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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 3 years

Note

How about a coffee shop au where the reader gets Cal's order wrong and gives him a matcha latte when he ordered a regular hot coffee with his breakfast sandwich and you can go off form that :)

Taking limited requests. 3 slots left.

Gender Neutral Reader.

___________________

The morning shift--Calum had been told about how chaotic this shift could be. During his closing shift training, it was all they really talked about. How glad they were that they didn't have the opening shift. And of course, closing shift took a lot of heat because maybe not everything got done like it was supposed to. And sometimes even if they did do everything right, one particular manager was a known hard ass and nothing really seemed to appeased them.

And though Calum woke up at the ass crack of dawn, not even the sun hitting the horizons just yet, the start didn't seem so bad. But the second the clock hit six it was as if the dam broke. Being two weeks into the job, he felt like he had a pretty good handle on everything. Though the thing that still made his hands shake was fucking up someone's order.

"Matcha latte with a toasted egg and cheese bagel," he calls out, setting the two out together. Another drink is done and he caps it. "And a regular black coffee."

He doesn't even pay attention to who comes up--vaguely responds to the thanks with a quick 'you're welcome' and goes back to the blender for the next drink on the line.

The frother is a distinct buzz in his ears as Sydney, one of his trainers and now slowly becoming a work best friend, works next to him. But even with that noise, the soft "Excuse me" catches his ear. Calum glances up, grabbing the towel from his apron to clean his hands.

"What can I help you with?"

The smile is still bright in front of him. "I think my drink order got mixed up. I ordered a regular coffee with vanilla syrup. But this is a, uh, green," you laugh.

His heart thunders in his chest. Fuck, he knew he should've double checked that ticket like he was taught. He just assumed. "Oh I'm so sorry about that! Let me fix it. You said regular coffee with vanilla syrup right?"

You nod at the man, his brown eyes blown wide. He apologizes again and before you can tell him not to worry about it--that it happens sometimes, he's spinning on his heels. You watch him, towering over most of the other people behind the counter. His hair tucked up underneath the black dad hat and the gray t-shirt he's wearing hanging loose around his torso but tight over his shoulders.

You've never seen him before--not in the mornings at least. Not that you're a regular, but you do come in consistently. "Hey," Sydney smiles at you, shouting out another order for the customers waiting. "Everything alright?" And maybe you were a regular.

You nod. "Yeah, just a small mix up."

"Shucks, sorry about that. Is someone on it?"

"Yeah, um," you look behind her to the man with a cup of coffee that looks more like your usual. "He's on it," you say, looking back to Sydney."

"Calum--he's new," she says, leaning against the counter for a moment and just in that moment, Calum returns with your correct drink, setting it onto the counter for you.

"Sorry about that again!" he states again.

You shake your head at him. "It's really not a problem. Things happen. We're human and all."

"Oh, ain't you just the sweetest," Sydney teases before walking around Calum to go back to the machines. "Just don't be too sweet on him."

You laugh at her comment, taking hold of the cup in front of you. Something brushes along your fingers and when you look, Calum's holding out a straw for you too. "Thanks. Don't let Sydney be too hard on you."

"Oh--I can handle her," Calum laughs, knowing the glare that's landing him right now from Sydney. "But really, I am sorry about getting that drink mixed up."

You look up to him, noticing the bags that have just started to form and can see he means it. "Calum, it's not the end of the world. And even if it was, at least you were nice."

"God, I really hope it wasn't the end of the world." He's not phased at the sound of his name from your lips. He knows the name tag is pinned to the outside of his apron. But he likes the way it sounds when you curl your tongue around the 'L' in his name.

And the two of you linger in a deep gaze, only for a moment before he hears down the line the shout of needing more clean blenders. "I," he starts, throwing his thumb over his shoulders, "I should probably get back to work."

You nod, "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you around, Calum?"

You say it like it's a question, like you're hoping he says yes. "I'll be here for the foreseeable future," and he pauses, not having caught your name.

You give your name and he tries it over his own lips, then grins when you grin. "Well, good luck with the rest of today," you offer and then take a half step from the counter. Calum does the same, but retreating further into the eye of the storm.

He watches you though, pushing on the side door and then out into the finally morning sunrise. He's grateful for a moment that he works mornings this week straight, clinging to the smallest hope that you step back through the doors again.

Tuesday you don't show, having to leave Monday in the day to out a few towns for a conferences. When Wednesday comes around and the morning's pushing afternoon, Calum's hope wanes, but doesn't completely fade. People live busy lives. He can't fault that. But he just hopes he's not being a fool to watch every person that comes through the door, or even passes by the windows.

And just an hour before shift change, as the day's quieted, Calum's mind fills with the rest of things he needs to do. He has to go to the pharmacy to pick up some toiletries and then try to get home to get a couple readings done before his evening classes.

"Hi, Calum."

He pauses his work on the table he's wiping down to spin around. And there you are, a backpack slug over one shoulder and giving him a small wave. "Hi," he returns, feeling a small flutter in his gut. "Whata-what's on the menu today?" he asks, moving to go back behind the register.

You try to stop him, noticing only a few people in the place sitting with their laptops or books around them. "Oh, no, I-I'm not here to get anything really."

His brows furrow as he spins back around, leaning now up against the part of the counter that finished drinks are served. "Not here to get anything?"

You shake your head. "Well, not right now. I'm on my lunch and came by hoping to catch you, really?"

"Me?" he questions, trying to keep the silly grinning to a minimum.

"Yeah," you nod, and then drop your gaze to the floor. His black Nike's fill up your vision for a moment as you exhale and then look back up to his face.

His cheeks fuller than you remember them being, but maybe it's just because now you're really getting a good look at them. "Well, here I am," he teases with a tuft of laughter.

"So like, I really don't want to ask this while you're working because that just feels awkward. And you totally don't have to answer my next question either. I just wanted to let you know I get it, if you're comfortable with it." And he just watches you rambles, part of it because he likes the way you fiddle with your fingers and use your hands as you talk. Part of it because he's too frozen by fear to respond in any capacity.

So on you continue, "I wanted to know when you got off--so that I could ask you what I really wanted to ask you not when you're working. Because like, that just feels presumptuous and also you're doing service so I don't want to make you feel like you can't say no without it affecting your job. So like, would I be able to talk to you? Once your shift is done?"

"I'm off in about an hour. But if you're on your own lunch break I don't want to impede your work either," he returns.

"I-I can work remotely. I was at our shared office space downtown. But like as long as I have WiFi and my computer I can do my work anywhere."

"As long as you're sure and don't mind having to wait? But also you should probably actually eat on your lunch break?"

You tap the side of your backpack and only now does he see a small lunch box attached. "I packed it assuming I'd eat at the office. But then I realized due to my travel this week, I hadn't been by and I definitely want to drop by."

And it's the way you say definitely, like you're dreaming while looking at him, or breathless. And maybe you are giving the whole spiel you've just given. The doors open again and Calum glances over, to greet the new person, but glances back down to you. And fuck, your eyes are just too pretty not to get lost in. "Well, enjoy your lunch and our free WiFi and when I'm done, we can talk, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure," you rush out, grinning and then watch him shuffle back to the registers. You turn, capturing your bottom lip between your teeth. And holy fuck, it feels like you're in middle school all over again dealing with your first crush. But there you didn't make any moves, especially not as outlandish as this one.

But you just need it to work out--that's all. Finding a table, you settle down, back facing the window, but able to see Calum at the register if you look up from your computer screen. He smiles whenever you catch his eye. The drink doesn't seem to take him long to make and before you know it, he's back out from the register, making rounds to wipe at tables and make sure no one else needs anything before heading back to you.

And he talks as he works, wiping more tables, putting chairs back where they belong. You find out he's in school, working as he takes night classes for his master's in Literature. He finds out you're working remotely for an agency, and though it's marketing, or that's what he gather he still doesn't quite understand it. But it makes you happy and he loves it when you laugh about your coworkers.

And the hour's flown by when the shift switches, Calum disappears to the back for a few minutes and you start the process of shutting down your laptop. But he's back before you get everything tucked away and he slides into the seat across from you with ease and a bit of a sigh of relief.

"You don't have to pack up unless you want too," he says.

And you pause, your laptop in its sleeve. "You really want to hang around your job after hours."

"It's not so bad. It's just the standing that's killer." You nod, understanding the struggle. "So," he starts. "What was this thing that-that you wanted to ask?"

And you can tell he's nervous, his gaze on the table and not on you. And it shouldn't be so goddamn endearing but it is. "I-I wanted to see if you wanted to go out sometime. With me?"

His head shoots up, his infectious grin lighting up his own face, even causing the skin around his eyes to crinkle. "I'd love too. I'm off next Thursday--if that works."

Thursday is nothing special, well you have your monthly town hall meeting that's just about the growth of the company, but you could take a half day and then make up the hours next week. "Thursday is good. Should we do lunch since you have classes?"

"Yeah, if you're okay with that. I heard about this new place, it's mostly breakfast but they stay open for lunch."

"Anya's?" you question and Calum nods. "Some coworkers say it's good. But I-I haven't gone yet."

"So there then?" he asks.

"Yeah--is it okay if we do it a little early. 11:30?"

His heart is a thunderous roar in his chest and he's really glad today he work a darker colored t-shirt because his pits are dripping right now. "Yeah, that's fine with me," Calum answers.

The two of you exchange numbers and he helps you carry your bag to the car. You insist he doesn't have too, but he does it anyway and up against the side of your car, you're kind of glad you took the leap of faith. The hat comes off and you can see fully now the mass curls on his head.

"Thanks," Calum starts. "For waiting to ask. I would've said yes, like literally either way. But I appreciate it."

"Yeah, no. I worked retail before this. It's hell with people hitting on you while you're on the clock. Don't even worry about it."

The sun is higher now, getting into your eyes just a little until Calum shifts and blocks most of it. "So I'll see you Thursday, for sure, at 11:30. Anya's."

"11:30 next Thursday at Anya's for sure. But I may also need a matcha latte before then," you tease.

"Oh, c'mon," he laughs. "It's barely been three weeks. And I apologized."

"I'm only teasing, Calum," you giggle.

He takes a small step backwards--he parked in the second row as to give customers the spots up front. "I'll have that matcha waiting on you next time then."

"I'd expect nothing less." And the two of you give one last wave before he spins completely around his apron thrown across his shoulder and he pauses for cars before crossing the parking lot. And you know you shouldn't thank the heavens you asked for a lunch date at the sight of his ass in jeans, but you do.

Inside your car, you laugh at your own giddiness. It's only one date. And who the hell knows how it's going to end--but for fuck sake, you did it. The phone rings through the bluetooth of your car as you dial your best friend to tell them the good news.

And unbeknownst to you, Calum sits in his car too, smiling to himself as he texts his housemates about scoring a date with you. And the entire thread rattles his phone from the coffee holder.

#calum hood #calum hood fluff #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood 5sos #5sos #h writes #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5sos fluff #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer imagine #calum hood x reader insert

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theeyesinthenight · 4 years

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College Tips for Neurodivergence and Chronic Illness

Hey Everyone!I just wanted to talk for a minute about the stuff that I do to make college slightly easier to get through, and ask around for if anyone else has any advice.

Physically going to class:

1. Physical Calmness: Make a small physical maintenance travel bag that you carry with you EVERYWHERE. Include things like moisturizer, chapstick, cough drops/sucking candy, nail clippers, hair ties, eye drops, pain relief meds, sunglasses- anything that you frequently need to maintain you and your body’s ability to be calm. Sensory overload frequently becomes a thing on campus, and frequently overstimming on campus can make it really hard to want to go to class every day. I carry 6 ponytails, 2 chapstick, 4 advil, 4 sucking candies, 2 tampons, emergency ear plugs and earphones, gloves, moisturizer and sunglasses every day and I swear they make the difference between wanting to run crying out of my classroom and being able to hold on some days.

2. Make Checklists: Especially if you deal with executive function issues (like me!) you can build checklists for every day, repetitive tasks as well as normal to-dos to help you manage everything at once without forgetting anything. Don’t feel obliged to make the list pretty or perfect, just keep adding and refining the lists as you notice stuff you’ve forgotten or usually do. Write lists for literally everything. There is no shame to writing everything down. That being said, if you end up scheduling your days, always leave yourself an hour or two a day and like 10-15 minutes before crucial junctures so you aren’t stressed about running late and can actually unwind sometimes.

3. Eat: Some people will have meal plans, some will cook at home and bring stuff to school, but it’s absolutely fucking critical to chemical homeostasis (especially if you do what I do and wind up in class from like 10 am to 7 pm) to plan when and what you’ll eat- either by scheduling adequate meal breaks to go buy it, or packing it ahead of time. This is when lists can help: I remember to pack my lunch and snacks every morning or prep food for consumption when I get home only because I leave it on sticky notes on my phone when I go to sleep. Just drinking coffee nearly made me have an anxiety related melt down my freshman year before I realized that the constant feelings of a racing heart were only partially because of anxiety and were also because of the sheer amount of caffeine in my system. Eating healthy is also important, and will make you feel even better than just eating, but now is not the time to put yourself on a starvation diet just to lose 10 lbs. Eating high protein has helped some of my snacky issues as well as generally gives me more energy, and making my own mealprep at home- even my own muffins and cookies- generally are more healthy for my than what I get in the store. Fruit, cheese, lunch meat (or sliced cooked meat) and pickles or olives in endless combination work great for me as mindless snacky food, as does homemade popcorn (either in a skillet or costco bags) because it’s dirt cheap and you can put anything from seasoning salt to furikake and shredded dried pork on it. If you need help figuring out recipes, feel free to pm me! I’m good at working with nutritional and budgetary restraints. Pancakes are kind of a universal good.

4. Give yourself permission to leave: If you’re triggered, or seconds away from panic, GET UP AND LEAVE. College classes are not the same as high school classes, and most teachers are perfectly fine with you getting up to get water, or go to the bathroom, or cry in the bathroom. Try to make sure you go back to class most of the time, but if you’re really that stressed, also give yourself permission to leave.

5. Find a backup note system: There will be days that you cannot go to class. Accept this. Therefore, it is critical to find a way to make sure you always get the notes. Some colleges offer note taking assistance, some allow you to audio record lectures (check 1 and 2 party consent states first), and some leave you to your own devices, in which case, make a casual buddy to get notes from. You do not need to be besties with this person, Try to make sure you know how many days you actually have to go, and minimize grade damage when you can’t.

6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough; whether or not you’re taking medication, getting enough sleep is critical to pretty much everything that might be going on in your head- hormone issues, depression, autism, whatever. Your brain is going to be stressed out by the new environment and the additional, new problem solving that it has to do; help it make its best decisions. I literally wake up on less than 7 hours of sleep and consider selling my siblings on the black market. Don’t do it.

7. Be careful about Caffeine; Some people are more or less sensitive to caffeine, or forms of caffeine, don’t develop a coffee addiction just because it’s in vogue. Matcha seems to have the most stabilizing caffeine affect on my brain of all the caffeine options, though tea still works universally better than coffee. I also make my own “lattes” and cold brew at the beginning of the week and keep them in my fridge; a 2oz jar of matcha powder may cost like 60$ but it will make me about 90 cups of tea and last me two semesters especially if I mix in other kinds of cheaper teas in my morning; it’s certainly cheaper than starbucks- cups of latte come out to 95c and have about a third of the calories (which means I can drink more of them!) Which ties into;

8. Budgetting. You might be stressed out about money or make tons of tables and charts to try to deal with that stress; there are a lot of ways to cope with it, but my favorite method (and I still use a combination of these) for dealing with food and consumable stuff you need regularly like shampoo and soap or socks are: separate that money from everything else that you need to buy, then at the beginning of a semester

Go to Costco, a particular kind of “exotic” grocery store, or a farmers market. Buy and then freeze meat, vegetables, and fruit (if you use them in baked goods or in yogurt) or get prefrozen meat- make sure you’re checking the price/lb or K for the cheapest, and bags of either rice, flour, boxes of pasta (cheap carbs) and oil- i recommend having canola, it’s utilitarian for frying with a high flash point. If your budget isn’t tiny, this is a great time to also get dried (or canned but I don’t like the texture) beans, and canned meat or sauce if you actually eat it. The key is to get cheap bulk things that will last for a semester or five, and that are always on hand.

Take the rest of your food budget out in cash. Separate it into bundles for “each week”, put them in your wallet, and return the change to the jar when you’re done. It was always easier for me to visualize how much spending money for food that I had when I physically had the cash; it meant I didn’t overspend and it also meant that I started making better “investment” decisions; I’d buy cinnamon sticks one week, or good olive oil the next, instead of dropping a couple hundred dollars on ingredients I might have never used.

Do a similar bulk buy of products you know you use, and then leave the rest of that money- also in cash!- in a separate jar with a stickynote on top. When you have to use money for stuff from it, just stuff the receipt in the jar with the cash and do your accounting When You Have Brainspace.

I deal with other bigger accounting stuff over cards, but I try to limit one card to rent, insurance, school payments, big regular stuff that I autopay and always pay off, and one card to “emergency” stuff that I’m always working on paying off- think emergency dental work, car broke, etc. That one I do gig labor to cover when I can.

Anyone else, feel free to chime in! It’s super useful to have lists of tips and tricks!

#college tips #neurodivergence #neuroatypical #dealing with college

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theyearoftheking · 4 years

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Book Thirty-Nine: The Green Mile

Hoooooly crap, y’all! This is the halfway point of this project: I’ve read thirty-nine books, and I have approximately thirty-nine more to go (depending what Steve releases before the end of the year). And honestly? If it wasn’t for COVID, and quarantine, and lots of time traveling (pre-COVID, of course); I wouldn’t have reached the halfway point. This probably would have turned into a two year project. But here we are, diving into The Green Mile!

Of all the Steve books, I dreaded re-reading The Green Mile the most. I had originally read it when it was first published, and it came out in chapters every few weeks. I’d breathlessly tear through a chapter, only to have to wait for the next one to be released. It was a pretty fun format, and I really wish I still had my original chapters. Oh well.

But this time around, I didn’t think I was in the right head-space to read it, and the world sure as hell isn’t in the right head-space. The Green Mile was published in 1996, and takes place in 1932. It could very well have been set in our current climate. Just a few quotes for you...

“He got (his sentence) commuted mostly because he was white...”

“I think we have to be humane and generous to solve the race problem. But we have to remember that your negro will bite if he gets the chance, just like a mongrel dog will bite if he gets the chance and it crosses his mind to do so.”

“John Coffey is a Negro, and in Trapingus County we’re awful particular about giving new trials to Negros...”

NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED SINCE 1932!! We are still hearing these same sentiments from people claiming, “I’m not a racist, but...” Our judicial system is still biased against POC, and the rate of incarceration for POC compared to whites is staggering.

NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED. And that’s the part that makes me the most sad. So, yeah, I wasn’t looking forward to cracking The Green Mile in our current climate.

Few Steve books have touched me the way this one did. A fellow Constant Reader pointed out, “This is one of the only stories where he showcases the forces of good. We usually get ghosts and demons, but John Coffey may be the closest thing he has ever wrote of an angel...” Hot damn, Sam Beall, you’re not wrong.

But in addition to forces of good, we’ve also got Percy Wetmore; who I feel is the nastiest Steve villain ever... he makes Randall Flagg and The Crimson King look like dudes who drink matcha lattes at a cat cafe, and compare notes on their polarized sunglasses. Percy Wetmore immediately activates my, “must kick hard in the junk” reflex. He. Is. The. Worst.

The Green Mile is told from the POV of Paul Edgecombe; a prison guard on “the green mile;” which is where convicted killers awaiting the death penalty are housed. “The green mile” refers to the long hallway inmates have to walk down to get to the electric chair.

The story kicks off when John Coffey (like the drink but spelled different) is accused and found guilty of brutally raping and murdering two little blonde twin girls. He’s found on a riverbank, clutching their bodies, and crying, “I couldn’t help it, I tried to take it back, but it was too late...”

So, Coffey makes his way onto The Mile, and shares space with Eduard Delacroix and his pet mouse Mr. Jingles; and William Wharton (Billy the Kid, or Wild Billy, depending on the day). Delacroix is French southern gentleman found guilty of murder, and then arson to hide the murder scene. He’s a bad guy... don’t get me wrong... but there’s something intensely likable about him. Maybe it’s the pet mouse he’s trained, maybe it’s his meek nature that Percy (another prison guard) takes advantage of... I don’t know. But you grow to like him, and the relationship he has with Mr. Jingles. Mr. Jingles randomly showed up one day, and the guards (except Percy) were all taken with him. After Percy attempts to smash him with a club, he takes to Delacroix and whispers in his ear that his name is Mr. Jingles.

William Wharton is another story. He’s a wild card, who upon his arrival, promptly tries to strangle a prison guard. He also spits masticated Moon Pie at another guard. Sooo, he’s a lot of fun.

The three of them live on the wing, and the first up for execution is Delacroix. Percy has a particular hatred of him, he claims he tried to grab his junk once. It didn’t happen... Del just got yanked along when he was in handcuffs and fell in Percy’s lap. The day before his execution, Percy thinks it might be fun to kill Mr. Jingles. Like I said... total fucking asshole. He stomps on him, and Del loses it. Mr. Jingles is the only thing he loves in the whole world... and maybe the only thing that loves him back.

Thinking quickly, Coffey asks for Mr. Jingles little mousy body. Speaking of junk grabbing, he grabbed Paul and cured the UTI he had brewing for weeks. So, Paul is hopeful Coffey can use his miraculous healing abilities to do it again. And he does! Mr. Jingles lives!

But Percy’s not done being a scab on the balls of society. The night of Del’s execution, he tells him Mr. Jingles isn’t going to Mouseville like Paul promised he was (total lie- like telling kids a dog is going to live on a farm). And then, Percy doesn’t wet the sponge before placing it on Del’s head prior to his execution, so it’s horrible, painful and just horrible. So, Del is dead, Percy plays the, “I don’t know what happened!” card, and Mr. Jingles is gone. My heart. Of all the scenes in the book, I was dreading this one the most.

Meanwhile, the prison warden, Hal Moores is struggling with the fact his wife Melinda has a massive brain tumor, and it’s starting to change her personality. He doesn’t know what to do. Paul thinks they should pack Coffey up, and take him out to the Moores’s house and have him heal Melinda.

It’s a crazy idea, but it ends up working. The other prison guards drug Billy; and put Percy in a straitjacket and throw him in the supply closet so he doesn’t notice anything is amiss. They tell him it’s payback for how Del’s death went down. So, they race out to see Hal and Melinda, and Coffey does his thing. They race back to the prison, and no one notices they’ve been gone. However, Coffey is in a bad way. This was much more healing than he’s used to doing, and he’s mentally and physically exhausted.

After they release Percy from the supply closet, Coffey grabs him and “kisses” him: which transfers the sick energy he got from Melinda into Percy. Percy then turns around, and shoots Wild Billy/Billy the Kid dead; and then becomes catatonic.

He’s then carted off to the psych ward, which is too good for him. Fiery pits of hell would have been better.

But wait!

Plot twist! Billy the Kid had briefly touched Coffey, and Coffey learned HE was the one who had killed the two little girls. Paul puts this together as well, and tries to fight for Coffey’s release. He realizes Coffey’s words, “I couldn’t help it, I tried to take it back, but it was too late...” were about his inability to heal the girls, not his guilt.

When I had read the revelation the first time, I flew through the end, hoping and praying justice would be served, and Coffey wouldn’t be executed. Bad things didn’t happen to good people like John Coffey, right? Oh, how naive. There were A LOT of tears.

But Coffey is at peace with his upcoming execution. He tells Paul, “I’m rightly tired of the pain I hear and feel, boss. I’m tired of bein on the road, lonely as a robin in the rain. Not ever havin no buddy to go on with or tell me where we’s comin from or goin to or why. I’m tired of people bein ugly to each other. It feels like pieces of glass in my head. I’m tired of all the times I’ve wanted to help and couldn’t. I’m tired of bein in the dark. Mostly it’s the pain. There’s too much...”

That right there makes me cry every damn time I read it.

So, Coffey is executed, and life continues on; as it always seems to do. Paul is actually writing this story in his old age, at the Georgia Pines nursing home. There’s an orderly there who’s just as evil as Percy, and he keeps trying to follow Paul on his daily walks outside. Where’s Paul going???

TO SEE MR. JINGLES!!!

Yes! He’s still alive! It seems when Coffey healed people, it added onto their life expectancy. Mr. Jingles was still alive, and Paul was one hundred and four years old. But he knew his time was coming. He reflects on the loss of his beautiful wife, the people he knew on the Green Mile, the guards he worked with, and that mile seems LONG.

Such a sad, beautiful end to an incredible work. This is another one I recommend to people who tell me they don’t like Stephen King. Try it... you’ll like it... when your heart is done breaking that is...

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 27

Total Dark Tower References: 38

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Needful Things: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next is Desperation, which I know nothing about, other than it’s a real chonk of a book.

Do me a favor, please? Stop being ugly to each other. Stop hurting gentle people like John Coffey. Please and thank you.

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

#the green mile #stephen king #constant readers

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yasbxxgie · 5 years

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By the time I made the hike down the long pathway from the top of Kyoto’s Fushimi Inari to the houses below, I was thirsty. Which was convenient, since many local residents take advantage of foot traffic from the mountainside Shinto shrine by hosting small cafes in their homes. It was on that winding street that I first encountered amazake, an ancient, non-alcoholic, lightly fermented rice drink, which a helpful English sign noted could be served “hot or cold”.

I looked at the faintly sweet and creamy drink as a reward for my physical activity, one that, like kombucha, promised to replenish me after physical activity. But what my ¥400 (£3) bought me was actually a microcosm of Japanese culinary history.

First developed in the Kofun period (around 250 to 538AD), amazake was originally a food fermentation and preservation technique, created by boiling rice, water and koji, a filamentous fungus that is also used in the fermentation of miso, natto and soy sauce, for eight to 10 hours. The resulting drink, which is packed full of nutrients and gut-friendly bacteria, became so popular that it’s even mentioned in the Nihon Shoki, a text compiled in 720AD that comprises the oldest official history of Japan.

Since then, the drink has seen several rises and falls in popularity. Sales jumped 134.8% between 2016 and 2017, according to food and drink exhibition Foodex Japan, at the time that at-home fermentation became a trendy pastime. The drink then continued its popularity in 2019, thanks in no small part to boyband Kanjani Eight, who were hired to act as spokespeople for Hiyashi Amazake, a popular brand throughout Japan. Amazake also has a regular presence in cafes and convenience stores across the country, with locals sipping on it as a morning treat or afternoon pick-me-up.

Hiroshi Sugihara (杉原大), a fishmonger and fermentation enthusiast originally from Japan’s Aichi prefecture who relocated to Perth, Australia, has seen the rise of fermentation culture firsthand. His Facebook group THE BREW LIFE-発酵生活 has swelled to more than 5,900 members worldwide since its creation in 2014. Already a fan of fermenting miso and doburoku (a form of sake), he enjoyed introducing amazake, a drink from his childhood, to the group.

“It was very interesting and there were mixed reactions from Caucasian [members] but Asians were able to relate [it] to some of their traditional sweets,” he said.

Sugihara fondly recalls drinking hot amazake at temples on New Year’s Eve. Because the beverage is believed to have warming qualities (particularly due to ginger, which is often used to add flavour), it tends to be heavily consumed during the winter months, a period that includes several major holidays, including the Hinamatsuri “Doll Festival”. This has resulted in many Japanese people considering the drink as a tie to both their past and current national culture. As Shihoko Ura, author of food blog Chopstick Chronicles explains, her memories of amazake are laced with a fair amount of sentimentality, particularly now that she’s migrated to Australia.

“I used to be a Red Cross-trained RN in Ise City, Mie prefecture, where there is [the] famous Ise Shrine,” she recalled. “Ise shrine served free amazake for worshippers, and we first-aid employees were also offered the drink. I was always looking forward to the sweet treat when I had a little break in [my] eight-hour shift.”

Amazake is a sugary drink, as hinted at by its name, which translates to “sweet sake”, even though it only contains trace amounts of alcohol due to the fermentation process. Because of that translation, finding it in convenience stores can be tricky for non-Japanese speakers, who should consider asking for a brand name, such as Hiyashi Amazake or Marumi-koji-honten to avoid being served alcoholic sake instead.

As I sipped on my drink, I was surprised by the lumpy texture, similar to rice porridge, due to the small pieces of koji suspended in the liquid. At roughly 80 calories per 100g, it’s healthier than its creamy texture might initially imply, and fans of amazake claim it can positively impact seemingly every part of the body, including hair growth, weight loss, hangover recovery, sleep cycles and bowel movements.

Because of its nutrients, which include B6, folic acid, ferulic acid, dietary fibre and a notable amount of glucose, many claim it deserves a place in Japan’s stable of hangovers cures, which includes beverages made from turmeric or beef liver, ingredients meant to clean a specific organ. And amazake’s drinkable, easy-to-digest, gluten-free nutrients have also earned it the nickname “drinkable IV”, something that Sugihara confirms from experience.

“I usually have it when I have cold or fever and especially when I don’t have an appetite,” he said. “Amazake is something easier to swallow, yummy, and, thanks to the power of starch-breaking enzyme [found in the koji], it’s sort of pre-digested so kind to the digestive system, too.”

Its qualities are also thought to go beyond health benefits. As Misaki (文咲), a model and Spa LaQua ambassador in Tokyo explains, the drink is also loved by the beauty community. “Vitamin B group contained in amazake is related to metabolism of carbohydrates, lipids and proteins, skin and hair,” she told me via email. “Therefore, beauty effects are expected. Amazake also contains an ingredient called ergothioneine, an antioxidant that has the effect of suppressing skin aging.”

But with any food touted as an ancient cure-all, the big question remains. Does it actually work?

Adam Yee, an Austin-based food scientist and host of the podcast My Food Job Rocks, agrees that the minerals and vitamins contained in amazake will help the appearance of skin and hair – if consumed in large amounts. But he also says that the power of suggestion plays a large part in determining a food’s worth. He cited bone broth’s spike in popularity, a beverage that made many similar claims, as one example of good PR. However, he also made it clear that because amazake has an element that’s still very hard to scientifically account for, there may be some hidden, unaccounted truth to these claims.

“Fermentation is something that we really don’t know much about,” he explained. “It’s not like, give it one thing and [it] spits out another thing. Food is so complex, the koji that’s eating whatever it’s around, might actually create something different. You can say the same thing about yeast. Bread and wine are two different things, even though they use the same yeast strain.”

Currently, amazake is barely known outside of Asia. But that looks set to change. Like matcha, which has found its way into desserts both at home and abroad, amazake has become a ubiquitous part of Japanese cuisine, often extending past beverage status. Its continuing success outside of Japan was even predicted by America’s Test Kitchen, who named koji its number one food trend forecast for 2020.

John Sugimura (杉村), corporate executive chef and concept-brand director at PinKU Japanese Street Food in Minneapolis, has turned the drink into a signature part of his offerings, using it both as a creamy base and a way to add unexpected bursts of texture.

“I enjoy delicious baked goods including amazake for its nutrients,” he said. “For me growing up [with Japanese and German parents in the United States], I enjoyed amazake and banana smoothies. I have the most experience making pickles using amazake. And my greatest accomplishment has been incorporating amazake into my ‘sexy sesame dressing’ and salad.

This fusion of cultures may be what will eventually help amazake become a food trend outside of Japan, similar to the way kombucha and quinoa are now widely considered health foods outside their native regions of China/Russia and the Andean region of South America.

Atsushi Nakagawa (中川貴司), owner of Amazake Co in California, agrees, noting that by linking it to already-popular products, he only has to provide his consumers with a basic introduction to the drink and its potential benefits. After completing apprenticeships at miso and koji microbreweries in Japan over the last few years, he’s pleased at how his knowledge of amazake has sparked the interest of his Los Angeles-based clientele, and how he’s been inspired to play with traditional flavours.

“They get it,” he said. “Especially they love our amazake-mixed latte drinks. We offer Japanese ceremonial matcha, Golden Milk (turmeric, ginger and cinnamon) and horchata flavours. In the last few weeks, more and more people are becoming interested in our Pure Amazake, which is undiluted, so they can use it however they want.”

It might be easy to think of amazake as another trendy food. After all, bone broth, Brussels sprouts and açaí have all seen spikes and falls in popularity. However, those who grew up with amazake see its resurgence within Japan and its gradual introduction outside the country as an opportunity to take pride in their culture. As Sugimura explains, it’s that mindset that encourages him to experiment with the drink’s benefits – and has informed much of his career in food as a whole.

“When I was young, I resisted many Japanese traditions out of fear for the code of etiquette,” he said. “As a third-generation Japanese-American lacking mentoring, there were so many expectations on social behaviour, I became overwhelmed. Fast forward, [and now] every day is a celebration of my Japanese-American heritage.”

Amazake is a cup of Japanese history, but the natural energy the beverage delivers still feels very relevant today. I finished my drink, and returned the glass to the cafe owner, ready to continue exploring Kyoto. It might have just been the superfood at work, but not only did I feel nourished, I felt connected, too.

#amazake #drinkable iv #fermentation #koji #japan #japanese #beverage #beverages #bbc #bbc news

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asterinjapan · 5 years

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Back in time

Good evening, this time from the train from Osaka to Okayama! It's a little past 8:30 pm now, and since I'll have to get up early tomorrow for my trip to Tokyo, I'll be typing most of today's report on my phone. Just a heads up in case you spot any weird typoes, haha.

Anyway! Today was indeed a busy day, although very much fun in a lot of senses. You see, today I was meeting up with a friend to go to Universal Studios Japan, and then to a concert by KOKIA, my absolute favourite artist. So that's 3 great things in one sentence already, haha.

I'll be splitting the report so that one half just concerns the concert, because I tend to do very detailed reports on those. Seeing KOKIA live is such a treat, I don't want to forget a single detail! So below follows the report on the rest of the day.

I had to get up early to catch my train, so of course I woke up wayyyy to early at 4 am, pff. I went right back to sleep and woke up a little before my 6 am alarm, which was still too early, because breakfast starts at 6:30, haha. Oh well, plenty of time to get dressed in peace!

After breakfast, I made my way to the station to catch the shinkansen to Shin-Osaka station. The train goes past Himeji, though sadly I wasn't in a good position to take a picture of the castle. I did however notice that you can see Okayama castle from the train as well, be it from quite the distance. The views weren't really superb today, which was to be expected, since there was rain forecasted for pretty much the entire country. Oh well, not much I can do about that but take an umbrella, haha.

The trip was smooth and I met up with my friend at the station. We were going to Osaka station from here, a mere 5 minute ride, but it was quite tricky to even make it through the shinkansen gates. It was really busy for some reason, though they had just announced a train further south had stopped running due to heavy rains. Uh oh... but so far so good in Osaka, no rain yet and we eventually made it to Osaka station and from there, 2 quick trains bound for Universal Studios Japan!

We first caught up a little over drinks, with matcha latte for me of course, before we made it to the park entrance and got tickets. Since it was a Saturday I suspected it would be busy and we'd need to draw a number for the Harry Potter part of the park, but apparently the weather forecast worked in our favour, because there were no numbers needed to enter today. Yaaay! I went to Universal 4 years ago as well and mostly spent my day in the Harry Potter part, haha, so I wasn't complaining about starting here. Actually, this part of the park only has two rides proper and they're both a bit wild for us, but just looking around here is an attraction in itself. I got all nostalgic over the music and the scenes, and after shop browsing for a while and having our picture taken in front of the Hogwarts Express, we went into the wand shop to experience some magic happening as a random audience member was picked to be chosen by a wand. Sadly this wasn't me, haha, although I have a great wand at home I bought here last time. It was a fun little show (this time Ollivander spoke both very good English and Japanese, haha), after which we ended up in the wand shop, but we passed through it in favour of the castle.

You can go into Hogwarts castle for a pretty intense adventure (I did it back in 2015, my stomach wasn't very happy), or you can choose to take a stroll inside and look up on awe at all the amazing detail they put on here, haha. We opted for the latter, and I definitely made use of the invitation to take pictures by going wild with my current camera. Much better quality! Ah, I love this camera so. The castle has a ton of talking and moving paintings as well as some projections and a ton of replicas from the movies. Aside maybe from the last bit, where we first had to wait for a while for unknown reasons and then were rushed through, it was really great.

Once outside, we spotted some performers coming out dressed like the students from the wizarding schools Beauxbatons and Durmstrang from the fourth book/movie, so we stayed to watch. I think i read somewhere that this was a limited time show, and they were really good, very athletic. (I'm personally not a big fan of the movie approach of "the French students are only girls who dance pretty dainty ballet and the vaguely Russian students are only manly guys who grunt and stomp with sticks", but hey, that says nothing about the performers here! And the costumes were lovely. )

After some more shop browsing, we were in for a surprise once we were outside: the sun was shining bright! Absolutely not according to the forecasts, absolutely not complaining, haha. I took some very pretty pictures of the castle if I do say so myself, and then we went for lunch here. The salad served at the Three Broomsticks was pretty big, plenty enough to share. After this and of course some butterbeer (non-alcoholic), we left the wizarding world behind us and moved into the rest of the park.

This mostly ended in sightseeing, since the rows were too long to consider queuing up with the concert time getting closer, but that was a lot of fun too. They put in so much detail, and since it is almost Halloween, a lot of people had come dressed up.They do in the Disney parks too, but Disney has pretty strict rules about which characters you're allowed to dress up as, while here it seems to be "anything goes". I saw a guy dressed up as a piece of corn, quite some elaborate costume dress ups, a surprising amount of guys in Sailor Moon outfits, a lot of fancy gothic dress up, and a surprising number of uh, nuns. Alright! And of course, there was the usual mix with outfits from the Harry Potter part and uh, Minions. They have their own spot here.

We also went into the Jurassic park area, which was closed for maintenance last time, although sadly we didn't see a lot of dinosaurs roaming around. There was a scarily realistic Velociraptor animatronic inside the gift shop though! (I think it might have been Blue? Look, I only saw Jurassic World once.) But well, I still love dinosaurs, so this was still cool, haha.

Once we were getting closer to the time of the concert, we went back to the station to catch the train to Osaka station. Luckily the concert venue was very close and actually within the same building in which they have the big Broadway musicals here, currently the little mermaid. It was the lion king last time I went here and got lost at Osaka station, haha. (That station is like 5 different stations all connected, so it's a bit of a maze.) We got seated, got ourselves a drink (it's kinda like a jazz bar here, so you sit at a table and you can order food and drinks), made a quick trip to the merchandise shop, and then sat back to enjoy the performance.

I'll save those details for my next post, haha, but rest assured I had a great time. KOKIA had two performances tonight, so it was a little shorter than a big hall concert, but she did make time for an autograph session! Naturally we queued up with our newly purchased albums, haha.

Ah, such a good time! It was around dinner time now, so my friend introduced me to akashiyaki, which is "sort of takoyaki, except not", haha. Akashi is a city in the nearby Hyogo prefecture, and these are dumplings made of egg rich batter and octopus you need to dump into thin fish broth before eating (thank you, wikipedia). Although takoyaki, also balls with octopus, is more popular and better known, akashiyaki apparently came first. It was really yummy! We shared akashiyaki and then had a takoyaki gratin, which sounded kinda odd, but ended up being delicious as well. We eventually had some desserts at a nearby tea shop that sold SO MANY matcha things, I nearly had a crisis deciding until I opted for the matcha roll cake, incidentally the best roll cake I've ever had.

It was time to part ways with the promise of reunion, and I made it to Shin-Osaka alone. Familiar territory after last year, haha. I caught a shinkansen for Okayama and I have just arrived in my hotel safe and sound, very tired but very pleased.

Tomorrow will be tiring without a doubt, as I'll be in a train for 4.5 hours straight (I did this to myself, I know). But then I'll be in Ikebukuro, Tokyo, my home away from home at this point, haha. I guess I'll ditch my things at the hotel and then rush to Shibuya for my favourite little shrine there, because I must owe some deity something for how lucky I've been so far. Did I mention it was dry the whole time we were outside? Yeah.

I love Tokyo, so I'm very excited about going back there, but it also means saying goodbye to Okayama and entering my last week already. Time really flies, huh...

Well, stay tuned for pictures and the concert review while I go pack my suitcase (the title will make sense after that review, haha, although Harry Potter and dinosaurs are both things I grew up with) and then see you tomorrow from Tokyo!

#report #japan 2019 #report: japan 2019 #places: universal studios

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studylustre · 6 years

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(matcha latte anon🍵) hello carol!! first up, i wanna tell you that i love reading through your posts alot!! especially the soft boy™, it's so cute!!! >u

matcha latte (!!!) and the second time i met him (which was 2 weeks after), he remembered my order which was really nice and unexpected. also, i was with my friend that day, and i offered some yam chips (in a container) to another female collegue (since i am more used to seeing her, and also because i’m kinda shy to give him). he came to the table and gave back my container, and had a very small talk, in which he offered us drinks/ice cream but we declined. after my friend left, i continued studying and suddenly, he came to collect my cup which i was going to say thank you, but to my surprise, he placed another new cup of matchalatte for me!! i was shocked and didn’t know what to do so i just mouthed a thank you to him. at this point, my heart is already melting, considering this is the first time anyone has offered me a drink like this. we also said bye when he left. our third encounter: the next day, in which he came but i don’t think he had work. he sat at the chair in front of my table, but i was so HORRIBLY SHY that i didn’t look up that much. i have no idea if he was looking at me or not but it remained like this for about (more than) 5 minutes long?? after that, he went to stand near my table and said “no matcha latte today?” so i replied “yea mocha today” !!!! but we were interrupted by the female collegue who said “haha you talking to customer ah” *in chinese* but in like a jokingly manner. then i think the situation got shy and he said no in chinese once again and then we bid farewell :c. it was such good memories and i never met him after that, and i thought i never will. the only info i had about him was that he’s a year older than me. i think i’m a person who falls in love quite easily haha, so i couldn’t stop thinking about it for quite a while. fast forward to jun 14, i signed up for a school camp (i usually don’t go to camps) with 2 of my friends. it was a camp with 5 different schools. as time passed on during the first day,i couldn’t help but notice this guy felt familiar?? i kept noticing the way he talked, the way he walked, and it hinted me that it mIGHT be him ?? (i’m not very good at remembering faces, and also his hair is also wayyyy longer than before) during that night, i was talking to my friend about how i had a feeling that it was him, but i don’t know if i really want to know if it’s him (bc he seemed close to this girl, and my self-esteem is quite low :c). but i decided that i should just ask him. during the next day, i didn’t see him around often, but i couldn’t quite find the courage to ask him, and i don’t really want to do it infront of my friends. when the camp was nearing to an end, i almost thought i won’t ask him, but man i just went with it, go up to him and awkwardly goes like “wait, did u work in a cafe before?” he seemed hesistant so i thought i got the wrong guy, but NO! IT WAS REALLY HIM! aaaa but we got interrupted again, and one person asked if we were cousins LOL.we didn’t manage to talk alot, but found out we’re in the same school??? but he’s year 3 while i’m year 2. once again, i was really amazed to meet him again such circumstances, and that we were in the same school all along?? i thought i would meet him sometime soon,,, but turns out i was wrong.. i didn’t have any contact of him and once again, as time goes by, i didn’t think much about him again. fast forward early to end jul-early aug, i signed up for a japan uni talk (once again, not something i usually go for but somehow did). on that day, i was thinking about how long i’ve never met café guy but was happy cause i’m over it. but life decides to (idek what life is trying to do to me) bring him back into the picture again! i was waiting for my friend when i suddenly saw this familiar looking guy, i only saw him walking two steps (he’s blocked by a pillar) and i had a gut feeling that it might be him. but this time he was wearing glasses and his hair is short now. after seem peaking around here and there, it turns out it really was him??!?! at that point of time, i was very shy and awkward, it was hard for me to say hi or anything, i was just freaking out. to sum up that day, i basically didn’t manage to say hi to him (regrets :cc). but my friend, managed to find a mutual friend of both of us’s instagram. i went to follow him and found café’s guy instagram eventually!! to sum up, i eventually used my main account to follow him, in which he followed back ( that was like almost a 3 day process uwu). also, i dropped huge hints to lowkey scream *i’m the matcha latte i hope u remember me!!!* aaaa he dm-ed me and ask if im the matcha latte girl!!! we talked abit (not alot really) and (yesterday) he said he’s working but at another chain of the café (which is about 3 mins walking distance to the café i met him & usually go to). he asked what time i was leaving, and since i was meeting my friend, i said around late 5 to 6. he then said his break was only at 6plus, so i thought maybe i can wait a little longer to catch him (but i was a little afraid to meet him as well haha) i was going to pack my bag when he came!!! he immediately came to my table and talked to me!!! but my friend called me so i had to pick up, when it ended, he came back to my table again and we talked for about 20mins?? it was nice talking to him (some context: my mind usually goes blank when making conversations with people!!! >u

hi angel!! sorry for the late reply - i saw ur ask a little while ago but bc i didn’t have my laptop (it was off for repairs) i couldn’t reply :(( anyway, it sounds like ur both mutually interested in each other!! i think u should go for it. i mean, from what i can tell, it sounds like u kinda like this guy (u seem rly excited whenever u catch glimpses of him and idk i feel like he definitely made a big impression on u bc why else would u a) remember all your interactions b) get so excited about seeing him time and time again and c) bother to tell me all this, right? ✨) like it just seems like u both have interest in each other but are too shy to make a move. i think u should go for it bc u’ve already nearly lost him several times now - u only get so many chances and i feel like u might regret it if u don’t do anything and just let this opportunity slide… also i think u might be overthinking it - you may be different people, yes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing?? also u guys don’t really know each other all that well yet so it’s really too soon to be worrying so much, just try to take the time to get to know each other better and then see how things go once u have a better grasp on who he is etc. u have nothing to lose from giving it a shot, especially since u already hope for it to work out, so why hold urself back and deprive urself of something that could potentially make u a really happy? everyone’s scared of things and it’s natural to be scared of something like this, but it would be a shame to let that fear hold u back from something that could be really great

#answered #matcha latte anon

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rudi-is-rudi · 3 years

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last day of 2021

when I look back at this year, here’s what i’ll remember:

We moved 4 times (berkeley, portland, parents’ house, philly-ish). I realized my goal of living closer to family thanks to patience, determination, and sacrifice by my partner. We celebrated Sean’s bday in Berkeley and had a nice strawberry mouse cake then had a getaway in the mountains near tahoe. We touched snow and I did a naked catwalk runway in the cabin haha... We celebrated Valentine’s day too and Sean spoiled me so much with a cute book about 50 things he loves about me, roses, chocolates, a nice puzzle of hands and flowers. We got vaxxed! And I got bangs! Why did I get bangs? I don’t remember, but it was completely necessary to reinvent myself at the “end” of the pandemic. My mom came to California to visit my sister and I. We went to Santa Cruz and I made them ceviche and we watched Sleeping with the Enemy and giggled a lot. We also went to the freezing cold March northern CA beach which makes me smile and laugh when I remember it. We felt like we were in an alternate reality. I got a tattoo from Sai in SF. We packed up the uhaul, cats, and car and drove to Portland and got scammed hard, contemplated all of life’s decisions and ultimately survived one of the most emotionally and physically challenging summers ever. But we did drink delicious iced matcha lattes with almond milk from the Flying Cat Cafe next door and did a good bit of window shopping. I had the best birthday ever at Oma’s in pdx followed by great gifts, cake, and playing basketball at the park (lol). I got another promotion at work to secure the bag !! And finally in a healthier position in terms of stress and alignment with my creative skills. We swam in a hotel pool in Seattle which was very reminiscent of childhood and I met Sean’s sister. I flew back to PA for the family picnic and cousincation 2021! Our hotel had a lovely view of the bay and we danced and drank and ate soft pretzels at Seacrets all night long. I’m pretty sure I did the “Lovesick Girls” dance barefoot in the sand that night too. After arriving back in Portland, we slipped the kitties a few relaxation pills and hopped on the plane back to PA where my parents welcomed us with open arms, a whole lot of patience and support, and a cozy home to stay in while we searched and searched for a home of our own. We went kayaking, hiking, drove to Raleigh, went to NYC and dined at many amazing restaurants. Things were starting to feel normal again. Except for cats living in the basement! I got to meet Charlie and we discovered the Folklore Cafe together, talked all day, and got a tour of the van. We went to many arcades and Sean won me stuffies over and over. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family after 2 long years of not seeing them. I hugged my nana so tight. Finally we signed a lease, the same day we went to see Murder by Death, ran into old friends, and found the parking spot of a lifetime. We moved in the day after thanksgiving and have been nesting ever since. We went to a party! I haven’t been able to socialize like that in years and it was such a gift. We built a cat door, and rebuilt our home and lives from the ground up. I’m seeing a doctor I like, I got off my medicine, I go to pilates 2x a week and I’m really taking care of myself. We celebrated christmas in our new place with a beautiful tree, hot chocolate, a strawberry shortcake, and cajun chicken alfredo. My parents had us over yesterday for more gifts, scrabble, giggles, and cookies and mom sent us home with leftover food, as always. The only thing missing was my sister. I feel a deep sense of peace and love as the long year comes to a close. xx

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shytiff · 3 years

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May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake.

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

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daehwifi · 7 years

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Cafe Daniel Au

- Admin Xion 🍡

- so you went to this cat cafe by yourself - to celebrate how you passed your SATs with one of the highests scores - you extremly adored cats to the tea - and you really were craving some black tea to calm your nerves down from all the stress built up the exam - as you entered, you were greeted by flUFFY cats and a warm atmosphere - "welcome!" a male voice spoke happily as youre attention went towards the male with broad shoulders and brown hair in which looked familuar to you - a small smile creeped up on his face as you gazed off - his eyes formed slightly as you could see some of his teeth poke out - "have a seat," he warmly said. the cafe had a few couples in and it was quite warm and cozy with semi-cafe talk in the air - you sat down to a table for 2 as the male helped you to the menus - "you can pet the cats and play with them, just don't do anything mean to hurt them and if you'd like to see their names its all on the wall over there," he spoke - you thanked him as he went off - you looked at the menu filled with pasteries and cakes that made you drool - and the drink selection looked so good too - you wanted to order everything - but you were only limited to so much money - you glanced around and saw two cats playing around with each other - and your eyes landed on the same male with the name tag 'daniel' - he looked pretty cute in your eyes - but his smile kept on repeating inside your head - it seemed so soft and - attractive - he caught you staring at him as a soft chuckle escaped from his lips - lips in which you watched form into a small grin - he approached you - "ready to take your order?" he asked as he had a notepad in his hand - "mmhm, i'd like combo number 72" you spoke. it was a strawberry icecream cheesecake with pound cake pieces inside, that also came with a matcha latte and the foam is a cat shape! - he softly smiled - and my god - his smile made your heart melt - and despite you guys just met 85 seconds ago - you didn't wanna get into a relationship that quickly - even if you had the chance - but you doubted it - a few minutes later the same male came back with your order - you thanked him as you ate away - bOI THE FOOD WAS GOOD AS SHIT - IM HUNGRY JUST DESCRIBING IT-

- later on you decided to look at the cats, leaving your seat - two certain cats caught your attention - they instantly hopped onto your lap as you were overwhelmed by their licks - a small laugh escaped from yours lips as suddenly daniel approached you - "they're usually not friendly," he spoke as one of the cats hopped onto his shoulder as smol giggles escaped from his lips - "rooney that tICKLes" he claimed as he laughed - "someone's ticklish," you teased as suddenly the cat huddling om your lap hopped down to your leg and began rubbing their fur against your bare leg - you began laughing becaUSE YOU WERE ALSO TICKLISH - "and someone's teasing me because im ticklish," daniel spoke in a giddy tone - "are you the only one working here?" you asked - "nah, my managers in which are a cute married couple are here working in the back, but they're extremly chill," he spoke as he began to gently scratch the rooney - "so, what brings a beautiful lady like you here all alone?" he questions as he raises an eyebrow - "just a small celebration for having a high score on my SATs," you softly said - "i like your type of celebrations," daniel spoke as he pulled up the chair and sat beside you - "so, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?" you asked - "guess," - "sophmore year," - "correcto mundo, and how about you?" he questioned - "same as you," you replied - his voice is something that echoed inside your head like a record trying to find the music within itself - it reminded you of something but that something was a blur like a whole part of your memory has gone to a piano slur [aNGSTY WRITTING TIME WITH XION] - [but nahh i had the oppertunity to make it a deep moment baCk to fluffy shit] - "so, do you have a boyfriend?" he asks - "what a straight forward question," you said with a smile - "nope, and even if i did i wouldn't kiss him. when i was eight i met this dude who owned three cats. one of them died and i remember us crying until the sun rised. but- we made a promise. we both liked each other but we promised we'd lose our first kiss to each other when we're in sophmore year. and even if he broke that promise, i still wouldn't care," you drabbled off speaking your opinion and getting lost in your own thoughts - "oh shit- sorry for venting," you blurted - "no problem," he replied with a soft smile that you couldn't help but stare at - you and daniel kept on talking as the two cats didnt seem to get bored of you both - sometimes you'd doze off and you wouldn't notice how much time has passed - "anyways, i should get going. do you want me to pack that up for you?" he suggests as you look at the time - damn, 3 hours of just talking - you nodded as he took your plate - you patiently waited as he came back with a box in a plastic bag - you smiled as you paid for everything then left, saying goodbye - TIME SKIP - you were at home as you were craving some of the leftover cake - you opened went through the plastic bag as you took out the white box - it had a sticky note with daniel's phone number on it as you chuckled - you removed the sticky note as on the back of it you saw something folded - you took the folded piece as you unfolded it which - revealed a picture of you when you were a kid beside that same boy you promised to lose your first kiss too as the two same cats from the cafe were there - "kang daniel, - no wonder why your name sounded so familuar,"

#kang daniel #daniel #daniel kang #wanna one #wannaone #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 daniel #drabble #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #wanna one daniel #wannaone daniel #the most angelic person alive

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gethealthy18-blog · 5 years

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287: How to Create and Rekindle Passion & Libido in Relationships With Susan Bratton

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/287-how-to-create-and-rekindle-passion-libido-in-relationships-with-susan-bratton/

287: How to Create and Rekindle Passion & Libido in Relationships With Susan Bratton

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This podcast is brought to you by Four Sigmatic, a Finnish company bringing the everyday magic of mushrooms to our daily lives. If you visited my home, you’d notice my homemade coffee/tea bar in my kitchen. Above it hangs 8 wooden cups, called kuksas… one for each member of my family. These have become part of our family tradition as we often sip mushroom coffee or superfood elixers from them at breakfast or after dinner during family time. Wooden cup or not, I highly recommend all of the four stigmatic products and you’d also find every single one of them in my kitchen! Here’s how I incorporate them into my day: in the morning I will drink one of their mushroom coffee blends, the matcha, the coffee latte or mushroom mocha with chaga. Throughout the day I sip their chaga, cordyceps or lions mane elixirs on their own since these are all caffeine free but have a host of benefits due including a major boost of antioxidants. Nighttime means their calming turmeric tea or Reishi elixir with a splash of macadamia milk. Mom tip: I also always keep their activated charcoal lemonade on hand for the first sign for a stomach bug… my kids love it and charcoal always seems to help. As a listener of this podcast, you can save 15% with the code wellness mama at foursigmatic.com/wellnessmama

This episode is brought to you by SteadyMD, my family’s source for concierge medicine and our primary care doctors. Once something only available to the ultra wealthy, concierge medicine is now available to all of us thanks to SteadyMD. This means my family is connected with a highly qualified MD certified in functional medicine and who knows our medical history, the supplements we take, our preferences for medical treatments and who is available anytime we need her via text, video chat, or phone call. She’s been there when I was trying to decide if I needed to take a kid in for stitches or a sore throat, she’s looked at my kids ears remotely via digital otoscope that I connect to my phone and she manages and advises based on regular labs. I’ve always said that your doctor should be your partner in managing your health and should listen and take into account your symptoms, feelings and preferences and with SteadyMD, that absolutely happens. I feel supported, heard and confident knowing that I have one of the top doctors in the country available when I need her. With her help and thanks to diet and lifestyle changes in the past few years, I’ve been able to confirm that I no longer have any of the symptoms or lab markers of Hashimotos and am completely in remission! I truly can’t speak highly enough about steadymd and hope you’ll check them out. Head to steadyMD.com/wellnessmama to learn more and to take a quick quiz to see which doctor you match with.

Katie: Hello, and welcome to “The Wellness Mama Podcast.” I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com. And today’s episode, may be one you don’t want your little ones listening to, so if you are a mom or a driving in the car with little ones, you might wanna listen to this one sometime when your kids are not in the same room, unless sex is a topic you’ve already talked to them quite a bit about. Because I am here with Susan Bratton, who is considered a champion and advocate for all who desire more passionate relationships and she’s considered a sexpert. She’s been called the Dear Abby of sex with her fresh approach and original ideas that have helped millions of people of all ages to transform sex into passion. She’s been married to her husband, Tim, since 1993. But we hear a little bit about their story today and that it wasn’t always just sunshine and rainbows.

She’s an author, an award-winning speaker, and a serial entrepreneur, whose passion is to help couples all around the world. With her husband, she is CEO and co-founder of Personal Life Media. And she’s authored 20 books, including, “Relationship Magic,” “The Passion Patch,” and “30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic,” as well as her international best-seller, “Sexual Soulmates.” And in this episode, we go deep on things like why intimacy seems to die at a certain point in marriage and what you can do to revive it, why women and men are so different when it comes to intimacy, and how women can learn to be more in touch with their bodies in a way that’s really sexually satisfying. So, buckle your seatbelts. This is a fun one. But, again, maybe not one for little children’s ears.

Susan, welcome. And thanks for being here.

Susan: Oh, Katie, It’s so lovely to have the opportunity to share a conversation that we have with others. You’re always a joy to me. And thank you so much for the conversation around our sexuality and how it manifests over the different life stages we have, as a woman. I know that’s a big part of what we wanna cover today. So, thank you.

Katie: Absolutely. And I’m so excited to jump into this with you because, not only are you a friend and an expert on this, I think this is a topic that doesn’t get talked about enough. We’re pretty comfortable talking about all the other health topics. But I feel like this is really an important aspect of health that doesn’t get talked about even sometimes among close friends, and one that can be so helpful if we have the conversation in a constructive way. So, if you’re willing to get a little vulnerable, at first, I know from knowing you that you have a pretty amazing story when it comes to yourself with your husband. So, if you don’t mind, can we start there?

Susan: Of course. Yeah, well, I’m a sexpert. And that is a funny thing to be. And I’ve really had to grow into it because it takes a lot of courage to be a sexpert because people are really triggered by conversations about sex. And that comes mostly from people’s shame and traumas that have happened to them, and their parents never taught them much about sex. Their parents never were very intimate together, weren’t very touchy or lovey. Many people feel like they came from what would almost be called a sex-starved environment. And then they get out in the world and things happen. You know, we get abused or we get shamed. We date and things happen. Maybe we have unplanned pregnancies or we contract an STI or, you know, it’s scary. We’re taught to be almost afraid, “Don’t get pregnant. Don’t get an STI.” But nobody ever tells us about how to make love, how to connect, how to keep, you know, your marriage bed in a really happy place. And so, we have a longing and a fear around sex. And many, many people, they feel like they’re not enough or they have body shame issues, or they don’t think they look pretty down there. There’s just so much many things that can get in the way of having that deep, connected, loving, passionate relationship with your partner.

And I think, for me, it started… Gosh, I just remembered this, I think the catalyzing moment where I…and the very beginning of what happened to turn me from a successful Silicon Valley Executive into a sexpert, was the day I was standing outside on the front step of my Silicon Valley mansion, having had incredible financial success and entrepreneurial success in business. And there I was, standing there with my little girl, and she was six years old. And she was rubbing her little blanky on her lip. She liked to take the little satin edge of her blanky and rub it on her lip when she was nervous. I could always tell when she was… It was her little, like, poker tell when she was nervous. She was rubbing it on her lip. And my husband was in his SUV, was all packed up, and he was gonna drive down the driveway, and she said, “Daddy, are you still gonna be my daddy?”

Like, oh, and I mean, I tell you that right now, and it literally, like, my whole chest gets coated in upset feeling from thinking that I was on the edge of ruining my little girl’s life and losing my husband because we had grown apart in the last 11 years. The first 11 years of our marriage, we had stopped being intimate. I didn’t really want him. I wanted to want him, but I didn’t want him. He was so mad at me because I didn’t really like to have sex with him anymore. And he was very emotionally checked out. And he was gonna drive away and go to a hotel, and we were gonna proceed with a divorce. And I thought, “What am I doing, man? How did I get here? How did I get here? This is not right. I don’t want this to happen.” I loved him, I just didn’t want him. And if I only knew what I know now, I could have really prevented it from happening. Really, my whole career, the last 15 years, have been devoted to helping couples not get to the point that I got to that day where he was about to drive down the driveway and out of my life, and I was gonna ruin my daughter’s childhood.

And we just didn’t know what we didn’t know. We said, “All right, let’s not do it. Park the car, don’t drive away. We can’t do this.” And we started to go to therapy. And then we went to sex workshops, talk about edgy. I would have a meltdown in the car on every trip to a workshop. We did these human awareness institute workshops, and ecstatic loving workshops, and orgasmic meditation workshops. And we really wanted to try to figure out how to rekindle our relationship in the bedroom because we were great friends, we were great parents, we had an incredible life together, but we were living as brother and sister. And really what had happened was I had sex with my husband for a decade, and I never had a climax during intercourse. And if you hear about this thing called… Have you ever heard of this thing called the orgasm gap? Have you heard that saying, or phrase, or concept?

Katie: I’ve heard the term, but I’m not totally familiar with the meaning.

Susan: The orgasm gap is that over 90% of the time, the masculine, if you will, the penis owner, he has a climax from intercourse, but less than half the time some women are able to have an orgasm from intercourse. So, you go for a decade having intercourse with your partner and never having experienced, you know, a climax from it. And how long do you wanna do that? Like, my limit was 11 years. I didn’t wanna do it anymore. It wasn’t good for me. It was great for him. He didn’t understand why I didn’t want to have sex. And I didn’t know what I didn’t know. So, we said, “Well, let’s figure it out. Let’s learn.” Because what I’ve realized since then is that orgasm is a learned skill. So many women are ashamed or they feel not enough because they can’t have an orgasm or they’re not sure if they’re having one, or they have one but only in a certain way, or only with their vibrator, or only once in a while. It’s elusive. And what I’ve come to learn through all of the work that I’ve done is that all you have to do is know how to do it and someone just has to teach you how.

And so, I’ve devoted the last decade of my life to teaching women and their partners, how to have, not only one kind of orgasm, but 15 different kinds. Our bodies have unlimited orgasmic potential, and so do our partners. Men leave a lot of pleasure on the table. They don’t seem to be as upset about it. They seem to be happy with their kind of go-to strategy. But us women, we have so many ways we can experience orgasmic bliss with our partner. And nobody teaches us how and you certainly won’t see it on pornography. I am a very, very, very vocal detractor of pornography. I think it’s degrading to women. It doesn’t teach the right things. It’s not emotionally connected. And so, I really like to show people, give them techniques and ideas about, “Okay. Here’s what you actually need to do to achieve that pleasure.

You just didn’t know that you were missing some of these parts of the arousal experience and you weren’t quite sure how your genitals worked.” So, what I do is I just teach people all these different ways to do what I call bridging the orgasm gap or I like to call it “Crossing the gasm.” You know, because we can have as many orgasms as our partners if we just know how to do it. But we just need to learn that there are people out there like me that can teach these things. And I give away most of this stuff for free. I love to give, give, give, give, give, give, give and do very well, just giving away lots of techniques. And so, that’s what happened for us, but there was another issue, too.

And that is that, when I was young, I was sexually abused by my stepfather. And then when the first time that I lost my virginity, not the first time, the only time, the first time I had sex and lost my virginity, I got pregnant. And it was very, very… I was 19 years old and I had an abortion. And I knew that was the right thing for me, at that time, but I had a lot of loss and sadness over that. And then I had a time when I dated a boy and he almost raped me., and I felt very afraid of men. And I had a boyfriend one time who I had sex with and he kicked me out of bed and said, “Get your clothes and go home. I’m never going to call you again. You’re no good in bed.” Oh my God, I mean, I had so many wounds that I was carrying around, that even when I married my husband and I loved him, and I loved our lovemaking, it was so repetitive. And I wasn’t really having a great experience with it, that when the new relationship energy wore off, and I had all that kind of, like, trauma I was carrying around, that between all the trauma I’d experienced and the lack of orgasmic pleasure I was having in my marriage, I just didn’t wanna have sex anymore.

So, we went to therapy and he went with me, and we unwound all the trauma, I had a great therapist, and my husband was by my side every step of the way. And I was able to come to compassion about what happened and about my perpetrator, my stepfather, and I felt forgiveness for him, and I let it go. And I moved beyond it, instead of stuffing it. And I learned skills from these workshops. And all of a sudden my sex life with my husband became alive and on fire. And I found my feminine fire. I was having incredible pleasure with my husband and I. We just thought, “Oh my gosh, why doesn’t anybody teach these things. All our friends are dropping like flies. They’re all getting divorced. And it’s not the finances, it’s the sex. It’s the lack of good sex.” He’s gonna go get another younger girlfriend and she’s gonna get just as bored with him. And he’s gonna have multiple divorces and re-marriages because they didn’t know what they were doing because there’s no place you can learn to have heart connected, passionate lovemaking.

So, that’s how I ended up here, 15 years later, as the trusted hot sex advisor to millions, married 26 years, never more in love, never had better sex, totally love my husband. And I teach people how to find that themselves, how to understand the anatomy, and arousal, and libido, and desire, and sexual health and it is the most rewarding thing. You know, your greatest wound becomes your greatest gift.

Katie: Yeah. Absolutely. And that’s interesting that you said it was about 11 years in for you guys. It seems like there is something between that 10 to 15-year mark of marriage where… I hear this story from a lot of people from a lot of friends, that there seems to be a change that happens for a lot of people, at that point. Why do you think that is? Do you think it’s just, like, for you, all those years of it not being what it could have been and getting disillusioned? Are there other factors that come into play in that time period or why does it seem like so many people may be hit that at the same time?

Susan: Well, there are a couple of stages of abject boredom and sexual dissatisfaction. It sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Yeah. The first one is about four months to four years into the relationship, the new relationship energy wears off. And then there’s that seven-year Itch, which some of us can keep going until about 10 years, but it’s really boredom. It’s just that orgasm gap thing where it feels great to him, so he wants to keep doing it. But you get bored out of your mind and you need more… As the female, you need more seduction. You need to be moved towards your pleasure. You need more arousal. You need to feel desire. You also simply get bored and you need just more excitement. You need it to be fun. It ends up being rather perfunctory, after a while, if you’re not learning new things together. Really, the interesting thing about libido is that it is your general health. And as you age, your gut microbiome gets messed up, you get more toxins in, your hormones start to decline. All those things are actually… You know, you’re not producing as much serotonin in the gut. You’re not producing as many hormones. If you’ve been on birth control pills, that’s tamped it down. You know, there’s just a lot of factors at a physical level that happens, and then desire at an emotional level.

You maybe have frustrations with your partner, or withholds, or you’re not really being honest, or they’ve maybe, you know, gotten a potbelly, or they’re not grooming themselves like they used to, or they’re dressing sloppy, or things like that, that make you less…you desire them less. So you’ve got kids and you’re tired. And your husband’s a little, like, I don’t know, rough around the edges. You know, he’s not showing up for you the way he did when you first got together. He’s not romancing you. Sure, you might have date nights, but he’s not putting the effort in on the romance side of things. You know, when was the last time he brought you flowers or, you know, things like that.

And so, that kind of pulls down your desire. And then because he doesn’t understand how to arouse a woman, because testosterone starts out already. You know, he wakes up horny, and you don’t. He’s got this morning wood and he would just be happy to have sex every morning, just intercourse. It would be great for him and he’d go on his merry way, but that’s not really what women want. We wake up in the morning, gaving to get the kids off to school, and a million things to do. And quickies, honestly, I am against the quickie. I stand for no quickies because our genitals, our female genital are urogenital structure. We have as much erectile tissue inside us, as our partners do on the outside. If you think about it, he’s an outie and we’re an innie. And he gets almost instantly aroused because the blood flows into his penis and he gets that erection, so his visual signal is, “I’m ready to go.” And that’s the thing with testosterone, it’s full speed ahead. It thinks it knows what it’s doing. It’s overly confident. It has more certainty. That’s why it never asks for directions, right? Even when it’s lost, it just thinks it knows. It’s overconfident. It’s cock shore, right? And estrogen is more eyes on everything. It sees flaws. It has more anxiety, naturally. It has trouble getting in its body. It’s in its head. And it’s bothered by things, that the room is too cold, his beard is scratchy, the sheets aren’t snug on the bed, the lighting is too bright, the music isn’t right or it’s too loud. You know, we notice everything. And so, we have a harder time settling in. It takes us longer to get aroused. Our husband doesn’t realize this because he’s full steam ahead. And he’s kind of immune to the little things in the room that take us out of our body and we notice.

And so, we get this disconnect, where over the years, you haven’t taken, or insisted upon, or known to make sure that you get enough physical stimulation, that you take a slow arousal and let your body, and let your desire come to you. We don’t start out horny. We need to be turned on. We need to give ourselves the opportunity to first relax, which is the beginning of arousal. And then to build our turn on and our engorgement, which is the blood flow to our genitals. We need to kiss and be held, and stroked, and loved first before our husband grabs our breasts or grabs our Yoni. That’s not right for us. But he doesn’t know because the first thing he wants you to do is grab his manhood. That makes him feel calm. And like, “Okay. This is good for me. I’m being touched where I wanna be touched.” If he grabs you that way, it contracts you. It’s not right for the woman. And so, most husbands don’t know these things. And so, you go on for a decade, getting manhandled by a guy, you know, who thinks he’s better than he is. Eighty-percent of men, think they’re above average in bed. Okay. That math doesn’t compute. So, if you don’t have someone showing you how to turn on slowly and giving you the chance to do that, how many times are you gonna wanna have sex? You’re gonna want to stop that after a while. And that’s what I think happens to a lot of marriages. And the fun goes away. You’re not learning new things together. And I’d love to tell you more about that, too, the way to kind of, like, rekindle it, if you will.

Katie: So, I definitely do wanna jump into how ways you can try new things and rekindle in the bedroom. But first, I just wanna drive home a point. You mentioned that, for you in that phase, you had trouble reaching climax from intercourse alone. And I think that this is probably a pretty common thing for women, but it’s not one that’s talked about very often. And I wonder if maybe women feel like alone or, like, something’s wrong with them when they’re not able to that because it’s a common theme, that they probably think that’s something normal to happen. So, I’m curious, is that common for women to have difficulty with that? And if so, are there ways to learn that or to make it still very pleasurable, even if that’s not the case?

Susan: Yes. Most women don’t orgasm from intercourse, only the lucky ones. It’s actually a learned skill. So, we are biologically wired to learn how to make babies. That’s slot A into tab B. And that works pretty well without anybody teaching us what to do. But what we’re not taught and isn’t easy to understand or doesn’t come naturally to us is having orgasms. There are 16 types of female orgasm by my count right now. And what I would call orgasms from intercourse or penetration orgasms, or PIV, is what a lot of sexperts call it, penis-in-vagina orgasms. I don’t like that one as much. That is one of the most learned types of orgasms that there are. And the best way to do it… Well, I’ll tell you that I have a series about how to do it. I explain all of the details of exactly what to do in a series of YouTube videos on my Better Lover YouTube channel. So, I can’t get into all of it on this podcast because there’s a lot of things because it’s different things for different women. But generally, the biggest issue is two things.

The first is lack of proper genital engorgement, which means, not enough time with getting your genitals massaged, and/or pleasured prior to intercourse. And then the second thing is lack of his skill in the thrusting and lovemaking side of things. He will tend to go immediately inside you. You won’t have enough engorgement. You won’t have enough blood flow. You won’t have enough turn on. You won’t have enough lubrication. And he’ll go too fast, he’ll go right in. And then he’ll go in and out, kind of like the piston in a car motor, rather than the teasing, short, shallow strokes, combined with longer, slower strokes, hip drops and pelvic fluidity instead of a stiff pelvis. He’ll do too much, too hard. He won’t give you breaks. He’s not really conscious of what his penis is doing inside your vagina. You’re kind of just holding on, if you will, unable to relax. There’s probably a lot of vaginal rigidity. There’s probably a lot of missing terms of endearment, and verbal appreciation, and encouragement. There’s probably lack of kissing and full-body touch, and things like that. The positions may not be comfortable for you. It might be that you’re rushing into it and you’re not propped up with pillows. The environment might not be right. You might not have enough application of good organic nut oil. I like coconut oil or avocado oil, organic oil added to the situation so that you’ve got a good glide. There’s just probably a lot of components missing that are preventing you as the woman from really surrendering to your pleasure and it feeling very good to you. But I can tell you that, if you lay in all of these types of things… And there’s nothing wrong with the desire for your husband, you love him, you’re not mad at him. He’s meeting you’re outside of the bedroom relationship values, that the two of you can learn how to make love in a way that is much more orgasmically satisfying for her and not just him.

Katie: That makes perfect sense. Yeah. So, what are some of the ways…? I’d love to hear both from your experience and now what you teach, just a few more ways that people can rekindle that. You gave some great suggestions on how to make sure it’s beneficial for both. But when people hit that time, where like that seven-year itch you mentioned, what are some ways to rekindle that and to make things feel alive again for couples?

Susan: The best way is to schedule erotic playdates. So, I didn’t say schedule sex because that’s one more thing to do, which is the last thing we wellness mamas need, right? The last thing we need as one more thing to do, “Service, my husband, boring.” And not to have any lovemaking out of shame, or mercy, or feeling like you have to, or duty, or anything like that, instead, scheduling erotic playdates where you learn new things together. Because your old dog needs to learn some new tricks. But because he’s testosterone dominant, he thinks he knows everything and he’s great in bed. So, you can’t tell him he’s not, but you can tell him, “Let’s try some new things.” And new things might be, “Let’s do a little role play.” Maybe it’s, you know, “Let’s play doctor and nurse,” and I’m gonna wear some little nurse outfit that’s super cute because that can be fun for some women. They like to dress up in sexy things and that makes you feel sexier. Or, “Let’s try a new position that we’ve never tried,” or, “Let’s make love in a different place,” maybe out in the backyard or something that feels a little naughty like, “The kids are all gone, let’s try the dining room table.” That can be really fun. Or, “Let’s learn a new skill together.” So, maybe an expanded orgasm practice or something like that. There are so many different ways that you can think about learning new things together. And the couple that plays together, stays together, especially in the bedroom. So, moving from, we’re having sex to we’re having erotic playdates, really gets you back into that new relationship energy that’s gone missing. And it helps your guy learn some new techniques that will make sex better for you. So, it’s a really good kind of ninja female technique that invites new learning without any blame game.

Katie: Another great tip. And I’m curious, though, I think that there’s probably another side to this as well, which is that whether it be through childbirth or, for my own experience, when I had Hashimoto and was really in the thick of it. Those things can really kind of tank your libido. And I know that there’s… I’ve talked on this podcast before a lot about that testing that needs to be done and definitely getting thyroid checked, and things like that, the physical side of libido. But what about for women who don’t even have, maybe, that desire to really do that? They don’t feel like their libido is there at all.

Susan: Yeah. Libido, desire, and arousal, they’re the three interconnecting circles. I like to think about it as the three circles. It’s called a Venn diagram, technically, the three circles, and then in the middle is a little heart, where all of that connects. Libido is, you’re feeling your physical body and its interest in making love. And when you’re ill, your vitality is diminished, and your sexual vitality is the same as your life vitality. You can’t feel passion for your sex life if you don’t feel passion for your general life. So, anything that’s essentially crunching down your physical vitality is also dampening your sexual vitality. So, ground zero for you is your gut, getting your gut moving, making sure your microbiome is working, making sure you’re pooing really easily and well every day, making sure you’re well-hydrated, making sure that your vaginal microbiome is in good condition. You know, a lot of women suffer from everything from like, and sclerosis to yeast infections to bacterial vaginosis to cystitis and UTIs and all of those kinds of things. We’re very delicate, our vulva region, our urogenital complex is very delicate. And so, we have to be in good health to have a libido. Your heart is beating, your libido is a beating heart too. And then desire is, are you in good shape with your partner? Are there any withholds, anything you’re mad about? That needs to get fixed before you can want them again. If you’re mad at them, you don’t want them. And then the arousal pieces, what I was talking about, giving yourself enough time to get fully engorged and turned on, and use good lube and, you know, learn new things, and actually learn some techniques, and things like that, that’s like the care and feeding of your intimate life.

And so, really, those three things have to come together to feel good. There’s another interesting piece that is, vaginal restoration. For a lot of women, after having a child, if they’ve had a severe scar or an episiotomy, some women get fistulas or varosoles, or things like that. They’ve had wounding or damage from a bicycle or horseback riding, or they’re starting to have incontinence, or they feel vaginal laxity, lack of tone. All of these things affect the vast amount of us females. And there are many, what I would call, vaginal restoration technologies coming to the fore now that are available to us, that are not surgical in nature. They’re not vaginoplasty or labiaplasty. They are almost what you would call lunch break treatments. Using CO2 lasers and RF devices intravaginally, up inside the vagina, that are similar to what you would do if you were having Fraxel or BBL, or an IPL or any of those kinds of things on your face, any kind of like… You know, you talk about photobiomodulation a lot on your show. So, you know, you’re using essentially, light to stimulate new growth. So, the laser is light that does subcutaneous damage to your vaginal mucosa, which is hormesis, which creates new growth in the tissue and re-colleganate the tissue and tightens and tones the vaginal canal, and helps stimulate the musculature to rejuvenate the musculature tissue to help with incontinence. And then there’s also RF devices on the outer labia and inner labia that can be done for older women who are getting a lot of loss of tone. And then there’s, of course, the O-Shot. Have you ever heard about the O-Shot?

Katie: I have. And I actually had someone who does it on the podcast a while back, and I have actually tried it myself. But please explain what it is for anyone who hasn’t tried it.

Susan: Oh, great. Who did you have on? Robin?

Katie: No. I had someone from GAINSWave down in South Florida.

Susan: Oh, great. Yeah. From GAINSWave. Right. So, that’s what you do. You get a GAINSave for your husband and a P-Shot, and use a vacuum erection device to reverse his natural atrophy because as men age, their penises shrink, they atrophy. We’re shriveling up as we age. And so, to reverse the natural atrophy, especially, if there’s been any health issues, you use the GAINSWave to knock the plaque off and then you get the blood flow again. And then you use the penis pump to open and pull that tunica albuginea up so that the chambers can fill with more blood and the P-Shot does that restoration of the tissue. It’s the same with the female, only, when we shrink, we get bigger, more open. Our vaginas get lax, they lose tone. So, his penis shrinks as your vagina gets bigger. It’s the cruelest cut, Katie.

And so, the O-Shot is actually PRP, platelet rich plasma from your own blood, same as the P-Shot for him, spun in a centrifuge and then the white blood cells are taken off, and the red blood cells are taken off, and you’re left with this healing broth, this golden broth of platelet rich plasma that has cytokines and healing factors that get injected. It doesn’t hurt. You’re numbed, injected into your clitoral structure, your clitoral structure being erectile tissue, and your urethral structure, which is your G-spot… It’s not a spot. It’s an area. And it’s actually a tube of erectile tissue that surrounds your urethra canal, which is where the urine flows out. Those structures, you inject with this PRP, and it rejuvenates that tissue. It regrows new clitoral tissue because over time we get sensation loss. By the time you’re 50, you’ve probably had 20% or 30% sensation loss from when you were 30 years old. It’s just a natural part of aging. But now, we have these regenerative therapies that we can use to bring back full function to our genital system from injury, childbirth, trauma, and aging. And they work really, really well.

Katie: Yeah. That’s super fascinating. And I’ve noticed even just, in my own life, like you said, that whole body approach, all of those things have to be in line. I don’t think maybe, for a lot of people, especially, people my age, those things may not even be necessary yet. But I do know this, for sure, when I eat clean, and I get enough sunshine, and I get enough movement, and I get enough sleep, those things all line up better, and my libido is definitely stronger. So, I think that’s really sage advice to really focus on all of those factors and, like any aspects of health, not look at libido as a thing in isolation, but look at it as part of your overall health. And that makes perfect sense.

Susan: Yep. It is just part of our life force.

Katie: I also wanna circle back and go a little deeper on the trauma aspect because I really appreciate you sharing so openly about that and about the pain in your past. And I know that, statistically, a lot of women have some form of sexual trauma in their past. I do have sexual trauma from when I was in high school. And I this is a very common thing. I have many, many friends who have been through some type of sexual trauma. And I know that that also may be a very personalized thing. And you mentioned therapy and things that helps you. But are there some general steps if someone has that in their past and is maybe willing to face it, that are a good starting point?

Susan: Yes. First of all, know that trauma has happened to probably 60% of men and women. Men are definitely equally traumatized. And trauma comes in many forms. It can come from someone doing something to you or shaming you. Trauma can come from lack of knowledge and the fear that comes from not knowing. It can come from health procedures, and not even necessarily gynecological procedures, but just general health procedures, where people are touching your body in ways that you did not give them permission to. It can come from, obviously, the dating world and the shame of things that happen there, whether it’s STIs or unwanted pregnancies, or mean people, or aggressive people. There are so many ways that trauma can happen.

And what I can tell you is a couple of things. The first is that, your partner is your greatest healer, that most people heal their traumas together as a couple. The second thing that I can tell you is that trauma is not just rational and that it’s primarily in your body, not as much in your mind… It’s in your mind, it’s in your psyche. You can talk about it. You can talk therapy out of some of it, but most of it is actually caught in your enteric nervous system. So, we hold a lot of our sexual wounding in our pelvic area, in our sacral chakra, in our womb, in our tissue, all that tissue that we have in us, in our pelvic area. And it needs to actually be touched to be released. That’s why G-spot massage is one of the most common somatic healing technologies, that we use body healing technologies when our partner can give us a general massage and stroke that G area right inside the vagina, right on the roof of the vaginal canal, right up in the top of the cave. It likes pressure and it needs release.

For many women, their vagina is very rigid and hard because it’s been traumatized and it’s kind of locked down. Their pelvis is locked down or they’re having painful sex. And every time they think about sex, it hurts before they even are entered. And all of this is just trauma waiting to be loved and released into and let go. So, there are things that trigger us. We get triggered. We feel unsafe. And that’s why having a lot of these kind of loving touch modalities are very important.

I also have a really nice series on recovering from sexual trauma on my YouTube channel with Arielle Giarretto. Arielle runs an organization called fullembodiment.org. And she is, to me, the preeminent sexual trauma healer in the world today. I have very good connections. And we did a series about releasing trauma, being the partner of someone who’s been traumatized, supporting your partner through healing. What somatic healing is, somatic healing modalities, how to release enteric upset and shame. And so, you know, we can’t go into all of it in a less than an hour of a podcast, but that’s a resource that I would send you to. It’s at betterlover.com. And you can just search trauma on my YouTube channel. And you’ll find a beautiful series that we did together on healing trauma together as a couple.

I mean, we went to therapy, but it was my husband that healed me, as he began to massage me and release all the things that I had withheld and buried in my womb. Sometimes things would erupt out of me like… It would sound like the Wicked Witch in the scary cottage of “Hansel and Gretel,” where I would go…and make all these weird sounds that just erupted out of me as he was stroking that G-spot area. Or I would squeal like a hyena or I would roar like a train was coming through the room. I mean, and I would cry. He would hold me after that massage. And I would cry, and cry, and release, and release. But he just held me in his safe masculine container. And he just let me let all that go. And as I let all that go, then I began to feel pleasure. And that was really what allowed me to begin to have those orgasms from intercourse because now I’d lost all that armoring that I’d had, all that emotional armoring that had shut me down, and locked me down, and I released it all. And I began to release and release, and then I could connect with them. And when we made love, I didn’t dissociate. I didn’t leave my body. He’s kept me, “Look me in the eyes, baby, I’m right here. Everything’s okay, I’ve got you. Do you need me to stop? Do you need me to slow down? Let’s take a break.” And he just healed me from all of the injustices that had happened to me in my lifetime.

And that’s how I got from shut down, about to lose my marriage, to lose my wonderful husband and to ruin my daughter’s life, and my life, and to be alone, to start over, and to not have that happen, and to go on, to heal, and to go into the upward pleasure spiral where lovemaking just got better and better. And we so changed that we wanted to bring this change to other people. We wanted to make all this information available to everyone in the world who could find us. That’s the beauty of the internet. I mean, I’m not able to put these things on Facebook because Facebook, they’re just, like, nothing about sexuality. Even sexual health, no, no, no, nothing, nothing, nothing. It’s actually hard to find this information. But YouTube luckily lets me keep a channel that I can teach people things. And my sexual vitality summit is available to people for free because the healing is out there. The knowledge is around. And I just really appreciate you giving me the time to come on to “Wellness Mama” and touch the people in your world with the possibility of healing, and connection, and pleasure.

Katie: I’ll make sure we find those links as well and put them in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. So, if you are driving or exercising, don’t worry about trying to write that down or keep it in your phone. Those will all be at wellnessmama.fm, so you can find Susan more. Before we wrap up, there’s another topic that is just timely for me right now as I’m under a month away from having a teenager myself is just the thought of how do we hopefully teach our children a healthy and positive attitude when it comes to sex? Because I think a lot of people… Like, I know I went into marriage with a lot of interesting attitudes about sex, but in including ones I had to work through about all the early childhood ones about sex being bad. That was taught, you know, when you’re young and you’re not supposed to be quite having sex yet. Like, I had to work through that at marriage, once sex was wonderful and good. But do you have any tips, especially, for the moms listening, and especially for our daughters of how we can raise them with a healthy, and realistic, and wonderful attitude towards sex and toward their bodies?

Susan: Yes. And thank you so much for asking about that. I actually have quite a bit of knowledge and experience in how to talk to our children about sex. And just to give you some kind of highlights about the approach. Yeah. We are traumatized by people scaring us about sex, “Ooh, don’t get near any semen, it’s bad for you. You’ll get pregnant,” and you know, “You’re gonna get STIs and it’s dangerous.” Our heads are filled with all these negative things. And then we don’t have names for our genitals and we’re not taught our anatomy and, you know, everything is just the negative, negative, negative. And so, we have to teach ourselves.

So, the one thing I’ll tell you is that, forgive your parents for not teaching you. They didn’t have the tools. It wasn’t the time. And when they tried to, if they tried to, you probably gave them a big eye-roll, and it was hard for you to talk to them about it. So, forgive them and move on, and know that it’s actually your responsibility, just like personal growth is your responsibility, just like continuing to always work on your health and making sure you are saving money and, you know, you’re getting your exercise and eating your vegetables. Your job is to open and expand your sexual potential yourself. It’s not your parent’s job, so let that go. Because what I find is people hold a lot of bitterness about that with their parents. And that’s unnecessary, so forgive your parents.

The second thing is, children wanna know very early on what the anatomical parts are between boys and girls. And so, it’s very nice to tell them about, “This is called your vulva. These are your labia. You have inner and outer labia. You have something called a vaginal canal. You have something called a clitoral structure. A boy has a penis. He has testicles. They’re in a sack called a scrotum. You know, he has something inside called a prostate. There are lots of interesting parts, but we all started out the same. We all started in the womb as little girls, but then about 8 to 16 weeks during gestation, half of us became boys, girls have innies and boys have outies. They fit together to make a baby.” What you do is you start with the simple things,”This is called your vulva. You have different parts. Boys is called a penis. He has different parts.” And then you layer in extra pieces, “And then here’s how babies are made. The penis goes inside the vagina and something called semen comes out that has sperm inside it, that fertilize a little egg inside the girl, that grows inside, her belly gets big, it comes out her vagina, and that’s how you get a baby.” Right.

So, you teach them those kinds of things. And then later you talk about, “Sex is a beautiful thing between adults. It’s something that you share. It can be a really sweet emotional connection. It’s like your best friend with benefits.” So, you know, you start talking about the emotional aspects. And then you start saying, “You always wanna honor that you should only do what you wanna do. You’re in charge of your own sex life. You never do anything you don’t wanna do. If someone’s pressuring you, here’s what you do, you call me or you leave immediately. No one owns your body, but you.” You do the body safety pieces. And then as they start to get a little older, you say, “There are some things you have to watch out for in sex. You wanna be careful not to get pregnant. When you’re ready, we’ll talk about contraceptives. I recommend non-hormonal contraceptives. I’ll teach you all about that when we’re ready. And we’ll also talk about safe sex and setting your boundaries, and having agreements about what you’re willing to do and what you’re not willing to do. And I want you to feel comfortable talking about sex. And then, you know, you go into more and more details about all these things. And what I find is that, over the years, if what you do is you just drip, drip, drip, you know that…

What’s that phrase about how the river always finds its way? It goes under, it goes around, it goes over, drips, drips, drips to find its way to the ocean, that’s what you’re doing with your child. You’re taking them on a journey, one drop at a time, so that… Their sexuality isn’t something where you sit down and have the talk, you’ve just always been having those conversations with them. You’re just layering knowledge. And then you also get some good books and you put those books in your family library, and you say, “I bought some books about human sexuality. There is a resource for you. Anytime that you’re curious, you can always ask me, but you can always refer to books as well. And they’re there when you’re ready.” And then the kids can go take them and look at them when they’re ready, when they have the curiosity in the knowledge. So, I think the combination of always layering in more info…

And when your kids are teenagers, when you’re driving them someplace, just drop one little thing, and then be done. Let it soak in for them and don’t expect to have a conversation about it. Just give them a little interesting fact, without them having to talk to you back about it. So, it’s not a two-way conversation unless they wanna make it that way. That’s also good advice for how you talk to teenagers who are resistant to everything you say because that’s their natural process of individuation. It has nothing to do with you. That’s how the individuate. So they have to. They’re compelled biologically to negate what whatever you say. That’s just them growing up, so you can’t take it personally. So, those are some of my little tips and techniques about that.

Katie: Those are great. And I can’t believe our time has already flown by so quickly. But a couple of quick things I love to ask at the end, the first, is there a book or books that have really impacted your life. If so, what they are and why?

Susan: I would highly recommend the “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal” by Sherry Winston. Sherry is one of my mentors. And she talks a lot about that piece that I want all women to know more, which is how we experience arousal as different than the masculine, the pussycats versus the puppy dogs. And learning about that, a “Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal” by Sherry Winston is an amazing book.

Katie: I will make sure that is linked in the show notes as well. And any parting advice you wanna leave to all the women listening today?

Susan: Yes. Demand the time that you need and the sensation that your body craves in the moment when you have connection with your partner. Stop doing what you think you’re supposed to do and listen to your body, and clue your partner in about what she needs and honor your Yoni.

Katie: Awesome. And Susan, you mentioned quite a few of your resources, but I’ll make sure those are all again linked in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. So, anyone listening, you guys can find Susan, and continue to learn from her. But thank you so much for being here today and sharing your story so vulnerably and openly, and sharing what you’ve learned with us today.

Susan: Thanks, Katie. My pleasure.

Katie: And thanks as always to all of you for listening and for sharing your valuable asset, your time, with both of us. We’re so grateful that you did. And I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/susan-bratton/

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estefikrol · 6 years

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Short Story 03

-Inspired on true events-

Los Angeles, California.

And the police never came. The girls were scared to death at first, but cried for laughter the minute they knew what really happened.

It was April, season were California becomes the spotlight for music lovers. Where influencers, instagramers and any other type of millennial celebrity chooses their best hippie-chic outfit to go take selfies in Coachella and dance to the most mainstream music. A time to inhale cheerful vibes, when the summer gives it’s firsts steps making the weather perfect to enjoy an exciting three day festival. By that time, while playing some local classics like The Doors, these two argentinian girls started their adventurous road trip through the routes of the West Coast. Since then, a bunch of exquisite moments come into being. As a friend once said:

“In the city of L.A In the city of good ol' Watts In the city, the city of Compton We keep it rockin”, California Love by 2pac.

But not all that glitters is gold... after days of having fun, drinking wine and attend to epic hip hop gigs, their last night in Los Angeles burst with a series of frightening unfortunate events.

Let’s start from the beginning of the end. The story is about two mid-twenties girls, who came from a land far, far away - well not that far, I meant to be poetic but Buenos Aires is just a couple of hours flight- to enjoy the dreamy city of Los Angeles. They rented an Airbnb in Fairfax District, located a few blocks from The Grove shopping mall, a pretty cool area actually. It was a big two bedroom apartment, luminous with big windows in the living room and an impeccable nice view. They were supposed to stay there until they flew back home. On saturday morning, they woke up early to seas the day, they had plans to spend some golden hours wandering around the outstanding Malibu beaches. Minutes before taking off, without another apparent reason more than a hunch, one of them took her phone to check the emails and saw a message from the apartment owner. It went something like this: “Girls, the cleaning lady is waiting for you to go so as to organize the apartment for our next guests. Let me know when you leave the keys on the front door. Thanks!”. When she read it, her face went pale and immediately took her iPhone calendar to check the dates. Her eyes wide opened as realizing she and her friend were completely wrong since it was scheduled to leave the flat that day. And they did it in a blitz.

No hesitations, they packed her stuff in a rush and left. Wherever they put foot a bad mood cloud could be seen from miles, angry with no other than themselves and carrying their entire lives in their bags, they went to have a matcha latte at Whole Foods. They couldn't even speak, not because they were mad at each other but due to the feeling of stupidity that surpassed them. While having mini pretzels they found a super nice apartment in an online renting web. It was located in the Beverlywood neighborhood next to Beverly Hills, it was kind of suspiciously cheap for the cool photos shown. With haste and without laps, after a simple click they had a place to spend the night.

Half an hour later they arrived to the direction given, still curiously nobody was there. The sun was burning the girls’ white skins during some eternal minutes as they waited for the owner to show. Suddenly, a peculiar woman in a black long dress, with suspicaz look in her eyes, appeared walking towards the place. Once next to the girls, while trying to open the building door, slowly turned her head towards them and asked:

Resting bitch-face lady: “Who are you waiting for?”

The brunette girl: “The apartment owner”

Resting bitch-face lady: “Why? are you moving here?”

The blonde girl: “No, we are staying just for the night”

Abysmal resting bitch-face lady: “Airbnb is prohibited here. You are not staying, I’m calling the police”, she added as she crossed the door and slammed it in their faces.

They were stunned, speechless, without knowing what to think more than that something very strange was going on. The street was empty, so empty that the girls could listen loudly to their own anxious heavy breathings. Okay, not that empty, they saw a man who walked twice in the same block and watched them every time he passed by. After two or three deep sighs, when about to leave, a mid thirties man came from around the corner calling her names. Looked like a regular guy, with kind of geeky vibes and weird from the top to the bottom beige clothing.

Nerd looking guy: “Hi, sorry for the delay”

-Received no answer from the other side-

Nerd looking guy: “I gave you the wrong address, i’m so sorry for that too. The apartment is a few blocks from here, we can walk… let me help you with the baggage”.

The argentinians with the worst and coldest look: “You gave us the wrong address? How come!? Uhmm That’s weird”.

He gave a shitty explanation on how the community manager working for them got it all wrong and messed up with the direction. The girls did not believe it so easily, but they were so tired that agreed to go with him, leaving the situation to God’s will.

Within a 5 minute walk, not a soul in the streets, they arrived to a small building. The guy who couldn’t stop talking about unimportant stuff, lead the girls in to their apartment. Detail by detail he explained every little thing about the place. No words heard from them, their attention quickly dispersed wishing for him to finally stop talking. A while later he miraculously ended and after exchanging phone numbers, for the relief of the girls, he finally left. To make the situation more weird, while unpacking, they saw labels in all the furniture like if they were recently bought, like if no one would’ve ever step foot in the place... A lot of terrible things crossed their minds, what if this place did not existed before? Is not an Airbnb at all? Just a place dressed up like a sweet home but meant to kidnap innocent tourists?. “Haha that’s too much”, said one of the girls laughing. Even though knowing they were maybe embellishing the situation, genuinely dramatic, they did not want to stay much longer and went off to the beach with one song on repeat in their minds:

"All I am is a man

I want the world in my hands

I hate the beach

But I stand in California with my toes in the sand", Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood.

It was too late then, so instead of going to Malibú, they spent a not so chilling time in Santa Mónica. The peer was disappointing, dirty and invaded with cheesy tourists carrying their big cameras with cheap lenses. What made it worst, they saw how a man was having heavy convulsions on the floor, yelling the names of dead historic hip hop artists (Yeah, WTF). And what did make it even worse, there was a man standing like a statue staring at this ‘crazy’ screaming dude, and who he was you may wonder? The same who passed by a couple of times, watching them back in Beverlywood. Gave them the creeps!

They got back around 7pm, the sun was about to vanish when one of the girls said: “I need red wine, a whole bottle”... And that’s how the second part of the thrilling adventure begun. Once again, the neighborhood was weirdly empty, block by block everything seemed to be dead and that desired red was nowhere to find. A whole hour of intensely and almost desperately searching passed as quickly as the blink of an eye. Whilst the alcohol detectives were in duty, a glorious super small and almost hidden liquor store appeared. They got the wine, but spoiler alert: the happy beam in their faces did not last long.

Both ran out of battery, no phones meant no maps… no maps meant: “How the hell are we going to find our way back to the apartment?”. One of the girls shook her head and said: “Don´t worry, it’s easy, I think I remember”. The sun came down completely as they walked in circles for half an hour. How to describe the desperation that was growing inside of them, like a fire in the stomach mixed with deep cold sweat rolling down the neck, symptoms that combined nervousness and fear. But please, stop crying your heart out, the solution was about to come. For second time, the sky opened and a spotlight went down to show them the glorious solution: A Starbucks Coffee to charge their iPhones. Of course, due to the time, it was closing its doors. Like cry babies they asked for the biggest and life savior favor, simply to open the door and give them some energy. And so it happened. “Thank you super handsome Thor for showing us the path”, they prayed. The phone turned on and the route magically showed up.

Finally they arrived, breathless, with the feeling of being followed, but safe and sound. Although this sounded mega exhausting, just wait to read what happened next.

Saturday, around 9pm, the girls started packing the luggage as they were leaving early in the morning. Tired? Nah… They were definitely going out, nothing could ruined their last night in the city of angels. They had plans to meet up with some local friends at the indie-cool club named Tenants of the Trees at around 11pm. Also, above important, it was their last dinner, what undoubtedly did they ordered? To be faithful to all the movies they ever saw in their lives, they called Domino’s Pizza.

Lana del Rey as background music, chilling vibes all over the place and a wine bottle waiting to be opened… one of the girls went to take a bath while the other was waiting for the double cheese non spicy pizza to come. As you can expect, this nice atmosphere did not last long, one more setback was around the corner. When the girl realized they had no corkscrews, she sighed annoyingly, took her phone and write to the owner asking if there was any bottle opener in the place, having no answer at all. She was determined to drink that damned red, so, she put some blue jeans on and went down the hallway to knock door by door, no matter what she was going to find or who was going to run into. It was a long dark hallway, it was impossible not to think of films like The Shining, for example. One, two, even three doors and nothing, there was cemetery silence. She kind of panicked a little because clearly there was nobody in the entire floor, they were all alone in a place they did not know, in a dim neighborhood and in an apartment that looked pretty much like taken out from The Truman Show. Run baby run, after having all that thoughts invading her head she looked around and rushed faster than ever.

When she got to the apartment, she locked the door and tried to shake off that odd sensation left in her body. By that moment, the doorbell rang so loud that made her jumped almost half a meter. "Domino's Pizza", a voice intoned. That simple phrase was like music to her ears, hunger won any other feeling she could had. That's how the hungry lady took the keys and ran downstairs. The main hall had a big glass door through from you could see the street, so the minute she got there, saw there was no pizza man at all. "Maybe he's in a car outside", naively said to herself. Once again, the goddamn hungry girl, went out alone to the street hoping to find that die for fast food. Oh boy! She was all alone again but this time outside in the darkness without her phone. She heard a crunchy noise in the corner, a couple of meters away, automatically she turned to see who or what it was. What do you think? Noup, not the delivery guy, it was the creepy guy again! The one that mysteriously appeared everywhere that day. He was in his middle 50s, had white hair, pale face, was a little chubby and looked like a Yeezy fan -Kanye West's clothing brand- because all of his clothes were ripped. Or maybe he was a homeless, a crackhead, something totally common to strike in L.A. Now she was truly scared, as he passed through her, she intended not to move or even breath. Unfortunately, the freakish stopped walking and stayed in her flat, to fan the flames, he had a bunch of keys in his hand with which he tried one by one to open the door. A tear rolled over the girl's cheek, over dazed she saw death. What to do? Well, she decided to act like nothing happened planning to get in to the place and not let him enter. Once she gave a step, the man put his gaze on her and asked with a peculiar and friendly voice: "Hi lady, do you live here?". The chat went something like this…

Scared girl: "No, I'm just waiting for my boyfriend". With deep fear in the tone she continued "You might know him, he goes by the name Harry Styles". (Lol just kidding, the Harry part did not happen).

Creepy guy: "Oh, cuz I'm looking for two friends… you maybe saw them. They are argentinians...Are you one of them?"

Super mega scared girl: (Swallows) "What? No, uhmm I'm from here, I definitely don't know what you are talking about and really, sir, I can't help you".

Even creepier guy: "Okay, they are in the third floor, apartment E, can you let me in? I need to get in".

WTF he knew exactly were they were staying, her mind went blank and had no words to say more than speak up her last wish. What would that be? Perhaps, let her eat the last pizza. Oh wait! Where was the pizza guy? Was even real that he came? Wondrously in that exact moment, he came into view, he was walking from inside the building. The girl's head almost exploded in a thousand pieces, how could that be possible. She approached the door, went pretty close to it so the second the delivery boy opened it she could enter speedy without letting the other one in. Clap, clap, clap, her plan succeed. She did not let the man in but did not let the pizza guy leave either. "Excuse me I have to go", Domino's said. "No please, that man outside is creeping the hell out of me, stay while I go for my phone and call the police", she begged. "Sorry I can’t, I have to deliver these pizzas and go home", not a bit kindly he replied. "Okay go, but give my pizza first", she ordered while he assured he had already delivered her stupid pizza. She grabbed the door and slammed it as hard as she could in the disturbing guy's nose, as he yelled to let him in with his fist hitting the glass.

An intense noise came about when the man broke the door, little sharp pieces spread all over like confetti in a piñata. Suspense classical music was playing from who knows where. She was already in the elevator, its door was about to close when a knife appeared to stop it with the intention of not letting it go. She closed her green eyes and counted to three. Once opened, the man was not there, the music was not on and the elevator was clear. She imagined the scene so vividly that genuinely thought it was real.

The elevator arrived to the third floor -Ding- it went as it swished opened. She ran into the apartment, locked the door and exclaimed: “Call 911!”. The place looked like a murder scene, her friend struggled to open the wine bottle hitting it from the bottom with a Nike sneaker. It worked yet not as expected, the cork came out yeah, but a huge amount of the liquid fell on the carpet leaving a stain that hinted like a bloodbath on the floor. On the top of everything, Domino’s Pizza was served on the table. Everything was so fucked up that she didn’t even dare to ask how on earth the delivery entered the building and went upstairs in a matter of seconds, without running into her. Total and completely mind blown. However, she focused on the actual problem: “There’s a guy, the one we saw a couple of times today, in the door asking for us… he wants to get in, he wants to kill us or rob or rape us. IDK call the police right now”, desperately cried. She could not finished talking when the doorbell started ringing incessantly. Deeply frightened, they looked at each other and screamed loudly. They knew they were alone in the entire place, so nobody would listen their crave for help. While the bell went on ringing, they called the police. “911 what’s your emergency”, the operator cinematographically went whilst her friend was thinking how to tell the story. “Just tell them there’s a crazy person threatening our lives”, the girl yelled to her friend, who did it with a trembling voice. Unluckily they hung up on them, twice in a row. Could this be worst? Definitely. The bell stopped, letting a deep uncomfortable silence posses the room. Suddenly footsteps and other messed up noises came from outside, like if the psycho was trying to get in by reaching the window. Still in shock, after shutting the curtains, with a knife in one hand they sat down on the floor to take another shot in calling the police. Can you believe they never answer nor came? Sadly astonishing.

“Let's think straight, maybe is your phone that’s not working so let’s make the call from mine. Or I can tell Ben (a local friend) to send help!”, she whispered. “Yeah but quiet please”, the blond one replied while nodding his head. So she silently crawled to the other room, unplugged the phone and when the screen went bright she saw a million messages coming from the apartment owner.

9:21 pm: “Hi, sorry we don’t have a corkscrew. Do you need it right now?”

9:35 pm: “Hey, do you still need it?”

9:40 pm: “Stay alert, I’m sending you one”.

9:50 pm: “Heeeeeey. Alfred is at the door, he has the corkscrew. Can you open him?”

9:51 pm: “Don’t worry, he is my partner… Are you in the apartment right now?”

10:21pm: “We don’t need it anymore, we went out for dinner… please tell him to leave”, the girl wrote after taking a relief breath.

She grabbed her head and called her friend, who went desperately running to see what was going on. Without any sound coming out from her mouth, she showed the messages and asked her if they should believe all this. Everything was so weird, the guy looked so strange… Why did they run into him several times that day? Why he did not say he had a corkscrew? Or even better question, why he did not have it when the girl saw him?

Despite the many ends to tie, they both calmed down and decided to ‘believe’ the owner, maybe they had no other choice, no friends or family close, no police to the rescue.

"Down on the West Coast they got a sayin. If you're not drinkin' then you're not playin', West Coast - Lana del Rey. Ergo, the only thing left to do, the only reasonable choice was to drink that problematic wine till it was over, eat the cold pizza, cried for laughter and go out till dawn. And so it be!

They left the next morning, joking about the mistaken situation, rejoicing at the great tragi-comic anecdote they could now tell everyone back home.

A week later, among a beautiful stormy grey morning in Buenos Aires, one of the girls was reading an online magazine when an article headline captured her attention. She numbed, as she took her hand to her mouth with surprise, the toast she was eating fell down on the side fully loaded of raspberry jam, Murphy's law of course. “Los Angeles, California: Two men arrested for robbery, sexual abuse and fraud”, followed by a picture of two terrifying men. Yes, of course, one was whom rented them the place and the other, the stalker.

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