#i never was a directioner so i don’t really know him

[manny-jacinto]

Liam Payne died

i saw that…. RIP

[harryssyndrome]

Best Brother Ever | h.s

Pairing: Husband!Dad!Harry x Wife!Mom!Reader

summary: a sweet Sunday afternoon with the styles family and Alex being the best big brother.

Word count: 2.6k || MASTERLIST 𓇼🌊⋆🐚🫧

Posted On: November 7th, 2024

I got really inspired by a cute reel I saw on Facebook and since then this sweet fluff has been sitting in my drafts for months and I’m really happy with how it turned out! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do ♡ let me know your thoughts in comments! Like & reblog are truly appreciated 🥰 REQUEST ARE OPEN.

It was a peaceful Sunday morning in the Styles household, and the cozy, familiar sounds of home filled the air. In the kitchen, YN moved around with practiced ease, stirring a pot, chopping vegetables, and tasting spices with a focused concentration. She’d been at it for a while now, determined to make Harry’s mom, Anne, feel right at home with her favorite dish. In the background, 18 by One Direction played softly, and YN found herself humming along, her voice a gentle echo to the lyrics.

Though the band had gone on indefinite hiatus years ago, and each of the boys had branched off into their own solo careers, YN hadn’t stopped listening. She was a Directioner through and through, and she knew in her heart she’d never let go of those songs—they were part of her story, her history with Harry, and her dreams.

Meanwhile, in the living room, their six-year-old son, Alex, was lying on the mat with Berry, their playful family dog, gently scratching behind Berry’s ears. Berry’s tail thumped in delight, and Alex giggled as the dog rolled over, waiting for belly rubs. The two were inseparable, each one the other’s partner in mischief.

After a few minutes, Alex felt a tickle of thirst, and with his usual burst of energy, Alex stopped scratching and said, “Oh Berry didn’t you get tired of all the scratching? I know, I know you were enjoying it but it’s time for a break, I’m thirsty. You don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone! Granny likes it when you’re a good boy.” He then sprang up and ran to the kitchen, tiny footsteps echoing across the hardwood floor.

“Alex, no running in the kitchen, remember?” YN gently reminded him, glancing over her shoulder with a smile.

Alex skidded to a stop, giving her an innocent look. “Sorry, Mama.” He then carefully walked to the fridge, his small hand reaching for a water bottle. After unscrewing the cap and taking a long sip, he paused, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.

Looking up at his mom, he noticed how she’d been working by the stove for a while. The warmth from the flames made the kitchen a bit stuffy, and in that moment, his little mind put two and two together. Carefully holding out the bottle to her, he asked, “Mama, do you want some water too?”

YN paused, touched by the thoughtful gesture. The little boy was caring just like his father. Her heart swelled with pride and warmth at her son’s understanding, and she leaned down to pull his cheeks before pressing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Thank you, sweetheart. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

Alex beamed up at her, delighted by her kiss, and handed her the bottle with a shy smile. YN took a small sip, her heart feeling full in the best way possible. Moments like these, simple and unassuming, were what made her life feel so complete.

YN glanced around the kitchen, realizing she hadn’t seen Harry in a while. She turned to Alex, who was still grinning from her earlier kiss, and asked, “Where’s your daddy?”

Alex paused, looking thoughtful. “He’s giving Amelia a bath!” he replied brightly.

YN chuckled, wiping her hands on a towel. “Don’t you think he’s taking a little too long?”

Without another word, Alex took off down the hall, announcing over his shoulder, “I’m gonna check!”

YN shook her head, smiling to herself as she continued stirring the pot. But barely a minute later, she heard Alex’s laughter ring out, loud and delighted, carrying all the way back to the kitchen. Curious, she wiped her hands and followed the sound down the hallway, wondering what on earth could have him so amused.

When she reached the bathroom, she found Alex standing at the doorframe, giggling uncontrollably. YN peeked over his shoulder, and the sight before her was too good not to laugh herself.

Harry stood by the sink, almost drenched, his shirt soaked and clinging to him, while his hair, wet and messy, hung down in front of his eyes. Amelia, their 15-month-old daughter, squirmed in his arms, wrapped in a fluffy towel that he was struggling to keep around her tiny, wiggling frame. Amelia, completely entertained, let out a series of squeals and giggles, delighted by the whole chaotic scene.

Harry looked up, his eyes meeting YN’s as he tried—and failed—to blow a strand of wet hair out of his face. “She’s, uh… a slippery one,” he said with a helpless smile, shifting Amelia as she kicked her tiny feet, clearly thrilled by all the attention.

YN chuckled, stepping into the bathroom to take over. “I think you’ve gotten just as much of a bath as she has,” she teased, reaching for Amelia.

“Believe me, I know,” Harry replied, surrendering his squirming daughter into YN’s arms. As soon as she was safely in her mother’s embrace, Amelia nuzzled into YN, her little face lighting up with another round of happy giggles.

Alex, still laughing, tugged at Harry’s soaked shirt. “Daddy, you’re all wet!”

Harry ruffled Alex’s hair, a lopsided grin on his face. “Well, that’s what happens when you try to bathe a little mermaid,” he joked, winking at YN.

YN smiled, cradling Amelia close as the baby snuggled into her, finally calm. Glancing up at Harry, she added with a playful grin, “Maybe next time I’ll leave the bath duty to you again. You look like you’re having way too much fun.”

Harry raised his hands in surrender, laughing. “Only if I get a raincoat next time.”

With everyone still giggling, the air filled with warmth and laughter. For YN, it was yet another reminder of how these simple, unplanned moments held the truest joy.

After drying Amelia’s soft curls and dressing her in an adorable denim overall dress, YN gave her a little pat, sending her off with Alex, who eagerly took her tiny hand. “Come on, Amelia! Let’s play in the backyard!” he declared, guiding her to the door as she toddled along, wide-eyed and giggling.

Meanwhile, Harry changed out of his soaked clothes and slipped into a comfortable hoodie and shorts. Feeling refreshed, he wandered back to the kitchen to find YN putting the finishing touches on lunch. She was focused, stirring one last pot, her face glowing with that contented look he loved.

“Smells amazing,” he murmured, slipping his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. She relaxed into him, smiling as she gave the pot one final stir.

“Thank you,” she replied, turning her head slightly to meet his gaze. “I wanted everything to be perfect for your mom.”

Harry pressed a light kiss to her cheek. “It already is perfect. Besides, Mom’s really coming to see you and the kids. I’m just… here for decoration,” he joked, earning a laugh from YN.

She turned to face him, resting her hands on his chest. “Pretty good decoration, I’d say,” she teased back, her eyes sparkling. “Can’t say I mind having you around.”

He grinned, taking her hand in his. “And I can’t say I mind this whole thing… you, me, the kids, Sunday lunches. I think we’re doing alright, don’t you?”

YN’s smile softened, her heart warmed by his words. “I’d say we’re doing better than alright.”

When lunch was ready, they carried everything to the living room and settled comfortably on the sofa, filling their plates and savoring each other’s company in the cozy quiet. Berry, their loyal dog, lay stretched out on the floor nearby, watching them with sleepy eyes, as though content to be part of their little family moment. But the peace didn’t last long; as soon as Berry heard the sound of laughter from the backyard, he was on his feet and bounding toward the door, ready to join Alex and Amelia in whatever adventure they were up to.

Harry and YN shared a glance, amused, and Harry sighed with a laugh. “Should we go see what they’re getting into out there?”

YN nodded, grinning. “Definitely.”

Hand in hand, they headed toward the backyard porch deck, hearts full and laughter on their lips, ready to join in on the joy of the afternoon.

Harry and YN strolled out into the backyard, enjoying the sight of Alex and Berry playing an enthusiastic game of chase. Alex was giggling as he kicked the ball across the grass, Berry hot on his heels, barking and wagging his tail, clearly in his element.

But their attention quickly turned to little Amelia, who was standing by the swing set, her tiny fingers gripping the seat as she attempted to climb up. She’d tugged it down a few times, her determination evident in her scrunched-up face, but every time she tried to lift her legs, they just didn’t reach. She let out a tiny, frustrated squeal, her cheeks pink with effort.

Alex spotted her from across the yard and immediately abandoned his ball game, trotting over with Berry following close behind. “I’m coming, Amy! I’ll help you,” he declared, a serious expression crossing his little face. The way he spoke, it was as if he were preparing to climb a mountain, not help his baby sister onto a swing.

He placed a comforting hand on Amelia’s shoulder, patting her gently. “Don’t worry, Amy. I’ll get you up there,” he reassured her. Berry sat down nearby, tilting his head as if watching the scene unfold with keen interest.

Alex held the swing steady, lowering it slightly to make it easier for her to grab. Amelia gave it her best shot, tugging herself forward and then clinging to her brother’s back, her small legs kicking as she tried to hoist herself up. But she kept slipping back down with a tiny thud, her face scrunched in concentration.

Seeing her struggle, Alex crouched down thoughtfully, tapping his chin with one finger like he’d seen his dad do when he was deep in thought. “Okay, hm… maybe try to use my back like a lil’ stool?” he offered, glancing up at her with a hopeful smile. “I’ll be like a step!”

Amelia’s eyes lit up, and she gave him an excited nod, as if this was the most brilliant plan she’d ever heard. Alex crouched down in front of the swing, bracing himself. “Alright, Amy, climb on!” he called out, his voice full of determination.

With a delighted giggle, Amelia leaned onto her brother’s back and clutched his T-shirt with her chubby little hands. She climbed as best as she could, trying to pull herself up—but her grip on his shirt only tightened as she clambered, her arms slipping around his neck. Alex winced, his voice coming out in a slightly strained laugh. “Amy… you’re kinda… choking me,” he gasped, though he kept steady, determined to help her however he could.

Harry and YN watched from nearby, biting back their laughter as Alex tried to be the perfect big brother, his determination and care making them both melt a little inside. Berry, still sitting close by, tilted his head again, ears perked as he followed every bit of the action.

Eventually, Alex, catching his breath, stood up, looking down at his sister with a thoughtful frown. “Alright, Amy, let’s try it another way,” he said, more determined than ever to help her reach her goal.

He pointed at the swing seat with a very serious expression, bending down to her level. “Just try to sit on it. Right here,” he said, gesturing to the exact spot where she should aim. “Watch, I’ll show you.”

With exaggerated care, he climbed onto the swing himself, wiggling around on the seat to demonstrate how to sit properly. Then he hopped off and held the swing firmly in place again, giving her an encouraging nod. “Okay, now you try.”

Amelia looked at him, wide-eyed with admiration for her big brother, and then turned back to the swing. She grasped it carefully with both hands, her face full of concentration, and this time, after a few wobbly attempts, she managed to pull herself up, finally plopping down on the seat with a triumphant squeal.

Alex’s face broke into a huge grin. “You did it, Amy!” he cheered, clapping his hands. “You’re a big girl now!”

Amelia giggled, her cheeks flushed with excitement, and Alex gave the swing a gentle push, sending her gliding back and forth, her delighted squeals filling the backyard. Each time she swung forward, she let out a little giggle, her laughter filling the air.

Harry and YN stood side by side, their arms wrapped around each other as they watched Alex carefully push Amelia on the swing. Her joyful squeals mixed with the gentle creak of the swing, and Alex’s steady encouragement filled the air. Berry trotted nearby, tail wagging, occasionally glancing up as if to make sure everything was under control.

Harry tightened his arm around YN’s shoulders, pulling her close as he shook his head in admiration. “He’s… he’s really the best big brother, isn’t he?” he said, his voice soft with awe. “Look at him—so gentle with her, so patient. I can’t believe he’s only six.”

YN beamed, her eyes fixed on their son as she watched him push Amelia with such care, his face serious with concentration, as if he were on an important mission. “I know,” she replied, her voice warm with pride. “He’s amazing with her, isn’t he? Always looking out for her, always so sweet. I feel like we’re really… doing something right.”

Harry looked down at her, a playful glint in his eyes. “Well, I think you’re doing most of it right,” he teased, bumping her shoulder with his. “I’m just here to make sure they know how to make a mess and have fun.”

YN laughed, nudging him back. “Oh, please, Harry—you’re their hero. Every time you walk in, they light up. You’re like their personal superhero.”

Harry chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t know about ‘superhero,’ but… seeing them like this, watching them take care of each other? That’s everything.” He paused, his gaze softening as he looked back at Alex and Amelia. “They’re so lucky to have each other. And I think… we’re pretty lucky to have them, too.”

YN nodded, her heart swelling as she took in the scene—their two little ones, working together, supporting each other in their own innocent, unfiltered way. “It’s moments like these that make it all worth it, don’t they?” she murmured, leaning her head against his shoulder. “All the late nights, all the messy meals and chaotic mornings… all of it. Seeing them happy, and kind, and just… them.”

Harry gave her a soft smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “We’ve got a good thing going, don’t we?” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I couldn’t imagine a better team than this. You and me… and these two.” He gestured toward Alex and Amelia, his eyes crinkling with pride. “We’re doing something right, YNN. I know we are.”

Just then, Alex looked over his shoulder and spotted his parents watching. His face lit up with pride, and he called out, “Look, Mum! Dad! Amy’s swinging! I got her up here all by myself!”

YN and Harry exchanged a warm glance before waving back, beaming with pride. “You’re the best big brother, Alex!” YN called out, giving him a big thumbs-up. “Amy’s so lucky to have you.”

Alex’s cheeks flushed with pride, and he turned back to Amelia, giving her swing another gentle push. “Did you hear that, Amy? Mum and Dad said I’m the best big brother ever!” he whispered to her, smiling from ear to ear.

Watching him, Harry gave YN’s hand a gentle squeeze. “We’re raising some pretty great kids, aren’t we?” he murmured, his eyes sparkling with pride. “If nothing else, I’d say we’re getting that part just right.”

YN looked up at him, her eyes shining. “Couldn’t agree more.”

[vinylmango]

On our own terms

Nicholas Alexander Chavez x famous!black!reader

Description: Rumors begin to swirl about whatever is going on between Nicholas and (y/n). The pair share mutual friends, but that doesn’t have to mean anything…

Warnings: none that I can think of right now

Sorry if the formatting is weird, I wrote this on my phone 😅

PARTS: ONE two three four five

masterlist

———

(y/n)

tagged: sofcruz

Liked by sofcruz, zendaya, taylorzakharperez, and 1,532,421 others

(y/n) love an impromptu friends trip

sofcruz I’m already organizing the next one 👩🏼‍💻

> (y/n) yes pls hopefully Z and Tom can come next time

> zendaya yes pls 🙏🏽

user1 so are we just not acknowledging the soft launch…or…

user2 “friends trip”…yeah…ok 👀 we see that last slide girl

zendaya so happy for you 🥺

> (y/n) 🥺💗

user3 God I see what you have done for others…WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN

> user4 real 🫠

user5 idk who I’m more jealous of (y/n) because he looks hot or him because it’s (y/n) and she is everything 😭

> user6 welcome to bi panic

(y/n)loml Face card is deadly. Digging my grave as i type this

(y/n)loml just fallen to my knees in the middle of walmart

View more comments…

nicholasalexanderchavez

tagged: cooperkoch, nicholasgalitzine, taylorzahkarperez

Liked by nicholasgalitzine, nicchavezismine, and 500,000 others

nicholasalexanderchavez much needed filming break

nicholasgalitzine still not over that football defeat are you?

> nicholasalexanderchavez it was a tie and you know it

taylorzakharperez unfortunately back to the grind 😔

nicchavezismine the first slide is my new lockscreen 😍😍😍

user1 are we going to ignore the legs that are obviously not his in the last pic?

user2 she’s so lucky but I know she’s probably hot so he’s lucky too 😭

user3 that should be me holding your hand 😭 THAT SHOULD BE ME MA-

lexiloo6 hi (louder than everyone else)

> user4 GET IN LINE

lexiloo6 BODY-ODY-ODY 🤤

lexiloo6 just say the word i am yours any time any place

lexiloo6 i am so down bad for this man it’s not even funny

View more comments…

(y/n)

Liked by sofcruz, jazzsinclair, nicholasalexanderchavez, and 1,602,120 others

(y/n) I love nature…almost as much as I love you

sofcruz ugh this is so cute. I could never wake up that early

> (y/n) it was worth it

> sofcruz literally meant for each other

nicholasalexanderchavez nature girl 🌺🌿

> liked by (y/n)

jazzsinclair love this

user1 his back is hot…is that weird to say?

> user2 no girl. We get it

itswes aren’t you directionally challenged?

> (y/n) you get lost twice and your brother will never let it go 🙄

> itswes praying for him to make it back. he’s way cooler than you are

> (y/n) love you too 😃

nicchavezismine simply here bc he liked. Although I don’t really see much to like…

> goddess(y/n) prime example of joblessness kids

(y/n)loml how are you real?! I’m so in love with you

(Y/n)loml just one chance (y/n) I just need one chance

(Y/n)loml marry me. If you could just sign the license I’ve already done the rest

> user3 real

View more comments…

nicholasalexanderchavez

Liked by (y/n), timotheechalamet, and 800,000 others

nicholasalexanderchavez another item off the bucket list ⛰️ and I’m so happy I got to do it with you

nicholasgalitzine Sick photo dude. How long did the hike take?

> nicholasalexanderchavez like almost 3 hours but it was worth it for the pic

nicchavezismine he’s so fit 😍 I’d hike with you any day 💗

> user1 um…anyways…

(y/n) nature boy 🌿✨

> liked by nicholasalexanderchavez

sofcruz jeez you’re high up 😬

> nicholasalexanderchavez lol you know there’s a path right?

> sofcruz I am NOT outdoorsy

>> (y/n) but I love you anyways 💗 we balance each other out

>> sofcruz we do 🥺💗 love you. The yin to my yang

>>user2 lol not the sof and (y/n) love fest in his comments 😂 thats so random. Love them

lexiloo6 God you are hot

lexiloo6 so thankful I get to breathe the same air as you

lexiloo6 I’m flexible!

> user3 LMAOOO real

lexiloo6 the shirt is white next question

> user4 you are so delulu but so real girl

View more comments…

[burningred1989]

UNDERDOG PT. 3

A/N: Last part of the “Underdog”

Y’all know I’m a sucker for making Simon Cowell the villain ;)

Underdog | PART 2

MASTERLIST

<<<<<

Niall had never been happier. Since he and Y/N started dating, his world had become brighter. Their days were filled with simple joys—museum dates where they laughed over silly exhibits, theme park adventures that left them breathless from screaming on roller coasters, cozy movie nights where they’d argue over which snacks to share, and board game battles that usually ended in Niall accusing Y/N of cheating, both of them in fits of laughter. For the first time, Niall felt truly seen and loved for who he was, not just as a member of One Direction.

Fans noticed the change in him almost immediately. His energy on stage was infectious, his interviews were filled with laughter, and his social media posts carried a warmth that hadn’t been there before. Directioners began speculating about the person behind his happiness.

But not everyone saw this as a good thing. One Direction’s management, always focused on maintaining the band’s image, viewed Y/N as a distraction. They summoned both Niall and Y/N to a meeting, the tension in the air palpable as they entered the sleek, sterile office.

Simon Cowell sat at the head of the table, flanked by other executives. The other boys—Harry, Liam, Louis, and Zayn—were seated along the side, their expressions uneasy.

“Niall,” Simon began, his tone sharp, “we’ve noticed a change in you lately. While it’s great that you’re happy, this… relationship is becoming a distraction. We need you focused on the band.”

Niall frowned, his jaw tightening. “A distraction? She’s not a distraction. She’s the reason I’ve been performing better, feeling better.”

Simon leaned forward, his gaze cold. “This isn’t about feelings. This is about what’s best for the band. You need to end it. Immediately.”

Niall’s face reddened, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “Are you serious? You’re asking me to break up with someone who makes me feel loved and appreciated? Do you have any idea what that means to me? Especially after everything you’ve done to make me feel like I’m not enough?”

The room fell silent.

Niall’s voice cracked as tears began streaming down his face. “You’ve turned my mic down during performances so the others could be heard more. You’ve made me feel like the underdog in my own band. And now, when I finally have someone who sees me for me, you want to take that away too?”

The other boys exchanged guilty glances, their faces pale. Harry looked down at his hands, Zayn rubbed the back of his neck, Liam bit his lip, and Louis blinked rapidly, fighting back his own emotions. None of them had realized how deeply Niall had been hurt.

Simon, however, remained unmoved. “This isn’t personal, Niall. It’s business. If you don’t end this, we’ll have no choice but to remove you from the band.”

Niall’s breath hitched, the weight of the ultimatum crushing him. “You’d really kick me out? After everything we’ve built together?”

Y/N, who had been sitting quietly in the corner, tears streaming down her face as she watched the love of her life break apart, couldn’t stay silent any longer. She stood, her voice trembling but firm.

“I’ll leave,” she said, her words cutting through the tension like a blade.

Niall’s head snapped toward her, his eyes wide. “Y/N, no—”

She shook her head, her tears falling faster. “I’ll do whatever you want,” she said to Simon, her voice breaking. “Just don’t ruin his career. Please.”

Simon’s lips curled into a small, satisfied smile. “That’s a wise decision.” He gestured to a security guard at the door. “Escort her out.”

Niall jumped to his feet, his chair screeching against the floor. “You can’t do this!” he shouted, his voice raw. He reached for Y/N, but she stepped back, her eyes filled with sorrow.

“This is for you, Niall,” she whispered. “I can’t be the reason you lose everything.”

As the guard gently took her arm, Niall’s knees buckled, and he sank back into his chair, his sobs shaking his entire body. The boys watched helplessly, their own eyes glistening with tears as Y/N was led out of the room.

The door closed with a heavy thud, and the silence that followed was deafening. Niall sat motionless, his head in his hands, his heart shattered. The light that Y/N had brought into his life was gone, snuffed out by the very people who were supposed to support him.

In the days and weeks that followed, fans noticed the change. The spark in Niall’s eyes was gone, replaced by a dull emptiness. His once-energetic performances became mechanical, his laughter in interviews forced. Directioners flooded social media with messages of concern, begging to know what had happened to the happy, glowing Niall they had fallen in love with.

But Niall couldn’t bring himself to answer. Every time he thought of Y/N—her laugh, her smile, the way she made him feel like he mattered—it was like a knife to the chest. And as he sat alone in his dressing room, flipping through the album she had given him, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever feel whole again.

<<<<<

Years later…

Years had passed since the breakup, but the memory of Y/N still lingered in the corners of Niall’s mind. Time had dulled the pain, but it hadn’t erased the “what ifs” that occasionally crept in during quiet moments. He had thrown himself into his solo career, pouring his heart into his music. Fans adored him, his songs topping charts and selling out arenas, but there was always a part of him that felt unfinished, like a chapter left unwritten.

Now, he was on stage, guitar in hand, performing one of his most personal songs, This Town. The soft, aching melody filled the arena, his voice carrying the raw emotion of the lyrics. As he scanned the sea of fans illuminated by the glow of their phones, his eyes caught something—or rather, someone.

It was a figure near the middle of the crowd, partially hidden beneath a black cap and a leather jacket. She wasn’t screaming or holding up a sign like the others. She seemed to be deliberately blending in, her head slightly bowed, her presence almost ghostlike.

But Niall knew.

His heart stuttered, his fingers momentarily slipping on the guitar strings. He quickly recovered, but the world around him seemed to blur as he focused on her. Y/N. Even after all these years, he could feel her presence like a gravitational pull, unmistakable amidst thousands of people.

She didn’t look up, didn’t cheer, didn’t do anything to draw attention to herself. It was as if she didn’t want him to notice her. But how could he not?

He finished the song, the audience erupting into cheers, but Niall’s mind was elsewhere. He stole glances in her direction throughout the rest of the set, hoping she wouldn’t leave before he had a chance to see her. His heart raced with every passing moment, a mix of excitement and fear building in his chest.

When the final song ended, the lights dimmed, and the crowd began to disperse, Niall’s eyes darted back to where she had been. She was moving toward the exit, her head down, weaving through the throngs of fans.

“No, not again,” Niall muttered under his breath.

Ignoring the crew and security trying to guide him backstage, he jumped down from the stage, his heart pounding in his chest. Fans screamed as they saw him moving through the crowd, but he didn’t stop to acknowledge them. He couldn’t lose her again.

“Y/N!” he called out, but his voice was swallowed by the noise of the crowd.

She kept walking, her pace quickening as if she sensed him coming.

Niall pushed through the sea of fans, murmuring hurried apologies as he brushed past them. His pulse roared in his ears, his legs moving on autopilot. He couldn’t let her slip away again.

Finally, he reached her just as she was about to exit the arena. He reached out, his hand gently grabbing her elbow.

“Wait,” he breathed, his voice trembling as he turned her around to face him.

Time seemed to stop as their eyes met. Y/N’s face was a mixture of shock and uncertainty, her lips parting slightly as if to say something but no words came.

And in that moment, Niall forgot about the crowd, the cameras, the noise. All he could see was her, the person he thought he’d lost forever, standing right in front of him.

Niall’s breath hitched as he stared at her, his hand still gently gripping her elbow. For a moment, he couldn’t believe she was real, standing in front of him after all these years. His voice came out in a whisper, laden with disbelief and emotion.

“You’re here,” he said, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to process the moment.

Y/N looked away, her lips trembling. “You’re not supposed to see me,” she murmured, her voice barely audible over the muffled noise of the crowd beyond the arena doors.

Niall shook his head, his grip on her arm tightening slightly, as though afraid she might vanish if he let go. “We need to get out of here,” he said, his voice firmer now. “People are starting to notice.”

Without waiting for her response, he led her through the crowd, weaving past lingering fans and crew members. His heart pounded with a mix of urgency and exhilaration. Once they reached the backstage area, he guided her toward his dressing room, his security team ensuring they weren’t followed.

The door clicked shut behind them, and for the first time, they were alone. The room was dimly lit, the faint hum of the crowd still audible through the walls. Niall gestured for her to sit on the couch, his hands trembling slightly. She hesitated but eventually sank into the seat, her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

“What are you doing here?” Niall asked, his voice soft but insistent. His eyes searched hers, a storm of emotions swirling within them—confusion, hope, and a lingering sadness.

Y/N hesitated, her gaze fixed on her hands. “I’ve always been here,” she said quietly, her voice thick with emotion. “Even after everything went down, I still went to your shows. And the boys’ shows too. I just… I made sure your management wouldn’t see me. I didn’t want to cause trouble or risk being dragged out of the venue.”

Niall’s throat tightened as her words sank in. She had been there all along, silently supporting him from the shadows, even when he thought she was gone.

Y/N’s voice wavered as she continued, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I know you probably don’t want to see me, but—”

Before she could finish, Niall closed the distance between them in an instant, pulling her into a tight embrace. His arms wrapped around her with a desperation that mirrored the ache in his heart. Tears streamed down his face, soaking into her jacket as he held her as if afraid she might disappear again.

Y/N froze for a moment, shocked by the suddenness of his hug, but then her own tears began to fall. Her arms found their way around his back, clutching him just as tightly.

“It’s just nice to see you,” she whispered through her sobs, her voice trembling. “To see how much you’ve grown into who you are now. You’ve done so well, Niall.”

Niall pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her face, though his arms never left her. His tears continued to fall, his voice breaking as he spoke. “Don’t leave me again. Please. I can’t go through that again.”

Y/N’s heart shattered at the raw pain in his voice. She shook her head, her own tears blurring her vision. “I’m so sorry,” she choked out. “I gave up so easily back then. I thought it was the only way to protect you, but I didn’t realize how much it would hurt us both.”

Niall gently placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. “None of that matters now,” he said, his voice still shaky but filled with conviction. “What matters is that you’re here. Right now. With me.”

She nodded, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks as she leaned her forehead against his. They stayed like that for a moment, their breaths mingling, the years of pain and longing melting away in the warmth of their embrace.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Niall felt whole.

Niall pulled back slightly, his hands still gently resting on Y/N's arms, his tear-streaked face softening into a tentative smile. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, his thumb grazing her cheek with a tenderness that made her heart ache.

"Do you... want to come home with me?" he asked hesitantly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Y/N looked at him, her eyes still glassy from the tears, and nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that," she said softly.

Relief flooded Niall's features, and he took her hand, intertwining their fingers as he led her out of the dressing room. The halls were quiet now, most of the crew busy packing up. Niall ignored the occasional curious glance from staff as they made their way to his car

When they reached the car, Niall opened the passenger door for her, his hand never leaving hers until she was seated. He walked around to the driver's side, sliding in and starting the engine, but before he pulled out of the lot, he reached over and took her hand again.

As he drove through the quiet streets, his hand shifted to rest on her thigh, his touch warm and grounding. Y/N glanced down at his hand, a small smile tugging at her lips. She placed her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Niall glanced at her briefly, his own lips curving into a smile. "I missed this," he murmured, his voice soft but full of emotion.

Y/N's heart fluttered at his words, and she squeezed his hand again in silent agreement.

When they arrived at his house, Niall parked the car and quickly got out, coming around to open her door. His hand found hers again as they walked inside, the warmth of his touch steadying the whirlwind of emotions swirling between them.

The house was quiet, dimly lit, and felt like a world away from the chaos of the arena. Niall hesitated for a moment, his hand still clasping hers as they stood in the entryway.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice tinged with nervousness.

Y/N nodded, her eyes meeting his. "Yeah, I'm okay," she assured him, her voice soft but certain.

Niall stepped closer, his free hand coming up to cup her cheek. His thumb brushed over her skin as he gazed at her, his eyes searching hers for any sign of hesitation. When he found none, he leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a soft, tentative kiss.

The kiss was gentle at first, testing the waters, but when Y/N responded, her lips moving against his, Niall deepened it. His hands slid to her waist, pulling her closer as the kiss grew more passionate.

Y/N's arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair as she leaned into him. Niall's heart pounded in his chest, but for the first time in years, it wasn't from fear or sadness -it was from pure, unfiltered happiness.

He guided her gently toward the bedroom, their lips never parting as they moved. When they reached the bed, Niall hovered over her, his hands braced on either side of her as he looked down at her, his eyes filled with love and longing.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his voice barely audible as he leaned down to kiss her again.

Y/N's hands slid up his arms, her touch sending shivers down his spine. Their kisses deepened, each one more urgent and filled with emotion than the last. The years of separation melted away, leaving only the two of them in this moment, rediscovering each other.

The night unfolded in a blur of whispered words and shared touches, a blissful reunion of two souls that had been apart for far too long. As they lay together, tangled in each other's arms, Niall pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, a content smile on his lips.

For the first time in years, he felt whole again. And as Y/N nestled closer to him, her hand resting over his heart, he knew she felt the same.

<<<<<

The soft glow of morning light filtered through the curtains as Niall stirred awake. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he glanced down and saw Y/N’s head resting gently on his chest, her hair fanned out over his skin. Her arm was draped across his torso, holding him as though even in sleep she didn’t want to let go.

A smile crept onto Niall’s face, his heart swelling with a warmth he hadn’t felt in years. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, careful not to wake her, and then reached for his phone on the nightstand.

As soon as he unlocked it, notifications flooded the screen. His heart sank slightly as he saw headlines and photos plastered everywhere.

He scrolled through the pictures—one of him stopping Y/N at the arena, their hands clasped tightly as he led her to his car. Another showed them walking toward his front door, their fingers intertwined. The most intimate of all was a blurry shot through his window, capturing them mid-kiss, passion and years of longing evident even in the grainy image.

Niall sighed, a mix of emotions washing over him. He was grateful for the support, but the invasion of their privacy so soon after reconnecting stung. He didn’t want anything to ruin this moment, not when he finally had her back.

Hearing a soft sigh, Niall quickly locked his phone and set it aside. He turned his attention back to Y/N as she began to stir, her eyelashes fluttering before her eyes opened slowly. She looked up at him, her gaze still hazy with sleep, and offered a soft, sleepy smile.

“Good morning,” she murmured, her voice raspy but sweet.

“Good morning, love,” Niall replied, leaning down to kiss her.

But before his lips could meet hers, Y/N quickly covered her mouth, her cheeks flushing. “Morning breath,” she mumbled, her eyes wide with embarrassment.

Niall chuckled, his laugh rumbling through his chest. “Oh, come on, I don’t care about that,” he teased, trying to lean in again.

Y/N shook her head stubbornly, sitting up. “No way. Let’s brush our teeth first,” she said, playfully narrowing her eyes at him.

“Alright, alright,” Niall relented, throwing the covers off and getting out of bed. He extended a hand to her, helping her up, and together they padded to the bathroom.

They stood side by side at the sink, brushing their teeth and stealing glances at each other through the mirror. Niall made a face at her, toothpaste foam comically puffing out of his mouth, and Y/N burst into laughter, nearly choking on her own toothbrush.

After rinsing their mouths, Niall turned to her with a mischievous grin. Without warning, he scooped her up into his arms, causing her to squeal in surprise. “Niall!” she laughed, kicking her feet as he carried her back to the bedroom.

He tossed her onto the bed gently, her laughter filling the room. “You’re unbelievable,” she said between giggles, her cheeks flushed from both the sudden movement and the sheer joy of the moment.

Niall climbed onto the bed, his laughter joining hers as he hovered over her. “Unbelievable, huh?” he teased, his blue eyes sparkling.

Before she could respond, he leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss. It started soft and sweet, but as the seconds passed, it deepened, becoming more passionate. Y/N’s hands found their way to his hair, her fingers tangling in the soft strands as she kissed him back with just as much fervor.

When they finally pulled away, both slightly breathless, Niall rested his forehead against hers, his thumb brushing gently over her cheek. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life,” he whispered, his voice filled with emotion.

Y/N’s heart swelled at his words, and she cupped his face, her thumbs brushing away the remnants of dried tears from the night before. “I’m happy too,” she whispered back.

Niall smiled, a genuine, radiant smile that lit up his entire face. For the first time in years, he felt like he had everything he needed. And as he looked into Y/N’s eyes, he knew he’d never let her go again.

<<<<<

A/N: Thank y’all for reading.

[xueyidweams]

My faves of Penacony (Aventurine & Acheron) x gn!reader who gives them a flower bouquet ramble(!!!!)

Aventurine

i have fancy gifs now woagh!

You were a bartender at a bar that was located in a pretty big casino in Penacony, where the gamblers come to drink their defeat away or celebrate their big wins. You’re pretty used to the racket and seeing the same faces and one day you see him. That gambler, he who never loses, he who has such pretty eyes and lips and he who winks at you so handsomely as you try to do your job and he who always seems to make some sort of electricity run through your whole body when your fingers brush.

You’re not a child, you know you at least like him romantically. You were gonna show your love with some flowers! That’s a classic, right? So you pick up some that you think match his pretty eyes perfectly and go to work, it’s pretty awkward but you can’t really see him anywhere else so this is your only shot.

You perk up as you’re cleaning some glasses and you hear his voice. Your heart does its routine again, beating so fast you feel like it’s gonna zoom out of your chest. You pat your chest just where your heart is and take a deep breath as he calls for his favorite drink. You make it, giving yourself an internal pep talk while doing so, and you present him with his drink. Only now, his glass is decorated with the flowers you bought for him, you decided to be more subtle at the end with a little note. “I hope you like the flowers, no match for your pretty eyes but I hope it makes you smile nonetheless.” Aeons you sucked at romance but damn it you tried and now you feel hot under the collar as you try your best to focus on your customers while aventurine’s eyes are STARING directly at your nape you can FEEL it.

You flinch a bit when he calls your name with that sultry voice of his, you go up to him trying to keep up some sort of professionalism. though that all goes down the window when he beckons you a bit closer, picks up a flower from the glass and tucks it onto your ear. “I think they look even prettier on you.” You stumble over your words as he smiles wordlessly, his eyes full of warmth you didn’t know they could hold and oh Aeons he is so much more pretty like this. Prettier closer, you really don’t want to pull away but there are customers yelling for you already and ugh!

He chuckles as he notices your obvious agitation, “go look after your customers, I’ll treat you to dinner if you’d like? Whatever you want, it’s on me.” He gets even closer, he is shorter when he’s sitting and its adorable to see him looking up at you— “if you’d allow me to privilege of getting to know you better, of course.”

Acheron

As a hotel worker for the family themselves you’re expected to be professional and helpful at all times. Always show a smile never be so impatient, they are precious guests after all.

You sigh as you clean another pool of a soda that’s not even sold in Penacony, how did that even get there? as you complain in your mind about how rude these people are to you just because you’re getting paid to clean up their messes doesn’t mean they can just—

“Hello?”

Your head snaps up and your customer smile comes back, “Hello! Anything I can help you with, miss?” She blinks at you for a moment, caught off guard by your overly cheery attitude, she looks around and then at you. her gaze feels intense, it makes you feel shy. She finally speaks, “I’m.. lost. I don’t know where my room is.” Oh, okay that’s easy.

“What was the number, miss?” She looks at you blankly again, you both sit in silence for a few seconds, and she speaks again. “I’m sorry I forgot that… too.” You sigh as you internally facepalm. Deciding that this pretty but directionally confused lady needs help, you put on your big person pants and ask for her room number from the reception and you escort her to her room. She thanks you as she looks at you from head to toe, there’s a small smile on her face.

This happens a few more times over the week, you keep helping her. her company is really nice, she doesn’t really judge and you can talk about how much of a bother she can be, she affirms your woes with a nod or a hum and thats enough honestly. worst of all.. okay look, love at first sight might be cliche but come on! she’s pretty, tall, has a nice voice and is polite to you. she even brushed a plastic leaf that got on your head and her hand dipped to your cheek, you could feel the cold metal on her fingers and the eye contact went on for a few seconds too long and you felt yourself melt. plus! she was a guest, who knows how long she’s gonna be here? better take your chances.

You give yourself a pretty short pep talk, “if yes hug her if no run away.” pretty good plan all things considered. You had a purple flower bouquet on your hands and some chocolate that was cheesily made for valentine and you got it half for the price. You knock on her door and hear a shuffle, with every step she takes your heart beats faster and faster until she opens the door and it feels like the time stops. You stutter and stumble as her eyes bore into you, she seems full of interest but it still makes you nervous to be the center of attention. “I.. I um… ah!” You can’t do it, you thrust the flowers onto her arms, she takes it and you make a run for it, you’re so dumb dumb dumb what the hell were you thinking oh Aeons she hates you now she does—

what you don’t see is her smelling the flowers and looking after your running form, a familiar yet distinct warmth bleeds to her heart. Her smile a little softer, her eyes a little warmer, she holds onto the flowers and the next time she sees you, she will have some flowers ready for you too.

[liampaynememorial]

Before saying thank you to everyone who participated and reblogged, I want to say some words too. Some words that I haven’t been able to say in my main blog because feelings aren’t my thing, and I hate being vulnerable… so I’m hiding behind this anonymous blog. So sorry, it’s going to be long and there are going to be typos, probably, sorry for that too.

Liam, I don’t even know where to start. I really can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks. Time goes too fast and too slow at the same time, and I feel like I’ve been living these past 2 weeks in a limbo of time going too fast and time going so slow. And I haven’t been able to say a proper goodbye to you yet. Not in the memorial I travelled to, not on my own, so I’ll try now.

I have many “what if?” in my personal life that I try not to get into because spirals, and you have become one now too: What if I could save him? As if I had that power, wish I had. I really wish that my support (your fans support) has been enough to save you, has been the blanket you needed, the hug you needed, whatever you needed. What if One Direction has never existed? What if things were different? And it’s so selfish of me to think that I wouldn’t be here if One Direction never existed. Because you’re not here because One Direction existed. And it’s something that is getting hard to process. I know you loved One Direction, maybe Niall was 1 directioner during the band years, but you were 1 directioner after the hiatus, and 1 supporter for your band mates, for your brothers. I know that besides everything that happened, you loved to be in that band. But what if Simon hasn’t been behind the band management? You know where I’m going… I start spiralling, I find an answer to a question, and I have a new question in mind.

I’m sad and I’m mad. And I’m in denial. I’m sad because you deserved to have a happy ending, you deserved to find your place in the world and in that industry you loved so much. You deserved to heal and to get better. You deserved to see your child growing up. You deserved to see the love. You deserved a much better ending. It’s so tragic. I have been worried about you for years, but never, not even in my worst nightmares I thought this was going to be your ending.

I’m mad at the whole industry. An industry that is full of selfish and greedy people who care more about money, numbers, and money again that they care about the artist. I’m mad at everyone in that hotel who didn’t try and who didn’t do enough. I’m mad at everyone who didn’t defend you, to everyone who bullied you, to everyone who didn’t understand what trauma and addiction can do to a person. I know a lot of people have been saying that the hate you’ve got was because of everything that was being said in early October, but it’s not true. The hate didn’t even start in 2022 after that podcast. The hate started before. The hate started during the band. The hate continued after the hiatus. The hate was always there, for stupid reasons and because of the hypocrisy of this fandom. And because of solo fans who found very funny to put you against each other and loved using the word “flop”. I hope you knew that your music was great. I hope you knew that One Direction wouldn’t have been the same without you. I hope you could know that I have a tattoo related to you, done before the tragedy, but it won’t be the only one. I hope you knew that you had talent, so much talent. I hope you knew you were enough. And loved. I’m mad at the whole world for dampening your light.

And I’m in denial. I’m in denial because you’re here, Liam. I have been a fan of you since I saw you five singing Viva La Vida in the xfactor, and in the fandom some months later. We’ve grown up together, I’m just months older than you. In all these years, 14, you were always in my screen, always in my earphones. And you’re still there, so what do you mean you’re not here? What do you mean you’re not here when I see your gifs, when I can listen to your voice, to your laugh. You know? You were also part of my final project in university, a project about One Direction. You were in so many parts of my life. You are in so many places in my life. It’s so hard to process it when I have you the same way I have always had you—on a screen and earphones. And I’m trying to think that this means that you’ll live forever. I know you’ll do. I know I won’t love anything the way I have loved this band and you all 5. The way I love this band and you all 5. You’re still here. I’ve been seeing white feathers when I was thinking about you during walks, so you’re still here.

I know my comfort place is now tainted by other emotions that aren’t joy, comfort, and love. Tainted by sadness, and anger, and pain, and what ifs. But I’ll know, or I hope, that in the future I can listen to your music— both your solo music and the band music—and feel more positive emotions than bad. I hope I can do the same watching “one direction funny moments” and no think about how it all ended. You know? I always imagined being on my 40s or 50s and going to the reunion, meeting with my mutuals (who most are friends) and dancing all night to the best songs ever.

I imagined dancing to one of One Direction songs during my wedding, wasn’t sure one. I knew I wanted to dance No Control because I wanted to do the dance with my friends who love you as much as I do, but I also was thinking about If I Could Fly piano version, or Home. I imagined so many things in my future and in so many of them, One Direction and you were my soundtrack: getting my first house and the first album played there being Midnight Memories, getting married and having your songs in the wedding, going to your solo concerts and the reunion concert, singing your songs in karaoke, talking to my kids about you and watching videos together, getting more tattoos related to One Direction, doing a tour in London visiting iconic places, doing a pyjama party with my friends that I met here and watching videos and singing together. So many moments that now I don’t know if I’ll do, because now I’m not strong enough to think about it. But I’ll hope I’ll do, because you deserve to be celebrated and honoured in a happy way too. I’ll try Liam, this is my second promise.

I’m not quite sure if I believe in afterlife, in heaven, or in reincarnation. But wherever you are, I hope you are at peace. I hope you’re receiving all this love (that you deserved to see). I hope you’re happy. I hope I’ll get to live another life where you’re part of it again. I love you, Liam. You’ll live forever, in my heart, in my mind, in my screen. I’ll keep talking about you, listening to your songs, and honouring you anyway I can. It might take some time because I need to process and heal, but I’ll do, because you deserve that. My third promise?

Sending kisses, hugs, and love to you. 💕

PS: I’ve made a first promise to you in private that I plan to keep.

[tbyfandoms]

Birthday Blues | Austin Butler x Reader

Pairing: austin butler x f!reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Summary: noticing her struggle with the loss and memory of her brother on his birthday, austin helps and comforts y/n with the celebration of his special day (requested)

Warnings: mentions of deceased siblings, descriptions of grief

Masterlist/Request Form | Ask/Tell/Request

A/N: it’s been so long since I’ve updated and I’m so sorry for that. I’ve missed writing so much and hope this is me getting back into my groove. I started this request ages ago but just now finished it. it’s felt so weird rounding out this fic about grief after hearing the news about liam (for any of my fellow directioners) and it’s just crazy to me how so many of the feelings and instances I wrote about in this fic have been a reality lately. I hope you’re all doing well whether you’ve been affected or not, and please remember to keep those you love close and to let them know how much you love them. to the anon who requested this, I hope this fic brings you comfort, thank you so much for requesting <3

Today’s the day. The day you’ve been anxiously awaiting for a while now. Every year it’s the same, it never seems to get easier for you no matter how hard you wish it would.

It’s your brother’s birthday, and it’s been a while since you’ve gotten to celebrate with him in person. He passed away and every year on his birthday you find yourself unable to function properly. Everyone tells you it gets better with time, but you’re still waiting for that to start kicking in.

There are some days where you find yourself so overcome with grief you can’t even find the right words to describe it, and there are other days where for a little while you almost forget he’s not here anymore. You yearn for those days, those days that feel like you’re floating and there’s nothing but calmness surrounding you.

You wish his birthday was one of those tranquil days.

As you move mechanically around the kitchen, doing your normal tasks as you would any other day, you find yourself trying not to fall apart.

Grief is a really funny thing. At times you believe your mourning period has passed and that that part of you that’s now missing has been patched and you’ll be able to handle this day on your own without any consolation. Other times you don’t even know how you’re able to stand up on your own and be expected to continue on. It’s like a balancing act, never knowing which way the scale is going to tip. Calm or devastated. Good or bad.

Pouring yourself something to drink, you think back on all the happy memories with your brother that you can. You know in your heart he wouldn’t want you to be sad today, or any day really. It’s just incredibly hard to not notice his absence, especially on his special day. It’s hard when you miss him so much and want nothing more than to celebrate with him instead of without.

Over the past few days you’ve tried not to focus too much on your brother’s birthday. You’ve kept busy and continued business as usual but you can’t deny the moments of sadness that crept in unannounced. You’ve talked to other family members about it and some of your friends too, a lot of them knowing what this day means to you and how hard it can be. You always keep up a brave face but it’s easier said than done on some days compared to others.

The sound of padded footsteps coming from your right breaks you out of your thoughts. When you turn your head you’re met with the soft smile on your boyfriend’s face. It’s impossible not to reciprocate it. You don’t know a soul on this Earth that’s ever been able to withstand a smile from Austin Butler.

“Hi, baby,” he says as he wraps his arms around you, his warmth and familiar scent immediately settling over you. Your body instantly relaxes against him, comfort beginning to course through your veins.

“Hi, Aus.” It comes out almost like a whisper and you curse yourself for already showing a sign of weakness. You promised yourself last night that you’d try to get through this day on your own, not wanting to distract Austin from any of his work or typical routine. Alas it’s not turning out how you hoped. That’s the thing about grief though, no matter how hard you try, you never do know when it’s going to come creeping back in.

Busying yourself with cleaning up, you ease yourself out of Austin’s grasp. For some reason you feel that if you stay that close to him, it won’t be long before your walls start crumbling down and you’ll both end up wrapped in devastation.

To be fair, you don’t even know if your boyfriend realizes what today is. You know you’ve mentioned it in passing, but with not wanting to make a big deal out of it you never really went into detail. You’ve talked to Austin about your brother before whether it be reminiscing about childhood memories or recalling an inside joke, but you always try to keep that devastation at bay.

The blonde hasn’t said anything about it recently and with his hectic schedule lately, you’re sure it hasn’t even crossed his mind. You’re not hurt by it, if anything you understand and appreciate it. It’s probably best if you handle today alone, in your own way.

A small frown adorns the corner of your lips and you make sure to turn your head so Austin doesn’t notice it. One thing about him is that he’s always able to pick up on your emotions and can tell when something’s wrong. Best plan of action is to just proceed as you normally would. You’re sure the actor has a million and one things to do today, so he should be out the door any minute now and you’ll be able to tackle the day however your head and heart deem fit.

“Are you hungry?” You say as chipper as you can while you start to open up a cabinet, ready to whip up anything your boyfriend would like. “I can make you your favorite or if you have to leave soon I can just make you something to take on the go.”

“No, I’m okay, thank you. I-I’m not working today.” You nearly bash your head into the cabinet door as you hear this. Your boyfriend was practically always working, especially now. So him saying this totally takes you by surprise.

“Why not?” You turn around and face Austin and just based off the look on his face you can tell he remembers what day it is. His eyes are so sincere and you nearly burst into tears because he hasn’t even said anything and yet you know exactly why he isn’t working. Why he most definitely told his manager and whoever else that today specifically was off limits for any meetings or shoots.

“I took the day off. I know I haven’t brought it up lately and you probably thought I forgot, but I know what today is, what it means and how important it is to you. I just wanted to be here with you and to let you know if you need me that I’ll be right here. I won’t let you deal with today on your own, sweetheart.” His tone is soft and he reaches out to caress your cheeks, wiping a tear you hadn’t even realized slipped out in the process.

“Austin I-,” you gulp, emotion rising fast in your throat as you look into his blue eyes and feel the empathy radiating off of him. “You didn’t have to do that. I know how busy you are and I know it must’ve taken a lot to have your day cleared. Really, it’s fine if you want to go to work. I-I can handle it, I’m fine-“

Your voice cracks and in that same moment you feel like part of your heart does as well.

Austin’s hands are tangled in your hair in an instant as he pulls you in close, holding your head against his shoulder as you begin to fall apart in his arms. There it is, one of those grief stricken moments you swore you wouldn’t allow to take over you today. So much for holding it together.

Clearly your boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind though, and for that you’ll be eternally grateful. You let yourself go, let your emotions go, as he whispers affirmations in your ear. Softly shushing you and assuring you that it’s ok to let it all out. It’s almost scary how easy it is for you to do this as well. To let yourself be vulnerable like this. But honestly? You wouldn’t have it any other way. If you’re going to fall apart in anyone’s arms, there’s no one better than Austin’s to do it in.

After a while of being wrapped up in the blonde’s arms and after your sobs begin to turn into soft hiccups, you feel collected enough to take a small step back and start to wipe away any remaining tears.

“I’m sorry, Aus,” you whisper, feeling a little bad for just falling apart like this. You know he doesn’t mind, he wouldn’t have taken the day off if he did, but even still.

“Hey, hey, hey, do not apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Austin reaches out and swipes his thumbs underneath your eyes, collecting tears that haven’t yet fallen. “I’m here for you, and if that means being a human tissue for the day then I’m fine with that.”

A small laugh bubbles out of your throat and the sound makes Austin smile. He loves your laugh and he’d do anything to hear it, especially on a day like this.

“I hope you know how much I appreciate you. I know you’re no stranger to grief when losing a loved one, but I still appreciate you taking this in stride and just being there for me. This day it’s-it’s-,” your breath catches in your throat, but you clear it, not wanting your emotions to take over again. “It’s hard, but you certainly make it a lot less difficult to deal with and for that I’m grateful.”

“Of course, baby. I’m here for you, always. When you lose someone you love, it’s difficult enough to deal with, yet alone trying to deal with it on your own. I promise you I’ll always be here for you on this day and every other one you may need me for as long as you’ll have me.”

A small smile breaks out on your lips and you don’t know a better response than wrapping your arms around Austin and squeezing him with all the love and appreciation you can muster. You can’t even imagine a day without him. You’ll have him forever if you’re able to.

Once the two of you break apart you watch as Austin begins to say something, but then appears to hesitate. His eyes meet yours and you start to wonder what it is he wants to say to you.

“Now I don’t ever want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable, but over the past couple days I’ve been thinking about what we could do to celebrate your brother today. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to take you somewhere.” The blonde takes a breath and then reaches for your hand, squeezing once before continuing. “You trust me, right?”

You’ve never felt more sure of anything than you do right now in this moment when you say, “Yes, with my whole heart.”

Your boyfriend smiles and you feel your stomach flutter with both gratitude and anticipation for what he has planned. No matter where it is he ends up taking you, you know with one hundred percent certainty that he’s doing it because he loves you and cares for you in a way you never even thought possible. That fact alone is what carries you out of that kitchen and through the front door.

*****

When Austin pulls the car into the parking lot of the flower shop connected to the cemetery your brother is buried in, you feel your heart begin to swell.

On the drive over, you began to brainstorm ideas of where it is your boyfriend was taking you. There was a small part of you that hoped he wasn’t driving you to some restaurant or your family’s house to try and take your mind off today, but that he was taking you right to this very place. In your mind, there’s no better way to celebrate and remember your brother than celebrating with him as much as you’re physically able to.

Not a lot of people find comfort in visiting a grave in a cemetery, but it’s one of the only ways you’re able to feel some sort of closeness to your brother. He might not be visible to you, but there’s something about sitting there and just talking out loud to him that allows you to feel some semblance of peace.

“Now I know everyone feels differently when it comes to visiting graves and doing stuff like this. So if you’re at all uncomfortable being here, you just let me know and I’ll turn this car around, we’ll go right back home, and I’ll apologize for the rest of my life for ever crossing any boundaries with you.”

A breathy laughs escapes you and you shake your head as you reach out and hold Austin’s hand in yours. “No, this is perfect. I very much appreciate you even thinking of doing this. I haven’t been able to come out here in a while, especially not alone, so I’m grateful you brought me here and that you’re willing to be by my side during it.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he smiles.

Austin turns off the car and the two of you make your way inside, the smell of fresh flowers instantly hitting your nose and you breath in deeply, wanting to hold onto it. It’s crazy to think there could be something so beautiful and alive surrounded by a place so sorrowful and morbid. Somehow, you think there’s something poetic to be found in that.

Both you and Austin wander around the shop for a while, taking in all the gorgeous arrangements decorated specifically for different types of family members. You see plaques for parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and then finally siblings. It hurts your heart to know people lose their loved ones in a blink of an eye every day. No one is safe from the horrors and unfairness of the world, but you wish with everything you’ve got that they were.

You wish nearly every day that your brother had been.

As you walk further down the aisle, you find yourself getting stopped by a bouquet. It stands out from the others, it’s almost as if the colors and arrangement of it were calling out to you. One look at it and you know instantly it’s the one you’d like to get for your brother.

“Aus, this one’s perfect,” you say softly, stopping your boyfriend in his tracks. He looks over at it and smiles fondly. He thinks it’s perfect almost as much as you do.

Austin instantly grabs it and the two of you walk over to the checkout counter. You reach into your purse so you can grab your wallet, but the actor holds his hand out and shakes his head. “Let me, for his birthday.”

Tears immediately spring to your eyes at the sentiment and all you’re able to do in response is nod your head slightly and give Austin a wobbly smile. You don’t know why you’re so surprised over all of this. This is who Austin is, it’s who he always has been, and it’s who he always will be.

*****

The gravel road that winds every which way through the cemetery causes the car to shake just slightly as Austin follows your instructions to get to your brother’s grave. You’re not entirely convinced that’s the sole reason your stomach starts to knot though.

Even though it’s been a while since you’ve visited this place, the moment Austin pulled up to the gates it was like you were here just yesterday. The landmarks are all too familiar, the shapes of other people’s headstones, and the view of other grieving families scattered around bring everything back instantly.

As you look around and tell Austin to pull over to the right up ahead, you start to feel a little lightheaded. In your mind you can see the day you buried your brother so vividly. You can hear the sniffles of family and friends and feel the slight breeze in the air as he was lowered into the ground.

Even though you appreciate being able to still somewhat spend time with your brother here, it does make it all seem so much more real. When you don’t come and visit, sometimes you’re able to pretend that he’s still here, still alive. But the minute you see that headstone, you’re reminded that he’s not, and it gets harder to shake the sadness.

Austin puts the car in park and you both sit in silence for a moment. He watches you look out the window, knowing all too well the emotions running through you right now. He gives you a minute more before speaking up.

“Do you want me to wait in the car or is it okay to come with you?” His deep voice breaks you out of your thoughts and you blink several times before looking over at him.

“No, come with me, please? I-I want you there.” Austin nods his head and exits the car, coming over to the passenger side and helping you out of the car as you hold onto your brother’s bouquet.

Grass crunches under your shoes as you walk the few feet to your brother’s grave, and a soft gasp passes through your lips as you come face to face with the headstone that’s seared itself into your mind forever.

Kneeling down, you brush off the small bits of leaves and grass that’ve taken residence on the light gray stone. Your fingers trace over the letters imprinted within it and with each passing letter you feel your heart squeeze inside your chest.

It’s so unfair how life can change so drastically in an instant. You remember the last conversation you had with your brother and you wish you would’ve known that would be the last time you spoke to him. You would’ve said more, would’ve memorized more about his voice and the way he laughed. You would’ve held on to anything and everything you could if it meant keeping even one more tiny thing of him close to you.

Lifting up the bouquet in front of you, you make sure everything in it looks perfect before placing it by the headstone and then standing back up by your boyfriend. The flowers look beautiful and you hate that you can’t physically give them to your brother on his special day. You just hope he’s somewhere looking down at you and seeing how loved he still is. How he’ll always be celebrated.

Suddenly, you feel Austin softly place his hand on your lower back and begin to rub circles on it. This is something he often does when he can tell you’re sad or getting overwhelmed and just need some sort of comfort. It always helps calm you down and you appreciate Austin doing it in this moment.

Austin truly cares so much for you and it blows your mind every single day how lucky you are to have someone like him in your life. Everything from the grand gestures to the smallest little things he does for you, you find yourself being so grateful for it all. He’s such a wonderful guy and you smile thinking about how well he would’ve gotten along with your brother.

You know instantly your brother would’ve adored him. He’d definitely try to play the protective brother card and give off the impression he’d never approve, but in your heart you know Austin would’ve had him wrapped around his finger, much like how he has you. You could see them hanging out and watching sports together, talking about music and films, and overall finding such a genuine friendship within each other.

The thought brings a smile to your face and you let out a small laugh thinking about all the chaos they’d get up to together.

Austin notices and his own curious smile adorns his lips as he wonders what you could possibly be thinking about. “What’s goin’ on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“I know you never got to meet him,” you start, a small tear trailing down your cheek as you take your eyes off the headstone in front of you and look towards your boyfriend. “But he’d really like you.”

A small puff of air leaves Austin as he takes in your words. In an instant he has you wrapped in his arms and his lips pressed against your forehead. “Oh, baby. I wish with all my heart I could’ve met him.”

You nod your head silently against him, knowing with everything you’ve got that he genuinely means it.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Aus,” you whisper, your words a soft rumble against the blonde’s chest. “You have no idea how much this means to me. I appreciate it so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me, but you’re welcome. I’d do practically anything for you—especially this—and especially today.”

You know Austin’s unfortunately no stranger to grief. He knows the pain of losing a loved one just as much as you do and you think it’s so kind of him to do all of this with you when you know it probably puts him back in his own memories of loss. The thought alone makes you squeeze him a little harder and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. “I love you, Austin.”

“I love you too,” he smiles. “Y’know if you wanna do this every year for your brother’s birthday, we definitely can. If you want to, that is. I know it’ll never change the fact he’s no longer with us, but maybe celebrating him like this and coming to leave some flowers at his grave every year can help you feel a little bit closer to him in a way.”

“Yeah, I’d really love that. I think he would too.” You smile up at your boyfriend and take in his thoughtful proposition. You’d love to come visit your brother’s grave like this for his birthday every year. Like Austin said, it’ll never change the fact he’s not here with you anymore, but at least it gives you something to hold onto. It gives you something to keep your brother just a little bit closer to you, and you’d do anything to make that happen.

“It’s a deal then,” Austin says before leaning down and kissing you on the forehead. After pulling away he crouches down and plants himself on the grass. “C’mon, no more birthday blues. Let’s sit for a while. I’d love for you to tell me more about your brother.”

Your heart soars at his interest. Most people would want to flee this situation. Get as far away from a place like this and ignore the fact someone’s passed on completely. Not Austin. He faces it head first. He knows it’s hard, but he also knows it can be healing to do and it can mean a lot to someone too. He can tell by the look on your face he’s made the right call, and he’s grateful he’s able to be here for you in whatever way you need him.

“Well, where do I begin?” You wonder as you sit down next to the blonde. You rack your brain and try to decide on what story or fun fact you should share first. God knows you have an endless supply of them tucked away in your memory. Some funny, some sad, and some downright disturbing in the best way possible.

You glance over at Austin, settling on one and as you go to start sharing one of your favorite memories of your brother, you watch as your boyfriend completely tunes in to whatever it is you’re about to say. Nothing else seems to matter in this moment to him and that alone makes you want to wrap your arms around him and never let go.

Yeah, you think in your head, in a way speaking to your brother. You definitely would’ve liked him.

[quietnade]

Is it really over?

So… is it really over? I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately. Liam’s passing has left a mark on me that will never truly fade. I know this stab at my heart will take years, maybe even a lifetime, to heal. I tried to gather my thoughts and find a little comfort by writing the following down, and I hope you’ll find some comfort in it too.

🩷 The boys may no longer make music together, but does that mean the impact they made on us is gone? Of course not. The connection we have with their music and the memories we made will always be part of the “story of our lives.” Instead of seeing it as the end, let’s think of it as moving into a new era. We’ve grown, the boys have grown, and our love for them has grown in new ways too.

🩷 Yes, it’s true that the years won’t come back, but we can revisit them anytime through their music and memories.

🩷 We can immerse ourselves in the nostalgia without guilt. Maybe we’ll rewatch This Is Us, scroll through Tumblr pages, watch their video diaries, fan edits, or interviews.

🩷 One Direction wasn’t just another boy band, they were a feeling. They shaped an entire generation without even realizing it, while the boys were just having fun. In many ways, they taught us how to laugh, dream, and connect with a community. That energy is larger than life and still lives in us.

🩷 We can always celebrate their anniversaries. The boys’ birthdays, their X Factor debut, album releases, and in doing so, we’ll always feel how big a part of our lives they still are.

🩷 We can treat the boys’ solo careers as a new chapter in their One Direction story. Their voices and essence are still present in each of their solo projects. The boys are living happy lives, still living the dream they worked so hard for, and we’re happy for them with all our hearts.

🩷 This fandom will always be a part of us. The joy, hope, and excitement we felt as Directioners shaped who we are today, and that part of us is never gone, it never will be.

🩷 Not everyone gets to experience something as powerful as being part of a fandom like this. We’ve been part of something magical, and we’ll always wear it as a badge of honor, a kind of talisman of comfort, joy, warmth, and hope.

🩷 Yes, we love the boys, and yes, they were a huge part of our lives. But we have to remember that life goes on and we have to participate in it, finding new joys and interests. Our love for them doesn’t have to fade just because life moves on.

🩷 In our own little ways, we can make this world a better place, maybe for just one person, making their day slightly better than it could have been. Just like how Liam always tried to. Even the “little things,” small acts of kindness, can honor Liam’s legacy.

🩷 We can create art, write poetry, blogs, poetry, we can journal about how much One Direction meant to us growing up and how Liam’s passing has stirred these emotions.

🩷 Embracing our fangirl or fanboy side unapologetically is another way to honor them. We can dive back into our passionate ways of fangirling while connecting with other Directioners in spaces like this. Without judgment, we can share how we feel in these little 1D communities. We can even contribute to fan projects to deepen our connection with this wholesome fandom.

🩷 Personally, I wrote a letter to Liam in my journal, talking about how much I love him. I even confessed how guilty I felt for not following his solo career as closely as I could have. I’ll always carry Liam’s memory with me.

🩷 Instead of “holding on to heartbreak,” we can hold on to hope. Maybe the boys will reunite someday, but even if they don’t, we need to remember that, every time we listen to their songs, relive old memories, or talk to another Directioner, they really ARE reunited, in our eternally Directioner hearts. 💙💚❤️💛🤍

[twopoppies]

some words:

i don’t know if anyone here has ever lost a relative, or has ever lost a loved one. i’m sure some people have. but, to those who haven’t, i thought i might share some words. my mom died nine years ago, when i was thirteen. and about a year ago, i lost my dad, too. and the thing is, the grief that comes with losing someone really close is… man. the physical loss is loud. the physical aspect is really painful. it’s like something has been removed, torn apart, ripped from you. the absence keeps ringing, making itself known. to know that person existed and they’re now just gone, as in you’ll never hear their voice again, never see them laugh again, never talk again, never touch. the loss is so deep, so real.

but then, what happens when an artist dies? the physical aspect of loss is not there, because there was never a presence to begin with. so it is so different. it’s not nearly the same pain. but there is something.

i was never a fan of liam payne. i was never a directioner. i started to listen to their songs and care about their careers in 2016, when they were no longer. then i became a larrie, and i became a hardcore fan of harry, so liam was always… there. i was aware of him, i knew some lore, he was in the fanfic i’ve been reading for over five years. if it’d been any other musician, it would be a tragedy, a shock, yes, but it just wouldn’t have affected me. this one felt a little bit close to home. because, even though i’ve never felt a strong connection to him, i do know what it’s like to be a hardcore fan.

being a fangirl has always been a part of me. all my life. it’s the hours you spend in front of the computer, watching videos, interviews, shows. it’s the energy invested. for so many people it is the happiness, the joy, the pleasure of their lives. it’s a shelter from the reality of the world. it’s so important.

now that liam is gone, i feel like the shelter from has suffered a rupture. it’s like someone has dipped a bucket of cold water all over us. these last couple of days have given me the daunting realization that this shelter is not actually safe from the harsh world and its cruel ways. which feels wrong, because this space is supposed to be a protection.

for so many years now i’ve been fantasizing about meeting harry one day. talking to him. hugging him. and when i imagine it, when i picture it, i feel like it’s a real possibility. like it’s gonna happen some day, like there’s a chance. rationally, i know my chances are low. but emotionally, it’s a want, it’s a desire, and, in my daydreams, a certainty. and in my personal feelings, there’s no one else to dedicate these feelings to. he is the artist for me.

to imagine meeting this person, talking to them, hugging them, but knowing that there’s no real, concrete possibility of it in the world? it’s like the end of our deepest affections. i would be so torn. there’d be no one else to admire they way i admire them, there would be no longer a shelter from the world. being a fangirl is so much a part of who i am, has been throughout all my life, so i wouldn’t even know who i am without it.

all of this to say. there’s no physical pain, but there is pain. and it is so significant. my heart is with all of you who are hardcore fans of liam. music, theater, books, paintings. all art that is made in the world has a reason for being. it’s because we need it. we are humans, and reality is cruel. it’s not enough. we need something other, something that goes beyond, to help us get through. to have a rupture in something that is so inherently important is truly devastating. whatever you’re feeling right now is so, so valid. although the loss was not physical, something was taken. and that something runs really deep.

this thing that happened is horrible. i truly feel for liam. he deserved the chance to get better, and to go peacefully, when the time came, gently. this really is devastating. may the hearts of all the ones who knew him find peace.

Thank you so much for this. And I’m so sorry you lost your parents when you are still so young. 🩷

[tiraam]

I think another sad thing about this Liam Payne situation is, that things will never change.

Yes, it was most likely drugs and alcohol what made the end situation what it was in the end. But mocking and bullying online is often one of the triggers for people turning to substances in the first place. Now, I was never a Directioner so I don’t know his full situation, what led him to the end result, but even I’ve seen quite a few videos on TikTok of people making fun of him only a few weeks back. I never interacted with them so they disappeared from my fyp quite quickly, but I can only imagine how many videos there really were. Even if he never saw them, he would’ve still been aware of them. And I can’t imagine it being a nice feeling.

No matter the rumors and situations surrounding him, he was still a father to a young boy who will now grow up without him. He was still a friend, a son, a brother, a bandmate and a person who mattered to a lot of people from a very young age.

People are shocked now but what bothers me is that, once it wears off, a lot of them will go back to making fun of people and bullying online. As this is what gets them views and attention.

I often feel like a lot of people lose their integrity once they start posting content. As them all they are consumed with is the thought of more views and for some reason, hate really brings in the viewers. And what their content actually does to real people outside of social media is out of their minds.

So while I wish this is what finally makes people wake up, I know it won’t.

It is a vicious cycle.

[stephstars08]

🤍✨Liam Payne Tribute🤍✨

It’s taken me a while to post about the passing of Liam and I think it’s mainly because I’m still in shock that he’s gone. I’m still in shock that the world loss a human who always wanted to share his love of music with the world. The loss of Liam has really hit me because he was such a big part of my life. The next morning when I woke up is when it really hit me that Liam was gone.He was a big part of all of people’s lives. Yes, I never met him but you don’t have to meet someone for them to mean something to you. I became a directioner when I was 11 years old. It was the summer of 2012 and I wouldn’t be turning 12 years old till October but my best friend and I, that summer of 2012 was just us singing and dancing to the songs from One Direction’s first album. One Direction’s music touched my heart and they were my comfort artists. My whole teen years all I did was listen to one direction when I was sad, happy, excited, angry. Whatever I was feeling I was listening to their music. I always felt like Liam was the sunshine of the group. He was always smiling in interviews and taking care of his band mates but he also took care of his fans as well. I actually was able to see One Direction play at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore, Maryland which is my hometown. I got to see them during their last tour together. I still have the ticket taped on my bed room door and I’ve been looking at it a lot these past days because that was a night that I’ve never forgotten. I still remember the day my parents told me I was going to go see them live. I cried my eyes out. One Direction was a big part of my life so to have to write a tribute post for one passing away, I never thought I would have to do it at just 24 years old. Liam, you still mean so much to not just me but people all over the world. You will be missed by so many and I just hope you know that. I hope you know that you are so loved and you are so missed. Liam, your legacy will live on forever and ever. You’ve gotten taken away from this earth far too soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to Liam’s family, friends, his son, and his band mates who weren’t just his band mates, but were his brothers.

I love you, Liam. Thank you for everything and I hope you are at peace.❤️

[httpsyoungho]

when i first heard ‘what makes you beautiful’ for the first time all the way back in 2012, my 9-10 year old self was hooked. from that day on i was like a super fan of one direction. i remember getting ‘up all night’ for my birthday that same year, binge watching the video diaries they made during their x-factor days, watching anything and everything pertaining to those boys. i saved up allowance money to buy ‘take me home’, bought the unofficial books from book fairs at school, posters, shirts, drinking cups, etc. anything that had them on it, i was begging my mom to buy it. i remember getting our moment for christmas and it was the first real perfume that i’ve ever gotten. over the years, more and more memorabilia entered my little collection some of which i still own and hold near and dear to my heart today like those perfume bottles and my tickets to the ‘this is us’ movie. my bedroom had handmade art of liam and zayn’s tattoos, quotes they’ve said, lyrics, photos of the boys that i would use up all my mom’s printer ink to print, etc. i ran three separate fan accounts; one on instagram, one on tumblr and one on twitter. it was a full time job posting about them. i was a big niall and louis girl, my profile pics were always flower crown edits of them, my bios were either lyric quotes or just something they’ve said in interviews, etc.

i was never the girl that got to see them perform live but it was something that even as a little girl i wished for, every tour they announced, i wished that i’d win a radio contest, sweepstakes or just get tickets by some stroke of luck.

to say that the members of one direction meant and still mean so much to me is an understatement. i grew up with them, they sort of raised me. i remember crying when zayn left in 2015. i was unfortunately apart of that large bit of directioners that had twitter beef with naughty boy. i remember being there when it was announced louis was going to be a dad and the whole “conchobar” name incident. i remember exactly where i was when i read the hiatus news that eventually became a disbandment. the tears of shed for these 5 lads was insane.

so when i found out that liam had passed away i was and still am distraught. i never knew him personally, never met him, never had any interaction with the guy except when he replied to a question of mine on a tiktok live i believe it was. i have cried on and off for the past two days. it’s difficult to listen or even look at anything pertaining to one direction without feeling such an overwhelming amount of sadness. i’ve had old mutuals that have reactivated their fan accounts reach out and we’ve just cried about this together. i understand that the man he became wasn’t ideal and that he greatly needed help but he still meant so much to me and other people. he was bombarded with hate in the last moments of his life and i just wished he knew that he was loved and people will always have love for him.

i always thought this was something that i would have to think about until i was in my 60s. i never in my early twenties thought i’d ever hear about a member of one direction passing away.

i honestly hope that his family, friends and his son, bear, are doing okay during this time. loss is something that we don’t really expect or know how to process especially when it’s so sudden like this. everyone closest to him are definitely in my thoughts and prayers right now.

fly high, liam 🕊️

[youcouldstartacult]

I think people are just losing the plot a little lol. This was such a sudden and tragic event and everyone’s emotions are turned up ten fold and I don’t think people are really taking the time to think things through all the way. I think everyone saying Niall needs therapy are just throwing out solutions that they think work because they don’t want Niall to be suffering and I get that, but it is invasive and insensitive in its own way. We don’t know him, we don’t know how he handles things or what he’s even had to handle in his life, he hasn’t shared much about his personal life but that’s what he wants, and he deserves that privacy. We have no idea how much this is affecting him or what he’ll do to cope, but that’s all up to him and as you keep saying, Niall himself has said so often recently that he has a happy and stable life, so we just have to trust that he’ll be ok. He’s got so many people in his life that know how to help him better than any of us do. People need to breathe and give it time. It’s just barely been a week, it’s going to get easier day by day.

this is really well written and i agree with it!

this “niall needs therapy” narrative is so ????? bc he has never been more outwardly happy and stable in his entire life!!! and he could very well be in therapy right now, why would we ever need to know? it’s just weird bc you’d think he was like… acting disturbingly in public when he’s not 😭

why people (directioners ??) assume niall is some helpless child or distraught basket case is beyond me. it’s like anon said, people like to fantasize about him being in a bad place. it’s weird. i have a few theories on it (i think a lot of directioners hate that him and amelia have been together for four years and he adores her and she completes his life. they want him to be sad :/ i also think a lot of ppl don’t like that he’s successful bc they always say like “niall would drop everything for a reunion!” and have pushed that narrative since 2015)

[heaven4lostgirls]

Idk where to start, man... I literally got to know this news through a reply on my comment on Instagram... and for a second... I was like "nah... bs" and I went to sleep... the next day I open my phone and boom.... everything is flooding... my heart is cracking every moment.... due to time lines, here is 20th now (early morning) so it's been 3 days since the news... first day I was in denial, second, pain, third hurt the most... panic attacks and crying uncontrollably.... he'll... funny thing is... my mom was angry at me... her exact words were "why are you crying for him?? Who is he?? If you cry I'm not talking to you anymore" Well, mother.... how do I tell you... he was a part of the 5 that saved me when I needed you... and you didn't come... how can I tell you... he's a stranger... but with so many memories... I was 4 when One Direction was formed, 9 when they disbanded... 13 when I found them.... I might not be a die hard fan... but I knew the little things... the water fights, the fear of spoons, the color blindness.... the fights, the diaries, the lyric changes on stage.... the boys, that somehow shaped my present now and future then.... how do I forgive myself for not following with them and their solo careers... I feel like I've failed them all as a Directioner... I couldn't keep up with them after they disbanded.... I couldn't help Liam... I couldn't keep Payno alive... I couldn't save the boy who saved me... and I'll forever regret that...

it’s not your fault, and it will never be your fault 🫂

i can tell you from my own experience that people that have never listened to or were’nt fans of liam/one direction do not understand.

a lot of them think more objectively than fans will, they are more likely to have less empathy about liam passing.

your mom’s anger is displaced, do not internalize it. don’t let her tell you how to mourn, liam was important to you and nobody can tell you how to grieve. crying is normal, feel your grief, let it remind you of the fact that liam was so so loved by many fans ❤️‍🩹

something that really helps me with panic attacks is cold things, like a towel drenched in cold water or cold air, cold water. something to shock your system out of a state of anxiety.

liam did some really horrible things but he shaped your life, he saved you and that’s something that counts. just because he fucked up doesn’t make him any less human.

nobody in this world is truly good, people who make it seem so black and white are ignorant. a lot of messed up shit happened to liam and he coped the best way he could.

that doesn’t negate the fact that what he did to maya and others was unforgivable but it does help to empathize of what was someone who should have gotten help, someone who deserved the chance to take accountability.

not keeping up with their solo careers also does not make you any less of a fan nor does it discredit your grief. i haven’t listened to a lot of liam’s solo music but i can listen to it now and grieve over the boy who deserved a lot more

you haven’t failed them and there’s nothing to forgive, if anything your grief is a reminder of all the love you hold in your heart for all of the boys, especially liam.

it hurts because you care, and that’s okay. it wasn’t your job to save him, i know it feels like it was within your control to help him, but it wasn’t.

liam was sick, he needed help but he never got the chance to fix his mistakes. that is not on us, only liam had the ability to write his wrongs.

grief is not logical, because logically there was no way for you to know how badly he was hurting. liam knew there were fans that loved him, he knew there were people around him that loved him.

only liam knew what was going through his mind before his passing, none of us will ever have closure and that might be the worst part about grieving him.

but what we can do is remember him, remember the boy he was and what he could have been.

[1dfangirls35]

I’ve been finding myself wanting to write down just what I’ve been thinking over the past 48 hours and who better to share them with then the former community I have through this blog.

I remember the day I learned about One Direction distinctly. While I think I had heard WMYB on the radio, it was another girl in my yearbook class watching the music video on YouTube my sophomore year of high school that subsequently lead me to stay up watching Funny Moments videos on my KindleFire late into the night. There was no going back after that.

It is hard to articulate precisely what One Direction means to me. I often joke that it’s a part of my personality at this point- much to my mother’s dismay of me never growing out of the “phase”. I lived and breathed One Direction throughout my last two and a half years of high school. Watching videos, writing fanfiction, sending fangirl Fridays to my friends, and even starting this blog. Through this band I made not only a best friend, but a community of worldwide fans. In the good old days, nothing could make me happier than staying up to listen to a new album (leaked more than likely), the boys tweeting out or going to a concert. That kind of pure happiness is something that I don’t think I have experienced to the same level in my adult life.

While I was always a Louis girl, this blog was started with a Lilo focus- with my friend at that time being a Liam fan. I have always viewed Liam as a strong foundation to the band- especially in the early days. “Daddy Directioner” always guiding them. His songwriting has also been part of many of my favorite tracks.

When Zayn left my freshman year of college, I truly thought that would be the worst day in the One Direction fandom, perhaps second only to the day they announced their 18 month hiatus. But soon I learned there was a whole new aspect to being a fan as each of the boys launched their solo careers. While some members of the fandom broke off and supported individual members, I stayed true to OT5 and was so looking forward to going to each one of their solo concerts.

The dream of course, was that one day they would reunite. 20 year old me thought that would be in less than 2 years, but as each anniversary passed, I started to have a new dream about the reunion. I had my savings account accumulating and knew that when the announcement came, that experience would be priceless. I didn’t care if I was in a nursing home or raising a baby I would be there. I looked forward to the feeling I would get when they announced a reunion or dropped an unreleased album- even if it didn’t happen until I was old and decrepit.

On Wednesday I learned there was a new worst day to be in the fandom- and that was the day I learned of Liam’s tragic passing. There would never be an OT5 reunion in the way that many of us dreamed of and more importantly we had lost a piece of the band.

I think the thing people in the fandom don’t understand is even though I’ve never met Liam- I still feel like he’s been incredibly influential to my life. It’s weird to grieve someone you’ve never met but yet means so much to you. One Direction and even the boys solo work has been a comfort to me at many stressful times. If I’m having a bad day it’s always my One Direction Forever playlist I turn to. I still can’t believe he’s gone. That I will never get to see him perform Strip That Down Live or throw water at Louis on stage again. There will never be a One Direction reunion- not in the way we have dreamed of.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized just how much these boys must have went through at the peak of One Direction. I look at myself between the 16-22 and see how little I knew at that age and how different of a person I was. I can’t even imagine what they went through with that level of fame at such a young age. We will never know what really happened to Liam. There were be speculations and autopsies and eye witness reports but the only person who knew what was going on in those hours leading up to his death is no longer with us. I only wish that he can now see the outpouring of love and support to a boy who shaped millions of lives around the world.

This tragedy is powerful reminder of the power of social media in both his negatives and positives. It’s a reminder that social media can be a harmful and toxic environment. But I’ve also realized over the past 48 hrs that social media can be a powerful tool for connection and community. My TikTok feed is full of memories of Liam and 1D. I’m in a groupchat for girls in my city setting up a tribute. Our fandom still continues to amaze me.

My heart aches for Liam’s friends and family. For Bear. For Niall, Harry, Louis and Zayn. I can’t even imagine what they are going through right now. I hope that even if this tragedy never leads us to a formal reunion between the remaining four, that this reconnects them together. I hope Liam is in a better place now and that all his pain and suffering are gone.

Take care of each other, take care of your friends and let us remember Liam as a boy that changed our lives forever. Let us remaninsce on all the joy he brought to our lives. One Direction isn’t One Direction without him 🥲.

Rest In Peace Payno

[imgloriaa]

not yashua complaining because he’s not getting enough the views and followers let’s be real here most of his “fans” were most people are from Richard followers and CNCOwners

I’m gonna be completely and brutally honest today, because i feel like it when i feel like a total gemini bitch.

CNCO took something for granted when they decided to disband: in their mind they thought they would come out of that mess unharmed. First of all, they relied too much on their fame status & didn’t realize they weren’t as big as One Direction and their fan base wasn’t as royal as directioners. Then, their decision of when announcing the disbanding. Bringing it out while accepting an award wasn’t a very smart move. In addition to that we should remember Zabdiel was already in talks to release his debut single while still in the band and Richard was hella mad at him and everybody knew something was wrong. All of these contributed to the reason a great portion of the fandom decided to step out. This was the first big mistake they made.

Their second big mistake was egoistically thinking they would have had the same success as One Direction members achieved when going solo. They were pretty confident it would have worked out for every single one of them, while they still had an example in front of them of how, in fact, it didn’t work for Jword. They were basically digging their own grave and didn’t even notice it.

Another mistake they made that costed them more than half of the fandom was their farewell tour. People forgive, but people don’t forget very easily. The farewell tour was not thought through like they made us think it was. Not planning an european leg was hella stupid, but planning 10 shows in Mexico was cruel. They didn’t sold out any of the 10 shows. And they were also forced to cancel some dates of the tour because tickets wouldn’t sell, at that point half of the fandom was gone and the other half was desperately hoping to see them one last time outside USA & LATAM - which never happened.

So, having finally said that, if Yashua is flopping, it’s just a reflection to what is happening to Richard. CNCOwners stopped caring about Richard and, as a result, they stopped caring about Yashua as well. Let’s face the truth: none of the CNCO guys will be able to achieve something as a solo artist because the fandom they thought they had doesn’t exists anymore. All of them were relaying on a previous existing fandom to start their careers - so, they were sure CNCOwners would stream their debut singles no matter what. They ended up not having that. Richard released his album on a platform where people have to pay the music per minute to listen to it, because nobody wanted to sign him - mainly because everyone knows their previous fanbase is completely gone (half of it switched to kpop lmao and the other half is probably like me: we listen to various genres because we can’t get attached to another artist anymore). Zabdiel is nowhere to be found in terms of music. Erick’s debut was lame - his team could have created some hype before announcing the single, but they didn’t. Hype is fundamental. And the song wasn’t even that good. He got a couple of performances booked and that’s it. He’s back in his apartment in Miami doing what he always does. Chris is… do we really think he would actually come out with music? I have lost hopes.

Men. They always manage to screw everything up and never have good ideas. Richard will be out there looking for a regular job or something else (dancing gigs? acting? everything to support one toddler and alimony to his other child.)

That’s it. I’ve spilled my hot tea once for all.