#i never developed any hobbys as a kid because depression

[viviae]

Went to cosmetology school, got any desire to work in hair and make up crushed because i was "behind the other students" for not practicing since I was twelve

Took writing classes, got all my desire to write crushed because i was "behind the other students" for not practicing religiously my entire life

Taking college classes on a topic I love, gets all my desire to interact with the medium crushed because i was "behind the other students" for not growing up in that life style

The funniest thing is academically I am a fantastic student, but anything that requires a hobby or actual skills I am continuously pushed out of for being unskilled.

I get really angry when people try to sway me with the "its never too late to learn" bit because its just not true. Learning is not a luxury you are given, even in beginner courses I am being expected to be on professional levels. Everything is only about who is good NOW. No one cares if you the capacity or desire to learn anymore, its all about nepotism and who was born with the skills.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

[neorukixart]

Been wondering for a while if you have any other headcanons for your adult Ruki 🤔🙏

Ah... well, since you asked for "headcanons" it means I can go wild and ignore some of the canon, right? :3c

She had her "gay" awakening when she was watching "Digimon Adventure" while she was baby (about the age she had in the Locomon movie flashback), specifically the ep with princess Mimi. She didn't realized it until she grew up (prob in her 20s). Thanks to that, Rumiko "misread" the mood and thought Ruki wanted cute dresses and be pretty.

She's an AiM fan (thanks to Mimi), which would explain her fixation with "Yuuhi no Yakusoku", that's her fav song and has a soft spot for "My Place" too. She also listens to RAISE A SUILEN (because you know, I'm a RAS oshi too hehe).

She became a morning person quite easily thinking on how she wanted to work hard so when she meets Renamon again, they won't laugh at her for being lazy.

She's very polite, having studied in an "Ojousama" school until highschool but she's very careful to whom she greets with "Gokigenyou", she will NEVER use it with the tamers group but she does knows how to keep up appearances when needed.

The modeling job her mom "forced" her to do was with genderless clothes and during her last months of working as a model, she did more sports and formal suits (skirts were forbbiden); this gave her quite the popularity among girls and women ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). She's thankful she has to use a helmet while riding her bike to hide her face.

Juri will always touch the "you were very ikemen as a model" topic from time to time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She used her model job money for her motocross gear and bikes.

Unfortunately for her, she became famous among the motor sports world and had to "become" a model again for magazines and interviews, the good thing is that she wears her gear and not "modeling" clothes. She's still popular among ladies ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She tries to be a good example to the kids she teaches bouldering, unfortunately (again) there are moms who are very interested in her ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She regrets very much accepting being a model at this point (but now I find it very funny XDDD help)

During summer, she does radio exercises with kids and her stamp is actually a kawaii fox instead of her last name; when older kids ask why the stamp is like that she just says "I like foxes, they are cool", younger kids don't question it as it is a cute fox.

Jian and Juri are the ones she constantly keeps in touch with; Juri is the one who almost has time to go and see her competitions everytime and she drags Hirokazu and Kenta with her, Ruki appreciates the gesture.

She developed quite the motherly instincts thanks to the kids she's been teaching in the park; then she realized that "oh, so kids are only cute and adorable when they aren't your own" but she is not so against the idea of being a mother herself (Let her adopt Miyuki and Renaharu uwu).

Once in a while, depression actually hits her so you will find her on long bike rides at night with not an specific destination. She decided she was not going to cry anymore so at the end of her rides, she might need to hit something.

She's bad at drinking and becomes a drunk terminator, at the end of her destruction, she cries so, she prefers to avoid drinking but she can do it in moderation.

Thanks to her motocross career, she moved out of her house and lives in a relatively big apartment (model money is convenient); she lives alone but Juri has often suggested to live together, Ruki is not really ready for it yet.

Living alone means taking care of yourself so she's actually a good cook and procures to stay healthy (and buffy), cooking is a hobby she didn't expect to develop but here she is.

She keeps a few plants that does not need much water as she's out most of the time, but surprinsingly she keeps her apartment tidy and clean.

One time she was on TV (thanks to her competition being aired) and got interviewed upon winning; later that week people connected the dots and said she was one of the kids who were fighting the D-reaper and had to ask Jian and Yamaki for help since it went viral (let's say that they did some things here and there that might or not be illegal).

From time to time, she takes Juri on her bike rides (when she doesn't has to do extra work for her school) and the one place she always takes Juri to, is the beach because it reminds her the ONE time she got trapped in Okinawa thanks to a certain Omegamon asking for her help to defeat Mephismon and how she was able to go back thanks to Kyuubimon that miraculously, knew how to swim. When Juri asked why she didn't asked for Jian and Takato's help (or Minami's), she said it was very embarrassing to owe money and favors; but she keeps in mind that if she ever finds this Omegamon again, she will have a few things to say.

I've already said this but, she collects the new Digica, overall Renamon evo line cards. She also collects Digimon plushies. V-mon and Tailmon being among her favs (me? pushing my biases? Noooooo of course noooooo).

Ryou will often try to get in touch and get her to compete in Digica tournaments; Ruki refuses saying she will only do it if the fate of the world and Digital World are at stake, never for fun; only in private and with friends (those friends being Hirokazu, Kenta and Ryou who are the only other nerds to get cards).

She's in good terms with Ryou to be honest; they have a good relationship and he already apologized for forgetting about her when they were kids. Ruki still doesn't knows why she can't hold that grudge anymore but she considers him a good friend so when Jian or Juri don't have time, she will chat with Ryou and share their problems. Their fav subject is sharing their adventures before meeting each other and new booster packs of the Digica or discussing the new Digis designs.

Speaking of new Digis, she likes Diarbbitmon and is gay for Cendrillmon.

Also speaking of Digica, there was one time when Shaochung was eager to learn but Jian ain't teaching her for whatever reason so she went to Ruki who, happily showed how to play. They are in very good terms, even Shaochung would often brag with her friends and classmates how she knows the Digimon Queen (and motocross pro) Makino Ruki. She keeps calling her "Ruki onee-chan" btw.

She would be on good terms with Takato if only he would have stuck around instead of disappearing xD so she holds a grudge towards him for "abandoning" Juri; this is the main reason Ruki will try to spend time with Juri the most she can. Who knows, maybe she can wooo her ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Speaking of Juri, I think Ruki realized she liked her when they were teens but out of respect for Takato she stayed quiet, for YEARS. Also Juri secretly collected Ruki's photos from her modeling days (�� ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

I know that for the sake of the CD dramas, Ori-san had to do her usual "Ruki" voice, but I actually picture Ruki having a different Ori-san voice, something between Riza (FMA Brotherhood) and Manami (Digimon Ghost Game).

I think that's all I have for now XD I hope you have fun reading? Also, since I don't have anything new to post (still can't use Glaze and don't even talk about Nighshade) here have a blurry preview of your prompt hehe.

[jinxwrites]

Sayaka Shinohara

“I want 'em back, I want 'em back

The minds we had, the minds we had

It's not enough to feel the lack

I want 'em back, I want 'em back, I want 'em

You're the only friend I need (you're the only friend I need)

Sharing beds like little kids (sharing beds like little kids)

And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (laughing 'til our ribs get tough)

But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)” - “Ribs” by Lorde

Fandom: My Hero Academia (MHA)

Name: Sayaka Shinohara

Alias: None

Nickname: Say

Age: 24

Birthday: December 18th

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Sex: Female

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Heterosexual

Nationality: Japanese

Languages: Japanese and English

Species: Human

Blood Type: A-

Occupation: Medical Assistant

Alive or Dead?: Alive

Health: Suffers from anxiety, depression, and PTSD

Skin Color: Fair

Hair Color: Light pink

Hair Style: Long hair with hair pieces framing her face, normally pulled back into a ponytail

Eye Color: Teal

Teeth: Teeth are straight, off-white

Tattoos: On right wrist

Scars: Self-harm scars on wrists

Piercings: Ears are pierced

Height: 5’6” (167 cm)

Weight: 132 lbs

Body Type: 

Hourglass figure

Mesomorph

Thicker thighs

B-cup breasts

Pretty thin

Long legs

General Clothing Style/Aesthetic: 

Lots of pink or light colors

Dresses, crop tops, floral-patterned jeans, chokers, and heels

She wears pink eyeshadow with a little white in the inner corners of her eyes, sharp, winged eyeliner, and lipgloss with a little blush on her cheekbones

Likes to wear lingerie as well

Dresses in clothes that show off her figure and make her feel good about herself

Weapons: None

Personality:

Sayaka can be playful and flirty, often teasing her partners. Though, she was more innocent and less confident when she was younger.

She’s pretty confident in her sexuality and enjoys making her partners feel good. 

She’s been a people pleaser since childhood, unable to say no to things even if she wanted to. This leaves her vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

She’s described as kind, selfless, and a little naive in her younger years. 

She’s also pretty social. She was quite popular in high school. 

She’s intelligent, graduating with a pretty high GPA to get into medical school. She’s developed anxiety over the years from the pressure she was under to make good use of her healing quirk, mostly from her parents.

During her marriage with Ryuji, she lost a lot of her confidence. He made her develop a lot of insecurities, breaking her down mentally so she was easier to control.

Sayaka went through a period of her life where she was very depressed and self destructive, picking up the habit of smoking, self harming, sleeping with strangers after separating from Ryuji, and drinking alcohol. Towards the finalization of her divorce, she attempted suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills.

Emotionally and physically needy. Loves affection and reassurance. She likes to be taken care of.

Likes:

Going out to drink, dance, socialize, and flirt

Taking care of her partners’ emotional and physical needs

Cuddling, kissing, sex, making out, and any form of affection or attention from her partners

She likes plushies. She has quite a few squishmallows on her bed.

Dislikes:

Being degraded or made to feel inferior in any way

Silence because of her anxiety

Being reminded of her ex-husband and their past marriage

Hobbies: 

Going out

Reading

Listening to music

Watching shows, usually on her laptop in bed

Habits: Smokes and drink alcohol

Quirk: First Aid

Able to speed up the healing process of wounds using pulses of her energy sent out from her fingertips and transferred through touch.

The more serious the wound, the more energy it takes. She can’t heal anything major without draining a lot of her own energy.

Can pass out from overuse, sleeps to recharge. If she passes out from overusing it, she will have to sleep for about thirteen hours or longer.

Cannot heal herself, only others.

A side effect of her quirk is a lingering numbness like an anesthetic. 

Skills: Can perform first aid outside of her quirk and suture wounds.

Goals: Finish medical school with a Bachelor's Degree and become a full-time nurse

Insecurities: Hates her scars and regrets “ruining” herself

Fears: Losing Toya again

Introverted or Extroverted?: Extroverted

Optimistic or Pessimistic?: Pessimistic

Favorite Color: Pink

Favorite Food: Ramen with chopped green onion and a fried egg, preferably beef ramen.

Significant Other: Toya Todoroki (Dabi)

Friends: 

Toya Todoroki (Dabi)

Fuyumi Todoroki

Kimiko (Bartender)

Enemies: 

Ryuji Nagasaki

Keigo Takami (Hawks)

Parents:

Mother: Saika Shinohara

Father: Kazuko Shinohara

Siblings: None

Childhood:

Sayaka and Toya Todoroki met when they were both six years old. They sat near each other in class, and Toya had tried to climb a tree to impress her before he fell, hurting himself. Sayaka healed him with her quirk, and they became very close friends throughout their childhood. Sayaka’s family often let Toya stay with them while he was having problems at home. The two of them often played together and had sleepovers. When they were eight years old, they made a pinky promise to get married when they grew up, so they would always be together. Sayaka was unaware of the abuse Toya was going through as a child because he hid it from her. When she saw the burns and asked what was wrong, Toya pushed her away. When Toya was thirteen, he had an accident with his quirk and “died’. Sayaka grieved him for years, having a panic attack at his funeral. Even though he was “dead”, she always hoped he was still out there.

Adolescence:

As a teen, Sayaka was under a lot of pressure from her parents to do well in school, so she could get into a good school and make good use of her healing quirk on the frontlines. As a result of this and experiencing the loss of Toya, she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression at fifteen after her parents found out she was harming herself. She received treatment with medication and therapy. She grieved Toya’s loss for years, secretly hoping he was still out there because his body was never found.

Adulthood: 

Sayaka graduated high school with a high GPA, getting into medical school and earning her Associate’s Degree in Nursing. At twenty two, she meets an upcoming Pro Hero named Ryuji Nagasaki who stops a guy from harassing her at a bar while she was out drinking with her friends. The two of them clicked and started dating fairly quickly. After a year, Sayaka and Ryuji got engaged before she moved into his apartment. Their relationship was a little rocky after getting married.They started to argue because Ryuji wanted children, but Sayaka wanted to focus on her career and was taking birth control. Ryuji became very controlling of Sayaka, telling her who she could spend time with and wear. He often gaslit her, making her think all of the problems in their marriage were because of her. He got upset at the lack of intimacy, often pressuring her to comply and lashing out when she rejected him. He became aggressive and violent throughout their marriage, throwing objects at the walls and physically abusing Sayaka as well as emotionally and verbally. Sayaka hid the abuse out of fear due to him being a Pro Hero who could ruin her reputation and the fact he was the source of income while she was only working part-time and attending medical school. She became depressed, turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms to distract herself from the reality of her situation. During this period, Ryuji was having an affair with a coworker of his. After learning Ryuji’s mistress was pregnant, Sayaka and Ryuji had a fight that resulted in her hitting him back and being choked. She attempted suicide by trying to overdose on sleeping pills that night only to be brought to the hospital by Ryuji. They got divorced after her attempt, Ryuji threatening her not to tell anyone about the abuse or he’d ruin her life. She kept quiet about it, accepting a large sum of money to keep quiet. She moves into her own apartment, coping with her trauma with drinking, sex with strangers, and smoking.

She finds Toya in a bar, not recognizing him at first because of the scars and the fact he’s technically been dead for twelve years. She recognizes him as Dabi, and ends up going home with him after spilling her secrets to him at the bar, thinking he was going to be another hookup. After revealing himself as her long-lost friend, she became emotional and expressed anger and resentment for leaving her behind. Regardless, she still loved him.

Dabi kills Ryuji Nagasaki by beating him severely and setting fire to his apartment building.

Criminal Record: None, but she is considered an accomplice due to being involved with a villain and the League of Villains

[sweetdreamspootypie]

*scream*

(ventpost)

"you know you're getting a bit old for meeting people if you want kids"

WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!

Who chose to raise us in the middle of the the fucking woods?!

Who actively deliberately isolated us from our ethnic community because you were embarrassed by how we were failures and your internalized self racism makes you think all brown men as skeevy and you specifically wanted to keep us away from them and put effort into achieving that and cutting us off from all community connection?

Who let me switch to correspondence school and study alone at home because I said I was bored, instead of giving a single solitary fuck about me and noticing I was obviously depressed?

Who raised us abstinence only to the point that any mixing with the 'opposite' sex was unacceptable?

Who actively shut down any attempt I made to develop or act on hobbies or personal interests, because the only think I should be doing is studying?

Do you think that somehow the negative effects of keeping kids at home only allowed to do schoolwork and chores and unable to drive unable to leave the house unable to get a job unable to engage in hobbies unable to engage in community unable to leave the house... somehow the negative effects only apply if you're deliberately doing it for patriarchal cult reasons?

Bitch managed to raise us fully traditional entirely by accident

With a good dash of learned helplessness with constant messaging that were incapable of managing to do anything or survive by ourselves

I've only been out the house for 3 years! And 2 of that was the last year of the degree and the first year of the job being a new grad Covid nurse in peak Covid!

I've only been able to breathe for one year!

I've had one year of freedom and I've been using it to learn how to be human for the first time!

And you've spent that year telling me to break up with everyone I happen to meet!

Don't fucking tell me I'm too old now

You were supposed to help me!

You knew I wanted kids! Why didn't you help me earlier!

You did everything you could to keep me isolated because you were projecting your own trust issues onto me and never stopped to think what effect that might have when you're raising someone!

Why does generational trauma have to be so mundane

[raspberryconverse]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Thanks for the tag @apothecarose!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not intentionally. My first name is my cousin's middle name and my middle name is my aunt's (her mom) middle name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Like 3 hours ago because Spouse was yelling to me about my hoodie that I left somewhere randomly after they asked me to throw some towels in the wash and I just got overwhelmed. Yay depression!

3. Do you have kids?

no

4. What sports do you play/have played?

I played roller derby in Milwaukee's rec league. I want to get back into it now that I'm in Chicago (I had a problem with the Brewcity Bruisers, which is why I stopped), but I'm not sure my body will let me.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Never, lol

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Maybe eye color? IDK

7. What’s your eye color?

green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I cannot stand scary movies.

9. Any talents?

I can sing and I used to play violin. I'm also a pretty good email developer (one of my superiors called me a powerhouse). Hello Fresh has made me decent at cooking too.

10. Where were you born?

Kenosha, WI

11. What are your hobbies?

reading, knitting, cross stitch, designing cross stitch patterns

12. Do you have any pets?

2 dogs and a cat

Lola Lou:

She's a Pitbull/AmStaff/Boxer mix. She's 11 (her face is more gray now). She used to be my mom's dog, but I insisted on taking her after she passed away.

Mable Ann:

She's half German Shepherd, half 13 other breeds, including 2% Basset Hound, thus the short legs. She's 4.

Meeah May:

She's a Turkish Angora mix. She'll be 17 next month. She's old, crotchety and refuses to die, despite having asthma and stage 1 kidney failure.

13. How tall are you?

5'2"ish

14. Favorite subject in school?

Choir and photography

15. Dream job?

Singer or Music Director at WXRT. But honestly, I really enjoy my job because the only day I worked most of the day this week was yesterday. Monday, Tuesday and today I did a little work in the morning and had literally nothing else to do for the rest of the day. I'm also really good at it and the rest of the marketing team all really appreciates and is impressed with my work and who doesn't love hearing that?

I guess I'm supposed to tag 15 people, most of which I'm sure will have already been tagged, so here goes: @a-noble-dragon, @catandherfandoms, @flamingohistorian, @beck404, @jettestar, @mallpretzles, @ramonaflow, @grapehyasynth, @goodiecornbread, @hullomoon, @tyfinn, @jesuisici33, @madlori, @olinsghost and @jamilas-pen No pressure, obvs

[kassymalone]

Your plots and characters are so engaging, how do you do it? Where there any books or book series that may have helped shape your style of writing, or did you just keep writing fanfics until your writing kept improving and you developed your own style?

Hello, quiet one! Thanks for the compliment, and the question!

I wouldn't say there's one particular book or series that inspired me. Last time I moved house, over 20 of the boxes were just my books! Not even kidding... I've got horror, I've got romance, I've got sci-fi, dragons, LGBT+, bildungsroman, thrillers, manga, high fantasy, reference books... it's a lot. Variety is the spice of life!

I think understanding why you do or don't like what you're reading is very important to engagement. The last book I remember absolutely hating was something I thought I would enjoy (haunted castle in Japan? Yes please!), but the writing was so verbose and the characters so flat, their actions made no sense in reality and there was a subplot about suicidal depression that seemed to disappear after the first chapter...? It was frustrating to finish, and I've always thought that a bad example can be an excellent teacher.

I was always called a daydreamer as a kid, not paying attention and 'away with the fairies' (which was completely true), but I was always thinking of stories. Even to this day, on the bus to and from work I'm thinking of the next chapters, playing it out twelve different ways before picking the one I like the most to actually write down. The second I don't need to be paying attention to the real world, I'm off with my characters seeing what would happen if things went this way this time...

God, this sounds pretentious. Sorry.

As for characters... what makes a character engaging is very difficult and highly subjective. My personal rule is 'it has to make sense'. For example, using Sun and Moon in the fic I'm currently writing, if I randomly put in that they enjoyed making bread, that would make no sense. They're robots, they can't eat, they hate mess, they don't like any humans enough to make the effort anyway, Sun doesn't have the patience for baking and Moon would just point out that there's sliced bread in the kitchen l already. Could there be another story where them baking bread does make sense? Sure, but the way I've written this one!

And finally, you've kind of hit the nail on the head - I have A LOT of experience in this. The first story I finished writing was 80 pages long, and I was very proud of it, but I was 11 so it was probably pretty bad XD I seem to recall there was a dragon involved? I've been writing ever since, both fanficiton and original stuff. I put it aside for a few years in my early twenties during those horrible years I was trying to be 'normal' (because none of the adults I knew at the time had any hobbies, so I thought it was something I had to grow out of, but that's another story...), and the second I picked it up again my mental health improved so much, I can't even tell you.

While my life-long dream of actually being published may never come true (turns out it's really fucking hard, who knew?), just being able to write makes me incredibly happy. I think wanting to do something really shines through in the end result, and if you're really engaged with what you're writing then the reader will be able to tell.

Plus, y'know... practice, practice, practice.

[totowlff]

Gotta say, I hope it doesn't feel like criticism, because it's more of my impressions to the natural character development, but sometimes it feels like Elizabeth is getting bland. She's my favorite, don't get me wrong but she does come across as spoiled and bratty and a shadow of Toto and her former self. Reading that out loud sounds harsh, but I'm struggling to put it into words 😂 I hope I don't sound too bitchy, because I genuinely love star-crossed and I'm not talking about your writing (that is awesome) but the character. Like, she used to be so empowered, hard working, witty... And now it feels like she has no hobby, no interests, gives out way too easy, no backbone. Your Toto, on the other hand, *chef's kiss*. I love how complex and tridimensional he is. Even his flaws seems real, he has things happening to him, he fights for what he wants. I loved the fight. I love that they have issues to fix, that part was great. And I truly understand her point, communication is key and it sucks to feel silenced by your significant other. But considering she puts communication up on her list, she is not particularly communicative, you see? Her response was shutting him out for way too long and wanting to break up. Immature and spoiled. I truly have mixed feelings about her 😂 again, I hope I don't sound entitled and you take it the wrong way; I truly love star-crossed and I love your writing.

Ps: tumblr is not showing your notifications so it took me a while to read the update, but I swear I'm a loyal fan.

Xo

well, a long message deserves a long answer, which will come with a bit of plot and character discussion, so if you want to make sure you don't get any spoilers, i recommend not reading what's after the cut

i understand this impression about liesl and i personally agree with it. elisabeth is a shadow of her former self at the beginning of the story. but this is, oddly enough, intentional and part of the plot.

something that is implied and that, perhaps, it is worth mentioning, is that liesl has depression. she finds it difficult to find pleasure in the activities she used to enjoy and is particularly emotionally fragile. the chaotic way in which she handled the issue of the fight with toto is a result of the chaotic way in which she is feeling everything. toto is one of the few sources of joy in her life and the situation has hurt deeper than it normally should.

still on the topic of the fight, another point worth mentioning is the age gap between toto and elisabeth. he's 16 years her senior, has been married with two kids, while she's only just entered her 30s and, in a way, has never had a relationship as long and serious as that one. combined with the fact that she's going through a tough time mentally, we have this relationship that is both intense and complex.

the fact that you have mixed feelings for elisabeth is totally normal and personally that's what i'm after. she is not a heroine. she is a normal woman with normal problems and normal issues inside her. she is hypocritical, needy, and to some extent spoiled (remember niki saying she was his little princess?). however, she cares about people, is dedicated and intense. when i write, i try my best to bring this gray area of people to the fore. i don't expect you to agree with everything my characters do, but to question, to think. it's their humanity there.

about your message, i didn't see it as a criticism, but as a comment, an opinion. everyone has the right to say what they think of my work, as long as it's respectful, like you did. and i appreciate you taking the time to bring your vision to me. it means a lot to me that you, as well as many others, care enough to bring up this comment.

[dollfacevn]

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE

Doll face contains sensitive subjects like bullying, stalking, murdering, occult stuff, mental illnesses(Depression, anxiety, more to be added), gore, derealization, suicide/self harm, and creepy imagery in general. If these topics trigger you then please do NOT interact. More trigger warnings will be added as I progress the story.

Doll Face is a visual novel

Everyone gets magic when they are 16, not you though. Because of that you have been outcasted by society. Yearning for friends, you make them through dolls. However, it isn't enough for you. You turn to other ways in order to make them come alive. At first it doesn't work but when you wake up all of them are alive!

Note: years have passed since you were supposed to get magic and when you first made the dolls, you're at LEAST 18 now

FAQ

If I make "Doll Face" content, can I tag you in it?- Yup! I would LOVE to be tagged in any fan content! It makes me so happy and overjoyed to see people making stuff for Doll Face. I'm happy that others are interested in my stories and characters.

Are we allowed to send asks interacting with the Li's? - Yeah! I think it would also help me write the characters better for when I write their routes.

Characters

Jondi: Jondi is the first doll you ever made. She's a joyful, loyal and sincere doll. She cares a lot about you and her other doll friends. Her hobby is making her friends smile and laugh.

Aiden: The second doll you made. He's a sweet and gentle plant lover. It's rare to see him without his dearest plant. Often checks up on you. You're one of the people he can speak to without getting super nervous.

Bao: The timid astrologist. Quiet and shy in front of others, talkative in front of the stars. Want to get them to speak, ask about anything space related.

Bartholomew: A mystery. They're quiet and don't talk a lot and the others are kind of scared of them. Ehren's older brother.

Eevi: A clown! They LOOVE making people laugh. Her and Jondi have a playful rivalry. Gets upset when it doesn't make people laugh but it will NEVER give up.

Ehren: An assassin. They aren't bad at their job but at first glance you would think they are. They space out a lot and they're kind of clumsy. Bartholomew's younger sibling.

Bix: A total flirt. They turn everything they can into an innuendo. Gets on everyone's nerves and enjoys it.

Charon: The headstrong knight. Comes across as rude but is very protective. He means the best for you and his friends.

TAGS

#💗-Jondi

#🌻-Aiden

#🔭-Bao

#🕯️-Bartholomew

#🤡-Eevi

#🔪- Ehren

#🏩-Bix

#🗡️-Charon

#💌-fan content

#🔞-minors dni

#🪡-Doll Face

#🎤-Asks

#🥀-Angst

#☁️-Fluff

#🌟-abt star

DNI/RULES

Proship

Ageless in bio(either put your age/birthday in your bio, or you can send me a message telling me your age, if none of those I’ll block you)

I won’t be writing any gross out kink or anything like that.

If you’re a minor please don’t interact with my content that is 18+, especially since the base content won’t be 18+ so you can still get content.

Please be patient with me

I’d prefer it if younger kids(14-) didn’t interact with this blog because there will be swearing and triggering topics, thank you.

I’m happy to take criticism on anything and will take it into consideration. What I won’t listen to is any hate comments without criticism, I’ll just block you.

If you're going to send in an NSFW ask, please turn off anon, otherwise I'm not gonna respond to it or I'll make it SFW, thank you!

More might be added/changed to most sections as I develop this blog

[whimsypals]

GROUP 2, WHIMSY PALS

BLOG: SELF IMPROVEMENT

(MALAYO KA PA, PERO MALAYO KANA RIN)

In our journey in life, some situations happen that we have no control over, whether they will benefit us or not. We were at some point in our lives where we were vulnerable. We believe we have got life figured out. We start assuming that we are now invisible and nobody can dare touch us and harm us. However, it is a mistake to think like that. Life will never cease to inspire us. At every point, we will have something new to learn about life. We will all pass on the journey of self-development and self-improvement for some time now.

We are different individuals; We came from divergent households and had different experiences in life. As we grew as an adult, the changes we made to ourselves are unnoticeable. There is a Filipino line that we have learned recently that is “Malayo pa, pero malayo kana”. Wherein we thought that there was no progress made to improve ourselves. However, day by day, we have realized that we are working on the best version of ourselves.

For me, I have realized my improvements when I participated in one of our P.E activities. This particular P.E activity,we had recreational games that we used to play when we were kids. Before, I didn’t participate in these kinds of activities because I’m afraid that I might lose the game and cannot take the embarrassment/teasing games with my classmate. But recently, I was able to participate and had fun. I was able to play like a kid, A kid that doesn’t care If I tripped or fell or even lost a game. I was happy wherein I was able to share that very moment to my mother and sister when I got home from school. It made me realize that it was an improvement to me because I used to be a timid person when I was in junior year.

I also admitted to myself that I regretted and had shortcomings that were out of my control. I was hesitant to try new things and explore because I always think about the possible results or what will happen first before trying. I’m not a fan of outdoor activities, as I undoubtedly feel scared. I’m having a hard time expressing myself and sharing my opinions because of the fear of other people's judgment. I’m always bothered by what they are gonna say about me. Their impression of me.But, when I stepped up to my senior year, I was able to be more open and expressive to the people around me. This started on a slow movement, but little by little, I was also able to share my thoughts and opinions. I am no longer scared of everyone’s judgment as long as I’m on the right path. Also I started doing outdoor activities to explore more and try to see the good side of it. I am now looking forward to the enjoyment and experiences I will encounter in the future.

Along with this topic, I would share some of our classmates' self-improvement they realized. Let’s start with Axel, Axel has improved in 3 different ways. They are emotionally, mentally, and Physically. Axel was addicted to online games and had an unhealthy lifestyle, to alter this kind of addiction, he started to lessen the gaming time, and find a new hobby that could direct his attention as a good way to avoid going back to online games. This also led him to a healthy lifestyle where he was able to learn and explore other things that might get his attention and interest. When talking about emotion, he was used to being short-tempered and having negative thoughts or impressions. He used to think negatively. As soon as he realized this was a toxic reaction, he tried to handle things carefully and calmly. He thinks first before reacting to things that might make his temper snapped.On the physical, he often got involved in fights, but as he realized that being involved in fights won’t do any good for him. He was able to avoid or settle things by taking the situations on a calm matter.

Fev, a peer of mine who shared her story about her fights in depression. She suffered depression and also had a hard time hiding her confidence. She suffered depression and also had a hard time building her confidence. She told us that she changed a lot. It was a long and personal story but we were able to point out those improvements she made for herself. Day by day she slowly builds her confidence as she meets her new set of friends and is surrounded by people who care for her. It made her realize that self-improvement is not a sudden transformation that happens suddenly, it takes time to heal. What matters to her is that you make progress everyday.

Jade, a person who doesn’t care about what other people are up to. As long as she’s doing better, She’s getting better at understanding and appreciating other people’s viewpoints as a human. She understands that she needs to be mindful of how other people are feeling and acting in certain circumstances. She ought to be able to recognize when her words or deeds are harming other people, in which case she ought to apologize.

Other individuals share their self-improvement and how they build their version of themselves. Some have learned to embrace their insecurities because they realize that having them will not make them any less of a person. Some people keep working on their emotions and how they can express themselves; it takes them a long time to express themselves to other people. But, as time went by, they improved, not being scared to express what to say in the crucial situations that they had to deal with. So they won’t get misunderstood about their thoughts and their responses, and in that way, they won’t be tormenting themselves or anyone else anymore.

Reading and writing this. You'll notice that they're all trying to improve themselves and making sure they're always learning something new. Self-improvement is a thing that is usually negligible or ignored when people think it’s a small one. If you make a notable development that changes the situation in society, many people will recognize you as an amazing person for making that significant improvement on your own.

However, self-improvement is all about the individual's perspective; whether their self-improvements are big enough or not, it is entirely up to them to label them. It may be a minor improvement for you, but it is a massive improvement for them. Improving yourself will take time, but you will get there. I remember someone telling me that if you see that other people have their own spotlight and it's growing, don’t get jealous because you also have your own. Just wait for it, and while you're waiting, just clap for other people who have their own spotlight. Just trust the process.

Contributors to the writing include:

Rico, Nicole Bernadette C.

Rodriguez, Juliana S.

Roquita, Jade

Romero, Samantha

Quiatchon, Flory Mae

Tabirao, Ma. Veah

Umuso, Fevelyn Michaela

Peligon, David Jaspher

Alano, John Marvin

Abella, John Axel

[ashketchupppp]

I literally created both a Twitter account and a tumblr account just so I can get my bkdk fix. *cough cough* as if my handle didn’t give it away. Now idk if anyone will read this but I just need somewhere to quite literally dump my thoughts bc I have been nonstop chatting my partner’s ear off and I know he’s hella fucking over it. He’s just too nice to tell me to stfu and I don’t have any friends who are into anime/manga. I never intended to write something myself but I just need to put my thoughts out there. Don’t expect anything analytical from me because that ain’t who I am. I just made the accounts to be a spectator and selfishly consume all of your talents out there who feed my longing for bkdk content.

A quick (yet not so quick) backstory - I got introduced to MHA on a whim. It all started back in October of last year (2022) when my partner decided to start watching the anime. He’s an avid manga reader but had never watched the MHA anime. He played it on tv while I went about my own interests and hobbies. But one day the plot caught my attention and I vaguely remember it was during the sports festival arch and I was hooked ever since. He also only watches sub so I found myself more hooked on it since I couldn’t just listen to what was going on. I had to watch so I could read the subs. Something that suddenly was just his became our thing and shortly after that very much became my thing. I needed to keep binge watching just to see what would happen. As he warned me that at the rate we were going at we’d be caught up I panicked and was like how will I get my fix?! To buying the manga we go! I bought both the physical volumes to prepare myself ahead of time. Christmas rolled around and having just gone on vacation where 90% of the people at our resort were reading (including my partner on his kindle) I felt left out for not taking a book. As a Xmas present he bought me a kindle and loaded it up with all of the MHA volumes.

It wasn’t until January 6th that I picked up the manga (since we were all caught up and waiting for real time episodes of the anime to release). Work was slow and I found myself bored at my desk so I decided eh why not kill that boredom and read. I started from the very beginning as I missed out on details having strapped myself along for the ride in the anime a few episodes in and being told that the anime doesn’t always cover every detail of the manga. It took me 20 days (less actually bc I took a week or so break to restart the anime to watch those details I had missed out on) to read the entire manga and catch up to real time chapter releases.

I was going through a big depressive episode a couple weeks back and nothing brought me as much joy and comfort as MHA did. So I blasted through the manga. I caught myself just wanting to readddddd to catch up to the action and what was currently going on as I had run into a couple of spoilers courtesy of the IG algorithm that caught onto my newly found obsession with MHA.

However, after catching up on reading I realized I both knew what happened but I also felt like I didn’t? Like I just read so much and had to process it all that I was like I need to go back and read and take the time to actually digest it. It was at this time that I was just also kinda over the whole pitting Ochako and Deku as romantic interests plot. When I watched the anime (and read the manga the first time) I thought they were cute. So awkward, clearly just HS kids learning how to be around those of the opposite gender and developing crushes. So naive. Really took me to thinking of those HS days where you crush on someone. The anime in particular does a good job at selling this to you and so did the early stages of the manga (something I noticed after I started my second reading).

However, as I re-read and re-watched I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it bothered me so much. Suddenly, something that was supposedly laid out to be obvious didn’t feel so obvious and the lack of development from that romantic plot sizzled and was very much one sided and felt forced and out of place.

It was a random post that came across my IG feed (again, hello algorithm) about bkdk. At first I was like it’s cute, but I don’t see it. But as I kept going through my second reading I was like wait, no. I can see it. I would come across all of these cutesy fan art accounts and posts of the two and idk why but it gave me butterflies?! At this point it was just that, running into and seeking out fan art of the two as a couple. But then I started thinking, ok the fan art is cute but is there more out there other than fan art? Not sure what I was really after I googled something really simple like “are bakugo and Deku really in love” and low and behold I ran into tumblr accounts that actually analyzed the manga and connected the dots for me.

I’ve never thought of myself to be a strong reader. I mean, yes I’m a strong reader in the sense that I don’t stumble on words when reading out loud and can get through books. BUT what I mean is I was never one of those students who did well in English class and especially when we had to annotate and analyze books and writing samples. I could never really dig into the text and see the obvious themes and subtext that everyone else, including the teacher, did.

So having ran into these tumblr accounts posting their analysis of the series I just felt a moment of eureka! Like I’m not crazy. People see this in the same way I do but just more factually and analytically. And this isn’t a ship because it’s cutesy. There’s so many intricate and complicated yet delicated layers to their relationship which is why it makes it so much more believable.

Anyways, here I am writing this because I have been suffering from bkdk brain rot for the past like week and it’s only getting worse. I feel like Cady from Mean Girls - where I spend most of my time talking to my partner about bkdk and MHA. And when someone else (him included) is talking I wish they’d bring it up full on knowing they won’t because they don’t care it or aren’t into anime/manga/MHA.

Thank you to all of those accounts that have given my substance and have kept my bkdk obsession fed. I don’t know much about the manga world or Shonen (as I’m a noob) so idk if Horikoshi will go through with it but I’m rooting for bkdk. As a straight female I am soooo over your classic boy meets girl and they fall in love storyline. I’m also the girl falls in love and suddenly is sidelined as just their partner and their potential as a character gets deduced to just that. If this truly gets revealed to be a love story between Izuku and Kacchan I will literally never shut about out it. I will scream, cry, throw up out of happiness. If it doesn’t happen I will quite literally become feral and scream into the void for who knows how long. I’ll even take Hori not making Izuku and Ochaco canon. Not hate against those who want that and like it, everyone is entitled to their opinions. But I just cannot see it and don’t want it to be established.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[sqbr]

Also

1) The world is changing too, and there are new helpful tools being created every day.

2) It's not always even a matter of getting better at doing things per se, so much as getting better at knowing how to make your limited abilities work for you.

Example 1: As a kid/teen in the 80s and 90s, I desperately wanted to make video games with pretty pictures and lots of narrative, but didn't have the programming ability or computing power to make them. But nowadays there are heaps of options for making this kind of game much more easily. I have gotten much better at art and programming, but child me would still have a much easier time with modern tools than they did having to literally code in each pixel in BASIC. The day I discovered Renpy my ability to make games jumped dramatically, and not because of any change in me.

Example 2: I sucked at sewing at school. One of the big problems was that I simply cannot consistently sew along the right lines. I thought that I would never get much better at this and I was right. Not only is my coordination still terrible, I have since developed a range of new physical and attention related problems. I would probably still do pretty badly at the sort of sewing projects we got assessed on at school. And yet, I am now able to use sewing to create clothing I like.

A hobby of 3d modelling has helped me imagine shapes in three dimensions. Therapy and meds helped me stop feeling so overwhelmed and depressed by difficult challenges. Years of experimentation has taught me what kinds of clothing are hardest to find in stores, and will bring me the most joy.

Having older richer friends meant I could ask one to buy me a good, easy to use sewing machine as a wedding gift. I tried sewing simple patterns. Everything still came out wonky and badly fitted. But! I learned what specific types of sewing I was worst at, and the ways conventional patterns don't fit me.

I learned about t-shirt modification, a kind of simple sewing that produced satisfying results even with my limited skills. Those limited skills improved a bit. I tried modifying other sorts of clothes, with very mixed success.

I found a website with patterns that could be adapted to fit my unusual shape, and had the knowledge to choose patterns that are hard to find in stores, easy for me to make, make me happy, and don't look too bad with wonky seams. The first couple of tries had issues, but I was able to learn from every failure and still got some clothes out of it.

And so, finally, after 30 years, I have sewed clothing I really like from scratch. And even though those 30 years did contain a lot of mistakes and unwearable clothing, there were successes and fun along the way too. And I'm curious to see what I end up making next!

Adulting advice: if you think you can’t do a thing because you tried it as a child or teenager and you sucked really badly: try it again.

You may not notice it, but as an adult you continue gaining motor skills, insight, problem solving skills and above all patience and resilience in the face of failure. Also puberty can be a nightmare. For some of us it’s just harder to do things when we’re full of insecurities, low impulse control and focus, heightened emotions, etc. A thing that was hard for 15 year old you might not be hard for 25 or 35 or 45 years old you.

I thought I was the absolute worst at sowing because I tried to learn it in my teenage years and failed spectacularly at the most basic tasks. Turns out I just didn’t have the patience and focus for it yet. I tried it again recently and it didn’t take long at all to learn how to make my own clothes. (And oh my, being able to make any outfit I want in any fabric is a queer superpower.)

It really sucks that we’re told quite early in life what our talents are and we end up assuming that there are some things we’re just not good at, when the truth is that learning as an adult is just completely different from learning as a child.

[straycatboogie]

2023/02/28 English

BGM: Wes Montgomery : Days Of Wine And Roses

Today was a day off. This morning I went to AEON and read Yoshio Kataoka's "Coffee calls" with Wes Montgomery's music. Suddenly, I had an idea, "what on earth I am doing here?". Indeed, I basically like reading, but I am just doing this hobby only and not have any family or kids. My life is just wandering from here to there, so it made me down. But then, I should think that the people who are not "productive" can't be there in this world? How about the people who aren't working, or can't work and sometimes treated as a waste? Me, once, I was certainly a NEET, and that situation gave me a certain serious pressure and got sick from that. I want to think that we can live without any productive attitude, and also enjoy our lives, primary.

When I was a college student, at the season that springtime exactly was coming like now, I had a strong depression. It was too early for job hunting, and I couldn't find any good part-time job, so (it was embarrassing but) I relied on my parents' money and did nothing but hangout the whole day, getting bored too much. Now I think that I would go traveling, fishing, or choose to read Marcel Proust's "In Search Of Lost Times" if I had such a boring time. Anyway, I felt a crisis of feeling, "what on earth I am doing?" and had a depression. I entered a university, but I needed to have another, quite a different tactic to survive, and I couldn't find it. It was a really hard time.

At that time, we had a large incident with AUM and I wondered "how should I live this life?" and "what could be the best life for me or this world?". Now, I have found some answers through this life. But anyway, life is basically long, so sometimes people can wonder what they are doing or what they want to do. I am also a lost person. Reading was for me the way to measure myself. Once, in a room of my apartment, I was into Paul Auster's "Moon Palace" and thought about how the main character's fate and his feelings could be. These ideas bring me that I should read Souseki Natsume, a Japanese legendary author who wrote about that kind of "a stray sheep", again. Or I might choose Charles Bukowski.

This evening, I went to the English conversation class. Today, we had a topic that the teachers got injured by skiing, and talked about "how can be the difference of the system of health care". It was really difficult because I have never learned about the system of American health care. I also showed how I don't know about "Obama care". I have to admit this. Once I had my mind closed and just drank a lot every day, so can't remember those miserable days. I can't even remember 3.11 and Fukushima. What a shame... but I said that "American society is based on capitalism, so doctors developed their service for the rich people", "It might be influenced by Neo-liberalism with the motto of 'Only the strong survive'", and "Japan has the tradition of helping each other and we Japanese achieved great safety net". Oh my, what an easy-going like Junji Takada, a Japanese famous comedian.

[chichiscloset]

3 Ways To Activate Your Main Character Energy🌸

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲!

I thought Ms. Robyn Rhianna Fenty would be the prime example of resting in your femininity and simply being the main character in your life! After watching The Savage Fenty’s 3rd fashion show on Amazon Prime Video, and seeing Rhianna walk out in the end (like the baddie she was). I could almost feel her energy oozing from my computer screen. Her sensuality, confidence & beauty was absolutely breathtaking! The way she glides across the stage like she owned it put me in a trance.

At that moment, it clicked in my head that I needed to make a blog post on Main character energy. The energy& Confidence that Rhianna has acquired over time IS OBTAINABLE! Of course, she did not become the femme fatale we both love, lust, and adore overnight! It took hard work and dedication!

The secret is, is that it’s all in your head! Our minds are the most powerful thing we own, we have the power to bend and change our reality! If you’ve been following my blog for a bit, I'm sure you’ve seen me reblog & like posts about manifesting. So, I will not bore you on that.I'll sum this up in a sentence. If you change your mentality, and your thoughts ( both conscious and unconscious). Over time, along with hard work and dedication. The universe will change your reality!

3 𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐔𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮!

Main character energy is simply putting yourself first in your own life! Its a common misconception is that “Main Character Energy” is all selfish & not Caring about others. This is NOT. TRUE. If you were a people pleaser like me long ago I had the habit of putting others' needs before my own. After doing that for almost 19 years, a few months before my 20th birthday. I started my level-up journey & put myself first. Being a people pleaser at that time, used to have me feeling drained, I fell into a deep depression to the point where I neglected my hygiene!! This phenomenon is called your “Wounded Feminine” I'll make a post on this phenomenon next week so stay tuned! But for now, here are some tips that helped for the past year and a half.

𝟏. 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞!

Thanks to social media, we tend to have a habit of looking at the profiles of people who are no longer in our lives, reminiscing about the past.  This could be an ex-lover, friend or a family member(s). When you Focus on the past and not in the present moment, it will leave you lost, and feeling like the side character in your own story! You must get out of that bad habit energy! By following this strategy, it helped me to make myself the center of my life again & grow as a person. The people who are not in your life anymore, do not deserve your time, thoughts, and attention any more. Regardless if you walked out of their lives or if they left you. If you need to do a social media cleanse, do it! If you need to block people for your own sanity do it! You need to move forward in your life. Dwelling on the past will serve you no good. This is not a skill you will master overnight, I'm still trying to master this myself. However, once you begin doing this unconsciously, You will begin resting within your main character's energy. This is the MOST important skill on this list.

𝟐. 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬

Growing up, I used to have so many hobbies! However as a young adult, I looked at my current life and realized I don't even have half of the hobbies I used to do as a kid. It's quite a common phenomenon among most adults. I'm convinced it's because of capitalism, social media & technology. We tend to work so much during the week, that we never have time to develop & work on our hobbies. The little time we have do have to spend, is with our eyes glued to a screen! Eating away hours, and hours of our lives. It sad if you think about it, all for the pursuit of money!

Think about all the things, you used to do as a child. It might have been painting, playing an instrument, video gaming, etc. Having a go-to activity that you can do solo, can remind you that you are capable of doing amazing things! It's a great way to build your identity & social capital! When you have a hobby you enjoy, not only does it makes you look better in some people's eyes. You're consciously putting yourself first! THAT is exactly what it means to thrive in your main character energy

𝟑. 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

Romanticizing your life is a simple & cost-efficient way to rest in your Main Character Energy. A strategy I use to help me romanize my life, is by picking out: one or two things I enjoy, and gave me a sense of pleasure! An activity that uses all of your 5 senses. Alright let’s take a break from reading.. I want you take the time to think of at least two things in your life that gives you a sense of pleasure! 🙂  take note either on paper or in your head. Before 2021 ends my goal for you, is to engage in at least one activity that gives you a sense of pleasure! I’ll share an experience that recently helped me romanticize my life, and put me and In my main character energy!

Last month, I had the most amazing bath of my life! I got myself some cheap wine from my local grocery store; Filled up my bathtub with bubbles and lavender. (for relaxation) Poured myself a glass of Chardonnay, then I went straight inside my bathtub & played some Summer Walker. I completely Allowed myself just "to be" and relax. Engaging in all of my 5 senses. Just thinking about it makes me want to do it all over again!

When begin to romanize your life, you put yourself as the main character in your life! Start focusing on doing something that gives you joy throughout the day, and whatever makes you happy!  ❤️

What are some things you do to feel like the Main Character in your life?

Start a discussion in the comments

Until next time my loves!

(chichi xo)

Want to see more posts like these? Follow @miss-femme-fatale​ for more!

[hopepunkislearningtohope]

I do not miss being ignorant, I do not miss adults never taking me seriously. I do not miss having no control over my life, being forced into religion or when to eat or what to eat. I do not miss the lack of autonomy and I like having the independence that I do.

I still dream of a better world, a better life, and now that I am an adult I can make physical, tangible changes to make that a reality for myself. This is something you have to learn. If it's stolen from you, you must take it back and hold on to it dearly. It is my survival.

I will never miss the feeling of confusion without the means to sort that confusion out. The language for it, the background knowledge that comes with having lived longer. The room to think and draw my own conclusions, make my own solutions.

I am still young. I have much to learn and do, much to develop and change. Many more responsibilities to come, and hobbies to start and maintain in earnest. I do not have the room now to do everything I want to do, I do not have the funds or the energy, but I have more freedom and I am more capable and I am more knowledgeable about myself as well as what is reasonable to want and have.

School was the worst time of my life and not just because of school. I was too young to be truly smart and I was too young to take my life into my own hands. I was too old to be childish and too old to have fun the way I wanted to. I never got enough sleep, which is never good but especially not when you're still developing. I developed an eating disorder when I was 12. I was abused more in my early teens than I have ever been in my life before or after. My depression hit an all time low from 13-17. I dropped out of school in 11th grade because I felt so awful all the time and I didn't want to keep drowning in homework. I got diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety and depression in 7th grade. It almost helped. I was forced to go to church and to take a religious class in school with the perceived threat of being kicked out if I didn't. I was a child who knew my parent's religion wasn't only wrong, but actively dangerous. I had to go anyway.

There is no innocence in being your parents' property. No matter how much they say they love you and no matter how much they try to show that love to you, even if it's all true! You are not your own person and you feel that deeply in every bone when you're 13.

You're figuring yourself out and that is a very strenuous journey. It's even worse when you aren't given the room to explore and be yourself. When your parents and teachers and peers and neighbors all want to mold you into someone you're not. When you're talked down to, when you start to feel stupid because you are perceived to be stupid, when you act indignant about some unrealistic or unnecessary rules and you're told that just how it is or "because I said so" (at best).

I am doing much better now and while I could be doing a hell of a lot better, I feel more secure in myself and my relationships. I have more control over my life and most adults treat me with respect. I'm listened to! I have my own cats and a partner who loves me and I them very, very much! I am stressed too much but I am still able to laugh and be kind. I don't love being around kids very much but I want each and every one of them to have a better world. I want 13 year olds to retain childlike wonder and joy and to keep their dreams and never be broken! I never want to make any kid feel like I've ignored them or condescended to them. I want them to know for a goddamn fact that I respect them and will do anything I can to advocate for them, because so many people my age and older never got that. We all deserve better

I fucking despise when a middle schooler is like “I hate being 13.” and everyone is like “Oh honey, it only gets worse. You don’t know the meaning of struggle.” like no. Let’s be honest. 12-15 is a really difficult age to be. It’s usually when you start waking up to how fucked up the world around you is but you’re still so young and immature that you can’t begin to fix it. It’s a time of horrible change, mentally, physically, prospective-wise.

Personally, it was when the onset of my mental illness developed. My parents’ marriage dissolved in a series of drunk sometimes violent arguments, I was stuck in the house with them, helpless to leave. I would rather kill myself than be 13 again in all honesty. The best part of being 13/14 is that you’ll never be 13/14 again.

[cimmunist]

I did Cimmerian, now it's time for Clef! Like before, the one on the left is my main interpretation and the one I use in mine and my friend's, @bluethepearldiver, AU Gods and Pawns. The one on the right is the @ask-dr-cimmerian version. I put a more detailed overview under the cut, feel free to skip the blog version if you don't want spoilers.

GaP/Main interpretation of Clef:

Species: Immortal human (in most of the versions of the AU)

Age: Unspecified, really fucking old

Gender/orientation: Doesn't use labels, but if I have to specify he's non-binary, on the acearo spectrum and mostly prefers men

Pronouns: Any, prefers he/they

Ethnicity/nationality: Middle eastern, comes from Eden

Job: Department Head of training and development, an O5 or field agent in some of the versions of the AU

Appearance: 5'7'' plus size man, though weight fluctuates during the story, as he forgets to eat during a lot of stress. Two eyes, right is green, left is blue and hazel. Has sharp teeth, covered in scars, the biggest one being the x shaped scar on his chest, later on, gets a snake-shaped scar carved into his right arm. Naturally black/dark brown hair that's greying, uses his reality-bending to make it blonde because he's too lazy to dye it. Always carries around a star-shaped pin.

Personality & health:

Outgoing, charming loudmouth

Lies quite a lot, likes to tell clearly exacerbated stories (people just got used to it)

Cheerful and easily excitable

A huge bastard, loves to tease his friends and coworkers

Not afraid to speak his mind when needed, can be quite abrasive

Avoids confrontation when it comes to personal matters

Doesn't get angry easily, but when he does he gets quiet and stern

Will never cry in public, usually just in private or in front of people he trusts

Struggles a lot with PTSD (which is a problem when you can literally bend reality around you) and later on depression

Relationships:

Love interests: Bright, Kondraki and Cimmerian

Exes: Lilly (abusive + a God, bad combination), Kushim (friend's oc)

Friends: Aaron/Administrator/O5-1A (work acquaintance), Joseph Tamlin (brief old friend), Etienne Baudelaire (old friend, friend's oc), Lilith (best friend), Sophia Light (close-ish work friend), Maveth (friend, oc), Dory (old friend, oc), Lucy (old friend), Raphael (old friend)

Family: Brother to Eve/O5-1B and Kineret (oc, deceased), brother-in-law to Adam, uncle to a bunch of kids including Abel/076 and Cain/073. Had a daughter, Rut, with Kushim and a daughter, Meri, with Lilly.

Trivia:

Mostly known for two things: his great distaste and disrespect to gods, and his talent to almost dying but somehow getting away still alive (lovingly called a cockroach by the grim reaper for it)

Has literally fought gods 3 different times and survived, this list keeps on growing, somebody stop this man

Favourite hobby is probably annoying the death itself

How his immortality works: after he dies his body heals and he comes back to life

Loosely followed the 4231 canon, with some big changes to fit his backstory

Deathly afraid of deep water and drowning (ironic for an immortal)

Literally considered a Saint in one of the religions? Absolutely despises that fact

Real name is Abishai, but doesn't mind going by Abby or any of his many, many nicknames

Actually physically fought Adam Bright before, wouldn't mind doing it again

Very close with his sister

His other sister, Kineret, died saving him. He has major survivor guilt over it.

Actually helped create the foundation, since his sister is the founder, but dipped almost immediately after and started working for the GOC

Rejoined many years later, in exchange for protecting Meri and letting him see her from time to time

Meri was born around the time ancient rome still existed and he was actually able to raise her, they're very close

Met Jack sometime in the 1920s-30s, he was Clef's first real friend in the Foundation

Actually the reason Kondraki got recruited

Contrary to popular belief, he can play on his ukulele very well and can write songs, he just chooses not to

Knows a lot of languages

Both a reality bender and a reality anchor, unable to be affected by other reality benders

Actually is a lot more powerful reality bender than he lets on

Got his X shaped scar on the chest from Lilly

Used to travel a lot and didn't liked to be tied to one spot

Blog version of Clef:

Species: Nephilim, half-human half-angel

Age: 98, looks ~40

Gender: Non-binary/genderqueer

Orientation: Oriented aroace/ ace demi-homoromantic

Pronouns: Any

Ethnicity/nationality: Mixed middle eastern, raised in Cornwall

Job: Liaison for the Ethics Committee

Appearance: 5'5'' plus-sized man. Has three eyes, one right green one, two left ones, one blue one hazel. Has sharp teeth, is covered in scars, the biggest one being an x shaped scar on his chest. Has burn scars on his feet. Has naturally black/dark brown hair, dyes it a lighter colour. He usually keeps his hair in a braid. Flowers grow out of his hair.

Personality & health:

The loud, annoying yet charming bastard of the ethics committee

Has generally a laid back, jokester personality

Very devoted to his family and friends

Not the type to get mad easily, when he does get angry he just gets quiet and stern

Never cries in public, just in private

Little bastard man, loves teasing his coworkers and husband

Struggles a lot with PTSD and paranoid delusions, but is slowly doing better

Relationships:

Love interests: Cimmerian, later on Bright and Iceberg

Ex: Lilly

Friends: Kondraki (old friend), Bright (old friend), Tiffany Okely (work friend)

Family: Bastard child of an angel, raised as an only child of a single mother. Had Epon with Lilly, later on, had an "accident" named Melody with his husband, adopted a step-parent role to Cimmerian's older daughters May and Eliza

Trivia:

Roughly follows the events of 4231

Raised Epon for the first few months to year's of their life before they were found to be anomalous and forcibly taken from him

Regularly checks up on his kid and leaves her small gifts

Semi-omniscient, ever since he was born he could just see and know things others couldn't. Perfectly aware of the fact Cimmerian is a demigod, even before their husband finds out himself. Uses his omniscience to check up on Epon and make sure they're okay.

Used to be very close with Bright before Cimmeriam swooped in and stole the man, slowly rebuilding that relationship

Cannot play the ukulele for the life of his and has no intentions of ever learning

Had a lot of bucket and cowboy hats but gave them all to Melody

Cimmerian made the mistake of allowing them to pick out Melody's clothes when they were little, now they have Clef's sense of style, oh no

Is afraid of water, shouting and slamming things is a major trigger of theirs, they also dislike deer and antlers for obvious reasons

Suffers from chronic scar pain in her legs

They have exactly 0 respect for any of the o5s

One of their hobbies is gardening

Pretty much majority of their scars were caused by Lilly

Alto Clef is their chosen name and god help you if you deadname them

Loves cats, they're her favourite animal

The platonic marriage with Cinmerian was their idea

Child of 001 /J