We’re looking for picture books about farm animals. You don’t happen to have those separated? I noticed you have some subject areas separated.” He gestures back towards the picture book stacks where his daughter is quietly perusing.

“We don’t, but I think we have some Julia Donaldsons available, let me come and have a look.”

You don’t always offer. With most patrons, you’d tell them to look under D for Donaldson and then smile sweetly and ask them if they’re okay to do it themselves. You can’t do everything for everyone, that way they’ll never learn. But for Francisco Morales and his well-behaved little girl, you’re absolutely willing to make an exception.

There are some Donaldsons that the girl, whose name you learn is Sofia, eagerly accepts when you present her with them.

“I love fawm animals,” she sighs happily as she browses the first one. “Do you?”

“Who doesn’t love animals?” You make the effort to small talk although communicating with kids usually makes you awkward.

“What’s youw favowite? Mine is bunny. And howses. And lambs.”

“Goats! I love goats, they’re so cute and sweet and playful.” You almost add something about goats being the devil’s favorite animal as well but manage to stop yourself in time.

“Is there something else you want to ask the librarian?” Morales asks his daughter. “If not, I’m sure she has a lot of work to do, and we shouldn’t keep her any longer.”

“I’m here to help,” you shrug and give him a little smile: not a polite, impersonal one that you’d give a patron, but a more intimate one. A flirty smile. “You just need to ask.”

The smile he gives you back is warm and grateful, and you realize that he doesn’t have different facial expressions for different people. He doesn’t work in customer service because if he did, he’d know the difference. Not that you ever thought he worked in retail or anything like that, well, maybe a hardware store, but no. He just doesn’t seem like the type. The way he moves his body suggests something a lot more physical.

Oh, you’d like to get physical with him, alright…

All the sucky library-themed pick-up lines flash through your head. Can I check you out as an overnight loan? Can I insert my private collection into your empty stacks? My reference desk or yours? Am I being too loud, well, you’ll just have to shush me with your lips. You’re like an overdue library book because you have fine written all over you.

Worst part is, if Hot Dad Morales tried any of these on you, you’d probably forgive him and go for it. Maybe. You’re really not that simple, but a girl can dream, right?

The kid thanks you and you return to the relative safety of the desk and the mundane task of alphabetizing returns. You need to calm the fuck down and act professional. Daydreaming is fine but you’re barely toeing the line.

God, you need to get laid. As if that’s something that one can remedy just by walking into a store and ordering a medium dick with a side of hands and tongue.

📚📚📚

The next time you see Francisco and Sofia Morales, you’re taking your lunch break in the small park outside the library. It’s a sunny day and you didn’t fancy sitting in the breakroom with your salad, listening to colleagues talking about who cares what. So you took your lunch box, fork, and water bottle, and went to sit on the park bench the furthest away from the swing set and sandbox. The weather is nice and you enjoy yourself and your break from the library’s chat service. You never know what you’re gonna get when you work the chat: a stupid question about opening hours which anyone could google the answer to, or something more complicated like requests for books with partial or no titles, rarities, or subject areas that you don’t know much about. That’s when you get to use your whole competence and really dig deep, think outside the box, solve problems. You love it but it’s challenging at times, and takes a lot of energy. Your outdoor break is welcome.

“Hi!”

You hadn’t noticed the girl walking up to you and the greeting startles you.

“Oh, hi.”

“We’we wetuwning the animal books,” Sofia informs you seriously. You have to smile.

“Good job. You want more of those or something else this time?”

“Mowe. Will you help me find some?”

“I’m not working the desk at the children’s section today but my colleague there will absolutely help you. Just ask her.”

Now you see Morales walking towards you from the swing set, carrying the large, flowery canvas tote that says “book bag” he always brings to the library.

“Hello,” he nods with that warm smile that he definitely gives everyone. “Sofia, don’t disturb the lady on her break. I’m sure she wants some peace and quiet before she has to go back to work.”

Jesus fucking Christ. How does this man just know shit like this?

“I’m sowwy,” Sofia immediately offers. “I wanted to say hello.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” you allow, although technically, he’s not wrong. “I’m almost done. It was nice to see you. I hope you have a good visit to the library.”

“Thank you!” She skips along and Morales chuckles as he takes off his baseball cap and scratches his head, swipes his long locks out of his forehead, then puts the hat back on.

“You’re her favorite, you know,” he tells you. When you raise your eyebrow, not comprehending, he hurries to elaborate. “Of the librarians. She says you’re the best.”

“Thank you, but whatever for?” You know you do a good enough job at your usual position and that your regulars appreciate you, but you are also very aware of not being at your finest in the kids’ section.

“You have to ask her,” Morales grins as he looks out for his kid, who has returned to the swing set and is pumping her legs on the swing, brows knitted in concentration. “But she’s very taken with you. I think it’s because you’re very calm and focused with her.”

Calm and focused??? You almost laugh out loud. That’s everything you’re not when you’re at the kids’ desk.

“Thanks,” you manage, because you have to say something.

“She’s also really interested in your tattoos and I definitely think she wants to get her nose pierced now,” Morales goes on. “I told her that we don’t comment on people’s appearance, but just a heads up, she might ask you about those.”

Ah, the unpredictability of children.

“I appreciate it.” You really do. You don’t mind talking about your tattoos or the septum ring you have but if a kid suddenly asks about it, you’d rather be prepared.

“Anyway, sorry to intrude on your lunch.”

“No worries,” you reassure him. “You can… sit down for a while if you want to? I have ten minutes left.”

Your heart beats faster at your proposal. It’s not exactly appropriate but you just want to enjoy his company for a moment. And discreetly sniff him because he smells so fucking good, woodsy and smokey but with a hint of… vanilla? You’re terrible at recognizing smells but it reminds you of some aroma reeds you had a couple of years ago that smelled like a wood cabin with vanilla sugar spilled on the floor. You loved it but like everything you love, it was discontinued.

Morales looks over at his daughter before nodding, the book bag slipping down from his shoulder as he places it next to the bench.

“If you’re sure?”

“Wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”

He likes your straightforward answer, you can tell from how his eyes crinkle a little and how relaxed his body language is when he sits down.

“I’m Frankie, by the way,” he says, like he just remembered that introductions are a normal part of human interaction. He extends his right hand to you and as you accept it and tell him your name, you can’t help but marvel at how huge his hand is. Big, warm, slightly damp but not in a weird way.

“Nice to meet you, Frankie.” Frankie. Francisco Morales is Frankie. It suits him better than Francisco, to be honest.

“And that’s Sofia.” He points to the girl who seems content swinging by herself. You realize you’re expected to say something nice about her to the proud dad.

“She seems sweet.”

“Yeah, she’s awesome. And she loves coming to the library, it’s all she talks about when I have her.” He clears his throat and adds: “Her mother and I got divorced quite recently. I only get her five days every other week.”

“Sorry to hear that.” Shit, it’s divorce and custody talk from the start. You have no idea how to respond to that.

“That’s life,” he shrugs, “but I figured that going to the library every time I get her could be a good routine to ground her. And then we have books that we can read together for her entire stay.”

It’s definitely a good routine as far as you can tell.

“When I was between nine and thirteen years old, my dad would take me to the local library every Monday evening,” you tell him, smiling at the memory. “My dad never opened a book in his life but he patiently read the auto and tech magazines while I collected half the kids’ section with me. When I went to tell him that I was done, he always pretended to object to the amounts, but then he’d help me carry it all to the car.”

As you tell him this, you’re looking at him, no, staring at the patchy, grey-splashed beard he’s sporting. It’s the most fascinating thing you’ve ever seen. What’s the story there, why doesn’t it grow evenly? Is this a thing? You don’t have enough experience in the field of facial hair. Is it genetic? Is it always like this?

He keeps looking at his daughter as he listens to you with a small smile on his face, clearly enjoying your little anecdote.

“That’s lovely,” he says, turning his attention back to you when you’re finished. “Dads and daughters, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

You pick up your phone to check the time. Shit. You have to return to the chat.

“I gotta go. Lunch break’s over.”

You collect your things and stand up, brushing off your skirt. Frankie stands up as well and picks up the book bag.

“I’ll see you in there?”

“I’m not a the desk today.”

“Oh.” He seems disappointed, his eyes flickering from you to the ground. “That’s too bad.”

“And the kids' section isn't my primary department.”

“The bad news just keep on coming, don't they,” he jokes as the two of you start to walk towards the entrance. Sofia jumps from the swing and comes running.

“She's not at the desk today, daddy,” she tells Frankie precociously.

“I know, mija. We'll have to ask someone else about the animal books, okay?”

Sofia doesn't seem too happy with this solution but nods. You take your leave before she has the opportunity to ask about your body modifications, and disappear through a door marked “Staff Only”.

📚📚📚

The following weeks you seem to see Frankie everywhere. You run into him at the supermarket and get drafted into advicing him on what cereal to buy for his kid. “Something healthy, but good so she'll actually eat it.” How the hell should I know? you want to scoff, but you're simping for him enough to help him choose something you'd never in a thousand years touch yourself. You see him in town one afternoon when you're running errands and he suggests you grab a coffee - holy hell, in your book that's a fucking date - but you decline as kindly as you can, citing a busy schedule when in fact you're mostly just scared out of your mind. The daydream is becoming a little too real and you're absolutely not ready for that, especially not because of the kid. If it wasn't for Sofia, you could have dared the leap, but dating a guy relatively fresh out of a marriage, and with a kid to boot? No, that's asking for trouble and you don't want trouble.

One afternoon at the kids' desk, you once again get to help Sofia find books, this time on sharks.

“She went from farm animals to sharks in one week,” Frankie confides in you when the girl is sitting quietly in a reading nook, carefully studying every page and occasionally widening her eyes at what you suspect is pictures of shark teeth. “It's sharks this and sharks that. She asks if there are sharks in every body of water she sees, from the pond in the park to the ditch outside my parents' house.”

“Have her watch Jaws and she will never want to think about sharks ever again,” you suggest, earning a laugh although the idea was probably a little bit on the morbid side.

“Maybe, but that would probably scar her for life. I actually want her to learn how to swim.”

“Then best not.”

You pick up a couple of books someone else left behind on a table and make a gesture that says I have to re-shelve these, come with and Frankie follows you to the right shelf.

“You know, she talks about you as her friend at the library.”

Now, some people would find that adorable but you don't. You're not friends with this kid, you're in a position where you could possibly influence her keenness to literature and literacy but you will always risk critique from her guardians. Being a children's librarian is like a hybrid between being in customer service, and being a teacher. You get to form young malleable minds but you are always subjected to criticism, even when you've done nothing wrong. Kids are patrons, like adults, and to have them see you as friends is only going to complicate things.

“That's nice,” you reply carefully, not really sure what else to say. It's so hard to talk to parents sometimes, one wrong words and you're basically Satan, you can't know because you don't have kids yourself, how dare you not worship the ground my offspring just vomited all over?

“You're definitely her favorite librarian.”

That you can take. You have a couple of adult patrons who come in regularly and prefer to get their reading recommendations from you. They always have time to discuss literature and they bring you a box of chocolates for Christmas.

“Well, she's easy to help. She always knows what she wants and she's polite. And quite easy to please,” you smile, meaning every word. You don't mention that the only time you like kids is when they're like Sofia is right now: reading quietly in a corner, handling the books with care.

“You're my favorite librarian as well,” Frankie adds, and now that sweet smile he's always wearing when you see him is shy. There's definitely a red tinge on his cheekbones as well and it makes you want to lean forward and kiss him on his goddamn mouth with that goddamn full lower lip that he sometimes sucks into his mouth or fucking licks...

“How many librarians do you know?” you ask and manage to sound easy-going, or at least you think so. The laugh Frankie produces is low and rolling and it makes your stomach coil in on itself. Fuck him and that deep voice he rode in on!

“Got me there. It's basically you and Mrs Wilkerson, the school librarian who scared the shit out of me when I was in elementary school. She made sure I didn't step foot in a library until, well, now.”

“Oh, I so wanted to be a librarian like that when I was a kid!” You grin at Frankie's horrified expression. “No, no, hear me out! I always had this idea that those librarians led these super rich, fulfilling lives as night-time vigilantes or that they were actually millionaires who spent their free time floating around in pools with fancy drinks in hand.”

“Were you... a normal child, besides these illusions?” Frankie teases you and before you can stop yourself, you're slapping his arm playfully. Like a girlfriend would. Or someone more intimate than a Favorite Librarian, at any rate.

“I'll have you know that the voices in my head are saying that we had a very normal and healthy childhood,” you reply with as much dignity as you can muster, while desperately wishing for the phone to ring or another patron to ask for your help. But no, the ones present seem to be managing on their own - except for one mom who seemed to have overheard your joke because she is now staring at you with hesitation in her eyes.

It's Sofia who comes to your rescue with her request of being taken to the bathroom. By the time she and Frankie are done there, your colleague has come to relieve you of your duties at the children's section.

📚📚📚

You knew of course that it was coming. You may not be that experienced in the terms of dating and relationships but you weren't stupid and you had some experience: Frankie was going to ask you out. It had to happen. Technically, it had already happened that afternoon in town when he asked you out for coffee. He maybe didn't see it as a date, but you certainly did.

It happened when you had just started your shift in the children's section and it was a fucking mess. A class of kindergarteners had just left and the teachers hadn't bothered to keep them in check, so there were not only books on every available surface, they were also put in the wrong way and in the wrong places. Your colleague who you were relieving stayed behind to help you, feeling too bad to leave it all to you.

That's when Daddy and Daughter Morales showed up. You weren't really happy about the existence of kids in the first place but made an effort for Sofia, who brought you a drawing she had made in preschool that day. It featured some figures in green, slightly reminiscent of animals and one human but you wouldn't be able to tell. Luckily, Frankie explained it to you.

“She's waited all day to give you this drawing of you with goats.”

“Wow,” you manage. “Thank you, Sofia, this was so kind of you.”

The girl is beaming with pride. “Will you put it on the wall?”

“Super probably!”

“I can see you're busy,” Frankie notes and ushers Sofia along. “We won't distract you. Come on, honey, let her do her job now and maybe you'll get to talk to her later.”

You nod your thanks and focus on cleaning up the entire department before you colleague leaves and Frankie and Sofia come to the desk to borrow this week' picks. Sofia seems uncharacteristically giddy.

“Do you want to come with us to the awbowetum?” she asks with a wide, expectant smile. Fuck shit ass hell.

“We're going on Saturday,” Frankie fills in, “and we were both hoping you'd want to join?”

Saturday. Thank goodness.

“Sorry, I work on Saturday,” you say, trying to sound rueful. It's true and you're relieved about not having to lie. “But thanks, it's sweet of you to ask.”

Sofia is clearly disappointed and so is Frankie, but he masks it better.

“Some other time, yeah?”

If it were only him, you'd tell him it wasn't a good idea. But you can't say that with the kid right in front of you. You may not like kids but that doesn't mean you want to scar them for life.

“Yeah, maybe.”

You loan them the books and as they leave, Sofia waves happily at you and Frankie shoots you one last smile that makes you press your thighs together in your seat.

Come Saturday, you're by your usual desk in the section for adult fiction and you almost fall off your chair when you see Frankie come up the stairs and straight up to the desk.

“Hi.” He's had a haircut and a shave and looks different. Still good, but very different. The dark locks of his hair are more tamed. The mustache is still there but you miss the patchy beard.

“Um, hi? Where's Sofia?”

“In the car, with a friend. We're going to the arboretum.”

“Right. I hope you have a good time, the arboretum's lovely.” You still don't understand what he's doing here and he seems to have some difficulty in telling you. Moving his weight from one foot to the other, he scratches his neck and looks down - why does he have to be so freaking cute? - before looking up at you.

“About that... I wanted to apologize. I wasn't sure it was a good idea to ask you to come with, but Sofia was so persistent. She likes you so much. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. I'm sorry.”

“That's alright,” you brush it off because there's not really anything else you can say. “Don't think about it, just go have a good day.”

“I also wanted to ask if you wanted to go grab a drink with me. Just me. Maybe next week when Sofia's at her mother's.”

Fuck, there it is. His hopeful face makes you hate yourself for the answer you have to give.

“I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Frankie,” you begin carefully. “I'm really flattered, but you're... recently divorced with a kid. That's a lot of baggage and things could get complicated. I don't want to get caught up in that.”

You've practiced this speech at home but it still breaks your fucking heart because Frankie is so good-looking, kind, funny, and sweet. You would've asked him out yourself already if it wasn't for the baggage. Fuck, you masturbate to the thought of him, for crying out loud! You imagine what it would be like to be with him, to make dinner together and watch movies and go to bed and wake up in each other's arms. You think about sex with him a lot. You make an effort with your appearance those days you know he'll show up at the library, you don't even mind the kids' section that much anymore because you get to talk to him.

You are fucking in love with him, or at least the idea of him because you don't know much about him, only that he used to be a pilot in the special forces but now he trains new pilots, he has best friends who are like uncles to Sofia (and who have been asking about this mystery librarian she always keeps talking about), he likes cooking and loves baking with his daughter, he hates working out but knows he should take better care of himself, hell, you even know what brand of milk he buys.

He's clearly disappointed but keeps a brave face, one that you can see right through because he wears his heart on his sleeve.

“I understand that,” he says quietly, mildly. “I'm sorry, I hope I didn't embarrass you.”

Jesus fucking Christ can this man not???

“No, don't worry. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the answer you wanted. It's just... not a good time.”

Shit. You shouldn't have said that. Now he might think it could be a better time later.

Frankie nods and smiles sadly. “Yeah, you're probably right.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

He clears his throat and nods. “I better be going. You have a good weekend now.”

“You too.”

He shoots you one final smile before he turns around and leaves. As you watch him go down the stairs to the exit level, you just want to call his name, do your run through the airport and hurry after him, throw yourself into his arms, kiss him, Jesus, imagine that somewhere there's someone who'll get to kiss him some day, tell him that you made a huge mistake and you want to go out with him, you want to have drinks with him and dinner and breakfast and lunch for the rest of your lives because nothing would make you happier than making him happy. You want to be the reason his eyes crinkle and his cheek displays that little dimple that makes you lose your train of thought every time you see it.

But it's not for you. People with kids need to prioritize their kids and you know that you can't be anyone's number two. You don't want to get caught up in custody disputes, you don't want to be "your father's new slut", you don't want to be anyone's stepmom. You don't want to have to spend five days a week in the same house as a five-year-old. Being in a relationship is difficult enough as it is and if you can make choices that avoid some of the problems, you're going to make them, no matter how much it hurts.

And it hurts. A lot. But so much in life hurts and you've made it through before.

He must already be out the door, probably in the car. Does he say something about this to his daughter and friend? Is it a female friend? No, it must be one of his army buddies, probably one of the brothers.

You pull up Frankie's profile in the library database and see his phone number. You could call him anytime. Or send a text. Keep talking to him, flirting.

Shit. It's a bad idea.

A patron approaches the desk and you force yourself to look mild and service-minded.

“Hi, do you have Hate To Want You by someone called... Ray, I think?”

“Please hold a moment, I'll check.” You stifle the sigh that threatens to escape you and hope that the day will be busy so you won't have time to think about Francisco Morales again.

[seokiie]

𝚁𝚎𝚍𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 (𝙼)

+ 𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘬’𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

+𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 7𝘬

+ 𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘬/𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

+ 𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘶𝘯𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘷𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘮, 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴

𝗪𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 @gracieinworldofhope 𝗱(^_^𝗼)

On AO3

~

You and Hoseok have been roommates for.. for...

"Hoseok, how long have we been living together?" You look up at a sweaty Hoseok from your spot on the couch.

"I don't know, uh, maybe a year and a half?" Hoseok puts on a thinking face despite the fact that he was doing stretches in the middle of the living room. You nod.

You and Hoseok have been roommates for a year and a half.

Your parents were pretty against you living with a guy you weren't planning on dating or marrying, but you didn't really care. You needed someone to split rent with and Hoseok was your only longterm, financially trustable friend you had.

Recently, you'd gotten a well-paying job and you didn't need Hoseok as a roommate anymore, but you weren't gonna tell him that. By him staying as your roommate, you're able to save up some extra money and even-

Yeah, no. That's not why you wanted to keep Hoseok as your roommate.

To be completely honest, you've kind of grown attached to the friendly company and it feels so good being able to come home to someone.

And he smells so good.

You'd never admit that last part though.

Hoseok works as a dance choreographer. He's not famous or anything but he's fairly well known. So he's always stretching or dancing or practicing in the middle of the living room. When you first moved in, you really couldn't stand being in the same room as him when he practiced because he'd be all sweaty and wet and he smelled weird.

You really changed from back then.

You're not really sure what chemical imbalance in your brain was suddenly making you think Jung Hoseok was attractive. Well, he was attractive, always has been, but never in a way other than in a best friend sort of way.

"Hobi, don't- don't hug me after you exercise." His chest is so hard. his hands are so veiny. He smells so fucking good. Why does he smell so good?

"You're a lot different from when we first moved in together. You use to push me away, now you just get all flustered and cute." Hoseok's voice is breathless in your ear as he holds you in an awfully intimate back hug, your feet raising from the floor. You whine, struggling in his grasp.

"Put me down, Hoseokkk!" Don't put me down. Push me against the couch. Fuck me. Break me.

"As you wish." Hoseok laughs as he tosses you (not so gently) back onto the couch. "I'm gonna take a quick shower. Can you warm up the takeout in the fridge so we can eat?"

You give him a sound of approval and watch as he speeds down the hall and into the shared bathroom.

Hoseok had taken you out last night since you'd gotten a promotion. He bought you Chinese food then took you to a karaoke place that you've never heard of. Apparently renting private karaoke rooms was expensive, but he did it anyway. Thinking back on it, you two must've gotten some weird looks because why else do two people go out and do karaoke... alone. You try not to dwell on that too much and shove the beef low mien into the microwave.

You jump up to sit on the kitchen counter, watching the container spin around in the microwave. As the time ticks down from three minutes, you find yourself thinking about your roommate. You use to chastise yourself for daydreaming about Hoseok, especially if it was in any way... sexual, but these days you find yourself giving in to the thoughts. The thoughts about Hoseok in the shower. The thoughts about his hands gliding over his lean body as water poured over him.

You bite your lip and cross your legs. You were delving into an area of your mind that you didn't dare touch unless it was the late hours of the night. Regardless, you can't help wondering if Hoseok has ever touched himself while he was in the shower. You can't help wondering what he'd look like touching himself in the shower.

After living with him for so long, it would be a lie to say you haven't seen everything. To be honest, if you had to make a list of all the times you two have been exposed to each other, it would be abnormally long. There was that one time in college when you, him, and some mutual friends went skinny dipping. That was actually the first time you two met and the circumstances were a bit weird.

Then there was that time after he had just moved in, you walked in on him peeing. You couldn't help getting a quick look before fleeing the bathroom with a meek 'sorry'. And there was that time you thought you were home alone so you walked around in a big shirt, nothing underneath. Hoseok walked out of his room and got an eyeful.

So you didn't have to imagine what Hoseok's dick looked like.

You already knew full well.

You squeeze your thighs together in an attempt to relieve some of the tension and let out a quiet sigh. Then you make the mistake of imagining Hoseok coming all over his hands and the shower walls. The way his thighs would tremble slightly and the way his face would twist in pleasure. You like to think the face Hoseok makes when he comes is the same face he makes while dancing. Focused, lips between his teeth, chin tilted up, and hair stuck to his forehead. You almost find yourself snaking a hand between your legs when a door slamming and a loud voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

"Aishhhh, what are you doing? The microwave stopped how long ago and you're just sitting here staring at nothing." Hoseok gives you a raised eyebrow expression, humoring you slightly. "Kinda reminds me of Jungkookie, to be honest."

You uncross your legs and let out a cough that only seems awkward to you as Hoseok opens the microwave and takes out the container of food.

"Let's watch a movie and eat."

^^

Tonight is Friday so its Hoseok's turn to pick the movie.

He picked Wall-E.

Again.

He's made you watch it with him so many times that you think you have the script partially memorized. After bitching about it several times and seeing as he had no intention of changing the movie, you figured you might as well enjoy it the best you can.

"Aren't you cold? You're not under the blanket." The lights were all off except for the faint red LEDs you and him spent hours putting up a few weeks ago. The TV hummed with the familiar Pixar intro theme and the various snacks on the coffee table before you seemed to set the mood perfectly.

"I'm not cold, actually. I feel quite warm." You offer him a slow blink and a smile before turning your attention back to the TV. You were never one to refuse Hoseok's cuddles but you were feeling a little pent up and having him wrapped around you, his scent everywhere, especially after a shower, didn't seem like a bright idea.

"But I'm cold." You can hear the pout in his voice and you roll your eyes. Tempting, but no.

"If you're not in my arms within the next five seconds, I'll have no choice but to use force." Mock authority radiated from his voice and even if it wasn't real, the dominance in his tone made you want to scurry over to his lap and obey. Extremely tempting, but no.

"Five."

"You're not seriously counting right now."

"Four."

"Oh my fucking god, you're kidding me."

"Three."

"Hoseok, you're not my dad. You can't just-"

"Two. If you don't get over here I might have to get the belt." You almost choke at that. His attempt at a joke had somehow managed to make your whole body heat up.

"I- okay, stop, you- I'll cuddle with you, just... relax." That 'relax' was more directed at you than at him. A dimple-full smile graces his face as he opens his arms and pats the spot on his thighs. Very inviting of him.

"Ooh, goo goo! Look at the little baby all warm in daddy's arms!" Hoseok wraps his arms around your waist and pulls your back flush against his chest. If your thoughts weren't dangerous before, they were dangerous now.

"Don't say things like that, weirdo. Pay attention to the movie." Hoseok gives a disgruntled 'okay, okay' before relaxing with you on his lap.

At first, you're a bit hyperaware of the situation. You're sitting in Hoseok's lap and if you press your hips down just right...

No. You stop yourself there.

Hoseok smelled amazing, too. He usually smelled sweet, like artificially flavored candy. But you especially loved how he smelt after a shower because of his natural scent mixed with the rough yet refined fragrance of his body wash. Mm, you could breathe him in all day.

The movie continues fine from there. You respond how you usually do, laughing at the funny parts and whining at the sad parts. Around halfway through, though, you notice Hoseok is kind of shifting under you. You ignored it at first thinking he was trying to get comfy but the shifting has gone on for so long now that you think your ass bones are making him uncomfortable.

"Should I get up? I bet you can barely feel your legs right now." You lean your head back on his shoulder, tossing some caramelized popcorn into your mouth.

"H-huh?" His eyes go a bit wide like you'd caught him doing something he shouldn't. You make a confused face back.

"You keep shifting. If you're uncomfortable we can go back to how we normally cuddle?" Hoseok looks like he honestly contemplates it before opening his legs wider so you were sitting between his legs and keeping his arms wrapped around you.

"No, uh... no. I like having you like this. I mean, It's good. You're not making me uncomfortable." The exact opposite. You laugh then shift your focus back to the movie.

"If you're so sure."

When you wake up, the room is noticeably brighter and you're laying across the whole couch, a thin blanket covering your body. You rub the sleep and the crust out of your eyes before grabbing your phone off the coffee table.

It was 12 pm.

You toss your phone onto the floor and let out an annoyed groan. Not only did you miss your whole entire morning but your neck was a bit sore from sleeping on the couch. Hoseok had obviously meant well by putting a blanket over you while you slept but he couldn't at least carry you to your room? Well, you figure you shouldn't complain, it was a nice gesture.

You start to clean up the living room, tossing the empty cans and bags of chips in the trash before picking up the blanket that you left jumbled up on the couch.

"Hm. This isn't mine." You comment to no one but yourself as you play with the colorful throw in your hands. The only other person who lived here was Hoseok so it must be his.

You look down the hall at Hoseok's room. His door is open which usually meant he was either feeling very inviting or he was at work. Looking at the time, it was probably the latter. He won't be back till around six depending how long dance practice runs. You had the whole apartment to yourself today.

You peak through the open door just to make sure you were right and sure enough, you were. Hoseok's bed was empty, made neatly and tucked in the corner of his room. His window was open, a slight breeze wafting in and blowing his sheer curtains almost dramatically as you walked inside.

You plop yourself down on his bed, his blanket still in your arms. You'd only been in Hoseok's room a total of maybe nine times over the past year or so and most if not all of those times, Hoseok was there, too.

As you're sitting on his bed, you find yourself bringing his blanket up to your nose. You swear you don't do it on purpose, it was almost like an instinct. You inhale slightly, just to get a quick sniff and fuck. Yeah. That's definitely Hoseok's blanket.

You inhale deeper, this time letting out a quiet moan as you exhale. There were a few hints of yourself but that was understandable. You'd been sleeping in it for who knows how long. But besides that, you could clearly smell Hoseok's ambrosial scent.

As you lay back on his bed, you wonder why you're so easily affected by how he smells. It's a little weird to you but you can't help the way your body reacts when you breathe him in.

"Hoseok..." What are those things called..? Pheromones! Maybe Hoseok just has some crazy pheromones that are making you lose your head. That seems to be the most reasonable conclusion you can think of as you snake your hand down your belly and past the waistband of your shorts.

Were you seriously going to touch yourself in your roommate's room while smelling his blanket?

To be completely honest your mind was so clouded you genuinely couldn't see any problem with that.

You graze two of your fingers over your clit, a ripple of pleasure and relief washing over your body as you practically smothered yourself with the blanket. You've been pent up so long. When was the last time you touched yourself?

It doesn't take much to get you going. All you have to think about is Hoseok and you're already soaking. Hoseok after practice, Hoseok working out, Hoseok's face when he dances, Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok. You have a slight feeling saying his name any more than you already have might make him appear.

"Y/n? I'm back."

Wait, what..?

You pull your hands out of your shorts almost immediately, wiping the slick on your fingers on the blanket before throwing it back on the bed. You stand up just in time to see a familiar figure lean against the door frame.

"What are you doing in my room?" Hoseok crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. There wasn't a hint of knowing in his voice and you relax a bit at that.

"Nothing, er... I was returning your blanket." You point to the jumbled fabric on the bed before making your way to the door. If you didn't leave now he was going to catch on.

As you're about to squeeze past him and make your escape, his arm blocks your path. He was taking up the whole doorway now. Great.

"Are you feeling okay? You're kinda sweaty. Do you have a fever?" Hoseok's hand moves to your forehead and you scramble to push the hand away. "You feel warm, too. Should I make you porridge?"

"I'm fine. I'm just- the apartment is just kinda hot." You chastise yourself for the awkward laugh you let out and it's obvious that Hoseok doesn't buy it. Regardless, he moves his arm so you can walk out of the room.

"Hey, wait..." You barely make it down the hall before Hoseok is grabbing your wrist and stopping you in your tracks. Just as you were about to celebrate your small victory of not getting caught, too.

"I need help packing away the groceries."

^^

"So you were out buying groceries?"

"Yeah..? What did you think I was doing?" Hoseok pulls out a gallon of milk and a few cartons of juice from a shopping bag before placing them on the kitchen counter.

"I thought you were at practice. I didn't think... you'd be back so soon." You look down slightly, avoiding eye contact as you take the produce from the counter and organize them inside the fridge. You could clearly feel Hoseok's eyes on you but you didn't dare look.

"Pfft, is that why you were so shocked when I found you in my room? You weren't really returning that blanket were you?" He said it in a joking manner but you're shocked that he caught on so quickly. You say nothing in response.

Just as you're about to put a carton of eggs into the fridge, Hoseok closes the door and spins you around, effectively pushing you back against the fridge door. The eggs you were holding slip out of your hands but that's the least of your worries. At the moment, Hoseok had you pushed against the fridge, his arms caging you in like you were in an anime. Seriously?

"You know, while I was taking Japanese in college, I learned that pushing someone against a wall like this is called 'kabedon'. I've always wanted to try it." He's so fucking close. Way too fucking close. His lips were mere inches away from yours and if he took one step closer, his hips would connect with yours.

"All of a sudden? I- you- why-" The words you wanted to say fizzle out of your head as you watch Hoseok's eyes drop to your lips as you stutter. He was definitely doing this shit on purpose. He loved seeing you flustered.

"What were you really doing in my room?" A smirk graces his lips when he sees you tilt your head down. In the most platonic way ever, he relished in the feeling of watching you submit to him.

"You- what- what are you thinking!" It was barely a question. Your mind flashes with images of what Hoseok could do to you in this position and you feel your body getting hotter (if that was even possible). You're pretty sure if you let this go on any longer you'd start panting in need. The room is deadly silent before you speak up again.

"The eggs..." You say meekly and Hoseok tilts his head to the side, confused until he looks down at the yellow liquid spilling from the half-opened carton at your feet.

"Oh, shit. Oops..." Sheepishly, Hoseok steps back but you don't move from your spot against the fridge. You felt frozen for a few seconds as you tried to regain the train of thought that Hoseok effortlessly managed to derail. "Ahh, those eggs were expensive, too. It was a 24 pack..."

"Maybe you should've considered that before pushing me against the fridge." You roll your eyes and step over the mess, leaving it for Hoseok to clean up. He simply groans in response and you can't help feeling grateful. Those eggs really just saved your life.

Over the next few days, you find yourself daydreaming about Hoseok a lot. Okay, this was usually normal but you were doing it a lot more often.

And in a lot more inappropriate places.

Just this morning you caught yourself daydreaming about Hoseok while you were at work. You were reviewing some files for corporate when you thought back to the smell of Hoseok's blanket. The scent that was so distinctly him. You imagined what it would be like to tuck your face into his neck while he fucked into you. You're not completely sure when your imagination got so vivid but you could picture everything perfectly behind your eyelids. The slide of his dick inside you, his quiet grunts and moans. He's a dancer, too so you knew his stamina would be out of this world.

That leads you to this evening. You got home from work around six or seven and usually, Hoseok is back by then. He'd usually be sitting on the couch watching some foreign movie or he'd be dancing in the center of the living room. A surge of worry washes through you when you walk inside the apartment and its pitch black.

You flick the lights on and toss your keys and bag onto the kitchen counter before calling his name out into the abyss. No response.

As you walk absentmindedly through the apartment, it finally hits you that you're home alone.

Alone.

By yourself.

Hoseok is gone.

You throw your jacket onto your bed before looking down the hall at Hoseok's room. His door was open. He really was gone.

Almost as if your body had a mind of its own, you find yourself walking towards his room. His door was only a few strides away from yours and you had no chance to rethink what you were about to do.

"He won't mind if I..." You throw open his closet and you're a bit surprised to see how untidy it is compared to his room. Last time you checked, Hoseok really prided himself on being the neat one. On the floor, you find a couple of clothes that had fallen off their hangers. There sits a grey hoodie with little holes in it. You recognize this hoodie. You haven't seen Hoseok wear it in weeks.

Perfect.

He wouldn't mind if you 'borrowed' this hoodie for a bit, would he? You'll give it right back when you're done with it, you promise.

^^

"Dance with me."

"No, Hoseok. I'm busy."

"You're not even doing anything. You're scrolling through TikTok."

"Yeah, important business."

"Can you turn off your phone? Please? Dance with me!"

"Hoseok, you know I can't-" Before you can get the words out, Hoseok is grabbing your arm and dragging you off the couch. Your phone slips out your hands and onto the floor. "Hoseok, don't you dare!"

"You don't have to know how to dance to dance. Just feel the music!" Hoseok spins you around so your facing him. His hands are on your waist as the song playing through the speaker changes. You didn't recognize this song but for some reason it made you feel a little nostalgic. It was a rap song with a slow tempo.

"Literally everyone who knows how to dance says that. Fine, but I'm warning you. I'm a toe stepper." You had a little bit more fight left in you but Hoseok's hands were so warm on your waist and he was pulling you in so close. Your defenses were quickly weakening.

"That's okay. I'll show you. Put your arms here." He puts your arms on his shoulders.

"Move your body like this." His hands move to your hips. With feather-light touches, he guides you to the music.

"It feels awkward." You mumble mostly to yourself. Hoseok pulls you even closer as if to say 'it's okay. It's not awkward to me'.

"If you're embarrassed you can put your head on my shoulder. Here, so you don't have to look up at me." You do as he says and admittedly, you do feel a little less disconcerted.

With the music playing loudly throughout the apartment and Hoseok guiding his hips against yours, you feel like you're dancing with a stranger at the club (even though you've never been to a club).

Oddly enough, it feels really comfortable. Hoseok's holding you and helping you stay in time with the music. Somewhere between the third and fourth song, you find yourself getting a little too comfortable, though. With your nose tucked into Hoseok's neck, you can smell his sinewy scent perfectly. You let out a quiet sigh after inhaling deeply.

Mm, fuck. So good. Why does he smell so good? And he's practically grinding against you, too. You really didn't know how long you could last like this.

You wondered if Hoseok ever danced with other people like this, pulling them in by their waist and pressing his hips against theirs. The way he moved was absolutely sinful and the way he guided your hips, deliberate and slow, was so delicious. Not to mention everytime he pulled you in you could feel something heavy rub against your thigh.

Maybe... maybe it was just his phone.

"Heh, are you okay?" His voice is low in your ear, lower than normal.

"Mmm, huh?" you moan into his neck, forgetting for a moment that the man that has you wrapped around his finger is your friend, your roommate of almost two years.

"You're- you're breathing really hard. Are you okay?" Hoseok's voice is breathy but you miss it over the sound of the music.

"M'fine." You were thoroughly drugged out on his smell, his hips, your mind completely darkened with thoughts of him.

"Ah, y/n. Let's- let's take a break." Hoseok breathes as he pulls you away. The panting and moaning into his neck... yeah, no. If he let this go on any longer, he wouldn't be able to control himself anymore. He was currently sporting a semi and grinding against you was not going to help his situation.

"Yeah... uh, yeah. Let's do that. It's hot." You were burning up inside but without Hoseok's body pressed against yours you felt a lot cooler.

"I'm going to shower." Hoseok says, leaving no room for an awkward silence. That doesn't change the fact that you can't meet his eyes. "Thanks for dancing with me. Let's do it again sometime."

You give him a nod and watch as he walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. You're kind of just left standing in the living room now. You guess now would be the best time to go to bed. Yes, you needed to sleep before the embarrassment of what just happened settles in.

As you're walking down the hallway to your room, you just about pass Hoseok's room before stopping and backtracking.

You peak into the room, examining the area. His bed was unmade and the lamp on his desk was on. His laptop was also open but the screen was black. To be completely honest though, you were more interested in the little pile of clothes on his bed. You hold your breath for a second just to hear whether or not the shower was still going. Lucky for you, Hoseok seemed to be taking his time in there.

"This is payback for making me dance with you." You mumble to yourself before picking up a random article of clothing from the crumpled up pile. You don't realize till you uncrumple the item that it's a nightshirt.

The pile on his bed was a pajama set.

If you take the shirt with you, he'll definitely notice somethings missing. You think about putting it back and forgetting you were ever here, but thoughts about Hoseoks hands on your body, the way he smelled when he put your head on his shoulder...

You bring the pajama shirt up to your nose. His scent was strong and you swear your legs almost give out.

There was no more time to think. You heard the water shut off and it didn't take you more than a second to dash out of his room. If anything he'll just think he misplaced his shirt.

Honestly, tonight you would need this shirt more than he would ever know.

^^

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.

Hoseok gets out of bed that morning and stretches a bit before opening his drawer. He didn't have work today but Joon had been texting him constantly trying to get him to go to the studio with him. He figured he can't keep putting it off and a Saturday morning was best spent mixing and mastering. He also heard one of his close friends from college, Yoongi, was going to be there. He was relieved to hear Namjoon still kept up with him, it just gave him another reason to meet them at the studio.

Hoseok looks through his shirt drawer. He wanted to wear his nice black button-up which he'd probably tuck into some ripped up skinny jeans, but that required him to be able to find his black button-up.

Now that he thinks about it, his shirt draw seemed to have a lot less shirts than it did a month ago. At first, he thought he was just misplacing things, which wasn't common for him but he wasn't necessarily perfect. Now that he had a significantly smaller selection of clothes, he felt like he was going crazy.

He lets out a disgruntled sigh before throwing on an old green sweatshirt he found in his closet and stepping out of his room.

Looking to his right, he noticed that your door was still closed. It was almost 11 and you should probably be up by now. He wonders if he should ask if you knew what was going on with his clothes. Maybe your clothes were going missing, too. As he walks towards your room, his phone vibrates in his pocket. It's Namjoon, probably asking if he was on his way.

He gives your door one last look before answering the call and turning the opposite direction to leave the apartment.

Ok, this was seriously starting to get out of hand.

Hoseok had just gotten home from dance practice. He was assigned to a newer idol group and teaching them their first choreography was a little more strenuous and demanding than he'd expected. None-the-less, he still pushed through it and managed to make a good bit of progress. Unfortunately, it left him exhausted, sweaty, and noisome. As soon as he got home, instead of greeting you like he usually did, he threw all his clothes on the ground and got in the shower.

A nice warm shower is exactly what he needed. He'd even say he felt energized after.

As he wrapped a towel around his waist, he noticed something missing from his pile of dirty clothes on the floor. He bent over to sift through the pile, identifying right away what was missing.

His pastel blue Supreme hoodie.

Hoseok wasn't one to get particularly angry, not unless it was warranted. But he could feel himself getting increasingly more frustrated the longer he looked at his dirty clothes. He most definitely was not crazy and his clothes, especially shirts and hoodies, were definitely going missing. This wasn't all in his head.

In nothing but his towel, he swings the bathroom door open and leaves with the full intent to talk to you. He's not completely sure what he wants to say to you. He doesn't want to accuse you of stealing his clothes because that seems a bit presumptuous, but there's no other logical reasoning. Unless someone's been breaking into the apartment and stealing shirts, heh.

He doesn't bother knocking on your door. No matter what you were doing right now, his problem was more important. There was a burglar afoot.

When Hoseok turns the knob and inches your door open, the first thing he notices is that your room is kinda dark despite it being early afternoon. Your curtains were drawn and the fairy lights on your walls were the only source of brightness in the room. The second thing he notices is... you're shifting a lot in your bed and if he looks a little closer-

"Hnng, Hoseok..." It's only after a moan of his name leaves your mouth that he notices the fabric you're holding to your face with one hand.

It's his pastel blue supreme hoodie.

Ok, maybe he was insane.

"Fuck, Hoseok, fuck. Fuck me, aaha..." Hoseok watches you tilt your head back against your pillows. He watches your eyes roll back as you moved your arm faster under your covers. He watches as you breathe in his favorite hoodie like your life depends on it.

And he likes it.

Somehow, he can't stop himself from watching. There's something about seeing his usually innocent roommate writhe in pleasure. There's something about hearing his name fall from your lips in wanton moans, and fuck, he's so hard. He can feel the blood rushing to his dick as he watches you from the doorway. 'Pervert, pervert, pervert' is all he can say in his head as he lets an unconscious hand palm himself through the towel around his waist.

"So this is where all my clothes have been going?"

At the sound of Hoseok's voice, you freeze up completely. There's no way he's actually-

"Shit... Ho-Hoseok-" The apartment falls completely silent as you make eye contact with the man at your door. Suddenly the buzzing of your vibrator seems far too loud in your ears. "I didn't- I'm not... how much did you see?"

You're stunned and extremely mortified to the point where you don't notice that Hoseok is wet and he's wearing nothing but a towel. You don't even notice the way he subtly walks into your room, slowly like he's stalking prey.

"Enough. I saw enough." He's standing right by your bed, arms crossed. Your body burns with embarrassment as you pull your sheets up higher to cover your body. "Answer me, is this what you've been doing with my clothes?"

You simply blink in response. Did he really want you to answer that?

A beat of silence passes by and he reaches for the blanket covering your body before hesitating.

"Uh, can I?" Another wave of silence rolls by, you blink up at him in surprise before nodding quickly.

"Yeah- uh, yeah, just-"

"Fuck." Hoseok breathes out when he pulls the cover down and sees a cute little vibrator situated inside you. The sight alone makes his cock twitch with interest.

"I want to touch you so bad, can I touch you, y/n?" You can see the desperation mixed with uncertainty in his eyes, almost as if he knew he was saying something he wasn't supposed to.

"Please." As soon as the word leaves your mouth, Hoseok is climbing onto your bed and straddling your waist, his fluffy white towel sliding off in the process. You close your eyes tight, clenching around the vibrator inside you and suppressing a moan as Hoseoks movements jostled the toy. You were already so close to coming.

"So pretty... look at me." Hoseok tilts your chin up and your eyes flutter open. Hoseok thinks you're absolutely beautiful like this. Lips parted and your breathing heavy. Not to mention how disheveled your hair is and the fucked out expression on your face. Suddenly, he has the urge to paint that pretty face of yours with his come.

"What were you thinking about... smelling my clothes and fucking yourself like that?" You don't even get the chance to respond before Hoseoks slender fingers are wrapping around the vibrating toy and moving it back and forth inside you, slow and vexing.

"Hoseok, I can't- gonna... shit!" You were already so close when Hoseok walked in on you, you couldn't help coming hard around the toy, fingers curling into the bedsheets as he kept fucking you through your orgasm.

"Fuck, look at you. Ah, I really can't hold back." You've never seen Hoseok's eyes clouded with more lust than when he pulls the soaked toy out of you, a puddle of your juices oozing out of you and gathering on the bed. His cock visibly throbs at the sight.

"Y/n, let me fuck you. Please, I think I might die." Post orgasmic pleasure was still thrumming through your body and you yourself weren't sure if you could take anymore. But the longer you looked down at his leaking hardness, the more you wanted it inside you, the more you needed it inside you.

"Do it. Mmm, put it in." A shiver travels up your body when you feel the tip of his cock press against your folds.

This was dangerous. Despite living with Hoseok for all these years, you didn't know his sexual history and neither of you had a condom on you. Him coming inside sounded so good right now but that wasn't an option.

Hoseok was just as thick as you remembered and it was evident in the way he struggled to fit the tip of his cock inside you. If you weren't so wet, he definitely wouldn't be going in as easy.

"Hoseok, ah, fuck, it hurts-" You didn't know how to describe this feeling. It hurt so good. Out of all the guys you've ever slept with you've never felt anyone so big and thick and fuck, your vibrator was so tiny compared to him. That along with the sensitivity thrumming through your core had you reeling.

He finally bottoms out and your legs instinctively wrap around his waist as if to tell him you loved the way he filled you up. Your nails drag lightly over his back as you part your lips to catch your breath. You're not the only one that needs a minute to breathe, though. Hoseok's breath was coming out in ragged pants against your neck as he adjusted to the warm tightness of your insides.

"God, I've imagined doing this so many times. Why didn't we do this sooner?" Hoseok tilts his head up, finally meeting your eyes and why does this feel awfully intimate? You nod in response, biting your lip to suppress the moan crawling out of your throat as he slowly starts to move his hips.

"Fuck, mmhnn, Hoseok..." You let your head fall back against the pillows as he steadily picks up pace, his cock brushing against that spot inside you that has you seeing stars.

"You take me so good, shit! Almost... mmh, almost like your pussy was made for me." You never expected Hoseok to be much of a dirty talker but you were definitely not against it. If he kept this up you'd be coming for the second time tonight.

All of a sudden, his thrusts start to slow down. You were already so close, was he seriously about to stop? You flash a confused expression his way and there's a dark glint in his eyes as he changes positions so he's sitting up, bringing you into his lap with him.

Oh.

Oh.

"Cmon, baby, ride me like this." Hoseok says through gritted teeth. His hands slide down your spine and rest on your backside before grabbing a handful. You can't help bucking your hips forward in response. "I wanna see what you look like bouncing on me."

There's a look of complete hunger in his eyes, something so dark compared to the usual warmness of his irises. You let your eyes flicker down to his lips, red and swollen from being bitten too hard. He must've noticed because he lets out a mix between a scoff and a chuckle before letting his hand wrap around the back of your neck and pulling you in for a kiss.

all the anxiety flowing through your veins seems to disappear as his mouth works expertly against yours. You part you lips to let out a moan and he uses the opportunity coax you with his tongue. He was literally taking you apart from the inside out and you fucking loved it.

"Y/n." His voice comes out rough and mean against your lips and you gasp when the hand on your ass is forcing you to grind your hips against his. "Are you going to move or do I have to do that, too?"

"Yeah..." Your lips ghosted against his as you started moving on top of him. The first time you lower your hips down, your legs almost give out. He was filling you up and pressing against your walls beautifully. You could feel him in your throat.

"I know you can go faster. Should I help you?" Hoseok practically growls as his hands drift up to your waist, his thumbs kneading the skin there as he moves your body up and down as if you weigh nothing. With Hoseok helping you, you're moving way faster and there's way less strain on your legs.

"Fuck, you look perfect like this. I wish I could come inside you, fill you up and watch it spill out. Then you'd really be mine, hm?" You let out loud moan, unsure whether it was Hoseok's words or the way he was pounding into you that caused it.

"So close... I'm so-" You tuck your face into Hoseok's shoulder as you feel another moan rip through you. Maybe that wasn't your smartest idea because as soon as you tuck your face into his shoulder, his natural musk mixed with his sweet-smelling body wash fills your senses, and that's exactly what pushes you over the edge.

You clench around Hoseok as your orgasm hits you hard for the second time tonight. Mumbled curses of your name spill from his lips and his thrusts become uneven. In the heat of the moment, you bite down on his shoulder to stifle a cry and his nails dig into the skin at your waist, a low groan falling from his lip as he pulls your hips down hard against his. He repeats that motion two, three more times before he's pumping you full of his come.

Oops.

Hoseok lets you rest your head against his shoulder as you both catch your breath before his eyes shoot open and he curses.

"What? What's wrong?" You tilt your head up to meet is worry riddled eyes. His worry was making you worry.

"Fuck, y/n, I came inside you." Hoseok facepalms before letting out a groan. "I'm so sorry, you just felt so good and you were so tight around me. It felt like you were trying to milk my cock out of everything it's got."

"You don't seem very sorry, you're still inside me." You giggle as Hoseok curses again and pulls out of you. As soon as he's out you feel terribly empty and you kind of wish he'd put his dick back inside.

When your back finally hits the bed, you roll over to open your bedside table. You didn't have any condoms but you did have some emergency plan b. You didn't think you'd have to use it but here you are.

"You just have plan b hanging around in your nightstand? But no condoms?" Hoseok raises an eyebrow, a hint of a smile on his face.

"I ran out a while ago and it's not like I've been having sex recently, so I never found the need to buy more. It's your fault for pouncing on me like a dog in heat." You roll your eyes as you open the packet and take a pill.

"Weren't you the one that stole my clothes because my smell turns you on? Talk about a dog in heat..." Hoseok laughs and you give him a slap on the chest.

"Touche..."

★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★

[© seokiie]

[I do not allow any translating, editing, reposting, or use of any my work!!]

[kozumekenza]

on my mind :: five

:: suna rintarou x f!reader :: playlist :: masterlist ::

:: taglist: open :: wc: 2.2k ::

After a drunken one-night stand with your ex, you thought you could get him out of your life for good. Unfortunately, the two of you can’t seem to keep away from each other. Why can’t you leave each other alone? And more importantly, why is he still on your mind?

tw: alcohol, profanity, mentions of sex

author’s note: this chapter is v self-indulgent + fluffy but i hard a hard time getting it to flow while covering everything, so i’m sorry if it some parts seem kinda confusing. as always, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy this chapter <3

After another week of deliberation, you were no closer to determining if another relationship with Suna would be worth a shot. You didn’t hear from him or speak to him at practice, even after you rejoined the team on the court later in the week. He kept his distance, seemingly wary of talking to you after you left him at his kitchen table Saturday morning. 

You weren’t quite sure what to make of it. Based on his reaction Saturday, you guessed he was probably pissed at you, and you didn’t blame him. He had specifically warned you about regrets on Friday night, and you completely blew him off, just to tell him you regretted everything the next day. It was a dick move on your part, and you understood that. There weren’t any excuses; it was simply your drunk versus sober self warring against each other. 

Nonetheless, you still felt awful. You kept your distance; you didn’t want to further anger Suna with your presence. During practice, you kept to the sidelines, performing your duties with a calculating eye and absolute precision. 

Still, by the end of the week, you were exhausted. Besides the intense contemplation you were performing in your head, work was also draining. Sakusa Kiyoomi sprained his wrist (apparently, it happened quite often), Yaku Morisuke nearly tore his ACL (a devastating injury for a libero), and on top of it all, Hinata Shoyo somehow managed to break two toes, his pinky finger, and got a concussion. Top it all off with the fact that Tobio Kageyama was always hovering over Hinata when he was injured, questioning your every move, and you had a recipe for disaster (or at least extreme exhaustion). By the time Friday’s afternoon practice was finished, you were ready to fall asleep while standing up.

You said your goodbyes to the team, approved the weekend’s schedule with Iwaizumi (it was your turn to work Sunday’s practice match), and took the train home. After unlocking your apartment, you debated whether or not you should go straight to bed without dinner or suck it up and make something quick and easy. In the end, your desire to not wake up starving at five in the morning won, and you went to change before starting dinner. You threw on some old running shorts and Suna’s stolen jersey, which had become your new favorite sleep shirt (who could blame you, it was comfortable as hell). 

However, a quick search through your cabinets and fridge showed that you had almost no food, whatsoever. Not a big deal, you could just run to the convenience store down the street. 

So you did, with no makeup, dressed in sleep clothes, hair in a messy bun. 

Grabbing a basket, you made your way around the small store, ignoring the stares you received from other customers (you chose to believe it was just because of your tangled hair, but you knew it was because you were wearing a Japanese National Team jersey). You picked up some eggs and noodles for ramen, along with some broth. You were in the frozen food aisle, considering the merits of cookies and cream versus matcha ice cream, when someone tentatively called your name.

You spun around, cursing yourself for not at least putting on a jacket, when you began to curse yourself even more for wearing the stupid jersey. 

You came face to face with Suna Rintarou, who was considering you with a pained expression on his face. 

“Hey, Suna,” you switched your basket from one hip to the other, “what are you doing here?”

He held up the package in his hand. Jelly fruit sticks. “Had a craving.”

You inclined your head. “Cool.”

“What about you?”

You looked down at the basket. “Needed stuff to make ramen.”

He nodded, then looked off to the side before looking back at you. “Um, y/n, who’s jersey is that?”

Panicking, you laughed. “Just an extra I found.”

“Really? It has my name on the back.”

Shit. “Oh, well, must be a coincidence, I guess.”

He cocked his head to the side. “I also lost mine a few weeks ago.”

“Oh wow, that’s awful, I’m sorry.” You turned, trying to make an escape.

“Y/n.”

You looked back at Suna. “Yeah?”

“That’s my jersey.”

You laughed again, dread really becoming apparent now. “What? No way.”

Suna just continued looking at you. “Your bra is at my apartment.”

You quickly shook your head. “No-”

“So is your torn skirt.”

“No, tha-”

“We slept together.”

“Yeah, but only-”

“Twice.”

“No, def-”

“And you knew.”

You were really starting to panic, hands waving around, like that would somehow convince him. “No, no, no.”

Suna looked you in the eye. “We need to talk.”

You sighed, accepting defeat. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

---

After awkwardly paying for your food and an even more awkward walk back to your apartment, you and Suna were finally in private.

“D’ya want anything to drink? Water, soda, juice? Wine, something a little stronger? Vodka?”

Suna just sighed, shrugging out of his jacket. “Water’s fine, thanks.”

You poured him a glass of water and yourself a glass of wine, but not before taking a few shots of vodka. You were going to need it to get through this. You approached with the glasses, setting one down in front of Suna before curling up on the other end of the couch. 

“Nice place you got.”

“Thanks.” You sipped from your glass, waiting for Suna to make the first move. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to speak until you did, you spoke up. “I’m-”

“We-”

You laughed, setting down your glass. “You can go first.”

Suna took a deep breath. “We both have fucked up, in the past and now. I’ll admit it. The way I treated you in high school was shitty, and it’s taken me a long time to own up to it. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you back then. And I don’t know if it’s you getting back at me, or purely coincidental, but I’m kinda hurt that you hid this from me. I mean, for fuck’s sake, y/n, I talked about it in front of you. And you just kept quiet!” You silently watched as Suna took a sip of water. “I guess my main question is why. Why didn’t you say anything to me? Were you just hoping that I would never find out?”

You assessed Suna, allowing yourself a moment to think. “I didn’t hide it from you to get back at you. I’ve long since forgiven you for all of the shit in high school, and it wasn’t just you. I was immature and insecure back then, so for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I think I didn’t say anything because I was scared. I mean, I woke up that morning in your apartment, with no memory of the night before, and I hadn’t seen you in eight years. I had no clue what happened or why I was there. I didn’t know why you were in Tokyo, and honestly, I thought you would’ve been disgusted. We hadn’t spoken to each other in a long, long time. I didn’t want our first meeting after all those years to be an awkward morning-after. And about the jersey,” you laughed a little to yourself, “that was pure coincidence. I had no clue what I had taken until I got home, and I had no idea how to return it.”

Suna nodded, seemingly thinking something over before speaking. “I forgive you. I’m not even that upset about everything, to be honest. I think it just kind of hurts that you kept it from me. And I’ll admit, I was really bothered when you just left last Saturday. I don’t know how much of what you said Friday night is true, and I was a little drunk too, but I meant everything. I didn’t want you to have any regrets, and I don’t regret it.” He chuckled to himself, “I mean obviously, I wish we had slept together under different circumstances, and I wish that you didn’t regret it either, because it clearly made you upset.”

“I think it just took me by surprise, that was all. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk and sleep with you again, and I did exactly that. I was upset at myself, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.” You made eye contact with him, hoping that your eyes could convey the emotions that your words could not. “For what it’s worth, I meant everything as well. I did miss you, all those years we were apart, but I hope you understand why I had to leave back then. We were tearing each other apart, constantly. I had to do the hard thing and get out before there was nothing left.” Tears started to well up in your eyes, and you quickly wiped them away. “I had to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because I loved you,” your voice broke, “no, because I still love you, so much. For eight years, I focused on bettering myself, and I tried every single day to forget about you, but you were always on my mind. And I was terrified when I saw you again, fuck, I’m still terrified. But you’re my best friend, you always have been, and I love you, Rin.” You couldn’t stop the tears that were flowing now, after bearing your heart. You let Suna pull you in, and cried into his chest as he stroked your hair and whispered calming words. When the tears finally stopped, you remained tucked into Suna, your head underneath his chin. 

“I never stopped thinking about you, or loving you.” Now Suna was the one who sounded close to tears. “You can ask ‘Tsumu. I always asked him for updates on you. I remember, when I got my National Team letter, the first thing I did was ask ‘Tsumu if you’d be a trainer here. I kept up with you, and I knew you had just completed your training with another team. So I knew you were gonna be here, and I thought, maybe, just maybe, this was my chance. Our chance to fix the whole ‘right person, wrong time’ thing we had. ‘Cause that’s what I’m convinced it was. We just didn’t know how to balance each other out yet or how to be in a real relationship yet. We were still kids, learning about ourselves and the world. When you left, I was determined to not make it the last time I ever saw you. I knew you had to leave, had to find your place in the world, without me. I never blamed you. You did the hard part by leaving. What you didn’t know, though,” Suna hugged you a little closer, “is that I was always there, right next to you, cheering you on.” Now the both of you were crying. “I want to fix things with you, make things right. If there’s anything I learned last Friday,” Suna gave a wet laugh, “it’s that we can still talk to each other, and we can do it better than we ever did. I want to be with you, again. I want there to be an us, again.”

You sat up a little, putting some space between the two of you. This, you weren’t so sure about. You looked to the side, trying to avoid Suna’s pleading eye contact. “Rin,” you looked back up at him, “you know I love you. You know I missed you so, so much. But I just need a little bit more time. And I’m sorry to even ask you-”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay.” He held you close as you began crying again. “I understand, I do. I’ll wait, as long as you need me too, I’ll wait for you. Just promise me that you’ll let me know when you’re ready.”

You nodded against his chest. “I promise, Rintarou. Thank you.”

You stayed there, head on his chest, just listening to his heartbeat. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. It was nice to get everything off of your chest, to figure out where the both of you stood with each other. It was nice to know that you would have the time and space to sort your head out, to fully work out if a relationship with Suna was a good idea or not. There were still so many aspects of your high school relationship that you had pushed to the side years ago, and you needed to sort through it. You needed to separate that Suna from this Suna, the old you from the present you. You needed time to be in a better mental state, one where you could give him your all. 

But you knew, no matter how much time it took, Suna would be waiting for you. 

---

When Suna finally left your apartment, it was hours and a teary goodbye later. You promised to keep in touch, and he promised to give you time and space. 

You went to bed feeling significantly lighter, dreaming about a future where you could fall asleep on Suna’s chest every single night. 

taglist: @sunasexual @call-me-lulu​ @ntimacy​ @circleglasses​ @porcolie​ @keikotaro 

[peterpan-ouat-imagines]

Request!!!

Hey you guys! Some of y’all have sent in requests which I am really flattered that you enjoy my writing and I am honestly SO excited to do these!  here is the first one that someone gave me and I really hope you enjoy it!!!  Also if you sent one and I haven’t responded, know that I have seen it, it just will not allow me to message you privately about it just publicly.  Anyway here is the first for @welcome-to-americanawritings​ !  I crossed some of it out so there wouldn’t be any spoilers for those who don’t know what it is about.

I love you, I hate you- Part 1

“Babe wake up,” I feel my sexy boyfriend nudge me speaking in his smooth English voice, “It’s time to start the day,”

My eyes slowly open and I yawn tired, “uhhh it’s 9am can’t we sleep in a little longer?” I groan.

“Get up y/n, the lost boys have already begun getting breakfast together I let you sleep in an extra hour,” he tells me a bit more serious.

“Come ere,” I tell him and he sits close to me as I start sitting up. I roll on top of him and start kissing him.

“Y/n, stop it we have to get going,” he tells me but I continue.

“Come on it doesn’t have to be long, you know you want it,” I tell him as I continue.

I feel his body start giving into it and move my hand down to his cock and begin stroking it slowly, “Okay just 10 minutes though,” he tells me.

He starts kissing me back as his dick hardens in my hand and he rolls on top me as our skin tangles.  He starts taking his pants off and I lift up my night gown and take my panties off.  I feel his hand on my pussy as he rubs it and I can tell we want each other.  Our physical chemistry is always the best.  I feel him put his large hard dick inside me and he begins kissing my neck as I lay my cheek on the pillow.  He thrusts harder each time and I can tell we are both starting to get close.  After a thrust he cums in me and I do it with him both of us moaning.

“Do we have to go out?  We could just do more of that all day” I smirk hugging him.

“Y/n, everyone has to do there part and that includes you,” he tells me.

“I’m your girlfriend, that should give me some ability to not follow everything that is supposed to happen? Besides the obvious that comes with being yours in physical and romantic ways of course,” I ask and bat my eyes.

“You get special treatment all the time,” he tells me and I sigh knowing he is right.

I get up and change into gray leggings and a green tank top and boots and go out to where all the lost boys are.

They all have already helped themselves but it’s fine because at least they aren’t rude about me not preparing it all. I get a plate and help myself to what I want. I sit next to Lee who was one of the newest lost boys here on the island that lots of the guys have been avoiding so I’ve been trying to make him feel more welcome. I smile and ask him how he is with adjusting and everything.

After we are done eating I help clean up. It’s the least I can do since I didn’t help in the morning.

Afterwards Pan announces that we will be doing target practice.  What this is is practice shooting arrows which is pretty straight forward.  If we want to take it up a notch we can put apples on our heads and have someone shoot it.  We all grab our apple and dip the tip of our arrows in dream shade which is this deadly black liquid that’s found inside thorns of these bushes.  It is insane how quick it can take a life.  

I start shooting and hit the apple each time.  A couple times I’m a little off but nothing too bad.  I get bored working alone and start asking others if we can do it the “funner way” as I call it.  Shooting it off the others head.  I know it shouldn’t be more fun but something about risking a life like that is so exhilarating. It’s an extremely adrenaline rush.

A couple people agree who I trust and know are skilled because it would be horrible if someone went just an inch or two lower.  Lee comes over and asks if he can join but we tell him it is too advance for him which is true.  He literally came here knowing nothing about survival instincts.  He never has gone camping or fishing or hunting we are teaching him it all.  Mostly me because none of the other guys are willing to help out.  I feel like I’m mothering him in the ways of Neverland.

I peek over and see him not being able to hit a single apple.  I go over, “You’re gripping the bow too tight,” I critique as I examine his form, “Also you can’t stand like that,” I tell him with his legs pressed together, “You need more of a stance, put your dominant foot in front and non dominant foot a step back.  That’s what I do at least,” I share and watch him readjust himself.

“Th-thanks y/n, it might help more if you show me,” he tells me.  I nod and come up behind him and grab his tight fist and tell him to relax his hand and then I slowly squeeze his to the point he needs and move his feet around kicking them with my foot.  I step back and he tries again and succeeds.

“There you go,” I tell him.  

“Thanks y/n, you’re really helpful,” he blushes.

“Anytime,” I smile softly and walk away.

We finish up target practice and as most days we just hang out doing whatever we want. I choose to go to mermaid lagoon to hang out with my friends there. As gentle and sweet as the name sounds it really isn’t. The water is a dark blue and there’s a lot of large dark mossy rocks and not a whole lot of light shines through. I’ve swam in it before and When I tried going to the bottom it lit up this bright glimmery light blue which freaked me out with how much it contrasted the above and I never went in again since. The merpeople are great but the place gives me the creeps a little.

“Y/n!” This mermaid Selena exclaims and swims over to me. She’s always so enthusiastic I love her energy.

Soon a lot of the mermaids swim over to me greeting me, “Hey you guys!” I say.

We start chatting talking about the latest gossip and I tell them about what’s new on my side, “Yeah there’s this new guy who came here last week, Lee. Poor thing he doesn’t know the slightest thing. He’s been needing my help teaching him everything,” I share, “He’s too afraid to ask the others for instruction. I tell them about this morning.

They all start to give me smirks as if there’s something that’s not being said, “Oh honey don’t you see? He likes you!” Alice says.

“Lee? Like me? You’re lying. Anyway I’m happily in a relationship,” I tell them.

“Does Lee know that?” Gwen asks.

“I mean… he should. I haven’t said anything about it to him but that doesn’t mean someone else hasn’t said it. I mean who would want to have Pan so infuriated by hitting or making a move on me?” I comment. They all nod agreeing with me.

“Just watch for the signs,” Selena tells me.

We talk for a while longer and then I head my own way.

I go back to camp where most people are hanging out and I join in. I go and hangout with all the other guys fucking around and doing stupid shit. It gets later and darker and I haven’t seen Pan at all since the morning.

“Has anyone seen Pan today?” I ask. Everyone says no, “I’m gonna go look for him,” I look around. I go in his cave and in his tent he does business in. He isn’t in either of the places. I go in the woods with a flashlight and head to his thinking tree, he goes there when he has to be alone but of course I would never step foot close. No one would. “Pan? Are you out here?” I shout. It’s deadly quiet. I know it means nothing but still I’m really freaked out. I head on back fearing something will come get me for no reason. I know he’s a big boy and can take care of himself though. He would tell me if he were going somewhere so I’m not worried.

I head on back to camp and hang with everyone again drinking and they start playing games with all the alcohol but I know if I have too much I regret it because of stuff that I’ll do or say that is not intentional. Of course no one here knows that because I have been drunk around them yet. I always drink to the point I feel it and then stop.

I watch as everyone else gets wasted making fools of themselves and I wobble off to bed making a somewhat discreet exit as usual. Pan still isn’t there and I start to get worried.

The next day I wake up on time putting on some clothes and yawn exhausted as I stand next to each of the other boys on the end. I hadn’t seen Pan since last morning which is really weird and starting to worry me. Felix comes around and stands in front of us to give orders.

“Where’s Pan?” Someone asks before Felix can open his mouth.

“He has business to attend to. He left last morning and will be back today sometime,” he tells all of us in his flat voice. I swear Felix tries to say as little as possible about everything, he’s so ominous it’s annoying, “Now are we going to talk about Pan or let me say what to do to prepare for breakfast,” half of us roll our eyes.

He sets us off in groups, “Lee, y/n, you two are picking berries,” he tells us plainly as he gives us orders. I get a bit uncomfortable after the mermaids told me about what there thoughts on it all was.

I go over to Felix as everyone disperses, “Is there anyway I could not work with Lee? He’s cool and all it’s just I could use a break from the new guy,” I explain avoiding the real reasoning for how I don’t want to seem like I’m leading him on.

He stares at me with expressionless eyes, “Y/n you have been the only one willing to deal with him. He is not good at anything which is why he has the easiest task there is. No one has patience like you for these sort of things,” he gets stern with me.

“Lee come on let’s go,” I tell him wanting nothing more than to see Pan and hug him. I need to see someone I love right now. I just don’t get why he didn’t tell me he was going on a trip.

He follows me into the woods and I show him where the berries are and which ones are good to eat and which are not. He stays really close the whole time and the awkwardness is kicking in. I watch him do it himself and we head back.

“Hey y/n. Can I ask you something?” He asks me not making anymore distance between us as I inch away some.

“Go ahead what is it?” I answer.

“Why do none of the other lost boys want to be around me? Is it because I’m new or something?” He asks and I don’t know what to say. If I were to be honest and say how he doesn’t know shit about survival instincts that would hurt his feelings terribly. And I’m too nice for that.

“It’s not that they don’t want to be around you. It just takes a while to find your place when you first get to this island. I was the same way but I impressed everyone by-“

“Y/n! Watch out!” Lee pulls me hard to the side by my waist as an arrow shoots through the trees.

I feel weird having his hands there noticing another sign as I was told to lookout for as he doesn’t move them, “Do you mind moving your hands?” I ask. Once they are lowered the awkwardness still lingers on my end but I try to look past it. I lean out and see two guys squatting in a tree with bows, “Really you guys?! You almost killed us!” I yell angry.

“Your bleeding!” One of them shouts and then they duck and head out.

I look and feel a pain in my upper arm and see it got nicked. Luckily they forgot to dip it in dreamshade.

“Ugh! This is a WONDERFUL start to the day!” I exclaim irritated.

“You really should soak that. There’s a river right where the berry bush was,” Lee tells me.

I roll my eyes, “I’m fine I can wrap a bandage just fine when we get back,” I huff and storm back to camp pissed off not paying attention to if Lee is keeping up with me or not.

When I get back I go to the medical hut where there really isn’t much besides bandages. I force my chin down on one half of my forearm as I get the wrap started. I wrap it tighter than I should that my skin squeezes out more than it probably should.

I come out and see that everything is getting started. Knowing Pan comes back today is the only thing that is getting me through. It’s just the annoying anticipation of when he will be here.

Everything gets gathered together and we eat. I hangout with Felix.

“It must be hard, Pan being gone,” he tells me.

“It’s only been a night Felix, I can survive without him, I did all those years leading up to now. I just wish he would have told me why,” I say sighing after the last part.

“I might know why,” he says quietly,“Im not sure why he’s there during the daytime but for the evening I know he’s been wanting to see this girl from London, her name is Wendy,”

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Ouroboros (S2, E8)

The hiatus almost killed me. So glad we have new content <3

As usual, my time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:04 - That scarf is so extra.

0:26 - OH LOOK THE FIRST SUNSHINE SIGHTING OF SEASON TWO!!! It only took 8 episodes. *insert eyeroll*

0:40 - Ugh. This montage makes me hate Hoxley. He embodies the type of human I abhor: self-important, egotistic, obsessed with appearance.

1:19 - “No I didn’t.” LMAO. Mr. David is so done with Martin’s bullshit.

1:36 - That makeshift shiv in the dude’s arm.....that’s Daryl’s shiv from a few episodes ago right? Am I going crazy?

 2:25 - Sooooo Birdie hasn’t left New York? She’s moved into the Milton’s “Murrayville Building”. Huh. Wait. Was Birdie in the house when Malcolm and Ainsley fought? Do you think she heard?!? Birdie might become a problem for the Whitly’s later this season....I hope?

2:43 - Jessica doesn’t know about the contents of the fight. Interesting. How long has it been since the end of 2x7? 

2:58 - “I’ll be there at 8.” hahaha OMG. I swear Malcolm was a terror during his ‘rebellious teenager’ phase.

3:38 - Yep. This fog horn reinforces the fact that I believe Hoxley is a dick. 

3:40 - Awww.... the way Malcolm jumps/flinches at the fog horn is both hilarious and adorable.

3:58 - “And who the hell are you?” YES GIL. YES. Don’t let him talk like that to Malcolm <3

4:04 - Duuuuude. Gil looks pissed and scared. He does not like Europol snooping around his crimes. ALSO I’m like 95% sure that Gil knows (or at least has a hunch) that Malcolm is somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. I’m pretty sure Gil is scared that this dude is going to try and arrest Malcolm. 

4:07 - OMG. JT is adorable. “You’re that guy. The mind sleuth.” Personal headcanon: JT read Hoxley’s book to try and understand Malcolm better. 

4:22 - DANI IS MY QUEEN. SHE IS MY ICON. I LOVE HER SO FREAKING MUCH. “No.” This girl is fierce. <3

4:23 - <3 <3 Malcolm’s heart eyes, head tilt, and visible pride is so so so precious. THIS is why he’s attracted to Dani. She’s not afraid to assert herself. 

4:31 - “And then took in his son.” ....Okay, so this infuriated me. Nothing Hoxley is saying is untrue. BUT something about the way he’s saying it just gets under my skin. 

4:45 - I think Hoxley is pissing me off so much because he’s psychoanalyzing Malcolm in front three of the people Malcolm trusts and loves most in the world (3 out of a very very short list of people). He’s trying to humiliate Malcolm and I hate it. I hate that Dani, JT, and Gil haven’t told Hoxley to shut up. I hate that Hoxley is trying to drive stakes of doubt into the three people whose opinion Malcolm treasures. 

5:25 - “Aim a little lower, Whitly.” and and and.....then Hoxley looks to the team as though he wants them to laugh. I’m furious. 

5:32 - THANK YOU GIL. STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM MALCOLM

6:04 - Malcolm is so obvious. There’s no way that the team doesn’t know that he was involved with Endicott’s murder. If they didn’t before this episode - they HAVE to know now. Right? They’re detectives. Malcolm is a terrible liar. 

7:00 - Oh. So now Ainsley cares about the crime. Now it’s “how much trouble are we in”. And let’s be real. Ainsley doesn’t even seem very worried or scared. She’s concerned that the crime will get out - she’s not sorry she committed the crime. She’s not sorry that her big brother tried to take the fall for her. 

7:15 - “We said no more secrets.” ...when. When did you two say that? Was there a ‘fight part 2 - the tentative truce’ that we didn’t get to see?

7:33 - A mention of Sophie Sanders. Finally. I still hope she comes out of the woodwork and takes the fall for this. I want more closure on her. Did the team ever find out that Malcolm found her? How did the Eddie murder finally get resolved (I’m not satisfied with the “not every case gets solved” line)?

7:42 - Yo. I don’t care about the time constraint of a 45 minute episode. I don’t care that it was required to move the plot along. The fact that Ainsley starts typing frantically into the computer at about 7:42, stops typing at 7:47ish and has found at least 4 different articles relating to murdered random people (who apparently helped hide Endicott’s body?) is SO UNREALISTIC. I just can’t. I can’t suspend my disbelief on this one. The article headlines say nothing about ‘couriers’. It’s stuff like ‘Local fisherman found dead’. HOW THE HELL WOULD AINSLEY KNOW THEY WERE HELPING MALCOLM IN LESS THAN 10 SECONDS OF GOOGLING?!? Nope. I can’t justify this one. Fedak - you dropped the ball.

8:40 - Poor Malcolm looks terrified. :( 

9:04 - My first impression of Natalie was that she’s a beautiful young lady who seems really sweet and a little socially awkward. Kudos to the actress.

9:41 - Another mention of Sophie. God - I hope she becomes a twist in this season’s storyline. I’m not content with how her story arc ended. 

10:21 - “I didn’t have anything to do with Endicott’s death and neither did Jessica.” Yep. Gil definitely knows (or at least suspects) that Ainsley and Malcolm are somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. It’s killing me that we’re not getting the big “team and/or Gil find out and/or confront Malcolm about it” moment. 

10:31 - OMG. Alan Cumming’s eyebrow wag here. hahahahaha

10:35 - Look at how pissed off Gil is as soon as Hoxley suggests that he and Jessica have a romantic history. 1) Gil still has it bad for Jessica (and is hurt that she rejected him again 2) Gil’s a pretty private dude and probably doesn’t like his personal business being speculated upon by a total stranger with ill intent 3) Gil is also getting protective of the Whitly’s. Not just Jessica but Malcolm (and maybe Ainsley) too. 

10:58 - Europol agents aren’t allowed to make arrests?!? THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF HOXLEY’S CHARACTER?!? TO DRIVE DOUBT INTO THE MINDS OF THE TEAM WITH REGARDS TO MALCOLM?!? FOR REAL. WHY?! TO FORCE GIL TO ARREST MALCOLM AND AINSLEY?!?!

11:08 - “To watch you put the cuffs on Mr.Endicott’s killer. Deal?” “Deal.” oooooooohhhhhh no. I do not like the foreshadowing here. If Gil has to arrest Ainsley and/or Malcolm.....idek. Part of me wants to watch it for the emotional whump (of all parties - including Jessica). Part of me wants to ugly cry at the thought of it though.

11:39 - “How do you know so much about yachts?” ....THANK YOU JT. DANI HAS A STRANGE AMOUNT OF NAVAL KNOWLEDGE IN THIS EPISODE AND WE ALL KNOW “I watch a lot of Below Deck” IS UTTER HORSE CRAP. Ugh. I want to know more about Dani and JT’s personal lives. So. Badly. 

11:44 - <3 <3 <3 The look Malcolm and JT exchange when Dani claims that she watches a lot of Below Deck is absolutely precious. It’s like they’re best friends and/or brothers. They both knew Dani was lying. <3

11:54 - “At least he’s the real deal.” Ouch. I honestly can’t tell if JT is just teasing Malcolm here or if JT genuinely believes this. ....Is this JT’s way to letting Malcolm know that he has suspicions about his involvement with Endicott’s death?

12:06 - “Says the guy who bought his book.” HA. Dani is on fire this episode. The snark queen. Look at how pleased Malcolm is that Dani is defending him. <3 Warms my cold dead heart.

12:09 - annnnndd now JT is definitely teasing Malcolm. “What our boy Bright needs is a moniker.” hahaha watching Dani and JT come up with stupid profiler monikers was so cute. I love it when the team gangs up to (lovingly) tease Malcolm.

12:30 - “No. Nothing yet.” Again - Malcolm is a terrible liar. The team must know that he’s involved with this thing. They’re detectives. 

12:59 - Martin’s physical reaction to Malcolm saying, “No. That woman does not deserve to die.” Is HILARIOUS. Martin is so freaking desperate for Malcolm to become a serial killer that he doesn’t even care the Ainsley has already murdered someone. 

13:19 - “He has a perfect track record.”.....what? So does that mean he’s solved every case he’s ever worked on? Taken credit for solving every case he’s ever work on? Hand picked the cases he works on so he knows he can solve them? Probably a combination of the above. Sometime about Hoxley reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. You feel me?

13:23 - The fact that Tom Payne (a Brit) is being told that Hoxley has “perfect teeth. For a Brit” by a Welsh man is hilarious.

13:34 - Does this fish packing joint have no security?!? Like Malcolm didn’t have to pick a lock or anything. He just walked right in (and he’s not being quiet).

13:51 - “I can think ruthless. I don’t know if I can be ruthless.” THIS. THIS is Malcolm in a nutshell. Think about Nicky Covington. Malcolm wanted to act ruthless but he couldn’t. He ended up saving Nicky because he couldn’t go through with his ruthless plan. That’s the difference between Malcolm and (quite frankly) the rest of his family. Jessica, Martin, and Ainsley can all be ruthless. All of them. Jessica on a lesser degree but Martin and Ainsley are confidently ruthless. Often.

13:57 - Ok. For real though. HOW HAS NO ONE OVERHEARD THESE PHONE CALLS BETWEEN MARTIN AND MALCOLM. THE PHONES HAVE TO BE TAPPED RIGHT?!? IN A SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR MURDERERS?!? and I stg that Mr. David knows things. That man is not a moron and he’s pieced stuff together (not from this scene obviously, but still).

14:13. - “Why don’t I break out.” The fact that Malcolm hasn’t mentioned that Martin wants to escape to anyone (since 2x4) is really stressing me out. I know Martin’s going to break out - the promos have made that very obvious but I’m still anxious about it. Mostly I’m worried for the health and safety of Malcolm (and Gil, Jessica, Dani, JT, Edrisa...).

14:17 - “We all go on the run together.” Martin is delusional. He thinks that the whole family will go on the run with him?!?!?  He might be able to convince Ainsley. He might be able to blackmail or threaten Malcolm. BUT Jessica? She’s not going willingly. Hell - she might kill him herself if Martin escapes and tries to come near her (which.....I would actually kind of like to see).

14:48 - The fact that Malcolm apologizes to a corps is so precious. Really reinforces the fact that Malcolm is not a killer. 

15:00 - Oh look. Another scene for Malcolm’s nightmares. “The time I cut off a dead guy’s thumb to protect my sister”

15:24 - annnndd Malcolm is really close to having a panic attack. Look at that face. :( Someone give this guy a hug. Please.

15:34 - Where the HELL is Edrisa!?!?!?

15:42 - Malcolm, you utter moron. What possessed your stupid ass to show up at a crime scene with a soaking wet arm and draw attention to your arm by shaking it?!?! WHEN THE BODY WAS JUST DRAGGED OUT OF A VAT OF WATER. AND YOU TAMPERED WITH THE BODY?!!? YOU DUMBASS. 

15:52 - This is Gil - terrified. He’s scared because 1) he knows Malcolm is lying , 2) he’s concerned for Malcolm’s mental health and 3) he’s starting to think that either a) Malcolm killed this guy, b) Malcolm knows who killed this guy and is obstructing justice, or c) Hoxley is going to pin this on Malcolm and Gil won’t be able to save him.

16:14 - “I’m never buying frozen fish again.” hahaha Dani is killing it this episode. <3

16:23 - Check out how Gil is staring at Malcolm. Gil totally thinks Malcolm has the thumb.

16:50 - “Older model” Shit. Seriously? Are finger print scanners on phones old?!? My phone isn’t that old......I got it 6 years ago? 

17:16 - MALCOLM IS A TERRIBLE LIAR. Honestly, the pure terror on his face throughout most of this episode screams “I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDER.” If the team hasn’t pieced this together yet they’re not worthy of being detectives.

17:29 - I’m not going to lie. I had to fast forward through the Martin/Capshaw scenes for the rewatch. I find them so upsetting to watch. I just can’t do it more than once. Their whole dynamic is gross, creepy, and just ugh. 

20:00 - Jessica and Hoxley talking about Endicott’s death is so satisfying. 

20:35 - “Jessica Whitly. Played for a fool. Yet. Again.” Ok Hoxley. You are not allowed to disrespect my girl Jessica like that. 

21:10 - The biggest problem with Jessica and Gil’s “mock interrogations” by Hoxley is that neither of them mention Ainsley or Malcolm. It’s super suspicious. They mention other people by name. People who should be connected to Ainsley and/or Malcolm given the context of the sentence. Hoxley is a moron for not nailing Ainsley and Malcolm for the crime during this episode. It’s so so so obvious.

21:19 - hahahahahahahaha Jessica grabbing the martini out of Hoxley’s hands. hahahahaha I stan.

21:35 - annnnnd Jessica is a terrible liar as well. Seriously - why doesn’t she just say “ENDICOTT WAS KILLED OVER HERE!!”. Another parallel between her and Malcolm though. Malcolm + Jessica can’t lie well. Ainsley + Martin are expert liars.

22:54 - Again. Ainsley is intrigued at the fact that Malcolm has a thumb in his freezer. Much like Martin would be if he knew. Jessica on the other hand shares Malcolm’s fear and disgust about the situation.

23:00- “We”?!!?!? AINSLEY YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. MALCOLM HAS BEEN COVERING FOR YOUR ASS. YOU JUST HAVEN’T TURNED YOURSELF IN AFTER YOU REMEMBERED. THAT’S YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THE “KEEPING ENDICOTT’S MURDER A SECRET” SITUATION. 

23:07 - “Do you even see what you are doing to him.” This line both terrified and delighted me. On one hand - I’m grateful that Jessica can see how much emotional pain Malcolm is in because of this situation. One the other hand - Ainsley looks pissed that Jessica is blaming her for Malcolm’s general brokenness. If Ainsley goes full serial killer - Malcolm is going to be on her list. “The brother that overshadowed her.” “The favourite child” “The reason she had to be a perfect daughter” “The reason she was ignored”

23:32 - “Got it.” Damn. Ainsley is bitter. She wants to control this situation. She doesn’t like taking orders from Malcolm. 

25:00 - MR.DAVID IS RIGHT THERE. IF HE DOESN’T BLOW THE WHISTLE ON THIS I’M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED. 

25:12 -”The Brain Fart” hahahahaha OMG. 

25:53 - “You’re being rude Hoxley.” ......Martin being the nice guy? I’m genuinely disgusted.

26:26 - “Your son Malcolm.” THIS. THIS is why Ainsley is so pissed off. Everyone has always thought Malcolm would turn out like Martin. Ever since they were kids. She’s pissed off that no one considers her to be a threat. They’re all concerned for and scared of Malcolm. Not her. She’s invisible. Why do you think she became a TV reporter? To force people to see her. 

26:50 - I’ve never wanted to Martin to kill anyone more than I have in this moment. I do find Martin’s protective love for Malcolm interesting though. 

27:37 - How long was that phone in water before Malcolm grabbed it?!? Anyone ever drop a phone in water? I don’t care how much rice you have. It’s toast 90% of the time. 

27:44 - Malcolm explaining murder to Sunshine is so cute. 

28:22 - And my heart rate has skyrocketed. 

29:10 - “To protect your sister.” Huh. I find it interesting that Hoxley has considered that Malcolm may have killed Endicott to protect Ainsley. It suggests that he thinks Endicott was a threat to Ainsley alive. Makes me wonder about what happened to Ainsley before Malcolm got back to the house in 1x20.

29:16 - “You all had something to gain.” Did they though? Martin had something to gain - keeping his cushy Claremont cell. Ainsley had something to gain - “A news story.” Jessica had something to gain - “safety”. But Malcolm? He didn’t personally have anything to gain. He wanted his Mom and sister safe but he never thought about himself. 

30:11 - “Perhaps the murder weapon is still among your mother’s silver.” I find it interesting Hoxley has pieced that together. I also find it highly unbelievable but that’s just me. 

30:15 - Hoxely, rich people don’t carve their own Christmas roasts. The Whitly’s have staff for that. 

30:24 - “You’re still just a scared little boy. Hungry for daddy’s love.” Ouch. It’s true but it still hurts. This is not helping Malcolm’s mental state. At all. Istg if we don’t get a Malcolm mental health crisis soon I’m going to have my own mental health crisis. Seriously. I want to see this boy lose it. I’m a monster. I know. I want ugly crying. I want panic attacks. I want him to go catatonic. I want someone to comfort him. 

32:35 - Nat’s a good liar. Very convincing. Too bad Malcolm’s a good profiler. 

33:53 - Check out Spider Monkey Malcolm. <3 

34:14 - Earlier this episode when Malcolm said he can think ruthless but not be ruthless? This is the proof. He could’ve sat back and let Natalie kill Hoxley. In some ways - it would be good for Malcolm. But Malcolm’s not ruthless. He values human life. He’s an A+ dude. For better or for worse he tries to help people.

34:26 - Really Hoxley? Do you plan on stabbing Malcolm?!? (FYI - this scene is very reminiscent of Lockhart pulling his wand on Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets #justsaying).

34:45 - “I’m going to be killed by a millennial. What a twist.” hahahhahahahahhaa

35:22 - “I’m British.” hahaha I love this scene so much.

37:14 - FINALLY THE PAPA!GIL CONTENT WE”VE BEEN WAITING FOR. (it’s weak but I’ll take it)

37:39 - AHHHH the fact that Gil and Malcolm are both non-verbally communicating that Natalie didn’t kill Endicott is killing me. Does Malcolm think that Gil hates him? Does Gil really think Malcolm killed Endicott? Or just that Malcolm covered it up? I NEED TO KNOW.

37:46 - Concerned!Gil and a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. <3 <3 <3 My icy heart has melted. 

37:54 - annnnnd Hoxley ruins the moment.

39:39 - I’m not content with this ending. It’s all too convenient. Hoxley still thinks Ainsley and Malcolm did it. Mark my words. This isn’t over.

39:53 - Ainsley is so smug here. I want to slap her. She’s elated that she’s getting away with murder. She doesn’t care about how it’s hurting her family. 

40:00 - Did they really do the interview inside Jessica’s house?!?! Gross. 

40:17- I might be the only one but I love that polo on Malcolm. Something about it is adorable. 

40:22 - ......is Ainsley really trying to take credit for “putting this Endicott mess behind us”?!?! Because - she didn’t. OMG. She absolutely didn’t. Even if she did - she’s the reason they’re in the mess to being with!!!!!!! I can’t. I just....can’t. 

40:45 - The episode ends right here for me. I know Capshaw and Martin kiss. It makes me want to hurl and I refuse to watch it again. I also know that Capshaw takes the scissors away from Martin. I think their whole dynamic is upsetting and creepy. I’m like 95% sure that Capshaw is a serial killer on the DL. Or at least some sort of psychopath. Martin and Capshaw are both manipulating each other and it’s too stressful to watch. 

I didn’t love this episode. It was a bit all over the place. If you stuck around this long - thank you. I’ll see you guys next week. <3

[medeafive]

Blood and Stone - 22

Masterpost

"Where'd your friend go?" Tony asks, grabbing the chips. "Turned around and he was gone."

 "I don't know, I'm not his babysitter," Natasha returns, nibbling on a carrot. "Can I ask you something?"

"You mean, whether it's bad when your boyfriend finds out you're pregnant and disappears without a word?" Tony specifies, licking his fingers. "Yeah, it is."

Natasha snorts. "Fuck off, that's not what happened. Who's Lara Croft?"

Tony snorts, dropping onto the couch. "Oh, great, so you just pretend to be asleep the whole time. Do you actually eat or is that also some magic trick?"

"Answer my question, you coward," she returns, picking up cucumber slices.

Tony sighs. "Well, that's not exactly up your alley but- it was one of the last video games that came out, couple of years ago. Nobody really cared, because of vampires and all, but I think it would have fared much better otherwise. She's an archaeologist, but the cool kind, looking for hidden treasures, fighting mummies and tomb raiders- actually, that was the name of the game. Yeah, and she's animated but- she was always wearing tank tops and shorts and all."

"Oh God," Natasha remarks with amusement. "That is horrible ."

"Was just a joke," Tony defends. "Yeah, and the lady from Resident Evil fights vampires, in similar garments. You get the picture."

"Have you ever seen me in shorts ?" Natasha questions. "That's ridiculous. So you were just hitting on me while I was asleep."

"Not that asleep, apparently," Tony points out wistfully. "Nah, just pointing out the archetype, extra tough sexy badass and all. And, well, looks really cool from a distance, not sure it's as cool when you get closer."

"You were totally attracted to me when I got here," Natasha recalls. "But then you tried to set me up with your best friend and- I don't know, I never took it seriously. Also, you were with Pepper and I'm really not a homewrecker."

"So vampires are cool but taken guys aren't?" Tony prompts. "Also, if you'd let yourself be set up, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Yep, and I'd also be either dead or a vampire right now," Natasha returns. "Doesn't that sound great."

"I think you're well on your way to being dead but Bobbi seems to disagree, so what do I know." Tony rubs his forehead. "But- Barton ?"

Natasha snorts. "You're really blowing this way out of proportion. And don't give me that shit that he's older than me, you're all older than me except for Sharon, and I already got that from the vampire."

"The fuck does he think he can tell you," Tony remarks. "When he's basically a hundred years old."

"Eh, don't worry about it," Natasha returns, picking up another carrot. "I mean, he went pretty hard to our side. A traitor of all vampirekind or whatever."

"You just enjoy making people do radical stuff, don't you?" Tony grins. "Manipulating people, having that power. Don't think Lara Croft was like that."

"Yeah, maybe stop comparing me to pixel women in shorts," she counters. "Just trying not to get killed, thank you very much."

"Hey guys." Bobbi turns the corner, yawning. "How are you? Don't listen to Tony."

"What'd I do to you?" Tony complains.

Bobbi snorts, crossing her arms. "Is he telling you you can't be a hunter? Cause that's what he used to tell me."

"Not true," Tony objects. "I said you weren't ready to be a hunter. And then you went out anyway and promptly got hurt."

Bobbi shrugs. "Learning by doing. Honestly, Pepper would have started going out much earlier if you hadn't told her it's too dangerous."

Natasha follows the exchange with amusement, nibbling on her carrot. "It is dangerous!" Tony defends. "And I built her the suit, don't act like I wasn't supporting her."

"Y'all can't deal with loss, is what I'm saying," Bobbi returns. "You only built her the suit because she was about ready to break up with you. Different kind of loss."

Tony snorts. "You know what, I really didn't miss that argument."

"You guys seem fun," Natasha throws in. "I'm good, by the way."

"Yeah, I actually came down so we could do some prenatal prep," Bobbi replies. "Because you only got two weeks."

"What the fuck is that?" Natasha asks.

Bobbi grins, gliding her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants. "Pushing and breathing. Not much more. Certain muscles you need. It's pretty awkward, though, so let's better do it downstairs or somewhere else private."

"I thought you'd just do a C-section," Tony suggests.

"Not if I can avoid it," Bobbi replies. "Not sure we have the equipment for that. Risk of infection, risk of strong bleeding, I'd rather try the vaginal route if it's possible."

"...I'm just gonna keep that joke to myself," Tony suggests.

"Thanks," Bobbi replies. "Very generous of you."

  "Tony said you were doing lady stuff," Pepper remarks, putting her helmet down. "And we want in on that."

"What, you also want prenatal prep?" Bobbi asks, spinning in her chair like she was born in it. "How was patrol? Quiet night?"

"Quite the opposite," Sharon replies, hopping onto a table. "Saw three vampires. One got away. All fledglings, they must have come in from outside town."

"Three?" Natasha repeats with worry. "We haven't seen a single one in weeks ."

"Maybe that was your friend's doing," Pepper suggests, pulling off the shoulder plates. "You should ask him. Where is he, by the way?"

"I don't know, guess he left," Natasha admits. "He'll come back sometime."

She hates how vague that sounds, but she really doesn't know. "He ran into Steve, didn't he?" Sharon suggests. "That probably scared him."

Right. Completely harmless explanation. "Oh, but this is great," Pepper remarks, brushing through her hair. "I haven't met so many friends in a long time."

"Yeah, tell me everything!" Bobbi encourages, giggling. "How are things with Tony?"

"Pretty good," Pepper replies, also leaning against the table. "Really good actually. I still have to kick him once in a while but not as often. So I'm pretty happy."

"Kicking him sounds kind of fun, though," Sharon remarks. "Am I wrong?"

Pepper snorts, crossing her legs. "Sometimes. Mostly, it's annoying."

"Still sounds better than when I left," Bobbi insists, crossing her arms. "Honestly, I wouldn't have bet on you two making it. You know, Tony being Tony. Reason enough to dump him."

"He's really improved!" Pepper returns. "Anyway. What about your new guy?"

Bobbi sighs. "Eh, he's fine. Drives me nuts. In the good ways and the bad ways. But it doesn't have to be perfect and it doesn't have to be forever, so it's fine."

Sharon shrugs. "I don't know. Dating someone you hunt with sounds like a hassle."

"Oh yeah, why not date someone you hunt?" Bobbi interrupts. "Like a vampire?"

Sharon giggles. "Oh, come on! No offense, Natasha."

"No problem," Natasha replies, even though this whole situation freaks her out. Like, what is she supposed to say? She's sitting there, stone-faced, just listening and waiting-

"That has to be really weird, though," Pepper states. "Physically weird. Just their body temperature, and everything they smell… and the fangs!"

Bobbi chuckles. "Why not ask? Hey Nat, come on, we want to hear something."

Shit. "Oh, we won't tell," Sharon promises. "Ladies' room promise."

Natasha groans, rubbing her face. "Fine. The… what was it?"

"Body temperature, fangs, weird dick, anything," Bobbi repeats. "The juicier, the better."

Natasha snorts. "His dick's perfectly normal. Though- nah, I'm not sure I wanna tell you that."

Bobbi groans. "You motherfucking tease."

"That bad?" Sharon encourages, smiling way too nicely.

Urgh, fine, she's gonna die sooner rather than later anyway. "Not bad. Just, he always has two orgasms. One with just a little bit of stimulation and then he's still hard, you know, second orgasm a while later, everything normal. But it's always two."

"Oh my God, tell me more." Bobbi swirls in her chair, crunching up her face. "But he ejaculates both times?"

What an ugly word. "Yeah, but not very much. Anyway, I think that's all the vampire stuff."

"But he's cold, isn't he?" Pepper questions.

Natasha sighs, letting her head drop back against the pillow. "Sometimes. Just, when you touch him, he gets warmer? In the beginning, it took a while but now, he's basically always warm around me, even before I touch him. And softer, too, just more human, you know? And it worked on the other black cloak, too, not just on James. I don't know."

"The fuck," Bobbi remarks. "Just around you? No one else? That's creepy."

"I don't think anyone else really touched him," Sharon throws in. "So we don't know. Maybe it's psychological, you know, because he's only attracted to her."

"Yeah, we should test that," Bobbi suggests. "Just hold his hand for a while, see what happens."

Natasha snorts. "Well, ask him. When he comes back."

There's a knock on the door and it takes them all a moment to realize it's not the door to upstairs but the one in the back. Sharon hops off the table. "Is that the room with the ice block?" Bobbi asks. "Is that where you put him?"

"Steve," Sharon replies tensely. Pepper walks to the door. "Yes."

Pepper pulls the door open. It's indeed Steve, steadied against the wall. He doesn't look good but he never really does. "Hello," Pepper starts in her professional secretary voice. "I think Sam is still asleep but maybe we can help you?"

Steve blinks at them slowly. Sharon's knuckles are white against the edge of the table. "Oh, no, I really don't want to bother you, I don't need anything, just- do you mind if I join you?"

"Oh, sure thing." Bobbi gets up and pushes her chair towards him. "Here, sit down. No need to exhaust yourself."

Steve drops heavily into the chair. "Thank you. Uh, you're… you're not Sharon, are you?"

"Nope," Bobbi replies cheerfully, pointing to her right. "That's Sharon. That's Natasha, that's Pepper and I'm Bobbi. You're Steve."

Steve smiles as soon as he sees Sharon. "Oh, hey. I saw you- I don't know how long ago that was. Maybe a few days?"

Yeah, and he talked to Natasha yesterday but maybe he already forgot that. "Hey," Sharon blurts out. "I'm- Grandma is- I'm Peggy's granddaughter. She's my grandma."

Steve just blinks for a while. "I'm sorry, I'm still- oh, the- Peggy? Peggy Carter? From Britain?"

"Yes!" Sharon exclaims. "Sorry. Well, after the war, she got married and had my mom and- well, my mom had me and here we are, I guess."

Steve smiles again. "Oh, I see the- the resemblance now. Is she- How is she?"

Sharon giggles. "Oh, good. I mean, she's getting old but still holding on as always, you know her. I haven't seen her in a while, though, travel is very difficult."

"Oh, I absolutely remember that," Steve replies. "She was so determined and disciplined and smart, of course- oh, but she has to be very old now, the- what year is it again?"

"She's 78," Sharon says. "It's 1999. December 1999."

"Wow." Steve rubs his swollen red face. "That- I won't get used to that anytime soon."

Bobbi chuckles. "Uh, should we let y'all work that out alone or…?"

Steve turns. "Sorry, Ma'am. Are- You sound Southern."

"Georgia," Bobbi confirms. "But I'm not related to anyone. And I don't live here anymore, normally. Transferred to Florence, Italy."

"Oh, and I talked to you- was that yesterday?" Steve turns to her lying on the bed. "Was- It was Natasha, wasn't it?"

"Yep," Natasha replies. "Still very visibly pregnant, so I guess you won't confuse me."

Steve blushes, remembering. "Right. Is- is Bucky here?"

"No, he left," Natasha tells him. "Guess he needed some space, after running into you."

Steve groans. "Right, sorry. Does- wait, he would remember Peggy, too, wouldn't he?"

"James doesn't remember shit," Natasha returns. "Sorry. Not Peggy, not you, not anything before he turned into a vampire. Maybe it'll come back slowly but not right now."

"That's- unfortunate." Steve sighs. "That's probably why he- well, I guess he doesn't want to see me then."

"Natasha is a little harsh," Sharon admonishes. "I'm sure he'll remember eventually and it'll all work out."

"Yeah, after the vampire baby bullshit, nothing surprises me anymore," Bobbi remarks.

Steve blushes again. "Uh, so- what are you guys doing here? You're not from here, are you?"

"Oh, I'm Czech," Pepper replies. "Little village in Southern Bohemia, near the Austrian border. Came to Prague to get a job, ended up at this American company that was just getting started over here- with a really, let's say, eccentric boss- yes, and then the vampires. Let's say it really didn't go the way I planned."

"I'm Russian," Natasha adds. "Or I was."

"British American," Sharon states.

"But-" Steve coughs. "Pepper?"

"Oh, that's not my actual name," Pepper replies. "It's Jindřiška. But none of you can say that, so Tony called me Pepper and that stuck."

"And Tony is the-" Steve prompts.

"You saw him already, he was working on James' arm yesterday," Natasha remarks.

"He used to be my boss," Pepper explains. "He's sort of an engineer, an inventor. His company, the one he inherited from his father, used to produce weapons but he's moved it to energy production, reactors and the like, all of it renewable. Though it feels like he really worked on everything at some point, just like Bruce."

Steve rubs his temples. "Oh man. Who is Bruce again?"

"Our resident doctor," Bobbi replies. "He's brilliant, really. Fury recruited him. He used to study biochemistry somewhere in Sweden but when you break your arm, he'll fix that, too."

"Bobbi is a doctor, too," Pepper points out.

"Yeah, different kind, though." Bobbi shakes her head. "I got a medical degree, too, but I specialize in women's health. That's actually how I got here, because I volunteered in the early nineties when they didn't have enough experts in that around here, a lot of them had emigrated. Well, the thing is, babies tend to get born in the middle of the night, so I had to make spontaneous visits while the vampires are out in the streets. Clint started to accompany me, to convoy me so I could do my job without getting killed and… yeah, I wanted to be a hunter, too. So now I'm both."

"People really have a lot less babies now," Sharon remarks. "Not the world you want your child to grow up in."

Steve coughs, swallows. "Right. Uh, so… what did you do, before, Sharon?"

"Nothing," Sharon replies, smiling. "Just finished school. I've always been a hunter."

"Oh yeah," Natasha agrees. "Me too."

"Oh, but Natasha is probably the best tracker in the world," Sharon points out. "Really. She's been doing this longer than any of us."

How she wishes she hadn't. Maybe then she wouldn't be so tired from it. Steve looks confused once more. "What's a tracker?"

"That's a kind of hunter, someone who's very good at finding vampires," Sharon explains. "In the early days, they traveled, following specific vampires and hunting them down, but these days, there are just too bloody many. It's still useful, though, on patrols. I'm a tracker, too."

"Well, I think now we've got everyone," Pepper remarks. "Except for Clint, he's the one with the bow-"

"The- sorry for interrupting," Steve interjects. "With the bow ?"

Bobbi snorts. "Yeah, the bow. Gotta say, it's efficient because you only need to make the tip of the arrow out of silver, instead of the whole knife. But mostly, he just likes to be special or he'd use a gun. Oh, we used to date, if you didn't notice already."

"And Fury, of course," Pepper adds. "Fury is- well, Fury. You'll know when you see him. Rumor is he was a CIA agent stationed somewhere in the Eastern Bloc, and he just stayed around after. And this is not the first station he's run. But really, we don't know, he's not one to share."

"Could you- tell me about Sam, too?" Steve asks.

"His parents were from Angola," Bobbi tells him. "He came here very young. His dad was- was it agriculture? I don't know, he was some technical expert. They came here as refugees, from the civil war, and his father went through East Berlin to West Berlin to the US, trying to get a green card there. Of course, that took years, so Sam mostly grew up here. Yeah, and then he moved to the US, joined the Airforce, all that. Came back when vampires were starting to become a thing here."

"Oh yes, he said it- there are more here?" Steve states tentatively. "Vampires, I mean."

"Yeah, it started in Russia," Natasha remarks. "And you can thank your buddy for that."

Bobbi snaps around. "Wait, what?!"

"He told me," Natasha admits. "Schmidt sent him and he bit four people in Moscow, four in Saint Petersburg. Eight in total. There were others sent to other countries but those were the first ones."

"That motherfucker. " Bobbi snorts, crossing her arms. "I'm definitely not holding his hand anymore."

Steve blushes. "Uh, were you going to…?"

"Oh, we thought about doing an experiment," Sharon explains. "We were talking about that, actually, before- Well, vampires are usually cold, you know? But Natasha said her friend's not cold when she touches him, so… we just wanted to find out how that works."

Steve blushes even more, probably every time he's reminded his old buddy-new vampire knocked her up. "Oh. Didn't think about that."

"Only eight people?" Pepper repeats. "Really?"

"He thought that was enough," Natasha replies. "And boy it was."

"Wait, just so I get that right," Steve interjects. "Bucky caused a global vampire epidemic?"

Well, calling him Bucky really doesn't help. "Pretty much. He didn't know much about the others. I should mention there's some form of mind control involved, from a vampire to the vampire that bit them, though not in every case. Schmidt bit all of the black cloaks, so…"

"Mind control, too?" Bobbi snorts. "Oh, fuck that. That's bullshit."

All that cursing doesn't appear to be good for Steve, blushing and coughing. "But we don't really know how that works either, do we?" Sharon adds.

Natasha shakes her head. "Well, that's going to be an issue if Schmidt shows up."

"Uh, why would Schmidt- he's the Nazi vampire, right?" Steve asks. "Why would he show up? And what are black cloaks?"

Bobbi groans, rolling her head. "Oh man, we're going to be here for a long time, aren't we?"

  They don't get a lot further until Steve is so overwhelmed and tired he goes straight back to bed. Natasha eats a huge amount of pasta and then falls asleep quickly. She's always so hungry and so tired now, though it got better with the vampire blood. She wakes when someone sits down on her bed. It's dark. She blinks. Oh, right. The warm stone touches her shoulder. She yawns. "Oh, you're back."

He sighs. "Yeah. Sorry I ran. It wasn't about you."

"He was here," she remarks. "Earlier today. And man, you really have to explain that guy everything ."

He chuckles, rubbing his ear. "Yeah. I don't know, I'll figure it out. I mean, I'll have to, whether I want it or not."

"You'll figure it out," she agrees. "And you don't have to become best friends with him at all, just clear the air a little."

He shrugs. "Somehow, yeah. And… I'm sorry, I'm sure you didn't want that reaction from me, about the pregnancy. You must have hoped I would be happier about it."

She sighs. "I don't know. There's no right way to feel about this. I didn't expect you to cheer for something that was really bad for my health."

He takes her hand and rubs it. "You smell better, by the way. Less dead, more vampire. I- I can't smell the baby, I think."

"Maybe that's part of the vampire smell," she suggests. "Look, I thought about what you said, that you can't really do this, and- it's okay. I still want to have it. You're enough as you are. Just love me, and support me. That's all I need."

He smiles, golden streaks flashing in the dark. "Always. I will try to look forward to it, then."

She snorts, placing his hand on her rounded belly. "Oh, yes. I also look forward to when this is over."

[coinofstone]

2x11 The Witch's Quickening

Hey Arthur, remember last time you were on a manhunt in Camelot and it led you to Morgana's chambers, and she talked you out of searching them and later admitted that she'd been hiding a fugitive in there? Have you learned NOTHING

And Merlin too, he doesn't like, double back and confront Morgana or suggest Arthur do that?

Why is Arthur yelling at Merlin so much in this? Who wrote this episode.

::Coin watch the show instead of playing on her phone challenge::

Morgana being manipulated by a nine year old

Why is Arthur insulting the food as if Merlin cooked it himself? Every other meal he brings up is from the palace kitchens but on this occasion Merlin cooked himself? Ok.

Even the fkin dragon is OOC in this ep

Morgana is so much more intelligent than this.

Gaius needs to bring this to Uther in the throne room like a member of the public? He couldn't get a private audience with the king? Ok.

I really don't remember this episode being so terrible, maybe I'm in a bad mood.

You know, not for nothing, but from Mordred's perspective Merlin is being an absolute dick, not only siding with the oppressor but actively working to sabotage their plans and hurt their people. As we, the audience, are privy to the reasons behind this, WE don't necessarily questions Merlin's actions, WE know he's after the crystal because he's trying to prevent Mordred and Morgana from teaming up and bringing harm to Arthur - that's all good and well but like... Merlin could never bring himself to kill Mordred because he's just a boy, but yet he's allowed the boy to go off and become somewhat radicalized (I say 'somewhat' because honestly, it's not all that radical to plot to overthrow the king that has been waging a genocidal war against your people for twenty fucking years) without ever trying to bring him into the fold. If Merlin had explained his and Arthur's destinies to the boy, made an argument for waiting out Uther's reign in the hope that Arthur's reign will bring peace and magic back to Camelot, but which may not happen if he sees his father killed by sorcerers, and explained his reasons for hiding who he is from Morgana, regardless of Mordred's ultimate destiny to be Arthur's doom, Merlin would've at least had a shot at cultivating an alliance or at very least an understanding between them. Instead, all Mordred sees is this supremely powerful sorcerer who isn't even a druid, serving the very people that would bring an end to their entire race if they could. Although, it seems as tho Mordred has forgotten who exactly snuck him out of the castle and back to the druid camp in three first place. Makes you wonder if Morgana never explained to him that she was believed to have been kidnapped when they found her with the druids last time, and that she went along with that lie for her own safety.

Tl;dr: communication is important kids!

Do I even need to point out how much sense Morgana's little tiff with Uther did not make? Or her sudden distrust of Gwen? If anything she should think Gwen would be an ally considering a) her father was killed by Uther, as an innocent victim of Uther's war on magic, b) Gwen was party to Morgana's previous involvement in aiding and abetting a druid fugitive, c) Gwen L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y sacrificed herself to save Morgana from Hengist's men, the is zero reason to question Guinevere's loyalty to Morgana, and d) Gwen has never said a WORD against sorcery or hinted at any kind of prejudice against druids or anyone with magic.

I looked up the writing credit for this, it's Jake Michie who is also credited with some fantastic episodes like Lancelot, Beauty and the beast, and the Lamia to name a few. It was directed by Alice Troughton who has also done some good eps, including other eps written by Jake Michie, so like I really don't understand what went wrong here.

Oh God there's a commentary track on this episode. I don't wannnnnaaaaaa but maybe I'll learn something, like why it turned out the way it did.

Commentary by Julian Murphy, Alice Troughton, and Katie. I do not have high hopes.

Katie right off the bat explaining shit that's important to note, God I love her on these tracks. Apparently, this was one of the last things to be shot (Merlin films everything out of order and films several episodes concurrently, depending on filming location.) and it was being shot while three other episodes were being wrapped up - so they had FOUR episodes filming concurrently and a lot of THIS episode was directed by Julian Murphy, and Jeremy shot some of it as well. This COULD explain a lot of the inconsistency, but I question how much since Julian seems to be involved in filming lots of scenes in lots of episodes. But I guess it's possible that just that on top of the rush to finish and the pressure of so many spinning plates in the air right at the end. They've just said that for this episode they had the least amount of days to shoot it out of all the episodes they've done, which is partly why they had so much going at once. It's as good a reason as any to explain it being so off, but I don't really see that explaining the wildly off characterization.

Katie going on the whole thing about Alvarr-as-revolutionary and Alice picks up on Morgana's sort of desire to be in that position and they're having a quite meaningful discussion then Julian:I think she just thinks he's hot 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Katie says the script changed a lot even as it was filming, and that things were being changed as it was filmed so I'm kind of thinking for whatever reason this entire thing was a mess and that's why it came across looking so disjointed to me.

At least Julian realize the soup scene was terrible.

Idk why they're ganging up on Katie over the chemistry between her and Alvarr. She says she wasn't playing it that way and that she wasn't feeling it and they're just like "yea uh huh sure."

They're talking about having two units filming like a few feet away from each other in the forest, while there is another two units going in France.

Julian says they had added Alvarr's girlfriend in because they wanted to dramatize his charisma and calculation... but it's not manipulation - ?????????? Someone get the man a dictionary. 'We added a random blonde in four him to kiss so that the audience knows he's got a girl already, who sees him working his charm on Morgana and comments on it 'you played her well', but Alvarr isn't actually manipulative' ??????????

They've just pointed out two entire significant beats within a sequence that was constructed on set and off script. Arthur's confrontation with Alvarr in the forest and Merlin's slow motion tracking the crystal to show its got a powerful draw. The more they describe the specifics of filming the more it sounds like an utter disaster which kind of makes me feel bad for being so harsh on the episode.

I keep having to rewind to focus on what they're saying and I feel like I've been watching this episode for about 4 hours.

Awkward bit of prop-exposure there. Trying to work out what LK could even stand for.

Idk everyone's really happy with this scene between Morgana and Uther and I'm still sitting here thinking the dialogue was utterly ridiculous.

They talked about changing that final scene, where Uther clearly knows/suspects it was Morgana who helped Alvarr escape, so that it doesn't prematurely push the story too far ahead. They cut a look Morgana gives Merlin which, rightfully so, because it would've been too much too soon. The ending to this episode still feels wholly unsatisfying to me. I understand the little tag with the dragon yelling for Merlin to release him, I don't mean that, but the ending to the main story where Alvarr just escapes and Uther not only accepts that but also accepts that Morgana must've helped him. Overall Uther's been entirely sort of neutered throughout this episode, which I understand that partially has to do with it being Morgana, but like, in previous episodes when she's been so defiant against him, he's had her by the throat and locked her in a dungeon overnight. So I just doubt understand him being so subdued here, especially since he directly threatened her when he found pr Mordred escaped, and now another druid's escaped and he essentially knows she was involved given how she spoke to him, yet he doesn't do anything? Just wildly inconsistent behavior.

Anyway apologies for overanalyzing this episode, I realize I tore it apart pretty thoroughly during the commentary and the post became quite long. I wish there was a way to add a cut on mobile but there isn't. I'll have the S2 finale post up in a few hours - I might hold off on posting until I've watched the extras, I didn't do that for S1 but then I felt the extras didn't quite warrant a whole post on their own, so I might just tack on any thoughts I have to the 2x12 post. We'll see.

[emsy55]

I missed your touch (Zabdiel de Jesús smut)

Summary: Zabdiel is your boyfriend and he's in prison. He's not allowed to have private visitations but he makes a deal with a prison guard so that he's able to fuck you.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, unprotected sex, oral sex

 You’re waiting until the guard says you can go in. You’re excited to see Zabdiel but you also feel kinda bad for lying to all of your friends and family. They think you and Zabdiel broke up. They don't want you to be dating a criminal so you just told them you broke up so they’d stop complaining about it. And you actually tried to stop seeing him. But it is impossible. A week after he went to prison you already visited him. You couldn’t stop thinking about him. You know he’s no good, you know he gets into trouble all the time but he’s the love of your life. No one can fuck you as good as he can, no one makes you feel the way he does. 

It frustrated both you and Zabdiel. You miss his touch, you want to hold his warm hands, kiss him, hug him, fuck him,... You want to be able to talk to him without other people hearing it. Zabdiel being in jail is so painful for both of you. 

So here you are, in prison visiting him again without telling anyone. You’ve visited him a few times but this time is different. This is the first time you get a private visitation. All the previous visitations were public. Private visitation is for family only, and you’re not married so you don’t get to visit him in a private room. And these public visitations suck. You can’t touch him, you can’t even hold his hand. You can’t have a proper conversation because of all the noise of the other inmates and their visitors.

Luckily, there’s a young prison guard that Zabdiel can easily manipulate. There is no way he was going to wait until he gets out, he needs you and he needs you now. So Zabdiel made a deal with this prison guard. He got a private room where he could fuck you, but the guard is allowed to watch. And that’s a small detail Zabdiel didn’t mention on the phone. He knew you would think it’s weird to have someone watch you. And it is weird, but Zabdiel is so desperate to fuck you that he didn’t care. The guard’s a lonely, socially awkward nerdy guy who still lives with his parents. Zabdiel tried to offer him money and drugs but he didn’t want any of those things. The only thing he wanted was to watch you and Zabdiel have sex. So Zabdiel agreed. 

After waiting a few minutes you’re allowed to enter the prison and a guard leads you to the private room. “You can wait here, another guard will bring him here in a few minutes,” the guard says and leaves.

The room is decorated nicely, it doesn’t look like a prison. There are a table and two chairs, a bed and some other furniture. You take a seat and wait nervously for Zabdiel to come in.

After a few minutes, he finally enters the room. He looks tired but still so sexy. You immediately jump in his arms and kiss him. It’s nice to feel his lips again. He wraps his hands around you way tighter as usual. 

“I missed you so bad mami,” Zabdiel says as he's still holding you close to his body

You're so happy that you can finally touch him. You've been craving his touch for months now.

Your little kiss quickly escalates to a hot make-out session. You're both way to eager to wait. You want to take off your shirt but he stops you.

"Wait princesa, I have something to tell you"

You give him a surprised look.

"The guard would only let us use this room if we let him watch," he says that as if it's nothing.

"Zabdiel!! What?? Why would you agree to something like that?" You almost yell as you get up and want to leave.

In a second he went from sweet Zabdiel to the dominant guy he actually is. He grabs your hand and pulls you close to him.

"because princesa, I know you want me and I know you're not as innocent as you’re trying to be. I know that secretly, you love to put up a show, I know that it would drive you crazy if someone would be watching us. So quit the act of being an innocent girl and show me how slutty I know you can be"

You don't answer him and just nod

Just those words are enough to make your panties soaked. He's right, it's still a bit weird to have someone watching you but at the same time, it's kinda hot too. And you need him so bad that you don't even care who's watching.

"Take off your clothes and get on your knees baby, I'm going to get the guard"

You immediately do what he asks. You love it when he tells you what to do. You love how dominant he is, and he knows that.

The guard comes in, he seems so innocent. You don't understand why a guy like that works in a prison. He seems way too sweet, he's such an easy victim for the inmates.

Zabdiel takes a chair and puts it in the corner of the room

"you can sit here, and enjoy the show," he says with a cocky smirk on his face.

He takes off his clothes and walks towards you. As he said, you're naked and on your knees waiting for him.

He takes off his clothes and gets in front of you. You grab his hard member. Usually, you start by slowly licking his tip but you're too desperate to feel his cock in your mouth. You immediately start by taking him as deep as possible. You let your tongue swirl around his hard member.

"Fuck princesa, you missed this, didn't you? You missed my big cock in your pretty little mouth?" You can't say anything so you just moan around his cock.

You suck on the tip of his dick as you take the rest of his dick in your hand. You look up and watch his head fall back. You admire his hot, sweaty and tattooed skin. You missed seeing him like this, so bad.

"I'm going to cum in your pretty little mouth baby" he moans as he fills your mouth with his cum. You swallow every drop while you look him in his eyes.

"I missed tasting you, papi" you say with your most innocent voice, knowing it drives him insane.

He picks you up and puts you on the table. You're glad he doesn't throw you on the bed, you don't want to have sex in a bed where all the other inmates had sex.

As you sit on the table you look straight into the eyes of the guard. You were so caught up in sucking Zabdiels dick that you totally forgot about the guard. The innocent guy has a huge tent in his pants. He’s palming himself through his pants. You decide to have some fun with it.

"You can touch yourself if want to, there's so need to be embarrassed." You say as sexy as possible. His cheeks turn red and he nods and immediately unbuttons his pants. As if he was waiting for you to say that.

Zabdiel smirks. He knew you would like to tease the poor guy. He knew it would turn you on even more.

"You like being watched, don't you? Dirty girl" Zabdiel says with a dirty grin on his face.

He spreads your legs as you're still sitting on the table. He kneels in front of you and grabs your ass tight. He kisses and softly bites your inner thighs. You let out a soft moan. You missed his soft lips between your legs, you missed his hands on your ass. You missed him.

He starts licking your pulsing clit and inserts a finger inside you. He knows exactly what you like, he knows exactly what to do with his tongue and fingers.

He adds a second finger and starts curling them, hitting the right spot. Your moans get louder and louder. You grab his hair and pull it, just the way he likes it.

He starts licking your clit faster. The extra pleasure is enough to send an intense orgasm through your body

"Fuck papi, I'm cumming" you scream

Zabdiel smirks as you cum with his face buried in your pussy.

He gets up and kisses you roughly. His mouth is wet from your juices. You can taste yourself in the kiss.

He bends you over the table so that you're facing the guard. The guard said he wanted a show, well he's definitely getting one.

He doesn't waste any time and inserts his long, hard dick inside of your dripping pussy. You scream once he's fully inside you.

He grabs your ass and starts pounding hard inside you. You look up and see the guard stroking his dick. You keep making eye contact with him, you love how intimidated he gets by you.

"He's fucking me so good," you say to the guard but he's too shy to response. He just moans and keeps jerking off.

Zabdiel suddenly pulls your hair. "You dirty girl, you like teasing this poor guy, don't you?"

You don't answer, so he pulls your hair even harder and smacks your ass with his other hand. "Answer me"

"Fuck, yes papi, yes I love teasing him. Fuck, I love this, you're fucking me so good".

He starts moving slower and deeper, hitting your g-spot. He's driving you insane. This whole situation is driving you wild. Him fucking you like this, pulling your hair, hitting your g-spot, dirty talking. And of course, you love that the guard is watching you.

You fall down dramatically on the table as you cum for the second time. You let out your most pornographic moan. The sight of you cumming is what drives the guard insane and he cums all over his hands. You let out a moan as you watch him cum.

Zabdiels thrusts start getting sloppier and a bit later he fills your pussy with his hot cum.

He picks you up from the table and sits down on a chair with you in his arms.

You wrap your arms around him. It's nice to feel his warm body, you miss this at night. You both don't say anything. You kiss him.

The guard puts his pants back on and leaves. He knows that the show is over and things are about to get emotional.

You can feel the tears coming but you stop them. Zabdiel is also trying his best to stop his tears. You both realize that you have to go home in a few minutes. You both realize that you'll sleep alone tonight and every other night in the next few months. It breaks your heart.

"I love you princesa"

"I love you too Zabdi"

You give him one last kiss, put your clothes back on and leave. You can feel his cum dripping down your thighs as you walk through the halls of the prison.

[toongrrl-blog]

Pink Power Rankings (Pt. 1)

Hi I am here to look at famous pink outfits in film and TV history and figure out: is pink a power color for this character? I choose to leave out obvious ones like Pink Power Ranger because, duh it’s in her name and this is gonna be a long list. Also avoiding real-life figures and onscreen depictions of real life figures because keeping it short (and I don’t have the time)

Pictured above are the bridesmaids at First Daughter Luci Baines Johnson’s wedding in the 1960s. 

Mimi Tachikawa

She is the most obvious pick from Digimon and the girl most decked out in pink. To paraphrase this video from The Take: there was once a show about a strange world beyond our own, somehow a group of preteens were pulled into this world not of their accord, including a young 10 year old girl. Along with her friends they were exposed to the elements and fought monsters out to harm them, she was sexually harassed by two clearly adult digimon, uncomfortable with the elements, often had to put up with toxic masculine BS, and was often snarked at by the story and even some of her own friends for being so girly and into pink. Of course some audiences and the story were overcome with sympathy with this girl pulled away from a familiar world...

Just kidding! They weren’t and some audiences even gave her a lot of shit and this has only been recently examined. For a while Mimi Tachikawa had a problem that seemed to be well known by a lot of female characters, like Carmella Soprano, Betty and Megan Draper, Margaret Sterling, and yes Skyler White. Put a flawed, complicated woman character alongside more charismatic (and male) characters and she will be disliked (despite the audience being more likely to be she than the menfolk held up as icons). 

This is sad because looking back, Mimi was truly a badass all along: she sticks up for herself, speaks up for herself, she is unapologetic about her love of pink and girly things, she is quick to tell guys when they are getting in her space, she’s honest, she lets Tanemon go on and fight with only a sincere question if she really is going to while the others hold their Digimon down, she stands up against the Numemon who were harassing her and her friends, and she was funny as hell. Sadly it took a long while for fans to grow up but many of us, especially girls, reclaimed her as our own. It also helped that Mimi came before girly icons like Elle Woods, Leslie Knope, and Joan Holloway and also before the boom in Gen X and Millennial women contributing to comedy and starting their own stand-up specials and movies and TV.

Power Ranking: 10, all because she held her own, no matter the haters and was glad to see us no matter how odd. 

Karen Wheeler

Another complicated lady, this time older and from the 1980s. This is Karen Wheeler of Hawkins, Indiana whose children are off on their own adventure. She is trying to tap into her sexual power here. It’s dicey because the man in question is a young man and she is a unhappily married affluent housewife in the suburbs; she agrees to meet him at the motel for “private swimming lessons” and does herself up in a way inappropriate for swimming lessons (in Scarlet Letter Red to boot!), only to be stopped by the sight of her lazy husband sleeping on the Laz-E-Boy with their youngest child Holly on his chest. This season sees Karen open up to her two older children over the patriarchy and saying goodbye to a best friend and girlfriend after confessing his love for her.

Power Ranking: 6, because her sexual power was on shaky ground and only based on her looks and attention from a man but she shows some character development that season. 

Nancy Wheeler

This look was a game changer, but Nancy is no stranger to pink and preppiness. Here she is wearing an outfit that recalls the postwar “Boyfriend Shirt” from Brooks Brothers for the female collegiate set and it’s updated with long loose but pinned hair and designer (or mock) jeans. In this outfit she goes monster hunting with her younger brother Mike’s best friend’s older brother and Nancy’s classmate, Jonathon Byers and squares off with slut-shaming police officers and a mother who chastises her for lying about her whereabouts and losing her virginity while Nancy’s best friend Barb Holland is missing and she also tells off boyfriend Steve for trying to cover his ass by not participating in the police investigation. This is the look (which can easily double as office wear) when you want to go straight from school where you have an impeccable GPA to monster hunting in your neck of the woods to find the whereabouts of your best friend and for fighting the patriarchy. 

Power Ranking: 8, this is a girl on the move as we can see with her rolled up sleeves. 

Eleven

The Iconic Look, the look where she made a boy wet his pants, found two missing kids, broke a bully’s arm. The Polly Flinders dress would alter the way we see girls in dainty pastel pink dresses. 

Power Ranking: 10, can you do all that without touching someone?

Barb Holland

The most tragic look for this was the sweater that Barbara Holland (1967-1983) wore when she was taken by the Demogorgan and killed. This was the look where she was the recipient of a wet willie from a boy who looked down on her and her best friend who was dating his popular friend, the look where she accompanied her best friend reluctantly to the popular boy’s party, and where her friend turned her back on her concerns. This is the look of a passive and traditional (to her detriment) femininity. She did gain a huge following who cried foul over her fate. 

Power Ranking: 4, points up for the fandom and devotion but she wasn’t empowered. 

Erica Sinclair

That was depressing, let’s go to the girl who embodies America: Hawkins resident wise-ass, the girl who kept her observations and words as tight as her corn rows, and her planning as precise as her perfectly well done baby hairs (Black readers, feel free to correct me as I document her fabulousness), My Little Pony nerd and Economics wonk, and American Heroine. Erica sassed her way into Stranger Things with a raised eyebrow and a lusciously girly girl wardrobe that stands out and fits in with her Midwestern environment. She’s no stranger to pink and she commands attention and the best service at Scoops Ahoy and manages to get several ice cream dishes for free (the most elaborate ones) before getting in on finding the secret Soviet military base. Girlfriend manages to deal with teenage shenanigans, assassins, creatures from another world, near-death experiences, almost being captured by foreign enemies and the most awkward sing-a-long ever. She doesn’t seem to have lost her child-appropriate enthusiasm for games even when telling off old balding men for getting her age right.

Power Ranking: 10, you can’t spell America without Erica

Joan Holloway

Pink is an appropriate color for the resident femme intellectual of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, it shows that Joan is willing to defy “the rules” of fashion for redheads (she also wears red) and it ties into her 1950s persona of the bombshell who is trying to get married to a man who’d move her out to the upper-middle class suburbs and she wouldn’t have to work. That was Joan at the beginning: over time she started to own her natural independent streak and her willingness to buck expectations of her based on her gender and looks but also deals with the same men who ogle her, disrespecting her intellect, her hard work ethic, and even her body (fuck you Greg Harris). In this fuchsia number (still in the pink family), she sets up a luncheon with a colleague (Peggy Olson) where she pitches the idea of them setting up a production company with their names, while Peggy didn’t take, Joan starts her own “Holloway & Harris” with her babysitter and mother. Sealing her end as a strong, productive, independent woman who learned to own herself as she was. 

Power Ranking: 10, men may like scarves but women like not being tethered to men. 

Betty Draper Francis

Meet Elizabeth Hofstadt Francis and her ex-husband Don Draper (actually Dick Whitman), for about 10 years of marriage, they have enjoyed a union where they looked like a couple right out of a magazine, he being a square jawed handsome self-made man with an athletic build who often is compared to old-school movie stars like Tyrone Power or Clark Gable or Cary Grant and she, a beautiful model from a wealthy family in the Main Line area of Philadelphia who studied anthropology at Bryn Mawr and speaks fluent Italian and is often compared to Grace Kelly (and other Hitchcock Blondes). But the interior of their perfect colonial in the suburbs hid an ugly reality where she suffered from ennui and was a brat to her kids while he gaslighted and cheated on her with other women, more modern women, like she wasn’t enough. Eventually she found out his true identity and floored that she had been living a lie and gave up her last name for an imposter, she divorced him and married a man she met at her husband’s work function. 

About three years later, Don is happily married with a younger and much more modern woman (Megan Draper) while Betty is married to a man who loves and accepts her even at her worst but to her chagrin has put on a lot of weight (a blow to a former model who grew up being raised that weight gain or being fat was the worst thing a woman could be) and she hasn’t dealt with her unhappiness in a productive manner. 

For a while well into 1968, she accepted the extra pounds (although looking like she lost some) and coming middle-age and even dyed her hair black, until her new husband tells her he plans to run for office and as he was excitedly recounting what is to be done, says “Everyone will see you” not knowing that his young, vain wife would read this scenario differently and after assessing her new look to an old evening gown of her’s, she sped up her weight loss and returned to her slim and blonde look that turned heads. Soon she takes a drive to her son’s summer camp and runs into her ex-husband and they feel the old spark and sleep together; it is there she tells him that he as a lover is different than him as a husband and admits about the young wife she looked down on, “That Poor Girl, she doesn’t know that loving you is the worst thing to get to you”. Next morning she has breakfast with her new husband, who is none the wiser, while Don heads back to the city. But is Betty really happy?

Power Ranking: 7, not satisfied but has received some closure about her relationship with her ex-husband. 

Sally Draper

This is Sally in her birthday party dress. On that day her father built her a pastel colored playhouse, Mother prepared treats for the adults and kids for her birthday party, she and her friends played out their parents’ (admittedly shitty) marriages at the playhouse, her father goes out to get her birthday cake from the bakery and returns only with a golden retriever named Polly, while her unhappy mother fumes about her husband doing something shitty and humiliating and not being allowed to ream him out because he brought a dog and that makes him the good guy. 

Power Ranking: 5, she gets a dog but is still young and dependent on her messy parents. 

Rachel Menken

Meet Rachel Menken Katz, running into her ex Don Draper while he is out with his latest mistress and she with her husband Tilden Katz. She would end this series as dying from cancer after having two young children and running her father’s department store and instead of flowers, requesting that donations be made for a Jewish hospital in the Jell-O Belt. In 1960 she fell in love with an ad man who proved to have been miserable and having lost his mother during his birth, as she did, she also competed in what was called “a man’s world” at a time when women were relegated to assistant roles at best and she split from him when he wants to run away with her, mostly because he wants to run away from his issues and not because of his feelings for her. As her sister Barbara said, “she had everything”.

Power Ranking: 8, she ends up dying young but she manages to “have it all”. 

Megan Draper

Meet Megan Calvet, later to become Megan Draper. How does she become the next Mrs. Draper? At this timeline, Don Draper is dealing with life after divorcing Betty Draper (now Francis) and is trying (and failing) to quit alcohol and trying to date the intelligent, warm, no-nonsense, and close-to-his-age Dr. Faye Miller. But that night Megan, who noticed she caught her boss’s eye, decides to make the moves and in a uncharacteristically demure (many fans thought she looked frumpy here) but at worst basic outfit, she sleeps with him. This is the outfit for a quickie that later won his heart and has him pop the question and she becomes part of Creative at their work. But is this really for the best?

Power Ranking: 7, she married Don Draper but then again she married Don Draper. 

Peggy Olson

Meet Peggy Olson, who officially walked away from the things holding her back from feeling at ease with herself and her choices. After a whole season where the priest impressed by her skills has learned that Peggy had a child out of wedlock and put him up for adoption and starts pressuring her to admit her “sin” while Peggy would rather move on with her life, she tells him they don’t see eye to eye and walks away from the Catholic Church and while the Cuban Missile Crisis is going on, she lays down in her bed with the pink comforter and pillows with her pink floral nightgown, she lays herself down to sleep and prays with a contented look on her face.

Power Ranking: 9, she’s not fully absolved of the issues plaguing her but refusing to wear a hairshirt and beat herself up? Awesome. 

Dawn Chambers

Meet Dawn Chambers, from 1966-1968, she was the only black person (let alone black secretary) at the uber-white Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (pun intended for the decor) and like many minorities in positions occupied by less marginalized people, Dawn had to keep her head low and not stand out (despite some co-workers considering her as remarkable as a sore thumb). But then in 1968, she made the mistake of punching in for a co-worker and they get caught by Joan Holloway (and it’s so horrid, thank God Don Draper intervened on Dawn’s behalf and Pete reminds them of how the ad agencies are being looked at for their minority quotas). This was also the season where Dawn took to wearing blazers over her blouses and skirts or dresses and here Dawn is wearing a conservative grey blazer over a pink shirt with ruffles down the front and a red plaid skirt when her work life alters for the...better? It is there that Joan sternly gives her the promotion of keeper of the keys, title not pay, and Dawn tells her that she decided she doesn’t care whether other people in the office hate her but she doesn’t want to disappoint Joan, who withholds any warmth or approval. The next season we see Dawn stand up to a entitled and mediocre white man (Lou Avery) and first she is moved to reception and then she takes over Joan’s post as Office Manager (With her own office! And the salary!) while Joan goes upstairs to her own office in Accounts. 

Power Ranking: 10, this is a big fucking deal for a Black Woman in a mostly-White corporate setting during the 1960s. 

Trudy Campbell

1970, Trudy Vogel Campbell has remarried her estranged husband Pete and they are moving out to Wichita, Kansas with their young daughter Tammy where he will work a plush job for Lear Jet (and they are being flown out by them!). 

For the past ten years, Trudy and Pete have had a difficult marriage where he was dissatisfied with the choices he made and that he really didn’t want to marry her, and Trudy had to deal with being a woman with fertility issues at a time when motherhood was seen as a primary goal for women and women who didn’t have kids or chose not to were seen as weird at best. They had to deal with pressure from her father to adopt, his parents snotty issues, she had to deal with her husband’s attitude, his envy of others, and his cheating. But Trudy laid her boundaries and was able to stand up to her husband, without losing her gracious manner and her zest for society. She tried to be a supportive wife and she found some common ground with him, when it comes to common decency and politics, and they make an amazing pair on the dance floor. 

Then came the end after their divorce: they behave more amicably, he’s more involved with their young daughter, he fights for Trudy, and he gives an amazing pitch for her to come back. She takes him back but lets him know that she isn’t the same girl he married a decade before and she looks at things for how they are. 

Plus she is gonna rule Wichita!

Power Ranking: 8, she accepts there will be compromises but states her boundaries and has them met and will be a society wife. 

Elle Woods

Who shows up in court in LA hot sandals, a pink tote bag for her canine companion Bruiser, long glossy hair, and a curve-hugging but professional power dress in shocking pink? Elle Woods. After trying hard to be taken seriously by her fuckboi ex Warner and her snotty, neutral toned Harvard classmates and learning that her Professor got her in an internship for a important lawcase (where they defend her fellow Sorority Sister) just for her looks, she leans into both her natural intelligence, expertise, and love of pink and all things girly to defend her friend and solve the case. 

Also can we talk about how both Legally Blonde and Bridget Jones’s Diary are both movies where the attractive blonde protagonist is humiliated by showing up for a costume party in a Playboy Bunny costume under false pretenses and she deals with sexual harassment and being underestimated regarding her intellect? But LB ages better because it kinda pokes fun at the beauty myth more and is more inter-sectional and Elle finds supportive women to add to her posse of supportive sisters and she supports other women in turn.

Power Ranking: 10, Sisterhood and owning your personality quirks and interests and boldly defending others is always a win. Case Dismissed. 

Lorelei Lee

The ultimate Pink Power icon and the one who set the path for all femme-y and cute loving blonde protagonists with wit and ambition. This is the song for a woman who sings about how transactional heteronormative relationships in the mid-century were and how the performative actions of men in heterosexual relationships don’t do much to improve women’s lives, like paying the rent and that they would use women for their own uses and could be shallow enough to dump women if they lost their beauty and/or got older, so for insurance make sure you get money or rather things that can be hocked and worn with pride, like diamonds. Tom & Lorenzo covered this in their One Iconic Look series and this sequenced has been spoofed several times in Hey Arnold!, Crazy-Ex Girlfriend, Birds of Prey, and most famously by Madonna, and it is the look for women who not only feel good about their curves but also want to show them off.  As T&Lo said about the ditzy Lorelai and her savvier friend Dorothy Malone (Jane Russell):

These women were all about power, control, and looking out for each other. Men were side stories or play things.

And in the repressive Fifties it was outrageously pink and smelt of female sexual power (pink pussies). 

Power Ranking: 11, hawwwwwwww that’s what you get for having an iconic and referenced look!

Marge Simpson

The most nostalgically remembered outfit in cartoons and the most written about in think pieces and articles by Millennial women who grew up watching The Simpsons and the rest of what the Animation Renaissance had to offer. In “Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield”, the family goes out to the outlet mall in Ogdenville where Marge and Lisa happen upon a beautiful pink Chanel suit that even left my cartoon-apathetic mother enthusiastic and Marge is soon seen by a old high school friend who mistakes her for being wealthy and Marge goes along with the ruse and is invited to Country Club activities with the ladies where she shows up in several talented alterations of her suit (until getting destroyed by Santa’s Little Helper, RIP Iconic suit), she also gives her family a hard time about how they don’t fit into that Country Club Scene and then when forced to see how she hurt them (and even Baby Maggie), turns around and tells them she loves Homer’s sense of humor, Lisa’s compassion and outspoken human rights politics, and just loves Bart (even if she can’t figure what she likes about him). 

This also happens to be another instance where Marge sacrifices a social life (she’s not seen with a lot of friends who have her back, aside from a brief time with Ruth Powers), chances for social mobility, and her own self-improvement for her family. While we love a mother who prioritizes her family’s autonomy, we still kind of hope that she didn’t have to sacrifice her own identity for her family. 

Power Ranking: 8, points for the iconic suit and it’s layered meanings. 

Bridget Jones

A rare move of power for a normally powerless and insecure woman and in a shocking pink blouse and black slacks that show off her hourglass curves and go with her coloring. 

Pink is not a color Bridget isn’t familiar with, especially with this deleted scene that shows her in Pink Passivity (and it looks delicate on a blonde with blue eyes and pale skin but could risk her fading but I as a brunette would look popping!). But here after entering a relationship with Daniel Cleaver (who is a walking red flag) and finding out he was keeping her as his side-ho to his skinny, bitchy American girlfriend and colleague and I have my problems with Bridget Jones as a series (which would take several parts) and I can talk about how Peggy Olson and Joan Holloway were a lot better written versions of her (klutziness and awkwardness but succeeding!). But this is a huge power move where Bridget wears a simple outfit that owns her looks (even being affirmed by a older and previously antagonistic co-worker that she’s actually thinner than the average woman and she can’t back down, like ever) and is able to quit her job for a better and more glamorous job and tell off her ex-boyfriend for how poorly he has treated her. And all her co-workers smile off as she walks off in triumph after telling Daniel she’d rather wipe Saddam Hussein’s ass. I kinda wish I could go Joan Rivers on Daniel here. 

Also points on that bolder shade of pink. 

Power Ranking: 10, no one gets to burn a cheating, manipulative bridge like that (and yes she is conventionally prettier than I but that’s not the point). 

Alice Macray

I know, I should shut my mouth and wear beige but my personal color analysis says I’m a winter person.

It’s an interesting power move, albeit within the confines of patriarchal society and even the only defiance that wouldn’t get her tsked at because she is serving the Male Gaze. And yet it’s a natural part of her characterization in this part of the series: the traditional housewife stubbornly keeping her pedestal and fighting to stall progress for other women pursuing other paths (part of wearing beige and shutting up as Mother of the Groom is to allow the Bride to take center stage) but it’s also a path she had to take what with being a dyslexic in a less informed and intolerant era and growing up in a sheltered, conservative Catholic family. This is also the outfit she wears when she spots a younger wife being forcibly yanked by her husband, alluding that the patriarchy isn’t benevolent. 

This isn’t her first time in pink, or even a pink and blue combination: she wears pink when she goes and gives out bread to defeat the feminists at the Illinois Legislature, she wears pink and blue when Bella Abzug calls on her and her peers’ hypocrisy, she drinks a Pink Lady when she is given a “Christian Pill” and it matches her lavender dress. It’s also ironic: pink, white, and blue are the colors of the Transgender pride flag and she is defending White Heternormative Cisnormative Christian Values TM and it’s also a color combo that shows up in the beauty parlor she frequents where she and her friends wring their hands over working women gaining more ground and feeling that their comfortable privilege is being taken away by women who sully their hands working outside the home while they stay home with their children in their coordinated pastels and have maids of color keep their worlds nice and orderly. 

But she is wearing a pink maxi dress with a high neckline and a very prominent hat that provides very ladylike shade for her fair skin, just like our first Pink Power Girl Mimi Tachikawa, and like Mimi, Alice will take a life-altering short trip to Wonderland. And like Pink Power Girl Eleven, she finds her true hidden power and starts wearing more saturated colors as time goes on. 

Power Ranking: 5, she is on her way to breaking out of her little safe world and doing more than subverting a wedding tradition. 

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines: Cursed Past Chapter 97 - An Unspoken Loss

hey sorry my motivation is still in the toilet but on the bright side Terri makes a friend :P Zash and Terri find a crew to help them steal the Snowbark Amber and Terri makes a new friend

Terri looked out the taxi as it flew over Dromund Kaas, she’d never been here despite being part of the sith academy; only really hearing stories of its size and scale and it certainly was brimming in both. She felt a little intimidated by it all but was more worried about the palace she saw in the distance, were they really going to steal from Empress Acina? Without her there it may make it easy enough to achieve but still what if something went wrong and she and Zash were separated. She sighed she knew they had to though this was the only place they knew with Snowbark Amber and without the means to make Zash stronger they may as well turn themselves in.

They arrived in a posh looking district and Zash led her to a High End Dejarik parlor, Terri was confused what they were doing here “um Zash I thought we looking for help with the Amber” Zash tutted and led her to the counter where she exchanged some words with the owner who nodded and walked away

She smiled “trust me Terri this place is more than it seems, and while we’re at it it may be good to use a fake name while your here to throw the Commander off the scent” Terri nodded they’d already left their sabers on the ship which greatly worried Terri but she understood the reasoning. Still getting used to the weird Vibrosword she had was certainly a challenge, it was so much heavier than her saber.

After a bit the owner came back and led them to the back and through a curtain where Terri’s eyes widened as she saw the back room bar with an array of people discussing all manner of things all with some professional heir to them. 

Zash smiled at Terri and gestured to it “welcome to the most sophisticated hovel of criminals this side of Dromund Kaas” she looked around “at least the last time I checked which was admittedly 8 years ago” it certainly didn’t look like a skeezy criminal bar so that was something

As they walked towards the bar Terri asked “so you know these people? You’ve used their services before?” Zash nodded sitting down on a barstool as she looked around for someone

She answered “yeah pretty much every time I’d need an artefact recovered I’d come here under an alias although that has had to change slightly” as if to answer the question a Zeltron woman came up to Zash and smiled

She hugged her “Zaryl I was so sad to hear of your mother's passing I hope the time was not too traumatic for you she and I knew each other quite well” Terri blinked at the name Zash had chosen it wasn’t exactly a far cry from Zash but if she was posing as her own daughter then she supposed there was something to it

Zash hugged back but seemed tense “Jynne Ilane I’ve heard plenty of those stories from my late mother and don’t worry it was sad yes but I’m strong enough to power through” she chuckled “and honour her legacy by getting into some capers of my own” Terri was completely bewildered by the mask Zash had on she seemed like a completely different person

Jynne laughed “Oh I bet, taking more artefacts out the rich’s hands count me in” she turned to Terri “and who is this an associate of yours” Zash gave Terri a look which suggested she should talk

She smiled and shook her hand “yes I’m Zas... Zaryls assistant my name is uh” she couldn’t think of anything for a second but soon thought of something “Lucy my names Lucy” she let out an internal sigh of relief that was close

Jynee smiled “nice to meet you Lucy I’m sure you two must have quite the plan to contact me at short notice” Zash nodded and began to explain

“Yes well we can discuss the details in private, it’s quite the heist but Lucy already knows the plan you should wait here” Terri nodded even if she didn’t know that much of the plan except what and where they were looking. Still it was probably best if she didn’t butt in on the plan they seemed to know what they were doing and Terri wasn’t exactly a seasoned criminal, if Terri was being entirely honest she wouldn’t mind a smaller role in this particular mission.

She turned to the bartender and ordered some Jogan juice and sipped it quietly until someone came up to the bar, he was tall, short brown hair seemingly human and very noble looking. The robes colours probably indicated what he represented but heck if Terri knew she just sipped her juice quietly.

After a moment he spoke up “now there’s something you don’t see every day” Terri frowned looking around what was he referring to 

She frowned at him, cocking her head “uh what I don’t see anything?” the man looked at her a little confused 

He laughed awkwardly “your hair, it’s not common to see someone with white hair let alone a Mirilian” Terri realised and felt like a right fool

She nodded awkwardly “oh right yeah I guess I’ve gotten used to it I forget how much it stands out, it’s actually quite common among my family but outside yeah not so much” she had admittedly never met another person outside her family with white hair that wasn’t over 60 so she guessed it made sense to pick up on

He smiled “well I think it looks great it suits you really well, not that you needed any help” Terri nodded that was nice to hear Terri and Lusari had always stood out due to their long hair but Terri had never minded it. She sipped her juice as he continued “uh aha my names Leru nice to meet you” Terri gave him an awkward smile

She returned the courtesy, well sorta “um I’m Lucy nice to meet you” as much courtesy as a fake name had

Leru nodded “that’s a really pretty name” Terri definitely thought so “so what are you drinking?” normally Terri wouldn’t indulge a strangers conversation but she was bored waiting for Zash and he was being friendly enough 

Terri looked at her drink “oh just some Jogan juice nothing fancy” she liked fruit juice always had, people said that was childish but the joke was on them when they had a vitamin C deficiency.

Leru had a drink of his own, some kind of cocktail “huh nothing Alcoholic? That’s unique I bet you’d like some of the cocktails they do here they tend to have juice in them” Terri frowned she didn’t like Alcohol very much even when it was a nice cocktail

She shook her head “I don’t think so I’ve never really enjoyed Alcohol the few times I’ve had it” she wondered how Zash was doing with Jynne

Leru seemed to sigh “well I think it’s the thing you might have to try a few times to like” Terri considered it for a second but disagreed, there was a minute of awkward silence as Terri drank her juice “so you hear planning a caper?” Terri frowned should she say anything? She guessed saying she was ‘on a caper’ could mean anything

Terri nodded “yeah sorta I can’t say what it’s hush hush but we may be planning something” Terri yawned she wasn’t very patient and she wanted to know how dangerous their heist would be

Leru was about to say something but Terri noticed as Zash sped past her in a fury “hey DICK she’s not interested so fuck off” Terri gasped as Zash yelled at the man who quickly scurried away 

Terri frowned at her “Zaaaa… Zaryl there was no need to yell at him he was only being friendly” Zash gave her a bemused look as she shook her head

She gestured to his drink “Lucy he was clearly hitting on you didn’t you realise?” Terri’s eyes widened as she heard what Zash said, why would he do that? Why’d he want to hit on her.

Terri frowned at Zash “ewww why would he want to hit on me? I don’t even, are you sure? That doesn’t sound right” she shivered the idea of it made her feel uncomfortable

Zash sat down next to her with a sigh “Terri I know you may not see yourself that way but you’re a very pretty young woman and you may have no interest in them but they don’t know that” it suddenly clicked in her head and she realised that indulging him just to be friendly may have not been the best idea

Terri was still confused “but I wasn’t interested at all, I wouldn’t be” Zash sighed and put a hand on her shoulder

She smiled “that’s why I stepped in to get him off your back, sorry if it seemed rash at the time” Terri nodded she actually did appreciate that a lot

Terri smiled “thanks Zaryl sorry I’m bad at seeing those things, thanks for looking after me” Zash smiled back and for a second Terri felt like she wasn’t looking back at Zash even just for a second

The second passed quickly though and it left her with a pit of sadness in her stomach “of course Terri, now anyway I’ve been discussing the details of the plan with Jynne and we’ll have to get hold of some blueprints and a crew willing and capable to go into the Palace but other than that we’re good” Terri smiled but realised it was just Zash’s plan in front of her and sighed

She still put on a brave face “that’s great Zaryl I’m glad I can’t wait til this is all over” Zash nodded at her with what felt like a bit of a patronising smile

Zash patted her on the back “well hey it’s not long now and I really do appreciate all the help you’ve given me you didn’t exactly have to” Terri smiled that was very nice to hear “now come on the hacker for the team is already here just over there” she pointed to a table where a young Ardennian sat with a few datapads in front of him using his extra arms to use them all at once. He wore a pair of goggles and a flight jumpsuit seemingly especially made for Ardannians

Terri chuckled at the sight “well he certainly could lend a hand” she giggled to herself and Zash gave her a somewhat amused look

They walked over and joined him at the table “Dain Gilata nice to meet you I believe Jynne has given you the details on the mission” he turned to them and a big smile came across his face

He shook both their hands at the same time “and you must be Zaryl and Lucy I must say I’ve never had heist planners that looked like they’d belong in a fashion catalogue so this is bound to be interesting” Zash feigned a laugh but clearly was not amused

She frowned “well I’d hope so your assistance is going to be needed on security and hacking I’ve heard that’s your speciality” he stifled a laugh and showed Zash some of the datapads

He grinned “right now every exit of this place is monitored on these if anything unnatural happens I will know and I’m only doing it now cause, I’m bored imagine what I can do when I’m trying” a grin did cross Zash’s face and Terri had to admit this looked mighty impressive

Zash nodded “very good indeed well you should probably get to know Lucy as she will be protecting you during the security side of things” Terri frowned was she really on guard duty she wanted a muted role but not that muted

Terri looked at Zash dejected “So all I’m doing is protecting Dain he looks pretty capable are you sure that’s the best use of my talents” Zash wagged her finger to imply ‘let me explain’

She answered “no of course not Lucy you know what your best skill is?” Terri thought about it she guessed her ability to visualise an environment “the way you can sense everything so clearly you’re going to be perfect for checking blindspots and sensing danger” Terri was pleased with that it certainly sounded better than guard duty

She smiled “I guess that’s better I’ll do my best” Zash smiled as she stood up

She looked to each of them “I have a few more errands to run in the meantime get to know each other it’ll make the mission run smoother” she left leaving the two of them alone

Dain gave a sarcastic whistle “well she’s certainty a character a bit holier than thou but I’ve had worse leaders” Terri chuckled she was a bit but it was with good reason

Terri crossed her legs and smiled “yeah a bit she’s done a lot for me though so I kinda owe her” Dain nodded he seemed to understand

He held his palms together “yeah that’s fair gotta pay your debts, loyalty will get you a lot further in this galaxy than you think” Terri nodded she’d always thought that too “if you don’t mind me asking why do you owe her Lucy?” Terri wondered how much she should say definitely leave out the sith part

Terri responded “well she helped me escape this awful school I was at, without her I doubt I would’ve been able to ever escape so now I’m helping her out in return” she knew it’s what was best it’s like Zash said she had to honour Lusari’s memory

Dain gritted his teeth “ooh yeah that’s rough well I’m sure she appreciates your support, you two are rather young to be planning a heist like this what are you 18-19?” Terri did always forget they both were barely young adults

Terri didn’t know quite how to answer “well I’m 19 but Zaryl is actually a lot older than she looks I think she’s like 40-50 years old she’s just got one of those youthful faces I think” she didn’t know if that lie would fly but what else could she say

Dain looked at her in surprise “if that isn’t looking good for your age I don’t know what is maybe she found a sith holocron that granted her ‘youth for a great price’” he joked Terri laughed but was fully aware of how likely that actually was

Terri shuddered as her mind went back to why she didn't look so young “she does admittedly I doubt I’ll look so good at 40, we’ve been on a bit of a quest for her just to collect a few things” Dain nodded seemingly interested

He frowned “forgive me for asking if this is intrusive it’s just you talk a lot about what she wants but what do you want out of this it sounds like you’ve done enough to make you guys even” Terri had to admit that was true but of course it was more complex

Terri sighed and looked at him “uh can you keep a secret?” she realised she was giving Dain a lot of information but he was the first person to genuinely ask and he was being very kind. He nodded and she decided as long as she didn’t tell it all it was fine “well there was actually a third person with us Zaryl’s younger sister uh Sahri, she was about my age and well she’s gone now” these fake names were getting out of hand

Dain nodded a solemn look on his face “gone like left or gone gone” Terri nodded at the latter “oh I’m sorry that’s terrible” Terri felt herself sniff she hadn’t really been able to talk to anyone about it in a long time

She nodded continuing “thing is Sahri was really determined to help Zaryl, she said Sahri knew it’d be ok when she was gone cause I’d help Zaryl achieve her goals. So I kinda have to help her for Sahri, we were very close” Dain nodded clearly seeing how it was affecting Terri

Dain walked round the table and put a hand on her back “hey I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you recall that you two seemed pretty close” Terri smiled wiping her eyes she was strong she could get through it

Terri shook her head “no no it’s ok it's nice to talk about it, I can’t talk about it with Zaryl it’s too difficult please don’t tell her I told you” Dain nodded a very genuine smile on his face

He responded “hey of course I won’t say a word, I'm a successful hacker for a reason I’m good at hiding secrets, you seemed very close with Sahri though was she like Zaryl or different? Less pompous?” he joked causing Terri to laugh

She started describing her “she really looked a lot like Zaryl but she had long straight hair that went all the way down her back and she had these cute silly bangs that would always get in her eyes” she felt her heart flutter thinking about Lusari again “Sahri would always wear this dark purple lipstick and nail polish that looked so cool I was always so jealous” she felt a tear fall down herself and she breathed in shaky breath. She didn’t realise how long she’d been holding onto that it felt good to let it out, she sniffed and smiled even if Lusari was gone she still had the good times.

Dain sat next to her with a smile “she seemed like quite the catch and you seemed pretty taken with her” Terri gasped, what die he? Oh who was she kidding why pretend anymore she’d had the biggest crush on Lusari “losing someone can be tough but as long as you’re with the right people you can get through anything Lucy” he moved back over to his side of the table

Terri smiled “yeah I guess so she was very special to me but you’re right I can get through it” she looked over to Zash who was discussing something with Jynne, was she with the right people? She wasn’t sure she knew.

She decided not to press it right now she had a question for Dain “Hey why do you have goggles with no lenses in them?” she’d noticed it while they were talking but hadn’t said anything until now

Dain laughed “oh you noticed, thing is I have perfect eyesight but they just complete the look ya know” Terri chuckled glad to have made a friend it had been an awfully long time since she’d done that...

[samscns-blog]

      *    𝖎𝖋   ur  ready  to  two  step  into  some  absolute  BULLSHIT  tomfoolery  ,  ya  girl  𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧  is  ready  for  u  with  my  lil  firecrotch  son  ,  𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖔𝖓  .  strong  silent  type  ,  ABSOLUTE  buffoon  ,  barely  keeping  it  together  so  hopefully  by  the  time  we’re  done  w  him  he’s  still  in  something  resembling  one  piece  :’)  all  my  love  to  u  and  u  cute  asses  !  i’m  so  excited  to  get  this  all  poppin  !

⋆  ╰  another   year   at   hollingsworth   ,  another   year   of   the  big   six rivalry   .   i   hear   that  SAMSON  MAILOTO   is   ensuring  SIGMA  ALPHA  NU   gets   a   solid   pledge   class   and   stays   at   the   top   of   the   ranks   .  oh   ,   you’re   not   familiar   with  HIM  ?  SAM   is   the  KJ  APA   look   alike   from  THE  BRONX   ,   NEW  YORK   .   a  part   of   PC  ‘16   ,  he  is   majoring   in  KINESIOLOGY   and   has   plans   to  ENTER  THE  MMA  AND  ESCAPE  FROM  THE  PUBLIC  EYE   after   undergrad   .   it   makes   sense   they   pledged   their   house   ,   their  PHLEGMATIC   &  SOLICITOUS   attributes   make   them   perfect   matches   .   however   ,   their  TREPIDATIOUS   &  AUSTERE   attributes   keep   their   name   alive   on  greek   rank   .   if   you   don’t   catch   them   dancing   to  BLEACH   -   BROCKHAMPTON   at   a   fraternity   band   party   this   year   ,   you’ll   be   sure   to   catch   them   nursing   their   morning   hangover   at  THE  SNU  HOUSE   .  cheers   to   another   wild   semester  !

⋆ ╰   𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺  .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍    𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :     samson  ioaleki  mailoto

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬     :    sam  ,  sammy  

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆    /    𝒂𝒈𝒆 :    february  4    ,    twenty

𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄     :    aquarius

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚    /    𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔     :     cismale  identifying    with    he  /  him  /  his  pronouns    

𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏     :     heteroflexible  and  pansexual  ;  he’s  never  actively  considered  himself  as  lgbtq+  but  has  also  never  given  it  much  thought  ddjdjdjdkjdk

𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    :    kinesiology  major  at  hu  ,  aspiring  welterweight  mma  fighter  ,  us  olympic  representitive  for  men’s  boxing  in  the  2020  olympics

𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔    𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆    :    gryffindor

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅    𝒃𝒚     :     eliot  alder  from  mr  robot  ,  kylo  ren  from  the  new  star  wars  series  ,  detective  elliot  stabler  from  law  and  order  svu  ,  steve  rogers  from  the  mcu  

𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔    :    -    trepidatious  ,  austere  ,  apprehensive  ,  hesitant  ,  antisocial  ,  hostile  ,  bellicose  .

+        phlegmatic  ,  solicitous  ,  benevolent  ,  rational  ,  stalwart  ,  loyal  ,  reliable  ,  optimistic  .

𝑃𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐸𝑆𝑇  located  here  !

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

bullet  points  for  the  win  bc  who  has  time  for  all  the  tomfoolery  i  could  spew  from  my  ass  !

sammy’s  mom  was  a  housekeeper  in  upper  manhattan  for  some  fancy  dancy  homes  who  needed  their  gold  toilet  seat  covers  sanitized  3x  a  day  ,  u  know  the  type 🙄

samson  grew  up  in  a  run  down  apartment  in  a  small  samoan  community  in  the  bronx  and  has  always  been  a  lil  antisocial  weirdo  since  those  warm  dark  eyes  came  into  the  light  .  he  rlly  minded  his  own  business  n  wasn’t  really  curious  about  literally  anything  besides  running  and  wrestling  w  his  cousins  .  his  mom  struggled  to  keep  him  fed  and  housed  and  dressed  and  worked  relentless  hours  but  never  left  sam  needing  anything  ,  a  literal  fucking  legend  of  a  woman  and  he’s  proud  to  carry  her  last  name  !

sammy  always  felt  the  weight  of  never  wanting  to  be  an  extra  burden  to  his  mother  and  learned  to  really  be  self-sufficient  ,  likely  explaining  his  satisfaction  with  being  so  alone  

he  vaguely  remembers  the  night  his  life  changed  in  middle  school  ,  the  hushed  strained  whisper  from  the  living  room  ,  he’s  your  god  damned  son  too  ,  think  about  him  for  once  in  your  fucking  life  .  it  hit  like  a  fucking  train  once  the  story  picked  up  ,  5  time  nfl  superbowl  champ  father  to  secret  love  child  .  think  arnold  schwarznegger’s  secret  son  level  scandal  !  suddenly  his  shithead  of  a  dead  is  trying  to  salvage  his  image  ,  fighting  for  split  custody  arrangements  ,  telling  the  press  how  much  in  child  support  he  payed  ,  anything  to  save  his  ass

this  is  the  first  time  samson  remembers  being  fueled  by  rage  in  his  life  ,  as  a  relatively  well-tempered  child  ,  the  injustice  of  having  this  near-stranger  try  to  be  a  “  DAD  ” to  him  while  shitting  all  over  his  mother’s  name  made  his  fucking  blood  boil  and  becomes  a  theme  for  his  future

he  spends  the  next  chapters  of  his  life  going  to  the  fancy  private  schools  in  new  york  his  dad  picks  for  him  and  tearing  his  tie  off  on  the  ratty  bus  ride  into  the  bronx  to  go  home  to  his  mom  .  he  hates  having  to  haul  ass  back  and  forth  ,  wishing  he  could  stay  with  the  only  family  he’s  actually  given  a  shit  about  ,  but  bears  it  for  the  sake  of  not  causing  his  mom  any  more  torment  .  his  father  is  as  awful  as  could  be  imagined  ,  and  samson  hates  every  second  of  existing  with  him  ,  the  snarky  little  comments  at  school  and  in  the  ritzy  wealthy  circles  that  make  him  feel  more  of  a  black  sheep  than  he  ever  asked  to  be

this  becomes  the  root  of  his  anxiety  ,  bearing  the  weight  of  the  world’s  expectations  on  his  young  shoulders  and  repressing  his  own  needs  and  desires  as  a  result  .  he  goes  into  every  sport  imaginable  ,  his  father’s  DNA  being  increasingly  difficult  to  deny  ,  but  finds  a  particular  talent  with  fighting  and  takes  on  as  many  fighting  styles  as  he’s  able  to  master

turning  18  should  mean  freedom  for  sam  ,  but  nothing  is  ever  as  simple  as  he  could  ask  in  his  life  .  in  order  to  keep  the  child  support  payments  that  admittedly  help  keep  his  mother  afloat  ,  his  father  asks  one  more  thing  of  samson  :  hold  off  on  his  pro  mma  dreams  for  just  a  little  longer  in  order  to  attend  his  alma  matter  ,  hollingsworth  university  ,  as  a  publicity  move  and  then  he’ll  be  out  of  sam’s  life  in  every  way  except  financially  .  with  the  dream  of  completing  college  like  his  mom  always  aspired  for  him  ,  sam  agreed  and  went  on  to  appease  the  man  one  last  time  ,  joining  his  former  fraternity  to  sweeten  the  deal  (  and  secure  a  lovely  brownstone  in  his  childhood  neighborhood  signed  in  his  mother’s  name  )  and  is  a  year  out  from  graduating  and  letting  mma  be  the  only  reason  his  name  would  ever  appear  in  the  tabloids  .

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

personality  wise  ,  i  describe  sam  as  the  stupid  bitch  w  big  npc  energy  ,  if  u  want  him  to  talk  u  gotta  talk  to  him  first  and  even  then  he  might  just  give  u  that  hostile  stare  and  just  .. . .  remain  silent  KSDFSDF

he’s  about  as  NOT  a  people  person  as  physically  possible  ,  would  really  be  content  just  sticking  to  his  inner  circle  for  like  the  rest  of  his  life  without  concern  .  he  seems  like  this  rude  stand-offish  dick  but  the  truth  is  he’s  PAINFULLY  SHY  and  has  a  p  severe  case  of  generalized  anxiety  disorder  so  interactions  ?  w  new  ppl  ?  are  a  HARD  pass

did  i  mention  he’s  on  steriods  bc  that  def  adds  to  his  anxiety  and  hostility  !  lmao  !  he  started  juicing  in  high  school  when  his  dad  kept  pressuring  him  for  football  and  how  he  was  “  twice  your  size ”   at  that  age  ,  n  he  HATES  the  dude  but  he’s  also  lowkey  insecure  abt  his  lack  of  a  father  figure  so  ?  used  daddy’s  money  to  start  his  first  cycle  and  pay  off  to  test  clean  and  now  he’s  been  hooked  on  and  off  .  he’s  currently  starting  a  new  cycle  to  bulk  up  for  the  new  season  and  prep  for  the  2020  olympics  but  swears  he  wont  be  on  them  forever  :/

they  make  him  SUPER  aggressive  when  set  off  ,  it’s  a  decent  thing  that  sam’s  so  monotone  and  shy  that  he’s  also  pretty  laid  back  and  kinda  hard  to  rile  up  .  he  really  doesn’t  take  much  personally  and  won’t  do  a  huge  “  chest  pumped  bro  lets  do  this ”  show  bc  he  ?  thinks  all  those  guys  who  do  that  are  tools  LMAO  but  find  the  right  button  to  push  n  he’ll  become  the  very  thing  he  despises  !

if  u  can  get  past  the  literal  awkward  silence  and  resting  bitch  face  ,  sammy  is  actually  really  well  known  for  being  just  a  generally  decent  guy  .  the  perception  is  often  that  he’s  a  dick  bc  he  think’s  he’s  better  than  a  lot  of  ppl  ,  but  the  truth  is  he’s  just  too  nervous  to  start  conversations  n  most  ppl  assume  its  an  ego  thing  vs  a  “  i’m  about  to  piss  myself  thinking  abt  all  the  ways  this  convo  can  go  wrong  so  i’ll  just  not  talk  and  glare  @  u  instead  ”  thing

if  he  had  his  shit  together  he  would  definitely  qualify  as  a  dad  type  ,  but  since  he  doesn’t  ,  he  won’t  SSHSHSHSH  but  he’s  really  just  a  softie  deep  down  ,  he  has  a  stupid  as  HELL  sense  of  humor  and  is  really  objective  and  level  headed  .  the  gryffindor  in  him  is  DEEPLY  loyal  ,  like  to  the  death  ,  but  he’s  got  lots  of  hufflepuff  in  the  sense  that  he’s  really  willing  to  get  his  hands  dirty  to  help  those  in  need  .  u  need  help  moving  ?  someone  to  keep  u  company  while  u  babysit  ?  feel  nervous  walking  alone  after  class  at  night  ?  sammy  might  leave  u  on  read  if  u  text  him  bc  he’s  a  Dumb  Bitch  like  that  but  he’ll  show  up  on  the  dot  ,  hands  in  pockets  ,  exactly  where  u  asked  him  to  be  ready  to  do  what  u  asked  him  to  do  .  the  mans  is  a  super  hard  worker

he  def  still  feels  kinda  weird  at  uni  ?  he’s  p  smart  but  some  of  the  classes  unrelated  to  athletics  and  anatomy  have  given  him  a  REALLY  tough  time  (  dance  appreciation  for  his  fine  arts  credit  almost  tanked  his  gpa  LMAO  )  and  he’s  not  top  of  his  class  or  anything  but  ppl  still  try  to  talk  to  him  bc  of  the  whole  “  famous  dad  ,  future  olympian  ”  thing  ,  which  he  can  pick  up  from  a  mile  a  way  and  makes  him  super  uncomfortable  .  even  being  in  a  frat  w  a  bunch  of  old  money  rich  boys  makes  him  DEF  feel  like  the  odd  one  out  ,  and  he’s  just  counting  down  the  days  until  he’s  OUT  OF  HERE

in  conclusion  :  i  love  u  all  .  lets  suffer  together  .  :~)

[uniquecreations]

“Workplace Lover” Pt. 1

I was working for this inventory company for a few months when I was promoted to inventory manager. I was assigned to certain stores and pretty much had my team together when they decided to hire a bunch of people. The downside to having new people on my team was the pace slowed down due to me training them. No matter in what company you may work for when you get promoted there are going to be haters and people just downright salty because they didn’t get the position. Either way, I was happy but my love life sucked monkey balls, I couldn’t find a man to save my life. I take part to blame in that because of the insecurities that I dealt with at the time.

  I got up for work this particular morning feeling awful, I went out the night before, got in at around 2:30 am and had to get up at 6 am for work. (Wasn’t one of my best choices.) When I made it to the pick-up spot my team was looking defeated as well, so I knew this was going to be a long day. I went and got all the equipment together and loaded it into one of the vans to leave. The new people showed up shortly afterward and we were ready to hit the road. I had this one friend Ron (straight guy) that I always shot the shit with every day. He would always seem to make the day easy for me by doing stupid shit that just hyped up all of us.

  We made to the job site and began working, I had about 5 out of the 8 new people that no matter what I did, they just couldn’t seem to catch on to add and subtract. In the ones that I was going to definitely keep, there was this one guy named Alton, he was brown skin, had dreads, a deep voice, and a gorgeous smile. He was the most impressive, not just because he was sexy but because he actually took direction well. Once I showed him what to do, it was only a few times he came to me for something after that.

  On our lunch break, I was eating at a nearby food joint with my homie Ron when Alton and a few other people walked in. I was so engulfed in Alton’s looks and the way he walked that I was totally ignoring Ron.

  “Nigga, did you hear me?” He said throwing a fry at me.

  “No, my bad what did you say?” I said embarrassed.

  “I said that since we off tomorrow we should go to the Daquiri Café and get fucked up.”

  “I don’t know about that, I had enough to drink last night to last me the rest of the year.” I said laughing.

  “Punk ass, come on man join ya boy and live a little.” He said pleading, and after a lil back and forth I finally agreed. He was right tho, he would ask me to go out with him and his girl all the time, but I always found an excuse not to go.

  “Aye, can I join yall?” Alton said approaching us with his food on his tray.

  “Sure,” I said looking at the food on his tray. “You sure you can eat all that before it’s time to go back?”

  “Probably but if I can’t then I will just pack this shit up and take it home.” He said after sitting down, we all shared a laugh together and spent the rest of our break getting to know our new team member.

  We finally got thru the day, to say I was beyond tired was an understatement. I already sent a van full of people home and the only people left was the audit team. We made sure all the counts were accounted for as well as correct any mistakes that were made. This process could take anywhere from 30 mins to 4 hours depending on the corrections that needed to be made. Ron and Alton stayed back to help with this process and that made it easier for me because they kept me laughing.

  “So, Alton since you apart of our team now, and since we all have the same schedule…... I was thinking that you should join Jaye and me at the Daquiri Café tonight for some drinks and bitches.” Ron said.

  “I don’t know about the bitches’ part because as you and I both know yo girl will kick both of us in the dick if she finds out.” I said laughing.

  “I’m game, I wasn’t doing shit tonight anyway.” Alton said. I wasn’t too sure about this because even though Ron knew I was gay, I didn’t like to hang around new people who didn’t know about my lifestyle. That could turn out really bad or just make it awkward while working.

  “Cool, they have two we can choose from but since Jaye is technically our boss I vote he choose which one we go to,” Ron said smirking.

  “I can’t fucking stand you and I’m not your boss, I’m only your supervisor while we work in the stores, I can’t fire or hire nobody just write you up and make a recommendation for your termination that’s it.” I said laughing.

  “Stop lying nigga, I looked at your computer earlier and I saw that you got rid of some of the people that came today.”

  “Shut up, that’s private information and while in training and since I’m still the lead trainer I do get to say who stays and who goes but I had to get rid of them because they just…… I don’t know maybe someone else can help them, but I can’t anymore.”

  “So, was I on that list of people? I mean just keep it real.” Alton said with a nervous look on his face and I smirked.

  “No, you weren’t if that was the case you wouldn’t be here right now…… enough of all this bullshit talk I need yall to go look for these sections that haven’t come in yet.” I said hanging them the list of things I needed to be checked.

  After making it home I was beyond tired, all I wanted to do was lay down in my bed and sleep until the following week. That was short lived because just when the sleep was getting good my phone started ringing. I grabbed it to see it was my boos calling.

  “Hey, I need some information about the people you switched and the ones you wanna keep.” She said after I picked up the phone.

  “The ones I wanna keep had absolutely no problem catching on to the work but the other five were just horrible at taking direction. I didn’t suggest that they should be fired I just wanted them to go to Bobbi or Angie team because they work in smaller stores and they can focus more on them than I could.”

  “Ok, we can do that but just for future references…... don’t involve me in your crap, you have every right to assign whomever you want to any team if you feel like they would be an asset to that team. Oh, and you did an amazing job today, I got nothing but good reports from the district manager.”

  “Tell me something new but I will talk to you later I have some things to take care of.”

  “Ok see you on Monday.” She said hanging up the phone. I looked at the time and realized that it was almost time to go meet up with Ron and Alton down the street at the Daquiri Café. I went took a shower and pulled out some clothes, no sooner than I got dressed Ron called my phone.

  “Damn can I put some draws on before you get to rushing me out the house?” I said laughing.

  “Nigga you should have been had yo shit on……. I’m outside so bring yo ass and open the door.” He said hanging up, I threw on some socks and went to open the door before I had to kick his ass. “You never on time for nothing nigga, you were late for work this morning, and now you just now getting dressed.”

  “If you going to be bitching all night then you can beat ya feet motherfucker.” I said walking back to my room, while walking I got hit in the back with a pillow off the couch. “You better stop before I whoop yo ass and put my shit back in the right spot too.”

  I walked into my room tempted to just say fuck it and call it a night, but I made a promise and I was going to keep it. I walked out the room to find that this nigga took all my pillows off my couch and tossed them on the floor. This nigga always doing stupid shit when he come over here, like the last time he came over here he put dish soap in my fish tank which killed all my damn fish. He did buy me some more but it’s stupid shit like that that works my nerves with him. I didn’t say nothing to him, I just walked into the kitchen and filled up a pot with hot water and walked back into the living room.

  “Yo you better not throw that shit on me.” He said holding up one of the pillows.

  “You got 30 seconds to fix my couch you jackass.” I said still holding the pot, he quickly put all the pillows back on my couch and I started laughing.

  “You never play fair tho Jaye, why would you wanna throw hot ass water on me before we go out that shit foul man.” He said laughing.

  “Because you always doing stupid shit, that’s why I’ma stop you from coming over here.” I said walking to the door.

  “Whatever let’s go that nigga probably already waiting on us.”

  “Ok but you driving because I’m still tired.”

  We made our way to the Daquiri Café in no time at all because as I said earlier it was literally down the street from my house. When we walked in I spotted Alton sitting at the bar, I thought he was sexy earlier but now that I see him in regular clothes…… this nigga is drop dead gorgeous. I had no idea how I was going to get thru this evening without staring at him the whole night. We walked up to the bar where he was sitting and sat down, Alton turned his head and looked in our direction.

  “About time yall showed up, I thought yall flaked out on me.” He said laughing.

  “No, but there is something you should know about our boss here……. His ass always late to everything. I got over to his house and his ass wasn’t even dressed yet.” Ron said laughing.

  “Well unlike you two bastards I had more work to do when I got home and plus I was still tired from last night. Yall lucky I’m even here right now.” I said flagging down the bartender. We all placed our order and sat there just talking like we had been friends for ever.

  “So how long you been doing Inventory?” Alton asked me.

  “For about a year now, it wasn’t my first choice but when I was offered the job, they gave me an offer that I couldn’t refuse.” I said sipping from my cup. “Overall, it’s been good, but I don’t think I wanna make a career out of it like Doris and Linda, but it pays the bills and leave me with extra in my pocket.”

  “Cool, this is new to me I’m used to working fast food or doing lil odd jobs from temp services.”

  “You have great work ethics, unlike some people I know.” I said looking at Ron.

  “Aye fuck you nigga I’m the best person you have on your team so miss me with the bullshit or I’ma have to beat yo ass.”

  “The only thing you can beat is yo meat nigga, don’t start your bullshit.” I said and we all bust out laughing.

  “How long yall been cool? It seems like yall brothers or something.” Alton asked and the way he said ‘something’ didn’t sit right with me but I wasn’t going to think on it too much.

  “Before my promotion we worked a few jobs together, he has been a thorn in my side ever since.”

  “Yea right nigga, but Jaye is a down right cool as dude, he will do whatever he can to help anyone just as long as they trying to do shit for themselves.”

  “That’s what’s up, but let’s go get a game of pool in and get this shit crunk.”

  We played pool, got some food, had more drinks than I wanted to have, and had a damn good time just shooting the shit. The night was going good until Ron got a call from his girl and what ever they talked about had him in a sour mood for a bit.

  “What’s going on Ron?” I asked him.

  “She pissed off at me because in her words she never gets to see me until I’m horny or whenever I make time but that’s a lie because I was with her before I came to get you and she knew that we were hanging tonight.”

  “Ok well let’s cut this night short and you go fix things with your girl because I don’t have time for her kicking both our ass.”

  “Man fuck that, she will be just fine, I’m not about to keep catering to her bullshit every time she gets in one her moods.” He said ordering another round of drinks.

  “You not gone learn until that girl murder yo ass but its your shot.” I said picking up my pool cue.

  The night went on and we cut the drinks off because Alton looked drunk as hell and Ron was getting there. I had an extra room at my house, but I wasn’t to sure about letting either one of them sleep over. Ron wasn’t going to stay any way if push came to shove, he was going to call his girl to come get him and I take his car home, but Alton I knew nothing about so that was a definite no on his part.

  “If this bitch sends me one more text, I’ma go over there and throw her phone in the middle of the street.” Ron said showing me all the text messages between him and her. I scrolled up reading the messages, but I went to far up and saw some pictures they sent each other. Let’s just say I see why she so paranoid because Ron had some serious meat down there.

  “Umm…... just drop me off at the house and you go be with your girl bruh.” I said reluctantly giving him his phone back.

  “I’m not ready to go and if you don’t wanna leave right now I can bring you home and let this nigga go get his shit together.” Alton said catching me off guard.

  “Jaye don’t like people knowing where he stays so we can just do this some other time.” Ron said drinking the last of his drink.

  “Nah it’s cool bruh, you go take care of that and call me later.” I said dapping him up.

  Ron left us at the Café while he went to go make sure his girl was good, no matter what I did I couldn’t shake the image of his dick out my head. It was the prettiest dick I had seen in a very long time, I know I shouldn’t have kept thinking about it, but I couldn’t help it.

  “You ready to go.” Alton said bringing me out of my thoughts.

  “Umm yea…... but can you drive because I don’t wanna spend the rest of my night laid up in a hospital room.” I said laughing.

  “Yea I got you, I aint that messed up.” He said laughing.

  We left out and made it to my house in one piece, I thought about it and there was no way I was going to let this dude drive home drunk. I told him that he could crash on the couch and leave in the morning when he woke up. I went into my room to get him an extra cover and some shorts to sleep in, when I went back into the living room this nigga had kicked off his shoes and was laying on the couch watching tv.

  “I got you a cover and some shorts to sleep in, there is food and drinks in the fridge as well, just don’t touch my cokes.” I said placing the stuff on the couch.

  “Or you can go get comfortable as well and pour us some more drinks, I know you got liquor in here.” He said smirking, against my better judgement I went and threw on some night clothes and walked back into the living room. He had changed into the shorts I gave him, but he didn’t have a shirt on, his body was on point and I was stuck in one spot staring at him. “What you looking at nigga?” he said laughing, I hung my down in embarrassment and walked into the kitchen. I poured us some drinks and walked in the living room.

  “Umm you need a shirt to put on?” I asked after handing him his drink.

  “Nah, I don’t like sleeping in shirts I feel like I’m being suffocated.” He said laughing.

  We started drinking and watching tv for a while, I looked at the time and it was now 3 in the morning. I stood up and staggered a lil bit from the drinks I consumed. I shook off the feelings, looked at his body one last time and started to walk to my room before he stopped me.

  “If you wanna look you don’t have sneak just look.” He said smiling. I was taken back by his comment, it caught me off guard to the point where I ran right into the wall.

  “You aint all that nigga but goodnight I’m going to bed.”

  “I guess weakling.” He said laughing.

  “Unlike you, I didn’t get much rest last night or when I got off so excuse me if I’m tired, now go to bed before I punch you in the face.” I said laughing.

  “Don’t get fucked up, but I hear ya take yo tired ass to bed.” I didn’t bother saying nothing back I just went to my room and laid across my bed.

  The thoughts of Ron’s dick flashed back to my mind as well as the comment that Alton made. Maybe I was drunk and overthinking things, but it sounded like he was flirting with me. the more I thought about it the more I had to find out what he meant by that comment. I got up and walked back into the living room where he was still finishing off the last of his drink.

  “What did you mean by the comment you made a few minutes ago?” I asked him standing in the door way.

  “Man, what yo drunk ass talking about?” He said laughing.

  “About me staring at your body.”

  “Oh, I meant that I noticed you staring at me a few times but when you saw me you tried to act like you wasn’t, so I said that if you wanted to look at me then just do it.” He said still laughing.

  “Whatever, I look at what I want and who I want so what’s it to you?”

  “It’s nothing to me, but I thought you was going to bed?”

  “I am why you wanna join me?” I said and almost slapped the hell out myself for saying that shit.

  “You probably would like that wouldn’t you?” He said laughing.

  “Whatever, goodnight Alton.” I said walking back to my room.

  I turned on my tv and laid under the covers, I couldn’t believe that I actually said that stupid shit to this dude. He didn’t go off on me but still I never said nothing like that to a straight guy before so that alone made me feel dumb as hell. I closed my eyes and began to fall asleep, a few seconds afterwards I heard my door open. When I opened my eyes, Alton was walking towards me, he didn’t say anything, he just walked to my bed and climbed in. before I could ask him what the hell he was doing he pressed his lips to mine and all rationality went out the window. Was this really happening? What am I thinking right now? How would this affect us at work? All these things went thru my mind, but my body had another mind of it’s on.

©unique creations 2018

[artificialqueens]

Say You Won’t Let Go Part 4 (Biadore) - Fucking Awful

A/N: As promised, a faster update!

For those joining this party now – here’s the link to the first installments:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Here we pick up in Summer 2015, 3 months after Part 3. **UPFRONT STYLE WARNING** There is a lot of exposition in the beginning, and one totally convenient moment of flashback. They help explain what’s happening here without dragging the story on forever, so #sorrynotsorry

Oh, and as a reminder, the song: Say You Won’t Let Go

I knew I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old

Spring 2015.  At first, after what Danny would mentally refer to as “The Florida Fuck-Up,” it was awkward. So awkward. Danny was trying to act normal, like nothing ever happened, but Roy was clearly putting distance between them. It may have looked like everything was okay to the casual observer, but Danny sensed the shift.  

Still, he tried to rationalize it. Sure, Roy didn’t really talk to him the next day at the Orlando show – but obviously he was just exhausted. And it was totally natural that, at his last BOTS show the next night, Roy avoided Danny completely and got ready in a separate dressing room; he probably just wanted to spend the last day getting ready with Michelle. And it only immediately pulled out of a few international dates with Danny and Shane right after – because he was out preparing and kicking off the tour for Rolodex of Hate.

Yup, all of that was totally normal.

Danny resolved that if Roy was going to avoid him, he would avoid Roy. So, he threw himself into a hurricane of work and travel. Danny was going to occupy as much of his own time as the universe would allow – at least for as long as it took to get over whatever the fuck he was feeling, and for Roy to get back to normal.

Luckily it was a very eventful period in his life. Danny started working on his next album, played live music shows across the country, toured for Drag Race around the globe, made new friends with all the Ru girls, shot music videos he was artistically proud of…he even started dating someone new, but more on that later.

Of course, it wasn’t all good – life’s never that easy. In the aftermath of his father’s death, Danny’s own health got a little out of whack from not sleeping. He didn’t want to think to hard about what was keeping him up at night; Danny knew from a few tries at therapy that his relationship with his dad was better left unexamined. The tours were great to distract him, but the pressure to always be “on,” the grueling schedule, and the constant berating from Michelle – and vicious non-fan girls – wore him down. Danny could familiar feelings of depression creeping through his insomnia.

But when things went south, as if like magic, Roy came back. After a month or so of silence, Roy started writing him every single day. The medium would change – Tweets, texts, emails – but it was constant. Didn’t matter if Danny replied or not, Roy worked his way back to being a constant in his life. And all as if everything was cool and casual.

It took Danny some time to get used to that. Their first real conversation was that June, just before Roy’s birthday. He invited Danny on a group trip to Mexico, a vacation to celebrate his 40th birthday. As badly as he wanted to go – to celebrate with Roy, to hug him for the first time in months, to see his half-naked tanned body sparkling in the ocean – he ultimately said no. Alcohol and hotel rooms seemed to spell trouble for the two of them, and Danny couldn’t trust his own limited sense of self control; if he went, there was a 99.9% chance he’d end up pinning Roy against a wall and embarrassing himself yet again.

So instead Danny sent a gift, and a stupid funny card with a made up excuse about recording dates he couldn’t miss. Roy sent him a string of texts that alternated between Bianca angry and legitimately angry – more of the latter when he realized Danny lied. He must have forgiven him quickly, though, because just on the 4th of July Danny got a surprise in the mail.

–

July 2015. For the first time he could remember, there was a package waiting on his front porch on a sunny Saturday. It was a small box – bright red paper, obnoxious bow twice the size of the box itself. Inside a key – not a regular brass or silver one, but one of those ridiculous things with custom images printed on it. This one had Pennywise the Clown stamped all over it. Underneath, there was a note:

If you’d bothered to come to Mexico instead of being a lying piece of shit, you would’ve heard this in person – I’m getting a place in LA, and planning to be there at the end of July and most of August. Housewarming on July 24th. Be there or you’re dead to me, cunt. Address on the back. Love you, pussyfart. 

Danny was thrilled. This was a clear gesture of forgiveness for his admittedly childish behavior – not just for the birthday, but for all of it – and he wasn’t going to wuss out on finally seeing Roy face-to-face. He grabbed his phone and fired off a text.

Danny: Just got your special delivery – admittedly not the kind of package I was hoping to get today, but it’ll do. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, see you in a couple of weeks. Miss you xx

His fingers typed too fast to double check what he wrote. Reading it back, he wondered if the dick joke and the extra “miss you” were mistakes. But his phone pinged before he could think too long about it.

Roy: WOW, I KNEW YOU WERE A LAZY QUEEN BUT I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU WANTED DICK DELIVERED TO YOUR DOORSTEP. MENTAL NOTE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. DICKMATES.

As usual Roy wrote it off as a joke. That suited Danny – better a joke than have to unpack any of what was really going on.

But then, another ping.

Roy: CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU. MISS YOU MORE. XX

–

When the party finally rolled around, Danny made sure to come with a crowd. He needed back up if he was going to go in live. Rather than risk being alone with Roy – that was a normal thing for best friends to avoid, right? – Danny made sure to link up with Shane, Justin and Willam for comfort. 

“I can’t believe we finally converted that bitch into an LA queen,” shouted Willam from Courtney’s bathroom. He had just finished de-dragging from a Paint Me Bitch, and was checking for last hints of makeup.

“He hasn’t committed to moving here yet. He just got a place out here.” Courtney responded from the kitchen, pouring a final round of Fireball shots before calling the Uber to leave.

“A spot in New York and one in LA? Please, that $100,000 is gonna run out real soon. 2 months and he’ll be LA only, for sure.” Willam paused to rinse his face. “I’m surprised it even took this long, considering how many time I told him he never would. You know he can’t back away from a challenge – first going on Drag Race at all, then moving to LA. Lord knows fish lips can’t turn down a shot.”

Meanwhile, Justin sat with Danny on the couch as they both scrolled through their phones. Danny could see that the party had already started – Detox and Raja were already sending snaps of Roy’s ridiculously nice apartment and the many beautiful men who had shown up to celebrate it. Danny felt a pang in his chest scrolling through pictures of Roy hugging strangers under the kind of romantic lights he’d strung up on his patio.

Who can afford a private deck  in WeHo?, Danny wondered. He was trying to cover a pang that felt a lot like jealousy.

He snapped out of it when Willam walked out of the bathroom and said, “I’m serious, you could probably get him to suck your dick just by telling him you bet he wouldn’t do it.”

Both Shane and Justin ever so briefly but so obviously stopped what they were doing and glanced at Danny. He tried to ignore the comment and the looks, but Danny could feel his face go beet red in response.

“What the fuck?” Danny had hoped he missed it, but clearly Willam caught their split second looks and his lingering flush. “I ain’t stupid or hallucinating, can someone please tell me what just happened?”

A couple beats of silence. Danny prayed they would just stay quiet; Willam wasn’t known for patience, and he’d likely change the subject if no one took the bait for a good 30 seconds. He managed to lock eyes with Justin and send that psychic message, but unfortunately it was too late to reach Shane.

“Danny doesn’t want to talk about it!”

Fuck that fucking koala twink, I swear to God I’ll flush him backwards down the toilet, Danny thought to himself.

“Goddammit Shane, can you not keep your mouth shut!” Before Danny could react, Justin was laughing in feigned anger and threw a pillow at the blonde bartender. “Seriously, you are un-fucking-believable sometimes!”

“Hey, watch it!” Shane had successfully ducked the pillow, and now chucked it back at Justin. “You almost made me spill perfectly good Fireball. Some of us can’t show up to this party sober, especially if we have to hide long-suffering crushes on our host.” Shane threw the back of his hand across his forehead at the last sentence, laying on the drama for comedic effect.

Shane and Justin both seemed to find this situation just sooo funny. Danny, on the other hand, was NOT amused. He shot is Doc Marten-clad right foot across the couch, kicking Justin right in the shin with all the strength he could muster. Clearly that had been a lot, from the way he yelped in response.

“What the hell, Lask? Did you tell Shane what I told…well I mean what I kind of told…what we talked about on tour?” Danny had made a conscious effort not to reveal anything about his crush to Shane, feeling it would be totally unfair to but the C in the middle of A and B. Justin, his mom and Chris were the only ones who he’d even sort of talked to about Roy, and he felt betrayed that his road homie Alaska would sell him out.

“Oh relax, Danny. I’m blonde, not blind. You love Roy.” Shane grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer and brought it over to Justin, who was rocking his leg back and forth. Danny was about to object, but Shane steamrolled on. “You looooove him. Who do you think tipped Justin off? We all saw how broody you were on BOTS, practically dying of unrequited love. You had to talk to someone if you wouldn’t talk to me, and figured Justin was as good as anybody.”

Justin spoke through gritted teeth. “It’s not like Shane really had to tell any of us in the first place. Watching you two I was surprised you didn’t fuck like rabbits right there on the tour bus floor. Every conversation you felt like it came out of either a romantic comedy or the first 2 minutes of some really bad porn.” Justin was rolling his eyes at the memory.  

Shit, thought Danny. So much for being subtle.

“Alright fuckers, once more for those of us who weren’t on your little tour. What is happening here?” Willam scanned the room, determined to get an answer.  

Shane started. “So Danny has a thing for Roy.”

“Duh, I’m not a dumbass. I already knew that. Everybody knows that.” Willam rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed by the information.

“What?” The flush was deepening on Danny’s cheeks, making a permanent home there.

“Don’t you read Reddit?” Willam looked at Danny and raised an eyebrow. “Besides, who doesn’t want to fuck him and see if those tired ass ‘big dick and no credit’ jokes are true? Shit, I’ve seen the print in the sweatpants. Everyone going to this party would probably like to take a crack at that.”

“I, uh, think it’s a little more complicated than that. Danny is – “

Justin kept talking, but Danny stopped listening. It was like an out of body experience, astral projection brought on by total mortification.

He could not believe this was really happening. Now all the AAA Girls – God, he hated that stupid name right now – knew the T about his feelings for Roy. Feelings that should be irrelevant, because Danny had a boyfriend now, but that certainly were about to get real relevant, real quickly.

Between Courtney’s well-intentioned blabber mouth, Justin’s inability to lie convincingly, and the notoriously gossipy Willam, there was no way this was going to stay under wraps. Especially not with booze around. Danny was convinced that within the next few hours Roy would know he was in love with him and the whole thing would really crumble. It wouldn’t matter that he’d finally figured out how to move on and just push down his feelings, or that he was making all the effort to be normal with Roy. Danny was only 2 shots of that sugary shitty whiskey in, but he could feel his head getting woozy from the combination of fear, alcohol, and embarrassment.

His reeling mind was interrupted by Shane, who threw an arm around him and squeezed tight. “Danny, babe. Don’t worry about it. Everything is fine. I’m sorry I said anything at all. Your relationship with Roy is your business, nothing to make light of or talk about – unless you want to. Do you want to?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely NOT.” Danny managed to spit out, the laying on a thick layer of resolution to mask the fact that he did want to talk about it. Desperately, in fact. Just not right now. “Besides, I have –“

“Jesus, Court. Of course he doesn’t want to talk about it..” Willam reached across the counter and swatted at the back of Shane’s head. He was not the one Danny expected would come to his rescue in this scenario, but life is full of surprises.

Willam continued. “Come on, if he really is all hung up on Hung-lock then why the fuck would he want to talk about it before we go to his party? And, if I’m not mistaken, Danny has a perfectly hot piece of ass to keep him happy anyway. Who needs to talk about an old crush when you’ve got a boyfriend to suck your dick at night, am I right?”

“Ok, well –“

“Ok, well nothing.” Willam cut Shane off before he could even get out a third word. “Let’s take these shots – Redbull for you, Betty Ford –” he gestured to Justin, “and get our asses to this party. We gotta make it there before Jackie leaves for the Early Bird special.”

Shane passed out the shots, while Willam walked behind him topping off the glasses until they nearly overflowed. Justin cracked open his energy drink and they all took deep swigs. Danny could feel the alcohol running through his system almost immediately – he’d barely eaten that day – and was happy that it was finally starting to have the desired calming effect rather than fueling his worries.

“Good work ladies, warm up your throats for the rest of the night.” Willam wasted no time. “Shane, is the Uber here yet?”

“Yup, he’s pulling up now. Grab the stuff we’re taking over there and meet me downstairs, this driver looks cute and I need five minutes to figure out if he’s gay.” Shane grabbed his keys and bolted out the door. His voice descended down the stairs as he called out, “Don’t forget to lock up behind us!”

“Hold up, I already called dibs on any Uber drivers. Do you not understand the concept of ‘Shotgun’ wherever you’re from?” Justin followed Shane, whining as they walked down the stairs.

“Those fuckers are just trying to get out of carrying this” – Willam gestured to the handles of alcohol they were bringing, and several bags of Roy’s stuff he’d left at all their individual apartments over the last 2 years – “down to the car.”

“Doubt it. Never underestimate the dick-pigging of Courtney Act.” Danny retorted.

“Whatever, as long as she wears protection or you drive her to the clinic. You take those, I’ve got the booze and the door.”

Danny picked up the bags and headed for the open door. But before he could cross the threshold, Willam stepped in and blocked it.

“Look, kid, I know we don’t know each other that well yet. But I swear I won’t say a word about this to Roy or anyone else. Swear on my Dolce, on my IMDb page, on Warner – I ain’t saying shit to nobody.” He cracked a smile, a surprisingly warm gesture based on what Danny knew of Willam so far..

“But, if you ever do want to talk about it with someone who will be real about it and not coddle you…that’s what Justin’s for. He’s the Miranda, I’m Samantha.” He stepped out of the doorway and let Danny through.

Danny walked out, calling over his shoulder, “That’s from like Gossip Girl or something, right?” He galloped carefully down the stairs, laughing while Willam ranted angrily behind him.

“I’ll fucking kill you, you Goddamn fetus!”

–

Danny guessed he had been at the party for 2 hours. Time had never been a strong point of his, so he couldn’t be sure, but based on how hard the new shots of (real) whiskey and series of (strong) tokes he’d taken from a few strangers when he first walked in, he figured it must be about 2 hours.

He’d seen Roy for thirty whole seconds in that entire span, just for a quick hug and cheek kiss when he walked through the door with the AAA girls. Roy made a lame joke about no one ever need a 4th A before flitting off to greet more guests.

No matter, Danny didn’t read anything into it. He couldn’t if he wanted to – see: the liquor and weed. He quickly found himself, Jack & Coke in hand, comfortably lounging in a laid out chair on Roy’s fairy light-littered patio. He was there shooting the shit with Detox, Raja, Justin, Sam (the Uber drive that Shane had talked into joining the party), and some guy named John who was clearly D’s trade for the evening. Willam and Shane were off singing karaoke and trying to pretend – not very well, in Danny’s opinion – that they weren’t fucking each other.

“Danny, babe, how’s the music coming?” Raja was packing a bowl so that he could properly smoke.

He closed his eyes and let out a little hum. “Right, I haven’t seen you in a few months have I? Um, it’s going really well. I like the direction these producers are letting me take it, I’m just finalizing some of the first few tracks now.” Raja had put him in his happy place, talking about his work.

“That’s great, brujita. You’re gonna make something really, really great. I know it.” Raja lit the pipe and took a drag, giving Detox a chance to chime in.

“So what’s your vibe on this one? Are you gonna keep up the party thing, or –“

Danny could talk about his music forever. “Nah, not really. I mean, I still want to keep some of that stuff in there, because I know people love it and I know I can do it, but this whole thing is about range for me.” He took the pipe from Raja for a quick hit before continuing.

“They’re letting me write pretty much everything, which is so fucking rad. I’ve got the upbeat tracks in production, and I’m writing some, like, real sexy stuff right now. What I need is something really dark, something kind of angsty. Like painful, grunge-y stuff – very that.” Danny paused for a beat, reflecting on his own writer’s block.

“But I’m having trouble getting that to come out as easy. It’s like I have this – “ Danny raised his hands around his head “ – brain block. I can’t get anything out that feels real. Like, real real. Not fake sad stuff.”

Another pause to shake his head, and run his fingers through his hair – one of his many nervous tells. “But I think I really need that, you know? Something that really chokes your soul. I want to make this some career defining, Nevermind type shit with this album.”

Satisfied he’s gotten his point across, Danny took the pipe back for a third hit in as many minutes. He let his words settle across the group until he heard it.

“Um, what’s Nevermind?” It was that twinky little John kid, looking around the group for any kind of clue as to what Danny was talking about. Raja and Sam laughed, Detox looked mortified, and Danny was ready to pounce. How the fuck could a grown adult not know about Nirvana?

Justin jumped in before Danny could launch into a tirade on Kurt Cobain. “Uh, D, I think you should take the zygote home before Danny goes full Courtney Love or lectures us on the significance of flannel.”

Detox hopped up and grabbed John by the hand, escorting him away from the circle before Danny could formulate his thoughts into a coherent history lesson.

“Anyway…” Sober Justin had a knack for steering conversations for his less than sober friends. “You shouldn’t push yourself to write anything you don’t feel. Just let it flow.” He reached over and squeezed Danny’s hand. 

“I mean, it must be hard to to write something sad when your life is going so great, right?!” For the first time since they’d gotten out of the car, Danny heard Sam speak.

On their drive over, he’d made it very clear that he was a huge Drag Race fan – huge enough not to charge them – and spent the 30 traffic-heavy, car-bound minutes talking about how much he loved each of them and his theories on the show. It was a combination of the free ride, full-out nerd-fest – bordering somewhere between endearing and terrifying – and the fact that you could see his abs through his t-shirt and the cardigan on top of it that made Justin invite him to join the party. The guy had just been following him around all night, staring in awe at him – the Alaska effect, Danny called it. He had honestly forgotten that Sam could even speak.

“What are you talking about? You don’t know me like that.” Danny was confused, and his confusion often manifested itself as defensive. 

“I – um,” Sam was visibly a little bit shooketh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was…I just mean, it must be hard to write something sad when you’re on top of the world! Like, your last album did so well, you have all these fans…” The poor kid was clearly freaking out, and he just kept getting more animated in his adoration for Adore as he went on.

“Your music videos are sickening, and like everyone around the world wants you to come play in these huge cities, and you’re working on a new album…and on top of that, you have an incredibly hot boyfriend! Like, seriously, you have the best life ever.”

Oh right, my boyfriend. Danny hadn’t thought about Joshua all night, maybe even all day. Certainly not since the earlier conversation about Roy.

Truth be told, Joshua was a boyfriend that basically fell into Danny’s lap at the right place and time…

*Flashback – early April  2015.  It was a couple of weeks after the tour ended, when he was still trying every possible thing to get his mind off what happened with both his family and with Roy. A tall, handsome, dark-skinned stranger approached Danny in a Starbucks. He was shocked at first, surprised that someone would have the balls to hit on a stranger in broad daylight in the world of Grindr and DMs…until Joshua explained that he was looking for the laptop charger he’d left plugged in at the table Danny was now occupying. He collected his belongings and left. Danny looked on in total mortification, until Joshua turned around seconds later to properly introduce himself and ask for his number.

Joshua was a PhD candidate, working on his Doctorate in Social Work, who spent a lot of time writing his thesis in that Starbucks. He and Danny both loved video games, the old Batman movies, and tattoo artistry. Their first official date rolled from meeting back at the Starbucks, to roaming The Last Bookstore, to dinner at In-N-Out, to sneaking into the Cinespia showing of Heathers. It ended with a passionate make-out in front of Danny’s apartment, and by their third date they were fucking in between viewings of cult classics and class or the studio.

*Present/Back at Roy’s party. From that first meeting, it was all downhill. It helped that Joshua was buried in his own work the same way Danny as buried in his. He never made Danny feel guilty for long days of recording or late night gigs, because at the same time he was in TA-ing or volunteering or working on his research. The complementary schedules and the complementary interests made it all so…easy.

But easy was getting boring, at least to Danny. They were both so busy that they were seeing each other less and less, and when they did it was just old habits and repeated conversations that didn’t require much effort. In the last few weeks he realized how much he cared for Joshua, but also that he needed more. More spark, more touch, more affection, more fire. He figured Joshua must feel the same way, but be too shy to bring it up. And so Danny had made a concerted effort to get what he wanted.

This week, Joshua was in Mexico with his PhD friends, shoulders deep in frozen margaritas and tanning oil to celebrate end of semester. Before he left, Danny had talked to him about taking their own vacation sometime soon; he hoped that could bring some of the more he was looking for. Joshua hadn’t said much about it, but promised they’d talk about it when he got back. To keep himself excited, Danny was sending him photos and lists of places they could go.  

All this to keep the spark alive, and to show Joshua he was taking their relationship seriously. To prove he could have a real relationship without any real resolution to his feelings for Roy. To prove he could just put his crush on Roy behind him and get behind a tall, muscular, sweet guy like Joshua instead…

“How do you know Danny’s boyfriend is hot?” Raja’s half laughing, half startled voice brought Danny’s mind floating back into the conversation. “Or that he has a boyfriend at all?”

“Twitter, Instagram, all that shit.” Sam responded as if it was so obvious. “That hot guy has been in the background of all his posts and Snapchat stories for, like, months. He’s your boyfriend, right Danny?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean, he’s my – yeah, he’s my boyfriend. Was it really that obvious?” Danny didn’t realize he’d made Joshua such a thing on his social media.

“Well, yeah, I mean at least for people like me who are on watch.”

“Watch for what?” Justin piped in.

“All Stars 2, duh.” Justin froze for half a second, pausing mid-sip of his Redbull so quickly that it was imperceptible. “We all know it’s gonna happen, and sometime soon, so we’re watching out to see if any of you guys go dark because you’re off shooting it.”

“And who exactly is is this ‘we’?” Justin asked, looking a little concerned. “Is there some cult of Drag Race out there trying to – “

He was interrupted by a foghorn of a voice – a voice that still shot fireflies through Danny’s body.

“Who cares. It doesn’t matter, they’re barking up the wrong tree if they think any of you losers are gonna get an All Stars call.” With that, Roy plopped down into the seat next to Danny. “No one would watch that fucking show. I mean, I love them, but we all know just how charitable I – “

“Oh my God, it’s been like a year! Can you please get a new joke?!” The words spilled out of Danny’s mouth before he could stop them. He only hoped it came out funnier than the snide, cutting way he’d meant it.

Danny couldn’t see it, but Roy flinched. Roy could always tell when he was serious. But all Danny heard was his half-joking Bianca response.

“Well I’d ask you guys to write some for me, but for that you’d have to be literate.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Danny rolled his eyes and smiled. “Seriously, get some new material. That shit doesn’t age well, and I don’t just mean yo’ face.” As he teased Roy, Danny relaxed into the small but conscientious space left between them. He settled into his favorite position: leaning into Roy’s left side, head lightly nestled on the crook of his neck, right hand resting just above his left knee. It was a position that calmed him, cleared his mind and made everything ok. Danny had half-sat / half-snuggled that way at least a thousand times on the show and on tour, it was so ingrained in his muscle memory that it he’d done it without noticing.

What he also didn’t notice, all of which happened in the blink of an eye: The hitch and then slowing of Roy’s breath. Justin looking at them with a smile. Raja’s cocked eyebrow. And Sam expression of confusion and glee.

Sam’s voice brought Danny back to reality. “Are you kidding? Everyone would die to see Alaska and Adore back on Drag Race.”

Luckily, he didn’t have to stay there long. “Adore DeLaska would crush All Stars 2, no question. The dream team.”

With the mention of teams and All Stars, Sam had managed to fully redirect the conversation. Justin, Roy, Raja and Sam started debating the merits of the team systems in the first All Stars, quickly devolving into loud argument about why Manila, Latrice or Nina Flowers were robbed. The volume drew people over to join them – Willam and Shane after a quick make-out, Detox after sending his boy home, and some other friends – enough that Danny didn’t have to participate. Instead he could stay silently snuggled up, letting the smoke and whiskey swirl, looking up at the fairy lights, and feeling the buzz of Roy’s chest every time he spoke or laughed.

This was their normal, how their friendship had been before Danny fucked it up. It was exactly what he’d hoped for.

–

Time passed. Again, Danny couldn’t tell exactly how much, but gun-to-his-head he would guess another hour. He was getting so sleepy, eyelids so heavy he couldn’t stop them from drooping. It was too comfortable nestled in Roy to move or try to stay awake.

But his vibrating ass slowly drew him out of the twilight. Really it was the vibrating phone in his back pocket, but in that moment it just felt like his butt cheeks were dancing.  

What really pulled him out of the daze was Roy’s hand – the hand that seconds before had been gently thumbing circles on his forearm – gripping his bicep to shake him awake. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty. You awake? Your ass is ringing.”

Danny didn’t want to answer. Whoever it was, they should know better to call him at 1:30am on a Saturday night. “Ugh, just leave it. Who the fuck is calling me right now, anyway?”

“I bet it’s your boyfriend!” Sam, again.

“Your what?!” This time it was Roy who sounded angry, hoping it would come off as funny. Danny missed it entirely – all he heard was boyfriend.

“My wha – Oh. Oh! Joshua.” Danny was awake now. Joshua hadn’t actually called him all week – just one word responses to all Danny’s texts – and he didn’t want to miss his first call in four days. He hopped off the oversized chair with surprising agility and sped off, missing the upset and baffled look on Roy’s face. He walked straight through the apartment and out the front door, the only quiet place he could think of. He banked on the door not locking behind him.

Alone and able to focus on his phone, Danny checked the call log. 3 missed calls from Joshua, and a couple of texts.

The first, before he called.

Joshua: Hi. Can you talk?

The second, after two missed calls.

Joshua: Danny, call me.

A third, just a few minutes before the last ring.

Joshua: Where are you? I need to talk to you.

Danny panicked. Something was wrong. Joshua was stranded or kidnapped or sick – it just wasn’t right. He immediately called back, but after a few rings there was no answer. He dialed again. And again. And a fourth time.

After four calls, he resorted to his own texts.

Danny: Babe, I’m soo o so sorty!

His own mistake-laden drunk texts. They flowed in a fast wave.

Danny: At Roys party. Couldn’t here phone. Vibezrate.

Danny: Whats happening? R u ok?

Danny: Are u safe? I cn sent help or send $#$$ just come get u yself.

Danny: Tell me ur ok!?!

Immediately there were bubbles. He’s alive. He can type. Danny allowed the thoughts of relief to calm him slightly.

Joshua: Yeah, I’m fine. You’re at a party?

Danny: Kinda. Roy’s. House warm thing.

Joshua: Ok, let’s talk about this later then. Have fun tonight.

Danny: Nooeeooz! Call me! I miss u!

Danny dialed him again, but there was no answer.

Joshua: Seriously Danny, let’s just talk tomorrow.

Danny wasn’t taking no for an answer. He called again – no answer. And again – straight to voicemail, it didn’t even ring.

Danny: Pick up! Pick up pick up!

No bubbles, no response.

Danny: Com on JOhua, I mss u! Want to talk to u.

Danny: Want to show off my boyfriend

Danny: Thy saw u on my Snaps nd stuff they know you’r cute, I wanna show you off!

And then, suddenly, there were bubbles. Long bubbles. Three actual minutes of bubbles, but to Danny it felt like hours. Why the text message took so long to send became immediately clear.

Joshua: Danny, I - Maybe this is just easier to say now. I can’t do this anymore. When we started this, I told you I was looking for something casual and easy. There’s too much going on in my life with school and work and my little brother moving out here… I thought you understood that. But obviously not, you’re talking about taking trips together and calling me your boyfriend – we never even talked about that! Christ, I’m on your social media and you’re telling strangers before we even talk about it. My friends  just showed me all the posts, I feel like I just got fucking ambushed. I just can’t handle this right now. I think you’re so great, but I can’t be anybody’s boyfriend right now and I can’t make a commitment to  you.

Before Danny could finish reading the paragraph, two more texts came through.

Joshua: You should have someone who loves you the way you want them to.

Joshua: But that won’t be me.

Danny was actually dumbstruck. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t blink, he didn’t even know how he was breathing. The only think he was consciously doing was replaying the words “But that won’t be me” over and over and over on a CNN crawl.

After a few brief moments of paralysis, Danny tried to call Joshua. He was convinced he could talk his way out of this.

No answer on the first try. He was psyching himself up to call again, reassuring himself that he could get Joshua back – when he realized he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Think this through, he forced himself to pause. Was he, Daniel Noriega, really going to beg for a man who didn’t want him? Joshua was right, really. He deserved someone who loved him the way he wanted to be loved. And anyway, hadn’t he spent the last few weeks worrying about getting the spark back? Maybe there was no spark to begin with. Maybe easy – what Joshua wanted, and what Danny found boring – was all they were.

Easy was never going to be enough for Danny. Ever since he was 5 years old and saw that ridiculous Olsen twins’ movie It Takes Two, he always knew he was going to need that “can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love.” Joshua had probably just saved him from doing what he always did: trying to make more out of relationships than was actually there.

Really, this is a good thing. Danny thought to himself. His brain knew it, but is heart still heart. He felt the lingering sensation of the wind being knocked out of him, and his eyes seemed to be watering of their own volition. No matter how ‘good’ this was, it didn’t dull the pain of raw, total rejection. Memorialized forever in a text message, no less.

After a taking a few minutes to process, Danny knew then that it was time to start moving. Just like after Florida, he went in search of something to distract from the growing (emotional) wound in his chest. He called this ‘shark mode’ – swim or die.

He made a beeline for the group he’d left just 15 or 20 minutes before, hoping to snatch Roy away from the conversation. Danny could use him as a diversion – seize the moment to properly catch up with his best friend and talk until he went numb or he went home, which ever came first.

But Roy was nowhere to be found – not in the chair he’d left him in, not anywhere else on the patio.

“D – “ Danny slid up alongside Detox, who reached an arm around his shoulders and hugged him immediately.

“Hey baby girl, you ok? Your eyes look a little…” Detox pulled an unpleasant face, but still managed to look concerned for his friend.  

Danny could guess why. He knew his emotions had gotten the better of him and that he’d cried just a little, probably making the little bit of eyeliner he had on run, but he didn’t really care.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m fine.” Danny flashed a half-fake smile. “Do you know where Roy went?”

“Yeah, he walked away right after you got up. Looked like he was going inside. Listen, you sure you’re ok?” Clearly Danny hadn’t been very convincing.

“Yeah, yeah. Totally fine. I’ll just – where did he go?”

Then, a voice from the chair below them. It was Shane. “I think I saw him go into the kitchen, babe. What’cha need?”

“I need to – I need – where’s the kitchen?”

“Inside the apartment, first door on the left.” Shane pointed vaguely towards the patio doors.

“Thanks, I’ll be right back.” Danny took off for the door. He was of singular mind: Find Roy. Talk to Roy. Roy will make this better.

When Danny found the kitchen, he was stopped dead in his tracks by an image that would burn in his brain for months – far longer than any text from Joshua.

There was a handsome blonde man standing next to Roy at the double kitchen sink, laughing very close to each others’ faces. The water was running, both tubs were filling with bubbles, and they appeared to be washing some of the dishes from the party. Danny had seen the other guy around – the friend in the background of WeHo girls’ photos, that’s how he recognized him – and guessed he was somewhere in his mid-30s. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt that highlighted his tan, and from his laughing smile Danny could see that he had equally bright white teeth.

And then, as Danny hovered at the door before interrupting, it happened: Handsome Blonde Man dropped the sponge he was holding and grabbed Roy’s face instead, pulling him in from laugh to kiss. Danny was sure that Roy was going to swat him away – that he’d be grossed out by the soapy water, or shocked that this guy had so suddenly made a move – but he didn’t. Roy threw the dishtowel on the ground, grabbed Handsome Blonde Man by the waist, and backed him against the counters behind them. He deepened the kiss as he did so, taking it from surprise peck to full on make-out. Hands started to wander, Danny saw Roy’s hand go into HBM’s hair as HBM’s hand inched towards the hem of Roy’s shirt –

It was too much. Danny slammed his eyes shut, whipped silently back into the hallway, and took very quiet steps away from the kitchen until he was sure he would be out of ear shot. He ended up in Roy’s sewing room, which was thankfully had no windows to the patio, crouching by a dress form.

And then he cried.

Not silent little tears. Not pretty fat mascara drops. Ugly, wheezing, shaking, as much dry heaving as anything else – real crying. He was desperately using his hands to muffle whatever sound he could, barely snorting in enough air to blow it back out in sobs.

Breathe. You have to breathe. Danny was trying to coach himself out of this.

In for 2, out for 2. In for 2, out for 2. Counting wasn’t helping.

You can’t let them hear you. You can’t let him hear you. Fear wasn’t helping either.

Why are you even crying anyway? Is this about Joshua? Or is it because… Danny knew he needed to stop his train of thought quickly.

Luckily, a wild Willam appeared.

“Danny what the fuck is that noise, did you already find somebody to fu—Oh shit.” Willam squatted down alongside Danny and threw his arms around him. “Hey kid, what’s going on? Breathe, breathe, breathe.” He started rocking Danny back and forth, trying to calm him down.

 Knowing he’d have to explain eventually, Danny decided to just start lying now. Through sobs at every pause, he was able to spit out half the truth: “I – I just got – text – Ro – I mean, Joshua – Josh - Joshua just broke up with me – on – a fucking – text message.”

“Ah fuck that little shit. Fuck him in his stupid face. Where he at in Mexico? I’ll go down there and kill him.”

He appreciated the protectiveness of his new-ish friend. Again, he spoke between sobs. “No – it’s – it’s ok. – Don’t – Just leave it.” Danny was starting to calm down, and was able to string together full sentences without yelping. “It’s not his fault. He did the right thing.” He wiped away some of his tears.

“Ok, so if that’s true then why are you over here crying like Mufasa just died?”

Danny knew he would just have to ramble his way out of this one. Talking endlessly usually got him out of most sticky situations. “Umm –“ But he was drawing a blank.  

“I’m guessing it has less to do with that boyfriend and more to do with your other one. The one who’s in the kitchen right now about to get his dick sucked by a good-looking blonde dude?”

With that, the floodgates opened back up. Danny was back in the throws of tears, shaking and gasping as he curled into a ball.

“Oh, sweetie.” Willam dropped his coated exterior for just a moment. “Shh, shh. It’s ok, let’s get you outta here. Wipe your face, I’ll call you an Uber. Do you want me to go with you? I can get Shane or Jus –“

“No.” Danny wasn’t going to let anyone else into this. “No – I’m – I’ll be – I’ll be fine. Uber is good. I can go al – I can go alone. Just, p – please don’t tell them why I left?” He hoped Willam could keep his mouth shut again.

“You got it boo.” He was already fiddling with his Uber app. “But I gotta tell ‘em something. Can I use the actual boyfriend thing as cover?”

Danny couldn’t tell if he was joking, but he figured everyone would have to find out anyway. Might as well let someone else tell it for him. “Sure, f – fine. Just not –“

“Don’t worry, secret’s safe with me. Now let’s get you up and outta here before you cry on one of these dresses and Haylock comes to murder-suicide you, Shakespeare-style.”

Danny half laughed, half sobbed. Star-crossed lovers was starting to sound about right. Willam helped him up and out the door, fast enough that no one could’ve seen. Danny was grateful for that.

He was still crying when he got into the Uber, but now the wild sobbing had subsided and he was able to reasonably mask the tears from the driver. Letting them flow in silence, he texted Willam.

Danny: Can’t say thank you enough for getting me out of there and covering for me. Muchisimas gracias

Willam: Bitch, I don’t speak Spanish – the fuck you say? Anyway, anytime. Had to take care of my best girl’s best girl.

Danny: Ha, right. Shane’s lucky, glad you know we know.

Willam: We’re not fooling anyone. But I am, right now – story’s already spreading that you went home because of your dipshit boyfriend who broke up with you over a stupid text message. Reasons include: he’s actually straight, he’s ashamed of his small dick, he couldn’t handle you, he’s dying in 6 weeks…

Danny: THANK YOU.

In the midst of their conversation, texts started flowing through from friends at the party.

Shane: DANNY! DANNY! ADORM. I’m so sorry, love. Willam just told us what happened. Are you ok? Call me in the morning xx

Detox: Babe, just heard from Justin. I’ll castrate that Joshua dude in his sleep. Where is he staying in Mexico? Send me his Twitter handle.

Justin: Willam told us about the text. Get some rest. We’ll come by in the morning. Love you, Adore Cilantro.

Raja: Casting spells on that motherfucker tonight, his dick is gonna be real small now.

They kept rolling in – from friends at the party, friends of friends at the party, even his cousin. He had to beg Johnny not to say anything to his mom before he could call her in the morning.

By 4am everything quieted down. But one text never came, the one he kept hoping he would see: one from Roy. That didn’t come through until noon the next day.

Roy: Baby girl, I just heard what happened last night. Sorry, I had to turn in early last night and I missed all the action. Call me if you want to talk about it. Love you.

It was late, and it was a lie. And it made Danny cry all over again.

Danny: No worries, B. Fucking idiot wasn’t worth my time anyway.

–

A week later, Handsome Blonde Man started making regular appearances in Roy’s social media posts.

3 days after that, Danny got the call to do All Stars 2. Roy was the first person he told – via text.

2 days before he left, another package showed up on Danny’s doorstep. Red paper, giant bow. Inside was a black dress – long sleeves, sequins, above the knee. Pinned to it was a note:

Something as beautiful as you are talented. Go kick some ass, pussyfart! We’re rooting for you. Love you xx

Underneath the note was a photo of Roy and HBM, wearing Adore Delano t-shirts.

And it made Danny cry all over again.

—