#i no longer feel that way !! now i go into being sick by thinking ‘wow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baby-yongbok · 1 year ago

Note

Hey can I pls request asking bf chan if you can give him a handjob for the first time and then making him cum all over your hand 🤭

This took me to a headspace that is currently causing brain rot so thank you for ruining me 😭This is a lot longer than I intended for it to be but I promise its worth it lol Enjoy! 💕

Free Time - Boyfriend!Bang Chan x Fem!Reader - Imagine

Word Count: 2,572

Warnings under the cut

✨Masterlist✨

✨Part 2: First Time✨

Warnings: Cursing, Cum tasting (for like a second), that should be all of the warnings? So Sorry if I missed any!

Reader is Called: Baby, Babygirl

Chan is called: Babe

Your relationship with Chan was nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and sexual tension. The two of you have only been dating for six months and you both agreed to take it very slow when it came to physical intimacy. You’ve done some stuff like making out, teasing each other over your clothes and even a bit of dry humping while making out but you have yet to fully expose yourselves to each other.

Today was one of Chan’s very rare days off and he promised to spend every second of it with you instead of working. The two of you spent the day doing absolute nonsense, you stayed in bed until noon and then ordered the most tasty yet unhealthy breakfast that you could imagine. Neither of you bothered to get dressed, you wore a flimsy tank top and panties and he wore nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. The two of you flipped through channels and played uno a couple of times until he got sick of losing. You played a silly game of hide and seek and even had a pillow fight. Your entire day seemed to come straight out of a rom com and you weren’t mad at that one bit. As it got later in the day your energy seemed to die down just a bit, the two of you decided to just chill and listen to music about two hours ago but it only brought your burst of energy back when Chan decided to try and teach you the choreo to Red Lights.

“You know I suck at dancing” You laughed as you tried to follow along with his directions.

“I know but this one is so easy.” He chuckled as he watched you mess up the move for the millionth time.

“I quit.”

You playfully throw your hands up in defeat and move to change the song since the two of you have now listened to the Red Lights a gazillion times. Chan plops down on the couch, and you study him quickly as you move to sit next to him. He’s sweating slightly from trying to teach you the choreography and he’s slouched into the couch and man spreading in such a sexy way that you almost think that you’re crazy for thinking it. As you sit next to him your eyes catch a glimpse of the slight tent in his black shorts and you can’t help but to stare for a bit. Luckily, Chan has his head tilted and resting on the back of the couch with his eyes closed as he breathes softly, if it weren’t for his slight exhaustion your staring wouldn’t be all that subtle.

“What time is it?” He asks with a sigh as he lifts his head to look at the digital clock on the wall in front of you two. “Oh wow, ten o’clock already? It feels like it's six.”

You chuckle and nod but your mind is on anything but the time right now. You quickly glance down at the outline of Chan’s member through his shorts before moving closer to him and throwing your leg over his knee and laying your head on his chest.

“What should we do now? We’ve spent the entire day being adult children.” Chan wraps his arm around your shoulder slightly holding you against him and his fingers start tracing imaginary circles into your skin.

“We could try to wind down for the night. Maybe I’ll go shower and you can do your little night time routine, put on your diffuser and dim the lights and stuff.” You smiled at the fact that he knew you so well, there was a certain atmosphere you liked to create in the house before you went to bed. You liked everything to feel soft and sensual but you weren’t sure if you were ready to give up the hyper fun vibes that were weaved into today quite yet.

“Maybe” You moved your leg, throwing it over both of his and positioned yourself so that you were straddling him. “Or we could enjoy each other's company a bit longer.”

Chan’s hands found a home on your waist as he looked up at you with bright playful eyes. “Yeah? How would you like to enjoy my company, babygirl?”

His lips turned into a grin and he bit his tongue slightly in anticipation. You stared down at him with the same sparkling look in your eyes but your gaze was less playful, there was a glaze of lust over your eyes that Chan was slowly noticing. You know that he noticed it because you could feel the evidence hardening near your heat.

“I think you know how.” You whispered as you leaned down towards his ear and left small kiss down his jawline. He let out a low groan as you continued to pepper light kisses all over his neck.

“Baby, what exactly is it that you want to do?”

“Well, I still want to take it slow with you.” You kissed the shell of his ear in between sentences. “But, I saw that you were semi-hard and now I can feel that you’re completely bricked up.”

You chuckle lightly when Chan moans quietly from you sucking on his earlobe. “So, I was thinking that maybe… I could give you a hand job?”

You pull away from his neck to get a glimpse of his facial expression and honestly you can’t tell how he feels about it. You’ve never seen such an expression on his face before, it almost looks like a cross between excitement and confusion.

“You want to jerk me off?” He asks bluntly, making you blush slightly. You shake your head in confirmation and Chan swallows hard as his eyes search yours “Are you sure”

“I’m so so sure” You slowly get off of his lap and stand in front of him. He takes you in for a second, your pretty cotton panties are hugging your hips and your tank top is so thin that it might as well not exist. One of your tank top straps is falling off of your shoulder and your hair is back in a messy ponytail, his hungry eyes scanning you only makes him harder and his dick twitches as a result. You notice the movement and smile towards him.

“Can I? Are you okay with that?” He shakes his head before managing to get a meek ‘yes’ out of his mouth. You drop to your knees in front of him and trail your hands up his calves and then up his thighs under his shorts. Chan holds his breath for a second as you get closer to his member but he shakily exhales when you move your hands back down his legs.

He watches your every move and keeps a close eye on your body language, he wants to make sure that you enjoy yourself too. You smile up at him as you excitedly sit up on your knees and reach for the waistline of his shorts giving them a slight tug before dipping them down and freeing his hard cock. You’ve only ever felt his member during make out sessions or when he got hard from you being on top of him, this is the first time that you’ve ever seen his cock and gosh to say that you’re impressed would be an understatement. You shimmy his shorts down a bit more down his thighs before lightly touching his hard dick and taking in just how perfect it looked. It’s a bit darker than the rest of his body and has a pretty prominent vein running along the bottom of it. The tip of his cock is red and dripping in anticipation and only one thought pops into your head.

“I did this to you?” He grins down at you and shakes his head.

“You always do, baby.” You grin back at him before running your hand up and down his shaft a couple of times trying to get used to the feel of his smooth skin and get accustomed to his thickness. “Fuck”

Chan’s head falls back against the couch at the friction and it only encourages you to do more. You lightly run your hand over the head of his cock and his hips slightly buck into your hand. You rub the pre-cum leaking from his cock across his tip with your thumb and he moans at the sensation.

“Baby, I’m really sensitive. It’s been awhile.” You shake your head in acknowledgement before spitting in your free hand and bringing it to his shaft. He watches as you take your second hand and smear your spit over his cock. A low groan erupts from his throat as his brows furrowed and he bites his lip slightly.

“Tell me if I do anything you don’t like or if I can do anything different, okay?” He shakes his head with a slight smirk.

“Of course but you’re doing fucking amazing right now.” You shake your head before bringing your hand back up to your mouth and spitting in it again. You wet his cock and then slowly start to stroke him with your wet hand. “Oh fuck.”

You try to keep a consistent rhythm while you pump his length, slowly increasing the speed as he melts into your touch. “Just like that, don’t slow down.”

You maintain the speed that he likes but you decide to spice it up a little. You lick your other hand and wrap it around his tip, stroking up and down at the same pace that you're stroking his shaft. His hips buck into your hand again and he runs a hand through his hair before taking a hand full in his fist and slightly pulling at it. “Oh baby, you’re doing so fucking good.”

Your mouth waters a bit as you watch how he reacts to you. His facial expressions and the way that his toes curl at the pleasure makes you want to give him more. You can’t help but to wonder what he’d be like when the two of you decide to take it all the way.

You change up your technique a bit and start twisting your fists side to side in a screwing motion making sure to cover his entire tip with your hand. A deep groan leaves Chan’s throat as your hands work over him.

“You like it, babe?” You ask in a bit of a cocky yet sexy tone, it feels good to see the effect that you have on him. You can barely imagine what it’ll be like the first time you use your mouth on him.

“I love it.” He moans out “Can you twist your hands and go up and down at the same time, baby”

You hum in response before doing exactly as he asks. His head falls back against the couch again and his back arches slightly. “Shit, babygirl, so perfect.”

You raise up on your knees a bit and spit down onto his cock making sure to keep it nice and wet, Chan groans at the sight and his free hand reaches forward and lightly grips your chin making you look into his eyes. With his brows still furrowed he dips his tongue out of the side of his mouth and bites it lightly before shaking his head.

“You’re so pretty jerking my cock like that.” A low moan escapes you as your eyes flutter shut momentarily and your lips part slightly. You bite your lip a bit as you keep his eye contact. Suddenly, his eyes shut tightly and his brows raise before furrowing again and his lips pull into a thin line. You lean forward a bit spitting down onto his cock again and the wet sounds that fill the room make the scene nearly feel pornographic. Chan opens his eyes and his mouth falls open as he shakes his head to encourage you to keep up what you’re doing.

“I’m gonna fucking cum.” He groans out and you swear that it’s the hottest thing that you’ve ever heard him say while you’ve been with him. You keep your hands going to a steady pace squeezing a bit more to give him a tighter feel. “Baby..” He moans out and you moan back in response.

His grip on your chin loosens slowly before he retracts his hand to bring both of them up behind his head to grab at his hair as his breathing quickens and his hips buck lightly fucking himself into your hand. “Just like that”

You keep your eyes on his and you watch as his cheeks start to turn red and he fights to keep his eyes on yours. “Fuck.. I’m..” His head falls back and he moans out loudly, you feel his cock twitch in your hands and you moan as you watch his first stream of cum fall against your hand.

“I’m fucking cumming” He grunts out and you slow down your movements as you watch his cum spurt out in hot bursts that cover your hands and drip down to the hardwood. Chan lets out a deep sigh and starts deep breathing to slow his heart rate. You slowly stop twisting with both hands and instead use one to jerk him lightly to ensure that you get every last drop from him.

“There’s so much.” You whisper to yourself but Chan hears you and chuckles lightly.

“I told you that it's been a while.” He lifts his head to look at you, his hands let go of his hair and fall to his side. You haven’t let go of his now softening member yet and it’s purely because your curiosity is getting the best of you right now. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just.. I want to taste it.” Chan’s brows furrow again but before he can ask what you mean you bring your cum covered hand up to your mouth and take a small taste. His eyes widen as he watches your tongue dip out and lick his arousal, a small groan leaves his lips as you look into his eyes and lick it again, taking a bit more this time.

“Not bad.” You shrug before standing from your spot between his legs.

“That was fucking hot.” He watches a smile creep up on your lips and you shake your head playfully.

“Come on, let's clean up and wind down. You made a mess on the floor.”

“Oh yeah I made a mess.” He laughs as he stands trying to avoid the puddle of his cum on the floor. You both go to the bathroom and clean yourselves up. Chan pulls up his shorts and just when you’re about to leave the bathroom he grabs your shirt lightly and his hand finds your waist pulling you back into him.

“Thank you for that. You really were amazing, so so perfect.” He plants a kiss on your neck and you giggle, smiling wide.

“It was my pleasure.” His fingers caress your sides as he leans into your ear.

“Your turn?” You blush immediately as you look over your shoulder to your smiling boyfriend. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Maybe.” You shake your ass against him teasingly before breaking free from his hold and sashaying away. He watches you with hungry eyes and you can feel his gaze on you. Maybe you won't be winding down anytime soon.

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uluvjay · 2 years ago

Text

Tattoos- T.Zegras

Summary: Your boyfriend looks extremely sexy while getting a tattoo

Tz x female reader!

Warnings?: SLUTTY, cursing, pain?, pet names

A/n: I hardly know anything about tattoos and this was hardly proofread so please excuse any errors!❤️

Do not repost my works as your own

Today Trevor has his first tattoo appointment out of three to get his half-sleeve finished. The guy was coming to the house like last time and Trevor was pretty much bouncing off the walls waiting.

When Trevor got his Nike tattoo last year you were out of town so you didn’t really know what to expect but still happy that your boyfriend was finally getting the tattoo he had been planning for months.

Your not sure what you were expecting but it definitely wasn’t that you would get horny watching your boyfriend in pain.

You were sat with your back against the opposite side of the couch with your feet in Trevor’s lap so he could hold onto one when needed and it didn’t hurt as much as It would with your hand.

You were also supposed to be planning your outfits for stagecoach in a few days but every time your boyfriend let out a light swear word or winced he took all your attention back.

You weren’t sure if it was the way his head was thrown back and his eyes were clenching as the artist took the tattoo gun over a more sensitive area of Trevor’s arm or the small grunts he was making but it had you clenching your thighs.

You couldn’t help but think about how pretty he looks from that angle when your in between his thighs on your knees and how good he taste- you needed a break from this view.

You wiggled your toes to signal for Trevor to let go so you could get up.

“Where you goin?” He asked as you stood up

“To get a drink, anyone want anything?” You asked but both men declined.

You chugged the glass of water you poured, you didn’t know what was wrong with you, how could you find your boyfriend in pain sexy? You should not have been this wet.

You must have been in the kitchen lost in your thoughts for longer than you thought because as you walked out Trevor was letting the Artist out of the house.

“All done already?” You asked slightly surprised

“Yeah we only did a majority of the outline today” he told you as he walked up to you to show you what he could from it being wrapped.

“Looks good babe” you told him as you looked at it

“You okay? Your red” he asked and you were sure your face got ten shades deeper.

“Yeah just a little hot” you told him looking down.

“You sure? Your not feeling sick or anything?” Poor boy thought you were getting sick, how were you gonna tell him you got turned on watching him get a tattoo?

“I’m sure baby, I’m feeling fine” you let him know.

“Now cmon let’s go watch our show” you said pulling him into the living room.

—

The next day you tried to get out of the house while Trevor got work done to his sleeve but you could only spend so long in the grocery store before people started to look at you weird.

And when you returned home with only four grocery bags after being gone for three hours Trevor looked at you a little weird as well.

“Were those old ladies holding up th-ahh shit” he started to ask but got cut off as the gun went over a sensitive spot.

You could already feel your core begin to throb at those simple sounds, it was pathetic honestly.

“Their names are Dolly and Marie, but yes they were holding up the deli line.” You said with a little laugh as you sat in the same place you did yesterday.

“They’re so sweet but take so lon-fuck” he once again got cut off by pain, the same pain that had you wet.

“I don’t mind it, they kind of remind me of you and Jamie” you told him with a laugh.

“Wow” he replied trying not laugh much so he didn’t move.

The conversation ended there as you turned the tv on, however it didn’t keep your attention for long as you boyfriends groans were a little louder today.

You couldn’t help but stare as you thought of all the things you wanted to do to your boy and all the things you wanted him to do to you. He was so pretty and the noises he made were even prettier.

“Baby!” You heard someone lightly shout and snap their fingers to get you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah? Sorry I zoned out” you told him getting red again

Trevor didn’t tell you because he wasn’t sure if he was right or not but he was pretty sure he saw you clenching your thighs and looking at his arm being tattooed.

“I was just asking if you could grab some paper towels please” he asked.

“Oh yeah, no problem” you said as you ran off

—

The next day Trevor decided he needed to figure out if he saw what he thought he saw, was his girlfriend really getting turned on to him in pain?

So here you were back in the same position as the last two days, your feet in his lap as you were leaned against the opposite side of the couch.

He’d been paying more attention to you then had had the past two days and he was beginning to think that his theory was right, you were getting turned on by his pain.

He noticed that every time he grunted, swore under his breath, or threw his head Back you were clenching your thighs and most of the time today you were lost in thought.

Once the sleeve was finished and he paid his artist he sat on the couch and called you in from the kitchen.

As you came in to stand in front of him he pulled you onto his lap, being mindful of his freshly done arm.

“I have a question” he said as he pulled you against him with your core right over his dick where he could feel you throbbing.

“Yeah?” You asked

“We’re you turned on by my pain?” He asked as he watched your face morph from shock to embarrassment.

“What!? No of course not” you said looking down in your laps.

“Baby?”

“Yeah?..”

“I can feel you throbbing on me” he said with a smirk as he began kissing your neck.

“Okay..maybe I did. You looked so pretty and you were making noises you do in bed” you said

“Oh I looked pretty in pain?” He asked with a grin

“Shut up” you said laughing

He didn’t reply just pulled your face down to his and kissed you nice and hard just how you liked it. He pulled your hair making you gasp and allow him to slip his tongue in your mouth and laying a smack on your ass.

“Z we can’t, I don’t want to accidentally grip your arm.” you said pulling away a from him.

“Looks like your gonna be riding me then” he told you as he pulled you back down to his lips.

—

Hope you enjoyed, thank you so much for reading!❤️❤️

#trevor zegras #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras smut #jack hughes #nhl fanfiction #quinn hughes #jamie drysdale #anahiem ducks #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #tattoos

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theauthorunicorn · 1 year ago

Text

1 A.M. | Gojo Satoru

an unmistakable angst festering within me that I need to let out.

note: if i was to be asked what type of drabbles, fanfic that i could and would read in my lifetime, I'll choose angst, that undescribed feeling that you wanted to punch the wall and angrily shout at someone. anyway, enjoy! reblogs, comments and like is really appreciated :)

not proof read

word count: 1128 word (wow)

Gojo Satoru x Reader

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

Satoru can't be explained in few words, if you can describe him, you'll be lost in your own words. Before, there were days that you only look at him, afar, adoring and silently loving him. But, for the past few years he is, was yours and you were his.

It didn't take long for him to fall in love with you, with his best friend out of the picture you gladly fill out the empty vastness within him. Shoko was there as well but you gave him the kind of attention that he needed that time.

For the past few months, you've been noticing the distance between the two of you. You assured yourself that you may be feeling this way since you've never seen each other and spent time together. Satoru also promises that the missions had been taking him to places and made him tired, so he'll just stay on his apartment to rest and will see you soon - this promise were also accompanied by mumbled I miss you and whispers of I love you's.

Late Saturday evening you're both watching the TV. You leaned comfortably in the sofa scanning the channels to land on a perfect show while Satoru was laying on your lap maybe asleep.

A long sigh broke the silence, "I'm sorry," you lowered down the volume, "I just can't find a good show."

He hummed in agreement, "Nah, your good." He said as he traced line over your skin.

"Do you think I changed?" Satoru asked without looking at you.

"What do you mean? Physically or what?" You played together with his antics.

"I mean, you spent a lot of time waiting for me and then I'll just call or text you that I will not be coming or even ditching our dates just because I was busy."

He noticed it too, "Uhm, I guess I understand your tired and missions had been longer and tiring, you know, so, I also try to understand it." You answered him.

"I just want you to know Y/N that I still feel the same way as when I first met you." He muttered. You can see that his trying to give you the assurance through his words that he can't physically show you.

But how long can you stay.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

You're both standing face to face as you bit your lips as you hold on to your tears, "You know what Y/N sometimes, no, honestly you suffocate me!" Satoru shouted, "How many times did I told you that we were just out drinking and you're here at my house demanding why I did not spend time with you instead? I do get a chance to choose how I spend my time right? I did not sign up for being with you all the time. Fuck, you're so annoying and clingy."

Long arguments with Satoru had been frequent. You're hurt, his word hurt, his gaze towards you hurts everything right now with Satoru hurts. You look at him trying to compose yourself if you should yell at him too, slap him, punch his pretty face, or just say -

"I'm sorry Satoru," you sighed, "I should not come here and demand your attention," you said slowly, "Yeah, missions and stuff is always the priority, right? We need to do that. I understand and I'm really sorry about -"

He looked at you without any emotions, maybe even regret about earlier instead of stopping he continues, "I hate that sometimes I get sick of you, Y/N. Fuck." He curses. The last words he said was so cruel and potent.

"I'm sorry again, Gojo." You look at him one last time trying to hold your tears. "I better get going, you need to rest." You walked away from him with a deep sigh and tears falling on your cheeks. It's one a.m. he should be asking you to stay and fix this mess, but he didn't. You walked away from the man that you loved the most that you let him break your heart a thousand pieces.

Thirty minutes passed you arrive in your apartment you phone pings, "Text me if your home, Y/N." You read it as tears falling in your screen. You left Gojo on read.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

You avoided Gojo after that night like a plague. Shoko asked you if everything was fine since Gojo had been asking about you through her. You simply smiled at her with hollow eyes and said that you just had a small argument with him, and everything is fine.

You lied to Shoko, and she knows that too.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

A week after that night you are avoiding Gojo had come to an end. A meeting was arranged to all staff to discuss an important matter. You tried to prolong your current mission to miss the meeting but -

"The meeting won't start without you in it." Shoko said softly over the phone.

"Why?" You chuckled, "It's not that I'm that important. You can just take note the minutes and pass it along."

"Yeah, I tried to stall them, but everyone is here waiting for you. Nanami is annoyed why your ass is still not here, Y/N."

"Fuck." You curse, "I don't want to be there, -"

"Are you coming or not?" Satoru asked you as he snatched Shoko's phone, that's only the reason why you're hearing his voice after a week.

You sighed, "I am. I'm just finishing this. Tell them to give me 15 minutes and I'll be there." You answered plainly.

"Where are you? I could come and get you instead."

"No, no need. I'm done." You end the call.

You were panting as you run across the Jujutsu Tech. You know you're a mess, hair in a messy bun, a cut on your cheeks, a bruise in your arm and thighs.

You opened the door and all eyes on you, "This meeting better be so important that you all required me to sit in after a fucking mission." You rolled your eyes and grab the nearest chair to sit between Nanami and Shoko.

Gojo stood up and walked towards you, "Are you even okay, Y/N. We could let Shoko check you first -"

"No, I'm not okay Gojo," you hissed at him, "just fucking start this meeting so I could rest." You tried to smile sweetly at everyone.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

"You are calling Satoru, Gojo is not heard for years, babe. What happened?" Shoko asked as you let her tend your injuries at her clinic.

"I'm just tired and that meeting could have been an email, you know, Kento even agrees." You motion to Nanami sitting across.

"And humor me, why Satoru is off limits here? He's like a stray cat outside waiting for you."

"Let him be."

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆⠄⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆

You walked out and thanked Shoko for her assistance. True to her words Gojo was there sitting like a stray cat waiting for you. You did not acknowledge his presence and walk on the opposite way to which he was sitting. He noticed you while closing the door but the lack of attention to him proves that you're not really talking to him.

Instead, he followed you through the halls of Jujutsu Tech and stopping as well when your students stopped and said hi to you.

"Y/N-sensei, how are you?" Nobara asked, "I heard that you were hurt, and they still let you attend a meeting." She pouted.

"I'm fine." You assured her, "and were still watching that movie tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay sensei, and why is Gojo-sensei following you like a lost cat." She whispers. You shrugged and smile and continue walking.

You can still hear his steps following you. You completely ignored him. You wanted to do this to let him taste his own medicine. You stopped your tracks and grabbed your phone to call a cab.

Gojo snatched your phone, "I already called one. Let's just wait for our ride here."

"What do you mean our ride? I'm going home to rest, I'm tired." You demand him to hand your phone back.

"Yeah, were going home -"

"What the fuck, Gojo." You snarled at him.

"It's Satoru, Toru, babe or baby for you, love." He corrected his own name.

"You're so self-centered, you know that don't act like you fucking love me when you fucking told me about many nights before that you're re sick of me, that I'm so annoying and you're tired. I'm tired right now so can you please leave me."

"I know I was self-centered that night and I got so mad and lost my cool but it's because I'm just tired. I wanted to talk to you, but you avoided me like a plague, I don't even know what you were up to. I had to check with Shoko or Nanami to check what are you doing. I hate myself for saying such cruel things to you, you know it's not true right? You know that I feel the same way for you every day, even if I failed to show it to you, it's still the same. My heart aches when I think about you. The things that I have said - I'm really sorry, love."

"How much longer do you want me to be in pain, Gojo?" You asked him.

"It's Satoru even if you're mad at me," he shakes his head, "what? I don't want you to be in pain."

Gojo saw your pretty eyes saying that everything is over, you and he are done but he denies it. Your indifferent now, cold and as if you're digging a grave to bury all the memories that you had with him. Gojo still denies it.

"We're done. I'm breaking up with you and you don't get a chance to say anything after what I've been through. I think about this for a past couple of days, Gojo. I'm done with you, I'm not sorry for this."

Gojo Satoru remained on his foot as he watched you walking away. Although all of him is breaking down because of you he doesn't have anything as of now to let you stay. But he knows deep down in this life, journey and world in which nothing last forever -

It's only you for him.

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circeyoru · 8 months ago

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Gone Too Young _ Part 4 = Collab

[Human & Demon!Alastor x Male BFF!Reader] - Platonic

Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 (here)

My collaborator: @blubugg13

As the two of you got older, you had more jobs on your agenda and Alastor was busy with his internship at the local news stations so he could get a feel of being a news reporter, later a radio host, just as you suggested

You knew him well, turns out he does like the thought of being a radio host, he had the idea of you being his co-host or a guest from time to time, even an assistant! That way, your job is stable enough and he would be able to help you finanically whenever you needed without you complaining like you do now

His mother had the better idea. Adoption. While you were off the list, surely you’d make an exception when it was his mother was wanted to do it. He could see as clear day that you had a soft spot for his mother. Hard to reject motherly love, he’ll agree. It was your Christmas gift, you’ll have a family

You never showed up to the secret meet up you two arranged. Alastor waited under the freezing cold, the streets were a buzz, he watched families go up and down. Perhaps you were working a bit later, you did say you might not be able to make it and apologized beforehand. He waited a bit longer. You still didn’t show up. He had to return home

He didn’t know, the ambulance that he passedby carried your deceased body

Christmas day came by, you weren’t there. The orphanage cancelled the adoption plan his mother registered. Before they agreed! They said it would be the perfect surprise even! Everyone was in on it but you

Something in his gut told him, something’s wrong. He ran to the orphanage and asked for you, maybe you were sick and couldn’t tell him. Yeah. When he got there, he wasn’t allowed entry, the director came to the door personally to inform him you leave town for an internship, some wealthy businessman offered you that and you took it and left

“When will he be back?” Alastor recalled asking.

Yet there was no solid answer.

“A few days, I’m sure.” Your sister figure answered without looking at him. He caught her outside while shopping.

“I think like a month. Not sure.” Your coworker shrugged.

“He’s sleeping though.” One of the little ones you take care of spoke when he sneaked into the orphanage to see you.

“Maybe never, you never know.” One of your employer said.

“Stop asking for him! Mind your own business!” The director stopped him in his tracks.

But you were his business. He was your best friend and you were his. Why can’t he know where you went and when you’ll be back? Why does it feel like everyone but his mother and he know something about you?

Then he caught it while listening in on some workers chat while taking a break outside the last factory your worked at. The horrifying truth of your disappearance

“That kid Alastor’s back?”

“Yeah, he’s asking about him again.”

A sigh. “Can’t we just tell him what happened? It was an accident.”

“Are you crazy?! Who would want to know their friend ended up like that?!”

“Besides, the orphanage director already said to keep quiet about it.”

“I mean, it’s brutal.”

“I’ll say. Getting your arm rolled into the machine like a piece of meat, then die from blood loss.”

“I still get nightmares from that day.”

“Christmas day horror. It was even worse for that guy that accidentally bumped into him, right?”

“Yeah, Joe quit his job and just disappeared.”

“But I heard he was a roadkill somewhere.”

“Wow, that’s like karma.”

“Crazy sh*t happens everywhere…”

Alastor never ran that fast in his life. His smile fell and tears rained, the weather seemed to echo with the truth he learned, it rained, poured heavily. He ran into the forest and screamed till his voice gave out

No way… No way. NO WAY. NO WAY! NO WAY IN HELL!

He clenched as he fell to his knees. How could they keep such a secret to him? Everyone. Every one of them lied to him. Because he was some kid. Because you were just an orphan? Why? Why didn’t anyone tell him?

Unlike the others, he told his mother the truth he learned. Those adoption papers that sat on her desk in the study room were put away into a drawer, locked up. His mother soon fell ill from griefing and the shock, passing soon after then

Now when he walked the same roads and saw the people you helped, he saw red. That rage boil within him. Who knew and didn’t care? Who ignored your tragic death?

Without anything to ground him, he only had his job as the new radio host. A grand start!

“Welcome, everyone! I am Alastor, now your new radio host! You might have remembered me from other channels when I was still a young lad, haha! I’m here to stay! But regrettably, I have to start with recording some distrubing and tragic news. There seems to be a killer on the loose. So everyone be sure to lock your doors and windows at all times, you never know when the killer will strike.”

Note: A bit short but... That concludes the parts for the human Alastor and Reader~ Next up are the ones for the demon version and in Hell~

Circe Y.

My Works: MASTERLIST

Taglist: (those that don't specify to being in all the works' taglist will automatically be assumed to be in whichever series they comment on)

@aconfusedwonderland @crowleysthings @donustellaron @mistpurpl3 @lucifers-silhouette @fluffy-koalala @boredwithlifeatthispoint @mysterypotatoink

#Circe's Nighty Writings #Circe's requested writings #alastor imagine #alastor x reader #alastor x y/n #alastor x you #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor headcanons #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor #hazbin hotel oneshots #alastor fanfiction #hazbin hotel imagines #Gone Too Young #male reader #yandere alastor x reader #yandere alastor

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eliciria · 10 months ago

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Ahmmm..

Headcanons for Leona Kingscholar while being friends with benefits with Reader/yuu

Angst and fluff??

a/n : thanks so much for requesting! My first post that actually shows my writing! wow! Sorry if it's a bit more angsty than fluff, i naturally go there hehe. Hope you enjoy!

whisper to the trees... (ask box) : open

check my about me/request rules here

wc : 0.8k words

cws : suggestive but still fluff, miscommunication phase for like 2 seconds, swearing, kind of ooc leona, potentially happy ending? gn reader

song playing : this is how it feels by laufey ft. d4vd

Leona Kingscholar with a friends to benefit! Relationship

I'll be so real right now, he actually wouldn't do any type of PDA with you. Even if you lean to more of the affectionate and almost lover-type phase of your 'friendship', he won't even attempt to try and hold your hand out in the open.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want to, though.

It's just that his pride kind of gets in the way when he attempts to brush his fingers against yours a little longer.

Pride is also probably the main reason why both of you remain friends. You think he wants to remain friends, while he struggles to pour his true emotions to you.

It leads into a cycle of ghosting then love bombing. The lack of responsibility within the interactions of both of you, before finally missing you becomes toxic.

He misses your supposed first dates, before apologizing later in the night. After reconciling, you'd attempt to meet up with him again past your `nightly activities` , but he misses it again. The cycle repeats.

Frankly, you were a bit sick of it. But you gave him one last chance to talk it out with you after class. To figure it out together.

So when he notices you right after he flirts with a random student(for them to carry one of the group projects, that is). He can't help but regret to have confessed earlier.

You walk hastily, trying to avoid the awkward situation you just witnessed. You finally got your answer, but you wished it wasn't in this way.

You pretended that you weren't in denial, and your actions showed the opposite. You really were. Tears were fighting to come out, and your lips trembled in both sadness and anger.

You only snapped out of it when Leona grabbed your hand a bit too tightly, breaking you out of your train of thought.

"Are you seriously walking away?" He asked you. How funny. You scoff.

"After witnessing that? Any person would."

"You don't understand." Really? Is this how he is going to act? You roll your eyes, tears sliding.

"Just what do I not understand? That you pulled that shit on me? Just how long do you think I can handle this bullshit?" Your voice attempts to remain stable, but the broken sobs break your attempt to look like you didn't care. You were just friends, yes. But the nights where he had "loved" you felt too much now.

" Yuu--"

"What, huh? I'm tired, so tired of you treating me like a whore. Like someone with no dignity. You treat me like a friend, and I'm happy you do. But when we try to step forward, you act like I'm just a fucking bed warmer! Just what do you want from me Leona?! I can't keep up with this. I love you, but I'm tired. Please, just stop-"

You get interrupted with your face being buried in his chest. He was embracing you, with a bit too much gentleness. He was stroking your hair, muttering a "shhh...". You hit his chest again and again, your broken sobs muffled. It would happen all over again. You'd fall again, and he'd do nothing but let you.

He watched as you screamed at him. It was understandable, he had refused to show any sign that he had truly loved you. But when he picked up the noise of students' footsteps, he can't help but want this to be cut short.

Nobody can hear your cries, unless it was him.

He immediately embraced you, both in comfort, and to blur your cries.

As you hit him as he hugs you, he gripped you a bit tighter. The punches were weak, and he was too focused on stopping you from crying.

Students passed by the both of you, glaring at the scene. A couple hugging in a hallway? Out of all the places?

But they rushed on as they noticed his death stare. The second they had tried to look at your face, he was tempted to pounce at them right then or there. He fought the urge to actually commit the act; he simply moved himself so all they would see was his back, and not you.

After a few more minutes of silence, he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I do love you. I really fucking do. The only person I want to see is you. The only person I want to be with is you. I just...don't know how to tell you that. I acted incredibly douchey, so i apologize. For everything. For all the dates I missed. For the missed opportunities to say I love you. For not being able to give you what you deserve. I'll change. Fuck, I'll do anything. I need you, so please. Don't leave."

You remain still, before letting out a jagged breath. You held onto the side of his jacket, and he rests his hand on your neck, the other on your waist. You look at him.

"I won't."

a/n : the cycle continues! if you liked this, please like or repost it! again, my asks are open, and thanks for reading!

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #leona x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #leona x reader angst #leona angst #leona kingscholar angst #leona kingscholar #leona #leona kingscholar x reader angst #twst angst #twisted wonderland angst #twst #twisted wonderland #twst fluff #leona fluff #twisted wonderland fluff #the way i saw my friends go through this...#｡･:*˚:✧｡elicir's abode

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wonwoosthetic · 10 months ago

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Helllooo! Could we please get a Joel x oc update? 🤍

series masterlist

masterlist

word count – 12.9k

pairing – pre-outbreak!joel miller x reader

warnings – pregnancy and everything that comes with it, mentions of throwing up, soft!joel, a little bit of cursing, and some I guess “old fashioned” way of thinking if you squint, mentions of sex but no smut

a/n – hiii, of course you can! Like mentioned before, this was supposed to come out way longer ago, but a lot of things got in the way sadly, but I still hope you can enjoy it and enjoy the slight Christmas touch to it ˙ᵕ˙ this was originally for this request, so thank you🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Congrats On #2, Dad

2005

"Oh wow...," Maria's eyes raked you up and down while you continued panting at her door. "You really do look like shit." With a deep breath in, you brushed past her, straight into her apartment. Only a quick few steps later, you crashed into the living room, throwing your bag onto the couch and trying to get your winter jacket off your body. The hasty movements did not help you as you could feel tears forming in your eyes. The heat of the indoors, the anxiety that had built up on your way to her place, the stress from work... everything was hitting you like a wall at once.

"Hey, hey, hey," your best friend ran up behind you, her hands gripping your jacket and helping you tear it off.

As soon as you were free, you threw yourself onto her couch, still panting as if you hadn't been able to breathe normally in the last few hours. You threw your head back against the backrest, closing your eyes to focus. All while Maria was standing still, her eyes trained on you like a hawk, scared to move away.

"Are you gonna throw up?" She asked you. After the call she had received from you merely half an hour ago, she had gotten ready for every emergency possible.

You shook your head, your hand clutching your stomach. "I don't think so."

"I don't think so is not a no," she mumbled to herself, quickly stepping into the open plan kitchen on the other side of the room to get a bucket from underneath the sink. She'd normally use it for cleaning, but it must do for now. As soon as she got back to you, she placed it into your lap, making you sit back up straight.

"Thank you," you breathed out, hugging it tightly to your chest.

A moment of silence washed over the two of you as she just continued to stare at you hovering over the red bucket, ready to hold back your hair the moment you'd start heaving - but it never came. Thankfully.

"Okay," she took a deep breath in, the palm of her hands touching her thighs, letting a slapping sound echo through the room. "So... you know... this could mean a lot of things..." Maria went quiet for a second before continuing carefully, "Two things with the biggest possibility..." watching you carefully, "I mean, for one... you could just have eaten something-"

"It's the second one," you blurred out, still trying to normalise your breathing pattern while dealing with the nauseous feeling that had been haunting you for the past three days, but peaking that day specifically. Right as she started with her theories, you already knew where she was going.

Shortly before getting off work, you had called her in a hurry from the toilet, explaining your sick feeling and the severity of the situation, asking her to answer the door immediately as soon as you'd ring the bell to her apartment. You were terrified of possibly having to throw up on the bus after having to rush to the toilet almost every second hour during your shift in the office. The eyes of nosey co-workers had followed you each time. And her, being the angel of a best friend that she was, kept the door unlocked for the entire 36 minutes that it took you to get to her place, ready to face whatever would happen. What she didn't expect though, was you being already in the clear of your situation.

Her eyes shot open wide. "What? You- why are you so sure about that?"

You lifted your head, a sheepish grin making an appearance on your lips. "Well... we...," you glanced at her, almost giggling at her facial expression if it wasn't for the pressure making its way up your throat. "We haven't really been trying to... prevent something from happening."

"WHAT?!" With a squeal, the woman to your left shot up from the sofa, her hands flying up to cover her mouth after her sudden outburst. "What do you mean? Are you serious?!" You couldn't help but chuckle, holding onto the bucket just a slight bit tighter. "Are you serious, Y/N?!" She repeated her question, slowly sitting down again.

You could only nod.

"GIRL! W- You didn't tell me!" Before even being able to respond, you felt a strike against your upper arm, making you turn to her in surprise, clutching the part she had just hit.

"AH!" You called out, "Hey, I'm trying not to puke all over your couch right now, you can't hit me!"

Maria shook her head, "You- right, I'm sorry- wait, do you really have to throw up?"

"I don't know," you groaned, "I think it's getting better again... but I don't know..."

For a brief moment, she just continued to look at you while you had kept your eyes closed, face forward, just in case something were to escape before you could control it.

"Oh my God...," she whispered quietly. "You really might be pr-"

"We don't know yet," you stopped her quickly. There had been multiple instances in which you had gotten your hopes up (not only during this time), and you were not about to do it again. "Let's not jinx it."

"Y/N...," Maria spoke softly to you, a comforting hand on your back to soothe you. "You stopped taking the pill and have been riding your man like he's the last horse on this planet and-"

Your sudden burst of laughter interrupted her. She was your best friend, of course, she'd remember the multiple times you had talked about your favourite positions.

"What?" She chuckled along with you. Her expression changed within a millisecond as soon as your laughter had turned into a cough, her hands flying up to gather your hair and get it out of your face.

"I'm good," you calmed her down, waving your hand so she'd let go. "I'm good."

"Okay," she nodded, letting your hair back down and scooching over to sit back. "But seriously," her tone made a quick change, but in the next moment, her smirk was back. "You've been going at it like crazy probably," another chuckle came from you. She wasn't wrong, you thought. "And suddenly you start feeling sick and- wait... are you late?"

You turned your head to give her a peak of your shy smirk trying to get hidden by your pressed-together lips. With a scoff, she stood up.

"Alright, that's it, I'm going to the store. I can't stand this-"

"I have three tests in my bag," you remarked making her stop in her tracks on the way into the hallway.

Her eyebrows shot up as her eyes widened, "You- why-" she stopped herself to walk back over to the couch, where your bag was still in the corner. You would've handed it over to her but another wave of nausea hit you.

Maria found all three of them, still standing right in front of you with the boxes in her hands. "Why are you carrying them with you?"

You shrugged. "I don't know... I've been feeling like this for like," you gulped, "a few days, and... I guess it was wishful thinking. A little bit."

"Okay, come on," she was quick to snatch the bucket out of your grip, putting it on the floor before engulfing your hand in hers. "Let's see if you're right."

Carefully, you pushed yourself up with her help, letting her lead you by your hands even though you probably could've done it yourself. But that's just the person she was.

Each step felt heavier than the one before. The fast speed of your beating heart was only adding to the pressure in your throat and stomach and wasn't doing you any good. Not even closing your eyes was helping you anymore and it was almost enough to make you cry.

Finally, arriving in the bathroom, Maria ushered you to sit down on the closed toilet seat while she was unpacking each one of the tests along with their instructions. The entire apartment was quiet as she read through them, only your heavy breathing filled the tilled room. You gulped with almost every second passing.

"Alright," she turned towards you, "You ready? You need something to drink?"

But you only shook your head, leaving her without a distinct answer.

"No as in you're not ready or in you don't need anything to drink?"

You took a deep breath. "I don't know..."

With slow movements, she lowered herself onto the floor, kneeling right in front of you to place a hand on your knees as you brushed your fingers through your hair and out of your face. "You don't have to be nervous. It's okay," she patted your jeans-covered legs. "If you guys have been trying for one then... it's good if it's positive, right?"

A sigh fell from your lips as you met her gaze. "But... I- if it's negative, I'll cry because I'm disappointed and if it's positive, I'll cry because I'm scared. So... either way, I will cry and I don't know if I'm ready for that. For either of those outcomes and... I... I don't know," you rambled out loud, letting all your thoughts spill while she continued to rub a comforting hand up and down your thighs.

"Either way..." she started, making sure that you were still looking at her, "you'll have me for one, and you'll have a wonderful and loving husband waiting for you at home along with the cutest and kindest, most beautiful daughter anyone could ever ask for. And those two love you so much, no matter what those tests are gonna say. If they're negative? Oh well... you'll just get to keep going at it. That's fun too, right?" You couldn't hold back a chuckle, making her smile as well. "And if they're positive, then... you'll step into this new chapter of life that I just know you'll absolutely ace."

With a groan, you clutched your stomach and threw your head back. After a few deep breaths in and trying to continuously gulp down the sick feeling bubbling in your stomach, you looked back down at the woman you get to call your best friend.

You nodded gently. "Okay."

"Okay," she grinned at you, slapping your thighs gently before standing up and walking back over to the sink. "I unpacked them all and put them down here with the instructions. If you need anything, I'm outside, okay?"

You nodded again.

"You sure you don't want anything to drink?"

A confused shrug was your answer. "I don't know. How much pee do I need?"

"Enough for three tests," she glanced back at you, who had stood up to join her by the sink. Her comment made you smile.

"I think I'm good, we'll see." She let that slide as a confirmation.

After another quick nod, followed by a gentle, "Good luck," she left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving you alone in the bathroom.

Right after you were done peeing on all three sticks and lining them up along the counter space of Maria's sink in the bathroom, you let her in again. You went to your designated place on top of the now-closed toilet seat, while she was leaning against the doorframe.

The silence that had washed over you was surprisingly comforting, leaving you to concentrate on your nervous heart and uneven breathing. If you didn't want to talk during the current situation, Maria wasn't going to make you. But there was one more thing you had wanted to get off your chest.

"I also kept the tests in my bag because of Joel," you admitted to her, catching her off-guard.

She scrunched her eyebrows as her head turned towards you. "What do you mean?"

With a swift brush through your hair, you got it out of your face. You sighed. "Ever since we officially decided to, you know, stop with any kind of protection, he- it kinda feels like he's become impatient."

"Impatient? In what way?" She nagged you further, stepping closer towards you.

You shrugged slightly. "I don't know if it's really impatience, but just... like... he wants it to happen so badly."

Maria had turned quiet for a moment, letting your words sink in while your eyes continued to be locked on the sticks on the sink.

She cleared her throat. "Do... do you feel pressured by him to get pregnant?"

"What?!" Your head shot up towards her. "No! No, no, no, it's not like that..." you sighed again, thinking about your next words carefully before they would leave your mouth. "You...," another sigh. "Do you know those people that were just born to be parents? Like, you look at them or- or talk to them, and you think, 'yes, they have to become parents one day, that's what they're made for'?"

"I guess?" She answered.

"Joel's like that," you simply told her. "Joel is the perfect parent. A- And I know that... he wouldn't say that about himself, but he really is. I see it every day with Sarah and even when we talked about having a kid... I could just tell how badly he wanted to have another one. Because he's just perfect for it. And... to think that... maybe, just maybe... I couldn't give him that... absolutely destroyed me." Maria opened her mouth, about to speak again when you stopped her. "Don't get me wrong. I really really want to become a mom too. I mean... again... you know. I have Sarah, of course, and I couldn't ask for a better kid by our side. But I would give anything to be able to have one of my own and... have them in my arms from the very first day that they're born. So, you know, I- I also really want that. But...yeah... I just didn't want him to see the tests and get his hopes up and then suddenly have to be like, 'Oh well, but they're useless because I'm not pregnant, actually'. I'd much rather just have him in the unknown until I, for me, know... that... I'm for sure pregnant."

What you hadn't noticed were the droplets that had escaped your eyes in the middle of your rant, now falling into your lap and forming a small tear stain on your dark jeans. You quickly wiped them away, but since Maria had not been able to take her eyes off of you for the entire time, she had caught on and was already standing in front of you with a piece of toilet paper reaching out for you to take.

"Thanks," you mumbled, taking it from her.

"Listen," she started while you concentrated on not messing up your make-up all too much, wanting to look somewhat decent. "I understand what you mean- I mean... I would probably think differently of the whole kid situation in my current point of life, but I know you, so I get it," she sent a soft smile at you. "But... don't ruin yourself over something like that. The people that were made to become parents will become that. In one way or another. And the way you just described Joel... that's exactly how I, and everyone else, see you." Her comment made you look up at her. "You loved Joel first, and then you accepted his daughter into your life like she was your own. You moved in with them and cared for her like she had just always been there. You are made to be a parent too. And you are the most amazing mom to Sarah, and you'll be the most wonderful mom to a little baby as well. Whether that'll happen in a few months or a few years, doesn't matter."

"I love you," you just simply let those three words fall from your lips as they quivered, gazing at the woman you get to call your best friend. She slyly smiled down at you,

"I love you too, hun."

Before anyone could say anything more, the timer Maria had put on bounced off the walls of the small bathroom, making you hiss in a deep breath. She walked over to the sink to turn it off before glancing back at you.

"Are you ready?" She smirked at you, watching you as you pushed yourself up from the toilet seat, hands tightly secured in front of your stomach.

You nodded. "You look."

"What?" She looked at you with a confused facial expression. "Why me?"

"I'm too nervous," you hastily told her.

"But those are your tests, you do it." She took a step back to make room for you, but you only shook your head.

"No, Maria, please. Please do it."

With a sigh, she went back into her position right in front of the sink while you stayed back. Slowly, her hand reached out to grab the first of the three tests in line. Before she touched it, she flinched back.

"How am I supposed to react?"

You shrugged, tightening your own arms. "I-I don't know... normal?"

Leaving only a sigh between the last word coming from you, and another one dropping from her lips. Without a warning, she reached out and snatched the stick off the surface. Immediately, Maria turned it around to look at it. A poker face was plastered on her face. Too good of a poker face. You couldn't read her. And that only added to the anxiety of the situation.

"What?" All last bits of patience you could've possibly had left in your body vanished right away. Your feet almost carried you over to where she was standing, but the shaking of your legs kept them from it. With the quietness washing over the room, Maria's deep breath felt like the slice of a knife. Sharp.

"...What..." you repeated, your voice much quieter than before. The pounding of your heart had reached your throat, almost making you choke on nothing but air.

Your best friend pressed her lips to a tight line as she lifted her head to meet your waiting eyes. You could only gulp one last time before a wide smile reaching from ear to ear spread on her face.

Maria turned the stick around to let you see. "Congrats, momma."

The situation had calmed down. Somehow. Slightly at least.

After the big news had hit you, you were desperate to look at the other two, only for them to show you the exact same results. Well... three positive pregnancy tests, many tears and a moment of throwing up in her bathroom later, the two of you had found yourself on your friend's couch again. You were clutching onto one of her pillows, gazing into thin air. Maria's voice hit your ear, but your head was anywhere but in the room with you. You couldn't comprehend anything she was saying.

"Hey," a hit to your arm brought you back into the presence.

You snapped your head towards her. "Righ- sorry. Sorry... I...", you cleared your throat.

"Are you okay? Like... mentally right now?"

The nodding of your head, made her sigh in relief. "Y-Yeah... I mean... we've been wanting to do this... for quite a while now, but... it's still a surprise, you know?"

She smiled at you. "I can only imagine."

With a deep breath, you threw the pillow to the side, crouching forward to let your elbows rest on top of your thighs as your head fell into your hands. "Now I need to find an obstetrician... and I need to make an appointment with my gyno. And I have to look for-" The sound of your phone ringing in your bag cut you off.

Maria jumped to her feet to walk over to the dining table, where she had put your stuff to leave more room for you on the sofa. Once she got a hold of your phone, her lips curled up to a sheepish grin.

"Ooh, baby daddy's calling," she chuckled to herself. You shook your head with a smile, reaching out to take the Nokia out of her grip.

"He's more than just the baby daddy, idiot."

You picked up the call. "Hey."

"Hey, darlin', where are you?" Joel's rough voice came through the speaker, warming your heart in an instant.

"I... I'm with Maria. At her place."

"Oh, you- you're meeting up with her today?" He wondered, something rustling in the background.

You cleared your throat, glancing down at your fingers that had subconsciously started to pick at the fabric of the couch, "Yeah... it was... kinda spontaneous. Just a quick get-together after work."

"Okay, okay," you were pretty sure he nodded to himself. "D'you want me to pick you up? If I go now I could be there in 15."

For a quick second, you stopped to think. You could take the bus, technically. It would take longer, but you'd save yourself the anxiety of facing your husband right after you had just found out you were pregnant with his baby and still didn't know how to tell him. Or, you could shut your mouth and stay quiet and enjoy the comfort of Joel's driving skills in his pick-up truck.

"No, it's okay. I'll just- I'm gonna take the next bus in a few minutes."

Before he could say something back, Maria's loud voice echoed through the entire space. "You better come pick up your wife, Miller!"

You were quick to turn around and curse at her, "Shut up!"

Joel's chuckles made you bring your phone back up to your ear. "It's okay, darlin'. I'm on my way. Alright?" You heard a door falling close in the background on his end of the call.

"Joel-"

"I'll be there in a bit. I don't want to get my ass whupped by Maria."

With a whole-hearted chuckle you nodded, "Alright, I love you."

"Love you too, honey," even without seeing his face, you could hear the smile in his voice.

After a good five minutes and a short rant from your best friend about how 'sickeningly cute the two of you are with each other', silence washed the room.

"God...," you mumbled under your breath, "How do I even... how do I tell him?" You looked up at Maria as she came back to the couch, putting down one of the glasses of water she was holding on the coffee table right in front of you. You thanked her quietly before reaching out to grab it.

"I mean," she had joined you back on the couch again, sinking into the softness as she gazed at you, letting her head fall back. "You could just tell him?"

With scrunched eyebrows, you turned to her. "But that's not special."

"Do you need it to be special?"

After a second of keeping quiet to yourself, you shrugged. "A little bit at least, yeah..."

Maria joined you in the thinking process while you continued to sip on your water. You were pregnant. The realisation had hit you as soon as you saw the two lines on all three of the pregnancy tests you took, but you could still not stop letting that one sentence run through your mind. A human was growing inside of you and you'd be responsible for letting that being grow healthily. You'd not only become their parent at some point, but for the next few months, you'd be the only thing protecting them from the outside world. You-

"How about telling Sarah first and then Joel?" Your best friend's voice snapped you back into the present.

You glanced over to her. "I thought about that too... but... I think Joel would want to see her reaction. Same with Tommy."

Maria nodded, "I see."

You could feel your smile widen at the mere thought of getting to share the big news with the entire Miller family. Your husband, for one, but also Tommy and of course the wonderful girl you get to call your step-daughter, or just daughter as Joel had asked you to. After all, she was the reason why you two had even begun the conversation about baby #2.

-Flashback-

"Have you guys ever thought about giving me a sibling?" The surprising question made you stop your fork on the way to your mouth, and with a quick glance over to your partner, you could tell he had stopped mid-chew. His eyebrows were scrunched up in confusion as he eyes his daughter, who was still oblivious about what situation she had just put the two of you into. Sarah continued to eat the food off her plate, but once she noticed the silence between you three, she lifted her head to meet your stunned faces.

"What?" She asked, the food still filling up her mouth.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth," Joel remarked monotonely, forgetting about the potatoes he was still chewing on.

"You're doing the same thing right now," you quietly noted, your eyes only drifting over to him for a millisecond before they were back on Sarah. "W-Why are... why are you wondering... about that?"

The girl shrugged, swallowing her food like her father had told her before she sat up straighter to look at you. "Today in psychology class, we learned that older siblings tend to do better in life and at their workplace. But then I was wondering about how an only child does and... when I looked it up, it said that only children are usually harder to put up with and statistically don't have it as good as people who grew up with younger siblings," she explained, before adding, "They're also less likely to achieve higher positions in their field."

"Jesus Christ, you're 15 years old, you shouldn't be worrying about work already," Joel cursed under his breath, but still loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I'm not worrying about work exactly. Just life in general. My teacher explained it very well to us, and it makes sense that kids who grow up as the oldest sibling would do better in life because of the experiences they gain over their lifetime with a younger sibling," Sarah continued her speech.

There were times were you were truly wondering how she could sound like someone so much older than just 15. Just like right at that moment. The girl you had known for over six years, who you had gotten to see grow up right before your eyes, watching in awe as you could see little mannerisms of Joel's in her with each year she got older, had suddenly turned into a young adult. While you were hoping she could keep her child-like energy and innocence for as long as possible, you couldn't help but be immensely proud of the woman she was slowly becoming. And it suddenly just hit you.

"Well," you started, gaining her attention. She was old enough for you to hold up an adult conversation with her, you had decided. If she was asking questions, you would be giving her answers.

'More children' was definitely a conversation Joel and you had stumbled across from time to time. It was almost impossible not to. But both of you had decided that you'd realise when the time was right. He wasn't necessarily old, and you had only just turned 26 that year, so why rush into it? Joel had become a father younger than he had expected he would, back then, and yet he enjoyed every second he got to be a dad with a daughter like Sarah. But that didn't mean he would want to put you in the same position and make you a younger mother when that might not even be something you had wanted. You being in college, and wanting to finish it, had also pushed back all plans of seriously talking about expanding your family. But at some point, you'd have to. And it seemed like that moment had just arrived.

You cleared your throat. "Having kids... is something you really really have to think about. Like... very very carefully, and seriously. You can't just decide from one day to another that you're going to have a baby," Sarah listened closely to every word falling from your lips, "Children, especially young ones, need a lot of attention and time and patience and... you know, just a lot at once. And... your dad and I are both people that work quite a lot, so... there... there hasn't really been the... opportunity for us to... think that there's a good time to have another kid." Your daughter nodded, her eyes falling back on her plate.

"But," you started again, making her head shoot up, almost letting a chuckle escape from your lips. "There's still time. We're in no rush." Telling her the exact same things Joel and you had said to each other. Speaking of, the man opposite of you had decided to stay suspiciously quiet for the entirety of your conversation.

"I guess," Sarah told you, "But you're not getting any younger."

Her comment to you aback. "Excuse me?" You chuckled.

"I mean," she was quick to react, "you're still young. Don't get me wrong." Before turning to her father on her right. "But you-"

"I'm 37," Joel spoke up, not even letting her finish her statement. His eyebrows were still scrunched together in his typical fashion. "That's not old."

Another shrug came from the girl as she sighed. "Maybe not to you, but in Biology we learned that-"

"Alright," your husband raised his hands in defence. "Look, like mom said. It's a difficult topic. It's something that needs to be discussed between adults before deciding-"

"I'm an adult," your daughter interfered.

"Between the adults that would be the parents of the child." Not even commenting on her notice. His argument seemed to have done it for her. Sarah nodded to herself and continued to eat the rest of her food like nothing had happened. Unlike you, who had suddenly lost her appetite, another conversation tickling the tip of your tongue, but you decided to stay quiet. For now.

After the meal, the girl had excused herself from the table, letting you know she'd be upstairs doing the last bits of her homework. Joel and you had started to work on clearing the table of the plates and pots you had used. Your husband had continued to keep his mouth closed, not even daring to open it and talk about something else for the rest of the dinner. Up until now, since you were about to change that.

"Can I ask you something?" You wondered as you made your way into the kitchen, bringing along every plate and piece of cutlery Sarah, Joel, and you had used for dinner. Your husband was busy loading the dishwasher but made sure to look up as you handed everything over to him.

"'Course," he answered, continuing to do his part of the work in the kitchen.

You stopped opposite of him, resting your lower back against the counter behind you, watching him bend down to put everything in the right slot and place it in the dishwasher.

"What did you really think about what Sarah said? About the having a sibling thing..." There was no way to ease him into the conversation, you had realised. But his quietness had not left your worrying mind ever since his last statement at the dinner table.

"Having another kid?" He asked, to which you nodded. Your bottom lip had already started to feel numb, the biting down cutting off any blood from flowing. "With you?"

Your eyebrows scrunched up suddenly, your teeth releasing your lip at the same time. His question hit you like a truck. With your arms crossed in front of your chest, you answered him,

"Preferably... yeah? What kind of question is that? Do you have other ideas?"

Joel simply shrugged, "Not in the near future, no." He closed the dishwasher and raked himself up with a soft groan before slowly scooting closer to you to capture you by wrapping his arm around your waist.

"Good," you told him, not even moving an inch at his touch, letting him know what his question had done to you.

"I was joking," he smiled down at you, leaning in closer to place a kiss on your cheek. "Of course, it would be with you, darlin'."

"It better," you let him know, getting a chuckle out of him. Yet, you didn't uncross your arms, keeping them as a barrier between your bodies. "So?" You followed up.

He suddenly sighed, leaning back again to meet your eyes. His hands were kept on your waist, his thumbs slowly rubbing up and down against your shirt that was covering your skin. "I gotta be honest with you, darlin'. The last person I want to talk about when or if I'm going to sleep with my wife and impregnate her would be my own daughter."

"Joel!" You gasped, freeing your arms to smack his upper arm. "That was NOT what the conversation was about!"

"That was exactly what the conversation was about! Why would she even wonder about stuff like that? She's a kid, she shouldn't-"

"She was just asking about a sibling! And she's barely a kid."

"She's 15, that's a kid."

"Joel-"

"She's in school, so she's a kid."

"And what if she's in her senior year? Or college?"

"Still a kid."

"Honey-"

"Please," he stopped you, placing his hands on your shoulders, "You know I'm not good with that stuff."

You chuckled, shaking your head and patting his right hand, "Yeah, I could tell by how quiet you suddenly got."

With a groan, he took a step back, his backside hiding the counter on your left. He let his palm run over his face, taking a few deep breaths. All you could do was watch him in slight amusement.

"Why d'you think I asked you to give her the talk?"

You couldn't hold back a laugh, covering your mouth to at least hide it slightly, "Oh, I remember." And what a memory that was. Joel calling you in panic after he had taken a glance over his daughter's shoulder while she was deep in thought on her Biology homework. Only to come to sight with the illustrations of reproductive organs in her book.

As amusing as the memory was, his current state made you wonder. "But is this more about you freaking out about Sarah wanting a sibling or her being grown-up enough to talk to us about something like this?"

"But she's not grown-up enough, that's the thing," he tried to argue, confirming your concern.

"But she is, honey," you sent him a sad smile, taking a step forward to touch his arm in comfort.

Another hand of his came up to run through his hair in frustration. His deep breaths hadn't stopped. You reached out to touch his cheek, the short hair of his beard tickling your palm. Before you could say anything, Joel beat you to it.

"You know I'd give you all the children in the world that you could possibly want. Whenever you want them," the desperation in his words made you laugh out loud as you steadied yourself by his arm, letting your forehead fall against his shoulder.

"I'm serious," he added before you felt the soft touch of his lips on the top of your head.

You let go to look back up at him. "And that was what the conversation was about. You just suddenly turned it into a Dad crisis."

"Can you blame me? Our 15-year-old daughter just explained to us the psychological benefits of growing up with younger siblings, basically telling us that if we don't give her one, she ain't gonna do well in her future job. At 15?! How am I supposed to react to this?" His voice was still laced with frustration, making your amusement only harder to hide.

"I know," you chuckled, sighing out in relief. "She's going places."

"Thank God," he breathed out, wrapping his right arm around your shoulder to keep you close. You followed by throwing your arm around his torso, cuddling into his side. His other arm came around you as well, pulling you just a tad bit closer, his lips back against the side of your head.

"I was serious about the kid thing, though," he softly spoke.

"Hm?" You hummed, not wanting to break the comfort you were wrapped in. His hand travalled up to tangle his fingers through your hair, pulling at it just a bit to make you move your head, so he could meet your gaze once again.

"However many you want, whenever you want them."

"Really?"

Joel nodded. "I'm ready. It's all up to you. Because you know," he sighed, "as you just heard from our Miss Professor, I'm not getting any younger and 37 is quite old-" you interrupted him with a chuckle, which was too contagious for him to fight against. His chest vibrated as he joined you. For a moment, the two of you enjoyed your synchronised laughter before Joel turned on his serious voice again.

"But, I mean it. I already did all of the... no sleep 'cause of constant crying, diaper changes, throw up and poop everywhere," he continued to list off all things you could possibly relate to having a baby. All while you couldn't even dare to take your eyes off the pretty brown-eyed man in your arms. He didn't even meet your eyes until his last comment, "And I'm ready to do it all over again. With you." Joel smiled down at you. "We're financially stable enough to have a little one. We have an extra room." He shrugged, "I don't see why not." A kiss on your forehead ended his ment. "It's all up to you, darlin'. Whenever you're ready."

-Flashback End-

You had started working on baby #2 that night, even if you were still on the pill. 'Practice makes perfect' as Joel said.

"But I think I have an idea," you told her with a smile, which Maria could only copy as she watched you almost daydreaming about telling them.

"Well then," she grinned at you, scootching closer to sit right next to you. "How are you gonna do it?"

Two weeks had already passed since you found out you were pregnant. Way too quickly for your liking. Ever since the two lines of each of the three pregnancy tests had looked at you, there was hardly anything else that was occupying your mind as much as this. The drive away from Maria's place back to your shared house with Joel was torture already. You were able to dispose of the tests at your best friend's apartment, too scared that your partner might accidentally find them in your bag or later on in the trash. But you couldn't throw away the knowledge of his baby growing inside of you while he sat next to you in complete oblivion. And it haunted you. Hiding it became harder every single day. Whether it was because of your sudden emotional outbursts that you had to try to hold back as best as you could, or the sick feeling that kept you up at night or would wake you up early in the morning. Thankfully, the actual throwing up had kept itself to a limit, not raising any suspicion, as far as you knew, but the paleness of your skin that would show how you were truly feeling, was most definitely something Joel had caught up to. Each night, he'd ask when you'd go to see a doctor, almost taking a day off work to drive you to one personally, but you had been able to keep him from doing so, faking a doctor's appointment and coming back with the news of 'it's only the flu, apparently something's going around right now'.

Therefore, you would've thought the day of telling him coming near would make you happy and feel fulfilled, but the anxiety came back and hit you like a wall.

Because suddenly it was Friday, the 23rd of December, and you were on your way home from work. Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve, the day you had decided you'd want to tell Joel the news. And right after that Christmas Day, on which you had planned to let the future big sister know. As Tommy was out of state for the weekend, you'd be surprising him with the pregnancy news once he was back, which gave you a bit more time to think about how you'd go about it.

But your plan for telling the two other Millers was already in the works. The cake for Joel was tightly in your grip, having to balance it with one arm as you tried to unlock the front door to your house. It was only 2PM, which meant that Sarah was still at school for at least another two hours, and your husband wouldn't be home until around 7PM, just as usual.

The young girl's present was in your bag that you had put down on one of the chairs by the dining table before you placed the carton box holding the cake on top of the kitchen counter. When you finally freed yourself from everything you had been holding onto, you let a big sigh fall from your lips.

For a short moment, you let yourself enjoy the quiet peace. You still had enough time to do everything on your imaginary list. Put on the dishwasher, do the laundry that was supposed to be done yesterday, hide Joel's cake in the extra fridge in the garage, as well as Sarah's present, and then you'd get to finish looking through the documents you'd have to send to your boss before you could let yourself get fully immersed in the Christmas holiday.

Turning on the dishwasher was easy, almost everything was inside, you only added the two cups of coffee you and Joel had left in the sink that morning.

The wrapping paper you had chosen for Sarah's gifts that year peaked out of your bag, reminding you to hide the present - the book you had bought her. During your shift on the day before, you used the computer at work to look for books that would fit a 15-year-old sister-to-be and found one called 'The Diary Of An Older Sister', which was a type of autobiography talking about the ups and downs of being the oldest sister in a family. You had found it fitting for the teenager as you knew she would be more than excited to finally have a sibling, but she was also old enough to be met with the possible downsides and just reality checks of not being an only child anymore. You had picked it up from your local bookstore downtown before you made your way home.

Next, the laundry. After walking up the stairs, you first decided to rid yourself of the business casual clothing you had to wear for your job, optioning for some sweatpants and a simple black long-sleeved shirt. As it was on the tighter side, you dared to take a quick look in the mirror in your shared bedroom. You turned to the side. If somebody didn't know you, they wouldn't even know a baby was growing inside of you because there was no bump yet to be seen. Or at least not one that you couldn't still blame on bloating. Well, there was still time. And you didn't yet know how far even you were into your pregnancy.

You had called your gynaecologist the day after you had found out. But, much to your dismay but not surprise, the were barely any available spots left in the very near future. They had given you the option of booking an appointment with another doctor, but you had opted to just wait out the three weeks and come in then. So, you'd find out more details in the upcoming week, when Joel would be able to join you.

In your bedroom, you threw the clothes you had worn into the hamper before taking it downstairs with you and into the garage, where your washing machine and dryer were. You threw everything into the machine before you opened the cabinet above it, where you'd usually keep your laundry detergent, only to be met with emptiness.

...How could you have forgotten about running out of detergent? You through to yourself. An annoyed sigh fell from your lips. You let your eyes glide over each cabinet that you opened but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. You cursed under your breath.

You could go to the store after hiding the presents neatly, but the perfectionist in you was desperate to check off each thing as it was listed. One after the other. So, there was only one other option you had.

Back in your kitchen, you started to look for a measuring cup, thankful that after Joel had unloaded the dishwasher only a few days earlier, he had put it exactly where it was supposed to be, making you find it quickly. Then, with your coat and shoes back on, you made your way outside into the cold, rushing over to the house on the left. To your neighbours, the Adlers. A wonderful older couple, who had moved in with the woman's mother due to her old age and worsening health. They had always been kind and generous to you and your family, even if slightly weird, but what older couple wasn't just a tad bit strange. You found them endearing.

After a knock on the door and only a few seconds of waiting, their front door opened to reveal the woman you were looking for.

"Oh, Y/N, dear! Come in, come in," Mrs. Adler ushered you inside, not even asking for the reason for your visit. "It's so cold outside, my God," she commented with a smile as you nodded.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing you, Misses Adler-" you started but she stopped you, making her way into the kitchen and telling you to follow her.

"Oh please, stop it. You know we're always happy to see you."

Even at their age, the couple impressed you with the Christmas decorations they put up each year. A big pine tree was placed in the living room, similar to yours, only that they had optioned for a traditional red, white, and gold theme. Through the hallway, they had put up garlands on the walls as well as candles and little wooden reindeer figures on their accent tables.

In the kitchen, you were met with the woman's husband and her mother at their breakfast corner.

"Look, Connie, Y/N decided to come over." Mr. Adler welcomed you in his typical Texanian accent, "How are you, sweetheart?"

"Hi everyone," you greeted them kind smile. "I've been good, thank you. And you?"

"As good and thankful as one can be," he told you.

"Sorry for the mess right now, we're doing some last-minute baking," the older woman spoke as she took her place behind the kitchen island. Only then, you noticed the flower stains on her apron.

You chuckled, "Don't worry, I get it. Our kitchen looked so much worse after we did our baking." And it wasn't even a lie.

"So, what brings you here, dear?" Mrs. Adler wondered, getting back to using her cookie cutters and pressing them into the dough she had rolled out.

"Right," you cleared your throat, "I'm really sorry for asking you like this, but I- ehm... I just realised that we don't have any laundry detergent anymore, and- I really don't know how I could forget buying new one because-"

"Oh, you can just borrow ours, hold on a second," the elderly woman didn't even let you finish your sentence before she was already rushing out of the room. You heard some shuffling around as you followed her and got closer to their small laundry room. Suddenly, she popped back out, a full bottle of fresh detergent in her hand.

"You can just take this, we haven't used it yet."

But you stopped her, "Oh no no no, I don't need the entire thing, I'd only need like-"

"Honey, take the bottle, it's fine, we have enough."

"Mrs. Adler, it's okay, I'll go to the store tomorrow and get-"

"Tomorrow? On Christmas Eve? Are you insane? Only crazy people go shopping tomorrow. Please, just take it," she interrupted you once again, pushing the full container into your hands and brushing past you to walk back into the kitchen.

"But I-"

She stopped to turn around, placing both of her hands on your upper arms, "Joel and you have done so much for us, and you guys never let us repay you, please just take it, love. It's just detergent."

You sighed and gave in, "Alright," you chuckled with a shake of your head. "Thank you, Misses. Adler."

"Of course," she smiled at you, making her way back again. You joined her, stopping in the doorframe to say your goodbye.

"Merry Christmas. And thank you again."

Mister Adler stopped helping his mother-in-law with her food to turn to you, "Merry Christmas, Y/N."

"Tell Joel and Sarah a Merry Christmas from us too!" The older woman called out as you made your way out again.

"I will!" Was the last thing you said to them before closing the door and walking down the steps, when you stopped in your tracks. Your eyes fell on the familiar pickup truck in your driveway.

Confused, you got back to your place, opening the front door before you spoke up, "Joel?" Your voice echoed through the living space when his head suddenly showed up from the walk-through into the kitchen.

"Oh, there you are. Where were you?"

You took off your shoes and jacket, putting them into their right place before joining him. "We didn't have any laundry detergent. I asked the Adlers for some." Showing him the bottle you were carrying.

"Some?" He chuckled as he saw the entire container.

You shook your head in amusement, "I asked for a bit. Misses Adler gave me the entire thing."

"'Course she did," Joel mumbled under his breath with a smile, already used to her style. "By the way," he walked over to the counter, making you stop as you were on your way to the garage to continue the laundry journey. "I didn't know you were gonna pick up a cake for Christmas, but I think you got the wrong one, darlin'."

Every last drop of colour immediately evaporated from your face.

Oh no.

"I mean it's funny. But it ain't a Christmas cake." With a chuckle, he opened the box, "'Congrats on Number 2, Dad'," he read out the icing letters on top of the baked good.

"No, no, no," you rushed over into the kitchen, repeating the word over and over again, putting the detergent and measuring cup on the counter before pushing Joel out of the way. You closed your eyes to take a deep breath, your hands coming up to hide your face. A huff of frustration escaped your lips. All while your husband continued to stand there in confusion. "No, you weren't supposed to see this. Well, not until tomorrow at least- UGH," Running a hand hastily through your hair as your eyes were locked on the cake. You had been so proud of yourself for coming up with an idea like that, especially when the bakery accepted your request and promised you to make it as pretty as they possibly could. And they most definitely kept their word.

"It's okay," he chuckled, his warm hand coming up to brush over your back. "It's the wrong one, anyway. We can go pick up the right one."

"No, this is the right one!" You called out in frustration.

With a confused look on his face, he looked down at you as you placed your forehead against his chest, dreading to look up at him.

This was not how you had planned it. It was supposed to be sweet and romantic. At night. With candles. When it would be just the two of you sitting in the living room, wrapping up Sarah's presents together just like you did every year. You'd bring him the cake to open as an 'early Christmas gift'. He'd see it and be happy. Hopefully.

But all of that just fell into the toilet in an instant.

"Can you just pretend you didn't see it?" Your sudden sobs against his chest, made Joel pull you back to look up at him. His concerning eyes met yours that were filled with tears, daring to spill and ruin your cheeks any second.

"See what, darlin'? I don't even know what you mean," he spoke softly to you, his thumbs coming up to catch the first tear that rolled down your cheek. "Number 2 in what? Did Sarah say you're her Number 1 and I'm Number 2? I already know that." His comment made you chuckle just slightly, making his lips curl up at his somewhat successful try at making you laugh. "You got me a cake for that?"

"No," you whined out with a hurtful laugh. Your sniffling only made his adoring eyes look deeper into yours as his hands cradled your face, trying to look for the reason for your tears.

"Then what is it?"

You gulped. "They... I'm congratulating you on Number 2, Dad." You didn't want to just spill the news onto him, but would much rather have him figure it out. It was only now that you realised, the wording you had chosen was clearly not as good as you had found it at first.

"But number 2 of what?" He wondered again. Joel was anything but an innocent soul. He had proven that multiple times already. But good God, you could've kissed the living heck out of him for his wonderful pure oblivion at that very moment.

With one last deep breath, you wrapped your arms around his waist, gazing up into those sweet and warm brown eyes that have given you so much comfort over the past few years. You knew you had found the one. Of course, you had already married him and had been living with him and Sarah for multiple years now, but this man was the only one you'd want to wake up next to forever. And forever was quite a while. The only man you could ever love that much. The only man you could ever imagine having a baby with. And now you'd get to finally tell him.

"A baby, Joel," you gently whispered, knowing he'd hear you clearly as no other sounds were disturbing you two.

You could see the very moment your words had registered in his mind. When his big eyes suddenly widened even more, his eyebrows shooting up, the lines on his forehead now more visible than before, and his mouth parting just slightly. A breath hissed through his lips as he gasped quietly. Trying to hold back your smile was long forgotten and as soon as you could see his eyes turning glassier than before, it was over for you.

"W-What?" He whispered back at you. "A... a baby... you mean-" Joel stopped himself, clearly unsure of even letting the words come through his own lips.

"I'm pregnant," you smiled up at him, your arms tightening around his torso, pulling yourself closer to him. Not only could you see his breathing immediately speeding up, but you could also feel it. Feel the way his fingers stopped gliding over your cheeks, and his entire body almost melting into your embrace.

Never would he have dared to take his eyes off of you for even just a short second at that moment. Not even blinking.

He gulped. "Are you serious?"

With a tight smile, trying to hold back your own tears, just like you could tell he was doing, you nodded. "Baby number 2 for you."

"You're not fucking with me?" Still, in clear disbelief, he continued to question you.

You shook your head.

"You're really pregnant?"

Another nod followed as an answer.

Before you could even say anything more, Joel surprised you with the strength of his arms that wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest as tightly as he possibly could. You could feel the deep breath he took, only to release a shaky one, letting you know, he had given in to the emotions, breaking your damm finally as well. Instantly, a wet patch formed on his dark sweatshirt, soaking up the tears that were spilling from your eyes.

Your partner didn't even try to hold back his own. Hiding his face in your hair, you could hear his soft sniffles right by your ear.

"You're really not messin' with me right now, are ya?" He spoke, his voice rough with emotion as he continued to hold you as tightly as his most prized possession.

You chuckled with a sniffle, "No, I'm serious."

The sudden kiss on your cheek made you giggle, the feeling of his beard tickling your skin.

"I love you so much," each word was followed by a kiss to your face, going from your cheek to your temple, down to your jawline, and your nose until he finally reached your lips. The smile you couldn't wipe off your lips made it hard for you to kiss him back, but it only made him grin even wider.

With a deep breath in, he freed your lips, his hands still holding onto your cheeks, making your eyes meet immediately. Just smiling at each other with the biggest grins on your faces made you already giggle again. God, this man was truly able to just make you feel as loved as anybody possibly could.

Joel leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours to let his eyes fall close for just a second. He took a second to enjoy the moment.

"God," he sighed out loud, "I love you." Going back to attacking your cheeks and lips with kisses, making you giggle once again.

"Just because I'm pregnant?" You teased him, laughing at his antics as your hands came up to hold onto his wrists that were still close to your face.

Your partner raised his head to meet your gaze. His lips curled up before the next words even came from his mouth. "Say that again," he whispered, leaning back in closer.

"What?" You wondered, "That I'm pregnant?"

He nodded. "Hell yeah, you are." A smug smile now decorated his face before he let your lips touch once again. This time, you were able to give in, letting your mouths move against each other as neither one of you wanted to break the kiss. But all good things must come to an end. You were the first to lean back, the last smack echoing through the quiet room.

Once Joel got to look at you again, his thumbs found their way back to brushing away the last few tears that were escaping the corners of your eyes. You copied him, letting your right hand come up to his face, wiping away the tear stains that were left on his cheeks. Oh, how thankful you were to have a man like him by your side.

More or less subconsciously, his palms ran down your body, stopping right at your stomach as he looked down. He chuckled to himself before sniffling one last time.

"Is that why you've been feeling so sick the past few days?" Joel's head came up again to look at you, but your eyes had never left him.

You nodded with a chuckle, now having to brush away your own last tears. "Yeah..."

"When did you find out?" He wondered.

"The evening when I went over to Maria's. When you picked me up," you explained.

Joel straightened his back. "That was weeks ago."

"Two, yeah..." You started to look around for some tissues you may have had left in the kitchen, desperately wanting to blow your nose after the emotional session the two of you had just shared.

"God..." he sighed, running a hand over his face. His eyes continued to just gaze at you, almost making you shy with the way he kept on looking at you. "You've kept it a secret for that long?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at the truth you had kept from him. "Well... technically, I had the feeling for a bit before I did the tests at Maria's place. But I wasn't sure and that day, I just... I felt so disgusting and I couldn't stop throwing up at work, so I-"

"You should've called me," he told you, going back to cradling your cheek in his palm. You held onto his wrist, leaning into his touch with a smile.

"But I already kinda knew what was going on and I wanted to surprise you with it." You sighed, "And well," looking to your left, his hand fell in the action as your eyes found the cake on the counter. "That fell through."

"No, darlin'," his chuckle warmed your heart as he got closer again, his fingers reaching to touch your cheek, making you turn your head straight again. He leaned down to kiss you softly, only leaning back enough to be able to talk while your lips continued to touch. "It's still the most incredible surprise I could ever ask for." Ending his comment with a hard, yet loving full kiss that you reciprocated, when he decided he had one more thing to add. "But I gotta be honest with you, sweetheart," making you look up at him. "If you were expecting me to get the 'Congrats on number 2, dad'...," he shook his head with a tight grin, "you're thinking too highly of me. You're the smart one in the relationship."

A smack to his chest made him only chuckle more as he captured your hand into his. "Stop that," you admonished him. "I realised too late that... that was not how you deliver that message. So not really smart of me either." Making him laugh and pull you into another tight hug, swaying from side to side in glee.

You grinned into the loving embrace, "I love you." Your voice was muffled by his sweatshirt, but he had heard you clearly.

Joel smiled down at you, "I love you too," giving you another peck. "So much." And another.

After a few more kisses were exchanged, as well as just grinning and smiling at each other like the biggest two idiots in love, you had found yourself in a comfortable conversation again. With his arms still around you and yours tightly holding onto him, just standing in the kitchen.

"How are we gonna tell, Sarah?" Joel threw the question into the room before sighing with a chuckle. "Jesus... that girl has been waiting for that moment for months, hasn't she?"

"Yeah," you laughed along with him, nodding your head, and brushing it against his chest. "I already have an idea though."

"Oh yeah?" He let you lean back to meet his awaiting eyes. "What?"

That night was spent wrapping Sarah's gifts for the 25th, you showing Joel what you had bought for her and him tearing up once again at the realisation that not only would he be becoming a father for a second time, but also his little daughter would finally become an older sister. And, most importantly, you had started your journey into motherhood from zero on. You got a taste of it when you joined the Miller household, but as pregnancy was the usual first step into becoming a parent, it was a big and exciting time, and your partner was ecstatic about being able to share this with you.

After you had managed to hide your daughter's presents in the same place you'd usually put them, you still managed to surprise Joel with what you had originally planned. Candles and the cake. Even though he already knew about what it said and the news wasn't new to him anymore, you better bet he played into the role and acted out his excitement almost as well as if it was the first time he had heard you say it. His over-exaggeration earned him a few gentle hits to his chest, that quickly turned into a make-out session on the couch, both of you having to remind yourself of the teenager one floor above you that could literally walk out of her room at any point.

Within a blink of an eye, Sunday had arrived and the sun shining into your bedroom, hitting your face, woke you up on the 25th. One look at your nightstand let you know that it was already past 9am, and confusion washed over you as you were surprised by the lack of a loud teen, banging on your door, telling you to get up and get downstairs. With a groan you turned around, only to be more confused. Your husband's side of the bed was empty. It wasn't totally out of the ordinary for him to wake up before you, but it was unusual for it to happen on a Saturday. And you not waking up in the process was even weirder.

As it was already late enough, you decided to start your day and get out of bed. The unknown of where your partner was and why you hadn't gotten woken up yet was also tickling your fingertips, impatiently wanting to know the reasoning behind it.

As soon as you stood up, you were hit with your full bladder hurting your stomach, making you waddle over to the door of your bedroom and opening it, ready to head over to the bathroom, when laughter from downstairs stopped you. It was the familiar high-pitched laughter of your daughter, followed by the warm voice of your husband echoing from the kitchen. So that's where they were, you smiled to yourself before turning left to go to the toilet first.

With your business finished and a cardigan you took out of the closet to cover your bare arms with, you walked down the stairs to join the two Millers who already seemed busy in the kitchen.

"Hey Mom," Sarah stopped to look at you as she had just put down the last plate on the dining table.

"Good morning," the moment you noticed your voice still laced with sleep, you cleared your throat.

"Mornin', honey," your husband greeted you, smiling at your dishevelled form. With slow steps, you walked over to the kitchen, stopping right next to Joel, who was filling up three glasses of orange juice as per your daughter's request.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" You asked him, taking two of the glasses that were already filled to bring them over to the table.

"You were pretty deep into your sleep, didn't want to wake you," he explained, taking the third glass with him to join you and Sarah, who had already taken a seat. "Plus," he continued, nodding towards the teenager on his right. "This one woke me up."

A tight smile formed on her face as she pressed her lips together. "Sorry. I dropped something."

"Scared the shit out of me," Joel commented, putting his fork into the pancakes on his plate.

"It was only a mug," Sarah explained, almost rolling her eyes at the exaggeration of her dad.

With scrunched eyebrows, you looked down at your plate. "How did that not wake me up?" You wondered out loud, making your partner chuckle.

He placed his hand on your thigh, "Guess you really need your sleep right now, huh?" Winking at you, unbeknownst to your daughter, who had gotten up again to get the maple syrup her father had forgotten to put on the table. You nudged his knee with a chuckle and a shake of her head, hoping Sarah didn't catch anything of the not-so-subtle hint he had thrown at you.

The rest of breakfast was spent rather peacefully. The teenager wondered about when Tommy would be back to celebrate the next round of Christmas with him, as well as when you'd be making your way to the grandparents in the next few days. You had almost forgotten about that. And the thought of walking into such a family get-together in the state that you were currently in, whether you'd decide to tell them right away or wait for at least the first ultrasound, would be absolutely nerve-wracking for you. But you decided to let future-you worry about that, or at least push the thought back for another day, because there were more important tasks to get through on this very day.

You could already feel your heart beating harder with each step you took closer into the living room where the presents, neatly wrapped by you and Joel were already waiting for Sarah.

While she had found her usual spot on the floor, right next to the tree, you and your partner cuddled up on the sofa, your gazes already on the girl, who was looking down at the small pile with big eyes. Joel, if needed, was ready to spoil his little girl rotten. Truly, as much as he could possibly give her, he would. But he also knew what kind of person he'd be raising if he were to actually do that.

Therefore, from an early age on, he decided for himself to give her just enough. Enough presents to make her happy, but never an abnormous amount to let her be ungrateful for the little things in the future. It was one of the things you had admired about him back then and continued to do so even now.

The teenager went through one after the other, opening all of them carefully. With each package, her smile only got wider and wider. Even at the age of 15, Joel and you let her write a letter for Christmas and leave it on the coffee table. Only now, that she was older, it was no longer addressed to Santa Claus but ended with a

'I'll be grateful for whatever you get me. Thank you, love you guys <3'

handwritten by the girl. You knew she'd be thankful for everything you could get her, but her lists were never astronomically long, so fulfilling each one of her wishes wasn't hard for Joel and you. You knew how grateful you had to be to have such a kind-hearted blessing of a child right by your side.

Only that this year, she'd get one more extra present that she hadn't mentioned in her letter.

Just as she was about to get up from the floor, ready to give each one of you a hug and say 'thank you' for the hundredth time, you stopped her and pointed to the last present, you had hidden slightly behind the tree.

"There's one more."

Her eyes followed your fingers before finding the small package you had mentioned. She crouched down to get it from the back, straightening her back with the confused look on her face that she most definitely inherited from her father.

"But I already got everything off the list," she looked back at the two of you.

You smiled at her. "It's something extra. Just a little something."

"What is it?" She wondered, shaking it and bringing it up to her ear, noticing that nothing was moving.

"How are we supposed to know. Santa got you that," Joel commented with a straight face, getting a chuckle from you in return. Sarah, on the other end, glanced at him with a roll of her eyes.

"Ha ha," she mimicked a fake laugh, making Joel sigh.

"I tried."

His hand started brushing up and down your arm in comfort as soon as he saw your fingers playing with a loose string on your cardigan. He knew you were nervous. God, he was too, but he was much better at hiding it.

Sarah ripped the wrapping paper off, putting it to the side where she had collected all of the rest. As she was holding her present upside down, she turned it around.

"Oh, a book!" She called out, her lips curling up into a smile.

"What's the title?" Joel nagged, making you grin.

The girl's eyes glided over the front page. "'The Diary Of An Older Sister'," she read out loud, "Sounds interesting. Thank you!" She looked back at you with a big smile on her lips.

You could only copy her expression, intertwining your fingers tightly with each other. "I thought it might be helpful," you mentioned.

"Helpful?" Sarah wondered, turning her full body around to look straight ahead at the two of you. "For what? I'm not a big sister."

If you weren't as anxiety-ridden as you were right at that moment, you would've been grateful for her catching up on the hint much faster than her father did with his.

"Well," Joel stared, not able to hold back a grin himself, "In a few months you will be."

The girl scoffed with scrunched eyebrows, "But mom's not pregnant," she simply said, before a different thought hit her right the next second. Her gaze switched sharply towards you. "Or are you?" Before you could even answer her, she shot up to her feet. "ARE YOU?!" She called out.

You couldn't help but giggle at her reaction as she kept on repeating the question in her high-pitched voice.

"ARE YOU?! ARE YOU REALLY?!"

Biting down on your lip to stop yourself from continuing your laughter, you nodded at her.

"OH MY GOD!" She shouted out, now also getting a chuckle out of Joel. "REALLY?!" Her mind was still not settling on whether your answer was true or not.

"Yeah," you nodded, "I'm pregnant," and finally announced, getting a sudden squeal from the teenager in return as she ran up to you. Her hand quickly found yours, pulling you to stand up as well, her squealing continuing as she engulfed you in a tight hug. With a warm smile on your lips, you wrapped your arms around her as she started to sway you. But she broke the sweet moment when she took a step back all of a sudden.

"Are you really not messing with me?" She continued to ask, her hands balled into fists in excitement. "Are you serious?" Her gazes switched between you and Joel, waiting for each one of you to confirm it yet again.

"Why do both of you think I'd be lying about this," you chuckled at the situation you had with your husband merely two days ago repeating itself again.

"So you're really pregnant?" Sarah wondered, her eyes already as big as they could possibly be. The familiar glass film covering her lenses, just like they did with you and her dad as well.

"Yeah," you told her quietly, nodding excitedly when another squeal of hers echoed through the room. She rushed back over to you, making you stumble back slightly when she threw her arms around you again. With your arm looping around her, you pulled her in closer, if that was even possible, kissing the side of her head as you teared up. It felt like only yesterday when you had to kiss the top of her head as she was still smaller than you. Way too quickly had she grown up into a beautiful girl, you couldn't be any happier to let your little one have as an older sister.

While the two of you continued to just stand still, clinging onto each other, your husband clearing his throat from next to you, made you look back. He had gotten up from the couch with a soft groan - his back wasn't getting any better. "Well, I guess my job's done here."

Sarah loosened her grip around you, only to roll her eyes with a dramatic sigh. With a smile, she stepped closer to her dad, who was already waiting for her with open arms. His lips curled up as soon as she was in his embrace. Lowering his head, he placed a few soft kisses on her hair before he reached one arm out, ushering for you to get closer. He had noticed the tears you were wiping away, smiling sweetly at you.

Joel pulled you in swiftly. Your arms immediately went around the girl's body while your husband kept his hand on your back, going back to rubbing circles on it as you gazed up at him, the smile never even daring to leave your lips.

"Thank you," Sarah suddenly spoke up. "I promise, I'll be the best big sister ever."

You and your partner chuckled at each other, Joel taking a deep breath as he saw more tears falling from your eyes.

"We know that, baby girl," he quietly told her, his free hand brushing over her hair, pulling her in just a bit closer to let his cheek rest upon her head.

Let the journey of 'baby on the way' officially start.

joel taglist: @corvusmorte @aniia-x3 @skysmiller

pedro taglist: @leslieelainetrask @taylorgracies

#Joel miller x reader #tlou #the last of us #hbo!tlou #hbo #hbo!joel miller #Pedro pascal #pedro pascal!joel miller #x reader #imagine #imagines #series #fluff #pre-outbreak #pre-outbreak!joel #pre-outbreak!joel miller #pre outbreak #domestic

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asuyaka · 2 months ago

Note

Hiii, it's kind of a weird request so I totally understand if you ignore

Would you mind writing fluff with some comfort for Dazai with a trans male reader (ftm), when the reader is very transphobic (only) towards himself, because he doesn't want to be this way cause it's not something 'socially accepted?' the reader is rather chameleonic n generally cares a lot about how he's seen and if he fits in, going as far to change his whole way of acting based on who he's talking with or when he can't mirror someone's personality putting on a charismatic, playful, talkative facade. (Basically a social3 in detail but not manipulative if u know that term) because of his desire to climb social ladder and massive fear of lacking social acceptance, he tries to gaslight himself into thinking he's cisgender most of the time, which only makes him feel worse?? The 'all I want you to do is give me all of your love&applause and for return I'll be whoever you want me to be' type of performer.

Sorry for being picky but please don't write the reader as a submissive scared little thing that can't be assertive at all I hate that in comforts I beg u

★ - this hits so close t'home cause 've always struggled with my gender identity n'stuff then I realized there's a buncha labels, too many f'me to care about ! *^__^*

☆ - Dazai Osamu x FtM Reader!

♡ - really hope I wrote him well f'ya anon ! O(∩_∩)O | CW: copious amounts of misgenderin' (she/her & terms like 'girlfriend are used for the first half, please be warned !!) & transphobic language !

[Name] looked at his her the outfit in the mirror, a black body con dress with a slit that ran up [Name]'s thigh.

The longer [Name] stared at the reflection the more an urge to throw up formed. Dazai would be the door for their date, and every dress [Name] tried didn't sit right.

They were either too tight, not tight enough, too short, too long, or too boxy— the point was nothing worked.

It didn't matter if [Name] put on a skirt or a crop top, they made everything feel worse to the point [Name] wanted to call the date off, but that would make her a bad girlfriend, and she wanted to be good.

The doorbell rang. "Babe? You haven't answered your phone, are you okay?"

[Name] groaned and opened the door. Dazai glanced over her outfit with wide eyes. "Wow. Uh, nice dress, but what's the occasion?"

[Name]'s eyebrow raised. "What do you mean? I always wear dresses."

Dazai walked into [Name]'s apartment and plopped onto the couch. "No, you don't. You told me you hate dresses and skin-tight clothes."

She glared at her boyfriend, a deep frown on her face before scoffing. "Okay, well, I like them now. Girls like dresses anyway."

The brunette paused his actions and stared. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

[Name] rolled her eyes. "What did I say?"

"You're joking, right? You aren't a girl— I asked you out because you're a man, and I wanted a boyfriend."

Boyfriend.

The title made [Name]'s heart well, like a warm blanket draped over her body. It didn't cause that sick, gut-wrenching feeling like 'girlfriend' but they weren't a boy.

They couldn't be a boy.

[Name] gulped thickly. "...I'm not a tranny, Dazai. What would my coworkers think? My parents? I can't— I was born a girl, Dazai, I shouldn't... feel this way."

Osamu gently holds [Name]'s hands. "Baby, what are you talking about? You've always been my boyfriend, you being born a woman doesn't change that."

"But I... it's— Osamu, it's not right. If I act too masculine, I could lose my job and have my neighbors hate me, but I fucking hate having to act like somethin' I'm not." [Name] sniveled, wiping his cheeks at tears that began to form.

Dazai guided his boyfriend to the couch and cupped his cheek. "You shouldn't have to change yourself to make other people happy. You're my boyfriend, the only boy in the world I've genuinely loved, and I don't want to see you destroy yourself for the better of someone else—people who don't even know you."

"If you lose your job for being you, then you could work with me. I'm sure Boss wouldn't mind having a new employee."

With a gentle kiss, Osamu chuckled. "And I'd finally get some work done so I can relax with my perfect boyfriend in the world."

[Name] sniffed as his boyfriend pressed another kiss on his wet cheek. "...is it 'cause you're lazy?"

"Eh... not lazy, just... working smarter and not harder!"

"Not working at all doesn't count, Osamu."

Dramatically, Dazai held a hand to his chest and rolled on the floor. "Woe is me! My boyfriend keeps bullying me even after I call him perfect! What do I do?"

He lightly laughed and placed a soft hand on Osamu's hair. "Maybe take him on a date?"

The brunette immediately sat on his knees with sparkles in his eyes. "He still wants to go with me?"

[Name] kissed Dazai's forehead and smiled. Even with the thoughts swirling in his head, Osamu always had a way to make him feel better. "He'd be delighted to go on a date with you."

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georgiapeach30513 · 1 year ago

Text

Down On My Knees, Part 1

Summary: It wasn’t your fault. That’s what your mother told you. But you were still cast aside like common trash. No longer eligible for the crown that you were raised to wear. All because of the baby growing in your belly. But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask for it. The only one that understood was father Jackson. He understands more than you could ever know. And he was going to cleanse you and your name of the sins that you didn’t commit. It’s now their duty to give your life purpose again.

Pairings: Priest!Jax Teller X Reader

Rating: mature/explicit

Warnings: dark!fic, language, mentions of non con, unwanted pregnancy, family abandonment, sin, unknown entities, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 2.8K

Series Masterlist

The driver of the carriage extends his hand out to you, helping you into the cab, but you turn back to look at your home. No, you had been cast out. You press your hand against your stomach as your mother’s silhouette darkens a window. Seeing where your hand rests, she walks away. You can feel her disdain for your predicament. Didn’t even have the courage to tell you goodbye. You had shamed her and the family.

Your throat starts to close up as you take a haggard breath. This was it. The crown was never going to be yours anyways, but now you were losing everything. In an instant.

“Into the cab, miss,” your eyes roll up to meet a nameless driver. You never even bothered to get to know them. They were just always there, and it wasn’t your duty to know. But they always referred to you as princess. Not anymore. Now it was Miss, like a commoner.

“Go on. Do you know where I’m taking you?” You shake your head no. You didn’t bother to know anyone outside the palace. You didn’t have to. What a charmed life you lived, until one night when you had lost your chaperone. It’s all it took, and you had brought shame on your entire family. They never even worried about the shame that you felt. Or the pain. The humiliation. The fear of men.

You felt him all over your body still. He is growing in your belly, and it makes you sick to think about all that he stole. Everything. Your family was turning you out. You were an unwed and used pregnant woman with nowhere to go.

“Miss, we must go. The Queen left you a pretty handsome purse. It should get you through the year,” you scoff, hopping into the carriage. Wow. A full year. Not to mention what would happen once the baby came. She could have hidden you away, or even raised the baby as her own, but instead she was leaving you to the streets.

Spoiled with no life experience. Everything was always done for you. You wouldn’t allow your tears to fall. Would not give any of them the satisfaction that you were broken all the way around. “Miss? Where to?”

“Where do the whores go?” He turns to look back at you confused. Clearly your mother had kept things more secret than you expected. But you wanted her to hurt. You want her to feel as dirty as you did. “That’s right. I have a bastard in my belly because someone…they,” you swallow deeply, unable to finish the sentence.

“I’m sorry, miss. Where to?”

“Could you not just call me princess one last time? I have nowhere to go, and a baby in my womb, and you…please. One last time.”

He has but a moment of pity. You were an adult with the mind of a baby. The royal family had many secrets, but their youngest daughter being knocked up and shunned from the family isn’t what he was expecting. You reminded him of his own daughter, and it hurts him deep inside.

“The church,” your eyes cast back up at him. Why would the church want you? You were nothing more than a used whore. “They take in girls. Father Jackson I’m sure could give you a warm bed. You’ll be expected to work. But it’s warm, and dry, and your baby can be dealt with.”

You furrow your brows, looking at him confused. Unsure what he was suggesting. The world outside the carriage starting to match the storm that was brewing inside of you. The anger and hate boiling into the fibers of your being. Starting to overtake the naivety you had grown accustomed to.

“Father Jackson knows families that would adopt a baby. Or…find you a husband that can look past…”

“What he stole from me?” Your driver stares out into the rain, knowing how unfair your predicament was, but had no way of fixing it himself. All these people in the kingdom were self righteous, unforgiving, and all of them hypocrites.

“I didn’t ask for this. And because of him, I lost everything. I had dukes and lords coming soon to ask for my hand in marriage, and now I’m a nobody.”

“You were never nobody, princess,” he pulls up to the creepy church, one you had known too well. Staring off at the alley in front of it as lightning lights it up, and you feel his hands on you. Could still smell the scent of stale cigarettes and peppermint oil. His breath on your neck, and his seed in your belly.

“Ma’am?” The driver screams, holding up a hand for you. “Wait in the church. I’ll get your things, and fetch Father Jackson,” gathering up your skirts, you run into the church as you were asked.

Slowly spinning around in the chapel before walking over to the confessional booth. Looking back at the altar, lightning creates gruesome shadows everywhere. The ornate crucifixes mocked and cursed you for stepping in here, and like a child, you run into the booth. Hiding from all the judging faces as you wait for further instructions.

Your driver stomps up to the father’s door, giving it a little knock before the door is slung wide open, “What do you want?” His icy blue eyes cast behind the driver before looking upon him.

“You look like death.”

“I can’t sleep. It’s late,” Father Jackson twists his neck at an awkward angle, and stares at nothing. Deep purple tints the skin under his eyes, and the driver wonders just how many nights the Father hadn’t slept.

“I had to get The Queen’s youngest daughter out while no one was awkke,” the Father’s eyes look back behind the driver, giving a nod to an unknown entity before he opens his door wide. “She’s with child.”

“She’s not married,” Jackson says with no emotion. He had seen you numerous times here. You stood out in the sea of people. An odd glow seemed to always surround your body. Flashes of you in his mind distracted him immensely.

“It appears that she was raped,” the Father motions the sign of the cross, whispering an odd little prayer before he looks back at the driver. “Judging by her panic attack earlier, it was nearby. I couldn’t get her attention as she stared in the alley.”

“Who would do such a thing? And so close to the church,” he clicks his tongue, and looks down at the floor, “She was always such a devout girl.”

“Yeah,” the driver groans, leaning back in his chair. “It’s a mystery. The princess, well, the young lady was cast out of her family. She has nowhere to go for her or her child.”

“And you brought her here?” Jackson squints, looking back out to the hallway, zoning out for a moment.

“She could be of use. There’s rooms here. Look at it as charity. It’s like the Lord was leading her right into your arms,” Jackson’s crystal eyes look up at the driver, a cocky little grin on his face.

“Thank you, Opie. Take her things down the hall. Let me go see what I can do for the…Angel,” Opie grabs up your things, walking directly to the last room on the left while Jackson descends into the chapel.

Looking around the area, before hearing a broken whimper. Taking a deep breath, he walks into the booth. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

“You don’t have to do this tonight,” but he wanted you to. He needs to hear where your mind is at, and how further to proceed.

“I’ve had impure thoughts of murder.”

“Murdering your assailant?” You shake your head no, twiddling your fingers in your lap. “Why not?”

“I’m free. I’m scared, but I’m free. My mother wanted me to marry an ogre of a man,” he gulps, moving closer to you. You weren’t overly angry at your attacker. It piqued his interest more than it should. “I heard stories about him. He was cruel.”

“He didn’t touch you?” You turn your head slowly, meeting Jackson’s icy blue eyes through the veil. Licking the briny taste that your tears had created on your lips.

“He spends his money on people, and tortures them for fun.”

“Ahh,” Jackson hums. “You were betrothed to August Marks. There’s no proof of what he’s doing.”

“Why would there be? He’s of noble blood, and everyone turns away. My mother was going to make a show of men asking for my hand in marriage, but I think he was willing to pay the most. I would have been dead, and it would have been slow. Evil men rule the world, Father. I thought you knew that.”

“Evil men also took your life away from you?” It is an odd statement that is more of a question, and you don’t know how to answer it. It was evil, but did it save your life?

“But I won’t die. And all I think about now is killing my mother. She hated me. Always did. I was her only daughter. I think she was jealous,” you didn’t she was, you knew. She told you multiple times that you were the child that stole her beauty. Her hips never slimmed again. Her hair had started to turn gray, and the first wrinkle, it was all because of you.

“You shouldn’t say things like that about the Queen. That’s enough to have you killed.”

“Would you tell on me, Father? Isn’t this a private confessional? Can I not freely tell you about my thoughts and sins? About how I want my mother to be covered in blood? Or how I feel him inside everyday?” Jackson clears his throat, and turns to look at you through the lattice. “The baby is moving.”

“I thought you were being inappropriate,” he clears his throat as his hands drag over his thighs. Stopping to dig his fingers in. Squeezing the muscles on his legs until he winces.

“You thought I was talking about his cock?” Jackson coughs, and whispers a prayer in a language you didn’t quite understand. “I felt that for weeks. My body wasn’t prepared for that, and then it was.”

“You liked it?”

“It’s sin,” you deadpan. Hearing a ringing in your ears, you close your eyes. Going back to that night, and all the emotions that still haunted your every thought. “There’s something wrong with me.”

“There’s something wrong with the world. We’re here to cleanse it. Not everything is black and white. There’s always that gray area where most of us linger. We don’t understand our thoughts, or the way our bodies choose to feel. But we have control over our minds,” and he is struggling to keep control of his mind. Bruises would paint his legs at this rate, but it was the only thing keeping him sane.

“What if we don’t?” A flash of lightning illuminates both of your faces, and for the first time since your arrival, Jackson feels fear. “What if we don’t have control of our minds?”

“You mean someone else is controlling it?” You give him a shrug, unable to explain it. Or maybe it was your mind’s way of explaining your body’s reaction to his fingers gripping onto your hips, and his panting breath in your ear as he tells you that you’re taking him like a good girl.

“I think that’s all for tonight, Princess,” you didn’t have that title anymore, and he was still bestowing it upon you. Looking into your lap as Jackson’s eyes flash towards you. “I’ve prepared you a room. You’ll be expected to earn your keep.”

“And what does that entail, Father?”

“When we are not in this booth, and there’s not one around, call me Jax,” you whisper the name, and a warmth flows through you. It felt natural, and warm to say it. “We’ll discuss your…payment.”

“Will I be required to be on my knees…” Jax can’t read you. Your face is flat without emotion, but your tongue is as sharp as the blade he kept under his pillow.

“Excuse me?”

“In prayer? I’m with child, pretty soon I won’t be able to get up by myself. During church, I won’t be able to be in the chapel, my family will see me, and I’m growing their shame. No one will miss — us.”

Jax takes a deep before opening his door, and stepping over to open yours. “You and I will have private lessons. You will be required to get on your knees — in prayer, and I will be there to assist you up. We…” he looks up at the altar, and then to the floor.

You are giving him all kinds of temptation, and this living situation was going to go one of two ways, and he was not in the right mind to think straight. Sleep deprivation was making him think and feel all kinds of things. Things he shouldn’t be envisioning at all. “We…”

Lightning strobes into the entire chapel, all the while a booming clap of thunder rattles the windows. “I gotta get out of here,” he squeaks, grabbing your hand, and pulling you out of the sanctuary.

His feet shuffle quickly, and you struggle to keep up. Not stopping until he stops in front of your room. “My room is the first on the left,” he was too close to you, but no longer in a room of judging eyes. There wasn’t paintings of all the saints condemning Jax for his sins. Here it was just the two of you.

“We can’t continue to live in sin. Goodnight, Princess,” without even looking Jax moves quickly to his room, and slams the door while the hallway stretches out long before you. The candles create an eerie red warmth, but it chills you to your bones.

Your baby kicks you hard, and you grunt, holding onto your stomach. Unsure if you just keep drifting deeper and deeper into a life altering path, or if you were indeed on the righteous path to a better life. Things were off here. But what other choice did you have? Who would want you? Even though the priest was odd, he took you in.

Jax was fully aware of your condition, and didn’t care about the talk that was bound to happen. Sacrificing for you and your unborn child, and uncaring of what could come of housing you. Something was worth the sacrifice. But was it you or your child?

A chill creeps through your spine, and you look out the window at the end of the hall. The perfect view to your personal hell? Awakening? Enlightenment? You aren’t sure how to describe that night. But there, lighting up with the crooked streaks of the storm was that alley where someone greedily took from you.

The place that changed your life forever. Jax’s bedroom being at the end of the hall, he could have a window there, too. A perfect view of what should be a crime. It was right there. Framed perfectly for people to see. A sinful act that led you straight here. Right under this roof. And right next to the priest who could have seen it all. He could know who did it to you.

Sighing, you press your hand against your little bump, and walk into your room. Much less grand than your old one, but it was yours. And now you are in a different prison.

Jax takes a long drag of his cigarette as he looks out his window. Unable to see anything until the storm lit up the night sky, and he could see everything. Rubbing the back of his head, he stares at the loose brick that no one had bothered to discard, or even put back on the building. A brick that you had lodged out yourself, and used as a weapon, but he still finished. You had eventually quit fighting, and accepted your fate.

He wonders if you knew all that it was going to bring you. Had you not become pregnant, people could have lied about what had happened. But you would never be the same. He extinguishes his cigarette, and grabs up a bottle of oil. Dabbing it behind his ears, and on his forehead. Saying a silent prayer that the minty scent would help his head to quit hurting. And relax enough for sleep to overtake him. And hopefully no dreams. No memories. And no prophecies.

He just wanted to sleep. He wanted his own demons to leave him alone. A few hours of peaceful rest that wasn’t the hoards of nightmarish ghouls telling him what to do. Just a moment of peace. His time was running out. Soon he wouldn’t know peace again.

He lays back on the bed, slowly closing his eyes, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

He knew. And he wanted Jax to keep on sinning. Jax knew it deep inside his blackened soul. He had to keep on sinning. One down. Six more to go…

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @missusbarnes-rogers @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989 @floral-recs @theinheriteddutchess

#down on your knees #priest au #priest alternate universe #priest!jax teller #jax teller #jax teller x reader #jax teller x fem!reader #jax teller x y/n #jax teller x you #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller fanfic #jax teller fic #jax teller fics #charlie hunnam #dark!fic

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 months ago

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s3 episode 4 thoughts

here we are!!! i actually turned off auto caps on my phone for this; that’s how serious this blog is getting. don't worry, i'll probably remember to turn it back on before i send an important email.

i haven’t seen an ep in a few days and i feel like it has been 80 years. the last episode wasn’t the greatest, so our time apart feels even longer.

this episode is about a guy named clyde. clyde bruckman is a hell of a name. i’m expecting a real cowboy. a guy who knows his way around a horse. he probably spits chew in a certain fashion. we shall see if i’m correct.

(editor's note: op found that clyde was not a cowboy, but something just as special... a friend <3)

we open with a man reading a magazine article on predictions, written by a celebrity psychic. we later learn that this fellow doing the reading is, in fact, clyde bruckman. and elvis being dead but buddy holly being alive has got to be one of the greatest theories i’ve ever heard. i WILL incorporate this into my belief system.

allegedly, buddy holly is going to open at a big music festival. and this is how i learn that lollapalooza was a thing even before chappell roan visited... but we all know that when she steps on that stage in a few short weeks it will blow anything secretly alive buddy holly could have cooked up in his wildest dreams. "the night the music died" <- crazy thing to say about a time before miss roan was even born. anyway...

bruckman ran into someone in the street. feels like a chekov’s gun moment but who knows.

hint: it was!

now the clumsy man is at the psychic. and he says he saw his own future and he seem himself doing things that are “out of character”. now that's suspicious~

OH??? clumsy man just killed the fortune teller and says she should have seen this coming. HUH???? clumsy murder man needs to be punished …our psychics deserve federal protection.

we are at the scene of a murder. a different murder, because this one did NOT take place in the psychic's room. “they say the eyes capture the last thing a murder victim sees” “so what do they say about the entrails?” “yuck” LMAO i giggled a little….

they’re talking about some guy in vague terms, that he’s “unorthodox” and “a kook”, and then mulder walks in and it looks like they’re talking about him but the investigator says “who the hell are you” HAHAHA that got me as well

so the murderer left behind the eyeballs and scully says that they made a profile for the killer and i’m thinking yaaaaay they worked together <3 i love that spooky mulder, the well-established profiling expert, is willing to collaborate. but with her only.

and also the house is filled with porcelain dolls

mulder knowing the professional name for the people who read tea leaves… unfortunately i love him so bad.

THEN the real star of the show rolls up. it’s the psychic from the cover of the magazine we saw clyde reading earlier. CROWDED w paparazzi. he's got a vague european accent going on here. hold up is that jon favreau in the background. i received no clarification on if that was him or not.

psychic is describing a guy who could be literally anyone “white man with facial hair… or not” “tattoo somewhere on his body” wow king of specifics. it's like he's in the room with us. /s

the agents are watching him do this and share a glance and i want it on a poster it’s sooo cute <3

celebrity psychic says he lost the vision from negative energy and then gets right up in the agent’s faces. they handle it pretty well, all things considered. because i would be telling him to back tf up.

he asks mulder to LEAVE!!!! he has been diagnosed with negative energy. she leans in and says “i can’t take you anywhere” LMAOOOO so he stands outside and then the psychic says that skeptics like mulder make him sick. yeah i laughed!!! so what!

description of our guy: “white male, 17-34, with or without a beard, maybe a tattoo, who is impotent” <- wow.

back to the clyde cam. he's selling insurance. telling some guy that he is going to die in a car crash. well this is an effective life insurance sales policy. or not, because he doesn’t close the deal!! sure would have worked on me.

back home, he takes out some moldy cabbage that looks like a guy’s head into the trash. takes out his neighbor’s trash as well, and sees a vision of the dog eating her remains. (sabrina brier voice) oh!!!

(wait i just realized i reference that video all the time and have never cited my sources. if you are unfamiliar with the legendary "oh!" moment please click here)

back to the plot at hand.

clyde asks if his neighbor has enough dog food. thoughtful man. BUT he sees a body in the trash!

this episode is making me giggle <- don't remember what prompted that note but it was true.

clyde, who reported the murder, says that he knew the eyes were cut out, but she was found face down... so. how do you know that. site your sources. “well it just figures”, he says, and it absolutely, and i cannot emphasize this enough, does not

they bring him to… a murder scene. dun dun dun!

he thinks they're pranking him and asks to see their identification again (sees mulder’s badge) “i’m supposed to believe that’s a real name?” yeah get him again for me.

he sees blood at the crime scene and throws up which... yeah. that’s pretty messed up. he emerges from throwing up and starts saying and doing the same things as the earlier psychic. but then he starts getting... a bit more specific. allegedly, the woman was having sex with the killer before she met her end.

“well then, what’s wrong?” “sometimes, it just seems that everyone’s having sex except for me” LMAOOOOOOOOO clyde you are too real

scully looks soooo confused and i love it

all of a sudden, he sees one of the many dolls as a bloated corpse head, and announces where they’ll find the body then… hands the doll to mulder. which is not the first time we have seen him holding a doll. it is an interesting visual. what are they trying to tell us??

scully isn’t buying it. why does clyde know all this stuff? “i don’t believe he’s the killer”, says mulder, and she responds with, “i don’t believe he’s psychic” yeah that’s the dynamic i love. and she is sooooo pretty.

mulder goes to the dude’s house and he knows exactly what is going on. but then clyde seems shocked it's him so we are getting mixed messages here.

he asks mulder if he wants to know how he’s going to die, and mulder says yes after stuttering a little and i’m like WOAH where is this going… but clyde responds with “no you don’t”, which, okay yeah, i don’t think i could handle that either

(he goes on to try and sell mulder insurance)

clyde says the future is inevitable. or if he does get involved… what if there is the whole butterfly effect thing? and then he immediately agrees to going along with the investigation. king of not having an answer. the indecisive representation we deserve.

mulder you’re so pretttttyy... look at him watching clyde touch some brass frogs and base conclusions off of them.

scully arrived at the door as mulder has his head FLAT ON THE TABLE lmaoooo

so, it appears that clyde can ONLY tell how people are going to die. nothing else. now is that useful to this investigation? it's arguable. maybe they can find an angle.

clyde says that the scrap of fabric he’s holding comes from mulder’s new york knick’s t shirt (which was a thing that happened in 1x13 when he was testing that other psychic!!!! ohhhh i remember! do not think i forgot!! and i was confused as to why he would have a knick’s shirt if he was from new england... perhaps he knows no loyalty to geography when it comes to sport)

but mulder denies that it is his shirt anyway, so.

they found keychains on the bodies, and clyde is going on about all the personal information of whoever owned said keychains. it turns out he just sold the guy an insurance policy a few months ago lmaooo... but he knows he was murdered! the death power strikes again.

scully is driving. clyde is in the passenger seat. mulder is sticking his head in between them, asking how he receives his psychic transmissions. it's funny. he wants to know how being a psychic works! so is it like, visions, or dreams or something?

he then implies that mulder will die by autoerotic asphyxiation <- HELLO????? he looks at scully after receiving this news. as if she can possibly defend him against such an accusation.

they’re in the forest looking for a body and clyde explains he knew “the big bopper” was going to die.

scully says she doesn’t believe in that stuff, and even if she did, she wouldn’t believe that story. damn, just really going for his throat, huh. he seems to believe her indignation is over the fact that he liked the big bopper better than buddy holly and he defends himself.

they try to get the car out and mulder’s suit gets all dirty (this is sad to me, a mulder suit enjoyer) but gasp!!! the car is RIGHT OVER THE BODY. that has to be bad for finding evidence. so he did know exactly where it was!!!!

they have a thread from the scene, and have presented it to clyde. “but don’t you have crime labs that analyze these things for you?” he asks scully “yes. yes we do” (pointed glare at mulder) LMAOOOO but he says it takes time!!! and they still haven't analyzed the other thread. so please please please just give your powers a go.

he doesn’t want to help out, but mulder says he wants some insurance. on the fiber, not actual life insurance :( clyde was so excited to tell him the benefits of general mutual!!!

clyde is describing mulder being stalked by the killer sometime in the future, and all of a sudden scully’s up and asking him for more details like she believes it. awww. it’s sweet in a way. does she believe in psychics? no. is she still gonna take detailed notes when one says mulder is in any slight danger? yeah. and don't worry about that seeming to contradict her belief system. she is complicated beyond simple characterizations of skeptic or believer.

he seems to think that the killer will slit mulder’s throat at the investigation, but he doesn’t want to tell him. he DOES tell him that he will step on a pie before whatever happens to him, happens to him.

thank you to the subtitles for clarifying that clyde was imitating johnny carson because they reference would have been lost on me. i know, i’m uncultured, i’m sorry. i’ll google it though. okay, as i thought, he was a late night host. see? we get an exchange of knowledge on this blog, i learn about johnny carson's way of pronouncing the word "killer" and you can use sabrina brier's "oh" in conversation now.

it seems the killer sent clyde a letter saying he’ll kill him. and he’ll be dead before they can get him help :( noooo i like mr bruckman!!! :(

back to the killer. he’s getting a tarot reading and says he’s looking for a guy he’s gonna kill. the man doing the tarot reading smiles nervously, because what do you say in such a situation.

they seem to have bought clyde a pie after his earlier ramblings on the subject, and he kindly asks scully if she wants some, but she denies because she must study background checks instead of relying upon visions. he asks if she is jealous. a good banter between them.

back at the tarot place, the reader mentions a woman. MAYBE A REDHEAD...? stay away from her…

clyde is going on about seeing himself in bed with scully. HELLO??? “it’s just a very special moment neither of us will ever forget” huh. laughs nervously. what the fuck. is she gonna find him dead or do we need to call HR.

(cries editing this, now that i know how the episode ends)

it seems the tarot card guy is about to get murdered. but back at the hotel room with clyde and scully, they’re playing cards and she’s talking about moby dick and macbeth misinterpreting prophecies...

but despite the denial, SHE ASKS HIM HOW SHE DIES??? he says “you don’t” and that is exactly what i like to hear <3

she seemed really serious about it too, like she didn’t want to admit that she was curious, initially deflecting. oh best believe i WILL psychoanalyze that.

LMAOOO okay so this is the episode where mulder says the “chantilly lace” line and she makes that face. he's referring to another thread found at a murder scene, but i saw it in a gif and i have been thinking about it since then.

she slaps his chest with the file and says good luck as he goes to babysit the old man psychic. it was very affectionate. do it again.

mulder is in bed. it’s sleepover time with the old man. “you’re not one of those people that turns everything into a sexual symbol, are you?”, clyde asks, seemingly self-conscious about revealing his recurring dream. mulder says no, but i’m unconvinced.

anyway, he talks about seeing himself dead, and how his body fades away. we see a cgi decomposing body and it’s quite gnarly. maybe it's clay? and all his skin faded away and he becomes bones. kinda gross tbh. but he says he feels at peace.

there’s been another murder, so another guy is gonna babysit our clyde, and i’m thinking noooo don’t trust this other guy!!

scully says she feels bad, that clyde has convinced himself he is a psychic and it’s taken all the joy out of his life :(

okay, the guy babysitting him seems to be telling him jokes. clyde says he won’t die of lung cancer so he lights up. and i'm thinking, buddy, he did not rule out emphysema.

hang on. that is a lighter we have seen before. in the hands of old lady who shall be eaten by dogs. now is this a mass produced object or are we about to witness the end of clyde!!!!

“don’t open that door for anybody”, says the babysitter, and clyde then immediately proceeds to do so. and who is it knocking but the psychic killer delivering their room service!!!

killer is asking clyde why he does these things and it’s “because you’re a homicidal maniac” well that would explain it! and then he stabs the babysitter. but clyde has delayed his fate by telling the murder he doesn’t kill him now. seems he believes him. clever thinking.

scully realizes that the killer is the bellhop at the hotel after seeing some more lace. which mulder describes as “woman’s intuition” yea <3

back at the hotel. mulder is in the kitchen. he sees the killer with the knife. it is all going down as clyde described it. now if there really is a pie do NOT BE DISTRACTED. OH there is a pie. and he knows he has to turn around, so he turns THE OTHER WAY. noooo!!!!!

they get in a struggle!!! mulder’s bleeding, and scully gets off the elevator just in time. she shoots the murderer. no hesitation on taking a life, she will kill a motherfucker for mulder. i love that about her.

and scully only got there because she took the wrong elevator!!! more pondering on the meaning of fate!!!!!

i love when one of these bitches is on the floor in pain and the other comes over and comforts them. i think i need that in my life just once. it would heal me.

but the question is: where is bruckman?

they go to find him and they only find a dog tied to the door?? and a letter to scully. it’s the dog from before, the neighbor's pet. the letter from clyde says to take care of his neighbor's remains. and he asks if she wants a dog, and that you can’t blame him for the dog’s actions. so they go into the room.

BUT IT IS BRUCKMAN THAT IS DEAD IN THERE. it looks he took pills and suffocated himself. scully looks so so so so so sad.

AND OMG!!! SHE IS HOLDING HIS HAND WHILE HE IS IN BED AND CRYING. JUST LIKE HE SAID WOULD HAPPEN. WAIT THIS IS SO SAD.

so that must be why he say a head in a bag at the start of the episode, it was his own death... and the killer was right, he did get to clyde before he was caught, he just didn't attack him. huh. funny how prophecies play out.

cutscene to her on the couch WITH THE DOG IN HER LAP. and an ad from the earlier eastern european psychic is on the tv. she throws the phone at him.

A DOG!!! a dog. okay, a lot to think about, but first and foremost we have scully with a dog <3 and it sits in her lap while she watches TV. and it MAY have tasted human flesh, which i feel is a hard thing to get past, but clearly she has done it. she has done the emotional labor of knowing that fuzzball knows what human meat feels like. and she has faith that this dog will not do the same to her. that is an awful lot of trust for a new dog. but we do know she loves animals. so perhaps she trusts the puppy.

i always pictured her with a big ol mutt from the pound. but a little dog can be just as good of a friend. and it WAS a rescue. that is important!

okay. back to the episode at hand, dog aside. even though it is a BIG deal to me and i'm honestly being so brave by not going on a monologue about what scully having a dog means to me. this episode was definitely comedic, and like the earlier comedic episode, i liked it a lot! but the ending made me so sad :( it was a pretty abrupt tone shift.

still. the episode was SO good. i kept pausing every few seconds to write things down because they made me laugh or otherwise intrigued me (thinking of scully playing cards and explaining macbeth. or chantilly lace line. or "i can't take you anywhere". i will try not to think of mulder's potential death by choking himself for my own sanity)

and i liked clyde a lot. we get a lot of one time characters who we will never see again and so it’s good when those characters make an impact in the short amount of time we share with them.

and i’m always gonna take a light-hearted episode, as light-hearted as a show where serial killing is a daily occurrence can be. it does go to show though that there wasn’t always a consistent tone throughout the story. and i do find that interesting. i am part of a generation where we typically get 6 hour long episodes of a tv show per season, and they’re so condensed there is very little time for exploration with genre or tone. in general, i have loathed this about modern television; the death of the filler episode has been lamented by people far more eloquent than myself.

the only thing i dislike about this format- doing a silly episode- is that if the next episode ends up being really dark it’s like, woah man, the whimsy, where did it go? last season we got humbug, which was SO fresh and funny, and then within the first 3 minutes of the next episode, a baby was killed by a train. so i lowkey got whiplash. but then again, i watched those episodes back to back, so maybe having a week between them seeing them air as they hit TV would have softened the blow. feel free to chime in with your theories on the nature of genre and how pacing of episode viewing effects that experience.

overall, a very good episode. i rank it up with humbug as one of my favorites, which is again funny, because i love the extreme angst and the silly. i paused to take so many notes because i liked so many things that i think i should someday rewatch it again and get a smoother experience haha

#now i'm pondering on the explorations in tone a 24 episode season of television allows you to have #is there a constant tone in this show? beyond the spooky? how would i describe it to a friend? all questions i am asking #i meant that i said about scully not being as simple as falling into mere “skeptic” or “believer” categories btw #i don't think she will fully admit it to herself but that's a conversation for another day when she's ready to have it #because clearly at this point in time she isn't.#but there have been things and i notice them. that is all.#there is a dog now which is huge.#but who will care for it when she must fly off to some sad little motel to investigate the latest grisly tragedy?#maybe her friend that plays the cello will come and let her out. maybe her mom if she's in the area still. a dog is good for the soul.#especially because she just lost missy.... no i'm sad now :((#juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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knivestothroats · 2 months ago

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Buck visiting Tommy at the lodge out of a sense of obligation is so infinitely hilarious to me. He's just like "Bye boyfriend I'm gonna go visit a murderer in the woods for the weekend bc they've got someone new to torture and I feel bad." Movie night with your ex captor and their new new captive.

I do imagine that Fletcher would be nicer when Buck is around/coming over soon, and Tommy would absolutely notice and latch onto that. However I do think he would be very wary after seeing the scars on Buck's face and Buck would be equal parts creeped out and horrified by Tommy's utter lack of scars (at least from before Fletcher).

I for one would fucking LOVE to see how Tommy reacts to getting his first permanent scar from Fletcher and all the emotions that come with that. Also would Fletcher tattoo their symbol on Tommy like they did on Buck in the other au?

Wow this turned out way longer than I intended, sorry but also not sorry, I'm way too interested in everything that's going on with this au to not be asking questions

i don't think nico would even be able to process the situation if buck told him lol

might throw it over to @victimeyez for more insight bc he has discussed with me tommy's feelings on not having any scars to show what he's been through, and also discussed the idea of what if tommy did get a scar that stuck? would he have a sick sense of satisfaction?

so, whether or not that does end up happening in pro/vic at some point, we'd have to decide timeline stuff OR just say fuck it, it's an au, he gets his first scar from fletcher

I hadn't thought about the tattoo but... I am now

Fletcher probably would be nicer when Buck was around. truly Boyz Nite™️ with the ex-captive and current captive. But also... victimeyez and i were brainstorming on a car ride and the idea came up of Buck showing up and Fletcher being like "you can't see tommy right now" because Fletcher had just hurt him or locked him in a stress position or something. Buck would freak out and try to intervene and Fletcher would be like. well i can't NOT manipulate this.

#itws #pro/vic #what if he and buck had matching scars #what who said that

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thatsdemko · 2 years ago

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the fight - n.hischier

masterlist

requested: yes

pairing: nico hischier x reader

warnings: arguing

a/n: I’m back! I haven’t written in while so requests are open and welcomed! you can find the list of what players I write for here

two weeks. that’s how long it’s been since you’ve last seen each other. the distance and time away from each other couldn’t have been more dreadful for you. all you were wishing for was nico to be home, and things could be better. but unfortunately with the devils road games resulting in losses, you knew nico was going to be in no mood to curl up in bed with you when he got home.

you knew being the captain was taking a toll on him, but it was starting to take one on your relationship too. every loss came with an argument, and every win came with the ability to relax.

the clock read 2am when you heard the apartment door slam and the bags drop to the ground. you knew better than to get up and comfort him. it was too early for either one of you to be sane enough to a have conversation, and you couldn’t deal with nico’s grumpiness and his lack of sleep.

“are you even going to acknowledge that I’m home?” was enough to jolt you out of falling into a deep sleep. you sat up to see his figure in the doorway, hands on his hips. you couldn’t make out much, but you could almost see his anger and defeat.

“nico, it’s 2am can we talk in the morning?” you grumbled falling onto your back trying to block out the bright hallway lights by squeezing your eyes shut.

you heard a sigh and a few words you were unable to make out, “you’re always like this when I get home!” you heard from the kitchen. you knew sleeping was no longer in the books for you, and nico was not going to let it happen on his watch. if he couldn’t sleep because of his anger and frustration, you weren’t going to either.

pushing the covers off your body, you rose out of bed throwing on whatever sweatshirt you could find in the dark, and make your way to the kitchen where your boyfriend stood hovering over a bottle of whiskey and a short glass.

“what’s got you so upset, nico? what can’t wait until morning?” you slid in the seat at the kitchen table unable to even look your boyfriend in the eyes. you knew what was coming, and he did too.

the glass in his hand came pounding down on the counter, jumping at the noise he made and the words coming out of his mouth, “wow, y/n, that’s how you’re going to treat me? no ‘I’m sorry, let’s talk about the loss’ instead I have to come home to you sleeping peacefully! it’s like you don’t even know what happened on the road!”

you looked up at him confused. he knew you’d been watching. he knew you texted him after every loss to see if he wanted to talk. you showed what you could from a distance to be there for him, and most of the time you were left on delivered or didn’t hear from him for days. it was not your fault he seemed to want nothing to do with you.

you rose from the chair sick to your stomach at his words not wanting to sit around any longer. you’d let him stew in his own hate while you slept if that’s what it took for him to come to his senses. “I think you have the wrong girlfriend because I texted you every night, every morning of a game, and after every game. it’s you who didn’t reply! it’s you who didn’t want to talk! and now all of a sudden I have to make myself available for you at this ungodly hour?”

you’ve never talked back like this to anyone, and it seemed to have shocked nico. but you didn’t like being accused of not caring when all you ever did was love nico unconditionally, and if nico couldn’t see it maybe you needed someone who did. it was not your fault that the team had lost, and you knew nico needed to communicate his feelings. but you were not pleased with how he was handling it.

you could see the wheels turning faster in his head and you just watched the red around his neck grow as his anger grew. you’ve never fought back with nico like this. your usual arguments after a game were never this blown out of proportion. you watched as he opened his mouth and closed it one too many times. you knew he couldn’t think of a thing to say to explain his feelings or think of an excuse for what he said.

you finally exhaled some of the stress after nico looked defeated, “when you’re ready to have a decent conversation, you know where you can find me. but right now, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

before he could say anything to your face you shuffled along to the bedroom grabbing his pillow and a few blankets for him. you didn’t even hear him follow behind you to the bedroom, but when you turned around you were met face to face with what felt like to be your worst nightmare.

“I’m not finished talking, I’m upset and clearly you don’t care!”

you dropped the blankets and pillow at the sound of his voice beaming through all four walls of the bedroom. you were pretty sure your neighbors could hear him, and you knew you’d have to apologize for the noise in the morning.

“don’t raise your voice at me!” you somehow matched his volume and it scared the both of you. out of all the times you’ve argued, he’s never seen you this mad. he’s never heard you like this, and he knew he fucked up.

his face softened when he noticed there were tears brimming your eyes and you were shaking with how angry you were at him, “y/n, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to get upset with you. you’re right I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

you watched him pick up the blankets and the pillow you had for him, “I’ll go. I’m sorry.” he walked out the bedroom door closing it behind him. you could hear him putting away the glass he almost shattered and the alcohol. the next thing you could hear was the hum of the television from the living room.

you quietly opened the bedroom door and snuck out to see him snuggled peacefully on the couch, “nico, you can come in the bedroom.” your voice so small you weren’t even sure he heard you. but his eyes opened at the sound of your voice.

he sat up on the couch and you watched the small pink blanket slip down his bare chest, “I just yelled at you? we deserve space.”

you closed your eyes letting out a sigh,“I’ve gone two weeks without you, nico. please just come sleep with me?” your voice shaking just wanting some sort of comfort from him.

once you opened your eyes, you saw he was already standing up, the television was just shutting off, and he was collecting the blankets off the couch, “okay, only because I love you and I’m sorry.”

#hockey imagines #hockey #nico hischier #nico hischier x reader #nico hischier imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nico hischier blurb #hockey blurbs #nico hischier fic #nhl #new jersey devils #New Jersey devils imagine #hockey fic #New Jersey devils blurbs

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cutepastelstarsalior · 6 months ago

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Helluva Boss Episode 8, season 2

Ok so this show has

5 more episodes. Then the show will either

A be done

B, have a season 3.

Whatever way it goes, I hope the show wraps and gives characters satisfying endings. Though I fear that will the episodes spread out, some element or plot continuity will be lost.

What does Pride Weather mean? Is it like the the normal weather report but gay????

GOD DANG IT ANOTHER SONG.

Ok, so Stolas is thinking that his and Blitzo’s relationship will help him deal with the divorce and the negative voices in his head. A fairytale like romance is what Stolas seems to want, where his problems can be fixed with the power of love. Meanwhile Blitzo is just thinking of the relationship as only a friend’s with benefits thing. Interesting that he is also using the relationship as a way to not think about his problems.

“Would he want me if he was free? And if he’s only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me? My entire life been written in stone. He taught me that I could choose. He desverse the choice to stay or go. Though it scares me to think of what I’ll lose.”

Wow. So far, this is a lot to take it. But what really gets my interest is that Stolas repetitively saying that he wants to free them. Both Blitzo and him. But from what? Is it judgmental from others? Is it from powerful demons that could break their relationship? Or is it from Stolas’s guilt and regrets? Another interesting thing is that when Blitzo sees the date, he has to mental hype himself up to the idea of sex. At first he has a strain smile in the mirror, but once Blitzo keeps talking about sex in detail, he’s like the idea. I don’t know if Blitzo doing this hype up is supposed to be taken has a funny thing, or a way to show that Blitzo is hypersexual. But it does feel like a coping mechanism. I don’t think people normally have to hype themselves up to have sex with someone, or even feel apathetic at first. Also, Blitzo talks about what HES going to do to Stolas, and not what Stolas does for him. Does Blitzo do all the work in bed?

YOOOO THE GOVERNMENT PEOPLE AND THE CHURRUBS ARE BACK YESSSS

Wait wait wait!!!! Are the two angels going to be more and more corrupted and the goat boy is going to go back to heaven YESSSSSSSS I love that.

Oh, 👀 angles can physically be hurt, hit with blow darts, and be electrocuted. Interesting.

PRIST WITH A GUN WHAT WILL THEY DO. This feels so cursed. Omg pls pls pls give the Angels or at least one of them a gun…

EXCUSE ME??????? THE GOVERNMENT WAS LIKE YEAH WILL GIVE YOU MORE MONEY. MAKE A LITERALLY PORTAL TO HELL AND MAKE SOME KILLER CLONE PREIST.., AHHHH THE ANGELS ARE IN HELL NOW

hmmm since Hazbin Hotel finally aired, would this story still be in the same world as Hazbin? Aka angels killing demons? Or no? If the churrubs seem so gun-hoe on killing, were they apart or admire Adam’s army?

There noticeable less swearing here! Wow! Good job Viv.

Oh! So interesting thing, 1 the demons get physical sick at saying the word torture. And 2 they don’t know what sex is. Or at least, they don’t know what sex equipment is. Do Angels natural not know these thing or get sick when saying certain words? Is it just heaven born angels that are like this? The 2 rouge angels (whose names i forget) seems fine with stealing and killing, but not at torture. Will they get comfortable with it as they stay longer in hell? Will being in hell at all make then like, permanently banned from heaven?

There lots of sex shops in the Lust ring. I thought it would just be one company? That kind of neat how there many stores of the same products but with minor variations. Some neat worldbuilding. Heyyyyy it’s Frizz. He seems more happy and cheerful! Yippee. Also he seems more sex neutral or positive? Also obsidian and jewel equipment? That feels very fancy? Maybe? I feel like hell would have lots of rocks and crystal around since, you know, under the earth.

🎼🎵IM A ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN FIGHTING TILL THE WARS WON I DONT CARE IF HEAVEN WONT TAKE MEEEE BACKKKKKK ILL THROW AWAY MY FAITH BABE JUST TO KEEP YOU SAFE DONT YOU KNOW YOUR EVEYTHING I HAVEEEEEEE🎵🎼

Loona’s voice seems different. Maybe it’s because I haven’t heard it in a while, maybe the VA has a good microphone. But it feels sharper and clearer. All the voices do. It feels like higher quality.

Ok. Now the ending.

Stolas gave Blitzo a crystal, that way Blitzo and his team can legally travel to earth and back. Stolas called off the deal, and says that even thought they don’t have that agreement anymore, he (Stolas) would like to still have Blitzo stay. Blitzo, at first thinks it’s a roleplay, or a joke. But once Stolas starts to leave, Blitzo gets angry. He even calls Stolas a porous asshole, just like Striker did. Blitzo gets angry and even starts to tear up, saying that Stolas had, treated him like other imps. That Stolas looks down on imps and doesn’t respect them. Blitzo even comments on his imp butler.

In the background, many objects are covers in tarps, and all the paintings have Stolas’s wife covered, while Olivia has her face shown. It seems like Olivia either doesn’t live with Stolas, or goes back and forth between her parents. I’m bringing this up because like before, Stolas doesn’t want the relationship to be base off a deal. He thinks highly of Blitzo, but Blitzo only thinks of the relationship as something that’s transactional. Stolas wants this relationship because it the only one in his life that seems to either bring him joy, or doesn’t let him think about his problems. While I do like that Stolas calling off the deal and giving Blitzo the crystal. I feel like the last line “I think highly of you and you think so lowkey of me” feels a bit manipulative?

Like, yeah Blitzo does feel that way. Why shouldn’t he? What has Stolas done besides letting him use the book, what has he done for Blitzo? Did Stolas even gave Blitzo comfort? Did he ever let Blitzo talk about their deal? Does Stolas actually out effort into their deal or does Blitzo do all the work? Stolas let Blitzo not have sex for a few months, but is that it? Blitzo has being Stolas bodyguard, help him track down Olivia, save Stolas multiple times. He even bought a bunch of sex equipment and seems to do all the sexual favors. So yeah. It’s damn well in Blitzo right to think lowly of Stolas.

Man I hope and pray that the series dosnt have then be endgame.

Review 4/5. The song was ok. I like that the angels and government guys are back and have more power, hate Stolas.

#long post #helluva boss #helluva boss review #my thoughts #helluva boss episode 8 #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss spoilers

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vclvetfleur · 1 year ago

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Freak Show Chapter 6

Buggy x fem!reader

Summary: After landing on a new island, you've ran into a familiar face that you've had none stop thoughts and fantasizied about since the last time you've seen him.

TW: Dom buggy, degradation, NSFW, smut, MDNI

WC: 6.8K (25 words away for 6.9k)

Notes; This is my longest Buggy chapter yet. I am so proud of it. Im also not the greatest at writing smut. I hope you all are enjoying the fic so far. The updates aren't so frequent, but I hope you guys take time to lmk. Thank you :)

Chapter 6: 100,000,000 berries

Weeks have gone by, and you haven’t seen Buggy since. You were sure you’d love it this way, but a part of you felt a bit upset. You didn’t understand why. But there was something about his lack of presence that made a part of you feel empty all of a sudden. You shrugged it off most of the time. But the other day after raiding a village you had come across a familiar face. Buggy’s new wanted poster. 150,000,000. Wow. I guess the Marines weren’t too happy about the incident. You felt a mix of proud, but sadness. It was bittersweet. You ignored those feelings more and more.

You couldn’t miss him, and you weren’t going to allow yourself to.

You arrived back onboard, setting sail for a new place to settle and rob. You basically cleaned the whole village of all their belongings. And you didn’t need to kill that many of them either.

You laid in your quarters, staring at the ceiling, letting your thoughts go wild. You found every time you were alone you thought of the moment you swore to forget. You remembered every detail though. Every word. Every kiss. Every single thing. Especially the way he made you feel. You don’t think you ever laid with a man so determined to make you feel as good as you did. You found yourself staying up nights with your hand in your panties trying not to forget any minor detail of it.

You always finished with a waft of shame coming over you afterward. It was something you never saw coming in a million years. It almost felt like a really good nightmare.

You got up in the morning after tossing around for hours thinking about Buggy. You snuck off to the bathroom that attached to your room, opened the shower door, and slid inside. You turned the handle to let the hot water come over your body. You sighed, leaning your hair under the shower head before shampooing and conditioning it. Another perverted thought crept up and you immediately shook it out of your brain. He looked so good on top of you. Nope. You had to ignore these thoughts. You couldn’t do this to yourself.

This was beyond sick. You couldn’t be trusted with your own thoughts.

But neither could Vivienne. She had conversations with him nearly daily on their transponder snails. They spent hours into the night whispering to one another in fear of getting caught or found out. They didn’t feel good about sneaking around, but what they had seemed worth it to betray their captains like this.

“Where are you guys off to now?” Cabaji wondered, hoping he’d be able to get Buggy to set sail for where they were going as well. It’s almost half of the reason your crews were able to run into each other. The other reason was Buggy’s crazy obsession with ‘taking you down’. But it now seemed impossible now that both of your bounties were so high now. You sat at just 100,000,000 berries. 50,000,000 less than Buggy which bruises your ego a bit. But you were working on it. Your competitiveness always got the best of you. If you couldn’t get the highest bounty, you at least needed a higher one than Buggy. It seemed humiliating to be seen as less dangerous than him.

“I’m not too sure, we just left Longiana.” Vivienne huffed at the disappointment.

You couldn’t stand being alone in your room any longer. You pulled your hair in a silked veil to hide your wet hair before putting on your usual attire. You swiped on makeup before making your way out of the quarters. You were greeted by the crew, listening to concerns they had. Just questioned whatever was next. You had been raiding small villages, trying to keep low before having to go back to find the map of the grand line. It was far too dangerous, not just for you, but for everyone aboard the ship. Sure, the grand line is just as unsafe, but this was something preventable. You needed to act smart.

“Where the fuck is Vivienne?” You complained. You were sure she had a few plans she could recommend to you. She came up with decisions sometimes, it was just up to you whether it sounded like a good idea.

“Unsure ma’am. She hasn’t come out this morning. Even for breakfast.” Lily, a member of your crew announced. She was fairly new. She begged and begged to join, doing whatever it took. She tried to prove that she was brutal enough, but brutality wasn’t the only thing you searched for. The only reason you let her join was she had snuck onboard and stayed for days without anyone spotting her. She was quick. Sneaky. Smart. Logical. That’s what you looked for. And she was of good use to you. You had even brought her along to raids and she was able to sneak by food for the crew that would last you at least 3 weeks. The girl had everything it took to be granted the honor of joining you and your crew. She already had such deep dedication. She even won you over by saying she knew you’d be the one ruling every sea known. It was charming.

“Fuck- I’ll get her.” Your eyes rolled back. You couldn’t be sailing to nowhere. You needed a plan at the very least. You headed to her room and opened the door. Vivienne jumped in her bed, giving you an absolutely terrified look as if she had seen the world's scariest film and was told she’d die in 7 days after watching it.

“Oh keep your panties on. What do you recommend we do?” You questioned her.

“What if I was naked?” She asked you, clearly annoyed at the lack of privacy you granted her right now.

“I’ve seen it already. Not interested. Answer the question. None of these dumb fucks have a clue.” You shook your head, placing your hand against your temple, stressed out already after leaving Longiana. You were stressed even while at Longiana. You needed to plan something. You’ve never been so behind. You were always 5 steps ahead. But you felt like you were drowning. Nothing ever came to mind other than Buggy.

“go to Ginevia.” Cabaji whispered in her ear through her transponder. She hid it with her hair covering it.

“Uh- I think Ginevia might be a good place to lay low for a while. Little to no marines. Secluded. Bars everywhere. It seems good enough to stay…” Vivienne recommended. You waited for another village and Vivienne panicked. “Or maybe… fuck- sorry I didn’t get much sleep last night.” She quickly made up a lie to get you to leave.

“Fine Ginevia it is…” You murmured. “Get rest my love. I need my right-hand man…” You gave her some kind of affectionate words to make up for invading her privacy previously. Her lips turned to a light smile, a part of her dying inside knowing she lied to you.

“I love you.” She granted you that.

“Love you too. Don’t miss dinner today or I’ll barge in here again.” You revealed a smile to her. You rarely showed anyone on board this side of you. But Vivienne was special. Maybe it was all the years spent together or just the fact you’ve always put such trust in her that let you be this way. You never thought she could ever hurt you.

You retreated back to the crew and set course for Ginevia.

“See you later my love…” Cabaji mumbled. Vivienne's smile turned even bigger before pulling the transponder out of her ear. He managed to grant her a smile every time they spoke.

If you could see her, you’d be disgusted.

Hour rolled by and you kept yourself busy by ordering people around. You spent an ungodly and suspicious amount of time with them. You often retreated to your quarters or trained. But you didn’t trust being alone with your thoughts. A rumor flew around that Buggy tortured you and you had gotten a new respect for life and the crew. You knew any day could be your last and you wanted to be around people rather than a hermit. What a load of horse shit.

You even helped out with dinner and setting tables. You sat at the head table, watching people flood into the room. Soon you saw Vivienne as she had made a plate for herself. You spent most of the dinner just giggling and talking to Vivienne about nonsense. “NO! But remember when he was turning around the corner and slipped!” Vivienne cackled loudly.

“No! Please! I forgot! Stop-“You cried in between laughs. “The fuckwad slammed right into a wall and fell!” You let yourself laugh loudly.

“Please stop! My stomach hurts! I can’t!” Vivienne gripped her side, causing you to laugh even louder.

But unfortunately, this could not last the entire night. Slowly everyone left and Vivienne excused herself to her chambers, claiming she was exhausted. You got up and grabbed a bottle of wine before retreating on your own.

You spent the night downing an entire bottle before knocking into a deep slumber.

This became a habit you acquired until hitting Ginevia.

You stepped off the boat before making your way around the village. There were a lot of bars. Vivienne did not lie at all about that. You passed by a wall, seeing wanted posters scattered. Some familiar faces and a few new ones. Monkey D. Luffy… what a dumb name… Roronoa Zoro, the pirate hunter? Oh, there was a new cutie there too. Sanji… looks like a bit of an asshole, but whatever. Nami… God… Usopp. What a prick. Your eyes landed on two wanted posters freshly put up. Buggy the Clown and yours. You stared for a while.

You felt a tap on your shoulder, drawing your sword quickly, looking behind you. No one… Weird. You felt another. You turned around again. Nothing. You felt wind pick up and without looking, grabbed whatever was being thrown on your shoulder. You pulled it over to examine it to notice it was a gloved hand. Fuck- he was here.

You threw the hand on the floor, bringing your heel to it quickly. “Ow! Bitch!” Buggy yelped from the corner as he came back to retrieve what belonged to him. You couldn’t make any eye contact for whatever reason. You pulled your foot off and made an attempt to leave. You didn’t want to look at him out of fear of how you’d react. “Aww come on! Don’t leave me waiting! It was a joke!” Buggy called out for you.

You chose to ignore him and continued to leave him behind. You could not stand to. Be around him right now was not something you needed. This was enough to itch the craving you had for him. You felt the collar of your dress halts you from moving any further. “Buggy let go.” You demanded, a sternness in your voice.

“Oh, come on, you didn’t miss me? I sure missed you a lot.” Buggy attempted to flirt, your eyes rolling. You recoiled, leaning your body away from him.

“Why would I miss you?” You knew why. You did.

“Hmm might be because I fucked you till you barely could even say another word.” Buggy whispered. He was well aware of how embarrassed you had been afterward, but he knew you desired him just as much as he did. At least he tricked himself into believing it.

“Fucking whatever… Just that was the last time, okay? Leave it at that. You’re not my friend. Or my lover. Just some stupid obnoxious clown who can’t seem to leave me alone.” You spit venom his way, hoping he’d take the hint and leave you be. But you knew he wouldn’t.

“I was here first!” Buggy yelled like a child.

You just ignored him once again, vanishing in thin air. You wandered around, making sure not to bump into anyone to blow your cover. You took this time to steal from the small shops around town. But it seemed like you constantly ran into Buggy. Despite him not seeing you, it seemed like you couldn’t escape him. You finally had gone over an hour without running into him before seeing his wanted poster once again. You couldn’t do it any longer. You had to find him. Just to get this off your mind already.

You wandered around town, unable to find him. The only place he could be was his ship. You walked along the port before finding the boat with the obnoxious jolly roger with his makeup look painted on it. You couldn’t believe you were letting your urges get to you this much. You wondered around before finding his quarters. You opened and shut the door, reappearing in front of him. He sat at his desk creating a new map. He looked a lot less flashy than you were ever used to. You never even knew his hair was that long. You always just assumed it was a part of his hat. His hair was bound with a hair tie as he just sat in his usual striped shirt and pants. You couldn’t help but look at his arms. They were slim yet muscular with small scars scattered around them.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Buggy asked, putting his pen away, laying back in his chair. His head turned to you, waiting for a response.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about it since we left the Marine base. I wouldn’t come if I really just wanted to humiliate myself. So don’t make this as embarrassing as it needs to.” You confessed. It hurt to even have to say it. You never had to beg for what you wanted. But you’ve also never wanted something so bad.

“Oh, so you did miss me?” Buggy laughed at you. You groaned, wanting to make an attempt to leave, but you couldn’t pull yourself from doing so. “Beg then…” The room fell quiet. You’ve never had to submit to a man like this. Nor would you have ever allowed this kind of treatment.

“Fuck! Fine.. Plea-“ You began before Buggy cut you off. “No. On your knees and beg.” He ordered. You bit your lip contemplating if it was worth your dignity before lowering yourself on your knees.

“Please- I really just want you to fuck me again.” You begged for him.

“How much have you been thinking about me?” Buggy seemed to be entertained of the idea of you thinking about him. You huffed, ready to die of embarrassment. “Don’t act all shy now. You’re already on your knees.” Buggy pointed out, a laugh escaping his lips, enjoying seeing how seemingly easy this seemed for him now.

“Fuck- okay-… uh, like…” You couldn’t seem to actually confess any of this to him. You swallowed your pride eventually. “Every night. Whenever I’m alone, I always think about it. It’s the one thing I can’t get off my mind.” You quickly spewed out.

Buggy leaned in, seemingly interested in the fact. “Oh, so you really need it bad huh?” He asked. His elbows rested on his knees that spread apart from each other before returning to sit upright.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t need it.” You said in a sarcastic tone. “Now can the humiliation please end?” This was all so degrading for you. Having to beg for sex was something you never had to do. And having to do so much for slight attention didn’t make it any better.

“Oh, but darling, the humiliation just started.” Buggy laughed at your embarrassment. You shook your head, deciding you were too good for this. You already lost so much of your pride to continue to let this all occur to you. You got up from the floor, heading towards the door mumbling under your breath. “Un fucking believable.”

Buggy watched you for a bit before sending a hand to grab a fist full of your hair and dragging your entire body back onto the floor. You fell down against the wooden floorboard, your knees and hands attempted to catch you. Your eyes went over to Buggy as you heard his boots hitting the wood as he made his way towards you. “I’m not done having my fun.” Buggy bent down in front of you, his face filled with sinister and sadistic ideas of what to put you through.

“I’m not gonna sit here and be humiliated.” You tried to protest.

“Well it isn’t really about what you like right now. You came here. You said you wanted this. I thought you never went against your word…” Buggy continued to demean you, using your own words against you.

-14 months ago-

You had gotten back to your ship after a loot with a few of your crew to see the entire ship disheveled. A few of your crewmates tied against each other or poles that ran throughout the ship as things were thrown around.

A pit of boiling rage filled you up. You dropped whatever was in your hands, a large thud hitting the floor with small clinging continuously hitting the floor. Your hands grew clammy and your face grew hotter by the second. “What the fuck happened here? What the fuck did you idiots allow to happen here?” Your voice boomed throughout the main deck. You inched closer to one of the crewmates, snagging their bounds off of their mouth and grabbing the root of their hair to look your way. “You better give me a good reason that my shit was taken, or you all are being thrown overboard.” You threatened. Vivienne scrambled to assess the damage. “Don’t you think it's a bit harsh…” Vivienne quietly chimed in.

“Shut the fuck up! Unless all your shit is ripped apart and stolen because of incompetent fuckwads, then you have the right to tell me what’s too fucking harsh!” You lashed out before turning back to the scared crewmate. “Now- who the fuck did this?” Your words coming out slowly to demean the crewmate even further. You drew a dagger, placing it under their chin.

“B-b-buggy… His crew ambushed us… It was so fast we couldn’t see it coming…” She cried, snot and droll coming from her face and down to her chin. You pulled the dagger away and released her hair as if it was poisonous to the touch. “Where the fuck did he go?” You asked.

“Look for me?” Buggy called out, standing on a barrel that sat upon the quarter-deck. He held a rolled-up scroll in his hand, waving it around to mock you. Your vision turned completely red, drawing your sword and charging over to him.

Buggy laughed manically before sending a punch over. You drew your sword, swinging to deflect it. You knew it would not do anything to him, but in the moment anything seemed like a rational thought. You forgot he wasn’t normal. His hand reattached itself behind you before striking you in the back of the head. You stumbled, not ready to hit the floor yet. You recovered quickly before charging again. You disappeared, but your footsteps gave you away. Buggy threw punches, missing most of the time, but catching you once he heard your footsteps more clearly. You swung a sword at him repeatedly, chopping him into tiny pieces before he put himself together. You held a grip on your neck, throwing you against one of the shrouds. You reappeared before him, his fingers growing a tighter grip around your throat. His laugh grew more annoying to you than ever.

He stepped down with a bit of a flashy performative state as if he was ready to do a show for the entire ship, bouncing with every step. “Checkmate, sunshine.” He laughed before stepping onto the bowsprit. He jumped off, landing on a smaller boat. You were paralyzed as he left his hand there to keep you pinned. “You morons! Go get him!” You cried out. The only non-bounded crew attempted to grab a smaller boat before realizing they were all sunk and destroyed by Buggy's crew. “Captain we don’t have any…” One of them confessed. You were finally released, and you rushed over to the railing before screaming out into the sea.

“Fucking listen to me! I never go against my word! And I will not stop until you and your crew are fucking gone! I will do whatever it takes!” You cried out. You were completely and utterly embarrassed and defeated.

-now-

“You know…you always knew how to make a girl feel so special.” You said sardonically.

“I mean- I made you feel pretty special at the marine base didn’t I?” Buggy reminded you. It seemed like this was something that was constantly going to be held over your head.

“You’re fucking ridiculous…” You shook your head. You weren’t sure if you were willing to go through this humiliation anymore. You stood up, trying to get the point across.

“I mean- it is your choice.” Buggy hops off his large chair, taking steps towards you. He walked over to you like a dark cloud ready to engulf you in. “You could either leave and hold this embarrassment of sitting here on my floor begging for me or…” His gloved hand reached down to your chin gently as he lifted your head up to look him in the eye. “I can give you exactly what you’ve been apparently thinking about every single night.” His last words huffed out, mocking the desperation you obviously were in.

You fell for it almost immediately. Your legs grew weak, your chest rose up and down quicker and your body leaned into Buggy’s touch, so desperate for him to give you exactly what you were craving. You broke his gaze out of complete embarrassment of what you’ve become. You’ve never behaved this way towards any man. No one made you feel the way Buggy did.

Your eyes left his and to a bottle that he carried in his room. “Fine- but can I have a drink so I can at the very least?” You needed more courage. Something to break the persona you had going for you.

Buggy’s hand flew to the bottle that he watched your eyes revert to, grabbing it before landing it back in between the two of you. “If it makes you less of a prude, be my guest.” His lips curled into a smirk. His finger flung the cap off before handing it over to you. You took a heavy breath, preparing for the awful strong taste before taking a pretty hefty swig. You’ve gotten a lot more used to it due to your time at sea. But it never got easy or tasted good enough.

You took a few more, gagging at the taste before setting it down. “I’m not a fucking prude by the way. I just need some sense of dignity.” You insulted him.

“You lost that bit of dignity the moment you came in. here begging me to fuck you.” He pointed out. He grabbed the bottle before taking a drink out of it with no problem. Just another way Buggy wanted to show off to you. The bottle sat back down on the counter, Buggy turning right back to you. His hand laid on your lower back, pulling your body against his significantly larger one. Your eyes laid on him, taking in everything you found strangely beautiful about it like the day at the Marine base.

Buggy leaned forward, pressing rough kisses into the nap of your neck, biting down a few times. You wanted to protest in fear of having marks being left on you for your crew to see, but the euphoria from it left you speechless. Only a few murmurs and whimpers left your lips. Buggy held your body up, holding you close to him as his kisses peppered down your collarbone. A few gasps left your lips, his teeth sinking into your skin, growing hungrier the more noises you made.

“You really want me that badly?” his voice in a rough tone, undoing your shirt, eager to see you the way he did just a few weeks ago. He exposed you to himself, taking in the sight before toying with your breasts.

You couldn’t help but let out another small whimper, nodding to his question. “Nu-uh. Verbalize your words, darling.” His lips curled into a sinister grin.

“Fuck-“ You were finally able to mutter something out. “Yes- Yes Buggy, I want you. Really really bad.” You gave him what he wanted. You just knew this would boost his ego tremendously.

“You’re a lot more pathetic than I assumed you were.” He couldn’t help himself. You always kept such a hard cold exterior. No one knew the real new under the persona you played. Maybe it wasn’t even a persona. Who knew? But he was able to crack the persona and get such a new version of you. It was so easy to him. There was a bit of pushback, but he was able to see something about almost no one ever got to see.

His hands roamed down your body, pressing his lips across your neck and shoulder. He grabbed the skirt you had on, putting his hand underneath. His fingers grazed the outside of your underwear, laughing to himself. “And you’re already so soaked…” He continued to pester you. “On the floor.” He ordered. You nodded, taking a seat down in front of him, completely at his will. “You look so much prettier at this angle.” His fingers caressed your cheek.

You were so distracted, staring at him to realize his hand made its way back under your skirt. You felt a pressure press up against you, a moan escaping your lips. “So much prettier when you’re acting like a little whore like this.” Buggy’s gaze grew darker, thinking of sinister things to do to you. His fingers rubbed circles over your clit, growing faster and faster. Your whimpers and moans got louder.

His fingers moved your panties to the side, sliding two fingers into you. You gasped at the suddenness. His fingers pumped into you slowly at first but grew quicker over time. You gripped your thighs, letting moans slip through your lips.

You bucked your hips but felt the absence of his fingers. “You’re not cuming without me, sweetheart. You gotta work for it.” You sat up straighter, reaching for the waistband of his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers. His cock sprang up, hard already from watching you squirm around under his touch.

Your hands wrapped around his shaft, pumping him before bringing the head of his cock into your mouth. Your lips wrapped around him, bobbing your head. You removed your hands the more of him you took into your mouth. Buggy’s lips faintly pulled apart as his breathing grew heavier, soft moans leaving his lips. “Look up at me.” He called out to you. You obeyed, your eyes meeting his. He admired you for a second before snapping back to before.

He grew hotter, pulling his shirt off, throwing it off somewhere in the room, fully exposing himself to you. His hand grabbed a fist full of your hair, pushing your head down quickly. You gagged against him, his cock hitting the back of your throat. He watched you struggle to breathe, tears forming at the corners of your eyes before finally pulling you back to get some air. He let you gain control once again. He threw his head back, letting a moan slip out his lips before staring down at you once again.

Your pace grew faster, trying to concentrate on making him feel as good as he made you feel. “You look so much better with my cock in your mouth, you know that?” he attempted to say through heavy breaths. He felt himself grow closer before pulling away from you. He pulled you up by your hair, dragging you as he did so.

You yelped, following his guide as he finally released your hair out of his grip. “Take it off… All of it.” He sat down at the edge of his bed, his eyes laid on your body.

“You are such a pervert, y’know that?” You said before pulling off your skirt painfully slowly in Buggy’s opinion. “I’m not the one sneaking onto ships for a late-night booty call, am I? I think the real pervert is you.”

He made a valid point that you couldn’t argue. You stripped for him, baring yourself completely for him. He had no words. Nothing snarky or petty. He just sat there and admired you. He didn’t get to actually stare as much as he wanted to at the Marine Base. This time he had a complete view of you. “On the bed. Now.”

You took soft, unrushed steps towards the bed. Buggy grew impatient, grabbing your waist and pulling you onto the bed. You felt his hand strike your cheek, holding it before it started to burn. “You’re gonna listen to everything I say tonight, got it?” He threatened before wrapping his hand around your throat. “Now, are you gonna be a stupid fucking whore or are you gonna be good?” he asked, warning you of your answer as his grasp tightened around your neck.

“Can’t I be both?” You answered sarcastically. Your air flow grew more restricted. Buggy’s jaw tightened as he gave you one last warning. “I don’t know. Do you want to be able to cum tonight? Or am I gonna have you all I want and send you fantasizing about me more?”

You took time to think, wanting to test the waters a bit more before feeling another strike hit your cheek. “Times clicking. Come on, even though I wish we did, we don’t have all night.” “Fine- I’ll try to be good..” You reluctantly replied. Buggy had no choice but to take that response. His lips crashed against yours, moving his grip from your throat back onto your hair. He tugged at it slightly. Your lips move in unison together.

Buggy’s lips moved down to your jaws, making his way down as he peppered kisses down your body.

His lips ended at your inner thighs. You squirmed, eager for him to touch you again. You whimpered, needing him to finally give you what you wanted.

“You’re such a pathetic whore.” He laughed lowly. His hand reached over, lets his fingers graze you slightly. You twitched, bucking your hips for more.

“Please-please just touch me…” You began begging. His painted lips grew into a mischievous smirk. He was enjoying every second of breaking you down completely at his whim.

“Say my name.” He knew it would only break you more.

You groaned at the request but gave in quickly. “Please Buggy- Please just fucking touch me. Fuck me. Just please.”

He obeyed your plea. His thumb pressed light pressure against your clit, rubbing small circles. You gripped onto his sheets, covering your face to muffle out your moans as you let out an ‘oh fuck.” Immediately after. Your cheeks flushed red. Buggy ripped the sheets away from you. “Nu-uh… you wanted this. No need to be so embarrassed now.” He had to have a humiliation kink. If you’d let him, you wouldn’t doubt that he would have you chained and forced to walk around him in public.

His head leaned closer to your cunt, finally letting his tongue glide across your folds. Your back arched, your breath growing uneasy. His tongue swiped up and down, finding the perfect pace. His movements grew fasters as his thumb left your clit, being replaced with his tongue. He sucked on your clit a few times, loving the reaction you gave him every time.

“Fuck me- please just fuck me. I want you in me right now.” You interrupted him. He pulled away quickly, hoping you’d ask even sooner.

“You’re such a greedy whore.” He lined himself up with you before pushing himself inside you. His moan syncing with yours. Your hand gripped onto his muscular lean arm, After pumping into you a few times, you adjusted to his size. He spent no time trying to get you to get used to him. His hips slammed against your ass furiously, leaving the room with nothing but the sound of skins slapping together and breathy whimpers and moans. He leaned forward, bringing your leg up to give him more access to you.

You both caught each other's gaze before Buggy pushed your head to the side, pressing it against the bed, using you as nothing but support as he used your body as his own personal sex toy. Something about it made it so much better to you. There was no passion. Just sex. You both were using each other and that’s exactly how you wanted it to remain. Just dirty, animalistic sex. His thrust grew faster causing you to buck your hips towards him. You needed him.

His hand moved away from your face, wrapping around your throat tightly. He squeezed your throat as he would whenever you two would get into small battles with each other. He couldn’t keep his eyes away from you. His other hand moved to the back of your head, moving it up roughly, forcing you to watch him fuck you. “You like watching yourself get fucked?” He hissed before striking you once more, moving his hand back to your throat.

“Yes- I love it.” You cried. Your moans grew out of sync and faster once you were about to hit your limit. You couldn’t hold out longer, cumming all over his cock as he continued to fuck you. Your cheek stung after his open hand swung across your cheek. His hand gripped your jaw, forcing your attention to him. “I didn’t tell you when you could cum, did I?” he sounded furious, slapping you again.

You shook your head. Tears began to leak down your face, ruining the makeup you had put on earlier in the day. Dark black streaks of make-up ran down your cheek. “You’re such a whore. You couldn’t wait, could you?” He berated you. You shook your head again. Buggy spit across your face, causing your makeup to run even more. “Just a little plaything for me to use.” Buggy continued.

“I-I’m sorry…” You attempted to say. You were already reaching a second climax. “Please let me cum again…” You learned. He trained you to be exactly what he wanted.

“Not until I say you can.” Buggy gripped your hips, using them to move against him as he thrusted into you. As he got closer, his thrusts grew sloppier, mainly using his grip on you to bounce you against him. “Fuck-“ he muttered out of breath. He pulled out of you, jerking himself off over you. You propped yourself up with your elbows, sticking your tongue out. “You’re so fucking disgusting.” He laughed at you. He leaned in, spitting in your mouth before shoving two of his fingers deep down your throat before pulling them out to replace his cock. He laid the head of his cock against your tongue before letting his cum release onto your tongue and a bit of your face. He pulled away before getting off the bed. He kneeled down, grabbing your legs, pulling you forward. He dived back into your cunt, this time with a quicker pace. His fingers entered you, pumping into you. Before he knew it, you began begging for him to let you cum. And he granted you the right. You climaxed, cumming around his fingers. You were left completely sore.

“I need to take a fucking bath…” Realization hit you. Your face was covered in spit and cum and your body littered with not just your sweat, but Buggy’s as well.

“Ya it’s on the right.” Buggy pointed out the bathroom. He was a lot softer and sweeter than he was just a few minutes away. “Do you need a towel?” He asked, getting up to check on you. Mostly out of concern and some for other perverted reasons.

“Uh- I think I found them…” You mumbled. You entered Buggy’s bathroom, taken aback by the luxuries he apparently had on board. Makes sense for someone who was obsessed with themselves you guessed. You didn’t bother closing the door. You filled the tub up, putting soap in it before sliding into it. “You can watch… I know you really want to pervert.” You called out to him. “Already a step ahead of you.” He called back out, laying on his back, taking a peak at you from the comfort of his own bed.

You grabbed a wash rag, scrubbing your body down before washing your face off. You removed all the makeup you spent time putting on earlier today. You were never really comfortable with people seeing you without makeup. You weren’t too comfortable with people seeing you naked either. And Buggy has seen one of those already. So it seemed less of a big deal. You drained the bath, stepping out. You patted yourself dry before coming back to the bedroom in search of your clothes.

“Why don’t you spend the night?” Buggy proposed.

“Why? So your crew could rob us?” You questioned.

“You can go check on my crew. Half of them are setting up for the show tomorrow or getting black out drunk tonight.” Buggy offered. You scoffed, continuing your search. “Please-.” You heard Buggy’s pleads. You sighed, looking him down before giving in.

“Fine… But this won’t ever happen again. Got it?” You warned. Just like you did at the Marine base.

“Fucking yea yea. Go on. You’re the leader here.” Buggy returned to his sarcastic self after making himself look like a complete fool. You didn’t bother looking for your clothes before sneaking into his bed. It was almost like getting onto a cloud. Either Buggy robbed some rich elite prick or Buggy dropped an obscene amount of berries for it. Judging by Buggy’s room and his clear taste for luxury, you already knew which one it was.

You rested your head onto one of his pillows, letting your body rest. You didn’t realize how tired you actually were. You felt an eeriness, turning your head to see Buggy examining you. “Please don’t mention it.” You begged.

“You’re a lot less intense without all of that on…” Buggy mentioned it.

You shielded your face, groaning from embarrassment. “We all have personas. You have your clown thing. I have my intense dark thing. Drop it. Please.” “I think it looks rather nice. Cuter. Less stabby.” Buggy tried to compliment and joke to ease your discomfort. You unshielded yourself, nodding and taking the compliment.

“Thank you Buggy.” You mumbled. Your body turned to him. Your eyes attempted to stay awake for his sake and for fear of him betraying you. “See. Adorable. Like a little rabbit.” Buggy chuckled. He cautiously scooted closer to you and rested his hand on your hip. His hand slowly stroked your hip, not able to keep his eyes off you. He leaned in to press a kiss over you before you pulled away. “I don’t think that’s a great idea. We’re not having sex. You don’t need to play house with me.” You warned. You didn’t want to break a boundary. It bruised Buggy’s ego, but he covered it quickly.

“No round 2? You’re right. I’m tired too.” He tried to quickly recover. You felt guilty, but it was too much intimacy.

A silence fell over the two of you as you laid there, attempting to sleep. The awkwardness keeping you both up. You broke the silence. “You can hold me if you want…” You whispered.

It was dark inside the room, allowing Buggy to truly express how he felt. His lips grew into a huge goofy smile before wrapping his arms around you reluctantly. But in reality, that’s all he wanted. “I get it. The dark can be scary.” Buggy mocked you.

“Shut up and go to sleep.” You retaliated.

You leaned into one another. Your head resting over his chest and his arms wrapped around your waist. Your hand rested on his toned arms. He rubbed circles into your hips, relaxing you. You both knocked out, wrapped around each other.

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You woke up early enough to make your escape unknown. You checked on Buggy to see if he was awake. Poor thing. You didn’t want to break his heart. You dressed yourself and gathered all your belongings.

Even the map to the grand line Buggy stole from you months ago. You vanished within thin air and escaped the boat. You woke your entire crew up, faking a story of a terrible encounter with Buggy. Thankfully you had enough time to cover your marks up, leaving a few to make the fight look believable. Your legs were littered with bruises. Your arm had a few scratches, and your chest had a few scattered around.

And there. You left port for a new island to hide out to.

Notes: This fan fic really represents how i've felt after realizing i was attracted to a clown rather than a normal character in the show

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