#i ordered myself one im so sleepy always and woke up last night from a nightmare mid panic attack

[roundclowns]

Category 6 autistic sibling event going on in the family group chat as we all get hyped about weighted blankets

[shytiff]

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know). 

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

[itsjusta]

March 1. (Mon)

my damgos were idiooots i had 2!!!! grrrr issa da first one was so sad and scary doe cos there were 3 of us in a room. it was me, mom, and a friend but idk who doeee and naa nisulod nga gunman tas gipusil niya sila duha and si mommy doe kay critical and grabe ang awas sa dugo so ako gihiktan sa cloth pero grabe na ako hilak doeee :(( and gitawagan nako si daddy doe but wala sya nituo iya rako pasagdan huhu and gitawagan tka doeee tas nianhi ka but u didnt help doeee u just left doe :((( i was so hurt doeee issa i felt betrayed cos wa gyd mo nitabang and mommy was dying doe :(( tas atong nakasakay nami sa tricycle going to hospital issa na see pa gyd tka sa dalan and gitawag tka but nag meet up man diay mo saimo uyab wth doeee i just cried a lot doe i was so scared na mamatay si mommy and i was alone HUHU and nakamata ko doeee and naa na gyd tears sako eyes :((( naka cry jd ko in real life huhu dat was so scary and so sakit doe!!!

da 2nd damgo also an idiot doeee cos kaslon na daw ko doe but di gyd ko gusto cos young paman kooo but daghan politicians nangadto doe and daghan gyd people naa pa gani ka hahha idk who’s my groom doeee but before ko nisulod sa church kay nang hangyo ko sko friend nga itakas ko doe so gikuha namo car ni Unabia and we drove away doeee HAHAHHA but then i got konsensya doeee luoy au mga people so ana ko balik nalang mi but i will explain na di gyd ko magpakasal doeee!!!! issa gi chat pa gani tka ato dayon doe i informed u nga mubalik ko aish but when we went back issa ang groom napd nawala doeee hahahah idiooot!!!

dis was a kapoy day doeee nag do ko smol acads lang then nag sleep lang and watch2 kdrama and tv heheheh i also realized na 9 months nata bulag omg?!?! so fast ang panahooon 🥺

March 2 (Tues)

issa an okay daaay langgg doeee issa 8 kapin ko kamata so early doeee aish so i hd iced coffee chour!!! issa nag acads pd ko hehe also nag gmeet mi ni claire for our midterms doeee and issa ordered mcflurry and fries yummy doe hehehe just watched tv with mom lang dayon after doee!! nag play pd ko codm with friends but kadjot lang 3 games laaang hehe and balik lang dayon ko room mom doeee tambay lang ko while watch sya tv heheh

March 3 (Wed)

issa an okay day lang alsooo doeee but dugay au time now!! issa after lunch i wanted to sleep doeee but so igang in my room and naa pajd ga videoke sa silingan and my mind also active aissshhh 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa watch nalang ko movie and then nag do midterms with claire doeee hehe

issa amo midterms doeee kay murag mag interview mi about samo personal problems jd doeee shy ko tell kay claire sako problems like sa family doeee and kato self harm aishhh ikaw ra baya nakabalo ato doeee :((( but its okay aishhh for da grades and issa klarye raman pd doeee i can also trust dat idiot heheh i also talked about our break up doe naka cry ko laytch uy!!! hahahah

when mommy arrived issa watch pd ko rv saiya room doeee

also i’m like an idiot doeee gi mute baya tka sa ig but sge ko adto saimo profile to see if naa ka story?!?! and maybe if naa dayon ma hurt dayon ko HAHAHHA issa so tiring to be an idiot 🤦🏻‍♀️

March 4 (Thurs)

i dont like this day doeee heavy ako heart since pag wake up and cry ko a looot and overthink ko a looottt 😔 just an extra hard daaaay today!!!! so hard to pugong the tears doeee 🥺🥺 (wrote dis before u sent pa dat msg doeee omg very emotional day gyd!!!)

issa sayo ko ka sleep gahapon doeee mga 11 hehe but aish 10 pa nag start naman ko sleep doe cos sleepy nako and bored na au ko doeee sleep nalang ko but my mind so activeeee many ko think nga sad tots issa idiot mind making me cry a litol!! hahah issa 11 na nuon ko ka sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ issa wake up pd ko 7 kay naa ko class doeee issa not nice ako sleep uy issa ga damgo2 ko doeee and my latest damgo was classmate ta doe and di ka ga bali2 saako like imo ko gina avoid doeee issa idiooot bahala ka uy!!!! making me not feel good huh!!!! even when i woke up issa not ko feel good bcos of dat hmppp issa heavy ako heart pag wake up today!!!

issa ordered pancake and iced coffee from mcdo doeee palibre ko mo ako gi eat after class then nag do dayon ko isa ka activity heheh issa mga 10 am dayon nag walking mi sa dogs outside doeee kami pretprot and babas but mga 5 mins lang cos init!!!

issa cried pa more in the afternoon doeee issa mag nap unta ko but aisshhh my mind is thinking of a lot of things doeee :((( i feel like a lot will change doe and changes scare me doeee :(( i feel like u dont want to talk na doeee cos idk issa lahi imo vibes nooow murag feel nako gaka pugos rakag reply hahahaha and it makes me cry cos cutting off commu is going to be a big change gyd but again, i know nga if the time comes, i will have to accept man gyd and i know that time will come doeee but even if i know nga muabot doe kay its so sakit gihapon doe and its so scary :((( das why thinking about it doe just makes me cry hahah and aishhh i feel jd doe dat youre tired of talking to me HAHAHHA i even went to mom’s room doe para di nako cry but cry man gyapon ko uyyyy idiot

u know i’ve accepted najd doe nga di gyd ma return ako love and effort saimo but sometimes issa it just hurts so much doeee to not receive it back and days like these i ask for strength jd doe nga makaya nako ang kasakit 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (dis was before pa u told me to cut off doe omg issa strong gut feeling jd)

anddd yun na nga issa nag ask najd diay ka mag cut off and aisshhh it was scary gyd doe and sakit but no choice :(((( it’s for the best gyd sguro doeee cos maybe i’ll get in trouble and maybe mag away pd mo doe ion want u to be sad doeee if u get away :((( u know gyd na i will always kaya everything basta its for ur happiness doe 🥺🥺 i wish u only the best doeee even if kailangan mulayo ko saimoha doeee hehehe thank you for calling me!!!!! don’t miss me too much ok!!! bleh!!

if u feel overwhelmed na gyd with acads u can chat me ok!!!! and if u want to learn to edit vids doeee inshot is a good app heheh

March 5 (Fri)

issa woke up before 9 doeee idk why nga 1 naman unta ko ka sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️ grabe kahubag ako eyes doeeee so idiot huhu issa i saw pd irian’s tiktok when i woke up doeee cos i went man to ur profile issa u look good and happy together doe 🥺🥺 you guys are bagay doeee and i like seeing you laugh in the vids doeee issa makes me happy na inana ka ka happy 🥺🥺 i want u to be happy lang uyyy no no sad!! i pugong na not to cry doeee cos i cried a lot na kaayo gabii and my eyes so big naaaa but writing dis issa makes me cry a litol hahahha issa when i see raba stuff lyk dat dugay kaayooo mawala sako mind doeee unhealthy mind mani but aish im practicing gyd not to think about the stuff i see about u guys 💆🏻‍♀️

anywaaay today is day 1!!! ahhahah char 🥺🥺 im scared doe but idk alsoooo im just really thinking na its needed doe 🥺 im doing this for you gyddd doe cos i want u to have a happier relationship doe issa u know i would sacrifice a lot for ur happiness heheh i will also do this for myself doeee i will try not cry a lot and miss u alooot ok but i think gonna be hard esp the first weeks doeee so dont kasaba me if i cry a lot ok!!! :(((( u know i cry easily hmpppp

alsooo doeee my new tiktok is: displaylangsatiktok.a

u cant follow gyd me diay doeee its ok ako nalang gi public ang vids doeee im shy hahah but para ma see nimo doeee and unfollow nalang pd tkaaaa para not sya maka see sa ako profile okayyy but idk doe im shy man uy maybe ako ra i friends again issa di ka maka see aishhh bleh

i had iced coffee at 9:30 am doeee hehe i divided one medium iced coffee sa mcdo into 3 para mulast sya 3 mornings cos u know i palpitate if i drink a lot of coffee doeee hehhe at lunch time we went to laguidingan doe kami mom and daaad hehe we uban pretprot and babas kay luoy man pretty if sya lang alone 🤦🏻‍♀️ issa chivas doe sge pangaway sa mga dogs outside nya mga big raba jd doe and many pa gyd sila but isog au da smol dog!!!

issa i’m justi doing things that help me pass timeee doeee now issa nag draw2 ko kadjot doeee hahah and watch movie alsooo i just have to get used to this again doeee whenever i get the urge to cry doe i tell myself no no nooo huhu but idk if i can hold dis doee later if mag sleep nako

update: 9:58 and i cannot hold it na doeee cry na gyd ko cos i can see that u really love her doeee and aish sana ol 🥺🥺 u r a great person doe and she’s blessed to have youuu 🥺 and im so sorry if i bother you doeee :(

dis my last weekly update na okaaay i will do an everyday diary naaa so dat u will always be updateeed 🥺 maybe around 9-10pm every night ko post okaaay heheh

[disloopy]

the heart is deceiving pt 4

BLOO

genre: angst, fluff, smut

word count: 1.7k

coming back to this fic after monthsss made me realize how shit and cringe it is and oh my god, you all deserve much better writing. yuck. HOWEVER, i will keep posting it until it's finished ( since id already written the whole thing ) because i do kind of like the ending sooo

pls stay w me cause im working on a sik k friends to lovers au and i know it's gonna be way better than whatever the hell this is...

clubbing really takes a toll on you, physically and mentally. i didn't even drink but i managed to have a headache by the night. i stumbled through the crowd, approaching the counter and slumping down in the seat. the bartender asked if i needed anything and i only ordered some water. she left to get it. 

my phone buzzed with a text from my dad, saying he might not be home tonight because of work. "oooh, that's exciting," said daniel, glancing at the text and sliding into the seat next to mine. he asked the bartender for something that sounded pretty intense and i gulped down my water.

"live a little," daniel urged, offering me the dark liquid but i shook my head. "ugh, you're so annoying and uptight." i rolled my eyes.

"thanks. that's sweet."

"kiss me."

"no."

"why?" daniel asked, pouting. 

"cause you're drunk as fuck and i hate the taste," i told him, trying to walk away but daniel grabbed my hand, turning me around. i pulled my arm away from him with a frown. "will you stop following me around like a lost puppy?" 

"i get worried when you're not with me." 

"yeah, i know," i said, reaching for my phone and showing it him. "you probably can't read but you know what says? 17 missed calls and 51 unread messages..." daniel grinned sheepishly but i wasn't finding it funny. "i was right next to you, daniel... i get that's it kinda dark in here but there's no way you could have missed me." 

daniel stuck out his bottom lip. "i just didn't want you to get lost, that's all. there's lots of creepy dudes here, they'll pick up anything with boobs." i groaned.

"stop. this isn't funny, it's an obsession and i don't like it." 

i tried to leave again and again daniel tried to pull me back but this time jojo got in between us, noticing the tension. "what the hell is going on here?" she asked, her voice trembling like she had just finished crying. i looked at her. her eyeliner was slightly smudged which gave me the answer right away.

"she won't let me love her," daniel whined.

"you only love me when you're drunk," i murmured and then jojo convinced daniel to go away for little while which he finally complied. the two of us sat on the curb outside the club, just on the sidewalk where we could still here the muffled sound of the music inside.

"what's wrong?" i asked her. she's usually the one comforting me and giving advice, so it was strange to be switching roles.

"boys are so complicated," she answered, blowing a puff of smoke into the dark of the night. "were you the one who gave my number to jinyoung?"

i nodded. "i'm sorry if i wasn't supposed to... i thought he was cute and you're cute and things could maybe..."

"it's not that," said jojo, taking a swig of the bottle she was holding. "did you know he loves me? he told me that."

"i just assumed..." i shrugged. jojo buried her face in her hands and i furrowed my brows. "jojo... you don't have to cry about it. you can choose the man you like... it doesn't have to be either." 

she sniffed, looking up and wiping her tears. "i know... i just feel so bad. i just like to fuck around and stuff but what if i'm actually catching feelings? nick called me babe.... what's it like to be in a relationship?"

i chuckled. "it's not all that... trust me, i feel like i'm not even in a proper one." we both laughed a little and the air felt lighter. "what are you going to do?"

jojo shrugged. "what i always do... nothing. besides i'm receiving clout from hanging out with these rappers so," she laughed and the smell of cigarettes just filled my nostrils. "why do i have to be so hot that boys are just tripping over themselves for me?" we talked for a little bit about how boys suck but also about which ones we'd smash because they can be fine sometimes too.

"it's fun when you're around," jojo told me with a smile. "daniel really bought out the wild side of you." i nodded and jojo leaned over, pressing her chapped lips against mine for a fleeting second before pulling away. 

"heyyyy, is it too late for a show?" daniel chuckled, walking over to us. "oh come on, keep going, don't mind me." 

"you're disgusting," jojo said, shaking her head and shoving him as he tried to put his arm around both of our shoulders. 

"i gotta go home anyway," i informed the both of them. "my head hurts and we got school... i haven't finished homework yet." 

"good luck with that," said jojo, brushing off her jeans and walking back into the club after ruffling me and daniel's hair. 

daniel rested his head on my shoulder. "i can drop you home." i sighed.

"you're too drunk to drive."

"we can test our limits." 

i ended up driving myself home in daniel's car while he blasted music and sang the lyrics out loud. then, i let him inside my house even though i told myself i wouldn't when we first got into the car. it was my foolish self who held his hand all the way to my bedroom and lied in bed with him until we let our bodies do the talking and our sounds created music in the silence of the night. i slept knowing he was right beside me, his arms wrapped around my waist, his bare chest slowly rising and falling to the rhythm of his  beating heart. he was safe and i was safe and we were each other's for the night.

***

"honey, are you decent, can i come in?" dad's knocking the door woke me up with a start. i quickly sat upright and shook daniel awake who just groaned. 

"um yeah, one second." i pushed him off the bed and his eyes shot open, about to complain but i hushed him, ushering him to get under the mattress which he obeyed. "come in!"

dad opened the door and i tried not to look nervous at all. "sorry i wasn't here last night." i didn't reply cause it was usual. "but i made breakfast for you and i wanted to tell you to have a good sunday before i leave to run some errands."

i smiled. that was the first time he'd said something like that. "okay daddy, i love you."

"i love you too baby."

when dad finally left, i let daniel come out of hiding. he clutched his head and i had to get him some tylenol and water before i let him eat breakfast with me. "did something happen last night?" he asked, eagerly digging into the pancakes. "cause you never allow me in your room and i just woke up in your bed."

i shrugged with a sly smile. "oops?" 

"well, whatever it was, i'm sure it was good."

"do you not remember anything?"

daniel shook his head. "nope." good, i thought, breathing out a sigh of relief. i was a major bitch to him last night - understandably. but i hoped it was something of the past that wouldn't ruin anything.

"i wish i could stay with you but i have to go to the studio today," daniel informed me while putting his clothes on. "jinyoung's like... totally diligent and he may be my friend but he's also my manager so." 

i giggled. "yeah, i get it." i handed him a water bottle to drink on the way back and he kissed my lips very gently. "i'll miss you."

"you can see me tonight. there's another party, i can pick you up."

"no, i have homework to do today."

"righttt, you're still in school." daniel chuckled, pulling his shoes on. "sexy schoolgirl." i rolled my eyes and kissed him once again at the doorway. i lowkey didn't want him to leave because i spent most of my weekend with him already and didn't want to be alone again.

"i'll visit you tonight... at your window." 

i was glad he left me with those words because it gave me something to look forward to tonight. i didn't go out at all that day. jojo came over and we did our homework together and we never usually did something like that but i enjoyed it.

she showed me her texts with jinyoung which we squealed over because i never realized how smoking hot he was until then. besides, he was good at flirting, just like daniel. 

when jojo left after eating dinner (which was thai takeout), i felt that loneliness again. no one was home but me so i decided to watch tv and maybe study for my next exam. life is quite boring like this but at least daniel would visit me tonight after the party.

i waited and waited and waited. he didn't show up. i called him a bunch of times but he didn't pick up. obviously he was partying too hard but i just wished he hadn't promised me something if he couldn't pull through. 

i sighed and lied in bed, still waiting. but he didn't come so i ended up falling asleep.

about 3am in the morning, my phone buzzed beside me. i groggily answered it. if the caller had been anyone other than daniel i wouldn't have. "hello?"

"babe?"

"hmm?"

i heard daniel breathe out on the other end. "sorry for leaving you hanging..."

"it's okay," i murmured, too sleepy to say anything else or to guilt trip him. "i guess you drank too much at the party."

there was a pause. "no... i actually didn't go to the party." 

"seriously?" i giggled sleepily. "that's hard to believe."

"yeahhh... i didn't feel up to it," daniel chuckled quietly on the other end. i felt my mind wander but then it was bought back. "i wanna sing my song to you." 

"go ahead," i whispered, holding the phone close to my face as i closed my eyes. the song started with something like "you're my downtown baby" and i couldn't remember the rest. i was too focused on how soothing his voice sounded over the phone while he sang.

after a couple minutes. "baby... are you still awake?"

"mhm," i replied. it felt like my mind was asleep but daniel's voice could keep me up all night long. 

"i'm moving back to korea."

[aswissgaywholivesinoz]

THE FIRST SNOW

(A Michelle Gomez x Female Reader fan fiction)

"(Y/N) , come over here real quick, help me out in the kitchen" I ran over to Michelle, humming a tune. " What's up? " She explained what I had to do and I helped her the next hour. It was quiet. Too quiet.

A week ago I had traveled to Scotland with my best friend lena. My car broke down somewhere down the road, and whilst lena went looking for a phone cell, I stayed next to the car, holding up a thumb. Maybe someone was kind enough to help us out. with a battery. I rubbed my hands against my tights and blew out puffs of hot air that formed little clouds of dust. Lena came back but with no luck. "All I could find was this funny shaped twig." I looked at it , made a face at it and hugged Lena. "We will get out of here before nightfall, don't worry. We have some tea? I'll be back in a minute" Scattering around the car and opening the door, I filled us both a cup of tea. " And now? We wait. "

Three hours later and we were still waiting. Night had fallen an hour ago. "Lena I'm so sorry i-"" Shh! " "Look, I know I said wed be home before-" SHH! " " WHAT?! " I looked down the road and could hear the sounds of a motor. A little later we saw two headlights coming our way. "Quick, turn on all the lights we have! I'll turn on my blinker on the phone" The car came closer and closer as we lit up our car. And then, just like it had appeared, it drove past us. "Wellp, there goes our last battery energy." "We can sleep in the car, tomorrow we can walk the rest of the way, get some help later."

I was about to pull out my sleeping bag when Lena squeaked. "Gee, girl!!" " Look, (Y/N) , look! It came back! The car came back!! " I ran around the car and saw the second car from five minutes ago, pulling up opposite of us.

I ran over and waited for the driver to let their window down. But when they did, I wished that Lena stood next to me, and not the icy breeze of the night. "Girls! What are yous doing? " I held up my pointer finger and turned around. "LEENAA" I turned back around and gave a lame smile. Not today, Satan. As soon as Lena explained what had happened, The lady who drove the car offered us a ride home. Lena gladly accepted . I, on the other hand hesitated. I excused myself and ran back to my car, grabbed my phone and my sunglasses and just waited a moment to clear my senses.

MICHELLe. The Michelle Gomez was the one who stopped. The one who now waved me over. The one who opened the drivers seat door for me to hop in. The one to put a hand on my shoulder ,asking me if I needed a warm blanket. I could only nod. After a while I found myself again. " I am so sorry for my behavior. I guess I didn't dream that someone would actually stop, let alone you! And Yess, I know who you are but no, I won't do any of the creepy stuff fans do. Uhm... Why are we on the opposite way of your house, Lena? " Lena giggled and explained that whilst I was grabing phone, she told Michelle where we lived. But Michelle was too far away from that place and her house was closer in the end. By two hours.

"WAITT! WE ARE NOT GOING TO MICHELLE'S HOUSE?! erm.. Michelle.. I appreciate it so very much, but I couldn't accept that. Just drop us of at an inn?? " "Oh, don't be silly! You are staying at my house, and you don't have to be scared, I am quite nice! And tomorrow I'll drive you back to your car with a new battery. Now nap. You're stressed enough as you are. I'll wake yous up when we're home. " With that I leaned my head against the window and dozed off. I could still hear the gravel road underneath the tires, I could hear Michelle humming a song and talking on the phone to someone.

Eventually the car pulled up and I got out, opening the door for Lena. "Lena! Get out! " We got our handbags and waited for Michele to receive her stuff out of the back of the car. "Can I help with anything? " " Nah, you just follow me. Come along! " Michelle showed us around, told us where the bedrooms and the showers were. She prepared a short snack before we thanked her and went to our rooms.

I heard a nock on my door. I was still standing in the middle of the room, not quite believing that this was actually happening to me, that I was actually standing in Michelle's house. "Yes? " The door opened and Michelle came in. I backed away, slightly intimidated by her presence. "I just wanted to make sure that everything is ok. Do you need anything? "

A hug,I thought. "No, and...thank you, again" Was what I said. "Okay. Here, have my number, just in case I forget tomorrow. "

She handed me a piece of paper. Hesitantly I took it, careful as to not touch Michelle. I wouldn't be able to control myself if I did. "Th.. Thanks.. Uh.. Goodnight? " " Good night, (y/n) " .

An hour later and I was finally laying down. But I couldn't sleep. My car was stood somewhere in the middle of nowhere, unsafe, anyone could smash the windows, anything could happen. I got up and made my way to the couch in the living room. I gazed out the window, watching the snow fall. "Can't sleep? " I jumped and squeaked, turned around and almost died. There she stood. The woman I'd been dreaming about for the past year. The woman whom I had a massive crush on. But not just a crush. In fact, I believe I was in love with her. And now she stood there, a concerned look on her face, her hair messy from the bed, and her night gown, well. I recognized that anywhere. It was the same she wore when she played lillith in sabrina. "Eh.. Uh. Uhm.. No, no I don't think so.. My car... It's uhh.. All alone. " She smirked and stood next to me, gazing out the window. All I could notice was her scent. I can't describe it. But it was like the first rays of sunshine in the morning, kissing the grasshalms.

When I felt a nudge, I shook, and looked up into her eyes. "What? " "Do you want to go and see if it is alright? I would drive, of course. " I thanked her. "I will just have to wait. Is it okay if I stay up a while? I won't touch anything, promise!" Michele shook her head and turned around, saying "I'll fetch some tea for the both of us. Company is better. I'll be back in a minute."

I sat down on the couch and just closed my eyes. "I am so sorry, this is all a wee bit much for me." I leaned back and rested my head. Not long after, I felt the soft cushion of the couch sink beside me. "Here, have a sip." Thankful, I accepted the steaming mug of tea. " I just hope my car is alright. I can't loose it! " "And you won't! That road is not very popular, especially on a Saturday night. You won't loose it. It's gonna be fine. Come here." I looked at her confusedly. What was happening ? Before I could grab my mug, Michelle pulled me into her, so that my back rested against her chest and her chin on my shoulder.

"There. A hug always calms down the nerves." She wrapped her arm around me and with her other one handed me my tea. "Eh... " "Shh. Just relax. Sleep." I finished the tea and closed my eyes. I mumbled "you're dreaming, (y/n). Dreaming. " I realized that I wasn't, the same time Michelle pinched me and giggled amusedly. "I guess not, im affraid" I wanted to jump up and apologize for leaning on her, but she held me down, rocking me to sleep. But before I fell asleep I managed to say one more thing. "You stole that robe from the set. " "And you won't tell! "

I woke up by lena slamming the pillow in my face. "Fuck you! " "I'd rather not. C Mon, Michelle is waiting in the car already!" Lazily, but ever so confused, I lifted myself off of the couch. Where was I again? "Girls! " Was that? "Get up (y/n) ! Get! Up! " I followed Lena Who handed me a Travelers Cup of coffee out the door. There, in the Early Sun Rays, she stood. A Black Haired, Blue eyed, gorgeous Goddess. No, wait, that was Michelle. Wow. "It's too Early!! I can't think right! Lena help!! " But all I got was giggles. Eventually we all ended up in the Car. Michelles Beautiful Car. With it's Brown Leather seats. And it's Red Walls. "(Y/n)? Are you present? " I turned my Head, still very Sleepy, and just nodded. "Right. Ok lets go! "

I sipped on my coffee quietly as I listened to the humm of the engine. Lena seemed very preoccupied by the technology of Michelle's car and pushed all the buttons. Michelle. I still couldn't quite believe that I wasn't dreaming. I looked over. Studied her. How her hair bounced up and down, how her hands lay on the wheel and how her eyes would occasionally squint whenever she tried to see further ahead.

" What's up?" Startled, I looked back out of my window. "(Y/N) ? " I fidled with my hands. "Yes?" It felt unnatural to be adressed by this woman that I loved. Yes. I said it. I loved her. I knew from the beginning that it wasn't just a massive crush. " I know your lookin at me for a while now. What's wrong? " Caught in action. Shit. "Just worried about my car. " Jep, good one, (y/n),good one. "Oh. hey, look we have a battery with us, your car was locked, plus it's Sunday morning so there are nearly none other Cars coming. No one uses that road, really. So stop worrying, okay?"

A little later, we pulled up next to my car. "My Baby!" I pulled on the door handle in order to get out.

"Wait! you idiot! Put on a jacket and gloves!! It's a bloody snowstorm out the-" Lena couldn't finish her sentence before I was out of the car and running over to my sweetheart. "I missed you!". I began scraping down the snow that had built up overnight. I looked inside and was filled with joy that the windows didn't get smashed and we didn't get robbed. " IT'S ALL GOOD! " I yelled. Michelle and Lena carried the battery whilst I unlocked the car.

"Uh.. Bitch? We have a... Problem. ". Oh, no. What now? I came around and saw with horror that one of the tires popped and the paint was damaged. " Damn that'll take some time and money to fix... " I had just finished wiping the snow down and was ready for the battery to be replaced. "(Y/n) , stop, this isn't smart. We should call the service. Let me talk to them."

I talked to Lena whilst Michelle was on the phone. "So. What now? We have to get to your house somehow... It'll be hard in this storm, without a car. And I don't want her to drive us because one, I wouldn't be able to handle sitting so close to her. And seccond, she's done too much for us already. "

Lena wrapped her arm around my shoulder. " I'll call a taxi. It's gonae be a bit expensive but we can stop halfways and jump the train. Give me a minute. " She jumped off the hood and walked a way to get some quiet.

I remembered I had some tea in the thermos flask so I reached for the door, fell off the hood, scrambled up to get into the drivers seat and took the flask from its holder. I stepped back out, wiped some snow off of my clothes, rubbed my hands and opened the flask. I took a sip and- empty. Urgh. I turned it upside down, because that's what every idiot does, and watched the last droplet of cold tea hit the snow. Sigh.

"Nothing left? " I looked at Michelle with a shy smile. "Yeah... I hoped there was more tea! " Michelle chuckled sweetly. "Come here. This'll keep you warm." She pulled me towards her and rubbed her hands up and down my arms. "The service said they will be here in about an hour due to the heavy snowfall, so we have to wait here and signal for them. Let's wait in my car, yes? Call your friend over once she's done... Say, WHAT is she doing? " I looked over to lena and chuckled. " Oh, yes, that's mister Twig, we found him yesterday. She always pretends to talk to objects around her when she's on the phone. She's calling a taxi. To get us to the train station. " Michelle stopped rubbing my arms.

"(Y/n) , you know that that's not gonae happen right? I'm here, I've offered my help, and I won't let you go to a station with a stranger in heavy snowfall where I can't see and follow if he really drives you where you want to go. Nope, you're staying with me. "

Perplexed, not knowing how to react, I let a tear fall and wiggled myself out of her arms. I looked at her. Then I turned around, run to lena, took her phone and hung up. "Lena, pinch me. " She looked at me with a hint of annoyance. Uh-oh.

"(Y/N) , I AM SICK OF YOU! JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE THAT WOMAN DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN THROW MY PHONE INTO THE SNOW WHILST I AM TRYING TO RESCUE US!! YOU CAN'T FREAK OUT EVERY 5 SECONDS! SO GET OVER YOUR STUPID CRUSH AND PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! ugh. Now I have to start from the beginning! " Turning bright red, I sat on the ground and stared into the distance. There is no way Michelle didn't hear that. "Lena, we don't need a taxi. She's refusimg to let us out of her sight. Please stop screaming. And THANKS A LOT FOR EXPOSING ME TO THE ONE WOMAN I NEVER WANTED TO BE EXPOSED TO!! " the last bit I yelled back at her, throwing snow at her too.

Slowly I got up, walked to my car, took out a coat and went over to Michelle. " Can I... Can I please just sit in your car? I don't want to talk to Lena. Or of what just happened. Please" Michelle looked at me with a soft, understanding smile. "Of course honey. But I told you yesterday, Company is better. So I'll sit with you. LENA! come inside my car! You don't have to wait in the cold! " We all ended up waiting in her car, listening to Smaltown boy.

[breanime]

In Sickness

Requests: can you write Billy being sick and the reader (trying) to take  care of him because obviously he is a real ass when he’s sick and he doesn’t want her to see her like (because he feels like shit) but in the end he’s all sleepy and he strangely becomes cuddly and sweet from @delicatelilyflower and Billy Russo showing vulnerability in the form of embarrassment from @suchatinyinfinity

Thanks guys, I hope you enjoy!

*gif not mine*

It had been over 48 hours since you’d heard from Billy, and you were starting to get worried. The last time he’d disappeared for so long had been after a stint overseas with Anvil, and when you finally tracked him down you found that he head been shot…twice. So, you had a reason to be worried.

“Ah, Y/N,” Frank sighed on the other end of the phone, “you know how Bill is. When he’s down, he likes to be alone. He doesn’t want to trouble you.”

“So he is hurt?” You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder. “What happened? And don’t lie to me, Frankie, I don’t have the patience.”

You heard Frank chuckle on the other end of the phone. “I would never. Maybe just drop by his place and see for yourself.”

Typical Frank—but his advice was decent, so you headed over to Billy’s penthouse. You had been friends with Frank and Billy since their Marine days. There was something lingering between you and Billy, some kind of unspoken thing that you both were well aware of. You wouldn’t go so far as to say the two of you were an item, but you did sleep together, and Billy did take you out on dates, but… You weren’t dating. Still, he was your emergency contact on all of your official paperwork, and you had a key to his place—which you used now.

“Billy?” You called out, closing the door behind you. His coat was laying on the couch haphazardly, as if he had thrown it off in a hurry—something he rarely ever did. There was a blanket on the floor, and a half-empty water bottle on the table. “Billy? It’s me,” you peeked into the kitchen and sighed. It was in a state of disarray that only meant Billy wasn’t his usual self. A cabinet was open, revealing a lack of groceries, and there was an uneaten bowl of chicken noodle soup on the kitchen table. You checked for any signs of blood or bandages as you made your way to Billy’s room and found none. Your mind brought of images of broken bones, cuts and bruises as you turned the corner. What you saw was….

…Billy curled up in bed like a koala surrounded by boxes of tissue, water bottles, and take-out boxes. He sat up when he saw you, and you couldn’t help the little “oh” that came out of your mouth at the sight of him. His dark hair was mushed and standing up at all angles, and his eyes were low and watery. He was wearing a zip-up hoodie with no shirt underneath, and as you got closer, you could see that his cheeks were flushed, and he was shivering.

“Y/N?” His voice was rough, and he cleared his throat. “What’re you doing here?”

“I’ve been calling,” you noticed his phone on the dresser, “You’re sick.”

Billy scoffed as he struggled to sit up. “”M fine,” his New York accent was thicker than usual, and you could tell his nose was stuffed up, “Didn’t hear my phone go off.”

“That’s cause it’s all the way over here,” you picked his phone up and waved it at him before putting it back, “How long have you been sick?”

“”M not,” he huffed, pulling his hoodie over his chest, “’M just…” He coughed into his forearm, “”M just a little off. It’s fine.” His eyes narrowed as he watched you strip your jacket off. “What’re you doing?”

“That depends, where do you want me to start?” You asked, laying your jacket on the back of a chair. “Cleaning up or getting you some medicine? Have you been to the doctor yet?”

“I don’t need a doctor, I can take care of myself.” You could tell he was breathing out of his mouth, not his nose. “I don’t need you here.”

“Clearly,” you deadpanned, “What with the stuffy nose, shakes, and assumed fever, you’re a picture of independence.” You thought back on what his living room looked like. “You catch something at work?”

“Couple of the guys came down with a fever after a mission,” he answered, “I gave ‘em time off, but they wouldn’t take it.” He sniffled again. “It’s possible I might have caught something from them.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes and instead went over to Billy to feel his forehead. He flinched when you put your hand out. “Don’t be a baby,” you clicked your tongue when you felt the heat of his skin, “Where do you keep your thermometer?”

“Don’t have one.” Billy pushed your hand away and fell back against the pillow. “Been feelin’ like this for two days,” he coughed again, “it’s almost done. Gimme another day an’ I’ll be fine.”

“Not gonna happen, soldier,” you were already moving around his room, straightening up, “If you won’t go to a doctor, I’ll take care of you myself. When was the last time you had something to eat?”

“Fuck off, Y/N.”

Now you did roll your eyes. Billy would have to try harder if he wanted to scare you away. “Fuck you, Russo. Now answer the question.”

He huffed, but answered you nonetheless. “Tried to eat last night,” he sniffled, “I have soup in the kitchen.”

“Yeah,” you piled another blanket on Billy’s bed, “You have that terrible canned stuff. I’ll make you some soup.” You dug in your purse and pulled out a couple of Tylenol PMs. “Here,” you watched him dry swallow the medicine and went back to tidying up.

“’M fine,” Billy was slinking back into his bed now, “the canned stuff is good,” he pulled the extra blanket up to his chin, “You can just go home, Y/N.”

“Mm hmm,” you went to the windows and started pulling the blinds down.

“I don’t need anyone takin’ care of me,” Billy was turning to lay on his side, and his words were muffled by the pillow, “’specially not you.”

“Right,” you turned the ceiling fan on low and let its soft hum lull Billy to sleep. It didn’t take long, he mumbled something that sounded like “leave me alone” before he dissolved into soft snores and the occasional cough.

You made your way into the kitchen and took a look around. It was sparse, but there were just enough ingredients for you to whip up a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup. You contemplated running to the store for more supplies, but you weren’t comfortable leaving Billy to his own devices—unconscious or not. So, you put in an order for a grocery delivery and went back to cleaning. Frank texted asking for an update and you replied: He’s being a little bitch, so I’m making him soup. Frank sent you back a laughing emoji, and you chuckled as you put your phone in your back pocket. You checked the soup and sat down at the table. You weren’t sure what kind of mood Billy would be in when he woke up, but you wouldn’t let him scare you off.

Billy didn’t wake up for another three hours. You ended up dozing on the couch and woke up to a warm hand gently brushing your cheek. You opened your eyes to see Billy, wrapped in the blanket you’d put on him, staring down at you.

His eyes still looked a little blurry and his nose was red, but he wasn’t shaking anymore. “You’re still here.” He said, his voice soft in the open room.

“Well yeah,” you sat up and rubbed your eyes, “I made you soup and got some groceries—what are you doing in here?” You didn’t wait for him to respond before you hustled him off the couch and back into bed. His forehead was still warm when you touched it. “I’m gonna heat the soup up and grab you some tea, I want you to eat as much as you can, and oh,” you grabbed a bottle from where you’d placed it on his dresser earlier and poured some thick, red liquid into a cup, “drink this.”

“What is this?” He asked, picking up the container and squinting at the label.

“Medicine,” you pulled out a food tray (a gift you got him a few months ago that was mostly for you) and placed it on his lap, “I want to see that cup empty by the time I get back.”

Billy—for once—didn’t say anything back, so you went and prepared his soup. You added honey to the tea and brought him an extra bottle of water as well. The cup was empty when you got back, and Billy was fussing with the bedsheets.

“Now before you start,” you placed the soup and tea on his tray, “this was my grandmother’s recipe so it’s really good, and the tea is that good shit, not that brown water crap Frank is always trying to feed us.”

Billy made a choking sound that you took for laughter. He cleared his throat and moved some pillow out of the way. “Wanna sit?”

Your eyebrows shot up, but you didn’t question the invitation. You slipped under the covers next to Billy, feeling just a tad bit giddy.

He lifted the spoon to his lips and paused. He turned to you. “Want a taste?”

You giggled and leaned forward, sipping the warm broth. You grinned as you sat back. “Trying to test for poison?” You joked.

Billy sighed, putting his spoon down. “I deserve that. Look, Y/N, ‘m sorry I was bein’ a dick, I…” He looked away from you. “”M not used to people takin’ care of me.”

“Aw,” you ran your fingers through Billy’s messy hair, “you don’t have to apologize, I get it. And I’m happy to help, Billy.” You watched him try the soup. His eyes closed and your grin widened. “Good?”

“Mm,” he nodded, “Shit. This is really good, Y/N.” You felt a spark of glee go through you at the compliment and leaned in closer to Billy. The two of you sat in bed together, as Billy slowly ate his food and drank his tea, watching horrible reality TV and arguing over which one of you Curtis liked best. Billy ate most of the soup and drank all of his tea, and he tried to help you clean up afterward—but you wouldn’t let him. You put the dishes in the dishwasher and came back to see Billy lying down with the covers wrapped around him. He looked adorable.

You climbed into bed with him and caressed his forehead. “Do you need anything?” You asked, voice low.

He looked up at you, eyelashes fluttering against his sleepy, dark eyes. “Can…” He sniffled, and you almost melted. “…Can you hold me?”

You thought your cheeks would burst with how big you smiled. “C’mere, baby.”

You wrapped your arms around Billy, pulling his warm head to your chest and running your fingers through his hair just the way he liked. He put his arms around your waist and sighed happily. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

“I want you to stay,” he went on, sniffling, “an’ I want to take care of you next…I want to take care of you forever.”

You chuckled. “You’re delirious, babe.”

“I’m serious,” he looked up at you with an honest to God pout on his face, “You… I want you…You’re my…” He groaned, snuggling in closer to you. “”M too tired, you know what I mean.”

You did know what he meant, and it made you feel another wave of sweet warmth go through you. “Mm hmm,” you agreed, running a hand down his back, “me too, baby.”

“Mm,” he closed his eyes, “I like when you call me baby… Let’s take a nap, baby.”

“Okay,” you kissed the top of his head and he sighed happily, “sweet dreams, baby.”

Billy dozed off in your arms, and while you weren’t necessarily happy that he wasn’t feeling well, you had to admit; holding him like that, taking care of him, and hearing his soft, unsure utterances just felt right…

…even if you woke up with a cold the next morning. 

*******************************************************************************

I still have a few requests in my ask box and some ideas I wanna do, so feel free to request still but it might take a while. Also, if you want to be added to my taglist, just let me know.

Thanks for reading!

TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind @delicatelilyflower @doneobrien @king4thesirens @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor @mrsjaxtellerfan @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams @thebabblingbook @fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @tartelette-aux-fraises @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @madamrogers @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98

(If you’re on this list but didn't get a notification, lemme know. I don’t think I got all the URLs right?)

[mrschangrettawrites]

Acquisitions

Summary: Every person has their purpose, and yours has just come up.

Pairing: Luca Changretta x Reader

Words: 1692

Notes: FINALLY AN UPDATE AFTER SIX MONTHS FDKNGKDOFNGDKFNGOD god im so sorry it has taken this long to update but i've gotten a job since starting this fic and it's consumed much of my time, then the holidays were upon us and, well, yall know how it goes. but i got hit with inspo during my shift today so here it is! the long awaited fourth chapter! hopefully future updates wont be as delayed but who knows lmao. anyways thanks for waiting! minor tw for violence. Spoilers for season four, but it is v canon divergent so not really very many, reader is a WOC. I highly highly highly recommend installing the InteractiveFics extension from the Chrome store if you can. To add your name and last name simply install the extension, then click ‘Need to replace something other than Y/N?’ and in the value bar put Name and put your name in the Replace With bar, then click change! And be sure to tick Store this replacement so that you don’t have to do it every time.

Tagging: @kittiofdoom @justanothergal22 @sophspark @blinder-secrets @ree-duh @kamala-khaan if you would like to be tagged just lmk!

Just as the tension was getting to be almost too overwhelming, a waiter arrived with two menus, and you had never been so relieved to be served in your life.

“Thank you.” You said, smiling brightly as you took one and did your best to hide behind it under the guise of reading the dishes on offer. Thankfully there were pork free dishes on offer, which made you remember that you were going to have to educate Luca on Islam and it’s rules. Then you wondered if he would be as open and kind about there being another religion in his home as your father had been prior to his reversion. You guessed that Luca was Catholic, and while there were similarities between Catholicism and Islam, there were far more glaring differences.

“When we have our wedding,” you began hesitantly, “will it be in a church?”

“If I know my mother as well as I think I do, I doubt we’ll have a choice.” Luca joked. “Why?”

“Just checking!” You said quickly, going back to the menu. Even though there had not been a masjid in Small Heath, you had always dreamed of getting married in one. Your parents had to go all the way to London, so you figured that you would be able to do the same. Would New York have masjids? Would it have Muslims? Would it have Turkish Muslims?

“What's New York like?”

Luca paused, setting his menu down. “Well, for one, it’s a lot bigger than Small Heath.”

That made you smile. “I thought as much.”

“I don’t know, it’s just...hard to describe.” Luca drummed his fingers on the table, making your gaze flit down to his hand, and watch how elegantly it moved. “It’s full of life.” He said finally, his hand still again. “Everywhere you go there’s at least twelve dozen people around you, even at night it’s busy. Makes Small Heath look pretty sleepy in comparison.”

Your heart hammered in your chest as you considered this. Your mind ran wild with images of towering spires, roads that went on for kilometers, people dressed in all manner of ways. Your life had been a sheltered one, but that was all about to change.

A waiter soon arrived, asking for your orders.

“I’ll have the chicken Alfredo.” Luca said. He and the waiter both looked over at you, waiting for your order.

You began to panic as you had become too wrapped up in your thoughts to think of an order. “Oh um, make it two!” You said, inwardly wincing at how your voice raised at the end.

But the waiter made no indication of noticing, merely made a note of the orders and said that the kitchen would get right to it.

You looked back down at your teacup, eyes traveling over the lines, both dark and faint, trying to figure out what they were trying to tell you, if anything.

“Have you had much Italian food?” Luca asked, and you were grateful for the distraction.

“Not really.” You said. “Just Turkish and English food.”

“Well I can’t speak on Turkish food, but English stuff sucks.” Luca said bluntly.

A giggle slipped from you. “It can be pretty bland.” You agreed. “I mean, the English have an empire that spans the entire globe, with colonies that have incredible spices, but they never use them in cooking for some reason.” That would never cease to bamboozle you.

Luca grinned and chuckled. “I know Matteo can’t wait to be back in New York with proper food.”

You furrowed your brow. “Which one is he?”

Luca raised a brow, but pointed at a booth just a few meters away, where you recognised two of Luca’s men. “The one of the left is Matteo, and the other is Frederico.” He explained. “Matteo can be a little hot headed, but he’s loyal. Frederico is more quiet.” His gaze went back to you. “And they will both protect you.”

While the notion of being protected and watched by gangster was far from a new one, the gangsters in question were usually men you knew well. You glanced at them nervously. “So, they’re ok with this whole marriage thing.”

“That’s irrelevant.” Luca said dismissively. “They’re soldiers, and they’ll do what they’re told.”

You knew that was meant to put you at ease, but it didn’t work. They had orders yes, but orders have been ignored before. And you couldn’t help but wonder how they really felt about their leader marrying some girl from England, who belonged to a family that not a week ago they were planning to kill. You fisted the fabric of your dress that rested on your lap.

“W-Why me?” You asked quietly. You had managed to keep the question away from the front of your mind so far, but you needed to know. “Why would you choose me? If you were going to marry anyone, Ada would’ve been the smart choice. She’s Tommy’s sister, and she already has a son, she knows how to…” You trailed off, face burning. “Well, you know.” You cleared your throat. “Why are you marrying me?”

Luca was silent, his unreadable, impassive gaze slowly going over you. It made the hairs all over your body stand up, in fact your surprised that the hair on your head hadn’t all magically sprung to life. “I wanted to repay a debt.”

You furrowed your brow. “Debt? What debt? You don’t owe me anything.”

“It isn’t my debt.” Luca clarified. “It’s my mother’s.”

“Your...mother?”

He nodded. “She hasn’t forgotten, how you got her out of Small Heath.”

Oh. You looked back down, face flushing again. “I didn’t help your mum to have her in my debt.” You said, horrified that that’s what they, the Changretta’s and their people, all thought.

“I know.” Luca sounded calm, patient. “My mother said you weren’t that type. But you still got her out of Thomas’s path, and because of you she’s alive. I’m just repaying you. Now we’re even.”

You nodded, slowly, still not sure what to make of this reason, if it was in fact the truth.

If you were completely truthful, you hadn’t been thinking at all when you had gone to help Audrey Changretta. You just knew that her husband was dead, after hours of torture, and you knew that Tommy wouldn’t have thought twice to go after her. You still remembered that day, as if it had just happened.

While the early morning fog had still clung to your ankles, you raced to her home, heart hammering. You were terrified that you were too late or that she wasn’t home, but she was there, tired and a little disheveled, but there.

“You have to leave.” You had blurted out. “I’m so sorry. Tommy’s killed your husband and you have to go I’m so sorry I really am but you need to go please, please just go!”

It had taken you a few minutes to calm down and fully explain everything, but once you had, Mrs Changretta did as you asked. You even helped her pack, and kept an eye out for any Blinders. You went with her to the train station, all the while telling her how sorry you were. You were almost hysterical, and in tears by the time her train arrived. You thought that would be the last time you ever saw a Changretta.

When Tommy heard that Mrs Changretta was gone, he was livid. You had walked in on him yelling at John and Arthur, demanding that they go out and find her, leave no stone unturned, no person unquestioned. He was going to have his pound of flesh, one way or another.

“She’s gone.” Once again your mouth had moved faster than your brain could think, and you stared, wide eyed, as the three brothers and Polly all looked at you in shock.

“She’s what.” Tommy’s tone had been dripping with venom, and it sent a chill all through you.

“I’m sorry Tommy but I-I helped her leave.” You wilted a little, hunched over, equal parts ashamed and scared. “She didn’t do anything Tommy! She-”

You were cut off by the feel of skin colliding harshly against your cheek, sending you to the ground.

In a daze you looked up, to see Tommy being restrained by Arthur and John, while Polly screamed at him.

“YOU DON’T RAISE A HAND TO FAMILY LIKE THAT THOMAS!” You had never seen your aunt so furious, and it had only made your state worse.

“DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!” Thomas roared, eyes alight with rage. “YOU BETRAY THIS FAMILY AGAIN AND YOU’RE OUT!”

You began to cry. “I-I’m sorry Tommy! I’m sorry!” You wept and begged for forgiveness, but that had only angered Tommy further.

“Should ship you to fucking Istanbul!” He snarled. He paused when a child’s cries began to echo in the house, making him look at the ceiling. “And you fucking woke up Charlie!” Tommy managed to shake off his two brothers, and he glared down at you before getting out a cigarette. “I mean it.” He said, in his low, quiet, dangerous voice. “If you ever pull that shit again, I’ll put you in a fucking crate myself.”

Even after Polly got you out of the house you were sobbing, still saying how sorry you were.

“Don’t be sorry sweetheart.” Polly had said gently. “You did a good thing.”

‘Did I?’

“How is your mother?” You asked, trying to ignore the memory of the stinging pain from Tommy’s slap.

“She’s alive, which is what matters.” Luca smiled gently. “Thank you. I mean that. My mother is all I have left now.”

You nodded, swallowing thickly. “I would do it again.” You said, only realizing how true it was once all the words had left your mouth.

“Two chicken Alfredos.” The waiter had reappeared, carrying the dishes on a silver platter and laying them out in front of the both of you.

“Grazie.”

“Thank you so much.”

The waiter nodded before moving onto another table.

“Still can’t believe you people don’t tip.” Luca said, sounding genuinely mistified.

“What’s a tip?”

[justlovemewrite]

wrapped up | 3

title: wrapped up member: d.o length: 4k genre: angst, fluff, smut (in that order ?)

a/n: well here’s wrapping it up (hehe) sdfgh im nervous + one of these days my chars will have protected sex. that day is still not today

part one — two — three

But if that was all he was giving… then it was enough. Kyungsoo your friend was better than no Kyungsoo at all. And you were not going to jeopardise that with your stupid, unnecessary feelings. You were—you were probably still reeling from the mess of emotions yesterday had been. That was it. No more of this.

You could fix this.

You had to.

You emerged with a smile pasted on your face. Kyungsoo was back in your robe now, chopping vegetables, eggs gathered in a bowl next to him. "What's for breakfast!" you asked with a clap, looking over your counter.

"You know you have almost nothing in your fridge?" You made a defensive noise, averting your gaze as he chuckled, keeping his focus on the sharp knife in his hand. You hadn't done a lot of shopping recently, mostly since you had tried to wrap yourself up in work as a distraction from all your messy feelings—also as you were used to going grocery shopping with Kyungsoo, who could always tell a good tomato from a bad one.

"I have lots of leftovers!" It was your primary mode of feeding yourself when left alone: make something in very large quantities and heat it over and over for the rest of the week. It was boring, but it worked. Kyungsoo, who loved food and cooking for some reason you didn't understand, hadn't lived like that since college when none of you had the time to cook.

"We're not having leftovers for breakfast.” He shuddered dramatically. “Eggs, and you can toast some bread for us. It's the best I could do with what I had."

"What would I do without my own Soo chef?" you asked, ignoring his snort and moving past him to grab your bread.

"Hopefully not starve." You rolled your eyes at the speech you'd heard more than once, something which went right out of your other ear by now. You stayed on standby with the bread, waiting for him to start on the eggs so the bread wouldn't cool before they were done.

A call rang out, Kyungsoo's ringtone loud in the quiet morning, and he handed you his spatula as he went to pick it up. You stirred the vegetables, looking up when he appeared by your counter again. "Work?"

"Yeah. They were just calling to let me know they're not opening today and not to come in—storm, you know." He switched places with you, taking out an egg to crack into the pan. You started the toaster, climbing back onto the counter.

"Only you would get a call from work telling you not to come in when there's a storm out. Most people just assume." Kyungsoo shook his head, ignoring you and your remark. "What are you recording these days?"

He hummed. "This Chinese novel they're translating. You'd love it." You laughed. You tended to hate the books he recorded, buying the audiobooks out of a sense of loyalty—though he insisted every time that you didn't have to—and cringing your way through them. The last time you had enjoyed a book he had recorded was a year ago, a crime thriller.

"I still don't know how you read those out with a straight face."

He snorted and said, "Practice." The two of you fell silent after that, you grabbing two plates once the toast was done and taking them to him. He served the both of you, and you carried your plates to the coffee table as Kyungsoo covered the remaining eggs.

"What are we watching?" you asked, getting your laptop out.

He hummed, going to pull the curtains shut, then said, "Singin' In The Rain?"

"Cool." Between the two of you alone and together, you must have watched Singin' In The Rain at least fifty times. It had become your go-to when there was nothing to watch; both of you may have memorised most of the dialogue, but there was something satisfying about the sheer drama of this film no matter how many times you watched it. You set it up and sat back as the opening credits began, placing the pillows and blankets you'd given Kyungsoo up so you could both lean on them, making space for him.

He left just enough space between you that none of you would touch except for your elbows. It was probably not intentional—and you were not going to think about it.

The two of you were mostly silent for the first half of the movie as you ate, with the exception of some whispering of lines above the film, but as your eggs disappeared the both of you began to talk softly, just enough that you weren't louder than the movie. It was mostly small-talk, Chanyeol being back in town the next weekend, how your family was, how his brother was doing, if you'd finished that book you'd been reading. You relaxed, slowly, but you did, sinking back into the couch so your shoulder brushed the thick fabric of his robe. Kyungsoo seemed to be relaxing as well, body fitting back into your couch, where there was practically a dent from how many times the both of you had sat exactly like this.

As the screening scene—one of your favourite scenes—arrived, the both of you fell silent, only mimicking the lines.

"But the night is full of our enemies," Kyungsoo started in a nasal tone as the line arrived, mimicking Lina exactly. You laughed along with the audience in the film, shaking your head.

"Imperious princess of the night..." you trailed off as Don said the same thing—the very words—you had, but to laughter instead of silence. You pressed your lips shut together, something painful churning in your gut as Kyungsoo slowly stiffened beside you. How many times had the two of you watched this, repeated these exact lines? Now you couldn't, and all because you'd made the mistake of saying it once for real, no playacting or joking.

There was an abrupt beeping from the next room, and you shot off the couch, upsetting your laptop. "That'll be your clothes," you said, and all but sprinted out of the room.

You sorted through the clothes, pulling your own out and throwing them into a basket. You'd fold them later. Later, when you weren't about to explode.

Why had you said it?

At the time, you hadn't realised the mistake you were making. Kyungsoo had gone to throw your washcloth in the laundry, and you'd been lying in bed, sleepy and happy and questioning nothing and hoping for—everything. With him. And he had returned to the bed, lying next to you with something in his eyes that you had mistaken for love, and when he had cupped your face in his warm hand, you had said: I love you.

He hadn't said anything—only stared at you for a moment, then gone to sleep. When you woke up, he was gone, and wouldn't pick up your calls or respond to your texts. And that had been that.

You were still standing there, his clothes in your hands, when Kyungsoo appeared in the door, eyes dark and distant. You blinked up at him, then stretched your hand out to him. "Sorry," you said. "Here are your clothes. I got distracted."

He took the clothes from your hand, and started untying the robe as if he was in some sort of daze. You made to leave, standing outside the door, pressed to the wall. Half your body hurt. You couldn't move if you tried, but you had to, you weren't going to just stand here when Kyungsoo was inside changing, he hadn't even shut the door.

Why was he in a daze? You could explain yourself, but...

Before you could move, Kyungsoo appeared in the door, only half-changed. The shirt was crumpled in his hands. "I can't do this. I know—I know I said I'd put this behind us, but Y/N, I can't. I need to know."

His eyes were almost pleading. You took a deep breath. "Need to know what?"

"Why did you lie?"

Your heart sank. Did he mean—no. He couldn't mean that, could he? Why would he think you had lied? Was he just hoping you had lied so he wouldn't really be breaking your heart? "When did I lie, Kyungsoo?"

"You really don't know?"

He'd asked you this last night, too, but everything about this was different. Your heart was about to fall out of your chest. You shook your head: no.

"When you told me you loved me."

You hadn't lied. Why would you? But—he had been hurt by it. Why would he be hurt by it? Were your feelings so awful to him? You bit your lip to keep your eyes from tearing up, but they did nonetheless. You looked away, down to your feet so he wouldn't see, nevermind that he probably knew you were crying, anyway? "Did that hurt you that much?" Your voice shook more than you would have liked.

"You—you had to know it would. You know how I feel about you."

You did. You knew—that was why you had hidden your feelings for so long. Apparently you should have continued it. What would have happened if you had said nothing, kept your mouth shut? Maybe you would have been spending time as usual these last few weeks. Maybe you'd have realised your relationship wasn't progressing anytime soon and accepted it, continuing to bury your feelings.

Maybe it was best that way. You took a breath, blinking your tears away, and looked back up at him. "That's not the end, though, right? I didn't fuck us up forever? I'm sorry, Soo, I know I shouldn't have said that, but—we can pretend I didn't, right? We just go back to—"

Kyungsoo let out a long sigh, closing his eyes. "It's not that easy."

"I can't lose you, Kyungsoo. You're—you're my best friend. You're too important for us to just fall apart because of this one thing."

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, looking at you sadly. You took another deep breath to stop more tears. "It's not just one thing to me. I can't—"

"Please, please. I don't want to hurt you, you know that, I just—these last few weeks have been awful. I missed you so much, this whole time, and we haven't even tried to fix this. It's not fair that you're deciding that we can't without at least trying. I'll make myself okay with how you feel. And you do the same, and we'll go back to being—"

"Friends?"

You nodded weakly. "Friends."

"That's a problem. I don't think I can be friends with you anymore." You looked up at him, heart dropping abruptly. "You don't get it. You keep saying you want your friend back, but you—I can't forget it all. We slept together, Y/N. That's not nothing. And you told me you loved me. That's not—I can't forget that."

"Why not?" you asked, voice breaking again. Kyungsoo started to raise his hand as the tears began to overflow, but stopped, clearly too hesitant to be affectionate toward you now. You wiped the stupid tears away yourself, wishing you could speak clearly, without your vision obstructed and your throat closed and this terrible ache right in the center of your chest. "If I can forget, why can't you? Why is it harder for you than me? Why am I the only one who's fighting here, when I'm the one who—"

"I can't forget what you said because I'm in love with you!"

It was like time stopped.

"Kyungsoo—" you started, but your voice caught in your throat.

"I said it, okay. I'm in love with you. I have been—I've felt this way for a while. And I know you know, and I know you don't feel that way. I don't expect anything from you, I never have. But you knew how I felt, so why did you say that to me? You had to know that would hurt me."

"Soo, I..." you broke off, the bubble in your throat stopping words from coming out. Were you still crying? Your chest hurt, but in a completely different way. "You've got it all wrong," you managed in the end. "I had no idea."

Kyungsoo blinked, "How could you—"

You cut him off. "No, I—I didn't know. I thought... this whole time, you've been talking about my feelings for you... my feelings of friendship?" Kyungsoo nodded, and you shook your head, more tears slipping past your cheeks. "You've got it wrong, Soo. I'm in love with you. I have been for a while, but I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of what we have. And then that day you were looking at me and I just... couldn't hide it. So I told you."

Kyungsoo was frozen still. "You told me... you confessed to me." You nodded, wiping at your tears still. "And I left."

You swallowed. "I thought you meant—I thought you didn't want to tell me you didn't feel the same way. And then you wouldn't pick up my calls, and I... I thought you were scared. All this time, I thought you couldn't look past the fact that I'm in love with you."

"No, I—" Kyungsoo cut off, looking at you like he had just run a marathon. "You—I thought you wanted me to forget my feelings." You couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of you, shaking your head as he stepped closer to you. He slowly brought his hands up to your side, pulling you closer. You went, dropping your hands onto his chest. Were you breathing?

"You have feelings for me," you repeated, staring up at him. When Kyungsoo nodded, pulling you closer still, you let out another giggle, tapping his chest. "How did I not see it? You're terrible at pretending anything."

"Yeah, even that I'm in love with you." Kyungsoo said. "You—we were pretending to date. Why do you think it was always so easy to me?" Your mind flashed to every single time he had smiled and introduced you as his girlfriend, every single time his affectionate gaze on you had felt a little too real—because it was.

You gasped. The bubble in your chest kept growing bigger and bigger. "Oh my god. I... I completely fell for it. Are you sure you're a voice-actor, not a face actor?"

Kyungsoo laughed, bringing a hand up to your face to run his thumb down your cheek. "Face actor."

"Shut up!" You felt like you could be flying as you pressed your forehead to his chest. "I'm really embarrassed right now—do you know how much I've been crying in the last few weeks? I thought you wanted nothing to do with me since you found out!"

Kyungsoo stopped laughing at that, pulling your face up to his and giving you a soft look as he wiped away the trails your tears had left. "I'm sorry. I should have—stayed and talked to you, or asked you, or said something. I was just scared."

You shook your head. "I was scared too. I'd been hiding it this whole time, and then I said something, and... you know what? We should just never hide things from each other again. It only makes a mess."

Kyungsoo chuckled once, leaning closer to you. "Then in the interest of showing my feelings openly..." he trailed off, looking at you with the same intent you had seen in his eyes earlier—on that night, but now coloured with affection that you hadn't known how to see then. "Can I kiss you?"

You grinned up at him. "Yes."

Kyungsoo kissed like he did everything; with dedication. You knew this already, but you could appreciate it better now. You leaned into him, letting your hands wander down his chest, stopping at his waist to keep him close. His pulled your bottom lip between his, licking into your mouth, deepening the kiss. One of his hands descended to the small of your back, pressing you to him. Your bodies were pressed together chest to hip, and the kiss that had been sweet one second turned into something else, making you want to be closer, closer.

When you broke away to breathe, Kyungsoo was heaving, his eyes still shut. You giggled at the way he was trying to get himself under control, pressing a few light kisses to his jaw as you did. Kyungsoo's hand tightened on your back, keeping you pressed to him. You didn't mind—he was radiating body heat, and you chased it with your lips, leaving open-mouthed kisses down his neck. "Y/N," he said, voice low and deep enough to send a thrill of heat through you. "We should," he paused as you nipped at the skin between his neck and shoulder. "We should maybe—slow down."

You leaned back for a second, giving him a pout. His eyes opened slowly at the loss of your lips—and met you with heat that might as well set fire to your insides. You'd never seen him look like that. Like he wanted to devour you. You shivered. "Are you sure you want to?"

He kissed the pout off your lips, but it was only a moment before he pulled away. "No," he admitted, and you laughed at the bluntness. "But if you keep kissing me like that, I don't think we'll be able to stop. And I thought you might want to... take it slow."

He was so sweet your heart was about to overflow any second—but he was also wrong about what you wanted. You leaned your head back, giving him a look. "I've wanted to do this for months, and I'm pretty sure you have, too. We can take it slow later, okay? Right now, just—kiss me."

Kyungsoo had no problems listening to you there. He was back on you immediately, turning the two of you around so you were pressed into the wall, him hovering above you. You pulled him closer to you until you were all but pressed together again, his lips on yours and his hands holding you to the wall and to him and his scent around you. You groaned out his name when he pulled away from your mouth to trace a pattern on your skin, tugging at your earlobe with his lips and kissing down your neck. At the sound he swore, pressing you harder into the wall, his hips pushing into yours.

He was hardening, you could feel it, as you moved your hips best you could to grind on him. Soo pulled away from your neck, giving you a look before he moved back to capture your mouth, moving one leg between yours so you couldn't move against him. You ground shamelessly down on his leg, satisfied when Kyungsoo groaned into your mouth.

"Bed," you said. He nodded, barely pulling away from you. You took a step back and tripped, your legs dangerously unsteady, and Kyungsoo let out a low laugh as he realised just what state he'd brought you to. That tone travelled straight to your core, and you took a deep, shaky breath as you stepped over the clothes on the ground and pulled him backward, to your bedroom. Kyungsoo pushed the door shut and pressed you to it, already kissing you again. His hands disappeared under your shirt, kneading your waist, and you groaned into his mouth. "Bed," you insisted, pulling away from his mouth for a moment. Kyungsoo nodded but didn't move, pulling off your shirt and throwing it somewhere behind him, then sliding the straps of your bra down your arms.

Your stomach constricted as he licked his lips, looking down at you, and you grabbed his arms, turning around and pulling the both of you to the bed. Kyungsoo followed, landing just on top of you, his erection rubbing against your leg through his sweat. Kyungsoo leaned up and struggled with your tights for your second, until you raised your hips and kicked them off yourself, ignoring them to look at the way he stared at you, eyes dark and warm.

"Soo," you whined, and his eyes snapped back to you. "Touch me, do something, come on."

He pulled himself onto all fours, hovering over you. You wondered what you looked like from that angle, lips kiss-swollen, bra straps halfway down your shoulders and splotches on your neck from his attention earlier. He seemed to like whatever he saw, because he lowered his mouth to your chest, kissing and biting along your collarbones, lower, until he pushed your bra down. You reached behind you to take it off, but he left it on, letting it sit by your stomach as he lavished your breasts with kisses, biting gently at your pebbled nipples. You moaned and arched up, closer toward him. You didn't realise where his hands were going until one was at its destination, sneaking under your underwear to rub against your clit.

You squirmed underneath him as he shifted above you, getting comfortable. He nipped at your breasts, playing with you, while sliding his fingers along your folds. "You're so wet, baby," he whispered, and you nodded, bringing your hands up to bury in his hair. "Do you want me?"

"Please, Kyungsoo," you gasped out, and he acquiesced, pushing one finger slowly into you before sliding it back out, starting a slow pace of pushing into you. After a moment he added another, and you groaned as his thick fingers rubbed against your walls, stretching you out. You shifted, arching your back so he had a better angle.

Kyungsoo laughed, lifting his head up so he could look down at you. "You're so wriggly. You really want to come, huh?" You nodded, biting your lip as he rubbed at your clit with your thumb. "Can you come like this, sweetheart? Do you want to come just like this?"

You shook your head. "No," you said, Kyungsoo slowing his movements with a raised eyebrow. "I want you, I want to come around you."

Kyungsoo hissed and reached down, adjusting his sweatpants. You made a noise, reaching down yourself to push at the pants, tugging the hem down. He made an amused noise, leaning down to kiss you once. "You're so needy," he whispered, then kissed you again. "I love it."

You tugged at his sweatpants as he kissed you, pulling at the leg of one with your toes. He took the hint and finally kicked them off, leaving him naked in front of you. You broke the kiss to look down at him, inhaling at the sight of him.

You had seen him before, but that night—well, it had been night, your lights had been dimmed, and you had been slightly drunk on the heat and excitement of it all. His cock was bigger than you remembered, not too long but thick enough to make your jaw ache and legs clamp shut. You rubbed your thighs together, looking back at Kyungsoo, who was looking at you with pure unfiltered lust in his eyes.

"Can I—" you started, and he shook his head, moving to hover over you again.

"I want you."

His tone, his eyes, all of it went straight to your gut. You reared up, kissing him as you started to kick your underwear off. With one hand, you circled his cock, giving it a few hard strokes. He moaned into your mouth, pulling away to breathe heavily, keeping his forehead pressed to yours. You kept pulling him off until he pushed your hand away, readjusting himself so he was between your legs. Slowly, keeping his eyes on you, he entered you, giving you a moment to adjust.

You nodded after a second, groaning as he started to move, pulling out only to bury himself in you again. You closed your eyes as you began to move in response, swiveling your hips to meet his as he thrust into you. He hissed, finding a pace that you both liked, breathing heavily. The room rang out with your pants and groans, and the filthy sounds of flesh meeting flesh, all with the pleasant background of rain. Kyungsoo brought his lips back to you, leaving feathery kisses on your jaw, making you sigh out against him. Minutes passed in semi-silence from the both of you, your body growing tenser and tenser until his jerks suddenly grew more abrupt.

"I'm going to come," he said. You nodded, holding onto him tighter, digging your nails into his back. As his thrusts grew erratic, he dragged his hand down your body, and he began to play with your swollen clit, making you jerk underneath him at the sudden touch. "Come on, baby, come with me."

He pressed a hand underneath your back, making you arch up and changing the angle between you. With that, he pressed his thumb harshly to the head of your nub, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. The tightening in your stomach finally let go, your orgasm washing over you as you came, clenching around him. The added tightness seemed to get to him, too, and he began to come in hot spurts, his movement slowly ceasing as both of you grew too sensitive for it.

You were breathing heavily as he pulled out, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he did. The mess got on your legs, but you ignored it as you looked up at him, smiling. Your heart was beating too fast to be any good, and you were definitely going to be a little sore, but you felt as though you could run a mile.

Kyungsoo got off you, collapsing beside you with a huff. You turned as well, the both of you groaning at the squelching noise as some more cum seeped out of you. He made to get up, but you threw a hand and a leg over him, looking up at him. "Give it a second?"

"I'll be right back, we should get—"

You cut him off, shaking your head. "Give it a few minutes. This is going nowhere."

Kyungsoo hummed and stayed put, so you climbed onto his chest, smiling up at him. A slow smile grew on his face too, until he was all but grinning at you. You giggled, pressing your face to his chest.

"What's funny?"

You pecked his chest. "Nothing. I'm just happy." You looked back up at him. "I love you. Don't go anywhere."

His smile softened, eyes crinkling. "I love you too," he said softly. "And I'm not going anywhere."

[haiqyu]

Remember

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Did that old lady just disappear with the table of accessories? How did she do that? That's impossible! She couldn't have went to far.

I took Taeyong's hand and ran around the area to find the old lady, but she wasn't there. I scratched my head and looked at Taeyong. "where did she go? How did she do that? "

He just shrugged and took the situation lightly. He fiddled with the purple bracelet on his wrist. He smiled sadly at it. I huffed and crossed my arms. Does he see disappearing people all the time? But isn't disappearing people called ghosts?

"let's just walk around the area. I'll accompany you home after this. " he said while looking at the bracelet. He seemed like he was avoiding the situation.

I just nodded and tried to look for the old lady again. A few minutes later, I gave up looking for her and just plopped down onto a wooden bench. I scooted over and patted the seat next to me,signalling Taeyong to seat down too.

He took the seat beside me and still continued to look at the bracelet. We both kept quiet for a few minutes. It was getting more awkward to me, so I thanked him for the hair pin. "Hey, Taeyong. Thank you for the hair pin. It's really pretty. I really like it. " I smiled at him.

He blushed. "No problem... "

"if only you knew... " he mumbled under his breath.

"sorry, what did you say? "

"n-nothing! "

It was almost midnight. We held hand in hand as we walked towards my house. It was a quiet walk again. Neither of us said a word.

It seemed like the couple were in a palace. Who ever passed bowed and greeted them. It sseemed they were from a royal family. They walked hand in hand as well. Both hands held tightly to each other as if the other was about to leave. The female played with the bracelet on his wrist.

They both entered the room, which I assumed was their own bedroom. They closed the door and hugged each other tightly. Her head rested on his chest as they proclaimed their love to each other. The purple accessories twinkled in the dimly lit room as they started to make love. (SHIT IM CRINGING OH NY GOODDD)

I got back to reality. I looked down and realised that my cheeks were wet. I was crying when the flashback happened. I couldn't hold my emotions in and started sobbing. I didn't even know why I was crying. It felt like a reflex whenever I had a flashback. Sometimes, I would cry myself to sleep as well.

I stopped walking and continued crying. I tried to stop but the tears continued to flow naturally. Why am I so emotional? Now Taeyong might think that I'm weird. He's going to leave me. I let go of Taeyong's hand and hid my face with both of my hands. I sobbed into my hands and didn't dare to look at him.

I heard some shuffling of feet and felt two arms being wrapped around my body. The comforting smell of Taeyong signaled me that he was hugging me. He hugged me tightly and rested his chin onto my head. He sniffed his nose as if he was crying as well. I took my hands off and put my face into his shirt, making it soaked with my tears.

"it's okay... I'm not going to leave you again. " he whispered to me.

"a-again? " I hiccuped. "what do you mean again? "

"nothing. " he continued to hold me in his arms.

We stayed in this position for quite a while. No one said a word, only the sound of sobbing was heard. I calmed down a few minutes later. He slowly left go of me and wiped the remaining tears away with his sleeves. He swiped my hair away from my face. I got a good look of his face. His eyes and nose were red as if he was crying as well.

My eyes were puffy and blurry so I didn't know if what I saw was true. He combed my hair which soothes me, making me feel sleepy. Or maybe it's just the crying that made me tired. He took my hand and I told him the instructions to my house.

When we got there, he hugged me once more and waved good bye. I waved back and watched him walk off into the night. I went into my room, got into the shower and went to my bed.

I got ready to sleep but I shot up from my bed and realised. I didn't get his number. "ah shit. God dammit. I just forgot about... MMMMMM BOI"

I trashed around my bed and screamed into my pillow. Why am I so forgetful? That's such a good guy and he's a keeper. I'm so stupid! I grabbed my phone and checked my messages. I didn't use my phone the whole day but I only got one message. Wow. Relatable. It was from Johnny.

Johnny: are you feeling fine now?

Me: Yea... Thanks for caring man

Johnny: no problem :'))

He's a cool and caring dude but he doesn't have a girlfriend. Such a waste. But I only treated him as my friend and my colleague so...

I took about the old notebook from my nightstand. I started to write down the events today, just in case I forgot about it. I drew the purple hair pin with the purple bracelet. Taeyong seemed like a really nice guy, but I'm not sure of that's the Taeyong in the notebook. Life is suppose to be unfair, it's not so easy. I flipped to some of the pages and saw a phrase.

"The Happy Ending Never Came. " and surrounding it was some dried up tear marks on the paper.

I just wondered again. Will we ever get a happy ending in this life?

I flipped to another page. It was a family tree drawn by me in the past. Apparently Taeyong was the son of a king who died and passed the throne to Taeyong's brother. His brother's name was smudged but there's a letter 'o' in the name. His brother was the one who sent Taeyong to war...

I kept the book and looked out of the window. White particles started to fall from the sky. It's snowing... I got up and opened the window. I reached out and some snow touched the palm of my hand. I suddenly got a flashback.

Taeyong gasped for air as he laid in the snow. The snow around him was crimson red. His whole body shivering and was covered in snow. He looked up and saw another guy. He was wearing almost the same clothing as him, indicating that they were from the same tribe. He stabbed Taeyong in the heart. Taeyong coughed and tried to grip onto the sword to pull it out. The guy smirked and pushed the sword deeper into his chest. Before Taeyong died, the guy said while smirking,

"Long live the king. "

I fell onto the bed and sobbed. I gripped onto the bed sheets and continued to cry. Everytime winter comes, I would always have this flashback. But i wasnt in it. It hurts my heart and my soul. For the past 19 years of my life, I have been living in this roller coaster of emotions. Medicine didn't help. Therapy didn't help. Nothing helped. I will always be living in this misery until my soul mate comes.

I continued crying for hours and finally fell asleep.

I woke up feeling tired and lethargic. My eyes puffy and swollen. My face was red and there were dried up tears on my cheeks. I looked myself at the mirror. How disappointing. I showered and tried to freshen up.

I walked to the café quietly and slowly. The streets were covered with snow and it looked like a winter wonderland. I pulled onto my scarf and wrapped it tightly around my neck to keep myself warm. I put my hands into the pockets of my jacket. I walked into the café and got ready for my shift.

When I got to the counter, the first customer came in. I looked up and realised that it was Taeyong. I raised my eyebrows. Is he going to ask for my number? Is he coming in here for me or for the milkshake? Either way, I'm glad he's alive-i mean here.

"hey, (Y/n). Could I get a-"

"chocolate milkshake? "

"Yea... It tasted very good. "

He's here for the milkshake.

He paid for the milkshake and I went ahead to make it. After that, I pass the drink to him. He slid up some dollars as tips and a small piece of paper. I looked up and he was already on the seat, facing away from me.

"my number is xxxxxxxx. Lets go out again :)) -Taeyong"

Now I'm starting to think that Taeyong is the 'Taeyong' in the notebook. But I'm not sure. I have to go out with him to find out...

I took out my phone and typed in his number. I finally got his number. Phew... But now I have a problem. I don't know how to text him. I don't want to come out as very confident, needy or desperate. URGH

I finally calmed down and just typed, "hey!"

Now I'm starting to regret it. god, now I'm going of as overly excited. I'm died. I'm never getting laid. I'm never getting a boyfriend. I'm dying. A few seconds later, he texted back. I screamed internally and also a little bit externally.

We just chatted over the phone when we are just meters away from each other. We continued till the end of my shift. I got to know more about him and realised that he's the same age as me.

We got to hang out together after my shift. We went to another café and chilled there. We ordered some food and drinks. He paid for everything again and I felt bad. I tried to be fast but he already took out his credit card. I hit his arm playfully and sighed.

The cashier smiled. "you two are such a cute couple! Last long! "

I blushed so hard that I felt as if my head was going to pop off. I was about to deny it when Taeyong smiled back and said confidently, "thank you. We will. "

I choked on my own saliva and ran to an empty seat. I hid my face into my hands and didn't want to look at Taeyong. He's so husband boyfriend material. But I'm just not worth it. Taeyong headed over with the food and patted my head softly. "let's eat."

While eating, I took note of his habits. He nibbled his food first before taking a big bite. He sipped his drink but bring his mouth on to their straw instead of using his hands. He fiddled with his jacket everytime. Hes so cute.

We laughed and chatted while eating. That's a good process as yesterday's date was very quiet and there were less talking involved. Some sauce was on the side of his mouth. I took a tissue out and leaned over. I gently wiped the sauce off his face.

"you're such a messy eater, oppa!" the girl pouted and wiped the food off his mouth.

"I know you like it! " he pinched her cheeks.

"you're such a messy eater, Taeyong."

"but I know you like it. " he smiled.

I stopped and looked at him. It was the exact words the guy said in my flashback. Is he really... Taeyong?

He paused and chuckled nervously. He just stuffed his face with more food. After this, the conversation went quiet. Again, no one talked. His eyes wondered around as if he was avoiding to look at me.

After the food, we got up and walked out of the café together. He held my hand tightly as it started snowing again. The floor became wetter and whiter as snow continued to fall. Just then we bumped into my colleague, Johnny.

It seemed like the whole world paused for a while. Taeyong and Johnny looked at each other. Taeyong held me closer to him and his hand grabbed onto mine tighter.

"Johnny. "

"Hyung. "

[ilovethewayyoulovemelikethat]

Always Together (Slight Sexual Content)

Type: One Shot | Imagine about Rocky Rating: Rated R for slight sexual content Word Count: 2,688 Enjoy! I stood in line as I waited to get my ticket. I just wanted to go down town to meet up with my boyfriend. It seemed like it took forever but I finally got my ticket and I was on the train. It was about a three hour ride and it seemed like the last 30 minutes lasted forever. I finally got off the train, pulling my jacket closer as the breeze started to pick up. I could see him pulling up in the parking lot, I ran towards his car. He got out holding his arms open for me as I embraced him. He squeezed me tight in his arms as I wrapped my arms around his neck. It had been way to long since I've been with him, I just loved being in his arms. He pulled away slightly tilting my chin up kissing my lips slightly. I smiled against his lips as I kept the kiss between us, keeping my grip on him. He finally pulled away from me, opening the car door for me. He took my bags and placed them into the trunk before returning to the driver seat. I closed my door pulling the seat belt around me, he started the car allowing the heat to warm us up. I grabbed his hand lacing our fingers together as he started to drive. He focused on the road driving back to his dorm. I undid my seat belt as he got out of the car grabbing my bag out of the trunk. He opened the door for me, reaching for my hand. I grabbed his hand as he helped me out of the car, we started walking the hallways. We stopped at his room, he opened his door allowing me to enter first. His roommate was away for the weekend so I had Rocky all to myself. "All to our selves" I smiled. "Yea, you are all mine" he smiled. "I'm sure you love that" I placed my arm around his neck. "Whenever I can have you to myself" he smirked as he leaned down peeking my lips slightly. I gripped his sides as I looked up at him. Standing on my tippy toes kissing his lips softly, his hand against my neck. He leaned his forehead against mine as he pulled away. I looked up at him, knowing it was just him and I was the best feeling. Every since we finished high school life has gotten crazy, and we didn’t have much time for us. Someone how we still made it work, I guess our love was strong enough. He moved his hands down my sides gripping my hips in his hands. I smiled as I looked at him, I couldnt believe that he was actually in front of me. It was the longest 6 months of my life, being away from him it was like a piece of my heart was missing. "I love you" he wiped his thumb over my lips. "I love you" I smiled at his touch. "Im sure you have had a long day, want to get some rest?" he asked. "Sure" I nodded. I took off my jacket laying it over my bag, slipping my shoes and pants off before getting into bed. He smiled as he watched me get ready for bed, slipping his pants off. He made his way over to the bed turning the light off, climbing into bed. I snuggled right up to him resting my head on his chest as he pulled the covers over us. He held me close to him through the night, it wasnt until morning when he let go. He slipped out of bed making his way down to the cafe. I was still asleep when he returned with breakfast, he sat down on the bed rubbing my leg slightly. "Wake up sleppy head" he spoke softly. "I dont wanna" I groaned as I turned over. "I got breakfast babe" he smiled as he watched me. "Fine" I sighed as I sat up in the bed. He handed me my breakfast and my coffee. We sat on his bed eating breakfast together, trying to make plans for today. We had no idea what we wanted to do today. As long as I was with him it didn't matter what we did. It was still summer time so we finally decided to go to the pool. There was one close to campus. After I ate my breakfast, I opened my bag going through my things. I finally pulled out my blue bikini and shorts, I went into the bathroom to change. He had finished eating his breakfast by the time I returned to the room. "I forgot how beautiful you are" his eyes wandered over my body. "Why thank you" I grinned. "I'll get ready and then we can go, " he smiled. "Alright babe" I leaned over to kiss him softly. I pulled my hair up in a bun as he got ready. He grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers as we left his room. I followed him to where the pool was, there wasn't many people here. School didn't start for at least another week, Rocky just chooses to stay here instead of coming home. I placed my bag down at a table as I pulled my shorts off. He pulled his top off, reaching for my hand. I grabbed his hand moving towards him, he rested his hands on my hips. I could tell what he was trying to do. I placed my hand on the back of his neck, gently gripping it as he moved us towards the water. He tried to throw me in but I pushed him in. He crashed into the water soon coming up for air. I stood there laughing as he started to swim towards me. He splashed me with water as he started to laugh. I sat down on the edge, allowing my feet to go into the water. He swam up to me, placing his hands on my legs pulling me in. "Hey" I said as I came up for air. "You had it coming" he wrapped his arms around me. "Maybe" I rested my hands on his shoulders. I stayed close to him as he pressed me against the wall. I wrapped my legs around him as he kept his arms on my sides. I peeked his lips lightly, making him smile. He placed his hand on my chin gently titling it as he leaned in allowing his lips to linger against mine. I smiled into the kiss as I moved slightly allowing our lips to meet. He gently tugged at my bottom lip, he know how that drove me crazy. I rested my forehead against his as I pulled away from the kiss. "Why do you do that?" I asked. "What?" he smirked know exactly what I was talking about. "Drive me crazy" I bite my lip as I looked at him. "Because I love watching you squirm" he smiled. "I know how to tease you too, remember that" I said. "I know, " he kissed my lips softly. "Good, I know your weakness" I smirked. "I know, " he kept his hand against my chin. "Can I ask you something?" I looked at him. "Sure" He nodded. "Why didn't you want to come home?" I asked. "Because this is the only week I have free" he responded. "Oh, " I nodded as I looked down. "Don't think I don't want to come home and spend time with you because I do" he tilted my chin up. "I just thought it would be better if you came down, I'm sorry" he spoke softly. "Ok babe" I looked at him. We stayed in the pool for a while, until we both got hungry. I pulled myself out of the pool, grabbing my towel. I dried off as much as I could, he did the same as he got out of the pool. I slipped my shorts on as he put his shirt on, sliding my shoes on before grabbing his hand. I thought we were going back to his dorm, but he had other plans. We started walking downtown, the sun was sitting so the view was breath taking. He kept his grip onto my hand as we finally got to the restaurant. It was a small local restaurant, nothing too fancy since we were still in our bathing suits. He grabbed us a table, allowing me to sit down first. He slide in right beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I looked over the menu and everything looked good. I was stumped, I didn't know what to get, but it was clear he knew what he wanted. "What's good here?" I finally asked. "Shrimp, pizza, pretty much anything you see, " he nodded. "Oh ok" I smiled as I looked at him. "What?" he questioned. "Nothing, just happy to be here" I turned my attention back to the menu. "I don't want you to go, " he pouted. "I have a few days" I placed my hand onto his leg. "I know, " he said. We finally ordered our food and drinks. We sat in the booth just talking about things, catching up really. Our food finally arrived to our table things got quiet for a little while. He got up after we ate and paid for our meal, I waited for him at the door. He walked past me opening the door for me, I walked out behind him. He grabbed my hand as we started to walk back to the dorm, this was beautifully but also very quiet. I could tell something was on his mind, but I also knew the same thing was on mine. We finally made it back to his dorm. I sat on his bed as he closed the door behind us, we both were quiet. We stayed in for the rest of the night just cuddling on his bed watching movies on his laptop. I leaned up slightly peeking his cheek softly. I ended up falling asleep against him, he did the same. In the morning I woke up before him and I just watched him sleep peacefully. "Wake up sleepy head" I rubbed his chest. "What?" he groaned as he rubbed his eyes. "Morning babe" I said. "Oh morning" he sat up in his bed. "Are you ok?" I questioned. "Yeah​ im ok babe" he leaned over kissing me softly. I kept the kiss between us as he moved me onto his lap. I placed my hand against his neck, his hands gripping my hips. I deepened the kiss slightly, his hands sliding up my sides. He pushed my shirt up removing it from my body, throwing it down on the ground. I tugged on his shirt as I placed my lips back against his. He took his shirt off also tossing it on the ground, placing his hand against my chin. He pushed his hips up turning me onto my back against the bed. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he moved between my legs. I ran my hand down his chest playing with his button on his pants. He leaned down kissing me softly as he started to push my shorts down. I lifted my hips slightly allowing him to remove my shorts, I started to undo his pants. He got up from the bed removing his pants, he got back over me leaning down kissing me softly. He used his knees to spread my legs out more as he rested between my legs. He slipped his hand between my legs, rubbing his thumb against my clit. I let out a moan as I ached my back, begging for his touch. He replaced his hand with his tip, rubbing it along my slit allowing it to get wet. We stayed tangled up in the bed for most of the day, just enjoying each others bodies. "Maybe we should go get something to eat" he tried to catch his breath. "Yeah​ we should" I smiled. We finally got dressed and went out into the real world. It was nearly dinner time when we finally left the dorm. We just got take out food and found place on the beach to sit and eat. The sun was sitting and once again it was beautiful, especially with the water reflection. He wrapped his arm around me as I rested my head against his shoulder. "This is beautiful" I said. "It is" he agreed. "Are we going to be ok?" I asked. "Of course we are babe" he rubbed my arm. "Its going to suck when I have to leave" I pouted. "I know babe but we will make it" he nodded slightly. "I love you Rocky" I played with his hand. "And I love you babe" he pressed a kiss into my forehead. We spent the rest of the week doing things together. Swimming in the ocean, plus going to the zoo and getting ice cream. I could say it was one of the best weeks I had and that was because I was with him. That Sunday came all too soon and I didn't really want to leave, I had gotten use to sleeping next to him. I packed my stuff back into my bag as he sat on the bed, he didn't want me to leave either. "Do you have to go?" he asked. "I dont have a place to stay or a job, it would take a while before I could move down here" I said. "I know that, I just hate being away from you" he said. "I know and I hate being away from you" I sat next to him. "Maybe we can do this once or twice a month?" he asked. "We will see" I nodded. I finished packing my things and he took me to the train station. I bought a ticket as he walked with me to my station. I hugged him close to me not wanting to let go. He kept his grip on me until the very last second. I finally pulled away from him and got onto the train, he waited until the door closed until he left the station. Things got crazy in our lives, but we always made it through, I hated being away from him. I also knew the holidays were coming up and he would be coming home to them. It had been a few weeks since I last saw him, we would always talk on the phone and Facetime. "What's wrong?" he asked over the phone. "Nothing, " I said. "I know you baby, what's going on?" he asked. "Rocky we need to talk, " I said. "Ok, what about?" he asked. "I'm pregnant" I took a deep breath in waiting for his response. "Don't be scared, I'll hop on a train and be there in a few ok?" he said. "It's ok, I'm ok baby. I just want to know what we are going to do" I said. "Do you want to keep it?" he asked. "I would love to but with our situation its complicated" I said. "We will figure it out, I love you, " he said. "I love you, " I said before hanging up the phone. To be honest, I was terrified and didn't know what to do. He had over 2 years of school left and now throwing a baby into the mix. I knew our lives would just get crazier, but I also knew everything would work out. As crazy as that seemed to say, I knew our love was strong enough to make it through this. He came home for the holidays plus anything to do with my pregnancy. After the holiday season he didn't go back to school that was so far away, he transferred closer to home. Of course I loved that because I could spend all the time I wanted with him. It's crazy how life sometimes works, but I knew we would always be together.

[askthealaskan]

OCT 16 2019

I woke up not knowing at first where I was. Boston. The answer came to me through a sleepy haze that only 4 hours of sleep brings. My plane was 2 hours late from my scheduled arrival at midnight and a ride to an affordable hotel an additional hour more. After a $50 cab ride I determined I needed a cheaper way back to the airport. So I asked the hotel, and checked with my phone, to find the best route. They both said catch the red train on the nearby MTA station. No problem I think to myself, Ill just catch a train. Twenty five minutes later a cab arrives. Is this guy the only cab in Boston I ask myself. It takes me awhile to realize I’m watching a species becoming extinct. Taxis are being “uberized.” I think to myself that I could be riding the last cab in Boston. We arrive safety to the station.

Ah the MTA. The station is humming and I feel like I’m back in a real city again. This must the MTA that Ive heard folk songs about the guy who never returned after getting on it.

I usually fly through these stations. I learned how in my backpacking years some 30 years ago before the internet was invented by Al Gore. Back then we had to carry guide books along to clue us into how each city’s system was set up. Still, we can have problems. My problem was since I was moving in, I was carrying all the luggage I was allowed by the airline to carry on the plane with me. I had two large bags each carrying just under the max weight level, and the two allowed hand carry bags. The killer was one of the hand carried items was small enough to qualify to fit as a hand carry, but it weighed as much as an anvil . I had devised a method of carry it all but it would take some organizing and a little time before initiating each stage of the trip.

There are two types of subway ticket gates in the world, one you grab the ticket back AFTER you pass through the gate and one when grab the ticket BEFORE you pass through the gate. Apparently in Boston its the later to the amusement of locals when out of towners try to pass through the gates with 4 bags at once without a ticket.

I refuse to be flustered I reorganize my luggage and instead adopt the New York attitude before I arrive at the platform. Im not sure what direction I need to go as a train pulls into the station. I quickly ask the guy next to me if the train is going toward South Station. I say it like Im going to “fire his ass” if he doesn’t give me an answer right now. It works and it is my train but not his. I scramble onboard with my bags in good order but take up two seats doing so. As the train gets closer to town the car fills up. Across from me the occupants watch me as I shift my bags around. They do it in the way big city people do - always avoiding direct eye contact but sneaking in glances when you seem to be not noticing. They are all women. One is black lady late 20’s and seems to be dressed for work someplace that requires uniforms. Next to her is a short older Vietnamese looking oriental woman sitting next to a young blonde white girl with a backpack. She soon reaches into her pack and grabs what looks like are lecture notes and is going over them with a high lighter ( do people still do that?) Standing next them is a young Japanese girl fashionably dressed with a handbag. She looks ready to do some serious damage to a credit card balance.

More and more get on the car and soon every seat is taken. As my train gets close to my station I begin to try to organize my burden in the only configuration that I have found that works. But that takes more time and space than a train stop allows. We arrive anyway and it is apparent I need help getting things off the train. The little Vietnamese lady speaks to me. Its obvious she doesn’t speak English but just as obvious she wants to help me. She offers to take one of the bags for me. I quickly evaluate my options and decide that I could probably catch her if she tried to take off with it. With her help Im able to get everything off the train. I start to thank her and retrieve my bag but she’s not done helping me. She takes off for the escalator looking back to see if I am following her. Nevermind that I had planned to use the elevator. I took off after her and up the escalator we went. When I reached the top she was just a little bit in front of me when I realized she was trying to take me to the airport train. She is thinking that’s where most people with luggage are going. I grab my bag and begin trying to communicate that to her while at the same time she is emphatically trying to explain in rapidly spoken Vietnamese that I needed to hurry. It becomes a bit of a scene and I hear a voice say “Can I help?” I turn around and a large nordic man with a beard looking like a New England Loster fisherman, however that’s supposed to look like, is standing there. It slows the Vietnamese Lady but doesn’t totally stop her. The fisherman explains to me where I need to go then hops on the train he was waiting for to come. The Vietnamese lady seems to have grasped my intended destination and takes me over to the elevator that I need to take me to the bus station. I thank her many times over and the door closes. Im free!

A friend recently told me I need to trust and let people help me. Today was reassurance that people are good and if you feel right about it, you should trust those instincts

Next its the three hour bus ride to Montpelier, the capital of Bernie Sanders land. I realize now that Boston is not the best place to fly into to get to where I’m going. Nothing really is. I booked the ticket, actually two because they limit bags to one per seat, before I left in case it sold out. No worries about that for this Wednesday departure . It appears this route is catered to students of Vermont University judging by the youthful faces hauling backpacks. A lady appears with a roster and checks for tickets. I fumble with pulling out my phone with the 12 digit ticket number. She grows impatient and waves me on board. It becomes apparent she has her own bus and is not the driver of this bus . The driver is beside her but he doesn’t speak. He has a scowling disposition that is clearly not suited for guest service. She’s obviously filling that role for him. I remember my days trying to recruit driver/guides to work the summers in Alaska. Very seldom did you find a candidate who could drive a 30 foot bus and have an engaging personality. My driver only mumbled stops. We took off for the three hour ride and it wasn’t until the bus arrived in Burlington that I should have gotten off a half an hour earlier at the park n ride. On the map It looked like the bus went right through MontPelier on the way to Burlington. Not so, it skirts the town. So I get off with the students and call my people at Country Camper. Its too late to pick up Morrison today so I tell them Ill catch the bus down in the morning. As I walk to a nearby hotel that wants to charge me a three figure price for a room, I pass by the transit station and see that there is a bus leaving for Montpelier in 20 minutes. I can get a cheaper room.So I haul my bags over to the bus stop trying not to look like the homeless person that I actually am. The bus driver pulls up and shakes his head at the load Ive got. He grudgingly allows me on the bus. He tells me that it wilI only be this one time. I assure him that it will never happen again. I pile my stuff in the front row of seats. The fare is $4 but I have no change. I show him a twenty Im about to put in the fare box. I tell him that since Im taking up four seats that I’ll pay for them. I try to explain that im a visitor and was not trying to disrupt his day. The next few stops he picks up regulars that catch his bus. We make the thirty minute drive over to Mountpelier and the bus empties most of its occupants at a park’n’ride. He ask me where Im getting off. I tell him Im not certain. He gets frustrated . I tell him im just trying to book a cheap hotel for the night and planned to get off where I could take a taxi to it. He says there is an Econolodge on his route and we head off. He takes right to the hotel and makes an unofficial stop in front of the hotel. He helps me to off load and wishes me well. The desk clerk who sees this comes down to help with the bags. I get to my room finaly and collapse.

People are basically good at heart and I am learning to accept their help.

In the morning Connor from Country Camper comes and picks me up. I have talked with many of the staff in the process of buying this rig. I know them by name, Conner, Dan, Thomas, Merwin, Krista. My arrival is highly anticipated, everyone wants to see the guy who came all the way from Alaska to buy the van. I try to explain that Alaska is far from anywhere else and if im going to fly it really makes no difference where Im going. The owner Lance pops out of his office to say hello and pretty soon I’ve drawn a crowd of curious employees and customers who want to see the Alaskan who came to Vermont to buy a camper van. When Im finally pulling out the staff has made their way outside to take pictures and wave goodbye. I have my Alaska License Plates on and looking good.

First stop is Walmart and Goodwill to get supplies. Lance has bought me a hotel room for the night. So I am staying I Downtown three blocks from the capitol. It reminds me of the Baranof hotel in the capital city I know so well. I don’t get back until 8pm and im starved. I try to google a close by place to eat. I head out but the place I chose cant be found. There is nothing else but this bistro. I enter and get seated. It becomes apparent that this place is out of my price range but im out of time. I order just the tomato soup. It was the best tomato soup I ever had.

The next day I drive out town with the goal of finding fall foliage. A storm hit the area and many leaves fell but the show was still good. I drive toward Green Mountain with the goal of generally heading toward Portland Maine. I follow my whims and that leads me to Darmouth before I turn to the north. I get tired so pull over on remote road and camp in my van for the first time. I have to admit I didn’t sleep well. The silence only accentuated the alien sounds that the coach makes. I ll get used to them.

In the morning I am up before the sun and outside early on the road. I see a spur road that the morning sun is lighting up nicely. I turn down it until I reach a good place to pull over and park. I take my camera and walk down the road and past some nice properties . I reach the end of the road when a car comes down the road with a yellow English lab sticking his head out of the window. The car stops and Im ready to explain myself and my intentions. No need to. Ive been approved by Blizzard Andy’s companion . Andy bounds from the car and offers to show me his property that I did not dare venture down without permission. He’s a carpenter and interested in my travel plans. I mention that I am looking for a builder for a piece of property that I own in Juneau. He is interested and we hit it off. Andy is in his mid thirties and unmarried. He hopes to build a house on his property one day. He was an extreme snowboarder on the circuit but one too many concussions ended his career. He gets around his home town of Romney New Hampshire and offered to take me around town. He takes me two a rock that has been split and craved by water. He waves at people he knows and they wave back. Its clear that he is well liked in the community. After touring and talking about everything from politics, travel, and even women we head for the ski resort in hopes of lunch and a possible ride up the lift for some potential great shots. Unfortunately the owners had closed the restaurant for a wedding. Back in town we went for lunch and Andy knows everyone. He introduces me and mentions my quest. They size me up like Im something the cat dragged in. Then Nick, the shop s owner, strides across the space between us to shake hands. Everyone else relaxes. Its clear that they are protective of Andy an want to be sure im not going to do him harm. But its clear by our banter that we share much already.

AFter lunch we visit Terry, a friend Andys my age who lives nearby. He is a graphic line artist and has a studio. When we arrive Terry is watching the last of a college football game featuring Terry’s alma mater Miami. We talk and Terry gets distracted from his game.It ends and we visit his studio. He teaches art at the local University and serves as the towns Bernie Sanders campaign chair. His wife pops her head into the room and Terry introduces me. She miles but then leaves without saying anything. Andy tells me she is battling Alhiemers disease. We don’t speak of it or of politics. We head out to his garage shop and Terry shoes me his work and how he makes his prints using plates. His work reminds me of a friend back home Evon Zerbets. After a while we leave but not after they share a bit of “Parkenson’s “ medication . Andy drops me off with Morrison . There is live folk music at the cafe that night but I regretfully decline the offer. In my younger days of trailing I would have been right there but “a man has to know his limitations” We say goodbye and exchange email . Hopefully Ii will see Andy again one day. In the morning I take afew shots down by the river that passes below Andy’s land then hit the road.

#AskTheAlaskan #morrison

[abbymcnevinstudio]

Leaving Brunei ..

The blog challenge today is writing my day in great detail.

So yes, it is true, I’m leaving the country… temporarily for a quick trip only :) i’ll be back by next week anyway.

The day started with me waking up at 5.30AM, which means I only got 2hrs of sleep cos I wasnt able to doze off until around 3.30AM. After getting ready, I continued packing my stuff and I literally have to sit on my luggage to lock it cos it’s “throwing up” items inside :p It is not a regular luggage that I usually use (zipped type), this is a lock type instead - snap and lock! I put in a smaller luggage inside it and place another backpack on top…which explains the “throwing up” phenomenon.

I had a conversation with my mum before leaving the house. She is still unwell and Im actually worried bout leaving. However, Tawakkal Ala Allah… my prayers are always with her and I put my trust to my brother to take good care of our mum while Im away.

Im picking up Cyb from her house supposedly before 8AM as I told her we’ll leave from her house latest by 8AM. Actually the latest could be 8.30AM but I purposely told her half an hour early so she’ll be ready or maybe almost ready :p and in case she’ll be needing an extra time, we got 30 mins to spare :p as expected, some time taken and we finally moved from her house at 8.20AM.

Driving to the airport was okay, tho to be honest I was feeling a little drowsy. Cyb’s family went to the airport in a separate car. We reached Berakas Airport in 40 mins cos I was driving like an old dying snail.

I parked my car at the seasonal parking space, was charged $30 for 1 week. Since the rest of the family havent arrived, we decided to check in first. Cyb and I went in and quee with full confidence at the first check in lane.. unknowingly the lane has changed! The first one is only for those who had checked in online. How embarassing.. However, we were lucky. The person attending us, a lovely lady was kind enough to let us in! :) The rest of the family have to quee at the normal lane however, was quite long but not so bad since it was still early.

We proceeded boarding in when it’s time. Being in the plane with Cyb and her family for the first time feels like my first time travelling with a “family”. I’ve travelled with a group of people but not a family. Although I am not part of the family at all and in fact the only “outsider” in the group, it still brings warmth in my heart.

I fell asleep in the plane after lunch was served. I selected ayam percik and odd enough, it was served with tuna potato salad :p In every of my flight, I have always always asked for pineapple juice but exception for today, it was not available for the first time. It was only a choice between orange and mango juice :/

Reaching bangkok airport, I led the way as if I knew the place very well. I feel “responsible” to at least led the group to get to the right track going out from the big airport. All went smooth and we ordered a grab XL car.

To my surprise, the thais kinda look like Malay. I havent feel like Im in Thailand so far. It feels like KK instead. Most probably is because of the people and buildings here. I am really surprised to see the very malay look alike most of the people here are. They are less aggressive too and very polite people!

The distance between the airport and the apartment we’re staying are quite far. I was sleepy but unable much to sleep. I decided to get social with Cyb’s family.

We are staying at Sunreno service apartment, at Charoen Krung.. at least for today. Tomorrow we are going to switch hotels to tour Pratunam.

The first thing I do when I got into the room was switch on the aircond :p the aircond didnt cool the entire room quick enough although the aircond is cold enough and working well. I found myself falling asleep on the floor, just below the aircond :p

I woke up after some time, prepared myself hot chocolate and cup noodle. Cyb informed me that the place we’re heading to (Asiatique) opened at 4pm…so we have 1.5hrs to spare. For the first time, I straightened Cyb’s hair with the flat iron I brought along all the way from Brunei.

The socket in Thailand is not my usual everyday socket back in Brunei. I was unaware it is going to be different. While I usually use socket type G every single day, here in Thailand is using socket type B! My phone charger plugs are really useless at this point. Thank goodness Cyb brought her previous samsung plug which supported those socket.

We had our dinner at an indian restaurant. The restaurant has an interesting name, “Mrs Balbirs” :) after dinner, we went our own ways, shopping and looking around the variety of things on sale. I manage to buy the suitable charger plug to charge my phone for 100baht ^^,

The rain was still pouring when we went back. It was almost 11pm when we went back. I took my time showering and then relaxing on the bed. Cyb and I talked for a bit til we both fell asleep.

UPDATE: I was supposed to post this last night but I fell asleep. Yesterday we toured Chareon Krung and this morning we explored Chak Phet. Today will be another adventure to Pratunam :)

[thefatedmeeting]

i tweeted a lot abt the concert yesterday and i translated it to eng so i coudl send it to meg so im gonna just paste it here for the record. warning: im very excited

okay. the tweets start after i got in the hotel from the show so ill translate them all hsdfgj

everyone i cant stay here for a long time cuz the wifi sucks and im really nuts but im so dead i have no words guys idk i cant believe i saw my sons live sdkfjsdf

the choreos and dances and them speaking portuguese and jin and suga and hoseok crying im emo

i was kinda far away, i couldnt see their faces neatly but i could identify their body shape and im so emo

them saying they were happy to come and they wwanted to come more frequently and they were sad to go and jin (THE GUY FROM AWAKE) saying he feels better bec of the fans im :(((((

when suga and namjoon sang their solos i was almost crying tbh kfdjd

and taehyung was wearing that bandana, this man is truly trying to kill me sdfsdf

im gonna be that guy but tae's choreos were super beautiufl and i am very fuckenigh in love

i wanted to talk abt my day and the queue and abt my sons more, but im super tired soo GOOD NITE

there were sooooooooo many people, so many fuckin people, the biggest queue of my life skdjfsdf and a lot of young ppl too damn. but it was so beautiful, the fans and the boys singing together :((( im emo

i woke up super early, i was like so fuckin sleepy sdkfjsdf we boarded the plane etc, the trip was nice, i was super nervous but we arrived well, already in the plane i spotted a lot of fans sdkfjsdf

when the plane landed it kinda shook a little and a girl SHRIEKED a nervous laugh i had to fuckfign laugh out loud it was so funny dfjkgdfhgfdh

okay so we got to the hotel, tehre were armys there too, wow guys there were so many armys in sao paulo you kick a lamppost and 10 would pop out

our hotel room was super simple but it was good, and comfortable. the bed was a+++++++++

me and my sis went out for lunch then we went to the concert venue, i was super nervous but thanks to the medicine i got better sdkfjskjdf man. when we got there the queue was HUGE. the biggest queue of my life

there WERE SO MANY PEOPLE SERIOUSLY and a lot of young ppl, like even babies. there was a baby who was jiimin's fan i was like sdlffj

there were ppl selling merchandise too it was the biggest amt of bts stuff ive evers een in my life in one place holy shit. i loved it tho i wish i couldve bought a t shirt or something as a token but i only bought myself a bandana rip sdkfjsdkfjskfsd anyway, we stood there for like HOURS we arrived at like 3pm until fuckin 7pm my legs are all dead, i woke up w a cramp last night sfgdfg

while the queue moved i talked to armys, everyone was so fuckin excited they started yelling JHOOOOOOOPE AND SCREAMING OUTTA NOWHERE I WAS LIKE WHATS HAPPENIGNG

THERE WERE PPL IN THE QUEUE FOR THE \NEXT DAY\ DUDE. IT WAS RAINING SLIGHTLY LIKE PLEASE REST FRIENDS DONT DO THIS DSFGDG

i found it funny that the merchandise sellers (?) researched bts so hard, they were using fan lingo ksdjflsdkjfs ive never seen this holy shit. it felt like idk those anime cons i used to go on high school, except times 10000000 and with like more excitable ppl

after we entered the venue, ppl started singing, sometimes there was a drone recording stuff, and at some point their staff came over to take pictures

i was trying to find my friends but i was so fuckening lost and they were out of the venue still sdfsdfsdfsdf

at some point it turned into a single person queue (?) and then my friend found me thanks to me jumping and some fan's mom lending me her umbrella so i could spin it sdkfjsdf

anyway <3 me and gabs started talking abt the show, the boys, the fans, life universe and everything else. shes so sweet. i adopted her as my second sister xoxo

the queue was so big it went around the fuckin block, smh. when we got to the venue we started getting hyped sdlfkjsdlkfjsdf we managed to enter nicely, then we got up super nuts and IT WAS SO NICE INSIDE THERE

we got to a nice place in the front except it wasnt our assigned seats so we had to split up later sdkfjsdf but damn, it filled up super quick, i was shocked. i could see the stage quite nicely, i kinda regret not seeing their faces properly but i SAW them and i died and i emotionally hugged all of them so tiengo nada a perder sdfsdf

OKAY SO i filmed so many things. i was like trying to watch the concert, looking at the stage, looking at the screens, yelling, singing and filming skdfjsdf

when they started showing the mvs i was HYPED everyone was already singing and it was hard to not get into that excited vibe

AND THEN AN OPENING VIDEO STARTED AND I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT ITS STARTING

IT OPENED W NOT TODAY AND IM SDLFHALFHALFHALKHALFKAHD AND EVEYRONES STARTED GETTING UP ON THEIR FEET AND IWAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK GUYS I WANNA STAY SEATED BUT I HAD NO CHOICE, EVERYONE WAS STANDING ALL THE TIME SO I HAD TO DO IT TO SEE THINGS SDKFJSDF

THEY STARTED TALKING AND I COULDNT HEAR ANYTHING THERE WERE SO MANY PPL SINGING AND YELLING IT WAS HARD. I SORTA GOT THE "BRAZIL" AND "TAO CURTINDO (ARE YOU LIKING IT)" AND TAE SAYING "AMAMOS VOCES/ WE LOVE YOU"

LATER I FOUND OUT JHOPE SIAD BRAZIL WAS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE TOUR THAT SOLD OUT AND I WAS EMMO THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY

AT FIRST they looked tired but later they got excited bec the fans were... like so hyped sdflksdf

THEN CAME AM I WRONG, BAPSAE AND DOPE AND I DIED SDLFKSJDF THE CHOREOS BRO I WAS LIKE HOW CAN THEY DANCE LIKE THAT FOR REAL I CANT BELIEVE IT

it was so nice to hear everyone singing and yelling ogether it felt like we were performing with them too! dude idk i was emo

THEN CAME BEGIN AND JUNGKOOKS CHOREO AND IML IEK WHAT THE FUCK DUDE HOW CAN U DANCE LIKE THIS TEACH ME? BITHC

THEN JIMIN'S DANCE AND I DIED TOO GODDAMN! his dancing style is super smooth and sensual and like, the sense of weight is so light i die

it was so cool to hear ppl yelling their names, holy shit man sdkfjsdf

THJEN I THOUGHT STIGMA WAS COMING UP BUT SUGA CAME UP W FIRST LOVE AND I DEIED WITH THE PIANO HOYL SHIT DUDE THE COMBINATION OF THE VIDEO BEHIND HIM AND HIM RAPPING AND THE TONE OF THE SONG I WAS ALMOST CRYINFG DUDE IDK GABS LATER TOLD ME SUGA HAD CRIED AND I WAS LIKE BITCH ME TOO

THEN CAME UP LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST REPRESENTING ME BEC I WAS  SO LOST IN SAO PAULO HOYL SHTI SDKFJSDF

THEN SAVE ME CAME UP!!! AND HOLY SHIT I WENT HNUTS BECAUSE SAVE ME INTRODUCED ME TO THEM!!!! AND I DIED BEC TRHE TRANSITION FROM SAVE ME TO I NEED U WAS SOO GOOD IN THE END OF SAVE ME'S CHOREO THEY GO DOWN AND I NEED U STARTS W THEM RISING UP I DIED

THEN REFLECTIONNNNNNNNNN CAME UPPPPPP AND I WAS EMO AGAIN THE VIDEO AND NAMJOON OH YM GOD GUYS AND THEN HE SAND "I WISH I COULD LOVE MYSELF" AND EVERYONE ELSE SANG "WE LOVE YOU" BACK TO HIM AND HE GOT ALL CHOKED UP HOLY SHIT DUDE IM EMO TOO I IWHS I COULD EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT THESE KIDS THAT SUFFER WITH THE RUSH OF THE IDOL LIFE BUT IF THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD IM HAPPY AS FUCK

SO BITCH. STIGMA COMES UP AND I ALREADY AM DEAD AND DYING AND SINGING ALONG AND TAE'S HIGH NOTE CAME UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP IM STILL SCHJOPKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

AND THEN COMES MAMA!!!!!!!! HOSEOKS KID PHOTOSSSD FSDFSDF AND THE FANS SINGING ALONG HOLY SHIT GUYS AT THE TIME OF THE BREAK HE STARTED MAKING A CRYING FACE AND A CHOKED UP VOICE AND  IALMOST CRIED WITH HIM

AND THEN JIN CAME BUPPPPP IM ALWAYS EMO WITH AWAKE BEC HE THINKS HES TALENTLESS AND HAS NO HABILITY BUT TDUDE EVERYONE SCREAMED HIS NAEM AND THE HIGH NOTESS I WAS KIKEAAAAAAAAAA BITHCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AFTER THAT I THINK THERE WAS CYPHER 4 AND THATS WHEN I TRULY LOST IT FUCK! THERES NO WAY TO SCREAM AND SING ALONG W CYPHER IDK DUDE IT WAS SO FUN TO GO OFF IT WAS ONE OF THE PERFORMANCES I LIKED THE MOST W THE FANS, AFTER SPRING DAY

THEN CAME UP FIRE AND IDIED W THE CHOREO, NOTHING NEW, AS ALWAYS I DIED THANKS. THEN THEY STOPPED AND I HEARD RAPMON ASKING IF WE WERE ENJOYING IT AND I DIED ALREADY LISTNEING TO IT COULDNT EVEN HEAR THEM, I HAD HEARD THEM TALK A BIT MORE TOO BUT I COULDNT MAKE ANYTHING OUT OF IT CUZ THEY WERE LIKE "SDJFSDF ??" AND EVERYONE SCREAMED AT IT

THEN THE MASHUP CAME UPGPPPPPPP I WAS SCREMAING SO MUCH ESP AFTER NO MORE DREAM. I FORGOT TO MENTION BUT BAPSAES DANCE BREAK KILLED ME TOO. AND THE CONFETTI IN RUNNNNNNNNNNNN I WAS EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEN 21 CENTURY GIRLS CAME UP AND I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT TAE IDK HE SEESM TO DANCE THAT SONG RLLY NICELY AND IM WEAK

THEN THEY TALKED W US AGAIN AND I HEARD ONE OF THEM SAY THAT CONCERT WOULD ENTER THEIR STORY AND IT WAS THERE JIN SAID HE FELT BETTER BEC OF THE FANS, REFERRING TO AWAKE. FBITCH

THEN THEY COME UP W BOY MEETS EVIL AND IM SDLÇFKJSDFLKJSDF AND THEN BLOOD SWEEAT AND TEARS I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT THE CHOREO HOLY SHIT WHAT A SONG!!! I HAD HEARD NAMJOON SAY BEFORE BOY MEETS EVIL THAT IT WAS THEIR LAST SONG BUT I WAS LIKE NAHHH U LYIN

BUT AFTER A LARGE PAUSE THERE WAS WINGS AND 2!3! I DONT REMEMBE RHTE ORDER BUT HOL FUCKING SHIT I ALMOST CRIED IN WINGS, CLAPPING DYIGNH IDK

THEN THEY CAME UP W SPRING DAYYY AND HOLY SHIT THE FANS SINGING AFTER IT ENEDDED I ALMOST CRIED AGAIN THE BOYS WERE ALL EMO AND IM LIKE BITCH ME TOO HUG ME. JIN WAS ACTUALLY CRYING

THEN THEY TALKED ABT BRAZIL I DONT REMEMBER MUCH BUT THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO COME HERE AGAIN, MORE FREQUENTLY, THEY WERE SAD TO GO AND THEY CALLED THE FANS THEIR WINGS. AND I FORGOT THAT BITCHING VIDEO THEY SHOWED UP BEFORE WINGS

SPEAKOING OF THE "BOY WHO GROWS UP" AND OF THE BOYS UNITED AND THE SEVEN HEARTS INSIDE ONE, AND ONE HEART UNITED WITH SEVEN AND IM LIKE "EGFAYUHFAUFHE LET ME SIT DOWN I CANT RISE UP AFTER THAT ONE" JESUS CHRIST DUDE WHAT ATHE FUCK I CANT RECOVER FROM THAT

AFTER THE CONCERT I FOUND GABS OUTSIDE, SHE HELPED ME FIND MY SIS SDKFJSDF THEN WE FOUND BIA AFTER SOME STRUGGLING SHE WAS SOOO OUT OF IT CUZ SHE SAW THEM FROM UP CLOSE . THEN WE WENT BACK TO THE HOTEL MY SWEET SISTER BOUGHT ME A BURGER KING SO I WOULDNT BE HINGRY AND I WAS LIKE EATING RLLY OUT OF IT

I SLEPT NICELY. LIKE, NOT 100% BUT NICELY. WOKE UP W NO VOICE AT ALL AND A BITCHING CRAMP IN MY LEGS SDSFS WE WENT TO A FAMOUS PARK LATER AND ITTWA S SUPER NICE WE BIKED ALONG IT AND MY LEGS DIED BUT I WAS A HAPPY MAN SDLFJSDF

ANYWAY WE WENT ABC KTO THE AIRPORT AND IT WAS COOL. I DIDNT THINK I WOULD LOVE THEM MORE THAN I CURRENTLY DO BUT AFTER THIS CONCERT I CAME UP AT A NEW LEVEL IM SUPER OUT OF IT DUDE. WOKE UP TODAY AND IT STILL FEELS LIKE IM THERE I LEFT PART OF MY SOUL THERE

[lotsofdogs]

Things I’m Loving Friday #241

Friday is here!! WOOP! How are you guys doing? I hope you all had a nice week!

Things are going well over here. Ryder seems to be slowly transitioning out of the sleepy newborn baby stage and into the more awake/needy infant stage so this past week was filled with tons of cuddling, soothing and feeding. I remember feeling like Chase “woke up” when he turned three weeks old and the same thing is proving true for Ryder.

On Wednesday my Aunt Laurie was passing through Charlotte en route to Boone, North Carolina (she lives in Raleigh) and stopped by our house to meet Ryder. She ended up staying for four hours which was so, so nice!

We affectionately call my Aunt Laurie the baby whisperer in our family because she’s absolutely incredible with babies. She regularly volunteers in her church nursery and somehow knows exactly what to do to soothe babies when they’re fussy. It’s a talent for sure and seeing her interact with Ryder and Chase was so wonderful.

As for this upcoming weekend, we have a doctor’s appointment for Ryder on the agenda and not much else. Since Ryder “woke up” this week and isn’t settling quite as quickly after his middle-of-the-night feedings, I’ve found myself feeling more exhausted at the end of the day so I’m hoping to enjoy a quiet weekend at home much like last weekend.  I hope you all have a great weekend and enjoy the next few days!

Now onto the usual Things I’m Loving Friday shenanigans…

Things I’m Loving Friday 

Third Birthday Party Planning

For Chase’s birthday party this year, I wanted to keep things small and casual but since he’s now reached the age where he understands birthdays and thinks birthday cake, candles and celebrating just about anything is the coolest, I didn’t want to simply gloss over his third birthday. When my friend Lauren approached me with the idea of a combination birthday party for our little ones (they’re best friends and only four days apart), it sounded perfect!

We’re in the middle of planning a small pool party birthday for Chase and Claire and I’m getting so excited for their special day! I’m far from a fancy party planner but I absolutely love brainstorming party ideas and browsing Pinterest for party inspiration even if our parties never look anything like the Pinterest-perfect parties out there. For Chase and Claire’s third birthday party we’re doing a Dragons and Unicorns theme (Chase is 100 percent obsessed with dragons and Claire is a big-time fan of unicorns) and I hope our little ones love it. We’re having a lot of fun planning right now (we just ordered big unicorn and dragon pool floats to have bobbing around in the pool — not that our 3-year-olds will actually ride them!) and I can’t wait!

Moonlight Pajamas (Short Version + Long Version) 

I’ve received a few questions about the pajamas I wore in the hospital after Ryder’s birth and I figured they deserved a shout out here! I ended up packing both the short and long versions of these incredibly soft Moonlight Pajamas and have been living in them ever since Ryder arrived. They’re nursing friendly (I think they’d make such a thoughtful postpartum or baby shower gift for a new mom) and the fabric is so soft and perfect for year-round wear. They’re available in a variety of colors but I love the black since it hides milk stains. (Bonus: They’re currently $20 off as part of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale!)

The Whole Smiths Good Food Cookbook

Now that I’m back to drinking coffee almost every morning (I gave it up during pregnancy for my own peace of mind/anxiety) I’ve loooved making myself fancy-but-not-really-fancy cups of coffee. Chase is actually really into helping me because he loves playing with both our coffee maker and our blender, so we’ve had fun making everything from cashew coffee (oh my gosh SO GOOD) to The Whole Smiths’ Whole30 latte made with coconut oil, almond milk and cinnamon. It was actually this latte that led me to The Whole Smiths’ blog and then their amazing cookbook!

While we do not follow a Paleo or Whole30 diet in our house, I frequently look for Paleo and Whole30 recipes online because they’re made with real food and clean ingredients. Sometimes the recipes are a little too involved for my liking but that’s where The Whole Smiths cookbook comes in! I have been LOVING this cookbook SO much because it’s SIMPLE. The recipes are nutritious and flavorful but they’re not overly complicated. I’ve made no less than six recipes from this cookbook since I ordered it and have loved everything from the sweet potato hash to the buffalo chicken sweet potato bites and more.

Northwest Cherries 

I received the most delicious delivery of the juiciest cherries from the Northwest Cherry Growers earlier this week. I could not get enough of them!! I truly think these cherries from the northwest United States were the best cherries I’ve ever had in my life. The outside of the cherries were crisp and fresh but the minute I bit into a cherry, it burst with juicy sweetness and I’ve basically been inhaling them all week long. If you have any must-make recipes involving fresh cherries out there, please let me know!

Early Access Nordstrom Anniversary Sale Picks 

The Nordstrom sale officially kicked off yesterday for Nordstrom card holders! I take advantage of this sale every year and love shopping early because the good stuff always sells out FAST. The sale opens to the public in a week but if you’re shopping the Early Access Sale like me, here are a few of the standout deals that caught my eye organized by category:

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FITNESS

Adidas Edge Lux Sneakers (I’ve been eyeing these for months and just bought the gray pair! Love the feminine look and the light pink color, too.)

Zella Live In High Waist Legging (I own these in black and the quality is fantastic. They hold everything in and smooth over lumps and bumps. The maternity version is also on sale!)

Adidas Muscle Tank (Another one of my personal favorites. Great gym tank!)

Nike Free Training Sneakers

Nike Essential Logo Tank (Lightweight and breathable — Perfect for sweaty workouts!)

WOMEN’S FASHION

Moonlight Pajamas (The pajamas I mentioned above!)

Free People So Easy Tee (Love this feminine take on a basic tee. I ordered the moss color for myself!)

Ruffle Mini Dress (So cute for the transition from summer to fall.)

Barefoot Dreams Cozy Chic Cardigan (The most comfortable and cozy cardigan! My sister and I are obsessed with this one.)

AG Boyfriend Jeans (I splurged and ordered these after reading the reviews. Crossing my fingers for a comfy, relaxed pair of jeans to pair with tees and tanks.)

Cocoon Cardigan (Perfect cozy cardigan to throw over a breezy tank or knotted tee this fall or winter.)

ACCESSORIES

Spinner Luggage (On my wish list! Love the blush color.)

Longchamp Le Pliage Tote (I’ve had mine for years and it’s a fantastic travel bag.)

KIDS / BABY

DockATot (We borrowed this from a friend after Ryder’s birth and he is loving it!!!)

The Honest Company Baby Arrival Gift Set (A great collection of some of our favorite baby products.)

Belly Bandit Labor & Delivery Kit (I received this kit as a gift at my baby sprinkle and loved it. The bag is so cute and filled with tons of postpartum essentials.)

Aden + Anais Swaddling Blankets (A baby staple!)

Adidas Classic Sneaker 

Nike Flex Sneakers (Boys / Girls – I always take advantage of this sale to order Chase’s sneakers!)

Friday Flashbacks

Vegan Protein Overnight Oats (With a newborn in the mix, prep-ahead breakfasts like these deliciously high-protein overnight oats are saving me!)

Quiet Workout (A great go-to workout to keep on hand when you want to work out but don’t want to make a lot of noise. Perfect for a hotel room or apartment workout!)

Question of the Day 

What is one thing that is making you smile this week? 

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