#i never post ever because all i've been drawing for the past few months are.... homestuck oc doodles....

[justskyla-art]

a ferryman whiteboard doodle

[spuffybot]

Hey hi! I saw your post about Buffy being your favorite show and what do you mean "you know what’s happening with certain characters based on the colors they are wearing"? That's SO cool and something I've never noticed despite being such a tv nerd, do you have examples?

Ohhhh my gosh I love this question!!! There are a few characters who come to mind (Buffy & Willow) but I’m gonna talk about Spike because I love to talk about Spike.

So Spike is a character who very much has a uniform and this uniform is linked to his identity. It’s important to note that this is an identity he crafted. Because as we know Spike started out as William, a man who was sensitive and kind and who was unappreciated by his peers. When he became a vampire he wanted to shed that weakness and he uses his hair, accent, and clothing to reinforce the idea that he is a strong, tough, and evil being.

Spikes official uniform is perfectly slicked back bleach blonde hair, a red shirt, dirty black jeans, combat boots and his signature leather duster. This is Spikes armor. It’s how he embodies Spike and leaves William behind. The red shirt is also quite critically linked to his “evil era” as I’ll call it.

Throughout the show there are key moments where Spike deviates from this uniform and it’s always linked to a crises of identity.

The first moment I want to talk about is Spike in the Hawaiian shirt. He’s just been chipped, he’s relying on the Scoobies for survival, the core tenants of his identity (predator, killer, lover of Drusilla, leader of a vampire gang) have all been stripped from him against his will. He looks ridiculous wearing Xanders clothes because we know it’s ridiculous (at this point) for him to just be one of the Scoobies.

This is not unlike Tabula Rasa (which has a deliciously layered theme of loss of identity both literal with memory loss and metaphoric with each of the characters personal lives) where we see Spike once again out of uniform completely and lacking his identity. Now like I said on the surface he has truly lost his identity he has no memory of who he is. But it’s no surprise that he draws the (incorrect) conclusion that he’s a vampire with a soul on a mission of redemption because for the past few months he’s been playacting that role. After Buffy died Spikes entire identity was usurped by the need to live up to her memory. He babysits Dawn. He patrols with the Scoobies. He lives a mundane and neutered life because he thinks it’s what she would have wanted. Except now she’s back. And she’s opening up to him in ways she never has before. And she’s kissed him. And this is simultaneously the most incredible and terrifying thing to ever happen to Spike because it’s all he wants but he knows deep down, it’s not who he is. He has no soul. He has no remorse. He is not good.

Now let’s talk about some less overt examples. Because the wardrobe team does an incredible job of making subtle shifts to Spikes uniform that communicate his emotional arc.

In Crush, we see Spike swap the red shirt for a light blue shirt (blue is going to be a theme!) and lighter pants. By doing this he communicates to Buffy that he’s different than before. He’s lighter and softer. A man she could be interested in. But of course, just like the uniform of Spike is a performance, this too is a performance and one Buffy sees through quickly.

Blue comes back again in Smashed, an episode where once again Spike’s identity comes into play. He has been play acting at being a Scooby but we know that’s not who he really is. Now, suddenly he finds that he can hurt Buffy without activating his chip. All of a sudden he gets a glimpse of his old self and it infuses him with confidence and purpose. The blue shirt in this episode is deep and rich, verging on purple. By wearing this shirt it shows us how deeply conflicted Spike is. The war between his selfish love for Buffy and his feelings of being trapped and controlled by his chip (and his feelings for her) is coming to a head. And of course, by showing his teeth he gives Buffy the push she needs to sleep with him.

Ok so now we get to talk about my FAVORITE season when it comes to Spikes loss of identity and the use of his uniform to depict that: season 7.

When we first see Spike in season 7 something very important is happening: his hair is completely disheveled and curly, with his natural brown roots showing. This is the closest we have ever seen Spikes hair resemble Williams hair and this is important because as we know, Spike now has a soul and so he is closer now to William than he has been in over 100 years.

When Spike finally leaves the basement he is in a bright blue shirt and lacking his signature leather duster. The duster becomes a key plot point in season 7 with the introduction of Robin Wood (considering it was his mother’s jacket and Spike killed her.) Now, Wood is a controversial character but I personally think having Spike have to reckon with the consequences of his past all tied up in the metaphor of identity that is his leather jacket is chefs kiss.

Speaking of the leather jacket, in episode 15, Get It Done we see Spike put the jacket back on for the first time since Seeing Red. This is a moment of reclamation of identity. Souled Spike is listless and guilt ridden. And as the potentials point out, even a demon can kick his ass. When he puts that jacket back on he takes back a piece of who he is and starts on the journey of self discovery that we will see him continue in Angel season 5. Because ultimately it’s not Spike or William but the fusion of the two that make Spike who he is. AND TO BRING IT BACK FULL CIRCLE while Spike reclaims the jacket, he does not bring back the red shirt.

One other interesting thing about season 7 is that Spike is no longer as wiry and muscular as he was in season 6. Now, James Marsters has said that this was deliberate on his part because he was tired of being naked on the show and figured if he stopped working out (he has also said that he created his season 6 body deliberately upon being told he would be naked all the time) then they would stop making him take his shirt off. And while this is obviously not a deliberate choice on the part of the show, I do think it’s interesting that Spike becomes less angular and sharp after he gets his soul. He releases some of the hardness that defined him emotionally and physically. Which ties in nicely to this overarching theme of identity crises. It also hints at a certain level of toxicity on set if one of your lead actors feels the need to take drastic measures to protect themselves but that’s a whole different essay.

I hope this answers the question and I would loooove to hear what other people think about this. I know I didn’t touch on every Spike moment but I wanted to highlight ones I feel are critical parts of his narrative.

[thecurioustale]

My New Book Is Out! | Tokens of Zeal

My new book is out!

Buy it! Buy it now!

That's right: In secret, on January 2 of this year I began writing a book of essays. Some of you may know that I have an online journal, which I created in the summer of 2003 when I was just 21 years old and have kept up with ever since. For my new book I went back to the journal and read through it, entry by entry, drawing out excerpts of interest that became conversation pieces for 81 various and sundry essays reflecting on my past life and past thoughts.

The essays are short, often very short. They are less challenging than my usual writing, I would say. My purpose was not to advance my personal frontier of philosophy and intellectual thought in 2024, or to reach a niche audience of deep thinkers, but instead to reflect sincerely on some things I've seen along the way and muse upon how my thoughts have changed and stayed the same over twenty years.

I mention this to you because I am a bit worried that anyone who reads this book might think there's not much to me as an author, and might be dissuaded from reading my works of fiction when those books eventually come out, so I'll lampshade that by adding that I wrote this book in two-and-a-half months. Make of that what you will. I told myself I wouldn't self-sabotage the book by needlessly saying negative things about it, and I am proud of it, not only the fact that I finished it at all, let alone so quickly, but of the actual contents too.

This book is "Volume 1" in a hypothetical series, as it doesn't cover the entire twenty years of the journal but only the first four months, from August to November of 2003—at which point the essays had reached "book length" (lol). So really this book is a snapshot of my life in the latter half of 2003. At that time, I was fading out of college due to financial hardship and other issues, and did not realize that I would never (as yet) return.

I have been wanting for years to go back and reread my journal, and writing a book out of it was the perfect impetus to finally do it. I think a few things stand out about the Josh of 2023:

First, my principles have remained remarkably consistent, but my awareness and understanding of the world has grown drastically, and so those same principles have led me over time to some different policy views and worldviews on some things.

Second, I was a 21-year-old arrogant block of cheese, full of hormones and self-conviction, and that definitely shows up at times in ways that I simultaneously am not proud of and yet which I admire for their sheer gall. There is something very magnetic about the old me which doesn't exist anymore.

Third, following up on that point, it was pretty inspiring and encouraging to revisit the old me, with all that native optimism and drive. I don't express those qualities anymore because life has worn me down and also because I have come to recognize that humanity's problems are a lot more stubborn and irremediable than I thought. By glimpsing into the past, I couldn't help but be cheered on by the old Josh's proud, utopian sense of human inevitability. It lifted my own spirits in the here and now!

I made the mistake of announcing the book on Patreon right after I finished writing it, i.e. back in mid-March. Then I had to wring my hands every week about how post-production was taking longer than expected. Between the irritating realities of formatting a book in software not properly equipped to format a book (never write a book in Google Docs), the complexities of my detail-oriented manner and strong vision regarding the cover design (and engaging for the first time ever with modern generative AI, and having to learn those ropes), and sustaining illnesses and other life priorities and so on, it would take me another two months in all to finally reach today, where I can now publicly declare:

The book is done! It is for sale right now. It is called:

Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age

(Caption: Book front cover of Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age, by Joshua Calars.)

You can buy it through Amazon in either paperback or e-book format. (I recommend the paperback version for aesthetics as it is much truer to my design vision for the book's layout and appearance, but my profit margin is actually a dollar bigger with the e-book version, so really just go with whichever version you prefer.) It is available in the US as well as in basically all the other countries that Amazon has expanded its publishing service into. If you need help finding a link to a particular version, give me a ping and I will point you there (if there is a "there" to be pointed to). This is my second published book, following Prelude to After The Hero in 2015, and the first book to be published in print.

If you do read it, first of all thank you! It's an honor that you would take the time. Second of all, I would love any feedback you care to offer. That's not a platitude either; feedback is hard to come by and I really would be interested in anything you have to say, good or bad. You can e-mail me, DM, reblog this, drop an ask, or tag me in an independent post. Whatever you like! Feedback will help me greatly when I eventually get around to writing Volume 2. And feel free to leave a review on Amazon, whether good or bad (though hopefully you enjoy the book); I am told it pleases The Algorithm. But most of all, if you enjoy the book, tell someone about it! Your word-of-mouth is currently 100 percent of my advertising budget, lol.

That's all. I wrote a book; it took four-and-a-half-months; it's done now; and it's the first time I've ever gotten to hold a book that I wrote in my hands as a physical thing, and that's pretty neat.

[femslashfeb]

HELLO ALL

TLDR

No reblogging from the blog this year - posting prompts tomorrow the 31st

For the past few years I've very much struggled with reblogging everyone's activity in the tag. So this year I will not be doing so.

(OR maybe I will? I just don't want to commit)

Even if I knew how to make a bot that reblogs - a lot of people still use the unique tag to tag outside challenges. So I've always had to hand submit. However it became too stressful for me and for the past few years I ended up avoiding it until later weeks or even months.

If you noticed I didn't finish reblogging last year so- I've just given up on that.

Honestly I've struggled a lot with depression for the last 7 years or so. It's been harder and harder to find my way back to tumblr. It doesn't help that my phone can barely handle the amount of apps it already has.

My main account @puff-pink hardly ever updates because of my big sad. And I don't know if I'll ever get back on the horse in the same way I did before.

Some of you know me as an artist, and tho I still churn out subpar art for my day-job I've struggled a lot to make art for myself during my depression. Partially because one year I overworked my hand - and still deal in continual wrist aches. Even the weeks I don't pick up a drawing tool.

I intended this challenge for myself and maybe the small fandoms I was in at the time. But it took off among writers and creators of all types across all fandoms.

One year I even tried to tally the most popular fandoms but there were honestly too many to keep track of- and I stopped after the first three pages of submissions.

I don't claim to have invented the concept of FemSlash February. Before I started the prompts I swear I had heard the phrase somewhere. Tho not sure where. Perhaps it had been amongst my friends on Skype. Back when I had online friends and Skype(I'm still not sold on Discord🤷‍♀️).

However that January I thought it would be fun to partake in a challenge of some kind. But scouring tumblr and the general internet. I could only find half hearted efforts on fanfiction sites from years past.

I'm so proud of all my Sapphic creators on here that have partaken every year. Even if I've never shown favoritism or awarded anyone. I do notice those that actually complete the challenge AND those that keep coming back each year(looking at you H20 writer(I don't remember your username but there's a mermaid writer that's a writing machine)). I truly am proud of you especially in my shriveled state of creativity. Thank you for your efforts. For your hype. And for your love of women of all kinds across all the universes.

Each year I'm surprised to find even more categories I never thought to include. From mood boards, to doll photography, to ofc the classic art and writing. May your pencils forever be in union with your sister mediums.

On that note. There is a strict NO AI GENERATED ART or writing this year.

Not that I could physically stop anyone who does use AI. But I do not want that sort of thing associated with this challenge. It's become scarily good in 2023 to the point it can't always be identified. So I simply ask for the honor system when it comes to AI generated creations.

That being said. If you've made it to the end of this post:

Prompts will be posted tomorrow.

I usually prefer to give yall more of a buffer, but I've been busy. Both with Big Sad, rescuing some feral cats, my own life, errands, chores and work.

If you're still here- here is a preview of the first three days.

FEB 1 - black

FEB 2 - spring

FEB 3 - cake

The 14th as usual will be some sort of Valentine romance type theme(haven't decided specifically yet) and as always there will be a Rest Day.

Expect some repeat prompts. In the past I tried to avoid them but idc anymore.

It's also a Leap Year this year so expect one extra prompt to throw off the symmetry of what's normally 28 days.

Thanks for coming back this year. And thank you to those that still check on this blog.

❤️🧡🤍💜🩷

Keep loving girls

-PuffPink

[verbenaa]

5, 6, 9, 10, 20, 25, 30 for the writer asks! (feel free to skip some of these if it's too many 😭)

ahhh thank you so much for sending these in my friend 🥹💖 I've been a little down the past week or two and this is the perfect way to get myself reaquainted with being back on the internet after a unexpected semi-break 😅 (answering from here!)

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP.

“I’ll stop saying it over and over again when you realize that I am right.”

I'll give you 3 guesses as to who says that line lmao

6. the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you).

lmao it's Astarion 😂 very unsurprising I guess, considering this chapter is 60% his POV and the boy is having some serious introspection

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

Since I am currently working on chapter 9 of to eden I’ll do that, which has taken me a grand total of 8 weeks and 2 days to completion as I am finishing up last round of edits today so I can post either tonight or tomorrow 😅. A fast writer, I am not. HOWEVER I did also post two other fics in that 2 month period, which is a lot for me! Fingers crossed chapter 10 will take half the time that 9 did.

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

Oooh definitely the last fic I posted which was technically started back in may or June and not posted until a few weeks back. technically it was only like a 600 word draft though, so not like a whole story. 

20. in what year did you publish your first fic? This very year!!!! I posted my first ever fic back on January 12th ❄️💝

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies? I arguably don’t have a ton of free time, which means that writing is kind of my only hobby. But recently when I have happened to have free time and am not writing I’ve been enjoying drawing again! procreate and I are still figuring our shit out, but we're getting there. I also watch Star Trek nightly with my husband, engage in excessive Pinterest activity, and have been playing a lot of love & deepspace in bed at night before i pass out

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of. The most recent one I posted, all my dreaming is put to shame. I never intended on it to reach the level of depth and emotion that it did and I’m pretty proud of that! I was also incredibly nervous about it as I wasn't really sure how it would resonate with readers, but it's turned out to be very well liked! I'm still responding to people's comments on it because everyone was so nice that I got a little flustered by all the praise (which is a good thing, everyone please fluster me more.) (Also proud of myself for channeling that same energy for chapter 9 of to eden so prepare yourself I guess 😌 haha)

[lil-ace]

Gift for @march-flowerr based on a scene in chapter 20 of lay bare the bones of the earth, (hopefully I managed to do it justice!) :

“Count us down,” Tommy instructs Joel, and then chirrups to Justified and takes off before he’s even started counting. Ellie screeches and digs her heels into Curry’s sides, leans over her saddle as her horse leaps forward. “You asshole!” They race across the plains, the distance closing between them till they’re neck to neck. Tommy’s laughing; he’s taken off his hat and has the brim of it clenched between his teeth, both hands woven tight into the reins as he hunches forward. He catches Ellie’s eye and smirks, and she calls him a fucking cheater and surges ahead. The ground flashes beneath her; ahead, the walls of Jackson grow closer, taller. The lupine tickles the side of her face, whipped into a frenzy by the wind. She feels - powerful, connected: to her horse, to her valley, to her people. Her family. She glances over her shoulder. Tommy waves at her, his hat in his hand. He shouts something she can’t hear, but she grins all the same. She beats them all home.

I want to thank March for everything that 'lay bare the bones of the earth' is, and what a lovely ride it's been to follow along for these past few months. Painting this over the weekend was a really emotional and fulfilling experience for me, and I got a lot to say about it, so I'll put it under the read more cut to not clog up people's dashes lol.

Art school genuinely made me lose passion for art. I got so burnt out creatively that I didn't draw for years after art school. Initially I feared I'd lost all my skills with how long I hadn't drawn anything and that anxiety only made me put off picking up a pen for even longer. But as I was slowly getting back into art, my skills were just fine (albeit a bit rusty) but I came to the realization I'd lost something worse: The burning passion to create. Making art was now boring. It didn't feel fun or meaningful like it used to. All of my art felt hollow, because I felt hollow. I had always used art as a means to express myself creatively, emotionally, and you used to be able to see that in my art. Art school ruined that, it turned art into a mechanical chore, something to be nit-picked apart, critiqued and verbally torn to shreds. It made me look down on everything I made as 'not good enough', look at all the flaws and mistakes. I no longer wanted to share my art with people, because I was so convinced that's all they'd see, too. It's something I'm still working on unlearning now.

A large part of getting back into art has been trying to make it feel fun again, which has been a bit of a struggle. So I figured if I can't feel happy just by making art, maybe if I involve my special interest in it (tlou), the joy I feel from engaging with my special interest would maybe rub off on drawing eventually. So I slowly started drawing tlou fanart, just for myself. While I've been in the fandom since the very beginning, I've never really interacted a ton with other people in the fandom, outside of leaving kudos on fics, maybe a comment if I could work up the courage for it (socially anxious autistic person over here). But one of my close friends finally convinced me to make a tumblr, try posting some art and connect with other tlou fans. I've been slowly dipping my toes in tlou tumblr and it's been a lovely experience so far.💖

Tlou fics have always been a great source of comfort for me, and reading lay bare the bones of the earth was such an emotional journey, one that made me cry multiple times (happy tears & sad tears!). But reading chapter 20 was something else. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's been living rent free in my head ever since. March's words painted such a beautiful picture. I just got this image stuck in my mind, of Tommy & Ellie racing through the lupine fields as the sun is setting behind them and I had this burning urge to paint it, a feeling I haven't had in years! Figuring out the composition, picking all the colors, trying to get Curry's Appaloosa spots right, it made me feel all giddy as I could see each step bringing it closer to completion. I feel like I finally got a little taste of the joy I had for art all those years ago. And I wouldn't have gotten to experience that had I not gotten to read lay bare the bones of the earth. I can't thank you enough for that March 🥺 You've created such a wonderful story, the way you portray emotions is so raw, your writing reminds me of a rainy summer's day in the best way. You are such an inspiration and I can't wait to see what you do next!

[poniko-w]

Sorry if this is out of nowhere, but thank you quite genuinely for the adubachi brainrot, even if it is uncontainable, as just seeing it on my dash brightens my day vro 💖 the rot has spread also 🔥🔥 i dont know how to elaborate on this. its good its awesome, and i love wretched characters who love and hate

when i first started posting about adubachi as much as i did i wasn't even sure if people would genuinely like it or if i'd just come off as weird so getting this ask made me really happy.. thank you.. but also you're welcome i guess..? idk doesnt feel right to say just one or the other. i will never shut the fuck up about adubachi!!! i was sentenced to 8 long months of being too scared to talk about my genuine favorite ship on tumblr and now the beast has unleashed!! 😁 *sees opportunity to ramble*

*goes on semi-related but mostly something completely different ramble* and i am so so happy that other people love it just as much as i do even if im almost certain im the most annoying person about adubachi to roam this planet. i do not stop talking about it. all of my aus have a variant of adubachi when i dont do that with literally any of my other ships!! these girls have taken over my brain!!! seeing just how much more popular the ship has gotten over the past few months makes me so happy. i've had a lot of people attribute that to me but i honestly think it was smth a lot bigger than that.. i might be the most vocal adubachi fan.. like, ever, but i still think other people who've posted art of them (who are my mutuals that im somehow too shy to mention by name? im going to be so embarrassed if they read this and realize im talking about them) still deserve just as much credit.. i think the only difference with them and me is i never shut the fuck up about adubachi in particular because of jst how long ive been waiting to talk about them, ill make longass textposts about them(like this one) or draw them doing literally anything. someone could ask me to draw adukin and bachikin folding laundry and i probably would. other people still think about other things. my brain is mostly or even just almost completely occupied by adubachi. nothing will ever get worse than my complete and total love for kashikin but my fucking god has adubachi gotten extremely close. sorry about the big ramble i completely lost it for a minute there. i need to learn to shut up... this isnt even as long as some of the rambles i send to my friends about my stupid little random adubachi scenarios. thats scary. i talk too much i need to never speak again

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

POLL RESULT—! > To express admiration to him as an artist.

"... To express my admiration to you, since I heard that opening a studio takes a lot of time and money, especially for an artist."

ALBEDO seems surprised. It looked like he was expecting something else, but all he can do was let out an amused chuckle and simply shrug. Though, he did seem rather amused than offended.

"I see... I suppose it's normal for you to feel that way, then. I thought that it was because of something else."

[ AFFECTION ↑ 3+ ! ]

"Speaking of which, how is your studio coming along?" YESTERDAY asked, raising an eyebrow. "You didn't elaborate on it too much last time, so I've been thinking about asking you. I've never went to one before, if you can believe it."

The man hummed, pondering over what to say. Adjusting his sleeves, ALBEDO faces YESTERDAY more properly, his body leaning a bit forward to relax as he faced them head on.

"It's taking a while, for starters," he began, squinting a bit at the flowers before his eyes softened. "Although, perhaps it's due to a... Project of mine. You may think of it as a small task, if you will."

This perked up YESTERDAY's attention. A small task? From the looks of things, he did seem a bit reluctant to elaborate on it.

"Do tell," they said, nodding— as though to encourage him, which made him smile in a bit of amusement.

"I've been drafting up a painting for the studio. Have you ever tried to paint on walls, miss?"

... Wait, that's a thing?

"No, I'm afraid not," they replied, shaking their head. "I've never thought that people would ever paint their walls on a whim. Have you been thinking about doing it, hm?"

"For a few months, more or less. However, I have yet to decide on what reference I should start with," he explained, crossing his arms. "If I were to start painting on the wall, I usually begin with one from a canvas. I find it easier for me to frame how it should look with a finished product."

ALBEDO's eyes shifted to the plants, his smile drooping to a frown. It was clear that he was trying to think of a way to put his thoughts into words, especially with a serious matter like art block.

"Is it why you decided to come to my shop?" YESTERDAY asked, a tad bit blunt in their words, but they were trying to be honest. "To... Seek inspiration?"

He nodded.

"Hm... I see. If I may, I have a suggestion on how you can deal with this predicament," they suggested. "I doubt that it could resolve everything right away, but I believe it could be a start."

"Oh?" he looked over, raising an eyebrow out of curiosity. "Let's hear it. I'm open for suggestion."

"That's good. If that's the case..."

This poll will receive answers until 11 PM (GMT+8). Keep in mind that the majority will win, so vote what you think is right.

Additionally, any poll after this with additional votes WILL be null when the results are out. Choose wisely, focus on the recent poll, and ignore the past.

FLAWED TAGLIST: (send an ask to be added for Flawed!) @beloved-blaiddyd ; @mixed-kester ; @mochinon-yah ; @fffiii ; @leftdestiny-posts ; @ambrosia-divine

[brainrotheartrot]

hi hi yes hello,, first off i just wanna say i LOVE your art.

second, this is kinda weird but i just joined the arcane fandom not too long ago, & it was literally only because i saw vijinx art. like all of my mutuals are into arcane & i never bothered to get into it UNTIL i saw fanart of vijinx a few months ago. something abt it just intrigued me. i honestly never cared for caitvi.

however i wouldn’t consider myself a pro shipper, in fact i’d deny that. this is the first time i’ve enjoyed anything like this & i have no idea why. however i do like hardcore dynamics, for example, ellie/abby from tlou. but of course something like vi/jinx is more “extreme”. well in my opinion.

i’m coming to you because i’ve been stalking a lot of vijinx shippers and i really admire their content, especially yours. it’s such a guilty pleasure of mine. but i’m too scared to interact with anyone, even on an alt. so i just decided to stay anonymous.

i was just wondering if you ever felt guilty the first time you started shipping them? i’d honestly envy you if you haven’t. and how & why did you start shipping them? feel free to rant abt them for as long as you’d like.

i’ve been hearing stuff abt how they weren’t always sisters, like in the early league days. i wish it just stayed that way because it bothers me to not be able to talk abt my favorite ships publicly without being ridiculed for it. but a fucked up part of me is glad that they became sisters. holds more weight, you know. i understand the appeal entirely.

i’ve also even been secretly drawing them but i definitely do not have the balls to post them anywhere😭

ANYWAY, i’m yapping, but just let me know anything about your experience with them, how you view them n stuff. and if you have any advice to give me or any other information pls feel free. thank u so much

ps. i’m totally reading ur fic in a bit

Aww, hey there anon! Thanks for reaching out, always nice to meet another ViJinx fan :) I'm glad you enjoy my art, and I hope you'll like my fic as well! (Also, if you'd like to send me your art privately, I totally promise not to show anybody. <3)

I got a little rambly in my answer there, so I'll put it under the cut.

Honestly, I only call myself a 'proshipper' because this is what modern fandom lingo dictates. I don't really gel with a lot of elements of 'proshipdom', if you will -- there seems to be some broad agreement that if you like Some messed up aspects in your fiction, you must like All of them. And I really don't! I ship ViJinx because I love their specific dynamic, not just because I'm hot for every taboo topic by default. I probably would've shipped them just as much if the show had just made them close childhood friends, for example. But I also have no issue with fictional incest ships, I think they can be fun and juicy.

Like you, I've always been really drawn to problematic and intense lesbian relationships. I like CaitVi plenty, and I think they're going to get a lot messier in S2, which I'm excited for. But ViJinx is just an insanely compelling dynamic. I love the toxic codependent yuri shit. I love the tenderness and the violence, their shared past that now feels completely inaccessible to them both, Jinx's obsessiveness, Vi refusing to give up the image of Powder she's clung on to for years... man, this shit just rocks, okay. I'm not gonna pretend that it doesn't.

I've never felt any guilt about shipping ViJinx, tbh. I'm a fandom oldbie, by which I mean I was around before the morality police took over, and everyone understood we were just here to mash Barbies and have a good time. I've shipped several incest pairings before this, and I've always had a blast doing it. And so help me god, I don't intend to stop now, even if my Twitter blocklist is twenty miles long. I just immediately cut out anyone who tries to start shit, and chill with my fellow weirdos. It's a pretty small circle, but it's a nice time!

If you do decide to make an alt at some point, I recommend doing so on Twitter, as I've been able to find more active ViJinx shippers there. I could rec you some nice people to follow. :) Thanks for reaching out!

[bluebeads-art]

your art is so amazing !!! i adored the 3d printed stuff (as someone who has had to design myself 3d printed merch before because i don't usually have much access to the merch in my fandom lol), it's so good?? and all your coloring is beautiful <3

all this to say it might not seem like i reblog much but rest assured all the stuff i liked (or didn't) went into my queue a few times over hehehe. i LOVE your art it's amazing <3

wishing you luck with the identity and health stuff, even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it 🫡

gah this got away from me sorry for the ramble

aaaaaaa I saw this message in a notification on my phone, said "I'll read that when I actually have time to reply," then the notification got dismissed somehow and if there's no notification prompt to remind me of something, it no longer exists to me. It's been a month I'm so sorry ^^;;

Thank you so much! I wish it was easier to convert more of my stuff to be 3D printable, but my usual modeling style is not watertight in the slightest and disregards gravity entirely. 😆 3D modeling has always been really cool to me because there's so many different workflows depending on what you're trying to make. Keeps things from getting stale!

Speaking of differences, I feel like people don't tend to mention my coloring. :0 I think my line art usually steals the show, heh. I used to be a lot more conscious about color theory and shading when I was younger, but these days there's no thoughts, only vibes 😂

Ok the line, "even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it" hit me unexpectedly hard (in a good way). Any nice messages I get always means a ton to me, but while I don't seem to be able to articulate why at the moment, I think that line will stick with me for much longer than usual. Thank you so much ♥

---

Speaking more generally (this message just gave me a good excuse to talk, heh)- spoilers; the artist in my brain refuses to die. So after, like, a literal year of not touching it, I've started working again on a 3D modeling project that I started in 2021 that has been haunting me ever since. Been trying to redesign a robot OC of mine Rayner, and I'm really particular about wanting his joints to work in a physical space instead of bending the rules artistically. I'm Really bad at designing complex hard surface objects in flat 2D though. However, there's a reason artists tell you not to character design in 3D, and that's because it's slow, it's easy to lose design cohesion, and most importantly it just sucks, awful workflow. But I am Doing it. And while I was super stuck for years and almost developed a friggin phobia of the project, I am now Doing It. And it's actually working out this time. The 3D model itself is MILES from being done, but the design almost is, and while that's a boring end result for other people, it represents a huge milestone and accomplishment for me in many ways.

I've been drawing a little bit lately too! But I feel my social media hiatus has given me a healthier relationship with posting? Like I have a few doodles that I could either post now or post soon, but I don't feel the same pressure to anymore? Where even if I never post them, I think I'm fine with that. I've always thought I made art for myself, but that's not exactly true because I was also making art for the sake of sharing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I think being able to separate the two and be content with simply just creating is healthy. Also I'm still not as active on social media in general anymore which is probably healthier as well LOL.

So I'll prrrobably start posting again soon-ish now that I've broken this blog's posting silence? Not sure how to wrap this monologue up. My physical health problems are going to keep on probleming, but in terms of artistic fulfillment I've been in a much better place this past month, and that's a huge yeehaw from me 👍

[asgardian--angels]

I love your blog title. I love that when DJenks made his announcement this month, I went into the tags all morose and accepting defeat, and I saw you there still ready to fight, not giving up, ready for a marathon. Truly, that means SO much to me. A little bit of hope is a powerful thing to have, and we need people who are determined to keep that flame burning bright. So happy to have you in this fandom. You really do make a difference. 💕

Aw, thank you! I really appreciate it. And yeah, I'd almost forgotten about my blog title, which I've had for over a decade, and how hope really does embody me and everything I do.

The streaming landscape is in upheaval, things are changing by the week - even since our turbo-cancellation was announced, two other shows (cancelled for much longer) were saved. Like others have been saying, we were all mentally prepared for a marathon and realistically I don't think anyone can just call everything off after just two months when so many shows have to fight for years before getting a movie deal. I respect David - he told us that news so that we'd know that there's nothing more we can accomplish right now by shouting at streamers, and that we did make a difference. There WERE interested parties, we proved we were lucrative. But that does not mean the fight is over, it just means we need to change tactics and pivot to keeping the fandom active and vocal in the long-term, and bide our time until shifts in the industry open new doors for revisiting OFMD (like David Zaslav leaving, or Max going under, or another merger). That might be six months, or it might be six years. What I am certain of is that there's so much love and passion for this show from the cast and crew that everyone would be down to get the gang back together for a season 3 years down the road.

Basically, I have no doubts the fandom will persist - this fandom is composed of very enthusiastic and artistically talented people who have an unending well of inspiration to draw from. What I do think needs to be done though, that I'm seeing wane a bit on Twitter, is to ensure we direct that noise; most people have stopped using OFMD hashtags, which means our posts won't get noticed. Something that has been great is just how vehemently the fandom has gone after Max on pretty much every single promotional post they've made in the past few weeks - check any of them out, and you'll see 95-100% of the comments are OFMD fans using #DontStreamonMax and #FireDavidZaslav , plus the great new tagline 'Sell The Show, Let Us Go'. That is something that I feel is critical we keep up, as I think one of the most powerful means of influence we have right now is to hold this industry responsible for the cancellation of queer content and just quality content overall. That's one direction we can really put our might towards - toppling the WBD empire faster. Other things we can shout for are a physical release, 'The Jenkins Cut' of s2ep8, deleted scenes/bloopers, merchandise, etc. Max is being absolutely idiotic right now in a way that shoots themselves in the foot, because they're holding onto this IP that could have been their lifeline for keeping subscribers and stock prices up, and not only did they cancel it but they're not even maximizing on the rights they refuse to sell by promoting it or making merch of it, anything that could continue to bring in revenue for what they KNOW without a doubt is one of the best performing shows they've ever had on their platform. Them trying to forget OFMD exists is the nail in their own coffin, because it's the only reason a whole lot of people ever did business with Max in the first place.

So, the long and short of it is, I'll never stop having hope for the return of our show! David said we got the attention of this industry, and we've proven our worth. It's just a really unstable landscape right now, so we need to be patient. It's annoying to see these streamers invest in less successful and more expensive shows, but I think they're all panicking to stay afloat even though they're not making decisions that could help them there. The dust needs to settle. If we can show that there's still a loud and passionate fanbase in a year, in three years, then they will revisit us. We need to keep calling out WBD and Max, we need to keep using hashtags to be heard, and just try to settle into a rhythm that we can maintain long-term. We still have a bunch of BTS to see from Samba, and we will have WJW with David at some point. I think it's important that we DON'T request any season 3 info from him, because that's what jeopardizes the possibility of that storyline then ever getting made. I'm seeing some people on Twitter start to burn out or fall into a state of sad acceptance and if you need to do that for your health, that's fine. But I don't want that mindset to spread throughout the fandom. Our outlook, our words, do have the power to become reality - if we sit back and wave the white flag, then that seriously hurts our chances of ever getting the show back. But if we can carry on like it's just a season hiatus, continuing to demand the question 'ok so WHEN *taps watch*' then our insistence can help make season 3 a reality.

[kandismon]

Do you have any tips for those who wish to create a webcomic?

I do apologize if this has been asked before!

this is a pretty big question that would probably be easier to answer if you had any specific things you'd like to know about!

but i can give you a summary of general things i've learned over the years!

disclaimer: these are my personal experiences, if any of this sounds like something that doesn't fit your workflow or preferences, please disregard!

if you've never made a webcomic before, i would personally recommend starting small. do a short oneshot first to see how it feels instead of diving right into your multi-season 2000 pages big epic story, because i feel like the workload can get really overwhelming really fast if you go from 0 to 100 right away. some creators thrive on that but it was definitely not for me. i have a lot of failed and unfinished projects sitting around because i was too ambitious and didn't know what i was getting myself into. later on i started drawing short comics for various fandoms & ships i was invested in deeply, and those got progressively longer until i suddenly felt ready to seriously tackle one of my original stories again. which was when i finally started working on #MUTED!

don't worry about sticking to the strict 60+ panels weekly schedule that you see a lot on platforms like webtoon for example. unless you've signed a contract, you make the rules and decide how much and how often you post. i've seen a lot of creators burn themselves out over that when there really wasn't any need because no one was forcing or paying them to churn out so much all the time T -T) you can still find an audience and success with a slower pace (for example #MUTED was released with 2 episodes a month, 1 ep usually had around 20ish panels iirc)

finished is better than perfect. if you're a perfectionist this can be difficult to accept, but i promise most people won't look at your panels for longer than 1.5 seconds. some wonky lines here and there don't matter much, it's more important to get the feelings across imho.

vector layers (for inking) are your best friend \o/

imho having a pretty clear outline for your story can be really helpful and take away some stress, knowing where the story is going without having to constantly sit down inbetween chapters to come up with more plot is a blessing and i wish i had been better about doing that with #MUTED. i did have a rough outline but a lot of holes in between chapters and in the end some things i would have liked to explore more never got touched on because my planning was bad and i wasn't able to find the room in the story (like some emma back story, more about jasper's family dynamics, also a bit more of a deep dive into kai's relationship with his family) (also towards the end i felt pretty burned out and just wanted to move on haha) [i'm not saying to plan every scene right from the get go, there's always room to adjust and remove or add stuff while you're working on the project, but a few important anker points here and there are important, at least for me!]

shortcuts are also your best friend, use all of them. 3d models too!

when you start publishing, don't get discouraged by algorithms and statistics and numbers (i say as that's something i still struggle with daily LOL), agonising over these things is pointless because they're mostly out of your control, focus on things you can actively do to be proud of your work. also instead of comparing yourself to others, instead compare yourself to past you! look how far you've come compared to the you from last year :>

i hope any of this helps, sorry for rambling lol if there's ever any specific questions, my asks are always open and i'll do my best to try and help out!! i'm also still learning and don't consider myself to be a person who really has anything to teach to anyone, but i can share my progress and experiences and hype you up if needed, hehe

good luck with your comic!!

[gamer-comix]

listen. it's been nearly 10 years. im an adult. i've been an adult for a while. i want to be the adult here. i want to be the bigger person. i also really don't want to, like, start shit, since it doesn't update anymore and OP seems to have dropped off the face of the earth for a couple years at this point?

but im a petty bitch so, fuck it, i'll just give a vague cliff notes version essay lol whoops.

under a cut because this is a comedy blog and not everyone wants to read about my tragic past. so only read this if you want to. seriously. it's only funny in terms of the absolute shameless audacity on display but it's mostly just kind of a huge bummer

to be perfectly clear, this isn't some "someone was mean to me in 6th grade and i'll NEVER forgive her >:(" kinda deal. im not THAT petty. we were both adults when this happened. i think she's, like, three or four years older than me actually? so keep that in mind

[backstory]

so a few months after i started twewy-comix, one of my irl friends (WHO I WILL NOT NAME) made her own blog (WHICH I WILL NOT NAME) based on it, for another series (WHICH I WILL NOT NAME). we were close friends and had drawn comix for this series together before, with me drawing four or five characters for her (important). on top of that she had a "this is based on twewy-comix, im friends with the OP" disclaimer (important) so i was completely fine with it

said series had had a new installment earlier that year (while meanwhile twewy was kinda old and sequelless) so her blog did really well. like, 50-200 or more notes per post well. again, great! love to see my friends succeed. but it got to the point where despite the disclaimer, i was getting people on my comix going "omg is this ___ comix style?!" not great! that part was annoying but It Can't Be Helped so i shrugged it off. all was well.

[/backstory]

so yeah. we kinda started drifting apart (edit: i should mention we'd been friends for at least eight years) but still kept in touch pretty frequently. like, i really want to stress that things were totally fine between us. but one day im trying to send her a meme or some shit and realize she's blocked me, like, everywhere. no explanation, nothing hinting at a reason anywhere, just. huh. i didn't have a phone back then so i had no way of contacting her, and even though we live(d) in a small town i somehow literally never saw her again. to this day i have no fucking clue what happened. did she move? did she die? who knows!

what i do know is she kept running that blog for at least five years afterward. she kept the "im friends with twewy-comix" disclaimer up for a year afterward and continued using the stuff i'd drawn for her right up to the end.

i know it's just mspaint shitposts and Really Not That Serious. but it's the principle of things, man. she'd drawn characters for twewy-comix too but i at least had the decency to stop using those after this

and not to get personal but that year and the years after (and the years before too honestly) were really, really rough for me. i was pretty much completely isolated both IRL and online. so knowing that while i was going through such a miserable time (partly due to her), she continued to rake in fandom clout using my content is just. jesus. jesus fucking christ, dude. what the fuck?

tl;dr if i ever start making comix for that series again people are gonna be really, really confused

last minute edit: this isn't a callout post. like i said at the start this person isn't active anywhere anymore afaik so let's not make this into A Thing. this is more of a "this happened. is that fucked up or what?" post. im over the ghosting part, and the stuff that happened after is annoying but it's over and done with at this point. if they come back it's fair game though

[liz-allyn]

how can I get my fics to get attention like yours do? working your ass off and then getting 20 notes sucks. and I’m trying to become a better writer and honestly crave the validation like you get from your followers. hopefully you’ll see this! Obsessed with S&V

Hi my fellow 🖋️!

Thank you so much for your comment, and thank you for thinking so highly of me!

answers for fic writers after the cut

So honestly? I don't know how to get followers. This blog has been running since 2021, and I only started writing fic < 1 year ago. I've become so much more well known (ha) in the TASM fandom because I've hung out here a long time. I don't have a secret to engagement or understand how tumblr 'works' that well (ie the algorithm that social media sites use to decide what to put in front of you). There are still people I freakin' worship on this site who don't interact with my fics at all, haha. AND flip side, some of the best writers I've ever seen are on here and their fics have less than 100 notes. I have learned that persistently I'll look over into other peoples' yards and be like "fuck. how did they get 4K followers?" or like "wow, she just posted this yesterday and it has over 1k notes."

as for working your ass off and getting 20 notes—CAN CONFIRM: that sucks. some fics I wrote for fun. some fics I wrote for the creative challenge. but pretty much on all of them I've left a little piece of me, of my soul and the lessons i've learned in my meandering partial journey. blood on the keyboard. and those fics? the really great ones (or ones just as good as sugar and vice)? they still don't have many notes.

But I will acknowledge that my following dramatically increased when I started posting S&V. I think I had ~900 and that blew up to 1.5k. There are a few factors in this:

Always post fics with fic art (with gifs! if possible) - This is the number one thing that draws me to read fic. I like art that looks cool. I also have been playing around with Canva Pro for 3-4 years (it's my fav) and I'm animation-adjacent as a day job, so pushing myself to think about graphic design has been really good for me. I find it fun to come up with a whole aesthetic for your story, whether it's a mood board or a color scheme (I usually have 'branding' on the brain). If you don't want to play with fic art, at least find an appropriate gif. Use the actor's face. I also think the gif search on Tumblr sucks balls but it's really worth it to have the right gif.

Pay attention to the hashtags of other popular fics in your fandom - when I started paying attention to notes, this was the best advice. I was using all kinds of tags that made sense to me, but weren't effective. In the web version of Tumblr, I can search for a tag and see how many followers it has. It's significant if #peter parker x reader has way more followers than #tasm!peter x reader. Also trends come and go, tumblr has their hotboy of the month and it rotates. there have been months were TASM Peter was non-existent in the last year, and months where we're getting *fed*. Pro tip with tags: I have a separate Google Doc with a list of hashtags that I copy and paste to save time. After a while, you should try reblogging with different hashtags

Use a spelling or grammar checker - I'm not a grammar fac*st but if I open a fic and everything is misspelled, almost no punctuation is used, and I have to work really hard to understand your story, then it's not going to go far. (With respect to writers who post work in English, and it's their second language). I never pay much attention to the occasional misspelling or grammar mistake, but when it looks like you sent your fic via text message or tinder chat, I just can't. I personally use Grammarly, but I also hate it and think it's buggy and overpriced. If anyone else has a better option that works with Google Docs, let me know!

Never write your fics in Tumblr's post editor. That has nothing to do with engagement but that shit is buggy as hell.

Avoid putting too much text up front before the fic. I put author's notes at the end. I try to keep summaries short. I try to focus on what someone absolutely needs to know to understand this fic, and I *mostly* try to avoid apologizing to the reader ahead of time for what they're about to read, for it being too long, for it being weird, bleh bleh bleh

If you're writing a series, make people reblog to be tagged. I've seen lots of people do taglists and then they give up because it's a pain to manage (and it is), plus you have a bunch of people that go "add me to the taglist!" or "next part, when?" and they didn't even reblog what you've already written. I think that's been one of the really big factors behind S&V's success

Make navigation as easy as possible - this is web design 101 (which I flunked repeatedly), but a masterlist is good to have. If you're in a series, a link back to the previous chapter + next chapter is good to have, I've also recently started putting a link back to the masterlist. people that know more things about stuff than me told me that you want to make things as simple as possible for viewers to get from one page to another. (that's why youtube links are shit on tumblr, even videos are meh, but GIFs work so well and attract so much attention). this is a visual site, so big images or headings or links with color help to draw the eye's attention.

Write what you want to write. Because you really need to gain enjoyment from writing, and it should never feel like you're a content factory. Do this 9 out of 10 times. The 10th time, write what people want to read. My first mob fic was These Violet Delights which I thought was so smart, and I was so proud of, and I planned this whole series out for. But also I tag things accurately, and some people (even my moots) are uncomfortable reading about those topics. Then when I started S&V I was extremely self-critical because I didn't want to write something filled with tropes and cliches. And then I sort of got off my soapbox and let S&V be its own thing, full of tropes and cliches, because they're popular for a reason, and they're fun to read, and it's okay to have candy for dinner every once in a while. And I've been able to pivot my plans and create something I'm pretty proud of.

It does help to stay consistent in the fandom you're writing for. Either by writing or reblogging other writers. Just don't make yourself feel like you're a slave to Tumblr and you must stay active at all times f o r e n g a g e m e n t. Everyone should take breaks when they need to.

Don't listen to my advice because no one knows how to hack tumblr. There are some posts that have sooooo many notes and I'm like 'why?' Meanwhile, my heart's been ripped open in LED pixels on screen and sometimes it passes by.

I hope that this was useful! And if not, I'm sorry for the long post. I look forward to reading your fic (whoever you are), and feel free to tag me when you write your next thing!

💜

[docmedecal]

Hi~! Long post inc (or above, I haven't uploaded things on Tumblr in ages) I'm Kassandra (or Kas or whatever just don't call me late for dinner haha) and today was the one year anniversary of the medical side of finding myself (and everything else that's come with it) 2023 had so many challenging moments, but it was also the happiest year of my life and greatest time for my own personal growth and well being. I started HRT on Jan 18th 2023 (after a long internal battle with acceptance that sometimes spilled out into external conflict) and I have loved every day since. That's not to say there wasn't struggles with it, the couple months of feeling plateau'd, finding out my blood work wasn't hitting the desired marks and then finding out months later I was at the upper end of the hormone range and my levels were all great, and learning how to express myself confidently (therapy helps a lot too!) The past year has been a lot of trial and error (and lots of Amazon/Romwe crap clothes) to find my sense of self and how I wanted to express myself. I also had a lot of help from the loveliest person I know (more on them later though hehe~) and I've finally been able to be that person I always would daydream about being all throughout my life but never had the courage (or means) to do and be. I've learned that a lot of the "scariness" in the world that being semi-professionally terminally online would show me, while valid, was not the reality of things that I would face. I've dealt with conflict around my transition, as nearly all trans people do, like having to break ties with one of my closest friends of 14 years because he stated I was an "abomination" among other things. But I also found love and acceptance among many of my closest friends especially in my best friend who most likely couldn't tell you what any given letter in the alphabet soup is but supports me fully and talks with me daily. Surprising most of all is the middle aged women that come up to me every few times I leave the house and compliment my outfits (a shock from the assumption that I would face a slew of TERFs on the daily from any Reddit thread) and the neighbors of the home I moved into who have treated me as a women in every interaction. It's been a long journey from being a small kid sneaking into heels when my parents were gone to being in my Sophomore year of high school and seeing Against Me! where my dad explained to me that the singer had transitioned and I was shocked that was an option to the first appointment at my local Planned Parenthood so anxious about the blood draw that was the smoothest I'd ever experienced to the first little blue fem 'n m I took to the one I took a few hours before writing this. And I know that even if the rest of the journey is filled with highs and lows, I will love every second of living my life as the person I've always wanted to be.

2023 was also the year of reconnecting with an old friend @arrogantmrcnry (over a Tinder joke profile of all things) and having friendship transition (hah) into them being the best partner in the world and love of my life. Whenever my transition comes up, they tell me how proud they are of me and I tell them that I couldn't have done all of this (to the extent I have) without them always being there to support and love me I have had some of the happiest celebrations and holidays with them at my side this past year and gone on so many little adventures (and many more to go) There isn't a single person in this entire universe that I would have rather started this journey with. They always know how to tell what I'm feeling and exactly what to say to make my day better. Even if we'll eventually stop communicating verbally since we seem to make the same damn jokes in unison always haha. We've kept each other sane through moving in together and fixing up our home, yoinking a street cat together, and the general highs and lows of life. You are the greatest partner I could have ever hoped for and I'm so elated to one day be your wife 🖤

The Pre-E but not yet Post E-Girl Era (back when I used a foundation that gave me super bad breakouts) Still some of my most fun makeup sessions besides the ones with @arrogantmrcnry also let the love of my life pierce my nose so I could stop using $2 fakes that always fell out while taking pics 😂

Some extras I didn't really know where to place but more snapshots of the year (also the best son and street muskrat anyone could wish for!)

For 2024, I've set some transition goals to start getting laser on my face (one of my last real anxieties looking in the mirror) and work on some slight voice training so I can fully utilize and embrace my deeper voice in a more femme manner. I know that this will be another amazing year of learning to be me and love life~

[jade-of-mourning]

you know, it's absolutely wild to me that i first started publishing if she seems as lonely as me exactly three years ago. i was fourteen, the same age as the girl i was writing the perspective of, and nervous as all shit because i wanted it to be good so badly. i had literally never even been to high school at that point. i remember having exchanges with one of the few people i still talked to at the time, saying that i wasn't sure if i should even bother posting because i didn't think i had it in me to finish, because being alone all the time kind of wrought a weird tiredness upon me. and she encouraged me to just go ahead, because what the hell it's the internet, who cares — so i did! and i reread that four-month toil recently out of curiosity, and…

well, it held up better than i'd ever expected at the time haha. i genuinely thought that i would thoroughly hate it after less than a year, referring to it as teenage angst; but three years later, i find myself surprisingly fond. and yeah, in retrospect: there's a fair amount of cliche and coincidence and plot convenience in it that, if i were ever to rewrite it, i would probably shift to be more realistic. and after having actually been in high school for the past couple years, i know that high school life is not as empty and devoid of activity as i was portraying it to be. there's questionable word choices because i was absolutely the sort to write words based on their vibe alone, not on the actual definition, and sometimes the phrasing was clunky. but all in all, i'm actually kind of impressed with the emotional sincerity in my fourteen/fifteen year old self's complicated portrayal of bitterness and grief and healing, with not so many straightforward words.

and the most wild part to me is that there's a lot of people who enjoyed it and found meaning in it, back when i was still writing it and three years down the line. there are so many kind and heartfelt comments throughout its chapters that always make my heart flutter when i read them, and i still get them even now. it has 800 bookmarks in 2024 and that is genuinely insane to me every time i stop and try to visualize that as a room of people — 800 people who enjoyed it enough to mark it down and maybe return to one day.

despite its copious flaws, it's still probably the best thing i've created and completed as a whole in my relatively short time on this planet. and while i really do hope to surpass that soon as i slowly get back into writing and drawing, it'll always have a special place in my heart as the biggest 60k-accomplishment of my pandemic-ridden freshman self, who was trying very hard and didn't know shit. (i still don't know shit, which makes writing hard at times, but my current self puts somewhat more effort into learning during the process of writing.)