#i only remember there was an amigo and whole lot of bullshit

[xunkun]

random thing but I keep seeing your blog in my fyp page so I wonder if the algorithm is trying to tell me something but it's like 2am in my time so I'll come by again probably— for now, you seem pretty rad!

— @enchantedmirage

sorry i recently purchased more haunting grounds from a demon

hope to see you around soon rahh rock and roll amigo ☆

[shirtlesssammy]

8x06: Southern Comfort

Then:

Garth

Now:

Kearney, Missouri

A husband --possibly in the dog house?- gets run over by his very angry wife, and the audience gets to see the defacement of set dressing I have no desire to see in the first place.

Our boys are STILL fighting about Sam’s year of psychosis and Dean’s year of pining and romantic (and sexual?) frustration. Dean tells Sam he’s ready to talk about Benny whenever. Sam’s so pissed about Benny, but, like, grr, I firmly hold to the fact that Ameila was a figment of Sam’s psychosis because she’s not even close in comparison to their respective distractions to the job. Benny meant more somehow. Sam “Let’s Give the Monsters a Chance” Winchester just wants Dean to kill Benny ---and I haven’t read enough meta to understand why. Dean’s answer, and the only one that matters: “He’s my friend, Sam.” 

I get that this entire scene sets up the episode, but I’m still grrr about it. 

Anyway, the boys head off to their case, and find Garth!

He’s posing as a Texas Ranger. 

Garth is working cases, and he’s the new Bobby. Dean, bby, it’s okay. They go and interview the son of the victim/assailant. He tells them that his parents had a good marriage, and they were high school sweethearts. It makes no sense. His mom is at the hospital -and remembers nothing of the event. 

Assessing the crime scene, Garth finds ectoplasm. It’s green --not black. And Garth tastes it. Dean is not amused. Garth also gets a call from the coroner. The dead guy had the word ‘Alcott’ carved into his chest. 

They interview the wife. She doesn’t remember much --just a LOT of anger. Garth asks about ‘Alcott’ and she talks about her husband going to a dance with Sara Alcott in high school. Sara Alcott’s still alive --so this is a weird ghost possession. 

They head for food. Once at the bar, Garth asks Dean where he was the past year (Sam being locked away in a cabin hallucinating and recovering from his satan delusions.)  He tells Garth that his was in the non-Miami Purgatory. “Man, that’s balls.” Oh, GARTH. 

Dean asks about the confederate bullshit on the walls, and Garth fills them in on the fact that Missouri was a border state. He then reveals the genesis of his current job. He went to college and dental school. His first job was ganking the tooth fairy. 

Scott, the victim’s son, is about to head into a general store when he gets a call from his wife. He sees someone that he’s clearly trying to avoid, and then takes a hit from his asthma inhaler. Grabbing some money, and getting some black goo to ooze out of his ear, he heads inside. 

He’s pouring himself a hot cup of coffee when the dude he clearly didn’t want to see before confronts him. Scott throws the cup of coffee in his face and proceeds to take a shovel to the dude. LIKE WOW. 

But watching a security mirror reveals that he’s really an angry confederate soldier. Of course. 

Later at the scene, Sam, Dean, and Garth learn that Scott didn’t remember anything, felt a whole lot of anger, and the word ‘Sussex’ is scrawled in blood on the cooler door. Also, Garth is wearing Bobby’s hat. 

Oof.

Dean is not amused. 

Sam heads off to interview Sara Alcott Brown. She tells him of her youth. Nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s clear the wife never forgot what happened. Sam flashes to a post-coiltal Sam and Amelia. Amelia confesses she once had a husband. He died in Afghanistan. 

She ran away from her life, and met Sam. 

The team realizes that the dead and the killers all had long held resentments with each other. Garth uncovers some lore from Bobby’s journal: they’re looking for a spectre or an “avenging ghost” that forces you to act on long-held resentments. They discover a nearby grave desecration - it’s the Confederate tomb of the unknown soldier. That night they break into the tomb to burn the bones. Dean delivers a fitting eulogy: “We won.” 

At the jail, the shovel-bashing son from earlier begs for his inhaler. When a deputy fishes it out of evidence, he suddenly goes vengeful and shoots his boss.

At the station, they speculate that the burn job didn’t take because there’s a haunted object being passed from person to person. Sam interviews another officer, who reveals that a deputy with murder in his eyes is on his way to the hospital. Dean pursues. 

Sam and Garth follow up on another lead, and Garth encourages Sam to talk about his feelings. LOL, good luck, buddy! Sam has….ANOTHER FLASHBACK. This time, Amelia tells Sam that she vomited out too many feelings the night before, and she’s gotta go. Sam puppy dog eyes her, but she leaves anyway. (Boris maintains that Amelia was a hallucination, but Natasha now believes that Amelia is the blurry wife in the cursed finale. This...somehow makes the finale worse, for her.)

Sam and Garth talk to a hot librarian about the history of the unknown soldier. Dean, meanwhile, confronts the ghost-mad deputy who’s confronting a nurse or doctor....over a past bad call as a recreational league UMPIRE. smh

Garth and Sam learn that the rumored resident of the unknown soldier’s tomb is one of two estranged brothers. One brother fought for the confederacy and the other for the union. (LOOKS DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA.) Sam notices a penny necklace in the portrait of the soldier. 

For Hot Librarian Science:

At the hospital, the ghost sniffs Dean and finds him delicious….ly full of anger and betrayal. He jams the penny into Dean’s hand. Sam calls Dean and lets him know about the penny. Too little, too late. Dean’s waiting for them at the motel room and immediately points a gun at Sam. “You shoulda looked for me when I was in Purgatory.” 

Flashback to three days ago which is...a bit jarring. Careless teens play with the items in the soldier’s tomb. One of them pockets the coin, which they use to pay for snacks at a store. Later, the woman from the cold open gets the coin back in change. We get the full chain of custody of the coin - I suppose to show us that it’s super duper hard to shake off that darn ghost. I recall 15x19 and grind my teeth.

Cut back to Dean, who is still ready for MURDER. Dean rattles off a list of grievances from the prior seasons. 

Sam tries to wrest the gun from Dean’s hands and gets knocked across the room for his trouble. Garth intervenes, using himself as a shield, and tries to de-escalate the situation. Sam fails to READ THE ROOM and brings up Benny again. Smh

When Dean lunges for Sam, Garth knocks him one right in the kisser and when Dean reels back the coin drops. Dean’s abruptly himself again.

Garth reaches for the coin to Sam and Dean’s concern. But as we all know, Garth is a PURE SOUL and is therefore immune to vengeful spectres. 

After Garth destroys the coin, he sternly tells Dean to “stop being an idjit” and get along with Sam! They hug, and Dean gives Garth Bobby’s hat back. HEARTS

Alas, the episode doesn’t end on a high note. Sam has one more flashback to his time with - DEEP SIGH - Amelia. Sam comes crawling back to Amelia and finally reveals his sob story about losing his brother. She lets him into her room and they reconcile.

Flash forward in time again. Sam tells Dean Amelia’s full name as though he’s actually dropping her life story. He continues to harangue Dean about keeping Benny a secret. He threatens to kill Benny the next time he sees him and on that positive note, the episode ends. 

Natasha’s takeaway: There are WAY too many confederate flags in this episode with WAY too little judgment about them

I’ll QUOTE Benny the Next Time I See Him!

“Like Purgatory purgatory?” “No. The one in Miami.”

You ganked the tooth fairy? 

You can’t change the past, amigo

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[jitter-bug]

Just Like Me

Taglist: @artemisfowl11

Nines x Reader (Detroit: Become Human)

A/n: Did I hear costumes with a plot twist? And 10x scary???👀 so that the request wouldn't be too short ???🔫👀 I certainly fuckin' did. This one is too long. Sorry for rush. I love you :') plz enjoy(plz) I have so many request. And I am getting around to all of them. So don't worry for anyone that's waiting for your request, they will get done I promise! (Plz don't hurt me--)❤ enjoy- p.s I also had a hard time choosing the costume. I wanted something race neutral because as a person of color myself. There's not many couple costumes out there, that...you know. So 😌 uh. I had to run off a limb here for all my POC readers. (Gang gang 😩) (give me feedback if you any more of this, I know some people messaged me about continuing Fear. I don't do series. But I'll do em' we lit over here😩😪💅) p.s.s I edited it to gender neutral, so sorry for any errors-- (donthurtme)

-

"What do you mean, no?" The defeated tone of the detective echoed through the bullpen. Arms crossed as they stared at Hank. He was sitting at his desk. A hand placed on the desk as he stared at the terminal. In a way so he wouldn't have to stare at the perplexed expression of Y/n. 

"Kid. I'm too damn old to be dressing up in costumes." Was his reply. 

Y/n had woken up that very morning. An idea engraved in their brain like their body threatened them to remember it and not let the wonderful idea go. 

The DPD was throwing a Halloween party. Which was really a celebration for Chris, he was finally promoted to being an official Detective, and for his celebration. There would be a themed party. Considering the fact that Halloween was creeping in around the corner. Y/n soon thought that they wanted to wear a costume, with someone that is. They thought sharing laughs or even going to the party dressed as characters would be fun and yet entertaining. Their first thought was Hank. But, he undoubtedly shot the idea down. And declined. Hank saw the unamused expression on their face when he tore his gaze from the terminal. Their fist was planted on his desk. As their hand was on their hip. Their eyebrows furrowed. Giving him a look that he was used to seeing when they helped him speak with suspects in the interrogation room. Though, their expression was not as hard and more so serious.

Connor, who was sitting at his desk. Across from Hank. Stared between the two. His LED teetering back and forth from yellow to stark red. 

"Go ask Gavin." Hank brought up the name that seemed alien to him as he scoffed slightly at his name. Y/n quickly lost their expression before shaking her head. They couldn't say Y/n and Gavin were enemies. But they haven't interacted with each other to a point where Y/n would see themself asking him to join them on their dress up crusade. 

"No." They replied. Hank has been staring at the ceiling. Arms crossed. Once hearing Y/n once again. He landed his gaze back onto them. His index finger tapping his arm. 

"Go ask your partner."

-

Nines stared at Y/n. The two staring right through each other, but Y/n could feel themself crumble under his steel gaze. His eyebrows furrowed slightly. In an attempt to see through Y/n. 

Nines originally was Gavin Reed's partner. Until Chris was recently promoted to a Detective and made to be Gavin's partner. Which pulled Y/n from Hank and Connor, into being Nine's newest partner. 

Before then. They hadn't really interacted with him. Occasional greetings and ludicrous jokes between Y/n and Gavin. In which the rk900 ignored, he never cared to learn much about Y/n- or anyone at the station at that. He was reserved, observant, stern and very stoic. He...lacked certain things other deviant androids had. 

Emotions. 

People around the prescient knew about him. But never spoke to him, reasons being his lack of expressing himself gave people the assumption that Nines was genuinely just a rude android. Which...Y/n could see why. He didn't tolerate childish behavior, at all. Rarely participated in any outings the station threw, such as celebrations if someone was promoted. Birthday parties. Or just a genuine outing to celebrate and catch up with one another. Nines was always at the station, he - In a way deemed to separate himself from others. His eyebrows were always furrowed. In a way to resemble a scowl of some sort...which he always did. 

Of course, Y/n could somewhat tolerate him, once they were paired together, Nines was non-stop pestering Y/n with things they needed to get done, things that weren't done right. He always pointed out the imperfections and mistakes rather than the good. Y/n couldn't say they were exactly friends with the rk900. He made it hard for it to be anything other than being partners. But, today was the day, Y/n decided it would be best to try and find a way through his cold exterior. 

Nines didn't say anything. Y/n held her hands behind her back. The slightest smile trying to make its way onto their face. "So...I was thinking." 

They started. They didn't feel nervous. But rather awkward from the sudden request. Nines didn't say anything. Instead keep his arms behind his back as Y/n slowly sat down on the desk. Planting their hands on their knees. "I was thinking, maybe me and you should go to Chris's celebration together tomorrow night, you know. As partners? Amigos? Buddies?" Y/n reached up. Placing a half-heartedly punch on Nine's shoulder. 

"And. You know. Dress up? Costumes? I'd think you'd enjoy it. You know, you've been really working your heart out for these past few weeks Nines, and I think maybe you would like a break. You know, wind down." They explained. In their head. The explanation was fool-proof. Nines had been working a lot. In fact. The whole station was. With the new cases of Red Ice popping up around Detroit. Everyone had constantly been on their toes. 

"I'm incapable of getting tired, Detective." Nines replied. He turned to fully face Y/n. His arms that were once behind his back, now by his side. 

Y/n felt themself run into a dead end. 

"I know that Nine's I'm not stupid." She muttered. Instead of replying. He only stared at her. Blinking once, that was so it took. Y/n could tell what he was thinking. They sneered.

"That's not funny, I'm serious."

"My apologies. I was unaware I was making a joke--"

"Anyway!" Snapping their fingers to get back on track. Y/n sighed. Rubbing their temple before looking back at Nine's form.

"If. You go to the party with me, and agree to wear a costume with me. I promise I'll stop fooling around on the field." They tried to compromise watching as Nine's was already turning away from her to walk over to his desk. 

"I'll even stop making those lame ass jokes for an entire week. I can't say for..forever, But I mean a week has to be at least decent." They spoke up. Raising their voice so he could listen. 

"A month." Nines said. His back turned from them. But Y/n could see him grabbing stacks of papers and placing them in their designated manilla folders. Y/n stared at his back. Eyebrows furrowed as they tried to piece together what he meant, the rk900 seemed to be aware of how perplexed she was. 

"You'll focus on the assigned case you have, without constantly getting distracted, for a month. If you can agree to that. Then you've found yourself someone to go to the party with."

He explained. Y/n jumped slightly, the excitement shot through them like electricity, sparking them to life. This was new! Certainly new!

"Wait, are you serious? Oh my god!" They squealed. Kicking their feet so hard Y/n was afraid their shoe would fly off, flying across the room. As funny as the scenario might sound, Y/n was too distracted with the offer to worry about anything else. 

"1 month?" They asks. 

"1 month." He repeats. 

"I mean...what about 2 weeks?" They bargained. A month, where they couldn't bullshit around at work. It felt like a sin to Y/n.

"1 month."

"But...Nines that's too long." They tried to whine. But Nines turned around. Holding the folders in his hands. 

"1 month." He repeats.

"2 weeks?"

"1 month."

"....3 weeks?"

"1 month."

"No! Come on. 2 weeks. Take it or leave it!" Y/n shoots their hands in the air. Drastically expressing their distress. But Nines didn't seem to show an ounce of sorrow or care for the matter.

"Do I hear 2 months?"

"Okay, no! 1 month!" 

With what Y/n assumed would be the end of the discussion to Nines. He nods. 

"Okay then. Now. What is it that you have planned?"

-

"Okay. So. I think maybe we should do something scary. 2 years ago. Me and Hank dressed up as clowns, and scared the hell out of Gavin. It was hilarious." Y/n absently spoke. They searched through their phone for ideas that may spark interest in them. Deciding on creating something new and from scratch. 

Nines was busy placing items in Y/n's bag so the two could leave the station and do whatever it was Y/n had in store.

Nines zipped up the bookbag before turning away from the desk to face. Only to find them already examining his form. 

The yellow soon took the place of the blue on his LED. His eyebrows furrowed. 

"What?" He asks. Y/n hummed. 

"I was thinking of what would suit you." They replied. As they spoke Nines handed Y/n their bookbag, which they thanked him before slipping it on over their shoulders. 

"We can head to my house and see ideas from there." Y/n started. Adjusting the straps onto their shoulders as they took several steps forward towards the exit. They didn't have much time from now till tomorrow night, the gears in Y/n's head were turning. What should they do? What should they dress as for their costumes? And most importantly. Make sure Nines had a good night out for his first ever outing. 

Y/n placed the phone back in theirpocket. Before reaching over to unlock the door. They felt Nines walk behind them, swatting and flicking their hand away from the latch to open the door. 

"I'm driving. You get to the passenger side and think about what your plan will be." Nines spoke. Y/n flinched their hand away from the latch. 

"Ow, okay, okay--" they made their way around the car to the passenger side. Y/n was positive the only real reason he wanted Y/n to sit out on driving was because last time they were behind the wheel, a favorite song of theirs that they vaguely remembered from some time ago came on the radio station when they were patrolling the downtown area of Detroit. 

All Y/n could say was how Nines was extremely pissed with their screeching out lyrics that he wasn't paying attention to. More of Y/n's abrupt screaming. Which is why he didn't want them touching the wheel while he was in the car with them.

Slipping inside the car. Y/n closed the door. Hearing from their opposite side that Nines was in the car as well. 

"Keys." He spoke up. Y/n automatically reached in their dress pants pockets in search of the keys. Once feeling the cool metal against their digits. They handed them to Nines. Where as he started the car. 

Y/n slide off their bookbag. And turned to toss it in the back of the car. Where a paper bag was seen lazily balled up on the floor. Seeing the Red Ice cases increased exponentially, there were many stakeouts that Y/n and Nines were assigned to. Sitting out in the car for long periods of time did spike up an appetite in Y/n's stomach every once in a while. Of course, Nines scolded them for not eating before arriving on the scene, but that didn't stop them from getting food. 

Once situated and Nines driving down the street. Y/n slipped their phone back out. 

"So. How do you feel being a butcher?" They asks. Nines stared at the road. Silent for a moment as he contemplated what Y/n said. 

"A butcher..? Odd, how would that in any way be a good costume?" He asks. Y/n placed their phone their lap. 

"Bloody butcher. You know. Kill people? Chop chop? Blood. Chains and all that jazz." They replied. Flipping through the many photos of cheap costumes that would wear out in later than a few months if they were to purchase one.

"I can't make a firm decision on what to wear. You do that." He spoke up. Y/n hummed in acknowledgment. As much as they wanted Nines to choose for himself. He often had a hard time doing so. Of course he did things his own way, but only for a purpose of doing his job. Completing his mission. 

"Well then. Butcher it is," they replied. 

Once making it into the warm house that groped around Y/n with its comforting warmth. Y/n dropped their bookbag on the ground by the couch. Plopping down onto the cushion. And letting out a long needed sigh. They heard Nines close and lock the front door. 

The tension in Y/n's muscles slowly eased its way into relaxation. This wasn't the first time Nines had seen Y/n's place. Only resorting to be at their doorstep to wake them up at ungodly hours for emergency crime scenes that so happened to pop up out of nowhere. Or to drive them home when they are tired to do it half the time themself.

The TV was still on playing from earlier in the morning when Y/n left. On the same channel and same soft spoken volume. 

"Alright. Come on. Sit." They finally mustered up the energy to speak. Nines - who was standing next to the couch, took a seat next to Y/n as they opened their phone once more. 

"So. I was thinking on the way here. A bloody butcher. Both you and I. I think that would be fun." They proclaimed it was some extremely good news. But to Nines, it was more of good news to Y/n, but he didn't say anything. His pale optics pierced Y/n's face. His eyebrows raised slightly. Y/n gave him a smile, one of reassurance. "Oh come on, don't worry. You'll love it. I saw you have a knack for violent things." They chuckled. Moving over to their coffee table to pick up the laptop that was sitting on it. Nines LED flickered a stark red. 

"I'm assuming you would think I'm a violent person because of how I handle things on the field?" It didn't sound like much of a question.

 "Well duh. You do tend to man-handle the hell out of the suspects." Y/n replied. Nines didn't say anything else. Instead, watch as Y/n typed into the computer. After a while. They sat back on the couch and glanced at Nines. 

"This should work out. Not to mention be a good sight for my budget." They said. Y/n turned the laptop around and showed a photo of the costume, which was just general ideas of what items they planned on looking for. 

Nines stared at the screen. His LED circling around. Once. Twice. Before turning yellow. 

"Are you purchasing these from a store?" He asks. Y/n nods. Nines nods as well. 

"Yeah. Tomorrow after work we both are going to go gather the materials to put together the costume. Oh, this should be fun! Believe it or not. Gavin is such a scary cat. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to scare the hell out of him!" They gave a laugh before setting the laptop on the table. 

"But, really Nines. Thanks for agreeing to do this with me. I promise. That when this is all over. I'll not goof around for 1 entire month." They said. Y/n lifted their hand, poking out their pinkie finger. Nines stared at their hand before looking at them.He lifted his hand before pushing Y/n's hand away with his back hand.

"I'll take your word on it, Detective." He says. 

"Oh come on. Don't be like that. Smile for once. My gosh." Y/n lets out a chuckle. Lifting one hand to pull at his cheek. Her thumb tugging at the corner of his right lip in an attempt to tug it upwards. Nines - once again, swatted their hand away from his face. A scowl interrupting his blank expression.

"Stop."

"Whatever, tomorrow. It'll be great, you'll have fun, I promise."

-

Nines watched as Y/n stated at the rack of clothes. Having trouble deciding what Nines would best fit his costume. They decided to purchase his first. The two left the station an hour ago, to get ready for the party that was only 4 hours away. And time was ticking rather quickly with Y/n staring at the rack of clothes as if they had a hard time finding what to wear. 

Nines felt his hand lift up. Rubbing at his temple. His elbow resting on his other arm which was across his torso. 

"Y/n..."

Y/n let out a hum, signalling they heard what he said but kept their gaze on the rack.

"I think this would go by much quicker, if I were to pick out the clothes, and when you get home. You can put them together." He spoke. Y/n turned to face Nines. He saw them cross their arms. 

"Are you calling me slow?" They asks. But, he could tell Y/n wasn't offended by their ack of anger that he so happened to be acquainted with. 

"More, indecisive." He corrected. He saw their eyebrows furrow. But they quickly rose up as they understood what he meant. 

"I'm not having a hard time picking...just--look, this is supposed to be a me and you thing. Partner to partner, friend to friend. You know. So we can spend more time together instead of always yelling at each other like at work."

It was true. Nines and Y/n rarely got a long at work, Nines being a reason for the constant start of an argument between him and Y/n. That being either working on a case. At the station. Or even at a stake out. He always seemed to feed the flame just to spark Y/n's anger into nothing more than a hungry flame ready to lash out at anyone. But that was because Nines wanted things done the way he wanted them done. And Y/n rarely gave him what he wanted...and that was being serious on the job. But the explanation did make sense. More time spent outside to get to know more about each other...or rather spend more time with each other, could lower their rate or going after each other's throats. 

"So, you know. Come on. Let's Both pick our stuff out together." A hint of hope was evident in Y/n's voice. Nines nods, taking several steps forward, to analyse the rack. 

"I think you can do something with this."

-

"Ow! Stop! Stop!" Y/n hissed in pain, feeling Nines peel off the face mask from their face. They tried lifting their hand up to push his hand away. But he was one step ahead. Smacking their hand away for the upteempth time that week. The two finished picking out the clothing and items for their costume, only had 2 hours left to get dressed and ready, a lady that was an entrepreneur and had a clothing line. Gracefully gave Y/n and Nines a discount on what they needed for their costumes. Finding the generous offer kind, Y/n paid more than needed for the clothes, and spent almost half an hour speaking to the woman. Which knocked off much more time than needed. And Nines didn't want any delays in getting dressed - so almost immediately once the two reached Y/n's house. He started laying out stuff so the two could get ready. 

The first step being to peel off the face mask for Y/n so once they put the make up on their face for the costume it wouldn't be mixed with any bacteria and dirt. Which also was a pain in Y/n's ass to feel the mask pulling at their skin. And how Nines didn't seem to care much, instead. Resulting in him snatching off the mask piece by piece.

"You asshole! You're doing that on purpose!" Y/n barked. They reached up to punch Nines in his chest. But was interrupted by him snagging at the mask on their face once again. Placing the pieces in a trash can he took from the kitchen. 

"It shouldn't hurt that bad, stop whining. Or else this will take much longer than needed." He finally spoke up. Y/n sneered slightly as they felt him tilt their head so he could get the rest of the god-forbidden mask that seemed to be glued to their skin. 

After finally getting the pieces peeled off and placed in the trash. Nines stood up to take the trash back to its original spot in the kitchen. Y/n rubbed at their face. The skin feeling somewhat smoother, her pores finally able to get air comfortably. 

"Okay. Happy? The horrible dreadful part, as you quoted, is out of the way." Nines said. As he spoke Y/n mumbled a 'fucking finally' - and stood up. 

"Okay, we have plenty of time, Oh my god, this is going to be fun. Okay!" Almost immediately, Nines saw the excited expression overtake their expression again. Watching as they grabbed one of the bags and tossed it over to Nines. 

"Get dressed. I'll come back in here when I'm done."

Y/n was surprised with how their costume came out. The idea in their mind wasn't as exciting as they once was thinking. But seeing the white knee length apron. Black dress shirt, the tattered jeans that were tucked into the dark rain boots showed that the costume was supposed to resemble some sort of butcher. A few things are missing here and there. But was still proud of how it came out. 

Deciding on going back in the living room to get the last back on the coffee table they remembered leaving on the table. Which contained the makeup and fake blood for the costumes...which of course was supposed to be added last. 

Walking down the hall and into the living room. Which was empty, in which Y/n didn't seem to take surprise. Thinking Nines went off somewhere in the house(such as the bathroom) , go get dressed. They didn't bother calling out for him. Instead, picking up the bag on the table to look through it. Seeing the many items in the bag, having a hard time choosing what to use first, they stared at the back in contemplation. Unaware of the sauntering figure that was creeping up behind them.

Deciding on finding it to be best, wait for Nines to come back and help with choosing what happens next. They places the bag on the table once again. They turned around to go and look for Nines. Only to quickly pause in their movement upon seeing the figure behind them Y/n jumped slightly. Their calves hit the coffee table. 

It was Nines, dressed in the costume, the black apron tied to his waist tightly, instead of a dress shirt that Y/n sported, Nines had on a black turtleneck, which really fit with the costume. Y/n could see the chains wrapped around his wrist, the sound of the metal clanking against each other. 

They saw the pig mask, the one Y/n picked out because Y/n found it oddly suiting Nines. The boar's head seemed pretty realistic, the blemishes and red markings on the facial area wavered Y/n's sense of security. They could barely see his eyes through the mask...where the eyes are of course.

"Jeez. You scared me there for a second." Y/n mumbled. 

But, Nines didn't say anything. The feeling of his form towering over Y/n, made them realize how some suspects the two brought in everyday had to face his wrath in an interrogation...or just a simple ass kicking. From what Y/n remembers. Nines never lost in a single fight. 

"Is this your way in trying to scare me? If so. It's not working." They let out a chuckle, which was half-heartedly. Nines - instead of replying. Let out a grunt. Which Y/n could deem animalistic. Y/n flinched. Shooting him a glare in a way to get him to knock off whatever he was pulling. 

"The hell? Did you growl at me?" They spat. Instead of - once again. Not replying. Nines turned around to walk off down the hall where the bathroom was located. 

"Where are you going?" They asks. There was no reply. Only the sound of the chains clanking against each other and the squeaking of the rainboots answered them question. 

"..." Y/n felt their eyebrow twitch. Almost a second letter. Nines came back out the hall. Looking the same, except holding the boars mask in his hand, which he didn't seem to have any interest in wearing. 

"Dude, what the hell?" 

Nines looked at Y/n. His LED flickering to yellow almost instantly. He raised an eyebrow; "is there a problem?" He asks. Y/n scrunched their nose up and nodded. 

"Uh, yeah. You were just out here - not even a minute ago. You just walked off. Not to mention, growled at me." They answered. Y/n saw the LED on Nines temple slowly circled to the stark red, his eyebrows furrowed. 

"I was in the bathroom all this time." He said. Y/n only gave him a blank expression. Which only remsebled an expression that they didn't believe what he said. 

"I was--"

"Anyway. Come on. Let's put this last bit of stuff on so we can leave."

-

"You're getting blood everywhere." Nines informed. Watching as Y/n drove down the ride they tried sitting themselves in the seat comfortably so the fake blood on the apron wouldn't smear on the car seat. It would be a pain to get it out. 

"I know that, Nines. Shut up, pighead. Besides, it's not even real." They muttered. Nines lifted the corner of his lip in a way to sneer. 

"Hilarious. I almost forgot to laugh at that one."

"You forget to laugh everyday." They quickly shot back. Nines only rubbed his temple with a sigh. "You truly are a mess." He sighs. Y/n laughed, keeping their eyes on the road. 

"You're damn right, a hot mess. Trust me. Tonight will be fun! Don't worry, really!" Nines didn't reply. Instead watched the road and the many buildings that passed by. His gray optics flickered over to Y/n. Spending an entire day with his partner did have its ups and downs. But it wasn't as life-threatening as he thought it would be. 

"So. Are you enjoying yourself so far? You know. Being costume twins and all. I think it's fun." Y/n asked. Nines tapped his index finger in his knee. 

"Rather childish. But if it can get you to stop quiping me about dressing up with you. I guess this won't be too bad." He responds. Hearing Y/n tap the wheel with their fingers. 

"Thanks for doing this with me, really. Maybe tonight you and I can go and get something to eat."

"I don't eat."

"....I mean. You could at least act like you do. Like jeez, what the hell." They muttered. Once again, complaining. Mumbling about. "Just stuff the food in your mouth and spit it out. Make it seem like you can or something--"

"Alright--okay. I'll take you out to dinner tonight. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Nines finally spoke up. Interrupting her from her charades of complaining. Almost quickly, a smile replaced their frown. 

"Yes, sir. That's exactly what I want to hear. You. Nines. My partner. Taking me to get dinner." They quipped. Nines glanced at them. Shaking his head slowly. 

"Holy shit!" Gavin stared at the two. Watching as Nines was busy behind Y/n speaking to Hank from behind the boar's mask. A smile graced Hank's lips. His hands on his hips. He didn't dress as anything like the majority of the people did. Instead...well...showing up in his casual clothes. 

"Wow. Next year. Me and you and dressing up together." Gavin nudged Y/n's shoulder. Causing them to chuckle. 

"I mean. I was going around the office asking people. And they either were dressing up as something already, or were dressing up as something already. Same thing. I know." They grinned, already knowing what Gavin was about to say. 

"You didn't ask me you little shit!"

"Oops?"

Gavin rolled his eyes. Swatting his hands in a way to shoo the conversation away. "Nines look terrifying as hell." He looked over at their partner who was still speaking with Hank. Y/n nods. 

"I'm not surprised. You're scared of everything." She said. Gavin shot her a look. 

"Hey, plastic-prick. Over here!" Gavin snaps his fingers. Y/n saw Nines look away from Hank. And over to Gavin. Hank looked over as well. Nines walked over to the two. Once in earshot he turned his head away from Y/n to look at Gavin. 

"Yes?" He asks. Gavin flicked the boar's snout.

"Sup." 

"I don't know what I expected wasting my time walking over here." Nines muttered. Gavin laughs. Almost immediately, Nines jumped towards Gavin. Which also startled Y/n. The two shrieked at the sudden action from Nines. Hearing Hank laugh in the background was what pulled Gavin from his pose. Which he moved to grip Y/n's shoulder. In a pose like he was hiding behind them.

"You Jackass!" Gavin shouts. Hank howled with laughter. Walking over to give Nines a pat on the back. 

"Good one!" 

Y/n felt their heartbeat in their chest like drums. They couldn't find an exact reason why they got jumpy. Letting out a sigh as they placed a hand on their chest. Hearing Gavin bicker in the background along the lines of "I'll fucking end you!"

Meanwhile, Y/n stared across the street. Which had a good view of an alleyway. Seeing two figures facing each other. Once being noticeably shorter than the other.  The short figure...which the two really resemble the silhouette from the lack of light in the area (considering the sun had set) the short figure seemed to be pointing its finger at the taller figure's chest. From the body movements the person seemed to be angry. As on the other hand the taller figure - standing still and stiff as a plank just stood there. 

Y/n watched for a few more moments. Whatever commotion they were hearing on their side of the street was muffled to them.

Soon, the short figure head turned towards the direction Y/n was in - across the street. Which the taller figure took notice of. The two stared at them. The tall figure seemed to tap its leg. Causing the short figure the scurry off somewhere in the shadows of the alleyway. 

Raising a hand. The tall figure that was left in the alleyway waved. Y/n furrowed their eyebrows. 

Who the hell was that?

"Y/n! Come on, get your ass in here before you freeze!" Y/n heard Hank shout from the door. Y/n quickly snapped from their clouded reality. Looking at Hank who was holding the door open. Shoot a gaze back at the alley, only to see nothing. 

-

"And I said. Give me my shit. Or I'll put a foot up your ass." Gavin said. The booth that was placed in the back of the room, either chuckled, laughed or said commented on his story. Which was Chris. 

"Honestly. I wouldn't be too surprised if she got a restraining order on your crazy ass." Chris chuckled. Gavin only shot him a large grin. Chris's wife smiled at the two. Shaking their head. The majority of the party dressed up. Either it being werewolves, vampires, zombies. It was something...despite the fact that one of the officers came with a macaroni box. 

The booth sat, Connor, Hank, Nines, Y/n, Gavin, Chris and his wife. Drinks were passed, and also laughs. (Will except from Nines of course)

The night was smooth. And not to mention fun. 

Y/n, still kept tethering back and forth from the odd altercation at home with Nines. And from what they saw in the alleyway. 

Nines sat next to them. Listening to Gavin speak. On and on. 

"So. Are you two still together or not?" Chris asked. Gavin's and his significant other had...somewhat of a toxic relationship. Constant fighting, either it be verbal or...from what Gavin didn't want to admit. But it was obvious. Physical. From both parties. But, Y/n never really intervened. It wasn't their business. So they didn't care much about it. Though the stories were funny. 

Digging into their pockets in search of their phone. They didn't feel it. Taking note they must have left it outside in the car. 

"I'll be right back. I have to go get my phone."

-

Sitting in the driver's seat. Y/n checked to see if the device was at a proper percentage. She closed the car door and sighed. Scrolling through it sees nothing new. They turned around to face the building to return. They stopped and looked up. Seeing a figure by the light pole in front of them The figure had the same costume as Y/n. The apron. The boots. Pants. Looking up they saw...the same face. It was Y/n!

The dark circles under the eyes were much noticeable. The blue surgical mask covered the lower half of the person's face. But Y/n wasn't stupid. They saw themself many times in the mirror to tell who it was. And every strand of hair on the person's head. Could tell that certainly was Y/n. 

The e/c eyes stared at Y/n's form. Boring into their face. A feeling they similarly got only from Nines.  But the gaze coming from..them, made Y/n freeze.

Staring at the person. It was like an exact replica, a doppelganger. 

Y/n could hear the sounds coming from the person. A muffled purr of some sort, scuffling shoes. It couldn't seem to stand still.

"...who are you--" Y/n was cut off by the doppelganger launching itself towards them - gripping the side of their face. It's nails digging into their skin. Y/n let out a surprised scream. Hearing the strained grumbles and grows coming from the thing on top of them.

Y/n felt themself land on the ground. The concrete knocking the wind from their body. Y/n was more surprised than scared. Of course they had many hand to hand combat on the field. But this didn't feel right at all.

Acting quick and raising an arm to shove off the doppelganger. Switching sides as they were now on top of the person, straddling it by the hips, Y/n felt it shift and swing an arm. Y/n quickly backed off of the person in an attempt to not get hit. It had a knife. Making it clear that it was meaning to harm Y/n. Y/n quickly backpedaled and stood up.  The sound of their huffing and puffing. And both of their shoes scuffling on the pavement. The person stood up. Shaking itself as if to remove the dirt that collected on its shirt from the pavement.

"Y/n. What's ta-"

"Okay, so Nines! There's some weird shit going on!" Y/n jogged over to the door that Nines held open. He was now staring at Y/n's doppelganger who quickly had stood up staring at the two. Once it made eye contact with Nines. It seemed to stop in its former actions and stare, before scurrying away down the sidewalk. 

"Who was that? What's going on?" He asks. Y/n shoved Nines into the building as he spoke. 

"I don't know! But we have to do something!" She shouts. The LED on Nines temple was flickering from red to yellow. Y/n was already making their way towards the booth. 

"Hank. You would not believe this. But I just got attacked by my own self. We need to find out what's going on." Y/n interrupted whatever conversation he was having with the group at the table. Connor was the first to look over. 

"Yourself?"

"Yes! Now come on. This is serious." Hank could tell whether or not Y/n was joking or not. Which...truly wasn't that hard to tell if they were. He stood up from the booth, luckily he was seated on the outside. 

"What's going on?" 

Nines soon made his way over to the table. 

"I was attacked by someone who looked exactly like me. Which, that can explain what happened earlier today. But! I have a crazy ass doppelganger!"

"Oh Christ." Hank muttered. Crossing his arms and looking at Y/n and then at Nines. And back at Y/n.

Gavin soon stood up.

"Oh, I have to see this." He spoke up. Hank ignored the man and looked back at Y/n. "Where did you last see this person."

"When I was outside. It attacked me--"

"The hell? Did you go after them?"

"No. They ran away before I can even do anything." Hank nods. Snapping his finger and pointing towards the exit.

"To the car. Let's go. Connor. Come on." Connor stoop up and stood next to Hank.

"Looks like we got some searching to do."

[supercasey]

Nomad of Nowhere Modern Twins AU Camping Shenanigans

I did this because I have fucking writer’s block and my new medication for my depression/anxiety is making me feel a bit sucky as I get used to it, so here, have some antics that I may or may not try writing/drawing sometime.

I’m gonna set this camping trip when Hunter and Skout are in high school (both 15) and Melinda is still in elementary school (9).

For context, Benjamin and Annabeth are absolutely nature enthusiasts- I mean, they built their own fucking house for crying out loud!- so camping trips aren’t all that out of place for them, but this time they insist that their oldest kids bring their friends from school along! (Last time they brought some of Melinda’s friends, they accidentally started a fire, and no one wants to relive that shit.)

Skout brings Toth, who’s nervous AF to meet Skout’s parents (she knows they’re pretty damn accepting and in a polyam relationship, but I doubt anyone’s all that excited to meet their significant other’s folks), while Hunter brings the Three Amigos, which of course includes Null, who he only just started dating in secret.

While Ben and Anna are really freaking hyped for the trip, Adrian is a bit less excited, as he fucking loathes outdoor activities of any kind (the family has countless pictures of them all together after a hike, and Adrian always looks close to passing out in them), but he’s excited to meet his kids’ friends!

The whole group road trips to a nice forest that they can camp in, but due to the size of their crew, they split into two vans: Benjamin, Annabeth, Skout, Toth, and Melinda are in one van, with Adrian, Hunter, Null, Santi, and Jethro are in the other.

The road trip is a fucking MESS; Ben and Anna keep arguing over directions (despite Skout offering her phone for GPS, also Ben can’t drive at all but Anna drives like a maniac), so they get lost for several hours.

In the meantime, Adrian’s van is loud AF, since the Three Amigos are a pretty rowdy bunch, and Hunter convinced his dad to let him choose the music, which is just Lemon Demon at top volume for several hours straight. Adrian is in hell and it’s Touch-Tone Telephone on repeat.

Thankfully, once they get to the campsite, things are looking up... except that Don Paragon’s family has their giant ass RV parked directly next to the family’s campsite, and Don brought Red Manuel along because his parents told him to bring a friend from school. Needless to say, none of the teens are happy to see each other outside of school.

Santi and Jethro almost get fucking lost in the woods at some point, but they end up finding a really nice little unpolluted lake to swim in when they do. They run and grab Hunter and Null to go swimming, and it’s fun until Don shows up and bitches about how since his family is wealthier, it’s his and (I guess) Red’s private lake to swim in (it isn’t), and how if they don’t leave he’ll call the cops on them (he wouldn’t).

During this rant, Toth and Skout finally catch up to the boys, and seeing Don Paragon doing his usual BS, Toth simply picks him up and tosses him into the lake, getting his fancy bathrobe and slippers soaked.

Don goes OFF, but gets cut off when Skout, who’s stronger than she looks, picks up Red and tosses him in on top of Don. Everyone laughs (even Red, though he’s smart enough to hide it), before continuing with their swim (though Don still bitches the whole time).

Meantime, the parents aren’t doing much better. Ben and Anna start engaging in a sort of “Parent Contest” with Don Paragon’s folks, trying to insist that they’re cooler parents/have better kids.

Ben vs Don’s Dad is a lot more hostile/direct, while Anna vs Don’s Mom is a lot more passive aggressive and soccer mom-like.

Ben: “Oh, yer son’s got straight A’s? Well mine can fuckin’ backflip ‘n clap at the same damn time! How ya like dat, Michael!?”

Anna: “Aw, Karen, your son is such a sweet boy! :) Remember the time he made Hunter cry, so Skout threw him off a jungle gym? :)) They grow up so fast! :)))”

Meanwhile, Adrian and the Paragon family’s butler shoot the shit over some beers and ignore their companions’ bullshit.

Despite all of the arguing earlier, Don’s folks are convinced that Hunter and Don are best friends for some reason, so they insist on doing a huge family cookout, which everyone else begrudgingly agrees to, if only because Ben is excited about eating free “rich people food” (which Adrian reminds him isn’t all that better than middle class food, but whatever).

In short; El Rey (Adrian’s dog) eats a bunch of raw hotdogs and pukes them up in Anna’s purse, Skout and Toth almost kiss but Hunter accidentally ruins it by playing his guitar right next to them, Melinda keeps sneaking punches at Don when no one’s looking because that bitch made her big bro cry a lot when he was younger, Ben accidentally sets his poncho on fire, and Null, Santi, and Jethro all get food poisoning from Adrian’s under-cooked hamburgers.

At one point, Nomad (Hunter’s cat) runs off after hearing a loud bang from the woods. At this point, it’s really late at night, and Nomad is a black cat, so no one can find him. Hunter goes into hysterics, as Nomad is his closest friend/therapy cat, so after all the parents go to bed, the teens agree to put aside their differences and go to find Nomad.

Don, of course, makes it about himself and insists he’ll find the cat first, and when he does, he expects Hunter (he makes a mean joke about Skout needing to do it for him) to give him a sincere thank you, and then an apology for his family’s horrid behavior towards him! With that, he storms off, Red Manuel hot on his heels but looking a bit... frustrated? How very weird.

Hunter is so freaked out, he just starts running through the woods looking for Nomad, but luckily for him, Melinda can keep up with him. She’s trying to get him to go back to the campsite, as he’s too worked up to be looking for Nomad, and after trying and failing to talk him into listening to her, Melinda simply sits down and fake-sobs, saying she’s scared. Snapped out of it by big brother instincts, Hunter picks her up and takes her back to camp to wait with her until someone finds Nomad.

Seeing as the Three Amigos are as sick as El Rey was earlier (oh dear god, did Anna flip about the puke in her purse), it’s up to Skout, Toth, Don, and Red to find Nomad.

Toth and Skout use the time to talk in privacy, discussing future plans and how this trip has gone. Skout is embarrassed, worried that Toth hated this trip/hates her family, while Toth is convinced she made a bad impression on Skout’s parents. It’s a bit awkward, but they manage to convey their worries to each other and have them reassured away.

During this moment, they end up in a nice little clearing with dandelions sprouting everywhere. Skout laughs, and says something about how although she thinks the Dandy Lion mascot at school is dumb, she’s always loved dandelions. Toth, in response, plucks the largest one and braids it into Skout’s hair.

Skout’s Honor finally gets their fucking kiss, since up until now it’s kept almost happening, but due to public embarrassment/awkwardness, they’ve held back. Now though, away from everyone, they get enough privacy to have their first ever kiss.

Of course, it doesn’t last long before Red Manuel pokes his head through the trees and asks what tf they’re doing. Both girls go scarlet, insisting it was nothing, while Red simply cackles.

Toth goes to punch him in the jaw, but stops mid-swing when Red, in a panic, holds up Nomad to stop her.

Both Toth and Skout are baffled, surprised that Red managed to catch Nomad. Toth, who’s never much liked Red, asks why tf he’s not trying to use Nomad as leverage over them, or better yet, why didn’t he give Nomad to Don so he could use the cat to bully Hunter some more.

For the first time ever, Red seems genuinely upset with Don, and vents to the couple that Don Paragon’s been an asshole to him the entire trip, and only brought him along to make himself look good in front of his parents. He goes on to say that Don ordered him not to talk in front of his folks, and although Red hated the very idea, he agreed because it was better than staying at home with his mom all summer.

Skout grows concerned immediately, and tries to ask about Red’s mom, but he clams up, insisting that Skout just take her brother’s dumb cat (who seems to really like Red) because he doesn’t want to listen to Hunter freak out anymore.

After Hunter is finally reunited with Nomad, he’s absolutely ecstatic, hugging his cat while dancing around with joy. Once Skout tells him that Red Manuel found Nomad, Hunter doesn’t hesitate to run and hug him. Red obviously enjoys the affection, but he tries to play it off nonetheless.

Don eventually finds out that Nomad was found, and freaks tf out about how he was supposed to find him, and that he was supposed to get an apology, dammit!

Toth fucking snaps, telling Don straight up that he’s a piece of shit and should just be happy that Nomad got found, to which Don says pointblank that he wishes Nomad had gotten eaten by a bear, if only so he could see that “R-slur mute’s” face when he found the cat’s remains. Hunter starts crying, horrified by the mental imagery, while Don laughs at him, calling Hunter a pussyboy for crying. Red Manuel, in his rage at his so-called friend’s terrible behavior, punches Don in the dick.

Don is Surprised Pikachu Face(TM), because what tf is Red doing? He’s supposed to be Don’s little yes-man! Tbh, everyone is shocked, and Red finally loses his shit, shouting that Don is an awful fucking friend, and that he resents even knowing him.

((Me? Craving a future Red Manuel Redemption Arc(TM) almost as much as Season 2 of NoN? It’s more likely than you think.))

By now, the parents start waking up, and Don’s dad asks his son what’s going on. Smirking, and with his back turned to his father, Don says that Red is going to be going home with Hunter’s family, as he believes he’s about to strand Red in the wilderness as payback.

Red is freaked out, and makes to beg for Don’s forgiveness, when Skout outright confirms that yes, Red is coming with them, because Red is their friend!

Don is shocked again, but his parents just shrug and tell everyone to go back to bed. Adrian and Ben (the only ones who woke up, because Anna’s a heavy sleeper) are confused, but when Skout tells them that Red needs a ride later, they just shrug and say something like “Eh, what’s one more fucking kid?”

Red is nervous as fuck the next morning, still reeling over what he said to Don, but everyone (even the Three Amigos, who are all still pretty sick) assure him that he did the right thing.

Ben, Anna, and Adrian agree to pack up a bit early that morning, on account of the Paragon family terrorizing them, the Three Amigos getting sick, and almost losing Nomad. However, to make up for the short and crazy trip, they offer to host a slumber party at their house for all the teens, which everyone is on-board with.

Red’s a bit hesitant to agree, and says they can just drop him off near his place and he can leave them be, but Ben, sensing the kid’s anxiety, assures him that he’s welcome to stay with them for the night. After Skout tells him the same thing (with Hunter nodding in agreement), Red agrees, and has an awesome time with everyone!

At the start of the next school year (sophomore year/10th grade), Red Manuel goes back to hanging out with Don Paragon, but he’s noticeably less mean to the twins, and even gets caught helping Hunter pick up his books a few times when Don knocks them out of his hands in the hall.

Sorry, this kinda ended up as more of an “I love Red Manuel, or at least, my characterization of him” rant, but oh well, I hope y’all like my dumb rambling anyways!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: Well, that was a laugh and a half Janis: do you actually want any drink or, anything else you can't get Grace: I'm not even going so no thanks Janis: Really Grace: they can drag me while I'm in the comfort of my room with my makeup fridge and hair wand just as easily Grace: I literally don't need to subject myself to camping Janis: Like you said, you actually wanted to go, they don't, you're really gonna bow out now Grace: & now I also don't obvs Janis: So you roll over again, yeah? Grace: excuse you Grace: I'm not sorry for not wanting to share a tent with Mia and Ella when they're like in love with each other or something Janis: 🙄 It's bullshit, Grace Janis: you aren't going to be in the bloody tent for any amount of time, it's a music festival, remember Grace: sure but I'm gonna have to be in the car forever and that's with you two so Janis: That's nice Janis: and it sounds like Asia might be too, or the other one Grace: yeah like you're so buzzing about it, babes Janis: I'll survive Janis: seriously, you can't not go, let them win Janis: that whole convo was depressing enough without her getting everything she wants, like Grace: I'm not you, I don't just do things cos other people don't want me to Janis: so spend another weekend moping when you could be doing something Grace: like she won't make sure I'm having the WORST time if I go Janis: like she doesn't make sure you're having the worst time always? Janis: fuck all different, is it Grace: it's not always like that Janis: sure Grace: it's not Grace: & it's your fault it is now Grace: idk why you had to start hanging out with us, you've sent her into the BIGGEST spiral literally ever Janis: yeah, would be my fault, 'course Janis: not obvious that she can't stand any of you unless you're doing exactly what she wants when she wants it Grace: it is your fault though! there's no way you wanna go to some lame music festival with any of us Grace: I'm not stupid Janis: What possible pleasure could I derive from any of this if not the joy of our company Janis: do tell Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Seriously Janis: I'm not one of your friends, not that underhand and it's not that deep Grace: You're not being at all serious thanks Janis: how am I not Grace: Oh please Grace: literally not in the mood so Janis: yeah, I heard Janis: if you're so aggy she makes you look like a cunt, then stop playing into her hands every time Janis: she doesn't want to go, if you all jump ship, so can she Janis: it isn't difficult Grace: Duh Grace: but I'm the only one who isn't going so she has to Janis: Are you sure you're not stupid Janis: are you listening Grace: It's totally obvs that you think I am, babes Grace: we don't even need to do this Janis: do what Grace: have any kind of convo Janis: yeah, you left your manners at the door but since you've proved you're a total pussy in that convo it's falling a bit flat now Grace: okay Janis: Jesus, how are you such a doormat for someone when you're not even first choice Janis: sort it out Grace: Literally didn't ask for your sisterly advice Janis: well you need it Janis: state of that, abysmal, seriously Grace: can you just stop Janis: can you Janis: a better fucking question Grace: obvs not Janis: Christ Grace: It literally doesn't effect you if I do or don't go Grace: get over it Janis: it effects me you being a fucking joke Grace: no more than usual Janis: Fine Grace: 👋💜 then Janis: don't throw that at me Janis: not one of your 'mates' Grace: you wanted me to have some manners, hun Grace: but fine Janis: yeah, and that ain't it Janis: we've all seen how you use emojis Janis: passive aggression is still the latter, you're just being a wimp with it Grace: I'm not her, excuse you Grace: if I were, all this drama wouldn't be happening rn Janis: Don't pretend you mean half the shit you say Janis: your storytimes are more believable Grace: RUDE Janis: generous Grace: you're my sister, I mean what I say to you Janis: that's why you don't say shit Grace: ugh Janis: go on then, what are you gonna do with your weekend instead Grace: 🤷 boys have their uses Janis: yeah, that's a plan Grace: again, didn't ask Janis: no, I did, that's how a conversation works Janis: that's not even your idea, it's Asia's Janis: you're really going to her for the 🔥💡 are you Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: cos going to the festival is such a 🔥💡 Janis: Yeah, that's why it's ticketed Janis: won't need to douche with bleach after either, best of both worlds Grace: EW Janis: yeah yeah Janis: are you really gonna leave Asia alone with those two Grace: UM you could read how quickly she turned on Hollie Grace: price of a spray tan and some acrylics Janis: She's thick Janis: you all want Mia to love you as bad as each other, at least being stupid is a valid excuse for that kind of behaviour Grace: me too, right? Janis: You going to say you don't? Grace: I'm not gay any more than you are, thank you Janis: 🙄🙄 Grace: I would love to know who she's planning to invite but not cos I'm 💔😍😍 Janis: I know Janis: but doubt it'll happen, or she has the bottle to Grace: you don't have any exes do you? Janis: loads Grace: I'm being serious Janis: so am I Grace: you are NOT Janis: and you'd know, how Janis: don't ask questions when you reckon you know the answers Grace: I'd know cos everyone else would if there were loads Grace: you'd be called everything I am, duh Janis: I'm better at keeping my life private Grace: well again, duh Janis: not hard Janis: so not 💔 Grace: I was just wondering if that was who she was bringing Grace: she's really as obsessed with you as you think any of us are about her Janis: I told you, I already know who it is Janis: and I don't need to think hard on that Grace: as if you're not gonna tell me who it is Janis: not anyone exciting Janis: or gonna happen, like I said Janis: now they've got Asia back, only need to win 'round whatserface too and the car is full again Grace: 🤷 Grace: maybe Ella's seat will be free for her mystery date, if Hollie spilt anything dramatic enough Janis: and lose her loyalest pet Janis: you're all just playing musical chairs Grace: it's happened before Janis: yeah, and like I said, musical chairs Janis: fuck all changes Janis: you're all still 'friends' whatever the dynamic you reckon Janis: her>you Grace: & like I've said repeatedly since you started hanging out with us why are you 'friends' with any of them now? Janis: why'd ya think Grace: why won't you just tell me? Janis: why would I Grace: UM maybe cos you've been shading me constantly for not standing up to them & you're inviting them all to festivals and joining us on sleepovers like they're your new besties Janis: come on, it ain't hard Grace: so say it Janis: it's different 'cos I don't care about them or what they've got to say Janis: and I'd tell 'em the same so you can go ahead if that's your plan or whatever Janis: like I said, not that deep Grace: I don't have a plan Grace: obvs I'm the only one who doesn't rn Janis: obviously Janis: have you ever met your mates Grace: Why can't you just go back to hating me and them from afar or whatever? Grace: you're ruining everything Janis: yeah Janis: you was well solid before this Janis: I didn't have to do shit, that's the truth Janis: I didn't say anything in that entire convo Grace: you literally know you don't have to Grace: she's mad at me for being your sister Grace: which I didn't even ask for Janis: 💔 Janis: such a good friend Janis: get a grip and say you aren't obsessed with her again, like Grace: forget it Janis: mhmm Grace: have fun at the stupid festival Janis: Honestly, Grace, grow up Grace: yeah cos game playing is SO mature Janis: Like you said, I literally don't have to Grace: No, you've just been telling me to instead Janis: 'cos what you're doing and always do now is??? Janis: you play to lose, that's the only difference Grace: I'm not playing is the difference Grace: like this is my actual life Janis: Hardly Grace: 👌👌 Janis: have fun dancing to Mia's beat, as always Grace: I'm literally not, thanks to you, babes Janis: bollocks aren't you Grace: lacking a colour co-ordinated 💅 rn so Janis: yeah, to punish you, so you do what she knows you'll do Janis: cry in your bedroom Janis: then she won't be feeling it, 'cos you and Holly are marding so the three amigos will doss about hers taking selfies instead Janis: I told you, it's fucking obvious what her plan was, and it'll be all your fault 'cos they were well up for it Grace: UGH Grace: I'm not stupid, okay? Grace: not THAT stupid anyway Grace: I know Janis: so do something about it Janis: or are you really that fucked up you can't wait to make it all up to them Grace: Shut up, no Janis: then come, convince your mate to come, and have a good time Janis: fucking hell, is it so hard Grace: It won't be a good time though, will it? Grace: it's fine for you, you won't be sharing a tent or anything else with her Grace: just your boyfriend Janis: yeah, 'cos as mentioned, love spending time with you lot Janis: do it to spite her, there's plenty of distraction Janis: not to mention plenty of tents in our loft if you literally can't stand the sight of her Grace: oh she'd love that, me covered in 🕷 Grace: if I go I obvs have to share a tent with her and be so unaffected duh Janis: bring good headphones Janis: decent shout anyway Grace: if Asia's bf decides to show up yeah Grace: UGH Janis: or Mia's Janis: #2s 😭 obvs Grace: well now I'm like so torn cos I want Ella to be 💔 but I don't want Mia to invite whoever the hell Grace: do I make sure the car is too full or not? 🤔🤔 Janis: not like she'd have him stay anyway Janis: probably come for the saturday night Janis: didn't like have any boys around her when she 😴 Janis: never mind one she's fucking/wants to Grace: PLEASE tell me who it is Janis: 😂 why does it matter who her latest fucktoy is Grace: cos she doesn't want me to know Janis: you think he's gonna be like well ugly then yeah Grace: you don't understand, she ALWAYS wants me to know Grace: so if she doesn't Grace: it's worse than ugly Janis: you'll see if she's not bullshitting, won't you Janis: tents aren't that private Grace: OMG Janis Grace: I'll come if you tell me Janis: 😏 you can't bribe me Janis: might be wrong, anyway but doubt it Grace: fine, I'll do everything I can while we're there to annoy Mia if you tell me Janis: swear on your life Grace: you don't place any value on my life, babes Grace: but I swear on the contents of my make up fridge that you're basically forcing me to leave behind, sure Janis: we aren't even getting into the stupidity of that rn Janis: do you see them keeping makeup in shops in fridges? no, you know why? 'cos you're gonna put it on your face, you donut Janis: [sends Harry's deets] Janis: obvs she wants to ride him too but Jim got into a fight with him so that's why she's being sly Grace: in shops they don't want it to have a long shelf life or work well cos then you'll buy more, DUH Grace: OMG I've literally hooked up with the other boy in his profile pic, that's so awkward Janis: Gross Grace: yeah he so was Grace: I see why she was encouraging me to now though Janis: Grosser still Janis: you know that's called prostitution, yeah Grace: excuse you Grace: he didn't even pay for my uber, thank you Janis: you don't get paid, your pimp does, idiot Grace: she's not my Grace: GROSS Janis: your friendship is so fucking twisted Grace: stop dragging me for like one second Grace: how recent of an ex of yours is he? Janis: it's only 50% you Janis: and what are you on about Grace: girl code Grace: even if you are only fake friends Janis: I don't need to invoke the sacred and ancient girl code, you're alright Grace: do you wanna ruin her life or just mine? 🙄🙄 Janis: I reckon she's frustrated enough Janis: I really don't care if she adds another body to her count, tbh Grace: your boyfriend obvs cares, unless he fought him for a different reason Grace: like his tragic pic captions Janis: could be Janis: very serious about that sort of thing Grace: hipsters always are, babes Janis: this from the girl who drafts all her posts so they really pop Janis: meant to be, clearly Grace: 🤫🤫🤫🤫 Janis: your #influencer secrets are safe with me Janis: mostly because idgaf Grace: ILY too hun Janis: yeah yeah Janis: if he does come, how can we fuck her over Janis: without 'girl code' Grace: I'd offer to hook up with him before she can but I'm not going anywhere you've ever Grace: I'd have to kms Janis: remember what we talked about Janis: prostitution is never the answer Janis: fuck it, I'll think of something Grace: he won't come Grace: I can tell by his feed Janis: meaning? Grace: I'm stupid but I understand boys Grace: the type he is and the type he isn't Janis: very philosophical, babe Janis: but I meant literally Grace: literally he's not gonna show up for her like that Janis: maybe not Grace: & if he knows you're there, which he can't not Janis: not everyone avoids me like the plague, cheers Grace: Duh, I mean if he showed up she can't be sure it's for her Grace: she'd hate that Janis: she'd put up with it to fuck me over though Grace: yeah but is he gonna put up with the possibility that barista boy wins another fight, I doubt it Janis: true Janis: 🤞 Grace: all he has is what he fronts, obvs Grace: it's a totally stupid risk and for what? you're not gonna hook up with him again Janis: he is totally stupid Janis: if his feed isn't giving that away 🔮 Grace: it is Grace: but like Grace: he won't come Janis: Poor Mia Grace: literally never say that again it's too weird Janis: but she'll be 💔 I'm not Grace: she'd need a 💜 Janis: same here Janis: 🤫🤫🤫🤫 Grace: Oh please Grace: you're so 😍😍😍 it's gross Janis: shut up or I'll bombard you with green emojis Grace: wtf was that Grace: 🙄 Janis: was amusing, give you that Janis: but don't reckon much to any of your debate skills Grace: thanks Grace: I swear Mia was a totally different person before Ella moved here, so not even fair that you get barista boy and we get her tbh Janis: that's what a 💀 pact will do to you Grace: it's not funny Janis: not gonna cry for every girl that wants to starve herself Grace: yeah you'd need emotions that aren't 😍🤤 & 😒😠 Janis: and why would I want that Grace: 🙄🤷 Janis: yeah, seems a right laugh Janis: get on it asap Grace: sure Janis: 👋 k, toodles Grace: ugh don't even Janis: 😂 Grace: Iggy's taking us Janis: ugh Janis: alright Grace: IKR but I'm so glad it's not dad Janis: have to hitchhike if it was Grace: we could casually leave all Mia's stuff behind if we were though 😂 Janis: still time Grace: & I obvs need the exercise cos I'm SO JEALOUS of how Ella looks Janis: wouldn't be enough even if the festival was in the south pole, babes Grace: okay thanks for joining in on giving me a freakout now that I am going Janis: shut up 🙄 Grace: yeah obvs have to go have that freakout sooo Janis: if you wanna look like you're dying, go 'head and start killing yourself Janis: nothing goals about it is there Grace: I don't have to wanna look like her to not wanna look like THIS Janis: like what Janis: a normal person Grace: like do not Janis: 🤷 Janis: whatever Grace: UM no we're not fake friends Grace: so you can stop Janis: I'm really not saying anything though Grace: 👌👌 Janis: see you tomorrow then Grace: yeah

[dam-those-words]

15 Questions Tag Game!

I was (kinda) tagged by @georgiacambrielwritblr!

Rules: Pick a character (or two in my case) from your WIP and have them answer these 15 questions, then tag 15 people!

(Also, I already had this post done but when I tried to post it Tumblr went Thud appearently and deleted it instead, so I had to start over. Sorry for the long wait Georgia lol)

1. What is your full name?

" I'm Aniol Kaminski," The dirty-blonde male on the interviewer's right ruffles his red and gold wings. It takes most of the interviewer's willpower to not stare at them while shaking his hand; of course they've seen wings before, but never like these.

"Mattea Sarai," Says the platinum blonde on the interviewer's left. She completely disregards the interviewers outstretched hand and instead sits back in her wooden chair and crosses her arms.

2. What does it mean?

"Mine means something like, 'Stone Angel,' in Polish, so that's pretty cool." Aniol's voice is a growly-type deep, and paired with his thick accent, it takes the interviewer a second the realize what he said.

"You're so lucky. [Throwback to when his name was actually Lucky lmao] My name means some bullshit like, 'Princess,' or 'God's Gift,' or something. Makes me wanna barf just thinking about it." Mattea says, making a puking gesture.

"Woah there, young lady. Who taught you to cuss?" Aniol grins at her, but the way he flashes it makes it seem more like baring his teeth.

Mattea raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'Who taught you to cuss?' Have you heard yourself?" She leans forward in her wooden chair, putting her elbows on her knees.

Aniol leans forward, copying Mattea. He whispers-- well more like growls-- something too quiet for the interviewer to hear, but makes the rage in Mattea's eyes simmer.

The tension in the room makes the interviewer realize that the wooden table in between them would do nothing if the got into a fight as bad as they'd been rumored to. The interviewer clears their throat and asks the next question.

3. Do you two have any nicknames or other names?

"I don't really have any, but this little devil does call me Bird Boy more often than she calls me Aniol," Aniol nodded towards the girl across the wooden table.

Mattea had snatched a peanut butter cookie from the gold-lined plate in the middle of the table, and now had a mouthful of cookie. She somehow still managed to say, "Are you forgetting about Jexi calling you Ann? Like, Ann of Green Gables?"

Aniol simply rolls his eyes, replying, "I'm not forgetting, I'm just ignoring the fact that you've appearently eavesdropped. And don't talk while eating,"

"Its not like I try to listen to everything that happens in your guys' rooms, especially at night when you guys--"

"Anyway, why don't you tell them what your nickname is?" His cheeks are a bright red as he talks.

Mattea smiles, relaxing a little and shrugging. "I don't really have any, either. Oh, well, Mayson calls me Matt sometimes. But other than that, none."

4. What's your gender?

"Male, obviously," Aniol says, the pink already fading.

"Female," Mattea answers.

"God, we're so boring. I wish we had Dani so they could spice it up," There's a tinge of sadness in his voice. He frowns down at his hands where he holds a small paperclip he had been figiting with, his short and jagged hair falling into his eyes.

Mattea's eyebrows scrunch for a split second before a mask of arrogance passes over he features, and she says, "Speak for yourself, amigo. I'm the most interesting out of the entire Assassin's."

Aniol's returning look is so full of an emotion that the interviewer can't place, but still makes them look away and clear their throat yet again.

5. What is your sexuality?

"I'm pansexual," Aniol says quickly, sitting back in his chair and grabbing a cookie.

The confusion must have shown on the interviewer's face, since Aniol adds on, in a matter-of-fact tone, "It means that I can like anyone, regardless of their gender."

The interviewer nods and turns towards Mattea for an answer.

She had become a completely different person than she was about five seconds ago: she had somehow scrunched in on herself, grabbing her arms as if she were cold. Her lips were pursed.

"I--uh, I don't... I think--" Mattea is interrupted again by Aniol, but this time her expression changes to relief instead of amusement.

"We've talked about it before, and Mattea would like to not answer that question. If we could move on, that'd be great." He says in the same matter-of-fact tone as earlier.

6. Where are you from?

"Poland, though you can probably tell," Aniol says, his accent somehow becoming thicker than before.

Mattea clears her throat, the tension slowly leaving her body. "I'm from here. Akida."

7. How old are you?

"I'm 25. I was born on October 2nd, 2005." Aniol says.

"I'm only two years younger than him, and yet he somehow thinks that he's sooo--" Mattea does jazz hands as she speaks. "--much smarter and wiser than me, even though I obviously am the smarter one."

Aniol rolls his eyes, throwing the last bit of his cookie at her. He hits her directly in the forehead. His eyes go wide.

There's a moment of silence before they both burst out laughing. It fills the small room, and the interviewer can't help but join them.

8. Any special talents?

"Not really. I mean, I'm pretty good at baseball, but my wings get in the way for any sport." Aniol ruffles his wings again in emphasis. The interviewer silently thanks themselves again for remembering to get a special chair to accommodate his wings.

"I'm good at using most weapons, besides those stupid miscellaneous ones. I'm also good at braiding my own hair, which is something even Jexi can't do." Mattea figits with her hair tie, throwing Aniol an arrogant grin.

"Hey, you should put all that on your future resumes. I'm great at weapons, also known as murder, I can tie my hair back like any normal human, and I can be incredibly stupid! I'm the whole package!" Aniol mocks, making his deep voice extremely high.

The interviewer tenses, but is pleasantly surprised when all Mattea does is laugh and look expectantly for the next question.

9. Any kids?

Mattea bark-laughs again, shaking her head vigorously.

Aniol only shrugs his shoulders and says, "In the future, if my partner wants them. But none right now,"

10. What's your aesthetic?

Mattea interrupts Aniol before he has a chance to open his mouth, ticking the subjects off on her fingers as she talks, "Water fountains, pale roses, lip balm, pastel colors, stationary--"

It's Aniol's turn to cut her off, asking what an aesthetic is.

"It's like... your vibes. Like, for you it would be something like... maybe lots of grey and orange things." Mattea explains.

"That sounds stupid, but whatever. I guess mine is cobblestone, rain... uh, bright orange feathers and pumpkins. I don't know what it means, don't laugh at me!" He adds when Mattea tries to cover her laugh up with a cough.

11. Who's your best friend?

"Jexi,"

"Are you sure it's only best friend? Nothing else?" Mattea prods at Aniol's answer.

"Oh shut up. What about you and Mayson, huh?" He snaps back. Her cheeks turn as red as Aniol's cheeks earlier.

"That's not important,"

"Mhm," Though their words suggest tension, their eyes are full of amusement.

12. Would you ever get piercings or tattoos?

"I already have a tattoo," Aniol says, pulling up his grey sleeve to show a black and white tattoo of an arrow on his bicep.

"Wait, when did you get that?" Mattea asks, leaning forward to see it better.

"Jexi gave it to me when we were nineteen,"

Mattea's eyebrows rise. "Jexi did? And you still refuse to acknowledge the fact that she's--"

"Did I not make myself clear, Matt?" Aniol snarls, letting his sleeve fall down.

Mattea snarls right back.

The interviewer hastily asks the next question, hoping to change their focus onto them.

13. When are you happiest?

Aniol throws Mattea one last death glare before ruffling his wings yet again. "When I'm flying,"

"With a certain someone," Mattea tries to whisper but the interviewer hears her anyway, smirking.

"Do you have a death wish or what, Matt?"

"Name a time when I didn't,"

Aniol starts to respond but is cut off by the interviewer, still desperately hoping to get through this interview without a fight. The interviewer asks Mattea the question again.

"If I'm honest, I really like sketching. And archery. And I do like to banter with this idiot," She smiles again, but it's (thankfully) filled with much less venom than before.

That quickly, the tension leaves the room. The interviewer was amazed at their ability to start and end an argument in less than a minute. No wonder these two were always in trouble.

14. What's your biggest secret?

"Oooh, that's a good one. Why don't you go first, Aniol?" Mattea claps her hands, threading them together and putting them on her now crossed legs.

"Oh, uh. I guess... I'm terrified of spiders. Like, I hate then with my whole being,"

Mattea seemingly can't help but laugh at that, trying again and failing at turning it into a cough.

"Hey, you're scared of them, too! Don't you remember when you made Noah switch sleeping bags with you because you thought there was a spider in yours?" Aniol hastily defends himself.

"Yeah, but," Mattea is laughing so hard she can barely talk.

It takes longer than the interviewer would have liked for Mattea to finally calm down, and to ask the question again.

"I think my biggest secret is how I got this necklace and why." Mattea answers, holding out a silver chain with a half-cresent moon dangling on it.

When she doesn't continue, the interviewer decides to move on and get this interview over with.

15. Last question: What's the first thing you notice about people?

"Hmm. I think I notice how they move firstly. That alone tells you a lot about them," Mattea answers, nodding at her own answer.

A grin creeps onto Aniol's face at her, but he only says, "I notice their eye or lips first. I don't really know why, and I honestly should notice their movement first, but," He shrugs.

-

Oh jeez, I'm sorry for the long post lmao!

And idk about 15 people, since tumblr might decide to not actually tag them, but I'll try as many as I can think of!

@supersockosis @toboldlywrite @quillwritten @quilloftheclouds @fruzsiwrites @reeseweston @writeness @bartlebyboys @pens-swords-stuff @msmeaghanrey

As always, you dont have to do this is you dont want to (or already did it), and if I didnt tag you feel free to do it anyway and say I tagged you!

[akastacia]

Día 7 - Sólo por él y para él (drabble) [English/Español]

ENGLISH UP

Day 7 – Free @kymanweek

Word Count: 687

Warnings: based on spookyfish ep, so the drabble is about evil!Kyle and evil!Eric.

Synopsis: Cartman celebrates his 13rd birthday and Kyle thinks about why he likes the fatass.

For the first day, I wanted to write an one-shot about Cartman’s b-day but I ended up writing something different because this idea didn’t match with the first prompt. Anyway~ I really had maaaany ideas for today but, as I wanted to write something related to another of my fics, I decided to use this idea for the seventh day.

Oh, and this doesn’t really have to do with “In a Mirror, Festively” but other fic of mine. But, of course, I got some inspiration from SleepyEule and SynapticFirefly headcanons (sorry, that fic is only in Spanish for the moment).

ESPAÑOL ABAJO

Día 7 – Día Libre

Palabras: 675

Advertencias: basado en el AU spookyverse, así que estas versiones son evil!Kyle y evil!Eric.

Sinopsis: Cartman celebra su cumpleaños nº 13 y Kyle se pone a pensar sobre porqué le gusta el culón.

Para el 1 de julio, tenía ganas de escribir algo por el cumpleaños de Eric, pero me salió otra cosa y la idea esta no podía usarla para el prompt de ese día. Pues bueno~ tenía muuuuchas ideas para escribir hoy, pero como tengo hace días ganas de seguir escribiendo mi otro fic, terminé decantándome por esto.

Esto se puede leer por separado, pero también como un recuerdo dentro de “Harmonía Ilusioria”.

También lo pueden leer en [wattpad]

Y si quieren leer todos mis aportes: [De Culones Racistas y Judíos de Jersey]

ENGLISH

Day 7 / Free – Because of him and only for him.

Eric Cartman.

Eric Cartman was the most stupid kid in South Park. That was something that everybody knew and, for that reason, all in town usually mocked at him.

 Helping others? Thinking about their well-being without receiving anything in exchange? Bullshit! In that full of violence world, if you took care about others, you signed your own death sentence. And that way, people like Eric Cartman didn’t usually survive their first living years.

 Stalked, kidnapped, hunted…

Sometimes, there was that kind of news about people like Eric due to the fact that their arrest or their death were of general interest.

But there were also lots of urban legends about them since, in a violent and bloodthirsty society, honest and kind people weren’t just considered scums that couldn’t protect themselves, they were also a part of that list of abominable creatures that nobody wanted to find when turning their head in the middle of a dark night. Receiving a sneaky stab from your best friend was less scary than finding somebody who truly wanted to give you a hand…

 So, why that fatass was laughing and smiling a lot in his 13rd birthday celebration? There were just 4 people at that party, one cake and nothing kind of violent activity… Kenny and Stan could try to kill each other or something to add some fun, right?…… Nah. With Wendy there, Stan wasn’t going to do a shit… Seriously, what the hell was doing Wendy there?!

 Seriously, for Kyle Broflovski’s mind was easier to understand why Eric could have reach that age successfully than why he was so fucking happy. Besides, Kyle was busier, sitting there and hating everything since he couldn’t put that stupid birthday hat properly because of his stupid jewfro. Agh, fuck that hat! They were too old for that crap!

 But, to be honest, he didn’t care about the reason of that happiness. Eric was stupid, right? And many of the things Eric did or said were strange and couldn’t be understand by normal people.

 People like Cartman were really scarce and their childhoods were usually more than horrible. Most of them died at the hands of their own parents at the very moment they became aware of their child ‘condition’. And those kids who had parents that had decided love them no matter what didn’t usually find the same benevolence from school mates. Or teachers…

 For that reason, their kindergarten teacher had tried to kill him, to the point of setting on fire the whole building with all of them inside. She hated Eric because she was scared of him. Of his joy. Of his big smile. And of his pure wishes of helping others.

 And many people in town were scared too. Many of them were always insulting him, repudiating him… and, sometimes, somebody tried to kill him.

 Ah… Kyle still remembered that time when that idiot from sixth grade had thought that throwing Cartman on that dimensional portal was going to be so funny… Ah… well, Stan and he had had a lot of fun killing that idiot.

 “Kahl. Do you need some help with your hat?”, asked Eric before walking closer to him.

 Kyle should do the same. He should be scared of him. Hate him. Repudiate him. Kill him…

 But nothing of that would happen. Because that smile and those pure wishes had to be for him. All for him. That was one of the first thoughts that Kyle had about Eric. And, in the following years, that had got strength and intensity to the point of falling in love.

 Yes. Kyle Broflovski loved the most stupid kid in South Park. His kindness and shyness. His happiness and his pure heart. His…

  “Happy birthday, fatass.” Kyle said taking advantage of Eric��s closeness to steal him a kiss. Now his boyfriend’s face was completely reddened. And his smile was much more beautiful. If Eric was happy, Kyle didn’t care about understanding why he was smiling before. But it was better when he knew that Eric was smiling because of him and only for him.

 Adorable.

 Eric Cartman was just adorable.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The evil Kyle is evil but he can’t help to himself and don’t act a bit silly when something has to do with Eric www. And he don’t understand why birthdays are funny since, in my spookyverse HC, they aren’t funny without some violent stuff. But, anyways, Kyle doesn’t care if he doesn’t understand, he only wants Eric to be happy (he is smart as the good Kyle but he lives in a society that considers Eric a bad thing; like we consider murderers in ours).

Anyways~ yeah, in my opinion: in the spookyverse, good people aren’t just hated but they are people to be afraid of.

Ah, it doesn’t say it in the drabble but evil Wendy has some kind of friendship with evil Eric. (tbh, many people likes evil Cartman and Kyle hate that fact www)

--------------------------------------------------------------- 

ESPAÑOL

Día 7 / Día Libre – Sólo por él y para él

Eric Cartman.

Eric Cartman era el niño más estúpido de South Park. Eso todos los sabían y, por eso, todos se reían de él.

 ¿Ayudar a otros? ¿Velar por su bienestar sin esperar nada a cambio? ¡Estupideces! En ese mundo, donde la violencia era moneda corriente, preocuparse por el prójimo era sentencia de muerte. Y, por esa razón, la gente como Eric Cartman usualmente no sobrevivía a sus primeros años de vida.

 Acechados, secuestrados, cazados…

Cada tanto había noticias así respecto a la gente como Eric; pues la aprensión o muerte de alguien con Eric era motivo de interés general.

Pero también había leyendas urbanas sobre ellos, puesto que –para esa sociedad violenta y sanguinaria– las personas bondadosas y honestas no sólo eran consideradas simples escorias que no podían luchar, sino que eran parte de ese catálogo de criaturas abominables que, en una noche oscura, jamás te querrías encontrar al voltear. Una puñalada trapera por parte de tu mejor amigo era mucho menos espeluznante que alguien servicial, dispuesto a darte indicaciones correctas…

 Entonces, ¿por qué aquel culón estaba celebrando su cumpleaños número 13 con tanta alegría mientras reía? Allí sólo había 4 invitados, un pastel y ningún tipo de actividad violenta… Kenny y Stan podrían intentar matarse o algo para aportar algo de diversión, ¿verdad?…… Nah. Estando Wendy allí, Stan no haría una mierda… En serio, ¿¿por qué carajos estaba Wendy allí??

 En serio, a la mente de Kyle Broflovski le era más fácil comprender la causa de por qué Eric había logrado llegar exitosamente a esa edad, que el motivo de su inmensa felicidad actual. Además, estaba más ocupado sentado y odiando todo porque no se podía colocar el estúpido sombrero de cumpleaños por culpa de su estúpido afro judío. ¡Agh, al carajo con el sombrero! ¡Ya estaban muy grandes para esas mierdas!

 Aunque tampoco le importaba realmente comprender ni saber el motivo de su felicidad. Eric Cartman era estúpido, ¿verdad? Y muchas de las cosas que hacía o decía, iban más allá del entendimiento de la gente promedio.

 Las personas como Cartman eran realmente escasas y sus infancias solían ser más que terribles. Muchos morían en las manos de sus propios padres, una vez estos comenzaban a ser conscientes de su ‘condición’. Los que no, porque tenían progenitores que habían aprendido a amarlos sin importar qué, no solían encontrar el mismo tipo de comprensión de sus compañeros de colegio. O de los propios profesores…

Por algo, la maestra de preescolar había tratado de matarlo, llegando al punto de incendiar el edificio con todos adentro. Ella odiaba a Eric, porque le tenía miedo. A su alegría. A su gran sonrisa. Y a sus deseos tan puros por ayudar a otros.

 Y, de hecho, muchos lo hacían en el pueblo. La mayoría siempre estaba insultándolo y repudiándolo… y, cada tanto, alguien intentaba asesinarlo.

 Ah… Kyle aún recordaba la vez que aquel idiota de sexto grado había creído que sería muy divertido el arrojar a Cartman por aquel portal dimensional… Ah… bueno, Stan y él se habían divertido bastante matando a ese idiota.

 —Kahl. ¿N-necesitas ayudar con tu gorro? —preguntó Eric antes de acercarse a él.

 Kyle debería hacer lo mismo. También debería temerle. Odiarlo. Repudiarlo. Matarlo…

Pero eso no sucedería. Porque esa alegría, esa sonrisa y esos deseos tan puros debían ser suyos. Y sólo suyos. Aquel fue uno de los primeros pensamientos que tuvo hacia Eric y, con los años, había cobrado tanta fuerza e intensidad que se había enamorado.

 Sí. Kyle Broflovski amaba al niño más estúpido de South Park. Por su amabilidad y timidez. Por su alegría y su buen corazón. Por su…

 —Feliz cumpleaños, culón. —dijo el judío, aprovechando la proximidad del otro para robarle un beso.

 Ahora su novio tenía la cara completamente roja. Aparte de una sonrisa aún más hermosa. Daba lo mismo el por qué estuviera sonriendo antes mientras fuera feliz. Pero era mejor saber que ahora sonreía sólo por él y para él.

 Adorable.

 Eric Cartman era simplemente adorable.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------

El Kyle malvado es malvado, pero no puede evitar ponerse pendejo por su culón :’v Y no entiende por qué un cumpleaños es gran cosa para estar feliz porque en mi HC los cumpleaños no son realmente divertidos en el spookyverse si no tienen algo de violencia (?). Pero, a fin de cuentas, no le importa entender, sólo saber que Eric es feliz. (no es que no lo intente, no puede entenderlo xD es inteligente como el otro Kyle pero consideren en qué tipo de sociedad vive; Eric representa todo lo malo en la nuestra, so~)

Como dije antes, esto puede tomarse como un recuerdo dentro de “Harmonía Ilusioria”. Y sí, para mí, la gente buena en el universo malvado: más que simplemente odiada, es algo a lo que se le debe temer.

Ah, y no lo digo en el drabble pero evil Wendy tiene una especie de amistad con evil Eric. (tbh, evil Eric le agrada a mucha gente y eso le caga a evil Kyle pffff)

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x06: “Southern Comfort”

THEN: Garth Fitzgerald IV. Sam retired because he met Amelia and they had a normal life. Dean was in Purgatory. Benny’s his new friend, whom Sam immediately distrusts.

Kearney, Missouri.

RIP first victim. Decapitated.

Oh shit, here we go.

“You want to talk about Benny? Fine. Let's talk.”

“Okay. How about he's a vampire?”

Don’t talk to Dean like he’s 5.

“Don't pretend I don't get it. I know you had to do what you had to down there.” No, Sam doesn’t get it. He didn’t just “do what he had to do”. Dean genuinely befriended Benny after going through Purgatory together.

“And what about my friend, Amy? She was what? 'Cause you sure as hell didn't have a problem ganking her.” 

Amy had been killing people.

Benny hasn’t killed a single person since coming out of Purgatory.

You spent ONE DAY with Amy. Dean spent a year with Benny.

“He tell you he's not drinking live blood, or something? And you believe him. Wow. Okay.” HE KNOWS, HE’S SEEN BENNY DRINK FROM HIS BAGS.

“Yeah. I got a vampire buddy, and you turn your phone off for a year.”

“Don't turn this on me.”

You’re using Dean’s past year against him, he’s gonna turn around and do the same to you, regardless if it’s fair or not.

“Look, Benny slips up and some other hunter turns his lights out, so be it.”

“But it's not gonna be you, right?”

It is, actually, and it’s gonna be heartbreaking, so screw you very much.

At the crime house.

“Sam, Kevin's in the wind, okay, you're sulking around like a eunuch in a whorehouse, and I can't help but ask myself, when is decapitation not my thing?“ pfft.

Garth!!!

I really don’t get the annoyance they have with Garth??? That’s always been an issue of mine concerning the Winchesters.

Look how happy Garth is to see them again! What an angel!!

“Uh, you guys have no idea how much I missed you.”

“A Texas Ranger, Garth? Seriously? We're in Missouri.” Says the man who’ll say he’s a Texas Ranger in Kansas in S13.

Garth’s multiple phones.

Ringtone #1: “Jump” by Kriss Kross.

“Since when is giving advice your job?”

“Hold up. Are you the new Bobby?”

“You shut your mouth.”

“Yes.”

“You shut your mouth!”

I could honestly punch Sam and Dean for how mean they are to Garth. Garth’s been helping out as best as he could since three of the best hunters in the community either died or went M.I.A.

Scott Lew.

Eww. Green goo.

OHHH WHY DID GARTH HAVE TO TASTE IT????

Ringtone #2: “Wild Wild West” by Kool Moe Dee.

“One of those things rings Hammer, I'm throwing down.” Get ready to throw down then.

“Alcott” was carved into Chester’s chest.

“Do you remember anything at all about what happened? Um... Chester dying?”

“Not really. Bits and pieces, I guess.”

I get the joke too, Garth.

A visible negative reaction to the name “Alcott”.

“Sara had one night with him, whereas I was with Chester for 37 years.” And yet you couldn’t let go of her going to prom with him?

Lunch time.

“I was in Purgatory.”

“Like the Purgatory Purgatory?”

“No, the one in Miami.”

ohoho.

“Man, that’s balls.”

“That's not how you say ‘balls.’"

Why don’t you cool your damn jets, Dean?

“So, how’d you get out?”

I CAN’T STAND that passive aggressive move Sam does there.

Garth went to college and then dental school.

“Where'd you think I got my first case?”

“Let me guess - Tooth Fairy.”

“...Yeah. Man, I felt terrible when I ganked that SOB.”

I love that last line and the genuine sadness when Garth says it. Bless his heart.

Scott’s asthmatic, and he’s got ectoplasm coming out his ear.

HOT COFFEE TO THE FACE, GOOD LORD.

RIP Jeff. Killed by Scott.

“Sussex”

One of Bobby’s hats!

STOP BEING A FREAKING GATEKEEPER DEAN

“That's not how you wear it.” WHAT OTHER WAY IS THERE TO WEAR A HAT

AGAIN I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY TREAT GARTH LIKE AN ANNOYANCE TO DUMP ON EACH OTHER.

Sara Alcott, now Sara Brown.

Domestic Sam flashback. 

Sam and Amelia had sex. 

“You asked me if I lost someone. I did. My husband. He died in Afghanistan eight months ago.”

“We were together forever. Or at least it seemed that way. Then one day, Don just enlists. Didn't ask me, just said something about wanting to do the right thing. Next thing I know, he's off overseas and I'm all alone. I got a couple letters, some phone calls, and then a knock at the door. Just like that. And everywhere I looked, all I could see was judgment and pity and just this constant reminder of Don everywhere. So I moved here... and became even more of a hot mess than I already was. And you hit a dog.”

This is one of Amelia’s better moments. When she lets go, when she lets her walls down, she’s honest and sweet.

“Easy there, flyweight. Last time you drank a beer, I had to pick you up off the floor.” Fair enough.

“You’re such an idjit.”

“Idjit's supposed to be used angrily. Okay? Not happy. If you're gonna butcher it, don't say it at all.”

KNOCK IT OFF, DEAN.

“Bobby belonged to all of us, Dean – not just you and Sam. Now, I'm just taking what he showed me and trying do something with it. That's all!”

It’s nice to see Garth stand up for himself. It certainly shut Dean up.

Grudges are the connection.

Bobby’s journal holds the answer: spectre.

The Confederate Unknown Soldier.

“See, the idea was, they took a faceless, nameless soldier they couldn't identify, and they buried him here to commemorate all the soldiers who died.”

“Did you learn that in college?”

“Nope – Civil War re-enactments. Once a year, every year. Don't hate.”

I hope Garth’s still doing what he loves.

Love that sass.

Sam finds the string. That’s an important clue.

“Why open it up if you're not gonna take anything?” Oh, but they did.

“Sure. We won.”

LMAAOOOO I LOVE THAT

Scott’s having an asthma attack. Deputy goes to get the inhaler...gets possessed by the spectre.

RIP Sheriff. Killed by Deputy Doug

Did Scott even get his inhaler?

Our next lead: Karl.

Dean’s on Karl, Sam and Garth have research.

“Hey, uh, Sam. If you ever need to talk, I just want to let you know that I'm here. About anything – you know, life, uh, Dean, you.” Garth’s a sweetheart.

Flashback.

“Hey. Uh, just lock up when you leave. I'm late.”

“Wait, what?”

Amelia’s probably got work, don’t worry about it, Sam.

“I know I said a lot of things last night, and I know I can't ask you to forget them. But just... Do.” And then she’s back on her bullshit.

“Because I don't need your pity. I don't need you looking at me the way they all – like that.” Is it me or is she confusing pity with sympathy?

“Hey, ump. You remember me? I stole second!”

“Karl? What the hell are you doing? Why are you doing –”

“Why am I gonna make mustard from your brain stem?! I don't know. Why did you call me out, ump?”

OF ALL THE THINGS TO HOLD A DAMN GRUDGE ABOUT

A theory on who the Confederate Unknown Soldier is.

“Corporal Collins of the Union shot and killed his brother, Vance, who fought for the Confederacy. Local boys.”

“Legend has it that Vance swore vengeance on his brother with his dying breath. Years later – consumed by guilt, no doubt – the corporal dug his brother up where he'd buried him on the battlefield and brought him home.” 

UH, DID HE HAVE TO SMELL HIM LIKE THAT?

There’s the spectre’s object: a penny.

W E L P

Three Days Ago. 

“Fell on Black Days” by Soundgarden. I always wondered what the song was, I always enjoyed it.

I love the montage of how the coin got passed around.

“Well, let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits.” Let’s not.

“Yeah, I might have lied, but I never once betrayed you.” Uh, Amy. 

“I never once left you to die.”  Ok, can’t argue with that.

Garth putting his life on the line. 

“Come on, Dean. You do not want to kill your brother. You – you've been protecting him your whole life. Don't stop now.”

“He left me to rot in Purgatory!”

“All right. All right. Maybe he did. I don't know. I wasn't there. But I'm sure he had his reasons.”

“Just like you had your reasons for Benny.”

“Who?”

LMAO

“Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you've ever been! That's right. Cas let me down. You let me down. The only person that hasn't let me down is Benny.” Oof, that’s gonna stick with Sam.

“Goodbye, Sam.” :(

NICELY DONE, GARTH!

“How come that penny didn't jack you like everyone else? I mean, I can understand why it didn't affect the kid who took it. He's young and innocent. But, uh, everyone at some point in their life feels like they've been screwed.”

“Not me, man. I let all that stuff go with the help of my yogi, my Sega Genesis. And you should, too. You can't change the past, amigo.”

Garth’s a damn saint.

“Now, there's something I want to say to you. Stop being a idjit! With Bobby dead, you and Sam are all each other has. And that's not so bad, man. Now, you know what's coming next, right?”

Garth hug! Garth hug! Garth hug!

Ringtone #3: “U Can’t Touch This” by M.C Hammer.

“Yo, Lamar. What do we got? Wendigo? You got a flare gun? No? What about a flame thrower?  Then you'd better get some sneakers, buddy, 'cause you're gonna have to run.”

I love Garth.

Why couldn’t we have ended the episode there?

“I don't pity you. Okay? I don't. You and I – we're a lot of things, but we're not to be pitied.” True.

God, how much was she drinking?

The start of their relationship.

“You and I both know you didn't need that penny to say those things.” True. Dean will reiterate that Benny’s the best friend he ever had in a later episode, completely on his own will.

“Own up to your crap, Dean. I told you from the jump where I was coming from, why I didn't look for you. But you? You had secrets. You had Benny. And you got on your high and mighty, and you've been kicking me ever since you got back. But that's over. So move on, or I will.”

Again, I won’t argue with Sam. Dean should’ve told Sam about Benny from the jump (maybe then Sam wouldn’t hate Benny so much). Dean does deflect from talking about his own past year but bringing up Sam’s. It’s been happening for months and Sam’s sick of it. I get it.

“You know what? Hear this, too. I just might be that hunter that runs into Benny one day and ices him.”

And there^ is where I draw the line. The first half was understandable but that^? I think that’s Sam’s rather pathetic attempt to say something that’s gonna hurt Dean’s feelings the way his own feelings were hurt. Like, Sam...don’t embarrass yourself.

[terracottasunrise]

My Life’s Playlist

Alright so this is a weird one. I’m going to break form for a minute and do something sorta fun (yup only 20% misery here a new low). Granted this is coming around because I created a playlist and then suddenly felt the urge to defend every song on it to the person it was made for. Then like most things said fuck it no one reads this anyway and this is easier than sending a massive text of “this is why I picked this, and this is why I picked this” ect. So yeah this is less for the world and more for the one person this was made for. However I’m an open book so fuck it may as well let the world see this soul expressed in music, at least in the year of 2021. No particular order by the way, just going to hit play and write as songs pop up and explain what they mean to me.

It’s Alright by Mother Mother-

It was between this and “Bottom is a Rock”. But I got to be honest “It’s Alright” is such a good representation of what I need to hear when I’m going through mental spiral. Cause when I spiral it’s a rough thing, a problem with writing everything I feel is I remember it so much more vividly after putting it on paper. So when I start getting into that mindset I basically go through a mental slideshow of my failures bringing up every reason why I wasn’t good enough a lot of times reaching back years to find ammunition against myself. This song eases that a bit. Just that helpful reminder “You’re alright, you’re ok.”

Dear McCracken by Bug Hunter-

This is one of those awkward love songs that I love so much. A guy looking for love watching someone else losing it. The thing resonates with me on a personal level is I have 100% been that person sitting in an airport or on a plane/train writing trying to craft a way to express something. I can only think of how many people read some truly depressing shit over my shoulder without me knowing. The line “There’s a heart balanced on how her words are perceived.” Gets me every time. Because that’s my medium and that for sure is the truth.

Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery-

This song. This song serves as a perfect reflection of the months leading after a heartbreak. It’s every relationship ending, every hopeful romance lost, every failure. But it’s real, and there is that twang in the music that is sad but bouncy at the same time. It makes me think of every time I’ve had a relationship end and that anxiety of being alone and desire to just drown it. It’s looking at the past and future at one point or another, love lost or love found and lost.

Peanut Butter Waffles by Ryan Caraveo-

I’ll be honest this is the only song I know from Ryan Caraveo. But it reflects my place in life almost perfectly. A guy who takes too much about how he feels, a guy who tries not to disappoint anyone. Someone who revels in verbal admiration because he’s not used to it. A guy that had to grow up way too fast and is unable to figure out how to cope with the world and is just finally trying to find some of that childhood joy. A few lines in this song hit me in the feels“I can hear my thoughts clear”  just makes me think, I never don’t have something going. I can’t handle silence, as soon as I do I start thinking and overthinking I need that left brain distraction to keep me happy.  It feels like in the last 10 years I have never had time to relax, and then when I did I was literally “Making life decisions in the time it took to brush my teeth” yeah this is me. A guy trying to find his home, a place to belong and someone to belong to.

Would That I by Hozier-

When I first heard this song I listened to it on repeat. I want to say for days but let’s be honest it was hours but it gave me everything I ever wanted for the melancholy mood I was in. It reminds me of probably my biggest heartbreak and how I stopped letting it define me and judging everyone off that one person. For years I was hung up and miserable and convinced that I was never going to find someone and wouldn’t let myself. Now god forbid if someone is good to me because her kindness will consume my wooden heart like a flame to tinder. It’s the idea that for me infatuation is a fire that will consume me and I need to embrace that side of myself. I stopped looking back because “That’s not tonight”

Typical Story by Hobo Johnson-

I hated this song when I first heard. But something about the beat just works to get me riled up and fired up. I think the main reason I came around was because the lyrics just make me think of myself and that little voice I’m at war with that constantly tells me to bail and give up but the song gets me mad at myself for thinking that way. I will not be the Typical Story.

Hell and You by Amigo and the Devil-

This is one of those songs that I like but I flip it every time I hear it because it makes me think a bit too much about who I am when I am deep in a relationship. It’s a song about utter loyalty, especially that line “I’d crawl in bed with you, even on someone else’s blood, on top of someone else’s love” saying that no matter who else falls in love with him, or sacrifices themselves for him, he will always fall asleep alongside his lover. That feeling, of caring so much nothing else matters besides the one you care for, is a terribly wonderful feeling.

Blood in the Cut by K.Flay-

I’ve always liked this song, even before I was living the gender swapped version of it. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it’s that self-deprecation and really the need for noise that gets me singing it. I don’t like the quiet. I need some form of simulation something that distracts my left brain and lets the right brain run rampart. If I can’t distract myself I start freaking out and over analyzing, which is a character flaw to be sure but it’s real. Even when I go to sleep I run something to keep my brain distracted otherwise I lay in bed overthinking everything. Guess the teachers were right when they said I had an over-active imagination.

Fast Talk by Dawn Golden, Houses-

I grew up in the country, just let’s get that straight real quick. But this song, it reminds me of another on this list. Especially when I go home. Things are just simpler. This is probably one of the more well-known  songs on this list but it’s about appreciating the simple things. Seeing the threads of fate in the little things that could have worked out so much worse. I can think of many times where I should have gotten in more trouble than I did and this song reminds me of that. No many how many breaks I don’t catch, I’ve caught a few.

  Firebreather by Macklemore-

Most famous person on this list for sure but this song is not as well known. I love this song. This is my pump up song. The song that makes me feel invincible. Had to throw it on here because it would be a lie to not mention that before big things, this song gets played. With that said the, the chorus and that beat are really what gin me up. The buildup gets me ramped up and ready to tackle whatever gets thrown at me.

No Home by New Vega-

This is the mentality. “you are always alone and you want to go home” This past year this whole pandemic life has made me just alone. All the time. Just living out of a hotel, no one checking up on me no one caring about how I am, just me fighting to find purpose. Trying to find some sort of relatable person. That’s why I got a cat. That little shit is a pain in the ass but the most comforting provider of serotonin I’ve had in years. Love ya Cataban

Cannonball By Watsky-

Watsky gets two, but this is a great song…. Not really a song more of a word jam that captures that feeling of starting to fall in in a kind of love that you know heals something in you a little bit. Late love, when you get past the heart happy bullshit and hit the real shit and are just still somehow happy because you have each other. It’s that idea of forgiving yourself and your situation because you are with someone that makes all the nonsense worth it.

Sloppy seconds by Watsky-

This is so real to me. In a world of music and stories where everyone is perfect and wonderful this song celebrates the perfection of imperfection. Nothing exquisite has been born out of anything but tragedy. I’ve made the mistake of dating someone that never had a day of adversity in her life and let me tell you, not my kinda person. I fall for people that have some baggage. You have to. If you don’t it means you haven’t done anything.

Disaster Hearts by I Fight Dragons-

Definitely was one of those songs that I just sat down and said yeah, at this age we all have disaster hearts. We all figure shit out and say we won’t be hurt again and then guess what it happens again. That calloused muscle that has been rebuilt to survive nuclear fallout is completely susceptible to the infatuation of one person. No construction of wall or barrier will stop it. But disaster is necessary it molds you.

The Mask by Matt Maeson-

This is one hits me close to my heart every time I hear it. It’s something we all do to an extent, blocking out the emotions that hurt so much and just crafting a mask that make everyone think things are going alright. Crafting that mask of mirth and nonchalance that makes everyone think you are ok. In my case my mask is my writing. I write things out and never look back. “I settle my grievance by crafting a mask”

 Oh My Dear Lord by The Unlikely Candidates

Life in the fast lane. Man this was me for years. “I was a good guy, but I was the worst type/ Give me an inch man, and I’ll take a mile” That was me. Fuck still is me. It’s a self-destructive advancement I can’t get away from. I found myself in the last few years not even climbing the ladder, just getting recognized and successfully driving my life forward, and it’s like getting whiplash finding that all that success is not at all what I wanted. I’m over my head.

Castle on the hill by Ed Sherran-

Well sorry Macklemore, Ed Sherran might be the most famous, even more than Fast Talk this reminds me of home. Every time I drive home this is the song that plays in my head. The images of a bunch of children with a thirty of beer sitting on a hill watching fireworks on the 4th of july. Damn there was such an innocence back then. That bit on the tail end where he lists what happens to everyone, that’s almost a one for one snapshot of my childhood friends. I don’t know how I was the one to make it out. But I did. Kicking and clawing but here I am.

Tubthumping by Chumbawumba-

Very little to be said but in any soul discussing playlist Tubthumping needs to be involved. Every conflict in my life. Don’t know how I pull it off but I stand up every time.

Wait for it-by Leslie Odom Jr. Hamilton

I had to pick something from Hamilton. This song… It’s the bad guy. It’s Burr. The play paints him as such a relatable character. And the line that fucking line. “Love doesn’t discriminate, it takes and it takes and it takes” Yup. I wish I could choose who I fall for. I would be such a happier person. But I can’t I fall for the complicated, the unreturning the ambivalent. That’s who I will love. It’s a sick disease the likes I would never wish on a single person.

As the Rush Comes by Motorcycle-

Chills, every time I hear this song. It’s hard to capture the feeling this invokes. It’s the wanderer, the scoundrel, the Romani in me. Drifting through life loving and moving through life as if I was water diffusing through gravel. It’s a song that illicit highs and lows in my body and I would love to just lay next to a bass speaker listening to it on repeat.

[schirdotblog]

The best games I played in 2018

That's what these lists really are, right? Just a list of the best things you played in a year.

I've been keeping track of what I've been playing, and it looks like I played somewhere in the vicinity of 215 games in 2018. I didn't finish most of the games I played, for obvious reasons, but I want to go over some of the better ones I played last year.

I think crowning any one game as being the best of the year is kind of dumb, and limiting it to just 10 means ignoring a lot of stuff that was equally good. I’m just going to talk about a bunch of games I liked in no particular order, and I hope that’s alright.

WHOLEHEARTED RECOMMENDATIONS

WEST OF LOATHING

Two years running now, West of Loathing remains one of the best games out there. It's the king of comedy in games. The jokes are masterfully crafted and there's more options to approach situations than just about anything else on the market that's even slightly worth checking out. I mean, they're so committed to the jokes that they're selling the game for $11.00 instead of $10.99 just because of a running gag (11 dollars? That's absurd. It's not even funny!).

I wish I had more to say about West of Loathing since it's the game I spent the second-most time on in 2018, but it's the sort of comedy where the jokes rely on the particulars of the phrasing and it sounds lame if you describe the jokes in any way other than the way they're told in the game. It's very experiential.

I'm looking forward to the West of Loathing DLC that should be coming out relatively soon. I think that Jick said that that's mostly finished on the most recent Podcast of Loathing.

Go play West of Loathing if you haven't already. It's quite possibly my favorite game of 2017 and 2018.

EVERBLUE 2

I really wish Everblue would get a remaster or a rerelease. It's so good. I mean, it's rough around the edges, but it's a really solid 'chill out and explore' sort of game. I think that the games press of today is a bit less stupid than the games press of 2002, and gamers today would have an easier time understanding what Everblue's trying to do.

Everblue 2 is a diving game where you hunt ruins for treasure, take pictures of fish, and help out villagers in a small town while competing against a big diving organization. If the game were made today by different people, there'd probably be a lot more cinematography and/or visual novel-esque cutaways. There's not, and a bit more art and making the characters bigger on screen probably would've helped sell the story bits and gotten people to feel more emotional than the relatively small characters and understated text boxes.

But, as it is, I think that lack of cinematography and overdramatization helps to give the game a really understated aesthetic. It's like the game's saying "look, just go diving and appreciate the ocean. Human drama's relatively small in the grand scheme of things, and what really matters is finding something you love and pursuing it aggressively." I mean, it feels a little bit off to navigate through the town. The town's done in a relatively static point-and-click sort of style. Moving a cursor around with an analogue stick feels a little bit off and makes me wish I was back in the diving section. And that's the point. The ocean is vast and huge and wonderful, in the game's eyes, and if you're playing as a diver then you'd want to just get back in the ocean ASAP. All the characters are small on the screen to help communicate how small and less-than-relevant all the drama is to the main character. Everyone else in the scene is going off about how "oh no, the evil corporation bribed one of the Amigos to get ahead of you in finding the treasure" but there's no cinematography to any of it so the feeling you get is just like "Yeah, but they suck at diving and I'm obviously going to get there before they do." You'll feel that way because it's a video game, but since the character's a preternaturally gifted diver, I'd believe that the character feels that way as well, even though they don't talk much.

Everblue 2 was surprisingly good, and I really enjoyed my time with it.

TETRIS EFFECT

Apparently there are people writing off Tetris Effect because it's Tetris. That's really weird to me because Tetris Effect is really good Tetris. I mean, I played a few different versions of Tetris in 2018 and Tetris Effect is by far the standout among them. If there's ever been a case for the value of sound engineers being closely involved with the design process, it's probably Tetris Effect. The subtle animation touches, the dynamic aleatoric music, the particle effects that are overblown but not in the mobile game way -- all of it mixes together to create one of the best versions of Tetris out there.

SEGA AGES: PHANTASY STAR

There's something about Phantasy Star that gets me. Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic because Phantasy Star was one of the first RPGs I ever tried, but I feel like there's something that Phantasy Star 1 has that no other RPG I've ever played has ever quite captured. Maybe it's the sci-fi setting. Maybe it's the way that the game moves from top-down overworld movement into first-person dungeon-crawling. Maybe it's just that I really, really like the melody playing on the title screen. Maybe it's the fact that the game is fairly serious for an anime game, with the main character being a noble driven by revenge instead of a high school student being driven by the will of the plot.

Phantasy Star feels like a traditional sort of pulpy sci-fi adventure novel, and I think that's what really strikes me about it. RPGs don't really ever try to tell a straight-laced traditional sci-fi adventure, especially turn-based JRPGs. They didn't back then and still don't now. I mean, just trying to think of other RPGs that do the traditional sci-fi thing -- spaceships, interstellar travel, laser guns, robots -- off-hand, I can think of KOTOR, Mass Effect, Cosmic Star Heroine, Star Ocean, Ar Nosurge uh, maybe System Shock? A Blurred Line? Trials in Tainted Space? It's kind of slim pickings. And that's weird, isn't it? I mean, if we're trying to think of generic medieval fantasy titles, we can go and list off Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest, Dragon's Dogma, Ni no Kuni, Kingdoms of Amalur, Baldur's Gate, Icewind Dale, Kingdom Come: Deliverance, Age of Decadence, Pillars of Eternity, The Witcher, and so on before needing to reach into the bottom of the barrel for RPG Maker games and porn. It's like everyone writing sci-fi just kind of went "spaceships are lame, let's go do Shadowrun instead", and that's a shame because there's so much room to explore when you have literally the whole universe to work off of.

Genre trappings aside, I think the way that Phantasy Star transitions between top-down and first-person is really interesting at a gameplay level. Top-down exploration, at least at the time, would've evoked lighthearted romps like Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest, while the first-person dungeon-crawling would've made people feel a bit uncomfortable, since it's so claustrophobic and disorienting, evoking memories of more hardcore games like Wizardry, where traps were commonplace and the difficulty was insane. The contrast between the lighthearted and the deathly serious still comes through, even as this particular rerelease has gone and added automatic mapping and an easy mode that rebalances the game to be more accessible to modern design sensibilities. I could go and be all snide about the easy mode, but the whinging about easy modes is tiresome and the dick-waving around hard modes and difficulty and authenticity in games is dumb. The easy mode cuts out a lot of the grindy bullshit and makes it so that you can finish the game in a reasonable amount of time. It might be a little bit against the original spirit of the design, but it makes the game more enjoyable, and that's an acceptable tradeoff.

I really wish that Phantasy Star were its own genre of games, with new people experimenting with the mechanics every couple of years. Like, when you remember that the only other games that are structured in the same way as Phantasy Star are the NES and SNES Megaten games, right down to being able to talk with the monsters and having a first-person view of the item shopkeeper, you can start to see the edges of one of the most fascinating genres that games never explored. Top-down overworld into first-person dungeon-crawler turn-based RPGs with conversation mechanics has so much room to explore, and it's just intrinsically really gritty and cool. I wish more people would explore it. ... Goddammit, I'm going to have to make it myself, aren't I? I guess I'll go bash my head against that later.

Anyway, Phantasy Star is really great, and honestly one-of-a-kind. The spark of creativity that led to the first Phantasy Star game shines bright, even as the series has fallen off the map.

OCCUPY WHITE WALLS

Occupy White Walls is one of the most distilled social games I've ever run across. The goal of the game is to build an art gallery. Put up a couple of walls, go buy some classical art from the art that's loaded into the game's database, place it on the walls, open your art gallery, and wait to buy more art. The only things to do while you're waiting to get more money to expand your gallery and get more art are fussing around with the art placement, talking to people in the chatroom, and visiting other people's galleries. The fact that there's not some monetization scheme to speed up the timers makes me think that the point of the game is honestly and sincerely to get more people to appreciate fine art. The people in the chatroom are pretty reasonable, as online chatrooms go. Everyone has their own style of organizing their galleries, and their own taste in art. That's interesting to see, and it's honestly just a nice little game.

The game's in Early Access, so this is all subject to change. The game might add microtransactions or ads in a later update, and if they do then just ignore everything I've said.

SLAP CITY

I've been a big fan of Ludosity for a good few years now, and a fan of their cofounder Daniel Remar for even longer. The guys at Ludosity have been improving at making games for a while, -- I think Ittle Dew was the turning point where their output started becoming pretty consistently good -- and Slap City is the point where people have finally started to take notice.

Slap City is a platform fighter in the mold of Super Smash Brothers. Where other games in the genre tried to focus on elements like 'big franchise characters' (Playstation All Stars) or 'the technical fighting of Melee' (Rivals of Aether, Icons: Combat Arena), Slap City focuses on the silly party aspect of Smash, and the part where characters who normally don't fight are given a bigger moveset to fight with everyone else. Slap City captures the essence of what makes platform fighters fun, adds its own twists, and has clearly seen a lot of success because of it. I'm very happy that Ludosity's finally getting the credit and acclaim that they've deserved for years.

VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 4

Valkyria Chronicles 4 is, at present, the best game in the Valkyria series. I was really hesitant to buy this one after the absolute disaster that was Valkyria Revolution, but was pleasantly surprised to find that not only was it not a dumpster fire, it was actually pretty good!

Valkyria Chronicles 4 doesn't do anything especially grand by the standards of the series, but it's refined a lot of the rougher parts of VC1 and goes through a lot of the same ideas. Essentially, it's just Valkyria Chronicles 1 again, but way more polished at the gameplay level and with different characters at a different place at a different point in time. Frankly, that's what the series needed, and I'm going to be really interested to see where they go with Valkyria Chronicles 5. VC4 establishes Valkyria Chronicles as an anthology series, has really started polishing the core mechanics, and the designers are getting better at crafting levels with these systems. If Valkyria Chronicles 5 continues along this path and the designers are given more creative leeway to explore war from a different part of the army, we'll have a genuine classic on our hands.

Valkyria Chronicles 4 wipes the slate clean for the series, but does so in the way that soft reboots ought to. That is, it panders to the existing fans by sticking to the core ideas that made the original good and polishing them. It establishes its own identity, and is worthwhile in its own right, and doesn't lean on the original for a cheap sell. It's a really good game, though they need to distill the experience a bit further for it to be a truly great game.

SUPER CLOUDBUILT

I don't have that much to say about Super Cloudbuilt, but it's still the best 3D platformer out there if you can get past the initial learning curve and avoid the Defiance levels like the plague. I think the designers have learned from some of the weaker parts of their design and I'm really looking forward to seeing what Coilworks does with Sky Tracers. Guys, please buy Sky Tracers when it's released. The guys at Coilworks are getting really good at making 3D platformers but nobody's buying their games. Please buy their games so that they can keep making the best 3D parkour-platformers out there.

GRADIENT ADDICTION I don't know what primordial creative ooze this game came out of, but it’s absolutely delightful. There's a sheer joy of creation underpinning this game that's really hard to dislike.

GLOGWILLETTE Everything I said about Gradient Addiction applies here.

VAMPIRE THE MASQUERADE: BLOODLINES Everyone was comparing Vampyr to Bloodlines and it's really difficult to see why they were doing that. I mean, yeah they're both vampire games but Bloodlines is really good and Vampyr is really bad.

Bloodlines is a game that's edgy in the sense that the word was used back around the time of its release. It's incisive. It's biting. It's cutting. They doubled down on the mid-2000s goth aesthetic, and it permeates this game. That's good, because the goth aesthetic absolutely rules.

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines has a lot of charm to it. The writing's excellent and the gameplay feels pretty good. It's one of those classics that everyone's heard about, so I'll spare you any more words about it.

Ni no Kuni 2 The United States gets nuked and the President is transported to a fantasy world where a young king is about to get overthrown. He caps a few fantasy assassins with his pistol and decides to help the young king conquer the world.

Ni no Kuni 2 is absolutely delightful, go play it.

LESS WHOLEHEARTED RECOMMENDATIONS, BUT STILL REALLY NEAT

XENOBLADE 2: TORNA THE GOLDEN COUNTRY This is going to be the cult classic of the Xenoblade series, I can feel it in my bones. I didn't play much of Torna because I was burnt out on Xenoblade 2's systems after playing 110 hours of Xenoblade 2 and seeing the writing just getting stupider and stupider and the game not ending.

Torna the Golden Country is a prequel to Xenoblade 2. From what little of it I've seen in ten hours, it looks to be focused on all the most interesting characters of Xenoblade 2 at a more interesting point in the game's history. It's not really my thing right now, but I feel like I'm seeing a lot of the elements that people who are a bit more forgiving in their entertainment consumption than I am tend to really love. There's something here, but it's buried. The quality of writing seems much higher than in Xenoblade 2 and we've got a better protagonist than Rex in Laura and the character designs are much more grounded than the main game, and everyone's got clear motivations. These are the sorts of things you see in cult classics.

It's probably relevant to note that, while Torna the Golden Country is described as an expansion pack, it is standalone. You do not need to own Xenoblade 2 to play Torna the Golden Country. I bring this up because the marketing was really unclear on this.

I should really play more of this one.

CROSS CODE It's absolutely delightful, but I don't have much else to say about it. Starts dragging around the 14 hour mark.

YAKUZA (6, Kiwami, Kiwami 2) The Yakuza games are genuinely pretty great, but none of the ones that came out in 2018 really hit home for me. I'd recommend them to people in a heartbeat if they've never tried 'em before, but I don't have anything much to say about the ones that came out this year.

LABYRINTH OF REFRAIN: COVEN OF DUSK NIS put the cool bits of Hundred Knight's aesthetic into a game that doesn't suck ass.

MARY SKELTER: NIGHTMARES It's been like 8 months since I've played this and I don't remember much but I remember that the art style's neat and that it's one of Compile Heart's better dungeon crawlers. Need to get back around to this one.

GO VACATION An absolutely delightful family party game. The minigames are pretty decent and all the different vehicles makes traveling around the resorts reasonably interesting. I get strong MySims vibes off of this, and the MySims games were great.

There's something delightfully video-gamey about the way that you can initiate a cutscene with an NPC by pressing the A button while your car's hurtling towards them at 60 miles an hour.

B+, would recommend.

ALL OF THE KATAMARI GAMES We heart Katamari.

GAMES THAT EVERYONE ELSE REALLY LIKES THAT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED OUT OF OBLIGATION BECAUSE OF THEIR UBIQUITY

CELESTE Celeste is a neat little platformer that's kind of hollow and empty. It's technically competent and fun enough, but kinda bland. It's easy to recommend, but hard to find anything much to say about it. It's alright, but I don't really understand why it won the indie game lottery this year.

ASSASSIN'S CREED ODYSSEY god I just don't care about assassin's creed

RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2 I haven't liked any of the other Rockstar games I've played and see no reason to play this one. Looking forward to the games industry unionizing so that Rockstar and other major studios stop exploiting their employees.

INTO THE BREACH I'm not into roguelites and this one hasn't changed my mind.

HOLLOW KNIGHT Hollow Knight's got a really neat art style and feels pretty good to play, but the Metroid and Souls styles are getting extremely tiresome.

THE MISSING: J.J. MACFIELD AND THE ISLAND OF DREAMS Didn't quite grab me.

VAMPYR Sucks! har har i did a pun

THE MESSENGER I mean yeah it's a ninja platformer. Seems competent enough, plays fine, has decent melodies.

BLOODSTAINED: CURSE OF THE MOON It's neat, but didn't quite grab me.

GOD OF WAR (2018) I don't want to play God of War.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN I'm burned out on superheroes.

SUPER SMASH BROS ULTIMATE It's fine, and I like it more than Smash 4, but it's missing the creative excitement of Brawl and 64 and Melee.

MONSTER HUNTER WORLD I played it to the start of the high ranks and I still don't get it. It’s fine.

SOUTH PARK: THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE It's competently made and probably worth a look, but kind of a step down from Stick of Truth.

SUBNAUTICA Really good, but I didn't see much reason to continue after I'd gotten the big submarine. Just kind of fell off of it.

RETURN OF THE OBRA DINN Haven't gotten around to it yet.

OCTOPATH TRAVELER it's a really bland jrpg that does nothing new and nothing exceptionally well. h’aanit sucks and her speech quirk drives me up the wall.

DRAGON QUEST XI it's a really bland jrpg that does nothing new and nothing exceptionally well. does not take any creative risks. dragon quest 5 remains the only really good dragon quest title.

POKEMON LET'S GO eh.

MARIO TENNIS ACES It's fine.

PATO BOX It's really neat. I should play more of it one of these days.

DELTARUNE CHAPTER 1 Toby Fox remains quite good at making video games.

BEAT SABER It's good.

SPLATOON 2 OCTOLING EXPANSION in the splatfest, the octolings had black shirts and the inklings had white shirts

the octolings are trapped and the only way out is to ride a train under the city. the octolings are on an underground railroad, as it were HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

FORTNITE haven’t played it.

[automatismoateo]

Lost my best friend because of Christianity. Just want to get this part of my life off my chest. via /r/atheism

Submitted November 10, 2017 at 06:09PM by Life123456 (Via reddit http://ift.tt/2i1z6Yg) Lost my best friend because of Christianity. Just want to get this part of my life off my chest.

My former best friend and his now wife (who was also a close friend) just got married. He asked me to be his best man this time last year, but after everything we went through I barely had the strength to show up to the wedding.

I'm 25, I've been Agnostic for as long as I can remember and I remain Agnostic even after deep diving into Christianity this past year. What a year it has been. I was sort of a loner in high-school and in college. My last year of college however I commuted myself to making friends, and it became one of the greatest years of my life because not only did I meet and make many new friends, I met someone who would become my best friend. He and I decided we wanted to be roommates about two years ago. We got along great! We always had conversations about life, spirituality, and always came to the conclusion together that it is who you are that matters...Your character, not your creed. I was so happy. Then he got a girlfriend, who he fell head over heals for, only there was a big compromise to be made for their relationship. Monica had been a Christian all her life, and told Nick that in order for them to be together long term he would need to be born again in the name of Jesus.

So Nick started going to church with her. At first, nothing seemed to change all that much. Nick's values still reminded me of why he was my best friend. The more he and Monica talked about the bible, their experiences at church, the people they were meeting, the more I became interested in giving it a chance. So then I started going to church with them last summer. How could it hurt, maybe I would find a new perspective.

The services were unlike anything I remembered from my early childhood Catholic upbringing. The sermon started with about 20 minutes of loud worship music. Most of the songs were about how 'worthless' we are and that we deserve sin, but Jesus is King and saved us but we're still worthless' Okay... But the 30 minute sermon delivered by the Pastor was usually very good. Opened up my eyes to some things- but the general premise was always the same, Sunday after Sunday...'You are a sinner- we are all sinners, but we are going to Heaven because Jesus died for our sins. BUT, you are only saved if you believe in Jesus, and that the bible is the literal word of God otherwise you are damned to hell'

This is where things go slightly downhill. Just beneath the warm, loving surface, most people were extremely intolerant and judgemental. ESPECIALLY my friend and his girlfriend. My friend and I began to have far too many religious talks (no longer spiritual, religious) where he would insist the bible 'must' be true, despite the fact that you literally have to forgo logic and reason to arrive at that conclusion. He used to agree when I would say "Listen- we all have our believes, but at the end of the day none of us KNOW. Just be a good person" But then he began saying he did know that he was right. Being a good person doesn't 'save' you, you have to believe in him etc. Things were beginning to get very frustrating.

Around this time, I was also attending a bible study with them thinking I might learn more about the history and symbolic meaning of the text. NOPE. The time was spent with everyone trying to convince each other (and themselves) that the bible is God's word. This made me the most uneasy out of everything, as the bible study had a cult-ish feel to it. I remember a particular time when a woman was talking about how she destroyed a statue of Buddha in her basement with a bat because she thought it was displeasing to God. Everyone in the room congratulated her with a job well done. Meanwhile, my mouth was left agape at how backwards and barbaric that act was.

Witnessing the psychology behind it was fascinating. People spoke at the bible study not really to share, but to get acceptance from other humans. My friend for instance, would not listen to what people were saying but think about what he wanted to say, what would sound good. And then he would come up with something, and keep raising his hand until he got an opportunity. Then while he was saying whatever it was, would have a huge smile on his face, and then he'd blush after he was done and look around the room for approval. It wasn't just him, it was everybody that behaved like that. Misfits that just want love and acceptance.

One night after bible study, Monica came home to our appartment with us and started celebrating the fact that she converted me and I'm now a follower of Christ. I was very afraid to tell the truth at this point, because I felt like if I didn't become a Christian my friends wouldn't love me the same (I was right). But at the time I was naiive and believed Nick would always be my 'brother' best friend' etc. so I told the truth, that while I believe a God may exist I still firmly believed the Bible was a man-mad concoction. She ended up telling me I was going to go to hell if I don't believe, no matter how good of a person I think I am. We had a 2 hour talk about it, and my best friend remained silent throughout most until the end when he began siding with her "If you actually believed in JESUS, then you would be a real CHRISTian... JESUS says this in verse bla bla" That was hard. I cried a lot that night. The next day, when it was just he and I, he said he didn't believe I was going to hell, that he'd be a horrible friend if he thought that. That made me feel much better, but he couldn't say that with her there?

The intolerance, inability to accept, refusal to listen to reason, and fright of leaving their Christian bubble just got worse. Monica stopped talking to me, Nick said I was right that she is purposefully withdrawing from me as a friend but wouldn't tell me why. I can only assume it's because I still have a slight ability to keep Nick out of the Christian bubble, and because she wasn't able to get me to abandon what makes me me at my core as she did with him.

Soon after, Nick tells me we can't be roommates because I'm not Christian enough...He needs to find someone he can pray with all day, not just before meals, and read the bible with constantly. It's all an ego thing... "I believe in this, so I MUST be right, those who don't agree with me are lesser". It's how wars start, it is what is wrong with the world. I was devastated but still foolishly tried to believe I was his best friend.

We were fighting a lot. But things finally got bettered when he apologized, and said his judgement of me was not 'Christ-Like' but that he still didn't want tot renew the lease. Whatever I thought, it sucks but atleast we'd still have eachother in our lives. We decided to spend a 'bro' day together the next day after work...This was the end. On our way back from the gym, he decided he missed Monica (Even though he saw her every day) and made plans to hang out with her that night. I was really hurt because he knew I was in a vulnrable place with all of the religious stuff and he was being such a shitty friend. He felt really bad and said it was a stupid move, that he was sorry and he felt like a dick. I said it's allright. Before he left we bought tickets for the three of us to go visit Nicks family in CA, something we were planning for months.

He goes to see Monica...He avoids me the next day...Two days later he said he felt very uncomfortable with the trip, that he wants to cancel and is moving out immediately. Because according to him and Monica, I manipulated him into buying the plane tickets. Even though it was HIS idea, and HE was the one who kept saying things like "I can't wait to see your face when you see the redwood forest, I can't wait to show you this restaurant, etc. etc." I don't remember ever feeling that level of pain in my life. I drove to my moms and sobbed like I hadn't since my brother died. We had so many good times together. We never feared to tell the other what they meant to us, "You're my best friend" "I love you" "You're the brother I never had". We had the deepest conversations, we knew everything about eachother. It was the most fulfilling friendship I've ever experienced. And he just walked out of my life.

He's tried to apologize since, but it will never be like it used to be. He uses words to say the right thing, but he never means this. His words are bullshit, it's his actions that show his true intentions. If he really was sorry, and really wanted to rectify things he would have asked me to be in his wedding party. I got shivers going to his wedding, because the whole thing was held in that culty church. It was really hard not being in the wedding, even though in hindsight I realize he's a shitty person and my life is better off without him. But my current best friend (who is not religious) was his best man (another long story, but the three of us were like the three amigos). That was hard, I really wanted to be a part of that like he asked me to be.

That is my experience with Christianity. It has left me very bitter towards religion. It has taken my best friend and my roommate away. It has devastated me. I will no longer be going to church, but I will continue to live as I always have, believing that you should do unto others as you would have others do unto you. The Christians I've met have all seemed to miss that part.

TL;DR -Submerged myself in a Christian church with best friend and his new, always Christian gf this past year. I don't believe bible was divinely inspired. She does, so by association he does, which has lead to the downfall of our friendship because of her inability to accept people for who they are, and his insecurity of losing her.

[maevegan-blog1]

SO.

I'm maeve. I'm a college student from Massachusetts and I'm making this blog solely for the purpose of tracking my life as I begin a new year attempting to make some changes. Maevegan is for me-- I literally don't expect anyone to read/care about/enjoy this blog like, at all. BUT I'm super in need of a fresh start and an outlet and don't necessarily want to use my personal blog to do so thus here's this new blog with a crappy name and another password to remember and 100% potential to get abandoned out of disinterest within a week. So that's that. ANYWAY. I'm the kind of person with an extremely malleable personality. I know this about myself. I morph into a product of my environment, usually in the form of a readily available love interest, that becomes my boyfriend and I immediately change who I am to be who HE is and then I ride that wave for a while, get bored with it, and move onto the next phase of my life. In the process I always cut ties and burn bridges and hurt feelings because I'm awful at pretty much being a human and like, all that comes with it. I don't really know, but regardless I'm gunna try and like use this blog as a way to stay honest with myself and keep my thoughts straight and my life as on-track as it can possibly get. Which, isn't very. There's a lot of shit that goes on in my head on a daily basis and it's pretty fucking psycho if we're being honest so, I'm sure my whole life's story will come out on here eventually but for now, I'm not going to go back in time much, just start from where I am. Recently, I made a big change in my relationship situation/ friend group/ life that has been super great at times but also bothers me pretty damn deeply at others. My new love interest situation is fucking weird, my old one was I king weird, and everything that surrounds the transition from one to the other is fucking weird. I feel like I try to go with my gut decision-wise but my gut DEAD ASS changes its own fucking mind so who knows. Regardless, I'm pretty lost in the sauce of wtf am I ever doing in life and thus decided to try and ***cliche alert lol I hate myself*** FIND MYSELF (ha) in order to sort out the pile of bullshit that is my life. So. The other day I read an article about Carrie Underwoods "practical vegan" diet and decided what the fuck why not give it a try. Like, I already prefer veggie burgers and soy patties to meat ones, only use soy in my coffee, have a sensitivity to cream and heavy dairy, and enjoy the tastes and textures of plant-based foods. I'm not picky in the least, so that part works for me. My current (?) boy is like a crossfit freakshow and he's like hot af and I'm l i t e r a l l y a potato so I figured I need to figure that the fuck out. Not that this is about him because it's not, but realistically I just need to get not fat. I ordered this fucking cute ass almost-thong bathing suit the other day in my size from american eagle, and I fuck you not, I literally look like a SAUSAGE in it. It's way too small. Way. I'm using this fucking bathing suit as motivation to not be a fat fuck and therefore this whole veganism thing was born. So, I'm doing it. I definitely already cheated today by having a quesadilla at lunch (BUT I WAS HUNG TITTIES AND STILL DRUNK SO I NEEDED IT) and had 3 pieces of fish at dinner but we're calling this a speed bump. Also, definitely fucking texted my ex boyfriend at the bar last night and cried over my roommates still being his best fucking amigos but that's besides the point. I'm going vegan for myself so that I can DO SOMETHING for myself for fuuuuuucking once in my life. And honestly, I like it. I'm excited to have this blog as a place to put my scatterbrained thoughts and to start this lifestyle and just see where independent thinking takes me. Realistically as I post in the future the pieces of my puzzle of a story will fall into place but for now, know this. I want to get skinny and healthy and be someone my family and friends can admire as a beautiful fit healthy bombshell of a human I want to fucking not fail out of college (OT is a shit major lemme tell u this) I want to sort out my feelings between where I've been, where I am, where I'm going, what I want, and who I love. I just want to be able to really facilitate some self-growth here and have a place to call my own and really think independently. Regardless of where this blog goes I'm excited to just do something without judgement or outside influences. I want to finally turn into someone that I love and someone with a true identity. I'm so sick of being so malleable. Anyway, until I start my posts, that was a fun scatterbrained vent sesh.