#i never moved on to different interests or find other hobbies like most people do

[lovepaintt]

I haven't been on here in forever and quite honestly doubt if anyone I used to talk to really remembers me now. But hello

[elysiansparadise]

Hey Elysian! I want to congratulate your completion of your Rising series; I've enjoyed all of the post. Just wanted to ask your opinion of all the rising signs. It doesn't have to be super detailed or long (although you can if you want), just your thoughts/opinions on all of them.

Excited to see your next plan!

Thank you so much love! I have many plans regarding future posts, including analysis of the risings of the composite chart! I would love to give my opinions regarding the risings. 🩷

I have already talked about Taurus and Sagittarius risings, so I will mention the rest!💞

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🤍Starting with Aries rising… I have great admiration for them, for me they are the faithful representation of resilience. I think that being ruled by Mars helps them have this strength to face everything that life has to give them. Many of them hide their pain and may be more stoic than they are given credit for. They fiercely protect those they love and never allow themselves to be trampled on by anyone. The ones I've met usually fall into the sexy category and are incredibly attractive [and they know it]. I think it is difficult for many of them to feel safe and free to be emotionally open, but within them there is a very giving heart and someone very attentive to the comfort and well-being of those they love.

🤍Gemini risings are a breath of fresh air for me. It is very interesting to have the chance to talk to them and spend time with them. They can be very perfectionists deep down behind their chill appearance. Curious and knowledgeable people who get bored when things become too monotonous, and they have that ability to turn the most mundane into something fun. They are people who adapt very easily to what life brings them and I admire the intelligence and common sense with which they move throughout life. Those I have met tend to have the ability to see a situation from different perspectives and I find that respectable. And they are incredibly charismatic!! I swear, whether they are extroverts or not, they have the ability to be funny, witty and very good at communicating.

🤍I feel very drawn and caring towards Cancer rising, that's for sure. I get along very well with them and I have enormous love for them. My best friend has this and I love her. They are very calm and observant people, and there is something about them that commands a lot of respect even if they do not intimidate others, rather it is the way in which they carry themselves. In my eyes they are responsible and very dedicated to everything they keep in their hearts, whether it be projects, people or hobbies. They are incredibly reserved with their emotions and are very intelligent when it comes to understanding themselves and others. They are very empathic and understanding and truly, very trustworthy, your secrets are safe with them.

🤍As I described in the rising series, I see Leo risings as people with a huge heart. They can be very giving with the people they love and very loving once they trust you. Intense and very passionate, both their emotions and their personality. They work very hard for what they want and are very dedicated people when they see that something is worth it. I am fascinated by how good life looks next to them, I feel that they seek to contribute positive things to the lives of those around them and I find that honorable. Attractive and charming. The authenticity of these people is something to applaud, they will never pretend to be something they are not, that's a fact.

🤍My loves Virgo rising, I love them. I'm a fan. I like them. They are my crush. Okay, but seriously, they are truly admirable people, very hard on themselves and with tendencies to overthink, but they have so many good qualities that I could do a whole page simping mentioning them. Intelligent and modest about it, they constantly expand their knowledge and when they know about a topic they speak with confidence about it. Blunt and very honest, they will tell you what they think without feeling the need to walk on glass. They are very accepting people who will never judge others for their differences and can often feel curious about people who are different from them. They are very logical when it comes to solving problems, which I consider very appropriate for maintaining a good relationship and atmosphere.

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🤍Libra rising people won't settle for less, never. They are people who highly value their time and energy and do not use it on just anyone. Of great emotional intensity, they do not mess with the feelings of others and do not let others mess with theirs. They are very ambitious people and can place very high expectations on themselves. A mixture of intelligence, cunning and intuition. They are excellent friends and can be very giving. They are very passionate people who constantly work on themselves and their relationships, they put a lot of energy into those they love. They are incredibly seductive and there is something very alluring about them. They like to share what they know and learn a lot from others.

🤍Many people I appreciate have Scorpio rising and I have a genuine appreciation for them. I love how mature they can be, great listeners, patient and very logical, there are so many things to admire about them. Many of them tend to have a great reputation when it comes to things related to passions or hobbies that they have and they take all of this very seriously, constantly seeking to improve and perfect their skills. Many of them may experience many hardships throughout their lives and it is admirable that they never victimize themselves in this regard, they live their grief and work hard to move forward. They are people who know how to love very beautifully and are also very devoted.

🤍Those with Capricorn rising learned to be stable for themselves and the people around them, it is difficult for them to rely on others but they will do their best to help and be there for those they love. They are caring and protective in a more discreet way. Many of them are often highly admired and respected in the fields in which they work. Many of them can be playful at heart and jovial as they get older. They can connect very well with people older than them and as they grow they can easily be mentors to younger ones. They give this appearance of being in control of their lives, of staying strong no matter what life throws at them. Many of them prefer deep conversations and getting to know the people they interact with in their entirety.

🤍Something that I will always admire about Aquarius rising is the guts they have to say what they think and be themselves without fear of what others say. They tend to be either very loved or very controversial and I find that duality very interesting. Contrary to what others say, they can be very stable when it comes to the bonds they form and I have experienced it firsthand. They can be very supportive and helpful people with those who are close to them, and they can also be deep down very sensitive to the suffering of others. They tend to stand out and attract attention without seeking it and many people can talk a lot about them. I have noticed that many of them tend to be very selective with whom they open up. They may think a lot about the future and worry about it.

🤍I haven't had the pleasure of meeting many Pisces risings, but the few people I know with this placement are very charming and have a very nice personality. I feel that these people try to be very understanding of other people because they would like someone to be that way with them, they are the true example of treating others how you want to be treated. Their intuition is truly strong and their creativity is a whole world that I consider worth exploring. They are not superficial and always seek to dive deep. They have very strong opinions and it is not easy to change their minds. And there is something about them, perhaps their aura or attitude, that gives you a lot of comfort and calm, often making random people talk to them about their lives even if they just met them. I have a friend with this placement and she's literally my safe place.

[estellesdoll]

◎ 𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 & 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 ݂ ᨸ ˙ 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐬. ˎˊ˗

summary: Chris’s concern for Y/N’s ice skating bruises leads to a loving exchange and a sweet kiss, showing just how much they mean to each other.

pairing: bsf!chris x fem!reader

warnings: fluff

word count: 2.6k

notes: My REQUESTS are open, but please remember to read my guidelines. If you want to remain anonymous, feel free to pick an emoji for yourself!!!! I'm also adding people on my TAGLIST.

TAGLIST | TAKEN ANON EMOJI | PINNED

Chris, Matt, and a few of our friends were all gathered in my living room, the air filled with laughter and the occasional burst of excitement as they played video games on my flat screen.

While they were completely engrossed in the game, I found myself more of an observer than an active participant.

I never really got into video games; they just didn’t hold the same appeal for me as they did for the others. But that only seemed to fuel Chris’s determination.

He loved trying to teach me how to play, insisting that I would get the hang of it if I just gave it a chance.

Time and time again, though, our attempts ended in me fumbling with the controls or misunderstanding the game’s objectives.

It became almost a running joke among us—my complete inability to master any of the games they loved. Yet, Chris never got frustrated.

If anything, my failures only made him more persistent, his enthusiasm never waning as he continued to patiently guide me through each level, always convinced that next time would be different.

"Chris... I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong? I can't even move my character around!" I exclaimed in frustration, my voice edged with exasperation as I stared at the screen, trying to make sense of the controls. My fingers hovered uncertainly over the keys, each one a mystery that I couldn't quite unravel. No matter how many times I tried, the movements of my character in the game seemed to have a mind of their own, completely out of sync with what I was trying to do.

But while video games didn’t catch my interest, I had a passion for something else entirely.

I preferred activities that got me out of the house and moving, connecting with the real world in a tangible way.

Sports, in particular, were what I loved most. Among them, ice skating was where my heart truly lay. There was something almost magical about stepping onto the ice, feeling the cold air on my face as I glided across the rink.

Even though it wasn’t always smooth sailing—many times I’d come home with some pretty harsh bruises from falls—I never let that stop me. Those bruises were just a part of the experience, a small price to pay for the sense of freedom and peace that skating gave me.

Ice skating wasn’t just a hobby; it was my escape. Every time I laced up my skates and stepped onto the ice, it felt like all the stress, worries, and negative thoughts from my day melted away.

For that hour and a half, nothing else mattered. The world outside the rink disappeared, and it was just me, the ice, and the rhythm of my movements. It was a time when I could focus entirely on myself, letting the worries of the real world slip into the background. That sense of calm, the feeling of being completely present in the moment, was something I treasured.

Skating showed me a new path, one where I could let go of everything weighing me down, even if it was just for a little while. It wasn’t just about the physical exercise; it was about finding peace within myself, something I desperately needed.

My friend Elise nudged me gently, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Hey, where’d you go?" she asked, her voice curious as she noticed I had been zoning out.

"I’m just going to head to my bedroom real quick," I replied with a smile. "I’ll be back in a minute. Do you want me to grab some refreshments while I’m at it?"

Elise’s eyes lit up at the suggestion. "Oh gosh, yes! It’s getting really hot in here," she said, fanning herself dramatically to emphasize her point. I chuckled softly, feeling the heat in the room myself.

"I thought I was the only one who noticed," I said, sharing a knowing look with her.As I stood up, I couldn’t help but think about how much I loved the cold, one of the many reasons ice skating was such a passion of mine.

There was something about the cool, crisp air on the rink that I found irresistible. I loved the way it chilled my skin, the way it made everything feel sharp and clear. I wasn’t a fan of the heat; in fact, I could barely stand it. The warmth always made me uncomfortable, almost suffocated.

Even at night, I couldn’t sleep if it was too warm—I’d toss and turn, longing for the coolness that seemed so elusive in the summer months.

As these thoughts danced through my mind, I glanced over at Chris, a soft smile tugging at my lips as I watched him, completely engrossed in his game. He was so captivated, his eyes glued to the screen, fingers deftly moving across the controller.

There was something endearing about how focused he got, how the rest of the world seemed to fade away when he was playing. It was one of those little things I loved about him—the way he could lose himself in something so completely.

I smiled to myself, feeling a quiet warmth in my chest that had nothing to do with the heat in the room. It was just Chris, being Chris.

I made my way to my bedroom, pushing the door behind me, thinking I had closed it fully. The room was a sanctuary, quiet and calm, a stark contrast to the lively energy outside.

Without thinking, I went straight to the closet, my fingers automatically reaching for one of Chris’s hoodies. The soft fabric felt familiar and comforting between my fingers, bringing a sense of ease just by holding it.

I grabbed a pair of leggings too, laying both items neatly on the bed, preparing to change into something more comfortable.As I began to undress, peeling off the clothes I’d been wearing all day, I suddenly winced.

A sharp, unexpected pain flared up as the fabric brushed against certain spots on my skin. The sensation made me suck in a breath, my hand instinctively moving to the sore areas.

It was then that I remembered the bruises, the ones I had stubbornly tried to ignore. Curiosity and concern mixed in my mind, urging me to check how bad they really were.

I stepped over to the mirror, standing in front of it in just my bra and panties. The cool air of the room brushed against my bare skin, contrasting sharply with the tender spots where the bruises had formed.

I looked at my reflection, turning slightly to inspect the damage. My fingers lightly traced over the discolored areas, wincing as I pressed too hard on one particularly dark bruise. The purplish marks stood out starkly against my skin, a painful reminder of the falls and impacts I had endured on the ice.

As I stood there, examining my body, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of frustration mixed with a strange sense of acceptance.

The bruises were just part of the price I paid for doing what I loved, but they still hurt, both physically and emotionally.

I sighed softly, my eyes lingering on the marks for a moment longer before I turned away from the mirror.

୨୧┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈୨୧

CHRIS

"That was awesome! Great game, dude!" I laughed, still high from the match. Matt gave me a congratulatory slap on the back. As the excitement in the room began to die down, I noticed Y/N was missing.

My smile faded as I looked around, realizing she hadn’t come back yet. I turned to the girls on the couch. "Hey, where’s Y/N?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

Elise looked up and smiled. "She went to her room for a bit. She said she’d bring some drinks back."I nodded but felt a bit uneasy.

It wasn’t like Y/N to just disappear without a word. I decided to check on her. "I’m going to see what Y/N’s up to," I said, heading toward her room.

Matt looked over, curious. "Where are you going?""Just checking on Y/N," I said with a quick smile. "She might need some help with the drinks."

As I walked to her room, I felt a growing curiosity about what she was doing. It wasn’t like her to just slip away, and I wanted to see if she was okay. The thought of spending a quiet moment with her made me smile. I approached her door, eager to find out what she was up to.

But as I approached her bedroom door, I noticed it was slightly ajar. I knew that peeking inside without knocking wasn'texactly right, but when I heard her quietly curse under her breath, my curiosity got the better of me.

I carefully moved in front of the door, opening it just a bit more, enough to see inside without revealing myself. Any guilt I felt about sneaking a look vanished the moment I caught sight of her.

She was nearly undressed, standing in front of the mirror, and the way her body flowed into all the right curves left me breathless. She looked absolutely stunning and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.

But then, as my gaze traveled over her, I noticed something that made my stomach tighten with anger-dark purple bruises marring her skin. I watched as she gently traced her fingertips over them, wincing slightly at the pain.

My heart pounded in my chest, a mix of desire and rising anger swirling inside me. What the hell happened to her? And who could have done this? The sight of those bruises stirred something fierce in me, a protective instinct I couldn't ignore.

I knocked on the door, then quickly stepped back, putting some distance between myself and the doorway.

"One moment!" she called out, her voice slightly breathless. I could hear the faint sound of clothes rustling inside the room, and after what felt like a long minute, the door finally opened.

She reappeared in front of me, a little out of breath, her cheeks flushed.

"Hi, Chris. Do you need anything?" she asked, her voice carrying a hint of surprise, as if she hadn’t expected to see me.

"Nothing, really," I replied, trying to sound casual. "I was just wondering where you went."

୨୧┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈୨୧

Y/N

As the night grew late, people began to say their goodbyes and head out. I walked them to the door, exchanging hugs and thanking them for coming.

When the last of our friends had left, I turned to Matt and Chris with a smile.

"Would you guys like to stay over? I can get the guest room ready for you," I offered, already thinking about the bedding and pillows I’d need to set up.

Matt quickly shook his head. "Oh, we don’t want to be a bother," he said, sounding a little hesitant.

"Nonsense!" I replied with a wave of my hand. "You’re not bothering me at all. I’ll have it ready in just a few minutes."

Chris caught my eye, a bright excitement lighting up his expression. "Sleepover!" he shouted, his voice full of enthusiasm as he nodded eagerly.

The rest of the night passed in a blur of fun and laughter. We ended up watching a couple of episodes of a show and squeezed in some more gaming before we all started to wind down.

When it was finally time to call it a night, I showed them to the guest room, handing them spare toothbrushes and towels. After making sure they had everything they needed, I headed to my own room, feeling the exhaustion of the day catch up with me.

I took a quick shower, letting the warm water relax my muscles, before slipping into bed, ready to let sleep take over.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, there was a soft knock on my door—the second one today. I cleared my throat, my voice still a little raspy as I called out, "Yeah, come in."

Chris slipped into the room, closing the door gently behind him. He looked a bit nervous, which made me sit up a little.

"Hi, Chrissy. How’s my favorite boy doing?" I asked with a tired smile. He chuckled softly and moved closer, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I’m good. Matt’s already passed out," he said with a grin, but his expression quickly turned more serious. "But, Y/N... are you really okay?" I frowned a bit, confused by the concern in his voice.

"Yeah, I’m fine. Why? Are you alright? Having trouble sleeping?"

"It’s not that," he replied, hesitating. "I’m just... really worried about you, but I didn’t know how to say it without sounding weird."

"Chris, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?" I said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. He looked at me, clearly struggling to find the right words, but finally took a deep breath. "When you went to change earlier... your door was open a bit, and I... I saw you."

I felt a warm blush creep up my cheeks as I processed what he was saying. I wasn’t sure how to respond, and the silence hung between us until he continued.

"And I saw the bruises, Y/N. Those really bad ones," he added, his voice filled with concern. I groaned, embarrassed, and quickly covered my face with my hands.

"Hey, don’t hide from me," he said gently, pulling my hands away. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You look incredible. I just... I’m worried. What happened? How did you get those bruises?" Chris kicked off his shoes and moved closer on the bed, his expression softening as he waited for my answer.

I met his eyes, knowing I couldn’t just brush him off. "It’s from ice skating," I admitted, feeling a bit awkward. "I was trying out some new moves, and... well, this happened."

He looked at me, surprised. "But I thought you quit skating last year?" I sighed.

"I didn’t really quit. I just... didn’t tell anyone. It’s the only thing that makes me really happy right now."

He looked a little hurt at that, his brow furrowing. "The only thing? What about me?" he asked, sounding a bit vulnerable.

I leaned in and kissed his cheek, trying to reassure him. "You make me happy too, Chris. After you, skating’s the next best thing." He smiled, his tension easing.

Gently, he pulled me onto his lap, his hands finding the sore spots on my body and massaging them carefully. I let out a soft moan of relief as his fingers worked their magic. He leaned in, pressing tender kisses to my neck. "It just kills me to see you hurt. Please, be careful, okay? You don’t deserve this."

"Chris, I’m doing my best," I replied, my voice soft. "But falling is just part of skating. It’s how you get better."

He sighed, his voice full of affection. "Sweet girl, I just wish I could be there with you. I’d catch you every time, so you’d never have to hit the ice."

His words felt so genuine that I couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him. As our lips touched, I got lost in the moment, letting everything else fade away until it was just the two of us in that tender, perfect kiss.

[lace-coffin]

Hello! Could you please write something about The Collector (Asa Emory) who falls madly in love with fem!reader who lives a very lonely life? At first the man begins to stalk the reader, but one day he still decides to kidnap her and brings her to his den in order to give her a happy life that she truly deserves. Thank you so much!🦋🌺💖

Asa Emory x lonely!fem!reader

Requests are open!

I really hope you like this! Thank you a bunch for the request I love writing for this silly little guy !

You could try convince yourself that your life wasn’t mundane but…let’s be honest. It’s the same in and out, wake up, drag yourself to uni running on a cup of shitty instant coffee, try keep your eyes open and focus on said lecture, grab something quick to eat on the way home and then rot in bed until it’s time to sleep and start the cycle all over again.

It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends, well not many but that’s beyond the point. You just don’t see each other much, always busy with university or work, god knows you don’t have the energy to meet up on your free days anyway. Keeping up relationships was always a struggle for you and it felt easier to just quietly drift.

Despite this you still get lonely, it can be an isolating existence when the only people you interact with daily are your lecturer and maybe the shop staff. Unfortunately narrating to yourself at home doesn’t count as company.

Little did you know that your lecturer had taken interest in you, he didn’t really have reason to in your mind, but to Asa you were different, reclusive and usually quiet, didn’t answer many questions but usually knew the answers when asked.

You stood out to him despite your best efforts to blend into the background noise of the class. Asa loves to dissect people like you, he finds there’s often more under the surface than you expect, maybe a reason for their timidness, or an unexpected shady social life. This is why Asa is currently keeping a good distance between you as you go about your day, lurking just far enough as not to raise suspicion but close enough to study you like a bug under a lens.

This was not the case for you. Asa couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, instead of some shady back alley business or home drama he just witnessed a depressingly mundane day. Maybe you would meet a friend after uni? Maybe you would come home to a lover? Maybe you would have a fun hobby? None of those things.

Asa watched through the blinds as you sling a microwave meal in and slouch at the table, resting your head on the cheap wooden surface and groaning in defeat. To be honest Asa was bored out of his mind, having been trailing you for the entire evening and witnessing nothing of interest. After you lay in bed and start having some kind of breakdown, Asa thinks he’s seen enough, deciding to leave.

Later in the evening Asa can’t stop wondering about you, surely you can’t be content living like that, a young women like you should be in your prime years, eating at cute cafe’s with your friends and partying on the weekends, right? At least that’s what Asa thinks the 20 somethings are doing these days, he’s to old for this.

This won’t do, it’s not like you’re an unpleasant person, always an angel in his lectures but keeping to yourself, the way you move to put your hand up to answer questions but pull it back in shyness is endearing to Asa. Sometimes he asks you anyway because he feels you deserve to be heard.

After a few weeks and a couple more days of watching you, you wake up contorted into a box. Fantastic. You go through the motions as all captives do, the hysterics, crying, pleading, fighting and bolting. Usually this part is the most inconvenient for Asa. He’s never threatened by it, knowing well that he’s the one in control. With you he can’t help but want to coo and tell you everything will be ok if you’re good for him. Maybe he’s getting soft. Or maybe you just have that effect on him.

Time passes, a few months maybe, and things are better. Your body has softened out a little from your masters insistence on you eating good balanced food, a healthy glow in your cheeks and a little extra fat on your curves. You still attend lectures at the uni only now you’re arriving with Asa and parting ways until class starts, not wanting to raise any suspicion. It turns out it’s a lot more helpful to just have your tutor at home if you get stuck with work, Asa loves teaching you anyway, getting to talk about his special interest to his favourite pet? Beautiful.

On your free days you visit restaurants and events together, the way your face lights up when you try a new yummy food or find a cute trinket tugs at your owner’s heart. Sometimes you think about how you could just run now and not look back, easily lost in the sea of people at the market, however the idea no longer appeals like it did months ago. Given the choice you wouldn’t want to leave anyway, tied to your master so deeply by now. Call it love or Stockholm syndrome, you don’t care anymore, your days finally feel more like a new opportunity and not a burden. You look forward to weekends again, Asa jokes an old man like him isn’t the best company but you wouldn’t want to spend the time with anyone else.

This is how it should be, how it should’ve always been. Asa thinks, as he unclasps your collar for the night. enjoying the pleasant hum you let out as he massages your neckline, rubbing his coarse hands over it gently, tracing the faint red lines the display of his ownership left behind. “Let’s get you to bed cricket” Asa says softly, scooping you up and depositing you onto your shared king bed. You waste no time in snuggling into his soft fuzzy tummy once he’s stripped off his day clothes and settled into bed. With one last chaste kiss to the forehead Asa leans over and turns off the lamp, draping his arms over you. “Goodnight cricket, I love you” “night sir, love u” you mumble back, already half asleep.

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Pls More general sfw headcanons of cooper and reader? Ghoul or pre war whichever you prefer honestly.

General SFW Prewar!Cooper Howard Headcanons 2

(I'll do some Ghoul SFW in a follow-up; this got away from me a little.)

Clearly he enjoys film and theatre, but he has a fairly secret soft spot for musicals. Pretty much any musical will pique his interest, and you'll spend a fair few date nights out seeing shows. You find it very endearing that he wants to share his interests with you. He's got an especially soft spot for some of the older, cheesier musicals though; hope you're ready to see "Brigadoon" like a half dozen times! He's got that one on tape.

"Old Yeller" is banned media in the Howard household (as are most things about dogs who die), as well as books like "The Velveteen Rabbit", which he read to Janey when she was four and never truly recovered from. Coop cries like a baby every time and gets so embarrassed. You once asked Janey if she'd ever seen it, and she tells you, rather conspiratorially, that she once watched it at a friend's house.

The old man actually cries quite easily when he's moved by something. He'll try to hide it away, but every once in a while he fully loses it (tbh it's the 'child death' type stuff that really upsets him; to this day, he's still a little mad at Barb for showing him "Bridge to Terabithia" on family movie night and thinking he would like it). You think it's the sweetest thing and you always reassure him that it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I imagine that, like a good, engaged father, he takes a particular interest in Janey's likes and hobbies; if you ask him what she likes, he can give you an entire list of things you can engage with her on, every single one of them accurate and up-to-date. If Janey really likes a book series, he'll read it (or maybe listen to it if he's short on time). If she really likes a band, y'all have fun at the concert! Every group comes through LA so you may be going to several concerts a year eventually. He even knows who her favorite member is! He only falls in love with you more when you do the same with her.

He's a true romantic at heart; despite being really torn up about the divorce and thinking he'll never fall in love again, he does, and hard. It's not long before he (unbelievably, to him especially) finds himself wanting to propose. He waits a while, though, wanting to feel out the dynamic between you and Janey, worrying about how Barb will feel when she ultimately finds out. He doesn't want to be married to her anymore, but he still cares for her, and he doesn't want to hurt her.

I'd like to think that he and Barb had a pretty nice, large wedding (as I've said before, likely at an older age than many of their peers, even if, canonically, it seems they were already dating during Cooper's military service; they both strike me as the type to want to wait until they were better established to actually marry). Not anything too crazy, but since Cooper's career was really starting to take off, she did want to use the wedding as an opportunity to rub elbows, so there were quite a few people in attendance that he flat-out didn't know. It didn't bother him much at the time; Barb always loved an opportunity to network and Coop could never deny her anything. But, given a chance to do it over, I think he'd do things differently.

With you, he'd wanna go to the courthouse. He'd be happy to have a nice, private ceremony eventually, maybe a little vow renewal for your one-year down on the beach in Mexico or something. But when you get legally married it'll be at the courthouse, just the two of you and Janey. You wouldn't have it any other way.

You try your best to keep it under wraps, but, well...marriage licenses are a matter of public record, and there are people whose whole job is to unearth things like that. The fallout (ha) from it may be stronger than you anticipated, but, at the end of the day, you have one another, and you're happy with that.

[hana-no-seiiki]

COMME ON FAIT SON LIT, ON SE COUCHE.

⟣┄─ ˑ 𝐈. ✧ PAIRING: YAN! NEUVILETTE x SCUM! READER (ft. yan! other characters + mystery major pairing)

⟣┄─ ˑ 𝐈𝐈. ✧ TW/CW: Typical Yandere Themes: Stalking, Delulu, Yun’s vv broken French. Canon Divergence.

⟣┄─ ˑ 𝐈𝐈𝐈. ✧ SYNOPSIS: When given the power to flood the world with your admirer’s tears and skip work, who were you to reject it? | This happens prior to the Archon Quest

dedicated for le sims ( @o-tears-o-tides ) , aka the object of my platonic love and affection. happy birthday employee!!

Fucking with Neuvilette was your lifestyle. Figuratively that is. You wanted him to work harder if you were to provide him with the more literal definition of the term but regardless —

— making him suffer was your favorite hobby.

You held the prestigious role of documenter at the esteemed Palais Mermonia, where the dramatic tale of "Furina's Courtroom Crying Sessions" unfolded under the watchful eye of Neuvilette. In addition to chronicling these legal theatrics, your literary talents blossomed, weaving novels and insightful commentaries based on the trials you meticulously transcribed. This dual creative and professional endeavor earned you a devoted following throughout Teyvat and established influential connections with prominent figures across the nation.

Your relationship with Monsieur Neuvilette started off differently than what many would assume. Those privy to your early interactions could discern an undeniable enchantment on your part towards this man. Undoubtedly, he exuded an aura of elegance, elevated prestige, and an unwavering work ethic, all of which captivated admirers across the spectrum of society. His demeanor possessed an intoxicating allure for young ladies and gentlemen alike, leaving an indelible mark of respect and awe upon those fortunate enough to witness it.

“Monsieur Neuvilette.”

You greeted him with a slight bow, resisting the urge to smile at his presence. He reminded you a bit of someone from back home. A man that you’d do anything to receive a single praise from.

“Ah, Mx. [Y/N] to what do I owe you the pleasure?” He looked up from his documents. He too had to resist the urge to beam at your form. After all you were one of if not the only person he felt like he could never have enough time with.

“It’s just that I thought you’d be home by now. In any case I have this coffee a friend gave me but I can’t drink it . . .” You looked to the side, breaking off eye contact from your superior. He would have frowned at the action had it not been accompanied by a sweet gesture of yours. You always excused your good deeds with some nonsense about self-interest but he knew you well enough that he could see through it all.

“Thank you.”

Then, you realized that it rained whenever he felt sad.

And when there’re intense rains there would be no work.

And when there was no work, you could stay at home or go out and do whatever the hell you want.

Also he liked you and whatever but that was besides the point! You could slack off and fulfill your sadistic needs.

And so began your journey to find what made your senior co-worker tick. Most of the time it was when you gave other people your attention ( aside from Furina for some reason ). A single headpat towards either Freminet or Lynette caused some light rain. Rejecting his advances caused the skies to stay blanketed for hours. Whenever you were absent it poured cats and dogs.

And lastly, when you and Lyney were practically fucking with words it was as if the Raiden Shogun herself was here to cry alongside him.

The man practically saw you as more valuable than the water he drowns himself with.

It was all you ever wanted and more.

Despite your excessive amounts of free time, you still found yourself to be stressed and tired. Due to your high profile job and connections, it was a must to move from place to place frequently as to avoid paparazzi among other dangers to your health and privacy.

You were planning to check the Fortress of Meropide that day to . . . have a date with Lyney. Don’t look at me like that! You two are the ones with the weird taste in scenery.

“Oh! Your Grace. How do you fare?” You bowed politely. You could feel the glare from the magician beside you burning as bright as his vision.

The man was a menacing person from looks to begin with, but there were also other reasons you often felt something crawl up your spine whenever you two met.

He always stared at you like you had done something wrong. When he was the former criminal between you two! Really, what a crude man. His trial was one of the biggest hits of your career so at least you had that to owe to him.

You still remove the chills you felt when he simply admitted his guilt.

“Mx. [L/N]. I was told to deliver this to you.”

“Oh? I didn’t know that the Duke of Meropide also worked as part-time delivery men.”

“Trust me, this is works for my own self interest more than the sender.”

You gave him a pointed look. Well those words didn’t seem suspicious at all. You shrugged as you examined the object. A letter. Cold pressed paper — the expensive kind too, bound together by stamped blue wax and what seemed to be a miniature lakelight lily.

Inside — in the most elegant cursive you’ve ever seen — was . . . a poem. It read as follows;

Ma gouttelette du ciel,

Telle une étoile dans la nuit,

Ton amour est mon miel,

Dans ton regard, tout est infini.

Tes sourires, doux rayons du jour,

Illuminent mes jours comme un phare,

Dans ce monde, tu es mon seul séjour,

Ton amour est ma plus belle fanfare.

La tendresse de tes mains,

L'éclat de ton rire mélodieux,

Sont pour moi de précieux biens,

Qui éclairent ma vie, radieux.

Ma gouttelette du ciel,

Dans ton amour, je m'égare,

Ton essence est mon miel,

Chaque moment avec toi est un phare.

It only took one line for you to recognize Neuvilette’s work. His water tasting hobbies was somewhat common knowledge to the public, and Lyney was less of a poem man and more of a showy partner.

And so, after making sure his eyes were on you, you ripped it apart.

“That’s a bit too harsh is it not?” Lyney spoke with a nagging tone, yet his eyes were filled with the utmost delight.

“Monsieur Lyney. You know of its contents? Has your father ever told you not to pry into other people’s business?”

“Perhaps. But we’re friends aren’t we? Friend’s don’t hide anything from eachother.”

You sighed. You hated it when he knew where to hit. “. . .Then can you do me a favor and use your vision for its disposal?”

“My pleasure.”

Orange flames barely appear for a moment before it is doused by the sky’s tears. But even then it was enough to destroy the letter.

“Your Grace—“

The clock was ticking.

A few months after you’d heard his screams, you found out that the traveler would be arriving to their next destination soon. There was only a small fragment of a moment to lose for preparation. The rain was getting unbearably strong. You could not count the amount of times you’ve had to replace your umbrella.

In any case, you had invited Charlotte for a chat at the cafe. Partly because of her vision which helped with the rain, and mostly because you wanted to gossip with her as you usually did when slacking off.

Those works of yours outside of your actual career at the Palais Memornia don’t make themselves after all.

“Rumor has it that young women of have been disappearing of late. Do you have any clues on this phenomenon yet, Charlotte?” You leaned unto the table. Your signature smug smile on your lips as you presented your question to the young lady.

“Not yet. Wait — aren’t I the journalist here? Why are you asking the questions? Don’t tell me you missed another deadline again.”

“I just want to get ahead on my writing. The Steambird must have gotten a lead, no?” You dipped on your tea as you spoke, gaze directed at its reflection of your face and the dark skies above.

“So you can slack off some more?”

“T’was what my doctor had prescribed. I need to take care of my mental health too, yknow.” You smiled, poking your cheek in a cutesy manner.

This was no good. You were getting nowhere in your investigation and your anxiety bit at you as time could only pass by. You bit your nails. What would he do? How would he bypass such a situation? Oh, how useless you were without him.

“[Y/N]!”

You almost don’t react to that name as you were overtaken by your thoughts. It seemed that you spent too much time worrying that Charlotte wasn’t even at your side anymore.

“Ah, Lady Furina. How may I be of service?” You stood from sit in a jolt. You were guilty of looking down at the archon from time to time but appearances must be kept in public.

“I came to personally escort you to Palais Memornia. We have a case that requires your presence.” She coughed. An unusual shaken demeanor on her. Not that she was a completely confident person all the time, but this look on her particularly screamed fear.

But what would an archon be afraid of?

“Urgently.”

“A case? But with this rain. . . surely — “

The rain abruptly stopped and with its sounds disappearing, a deep voice makes its way into your ears.

“It is yours, [Y/N]. You’re under arrest for suspicions of colluding with the Fatui.”

“Monsieur —“

He looked away from you before you could finish your call. You feel metal touch your skin as none other than Wriosthesley himself puts cuffs around your wrists.

“Stay put, Mx. [Y/N].”

You eyed the Iudex from beyond the ‘glass’. This chamber had not existed the last time you visited the Fortress. Yet here it was, almost an exact same replica of your room — yet it did not feel like home at all.

You supposed Fontaine in its entirety was not home at all.

“You framed me.”

You were lazy. Incompetent even. But you would never collude with those miscreants.

At least, those were the lies you fed yourself in order to feel better about the betrayals you made in a day to day basis.

You could imagine the looks on your colleague’s faces. Would they be surprised, neutral, would they even care at all? Or would they be so utterly hurt by your actions that they fall into a spiraling abyss of despair?

You yearned to witness it all.

“All you had to do was to accept me.” His gloved hand touches the material between you two, a ripple forming from his touch. You were surrounded by what seemed like primordial water.

“I would have forgiven your sins. I would have made you be reborn anew. Innocent and pure as water.”

The water parted for a brief moment but you do not dare do anything foolish. You stayed put, remained still as Neuvilette reached through, and allowed the dragon to drag his thumb across your jaw and lips.

“All you did was push me away.”

And then — he pulls your head through the opening.

You close your eyes. One smallest movement would have your neck turn into foam.

“[Y/N], ma gouttelette du ciel.”

Perhaps, you had no need to see all the other’s fall into hopelessness. After all, the man who put the most trust and adoration into you was right here with you.

If only you were able to empathize with him. If only you were able to return his feelings and live a fulfilling life filled with love.

If only you weren’t cursed to feel nothing for him at all.

“Comme on fait son lit, on se couche.”

After all, what the Doctor wills is what the patient gets,

and if you must sleep in your deathbed this day and suffer the Iudex’s judgement — then so it shall be.

⟣┄─ ˑ IV. ✧ DIVIDER

[ TRANSLATIONS ] [ MY FRENCH IS VV RUSTY SO PLEASE TELL ME IF THERE ARE BETTER REPLACEMENTS/TRANSLATIONS FOR THESE] :

Ma gouttelete du ciel- My droplet from the sky/heaven/my droplet of heaven etc.

Comme on fait son lit, on se couche - You made your bed, sleep on it / You dug your own grave.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not texting my friend?

To be clear I have no intention of cutting off this person, I will not block or ghost them, and if they text me I WILL answer and not be dry or lame about it.

I just won't be the one to start any conversations.

Moving on:

The story is super complicated but I'll try to keep it coherent.

Three people in the story (fake names):

Me (20)

Alex (16) - friend

Luck (16) - younger sibling We are all the same gender.

Something to keep in mind about me: I have always been very sheltered, naive and distracted, people have told me so and the more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. So I have very little experience, perception and knowledge of worldly things. This makes it difficult for me to keep up with people my age and I spend most of my focus on stories I like to write. It's not an excuse for anything and I'm actively working to be better.

Something that doesn't contribute much to the story but may be nice to know: Pretty much everything happens online, I've only met Alex in person like 4 times for birthday parties and stuff.

Now the story: I met Alex three years ago during covid when I was doing school online (I was 17 and Alex and Luck were 13). I was introduced to Alex through my younger sibling. Luck added me to a group chat with a bunch of their classmates, and I got popular really fast. Alex took a particular liking to me, because they thought i was funny and we had many of the same hobbies. So Alex was the first of Luck's friends to start a chat with me directly. Alex was always online and so was I, so we ended up talking alot, like all the time. I noticed Luck got kind of jealous, and that was when I began to wonder if the friendship was right, but I did nothing about it.

Eventually Alex and I started writing a story together, it's something I try to do with all of my close friends and we got really into it. A big rule that I have is that the real world and fiction are separate, under no circumstances are they to entertwine, especially emotionally (ex. I have never and will never insert myself in a story or daydream, not even if reality sucks for me at that time) Alex was different, they got attached to the characters. So there I am, obsessed with progressing the story's plot, and I kill off one of my characters. Alex expresses discontent, but not much. It's through Luck that I find out later that Alex had been crying about it for days. I felt bad and brought the character back, and life went on.

A year and a half into our friendship and Luck seems to have gotten over her jealousy, while Alex and I spend more time writing and focusing on the story than anything else. There are some signs in the rare times that Alex and I talk about life that it become apparent that Alex is going through a rough time, but I don't think too much about it since the story is all that's on my mind. On top of this there's school and whatever.

One day Alex starts asking for breaks from story writing and plotting, and I agree without a fuss. It gets me thinking a bit more, and after a couple more days during a conversation about the real world Alex sends a long paragraph about how horrible things are. (I won't explain what exactly these horrible things were for privacy reasons) Now I realize how inconsiderate I've been so far and I tell Alex that I'm there to support them in whatever they need. I spend pretty much all of the next year texting them every hour of every day and this is what happens:

At the beginning of our friendship our conversations flowed wonderfully, we shared our achievements and showed genuine interest in each other's lives. But things changed and by this point In the story our conversations go like so:

Me: (asks a question) Alex: (responds) Me: (reacts to response) Alex: (dry response) -Repeat infinitely-

Aside from that we would always say goodnight and Goodmorning to each other.

One time. Only one. Alex texted me asking for help and I didn't see the message until hours later. I never really forgave myself for that.

At this point I'm 19 and Alex is 15, and it suddenly crosses my mind how our friendship might be perceived by others. I considered Alex another younger sibling, but with all the crazy things happening in the world I wondered what others would think. In the end I concluded that Alex needed me and it didn't matter. So life goes on. My entire life revolves around helping Alex, when I'm not texting them I am worrying, my own problems come second. My whole family thinks I'm addicted to my phone. I'm always tired and stressed. The stories were put on pause.

Time passes and soon I'm turning twenty. I'm starting to think I can't do it anymore, our friendship has turned kind of codependent (I didn't even know what that was until a month ago). I consider ghosting many times, changing my number, blocking, but only for a couple minutes at a time and I always hate myself for thinking it afterwards. I keep talking to Alex, but sometimes I'll answer a bit slower. Let them wait 3-5 minutes instead of 1-2, if I really steel myself I can hold back for 7 minutes.

One day without warning Alex doesn't text me at all. They've dissapeared before but never without sending a quick message to let me know about it, not until this day. Their status also worries me, only one word: "gone". There I am internally freaking out, losing it, trying to come up with reasons for which everything is fine. I don't ask Luck if they know anything because I know they'll get annoyed. It's not until late the next day that Alex lets me know they went a roadtrip. I tell them "I was worried lol" and immediately they ask why. I wasn't expecting an apology but the question struck me as weird, so I was reluctant to answer. Alex pushes for an answer, they haven't been this interested in what I've had to say for years. I with horror I realize that they liked that i was worried, they wanted to milk it as much as they could. I understand that people need validation, but I was already constantly complementing Alex and telling them how important they were. The fact that they preferred my panic (though in Alex's defense I never told them I was panicking) hit me hard. I didn't elaborate on why I was worried. Alex got upset. And i spent the next hour sobbing over my phone, realizing i needed some distance.

I started slow. I wouldn't say goodnight somedays, others I would forgo a Goodmorning, but I always answered (I swore to myself never to leave Alex on read). I went on a trip and I decided I would enjoy it for once, so I let Alex know i couldn't text much. Nevertheless this lack of contact didn't keep me from worrying and wondering endlessly.

After the trip we kept texting less, we expressed missing each other but neither of us did too much to keep things going. I tried to focus on my in-person relationships, and friendships with people my age. I went back to stories and published a novella.

Nowadays Alex and I talk maybe once every week and a half. The conversations are excruciating. Alex tells me how things still suck, my usual words of comfort seem to mean nothing to either of us anymore. Alex leaves me on read as soon as the conversation goes dry, usually after ten minutes worth of conversation, sometimes over the span of many hours. We don't talk again until I cave in and say hello. Then a couple days later Alex says hello. And then it's up to me again, and every time I tell myself I won't do it.

Luck has told me their opinion of Alex, they saw way before I did how self-centered Alex is. The thing is Alex doesn't do it on purpose, I am entirely sure of that and so is Luck. Luck treats Alex nicely but they're out of touch, more than I am. I am not mad at Alex. I still care deeply for them, but I feel like there's nothing I can do andour old dynamic just hurts both of us. Cutting them off is not an option, they're just a kid and I'm better than that. So I just don't start a conversation.

A couple days ago Alex texted me (even though it was my unspoken turn to text first) and we talked, and the conversation wasn't dry at all, and it wasn't that painful to deal with. They showed interest in my life and shared some sad stuff but also happy stuff about theirs, and it felt like old times. We texted the entire day. At one point the they mentioned that I could text them whenever I wanted, and I felt an underlying petition that I do. The conversation went on and eventually they left me on read the next morning when I answered a message from the night before.

Ever since then I've been actively holding back from texting them but I can't help but wonder if I'm a jerk for it.

These aren't even all the factors but this post has gotten too long lol.

So AITA?

[goratrix-betrayed]

Living as a Fictive: How to Find, Create, and Broaden Your Identity, With and Without Canon

Here is the script of my Othercon 2023 panel. The paragraph I wrote to describe it is as follows:

A lecture followed by questions and discussion about being a fictive trying to find and expand your identity. How to connect with not only your source, but the world around you, and how to work on becoming who and what you want to be without canon's constraints.

Introduction

Greetings, assembled people, creatures, and beings of Othercon. Welcome. As you likely know, this is a panel about living as a fictive, and forming an identity around, or perhaps despite, that. I welcome anyone to listen, however, as Othercon is a place to not only learn about yourself, but to learn about others and to interact with the community. Regardless, I ask that you hold your questions until the end, at which point there will be a dedicated section of time for them. I cannot answer questions effectively during the panel, as I am both easily distracted and long-winded, which is a recipe for going overtime and off-script.

A note on terminology before we begin: I am aware that there are multiple words that mean the same or similar things to the word “fictive.” For simplicity’s sake, I will just be saying “fictive” for the duration of this panel, as that is my lived experience and the word I feel most comfortable using. Additionally, I may refer to other members of a system as “headmates”--again, I am aware that there are many words for this, but I will generally use this one as it is fairly widespread and I use it for my own system. If, during the Q&A, you have a different word you would rather I use for your system members when referring to them, you need only ask, and I will adjust my language accordingly. For now, however, “headmate” is the word I will be moving forward with.

That aside, welcome. A brief introduction: my name is Goratrix. I am a vampire, a fictive from the tabletop role-playing game Vampire: the Masquerade. I am one of  many canon characters—characters pre-created for game masters to use in the games they run for their players as they see fit, with some pre-written lore to help establish both the character and the setting. When it comes to this world, I have been here since August of 2021, coming into existence during Othercon itself, in the midst of a panel that convinced my system that it would not be so bad to have me around. (Thank you very much to Pale, who ran the panel.) Last year, during Othercon 2022, I ran a panel about living with having a “problematic” fiction-based identity—the script and recording for that are both available for your perusal if you would like. And, if you are wondering: yes, I always talk like this. You get used to it. 

The Why of Identity-Building

Now, the topic at hand: being a fictive can be a confusing and lonely thing. We have much in common with fictionkind, but there is a crucial difference: while someone who is fictionkind has an identity and life outside of that fiction-based identity, in the very beginning, fictives typically do not. For most of us, the experience is rather like being plucked from your life and placed into the head of someone else—in my case, an at-the-time college student—with no understanding or awareness of where you are, what is going on, why, or, the worst question of all, what you are supposed to do now.

Take a breath, let it out slowly. We will figure this out together. It is a journey, yes, but it is uniquely yours, and the advantage to that is that it’s quite difficult to get wrong.

In short, my recommendation is this: understand yourself in the context of either canon or canon-divergent noemata, grow as comfortable as you can with that, and then expand outwards. Find or forge new aspects to your identity, find new interests and hobbies, participate in things you never would or could have back in-source. Engagement with the outside world is key to not feeling lost. If you lock yourself up in the identity that has been handed to you, if you insist upon remaining stagnant, as you were when you formed, you are, more often than not, setting yourself up to be miserable. This is not an accusation: I, and many of my headmates, attempted the same thing, and only began to enjoy ourselves once we started reaching out and opening up to the world and people around us.

It’s infuriating to realize that it works, but it really does.

It is, ultimately, your choice whether or not you want to grow beyond what has been set out for you, beyond what you are and were back in-source. The rest of this panel will be moving forward with the assumption that you are choosing to do so, or at least, that you are willing to listen to how that might be done while considering it yourself. Personally, I do not see much harm in personal growth and development, even if it is “out of character” or outside the bounds of what others would consider to be “canon you.” You are wholly fictional no longer, and should not let the bounds of fiction confine you. Do not let yourself be trapped by others’ expectations of you: if they want to interact with a wholly canon-compliant version of you, they should try roleplaying. You owe no one any part of your identity, and anyone who tries to box you in should be ashamed.

By all means, use canon, or your noemata—your memories—as an anchor if you so desire. Many fictives find this comforting. It is your point of origination, your source, where you are from: it is perfectly reasonable that you would want to keep that as a core part of you. I am not suggesting casting off canon unless that is what you want to do, and that is your choice. If you choose to do so, I would advise doing so slowly, in pace with you picking up other aspects of your identity if you feel yourself lacking, for fear of leaving yourself so empty that you do not know what to latch onto. Once again, however, that is your choice: I trust that you will do what you think is best.

Now, identity-building when you have found yourself in a strange world, sharing a head with strange people, can be quite difficult, especially if you have no aspects of identity outside of your source. I have talked about why you may want to grow beyond that, become something else or more. We now reach the how.

Step One: In Context

Older and more established fictives may be able to skip this step, as chances are, you have been doing it already. Many newer fictives also embark on this part of the journey, but not all, so I will walk you through it. The first step of broadening your identity, unless you are choosing to cast off your source completely and immediately, is to do so in context of your source, whether that be canon or your version of it. Doing this will help you flesh yourself out, if you feel it is needed—ask anyone with a fiction-based identity, and most will tell you that engaging with source is an excellent way to connect to the identity. You may remember pieces of your history, things you like, skills you had or may even still have—there is often a wealth of identity to be drawn from your source if you go digging. This may not work for everyone, but it does for many, so I believe it is usually worth a shot. At the very least, doing this digging and engaging with your source lets you get used to the idea and process of identity broadening and exploration in a safer, more comfortable way—your source generally will feel less like a frontier and more like dipping your toes back into the pool.

My first recommendation of this is just to engage with your source—watch it, read it, play it, whatever lets you interact. Most of all, I recommend writing about it. Anything you remember directly—any noemata you have—even things you “just know” without a direct memory. Write about your feelings on it, the people in it, the things you did and the events you witnessed. Writing helps you work through your feelings on a topic in a way that lets you reference them again later. Maybe you turn it into a post for your blog or website, maybe it becomes an essay, maybe it is simply a journal entry for you and you alone. Whatever you decide, I highly encourage that you engage with, or at least think about, your source, and write about it.

Personally, I worked out many of my apparent contradictions and issues with myself by simply going, step-by-step, through the things that bothered me. My early writings on the Fictionkind Dreamwidth detail the atrocities I committed in-source and why, what on Earth my reasoning was. If I had not done this, I do not know if I would have ever reconciled what I was supposed to be with who I was, and who I had to become to live with myself once I had exited the context of the harsh and cruel world I came from. Take your time with this; do not rush. You are not in a race. The time will pass regardless, so you might as well let it pass pleasantly and with little pressure.

My next recommendation is to seek out noemata in general. For those unfamiliar with the word: noemata, singular noema, describes any kind of source memory you may have, whether that be a specific moment, a scene, a smell, a sense, or ‘just knowing’ a fact without any moments or instances to back it up. The two best ways to do this that I know of are to engage with canon (to prompt your mind to “remember” what it sees, although this can produce false memories) or to do as many (usually mundane) things as you can in the hopes that you will trip a memory trigger. Neither method is perfect, and there are other tips for getting and finding noemata out there—if anyone listening has resources for that, please, feel free to link them in the chat.

Finally, I would recommend reaching out to and talking to sourcemates, whether or not they share your exact canon. I know many fictives are not comfortable with sourcemates, nevermind doubles, but if you are, I cannot stress enough how much better you can feel after talking to them if you get along. I do not know where I would be today without my boyfriend Chaiya in the Treehouse system—in our shared early days of being fictives, that summer and autumn of 2021, we were lost and untethered, and latched onto each other in an attempt to anchor ourselves. We are much stronger for having had each other, and are extremely close, and I do not see that ever fading. Chaiya helped me work through my issues with my identity, smooth out the wrinkles and accept who I am over who I “should be,” and vice versa. Without Chaiya, I doubt I would have ever engaged with the alterhuman community directly, so my thanks goes out to him—without him, this panel would not exist!

Sourcemates are extremely helpful because they understand. Many of them know the context of the world, so you do not have to provide it. They know what happened, who everyone is—they understand why you may feel the way you do about things, why topics might be complicated, et cetera. They are less likely to have to ask basic questions, and together, you may discover things about yourselves and each other. Doubles—fictives of the same character—are even more understanding in many ways, although I understand the possible distress of meeting one. I never have, I doubt I ever will—my friends and I are not terribly popular characters in the grand scheme of Vampire: the Masquerade or the broader World of Darkness—but my head- and sourcemate Sascha Vykos has. She is also in the Treehouse system and goes by the name Ashena, separating herself somewhat from the name of Sascha Vykos—but, still, she and Sascha are the same in many ways. They understand each other implicitly, often without ever having to say anything on a topic other than to bring it up, and they understand. There is a level of identity-diving and forming that can be reached only by someone who understands you wholly and completely, and a similar double is a good resource for that, if you can find one and if you are comfortable with it. If you cannot or are not: that’s fine. It is by no means a requirement, simply a recommendation. 

Step Two: Things to Do

Beyond engaging with your source material, to expand your identity, you will need to engage in other activities. Form an interest in something, get a hobby, give yourself some enrichment—or, in a more joking manner, roll a pumpkin full of meat around your enclosure. Now, while meat pumpkins may be an appropriate form of engagement for some more inhuman fictives, for the rest of us, we would get bored quite quickly, and need to find other activities to occupy us.

Why do activities? Why have an interest? Well, as a living (at least at the moment) and thinking creature, you need something to think about. And thinking about yourself and your source will only last you so long; eventually, the thoughts will become mundane and well-tread to you, and to maintain a level of activity and happiness, you will need something to engage your mind and that thing is typically going to be something you enjoy, often an activity. The idea is to give you something that you want to front or co-front to do or be present for, so that you are around in order to experience the world, form likes and dislikes, and grow as a person. This is the next step, and you can take it as quickly or as slowly as you’d like.

Expose yourself to activities, shows, songs, anything you’d like at a speed that is comfortable to you. A good starting point is to go along with what a headmate is doing and try to get into their interests, and if it doesn’t work out, that’s fine. There is no harm in trying something only to decide that it is not for you. A headmate’s activity or interest is fairly safe since, chances are, the system was going to be doing that regardless, and all you are spending is your own engagement time, which you wanted to be doing anyway.

Another good starting point is anything that you were interested in back in-source, especially if it still speaks to you. If you liked to read novels, listen to a type of music, create a certain kind of art—that might still be a good outlet for you, and you may still enjoy it. You might not. Key to this is remembering that it is okay if you don’t still like something—people grow and change over time, and not all interests last forever. Perhaps they will return in the future. When it comes to skills you used to have, however, beware: many fictives lose their skills in the transfer over to the system and need to re-develop them, and therefore, engaging with old skill-based interests may be incredibly frustrating, especially at first, as you may be back at beginner level despite knowing that you used to be better. I have had this experience with many of my own skills, particularly language learning—be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that, physically, you have a different brain than you once did (if you had one at all—robots or spirits may have had some other analog) and it may not know how to do what your old one did. You will need to teach it anew—and for some, that is a worthwhile endeavor, and for others, it is too painful and frustrating. Do what feels best to you, not what stresses you out.

On the flip side of that, do not limit yourself to hobbies or interests that “match” or “make sense” for who your source set you out to be—if something intrigues you, take a look. Pick it up, give it a try. There is no right and wrong when it comes to things you like or enjoy—if you like it, you like it! Do not let what others might think of you or your “image” get in the way of enjoying something genuinely. This is for you, no one else.

That being said, I encourage you to seek out community. Make friends. Find more reasons to front and to care about the world you have found yourself in. Perhaps it is similar to the one you come from, or perhaps it is very different—but you are here now, and I highly recommend that you try to make the most of it. I have found that friends, even just a few, make everything worth it, and that they make my darker days much easier to bear, as well as making my better days even more enjoyable than they already were.

As for you, nonhuman fictives, do not fear, I have not forgotten you. While you can pick up the same interests and hobbies as your human- and human-adjacent headmates just fine in most cases, activities not suited to your species might not interest you. My recommendation is to look for alterhuman lists and guides of suggested activities for your species or a similar one—the otherkin and therian communities are extremely good at this, and just posting in a community asking for suggestions is likely to get you quite a few. And, if all else fails, go back to square one: meat pumpkin.

Now, I must confess that my recommendations for activities and engaging in yourself and the world around you focus almost entirely on fronting or co-fronting and engaging with the outside world. Some systems, I know, have very detailed and rich innerworlds, where headmates can perform tasks, do activities, and otherwise lead complete, complex, and fulfilling lives. If this can substitute for you and make you feel fulfilled, I see no reason to limit yourself to engaging strictly with the world outside of your own mind—but I am not knowledgeable on this topic, as my own system’s innerworld is rudimentary at best, a simulation designed to let us visualize our existence rather than an actual complex and detailed place. When it comes to this, I will have to leave it in the hands of systems who experience it.

Step Three: Becoming

This is the most challenging step by far, and for many, it is not necessary. Perhaps you find yourself happy with your identity—perhaps you are not perfect, but no one is, and you just want to continue to live your life, experience the world, and grow and change “as you will,” letting yourself be shaped by your experiences like most people do. Fantastic! That is my recommended approach in most cases, and I encourage you to continue on that path. Keep experiencing, keep growing, keep talking with people, picking up interests, doing activities, and making things. Write, love, live, and have fun.

But for some, particularly those with more “problematic” source material, that may not be enough. In some cases, a fictive, usually of a villain, will form, and either immediately or eventually realize that they do not want to be who they are. They do not want to keep these personality traits, they cannot stand the things they have done—or perhaps they are simply sick of it, and wish to change themselves.

For those of you in this camp: first, my condolences. I have been in and out of this mindset, and have several headmates that exist within it. This is a long, difficult process, and as frustrating and counterproductive as it is to hear, you cannot get through this if the core of your being is self-hatred. You must be willing to accept or forgive yourself for being that way, or for doing what you did. You must be willing to accept that there is no going back now, only moving forward, and accept that you can only change the future, not the past.

However, also remember that you do not owe anyone anything. Do not let anyone tell you what you “must” change—you do not have to stop. You do not have to change anything, although I would advise keeping behavior most would consider repulsive to yourself, for system accountability if nothing else. You are not obligated to change the “bad” parts of yourself—if you wish to, that should be your decision, you should do it because you want to. Never change because someone else is pressuring you. Never. That is a lesson I have had to learn the hard way, primarily back in source, and if you listen to nothing else I say today, listen when I tell you that bowing to those who pressure you to change who you are leads only to strife. A thousand years I suffered from that: do not make my mistake. Learn from me.

Now. Let us say you want to change something about yourself in this way—a key trait, a streak of cruelty, something along those lines. How?

You will hate it, but—refer back to step two. Engage with the world around you. Make friends. Care about people. Let yourself love and be loved, and do not stop people when they try to care about you. Let the running waters of time and the world smooth out your rough points, wear away your sharp edges. Time will let you become who you want to be if you allow it.

Think about this, too, if you want to do something about it: think about what you would rather be like. Who around you has those traits? How do they act when they show them? What do they do that you admire so much that you want to be that way, either instead or in addition to the way that you are? You may have heard the phrase “fake it until you make it” before, but in this case, it is very true. Identity is a fluid thing sometimes, although I admit that I find it more fluid than most, due to my borderline personality disorder. You can fool yourself into really being a way without actually being that way—or, at the very least, you will find your mimicry becoming easier and easier, more comfortable, and if it is something you like, then fantastic. You have succeeded. How you act is what matters, not the way you behave.

Remember that changing yourself must, must be an act of self-love, not of self-hatred. You must want to be a new way because you would like it better, not because you despise yourself so much you cannot face yourself in the mirror. You can take your dislike of yourself and turn it around into something positive, but you cannot self-punish your way into being a different person. Not successfully, not happily.

And, again, remember: you are not obligated to change any part of yourself, even if you are “problematic” or even a “bad” person. There are many “bad” personality traits of mine that I do not seek to change because I have accepted and come to terms with them. To change them would be to cease to be the person I am and am comfortable being; there is no reason to change who I am intentionally and directly. I will let the world and my experiences affect me as they will, but that is no different than how most people live their lives. If you choose this path of changing yourself, make sure it is because you want to, not because you feel you have to.

Putting It All Together

All of this advice is nice, but does it work? I like to think so—this reflects my own journey and approach to growth and engagement with the world, as well as that of several of my headmates. Those of you who read my older work or knew me when I first entered the community have likely noticed a significant change in me from my first days—I am less abrasive, less angry, less likely to lash out or snarl at the first hint of provocation. I was desperate, scared, a beast cornered and threatened. Now, I know the world and the community well enough to step up and give a panel, write essays, run a Dreamwidth community—and that was because I let myself learn and grow from my experiences, I let myself pick up interests and make my own friends outside of the system’s pre-existing friends, and I worked on becoming someone more stable, someone I liked. I have lived much of my life in self-loathing, and it is a strange, wonderful feeling to be free of its mire, at least for now.

For another example, my headmate Japheth was fairly distant for two or so years until very recently stepping forward and making friends and engaging in his own interests. It took him some time to write a few angry, lost essays, answer a few prompts, and then stew—and only emerge slowly, piece by piece, as we slowly convinced him to care about other people and the world around us. Only once he began to take an interest in what the system as a whole was up to did we finally see him smile, smile and begin to have fun, and that was worth all of the time it took to get him there, because it was such an improvement over his deep, vast melancholy that he came to us with.

For our system, our main methods of engagement with the world are through making friends (often with fictives in other systems, but not always) and through playing video games. Our game library is vast: different headmates play different games, and even when they share interest in a game, many have different characters or save files from each other. This helps us feel different and feel like we are making our own progress, giving us a reason to front and care about something that is uniquely ours. This is what works for us,  but maybe it doesn’t for you. That’s fine; for a thousand systems, there are two and a half thousand ways of making progress.

The goal of this entire process is to help you be happy. The goal is to let you enjoy the life you find yourself in, to be happy with yourself and the situation you are in. If this guide helps you get there, fantastic. If not, but you get there another way, good. What matters is that you one day sit back and realize that you enjoy who you are, where you are, and what you are doing. Adjusting is not always easy, but with time, effort, and support, I know that each and every one of you can do it. Take a breath for me, once more. Tell yourself, please, that you can do this. It is only insurmountable so long as you allow it to loom over you. By breaking it into smaller chunks and individual steps, you can take it once manageable piece at a time until you realize that you have reached a state of contentment. One day, you will get there.

Conclusion

Now, as the lecture part of this panel draws to a close, and we approach the Q&A, I have a couple of notes. First, if you have a question that does not get answered or that you would prefer to discuss privately, you can message me here on Discord, on Tumblr, or even through email any time—just specify that you are looking to talk to Goratrix, and I will be there to get back to you. Second, I would like to open the discussion and Q&A portion with a list of audience-gathered suggestions—what would you recommend to a new or struggling fictive? What activities, interests, shows, games, community spaces? We have extremely varied experiences, I am sure—so drop your suggestions in chat for people to read through. If you have anything for your or a similar source, feel free to suggest that as well.

While that happens, and while people read through those, let us open up the remaining time for questions. I will do my best to answer.

[local-philocalist]

Entry to your 20s, advice to the 20-year-old women

Four pieces of advice for the twenty-year-old women from a twenty-something year old woman.

1. Move Your Body

I cannot stress this enough, if you can, please move your body! Move your joints and build your muscles. The doctors, scientists and our parents were unfortunately right, the older one becomes, the weaker they get. If you want to still be able to run around in your fifties, sixties, etc. You need to start the habit now. Get a routine, start working out, try a sport, attempt a dance class, and get active in general.

I’ve recently gotten a gym membership and have begun pilates once or twice a week. Although at first, my muscles were burning, my body soon got used to it and I found my stamina and flexibility improving.

However, you don't need to spend money on a gym membership or Pilates to get fit. You can take a run around your local park, start a sports team with your friends, or try a YouTube workout from the comfort of your home. There are so many different ways to stay fit without emptying your pockets.

2. Eat Your Vegetables

I understand that some people are genuinely picky eaters and their parents never took the initiative to introduce different textures and flavours healthily. Thus this has followed into adulthood and are now unable to eat anything outside the same four meals.

I also understand I cannot say too much as someone who can eat almost anything but as a reformed vegetable hater I do have a little bit to offer. To live a long, healthy life vegetables are a necessity. So if you find yourself unable to eat certain vegetables, I would suggest cooking the vegetables differently, or incorporating ingredients you enjoy in your meals, think outside the box!

There are many articles about breaking picky eating, as adults we should try to expand our tastebuds, there's so much food to enjoy in this life. Nobody likes to be the person ordering chicken fingers at a Michelin restaurant.

3. Feed Your Brain

[edited: the previous paragraph has been published on my personal substack as a full piece; I've rewritten and changed this section for publication and privacy purposes].

I urge young women to nurture their brains; you are so blessed to be in a society and world where education is so accessible for women. If you live in the West, take advantage and don't feed into the propaganda of "I'm just a girl". Women are being minimised, and I don't want young ladies falling down the rabbit hole of this recent no-purpose lifestyle that's advertised.

Looks are essential, and don't get me wrong, I know attraction still plays a huge part in society, but it isn't the only important thing. It's not cute to be ignorant, lack life skills and use social media concepts like "I'm just a girl" as excuses. Stupidity isn't hot, so while it's okay to indulge in media consumption, find yourself hobbies outside of that and put in the effort to grow intellectually and further yourself.

4. High Self-esteem Will Protect You

Most of my girlfriends are in the dating field, and from the stories they tell me its clear these men are crazy. Good discernment is needed and for you to trust your discernment you need a healthy level of self-worth.

I’m not just talking about romantic interest, in general, high self-esteem will take you far in life. From romantic partners to career paths, when you know your value and do not settle, that translates to every crevice of your life. People treat you with more respect, you're likely to find yourself in fewer abusive scenarios and get better opportunities in your place of work.

Nothing good comes from beating yourself down and letting others treat you horribly. Overall your twenties can be fun but also filled with anxiety so take it step-by-step, don't beat yourself up and remember comparison is the thief.

[silenzahra]

First of all, thanks a lot to @megamagimugi @itsavee4117 @bberetd @keakruiser @pepperycar

@coffeecat1983 @peaches2217 @stripetkattelalala54 @multicolour-ink @vulpixfairy1985

@purely-interests-here-not-much for your comments on my latest post. I truly appreciate your support as I really needed it. Hope it's okay that I vent under the cut so you're all free to continue reading or skip this post, but I hope you all understand I'm not in the mood whatsoever to be around right now. I know you've tagged me in some stuff and I appreciate it, but I just can't enjoy it right now. It has all to do with my emotional state and nothing with the content itself. Hope that is clear.

Also, thank you to those of you who reblogged my musicians post after I fixed it. I really appreciate it. I'll make sure to give you all proper answers... I just don't know when yet.

Before I go on, let me advice you: if you're in a good mood today, maybe you shouldn't read this if you don't want it to be ruined. It's totally up to you. Just know that I'd never judge anyone for putting their mental health first.

Yesterday was the most awful day of my life. I came to the realization that the people I thought cared for me the most, the people who were supossed to always be there through thick and thin... don't actually care about me. They always put others first, no matter what my necessities and emotions are: they're always there for other people but they're never there for me. Even when it's obvious that I need them, they just don't see it and continue to help everybody else but me.

And I feel lonely. I've never had trouble with being alone as my hobbies usually require that I'm on my own to properly enjoy them, but that's one thing... and loneliness is something very different. I'm never alone, but I'm lonely. And their attitude also makes me feel so unimportant... Makes me wonder why on earth I'm here. Why my family had me if they weren't gonna care about me. Especially my emotions... No one in my family has ever made me feel like they're a safe space for me to open up. Never. So they don't even know what I'm feeling because, whenever I try to tell them something, they change the subject or simply don't pay attention. My voice doesn't matter. I literally have no one to turn to IRL. Heck, they don't even make me feel loved anymore. They make me feel like a burden they have to deal with, and I can't even move to live on my own for financial reasons.

In all honesty, I never thought I'd find myself in such a situation. I don't even know how to act anymore. I have to continue living with my family, seeing them every day, and I just don't know how to look them in the face. The feelings swirling in my chest... they hurt, and I feel that I need to let them out, but I literally have no one IRL. My friends, they all live in different cities, and have their own lives and problems, so they can't always be there for me, and I'm okay with that because I'm also busy. I'd like to get back to therapy, but it's expensive as hell where I live, and I have just started working for the first time after a few months, so I don't have the means for that.

In all honesty, this morning I took the day off from work and went for a walk with my dog. This may sound weird, especially to people who don't have any animals, but I'm not exaggerating when I say my dog Baloo was the only one (in my immediate surroundings I mean) who noticed yesterday that I wasn't feeling good. He has a great emotional intelligence and was there for me when I needed him, and I'm glad I could walk with him this morning because it really did wonders to us both.

Still, shortly after I got home... everything went bad again. I'd dare to say even worse than yesterday. And I'm so tired and drained.

I don't even know why I'm in this world anymore. It's just suffering and suffering, one bad thing after another, and I sincerely can take it no longer. I've had enough. I don't even find joy in the SMB franchise anymore... Yes, it's that bad. I've hit rock bottom and all that's left for me is drowning.

Thank you if you've read everything and sorry if I bored you or made you feel bad. I just hope you understand that I don't feel like being around whatsoever. I love you and your content, but I can't enjoy it right now, so I'd rather not see it until I'm fine... if I ever get to be fine again. This is the worst bad streak I've experienced in a very long time and I sincerely cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, I can't even feel excited about seeing my favorite band live again next week... Can't even look forward to that right now.

Of course, you're all free to continue to tag me in stuff if you'd like, but I hope you know I'm not gonna see it now. As I said, I can't enjoy anything in general. I've lost the spark of joy and I don't know how to get it back.

Sorry to sound so depressed, but it's just how I'm feeling right now.

Of course, all of this applies to the people around me in real life. I'm grateful I met each and every one of you, and I'm lucky and blessed that you offered me your support and you're there to listen. I love you all very much.

[rosieshipper]

@bullfinch-lover

Yes! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to info dump!

Okay so, Tornados come in like all different kinds of forms like rope

Cone or stove pipe (these are one of my favs)

Wedge (another one of my favs purely on how massive they can be)

Rain wrapped

Twins

Nocturnal (one of the scariest in my opinion considering how you don’t know it’s there unless there’s lightning)

And by far the most interesting and also terrifying dead man walking

The most fascinating tornado in history for me definitely has to be the 2013 El Reno tornado. One of the biggest wedge tornadoes in recorded history being almost 3 miles wide at 2.6 miles in width

Another interesting fact about tornadoes is sometimes an indicator of a tornado incoming is things becoming eerily calm and the sky turning a vibrant shade of green

Also other interesting fact and a pretty good survival tip, if you’re looking directly at a tornado and it appears to not be moving, that means it’s heading directly at you and you need to seek shelter immediately

Storm chasing is one of the most fascinating hobbies and jobs that someone could have and I would honestly love to do it someday. Granted I would probably just do it for photography and not science because I’m not that good in that field. Also I live in an area that will most likely never get a tornado so that’s something for future me to do

I actually used to be really terrified of tornadoes as a child and learning about them in school because I only knew of the damage and devastation they caused. But now I have a new found fondness of this phenomenon, one because it’s an absolute wonder to witness this beast of nature, and two I just think they’re cool

Granted I understand that tornadoes while they can be cool looking, they cause massive devastation and death and injury and my heart goes out to anyone who has experienced going through a tornado and I know it could be very traumatic for people

That’s why I also look up to storm chasers as well. They’re helpful in ways of helping detect the possibility of tornados coming and give people the opportunity to prepare for when disaster strikes. And they’re out they’re in the front lines collecting this data up close and personal so we can know how to better work through these disasters of nature and I really admire them for that

Thank you again for letting me rant about my recent hyperfixation I just find these things so neat

[outeremissary]

oc deep dive questions

Tagged by @kaleido-scope-lady on this- thank you! I too have put answers under the cut. This took a few days, partly due to length and partly because I uhhh. Did my Classic Move of filling it most of the way out for four different OCs and then making up my mind. Perhaps the others will see the light of day at some point, perhaps not.

Tagging @lizrich, @prettycatgirlwinter, and @dmagedgoods, if you're interested. And I apologize to anyone looking at this post. For the length of everything under the cut.

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

Do they have any pet peeves?

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

What do they notice first in a person?

On a scale from 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

What animal represents them best?

What is a smell they dislike?

Have they broken any bones?

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Are they a night owl, or morning bird?

What’s a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Do they have any hobbies?

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprise?

Do they like to wear jewelery?

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Do they have a favourite fabric?

What kind of accent do they have?

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

Balthazar’s most ordinary known fears are dogs, large animals, and death.

As for a more unusual one… Balthazar fears being controlled, and a large part of that is fearing being the kind of person he knows others expect him as an aasimar to be. He doesn't want to be good. He doesn't want to be self sacrificing. He doesn't want people to turn to him and expect him to give and give and give, to see him as a leashed animal to put between themselves and their problems. He doesn't want to be turned into something that isn't him. It's terrifying to imagine that there might be no more worth to his being than being consumed by others.

(Side note: really delightful for Wrath to put the aasimar cannibalism up front. pointing Look, it's a literal manifestation of his fear!!)

Do they have any pet peeves?

Plenty. Just to name a few… he dislikes puns, can't stand when he has to repeat himself to get a point across, hates being interrupted or talked over, and dislikes when pet owners let their animals approach people out of the blue. Keep that thing in hand..

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Appointment book

Dubious esoteric texts

Jewelry box

What do they notice first in a person?

How a person dresses and how they carry themselves catch his eye first. Both speak to status and comfort in a situation. What can be inferred about someone's background, position, and tastes from what they wear? How do they stand? Do they fidget? Where are they looking? Is eye contact a struggle? It's important to know who someone might be and what kind of person they might be most receptive to. Then it's a matter of continuing to refine that understanding to show them who they want to see.

On a scale from 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance?

It's maybe a 3 or 4. Not very good, and his threshold being above a 2 really speaks to a propensity for cooking accidents as a child. He hates and fears pain- one of a dozen reasons he hates healing people with his blessed fire. He's burned himself with his flames before and time has hardly dulled the sense of danger.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Flight. Experience has taught him not to stand his ground in danger, and any serious pressure pulls out the instinct to escape.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Balthazar's family is very small. He was raised by his father, who had come to Absalom alone years before Balthazar was born chasing the dream of the big city. In theory Kostas has family somewhere in southern Taldor, but Balthazar has never met them. He’s also never met his mother- she left his father very shortly after he was born. All he knows about her is that she’s an elf and he apparently looks like her, something he hates.

What animal represents them best?

He's an easy cat. That may be a generic sounding answer but that man definitely has the capricious mannerisms and aloof self-assurance of a cat.

What is a smell they dislike?

He has come to really, really hate the smell of bogs. Goblin cooking is up there as well.

Have they broken any bones?

Balthazar has been lucky not to have any major breaks for much of his life. He’s very averse to physical danger. If he’s broken anything during his unplanned adventuring career, it was mercifully healed quickly enough that he didn’t have time to notice.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

A stranger would likely describe Balthazar as polite, charming, and very easy to talk to. He has a warm smile and a soft, pleasant voice, and he’s good at giving his attention to whoever he’s speaking with. He tends to come across kind, with the little streaks of mischief and humor that show through feeling inviting and conspiratorial. He has a presence that seems to naturally put people at ease. And he's easy on the eyes, of course: people tend to remember that. Many people find him strikingly beautiful- something often attributed to his delicate, classically attractive face, soft, loose curls, or androgynous features. There’s something a bit uncanny to that beauty though- he’s naturally washed out of color and in a way he appears very doll-like. His personal sense of style, dripping with lace and ribbon, cements a memorable appearance. Anyone who clocks him as an aasimar (pretty much anyone who meets him once the wings develop) would likely draw connection between all of this: he’s an angel in the flesh, his presence supernatural and his character naturally supportive, trustworthy, and giving.

Are they a night owl, or morning bird?

Balthazar has always been a night person. He struggles to wake up early even at the best of times, and he often stays up well into the night working on projects. Manifesting his halo makes it easy to just keep going heedless of time. In Absalom his involvement in the city’s nightlife made him even more nocturnal. He often misses that lifestyle.

What’s a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Balthazar has little love for most kinds of sweetness. He really hates sugary confections like meringue because of this, and tends to prefer rich, spicy flavors. Despite his general distaste for sweets, his favorite food is portokalópita (orange cake) heavily spiced with cinnamon.

Do they have any hobbies?

He has a lot of interest in metaphysical and religious esoterica, and he enjoys researching these topics and collecting treatises on them. Fashion has always been an area of passion for him and he enjoys learning about current trends and building out his wardrobe (or sometimes another's). He enjoys meeting with the tailor Sharel to discuss design as an extension of that interest. He enjoys games of strategy and likes learning new ones. In Absalom he always really enjoyed spectating kite fights- kite fighting has been his favorite sport since childhood.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprise?

Balthazar is good at maintaining the appearance of taking unexpected things in stride, whether that's keeping his cool in crisis or being appropriately flattered by a surprise party. How he feels inwardly about surprise varies by circumstance, but he's often frustrated to be caught on the back foot. And he'd hate a surprise birthday party so much. He hates celebrating his birthday.

Do they like to wear jewelery?

Absolutely! Balthazar isn't fond of really ostentatious jewelry and has hangups about things that don't feel secure, but he loves being able to complete an outfit with jewelry. The close collars and cuffs he prefers mean that a lot of his day to day jewelry doesn't include necklaces or bracelets, instead tending towards rings, cuff links, brooches, pins, and, of course, earrings. He loves dangly, eye-catching earrings. All in all, he's very fond of jewelry and is steadily amassing an impressive collection, especially with Mim at his disposal.

(Obligatory self indulgent link to Vio and Balthazar’s matching jewelry)

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

I'd say relatively neat…? It's not chicken scratch. He writes in a somewhat cramped cursive that often lacks dots on i's if he's in a hurry and there's not a t or x that has to be crossed in the same line. Actually idk why I'm acting like Taldan uses the Latin script. Imagine the fantasy version of what I just described. That is the thing he does

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Frustration and some level of anxiety, maybe.

Do they have a favourite fabric?

Balthazar is fond of fine things. He enjoys silks and laces, and is quite fond of airy, elegant chiffon and patterned brocades.

What kind of accent do they have?

Complicated question. Most of the time Balthazar has a clear Absalomite Taldan accent- more specifically, the way he speaks is very Westgate upper class. This manner of speech is practically second nature thanks to years of use and practice, but at the end of the day it’s a fabrication. On rare occasion, the working class dialect of his home neighborhood slips through. And while his posh Taldan tends to be fairly consistent, he never quite ironed out his native accent in Keleshite, his second language.

In general he’s good at picking up and imitating accents and dialects accurately. He has a decent ambiguously rural Rostlandic one he can put on, a go-to when avoiding attention in the Stolen Lands (before his rise in status and the wings made this near impossible without magical disguise).

[ghostoffuturespast]

hey ghostie i was gna get specific for the ask game but I wanna know *all* of it now, the acronyms, the full names, all of em! are they for cyberpunk or other fandoms? no matter how much there is to know, i wanna know! talking about an idea helps a lot, i speak from experience! thanks for the mention, ill get on the wip game soon, too! ❤️

WIP Game Here

Thank you for the ask! I appreciate it :) They are all Cyberpunk 2077 things lol. I’ve largely been a lurker in other fandoms until this one, and this is the first one that finally compelled me to make stuff and that I’ve had the bravery to share. Don’t have many snippets at the moment, all of what I have so far is already out there. Since you asked for all of them though, I shall dish and give you a bit of a peak behind the curtain on how all this got started…

(I’m sorry, this got very rambly.)

And def tag me when you do yours! I will come find you and your wips! 🧡

SIG - So It Goes

(The title is based off the radio song from the game that you can listen to on Morro Rock. Never officially released and credited to the fictional band Fingers and the Outlaws in the game. Officially sung by Ryan Kattner, the front singer of the band Man Man.)

SIG is my current V/River conspiracy theory long fic that I’m working on, and the project is coming up on its two year anniversary. It’s also my first fic. I’m hoping to wrap it up this spring so I can move on to other creative endeavors. There are a lot of art projects, fandom and non-fandom related, that I’ve held off on because of this and I miss those hobbies. I also feel like I’ve been missing out a lot in the writing corner of the fandom too because a lot of new writers have popped up on the scene since I started (back when there was still a monopoly on the tag, but that’s a different story) and everyone else seems to be having fun reading everyone else’s fics, except me… Reading’s complicated for me right now. Writing this had a lot of ups and downs, but overall I’ve loved telling this story, learned a lot, and I’m really proud of it!

I think most people get into fic writing for the ships, the romance, the smut, the processing of internalized trauma, a more satisfactory ending, weird niche interests… And don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of appeal with all that, and definitely those aspects in my own work. But this whole thing got started because of conspiracy theories. I fucking love mysteries and puzzles, so after playing the sun ending and then I spotting Mr. Blue Eyes on the balcony during the conclusion of Dream On, I just about lost my damn mind. I went down the rabbit hole, spent hours reading shards and messages in the game, combed reddit theory posts, and started picking up on all the hints and foreshadowing of something larger looming throughout the game.

I initially didn’t have any answers when I made the decision to start this fic (fuck, high probability I still don’t), it was largely me brainstorming and trying to figure out what kind of story I wanted to write. Seeing if I could even piece things together. But in the process of thinking all that through, I came up with this little theory. I thought it was pretty mind blowing at the time (still think it is) but it’s been my little secret since I got here and I’m very anxious to finally share it.

Most people probably would have just written a theory post and been done with it, but I decided to turn mine into a fan fic lol. Which may or not have been a mistake, we’ll see. This is either gonna be game changing or everyone is going to think it’s dumb and I’m gonna be wearing a dunce cap for the next fifty years.

River Ward. The other half of my reason for writing this fic. I actually wasn’t sure if I liked him at first, it took me a while to warm up to him. But the more I got to know him, the more I started to like him. The more he grew on me. He got hotter over time. Plus, I’ve got a fondness for detective characters and unusual coats, so I should’ve seen it coming.

River’s gotten a lot of flak from this fandom. People claim he’s boring. He’s a cop, so acab. Being unemployed and living in a trailer park with your sister, niece, and nephews isn’t a particularly redeeming quality. I don’t agree with most of those statements, but I do agree with the folks who do appreciate his character, that in terms of development, he absolutely got shafted in the game. This fic is also an attempt to rectify that.

For as underdeveloped as his story arc was, there’s a lot of nuance to his character that I think gets glossed over by the game and most people. We didn’t get much, but out of what we did get, it’s been interesting trying to piece a story together that’s in line with what we got. And I did mention earlier that I like puzzles.

I’ve noticed that a lot of folks tend to lean very hard into the cop aspect of his character, but as far as I’m concerned, River Ward doesn’t give a shit about the law. Conducting an off the record investigation, intimidating a confidential informant, illegally obtaining evidence, breaking into a restricted lab, committing arson for your ex so she can pass a medical exam, conducting another investigation after being suspended; those are not the actions of a man who holds the letter of the law above all else. Those are the actions of man who is determined to get to the bottom of things, and protect people, all while navigating a system that is anything but equitable or fair. They are the actions of a man who is willing to go above and beyond for the people he cares about, even to his own detriment. His own safety. For River Ward, it was never about the law, it’s about justice. And pursuing that sometimes involves breaking the rules.

River is also Pomo. Which is something that was only added in subsequent patches, heavily glossed over in the game, and is only disclosed if you choose to actually romance him. But he’s Indigenous. Native American. And yet he still made a conscious decision to join the NCPD. Given the historical participation by law enforcement and government institutions in North America, and around the world, in the cultural erasure and mass genocide of entire nations, tribes, and communities of people. And given the current state of issues regarding law and judicial enforcement on tribal lands, I think River's character is a rather poignant reflection. Of wanting to good, of wanting the world to be better, but being confined in systems that simply won't allow that. There's a billion other little details I could ramble on about, but his character had the capacity to walk a very fine line of complexities which the game never really did justice to.

Diversity and representation in media are important to me, and I want this fic to reflect that. Being bi-racial, I didn’t get very much of it growing up, so if I can provide representation, even in some small capacity, I think it’s better than nothing. And while I don’t know if I’m achieving that, well, shit if I’m not trying.

I wouldn’t say this story was really meant to be original, but rather to fill in the gaps on the story we got and for me to practice writing. Practice telling a story. CP2077 is a violent game set in a violent world. And I somehow managed to start writing a story that accidentally ended up being a love letter to aikido. (Much to my chagrin. It’s everywhere. In everything. I cannot escape it.) Aikido is a martial art that translates “to the way of peace” or “the path of harmony.” Yet again, another study in dichotomies. How can a martial art, an art form designed to inflict violence, be peaceful? Aikido is as much of a martial art as it is a philosophy. We train to practice and learn that philosophy.

One of the major themes I’m exploring in this fic series is the nature of violence. What it is, the forms it takes, how cyclical it is, that it is a relationship - violence requires your participation. So the question ends up being: how do you break cycles of violence when you live in a world where you are beholden to it? V and River are very much two characters that are caught up in cycles of violence. Will they find peace? I don’t know, but maybe they can find out together.

From The Top

(This one isn’t named after a song. I just decided to start from the beginning.)

From The Top is the VP project I started up last spring where I’ve been taking storyboard style photos of all the main missions. Plus whatever else I feel like. I take all of my photos on PS5 in vanilla photomode and randomly started snapping pictures just because. I did landscape photos, shared a few. Got a bit of nice feedback from people who cared to look and then started branching out. I eventually got to the point where I started a new playthrough for the sole purpose of snapping photos.

Taking VP is very different from writing for me. I don’t have to think about. I don’t agonize about making sure every tiny detail is just right, because for the most part I don’t have very much control It’s candid, intuitive, experimental, it’s straight up play. I simply wait for opportunities to present themselves and capture whatever I think looks or feels interesting to me. It’s easy for me to walk away from it if it doesn’t do well when I post. Unlike my writing, there’s no ego attached to it.

I’m getting to the tail end of this project, I still have a couple of the base game missions to get through, but I’d also like to do Phantom Liberty as well. Not sure what my VP career is going to look like after this, might go into soft retirement. But that’s okay.

NR - Night Running

(Named after Night Running by Cage the Elephant)

Is a sleeper wip that’s currently in the notes, brainstorming, and kitchen drawer phase. It’s part 2 of my Nothing Comes Before Night City series. So It Goes is part 1.

It takes a long time for me to mull over and ruminate on ideas, so this document is largely just a repository for notes and thoughts. Jamming the utensils in the drawer until I’m ready to organize them. I have a very broad idea of what I’d like to happen in this fic, key moments I’d like to hit, but there’s still a lot of refinement that needs to happen, and stories this involved require me outlining. I do already have a running set list of songs to draw from though.

Les Preludes

(Named after Les Preludes by Franz Liszt)

Another sleeper wip, also in the brainstorming phase. These are meant to be one-shots or short stories from the Nothing Comes Before Night City series. Moments I mentioned in the series, but can’t fit into the larger story. Character studies and background lore from V, River, Johnny, Jackie, a couple of OCs and whatever else I can think of.

I will probably start casually working on these after I finish SIG and while I’m outlining NR. I’d like the series to go in chronological order. Should be fun. And I think it’ll be good practice for being more concise. Unlike, this response...

If you stuck around for this TedTalk and made it all the way to the end, thank you! 👻

[luvinmads]

Hannibal Lecter's femininity analysis

Before starting I want to make clear some points:

This essay/analysis is viewed from a sociological perspective, based on gender stereotypes and gender expectations in the context of 2013.

I am talking about the Hannibal we know in the series Hannibal from NBC.

I will not talk about womanhood as something immovable because I don't think there's a way to be more or less woman but I do think there are traits that are expected from women.

I will not include headcanons in this essay.

With that clear we can start.

Introduction

After I rewatched Hannibal for what felt like the tenth time I decided to watch some video analysis on YouTube, most of them talked about the clear queer "subtext" on Hannibal's and Will's relationship (I wouldn't say is a subtext at all, is very much vocalized in the serie). After I watched some of them I felt like something was missing, but what?

After I started to spiraling over it I knew, all those people analyzed the relationship between the characters but not the characters themselves, specifically not Hannibal (my favorite character), and I find it weird because Hannibal is a interesting character for a million things, but to me, the most interesting part of the character is the way he portraits femininity.

Hannibal has a lot of feminine traits.

Hannibal always talks gently, not even once louder his voice, he doesn't need it, he knows he will be heard by the ones who want to hear him, and the ones who don't aren't important.

He doesn't vocalize his annoyance, when something bothers him you notice it by a minuscule move in his eyes. He keeps himself polite over anything else, even with Mason Verger. He never seems to lose his temper, always in control of his actions, even when he is hurting others.

Hannibal is a caretaker over a protector, he is always finding a way to take care of people around him, mostly feeding them (human flesh, I know), but he also takes care of their wounds, he cleans them, he comforts them.

Hannibal also has some mannerisms which are pretty feminine, like the way he crosses his legs any time he sits (I want to point out that this is something Mads Mikkelsen gives to the character, if you watch any interview of him you will notice he always crosses his legs), or the ways he touches others, always delicately.

His hobbies too can be seen as feminine, his love for art, music, cooking and reading. Even though these aren't strictly feminine, it is indeed more likely to be seen as something a woman would like.

His fashion sense and his neatness too, he takes care of his aspect at the point he has a plastic suit he wears over his tailored ones at the moment of kill.

His love language is acts of service over anything else.

Hannibal's jealousy over any women Will has a relationship with is something I really wanted to point out, he lets Will make these connections but he always finds a way to take them from him, with his children too, because Will didn't accept the one he gave him.

All this traits are something that can be very striking in a man, but if Hannibal were a woman it would be something we expect, something we can see in Bedelia for example, in her all this traits don't seem to be extraordinary, but they made Hannibal to stand out over other men in the series and his social circle. Mostly if we have in mind that he was born in the 1940s 50s (couldn't find out his real age).

Conclusion

Maybe all of this is just an overanalyze from me, maybe it wasn't even thought to be like this. But anyway, I find Hannibal really resonates with the female audience (from what I see in different social media) more than the male audience because of these traits he has, and I very much like that.

I am sorry if this isn't what you expected though, I don't know if I did well, it has been years since I wrote something like this :((

What do you think about this topic? Is there something else you want to point out? Please tell me if you like. I would love to read others' perspectives.

tags: @trannigraham

[francesminos-tt]

blind!joffrey au he and daeron fight for some reason (maybe a misunderstanding and lack of communication) but they make up at night :)

It turned out sillier than I expected, but I hope it’s still cute.

The most frustrating thing of being blind was that sometimes people acted as if you didn’t even exist. Joffrey knew this too well. He was right there, sitting in his favorite armchair and enjoying the warm sun on his skin, but the two chamber maids were gossiping to each other as if Joffrey was as deaf as he was blind.

Normally, he didn’t mind it too much. Some of the court gossips were entertaining, and Joffrey could use them to start a conversation with his husband during dinner. The thought of Daeron put a smile on his face. Joffrey brushed his fingertip against his wedding ring, feeling the cool metal band and the large gemstone in the middle. Daeron told him the gemstone was called opal, a soft brown gem that was the same shade of brown as Joffrey’s eyes. Joffrey had no idea what opal or the color brown was, but he appreciated Daeron’s gesture.

“Do you know Prince Daeron’s new hobby?” One of the chamber maids said in a hushed tone.

“What can interest the prince except for swords training and dragon riding?” The other maid chuckled, “I have never seen him pay attention to anything other than these two things.”

“Well, you are in for a surprise then.” The first maid paused, “I saw his grace with Lady Farman in the garden three days in a row!”

“Lady Farman? From Fair Isle?”

“The one and only. It is said that maidens from the Fair Isle all live up to their names. Let me tell you, Lady Farman surely does! She’s so pretty! Especially her brown eyes. Like melting chocolate.”

“But,” the second maid paused, “Prince Daeron is married to Prince Joffrey?”

“Oh, come on,” Her companion scoffed, “it’s a political union! How could someone as handsome as Prince Daeron be willing to marry a blind man? It’s to unite the two factions. Surely his grace wants someone who can actually keep him company.”

Joffrey bit his lip and tried his best to stay silent. What good would it do, if he reminded them that he had been listening to the conversation all along? That he was only blind, not deaf? That it was his husband they were talking about?

No. Joffrey didn’t think it would make any difference. Their words were not wrong. Joffrey had only taken on a stroll with Daeron in the garden once. He remembered that he clung to his husband the entire time, and Daeron had to keep telling him to mind his steps. It was a hilarious experience for them, and Joffrey had never suspected otherwise. But now, he wasn’t so sure. What if Daeron didn’t find it hilarious at all? What if Daeron found him annoying? What if Daeron was lying when he said he had loved Joffrey for years? What if Daeron realized that Joffrey’s unfocused brown eyes were not gems, and decided to find a pair of better ones? Such as Lady Farman’s pretty brown eyes that looked like melting chocolate?

The more Joffrey thought about that, the more he was convinced that Daeron had lied to him from the beginning. The maids had already moved on to other topics, leaving Joffrey to dwell on his thoughts alone. Joffrey tried his best to ignore the tug on his heart, the disappointment, the anger, the pain of being played like a fool.

When Daeron returned to his quarters, Joffrey was not there. Strange. Joffrey always welcomed him with a kiss and a bright smile. Where could Joffrey go? It was already dark.

Daeron put the gift he got for Joffrey down on the table before leaving the room again. He didn’t need to search for long, for Joffrey was seldom seen without him, the Keep’s servants were quick to tell him that Prince Joffrey had gone to the Dragon Pit.

What could Joffrey possibly do in the Dragon Pit after dark? He couldn’t fly, and today was not his scheduled day to see Tyraxes.

Daeron met Joffrey outside the Dragon Pit, the brunette trying to mount his black dragon but to no avail.

“Watch out!” Daeron rushed to Joffrey’s side, just in time to catch the boy falling off from Tyraxes, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Joffrey didn’t reply, only struggled to get free from Daeron.

“Joffrey!” Daeron’s voice hardened instinctively. His heart almost stopped when he saw Joffrey failed to grab the slick black scale. Tyraxes was young dragon, but it was still tall. Several meters fall was no joke.

“Let me go.” Joffrey hissed, keeping his head down.

“No. Unless you promise me not to do anything stupid again.” Daeron tightened his grip of Joffrey’s wrist, his heart still pounding in his chest, hard enough to hurt.

“It’s not stupid!” Joffrey struggled again, “I want to ride my dragon! I am entitled to do this!”

“You can’t ride a dragon, Joffrey! You are blind!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Daeron knew he had pushed too far. Joffrey hated to be called blind to his face. Daeron knew that Joffrey’s biggest regret of being blind was that he could not ride his dragon. Joffrey loved Tyraxes, and he felt guilty of robbing the black drake of the right to fly. Daeron had really hit a sore point.

“Is that what I am to you?” Joffrey said after a long pause, his voice cold as stone, “A blind man?”

“No, Joff, you know I didn’t mean it-”

“Fuck off.” Joffrey bit Daeron’s hand, and took the opportunity to run. He had no idea where he was heading, of course, but he had to leave. He couldn’t be with Daeron right now. How dare his husband say that word to his face? How dare Daeron dismiss his desire to ride Tyraxes?

If only. If only he was not blind, Joffrey could have flown away on Tyraxes by now. He wouldn’t stumble on some damn rock and fall to the ground like a sack.

Shit.

Joffrey groaned as he tried to get back to his feet, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist and picked him up, the familiar scent unmistakably belonging to Daeron.

“Stop fighting, please.” Daeron said softly to Joffrey, “You will hurt yourself.”

“None of your business.” Joffrey murmured, too tired to struggle. He would never admit that he missed Daeron’s scent and his husband’s warm embrace.

“You are my husband, Joffrey. You are my business.” Daeron pressed Joffrey’s face to his own chest and began to walk back, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said the word.”

Joffrey sniffed, but remained silent.

By the time they arrived at their quarters, dinner had already gone cold. Daeron put Joffrey down on the bed and ordered the maids to bring something light and warm.

“And some candied almonds and honey cakes, please.”

Joffrey deliberately ignored the fact that Daeron had just ordered his favorite dessert. If Daeron wanted to sooth Joffrey’s anger with desserts, he thought wrong.

“Can I see your hand, Joff? I want to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“No,” Joffrey hid his hand behind his back, “I can take care of myself. I don’t need your pity.”

Daeron sighed heavily. On one hand, he was pleased that Joffrey acted so difficult around him. Don’t get him wrong. It was not easy to be on the receiving end of Joffrey’s temper, but Daeron was glad that Joffrey felt comfortable enough to act so free around him. But on the other hand, he didn’t know what had gotten to Joffrey this time, which made it more difficult to sooth his husband’s anger.

“I am not pitying you.” Daeron said gently and sat down on the bed as well, “I worry about you, Joff. You almost scared me to death when you fell from Tyraxes.”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? If I die, you can finally get rid of me.” Joffrey said through clenched teeth, “You can be with someone else who is not blind.”

“What makes you think of such nonsense?” Daeron’s patience was wearing thin right now. He couldn’t stand someone belittling his love for Joffrey. not even Joffrey himself.

“You.” Joffrey said flatly, “Do you enjoy your time with Lady Farman, husband? Is she nice? Pretty? Pleasant? I bet she’s a delight to be with.”

Oh.

Oh. Daeron finally figured out where did Joffrey’s anger come from. Was Joffrey jealous?

“Are you jealous?” Daeron chuckled, kicking off his shoes and climbing to the bed. He settled next to Joffrey and trapped the brunette in his arms.

“What’s there to be jealous of?” Joffrey tried to get away, but the king-sized bed could not hold off his husband for long. He found himself surrounded by Daeron’s warmth before he even realized what was happening.

“There is nothing wrong to feel jealous.” Daeron tightened his arms, kissing the top of Joffrey’s head, “I think you are rather cute when you are jealous.”

“I am not-” Joffrey wasn’t sure which claim he wanted to deny, jealous or cute?

Fortunately, Joffrey didn’t have to choose because Daeron sealed their lips together in a tender kiss. Joffrey melted immediately, much to his chagrin, but he had yearned for Daeron’s touch whole day, now he couldn’t resist wanting for more. Joffrey moaned into the kiss, his hands finding their way into Daeron’s silver curls.

“Though I love seeing you jealous, you really don’t need to be.” Daeron whispered against Joffrey’s lips, “I am not attracted to Lady Farman and I will never be.”

“But you took her on a stroll.” Joffrey said, embarrassed by how ridiculous he sounded.

“That’s because I wanted to consult her something and keep it a secret.”

“You have a secret with her?” Joffrey’s unsaid words couldn’t be more clearer. With her? Not me?

“No, silly.” Daeron stroked Joffrey’s cheek before planting a small kiss on the brunette’s lips, “Here, have this.”

Something was pushed into his hands. It was a long, cylinder thing, smooth to the touch, with several holes on one end.

“A flute?”

“You said you wanted one, and Lady Farman happens to have a profound knowledge of this instrument.” Daeron helped Joffrey to put his fingers on each hole, “She also offered to teach you, but I refused.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t like the idea of you spending time alone with her.”

“Are you jealous, husband?” Joffrey asked, a phantom smile on his lips.

“Maybe.” Daeron pushed Joffrey to the bed and covered the brunette’s body with his own.

The gossip of Prince Daeron taking a liking for Lady Farman soon died down, replaced by a juicy tale of how Prince Daeron almost bent Prince Joffrey in half and pounded into the blind prince with abandon.

[uriekukistan]

right so here i am w MORE URIE BALLET HCS

- the first time urie went to a ballet class was against his will

- i wanna say hsiao took the quinx bc the way i see her move in the manga reminds me of a dancer…yeah she probably goes for cross training or smth

- urie was pretty reluctant and not looking forward to it at all. probably thought it was a waste of time

- but he so quickly came to love it. like by the time they were done with tendus (literally the second thing you do in a ballet class)

- i wanna say he was one of those people who didnt think much of ballet and ballet dancers, but after that class he really came to respect the art

- i’ve said before that i think he would appreciate the way it combines all of his fav hobbies - the creativity of art, the athleticism of working out, and ofc we rarely see him not listening to music in his headphones

- but i think what he likes most is the structure and discipline of ballet

- he’s someone who has a lot of thoughts at all times. ballet classes are very predictable and you should be focusing on the technique, so your brain kinda goes quiet. i think he would appreciate that

- anyway after that first class he’d kinda get obsessed w ballet but he would keep it to himself

- his fav company is the bolshoi ballet btw

- after a few weeks of obsessing, he would finally go to another class, but he would figure out when hsiao went and specifically go on different days. or he would straight up find a completely different studio

- idk why he’s so hellbent on hiding this new hobby bc you know the quinxes would be supportive as fuck

- the teacher really likes him because he’s always super focused and looking for corrections

- so the teacher asks him if he’d be interested in performing in the nutcracker with the company they’re part of (omg time for my fav urie ballet hc)

- urie hesitantly accepts because he really does enjoy ballet but he’s worried he’s not good enough and also that the quinxes will find out (again- why???)

- so he ends up being the cavalier for the sugar plum pas de deux, which he’s kinda like ???? because other than the nutcracker prince it’s one of the most coveted male roles in the nutcracker

- he’s also never done partnering before so he’s kinda nervous. very shy in rehearsals but also very cooperative with his partner. he wants to do well in everything so he works very hard and always asks for tips and feedback from his teacher and his partner

- he also finally comes clean to the quinxes about where he sneaks off to every night and theyre so excited to come see him dance. he thought they would tease him, but no one does because they can see how much it means to him

- they all come and sit in the front row. saiko also told takeomi and yoriko, and kaneki and touka so they all come too and urie is lowkey mortified

- he slays tho as expected

the dance if u were interested! one of my personal favs! this was so long omg

also his dream role is prince siegfried from swan lake (bc his fav ballet is swan lake), and he kinda wants to do the russian dance from the nutcracker bc of all the jumps