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warriorsfireandwater · 4 years ago

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Laurel power of the 3?

Laurel: What changes to the books would you make if you could write the series?

I got two requests for this one! While I'm sort of following the same idea of "sticking closer to canon but making it functionally better", I think this series is really indicative of how poor planning made it functionally worse than its predecessors. So while I'll try to avoid diving too deep into AU territory, there will be some more significant changes to try and make it all work together better. Some of my thoughts on this have been influenced by @tennelleflowers‘s video on their Po3 changes - it’s a really great take on the series!

First, I would straight up butcher this series into three books. There’s a lot of filler here with the ancients and visits to the tribe and the mess that is the last book, and I would just boot all that to the curb. There could be some mentions of ancients, but the tribe visits feel less than necessary to the plot.

The Sight: Lionkit, Jaykit, Hollykit are just starting to grow up in ThunderClan. I would put greater emphasis on how they’re raised by the other queens in the nursery, especially Ferncloud but Daisy as well. They still love Squirrelflight and view her as her mother, but they’re very close to Ferncloud and Daisy. Squirrelflight has kept up with her warrior duties since Ferncloud has nursed the three when Squirrel’s milk didn’t come in. All around their kithood is just fuzzy and warm and they grow up encouraged by everyone - INCLUDING JAYKIT. None of that “everyone looks at him with pity :(((((” shenanigans. If anyone suggested Jaykit was unfit for anything, Mama Ferncloud had some stern words for them.

Things play out mostly the same across the book. Jaypaw starts out his training with Brightheart and Hollypaw with Leafpool, but they do end up switching. For Jaypaw its not because he’s bad at being a warrior or because Spottedleaf is harassing him into it, but because he has been aware of the strange dreams he has and more than once has woken up in the dreams of other cats. He feels like he’s been getting signs from StarClan but he can’t make sense of them, and he likes the allure of being able to communicate with StarClan and have that position of power and respect in the Clan (which is reinforced, because the watering-down of the influence of medicine cats later series is frustrating). Hollypaw conversely realizes that being a medicine cat is far more lonely than she expected, and notices how lonely Leafpool clearly is, even if she isn’t open about it. Hollypaw doesn’t want that for herself and sees the fun the other apprentices have, so she agrees to become a warrior apprentice instead. Brightheart takes over her training.

Lionpaw doesn’t have a huge arc here, he’s mostly kind of a doofus who comes off arrogant due to his skills but starts to learn throughout his apprenticeship that just being a meathead isn’t going to get the other apprentices to like him. Him and Berrypaw have a friendly rivalry. The Sight ends with Jaypaw receiving the prophecy from StarClan.

Dark Eclipse: Borrowing the title from my Wind!Po3 au... this is when Sol is introduced. He arrives to the Clans, showing himself to lone warriors or small patrols, making minor predictions and claiming to be able to preform miracles. He mostly predicts cats futures - if they’ll find love, how many kits they’ll have, silly things like that. Cats start eating it up despite being suspicious of the loner, because their medicine cats don’t do that kind of thing and honestly, it’s fun. Sol is mysterious but friendly, keeping cats at an arm’s length while dangling information in front of them. He also generally positions himself as being very all-knowing of the history of the lake, sun-drown place, and the “ancient cats” that used to live here.

While Jaypaw is out collecting herbs on his own, he happens across a tunnel (by accident, from falling into it), where he meets a cat with no scent that leads him out. He finds the ancient stick, and wants to know more about what the tunnels are all about - so of course, he goes to Sol to learn from him. Sol is more than happy to teach Jaypaw about the history of the ancients in exchange for information about the clans today (under the guise that he is something of a historian and likes collecting information wherever he goes). Sol also has heard of Jaypaw’s prophecy, and he claims he wants to help Jaypaw understand it and grow into his power.

Lionpaw starts having dreams with Hawkfrost and Tigerstar, and while he doesn’t trust them, he DOES want to learn their fighting skill. They also seem to have some sense of his special abilities, and claim to want to help him better understand them. This is when Lionpaw’s power in the waking world starts to have more... uncomfortable tones. Lionpaw starts losing his temper easily, becomes more aggressive, and finally during a training session he unsheathes his claws to claw another apprentice. This lands him in trouble, and he’s told he has to spend a quarter-moon helping Leafpool and Jaypaw in the medicine cats’ den to learn how to take care of others. During this Jaypaw walks in a dream with him and catches him visiting Hawkfrost and Tigerstar. Afterwards, Jaypaw threatens to tell Firestar unless Lionpaw stops visiting them. Lionpaw doesn’t want to give up his training, but he doesn’t want to get in trouble with Firestar, either - so Jaypaw admits he has his own teacher who Lionpaw can visit.

Hollypaw, meanwhile, is adjusting to being a warrior apprentice. She’s unlike her brothers - she’s much friendlier than Jaypaw and more intelligent that Lionpaw, and she’s not bad at hunting or fighting but not particularly egotistical about it. She can be a stickler for the warrior code, but generally she gets along with the other apprentices and begins to become the ringleader of the group. She is notably distant from her brothers, though, which makes her upset but she isn’t sure how to fix it. Jaypaw is fixated on his medicine cat training and is inherently separated from her by his role, but Lionpaw has just been... tired and grouchy and mean. To make matters worse, he starts disappearing during the day, too! Hollypaw is fed up with this and stalks her brothers one day (feeling a bit hurt that they’ve been spending time together without her) and catches them meeting Sol. She finds this absolutely disgraceful - he’s a rogue, smart or not! Jaypaw tells her that he can help them understand the prophecy, which only infuriates her more - because why didn’t they tell her about it in the first place if that was the point of meeting him? Furious, she storms right off and reports them to Firestar. They are both in trouble now for leaving the territory and their training to talk to a rogue, and Firestar is especially concerned to hear they’ve been sharing information about the Clans with him. A ThunderClan patrol tries to track him down, but Sol seems to have vanished.

Sol later shows up at a Gathering (with mixed reviews from the audience - as it turns out, all four Clans have seen this mysterious loner, and some admire his knowledge while others are pissed off about this outsider frolicking across the territories distracting their warriors and NOW having the audacity to strut into the gathering). He says he’s going to make the sun go out. Cats are like “wtf????” and Sol repeats this and says he is more powerful than StarClan and will show the Clans that it is so. Cats grow angry and fearful, some even wanting to kill��him for suggesting such a thing, and Sol just sort of smirks and says “If your StarClan is so powerful, then I suppose they’ll keep the sun lit tomorrow.” With that he takes off and cats are freaking out, clouds are covering the moon, and the Clans call off the Gathering.

Cut to the next day when things are progressing more or less normally (with some general nervousness). A WindClan patrol storms right through ThunderClan territory, claiming to have heard ThunderClan is harboring Sol. Of course, they’re not - and when WindClan is about to attack them, a ShadowClan patrol races to ThunderClan asking for help because RiverClan is attacking them for “harboring Sol”, which they claim not to be doing. WindClan turns on ShadowClan, ThunderClan is confused, fights are breaking out, its all around madness. A few hisses turns into all-out war, but no one knows whose side is fighting for whose. Someone cries out that Firestar is losing a life -

Then the sun goes out.

Outcast: This book picks right back up in the middle of the panic, with some cat shrieking that Firestar is dying. Thing is, no one is sure who killed him, because it’s chaotic and hard to see due to the, you know, black sun. Jaypaw is trying to get his way through the fray with Leafpool to make it to Firestar.

They don't make it in time. They get there and he's dead. Actually dead. Jaypaw is in shock, and Leafpool is shaking with grief—but Jaypaw catches a sense of rage in her.

"He had two lives left," she snarls. "He had two lives."

Jaypaw understands and is horrified. Firestar's wounds are fatal, but they're not horrific. Coming back from the loss of his eighth life should have healed him enough to survive through the ninth. Someone waited and killed him again.

The eclipse ends with Sol atop a tree, declaring he has proven himself to be stronger than StarClan. Cats are horrified by the aftermath of the short but bloody battle. All the Clans are calling for blood, until Blackstar admits that Sol clearly has knowledge that would benefit ShadowClan and brings him back to camp with him.

ThunderClan is feeling really low after everyone realizes Firestar was killed. Cats are willing to accept it was an accident until Leafpool reveals what she realized, and that just ramps them up to pissed. Cats pretty quickly jump to thinking it’s Sol, but Jaypaw isn’t sure. Sol was never aggressive, and he had seemed to be out of the fight. Jaypaw tries to say this with mixed effects. Lots of fingers are pointed, but Brambleclaw doesn’t want to start off his leadership attacking another Clan without being sure. There’s a bit of an early-to-mid book lag here, with cats trying to maintain normal Clan life but Very Stressed about the fact that their leader was murdered twice in battle. Aaaand cue the fire.

Fire scene plays out like canon. Ashfur traps the three and Squirrel reveals the truth to the horror of her kids. It’s a bit more emphasized here that he had some involvement with Firestar being trapped in the fox trap a while back - he specifically says “I just regret not staying to make sure the job was finished”. Lionblaze believes this means he killed Firestar in the battle.

A couple days pass. Ashfur’s body is discovered. Cats are FREAKING out thinking someone is trying to murder ThunderClan cats now. Bramblestar finally gets a patrol together to go to ShadowClan and demand they give up Sol—but ShadowClan won't have it. Things are just weird there, with Sol and other rogues just hanging out and Blackstar declaring ShadowClan is following Sol's wisdom now. Sol comes down and says he did not kill Ashfur or Firestar but is happy to help with their investigation. Hollyleaf and Lionblaze go along and Lionblaze INSISTS Sol must be lying. Hollyleaf is notably feeling eaten up inside from the reveal of not being Squirrel's kit, and starts to work out the whole truth. At the next Gathering, she jumps on the the tree and reveals everything—how Squirrelflight lies about being their mother, about Leafpool and Crowfeather. Chaos ensues. Hollyleaf runs away, and Lionblaze chases her.

"What's wrong with you?" he snarls. "You ruined everything! Do you have any idea what I did to protect us?"

Jayfeather catches up and sees his memory of Lionblaze killing Ashfur. (I think HE should be the one to kill Ashfur so Hollyleaf's breakdown/killing feels less contradictory and because it fits Lion's power + Ash was his mentor.) When he killed Ashfur, he basically beat him to a pulp until Ashfur admitted he was the one that killed Firestar and repeated he was just sorry he hadn’t done it when he last had the chance to hurt Squirrelflight. Jayfeather shares this with Hollyleaf, who is horrified by what her brother has done and is afraid of how angry he is. She runs off into a tunnel, which collapses, and Jay and Lion believe she’s dead. Lionblaze feels a tremendous amount of guilt, believing he just killed his sister. Jayfeather is shaken and asks how the prophecy can still come true without her, which makes Lionblaze angry - “Don’t you care that our sister just died?”

The book ends on a dark tone, with Lionblaze being eaten up by guilt from Hollyleaf’s death, and not speaking to Jayfeather. Jayfeather is upset that Hollyleaf is dead but is extremely concerned for the sake of the prophecy (to the point of being half in denial about her death - thinking she simply can’t be dead because the prophecy needs her). The story ends with him helping Whitewing birth her kits, Dovekit and Ivykit, and when Cloudtail comes to visit his daughter, he is struck by the recollection that Whitewing is Firestar’s kin as well, making her daughters “kin of his kin”. He feels more hopeful after this, thinking to himself that he will keep a close eye on the kits so that they aren’t lost like Hollyleaf. This also leaves some plot threads for OotS to resolve - Sol isn’t gone, ShadowClan is clearly starting to have issues, and the Clan still isn’t sure who killed Ashfur.

#warrior cats #po3

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the-fandom-fuckup · 4 years ago

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A bit more for that modern fantasy au I teased a bit ago

Character designs n stuff are slightly based off the official halloween n fantasy ending arts, plus whatever else I wanted to do, so Kiri is a dragon shifter here, Baku is a werewolf, n Ochako is a witch.

There'll probably be a hint of a/b/o dynamics here for weres n shifters, n the idea of alpha!Kiri n alpha!Baku has stuck to me like glue, so that's a thing here also

There's no real plot for this, just these three being dumb n pining, and everyone around them rolling their eyes n dealing with it lmao

I've thought about jobs n first meetings tho, n came up with this. Kiri's a firefighter (along with Tetsu, who is also a dragon shifter, bc I love him and their bro-bond), bc big fire resistent boy running into fires to help people just makes sense. Also I really like the thought of him in the uniform

Ochako works as a self defense instructor with Gunhead at a small gym in town, probably helping people with magic items n stuff on the side for extra cash or smth, I dunno. She might wanna move into a more magically dominant field one day, but she likes the environment of the gym n the regulars that come in n chat between classes. She's also very good at what she does n has put many assholes in their place after they've scoffed at "the cute little girl you have here".

Baku is a "park ranger", n I use quotations bc that's the only title he could really give himself to have any authority over the land he owns. He gives himself more leeway than what some laws may grant, tho tbh if you're coming into his territory with intent to harm those in it, you're lucky to walk away at all just sayin'

He runs an escape park of sorts for weres n shifters to run around during full moons and other times they need to shed their human skin, personally owned so he can avoid all the bullshit regulations n "safety procedures" found in bigger places that try offering the same thing, but ultimately make the shifting process shittier than it needs to be. And words gets around so it gets super popular super fast, n people of all ages come by

Tbh the thought of a teeny tiny wolf, like 10y/o at most running around Baku n trying to get him to play, nipping at his ankles n calling him the pack alpha is really what settled the debate on whether he should be an alpha or omega. And the added image of Baku rolling his eyes n putting on his toughass act but not really minding it as he gets them moving with a tap on the ass, muttering "Fuckin told ya squirt, I'm not your pack alpha. Now find someone else's ankles to bite at, I'm busy", makes me feel really nice

For some first meetings, tbh Kiribaku probably happens first, n they meet when Kiri n Tetsu accidentally trespass on Baku's territory bc they're new to the area n found a big ass lake to soak in during a flight over town, like dude!! Fuck yea that could fit both of us easy, man I haven't soaked in my big form in forever lets go!

And ofc if the giant shadows overhead hadn't tipped him off the security sensors would've so Baku's like who in the FUCK!! N storms off to confront them bc you don't just come on his land like that. That's how people get fucking hurt you dumb assholes 😤😤

N Kiri n Tetsu are mostly just minding their own business, settling down into the lake like aw yea that's the shit, almost passing out bc they'd just had a long day n the water was so cool n the fish eatting the dead skin n shit off their scales was so relaxing. They don't even realise they'd drifted into a light doze when they hear furious snarling n harsh sniffing coming their way, n barely have enough time to get up before Baku comes tearing shit through the trees

And like. Kiri n Tetsu know that they're big boys. Their full sized dragon forms are huge n there's not much out there that scares them, but nobody likes coming face to face with a snarling werewolf, standing in their territory without any warning that you maybe shouldn't be there

Despite the hostile intro, it doesn't take much for the misunderatanding to be cleared up. There's a lot of apologies from Kiri n Tetsu n a lot of irritated snorts from Baku, but they get straightened out. Baku tells them what kinda show he's running n Kiri inatantly get sparkly eyes like dude!! You do that all by yourself?! That's so manly bro you gotta let us help with that

Baku snorts like you don't have to make empty offers if you wanna use the grounds, I don't refuse people unless they pose an actual threat to the others. You guys aren't dangerous, just stupid. N Kiri goes hey rude, but also it's gotta be a lot dealing with all that on your own. We can at least watch out from above, keep an eye on shit or whatever bc face it man, you may be great but even you can't be in multiple places at once.

And the only reason Baku ends up agreeing is bc they pester him about it until he's well past irritated, n he's figured out the only way to shut them up was concede. They can't be there fulltime anyway consudering their professions, but they're sure to help when they can

Kirichako meet at the gym. Kiri's buying a membership or smth bc you gotta keep the stength up bro! Can't be slacking when you're the difference between someone living n someong dying y'know? Ochako's either in a class or dealing with some hothead, her furrowed brows n puffed cheeks distracting Kiri n reminding him of a chipmunk before bud says smth he can't hear but has Ochako seeing red. It doesn't take long for him to end up on his ass n Kiri's just stuck watching, jaw dropped n heart eyes as Ochako tells the guy he can either fix his attitude or find somewhere else to go

Kiri turns to Tetsu like dude holy shit did you see that?? N Tetsu's like yea bro everyone saw it, n Ochako comes up to them like sorry about that. We have a no harassment policy here that some people overstep, n it sucks that we get people coming in that need it enforced but unfortunately it's pretty common.

Then, bc she's still a bit sour, she looks them both dead in the eyes with a fire raging behind hers like if that's not smth you think you can handle then you might as well save us all the hassle n leave now. N they're both like no way that was great, totally understandable, just tell us where to sign

And while she came off as kinda aggressive during their initial meet, Kiri's quick to find she has just as much sweetness to match her bite. He watches her between sets sometimes n sees how kind n gentle she can be with the younger classes that come in, how she doesn't single out people who struggle n instead moves to help n provide tips without making a huge deal of it

She's also one of the first people to come running when someone gets hurt, he finds out. He'd admittedly been more focused on her sparring with Gunhead than he'd been on the super heavy equipment he was using for his reps, n managed to look over at the perfect time to get flustered n drop it directly on his foot. The resounding crack was loud enough to catch quite a bit of attention, tho he knows the equipment is more likely to be damaged than his foot

Ochako doesn't even hesitate to run over n levitate him to take the pressure off of his not broken foot, going "oh my god are you okay?? Someone clear that bench please, he needs to get off his feet now!" N Kiri does appreciate the concern, as embarassing as it may be, n tries to tell her it's really not a big deal, thanks for the help but honestly--

N she rounds on him like say that one more time n you'll be dealing with a broken nose instead, now sit your ass down n let me handle this!! Kiri can't even reply with anything other than a quiet okay😳😳 bc he's always thought her determination was super admirable, but being this close n seeing it burn in her eyes so intensely is taking it to a whole new level n he has no clue how to handle it

Kacchako meeting is kind of a hybrid mix of the other two combined lmao. Baku owns a pack house where he lives with Deku, then later with Kiri, Tetsu, Mina, Kami, n Sero, but he's so busy with the park that he's hardly ever home. N since Ochako's kinda embarassed about her tiny ass appartment, they usually hang out at the pack house to talk over magic studies or gossip over whatever's happened recently. At this point Baku n Ochako have heard of each other but never been around at the same time

Which causes a problem one day while Ochako's in the kitchen making tea when Baku comes home. He'd had a stressful day warding off poachers or smth, n his rut's just a few days away now, so when he opens the door n is greeted with a slightly unfamiliar scent it sends him into a daze, where he stalks to the kitchen before he even knows that he's moving

Ochako knows tho, can hear the low growls and deliberately quiet steps creeping behind her, setting her on edge bc ohhhh my god, someone just broke into Deku's place holy shit!! And when it gets close enough to barely feel hot breath on the back of her neck she's flinging herself into action, all muscle memory as she gets a few quick jabs into Baku's gut. It knocks the question outta his lungs, getting out a choked "who the--" before her magic kicks in and she's picking him up n slamming him down with his weight returned for maximum momentum, body slamming the following "fUCK!!" out as well before she placed her weight on him to keep him down. She gets right in his face demanding "who are you?! How did you get in here?!"

And when he can breathe again Baku snaps back like "who tf am I?!? I live here!! Who tf are you?!?!" And like, she's still in fight mode so she's looking him over like hmm, so this is Bakugou. Then she realises wtf she's doing n goes oh my god it's Bakugou!! N she's jumping off him and apologising so fast that she's barely saying words, trying to take his hands n help him back up but getting swatted away bc you've done enough touching don't you think??

And yea, Baku's kinda pissed. Being attacked in your own house does that to anyone, let alone a pre-rut alpha. But also, he's kinda impressed, bc he can count on one hand the amount of people who've gotten the drop on him like that, but he'd rather die than admit it out loud. So he just huffs at her with a final "try that shit again n I'll kill you", n stalks off to his room, having more important things to worry about right then than who's fucking around in his kitchen

((His rut decides to be completely unhelpful that time around, his alpha brain locking in on the faint perfume she'd left on his shirt while tossing him around and how perfectly it mixed with his own scent, as well as the shirt he nabbed from Kiri's laundry basket the night before. He rubs the scents of these strong potential mates all over his den, knots his rut aid with his face plastered to the shirts then uses it to scent the shirts even more, drunk off of how well their scents all mix together. He's rightfully embarassed during the end when he can start thinking properly again n throws both shirts to the back of his closet to be forgotten about--as much as his alpha fights him on it--n moves on to his business like normal.

Tho if he tries to be home more often when he knows Ochako's coming around, n spends more time in Kiri's space, nobody's mean enough to comment on it. At least, not at first.))

Man I have many feelings about this, but I'll leave it here for now bc I could go on forever

#BnHA #Kirikacchako #Bakugou Katsuki #Kirishima Eijirou #Uraraka Ochako #Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu #modern fantasy au #I have a lot of feelings about this like wow #this is barely scratching the surface n it's so fucking long #a/b/o dynamics #at least a little bit

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trensu · 5 years ago

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Episode 13: The One where WWX’s Gaydar is Completely Nonexistent

YOU GUYS, THIS EPISODE, THIS EPISODE YOU GUYS

IT’S THE ONE WITH THAT CAVE SCENE

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

But in case you don’t know, I’M GONNA TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT

So we start off with wwx offering to carry lwj

Lwj, being the Repressed Gay that he is, flatly refuses: “how boring”

Pretty sure the thought of wwx touching him gives him vapors

Also? LWJ, You gotta come up with some new stuff; this line’s getting old

And wwx is completely immune to it by now

Wwx: *internally* such a stubborn fool!

He’s annoyed that lwj isn’t letting him help him in any way

And, like, i get that

I understand, wwx

But, WHO ARE YOU TO TALK?? MR. I’M GONNA SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR OTHERS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY

Okay, moving along now

WE GET A PAPERMAN!! A CUTE LITTLE YELLOW PAPERMAN!! SAY HI TO THE PAPERMAN, EVERYONE, LOOK HOW ADORABLE HE IS!!

And ~Their Song~ starts playing as soon as we see the paperman appear

Wwx sends it floating over to wen qing

Paperman!wwx: plz find a way for lwj to get some rest

Actual!wwx: *hovers at lwj’s shoulder TOTALLY READY TO CATCH HIM IF HE FALLS*

WQ pulls through like a BOSS and everybody takes a break from walking near a river

Poor lwj looks so tuckered out here as he sits down on a rock

Wwx: i’ll go get you some water lan zhan! *runs off to get water*

Omg wwx, you are not subtle

LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU LAN ZHAN

LET ME LOVE YOU LAN ZHAN

LET ME TENDERLY TREAT YOUR WOUNDS LAN ZHAN

LET ME INSPIRE SOME KINKY NURSE FANTASIES LAN ZHAN

How do you not realize what you’re doing wwx. How.

Ewww, now wc is talking, double ewww, he’s talking Plot Things

Gross, now his gf JiaoJiao is talking and is annoying and unfortunately necessary for a future wangxian moment so we have to acknowledge her existence

I know it hurts guys, but i promise you it’s worth it

She’s all “alright losers, go find us that cave with the cave monster thing”

Wwx releases a talisman (no Dramatic Twirl tho) which then locates the cave

Right, the cave.

The very important cave

The cave that will give us lots of quality wangxiantics

That cave.

And now we’re in the cave!! The best cave!! I mean, it’s way bigger and way scarier than the other cave, but still! (Dancing Fairy Cave, who??)

Plot stuff happens, wc is being an asshole, nothing new or exciting here

Then we see everyone find a cliff within the cave!

Wwx: wow, that looks like a bottomless pit

Wc: let’s see if that’s true! *yeets wwx off the cliff* (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WEN CHAO)

Lwj: Wei Ying!!

he not-quite shouts this, it’s more of a startled yelp than anything

Be grateful bc when he starts yelling his name for realsies in this show IT’S NOT GONNA BE FUN

ALSO if wc was not at the top of lwj’s shit list before, he’s definitely there now

So now that wwx confirmed that the pit is NOT bottomless, the hostages i mean visiting disciples throw down some rope and start to climb down

Uh, why didn’t they use that BEFORE chucking wwx down like a bag of trash?? Oh right bc wc is an asshole

Once they reach the bottom, lwj ALL BUT RUNS to wwx’s side

AND HELPS HIM UP!! HE GRABS HIM BY THE ARM AND HELPS HIM UP

BC HE LOVES HIM

I’m gonna give JZX a moment here bc this episode is chock full of wangxiantics and jzx was in snark-master mode

Wwx: well, i know why LWJ and JC came down to check that i wasn’t eaten by a monster, but why are you here, jzx?

Jzx: i’d rather fight an unknown monster whilst weaponless than listen to wc and jj talk for another minute

SAME, JZX, SAME

Lol, everyone is like yeah, that makes sense

More stuff happens and eventually wc and his flunkies catch up with everyone else at the bottom of the cliff and want to lure the monster out

Wc: lets bleed some of this cannon fodder as bait bc i’m an asshole

Jj: i pick mianmian

STAY AWAY FROM MIANMIAN, YOU HORRID PERSON, HOW DARE YOU

And of course everyone loves mianmian so they jump to her defense

Now there’s a showdown between the wens and the hostages, i mean visiting disciples

LWJ IS SUCH A BADASS HERE, GUYS

HE’S TAKING PPL DOWN LEFT AND RIGHT USING ONLY TORCH WHILST INJURED

AND HE MAKES IT LOOK SO CASUAL. DUDE’S NOT EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT

HE FREAKING SNATCHES A SWORD OUT OF A WEN FLUNKIE’S HAND LIKE NBD

While he’s doing all that, wwx is completely humiliating wen chao by reciting some of the wen clan rules

WC: stop talking shit

Wwx: uh, i just quoted the wen clan rulebook sooooo you actually just insulted your ancestors

Wwx: what did the rulebook say was the punishment for insulting the ancestors…? Oh yeah, EXECUTION. Prepare to die!!

Wwx proceeds to take wc as a visiting disciple, i mean hostage on top of a giant rock in the middle of a pond inside the cave and we’re at a standstill

It probably could’ve gone on forever except 🐢🔪🐢🔪🐢 SURPRISE MURDER TURTLE!! 🐢🔪🐢🔪🐢

THAT’S NO ROCK

IT’S A MURDER TURTLE SHELL

LWJ, being the clever boy that he is, notices that the Murder Turtle has bad eyesight

Lwj: quiet, don’t move! It can’t see us *🎶jurassic park theme plays🎶*

Maybe i should call the Murder Turtle something else. It looks more like a loch ness monster tbh

A distant cousin perhaps?

Nessie: oh, that guy? We don’t really talk to that side of the family

Murder Turtle: *is murderous*

Nessie: yeah, he makes family dinners awkward…

Ahem, anyway

Wen chao is a coward and instead of staying quiet and still like lwj says, he starts screaming like the world’s ugliest baby for wen zhuliu to save him

Murder Turtle does not like this noise coming from it’s shell so wwx and wc end up leaping off of it and landing back on shore and all hell breaks loose

In all fairness to the Murder Turtle, I too hate listening to wc

Murder Turtle starts, you know, murdering. And the hostages i mean visiting disciples don’t have weapons and the wen flunkies are awful

Shit’s happening is what i’m saying

And while all this goes down, jj shows us that she is the MOST AWFUL DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE

THERE’S A GIANT KILLER REPTILE TRYING TO EAT EVERYONE

AND SHE’S MORE CONCERNED ABOUT GETTING BACK AT MIANMIAN FOR BEING BETTER THAN HER IN EVERY WAY???

PRIORITIES MUCH??

She has two of the wen flunkies hold mianmian in place and is about to stick a wen crest branding iron on her face (WTF, JJ)

But oh, WWX TO THE RESCUE!! He shoots an arrow in jj's arm and she ends up throwing the branding iron at mianmian but wwx dives in to stop it!

(and we’re just gonna ignore how terribly fake that dive looks, okay?)

Anyway he dives and blocks the branding iron but oh no, it somehow manages to hit him square in the chest with enough force to burn through his clothes and into his skin!!!

(we’re not gonna question this, just roll with it)

And he drops the Medicine Bottle he hid away to use on lwj eventually

(we’re gonna also ignore the fact that it somehow fell out of where it was securely hidden in his robes even tho he was literally just thrown off a cliff and the Medicine Bottle manages to stay with him and not break at the time)

(look we’re ignoring a lot of things bc we've already determined that special effects are not a high priority in this show AND all this is gonna lead up to great wangxiantics and that makes all of it worthwhile)

Okay so all that happened and then the wens FLEE LIKE THE COWARDS THEY ARE and totally ditch their hostages i mean visiting disciples

Then the bastards not only run away, but cut the ropes leading up the cliff and THEN block off the cave entrance WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU WC

The hostages i mean visiting disciples start freaking out. Like oh no, we’re stuck in here forever, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

Wwx diffuses the panic by being like, hey CANNIBALISM LOL I’M ALREADY PARTIALLY COOKED. i am a snack FOR REAL LOLOLOL

After all this, AFTER ALL THIS PLOT-ISH NONSENSE I HAD TO EXPLAIN, we get a little bit of wangxiantics. As a treat.

Mianmian is crying her heart out and apologizing profusely bc she feels bad for getting everyone trapped in this cave EVEN THO IT’S NOT HER FAULT AT ALL PLZ DON’T CRY MIANMIAN ILU

Wwx obvs agrees with me and goes to comfort her. Which he does in a weird way

Wwx: mianmian, why are you crying? I was the one that got branded! It hurts so much mianmian, won’t you stop crying and say something nice to me to make me feel better??

BUT HE SAYS THIS SO CHARMINGLY??

HE EVEN PUTS ON THE MOST ADORABLE, FAKE-HURTING FACE

If jzx had tried this, he’d have sounded like a douchebag BUT WWX? WITH HIS SUNSHINE SMILE?? HOW COULD ANYONE RESIST THAT???

(apparently mianmian can, bc she keeps crying and doesn’t say anything nice to wwx)

HERE’S THE WANGXIAN BIT

Lwj takes one look at wwx & mianmian being all cozied up to each other and you know, spilling feelings everywhere and turns away in a snit

Lwj: *internally* what am i willing to put up with today? Not fucking this.

Jc: lwj, where are you going??

Lwj: to the pond bc it has a way out not bc i can’t stomach the sight of wwx flirting with mianmian

(if you hadn’t been so proud earlier, lwj, you could’ve had wwx carrying you lovingly in his strong arms i’m just saying)

And now we get another example here at how well lwj and wwx work together

So obvs wwx zooms to lwj’s side as soon as he realizes lwj’s going somehwere without him (again!!) and he’s all “there’s a way out??”

And all lwj says in response is “maple leaves”

That’s it. Two words.

BUT WWX INSTANTLY CATCHES ON

Wwx: oh, yeah, the leaves couldn't possibly come from the cave so there must be an opening in the pond where the leaves are floating in!

THEY’RE JUST SO IN TUNE WITH EACH OTHER??

HOW DID HE GET THAT FROM JUST TWO WORDS??

THEY’RE GENIUS SOULMATES, THAT’S HOW

Now everyone’s coming up with a plan to escape the cave and the Murder Turtle

Details don’t matter here

Skipping that

Nearly everyone escapes the Murder Turtle Cave!! Because of teamwork and the buddy system!! It’s very heartwarming and inspiring AND WE DON’T CARE BC IT’S NOT WANGXIAN

But oh no, at the last minute when lwj and wwx are oh so conveniently the only ones left in the cave, the Murder Turtle notices them!!

It tries to attack wwx!!

But lwj SWOOPS IN TO GRAB HIM AND THROW HIM BACK TO SAFETY WHILE HE FACES THE MURDER TURTLE

ON A STILL INJURED LEG

AND THEN HIS DRAMATIC TWIRL OF DODGING ISN’T DRAMATIC ENOUGH AND MURDER TURTLE DOES MORE DAMAGE TO LWJ’S LEG

Wwx notices right away and goes to grab lwj and pull him to safety now

It’s nice having partners willing to share duties like that

Like, oh, you washed the dishes yesterday? I’ll do them today!

Except, you know, at a more intense level what with the whole “barely escaping the jaws of death” thing they’ve got going on

But same thing basically

So now our wonderful injured boys are in a different part of the cave that the Murder Turtle can’t reach.

Wwx: lan zhan, it’s fine now! The Murder Turtle is asleep or smth

Then shoves the tattered robes around lwj’s leg out of the way to get a better look at the wound, and he’s got his worried expression on!! WHILE ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

Wwx: wait here!!

Lol, where do you think he’s gonna go wwx, it’s not like HIS LEG HAS BEEN MAULED AND THE ENTRYWAY IS GUARDED BY A MURDER TURTLE OR ANYTHING

Wwx comes back with a branch that he turns into a makeshift splint

HE’S TENDING HIS SOULMATE’S WOUND GUYS AHHHH

And now he steals lwj’s SACRED FOREHEAD RIBBON to tie the splint on properly

LOL LWJ’S FACE

HE IS AGHAST

Wwx: chill out about the ribbon, we have MORE PRESSING MATTERS, like how your LEG IS PROBS GONNA FALL OFF IF WE DON’T TREAT IT

Wwx: oh hey, Medicine Pouch! Wait where’s Medicine Bottle?? I saved it specifically for…*meaningful look at lwj* uh, never mind

what’s the matter, wwx?? why so shy suddenly???

are you embarrassed to show how much you think of lwj?? is that it?

OMG GUYS HERE WE GO

THE FIRST OF TWO OF THE BEST WANGXIANTICS SCENES OF THE SHOW!!

Wwx: *internally* gotta find a way to get lwj to spit out that bad blood he’s so obviously choking down

Wwx: the only possible way to accomplish this is by STRIPPING BOTH OF US OUT OF OUR CLOTHES

Wwx: hey lan zhan, take off your clothes!

Lwj: *GAY PANIC*

Lwj: you want me to what now??

Wwx: strip! Both of us! Since we’re all wet from the pond

Lwj as you might guess, does NOT start stripping in front of the Love of His Life

Wwx notices that lwj is not stripping even tho he himself has already divested his black outer robe and is clad in only his red inner robe

(AND I LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND OVER IT EVERY TIME, LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS TINY WAIST, THOSE ROBES ARE OBSCENELY FLATTERING)

Wwx reaches over and starts tugging at lwj’s robe

Lwj: WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Wwx: BEING HELPFUL!! But i guess if you don’t want my help, i’ll finish getting myself naked

Lwj: *turns around and pukes out the bad blood from the sheer strength of his Gay Panic*

Wwx: haha! My plan worked! Now all the bad blood is out!

Lwj: oh. Right. That.

Lwj: thanks

Wwx: noooo, don’t thank me! I can’t handle it when ppl thank me!!

After THAT PHENOMENAL STRIP TEASE, wwx goes back to tending lwj’s wounds

He applies stuff from the Medicine Pouch bc Medicine Bottle is gone forever now

He does this very carefully and is very focused on his task

BC HE LOVES HIM

I LOVE THEM

THERE’S A LOTTA LOVE HAPPENING IS WHAT I’M SAYING

Then lwj snatches a bit of the medicine and presses it into the burn on wwx’s chest

Wwx: owww, that huuurts

Lwj: you’re welcome

Lwj: *internally probably* omg i just touched wwx’s chest, be cool be cool bE COOL

Then they have this cute little exchange where wwx tells him how he got injured all the time bc he was a rambunctious tyke (no, surely not you, wwx! I’m shocked!) so he doesn’t need much medicine and lwj’s injury is more serious so he should get more medicine anyway

AND NOW WE GET TO THE OTHER BEST WANGXIANTIC

Lwj: if you know you’re gonna get hurt, don’t be so rash all the time

Wwx: it’s not like i got myself injured on purpose!!!

Wwx: I had to protect mianmian! She’s so pretty

(he says distractedly while staring at their campfire and COMPLETELY MISSES LWJ’S LONGING LOOK)

Wwx: what if she’d gotten her face all scarred up?

Lwj: but now you’re scarred for life!

Wwx: that’s different!

(bc he has issues with self worth and ALWAYS RISKS HIS LIFE FOR OTHERS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY)

Wwx: i’m a guy. Scars are cool for us!

(that too, I guess)

Wwx: besides, it’ll be a reminder of the time i saved a pretty girl who now will remember me always~!

GOD WWX YOU’RE SO DENSE

Lwj: *bitchy* oh, you’re sooo sure she’s gonna remember you, huh

Wwx gives him a wounded look, like, sincerely confused and hurt at lwj’s tone: “why are you mad?”

And, good god, lwj sees that expression and can’t keep looking at him. He has to turn away, like FUCK i’ve hurt his feelings, shit, i’m getting my feelings all over him

It’s actually kind of painful to watch, POOR LWJ

So he looks away and says: if you don’t mean it, you shouldn’t go around flirting with people

Wwx: *pouts* it’s not like i was flirting with you

THAT’S THE PROBLEM WWX

HE WANTS YOU TO FLIRT WITH HIM AND MEAN IT, YOU COMPLETE MORON

Remember how i said wwx is dense? Here’s another example

Wwx: *teasing* ohh, you like mianmian~!

Like, really teasing. It doesn’t sound like he believes what he’s saying either

Lwj gives him an incredulous look and we get some slo-mo here WHILE ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND THEY GAZE SOULFULLY AT EACH OTHER FOR A SOLID 10 SECONDS

Wwx’s face gets this befuddled look and after staring at each other for 10 continuous seconds he says much more seriously, “oh...you really do like mianmian?”

Why do you sound so disappointed wwx? WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT IT, HUH?

And omg guys, i will NEVER get over the expression LWJ gives him after he says this

It’s an expression that says R U FUCKING SRS RN

HIS WHOLE FACE IS SCREAMING, “FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE”

AND I’M DYING BC WWX, YOU’RE TALKING TO AN ENTIRE GAY BOY WHO IS SO IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT

Then wwx laughs to diffuse the situation (it’s so cute, my heart bursts with rainbows)

And we’re winding down now

Lwj: why should i talk about these meaningless things with you here?

Wwx: you don’t have a choice pal, it’s just you and me stuck here in this cave

Wwx: hey, lan zhan, i think this is the longest conversation we’ve had!!

Omg why’s he keeping track of that? How did he even notice this??

THERE’S NO STRAIGHT EXPLANATION FOR THIS BEHAVIOR

WWX: even after all we’ve been thru, you still don’t talk much. You lan clan types--

*awkward silence*

Wwx realizes he’s stepped in it and taps his mouth as a reprimand for being insensitive

Then he changes the topic about how long they can survive without food/water and how long it will take for help to arrive

And here we have lwj verbally acknowledge what’s happened to him for the first time

He explains that they won’t get help from gusu

Lwj: the cloud recesses has been burned. Uncle is badly injured, brother is missing.

His tone is so matter-of-fact but HE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY!!

OH GOD MY HEART 💔💔💔

And then lwj is like, welp, that’s enough Emotions for the day! And falls asleep.

THEN WWX TUCKS HIM IN WITH HIS OUTER ROBE ALL GENTLE AND LOVINGLY

BC THEY’RE SOULMATES

And that's the end of the episode

SO MUCH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS GUYS

I LOVE THIS SHOW

EVERYTHING IS GREAT (I MEAN, EXCEPT FOR THE HEARTBREAKING PARTS)

LOOK AT THESE TWO SOULMATES IN LOVE, LOOK AT THEM

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql #i think this might be the longest one so far

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whence-the-woody · 4 years ago

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Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting.

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle.

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one.

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference.

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good.

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU.

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois.

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces.

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT.

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit.

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid.

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow.

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good.

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT

#supernatural #me #ranty #we achieved nothing with this ep yet I have THOUGHTS #finale

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bottomlwjrights · 5 years ago

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MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 37

Ljy volunteers to use his blood to summon more mannequins, after which a bunch of juniors start to volunteer theirs

Wwx is SO fucking cool....

Xy giving wwx advice while acting like xxc makes me sick, thanks

I hate how good he is at acting like xxc, he has wwx completely convinced

“Jin Ling laughed at him without holding back at all. Even Lan SiZhui couldn’t stop himself from bursting with a “pfft”. Speechless, Wei WuXian turned to look at them, and Lan SiZhui put on a straight face at once.” Jsnck i love lsz

God i feel so bad about sl and xxc, A-Qing too

“As the cultivator heard the sound, despite how his figure reeled and his hands trembled, he still attacked at Wei WuXian!He couldn’t be controlled. This corpse had a master!” This is still so chilling

...wwx rewarded the nether brawlers by giving them his blood

“On the cultivator’s left chest, near his heart, there was a similar tearing, a similar thin, narrow wound. It seemed as if he died with a stab through the heart.” I fucking hate xue yang ☺️

“Wei WuXian pinched his cheeks and forced him to open his mouth. Inside, his tongue had also been pulled out from the root.” Hate him so much ☺️☺️☺️

Was lsz the only one to raise his hand from the lan clan? Is he the only one of the juniors that knew inquiry? Im asking for... yanno... reasons

“Xiao XingChen’s most intimate friend of cultivation, Song Lan?!” Yes that one, the one he gouged out both of his eyes for

“‘SiZhui, you’re the most sensible one here. Guide them a bit, won’t you? Can you do that?’ Lan SiZhui nodded. Wei WuXian added, ‘Don’t be scared.’ Lan SiZhui, ‘I am not.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Really.’ Lan SiZhui smiled, ‘Senior, you are so much like HanGuang-Jun.’” this exchange ko’d me, like knocked me clean tf out. Wwx reassuring him gently, lsz smiling and telling him hes not scared, lsz saying wwx is a lot like lwj

“‘Us? How are we alike?’ They were obviously like fire and ice. However, Lan SiZhui only grinned in reply, and led the rest of the group out.” I am crying

“It is as though if either one of the two seniors are present, I will not need to be scared or worry about anything.” 😭😭😭😭😭

Hmmmm when did xy find out it was wwx????

Oh it was the whistling that made him suspicious, and then how powerful his Summoning of Painted Eyes was, gotcha

“When they were still alive, the person probably suffered from a lot of torture. It should’ve been rather painful. They probably committed suicide, so they probably don’t want to come back to this world. If a soul itself doesn’t have any desire to live, then it’ll most likely be impossible to save.” Yanno i dont think its ever explicitly talked about how wwx died, and im not trying to be angsty here, but his soul literally couldn’t be summoned, by anybody....

I hate xue yang!!!!!

Fuck you, dont give xy cute canines, he doesnt deserve them. Me and wwx however....

“I have a very famous friend. His acting is what I’d call excellent. I still have a long way to go.” Xy is literally talking about jgy right here

Xy made the nails that were controlling wn, which meant he put them in wn’s head, which means id like to resurrect xy just to kill him again

“Wei WuXian really couldn’t understand why strangers always had an inexplicable sense of confidence in place of him.”

WEN NING!!!!

AHHHHH FUCK HIM UP BABY

“Wen Ning is not a thing.” From wwx himself, people

Maybe if you wanted xxc’s soul, you shouldnt have, idk, forced him to kill innocent people and his best friend against his knowledge and drove him to suicide, just a thought, Xue Yang

Lwj is strong

“Before he finished his sentence, a white-robed figure descended from the sky. Bichen’s icy blue glare swept at him.” Lwj desending from the sky looking like an angel

(chapter 38 & chapter 39 below the cut)

Chapter 38

“Surrounded by an ambience of frost and ice, Lan WangJi stood in front of Wei WuXian.”

“The glare of the sword that he pulled from his sleeve was grim and dark. As it was wielded, it almost seemed to emit a black aura, creating a stark contrast with Shuanghua’s silver radiance.” 😩 Jiangzai 😩

Gotta give it too him, xy is a talented swordsman

So does wn feel pain or does he not feel pain, pick one

“‘Good. If anyone doesn’t listen to me, I’ll feed him congee again.’ The few boys who had encountered the taste pretended as if they were vomiting.” This interaction....

Lan WangJi, you’re so cool 😩

Jl’s admiration for his senior cultivators is just..... so cute

“‘Hmm. He’s good. Of course. He’s really good. He’s the best.’ As he talked, he couldn’t help but break into a smile.” Stoooooop

God wwx just shouting to lwj that hes gonna leave, and its up to him now, and lwj just agreeing, wwx laughing....like the trust, the belief in the other’s abilities, the ease with which they communicate even in tense situations

“Why did you two not say ‘I’m worried about you. I’m staying!’, ‘Go!’, ‘No! I’m not going! If I’m going, you’re going with me!’? Is it not a must?” Ljy really knows what’s going on between them, why else would he say something like this???

“It’s a waste of time. I believe that someone as reliable as HanGuang-Jun will definitely be able to deal with it.” Aknfnc like yeah lwj is known to be strong, but wwx completely trusts in his abilities, like he’s not overly worried or protective like a lot of partners tend to be, he just trusts him

“With both of his feet together, he tried to jump outside. However, since the threshold was too high, he failed every attempt.” This is hilarious, and the juniors thought so too

Wwx respects non-cultivators

A-Qing grabs xxc’s face and cries when his coffin is opened 😢

Interesting that wwx invented Empathy, a way for you to...well empathize with spirits in a way that you couldn’t before, and people still think it’s an evil method

“Wei WuXian stared at the bell for a few moments. Sensing that he looked a bit off, Jin Ling asked, ‘What?’ Wei WuXian replied, ‘Nothing.’” Wow.....that hurted

Hmmmm hate xue yang

“Since they felt the same things, it was as though the squeeze landed on Wei WuXian’s body. Instantaneously, Wei WuXian felt as if a blanket of goosebumps climbed over his heart. He wanted no less than to slam the man into the ground.” And if he could’ve, i bet he would’ve

Oh, Xiao XingChen....

Chapter 39

He’s so kind...

Actually A-Qing was 100% in the right, she should have kept that mans money

Have i mentioned how gross it is that a grown man groped A-Qing, who wwx describes as looking no older than 15 years old, because its gross

It makes me so fucking angry the things xy did, and the reason he was so good at imitating xxc

“Although she didn’t know whether he was dead or alive, most likely thinking that it’d be a drag either way, she obviously didn’t want Xiao XingChen to find the person.” A-Qing...

“Of course, a dead person was less of a hassle than a living one, so A-Qing couldn’t wait for the person to die.” Alfnfjfkb A-Qing wtf....

She was right though, i wish he would’ve just died too but here we are

It shouldve been A-Qing getting that piggy back ride

Xxc deserved so much better.....

Xxc is so sweet, it makes what happened to him even worse

Xy having a casual conversation with xxc and making him laugh is actually making me sick

A-Qing is smart to be wary of xy, to eavesdrop and follow them

I hate Xue Yang!!!!! So much!!!! He’s pure evil!!! Hes not evil in a fun way, hes for real evil, causes-suffering-for-entertainment type evil!!!

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mine #Phoenix rereads MDZS #wangxian #lwj #wwx #wn #lsz #ljy #a-qing #xxc #xy #god i hate him!!!!#i dont even wanna give that mf a tag

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joanofarchetype · 6 years ago

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A Connecticut Yankee...a kid...that's all well and good but we really don't talk enough about the werewolf in King Arthur's court

This is not a shitpost — in Le Morte D'Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory makes mention of "Sir Marrok, the good knight that was betrayed with his wyf, for she made hym seven yere a wer-wolf". Of course, Malory lifted the tale of the werewolf knight straight outta "Bisclavret," which is one of the Twelve Lais of Marie de France. And it is...wild. There's also "Melion," an anonymous Breton lai which along with "Biclarel" is believed to have evolved from the same source as "Bisclavret". In this post we're gonna refer to the protagonist as the "knight" or the "wolf-knight" and tell a somewhat composite tale.

(A note: this takes place well before commonly established werewolf lore, which crystallized thanks to Universal's The Wolf Man. Curt Siodmak wrote all that stuff about the full moon and silver bullets in 1941 so well that our common imagination accepted it as ancient fact.)

So anyway our guy is a knight who disappears for a couple nights a week and his wife is like ?????? dude ??????? where ??? do you ???? go ??????

And my dude is like "babe I love you but I can't tell you because you won't look at me the same" and she's like "I am your wIFE you better tell me right quick or otherwise have a good nose for almonds in your oatmeal" (jk she doesn't say that because if she did he might've gotten a little foreshadowing of her treachery, but alas, our man was a sucker)

So the knight tells her he's a werewolf, and on the nights he disappears he's wolfing around the countryside and his wife is like !!!!!!!!!! on the inside but makes sure her face is only 🤔 on the outside

(Mind you, Marie de France goes into how the wife is grossed out because she shared her marriage bed with a beast, which has some interesting implications but we'll get to those later)

She starts digging about his transformation until he explains how in order to return to his human shape, he *needs* to put his human clothes back on or else he'll be stuck as a wolf, at which point wifey is 👀👀👀👀

Wifey's like, "but if ur in wolf form, how do u remember where u put ur clothes lol" and the knight's like, "no no, I retain my human mind even in wolf form and besides, I always put them under this one rock outside this cave"

now bear in mind he's never been able to talk about this to anyone so he's pouring his heart out about his deepest secret which he kept even from his wife & I know we're all pretty used to medieval repression but imagine how it must have felt to share this secret at long last 😥

So to recap:

knight: 🤵🏻🛡🐾🌕🐺🤫😅😍♥️💐 wifey: 👰🏼💭🤢🤔👀🧐💡💡👔💍🔪🔪🔪

Our knight is like "yeah so I was born this way and it's just a part of who I am and whew it's kind of a relief to finally be talking about it with someone"

Wifey nods along 🤔🤔🤔 because she's had a💡moment and is 🍳 up a plan...

so the knight has unleashed (pun intended) his secret for the first time in this life and is feeling just dandy, but what he doesn't know is his wife is already plotting his downfall with her...LOVER (dun dun dunnn)

wifey & her secret lover steal the knight's clothes when he's transformed, essentially trapping him in wolf form, get him declared dead in absentia, marry each other & take over his lands

and the royal court goes for this because at this point the whole kingdom knows about the knight's habit of disappearing for days at a time (because medieval nobles are messy gossipy bitches who live for that drama) so they just assume he abandoned her

*~*ONE YEAR LATER*~* (or if you're Malory, *~*SEVEN YEARS LATER*~*)

the king & hunting party corner the wolf-knight in the woods. knight is overwhelmed at the sight of his monarch & runs up to what for all he knows might be his oblivion to kiss king's feet at which point king's like, "THAT'S NO ORDINARY WOLF. HE SHALL JOIN MY COURT IMMEDIATELY."

the wolf-knight goes to live at court where he's basically regarded as a knight (so the takeaway from this part of the lai is that a literal wild animal had a better chance of becoming a knight in ye olden days than a peasant or a woman but I digress)

anyway so there's a celebration at court and who comes to the party but the ex-wifey's new husband, now a baron. understandably, the wolf-knight does NOT react well and attacks him, and the reaction of everyone at court at this near-mauling isn't to say "whoa whoa maybe bringing a wolf to court was a bad idea" but rather "huh, this wolf has never been hostile towards a human before so obviously this guy must've personally wronged him." which is...progressive.

so the new husband/baron/co-conspirator is all "wtf keep it away from me" and the king is like "idk man, what were you wearing? maybe you smelled like royal beef jerky at the time. seems like you were asking for it"

king & the other barons take wolf-knight to the new baron's property. they just need to figure out what's going on because they're not ready to take sir wolf to his final veterinary visit, u feel? they're attached. now get ready for this next part because it's a doozy.

ex-wifey hears about the king's visit so she's waiting with gifts & cakes & shit. the wolf-knight sees her & immediately BITES OFF HER NOSE & he bites it so good her progeny can feel it & henceforth all her descendants are — I SHIT YOU NOT — born noseless. talk about losing face.

under questioning (*cough cough* torture *cough*) the wife admits to her crimes & yields the stolen clothing, which they put in front of the wolf & he just stares at them until they realize "wow yeah sorry dude our bad" and leave the room to give him privacy

when they see the wolf-knight again he's in his human form and in Marie de France's "Bisclavret" it's expressly written that the king embraces him in the bedchamber and gives him "many kisses" (hashtag heterosexual friends doing heterosexual things)

the king restores the wolf-knight's lands and ex-wifey has to live with her ex-baron in exile, forever marked for her betrayal. some real Mark of Cain shit. (obviously this lai has a lot to say about spousal dissatisfaction but that’s another day’s dissertation)

the wolf-knight (Bisclavret, or Melion, or Marrok, or Sir Wolf or whatever you fancy calling him) not only regains his good name, but also the support of a court which now knows his secret dual nature.

something to be hated or feared, only understood and accepted. no one at court shuns him once the secret's out & no one tries to change or "heal" him of his lycanthropy.

remember when I said we'd come back to the wife's reaction? in "Bisclavret" Marie de France specifically states that upon finding out his secret, the wife no longer wishes to "lie beside him." let's unpack that a bit by exploring similar themes across folklore.

the marriage bed serves as a common motif in tales of animal transformation. ex: in "Beauty and the Beast," the protagonist has to overcome her revulsion towards her suitor's ostensible monstrosity before she can accept his marriage proposal. traditionally these stories with mysterious, beastly husbands who are secretly a true catch serve as an allegory for arranged marriage, designed to help young women process their anxieties about being passed from their father's house to that of a strange new husband.

(we should differentiate these tales from those of an ostensibly appropriate groom who turns out to be a monster in disguise such as "Bluebeard," "Mr. Fox," and "The Robber-Bridegroom," as those deserve a detailed thread of their own but also provide good thematic contrast here)

more often the Beast is kind, patient & gives Beauty the time she needs to the detriment of his own freedom from the curse. once the protagonist gets over her anxiety, she ceases to perceive her groom as just a hulking hairy beast and he can take the shape of a prince at last.

circling back to wolves! in most lore both ancient and modern, werewolves represent something uncontrollable; an animalistic second nature which threatens to literally tear through our well-mannered social façade. "Bisclavret" and its various incarnations don't do that.

if you read "Bisclavret" under a queer critical lens, you can interpret the knight as bisexual; a husband has a secret duality to his nature which he is unable to express in their current social order. significantly, he is born with his lycanthropy rather than being afflicted by the sudden, violent means through which most fictional werewolves are afflicted. it's a part of who he is, and it requires no further explanation or cure.

the wolf-knight finds freedom rather than shame in his lycanthropy, and as a result maintains both honor and control while in wolf form. unlike other famous werewolves, he doesn't function as an expression of tension between the id and the superego.

considering how often wolves are used to imply sexual violence (see also: "Little Red Riding Hood" or its medieval predecessor, "The Grandmother's Tale") this would be a fairly positive portrayal of a bisexual man.

however, his wife doesn't see it that way and is repulsed at the thought of sleeping with him again, so she commits adultery and conspires against him. so really, the crimes in "Bisclavret" have a lot to do with sex, just not sexual violence.

the king's attachment to the wolf & the way he embraces the knight can easily be read as homoerotic. there's absolutely an argument to be made about the normalization of homosocial behavior & male kinship across eras but...two things can be true. either interpretation is valid.

so what we have is a werewolf protagonist — not a villain or tortured anti-hero but an honorable man who isn't made to shed his lycanthropy at the end of the tale (tail). rather, he is accepted by his contemporaries and given a place in society to live as he truly is/ROLL CREDITS

#bisclavret #marie de france #medieval literature #queer theory #queer critical theory #medieval lgbtq #werewolves #werewolf literature #i originally posted this to fb & then twitter so u can find these there #my twitter handle is also @joanofarchetype #(it's my pinned tweet)#long post #gif warning

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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I’m Scared (Biadore) - doctor bitchcraftt

Responding to the anon prompt: “Biadore pls where they’re staying in a hotel and Adore thinks her room is haunted and Bianca has to calm her down”

Sorry to be MIA for so long! Life has been a bit rough lately, and I’ve been focusing on my collab with Miss Alyssa over on AO3 to deal with things. Happy to write something light and fluffy. Xoxoxoxo, bitchcraftt

(If you’re not familiar with her, Madeleine Vionnet made famous the bias cut gown. Look her up - you’ll find the silhouettes very reminiscent of a certain BDR :D)

Read and comment on AO3

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Roy was dreaming about sitting down to tea with Madeleine Vionnet to discuss bias cut, cowl-necked gowns when his phone buzzed to life with a particular text tone. He tried to ignore it, leaning forward on an imaginary table to peer at fashion sketches, but the insistent noise dragged him to full consciousness.

He reached for the phone, cursing silently as he pulled his face out of the pillow. For once, they’d all been assigned separate rooms on tour, and he’d been looking forward to a full night’s sleep without any interruptions. Namely, he planned to spend an entire six hours without Danny’s aggressive snuggling (which he didn’t really mind), waking up to a knee in his back, being drooled on, or not being allowed to pass out because Danny smoked up and wanted to discuss the meaning of life.

The lock screen was full of text notifications.

[3:08] u awake?

[3:09] B???

[3:09] r u sleeping?

[3:10] wake up im scared

Groaning, Roy scrubbed a hand across his face and thumbed the phone unlocked, squinting at the sudden brightness.

yes im sleeping

The text went from delivered to read less than a second later.

i cant sleep

He rolled his eyes at the darkness, wondering why he couldn’t ever actually ignore Danny.

can u please not sleep without waking me up?

The three dots that indicated typing popped up before he’d even hit send.

i think my rm is hunted

wtf does that mean?

i cn hear voices

its a HOTEL QUEEN

Ten seconds later, the phone lit up with an incoming call. The photo that popped up was an adorably smiling Danny with Roy looking on fondly, but Roy’s thoughts at that moment were far less charitable.

”Oh my fucking god,” he rasped out, “you woke me up because you’re hearing voices in a hotel in a major city that’s full of other people?”

”B, I’m serious!”

To be fair, Danny did sound genuinely panicked, and he tried to soften his tone.

”Pussyface, you probably had a bad dream, just go back to sleep and we’ll talk in the-“ he glanced at the time and sighed, “in the morning.”

”But-“

”Goodnight, queen.”

He ended the call without waiting for a reply, which would probably bother Danny. He’d have to make up for it in the morning, but three nights in a row of less than five hours on a bus full of queens left him what should be understandably irritable.

Roy dropped the phone back on the nightstand, prodded his pillow into a comfortable shape, and settled down again. Closing his eyes, he hoped that he could pick up the dream where he’d left off. Vionnet was a fashion legend, and even if she was just a figment of his unconscious brain-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

”Fuuuuck,” he moaned, burying his head under the pillow.

Ignoring him never made Danny go away when drunk, and it probably wouldn’t work while sober.

”B? Let me in please?”

Sober Danny’s pleas sounded a lot more helpless, and he debated with his conscience for a total of twelve seconds before swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress and turning on the light.

”B? Please? I’m scared-“

”I’m coming, I’m coming,” he called towards the door, wincing as his feet landed on cold laminate.

He didn’t bother putting on pants - it was just Danny, and if anyone was passing by at this hour, they’d have to deal with seeing his bird’s nest bed head and Adore Delano tank top. Unlocking the door, words of complaint died on his lips at Danny’s expression.

“Get in here,” he muttered, moving aside to let him pass, barefoot and clutching his phone like a safety blanket.

Danny’s eyes were even bigger than usual, lips set in a frightened pout.

”B, I-“

”Save it for the morning, queen,” he threw over his shoulder, not unkindly, as he shuffled back towards the bed.

The expected footsteps following him were absent, and he turned to find Danny halfway between door and bed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other with an uncertain look on his face. Roy sighed again. He probably shouldn’t have been so short with him, but dammit, he was tired. Emceeing for rowdy audiences wore Bianca out, and he needed to sleep if she was going to be able to do it again tomorrow. Today. Whatever.

Climbing back into bed, he held the covers open.

”Come on, unless you’re sleeping on the couch?”

Some of the trepidation fell away, and Danny scurried the rest of the way across the room. As soon as he reached the other side of the bed, Roy turned off the light and waited for the rustling of sheets to die down. He frowned when an armful of mermaid didn’t materialize.

”Pussyface?”

”Sorry,” Danny’s voice sounded small from the other pillow, “didn’t wanna wake you, but I got scared.”

Roy resisted the urge to groan, because Danny would probably take it the wrong way. Instead, he propped himself on an elbow, barely making out Danny’s profile in the glow of the bedside clock.

“Get over here.”

He lifted the covers again, and seconds later a warm body tucked itself under his outstretched arm. Rolling onto his back, he let Danny make himself comfortable, head pillowed on his shoulder. Danny’s feet were cold from his run (it couldn’t have been a walk, his room was at the other end of the floor) down the hall, and Roy gritted his teeth as they hooked over his ankles.

“Sorry.”

”Go to sleep, queen. Tell me about it in the morning.”

Pressing a firm kiss to Danny’s forehead, he closed his eyes again. Their shared heat and the rhythm of breaths gusting over his skin lulled him back towards unconsciousness, and he didn’t try to resist. Hopefully he could sleep through the rest of the night and-

“B?”

Danny’s whisper sounded alarmed.

”What?”

”Did you hear that?”

Roy facepalmed. It was going to be a long night.

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #adore delano #biadore #fluff #humor #doctor bitchcraftt #canon compliant

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apprenticemcthot · 5 years ago

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Apprentice April

no one asked for this but I wanted to write more about my boy so I answered all 20 questions for #ApprenticeApril

1. The Basics. What is your character’s name? How old are they? How tall are they? Skin color? Eye color? Hair color? Gender identification?

Patleayegan, from the Nahuatl patlea (medicine) and yegan (guide). Though he goes mostly by PJ because he had a hard time remembering his own name when Asra had to teach him to speak again after coming back to life. The “y” is actually pronounced as a “j”, so PJ stems from the syllables (Patlea-Jegan).Asra began calling him that instead, and the nickname stuck.

late 20′s, around Asra’s age

5′2″ (158 cm), he comes from a long lineage of shorties

brown skin, brown eyes, brown hair ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

he/him pronouns, but as someone who was taught by Asra, he has no regard for gender

2. Love Interest. Who does your character love? What attracted them to that particular LI?

Julian. He actually had a slight crush on him when he apprenticed for him during the plague. that crush carried over 3 years after when the two met again. At first, his looks were certainly a factor. but once they got to know each other, Julian’s incredible irony of being both a flirt and easily flustered amused PJ

For all the other Love Interests, I use an MC named Naz (they/them)

3. Familiar. Does your character have a familiar? How did they meet?

his dear Tlahtoani. Toani for short. he’s a white Cairn Terrier. They met when PJ was about 6, wandering around the streets. He found Toani looking for food scraps and took him home, fed him, and fell in love with the little ball of mayhem

4. Hobbies. What kinds of things does your character like to do for fun?

Literature. He loves to read. when he came back to life, Asra taught him how to speak again by reading to him. eventually, PJ fell in love with literature. prose and poetry alike. he loves to write love letters to Julian.

5. Hidden talents. Is there something neat that your character can do? Tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue? Say any word backwards perfectly?

Lingustics. He’s very good with languages. once he re-learned the Vesuvian language post-plague, he didn’t stop there. he’s fluent in 3 languages and can hold a simple conversation in 5. can read 3 different types of alphabets. has a talent for pronunciation. oh, he’s also pretty acrobatic.

6. Magical talents. Is there a specific type of magic that your character excels at? Any magic they aren’t so great at? Or do they actually shy away from magic altogether?

Fire Magic. He’s best at magic that involves the elements, but as someone who tends to have strong emotions, he’s the best at using fire. Almost burned down the shop the first time he tried it with Asra post-plague

His family specialised in healing magic (hence his name) but he was never able to live up to his parent’s expectations. He prefers to use potions and herbs rather than his energy to heal. Asra taught him almost everything he knows about being a healer.

7. Interaction. How does your character typically interact with people?

polite boi in the streets, shady bitch in the sheets. He’s tends to carry an air of confidence and professionalism when talking to people he’s just met, especially those of higher social status. Likes to be kind to strangers. But once you get past that layer of chill, he is an absolute savage when it comes to come back. Will call his friends “foolish whores” as a term of endearment.

8. Romance. What is something that your character and their LI love to do together? How do they show affection?

Sleep together! not only in the sexy kind of way but also in the literal sense. Can and will cuddle with Julian for hours on end on any furniture in the shop.

Love letters. because of their work schedules, if PJ can’t spend his morning with Julian, he’ll write him little love notes and have Malak deliver them to him.

9. Travel. Does your character like to travel outside of Vesuvia? How often? For how long? What kinds of things do they do away from home?

Would love to travel the world but hasn’t found the time. It was his parents who did most of the traveling while he stayed behind in Vesuvia to watch the shop. Though after meeting Julian, the two have gone on their fair share of trips that were nothing short of honeymoon-like wink wink

10. WTF. Has anything just…weird ever happened to your character? Something that made them stop and go “What just happened?!”

well, apart from being brought back from the dead

lose things. he tends to misplace things quite often only for them to reappear months later. At first he thought it was Faust or maybe even the stove salamander hoarding his trinkets but turns out the shop itself has magic and it tends to be pretty mischievous

11. Crime. Has your character ever been arrested? If so, what did they do? Have they ever helped stop a crime?

other than buying illegal ingredients from the Red Market, he has no desire to break the law, especially if it means Nadia will be disappointed in him

12. Secrets. What is a secret that your character has? Are they in line for the throne in a far off land? Was there this one time at band camp…? Are they secretly involved in an assassin’s guild?

He’s actually AFAB but was able to change his body into something more affirming at an early age with the help of his parents who were Vesuvia’s best healer magicians at the time. (Though there was nothing they could do about his meager height)

He’s not exactly hiding this part of his past but he has spent the vast majority of his life in a body that is true to his identity that he often forgets about the body he was born in. In fact, it was Asra that had to explain this part of his past to him post-plague

13. Overcompensation. Is there something that your character just HAS to do better than anyone else? Or are they just that dang good without trying? If they see someone else showing off, what is their kneejerk reaction?

Has a tragic case of the Napoleon Complex in that he compensates for his lack of height with a pretty big attitude. Has the confidence of a dragon and the body of a lizard. Would rather climb over counters than have someone taller hand him something he can’t reach

also thinks he’s a good drinker but is a complete lightweight because of his small body

14. Fight Club. Is your character a good fighter? What kind of skills do they have?

Rutheless. He’s never killed anyone but had he been a gladiator, he would’ve absolutely destroyed his opponents. Again, his emotions heavily influence his fire magic, so he’s able to burn someone pretty badly if he finds himself angry/determined enough

Can and will cut a bitch during a bar fight. Not afraid to fight dirty. Skilled at hand-to-hand combat but prefers to use weapons.

15. The Arts. Is your character a creative type? What kinds of things can they create? Can they act? Street perform?

Really good visual artist (loves to paint and do sculptures), even better writer. Mediocre actor compared to Julian, so he prefers to write scenes and have Julian act them out

16. Goofy. Is your character a clown? Do they like to make people laugh?

More of a jokester than a clown really, though he’s really good at throwing shade (he learned from the best)

17. Language. Is your character multilingual? How many languages do they speak? Do they have an accent? Is it sexy? Is it silly? Do they have a multilingual lisp?

Bilingual, though he can read and understand a number of other languages. When speaking Vesuvian, dear darling boy has an accent that is the result of a bastardisation of all the languages he has encountered and picked up throughout the years. He has an accent most commonly see in people from the Western lands as that’s where his mother tongue originated.

In modern terms, his accent sounds like a grotesque combination of accents from Manchester, Brooklyn and Mexico

18. Embarrassment. What is something really embarrassing that your character has done/said?

Drunken stories. Doesn’t remember this himself, but before the plague PJ would so some pretty reckless and hilarious things whenever him and Asra would drink.

Julian has come to find that PJ still is a daredevil drunk

he did a backflip on top of a table at the Rowdy Raven and broke the table in half

19. Memory. Has your character gotten any of their memory back? If so, what? Did it change them?

Kind of. Most of what he knows about his past come from Asra telling him stories. barely remembers his family but is fine with it as he considers the other characters his family.

He sometimes gets small flashback of his childhood when he was about 6 or 7, but it’s mostly just images of him practicing magic

the most cherished memory he gained was that of his familiar Toani when they first met.

20. Family. Talk about your character’s family. Who were they?

In modern terms, his has Aztec heritage

His family comes from the West, though his parents moved to Vesuvia to start up what is now the magic shop

a long lineage of healer magicians

Had two siblings but both died alongside his parents during the plague.

Doesn’t know if he has any extended family, though Asra thinks that he might have some uncles and aunts left back West

#apprentice april #apprenticeapril #the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana mc #the arcana apprentice #fan apprentice

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btswishes · 5 years ago

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I am not good enough.

Werewolf Au (Wonho)

Part1 / Part2 / Part3 / Part4 / Part5 / Part6 / Part7 /

A/N: This was a major brain fart during my author’s block and aint gonna lie it’s low key dirty as hell, but i fell in love with the idea. XD Sorry for any mistakes made and I hope yall like it.

Word count: 2,739

Warnings: Dirty, flirting, suggestive language, cursing

----------------------------------------------------

They say words can hurt us more than actions or physical wounds and sometimes that is true. When the words come from someone you care about, they turn into a invisible blade that goes through your body and latches onto your very existence. It may look and feel like it was forgotten, but once the owner walks by ,you feel the stinging pain deep down, where you can’t reach and free yourself.

You rose your body on the branch and leaned your right hand onto the bark, looking at the brightly lit window. You could see the boys sitting on the floor, enjoying food and talking happily between themselves.

Swallowing a few times, you hoped to get rid of the lump stuck in your throat. Who wouldn’t want to join them? It looked so warm and so comforting. You didn’t want to hang out there for too long, since you knew better than to be caught. But no matter what Chang Kyun by chance looked out the glass and noticed you. His body twitched about to get up, but you moved your head side to side slowly with closed eyes.He once more relaxed his body, staring at you with slight notes of pain in his gaze. You fell back slowly into the shadows of the tree crown and the veil of the moon lit night took you far from the warmth.

The wind was strong as you were speeding through the leaves, to a unknown destination. The smell of water and earth were pulling onto you. Threes and bushes pulled a curtain from in front of your eyes ,showing the open lake that was hidden behind.

“You are early.” spinning onto your heels, you leaned forward and smiled at the familiar voice

“If you are already here, than I am not early at all.” a little snicker escaped your pink lips

“Shall we start?” the man asked

“I am as ready as ever.”

With a swift move you took off your jacket and kicked off your shoes. Silence was dancing around you. With a gentle push from the wind, a lonely leaf started falling from it’s high home. It was swirling and flying before it hit the ground. It made no sound to humans, but to your senses it was more than noticeable.The leaf didn’t have much time to rest on the ground ,as the backlash you made threw it farther than it landed. Hits, kicks, bites and growls. One hit the other, the ground was cracking, the threes were shaking and the creatures were silent as the battle nurtured the earth with drops of blood.

How long was this going on for, no one knew. The man found himself on the ground and a pair of white calm eyes looking down at him.

“I never get tired of this color.” you reached out and he took your hand, standing up swiftly

“So, what is next?” back facing the man, stretching your hands up ,you leaned sideways

“As much as I enjoy you throwing me around like a rag doll.”he patted his clothes clean from some dirt “I have nothing more.”

“Dean, you know I can’t stop now.” upon hearing his words you stood up looking at the moon ,that peeked thought the clouds

“I mean it, I have nothing more to teach you as an alpha. Actually ,I feel like you can teach me some things. Knowing you though...” he paused as your head moved slowly towards him. The light of the night turning your frame black to him. Your eyes were slowly looking up towards Dean, now with a certain power flowing from them. The white color in them started trembling, left turning slowly gold and the right silver. “...I don’t think I will be able to learn what you know.”

“Dean I can’t...I can’t stop now.”Your head moved to the side as he walked closer. His hand onto your cheek pulling your head to look at him with those eyes

“Look at you. Those eyes are proof of something dwelling in you.” he leaned closer towards you, but stopped inches from your lips ,almost as if burned by something he can’t possibly have. Dean’s head moved to the side, looking away from you. His hand slowly let go of your skin as he walked back.

“You should go now, we might both be alphas, but your condition isn’t ideal for us to be alone like this.”his back faced you “Mating season is upon us.” he looked at you with the corner of his eye “Don’t forget that bit of yourself Y/N, men are wolves and bow down fully only to their animal instincts. You were safe till now, but you smell of maturity.And that scent can’t be overlooked.”

“Dean wait!” you grabbed his sleeve “I need this and you know it! You are the only one who knows about....me. You understand better than anyone that right now I need your help the most.” you gripped the fabric harder as your eyes looked in the direction of the pack house “They don’t trust me...” violently you shook your head as your hand hit your chest “I need to prove myself to them, I need to make them see that I am worthy to be followed!”

“Y/N...” he spoke but you were in a hysteric shock “Y/N!” he cupped your cheeks and howled loud, your knees hit the ground and tears took over the silents, dripping one after the other, mixing with the blood still on your face “Listen to me!” he yelled out again ,pulling your attention towards himself “You don’t need my help anymore! What you need to do is figure yourself out and fast.”

Dean stood up “I don’t understand this, I don’t know what to do anymore!” your eyes were pleading for help

“You don’t get it, do you?”he started walking away from you “Look at yourself. You submitted to me in seconds. If you want to be an alpha ,a true full fledged alpha , stand up from the dirt and claim your pack.Use your damn power and stop trying to hide it! I know if you wish it,you could turn me into minced meat.Either own up to your potential or embrace your third nature...” he flashed his wolf teeth with a wave of anger “...and submit to the ones stronger than you.Lead or be led.” his body disappeared into thin air and you were left in the emptiness of the nature.

You chose....

“I made my choice years ago.” after awhile you gathered yourself up finally“No one wants a mutt...” grabbing your jacket you jumped on a tree and went back home. Trying to leave behind the emotional scene you just made. You were embarrassed and ashamed of what just happened. How could you even submit without noticing it.In the end, it was far more difficult to control nature, while it was fighting within you.

You reached the pack house in mere seconds. The lights were still on and the boys were sleeping on the ground. You sighed at the scene lightened up your heart, melting away the unpleasant memory from minutes ago.

“Hey!”you yelled out with hands on your waist “Get up!”

“Mmmm.” Joohoney mumbled under his nose “It’s Y/N!” his hands were wobbly

“Are you drunk?!” you couldn’t believe your eyes “Shownu!” you looked at the couch, but the boy wasn’t responding at all, knocked out hard

“Leave him be.All are pretty much dead drunk right now.” Hyungwon rolled over from behind a chair

“How come you are fine then?”

“I fell asleep the moment I arrived pretty much.” he stretched one of his arms above his head “They were getting drunk cus they were lonely or something stupid like that.”

“Lonely? Ohhhh.”you clapped your hands together “Mating season started a week ago.”

“Yeah and you know how things get heated up during that time. Plus the peak is right now anyways.” Hyungwon grabbed his pillow and went to his room “I am going to sleep, night.”

“Wait, are you going to leave me to deal with everyone?” you tried not to be too loud

“Well yeah. You are the pack leader after all. Night.” he waved at you and disappeared. Sighing deeply, you leaned and picked up Shownu first ,taking him to his room, after that Joohoney and everyone that followed.

It took you less than 5min probably. “Ok, one, two, three, four, five...”you were pointing at the rooms “Hyungwon went to bed by himself already so he is six.Ughh.” you rubbed your eyes “I am still missing a troublemaker.” you were searching and searching, but he was still missing. It was midnight already and you sure as hell were planning to sleep.

“He should be fine. Wonho is buff enough to keep himself safe, that undeveloped alpha.”you laughed at your own remark and made your way up the stairs towards your room. You took a quick shower, brushed your teeth and put on your pjs. The bed was just calling out to you.

You made sure to lock the door before you were completely comfortable alone in your room. Safety measures during the mating season. You lock on your target and ran towards the bed, jumping on top of it.

“Ugh!”you groaned in discomfort, when you landed on something that wasn’t as soft as you expected “What is this thing?” you moved around to try and identify the mysterious object you were sitting on. As you leaned forward, you suddenly yelped.Something grabbed your thighs tightly and swung you around. Now you were 100% sure it wasn’t something but someone. You reached out and removed the cover, revealing light pink puffy hair.

“Yah!”you hit the man “WONHO! You shithead! Wtf are you doing in my room?!” you grabbed his shoulders about to throw his ass through the window. Your eyes glowed in the dominant alpha golden color.

“Nah.” he said with a breathy tone, as his hand grabbed both of yours and pinned them above your head. You were so socked that you couldn’t even try to move him. After awhile you took a deep breath and opened your eyes again, ready to finish what you started, but you saw him inches from you. His eyes glowing gold, illuminating your skin. Your hands couldn’t move at all.

“Hey now, what is all of this you half grown alpha?”you tried to mock him, but Wonho tightened his grip on your wrists and came closer. His head was in the crook of your neck. You could hear him sniffing you up and down.

“Smells....smells sweet.” his breath was warm on your neck, sending chills down your spine. You couldn’t move and were shocked at what was happening right now. His tongue licked your neck and that made you look to the side almost immediately. Just for a second you saw yourself in the reflection of the water glass. The gold fading slowly.From a dominate thick color, to a lighter silver and finally a pure white.

“Wonho...W-Wonho get off me...”you were trying to kick him, but he wasn’t moving

“Wonho...Wonho...Wonho..”he kept repeating his own name in the shell of your ear. He pulled away and looked in your eyes “I like how it rolls off your tongue, your voice makes it sound like honey.I wonder...” his piercing gaze slowly going down to your lips, before he crashed his own on top of yours. You were wiggling under him for a bit, but started submitting. It wasn’t like with Dean, it was different ,it felt right, like you had to.

He let go of your hands and swung you onto your stomach. “ This room smells so sweet, it smells like you. I have been trying to stay away from the second floor as much as I can, but I just couldn’t tonight. It was...calling for me.” his hand grabbed onto your eyes and pulled your head off the bed. “I know I am not a fully formed alpha even at my age, but you are just hypnotizing. Walking around us dressed so comfortably, with those shorts and that lose shirt. You think I wouldn’t notice you teasing?”

“I-I wasn’t teasing...”Wonho suddenly ripped off your shirt “Ah!” you jumped shocked by his sudden aggressive move

“Since you want to be noticed so much, let me give you a little gift.” his right hand was holding your eyes and his left your body flush against the bed.His head came close to your neck, you could feel his muscles on your exposed body. He gently licked the back of your neck. As you were just sitting there you felt something sharp on your skin. Even though your eyes were covered, they were wide open right now. You placed your hands on the bed trying to push him off. From between his fingers glimmered the golden light even if it was faint.

“Nah baby girl, we don’t do that.” the words rolled off his tongue, when he bit hard. When he released his jaw, he licked the spot a bit to sooth the residual pain. You were panting shocked.

“Wonho!” you began struggling once you realized how bad things were getting “Stop!”

“I am not done yet.”he turned you on your back “Don’t move.” the words came from between his teeth and the bite on your neck started to heat up. You squinted your eyes. Your left eye tried to turn gold, but it was just a muddy mix between the predominant white. You couldn’t move.

“Be a good girl, I am almost done.”he moved down towards your legs, laying right between them

“Wonho get a grip on yourself!!!” you tried to sit up, but he put his hand on your stomach and looked up with piercing sharp eyes “What did I tell you.” he meant business.As much as you were resisting you didn’t need his hormones to keep you in check, if you weren’t worried about the alpha position, you would have surrendered already. But you were a pack leader.

You felt his strong hands pick your thighs up and smooth his finger over one spot “Who knew you were so soft and vulnerable...I...” he leaned into the skin ”....like it.” he bit down while still speaking. Not even hesitating he turned his head to the other thigh and marked it deep too.

“Now, that wasn’t too bad was it?” he smirked “I like this Y/N a lot.” Wonho’s head was on the same level as yours, his words stirring up the inside of your body as your chest was moving up and down deeply “Hot and bothered, smells like me, reacts only to me.I might get used to th-” your breath stopped the moment his words did. You almost screamed when he dropped on top of you.

“W-Wonho?” suddenly his body flew and hit the door hard “Wonho!!!”you jumped up, holding the cover in front of your naked chest. You moved fast to see if he was ok.

“I can’t believe this shit.FUCK!” you hard the bed frame make a loud cracking sound “What did I tell you Y/N!? Shit ,shit, SHIT!!!.”the men ran his hand through his hair

“You didn’t have to try and kill him.”you said standing up from the floor and looking back

“That is true. It should have been you doing this, not me!” he swung his hand aggressively towards you “I told you to domesticate these dogs and put them in line! Not let this late bloomer mark you!”

“Dean stop yelling at me!” you growled at him flashing your fangs and eyes, pulling a laugh out him

“Oh now you act like an alpha. So you growl at me like you will bite my throat off but you moan at him?What is he?Your mate or some shit?” Dean threw his jacket on top of you “Put that on and come on.” he grabbed you and hocked his arm under your knees, lifting your bridal style “ Better hold on to me and don’t say anything.I am fucking god damn pissed right now. In your state you can’t even try and fight me.” stepping on the window sill he jumped into the night and dashed towards his pack house

“Where are we going?” you asked whispering

“Shut the fuck up and hold tight.” as much as you didn’t want to listen to him you had to. Your eyes kept noticing how Wonho’s body was getting distant from you too.

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asherlockstudy · 6 years ago

Text

Well, the Valonqar prophecy was fulfilled though

Poor me trying to explain all the fuckery that was Jaime’s scenes

Hear me out. But before you do, disclaimer! everything I will say here is 99% the result of shitty writing that incidentally can be read as something “more”. Believe me, I have no faith in the next episode. In fact, I am kind of...jolly because the treatment of most characters was so bad I ended up finding it entertaining. However, there are some things regarding Jaime’s scenes that I couldn’t avoid considering so I’m going to write them down even if it’s for nothing. Which it almost certainly is.

Sooooo...the worst case scenario was the real one as it usually happens in this shitty world. Jaime Lannister bids his farewell to his character arc of 7,5 seasons and rides back to King’s Landing to die with Cersei.

There are some curious nuances to that general assumption here, one of them being that the way Jaime essentially breaks up with Brienne in the previous episode was so ambiguous that half the viewers, even some who didn’t care for the relationship of these two, were convinced Jaime was planning to kill Cersei and didn’t want Brienne to follow.Then again, this ambiguity might have been intentional by our brilliant writers - who will Jaime choose in the end?

So let’s talk about the last encounter of the Lannister brothers. Let me tell you, A LOT of weird things happen in that scene.

First: According to the Unsullied, Daenerys was not the one who commanded them to guard Jaime. Someone else that we never got to know gave the order and Tyrion makes the mistake to not ask their identity. When Tyrion asks “was it the Queen”, the soldier laconically answers “No” and I wonder if there’s some certain weight hiding in that withdrawn piece of information. The Unsullied could have simply said “Greyworm’s orders” or something like that. Hmmm. Then again, it could be that D&D felt they were giving Tyrion a clever line about outranking there (lol). Or, if we are very, very, very hopeful, someone that outranks Tyrion in ways we don’t yet know wanted Jaime guarded out of Tyrion’s reach. And that someone wasn’t Daenerys.

Second: Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised by now but in the very first seconds we have another proof that Jaime is stupid™. He just decided to walk around or through Dany’s camp flashing the gold hand left and right. When Tyrion asks him why on earth he didn’t hide it, Jaime, also somewhat laconically, says it was because he was stupid. In the last season, we saw that Jaime had the common sense to hide his hand before heading for the North. So, is Jaime’s low IQ dropped even more here, reaching abysmal depths, or did he think he shouldn’t have anything to fear if he walked through Dany and Jon’s lines as Jaime Lannister?

Third: Well, watch the scene. Jaime is actually not only fed up with the whole chaos but he’s also reluctant to help Cersei, at least in the way Tyrion instructs him to. Look at their dialogue:

Tyrion: You’re going to her. To die with her.

Jaime: You’ve underestimated her before. (Soooo he was going there to live with her? In the middle of that utter destruction? It seems Jaime believed Sansa’s words about Cersei’s victory more than Tyrion’s. Jaime deflects Tyrion’s observation here.)

Tyrion: She’s going to die. Unless you can convince her to change her course of action.

Jaime: Difficult to do from here. (Excuse)

Tyrion shows the key to his chains.

Jaime: Ooooh, when have I ever been able to convince Cersei of anything? (Is it me or is he actually fighting it?!)

Tyrion: Try. If not for yourself, if not for her, then for everyone of the million people in that city, innocent or otherwise. (Tyrion knows all the things that motivated Jaime once.)

Jaime: To be honest, I never really cared much for them. Innocent or otherwise. (There, fellows, you heard it. Jaime Lannister just said he doesn’t care for the innocents. Whom he decided to protect from a mad king 20 years ago and from 100000 zombies a few days ago. I promised to fight for the living, he said. With. one. hand. Either D&D are fucking delusional or Jaime is really fighting against his brother’s proposition to help their sister. To the point of “fuck everything”.)

Tyrion (a little taken aback): You do care for an innocent. I know you do. So does Cersei. She has a reason now.

Jaime (after a little consideration): The child is the reason she’ll never give an inch. All the worst things she’s ever done, she’s done for her children...... It’s not impossible that she’ll win. (LOL “fuck everything including my kids... shit I overdid it here...let’s go back to the first argument because I have nothing else to say”)

Tyrion: She won’t.

Jaime: Her enemies’ forces have been depleted as she said they would be. Two of the three dragons are dead. She’s evened the odds -

Tyrion: The city will fall tomorrow -

Jaime: ...she has the Lannister army, she has the gold- (”pls let me recite all the reasons why I should not help her”)

Tyrion: I defended the city the last time it was attacked, I know it better than anyone, it will fall tomorrow!

Jaime: Then I suppose I’ll die tomorrow, if not before! (”CAN YOU JUST LET ME DIE HERE IN PEACE?”)

Tyrion: Why?! (”WTF ‘S WRONG WITH YOU?”) Escape. The two of you together. Remember where we met, where they keep the dragon skulls beneath the Red Keep (let’s not start with the dragons out of stone again), take her down there, keep following the stairway down down as far as they’ll go, you’ll come out onto a beach at the foot of the Keep but a dinghy will be waiting for you. Sail out of the bay, if the winds are kind, you’ll make it to Pentos. Start a new life.

Jaime (weakly but sarcastically): Sail right past the Iron Fleet and into a new life...sounds a lot less likely than Cersei winning this - (Hey, you got to give it to this man, he’s still trying)

Tyrion: There won’t be an Iron Fleet for much longer! Do it! If you don’t, you’ll never see Cersei again!

Tyrion: Swear to me!

Jaime: YOU HAVE MY WORD!!!!

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Jaime just needs to give his word to someone.

I won’t try to sugarcoat it and claim Jaime gave zero shit for Cersei but I think the reason he eventually complied was because he saw how much Tyrion wanted it. He decided to do it for Tyrion, first and foremost. Jaime only starts considering Tyrion’s proposal when his brother suggests that if he takes his pregnant sister far away from the capital, he might have a chance at a new life with a child and a hopefully mellower Cersei. Still, he tries to refuse but then it’s honestly Tyrion who forces him to care again for Cersei and also technically demands him to remember his duty as a Knight. In a way, Tyrion creates a dreamy image of Jaime making a healthy family with a sane Cersei and Jaime uneagerly succumbs to it. Again, in a way, Tyrion takes the role of the small devil in Jaime’s mind, even though he has good intentions for his sibling.

I have many questions here. I don’t understand why Jaime decided to return (or, rather, teleport) there. He didn’t seem to have a plan or to be seriously determined to get back to Cersei. I wonder if what some fans said is true - Jaime returned because he felt he deserved to die as much as the rest of the Lannisters, without intending to help them. Why is Jaime so reluctant to follow Tyrion’s helpful plan and save Cersei and their child, if this was supposedly the reason he left Brienne? So many things don’t add up here. We have many scenes lately where Jaime looks like he has an inner fight that none of us or the other characters can truly decipher. However, it might be something we’ve seen before - Jaime gives up easily. The moment he was captured, he thought everything was pointless and embraced the possibility of death. Like when his hand was cut and was starving himself, willing to die until Brienne talked him out of it. The other possibility is that he didn’t trust Tyrion and thought he was probably testing his allegiances but first, if he said Cersei was going to win, Dany would be mad anyway and second, Jaime is too naive to consider that his brother might set a trap for him, which is right actually. Tyrion wouldn’t do this to Jaime. The last possibility is that Jaime had a bad premonition for this and he didn’t want to do it. Whatever the reason was, Jaime originally felt he shouldn’t do it but was essentially forced to do it out of honour, duty, love for his brother and a teensy glimpse of planted hope that he and Cersei might actually have had a chance to leave the past behind.

But I do think he’s conflicted.

That’s the last we see of Jaime before he truly descends into his character assassination. To me, this shot shows that he is really conflicted. He doesn’t want to do what Tyrion asked him to do. But he is going to do it all the same. I don’t know why he is so negative towards it? Is it him having different plans? Different beliefs on what his and Cersei’s fate should be? Or is it instict? Instict isn’t a satisfactory answer either because he was already prepared to die and I’m quite confident that deep inside Jaime knew Tyrion was right about Cersei losing that war and dying.

The stupidity starts when Jaime meets Euron. Euron’s like hey let’s fight for no reason and Jaime’s like got a job to do but then Euron tells him come on kill another king or if I kill you, I’ll give your head to Cersei and you can kiss her one last time so that’s the last straw for Jaime and he engages in a one handed fight he should have lost. I think this simply is terrible ridiculous writing. The screenwriters felt they were massacring Jaime’s character which is why they had Tyrion exclaim how important Jaime was for him (I can accept that) and have him take out a bad guy before he goes for the lame suicide. Of course the last one was simply a piece of crap and felt forced and unnecessary. Cripple Jaime takes a sword in the kidneys like twice, then kills Euron and then probably ascends a staircase of like 1000 steps to reach the Red Keep and then also descends them and dies from rocks instead. LMAO at that. Was it the power of love? Was the Gold Lion that Jaime always was? Was it the shittiest writing in history of a TV show? Well. I find suspicious that Euron keeps repeating Jaime managed to kill a second king though. Here’s a guess - Jaime is supposed to take another king or queen down in the books but the screenwriters had to adjust the writing for the surprise!!!! So we got that caricature of Euron, self- proclaimed a king, to die by Jaime. They could use a little kid instead with a label reading KING on his forehead. Another weird thing: “I killed Jaime Lannister!”. I wonder if this has any meaning at all because eventually Jaime commits suicide with a rock and THAT’S what happened. A sword in the kidneys? Twice? Such superficial scratches don’t get to the mighty Jaime Lannister. And I wish this was the only fuckery in this scene:

Jaime does not have Window’s Wail. He carries a plain sword.

Definitely not this one. The plot thickens, wouldn’t you agree? I don’t know how much I can hypothesize here but if this is Jaime Jaime (honestly, I start doubting it for real) then JAIME DID NOT TAKE HIS TWIN SWORD HE HAD WITH BRIENNE IN HIS MISSION TO SAVE CERSEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something is seriously weird here. We have a pointless scene between Jaime and Euron. In this pointless scene Jaime doesn’t use his own sword (which is also connected to Brienne) and Euron says “I am the man who killed Jaime Lannister” and yet Jaime is capable of walking thousands of steps up and down and then he dies because of a completely different cause. How long would he stay alive if he didn’t die from the Red Keep’s collapse? Why was this scene needed? Is it just THAT bad writing and the need to atone for what is about to follow? Did D&D feel he needed to atone for what he was about to do?

Here’s an unpopular opinion. I don’t think Jaime needs to atone for anything. Do I like the choice he made in the end? No. Do I like the way he chose to die in the end? No. However, bear with me, D&D and Nik are right when they say that ending felt real to the character, even if he didn’t deserve it. We all expected Jaime to kill Cersei for all the abuse she did to him and all the evil she was responsible for but this ending had me thinking; since when does Jaime kill people out of spite or to take revenge or to punish? Has Jaime ever shown signs of violent fury, even if it’s justified? If I remember correctly, Jaime explicitly said he wasn’t interested in taking revenge from Locke for maiming him, although even Brienne thought this would be an understandable desire. Jaime kept protecting the people, innocent or otherwise, even though they ‘ve been loathing him for decades for saving them from the Mad King. Most of the crimes he has committed were for love (healthy or not) or protectivity or by mistake. I don’t want to include the murder of his cousin here because THIS was the most out of character thing Jaime has done and I’m willing to bet D&D wanted to make his redemption arc that started shortly after more SurPriSiNg.

So it doesn’t weird me out that as he was dying he couldn’t hold anything against his toxic sister anymore. Neither does it annoy me that Cersei was terrified and most of her arrogance had left her at that Day of Reckoning. Why did this make people so mad? It’s delusional to think that Cersei was the Big Villain. She never had anything on Joffrey or Ramsey or (book) Euron or Aerys or his nice daughter. She was a horrible woman who deserved to die, that’s for sure, but this doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want a close person back to her as they were about to die or that she wouldn’t realise before the end that some things should have mattered to her more than power.

When Jaime meets her again, there’s no fight left inside him. He’s the old Jaime again, the one who loves her unconditionally, unlike the one we saw with Tyrion. I wonder if this has an emotional or a symbolic meaning or perhaps I am thinking too deep into this. It could be explained emotionally because Jaime knows they are both going to die and it’s pointless to oppose to her at this point. She dies, the child dies, he dies. What would be the point of choking her to death when they can die as lovers or as siblings (awkward) embracing each other. Fans forget that they had found themselves in a position where previous fights and hate did not matter anymore since they would definitely die anyway. It’s a parallel with the fight between the Hound and the Mountain who pointlessly decided to kill each other although they would 99% die anyway. The Hound and Jaime follow parallel paths in this case - they could have never returned. They could have left hate and desire for vengence or the toxic love behind and they would have lived. They both get punished for being unable to leave the past behind even in an hour like that - Hound is punished by having the death he dreaded and Jaime is punished by having all his prospects buried along with himself and the love he supposedly couldn’t shake off. There is a huge difference though - the Hound is consistent throughout his whole life about wanting revenge from his brother whereas Jaime falters and fumbles, tries to resist and it is ultimately Tyrion who convinces him to return back to Cersei irreversibly. Jaime holds Cersei tenderly, delays and then leads her beneath the Red Keep.

Why was Arya there? What was the point of having her reach King’s Landing and enter the Red Keep only to live and survive? Maybe the point was that Cersei, who always desired to survive, if not for herself then for the elephant baby she was apparently gestating for like 2 years, might have had a chance to escape. Sure, she ‘s portrayed to be lost and helpless and as the Red Keep collapses around her, she has lost her quick thinking unlike Arya. However, there was still a chance like there was a chance for the Hound and the Mountain if they hadn’t chosen to kill each other instead. There was a small possibility for Cersei to survive. Tyrion and Jaime took that chance from her. Tyrion had the idea and Jaime executed it. Both her little brothers sealed her death.

The prophecy was fulfilled and I am sure it was going to follow a similar path in the books. GRRM has said that prophecies are not to be trusted but I think it’s obvious he wouldn’t spend so much time in them if none of it was going to be proven right. The thing is, the prophecies will come true in ways we don’t expect. We were searching for the valonqar but there were two people in Cersei’s life who could fit that role and both had a part in the fulfillment of the prophecy, a part that felt very real for each character. Tyrion, as the clever -er Lannister, is the “mastermind” behind the plan. He tries to compensate for his stupidity upon realising that he tried to fight the evil in King’s Landing by bringing an even bigger one. Filled with guilt, he tries to atone by helping the family he had turned against, even if the family was problematic. He sends Jaime to her rescue, thinking that he helps his loving brother and his innocent child and that he asks forgiveness from his sister for destroying the entire city because of their personal vendetta. (Because whatever was wrong between the two siblings, it should not fall on the people’s heads.) On the other hand, Jaime “the soldier” is the executioner who second-guesses what he’s about to do but he does it as a Knight, out of duty for his family. He outdoes himself in order to find her and lead her to the dungeons of the Red Keep, where there’s no way out.

And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.

That happened. Cersei is desperate, truly drowned in her tears, begging Jaime to save her, supposedly for the child. Jaime looks around a bit and easily embraces their fate. He holds her there in place while she cries she wants the child to live. Jaime wraps his fingers around her neck tenderly and essentially bares her from that last reason for her to survive and tells her that nothing matters but them (who supposedly have no reason or worth to stay alive but should leave this world together instead). This is confusing - does Jaime truly throws everything else that meant something to him in the dumpster or does he want to make Cersei’s death as sweet as possible? Trying to convince her that she shouldn’t worry about all the reasons why she should live but instead think that she dies like they always said they would - with him, together. I know many people didn’t like how good Cersei’s death was but it wasn’t a good death in my opinion - better than fire but still scary and tragic as hell. Cersei keeps lamenting “Not like this, not like this, not like this” which means she hated the way she was about to die. True enough, she dies from the castle that was the symbol of the power she yearned for so much, while a young and beautiful queen takes everything she loved from her: her crown, the child, herself and, well, her brother who she did not love healthily or selflessly but, still, loved more than anyone else besides her children, I guess. Furthermore, Cersei always wanted to die on her own terms, an opportunity that was also taken from her. She’s pregnant, so she doesn’t want to die by drinking poison and leaving this world with her pride intact. Furthermore, she is not the one who handles the situation. She becomes the follower for once in her life, trusting in Jaime who would always protect her, only to be led by him to her certain and unavoidable death. Jaime himself is the one who demands of her to accept the truth and face death.

Of couse he dies too. I guess. This ending leaves me baffled in the sense that the Lannister brothers’ fate is now too interwined. Cersei’s death reminds me of Tywin’s - Tyrion kills Tywin because Jaime allowed it to happen in a way and now Jaime kills Cersei because Tyrion convinced him to lead her down there. At this point, both the brothers have fulfilled all the criteria for the prophecies of Azor Ahai and the Valonqar, but the one is dead and the other doesn’t strike me as a fighter sent from a god. Of course, like people and leaks say 1385 times per day, the prophecies don’t matter much, especially in the show but I just...can’t unsee it. The Valonqar was definitely fulfilled. I suspect the Three Headed Dragon one rings true too in some ways, regarding Dany, Jon and the dragons. And if somehow Jaime survives this collapse, or doesn’t, it doesn’t matter, he could be resurrected by the Lord of Light like Jon was after around 30 swords in his guts, then he won’t just survive just to be a humble worn dude living peacefully (with Brienne). If Jaime survives, that makes him Azor Ahai or makes him the King of Westeros or both. So either we’ll get nothing or everything.

Long story short, while Jaime’s storyline has unbelievably many loose threads and I don’t hate it. I’ve decided I won’t hate him even if that was the last we saw of him. Jaime didn’t reunite with Cersei as a lover either, they reunited as twin siblings. This is my very subjective perception of it but I like to think that the baby doesn’t matter to Jaime anymore because that nature of his relationship with Cersei doesn’t matter to him anymore. But she’s still family and he still had dedicated 40 years of his life to her. He was never very clever and he has always been self-destructive and, worse, he always needed someone to urge him towards a certain direction. I want to emphasize this, which is also why I always expected certain big things from Jaime; although Jaime has a good understanding of the world and what’s right, he rarely, if ever, takes the initiative to do something on his own. He’s usually pushed by others, Cersei, Brienne, Tyrion towards a direction. This is why I always thought Jaime was guided by his destiny like there’s an invisible hand pushing him without him realising it. I’ve noticed a pretty consistent pattern about Jaime - he does not respond in critical questions that start with “Why”.

Jaime eventually tells Catelyn he pushed Bran out of the window. She asks him why and he never responds. However, he later tells her he sleeps with Cersei so this wasn’t the reason he didn’t respond.

Brienne asks him why he saved her from Bolton’s men. He never responds. You could argue that he starts developing feelings and can’t process them yet but this actually was the equivalent of his book “I dreamt of you” explanation after the Bear Pit. So, it was like destiny was showing him the way without him realising it.

As we saw, Tyrion asks Jaime why he finds so many excuses against following his plan to save Cersei and himself. Jaime never responds. It’s as if this goes against his destiny and he tries to avoid it but then destiny meets him anyway beneath the Red Keep. Jaime embraces his and Cersei’s death far too easily.

And since I spoke of “unbelievably many loose threads” let me make a summary of Jaime in the 8th season for the end.

Bran sees Jaime is heading for Winterfell and waits for him throughout the cold winter night. He doesn’t seem to have a precise picture of when exactly Jaime will arrive and he prefers to stay out there than be the one to tell the truth to Jon about his heritage. In short, Bran waits for Jaime and has an assistant to do what very soon will unleash hell in the entirety of Westeros. Jaime is vindicated in his trial or, at least, tolerated. Bran watches the trial intently and then he also watches intently Jaime looking at Brienne. Jaime apologizes to Bran which Bran almost dismisses as something he did to protect his family. Jaime however says he’s not that man anymore. He asks Bran why he didn’t blame him in the trial and Bran insinuates Jaime will prove very helpful soon (supposedly in the Long Night). Jaime asks what will happen afterwards and Bran looks (for like the first time ever) intrigued and entertained at Jaime’s certainity that he will survive. Jaime spends the rest of the days fanboying over Brienne, expressing his gratitude, knighting her and asking to fight under her command. In the battle of Winterfell, both care to save each other more than to save themselves. Sam has an inexplicable moment of pause during the battle, where he sees through the fire Jaime fighting like crazy with something that looks suspiciously like a functioning right hand. Jaime and Brienne survive the battle and Tyrion coarsely helps Jaime find the moment to get closer with her. After an awkward as hell conversation on heat, fire and wood and things growing on them, they sleep together. Meanwhile, Tyrion and Davos wonder what’s become of the Lord of Light. Jaime is later seen having an inner fight. Jaime then asks from Sansa to not take part in the war (!!!) because he prefers to stay in the ugly North with Brienne. As he’s drinking with Tyrion, Bronn somehow barges in demanding a negotiation to not kill them. As Tyrion is the cleverer and most manipulative of the two, Bronn makes clear that Jaime is the best candidate for his next murder. He agrees to let them live if Daenerys wins. Bronn then literally vanishes. Soon after, Jaime is seen roaming around a little aimlessly and Brienne and Sansa inform him Cersei is winning. The same night, after he sleeps with Brienne one last time, we see Jaime stare into the fire and eventually making the decision to leave. When Brienne wakes up, he tells her he shouldn’t be there when everyone else fights. Brienne is the one who jumps immediately to the conclusion that he’ll die trying to save Cersei. Then Jaime strokes her hand and proceeds to recite all the bad things he has done for Cersei (one being a downright lie) and leaves her heartbroken by saying he’s a hateful man. Then we see Jaime suddenly a prisoner of Daenerys. It seems Jaime was walking freely through her camp without doing much to hide his identity. He’s captured and guarded according to the commands of someone we don’t know. Jaime finds numerous excuses to avoid what Tyrion asks him to do and seems to believe Cersei is going to win instead of Daenerys. Tyrion has trouble finding arguments to persuade him and Jaime says some things that don’t make sense based on his character. Tyrion begs him to swear he will do it and Jaime finally complies. They say goodbye. Jaime’s left alone in a way that shows he still doesn’t want to do it. Next thing we see Jaime’s dumbass methods to be allowed in the Red Keep, which of course all fail. He then tries to go through the beach where Euron meets him and forces him into a fight. Jaime does not carry Window’s Wail. He kills Euron and is mortally wounded, leaving Euron happy that he killed Jaime Lannister. Despite that, Jaime ‘kinda’ forgets he’s mortally wounded and walks up and down who knows how many hundreds of steps. He finds Cersei and he’s suddenly full of love and affection all over again. He leads her down to the dragon skulls where there’s no exit anymore. He tells her nothing else ever mattered but them and holds her in place as the Red Keep collapses on their heads. The end.

Make of this what you will. Is it a mix of beautiful and terrible writing? Is it only terrible writing? Is there something we’re missing? Is there going to be a fantastic plot twist that will blow our minds? What would make sense to you at this point, after everything that happens to him in S8?

#jaime lannister #got spoilers #got season 8 #braime #pro jaime #game of thrones

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wackygoofball · 6 years ago

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Wacky’s Brooding Box

Okay.

Here is the thing.

We are only a few hours away from the next episode. And I am barely containing my HYPE right now.

Okay.

That was a lie.

I never contain my HYPE.

But that’s not the point. The point is that I have some fanfic-y thoughts I want to share with you that are likely wishful thinking for what awaits us JB-wise in this and the final episode. I have many more headcanons of that sort, but those are the ones I am now putting in this little box here.

I will lock those headcanons inside the box and below the cut. These are all scenarios I would dig to see, and whatever doesn’t happen... I will try to make fanfiction, I suppose. If I somehow unbreak my fanfiction bones. If at least one of them turns out true... I will get a crystal ball.

1) Brienne somehow learns about Bronn having been tasked with assassinating Jaime and Tyrion. Perhaps Podrick knows from Tyrion that Bronn showed up again, but Tyrion instructed Pod not to tell anyone. But since when can Ser Son keep anything from Ser Mom for long, right? Tables turn when we see Bronn the next time, drinking himself silly at an inn close to Winterfell. Pod comes in and they have conversation - only for Brienne to come up from behind and honor Bronn with the same kind treatment he gave to Tyrion. If she breaks his nose for real, she gets extra cookies. Brienne quickly disarms him and makes it clear that she is not like Tyrion, not like Jaime, she is not here to negotiate or play castle-swap. It’s either that he does as she says or she will end him. Bronn is pissed but impressed, makes jokes about Jaime's cock being magical if someone goes that far to get it back or something to that effect. It turns out that Brienne has a new plan, which involves taking Bronn to King’s Landing with her as he has knowledge of the passageways underneath King’s Landing, as can be assumed after he led Jaime down there to meet up with Tyrion. I would just about die to have a roadtrip moment of Bronn having the giggles about JB finally having done it, though things would likely turn serious soon. I keep having that mental image of Brienne telling him that she pities him for being so alone in the world that he can’t seem to care for anyone or anything beside himself, how his life is devoid of meaning and how he will die alone no matter what castle he comes to own. Since I still have that headcanon that Bronn will choose to die an honorable death in the capacity of actually risking his life for his friends (Jaime and Tyrion are really the people he could care about even if he says and acts like he is the only one who matters to himself) or perhaps for Brienne now.

2) We zoom in on Winterfell. Brienne tries to distract herself from her anger and sadness by training excessively with Pod. She barely talks, grits her teeth a lot. Maybe Sansa watches from the balcony, looking a bit concerned or at the very least troubled. Then the IMPOSSIBLE happens. Pod lands a hit for the first time because Brienne is distracted. Podrick has a total WTF moment ("When did I become so strong? What power was I given by the Seven? What is happening??? Did I just kill her??? Ser Mommmm?"). He starts to fuss and apologizes to her as Brienne straightens back up. She tells him there is no need, then excuses herself and storms off.

3) possibly in connection to 2) if Jaime did indeed put a bun in that oven (I think he did), we see Brienne puking somewhere, or hear her, we can fill in the blanks on our own, thank you. Then either ENTER Gilly going like "oh, girl, I know the feeling, it'll pass once you are a bit further along with the pregnancy". Brienne stares at her as wide-eyed as ever , thinking "the lady is mad" or ENTER Dadvos showing concern for Brienne (I really kind of want them to have another scene because they have a twisted history together and ever since the whole honorable man and just woman, I have my headcanons, so many of them). Brienne tries to brush it off but soon realization dawns on her that, yup, there is a Braime Bun. 4) Sansa tells Brienne that Bran wants to talk to her. Brienne goes to see him and he drops some truthbombs. This ould be a number of things, scenarios my brain is currently favoring: a) Bran reveals he had another conversation with Jaime before he left wherein he told him that "you will have a child, but it isn't the Queen's" which made Jaime connect the dots that Brienne already was pregnant with his child whereas Cersei actually was not, doubling the angst for him to put her at risk; b) Bran tells her something along the lines of what he told Jon, that Brienne has to make a choice about where she wants to go moving forward as she has an important role to play in all this, which may or may not cement her crucial role to endgame; c) he reveals to her that he drove Aerys mad to bring Jaime to where he was to even things out between them, basically, how he had to set it all up for Jaime to be right where he is now, that he has to bring everyone to where they are needed and that Brienne now also has to decide where she wants to be, though whatever choice she makes “will come with great sacrifice;” d) he drops a massive hint towards the YMB(Q) being about Brienne in an even more overt way; e) some talk about East and West united, f) Bran repeating to her "Nothing's more hateful than failing to protect the one you love” to Brienne.

5) Brienne readies the horse for herself (similar to how we saw Jaime ready his before he left), we see her taking a moment to hold on tight to Oathkeeper or we zoom in on it, to affirm that she's holding on to her bond with Jaime through the twin swords; ENTER Pod asking her what she is doing. If he opens with "Ser" or "M'lady Ser" he gets extra points. Brienne tells him that she will be leaving for King’s Landing. If Pod got the clue that she may be with child (if that's the scenario we are rolling with), he may express concern about her going alone, arguing that he as her squire should come with her. Even if not with the bun going on, he may still insist on doing that because he is a good squire and she raised him well. Brienne then touches him in a very soft kind of way and tells him that she needs him to stay here, that she trusts him with her promise to Lady Catelyn now to protect Sansa from harm. "There's nothing I can teach you anymore, Podrick." Something like that. She then rides off to kick that lovely man with golden hand in the balls and make him come home.

6) Alternatively, I could see Sansa and Brienne having honest conversation about the status of her oaths and her staying at Winterfell. Brienne may express fear that Sansa would not understand why she'd want to go after Jaime, just that she does, showing that she is more adult than most others, arguing that Brienne doesn't have to stay to know her protected, hinting at the fact that Pod is more than capable as she trained him well.

7) Brienne actually doesn't head straight to KL but meets up with Selwyn or a commander of Tarth forces (maybe a kind of Goodwin character). Big reveal is that she wrote to her father to request help before she left Winterfell. I mean, they have soldiers right? I want to see more of those??? I bet they kick ass??? I would just love it if Brienne commanding Vale soldiers would now bring her one step closer to doing the same for her own people/troops. It would so neatly fit with her arc about finally taking up on her position as only living heir to her House. This could well be incorpated with Bronn being dragged along and Brienne basically not just planning a rescue mission for Jaime but also to protect his finest act by getting people out of the Red Keep and to safety by enabling evacuation protocols.

8) If there is such a thing as a father-daughter reunion between Selwyn and Brienne at some point (not necessarily before going to King’s Landing), I just want him to say how much she's changed upon first seeing her. Gah.

9) After Brienne is normally always the one to ask “what are you doing?” I kind of want Jaime to now say that to her upon seeing her wind up at King’s Landing.

10) I can still see a fakeout death scenario for either one of them. Since they were so heavy on misdirecting us with regards to Jaime’s fate, I start to think that maybe it’s really Brienne. She didn’t have a stand-alone near-death experience ever since the bearpit and the fight with the Hound. The rest was more regular battles that left us little second-guessing. At Winterfell against the living dead, eveyone could have been gone any minute, so that hardly shed the light on her (not that this episode shed much light *nudge* *nudge* Long Night *nudge*). Like, I was personally very fearful we would lose Pod that episode because they gave him the song and all those things, but she momentarily lost Jaime. Now the show’s dropped the idea of “you don’t have to die with your sister, Jaime” which is why I think that is precisely what is not happening. Otherwise it’s extremely... oddly... straight-forward. Plain. Point being, in the BatB trajectory, we are now at the point where Belle leaves for her home to be with her family, only to be held off by her evil sisters who are jealous of her. The Beast “dies” as a result of that neglect, but awakens/is reborn when Belle returns and professes her love for the Beast, and the curse is broken. In that part of the story, Jaime is Belle and Brienne is the Beast. So it may be that this is the time when we are led to believe that Brienne died, and Jaime will believe that she died, just that she didn’t. “Who wants to die defending a Lannister?” Big foreshadowing right there from all the way to their first encounters. So I can see her coming to King’s Landing and saving Jaime, only to nearly get killed herself, or leaving Jaime under the belief that she may be dead, only to then reveal that she is not. He still has to say the magic l-word, after all.

Anyway. Those are some broody thoughts for Wacky’s broody box. Thanks for your attention.

#got spoilers #jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #wacky rambles

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koganeirou · 6 years ago

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Ikemen Revolution - Fenrir’s Route

Aaaand here’s one for Fenrir’s route!

My main comments are: FUCK those avatar challenges. It took me five thousand years to finish this damn route because I was stuck grinding for Lin for five thousand years because according to cybird, I can’t get the good ending w ma man unless I look cute smh.

The night that Alice lands in Cradle, she pretty much goes out to the garden to sob her eyes out because of the stress of being killed (oh honey don’t worry this game doesn’t have any bad ends. If you were in a game like Amnesia then I’d start crying LMAO). Fenrir happens to see her and wipes her tears away (*๓´╰╯`๓). He decides to spend the month with Alice to make her have as much fun as possible, and makes her promise that so there will be no regrets, the two will not fall in love.

But we all know that’s not gonna happen.

I guess because the boys finally learned from Lancelot’s route to never send a nameless faceless nobody with Alice, Ray assigns Fenrir as her personal bodyguard.

Fenrir takes it upon himself to be Alice’s personal tour guide, so they go on a date around the Central Quarter eating all kinds of sweets like a bunch of dorks D’AWW. Of course the red army are full of party poopers who crashes their alone time.

@Red army boys, I LOVE YOU ALL BUT YOUR SOLDIERS NEEDA CHILL. Like my grievances from Lancelot’s route carry over in twofold because the nameless red soldiers are once again, STILL a bunch of blood thirsty hooligans who are clearly letting “may glory flow crimson through our veins” slogan get to their heads WAYY too much.

(☪̤̆_̆ ☪̤̆) THAT’S SO SPECIFIC LMAO.

But anyhoo I guess having a body guard with actual plot armor was really beneficial because Fenrir drives off all of the Red soldiers! And as it turns out, they were sent by Edgar (but of course why am I not surprised smh).

They return home and a few black army soldiers comes out shitting their pants because apparently there’s a ghost, and when Fenrir hears that HE shits his pants.

Luka has his priorities straight.

Fenrir pussyfoots outside the army headquarters for a few minutes because GHOST but then big bear Sirius comes out RURL pissed because everyone keeps making a ruckus.

WHY DO I FIND THIS SO FUCKING FUNNY. LIKE IT’S PICTURE PERFECT. I CAN IMAGINE HIM DOING THIS IN MY HEAD FRAME BY FRAME.

So the ghost was actually a magic cult goon creeping around like a lech looking for women's’ underwear, whom Seth covered for. I had zero interest in Seth before but I do find it interesting that more hints about Seth’s connection to the magic cult goons are being dropped, and if anything it makes me want to play his route now.

I’d love to be your friend!!! But unfortunately Fenrir is a giant stick in the mud and won’t let me! But never fear because your route is coming out soon so soon I’ll be more than just your friend LOL!

Fenrir gets news that some of their soldiers got cornered on the Red Bridge. Well what do you know, turns out the nameless red soldiers are still mad that they busted a nut in anticipation for nothing because they didn’t get to skewer any soldiers in Lancelot’s route, so now they’re taking out their pent up frustration here.

Luka hears the news as well and rushes to the red bridge just in time to see Jonah and the rest of the red soldiers man handling the black army soldiers (wtf Jonah I expected better of you). Luka goes from simmering with rage to boiling with rage and charges at the red soldiers. Obviously the red soldiers don’t care (or... they just can’t comprehend) that Luka is their superior’s freaking brother because all they can think about is reaping the reward for unnecessary stabbing and so they go into Ultimate Shish Kabobing Mode and decide to kill Luka.

Jesus christ... these fucking red soldiers. I am so sorry but I think the only people in this clown of an army that has any shred of honor or self control are the red army love interests LOL.

Anyway Fenrir drags Luka’s delirious bloody corpse back to the black army and the scene ain’t pretty. But it’s okay because we all know that this game doesn’t have the balls to actually kill anyone so it’s not like there’s any need to be worried.

See even Alice acknowledges it lol. This game’s too soft (not that that’s necessarily a bad thing... if I want angst I’ll just read fanfiction ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Apparently the one who actually made swiss cheese of Luka was Jonah. At first I was just SO CONFUSION?? JONAH WOULD NEVER DO THAT! until this bomb dropped and my only reaction was honestly just “...yikes”.

CRIES @ MY HEART

Jonah sneaks into Black Territory unarmed and Fenrir decides to arrange for him to see Luka like a the great wingbro he is. Alice’s left awkwardly keeping Jonah company but the ice quickly breaks and they end up spending the day talking about Luka ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡.

Fenrir successfully sneaks Jonah into Luka’s room but the two end up just having a screaming match and Luka boots Jonah out of his room. Understandable, considering how all the red soldiers are like little kids that you needa put those backpack straps on because who knows what the fuck they’ll do if left to their own devices.

me whenever I have any kind of guests over.

eat my ass @ Sirius

When it’s decided that the Black and Red army are gonna go to war for realsies, Alice requests to go onto the battle field with Fenrir so she can repel magic. Sirius freaks out going all like “ojou-chan, you mustn’t! It’s not a walk in the park!!” but Alice ain’t having any of that and essentially tells Sirius to eat her ass. Fenrir being the amazing bro he is sticks up for Alice and asks Ray if he can take her with him, swearing he’ll protect her. Ray’s like sigh fine. This scene was honestly my favourite because I loved how much confidence Fenrir had in Alice and how he respected her desire to help. Unlike a certain someone ੧| ‾́ェ ‾́ |੭ (totally not throwing shade at Sirius LMAO).

CRIES SOME MORE THAT’S SUCH A CUTE NICKNAME.

I could have asked the exact same thing of you Sirius.

The rest of the Black Army can clearly see sparks flying between Fenrir and Alice but unfortunately, Fenrir has to join Sirius in the emotional constipation of “what is this feeling in my chest?! Definitely not love!” Granted Fenrir has an excuse because of the promise he made her, but it’s still frustrating nonetheless.

oh my god can you shut up about this dumbass slogan for one minute.

Ngl despite the heart warming moment of resolve when Fenrir decides to take Alice into battle, it’s pretty damn hard to take the war seriously because it feels like a bunch of 14 year old teenagers doing a play-war considering of how almost comedic it is. Again, I’m not saying that this game needs to be an angst fest where everyone dies, but for a story about two armies on the brink of war, it does a pretty bad job at building any real tension or showing this war as a source of any real conflict with any real stakes or any real consequences.

I totally *do not* dislike that nickname 👀

We cut back to the red army who are all quite frazzled because they all had that “oh fuck” moment when they realized that they’re getting their asses whooped by the black army. Lancelot decides to stay his hand, whereas Jonah rages at Edgar’s incompetence but Edgar’s ultimately like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ King’s orders”.

Alice you’re doing amazing, sweetie.

Alice continues to fight with Fenrir on the front lines but she realizes that she really loves him and she doesn’t want to go home anymore! UNFORTUNATELY FOR HER, our lovely gentleman Fenrir “this feeling in my chest is totally love but I WON’T ADMIT IT!” Godspeed repeatedly dodges her attempts at confessing (¬_¬). GOOD SIR I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. You’re just trying to put off having a heart to heart about your feelings until the full moon so you can boot Alice back to her world without ever having to talk about it (ლಠ益ಠ)ლ.

Alice tries once again for the nth time to confess her feelings to Fenrir but this time they’re interrupted by the magic cult goons who are hell bent on capturing Alice. This plays out exactly as you’d predict and the two get cornered at a cliff LOL. Alice gets blown off the cliff and Fenrir jumps after her to save her.

This, my friends, is what we call: plot armor.

They miraculously (and conveniently) survive their fall and end up in the castle ruins in the forbidden forest. I guess being lost in an abandoned forest with a totally not haunted castle next to them sets the mood for sexy time because they end up making out like their life depends on it. Conveniently, without actually saying they love each other ლ(ಠ_ಠლ).

GUYS... THE DRIVER IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.... GUYS....

They make it back to Black Territory in one piece with the help of Loki and Harr and Ray loses his shit because he thought they died T T T. Fenrir is sent back to the front lines and Alice is totally ready to go back and kick some ass but I guess all the fire and confidence in this power couple completely deflated because Fenrir becomes Sirius 2.0 and refuses to take Alice SMH.

Alice finds Fenrir boarding a carriage to leave, and she stops him and tries to tell him that she loves him. Fenrir responds by pulling Alice into the carriage with him and at this point I was HYPED because “is he actually gonna take her with him?!?!” but my hopes are quickly dashed when he shoves her into the carriage, initiates round 2 of INTENSE MAKE OUT SESSION LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT..... then throws Alice’s sad ass back out of the carriage and leaves her behind once he’s finished (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻.

UGH! FENRIR! JUST--- AGHHHHHHH.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. Like yea sex is great, but have you ever heard of proper verbal communication??

(I also find it funny how the driver was just sitting there the entire time they were making out doing a big boi sweat).

me with group assignments in school.

Fenrir comes back on the night of the full moon and Alice for the 100TH DAMN TIME IN THIS ROUTE, tries to tell him that she doesn’t want to go home, but Fenrir, again, dashes her hopes and tells her she has to go back he won’t be able to protect her all the time. Which we all know is bullshit, but nevertheless Alice decides to listen to him.

Ha ha ha you are so full of shit.

And so Alice once again goes to the gates of hell garden portal which I officially dub as “The Hole Where Bad Things Happen” or more accurately, “The Hole That No Player Ever Wants To See”.

Anyhoo Alice leaps back home and spends about a month moping in London until one day a black army soldier comes to London and begs Alice to go back with him because Fenrir’s in danger! Alice, having literally zero self preservation because I guess her time on the battle field taught her jack shit, blindly follows this fellow back to Cradle and the moment she arrives, the guy reveals himself to be a magic cult goon and so she’s kidnapped and taken to Amon’s sex dungeon.

Look. I’m not gonna accuse Alice of “dumb mc syndrome” and I don’t necessarily blame her for falling for it but at the same time, COME ON. THIS IS THE DUMBEST PLOT POINT EVER. Of all the possible reasons she comes back to Cradle, THIS IS THE ONLY THING THEY COULD THINK OF? What makes it so aggravating is that it’s stated multiple times that any person from Reason can repel magic, so if that’s the case, the cult goons could have just kidnapped any random off the street instead of wasting time and energy looking for Alice. And if they could conveniently stroll into the land of Reason, why didn’t they do that ages ago?!

You know that writing rule “make your villains smarter, not your protagonists dumber”, or something like that? Well in this case, everyone is dumb!

Anyway during the month Alice was gone, Lancelot finally decides to stop going radio silent and consults the Black Army about Amon and his weed stash. This felt really convenient and almost inconsistent with Lancelot’s character because in the other routes he was hell bent on not talking unless 100% cornered, but in Fenrir’s route he spills the beans like it’s no big deal.

Fenrir hears the news of Alice being kidnapped by Amon and the Black army pretty much storms into the Magic Tower and fishes Alice out. Amon finally reveals himself but honestly he doesn’t put up much of a fight because Fenrir shoots him with one of those hiccuping guns and that’s enough to deflate all of Amon’s fighting spirit lmao so he gets arrested in the end. Talk about anti climatic as hell. This entire thing just felt really stupid because if all they had to do with storm the damn tower, they should have done so ages ago.

Admittedly I do like the resolution to this whole fiasco. Fenrir is totally ready to get down and dirty, but before that Fenrir and Alice actually, finally, and at long last, properly talk about their feelings and sort out their relationship mess.

Dramatic End:

Alice officially joins the Black Army, and they hold her enrollment ceremony. Hosting it is usually Ray’s job since he’s king but since Alice is his best friend’s babe, he decides to let Fenrir take over. Unfortunately, Fenrir can’t keep his excitement in check and ends up picking Alice up and spinning her around in joy ╭(๑ ॔ㅂ ਂ ॓)و ̑̑. THIS WAS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS ENDING.

-----

Honestly I have a lot of mixed feelings about this route. There’s the good, the bad, and the ugly, but since I don’t wanna end this post on a salty note so I’ll just start with the ugly and work my way up.

The Ugly: The route starts losing momentum their promise of not falling in love morphs into the source for Fenrir’s self cockblock fest for the rest of the route and him repeatedly rebuffing Alice’s attempts to tell him she wants to stay in Cradle became unbearable frustrating. Playing Sakuya’s route in Norn9 alongside Fenrir’s route did not help at all because his route also had a “promise of not falling in love” premise and had the exact same problems as Fenrir’s route so honestly my frustration was just doubled at this point.

The Bad: The plot is balls off the rail in the second half if it isn’t obvious enough from my complaints earlier. The Hole That No Player Ever Wants to See making a reappearance in Fenrir’s route kills a lot of the build up between Alice and Fenrir and there was honestly no point of having Alice go back to London. The circumstances that lead her to returning were so stupid it had me head banging against the wall.

The Good: I think Fenrir and Alice have a very strong “friends to lovers” romance going on and it was honestly really sweet and wholesome. I loved how their friendship and subsequent romance builds them both up and makes them better people-- they’re both stronger together, they’re equals, they’re partners. You really get a sense of camaraderie between the two and their relationship is founded on mutual respect, understanding, trust, and confidence in each other which I’m 100% on board with. Fenrir taking Alice onto the battle field with him is a testament of the rock solid trust between them. They have a very strong partner in crime vibe that I love!

I adore how Fenrir refers to Alice as his “best friend” or his “best buddy” and it was just so cute, it made my heart swell because I’m a firm believer that your s/o SHOULD be your best friend.

Overall imo, Fenrir’s route is about on par with Lancelot’s, though it has higher highs and lower lows than Lancelot’s route did.

Anyway, I’m making my way through Edgar’s route currently (♥ω♥*).

#ikemen revolution #fenrir godspeed #ellie plays ikerev terribly

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per-ineptia-ad-astra · 6 years ago

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Star Trek Episode 1.12: The Menagerie, Part 2

AKA: Talosian Boogaloo

Our episode begins with a recap of what happened last episode: Spock gone rogue, the Enterprise heading to Talos 4, mysterious transmissions, etc, etc. After the titles, we’re back in the hearing room, where they’ve re-convened Spock’s trial, although they’ve now pared down the participants to just Kirk, Mendez, Pike and Spock. Everyone else who was there for the first part is just going to be left on a cliffhanger. Mendez reiterates that viewing transmissions from Talos 4 is strictly against Starfleet policy, but Spock tells him that the screen is now being remotely controlled and the transmissions are just going to keep coming anyway, so they have no choice but to view them. Although they could try leaving the room so they don’t have to look at the screen. Just a thought.

After Spock gives them a Previously On My Court Martial, the screen comes on again, and we see Pike waking up on a bed in some kind of strange cell. The walls are made of stone bricks but it appears to have been built into a cave, and beyond the transparent front wall of the cell a long rocky corridor stretches forth. Pike wastes very little time in attempting to bash the wall in shoulder-first, but it absorbs the impact with only a slight wobble.

Before he can make any further effort, a door slides open nearby and a quartet of Brainheads—the Talosians, presumably--appear and approach Pike’s cell. Pike starts talking to them, introducing himself as Christopher Pike, commander of the space vehicle Enterprise. Yes, that’s what he said, space vehicle. Well it’s not technically wrong, I guess.

Pike tells them his crew has come in peace, and demands to know if they can understand him. Instead of replying to him, one Talosian starts talking--telepathically--to another as if Pike can’t even hear them, which is the most annoying thing, I hate it when people do that. Specifically, he (...she? they? zie? I have no idea) remarks that “the specimen’s intelligence appears to be shockingly limited.” Wow. Rude. The Talosian leader, referred to as Magistrate, responds that this isn’t surprising since it was so easy to bait the ship here in the first place, and that they can read in Pike’s thoughts that he’s only just now starting to figure out that the encampment was an illusion. They continue to stand around making smug comments about how primitive Pike is while he tries to talk to them. But despite how primitive they find him, he seems to be more adaptable than their other specimens, so they’re ready to start “the experiment.”

Back on the Enterprise, a small group of officers, including Spock, Boyce, Number One, and a red-haired chap who was with the landing party, have convened to discuss just what they’re going to do about the captainnapping. Currently Spock is giving a presentation, in which he hypothesizes that the inhabitants of the planet live underground and manufacture all their living needs down there, because the surface of the planet doesn’t have enough vegetation or animal life to support any kind of civilization. So, as they too have now worked out, the survivors were an illusion all along. A perfect illusion, Boyce bemoans, down to every detail. Well, I don’t know about that, Boyce. I mean one of them was wearing makeup. That really should have been a tip-off.

But the danger is clear to them now. The Talosians can create illusions out of people’s own thoughts, ones that seem completely real to them in every way. That’s going to make it pretty difficult to go up against them. Spock warns that if they attract the Talosians’ attention they might find that their psychic powers are strong enough to easily kill them all. But, as Redhair points out, they can’t just leave Pike down there for the Talosians to have their way with him. Since their hand phasers didn’t bring down the door, he suggests they use the ship’s own power against it, which he says is powerful enough to “blast half a continent.” One would hope he’s exaggerating because if the ship can do that they might bring down the door, alright, but they’d probably be killing Pike and everyone else down there along with it. There’s a reason the usual response to a hostage situation is not to nuke the entire building.

Number One agrees to this plan, though, so the group disperses to go set to work. Back down in the caves, one of the Talosians is reporting to the Magistrate that they’re all hard at work probing Pike’s mind—just his mind, thankfully—and they’ve found excellent memory capacity. The Magistrate notes that Pike has a recent memory of having to fight to save his own life, which they’re going to use now, but give him “something more interesting to protect.” In his cell, Pike is examining the walls for weakness when his surroundings suddenly shift, and he finds himself on a planet surface, looking up at a pink and purple sky with a giant moon hanging on the horizon. Dominating this vista is a large castle beside a waterfront. As Pike stands there going wtf, a woman runs up to him, saying that they must hurry and hide themselves. Pike protests that he was in a cell just a minute ago and now he’s back on Rigel 7 and what’s that about? He reckons that means this is all another illusion pulled out of his memories. This is all happening as it happened back on the real Rigel 7, down to the unseen growling thing that seems to be approaching—except for the woman. She’s new.

As Pike and the mystery woman run towards the castle for cover, we pull back to the present, where Spock comments that this was “a brilliant deduction by Captain Pike.” Well, I don’t know if I would go that far. Once you’ve learned that the telepathic aliens who’ve captured you can create perfect illusions, and you find yourself suddenly in an impossible reconstruction of your own memory, it’s not a big leap to figure out that the telepathic aliens probably did it. Spock goes on to explain, just in case anyone hasn’t realized it yet, that the Talosians could indeed create any illusory world they wanted for Pike, and that even knowing they were illusions would not make him experience them any less vividly.

On the screen, Pike has figured out that the mystery woman is in fact Vina, just with longer hair and a new dress. He finds this quite odd, but doesn’t get the chance to interrogate her at length because the growling thing has found them. It turns out to actually just be a dude in standard barbarian getup, with a shield and a spiky handaxe. Who is growling.

Vina urges Pike to attack the miniboss over there while he can still swing a surprise round. Pike protests that this isn’t real, but Vina says he has to kill the guy just like he did before. This might all be an illusion but Pike is still gonna feel it just the same if he gets an axe through his chest.

After stomping around a bit, Mr. Snarly finally catches sight of Pike, so any possibility of Pike getting a sneak attack is now gone. Instead he shoves Vina out of the line of fire—the line of axe, if you will—and picks up a nearby mace and shield that’s just laying around. The two have at it, swinging weapons around like two people not used to swinging weapons around.

[Image description: A set of stone stairs between an archway leading up to a balcony. A man in heavy furs and a helmet, carrying a shield, is advancing on Pike, who is crouched on the stairs holding him off with a spear. Behind Pike a woman in a white dress with long blonde hair is cowering.]

A Pike holding a pike.

Eventually Mr. Snarly chases Pike and Vina up onto a nearby balcony. Pike gets pushed off, leaving Vina in the clutches of Mr. Snarly. In desperation, Pike picks up a nearby dagger and throws it at Mr. Snarly, somehow scoring a perfect hit and impaling the guy in the lower back despite all the thick fur in the way. That’s quite implausible impressive, though it doesn’t kill Mr. Snarly. It does attract his attention, though, as a dagger in your back is prone to do, and he proceeds to jump off the balcony to get at Pike—and lands right on top of a big vicious barbed thing that Pike holds up just in time. And that’s the end of Mr. Snarly. 500 XP for Pike!

The scene then dissolves and suddenly they’re back in the cell—both Pike and Vina, though now she has short hair and a shimmery silver dress. She promptly throws herself onto Pike, but then draws back as she realizes they’re being watched by the Talosians, who turn and exit back into the elevator without a word. Creeps.

Back in the present, the hearing room screen suddenly goes blank all by itself, to the surprise of Kirk and Mendez. Spock says this is because the Talosians know that Pike is getting worn out, and sure enough, the guy is asleep with his head slumped forward, thus far the only movement the actor has gotten to perform. The Talosians, Spock says, have a vested interest in Pike getting back alive. He suggests they take a break so everyone can catch a nap. Mendez and Spock have yet another brief bout of verbal arm-wrestling, which predictably goes nowhere. So they take a recess and come back after the break.

As everyone heads back into the room, Kirk’s voiceover informs us that they’re now only an hour out from Talos 4. Luckily for them Captain Pike’s gripping adventures fit remarkably well into a television episode format, so they should have plenty of time to finish watching before they get there.

On the screen, Pike is questioning Vina, asking what her whole deal is. She says she’s there to please him (gross), and when asked if she’s real she says she’s “real as you wish.” Pike calls that one out as the vague non-answer that it is, but Vina’s not any more forthcoming. He guesses that she’s there to get a reaction out of him for the sake of whatever this whole experiment is. While Pike muses out-loud on this, Vina tells him that he can live out any dream or fantasy he wants, and that she can be any woman he’s ever wanted. Vina. Vina, you’re creeping me out here. Please stop.

Mercifully for all of us, Pike is currently less interested in living out sex fantasies and more interested in not being caged up and experimented on by a bunch of psychic jerks, so he tells Vina that the best way for her to please him is to give him some information about how he can fight back against the Talosians. She won’t, though, only saying that he’s a fool, so Pike goes “well you’re not real anyway, nyah” and stalks off. But only about two feet away, there’s not much room to stalk in there.

Up on the planet surface, the Enterprise crew have brought up a seriously big laser and aimed it at the door. They start the countdown and then all run off and hide behind some rocks to watch the show. It’s an impressive show, including a lot of eye-watering flashing lights, but no matter how high they crank up the power, the door won’t budge. Eventually they have to shut it off, leaving them with no sign that anything happened at all, despite all reasonable expectations. But as Boyce points out, they can’t actually be sure of that—the Talosians’ psychic powers are so OP, they could have actually blasted that whole hill to kingdom come and they just can’t tell. Well, that was a productive use of time.

Back in the cell, Vina, evidently tired of being ignored, finally says that maybe she could answer some questions for Pike. But only if he’ll pick a fantasy for them to live out together. Pike is only willing to go as far as “perhaps” but that’s good enough for her. So he asks just how much the Talosians can control people. Vina says they can’t actually force him to do anything, only trick him using the illusions, and punish him if he doesn’t cooperate. They’re not completely all-powerful, then—good to know. As any good gamer knows, if it’s got a weakness, you can find a way to kill it.

When asked, Vina gives some backstory on the Talosians. Evidently they used to live up on the surface many millennia ago, but there was a great war that wrecked the planet so badly it’s only just starting to become able to support life again. The Talosians that managed to escape underground found that living in caves forever is really boring, so they worked on developing their psychic powers to compensate. As Vina explains, though, this was their downfall (well, their second downfall). Once their powers got so great that they could start living out any fantasy they wanted, they stopped doing anything else. Stopped building, expanding, creating, or maintaining their own society. Just sat around all day, dreaming up fake lives. Kind of like having the internet, but even worse.

Having specimens like Pike around is really great for the Talosians, Vina explains, because when they create illusions for him to live out they get to live vicariously through him, feeling his emotions and seeing new experiences. That’s why they’ve got a whole zoo down here, brought back from all over the galaxy. She doesn’t explain how they were brought back. The Talosians seem either unable or unwilling to leave the planet, so did they just have to lure all of their specimens to them? That would indicate that all of those specimens are actually from species advanced enough to have space travel, yet the presence of any other sapient species in the zoo is never mentioned. This would seem to lead to one of two conclusions: either there are other sapient species in the zoo and Pike and Vina just don’t care enough to give them any thought, or the Talosians got really lucky and managed to lure Space Noah’s Ark over to them.

If the Talosians have been keeping all these specimens around for years, Pike works out, they must have been doing what zoos usually do with their animals—breeding them. That indicates they intend to breed them some humans, too. They’ve now got a male specimen, so where are they going to find the female one? Vina protests that Pike made a deal with her about this question-asking business, but Pike says he doesn’t have to hold up a deal with a person who doesn’t exist anyway. Vina tells him that actually she is real, as real and human as him. They’re like Adam and Eve, she says. Oh boy.

Before she can elaborate on that, though, Vina starts writhing around and screaming in pain, begging not to be punished. Then she vanishes, leaving nothing but an empty dress behind. Pike turns to see the Magistrate, who’s been watching them for a while now, and who promptly skedaddles back into the elevator. But like, in a smug way.

Back in the hearing room, Mendez asks Pike if this means he was captured as breeding stock, just in case anyone in the audience doesn’t know who Adam and Eve are. Kirk questions why, was it just to maintain their zoo? Spock says there was much more going on. Then we go back to the footage. Thanks guys, really needed that little break there, very vital for the ongoing plot.

Pike has gone back to leaning on the walls in the hopes of finding a weak spot, when he sees that a glass of blue liquid has come through a panel. He tries to break through the panel, but he’s far too late and it’s now shut securely again. Nothing left to do but check out that glass. The Magistrate, who’s come back again, tells Pike that the liquid is a nourishing protein complex, good for when you’re working out a lot. And they actually say this with their mouth, the first time any of the Talosians have deigned to communicate verbally.

The Magistrate says that if Pike doesn’t find the protein complex appetizing, it can appear to be any kind of food he wants. What if, Pike asks, what he wants is to go on a hunger strike instead? The Magistrate replies that if Pike doesn’t cooperate he can be punished. Seconds later, Pike is writhing about in a landscape of flame and boiling mud, screaming dramatically. Then, just as quickly, he’s back in the cell. The Magistrate says they drew this experience from a fable Pike heard in childhood. I presume they’re talking about Hell, but really it could be a lot of things. Muspelheim, for example.

So if Pike doesn’t do what he’s told he’ll be put in time-out in Hell, which is pretty bad. But he wonders, why not just make him feel irresistibly hungry? The Magistrate doesn’t answer, but Pike works it out himself: that’s not within their power. They can construct imaginary environments that provide certain kinds of stimulus, but it seems that directly forcing people to feel specific sensations is a no-go. But the Magistrate warns that if Pike doesn’t drink his supper they can draw even worse punishments from his mind, so reluctantly he downs the contents of the glass. Then he gets up and abruptly makes a charge for the front of the cell, causing the Magistrate to briefly step back in alarm.

What follows is two completely separate conversations happening at once. Pike is focused on the Magistrate’s reaction. In that moment, he says, he was only thinking about how much he wanted to hurt the Magistrate, which makes him wonder if the Talosians can’t read through ‘primitive thoughts.’ Meanwhile the Magistrate, stubbornly ignoring everything Pike is saying, tells him that a human ship really did crash on the planet, but in reality there was only one survivor, badly injured. They fixed her up, found her ‘interesting,’ and decided they would need to attract a mate.

Pike finally caves to the subject and notes that the Talosians seem to be trying to make Pike feel protective and caring towards Vina. The Magistrate says this is necessary for propagation of the species. So apparently, despite how advanced the Talosians would like us to think they are, the only way they can get a baby out of a couple of humans is to get them to physically have sex with each other. I mean, we don’t even have to do that anymore. On that note, the Talosians got really lucky that both of their ‘specimens’ turned out to be cis and straight, and evidently still in full possession of all baby-making capabilities. Imagine how gloriously Pike could derail this whole stupid thing just by saying, “Sorry guys, got something to tell you...” My enjoyment of this episode would skyrocket.

The Magistrate says they only want Pike to fall in love with Vina because they want their specimens to be happy. Pike immediately dismisses that as a lie, which seems fair, since so far the Talosians’ attempts to make Pike ‘happy’ have involved sticking him in a ten by ten room with a single hard bench, constantly threatening to punish him horribly if he steps out of line, occasionally providing him with a single mouthful of liquid for sustenance, and standing right outside loudly insulting him for kicks. You guys would never get AZA accredited at this rate.

So Pike naturally enough assumes they have ulterior motives. He thinks that maybe they’re trying to get him to genuinely bond with Vina so they can establish a family group, maybe leading up to a whole community. Hopefully they’re planning to get some more specimens in the mix there or that human community is gonna face some serious problems. On his way out, the Magistrate says that Vina has been properly ‘conditioned,’ which enrages Pike, who says that if they’re going to punish anyone they should punish him because he’s the one not cooperating. The Magistrate smugly notes that Pike is feeling protectiveness and, now, sympathy, which is just what they want. Then they swan off again.

I don’t know if I would consider getting a human to feel sympathy and protectiveness to be much of an accomplishment though, to be honest. I mean, humans can feel sympathy and protectiveness towards animals, plants, inanimate objects, fictional characters, Animal Crossing villagers...it doesn’t take a masterwork of manipulation, is what I’m saying.

Pike stands there glaring after the Magistrate, but a moment later the cell fades out and he suddenly finds himself in a soundstage with some trees on it—sorry, I meant, some beautiful and verdant parkland, of course. Nearby is Vina with a blanket and picnic basket, and also, a couple horses. Pike recognizes the horses as his, the ones he was telling Boyce about back in Part I, and takes a minute to happily pet one and feed him some sugar cubes. Pike’s held out in the face of being offered any kind of wild fantasy he wishes, refusing to buy into any illusion he’s been given, but getting to see his beloved pets, now, that’ll make him immediately give in a little. Which I consider to be easily the most realistic moment in this entire story. If you wanted me to buy into an illusory world, putting my cat in it would probably be your best bet.

This all seems to be a scene from home for Pike, home in the most ideal possible sense, and Vina tells him he can stay there. Pike protests that neither of them are really there, that they’re being held in a cage, a menagerie—two for one title drop there, woo! But Vina reacts very badly to any mention that this is all an illusion. Pike keeps trying to get information out of her while she sits there begging for him to just go along with it.

Eventually Vina says that it’s true the Talosians can’t read through primitive emotions like hate. I’m not sure why hate is a more primitive emotion than anything else. I could understand how any strong enough emotion could overwhelm sensitive telepathy, but no, it’s just hate, I guess. Personally I think hate is kind of an advanced emotion. I mean, do you think animals feel hate? I don’t think so. I think it’s something we invented.

Problem is, Vina says, it’s impossible to keep that hate going for long enough to really do anything. “I’ve tried,” she says. “They keep at you and at you, year after year, tricking and punishing. And they’ve won. They own me.”

Keep in mind that if Vina was really a survivor of that crash, that means she’s been here for eighteen years. Eighteen years alone with no contact except for figments of her imagination and some aliens that view her as nothing more than a primitive animal. Eighteen years of being held captive by beings that can make someone live through the most nightmarish scenarios they could possibly imagine as punishment for any transgression. Eighteen years of constant psychological manipulation and torture. Pike’s frustration with her unwillingness to help is understandable but it’s hardly any wonder that Vina just wants him to cooperate so that the hell she lives in, that she’s given up any chance of ever getting out of, could now at least become a little more bearable. We only get a glimpse of what that hell must have been like for her, but that glimpse is absolutely horrific.

Pike comforts her, because you’d have to be pretty damn hard-hearted to not react to that little speech, but Vina says he doesn’t fully realize what’s going on. She says that the Talosians picked Pike specifically because they read her mind to know what her idea of the perfect man would be. In other words, he was hand-picked to be someone she couldn’t help but fall in love with. Really, they searched her mind for the ideal man and came up with this dude? Vina. Vina, honey, I don’t mean to judge, but you could do so much better.

While the Talosians watch from their cave monitor, because they’re skeevy bastards, Pike says that he’s been attracted to Vina as well from the moment he first saw her in the camp. When you thought she was eighteen, ya creep. He says she was like “a wild little animal.” Pike...Pike, I don’t know where you learned to compliment women but you clearly need to go back and take the course again.

Vina says that she thinks she knows now why Pike hasn’t been brought in by any of the illusions; they’re all things that he’s experienced and is familiar with. A person’s wildest dreams, she says, are about things that they can’t have. Pike being a starship captain means he always has to be formal and honorable, so he must be yearning to cut loose. Wow, thanks for giving the Talosians free tips on how to psychologically manipulate humans, Vina.

Sure enough, the Talosians promptly change the idyllic scene, and Pike finds himself dressed in ornate clothing and sitting by a poolside while Vina—now appearing as an Orion woman with green skin and dark hair—dances with the accompaniment of a few guys playing music that I can only describe as ‘stereotypically exotic’. And that really is the same actress, Susan Oliver, who had a long career as an actor, director, and aviator, but mostly now gets remembered for a few minutes of dancing around with green paint on.

(A fun fact about this scene is that they had to experiment a lot to get the green makeup right, but when the film first came back from editing, the green was barely visible. So they tried another makeup, but that didn’t show up any better. This went on for a while before they found out that the guy in the film lab had been assuming that the green color was a mistake that they would want corrected, and had been hard at work undoing the makeup artist’s hard work. That’s the only fun thing I can come up with about this scene, though.)

Apparently Pike’s wildest fantasies also include a bowl of fruit and a couple of incredibly sleazy guys sitting next to him just to round things out. Luckily for him, all this is being observed not just by a bunch of smug jerk aliens, but also by the court martial attendees watching it on the screen in the present, while he sits there unable to leave or say anything or even turn around. And yes, the scene cuts back to the present, just in case anyone might have forgotten about that. Kirk even asks Pike to confirm that that is Vina as the Orion slave girl, for no reason I can think of except to just embarrass him. Mendez muses that “[Orion women] are like animals—vicious, seductive. They say no human male can resist them.”

Excuse me, I need to just step away from my computer for a moment.

[distant sounds of a head banging against a wall]

Okay, I’m back. Where were we? Oh, right. This.

The sexy dancing goes on for longer than is frankly necessary—although really, any amount of time at all would be longer than is necessary—while Pike sits there vibrating in place before he can’t stand it anymore and flees through a nearby door. Beyond is a series of, guess what, more caves. As Pike looks around for an exit he finds that the way back is now gone, nothing more than a solid stone wall. And then Vina, still in green, appears behind him, holding a torch.

What happens next is left to the imagination—probably for the best there—as we then finally return to the Enterprise, where a landing party is assembling. Number One and Spock give the rest a grim briefing: they’re hoping to beam down to the inside of the Talosians’ base, but there’s always the possibility that the Talosians could manipulate what the transporter officer sees and cause people to be beamed inside solid rock. Gee, the transporter sure is fun. Number One says that, given that lovely possibility, anyone is free to back out now without judgment, but no one does. No one ever does when someone gives that ultimatum, come to think of it.

So they all get on the transporter and prepare to head off, but when the switch is hit, only two of the six people actually go anywhere: Number One and a red-haired female crewman who’s been around but hasn’t been named yet. Or, as Spock hilariously declares rather loudly, “THE WOMEN!”

The transporter operators fumble desperately with the controls, but to no avail: the women are, indeed, gone. Specifically, they’ve gone to Pike’s cell. The inside of his cell, unfortunately. Pike is evidently still inside the illusion doing I-don’t-want-to-know-what with Vina because he’s just standing there staring into space while Vina has her hands on his shoulders. Upon seeing the new arrivals she screams, “No! Let me finish!” and storms away.

While Vina sulks and the other two women realize that no one else got transported with them, Pike re-enters reality, and promptly tears open the redhead’s landing jacket. No worries, though: what he’s after is the phaser she’s carrying. He takes Number One’s, too, but to his frustration neither phaser seems to be working. Neither is Number One’s communicator.

So Pike adopts a new strategy. He stands over by the panel where the food-drink came out, drops the phasers in front of it, and begins loudly talking about how he’s imagining beating up the Talosians, filling his mind with that most primitive of emotions, hate. Meanwhile, Vina moves on to picking on the other women, sneering about how the redhead is “a fine choice for intelligent offspring” and that “they’d have more luck crossing him with a computer” than Number One, who somehow has already figured out that the Talosians are trying to breed humans from Pike. Number One fires back that Vina was an adult crewman on the crashed ship eighteen years ago, meaning she should not be looking quite so young and sprightly anymore. Yeah, you really get a sense that Number One is logical, emotionless and detached, by how her response to one half-baked insult is to immediately go, “Oh yeah, well you’re OLD.”

The whole argument is derailed when the Magistrate comes back to tell Pike that since he’s been resisting Vina, they’ve brought him two more women to choose from. Great. Lovely. Look, I, uh...I don’t really want to examine the practicality of breeding humans too much, y’know, but...I don’t understand why the Talosians are so focused on Pike and only Pike here. When they only had one human on hand, and wanted a lot more humans, trying to get more humans out of that first human makes...sense, I guess. But now there’s a whole ship up there of some four hundred humans (and one half-human), and they’re completely ignoring all of them except Pike and two women that they only brought down to entice Pike some more. Sure, they’ve decided Pike is the ‘prime specimen’ or whatever, but he’s only one guy. If you want to build a whole community, you’re going to need a lot more genetic diversity—not to mention the additional skillsets offered by the rest of the Enterprise crew, that the Talosians themselves clearly don’t have, and the fact that having so many more extra specimens means your whole plan isn’t ruined if one of them dies or is infertile or refuses to get with the program. This plot is obviously incredibly ethically wrong, but it’s also just incredibly stupid on a practical level.

The Magistrate proceeds to inform Pike that both women have qualities in their favor: Number One is really smart, and the redhead is young and strong. Also apparently she’s been crushing on Pike for some time but considered him unreachable and is now realizing that that’s changed. Sure, because any woman’s first thought upon suddenly being imprisoned to use as breeding stock would be “oh cool, I get to screw the captain now.” That’s ever so realistic.

Pike is still yelling at the Magistrate about all his hateful thoughts, but the Magistrate puts a stop to it by giving him some kind of mental punishment, presumably another trip to hell. They smugly tell the assembled captives that wrong thinking will be punished and right thinking will be rewarded. Then they flounce away.

Sometime later, everyone’s sitting around looking glum—or taking a nap, in Vina’s case—when Pike sees the panel in the wall start to slide open. The Magistrate is making a grab for the phasers Pike dropped there earlier. But this time Pike is ready. He pounces on the guy, hauling them out into the cell, pinning them to the floor, and grabbing them by the throat. The Magistrate responds by making themself appear to be some kind of big hairy thing with tusks, but Pike is undeterred and hangs on, threatening the Magistrate into dropping the illusion. So then the Magistrate says that if Pike doesn’t release them they’ll destroy the Enterprise. Vina says they can do it, by tricking the crew into working the wrong controls, but Pike thinks they won’t.

He tries the phasers again, but they still don’t seem to be working. So he turns the phaser on the Magistrate. He’s guessing that the phaser did work and the Magistrate just illusion’d over it, but they’re probably not going to be able to do the same thing if Pike shoots them in the head. The Magistrate gives in and, sure enough, a big hole suddenly appears in the front wall of the cell. Well, fancy that.

Everyone makes their way out of the hole, Pike hauling along the Magistrate with a phaser still pointed at their head. Back in the present, the screen goes off on its own. Spock, for the first time during all this, seems unsure and worried, especially when Mendez comments that “it seems the Talosians have deserted you.” He asks them to just wait a moment, but the screen still remains white. I feel for him. It sucks when you’re trying to give a presentation but the projector’s just not cooperating.

Mendez asks Pike for his verdict, but Spock begs his former captain to signal for a wait instead, telling him it’s a chance for his life on the line. Kirk questions what Spock means, exactly, by all this ‘chance for life’ business, since all that we’ve seen indicates that ‘life’ with the Talosians means being kept caged and treated like a zoo animal performing for amusement. You know, Kirk, that’s a mighty good point. We’ll get back to that later.

Spock insists there’s more to it and tells him to watch, but there’s nothing to watch. It sure is a pity Spock has completely lost his ability to explain anything himself and can only rely on the screen to do it for him. Tragic.

With no more footage forthcoming, Mendez pushes again for a verdict, and Pike votes with a single long beep: guilty. Mendez himself votes guilty as well. Attention turns to Kirk, although with two guilty votes it doesn’t much matter what he says now. Still, there’s quite the dramatic chord when he votes guilty as well. Although it’d be pretty hard to not vote that Spock was guilty right now. I mean, he put in a guilty plea. They know he did indeed take the ship to Talos 4 because they’re on the ship and it’s going there right now. Spock may (or may not, it’s debatable) have good reasons for doing what he’s doing, but it’d be kind of ludicrous to call him innocent of the charges.

After the break, the bridge calls in to say that they’re entering orbit around Talos 4. Spock says that the Talosians are controlling the ship like they did thirteen years ago. Uh. The Talosians didn’t control the ship thirteen years ago, though, did they? They tricked the people who did control the ship into going there, but there was never an indication that they could actually control the ship directly. You might say they were just controlling it via illusions again, except they can’t do that because no one is actually flying the ship right now. It’s still computer controlled. So what’s going on here, Spock?

Spock’s not forthcoming about this but he says they’ll see the answer as to why right now. And sure enough, the screen comes back on. Man, all that drama about whether the record would keep playing, and voting Spock guilty or not, that sure led up to something, didn’t it. Here they are, all still in the room. Watching the screen. Why did it go off in the first place? Nobody knows.

On the screen, Pike and co take the elevator back up to the surface, where it turns out that the giant laser cannon actually did blow the door clean off, and took out a bunch of the surrounding rock, too—the Talosians just put an illusion over it.

Pike orders Number One to contact the ship, but it seems she can’t. The Magistrate gloats that their escape attempt was futile and actually they wanted the prisoners to get up to the surface. Oh, fuck off. If they wanted the humans on the surface, they could have taken them to the surface at any time. There was no need for an elaborate charade of pretending to be taken prisoner. This punk just got their ass handed to them and is too terminally smug to admit it. “Yeah, this was our plan! We wanted you to do this all along!” Bullshit.

Anyway, the Magistrate says it’s time for the reclaiming of the planet surface to begin, once Pike chooses a lady. Pike says that he’ll stay with Vina if the Talosians at least send Number One and the redhead back. Number One then drops this stunning line.

[Image Description: Number One, a white woman with long dark hair wearing a blue landing party jacket over a gold uniform shirt, saying, “It’s wrong to create a race of humans to live as slaves.”]

REALLY, IS IT? I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED. Man, Star Trek really coming in with the hard-hitting moral lessons here. So cerebral! I’m in awe.

To prove her point, Number One has set her phaser to start overloading, which will kill all of them. The Magistrate is, for once, quite thrown by this sudden determination to die rather than live in captivity. Pike tells Vina and the Magistrate that they still have time to get back underground before the phaser goes off, but Vina says that if they all really find it this important, she’s staying with them. After all if the Talosians have any human beings left they’ll probably just keep trying this whole thing all over again. And poor Vina may well be thinking now that going out in a phaser overload is preferable to more time as a captive under such awful circumstances.

Before anyone can get vaporized, though, a couple more Talosians come up in the elevator. Apparently they’ve got some information from the Enterprise records that they’re here to deliver to the Magistrate telepathically, though not before getting in yet another dig about how crude the humans are. The Magistrate is stunned at this new information: that humans have such a hatred for captivity that they’ll choose death instead, no matter how pleasant the captivity is. Yeah, we really hate captivity. Not so much, of course, that we won’t subject lots of other humans to it if it’s convenient for us, but, y’know.

At any rate, from this information (wherever they got it from—was there just a subheading in the Enterprise archives about How Much We Hate Captivity, Boy We Really Do?), the Talosians figure that using humans for their slave race is never going to work because they’re just too violent and rebellious. Since the humans are no use, the Talosians are going to let them go. Oh. Well okay then.

Pike is annoyed that they’re not even getting a “sorry we kidnapped and tried to enslave you” or anything, but one of the Talosians points out that without a slave race, the Talosians are condemned to die, so Pike should be happy with that. Oh sure, blame it on the humans. You were the ones who got yourselves into the situation where you needed a slave race to survive. You have only yourselves to blame.

But apparently humans were the Talosians’ best shot, as they were unable to find any other species adaptable enough for the purpose. Pike wonders if there might be, y’know, some middle ground between survival by slave race and extinction—trading, perhaps—but the Magistrate says that humans would eventually pick up the Talosians’ illusion powers and destroy themselves too. That’s a remarkably confident prediction. How do they know humans are even capable of developing that power, or that they would react in the same way to having it?

Oh, never mind. Pike’s done with these idiots and ready to get back to the ship. All eyes then turn to Vina—who says she can’t go.

Up in the transporter room, they’ve suddenly got power again, and the helm is responding once more. Oh, I guess the Talosians did have control over the ship? Since...when? It seems to be enough for them to transport Number One and the redhead back up, at any rate. But not Pike just yet. He’s still down there talking to Vina.

As dramatic music plays, the illusion fades away from Vina, revealing her TRUE FORM: an old woman with a couple scars and a hunch. Hideous.

[Image Description: Vina, an old white woman with stiff pale hair, a scar running across her face and another under the corner of her mouth. She is wearing a shimmery white-gray garment and her right shoulder is hunched up close to her ear.]

Vina says the Talosians found her in the wreckage of the crash, horribly injured, and were able to save her, but because they had never seen a human before they had “no guide to putting [her] back together.” So they were able to figure out human anatomy well enough to restore a dying crash victim to full health, while somehow also not being able to figure it out well enough to make the human look right—even though the Talosians are pretty human-looking themselves and, one would think, would have a decent idea of where all the arms and legs and things go at least. Of course, given that all we can see is Vina’s face and some of the shape of her upper body, it’s rather hard to tell what the Talosians even did that was supposedly so bad. Maybe we’re supposed to imagine the rest of her looks like a Necromorph, but as it is, you’ll forgive me for not dropping my jaw in horror at an old woman with a hump.

Pike, however, seems to be considerably more squeamish, and stands there gaping like an idiot. The Magistrate tells him that they had to show him that Vina did in fact honestly want to stay behind, but they’ll give her back her “illusion of beauty” and “more.” I mean they psychologically tortured her for eighteen years, but we can probably trust them with her welfare.

So Pike returns to the ship, and when asked if Vina isn’t coming with, he says, “No, and I agreed with her reasons.” Oh, you agreed, did you? Once you saw her “true form” wasn’t attractive to you, you realized it was better for her to stay with the aliens that tortured and enslaved her. God forbid she should walk among humans again. She might drive people mad!

The Enterprise heads out, and in the present, the screen goes white again—presumably that’s really the end this time. Kirk gets up, shares a long look with Spock, then turns to say something to Mendez—but Mendez promptly disappears. An image of the Magistrate then appears on the screen, speaking telepathically.

The Magistrate says that Mendez never left the base—he’s been an illusion ever since the shuttlecraft. Having heard from Spock what strength of will Kirk had, they were afraid that Kirk would regain control of the ship, so they made this illusory court martial to distract him. Well if that was the case, why the frell did Mendez keep trying to end the court martial? You’d think they would want him to be extending it as much as possible instead of constantly saying he wanted it stopped.

Anyway, the Magistrate says Pike is welcome to come stay with them for the rest of his life, where he can live in a virtual world instead of being stuck paralyzed forever. Kirk wants to know why the hell Spock didn’t just explain all this to him, because after all Kirk is always down for breaking Starfleet regulations if the Right Thing To Do is on the line. But Spock says that he wouldn’t have Kirk facing the death penalty too. Uh, he kind of is, though? Because it’s his ship so he’s responsible for everything that happens on it? Did we not go over this? I think we went over this.

At that moment, though, a message comes in from the real Mendez, saying that they received the transmissions from Talos 4 also, and in light of how important Pike has been to the service, they’re going to drop the death penalty thing this one time. And Spock is off the hook. Oh, well, that’s super nice of them. I guess the only thing left to do is ask Pike himself if he wants to go.

Pike says yes, so Spock takes him off to the transporter room. Kirk, left alone in the room, is shown an image of Pike—young, healthy Pike—returning down the elevator hand in hand with Vina. “Captain Pike has an illusion, and you have reality,” the Magistrate says. “May you find your way as pleasant.” And there we end.

There is so much going on here I don’t even know where to start. The ending that Vina gets is, quite honestly, an outrage. It’s presented as an utterly obvious fact that her appearance means that staying behind on Talos 4 is best for her. Did anyone consider that maybe if they brought her back she could be treated by human doctors, who, y’know, generally have seen a human or two in their time and might be able to help her a wee bit more than the clueless aliens? Even if not, even if they could do nothing for her, why the hell shouldn’t she come back? It can’t be that she’s somehow unable to leave, such as from some kind of medical issue that only the Talosians can treat, because she outright says “everything works.” It’s an ending that pretty bluntly says that for a woman, being disfigured is such a horrible fate that it’s better for her to remain a captive of the aliens that imprisoned, tortured, and attempted to breed her to make a race of slaves, than for her to live with other humans. Some enlightened future this is!

It’s a bad enough for a character of any gender, but it’s hard not to see it as being directly related to her being a woman, because we have a male example to directly compare it to: Pike. Pike’s appearance after his accident helps demonstrate his condition but it’s otherwise pretty much incidental. No one ever comments on it. All the focus is on his quality of life--which it should be in that situation, but no one ever talks about Vina’s quality of life. So for Pike to consider going to live in a virtual world with the jerkass aliens he has to be completely paralyzed and barely able to communicate with anyone, but for Vina, well, she doesn’t look nice anymore, so that’s basically just as bad, right?

Not that the whole question of going to live with the jerkass aliens is itself not weird as hell. The idea of choosing the virtual world isn’t so much the problem. I mean, I spend way too much time playing video games to call anyone else out on their decisions in that regard. If this was some neutral situation--a planet or machine that naturally generates these illusions, or that the Enterprise had stumbled upon aliens with this power accidentally, maybe, for Pike or even Vina to choose to live there because they felt their quality of life in the real world was no longer good enough, that would be an understandable decision. But we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about the aliens that kidnapped five people, put them in cages and treated them like zoo animals, tortured them for not obeying, and intended to breed a race of slaves from them. Did everyone just forget that?! Vina outright described being tortured for eighteen years by the Talosians. Why would anyone remotely be okay with the idea of continuing to live with them? Why would you trust that they genuinely had good intentions for Pike and Vina now or that they’ve become definitely reformed in the past thirteen years? Why are we expected to treat this as an unambiguously happy ending?

I acknowledge that there were limitations when it came to writing The Menagerie--they had to work with an existing story which wasn’t written with the later framework in mind. But they didn’t have to frame that story in the way that they did, which, I’ll be honest with you, I did not find that great. It starts out interesting enough, with this whole question of what could possibly be going on with Spock, and what’s so terrible about Talos 4, but once they get to the actual court martial it just peters out. They keep trying to maintain tension in both storylines, but all the drama in the present one falls flat because it’s meaningless. Periodically the screen will stop or Mendez will go “I’ve had enough of this!”--and then nothing happens and everything carries on as it was. Then at the end it turns out Mendez wasn’t real and, despite Talos 4 apparently being SO DANGEROUS that it warranted the only death penalty in the Federation, Starfleet is like “oh okay yeah no it’s fine” and that’s the end of that.

Why not just...I don’t know...present the story as a flashback? Why go to all the trouble of setting up circumstances of letting them view the footage on a screen in a way that’s so weird the characters straight up have to say “hang on this doesn’t make sense” just to get the audience to accept it? Set up a situation where the present day Enterprise crew is dealing with something a little like the Talosians and have Spock go “oh we encountered something like this once” and Kirk go “oh tell me about it” and then at the end Kirk somehow gets an idea of how to deal with the current situation because of that story. Or maybe someone makes contact with Talos 4, maybe they’ve changed their minds and want to ask for help after all, maybe Vina’s changed her mind and wants to go home, but Spock has to relate the story because no one else knows what’s going on. Hell, maybe Spock and Kirk just meet Pike in a bar and he’s like “hey Spock remember those dumb aliens we met that one time!” There’s lots of potential frameworks that would be less overly complicated, and less prone to setting themselves up to an unsatisfactory conclusion, than the one we got.

The Cage was infamously rejected because the executives thought it was “too cerebral.” What, exactly, they thought was cerebral about it is a mystery to me. Was it Pike fighting a snarly guy in a fur hat for five minutes? Was it the bit where a woman in green body paint dances sensually while a lot of men ogle at her? Was it the giant laser? There’s so many amazingly cerebral things in this story, it could have been any of them. But whatever their reasons, I, for one, can only say I am glad that they did reject The Cage and that we got the show that we did instead.

TREK TROPE TALLY: None once again this episode--unsurprisingly since we only saw two main cast members and they just sat in a room the whole time. Next time we’ll be enjoying intrigue and Shakespeare references galore with The Conscience of the King.

#star trek #star trek the original series #star trek season one #1.12 The Menagerie Part 2 #recap tag #star trek TOS recaps #1.12 The Menagerie Part 2 recap

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oddcoupler222 · 6 years ago

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I'm in love with the little ficlet that you wrote about Ned, I wish all dads were like him... but yeah I'm kind of in love with everything you write for Sansa and Margaery, thank you for sharing! :) PS: I'm still extremely curious about Jeyne and Mya and what's their deal

Ned is very much an ideal dad. What he lacks in observance, he makes up for in heart.

OMG how could I have forgotten to share the Jya?!

Saddle up (kinda) for good old enemies to friends to lovers tale.

Of course, they met the year prior to TWW, and instantly disliked one another. Mya is a very private person - like extremely so - and very dry, low-key. Like, she would consider Sansa one of her closer friends, but even then, Sansa doesn’t know a ton about Mya’s personal life (Sansa also never pries, and Mya likes that). She enjoys a drama free existence, being organized, and values having security.

Fairly needless to say, Jeyne, right off the bat, is not her favorite person. She’s extremely nosy, decently loud, loves the hot goss, a bit unorganized, and still isn’t sure at this moment what she wants to do with her life. And honestly, Mya’s brand of exasperated condescension isn’t Jeyne’s cup of tea, either.

But - it’s fine. They’re generally, “ugh. whatever” around each other, as we all know, through TWW.

Things start to change a bit post-TWW because my god! they become roommates!

And tbh it is a bit rough at first. Because all of the things that they don’t quite agree on are right in their faces. I mean, off the bat, Mya sent Jeyne a “roommate agreement”/set of rules (to which Jeyne was like wtf, we will just live together and figure it out?) and in response, she wrote, new email who dis? … and that was about as far as their roommate agreement went (as far as Mya knows).

Jeyne doesn’t do well with not having someone around, you know. Like, she loves living with Sansa; if she had the choice to live alone in her own place or with Sansa (or like a friend in general), she would choose to live with Sansa/a friend. She likes to talk and share clothes and meals and talk and watch movies/shows together. She listens to her music loudly when she cooks/bakes, and when she showers, and when she is getting ready to go out.

Mya… is very much used to living alone. She’s been in and out of foster care since she was a child, and has been on her own since she was 17. She appreciates having quiet and her own space, and she’s worked her ass off to have moved to King’s Landing and to put herself through school – which is why it also sometimes baffles and irritates her that Jeyne’s father works closely with Sansa’s, meaning she comes from a comfortably wealthy family, and that she is just kind of flitting away her life (aka dropped out of college, just decided she was going to move to KL, working in the cafe without really thinking about what she seriously wants to do, etc)

So. It’s rough for the first couple of months while living together. Jeyne is fairly willing to put aside any issues she has with Mya in order to spend time with the person she lives with, as a social creature. As such, she also has some boundary issues (you know, all the times walking into Sansa’s room whenever she wants because that is how it is between them, etc.Not that she does it to that extent with Mya, but still. And she has some trouble seeing how she oversteps).

And Mya has very little patience for Jeyne overstepping her boundaries, and if anything, it makes her feel even more snappy/serious about maintaining her own privacy. (there may have been a Serious Argument, when Jeyne sort of went through some of her boxes to try to help unpack. Jeyne intended for it to be a good deed, but Mya walked in to Jeyne sitting in the middle of some of her stuff, including the few things she has of her mothers, which she is very protective over).

Meanwhile, Jeyne doesn’t want to tell Sansa the WHOLE of the issues she’s having in her absence, because she wants Sansa to not stress about this while she’s loving Volantis. So, this is when she and Margaery sort of start to become friends. She asks Marg, eventually, what she thinks she should do to try to bury the hatchet with Mya, because she can’t take living like this for the months to come.

And Margaery advises her to do something nice for Mya, “For the sake of the seven, don’t be wildly over-the-top. Keep it simple.”

“What, I’m supposed to not be myself?” She’s half-asking for real, half-teasing.

And Margaery smirks, “Exactly.”

So, she decides she will be simple. She will surprise Mya with dinner – cooking, another thing she misses about Sansa. Yes, she can cook. But Sansa enjoyed it, and now that she’s not around, she has to cook for herself, blah. But it’s kind of nice, because she is focusing on making food she has realized Mya likes after having shared a kitchen with her for a little while.

And she will not be loud while doing so (no singing, playing her music softly) and that she will clean as she goes, since Mya has had fits about her leaving pots and pans and silverware and food out (which, for the record, she truly was going to clean. She was just going to do so after she ate and relaxed; what is the rush). Bonus! She picked up a book-to-movie adaptation of some novel Sansa loves (and she has seen Mya reading it, too), that she is going to suggest to watch; a nice peace offering, she thought.

When she gets to the apartment - she had told Mya that she was going to be out late in order to make the dinner a surprise - she is the one who is in for a surprise when she sees a woman, wearing only Mya’s short robe, walking out of the bathroom. The woman screams. Jeyne screams and drops the bags of food she was holding.

Mya comes running out and is pissed at Jeyne because “I thought you weren’t going to be home tonight! You told me you weren’t.” And Jeyne is so, “There’s a girl in a robe??? Who is that?!”

The woman leaves in a hurry. Mya and Jeyne end up having a tense argument about Jeyne clearly lying about being out about about and for being so fucking nosy and Jeyne for being like, this is my apartment. It evolves into something bigger, about how Mya needs to loosen the stick up her ass - especially since it seems to only be there when around Jeyne - and about how Mya thinks Jeyne is far too flippant and frivolous and intrusive about everything and can’t she just take anything seriously for once, even if it’s just keeping a schedule (which hits somewhat hard, because. well, Jeyne knows she doesn’t have her life “together” and all, and it is a Big Conversation she has with her father relatively often)

It leads into a Jeyne not making dinner, tossing the ingredients into the cabinets and throwing the movie on the table, before staying in her room.

And Mya kind of cooling down in her own room for a bit before going into the kitchen and seeing everything, and sort of putting together that Jeyne meant to be doing something nice for her. Plus she thinks about the many times Sansa had told her about the good aspects of Jeyne, and she starts to feel like. Somewhat guilty. Which is a first for her when it comes to Jeyne.

Going to her room, she knocks on the door, and Jeyne has her come in. They do talk some stuff out, Jeyne apologizing for not always recognizing when she is crossing a line and Mya apologizing for being… prickly, sometimes. It makes Jeyne snort a laugh, and there’s a few moments of peace, until Mya mentions that having/keeping schedules was in her roommate agreement -

And Jeyne cuts her off, quoting back to her why the scheduling part was number 2 on the list.

Mya stares at her for a few seconds, “You… actually read it?”

“I mean, I thought it was kind of ridiculous that you were trying to map out living together before we even spoke about it face to face, but of course I read it,” Jeyne rolls her eyes.

“How was I supposed to know! You send back a ridiculous response!”

Jeyne just kind of laughs at that, and the look on Mya’s face. And for the first time, Jeyne laughing at something like this doesn’t piss her off, and she can’t help laughing a bit, too.

A little later, after they made dinner together, Jeyne - truly unable to help herself - asks, “So… who was that girl?”

And Mya sighs, and tries very much to not get prickly about Jeyne asking an understandable question, “She was a woman. That I used to date. Who is back in town for the weekend.”

Jeyne stares at her in shock, “You’re -”

“Bi. Yeah,” she knows Jeyne is staring at her and she fastidiously avoids staring back.

“But! You…” she is shouting but she can’t help it! “Sansa - does -”

“No,” she cuts her off, sighing, as she wipes her hands on her apron, “She doesn’t know.” And she leans against the counter, pouring herself another glass of the wine they’re drinking because this is personal and she doesn’t like to share personal but she knows she really isn’t getting out of it, and she doesn’t want to make anything between them worse.

She explains that sharing very personal things is… uncomfortable for her, and that Sansa had come out to her for the very reason that she knew Mya wouldn’t make any sort of deal out of it. Mya hadn’t wanted to make it about herself, either, and honestly had been a little worried that Sansa might try to lean on her a bit… and that made her nervous because she has a good amount of insecurities about her ability to really be there for someone, after having not had any serious/lasting connections in her entire adult life. (well, she doesn’t go too deeply into that personal shit, but the gist is explained)

“But when I tried to get you to go to speed dating you said it would be giving women false hope!” Jeyne insisted, her mind still spinning.

And Mya can’t even help but laugh, with the serious bafflement and outrage on Jeyne’s face, “Yeah, it was false hope because I don’t want to date anyone from lesbian speed dating.” she lifts up one finger, then adds a second as she says, “Plus, Sansa did not want either one of us there.” And a third, with a smirk, “And I had to stop you from going.”

Overall, that is a big turning point for them. Jeyne starts respecting space more (trying, anyway, she will never be great at it), and they form different schedules and roommate traditions than Jeyne had with Sansa, but it’s a nice different. She enjoys Mya’s cynicism and snarky comments - when they aren’t directed at her - and finds that she is truly, really hilarious tbh.

On the other hand, Mya learns how to share her space and open up a little bit with Jeyne - who often times doesn’t give her a choice, and weirdly, Jeyne is very good at getting her to say things that she ordinarily wouldn’t ever say to other people. She kind of, reluctantly, ends up enjoying the injection of Jeyne-drama-loudness-exuberance into her life.

They’re strangely, actually friends? It’s, weird? Friends but not like friends the way they are with Sansa (or most of their other friends). It’s a comfortable closeness that they’ve formed, and when Sansa is coming home from Volantis at the end of the seven months, they both are excited to have her back but are honestly a little sad about their roommate-ness ending.

Sansa returns (Jeyne literally tackles her to the ground in excitement at seeing her) and Mya moves into her own place. Her own place feels a little quieter, now, and it’s… weird. And Jeyne loves having Sansa back but she misses some of the stuff she did with Mya as a roommate, especially now that Sansa is with Marg and spends a good amount of time with her.

A couple of weeks after Sansa returns home, a few weeks before Christmas, Jeyne and Mya hang out. Jeyne asks Mya what she’s doing for the holidays - she knows more about Mya’s childhood than Sansa/anyone does, really, at this point, and knows she doesn’t have family to go home to.

Mya shrugs, “I have a week off from work. I’ll probably just enjoy some peace and quiet,” she jibes with a smirk.

And Jeyne just rolls her eyes, “If you have time off, you should come home with me.”

Mya is… well that isn’t something she does with anyone. Not ex-girlfriends. Not Sansa, who has invited her to her family’s place and to their NYE party. So she says no.

But Jeyne has a way of wheedling (and brow beating) and ends up getting Mya to agree to come with her.

So, she goes North with Jeyne and Sansa - who is amazed that she came - and stays with Jeyne, and feels a little off kilter at first. But then eventually, with Jeyne’s intensity and excitement and just everything feels so normal… it kind of starts to feel nice? To be there with a family rather than on her own, like she has been ever since her mom died when she was ten.

On that Christmas morning, when Jeyne is talking quickly and going over plans for the holiday and including Mya in future holidays in an off-hand comment, sitting there with wrapping paper all around her on the floor and messy hair from sleeping… it’s where Mya’s heart skips a beat and - oh. Well. Fuck.

(because Jeyne is kind of now her best friend, totally unexpected, and also very straight)

In true Mya fashion, conceal don’t feel, and never says anything, trying to live her life as normal. Even if - UGH - she lets Jeyne in so much easier than she wants to, because it’s not something she wants. But it’s fine. Jeyne doesn’t know and she’s just acting as Jeyne, and that’s - it’s scary but also not.

This continues on for another year and a half, when Sansa finally moves in with Margaery officially, and Jeyne exaggeratedly bats her eyelashes at Mya, “Gee… I wonder… who could possibly want to put up with me and move in?”

So, they end up moving in together again. Which makes Jeyne ecstatic because she’s become super close to Mya in the last couple of years, and itt’ll be nice to live with someone who isn’t staying at her girlfriend’s place for like half the week (though she IS Sansa and Margaery’s number 1 fan, make no mistake).

While they live together this time, though, they have some Moments. Jeyne has forgone the whole boundaries thing, now that they’ve come so far. There are times of cuddling. A lovely time where Jeyne (who is in the shower) calls for Mya, who thinks something is going on… and then goes in and see’s Jeyne who is like… silhouetted in the shower curtain and is also almost halfway leaning out of the shower (because she has 0 shame or inclincation to hide her body) and Mya short-circuits before spinning around and, “You’re - naked!” “Well you knew I was coming to take a shower.” “I didn’t think you… why did you call me in here?” “Oh. I wanted to ask if you would order dinner so it would be here when I’m done.”

(needless to say, living with Jeyne does not help her feelings. but she’s resigned)

Unnnntil!

The night of Sansa’s planned proposal to Margaery, where she has Jeyne and Mya both in on the plan and helping her out. When things go awry, Jeyne returns back to their place, arms full of the flowers and the champagne that she’d gotten back from Sansa and Margaery’s place.

She and Mya, instead, drink the wine together, discussing Sansa/Margaery’s proposal-that-wasn’t and the election and how Jeyne worked with Marg on her campaign and is thinking about going back to school to something she might enjoy (but she’s a little nervous).

And Mya shakes her head, tipsy, but she thinks she probably has a lot of stars in her eyes when she looks at Jeyne even sober, but she is very serious, “Jeyne, no. You would be amazing, doing anything you’re passionate about. You… you are so…” she trails off, gesturing at Jeyne, before she uses that hand to twirl some of Jeyne’s long, glossy dark hair around her fingers.

Jeyne scoffs, “So flippant? So much?” It’s a rare time for her to feel genuinely, openly insecure.

And Mya instead slides her hand down and turns to look at Jeyne completely, “No. Well, yes, you are a lot. But not… bad. You are so smart. And so unafraid to say what you want and what you feel. And so good at getting other people to do the same. You are amazing, Jeyne Poole, and don’t you dare be afraid to do anything you want.”

Jeyne turns to look at Mya, too, and realizes in that moment how absolutely close they are. Like she can see how the dim lighting of the room reflects in Mya’s vibrant blue eyes and makes them almost mystical, and she can feel her breath wash over her cheek and her hand feel so strong and warm, stroking her thumb over the back of her hand. And her words… she can feel how much Mya means them, and it makes this heavy, warm, tingling feeling shift inside of her that…

is so strange. Like almost like the feeling she’s had in the past when having interest in a guy, but like more and it’s unfamiliar and a lot and good and… she doesn’t pull back but doesn’t move forward, and squeezes her hand around Mya’s as she manages a whispered, “Thanks.”

And the next morning she wakes up with Mya curled around her (she does get amusement from the fact that everyone would assume she is the primary cuddler between them but it is in fact Mya who gets all cuddly during sleep). And it’s not like they haven’t cuddled together many times in the last couple of years (it took her TIME to knock down that wall, and she is very proud and honored to have done so).

But it’s the first time she’s ever felt like this. Like something sliding through her that feels a lot like want and maybe like more-than-like, and she doesn’t know what is happening or where it’s coming from, exactly? But like. It’s here. And Jeyne isn’t one to avoid how she feels…

So she goes to her number one trusted source, going to see Sansa the weekend after Sansa and Margaery actually got engaged. Does the genuine and appropriate squealing. Before she thinks about Mya, again, and sighs, and Sansa is like, “What was that sigh about?”

So she confesses, of course, “I think I like Mya and maybe love, in not a friend way!” she bursts out.

And Sansa is shocked, staring with her mouth open, before, “WHAT?!” comes out on a shout.

“I DON’T KNOW! WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?!” Jeyne screams back, and they stare at each other for some long beats, before Sansa shakes her head before they calm down and have an actual talk.

Sansa is still shocked, but is always Jeyne’s best voice of reason and sounding board, and Jeyne ultimately leaves feeling convinced that she does actually like-maybe-love Mya? And she has been spending like every waking moment thinking about this, and going over all of their interactions and like. Gods. What if they’ve been basically dating for years and she hadn’t even realized it?! That’s kind of what it feels like.

And because she’s Jeyne, she goes home in a whirlwind. Sees Mya in the kitchen and marches up to her, determined.

Then kisses her because she is Jeyne and she isn’t going to not go after what she wants, even if it’s uncharted territory.

And holy fuck, was it worth it, when Mya - shocked still for a long moment - slides her hands into Jeyne’s hair and responds.

(Margaery, for the record, totally told Sansa months before that there was something between Mya and Jeyne and Sansa was like, “No way!”… she is very vindicated now)

aaaand for the record (i posted/mentioned before, but it’s been like over 2 years, so), Jeyne:

Mya:

#those who wait #jeyne poole #mya stone

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shitmoviesonshitwifi · 6 years ago

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Rodeo and Juliet

Here is my play by play reaction to this movie.

1. So there is a girl named Juliet and she is moving to her grandfather’s ranch with her mom after his death.

2. She is pissed that she has to move, but then she meets this horse, Rodeo, apparently she had riding lessons in NYC but can’t saddle a horse.

3. Seriously, she just like throws it in the air with the strength of a 9 month old infant.

4. She makes friends with Nan, like who the fuck names their kid Nan? Anyway, she is the only black person in the whole town so far.

5. Nan takes her to a barn dance and introduces her little brother, so two black people so far. (this movie does not seem to accurately represent the beautiful diversity of our nation)

6. Some mean girls approach Nan and Juliet. They claim that Juliet’s outfit looks like, “a clearance rack at Chicos”.

7. Juliet is wearing like a black leather jacket and black jeans and black heels, I mean they aren’t Prada but the outfit isn’t bad.

8. Anyway, Juliet comes back with “I’ll let Lana del Rey know you said that next time I’m backstage at one of her concerts like last weekend” and, “Oh my mom’s friend Calvin designed this outfit, Calvin Klein.”

9. Super cringey so far and way too detailed for a comeback.

10. Some country boy approaches Juliet and she dips out of the way for another cowboy and pretends he is her date, this movie is so cliche so obviously they fall for each other. Not actually sure what his name is.

11. Meanwhile, Mom is at judge’s office looking for a will or statement entitling her to the ranch meanwhile some Billy Ray knock off comes in saying he has paper that entitles him to half of the ranch. Judge said it was never official.

12. We find out his name is Hugh and he was the grandpa’s right hand man.

13. A lot has happened and I cannot really follow but I guess the mom is now employed at the Judge’s office and is helping look for a will.

14. Juliet’s mom says to stay away from Loverboy since he is Hugh’s nephew and therefore the enemy.

15. Oh and btw Mom tells Juliet they have to sell the horse.

16. Juliet throws a fit and then learns of a barrel racing competition and thinks that if she and Rodeo win that she can’t sell him or the ranch.

17. Loverboy offers to teach her and says that she knows he’ll do anything for her, so their relationship is going hella fast, like it has only been 2 days.

18. Since Juliet is supposed to stay away from them she convinces her mom to let her ride Rodeo at Nan’s ranch

19. I suspect she’ll be riding Loverboy too, if ya catch my drift ;)

20. Training montage and searching for document montage begins.

21. Hugh and Loverboy have the same haircut and hat, little freaky.

22. Loverboy has a really pointy chin

23. Also horse is pretty little/scrawny for being a barrel racing horse

24. I have been informed by Ari (roommate) that Loverboy’s name is Monty.

25. So Juliet has been practicing for like 2 days and she’s already a god at the game

26. Definitely a hallmark movie due to the nature and quick, hard to follow plot and lack of diversity.

27. Wait! There are two more black people, a receptionist at the county clerks office and a dude in line. Ari: “still no asian people!”

28. Everyone drives really big, really shiny trucks

29. So some random dude with a weird beard shows up while mom is sweeping the driveway.

30. His name is bill Atterbury and he is looking for the grandpa, mom says he is not here and fails to mention that he is dead.

31. Okay now she mentions it all dramatic like.

32. Anyway, homeboy wants to buy the horse.

33. Oh and apparently mom is trying to get him to buy the land too.

34. This convo is going down like the opening to a cheesy 80′s porno (at least I am assuming so)

35. Ooh she invited him in for some lemonade..... and probably some sex too.

36. JK it is just really cheesy to invite a stranger in for lemonade.

37. The low visual quality and cheesy movie tropes make me honestly question if this is a hallmark movie or a bad 80′s porn.

38. Juliet is wearing some black off the shoulder shirt with big white lettering that says NYC with neon paint splatters.

39. It looks like it was purchased anywhere but NY, probably the juniors section of a SEARS department store.

40. Her hair keeps changing colors from dark brown to auburn, now she has a blonde streak in it.

41. Okay mom is now explaining her childhood in this small town.

42. Her mom died when she was 10 and her dad attached to her really hard, which seems normal since she is his only family left.

43. She was once in love with Hugh, engaged even, she liked the idea of being a rancher’s wife.

44. Then she fell in love with writing and ran off to New York, her dad and Hugh obviously did not approve.

45. Whatever she had with Hugh ended when she left and then she met Juliet’s dad and so on.

46. She admits that she really loved Hugh. Something tells me she still does and that they may get together again.

47. This entire movie I thought that Juliet took WRITING lessons in NYC but she was taking RIDING lessons in NYC, and apparently her grandpa paid for them.

48. This explains why she is so good at barrel racing, doesn’t explain why she can’t put a saddle on a horse.

49. Another off the shoulder top, what is up with this chick?!

50. Nan is always wearing a Canadian tuxedo ( Denim Jeans, Denim shirt, and Denim jacket)

51. Nan and Juliet are having girl talk and Nan is teasing Juliet for having a crush on Monty but like she’s already been on a date with him and kissed him so this shouldn’t really be a shock for Nan.

52. Monty takes Juliet to a tree grove on their horses and claims he has never taken anyone there before.

53. They kiss on horseback, as if this movie weren’t cliche enough

54. Why is Juliet always whispering in the horse’s ear like it understands english, it doesn’t.

55. WTF Nan is eating out of a feed bag with her hands, I don’t think it’s feed but that is still weird.

56. Mom shows up while everyone is practicing and Monty hides in the worst hiding spot imaginable, I expect nothing less from this movie.

57. Apparently it’s Christmas time??!?!?!?!

58. Nan pulls the whole flattery trope with the Mom to distract her and of course it works because this movie is cliche AF

59. Hugh drops off a wreath for someone.

60. Ohhh is it the mom, I wonder if he still has feels for her.

61. Ari : “It’s for Juliet” me: ewww gross.

62. Okay mom appears outside wearing some sort of hoodie/jean jacket that 2011 Justin Bieber would wear.

63. I was right. Hugh says some BS about how he always hoped she would come back.

64. Now he tries to convince her that the grandpa always wanted them to share the ranch.

65. Now they are calling each other out on their issues.

66. Alright back to Juliet and Rodeo, just brushing.

67. Mom has decorated a small office tree that doesn’t light up on top.

68. Oh mom has found a will saying that Mom and Hugh have to split the land. Something tells me she won’t mind as much.

69. Wait, mom finds out about Juliet and Monty and now she says she has to withdrawal from the competition because she lied. daughter says she lied too, about her past in this town.

70. Uh oh mom is selling the horse to Hugh.

71. obviously this isn’t the end of Juliet’s racing career.

72. Oh shoot Hugh is ranting about how the ranch and horse should go to someone who loves it as much as the grandpa did.

73. Mom spills the beans about the will.

74. Now they feel guilty for dragging the kids in when really they were just confused about themselves but really it isn’t that hard because they found the document so move on already.

75. Whoa, Hugh confesses that he went to NYC to find the mom when he heard she was getting married.

76. Cue the “ I never stopped loving you cliche”

77. They both talk about memories rushing back and all that jazz.

78. Of course, Hugh tips his hat back and they start making out.

79. EW! If they get married that would make Monty and Juliet Step-cousins that make-out.

80. Okay so it is competition day and mom and Hugh show up.

81. I don’t know why she is competing anymore because mom is probably not going to sell Rodeo and the ranch now that she and Hugh are together.

82. Monty and Juliet apologize for sneaking around but mom supports the relationship which is gross if they end up being step-cousins.

83. Wait, apparently the current champion is back when they thought she wasn’t competing.

84. Juliet rocks the first round. Cue competition montage. The announcer has a wicked mustache and then Juliet progresses to the finals. This horse is wildin’ and going fast now.

85. Nan is walking away and some slow-mo scene makes me think something bad is about to happen.

86. OMG! OMG! WAIT! I just noticed Monty is Hugh’s nephew, Monty-Hugh. Like Montague and then Juliet! Just like the Montague and Capulet family rivalry in Verona. I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T NOTICE THIS SOONER!!!

87. I forget that the mom is a writer, she apparently knows what to write about now. Ari: “so she’s going to write about a fucking horse girl?!?”

88. She sets the record. Wait! she doesn’t win. she loses by .2 seconds against the resident champion.

89. I mean she still is keeping the horse and they do not need money for the ranch anymore since Hugh and mom are a thing, so nothing is at stake anymore.

90. Okay so Bill Atterbury from earlier comes up and offers Juliet and Rodeo $4000 and wants them to ride pro and wants Monty as a pro circuit trainer.

91. “ Y’all have a Merry Christmas”

92. All of a sudden it cuts to the ranch house where the mom is typing her paper in some bouji heels while Hugh attempts to light a fire.

93. The Judge has randomly shows up and asks if they have come to an agreement about the ranch.

94. They tell him they have, an agreement to be husband and wife.

95. I CALLED IT!!!

96. This relationship escalated really fast over the course of like 3 days

97. Monty and Juliet are back at the grove, which isn’t really a grove because there are only like 2 scrawny trees, but they just call it a grove.

98. Ewwww they are step-cousins now.

99. Now they are racing their horses at sunset.

100. Ari thinks the movie will fade out..... oh! oh! she is exactly right!

Overall, pretty odd movie. It was definitely a Hallmark movie. It was very hard to follow and a lot happened really fast. I’m still not sure if the central plot was the land dispute, horse racing, or forbidden love. The commentary that Ari and I provided was highly entertaining though.

#humor #funny #satire #review #movie #movie review #horse movie #horse girl #forbidden love #cheesy movies #cliche #cliche movie #hallmark movie #romeo and juliet #Rodeo and Juliet

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