#i never wanna hear 'his first solo album Off The Wall'

[leapinarmadillo]

we (the world at large) need to put a lot more respect on Michael's career 1968-1978. it's not just cute and it's not just for kids. that little baby's talent and giant heart and pure soul eclipse any genre. first of all, the bubblegum is good. second of all, there's so much wonderful, complex music from the motown years in addition to the more bubblegum stuff

[rabbitechoes]

there were a lot of good tracks this month! judging by some of the new singles, early 2024 is shaping up to be a cool time for new releases. another note, i'm not sure if i'll do a favorite songs of december because i might just do a favorite songs of the year thing instead. i wanted to do one or the other because doing both would be a lot of work and i wanna enjoy my winter break tbh!!!!

as always feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter (i’m not calling it X)

"Mother Nature" - MGMT

◇ featured on Loss of Life - MGMT (not yet released) ◇ genres: neo-psychedelia, indie rock

This February we’re finally getting the follow-up to MGMT’s incredible 2018 album Little Dark Age! The lead single to this new record has the band exploring fresh, new sounds to great effect. MGMT are no stranger to psychedelia, but this track has them taking a considerably less electronic approach to it. The songwriting is some of their strongest to date. Very excited about this new album.

"I Swear, I Really Wanted to Make a 'Rap' Album but This Is Literally the Way the Wind Blew Me This Time" - André 3000

◇ featured on New Blue Sun - André 3000 ◇ genres: new age, ambient

This month we finally received the first full-length solo project from hip hop legend André 3000. As the title of this song suggests, this is a much different direction than his work in OutKast over 16 years ago. On this album, André explores ambient or occasionally jazzy soundscapes driven by the flute (his recent instrument of choice). This track is gorgeous with André’s flute passages taking center stage. This whole project is definitely worth a listen.

"Now And Then" - The Beatles

◇ featured on The Beatles 1967-1970 (2023 Edition) [The Blue Album] - The Beatles ◇ genres: piano rock, baroque pop

The jokes have been played out by this point about “these Beatles guys are good, they’re going places!”, but it is still bizarre to have a brand new Beatles song in 2023. I highly recommend watching the documentary about the history of this song and how it came to be. Admittedly, that documentary played a big role in my enjoyment of this song. It feels like a fitting send-off for one of the greatest bands of all time. Is it overproduced? Yeah lol, but this project is clearly driven by Paul McCartney who, as everyone should know, is no stranger to overblown schmaltz. We love him for it! Will this ever be lauded as one of band’s best songs? No, but it’s still very good.

"Celibate" - Danny Brown

◇ featured on Quaranta - Danny Brown ◇ genre: abstract hip hop

This new Danny Brown album lived up to most of my expectations while also subverting them. Brown takes a more introspective approach which really sets this project apart from his previous work. This track has been in constant rotation for me since it dropped. Danny's more subdued delivery works very well with the feature from MIKE (who just dropped a strong contender for rap album of the year). Really enjoyed this track and also the entire project.

‧₊˚✧ BEST SONG OF THE MONTH ✧˚₊‧ "Oral" - Björk & Rosalía

◇ genres: art pop, electronic

I thought this track would be good, but this is like unbelievably good. Björk wrote this track during her "classic period", but it never saw the light of day until this reworked version with Rosalía. These two work so well together. Björk's trademark ethereal sound shines through hear and the occasional reggaeton percussion underneath is a very nice touch. The chorus is a highlight in both of their careers and thats coming from someone who holds both of these artists in very high regard (admittedly mostly Björk, although MOTOMAMI ranked very high for me last year). Please give this a listen! Not only is this a great track, but its for a good cause!!! All streaming proceeds go to protecting Icelandic fish from harmful fish farms.

"Wall of Eyes" - The Smile

◇ featured on Wall of Eyes - The Smile (not yet released) ◇ genres: art rock, psychedelic folk, post-rock

The Smile are returning with a new record out in January and this track is very good! A few months ago they dropped "Bending Hectic" which, if you're keeping up, was my favorite track back in June. That track is making it on the album so even if this song wasn't good, I would be stoked. Luckily, this track is really good. I love the bossa nova inspired guitar throughout the song, the hazy psychedelic sound, and the small string flourishes. Really beautiful stuff. I can't wait to hear the rest of the record!

"Red Flags" - Brittany Howard

◇ featured on What Now - Brittany Howard (not yet released) ◇ genres: psychedelic soul, neo-psychedelia

Look, I don't know why so many banger psychedelic songs dropped this month, but I'm not complaining. I was a big fan of Brittany Howard's last record and the announcement of her new album flew completely under my radar until I was made aware of this single. This is an interesting new sound for Howard, but she pulls it off really well. If the whole record is stuff like this, we're in for a treat.

[success-and-corruption]

Macabre Album Review

DEG's second album! Oh yeah!

Track 1: Deity

This first track is definitely very interesting. It starts with a sleigh bell and then quickly turns into ominous chanting of some sort. Very spooky but also very different from their previous work which shows how versatile these five musicians are. The chanting eventually stops and we're met with heavy guitars and bass with Shinya playing a steady beat and Kyo vocalizing with a woman’s voice eerily making sounds. It sounds like he's gasping for breath (see what I did there)? That section ends and a clean guitar is played for a few seconds before the song goes back to the heavy riff after the chanting but this time Kyo sings in Russian to the tune of Johannes Brahms' "Fifth Hungarian Dance." This song definitely feels very religious to me which I suppose fits because the case for Macabre has prayer (?) beads in it.

I think Deity showcases DEG’s experimental side and sets the foundation for the rest of the album and it shows that DEG took a very different turn and became a bit darker.

Track 2: Myaku

Is this track in 3/4? 4/4? 5/4? 6/4?

Yes to all of the above. In the booklet it's indicated that this song was written by DIR EN GREY so no individual member wrote it specifically but the band definitely had some fun with time signatures in this one. Myaku was released as a single which is a bit different from the album version but I'm not reviewing the single. This song definitely departs from their late 90s VK sound which in my opinion is a good thing as it showed that DEG wanted to become more serious musicians. Plus, this track has one of my favorite basslines but I never got around to learning how to play it. Myaku is a chaotic song but it fits very well with Macabre.

Track 3: Wake/Riyuu

My boy Die does it again. This song is one of my favorites on the album and despite it being written by a guitarist, Toshiya’s bass really drives this track but we can’t forget the soaring guitars in the beginning and in the chorus. Kyo’s vocals are also great. Fantastic rhythm, instruments that all work very well together, and Kyo’s clean vocals? What’s not to like? This song really gets me moving for some reason. Not nearly as chaotic as Myaku, but Wake/Riyuu provides a nice structure and a consistent time signature (4/4) which is good contrast in my opinion. 

Track 4: Egnirys Cimredopyh +) An Injection

Everyone probably knows this by now by  Egnirys Cimredopyh = hypodermic syringe backwards. Despite that, this song isn’t about intravenous drug use. Kyo references a “white powder” a lot in this song and in one part of the song he sings “I started to speak to the wall with my lower half” (of course he sings that in Japanese) so I think this song is about abusing a drug called kakuseizai and... ejaculating onto a wall? To my knowledge cocaine isn’t very popular in Japan and kakuseizai (roughly translated to “stimulant” in English) is a type of methamphetamine that is used to improve pleasure during sex. Anyway as the lyrics progress it’s clear that the person in the song is battling between his good and bad side. They’re aware that their drug use is stripping them of their sanity but can’t stop and eventually gives in and “kills” the good side. In regards to the musicality of the song, again I really like the bassline (probably because I play bass) but the solos in the song, both bass and guitar, are seriously lacking in substance for me. However the rest of the song is fun to move around to i.e. it has a nice rhythm. 

Track 5: Hydra

“I wanna be an anarchist”

“Dead born”

“Sid Vicious, suspicious”

What are those lyrics??? This song is another experimental one with electronic sounds throughout. It’s also fast-paced and has another chant near the end of the song that breaks it up nicely. Lyrically there’s not much I have to say but this song is definitely one of DEG’s most interesting sounding. I’m sorry that I don’t have more to say. 

Track 6: Hotarubi

Hotarubi... what a beautiful song. It was very clearly written by Shinya. This track is, in my opinion, one of DEG’s best ballads but I think it goes on for too long but that’s just a very minor complaint. The strings complement the rest of the instruments and the part from 2:40-3:42 is stunning, with a surprising violin solo and a woman breathily vocalizing. Everything in this song works so well together except for the loud buzzing halfway through and Hotarubi never fails to evoke an emotional response within me. If it weren’t too long for my liking I would listen to it on repeat. At a certain point I just get bored. Also I think this song would be better suited towards the end of the album where the songs become more melodic.

Track 7: 【KR】cube

I’m not sure what【KR】cube means but what a fun song. Toshiya starts it out with that funky bass that we all know and love and then it transforms into a fast-paced song with a very nice rhythm on the guitars and Kyo’s clean vocals come in which is always nice to hear. I like the speed and rhythm of this song as it offers a pleasant difference from Hotarubi which is a very slow song. The chorus is very catchy as well 

Kururi, furari, fuwari, kurari

Kururi, furari, fuwari, kurakurari

and so on. The music video is fun for this one. We love Hitman Die. 

Track 8: Berry

This song is easy to figure out from the beginning dialogue of an English girl apologizing but then promising to blow her parents’ head off like raspberry jam (spoiler: she does at the end of the song). This one has more of a punk vibe and it’s kind of a fun song. What I can say is that I’ve never heard a song that features parents yelling at a child as part of a breakdown. It’s a good song but in my opinion it doesn’t really fit with the Macabre sound.

Track 9: Macabre -Sanagi no Yume wa Ageha no Hane-  

WOW what a song this is. I believe that this eleven minute prog rock masterpiece was the first song I learned on the bass (go big or go home). I love Shinya’s drums in the beginning and as soon as the other instruments come in you just know you’re in for a journey. This song has a great composition with all of the instruments and vocal layers but I suppose I should get into the specifics. The beginning (after the drums) starts with guitars that, in my opinion, portray a certain sadness while the bass drives the the song. Kyo’s voice is great in this one and also portrays that same sadness. After the first two verses clean guitars come in which is a nice contrast from the beginning but this song truly comes alive during the instrumental breakdown where there’s a guitar playing a repeating riff while insects buzz and a church organ plays in the background. It then switches to Kaoru and Die playing the same notes but alternating between electric and acoustic guitars. The breakdown ends with a very beautiful solo and Kyo singing in a higher register and making slurping sounds which makes sense if you follow the lyrics. There’s a bass solo which is always nice to hear. 

I think I’ve written too much about this song so I’m going to go on to...

Track 10: Audrey

What exactly were they trying to accomplish here? Country rock? It doesn’t fit with the album and it doesn’t even fit with DEG’s sound in general. I never listen to this song so I don’t have much to say about it. 

Track 11: Rasetsukoku

This song fits much better with Macabre, but only marginally. It’s definitely more speed metal which at this point in DEG’s music career hasn’t really done. It’s fun to listen to but the composition is quite simple and it tends to be sort of repetitive. I do like the bass in the beginning but the guitars in this song are kind of boring to me.  Maybe I should give it more credit. 

Track 12: Zakuro

I have mixed feelings about this song. It’s very emotional but maybe too emotional. It starts out kind of slow but I like Kaoru and Die’s parts in the beginning because they harmonize very well. I think this song has one of the most beautiful guitar solos they’ve ever written and it conveys the sadness that is the central focus of this song. My problem with it (and it’s a minor one) is that it’s definitely better live. 

Track 13: Taiyou no Ao

Another favorite on this album. Once again there’s a great bassline and while the song itself sounds sort of like a pop song the lyrics are rather sad. The prominent bass complements the guitars and if Shinya wanted a workout routine he could play this song a few times and he would get pretty buff. Can you imagine a buff Shinya? Neither can I. It just seems like his drums never stop for almost the entire song. It’s a nice way to close the album because it contrasts with the very dark-sounding Deity and it leaves me feeling good, albeit a bit sad because of the lyrics.

So that’s it. Can you tell I got a bit tired near the end? All in all I give this album 7/10. It’s a great album but there are some real duds in my opinion but it’s not my least favorite by any stretch. I’ll be reviewing all ten albums so you’ll find out which one I like the least...

As always feel free to comment your thoughts! I would like to connect with my followers a bit more.

[harryhoney-bee]

I thought parents didn’t have favorites.

anonymous asked: hi! could i request a dad!harry imagine where he favors one child over the other and causes some angst in the family? thanks!

Hope you liked it!

Words count: 2.2k

Angst to Fluff/ Dad!Harry

It was 6 pm, and Y/N was at the kitchen preparing Creamy mushroom pasta for dinner, her children’s favorites, Harry also liked, but not as much as the kids.

“Mom, is dad going to be home soon? I am so excited to show him my drawing!” Maya said while sitting on the couch looking proudly at her colored paper “Do you think he will like it?”

Y/N looked at her with soft eyes “Of course he will honey, is such a beautiful picture.” She goes near her daughter and puts her arm around Maya “My favorite part is the sunflowers in the back, I think it’s gonna be your dad’s favorite part too”.

“Well, I hope so!” Maya says looking happily at her mom.

she was such a beautiful girl, she was kind, smart. Different from her dad, she did not like to be the center of attention, in fact, Y/N and Harry found out she was a little artist just two years ago because she didn’t like others to see her sketches, the poor girl was too insecure about it, but Harry was trying to teach her how to be more confident. She had a lot of talent for twelve-year-old.

Y/N came back to reality when she hears a loud noise coming from downstairs, the basement, where Harry decided to make a little studio for himself, but the one person who was always there wasn’t Harry, but their son, Charlie.

Different from Maya, her brother loved being in the spotlight, he was outgoing and friends with everybody. He was the copy of Harry, from personality to talent. Charlie loves to sing, write songs, and play his guitar, but sometimes he would just go too far at the last thing, like right now.

Y/N makes her way downstairs, watching her son giving a real rock concert, she smiles at herself, he was so much like Harry…

“Hey little Rockstar, can you keep down, please?”

“But mom, a rock show without a loud guitar’s solo is not a rock show” The boy whines.

“Good thing we are at home, and not at a Rockshow, right?”

“I guess…” Charlie says “Mom when dad will be home? I want to show him my new guitar’s moves.”

“You and your sister just want to know about your father, huh?” She says pulling her hand to her chest, pretending to be hurt. “I am pretty cool too, just so you know”

Charlie laughs and gives his mom a hug.

“Mom, you are pretty cool, but dad is cooler”

“Such a kind boy I raised” She laughs, kissing him on the head.

She makes her way back to the kitchen, to finish the dinner, when she gets there, she notices Maya wasn’t in the living room anymore, assuming she went to her room, Y/N keeps doing her business.

Around 7 pm, Y/N heard the door open, and Harry shows up by the kitchen.

“Hi darling, how was your day,” Harry says kissing his wife.

“Really good, me and the kids just chilled all day long, what about yours?”

“It was really productive, just find a different way to do the melody of track 6 of the album, I can’t wait to show it to Charlie, he will love it so much!”

Y/N wasn’t surprised by his declaration, Charlie and Harry always had this special bond between them, Charlie’s love for music just made it all stronger. Sometimes she worried about Maya getting jealous of their relationship, but she never showed any type of different behavior. But Y/N would be lying if she said she didn’t wish Harry and Maya were closer.

As Harry would cross the door of the kitchen, Maya showed up, with the brightest smile on her face. “Hi dad,” she says hugging him, he did the same. “Look the drawing that I made!”

She shows him, but Harry didn’t even take the drawing to look closer, actually, his eyes lays on the picture for a few seconds.

“Hi! it’s cute, honey” He pats her head and goes to the basement, to find Charlie.

Y/N sees the worst sight a mom could see, her daughter’s face falling because of sadness, the little tears starting to pour from Maya’s eyes.

Before Mays can say anything, Y/N is there to hug her.

“Shh baby, mommy is here” She doesn’t hear anything but her sobs.

“Mom, why da-dad always wants to be with Charlie?” She tights her arms around her mother “Dad never want to spend ti-time with me-me, or give me at-attention, I thought that parents didn’t have favorites, but dad ob-obviously does! Mays cries even harder.

“Baby, come on, let’s talk in your room, ok?”

Both goes to Maya’s room, Y/N puts her on her lap, like she used to do when Maya was a toddler.

“Maya, I want you to listen to me, ok?” She grabs her daughter’s chin, she was now looking at her teary green eyes “Your dad loves you so much baby, you are his whole world! When he found out we were having a baby girl he cried for a whole week, you know?”

“He did mom?”

“Yes! You are his little girl”

“I wish I was a little girl forever, maybe then dad would like me as much as he likes Charlie”

The sadness in her voice makes Y/N want to cry “Maya, your dad loves you both the same, the only difference is that your dad can get really worked up about his music, and turns out that Charlie has the same excitement and passion as your dad. Charlie isn’t his favorite or the one he loves the most, he is just the one that shares more common interests.

“I love you mom” She says, “But can I sleep now? I don’t wanna go down there, not right now.”

“Yes baby, but tomorrow you have to eat a lot on breakfast, ok, since you don’t want to have dinner.”

“Ok mom” Y/N gives Maya a kiss on the forehead, and before she lives the room she hears her voice “Mom, I heard you and Charlie earlier, and I think you are the coolest”

Y/N laughs “Thank baby, good dreams”

Her smile leaves her face as soon as she left the room, Y/N has never been more pissed at Harry than she is right now, she goes to find him in the little studio downstairs. As she approaches, she hears both laughing, her heart softens a little.

“Hi guys”

“Hi Mom”

“Hi baby’

Y/N sits on the little puff next to Harry “Hey Charlie, could you let mom and dad talk a little in private? Please?”

Charlie looks at Harry, that looks at you with confusion on his face.

“Ok mom” He hangs the guitar on the wall, but before he left the room, his mother says “If you want to eat dinner you can, it’s ready, just be quiet because your sister is sleeping”

“Alright,” The boy answers, leaving the room completely.

“Why is Maya sleeping already? Is she ok?” Harry askes with worry in his voice.

“No Harry, she is not ok!” You left the puff and stand in front of his sit “she was crying because her father doesn’t give the attention she deserves”

“Wait, what? I made her cry?” He stands in front of her “And what do you mean I don’t give attention to her? I always do” He says, feeling hurt hearing such nonsense.

“No Harry, you don’t, when it comes to your free time you always favorites Charlie over Maya, don’t get me wrong baby, I love the bond you have with him, but it is hurting Maya that you don’t have a special solo time with her.” She looks at her husband, there was concern on his face, he opened his mouth, but closed right away.

“She was so excited to show you her drawing Harry, you had to see the smile on her face, she was counting the seconds for you to come home so she could show you, but you didn’t even look, baby.” She stares at his green eyes, the same as Maya, and sees tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I am such a bad dad” He breaks in front of Y/N, both adults hug each other.

“No Bub, none of that, you are an amazing dad, the best of all” The girl says, feeling her heart crumbling, in one hour she saw 2 of the 3 most important people in her life crying.

“Good dads don’t make their daughters cry, Y/N” Both of you sit on the floor, you are still hugging him, “And I didn’t notice I was favoriting Charlie over Maya when it comes to attention, you know?” He looks at you, his face washed with tears and sadness.

You passed the thumb in his face, taking away the tears.

“Is just easy for me to talk to Charlie, he likes the same things as me. I am aware Maya is my kid, but sometimes she intimidates me” He says laughing between is cry “She is so smart and knows so much about art and everything in general, last week we went to the market together, and she started to talk about European Vanguards, and I just couldn’t keep up with the conversation, ‘cus I know nothing about it” He laughs even harder, this time you follows him.

“Damn, I feel like crap,” Harry says, getting serious again “I was just so excited to share the new melody with baby number 2 that I forgot about baby number 1,” He says

“First, they are not babies anymore, are they?” She smiles sweetly at him “Second, parents are still people, baby, they make mistakes. Remember the time Charlie broke his feet playing in the tree?“ Harry nods his head yes “Remember how I go extremely protect over him because I didn’t want him to be hurt again? You showed me I was wrong about it, and we talked, and I cried, I felt like the worst mom in the world, but then you told me it was alright”

“So, now I am the one telling you it’s alright” She pecks him on the lips.

“Thanks, wifey, I love you” Both of them get up off the floor. “Hey, would mind if tomorrow me and Maya spent the day together? It’s not gonna fix everything, but at least I can apologize to her”

“No baby, not at all, Charlie and I could also use some alone time too.”

“Ok, tomorrow I will be taking her to have breakfast and spend the whole day together”

“Ok, so now let’s go sleep, tomorrow you gonna have a busy day”

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

It was not a surprise Harry found Maya in the kitchen so early in the morning, both are early birdies, what did surprise Harry was the lack of conversation between them, when his little girl did not wish him good morning, he realized how much he screwed up.

As she was about to take her cereal in her bowl he sits by her side.

“Hey baby, I just want to say that I am so sorry about yesterday or on any other occasion I didn’t give you the attention you deserve.” She looks at him for the first time since the incident, unlike Charlie, who looked so much like him, Maya was the perfect mix, her little green eyes and her mouth were exactly like Harry’s, but her hair and nose were all her mom’s.

“Daddy loves you so much Maya, you have no Idea-‘’Before he can continue, Maya hugs him, he felt tears in the corner of his eyes.

“It’s ok dad, mom explained to me last night, you and Charlie have the same passions so it’s easier for you to spend time together.”

“No baby, it’s not ok, I wasn’t being a good dad, I love you, to the moon and back, and I love spending time with you, I am genuinely sorry.”

“I forgive you dad, and I love you too, you are the best dad!”

He kisses her head softly “What about both of us have a day just for us?”

“Really dad?” The girl questions smiling brightly “I would love to! What are we going to do?”

“Well, I was thinking of getting breakfast at the doughnut shop and then we can go to a daddy/daughter art class, what do you think?”

“Only if I can order the doughnut with extra chocolate,” The girl says smiling.

“Whatever my baby wants, now let’s got, go change your clothes and please, bring your drawing for dad, ok? I need to admire the masterpiece my little artist did” He pats her head.

“Ok dad!”

He sees her leaving to her room, the amount of love he has for this daughter is incalculable, and he won’t bear to the reason for her tears again, because she is just too angelic to feel sad, and she looked just like her mother when crying.

[retrievablememories]

style | jaehyun

title: style pairing: jaehyun x black!reader genre: fluff request: “I was watching the bts for the photo shoots for neo zone and made think about how fun it would be on set with them. Do you think you could write something more jaehyun centric about being like a new makeup artist on set. It can be a black reader as well if that’s cool with you” word count: 2.8k warnings: none that i can think of except some cursing a/n: oof okay my mind somehow skipped over the “new” part so the reader in this fic is actually pretty experienced w/ being a makeup artist. i could rewrite it but i didn’t want to wait any longer to post this fic since it’s already been a couple weeks since the request. i’m sorry if this is not what you were looking for anon, let me know 🤕

Being a Black makeup artist in a mostly Korean music industry can be weird at times. It’s not the life of roses and perfume that many others at the beginning of your career would’ve had you think it is, but you have managed to carve out your own niche. You have friends and people who support you, and a nice apartment you’re able to pay for with the salary you receive from SM, which is enough for you.

It also doesn’t hurt to be surrounded by pretty men all the time.

You worked for many different groups and solo acts before landing a steady job at SM Entertainment—some were nicer than others, and some were straight-up assholes. You can’t say you miss those days much, especially when you were just starting out and not always certain of where your next paycheck was coming from. Now, your most consistent clients have been NCT, which you are grateful for; they’re always pleasant and fun to work with.

Your latest work with them involves NCT 127’s new album, Neo Zone. You’re coming in today for the first day of the album jacket photoshoot, which you’re excited about; you haven’t seen any of the NCT members since you worked on Coming Home. You don’t mind doing makeup for the other SM acts, but there’s a certain connection you have with this group that you just can’t explain.

With your makeup bag on hand, you enter the studio where the boys are going to be shooting today, already taken aback by the loud orange checkerboard pattern on the floor. There are even garish deer heads and hooves mounted up on the walls; SM has really outdone themselves this time.

“Y/N, it’s you!” Jaehyun looks excited to see you, and his enthusiasm rubs off on you; you shoot him a welcoming smile back.

“Hi Jaehyun,” you say, walking over to where he’s standing. Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate to open his arms to give you a hug, and you appreciate the soothing smell of his cologne before pulling away.

Jungwoo and Mark run up to you too, crushing you between them in a hug, and pretty soon you end up embracing all of the boys as they come over for your attention.

“Wow, that is some hairstyle…” you say as you pull away from Johnny. You reach up to pinch one of his twists between your fingers, examining it with a look halfway between mortification and amusement.

“Do you like it?” he asks, an equally awkward grin on his face.

“Um…I’m sure the fans will love it.” You can only chuckle and pat him on the arm before making your way back over to Jaehyun to start on his look for the shoot. You pull your supplies out of your makeup bag as Jaehyun watches you from the chair; his attention is eventually drawn away when Taeil comes over to show him something on his phone.

When you have everything ready and have pinned his hair out of the way, you start painting his face.

Jaehyun only has one AirPod in his ear; you’re not sure where the other is, but you figure it must be with Taeil or one of the other members. You think he’s just listening to music without paying you any mind, but he says suddenly, “I like when you come around.”

“Oh, really? Why is that?”

“I dunno, your makeup just looks better…” He lowers his voice as if he doesn’t want the other makeup artists to hear, and you laugh inwardly.

“Maybe it’s because I know how to use the right foundation shade.” You both laugh openly at that, and Haechan takes notice, dropping in beside Jaehyun.

“What are you two laughing about? I wanna laugh too,” the younger man says, his eyes round and mischievous.

“Just the fact that it’s no fun to walk around with makeup looking like Casper the Ghost,” you say, and Haechan scoffs.

“Try telling that to….” Haechan’s eyes dart around, and you suspect the makeup artist he wants to throw shade on must be at the shoot with them right now. “...nevermind, that’s a discussion for the group chat!” Instead, he goes over to Taeyong to bother him.

“Group chat? I feel left out now,” you say jokingly, continuing with Jaehyun’s makeup.

“You don’t have one with your stylist friends or something like that?” he asks.

“Yes, but I wanna know what you guys are talking about…” You raise your eyebrows. “That’s just nosy me, though.”

“Nothing interesting,” Jaehyun replies, though you can tell by the look in his eyes that that’s far from the truth.

“Mhmm, sure.” You purse your lips together and shake your head. “Don’t let me find out you’re on some fuckboy shit.”

“If I was, would you punish me?” Jaehyun says this loud enough to draw a few mildly scandalized glances from the stylists and makeup artists standing nearby, and you duck your head, feeling equal parts tickled and embarrassed.

“You’re a mess, Jaehyun. I’m trying to keep this job, okay?” you reprimand him, but there’s no seriousness in it at all.

“Of course, you’re right—I’d never want to see my favorite staff member gone.”

“Shiiit, now I’m just a staff member?” You put a hand over your heart, acting hurt. You both laugh and joke around for a while longer until you’re done with his look for the photoshoot.

Once you finish with Jaehyun’s makeup, you do Mark and then Taeil, chatting casually with them all the while. Taeil is still a bit quiet with you, but he’s incredibly funny when he wants to be, and you can always appreciate a good joke or two. You know Jaehyun “flirts” with you noticeably more than the other members do, but you’ve gotten used to all their subtle differences and you don’t think to chalk it up to more than innocent playfulness—or over-playfulness, maybe.

You’re always somewhere nearby in the background, ready to jump in and retouch someone’s foundation or redo a highlight whenever necessary. You sit back and watch Jaehyun take his solo pictures, admiring your good work on his makeup—or maybe his handsomeness all on its own. He has a good face, you think, and try to convince yourself that you’re only thinking about it in terms of how easy his features are to work with.

Your front row view of the show is interrupted when one of the stylists comes over to ask you a question, and you’re pulled to another area to handle an issue. There’s never not something to do on days like these, though you don’t really mind it; being busy doesn’t bother you as much when the work is fairly fun. 

The other boys continue playing around on the set as they wait their turns for solo photos and then group pictures. You eventually end up back in front of Taeil again, fixing a spot on his foundation with a Q-tip as a hairstylist fusses over his strands.

You sit on one of the couches on set for a moment’s break after finishing with Taeil. Johnny comes creeping over to you with the polaroid camera he’s been carrying for the past half-hour, and you can already guess what’s about to happen. You hold your hands up, blocking your face.

“I know you’re the aspiring photographer and all, but can you give me and my visage a break?”

“Just one?” Johnny begs, giving you his best pout. You give him an unimpressed look and cross your arms, but your face eventually cracks when he keeps throwing you exaggerated pouty expressions.

“It’s not happening! I’m not even prepared for pictures today,” you insist. Your complaints are interrupted when Haechan slides onto the couch beside you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“Don’t you want to take a picture with me, at least?” He tries to press his cheek against yours and you gently chide him about his makeup, not wanting to create more work for the other girls on set who’ll have to fix it. “I knoww, I knoww. If you take a picture with me, I’ll stop!”

You sigh in mock distress. “Fine, one photo! Can’t keep these paparazzi off my back, can I?” You and Haechan end up striking multiple poses for Johnny while he pretends to be an enthusiastic photog capturing a celebrity couple.

“Hope Jaehyun doesn’t get too jealous,” Johnny says absentmindedly, holding one of the shiny polaroids between his fingers. You cock your head at that.

“Now why would he get jealous?”

“Because that’s how Hyung is,” Haechan replies, quickly getting off the couch and trying to usher Johnny off the scene. He acts as if the older man has just said something he wasn’t supposed to, and Johnny belatedly notices his “mistake” with an awkward shrug. Before he leaves, he hands you one of the polaroids of you and Haechan.

“Put it in a scrapbook or something!”

“Sure, Johnny.” You stare at the small photo in your hands, though Johnny’s words stay floating around in your mind well after the first day’s shoot is over.

The next day is hectic, much like the last, though the set is quite different this time around. You definitely feel a bit better about having more space to move around in without other staff members practically standing on top of each other. Johnny’s hair is back to its normal state, though now Taeil and Haechan have braids; you can’t help but squint your eyes at that, though you say nothing. It’s not worth falling out with the hairstylists again—you learned early on that these companies are gonna do whatever the hell they want.

“You look really good today—all thanks to me, of course,” you tell Jaehyun after he finishes recording his part for the BTS video. “Aren’t I magic?”

“Don’t knock the hairstylists, they wouldn’t like to hear that,” he snickers.

“I’d like to do more than knock them, but we ain’t got time for that.” You wave your hand and change the subject. “Did you enjoy yesterday’s shoot? I dunno about you, but I think it went pretty well. Hopefully today is the same.”

Jaehyun nods his agreement. “It was great.” Then he pauses before casually mentioning, “I heard you and Haechan were getting close yesterday, though.” You notice Doyoung and Yuta out of the corner of your eye, lingering around as if they’re waiting on their turn for photos, but it’s clear that they’re eavesdropping from the looks on their faces.

“Yes, so sue me for hanging out with an NCT member that isn’t you, how could I ever betray you in such a way?” You cover your mouth in faux horror and the other man shakes his head, grabbing your elbow.

“I don’t know if my heart will ever recover,” he says, going along with your act. He pulls on your arm and brings your hand to chest. “Feel it—it’s broken!”

This feels like a bold move even for him, and Doyoung makes a noise in the background that confirms your surprise. You whip your head towards the other two men and they immediately scatter, finding other things to preoccupy themselves with to avoid your scolding.

Jaehyun’s heartbeat is a little faster than it should be under your palm, and at this point you can probably guess why. Johnny’s words and Haechan’s near panic come to the forefront of your memory again. You behave as casually as you can, drawing your hand back to your side and quirking an eyebrow at him. Someone calls your name from the other side of the room, and you go to see what they’re hollering about, but not before calling over your shoulder,

“Your heart rate’s elevated, might wanna see a doctor about that!”

You end up having to retouch Jaehyun’s makeup more than usual throughout the shoot because of his playing around with the other boys, whether it’s riding in a shopping cart or trying to pedal a damn bicycle up the wall, and you almost have to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose.

“You’re really gonna make me work for this job, huh?” You put your hands on your hips after finishing your quick fixes.

“Maybe.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“So, you admit you think I’m cute?”

“What do you expect me to say? You certainly ain’t ugly...don’t let it go to your head, though.” You pat his shoulder and steer him towards the cameras. “Now go on! Don’t make me have to stay past midnight fixing your makeup all day.”

The rest of the jacket shooting goes smoothly—as smoothly as anything can on a busy set, anyway. Yuta even manages to get you to dance with him to one of the songs blaring over the studio’s speakers, though you scurry off again as soon as you see Johnny coming with his phone in hand. You know his blackmail folder must be huge at this point, and you’re not trying to become a part of the collection.

The boys come over for their hugs again as you pack up your makeup bag. Pretty soon, the only one left without an embrace is Jaehyun.

“Saving the best for last?” you ask as he watches you. He really does do that a lot, you realize.

He shrugs as if he’s unaffected by your compliment, but his dimples peeking out give him away every time.

“You can just say it, you know.” You look around and lower your voice. Though the playlist is still cycling through as loud as ever, you’d rather not have anyone else’s ears in your conversation right now.

“Say what?” he whispers back, still smiling.

“Hello! I think we both know.”

“You want to hear me say it that bad?”

“That’s rich coming from you! I’m not the one who pulled a move literally out of a kdrama earlier.” As you speak, you accidentally knock over a bottle of setting spray on the table, and both of you reach for it at the same time. 

Jaehyun’s fingers linger on yours, sending little sparks of excitement up your arm and through your body. You risk a look at him, and although you’re supposed to be keeping it low right now, you feel as if you’re the only two left in the room. He leans closer, and his familiar scent hits your senses again, threatening to wrap you up permanently in its hold.

“You’re right. I like you.”

Jaehyun picks up the fallen bottle and presses it into your hand, and it takes you a few seconds to react and put it back in your bag.

“I knew it,” you lie. You’re not sure why you feel so nervous about this, or why you feel like you’re doing something you shouldn’t. It’s not uncommon for idols to date their stylists; after all, they’re around each other all the time. But that doesn’t mean the company or anyone else will approve.

“Yes, Detective, you’ve figured out the big mystery.” You glare at Jaehyun for that, but he remains unphased. He turns around and leans against the table, giving off a casual air when he’s really checking to make sure no one is heading in your direction. “So...what do you say?”

You decide to draw this out a little longer just because you can. “To what?”

“I know you like me too.”

“Maybe,” you say, mimicking his earlier answer. “What are you gonna do about it if I do?”

“Make you my girlfriend, duh.” He says it with all the confidence in the world, but then backtracks a little when you give him an amused look. “Only if that’s what you want, though; we don’t have to do anything if—”

“You’re overthinking it!” You shake your head as you put the last thing in your makeup bag and zip it up. “I want to. Really. But you’re gonna have to take me out first.”

“Just tell me where you wanna go. I’ll take you anywhere.”

You sling your bag over your shoulder and sigh. “Have you always been this good with words? Or is it just because I like you?”

Jaehyun pushes himself off the table and steps closer, crowding into your personal space. “You tell me.”

“Don’t be so obvious.” You step back when you notice one of the managers’ eyes lingering where you two are standing. “Just...text me. You know how to reach me, right?”

“Of course.”

You continue stepping backwards towards the entrance, not wanting to let him out of your sight just yet. You smile and wave with both hands, still playing the role of “makeup artist to a super-famous kpop idol” and not “departing girlfriend” like you want to. “Then we’ll talk next time! Bye, Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun waves back, and you don’t turn around until you’re well into the hallway and one of the other boys has called him to hurry up. Leaving the building, you lean against one of the outside walls to take a breather before you head to your car.

“Holy shit.”

[rainydawgradioblog]

RDR Essentials - Hip-Hop/R&B (4/21)

RDR Essentials is a weekly newsletter of alternating genres that outlines key releases of the past month, upcoming events around Seattle and happenings in the specified music genre.

Made in collaboration between Rainy Dawg DJs and the Music Director.

Releases:

Armand Hammer & The Alchemist - Haram

New York rap duo Armand Hammer have become known for their dreary, dense, and thought-provoking poetry, often paired with gloomy instrumentation and symbolic storytelling. Haram, the duo’s newest full-length album, marks billy woods and Elucid’s first collaboration with one producer for an entire record. The Alchemist lends his ear to the pair on this album, providing an eerie, haunting and emotive soundscape that still sounds like nothing the legendary producer has made in the past, pushing his own boundaries and proving that he is capable of evolution even after a career spanning two decades. Tracks like “Indian Summer” are laced with a menacing energy, while “Falling out the Sky” sounds almost summer-esque, like the sun peeking through an otherwise dark place, beginning with an abstract verse from Earl Sweatshirt, centered around mentions of the sky, space, and supernovas. This track starts a three-song run of the record’s only rap features, as well: “Wishing Bad” contains a furious verse from Curly Castro, transitioning with a more than menacing audio sample that forebodes in an echoing fashion: “There’s a lot of blood early on here”. This next track,“Chicharrones”, is one of the most fear-inducing beats the Alchemist has concocted thus far, and acts as an anger-fueled climax of the record. Quelle Chris delivers a seething verse, focusing on police brutality, not from a perspective of fear or sadness, but rather unrestrained rage, rife with references to George Orwell’s seminal Animal Farm but grounded in a clear disdain for the police. “If you off the pig/ Is you offin' pigs or offerin' figs?/ Oh, you big and bad?/ Blowin' hay and sticks, huffin' bricks” Quelle Chris chides in the chorus: “off the pig” likely refers to not eating pork as a convertee to Islam, in reference to the album’s title, “haram”, meaning “forbidden”, and the record’s stomach-churning cover art. The chorus seems to call out those who claim solidarity and yet “offer figs”, a phrase with roots in the biblical tale of Adam and Eve, who, in shame for their behavior, cover their genitals with fig leaves.

These guest features reinforce the record’s themes of drug abuse, class theory, racism, and the cultural ramifications of the “forbidden” in all its forms. Those who use the forbidden to cope, those who are able to get away with doing the forbidden, and everything in between seems to manifest within the record’s walls. As with every Armand Hammer release, however, it is the energy and poetry of these two MCs, seemingly almost psychically connected, that makes their staggeringly dense words so potent. At every turn, the two seem interlaced. Elucid brings invigoration to his verses, combined with sung choruses that sound as raw as can be, like on the solo track “Roaches Don’t Fly”, with soaring guitar riffs carrying an explosive verse (“My new name, colonizer’s can’t pronounce”) swelling to an enormous sung mantra: “You don’t gotta be here if you don’t wanna.” Elucid’s unique style of delivery often sees him, as many have noted, emphasizing unexpected syllables in his words, leaving his performances consistently engaging. Billy woods’ signature vignette-style storytelling and dry, dark humor are intact once again as well. The first verse of “Indian Summer” sees woods start a track as menacingly as one can (“I swore vengeance in the seventh grade/ Not on one man, the whole human race”), leading to a chilling tale of a man’s past in drug sales using a job cutting grass as cover, with detail to spare, painting a clear scene of “the stink of gas in the evening” and “the intoxication of counting cash in secret.” Highlight “Squeegee”, too, sees woods providing an unbelievable lesson in telling a full story in a short amount of time, chronicling a man’s attempt to turn his life around: eating healthy, working out before dawn, and barely smoking weed. Ultimately it’s all for naught, as paranoia takes over. He wonders if someone will follow him home, he wonders what his neighbors are doing, and it seems that old habits creep their way back in: ‘The taste in his mouth just like before.” It’s a chilling vignette, and undoubtedly one of woods’ best verses to date.

The album ends on an emotive high note; if “Chicharrones'' was the angry climax, “Stonefruit” is the album’s explosive and heart-wrenching finale. Elucid’s sorrowful chorus makes clear a turn inward, after an album focused so heavily on societal ills. “I don’t want to lose control” he repeats: “I’ve got so much left to undo.” Finally, billy woods delivers the album's most painful and emotive verse. Woods seemingly chronicles a rocky relationship perhaps interrupted by a sudden passing, a relationship filled with strife (“Said ‘OK’ to save face, but she never forgave”) that is yet anchored by an irrefutable love. The beautiful instrumental turns into a droning, and the euphoric emotional climax is once again drowned out by the ills it is surrounded by. This album is dense, difficult, and often a hard listen. But if one chooses to give it the attention it asks, it is more than rewarding enough, and once again proves billy woods, Elucid, and The Alchemist as three of the best artists we’ve ever seen.

- Casey Chamberlain

Kenny Mason - Angelic Hoodrat Supercut

Atlanta artist Kenny Mason is beginning to make a name for himself. After his impressive Angelic Hoodrat last year and a standout feature on Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats’ UNLOCKED 1.5 remix album, the 26 year old is back with a sequel project, Supercut, and continues to impress with his astounding mix of rock and rap. The project is a tightrope act that balances the genres, bringing trap beats, triplet flows, and bedroom guitar passages in equal measure. Rap cuts like the excellent “A+” featuring Denzel Curry see Kenny bringing technical flows and quick wit to the table, alongside standout “Much Money” which sees Freddie Gibbs making an appearance, bringing his signature swagger and Instagram-story quotables.

However, the most impressive aspects of the record are where things begin to change up, seeing Kenny swing more into rock and indie territory. “Play Ball” feels like a teenage anthem, accompanied by driving guitar riffs and bouncy drums and vocal mixing more reminiscent of a live performance at a house show than a recording booth. Opener “43”, too, immediately sets the tone, with a powerful sung chorus and heavy guitar rhythm and booming drums. Perhaps the biggest highlight, however, is the two-part “Pup”, which sees a low-key first half blend into a spacey and introspective second half. Not only is the production here at perhaps its most interesting of the record, combining gritty guitar and a pulsing trap beat, but Kenny’s songwriting stands out as well, with a strong emotive performance and personal lyrics highlighting insecurities. If there’s any critique to be had of this record, it would be that it most certainly feels like a part two of the first Angelic Hoodrat (in fact, the record’s title even makes it sound more like a deluxe than a separate album). Yet, Kenny’s style is most certainly exciting, reminiscent in equal measure of contemporaries across the musical spectrum, from Jean Dawson to JID. If refining his sound means putting out music as impressive as this, then Kenny Mason is on the right track, and is one to watch.

- Casey Chamberlain

Benny the Butcher & Harry Fraud - The Plugs I Met 2

Benny The Butcher has rocketed to heights previously unknown in the last year, with his full length project with Hit-Boy, Burden of Proof, being his biggest project yet, and seeing him steer into different sonic territory, moving away from the grimy Daringer and Alchemist production he had become known for on projects like Tana Talk 3. 2019’s The Plugs I Met was the epitome of that sound, and it’s perhaps inevitable that Benny would move past it at some point. Plugs I Met 2, however, feels like a marriage of those two sounds, sounding like a true sequel to the first project while still pushing into new territory and incorporating bigger features. There’s nothing as grimy here as the first album’s “Sunday School” or “Dirty Harry”, but tracks like “When Tony Met Sosa” and “Plug Talk” carry that same energy.

Highlights include “Overall” featuring Chinx, where the production feels like a brilliant mix of the street sounds and the lavish flashiness of Benny’s wordplay, alongside heavy drum kicks and incredibly dense production. Harry Fraud produced every track on the project, and this consistency shines. Each track sounds different from the last, but they fit neatly together. Even the tracks that tone down the energy feel just as lyrically impressive, such as “Live By It.” The features are mostly standout as well, with guest verse from 2 Chainz, Rick Hyde, and more. Overall, this is a solid project and logical sequel to the first Plugs I Met. Those who miss Benny’s grimy, TT3-era sound may be disappointed not to hear it return on every track here, but for those who remain impressed by Benny’s newfound flexibility, Plugs I Met 2 will no doubt remain a worthwhile addition to the Griselda catalog.

- Casey Chamberlain

Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats - UNLOCKED 1.5

Not content with waiting for the already-announced sequel to release, Kenny Beats and Denzel Curry return with a batch of remixes of tracks from last year’s excellent UNLOCKED with UNLOCKED 1.5. Featuring guest production and verses, this collection feels less like a full project on its own and more of a playful invitation to collaborators to make something brand new out of an already energetic album. The original UNLOCKED made clear its influence from MF DOOM, Madlib, and a host of others, seeing Kenny Beats branch out into new, cartoony territory and seeing Denzel Curry flex his lyrical prowess on a non-stop barrage of high-octane tracks. 1.5, in comparison, takes many of those rambunctious verses and places them over entirely new production. Standout “So.Incredible.pkg”, with production by the great Robert Glasper brings a jazzy and laid back energy, where Denzel still feels right at home, followed by an excellent and sly verse from Smino. “Cosmic.m4a [The Alchemist Version]” brings in the legendary producer for a brand new beat with beating drums and piano passages, alongside a vengeful, if not far too short, verse from Joey Bada$$. “Pyro” sees bouncy new production from Sango, with a witty and childlike feature from Kenny Mason. The highlight, however, has to be “DIET_” which, as the standout of the original project, with Denzel’s ferocious and guttural delivery inspired by the late DMX now enhanced by an effortless verse from Benny the Butcher, marking an unlikely but incredibly fulfilling appearance. The original UNLOCKED was a lighthearted project that showcased the talent of Denzel and Kenny Beats. 1.5, while not necessarily a fulfilling EP taken on its own, is something of a victory lap for the duo and their friends, a fun counterpart to the original project and a flexing of creative muscles.

- Casey Chamberlain

AG Club - Fuck Your Expectations PT. 1

When AG Club titled this album “Fuck Your Expectations”, they meant it. Fans, like me, who became hooked on AG Club after their debut melodic rap masterpiece Halfway Off the Porch, have been patiently awaiting a completed “Fuck Your Expectations” since its anticipated debut date in the summer of 2020. After months of waiting, with a few eclectic singles sprinkled in, AG Club decided to fuck our expectations once again by only giving fans part one, released April 2nd, with part two expected (I’m hesitant to use this word) on April 30th. Although it’s not the drop fans were expecting, it’s more than enough to tide us over. AG Club, now only composed of Jody Fontaine and Baby Boy on vocals, brings a fresh and exciting energy on this album that is more comparable to their early singles, like “Holy Shit” or “Ay, G”, than it is to their last full release. Tracks like “NOHO”, composed solely of bass and percussion, and “Columbia”, which features a blaring horn like they just brought the cavalry out, are the album’s “bangers”. AG Club hasn’t settled - they still have chips on their shoulders - and these songs prove that. To round the album out and further their pattern of genre-warping, tracks like “HOT PINK” and “A Bitch Curious” mix R&B, indie pop and rap to produce a completely new sound for the group. And just when you thought your expectations were certifiably fucked, the “A Bitch Curious” instrumental suddenly morphs into an EDM beat around three minutes in. Although it’s filled with an absurd amount of interludes for a nine track album, this project will still leave you saying: “Thank you AG Club, may I have another?”

- Charlie Darnall

BROCKHAMPTON - ROADRUNNER: NEW LIGHT, NEW MACHINE

The visuals for BROCKHAMPTON’s latest record say a lot about it. The video for “BUZZCUT”, the album’s opener, is a glorious clusterfuck of outdated animation and strobing color. On Spotify, every song is accompanied by a video of each vocalist’s face slowly morphing into the next. The self-proclaimed boy band’s visuals, although abrasive at first, are full of depth; every scene in a video or clip has spot on color pallets, an energy that accurately mirrors the song and an attention grabbing theme. And ROADRUNNER is equally as dense. Sonically, the album can range from the aggressive, east coast rap inspired “BANKROLL” to the all acapella, gospel inspired “DEAR LORD”. Between these polar opposites, lie eleven eclectic, constantly morphing tracks. “WINDOWS” is an eerie, acoustic laced song about all the boys being “outside your window” (oh no!) Following it, however, is the accessible and breezy R&B/pop track “I’LL TAKE YOU ON” featuring the legendary Charlie Wilson. “DON’T SHOOT UP THE PARTY” contrasts a beat that could send an Ibiza nightclub into a frenzy with passionate lyrics about racial injustice and the media and government’s inability to condemn white mass shooters. In the spirit of a “new light”, BROCKHAMPTON decided to include features on this album - a first time for the boy band. In both popularity and sound, these features are equally as eclectic. Features range from industry titans, like A$AP Rocky, to smaller, indie pop artists like Baird. Amongst the album’s themes of religion, hedonism and new beginnings, you will find density, both instrumentally and lyrically. 

- Charlie Darnall

Young Stoner Life - Slime Language 2

The second installment of Young Thug’s Slime Language series is undeniably essential. Young Thug and Gunna together are arguably two of the biggest figures in rap right now. Do you have a cousin or sibling in middle or high school? What about a friend in a fraternity? I’ll bet you $100 they’ve both heard a Young Thug or Gunna song in the past week. Both these Atlanta artists have transcended your average rap fan; their songs might be on your dad’s favorite radio station. And I think they’ve realized that. Out of the many things this album succeeds in, its greatest accomplishment is playing into the popularity its creators have achieved. Features include Drake, Lil Baby, Lil Uzi Vert, Travi$ Scott, Skepta, Kid Cudi and even the controversial YNW Melly. The beats are accessible and lend themselves to millions of streams. Tracks such as “I Like” and “Trance” model the more melodic side of Travi$ Scott’s sound with a low tempo and spacey synths. “That Go!” sounds like Playboi Carti had a beat to spare after finishing Whole Lotta Red. In terms of lyrics, there isn’t much to say. Gunna and Young Thug are still two of the biggest rappers alive, they’re still quite wealthy and they’ve made sure to mention that, although their lines seem to prioritize memorability. Every song is either hard enough to make a JV basketball team go nuts, melodic enough for late night drive or bouncy enough to make your mom go “oh, this is fun!” The album plays on many established themes and styles, but I asked myself two questions after I first listened and these are the answers I came to: Is it trying to be popular? Yes. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No.

- Charlie Darnall

Upcoming Releases:

MIKE- Disco! (6/21)

New York rapper MIKE has released a steady stream of incredible, personal, and beautiful records over the past few years, and it seems he is gearing up to release another project, titled Disco! this June. The rapper’s raw delivery and soulful production has brought him to the forefront of the burgeoning abstract hip-hop scene, and projects like 2019’s Tears of Joy and the seminal May God Bless Your Hustle have garnered not only critical acclaim but a fanbase of passionate fans. The lead single for the project, “Evil Eye” provides a gorgeous sample and instrumentation and a short but sweet verse, and is a perfect taste of what is sure to be another personal and important record from one of the best rappers currently working. Disco! arrives June 21st on MIKE’s label 10k.

- Casey Chamberlain

Paris Texas - “BOY ANONYMOUS” (5/14)

Compton-based duo Paris Texas have announced their debut EP, BOY ANONYMOUS. The group has made a splash with the project’s lead singles after dropping the explosive “HEAVY METAL” earlier this year. The group mixes rock and rap, and brings a ferocious energy to their music while staying introspective. The group’s name comes from the 1984 movie of the same title, often cited as Kurt Cobain’s favorite film. The duo has released two other tracks prior to the project’s release, “FORCE OF HABIT” and “SITUATIONS.” The eight-track EP is out May 14th.

- Casey Chamberlain

[mc-doppomine]

My Ranking of Matenrou Songs

All done in good fun and is just my silly opinion. Music is totally subjective and what I find to like may not be what you come to like. So take everything with a handful of salt. Includes all of their album songs. I’m not including the battles as that’s probably deserving its own listing. Will throw Wrap & Rap and Lesson in there for fun too.

Overall, I think Matenrou is sort of hit or ‘eh, it’s fine’ for me. It’s either such a bop, that’s all I’m listening to for weeks. Or it’s one that I might go seek out either for researching purposes or it’s just specific mood. No real in between. And that’s probably because of the major differences in their members. It’s clear they were formed because of Jakurai’s eccentricity and fondness of it. And with any of the crews, I tend to like the team ones. I just like hearing different voices coming together. Especially when theirs is made to sound nice together. So yeah. 

13) Welcome U - It just didn’t feel like a Matenrou song for me. I’m sorry! I have no idea what Matenrou songs are but this just wasn’t it for me. I just didn’t vibe with it. Which is weird considering this was the first major song of Matenrou and technically my first since I did do the anime series first. But let’s put it like this, I can literally remember every other thing of the entire episode that featured this song...besides the song. Everything. But. The. Music. Of a series where the music is the focus. That’s not good. But to be fair, I more or less like one song from each team from the anime and Welcome U was not it for Matenrou. 

12) Papillon - Mmm, I dunno. I like the song in theory since it is very much them just kicking back and that’s cute. In practice? I don’t know how it didn’t click for me. I don’t think it was because of the talking because that was done in Ohayo Ikebukuro and I like that one. And I do find it fun as it absolutely sounds like them talking in the car. Maybe it’s just which styles blended together? I really can’t place why I do not like this one as much. Don’t hate it, don’t love it.  

11) Champagne Gold - I know! I know! I don’t know how we came to this considering I like Hifumi over Jakurai. But I just couldn’t get into this one! Maybe it was at a disadvantage because it was such a stark contrast with the others on the album. I have no idea. I do know I was a little put off by call back since it really just sounded like him in a higher pitch...which is fine but I’m pretty sure they just used a girl’s voice in an earlier part of the song and I just don’t get why didn’t use something like that for the call back. And too many champagnes. I am concerned for your liver, Hifumi.

10) The Champion - Poor frickin’ Hifumi. I’m sure he had to despair when he was looking through the verses of his teammates. Like do you guys know how to write a victory song??? Which is a shame because Hifumi’s verse and style was so suited for this sound. I honestly I don’t think it was the the verses so much as the chorus though? I know their voices generally sound deeper than most of the other divisions but felt like worked against them in this song. 

9) Lesson - And I think this is the last of my ‘I probably wouldn’t look it up too often’ songs on this list. I honestly thought Ramuda took the show in this one but I mean it kinda makes sense since this was him teaching Jakurai and of course Jakurai is gonna sound clumsier than him. I find this one really cute. It also was fun listening to how the beat switched up for every lesson. I think it’s only lower because I don’t have a way to listen to it consistently. But I do think of Jakurai actually ‘putting up his white flag’ to Ramuda and Ramuda able to point out Jakurai’s strengths was also super cute and also super sad thinking about what came after this. 

8) Party wo Tomenaide and You Are, Therefore I Am - Yes, I had a tie. Mainly because they have the same reasoning for being here. And that’s that they both have tripped me into their arms and not let me go. I wasn’t too into them before but both of them have grown on me. Ah, I think Party wo Tomenaide’s lyrics just ends up attacking my feels and it’s one of those pop songs that are actually sad and I don’t know, somehow that’s a subset of my music tastes. Meanwhile I wasn’t into the ‘being taken to church’ songs that are usual in hip-hop genre but I was really surprised by the content of the lyrics and it honestly sounds like Jakurai’s happy in this one. 

7) Fallin’ - This may have a slight edge just because I just think of that entire frickin’ episode when I listen to that song. And I dunno, anyone else feel like this was like them testing out if Matenrou could do the pace for what would be Tomoshibi? That’s what I feel like with that one. 

6) Labyrinth Wall - I feel like not a lot of people like this song. And I mean, I guess if I had think about the lyrics for a long time, I probably would be like ‘you okay over there Jakurai?’ But I dunno, the pace and the off-vocals? Banger. That swell into his chorus? Absolutely fucking great. Naaa...! Shindara doko ni--I chose this over frickin’ Tigridia for my ringtone for that part.

5) Tigridia - I originally had loved Tigridia first and that’s mainly because it was the first song I was listening to that used Doppo’s ‘natural’ voice all the way through. He has a nice voice! The sax is hella sexy in the background. Nice little bit of jazz. I’m surprised this wasn’t my friend’s favorite track tbh. But it eventually got beat out as my knowledge of hypmic grew.  

4) Wrap & Rap - Look. Look you can judge me all you want but this is one of those songs that could be played while I’m at some of my worst and I can’t help but smile at it. It’s my Sugar Song and Bitter Step. It’s a dose of seretonin and has to be parsed out because I have to go looking for this song if I wanna listen to it.  

3) Black or White - Yeah yeah, go ahead. Be unsurprised that my fave is at the top of the solos. But to be fair, I fell in love with Doppo’s verses and songs before I fell for him. Black and white ended up a hit for me with its vibe (although I admit I found a cover first and only realized when I going back through songs). When I learned the lyrics, I can’t help but smile and feel those words in my bones of miserable workdom. It makes my terrible shifts bearable.

2) Tomoshibi - I get so emotional over this song still. And it’s just. So. Vulnerable. I don’t know how to describe the feeling I get of actually thinking about the lyrics. And then just the music itself. It’s like a drive in the evening or early morning as it starts raining (I actually do often listen to this song on my morning drives). I’m never gonna stop getting got by the interjections of their teammates within their verses and how their tone changes after being picked up by that person. I can’t even with that--! It isn’t so slow it’s ballad-y but it’s not a dance thing. Which may be why it is just below my number 1. 

1) Shinjuku Style ~ Don’t Make Us Laugh ~ - If it hasn’t occurred to y’all by now, I’m a being in love with vibe of let’s fuck shit up and being a bad bitch. And that’s all I got from this song. Like how no one heard this song and didn’t go for the throat with these bastards is anyone’s guess. Especially since that Hifumi’s best diss verse and he chose VIOLENCE. And they just? Had such strong boss energy??? I don’t know how to put it! I love the mania of Doppo’s verse and also I continually laugh because he and Jakurai literally call Doppo and Hifumi some psychopaths. Like you wouldn’t think that dealing with them. Then you meet them on the battleground and you know it’s not an idle threat. This is one of those songs that if I had to get pulled over, let it be while I’m peeling down the highway to this. 

[pinencurls]

Oh Honey

Hey! here’s the last of my draft one shots! Hope u enjoy and if u don’t remember I wrote this a g e s ago so you can’t blame me !

Italy, bike rides and a sun burnt Harry

3.6k 

These days, we wake in the early hours of the morning. It's hard not to stir when the sun rises so early and bright through the thin cotton drapes strung up over the bedroom window. Sometimes, we stay quiet. Exchanging a few murmurs of good morning wishes and lightly pressed kisses; silently decided to stay in each other's arms until the ungodly hours pass and breakfast is more tempting than bed.

I think it's Wednesday. I got pulled into the warped holiday time effect as soon as we arrived. I was free from jet lag at least, the flight from London to Italy only changing the clocks forwards about an hour. Harry had been less fortunate; the busy winding of work post-tour kept him out in Los Angeles a few more days than planned whilst Sarah, Mitch and I made our way to the holiday home we'd booked in Italy to celebrate a successful first tour. By the time Harry arrived in the white-walled villa tucked away comfortably in a small town - away from prying eyes, he was slow-moving and sleepy, although the afternoon was only just setting in. He'd eagerly drunk the coffees we offered and passed out around 5pm. Harry complained to me the next day that he was still exhausted, his brain and body were working nine hours behind after all-

"You shouldn't have slept on the plane, H." I mumbled, steadying the kettle over the large white mug as I poured hot water into Harry's second coffee of the morning. He'd been vocal about his dissatisfying sleep all of the two hours we'd been awake and my comment was seemingly unhelpful. He confirmed this by burying his face into my neck, head laying heavy on my shoulder, a low groan buzzing against my skin.

It took him a few days before he was fully himself again, but we've been here for a week now and everything's falling easily into long days by the pool and explorations into the cities either side of us. It feels oddly like a family holiday, I've known Sarah long enough; We grew up in the same town a few years apart, both moving away when we hit eighteen to pursue careers in similarly creative industries - music and journalism. We ended up at the same dinner parties and, for a few months before she moved to LA, we shared a shoebox flat in London.

She's the reason I met Harry; I stayed in her overheating LA apartment over the Easter break of 2017. We spent most days sprawled out on her sofa with all the windows thrown open, catching up on everything that'd happened since she moved away. She'd promised I could meet Mitch - a guitarist for the new band she'd started playing with whom she'd been dating for a few months. I'd heard bits and pieces about him as soon as they met, mostly about his brother-like closeness to the singer they played behind, and as promised, the Tuesday afternoon I opened her front door to Mitch, an equally long-haired-Hawaiian-shirt-clad boy followed.

Harry was goofier and unarguably louder, we paired up naturally in the group of four and it wasn't hard to get to know him, or to fall for the infamous charm I'd heard he was known for. To my pleasant surprise, it didn't feel odd when we joined in with Sarah and Mitch's couple-y activities - mini-golf, brunch, movie nights, I tagged along to a few studio sessions too before I had to go home. We promised to keep in touch but I was certain I'd probably never see him again, or at least not in the same way we'd spent the last week but, when he kissed me goodbye at the airport, I had a little hope.

"Hazzaaa!" Mitch calls loudly down the hall - no doubt on a temporary high from his new coffee addiction. There's no point responding, I can hear his footsteps storming towards our door before he swings it open and I can hide my face further into Harry's shoulder, who is unsurprisingly awake now.

"Go away Rodrick." I grumble, smiling at the rumble of laughter my nickname causes to ripple through Harry's chest.

"We've got bikes, Sarah's found a ride that's only a few miles - we're gonna get lunch." I could probably live here with Sarah and Mitch forever, there was only a few years difference between us but sometimes they felt like parents - or older siblings, cooing over me and Harry's relationship. I always felt part of something when we were all together, it wasn't so hard to imagine moving around each other in the same villa for the rest of our lives.

"Give us a sec Mitchy," Harry's waking up now, I roll over as he leans forward to sit, reaching out for the tea Mitch passes him. I hear mine clink down on my bedside table. "When're you leavin?"

"Thirty minutes?" Mitch replies, twisting his wrist to check the time on the ridiculously retro watch Harry had bought for his birthday. "S'already midday."

Harry hums, promising we'll be down in ten before Mitch accepts his mission of recruitment successful and leaves the room. I shift my head at the metal click confirming the door's shut behind him.

"M'gonna stay here," My face is resting in the crook of my arm, eyes closed as I try to cling to the last bit of sleep, "too tired."

The duvet shuffles slightly again with Harry's movements. He rests on his front now, his torso propped up as he leans his face down into my hair. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to his smiley morning kisses or the smooth scratch when his curls fall over my own.

"It'll be fun," I turn beneath him, settling to listen to his groggy drawl, his accent is always thicker in the mornings, he strokes a wave of hair behind my ear to see my face. "We'll get a nice lunch - Sarah'n'Mitch'll fawn over some street cats, what more could you want?"

"Sleep..." I giggle, his classic pout having the opposite effect as intended. "I'll come next time, promise. Today I just wanna sleep a little more and maybe go for a swim."

He glances down at me for a moment longer, hesitant to accept my excuse before swooping down to press a kiss to my cheek with a hum of approval and bounding out of bed. He tugs a white t-shirt over his head, pulling it down his torso to reveal the smiling bee graphic - "Enjoy Health - Eat Your Honey." He tries to calm his slightly dishevelled curls in the mirror before he goes back to his long morning process of getting ready.

I could spend all day by the pool if nobody stopped me. It's small enough to fit cosily in the garden of the villa and still leave enough patio for lounging chairs and a small table. A row of citrus fruit trees line the fence at the edge of the garden, they offer a little shade over the far end of the pool in the afternoons when the sun reaches its peak. Every now and then a blossom will fall from the larger trees along the patio; the first day we were all together, Sarah, Mitch and I swam for hours until the evening breeze got too cool against our wet skin. Harry had been reading in a chair a few feet off from us and despite our noisy chatter, he'd fallen asleep, no doubt aided by his still slightly backwards body clock. I made my way over to wake him, the breeze must have been stronger than we thought because as I got closer I noticed tiny pink flowers nestled in his hair - they must have blown from the trees and landed on him as he slept. For hours after he trailed behind me inside through the patio doors, I was picking small blossoms from his curls, he was smiley and dopey from jet lag as he kept reaching his hands out to catch mine and pull me into his chest. I'd missed him for the last ten months when he'd been dazzling the world in flares and Gucci suits. I visited and travelled with him for a few show dates, of course, we'd even managed to spend Christmas and our one year anniversary together, but it was different spending so much time apart. Everything was still shiny and new to me when he left for his first solo tour - we'd only been together four months, most of which had been spent in his London house or weekends together in LA. The refreshing familiarity of being together again after so long hadn't quite rubbed off as we lay sprawled over the sofa, blossom abandoned for now.

"What're you thinking about?"

I look up at Harry, he's changed into a grandpa esque pair of brown drawstring cords I don't miss the little bow he's tied. He raises his eyebrows at me inquisitively when I don't answer, smirking slightly as my eyes wander up to his face.

"Nothing," I smile, pausing to yawn, "Just thinking about what 'm gonna do today."

"Sure you don't want to come with us?" He's collecting bits and pieces from around the room - his phone, wallet, sunglasses, but he peaks his head over his shoulder to look at me as he asks.

"Yeah, think I'm just gonna sit outside for a bit, I wanna catch up on a little bit of work."

His eyebrow quirks up slightly, the 'catching up on work' conversation is something we've had tirelessly throughout our fourteen months together. His work was obviously a little more...noticeable. When he was at work it was normally in a studio all day or sat in meetings, sometimes in a different city or country to me. I could work at home more at least; the articles and reviews I wrote almost always required me to spend a few days out of town to research the topic but once I had my notes, I could write from home. This sometimes lent itself to later nights sat up in my small study - work day blurring into the evening. Harry couldn't argue on it though, he did the exact same. His long hours out of the house didn't cancel out the long ones in, Jeff called any hour of the day with 'pressing matters' and even without external pressures, Harry was determined to get everything perfect, even if it meant tweaking new songs on his weekends off. Normally when he was overwhelmed by the workload of album deadlines and promo he was out in LA, where the pre-sleep chatter whilst we both got ready for bed wasn't an option.

"We're on holiday love, you can let some of it slide."

"It's not work-work, I just wanna write a little." I brush the topic away, it didn't need to abet the argument it'd triggered in the past. "Hurry up - Mitch'll run off without you at this rate."

"I wouldn't worry, don't think Mitch has run a day in his life." Harry chuckles, the goofy smile he wore the whole first day we met beaming back at me as he tucks his belongings in his pockets. He leans down to where I'm sat up over the duvet now, kissing me goodbye. "Be back in a bit, don't burn the house down."

"Promise not to - don't fall off your bike." I say as he pulls away. "Love you- now go, I can hear Mitch having a hissy fit from here."

He laughs. Everything's so easy here, it feels as if time has warped slightly and nothing's too hard anymore. The sun's almost at it's strongest now, defying the curtains and falling on Harry as he makes his way to the bedroom door, picking up his pace as Mitch yells up the stairs at him to 'Stop messin with your hair and come down already.'

"Love you!" Harry calls behind him. His heavy footsteps are followed by Sarah's laugh from downstairs and then the door clicks shut and everything's quiet again.

After an hour or so laying by the pool and a nap that might have lasted a little longer than planned, the sun beats a little heavy and I make my way inside. I've written a decent amount - I found myself recalling the last week here, dipping into more personal ground than I would usually. It's not that Harry and I's relationship is a secret anymore, after about eight months people caught on, but we were still private. He'd brush off interviewer questions about relationships and his 'status' and my social media profiles are free from the hundreds of cosy domestic Harry photos I might have posted if he was someone less in the public eye. It's hard sometimes, especially when I can't share a decent chunk of my photography and all the experiences I might have written about. My old film camera is sat on the kitchen counter now, no doubt filled with sweet moments that'll never see the light of day outside of the four people in them.

The fridge was pretty well stocked considering we'd spent a lot of evenings eating out. We'd taken an eventful shopping trip earlier in the week to the massive grocery store in the town thirty minutes down the road. We ended up buying too much fruit and bread and not much else. The trek home hadn't been considered as Harry and Sarah grew more and more excited over the fresh foods they were used to being shipped over and older than ideal, after it all, we ended up on a long single-tiered town bus, tote bags full and tucked safely on our laps. There one photo in particular of Mitchell standing at the bus stop, watermelon in his arms and a bemused expression on his face that I can't wait to see again once I get to the small camera store back home.

After scouring the shelves for a moment longer, I settle on a sandwich. I'm slicing crunchy lettuce on the old wooden board with swirly carvings around the edges when I hear the door open and familiar voices.

I smear a thin layer of mayonnaise over the contents of the bread before cutting two even triangles and wander out to the living room. Mitch and Harry are already lounging over two of the sofas when I get there, Sarah's nowhere to be seen but the sound of the shower running upstairs starts quietly through the house.

"Hey," I call, making my way over to the back of the black sofa Harry's laying over. "How was it?"

Harry peaks one eye open and reaches his hand up towards me-

"Good- what're you eating?" I steer my food away from his prying fingers as he swoops up to tear off a corner.

"Sandwich, didn't you just eat lunch?"

"Yeah but the portions were tiny," Harry whines slightly, reaching up in a second attempt, protesting when I love the bread away from him again. "I'm growing!"

Mitch laughs from the other side of the room. He swings his legs over the side of the sofa and stands up, rubbing his eyes slightly and trogs over to the stairway. "I'm gonna go shower."

"Good idea, you stink mate," Harry smirks cheekily, earning a glare from Mitch before he disappears up the stairs.

"How was it really, H?" I ask before taking another bite of my sandwich.

"S'good, we cycled for ages - it was actually really beautiful. You've gotta come with me sometime before we go home, although we need to find a different cafe- I paid €11 for the smallest burger I've ever seen."

"We'll bring a picnic or somethin'" I muse, thinking between chews. "I was thinking we could make something tonight 'stead of going out again, something summery maybe."

"Yeah?" Harry mumbles, rubbing his hand over his sun pink cheeks, "Like what?"

"Maybe pitas and some fruit- you bought enough kiwis to last us a lifetime." It's true, he'd claimed he had to in celebration of the tour coming to an end. "Here, d'you want the rest?"

Harry's eyes wander down to the remaining half of my sandwich I'm holding out to him, I try not to think too long about how I could watch his sleepy eyes light up for as long as he'd let me.

"I had something after you left earlier, I'm not that hungry." He looks up at me, unconvinced, but takes the plate anyway, quickly setting the plate on his lap and tucking in. Now that he's sat up in the light without the shadows of the dark cushions around him, I can see how pink is face really is. There's a blushing red along his cheeks and nose and the tips of his ears are bright pink. I brush my thumb over his ear softly, catching his attention as he winces slightly.

"Sorry- think you caught the sun a bit." He swallows the food in his mouth and nods up at me.

"Yeah, hurts a bit." I tilt his face slightly to see the other side - the pink continues down his neck and shoulders where it disappears under the tan lines of his t-shirt.

"Did you not put suncream on before you left?" His mouth full again, he just shakes his head. I smile slightly at how suddenly he's eased into his patient role, munching on his sandwich and peering up at me - ready for me to tend to his injuries. A soft grumble comes from Harry before I sigh - "I'll get the aloe vera."

I walk out into the cool tiled kitchen, opening the fridge again to retrieve the small pot of gel from the top shelf. It was one of the only sensible things we'd managed to buy during the kiwi shopping spree.

"And why didn't you have any suncream on?" I chastise him, giggly at his pouty expression. "It's right on the table, you know."

"You were in bed - I forgot." He eyes my movements as I tuck my leg undeath my body and sit opposite him on the sofa, twisting the cap off the small glass pot in my hands.

" M'I supposed to remind you of everything now, can't even remember suncream without me hey?" He shakes his head, curls tousled around his face. "Come here, stay still..."

I balance the pot in his hands and push his hair back and behind his ears, it'd gotten longer on tour and was threatening to grow into a curly lord farquaad territory. He keeps his head in place when I take back the pot and spread the cold gel over his nose, smiling slightly in surprise-

"S'cold." He watches as I scoop another load of aloe onto my fingertips and cover his cheeks.

"It's been in the fridge- how're your shoulders?" I ask once the gel is spread sufficiently over the pink tint that covered his face and the tips of his ears.

"Not so bad, it's just my face that hurts really."

I hum an okay, spinning the pot lid back on and placing it on the coffee table beside my lunch plate. Harry's hands lay limply in his lap, one reaching slowly to stroke the hem of my loose summer dress. I look up to see his slightly shiny face settling in a shy expression-

"I can be quite forgetful - might have to look after me forever you know." He smiles lovingly, looking up from where his finger and thumb play with the cotton of my dress, to meet my gaze.

"Oh forever, so you've got no plan to improve this bad habit then?" He laughs at my teasing and his smile broadens into a trademark Harry grin.

"Nah...S'okay though, I'll look after you too."

We all end up in the garden by eight pm, lying around the pool with platters of fruit and pittas full of salad and falafel. Harry has a stripe of suncream down his nose and he keeps trying to throw kiwi into Sarah's mouth, although it's ending up anywhere but. The pink in his cheeks has calmed down by now and he's stolen a blue scrunchie from my suitcase and tied a little bun on top of his head.

The hours tick by and the air starts to lose its humid warmth. Pair by pair we trickle back inside, Sarah and Mitchell retreating to their room first.

Harry's standing above me, barefooted in the grass and tipsy on wine. He holds out his hand to me and I take it, pulling myself up from the soft blanket we'd been laying on.

"Leave it," Harry says when I kneel down to fold it, "It's not gonna rain."

Before I can protest he's pulling me behind him and inside the sliding french doors. The tile floor's cold against the bottoms of my feet but the air inside is warm, Harry squeezes my hand in his and pulls me closer against his side, slinging his arm over my shoulders. He's soft and sleepy, and we make out way up the curling staircase clumsily in each other's arms.

I call goodnight to Mitch and Sarah before falling into my own bed. There's a second and then two familiarly inked arms curl around me and pull me into a warm chest. I'm a little drunk, sun-kissed and sleepy from the long conversations of the evening and it isn't long before my eyes are closing - the last noise I can hear is Harry's soft mumbling against my hair. I could definitely stay right here forever.

[sadaboutniall]

something about you;

introduction | masterlist | tag | wattpad

Twenty Six. August, 2017.

It all happens so fast. It’s like one morning he’s talking about how to best release This Town, if they should just throw it up on SoundCloud or give it a proper release, and the next he’s on a world fucking tour of his own, album in his back pocket, screaming fans lining up outside once again. He hadn’t expected this, didn’t really think anyone would care so deeply about him, on his own. 

They come up with the idea for Flicker Sessions and Niall thinks it’s fucking brilliant, a great way to ease into a solo career, a perfect way to showcase his album—his life’s work—the way he wants it to be heard. It’s fucking brilliant and he can’t wait to kick it off—until it actually happens. 

Because he hadn’t thought, really, about what it would be like to sing Flicker in front of people for the first time. Hadn’t really considered that this record, so intimate, so personal, such a reflection of his soul, would be something that he doesn’t want other people to hear. The prospect of it is fucking terrifying, and he’s got fifteen minutes to get over it before he goes on stage.

‘I think I’m going to go out there now,’ says Isla, who’d been in the dressing room with Niall, watching him get ready. They’d made out against the wall for ages, his hands on her thighs under her sundress, her lips soft on his neck, careful not to leave any marks. It calmed him, being close to her like that, but she wants to watch the show from the crowd like everyone else, wants to experience it properly, and Niall’s not sure how he can manage fifteen more minutes alone with his thoughts. ‘You ready?’

‘Not really,’ Niall admits, fiddling with the sleeves of his white t-shirt. ‘Fucking shitting it.’

‘Yeah, I would be too,’ Isla says honestly, pressing a kiss to Niall’s throat. ‘But you’re going to do great. They’re gonna love you.’

‘Just feel so,’ Niall drags a hand over his face. ‘Naked?’

Isla tilts her head, eyebrows raised. ‘I mean, if you want to be—’

‘Please don’t tempt me right now,’ he whines, and Isla laughs, eyes warm as they trail over Niall’s body. ‘Tonight,’ he lowers his voice for her, leans in for a kiss.

‘Ah, you’ll be too drunk to get it up,’ she says it in the same low, sultry voice as Niall, smile pulling at the corners of her lips. ‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep.’

-- 

It really does feel like he’s on stage naked. He had thought the Jingle Ball tour was exposing but this is totally new, a different level, an intimacy he didn’t even think was possible. Almost everyone he grew up with is here tonight and everyone knows—they all know this is about Isla, who’s standing with them, singing along to songs they’re all hearing for the first time. He’s literally laying his heart out for people he’s known since he was a child: dissecting the intricacies of the love that has defined his entire life, for the entire world to hear. He never knew he had it in him to do this. 

He relaxes into it a few songs in, feels like he fully finds his groove by the middle of This Town, when the whole crowd can sing along. He finds Isla then, too—he’d been searching for her the whole set to no avail, and something about it feels particularly fitting, that his eyes land on hers at that moment. She’s the only person in the room as far as he’s concerned—fuck the Capitol execs, the journalists, the musicians he grew up listening to who are here now to listen to him. It won’t make him any better, worrying about them; this is for her. 

During Flicker, he has to close his eyes. It feels impossible to look at anyone when he’s this vulnerable, this honest. He can only think about how he felt while he was writing it, how terrified and clinging to hope he was—and then how it felt to play it for Isla for the first time, to watch her break down over the things he never found the courage to tell her properly. He could’ve saved them both so much pain, if only he hadn’t been so afraid. 

He gets it together, though, after Flicker and then Too Much To Ask. He finds his footing when the setlist speeds up, when he glances back into the crowd to see Isla and Emilia dancing, drinks raised above their heads, to Since We’re Alone. It’s smooth sailing from there out—he tries not to look at Isla too long during Slow Hands, for an entirely different reason this time, and feels his heart swell and nearly burst with the crowd’s reaction to On My Own. By the end of the set all he wants to do is keep going. Again, again, again, again. He wants to keep doing this on his own. 

--

The afterparty is in Coppers, which feels ridiculous but perfectly stereotypical. It’s part business meeting for Niall, who spends the first half of the night talking to the Capitol team and to journalists, accepting claps on the back and handshakes and congratulations, watching out of the corner of his eye as Tara collects business cards and phone numbers on his behalf. It’s all good news, Niall knows that, but it’s making him itchy and antsy, standing here doing this while his friends and family mingle around him, dancing, laughing, throwing back shots and raising pints. He wants to be with them, too. 

He escapes near midnight, when the execs have gone home and Tara’s disappeared with some guy who went to uni with Deo. Part of him wants to take a few seconds alone just to breathe, but he’s not willing to risk it, sure that someone will come up and interrupt if they see him alone. Being with Isla is better, anyway, than being alone.

He finds her with the Mullingar crew, no surprise. Mully’s got one arm slung over Mia’s shoulders and the other slung over Isla’s, and the sight of it makes Niall’s heart do a few flips in his chest, a smile rise on his face.

‘Something you need to tell me?’ He asks, sidling up to the group and gently touching Isla’s lower back. She’s beaming when she turns to him, and very, very drunk. 

‘I’m her surrogate fella,’ says Mully, stupid smile on his face. ‘Her real one fecked off to make business deals.’

‘How’d everything go?’ Isla interrupts, shrugging Mully’s arm off her shoulder and leaning into Niall instead. He feels a rush of pride in his chest, as if there had ever been anything to worry about. 

‘Really well, I think,’ Niall drops a kiss to Isla’s hair. ‘But I don’t wanna talk about work shite anymore. Shall I get us drinks?’

‘I’ll come with you,’ she says, smiling. ‘Anything to escape these eejits.’

Their friends shout after them as they walk away, Niall’s arm fitting comfortably around Isla’s waist. She drops her head onto his shoulder and the butterflies don’t let up—he doesn’t think they ever will, no matter how long he and Isla stay together. He loves this: walking through a crowd of people with his hands on her, her body pressed up against his. He likes that everyone in this room knows they belong to each other. 

It makes him itch for more of this, more moments and places where they can be open, together. But Niall’s seen what going public with relationships does for people like him. He swallows the idea, tells himself he’s not thinking straight. He’ll let Isla make the decision when she’s ready. 

At the bar he gets a Guinness for himself, and another vodka coke for Isla. They find a quiet spot near a window and this is all Niall wanted, he thinks—just some time with his girl, alone, before he has to face the rest of the world again. 

‘How do you feel?’ Isla asks around her straw, already deep into the drink. This is so typically her, piss drunk and still asking how everyone else is doing. ‘You were fucking brilliant. I fucking cried. Like, a lot.’

‘Did ya?’ Niall wishes he had his eyes open during Flicker, all of a sudden. He hates the idea of Isla crying without him. ‘I was that bad?’

‘Fuck off,’ she giggles, reaching up to cup his cheek. ‘I’m so proud of you.’

He grasps her wrist, pulls her hand around so he can press his lips to her palm, a gentle kiss. ‘Love you,’ he tells her. ‘This wouldn’t have happened without you. Thank you.’

‘It would’ve,’ Isla whispers, barely audible over the loud music, the roar of people talking. ‘You would be just as talented without me.’

‘No,’ he shakes his head. ‘All this is you. I wouldn’t have even auditioned without you, let alone written an entire album.’

‘Ah, you would’ve found someone else to inspire your angst.’

‘No,’ Niall repeats himself, trying to convey just how serious he is through his voice. ‘It’s only ever been you.’

Isla doesn’t fight him, just runs her thumb over the outline of his lips, over his dusting of stubble. ‘Colm is here,’ she says eventually. ‘He came up to talk to me earlier.’

‘What?’ Niall feels a strangely specific tightening in his chest, one he hasn’t felt since secondary school. ‘How did he get in? I didn’t invite him.’

‘Came with Nicky as his plus one.’

‘For fuck’s sake, I’ll kill the bastard.’

‘S’alright,’ Isla soothes. ‘It’s been ages. Was weird, though. He asked me if I was happy with you, if I was okay with being kept a secret.’

‘He what?’ It kind of feels like the only word Niall can say right now. 

‘I dunno, it really was weird. He was saying how I shouldn’t settle, how I deserve someone who doesn’t feel like he has to keep me a secret because he’s ashamed of me. I know he talks shite but, like, what a weird thing to say for no reason,’ Isla sips her drink, not quite meeting Niall’s eye.

‘He’s a fucking idiot bastard,’ is what Niall manages to get out, corners of his vision clouding with anger. ‘Just wanted to make you feel like shite one last time, and that was the best he could come up with. Petal, I’m so sorry, I wish you told me right away. Would’ve had him kicked out that second, but I’ll do it now, let me call Bas and—’

‘It’s okay, Niall,’ Isla touches his chest gently. ‘It won’t do any good to make him angry. I don’t even know why I told you it just… I’ve been thinking about it, is all.’

‘About what?’

‘What he said,’ says Isla softly, stirring what’s left of her drink with her straw. 

‘Do you feel that way?’ Niall asks, bile rising in his chest. ‘Like I’m ashamed of you? Because that’s the furthest from the truth, Isla, I—’

‘No,’ she shakes her head quick, cuts him off. ‘But I know, like. I know that I don’t fit in. With your work friends and stuff.’

‘What are you talking about, yes you—’

‘I’m not, like, a model or anything. I’m not talented or stunning or charming or cool, like that. I know I’d make a tit of myself if you took me to any of your work events, and I know that, like, publicity-wise there are better choices for you in terms of a girlfriend.’

‘Isla—’

‘I just don’t want you to feel pressure, like?’ Isla still won’t look at him. ‘I love you so much, but if I’m not the right fit for your job—’

‘Isla,’ Niall raises his voice just enough to get her to look up at him, brown eyes wide, wet, sad enough to snap his fucking heart. ‘I don’t want you to think like this. I don’t want anyone but you—I’m never going to want anyone but you ever again. Every time I had someone who wasn’t you I was thinking about you, for fuck’s sake. Christ, if you knew the number of times I almost said your name while I was in bed with someone else… it’s fucking embarrassing. You’re drunk, petal, and I don’t want to have this conversation right now,’ he brings his hand up to cup her cheek now, hoping she can feel just how much he loves her this way. ‘But I want to carry it on in the morning, when you’re sober. Is that okay?’

Isla nods, swallows thick and closes her eyes for a second. Niall waits. He’ll wait as long as she needs him to. 

When she does open her eyes, it’s like she was never upset in the first place. ‘You thought of me while you were fucking someone else?’ she asks, bringing her drink up to her mouth, wrapping her lips around the straw. It’s amazing, how quickly Niall feels a rush of heat through his body.

‘Every single time,’ he tells her honestly. ‘Listen, I’m gonna go find Bas and get McAnderson kicked out of here. But after that, I think I made you a promise earlier today that I’d like to keep?’

####

taglist: @stylishmuser @thicksniall @stayclose-holdsteady @niallhoranruinsme @ajayque @flickerswinehouse @1dfangirls35 @crocodileniall @halfpinthoran @awomanindeniall @booksncoffee @edgeofmyniall @kare38 @emmathefantomes @coconutdawn @irish-nlessing @niallspeachybum @perksmikey 

join the taglist here

[lampmeeting]

what are your headcanons for magnus's backstory? i really enjoy picking apart underdeveloped villains to see what makes them tick and building up backstory that Explains why they do the shit they do and... you seem to also have many thoughts about magnus

ohhh!! yes i have thoughts! :D i still haven’t delved super in-depth into his past but here’s some VERY LONG messy, rambly stuff that’s like partially ideas i’ve had already and partially things i’m pulling right out of my ass (seriously this is long i’m sorry haha)

first big thing is that his dad was a really loving, warm person. just a big tall friendly dude, kind of a free spirit, also a veteran (fought in korea maybe? i think that timing would work out if magnus was born in the early 60s). he died in a motorcycle accident when magnus was like 9 or 10. maybe magnus was on the bike with him but survived, not sure how sad i wanna go here. his mom, who had always struggled with depression, fell into a really dark period and magnus tried to be there for her but he was just a grieving little kid. :( 

he has an older half-sister from his dad’s first marriage, and she was about 17 when he died and then left the family because she couldn’t deal with it (i don’t think magnus really reconnects with her in any significant way until after dethklok kicks him out).

i’m lifting this straight from marc maron but he’s jewish since his mother was jewish. his mom wasn’t religious though (at least when he was younger). about a year or so after his dad’s passing, though, his mom meets a man through her job and ultimately marries him. magnus’ step-dad is just...awful. very strict catholic. very controlling of his mom. the guy has magnus baptized shortly after the marriage. magnus goes through a really intense satanism phase in his teens as a way to rebel (this is also when he gets into metal - it’s the mid-70s so alice cooper and black sabbath are his faves). even as an adult magnus has a weird, complicated relationship with religion. he’d call himself an atheist but he has periods when he’s more of a misotheist and then other periods where he’s, like, afraid of god. it’s all very complicated.

after high school he decides to enlist in the army just like his dad did. he has no fucking idea what to do with himself so he thinks if it worked for his dad, it’ll work for him. wrong haha, he hates it. he picked up smoking and drinking in his teens, but the army amps those vices up to 11 and he starts experimenting with drugs too, mostly acid. surprise surprise, he gets in trouble for buying shit off-base from an undercover cop, and he’s dishonorably discharged. :O

his step-dad doesn’t allow him to come live back home after that, and his mom just defers to him now, so magnus spends a while living out of his truck. it’s a bleak time. he’s in his early 20s. all he’s got is his car and his guitar and a few other possessions. starts busking. for him, it’s humiliating work. spends most of his money on cigarettes and alcohol. somehow he ends up gigging at a local dive bar and gets a job washing dishes in the back. over the next few years he’s in and out of various bands, but he never really saves enough money to get a place. it’s kind of his weird secret, that he’s still living in the truck. he has a few relationships with various people, some bandmates, some fans, one coworker. they only ever last a couple months or so until they get too close and magnus starts itching to be by himself again, even though he’s miserable alone. but that’s preferable to having someone in his space all the time, knowing his business.

it’s during this time, too, that he picks up his heroin habit from a bandmate (that’s why the band dissolved, they all got addicted) but he tells himself he’s got it under control (the mental gymnastics with this man...). eventually he decides he’s done with bands, he’s just gonna play solo since he’s obviously more talented than anyone he could possibly play with. makes a pretty good name for himself, plays some local events, has a few solo albums that do all right, but no mainstream attention or anything.

it’s pickles who reaches out to him when magnus is in his early 30s (it’s like 1994 or something). wants to know if he’s at all interested in going back to his metal roots because they just had to get rid of their previous lead guitarist due to heroin addiction. magnus admits he’s interested, comes to a practice session. the guys are all phenomenal, and magnus sees some serious dollar signs. dethklok starts getting huge pretty quickly after that. they ditch their older manager at magnus’ insistence that he’s holding them back, and pickles knows a guy and gets him on board (hello charlie!). they all buy into a huge apartment so they can live and practice in the same place. there’s talk of a recording contract. everything’s looking up, even if they’re all starting to bicker behind the scenes.

it’s around this time that magnus hears from his step-dad that his mother died. a month ago. it was a lovely funeral, but he didn’t want magnus there due to his history with drugs, didn’t want him to make a scene and “act crazy”. after that magnus begins to slip. his addiction and depression spiral. he’s blowing up at people left and right, feels out of control. the only thing he thinks he can control is the band, and his grip tightens hard. he butts heads with pickles quite a bit, who definitely suspects something bad is up with him. magnus fears there’s talk of getting rid of him, and his paranoia makes him try to assert even more control.

finally we reach That Night. we know what goes down. magnus finds himself kicked out with his gear, homeless again, face busted. he gets in his truck, shoots up, goes for a drive for a while, feels good. when he comes down, though, he’s furious and his face fucking hurts and he wants to fucking kill something. he drives back to the apartment, finding everyone either out or asleep. he makes a move for nathan’s bedroom door, intent on finishing the job, but he doesn’t. and then he just gets pissed off at himself, wrecks up the place, and drives away again. he keeps telling himself he should just drive off the road and end it, but he doesn’t, and when he crosses state lines into new mexico he realizes he’s been driving to his half-sister’s house this whole time. they’d talked occasionally over the years but not much, but the moment he knocks on her door she takes him in with no questions asked. he doesn’t want any doctors so she just tends to his face as best she can, and when he starts to detox she looks after him. his sister makes her living as a reiki healer and is super into crystals and meditation and stuff, so while he’s living with her she tries to help him get his energies all aligned and whatnot hahaha... she’s also a recovered addict so no alcohol or drugs in the house. it’s a really weird time for magnus, but it’s good too. he probably ends up living with her for a few years, just keeping a low profile, playing guitar, trying to heal from shit.

dethklok gets huge very, very quickly. he tries not to pay attention but soon enough he’s seeing billboards for their album and tour, interviews on TV, magazine covers. a documentary comes out on MTV about the history of the band, and there’s a whole section about magnus with photos of him and people talking about how angry and controlling he was. they interview the band, people he played with in the past, old flames. his sister says she was approached for it, but she declined to comment. magnus is distraught, and almost overnight every time he goes into town for anything someone recognizes him and gives him shit (or worse, recognizes him and wants him to tell them all about dethklok). he gets things thrown at him, gets his tires slashed, gets approached for sex but only because of his connection to the band. dethklok fans at this point are getting even more zealous.

he has a really bad night and considers just shaving his head and beard so he won’t be recognized, but he can’t bring himself to do it. he starts drinking again, hiding it from his sister, and eventually just leaves in the middle of the night without a word. calls her in the morning when he reaches a stopping place, apologizes, confesses he’s off the wagon. she wires him some money, a pretty significant amount, and tells him to get an apartment and take care of himself. magnus, surprisingly, does just that. he feels it’s the least he can do to repay her kindness.

he still drinks, but i don’t think he gets back into drugs until he starts doing the rock camp thing years later. being around those old washed-up musicians and being “ex-dethklok guitarist magnus hammersmith” makes him feel like shit, even if the money is good, and most of these dudes are still using. heroin’s not chic anymore, though, it’s all about pills.

the assassin knows exactly what he’s doing when he shows himself to magnus on the anniversary of his mother’s death. offers him a chance to take his life back, to help change the world, to make sure dethklok gets what’s coming to them once and for all. magnus had all but given up hope on ever escaping from their shadow, but this...the assassin makes some sense, so in the middle of the night he agrees, and in the morning he finds an address scrawled on the wall in blood. and the rest is history i suppose. :’)

[i-think-i-luv-ya]

Breath of Love: Last Piece Overview

I FINALLY GOT MY GOT7 ALBUM!! I am beyond excited especially since I only bought one and got the Mark version (my ult bias 😍😍)!!! So yeah overall I’m very happy with the album although there are a few things that bother me or I’m just not happy with at all... and when I say this I mean the physical album because the music on this album is just incredible (I’ll give my opinions about that too here in a sec)

So first here is a little video I made showing the Mark photo book (it was a bitch trying to reduce the file size and upload this gosh I hate tumblr restrictions) but ANYWHO LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS MAN IS!!! (and also the song is Pillows by eaJ x Keshi because that songs is amazing and tell me it does not go well looking at this gorgeous human)

And here is some of the other stuff:

These adorable photo cards:

The poster (could not get a good pic cuz I’m a crappy photographer but you get the idea):

All of this:

Complaints:

There aren’t a ton of complaints I have with this album. Overall the photos are really great and the content is nice (was concerned with the member versions I wouldn’t get much of the other members but was very surprised with the bigger photo cards of all the members). One of the major problems I had was that some of the photos are cut off!! Especially with this one:

I can’t even see JB without pulling the book apart and ruining the spine... like if I were to tear this apart and hang it on my wall it would be ok but I do not want to do that! Idk it could have been planned better to where it wasn’t this extreme...

Another thing is there’s so much white space! Like some yes it is nice not to have clutter or anything but it just seems like half the book is blank... like looking at the song pages it had barely anything on there... like I guess I could put English versions of the lyrics in that space (I saw someone on Twitter had that idea) but I don’t know.. was just a little too much blank space for me...

Also the CD itself is just... there... in its own flimsy plastic package it’s ridiculous like it would be nice if they found a way to include it somehow (like my Day6 album is a book with the CD on the inside back cover, or even the Taemin album that has its own slip that slides into the album as a whole..) I get that people probably aren’t gonna use the CD (I mean I may download it or have it in my car) but come on... look at this:

And another thing which you can’t really see (and omg I have the keychain upside down my bad) is that my keychain is super foggy and scratched up... like it was a cute idea and I really like it but opening it to find it looked worn wasn’t great...

Anyway... onto the MUSIC! Here’s some of my thoughts on each of the songs:

Breath:

So happy and easy to listen to. Was hoping for more Lullaby or Just Right vibes with this comeback and this felt so much like that. And the whistling? Omg that made the song! Youngjae did such a great job. And blonde Jackson?! OMG (Not that they did not all look incredible)

Last Piece:

With this being JB's song no doubt it's amazing even before you hear it. The choreo is also really cool! My fave part may be Mark saying "so where you at" lol that verse was great...and honestly same but Jinyoung's part after wow them high notes he has in this album I’m loving it! I like the solo dances the transitions are really cool and ties it to the Breath video (Along with some of the lyrics). Regardless though great song!

Born Ready:

I love how this was supposed to be a solo song for Mark but he thought it would be better as a group project and I agree (even though the Mark stan in me is crying but love how he is still the focus of the song). Anyway, this is such a feel good song definitely gives me motivation listening to it.

Special:

Jackson really knows what he's doing... I mean would have to to be the first Chinese soloist to make it big in the US charts!!! (still so proud of him) Also love how so much of this is in English... as an international fan its a struggle. But yeah this song is amazing and fun, easily one of my favorites.

Wave:

I truly love this song... Jinyoung did such a great job...and Mark starting the song really was perfect (hopefully unbiased opinion). But this song is so sad and the lyrics so beautiful...this may be my favorite song on the album but its so hard to choose.

Waiting for You:

Bam did such a great job with this too... all of his music is great but was surprised he wrote something really deep and slowed down (like not a party song). Just shows you how many parts there are of him we don't know much about (even though we all know he is such a softie despite being sarcastic af). But this song is so nice to listen to...from the vocals to the instrumentals...amazing...

Thank you, sorry:

Yugyeom has a very distinctive style...it's not hard to point out his music. But that style really works for him! It's always nice and slow, relaxing, but still something you can dance to. It's really interesting hearing the members embrace this style...and they nailed it.

1+1:

I like how this song really ties into the title tracks with some of the lyrics... "puzzle piece, our love that fits perfectly".  It's also just so nice to listen to, they did a great job with this one.

I Mean It:

THE HARMONIES at the beginning!! OMG!! I absolutely love this song...it's so fun and creative and super sweet... such a perfect love song that feels new and not like something done a million times.

We Are Young:

This song sounds like a modern version of something they could've made years ago...it's got that old GOT7 feeling with a fresh sound...it's also super adorable and the chorus is so catchy. And Jinyoung's falsetto?? AHHH I have no words...like that was perfection.

I really love this album and it’s really special to me since this is the first kpop album I’ve purchased (used ktown4u had no issues and even came a day earlier than it said)! It gave me so much joy looking through everything while streaming their album... well worth the money spent!!!

I also bought Day6 The Book Of Us: The Demon and Taemin Never Gonna Dance Again: Act 1 so stay tuned if you wanna see those albums as wel!!

And if someone wants a more close up pic just lmk!!!

Thanks for reading of you made it this far! Love doing stuff like this!!

[lokisasylum]

Map of the Soul: 7 Album - First listen review

[I won’t bother reviewing the ones from PERSONA that were added, since I already did a post for Persona when it came out. Only the new songs]

#1. Interlude: SHADOW

WOW.... just when you thought the first version hit hard/differently. The extended version comes in to choke-slam you against the wall.

#2.  Black Swan

Our new Royal to take a spot in the throne of power along with Blood Sweat & Tears, Spring Day, Fake Love, and Outro: TEAR.

Do we even need to add more additional to what we’ve been saying since its release? As an artist, the lyrics still pull at my heart strings the same way they did the first time I heard it. Especially the verse that says:

‘If this can no longer resonate No longer make my heart vibrate Then like this may be how I die my first death But what if that moment’s right now Right now .’

This verse can be applied to ANY time we loose faith in ourselves or have to give up on a dream/passion and how that separation slowly kills us inside.

#3. Filter (Jimin’s solo)

....Not gonna lie, this song gives me TRUST ISSUES just because its Jimin LOL!

‘Cause I remember seeing & hearing Serendipity for the first time and it was such a lovely melody and the lyrics were so soothing like a lullaby expressing Love in its purest form.

But then you see the choreo and it all went Magic Mike SO FAST X”D.

Because on one hand the lyrics (at first glance) can be interpreted as Jimin seeing himself through Army’s eyes. How WE see his “Duality” - cute/adorable/lovely one minute and then sensual/tantalizing the next.

That boring expression of yours, boring feet Please look at me now Put down your phone, don’t even think about turning your head Let me know your type You can choose and use me yeah

Oh I cover your eyes with my hand Oh go towards the secret I’ll take you to a brand new world Yeah open your closed eyes now go!

Mix the colors of the palette, pick your filter Which me do you want? The one who’s going to change your world, I’m your filter Cover it over your heart

(Ok) How is it, do you feel it a bit? Is it still not enough? (Yes) Girl you have your chance I can be your Genie How ’bout Aladdin? I’ll become anything [for you] You can choose and use me yeah

That first part really does sound like how he would accommodating his “Persona” to make us happy.  And every-time something he does isn’t enough he changes again. 

Of course this doesn’t have to mean what he’s doing in the present, “Filter” could be just like “Lie” which spoke of his past-self and how he used to blame himself for the group’s failures. So maybe he’s expressing how’s he’s had to change himself throughout the years to please the fans as long as they understood and accepted who HE REALLY IS beyond the Idol persona.

Or y’know, this is just a very sexy number he wanted to try and shy away from his comfort zone XD. And I’ll bet all my money that the choreo’s gonna be SEXY AF and WE AIN’T READY FOR IT.

P.S. that moment when the music stops and he goes: “OKAY.” WITH HIS SEXY DEEP AF VOICE, JESUS!!!!

#4. My Time (Jungkook’s solo)

Kook’s solo not only reminded me heavily of “Begin”, but it also sounds like what “Decalcomania” should’ve been if he had released the full version.

He’s seeing himself not as an Idol, but not quite as Jeon Jeongguk either.

Like he’s just standing in the middle watching his two selves, his two Personas and trying to find which one is his. Which reality he is living in--or should be living in. Which part of his life belongs to his “normal/non Idol self” and which one is part of the mask/Idol self he puts up for the fans.

And yes, you know, yes. you know Oh I can’t call ya, I can’t touch ya Oh I can’t Let me know Can I someday find my time? Finna find my time Someday finna find my time 

This verse sounds like he’s still experiencing that loneliness that all artists experience during stardom very often (Note on how in Shadow Yoongi is the one who says: “Nobody ever told me how lonely it is up here.” ). Like how he sometimes wishes he could tell someone, but can’t?

#5. Louder than bombs

All rise for our National Anthem!

If Shadow hit hard while choke slamming you. Then this song is the overkill.

The vocals are insane, and the lyrics mixed with the music tell one story through two points of view. Actor in the spotlight and Actor as a Spectator.

This is BTS telling us how people view them and having to keep their emotions in check in the face of criticism from general audience and even antis, versus how they truly feel inside and behind close doors.

Break, unwind, let it out, breathe out, stand up, pray for better days and keep moving.

#6. ON

THIS👏SONG👏FUCKING👏SLAPS👏PERIOD👏!

The energy, the rap line, the vocal line, the CRAZY FOOTWORK AND INSANE CHOREO.

THE JIKOOK NIP-SLIPS

THE BODY ROLLS

THE TATTOOS---

THE SUBTLE “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

I LOVED IT and it gave me such a strong throwback to NOT TODAY.

#7. UGH!

This is CYPHER_pt3 Killer, CYPHER pt. 4, TEAR & DDAENG’s lovechild.

This song is the Rap Line going like: “THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WANTED TO TRY ME (AGAIN) AND IMMA GIVE THESE BITCHES A CYPHER.

BITCHES LOVE CYPHERS.”

#8. 00.00 (Zero o’ Clock)

When I saw that we were having another Vocal Line unit song the first thing I kept praying for was: “PLEASE don’t let this be another Truth Untold...”

Because I absolutely HATED the hypocrisy that came out of this fandom ESPECIALLY the toxic Solo Stans who did nothing but hype up their faves while shitting on other members (I will never forgive those who went so far as to defame and even act as if Jimin wasn’t part of the Vocal Line, ya’ll are still trash for that).

But I gotta say Zero o’ Clock was totally something I can see them enjoying while performing. Despite, of course, the song talking about hardships and finding a new way to be happy throughout the tough times even when you don’t feel like smiling.

I liked it, the vibes are a bit like “2,3″ and “Magic Shop”. A song for HEALING.

#9. Friends (VMIN sub-unit)

VMIN

SOULMATES FOREVER.

I also LOVED that they added the voice messages Jimin & Tae used to leave each other since their recording schedules were different and they didn’t see each other. That was such a nice touch. T_T

That little “Hello my Alien” .... that made me emotional. I kept imagining those mischievous kids running around playing pranks on the other members, like that one time they made Hobi fall off the chair and got chased by him XD ...*SOBS*

#10. Inner Child (Taehyung’s solo)

All the time I kept listening to this song I kept imagining Taehyung sitting in a park next to his Younger Self, like the way a father sits with their youngest son and talks to them about life. What to expect, what will change and how to go about these changes.

Really heartfelt song.

#11. Moon (Jin’s solo)

Just like Tae’s song, “Moon” makes me thinking of all those moments when Jin kept doing his “Heart Event” where he kept pulling out hearts out of nowhere. Each time more clever than the first, just to show ARMY how much he loves us.

I wonder all of a sudden, do you really know yourself? Do you know how pretty you are? I will orbit you I will stay by your side I will become your light All for you 

This part in particular makes me think of Jin up on stage staring at a stadium full of bright little stars that are in reality Army Bombs.

#12. Respect (Namgi Unit-song)

Fave verse from this song is:

“Re-spect”, it’s literally looking again and again Looking again and again and you’ll see faults But despite of that you still want to look

And the fact that you have two members of different ages (Hyung/Donsaeng), in a sort of conversation that goes back and forth between what the real meaning of “RESPECT” is and how people throw the word around, even those who speak ill of others behind their backs.

And were they talking in Satoori in the end??? That was nice XD

#13. We are Bulletproof: the Eternal

Throw stones at me We don’t fear anymore We are we are together bulletproof (Yeah we have you have you) Even if winter comes again Even if I’m blocked off, I will still walk We are we are forever bulletproof (Yeah we got to heaven)

#14. Outro: EGO (Jhope’s Solo)

EGO is Jhope and Jhope is EGO in all it’s glory.

Like “Just Dance” i like the contrast how in EGO he’s doing a back-track to his younger self, how he used to dance to prove something TO OTHERS, where as now that he’s older he just accepts that everything that happened is just part of life. So he’s a happier now doing what he loves BECAUSE he loves to dance.

#15. ON (feat. Sia)

....WHY?

Like... I don’t wanna be THAT BITCH and drag nobody, but like... was this really necessary?

I mean atleast Nicki Minage and Halsey had their own parts that they owned like the bad bitches that they are.

But like...

Yeah, Imma stop right here.

[bangtan-madi]

546 Days Without You — Six: Day 73

Pairing — Seokjin x Reader, also get bonus platonic!Jimin x Reader and platonic!Taehyung x Reader in this part

Tags — boyfriend!Seokjin, older brother!Yoongi, producer/songwriter!MC, military au (ish), idol au (ish)

Genre — fluff, angst

Word Count — 2.6k

Summary — Kim Seokjin is your entire world, and that world falls apart the moment he and your older brother Yoongi are conscripted into the South Korean military.

Part — 6 / 15

Warnings — None.

A/N — Taglist is open! Comment or submit an ask if you want to be added :) 

Previous — Next

“You know what would be really cool?” Jimin says aloud, half to himself and half to whoever might be within earshot of hearing his voice. Which is nothing out of the ordinary.

“What’s that?” you reply, shifting your headphones off your head for the first time in over an hour. 

Behind the glass, you hear Jungkook going through his warm-ups. Another day, another recording session. This particular afternoon is for the Busan boys, and you were happy to have them in such good spirits. You knew that you were going to have some long months ahead, preparing for the new album, but now that the songs had all been written and pre-produced, now it was time to actually get in the booth and sing their hearts out.

Today’s just a run-through of the solos, as well as Jimin and Jungkook’s sub-unit duet. They were over the moon about the selection and begged you to be there to give them pointers. While the youngest warmed up for his solo, you’d settled in behind the glass with Seokjin’s song playing over and over in your ears. Even while reading music sheets, you loved hearing his voice. It gave you the placebo effect of him still being there, which was a welcome feeling after seventy-three days in the military. There hasn’t been a single album before Map of the Soul: Dream for which Seokjin or Yoongi haven’t been in the recording studio. It’s a strange situation for everyone, but between having another Min and some pre-recorded segments from the missing boys, everyone is managing their emotions satisfactorily.

The blond spins his chair around, his head lulling against the cushion with a grin plastered on his face. At this moment, curled up in the seat as the room twirls around him, he looks more like a five-year-old than a twenty-five-year-old.

“Nah, it’s not worth saying. You’ll never go for it.”

Tossing your headphones onto the table, you reach out and stop Jimin’s actions with the edge of your foot. He jolts to the side, giving you a small glare at the intervention.

“Park Jimin, you’d better start talking or else.”

Your best friend arches a playful eyebrow. “Or else what, Min [Y/n]?”

Narrowing your eyes at him in a way that mimics your older brother, you grab the younger boy’s right forefinger and twist it back, moving it in an unnatural way. It’s not enough to actually hurt him, just enough to get his attention.

Instantly, Jimin is contouring around your touch, trying to escape from your grasp. “Owowow! What the hell, Min!”

Having got his attention, you loosen your grip, even if only a little bit. You lean closer and look him directly in the eye. “Spill, Park—”

“—All right, all right! Aish, you’re persistent!”

You drop your grip and allow Jimin to slip his finger from your hold. As he glares daggers in your direction, you slump back into your chair with a pleased expression.

“Where did you learn to be so evil?” the younger member mutters under his breath, adding a hint of babying to his voice. “Crazy lady.”

Choosing to ignore the comment, you wave your hand. “Go on.”

Jimin rolls his eyes and gestures to the tablet behind you, laying on the desk. “I was just going to say…wouldn’t it be cool if you recorded something of yours? Something you wrote, lyrics and melody and everything?”

“For what?” you laugh, finding the idea hilarious. “Shits and giggles?”

He shakes his head, wicked and beautiful grin returning. “For the album!”

You roll your eyes and turn back to the work station. “Sure, I’m the crazy one.”

“Why is that so crazy?” Jimin asks, pushing his chair so it rolls over to the desk beside yours. He rests an elbow against the surface so he can look straight at you. “Tell me.”

“Because no one wants to hear my voice, Chim. Let alone on BTS’ album. People only know me ‘cause I’m the great Suga’s little sister.”

“I’ve heard your voice! It’s pretty, and you’ve learned how to rap, too. I’ve heard you practicing Yoongi’s work with him before it’s recorded. You’re every bit as good as he is. You’re like Jungkook, or Hobi, or Namjoon, or your brother. You’re a triple-threat: you can write, you can sing, and you can rap.”

Shaking your head, you shove the blond’s chair, causing the piece of furniture to shoot to the other side of the room. “You’ve got some praise kink, Jimin. I hope you’re not trying to flirt with me.”

Despite being pushed back, Jimin scoots over once more and continues, “That’s not what this is and you know it. I’m serious! I know you have your own melodies and lyrics you’ve written. Yoongi’s always talking about how proud he is of your work, and it used to get under Seokjin’s skin so much because you never shared with him. And if I’m honest, as your best friend, I’d like in on the fun, too!”

You shrug your shoulders nonchalantly. “It’s personal for me. What I create is very close to my heart.”

“And what we create isn’t?” Jimin pauses for a second. “Look, I’m not trying to convince you to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re one of my best friends. I wouldn’t do that. But there’s a big difference between wanting to keep your work private because you want it to be yours alone and being too scared to share.”

Something he says resonates with you on a deeper level, and you’re forced to consider both options. Are you just a private person, or are you scared? Does the weight of what people might think weigh you down, the idea that Min Yoongi's—the legendary Agust D and BTS’ Suga—own sister isn’t half as good as he is?

Maybe…

“Believe me, I know what the latter is like,” Jimin murmurs. “It’s a big reason I never shared a lot of what I wrote and let Yoongi and Namjoon do most of the lyrical work. With 'Friends,’ I finally broke out of my shell. And who sat me down and gave me a big 'you should do this for yourself’ talk?”

A smile tugs at the corner of your lips. “That would be me, the obnoxious friend.”

He reaches for your hand. “I needed that then, and so I’m returning the favor because I believe you need that same advice now. You’ve been holding all this creative energy inside, and it’s only grown in the past few months as an outlet of healing. But you refuse to show anyone. I know low self-confidence when I see it.”

“I don’t have low self-confidence, Jimin.”

“Maybe not in most areas,” he agrees. “When it comes to sharing your own lyrics and melodies with the world? You do. You always shy away from it. You won’t even share it with Seokjin or me or the rest of us. Do you really think that we would ever judge you?”

“No,” you sigh in agreement.

Jimin sees he’s getting through, so he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. “So…to quote your own words back at you, do this for yourself, [Y/n]. If not for anyone else, do it for you. You don’t have to share it with the world, or the company, or us at first. But one of these days, get in that booth and record something spectacular. Then, one day, show someone what you can really do.”

You reach over and run your fingers over Jimin’s hair, messing with the shorter strands at the back of his neck. “This is why you’re my best friend, Chim. You always know just what to say.”

Jimin’s cheeks turn a light shade of pink, and he pulls you closer so he can wrap you in a tight hug. The Busan-native has always been physically affectionate, and it’s one of your favorite things about him. His touch is eternally warm and reassuring. Even in the darkest days, Jimin is a light you know you can walk towards.

Seokjin might be your sun—the object of warmth that you revolve around. Yoongi might be your moon—the emotional stronghold of a satellite that’s always been there. But Jimin is your stars—all the twinkling lights that give you grace in the night.

Your best friend lets you go, and you settle back into your producer’s chair as Jungkook slips his headphones over his ears, ready to begin the practice session.

“Let’s take this nice and easy first round, okay?” you say through the microphone. 

Jungkook gives you a smile and a thumbs-up. Jimin merely smirks and shakes his head.

“Have you ever known Jungkookie to go nice and easy on anything?”

“Oh, not at all, but it was worth a shot.”

Later in the day, after practice is finished and the Busan boys have wandered off to do whatever it is they wanted to do, you find yourself swinging by your oldest friend’s favorite burger joint. Taehyung had a hankering for this place ever since he first went there, but that was almost seven years ago. If you recall correctly, it was the place you both stopped on your way to Big Hit for the first time since he joined the group. You would have thought that the hunger for this hole-in-the-wall diner would have been sated by now, but you couldn’t be more wrong.

And that greasy, delectable burger is your secret weapon.

After grabbing take-away for you both, knowing his favorite order by heart, you scurry off to the dorms. Holding the paper bags in one hand, you hammer the other on his door. The jazz playing on the other side quiets, and the door opens moments later.

“On a scale of one to Winter Bear, how creative do you feel tonight?”

Taehyung cocks an eyebrow. “Are you implying that Winter Bear is the epitome of creative?” His eyes shift down to the bags in your grasp, eyes slightly widening as he spots the logo. “What’s that?”

You lift the bags and unceremoniously shake them in his face. “You wanna help me with something?”

His boxy grin appears, quickly turning sneaky as he grabs the bags and giggles. “You know just how to bribe me, [Y/n].”

Ruffling the taller man’s curly dark hair, you retort, “You’re not too hard to please, Tae.” Reaching for his free hand, you thread your fingers through his and tug him down the hall. “C'mon. I need your artistic expertise.”

After seeing you taking him towards Genius Lab, Taehyung asks, “Wait, why do you need my help? And on what, again?”

You press the code and usher him inside. Once seated on the sofa, Taehyung begins unpacking the meal. You take your usual perch in Yoongi’s studio chair and roll over towards Taehyung, scooping your burger from the coffee table and taking an enormous bite.

“I had a talk with Jimin today while we were waiting for Jungkook to warm up.”

Taehyung smirks and takes a bite out of his own, resting back against the sofa with his attention split between you and the meal. “Should I be scared to ask what about?”

With your free hand, you pull your notebook of melodies and toss it in Taehyung’s direction, feeling your heart rate quicken at the thought of someone else seeing your innermost creative work. Forcing those fears away, you nod towards it and encourage him to open it.

Your companion, sensing that this is something important to you by the way you stay silent, puts his burger down and gently picks up the notebook. With tender fingers, he flips from one page of drafted melodies to the next, seeing approximately a decades’s worth of what you consider your best work. 

For several minutes, the room is silent. He doesn’t touch his food, nor does he speak up. He merely observes the work on each page with wide and curious eyes. Taehyung isn’t one to keep his attention on anything for very long, especially when his favorite take-away is a foot in front of him. The thought gives you butterflies, and you can only hope his attention is focused on the good and not the bad.

“Are these the melodies you only show Yoongi?” he eventually asks, his voice deep and quiet.

You nod. “Until now. You’re the second person to see them, and I’m not sure even Yoongi has seen all of them.” Another beat of silence passes, and you start to squirm in your seat. “Well, what—what do you think?”

Taehyung laughs, shaking his head as he looks up at you for the first time since seeing your work. “I think you’ve been holding out on us.” He gestures to the pages. “I’ve never been the best at reading sheet music, but I can play all of these in my head and they sound beautiful. You have a talent, [Y/n]. Really, and you know I don’t say anything I don’t mean so don’t doubt it when I say these could all be songs in and of themselves.”

A heavy sigh of relief slips from your lips. “Oh, thank god. You were so quiet. I thought…” You shrug. “I don’t know.”

“And I’m honored to be the second person to see them, by the way.” He hands your notebook back to you, handling it like some sort of precious treasure. “What on earth did Jiminie say to make you change your mind after all these years?”

“You know Jimin,” you chuckle. “He’s got a silver tongue.” Taehyung scoffs in agreement. “But he didn’t tell me anything I didn’t need to hear. 'You love being creative, [Y/n]. It’s your outlet. Why don’t you combine your melodies and lyrics and record something for once?’”

The brunet’s head perks up. “Record? Like…you would sing?”

You make a noncommittal gesture with your hands. “I was considering it. I mean, I love to sing when I’m by myself. Sometimes I sing around Seokjin, and I’ve helped Yoongi practice his parts, both pre- and post-production. Jimin thinks I can rap and sing, and I’ve done both for a while…”

Taehyung’s boxy grin returns, even bigger than when he saw what food you’d brought him. “I think it’s a great idea! I’ve heard you sing in bits and pieces and always thought you had a pretty voice. How can I help?”

You tug a second notebook from the desk and hold it up. “These are newer. They’re my lyrics. I’ve…written a lot these past few months. It’s been a healing experience, but I’m struggling with putting lyrics to melodies. Your music gives me—and everyone—immense comfort, and they’re always blended seamlessly. I was hoping you could help me figure this out. It’s no fun doing all this alone all the time.”

The man from Daegu nods fervently. “No way I’d rather spend my evening.” He shoves the remaining bits of his burger into his mouth and makes grabby hands towards your notebooks. “We’re going to need a couple of plain sheets of music, a new notebook, all the colored pens you can find, and a bottle of wine. You get the first three, and I’ll get the last. Do you prefer red or white?”

You shake your head as Taehyung bounces excitedly off the sofa and towards the door. “You’re going to pick red no matter what I say, aren’t you?”

He doesn’t stop moving as he shouts over his shoulder, “Absolutely!”

Taglist — @joyful-jimin, @gracehiii​, @live-2-fangirl​

[not-ur-normie]

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+ Diavolo)

Hey there! This is my very first headcanon thingy, so i would like to apologise for my bad english, its not my mother language. Also, it was so long ago when i last wrote anything similar in english, so once again, sorry. 

Anyway, i really wanted to write it, so let me know if you like it! + If you want general group headcanons with them as a kpop group, pls let me know it as well! (Or a similar one with Simeon, Luke and Solomon, hehe) Love! 

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+Diavolo)

DIAVOLO - The CEO of the company - It was the main goal in all his life to see Lucifer shining on stage - Okay, not, actually he only knows Lucifer since a shitty survival program - I mean, Lucifer is already hiper super extra giga mega beautiful in his eyes, but! Lucifer! on! stage! is the main Lucifer - So he maid a company for him - Lucifer was like 'wtf dID U DO' (okay, he didnt say it in this way, but-) - He is an understanding boss - Doesnt plan to debut any other group, so his company wont suck lol - Has all the money only for the bois - Altho he is really kind and understanding, he expects the guys to work extra hard do achive success - Sometimes goes to variety shows with his group and acting like a proud dad around them - Fans say that he is the 8th member of the group - Has his own fansites - Sometimes does modelling (has a duo photoshoot with Lucifer which he is extra proud of and some of its pieces are on his wall in a big canvas) - Fans ship him with Lucifer (not suprising) - He bought two houses next to each other. One is his and the other is the guys'. - Has a cameo in one of the mvs of the group - Does acting, has a lots of main roles - He is POPULAR

LUCIFER - Leader of the group - Also dad of the group (i mean if you dont count Diavolo) - He and the others participated in a survival program, but didnt make it - Got kicked out of their prev company - Thats when Diavolo became a fan of him and decided on founding one for him - Lucifer only agreed on joining if his teammeat could go too - Most popular in the group - Does everything Diavolo asks him to do - Makes the guys practicing till morning - Barely sleeps - Also does acting - Really bad at doing fanservice - Extremely caring towards fans - Always makes sure that the fans are doing okay, writes short messages on fancafe, uploads pictures (never about himself) on ig and twitter and reminds fans to take care of themselfs - Staying up super late to read fancafe letters from fans - Gives special attention to communicate with fans - However... He shamlessly blocks fans who upload meme pics about him or hurt his pride - HE IS SERIOUS - Thanks to this, fans never EVER mock him - Has a solo album - Won against his own group once in a music show (Levi said how it was not fair and Satan was pissed) - Never dyed his hair and never will - According to some poll, he is one of the most handsome men in kpop - He hates fanwars and when there is one, he tells the fans to stop  - He also hates rumors

MAMMON - He wanted to became a worldwide idol so he can get more money - Actually he was really bad at everything when he joined that survival program - Fans started to love him bc of his hard work (((for the money))) - Always forgets their own choreography - The whole fandom jokes about how stupid he is - He is always truly offended and scolds the fans on vlive - Fans make memes out of him and love dissing him - Fans think he is super cute and he is loveing it - LOVES fansigns but always blushes if he needs to hold hands with fans - Tries to act tough anyway - Cries in every. fkin. concert. (giving birth to new memes lol) - Once made a "joke" about how fans should donate him money instead of giving presents and it became a HUGE scandal, Lucifer and Diavolo deadass wanted to kick him out of the group - Does vlive a lot bc he loves talking about everything: how he bought a new car, new shoes, how he wanted to prank Lucifer with Satan and how they failed blah blah and so on - He is that member with zero lines, but has fair screentime - Modelling and super popular - Tried acting bc "he is too good at everything" but failed (he is not too good, but too shy lol) - The loudest member - Variety shows love him thanks to his idiotism - He says he is the "cutie sexy" member of the team - Once a fan started crying in front of him at a fansign out of happiness and Mammon was so touched he started crying as well

LEVIATHAN - His nickname is Leviachan for a reason - Fans know how much of an otaku he is so they always buy him anime related stuff and LEVI IS TRULY HAPPY ALL THE TIME - He even post about his presents at twitter and ig - Does gameplay vlives - Also has a youtube channel where he uploads every kind of videos: gameplays, gameplays, anime reviews, manga recommendations, gameplays, videos about his Ruri-chan collection, gamplays... and more gameplays - Uploaded a video where he and Mammon tried to snake into Lucifer's room to film him while he is asleep, but got caught and Lucifer started to shout at them - He needed to deletet it bc Lucifer wanted to kill him for publishing it - Fans didnt reupload out of fear from Lucifer - Shy at fansigns but compfy with old fans and fansites - Doing cosplay - At the begining he was reather shy on stage, but since he got used to it... aegyo all the way - Loves when they promote in Japan - In variety shows when the mcs ask him about his hobbies he always ends up talking too much, so to others need to stop him - According to fans, he has e-boy vibes - He is the one who posts everything thats happening with them on twitter, so the fans really ALWAYS know whats up whit the guys - Once accidentally tweeted out their hotel room numbers and fans found them (Lucifer was hella angry)

SATAN - Mom of the group, even if he hates it - Like if Lucifer is the dad, no way that he is the mom - Also prince of the group - Has good vocals but can rap too - Writes lyrics - Started acting bc he was sure he is better than Lucifer - Won an award for his main role in a detective series - Has a whole collection of books bought by fans - Gets angry easily which is the reason why fans often mock and make memes about him - Reads the messages fans send him and replies; sometimes its only a heart, sometims its advice or kind words - Came up with the groups greeting - According to the other members fansites, he is so handsome that its hard to not take pictures of him - Thanks to this, all the others fansites have at least two posts about him - Fans going insane when he starts smiling - Plays the guitar - Multilanguage king - Cant do fanservice - Literally hates fanservice - Once in Weekly Idol, him and Lucifer needed to hold hands and say nice things to each other after the others told the mcs how awkward their relationship is - That was the worst moment in his entire life - Wanna do a solo album, but didnt have the chance yet (Diavolo promisd him tho) - He has th best fashion sense after Asmo - Has a cat in the dorm and the fans love it like its their own - He has a great memory, so he remembers the names of the fans who attended their fansigns at least two times 

ASMODEUS - Main vocal of the group - Self claimed visual of the group - He posts the most, almost everyday - Loves doing make up - The most fashionable member - A big ass diva - Went to king of masked singer but didnt win it - Has a solo album - He loVES FANSERVICE, HE LIVES FOR IT - With members, with fans, it doesnt really matter - The best at fansigns, he is so direct - Hold hands with fans, gives hugs, let them touch him - On the groups YouTube channel, he has this special segment called "Asmo cam" - He shows whats happening in backstage during promotions - Designed their debut album's look - Also designed the lightstick - Complains to the stylists if he dislikes an outfit - MCing - Reads the fanfictions fans write about the group and teases the members with it - Doing shower vlives, where there is only voice, so the fans can hear him singing in the shower (he also brags about how beautiful he is and how unlucky his fans not seeing the full beauty of his body) - If a fan post about him saying dirty things, he will reply with even more dirtyer stuff - Most of his fans are hard stans

BEELZEBUB - Maybe i am headcanoning it wrong, but for me Beelzebub is a rapper - The only reason he is not part of the aegyo line bc he never does aegyo but naturally cute enough for fans to cry over his cuteness - He is so sad that fans mustnt give him food in fansigns, but Diavolo is against it out of fear of some antifan trying to poison them - Mukbang videos - Mukbang shows love and hate him at the same time - Eating everywhere and everytime - He even eats at the middle of concerts - Fans have a bunch of memes about him - According to fans, he is like a big puppy who must be protected by all costs - All cool and serious on stage, all cuddly and cutie off stage - Main dancer of the group, always helps with the choreographys - Has an own restaurant, where fans can buy his fav foods... And there is a lot of that - One of the sweetest bubs in fansigns, he is easygoing and thanks to this its not hard to talk to him - Fans dieing to see him take off his shirt, but it havent happend yet - In one of his birthday lives Mammon dropped his cake out of accident and HE WAS SUPER SAD - Most of his social media post are about food. What he ate, whats he wanna eating, what he recommends eating, notes to fans to dont forget to eat - Fans never tell him to dont forget to eat, bc they know he wouldnt - Fans ship him with Asmo and Belphie - Loves tours bc he can eat a lot of delicious food around the world

BELPHEGOR - Devil maknae - Makes fun of his hyungs, but loves them endlessly - Sleeps in backstage all the time; while his make up is done, while his hair is done, why waiting for rehearsal - Lucifer has the hardest time with him if it comes to practice - I mean, Belphie deadass can fall asleep the middle of some choreo - Didnt love doing agyeo, but fans are over the moon if he does, so he is doing it often - He doesnt have a fixed role in the group, sometimes he sings and sometimes he raps - One of the best dancers, but he is too lazy to show his full potential - He often falls asleep while doing vlives - Once in an ig live he told the fans that it doesnt bother him that they have haters, bc he hates the haters as well - He barely posts on social media; if there are pictures about him, they are mostly from the other members (especially from Beel) - He has a super big pillow he got from a fan to his birthday when he was still a trainee and this is his favourite pillow - He is the one with zero solo activity, bc if he has free time he reather sleeps than going to shoot something

Feel free to add anything that comes into your mind!

[elceeu2morrow]

NEW DIRECTION Louis Tomlinson on why he’s not ready to make up with Zayn Malik and how fatherhood made him grow-up fast

Beth Neil  2 Feb 2020, 0:01  Updated: 2 Feb 2020, 3:06

Back then he didn’t appear to be a natural frontman. He wasn’t one to hog the spotlight, nor did he seem remotely interested in competing with the magnetism of Harry or the vocal range of Zayn.

“There were times I struggled to find my place in the band,” Louis admits today.

But it’s often the quiet ones you’ve got to look out for.

Behind the scenes he was very much centre stage: Louis was the mouthpiece, constantly fighting the boys’ corner and acting as chief negotiator between band and management.

“Being from Doncaster,” he says, “I’ve never had a problem with telling anyone ‘no’.”

On top of this (and perhaps most significantly), in the six years that the band were together after finishing third on The X Factor in 2010, Louis diligently racked up more songwriting credits than any of the others, hinting that a hard-working and ambitious young artist lurked beneath the surface.

Indeed, while he might be the last of the band to release a solo album (four years after they announced their hiatus, breaking several million hearts in the process), the result suggests that Louis, having held his nerve and bided his time, might just prove to be the dark horse.

“There was a while when I was worried I was getting left behind – some of the boys are on to their second album now,” he says, taking a draw onthe first of several cigarettes. “At times, I’ve been swimming against the tide, working out who I am. I was trying to find a way back into the industry, thinking of it mathematically rather than going off feeling and emotion.”

He’s referring to collaborations with Bebe Rexha and Steve Aoki in 2016 and 2017 respectively, which, although successful, weren’t where his heart lay. With Kill My Mind – the exhilarating ’90s-inspired opening track of the album Walls – he sets his stall out with a clear departure from anything he’s done before.

Walls is about regret, reflection and ultimately, hope, and feels like Louis, who sings in his still-broad Doncaster accent, has finally found his voice.

“I’ve always wanted to be autobiographical and honest. And in the last six months the songs I’ve written and recorded are of a better standard because there’s an honesty there,” he says.

Honesty certainly characterises the album, sometimes devastatingly so. There’s no escaping the fact that Louis, 28, has faced unimaginable pain over the last few years.

First losing his mum Johannah Deakin, known as Jay, in December 2016 to leukaemia, and then his sister Félicité, who died last year aged 18 following an accidental drug overdose.

The lyrics to Two Of Us, written about his mum, include intimate details about Louis’ experience with grief.

“It wasn’t until after I’d written it that I realised how much vulnerability I’d put in there,” he says. “When I first performed it… I had fans coming up to me in tears telling me their stories, and that’s not something I’ve ever had before. And to do it on that level about something so delicate… It was really cool to take something so dark and make people feel like that.

“I had to get a song like that off my chest. It was difficult writing about things that felt trivial compared to what was going on in my life. There was, I think, a necessity to write that song before I could move on creatively.”

Understandably, Louis won’t talk specifically about Félicité. But when asked about how grief has shaped him both as a man and an artist, he pays tribute to Jay.

“I think it’s a credit to how my mum brought me up that I have a resilience,” he says. “There’s nothing I want less than to have people feel sorry for me, so having that mentality has helped me through the hardest of times.

"I’ve also felt a real support system through my fans. I’d always felt it on a lower level, but when it’s something so impactful and life-defining, I really did feel it from them.”

Days after Jay’s death, Louis appeared live on The X Factor to perform Just Hold On with Aoki.

He was clearly in pieces and it was hard enough just watching, but somehow he held it together, presumably thanks again to that resilience.

“Sometimes it’s fight or flight,” Louis explains. “And the way I was brought up and because of where I’m from, I only see one option in that situation. I also wanted to put myself second and do it for my mum.

"That moment was bigger than me and it was actually incredibly liberating. It used every bit of strength and power and I look back on that performance as one of the proudest moments of my career.”

He says he tends not to suppress emotion and is able to share his darkest points with those he’s closest to.

But as the eldest of Jay’s seven children (five girls and two boys), he also feels a huge weight of responsibility towards his younger siblings and hasn’t had any professional therapy himself.

“No, no, nothing like that. That might be down to a bit of Northern pride, but I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and that drives me. I’ve got siblings who look up to me and I’ve got my grandparents as well. So all those things keep my head screwed on.

“My mum had a massive influence on me and I lived with a lot of sisters in the house, so I do find it easier to speak about my emotions. But I’m also from Doncaster, where to be a guy is to be tough and traditional and I feel like [there are] times where pride kicks in and I just say I’m all right.

"I’m lucky that I’ve got good people around me who I can trust and who I can be completely vulnerable with and say how I feel. Nine times out of 10, I don’t bottle things up. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

[below the cut is the rest of the unedited article - including Eleanor, Freddie, 1D]

His model, blogger and politics graduate girlfriend Eleanor Calder, 27, who Louis first got together with back in 2010 during the last week of The X Factor (“before it got manic”) has been a crucial part of the stability he’s needed through such sadness.

“She’s been amazing. With any monumental time in your life you need people who understand and love you. She makes my life easier.”

In 2015 they split up for nearly two years during which time Louis became a dad to Freddie, now four, following a brief fling with LA stylist Briana Jungwirth.

The track Too Young is almost an apology to Eleanor for that period (“I’m sorry I hurt you, darling… I cut you off cos I didn’t know no better”), but Louis says the time apart taught him some tough lessons and has made them stronger.

“I think we both agree that we needed [that break]. I was too immature for a relationship of that seriousness. But I had to learn that and be an idiot first.

“A lot of young men won’t understand until they have hindsight. The responsibility of meeting someone you could spend the rest of your life with at 18 is too much for most immature men. I was very immature at that → age and didn’t understand the feelings or importance.”

He and Eleanor guard their privacy ferociously and very deliberately haven’t made themselves a public couple. They don’t go to places where they’ll get papped or post pictures of each other on social media.

“Me and Eleanor have been together ages and I don’t have a lot of private photos for myself,” he says. “Even on a night out there’ll be some f**ker taking my picture and it goes everywhere.

"So those moments to ourselves are special. It’s the same way I look at Freddie. Do I wanna show him off and tell the world how amazing he is? Yes, of course I do! But I know he’s amazing and he knows that and that’s what matters.”

He dotes on Freddie (“I cherish my time with my boy”) but admits the unplanned pregnancy was a wake-up call.

“Yeah, it was unexpected and I had to grow up very quickly. It was another one of them moments – being faced with the reality of a situation and having to step up. It was a very maturing time in my life.

“And, again, I’ve kind of got between two headspaces. I’m the responsible dad and brother some days and other days I’m still the reckless idiot chav I used to be. I’m still trying to work out a happy medium.”

Absolutely no one could have predicted the global phenomenon that 1D became, least of all Louis, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Harry themselves.

They sold 20 million albums worldwide, earning over £40million each, but the pressures of fame were, at times, intolerable. Louis says they were only able to keep their heads screwed on because they had each other.

“You can never be prepared for that. It was such a head f**k. But we grounded each other so the minute one of us acted like a d**khead one of the others would say: ‘Stop being a d**khead’. I see people in this job surrounding themselves with superiority and they lose the concept of the real world.”

He remembers doing a shoot with the band for Pepsi over in the States with American footballer Drew Brees.

“This guy was like a god and we were insignificant when he was around, which we understood. But I’ve never seen anything like it. Every sentence that came out of his mouth he’d have an audience of hangers-on in hysterics.

"These people were so far up his arse and he didn’t have one good joke. He had no banter! I still hang around with my boys from Doncaster and I hear real stories all the time, which helps me understand the world that unfortunately I don’t get to see. Having empathy with people and a connection with the world is imperative for any songwriter.”

Harry Styles recently said that he never touched drugs during his time in the band (although he’s made up for that since), because he didn’t want to “mess it up”. Louis smiles as he confides that he can’t say the same.

“All I’ll say is that I did my fair share and enjoyed my time in the band. It’s right what Harry said and it was smart of him, but I definitely had a lot of fun in the band. I was always aware of how amazing the opportunity was, but also enjoying the moment for what it was. I lived like anyone else my age – the difference was that I was in One Direction.”

He’s in touch with Harry, Niall and Liam “sporadically” (we’ll come to Zayn shortly), but they’re all on very different paths for now.

“If we all went to a pub tomorrow it’d be like we’d never left. The enormity of what happened in One Direction creates a massive bond and we’ll always have that.

"There have been times when we’ve done each other’s heads in. There might be something I say in an interview that bugs Liam or vice versa, but we all know what each other is like and we can call each other up and say sorry for being a d**k. We’re like brothers.”

But that’s not necessarily the case with Zayn, who quit in 2015 and with whom Louis has had a turbulent relationship since. He was hurt when Zayn was the only one not to turn up at the X Factor studio to support him through his performance after Jay’s death, despite promising to be there.

Then there’s Zayn’s apparent repeated digs. In one interview he branded 1D’s music “generic as f**k”. There’s a difference between making a break from the past and dismissing it completely, and it’s a line Zayn perhaps hasn’t always managed to walk.

“Hmm,” agrees Louis, cautiously. “Other than maybe Niall, there is no one who is prouder of the band and the songs we created than me. But while what I did with One Direction is relevant, it doesn’t define who I am and I don’t struggle to make that dissociation.”

Does he think some of what Zayn has said has been disrespectful?

“Yeah, I do. But I can understand it. We have a lot of situations where we’re sat in interviews and if you’re in a certain mood you might run your mouth. The older you get the more you can tell if these things actually carry any malice or if they’re just a prod in the back. That’s life, innit? Sometimes people chat s**t and that’s the reality.”

He’s not ruling out resolving their differences in the future, but there’s no olive branch on the horizon.

“No, but I’ve not actively tried. We’ve all got a lot on our plates and there might be a day where I wake up and think: ‘OK, I want to right that wrong’, but not yet.”

After being in his company for a while, it’s not hard to see why Louis was 1D’s driving force backstage. He’s thoughtful, articulate, open and self-aware, but there’s a steeliness to him and the requisite pop-star swagger, which doesn’t seem to spill over into arrogance.

He’s based in LA these days, to stay close to Freddie, but “Donny” will always be home. He says comparing the two places is “literally chalk and cheese” and it’s taken him time to “come round” to living in the States.

“It’s taken a while to get used to spending so much time there. I feel like I’m very British at heart.”

And that is reflected in his music, which is heavily influenced by the Arctic Monkeys, The Smiths and Oasis. In fact, the title track and latest single Walls sounds so similar to Oasis B-side and fans’ favourite Acquiesce that Louis’ manager flagged it as a potential issue.

“These kinds of things happen. There are only so many melodies you can write and if you listen to a band all the time like I do with Oasis…”

Anyway, says Louis. He had to make a choice.

“I was ready to risk it, but everyone said we should get in touch with Noel [Gallagher] so we did. Often the industry, and especially Noel’s world, can be a bit snobby and say: ‘F**k you you’re not using this song’. But he was really cool about it, signed it off no problem and although I’m sure he’s not happy about this, I f**king am, I’ve got a writing credit from Noel Gallagher on my album. That is some sick s**t so I’m buzzing.”

Is he nervous about going it alone? “I think I’ve got a good record so I’m confident. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t little bit nervous – there’s three and half years work gone into it so there’s a level of anticipation.”

The most overwhelming emotion though, is relief.

“Because it’s taken such a long time. I’m excited to go on to the next phase of my career.”

Louis Tomlinson’s new album Walls is out now.

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Punk Rock Prince

Summary: Punk rock lead guitarist Jinyoung, and (Y/n) the bassist of Nonchalant Disruption, a punk rock band looking for a new lead guitarist. 

Jinyoung X Reader

One-shot 

It was the third time watching Jinyoung play all by himself, his riffs floating through the room, if only I could ask him if he was looking to be in a band. My band was lacking a lead guitarist ever since Gwen had decided she had better places to be, and no longer wanted to play in a punk rock band. She wanted to be in a pop band, and be the lead, and I had offered her countless times to take lead and each time she had declined. Her passion lies in pop music, and we decided to let her go so she could achieve her dreams. And the rest of us were left searching for a guitarist, posting flyers everywhere, putting ads in newspapers, we still have yet to receive a call. 

My friend Mark, the drummer in our band, comes up to me and he’s like, “You’ve been watching each time he plays, he seems like a pretty good replacement” I nodded at the fact, “I think he’s going to make us big, he’d be more than just a replacement but we have to ask…” He rolls his eyes, “Why don’t you ask Joy to do it?” I look over to where she is in the bar, and she’s flirting with a man, “Well, I would but you know her.” He laughs, “I’ll just do it, once he’s done with his setlist. Although, if I’m being honest he could make it on his own, he’s so talented-” “Like Gwen?” “Yeah, I loved her” “You’ve always had a thing for lead guitarists-” “You’ve always had a thing for rhythm guitarists-” “You didn’t deny it” He tries to tease me, “Nor did you~” I smirk at him, and he rolls his eyes, “I should have became the lead guitarist, instead of being the bassist” He laughs at me, “Yeah maybe, but here we are now… Anyway, I think he’s almost done” I shake my head at him, disagreeing, “You know in November Rain where they have a dip in the middle? Yeah, that’s what this is going to be” I was right, and I head up to the bartender and ask him about Jinyoung, “Why doesn’t anyone every ask about me?! Ah yes, Jackson, how are you? I’m fine, thank you” He looks at me pointedly, “Fine,... How are you Jackson?” “Little late now, anyway, Jinyoung has been looking for a group, although he is pretty good solo he likes company, he doesn’t want to be lonely.” I nod gesturing him to go on, “There are three groups and a few companies looking at taking them into their arms” I grumble, “Of course there are-” “But I bet with your sweet charms, you could do it-” “Jackson… How’s the love life?” “They’re mad at me…” “Why?” “I didn’t remember our cats birthdays…” “Jaebum will get over it, but you need to make it up” “I know, plus I only flirt with customers to get better tips” “Everyone knows that” He scoffs at me, “Well, your man is packing up his guitar” My eyes go wide, realizing I had talked to Jackson too long.

People piled up where he had to walk, already asking him to join their group, and I almost screamed, when I see a well-known act talking to him and garnering his full attention. After he walks away he doesn’t talk to anyone else, it’s not like I can reach him anyway, with the way he moved out the back door exit. I go back over to Mark and almost screamed again, he knows immediately what happened. “Don’t worry, if he joins with Jolly Roger, we’ll just figure it out okay? You never know, someone better than him might come around” I nod as we eventually get Joy to come back to us, and leave the joint.

Three hours later, laying in my bedroom about ready to scream because every time I’ve wanted to ask Jinyoung to be our guitarist something always comes in the way. The first time, Gwen had saw us and talked our heads off about the pop world. The second time being Joy getting drunk off her ass and trying to beat someone up twice her size. Dragging her away and apologizing for her was horrifying. That man was so pissed off, thank god I’m friends with Jaebum and Jackson. Mark and I would have been beaten to a pulp, after Joy was. This last time I screwed it up, I mean it was only a matter of time before I had. 

As I lay on my bed contemplating what I’m going to do, maybe start screaming from rooftops to join my group if you're a lead guitarist. That’s when I get a call, I immediately roll over, and answer and it’s just a spam call. I nearly threw my phone against the wall, thankfully, it hit my bean bag. I grumble shoving myself under blankets, and curling into my pillow, and not a minute later after getting comfy. My phone goes off, and I roll my eyes, getting up, and I answer, “Is this uh (Y/n) from Nonchalant Disruption?” I nod, realizing they can’t hear that I answer, “Yeah” “I saw your advertisement that you were looking for a lead guitarist, and I was wondering if I could audition?” “Um is tomorrow good for you?” “Yeah, what time?” “Let me go see when the others are free, give me a second?” Covering the receiver up, I quickly yell if 10 am is good for everyone to see our potentially new lead guitarist, the two shout back a ‘sure’. “Are you good with 10 am?” “Yeah” “Perfect,” I grin, “can I get your name?” “Oh uh, yeah, Park Jinyoung” My jaw drops, and I’m so glad he couldn’t see, get yourself back together, (Y/n), I scold myself internally, before telling him, “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you Jinyoung, I’ll-We’ll see you tomorrow” With that we hang up, and I throw myself into my bed and scream into my pillow. 

Joy comes rushing in, “You okay?” I grin up at her, “More than okay” “It’s Jinyoung isn’t it” I nod at her and she laughs at me, “So wanna talk about him~” “He’s going to be our new guitarist, and-” “You have a thing for leads you know that?” “Yes, and what about it…” as I whisper in her ear, “Drummer girl” “Shut up, he won’t go for me” I roll my eyes at her, “Are you going to play this game of horrible charades with him for much longer?” “This is about you not me” “Yeah, yeah, I know… Anyway I think he’s cute, and man do guitarists always have to be that hot?” She winks at me, “Not you, ew…” “You’re mean” “Yeah, and?” “How did Gwen put up with dating you” “She didn’t, that’s why she broke up with me and left the group to play pop music” “Still sour over that, it’s been three months since she left the group.” “I’m over that, very much so, but doesn’t mean I can’t grumble” “Yes and no” I sigh, "She broke up with me two years ago, she was in our band up until three months ago and it's still a sore wound just like for you guys because even if I wasn't with her romantically, it was just nice to be with her, she really played a good roll in the band" "I know your over her romantically but we'll see if Jinyoung wants to join us. And then we can began anew, alright?" I nod and lay back on my bed, Mark knocks on the door that's open, "Takeout is here" I pat my bed and he walks over plopping himself on it, and we feast like well cheap kings, tomorrow gleaming in our eyes. 

Jinyoung arrives thirty minutes early, thankfully we were all ready and cleaned up. Like always, the people that live in the other apartments are at work right now. We sit on the couch and ell Jinyoung to start when he’s ready, and just like at his gigs he plays loud and fast riffs which transition into still loud but slow riffs that leave your heart pounding wondering what is to come next. Mark looks over at me and grins, Joy does the same, before I say, "How about this we play and you try to keep up" Jinyoung smirks at us, "I think it'll be you trying to keep up with me" all cocky like, not many people know but we start on two on practice, for shows we start on five. Mark goes, "A one and a two" without missing a beat Jinyoung starts on two with ease and we start playing our fastest song, "New Girl" (by suicide machines if you like punk rock music I suggest it) Mark and I singing the main, Joy doing the backing vocals, Jinyoung catches on pretty fast not only catching onto backing vocals but on guitar. Gwen was a fan of fast chord progression and he is playing it effortlessly, like he's heard the song a million times, when we finish, I look over at him, "How do you know that song so well?" He grins at us, "I've been following your band for a long time, you guys got me into punk rock music… And once I got a taste of how fast you can play I never wanted to let it go. And when Gwen left the band, it felt like my heart being ripped out. I thought you guys were going to disband and never play again. Then, I started seeing Nonchalant Disruption flyers, and I was trying to find free time in between playing little gigs… and it would be my honor to play with you guys" He humbly bows his head just in case he wasn't going to be let in. Before I can say a word, Mark lets out, "You're in" he looks at us so shocked, he starts to sputter not expecting us to accept him, "You're the only one that audition" I agree with Joy, and let out my own view, "We've been watching you play for the past couple days and… we were trying to get you in the group-" "You were trying-" "Besides the point Mark" Mark laughs at me, and Jinyoung grins, "So um can you play all our songs-" "Yeah, I know (Y/n) has mentioned how they love The Ramones and I figured out half of their songs, Mark loves Death a protopunk band, Gwen loved the The Queers, and Joy loves The Clash" 

"You decided to follow all our favorite groups and learn most of their songs?" He nods, "And in doing that I found my favorite punk rock band The Sex Pistols" I grin at him, "That's one of our favorite groups too, we look at them for inspiration a lot, hoping that we can get one of our albums banned." He smirks at us, "Well I'm going to be the one that’ll get you there and beyond." Joy puts her hand on my shoulder before stepping next to me, "Oh is that so?" Mark questions as he gets up from his stool, Jinyoung nods, I look at the other two and put my hand out, Joy lays her hand on mine, Mark on top of that, and we gesture Jinyoung to do the same, he puts his hand in, and we shout loudly and proudly, "To Nonchalant Disruption" 

We celebrated, and it wasn't long before we were back on tour. Jinyoung's skills made us so much better, no offense to Gwen but he could out play her any day. To say the least, I was slowly falling for him, from his cockiness to his motherly nature. He’d act cocky about his skills as a guitarist--although he is fully valid in that cockiness--to cooking dinner for us or giving us a look that tells us not to do something idiotic. But his laughter is something that holds a place in my heart like no other. Gods wished to have his laughter, it's so cute. But oh dear, when he gets mischievous glint in his eyes, and gets in on the joke. Like where I was the one to have spilt the flour all over the floor,... it was 3 am in the morning, and before I could clean it up, Joy was screaming as she slipped on it and landed. I ran back to my room as she started screaming that she was going to get Mark back. And she did, I acted to be asleep through it all and Jinyoung came in when the other two went to sleep, "You did it, didn't you?" "What are you talking about?" The glint in his eyes glowing bright, "Fine,... don't tell Joy" He smirks, "What do I get out of it, if I don't tell her?" I look at him, "My dignity-" "Since when you did you have that?" "Don't get smart on me, Jinyoung… but I'll buy you that Gibson you've been looking at" Needless to say, I bought him the white Gibson, and Joy got Mark back by going into the shower and pouring blue dye on him. Oh, not only was his hair stained blue but his skin too, the smurf jokes that went on for weeks. And I was so glad Jinyoung kept it a secret because that would have been my fate. 

When Gwen had called us and told us she was going to get married, I was floored. With her being gorgeous and all, the stunning personality, there was no reason to say she wouldn’t make someone fall for her, but I never thought she would reciprocate those feelings. After all, she had told me she was never the marrying type, Gwen was a very private person. She had always been, no one knew I had been with her, just like every other band that kisses their members to fuel the fangirls and fanboys, that's what we did. No one knew what we were up to, except those within the group. That's how she liked it, so when Jinyoung found me crying in the closet he was so shocked. I was over her but it felt like she never felt anything for me. She was making her marriage public, for everyone to know that she is going to be happy with the man she was marrying… The only part private is who is on the guest list. It felt like our whole relationship was a sham, as much as I was over Gwen I couldn’t help but feel like during the time we were together she didn’t feel the same. And that I was hopelessly in love with him, that I may be crying of Gwen, I know where my true feelings lie. Gwen just caused me pain from her antics. I cried all of this to Jinyoung, he just held me as talked it out. Not saying a word to me but just rockin’ me back and forth, and I could have stayed in those arms forever. 

I guess I got tuckered out crying in his arms, because when I woke up I was in my bed and it was 7 in the morning. As I sat up, I heard a knock on my door, I looked up and told them to come in. Low and behold, it was Jinyoung and he had a tray full of breakfast food, and he tells me, “You had a rough night last night, I made you breakfast, got you some Motrin just in case you needed it.” The breakfast he made me was enough to feed an army. But I wasn’t about to complain about this, rather I start thanking him over and over again. “Didn’t she say you needed to bring someone as a date to her wedding?” I groan as I nod at him, shoveling a big bite of pancake, with whip cream, syrup, and butter on it. “Would you want to go as my date?” He asks softly, my eyes go wide as I gulp down the big bite. My cheeks a rosy red, as I careful and quiet voice I say, “I would love to” He grins, “We can show her what’s she’s missing out on. I mean for god sakes who would leave someone like you, your everything someone dreams about. And she left you for some guy whose money is as big as his ego” I chuckle at him, “Thanks, Jinyoung, you don’t know how much yo-I mean that means to me.” He rolls his eyes, “Just admit it you love me” I look up at him, “Yeah I do, I love you a lot Jinyoung. And I don’t know why my heart was fussing over her last night, when I have everything I need right in front of me. You’re everything I could want and more, you punk” He laughs, and takes whip cream off the top of my pancakes, I pout as he eats it. “You’re right I’m a punk, but I’m your punk, baby, just like you’re my punk.” 

So maybe I didn’t end up with my dream girl. I ended up with someone better, the dreamiest guy, that makes me breakfast in bed. Who kisses my hand whenever he takes it in his. Who twirls me around as we listen to the Sex Pistols, who sat besides me holding my hand as we got matching tattoos. Maybe we shouldn’t have done it, but I do know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And a tattoo was just the way to do it. We didn’t want a grand wedding, a small wedding as The Ramones played as we kissed. Mark and Joy hollering, because they were the two to witness it. The priestess wishing us well, Joy and Mark attached cans to the back of my car, them clattering as we drive through the pouring rain after we ran to get into the car. And I wouldn’t have had our wedding any other way. Dancing in the rain as we listened to The Misfits. Later that night, getting those matching tattoos, kissing in the alleyway behind the shop, everyone dreams of someone kissing them the way Jinyoung kissed me behind that shop. 

Mark and Joy eventually got together, two punk power couples in the same band. It seemed impossible but it only made our group stronger, having double dates with them is honestly cute. Joy got on her knee one time while we were on a double date, Jinyoung and I knowing about this for weeks and being in on the planning. As she asked him to marry her, Mark’s eyes flooding with tears as he joined her on the carpet and agreed. Jinyoung nestled his head into my neck and sighingly said, “Young Love” We all rolled our eyes at him, but I agreed. 

I never thought I would end up with such a great guy like Jinyoung, but here I am sitting on a porch as it rains, and he’s sprinting from the car, and has flowers, I look at him like he’s crazy and he sits on the porch swing seat next to me, “It’s our anniversary of the day we meet and I got you flowers” I grinned, and bring him into the house, “You think I’d forget such an important date?” He raises his eyebrows at me, I can be quite forgetful, I forgot our marriage anniversary so many times, until the last minute. I tell him to go get changed into something warm, he agreed and Joy and Mark came out of their hiding spots, “Get to your rooms, you two, dastardly devils” The snicker, “Yes, (Y/n)” I roll my eyes, as I go to the cabinet and pull out the wrapped present I’ve been hiding, knowing that the three of them can find anything unless it’s glaringly obvious that it’s there, then they’ll just pass over it. I pull out the mini cake to find spelled out on the cake, “Happy mini anniversary, babe” Knowing I didn’t ice that, I have to remind myself to thank those two devils. 

Jinyoung comes down as I get out two paper plates, after putting the flowers into a vase. I gesture for him to sit down, his anarchy tattoo showing proudly on his neck. “Open your present babe” He does so slowly, taking the bow apart and taking it open piece by piece. He lets out a loud gasp, one of the hardest albums to get, God Save the Queen by The Sex Pistols, and I tell him to open it up, and it’s signed. He carefully places it back on the counter, and jumps over the counter and pulls me into him, kissing me deeply, “You didn’t have to do that babe, thank you so much” I grin at him, “You deserve especially with dealing with forgetful old me, I love you so much. And I know how much every anniversary means to you, along with birthdays and I just want to show that appreciation I have for you… Plus if you think this is a little much wait till your birthday--” He shuts me up with a kiss, “Thank you so much, baby” I hear a knock as I cut the cake into two slices, I groan and Joy gets the door to reveal, Jaebum and Jackson. 

They come in, “Happy mini anniversary you two, we were here to pick you four up for a big celebration after all it’s your eighth anniversary of the day you met, so…” I look at Jinyoung he shrugs, “After we eat the cake” They grumble, and Jinyoung and I eat comfortably, not caring about dressing up that much for the date. Knowing we were just going to celebrate it in the kitchen of their bar. 

Jinyoung’s hands intertwined with mine as we walked into the bar and he danced with me on the empty dance floor. After a little while we join the rest of them in the kitchen. Bambam and Yugyeom coming in with a keg of beer, Youngjae coming in with boxes of pizza, and there is no other way I would want to celebrate our mini my anniversary with Jinyoung. With his hand intertwined with mine under the table as we eat. I kiss his nose as we exchange stories. Our friend group got big after we met Jinyoung, and it feels like a big tight knit family. 

I guess I should tell you Gwen’s wedding was spectacular for those who were famous. But for us it was boring except Jinyoung and I dancing to the songs, singing horribly to them. We danced the night away, and Jinyoung is right like he usually is, she knows what she’s missing out on, and there is no way she can get me back. With the way he dips me in his arms, to swaying back and forth, or dramatically twirling one another. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, for all these people to see me happily with Jinyoung. Although, being there did help in our rise to fame, more people wanting to know what a punk band was doing, after all she asked us to sing a song at her wedding, pop appropriate of course. Although I may or may not have slipped a curse word into the song that didn’t have a curse word in it… while playing at Gwen’s wedding. 

I guess I do have a thing for lead guitarists, if their name is Park Jinyoung, of course. No one can beat his charms, his heart, his laugh, his everything. And he would say the same about me if not more, I love him as he loves me. I lean into him and kiss his neck discreetly and he shivers, and rolls his eyes at me, “I love you” I whisper into his neck, “I love you too” he says softly to me, ruffling my hair.