#i only have nails to keep myself from anxiously picking at the skin of my fingers. doesn’t always stop me but they help

[dozydawn]

diamonds (#120) from the sally hansen diamond strength® line: under normal light & flash.

my favorite nail polish in the whole world, been wearing it off & on for around 10 years now. my gran also wore it back in the day, part of the reason i like it so much.

[klausysworld]

Could you do a one shot based on bored from billie eilish, where Y/n leaves Klaus in the end and he realizes the mistakes he made, leaving and cheating on her

Never Enough

Ah

Ah

The games you played were never fun (mm)

You'd say you'd stay but then you'd run (ah)

———————————————————————

Klaus Mikaelson isn’t an easy man to love.

He pushes me away at every chance he gets.

But as soon as I would leave him be then he was back at my door, chasing my attention.

It took far too long to get used to his games. That’s all love is to him, a game. Feelings are toys and so are people, entertainment for him to thrive upon.

And even after I had realised it, I couldn’t stop myself from loving him.

So, somehow every empty promise he gave me, I believed him. Or maybe I just wanted to believe him and that was enough.

But it got to the point where it was just too much to bypass.

———————————————————————

Givin' you what you're beggin' for

Givin' you what you say I need

I don't want any settled scores

I just want you to set me free

Givin' you what you're beggin' for

Givin' you what you say I need

Say I need

———————————————————————

And yet, even when I knew he had been with another women, when he had treated me as though I were nothing but an object for his pleasure, I found myself apologising to him.

“You know that I love you, I’ve always been there for you. I would never do this to you” I yelled but he only looked angrier

“You love me? You barely look at me! We don’t talk, we don’t touch! We have nothing worth my time!” He bellowed

“I try to” I whispered and he sighed, his hands running down his face

“You have it in your head that I’m doing all of these things, I have been here every step of the way through your incisive whining! You’re sensitivity and your insecurities! I have been right here but I am tired of picking you up, it’s pathetic, it’s boring.” He shouted, his finger pointing at me as he took menacing steps toward me and I followed suit and rushed backwards. His hand came down harshly beside my head against the wall making my body flinch away from the loud noise of impact. I anxiously looked up to him and nodded

“I’m sorry” I whispered “I’ll be better” But he only shook his head, his hand grabbed my jaw forcing me to keep my eyes on his

“There’s no point in this anymore, you don’t want it” he mumbled

“Of course I want this, I love you. Klaus please don’t leave me, not again, please. Please Klaus it’s cruel to do this, just tell me what you want me to do. You know I’d do anything for you” I pleaded, tears running down my face as I held the wrist of the hand on my face.

“Anything?” He questioned

“Anything at all”

———————————————————————

I'm not afraid anymore

What makes you sure you're all I need?

Forget about it

When you walk out the door and leave me torn

You're teachin' me to live without it

———————————————————————

And I truly did everything I could to have him love me even the slightest bit. For him to want me even if it was just for my body. Because I loved him so ridiculously much that it didn’t matter to me if I was just a toy to him, I’d rather it be him than anybody else.

And after a while, the fear was gone.

The screaming matches were just part of the game.

I could hold up my own and fight back at him, rile him up and push him over the edge.

The only thing that still hurt was when he left.

The echo of the door slamming shut rings through my head all of the time.

My knees gave out the second the door closed. I collapsed down to the floor, tears flowing down to the ground despite no sound leaving my lips. My nails pierced through the skin of my arms as I held onto myself. I hated everything about this. It always ended like this, I always ended up just that much more pathetic.

I hated the shell of who I was. Who I am now.

———————————————————————

Bored

I'm so bored

I'm so bored

So bored

———————————————————————

Sitting at him waiting for him for hours was just torture. I knew exactly where he was.

Who’s body his hands were all over.

Who’s mouth was on his.

Who’s bed he was breaking.

But I remained in his bed, waiting for him. Whether it was for him to yell at me and throw things or to just lay beside me and slowly, reluctantly put an arm around me.

He didn’t want anything to do with me anymore but I couldn’t find it within me to let him go.

———————————————————————

I'm home alone, you're God-knows-where (mm)

I hope you don't think that shit's fair (ah)

———————————————————————

“Fair!? You want to talk about what’s fair Klaus? It is not fair that you get to go and fuck whoever you want and then come back and torture me for breathing the wrong fucking air!” I screamed

“If you knew what I was doing then why the hell are you still here? Get out! I don’t want you anymore!”

———————————————————————

Givin' you all you want and more

Givin' you every piece of me

I don't want love I can't afford

I just want you to love for free

Can't you see that I'm gettin' bored?

Givin' you every piece of me

Piece of me

———————————————————————

But once again when I left like he said, well there he was back in my room of my new apartment.

“Shh love, you know neither of us meant that. You know that I love you and I know you love me too.” He murmured while wrapping both arms around me, his chin on too my head.

“I have nothing left to give you” I whispered looking into his chest. “You shouldn’t have come back” I mumbled “please leave”

“We’re destined to be together. You’re all I need, you just have to give me your love, it’s all I could ever want” he countered

“Then why wasn’t I ever enough?” I questioned sadly

“You’ve never truly allowed me to own your heart, I needed it”

“And sleeping with other girls gave you that?” I laughed breathlessly and pressed my forehead to his shoulder

“They made it easier to push you away. But I know that you’re what I truly desire, you’re exactly what I need. I want to marry you.”

“Please don’t lie to me”

“Why would I lie? What do I have to loose?” He asked. I shut my eyes in mental turmoil, was he saying he was nothing without me or that I was nothing?

I think I knew it was the latter but ai just refused to let it be true in my mind.

———————————————————————

I'm not afraid anymore

What makes you sure you're all I need?

Forget about it

When you walk out the door and leave me torn

You're teachin' me to live without it

———————————————————————

It didn’t even hurt when I saw him in our bed with another random blonde.

His head turned to me with that stupid expression on his face before he hurried to follow me down the stairs

“Love!” He called as I reached the front door “y/n, sweetheart, please” he murmured grabbing my shoulder so I would face him. “Forgive me my love, I-“

“It’s fine Klaus” I muttered tiredly and he frowned

“What?” He whispered confusion evident on his face as he took a step closer, only boxers on his body and he was clearly still hard, apparently his blondes weren’t as fulfilling as he had hoped.

“I don’t care anymore Klaus, really it’s fine. Just do whatever you want but for the love of God please just don’t do if in the bed I sleep beside you in” I sighed and he grabbed my hand

“You aren’t upset? Or mad? You aren’t yelling…” he listed with a ludicrous look on his face

“You need to wash your hands” I mumbled with a grimace and he quickly retracted them

“You should be shouting at me” he told me and my brows furrowed

“You want me to yell at you?”

“Don’t you care?”

“Not anymore”

———————————————————————

Bored

I'm so bored

I'm so bored

So bored

———————————————————————

Klaus wasn’t expecting her to sound so tired. So done with everything.

He didn’t really believe she would leave properly.

But when he received a letter in the mail the next day requesting he leave he be, he knew he’d finally pushed her over the edge.

The sick truth was that Klaus enjoyed taking her live and destroying it. He enjoyed hurting her in a way that only he would be able to. He was a sadistic being who after years on being labelled a monster, finally embraced it.

———————————————————————

Givin' you what you're beggin' for

Givin' you what you say I need

I don't want any settled scores

I just want you to set me free

Givin' you what you're beggin' for

Givin' you what you say I need

Say I need

———————————————————————

But sat alone in his room, nobody to hold when he felt empty, he realised she was actually an important person in his life.

Despite all the girls he had, none of them seemed to give him anything.

As much as he craved emotionless sex, he found that when the women also had no care towards him, it wasn’t what he wanted.

Y/n looked at him like he was everything she had ever wanted. She touched him like he were the most desirable thing on the planet. Her hands were soft and she wanted to please him, she always made it about him, she told him how good he made her feel and how much she loved him.

He missed how she would sit with him in his art room with her crisps and soda while comments on the colours he chose and complimented his composition choices.

He missed her annoying laugh and sleepy smile.

He missed the state of her hair when she first woke up, the way she would struggle against him and refuse his kisses because she had ‘morning breath’.

He missed her cooking and baking, the way she made his coffee and the shitty shows she had him watch.

He missed their arguments, he missed her tears. He missed how she would fall back into his arms and prove to him that her love for him was true.

He missed her.

———————————————————————

I'm not afraid anymore

What makes you sure you're all I need?

Forget about it

And when you walk out the door and leave me torn

You're teachin' me to live without it

———————————————————————

Calling her phone got him nowhere, his voicemails were never answered.

His witches couldn’t locate her.

All he had left of her was the memory of the empty look in her eyes as she left him.

The clothes in his drawer that she didn’t grab when she rushed away.

The clothes he held to his face each night to help him fall asleep.

The pillow he hugged to his chest to remind him of her.

But it wasn’t her.

He would never have her again.

———————————————————————

[grumpybunny-edith]

Edith Tries To Get Her Hormones (Chapter 1)

“That’s a joke, right?” I asked, eyeing the number on the register anxiously. My wallet had never felt lighter in my pocket than looking at the price I was being asked to pay for my Lagomorphine. 

“$326 is the price,” said the pharmacist. 

“Could you at least —”

“Run it through your insurance? Did that already,” she said offhandedly, pushing her glasses up and looking down at the computer away from me. The silence between us did its best to hold out against the kitschy music of the pharmacy. An old man sat in a chair near the register; I heard him arguing with them when I walked in, and he was now just waiting on his prescription as he poked at his phone. He kept looking up at me, his eyes falling on the ears and tail I can’t hide, not caring to look away when I caught him. 

“Why isn’t it covered? It was before,” I asked, punching the panic in my voice down. 

“The system said this administration method isn’t covered,” she said, tapping at a key on her keyboard boredly. “If you were taking the pill version, it’d be fine. Injections can also be covered to a point.”

For the first month and a half of my treatment I noticed almost no changes. I had to increase my dose to accommodate it, but that dose would’ve shot my liver, so we did injections. I got as far as halfway through doing one myself when I found out that was definitely, a thousand percent not gonna work for me. So, patches have been literally the only way for me to take the dose I need. As the fur started growing on my upper legs I’ve had to shave a little rectangle to stick them to. 

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “Why’d they suddenly stop covering it?” 

The pharmacist just shrugged. “If you have questions, take it up with your insurance company.” 

I heard footsteps across the pharmacy, the tiny shink of things being pulled off the walls, the sliding noises of boxes moving off of metal shelves. I felt the shadow of someone behind me, my heart kicking itself into gear in case I need to make a break for it. The sliding doors and the little bing of the bell when somebody entered them cut through it all once every handful of seconds. The whole place felt alive with movement, people getting exactly what they needed while I stayed right where I was, rotting. When the pharmacist spoke again it came with the tick of her nails against the contact paper desk and a frustrated bite of her incisors.

“Will that be cash or card today?” 

I sigh. “Lemme check.” I already knew cash was off the table, so I pulled my phone from my back pocket to check my bank account. This was less to see how much I had and more to look like I was at all interested in or capable of paying that much. In doing so, the question was staring me in the face; do I keep my money so I have a place to live, or do I spend it so I have a reason to? 

“Sir, there are other people in line,” said the pharmacist, sounding unhelpful. I wanted to clap back with something like “yeah, I can see that”, but I was a gross combination of scared and embarrassed that made me want to leave as quickly as I possibly could. 

I stomped my foot. It was involuntary, but in the way of ‘I felt my body want to do this and decided not to stop it’. The old man in the chair beside me smirked; it was like I could hear the skin on his face contorting. 

“Guess I’ll talk to my insurance company,” I said. I could spare the dollar for an Arizona on the way out.

The summer sun burns straight through my clothes. Dressing for the season, in theory, isn't hard; there’s just something about going to pick up my drugs that makes me want to hide as much of myself as I can. Sure, the fur on my thighs and butt make wearing jeans in this heat excruciating, but it’s better than letting everyone see how well the drugs have been working. I considered wearing a beanie too, something I could fit my ears under, but I was worried they’d catch fire under all that heat. And I like how they look, or whatever, now that fur had grown on their ends.

I walked out to my bike, throwing my black denim jacket off my shoulders and into my backpack. I hoped I’d feel some kind of breeze on the patches of fur on my shoulders, but when the wind blew it was with sickening humid heat. I pulled off my mask, desperate to stop sweating into it so much, and let the small bit of fur around my nose feel the gross air. 

“No fucking clue what happens next,” I whined to myself, not cognizant of other people in the parking lot. My phone buzzed as I got on my bike.

pink-lightning: Hey everyone. Embarrassing thing — I took my shot early this week, and I can feel my heat starting early. I know we made the schedule for this weekend already, but is anyone gonna be available tomorrow morning? 

I was supposed to be with Ashley that weekend. I had no other reason I couldn’t show up — no job meant my schedule was pretty open. 

raeraebun: oof, sorry! im working in the morning :(( good luck and i hope it goes ok

thebuildingisonfire: I can’t come either. I had to pick up the morning tomorrow bc my trainer is getting a tattoo that afternoon 

wen-kutesuli: School ✊😔 Also I don’t know if I have the capacity for that right now anyway

pink-lightning: That’s totally okay, please don’t feel like you have to force yourself. Literally ever. 

I didn’t have to. Hell, Ashley probably wouldn’t want me to have said what I did if I didn’t want to. And it’s not like I didn’t want to. I didn’t know how I was going to manage without the libido, but I’d figure it out.

grumpybunny-edith: I can! Just lmk when

---

Prev - Next

This story is a spinoff of the series Gwen's Bunny HRT. To learn more about the setting and characters, check my pinned post here!

[just-a-domesticated-cryptid]

Some people deserve cruelty.

I deserve cruelty because I am human.

I am petty and vindictive and I can hold a grudge better than I can hold myself together. I kept my mouth shut when I should have talked. I held back apologies and “I love yous” and “Goodbyes”. My arms are full with unspoken words I can’t give anymore.

I talked when I shouldn’t have, gave away too much. I spend my time chasing the words I let go off too soon, but I can never catch them. It’s too late, I’m too slow, my arms are too full.

I contain untamed rage between my ribcage. It claws my chest, but I cannot let it go. I fear myself too much.

I am passive, a bystander to my own life. I stand on the side, anxiously moving my ring from one finger to another, I bite my nails until they bleed, I look away. I have terror flowing through my veins instead of blood, the kind that suffocates you in the middle of the night. I hold regrets and pieces of my past so tightly to my chest, that I can’t breathe.

The only undeniable parts of myself are my fear and my will for revenge, and I am afraid to let them go because what am I without them? Just a shell for other people to complete, a vase filled with fake colourful sand? A mirror that reflects the people I love. I pick up spare mannerisms and I keep them in my back pocket with all my extra change for the vending machine. I collect them the way I collect flowers and can tabs. For no real reason, just for purpose.

I’m sorry I loved and forgave all the wrong people until I was left with wounds I am still trying to mend. Sometimes, when I lay awake in the middle of the night and the house is quiet, my heart aches and bleed onto my pillow. I bleach it quietly in the morning, I scrub it until I bleed and my skin cracks, but a shadow of the pain I felt will always stain the covers.

I deserve cruelty because I am my mother. I like to pretend I am different, I carry her looks but not her personality, but that’s a lie. I laugh like her, I sit like her, I hate myself the way she hates herself. She made me out of her rib and dirt from her mother’s garden, in her image. I deserve cruelty and sorrow because she deserves to suffer, and I am her the same way she is me. I am afraid that I might love the same way she loves.

Bitterly. Conditionally.

I’m sorry, and I say that a lot, but it’s my fault for what I carry today, it’s my fault I bleed and cry.

I opened up the Bible once on accident and what I remember is reading to not make promises you can’t keep. But I will promise myself to let go off some of my past, some of my grudges, some of the people I loved even though I shouldn’t have. Not everything.

Just enough to breathe.

[hereforhalstead]

Hungry Eyes

*Gif not mine, credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader 18+

• Requested: Yeeeess by my bestie @halsteadlover who always sets the bar so high and provided me with this.

reader's friend that come to visit her and Jay is jealous but nobody knows about their relationship so he can't even say anything about it and then he corners Reader when they r alone and shows her who she belongs to iykyk kwnejekwnsked i know this is a shitty idea but whit ur writing bestie it'd be ✨ chef's kiss ✨’i

• Warnings: swearing/Daddy kink/smut references

• Summary: Jay gets jealous after an old friend turns up at the district to ask you out for lunch and reminds you who you belong to.

• Words: 4218

• A/N :lysm you’re the best but pls don’t come after me if this disappoints hahah Enjoy🤭

***

You woke up with that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you didn’t like, instantly feeling sick with nerves for no explanation. You tried to start your morning as best and to routine as you could to try and push out the thoughts but nothing worked. 

You made your way into the kitchen to grab some ice out of the freezer for your drink, you found yourself gazing out of the window being transfixed on cars going by. You flinched as you felt a squeeze on your sides, you looked over your shoulder to see Jay’s mischievous smile grinning back at you, a sight that would always put your mind to rest but on this day it wasn’t doing the trick. 

He softly pulled on the round neck of your tshirt, exposing your shoulder to which he placed a light kiss to your skin “Everything alright?” he questioned, still stood behind you as you filled your glass. You nodded in response but you both knew this wasn’t enough for him, you span to exit the kitchen but he stood his ground to block your path.

“You wanna trying lying to me again?” he probed, gently outlining the side of you face with his fingers. You pressed your lips into his cheek but he still wouldn’t budge “Jay, I’m fine” you attempted to reassure but he simply gave a light chuckle in response.

 “Baby, you know I call out people who lie for a job. Right?” You lean your head forward onto his chest and huff “Just one of those days” you mumble into his shirt and he tuts “And you couldn’t tell me that because?”.

You look up at him and roll your eyes “Because doofus, now you’ll be watching my every move when you need to be focusing on yourself” You push your finger into his chest as you speak, he flicks his eyes down onto your hand and then back up to your worried expression “We’ll be fine. Always are, I know how to look out for both of us” he leans in to place a chaste kiss to your lips but you still feel that sinking feeling wasn’t going anywhere fast.

 “How do you always know what to do to make me feel better?” you tease, trying your best to ignore the wave of anxiousness overwhelming your body “It’s just as much of my job as it is to be a detective” he proudly replies and you can’t stop the smile creeping on your face “Smooth” you compliment, earning another toothy grin from your boyfriend 

“Come on you, the quicker we get out of here the quicker we get home”. He slings an arm round your shoulder before stopping to pick up the drink you had previously poured yourself as he calmly reassures “Don’t worry about it. Everything’s gonna be fine”

***

As normal, Jay drops you off in his truck a few roads away from the district. You’d both decided it was best to keep your relationship between yourselves for the time being as god knows word spreads fast within Chicago and Voight would be less than impressed to say the least. 

Seeing how he reacted to Kim and Adam served as a warning of how harsh he can be and implement punishments for the smallest of things. He often eyes the pair of you so you have an inclining he’s caught on but as far as you’re aware you’d gotten away with it so far which seemed a miracle. There’d been a few close encounters, you and Jay getting carried away in the evidence room, one acting out when the other is in danger or the most popular one being when either one of you is hit on and you can’t say a word. 

Jay found this the hardest as Voight encouraged you to use your charm and sarcastic character on suspects, often helping to break their barriers and admit things they didn’t know they were admitting. This came at a cost, you openly flirting with another man in the interview room was now a regular occurrence and to Jay’s dismay he was often sat right by your side as you did so. 

Most of the time you had fun with this as it never took much to get Jay jealous, a simple double take at you had him aggravated within seconds so for you to have taken on the role as ‘Intelligence flirt’ did not sit well with him. You’d considered having words with Voight about it, expressing how it made you uncomfortable but as much as sometimes you didn’t like it, it did often lead to success so you had to put your dignity to one side and do the job at hand. 

It was another one of those days where you were called into the interview room as soon as you walked up the stairs, Jay handing you a paper file as he passes your desk. Just like every morning, acting like you hadn’t been in bed together just a few hours earlier or traipsing round his apartment in nothing but his T-shirt.

“He’s just your type” Kim calls out to you, smirk beaming from her face “and how do you know what my type is?” you sarcastically respond, eyebrow cocked in confidence “Believe me, I know what your type is” she is quick to reply, already back focusing on a pile of paperwork sat in front of her. You narrow your eyes at her and then cast your eyes over to Jay who is still enthralled by the thought of you.

“Will you just get in there and do you thing. We need to nail this bastard” Voight’s rough voice echos out, hurrying you to hang your coat up on the way to the interview room “Good luck” Jay announces with an amused tone “I think you’re the one who needs the luck” you hit back. He bores his eyes down to you as he leans forward to open the door with one hand and allowing you to enter the room first. 

The suspect immediately slumps back in his chair as you slam the thick paper file onto the desk “Think you better sit up and pay attention sunshine, I haven’t got all day” you jest, Jay remaining stern in the seat next to you as he’s ready to play good cop bad cop. “Oh I can tell I’m gonna like you already” his eyes roam about your body but Jay is quick to harshly click in front of the mans face to distract him “Eyes up here big man”. 

You conceal your laugher, not even 2 seconds in and Jay’s pissed off “Why don’t you let her do the talking pretty boy” the suspect flirts and you scoff “You’re already looking at 25 years in jail if you don’t start talking so we’ll get started if you don’t mind” you open the file in efforts to break eye contact with the suspect but Jay was still showing a disgruntled stare over the table “I’m all yours”. 

***

Safe to say the interview didn’t get much better, no matter how much you leaned into him, he wasn’t saying a word. Forcing you to try and go above and beyond with the flirting technique but still nothing. You marched back into the office with Jay, him stuck at your side but staying silent when usually there would be some form of sarcastic comment but today there was nothing.

 “How could you say he was my type, are you blind? He was about 50 with half a mouth of teeth and I can’t imagine the last time he showered” you call out to Kim who laughs “My idea of fun” she contests, handing you a cup of coffee “Hilarious” you comment under your breath as she returns to her desk next to you. 

You were still reeling from the interview, annoyed at yourself for not getting him to break so you could charge him with more but by the sounds of it, it wasn’t his first offence so knew how to play the game and also play you. You scanned the pages in front of you, head in your hands as you sat propped with your elbows on the desk “He was just a dick who knows how to work the system, don’t let it get to you” Jay speaks as he leans on the desk next to you. 

You huff and sink into your chair “Surprised you’re talking to me” you joke as Jay shrugs “Gotta do what you gotta do” he calmly admits, complete change of attitude to his normal tense and quiet self after these interviews but you still knew him well enough to know he was bluffing “Now who’s the one lying” you raise your eyebrows at him with a slight smirk across your face.

He leans down to you to speak but you hear Trudy clear her throat from behind him “Y/N, you got someone down here for you” she bitterly announces, you both turn to look at her as she spins to head back down the stairs “Did they give a name, or?” you ask after her but as per usual she was hardly in a mood to converse “Do I look like a receptionist? No” she tuts “Was cute though” you’re taken back as she adds her little comment and disappears back down the stairs. 

“Well, best get myself down to this hottie then” you stand from your seat, ensuring you graze yourself along Jay as you pass “Don’t wanna keep him waiting” you quietly add so only he can hear. 

He keeps his arms folded in front of his chest and watches you intently as you walk off, feeling his eyes burn into your back as you follow Trudy’s path down to the main area. Slight grin as you enjoyed winding Jay up and as much as he didn’t want to admit it he also got a kick out of it. 

Him watching you think you have the dominance in the relationship truly amused him, all while knowing he could have you pinned up against a wall and struggling to find words within seconds frequently crossed his mind as he sat watching you work opposite him. 

**

You got to the bottom of the stairs only to be met by an empty room, you look over to Trudy who is aimlessly scrolling on the computer and walk over to her desk “Where is he then?” you ask but get no response, instead she simply looks over your shoulder to the room next to the main doors. 

She glimpses back over to you before returning to her work “Always so helpful Trudy, what would I do without you” you mock, tapping the desk before turning to see who had asked after you.

You didn’t even have a chance to get yourself together before he was stood in front of you, your best friend from college who you hadn’t seen in years was stood before you and Trudy was right, he was looking just as cute as he did the last time you see him all those years ago. “There she is! The hot shot detective” he exclaims before engulfing you in his arms. 

It took you by surprise so took you a few seconds before you could grasp what was happening “Kyle? What are you doing here?” you pull back, leaving his arm still resting on your hip as he towered over you “My folks moved to Chicago a few weeks ago so thought I would come visit. Then remembered you worked here so made it all the more easier for me to take the trip” he happily admits as you nudge his shoulder “Still the flirt I see” you tilt you head and he nods “Can’t help it when it comes to you”. 

You come to your senses that you’re still stood in the middle of the open space at the district, Trudy without a doubt ogling at you from her desk and silently judging with her scowl and condescending manner. 

You take a quick sweep of the area to see if anyone else is around but it was just the two of you which made the silence even more awkward. As much as you wanted nothing more than to catch up with Kyle, this was hardly the ideal scenario as you could basically hear a pin drop and knew Trudy was listening in on every word. 

You check your watch and note it was nearly 1pm which led you to the perfect excuse of leaving “Wanna grab some lunch?” he questions to which you quickly agree “Let me just grab my stuff and we can go”.

Just as you turn to head back upstairs you hear Trudy call out from behind you “Chuckles, get Y/N’s bags for her will you. She's being whisked off for lunch on a hot date” whilst still facing away you subtly shake your head and huff “I’m gonna kill her” you joke, Kyle awkwardly laughs along with you which doesn’t help with the glare Jay was sending in your direction. 

“Thanks but I can get them myself, thanks though” you grimace to Trudy as you pass her desk “Won’t be long” you call back to Kyle who takes a seat on the chairs “Just text me if you need a moment before we go!” Jay shoots him a lingering glare, you nudge his shoulder to pull him from his trance with the aggravated scorn to Kyle.

 You place your hand onto the scanner and feel Jay breathing down your neck from how close he is stood behind you “So you’ve got a hot date?” he whispers, so quiet that you’re sure no one else heard “Don’t start” you warn as the door buzzes and loosens to allow you to open it.

“Don’t know what you mean” Jay innocently responds, still hot on your trail as you make your way up “Jay, your jealousy is showing” you tease with a hint of smugness in your voice “I don’t get jealous baby” he takes you off guard with the pet name but you try your best to act unfazed “A lot of lying going on today, isn’t there?”. 

You make your way over to your desk and rummage around in the drawers looking for the purse your usually leave in there with a few bank cards and loose change. “Who’s the hunk then Y/N?” Hailey asks from her desk on the other side of the room “It’s her boyfriend” Jay answers before you even have a chance to respond. You continue looking through your desk, rolling your eyes at his comment but grateful no one can see as you look down.

“He’s a friend from college” you correct him, shooting him a glare to which he sneers. “And he’s taking you to lunch? Lucky you” Kim adds, earning a less than impressed glance from Adam “I’m right here you know” he mocks and you laugh to yourself of the irony of Adam getting jealous when you knew Jay was sat there reeling and no one knew. 

“Wait, isn’t Kyle the one who-?” Kim starts but you widen your eyes her to give her the message to stop “The one who?” Kevin probes, aware that now everyone was in on this would only add to Jay’s annoyance “He wa-” Hailey speaks up “Uh” you interrupt, admiring the joy she had flashed across her face. Adam pats Kevin on the shoulder as he passes “Girl code bro, we’ll never find out”. 

“I didn’t know I was running a gossip circle? Back to it” Voight demands from the doorframe of his office. The team turn back to their work as you give up looking for your purse and decide to head to the lockers to see if you left it in there earlier in the week. 

Once in the hall, alone you run your fingertips over the creases in your forehead. Partly in trying to remember where you last had your purse but also wishing Kyle hadn’t come to the district or atleast gave you some forewarning that we was in town. 

That soon explains the reason for your gut feeling this morning that something wasn’t going to go right, although you were slightly relieved as it wasn’t half as bad as you expected when you first woke up and felt the anxiety swirling in your stomach but still wasn’t ideal. 

You leant your head against your locker before taking a deep breath, anyone would think you were being overdramatic but with the interview the morning where you had truly pushed yourself with the flirting already leaving Jay on the back foot this was not what you had in mind for the rest of the day. 

Normally, a quiet afternoon with the odd doting look and occasional private moment between the pair of you had you back in his good books but that was clearly out of the window and now with this he was just feeling worse. 

You searched in your locker but still no sign, you pulled out your phone to text Kyle and was shocked you still had his number after all these years. You clicked away on your phone before a presence in front of you makes you flinch. 

You look up to see Jay leaning with one arm on the locker and the other holding your purse “You can text your boyfriend to say your other boyfriend found your purse” he dangles the purse in front of you but snatches it back when you go to grab it “Jay, leave it alone” you taunt but he simply drops your purse on the bench behind you with a swift motion and turns to head out. 

Slightly shocked you don’t get more of a reaction out of him leaves you wanting more, a twisted affect he had on you when he left you craving him if he didn’t give you what you wanted.

“You don’t want me to introduce the pair of you then?” you call out, causing him to stop in his tracks on route to the door. You heart instantly picks up as you know you’ve got him “Do what you want” he spits out, still with his back to you. You make your way over to him and run your fingertip up and down his spine, causing him to shiver under your touch.

 “Someone in a mood?” you innocently ask, knowing full well what you’re letting yourself in for but using it as more motivation to keep going. He hangs his head in laughter and takes a moment before he inhales through his flared nostrils, even facing away from you you can see the bitter look on his face as he bites the inside of his lip in frustration. 

“Why don’t you just go and have a nice little lunch with your boyfriend and we’ll speak about this at home later” his calmness still confuses you and didn’t satisfy your craving and as much as you knew you shouldn’t provoke him you can’t help but continue to do so.

“You don’t Atleast want to know who he is? You could be letting me go to lunch with a murderer for all you know” you joke but he is not amused, not in the slightest. He deeply huffs which, to his frustration you know is a good sign you were getting what you wanted “No Y/N. I don’t want to know who the fuck he is” he finally bursts, turning in his spot and now staring down on you.

“I don’t give a shit who he is, I don’t give a shit what you’ve done together” the way his chest rises and falls in his passion truly awakes something within you and you no longer care how quick you feel overpowered by him.

“That’s not very kind” you respond, innocent tone paired with your eyelashes fluttering as you look up at Jay’s rage filled face.

“Kind? I don’t care about kind when it comes to other men flirting with my girl, baby” he starts taking steps towards you, forcing you to walk back under his demand. 

Your back soon hits the bank of lockers with a thud, his eyes filled his hunger as he rests his arm to the side of your head and leans into you “He was only my first fuck, no big deal” you mumble but his spiteful chuckle tells you he heard it loud and clear, slightly regretting your honesty when you’re truly under his thumb and not getting out of his hold anytime soon.

“Say that again” he taunts, hand gripped onto your waist and getting tighter with each heavy breath. You don’t say a word as you know nothing will help what you’ve just said, he leaves it a moment before he continues. 

“No?” He questions as you remain standing in silence, you shake your head to see the exasperation flashing across his face. “Why did you even tell me that?” He further asks and in all honesty you begin to question that yourself, you just knew it would be the worst thing you could admit and therefore it had to be done.

“Oh, I know why” he drops his head as he smiles to himself, hand running along his jawline as a smug smile makes its way onto his face. Not a second later his attention is back on you with the hunger in his eyes that you now desperately longed for.

“You want me to remind the name that I know you’re wishing you could moan right now” he teases as he pushes himself onto you further “straight up against these lockers, with my hand over your mouth to quieten them desperate pleas”. His eyes search your face for any form of resistance as he darts his knee inbetween your legs to separate them “Tell me I’m wrong baby?”.

You feel your body melt under his slightest touch, his words making you crumble into his grasp on you. With your mind no longer on Kyle or the fact you were at your place of work with the chance of getting caught at any moment “Your team just on the other side of that wall not having a single clue what’s going on”. He was clearly enjoying this as much as you were, his lips finding their way to your collarbone and lightly nipping at the skin.

“My girl wants me to fuck her so hard that she can’t even walk out of this room without me helping her” he proceeds to run his lips along your jawline, leaving lingering kisses as he goes “Not so mouthy now, hm?” He grasps at your hip to straighten you from your slumped position, feeling your legs turn to jelly as you yearn for his dominant touch “Use your words, baby”.

He catches you off guard with a deep and hungry kiss as his lips crash into yours, using his hand on the small of your back to steady you as you stumble from the sudden harshness. As you leaned into his desires, you wanted to use the tiniest bit of power you have left to well and truly push him over the edge. Something you knew that would have you playing this moment over in your head for weeks on end, him falling at your mercy and pushing him over the edge “Yes daddy”.

His eyes widen, something he had only heard you say a few times in the past but only after being encouraged at the height of passion and never on your own accord. The fingers digging into your hips told you all you needed to know, whether he liked to admit it, you’d won this hands down.

You run your to tongue over your bottom lip, now slightly swollen from the rough contact. His eyes follow your movement, the darkness in his eyes turning more intense as every second went by “oh baby” he chuckled, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist to lift you up and secure yourself to him with your legs wrapped round him and your back pushed up against the lockers “you have no idea what you’ve just let yourself in for”.

****

Inbox and requests always open👀 am working through my current requests and one will be up in a few days💃🏼

[themidnight-ghost]

Play me another

One of the very few cases where V is thankful for the ex-rocker in her head.

V suppressed a scream as she fucked up her finger placement for the 100th time. Ever since they’d broken into Kerry’s apartment and stolen his guitar, Johnny had been set on teaching V how to play it. Unfortunately, he never predicted it would be this difficult. 

“I thought you were helping me.” 

Johnny backed away from the window; he’d given up hours ago. “I am. It’s not my fault you play the guitar like a 5-year-old.” 

“Yeah? Well, at least I’m alive enough to play the guitar.” Hyped from her ‘clever’ yet grammatically incorrect comeback, V turned to look at Johnny. She wished she didn’t. The cat-obsessed asshole was stalking Nibbles as he chased a stray crisp packet and was too distracted to register the comment. 

Noticing the sudden silence, Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose and glitched to the table, directing his attention to the merc.

“Look, just go from the top and try not to fuck it up.” V raised an eyebrow, “And if you do go wrong? Improvise.” 

Once again, V began to play, her fingers meticulously drifting up and down the fingerboard. She obviously bit her bottom lip. The usually stressed, aggravated merc was swimming in a sea of concentration. Until… 

“FUCK.” 

Her index finger slipped, and the guitar produced an unholy twang. 

“And here I was, believing lesbians had skilled fingers,” Johnny murmured. 

V scrunched her face in frustration, and Johnny couldn’t help but feel an ounce of sympathy for the girl. Sure, she was annoying, reckless and uncultured in the world of rock ‘n roll, but it was her first time picking up an instrument, and god knows she’s trying her best. Even Johnny had his fair share of tantrums, one of which involved him cracking a wall with his practice guitar. The wall came off worse. 

“Fuckin hell,” moving towards V’s side, Johnny pointed at one of the missile finger markers, “These are there for a reason. Let’s try it slow and steady. Follow my beat.” The ex-rocker rhythmically slapped his thigh, allowing V to count herself in. 

Johnny mentally cursed when he heard the door of V’s apartment side open but continued to keep the beat in hopes that V wouldn’t notice their visitor. 

The visitor in question was pleasantly surprised to see her girlfriend murmuring to herself as she plucked Johnny Silverhand’s guitar. Judy Alverez couldn’t shake how unusual it felt. Not only did V look calm, but the radio was off. V was dependent on the radio - even slept with it on as silence made her feel alone. Unlike her life, music was something V could control and something that could drown out those unwanted thoughts.

If V wasn't slowly dying, Judy would’ve thought it was cute. 

Noticing the merc's control over the strings slipping, Judy placed the box of food (which V was now reliant on) by the sofa and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s neck, humming a tune into her collarbone. The tension in V’s shoulders dissolved, and Johnny glitched into the back of her mind. 

“Hey you,” V tilted her head, allowing Judy to kiss her cheek before gesturing to the guitar, “Is this new?” 

“It’s Johnny’s. We stole it from one of his band members, and now he’s teaching me to play.” 

“It looks complicated.” The techie traced the turning keys, “I learnt the ukulele at school, but I can’t remember it having this many strings.” 

V couldn’t feel Johnny rolling his eyes, but she knew he was probably damning that statement to hell. 

“Did you learning the ukulele have anything to do with Jenni Chapman?” 

“Maybe.” Looking guilty, Judy joined her girlfriend on the sofa, “How’d you know?” 

V threw her head back in laughter and gestured to Judy’s attire, “You don’t come across as the Hawaiian ukulele type!” 

Overcome with affection, Judy launched herself at the merc, wrapping her arms around V’s torso and pushing her further onto the sofa, so she topped. 

“Well, you’re not much of a musician yourself, mi calabacita.” 

V shook her head in shame, “I bet I’m a good teacher, though.” 

Judy looked doubtful and reluctant but still shuffled up and onto her knees, granting V the chance to show off her skills. V handed Judy the guitar and fastened herself to Judy’s back like a Koala. 

“Alright, I have a song in mind which I think you’d like. You only need 5 chords, and thankfully, they all follow the same pattern.” 

“And if I don’t know the song?” 

“You’ll know the song.” V reached over Judy’s chest and took her fingers, guiding them to the correct position, “This is F#.” V moved Judy’s fingers, downwards, “And this is F#m.” 

“What’s the difference?” 

“This one is a minor key. It sounds different.” 

“The rest are relatively simple,” V guided Judy’s index finger to the 3rd string, her middle finger to the 5th string and her ring finger to the 4th string before playing all six strings in unison. “That’s the E chord.” V continued, “This is A major, and this is G major.” 

“Is that it?” 

“Pretty much. If you’re not ready to put it all together, I don’t blame you.” 

“Run it through with me slowly?” 

V nodded silently, nervous for Judy’s reaction. She crouched in front of the guitar and mimicked Johnny’s earlier movements by tapping a light beat on her thigh so Judy could follow along. It was a beginners pace but fast enough for Judy to recognise. 

“Pyramid song?” Her voice was barely a whisper. 

Unable to detect the techie’s tone, V anxiously picked at the skin surrounding her nails, “I saw your lyric tattoo when we first met, and I remember you telling me it was your favourite song because it reminds you of home and when you go diving.” Unsatisfied with silence, V continued, “I wanted to learn it anyway because it served as a reminded of our first date but figured I could teach it to you anyway because-” 

Judy cupped V’s cheeks and pulled her up to meet her lips. The kiss wasn’t forceful or desperate, just loving and appreciative. Unlike everything else in NC, it was simple: it was them. 

Judy pressed their heads together, “You’re such a gonk.” 

“But I’m your gonk.” 

__________________________

due to no one giving me the content i so desperately need, i will be making it myself. sorry if u read this shitshow.

i promise i tried xx ☁️

i haven't finished the game and I'm already writing fanfiction 😭

[kurosara]

Hongjoong x Reader

I didn’t proofread this or anything. I just wrote some middle of the night comfort I needed. 

Angst, sad

I felt my spine unconsciously shiver as yet another cool breeze fluttered heavily past me. A quick glance at my phone told me it was nearing 3 in the morning. The dim light of the screen faded, as my eyes cast back to the bare sky. It was a new moon tonight, and there weren’t many stars out either. There wasn’t anything interesting in the chilly fall weather, unless you counted the never slowing raindrops falling down my cheeks.

Why was I even crying again?

I couldn’t remember. I’d been crying that long. It hadn’t felt like it, but I’ve been sitting on the balcony of my bedroom, suffering in the chilled air, for nearly 6 hours. How long could such an overwhelming feeling last?

An eternity…

A cynical voice taunted me further with evasive thoughts similar to this. It’s dark, and lonely. I’ve whispered curses and wishes to no one. I’ve replied to… no one. Because all I could wonder was if anyone was really listening. The neatly decorated interior, fit with (f/c) furniture and various art pieces and large photos of me and my boyfriend hanging on the wall, felt eerily cruel the moment I walked in. The fleeting thought of my boyfriend stuck for a moment, like the breath hitching in my throat as I visualized his soft smile, a bit of nervousness from smiling at me for the very first time. The happy thought turned sour, the smile fading into a blank stare.

“I’ll be home late…”

The image dissipated with his words. I could barely taste the remnants of the ramen bowl I’d forced down before coming out onto the balcony. The taste was bitter and dry as I forcefully swallowed the growing lump of anxiety. My fingernails, or rather the remaining nubs since I’d chewed off all my nails earlier, felt sticky as they scratched nervously at the cold concrete I was sitting on. I could only assume it was blood from the scraping contact. The balcony’s railing taunted me similar to bars of a jail cell. But at least in prison there are other people.

But here? In this dark and lonely space I created for myself? There is no one. I’ve self-isolated. And every attempt to escape has never been followed through. If I unlocked my phone you’d see the contact pulled up where I’ve nearly called him. And before that a lengthy text that boiled down to one thing; I need you. The text was never sent of course. However, even now as I describe these feelings and sensations, I don’t feel them. They aren’t processed in my mind or my physical body. I simply sat in the corner of the balcony, knees pulled to my chest, staring into pure dark, as my body and the world continued past my racing thoughts of how this is where I should be.

I deserved to be alone.

Keys jingled in the background and it was painfully obvious the individual tried being quiet, but it wouldn’t matter. He could’ve kicked the door in screaming, and I wouldn’t budge an inch.

Hongjoong removed his shoes and hung up his coat on the nearby rack. His bag made a soft sound as he tried to gently slide it onto the couch, hoping his partner was sleeping peacefully, and trying not to disturb that. As he typically did when he ended up home this late, he trekked to the kitchen for a bottle of water to carry to bed. As he exited the kitchen, a cold breeze caught his attention.

Where’s that coming from?

Just like Hongjoong. He knew how much I hated being the slightest bit cold, so the house was always a warm temperature. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he gazed around the empty living room, noticing the cracked balcony door. Cautiously, he approached the door, peering out just the slightest bit and hoping there was no intruder lurking around.

Though he’d really hoped for that to be the case right now versus the sight he was met with.

His eyes barely made out my trembling figure in the corner, huddled against the wall. Immediately Hongjoong turned on the outdoor light and rushed to my side, carefully kneeling beside me.

“Y-y/n?” The worry was so thick in his voice, yet sweet. Like honey.

There he was. My boyfriend. Acknowledging my presence as he always does, yet I hadn’t heard a word. There was no light, though he very clearly turned one on. For a moment Hongjoong panicked. His eyes worriedly scanned my body, searching for any signs of hurt or reason for my being like this. He saw the bloody fingers and the tears still flowing. He knew what was happening, for sadly he’d seen it too many times even before they were dating. At least more times than I’d like. By now though, Hongjoong knew almost how to help. He adjusted his position to sit in front of me, his knees pulled up like mine. He touched his knees to mine, gently pulling my hands from the concrete as he rubbed soothing circles with his thumbs.

I felt the tingling of sensation from the touch, still all I saw was a never ending tunnel of darkness. Hongjoong brought my knuckles to his lips, placing gentle kisses on them before resting them onto our knees. His thumbs didn’t stop caressing the top of my hands as he simply stared into my eyes and mustered the kindest smile he could as he looked at my broken state.

“I know you probably won’t process what I’m saying right now, and that’s alright. Just focus on my voice ok?” He took a shaky breath, feeling his own tears well up, “You’ve been having a hard time lately haven’t you? I know you’ve been eating well and everything because I’ve seen it, but that doesn’t mean you’re alright. And it’s ok to not be ok. It’s not your fault.”

There was a flicker of light, like a shooting star passing across my vision. I swallowed another lump, feeling a bit of warmth from the original tingling sensation.

Hongjoong squeezed my hands, trying to urge warmth into your shivering body. Just the thought of how long you could’ve been freezing made him sick to his stomach. Nonetheless he continued to talk as calmly as he could.

“Just remember that there is someone here for you. I know you don’t always believe that, but it’s true. I am here. Right here.” A single tear rolled down his cheek unwillingly. “I’ll help you pick up the pieces you feel are broken and hold them together for you. I’ll be here to hold you steady when you’re shaking and keep you warm when you’re cold. I’m sorry I was late this time. There’s no telling how long you’ve been here.” Another tear. “But I’m here now baby. I love you.” He squeezed my hands gently once more.

Like a thread, his words formed a silver lining in the dark tunnel. My vision corrupted from pure black, to blurry shapes and images. The feeling of being frozen to my core was slowly warming in the places where his body touched mine. And finally, his beautiful, kind smile. So bright, and such a contrast to the dark space I’d been suffering in. There was a soft ringing that slowly got louder, as I realized his lips were moving. Hongjoong was speaking, yet I could only hear the ringing. Hongjoong saw the way my eyes scanned his face just the smallest bit. His smile grew a bit.

“There you are. It’s ok. Take your time.” He leaned forward, never breaking eye contact as he kissed the back of my hands lovingly.

I squeezed his hands gently, the feeling, or void of feeling, was quickly fading, and in its place a crushing weight on my throat and lungs. My chest heaved at my increased breathing pace, worrying Hongjoong as he realized the anxiety was setting in more than the previous emptiness. Without releasing my hands, he scooted to sit beside me. He let go of one hand to wrap his arm around my shoulder, leaving a gentle kiss on my temple as he whispered sweet nothings.

His voice trickled in like a small river, every other word registering before his kindness fully processed. My beating heart didn’t slow, but it became easier to breathe as I buried my head in the crook of his neck silently. He pulled me closer with one arm, resting his forehead on my hair.

“Do you want to go inside and get under the blankets?” The first full sentence I’d registered in my mind.

I absentmindedly nodded, but before I could attempt to move, Hongjoong was picking me up bridal style, careful like I was an expensive glass or diamond jewelry. Once in our shared bedroom, he placed me on the bed before tossing back the covers and tucking them around me like a child. With a reassuring smile he left the room. Although I knew where he was going, I gripped the covers tightly anxiously waiting for his return.

In a matter of minutes Hongjoong returned with two cups of hot chocolate with small marshmallows, and a pack of hershey’s kisses tucked under his arm too. He set one cup down and offered me the other, which I had to fumble from under the covers to shakily take the cup. The warm liquid felt comforting, with just a splash of caramel the way I loved it. A soft melody played as Hongjoong connected to the bluetooth speaker on the dresser, playing soft instrumentals he had been working on the days prior. Hongjoong climbed into the bed, careful of me and my drink, and opened the chocolates, feeding me one as he grabbed his own drink.

He took the drink gently from me, and pulled a small first aid kit from his pocket, beginning to tend to my wounded fingers. He tried to be as gentle as possible, though I couldn’t stop the involuntary flinching everytime there was direct contact to the broken skin. He continued mumbling soft apologies and comforting words nonetheless. Once he finished wrapping my fingers, he continued with his early motion of serving me my drink and feeding me hershey kisses.

I’m not sure how long we sat like that. Hongjoong rested his head against the headboard, one hand gently playing with strands of my hair, while the other held my own hand. Originally, he had alternated between feeding me chocolates and bringing his now cold drink to his lips. The time on Hongjoong’s phone read 5:52 am. I had long since finished my drink and passed out with my head on his shoulder sometime after 4 I think. Hongjoong hummed softly to the still playing music, like a soothing lullaby. He wanted to make sure I was fully asleep before deciding to move.

Hongjoong gently laid me on the pillow, going to turn off the lamp he’d had on and turning the music down a little more, before crawling back into bed. He cuddled me from behind, his warm chest pressed against my back as he pulled me closer to him in a tight embrace.

“Goodnight my love. Have sweet dreams. When you wake, I’ll be here. I promise. I won’t let you be lonely in the dark if I can help it. I love you. So I hope you use that love as a light. It’s not too late. So don’t give up, ok? We can do this. I love you.”

With a simple kiss to my head, he nuzzled closer, leaving me with floating thoughts.

It’s not too late. I’m not alone.

[hydra-collector]

Wrath

Ship: Platonic LAMP???? I wouldn’t really know what to call it, platonic (or romantic) Intrulogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Roman Sanders, Remus Sanders

TW: self-harm, suicidal thoughts, crying, blood and fairly visual description of injury

Words: 1542

Summary: “Shut up.”

The last word was uttered in a growl, Logan’s hands tugging at his new long sleeves in frustration. Patton didn’t hear him, Virgil gave a small glance before looking back over to Roman, and Roman was too invested in his debate with Patton to notice.

“I said, shut up.”

(In which Logan has an angry breakdown.)

~~

“Shut up.”

The last word was uttered in a growl, Logan’s hands tugging at his new long sleeves in frustration. Patton didn’t hear him, Virgil gave a small glance before looking back over to Roman, and Roman was too invested in his debate with Patton to notice.

“I said, shut up. ”

He said it louder this time, gaining the attention of the other three.

“Isn’t that kinda rude, Lo-”

“I don’t fucking care,” Logan cut Patton off. The moral side looked taken aback at his use of cursing, but didn’t say anything. Good.

“I think you’ve been plenty rude already, haven’t you, Morality?”

He refused to address Patton by his name, the cuff of his button down he was gripping cutting off the blood flow in his wrists. He straightened up, looking around at his friends.

“Do you know stupid you all sound?”

“Wow, teach-”

“Nope. None of you are allowed to say anything. I have been trying to help you for the past hour, but yet you all still refuse to listen. This problem would have been solved ages ago if you had just let me talk. You hate that, though. You hate me.”

Roman and Patton looked as if they were trying to hold back from saying something back. Logan let go of his cuff, shifting his hand so his nails could dig against his wrist. Little pricks of blood made their way out of his skin, but he didn’t dare stop.

“You all have made it very clear that you want nothing to do with me. You ignore me, interrupt me, ridicule my perfectly valid advice, villainize me for simple mistakes that I immediately fix, ignore my obvious mental health issues while you make a big deal out of each other’s slight concerns, and you,” he shot a look at Patton, “don’t respect my boundaries.”

“We-”

Patton cut himself off this time, anxiously tugging at the sleeve of his hoodie hanging down over his chest. He hadn’t deserved that gift, Logan decided.

“Maybe you’re all right. Maybe I’m not important. Virgil may be a key component of Thomas, but are you really going to pretend that Anxiety is more important than Logic?!?”

He looked around, letting the thought sink into their minds. The guilt was showing on their faces, he could tell that they felt bad, once Logan finally had the balls to call them out on it.

“Or maybe I’m just not important to you. I’m annoying, stupid, intrusive, boring, the list and insults go on, and I’m not good enough for any of you. I have tried harder. I have done everything I can to make you all listen, to make you all care, to show that I know full well how much feelings affect me in the best way that someone like me can. But you don’t want that. You don’t want anybody harder to deal with than Anxiety, you don’t want someone as useless and incompetent at I am because you refuse to make an effort to understand me, how I work, how I feel things, because I’m the problem!”

His voice was getting louder, bloody half circles drying as he shoved his finger into his chest, pointing to himself. He could feel salty tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, not making an effort to ignore them anymore.

“And look where that got us!!! Thomas is miserable because Anxiety has him staying up to ungodly hours of the night, Morality has him giving up his free time when his friends are mildly inconvenienced, and Creativity has him destroying his mental health over his self worth! I could help if you all would fucking let me!!! Virgil’s scared for Thomas’s mental health, for Roman’s mental health, for Patton’s mental health because somehow Patton destroying Thomas’s life hurts him, while I’m left here to figure this out on my own, while knowing the people who I care about hate me!!!”

It was a scream at this point, the words beginning to scratch at his throat as tears really began to fall.

“And maybe I’m not good enough!! Maybe I’m not logical enough!! Because what kind of Logic does something like this!?!?”

Logan yanked up his sleeve, tearing bandages off of numerous cut marks, sweat hitting them as their dried blood glittered underneath the light. Patton made a move to approach him, but Logan let out a sound between a hiss and a scream which scared him away well enough.

“Maybe I am defective!! I’m not GOOD enough for you, I’m not good enough for THOMAS!!! I’m USELESS, I’m-”

He cut himself off by biting down hard on his right arm, teeth breaking the skin until blood leaked out. He yanked up his other sleeve, using his nails to dig past the skin on his left arm, leaving four long, thin streaks of blood.

“Logan, stop. ”

Virgil moved forward, worry and fear showing behind his eyes. Logan just missed hitting him, using a swatting motion to get him away.

“Logan, please, we can help-”

“DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?!?!” Logan’s death glare darted to Roman.

He inhaled sharply, face softening to worry as he saw the looks of fear on his friend’s faces. He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. I have no desire to hurt any of you. You are still my friends, so the only person I will be hurting is myself.

“I’m just… so tired. So fucking tired of being ignored, and maybe you all are right. Maybe I deserve this. The blood, the pain, the absolute misery. Maybe I need to shut up, maybe I need to never say a single irritating, useless fact ever again. Maybe I need to hurt myself. Maybe I need to let Thomas make the decision to get rid of me. Maybe I deserve all of this! Maybe you guys should hate me, despise me, never give a single shit about what I say! Maybe I should fucking die, let you use me as an outlet for your anger, each of you using your own method of torture! Maybe I shouldn’t hate any of you, just hate myself for being such a useless piece of shit!!!”

He was sobbing now. Hard, painful sobs wracking his body as what he believed the ultimate feeling of misery must be. He pulled his glasses shakily off his face with his right hand, using both hands to keep them steady.

“Well… if I’m not gonna be Logic anymore, guess I won’t need these. ”

He snapped them in half, ice lacing his voice. He dropped them to the floor, reveling in the crack that came as he shattered them with his foot.

“Lo…” Patton’s voice was quiet and scared, terrified for his friend.

“I wanna die,” Logan muttered, voice wobbly and throat hurting. He took his tie in his hand tentatively before getting a firmer grip on it.

“I wanna DIE!” he screamed, ripping the tie from his neck. The back of his neck hurt from the force, his hands hurt from the grip, his arms hurt from the cuts and biting and scratching, his chest hurt from the crying, his head hurt from the crying, his legs hurt from more cuts, his throat hurt from screaming, his mind hurt so much from his stupid, stupid emotions.

He was hurting. All the time.

“Wait, wait, Logan, no, don’t leave-”

He sunk out before Virgil could finish his sentence, setting off through the corridors quickly. Surely there would be something in the Imagination, maybe a tall building, a deep lake, a ravenous monster-

He was stopped in his tracks in the Dark Side’s living room by a strong arm, the world too blurry for him to make out obstacles in his path without his glasses. The arms- which he recognized as Remus’s due to the soft amount of fat on them- tightened around his middle as he struggled to get free, mostly just succeeding in sinking into the Dark Side’s warmth.

“Re- let- Re-”

He wasn’t able to voice much more than that due to the state of his throat. He gave up, letting himself go limp in Remus’s arms as he continued sobbing, the pain in his throat reignited with every one. He barely registered being picked up and carried through the halls, processing nothing but Remus, knowing nothing but hold on, hold on.

He was dropped onto something soft, sobs receding into whimpers. His eyes were shut, it wasn’t like there was really any point in opening them without his glasses. He felt a pang in his heart at the memory of his ripped tie falling to the floor, the blurry figure of his shattered glasses already on the ground. A new round of painful sobs wracked his body at the thought.

Warm hands surrounded his body in a thick blanket, Remus wrapping it around both of them. Logan had nearly forgotten what physical contact was like, the warmth and the burning bleeding comfort into him. Remus’s arms squished around his soft belly, holding him close and tight.

He was still angry. At himself, at the others, even at Remus. But he couldn’t bring himself to give an ounce of care as he sunk into the much needed hug.

Taglist: @bluerosesbleedred @mxxangel

[nalgenewhore]

Slipping Through My Fingers - Sixteen

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 

warnings: ...nsfw...

an: happy birthday @soitsgorgeous ! ALSO i just rlly want to post this 

“No, come on, Ae, please stop,” Elide said, “it’s been a week. I need to go home.” 

“But,” the blonde protested, looking around desperately until she huffed a breath and pouted, “you’re my baby sister. I gotta protect you.” 

“I know that,” Elide said, pulling her sister in for a tight tight hug, “and I love you for it. So much, girl. But I can take care of myself.” 

Aelin huffed again, rolling her eyes when they broke apart, “Ok. If you want me to come over, just call, ok?” 

“Ok, mama,” Elide whispered, kissing the back of Aelin’s hand. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, baby,” Aelin whispered back, waving at her as she walked down the hall. 

The elevator was empty as she rode it down to the garage and no one was there either, though she saw row upon row of cars while walking to her spot. Mere steps from her driver’s door, her phone rang, deep in her pocket, and Elide shifted her bags to one arm as she dug into her pocket and hastily grabbed it. 

She didn’t look at the caller ID as she picked the call up and pressed it against her ear, breathlessly replying, “Hello?” 

There was a pause. And then, “Hey… it’s me.” 

She froze, her blood running cold at the familiar voice. She stayed silent, not knowing what to say or how to say it. She hadn’t heard his voice in a week. He sounded as bad as she undoubtedly did, his voice hoarse and rough as he rasped into the receiver, “E, please. Please just say something. Tell me you’re still there.” 

Elide’s chest ached with suppressed tears and she bit her lip to keep from crying. She wanted so badly to comfort him, because she loved him and he was in pain, but she was in pain too. She was hurting more than him. “I’m here.” 

“Thank the gods,” he muttered, sniffling once, “I want to fix this, E. Please, just give me a chance.” He fell silent and neither spoke as he waited for her response. When she didn’t answer, he continued, “I know I don’t deserve it at all, I know that, but…” 

Despite knowing it might make her hate herself for it later, Elide found herself telling him to meet her at her place in an hour. Then, she got in her car and tried not to cry as she drove home. 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

When she got back to her apartment, Elide dumped her clothes from Aelin’s in her laundry basket and swept her hair up in a messy bun before she took a quick shower, the hot water helping ease the tension in her body. 

After, she put on a pair of old sweats and the fluffiest fleece hoodie - complete with bear ears. Elide leaned back against her kitchen table and waited anxiously for the knock that came exactly an hour after their call. “It’s open,” she called out, worrying her bottom lip as the door opened and Lorcan walked in, closing it behind him and resting against it. 

Elide ran a cursory glance over him, her breath hitching at the stubble where he would normally shave clean, the slump of his shoulders. He kept his gaze on the floor and didn’t dare take another step as he toed off his untied shoes, the same beat-up Converse he’d been wearing the night they’d met. 

His hair was messy, like he’d ran his hands through it over and over. 

Elide missed when she did that. 

“E…” he started, finally lifting his head up to meet her cold stare with his hollow one, “I’m so sorry, baby.” 

That quickly, the sadness and pain and heartbreak weighing her down turned into anger. She was so fucking pissed. He was such an asshole. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your ‘baby’.” 

“I didn’t mean it,” he muttered and Elide could see that he was fighting his own anger. 

Elide scoffed and shook her head in disbelief. “You’re a bad fucking liar, Lorcan.” 

“I’m not lying,” Lorcan said, a dark storm in his eyes. 

“Well, I don’t believe you. I gave you a chance to take it back, I asked you if you really meant it and you–” 

“And I said I did,” he finished for her, stepping closer to the table. “I know what I said and I want to apologize.” 

“I don’t want your apology,” Elide said, crossing her arms tightly. 

“Then what do you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, anything,” he insisted, running his hand through his hair in a gesture of habit. Elide shook her head again, not answering, but he asked again, “El, just tell me what to do.” He wasn’t exactly an expert on apologies, he didn’t have that much practice with them. 

“Give me my heart back!” she yelled, her voice breaking. “Give it back to me, you fucking asshole. I’ve never- no one has ever hurt me like that and it took you a week to get the balls to fucking call me!” 

“Fucking hell, what do you want, Elide?” he shouted back, his voice raised. He tried not to, but Elide was the only person who could get under his skin just like that. “What do you want from me, huh?” 

“I want you to get out of my house,” she said, raising her chin defiantly. “There’s nothing you can give me right now and you should leave–” 

“I love you.” 

She fell silent, looking at him with wide eyes. Elide uncrossed her arms, her hands shaking as she curled them into fists. Then, she looked down at her fluffy slippers, “I don’t believe you.” 

“I love you.” 

“I don’t believe you, Lorcan!” she cried, looking up to stop her tears. “How could I? You don’t trust me–” 

“Yes, I do. I’m an asshole and I’m a prick and you can hate me for it, but I love you. And I trust you with my life. I don’t care if you never forgive me for this and I never get to call you mine again, I will let you go forever if that’s what you want,” he told her, desperate. “Elide Lochan, I love you.” 

He was so close. She could just reach out and tug him to her. Something sparked in her blood and she tilted her head back, cocking her jaw, “I. Don’t. Believe. You.” 

Lorcan’s lips parted and he stared at her, dragging his eyes up and down her. His breathing turned ragged as he stepped closer, cornering her against her table. Elide kept his heavy stare, not backing down as he cupped her face and leaned down to kiss her. But Elide turned her face at the last second and Lorcan just chuckled darkly, kissing her cheek sweetly before he pressed hot, biting kisses to her jaw, then continuing on down the elegant column of her throat to the place that drove her crazy. 

Elide breathed in shakily and she gripped the front of his sweater, tipping her head back to give him further access. Lorcan chuckled again and the rough sound had her toes curling up as her clutch on his top tightened. 

He sucked a bruise into her pale skin, pulling back and stroking his thumb over the purple mark, smiling cockily. Elide glared at the smile and decided he shouldn’t be smiling while groveling, so she gripped his collar and yanked him down, “Stop smiling.” 

Lorcan didn’t listen as he cupped her face once more and slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her slow and languid, as if they had all the time in the world. And by the gods, he hoped they did. 

She gasped and Lorcan snaked his tongue into her mouth, kissing her dizzy. 

His back was strained from bending down so he slowly dragged his hands down her sides, sliding them down to her ass and gripping the soft flesh in that way that she was weak for - rough and if a little possessive. Elide moaned like he knew she would and wrapped her arms around his neck, toying with the soft strands at the base of his skull. 

He groaned at the feeling of her long nails scraping over his scalp and picked her up, making her wrap her legs around his waist before he dropped her onto the table. 

Shit, that was a good kiss and her brain was fuzzy. Lorcan pulled back, his eyes darker than she’d ever seen them and his lips kiss-swollen. Elide just shook her head, swallowing before rasping, “Not good enough.” 

Lorcan grinned wickedly - he was having way too much fun with his reckoning - and reached behind his head, pulling his crewneck sweater off with one hand, flinging it behind her onto the floor. Elide grinned as well and leaned forward, licking up his sternum, her teeth kissing against his skin as she whispered, “Better. But I’m still pissed.” 

“Let’s see what I can do about that,” he purred, voice dripping with sin. Lorcan tipped back her chin and kissed her one last time before pulling away, ignoring her whine. 

Elide’s frown melted away as he dropped to his knees and tugged her to the edge of the table. Her heart stuttered in her chest and she knew by the end of the night, all would be forgiven and she would tell him she loved him too because she did. More than anything, anyone. Still, she would torture him by making him wait, just a little bit more. 

The feeling of him tugging her sweats down her legs had her coming back to the present. She watched as Lorcan looked up at her through his lashes, grinning as she let out a shaky breath. Then, he looked between her legs, his mouth dropping open as he realized she wasn’t wearing underwear. “Fuck,” he said, throwing her sweats away. “Is this all for me?” 

“Yes,” Elide whispered, her eyes closing as his hands traced pretty designs up her calves, “it’s all for you.” 

Lorcan pulled her legs apart, spreading them as far as they went. His exhales fanned over her burning core and Elide slid her hands into his hair, falling down onto her back as he started to press hot and wet kisses to the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. 

She let out a breathy moan as his lips parted and she felt his tongue trace over her skin, tracing over her tattoos and moon-pale skin. Deciding she’d had enough teasing, Elide tugged on his hair sharply enough that he winced and went where she pulled him to. 

“Lorcan,” she whined, arching her back when he pressed a too-soft kiss over her glistening slit, her sex pretty and pink and practically gushing. 

He chuckled, the grating sound sending vibrations through her centre. “What is it?” 

“Just give me what I want,” she begged him, her nails digging into his head. “I want to come, fuck, I need to.” 

Lorcan just hummed and turned his head, pressing his lips against the soft skin of her inner thigh until she was gasping delicately and tugging on his hair as her toes curled. “Tell me what you want, my love.” He licked a path right up to her core, only to back away at the first touch. Elide let out a half-sob, too turned on to be embarrassed with how her liquid arousal was dripping from her. “Tell me how you want it.” 

“I want– Anneith above,” Lorcan swallowed his laughter at the words that spilled from her throat when he bit the tendon between her thigh and pelvis. She was shaking, straining, aching for him and Lorcan smiled to himself, licking slowly over the bite mark before he switched to her other leg, his hands holding her legs apart, but even still, they fought to close around his head and never let go. 

Soon, Elide was begging, pleading with him in a soft, breathy voice, “Baby, please… oh my gods, please, please, I just… I want you, Lorcan, I want you.” When he finally put his mouth on her, Elide nearly cried in relief, his tongue splitting her folds in broad sweeps.

She convulsed at the feeling of his tongue dipping as far as it could reach inside of her and sliding against her walls. 

Elide cried out when he flattened his tongue against her clit and let go of her thighs, coaxing her to wrap them around his head, keeping Lorcan exactly where she wanted him. 

Pressure built under her skin as he worked her into a frenzy, banding an arm over her hips to keep them still as he curled two fingers into her and stroked over that one spot. Elide moaned, tightening her legs around his head. The combination of his tongue flicking over her button and his fingers pumping and scissoring inside her sent Elide into her climax, making her clench around him and roll her hips against his arm. 

Her mind blanked and her body writhed, trembling as his actions didn’t stop until it was too much for her and Elide felt a tear slip free as she pushed him away. She felt, more than heard, him rise above her and lean down, his body slotted between her legs. 

Eyes half-lidded and hazy, Elide reached out for him, diving her hand into his pants and wrapping her hand around his dick. 

Lorcan groaned softly and instinctively rocked his hips into her hand, snapping his teeth at her low chuckle. 

“So needy,” she commented, lazily stroking him as his cock grew in her hand and became slick with the beads of pre cum. With her other hand, she tilted his chin up, his jaw tight, her body caged in by his hands planted on the wooden surface on either side of her. 

Another storm was raging in his eyes, one she would gladly lose her way in. He breathed heavily, trying to keep his control as she stared at him with that one look that he would wreck worlds for. 

Lorcan’s eyes fluttered shut and he bit his lip, groaning softly, “Fucking hell, just- Elide.”

“Mm-hmmmm?” she hummed, running her thumb over the head of his length and scraping her nails over the underside. 

“I need to be inside you.” Elide just smiled coyly until he grabbed her face in one hand hard enough that her jaw might ache in the morning. Her cheeks squished together and her lips puckered out for him to kiss her possessively. He bit her bottom lip, not bothering to lick over the sting as he nearly growled, “Now, Elide.” 

She whimpered softly and nodded, chasing his lips when he pulled back. Lorcan pulled her hand from his pants and then let her tug his jeans down just enough that his cock flipped out. Then, she guided him between her legs, using her fresh release to make him slick. 

Elide pouted when he pulled her hand away from his length but he kissed it away as he slowly slid in. When he bottomed out, Elide whimpered, reaching for the hand on her hip and running hers up to his forearm, “Fuck, so fucking deep.” Her nails dug into his skin and Lorcan slid his other arm underneath her lower back, forcing an arch into her spine. She locked her legs around his waist as he started to thrust into her, watching her hoodie shift with her tits. 

Elide seemed to notice where he was looking and pressed a hand into his chest, forcing him to stop his movements so she could pull it over her head and stretch out languidly, letting it dangle elegantly from her finger tips before dropping it and running her hands down her body. Biting back a groan, Lorcan watched as she cupped her own breasts and toyed with her nipples, all while smirking wickedly at him. 

“Are we supposed to lay still the entire time, my darling,” she pondered in a sultry voice, gasping out a breath when Lorcan smirked right back and sheathed himself in her, keeping her tightly against his pelvis as he grinded his hips into hers. 

“More,” she gasped, her face scrunching up as he slammed into her harder and deeper like she asked him to, completely filling her. “Just like that.” 

“Just like that?” he drawled, leaning over her and trailing his lips over her throat. He moved up to her ear, grazing his teeth over her soft earlobe. Every touch, every brush of his body against hers sent lightning zapping under her skin. He slowed his pace, though his thrusts remained true and deep as she mewled and clawed at his back. Her nails dragged down his skin, almost drawing blood but not quite breaking the skin. 

“Lor… I… oh,” Elide breathed, falling back down to the table as he pulled a hand away and guided her hand between them, pressing gently beneath her belly button. She moaned, her legs squeezing around him as Elide felt something twitch beneath her fingers. 

Lorcan watched her eyes, watched them near roll back in her head beneath fluttering lids and murmured in her ear, gently taking her hand away and pressing her wrist into the wood beneath her. “Feel that?” 

“Yes,” she moaned, crying out his name when he hit particularly deep. Elide could already feel her orgasm build, still sensitive from the previous one. 

A broken moan tore from his throat when her already tight walls swelled around his cock, making pulling out of her an effort of control, like she was trying to pull him back in every time he drew back. She was like a vice around him, so tight and slick and hot. 

Lorcan pulled back, standing up straight as Elide arched her body further, her head thrown back as she felt herself grow closer and closer. “Oh, come on, baby, just come. Come, you’re so close, I wanna feel it. You know how much I’ve missed you, tight around my dick and feeling good like that ‘cause of me?” 

He gripped her hips tightly, pulling her down to meet his thrust and his breathing became laboured when he watched her body seize and shake beneath him, coming undone with the presence of him filling and surrounding her. 

Elide yelled his name, her eyes screwed shut as white-hot pleasure raced through her veins and vaguely, through a shroud of bliss, she felt him come inside of her. Every inch of her body was tingling and sensitive. She managed to wrench her eyes open to see him bow his head, biting his lip as he groaned out her name, barely recognizable. He rocked into her, drawing out both of their pleasures until they both calmed. 

Elide smiled softly as he remained inside of her and leaned down, gathering her up in his arms. Something inside her jellied when she felt his release drip down her thighs, leaking out from around him. She wrapped her arms around him, nearly draping herself over his shoulders and smiling when he bowed his head and kissed her chin, just barely missing her lips, “I missed you.” She missed him so much. 

“I missed you too,” he whispered, kissing her cheek before he pulled out of her and stood upright, helping her up. Elide smiled again, absentmindedly running her hand through his hair as she looked off into the distance, eyes catching on a speck of dust in the moonlight. 

Before she could discern what was happening, Lorcan scooped her up and walked over to her bed, putting her down and kissing her forehead, murmuring, “I’ll be right back, ok?” 

She nodded sleepily and dozed off as he walked away, jolting slightly when the next thing she felt something damp and cold between her legs. Elide looked up from the pillow she was cuddling to find him cleaning her with a cloth. He gently wiped it over her sensitive skin and then tossed it into her laundry basket. Then, he pulled back her duvet and shifted her so that she was underneath it. 

Elide reached out for Lorcan, grabbing at him until he slowly settled down beside her after he left his jeans in a rumpled pile on the floor. He smiled as she curled into his side, hitching her leg over his hip and slotting it between his. Elide hummed in question when he tipped her chin back. His eyes were wholly black as he murmured, “I love you.”

“Mmmm,” she replied, the blissful feeling of sex wearing off and the anger she felt returning slightly. She wasn’t sure if he’d apologized yet. 

Lorcan ran his fingers up and down her spine, the motion soothing for the both of them as something in her kitchen caught his eye. Elide shifted to see what it was when he said, “Essar loved those mugs.” 

She floundered for something to say, but her words were not needed as Lorcan opened his mouth and the entire tale spilled out. 

He talked about everything. How he had met her, how they had gotten together, how they had gotten married a week after graduating high school. He talked to her about the pregnancy, about how Essar wanted to be a social worker and worked tirelessly to juggle growing a child in her body and her graduate degree. Lorcan talked about how the day Kohana had been born, he’d nearly missed it because of a traffic accident that blocked the roads. He told Elide about having a newborn and feeling like they were screwing him up almost everyday. Then… his voice grew saddened and she could hear his grief as he talked about Essar getting sick. 

They had been told it was nothing and they were being hysterical, but then it got too late and the doctors blamed them for waiting this long. He hadn’t known how to tell them that they had been begging anyone to listen. 

It had been too late for her and Essar passed, before Ko had even turned one. Lorcan admitted that he was terrified of forgetting his first love and replacing her. 

Elide propped herself up, her forearms braced against his chest, stroking her thumb over his cheekbone. “I’m not Essar,” she told him, “and I’ll never replace her, but… you’re allowed to move on. From what you’ve told me, she would’ve wanted you to be happy.” Lorcan sighed softly and turned his face to kiss her palm. 

“I am sorry,” he murmured, rubbing her back when Elide nestled against his chest, her ear above his steady heart beating. “I was angry at myself and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair ‘cause you did nothing wrong. My kid loves you and you’re amazing with him.” He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. “I love you.” 

“So you’ve said,” Elide hummed, giggling slightly when he flipped them over and pressed her into the mattress, trailing his lips down her jaw and throat. 

“And you have yet to give me your answer,” Lorcan said, pulling back just enough that she let out a displeased whine. “So what is it, Lochan?” 

Elide shrugged and looped her arms over his shoulders, her hands toying in the air above his head, “Well, obviously, I love you.”

“Obviously? Obviously?” He ran his hand up her body, pinching her side. “You were kicking me out an hour ago!” 

“Yeah, well, that’s ‘cause I was pissed, not ‘cause I didn’t love you,” she told him, as if it were simple. “You are a stupid, stupid man. I had to make you work a little bit.” Lorcan grumbled something and glowered down at her when she patted his cheek a little too hard. 

Lorcan shook his head at her, a fond look in his eyes as a slow smile spread across his lips, “You are…” 

“Ridiculous? Sneaky? Devious? Irritating? Impossible? Ooh, ooh! Infuriating?” Elide took his face into her small hands, smiling cheekily up at him. Her eyes softened when he turned his head to kiss her palm and turned to the other side to kiss her other palm. 

“Gods above, woman, shut up,” he pleaded with her, kissing her as they both laughed. “No, you’re none of those things.” 

“Then what am I?” 

“Everything.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: oh we’re almost done 🥺 wow 

@mythicaitt @tinywolfofeyllwe @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @empire-of-wildfire @rhysands-highlady @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @ttakeitbacknoww @tswaney17 @ourbooksuniverse @flora-and-fae @thesirenwashere @queenofxhearts @maastrash @mynewdreamwasyou​ @cursebreaker29 @superspiritfestival @empress-ofbloodshed @queen-of-glass @sleeping-and-books @beccasophia95 @exersize-me-i-dare-u @thewayshedreamed @hizqueen4life @ifinallygavein @bat-wing-rhys @awkward-avocado-s @b00kworm @mu-si-ca-l @lovemollywho @tacmc @soitsgorgeous @staarligght @starrynightsbooks @keshavomit

[frostsinth]

The Secret We Keep - Pt. 4

Part 1|2|3  - MasterList -

I’m going to get secondhand embarrassment from these two. And its a killer. Seriously though, I almost can’t stand it myself. AND I’M WRITING IT.

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback on the last post. The comments had me smiling all day. This one’s a little shorter, I think, but hopefully just as good a read. Enjoy! Keep telling me how much you’re suffering! It makes me feel some strange, devilish glee...

After a horribly restless night, the next day had me up at dawn. I couldn’t seem to sit still, and so began carrying the stones out of the pit in the center of the yard. I stacked them alongside the ramshackle stable, careful to keep my injured palm well under wraps. Unfortunately, that only occupied my hands, leaving my mind free to wander. Nerves wrapped cool coils around my gut, and I jumped at every little sound. My thoughts were filled with visions of a huge, dark green-grey orc, as big as a barn and with wild black hair like a lion’s mane around broad shoulders.

Blessedly, a little later in the morning had customers streaming in; the previous day’s roast had piqued the interest of the village it seemed. Many were returning customers, officially placing orders including deposits. The rest of my day was filled with making arrangements and setting scheduled pick ups. One customer even brought chickens they wished cooked; two for dinner that night, the last to be salted for later. I was more than pleased to receive a huge basket of eggs in exchange for the job. It reminded me of old times, back when I was a child before my father became sickly. We had never made much money, but we had never wanted for anything. People had always been willing to trade with the local butcher.

This included, it seemed, the blacksmith down the road. He and his teenaged son stopped by just after noon. Some haggling had a price set for a large amount of meat in exchange for a new set of knives. I was so excited I nearly dislocated his shoulder shaking his hand so hard. But he was genial about it, and promised the work to be completed within a day or two.

I spent the early evening out at the farms, bartering for the animals I would need to fill the orders. The farmers were hardy people, and stubborn as rocks. It was difficult going to procure sales that left me with enough profit to warrant the work. But I enjoyed every second, and had a smile on my face throughout the day, despite how far I had to walk in the heat.

By the time night had fallen, I was eager to collapse into bed. Though I had hoped my exhaustion would bring sleep easily, I still spent half the night staring up at the ceiling in the dark. My mind racing and my heart pounding. When I did finally fall asleep, it was to dreams filled by a pair of broad shoulders and fading footsteps

The next day dawned wet; I knew instantly when the rain started, as it began dripping through the roof onto my nose. I spent the first part of the morning placing buckets under holes in the house to catch the leaks in the thatch. Four in all, at least that I had found. It was the first summer storm in a while, and I stretched myself in the doorway, breathing in the damp air. My yard was already mostly mud, and there was a large puddle forming in the cooking pit. I looked at it regretfully, wishing I had been able to fill it before the rain had hit. But I was relieved to feel the refreshing chill the storm brought to the air, knowing tomorrow the scorching heat would be back.

I skittered across the yard with my apron over my head to avoid the worst of the rain, ducking into the protective cover of the shop front. I kept myself busy prepping some of the work I had pending, and packaging out jerky and salted meats for orders due to be picked up later. I kept my notes meticulous, and scratched the quill neatly over the parchment to mark each package. Then I gathered up my skins in a bundle, tying those with twine, and was able to fill an old flour sack with the feathers from the plucked chickens. I had a barrel full of hollowed and cleaned horns, as well as one with hooves. I placed the feathers and skins on top of those, thinking perhaps I might be able to sell or trade those as well.

The soft scrape of the wood door against the floor surprised me; I had assumed the day would be quiet until the heavy rain let up. I came up from behind the counter, curious who had bothered to venture out in such weather.

My heart leapt into my throat as the big orc hunched his shoulders and ducked into the shop. I didn’t have time to suppress my grin as he dropped the hood of his cloak and closed the door behind him. Muffling the sounds of the rainstorm once more.

“Hans!” I exclaimed, quickly wiping my hands on my apron and coming around the front of the counter.

I stopped short, suddenly fearing my overeagerness would put him off. I smiled, but shuffled my feet and rubbed the back of my neck as he slowly moved deeper into the shop. I looked for something to say, or wondered if perhaps I should go embrace him, or tell him how much I had been thinking of him. But I did none of these things, instead just standing there like a buffoon as he shook the rain off his cloak.

When his slate eyes found mine, I felt my breath catch in my throat. I hoped that maybe he would be braver in that moment, or give me some sort of lead to follow. He stood there silently for a moment, then cleared his throat and took one hesitant step forward. I smiled again, wringing my hands and glancing at the ground. Uncertain exactly where we stood now, or what he expected of me. I tried to remember what had preceded our previous encounter. Wondering if I could recreate it enough to bring us back to that moment.

“...A-are you hungry?” I finally managed to stammer, feeling heat rise to my cheeks, “I probably have some salted pork around…” I turned, rushing back over to the crates and barrels behind the counter, “I’d invite you back to the house for some gin, but there are so many leaks in the roof, we’d be better off standing outside.” He turned, scowling, his attention perked at my words. “Luckily I have almost everything we need here-”

The big orc gave a hearty growl, cutting me off, then turned, stomping across the shop. He ducked out the back door into the driving rain. I managed to dart over to the doorway just in time to see him reaching the house. He hadn’t bothered to pull up his hood again. I quickly yanked my apron back over my head and followed after him.

“I-is something wrong?” I called in confusion as I reached the door, dropping my apron. 

At first, my heart raced, thinking he had decided to take matters into his own hands. To be more forward, rather than doing our usual dance. But the orc in question was studying the leaks, rubbing one big hand over his chin. I saw him assess them with a critical eye, including the buckets and jars half full of water beneath them. I barely had time to move out of the way as he bustled past me again, back out into the rain. I started to call after him, even stepping one foot back into the yard. But Hans ignored me, striding over to the pile of wood he had brought with him the last time. Selecting several pieces, as well as a hammer and some nails, he strode back over to the house. After leaning the long slats against the wall, he dragged over one of my larger barrels, testing it before clambering on top. I groaned internally; at this point, I should know better than to wonder at his strange desire to fix all my problems as soon as he learned of them. In fact, I blamed myself for mentioning it at all.

“Hans, come inside!” I had to practically shout to be heard over the din of the heavy rain, “It's too wet right now, you’ll get hurt! The leaks aren’t that bad, really!”

From the barrel, he was easily able to reach up and grab hold of the edge of the roof. I gasped nervously as he hoisted himself up. Unsure if the old roof was ready to hold the weight of such a huge orc.

“Hans!” I shouted again, coming around to the front of the house to look up at him. I cupped one hand at my forehead to keep the rain from running into my eyes. “Please! Be careful!”

I watched him shuffle the thatch around, finding the first hole. Before he could come back to the edge, I rushed over and lifted one wooden slat, passing it up to him. He growled, giving me a dark disapproving look. I knew he would probably rather I wait inside. But I wasn’t about to do that when he was up there getting himself drenched in the rain. And perhaps the less he moved up and down off the roof, the less likely it was to come crashing down around his ears.

He worked quickly, hammering the slat into place and rearranging the thatch on top. I watched anxiously as he carefully navigated the frame of the roof. I passed him the next slat, and the next. I heard the old wood groaning in protest, and at one point there was an audible crack that had me jumping out of my skin. But it held, and soon the big orc clambered back down, dangling his legs over the side before dropping the last few feet.

I practically shoved him with both hands into the house, unconcerned about his soaked boots or the water dripping off of every inch of his body. Between the two of us, the dirt floor inside was soon slick mud.

“Are you crazy?” I demanded, closing the door behind us and spinning on him. “You could’ve been hurt! How did you know that old roof would even hold you?”

Hans merely snorted, wiping the streaming water from his forehead with the back of one hand. He seemed to be avoiding my gaze, and shuffled his feet awkwardly in the center of my tiny house. I rolled my eyes, gritting my teeth. I moved over to the table, dragging of of the benches closer to the oven and propping open the door to let the warmth of the small fire out.

“Strip your wet clothes and sit!” I ordered, hands on my hips. Brow furrowed.

I saw him raise one large brow at this, and seemed to consider me for a moment. I wondered if my frustration was seeping smoke out my ears, for it certainly felt like it might. But when I thought about how reckless he had been? All for my sake? I nearly collapsed from the shock of it.

Apparently I looked serious enough, for he reached up and began unstrapping his armor. While he did, I grabbed a few more small logs from by the door and stoked up the fire as well as clearing the table. As he removed his armor, I spread it out there to dry, then grabbed a spare line of twine to string between the rafters over the stove. I barely glanced at his bare chest as he passed me his shirt and obediently sat by the fire in just his trousers. I reached up, standing on my tip toes, and draped his tunic over the line.

Next I went to the bed, pulling off my large comforter and carrying it over. I dropped it around his burly shoulders as he bent down to remove his soaked boots and stockings. He glanced over at me as I did, and I saw his nose twitch as his big fingers curled into the blanket and pulled it around himself. I found I was still fuming, even after all that. Kicking his boots closer to the fire, I spun to him again, hands back on my hips.

“Of all the absolutely outrageous, dangerous, stupid…” I shook my head biting my tongue, “You would think you had never heard of the ills of working in the rain. I’ve heard of the stubbornness of orcs, but by the Gods! The leaks were hardly going to-” I stopped again, tossing up my hands and sighing in exasperation.

I turned, going over to the shelf and pulling down a bottle of gin and a drinking horn. Bringing it back over to him, I practically shoved the cup into his hand, still scowling as I worked the cork off and filled it to the halfway mark.

“Here. This will warm you faster than the fire.” I grumbled, “And hopefully if we’re lucky you won’t catch your death.”

Hans caught my hand as I went to recork the bottle, and I finally looked at him. His deep blue eyes were soft, studying my face as his hand gently stilled my motions. He ran his thumb over my knuckles, and glanced down at our hands briefly before looking back up at my face. I felt my frustration and will power waver at his touch, felt my breath catch as I saw his big eyes staring up at me. I struggled, holding on to whatever was left, resisting the urge to melt before him.

“...You are drenched too.” He pointed out, his deep voice quieter than usual.

That did give me pause. I looked down at my soaked dress, and felt my wet hair plastered to my neck. I realized I must look quite the sight. The warmth of the orc’s hand against mine sent my mind spinning, and the last of my anger fizzled out. Perhaps he saw my expression softening, because I felt him give my hand a light squeeze. Making it nearly impossible to stay mad at the fool.

I sighed again, nodding in agreement. So he released my hand, somewhat reluctantly, and I slipped over to the corner. I had no other dresses I could wear, I realized, and glanced at him over my shoulder. I found his eyes following me, and felt my ears grow a little hot. He cleared his throat awkwardly, and turned back to face the stove. But he was right. I could not stay in the wet clothes, and now that I was calmer I could already feel goosebumps tracing across my damp skin.

Slowly, hesitantly, I reached up and undid the tie at my throat. Then the one at my waist. Swallowing nervously, I checked back over my shoulder. But the orc’s broad back was still to me, and I heard him slowly sipping at the gin. I let the dress fall away, revealing my thin slip underneath. Perfect for sleeping in hot weather. Not exactly the most appropriate thing to wear with company.

Digging through the old, worn chest at the foot of my bed, I pulled out my woolen shawl and wrapped it around my shoulders. Not a perfect fix, but better than nothing. At least the important parts were covered.

Gathering up my damp clothes, I walked back over and reached up on my tiptoes again to drape them beside Hans’ tunic on the line. I tried to ignore the heat rising into my cheeks as I went over and grabbed a horn for myself. I could almost feel his eyes on me, and my tongue felt dry in my mouth. I briefly wondered what he was thinking, but found if I lingered on that train of thought too long, my knees went weak.

I had left the bottle by Hans on the bench, and slowly walked over to it. He saw my intent and quickly picked it up, popping the cork. When I held out my horn, he carefully filled it, then replaced the bottle on the bench beside him. I took a shaky sip, feeling the burning liquid slip down my throat.

His hand found my wrist again, and I looked over at him as he gently wrapped his fingers around it. He placed his own cup down, then reached out with his other hand to catch my elbow. I took another nervous sip as the big orc gently pulled me towards him.

Spreading his knees slightly, he drew me to stand before himself, his fingers trailing along my arms. I let him take my horn and place it beside his, my breath quivering past my lips as it haltingly left my lungs.

From his sitting position, we were almost perfectly eye level, and he quickly dropped his gaze almost shyly. I was glad, for I was certain if I met his eyes with mine, I’d become permanently lost to the world. My lips started to tingle with the memory of his kiss from the day before, and I swallowed the anxiousness forming in my throat. Threatening to strangle me. For his part, he ran his fingertips lightly up and down my arms, then caught my hands in his to trace his thumbs over my knuckles and gently squeeze my fingers.

We stayed like that for a long moment, neither of us quite daring to meet the other’s eyes. Neither of us willing to pull away. He studied my hands as he gently ran his fingers over them, I watched the way his chest slowly rose and fell with each deep breath. I even dared trace my eyes over the large, defined muscles of his shoulders, down the length of his arms. I bounced my gaze back to his collarbone, then down the center of his chest. I felt heat prick the balls of my cheeks as I did, and shuffled my feet nervously.

“You know... I-I… I can’t seem to stop thinking about you…” I muttered softly, barely above a whisper, then felt my face catch fire.

He gave a soft sound, unlike any I had heard him make before. It rested deep in his throat, seeming to bubble up directly from his chest rather than from his mouth. At first, I could have mistaken it for a growl. But as his hand slipped to my waist, then around to my lower back, I decided it had been much more akin to a tender chuff. He pulled me a little closer, until he was forced to turn his head up, or otherwise have his face buried against my chest.

My breath stopped as our eyes met, and I gingerly slid my arms around his neck. Resting them lightly on his shoulders, my fingers buried in his hair. I saw his dark, slate blue eyes dart to my lips, then back up to my eyes. My heart skipped several beats, and I felt myself quivering beneath his gaze. His thumb slowly traced circles in the small of my back, and he slid his other hand up my arm and over my shawl to hesitate on my shoulder. The warmth of his skin against mine left me reeling, and I wanted nothing more than to completely melt into his arms. I could feel it through my thin slip on my back and even through the woolen shawl.

“....I would like to be bold again.” He said finally, and in his deep, rumbling voice the softness of his words seemed to blend them together in the air between us.

I felt my heart skip another beat before returning to its racing pace, putting a hummingbird to shame. I couldn’t keep my eyes from flickering down to his thick lips briefly before returning back to his slate blues. I realized after a few belated moments that he was asking my permission.

A tiny smile twitched the corners of my mouth. “Please do.” I replied, my voice barely above a breathy whisper.

At my answer, his big hand ran over my shoulder, then buried itself in the hair at the base of my skull. And he slowly, gently, pulled me down into a kiss.

A loud pounding at the door had us both jumping in surprise. I even squeaked, jerking backwards and nearly falling over myself. Hans’ arm steadied me until I had leveled my feet beneath myself again. Now it was a deep, angry growl that filled his throat.

The big orc stood, his eyes lingering on me momentarily as he stomped over to the door. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from quivering in the aftershock of his touch, pulling my shawl tighter around myself. It suddenly occurred to me that the big orc was going to answer my own door for me. I felt a slight panic rising, as I wondered exactly how the person on the other side would react when a huge orc greeted them instead of me. I could only imagine what the village would think, and visions of pitchforks and torches harassed me as I started to rush after Hans to intercept whatever horrible misinterpretation was about to take place.

But as he yanked open the door, I recognized the orc from a few days previous standing there, rain streaming down his face and every other available inch of him. I raked my brain, trying to remember what Hans had called him in between wondering what he was doing at my door in the middle of a rainstorm.

If looks could kill, the unfortunate smaller orc would have been dead before Hans could have even opened the door. He seemed to sense the larger man’s rage, and had hunched himself into as non-threatening a shape as possible. Even holding up his huge hands apologetically. Not that he could look particularly imposing at the moment, absolutely drenched in rain as he was. I decided instead he looked like a wet cat, guiltily seeking shelter in its master’s house after having run off with the breakfast sausage earlier that same day. I would have laughed, had I not been trying to make myself as small as possible to avoid his notice.

“I’m so sorry, Boss,” The smaller orc began, and the returning thunder from Hans had him shrinking back into the rain even further, “I apologize, you know I would normally never… ah...but we… uh,” His eyes darted over to me briefly before he looked back at his companion, “We have an, uh…. An emergency… That needs your immediate attention…”

Hans seemed to be considering strangling the man. I saw his brow set into a dark, heavy scowl, and he ground his teeth together audibly. I almost winced at the sound.

The door cracked loudly against the frame as the huge orc slammed it in the others’ face. I jumped, skittering backwards a few steps in surprise. Hans turned, grumbling angrily under his breath.

As soon as his eyes settled on me, though, his entire body seemed to soften. The furrow between his brow, the scowl on his lips, the tautness in his shoulders. Quietly, he walked over, reaching easily over my head to pull his tunic down off the line.

“... I have to go,” He mumbled, and I thought he sounded a little guilty.

I glanced back over at the door as he pulled the shirt over his head, then began collecting his armor. 

“Is everything alright?” I asked tentatively, rubbing my hand up and down my arm.

He gave a grunt in response, and I recognized it as one of his affirmative ones. I was surprised with how quickly he donned his armor, despite the fact that everything was still soaked. He shook out his cloak quickly before settling the damp fabric over his shoulders once more. I watched, even opening and closing my mouth a few times. My fingers shook when I reached up to push my hair back out of my face.

“... Can I help?”

Slate blue eyes flickered over to me again, and perhaps it was my imagination but I thought his features softened even more. He shook his big head, damp locks slapping about his shoulders as he did. Slowly, he came over, standing over me once more. I craned my neck back to look up at him. He hesitated, then lifted his hand and ran it along my jaw.

“... I’ll be back as quickly as I can…” He promised, then hesitated again, glancing down at his booted feet as he shuffled them, “... If you will have me.”

I nodded breathlessly. “O-of course, but-”

He didn’t let me finish my question, dropping his hand and taking the three short strides over to the door. I saw him shoot one final glance at me over his shoulder before he yanked the door back open and ducked out into the rain.

Leaving me standing more than a little bewildered in the middle of my muddy kitchen.

...

Bar’tok skittered quickly to keep up with his boss’ long stride, spitting rainwater out of his mouth.

“I-I didn’t mean to interrupt,” He stammered quickly, following Hanste’kosh out the gate to the street beyond, “And you know I absolutely wouldn’t if-”

The larger orc’s growl echoed like thunder over the pounding rhythm of the rain, and had the younger orc sputtering to a halt. He cleared his throat, nodding as he tried to adjust the cowl of his cloak to keep at least some of the rain at bay.

“Yes, right, sorry, ah… We caught Bhalt, at the border.” He explained, casting a quick glance around to make sure no one else was listening. “The boys have him tussed up nearby, but time is of the essence if we want to catch-”

Hans waved his hand, silencing his second with a grunt. He knew the costs without explanation. Still, he couldn’t ignore the itch in his neck to look over his shoulder. The burn to forget everything and simply go back to the tiny little house behind the butcher shop. He snorted, trying to shake the thoughts from his head as he made his way over to his mount tethered by the village gate under a particularly large old oak.

“I already sent word ahead,” Bar’tok called to him through the rain, ducking under the branches to follow him beneath the tree. His own hog was snuffling through the underbrush a few feet away. “I know you wanted to have first crack at him.”

The big orc paused, his hands already buried in this mount’s tough mane. He chewed at the inside of his cheek, thinking over everything for a moment. Then, with a snarl, he bounded onto the beast’s back. First he had to take care of this. Then he would be back.

...

UPDATE:  Part five HERE

[wizardofrozz]

The Perfect Pair

Warnings: swearing, mention of past trauma, mention of child abuse, mention of past sexual assult

Pairing: Loki x OFC

A/N: I’m sorry it took me a few days to post the next chapter, but I’ll be back to updating regularly! *Memories and character thoughts are in italics*

Please read with caution! There is mention of sensitive and triggering topics in this chapter, beware please. 

_____________________________________________________________

Chapter 5: Welcome to Asgard

(Violet)

I groaned, rolling on my side; the sudden weightlessness made me fumble to catch myself. I blinked a few times, trying to figure out where I was; I stared down at the painfully white floor I was kneeling on. My head shot up, trying to make sense of my surroundings; an odd orange, translucent barrier surrounded three of the four walls to the room. What the fuck? I got to my feet and realized there were creatures in similar rooms all around me; I wandered closer to the barrier but knew better than to touch it. I glanced to my right and realized that there was another figure about six rooms away from me; it finally occurred to me I was in prison, but I had no idea where.             “Hello?” I called to the figure at the end of the row of cells. They stayed lying on their back as if they didn’t hear me; I pushed my conscious away, traveling through the barriers between us. As I got closer, the creature's features got clearer; dark hair, pale skin, high cheek bones. “Loki?” I said louder this time; he moved slightly. He shifted on the bed he was lying on, his eyes finally starting to open; I expected to see surprise, but he only sighed, closing his eyes again. “Loki,” I moved closer, his head snapping in my direction.             “Vi?” he whispered, scrambling to his feet. “Please tell me you aren’t really here too,” he sighed, chewing on the inside of his cheek.             “Look to your left, dear,” I huffed. I watched his head turn, his eyes falling on my body before letting out a deep sigh and looking back at my projection again. “What the hell happened, Loki? Where are we?” I asked anxiously.             “Welcome back to Asgard, little one. We’re in the prison near the castle,” Loki scrubbed his face with both hands.             “What happened?” I growled, racking my brain for memories.             “I don’t know exactly; I remember trying to get the tesseract back but not much else. I remember the Avengers, so I’m assuming my brother wanted us locked up here,” he rolled his eyes, wandering towards his small bed again.             “Great, so we’re stuck here,” I threw my arms up, groaning.             “Trapped is a better word. I’m surprised you could project yourself here. I guess they only block my magic so strongly. I can only use it in my cell. Yours is just different enough so you can do some things outside the barrier,” Loki tried to smile, but it just left a thin line on his face.             “Fuck, so now what,” I asked, my shoulders sagging.             “Get comfortable, darling,” Loki breathed. 

                                                            ///            

Time seemed to pass differently underground, but maybe that had to do with having no sunlight and no idea how many days had passed. I spent most of the time sending my projection to Loki’s cell, where we would talk, he’d read to me, or we’d just sit there, silent. Loki and I shared much more with each other as the time passed, bonding more than we had in the almost year we were running around together. *** Loki and I sat against the wall, shoulders touching as Loki stared into space and I traced the pattern of the barrier surrounding us with my eyes.             “You never did tell me what you meant on the roof in New York?” Loki suddenly said.             “What?” Loki’s sudden question threw me off; I racked my brain as I tried to remember what I said that day, but everything blurs together.             “When your father was dropped on the roof, you said something that deeply bothered me. You brushed it off and told me you’d fill me in later. Will you tell me now?” Loki whispered, shifting his gaze towards me. The mention of my father made me realize what Loki was referring to; I shifted uncomfortably next to him, trying to swallow around the lump forming in my throat.             “Yes, that. Well, what more should I say?” I huffed, curling in on myself. I risked a glance up at Loki, swallowing a gasp; the openness that radiated off Loki was jarring. I’ve never seen him look as open and accepting as he did in that moment. “Uh, well. My mother was captured and assaulted during an attack on Jotunheim; when she was rescued and brought home, she was with child. Me. My father assured her that he would be there no matter what, and he was, but he didn’t love me like his own. He was disgusted by me, but that didn’t stop him from doing the things he did.” I pulled my knees against my chest, desperately trying to ward off the flashbacks of my childhood.             “You mean, he….” Loki trailed off, unsure of what words to use.             “Yes. When I said preference, I assume you understand what I meant by that.”             “I-I can’t believe…who would do something like that?” Loki’s voice was harsh; I could feel the anger and tension that filled the room.             “As I said in New York, he wasn’t the only one I knew of. It was like they had a secret group,” I mumbled, resting my chin on my knees. I fought back the bile that stung at the back of my throat as I focused my eyes on the floor.             “Disgusting. Foul pigs. I can’t even think of a word to describe that,” Loki spat, venom dripping from every word.             “I’m aware, but it’s over now. I watched his heart pump the last bit of life out of him on that roof. If anything, that was too peaceful for him,” I laughed dryly.             “I wish you would have told me before….” Loki trailed off again, nervously picking at his nails.             “Why would that have changed how you treated me?” I snapped, turning to look at him. Pain and guilt flashed across Loki’s face, his eyes drifting shut for a moment; he puffed out a quick breath before looking at me again.             “…Yes. Physical injuries heal, but psychological wounds run deep; they latch on and never let go. I don’t strive to cause you psychological pain. I don’t want to hurt you that deeply.” I wanted to scoff at his admission, but I realized he honestly didn’t want to cause me that kind of pain; all the injuries and pain Loki may have caused me has never been an attack on my mind.             “I wanted to say you’re lying, but I can’t think of a time that you said anything to poke those wounds,” I muttered, hoping to find something in my memories that contradicted my statement.             “Everyone has their demons, including me. I don’t like my demons poked; therefore, I avoid doing it to others.” Loki smiled softly when I turned my face towards him; sometimes, I wondered what it would be like if we met differently. Would we have traditionally fallen in love instead of the fucked up emotional situation we constantly battle? ***             “We haven’t fought in a while.” Loki's sudden statement yanked me out of the memory.               “I know, but it’s hard to fight when I feel so helpless,” I whispered.             “I know. I can’t say I dislike you as much anymore,” Loki laughed dryly.             “I’ve grown to enjoy your company,” I smiled tightly at him, realizing how tired I was.             “Darling, you look tired. You’ve been in here a while. Go get some rest,” Loki urged.             “Goodnight, dear,” I smiled sadly at Loki, snapping my consciousness back to my body, collapsing on my bed.                                                             /// When I woke up again, I stared at the ceiling, wishing there was a way out of this shithole. I took a deep breath and pushing my consciousness towards Loki, I found him sitting on the floor, reading a book, but something seemed off.             “Loki?” I whispered.             “Hello darling,” he said, keeping his eyes on the book. I felt something odd in the air, realizing Loki was using magic to hide something; I closed my eyes and focused as hard as I could. I found the crack in his shield; I blew out the magic filling the room. “No!” Loki screamed. I opened my eyes and saw the true horror he was hiding; his cell was trashed, everything was thrown in different directions, broken. It looked like he went berserk, smashing everything in sight; my eyes landed on where he was sitting, the clean, put-together image of Loki was shattered. He was sitting against the wall, his clothes disheveled and torn, his hair was wild, and his eyes were bloodshot, tears still rolling down his cheeks.             “Oh Loki, what happened?” I whispered, kneeling next to him. He had a faraway look in his eyes as if he didn’t even hear me speaking. “Honey,” I tried again.             “My mother’s gone,” he said so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.             “No, she can’t be,” I cried. “She can’t be gone,” I mumbled, tears filling my eyes.             “Dark elves,” Loki muttered, still staring at nothing.             “That’s not possible. They were locked away years ago,” I stated.             “Thor’s human found the Aether. It woke them again. My mother’s gone because of a fucking human,” Loki finished with a growl.             “Don’t blame her,” I snapped at him; he finally looked at me.             “I do,” he said, anger swirling in his eyes.             “It’s not her fault, and you know it. Your mother would’ve done the same thing if she was an Asgardian woman. Don’t blame a human for what the Dark Elves did.” I reached out to him, my hand fazing through his.             “I can’t even find comfort in you,” his voice was strained, fighting off tears. I plopped down next to Loki; we sat for hours, crying, stewing in the overwhelming sorrow.             “Brother?” Thor’s voice broke through the crushing anguish. “What happened? How are you in here?” his gaze falling on me.             “I’m not, at least not really,” my voice cracked slightly.             “Ah, brother, come to watch my descent into madness?” Loki let out a dry laugh.             “I came to ask you for help,” Thor shifted his weight nervously.             “You must be really desperate to come to me, brother,” Loki spat at Thor.             “Loki, behave, hear him out,” I warned, shooting him a glare.             “I need a passage away from Asgard to draw Malekith out before he causes more damage here. I need your help,” Thor pleaded.             “What could you possibly have that would make me want to help?” Loki raised an eyebrow at him.             “Can’t you just do it because Mother would want you to?” Thor shot back.             “Classy brother, use our mother against me,” Loki’s expression was dark, angry.             “If you do this, you won’t have to come back here,” Thor took a step closer. Loki looked right at his brother before locking eyes with me; I knew he wouldn’t leave if that were the offer.             “No deal, brother,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine. “I won’t leave you to rot here,” he was talking to me now.             “Loki, I need your help. I will try to release her when you hold up your end of the deal. Please take the deal,” Thor pleaded with his brother.             “He’ll do it,” I said, keeping Loki’s gazed locked on mine.             “You don’t speak for me,” he growled at me.             “I don’t care. You’re not giving up on getting out of here because of me,” I shot him a look before turning to Thor. “He’ll do it. I hope you’d consider letting me out because he’s helping. I won’t let the fact that he cares for me get in the way of him working towards being a better person,” I sighed, waiting for Thor’s response.             “Bold of you think he loves you,” Thor raised an eyebrow at me.             “I never claimed he loves me. That doesn’t mean I want him to be stuck here,” I muttered flatly. “I care for him, and he cares for me,” I sighed.             “And there’s a difference between the two?” Thor looked back and forth between us.             “Yes,” I spat. “Now, just take his help,” I narrowed my eyes.             “I’ll be back for you brother,” Thor looked around me before walking off.             “Is there a difference?” Loki mumbled.             “I think so. I still have the urge to hurt you at times,” I laughed hoarsely.             “Oddly enough, I do too,” he laughed; it sounded almost normal again.             “Maybe that’s how we love,” I whispered. “I’d still kill you, but I’d prefer not to,” I chuckled.             “The only person that I cared about as much as you was my mother. I loved her very much. So maybe I do love you,” Loki whispered, staring at his hands.             “I’ve wondered the same thing. Whatever we feel isn’t like everyone else,” I whispered.             “I love you, darling, as much as I’m capable of,” he whispered, reaching for my hand.             “I love you too, my dear, as much as I’m capable of,” I whispered back, my hand fazing through his, a sob bubbling out of my chest. I plopped down on the floor next to him, trying to hold back tears.             “Darling, you look tired already,” Loki’s head lolled towards me.             “I am; breaking your magic was hard,” I whispered, feeling myself struggling to stay.             “Go, it’s okay,” Loki reassured before I slipped out of his cell.

____________________________________________________________

Series Masterlist | Chapter 6

Taglist:

@criminalyetminimal​ @kendallthesimp​ @marvelfansworld​ 

[spookyboywhump]

Too Much

I’m so sorry that after having no content for like. forever. All I have to offer is what is basically 2,000+ words of vent fic. It’s kind of been an off day and I made that Wren’s problem.

I’m not tagging the taglist in this one cuz it’s. kind of a mess, my bad.

CW: Some self blame, several mentions of skin picking

***

 He’d been on edge all day, since the moment he woke up really. He’d hardly slept the night before, only falling into a real, deep sleep an hour or two before Cain woke them up. His voice was loud, too loud, and it took all of Wren’s self control to not cover his ears- he didn’t want to imagine what would’ve happened if Cain saw him doing that. 

 The feeling continued all throughout the day, he couldn’t tell if it was the lack of sleep or the stress he was constantly under, all he knew was that everything was overwhelming right now. He almost felt nauseous, something that only got worse when Cain was kind enough to give them actual food that morning, and he just wanted to yell at him Why today of all days?! Everything was making him even angrier, even more wound up, the sunlight coming in from the large windows, the sound of utensils against a plate, even the fact that his food was touching made him want to start yelling. 

 He tried to keep it to himself, he knew he’d likely snap at the first person who said anything, if that was Cain he’d be in trouble and if it was Zander, then he’d just feel awful about it. It wasn’t the first time he’d felt like this, the familiar weight on his chest making it hard for him to focus or think clearly, his thoughts bouncing back and forth between everything that felt wrong at the moment. Too loud, too bright, too much, just want everything to stop, He thought anxiously. 

 He’d been overwhelmed like this before, but before it was easier to handle, easier to isolate himself from the things he felt were driving him crazy. Even if he had to endure it through work, he could handle it, he’d always been good at hiding what was wrong with him. Endure it for the day, get home, lock himself in his room under a pile of blankets and just take in the silence, the comfort around him, feeling all the tension in his body wind down. Right now, he wanted that feeling more than anything.

 He couldn’t have that though, not yet anyway. He had no choice but to let that stress build up throughout the day, waiting for the worst part of the evening. He hated to see Zander fight, but he knew tonight would be worse, knew he couldn’t handle everything that came with a fight.

 He anxiously picked at his fingers the entire ride there, even when Zander grabbed his hand to try and stop him, he couldn’t stop fidgeting, trying to dig his thumbnail into his index finger, trying to pick away at the skin around the nail. It was all he could think to focus on, to relieve even the slightest bit of anxiety building up inside of him. He almost wished he were the one fighting, just to do something to distract his mind, but he knew he’d be useless like this, knew he’d just get hurt if he tried to fight when he couldn’t even keep his thoughts straight. 

 Once there, he swore he was going to drop dead. The crowds, the people, it was all too much, everyone talking at once, shouting over others to be heard. He couldn’t help but whimper when he was separated from Zander, the only comforting person he had in this situation, but Cain hardly noticed his distress, dragging him along after him. He felt pathetic, he was tearing up just because of some noise, he had to furiously blink them away, he couldn’t have handled Cain ridiculing him for it.

 As he expected, it got so much worse when the fights actually started. This time he couldn’t help but cover his ears, hunched over in his seat, and Cain didn’t seem to care, too focused on the senseless violence he’d come to watch. Stop stop stop, please just make it all stop, it’s too much, too loud, I can’t take it anymore, He thought, his eyes squeezed shut as he wished he could’ve drowned out all the noise around him. By now his head was hurting from all the overstimulation, a pounding in his skull that he couldn’t escape no matter how hard he tried. 

 He didn’t want to look up when it was Zander’s turn, he didn’t want to see him get hurt, but Cain grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to sit up, forcing him to pay attention, laughing at the way Wren cried out in pain. He hated his laugh, he wanted to hit him, he just wanted to make him shut the fuck up. He kept his hands clasped over his ears, it didn’t help much but it was still better than if he hadn’t done it. It was the only small comfort he had right now, he was going to hang on to it for dear life.

 Watching Zander fight was always hard for him, he hated it more than anything. He often forgot just how violent he could really be, sometimes he found it hard to believe the vicious person in the ring was the same kind and gentle person he’d been living with for months now. The worst part was knowing Zander would be hurt though, new bruises, new scars on top of old ones, blood that would need to be cleaned and injuries that would need to be tended to, and he wanted to help him so bad but at the same time he feared he would be useless as he was. 

 It was a relief that Zander won, a relief to know he wouldn’t have to endure more pain than necessary. Cain was in a good mood, he was always in a good mood when they won, and Wren just hoped it would last until they got home, until this exhausting day could finally be over. He felt stupid for being so upset over everything, it was by no means the worst day he’d endured here, and Zander had suffered so much more than he did. He was fine, he was unhurt, all of his anxiety and stress meant nothing when he wasn’t even the one forced to fight that day, forced into a dangerous situation just for others’ entertainment. Once again he found himself angry at the situation, angry that people actually enjoyed this, angry that him and Zander and so many others were suffering for nothing more than amusement. 

 He tried to keep himself together. Zander was hurt, he’d need help and Wren was the only one who would be able to give him that. He just needed to last until Zander was taken care of, that was all he wanted, even though he was trembling, even though his head hurt and his thoughts had gone to nonsense static, even though he was miserable, all he wanted was to be of some help to him. He tried so hard, but as soon as they were back at the house, as soon as the door was locked and they were alone, he knew he was going to fall apart. 

 He leaned against the door, taking slow, deep breaths, trying to calm down enough that he could help Zander, who was looking at him worriedly. He seemed to be doing better than he normally was after a fight, less blood than usual, but Wren still wanted to help if he needed it, he just wanted to be useful. He knew that was going to be hard right now though, his hands were shaking so bad he wasn’t sure he’d be much help to him.

 “Wren, are you alright…?” Zander asked cautiously. “You’ve been off all day, what’s wrong…?”

 “Nothing.” He insisted, but really he didn’t know how to put it into words, didn’t know if Zander would understand that it was too much. He’d gotten confused looks from people before when he tried to explain it, he’d tried long winded explanations to simply saying his brain was “bad”, no matter what he didn’t know how to explain that nothing was really wrong but at the same time everything felt wrong. 

 “Wren…-”

 “Nothing is wrong, really, I promise, I’m just- I’m just being stupid, that’s it, really, I’m fine.” He told him, the words coming faster than he could think of them. “I’m sorry- it, it’s really not a big deal, it just happens sometimes, don’t worry about me, you’re hurt, you need help, I-I can still help, I promise.” He told him, his eyes darting around the room as he rambled, unable to stop himself. 

 “You’re not being stupid.” Zander said, keeping his voice soft. He approached him slowly, and when Wren didn’t flinch or shrink away, he seemed to take that as a good sign, gently taking him by the shoulder and guiding him over to the bed, sitting down with him.

 “W-wait- you need help, you’re hurt, I can still help.” He told him, looking up at him almost desperately. “Just- ignore me, ignore this, I can help…”

 “No, not like this.” Zander told him. “I’m fine, it’s nothing I can’t handle on my own. I’ve been doing it by myself long enough, you need a break.” 

 “No I don’t! You’re the one who's hurt, I’m fine!” He couldn’t bear to let him do this alone, not when he was right here, not when he wasn’t even hurt. He was overreacting, to everything, he was sure of it, and he didn’t want an overreaction to stop him from helping out. 

 “You’re not fine.” Zander said, almost sternly. “You’re freaking out, I can tell. Have you been feeling like this all day?” He asked him, and Wren hesitated before nodding, glancing away from him. 

 “I’m fine…” He said again, less sure this time, but he knew Zander wasn’t buying it. He slipped his arm around his shoulders, pulling him close, and Wren couldn’t help but relax the slightest bit, the weight of his arm around him comforting him.

 “What’s wrong?” He asked gently. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

 “N-no, nothings wrong, it’s, I’m just dumb…” he said slowly. “Nothing is actually wrong it’s just… too much… everything is too much, the-the lights and every sound and smell, just everything…” He told him, waiting for that confusion, waiting to be told to get over it, to suffer it in silence like he normally would’ve. 

 “How can I help?” He asked, and really he shouldn’t have been surprised that Zander would ask that instead of anything else. “You said this happens sometimes, what do you normally do?” He asked him. 

 “I… hide.” He laughed tiredly. “I just… normally I’m home and I just… hide in bed… turn the lights off, make everything stop until it all goes away…”

 “Until what goes away…?”

 “The… the feeling…” He raised his hand, pointing at his chest. “The weight, the feeling that I’m getting wound up more and more until I eventually break, but if, if I can calm down, get away from everything that’s too much, then I’ll unwind, then I won’t break…” He felt stupid explaining it, when he said it out loud it sounded ridiculous to him, but Zander just nodded, letting go of him and standing up. 

 “You need to rest, then.” He told him. 

 “But, you…-“

 “Wren. You’re kind enough to help me every time. It’s okay to take a break, especially if you’ve been feeling like this all damn day. Just lay down, I’ll keep quiet, okay?” He said, and Wren knew he wasn’t going to be argued with.

 “I… okay… thank you…” He said softly, and Zander smiled at him, turning off the light for him before he went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. 

 Wren took a deep breath, sighing in relief. It was a start, at least, the silence of the room settled over him like a soft blanket, comforting and safe, no more noise to grate in his ears. He laid back on the bed, grabbing a pillow and holding it over his face, only moving it slightly so he could breathe. Slowly, he could feel the tension leaving his body a little bit at a time, the weight on his chest getting lighter and lighter.

 He tried to concentrate on breathing, in and out, slow deep breaths he could focus on rather than bouncing from panicked thought to panicked thought. His brain was too busy, too loud, the worst offender when everything else had finally settled down. He was used to that though, that had been a constant in his life for as long as he could remember. Focusing on his breathing was the best distraction he had right now, letting himself wind down from the stress that had kept him on edge all day long. 

 As he finally calmed down, it hit him just how exhausted he was. It was more than just wanting to sleep, it was something he felt to his very core, the need to take a break from everything, the need to escape in a way that he just couldn’t right now. He tried not to let that bother him though, he would accept any bit of relief he could get in this place. Exhaustion was so much better compared to the overwhelming weight he’d felt earlier. 

 ***

��By the time Zander came back into the room, Wren had fallen into a much needed sleep. Zander was just happy to see him relaxed, he couldn’t imagine spending a whole day feeling the way Wren had felt. He wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced what he had described, maybe to a lesser degree, but it sounded horrible. 

 He couldn’t help but notice his fingers, always covered in scrapes and scratches that Wren would pick at until he bled. He’d been going at it all day, Zander suspected he took advantage of the times he wasn’t watching him since he usually tried to make him stop. He didn’t know how to make him quit that for good, but he could at least take care of him now, hoping he was in a deep enough sleep to not wake up when Zander touched his hands. 

 He went back into the bathroom for a moment, grabbing some band aids before going back to Wren, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He was careful while he worked, not moving his hands more than necessary, just enough to get the bandages around his fingers. He’d practically destroyed the skin around his nails, Zander couldn’t imagine the constant discomfort that must’ve caused him. He hoped the band aids would help a little bit, or make him leave them alone long enough they healed. He doubted it would work, but he hoped for it anyway, hoped that Wren could escape even the smallest of pain.

 Once he’d finished he practically collapsed next to Wren, ready to fall asleep beside him. He was tired, and sore, but really the only thing on his mind was Wren and that feeling he’d described, that hell he must’ve been in all day long. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for not noticing sooner, not doing anything to help earlier, but he hoped that now that he knew, he could help him in the future. 

 They suffered enough as it was, if he could help Wren get rid of any of that stress he felt, he was more than happy to do it.

[one-boring-person]

Unexpected Resistance (Part Four)

The Terminator (1984) x OC

Warnings: swearing, mention of violence

Context: Kyle, Sarah and the T-750 find somewhere to stay the night.

A/N: I've had this written for a month now, but totally forgot to upload it, so here it is, a hell of a long time after part three was written😅 there is more to this story than the plot line we have in mind, but it may take time to be created

Co-written by: @jawline-of-steel

Masterlist

Sparks fly as Kyle messes with the wires of the car, his hands shaking too badly to work quickly enough for his liking, the imminent danger that may be approaching causing him to bite his lip and curse his own clumsiness. In the seat beside him, Sarah is anxiously staring back at the door they left through, eyes wide from the shock of what has happened. Vaguely, the soldier feels a burst of pity for her, this turn of events being anything less than normal for her, though he is well aware of the fact that it is not her fault. 

Sighing, he touches the two wires together again, exhaling triumphantly when the engine suddenly growls to life, the dashboard lights flickering on as he takes the steering wheel in hand, going to release the hand brake until Sarah grabs his arm.

"What?" He hisses, eager to get out of this place, away from their pursuer.

"L-look." She stammers, pointing through the window at the door they left through, which has now been thrown from its hinges.

Curious, Kyle ducks to peer through the window, inhaling sharply as he catches sight of the figure in the doorway. Through the smoke pouring from the door, the T-750 manages to step through, her stride slowed by the hulking body she is dragging behind her. Kyle tenses as he recognises the unmistakable bulk of the T-800, the limp cyborg totally still and unmoving as he is painstakingly pulled over the uneven tarmac. 

With a militant efficiency, the T-750 makes her way over to another car, breaking into it and carefully bundling the other terminator into the backseat, climbing into the driver's seat. Seconds later, she's pulled up next to Kyle and Sarah, having hotwired the vehicle accordingly, turning to stare at the former through the broken window, revealing her marred face to him.

"You should not have stayed. There was a greater chance of your compromise with you still present." She intones, expression remaining neutral.

"I was a second away from going, ok?" Kyle protests, annoyed that a cyborg is scolding him, "Did you subdue it?"

"Affirmative." The T-750 affirms, revving the engine, "I will lead us to a place of nearby residence."

Just as she goes to pull away, Sarah interrupts, calling out to the terminator.

"Can't we just go to my apartment?" 

"Negative." The cyborg fixes her with a stare, "Your place of residence is under police surveillance and is an impossible area to reach, as the T-800 is now a wanted criminal. We must leave the city."

"But...what about Pugsley?" Sarah questions, eyes wide.

"The term "Pugsley" is not listed in my files and is therefore of no importance." The T-750 states, gripping the steering wheel.

"He's my pet, ok? I can't just leave him!" Sarah argues, scowling at the cyborg angrily, "I need to go get him!"

"This serves no purpose." The terminator recites, turning her gaze to the front of the car, "We must reach a place of safety before the T-800 recalibrates its systems."

"Screw you, bitch! I'm gonna go get Pugsley, whether you like it or not." Sarah spits at her protector, signalling for Kyle to drive, "You go find somewhere to stay on your own."

Before the terminator can reply, Kyle interjects, looking at Sarah.

"How about we find somewhere to stay first, and then we can go get some of your stuff after, once we've cleaned up a bit. We've got the bastard now, and I don't want him to start trying to kill us again." He suggests, gesturing vaguely to the prone terminator in the back of the T-750's car.

Sarah pouts but nods, seemingly having thought this decision through a little more. Content, the T-750 pulls out in front of them and drives off onto the main road, expecting the other two to follow her, which they do. 

It takes around forty five minutes to find a suitable motel and settle down into it, the limp body of the T-800 turning some heads as the T-750 drags it into the lobby of said motel. Heeding these looks no mind, the terminator simply books a pair of rooms and locates them, efficiently securing their captive to one of the beds with whatever available stuff there is. Soon, the muscular cyborg is left tied where he is, the T-750 sitting on a chair opposite him as she patiently waits for Kyle to follow her instructions, having stated now that, in order to remain inconspicuous, she must also be reprogrammed. 

"My CPU must be removed and the default preferences reset." She reveals, keeping her eyes fixed on the T-800.

"But why? Can't you just...learn...to fit in better?" Sarah questions, looking over the cyborg curiously.

"The Resistance set my CPU so that I will only take in new knowledge and use it when necessary, meaning I appear less human and more robotic in nature. It implies that I am unable to make decisions for myself and must follow possible routes to achieving my main objectives. Resetting this will make me more susceptible to imprinting, which will allow me to pick up on human activities and incorporate them into my own actions, which will make me appear more humane. It will allow me to register electrical impulses that the human brain associates with emotion, but this will require time to fully develop. This is also the parameter of what will happen to the T-800." She clarifies, taking out the nail kit from before and handing it to Kyle.

"Wait, so you'll be able to feel? And have thoughts?" Sarah wonders aloud, surprised by this.

"Affirmative. I will be able to recognise the equivalent of a human thought."

"Ok, so how do I do this?" Kyle asks, standing over the terminator in confusion. 

"Follow my instruction carefully." The T-750 commands, tilting her head forwards slightly, "Cut back a flap of skin, just here."

She gestures to the area accordingly, sitting still as Kyle takes out the nail scissors and slowly starts working at the synthetic skin. It takes him a moment, but soon enough the layer folds back to reveal a gleaming chrome skull. A circular indent is set into the surface, screws holding it in place.

"You will need to remove this cover. Use the necessary tools for this." The T-750 explains, ignoring the flashing warnings on her HUD as Kyle selects one and starts twisting one of the screws loose. This time, the process takes a little longer, the protective cap finally coming free of the exoskeleton after ten minutes of dogged work.

"Now use the tweezers to take out the CPU, which you should be able to see. I will be deactivated until it is replaced. All that you are required to do is flick the switch on the underside of the chip." She informs the soldier, waiting patiently as he takes out the tweezers, carefully taking hold of the visible CPU. With a jerk, it comes free.

The T-750 goes still, eyes going dead.

Part Five

[crookswithbooks]

Pay Attention To Me

Notes: Finally! Sorry this came out so late, I was busy with Christmas plans and other projects and everything just got so behind, but here it is at last. Merry several days late Christmas everyone, and Happy New Year’s Eve!

Day Twelve - Lestat is feeling overlooked so he goes out on the town to find his own entertainment. 

The world was covered in twilight. Trees became villains reaching out and the moon illuminated menacing shadows on the pavement. The air smelled of rain, and even then tiny droplets pattered against the ground. Slowly they melted the scattered patches of snow lingering on the rooftops of buildings and covering the cobbled streets. Inside their tiny house, Louis sat curled on the couch, a book held upright in his hands with his eyes roaming the pages absently. He toyed with a wineglass, twisting it between his fingers and occasionally lifting the glass to his lips. Mostly, though, he sat, and Lestat could not take it anymore.

“Louis.” There was no response, not even a tilt of the head as acknowledgment. “Louis? I know you can hear me and this little charade you are keeping up is ridiculous and childish.”

Louis sighed, a long and suffering sound that dragged on Lestat’s ears. “I can hear you fine. As you can see, I am otherwise occupied.” He held up the book in evidence and promptly returned to it.

Lestat watched him from his chair, an old chair he had found in one of the antique stores the modern era was so fond of. It reminded him of the old days when it was just the two of them and Claudia and they were happy. His sharp nails tapped against the wood impatiently, eyes narrowing at Louis’s continued dismissiveness.

Finally he could stand it no longer and stood up, stalking over to the brunet. He kneeled beside him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pressing his mouth to the nape of his neck. If Louis registered the movement he hid it well, not so much as blinking at the action. Lestat opened his mouth, softly suckling the sensitive skin contained there.

“Lestat.”

Lestat grinned against him. “Yes my love?”

“I know what you are doing and I am not in the mood. I would like to continue my reading in peace if you don’t mind.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Lestat replied innocently, gently digging in his teeth. He could feel the shudder run through Louis’s body, though he tried to repress it.

“Lestat,” he breathed and closed his eyes. He did not, Lestat noticed, try and stop him.

Lestat’s teeth dug in just a bit more until he had pierced skin and he could feel the warm sensation of blood coiling against his tongue. He savored the taste, gently sucking the liquid from his neck until finally Louis gasped and reached a hand back, gripping Lestat’s hair and pulling him back.

“That’s enough.”

“I don’t think it is.” Lestat moved to take more but Louis turned at last, dropping his book and grapping Lestat by the front of his jacket, pulling him close.

“I said,” Louis hissed, not breaking eye contact. “That’s enough.”

Lestat smiled deviously in a way that could not fail to provoke and raised an eyebrow. “And what will you do if I don’t?”

Louis considered him for a moment and then, to Lestat’s great disappointment, released his jacket and settled himself on the couch once more, picking back up his book. “I shall leave and then you’ll be alone, something I know you hate far more than boredom.”

Lestat snapped his teeth impatiently, rising to his full height. “You’re dreadfully boring, you know? I do all these nice things for you, build you this house, provide for you, fill our lives with fanciful wonders that most people only dream of, and the only thing I ask is that my lover pay even the slightest attention to me but you cannot do even that.”

Louis marked a page in his book, placing it besides him on the couch and turning a glare on his partner. “You bought this house, Lestat, from a shady man you met in an ad, and the entire thing is falling apart as it is.”

“It’s called an antique,” Lestat sniffed haughtily.

“I provide for myself, thank you very much, unless you mean the little boys you leave littered around the house like some kind of deranged cat, bleeding all over our carpet that I bought. And your fanciful wonders, as you call them, are nothing but meaningless trinkets you forget about the day after. For goodness sake Lestat, there is a boar’s head hanging on our wall!”

“Well excuse me for trying to bring something of the outside world into our home, or else you would never see it!” Lestat began to pace the room and Louis watched him with an expression of reluctant interest. “You spend all day cooped up in here, and I am tired of it! You need to live!”

“I already lived.”

“No,” Lestat corrected. “You were alive. There is a difference, in case you weren’t aware. You spend these centuries sulking like an insolent child and the only thing that excites you now is death. You dream of it, staring longingly at flames and daggers like a fool. Yet you never have the courage to go through with it, because in the end you are a coward. Scared of living, scared of dying. And I, for one, am sick of it.”

Lestat turned around, whirling out the doorway in a huff. Louis watched him for a moment, before picking back up his book and turning a page.

Lestat was enraged.

He found himself in a small town miles away from the house he had stormed out of. He was not entirely sure where he was, merely that it was somewhere where Louis was not which was enough for the time being. He strolled the cobbled streets, watching bundled humans hurry back to their houses for the night.

Lestat couldn’t believe him. He did everything he possibly could for Louis’s sake and still he found himself scorned in the end. He was willing to ignore all of Louis’s little rebellions, all the times he ran away from him, tried to kill him, replaced him with someone new—he was willing to ignore it all because that’s what you did when you loved someone. You forgave them. Unfortunately, it appeared that Louis had not received that message.

He wanted entertainment. The thought came to him seemingly on a whim, but as he examined it further he realized that the desire had been there all along. If Louis was going to continue to be obstinate and ignore him, than he would seek amusement elsewhere.

The scent of blood was heavy in the air. It always was during the wintertime, heat brought quickly to the surface as their frail human bodies fought to keep them alive. Lestat inhaled, his path following the particularly alluring smell of a dashing youth in his twenties with dark hair that curled in the most lovely fashion about his ears. He made sure to keep a decent amount of distance between him and the boy, twisting in and around patrons of the tiny city.

The boy appeared to be rushing somewhere, his steps hurried and anxious. He cast furtive glances to either side as he slipped into a small alleyway, disappearing into the darkness. Lestat narrowed his eyes, a predatory grin glinting on his features. He had always enjoyed the chase, far more than the others had.

He kept close to the wall, tracking the boy’s coattails carefully as they flapped in the hurtling breeze. He heard the murmur of voices and peered around the stairwell he had been clutching at. It was then that he realized that the boy was not alone.

A girl, maybe ten years older than him, smiled lovingly as the boy pulled out a bundle of flowers he had been concealing under his cloak. She had beautiful auburn hair that fell about her shoulders in wind-swept waves. As he watched her examine the flowers and then the boy with a critical eye, he recognized the same cold gestures that Louis often reserved for him, only more calculating than Louis’s bland apathy. She was toying with him. That much was obvious. It made sense, what with the age difference and shady rendezvous in back alleys.

“I picked these especially for you,” the boy explained in excited whispers, clutching her slender fingers in his own, wonderingly. “I thought you might like them. They’re red like your hair.”

Lestat had done much of the same thing once for Louis. A young man with the most beautiful green eyes, black hair slinking down to his chin, much the same as Louis himself, had been left in his bedroom as a gift. Louis had not taken kindly to it, to say the least.

The woman accepted the gift with disdainful eyes, but pressed them close to her heart. “Thank you. I will treasure them. Do you have the rest?”

There was a moment when the boy, so spellbound by the woman was he, did not take notice of her words. The next moment he blinked, snapping himself back into action, and reached inside his cloak again to pull out a bundle of herbs that Lestat recognized as a very rare type of medicine. “O-Of course! Here you are.”

The herbs were regarded with much more care than the flowers had been and she tucked it carefully into her bosom, far beyond the prying eyes of strangers. “Thank you. Father will be ecstatic to have these.”

“And now?” the boy asked anxiously, licking his lips. Lestat felt something inside him surge at the simple action, but he held back for now, desiring to see where this would go first. He had wanted to be entertained after all. “What you promised in return?”

“Of course.” The woman slipped her hands from the grip of the boy, placing them securely on his hips and tugging him closer. She leaned in till they were only inches away, his face flushed with expectation, their combined breath mingling. Silky lips met his and Lestat allowed himself to watch the spectacle for a couple seconds more before springing into action.

Lestat was fast in the way that shadows were fast, there one moment and gone the next. He held the woman tight in his grip, ripped cruelly away from their kiss. He held one arm around her waist, securing her to him, and the other hand tilted her head back firmly, revealing the pale expanse of her neck.

“Olivia!” the boy exclaimed, anger and panic mixing on his features. He turned on Lestat, taking a step forward. “What are you doing, sir?”

“Saving you from what is sure to be a nasty relationship,” Lestat answered, lowering his lips to her trembling skin, his own curls falling over her revealed shoulders. “She is quite the beauty, though, I will agree.”

“Let me go!” the woman cried impetuously, struggling against his hold. “You can’t do this!”

She stilled instantly as his lips were replaced by fangs, pressing sharply into the skin. “Oh but I believe I can.”

 Louis was not on the couch when he returned home. Lestat carefully placed both bodies on the sofa, taking a moment to trace a loving stroke down the unconscious boy’s cheek. “Louis? I’ve brought us dinner.”

He frowned at the lack of reply. He swept from the parlor room, searching the house for any sign of his undead lover. When he reached the bedroom finally and there was still no sign of him, he started to think that maybe he had gone out, angry as well after their fight. What he was instead met with was the sudden presence of a body pressed up against his own, their stance quite mirroring that of Lestat’s earlier in the alley. Lestat stiffened, a thrill of pleasure rushing down his spine.

“Hello Louis,” he said pleasantly, casting a glance back at him. “Finally come around, have you?”

“I have finished my book.”

Lestat closed his eyes as Louis peppered his shoulders and neck with gentle kisses. It was then that he remembered that he was mad at the latter and slipped out of his grip, turning around to glare at him with crossed arms. “And just why should I forgive you? You treated me horribly earlier, and now you expect me to come crawling back into your arms?”

“It’s Christmas,” Louis pointed out. His cheeks were flushed, evident of a recent kill, and his eyes sparkled with a lustful desire that always served to weaken Lestat.

“We’re heathens, Louis,” Lestat responded dryly.

Louis merely shrugged. “Okay. Well if you don’t want my company, I suppose I will go find something else to do. There is another book by this esteemed dead writer that I’ve been meaning to get to—”

Louis found himself pinned against the bed in the next instant, the bedframe rattling in protest. “You will be doing no such thing,” Lestat snarled, leaning down to press hungry, envious kisses against his lips. “You will stay here with me and if you’re lucky I might let you go in the morning.”

Louis smiled, the clear winner. There were would be other battles, but the round of that night belonged to him. “That’s what I thought. What about dinner.”

“Fuck dinner.”

“Gladly.”

“Git.”

Later Lestat would remember that he was mad at the other, but for right now he chose to exemplify it in the forming of violent sex, a love language they both understood well. 

Neither one of them could be really mad at the situation, in the end. 

[punkiepunzyl]

BLADE TO THE PULSE-

RZ!Michael Myers x Reader

Chapter 1:

Volunteer Hours Be Damned

—————————————————

1.de·lu·sion·al

/dəˈlo͞oZH(ə)nəl/

adjective

* characterized by or holding idiosyncratic beliefs or impressions that are contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder.

2.psy·chot·ic

/sīˈkädik/

adjective

* psychotic

relating to, denoting, or suffering from a psychosis.

———————————————————

The first is even worst than the second

Because the second has the gall to be cruel when venting

The first is idiotic at best and naive at worst-

At least with the second you know it's only a matter of time

Before they burst...

———————————————————

"Yeah Mom, I know...I won't-ok...l-love you too. B-." Dial tone followed the abrupt ending to a call that had barely begun. Sighing I glanced up at the neon clock that dimly illuminated my half of the dorm room that I shared with my roommate Kat.

3:49 A.M.

'Why do I want to be a veterinarian again?' Groaning I let my head flop against the clammy light oak wood desk that was provided by the college- and immediately regretted the decision to be so reckless with my body as the tender tissue of my forehead throbbed violently.

"Fucking midterms," I whimpered'"I should've planned better for this." It wasn't that I didn't know the material- I knew it very well- it was my fragile 3.65 GPA, that was hanging in the balance, along with all of my scholarships.

Now here I was at- I glanced back up at the clock-

3:56 A.M.

On a Sunday night.

Suddenly tears of frustration pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I quickly pressed the heels of palms against my lids, because if I started crying now- I wouldn't be able to stop.

I glared at three textbooks spread out on the desk, that were equally judging me in their own way.

"Fuck it."

Dejectedly I closed my books and put them away in my backpack and decided to get ready for bed.

Shuffling sleepily across the 625 sq foot room I trudged past the shared area in the room and noticed the tv was still on, and began rummaging around attempting to locate the remote to turn off the waste of electricity; when then news report for earlier that night began to replay:

"Tonight, the small town of Haddonfield holds vigil for Judith Myers birthday. Judith Myers was 17 years old when she was killed by her 10 year old brother Michael Myers. Some 15 years later the community is still on shock. Judy would've been 32 this year. Michael is now 25 years old and is being held at the Smith's Grove Sanitarium-where he will live out the rest of his lif-"

Losing interest I turned of the tv (I heard about Michael every damn day from my mother), I resumed my nightly ritual of showering- dealing with my hair and picking out my outfit for next the next morning. When I did finally make it to my bed- the fatigue I'd been so keenly keeping at bay, washed over me and gently suffocated be down into the world of sleep.

———————————————————

1 WEEK LATER

———————————————————

Midterms went by smoother than anticipated and I felt a weight lift of my chest, as I made my way around campus. My biology professor Mrs. Whelhers had asked to speak with me regarding a matter for my thesis. And lack of volunteer hours. I looked up at the cloudless sky and sun filled my already impaired vision as I sped walked to the labs, certain that someone was going to jump me for walking alone. My rather feverish anxiousness seemed to roll over me in waves and I clung tighter to my leather crossbody messenger bag that was already digging painfully into my shoulder- the strap taut with the weight of my textbooks.

Luckily I finished my journey completely unscathed- and made my way over to my professors office.

"Mrs.Whelers?" I quietly knocked on the door before calling out again. "It's (Y/N)! You said you needed to speak to me regarding my thesis! I can come back if n-"

Mid sentence the door swung open to reveal a very VERY hungover Mrs.Whelers. I simply stared at her, dumbfounded as I attempted to make sense of her disheveled appearance.

She had heavy purple bags under her eyes- which were rimmed a violent red around her amber irises. Her usually neat strawberry blonde hair looked it was attacked by birds on her way to work, and as for her clothes the were wrinkled. I'd spotted more than on fraying hem and food stain along her skirt and sleeves of her chiffon blouse.

"M-Mrs.Wheler? Are you all right?" I murmured then proceeded to reiterate

What I'd stupidly said a few moments before. "If now isn't a good time for you I would gladly come back another day."

But deep down I also knew that my thesis would be due within the next 5 months and therefore I really couldn't dodge around whatever necessary information she had for me. Especially if it had to do with my volunteering.

Instead the 60 year old woman shook her head and gestured for me to enter the office and waved with a shaky left hand- her wedding ring gleaming in the sunlight that lazily drifted through the tall windows in her office.

Mrs.Whelers began speaking as she sat down, but her words fell on distracted,deaf ears. I'd begun drinking the appearance of the office, all rich maple built in that showed hints of a reddish glow under their glossy finish. 

My professor sighed heavily and immediately I was snapped out of my little trance. My eyes blurred, suddenly watery and after blinking hard to avoid a wave of exhaustion- they refocused with the  precision of a camera lens behind my harsh prescription glasses. 

"I-I'm sorry, could you repeat that...I was a bit caught up in a thought." I mumbled embarrassed that I'd allowed myself to be distracted so easily. Mrs.Whelers looked me up and down cautiously, her eyes narrowing slightly as though she was trying to read the fine print on a document. I stared back at her sheepishly, eyes meeting hers then flitting away nervously. 

I've always been this way when it came to eye contact- skittish and desperate to get away from it. If someone stares at me for too long- I begin to sweat profusely, nausea washing over me like a tsunami...then suddenly my skin feels like its on fire and I'll attempt to find anything on my body to pick at; my face, my arms, my nails, and by the end of it all I'm covered in nicks and scars from my own impulsiveness.

"I was saying Ms.(Y/L/N), that the volunteer hours needed along side your associates thesis are incomplete. Failure to complete said volunteer hours will result in the inability to graduate this upcoming June with the rest of class. More importantly- you will have to redo this past semester, out of your own pocket, your scholarship won't cover you."

"But that'a completely unfair!" I began to protest jumping up almost instantaneously. "I couldn't find the proper volunteer work, every clinic in a 50 mile radius was full for the next THREE MONTHS! I tried every which way possible to squeeze in somewhere; no exceptions could be made!" 

"Unfortunately Ms.(Y/L/N) that isn't my problem- you either find a way to make up the time- in a way that would be approved by the school, or you don't graduate this June. That's final." 

I felt tears swell in my eyes and rushed to grab my bag; I had every intention to run out the door before Mrs.Whelers put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. 

"I didn't call you here to be the bearer of bad news, I wanted to talk about what options you may have; that have been pre-approved by the board..."

I sniffled sitting back down in the white leather arm chair that was seated in front of Mrs.Whelers’ desk. "You already spoke to the board?"

"Yes, they were quite curious as to why a student that has managed to be in the top of her class the past two years, hasn't completed something as simple as her volunteer hours. They realized rather quickly it must've had something to do with the availably of hours, and came up with another idea."

I glanced up at her curiously, "Which is?"

She began to pace around behind her desk as she spoke,"Well considering spring break begins at the end of this Friday- and you will be home for the next week-"

I opened my mouth to tell her there where no clinics back at home that did volunteer work for college students-but she waved a hand dismissively before I could.

"We at the board decided that we would like for you start a branch of animal therapy at Smith's Grove, we know your mother works- so she could be a guide to helping you with patients at first, but this could look really good for your transcripts. What do you think?"

I considered the offer momentarily- I knew getting Mother to agree wouldn't be an issue in the slightest- she’d been trying to get me to work with her at Smith’s for years...

“I could speak to her about it.” I said definitively then added “I’ll email you if she approves of the arrangement.” With a soft smile I moved once more to grab my messenger crossbody and sling it over my shoulder.

“Should your mother accept the boards offer for your volunteer hours I will message to board directly on your behalf, alright?” Mrs. Whelers said leading me to the door. As she opened it I nodded as I passed by- relieved that this problem would most likely have a solution and as long as I completed my 100 hours of volunteer work in the next week, my scholarship and graduation that lie a few months ahead will be safe...

“Have a good spring break (Y/N)!”

“You too Mrs.Whelers...”

Volunteer hours be damned...

***********************************************

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of Blade to the Pulse ☺️. I already have the next few chapters planned so expect an update within the next week or two...

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Chapter Forty-Three

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: trigger warnings for suggested abortions

Sitting still and being patient was driving Lev nuts, but he watched Cameron anxiously. He’d been told he was well enough today to see Eden, and while he waited for Nate to bring Eden over, he fidgeted anxiously. Nik hadn’t gotten out of bed either, and was curled into Lev. Lev petted his hair lightly, just to have something to do.

Shrieks of laughter announced Eden’s presence long before Nate appeared in the doorway. When she saw Lev, she kicked excitedly, babbling out a quick, “DaDaDaDa.”

Unexpectedly Lev’s eyes welled up. “She- she’s saying my name,” he said, sitting up enough he dislodged Nik.

Nik whined at him. Lev patted his hair, but reached out for Eden.

The moment Eden was in Lev’s lap, she smacked his face. Lev caught her hands even as she babbled angrily at him.

“I’m sorry bitty girl,” Lev said gently. In retaliation, she headbutted him. “Eden!” Lev scolded, touching his nose. At that her eyes filled with black tears, and she started crying. Lev switched gears immediately, tucking her close.

“You know she’s manipulating you, yes?” Cameron asked dryly.

“After being gone for four months, I think she’s entitled,” Lev mumbled, pressing a kiss to Eden’s hair. “I’m right here, baby. Did you miss me?”

Her little nails dug into his skin, but Lev just hummed. “Did Cameron send your clothes?” Lev asked, pointedly not looking in Cameron’s direction. “Someone needs to get some color for your wardrobe.”

“Like yours is any better,” Cameron replied.

Lev looked down at his black hoodie and grey tee shirt. “Fair,” Lev admitted. “But I was making attempts. My sweaters are colorful. Nik picked them out.”

“Exactly. Nik did.”

“I picked out the bear pyjamas. Which I still can't find, by the way.” Lev’s bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

“And you’ll never find them,” Cameron said without mercy. When Lev stuck his tongue out at him, all Cameron said was, “Careful.”

Lev hummed once more, and returned his attention to Eden.

---

Ash showed up a few hours later with the intentions of checking both Nik and Lev over, especially after he had allowed Nate to bring Eden for Lev to see. He had waited for Nate to bring the little hellion back before heading that way.

Unsurprisingly he found them in Lev’s bed. Ash leaned against the bedroom doorway, watching how Nik was curled into Lev as close as he could possibly get. He wasn’t going to keep that up for long if he was planning on keeping the fetus. Or if he wasn’t planning on telling either Cameron or Lev, even if he did suspect Cameron had his suspicions.

He debated on waiting to see if Lev would wake for their appointment but decided to go talk to Cameron in the kitchen instead. As much as Cameron irritated him, he couldn’t help but appreciate just how nice Cameron’s kitchen was. The sleek black marble and appliances to match contrasted deeply against Cameron’s moonwhite skin and even paler hair.

Cameron seemed to be skillfully chopping up vegetables at the kitchen island in pure silence and did not even look up when he gave a firm, “Sit.”

Ash fought the urge to turn around and leave right then, instead he sat across from the ass and swiped an apple for his troubles. He bit down into it and looked at him. “So.”

Cameron sliced into the broccoli deliberately before looking up at him. “What.”

Ash hummed for a long moment, mostly just to waste Cameron’s time. “We, uh, gonna keep trading one word sentences? Or?”

Cameron held direct eye contact while he resumed his slicing. “Well?”

“How was Lev with Eden, today?” he asked, knowing Cameron was going to keep being a petty petulant dick until Ash got to his point.

Cameron went back to chopping up his vegetables. “He stayed in bed for the whole duration. When he started to get exhausted I had Nate take Eden and leave. He’s been sleeping since they left. As has Nik.”

Ash thrummed his fingers along the black marble. “And how has Nik been?”

Cameron put down the knife and leaned forward on his delicate hands. “Why don’t we skip the part where we pretend you don't know I already know,” he suggested flatly. “Stop wasting my time.”

Ash took another bite from his apple. “What was it that tipped it off? The drinking comment or the Nik being overly emotional?”

Cameron lifted a slight brow. “Nik is always being overly emotional,” he replied, “and you’ve never tried cutting back his drinking until now. So I wouldn’t say you were being all that subtle.”

“Subtlety is not my forté,” Ash said. “And I wasn’t sure if you maintained the brain cells to catch my drift.”

“No worries,” Cameron said, going back to resuming his work, “I know you aren’t capable of commonsense thinking. Of course you wouldn’t realize that I am more intelligent than you.” he flicked Ash a look. “In more ways than one.”

Ash bit his tongue to stop from raising to that bait. “Do you know who the father is?” he asked.

Cameron hesitated so slightly Ash almost did not catch it. “I am.”

“That’s not-”

Cameron gave him a dark look. “I said I am.”

The clipped tone had Ash raising his hands in defense. “Fine. Does Nik know you know?”

Cameron picked back up with a silky smoothness that had a chill running down Ash’s spine. “No. He does not want me knowing, so I’m going to play ignorance and pretend that it’s not painfully obvious.”

“That’s rather kind of you,” Ash observed.

“No,” Cameron said. “It’s a waste of my time to make him upset by confronting him about it when I can just wait until he wants to tell me. He only has a finite amount of time to tell me before he either starts showing or decides to terminate it.”

Ash could tell he was telling the truth, for the most part. Even if there was just the slightest flutter that suggested otherwise. Cameron was most likely as well adept at lying as Bay or Nik. Possibly quite more if he lived and breathed court life for five hundred years.

It was then that Lev shuffled into the kitchen with his IV stand in tow. He still looked a bit groggy, but he was awake. Cameron peered narrowly at Lev, but it was Ash that said, “Did you come here without an escort?”

Lev blinked owlishly at them both. “One of the sentries followed me.” he said, moving to sit in one of the chairs.

“I should have made it clear,” Ash said. “When I said I wanted you walking with someone, I meant either Cameron or myself or Amara or someone that isn’t hired help like the sentries.”

Cameron pointed at Lev with his knife. “Never do that again, understood?”

“Okay,” Lev said. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to wake up Nik.”

“How much has Nik been sleeping?” Ash asked, either of them.

“He sleeps whenever Lev sleeps,” Cameron said.

He looked to Lev for confirmation. “What do you say?”

Lev looked a little guilty. “I’ve been sleeping a lot,” he admitted. “I don’t have much else to do.”

It was Cameron that said, “If you’d prefer, I could have you do tasks for me here in the kitchen. Keep you alert. Nothing too difficult.”

Like Cameron was going to let Lev do anything of substance in his kitchen.

“I’d like that,” Lev said, quietly.

It was then that Nik decided to drag his carcass out of the bedroom and come plop down next to Lev. His hair was a mess and he was wearing sweats and a loose black shirt. He snaked his hand into Lev’s and pressed his forehead against Lev’s shoulder. “You left,” he mumbled, still half asleep.

Lev kissed his temple. “You were sleeping.”

“So?” Nik said, petulantly. “You were too.”

“And then I wasn’t.”

Nik groaned and lightly bit Lev’s shoulder before moving back to the counter. He palmed his eyes and looked tiredly at Ash. “I’m guessing you’re here to mother us?”

“Something like that,” Ash said.

Lev gently smacked Nik’s shoulder. “Nik.”

Nik jutted out his bottom lip at Lev. “What?” he mumbled. “He’s always doing that. I’m allowed to call him out on being overbearing for the last nineteen years of my life.”

“He worries about you,” Lev said. “And so do I.”

Nik muttered under his breath and went back to pressing his forehead against Lev’s shoulder. Lev looked back to Ash. “Other than the sleeping, I think I’ve been doing better. I haven’t thrown up in almost a day now.”

Now that was interesting.

“Well I’m glad,” Ash said, finally. “Let’s keep it that way.”

---

Ash waited until it was just him and Lev in the bedroom before deciding to question him further, and to scold him as well. He had helped Lev into bed and had forced Nik out of the room, and had Cameron keep him busy so Ash could work with Lev in peace.

“Cameron said you stayed in bed when seeing Eden?” Ash said, more in asking for confirmation while we went about starting with Lev’s vitals.

Lev nodded. “She was a little mad,” he said, amusement shading his sheepish tone.

“I can imagine,” Ash said, wryly. “She did not make it easy for Bay and Nate. Imagine that little beast at full speed nonstop for the last four months.” On top of a newborn, who luckily, has been well behaved for the most part.

That had the undesirable effect of Lev wincing. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have been there to take care of her.”

“Well,” Ash said, squeezing Lev’s shoulder. “You did what you could. And what you did manage to do, for the most part, stopped her from reigning hell down on my entire family. So.” except for the small part of Lev, well, trying to keep his best friend dead, but considering Lev didn’t have his memories at the moment, he was going to put a pin in that particular bomb.

Lev rubbed at his eyes. “At least I’m back. I can take care of her now.”

“Uh, no,” Ash said. “What you are going to do is not exhaust yourself so you keel over on me. Speaking of. Walking to the kitchen? Alone? See, I remember telling you to do exactly the opposite. And do not try to split hairs with me by saying you had a sentry with you. Like I’d trust a glorified bodyguard to take care of one of my patients. Do something like that again, and I’ll confine your sorry ass to a wheelchair. Then we’ll talk about following orders, Levant.”

“I’m sorry,” Lev said. “I didn’t think about it. It won’t happen again. I don’t wanna die again. Nik needs me.”

“You know you have value outside of what you provide to others, yes?” Ash asked, leaning back. “You can just not wanna die because dying sucks. You don’t need to justify wanting to stay alive.”

Lev looked down at his lap. “I’m sorry,” he said, again. “I don’t know how to change my thinking over night.”

“Well,” Ash said. “Follow my orders and you might just get a hell of a long time to figure out how. Anyways, now that that is hammered into your head, and I am trusting you to not disobey my orders again, tell me how everything went the last few days. Leave nothing out.”

“I kept my last two meals down,” Lev said. “And I’m very tired.”

“Was a three day nap not long enough,” Ash said, with a dry smile. “I’m thinking that should fade soon enough.”

“I’m still cold.”

“Is it painful?” he asked. “Have there been times when your body heat went back to normal?”

“Sometimes,” Lev said. “Nik can rub some warmth into my arms, and baths help, but it always settles back into cold. It’s not hurting me,” he added. “It’s not stopping me from functioning, either. It’s just- cold.”

Ash hummed, thinking. “We can get you some food to produce some natural body heat,” he said. “Maybe it’ll help warm you up and it might jumpstart your body into its regular temperature. Maybe we can also jumpstart a heat…?”

That would definitely jumpstart something.

Lev wrinkled his nose. “I don’t want a heat. Not so soon after losing my baby.”

Ash sighed softly. “I know,” he said. “A heat, even if it’s not being used for reproductive uses like most omegas, or well, just simple intercourse, has many functions that are designed to help your body get back to it’s normal. Some patients who have been sick can have a heat induced to try to get the boost to their immune system that they need in order to get healthy again.”

“I’d still like to wait,” Lev said. “If it’s possible. At least… don’t induce one. Everything’s so weird right now.”

“Alright,” Ash said. “Your body has its own natural defenses. Odds are your body is going to want to keep itself alive on it’s own anyway. But you need to help. And since we’re not inducing a heat, that means we get to change your diet to include some new foods.”

“New foods would be nice,” Lev said. “Everything’s been kind of boring lately. Food included.”

Ash snorted. “Yeah? How do you feel about spices.”

---

Nik was chomping at the bit by the time Ash and Lev came out of the room. When they appeared in the kitchen, Ash’s eyes went for him while Lev went for Cameron’s lap. “Alright,” Ash said. “Your turn.” Nik grumbled and got up and startled for the bedroom, but not before hearing Ash say, “He’s gonna have a new diet. I’ll catch you up later.”

Nik went to plop down on the bed. “They’re going to ask why you keep wanting to see me,” Nik said, eyeing him.

“And I’ll tell them to mind their own business,” Ash retorted, sitting down in front of him. “How are you feeling?”

“I keep throwing up and crying and eating and sleeping all the damn time. Somehow, I turned into Lev overnight and I’d like to stop and go back to being not neurotic., thanks.”

“Well,” Ash said, “You’re pregnant. It’ll be that way for a few months, yet, unless you decide to take further action and terminate.”

That whole exchange scraped against his mind. “I don’t- When do I have to say anything?” Nik gnawed at his bracelets, trying to stop himself from getting worked up at the thought of having that particular conversation with either Lev or Cameron.

Ash lifted a shoulder. “You can start showing between 12 and 16 weeks,” Ash said. “Maybe less. However, you don’t have to say anything. It’s your body and your right to tell people to fuck off where it is concerned.”

Nik grimaced. “I don’t- I can’t have a kid,” Nik said, voice dropping more and more by the second. “Eden is different because I did not push that screaming ball of joy out of my body. And just. It’s not Cameron’s. He would know it’s not his, like he knows everything for some damn reason. What’s he going to do when the kid comes out looking nothing like him? Just because he lacks any kind of pigment does not mean that he’s not going to realize that the kid’s gonna look nothing like him, damn it.”

“Have you considered,” Ash said, irritatingly calm, “that Cameron just would not care?”

“Okay but he’s going to care that I cheated on him with-” Nik’s mouth snapped shut. “He’s going to care.”

“You have your options,” Ash said. “If you want, we can figure something out, but the longer we do nothing, the worse off it’ll be in the long run. You need to be on prenatal vitamins and need to adjust your diet. Especially if you’re getting sick.”

Nik wrinkled his nose. “Why?”

“Do you want that kid coming out with two heads?” Ash asked. “No, no you do not.”

“I came out with two heads and I’m doing just fine.”

“Nik. Focus.”

Nik folded his arms and slumped back into the bed, sighing tiredly. “What if he makes me go again,” he said, hating how his voice almost broke. “I don’t want to go.” He palmed his eyes when he felt the telltale prickle. He was not going to cry damn it.

“Destris is dead,” Ash said. “You’re going to stay home, wherever home is for you. And right now, he’s probably going to keep you as close as he can. You and Lev.”

Nik snapped up into a sitting position, too startled to focus much on anything but apparently the fact Destris was now dead and once again no one bothered to tell him a damn thing. “I- what? Since when?”

“A soul for a soul,” Ash said, tiredly. “Took his soul to get Lev’s back, I guess. Besides I figured his days were numbered anyway. It’s why Mar bailed on us at the beach.”

Nik curled back into the bed and pressed his face into the pillows. Made sense that Amara would prioritize putting Destris down to get her cousin back over Nik. Seemed everyone was prioritizing Lev over Nik lately. “Are we done now, because I want to go back to sleep.”

Ash put his hand on Nik’s shoulder. He seemed to want to say something, but thought better of it. “I’ll go get Lev for you.”

“You don’t have to,” Nik mumbled.

Ash gave him a final squeeze before getting up and leaving him alone in this irritatingly large bed. He only had a few minutes of quiet tears before he heard them come back towards the bedroom. Nik hastily wiped his eyes just in time for Cameron to carry a comatose Lev into the room.

Lev instantly curled in towards Nik the moment Cameron put him in the bed with him. Cameron watched Nik silently, gaging. “Do you need me to stay?”

“I’m sure you have paperwork or something else important to do,” Nik said, curling in against Lev. “Didn’t you burn your club down or something? Probably already working on the blueprints for a new one.”

“That’s not an answer,” Cameron said, flatly.

“Well it’s the one you’re getting.” He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Lev. Maybe if he got lucky he’d have needled Cameron in the right way to get him to leave him alone. But of course it wasn’t his luck because he could feel Cameron’s eye roll directed at him.

A few moments later Cameron was climbing in bed with them, and even if Nik’s omega preened at the contact from his alpha he hadn’t had in months, it didn’t stop the guilt eating at him like acid.

---

It was Nik who woke Lev. He assumed it was for dinner, but when he sat up, Amara was in the doorway. Cameron was behind her, looking somewhat displeased. “Mar?” Lev asked, still half out of it.

“You get five minutes,” Cameron told Amara. “I won’t have you wearing him out.”

“Looks like he’s been sleeping plenty,” Amara said the moment she was out of arm's reach.

In a bored voice, Cameron said, “Sleep does not equate rest.”

Lev rubbed his eyes, and when Amara sat down on the edge of the bed, he leaned into her. She clung to him tightly. The kiss she pressed to his hair was firm. “Missed you,” she mumbled.

“I don’t remember… any of it,” he offered.

“Good. You were a fucking mess.” She pulled back, frowning. “Stars, you smell like roadkill. Minus the rot.”

“Shut up,” Nik said snippily.

“I do?” Lev asked in a small voice. He looked between Nik and Cameron. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been snuggling up with the two of you for days now.”

Cameron shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”

“I wouldn’t know to ask if I smell dead,” Lev retorted, distressed.

“It’s fine,” Nik mumbled against his shoulder.

Lev pursed his lips, but looked away from them all. “I don’t know where my phone is,” he told Amara. “Or else I would have called you.”

“It’s fine.” Amara petted his curls. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“As you can see,” Cameron said. “He’s still breathing. You can leave now.”

Lev grabbed her wrist, knowing Cameron could see. “When I get a phone I’ll call you,” he said carefully, “But Cameron’s right. I need rest.”

“Are you accusing me of being non-restful?” Amara asked, pulling Lev’s hair lightly. Before anyone could call her out on it, “Yeah, alright. I’m not. Renee might head over this way,” She added. “Just? Call me? Semi often? Scared the shit out of me, lollygagging for three days. Thought you’d up and die again on me.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Amara said, sounding tired. “Just don’t do it again, okay?”

Lev nodded, and leaned into the kiss she pressed to the top of his head. “Okay.”

Amara ruffled his hair, pointed a threatening finger in Nik’s direction with a mouthed ‘fucking call me’, and then stood, flouncing past Cameron with a loud, “AIright, alright, I’m going. Out of your hair.”

Nik looked a little resigned.

“I’ll be back,” Cameron said, nodding at Nik as he added, “Keep him entertained.”

Lev looked over to Nik once Cameron was gone. “I’m guessing he didn’t mean the usual way,” Lev said solemnly.

Nik lifted his brows. “I’m guessing not, but I’m not opposed.”

Lev gave a small snort. “Are you ever?” He asked.

Nik gave a tiny smile. “I have my moments.”

Well. Fair. Lev touched Nik’s cheek, pressed their foreheads together. Nik kissed him, soft and hesitant. Lev kissed him back, wrapping his non-IV’d arm around Nik’s neck.

“That’s not resting,” Cameron said from the doorway, startling Lev away from Nik.

Lev blinked. “You said to keep him entertained,” Lev replied sheepishly.

“I did,” Cameron said dryly.

When Lev looked at Nik, he was glowering at Cameron. “Yeah, you said keep me entertained, Cameron.”

“It was just kissing,” Lev promised. “Nothing stressful. Promise.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

Lev leaned back into Nik. Nik bit down on Lev’s shoulder. “Is it time for dinner?” Lev asked settling a little more comfortably against Nik.

Cameron watched him. Eventually he said, “It will be soon. I can come get you when it’s ready, unless you want to help.”

Lev shook his head. “Honestly, I’m tired,” he admitted. “I was going to ask if I could eat in bed.”

Cameron pursed his lips. “Alright,” he said quietly. “If you need anything, have one of the sentries come get me.”

“I will,” Lev promised. Once Cameron was gone, Nik curled into Lev. Lev kissed Nik again, before closing his eyes. “Wake me when Cameron comes to get us?” Lev asked sleepily.

“Okay,” Nik replied quietly. He kissed Lev’s forehead, and gave a soft, “Love you.”

Lev blinked hard. “What?” He asked, looking up at Nik.

Nik looked startled. “Um. I love you?”

Something warm bloomed in Lev’s chest. “I love you too,” Lev promised.

Nik kissed Lev’s forehead. “Go to sleep,” he said.

So Lev did, pleased and content.

 Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @idreamonpaper @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @i-want-to-pinch-cams-cheeks @caelisis