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crestomanci · 3 years ago

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Synopsis

“The Lost Princess” follows the story of Nick Sullivan, a girl that finds out, on her sixteenth birthday, that she is the daughter of a queen and is summoned to ascend to the throne as the princess of Combellmont island. She initiates, then, a difficult and dangerous journey that could put not only her life at risk as everyone’s she loves.

Chapter 1

What do I know about my mom? What a tough question. Besides all the biological processes I’ve learned in school, like genetics and stuff, I only know some physical characteristics: she was tall, the prettiest lady my father has ever known, and she smelled like mint. And that’s all I know because whenever I talked about her, my father always was already drunk and I needed to help him out and take him from his armchair to his bed.

I’ve never tried to pressure him in order to get information, though, since he always looked so ashamed of himself the next morning and I didn’t want to make him feel sad… Or make me sad. After all, the feelings I’ve grown towards my mom were migrating between sadness and anger. How could someone leave their child with some guy she’d only met once and then never tries to keep in touch? Okay, I was lucky enough that my dad was a cool guy and took me in, but this doesn’t make her less guilty at all.

I wonder if she ever wanted to know where her daughter could be for these past 15 years. If she has ever asked herself if I was okay, if I went to school, if my dad treated me nicely… Nothing? Then, after a while, I started to believe that she never loved me. That I was a mistake she made during a U2 concert after tons of beer and that I didn’t matter to her.

I got up from my bed and decided not to think about her. The less I knew, the less it would hurt, and today I was supposed to be happy, right? Because it was my sixteenth birthday. “Happy Birthday, Nick”, I said to myself. My dad was surely still asleep and I would only see him at night.

“Oh, crap!” twenty minutes late meant that I was late to school and this would be my third time this month. I ran as fast as I could and was able to catch the bus. Luckly, the driver was George and he always stopped for me, even when I was running late.

“Andy again, Nick?” he asked.

I nodded, not wanting to talk about it. Third delay of the month… This would make me stay in school after class and then I would be late for work at Tiffany&Thommy, which would not please Miss Picket. Will “I’m so so sorry, but today is my birthday and everything is nuts” work as an excuse? No. Everyone in town knew me and my dad, so it was known that whenever I was late it was because of him.

George offered me a little red box with a white bow wrapping it around and a tiny card. “Hey, you didn’t think I'd forget, did you?”

“George, you shouldn’t have! Thanks” I thanked and my cheeks turned red while I was getting the present, in a mist of hurry and happiness (after all, I was already late and he had taken his time to hand in the present despite knowing everyone was waiting to carry on the trip!).

“That’s nothing, Nick. Tomorrow, tell me if you liked it. Have a great day and a happy birthday!”

I thanked again while I started to look for a seat. The real bus to Abeley High School was deactivated because no one used it. Most of the students didn’t need to use public transportation since they had their own cars or chauffeurs, and so every single day I had to take the only bus that drove all the way to my school, when, in reality, it dropped me off two blocks away. After spending a whole life in Abeley, I was already used to it, but I wished - as if I was about to blow my birthday cake candles - this year I’d get a car. Or that at least my dad would accept that I should start to study at the school he now works at.

I got up when we were getting closer to the stop and hurried up while going down the stairs, and ran to school.

Yeah, I was definitely late. And obviously I had to face Mr. William, after going to the principal’s office. I smiled bluntly, and then tried to sneak into his class.

“Oh, Nicolle! I can’t believe someone hasn’t given you a clock yet. I mean, we have been starting the classes at the same time since 1864, and yet…”

I heard my entire class smothering a laughter as I gave Mr. William the piece of paper that allowed me to take his class, which was prior given to me by the principal, and, then, I went to my desk.

Today’s history class was about smaller islands and countries all over the world. Internally, I kept telling myself that there was no use to learning all of that, once we lived in a small city closer to New York, so that subject should have been self-explanatory to us and, even though Abeley should be a school for rich people, the greatest part of us, including me, would never travel abroad. Like ever. Let alone stepping on a small island somewhere that was probably built to make money from tourists. Whatever. Mr. William had already had his moment of glory today and I didn’t need a lecture anyways, so I decided to loosen my hair and put on my earphones again, as I kept pretending that I was paying attention.

Everyone’s goal in Abeley was to get into an Ivy League and, for the unlucky ones like me, the ultimate goal was to get a scholarship or a way out of this town. It felt weird not knowing what to do or what I’d like to become, but when people ask me about what I would like to be when I grow up, I used to lie and say I’d like to become a lawyer. Knowing my dad’s behavior, it would make total sense and that was enough to get me out of that subject during conversations, after being told that I should “hang in there” in order to become what I used to say.

The truth was that it would be enough if I turned eighteen and convinced my father that we should leave this town or state. To build a new life in which we weren’t pity case or a subject to gossip spreaders.

Tiffany&Thommy was a library and bookstore two blocks away from my school. It used to be owned by two brothers who have lived here since the city was founded, and I was a part-timer there. After Mr. Thommy Picket’s death, his sister needed help and I offered myself, as I needed money because my dad’s salary as a Spanish teacher was not something we could brag about.

I apologized for being late to Miss Picket and she (with her always pleasing humor) told me to find my computer and sit down before her nephew could find the cash register and steal everything they’ve made so far, like he did last month,

“Good evening, Nick. Are you early again?” I hear Rupert saying with his annoying British accent. He was sitting on my chair, staring at me with his weird brown eyes and dark hair.

“Yes, Rupert. And thank you for keeping my seat warm. Now you can go.” The best solution with him was to use irony and sarcasm. After all, wanting or not, he was the future owner of that store and his aunt wasn’t looking that good anyway.

“I don’t know why my aunt keeps you here. Or why did she hire you in the first place.”

“Your aunt knows me since I was born, we live in the same neighborhood and she trusts me.” I was as rough as possible and then started to browse through the record book on the decrepit computer.

He kept there, looking at what I was doing, as he was laying on the counter. I waited until he left for five minutes, but I was never known for my patience.

“So? Do you want a book or something?” I asked, trying to smile.

“Not really.” he replied and kept staring at me. Then, he nodded and left.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, while I watched him leave.

On my way home, I decided to open the present given by George when I was already on the bus. It was a little pendant shaped like a heart. Those in which you can put a picture on both sides. I loved it. I’m going to choose a picture of me and my dad, I thought as I got off the bus.

The weather was terrible as always and the fog made me put on my hood. When I was close to my building, I saw a man wearing a suit leaving and getting in a luxury black car that was parked on the other side of the street. I had no idea someone in town had something to do with the White House, I thought, trying not to laugh as I passed by the lobby.

The elevator was, once again, being fixed and it would take at least forty-eight hours return, so I went up the stairs hearing some of my neighbors complaining about the elevator like that would fix it faster.

After finding my keys, I saw my dad sitting on his armchair that, this time, was facing the door. He looked more tired and sadder than usual and was holding a letter.

“Dad?” I called, leaving my backpack in the hall and getting closer to him.

“Oh, Nick, you’re here” he answered and I could see that his eyes looked swollen and red. He has cried. I sighed and looked at the table, but I didn’t see any beer bottles there.

“What happened?”

“I need to talk to you. And I ordered pizza, so you don’t need to cook today. Change your clothes and take a bath, I know you must be tired.”

“That’s okay, dad. I’m fine” I claimed, feeling a little bit afraid.

He didn’t say anything else, just stood up and went to his room. I kept staring at him while he closed the door.

Ordering pizza on my birthday was almost a habit, but the conversation part… I started to bite my upper lip and picked up my backpack on the floor, but refused to take a bath. I felt nervous and anxious and waited to hear if his bedroom door would open so that I could leave mine.

When I left, he was in the living room. He had opened and served himself with a pizza slice and soda. He looked a little better as he smiled, so I sat down.

“Happy birthday, kiddo.” It was all he said, giving me a sad smile. We started to eat after that.

After I finished, I felt like something bad was about to happen and I realized he was looking at me, God knows for how long, and that the letter he was previously holding was still there, in his hand. I stopped and looked at him, wanting to know for how long he would stare without saying anything.

A couple minutes had passed, but it felt like an eternity to me. Then, he finally started:

“Nick, did I talk about your mom yesterday?”

I took a deep breath and felt a little bit relieved to realize that it wasn’t something that important after all. I was used to that kind of conversation, even though it made me sad, since he usually stood up for her in the end.

“Yes, dad, but just the usual, you know, blond, tall, smelled like mint” I remembered while I was taking my dish and got up.

“Nicolle, sit down, please” he stared at me with his blue eyes and it looked like it was an order.

I had no idea what was going on, but if it was serious enough for my dad to boss me around…

“Okay.” I agreed, sitting down again.

He looked like he was trying to control himself so that he could continue his speech.

“Nick, you know your mom handed you in when you were only six months, right?” he asked and I nodded, leaning on the couch. “Child, what I have to say is serious and I need you to handle it until the very end.”

He paused. The pizza I ate started to move around in my stomach, bothering me.

“Your mom didn’t leave you here because she wanted to, but because she needed to keep you away from the place she lived in. She had to leave you here, with me, so that I could take care of you and make you a good person. When I met her, we spent the whole week together. She told me about her world and I realized it wasn’t easy. Our story wasn’t just a concert and a single night, and I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner. Actually, I’m sorry about everything I have to tell you today… You can’t imagine how much it hurts to tell everything like this. But the point is: she loved you, as much as I do love you. And last week, I discovered that unfortunately your mom has passed away.” He told me with every strength he had, even though he let some tears roll down his cheeks, which he cleaned fast. Then, he took a box from the table, one I haven’t seen before, opened it and showed me everything that was inside.

“I thought that it wasn't a good idea to tell you, dear. You always seemed hurt about your mom, but, then, today I received a message and now I have no other choice but to tell you the truth. The man that came here earlier wanted to wait for you, but I begged him to let me speak with you first. I needed to tell you the whole story. You’ve probably already studied about Europe and must know that there are a lot of small countries there. Your mom lived in one of those countries. Actually, your mom ruled one of them. When I met her, she had just received a convocation to claim the throne of Combellmont and, like any 18-year-old girl, she wanted… An adventure before her real life began. Like in the romances she used to read.

“We met when I went to live in New York. She came on a trip, running away from her hotel, and we met in the middle of Central Park. It was love at first sight and we had the best week in the world. Nine days, to be exact, but she always needed to go back and sleep at the hotel, so I left her on the street corner so that the guard that escorted her would be aware of me. Until the last day, when her sister saw and denounced us. She was grounded after that and I got beaten up by her guards. And well, I thought I’d never see her again, so needless to say it was a surprise when she came back, fifteen months later, knocking on my old Brooklyn apartment with you in her arms. She asked me to take care of you, keeping you safe and sound, away from her world. She asked me to give you a normal life until the day she would come back and explain everything. That she would do it once you turned 18… I wished she had time to do that…

“Ever since, I could only watch you grow and kept collecting everything that I saw about her. Her marriage with an ambassador that was twice her age, her coronation as queen, the birth to her first child for the media, the death of her husband and, most recently, her own death, not long after giving birth to her second child. Oh, Nick, I would have loved to tell you all of this at the right time, but it so happens that you need to know it now. This afternoon, your mom’s kingdom counselor came in and brought this letter to you. You see: with her death, it would be pleasing if her oldest royal child ascended to the throne, but she’s only a kid! And as you are, in fact, the oldest of them all… They demand you there for some kind of training. And, being crystal clear: you are obligated to do this, or they will appeal to judicial measures to make you do it anyway. They can even take you by force, Nick.” After hearing all of that, I ran to the bathroom. My head was spinning, my face was wet with sweat and tears, and I wanted to throw up every slice of pizza I ate. My dad didn’t even dare to chase me, he just let me go.

I was overwhelmed, to say the least. My head was exploding with the wave of information I’ve received and I’ve never been so shocked in my entire life. I don’t know how long I’ve stayed there, hiding, puking, crying. I was hugging my knees against my chest, just hearing my heartbeats. How come my life turned upside down in less than one hour? My mom, a queen. Country, children, baby, my dad, kingdom… Those words were spinning in my head and making me dizzy. How come my father hid everything from me? How come my mom found it better that way? And, mainly, what was I supposed to do now? I had no clue how someone could actually obligate me to do something, after all, besides taking care of my father and the house, I’ve never had to lead, or been a leader.

https://www.inkitt.com/stories/romance/748079?utm_source=shared_web

https://www.wattpad.com/story/274223573-the-lost-princess

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theokotrain · 4 years ago

Text

Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

#story #novel #interlude #writing #novel writing #vestige #town #coming of age #lgbtq #gay #furry #wattpad

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rivkahstudies · 5 years ago

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Hi, i've been having big troubles with wanting to be better at academia and stuff but im not really sure how to get started... i sorta feel like an imposter a lot but im trying to not let it affect me but sometimes i just have moments of excruciating executive dysfunction where i can't move because I want to do so many things and my body is fighting against me... Idk if i even have a question really but it feels better to tell you this... i really look up you a lot and have for a long time...

Hi nonnie! It’s incredibly brave of you to drop this in my inbox. Yes, even anonymously. It takes a lot to even type that kind of honesty out. So thank you, and I hope you take a moment to thank yourself.

Secondly, thank you for touching my heart by your kind words. I hope you realize as you look up to me that I have the same kind of feelings, as do many studyblrs–and I’m dedicated to being honest about it so you don’t feel as if you have to live up to a perfect (and impossible, and fake) standard. I go to therapy regularly despite being in a lot better place than I used to be, because it’s almost like going for a mental check-up or gym session, and my therapist helps me sort through even tiny things so I can build better habits and mindsets. But I still remember feelings of dysfunction well, and I still battle with imposter syndrome!

The most important key ideas here are attainable goals and self talk. Both of these ideas don’t come easily, they do take work, but they’re tools that make other difficult things easier over time, with persistence.

When your body is fighting you (and really, more than anything with executive dysfunction, your mind is fighting you and making your body less functional), even baby steps can be difficult. For you, it could be anything from exercising to studying to eating to showering. Big or small, it’s totally valid that you may or may not struggle with it, and it doesn’t make you desperate for attention, or fake, or pathetic.

Let’s take your desire to “get better at academia.” That could mean a lot of things, so I’m going to latch onto one facet of it as an example. If it doesn’t apply with that exact example, that’s completely okay! Just alter it to apply to what you are struggling with, or desiring.

1. Big, abstract goal: to get better at academia

2. What that means (for this example): developing better study habits

3. What kind of things constitute that? That’s still a big, abstract goal that sounds quite formidable and unattainable. List out as many things as you can that you are striving to do or would want to try. Not everything might work for you!

Managing time better

scheduling study time

being accountable via apps or with family/friends

being efficient or effective (i.e. not getting distracted

Finding study habits that work for you and for the class’ requirements

flashcards

typed computer notes

handwritten computer notes

handwritten paper notes

infographics

youtube videos

interactive online exercises

conversations with classmates, tutors, or professors

podcasts

mind maps

journal entries

presentations

self-made study guides

practice tests (self-made or provided, online or on paper)

Feynman’s technique–writing a summary of what you’re studying, and then comparing it to the actual material. Whatever is missing is what you need to focus on, because my mantra is that it will always appear on the test.

ranking the subjects or topics by what you know most to least and studying from the bottom up. I can post a more detailed guide to this if you want! just hit me up again.

Also changing the way you treat and care for yourself

setting a stable routine

eating better (this means different things for different people–maybe you need more Vitamin C, so you should focus on more fruits in your diet, or iron, so vegetables, etc… consult with a doctor or registered dietician, not a nutritionist since they don’t have to have a degree or certification)

going to bed at a routine time

if you have to choose one, make the wake up time set. that way, if you do go to bed late but wake up at that time, it’ll reset your body clock to be sleepier earlier the next day. it’ll eventually even itself out.

drinking more water

setting up or revising your skin care routine

taking measured and unmeasured breaks away from studying to allow the information to set in your brain and to give your mind and body a much-needed reprieve

setting limits on how much screentime you want yourself to add

Self-talk

This is the big one I want to impart on you before this post is over.

You can’t just try to implement these better habits. You also have to focus on what you’re thinking when you’re doing or not doing them, and how you’re psychologically treating yourself. This isn’t easy! It takes a lot of time. And that’s okay. You aren’t going to be free of this stuff overnight. I’ve been working on this stuff actively since I was about 17 and I’m still struggling with it. But I’m also much better at addressing it than I was almost three years ago.

Be aware

Recognize when you’re treating yourself harshly. Acknowledge those times you say “I’m not good enough” in the very back of your mind. Because a lot of times we aren’t even fully conscious of how much we say “I hate myself” or “I’m stupid” or “I can’t do this.”

Once you’ve done that, start calling attention to it.

Hold yourself accountable. If this were someone hurting a friend of yours, you would likely be calling them out for the whole world to know their cruel behavior isn’t acceptable. It’s the same thing for yourself! Those awful thoughts in your brain might live there from self-doubt, mental illness, or other reasons, but you do get to decide if they pilot your actions and your mentality, even if they’re whispering awful things about how you don’t have a choice but letting them be in control.

I will freely admit on here that I’m attending therapy, because I seek to destigmatize it. I’m not at rock bottom. I’m not pathetic. I just noticed some things about me that I need to change, heal, and/or improve, and I wanted a professional to help me! Much like if I sprained my ankle or got a cold and needed to see a doctor. And one of the things that my therapist told me was as much as my anxiety felt debilitating, I am the one piloting my body and I am the one who gets to decide whether my self-talk is going to change.

And do it gently.

Not “you’re an awful person for saying these things about yourself.” You don’t solve bullying with bullying, and you definitely don’t solve putting yourself down or feeling like an imposter but doing more of the same. Instead, show compassion to yourself.

Have a conversation with yourself.

“Why do I feel like this?”

“Where is this coming from?”

“What makes me say that?”

“What can I say instead?”

“What would make me feel better?”

“What could change my mindset about this problem?”

The choice is up to you how you do it. But pretend you’re pulling someone who is misbehaving or acting cruel aside, and instead of reprimanding them, you just gently put your hand on their shoulder and say, “I’m here. What’s going on? What’s causing this behavior?”

Do the same exact thing with yourself! Offer that compassionate hand. If you’re anything like me, your imposter system is probably coming from undue pressure on yourself, self-doubt, previous bad experiences, fear of failure or rejection, insecurity, anxiety, or any number of other things that could make you doubt your beauty, your talent, your work ethic, your ability to succeed.

And a lot more people have it than you think! Just don’t compare yourself to others when, even if you know them well, you can’t know them 100%. I’m sharing my experiences because I want you to know that you’re not alone. And I also want you to know that you can only fix yourself, you can only control yourself, and the same goes for others–they have no business (and probably aren’t thinking of having any business) judging you or controlling you. If they are, screw them. Your job is to take care of and focus on yourself.

Once you know where it’s coming from, start substituting the language.

You can’t do this. “You may not be able to do this yet, but with some effort, you’ll be able to–or, you’ll be close to being able to.”

You’re a failure. “Everyone makes mistakes or fails. It doesn’t define you.”

It was just luck that got you this far. “It was hard work, passion, and effort. Keep hanging onto those things.”

You’re not good enough. “You are enough, and you don’t exist for others. You exist for yourself.”

People will get bored of you. “You don’t exist to entertain or please others.”

There’s a million more I could go through, but hopefully these examples are enough for you to apply it to your own doubts.

This might be a good exercise to journal. Because then you actually have to get the thoughts out instead of them staying scrambled in your brain. Feel free to do a bulleted guide for yourself like this one!

Etc, etc, etc… Any one of these single bullets could be an entirely distinct post, but I hope this is enough to start you off, nonnie. I want to apologize for taking my sweet time responding, but I really hope you’re still out there, somewhere on tumblr, and you see this post. You are loved, nonnie, especially by me, and I’m always here if you need something. If you message me again, call yourself something, like “self talk nonnie,” so I know I’m still talking to you.

You are all loved! You are all enough! You are all valuable and beautiful as long as you stay true to yourselves.

#anonymous #rivkah answers #my advice #executive dysfunction #studying with mental illness #imposter syndrome #mental illness #studying #student #studyblr

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cherryeol04 · 5 years ago

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The Firsts

Summary: No one ever told him that living was going to be so difficult. That there would emotions get couldn’t label and distinguish. He’s just a young boy trying to navigate through life and its unexpected ups and downs.

Genre: Humor, Fluff, smut(?)

Pairings: Oc x Felix, Oc x Changbin, Changbin x Oc x Felix

Warnings: poly relationship, angst in some part, excessive fighting about the MCU.

Parts: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16/ Part 17

A/N: This story has a theme of Firsts. First love, first kiss and many other firsts. Each part can be read on their own and are meant to stand as oneshots. It’s basically a collection of oneshots (little snapshots into my Oc’s life. 😁)

“The fact you took them back.” Minho grumbled as he sat across from Aiden, eyeing the other who was trying his hardest to hide himself behind Seungmin. “We spent three hours listening to you cry! Do you know how much that hurt hyung, Aiden? I care about you and I don’t want you to be hurt again. I can’t bear to see you go through that again.” He scolded and Aiden whined.

“I know it’s just -“

“What bullshit did they feed you?” Minho asked.

“It wasn’t bullshit.” Aiden whispered.

“Hyung.” Hyunjin spoke up, staring at Minho. “I know I came in after all this happened, but scolding him isn’t going to help the situation. I’m sure he has his reasons for accepting their apology and proposal. We should be supportive.”

“I agree with Jinnie.” Seungmin nodded. “Besides, I saw them trying to make things better. Aiden just was too into his feels to notice. Whatever happened happened. It happened the way it did and now they’re trying to fix it. If it means less strain in the group, who are we to stop it?”

“But what if something happens again?” Minho protested, dropping his sandwich back on his plate and reached out, taking Aiden’s hand gently. “You know I’m not really mad or anything. I just worry about you. I was there from the start of your relationship with Felix until now. I just want -“

“And I appreciate you, hyung.” Aiden interrupted with a smile. “I really do. And I know you’re just looking out for me but I have to try this. I still love him. Both of them and if I don’t I’ll just be miserable for the rest of my life - always wondering about ‘what if’.” He said and pouted. “And if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong and I get hurt. But I’ll have learned then, and work to keep myself protected and try harder to find someone who will love me for all I am.”

“Aiden, stop trying to be such an adult. I miss the hyperactive brat you really are.” He chuckled softly. Smiling, Aiden shook hid head.

“Silly. I’ll be back to my normal self soon. I just wanted to tell you guys what happened before you like accidentally discover it. I think it was the better decision.”

“It was. Thank you for being honest with us.” Hyunjin smiled at him. “And I hope you three are happy for a while, okay?”

“Thanks. That means so much to me.”

“Alright, enough with the sappiness though. I would like to eat my lunch and not puke.” Seungmin teased, pulling laughs from the others as they went back to eating.

———

“And I told Mr. Jung that there is just no way I can compose four songs last minute like this!” Chan grumbled as he stared at his computer. “I mean I could do one or two by Friday, but I can’t do four.”

“I told you he was crazy, why didn’t you listen to me?” Woojin asked as he eyed the younger male with a smirk.

“Listen mom -“

“Damn, if this is what university life is like, I don’t want to graduate.” Jisung pouted from his spot on the floor, back pressed against the couch. His history textbook laying open in his lap. “High school is supposed to be easy too!”

“Ah, I miss the good old days.” Woojin mused with a soft sigh.

“It was literally last year.” Minho scoffed with a laugh. “Stop trying to age yourself.”

“Back in my day I had to walk down the halls with all my books in my hands. None of this new-fangled technology of lockers like you youngins have.” Chan spoke, voiced pitched in his playful teasing.

“Grandpa!” Felix cheered and laughed harder when Chan smacked his fellow Aussie in the chest with a pillow.

“Siri, how do you time travel?” Changbin asked as he held up his phone, the others laughing along with him.

“I need new friends.” Chan groaned and rubbed his nose with the palm of his hand.

“Sorry hyung, already tried that and they’re still here.” Aiden teased as he looked up from his notebook. “But you wouldn’t have us any other way.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.” Chan grunted and sighed. “But no seriously, how the hell am I suppose to make 4 songs?” He asked.

“I can help if you want.” Changbin offered.

“Oh me too!” Jisung jumped in. “Just got a really high score in production class. I’m like a genius. I got you hyung.”

“Genius? In who’s world?” Seungmin asked, brow raised.

“In my world, duh.”

“I beg to differ.” Seungmin scoffed.

“Only if you call me daddy.” Jisung smirked and Aiden choked on his water, coughing harshly as he smacked his chest quickly.

“Ji! You can’t be saying that stuff around the virgin!” Minho poked at Aiden. “His poor heart can’t take your sinful tongue.” There was a beat of silence before Minho continued. “But I can.” He smirked.

“Jesus!” Aiden hissed as he coughed again. “Can we not have this sexual talk in my Christian server? Thank you!” He pouted.

“You would think, a man with two boyfriends wouldn’t still be a virgin.” Woojin mused.

“Back in my days, whores just ran about flashing every Tom, Dick, and Harry they saw.” Chan joked.

“Sometimes it was a Harry dick.” Woojin added and laughed as Aiden smacked his head on the table.

“I need new friends!” Aiden whined loudly.

“Sucks to be you kid.” Chan smirked and shook his head. “Now, about my song production.”

———

Aiden whined as he laid back in the bed, staring up at the off white ceiling of Felix’s bedroom. The room silent, save for his soft breathing and he allowed himself to fall into the thoughts that were running over a million miles a minute. It was only a single thought, one comment that had been said that was really bugging him.

“You would think, a man with two boyfriend wouldn’t still be a virgin.”

Was it bad he was still a virgin? Was Felix still one? Changbin even? He was pretty sure that Minho had been with Seungmin at one point and now was probably chasing Jisung’s tail. Said friend most likely wasn’t a virgin from all the tales he had told Aiden about the women he had dated back at his old school in Malaysia.

He couldn’t be too sure about Chan or Woojin. A part of him was thinking that they were dating based on their behavior, but a part of him wasn’t entirely sure they were both gay or simply had interest in guys. And Hyunjin was a mystery to him. The little twink acted both experienced and shy and he couldn’t even decipher what was an act and what wasn’t.

It worried Aiden. He could very possibly be the only virgin in his friend group and it seemed wrong. It’s not like he needed to have sex in order for his friends to accept him, they already did - at least he thought. It was just something about the way they teased him and Aiden wasn’t stupid. He knew they meant no harm by their words, it was all in good jest. But it was still an insecurity he had.

Being inexperienced. And now it seemed that maybe he was the only inexperienced person in the group and it worried him. His mind drifted off to thoughts of Felix and Changbin, and what would happen when it came to that time for them to be intimate. How would he able to handle it? He could barely reciprocate the moves Changbin had used on him a while ago, he certainly wouldn’t be able to survive now that there were two of them. And what if he sucked?

What if he couldn’t figure out how to touch Felix the right way? Or make Changbin moan? What if he couldn’t get either of them off and they were left hard and wanting - disappointed in his lack of ability?

He sighed and lifted his phone up, finger pressing and holding down the lock button until the screen flashed. “Siri, where is the nearest cliff I can yeet off of?”

“Okay, here is what I found.”

Aiden’s nose scrunched up as he read the results for the nearest Cliff’s Restaurant that he could eat off of.

“Good job, Siri. I knew I could count on you.” He sighed.

“Oh god, Binnie it’s worse than we thought, he’s started talking to himself.” Aiden lifted his head and watched as Felix and Changbin walked into the room, arms filled with snacks and drinks for their movie marathon.

“I knew we shouldn’t have left him alone.” Changbin tasked.

“I should have offered him my pet rock. He’s a great listener.”

Changbin paused and stared at Felix with concern. “Right.” He said slowly and gave a nod. “Okay so I’m dating two psychopaths.”

“Hey!”

“Oh, that’s creepy. They’re even in sync. Minho warned me about you crazy people.”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Aiden tossed a pillow at him, laughing as it struck Changbin in the face. “Asshole, you know you love us.”

“I never said I didn’t.” Changbin countered as he kicked the pillow back towards the bed and walked over, setting the various cans and bottles of drinks on the nightstand. Sitting up in the bed, Aiden crossed his legs as he leaned over and looked at each label.

“Alright, we got drinks. We got snacks. I got Black Panther queued in the DVD player, are we ready for a bomb ass movie night?” Felix asked.

“You’re way too excited for this." Changbin laughed as he took a seat next to Aiden on the bed.

“Black Panther is my favorite MCU movie, don’t hate.” Felix pouted as he grabbed the remote and jumped onto the bed, getting the DVD screen up on his tv.

“No hate.” Changbin hummed and smirked. “Isn’t there a legend about having sex after watching Black Panther?” He asked.

Aiden could feel his pulse start pounding as he stared at Changbin. There he was being so cheeky, trying to look innocent but his smirk was anything but. “I do not recall any legend. I believe that once we watch Black Panther then we can have cuddle sessions anywhere we want. A better achievement to unlock.” He said quickly.

Felix laughed at that and shook his head. “We can stop with this whole ‘watching marvel movies leads to something’ joke. Really, at this point, we shouldn’t base our relationship off of watching the MCU.”

“Oh lord, Felix is going to be profound again. Something about moving at our pace and being intimate when we’re ready. And blah blah blah.” Changbin rambled on and Felix pouted. “On the nose right?”

“I hate when you do that.” Felix whined and sighed before looking to Aiden. “But he’s right. Relax babe, we won’t do anything you’re not ready for.”

“W-What?! Why do you think it’s me?” He squealed our indignantly. They both gave him a pointed look and he flushed, looking away quickly.

“Because you’re the shy one.” Changbin cooed and reached out, pinching Aiden’s cheek gently. “I remember when you got so pouty when you couldn’t even touch my dick, and then you made such a mess.”

“Stop!” Aiden whined and pushed his hand away, smacking Changbin’s arm lightly. “That was so long ago.”

“It was. Wouldn’t mind doing it again honestly.”

“I wouldn’t mind watching either.” Felix grinned.

Aiden honestly wasn't sure what to say or do in that moment. Being reminded of the time he jerked off with Changbin had brought back a lot of memories and feelings that he really hadn't allowed himself to feel in a while. He could still see Changbin's face, clear as day when the other told him to cum - that thought alone sending a shiver down his spine. Did he want to do stuff with them? Of course he did. And really he was the only one holding himself back from enjoying the company of his two boyfriends - from experiencing whatever pleasure the two could bring him. He needed to get over himself, and just let loose. But it was hard, so very hard. Especially when is insecurity of being inexperienced was one of the reasons he thought Felix had cheated on him and was going to break up with him. He had been wrong, but that didn't ease any of his feelings. It only seemed to intensify them.

Aiden hadn't notice Changbin moving until he felt the broad, strong chest pressing against his back. Muscular arms wrapped around his waist, and had Changbin's arms always been that bulky and sexy? Since when had his best friend started working out? Last he remembered, he could barely get Changbin out of his bed to walk down the stairs to get food on some days. When did he find the energy to actually go to a gym and work out? "You know we won't force you, right?" Changbin's voice was soft, words so gentle as his lips grazed Aiden's ear and embarrassingly he whimpered. "It doesn't matter if we have sex now, next week or three years from now." he continued, fingers gently rubbing against the flat plane of his abdomen soothingly. It didn't actually help in any way to relax him and Aiden found himself even tenser than he had been just being lost in his own head. "It's not important. What is important is that you feel comfortable with us - with doing simple things." he said as he rested his chin on Aiden's shoulder gently.

"I know." A whisper, barely audible and Aiden hated himself for sounding so timid at the moment. "I just don't want to disappoint you."

"How can you disappoint us?" Felix asked, brow raised. "Where in your mind did you come up with such a ridiculous thought?"

"It's not ridiculous!" Aiden argued and pouted. "You both are so experienced and I'm not. Hell, I avoided kissing you for like a whole week and half because I was scared I would suck at it!" he confessed, cheeks heating up at the memories of his flailing about Changbin's home and crying to Minho and Seungmin because he just couldn't get up the courage to kiss Felix and was too afraid that if he let his guard down and Felix kissed him, the other would leave him.

"Who says we're experienced?" Felix asked with a snort. "Really Aiden? Is that what you've been thinking this whole time?" he asked.

"Well, yeah." Aiden whispered, eyes lowering as he stared at his lap, focusing on picking at the skin of his thumb, rather than the intense burn of his boyfriend's eyes on him. "Aren't you?"

Changbin laughed at that and Aiden knew he didn't mean to be hurtful in his laughter, but it did still hurt because he was laughing at him. At his apparently stupid thought process - not that he didn't agree, it was pretty stupid when he said his thoughts out loud. "No!" he spoke through his chuckles. Aiden could feel the rumble of Changbin's deep laughter through his chest, shaking Aiden to his core and for a moment he simply got lost in the feeling and the closeness. But when Changbin started talking again, he was pulled from his thoughts and forced himself to focus on the words being spoken. "I've kissed someone before, yeah. But I'm not experienced in anything. I jack off a lot, so does that give me experience in hand jobs?" he asked

"Well, I mean... maybe?" Aiden asked curiously.

"Then that means you're experienced too." Changbin pointed out. "But I haven't done anything else, with anyone, including Felix." Changbin lifted his gaze from Aiden to look at the blonde male sitting in front of them. Felix nodded his head, a soft sigh leaving his lips

"I haven't done anything either." Felix confessed. "You were my first kiss Aiden." Aiden felt his eyes widen impossibly large at the admission. He honestly hadn't thought he was Felix's first kiss. The other seemed to experienced in what they were doing - how their lips moved and the right amount of pressure to put to keep a kiss soft or maybe to make it a little more heated.

"But I thought-"

"That's the thing, baby. You thought, you never asked." Changbin cut him off, lips pressing lightly to Aiden's cheek. "You sit there and worry about being inexperienced, thinking the rest of us have so much experience that there is no way we could possibly want you, but we're just as inexperienced as you are." he told him. "And that's okay because like Felix said before, it's okay to be inexperienced. It's what life is about, going through the unknown and learning...together." Aiden could feel himself pouting, brows drawn together as he did his best to will the tears from welling up in his eyes. He remembered Felix saying that on the night of the confession in the Ferris Wheel. He just never thought they meant it, or what it actually meant for them.

But now it was different. He was being told he wasn't alone in being inexperienced. The people he thought who were experienced, weren't and for some reason, that made everything seem okay. Because he wasn't going to be embarrassing himself or being compared to a past relationship. Everything was fresh and new for them.

And maybe that's all Aiden had needed to know from the very start.

"I want to." he whispered, lifting his gaze to meet Felix's eyes and then turned his head to stare at Changbin.

"Want to what?" Felix asked gently.

"Have sex. I want to, I'm just scared." He felt Changbin's arms tighten around him, pulling him back closer as he nuzzled his neck gently.

"It's okay. We can do it when you're ready, baby. There's nothing to be scared about okay?" Aiden nodded his head slowly, letting out a soft exhale as he relaxed fully against Changbin. Lifting his arms, he held them out towards Felix, smiling as the Australian crawled into his lap and laid against him, cuddling into his chest. Aiden wrapped his arms around Felix and sighed contently, eyes closing as he enjoyed the warmth the closeness brought to him. Aiden watched as Felix grabbed the remote for his DVD player once more and started the movie, the three of them falling into a comfortable silence as they were sucked into wonders of Black Panther. The worries and fears that had plagued Aiden's mind for almost year were finally eased, assured that his two boyfriends would take their time with him and not rush him and he was sure they would make their first time together - whenever that may be - memorable. And for that, he was so thankful to have them in his life.

#stray kids #skz #fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids au #skz au #stray kids fanfic au #skz fanfic au #au story #the firsts #humor #fluff #changbin #felix #changbin x oc #felix x oc #changbin x oc x felix

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soepicsokim · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 ---- Hate Me (Blue October)

“It’s been two days, why hasn't she woken up yet?”

“Give it time Master Timothy. Sometimes it takes time for Kryptionans to heal.”

A sigh is heard and I feel a gentle squeeze on my right hand and a soft kiss on the left side of my forehead. “Trust me, she’s healed by now. This is just the rest she needs before she wakes up.” A soft touch on my foot causes me to sigh softly in my sleep, “It’s okay Dick, Clark, Alfred and I will watch her. You should go be with your fiancé.”

My right hand is lifted and a kiss is placed on it. ‘Don’t leave me.’ The squeeze on my hand tightens and another kiss happens before my hand is lowered to my side and the warmth of the hand holding mine is gone. ‘Marshmallow? Please, stay.’

A whisper is right beside my right ear, “I wish I had waited for you. Please wake up soon Princess.” Hearing his clothes move as he stands up, “You’ll tell me when she wakes up? Even if I’m with Babs?” All the breathing in the room stops for a moment as I can feel all their eyes on me. “Bruce, Clark, I’m sorry.” Footsteps echo through the cave as Dick walks up and out causing a silent tear to slip from my eye.

“So everyone replaced me?” My voice is soft as my eyes are still closed. Hearing Bruce take the chair on my right where Dick just sat he sighs while Clark sits on my left side. “I know. I just disappeared. There was no trace, no leads, no news. I was just gone. Locked away in a warehouse in New Mexico. Experimented on. Abused, used, broken down and turned into Lex Luthor and Ra’s Al Ghul’s personal plaything and a weapon.” I sigh as I slowly open my eyes. “You know what kept me going?”

Clark looks at me with water in his eyes but a straight face, “The fact your family is out there?” His voice betrays the emotion in his eyes. It’s cold and distant, making me push myself into the bed to hide.

“Clark. Stop it.” Bruce chides him and looks at me with questioning eyes, “Was it Dick? Because it wasn’t even a week after you disappeared that we found out that you two were soulmates.” His eyes watch mine with an intense look.

“It wasn’t just him. And It wasn’t just knowing my family was out there. It was every time Cat was sent to fight, I would get to see you. Hear you and be with you. Even if you were attacking me and didn’t know it was me. I got to be with you again.” I sigh and try to sit up until Clark shakes his head gently pushing me back down. “Right, damage to my body from the pure Kryptonite.” I try to giggle, “This was my 30th attempt at escaping. Surprised Lex hasn't called or an assassin hasn’t been sent to find me.”

Both Bruce and Clark look at eachother, “A red hooded, gun wielding man was there right after you fainted.” My eyes widen and Bruce continues, “He made us promise to keep you safe and away from your masters.”

“Wait!” I sit up fast and hiss gripping the blankets tight from the pain, “He showed himself to you? Is he here? Bruce I need to see Zombie.” I close my eye tight and breath slowly as I ease myself to remain sitting up. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Just breathe Lyds. Breathe.” In through my nose and out through my mouth I’m breathing until the pain passes and I look to Bruce with excitement.

Bruce raises an eyebrow, “He never said his name he just made us promise to keep you away from Lex and Ra’s. After that he disappeared, what’s his importance Lydia?” Bruce leans forward putting his elbows on his knee and his hands under his chin.

“I’m not allowed to tell. That’s his place when he is ready to confront you. Just give the Zombie time.” I sigh and look over at the different Robin costumes Bruce keeps in the cave. “He will return one day. I promise that.” I turn back, “I’m the reason she’s in a wheelchair.”

“Who?”

A soft smirk plays on my lips, “My soulmate’s fiance.” My eyes flash red quickly then back to my natural green color.

“What.” Bruce’s voice is a low soft growl causing my breathing to stop for a moment from fear.

I watch both of them stand up and look at me like I’m Lex Luthor or Doomsday ready to attack them. They both get in a stance to either defend themselves or attack me. “It was a mission from Ra’s that went wrong. J was never supposed to be involved and I was only supposed to make her suffer.” I look Bruce in the eyes as I hover out of the bed and onto the floor. Little did I know Dick and Barbara were around the corner listening.

***Flashback***

I stand straight as a board in the presence of the Great One. Ra’s walks slowly back and forth in front of me. My eyes stay straight looking out the window behind him with Talia and Damien in the corners of my eyes beside the window. Ra’s stops in front of me placing his hands behind his back.

“The girl is to suffer, no permanent damage is to come from her. Your mission is to go in, get information about what Bruce Wayne is doing. Fight back if necessary, no killing. This needs to be a quick and clean mission. Thus, why I chose you, my Death Angel.” He smirks at the name and my body gives a slight shudder at his facial feature.

“Yes master. I will do as you ask.” My eyes move from looking behind him to looking into his soulless eyes. “I will find Barbara Gordon and get the information from the former Batgirl. She will talk.” My eyes flash red and the light from them illuminates Ra’s face for a split second then becomes dimly light by the candle lit surrounding us.

‘He just wants to know where Uncle Bruce is so Talia can play the man again. Trip to Gotham City here I come.’ I walk with a passion down the hall of the compound to my small dimly lit Kryptonite covered room. I grab my black katana, two dark grey and green daggers and a duffel bag of civilian clothes. ‘Barbara Gordon, be ready for Cat.’

I walk out of my room to see Damien Wayne standing with his left hand on the hilt of his sword. “Cat.”

“Child.”

Damien rolls his eyes as a frown appears on his lips, “Tt, I am ten years old and better at combat then you, alien.”

My eyes glow a deep red as I push him out of the way and start to walk away, “Damien, learn to hold your tongue, aliens are known to kill the weak ones below us.” I hear him muttering off in the distance as I leave the compound building. Running along the top of the wall until I leap and fly off into the air.

‘So, coming to Gotham? Does that mean I finally get to meet the Princess in my head?’ I softly giggle at the voice in my head as I hear the all to0 familiar voice in my head.

‘Sadly Marshmallow, no. I won’t be able to meet you. I have been tasked to meet Barbara Gordon.’ It’s going to be a long trip back to Gotham from somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. What if I can give Barbara a note letting Bruce know where I am and I could finally be free and go home. I look up and barrel roll to my left to avoid a dolphin jumping out of the water. “Magnificent.”

Landing on top of the Wayne Enterprises building looking down at the people in broad daylight. I drop my duffel bag beside a glass class with the Bat symbol on it. I open it up and put on my civilian clothes before I become invisible and float down the back of the building and land behind a tree at the back door to the building. I become visible again before I walk out from behind the tree. "GCPD, wonder if Gordon or Cash is working today."

I open the door to the Gotham City Police Department and I see the usual chaos going on. Guards moving thugs around, breaking up fights from thugs in holding cells, and police yelling over each other. I see the door that has Commissioner Gordon's name on it with a red headed woman standing in the door. “I’ll see you later dad, I have stuff to go do.” She walks out closing the door behind her. I duck and look away as she passes by me, “Cash, I’ll see you.”

Staying in the shadows I follow the red head to her apartment building, coated in the orange glow of the setting sun. Barbara walks up into the building to the third floor, entering her apartment and turning on her computer.

“What are you looking at little girl?”

I jump back into the shadows of the alley and turn to see Joker himself, “What are you doing here clown?” My eyes narrow as I see him snarl and clinch his hands at his side. I snort and place my hand on my hip, “I’m waiting Joker. What, do you want?”

Joker takes a step towards me, “Listen here girl, I want Barbara Gordon and you, you’re gonna help me.” He pulls me more into the depths of the alley and tells me his plan.

A little while later, I become invisible and stand beside Joker at Barbara’s front door. I sigh beside him as he knocks on her door. The instant I see the door open I quickly rush into Barbara’s apartment right as I see the Joker shoot her causing me to stop dead in my tracks. “ARE YOU INSANE Joker?” I become visible and rush to her side, “Barbara, breath, just breathe.” I hear a gun cock again and look up to see down the barrel of the gun. “Joker,” My hand slowly starts to search Barbara for a panic button to signal Batman or Alfred something bad has happened to her. “Don’t do this. She’s innocent, She hasn’t done anything to you.”

Joker pushes the gun closer to my head, “Shut up and take the photos of her.” He tosses a camera towards me and I catch it in one hand. I look at Barbara and she closes her eyes and looks away as I start taking photos of her bleeding out. Maniacal laughter fills the room before Joker grabs the camera from me and leaves.

I sit beside Barbara and apply pressure to her abdomen where the bullet went into her. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t the plan. Ra’s Al ghul sent me to get information on Bruce. Joker was never supposed to be here and you were never supposed to be hurt.” I grab her phone and dial Commissioner Gordon's number before placing a Joker card on her chest and leaving a smiling cat drawing somewhere in the apartment.

*Present day*

“YOU!” I hear Barbara before I see her. “YOU WERE THERE WHEN THIS HAPPENED.” Her wheelchair comes around the corner and she motions to her body and the wheelchair. “How dare you do this to me. You're responsible for this."

I stand up and give her a blank face while meeting her eyes, “If it wasn’t for me you would have bled to death. If it wasn’t for me Gordon would never have been called. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be with my soulmate.” My eyes move from her to Richard then back to her, “I’m sorry, I was never meant to hurt you or let you be hurt. I watched over your recovery as much as I allowed to. Ra’s sent you the best doctor he could because he blamed me for letting Joker into your room.” I limp my first two steps as I walk towards her and Richard.

I look down at Barbara in her wheelchair as I stand next to her, “At least you have a family.” I stand up straight and look Richard in the eyes, “It’s fine to hate me, hate me for everything I haven’t done, but please, hate me so you can see what’s good for you.” I walk up the stairs to the kitchen to see Alfred. I write him a note with the address of my next destination before I leave.

Bruce, Clark, Barbara, and Dick are still down in the Batcave. Dick is the only one not looking up the stairs after where I went. Barbara speaks up first, “Good riddance freak.” She tries to wheel away towards the Batcomputer, however she can’t move. Dicks has a grip on the handles of her wheelchair. “Dick, you can let go now. She’s gone and won’t bother us again.” She reaches back to try and get his attention, “Come on, let’s plan our wedding.”

Dick pulls away from her torn between his heart and what he thought was his heart. “Do you blame her?” He looked at Clark and at Bruce for their answers. Bruce shakes his head as Clark shrugs. “I can’t hate her. I’m mad at her but I can’t hate her. Especially not now, not since I just got her back.” He looks down at his hands for an answer causing his eyes to narrow as he sees a hand being placed in his.

“Forget about her Dick. She’s a freak and she tried to kill me. Lydia admitted she’s the reason I'm in this wheelchair. We should hate her like we hate all the other villains.” Barbara’s hand closes around his until Dick pulls away looking at her like she’s insane. “Please, you wouldn’t throw away our future for someone who claims to be your soulmate and you wouldn’t leave me for the person that put me in this chair.” Her eyes narrow as she looks into the blue pools that make his eyes. She’s challenging him to fall in love with a villian, with me.

“Enough.”

Everyone turns to face Clark glaring at Barbara and Dick. “Enough. She is not a villain by choice. She could have let you die Barbara, but she didn’t. She is the one letting her soulmate marry someone who isn’t her.” Clark steps closer to the couple and lets out a slow breath, “Maybe you should hate her, it would be easier for you to live with yourself.” His eyes meet Dicks before he turns and flies away.

#lydia kent #Dick Grayson #Barbara Gordon #Joker #Chapter 2 #Hate Me #Blue October #Main Story #Superman #Batman #Nightwing #Cat

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idiot-cheesehead-archenemy · 5 years ago

Text

Resistance

My truce gift for @kinglazrus! They asked for Electric Core AU and Clockwork Teaching/Training Danny, which seemed to go together pretty well so I used both. (They also asked for Danny in College but I have no idea what being in an American college is like so … he’s in high school.) Hope you enjoy!

CW for transphobic bullying

Summary:

Danny struggles to control his new electricity powers, among other things.

Word count: 9069

Also on AO3

Danny took a deep breath and raised his hand. Slowly, he reached forward, his entire body tense. He knew what was going to happen, but he tried nevertheless to hold on. Inch by inch his hand grew closer to the object in front of him. He wasn’t breathing now. Finally, he made contact, a single fingertip touching the cold metal. All at once he felt the rush of energy leaving his body, and he swore loudly.

“This isn’t working,” Danny said, turning back to Clockwork.

“You knew this would take time, Danny. Don’t give up yet.”

“I’m not giving up, I’m just being realistic. Whatever I’m doing, it’s not working. We’re just wasting …” Danny remembered where he was and shook his head. “Whatever, you know what I mean.”

“I know this is frustrating for you, but if you keep practicing, I’m sure you’ll -”

“Stop saying that!” For a second, Danny’s entire body was alive with energy. The brightness of the glow and the loudness of the buzzing, whining tone were unpleasant, but those sensations paled in comparison to the fire that raced through his veins and over his skin. As soon as he realized what was happening, Danny’s eyes widened, and he placed his hand on the metal pole beside him to discharge the energy. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “I didn’t mean -”

“It’s alright.” Clockwork hadn’t reacted in the slightest, of course. It would take a lot to phase someone who could see the whole of time. Danny sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“It’s just that I don’t think the problem is that I’m not trying hard enough. I think I’m just trying to do the impossible by changing the way electricity behaves. I’m fighting against the laws of physics, here.” Clockwork raised an eyebrow but made no comment. Danny rolled his eyes. “Ok, yes, I know ghosts have a … looser relationship with physics in general, but, evidently, electrons still flow from negatively charged substances -” he gestured at himself “- to positively charged ones -” he gestured to the metal pole. “And I can’t change that. It’s not like my ecto-energy where I can control what it does.”

“No, the electricity isn’t like your ecto-energy,” Clockwork said, “it is your ecto-energy. It is one of the forms your energy can take.”

“But it’s not ecto-energy, right? It’s electricity. As in, moving electrons. I can’t control electrons.”

“No? Why not?”

“Because … I don’t know. I just can’t.”

“You have an electricity core, Danny. Controlling electrons is precisely what your core allows you to do.”

“If that’s true, then why doesn’t the electricity do what I want?”

“It does.” Clockwork saw that Danny was about to object and raised a hand. “Or, at least, it does what you expect it to do. It’s following instructions that you’ve subconsciously given it. You need to acknowledge that you have control so that you can consciously issue different commands.” Danny huffed.

“Listen, Clockwork, it’s not that I don’t believe you. You are, by all accounts, the expert here. But, I don’t know, maybe there’s something wrong with me. I’ve been trying, and I’m telling you that I can’t control this.”

“You already do.” Clockwork gestured toward Danny, who looked down at himself and saw that his hairs were standing on end. Of course they were, because he was getting upset again, which meant his body was building up a charge again. He wondered idly whether he took on a negative charge with negative emotions and a positive charge with positive emotions. Probably not, he decided. Somehow he suspected that it was always negative.

“Ok, so I can, what, summon electricity? Or turn my ecto-energy into electricity? I don’t know what this proves.”

Clockwork sighed. “No, I suppose you don’t. I think we can call it for today. Please think about what I’ve said. Once you accept that you are in control, everything will be so much easier. But you have to truly believe it.”

“You sound like a fortune cookie. Are you still talking about my powers or is this just general life advice?” Danny was being sarcastic, but Clockwork just smiled warmly and said,

“Perhaps it’s both.”

***

Danny wasn’t listening to the teacher. He had been earlier, he was pretty sure. She’d been talking about Ulysses S. Grant, but then he’d tried to remember where he’d heard the name Ulysses before. He thought it was someone in Greek mythology, but, no, that was Odysseus. Was Ulysses short for Odysseus? Did ancient Greek people even have nicknames? Then he’d realized that he wasn’t paying attention so he tried to pay attention again, but now he was just thinking about how he hadn’t been paying attention and he’d probably missed something important and this kept happening and he wasn’t sure why because he’d been getting more sleep lately because the local ghost activity was way down and he didn’t feel like he needed to be out patrolling every night and he kind of wondered whether Clockwork had anything to do with that but he didn’t dare say anything because if Clockwork was somehow responsible then he was definitely breaking some rules and it was probably best to keep quiet about it just in case and if he wasn’t responsible then he would probably be offended by the implication so it was best not to say anything regardless and Danny still wasn’t paying attention so he tried to focus on what the teacher was saying but for some reason the words just slid past him and it almost seemed like the harder he tried to focus the less it worked because he was just thinking about whether or not he was paying attention and noticing that he wasn’t and then thinking about how important it was that he pay attention because he knew he wasn’t going to go over this again outside of class and even if he did it would be more difficult to learn from a book than from the teacher so this was the best time to learn the material which he could only do if he stopped tuning out and thinking about other things which really shouldn’t be that hard.

Science was easier. They all went to a computer lab and spent the period playing what could generously be called a game. It involved breaking apart molecules and building new ones to mimic what happened during chemical reactions. It wasn’t the most interesting stuff, but it didn’t demand too much mental exertion, and when he made a mistake he just got a message telling him to try again. Plus, the teacher couldn’t watch the whole class at once, which gave him the opportunity to check the local news for potential ghost activity. He didn’t expect any, and there wasn’t any, as far as he could tell, but it never hurt to be too aware. Well, it probably did, but he wasn’t worried about it, anyway. While Danny was looking at the news, another student got sent to the principal’s office for going to a website that should really have been blocked on the school internet. Danny went back to building molecules until the bell rang for lunch.

Danny bought some quote-meatloaf-unquote and a soda and went to his usual spot. Sam was already there, eating a vegetarian dish she’d brought from home with her own biodegradable cutlery. He smiled when he sat down and asked Sam how she was. Pretty good, apparently; she was getting a think piece published in an online paper about local environmental issues. Danny told Sam that he was happy for her, and so did Tucker when he joined them. Then Tucker turned to Danny and asked,

“How’s your training going? Can you shoot lightning bolts out of your eyes yet?” Danny’s smile dropped a bit. Sam tutted.

“Dude, could you lay on the pressure a little thicker? I think Danny is feeling too good about himself.” Tucker seemed to notice Danny’s expression, then, and he smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, uh, I meant, ‘how’s your training going? It’s totally ok if you haven’t gotten the hang of your electricity powers yet.’” Danny laughed weakly.

“Don’t worry about it, man. Yeah, no gains yet, but it’s …” Mentally and emotionally draining? “It’s just a slow process, I guess. Right now it seems like all I can do is build up a really strong static charge and then discharge it as soon as I’m grounded. If I could hold on to the energy and release it on-command that could be useful, so that’s kind of what I’m working on.” Sam was nodding.

“That’s definitely something, Danny. Even if you can only use it in close-combat, a strong enough jolt could knock a lot of people out in one shot.”

“Not that we know exactly how a ghost will respond to it,” Tucker added. “Ghosts might not be that susceptible to electricity, and even if they are, some ghosts are probably resistant, especially if they have an electric core, too, so …” Danny and Sam were both looking at him with slightly confused expressions. “What? I’m just saying, there’s no pressure. Whatever happens with your powers, we all need to make sure we stay sharp. Always have a backup plan and such.”

“Yeah,” Danny said, “that’s true.” You probably shouldn’t rely on me. “I probably shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself.” He started cutting up the ambiguous-meat-based loaf on his plate with a plastic fork. “It would be nice to shoot lightning bolts, though,” he said wistfully. There was a slightly awkward silence before Sam said,

“Did you guys hear they’re remaking The Bride of Death?” Danny and Tucker both groaned.

“Of all of Karlos Harstin’s classic horror movies,” Tucker said, “that’s the one that needs a remake? Really?” Danny shook his head.

“Why are they remaking all these sixties flicks, anyway? Who is asking for these?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said with a shrug. “I think they could do it well. Give the bride more agency, for one thing. I mean, the movie is named after her and what does she do in the original? Nothing; she’s a sexy lamp. I, for one, am looking forward to a more modern take.”

“But why not just make a modern movie?” Danny asked. “Why not have a new character and a new story and actually do something inventive?”

“Because they need to sell tickets.” Tucker nodded.

“It’s always about money.”

“Capitalism ruins everything,” Danny said with a scowl. Sam smirked.

“Are you just figuring that out now?”

Tucker started to ask, “So, who’s directing -” but then he apparently noticed something behind Danny’s head and frowned. Danny followed Tucker’s gaze and realized what he was looking at just as Tucker was saying, “Ugh, Dash alert.” Danny quickly turned around, hoping Dash hadn’t noticed him, but it was clear he and Kwan were already walking toward them.

“Don’t engage,” Sam whispered. Danny nodded slightly, focusing on his food as he heard two sets of footsteps approach and then stop right behind him.

“Aww, Kwan, look - it always warms my heart to see the losers huddling together for warmth in this cold uncaring world. It’s so sweet that you guys think that being friends with each other will make it any less likely that you’ll all die alone in a ditch.”

“Well, probably not Sam, because her family has a lot of money,” Kwan said.

“I guess that’s true. Is that why you guys hang out with this goth freak? Is she paying you to be her friends?” Danny saw Sam rolling her eyes, and he smiled. “I bet she pays you to do all sorts of things. Tell me, do you guys both fuck her at once or do you take turns?” The trio all kept their eyes down. “That embarrassing, huh? She must be into the really weird shit.”

Danny felt the weight of a hand on his shoulder, but he kept still. “Come on, Fenton, give us the deets.” After another few seconds of silence, Dash knocked on the top of Danny’s head. “Hey, we’re talking to you, Fentina.”

Danny tensed. Immediately, Tucker was saying,

“Whoa! Not cool, dude,” while Sam said,

“Uh, transphobic much?”

Danny was glad his friends were there to defend him, but in this exact moment he wished they had just stayed quiet. He really didn’t want to make a scene. He tried to subtly shake his head, but they were both focused on Dash.

“What did you just call me?” Dash’s voice was quiet, and it sounded like he was giving them a chance to back down. Danny shook his head more insistently. Sam opened her mouth to answer, but then looked at Danny, who was silently pleading with her to drop it. She huffed and then looked back at Dash.

“I said, just leave us alone, Dash. Go eat your lunch.” Danny held his breath during the silence that followed. Finally, Dash scoffed.

“Fine, but not because you told me to.” Danny rolled his eyes even as he let out a sigh of relief. Dash and Kwan both walked past the table. Kwan stopped for a second and let Dash get ahead before turning and quietly saying,

“Sorry, Danny.” Then he caught up with Dash as they made their way to the cool kid’s table. The trio all watched them go, and once they were out of earshot, Sam started angrily stabbing at her salad with her fork.

“Ugh, I wish I could just … ugh!” Her knuckles were white. “He shouldn’t be able to get away with saying whatever he wants.” Tucker was looking at Danny.

“You ok, man?” Danny took an unsteady breath instead of answering. Now that Dash wasn’t breathing down his neck, the cold fear that had filled him a few seconds ago was quickly being replaced with a hot anger that had his skin tingling and his hair standing on end. He was gripping his fork at least as tightly as Sam was gripping hers, which he realized when the thin plastic snapped in his fist. He reflexively turned his hand intangible before the sharp edges could cut him. Sam was looking at him, too, now, with a concerned expression that matched Tucker’s. With some effort, Danny smiled.

“Yeah, I’m good. I mean, who cares what Dash says? He’s Dash. Fuck that guy, right?” Danny idly picked up half of the broken fork and turned it over in his hands. “He’s gonna peak when he’s twenty-four and I’m gonna … go to space or something. Change the face of astrophysics. I don’t know. I’ll have a good half a century when I’m living my best life and he’s desperately trying to fill the void with food and sex. So he can have his fun now.”

Danny realized that Sam and Tucker were staring at his hands. He looked down and saw that the plastic fork was blackened and partially melted. He looked back at Sam and Tucker, who’s expressions were both now somewhere between concern and fear. Sam was the first to speak.

“I appreciate destructive post-modern art as much as the next girl, but maybe there’s a better time and place?”

“Yeah, dude,” Tucker added. “I get it, but what if someone saw?” He punctuated this by looking around to the other tables, none of whom were apparently interested in the trio.

“Right, yeah, I’m …” Danny felt like he should apologize, but he wasn’t sure what to apologize for. He sighed and picked up the other half of the broken fork before standing up. “I’m gonna get a new fork.” Sam and Tucker glanced at one another, but said nothing as Danny walked away.

***

Danny was staring out his bedroom window and trying not to think about anything when heard a quiet knock.

“Yeah?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Danny saw Jazz open the door and poke her head in. He was sitting in the middle of his bed with his arms wrapped around his knees. Jazz stepped slowly into the room.

“How are you doing, little brother?” Danny continued staring out his window for a moment before looking at her.

“Well, I’m afraid to touch my phone, my computer, or my playstation, so, uh. Bored.” She made a face that Danny recognized as a combination of disappointment and concern. Everybody seemed to be concerned lately. Danny didn’t like that, but he had to admit, even if only to himself, that they had good reasons.

“Have you tried reading a book? Maybe doing some homework?”

“I …” He had, in fact, but he couldn’t really focus on it. He kept getting up to do other things, or he would just stare at the page and not do anything. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it - he didn’t, but that wasn’t the issue. He just couldn’t get into the right frame of mind to sit down and work. Normally, he did his homework either late at night or in the morning before school, since he spent most of his time ghost hunting. As a result, he was usually too tired to get distracted. With the recent lack of ghost activity, he actually had time to do homework after school, but he couldn’t take advantage of the time because he apparently was incapable of doing any work during the day.

He wondered, not for the first time, whether Jazz’s psychology obsession might actually be able to help him. He certainly felt messed up enough. Not that he would ever tell her as much; it wouldn’t be fair to put that on her. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll get started on my homework.”

“That’s good. And don’t get too worried about your powers, ok? You dealt with all of your ghost powers coming in at once somehow, so I’m sure you can handle all this new electricity stuff.” Danny nodded and didn’t say that he was well aware of that and it made him feel like an idiot that he was struggling so much with something he would have been able to handle easily a year and a half ago. “Actually,” Jazz said, “about your powers …” Danny tilted his head to the side as Jazz averted her gaze. “Uhm, it’s not a big deal, but I found scorch marks around the outlet by the kitchen table. I’m guessing that was you?” It was Danny’s turn to look away sheepishly. He nodded.

He’d been planning to do homework in the kitchen, so he’d brought his computer and charger down. When he plugged the charger into the wall, it started sparking and burning. Thank goodness the other end hadn’t been plugged into his computer. With his hands carefully covered by a dish towel, Danny had removed the charger - now probably ruined - and quickly brought it and his computer back into his room. He hadn’t even thought about the damage to the wall.

“Ok, like I said, not a big deal, I get it, but, if it happens again, can you clean the scorch marks off? If mom and dad see that, they’ll want to know what happened, and, you know. There’s no easy explanation.” Danny nodded again.

“Yeah, sorry, will do.”

“Ok, thanks. The outlet still works, by the way, so we’re good there.” She stepped back into the hall. Before closing the door she added, “And good luck with your homework. Let me know if I can help.” Danny smiled.

“Yeah, thanks.” Jazz smiled back as she closed the door. Danny sighed and looked over at his desk where his math textbook was still sitting open.

***

“No, I haven’t made any progress,” Danny said as he crossed his arms. “I don’t even know what progress would look like. Apparently all I need to do to control my powers is believe harder, and that doesn’t seem like something I can practice. What do you want me to do? Believe six impossible things before breakfast?”

“It was merely a question.” Danny scoffed.

“A question you already knew the answer to, because you know everything.”

“Yes.” Danny rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t …” Danny glared at the floor. “I mean, it’s a lot of things, I don’t know. I feel like you’re putting a lot on me, but also, like, these powers are ruining my life because I basically can’t touch things anymore. I keep melting things or setting them on fire when I’m not careful. So that’s kind of a lot. And I’m definitely freaking out my friends and Jazz but I have no idea what to do to make them think I’m ok because, you know, I’m really not, but it’s not something they can help with. And I’m stressed about school. And I still have to deal with any ghosts that try to start shit in Amity. And Dash all but misgendered me at lunch the other day and I really want to just kick his teeth in which I know is bad but it doesn’t even matter because I can’t because if I tried anything I’d probably end up electrocuting him.” Danny looked back up at Clockwork, who’s expression had softened.

“I’m sorry. Of course you’re going through a lot right now. You know I can’t interfere, but I do care, and I am here for you. If you want to talk …” Danny shook his head.

“I don’t really think talking helps.” Clockwork hesitated for a few moments, but at last he nodded.

“Very well. Let’s focus on getting control of your electricity powers, then. The last thing anyone wants is for you to hurt somebody.” Danny chuckled.

“Can’t have me turning evil, right? The Observants would probably dock your pay for that.” Clockwork smiled.

“I find your consistent misunderstanding of my relationship with the Observants endlessly entertaining.”

“That’s good, because I have no intention of learning.” Danny was very aware of the fact that Clockwork hadn’t dismissed his comment about turning evil. He tried not to read into that. Clockwork gestured forward.

“Shall we?”

They flew to the ‘training room’ Clockwork had put together two weeks ago when Danny had first asked him to help with his new electricity powers. It was basically just an empty stone room with a few objects strewn about as targets or obstacles, some conductive and some not. The arrangement of the room suggested that Clockwork had intended for Danny to stand in the centre of the room and try to hit the targets at range, but it had become clear very quickly that ranged attacks were well outside of his ability. Danny had spent pretty much the entirety of their first session just getting to a point where he could consistently produce a charge, and their second session simply trying to hold on to his charge while he was grounded. The latter hadn’t exactly been successful.

Clockwork stopped in the middle of the room and turned back to Danny. “I want to do something different today.” Danny was relieved to hear that, but he tried not to show it. “Before you can control how your electricity behaves, you need to feel that it is your electricity. You need to believe that it is something you do, rather than something that happens to you. To that end, I want you to try summoning electricity intentionally without relying on your emotions. You should be able to remain perfectly calm while creating a charge.”

Danny took a deep breath. That sounded good, if difficult. He’d more or less gotten the hang of working himself up until he could feel the electricity, but he’d suspected that wasn’t the best way to do this. He still wasn’t sure about this ‘believing he was in control’ business, but surely, if he could remain calm while using his powers, then he’d have an easier time controlling them. It made sense that his emotions would get in the way and keep him from focusing the way he needed to.

Of course, it was easy to say that, but he still had to figure out how to draw on his electricity powers. They didn’t feel the same as his regular ghost powers. The electricity, if Clockwork was right, ultimately came from his core, but it wasn’t as simple as drawing energy from his core as he usually did. There was an extra step that needed to happen to turn that core energy into electricity, a step which had only ever happened unconsciously before. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what it felt like when he got angry or frustrated and recreate that feeling without actually becoming angry or frustrated. It was about as impossible as he expected.

“It’s alright. Do what you need to do to summon the electricity, and, as you do, focus on what’s happening in your body.” Danny nodded and took another breath as he thought about Dash. It was an easy go-to to get himself angry. He remembered various taunts and insults that Dash had thrown his way in the past year. He had become less physical lately, probably because Danny had handed him his ass one too many times with the help of his ghost powers, but the words had only gotten worse since then. Danny felt the familiar buzzing, and he tried to focus on that.

He felt the prickling heat throughout his body, but he had no idea where it was coming from. The buzzing, tingling sensation seemed to mostly be on the surface of his skin, and especially in his hands. Did that mean it was coming from his hands? He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. The tingling disappeared first, while the heat remained. So, then, the electricity must come from deeper in his body. But as he relaxed, he found that the feeling simply faded away. When he started thinking about Dash again, the heat returned, but it didn’t seem to come from anywhere in particular. He opened his eyes and shook his head.

“I don’t know. It’s just … It all just happens at once. It definitely doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything.”

“And is that different from all of your other powers?” Danny considered. Certainly, some of his powers did happen reflexively on occasion, and they had done so much more when he first got them.

“I used to go intangible a lot without meaning to. I don’t think it was ever tied to my emotions, but it definitely wasn’t intentional.”

“And how did you learn to control that?”

“I’m not … really sure? It was kind of trial and error. Now I just do it, same as flying or, I don’t know, breathing. It’s like a muscle I can flex. But early on … I remember trying to - and don’t laugh - to just think intangible thoughts. Like, I would try to picture myself being intangible.” Clockwork didn’t laugh, but then, he so rarely did.

“And what happens when you picture yourself using your electricity powers?” Danny shrugged. “Why don’t we try that?” Danny dutifully closed his eyes and pictured himself summoning electricity, his body glowing and crackling with energy.

They spent an hour or two like that, alternating between Danny summoning electricity with his emotions and trying to do so with his mind. By the end of it, he was feeling as frustrated and disappointed as ever, but Clockwork reminded him that it had taken over a month of practice to get his other powers under control.

“Yeah,” Danny sighed, “I guess. But I feel like it should be easier now than it was then. I should be better at this because I’ve done it before.”

“Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. This is new, and there’s no reason for you to be especially good at it or to improve especially quickly.”

“But I could, right? If I just believed that I could?” Clockwork inclined his head slightly.

“More easily said than done, I gather. But yes.” Danny gritted his teeth as he smiled.

“Cool.”

“I think we can put this particular exercise on hold for now. Was there anything else you wanted to do or discuss?” Danny shook his head. “Are you certain? I know you don’t want to talk about everything, but if there’s anything I can do to support you, all you need do is ask.”

“I know, and that’s really cool of you, but …” But I don’t even know what to ask for. But I feel like you’d just be wasting your time on a lost cause. But I’m afraid of what would happen if I did ask for help. “But I’ll be okay.”

Clockwork was silent for a long time, and Danny imagined that he was scanning possible futures to see whether there would be any horrible consequences if he let Danny just walk out. Clockwork had explained once that timelines involving beings who existed outside of time, including himself, were much harder to see and much less certain than most. Considering how much Clockwork interacted with him, Danny wondered whether his timeline was still visible at all. When the silence started to get uncomfortable, Danny said,

“Really, I’ll be okay. And I promise to let you know if that changes.” After another moment, Clockwork finally nodded.

“Then I will see you in a week.”

“Well, I’ll see you in a week. You’ll see me right now, because time doesn’t exist here.”

“No, that’s still not how that works.” Danny rolled his eyes. “But, if it makes you happy, then yes, I’ll see you right now.” Danny smiled again, more genuinely this time.

“See you then.”

***

Danny had a math test on Wednesday, which meant that he couldn’t think about anything on Tuesday. For the past two weeks, he’d been telling himself that he still had time, but now he didn’t and he wasn’t prepared. History and science passed in a blur. At the end of each class he had about a page of notes and absolutely no memory of writing them. Tucker tried to help him study during lunch, the two of them sitting alone in a stairwell. Unfortunately, Tucker was a lot better at math than he was at teaching. By the third step of an explanation, Danny had already lost the thread. When he got the wrong answers on practice questions, Tucker couldn’t understand where he had gone wrong or why. At one point, a small group of people walked past them, and one of them made a comment about Danny and Tucker’s sexualities, and then another made a comment about Danny’s genitals and wondered aloud whether that made a difference, and the group continued discussing it as they walked away. Tucker yelped at the electric shock he received through the floor. Danny thanked Tucker for trying to help but said he’d rather keep studying alone.

After lunch was math, which thankfully was a review period. Danny was somewhat comforted by the fact that a lot of people in class had a lot of questions, many of them the same questions that he had. The answers the teacher gave made sense, but then it always made sense in class. He had his pages of practice open in front of him and he wrote on them in pen explaining what he had done wrong and what he should have done. He wrote a lot of exact quotes of what the teacher said. He wasn’t sure it would be enough. When they did practice questions in class he was still getting wrong answers. He didn’t understand why. The teacher would say something and Danny would write it down and then ten minutes later he would be looking at the question and not remember what they’d just talked about. He did get some right, though. He wasn’t sure whether it was luck or skill, but he got some questions right and he had to hold on to that. The test would be worth fifteen percent and that seemed like a lot all at once. Danny knew that being stressed wouldn’t help and he would hate himself if he failed because he was too stressed to focus on that one day. So he tried to figure out how to do the questions he didn’t understand and to remind himself that he did know some of this and based on the questions other people were asking he probably was doing better than some people and that was a good thing and he just had to relax and trust that he was smart enough to pass because if he didn’t relax then it wouldn’t even matter how smart he was and he wasn’t exactly sure how to relax so he just tried to breathe deeply and hoped that was close enough.

Gym wasn’t great, but gym was never great. Danny was a lot stronger and more coordinated in ghost form than human. They had recently started their football unit, which was a blessing in disguise as the coach was almost entirely focused on the students who were on the football team, leaving the rest of the class to devote as much or as little effort as they wanted to the class. Danny was barely aware of what he was doing as he practiced throwing and catching with a partner. He overextended his arm a lot and every time he felt a pang in his elbow, but he wasn’t too worried about it because his ghost powers made him an impossibly fast healer. By this time tomorrow his arm would be perfectly fine and ready for him to wreck it again. He knew that if he just threw the ball properly then he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain. He didn’t want to hurt his arm. So he should probably just stop overextending it. He knew how to; the coach had gone over it at the beginning of class. Danny threw the ball back to his partner and winced.

***

“We’re only bringing this up because we’re worried about you.”

“Yeah, I know.” Danny didn’t make eye contact with his parents, who were sitting on the couch across from him. He was sat cross-legged on a chair, staring at the blank TV screen. He’d been watching some mindless made-for-TV drama flick until a few minutes ago when his parents had turned it off and said they wanted to talk.

“Can you tell us anything about what’s going on?” his father asked, his voice and eyes pleading. Danny understood their concern, of course, but what could he tell them? That he was frustrated because he couldn’t control his new ghost powers? He didn’t imagine that going over well. He shook his head.

“It’s really nothing. I’m sorry if I worried you, but I’m fine.” His father shook his head.

“Danny, it’s obvious you aren’t fine. Please. Is something happening at school? Are you being bullied?”

“No, of course not. I would tell you. That’s what you do, right? ‘Always tell an adult,’ or whatever?”

“Is it drugs?” his mother asked. Danny rolled his eyes.

“No, mom, I can absolutely promise you that I am not now doing nor will I ever do drugs. I’m not an idiot.”

“Sometimes smart people make mistakes, Danny. We want you to feel comfortable enough to come to us if you do make a mistake.” Yeah, actually there was this pretty big mistake involving the ghost portal … He sighed.

“Of course I do, mom. You guys have always been supportive, and I know you’ll love me no matter what.” As long as you still believe that I’m me, and not some ghost pretending to be your son. “Please believe that I would tell you if something was going on.” His parents looked at each other for what felt like a very long time. Then his mother looked back at him and smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Ok, Danny. But just … just talk to us, ok? Whatever’s going on, good or bad, we want to hear about it.”

“We want to be a part of your life,” his father added. Danny did feel guilty for shutting them out, but he knew it had to be done. He wanted to believe that they would accept him as a half-ghost, but … well, but he didn’t.

“You are a part of my life,” he said, chuckling slightly. “I mean, family, friends, school, that’s pretty much all I’ve got going on. By my math, you guys and Jazz are like, an entire third of my life. I’m not sure I can give you much more than that.”

“Speaking of which,” his mother began, her tone still serious. Danny sighed again. “How is school going? Your grades dropped a lot when you started high school. Are you getting the help you need? Are things getting any easier?” Danny shrugged as he looked at the carpet.

“Yeah, I guess? It was just the workload, you know? I wasn’t prepared for it.” Somehow he hadn’t anticipated that he would have to deal with dying and then becoming a superhero at the same time as he was adjusting to high school. “I think this year will be better. I’m starting to … find my rhythm, or something.”

“You’re getting your homework done every night?” Danny cringed, but he covered it with another shrug.

“Yeah, I mean, most of it is optional, anyway. Like, we usually go over everything in class, and the homework is just if you need more practice.” Admittedly, that was true for his math and science classes, so he was only half-lying. He also conveniently left out the detail that he absolutely could use the extra practice. His father smiled brightly.

“Ha! So you’re too smart to need their dumb homework. That’s my boy!” His mother frowned.

“I would feel better if you did the homework, even if you don’t think you need to. Practice never hurt anyone.” Danny almost laughed as he recalled how often he and his friends had gotten hurt when he practiced using his powers in the months after he got them. It wasn’t really funny, though.

“Yeah, I’ll try. Are we done here? Not to be rude, but I was kind of watching TV.” His mother sighed and his father nodded.

“I think we’re done, right Madds? Just remember that you can talk to us about anything that’s bothering you. Especially if it’s ghosts.” He suddenly squinted his eyes. “You aren’t being bothered by ghosts, are you son?” If only you knew. “Because you know your old man could take care of that problem, no … problem.”

“No, dad, I don’t have a ghost problem.” Danny reached for the remote, but hesitated for a moment, partially to decide whether he should say something else and partially to let the tingling in his fingertips subside. The remote was covered in plastic, but he’d learned the hard way that that wasn’t always enough. After a second, he added, “And thanks for reaching out. I know you guys just want what’s best for me. I love you.” His parents both smiled. His father said,

“Anytime, son.” His mother nodded and said,

“We love you, too, sweetie.” Danny smiled back at them for a moment, but he found that he had to look away. After a year and a half, he would have thought lying to them would come naturally, but it still made his stomach twist and his eyes sting.

***

Danny thought that the math test went alright, which possibly meant that his last-minute studying had paid off and possibly meant that he was so unprepared that he couldn’t even tell when he didn’t know the answers. He wanted to believe he was just being pessimistic, but considering how often he’d gotten wrong answers on the practice questions when he thought he was doing them correctly, it seemed at least as likely as not that he had bombed the test. Or maybe he’d performed completely middlingly. He wouldn’t know for at least a few days. That wasn’t going to stop him from worrying about it. Luckily, he also had a history paper due in less than two weeks, so he figured he could switch things up and worry about that when he got tired of worrying about his math grade.

Gym class managed to distract him pretty well as they were now learning plays, which meant a lot of moving around and paying attention to where other people were and hand-eye coordination. He was pretty bad at it, and he got some comments to that effect from other students, but he was used to that.

The football team had practice on the field right after school, and several of the team members arrived a few minutes before the bell. The coach was already completely distracted, so Danny decided he didn’t need to stick around. He changed as quickly as he could in a bathroom stall and sprayed himself with too much body spray because he had long since learned not to shower at school when other students might walk in. He was walking out of the changeroom just as the bell rang, and he saw Dash walking toward him. He put his head down, but there was no way to avoid walking past him. Danny hoped that Dash would ignore him and just go into the changeroom, but when Danny turned down a side hallway, he heard footsteps behind him.

“Leave me alone, Dash. Don’t you have to get to practice?”

“Oh, I’ve always got time to make your life harder, Fenton.” Danny rolled his eyes and kept walking. “Hey, how is gym going for you, anyway? You look like such a scrawny piece of shit, I can’t imagine you’re acing the class. Which is funny, because you want to be an astronaut, don’t you? You know that astronauts have to be in shape, right? As in, a shape other than a stick.”

“‘Stick’ isn’t really a shape.”

“Yeah, that’s what I just said, isn’t it? Jesus, are you deaf, too?”

“Whatever.” Danny was at his locker, now. He turned his body to hide the fact that he opened the door by briefly making the lock intangible.

“Kind of makes me wonder what you’ll actually end up doing for money once you realize your dreams are stupid. Maybe you’ll join the freak family business with your useless dad and weirdly hot mom.” That one got Danny to look up.

“What was that about my mom?” Dash laughed as he leaned casually against the lockers.

“Oh, does that bother you?” Danny shrugged.

“Eh, not really. You’re not the first creep to have a thing for my mom.”

“Well, it’s no wonder. The poor woman doesn’t have real man in the house to look after her. Your dad’s a fucking joke, and you’re, well.” He looked Danny up and down in a way that made him deeply uncomfortable. “Huh. You know, you’ve kind of got her figure. If you hadn’t decided to be a dude, you probably would have looked just like her.” Danny was packing his bag, now, as quickly as he could. He hated everything about how this conversation was going and he could already feel the heat rising in his veins. “You’ve still got a pussy, though, don’t you? You know, I’ve got a couple ideas for how you could make money, if you want.”

What happened next seemed like the kind of thing that should happen in slow-motion, but, instead, it was all terrifyingly fast.

Danny shoved the last book in his bag and slammed his locker shut. As soon as his hand touched the metal door, electricity was flowing out of him, through the wall of lockers, and into Dash’s back. Dash made no sound as he fell to the floor, his body completely limp. There was a slight whisp of smoke rising from his burned shirt.

Danny was frozen in place for several seconds, staring at Dash’s body, praying that he would move, or make some noise, or something. Nothing happened. Soon enough, somebody would come looking for Dash, and Danny felt very strongly that he needed to not be here when they arrived. He locked his locker; somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that leaving it open would tie him to the scene, and closing it would give him plausible deniability. Then, without another look at Dash, he grabbed his backpack and ran.

***

Danny was sitting outside of Clockwork’s castle and thinking. He might have killed someone. He couldn’t control his powers and now he might have killed someone. Dash was an awful person, but did he deserve to die? Actually, Danny didn’t have a good answer to that question. He wondered whether the world would be better without Dash. Then he felt guilty because even if that was the case, it wasn’t Danny’s place to decide who lived and who died. He had lost so much sleep worrying about becoming the kind of person who thought that they could decide who lived and who died simply because they had the power to do so, and now that Dash might be dead he found himself trying to justify his actions and he wondered whether it was already happening and he was already the person he had feared becoming and that terrified him but the idea that he might have just killed an innocent person for no reason simply because his powers were out of his control wasn’t much easier to palette because firstly that meant that he had killed an innocent person which was exactly the kind of thing that the kind of person he didn’t want to be would do and did it really matter why he killed them or whether or not he felt guilty about it when at the end of the day the person was still dead and all of the consequences of that would happen regardless of why he had done it or how he felt about it like all of Dash’s family and friends would be destroyed and all of them were innocent victims too so it wasn’t even just one person that he hurt but countless people in countless ways that he would never even know not that knowing would make it any better and secondly that meant that his powers were out of control and he thought he already knew that but he’d still been careless and acted like he could control them and he didn’t take any precautions and now it was too late and even if it wasn’t too late for Dash Danny still couldn’t avoid the fact that he could have killed someone because he couldn’t control his powers but he had no idea how to control his powers and he wasn’t sure that it was possible and that was really the worst part of all of this because it meant that this could happen again and Danny didn’t want it to happen again of course he didn’t but he remembered what Clockwork had told him that he really was in control but he was just controlling the power subconsciously and all he needed to do was believe that and he could bring that control to his conscious mind and Danny had wanted to believe that before but he couldn’t because it didn’t feel like he was in control but now it was worse because if he accepted that he was in control all along that he would have to accept that he had chosen to electrocute Dash and what really terrified him was that he couldn’t dismiss that possibility out of hand because of course he had wanted to electrocute Dash even if he would never ordinarily have done it and honestly even if he was right and Clockwork was wrong about his powers it was still true that Danny had felt the electricity inside himself and he had seen that Dash was leaning on the lockers and he had touched the metal door so he couldn’t even really say that what had happened had happened because he couldn’t control his power because he could certainly control what he touched and when and he had chosen to touch the locker at that moment which meant that he had chosen to electrocute Dash which meant that he was turning evil and he wanted to say that he didn’t want to be evil but of course he did because if he didn’t then he wouldn’t have done what he did and Danny could swear all day that he hadn’t wanted that to happen but if he really hadn’t wanted to kill Dash then he wouldn’t have but he did or at least he tried to so then Danny must really be evil even though he felt like he didn’t want to be evil and he had no idea what that meant and all he could think was that sooner or later he would probably just accept it and stop feeling guilty and when that happened he had no idea what he might do so he had to make sure that didn’t happen or Clockwork had to because wasn’t that the whole point of their arrangement that Clockwork was supposed to stop Danny from being evil or kill him if he did turn evil but he hadn’t done anything yet which might mean that there was still a chance for Danny or it might mean that Clockwork was just giving him time to process and make peace with what had happened before killing him or maybe Danny was just going to be stuck here in Clockwork’s castle forever where he couldn’t hurt anyone which wasn’t exactly a pleasant idea but he supposed it was better than him hurting people but then if he really believed that then maybe that meant that he really wasn’t evil at all because how could an evil person be willing to sacrifice themselves to save others but then how could a good person have electrocuted someone just because they were being a dick because that was exactly what Danny had done and actions spoke louder than words even the words in someone’s head.

Danny went through the same circular thoughts for what felt like hours, though of course in reality no time was passing. He wondered several times why Clockwork hadn’t come to see him yet - it wasn’t like he didn’t have the time - but he eventually realized that he wasn’t in any state of mind to talk. Gradually, he managed to become … not calm, exactly, but much less agitated.

When Clockwork did appear, he didn’t speak, and Danny didn’t either. He had a lot of questions, but he wasn’t sure he wanted the answers to any of them. For a long time, they both just stared out into the ghost zone, watching the colours in the sky flow and swirl.

“Did I kill him?” Danny asked when he couldn’t bear the silence any longer. Clockwork hesitated a moment before responding.

“You know I can’t tell you what’s going to -” Danny shook his head.

“Yeah, I know. But can you tell me if he was dead when I left?”

“He wasn’t.”

“Ok.” Danny nodded. “Ok.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“You know that you have to go back.” It wasn’t a question, but Danny shook his head.

“I’m not sure I should.”

“I know you’re not, but that doesn’t change anything. You can’t stay here forever. Sooner or later you need to face the consequences of your actions.” Danny closed his eyes.

“I’m not ready.”

“I know.”

Danny tried to take a deep breath, but it caught in his throat. It was only then that he noticed the prickling in his eyes, and within moments the tears were flowing freely. He was dimly surprised to realize that this was the first time he’d cried all day. He’d been thinking so much about what happened, running it over and over and analyzing everything, but he hadn’t really felt it. Now that he was experiencing those emotions, they overwhelmed him. He was scared and sad and frustrated and disappointed and angry and shocked and he had no idea what to do with all of that so he just wrapped his arms around his chest and sobbed. He barely even noticed the other set of arms that encircled him.

The two of them sat, unmoving, for a long time while Danny cried. He felt like he could stay here crying into his mentor’s shoulder forever. Indeed, they were in the one place where that might be possible. But Danny could still feel the passage of time, and, slowly, his tears started to subside, though his emotions were still a mess.

“I can’t do it,” Danny whispered, his voice choked. “My powers, I can’t -”

“You can.”

“I can’t. I can’t even do my homework. I can’t pay attention in class. I can’t throw a goddamn football properly.” Danny sobbed again, and it took him a few tries to get his breath back. “I should be able to, but if I could then why would I be doing this? Why would I make my life harder on purpose? Why would I fucking elecrocute someone? If I could control it then this wouldn’t have happened. Or if I can, then I’m a psychopath.”

“I’m sorry,” Clockwork said gently. “I know this is difficult, but I promise to help you in any way I can.”

“You can’t help me. If I’m the only one who can control what I do, then you can’t help. I’m the only one who could theoretically help me, and apparently I either can’t or won’t.” Danny’s tears had completely stopped now, and he wasn’t sure that was a good thing.

“We’ll keep working on this together. I won’t give up on you, Danny, and I won’t let you give up on yourself.”

“You’re going to be disappointed.”

“Are you implying that the Master of Time doesn’t know what’s going to happen in the future?” He said it like a joke, but Danny couldn’t bring himself to smile.

“Not when you interfere with events.”

“True enough. Even so, I know that you could never disappoint me. And I know that, sooner or later, you will figure out your powers and whatever else you need to figure out. And I know that, impossible though it may sound, you will be happy.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You don’t have to just yet. For now, I will believe it for both of us.”

#danny phantom #Danny Fenton #clockwork #holiday truce 2019 #fanfic #my writing #transphobia cw #idk how to phrase it but also cw for like negative self talk and general bad mental health

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lackadaisical-lesbian · 4 years ago

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Before Middle School I never had real friends, I moved every year and most friend groups I had(if any) I really just made myself fit in with them to not just suffer. I was never attached to anyone (besides one girl Kathy, I knew her for a year and a half but we kept in touch for a while but after that I kind of forgot about her a lot:/). I pretty much just read books all the time and kept to my self(5th grade was the kind of exception, shit was weird). The point is I don't remember most of those people, and I don't really care. I could and did move on. I didn't rely on friends, other things kept me going.

But now, I have had a pretty consistent friend group for a little over three years, and I love them with my entire heart. Unlike before, I got to know them, and I let them know me, they were the first people I have truly opened up to(besides tumbler lmao) and I cannot live without them.

Unfortunately, due to the pandemic and how my school is handling it I have to switch schools. I wasn't working at my school, I am doing worse in my classes than I have in a while, and we've basically been stranded and I can't fucking do it. They've basically told us that it doesn't matter if we die, more kids get covid and don't follow precautions and with minimal precautions against spreading it, even though the school constantly says it cares, they show that they clearly fucking don't, that our lives clearly don't fucking matter. And, honestly? That part probably wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if it was just my life and health on the line, but it's not. If I get sick, then my family gets sick, and they'd probably live but my mom is a caregiver and those ladies wouldn't live. They wouldn't survive the virus. I don't really care for my life, but I do not want others to die, I'm already fucked up, I couldn't handle being the reason someone has to bury a loved one, they don't deserve that. No one deserves that.

I know that moving schools is the right decision, but it feels like I'm having my heart ripped out. The school I'm moving to is basically go in a few days a week for 5 hours and work on a computer, so I won't exactly have to make new friends(doesn't really help my anxiety, but it is what it is) but I already don't get to see my friends often(hybrid learning) but now I wont see them besides meeting I set up and only if they're free/their parents ler them.

It's just, recently depression has been kicking my ass. Oddly enought, the only things keeping me alive is some stuff I want to see(special interest be like that), my friends, and the fact that looking the people I'm close with in the eye if I had failed to, well, die would be fucking impossible. I couldn't face that. But not having my friends? It's going to hurt. I don't know how I'll deal with it.

#tw death #(kind of)#depression #just... a lot #I'm sorry I'm blanking on tags so #ask to tag

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luckyjak · 5 years ago

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fic: like 80/20 on the kinsey scale

Summary: Modern/College AU. Caleb sleeps with Essek and panics about his sexuality. Is he gay? Bi? Straight with exceptions? Beau gets to be his Obi-Gay Kenobi. Jester is there to look hot and paint Caleb’s nails. A story about friendship and identity, mostly.

Ships: Shadowgast, hints of Widomauk, past Caleb/Astrid, hints of Beau/Jester, one line of Jester/Cali, one line of Jester/the Bright Queen

There was a knock on her door. “Beauregard.” Another knock. “Beauregard.” Another knock. “Beaur--”

She slammed the door open. “What, Caleb? It’s--” she beadily looked over at the alarm clock before groaning, her face in her hands. “9:30 in the morning, fuck.”

“Ja, I know. I’ve already gone to my 8 am class. I need your help.”

“Can it wait an hour?” Despite her words, she opened the door wider to let him in, knowing he’d follow her. She made a beeline to the tiny keurig on top of her dorm minifridge and set about making a cup of coffee. “Maybe two?”

“I was nice and let you sleep this long, all things considered. As my closest queer friend who isn’t currently in Japan, you are obligated to help me. Please help me.” He flopped down onto her bed, face down into her pillow, curling around it needfully. “I’m having a full-blown gay panic attack, Beau.”

She rolled her eyes and dug around her and Jester’s things, looking for a coffee cup. She finally pulled one out that wasn’t clean, but wasn’t as disgusting as some of the others. “For the last time, finding Molly hot doesn’t make you gay, it makes you human. His gender is a question mark and shouldn’t be counted. I find Molly hot and I’m a capital L lesbian, so--”

“I slept with Essek last night.” Caleb mumbled into the pillow, his face bright red from what little of it Beau could see.

Essek? Essek Essek Essek--who the fuck was Essek? She’d heard the name before, but she couldn’t place who it was. It did sound masculine, though. Maybe there was a point to Caleb’s panic after all.

It was only as she went to open the mini-fridge to grab cream for her coffee that she glanced at Jester’s schedule (9 am MWF, Intro to Physics, Kryn/Thelyss, Roshana hall 311) that her eyes widened with realization.

“Hot boy? Hot boy from the group chat?” She screeched, turning to Caleb, her coffee abandoned. “Essek Thelyss, the hot TA you and Jester have been obsessed with all semester? The one in the wheelchair? The one even fucking Reani is talking about now? That Essek Thelyss? You fucked him?”

Caleb nodded, his head still buried in the pillow.

“Oh my god,” Beau jumped in bed with Caleb, tackling him briefly. She then sat up straight, leaning with her back against the wall. “Tell me everything. Wait. Not everything. I don’t want to hear about dicks touching. But everything else is fair game.”

Slowly Caleb grinned at her, coming out from behind the pillow. He checked his phone quickly before he scooched up so Beau wasn’t sitting on his legs anymore, leaning against the wall as well. “I’m glad you are taking this seriously, Beauregard.”

“Cut me some slack, dude, I just woke up,” she yawned to prove her point. “Start at the beginning.”

“I took him up on the tutoring session that he offers--”

“The ones you don’t need?”

“I need them, just--not as much as I pretend to,” Caleb checked his phone again before he rubbed the back of his head. “You are distracting me.”

“Sorry dude.”

“Anyway, I went to tutoring, and then we started talking, about life and not just about physics, and he asked if I wanted to go get a drink, and I thought, you know, Astrid dumped me a year ago, I haven’t dated anyone else ever in my life, I don’t even know if I’m gay, or bi, or straight but appreciative--”

They had spent a long time talking about that, actually--when Molly had been around, he had dragged whoever was nearby and willing to the university’s Gay-Straight Alliance meetings, which usually consisted of the Mighty Nein and one or two other friends, like Cali and Shakaste. Molly was real good at making them talk about gay stuff, like identity and labels and experimenting, stuff like that. It helped that most of them were queer in some way: Fjord and Nott were mostly straight but good allies, Caduecus was asexual, Yasha, Jester, and Molly were all bi, Beau was a big ol’ lesbian, and Caleb?

Caleb was a question mark. He had, in his own words, only ever dated Astrid in his small podunk town in Zemni Fields, and so didn’t really know what label, if any, applied to him. He had admitted to the group that he found some men attractive, and Molly had argued that that was enough to be bi, but Caleb had hesitated.

...Man, she missed Molly. Stupid fucker had to go and move to fucking Japan in an area with shitty internet service, and thus, sometimes felt like he might as well be dead to them.

“--But I thought, one drink wouldn’t hurt, right?” He sat up on the bed, looking at Beau with a mischievous look on his face. “I must confess, we did not end up getting drinks, Beauregard.”

“Oh?” Beau grinned at him. “What did you end up doing instead, Caleb?” she teased.

“We made out in his car for an hour,” Caleb’s face was as red as his hair, but he didn’t seem embarrassed or ashamed. In fact, there was a sort of confident smugness to Caleb as he told his story, like he was proud of his little tryst. “Then he invited me to his apartment, where I had a panic attack in his bathroom. After he managed to get me to calm down, we proceeded to have the best sex of my entire life--”

She held her fist out, which he bumped gingerly.

“And when I woke up in his bed this morning, I had another panic attack, left him a note with my phone number, and snuck out before he got up. Went to my 8 am class, didn’t hear a single word Professor Wacco said all hour, and then I came here,” he pulled his phone out, checking it anxiously. “And he still hasn’t texted me, and I want him to text me, and I don’t know what any of this means, and I need your help.”

“Help me Obi-Gay Kenobi, I’m your only help?”

“I still haven’t seen Star Wars, but I know enough to know that was a reference.”

“We’re gonna have to fix that one day. Alright,” she refocused her legs in the crisscross, reaching over and snatching Caleb’s phone out of his hands. “First things first, you gotta stop checking this. Dude is teaching Jester’s class right now, so he’s probably not on his phone. Hell, he may not have even seen your note yet, depending on how rushed he felt he was in the morning. I know I don’t always notice booty notes until way later, and he might be the same way.”

She put Caleb’s phone in her pocket, which he immediately protested. “Beau--”

“As soon as it vibrates I’ll hand it over dude, but you’ve got to calm down. Let’s figure you out first and then we can figure out Pretty Boy later.”

“Hot boy,” Caleb mumbled, but didn’t argue.

“Whatever. Second, and I hate asking this because I really want to know nothing about how dudes have sex with each other, but was it like, hand jobs or blow jobs or--”

“His cock was in my ass, Beau,” Ah, the red on his face was from embarrassment, okay. “And it was amazing, and I’ve never come that hard before ever, and I’m re-evaluating my entire life because of it.”

“First off, props to you for bottoming for your first ever gay experience,” she held her fist out again for him to bump, which he did. “As a fellow bottom I’d like to welcome you to our ranks, we are a proud and noble people, etcetera etcetera.”

He put his head in a pillow. “Beauregard.”

“Second, you never do anything half-way, do you? Couldn’t you have, like, I don’t know, watched gay porn for a bit before you decided to try anal with your TA?”

Caleb shook his head. “I don’t like porn. It’s--I find it vulgar. And demeaning towards women. And I’m afraid I’m going to get a computer virus. I’d rather read.” His face was still red, but at least he’d lowered the pillow.

“Your smut club with Jester.”

“It’s not a smut clu--well, I guess it sort of is because Jester picks out all the books, but it was always meant to be more than smut books!” He held the pillow close to his chest like he might his cat.

Beau ignored him, holding three fingers out in front of his face. “Third, remember what Molly said about how labels are meaningless unless you want them to mean something? That’s still true. You don’t have to be gay or straight or bi unless you want to.”

He turned his head, looking away from Beau and instead at the messy desk/kitchen area of her joint dorm room with Jester.

“I think I am gay, though,” he said quietly, still not looking at her. “I--I really enjoyed myself last night. If that’s how sex with men usually is then that’s what I want. I don’t want to have sex with women, I don’t think. Not unless it’s the right woman.” He groaned into her pillow, pulling his brown hoodie over his head so that it covered his eyes. “Which makes me bi.”

“It’s the Kinsey scale,” Beau leaned back and grinned. “100 is attracted to men, 0 is attracted to women. Where do you fall?”

“Like, 80/20?” He pulled his hoodie back again. “I loved Astrid, but I feel if what happened with Essek is what sex with men feels like, then my attraction to her was the exception, not the rule.” He groaned and lowered his head again. “But what if Essek is the exception instead? What if I don’t actually like men but I like this man. Sheisse, this is so hard. I never worried about this back in Zemni Fields. Don’t--don’t most people figure this out earlier?”

She squeezed his shoulder in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “Look, dude, it’s fine. You can be an 80/20 bi. Or you can be a 50/50 bi. Or you can call yourself gay, or queer, or any other label you’d like. And if you end up dating a woman, the gay police aren’t going to show up and take away your licence or anything. That’s not how it works.”

“It’s just confusing, I guess,” he flopped his head back, banging it against the wall slightly. “I always thought I had it figured out, and then it turns out I didn’t. I’m twenty four years old and I’m in graduate school, I should know what I am and what I want already. Most people figure this out when they are teenagers,” he bit his lip hesitantly, as Caleb often did when anxious. “When--when did you realize you liked women, Beau?”

“When I was like, 11. But it doesn’t even matter. So you are a late bloomer? Who gives a shit. This stuff is hard and complicated, and nobody has all the answers. So you just do you, man.”

He smiled at her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. “Thanks, Beaur--”

There was a clicking noise at the door, and then Jester was home, swinging the door wide open and letting the sunshine in. “Good morning beautiful! It’s a beautiful morning outside and--oh! You are already awake!” She gasped, throwing her backpack at her desk with little care. “And Caleb’s here too!” She jumped on Beau’s bed, squeezing herself between Beau and Caleb. She wrapped her arms around Caleb with a tight squeeze. “Good morning Caleb!”

“...Good morning, Jester.”

“What are you doing here so early? Is everything okay?”

Before he could answer, Beau jumped in ahead. “Caleb slept with your TA last night and is experiencing his gay awakening.”

Caleb rolled his eyes as Jester gasped. “Thanks for outing me, Beau.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about it, dude, I’m sorry--”

“It’s fine,” he reached over and hugged Jester again. “I did sleep with Essek though.”

“Essek’s gay?” Jester flopped out of Caleb’s embrace into Beau’s lap. Beau started running her fingers through Jester’s hair out of habit. “Of course he is. He has well-manicured nails and a skincare routine. I should have known. Beau, why is my type apparently hot gay men?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you need to date more women, then.”

From where Jester couldn’t see, Caleb wiggled his eyebrows towards Jester and made a scissoring motion with his fingers; Beau threw a pillow at him.

“Maybe you’re right. Last girl I dated was Cali before she transferred. Still, congrats on being gay, Caleb. I always knew you were one of us.” Jester yawned and stretched, curling up like a cat in Beau’s lap. “I need to redo my nails.”

“I need Essek to text me,” Caleb groaned, tossing the pillow back at Beau. “He hasn’t texted, right?”

Beau pulled out the phone to double check, but there were no new messages. “Sorry, bud.”

“If it makes you feel better, he was like, super distracted during class. We ended up getting out early because Professor Kryn needed to talk to him, and you know she only gets involved when things are super bad. Apparently they caught some Dwendlian kids on campus? Whatever,” she leaned back and yawned against Beau. “Professor Kryn is so beautiful, you guys. I don’t know where she gets all of her clothes but they are all so gorgeous and she is so hot. I know she’s like a thousand or whatever but that woman can still hit it, like, any time she wants to--”

“Dwendlian kids?” Caleb asked, his brow wrinkled in confusion. “Like Beau and I?”

“Some other group, I think. Essek called them Scouragers or something? I wasn’t really listening; I was daydreaming that I was a moth and I got to eat some like, delicious curtains. Hey, do you think that’s a metaphor for anything? Anyway--”

Beau wasn’t listening: instead, she was watching Caleb. A lifetime ago, Caleb had been a Scourager, and it hadn’t ended well for him. It was part of why he was at Xhoraus now. Beau expected to see a bit of panic on Caleb’s part, but he mostly just looked relieved.

“Good,” he said, interrupting Jester’s train of thought. “They followed up on the lead we brought them.”

Oh, right. The text message Jester found from the phone that had gotten left behind in the basement they cleaned out for Zorth. It had been written in Zemnian, so none of them could read it but Caleb, and he had insisted that they turn the phone in to Professor Kryn herself.

“We good, Caleb?”

“Better than before,” he breathed in deeply, then placed a hand on Jester’s knee. “Jester, would you like to paint my nails for me?”

“Sure! What color? I’ve got pink, and blue, oh, and Molly let me have this really cool purple color before he left, and red--”

“How about a rainbow?” He offered, studying his nails with quiet contemplation. “Like the flag.”

Jester gasped. “Caleb I love it,” she squealed, jumping off the bed to run to her dresser. “Oh my gosh, we have got to bring you to Pride this year, you will love it! Well, actually you might hate it because you hate crowds and stuff, but it’s super fun. Oh my gosh, I get to use this yellow nail polish! I never use yellow because Beau hates yellow but I gotta use it if I want to give accurate Pride nails. Which shade of red do you think?”

Beau wasn’t listening, because at that moment Caleb’s phone had vibrated. It was Essek. Sorry I didn’t text sooner or see you off this morning--it’s been a hell of an eventful morning so far. I’d love to tell you more over coffee if you are free later? ;)

Caleb hadn’t noticed she pulled his phone out; instead, his attention and his arm were being held captive by Jester, who had started painting his thumb a glittery red.

“Hey loverboy,” she teased, causing Caleb’s head to whip around towards her. “You better let Jester do well on your nails, because you’ve got a date later.” She waved his terrible old phone around the air.

The fact that Jester and Caleb let out an identical high pitched noise at the exact same time was going to be the highlight of her day. She could already tell.

#critical role #fanfiction #cr fanfiction #shadowgast #mostly friendship though #empire kids

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

Text

What star sign is the last person you text messaged? Aries

How did you feel when you woke up today? not well

Do you know what the person you're dating is doing at this moment? napping

Who was the last person to make you cry with laughter? my gf

Who was the last person you talked about sex/love with? either her or my father

Who introduced you to the person you're in a relationshop with? my high school classmate K.K.

How many brothers does your father have? two

When was the last time you did something which you knew was wrong? I don’t know what’s wrong and what not, ugh...

Do you still speak to your first crush? nope

If you could get your own house with one friend, who would you pick? dad but I’d prefer to live alone

Which is worse, too-tight clothes or much too-loose clothes? too tight are worse

What is something that you are willing to fight for? hmm...

If you jump, can you touch the ceiling of the room you’re in? noooo

Which do you think is worse: ear aches or tooth aches? tooth aches

How many different colors are you wearing right now? 3 (4 counting panties)

You can only listen to one band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? omg I can’t choose :o

Do you like big or small cars better? big

What store do you get the majority of your shoes from? *shrug*

What place, in your mind, is heaven on earth? How about hell on earth? there’s no such thing as heaven on Earth to me as I would bring myself there and ruin everything but almost whole planet is hell mostly because of people

Do you think there is anything scary about midnight? midnight is the time of ghosts but no longer minute before and/or after :P

Can you snap with both of your hands? yep

In your opinion what is the absolute worst house chore? laundry?

How young do you think is too young to get married? definitely under 20 but I think it’s best to get married 30+

Who do you think is the dumbest superhero? I can’t believe Green lantern is an actual superhero...

Would you rather be a hair stylist or a clothes designer? clothes designer

Would you rather be 3 inches taller or shorter than you are now? taller

Are there any foods that you think smell good, but taste bad? possibly

Would you ever stay overnight at any of your neighbors houses? why would I?

Do you think it would be cooler to play a hero or the villain in a movie? hero

If you had the last name of your favorite actor, what would your name be? I like many actors so...

how many syllables does your first name consist of?: 3

do you know someone who is allergic to chocolate?: used to know

have you worn a dress [casual, formal, etc] within the past week?: not within the past week

when was the last time you saw the last person you kissed?: days ago

is that person your significant other?: yup

last person you talked to on the phone and what was it about?: mom, I informed her she probably didn’t take out the matches from my pocket and now she’s washing my shorts with ‘em inside the machine and my instinct was right so she turned it off in the last moment, minutes or even seconds later water would soak the package and that could ruin the clothes, I wish she checked or asked while taking my stuff away

got any plans today?: been to laboratory, done shopping but am too tired to help my parents in carrying wood

were you born in an odd or even numbered year?: even

did you drive anywhere at all today?: took the bus

which of your parents did you see last?: both at once

describe your current shirt: black tee Nie każdy musi mnie lubić w końcu nie każdy ma dobry gust with Lil My

are you currently listening to music?: I’m very picky about songs today

do you fill out your own surveys or do you think it’s just weird?: I do

where did you buy the shoes you last wore?: Biedronka (Tom & Rose)

last disappointment?: health issues

do you still talk to the person you first kissed?: yeah

did you seriously believe that the opposite sex had cooties in elementary?: I didn’t think about that

did you take a nap today?: I barely ever take naps in general

name something random in your car: I don’t own a car

would/did you cheat on someone for revenge or if they wouldn’t find out? neither

would you rather be remembered for something bad or forgotten? forgotten

would you date someone twice your age for money? only if I really had to survive and there was no other way but not forever?

rate your self-confidence, 1 being insecure, and 10 being cocky. I’m insecure but not sure how much

are you content? I wish

would you knowingly be who someone cheats on someone else with? cheats with me on someone they pretend to love? hell no

would you sleep with a teacher to pass a class you were failing? ewww, yuk

have you ever contemplated physically hurting yourself or another? mhm

are you prejudice against any groups of people? I am

is there anything you chose to be ignorant about? (war, animal rights, etc) maybe

would you replace any family members if possible (& who)? oh well...

do you lie when asked how you’re doing? what for? to blame then for not noticing? to be an ass who’s lying?...

do you have any plans for tomorrow? meeting with M.

are you able to get a tan? not much

the next time you are on an airplane, where will you be traveling to? umm... no thx

are you satisfied with the picture on your id card? could be worse but also could be better

what are your chances of getting with your crush? I'm taken

what color is your car? no car!

is the song you’re currently listening to being sung by a male or female? two women

where did you get the shirt that you’re wearing? it was a gift

how tall is the last person you kissed? taller than me

is anybody in the room with you right now? not rn

how long have you been with your significant other, if you have one? 3 months

do you enjoy dried fruit? meh

How’s your day going? blergh

What does your umbrella look like? I borrow my parents’ umbrella, I hate umbrellas

Do you share a room with anyone? there are furniture with stuff inside that don’t belong to me

Do you have socks on? Describe them. grey

Are you one of those people who has like a hundred apps on their phone? I have spotify, choices, tumblr, tik tok, fb and messenger

Do you have good reflexes? I guess

Picture you think is cute.

Do you like blowing bubbles? sometimes

Are you better at posing good questions or coming up with outrageous dares? depends

Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? I cried after some celebs but that’s all

If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? I haven’t :(

Do you think, if it came down to it, that you’d be able to kill someone? I believe I might

Are you good at rating things? am not

Do you get into a lot of arguments? :x

Can you pass for older than you are? can’t even pass for my real age lmfao

Do you talk a lot? at times

Are you capable of finishing a game of Monopoly? it’s not that hard

Do you own any tie-dye clothing? I hate tie-dye

How much soda do you drink in a week? - Do you like being asked questions? love Are you nosy? slightly

How well can you pay attention to someone talking? depends What is the closest yellow thing to you? rosary Would you mind living on a farm? I’d try Are you a patient person? wouldn’t say so What annoys you the most about people? what doesn’t... Does your computer freeze a lot? my browser freezes right after turning on the computer and my internet dies often

Have you ever ate glue? wtf

When is the last time you took a picture? this day

If you could know one thing about the future, what would it be? when will I die for example

Do you like Ellen Degeneres? she’s awful

Are you comfortable dancing in public? whatever

Would you like to live to be 110 years old? I wanna die already

Do you like getting your picture taken? I’m ugly

Do you like being the X or the O when you play tic tac toe? X

What do you think is the most popular name for a girl? I checked:

Zofia Hanna Julia Zuzanna Alicja Maja Helena Maria Oliwia Pola

What about a boy?

Jan Franciszek Antoni Aleksander Stanisław Jakub Adam Leon Mikołaj Szymon

*do ya like any?

How many people are around you right now? my family’s in the kitchen eating so I’m alone

Do spicy foods give you heartburn or make you make you gassy? both and more

Is body hair attractive or unattractive to you? it’s normal/natural?

Do you prefer bare feet or socks? socks

Hard wood floor or carpet? hardwood

Would you ever want to work in a toy store? yasss

Do you like asking questions better or answering? answering

Do you follow your head or heart more? head

Would you rather give up your hand or your foot? foot

Have you ever tried crowd surfing? too risky and no fun

If you could have 16 wishes, tell me just one you wish: I don’t need 16, 3 are enough

Do you like the movie Bambi? If so, who is your favorite on there? I don’t remember Bambi

Would you rather be on the computer all day or watch TV? computer

Would you rather be a police man or a firefighter? police

Do you like jokes or riddles better? jokes

Do you like onion rings? disgusting

Do you like odd or even numbers better? even are easier to count

Last song you heard? Marroon 5 - Animals

Ocean or lake? lake

Do you know a lot of people with the middle name Marie? weird but no, Anna is more popular

Do you like loud or quiet people better? smth in between unless in public - quiet strangers are better

Taking pictures or getting your picture taken? taking

Do you like chocolate? meh

Favorite day of the year? New year’s eve?

Favorite holiday? same

Crayons or markers? markers

Snookie or Vinny? Snookie

have you ever been to an animal shelter? that would break my heart

are you tired right now?

who is the worst actor or actress in your opinion? there are plenty have you ever bought someone else lingerie? nope where are your parents right now? run around the house like crazy if you have a dog, does it bark a lot? luckily not, he howls rarely too have you ever seen a magic show? sure can you juggle? I tried to learn but failed

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halorocks1214 · 4 years ago

Note

hmmmm prime numbers for the video game asks?

Listen, are you secretly a math teacher? I might not be taking a math class my first year at college but come on, I’m taking a break for a reason

JKJK, thanks for asking~

1. First game you played obsessively? To make sure I answered the right questions I double checked my math with Google and turns out, one is not prime, so there’s that fun fact for the day that I always keep forgetting

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.

Pbpbppbpb, I mean, the stories from my favorite games definitely helped me get into Writing and such. I loved the idea of my characters going through the situations the characters in these games did, and slowly I learned to make my own stories instead of just... taking plots from video games and changing the characters to mine lmao

Though, my main OC going through all the Pokemon games’ plots as a singular person and interconnecting all the worlds and lore? Yeah, not getting rid of that any time soon. Pry it from my cold, dead heads. I dare ya

3. Who did you play with as a kid?

Lots and lots of online friends. I get real tired of people saying, “internet friends can’t be real friends!” because for the longest time the only people I could ever talk to were through a headset

Outside of that, I do have and had IRL friends who I played with a lot (I got a few buddies who I regularly get online with that I see in real life as well), and occasionally I play with my brother

The rest of my family and I (including my brother) also have game nights. Mostly Mario Party and other Nintendo/Mario games

5. Ever use cheat codes?

I did actually, a few times for one game. I was getting tired of dying so quickly in Don’t Starve so I looked up how to spawn certain items in the chat box with codes and stuff. I think I accidentally impulse ended that run by trying to take on that spherical-cyclops-ostrich monster because I was getting cocky and... yeah

7. Any games you have multiple copies of?

Nothing off the top of my head! With the new wave of being able to have digital libraries especially. Even as a small child I kinda saw it as a waste, so I never had more than one copy of anything

11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?

I don’t do that much online hunting anymore where I can voice chat, so nowadays, not really anymore, but back then, with all my Halo and other Xbox obsessions? All the time. My friends list is huge for a reason, and that’s because I never shut up lmao

13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has?

There’s probably a lot of them, tbh. I watch a lot of Youtubers to get my fix for certain games that I don’t have the time or energy to play myself

17. Ever lose a friend over a game?

Outside of “online friends I dropped because of getting older and more mature”, not really. I’ve lost friends, but never over video games

19. Favorite handheld console?

As cliche as it is, the Switch man, holy shit. The Switch is genuinely revolutionary to the world of video games, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live with out it

23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?

Hmm, if we were to go with “in general” the Pokemon franchise definitely. But if we want concrete numbers I can think of off the top of my head, Monster Hunter World is getting dangerously close to logging in 300+ hours, and following that (not very closely, mind you) would be something like Breath of the Wild or New Horizons

Listen, my friend begged me to get MHW to play with him and if there’s anything I’m grateful from him for, it would be his insistence that I get this game. It’s baller

29. What is your gaming set up?

This post is going to be twice as long because I saw the opportunity for pictures and I apologize for nothing

Computer is very basic. I don’t use my gigantic monitor for games though, because every monitor I’ve ever tried lags the hell out of my frames and I just can’t deal with that :/

Switch and Xbox! The two main consoles I play... pretty much the only ones. I had a PS3 briefly for Persona 5, but other than that, *jazz hands*

BUT THE BEST THING: I recently asked my dad to make me these controller-holding hooks for the headboard of my bed and they are the BEST THINGS EVER I love my dad

Bouns: the back of my Switch since I’m a sticker slut

31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches?

Any screen device is bound to give me headaches from time to time. Whether it’s from staring at the brightness for too long, or because my dumbass was laying/sitting in a position that was bad for my back/neck, I will probably never know

37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination?

Never touched it, and while I can’t give a personal opinion on how garbage it is or isn’t, I do like the jokes that come from it :D

41. A genre that you just can’t get into?

Uh, you know what? I can’t really come up with anything. A long time ago I might have said “long, story-heavy games that take forever to complete” since I mainly watched those on Youtube, but now that I’ve played games like Persona 5 and Breath of the Wild and absolutely adored them, I don’t think I have a leg to stand on

I think I’m willing to give anything a try, but if I play it and it gets boring, then it was probably mostly because I didn’t like the story or because I couldn’t get behind the controls :P

43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else?

Yes, all the damn time. Homework in high school that I need to work on? Latest chapter of that fic I’m supposed to be writing? Nah, gotta find all the fossils on my island before I forget to do it later, cause we all know what’s really important here

47. Do you like competitive games?

Man, my Overwatch phase consisted heavily of the competitive aspect of the game, even if the competitive side was toxic as crap. Halo online is and was the shit, always had fun with a variety of the games they came up with. SMASH, SMASH WITH MY TWO BUDDIES I MENTIONED BEFORE IS SO MUCH GODDAMN FUN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW-

So TLDR, I do like the competitive aspect of video games a whole lot, even if the competitive stuff I mainly do nowadays is just me and my friends fighting each other in Smash at midnight lmao

53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days?

It depends on the pricing and what comes with the DLC. Each DLC is it’s separate thing, and you can really only judge them based on each individual game and what they are worth. Was the game mainly complete when you bought it? Does the DLC have actual worthwhile additions to the game itself? ETC ETC

I could make an entire essay out of this, but I’m kinda tired, and the best way to sum up my feelings is “DLCs aren’t inherently good or bad, and it sucks that certain unnamed companies have given them a dirty reputation”

59. Do you play any cell phone games?

Again with the used to. Huge mobile game phase for awhile (Clash of Clans, PUBG rip-offs, etc) but not anymore. I do have mindless, ad-riddled games if I’m bored, but even those are collecting dust at this point

61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever?

Off the top of my head I cannot think of any time I have ever traded in a game, so I guess it looks like I keep them until they die or break lol

67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?

Man, I have a bunch. Video games were and still are a huge comfort thing for me, so to just share one would be blasphemy. Let’s just say, video games have always brought be joy and happiness during times when nothing else could :)

Ask the gamer more video game questions

#scribeofred #answered ask #long post #video games #monhun #pokemon #nintendo #smash #stickers #AND OTHER GAMES I MENTIONED BUT CANT TAG #SORRY I WOULD SEND AN ASK BACK BUT I GOTTA ZOOM TO WORK SO YEET #THANKS AGAIN ITS ALWAYS FUN SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX

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suicidalcatz · 5 years ago

Text

DOG DAYS ARE OVER : CHAP 11

Pairing : Jake Kiszka x reader

Genre : College AU

Previous parts : Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4 ; Chapter 5 ; Chapter 6 ; Chapter 7 ; Chapter 8 ; Chapter 9 ; Chapter 10

Masterlist : here

AN : It is wednesday, my dudes! This part and the next ones are like 90% fluff, 10% angst... like bittersweet. You’re still heartbroken but try to keep your friendship with Jake, while doing all of your homework... A lot to handle. Actually I had to cut the chapter in half because it was too long (9-10 pages). I really hope you’ll like this chapter because I liked writing it! Feel free to tell me what you thought of it, send me dms or questions, and thanks for reading me x

Chapitre 11 : Would you cook for me ?

Ignoring Jake's texts or avoiding him was useless. But hanging out with him was a challenge I wasn't ready to handle, never asked for, and yet was pushed into. Pretending I didn't see him when we crossed paths in the hallways, or that I didn't receive any of his texts was petty, there was no point in doing so. I couldn't avoid him without giving him any reason, and I couldn't tell him why I needed some time far away from him either because it meant revealing the truth and 1) I wasn't ready, 2) he'd be the one avoiding me like the black plague if I did. It brought me to the conclusion that I would simply pretend nothing happened at all. Jake hadn't noticed the whole situation anyway, so to him it'd already be like everything was normal, just like it always had been between us. It was the best I could think of. For him, for Josh, for anyone. For me ? Not so much. Of course I was still heartbroken, of course it'd take me some time to get over him, and staying by his side would be like rubbing salt on a wound while demanding for it to heal. But I wouldn't risk to break our group's dynamic for selfish reasons. So I sucked that in, everything. The sadness, and painful pang of my chest every time I saw his face, while repeating myself it was for the best.

That aside, I had some other things coming. For the worst. My useless self got so into self-pity and deprecation that I had totally forgotten about homework... And my drawing teacher would be less than pleased as we were all supposed to hand her five new portraits on Monday. Realization hit me during breakfast with Josh who had slept here, when I saw Mandy pack her things and idly noticing out loud that I wasn't carrying a lot of stuff for once. This. This was the cue. But it was too late now, I thought as I walked down the halls by their side. On our way to the amphitheater we saw Jake, waiting in front of the door for the teacher to come. Other students were here too, chatting and yawning with their backs against the walls or sitting on the floor. Josh looked at me like he wasn't sure if he should greet him but the brunette was the one spotting us, gesturing us to come join him. My eyes were probably still a bit puffy but with the makeup it could pass for lack of sleep. Of course he knew Josh stayed at our place last time, I had made sure the boy texted him, and the jerk had taken this opportunity to ask his brother to bring him all his school supplies, backpack included. Unbelievable.

- Your stuff, said Jake handing Josh his bag.

- Who's the big brother again ?, I jokingly asked with a raised eyebrow.

- He's 5 minutes older, replied Jake.

- You'll never live it down !

We all chatted quietly, and I never felt more conflicted in my entire life. My heart didn't know if it should beat faster or hurt like hell, so it seemed to do both, making me feel weird just by being next to Jake. My body was in total contradiction with itself. I couldn't hold back the smile that crept across my face, but at the same time wouldn't meet Jake in the eye, disguising it by cracking joke after joke while my stress level kept rising the more time passed. My thoughts were running wild. In a few hours the drawing teacher was going to yell at me in front of the whole workshop and I couldn't handle it. I'd surely burst into tears and feel even more ashamed. I'd probably-

- Hey, you alright ?

A soft touch caressed my back and I involuntarily jerked forward, out of its grasp, before realizing and suddenly feeling bashful at my reaction. I could tell Jake was surprised by it but it lasted only a second before his face showed concern.

- Yeah, I just didn't finish my work on time... That witch is gonna murder me and ask the others students to draw a perspective of my corpse I'm sure.

I heard his chuckles before the tutor cut him off, passing by us with the keys in hand to unlock the door, separating the sea of students in half like an artsy Moses. Jake was at the other side when the crowd engulfed through the small door, letting us no choice but to keep our bodies to the walls.

- Do you wanna sit together today ?, asked Jake above the loud stomping noises.

Because of the students between us I couldn't really see his face, but was glad because it meant he couldn't see mine whitening. Josh and Mandy on the other hand were just next to me and clearly witnessed my expression change. To think that a week before I would've been on cloud nine being able to sit next to him for two whole hours... Oh how things could change fast.

We were now the three last people left outside and Jake held the door for us, continuing speaking.

- You guys are always exchanging notes, we should just, ya know ? Sit next to each other and... quietly chat.

As backup to his words, he murmured the last part in a very exaggerated fashion, in a failed attempt to make me smile. I couldn't just say no to him without looking weird because I had no reason to. Even if I knew he wouldn't push the matter, there was no way he wouldn't question it, right ? Josh came to the rescue, playfully elbowing him.

- But then where's the fun in that ? Right girls ?

Both agreeing, we rushed to our usual seats, letting a dumbfounded Jake close the door behind him. In their habitual fashion, Mandy and Josh threw paper balls at each other, while I was for once too focused on the lecture to participate in their shenanigans. I needed to get my mind to focus on something and right now Gilgamesh sounded like a good deal, so I took as many notes as possible. A task proven even more difficult because in the corner of my eye, I could see Jake staring at me.

Saying my drawing teacher killed me was a little bit of an understatement. She scared the shit out of me with her scolding. To be fair, even in a normal mood she was a scary woman. The already quiet class went completely still and silent when she barked at me, admonishing me with charming names such as « useless », « disappointing » and the timeless « lamentable ». A classic. Truth to be told it hurt much less than I previously anticipated, mainly because I was already half dead inside, with the emotional range of a cactus, and my self-esteem nearly reaching zero. Nothing much to attack, really. Nevertheless, she demanded that I hand her all five portraits plus the five others we had to do this week by the next monday. Meaning I had ten to do in a week. It physically hurt just thinking about it, and I could hear a quiet « oof » escaping some of my classmates' mouths. It's with a huge relieved sigh that I found my bed this afternoon once school was over. This day had been a catastrophe so far, so there was no other thing I wanted to do more than put on my Pjs, put some music on, and slowly work at my desk, thinking Tuesay will be a better day.

Tuesday was not a better day. Wednesday either. All my homework slowly started piling up on my desk to the point where it was starting to be difficult to keep track of it. And sleeping four hours a night wasn't doing my mental health any good. I knew I had two possibilities now ; sleep less but do my work, or skip some classes to work. It was beginning to get ridiculous, skipping classes so I could do my homework. I knew art schools were difficult, awfully so, but like most people I hadn't realized until then, in this very moment, standing in front of my desk completely covered in paint, canvas, my computer, sketches, inks... some brushes had fallen on the floor, staining it in their passage. My laptop was so dirty it wasn't in its original color anymore. There were blotches of paint, ink, and charcoal here and there that I couldn't remove the harder I had tried to, forcing me to give up. At some point I got so tired I put my paintbrush into my cup of tea/coffee, mistaking it with the goblet of water.

- ...Are you alright ?, enquired Mandy on Thursday night.

One look at my face and she had her answer. Bless her soul, she didn't need any more to bring me an energy drink from the fridge.

- I still have five portraits to do. Four pencil ones, and one painting. They all have to be from different angles, and I can't find any models, I complained while throwing my hand in the air in an act of pure desperation.

Mandy knew better than to sit at the edge of my risky desk with her designer clothes, so she leaned on the doorframe, slowly nodding her head in a pensive manner while I kept explaining the situation.

- All week I couldn't find anyone because they all had homework to do, and now most of them are skipping tomorrow's lecture to go home early so nobody's available !

My rommate crossed her arms, thinking hard. I already did almost all my paintings, asking for both her and Josh's help. Both of them were glad to help and even more so to figure on a monochrome painting on a canvas.

- Can you draw the same person multiple times ?, she finally asked.

- Actually... I don't know. I don't think that would be a problem as long as the work is done ?

Hopping on her feet, Mandy lifted an eyebrow before dragging a chair to sit on.

- Let's get into it then, we only have one lecture tomorrow, you can skip it I'll take notes for you.

Having a good night of sleep never felt this good. No. Waking up at 8, slowly realizing everybody was sitting on a lecture except me, and then getting back to sleep was way better. I sketched poor Mandy two times last night but the results were good, and she looked pleased herself. I didn't have time to redo any of these anyway, I still had other work to do. Waking me from my well deserved nap, my phone vibrated under the pillow, the screen blinding me despite the sun peaking through the curtains.

« The boys asked where you were. Told them about the portraits situation. Jake wants to help. Couldn't stop him. »

If the beginning of the text made me smile, the end completely shook me awake, making me sit hurriedly on the bed, rereading the words multiple times. Scratching my face, I quickly glanced at the hour. They were out in a few minutes. My fingers tapped the next message as soon as they could, asking her how and when, while I ran to the showers with my towel, soap and toothbrush in hand. At this hour, and a Friday, they were all available. The other residents were all either drunk as hell and passed out in their room, or in their hometown with their family and friends. The buzzing of my phone vibrating reverberated against the shower walls and it almost got drowned in the sink when I caught it to look at the screen. It was Mandy.

« They kinda invited themselves over to eat. Josh's idea.»

What the hell Joshua we're not your moms ! Throwing my phone to the nearest flat surface, I jumped on some discarded overalls and put on a sweater, wet hair dripping everywhere on the floor, table, but mostly on my clothes, making me sneeze in the process. The whole week I was so overwhelmingly busy with work that not only did my fingers hurt but I didn't have any time to see the Kiszkas let alone think about them since our shared lecture on Monday. I even skipped the Lunch Club in order to get back to the dorms and work on my assignments. Which thankfully saved me a lot of time, but I still had 2 pencil drawings to do and one painting. Once I had put on some makeup, I took a moment to look around me. Our place looked like a dump, no less. Clothes and art furniture were everywhere, the trash was overflowing with empty cup noodles and fast food leftovers, it smelled like perfume and soap mixing with rotten food, paint and cold tobacco. It was terrible, and made me shocked that I even got used to that. A life achievement of some sort. Everything on the floor I put it on a trash bag, running in the stairs to throw everything outside with the others'. My phone vibrated in my pocket, a new notification popping on the screen.

« They bought some stuff at the store, they wanna cook us something. Jake's idea. »

Okay, time to clean the kitchen.

By the time they got here, I looked even more tired than before, owing my guests looks of concern. If was funny, how they put on the exact same face while seeing me. It was like I just mirrored a picture. Their similar features would never cease to amaze me.

- Mama you're very pale.

- Did you not sleep well ?

- I did, don't worry, I dismissed their concern. Had to clean up a bit.

Mandy bit his lip, knowing damn well the place had been a war field when she left. Unaware of anything, the boys put the bags of groceries on the table before apologizing for intruding. We all sat around the table to have a pleasant talk, my friends always making sure I wasn't next to Jake to avoid any brutal peak of awkwardness / sadness. But some habits died hard, I realized when Jake asked if he could have a tour of our dorm. Ignoring glances, I stood up and gestured for him to go first, into the biggest room, were Mandy and I's workshop and beds were. The boy let out a low whistle that flattered me. He looked impressed by everything around him, touching odd looking brushes and browsing illustration books. I knew better this time, and had put his painted portrait under my bed, wrapped in an old sheet. Just as his brother did, he liked to take in his hands everything that came by, caressing it with his fingertips or idly lifting the weight of it in his palms like he was discovering an unknown world. Unmoving, I let Jake do his little tour, watching the street view by the window, sitting on my disheleved bed, jumping slightly to make the mattress bounce like he was testing it before buying.

- So this is where you're gonna paint me, he said, pointing at a chair between my desk and me.

My pale face grew some colors at the thought of it before I nodded quickly, in a childlike way, caressing the wooden chair's back.

- I'll try to be fast so you won't get bored, I assured without looking him in the eye.

It was this moment Josh chose to appear at the corner of the doorframe.

- Jakey we should start cooking or the potatoes will never be ready on time. Come on, doll.

He took me by one of my overalls' straps, pulling me inside the kitchen, making me laugh and pushing my shoulders so I stayed on my seat. Mandy and I gazed at them with awe as they poured us drinks while Jake asked where the spatula was, and Josh was washing the vegetables, already familiar with his surroundings.

In silence, I looked at Jake removing every one of his rings to put it on top of the fridge where no one could kick them, before tying his hair in a tight ponytail. Maybe it was because I only ever saw him with long brown locks framing his face, but he looked even better than usual. If he caught me staring, he didn't adress it, only smiled at me, turning his back to us to help his brother.

- Do you need any help ?, I asked while showing them where the frypans were. You guys are our guests it doesn't seem fair...

Of course the kitchen wasn't a real one, there was only a microwave and some hotplates fixed to a cabinet by the sink. Putting more than one person behind the counter was impossible without bumping into each other, and I could smell the accident from afar when Josh maneuvered the hot water filled pan at the same time Jake opened up a cupboard right above his curly head. Curiously so, probably because they had way more cooking experience than I thought, the boys handled the situation neatly, and Jake was the one preventing me from bumping into his brother.

- Go sit and relax, we've got this, he said while turning me around by the shoulders.

Watching boys make lunch had got to be some sort of ASMR because just watching the muscles of their back move while they were chopping onions and peeling potatoes had some real therapeutic effects on me. We continued chatting together, all the while answering their questions on « Where are the knives ? » and « Where do you keep the salt ? ». Kind of surprised that Josh had the permission of holding a kitchen knife, by the way, this part made me feel the absolute opposite of ASMR but he did a pretty good job, from what I could see. Mandy put on some music on the speakers, argued with Jake over the sound of it as to what was acceptable or not music-wise, and Josh made a show of crying because of the onions, yelling about becoming blind until Jake gently slapped the back of his head. It was all laughs and good conversation, like we've been friends for years, and at the same time I couldn't shake these feelings I had towards Jake. There was something extremely erotic about seeing a dude wearing a dishcloth on his shoulder. Or was it just Jake wearing it really well ?

They refused to tell us what we were eating, muttering to themselves and sometimes asking if we were allergic to this or that, only announcing it while putting the plate on the table, with Josh making grand gestures as usual, using his best waiter voice.

- Crêpes au zucchini accompanied by a fresh salad decorated with feta and its apple slices, ladies.

- Bon appétit, added Jake.

The table was already set because it was the only thing we were allowed to do, so at least the boys could now rest. It looked really good. Way less fancy than what Josh had announced of course but it smelled wonderful, the sweet scent settling in all of our dorm. And the taste, oh Lord. Everything melted in my mouth, the onions they fried were just crispy enough to add something to it, and I learned this day that cheese and apple were really good and refreshing together. A new snack idea I'd keep for my sleepless work nights at the desk. And as dessert, the boys brought beers. Of course.

#gvf fic #gvf x reader #gvf imagine #gvf fanfic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka imagine #josh kiszka fic #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet #jake kiszka

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